#it's giving rich lil gang lord

[maximura]

[moriartyluver]

Charlie and ginger bsf (okay hear me out what if we name him Gabriel but everyone pronounces it in a silky french way) (that made zero sense) would have many ‘friends’ who are really just mfs who want to be their friends because Charlie’s and Ginger’s status but there are these two boys that Charlie tolerates (he loves them but he thinks they are really stupid)

one of them is really spoiled, is high 24/7, smokes behind the school, drinks, a lil bit of the stereotypical attention seeking rich kid who’s parents are always on business trips, would not mind committing a murder for his friends

and the other one is kinda like John and is constantly worrying for his friends safety, way too nice to mfs that don’t deserve it, his parents are cheating on each other and fight a lot, he thinks his friends can be a lil self centered sometimes but he cares for them a lot, would not commit a murder for them but would help hide the body🙏🏻

Imagine them just hanging like their own little gang/group/organisation similar to the Lord of crime and they do vigilante shit but it’s funny bc Charlie just comes home covered in some random bullies blood and his mother can’t even say anything because she literally is considered a serial killer so she just gets him cleaned up and gives him advice on how to hide the body next time 💀

Imagine him and his friends having secret flowerings in their house and Lottie busts in to do her daily-brother-annoying routine but sees he’s planning something and she’s just like “btw louis made dinner. I can ask him to bring it up for you” 💀

[phoenixyfriend]

Fake Sith TCW Trio

I have another fucked up time-travel AU! Who’s surprised? (Nobody.)

So like. Have you guys read that one fic where Luke and his students go back in time and pretend to be Sith Lords and are super hammy about it? (Sith Lord Swell by AMournfulHowlInTheNight)

This AU has contributions by @atagotiak, @the-lunar-system, @purronronner, @gelpenss, @creepingthroughthistidalwave, and @thisarenotarealblog.

I want TCW trio (plus Rex and Cody) to go back to several years pre-TPM and, since the Council DEFINITELY won't believe them about the Sith being back... they'll force the issue.

Anakin is weirdly excited about things and building up their backstory.

Anakin: Okay so I can definitely be a Maul type, with the unhinged ranting and manic laughter, Obi-Wan can be the whole Refined Rich Guy type like Dooku, where you can't even tell he's evil until he starts talking about getting out the eyeball scoops, maybe toss in a bit of mad science stuff? Ahsoka could play up like Ventress OR, oh oh, she can be the Light Side Child we need to PROTECT who's publicly begging us to return to the Light after our big dramatic Falls where we murdered like eighty people to save her, and-- Obi-Wan: Why are you never this enthusiastic about actual undercover missions. Ahsoka: Did you just have all this ready to go, or...? Anakin: WE COULD GET YELLOW CONTACT LENSES FOR ME.

Obi-Wan: How's my evil laugh?

Anakin going “Okay.. so if any of us need to murder someone to sell the bit it should be me, I think I could handle it the best. Why? No reason.”

Obi-Wan: I'm not sure a complete Fall could come from protecting Ahsoka, really-- Anakin: No, no, it could.

Obi-Wan: Surely you’d hold back because you realize neither of us want that for you. Anakin: Uh. Sure. Definitely.

Obi-Wan points out that none of them can channel the dark side to Prove they're Sith and Anakin just goes "Okay, give me like two seconds to stew in my negativity and--right, you can stop staring in horror, please."

Anakin rambles on that they can TOTALLY make the galaxy a better place while playing at being Sith! He's got a whole LIST of slave empires to "take over" and disassemble!

Anakin has a whole excited spiel about how EVIL soldiers and assistants are minions, in this case partly because Cody and Rex are too good at what they do to be mooks. Cody could pull off evil minion very well. Facial scar? Looks good in black? Quietly competent and sarcastic?

He also pushes for Obi-Wan to lounge in a fancy throne with a glass of wine while Anakin stalks the shadows and Ahsoka hangs out on the window ledge. The disaster lineage is dramatic, okay, Anakin’s just leaning into it, he’d appreciate it if everyone stopped looking at him like that.

Qui-Gon, surprisingly, ends up a skeptic about all of this. Everyone is freaking out about the Sith and he’s like “y’know I’m not even sure they’re darksiders.”

Some Jedi, possibly Qui-Gon for his conspiracy board, gets in a real risky situation and one of the Fake Sith saves them, but also panics and kinda drops character for a bit.

Jedi: You saved me! Why’d you do that? Anakin: I uh... just wanted the pleasure of killing you myself?

"You saved me. Why?" "Mmmm. Jedi." [walks away]

Qui-Gon: [trying to figure out what is up with these people semi-competently (from his perspective) pretending to be Sith] Dooku: [trying to protect Qui-Gon from Sith influence]

The gang is the most successful at pretending to be Sith to Dooku. Sure, they’re not gonna punish him for something he hasn’t done, but it’s not hard to act menacing and angry around him.

(They really do have so much fun irritating the heck out of Dooku. He hasn’t Fallen yet, but they want to keep an eye out.)

At some point, future Obi-Wan definitely drops that little tidbit of "What, you didn't think the Banites were the only Sith running around did you? You... didn't even know about the Banites. How... disappointing."

They REGULARLY use Ahsoka as an excuse to be marginally less terrible. They claim that if Ahsoka pouts, they stop. ‘Soka also uses them as an excuse for why she’s a lil feral. (To be fair, that one is accurate. She was already a lil feral before but it’s not like they did anything to stop it.) Ahsoka gets her "breaking into people's offices" jollies by bugging Nute Gunray's office.

The Jedi keep trying to Rescue Ahsoka.

Rex and Cody end up in real beskar, there's a whole Thing with Mandalore and Jango and Satine.

Obi-Wan is CONSISTENTLY worried about Anakin Falling for real, which... hey, at least he knows to be worried about Anakin Falling. Step up from canon, really.

Anakin is WAY too into killing the Hutts but like. It does... technically sell the bit.

Obi-Wan: Sure, I’m not sad that they’re dead, especially because we’re not connected to the Republic, so we don’t need to worry about starting a war and all that. But. Anakin is disturbingly cheerful about this. Rex: Wasn't he a Hutt slave? Obi-Wan: Well yes, but-- Rex: I'd kill Nala Se if I could get away with it.

Cody and Rex are very supportive of Anakin's murderous intentions.

Obi-Wan does understand anger, even killing someone in anger. Like Maul (the first time at least) and D’nar and a few others. All the same, like... y’know. The level of bloodthirst from the others is a little off-putting.

At one point, Anakin accidentally addresses young Obi-Wan by name, despite never having met before, and to cover it up, he... panic-flirts. He panics, and so he flirts, with young Obi-Wan.

(He will later blame this on old Obi-Wan, because he had to pick up the habit of flirting with the enemy from somewhere.)

Anakin vaguely implies that he's a wee bit obsessed with young Obi, and that the padawan should "get used to being the target of a dark-sider's interests," because he’s scrambling for Ominous Shit and, well, future Obi-Wan was pretty frequently a fixation point for darksiders, right?

The second he gets out, he just starts screaming into a bucket while Rex pats him on the back.

For the next however many terrible months, possibly years, he has to keep up the act while having an ongoing meltdown about how That's My Dad As A Twenty-Something.

(It doesn't help that young Obi-Wan reflexively flirted back.)

Old Obi-Wan, meanwhile, is just very "you dug this hole yourself, padawan."

There is an argument at the beginning about Obi-Wan’s outfit. If he’s gonna be a Sith, he can’t just go around in beige, but he’s like “I like this and it’s comfy.” Sure, he’s changed clothes for undercover stuff, but that’s always been temporary, y’know? He likes his beige.

We have a number of options.

My first instinct? Beige linen three piece suit, like a southern lawyer. "Now I may just be a simple Outer Rim force adept--"

And, of course, you can TOTALLY make the beige sinister: he’s impersonating a Jedi! Jedi impersonation would also explain why nobody has a red saber.

“Sure is good that the Jedi don’t seem to realize most of the galaxy doesn’t know red sabers are different and bad.” “Shhhh, stop poking holes in our story where a Jedi might overhear.”

Like.... if you do enough doublethink, it works! How would a Sith hide? In plain sight. Also, it’s a GREAT way (if they were actually assholes) to try to slander the Jedi name.

(Anakin and Ahsoka still think he could stand to put a little more effort in. Add a splash of color, for pity's sake!)

Though tbh part of me is like “What if Old Obi wore, like... a split skirt suit...” Victorian womenswear inspired because he misses his robes, but he has to look Professional, and like he's MOCKING Jedi instead of BEING one, so he wears a vintage-y split skirt thing over his leggings. Ends up looking a lot like what Ventress had for a while, but Beige. I also keep wanting to put him regency menswear.

Anyway. Obi-Wan’s wardrobe aside...

Anakin builds up his Tatoo accent again. It helps him with the (mostly true) "slavery helped me fall" backstory.

Either Cody or Rex offhandedly mentions being made to serve them (the Fake Sith) and now the Jedi are somewhat concerned about brainwashing. Are these Mandos the victims here?

“No like. Literally made for this. In a lab.” This is even more horrifying. So...

On the one hand good! The Jedi should be scared about Sith! On the other hand... it makes the Jedi more determined to stop them, specifically. They keep on getting in the way, just, all the time, and they’re not investigating the actual Sith problem, which is decidedly not great since the Team doesn’t actually know who’s a real Sith right now, except Maul, and who even knows where that guy is.

Obi-Wan, at some point: Do you think we've succeeded at this ruse... a little TOO well? Anakin: I don't follow. Obi-Wan, gesturing at the truly obnoxious amount of wealth they've collected, including "trophies" of their kills: Really? Because I'm a little worried! Anakin, planning out a battle to take on Nar Shadda: ...I'm not.

"How many people do we realistically we need to take over Hutt Space? Apparently... five."

(Mostly because Anakin is ridiculously op.)

ANAKIN AND YOUNG OBI GET KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES TOGETHER. It's tradition.

Anakin: Okay, so, I need to get really angry about something to pass as a Sith... time to think about my WIFE and how I'll NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

Since Anakin’s life never goes as planned... this does not work. Instead of getting properly angry, he makes himself sad. There are tears. There is wailing. There’s a distraught rant or two. Young Obi ends up awkwardly trying to comfort him.

“Oh no, this… Sith?? Is crying on me. What do I do???”

Later on, when the Council wants intel: "So... one of the Sith cried on me about his wife. I think she's dead? He wasn't very clear about it but it, uh... it sounded like it might have contributed to his Fall. Also the relationship was a little unhealthy? He basically worshiped the ground she walked on and kept ranting about how he would have given her the galaxy on a platinum platter of she'd only asked, but that might be new and inspired by the Dark."

One of the random Jedi is REALLY good at detecting the truth Through The Force, and asks Anakin how he Fell...

Anakin just. Tells the Tuskens story.

They don't get pinged as lying, but oh boy does old Obi have a LOT of questions for Anakin once they're in private.

There are other things happening to help sell the ruse. Some of them are necessary! Some of them are... not.

Obi-Wan: What's the best way to show we're rich and kind of evil, but like... classy about it? Anakin, immediately: I sit on the floor next to the throne, leaning against it, and you call me pet names while stroking my hair, and then when you need something killed I get to do it for you and then I go back to the floor and you thank me for the directed violence, and then you go back to Negotiations with criminals while I’m sitting there covered in blood. Obi-Wan: ...is there something you want to TELL us, or...?

"You're all going to get a glimpse of something normally kept hidden about me." "Anakin, you don't have to do that." "No, I'm gonna."

(Anakin has decided hes going to peel his kink tomato to sell this ruse, and the others are slightly uncomfortable with that.)

Anakin: Okay, I cannot keep flirting with you. Young Obi: Wait, what? But that's the best part of any time we run into you! Anakin: You look WAY too much like my Master did when I met him. Obi: O...kay? If someone looked like my master when HE was young, I'd-- Anakin: My Sith Master half-raised me. He's basically my dad. Obi: ... Anakin: What's that look for? Obi: I mean, you spend a lot of time lounging at his feet, and, like, given how much you hate slavery, I... kind of assumed it was a kink thing? Anakin, brightly: Oh no, I just have a LOT of trauma. And neuroses. Snips says they’re neuroses.

Young Obi is a little upset because he was actually getting REALLY into Flirting With The Enemy and was hoping it would go somewhere. He mopes to Qui-Gon about it. Qui-Gon isn't sure whether to be proud about Obi breaking rules, or worried over Obi-Wan falling for a Fake Sith.

(As Tia put it: "You enjoy making young Obi-Wan have a completely unrequited crush on Anakin, don’t you?")

Fortunately, one of those attractive Young Mando boys very kindly helped him tape up his ribs this one time, and has thus caught his eye...

I feel like having Cody date Young Obi would court an entirely different kind of (internet) drama because clone ages, but whatever.

Also please imagine an element of "so I'm dating the genetic identical of my boss... who's dating the man I'm a genetic identical of..."

(It's probably not actually Jangobi but man would that be funny and also stupid.)

Somehow Young Obi figures out that the "Sith Master" is a future him before he realizes that they're not actually dark. In his defense, Anakin was pretty convincing. Especially with the wife rant. It makes HIM more obsessed with Anakin, in a reversal of the implied earlier dynamic, which is all kinds of weird. Less romantic but like. Still weird.

"Future Me Scares Me" with Extra stupid. "Future Me Annoys Me." "Future Me acts like grandmaster Dooku, but more sass." "Future Me raised a really hot evil guy that refuses to bang Present Me." "Future Me might be a Sith, but I'm getting more and more convinced he's just fucking with us all." "Future Me is really rocking that beard, and I can't BELIEVE we figured out a way around the babyface."

"I’m kinda concerned about the whole evil thing, but I’m also glad that I know I’ll stay hot as I get older."

Quinlan approves of the priorities.

Also a lot of interactions with older Obi are very Anakin: [does/says something deeply unhinged] Obi-Wan: So, do you want to…. Talk about that? Maybe? Anakin: What’s there to talk about?? I’m fine, everything’s fine! Anyways how about those plans for tracking down Maul?

Anakin later, like way after the ruse is lifted, just blankly tells everyone that he did Fall, once, and Older Obi made him get therapy about it after the truth came out between the two of them a few months into the Fake Sith thing.

Where'd they find a therapist? I'm sure there's one SOMEWHERE around. Denon and Herdessa are close enough, and they've done enough "your criminal empire now belongs to me" that they can pay well. They make sure to find one that takes confidentiality real seriously.

It's all very "we need some more time to unpack all that."

Therapy helps get Anakin to figure out Sheev’s whole deal. They don't necessarily figure out he’s a Sith from it, but they figure out he’s sketchy and they need to look into that more. Obi-Wan probably already thought he was sketchy, but the whole active gaslighting campaign was a little surprising. They realize that he kinda benefited a lot from a lot of Sith plots and they still probably don’t think he’s a Sith but Obi-Wan is definitely starting to think he’s working with one.

"Okay, we're already bugging Gunray, should we bug Palpatine just to be safe?"

They get away with a lot of slicing because Anakin is a technical genius from twenty years in the future.

The reasons they're so good at Taking Over Hutt Space: 1. They know parts of the future. 2. They have superpowers and FAR less reason to not use them, now that their actions aren't going to reflect on the Republic. 3. They have Cody and Rex, who are two of the greatest military minds in the galaxy, and know EXACTLY how to wage a war that covers a solid third of the galaxy, starting from a position of relative weakness. 4. Anakin's charisma is scary high, and his knowledge of slave culture means they gain a lot of trust from the people they free, and they just... keep acquiring volunteers for the army they didn't plan to have. Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do. He thinks they might have started a cult?

In his defense, Dooku sort of started a cult, and Komari got kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed into joining it properly, and then took it over as head figure of said cult. It's practically tradition!

Comics Vader is the central figure of like three different cults, it was really just inevitable.

Anakin: Aw, don't worry master, it's not a cult, it's a revolution! Ahsoka: They're worshiping him, though. Anakin: ...it's still a revolution! Just... with some misunderstandings.

Also, if they got wind of people trying to keep people from being able to leave and other culty stuff like that, they’d probably put a stop to it pretty damn quick.

Names! Time for names. As per usual, it's easiest to keep track of Obi-Wan's alternate Older Self by just calling him Ben.

Darth Ben.

Ahsoka: You should be Darth Boring. Obi-Wan: I can still make you run laps, you know.

Anakin: The Force is telling me to call myself Darth Vader. Obi-Wan: ...why? Anakin: I dunno, but it sounds cool, I'll run with it.

Someone: Ben has all the answers; we shouldn’t question him, ever. Ben: One time I lost a planet, and a five-year-old found it for me.

More options: Going with the "evil word with the prefix 'in' chopped off" that we get with Sidious and Vader: Darth Surrectus (as in insurrection) Just random Latin words: Darth Temporus (time) Darth Commenticius (fake)

Anyway, back to Nonsense:

Maul goes after young Obi early, because the Fake Sith are really invested in this one random Padawan (Sidious is saying he might be a cousin of the false Sith Master? They do look similar enough) so someone needs to investigate. Naturally, Anakin shows up with some wild screeching to fight Maul, and when someone questions why he got involved it gets very "Kenobi is MINE!" and like. Okay. So.

Anakin means it in a very Sith "to toy with" and "to torture" way, or the ‘my chosen opponent!’ way, just the same kind of Obsession as Maul had with Obi-Wan in the original timeline. Unfortunately, Anakin’s a weird-ass person who flirts with Young Obi against his own better judgement, so there's some awkward "Like... your boyfriend?" from young Obi. Anakin just screeches in SOME emotion that nobody wants to interpret, and couldn't even if they wanted to, and starts whacking away at Maul again.

(Anakin hasn't explained the "you look exactly like my dad, sorry, it's just too weird" thing yet, and he is HAVING MANY REGRETS.)

There's definitely at least one instance where a person asks Anakin if he's planning on dating That One Jedi Twink, or at least banging out the tension. At that point in time, Anakin doesn't actually know who the fuck they're talking about, because "Obi-Wan + Twink = Does Not Compute" for dear, dense Ani, and instead he just ends up ranting about how he is LOYAL TO THE MEMORY OF HIS LATE WIFE, how DARE anyone so much as INSINUATE that he would TARNISH HER PERFECT MEMORY and UNWAVERING KINDNESS and WHOLESOME BEING, and the person who asked doesn't end up lightsabered but they do end up with a LOT to tell whoever they're reporting to.

Young Obi-Wan definitely hears Anakin mutter the phrase “something to discuss with my therapist later” a few times, and he’s a little bewildered because darksiders definitely don’t seem like the type of people to go to therapy. They’re the type of people to need therapy, sure, but not the type to go to therapy.

I think it would be very fun for Young Obi to continue sighing over Anakin (who's pretending to be fine with it and even flirting back because he's in too deep to stop and hasn't worked up the courage to explain the elephant in the room) while Anakin is covered in grease and infodumping while having a slightly manic hyperfocus on engine repairs while the two of them Somehow got stranded together in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (it's Plagueis's doing, he finds the interactions between THESE two in particular to be the most informative regarding the fake Sith).

Anakin, at some point while stranded with young Obi-Wan, and having actually started unpacking some stuff in therapy, though he’s def still got a ways to go: I’m pretty sure Ben cares about me. He acts like he cares, like he’ll do stuff like put extra blankets in my quarters in the spaceship because I get cold real easily or track down those droid parts I need for a project and he always has my back in a fight but y’know it’d be nice to hear him say he loves me once in a while. Especially because we kinda had a rough start and idk I don’t think he wanted me around at first.

And uh. Obi-Wan definitely relates to that a bit too much, y’know?

I want to say that Young Obi ends up mentioning All That to one of the clones or Ahsoka later, because they seem probably invested in Anakin's well-being, even if Ben is, well, a Sith, so Obi-Wan's a little worried the man's affection really is fake, but at least Ahsoka...

(Ironic, given what Anakin's actual eventual Sith would-be-Master was like.)

Young Obi mentions Anakin’s most recent rant to Ahsoka, and she just goes "Wait, is that why Skyguy likes to sit by the throne and get called pet names?" "Uh... I don't... know... but it sounds like all of you have a LOT to unpack there, Miss Apprentice."

Later on: "Master Kenobi, you need to tell Skyguy you love him 'cause apparently he's been having a lot of emotions about you not telling him you care and he's been talking to mini-you about it whenever they get stuck together and--"

Young Obi-Wan is just constantly the "Now we don't have time to unpack all of that" John Mulaney gif. Anakin in particular is a mess, and young Obi-Wan slowly goes from "I want to date that" to "I want to study that" about him.

Obi-Wan gets stuck somewhere with Ben, tries to small talk, gets on the topic of Vader, and spills the drama. He gets an awkward “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

It’s followed by a fairly frustrated “I try, but Anakin refuses to communicate his needs to me, and it feels like I’m always falling short.”

At least one member of the group is in therapy, probably all of them, but they’re still using young Obi as a sounding board for all this stuff. On the bright side, this is probably good for impressing the importance of good communication on Obi-Wan.

Good for Obi-Wan! And... whatever Padawan he eventually has.

As for baby Anakin, who is approximately age four, I want to go with "Anakin decides to be his own uncle, and Shmi just rolls with it because fuck it, she’s not a slave anymore, and a Fake Sith is a solid defense against anyone trying to re-enslave them."

[This is a backstory I've had them use before (see here and here).]

Seeing Big Ani and Little Ani in the same space might be what finally pings the "oh shit, that's future me" thing for Obi-Wan... you know, if he’s ever allowed close enough to see Little Ani in the first place.

Little Ani stays with the fake-Sith and is sorta jointly trained by all of them, and young Obi-Wan teaches little 'Soka at the Temple. Ani and 'Soka still end up friends somehow, but it is fairly different.

Every time little Ani addresses Old Obi as "Dad," it's just like ten kinds of awkward. The one time someone tried to explain that Ben wasn't his new dad, Shmi glared them down. She is of the opinion that, all the gods be damned, Ani deserves to refer to the most mature man in his life, who raised another him in another timeline already, as a father.

Ani doesn't NEED a father, Shmi herself is more than enough, but he does deserve to have this if he wants it.

An alternative conclusion to the time travel is uh. So the Mandalorians are genetically identical (give or take a hair gene) and really resemble Jango Fett, though whether anyone notices that is up in the air. Then the three ‘Sith’ (two fake Sith and their morality chain tag-along) have three younger, identical copies show up….

It could be really weird cloning shenanigans. Now, it makes no sense that they’d make clones, and stagger their production like that, and leave them as babies on various planets for Jedi to find. IDK what reasons Obi-Wan would come up with for that, but it’s a fun little detour before he gets to time travel.

There's a really painful moment (for the audience, who know about canon Vader) where someone tries to convince Ahsoka to leave the Sith and she's just like "no way, they'd never hurt me!” Then she clarifies that “someone has to keep them from doing stupid Sith shit whenever they get bored, you know?"

A bunch of Jedi probably think she’s delusional, but the few that have seen her get into trouble that is legitimately too much for her, which isn't often, have then seen Anakin show up like the devil himself to save her, and it's like. Oh. This is why she isn't scared of them hurting her.

We’ve discussed how Anakin does get concerningly in character with the fake Sith thing. However, Anakin and Ahsoka are, just once in a while, surprised by how Ben gets sometimes when playing the bad guy.

After all, he stabbed a dude with a fork and threatened to eat him during his time as Hardeen…

He has the same dramatic streak as all the rest of the lineage. He can be vindictive and creepy and scary as fuck.

HOWEVER:

Obi-Wan: I know I'm supposed to be playing at evil right now, but how do we feel about me making that evil a little... fruity? Ahsoka: Fruity, master? Anakin, who knows where this is going: [buries face in hands] Obi-Wan: You know, the... [limp wrist] Ahsoka: ... Obi-Wan: I mean, I'm already bisexual and well-groomed, I can play it up.

What’s the point of being evil if you can’t be flamboyant?

Anyway, I had to put in a lot of thought for what to do with Rex and Cody, because there's a solid place for them in terms of strategy, but it doesn't do much to give them independent narrative arcs, and 'young Obi-Wan has a crush' isn't much of an arc, you know?

So, basic info first: Cody, Rex, and Anakin all hold the rank of General in this AU because, like... who else is gonna. Ahsoka remains a commander because everyone declares her Baby, and also to keep up the "I'm a morality chain" ruse.

Cody maintains a very stern and unyielding public persona, but the second they're behind closed doors, he's roughhousing with his little brother.

Rex has some fun pretending to be a sadist whenever he and Anakin have to team up, because hamming it up as an evil bastard in front of Jedi is actually really fun... but usually, he's a competent fucking professional.

Because here's the thing: someone has to be.

They both kind of hate the army they've gotten, because these people don't even have proper trigger discipline, let alone any actual discipline.

This army? Tragic. They hate it. Give them the clones.

They have to be drill sergeants for months before they have anything worth sending onto the field.

I think that might be how/when they end up reaching out to Jango. Like, the first inroad is absolutely "we're your clones from the future and you were a Shit Dad so you owe us," but then they actually talk him around into letting the Fake Sith hire him. He brings along all the Mandalorians he can get to answer his calls, and on suggestion from Those Mando Twins, joins the army Ben doesn't even want.

Darth Boring doesn't want an army! Unfortunately, Cody thinks that's stupid as hell, and is overruling Ben so they can actually work on this 'cleaning up the galaxy of slavery' thing with actual resources.

Cody and Rex are super competent, and it shows in their horrified disdain for the state of their troops.

Rex: Fucking natborns. Anyone who isn't in the know: What's a natborn? Rex: [leaves without answering] People: WHAT'S A NATBORN???

(I'm assuming that the word smush is harder to parse in Basic.)

I think young Obi-Wan's new crush on Cody should also be unrequited. Cody's just like... bemused. Very "Okay, then, that sure is an Affection you've decided on."

