#it's gonna be difficult and scary but!!!!! there is so much to look forward to

[crabussy]

remembered I'm moving to my favourite place in the world for uni and got so excited I squeaked and accidentally bashed my toe because I kicked my leg out without meaning to

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.

[hazbinwhoree]

Come Inside

Part 2/2

A/N: The heavily requested part two.

“Well you fucking did it,” (Name) announced, storming into the living room where Adam was watching TV. “Did what,” he asked, mouth full of the ribs he was eating. (Name) threw something at him.

“Hey!” he yelped, the small object bouncing off his shoulder. He picked it up and the world stopped for a moment. It was a pregnancy test. And it was positive.

“Are you fucking with me?” Adam asked after a moment. “Does that look like I am fucking with you?” She had a point. (Name) was watching him anxiously. Adam looked back at her. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I… I don’t know. How do you feel?” “Like I made good on a promise,” Adam smirked. (Name) threw a pillow at his head. “This is serious!” “I am serious!” Adam protested. “I said I’d put a baby in you and I did. You had no fuckin’ objections when we were doing it.”

(Name) groaned, flopping onto the couch next to him. “You’re telling me that you are ready to be a dad?” Adam placed a hand over his heart in mock hurt. “You say that like it’s an insane notion. I knew the risks, I knew this was a possibility. I wouldn’t have taken the chance if I wasn’t ready for it.”

(Name) teared up.

“Oh, shit, do you not want this?”

(Name) shook her head. “No, it’s just the hormones and the fact you actually want to have a baby with me.”

Adam laughed, pulling her into his lap. “Of course I want to have a baby with you. I wouldn’t have a baby with anyone else. Well, Eve, but I never raised Cain and Abel. In fact I was a completely absent dad–” “Babe.” Adam laughed, thinking about it. “I don’t know if that’s funny,” (Name) said.

Adam cleared his throat. “Point is, you make me want to be a father so long as you’re the mother.”

“You’re not gonna leave me and the baby like you left Cain and Abel?”

“Babe, Eve had Cain and Abel like right before she cheated on me. I wasn’t fuckin’ sticking around. Those kids are a mess too–” he laughed. “One killed the other!”

(Name) rolled her eyes, punching his shoulder. “The things you find funny are so fucked.” “Yeah but you love me,” Adam cooed, licking her cheek. (Name) squealed. “I hate when you do that! Just kiss me like a normal person, asshole!” Adam cackled.

The first trimester, it still hadn’t become a permanent thought in Adam’s head that he was going to be a father.

The second trimester, it became much more real and they started considering baby names and preparing a nursery.

The third trimster, was really bad for (Name). She was constantly exhausted, sore, hungry but sick to her stomach. The baby really did a number on her. By the time nine months rolls around, (Name) is more than ready to get this child out of her.

“GET IT OUT OF ME!” She screamed after pushing once. “Push again!” the midwife encouraged. (Name) screamed as she did.

Adam watched on in horror. He wasn’t there to witness Cain and Abel’s births, so he had no idea how brutal and scary childbirth was. He stroked back hair off her sweaty forehead, letting her squeeze the life out of his other hand.

Every time she screamed, Adam lost his shit a little bit.

“And push!” With one final push and a pained yell, (Name) delivered their baby.

It was a baby girl.

Adam had been reconsidering his eligibility for fatherhood. But when the nurse cleaned their baby off and placed her on (Name)’s chest, Adam was determined not to ruin a good thing. He may not be looking forward to the responsibilities of a father, but he would take them on for her sake.

In the following weeks, he really tries to help with the baby equally, but he’s pretty bad at it. He’d offered to take a few night shifts but would sleep straight through the baby’s crying, leaving (Name) to go soothe her. But he learned how to prepare a bottle of milk, and he learned how to change dirty diapers.

To his surprise, he actually didn’t find it all that difficult to bond with his child. (Name) even caught him baby talking once, which he fervently denies.

Months go by, and their daughter surprises them with her very first word… “Fuck!”

(Name) is appalled, Adam thinks it’s hilarious. She berates Adam for setting a bad example for the baby, when she shocks them with her second word. “Bitch.” Clear as day. Adam picks their daughter up and praises her. (Name) hits Adam’s arm.

Adam does his best to be a good husband and father, and while he’s not great at it, he is a present father and a loving husband.

[jackiepackiee]

𝐵𝒮𝒟 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒰𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝐹𝓁𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

𝐹𝓉- 𝒜𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓈𝒽𝒾, 𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾, 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒴𝑜𝓈𝒶𝓃𝑜

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 - 𝐼𝓃𝓃𝓊𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒪𝓃𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓉𝓈

Is half of this even considered flirting?!? (Please tell me)

You’re in your shared apartment, and you had been missing him after his longgg missions. Having the day off, his absence had been much more noticeable. It added to the quiet atmosphere and made it thicker than ever.

And you had gotten a little needy for some attention. I mean, all these romance movies were getting to you! The time spent together, the more intimate scenes. It was making the clock tick impossibly slower impending his arrival.

He would be exhausted when he came back, as he always was. Such a hard worker.

So you get the bright idea to have a little double shower~

Help him relax.

So when you hear the door click open, you’re already in the bathroom. But he had gotten home a little too early.

You didn’t have the time to take off your clothes and get in the shower!!

But, no way you’re abandoning this plan now.

So you call him in, and hope for the best.

“Atsu? Come get in the shower…”

He walks into the bathroom, a bit confused. But responds nonetheless.

He leans against the doorframe, and stares at you. A bit sweaty from his long day, but fuck was it just adding to how good he looked. His looks and your desperation made the entire scenario a bit more tense in your head.

So his next words came out like honey.

“Do you like your showers hot or cold?”

Is this a once in a lifetime experience? Atsushi Nakajima, flirting back?! While being so caring, wanting to know the type of shower.

He can’t seriously mean he’s ready to shower with you, and is being so forward-

“Because I know you haven’t showered today. Still have the same clothes as the morning! I’ll go first, but I’ll make sure to make it quick to not waste the hot water!”

Oh… oh boy. He really didn’t understand what you meant.

But it was so cute. And he was so thoughtful.

And who would have the heart to tell him differently now when he was already so sure of himself?

Have fun showering alone, he’d probably die from embarrassment if he knew your true intentions now.

(The real challenge here is getting this genius to not understand, I mean congrats on that)

“Osamu?~”

You waltzed into the office room of the ADA. It was empty save for his presence at his desk and the mindless keyboard clacking of the secretaries in the other room.

“…’Samu?”

For once, he was actually working. It’s not that any cases have been scary or difficult. No, you would’ve known. Anyways, Fukuzawa wouldn’t make him do that alone.

Was he… just bored? Perfect!

“Huh, oh! Hi, sorry I was too busy with my super secret business.”

He joked, making those squiggle arms at you. And that made you laugh, obviously. He looked dumb, but that was on purpose.

Until, that is, you noticed how tired he was.

Dark circles, messy hair, pale skin. He wasn’t sick, he always got red when I’ll. No, he was tired. Just like every morning when he stayed over. But this wasn’t a morning, and he shouldn’t be tired.

Hero time.

“Come with me.”

You pulled his arm away from his computer, and tugged on that light beige coat. 

“Eh? Where are we headed?”

He prodded your cheek for an answer, but to no avail. You were determined. Continuing to pull his hand, which you moved to hold, in the direction away from his desk.

His feet dragged a bit, but what was more noticeable was his lack of a grip on your hand.

Plopping down on the office couch, he did the same. With the stupid expression he always had when he was tired and around you.

“So… are we gonna sit and-“

You moved his head to your lap, and pet his hair. He was tense at first, but then something extraordinary happened.

He… blushed!! Dazai Osamu blushed?!

Maybe from the sweetness of your actions, probably from the shock at your care.

He knew he was too tired to be working, but a job is a job. And the last few days had been rough.

Sure, he knew. But he was positive you didn’t notice. So when he knew you had noticed, his heart exploded.

You cared enough to make his rest.

But before you could comment on his behavior, he was asleep.

Flirting was all too common in your relationship, so it’s most meaningful when you do something with care for the other.

Chuuya Nakahara is a busy man, yet a lover, a loyal partner, a spoiler, and a protector to you. He is everything, and gives everything. So how, you ask, do you give him something back?

Soft words, gentle kisses, late nights with just the city air coming through the cracked window and the hum on a personal jazz record in the back.

Sounds easy, right? Not. At. All.

Getting him to calm down was a challenge. I don’t mean his temper, he never has a temper with you.

What I mean is for him to relax, without a care in the world. That was the issue.

He was supposed to get home early-ish tonight. Always later than you, but that was perfect. He had texted you that evening.

Chuu <3

-“home soon love, be there at 7?”

Of course it was never guaranteed, but he probably wouldn’t tell you that unless he was 99% sure.

So, plan in motion.

You set the bed with freshly washed everything, and it smelled just like vanilla. (His favorite scent) And you took a shower to make sure your skin was smoother than silk and you smelled nice.

He had a tendency of resting his head on you, so you wanted to feel and smell comfortable!

You cracked the window so the cool night air came in, and set a jazz record that you personally picked yourself. Spinning it to his favorite song.

Perfect, only one thing was missing. Him.

And… click! The lock.

“I’m home!”

You were about to rush out of the bedroom, but stopped before bombing out of the door.

“Okay, look calm. Totally normal, no secret plan…”

“There you are.”

He came closer, and kissed your cheek. Setting his bag down on the couch and tossing the keys to the coffee table.

You removed his coat in your excited state.

“Woah, angel. Someone is in a hurry.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

He hoisted you up, and used his gravity to put the coat on its hanger. He held your thighs, and walked to the bedroom.

No no no! It’s all going wrong, he’s not the one that’s supposed to be in charge.

When he finally plopped you on the bed, he sat next to you. And you hid your pout.

As if approaching a lion, you moved slowly. Before petting his hair, and he leaned into the touch.

Okay, good. Back on track.

He moved you onto his lap, and gave you a gentle kiss. And rubbed your back. You leaned into his chest, and shut you eyes… until!

“Why are you pouting?”

“You’re a thief.”

He poked your arm.

“Eh, obviously. I’m in the mafia.”

“No! You’re a… love thief!”

You were met with a confused Chuuya, and knew you had to explain.

“I was supposed to be the one giving you gentle kisses and cuddling you! But you stole it!”

He shushed you, and rubbed you back more. Laughing, he leaned his head back and shut his eyes.

“Trust me, this is enough. Though.. sorry I stole your plan. Mastermind~”

Flirting with Chuuya was never easy, because he was always so perfect.

“Akikoooooo?”

Ranpo whined at the door of her office, lollipop muffling his vowels.

“Yes?”

“They won’t stop bugging me! Take care of them!!”

You popped your head out next to Ranpo, and looked equally as impatient.

“I already said that I’m busy. I’m sorry, love.”

Ranpo pouted, and his resolve grew stronger.

“No way! You’re taking them, I’m busy too!”

“No you aren’t-“

Before she could protest, you were pushed into her office and he shut the door.

It’s not that she didn’t want you around, it’s more that she was obsessed with work as of late. And didn’t want you around the sharp tools.

