#it's gonna be next week's evenings project
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I need help again sorry
#let’s make pat’s belated bday set a group project#(it’s of course vminkook themed)#I’m helpless I know what the topic's gonna be but I just don’t know how to visualise it???#I hate doing the same layout twice tbh but these just fit best I guess#pat you’re not allowed to vote you’ll have to wait and see what it’s gonna be ahhdjf#I don't think I can start on anything tonight anymore my neck and shoulder are killing meeeeeee#it's gonna be next week's evenings project
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i just wanted to draw the ave mujica outfits .
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#nenekasa#<- i like them.#sorry i like mygo + avemuji but cant make fanart of anything im not Fucking Crazy about normally#had to touch it up digitally because i tried coloring a Pen Drawing in with Watercolor. in earnest.#Everything think the announcements gonna be a new unit. I think that would be hilarious and the worst possible timing#Given where everyone else's arcs are but the miku design looked cute so if its jsut a new game that would cheese me#My tag blabbering... what else ... im artfight slacking. my wrist hurts. course selection is next week. SCREAMS#please pray to God i do not have any 8am classes. PLEASE. my college commute takes over an hour. If i have to wake up at 6am i will k#Oh my God i have to go to the dentist tomorrow too please fucking helpme THEYRE GONAN FIDN AMILLION CAVITIES AND KILL ME. AAAAAHG.#Every time theres another proseka broadcast announced i get scared cause i have so many song covers i want in the game but.#I want to draw them first. So that if they Do get added to the game i cna go HEH... >:)....#Thats whyi did skeleton orchestra emnn and scissorhands rks. I want scissorhands in the game reallybad i love that song#3DMV EVEN PLEEEASE but also nothing can too miumes choreography from like a decade ago i wanna do a cosplay performanc eof it someday...#i ❤️ waacking.#actually the one i Really want to draw is ALSO nenekasa. record red save me. ILL DRAW IT OK
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if i ever say that i dont like digitaltime . thatz not me – a skinwalker haz violently murdered me and stolen my identity – immediately seek shelter
#that last image iz basically tony in a nutshell#/j#i showed a couple of friendz my first drawing [which iz based on another one i made a while ago but i digress]#n one of them politely asked me to put christmas hatz on them#nd i did#maybe ill upload it separately ? whoz to say – dependz on whether or not i deem it tumblr worthy#az it standz . i just have some silly gay people that i wanted to show off cuz i miss them#ive kinda come to termz with the fact that the project ive been stressing about so much izn't going to be finished in time for the 25th#i guess itz just gonna have to wait until next year ... if ill even be around until then .... or . rather . if ao3 will ....#im rlly disappointed though – i managed to write 26k wordz in the span of a week in the past#but now i wazn't even able to squeeze out more than 5k in the span of like . 2 monthz#pathetic . no ?#sighhh#better luck next time ...#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis ship#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis hv tony#dhmis colin#colin the computer#dhmis hv colin#dhmis digital time#digitaltime#whatever . at least i managed to make thiz . right ?#thatz progress . yeah ?#yeah ...
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LADS LADS LADS I FINISHED THE BAG!!! AND SHE LOOKS SO FUCKN GOOD!!!!
#I forgot the euphoria of finishing a project lmao#it’s been a while#but also! I finished it ON TIME for the deadline!!#(sounds fake even to me)#gonna be riding this high for the next week. goddamn
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i havent even finished planning the little zine i want to do + i also know that as soon as i DO finish planning, my brain is gonna be like "ok i have now received the same amount of dopamine i would have gotten if i actually made the completed piece" and im not gonna touch it further, but despite this im still already getting ahead of myself with the potential like what if i ink it traditionally what if i color it with actual watercolors what if i paint the title page in gouache what if i add screentones at some point then scan it and cobble it all together etc etc etc
#talkys#guy who doesnt have a scanner guy who doesnt even have access to color printing services#guy who's gonna abandon this project by next week
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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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To the people in my inbox I'm so sorry I swear I'm gonna answer those but work has been absolutely destroying me for like 2 weeks straight and I've barely been here
#Charlie Stuff#I see them I'm gonna answer I promise I just do not know when#Because next week is looking just as bad <( _ _ )>#And any free time and energy I've had has been going to a secret project I started#And also sleep when I can get it#But!! If all goes well!!#I'm maybe gonna post about the secret project tomorrow after I get home from work#Because it's mostly ready to go I just need to organise myself#And I wanna make it so updates happen on sundays so even if I'm working I'll have a lil more time to fix it up#This sounds cryptic but hopefully it'll all make sense tomorrow!