Cody and Anakin both: Sorry, it’d just be too weird. Obi-Wan: Why would it be too weird? Cody and Anakin: Reasons.

Rex has to deal with the "whyyyyy" from both his brother and his (former?) General.

Young Obi-Wan just likes cute boys that fight good! Is that so wrong???

Ahsoka: So since we're not officially Jedi anymore-- Obi-Wan: We're still Je-- Ahsoka: Can we date? Can I date now? I want to date someone before we go back to the Code. It's a classic life experience for most teenage girls, and I want to Have That Experience before we're back at the Temple. Obi-Wan: You're not... you can date, Ahsoka, that's not actually banned by the Code. I mean, you'd have to keep it casual, but-- Ahsoka: I CAN DATE!!!

(Great priorities, Ahsoka.)

An idea I'm toying with is that one of the clones ends up Legally Engaged to Satine for political reasons, and young Obi-Wan is just like ???? because not only can he not date the hot boys, but one of said hot boys has become Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Young Obi-Wan is suffering, and Quinlan is the worst friend ever because Quinlan is laughing at him.

There is obviously the question of

"How would Satine ever end up agreeing to that, given what their public personas are like and all that? She puts duty ahead of personal feelings but all indications are that it’s a terrible decision both ways." (as stated by Tia)

Which, yes, I forgot to actually say that I was imagining Jango had declared "those twins" his heirs after telling people they were his younger* cousins. Because reasons.

* Jango is about 27 when they land in the past, and I’m going to say the accelerated aging ended after hitting physically twenty because no, I don’t want to deal with that. As far as anyone knows, Cody and Rex are about five years younger than Jango. They’re less than year apart, which isn’t very visible, and most people assume they’re identical twins (except Rex’s hair), and that Cody just looks slightly older because of the scar.

Darth Boring had convinced Satine that the way to keeping Mandalore peaceful was to work with Jango (because Darth Boring, which is not his actual title but it is what Ahsoka insists on calling him in private, has a vested interest in keeping Mandalore and all interested parties calm), and he... maybe accidentally set up a political marriage between her and one of the clones.

It wasn't on purpose! Satine never married in his timeline, okay, he didn't expect her to ever get married here, either! He didn't even suggest it! This just happened!

(I want to say that Cody would be more competent at having a political marriage? But IDK.)

Do I do the Satine thing? It has potential, but also it's a bit of a cop-out. Do I have Cody be a diplomatic representative for their pseudo-Sith empire? He could be, but I think he'd hate it. Do I have Rex date one the Chaos Entities (Anakin or Ahsoka), or is that too repetitive with my other works? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

Part of me wants Quinlan to get a crush on Cody, and the crush gets bigger specifically in response to the fact that Cody refuses to take him seriously and/or just doesn't give him the time of day.

Based on their one interaction in TCW, they probably let get along ok. Cody maybe likes him back, buuuuuuut internally he's just a little "you were tolerable at almost-forty; early twenties you is obnoxious."

Just imagine the absolutely puppyish attempts at gaining approval and Impressing The Hot Mando General. Quinlan keeps having vague daydreams of seducing someone to the side of the Light. He really leans into the bodice ripper fantasies of saving someone evil with the power of love! (And also the power of really good sex.)

Bant looks at Quin and Obi and wants to throw them both into the nearest pond because they're idiots, but on this topic they are the same flavor of idiot. She considers calling up Reeft and Garen to help her knock some sense into them.

Quinlan: Can I volunteer to go undercover to the Sith? The Council: No. Quinlan: ...what if I-- The Council: No.

Tholme tries to get Qui-Gon to commiserate over their Padawans getting obsessed with Hot Sith Boys, but Qui-Gon just finds the whole thing funny. He knows from the chats he has with Ben that Anakin feels so completely, utterly, incredibly awkward about all of this.

(Ben continues to hold to "Anakin brought this on himself.")

(Ben also “kidnaps” Qui-Gon a lot.)

Also, hey, at least Quinlan isn’t actually into hot Sith boys! He’s into hot Sith minions which is... probably a step up. At least Cody’s not a Sith himself!

It's a step in some direction but Tholme has no idea which one.

(Quinlan sees Cody in dress uniform once and just keeps the mental image for Ages. It’s in his dreams. Sometimes said dreams overflow to Tholme via Force Mind Magic and Quinlan wakes up to someone smacking his face with a pillow.)

Arguably, Quin's also a lot more romantic about his crush than Obi-Wan is, in this case. Quinlan: I want to save him... Obi-Wan: Hey, hey, cute boy. Look at me. Let’s bang.

Cody: There are currently two future Jedi generals having some form of absurd romantic fixation in my direction. I don't know how to feel about this. Rex: Bed them. Cody: ...I'm not saying that's not eventually an option, but one of them is the younger Kenobi, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Rex: Pat him on the head like a tooka and then bed his friend, it'll be funny.

I think the Quinlan thing and also general exasperation of leading an absolutely useless army can function pretty solidly as the basis for Cody, but I have another idea for Rex now.

Komari is currently brainwashed in a cult, yes? So.

I keep bouncing around back and forth on what to do with Rex, but part of me suddenly really likes the idea of, after Team Fake Sith finds and dissolves the cult (as one does), and takes Komari into custody (because she's dangerous and deeply unwell), Rex kind of ends up her touchstone to being a decent person. He’s not a morality chain, and it’s not really a redeemed-through-love thing, just This Is A Solid Dude who doesn't pity her or thinks she's irredeemable (however you choose to define such a thing), but actually relates to the kind of conditions living like that can involve, and just kind of...

I don’t know. I think Rex's arc in this AU could be very heavily grounded in something to the effect of "You're not the worst darksider I've met. You're not the only person who was in a cult. You're not even the only former Jedi I know that's committed awful, horrible crimes. My question is just this: What are you going to do moving forward?"

Later Anakin: Wait, who do we know that was in a cult? Rex: What did you think Kamino was?

(Rex isn't as chill as he'd like her to think, but he's trying, and she's fairly reliant on the Force to understand emotions, and is currently in nullifying cuffs, so he can bluff.)

Komari needs someone solid and dependable to rely on for at least conversation, and I think Rex needs to feel needed.

I’m not sure if it’d be romance or friendship, but I think there's a solid basis to work with, potentially.

Per Tia:

One thing about Rex and shipping is like. If you want to do Rexwalker again that's fine, but if you're worried about repetitiveness but still want to like. Ship him in a non-political-convenience way. Rexsoka here actually would be different than your other stuff.

I'm trying to figure out if I can make it work because Ahsoka thematically fits very much into a little sister shaped hole here? She feels younger than in other works, despite not actually being younger than she is in, say, Commander Buir. In those other fics, she has some time alone to function and prove herself independently of Anakin and Obi-Wan.

I usually pluck Ahsoka out at sixteen if I'm pulling her from TCW, so she's got most of her competence but hasn't gotten quite all the trauma yet. Commander Buir, in particular, also has baby-shaped Anakin for contrast.

That said, I can see a decent source of narrative conflict in her wanting to experiment with romance and all that, and Anakin trying to tell her she's too young.

A year into this whole time-travel mess, she wants to give the dating thing a shot, and it spirals into "You were only two years older than me when you got married!"

I think I could build a plot out of Ahsoka wanting to do these things, and Anakin as an audience insert not quite processing that she's old enough to make these decisions. If she's choosing to date Rex, whose age works out as being close to hers when one takes into account Kamino fuckery, and whom she trusts absolutely, it’s arguably extra weird for Anakin to be upset with it.

"Senator Amidala was five years older than you, and you married her when you were nineteen and had only really known her for a week! I can go on a date with a guy we both know is one of the most trustworthy people alive if I want, Skyguy!"

I can definitely see Ahsoka getting annoyed with Anakin being overbearing and controlling at some point before that unrelated to romance, too. It’s not exactly a new fault of his.

My god, just imagine someone snidely asking Anakin "where's your little shadow?" and Anakin, being Himself and also a Fake Sith, has an emotional breakdown about how Ahsoka yelled at him for micromanaging her and not trusting her to make her own decisions in life and so she got herself a multi-month solo mission from Ben that Anakin isn't allowed to know any details about, and--

It's another one of those "oh, you have PROBLEMS problems with your mental health" incidents for the Jedi to add to the file, because Anakin having emotionally charged rants about his issues at seemingly terrible times is how they get a lot of information.

Some of the rants are planned.

Many of them, actually.

They want the Jedi to know these things.

Just, well. Anakin.

He really is a little Like That.

On that note, I'm low-key imagining that Anakin gets put on mood stabilizers by the therapist in this context, and he's doing good! He's handling his issues! He's--been captured with Obi-Wan the Younger again and his medication was confiscated.

Anakin is... not great. He's a little out of practice managing his unmedicated self, and when adding withdrawal symptoms onto that... poor Anakin.

(Poor Obi-Wan.)

I think it would be best if Anakin makes a bunch of ominous blustery comments at their captors about how they won't like what's coming to them if they take his belongings (AKA the fanny pack that has his backup pills), and then Obi-Wan just gets to watch Anakin get more and more erratic, because like. Yes, Anakin is using the Force to compensate, but unfortunately he's mostly cut off, and the stress of the situation is pushing him away from depression and into the beginnings of a manic episode.

Anakin is aware of his issues to the point where he's mostly managing, and he keeps asking Obi-Wan "would it make sense for me to [slightly deranged, very impulsive action]," and Obi-Wan realizes he's being the morality sounding board for the Hot Sith because ??? reasons?????

Eventually, Anakin does flop back in bed and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes, and says he needs his meds back, he's absolutely going to lose it, and Obi-Wan tentatively asks what kind of medication. There are levels to worry about. Mild allergy medication is one thing, but heart medication that needs to be taken every four hours is another, you know? He wants to know how much panic is appropriate.

Anakin lets him know that it's Psychiatric In Nature. Obi-Wan suddenly realizes that he really, really, really doesn't want to know what a properly erratic, unmedicated Anakin is like.

(An unmedicated Anakin really isn't nearly as bad as Obi-Wan fears. Anakin's been dealing with this for a while, and knows what his issues are and some of how to deal with them. He'd need to be running on no sleep and higher levels of stress, or to have been drugged with something meant to increase his aggression, to really lose his shit and do something worthy of Vader. RotS levels of stress and sleep deprivation is required to pull RotS levels of manic paranoid delusion.)

Tia asked:

How long does it take the Jedi in general to catch on to how like. They have opportunities. But these Sith never seem to harm any Jedi. And it’s not just like, the past timeline parts of the disaster lineage. They probably get opportunities to hurt other Jedi. Ones that are less skilled at saber work. And more importantly ones that they don’t seem weirdly interested in."

I'm not sure, really. The Jedi don't spend as much time in the Outer Rim as they could, and that's where the Team operates, so actually running into them by accident is unlikely for anyone other than Shadows.

Fortunately, it's really easy to toy with Shadows with the excuse of "I want to see how long it takes before you Fall with us."

I do want like... okay. Here’s the mental image:

Qui-Gon calls them out on being Fake Sith pretty quickly, so Ben just sort of eyes him, dramatically, and orders out "Leave us" to all non-team people. The threat of torture is implied but not stated. He gestures with wine to keep in character. He definitely makes sure Young Obi-Wan is ushered out, so it's just five time travelers, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Ahsoka's immortal force birb.

"...so, what's the reason for the farce, Obi-Wan?" "How in all the hells did you figure it out so quickly?"

(Qui-Gon cheated a bit. He could feel the broken training bond that was never properly severed due to Traumatic Death Of A Master on Ben's end)

Ben didn't realize he'd feel it! Young Obi-Wan can't feel his older self or a training bond with Anakin or Ahsoka, so why could Qui-Gon?

IDK if there would be anything on the level of crying and hugging it out, but I think it would be very funny if, every time young Obi and Anakin are getting captured by pirates or something, Ben and Qui-Gon are just having a nice afternoon tea and checking their watches to see if their respective walking bundles of neuroses are done with their adventure yet.

The Council is So Done, because Qui-Gon continues to insist that they're Not That Bad, but every time anyone other than Qui-Gon brings up the friendship, Ben laughs and makes a comment about how absolutely gullible Master Jinn is.

Obi-Wan is skeptical of his own experiences with Anakin, at least, if only because he's skeptical about Anakin's everything.

"I don't know if Vader is telling me the truth. I don't know if he's telling himself the truth. I don't think he's a great source of information even when he thinks he's being honest."

Anakin could tell Obi-Wan the full and complete truth, and Obi-Wan would worriedly put a hand to his forehead and start doing tests for hallucinations and paranoid delusions. In his defense, this is a very reasonable assumption to make with an individual like Anakin. It's just also not accurate, this time. I don’t know if Anakin hallucinates in canon without a weird inciting incident like Force Nonsense or getting drugged by the enemy, but paranoid delusion is pretty much all of RotS.

"I’m your time-traveling padawan who’s pretending to be a Sith to catch some other Sith who’re going to start a galactic civil war and those Mandalorians you like are from a clone army based on a template of Jango Fett made to serve the Jedi (because that’s totally something he’d sign up for), and one of the Sith is your grandmaster but he doesn’t seem to have fallen yet, it’s probably fine," is hard to believe.

Honestly, even if he seemed stable before saying that, which he doesn’t, it’s all real far fetched. There's a lot going on and Obi-Wan wouldn't even begin to believe it without evidence.

I've had it in my head that he and Bant and Quinlan have been gossiping about the mess for months if not years about these idiots, and at one point it became common knowledge that Ben was a Kenobi, and Bant convinced them (since the two were among the most likely in the entire Order to encounter the Fake Sith) to get a DNA sample, probably hair or blood since that's easiest so they can figure out HOW these two are related, if they are, and then there's a whole big thing.

Bant: No, no, this must be contaminated, it's coming up as Obi-Wan! Are you sure you didn't accidentally grab some of your own hairs? I know it's a little long for most of your hair, but the braid-- Quinlan: Wait, they keep claiming stuff about cloning, right? Maybe someone's a clone? Check for artificial telomeres! Bant: ...okay, so, there aren't any artificial telomeres, but the ones from apparently-Ben are... a lot shorter... um... I don't know what to do with this. It's like I have two samples from the same person, twenty years apart. Quinlan: Obi-Wan, what's that face? Why are you-- Obi-Wan: Vader told me he was a time-traveler. I thought it was the fever talking, but...

That’s how he finds out that Ben is future-him before finding out about how he’s not evil!

"Master Jinn... I think... I think the Sith controlling the Outer Rim is me from the future." "Oh, you finally figured it out?" "I AM HAVING A CRISIS HERE."

Obi-Wan, after a few hours of dazed realization, runs screaming to Quinlan and Bant like 'GUYS GUYS THIS EXPLAINS WHY VADER KEPT SAYING IT WAS WEIRD AND THAT I LOOK LIKE HIS MASTER AND THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING HIS DAD.'

You know, the important stuff.

I think Qui-Gon tells him that Ben isn't evil because, like, That Sure Is A Crisis Obi-Wan's Having. He could hold off for shits and giggles, sure, but Obi-Wan’s on the edge of something Really Concerning, mentally. Best help calm him down on at least one or two things.

Obi-Wan’s maybe still a little skeptical until he confronts them over it. Because their Sith act was real good and also like. Maybe Qui-Gon just wants to believe the best of his Padawan, y’know?

Quinlan runs into Ben before Obi-Wan does, after this whole mess, and gets to observe as money changes hands and people act like sore winners about bets made for When Does Obi-Wan Figure It Out.

Anakin was saying 'soon' because he really didn't think the fever-fueled rant would be discounted as easily as it was.

Cody was of the opinion that it would take at least a few more years since they're actually pretty damn good at this whole schtick.

Quinlan: Wow, he's... going to be really disappointed that you have such a low opinion of his intelligence. Cody, gesturing at Ben: Experience. Darth Ben: ಠ_ಠ

Cody just rattles off some of the Extremely Stupid Shit that Ben's done in their time working together.

Rex cheerily offers up "You didn't even realize General Skywalker was married, sir! And they weren't subtle!" "I knew they were together, I just didn--" "Everyone knew they were together, sir. Everyone."

(Rex had the lowest opinion of their deductive capabilities. He claims it would have taken until Baby Ahsoka showed up at the Jedi Temple.)

-Once Obi-Wan accepts that they're decent people after all- Obi-Wan: Wow, Anakin, you're real good at acting unhinged! Anakin: Haha. Yeah. Thanks?

[allaboardtheussharringrove]

So @billy-baby mentioned That 70’s Show and Harringrove, and it reminded me of a *whole ass* set of hc’s about a 70’s/Stranger Things AU that has been sitting in my notes for literal years collecting dust, so here it is:

-Billy & Hyde would be besties, probably neighbours in the same shitty neighbourhood

-They headbang to hard rock and metal, jam to 60’s & 70’s rock while drinking TONS of beer and hotboxing the Camaro and El Camino, respectively

-Bands they’d have in common: AC/DC, Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, KISS, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin just to name a couple

-Hyde always gives Billy shit for like, never wearing a shirt, Billy gives Hyde shit for his ever-present sunglasses & sideburns

-They know each other’s parental problems, and take refuge in the Forman’s basement/the empty Harrington house (yes, we’re talkin’ a Hawkins, Indiana/Point Place, Wisconsin mashup here)

-Billy still has a major crush on Steve (Harrington that is, Steven Hyde will only be referred to as Hyde [and that possible name mix-up could cause some hilarity whenever anyone calls out “Steven”, and some embarrassing rumour drama for Billy, Steve, & Hyde (or omg a block party at the Formans where Kitty calls out “William! Steven! Michael!” And she turns around and has Billy, Will, Hyde, Steve, Mike, and Kelso starting at her expectantly)])

-Billy probably also thinks Eric and Kelso are kinda cute, but total dumbasses, they both definitely annoy him

-Fez would have a totally awkward and hilarious crush on Billy, and you just know Billy would flirt with him on purpose just to make him nervous (this might make Steve a lil jealous and annoy him to no end)

-Jackie would have the BIGGEST crush on Steve, after Kelso, and drag him around to go shopping and shit, he would tolerate it but Billy would absolutely hate her as a “bitchy rich entitled snot-nosed brat” cause she would be vocal about him being poor and he’d have to be calmed down by Hyde and Steve all the time

-Billy would give Hyde an unimaginable amount of shit for going out with Jackie, hooo boy!

-Steve would get a kick outta Kelso, but I think he and Eric would be pretty close friends, with Steve always pushing to hang around at the Forman’s cause Eric’s parents are always present, as opposed to his empty house (he adores Kitty Forman for SURE as the mother he never had)

-But the gang would surely hold parties at the Harrington’s....and only sometimes get away with it (both these groups are known for their KEGS! and the 70’s teens would lose their damn minds over Keg Kings Billy & Steve)

-Billy would put the charm on for Kitty sometimes just to see her blush, and Red would get annoyed and just a little threatening saying something like “Like to see how charming you are with my foot up your ass” and Billy being the abused kid that he is automatically takes it a little too seriously- probably flinches, goes a little pale, stutters out a “Yes sir, sorry sir”

-This would make Kitty and Red a bit concerned, pay a visit to the Hargrove household- I wouldn’t be surprised if they experience Neil putting Billy down or catch a glimpse of a smack or something and they would for sure take action with Red intimidating Neil cause you know he could

-Anyway! Girls. Robin and Donna would be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, cause Donna had no other cool girl friend to hang out with and you just KNOW Robin might have an “itsy bitsy” (huge) crush on Donna, cause she’s Hot Donna, also they’re both super into female empowerment (and honestly, when Donna/Eric break up I could see her maybe falling for Robin too)

-Donna and Billy would be buds, she might like him for a hot minute but be cool with him being gay (Out of everyone in the 70’s gang, I think he’d most likely share this with her - cause she’d probably figure it out - even if it’s just to gush about their dumb, brave, pretty brunette boys to each other)

-Max would LOVE Donna, not just because of the hair (but also redhead solidarity is important), but because they’re both badasses and would totally vibe together- Max, Billy, and Donna would be an unexpectedly fun trio (and Billy would complain about having to drive the “GingeTwins” around all the time or something to that effect)

-And Jackie having to babysit Erica (because Donna does it sometimes, but she’s out for the night) would be the best thing ever good lord, Erica would put Jackie in her place, but they’d probably make up some schemes together too

-Also Erica would be absolutely appalled at having a similar name to Eric, she’d probably call him something along the lines of “Supreme Nerd” or “King of the Nerds” and have an endless supply of unimpressed looks for him during their debates of whose name is better

-Eric would totally join Mike, Will, Lucas & Dustin in their nerd exploits (STAR WARS!) And he and Dustin would get into loooong nerd debates

-I think Kelso would join Dustin & Lucas (and maybe the other boys too) in doing mischievous experiments including but not limited to: pyrotechnics, wrist rockets, radios and electronics... He’d begrudgingly listen to the scientific explanations of the boys (which would all fly right over his head) and they would have a moderate success rate, but also have to run away from the trouble they’d get in

-Lucas and Hyde would always be cool, but after finding out about Hyde’s biological dad they could become closer (Hyde’s dad and Lucas would have the best banter)

-Will and Eric would geek out over comics, and I think Eric would be super nice/supportive about seeing Will’s drawings

-Jonathan would be pretty quiet at first, but might talk to Fez since they’re both kinda the odd man out in each group (and he’d be genuinely NICE to Fez, *side eyes 70’s teens*)- then he’d be roped into doing random/stupid/mildly illegal stuff with the gang

-And despite Billy & Hyde being besties, I think Jonathan would bond with Hyde over shitty dads (plus I think Hyde would love Joyce, and she’d be another offer of refuge for him & Billy) and WEED WEED WEED

-Actually that might definitely be a sub-trio: Jonathan, Billy, & Hyde- they’d all have each other’s backs when it came to family drama (and later on when Hyde gets his record store, he’d offer them both jobs and Jonathan would be over the fuckin’ moon and work there)

-Billy would for sure work for Red in his muffler shop, and Red would take him under his wing, probably unwittingly become the father figure Billy never had.

-Nancy, hmmm, well she’s on the richer side of town so her and Jackie might be friends? but she’d for sure get annoyed with Jackie’s shallow bullshit

-OH and Robin would also hate Jackie I think, ‘cause of her entitlement and relentless obsession with boys (poor Jackie, I’m not setting her up for anything great here huh)

-So that’d be why Steve is friends with her, if only ‘cause he feels bad when she alienates herself from the rest of the teens, they (and I hate to say this) *could possibly* date for like 5 minutes, it’d be a REALLY hard time for Billy...and Kelso. And those two would probably come up with some hairbrained scheme to break them up (and succeed, but each get ripped a new one because of it)

-But at least the group of teen girls would be bigger if Donna, Robin, Jackie, and Nancy all hung out together sometimes (and if they tried to have a sleepover or something there would be toooo many idiot boys trying to creep on them, I think Billy would be the voice of reason and tell them they’re all being dickheads)

-And he’d give Fez a fuck ton of shit for being such a voyeuristic creep, probably make him stop hiding in people closets (wait what? Fez is like constantly coming out of closets in that show?! hello?? is that a thing??? Oh ho-ho they’d have a whole talk about that)

-Steve would get a kick outta Fez, probably think he was the funniest dude on the planet, as I’d say they’re the goofballs of the group (and yes, I am mostly excluding the King Steve narrative from this and using only cool mom Steve, cool? cool.)

-Steve might also have a lil crush on Donna, (‘cause a strong personality and blue eyes is like his kink, we all know this) but Eric would throw a fit about that and then they’d be all buddy-buddy discussing Donna & Billy (I think Eric being kind of a dumbass about his own gay kiss might put Steve off for a bit [and make Billy super hesitant and real pissed], but I also think Eric would be cool with hearing Steve out about his big bisexuality-discovery-adventure)

-Donna and Eric trying set Steve and Billy up by saying they’re all gonna hang out, and then like locking Billy/Steve in a room together or something and leaving😈

-When Billy/Steve’s relationship comes out, Hyde’s reaction is probably “That’s cool, man” Kelso would make some corny statement about how hot *he* is, Fez would probably fangirl over it with big ole heart eyes, Jackie would be like “weird, whatever”, Kitty would get flustered and then overly excited about it after a while, Red would be uncomfortable but okay with it saying something like “I better not catch you two dumbasses doing anything in my house”

-Ohmygod, Red as a father figure to Billy, Kitty as a mother figure to Steve, and they end up being so supportive of the boys ‘cause they have to put up with so much parental shit (say what you want, but the Formans have compassion) and they convert their house/backyard into a little private prom for the whole gang just so Billy/Steve can dance together and be themselves

-Billy, Steve, and Robin would die laughing every time they saw/talked to Leo. And I feel like Robin would talk her way into a job at the Photo Hut and then just end up being the manager and hires Jonathan herself to do the developments

-And you know how Hyde is always punching Kelso in the arm? Well he’d always get one, and Billy would punch the other arm as he’d classify Kelso a special kind of idiot, they’d always be teasing Kelso together, but Billy (and Steve I’m sure) would have some wicked BURNS that Kelso would love

-Steve and Kelso as friends? Sure, pretty boys gotta stick together~ especially when Steve gets called that by Billy, and then Kelso insists he’s a prettier boy, and Billy either rolls his eyes or flirts aggressively cause Kelso doesn’t understand WHY that’s Steve’s nickname, and it’s a whole can of worms you guys

-(And I didn’t forget about El, I’m just not quite sure where she fits in this AU... she probably doesn’t have powers and is the new kid who moves into town cause of a bad home life, she’d befriend Max in school and then I think Donna would take her under wing, then she’d be a hit with the teen gang cause she’d break her quietness with witty comments/one-liners, and since she’s very intuitive still, she gravitates towards Billy & Hyde and there would be some touching heart-to-hearts about shitty parental situations followed immediately after by inappropriate offers of beer to which she responds with a firm “gross”)

-And finally, *the Circle* would be so much bigger and funnier with the Stranger Teens in it

[miistymemorii]

How compatible are Pedro Pascal character’s and I?

