#it's gonna be things i feel good with
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I was so hoping I'd unexpectantly get hit by inspiration, or confidence or *something*, but it hasn't happened. I ignored Fictober as long as I could and now it's here. I know no one cares whether I write or not. But *I* care. So I'm still gonna try. I will be rusty. The fics might be boring. But I will at least try.
Posting this to hold myself accountable.
#personal#my confidence takes nose-dive after nose-dive#my brain keeps telling me i'm useless and dumb and annoying#and I KNOW this is just my brain being dumb#but like#it's difficult to tune it out#but hey#i managed to figure out my clipless bike pedals#i can figure out how to write a ficlet#it's gonna be things i feel good with#so fluff and hurt/comfort and the like#but i gotta ease myself into this
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
#warm up#this isn't good#writeblr#this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3#but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker#and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS#the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt#and medical debt#i will put that first little bit of cash#into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option#but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver#oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs
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Some flowers for you ❤️
#art#flower art#botanical art#digital art#digital watercolor#this was sooo fun#lowkey really like adobe fresco#probably gonna mess around with watercolors some more#feels nice to get a break from the very rigid flat colors even though I love that effect#and it's good practice for Shapes#also finding a place to put my signature was HELL so I just put it next to the flower I spent the most time on lmao#deb this is your fault btw#I have had an Urge to draw flowers for weeks#have I been procrastinating hawkeye's paper cutout thing because the bow is really complicated? yes.
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class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#my class swap stuff! oh yeah I think I got a tag for that I'll call that#fh class quangle#gna slowly go back and get that tag on relevant posts too. for organization's sake#even tho I didnt really intend this blog to be that kinda blog lmao. we were all just gonna be out here dealin with that at our own pace#anyways uh! they! u know all the lore for the designs already I put em in tags. but otherwise this also collects like the#color keys kind of for these. mostly the things that change between designs#doing this did make me realise half of these are a Lot more consistent in color keys than the other half lol#like kristen's palette stays pretty much the same. and fabian's. the hit's mostly in the construction#a lot of this is overall like an exercise in remembering what high schoolers would actually wear and how to work in Costume pieces#on this point at least I straight up have No relevant recollection lmao all the basic education establishments I went to have uniforms#and outside of school I was. well kind of a shorts and tee guy. so#on that topic I feel like fabian's is the furthest stretch lmao. like if a guy in high school wears the same bright yellow raincoat#to school every day that's like. people would Not like that guy. fabian really is saved by being cute and a rogue#he will still have stans when he's deep in his fishing arc in junior year he's the manic pixie dream bf#anyways uh. things to do! stuff to get done. sleep first tho. have a good night lads#I have not caught new nsbu yet! seems I mostly catch them like two to three days late nowadays.#so please uhh. don't reply on my posts with nsbu spoilers? we are all excited and having fun but that's rude#ok thank u. signing off for the day have a good night#!!
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podcast people in my phone
#sherlock and co#s&co#sherlock holmes#john watson#mariana ametxazurra#been messin around with this piece for like over a week now. I think this is just mostly to have a general pointer of their design in my#''proper'' style. literally named this file cover.png in my folders lmao#I feel like it isnt as candycore as the chibi version. but its still at a level of colors Im happy with. thats good for me#love giving john watson the default medium-size v-neck when canonically he wears like exclusively merch tees#(maybe its under the v-neck lets all believe that)#anyways. things are moving! lotsa stuff I cant show anyone but my coconspirators... but Im sitting on. Some stuff#gettin there with work... settin up stuff... being insane in march.... da whole package#gonna be having. a real interesting week soon. we'll see what comes of it!#but for now. I sleep. have a good night lads! look both ways before crossing the street
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Rising from the dead to share this painting and then disappear again
I have spent over 90 hours of my life on this thing because I have had the brain rot for the last 2 years of my life (almost 20 if you count when I first read the comics) and it had to express itself somehow
Hope this dramatic bitch feels appreciated
(A Dream of Morpheus, handmade egg tempera on panel, 12x18 inches...if by any chance you'll be at SDCC or Gen Con, I'll be at booth 934/936 at the first one and Art Show #13 at the second one - come see the original, maybe get a print, or just yell/cry about Sandman with me?)