You moved yourself to sit on a comfy patient bed, and stared at her. She cleaned her tools, and sanitized everything twice. Doctors…

“Akiko?”

She turned her head to get a better ear shot of you, but didn’t look at you.

“Yes?”

“I know these doors lock, and I bet they are sound proof. We could do whatever we want in here…”

You kicked your feet as you spoke, and watched her form move on to the next set of tools that needed cleaning.

“Mhm.”

She mumbled… she wasn’t listening!! I mean, who in their right mind would be so calm after hearing that! Certainly not you.

You made an annoyed expression, but she was turned away.

“Akiko?”

“Mhm?”

You moved closer, and stood around her desk.

“Those beds are comfy, and probably very sturdy.”

“Mhm.”

Is that all she’s gonna say?! She was too caught up in work, and it was your job to stop her.

So, the final option.

You stood directly behind her, and moved her hair out of her ear. Her neck was exposed and you ran your fingers gently across the skin.

Now that was sure to work, and work it did.

Sometimes her mind was a little spaced out, but one touch from you was all it took for her to understand and throw you onto a bed.

Not Proofread

[lj-lephemstar]

Progress Checkup! (Nov. 2024) | Scratchin' Melodii Devlog

​​Hey again guys! Sorry if it's been a bit since the last devlog. With how much I've been up to, it sure feels like it!

Let's get right into it. For starters, the 3rd rival battle of Act 2 is complete! I'll likely be showing a gameplay preview of it sometime soon. This is the first song to use the new framework that I'll be using for all the other stages going forward, which also means I've had to spend the past couple weeks getting the previous songs working with this new system too... Did you know that in the demo builds, if I wanted to change something about the gameplay, I'd have to manually go back and change it for EACH individual song one by one? Well now, imagine all the songs had like a peace treaty to just share one good, clean, and organized system that I can easily tweak and add to as I please. So development is gonna be smoother than ever from here! This is how most games are SUPPOSED to work, but I was a liiittle too stupid to figure out how to do this until recently!

While I was moving Cream Cheese Icing over to this new system, I took the opportunity to make the chart a bit more beginner-friendly! For example, the first line went from this...

To just this!

As you can see, it has less notes, therefore it is less scary for new players. Believe it or not, I actually never intended for Cream Cheese Icing to be so difficult for new players in the first place! Naturally, being too good at my own game can make gauging the difficulty curve a bit tricky at times, but I think I'm figuring it out!​

You may have also noticed that the characters have new UI icons too! I felt like the old ones were too flat and boring, so I did a new take on them, aiming for more dynamic shapes and angles, not to mention how my art style's just kinda grown a bit in general since I last drew the icons. I also ended up leaving out the circles behind them. I was a little worried I was gonna run out of unique colors for all of them at some point, plus SOME of these guys can have really big hair and/or hats that pretty much just cover up the whole circle anyway. (hi rensa)

Speaking of artwork, here's a little look at some of the updated animation I've done for Stir & Mix! (Try to imagine it in not highly-compressed-gif-form. I promise it looks better in-game!)

When working on Stir & Mix related stuff, I can't help but feel a bit of a sense of dread knowing how people may react to it... Honestly, sometimes I kinda wish it never got as popular as it did in 2022. But hey, doing my own thing regardless of what's expected of me is the most Scratchin' Melodii thing I could do!

Speaking of which, Mia learned a ton of new stuff while doing the VOCALOID tuning for the last rival battle we worked on, so we might revisit Stir & Mix's vocals again at some point before release to give it even more style! (By the way, Mia and 2cada are the same person! Sorry if I refer to both names interchangeably! She's been the one doing all the VOCALOID tuning and vocal mixing for the game since 2023.)

Well, I think that's all for now! Here's another friendly reminder that there will NOT be anymore demos of the game. Any new content will be saved for the full game's release. I know I've said it before, but I probably won't stop saying it until people stop getting confused about it LOL. Thanks for reading!! I appreciate you. - LJ

[ohbo-ohno]

obsesseddd with the thought of kidnapped reader living in the cabin soap and ghost dragged her out to keep her in, being given colouring books and games as rewards for being the sweetest best behaved girl in the world, maybe they give her minecraft or lego’s as a way to distract her and keep her little mind busy while they work around you doing things around the house or fixing things, johnny lies on the sofa with you while you play, his face so close to yours asking you what your building and what each thing is and requesting a kiss every five seconds, making you giggle and blush because he just loves you so much and can’t get enough of you. he wants you in the house on the sofa playing games and colouring in all day every day for ever and ever because you’re his best sweetest most well behaved gorgeous girl. simon watches from wherever he’s standing working and is so proud of himself for finding something that is successfully distracting you enough to giggle and laugh and let soap kiss u all over ur face instead of seizing up or making an effort to get away. you’re settling in just fine and he couldn’t be more proud of you.

to me this is very much so giving DDlg which isn't really my thing, but I do loooove how soft and nice this ask is so I'm gonna play with that aspect of it :)

this is one of those asks that applies really well to a reader who... doesn't really mind being kidnapped. two big strong men want to squirrel her away, take care of her every need and desire? uh, yes please!

but they're still soooo scary :( because they're serial killers!!!! they killed all her friends - even if her friends did end up being really mean to her after all :( they're sweet to her but they also come home covered in gore, and it's very very difficult for her to not get scared when johnny spreads that gore over her face

i really enjoy the idea of this reader forcing herself to be soft and sweet. she's so so scared, tears streaked down her face, but she's got to smile and color with her crayons when johnny sets them down in front of her.

it's a type of sadism that would really work for johnny in particular, i think. he's watching you struggle through this drowning fear to be just what he needs. and you can't fully tell if he even knows you're scared (it's obvious, but you think you're a better liar than you actually are) so you try and cover it up as well as you can.

imagining you playing with legos, or jenga or smth, and being a little shaky and scared but trying to not show it. you glance up and just see ghost, looming in the shadows, blood not washed from his hands or face, just watching you with this deeply intense look. you flinch, lose knock over your little tower or lose jenga, and cry out a little at the loud noise. simon smirks at the reaction, and johnny coos real sad and sweet at you, leans forward to stroke your head.

and you sort of condition yourself to enjoy these things. you don't love coloring at first, but... but it is kinda fun. johnny and simon seem to love your drawings (they put it on a little heavy, you think) and their endless praise feels undeniably good. is it so bad to color something you think they'll like? no, of course not.

so you let yourself enjoy the little childish things - coloring, all the stuffed animals, building little lego castles - because it does feel relaxing.

and all they want from you is your softness, your sweetness. they just want you to be their sweet little baby girl who makes her drawings for them :( give you a Bear Johnny and a Bear Simon (secret little nanny cams) so they never have to really leave your side :( make meals for you and place you on the counter, swipe batter across your nose and watch you giggle :(

[sawyerslvt]

Johnny or Leland? | Episode 4

Previous Episode ♡ Next Episode

This is a choose your own ending story. I have also included links to porn in this series, for better visualization ;) I haven't been feeling in a very 'writing mood' so please excuse the lack of episodes + this short one. I'm working on the endings but I can't get myself to love what I'm writing at the moment. I don't want to release stuff I'm not proud of. Hope you understand <33

Word Count: 1,346 Warnings: MDNI, abuse

It’s difficult to keep track of time when you have no clue what time of day it is. You feel like it's been days, maybe weeks? Johnny brings food and takes care of you like he said he would. You fail to see what the end goal is. Is he gonna kill you? Is he planning on releasing you or… is this it? Being held captive in his basement, keeping you alive but you don't get to live life. You’ve grown really fond of him, he’s the highlight of your day whenever he walks through that door. Sure, he’s the only human interaction you get, but it wasn't bad human interaction, certainly doesn’t feel like a hostage situation.  He’s kind and gentle. He sits down and eats with you, youre talking and laughing. If the circumstances were different, you would be head over heels in love with the man. And of course, he fucks you real good. Sometimes he’s rough and other times he’s slow, passionate and loving, making you wonder if he’s as fond of you as you are of him. 

Johnny can't stay with you all the time and he leaves you in the cold and dusty room alone. He brought you a blanket and pillows to keep you company and warm when he’s away. But other than that it was painfully quiet. Sometimes you swear that you hear Leland calling for you. It echoes in your head but when you call for him, you don't get a reply. You know it's your mind playing tricks on you, hallucinating, but you miss Leland. You’re scared of what might've happened to him. With your time alone, you find yourself thinking about him a lot. His playfulness, laugh and charm was burned into your mind, stinging more and more. It's not rare for you to cry as you imagine him holding you. You remember his desperate screams as you were pulled away by Johnny. You hate how complicated everything is. You hate that you can't decide between the two men when the answer should be so simple. 

Your thoughts get interrupted when you hear the familiar door open again. It's Johnny and he���s holding your breakfast… or lunch… or dinner, you're not really sure which meal it is. It feels like your mind goes blank whenever you see him, you shoot him a warm smile and get up to greet him. You walk over and balance on your toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, he has to lean forward a little to have you reach him. “How did my woman sleep?”. Based on his question, you assume maybe this could be breakfast then. “She was lonely without her man to keep her company”, you make a pouty face and cross your arms. You were playful in your tone but you were serious. It was always so miserable and scary sleeping alone. He has slept with you a couple times but recently says he’s too busy to spend all that time with you. You hold some resentment, but you’re happy he’s back. 

He puts your plate on the ground by the mattress and comes back to give you a big hug. He holds you in his arms for a while without saying anything. Your head is pressed against his hard chest and you hear his heartbeat. “I missed you so much today, I couldn't even do my work proper… You were on my mind too much” his voice is low, like he hates admitting it to himself. You smile and look up at him, giving him a quick peck. He turns the quick kiss into a long and passionate one. He’s cupping your face with both hands and making out with you like he hadn't seen you in years. You welcomed his kiss, you had missed him too. His touch was enough to make you feel like you're floating. But you keep getting flashes of Leland. He’s haunting you. The more you enjoyed Johnny's presence, the more of Leland you saw and you think a big reason is because you think Johnny is the cause for something bad having happened to him. 

At the very least… you have to know. You have to find out what Johnny did to him. Is he still in that room waiting for you to come back? Does he think youre dead or did his mouth dig his own grave? Making Johnny kill him? You had so many questions and all of them could be answered by the man kissing you. You break away from the kiss and look down. “What’s wrong, doll?”. His voice is concerned and his brows are furrowed as he tries lifting your chin to make him face you. You reject his touch and continue looking down, you know he’s getting more and more worried. “...w-what did you do to him?” Your voice is soft and quiet. Johnny is so good to you, so kind but you're scared the mention of his name will make him snap. He sighs. “what i did to who?...”. He’s not asking cause he doesn't know, he's asking cause he’s testing you. You don't care if he snaps, you have to know. “...W-what did you do to Leland?”. His name was like a trigger and he grabs your face, harder than he’s ever done before. “Don't you ever utter his name. Besides, why do you care? You have me. Am I not enough?”. He squeezes harder with that last question, he’s hurt that you would bring him up. “you… y-you’re hurting me Johnny”, your voice is soft and careful. “Answer my question”. His voice is weak, he’s hurting and demanding for you to validate the feelings he already has for you, thinking you felt the same way towards him. “you’re more than enough”. Tears are streaming down your face at this point. It was true though, he was enough but that didn't erase the feelings you had for Leland. 