No one, and I mean NO ONE asked for this. But here we are :) 

warning: literal proof of how lonely i am ahead

Javier Pena

- I think he would find me very annoying

I can’t, like, sit still??? so I do the “jiggling of leg thing” 24/7 and I feel like he would hate that

- but i feel like all we’d do is have *seggs* so i guess points for that

- also i am very clingy and I don’t see him as the type to want to cuddle 

- i am literally so annoying in public because i don’t know how to act and i’m sure i’d annoying him like if we ever went in public

- i love criminology and jobs that deal with crime so i’d be a nosy bitch and ask him wayyyy to many questions about his job

- rating: 4/10

Maxwell Lord

- istg

- not to be a simp on main, but i would be Max’s biggest suporter, like full hype girl

- ^^ i mean, not during the events of 1984, because that was some bs, but like before, when he’s a struggling man who just wants to be a good father

- i hate wearing dresses with a burning passion, but i’d wear a dress like everyday if it made him happy

- yes i do the cooking, yes i do the cleaning

- i feel lie Max needs a woman in his life, or at least someone to give him guidance. I’m the gal for the job.

- i feel like he would cry sometimes like in the middle of the night and i’d be there to comfort him

- but also he’d comfort me when i have panic attacks or depressive episodes

- like i know this man is soft when he’s not doing his “life is good but it could be better” persona

- my dad would hate him tho 0-0 so a loss of points there

- rating: 7/10

Ezra

- cheese and sprinkles okay

- this man

- i feel like we’d be good together

- in most fics Ezra is headcanonned as being very interested in the arts, so i can see us like going to museums and reading to each other

- idk why i just wanna hold his hand

- i feel like he’d let me be the big spoon which makes my heart go boom boom

- he is so fine istg imma cry

- also i feel like my dad would like him and that’s kinda important to me bwahwajdsd

- rating: 8/10

Mando

- okay, to me there are basically 2 tiers of Mando: before Grogu, after Grogu

- if i met him before Grogu, he would hate me. 

- i would ask him loads of questions about the ship and eventually he’d be like “this isn’t gonna work” and drop me off on a planet then leave bwahwahah

- it’d be very “it’s not me, it’s you” :,)

- but if i met him during/ after Grogu

- *sighs*

- i feel like he’d be more willing to a relationship because he kinda learns that not every person is a threat

- i think he’d let me touch his face in the dark, even if he has shows his face to other people, because he’s still wary

- but when he finally lets me see his face in the light, i swear to god i would just spend hours staring at his face

- he’s baby there’s not alot more i can say

-my dad would adore him because irl he LOVES the Mandalorian and my dad loves cowboys and Mando is the best space cowboy in the galaxy

- 7/10

Frankie “catfish” Morales

- okay ya’ll

- i’ve only ever dated, like, assholes so It’d be so nice to date someone who is a nice person

- i KNOW he’s treat me right

- I feel like I would be super intimidated by him, because I get super intimidated by nice people (trust issues gang gang), so I wouldn’t be like my annoying self

- like he’d bring out the shy in me

- but also this man would never judge me and that makes me :)

- i’m not the most outdoorsy person, but i feel like i’d love going camping or hiking with him

- hell i’d let this man take me fishing (though he’d have to teach me because idk how to fish)

- also i feel like we’d do domestic things like go grocery shopping together, dance together in our livingroom, and cook diner together

- rating: 9/10

Pero Tovar

- this mf

- sorry, that was aggressive

- this man

- he would hate me

- like he would HATE me

- i can’t quite place it, it’s more of an instinct that i have? first of all, i would die at like, age 8 if i was alive during the time the movie takes place

- but like i think he’d be like “this bitch” everytime i walked into a room

- i am an annoying mf and he seems like he has 0 patience for idiocracy.

- i have literally nothing else to say bwahaha... it just wouldn’t happen

- rating: 0/10

Agent Whiskey

- okay, im from texas, but the city im from is small and all the boys here have  southern accents, but they’re all so fucking annoying so for a long time i’ve been turned off by those accents

- but dear god when i watched this film for the first time i was like AOOGA

- if i dated him, i would literally ask him questions or make him like read to me just to hear his voice

- is voice kink a thing 0-0 

- i wouldn’t ask him super personal questions about his job, but i’ve always wondered the kind of missions the Statesmen (and Kingsmen) go on, so i’d ask him about that

- i feel like my family would be charmed by him, so points for that

- i am a shitty dancer and i feel like he’d want to teach me to properly slow dance or do that southern dance? (dosie do? my family rejects southern culture because we hate living here lmao)

- he looks like he can cook which makes me :)))))) because i’m not a good cook

- i feel like he’s super adventurous in bed and tbh i am... inexperienced so i think that would be 0-0 awkward at first

- rating: 8/10

Oberyn Martell

- as much as i love this man, i have been in a poly relationship before and it was a living hell, so his lil orgies would make me 0-0 uncomfy 0-0

- i feel like he’s super poetic sometimes, like he likes art and literature

- tbh i skipped through the entirety of GoT and only watched Pedro’s episodes, so i know nothing about that world or time period lmao

- i’m a jealous bitch sometimes so i KNOW i’d be jealous of Ellaria

- omfg the way he LOOKS at people, I’d be a meek bitch

- my dad would hate this mf istg i cannot really describe it he just would i know it

- my dad just kinda hates all politicians/royalty/rich people teehee

- he’s definitely a good kisser tho 0-0 

- i feel like behind closed doors he’s surprisingly soft? like he would just ant to cuddle sometimes and talk about anything and everything

- he’s also a charmer so i feel like he’d try to convince me that i’m beautiful and just be overall kind to me when i’m feeling insecure

-rating: 6/10

Marcus Moreno

- bye ya’ll im deceased

- he was literally in the film for like 5 mins total and yet i have *fallen in love*

- pedro in glasses makes me positively feral grr bark bark

- dashklfhsdlfj PLEASE don’t come for me but like... i feel like he’d be super into making out like for prolonged periods of time

- ANWAYS he seems like the closest in personality to Pedro? So like goofy, soft, BIG hands (jk they all have big hands and they all make me :))))))))))))

- he’d be really good at dates and want to do kinda silly stuff? like carnivals, movies, ice cream shop, the park, etc :)

- i think he would find out that i have a big phat crush on Lavagirl and would let me meet her I would simple cease to exist

- i would be so nervous to meet Missy because even though i love kids, i’m so awkward around them

- he seems like the type to give kisses in places other than my lips. Like he’d love to kiss my hands, my forehead and my cheek

- my stepmom would ADORE him

- also i feel like Marcus’ taste in music is very close to Pedro’s, and Pedro has *immaculate* taste, so my Dad would get on with Marcus because my dad lves music

9/10

[conchstellations]

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING. 

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE”  okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too 

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect. 

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold. 

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better. 

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole  a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf. 

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

 where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason. 

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive. 

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

[ephrampettaline]

au chatzy with @alessafalling, @cassiegermaine, @ephrampettaline, @freddiewatts, and @ianncardero

Ephram felt the trickle of the light rain streaming down the back of his collar and gave his shoulders a quick shrug, hiking his big black coat up higher. Not that it made much difference. The rain in Soapham was notorious for getting in where it shouldn’t be, leaving the entire town in a constant state of needling dampness that was there even in the dead of summer. Ephram supposed it had been one of the reasons he’d weathered the trenches on the Front better than many other soldiers, his being used to that damp, but still. 

He looked upwards, scanning the roofs of the buildings in the distance, the carvings on the taller gravestones, as rain ran down his face and the dirt on his father’s fresh grave ran into mud over the toes of his shoes. A black umbrella big as a moon lifted up, wobbly, and he had to duck slightly so it didn’t hit the side of his head. “Cassie,” Ephram murmured, taking the umbrella handle from her so he could hold it better over the two of them. “It’s just us now. The old man’s gone.” He bowed his head, breathing in deep and rattly. And then said, “…the old-timers will have their hands out, while his body’s still cooling, every one of em who can claim he owed em while he was alive and we owe em now he’s dead.”

Cassie stood and stared quietly down at the gravestone, listening to the rain pattering gently against the umbrella. It was a powerful silence, and Cassie swiped away a stray drop of water from her face. Whether it was rain or a tear, she’d never tell but she turned slightly giving the umbrella up to Ephram when he reached for it. Her shoulders tensed at his words, because it was true, now that Harlan was in the ground all hell could break lose. “You can’t stop that.” Cassie shrugged, voice just a little calmer than she felt. It was something she was good at. “But we’ll handle it. It’s not like you were left completely unprepared.”

Ephram transferred the umbrella to his other hand and wrapped his arm around Cassie, her smart dark coat dry under his rain-soaked sleeve. “We’ll handle it, yeah,” he said. “You ‘n me, just like always. Nobody else ever could figure us out.” He was silent for a moment, then asked, “Where’s the kids? With their nanny? I’m glad you brought em. It’s good to get used to paying your respects even when you ain’t lost your milk teeth yet. God knows we seen our share of these burials.”

“You’ll have to make some pretty big decisions.” Decisions that meant either keeping the status quo or changing the game a bit, but either way Cassie knew the transition wasn’t going to be seamless. They had seen the business since they were kids, sure. But she was realistic about these things. She glanced over her shoulder at the mention of her children and nodded, “Yeah. I figured a graveyard was big enough to swallow at their age.” No use in toting them up to Harlan’s final resting space, it was close enough. “So.” Cassie side glanced at Ephram, “What are you going to do first?”

“Hmmm.” Ephram smiled down at Cassie, his typically dark blue eyes softening as they alit on the familiar rich, glossy brown of her hair beneath her best mourning cap, the soft roundedness of her features, her small and sturdy frame. “Reckon I’m gonna drink a gallon of tea so hot it’ll chase this chill out my bones before them vultures come–" 

He didn’t get any further than that. They heard the zzzpp in the air, and then the flat ping of stone being struck, and when Ephram turned his face, there was blood streaking high on one cheek. "Fucking hell,” he swore viciously, as bullets put holes in their umbrella and the shoulder of Cassie’s coat. His grip on Cassie tightening, Ephram crouched down with her and hustled them around the back of their father’s broad, looming tombstone, using the rapidly unraveling umbrella to obscure them as targets as much as he could. “Stay down!” he snapped, pushing Cassie against the cold marble with his body as he took out his pistol, firing a couple of quick shots around the stone. “We’re fine here. The Jacks’ll take whoever it is in a few minutes. Just stay out of sight.”

Cassie rolled her eyes at Ephram’s answer, opening her mouth to only slightly berate him. As nice as a cup of tea sounded, she was being completely serious. But before Cassie got the chance to say anything bullets rang through the air and she screamed instead when a bullet grazed her shoulder. She grasped at it in shock, falling easily with Ephram and keeping against the gravestone back as instructed. After all, Ephram was the one who was armed, she never had been. 

“Christ almighty.” Cassie grumbled pulling her hand away to look at the blood before it was washed away by the rain. “A graveyard is a new low for sure.” Her mind only went to the kids for a few moments, another reason she left them with the nanny. Unconnected and completely civilian, they’d be fine. But there were other mourners in the graveyard too. “Someone might pull the police.” She breathed, still sitting on the damp ground behind Ephram, “God that was desperate.”

Ephram grunted, glancing back in time to see the blood thinning and disappearing under the rain hitting Cassie’s fingers. “You’re fine, right?” he asked, but his attention was drawn by a bright three-blast birdwhistle that cut through the muggy air, the sound of bullets gone. “There, that’s it – the boys’ve gotten em.” Ephram stood and tugged Cassie up easily, folding the ruined umbrella and hanging it off the side of the tombstone. “Not hurt, eh? Nothing serious.” He didn’t wait for her answer, lifting his chin in greeting as McGee, one of their trusted Jacks, came over. 

McGee reported, “It was old Herschel, your father’s partner from that horse-doping scheme. Come sniffing for the two thousand dollarpound he thinks – thought – you owe him.” The small man squinted as Ephram nodded, tucking Cassie against his side as other mourners, other people in the graveyard started to gather round closer. 

“My father’s partner from days back,” Ephram repeated, a little loudly. “On the day when my sister and me lay the man to rest, with his own lil grandchildren only just having left the grave by the Lord’s mercy.” He covered his face with his hand as the gathered people murmured, some shaking their heads in commisseration and indignation, some crossing themselves. “Desperate,” Ephram intoned, the blood smeared livid on his face when he took his hand away and turned Cassie so they could head to their company car. “You’ve got the right of it, Cassie. That was desperate.”

As other’s gathered, Cassie held herself upright, biting back the sharp pain in her shoulder. No use in causing more of a scene than there already was. Besides, McGee and the others had made short work of the interference. A slight disadvantage, Cassie thought to herself. Just what sort of logic ran through Hershel’s mind that led to an assassination getting him his two thousand dollarpounds? As it was, Cassie walked back with Ephram to the car gathering the kids with their nanny along the way. “I’ll be fine.” She murmured, shedding her coat once settled in her seat. “Bad news about tea time though.” She spoke again, “I don’t think the other gangs will give you that break.”

Cassie’s stoic demeanour about her shoulder wound was for nothing, though; as they left, McGee announced to the crowd, “–even took a piece out of Miss Cassie with his bullet, with her father only just buried, saints preserve us!” The sounds of the group in the cemetary shut out beyond the car door, Ephram took out his cigarette case, one of the few concessions he made to an outward show of the Kingfishers’ growing wealth; it was silver and mahogany, polished, monogrammed. He looked out the window in a plume of acrid smoke, gaze dotting along chimneys and windows. 

“Nobody will give us a break come a month from now,” Ephram agreed, “but until then they might think twice. Not wanting to come off as disrespectful shitbirds like ol’ Herschel lying in the boneyard back there, himself a low enough snake to even take a potshot at sweet Miss Cassie.” He imitated McGee’s broad accent on her name, it becoming obvious that none of this – the shots they’d ducked from, the news of Herschel’s execution, the touch of speechifying McGee was giving in their wake – was a surprise to Ephram. He tapped his ash in the car ashtray, mouth twisting but gaze level. “I reckon we could still get some tea. We’ve got plans to shore up, now that we got a couple weeks’ respite.”

Cassie grumbled slightly as she watched Ephram pull out the cigarette case and light the end of the one he chose. “The theatrics. Still It was probably best to get Hershel out of the way first. He really was just a pest. Just mark that as the only bullet I take.” She shifted in her seat, frowning in thought at Ephram’s read of the situation. “Sure, the smart one’s will give us a break. But some might see it as a better opportunity just-“ She raised a hand, “Let’s keep a low profile. You keep a low profile. At least until Harlan’s death isn’t such a brand new idea. You’re still vulnerable.” She raised a brow, “That means everything. Weapons and business connections can wait. Piece it together over tea first.” Cassie sat back, “My two cents.” Ephram might think the other gangs didn’t want to appear as pathetic as Hershel, but she wasn’t so sure.

Ephram smiled at Cassie at her scolding over the shot she’d taken, relief through the expression. He hadn’t really thought she’d be angry with him for putting her in the (manufactured) line of fire – since neither of them had ever really been in danger – but it always sat better with Ephram when the two of them were of a mind when it came to these things. “Duly noted,” he said, leaning over to peck a kiss against her cheek. “And I’ll do my best on the low profile. Although you know with the old man gone now and me publicly taking over Kingfisher, we’re going to need to have a meeting. With the Slap Jacks, of course, but …" 

Ephram crossed his legs, his body shifting so he faced his sister and not the window. "You reckon we should call in some others? That girl gun-runner, maybe, might be good to get hold of her now before anybody else does. And Freddie Watts. He’d come, if for nothin’ else than to satisfy his curiosity.” Ephram gave a dry chuckle and faint cough on his cigarette smoke, crushing it out. “The blighter sent me a bloody Mass card for the old man. As if him or me or you or hell, Harlan believe in the afterlife and peace everlasting.”

“The Slap Jacks of course.” Cassie nodded, head bobbing for a few extra moments as she reached over and pulled the little red head onto her lap. The blood on her shoulder had already mostly staunched in bleeding, and anyways the toddler was more preoccupied with her toy doll. “I can see about the arms dealer.” Cassie agreed, it would be better to have her on their side then risking any of the other gangs getting the majority of her fire power. Chances were if that was the case, it’d be turned against the Slapjacks anyways. Until Ephram made a statement about his take over, boundaries would be pushed. She chewed her thumbnail and inquired, “You trust Watts? The card sounds cheeky to me.”

Ephram curled his fingers around his cigarette case, but refrained from lighting up again – they were almost at the house, and now he wanted a drink. Or two or three. “When it comes to Watts, trust isn’t a word that settles easy,” he acknowledged. “But right now, and in the face of new business that’s sure to arise from what other gangs are gonna see as a power vacuum with the old man’s death? He’ll want to wet his beak. And Freddie and me always been able to make good money together.” That wasn’t the only thing they’d done well together, but those days – both of them hungry young men lusting for everything they could get their hands on including and up to each other – were long past. Plastered over by years and yellow trench mud and plenty of spilled blood.

“Reach out to him after tea then.” If Ephram had an interest in a business partner, Cassie wasn’t going to contradict him. “It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere anytime soon. But I need tea. And you need a drink.” Eprham could fib he wanted, but Cassie caught the particular tenseness in his jaw and hands. She tilted her head down to look at Addie and jostled her slightly on her lap, “Ah, we’re tired of all this rain aren’t we?” The car pulled up the driveway to the house and Cassie exited, speaking quietly with the nanny only breaking off from the children as she turned towards the parlor with Ephram.

Ephram watched as the nanny called Cassie back for some sort of further question, about to continue on through to the kitchen when the housekeeper tugged him aside. “There’s a young Miss Caird waiting in the parlour for you,” Mrs. Hudson said with clear disapproval, “as well as–" 

She blinked and stepped back slightly when Ephram cut her off with a nod, screwing a cigarette into his mouth and stepping forward to the man in the foyer whose coat was being hung up. "Freddie,” Ephram said, clapping the other man on the shoulder and holding out his hand, before retracting it and crossing himself piously. “Peace be with you, brother.”

“And with you, darling,” Freddie said, a faint smile tugging the corner of his mouth, in spite of the solemn occasion. “So sorry to hear about Harlan - what was it he used to call me? That little pet name; you remember…” Freddie did smile now, not caring to stand on ceremony anymore, “The limey nancyboy, I think it was. Warms the cockles of my heart even now to think on it." 

Freddie stepped closer and extended his own hand. "So how are you holding up, love?” He rolled his eyes slightly, tsking, “I heard about that terrible business at the graveside. Honestly,” he looked Ephram in the eye, letting him know that he knew precisely what the bigger man had been up to, “-some people have no shame.”

Ephram grasped Freddie’s hand tight, meeting his old … friend? partner? associate? … with a steady gaze. “The old man never did have a gentle word where a rough one fit better,” he said, teeth clenched on his unlit cigarette. “Reckon it was only fitting that there was gunplay to go along with the grief when we planted 'im. Don’t you think?” Freddie, after all, had known Harlan well – not as much as Ephram and Cassie, of course, but enough to know that the man in that grave would go unwatered by Kingfisher tears. He let go of Freddie’s hand and dug out his lighter, drawing in a deep breath of smoke. 

“You’ve heard of this Caird girl by now, I hope,” Ephram said as he waved Mrs. Hudson off and the two men began to amble towards the parlour. “Mighty serendipitous you paying your respects while she’s sat in the parlour waitin’ for an audience.”

“Isn’t it though?” Freddie said, the very picture of innocence - or he would have been, if it hadn’t been for the steely gleam of calculation in his eye. “As it happens, an old associate of mine was singing her praises just the other day, so I’m chuffed to get to meet her at last. I assume,” he went on, smirking slightly, “-that she’s here to offer condolences as well? Given your recent attack, sweetie, I can’t imagine you’re much up to doing business.”

Alessa is simply sat, ankles crossed, stirring sugar into the cup of tea she’d been offered. She could hear two voices drawing closer but paid no attention until the door opened. Once it did she stood, abandoning her cup to greet the new faces. Taking their features in carefully and politely waiting for one of them to introduce themselves so she knew who to offer her sympathies to. A soft “Hello gentlemen.” leaving her lips to spur them on.

Ephram dabbed his ring finger against the small drip of blood, the scabbing graze on his cheekbone from one of the bullets aimed at him and Cassie. “Blood dries fast,” he said laconically. “And nobody holds week-long wakes anymore. People need to offer their condolences in person, it seems – nothing like doing things with your own two hands, eh, Freddie?" 

The tall man was still giving a wry, sideways smile when he pushed open the doors to the parlour, striding towards the young woman inside who offered them a greeting. "Essie Caird, this is Freddie Watts, an associate of Kingfisher & Co, come to pay his respects. I’m Ephram Kingfisher but you know that. Whiskey?” Ephram had already moved to the bar cart, pouring three whiskey-and-sodas and handing them around.

Freddie took his drink, then turned his attention to the young woman in front of them. “Miss Caird,” he said, “It’s a pleasure. Your reputation precedes you, and it has nothing but good things to say.” He took her hand and dropped a light kiss on her knuckles, giving her a wink. “The deceased was a hateful old bastard, by the way, so don’t feel as though you’ve missed much.”

Ephram gave Freddie a flat look at his comment about the dead man, but didn’t say anything. It was true, after all.

Freddie shot an amused look back at Ephram, daring him to contradict him. Almost disappointed when he held his tongue.

Alessa watches one man greet her abruptly before going to pour out drinks, even without an introduction she could take a pretty accurate guess at who had just been shot at graveside. Taking the offered drink with an appreciative thanks before being greeted by the other. “I’m glad to hear it’s a positive review.” she doesn’t comment on the deceased, but a small flicker of her eyes pass over the two men as they share competing looks.

Freddie sat down in a nearby chair and crossed one leg over the other, sipping his drink and taking a moment to observe the other two; happy to wait and see how they approached one another from here on out so that he might be better able to assess his own position.

Ephram gestured for the other two to sit (finding that Freddie, of course, had already made himself comfortable), taking up a place himself leaning against the mantle of the fireplace. “We’ve heard a bit about you, Miss Caird,” he said, flashing a polite if not terribly warm smile. “Quite an enterprising young woman, is the story among those in the know. I’d say if it’s business you’ve come to talk then you’ve been lucky in pulling two big fish at once.” He took a swallow of his drink, swirling it in the glass. “Eh, small fry? Are you that ambitious?”

Cassie returned to the parlor only to be surprised by two more guests. She raised brows at the additions before settling back on one of the couches to overlook them as they chatted with Ephram. She had taken the extra moment to collect a tea cup from the kitchen and watched the door for when one of the staff might come along with the fresh pot. “Good news always travels fast.” She murmured, standing to retrieve the tea from the gentle knock at the door.

Freddie turned to Ms. Caird, curious to hear her response and actively resisting the urge to turn ‘big fish’ into something filthy for his own amusement. Ephram, after all, did look darling when he flushed. He stood again though when Cassie came into the room, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, Cass; how are you?”

Alessa elected not to sit, to sit would be to put herself below both men and as such she stayed standing, to be at least somewhat of a more serious player. She spares a small glance to the other woman in the room before shifting to stand a touch taller. “I offer first condolences for your loss, but time is fickle and unfortunately in the wake of such big life changes it’s also of the essence. Word of what has occurred today is already spreading, and when I left my home a detour felt in order I approach in the wake of an attack to offer my services.”

Ephram spanned his fingers over his eyebrows, giving them a quick, hard rub. “And we – my sister Cassandra and I – we thank you for your condolences, but you’ll find it’s the nature of your services that I’m more interested in.” He finished his drink, abandoning his glass on the mantlepiece. “What are you offering, exactly? And is it to Kingfisher,” he jerked his thumb at himself, “or to Slap Jacks, or,” Ephram pointed at Freddie, who was looking as innocent as he was able (which was to say his eyes were round and that was about it), “to Watts and what his coffers can pay? You can’t serve that many masters in this line of work, you’ll find, Miss Caird.”

Cassie gave little indication towards Freddie Watts as he kissed her cheek and asked after her. In the parlor with an arms dealer and the new reigning leader of Slap Jacks, this was strictly business. She was glad Ephram reminded them to stay on task. Cassie poured her tea unbothered, also trying to bite back a smirk at he other woman who seemed concerned with posturing. Maybe if Cassie had been concerned in her position, she would have followed suit. But technically, her hands were clean of this business. She was just here to offer advice when it was applicable. She sipped from her cup, crossing her ankles carefully and looking pointedly over at the two visitors, curious of their offers.

“Ah, but you and I are capable of playing rather nicely together when we try, Ephram love,” Freddie said, “So perhaps Miss Caird wouldn’t have to have so many masters after all. Especially as Kingfisher and the Jacks are fundamentally one and the same.”

Alessa looks back at the man unconcerned. “I might be younger, but I’m not a novice by any means. I know the capabilities of my operation and it’s already been suggested that my name proceeds me in a positive light. I /have/ found what I can and cannot manage in this line of work already Mr. Kingfisher make no mistakes. I simply come offering the openings of a deal to be struck at a later date. You know what work I deal in, you can likely deduce for yourself my wares.” She turns her head towards the seated man as he speaks up and then looks back to Ephram curious as to what he has to say to that.

Ephram finished his cigarette, pinching it out and throwing the extinguished bit into the grate. “Right,” he said brusquely, unamused by Freddie’s pointing out that the Slap Jacks served Kingfisher purposes but resigning himself to that fact – unarguable, it was true – becoming more and more common knowledge. Especially as Ephram and Cassie intended to bolster the ranks of the Jacks substantially now that they had full control of Kingfisher & Co. “And assuming that Kingfisher and Watts are going to be tied to the same interests down the road, a joint business deal would work. But that’s one hell of an assumption, ain’t it?" 