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so fucking busy the rest of the year. being alive is awesome :]
#i have 4 classes this semester and 2 of them r music relateddd i love my major#my financial aid package FINALLY PROCESSED after like 7 months lol#so i just have to figure out disbursement#i have surgery in october to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy#and then i am gonna be out of work for 4 weeks (but still doing classes lol...)#and i have 2 more cohorts to facilitate#and a training video and some projects to pull together#and a brainstorm session tomorrow#and im going to a baseball game for work on thursday!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!#and if my finaid is as much as theyre saying it will be my rent for the rest of the year is paid#which would mean all my paychecks can go directly to#medical costs and other bills n savings#which puts me so fucking closer to moving out next year#if i play my cards right i can pay all my debts between now and march/april of next yesr#and then i will be able to fucking!!!!!!! move!!!!!!!#wait guys im emotional i had a shitty medical procedure i had to endure as part of pre op a d#literally in the last hour im back to feeling so fucking energized#ohhh my gd i love being alive please please please lef this work out#im gonna stART PLANNING W MY FRIENDS FOR A SPRING TRRIP NEXT YEAR?#AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! maybe even planning another trip w 19 bc i saw a cool cabin to stay in LMAO#just. yells. oh my gd#please please let this work out even 50% of the way of what it looks like it could be
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god it is so insane getting so close to the end of making this base. like it feels fake that in like a week from now im gonna have it out but IM SO CLOSEE to being done it is real i know i can hit that deadline.. but i feel like im in the infinite mental dragon prison tunnel
#i did the math even if i take out some work hours i did last year (~10-15ish on concept art) im still at like 3 whole 40 hour work weeks#which means the mental strain im feeling is just because im working enough as your average full time worker#but i am starting to feel a bit loopy from how long this project has been#i did have an autism breakdown like 2 weeks ago bc i did too much in 1 day so im trying to make myself take it a little easier#i will be CELEBRATING next thursday and im gonna order pizza or something#soap talks#im gonna take it easy and do commissions after this release itll be nice getting to do unique stuff again#actual status update though is im about 90% done and i need to just do some final assembly of files and record tutorials basically
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#ive been stressing all day about a purchase i'm not even making lol#i have mental problems sjfmsjg#no but for real i was reviewing the tablet i had decided on to buy in the distant future#and found out it's actually not very good for drawing which is the sole reason i want to get a tablet#and i got physical symptoms of anxiety and dread as if i had wasted money#on a thing I DIDN'T BUY#but then i found another tablet which is good for drawing and it's a bit more expensive#and once again i got the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport#for another product I DIDN'T BUY#but it's just this horrible timing thing that's making me anxious#because it's a lot of money that i have to spend on this#and I don't have a regular income#and my country's economy is hell to the point that by tomorrow the price could double without warning#and there's also there's some sales coming so maybe i should wait til then#but then also i have to catch the sale and the product i want#and also the holidays are coming so the price might spike up#and i never know when the correct time to buy anything is!!#and this folks is why I don't gamble lol#no but for real... i have been panicking all day and I don't even have a proper reason#i could also live without the tablet very well so it feels like a waste of money in general#so...#i have issues with spending money...#especially because I don't know when it's gonna be the next time i get work#could be next week... could be in six months... could be never again...#if i just could get hired for a proper project woth a decent pay...#ahhh the dream :')#ok i'm gonna go to bed now (if my stupid ear '''''infection'''''' lets me...)#life is hell but at least i got to boop people today <3#angel talks#personal
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hm. i do not remember the screenshot being this big hfvsh