His grip loosens and he steps away from you, putting his hands behind his head, then on his hips. He’s pacing back and forth not knowing what to say or do. “Why do you fucking care about him anyways? You met him the same damn night you met me. You've spent more time with me than you did with him”. You don't know what to say, you don't even know what he wants you to say. It's a question designed to trap you no matter the answer. “I don't care about him… i- i just don’t…” he interrupts you. “Well obviously you do care, otherwise you wouldn't bring it up, would you?”. His voice is angrier than it's ever been and for the first time, you're scared for your life in his presence. “I’m sorry… it won't happen again” Your voice is weak and you try hugging yourself to calm yourself down, a form of self soothing. “Damn right it won’t happen again… I mean FUCK” He kicks your food that was laid on the ground. The food goes flying and the plate nearly hits you but you manage to dodge just in time. You hug yourself harder, trying to shrink yourself. Maybe if you stayed still enough, he wouldn't see you. He walks over to you and the sight of him angrily approaching, makes you backup a little. He grabs you by your hair and gets close to your face. His grip is hard and he’s hurting you again. “You’ve lost food privileges, I'll be back in a week”. He lets go of your hair and almost throws you away like he was disgusted seeing your face. He starts walking out of the door and you run after him crying, grabbing his forearm trying to pull him back. You don't care even if he slaps you, you didn't want him to leave you, especially for a week. You don’t care about the food, you want him. “Let go” he says simply and pulls himself from your grip and locks the door behind himself. You fall to the ground crying hysterically.

Previous Episode ♡ Next Episode

credit for dividers: @kyunlouy

[lyrenminth]

time apart

Warning: explicit descriptions, piv, oral (fem receiving), Justin being corny.

Sorry for the format, it is weird but I hope you can read it.

You always received Justin with a kiss and a hug as soon as he entered the door, it was a tradition you decided to adopt when you got together. You knew he liked it since he always leaned on to kiss you and touch your ass. "How was your day, baby?" you asked. "Good" he said, smiling. When the days were "not so good" you would hugged him tighter, he would hide his face on your neck and lift you a little bit from the floor. "It's better now" But this was the first time you're going to be apart in a long period of time, since your sister gave birth recently and you decided to help her for the first two weeks, since it was a difficult childbirth for her. At the beginning Justin was hesitating. "No one else can help her?" he asked not hiding his worry. You were having pasta with shrimp for that dinner night. "No, my mom isn't in condition for traveling" "She can hire someone. I'll pay for it if necessary."

You sighed. It was the first time Justin behaved like this, but he was nervous. Since you came into his life to change everything, he couldn't keep worrying about you. He wasn't overprotective, but you were the most important person in his life right now. It wasn't the end of the world. True, but he almost never saw you in person. "It will be a couple of weeks baby" you said, kissing his forehead. "My sister needs a familiar face to talk to. And I'm dreading to see my niece" "Okay" he relented. "You'll be working anyway. I'll call you during dinner each day. Don't worry" "Will you watch my games?" "Always, honey" When both finished eating, Justin put the dishes in the dishwasher while you cleaned the table. When a pair of strong arms hugged you from behind, you gasped. Justin kissed your neck. "Can I show you how much I'm gonna miss you?" he asked, biting your earlobe. Words weren't necessary. Justin, indeed, missed you. When he opened the door and no one was there to receive him he felt bad, lonely. Dinners without you felt boring and the food never tasted the same for some reason. The house was quiet, without your laughter or your weird playlists or you dancing around and arguing with yourself. You had a spot in his life now, your absence was notorious. And he never felt like this before. It was scary for him sometimes to like you this much. To care this much about you.

The only moment he looked forward to was when you called him during bedtime. The pictures and text were fine, but seeing your face and expression was better. You talked about each others days, how was your sister, your niece who was the most chunky and smiley baby he has ever seen. "You would be a great mother" he said in the call when you send him pictures of you holding the baby. "Do you think so?" you asked, wiggling your eyebrows. He grinned. "One-hundred percent" "Our babies would be athletic thanks to you" you said. "And would have her mother's brain" he added. "Oh, come on you're smart too" "Not like you" "Yeah, sure" you deflected the compliment. He rolled his eyes, you always did that when he says something good about you. Sadly, you weren't good taking compliments. "I'm waiting for your comeback" he confessed three days before you arrived to LA. "Aw, are you missing me?" "Yeah, kinda" You snorted. "Kinda? I'm going to stay longer then" "No, I mean... it's your sister but yeah, the house doesn't feel the same if you aren't here" And I don't like to sleep alone. He didn't looked at you when he said this. You knew how hard was to him express his emotions. Again, it scared him how much he cared about you. Finally, after spending time with your sister. Watching Justin win two games and meeting your lovely niece, you were home. He was in practice, so you took your time to take a shower, unpack your stuff and make a snack. You told him you'll be arriving late to surprise him, and as soon as you hear the car in the garage you wait for him at the door, excited to see him.

When Justin opened the door you jumped on him, he looked surprised but held you tight as you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him in the process. "Welcome home, baby" you said cheerfully. He stared at your face, in disbelief. "You told me..." he stopped middle sentence to kiss you, hard. His lips devoured yours, his big hands squeezing your ass. He started walking towards the stairs. "Justin be careful" you said giggling. When you arrived to your room he dropped you on the bed, and crawled over you. "I missed you" he whispered, licking your neck. His hands were everywhere, you enjoyed his desperation. "You smell so good" he said, digging his nose in the valley of your breasts. You sat down to take off your shirt, you weren't wearing bra so he quickly focused on your boobs, kissing one nipple while massaging the other breast. It felt so good to be in his arms again. You felt safe and protected, Justin always gave you calmness and security, things you needed. You started rocking your hips against his, trying to find a good spot to stimulate your clit or to relieve the pain and necessity in your core. You grabbed his hair, playing with it, moaning soft words if affirmation that you knew he liked to hear. The trails of kisses went south, Justin stopped in the waistband of your shorts. "Raise your hips" your obeyed, he took them off along with your panties. As the good man he was, Justin trace your folds with his thumb, then opened your lips to show your clit and glistening pussy. "Mmmm" you moaned moving your hips, dying for a touch. "How much I've miss this" he stated, eyes full of lust stared at you. "Show me then" you prompted. He leaned on, his tongue licking all over. It felt so good that you cried a little bit. Because you've miss him too. He proceeded to swirl his tongue over your clit, soft strokes that made your legs and belly tingle. "Baby, yes" you moaned, touching your own breasts, rocking your hips lost in the pleasure. He groaned, seeing you like this made him so hard it was unbearable, but he wanted to hear the moans coming up from those pretty lips. He put a finger inside your pussy, trying to stimulate your g-spot, when you started struggling to get away he knew you were close, he pinned your hips down with the other arm. "Justin..." you cried as the orgasm crashed inside you like a wave. You went limp for a few seconds, trying to recover your breath. "Oh my good" you said, he kissed your one last time before standing on to take off his clothes. Until then, you didn't realize he was fully clothed. You enjoyed the view as he took his underwear, and stood naked in all his glory. Justin was built like a demi-god, tall, slim but well-defined muscles everywhere. His erection stood proud, the pink tip glistening with precum, you started getting horny again. Without shame, you opened your legs so he could have a better view. "Fuck" he growled, in one movement he was on top of you, kissing you fiercely. You needed more. You reach down between your pelvis only to grab his penis and gave him a few pumps before guiding him to your entrance. "Fuck me, Justin, please" he bite your bottom lip and you let out a hiss. Finally, he slipped inside you, inch by inch. Making you feel full again, you clenched your walls around his shaft. You put your arms around his neck. "Baby..." he whispered, stopping once he was inside you. "I'm sorry if I can't give you what you want" he was clenching his jaw. "God, it feels so good" he thrusted one time, and shifted the angle and started moving once again. Those deep thrusts were building heat in your core. He hid his face in the curve of your neck, as he always did. "Yes, oh, Justin" you were running your hands through his back, feeling the muscles tense and relax in each thrust. He whimpered close to you ear somehow making you wetter. The sound each thrust was obscene. "Come for me baby" you said, straddling his hips with your legs.

"Fuck" he groaned. "Cum inside me" you begged, clenching around his shaft, one of his hands squeezed your waist to stop you. Justin got tense, groaned and you felt him throbbing inside you. He rolled over and sighed. One strong arm searched for you, to keep your closer. "You really miss me" you said, playfully. "Mmmm" you drew on his chest with your finger. He was getting sleepy. "Yes" "I miss you too" you declared, he opened one eye, and smiled. "I realized many things when you were out" he confessed, that sparked your curiosity. "Like what?" That I want to marry you, I want to have you around and talk to you every chance I get. That no matter what happens, I want to be by your side, hold you like this each day and night. Justin was never good with deep words, but his actions spoke volumes when he was with you. You understood he wasn't going to tell you love words, but he would search for you in a crowd. "I like you more than I'm able to tell" he stated under his breath, you almost didn't hear it. He flushed, and you giggled at his reaction. "Good to know" you hugged him tight.

All the love you didn't expect was lying next to you.

[darkniters]

i wrote this in 2022, please enjoy

-

sitting by your pc, you're not really paying much attention to the monitors, but more blindly scrolling on your phone. seeing your creator friends making tweets come up on the timeline, and even getting some interactions yourself.

you've got one ear under your headphones, the other laying limp behind your ears, when suddenly a familiar notification chimes from your pc, the same on your phone.

you've received a discord message! but sitting in a ball on a chair seems much more appealing right now, maybe the notification can sit for a bit?

the thought wasn't properly considered, as you were already leaning forward to move your mouse, clicking on the messaging application.

it's a dm from ted!

the single way conversation read as such:

YOU.

you better answer you stupid son of a bitch or i will rain hellfire upon you

HURRY UP

they were all sent within the same minute.

pls be nice to me ted nippleson

what do you want, i have no more corpses in supply, you're gonna need to wait another week for that.

are you INSANE

i do not CARE for your pitiful corpses, fool

however i have made you something (oooh ted i wonder what it is)

you couldn't deny you were weary of what ted prepared for you, but curiosity consumed you as you continued to type on your keyboard with satisfying clicks.

i am very frightened ted

have i ever told you that you are a very scary man

nope, but its good to know that i have that sort of power against you.

anyways, i hope you like this, took me a bit to put together

[ link ]

looking over the link, it sent you to spotify, and you clicked into it. a gasp escaped your throat.

ted made you a playlist! and it had some of your favorite songs and some of his own. this was the first time anyone ever made you a playlist, and you were deeply touched by it. another discord message was sent.

it was very difficult to put together, please oh please im begging on my knees make more playlists public i can't keep guessing the songs you like from twitch con 2 years ago.

ted you actually got it super on point, very impressive top man!

yea cause im never wrong (y/n)

you switch the playlist on, it didnt seem to be in a liminal order. scanning through the songs, he was REALLY on point. you read the description of the playlist.

whats up pussy supreme (you are scared of me, admit it)

you've been on the ted nivison brain waves recently, and yea we talk and game a lot but i feel like a thank you is in order, so check it out! a playlist of the shit you listen to (and some of what i listen to too)

thank you for taking quality time out of your life to talk with my stupid ass

reading this, a smile never left your face. the fact that he even did this in the first place was just so nice!