And here, have some more details - I had fun combining some favorite elements from both the comic and the show ♡
#sandman#morpheus#dream of the endless#egg tempera#traditional art#do I tag all the little guys?#that seems clunky#anyway obviously lucienne was gonna be in there because what a glow-up#and jessamy bc we stan#and my potato blorbo the corinthian#and my love hoberto#I liked him already from the comic and then immaculate casting happened#dark haired desire because I'm old enough to get the nagel reference#and show!death because 1 I like her and 2 I started this way before The News but I feel like I made a good choice#bc stepping away from Girls Neil Thinks Are Hot can't be a bad thing rn#not that it's the girls who need to be stepped away from but you get me#heavyhanded shakespeare metaphor: the painting
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Not gonna be able to get back to this for the next week or so but I wanted to share so wips :))
#I CANT STOP DRAWING THEM IN BARS AND CLUBS?? lmao#anyways the point of this one is that they both want to fuck shadowheart. and so they shall#im on such a roll with this modern au stuff and its the first time in a while that im genuinely kinda drawign the same thing#over and over again and it feels so good? lmao#this is gonna be my niche i think#bg3#baldurs gate#baldurs gate 3#bg3 modern au#shadowheart#karlach#karlach cliffgate#lae'zel#shadowzel#shadowlach#wip#sketch
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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Actually cute. Had to do a quick redraw.
Screenshot is from when Jay lit up the Jack-o'-lantern in the living room.
#I don't suppose they were trying to take a selfie but because front cameras weren't#invented yet they couldn't tell if they were properly within frame or not?#There were also paper plate dolls of them! Which also cute#Sorry for the influx of PR and WS content there are so many good frames to redraw and a couple of ideas to manifest! 😫#Plus. Was rendering a commission the entire day only to scrap all of it because it actually looked better before doing all of that. 😭😭😭#So I had to quickly draw the thing that is egging me to draw at the exact moment just to not feel too bummed about it. 😔#Regular content will resume. Ah. Maybe in the next day? Gonna be another busy day tomorrow.#Man. On top of my usual obsession I got another thing to think about a lot now. (@_@;)#So many MANY things I want to draw so little time. (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥`)#Pumpkin Rabbit#Witch Sheep#The Mysterious House#The Return of The Pumpkin Rabbit#Screenshot redraw#my shiz#skedoobles#The Walten Files#TRoTPR#Walten Files#Lorenzo Waterman#Rachel Waterman#I guess their ship tag will just be 'The Watermans'? ¯\(°_o)/¯#The Watermans
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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I won't be able to finish this drawing before the convention, which will take up my next 5 days.. But I want to talk a little about him.. I've been thinking about golems and Frankenstein, and the trans body, projection and misunderstanding, villainization and death.
The concepts of Frankenstein's monster and the golem have been swimming in my head for a while, and their lore intertwining.. The tragedy of existing being seen as a monster no matter how you try,.. And the Golem, a protector of his people and a servant whose only flaw always rang a bit close to home as an an autistic person-- being too literal in execution of his orders. He's tired and struggles with a yearning for death. His havdalah candles will be out.. The first flame of the week, a spark of starting over again-- The flame brings him fear. As much as he's kept himself together he doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing it, he fears failure- but the fear of what may happen if he's gone is even more terrifying. He's lived a long life, and over time the one who formed him has sculpted him to the golem's own wishes.. From nothing to the man he is- but even with that effort, to outsiders he's still a monster. His skin is different shades of clays from varying riverbeds as his people have travelled.. Golems are unformed, imperfect.. but even as outsides can be polished the insides can still be broken
#i have a million thoughts on him but will only put a little ramble i guess#jewish art#trans art#you ever think about how no matter how hard you try as a trans person at the end of the day a large amount of people will still see you#as trans. doesnt matter how acceptable you look#the same thing is with jewishness for me.. it's been like a damage multiplier on top of transness.#it doesnt matter how nice i try to be or how caring. it doesnt matter how many good things i do im still a jew to a large amount of people#even within the queer community haha :') ive felt it so often in queer communities here.#this little guy is gonna be where i store that experience as a trans jew. it goes in the frankengolem#i like the thought of frankenstein's fear of fire being incorporated into him in his fear of both rest and havdalah..#he doesnt feel safe to rest. he dreads the new week. his entire life he spends in dread even if he wants to protect his loved ones#gently pats the top of his head.. this boy's autistic#long text#bare chest#death#cw death#tw death#just in case
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I love that Isabeau is the one to bring up the "what do we do if you die" conversation cause its a very good insight to his character at the very start of the game. Isabeau is practical, smart, and loves everyone dearly and wants to know how to help them when shit goes sideways. He's the one to ask about Bonnie too, which is a delightful read on how he thinks because everyone else shuts that down instantly as a "That wont happen and cant happen" but we see later in the game it can happen which is such a startling thing for a game to do but justifies the foreshadowing of Bonnie can die what do we do if that happens? Isabeau, despite everything, is also the one who gets to the heart of the matter even if its not something must people are willing to talk about. All without it being part of his friendquest, thats just him naturally. Which! Says so much about him and how he is! His character when its not about his relationship with Siffrin is a very intriguing thing because it feels like a very classic hard intellectual stance that's been softened after many years of learning to better communicate healthily with others. A reflection, if you will, of Odile but in a very drastic direction. I find him fascinating and I also want to scoop his brains out and study them under a microscope to see all his little brain thoughts.