He moved over to Cassie, waiting for her to pour him a cup of tea before saying, "Three cases of rifles and three dozen pistols, with ammunition enough to fill a man’s pockets. That’s twelve rifles, three times that in handguns, and Mr. Watts and I will divide them amongst our people. If we like what you give us, we’ll buy more.” He drank his tea, setting the cup down with a clink that echoed through the parlour. “Not a penny for these ones. A show of good will on all sides, Miss Caird, and steady customers to be had to make up for it – if we’re satisfied.”

“You and I can talk assumptions later, darling,” Freddie said, his gaze cool and steady as he looked at Ephram, before swinging back to Essie Caird. “But that sounds reasonable, doesn’t it, love? Ephram and I do both have rather deep pockets when we find something we like.” Freddie smiled. “Well. Mine are just a bit deeper… but that’s neither here nor there for the moment. Do we have a deal?”

Alessa nods slowly as a list of munitions is given to her. Her face doesn’t change but her eyes narrow ever so slightly at the insinuation that her wares wouldn’t be up to standard enough to satisfy a gangster of all people. She was a dealer, not a manufacturer, but she knew what quality looked like. And she was only interested in quality, this was likely why she had such good standing in this sort of business. She also prided herself on always being able to deliver, she was good at her job and her operation was second to none even if it was only more recently falling into the spotlight. “I’ll need a drop off location, and access if it falls in somewhere on your private property but it sounds fair. It’s a deal gentlemen.”

“How long?” Freddie asked her seriously, his cheekiness having fallen away for the moment, now that the deal was done. “That will rather dictate the delivery location.”

Ephram spat in his hand and held it out to Essie. “Shake on it,” he said, and without looking over at Freddie as the other man made his inquiry, continued, “Mr. Watts and I will be on hand to take possession of the shipment. He’ll give you the location.” If Freddie wanted them to make this deal on a joint basis – and on Ephram’s negotiating them getting the arms at no charge, at that – then he’d have to pony up his warehouse for the dropoff point. “Make a note of it,” Ephram said in a low aside to Cassie. He kept a running tally in his head, it was true, but his sister’s ledgers were the real site and record of the movement of their funds.

“Ahead of you on that.” Cassie murmured back to Ephram, taking another sip from her tea cup. She didn’t have her ledger on hand, but all she had to do was retrieve it from underneath the bar across the room. She didn’t like to have it out in the open with others around, but similar to Ephram had already been keeping a mental tally. When the teapot was a little past half empty she stood from the couch, walking over to the bar cart and perching herself there to watch the proceedings. Her lips a little thin in thought. Could they really afford to be generous with the upper hand here? Either way, she was quickly rolling through Slap Jacks that could help guard the warehouse for a special drop off.

Alessa looks around. She levels him with a serious stare in return. “Paying custom usually comes first. I run a business gentlemen, I am required to turn up a profit at the end of the day. I am however willing to participate to this show of faith.” Although in her mind she wonders what kind of faith /they/ are showing to her in this situation. She will be the one with the loss at the end of the day, and they are the ones benefiting, but she does accept that to take leaps forward in this game sometimes it was built on loyalty and trust. Something she’d have to build rather than buy. She reaches out and shakes Ephrams hand, unflinching at the squelch of his spit between them. “It won’t be more than a day to collect the assets and deliver them.”

Ephram shook Essie’s hand firmly, then rubbed his palms together, going to the door and opening it to shout, “Mrs. Hudson, bring us more tea and a plate of sandwiches! Enough for–” He stopped, looking around at the little gathered group, and shouted again to the still-unseen Mrs. Hudson, “–never you mind, we’ll head down to the Fox and Fern instead.” The pub seemed like a better option than staying in the stuffy parlour, now that business was drawing to a close. And Ephram had built up a thirst with the day’s work.

“In that case,” Freddie said, moving closer to offer his hand as well, “-you’d best bring everything round my place. By way of the river though, yeah? That way we can set our own schedules.” He rattled off the address, told her midnight or thereabouts would likely be their best window, then glanced over his shoulder at Ephram as his old… whatever-they-were began to shout at his housekeeper, making Freddie’s ears ring a bit. But he smiled all the same, giving Caird’s hand a shake. “Lovely,” he said, “I could use a proper drink.”

Cassie narrowed her eyes slightly when Freddie moved to change the route of the weapon shipment. She was cautious, but there was a particular suspicion she held for Freddie Watts. He could attach himself to any gang in Soapham. Was Kingfisher the best business decision? Cassie wasn’t so sure. Regardless, she didn’t speak out, letting her shoulders drop as she rearranged some of the crystal on the bar cart, and bent slightly to get her ledger now that Ephram was moving people out of the house. “I can handle things back here.” She called out to him, “If you can handle your liquor.” Worse came to worst, she could step into the pub at a later time, but she was gonna send out some muscle men anyways.

Alessa offered Freddie the same hand without blinking. If she was to endure the spit handshake then so should the third member of this deal. Taking in the details of the drop off with only a split second startled glance spared for the sudden yelling occurring. Hands twitching but making no serious sudden movement in reaction all the same, returning to her composed state. “I think I’ll beg off a trip to the pub. I have a shipment to audit.” Nodding at Cassie politely she makes her way over to lift her bag. Tucking the strap into the crook of one arm. “Lovely doing business with you gentlemen. Have a pleasant afternoon. I’ll be in touch.”

Ephram had chosen the Fox and Fern because it was a five-minute walk from the house, and because it was one of the very few pubs in Soapham that wasn’t affiliated with one of the local gangs. Everyone respected the truce once they were in those dark wood-paneled walls, and as Ephram found the two of them a high table in a dark corner (he wasn’t above pettily forcing short-arsed Freddie Watts to perch on a stool), he felt the tensions of the day start to drain from his muscles. “You’re buying, love,” Ephram grunted, folding his arms on the table with a smirk. “I’m the bereaved party, after all.”

Freddie gave Ephram a filthy look for the stools, then headed to the bar to collect their drinks, coming back only a few minutes later with gin for himself and whisky for Ephram, setting them both down on the table and then climbing up into his seat - with markedly less grace than he normally cared for. “Right, sunshine,” he said, “There’s your bloody bereavement - but the next shout is yours. You did miss my birthday, after all.”

Ephram picked up his drink, clinking his glass against Freddie’s. “You don’t have a birthday,” he murmured against the rim, letting the whiskey warm his tongue before swallowing. “You invented yourself out of whole cloth and we both know it.”

Freddie laughed. “That’s true,” he said, “I did. But that means that my birthday is whenever I bloody well say it is, and I say you missed it, love. So you’ll have to make it up to me if we’re going to be partners again.” He took a sip of his drink and gave Ephram a smirk. “It wouldn’t do to start things out on the wrong foot.”

Ephram leaned back a little, fixing Freddie with a considering look. “Well, Freddie,” he said, “I’m not entirely sure what would be the right foot for us. To be partners. Again.” He let each word get progressively heavier, years’ worth of joint jobs and circling each other and outright competition underlining them. “Don’t tell me this death in the family’s got you nostalgic.”

“Not nostalgic exactly, no,” Freddie said, chuckling, “-more like… taking stock of our options moving forward, and wondering whether history is worth repeating with a few improvements, now that we’re older, richer, and wiser.” Freddie met Ephram’s eyes knowingly, unruffled by the other man’s considerations, knowing that he couldn’t be found wanting by any measurement. “Go on then,” he said, inscrutable and insouciant, “-don’t tell me you never think about me, Ephram. I’ll know you’re lying if you do - and I’d hate to have to scold you on the day you’ve buried your father.”

Ephram grunted at Freddie’s challenge. One of the pitfalls of having known people who watched you grow from being a neophyte in the business was that they’d also watched you refine your skills at lying and dissembling; Freddie knew all of Ephram’s tells and possibly a few that Ephram wasn’t aware of. His warning that he’d recognize a lie was no idle claim. 

“I always keep you in mind, Watts,” he said easily. “We could hardly pretend the other doesn’t exist, in the circles we run. And I’m more aware than most of what you’re capable of.” The other part of their history? Ephram didn’t bring up. If Freddie wanted to push that aspect of it, he’d have to come out and say it directly. For Ephram, it was all a long, long time ago. And he’d done his best to curb not only that appetite, but any and all of them.

Freddie watched, one beat passing, and then two, and then finally he rolled his eyes, taking up his drink again. “Do you know your trouble, Ephram?” he said, “You don’t enjoy anything properly anymore. And that’s the difference between you and me.” The gangster smiled, raising his glass a hair. “I love my work.” He downed the rest of the gin, then slid the glass closer to Ephram to remind the other man that the next round was his. “So who are you having join us tomorrow evening then?”he asked, all business now, “Because there’s a few of your Jacks that I won’t be having on my premises, mate. I don’t bloody trust them.”

Iann half-staggered into the Fox and Fern, casting a glower around at the patrons, most of whom glanced at the door, saw it was Iann Cardero, and quickly looked away. No one invited him to their table, or hailed him. He didn’t care, he told himself; he was used to it by now. But he spotted Kingfisher where the Slap Jack guy said the man would be, dressed in all-blacks. Iann had considered wearing a arm band, but figured that would be a little too…noticable. And the last thing he wanted was to be noticed for a mourning band. 

Spitting blood and snot, Iann made his way over to Kingfisher, edging in between Mr Watts and the other and interrupting whatever business they were conducting. “It’s done, Miss'r Kingfisher,” Iann muttered, sniffing hard before holding out his hand expectantly.

Ephram had shifted on his stool, disgruntled to find himself relieved and aggravated in equal parts by Freddie’s comments and about to list the Jacks he was intending to bring to the warehouse, when of all the ignominious fucklehead fools in town, Iann Cardero had to reel up to the table. Trailing mad badness behind him visibly in a pub where business was best conducted sotto voce and civilized. “Sit the fuck down before I knock you down, Christ,” Ephram hissed. “Are you drunk? Why would you come here to be paid?”

“Because I want to get drunk,” Iann snapped back, glaring at the Kingfisher, then at Mr Watts. He snorted, but stopped himself before it became a laugh; Iann knew better than that. He took a step back, and gave them each a bow as if they were royals, but Iann still kept his hand out towards Ephram. “What I’m owed, sir.”

Freddie raised an imperious eyebrow at Cardero, then looked back to Ephram. “You see,” he said, “now this, darling,” he gestured at Iann carefully, not wanting anything sticking to the drunken man - either literal or figurative - sticking to him in turn, “-doesn’t bode well for our nascent little business venture. When did you start employing this sort of dreck?”

Ephram rubbed at his chin, prickly mood spiking. “We all need to go outside of the pack for certain jobs now and again,” he said tersely in answer to Freddie’s question, then gave a sudden, loud laugh chock-full of somewhat forced bonhomie. “I thank you for the condolences, Cardero,” Ephram said, “and that story about the old man, I don’t reckon I ever heard that one. Good to remember him that way, eh? Here–” Ephram took out a reasonably thick fold of dollarpounds from his vest pocket, taking Iann’s hand and slapping the money into his palm, “–get us in another round, there’s a good man.” The sidelong looks from other tables eased slightly, and Ephram kept the smile on his face. 

Even though it twitched at one side the longer he held it.

“Darling, there’s outside the pack, and then outside the realm of the reasonable…” Freddie murmured, beginning to wonder if Ephram had begun to entertain fantasies of becoming an actor, given that this was his second dramatic performance of the day.

Iann was immediately placated by the sight of the money; he knew how to adopt obeisance when it was needed; but of course he did just come into the pub, spattered in blood and grime. “The Slap Jack’s favoured son always had manners, inne,” Iann said, curling his lip to show his teeth in the form of some sort of gratitude. Mr Watts, he gave a wry wink, but didn’t dare respond directly to the other man. Watts was the only faction who had never requested Iann’s services. His was a group of airs and graces. Iann paid the insults no mind; he currently had enough in his palm to keep him lubricated so it would do him fine. Maybe hand a couple dollars over to Ruby, do the girls (a vain plan that never happened). He went to the bar and got himself a beer. “And drinks for the Kingfisher,” Iann added grudingly, because it had to be done to keep the peace.

Ephram let the act drop immediately once Iann removed himself to the bar, all scowls again. “It seemed like a sensible plan at the time,” he groused. “But now I’m starting to think you’ve got a point. Rest assured–” Ephram paused as the barmaid brought over their next set of drinks, idly watching the movement of her wide hips as she made her way back to the bar, “–Cardero won’t be among the men I’m bringing to your warehouse. Maybe Voeman. He’s loyal enough and I think he might be sweet on my sister.” Ephram gave a not-entirely-kind chuckle, lifting his drink. “He’ll have his great noble heart smashed once he finds out the sort of woman she really is. But that’s for him to learn in his own time.” Lubricated with more liquor, Ephram rubbed his nose with a glance at Freddie and murmured, “…we all learn in time, don’t we, Freddie. Who we really are.”

“We all learn,” Freddie agreed, reaching for his own fresh glass and casting an unimpressed look at what he considered the departing barmaid’s unimpressive figure, “-but only some of us really embrace it, love. The rest of us never have the balls.”

Ephram slapped the table to draw Freddie’s attention back. “Look,” he said, bordering on fed up, “my balls have never been in fucking question, awright? I can’t afford to spend my time dicking around with every half-wit who’s got something big down his trousers.”

Startled by the slapping of the table, Freddie’s head snapped back and he raised an eyebrow at Ephram, his gaze caught somewhere between triumph at having finally rattled him, and an affronted disapproval of such an unprofessional outburst. “Touch a nerve, did I, sweetie?” he asked. “Only I hear that you’re more than happy to waste your time with every half-wit who’s got a bit extra in her blouse.”

Ephram stared at Freddie, anger ringing the blue of his eyes in pale grey – and then he said, “Not only the blouse. A lot extra in the skirt, too.” He took a drink. “Sweetie.”

Freddie ’s jaw clenched. “Of course,” he said tightly, “However could I forget?”

Ephram spun his glass in his hands, tcching through his teeth, then grabbed it to halt its spinning. “What d'you want, Freddie?” he asked, voice congenial enough though his face was stony. “You want me to say you were a good fuck? You were. I’m sure you still are. And I’m sure you have piles of disposable bedmates willing to tell you so without the trouble of drinks and rifle shipments. So what is this, eh?” Ephram spread his hands. “You want to know if I can keep my head and keep on pulling through whatever comes up? I can.”

Freddie looked coldly across the table at Ephram, angry, but unruffled save for the slight gritting of his teeth. “Oh, I don’t want a sodding thing from you, mate,” Freddie said, his voice low, “Don’t flatter yourself. And don’t think for a moment that this looks anything like ‘pulling through’ to me, alright? What you did is blink, love - and we can’t have that.”

Ephram half-leaned across the table, glaring hotly as he growled, “Blinked? I blinked? I’ve been holding Kingfisher together with spit and baling wire since I got back from the fucking Front while you were still hot-dogging with your fellow flyboys. I’ve been ferreting out the weak links in the Slap Jacks and getting them shipped out of Soapham. I’ve been–” Drawing in a fast breath, Ephram sat straight again and threw back the rest of his drink. “Fucking bastard. You fucking, insufferable bastard.”

Freddie stared back, unmoved, the ghost of a smile alighting on his lips. “And now you’re sat in a pub throwing a tantrum.” He clucked his tongue. “Whatever would Daddy say, Ephram? I don’t think he’d be best pleased, do you?”

Ephram wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, then pointed to the front door of the pub. “Walk on, Watts,” he said, teeth held tight. “My eyes are wide open. And you best pray they stay that way for when we get that shipment of handguns and rifles tomorrow night.”

Freddie waited for a moment, coolly staring Ephram down, then picked up his drink and finished it, pushing the glass away before standing up, and huffing out a small laugh at even the idea of prayer. “I wouldn’t waste my time, love,” he said, “See you tomorrow night then.” And then he was gone, striding confidently out into the evening, a man without a care in the world.

[j-whirl44]

This Will End.

OhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH buddy look at me i’m writing again (kinda)

Red Dead 2 has consumed my every thought for the last two weeks basically and I have a lot of feelings.

I love the relationship between Mary and Arthur and I feel like it doesn’t get enough love. So i’m giving a little bit.

I just finished Chapter IV like 5 hours ago so that’s where this is set bc i have no clue where this game is going at the current moment lmaoooo.

This is in Mary’s POV which wasn’t planned tbh but I liked doing it. (might write something in Arthur’s POV when I play a lil more of Chapter V and see if we uh, get out of that whole predicament)

Pls enjoy pls tell me what you think i’m very nervous i haven’t written any fiction in over a year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read it on AO3 too ! [x]

Made them a playlist too [x]

“So are you going to tell about the little adventure you had with Arthur getting daddy back here?” Jamie asks his sister with a hint of teasing in his tone. Mary slaps his arm.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but there’s nothing to tell. We found daddy trying to sell mama’s brooch and then that was that,” she said.

“That old bastard came back hours before you did,” Jamie countered, “rambling how you’ve ‘climbed back into bed with that mangy outlaw,” he finished. Mary blushed slightly at her father’s accusation.

She quickly composed herself, “Don’t talk about daddy like that,” she deflected. The two continued to walk in silence. Mary sighed. “We may have...gone to see the traveling performances that was playing in the theater. I-I felt like I owed him something after making him deal with daddy.”

The smile on Jamie’s face filled Mary with instant regret. “Oh Jamie don’t make a big deal of this. It didn’t mean anything. We-we didn’t do nothing but watch the show and walk to the trolley afterwards,” she said. Jamie nodded.

“Oh I knew you were still sweet on him! And he is so clearly still sweet on you,” Jamie exclaimed, getting looks from passerbyers.

Mary hushed him. “I am not. We are friends. It’s...It’s all we can afford to be,” she said. Jamie looked at her with sympathy.

“Oh my sweet sister. I have never seen you care so much about a person. Not even your own husband!” Mary always felt a little guilty about that. It not like her late husband was a bad man, he just wasn’t Arthur.

Arthur. The rough and tough 20 something year old boy who took Mary by the hand and made her feel like the most important lady in all of New Hanover.

Arthur. The rough and tough 20 something year old idiot who had a fierce loyalty to Dutch and Hosea and got so swept up in their fantasies of riches and lawless life. “They raised me,” he always said, whenever Mary raised a complaint on how they ‘do their business’ especially Dutch. She regrets a lot of her life as a young women but she never regretted her time with Arthur.

“I,” she hesitated as her brother looked to her, “I asked him to run away with me. I asked his to run and never look back.”

Jamie looked at her with disbelief. “You? You asked him?”

Mary nodded. “I can’t take this life anymore Jamie,” she said. “I want to be with him I just don’t know how.”

“What did he say?” Jamie asked. 

Mary scoffed, “That damn fool! He told me he needed to help some people first. That we’d need money. That he so close to bringing everything to an end.”

“Same old Arthur,” Jamie mused. Mary nods. “He always had that loyalty to Dutch, ugh, that wretched man!” she never trusted Dutch. The few times they met never left the best impression on her. He always seemed slimy and insincere; never truly letting Arthur be anything more than the muscle of the gang.

Mary was about to respond when the boom of a paper boy screaming the headline: “Read all about it! Van der Lined gang leads shootout in Saint Denis!” The callout stops Mary in her tracks. She rushes over to the paper boy and gives him a dollar. Jamie close behind. “Keep the change,” she said. She barely catches the thank you from the boy as she scans the big bolded headline on the front page.

“NOTORIOUS GANG BEHIND BIGGEST SHOOTOUT IN SAINT DENIS HISTORY; MANY DEAD"

Dead. The word rings through Mary’s mind. Surely he can’t be dead. He knew how to handle himself. She grips the sides of the paper tight as she tries to read through the rest of the article.

“Mary. Mary come sit you’re pale,” Jamie said, “What’s wrong?” They walk to the nearest bench together as Mary’s mind races.

“That gang. That’s the gang he runs with. Arthur. He-he-”

Realization hit Jamie as he tried to calm her down, “We don’t know nothing yet. He’s the toughest man I know. He made it out alive, sister.” Her eyes began to well.

She felt both terrified and angry; an exhausting combination. She scanned the article for any sign of his name when another bit tugged her heart.

‘Van der Lined’s second-in-command, Hosea Matthews, was reported to have been one of the many casualties in the rampant shootout.’

Mary brought a hand to her lips, “Oh. Oh Hosea was a good man. As good as any many can be in a life like that.”

Mary recalled the first time she met Hosea at a saloon in some small new settlement. He took to her the said and commended her on the ‘job’ she’d done on Arthur. “That boy rarely smiled before he started spending time with you. He’s quite smitten, though lord only knows the boy will never admit it. I’m glad he has you,” he said,” “Besides. It gets him to stop following me like a lost puppy with no sense of direction, so thanks for that! Ha!”

She couldn’t hold in her tears any longer as she thought about how she’d never get to see Arthur again. She’d never get to feel his hands on her again. Feel his pained stare ever again. His smile; his laugh; his lips; his anything. She should’ve put her foot down more, she shouldn’t have been so coy with him and let him know how much she loved him. Then maybe, she thought, just maybe he would’ve accepted her request of running of together and leaving her cursed daddy and his vile gang behind. It really is just a pretty dream now though.

A very pretty one; as he put it.

After awhile the siblings slowly walked back to their hotel room. Mary excused herself to the balcony where she watched the sunset with a pen and paper.

My Dear Arthur,

I heard the news. My heart is so heavy. I do not wish to know why you thought you needed to do something like this. When you said you were getting money, I thought it was a much more simpler and less stupid job than this. You continue to surprise me in such heartbreaking ways.

I’m sorry to hear about Hosea. I know you thought of him as a father; and you a son to him. I always wished you cared me the way cared for your gang. Why didn’t you? Oh I must admit I’m writing this in both hope and fear that you’ll never read it. I know not if you’re alive or dead. A part of me hopes I never get the answer.

Oh my darling. Why couldn’t you just have run away with me that day. Where would we be now? Somewhere off in Chicago? Or perhaps we went even more south to Mexico. I wouldn’t have cared as long as I was in your company. I pray we see each other again. I truly do. Until then I will curse you every night for not being here.

Always, Mary

She folded the letter and contemplated what to do with it until she finally looked at the lit candle on the table and held the paper over the flame.

[fingersinhisass]

DO ALL THE QUESTIONS FOR AL, MY FAVORITE, BELOVED, BEST BOY.

YES MA’AM OF COURSE MA’AM

1. what does music mean to them? what role does it play in their life? 

he likes it well enough, he’s always enjoyed dancing and is an incurable habitual whistler. the only songs that really have any deep meaning for him are probably the lullabies his mom would sing to him when he was just a lil’ kid, which have been passed down in his family for generations. (he 100% sings them to his own kids when he has them.)

2. if you were to hug them, what would they smell like?

pipe smoke with a hint of lavender. he keeps lavender sachets in all of his clothing drawers and his handkerchiefs all smell like it. his mom grows lavender on her farm so he picks some every time he visits

3. what’s their favorite food?

the simple, rich soup his mom would make in the winter on the rare times they had a bit of meat to spare, but also just soup in general. he’s fond of a good soup.

4. what’s their least favorite food?

porridge. yech. bad memories.

5. do they like nature? if they do, what’s their favorite natural setting (woods, beach, desert, lake, etc.)? 

he likes nature from a distance. he doesn’t like nature if it ruins his clothes. which is most of the time. generally he prefers to stay away from any sort of hiking or camping – he’s a city boy at heart – but he appreciates the beauty of the open fields around his mother’s farm.

6. what’s their most prominent personality trait?

he’s. he’s an idiot. an exceptionally charming, exceptionally kind idiot.

7. what’s their mbti?

jeez idk. i don’t even know my own mbti 

8. hogwarts house? 

probably gryffindor

9. d&d alignment?

neutral good

10. if they were in a modern high school clique (jocks, goths, hipsters, geeks, etc.), what would it be? why?

oof. he would hang out with the delinquents because at that age he was also a delinquent and also just. noticeably poor. he’d generally keep to himself but he’s got a pretty hot temper and i wouldn’t be surprised if he got into fights a lot over shit kids would say.

11. tea or coffee?

both? coffee for the caffeine if he’s working a case, tea for leisure and pleasure

12. dusk or dawn?

dawn. for some reason he strikes me as an early bird. but also the kind of person who stays up all night doing something they’re intensely focused on and getting no sleep? but when he is getting reasonable sleep, he likes to wake up early. he likes the sunrise

13. country or city?

city for sure. he likes his mom’s farm, but he went back to the city after he left the gang for a reason – it stole his heart a long, long time ago and he couldn’t stay away.

14. what do they do in their free time? do they have any hobbies?

al isn’t the kind of person who really has free time – he’s kind of a workaholic when it comes to his job since it’s intensely important to him. that being said, when he does have free time, he likes to read poetry and go see live performances in taverns, things like that. he’s a sap for a good romance story.

15. do they like animals? if they do, which ones?

he likes animals, but he’s terrible at keeping them. i think he had a big ferret in the campaign once that he stole???? no idea what happened to that

16. how are they in platonic relationships?

he has very few of those, considering his devotion to his job and his sketchy past. he’s the kind of person that’s liked by many but truly known by few – he’s outwardly charming and charismatic and a very likable person, but people who’ve known him for years realize frequently that they know next to nothing about him.

17. how are they in romantic relationships?

absolutely doting, sometimes to the point of suffocation for some people. he’s all about giving himself over to the relationship – when he does things he cares about, he puts himself into them totally and completely. he doesn’t halfass anything. he’s also an absolute hopeless romantic and a surprisingly eloquent poet, despite the fact that he’s not very smart, so he likes to shower his partners in little surprises and gifts and thoughtful love letters.