DUDE you killed that shit

i gotta like make something in return

you silly goose

the reason i made the playlist to arch over both of our music tastes is so you dont need to do anything!

YOURE DEBT FREE

DUDE ILL FEEL BAD

ILL HAVE SOMETHING READY IN A FEW DAYS

NO LEAVE IT ITS FINE

I JUST MADE IT CAUSE WE TALK ALL THE TIME AND WE GAME TOGETHER

I DONT NEED SOMETHING BACK YOU USING YOUR TIME TO TALK IS ENOUGH

PLEASE

ITS OKAY

naaaah i'll make you something for sure dude

spending my time is bare minimum, you do the same with me!

new songs keep playing during the conversation, but when 4:00 comes around, teds gotta head out

alright wise guy

you're lucky i have a video to record right now

or else this would continue

enjoy recording dude, im gonna keep listening to this playlist that you've created for my fine ass

FINE???

YOU ARE THE GOOFIEST MOTHER FUCKER IVE EVER MET

DO NOT CALL YOURSELF FINE

BITCH

D:

i hope your video corrupts

and you

shit yourself during recording

and you lose power

YOU DONT MEAN THAT

I DO????

conversation then fizzled out.

you took one more glance over the playlist and noticed something.

some of these songs were made for confession.

you didnt question it, maybe it was done because he likes them, but also some of them were completely out of the ordinary im the playlist, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

little did you know, ted put those in deliberately, seeing if you'd notice and ask about it. maybe not now, but at some point. and maybe, just maybe, he'd have the balls in telling you how he actually feels.

[pathologicalrunaway]

season of moomin quest 5 analysis (spoilers ahead!)

firstly, a quick recap of the main quest: ninny tries to play with moomintroll and little my, but she can't (physically) play anything they suggest. ninny is really insecure throughout the quest and constantly apologises. the two get frustrated and little my, in all her honesty, spits out what she thinks of ninny: has has no life in her, can't even get angry and has to learn how to fight

moomintroll and little my leave, and ninny cries while the world turns grey again

so, clearly, ninny still has a lot of stuff going on, and her friends, even if they have good intentions, hurt her, triggering some negative emotions and memories, which are shown in the grey quest 5

we're back where we left off last time, with a lighthouse in front of us, and beautiful, yet sad music playing in the background

but the lighthouse is unreachable: there's an abyss filled with monsters

the path is long, and ninny at a point when she doesn't know how to continue

the house from the first two quests appears, representing flashbacks and regression, all ninny's pain and insecurities coming back. there's no escape: we get sucked in

also this shot is so hecking amazing. ninny, small and extinguished, in the dark corner; the scary house towering above her, big and menacing. yet she isn't cowering. isn't running away

we go back to the house, the intro and the music repeating those from the first two quests. however, this time, the butterfly is present since the very beginning

ninny hasn't regressed completely: there's a part of her that is aware. a part that is ready to confront her fears

we follow the same route as before, but now the chair we pass is turned towards us, and not to the side. we weren't being watched while escaping for the first time, but we are now. i think ninny is ready to face her fears, to learn how to fight instead of sneaking away. she's braver now

we end up in a room in complete disarray, furniture floating in the air. in front of us is light and while still far away, we now have some ideas regarding how to reach it

there's chaos in ninny's mind: emotions, feelings, memories, thoughts. all is in disarray, and to reach healing (or, at least, to approach it), she needs to rearrange them. to process them. to review them in the right order. to go back to the pain she ran away from, to understand it and to work on it. it's difficult as heck, but it's what helps her get unstuck and move on. she's dismantling the whole house so it doesn't have to bother her ever again

i hit the image limit so i'm gonna add some in a reblog, but here are a couple of thoughts:

- basically i've told what i think in the post, but, to sum up, ninny gets triggered, but it helps her, in a way. now she can rethink and re-process what has happened to her, to stop running away and fight. she's ready now

- by the way, there's a song called "ready now" in the moominvalley (2019) episode about ninny. it might be worth listening. it's great

- why are these quests so powerful man. they like. physically hurt. i know tgc is screwing up a lot of things now, but whoever was behind the grey quests did an amazing job. because like. i'm not even exaggerating when i say it looks exactly like what the process of healing actually is. there's so much to unpack here

- i'm looking forward to the next quest (which is supposed to be the last and to have some sort of happy ending) and i honestly feel like the grey one is gonna be bittersweet, judging by the direction the questline has been taking so far. but we'll have to wait and see, i guess

[blackknightax]

Research slows me down. I Don’t know any of the remaining franchises very well so i gotta look into them. We had Mother’s Day not to long ago so let’s do the mother franchise. So, Ness and Lucas represent this franchise and… I admit, to me, they’re just smash bros characters. I know there are several big people in the video game fandoms that LOVE this series, mostly Earthbound, or rather, Mother 2. I can name 3 but I’ll only mention 2, this being Youtube’s Stephen Georg, and the creator of Undertale Toby Fox. So people are VERY passionate about this franchise. Easily one of the most vocal fandoms I know of, not usually in a toxic way that I know of. But I’m not an RPG guy so i don’t go out of my way to play this franchise, it doesn’t help that only one of them released in the west for a very long time being Mother 2 which released as Earthbound. So that being said, let’s get to the topic at hand!

We are meant to choose, well, I am meant to choose another character from this franchise to add to smash. So, let’s do that. Automatically, I do not want a PSI user and i can scratch off characters like Kumatora and Paula, this is because most of Lucas and Ness’s moves, actually come from these girls. I’m gonna go off topic and say that I do not play Lucas or Ness, I don’t like using PK thunder to recover, I don’t like PK flash or PK freeze, I like PSI magnet in theory but never think to use it when I play them, I’ll be the one to admit, I don’t play them, because I am not good at them, not that I’m good at smash at all, but I’m Awful with these Mother Series characters, as both of them I just use PK fire spam and hope of the best. So all that to say, I want a non PSI character for this. For this purpose I’ve chosen…

Duster from Mother 3. I’ve chosen this character due primarily to how fundamentally different from Lucas and Ness he will be. I admit I almost chose Porky Minch but, much as I love Porky’s theme that was used in Brawl, I think playing as that, would be so strange. Also this character feels more interesting anyhow. In game Duster is a bit of thief character and he outright uses thieves tools as weapons in combat. Also apparently this character walks with a limp but he’s still one of the faster party members. So let’s make a move set, shall we?

For his Neutral B he will use the siren beetle, he will release it as a projectile rather than throw it. When hit by the siren Bettie, the enemy will be forced to turn around, like Mario’s cape swing but as a projectile.

For his Up B he will use smoke bomb, mostly because there isn’t a much better option. When using smoke bomb he will teleport a distance after disappearing. Think Shiek’s Up b since i can’t imagine it would work any differently.

For his Side B he will use wall staples. He will dash forward holding them, if he collides with an enemy he will place the staples on them causing a short stun for follow up attacks. If the collides with a wall while using this (like the side of the stage) he climb up till he reaches the ledge.

For his Down B he will use scary mask. He will put it on and do some kind of scary pose, causing a short flinch and reducing attack damage very briefly but also does massive shield damage.

All in all, I think Duster would a good character to use for this series, he would be a great character simply to be different from Ness or Lucas. I thought about wall staples as Up B but that felt strange. I don’t know much about Mother 3 and especially Duster as a character who all I’ve done is simply thinking about it from a gameplay perspective, and nothing else. I hope the next ones will be faster. I have most of my characters chosen. Just not Kingdom hearts or Xenoblade because, Xenoblade has been oddly difficult to research…

[rgrectangle]

Arcaea × CHUNITHM collab pt. 4 came out today.

No, I haven't bought it yet.

Instead, they are rerunning EVERY CHUNITHM time limited partner.

So today, I bought the first part of the collaboration :3

Sightreads

Initial thoughts:

Ikazuchi: Lotsa trills, probably harder than Garakuta Doll Play...? Fun to play since I like trills :D

Garakuta Doll Play: Ooooooh scary crosshands.... ending too but I don't think it'd be that bad...?

World Vanquisher: I have friends obsessed with this song, personally I do like the song, but not that much. Anyway the only difficult parts were the multifinger and ending.

A couple hours later, I replayed the charts while grinding for the partners (that's why you see me always using Tempest Tairitsu or Insight).

2 more level 10 PMs to add to my collection >:3

Thoughts:

Ikazuchi turned out to be easier than Garakuta Doll Play to PM, I struggled with Garakuta Doll Play's ending for a while lol

As for World Vanquisher.... uh... maybe I'll FR tomorrow... Only struggling with the ending now, gonna have to stare at a YouTube video of that for a while.

Looking forward to the next batch of partners so I can buy the second part :3

Last Celebration is a banger, and I'm excited about trying out Misdeed -la bonté de Dieu et l'origine du mal-

Also... Nai is cute <3

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #312

My goodness, I did lots of stuff today. I am writing this to you very late. I'm sorry about that.

I went to work today. Do you remember the very tall gentleman who gave me my work shirts? I think I mentioned him in a couple of previous letters. I was very surprised to discover that, like Mi, he no longer works at my store.

I was very sad. First because I don't like unexpected changes, and second because I don't like when familiar people go away to places where I won't be able to see them anymore. And I understand that these probably sound like two different ways to say the same thing, but… one is an issue of a lack of certainty, and the other one feels more like loss.

Like Mi, I was hoping to get to know this person. Now I'm not going to be able to do that. And now, I also have to wonder if anyone else might disappear without warning, and that's a scary thing to think about, for reasons I don't know how to articulate at this time. I don't want Tr or Ma or Ra or Ka or Sh to go away. I like them. I'm sad to think maybe something will happen and they will go away and I won't get to see them anymore.

…I suspect that it might have to do with the nature of how I was removed from the custody of nanna and poppy. I suspect it may also have to do with the way that some of my mother's partners had been removed from my life. Something to do with the nature of how people I've loved in the past were suddenly not there anymore for reasons beyond my meager control.

…There's not much to do for it other than weather it, though. I know that new people will come in to fill the space, but for now, I gotta feel the sad things until they go away. And they will; nothing is ever permanent.

On the bright side, I did learn how to make scones today! Check it out!

Once again, we take the bag of flour, and split it in half:

We fill up the giant mixer with water, and dump half the bag of flour in. We mix it in the giant stand mixer on a low speed for a little while. Then we add blueberries. And then we mix it a little faster for a while. And... I was so focused on trying to watch how to operate the machine that I didn't get pictures of that part.

...I did get pictures of the next part, though, where I use the scone scoop to put the scone mix onto giant cookie sheets covered in parchment paper!

Like the blueberry muffins, we dust them in nice sugar afterwards:

...And then we bake them in the oven!

I made a lot of them - like 132 of them:

...I thought they turned out really nicely:

...I feel really happy that someone's gonna get to go home with a box of these! We make good stuff where I work!