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#isat isabeau#Looks at you. LOOKS AT YOU.#Look if yall are gonna rag on Isa because hes just there for teehee relationship with Siffrin <3 then im gonna go nuclear#Isabeau has so much character and hes not just a silly one sided dimensional character!! I get so fucking peeved about this#Every time he speaks im frothing at the mouth because hes!! So good at communicating!! It gets me wild#Sure sure yeah he has a romantic crush on Siffrin but yall do see the fact that Isa has a very analytical personality right??? RIGHT???#Odile might be the smartest person in the group (im saying this because she has the sus event) but Isabeau is fucking up there!!!#Makes me feel insane when people write him off as pun love silly romantic guy only thinks about how Siffrin feels character#CAUSE!!! HES NOT!!! Siffrin is definitely a weakness of his and does make him forget things but hes sooooooo analytical about everything el#FUCKING!!! APPRECIATE THE GOOD BOY!!!! HES SO FUCKING SMART!!! I LOVE ISA!!!!#(saw exactly one post about how boring Isa was and got Enraged. Saw how people write him in fanfics and felt the air leave my lungs in angy
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Something Wonderful Volume 1 is now available on my Etsy shop!
The fixed books have finally arrived, so it is now on sale! Only $20 for the first 3 chapters, 120 pages of the story!
#cqchat#something wonderful#adventure time#fionna and cake#winter king#simon petrikov#fionna cambell#the photos were already edited so i didnt have to do much work to get this up today#so i got one thing on my checklist done so im happy#okay im gonna disappear again ty for understanding everyone!!#also about my previous post dont worry about me and i know we're all scared right now#im doing my best to feel okay and my friend is going on a mental health vacation#i think im going to do the same#its a very good idea all things considered <3
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made some self indulgent doodles of ya girl 🌟
some assorted sketches i did a while back…! very normal about as ya can see—
#henlo am back from work crunch wahahaha#finals are over I AM FREE#for a little while…#welcome home#sally starlet#welcome home sally#fanart#it feels so good to be able to doodle blorbos again (outside of classwork)#i missed her and welcome home lots#gonna slowly catch up on things#inky art#inky doods
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Embrace the truth
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan jingyi#lan sizhui#lan xichen#lan wangji#wei wuxian#WWX uses NMJ's abs as part of his evidence for identification. LXC is allowed to use his familiar embrace as his evidence.#We are now entering the slow burn arc of 'Lan Xichen continues to lose everything he cared about'.#He has his love of fishing + his good friendship with JGY + his brother. I hope nothing happens to any of those things#Not that its in character for *anyone* present to have the emotional intelligence for it - but man LXC is having a very hard time#Trying to pin his sworn brother as a murderer *right* after identifying the mystery body as his other sworn brother?#of *course* he's defensive! You gave him no time to process!#He's gonna need a lot of time by the pond to cope#The original joke had LXC copping a feel on those glutes and recognizing him that way. Which now looking back *was* funnier#sigh...I need to trust my gut a bit more#Next time on PD-MDZS: They just show up in Jinlin Tai because I want to plot to keep moving
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no uh...no halloween themed art, sorry! but i got a buncha toshi's of different kinds here for you guys, hope ya like em~!💛 my bf likes all might's shadow, so i added it for him lol
process and separate toshi's under da cuuutt
my process is all over the place as usualheheahhaha
who gave him the kisses though... was it you?🫵🏼🤨
#rubyart#mha#mha art#bnha#bnha art#all might#toshinori yagi#yagi toshinori#big buff man#skrunkly man#oh my goodness i had so much fun drawing this#look at how clumsy and nervous this man is#and him sitting and drinking tea is the cutest thing ever oh my god#we'renotevengonnatalkaboutthekisseslolololdskjfgfds#anyway yeah#i hope you guys like this sticker-lookin masterpiece ive put together#until next time lol#i shall be back#i got a feeling that this one is gonna be one of my top posts lol#HAHAHA AND I RECORDED THE PROCESS THIS TIMEHEHEHAHEAHEHA#so like...which one's your favorite?#there's no wrong answer#i love this man so much
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