18. do they have any insecurities about themselves?

hoo boy. he considers himself a monster. full stop.

19. what’s their favorite genre of book or movie (if they like to read or watch movies)?

oh romance, hands down.

20. what would their dream vacation look like?

see: his and shaelle’s beach honeymoon tbh

21. how many hours of sleep do they get on average?

oh lord. between insomnia, nightmares, and and all-nighters for work, he is a bad sleeper. at best he gets maybe 2-5 hours; at worst he gets none. luckily he’s an elf, so. i don’t think technically they’re supposed to need to sleep? but fuck it, he needs to recharge SOMEHOW, so i say he needs sleep.

22. what is their body shape? are they trim or tubby? tol or smol?

he’s tall for an elf, about 5′10, 5′11. thin, wiry body with taut, lean muscle. shoulders a bit on the wider side and a trim waist. legs for fucking years, y’all. he hansom.

23. if you had to pick five words/phrases (objects, places, weather, etc.) to describe your oc’s aesthetic, what would you pick?

the curl of smoke from a pipe, a man’s silhouette outlined against a streetlight, the soft, warm ambient chatter and music of a bar, golden cufflinks and a sharply pressed suit, a purple ribbon tied around a roll of parchment with a flourish

24. do they hold onto grudges?

only if the wrongdoing was against someone he cares about 

25. are they fiscally responsible? or would they prefer spending with wild abandon?

having grown up in deep poverty, he tries his best to be frugal with his money. that being said, he is very, very weak to neckties and is absolutely an impulsive spender.

26. what’s their favorite kind of weather?

hot, lazy summer days and soft, mild spring evenings with just the slightest nip to the air

27. how old would they be if they didn’t know how old they are? (e.g., what’s their mental age?) 

oh jeez, that’s hard. he’s been through some fuckin shit. probably like. mid to late forties? or the elf equivalent of that. so a good fifteen to twenty elf years older

28. what’s their opinion of children? how are they around children?

he fucking ADORES children and gets along with them fantastically. he thinks they are incredible, fantastic little creatures and dreams of being a dad.

29. what’s their sexual orientation?

probably pansexual, with a bit of a preference for men, although he ends up marrying a woman.

30. what’s their favorite color?

any and all shades of purple.

31. what temperature would they prefer the room to be?

he runs a bit warm-blooded, so probably in the high sixties, but he’s also not one to pick a fight over the thermostat.

32. how mannered are they? how proper do they act?

he’s very, very lucky he’s so naturally charming. he was able to pick up on things very quickly once he started mingling with higher society, but he still is more inclined to dislike nobles simply because of his upbringing.

33. how do they dress?

very well, for within his budget. he’s a detective, so he’s not rich, but he’s certainly better off than he was as a child. still, he loves clothes and looking good, so he dresses like a gentleman as much as possible. he’s very fashionable.

34. which season do they prefer? why?

summer. lots of good childhood memories associated with it.

35. what is their “morning ritual”?

if he gets the chance to actually sleep through the night, he wakes up, makes himself some tea, washes his face, brushes his teeth, combs and styles his hair, chooses an outfit and puts it on, smokes his pipe and grabs a newspaper on the way out to work. otherwise he does all of that but without the waking up part and with very, very strong coffee instead of tea.

36. what is their “nighttime ritual”? 

on the nights he isn’t working a case into the wee hours of the morning, he takes a bath with a glass of wine and some poetry or a romance novel, then brushes his teeth, changes into his pajamas, and reads in bed until he feels ready to fall asleep.

37. have they ever had a one-sided crush?

no, actually. again, he is remarkably lucky he’s so goddamn charming. usually people he’s interested in tend to be interested right back. whether that goes past the initial mutual attraction is a different story.

38. do they like art? what form?

he’s very fond of music and writing, and admires paintings and illustrations as well

39. how do they read a book (if at all)? slowly, over the course of a few days, or within a few hours? do they sit, stand, lay down, all of the above?

usually he has to do his reading in the brief snippets of free time he can snatch up between work, so it can take him months to finish a fairly short book. he usually reads either in bed or on the loveseat in the living room of his apartment, and frequently falls asleep reading in both.

40. do they have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

oh yep. all sorts of stuff he regrets from his time as a thief/assassin. he’s literally got a whole selection of nightmares that like to replay themselves from night to night.

41. what would be their favorite subject in school? (e.g., English, Math, Science, History, Recess, etc.)?

oh english for sure, he has great appreciation for the written word

42. what physical features do they find attractive on other people?

kalsjdf;adjfklajsdklf idk. he likes shaelle’s hands and hair and neck – he finds them all very elegant and lovely and they’re probably written about in some of the letters he sends her, ngl.

43. are they patient or impatient? what situations would make them feel one or the other?

he’s generally pretty patient, especially when conducting investigations, but he has a very short fuse when it comes to people he perceives as committing an injustice or a wrongdoing. his sense of justice is very strong.

44. what is their opinion of authority?

sometimes it should be respected, other times it shouldn’t. it’s all circumstantial. usually based on whether he agrees with them or not.

45. what is their opinion of tradition?

he doesn’t have much tradition to speak of, other than the bit of elvish culture his mother passed on to him. it’s very important to him because he associates it with her.

46. are they into folklore and/or conspiracy theories? or do they think both are garbage?

he doesn’t really care about them either way, tbh.

47. if they were to have a “happy place” they retreated to in their mind during stressful/boring situations, what would that place be? what would be in it?

a comfortable study space with a crackling fireplace, full bookshelves, and a cozy armchair to read or fall asleep in.

48. what is one value they hold higher than any other, in others and in themselves? (e.g., loyalty, intelligence, compassion, responsibility, etc.)

probably compassion. like i said, he’s got a very strong sense of justice and cares deeply for the wellbeing of others, especially innocents.

49. what is/are their love language(s)?

gifts for sure

50. what is their opinion of cheese?

excellent. he enjoys a good cheese every now and again.

[keikun-jyouhoukyoku]

印象に残ったラップ2016 （sosa以外並び適当です）（2015の曲も混じってるかも）

◎

Chief Keef Ft. Lil Reese & Fredo - We Want War

Chief Keef - Freak

Chief Keef - Outerspace Glo　

Chief Keef - Whoa

Chief Keef - According To My Watch　

HoodRich Pablo Juan Ft. Wicced - I Need Mo　

HoodRich Pablo Juan Ft. Wicced - Slow Mo　

Bricc Baby Ft. 21 Savage & Reese - F It Up　

Cash Out - Extra　

Famous Dex & Carl Phresh - I'm Great　

Lil Uzi Vert Ft. DJ Diamond Kuts - Monee Del Rey　

Playboi Carti Ft. Lil Yachty - Run It　

Stewie ft. Cago Leek - Sideways　

Hillz Fam - GWYM　

Spiiker - Burke N Bag　

King Dre - Go Krazy　

Icewear Vezzo ft. BandGang Biggs & Masoe , BabyFace Ray - I Was　

Young Thug ft. Duke - For My People　

Sauce Walka - Water World　

Young Chop - Just Do Me　

21 Savage & Metro Boomin - Ocean Drive

Future - How it Feel　

Lil Yachty x Gucci Mane - Bentley Coupe

Montana Of 300 x Talley Of 300 - Mf's Mad Part 2　

Mari Grams - Nike　

Koran Streets - Without a High School Diploma　

WNC Carlos x JMM Larry x SOG Sherwood Flame- Cross Me 　

WNC Carlos x Jungle Muzik Larry x Geaux Justin- Bang Out 　

WNC Whop Bezzy x Red x WNC Carlos - Smash Yo Ole Man　

○

Chief Keef - Law & Order　

Chief Keef - Pardon Em　

Chief Keef - Office　

Sauce Walka - That Kid That Did　

Sauce walka Ft. Philthy Rich - Like Nothing　

Sauce Walka - Oh Yeah　

Sosamann - Runnin Thru It Feat. Sauce Walka & Johnny Cinco　

21 Savage & Metro Boomin ft. Future - X　

Dj Scream Ft. 21 Savage, Juicy J & Young Dolph - Lit　

Hoodrich Pablo Juan - Heavy Weight　

Hoodrich Pablo Juan - Dead People　

Famous Dex - Y3@: W#@+　

Rich The Kid x Famous Dex - I'm Cool

Gucci Mane - All My Children　

Gucci Mane ft Lil Wayne - Oh Lord

Breezy Montana ft. Lud Foe - Choppaz　

Breezy Montana - IDK Ya　

Breezy Montana - Brazy　

BandGang Biggs - Camera Phone　

Maine Musk, T.E.C, TaydaSantana, Twinn Loco - Dabbin With That Gang　

Young Thug - Drippin

Dee Potts - Hungry　

Young Nudy - Sweep

Johnny Cinco ft. Lucci - Gotta Stop　

Kap G - Southside　

Mikey Dollaz - Get In My Way　

Pollari - Flip Phone Trappin　

Dice SoHo - Regardless　

ZelooperZ - Elevators　

Ca$h Out ft. Young Sizzle - Heard What I Said　

Tate Kobang ft. BlaqStarr - Nasty Girl 　

KEY NYATA - C.O.T.S outro (going home)　

Bankroll Mafia Ft. Shad Da God, Quavo & Offset - Up One　

Kodak Black - Give it all I Got　

Mackned - Hannin To Me　

OJ Da Juiceman Ft. Chedda Da Connect - Water Whippin　

Mr. 2-17 - This Way　

2 Chainz - Ghetto　

Juicy J - Act　

Ty Money - Rickey Killa (pt:2 of trilogy )

Lucki (Lucki Eck$) - Pop Out/Up　

Don Juan Ft. CosaNostra Kidd - Catch Me　

Twice - Ready　

Cookie Money - Killas　

Bankroll Fresh - Bust It　

Kid Cudi - Frequency　

Jimmy Wopo - Nanana　

Que Almighty - #RippedDatBitch5iv　

BBE AJ Ft. Tadah Gang - T.A.N.B　

Zuse - Bag It Up

Ralo - Not a Rapper

Dae Dae x London On Da Track - Woke Up

B Will Ft. Big Poppa & Mouse - Bouncing To The Right Side

Wicced Feat. B La B - Checcin' Out

TooPlayerMode - Set　

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O13MtmA-16g

[thankguard]

RECAP: OUR TOP 50 AUSTRALIAN HIP-HOP/R&B TRACKS OF 2016

2016 was the year that this scene was finally accepted by mainstream media outlets, played regularly on Triple J and given the opportunity to throw mad rap events at some of the countries’ best live music venues. The number of local rap: artists, releases, managers, parties, radio shows, even blogs exploded too. MANU CROOKS was put on BEATS1 rotation & posted on The FADER. SAMPA THE GREAT racked up over half a million streams on “BLUE BOSS”. BARO blurred cultural/sonic boundaries. TKAY MAIDZA dropped a huge album + landed that KILLER MIKE collab. MIDAS.GOLD, CULT SHOTTA, BIG SKEEZ, I AM D, NICO GHOST & SAVOUR THE RATIONS all dominated live-stages across the country. The GREMLNS, PLAYBACK 808, 1 HUNNID RECORDS & TREXON WAVE showed us the future. These squads are all barely out of high-school, have a strong African heritage and are blowing up against the odds. Almost all of the above was soundtracked by producers: DOPAMINE, MIRACLE, JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS, MITCH GRUANKE & HARVEY who don’t get enough credit. JUNOR launched his AUD$ radio show on SYN which is legit. The PROPHECY BOYZ launched SAUCE - a new brand that will probs do huge things in 2K17. RARE FLOW TV, provided an essential piece-to-the-puzzle, bringing this all to life in quality music videos. Australian rap music is at an all time high. But tbh, it’s going to take another miracle to push it any further. Now that there’s money to be made here, cashed-up copy-cat rappers/labels/magazines/venues with no imagination will find a way to suck the life out of your music for a quick profit. Historically, this has happened many times over, preventing Australians from truly impacting music culture on a global scale. WTF is the diff between us and: Canada, England or America? Terrible artists will succeed if you let them. Donald Trump was elected president. We’re always a stones-throw away from making the next generation of AUS rap fans (and the rest of the world) cringe at us. Question everyone. Even THANK GUARD. Oh, btw. This blog still doesn’t make money. Here’s 50 songs that inspired us to keep hustling in 2016 in between dem long-ass shifts. 50. “VIEWS UP” - NYUON (MELB)

NYUON - an essential character in the MELB rap scene - stretches out the parameters of his sound a little more with each release. “VIEWS UP” saw him lean back towards centre after the experimentally hazy, lilting vibe of his ’15 BYMYSELF tape. With the help of producer ROOKIEPRO he pooled that self-effacing, conscious rap-swagger into his most polished track do-date. 49. “SORROWS” - BLESSED (SYD)

Taking cues from CUDI, UK alternative-pop and their own minds, BLESSED managed to instantly stand out from the rest of the trap-heavy SYD scene last year. Their output in ‘16 was super consistent, and “SORROWS” (our fav) has already amassed over 127K plays on Soundcloud. Early days, but their potential for global appeal is already proven. 48. “I.D.C.A” - 18K (BRIS)

“I.D.C.A” gives you a real wow moment the second those bars come in. 18K’s on that: modern-day BONE,THUGZ & HARMONY/vaguely MIGOS ATL, super-quick flow. His beats are perfect too. Hard hitting, modern trap sounds AND a hint of like CLAMS CASINO cloud-rap as well. 47. “30 DAYS” - DENNIS (MELB)

Mysterious producer/singer DENNIS dropped this one to no reception whatsoever. The mastering isn’t professional, but the song itself and the man’s vocals are world class. You gotta pump the volume ride it to the peak for full-effect fam. Like some new BON IVER shit without the cringe, pretty sure this came out first too. 46. “PRESSURE (ft. JACE XL)” - BILLY DAVIS (MELB)

BILLY DAVIS & JACE XL (RYTHYM SECTION) are both heavily associated with THE OPERATIVES (who monopolised vibes in MELB the last decade). JACE shows off his life-changing soul crooning over some classic BILLY DAVIS instrumentation. This would be a lot higher if it were more relevant to our needs. 45. “NO MORE” - DEEVILLA (SYD)

With this track alone, SYDNEY-based DEEVILLA proved he can write the type of song this scene needs. His flow, lyrics and overall mood on “NO MORE” summed up 2016 perfectly in terms of music & vibe. FLIP TRILL’s production on this one did all the above and more. 44. “RUN UP (ft. FLYBOII & L.U.I)” - LIL SPACELY (SYD)

Got the vibe that BLACK DANNA head honcho SPACELY had a tough 2016. But, being an essential SYDNEY rap-character that he is, the dude still managed to drop some of the livest AUS rap tracks of 2016. On “RUN UP”, he took the chunky, horn-filled instrumental from FAT JOE and REMY MA’s “ALL THE WAY UP”, puffed out his chest, and along with a couple talented homies delivered a growling, arrogant battle track that signalled his readiness to take his music national. He’s already dropped several tracks in ’17. Stay woke. 43. “FIRE” - SQUIDGENINI (MELB)

SQUIDGENINI a.k.a Bella, is one of Melbourne’s better-kept secrets right now. She’s been honing her craft for some time: playing in bands, producing solo tracks and supporting huge artists. “FIRE”, one of her only releases in 2016, instantly put her on our radar. This highly ambitious track features no-bullshit lyrisicm, eccentric production and some straight up vocal-fire. 42. “NAH BRUH, THIS IS WAGE GANG!” - VEENO (SYD)

When BABY VEENO dropped this insane freestyle in October it was criminally over-looked by many (including us). Choosing YOUNG THUG’S timeless “SEE YOU” beat from that G.O.A.T RICH GANG tape proved to us that the man has taste. The ensuing bars instilled visions of VEENO becoming SYDNEY’s trap-SKEPTA in ’17. 41. “CLAP BACK” - SAVOUR THE RATIONS (SYD)

SAVOUR THE RATIONS were one of the most influential, pro-active and entertaining AUSTRALIAN rap crews of 2016 (especially towards the end). KWAME, DOMBA, JAYJAY ASSASSIN, GYBRYLLAH SHYNE & RAJ MAHAL made their biggest moves via videos/live performances. “CLAP BACK” which was dropped on Jan 2nd, 2016 showed the boys doing their ting for their own entertainment. This year they’ll be doing it for thousands no doubt. 40. “BEST FRIEND (YOUNG THUG REMIX)” - BIG SKEEZ (SYD)

This was probably the local track we played most last year. BIG SKEEZ really stood out in ‘16 for his song-writing hustle & originality (highlighted on his S.A.T.T mixtape). Remixing such a familiar, iconic song allowed SKEEZ to let loose in the booth more than ever before, resulting in 3:14 of explosive, feverish trap-fury filled with icy-cold local references/flips. 39. “ALIVE REMIX (ft. BARO & CAZEAUX O.S.L.O)” - ESESE (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a more suitable 2016 MELBOURNE summer-rap anthem than this BARO remix if I tried. It feature local pillars: CAEZEUX O.S.L.O, SKOMES and the ESESE crew - and oozes those heavenly FITZROY day-party vibes. Hearing HENOQ and O.S.L.O both spit new-gen AUS boom-bap masterpieces in rapid succession would’ve brought a tear to the eye of every true BURN-CITY rap-fan this year. 38. “NO MORALS (ft. $KINNY DOM)” - BLACK NAPOLEON (WA)

On “NO MORALS”, BLACK NAPOLEON brought equal parts: slow, deliberate and estatic D double E style booth raps - the kind you’d hear on some UK Pirate radio set to the table. LUCHII, another PERTH-based genius jumped into the mix sounding more like a 6K Gucci, nailing the perfect guest verse. The CAMERON PARK directed-visuals for this one featured no guns, knives or punches thrown, but it still stands as one of the most violent local vids of ’16. #HOMEBAKED. 37. “FUCK THE JUDGE (ft. REMI)” - BARO (MELB)

When BARO dropped the second taste of his soon-TBR JPYNTK tape about 6 months ago, the world was torn in half by the racial violence sweeping the US. It was literally with you everywhere you went, no matter ur skin colour. “FUCK THE JUDGE”, which was released at the very hight of this chaos featured inspired verses from REMI + BARO and was accompanied by the statement: “They're killing my people. They're killing PEOPLE.” The song itself also made another (less important statement) about BARO’s unflinching confidence as a dude/rapper. It was his first absolute crystal clear “fuck u” to industry/fan expectations - a sign that he might be giving the typical AUS rap-sound a much needed kick up-the-butt in 2017. 36. “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” - LORD LEVI (MELB)

When it comes to MELB underground anthems in 2016, LORD LEVI’s “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” is practically unrivalled. The hook, flow and production on this one truly encapsulates the rise of the BURN-CITY outer-suburb high-school trap scene in 2016. LEVI and the GREMLN squad built a dedicated following last year on the back of songs like this. Trek thru any BURN-CITY suburb and “I SEE POTENTIAL” follows u through the streets. 35. “FLEX MODE” - ERIK SANDERS (BRIS)

Brisbane’s ERIK SANDERS blew up out of nowhere last year on the back of several highly-polished, US-influence nu-trap singles. “FLEX MODE” bursts out of the gate with a series of auto-tune inflected bars that twist-and-turn, merging multitudes of impressive melodies in quick succession. This one gets real wild at the end too. 34. “RIDE (ft. REZT)” - LUCHII (WA)

LUCHII has always struck us as an interesting character, but we still slept on the man in ’16. When he dropped “RIDE” like a month ago, we swore to stay woke on the PERTH creative forevermore. This one rides an island trap wave that reminded us of CHILDISH GAMBINO’s “CALIFORNIA” and MAC MILLERS new stuff, but it also hits on something completely new. The vocals reference ATL rhythms/tones AND something else, which MUST have been born in a cloud of green smoke on one of those pristine PERTH beaches. 33. “PULL UP (ft. CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL & RANDOLPH)” - BONKI CHOL (ADEL)

In 2016, the TREXON WAVE squad was our guilty pleasure. We legit found ourselves rinsing their proficiently rugged trap cuts more than CHANCE or FRANK. “PULL UP” is the song that started the whole affair. I remember being high af on a Tuesday at like 2PM about 8 months ago just blasting this enchanting MIGOS-style cut on my speakers for an hour straight. Jut listen to BONKI CHOI and homies: CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL, RANDOLPH bring the sauce one time. They all flaunt separate styles, personalities and lyrical tendencies on this one, but their skills/delivery are at 100 throughout. 32. “HOW U FEEL” - NICO GHOST (MELB)

Close your eyes and “HOW U FEEL” will take you to a dark, nondescript club setting. Smoke settles in over those eerie trap bells - the calm before the storm. That amazing harpsichord removes any sense of time/location. Your mind is finally empty. Nico spits that FB generation mantra: “I couldn’t really give a fuck how you feel”, lulling you into a false sense of security before ruining your life with intensity. NICO’s 2016 was pretty-much dominated by his wild live-show. But in between sets he found the time to gift us with this the premiere for this one. Was a huge step forward for us. The man’s legit. 31. “MONSTER TRUCK” - ALLDAY (MELB)

ALLDAY is huge - has been for years now. In 2016, he went through a bit of a sonic evolution and we fucked with it heavy. “MONSTER TRUCK” is a song that pushed Australian rap to places in the world it rarely reaches. This one features earnest lyrics, euphoric melodies and a skin-tight flow - years of work/experience all coming together. ALLDAY made some serious global waves last year as unique voice in the world of post-OVO rap music. 30. “LIONA” - NASTY MARS (MELB)

On “LIONA”, future-star NASTY MARS took warm, wavy, lo-fi production ripped straight from a SOULECTION cassette and crafted his own rap/soul-experiment around the peaks and flows of the beat. Although, hardly representative of this guy’s unreleased material, live show and overall position in the AUSTRALIAN rap/soul scene - “LIONA” still managed to take on a life of it’s own… just suss the comments. 29. “BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER” - LUTHER (BRIS)

One of BRISBANE’s most charismatic up-and-comers, LUTHER teamed up with AUS production royalty JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS early last year for a YOUNG THUG/LIL WAYNE style cut that blew us away. The production bangs. LUTHER’s wild, warbling trap-jitterings are fierce, crunchy and at times hilarious. Everything you want in a track like this. The dude is associated with the WORLDWIDE BOYS who will blow up this year. 28. “THIRSTY” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

“THIRSTY” came last year amidst a never-ending avalanche of consistently jaw-dropping ANFA ROSE & DOPAMINE joint-efforts. Everything on this one from the samples, to ROSE’s perfectly structured verses - to those 808 snares cutting thru your entire being - to the lyrics enforced our theory that these dudes aren’t human. They are computer programs or clones or holograms or something. 27. “MARIA MARIA” - GEEK, CHARLES X & SELASIE WUSSAH (SYD)

This one - easily top 3 most iconic “THANK GUARD” anthems in our entire history. Seeing it live at one of our BONEY parties inspired some of the most emotional dabs ever dabbed. When it dropped back in Jan, it brought out some of our best writing ever too… so I’m just gonna quote myself here.

“On the most polished THANK GUARD Premiere to-date, a dynamic trio of epileptic acid-rappers exchange contrasting melodic flows - in a bid to win a Spanish bae’s heart.” If you don’t know GEEK, CHARLES X (of CULT SHOTTA) or SELASIE WUSSAH by now we don’t trust u. 26. “1 3 1 6” - E L K (ADL)

Adelaide teen E L K bursted onto the scene with last year with “TUTEN KARMEN”, which would have easily made the top 10 if he didn’t remove it from SC. “1 3 1 6”, a different (but equally impressive) joint also blew us away. This one brings guys like MF DOOM & JAY ELECTRONICA to mind instantly, but channeled thru the purity of a fresh, young mind with the voice of a rap-god. In 2016 alone, E L K and his PLAYBACK 808 crew went from bedroom rappers, to the creators of a legit AUS rap movement that looks poised to climb mountains in 2017. 25. “FEELING GOOD FEELING GREAT” - TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI (WA)

2 months ago, FourAM head-honcho TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI teamed up with producer SNOWEE for a sun-drenched 6K anthem. Some rare RAE SCHREMMURD vibes (if they were slightly more sober). Truly peaks at the end. TOYOTOMI is another young dude whose influence on the culture went beyond rapping last year. From short films, events to supporting those around him - this kid did it all in 2016. 24. “DOPER THAN DOPE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - SK SIMEON (MELB)

One of AUSTRALIA’s best rhythmic-vocalists had a huge 2016. SK SIMEON has been a worldwide reggae force for a minute now. Born in Uganda, recorded his first song at a studio in Dandenong… But last year “DOPE THAN DOPE” - one of his best tracks to-date was remixed by MACHINEDRUM. This version (which sounds good anywhere) took SK’s insane rapid-fire singing and infectious tongue-in-cheek delivery to dance-floors around the world. 23. “NULIFE” - MAIA (BRIS)

BRISBANE neo-neo-soul singer/producer MAÏA returned to form in 2016 with her nostalgic, intimate “LOFI” Mixtape. “NULIFE” - a definite standout will swallow you up whole in a blanket of warm, jazzy melodies and pulsating rimshots. Coming very early in the year, this track really pre-empted a lot of trends that are dominating American music culture as we speak. We predict huge things for MAIA in 2017. 22. “$AUCE” - GREMLNS (MELB)

2016 was the year of the GREMLN in the suburbs of MELB. No other underground AUS rap squad made more of an impact than these guys in the last 12 months. This “SAUCE” video came about after months of anticipation and was defs worth the wait. It showed the GREMSQUAD more polished-than-ever, a bunch of real young talents standing at the crossroads between street-fame and industry acceptance. The video itself is like a cross between an old-school Tarantino movie and a London GRIME vid, but set in some unmistakably murky Burn-city graffiti spots. 21. “BERETTA” - MATT BLACK (SYD)

SYDNEY-based vocalist MATT BLACK exploded out of the blocks last year with a series of MIRACLE/DOPAMINE produced R&B/SOUL singles - the type big labels dream about every night. “BERETTA” is the whole package. A high-concept, slow-burning, futuristic love-song which cleverly compares a lover to a pistol. Two things that (depending on the circumstances) can save you or destroy you, make u feel like a man or a mouse. 20. “EVERYDAY” - DREAM$TEAM (ADEL)

So much love for duo’s with vastly different voices. When you listen to a DREAM$TEAM you got no time for boredom. You’ve got CHARLTON on the first verse who always goes in with this SHAKE070-style flow and A-grade emotionally-charged lyricism, then the other G comes in riding world-class auto-tune vibes that sit somewhere between YACHTY & TRAVI$ SCOTT. The production, which features ZAYTOVEN-style piano, is the opposite of corny… bounces hard & leaves plenty of room for vocals. These guys are insanely talented for their age-bracket. Anythings possible for them in 2017 19. “TENNIES” - TKAY MAIDZA (ADEL)

TKAY MAIDZA, easily one of the most successful artists on this list had a huge 2016. She was spun on SKRILLEX’s OWSLA radio show, played a tonne of festivals in AUS & FRANCE, but most importantly dropped a huge studio album, TKAY, which featured guest verse from KILLER MIKE (Run The Jewels). “TENNIES” was our favourite track from the album, because it combined her signature worldly sugar-rap with some hella uplifting footwork vibes. How often is boundary-pushing music this much fun? 18. “LAPUTA (TAYLOR MCFERRIN REMIX ft. ANDERSON PAAK)” - HIATUS KAIYOTE (MELB)

The one and only MELB-based GRAMMY-nominated future-soul quartet that we probs should have posted by now had to have a presence on this list, at least to show you all what’s possible. Their second album “CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON” is a must listen, but was released waybach in 2015. Last year, TAYLOR MCFERRIN recruited ANDERSON PAAK to rework standout single “LAPUTA” for a remix EP. The results speak for themselves. 17. “PEACEWALKER” - GALLU$, RAIDER KING (BRIS)

GALLU$ was real cult-force down in BRISBANE last year. His influence on the scene transcended his recordings - a huge statement considering the quality of songs like “PEACEWALKER”. This one features some heavy statements screamed with a natural Aussie accent over “GLASSSS” by PYRMDPLAZA. 