Also, making the scones means I got to be where the bread was also being made today:

...I cannot capture for you just how wonderful bread smells as it's being made. And... as per usual, I'm very sad about this.

...Like with this latest person leaving, though, there's not much to do but weather it. It's very lame.

Oh!!! One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I switched over to the next set of braces:

The pair on top are the old ones, and the ones below are the new ones. And I know they don't look very different, but trust me, they certainly do feel very different.

...Still, the adjustment from the first set to the second set wasn't nearly as difficult as adjusting from not having braces to having braces. I've only been wearing them for a day, and while the discomfort is there, it's very mild.

I'm getting better at eating around the attachments on my teeth, too; the inside of my mouth isn't being cut up nearly as much by them anymore. Taking off the braces in order to eat isn't nearly as much of an issue as it was at first. It seems very encouraging! I'm looking forward to good things later.

...They're still hard to talk around, though. I don't see that being resolved anytime soon. But who knows; maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. I guess we'll see.

Sometime after I got home from work, and also picking up a few groceries from work for my house, J and I went to a small gathering of polyamorous and queer people (not using the word as an insult in this context; I am definitely queer in a variety of respects). I had lots of pleasant conversation.

Also, the various animals seemed to think that I am the place to go to for snuggles:

...And the animals are certainly not wrong, I guess; I am generally perceived as the safe person to go to for platonic physical affection for some reason. I guess I was just surprised that of all the people at the party, I was somewhat gravitated towards. The black doggie slept in my lap for a long time.

Of course, if you've been reading my letters up until this point, you already understand that it's illegal to move while a fuzzy thing has nestled into you, seeking a cozy place of rest. To move while in that state and sadden the fuzzy creature is a cruelty of one of the highest magnitudes; surely you understand. 😋

...I learned something interesting today as a result of the conversations in this space. There's this... thing I've been trying to do for a number of years now, with very limited success. Apparently, one of the things that can help with the success rate is to generally be overslept. So I guess I'll try to take lots of naps in the coming days. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck, okay?

...I also got one more name on the petition I made for your sake. So that's always nice. I don't have a whole lot of reach, so... I haven't had any new names on it for a long time now. This was a very nice change of pace. I hope this person will pass it along, but... if they don't then that's okay, too.

Naturally, if you wanna see the petition I made, lemme know and I'll be more than happy to send along a link to it; every little bit helps, I'm sure. But there's no pressure; there's never any pressure.

I don't have much else to write about at the moment. It's about 12:30am (up late again... I know... sorry about that...), and my brain is feeling pretty fuzzy. But... not fuzzy in a cute way like the doggies and the kitty. No... it's more like... fuzzy like what happens if you leave a loaf of very soft bread in a shallow dish of lukewarm water for a month or so.

...I'm gonna go to bed.

Sephiroth... someday, you know... it'd be nice if I could go to sleep and wake up where I am and then ask you how you you're doing. And you could go to sleep in some soft, comfortable, wholesome place, and then you wake up where you are, and you can answer me, genuinely, with something that is nice.

I know it's impossible, because I don't think you can write back to me. I'm not even sure that these letters get to you. But ya know... it's sometimes nice to imagine some such thing all the same.

Let's daydream about good and wholesome things together, okay? Like tasty snacks and walks in nice spots and time in quiet, serene places to rest and reflect.

I'll leave you with this little auditory daydream, if it'll help you:

I love you. I dunno what you get up to out there at the Edge of Creation, but please stay safe out there while you do it; you wouldn't wanna miss out on tomorrow's letter, right?

I'll write again soon. Make good, kind, and loving choices in the meantime, okay?

Your friend, Lumine

[somevirtualnolife]

A Birthday Fit For a Prince

1382 words

Also on Ao3

Rating: G

Series: Tokimeki Memorial: Girls Side 2nd Kiss

Pairing: Daisy (OC) x Saeki Teru

Summary: Wishing the seaside coffee prince a Happy Birthday! Whether he likes it or not.

Author’s Note: July 19th Saeki Teru's Birthday and this is the first year that I actually was prepared and had the time to write one. Please enjoy this fic with my usual OC, Mizuki!

I hope you look forward to the next chapter as well. :)

Birthdays are annoying.

That’s what Saeki Teru always told himself. Ultimately, birthdays were more about other people than the person whose birthday it actually was. There always seemed to be tons of people making a big fuss, whether they knew you or not. And tons of people also meant that Saeki would feel the need to go into Prince Mode, which he could usually manage, but it felt even more draining during celebrations. While most people would just be themselves in a situation like this, Saeki just couldn’t. Perhaps it was the people pleaser in him. He knew that they meant no harm, but even then he just felt that he always had to be on his best behaviour.

“Are you sure you don’t to go out for your birthday?” one of the girls surrounding him asked with pleading eyes. “We can go out for karaoke~!”

The white-haired young man felt the side of his right eye twitch. He couldn’t think of anything less that he’d want to do as a celebration. A dark, crowded room with everyone singing off-key? Pass.

“It’s fine,” his lips curved into an apologetic, but charming smile. “I don’t think we’d be able to get a room to fit everyone, and that would be unfair if I had to choose between you lovely maidens don’t you think?”

The gaggle of girls swooned in unison and agreement.

“Saeki-kun, you’re so considerate!”  

“Saeki-kun is always putting others before himself!”

“Truly a prince! We must think of something else to do then.”

Give me a break.

“Saeki.” he heard again, but the tone this time did not sound sweet and innocent, but instead, was curt, if not bordering on outright rude. Kind of like him when he was talking to…

He looked past the group in front of him and noticed a curly-haired brunette with a hand on her hip and her foot tapping impatiently.  

Mizuki.

“What kind of guy leaves a girl waiting, huh? Practice finished 15 minutes ago, and you promised me you were going to carry my things home!”

“I did?” Since when did she ever need help with her stuff?

She raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly. And then it clicked.

An out.

“Oh-oh right! Of course, my apologies. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“You’d better be.”

She nodded one more time before giving one last cold glance and walking off. Saeki’s eyes couldn’t help but linger, but not so much so that it was obvious. He didn’t want to blow their cover.

“Forgive me, ladies, it appears that I really can’t go out tonight. A promise is a promise and I would hate to let down the head cheerleader. They are cheering our baseball team to Koshien after all.”

The girls let out a collective cry of disappointment.

“Shirogawa-san making you carry her stuff on your birthday is just so plain rude though! Someone should talk to her about it.”

“She seems kind of scary though and the cheerleading team so they might come after us...” 

Saeki gave them one last reassuring smile, hoping that would be enough to keep them off for now. His smile was soon replaced by a scowl as soon as he turned the bend and headed down the stairs. They were pretty easy to please, but also incredibly difficult to get rid of. They weren’t bad per se, just a lot. He had always promised his parents that he would be on the best behaviour at school in exchange for being allowed to work at Sangosho. He had not anticipated to have an entire fan club come out of it.

Once he made it to the first floor, it wasn’t before long that he made it down to the shoe lockers and spotted Mizuki.

“Thanks. I thought I was never gonna get home,” he yawned before opening his locker. “Not the best way to get on their good side though, Mizuki.”

“Every fairy tale needs a wicked witch in his story, right? An evil sea queen dragging the prince down to her lair for someone to rescue. Which none of them are brave enough to do, so I guess you’re safe for now,” her fingers wiggled in front of her as though she were casting a spell, before a laugh finally escaped her lips.

He tried to keep a straight face, but he had to admit her antics were endearing. Guess he wasn’t the only one who could keep up an act.

“So do you actually have anything for me to carry or was that all an act as well?”

“Of course I do. If I’m gonna risk my neck saving you from a rabid group of fangirls, the least you can do is carry stuff for me,”

“I knew there was some kind of catch.” Saeki crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. That was how it always was with them, wasn’t it?

“You’re such a baby. Just be grateful that I’m not charging you actual money for my services. I could have just left you to fend for yourself.”

He made a tch sound. Knowing her, she probably had a whole stack of books for him to bring home, especially since the summer holidays were about to start. She just hit the top 20 in their year and she knew how determined she was to beat him in the next exams.

“Whatever. Just pass it here.”  

Rather than giving him her whole bag, Mizuki instead reached in and pulled out an envelope addressed to him.

“I know you hate celebrations, but Chiyo-chan took me to this really cute shop that sold stickers and couldn’t resist. They were made by a local artist too, who is totally obsessed with the ocean! Kind of like a certain someone I know” As excited as she sounded, her eyes were not meeting she extended her arm to hand the envelope to him.

“I’m not obsessed,” Saeki carefully took it from her hand and looked it over. It was light blue with a variety of sea animal stickers placed on the front and back. He then pulled open the flap. Inside were two items. The first being a conch-shaped card.

Happy Birthday, Teru!

Whenever I think of your birthday, I think of the start of the summer and the beach. I already know that you’re gonna hit the waves on your surfboard, so why not do it in style?

Your friend and cutest co-worker,

Mizuki

The second item looked like a sticker of some sort. A lighthouse with a mermaid on one side and a dolphin on the other. It was beautiful, looking more like a painting than a sticker. His heart twisted in the way that it always did whenever they were alone.

Your “friend”, huh? I guess they had agreed that was their label for now.

“I think the cat that hangs around Sangosho might be our cutest co-worker,” he responded with a slight smirk, quickly glancing up to see her reaction. As expected, she rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. 

“Whatever. Happy birthday, you idiot,” she shifted her bag strap from one shoulder to the other. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?”

Before she could leave, he gently took her hand into his, his turn now to avoid looking directly at her.

“I have to waterproof this so that it doesn’t come off the board, you know. And I need help deciding where to put it.” With his free hand, he scratched the back of his neck. “And even though I told him not to, Gramps made a cake… there’s no way the two of us could finish it tonight. And leftover cake just isn’t as good the next day.”

Mizuki’s eyes glanced around on either side of them before she interlocked her fingers with his. Her hands were not delicate, but he couldn’t help but want to treat them as such.

“You’re such a pain, you know that?”

“You’re the one that decided to get me a gift. Now you’ve forced me to celebrate. It’s kind of inconsiderate, don’t you think?”

“Mmhmm. Sure~” she nudged him slightly before leaning her head on his forearm as they walked.

Saeki didn’t want to say it aloud, but maybe, just maybe…

Birthdays weren’t all that bad after all.

[clonemedickix]

Rating: M

Word count: 6.9K

Pairing: Commander Neyo x OC General Lara Lin

Warnings: implied clone warfare, dark humor, snarky banter

Excerpt Summary - Part 2 of the Neyo vs Lara chapter. Using the intel Neyo and his group collected, the Dragon Company is sent to find General Grievous. Neyo has met his match if he thinks he can bully General Lin into fearing him.