#wip#i like this one the best and also.. it might be the best one Lmaofhvs#[points] its the He#this is also very nearly the final product hvfhs#i'm just gonna colour them a bit and then leave it at that :)#(i'm doing an expression sheet again :3 :D)#i'm drawing each of these individually unlike how i did with the bl.s ones cuz his funkin Hair likes to catch me out hbvfsh#//anyway i've been working on this thing for nearly a week ???#'keeps why' i have been. writing#i do So enjoy infodumping about this project hvfhs#plusss putting it in a little booky means people don't have to be bothered with me looping back and over myself lol :>#i just dunno where i wanna put it lol#wattpad makes the most sense.. but also mm i dunno hfhsh#i haven't really used it in forever...#oh i should update it though fr fr#/also Geeeeez what is happening to my writing HFH#like one day i can't stop overusing the world 'occasionally' and then next i sound sort of obnoxious overusing synonyms and stuff lol#though you know what it Has gotten easier to just get stuff down (even when my brain is pretty much dead !!) when i just ignore everything#i forget about hfvhs :D#cuz i forget like every 15th word and it screws w/ the flow but if i do [this] with a similar word for later it's so good :DD#/also why can i Never remember the word Conscience lmao#that's a little bit of a funny one to always be losing hvfsh#//anywho... woo.... :33#i'm gonna go do my stuff now... and prolly sneak a soda.... and if i do i'll prolly be back ranting because that's what caffeine does to me#Loll#have a very empty brain recently. it Has been full of lovey doveyness tho so not bad not bad hfvhs :D#okay bbbye now toooodles ciaaaoo see ya .u./
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despite how mych i wished for the semester to end because of how work heavy it was now that it did I realize that the daily worry of "oh my god I have to get this done or ITS OVER better pack up for another 10 hour stay at college" became essential to my days, suddenly i feel aimless 😭
what do you mean that the things I did for procastination and to ignore my responsabilities are now just normal leisure. what do you mean i do not have work I have to do after this or i die how am i expected to just goof around without the dread of getting work done looming over me /lh
#i talk!!!#its even sillier considering JUST HOW BAD I WANTED IT TO END#i cannot tell you how many times i went to campus to stay for over 7 hours and be like “ok im going to finish all this work once in for all”#for a big pile of detail and random last minute projects to pop up plus me realizing how bad my home computer is forcing me to go back#I WAS SO OVER IT LIKE IT WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AGO I WAS SO EXHAUSTED LIKE#“man no one week break from college between semesters is gonna be enough for me”#its been 2 days and inmediately i am aimless and lost waiting for the next semester to come quick its so goofy#i was really looking foward to being all free and being able to keep working on my silly personal projects and artwork#but now that i am free i am dissapointed by the fact my day is not already set to be another intense homework day#LIKE JUST 2 DAYS AGO I PULLED AN ALL NIGHTER WHEN I WAS MEANT TO BE DONE AND I WAS SO PISSED WHEN MORE STUFF CAME OUT LAST MINUTE#so yhe fact that now i feel empty without the fact i have unfinished work looming over me is so goofy#how am i expected to draw and do my own stuff when i am not having to count my pennies so i can wake up early the next day
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sighs
#im really glad i took a break from art projects/comms for a while cause work is. kicking my ass. hard.#i was originally gonna reopen comms/announce my shop restock in october so i can get the ball rolling again#but im going to be So busy for the next few weeks#ive been getting heart palpitations again bc of the stress. eugh#it'll pass like all things do im just. so tired. and the Big Events we've been prepping for havent even happened yet#i need to just relax this weekend#i need it so bad#skip speaks
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tomorrow is my last day of having to do work for my classes and I’m just soooo ready for this upcoming break. I wanna write for an entire day at a time again and learn how to crotchet without putting so many expectations to be perfect the first time again!!!! I wanna paint and play my switch and just lay down without feeling guilty!!!!! I need it!!!!!!!
#I still have to respond back to discussion board posts after tomorrow 🙄#but at least I wont have to do actual work after next week!!!!!#I wanna be free!!!!!!#also tips for learning crotchet would be greatly APPRECIATED#bc I don’t get how to do any of it 😔#anyway lemme take my ass to bed#I have a quiz (or maybe two I’m still not sure)#and a paper and presentation and db to do tomorrow and I really don’t wanna#I know it’s gonna be light work but it’s gonna be time consuming which is what I loathe#like omg it took me FOUR FUCKIN HOURS to do ONE project today#I was mad as hell#it wasn’t even necessarily difficult to do just SO TIME CONSUMING#gimme my time back so I can nap on the couch in front of the fire place damnit#okay enough ranting gn!!!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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