“THIS INDUSTRY’S FAKE & THE PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT // THAT SOUNDS PRETTY OBVIOUS // SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? // QUESTIONING MY OWN MUSIC LIKE // EVERY LINE THAT I WRITE // CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL STUPID.” - nuff said. 16. “ALL OF MI LIFE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - YAW FASO (MELB)

2016 was a year where artists like POPCAAN & J HUS were getting love on THE FADER + DRAKE/BIEBER/SKRILLEX were jacking sounds from the Caribbean and breaking billboard records. When our own YAW FASO shared this MACHINEDRUM remix of his sun-drenched single “ALL OF MI LIFE” the timing was perfect, but as the hook declares, he wasn’t riding any trends. Reggae is one of the few genres that makes you smile, dance and forget about all your issues. This song, bursting with: FASO’s highly motivational reggae mantras, sugary buildups and super-refreshing production does all the above. 15. “IDK” - GILL BATES (BRIS)

With his LESS STRESS, MORE SUCCESS EP, GILL BATES showed a whole new side of himself to the world in 2016. Standout cut “IDK” took the catchier side of AUS rap into unknown territory: substance & self-awareness. Above all tho, it’s just a great song. That larger-than-life JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS production grabs you from 0:01… GILL’s opening line “BEEN DROWNING MY SORROWS // BOTTLE AFTER BOTTLE” takes you into his psyche… Then GILL & JAMES drag you deeper and deeper into darkness before flipping things with a bittersweet xylophone-driven hook. A world-class highlight from one of the best local releases in 2016. 14. “NEVER BEEN” - TYRØNE (SYD)

In the last 12 months, few local artists worked harder than TYRØNE. The SYDNEY rapper/producer legit dropped a full EP Trilogy, brimming with GOAT Australian rap lyricism. Song, after song the guy managed to craft a unique aesthetic for himself and his music – darkness that isn’t fake. “NEVER BEEN”, a real standout encapsulates this dedication to his craft more than any other. That skin-tight baritone flow just doesn’t stop on this one. “I SAY LIFE IS EVERYTHING YOU MAKE IT // ONE THING DAMN RIGHT I AIN’T NEVER BEEN FAKE BITCH” 13. “HIT EM” - I AM D (BRIS)

BRISBANE one-man-movement I AM D flew way under our radar until we heard this one. “HIT EM” showcased D’s near iconic nu-AUSSIE rap tone, through a stream of SKEPTA-like vocal punches that explained every move he would make in the local scene. Little did we know at the time, but he actually went on to achieve everything he rapped on this track. In a matter of months after its release: he got signed to a major label, dropped a hugely successful EP, landed a national tour and stamped his influence on the local culture. 12. “NO FATIGUE (ft. GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH)” - CULT SHØTTA (SYD)

The video for “NO FATIGUE” really set the tone for CULT SHØTTA season in 2016. They were always a truly unique presence in the Australian rap game, but on this track, they toned things down, unleashing line-after-line of vibrant acid-raps over a relatively sparse bass-driven trap beat. As per usual, CHARLES X, GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH each brought their A-game, showing off vastly different styles/personas, each challenging different “AUSTRALIAN RAP” taboos in the process. It also marked the beginning of director RUFFY’s much-needed string of ambitious video-work that helped elevate many-a local rapper last year. 11. “FOR GOOD (ft. SAMPA THE GREAT)” - REMI (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a better ’16 feel-good Aus-rap summer anthem than REMI and SAMPA’s “FOR GOOD” if I tried. When your air-con breaks on a 35 degree day, this song could actually save ur life. The production, hook and overall vibe really feels like a classic Triple J anthem, the type that soundtracked our lives. But, obviously everything has been re-worked for the next-generation, creating a crisper, more sonically diverse hit than we’re used to. 10. “EXISTENTIALITY” - OJIKAE (MELB)

“EXISTENTIALITY” is a lovesick vision that’s refreshingly different from the over-saturated BILLBOARD TOP 100-style R&B that the likes of TORY LANEZ and BRYSON TILLER put out. It was also the very first track released by 17 y.o VCE student Matt Cicero, which blew us away immediately last JULY. The guy wrote something original, produced the track himself and whipped out a spine-tingling vocal performance that singlehandedly dragged his ass all the way to the top 10 of this list. 9. “ASSUMPTIONS” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“ASSUMPTIONS” was premiered on ZANE LOWE’s BEATS1RADIO show… got our mag a global shoutout AND tore stages apart across the country in 2016. We heard more sides of Sydney game-changer MANU CROOKS than ever before on this one. With help from production masterminds DOPAMINE & MIRACLE, CROOKS departed from them brooding Toronto vibes to show Australia & the world that he can can TURN UP like the best of them. 8. “CALL ME” - DEVARN (MELB)

This song is what THANK GUARD is all about. Sonically, it’s right up our alley… but more importantly it came from a creative young dude who: thinks for himself and punches well-above his weight considering the resources/money some people on this list have at their disposal. It also tells a story we have witnessed for years now…

“ALL OF MY N*GGAS THEY WORK IN THE SUN // WAITING FOR LABELS TO HIT UP THEY PHONE // I WANT SOME MONEY TO GET ME A PHONE” Few rappers can get you on their side like Melbourne’s DEVARN. His vocals are earnest, intimate - when he raps, it feels like he’s letting you into his world. He doesn’t slur his words, or smother them in auto-tune either - you can hear every word the man is saying. Also, huge props for referencing some of our fav underground anthems >> SAUCE (GREMLNS) >> MOOSHAMAD // I HAD A DREAM WE GON’ MAKE IT. Damn. 7. “000000” - MIDAS.GOLD (BRIS)

Last year, Brisbane’s MIDAS.GOLD elevated himself to the Mount Rushmore of this new-wave. Of all the wild trap releases & intimate soul-searching cuts on his huge FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH EP, “000000” had the biggest impact on the scene. It dropped all the way back in JANUARY when local rappers were all bumping FUTURE & YOUNG THUG 24/7, but still didn’t truly believe that an Aussie could incorporate these sounds into their music so convincingly. MIDAS truly made this quality JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS/MO LIASON beat his bitch from 0:01, before abruptly taking the track down a notch in its last third, flipping the beat and creating a Schoolboy Q-esque bleary-eyed, kushed-out vibe that eased the track out from its original energy. 6. “WHIP IT” - BIG SKEEZ

We’ve been huge supporters of BIG SKEEZ for a long time. Every track he dropped in 2016 wreaked of originality in both vision and character. SKEEZ, a dude climbing his way up a ladder of: elegant email signatures, cut-throat managers and concrete industry rules, often collaborated with us thru a simple fb message - or just bumping into him in the city. This made us question the likelihood of his success to some extent, but when this video for “WHIP IT” dropped, it turned all our dreams into a reality. The WAVY BADMON, along with his SYDNEY crew absolutely owned the big screen, turning up like a pro to one of the standout tracks from his under-rated debut mixtape. Seeing this whole evolution transpire before our very eyes gave this CERNE STUDIOS production a real sentimental value for the whole THANK GUARD team. 5. “ABSURD” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

ANFA ROSE and DOPAMINE’S magnum opus will make you cry like a Canadian watching Drake sing the national anthem. The silky smooth, “Absurd” is a beautifully executed blend of 808s, pianos and harmonies. When it comes to polish, no local track released in 2016 comes close to this one. DOPAMINE stripped back that instrumental, focusing on an ethereal and ominous beat with a chordal pattern that slides effortlessly from note to note. ROSE’s delicate melodies fuse perfectly with the instrumental and his lyrics, which are reminiscent of DRAKE’s odes to RIHANNA, or THE WEEKND’s odes to drugs. 4. “RUN IT (ft. LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH)” - MIKE WANG (MELB)

When low-key GREMLN MICHAEL WANG dropped this fire squad track all borders between Australia & America went up in flames. The MELBOURNE underground literally outshone the AUSTRALIAN i-Tunes charts. Nothing would make sense ever again. In terms of flow, lyricism and local impact… this was without a doubt one of the best Australian rap tracks released in 2016. WANG, LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH came out, guns blazing with their own jaw-dropping take on that MIGOS-style flow (and this was all before “BAD & BOUJEE” blew up). That little OVO-style hook/breakdown “I GOT BANDS…” really added a whole other dimension to the song too. Don’t even get me started on the message behind these lyrics and their relevancy to our scene, the city of MELBOURNE and the racial/cultural tensions often overlooked by most Australians. 3. “BLOWIN’ UP (ft. MIRACLE)” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“BLOWIN UP” was MANU CROOKS flipping the switch and making a statement: his rise to success is about much more than bangerz. Being able to rap and record full-time is any local rapper’s dream and seeing the SYDNEY rapper get premiered on The FADER must have motivated thousands of Australian teenagers to keep hustling in 2016. Honestly, didn’t think someone from this new AUS rap-scene would make the pages of a mag like The FADER for at least another year. That stamp of approval means a lot. Manu’s tuned-up, magnetically charismatic vocals definitely stole the show on this one…Dude just seems to know exactly what to rap and when. But, none of this would have been possible without his equally talented bros: DOPAMINE & MIRACLE who both shined, bright as ever on this one. 
DOPAMINE always knows just the right amount of syrupy autotune to sprinkle over his mates vocals & this beat speaks for itself. MIRACLE’S production and vocals contributions always help bring a track to the next-level. All 3 of these guys will no-doubt make even more Australian-rap history in 2017. 2. “WDUBI (ft. NASTY MARS & MARCUS)” - BARO (MELB)

When the mind of a black sheep is re-configured to entertain the mindless masses, an artist has reached their final frontier. BARO (NASTY MARS & MARCUS) did this last year with “WDUBI” - the first taste from his eagerly-awaited JPYNTK tape. On first encounter, it plays as the perfect Australian new-gen rap jam. But on further inspection, everything about it: the production, vocal stylings and somber sonic undertones expose it for the beautiful alien it really is. All three verses loosely acknowledge US 2K16 rap (CHANCE, GAMBINO etc), but overall this track really does’t follow the rules set by the American market at all - which is why we love it so much. That NIC MARTIN production plays a huge roll in this also. Something about those double-timed snares/claps and the tempo made this one feel so damn refreshing. We really played the fuck out of this one last year. THANK GUARD. Oh btw “AND IF WE HAVE A SON I THINK WE’LL NAME HIM STEVEN” - line O.T.Y 1. “BLUE BOSS” - SAMPA THE GREAT (SYD)

LMAO. In 2016, a lot of local bro’s hyped their shit like crazy. Walking around like the TUPAC reincarnate, talking smack online & sharing videos on FB 10 times a day… and SAMPA THE GREAT quietly drops a song that makes them all look foolish, raising her to instant-legend status. SAMPA is emotionally mature, intellectually elegant, socially conscious. Her words can fight wars or comfort a child. She is the type of person you’d want running for president, let alone running the local rap scene. “BLUE BOSS” is like a world-class 2K16 surprise rap-hit, but also feels timeless. Unlike kindred spirits NONAME & KAMAIYAH, SAMPA keeps her production and overall-vibe as earthy as possible, creating her own unique place in the rap-world. Considering the desperate need for more female rappers in this country, the quality of SAMPA’s vocals and her all-too-rare modest demeanour, we had to give “BLUE BOSS” the #1 spot. Posted by PAULINE HANSON

[muzikreviewz]

My Favorite Tracks of the Decade (2010s) [PART 3]

“Some thoughts will making this list: I am kinda sad that i cant fit more songs in this upper top part, cause i loved so many, and it’s really hard to decide which one is better, cause it’s really all details by deciding which one is really the better one, sometimes. Making a big list like this really goes by feeling and gut instinct only in my case. Hope you enjoy the list!!!”

1. Kanye West - Runaway

2. Tame Impala - Alter Ego

3. Queens Of The Stone Age - I Appear Missing

4. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs

5. Beach House - Myth

6. Tyler, The Creator - 911 / Mr. Lonely

7. Sufjan Stevens - Fourth of July

8. Jai Paul - Jasmine

9. Toro y Moi - Blessa

10. Julia Holter - Feel You

11. Neon Indian - Slumlord

12. Liars - Left Speaker Blown

13. Death Grips - Thru the Walls

14. PJ Harvey - England

15. Vampire Weekend - Hannah Hunt

16. The Knife - A Tooth For An Eye

17. Ariel Pink - Not Enough Violence

18. Joey Bada$$ - Waves

19. Deafheaven - Dream House

20. MGMT - Me and Michael

21. Todd Terje - Inspector Norse

22. FKA twigs - Lights On

23. Danny Brown - Ain't It Funny

24. MACINTOSH PLUS - ブート

25. Oneohtrix Point Never - Nassau

26. The Weeknd - The Morning

27. Gorillaz - On Melancholy Hill

28. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell

29. Future - March Madness

30. LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean

31. Yves Tumor - Economy of Freedom

32. Grouper - Alien Observer

33. John Maus - Believer

34. Taylor Swift - Style

35. Jeff Rosenstock - 9/10

36. Jamie XX - Sleep Sound

37. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Round and Round

38. Crystal Castles - Celestica

39. Chromatics - Kill For Love

40. Women - Penal Colony

41. Fleet Foxes - Montezuma

42. Prurient - Dragonflies To Sew You Up

43. Swans - A Little God in My Hands

44. Chance The Rapper - Acid Rain

45. Thom Yorke - Dawn Chorus

46. Deerhunter - He Would Have Laughed

47. The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio

48. Girls - Alex

49. Destroyer - Chinatown

50. David Bowie - I Can't Give Everything Away

51. Rich Gang - Flava

52. King Krule - La Lune

53. Andy Stott - Passed Me By

54. Angel Olsen - Lark

55. Planning For Burial - Whiskey and Wine

56. Liturgy - Quetzalcoatl

57. A$AP Rocky - Peso

58. Converge - Aimless Arrow

59. Dean Blunt - 50 Cent

60. St. Vincent - Neutered Fruit

61. Shabazz Palaces - Are you…Can you…Were you? (Felt)

62. The War On Drugs - Thinking Of A Place

63. Real Estate - All The Same

64. Saint Pepsi - Better

65. Alex G - After Ur Gone

66. Grimes - Kill V. Maim

67. Bon Iver - 33 God

68. Brand New - Out of Mana

69. Kendrick Lamar - Swimming Pools (Drank)

70. Iceage - Forever

71. Arca - Mutant

72. A$AP Ferg - Cocaine Castle

73. Snail Mail - Pristine

74. Sigur Rós - Isjaki

75. Mac Demarco - Freaking Out the Neighborhood

76. Lorde - Green Light

77. Sampha - (No One Knows Me) Like The Piano

78. Travis Scott - Oh My Dis Side

79. Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away with Me

80. Gil Scott-Heron - Me And The Devil

81.  Frank Ocean - Novacane

82. Caribou - Odessa

83. Lupe Fiasco - Mural

84. Sun Kil Moon - Carissa

85. Vince Staples - Summertime

86. DIIV - Human

87. Mount Kimbie - Carbonated

88. Daughters - City Song

89. Cymbals Eat Guitars - Warning

90. Car Seat Headrest - Fill in the Blank

91. Deftones - Romantic Dreams

92. Pusha T - King Push

93. Kero Kero Bonito - Trampoline

94. Natalie Prass - Your Fool

95. Viet Cong - Newspaper Spoons

96. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Symptom of Terminal Illness

97. Lil Peep - Star Shopping

98. Erykah Badu - Window Seat

99. Trippie Redd - Love Scars/ You Hurt Me

100. Big Boi - Shutterbugg

[usuallyrics-blog]

Kill My Dawg

New Lyrics has been published on usuallyrics.com https://usuallyrics.com/lyrics/kill-my-dawg/

Kill My Dawg

Scottie Pippen, I run with that rock like John Wall Fuck the system I done did time sittin’ behind that wall Niggas fake, think they plottin’ on me, I’ma kill ’em all 2Pac, forgive me if my nigga play then I’ma kill my dawg Thug life, bandanna on the clip like [?] Wild life, from cross the track I know you know them boys Might die tonight, so I ride round clutchin’ on my rod That soldier life, this for them niggas sittin’ behind them bars Know niggas wanna stretch me, I need God to help me Forever steppin’ livin reckless 18 and a felon Want you for to come test me, I heard these niggas tellin’ Pray to the devil Lord forgive me if I gotta stretch ’em Know there’s some blood in the air all day I smell it Preach to them yungins in the ghetto like I be the reverend Mr. Walk Like Jordan, R.I.P the yungin’ I’ma send a message I’ma kill his boy, then tell his partner that that’s just a reference Demons out at night, you want your life better keep a gun Steppin’ wrong or right you pay the price comin’ where I’m from Bitch it’s me or you that’s on my soul I’ll never run We make ’em shed blood and tears when it’s all done Load up with them K’s hop out and spray, screaming out “why Dave?” Ain’t no turning back this what it is, Lil Boo up in the grave Play and you get killed that’s on my momma speakin’ on my name Bitch I’m bout that drama if it’s a problem I’ma bust his brain I heard these niggas want it, killed him he just wanted money Kobe thought it was funny, whooped him me and my lil homies Say I wouldn’t amount to nothing, bitch I came up on sumn, they ain’t won’t give me nun I’m rich and I’m forever stuntin’ Reach and try to take what I done earned I’m takin’ off yo arm Bitch you must ain’t heard these bullets burn, nigga you been warned Do anything for fame, say lil nigga you better learn to wait yo turn Put you on the news and I hope that shit there make you learn BRPD tryna connect me on some bodies Gang violence, racketeering forever bitch I’m never stoppin’ You got me bent, they got me fucked up if you think I ain’t gon’ pop it Love or lust bitch that’s a must if you play round with my partner For that money yungin’ willing for to step on whoever He feelin’ like God ain’t been answerin’ so he pray to the He moving wrong but he really thinkin’ that he too clever Meechie took 40yrs cause he strangled descendants You can’t win for losing in this street life, clutch on yo burner all that night don’t think bout losing yo life This life I’m living death or jail, man I swear it ain’t right Change up on you take yo money, I can say that I might

Who is NBA YoungBoy

He was born on October 20, 1999 in Louisiana, USA. He known professionally as YoungBoy Never Broke Again or NBA YoungBoy. He is an American rapper, singer and songwriter. He is best known for his song “Outside Today” which has peaked at number 31 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

[theconservativebrief]

Culture, especially popular culture, always has some relation to the conditions that surround it, and these days, there is no shortage of music that reflects our economic reality.

But that reflection isn’t always quite what you’d expect. During the Great Depression, which saw widespread homelessness and US unemployment reaching 25 percent, popular films showed the very rich drinking cocktails in formal dress; cheery songs like “Pennies From Heaven” charted. And in the post-2008 decade of recession, instability, and income inequality, blockbuster acts spent a lot of time telling us the incredible time they were having.

The real story of the past decade has been harder to hear. A decade ago, as some Americans remember all too well, the US economy began to crumble, and took the rest of the world’s markets along with it. First housing prices started to slide, revealing a nation caught in a deflating real estate bubble. Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers came next.

The cascade of damage was worldwide, but it took on an especially fierce pitch in the world’s largest economy: Beginning in late 2008, the US was losing more than half a million jobs a month. By 2009, the Great Recession’s first full year, national unemployment reached 15 million people, or 10 percent — the first double-digit rate since the early 1980s. Trillions of dollars of wealth disappeared from the economy, and 4 million Americans lost their homes in just two years.

Meanwhile, the nation’s biggest songs in the year after the crash were numbers by Flo Rida, Chris Brown, and Coldplay that had little to do with economic strain. It takes any cultural form — movies, books, visual art, whatever — months, sometimes years, to respond to social, political, or economic change. But pop music has less lag time than most other genres.

(In previous centuries, folk songs about hangings or train crashes could appear almost instantly. And it wasn’t for nothing that Public Enemy’s Chuck D once called hip-hop black America’s CNN.)

By the end of 2009, though, the biggest-selling singles were songs like Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind,” Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance,” and various party-hearty numbers by the Black Eyed Peas. And so it went, into the teeth of the recession.

Lady Gaga performs “Bad Romance” during the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards on September 13, 2009. Christopher Polk/Getty Images

Popular music, of course, becomes popular partly because it takes people away from their lives. Be it the blandness of affluence or the pain of personal difficulty, there has always been an element of aspiration and fantasy to popular culture.

But from Woody Guthrie singing about the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression’s devastations in the 1930s to rock and soul bands of the ’60s and ’70s writing about war and civil rights to British punks shouting about unemployment and the working class to rappers spitting about injustice and racism, popular music has always also delivered social critique — much of the time including economic issues.

What we see in the decade following the 2008 stock market crash, though, is a relatively tame popular music world in which best-selling artists and left-of-the-dial “alternative” musicians share an apparent lack of interest in the nation’s economic state.

“Most people in the mainstream music world — whether it’s pop, indie, or country — don’t want to offend any of their fans,” says Margo Price, a country singer-songwriter who has been outspoken about economic structures. “Their big labels don’t want them to, either.”

After the pain of the ’08 crash, the nation experienced an economic recovery that shifted a massive amount of income from the poor and middle class to the very rich. The big banks got bigger; huge bonuses returned. Just two years after the crash, the nation’s Gini coefficient, the standard measure of wealth distribution, was at 46.9, making the US among the most unequal of modern democracies.

We can call the past 10 years the decade of inequality. So what, then, does the music of inequality sound like?

Part of the paradox here is simply that monetary wealth gives musicians — at least, the tiny minority experiencing material bounty — something to sing about.

Musicians are not unique here: In the years since the Reagan administration, a reveling in what used to be called heartless materialism has become de rigueur. (The shift in personal style from an old-school rich man like Warren Buffett, who made his early fortune in the 1950s, to Donald Trump, a product of the gilded ’80s, is hard to miss.)

Artists singing about how much wealth they had accrued fit cleanly into a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous culture. The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Marvin Gaye were filthy rich, but it’s hard to imagine them crooning about their money and mansions. Nor can we imagine Joni Mitchell, Patti Smith, or Liz Phair posing in a bath of diamonds, as Taylor Swift does in the 2017 video for “Look What You Made Me Do.”

Many of the songs about luxurious possessions and lavish lifestyles — the sonic equivalent of Keeping Up With the Kardashians — are the descendants of “Mo Money Mo Problems,” the 1997 Notorious B.I.G. song. But in many cases, there seem to be no serious problems besides having too many women or possessions to choose from.

Notorious B.I.G. performs at the Riviera Theatre in Chicago in September 1994. Raymond Boyd/Getty Images

“When inequality is high, it’s driven by the superrich, because [the poor] can’t go lower than zero,” says Keith Payne, a University of North Carolina psychology professor and author of The Broken Ladder, a recent book on wealth disparity. “People feel poorer but aspire to higher standards. This leads to a risk-taking kind of life: People are more likely to gamble, play the odds, use drugs or drink, commit crimes. It also orients people to the very wealthy as opposed to the poor.”

These are the classic tropes of hip-hop, a musical style that, Payne points out, surged in ubiquity in the same years as the rise in inequality. A mixtape of conspicuous consumption and runaway consumerism could be assembled from songs like Post Malone and Ty Dolla Sign’s “Psycho” (“got diamonds by the boatload!”), Lil Uzi Vert’s “Money Longer” (“money got longer, speaker got louder, car got faster”), and Lil Pump’s “Gucci Gang” (“Spend 10 racks on a new chain / My bitch love do cocaine.”)