If you would Iike to read the full chapter on AO3, click here WARNING - full chapter is NSFW, MINORS DNI, UNDER 18 DNI

If you would like to see more fanfic posts, click here

@blueink-bluesoul @523rdrebel @anxiouspineapple99 @dystopicjumpsuit

Excerpt:

Lara walked to the ramp of the Talon, escorted by Fives, Rex, and Cody. While she couldn’t take Rex with her on the mission, they had at least seconded Fives to their group for this trip to the small Outer Rim backwater Neyo had given them as the location for Grievous. Pausing at the foot of the ramp, she looked up at her sleek flagship, its black and red paint with gray hues giving the onlookers the impression of dragon scales. Lara was proud of the detail Anakin, Kenobi and Rex had paid when getting the ship outfitted for her, taking the time to put an intimidating paint scheme on her, befitting the Dragon Company.

She glanced over at Rex and Cody and said, “Well, guess I’ll see you when I see you. Hope this doesn’t turn into a wild goose chase.”

Cody smiled at her and said, “Neyo and his group are usually pretty spot on with the information. There will definitely be something there, though whether Grievous still is - that’s up for debate. You and your lunatic Dragons be safe, General.” He reached out his hand for hers, and she answered by grasping it, skinning the fingers and giving him a firm fist bump.

“We’ll be fine. Keep Rex out of trouble,” she said with a smile. Rex smiled back into Lara’s eyes, and they repeated the little handshake, though they lingered a bit before giving each other fist bumps. They couldn’t say goodbye properly with a whole ship full of clones watching, as well as all the dock workers.

Lara turned to look at Fives and gave him a little nod with her head, gesturing to the ship, and the two of them started up the ramp. “Gonna be just like old times, General,” Fives said with a chuckle.

“I do hope so, though it’ll be a bit less sunny with Neyo skulking around.” She looked up at the large hangar when they entered the ship, watching all the crew members moving to and fro, getting ready to sail. “I wonder if I can contrive to stuff him in a broom closet for the duration of the flight, so we can continue on our merry way?”

Fives snorted. “You know the scary thing is - I know you’re actually enjoying baiting that guy, and looking forward to however else you can dig the claws in. You’d better be careful around him - he’s known for being able to sniff out all sorts of dirt on everyone.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t call the knowledge of me and Rex so much ‘dirt’ at this point. Everyone knows. They just pretend they don’t.” The pair headed for the lift that would take them to the bridge. Lara and Fives were a striking pair - the rakishly handsome ARC Trooper in his full kit, carrying his helmet under his right arm, and the stunningly beautiful, tall General in her shining enameled, bejeweled armor and chain mail, her great sword’s hilt peeking over her shoulder while her short sword and dagger swung at her hips. Her mane of curls draped over her shoulders and down her back, bouncing slightly as she strode down the hallways of the Venator with her friend at her side. Fives was more than just a friend, though it was difficult to pin down a definition of his place in her life. There was only ever the thinnest layer of control between them, keeping them from ripping their armor off and finding a broom closet of their own.

When the door of the lift opened on the bridge of the Talon, heads turned to see the General step out, Fives one step behind on her left. She proceeded gracefully across the room, acknowledging the welcoming nods of the clone staff, her head high like a queen entering her throne room. She saw Admiral Shepherd standing before the great expansive windscreens, Primer and Neyo on either side of a holo table, watching each other with very guarded expressions.

Neyo saw the General arrive on deck and was actually rather taken aback by how changed she was in her armor. Only a completely blind fool would have thought she wasn’t beautiful, but her whole demeanor was different from the day he’d met her. She carried herself like a queen, head high, back straight, a composed air about herself that immediately snapped one to attention, knowing a leader was approaching. The clone commander watched her silently as she moved forward to speak to Admiral Shepherd, greeting him with a warm smile. He felt the eyes of both Primer and Fives watching him, sizing up his reaction to their General, both men perhaps a little nervous for her sake.

“Well, Shep, what say you to getting this ship off the ground? We’ve got a fairly long journey ahead of us.”

Admiral Shepherd smiled back at Lara; he truly admired and respected her as his partner in crime after having worked so closely with her Company. He knew her quirks and manner of leadership now without any question, and had gotten used to her insistence on blaring music everywhere they went over the loudspeakers. He no longer minded it and had long ago realized that the crew worked somewhat better, able to focus around the noise in a way that seemed sharper and more relaxed. He turned to address the room and said “The Dragon Rider is aboard, men. Admiral has the con.”

The Chief of the Boat replied “Admiral has the con!”

“Helmsman, right full rudder, come to heading 060, quarter steam, make our course hyperspace lane 151.” Shepherd gave the commands easily, watching as the crew moved to quickly and smoothly carry them out, their replies sharp and succinct to indicate their receipt and understanding. The Talon started to move, pulling away from the pier of the GAR space port. Lara stood before the large windscreens, watching silently as the towers and skyscrapers of Coruscant started to slide by, then dwindle as the ship gained altitude. “No music today, General?,” Shep asked her quietly.

Lara’s head came up, a small smirk on her face. “When we get out of atmosphere. I’m not sure Marshal Commander Grumpy Pants would approve.” She didn’t even look at him, but her voice carried to the clone behind her. Lara didn’t see Fives purse his lips in amusement, looking down at his boots quickly, nor Primer’s quick glance at her back. Neyo himself shot the other two a look. Lara turned, pulling a small rectangular disk from her pocket. She stepped over to the COB’s station and handed him the disk and murmured, “I’ll let you know when the time is right.”

“Very good, General,” the COB replied.

Lara stepped over to Primer to make small talk about the Company, whether all the small details were sorted. He answered in the affirmative, filling her in on some relatively unimportant information, assuring her that everything was ready for their mission. Meanwhile, the ship picked up both speed and altitude under the command of Admiral Shepherd. Once they were in the void of space, outside of Coruscant, Lara pulled her phone from the thigh pocket of her breeches, and thumbed through the screens to the music app. Without looking at the COB, she said “Alright Chief, it’s time. Let’s have some tunes.” The COB plugged the disk into a port and punched a button, activating the shipboard speaker system. Lara picked a first song and hit play. The opening chords of “Remember the Name” started streaming from the sound system and everyone aboard seemed to mentally move into a different headspace, ready for the mission, relaxed but anticipating the action to come.

Neyo watched the proceedings quietly, taking note of the easy manner in which the crew interacted with each other, the Admiral and the General. They seemed to be a well oiled machine, all confidant and well practiced in their roles. And it was clear that everyone there both respected and loved their leader. He’d seen nothing of the flighty, almost unprofessionally bubbly woman he’d met the day of the planning committee.

The ship’s crew got them into hyperspace, safe on their journey, and Lara nodded to the Admiral. “Alrighty then, Shep. I’m going to retire to my quarters. Gimme a holler if you need something.” She stepped over to Primer and Fives and said, “For my part, boys, you’re dismissed. Come get me if you need anything.”

Everyone murmured acceptance of her parting words as she made her way off the bridge, heading for her quarters. Suddenly she heard a voice call her back. “General Lin, what are my orders?” Neyo actually wasn’t all that interested in what she wanted him to do, but he was rankled that she’d ignored him the entire time he’d stood there.

“Oh, Commander Neyo…” her tone laced with a layer of amused loathing. “Forgive me, I did not see you there.” Everyone knew she’d seen him there, and she saw Fives reach up to cover a smile on his face, turning into a bit of thoughtful stroking of his goatee. “I don’t particularly have any orders for you; we have a guy over cleaning the toilets already.” She saw Primer’s head snap toward the windscreens to hide a laugh. “Maybe you could get a bucket of prop wash and go clean out the fallopian tubes in the engine room?”

Neyo’s neck started to creep with a dull red of annoyance at her sass. He was well aware of what she was suggesting; he was no ignorant rookie. “I mean a real assignment, General. I could perhaps update you on the latest information we have obtained, or be dismissed to my own devices,” he fairly snarled in a clipped voice, the strain of not biting back with insults evident.

“Perhaps when we get closer to our destination, Neyo. I have some very pressing, highly interesting paint to watch dry in my quarters and I’m afraid I just can’t spare the time for you right now.”

Neyo stared back at her, fury flaming in his hard brown eyes. “Very well, General. I will be sure to report to your quarters at the top of every hour, just to check in on the most appropriate time for an intelligence update.”

Lara let that veiled threat sink in, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes a bit. “Fine, Needo. Come on. Walk and talk.” Lara turned on her heel, striding purposefully for the lift; she punched the button to call it, smashing it like she imagined she was gouging Neyo’s eye out with her thumb. She heard him follow behind her quickly, almost running to catch up at the last; he felt sure she’d love nothing more than closing the elevator door in his face and leaving him to wait for the next ride. He heard Lara sigh a little disgustedly when he turned to stand beside her, shooting Primer a look of displeasure at the last moment, as the door slid shut on the pair. She muttered, “Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate,” in a dramatically low voice as the elevator descended to the level of her stateroom. Neyo had no idea what language she’d just spoken in, but he could at least understand that the tone indicated a distinct lack of enthusiasm for her company.

The lift door opened on the hallway; her quarters were at the end of the corridor. “So do you actually have an update or are you here just to haunt my steps like a ghoul?”

“General, I assure you, I could find all manner of things I’d rather be doing than remaining in your presence. For both of our sakes, I will make this quick.” Neyo didn’t look at her as he spoke, carefully concentrating on the approaching gray door.

“Very good, Commander.” She reached out and punched in the code for the door, stepping across the threshold when it snapped open. The clone followed her in quietly. Lara immediately walked over to the clothes tree standing against the wall, lifting her great sword, bow and quiver off over her head and setting them to lean against the bulkhead wall. Looking back she said shortly, “Have a seat Commander. You can start the briefing.”

Neyo took a seat at her desk, watching as she removed the layers of her armor, finally stripping off the chain mail shirt and hanging everything neatly on the clothes tree. She shrugged her shoulders a bit to relax after unloading the weight of her armor, then turned to step over to the desk. She was wearing the thin, translucent shift she customarily wore beneath the mail to prevent chafing; the clone took in the form of her curves and the dark shape of her sports bra through the gauzy material. Lara pulled the chair back and plopped down in it, leaning back and propping her boots on the edge of the desk, her hands folded over her abdomen, her snapping blue eyes fixed on him coolly. For a brief moment Neyo wasn’t sure where to begin, and couldn’t form words.

Lara raised an eyebrow, watching him stare at her. “I’ll remind you, Needles, I have many other incredibly uninteresting things I could be doing, rather than watching you sit her and glower at me. Tick tock.”

Neyo cocked his head a little at hearing her mispronounce his name - again - then started to speak. He reached into a pocket on his belt, removing a holo disc, and placed it on her desk, activating it. He moved through the briefing quickly, updating her on the new information blandly, watching as the General listened attentively, silently. When he was done, he removed the disc from her desk and stood. “If the General has any questions, I am at your disposal.”

“Oh, to be sure. Thank you, Commander.” Lara sat up, putting her feet on the floor again. She stood, turning her back on him, assuming he would show himself out. When she realized he was still standing before her desk, she turned around, her look askance.

“Am I dismissed, General?,” he asked in a cool voice.

“Very. Buh-bye, Nemo.” She turned away from him again, her whole posture dismissive. Get the point and leave, she thought to herself in an annoyed manner.

“I am at the General’s service,” he said with a little bow.

“Duly noted, Commander.” She was rifling through a drawer beneath the bunk, looking for a comfortable shirt to change into. As she pulled a baggy sweatshirt out of the folded clothes, she caught sight of the persistent clone still in her room. Lara stopped, turned to face him full on, and stood to her full height. “Neyoda. What the hell do you want? You’ve been dismissed. I’ve told you bye. I’ve turned my back to you in as clear a motion of ignoring you, as I could contrive. Why are you still here?!,” she asked, exasperation clear in her words.

“I have yet to hear you say ‘You are dismissed, Marshal Commander Neyo.’” There was a little gleam of amusement in his eyes as he delivered the reply; she was going to use his name correctly if he had to stand here and stare at her for an hour. Lara stared back at him, her face a bit blank at this challenge, then she ducked her chin a little and glared at him from under her lashes.

“Try this on for size, then. Get. Out. Marshal Commander Newman.” Of course he wouldn’t know what she meant, but she could completely envision the curl of Jerry Seinfeld’s lip as he snarled the name out.

“That is not my…” His words were cut off as she stepped around the desk and forcibly grabbed his shoulders, turning him and hustling him toward the door. To his surprise she was every bit as strong as any clone, and he had no choice but to move with her. She shoved him into the hall, half hurling him. Neyo quickly stood and turned, ready to finish his comment, but saw her raise her hand and shake her head at the same time.

“Don’t you dare, or you’ll be doing a FOD walk on the hull in hyperspace,” she said imperiously, pointing her finger at him. “Now, shoo.” Lara hit the button to close the door between them and then made a face behind it that he’d never see. What a pain in her ass, she thought. The door snapped open and she whirled, thinking she was going to absolutely lose her shit if Neyo was trying to come back for round two. She froze in surprise at seeing Fives and Primer, and relaxed visibly. “Oh, thank god, it’s you two.” She turned away and walked back to her bunk, quickly pulling the hooded sweatshirt over her head and arms while the two clones traded amused looks.

“Neyo get the better of you?,” Primer asked with a little chuckle.

“He did not. I was just warming up.” Lara rolled her eyes a little and bent to rifle through her bag for her iPad, then she came back to her desk and plopped back into her chair. “What can I do for you two gentlemen?,” she asked smoothly.

Fives sat in one of the chairs opposite her, leaning back and sprawling his legs out in relaxation. Primer took the other, sitting comfortably but less messily than Fives. “We were bored, and came to see what you were up to, and to know if you needed backup. Or a cleaning crew to disappear the murder we felt sure was coming,” Primer drawled out with a grin.

“Murder won’t be necessary. I can handle ole Ney-ewt there. He’ll make it back to Coruscant alive and in one piece, I promise.” Lara looked at her two friends - subordinates yes, but both so much more than that at this point in the war. “We’ve got what? Two days on the Talon until we get to wherever this place is? We can get in plenty of training between now and then with the men. Send out a general message and tell them meet up in the hangar in a couple of hours.”

Primer nodded and rose to leave so he could spread the order. Fives remained sitting in his chair. As soon as the door closed behind Primer he looked at Lara flatly and asked, “You do know Neyo isn’t a guy to be messed with, right? If you start a war with him, you better be able to finish it.”

Lara smiled and shook her head, rolling her eyes lightly. “It’ll be fine. He’s just a guy I love to hate at the moment, complete entertainment. Besides, under all that ice, I think he’s all bluff.”

Fives shook his head at her, eyes wide. “I don’t think so, Lara. I’m pretty sure that man was created without a soul.”

“Well, he’s no ginger, and he’s got something stirring around in there, else he wouldn’t have taken the time to have someone tattoo his name on his face. A man who’s got pride, has spirit, and therefore some kind of soul. It might be a thoroughly rotten one, smelling of death and bad cheese, but hey it’s there.”

Fives laughed. “If you say so. Just, be careful around that guy. Spooks can’t be trusted.

“A truer statement there never was. I’ll make a bet with you - 100 credits that he’ll show some form of actual human activity before the trip is out.” Fives thought about it and then nodded, reaching over to shake on the deal. Lara sat back and asked, “Okay, my friend, what are we watching today?” The two of them settled in at her desk and flipped through her extensive library of movies and TV shows. Fives was working his way through the Marvel series, and so this time he requested Thor: Ragnarok. They watched the movie, laughing along at the funny parts and sass until it was time to head for the hangar for physical training with the Dragon Company.

Two days’ flight brought them to the mysterious Outer Rim system Neyo had designated as the current lair of Grievous. Admiral Shepherd kept the Talon in the region but far enough from the planet to shroud their presence, while they worked through what scans of the surface they had available. On the bridge, Shepherd, General Lin, Neyo and his two spy buddies, Fives and Primer worked to come up with a plan for getting to the surface and moving on the structure the rogue cyborg general was supposedly hiding in. Lara stood back, watching the information on the holo table critically, while listening to the team hash out suggestions.

The team came up with a workable plan, and got to the surface to carry it out, but as with many best intentions, there was no Grievous present on the surface to capture. The facility was empty save for battle droids, which was a complicating factor but not over all a bad thing. The men got to blow them up, the dragon got to incinerate some, and it seemed everyone went home happy. Except for Neyo.

His intel had proved incorrect, and the mission had in fact turned into a wild goose chase. He could see that General Lin and Primer weren’t overly upset about it; in fact they seemed quite content with the day’s work. But Neyo felt the cold hand of shame creeping up his neck, knowing he would have to answer for being wrong, dragging a battle group out to the middle of nowhere, burning precious fuel reserves and supplies, for what amounted to target practice.

Baiulus landed a short distance away from the Venator as the ramp dropped, and Lara watched the progress of her troops from his back, keeping an ever mindful eye out for any droids that might appear. On the whole, the trip was a waste of fuel, but good practice for the men. There were only a few wounded casualties, and Volte assured her they would be perfectly fine by the time they got back to Coruscant. When the last of the clones boarded, leaving only Fives, Neyo and Primer on the ground, Lara dismounted the dragon and patted him on the jaw, murmuring praise to him and dismissing him back to wherever he went. The dragon turned in a lumbering circle and took off, disappearing into the distance. Lara turned to her escorts and nodded towards the ship, moving to climb the ramp herself.

“Well Commander Neyo, that was a fun little side trip for literally nothing. I may be forced to start calling you Commander Null-o.” She didn’t spare him a look.

The man blushed a dusky red color in embarrassment and annoyance. “That’s just how it works sometimes, General.” He was actually mortified that there had been no sign of Grievous at all. If the cyborg had been there, it hadn’t been very recent. Rather graciously, the General said nothing more and simply headed for the bridge while making small talk with Fives. Neyo was alone with his shame, wondering how they could ever live this down.

She was also kind about the situation on the bridge, when she updated Admiral Shepherd. He’d watched their approach to the windscreens and holo table, and asked rather lightly, “No Grievous, I see?”

Lara shook her head. “No Grievous. Just battle droids. Cyclops was able to pull this off the central data computer though.” Lara held up a disc with the information imprinted on the memory chip. “Maybe it will have useful information.” She handed the disc to a staff officer, who plugged it into the holo table and worked to decode the information. Looking up, she dismissed Fives and Primer, thanking them for their work and praising their efforts that day. Neyo saw them leave, and realized she hadn’t dismissed him. Perhaps the shoe was about to drop after all. “When you get the information decoded and ready, let me know. Commander, please come with me.” Lara turned and breezed off the bridge, heading for her quarters. Neyo followed quickly, knowing he was about to get dressed down by the General, after all the bravado he’d been fronting.

As soon as the door closed to her stateroom, Neyo saw Lara turn to stand behind her desk and face him. “I don’t really have to say anything; I know you’re wishing you could find a rock to crawl under at this point. You better hope there’s good intel on that disc we pirated.” Lara folded her arms over her armored chest and gave him a piercing look. “You and your guys need to go over that stuff and see what we can glean for our benefit.”

Neyo stood waiting for real chastisement to come from the General, and when she finished talking, his eyes kind of flickered in realization - she wasn’t going to rebuke him. Instead she was watching him with a curious expression of understanding and patience that was totally unexpected. Neyo’s mouth opened in his surprise, and for a moment he forgot how to speak. “General, I am… sorry for this whole affair. I cleared that intel and verified it to the Jedi - it’s my fault we are here.” He stopped talking, staring at the desk top.

Lara didn’t speak for a long time; rather she watched Neyo as he worked to salvage the shreds of his pride. She didn’t want to watch the man struggle, so she decided to throw him a bone. “Honestly, Commander, I liked you better when you were an asshole.” His eyes snapped up to her face at hearing her. “You screwed up. It happens. Nobody died, and we got to incinerate some droids. As far as the Dragon Company is concerned, it was a good day at the range. Now, you best scuttle off and go over that intel with a fine toothed comb.”

Neyo stood tall, realizing she had basically wiped the slate clean for him, and given him an invite to continue on as they had been before. He studied her with a look of appraisal and newfound respect. The clone commander snapped a perfect salute and turned to head for her door. Before he could leave he heard her voice. “Oh and Neyozle. It’ll be our little secret.”

“What secret, General?,” he asked, completely confused.

“That under that whole shell of tough guy, cute animal torturing, cold as a frozen dead fish exterior - there’s an actual honest to god soul.” She gave him a little devilish grin. “Fives and I had a bet going. Granted, it’s a small soul. A shriveled little thing, but it’s there.”

Neyo’s eyes narrowed but internally he laughed ruefully. “I’ll send you the bill for my next shipment of tookas, General. And I hate fish.” He turned to leave and called out, “I’ll update you as soon as I have a report on the decrypted intel.” He didn’t see the small amused smile on Lara’s face as the door shut behind him. She knew she’d won the man over, though he’d probably never admit it openly.

The pirated CIS intel contained some highly valuable information, thankfully. It did prove Neyo and his spies correct - Grievous had been using the random, isolated facility as a base for some Outer Rim activities. He’d last been there a couple of weeks before their raid. The biggest find though, was the information it contained concerning other hidden CIS bases, their armament, and which leader frequented them. Neyo was vindicated, quite by luck and Lara’s quick thinking to steal information from the computers in the building, and the mission was deemed a success. The flight back to Coruscant was relaxed and triumphant, and Neyo was privy to watching the rather secretive Dragon Company’s downtime routines on their ship.

It was really quite vanilla - they trained, they played a game called basketball which the General had taught them, and also lounged around listening to the music which was always playing over head. Neyo had seen the General play a few games of ball with her men, her easy laughter and camaraderie readily apparent with her troops. She was sassy, laid back, approachable, knew every single clone by face and name. She was a leader that men loved to serve and would fight for with their very lives. She saw Neyo standing by the basketball court at one point and turned, chunking the ball at him unexpectedly. He flubbed catching it, suddenly thrust into the spotlight.

“Come on Neon, catch the ball!” She was wearing the biggest smile, and had her hands up ready to catch the ball. She expected him to throw it back to her.

“That is not my name, General,” he said in a slightly bored tone.