The style became so ubiquitous that the satirical trio the Lonely Island parodied the genre of gold-plated gloat with “I’m on a Boat,” a 2009 rap song featuring T-Pain that makes “yacht rock” numbers like Christopher Cross’s 1980 hit “Sailing” look modest and egalitarian.

More cutting is Lorde’s 2013 song “Royals,” which seems to be aware of how mismatched the music is to the times: “But every song’s like gold teeth, Grey Goose, trippin’ in the bathroom / Bloodstains, ball gowns, trashin’ the hotel room / We don’t care, we’re driving Cadillacs in our dreams …”

Lorde performs “Royals” onstage for the 56th Grammy Awards on January 26, 2014. Frederic J. Brown/AFP/Getty Images

Part of what looking across the genres shows you is that the big-selling, celebrity-driven mainstream of just about every style of music offers very little social or economic critique. If that’s what you’re looking for, look to the edges.

Mainstream country music, a genre rooted in the rural red-state South, is no stranger to poverty or songs about risk-taking. But it very rarely deals with inequality, says Payne, a native of Kentucky. “The only economic theme is, ‘We grew up poor, but we didn’t know it at the time, and now we’ve got everything we need.’ That’s the theme of countless country songs,” he says.

The country songwriters interested in exploring economics more assertively don’t find a receptive industry, whether radio, country labels, or other gatekeepers. “They are so scared of coming out on an issue that offends Trump America,” says R.J. Smith, a music journalist and author of a recent biography of photographer Robert Frank. What you get, instead, is “good short story-ish songwriting about how people are living, but with little sense of why poverty happened.”

To the extent that there’s been a consistent protest, it comes, curiously, from the fringes of country. Despite its recent political and cultural conservatism, country has been the music of the poor and working class since the days of Jimmie Rodgers and the Carter Family. And the alt-country movement, which has co-opted the folk tradition, continued the grit and social criticism of the old days after the big-hatted mainstream moved into formula and political reaction.

This has led to what we could call empathy songs and plutocrat songs: The empathy song looks at the plight of someone crushed under the economic wheel, sometimes speaking in his or her voice; the plutocrat song is typically more overtly political, targeting the damage done by the very rich.

Honorary Americana artist Billy Bragg (who is British but has made several albums of Woody Guthrie’s music with alt-country pioneers Wilco) began performing Guthrie’s “I Ain’t Got No Home” after the ’08 crash. (The song is explicitly class-based, describing a “rich man [who] took my home and drove me from my door.”)

And Margo Price’s songs are among the strongest economic critiques post-Great Recession: Numbers like “Pay Gap,” “About to Find Out,” and “All American Made” (“And I wonder if the president gets much sleep at night / And if the folks on welfare are making it all right”) sometimes combine feminism with scenes from the class struggle.

Veteran singer-songwriter Loudon Wainwright III worked in a vaguely country-folk tradition with his 2010 album, 10 Songs For the New Depression. The songs alternated from despairing to lighthearted (the number “House” is both), and name-check Alan Greenspan and John Maynard Keynes. (One cheeky number is called “The Krugman Blues.”) Peter Himmelman’s “Rich Men Rule the World” is a brutal song in the same vein.

Loudon Wainwright III performs in Copenhagen in December 1976. Jorgen Angel/Redferns via Getty Images

Two classics from the edges of country actually predate the Great Recession, perhaps because the rural South never quite caught the postwar boom like the rest of the nation did. James McMurtry’s “We Can’t Make It Here,” from 2005, tells of a struggling, wounded Vietnam veteran, empty storefronts, a failing bar, and the pinch of a stagnant minimum wage. (The novelistic vision is appropriate for the son of Lonesome Dove author Larry McMurtry.) And while their most recent album is more about race and politics in general, Drive-By Truckers’ 2005 album, The Dirty South, is a forceful look at American poverty and inequality, highlighted by the song “Puttin’ People on the Moon.”

“In our hometown,” Drive-By Truckers leader Patterson Hood says of Florence, Alabama, “the economy collapsed in the early ’80s: During the so-called Reagan boom years, we were like Flint, Michigan. They closed the Ford plant, and there was a domino effect.”

Along with the songs of the late Merle Haggard, Bruce Springsteen’s work serves as a template for bands like the Truckers. The Boss has written some of the best work about the way economics shapes and limits lives — songs like “My Hometown” and the Dust Bowl-inspired Ghost of Tom Joad LP. He has not quite matched these since; his energies have largely been elsewhere. But the 2012 Wrecking Ball LP, with songs like “We Take Care of Our Own” and the Wall Street-dissing “Death to My Hometown,” is a solid stab at addressing what much of the country has been through.

And while the late, great soul musician Charles Bradley largely sang about racism and his personal travails, his “Why Is It So Hard,” from 2011, may be the single most emotionally powerful recent song about poverty and income inequality.

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Hip-hop, too, gets more political and anti-capitalist around the edges. The Coup, the Oakland hip-hop group led by Boots Riley, released a 2012 album called Sorry to Bother You, which would eventually lend its name to the new breakout movie. The album takes a far-left stance on issues of economics and inequality, heavily informed by Riley’s communist beliefs, with songs like “Strange Arithmetic” (“Economics is the symphony of hunger and theft / Mortar shells often echo out the cashing of checks / In geography class, it’s borders, mountains, and rivers / But they will never show the line between the takers and givers”) and “WAVIP” (“I am with the people on the bottom, fella / We gonna riot, loot, rob till we rich as Rockefeller”).

Meanwhile, much of mainstream hip-hop went from fierce anti-racist politics, decades ago, to celebrations of hedonism. Music historian Robert Fink of UCLA points out that in the years after the stock market crash, the nation experienced its first black president, who was widely popular, especially with black people. When Obama was replaced with a man with a reputation for antagonizing black people, alongside a rash of police killings of young African-American men, politically minded hip-hop and R&B artists increasingly focused their attention on Black Lives Matter and related movements, rather than economics.

“I can’t think of a single hip-hop song about people getting subprime mortgages or that kind of thing,” Fink says.

“There is very little in the mainstream music business about economic hardship,” says music historian Ted Gioia. “Are Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift trying to shake things up?” Some artists sing about race and gender, he says, but economics has largely been overlooked in the slick and commercial pop mainstream.

Gioia characterizes the lip service the music industry pays to social issues as a decades-old problem: MTV and the rest of the business largely slept through the AIDS crisis in the 1980s; this time, Gioia says, economic inequality has become the forgotten issue.

But some artists have made an end run around these forces.

One of the most realized looks at the Great Recession and its discontents may not be a political piece of hip-hop or an angry piece of outlaw country, but rather a musical. Hadestown was an off-Broadway “folk opera” in 2016, relocating the story of Orpheus and Eurydice in a post-apocalyptic Great Depression with a wink toward the present. It’s based on an album by folk singer Anais Mitchell that includes contributions from Ani DiFranco, the Haden Triplets, and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon.

Finally, there was a four-disc compilation in 2012 called Occupy This Album: 99 Songs for the 99 Percent. The styles and quality range quite widely, from Michael Moore singing Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin’” to songs by Yoko Ono, Toots and the Maytals, and Nancy Griffith. (The video for “United Tribes,” a song by Thievery Corporation with rapper Mr. Lif, captures the energy of the movement it emerged from.) Still, it’s hard to miss that many of the songs are old, or only obliquely related to Occupy itself.

One reason songs about the recession and inequality are hard to find may be psychological. The Brooklyn musician Pauline Pisano lost her job as a web designer when the recession hit, and has struggled financially since. But it wasn’t until an NYU course and an exposure to the books of David Graeber that she focused on economic matters and the corrosive effects of debt. (“I feel like the people who cheated won,” she says now. “And for the people who played by the rules, the rules changed.”) She’s since led a musical tour of the South talking to people across the political spectrum about the subject, and her work has been politically energized.

“I was hit by the recession very heavily — why didn’t I put that in my art?” Pisano asks. “Maybe I thought, ‘This is just the way things are.’”

As crucial an issue and as destructive a force as inequality is, it’s not a natural driver for songwriting. “Inequality is the ultimate abstraction,” says Keith Payne. “Art is not typically about abstractions — it tends to be about concrete images. Inequality is neither wealth nor poverty, but the distribution of resources. And who wants to sing about that?”

One glaring irony here is that the past decade has also seen the vast majority of musicians struggling even more than they did previously: The collapse of the sale of recordings has made most of them all too aware of income inequality, especially when they compare themselves to one-percenters of the past (the Eagles) or present (Lady Gaga).

Alan Krueger, President Barack Obama’s chief economist, gave an important speech about the way the winner-take-all economy devastated many rock musicians in 2012, and there are few signs that the musical middle class has been restored.

The larger issue here — the lack of genuinely popular songs about the biggest economic event since 1929 — is pop culture’s claims of being a democratic art. What if popular music does not really express and describe what the mass of Americans is experiencing? And in an era when the phrase “check your privilege” has become commonplace, does it matter if the biggest hits are being made, in many cases, by fantastically privileged people?

Taylor Swift, for instance, comes from a long line of bank presidents; her father relocated to Merrill Lynch’s Nashville office and later bought a share of a record label to help her career. (See also “Uptown Funk” producer Mark Ronson, from one of Britain’s wealthiest families.)

”If it becomes clear that our popular culture is a rich kids’ project, it loses its legitimacy,” UCLA’s Fink says. “Even more than in Britain, we have Horatio Alger pretensions here.” Once we get a sense that our popular culture is the preserve of the very rich, it’s not quite “popular” in the democratic way we typically use the term.

But it also may be that the unpopularity of a president who himself comes from the plutocrat class will finally focus musicians and their handlers on inequality and other pressing issues. “I think that we are living in a very dangerous time,” says Price. “People as a whole are distracted by social media, celebrities, unattainable wealth.”

But things can change, and Price believes they might: “We’re in a turning point right now, and musicians and visual artists have a chance to move mountains with their words. If they would only use them.”

This article was supported by the Economic Hardship Reporting Project.

Original Source -> How music has responded to a decade of economic inequality

via The Conservative Brief

[soyoureviewhiphoptoo]

Soundtrack of the Week 24/08/2017

It is time for the Soundtrack of the Week, the SYRHHT blog segment where I discuss latest music releases and other projects that I listen to over the space of 7 days. So, here is the Soundtrack!

ALBUM (EP)

Dave East- Paranoia: A True Story Released: August 18, 2017 Label: Def Jam Recordings and Mass Appeal Records

As I have made very clear on this blog, Dave East has become one of my favourite rappers in the new age of hip hop (he has just overtaken Vince Staples as the artist who has been given the most mentions on a Soundtrack with 3 individual entries). Following the release of his acclaimed mixtape Kairi Chanel last year, Dave East gives us Paranoia: A True Story, an EP that acts as a prelude to his debut studio album for Def Jam. As prelude EPs go, I was worried that this would be a similar situation to Vic Mensa’s Manuscript which only had four songs to act as a prelude to his debut album The Autobiography (two projects I do want to hear but have yet to). Interestingly, even with three skits and one interlude, Paranoia is still quite stacked with nine songs to warm us up for the pending album.

Once you overlook the four aforementioned filler tracks, Dave East shows off once again what has gotten him this far; raw lyricism and vivid storytelling. Setting the scene with the opening track Paranoia, Dave illustrates the mindset he has become accustomed to; paranoia over the people around him as they might be trying to steal from him or see to it that he ends up in prison. In the life he leads on the streets or even as an up-and-coming artist, it is hard to see who to trust and it is easy to become paranoid. The feeling of paranoia is further explored on standout songs The Hated  (which illustrates the story of 2 drug dealers) and Phone Jumpin’ (which features Wiz Khalifa and samples Busta Rhymes- Gimme Some More which was amazing btw). In general, he sticks to what he does great, strong and lyrical showings about urban life in Harlem hoods. 

This EP also has the softer songs for the ladies that are marketed as the lead singles. The first of them is Perfect featuring Chris Brown, which was talked about earlier this month on a Soundtrack but another song that is looking to gain some traction in the mainstream is My Dirty Little Secret. This song illustrates yet another story about a girl that East is getting with. 

She really my type because she think love is boring I don’t know if it’s the jewelry or the cash That made her respond to me so fast She ain’t never asked me nothin’ ‘bout my past

Taken from My Dirty Little Secret Even within this love story, those feelings of paranoia are still prevalent.

Like this the shorty, you been talking bout and showing us I’m growing up, no more Keisha’s nigga I’m blowing up I don’t trust her enough to pass the weed I be rolling up

Taken from My Dirty Little Secret What is immediately interesting is that he makes direct reference to a previous song his, Keisha where he was just sleeping around but now he is looking to settle down and yet that last line brings everything back to the paranoia.

This song shows the story of East meeting a girl but what is interesting here is the constant cognitive dissonance that is present throughout the song. On one hand, he really likes her, wanting to spend all his time with her, wanting to make love to her and tell the world about her and yet on the other hand, he is viewing her as just a another girl he should not really care for, constantly thinking she just be using him for his riches.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed Paranoia: A True Story. It is a strong showing of his storytelling abilities and gives us hope towards his debut album that will be coming next year. I openly recommend everyone to listen to this project.

RATINGS

Concept: 3/5 Production: 4/5 Lyrical Content: 4.5/5 Flow and Delivery: 4/5 Repeatability: 4/5 Did I enjoy this project? Yes, I did Songs to Recommend? Paranoia, The Hated, Phone Jumpin, Dirty Little Secret and Found A Way

Final Rating: 3.9/5

Dave East- My Dirty Little Secret

Dave East- The Hated The third track of the album, Dave East tells the story of two friends, Anthony and Cory as they grew up and found themselves in the dangerous and frivolous lifestyle brought about from drug dealing. A story filled with expensive spending, imprisonment, gang beef, betrayal and so much more.

MIXTAPE

A$AP Ferg- Still Striving Released: August 18, 2017 Label: ASAP Worldwide, Polo Grounds Music and RCA Records

If I wrote on here that Ferg was the best artist to come out of the A$AP Mob, would you believe me? It is something that you can genuinely argue and question. While A$AP Rocky has had the most success of the New York rap group and is the reason a lot of people know of the Mob in the first place, A$AP Ferg has definitely risen right behind his friend. With the release of the well-received Trap Lord in 2013, Ferg has been on a rise in the rap industry. His follow-up album Always Strive and Prosper illustrated the changes he has explored stylistically, utilising a wider range of instrumentation and more polished production. In my mind, Ferg has a strong grasp of modern trends in hip-hop and is easily able to adapt himself to fit the trends without giving up his artistic integrity, staying true to the unique style that brought him fame in the first place.

This mixtape, Still Striving is a strong showing of Ferg utilising the current wave of hip-hop. On this mixtape, Ferg has MANY FEATURES. With Meek Mill, Cam'ron, Dave East, Lil Yachty, Nav, Famous Dex, Playboi Carti, Kid, Migos, A$AP Rocky, MadeinTYO, Busta Rhymes, French Montana, Rick Ross and Snoop Dogg, Ferg uses the variety of sounds to his fullest advantage. 

Now here’s where the issue with this mixtape lies; your enjoyment of this mixtape weighs heavily upon your feelings of some of the younger rappers he has featured. Ferg holds down every song he is on, giving us his strong lyricism over his exuberant, trap-influenced flow but you might switch off immediately once you hear someone else start spitting overly simplistic lyrics, with reliance on auto-tune or ad-libs. While I can say that East Coast Remix is the best song in terms of featured artists (read the Soundtrack from last week for my in-depth “analysis” of the song), Trap and a Dream featuring Meek Mill and Olympian featuring Dave East are strong standout tracks; these two rappers are very similar to Ferg stylistically so their respective chemistries are very clear. Funny enough though, while only three of the fourteen tracks have no features at all, they are also some of Ferg’s stronger verses on the project.

While Still Striving brings up some decent songs to listen to for the moment, it is probably worth waiting for A$AP Ferg’s next studio album to hear him rap to the fullest. 

RATINGS

Concept: 2/5 Production: 3.5/5 Lyrical Content: 3.5/5 Flow and Delivery: 4/5 Repeatability: 3/5 Did I enjoy this project? I did but it was hard at times Songs to Recommend? Trap and A Dream, East Coast Remix, Nandos, Rubberband Man and Olympian

Final Rating: 3.1/5

A$AP Ferg- Nandos One of the songs on the mixtape without any features. It is named after a chain restaurant here in the UK that specialises in chicken (random, I know). The song is an upbeat recollection of Ferg thinking about a time he and his friends were struggling to eat now that those days are far behind him. It is a standout track in my mind and is a good showing of Ferg’s use of the trap style.

SONG

Princess Nokia- G.O.A.T Released: June 28, 2017 Label: Rough Trade Records

The great thing about the internet is that millions of people are sharing around music every day and you can find something you have never heard of and immediately love it. This song is an example of that for me.The New York M.C. known as Princess Nokia has been making music since 2010, previously under the name of Wavy Spice (the lost member of the Spice Girls?). Gaining fans through her Soundcloud and YouTube early on in the decade and being apart of the group Ratking, she recently made waves with her EP 1992 and loose singles such as Brujas and G.O.A.T

From the very little I’ve read up on her so far, I see her as a representation of a millennial raised in the internet era; openly embracing intersectionality as she is a kaleidoscope of personalities and identities within a single being. Makes this song, G.O.A.T  stand out is the lyrics. 

Hate to burst your bubble, bitch I’m that weird girl that’s runnin’ shit I’m a boss bitch runnin’ big shit Got a company, need a couple mil’ Ain’t no rap talk, this my real life And that’s on God, I almost died twice

Opening lines of G.O.A.T

Off the bat, she challenges rap norms by calling herself a weird girl that is still a bad bitch who has been in two different near-death experiences (getting shot at close range when she was 17 and having a lighter explode in her face); we often have two different images of a “bad bitch” and a “weird girl” especially in this hip-hop culture, thinking they are two different entities and cannot be the same but of course, Nokia contradicts that belief. Throughout the song, she will go on to contradict the view of what a female rapper should be. In this song, Princess Nokia tells us that she is a bi-racial, mosh-pitting, intersectional feminist skater chick without curves who likes to watch anime, play with toys, go on MySpace, the film Clueless and OG Southern female rappers like Gangsta Boo, La Chat and Princess Loco….who just so happens to be a rapper. If you compare her to rappers in the mainstream right now (not just female rappers at this point), you probably won’t find a lot of rappers remotely similar.

I change rap forever, man It’s me who had the biggest plan Ain’t no average bitch, I’ve been the man I’ve been the G.O.A.T, eatin’ off the land

Princess Nokia is one of the more unique and intriguing people who happen to be a rapper I have seen in a while and honestly, I am hooked. Her EP 1992 is going to be reissued as an album with G.O.A.T and five other songs added to the tracklist; needless to say, I will be listening. 

Honestly, G.O.A.T will go down as one of my favourite songs of 2017 and it is looking like I am going to become a Princess Nokia fan.

[cyberstabbing]

Supernatural/Magic/Fantasy

Septicemia - Gerard keeps ruining things, but he never means it. Frank keeps getting hurt, but he never feels it. 44k

GO READ THIS GO READ THIS DO IT DO IT DO IIIIIIT !!!! hoooly fuck.

It’s been a while since my last re-read, but I’ll try to summarize part of it. Frank is in a really bad place when the fic starts out. He lives in a dump, his life is crap and he feels like shit. He also has regenerative healing. Doesn’t matter if he falls out from a second-story window, or shoots himself in the mouth. He’ll be alive and kicking after it, wether he wants to or not. His tattoos are constantly fading away, since his body senses it as “harm”. Enter Gerard, a man fascinated by Frank’s powers (and one who might have some of his own...). Aaaanywho. A fun and great and awesome fic that deserves ALL the kudos and comments!

Veins Are Red, Veins Are Blue - There’s a little button up at the top of the page, marked “gallery”, and Gerard clicks on it. It presents him with a handful of different names, presumably the artists in residence, and he skims down the list until he spots it: Frank Iero (horror/gore, traditional American designs). Iero, Gerard thinks, rolling the name around his head like a rosary bead in his palm. Of course the fucker is Italian, because the world is cruel and Gerard’s life is hard. With a deep, tortured sigh, he clicks on Frank’s name.

In which Frank is a tattoo artist and Gerard is a fearsome and terrifying undead creature of the night. Sort of. 8k

Under the Hide of Me - Prohibition in New Jersey means mob bosses and bootleggers running hooch up and down the shore and into the city. Gerard Way, his brother, and their friend Ray are running an operation for the Capo Maranzano. Rival factions are trying to take over the business, and Frank Iero, from a prominent Mob family, is sent to them as their new driver. But the Ways and Ray are hiding two secrets: their own still on a farm in the Pine Barrens, and something darker yet. They’re werewolves. 18k

A Kiss on Bloody Lips - Frank stumbles on a serial killer that’s been terrorizing his city for weeks, and gets more than he bargained for when his obsession comes to a climax. 12k

Gerard Way’s (Vampire) Detective Agency - Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister ritual. 43k

Redeemer - Gerard is a complete asshole to pretty much everyone but himself. He’s rich and privileged and doesn’t care if he steps on other people’s dreams. After a night with some guy he met at one of his clubs, in which Gerard ends up under a young punk rocker’s care, he may be changing his act. 20k

Black Market Blood - Frank’s so fucking freaky he’s potentially wigging out a fucking vampire. 16k

I Was Your Silver Lining - “So what do you do?” “I wait.” “You wait? Like, what, tables?” “I wait for you.” Werewolves, Gypsy magic, soul mates, reincarnation and Gerard being a creeper. 52k

An Emergency Of The Heart - Gerard’s fat fucking birds have fat fucking asses.13k

Cute lil’ cinderella au, Frank’s in a band and Gerard works for CN. It’s So. Sweet. I couldn’t stop smiling in class.

Run - Being a secret teenage werewolf is hard. Frank should know. He is one. 63k

Nearly Witches - Frank’s new in town, and his new best friends think it’d be awesome to check out the old Way Cottage on Halloween. Frank thinks it’ll be the best birthday ever. What he gets is two eighteenth century witches and a lot of strange situations. 18k

fanart!

Unholyverse - “He thinks I have stigmata,” Frank said, because what the fucking hell, it couldn’t get any worse. He might as well just lay it out. “Oh, well,” said Brian into his hands. “Of course.” 186k

Trees Have Roots And I Have You - "There’s a legend saying that if you’re at Saint Etienne du Mont church at midnight, a car or a vehicle or something comes for you and takes you to the Paris you want to visit the most.”And that’s how Gerard Way ends up in the twenties. 27k

burning up in the sun - Life hasn’t been the same since the Rift. Frank hadn’t been planning on getting stuck in this stupid town, kept captive in the sketchiest bar in the universe, chained to the counter like an animal.And just when he’d been sure that nothing could surprise him anymore, he was rescued by a rock 'n’ roll band of vampires. He hadn’t seen that one coming. 11k

Let The Darkness Lead You Home - Vampires are in charge and most of the humans on earth are prey, so Frank Iero’s parents have him train as a cyber tech to protect him. Leaving the family he’s born into may have saved his life, but his parents never could have expected the lengths he’d go to in order to find a new family to call home. 49k

and me here on the ground - Frank’s worked hard to build a life for himself in the city of Jersey, where dragons swoop and dive over the river, and every day is divided by the ringing of the city bells. He knows the streets of the city like he knows the the tattoos on the backs of his hands, and he’s content with what he has: a job as a bike courier, friends who love to give him shit, and a crush on a professor of art history at the local university.

But he’s also got a secret—one he’s been running from for a long time. But all it takes is one delivery to a mysterious, quite-probably-magical bookshop to show Frank that there are some things you can’t outrun. Especially since he’s finally found a place that he doesn’t want to leave. 32k

This fic. God. Perfect in every way. There will never be anything like this ever again.

Can Never Wrong This Right - It’s 1949 and Dr. Way is a professor of Archeology and Frank is his constantly exasperated (and secretly pining) assistant. When their latest trek takes them to South America to locate the fabled Blood Stone, however, they both find more than they bargained for. 23k

I thought I would never find this fic again!! Was re reading Strange Steps and then looked at the author’s other works and found this fic. Also, the same person wrote Becoming Joan !! And a bunch of other awesome stuff. What a legend.

This Tornado Loves You - 1933. Frank’s been on the run a long time and he’s forced to stop in his old hometown. At first things are about what he expects - old friends, unpleasant memories, and a less-than-desirable home life. Everything changes one night when he stumbles on an old hedge maze hidden in the woods. It’s not the hedge maze that intrigues him the most, though, but the secrets of the house hidden inside. 43k

Smokeless Flame of Fire - Frank blinked. “What kind of name for a genie is Gerard?” 21k

to the midnight land - Being a teenager is hard. Being a Blooded teenager, one with a connection to the Moon and his fur-self, is even worse. He’s got to contend with his own hormones, high school, and the fact that he’s in love with his best friend.

Luckily, Frankie’s got the determination to see things through. He’s got family, friends, and a community of shifters to lean on, and he’s not going to give up. Frankie’s not patient, but he’s stubborn when he knows what he wants. And he wants Gerard. 24k

Everyone Comes To Pan’s - "Second street on the left, and straight on till Mornington Crescent. Tell them Pete sent you.“ 35k

Ain’t Nobody Gonna Love You Like The Devil Do - Frank is a good, God-fearing Catholic boy, and then Gerard happens. Gerard is the most interesting person he’s ever met, arriving in Frank’s small town with late nights and illicit booze and odd, disturbing nightmares trailing in his wake, and before long, Frank finds himself questioning the things he thought he knew. 40k

I read this waaay before I even thought about making a reclist, or even to keep track of what I read. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this fic again.