“And yet you answered. Hmm. How about Neil? Neidermyer? Noodles? Ney ney? Come on, I like Ney Ney.” She kept floating silly names while Neyo shook his head, his expression getting more and more stony. But beneath that painful frown, Lara could see his eyes were lit with internal mirth - it was all he could do to keep the angry look up. Lara sighed. “Fine. Neyo…Nono.” She’d seen his posture relax the tiniest fraction and then stiffen back up at the second half. The men around her were all snickering with laughter at the General bugging the Commander; she had no compunction whatsoever to behave. “You disappoint me Commander. I thought we could be friends and I could have some really cool nickname just for you. Ah well, guess it just goes to show beauty and fame can’t buy everything.” She gave him a grin and turned to get back to the game.

Neyo kept watching, trying to understand the rules, but also just admiring the General’s athleticism and bubbly nature. She talked a lot of smack to her troopers, handling the ball well on the dribble and driving to the basket to score frequently. She wasn’t afraid to slam herself into their bodies to physically move them out of the way, and they gave it right back to her. At one point a player blocked her so hard she ended up on her butt on the floor, laughing ruefully and rubbing her sore cheek. “Nice hit Falco. Gonna pay for that though!” The game went on with varying results; Lara’s team came up one point short and the winners made a lot of noise about their loss. The men enjoyed rubbing it in her face, watching her smile sheepishly and make big promises about how the next game would go.

A command staff lieutenant ran up to ask Lara to report to the bridge. He turned to Neyo and said, “the message was for you as well, Commander.”

Lara passed the ball off to the clones so they could continue playing and turned to walk with Neyo to the bridge. As they got in the elevator, Lara took a sideways glance at the stiff clone beside her. “You dating anybody, Commander?” Her open frankness always caught him off guard.

Neyo stared straight ahead and didn’t speak for a moment. “No one in particular,” he grumbled. “You applying for the role?”

“You mean you can’t find someone with that bubbly personality of yours? I’m so shocked.” Lara huffed out a laugh.

“They don’t like all the body parts in jars in my foot locker. No one understands the value of being able to go back and study things in detail, at leisure.” He said it so smoothly Lara’s eyebrows shot up and she stood regarding him with her mouth open for a moment. He heard her close her teeth with a snap and snort a little.

“I can imagine eau de death isn’t a fragrance most girls want to smell.”

“Do I smell like death, General?,” Neyo asked her with an arched eyebrow.

“I’ll give you that much, Neeman - you don’t smell half bad. Should I feel honored that you washed up for me?” Lara smirked at him playfully.

“It’s Neyo… and I wouldn’t dare put you in a position of having to choose between myself and your Captain.” His voice smoothly purred that last out.

There was silence for a moment. “If you recall, I already told you there’d never be a choice in your favor. Remember - cattle prod, artificial insemination… I like you Neyo (yes I do know your name but since it annoys you so much, I’ll probably keep finding ways to change it). But you aren’t Rex. And, while I generally never have to resort to threats, I will say that if you try to throw Rex under the proverbial sky bus because of my relationship with him, I may be inclined to use that cattle prod sooner than the end of the world, and in ways you’d find surprising.” She shot him a hard glance with her glowing blue eyes and he stared back stonily.

“What if I enjoyed the cattle prod?” He watched her with a very flat look.

“I’m not above stuffing you in a footlocker and hiding you on a lonely planet, either. You can tell whomever you like there, as long and as loudly as you like. Besides, I know I’ve already won you over to my side.” She gave him a small conspiratorial wink as the elevator finally reached the level of the bridge and the door shot open. The pair walked forward to the holo table, behind which stood Admiral Shepherd, Fives and Primer. General Kenobi was present via holo, waiting for them to arrive so he could relay his message.

“Ah we are all here now. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to attend, General,” Kenobi said dryly.

“But of course, Obi Wan. I was teaching Marshal Commander NoNo the finer points of the use of a cattle prod on Earth. It was a riveting discussion.” Lara leaned her weight back on one foot and folded her arms over her chest, an incorrigible smirk on her face. Neyo looked at her like he’d never seen such a creature before, while Kenobi worked to decide if she was serious. He finally decided to just carry on with the reason for his communication.

“We have been able to verify the intel given us from your data piracy, and we are moving forward with plans for sending officers to those systems to see if the CIS leaders can be captured. The Jedi Council is thankful for the assistance of Dragon Company in this matter, and to you Commander Neyo, for your work in getting us there in the first place. When you return to Coruscant, you will be given new orders for your Reconnaissance Corps. Any questions?,” Kenobi asked, looking at the attendees around the table. Most of the heads shook in the negative; they understood and had nothing further to add. “Very well. We will see you when you return to Coruscant. Thank you again, General Lin.”

Lara smiled and gave him a lazy half salute with two fingers. Looking up to address the group around her, Lara said breathily, “Whelp, looks like that was the official kudos and blessing to be off the hook Commander. Attaboy, Noodles,” she said with a dramatic clap. Fives and Primer both grinned at her insistence on screwing with Neyo’s mind. Lara knocked her knuckles on the table a couple of times and then stood to leave. She was heading back down to the basketball game if they no longer needed her.

During their two day flight back to Coruscant, Neyo found small excuses to hang out in the vicinity of the General. If he was honest with himself, it was because he found her entertaining, and enjoyed the little battle of wits between them. The man was far from personable; after leaving Kamino with his birth squad he’d become frightfully solitary and taciturn. Few wanted to put up with his surly, isolated ways. He was friends with Commander Bacara, who was a similarly lonely shark, but in all honesty, Neyo stayed aloof among clones, dated when he felt the need to pick someone up for a one night stand and otherwise moved from mission to mission. He found General Lin a breath of fresh air that made him … feel… inside. Not so much attracted to her - he just found her a comforting presence, perhaps even someone he liked. It was a novel feeling for him. Regardless, she’d proven he didn’t intimidate her in the least, and that she found his gruff nature something of a challenge to conquer. Neyo had developed respect for her indomitable spirit, her battle skills and leadership acumen, and secretly he felt Rex was a truly lucky man to have won the love of this General.

As the Talon pulled back into port on Coruscant, he joined General Lin on the bridge of the ship. Admiral Shepherd was busy with the tasks of bringing such a large vessel into her berth, so Lara had the area by the windscreen by herself. She was watching the high rises and sky scrapers of the metropolis rise before her, as the Venator sank lower to the ground. Lara glanced over at her company briefly, and back out the windscreen. Neyo had become something of a skulking shadow the last couple of days, and while she didn’t mind, others had watched in amusement to near concern; Lara was notorious among the GAR and the Jedi for her antics, and none of the Dragons wanted to see her get into trouble. Outside the ship, standing on the pier, Lara recognized the familiar shape of a clone in white armor with blue accents, with a blue pauldron over the left shoulder. Neyo snuck a glance to see her wearing a little private smile on her beautiful face, her eyes shining happily at the sight.

Lara suddenly took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. “Well, Commander, it’s been a ride. I hope you enjoyed your time with the Dragon Company.” She shot him a little sideways look and grin.

“I have never been more miserable in my entire, short life. You and your Company are the biggest bunch of renegade, order refusing, nigh unprofessional soldiers I’ve ever traveled with. It’s no wonder you have the reputation you do within the GAR.” He stared back at her flatly, watching her reaction. Lara had blinked and drawn herself up, her expression one of slight befuddlement.

“Really, it was all that? Well then…” Lara pursed her lips and nodded a little to herself.

“Actually General, I would say this is the most interesting mission I’ve been on in a long time. The level of teamwork and respect between you and your men is unequaled in any of the other Companies I’ve served with. Your men love you and would follow you into any battle.” He paused and then said a bit hesitantly, “And I think I see why, now.”

She’d perked up quite a lot at his sudden change of tone. “Oh, Commander? Why is that, pray tell? Wait, wait, don’t tell me - it’s because I’m so beautiful and fantastic and irresistible that even you cannot resist my charms, isn’t it?” She delivered it with a giggle and a teasing tone.

Neyo’s ruggedly handsome face split into a smile - quite shocking for him. Lara wondered if his cheeks hurt from the stretch, and his teeth ached from the exposure to sunlight. She was shocked that they weren’t filed into sharp points. He didn’t answer immediately, trying to formulate the best reply. “I’d say it was more the lack of fear and loathing you showed me. I think most people really do think I torture small animals for entertainment, and survive off blood straight from the source. But you - you treated me like a man, no better or worse than yourself. And you didn’t let my manner insult you nor hurt your feelings. I’m not sure I’ve come up against a Jedi General of your … personality, before, and I’m impressed. If we ever get forced into another mission together, it won’t be the worst thing I’ve had happen.”

Lara accepted his words for the high praise it was, coming from this particular clone. “Wow Neyo, that was… Do I need to call someone to come check you out? You having any chest pain after all those feelings? Head spinning? I’m not gonna give you mouth to mouth but I’m totally down for foot applied CPR.” Her smile lit the room, as she laughed.

Neyo grinned back at her and put his hand over his chest. “You know General, the fact that you believe there’s even a heart to show concern over it more than most would believe. But no, all is well, I’m not having a seizure, and this was no hallucination. I will live another day to put the fear of the devil into someone.” The clone watched as General Lin turned to leave the bridge; the Talon had finally docked and taken on the mooring lines. She wanted to get to the pier to see her shore party. As she moved away, Neyo called out, “Don’t give away my secret though, General!”

He heard her laugh, and Lara turned back to face him as she kept walking backwards. “Oh don’t worry Needles. No one would believe me if I tried to tell them you have a soul in there. Your secret is safe with me. Catch you on the flip side, Commander!” She disappeared into the lift and the last Neyo saw of her was her slim form breezing down the ship’s ramp to greet Captain Rex. Her secret was safe with Neyo, as well.

[dotterelly]

A bit of a ramble around my current state of mind. Nothing negative, but I know not everyone wants to read a long post of my thought processes so I'm gonna stick it under a read more.

I've been here before. Admittedly this time I kind of speed ran the experience because I joined the fandom so late, but still. I've been here before where a fandom experienced a series of tough times followed by fundamental change, and it caused a lot of people to move on.

I am not convinced this is the end for the qsmp. There are still ways for them to continue. But for a lot of original fans, this may be the point where they drop out and move on. So things will change, a lot. And change is scary and upsetting.

For all those who are struggling with the current state of things, particularly those for whom qsmp has been a hyperfixation, it's going to be ok! I'm not going to tell you not to grieve for what has been lost, or for what might have been. I just want you to remember at the same time that it is going to be ok in the end. You will live and you will grow, and all the things you've experienced in this fandom will help nurture the things you go on to do next. You will find that you do not have to let go of everything, and there will still be things coming in the future that ignite the same fire in you as this did. So hold onto the things you have gained, and let yourself be sad for the things you have lost, and through all that keep moving forwards.

Personally, I will probably continue to track what's going on with qsmp, but what originally brought me here was my intention to start following Philza, and that intention has not changed. I was looking for a good comfort streamer to help ground me during the more difficult mental health moments and for something I could have on as background noise while I wrote, and Philza's hardcore streams are perfect for that. The qsmp was just a bonus for me. But I will still try to keep in touch with people here. I love the big multicultural community, and the people I've talked to directly are great, and I truly hope we can be friends going forwards. And so long as there continues to be art and fanfic I will probably still indulge in it and reblog it.

Much love to all of you! <3