With Dripping Wings, Heavy Things Won’t Fly - Gerard is in more than a mess when he is kicked out of Heaven, and the demon tracking him is certainly not helping him. Frank has a plan, though, and he needs the fallen angel for it to work. This is what happens when Heaven and Hell collide. 3 really long chapters.

Something Other Than Human - In a world where vampires have risen to take charge as the dominant species, the last of the human race has been forced into servitude and submission. With no job to pay for his mounting number of bills, Frank Iero is being forced to make some hard choices - get a job under the tyrannical reign of the very creatures responsible for the death of his great-grandfather, or be thrown onto the streets to be picked up and used for nothing more than a meal.

His life, however, takes an unforeseen turn when he discovers a vampire in his best friend’s kitchen – a vampire who said best friend is not only friends with, but related to. The last thing he wants is to spend more time with Gerard Way. But Gerard has plenty of problems of his own, one being his desperate need to hire a secretary. And, well. Frank really needs a job.

As Gerard realises that hiring Frank only adds to his problems, Frank may have to come to terms with the fact that it isn’t only vampires who can be prejudice. 42k

Roses Are See-Through - “Ghosts are overrated,” Gerard says. A transparent Frank laughs. 6k

Keep You Safe Tonight - Frank is a werewolf. He’s out running in the woods one night when he’s shot by a hunter with a silver bullet, and ends up collapsing on the grounds of Sir Way, who takes him in to care for him. The silver poisoning has a weird effect on him, and Frank - who has never known finery OR or someone quite like Lord Way - doesn’t know what makes his head spin more. 11k

All That We See Or Seem - "What the hell? What are you doing? Don’t do that! It’ll bite your head off! Oh God we’re going to die!"

A Supernatural AU featuring Gerard the Hunter and Frank the paranormal investigator/journalist. 15 chapters

Don’t Even Take This Bet - Being a vampire tends to automatically mean immortality, so Gerard had come to terms with the fact that relationships probably wouldn’t work out very well for him. But what if, somehow, he manages to keep meeting the same guy (or sometimes girl) over and over again, through different lives? Gerard will keep falling in love with Frank over and over again, meeting all these different versions of him, none of them remembering him, and seeing him die more times than he’d like. He spends decades after each death searching for him, so when he can’t find him for nearly 70 years, he starts to lose hope. That is, until it reappears again, suddenly and completely unexpected, in the form of a cute guy screaming on a stage. 61k

ever just the same (ever a surprise) - As the only charm weaver in his small village, Gerard has lead a quiet but productive life. All of that changes when he crosses the path of a dark fae with royal ambitions. A fairy tale with wicked witches, magic, and (of course) true love. 20k

The One Where Ray Can Hear Sex Dreams - I’m really sorry, Mr. Toro. But I didn’t make you have sex with anyone, as per your request. 2k

When I Think About You (I Touch Myself) - Van!era bodyswap. Gerard is a narcissist. 2k

Untitled - 4k

a not!fic. Mikey disappears, but leaves a note behind for Gerard explaining how to reach him through his dreams. And so Gerard finds himself in a world so very different from his own, with magic and princes (and Frank). + cool art!

hope you survive the experience - In which various members of FOB, MCR, The Used, P!atD, TAI, GCH, and Various Others are students at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, complete with typical high school hookups, Bad Ideas, Really Bad Ideas, and a wee bit of telekinesis, amongst others. Part one of a series, but can standalone if you like. 3k

He Told Me I Could Never Go Back - Everything was fine until Frank disappeared. 2k

this broke my heart.

The Fall and Rise of The Black Parade - “I used to think this was Hell. I mean, I always figured that’s where I was headed, if there was any afterlife. And then when I got here…there were no lakes of fire, or anything, but I was stuck on my own in a place where nothing grows or changes, so I figured, okay, Hell’s just a little different than I always thought it would be. But then, after a while…it wasn’t so bad. I found a place where I could kind of belong, and I met Toro and Brian and Bob and Mikey…and you. And I figure…if I was in Hell, falling in love shouldn’t really be in the cards, should it?

So after that, I started thinking—okay, maybe this place isn’t anything I ever heard about in school or church. But then again, maybe it is. Maybe this is Purgatory. And I always had the idea that Purgatory was kind of like prison, y’know, you gotta serve your sentence and the only thing that’s gonna get you out quicker is good behavior or having friends in high places. But maybe—maybe you don’t have to just sit around waiting for someone to tell you your sentence is up. Maybe Purgatory ends when you get yourself out of it.” 52k

The author only has 12 out of their 52 frank/gerard fics up on AO3, so here’s a link to all of them (LJ).

Under My Skin - "Maybe," Gerard had said one night, scratching idly at Frank's scalp, "it was something you ate?" "Maybe," Ray said, "it was some kind of sex pollen." Frank growled and said, "maybe if you don't shut up right now I'm going to kick your ass." 1k

Pack - Frank's a very playful werewolf. 1k

And The Autumn Moon Is Bright - "So...what, am I a werewolf now?" 10k

I Wish I Were A Ghost - Halloween is Frank Iero's birthday. It's also the day when the veil between the world of the living and the dead is at it's thinnest.

A ghost-story. Short and sweet. 1k

00.06 - '4 and 14 adopt a newborn baby together. What do they name it, how do they raise it, etc, etc. Do they eventually get it siblings? Do they ditch it in a dumpster on prom night because its not as fun as they thought?'

THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. And yet, I am oddly charmed by it. 2k

oh my god. gerard/james potter. it was hilarious. 

Show you what all that howl is for - How is Frank supposed to enjoy a good run knowing Gerard's out there pissing on his trees? 4k

​Now With More Cowbell - Hermes - trickster god first and foremost, the patron saint of robbers and thieves, of conmen and rockstars. He’ll go to bat for you if you make him laugh or if he likes your style, or if you have an offering that tickles his fancy (he’s fond of stuffed animals, cigarettes, and ugly puppies, just as an FYI).

One of his godly duties is to guide souls to the underworld, lead them into their personal version of the afterlife, though maybe some people he doesn’t like get lost along the way. He's not too great with messages, either, to be honest. 0.5k

​Everything in Your Eyes - Gerard's been part of super crime for the past five years, and he's never seen anything like this. A telepathic noir story. 5k

a must-read.

Half the Battle - People tend to assume Gerard is an alpha. Frank knows better. 1k

An Inexplicable Occurrence of Angels - 35k

This was on my Fics-I-Can’t-Find-list, and since this one doesn’t have a description, I’ll just paste in what I could remember from reading it last year: ​

My Chem (minus Frank) broke up after Revenge. One day Frank kinda shows up (can't remember how) Frank's an angel with big wings and is hopelessly clueless about the world, so the rest or My Chem have to help him. They take him on walks and it looks like he has a hunchback bc of his wings. I think Frank doesn't even know any words in the beginning, but he learns english quickly. Loves watching movies. Everyone in My Chem basically crash at ray's place bc of Frank. And they're all Hey... maybe we should pick up the band again...? 

UPDATE: okay i just reread it and it’s sooooo good holy shit. especially the last chapter. there was a comment on AO3 about how they would come back and reread the last chapter over and over again because it made them so happy. that’s probably what i’m gonna do from now on. 

crack your body crack your mind + really fucking awesome art - Frank only comes out when he's alone. 4k

I’m not into xenophilia, but I still enjoyed this. And that art! *swoons*

Frank the Failiest Vampire - Frank's a vampire, and he's finally ready to let the world know. 0.9

a not!fic

Three Sharp Bites - When Frank had imagined the joy of finally finding a helpless thrall who would tilt back his neck for him, displaying the jugular with a undertone of love and utter submission, he didn't really expect it to include the joy of being bent almost in two while his mate fucked the living shit out of him. 0.7k

part two of Frank the Failiest Vampire. This isn’t a not!fic though.

Ten Wearwolves Fighting - By the time Gerard gets back, Frank has been pacing back and forth for at least two hours.He slams Gerard up against the wall as soon as he's deadbolted the door, hands firm against his shoulders. "Where the fuck have you been?" 1k

Hunter - They said the guy in Apartment 1147 was crazy. 1k

The One That You Are Looking For - Frank gets silver poisoning. His pack protects him. 11k

The Midnight Council - Gerard, the child of a forbidden love between vampire and werewolf, ascends the throne of werewolf clan Wajdra at the tender age of eleven. The political situation between the dwindling numbers of the werewolves and their ancient enemies, the vampires, is precarious at best, and when his vampire mother and brother retreat to Transylvania, the only one Gerard can truly trust is Frank, the little werewolf cub who swore himself Gerard's liegeman the very day that they met. Gerard and Frank are raised side-by-side in the castle in a political tinderbox, but as Gerard's coming-of-age approaches, a war between vampires and werewolves looms ever nearer, while humans encroaching on their territory threaten both with extinction. 42k

You know those fics that are so well-written, with so much care for detail and research put into them, that if you had to choose one fic as proof of how incredible fanfiction is to those who claim it’s all trash, that fic would be it? Well, this is a prime example of that. The amount of research the author must have put into this shows itself again and again in the text, and never once did I find a part of it to be lacking in any way.

It’s written all old-timey, which I normally have some trouble with, but other than having to look up a word now and then, it was fine. Adding to that, I think the fic overall would’t have worked as well in its historical setting had the author not used the language that they did.  

Unfortunately, The Midnight Council is an abandoned WIP. I knew this going in, and while I felt sad at the end, I don’t regret reading it at all. Honestly, I just feel thankful for getting a glimpse of their life in such an amazing setting, and I’m glad it was done so flawlessly. So please, go read.

​Get me closer (to God) - Gerard found salvation with his Stars, and Frank was the perfect Catholic. When light and dark collide, what should have been simply sex, becomes something much more than neither could’ve expected. 56k

Chapter seven and eight are blocked, but fear not! Simply click on chapter six, and there should be a drop down meny of all the chapters. From there you just select the next chapter :) Anyway it’s really good, and G is in a cult!

Cupid’s Chokehold - Frank taps his foot on the tile and looks at anything other than Ray’s face for a long moment. Then he groans and says, "I suck at love, alright? I’m a fucking Cupid, a servant of Aphrodite for fuck’s sake, and I suck at making people fall in love.” 13k

The Old Straight Track - Death is weird, Frank thinks, though he suspects this is not the way it's really supposed to go. 30k

This fic is haunting, in more than one way ;) ... Okay, enough puns. Anyway this one has this really cool part -- and I’m not going to spoil it!! -- With the main dudes and a window and I love it a lot so please read it and maybe shoot me an ask and yell about That scene so I can yell back about how gr8 it is. That is all. 

Oh and it has a hilariously lost Pete who can’t get anyone to explain anything to him and it was a well needed laugh from all the other shit going on in the fic. 

The Majesty of Choice - Gerard’s life conforms around a curse that orders his obedience. He soon finds himself thrust into the position of protecting the Prince, a well-meaning man named Frank, who just so happens to be falling in love with Gerard. 100k

according to my ao3 bookmarks (pushes up glasses), the last time I opened this fic was May 2017 (it’s now January 2018) so I have no idea how why I didn’t put it on this category sooner. Anywayz, here iz ze fic!

All The Wicked Shadows - A favor for his friend Mikey leads Frank to an abandoned building in North Jersey...where Mikey's dark secret is hiding. 5k

Well written, surprisingly scary, really refreshing insight into the vampire trope. And the art is great!

​A Borrower of the Night - When a curse causes Frank and Gerard to switch powers, Frank takes things a step too far, while Gerard scrambles to break it before he loses Frank and Frank loses his mind. 8k

The Anatomy of a Fall - The unholy union of a high school AU and a ghost story. Gerard's life takes a strange turn when his family moves to a small town in Vermont and he discovers the locals aren't all what they seem to be. Also includes: unexpected nature walks, murder, pining, improper treatment of crime scenes, a number of bone-related puns, high school bullies, and a short-range shrub named Ferdinand. 107k

So I always thought I had this on my rec list, but when I went to add a link to some truly awesome fanart of it (here! spoiler free as well ;), I couldn’t find it??. Here it is, anyway. Not like any of y’all lurkers needed my rec list to find this fic anyway, I mean it’s one fucking third of the motherfucking holy trinity of mcr fics. Fuck, I need to start rereading it. I don’t even think I finished it in the first place!? Ugh, that’s on me, not the fic. The fic is the motherfluffing shit.

A Wish And I'm Gone - Gerard is 17 years old in 1922. Frank is 17 years old in 1984. They both just want to be somewhere else, somewhere better. 2k (still updating!)

In Firmer Chains, Our Hearts Confine - Former musical composer and current writer Gerard Way is a sensation of the musical and literary scenes of 1800s London. But after struggling for ages with his new book, he’s close to giving up. Until he receives an offer from Grant Morrison himself; to go to his manor in Scotland and work on his novel in peace. Gerard seizes upon the chance immediately. Grant, however, has a dark secret he’s desperately trying to keep hidden. And Gerard has a few of his own. 37k

Picture me, casually stumbling upon this fic one late night. Historical? Check. An AU but Gerard’s talents are still appreciated and encouraged, and he makes a name for himself? Double check. Grant Morrison? Check. Gerard and Grant’s dark secrets? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK

Me: *already fucking shaking from excitement, now glancing up at the tags* Enter the tag Alternate Universe - Vampire. Queue foaming at the mouth.

This fic was so fucking awesome in so many ways I don’t even know where to begin. The slow and suspenseful unraveling of secrets and mysteries. The numerous parallels drawn between the AU and real life events of the people in it, and that the author made sure that they all worked within the AU without a hitch. All the actions and ambitions of the people in it that somehow managed to balance masterfully on the fine line between what’s canon and what’s realistic for that time period.

Fuck, lurkers guys. I’m not sure if my word-vomiting even gets anyone to read fic on my list, but for the sake of this fic (and my ego sdkjlskldhfklf) I ask anyone reading this to p l  e a s e read it. For your own sake. And mine. Because I need to yell about this fic with somebody, STAT.

Ships: Gerard/Grant, and very, I repeat, VERY low-key Frank/Mikey

A Guided Tour of the October Country: Please Keep Your Arms and Legs Inside the Wind of Death At All Times - That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and midnights stay. 7k

Mysterious, some angst imo, and plenty of adorable geekiness to round it off ;)

Adrift - When successful author Gerard Way is forced to do something drastic to spur on his creativity, he decides to move out of the city. He buys an old villa in the small town of Kellmington and is satisfied with that, until he discovers that it’s already inhabited by one of the former residents: a persistent ghost. To have a dead spirit around is certainly not what he paid for, but Gerard soon learns that the ghost has its own story – a story that might lead him to a life-changing plot twist. 31k

Maaaaan I am I glad I read this. A ghost ... mysteries ... historical flashbacks ... a pinch of horror ... Successful Writer!Gerard ... foreshadowing ... Old creaky houses ... I’m going to come clean. I shed tears over this fic. Dammit, I need some art of that last scene. Maybe I’ll make an attempt once exams are out of the way.

Monsters and Kings - AU where Frank, a member of a werewolf clan, is forced to marry Gerard, the son of the Vampire King. The marriage seals a peace treaty between the two species. Frank expected he would be killed immediately after the wedding, but things are not so simple. He never expected to actually like his new husband, and that makes things far too complicated. 133k

Listen I have so many feelings about this fic. First of all, an A+++ take on werewolves. Secondly... I had no idea it was that long until I finished it. Somehow got it in my head that it was 41k (??) so I was like “‘aight this is the perfect length let’s go” but that number came and went quickly as I read this, and I’m so glad it was way longer (three times as long as I thought!). It couldn’t have been any less than 133k with everything it was packed with.

This isn’t a fic that was made by dropping the pairing into some rando time and place, oh no. The background stories , culture clashes, creature politics, intricate rituals and traditions, allies, enemies (that antagonist tho) and lovers... the whole shebang. Not to mention that fucking awesome epilogue. Too fucking cute.

Psst! Make sure to check out 1_800_FRERARD’s comment on the fic lol. BUT ONLY AFTER READING IT BECAUSE IT’S LIKE THE BIGGEST SPOILER OTHERWISE OH MY GOD

Oh, and check out 1_800_FRERARD’s fics as well––they’re awesome.

you weaseled your way into my heart (and ferreted out my feelings) - You gotta watch out for those bands with umlauts. 5k

Through the Trees - After being bit by an unknown werewolf and left to figure out this new change on his own, Frank’s life is further turned upside down when his mom announces they’re moving to a new town halfway through Frank’s senior year. What Frank doesn’t expect is that there are already two packs of territorial werewolves. He tries to figure out where he fits, if anywhere at all, or if he’s going to have to continue on as a lone wolf. 47k

This fic was way funnier and way more light-hearted than I thought it would be. Frank is your typical teenager, mad at his mom for uprooting him in his senior year, feeling isolated on account on the werewolf factor, and in the middle of all that he discovers that there are others like him. But Frank is just so ... Frank. He’s just like, “Whatever man, I get this whole, ‘my turf’ thing, but there’s a really good show about to play in this neighborhood, sooo...” And the flirting! Oh god, the flirting. I at times felt a tiiiiny bit bad for poor Gerard who was not. at all. prepared for this type of shameless wooing. Especially from this newly turned wolf who can’t tell his two paws apart from each other.

Another thing I really loved in this fic was how different the characters’ approaches to werewolf identity were. Like, there were times when Frank was venting his frustration with being turned, and Gerard would say like, “Is... is it really that bad?” Because for him, that’s his identity and heritage. Before him, his grandmother was pack leader. And idk, I just loved how that was a part of this absolutely wonderful and hilarious fic.

Rising With the Heat - "Bullet?" he says, voice high and confused. "Um, hi?" Frank says, dropping to the ground. "You're the one – have you been following me all week?" Gerard asks, slowly lowering the spray can. Bob's going to give him so much shit for this. "I just wanted to make sure you got home safe." 2k

Frank is a superhero sidekick who’s fallen for Gerard, who he previously saved from getting mugged. Gerard finds it cute. And maybe a little bit hot. 

Of All the Places in the Universe - Gerard, an alien with a severe case of anomie and wanderlust, crash-lands in Jersey while traveling the galaxy. A chance meeting with a creature his studies had told him didn't exist leads to a surprising turn of events. With time, Gerard comes to call Earth home, and finds love with the adorable punk who found him--Frank, an energetic puppy of a werewolf who's really more bark than bite. 30k

"You know The Smiths?"

Gerard grinned. "Oh, yes! They're one of my favorite Earth bands."

Monster Under the Bed - “You’re not real. Go away,” Gerard ordered. “If I’m not real, then who are you talking to?” it countered. “My imagination.” “Can your imagination shake the bed?” Gerard screeched. “Stop that!” There was a sigh from underneath the bed. “It makes me sad to be told I’m not real. Sad and angry.” Gerard whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut. “All right—you’re real! Stop shaking the bed!” 3k

Heaven Help Us - It's hot, but that's nothing new, Gerard's used to this by now. The heat surges up his back and causes his spine to roll with shudders to get used to the new temperature. His white wings flap a few times as he gets used to standing firmly on the ground before they fold in, disappearing back under the skin of his shoulder blades. The musky smell is heavy, and it's almost overbearing, but Gerard doesn't care. He's only here for one thing, and as soon as he gets it, he'll be gone. 9k

Obligatory ‘Haven’t Read This In Years’. Can’t remember the details, but it is pretty dark, with torture etc. ... I used to read some messed up stuff. But then! The twist!!! Now *that* I remember. ... You’ll have to read it to find out. ;)

A Red So Deep - Constantine AU. Warnings for gore, religious themes, suicide.

Brendon says, “Ugh.” “That’s why I like you,” Frank tells him between spits. “You’re articulate.” “What else is there to say, you know?” Brendon shrugs. He gingerly pinches his jacket by the edges of a button and lifts it a little to get access to the inner breast pocket. “’Ugh, we’re covered in blood because you killed a demon with a shotgun that was blessed by some psycho priest a decade ago.’ Like that?” “You’re right. Don’t do that,” Frank concedes after a pause. 14k

Criminally underrated. Frank deals with a lot of shit that other people don’t usually notice, and Brendon is his nerdy apprentice of sorts. Frank runs into Gerard, who has come for his help. Throughout the fic you’ll notice that things are gearing up for something … big. Which of course unnerves the hell out of Frank. Also, no spoilers and all that but this seriously gives me strong vibes of Deathwish (guess who just got home and saw that her copy arrived!). Which of course, just adds more awesomeness to it.

Shadows In The Parking Lot - In which there’s a mass grave under Frank and Ray’s apartment complex, Frank doesn’t believe in ghosts, & Frank’s ex-boyfriend is, conveniently, a paranormal consultant. For Milo. 61k

Well, I just stayed up until 4AM to finish this masterpiece. I love love love the characterization, and the whole “we used to be a thing years ago.” Which I haven’t really read much of, but it worked SO well for this fic and it might be my new thing. Not to mention the spookyness! It was so awesome, especially how nonchalant Frank was about ghosts in the beginning, which seemed to be more confusing to Gerard than if Frank just straight up was a firm non-believer. lol. Will definitely reread around Halloween! :D Also, the author said that they’re working on a sequel!!!!

A Fate Worse Than Death [Spells] - “Can I help you find anything?” an employee had asked. Frank just waved them off. “A box I can fit my ex-boyfriend’s body in.” had hardly seemed like an appropriate response.

~ Or, The story of how Frank Iero became a vampire slayer in the worst possible state to wake up a vampire. A daydream on ‘The Taste Of Ink’ by The Used. 59k

Hot damn. Love how Frank took down those vamps for G. And that graveyard scene! Good stuff. Felt like I was reading a comic at times because I could visualize everything so clearly.

Fuck and Run - Meaningless hookups are easier than dating when you’re a werewolf. That is, until your brother sets you up on a blind date with someone you’ve already *ahem* ‘seen’ before. 144k

my comment (with tiiiny spoilers): Hngr. I feel like I can’t describe my love for this story in more than caveman grunts right now, I’m afraid. My cat can def attest to how much noise I made while reading it. The moments I had to put my phone down and do a Face Cradle (Gerard! Why didn’t you use the B-word in that comicbook shop? You had one job!) and the parts where I was so intensely drawn into the story that my eyes would end up all puffy and red the next day from spending the night inches away from my screen, rarely blinking or looking away for more than a moment. Anyways this was so ... HNNGRSHSH. Fuck. Just .... too cool. Loved the little glimps into their future as well, you really know how to give the people what they want. AND ALSO it’s really cool how frank and g still have other friends and relationships and connections with other people that matter!! I’m proud of them!!!! And Gerard abd Mikey’s grandma who thought it was all a metaphor... that’s like, the perfect example of little details and backstory that you sprinkle throughout the fic, much appreciated. And the FIGHTS and the LOVE and the VIBES and the LONGING. And how Gerard sees the wolf and the tragedy and the hopelessness and the brotherly love and Mikey’s silver bullets in case something goes wrong AND THE LORE WITH THE WITCH’S CURSE! And that werewolf dating site with the creepy werewolf dudes, I kept thinking how, yup, I could totally see that kind of creepy power dynamic playing out (unfortunately) so while this is obviously fantasy it is still so grounded in todays culture and our reality which is always a fun combo to explore. NOT TO FUCKING MENTION EX BOYFRIEND GERARD i am now a full blown fan of that trope and i blame you entirety. And Gerard just sitting in the bathtub in the dark ... man, just little stuff like that really pulled me in to it, yknow?? And frank attempting to make steak for his werewolf boyfriend! *heart eyes* HHDSJJS I SHOULD STOP NOW BUT FUCK DUDE THIS WAS SICH A BANGER TO READ I MEAN HONESTLY YOUR WORK IS LIKE 10/10 and so is your tumblr (yes hi i was That person this last week) / the end

A State Of Orange - Being a halfling in a red state can sometimes cause issues for Frank Iero. He’s the weakest at Jett Clement High School, and probably the entire state (not counting the meal plans). His moods are oddly stable, as much as he tries to be mercurial. And being able to withstand the sun for up to twenty minutes only allows him more time to be forced into chores.

Still, his parents are insane if they think he’s going to be happy about their decision. Frank doesn’t want to move to a Mixed state. How is he supposed to get great friends? How is he supposed to find great food? How is he supposed to have great sex? But Frank doesn’t have a choice. He’s New Jersey bound for the next year, if not longer. He’ll be surrounded by tame vampires who have been nagged out of a sex drive, and humans he’s not allowed to eat. Mixed states suck.

Lucky for him, not every person in Jersey sucks. 19k

A really interesting and different AU. I love the, er, misconceptions Frank has about other characters. Heh.

Kiss The Bottle - A drunk wizard slips Frank a love potion while the band is in between tour dates. Chaos and mischief ensues. 35k

An impeccable casting of the wizard, I must say. lol

Superheroes (2-part series) - Mikey isn’t a superhero. 3k

Ship: Frank/Mikey

Don't Fear the Reaper - Gerard's not the greatest with faces but there's one that keeps crossing his path that he can't ignore. 4k

Holy Water Like Cheap Whiskey - "Like motherfucking Romeo and Juliet. Except you don't like heights, and I'm pretty sure Juliet never sipped on dudes' blood." 46k

THE SCENE IS DEAD - 20k

Can’t remember who wrote this description (it’s on my to-do list) (was it disenchanted?) but THEY PUT IT INTO WORDS: “I don't know how to begin to describe this one... It's written in an unusual format - ie. a lot of it is told through newspaper articles and webpages but it's one of those super haunting fics that stays with you for days. I don't think there are any triggers listed so be warned there are character deaths and supernatural stuff.”

And I really don’t have more to add. I don’t even want to say anything more because honestly for this fic, the less you know the better. For me the experience of reading it was made a hundred times better just by the emotional rollercoasters I was put through. Lol. Trying to figure out what was going on/going to happen next was really fun.