#it's getting on 2 am and i just went to bed

[winxfairyliveshere]

Ruben Dias x Wife Reader (Part 2)

Part 1

Hi! I really got so happy that you guys liked the part 1. I hope you will like this too.English is not my mother language so please excuse me for mistakes. Feedbacks are welcomed, enjoy <3

You climbed the stairs making too much effort. Your first pregnancy was not like this hard. But this time, it's complicated. After you climbed half of the stairs you stopped and took a few big breathes. Ruben was in the downstairs making noises you had no idea where they are coming from. You thought he was picking up his shoes. After you climbed the whole stairs you said to yourself, yes!, because it was really hard.

You waddled to your son's room, door was open. There were teeth brushing noises coming from his bathroom. You watched him while he is brushing. Oh, in your eyes he is the biggest man in the world. He can talk, he can sleep alone and he doesn't like it when you bath him! He is not the baby in the bassinet crying for you, looking for your skin anymore.

But while you are thinking all of this you thought you need to step up because he was being too harsh with his teeth. "Oh, oh buddy calm down, calm down." You took his hand and guided him. "You need to be gentle, remember? We have talked about this before, like this."

Brushing was over, you helped him get off the chair. He ran to the books and started to yell "I want Portuguese, Portuguese!" while bouncing. You started to collecting Portuguese books for him and said "Which one do you want?". He pulled one of the books from your hand and started waving in the air. You walked to the bed with him, he got in first.

"Come on mommy be fast"

"I am coming Teo, look i am huge."

"You are not huge mom you are pregnant." said while giving you a dead ass look.

Did he really pick this book? Really? He had dozens of books but he picked this one? Like he is doing this on purpose. Eu Amo Meu Papai (I love my dad).

Ruben's POV

Ruben scrathed his scalp while she was climbing the stairs. Wanted to help her like he always does, but he thought this time she will shove him. So he continued to clean his shoes but no. He just can't do it. He threw the cloth in his hand, it made cleaners fell. Collected all the shoes and put them in their bags.

"You are not in the football world." said to her. He thought, am i wrong though? Maybe he was, maybe he was not. He couldn't decide. He said in his head "She still sees me like the day we first met; strong and solid. But she is forgetting one thing: my age." That's why he said those sentences. And the word she said about "not seeing her as a soulmate?" Crap. "I was not under of a another man." Total bullshit. She can't.

The best thing he can do right now is fall into coma without dying: sleeping. So he went upstairs, his family's voices became more distinct as he walked towards his room.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes, mãe. Your Portuguese is getting better also." He giggled at Teo's words.

"What! My Portuguese is always nice. Look at yours."

"Papai talks better."

"Of course he talks better, he is Portuguese." Something in Ruben's heart always melted when he acknowledge his identity: talking Portuguese, watching Portuguese cartoons or wanting to wear Portugal jersey.

Reader's POV

You ruffled his hair while saying "Of course he talks better, he is Portuguese." This boy always surprises you with his words.

"Teo, i am sorry for what happened. I should not yell." You played with his ears and said "Sorry ears"

"Maybe you should say sorry to papai's ears too." You looked at him. Gosh, he is literally Ruben's twin. You literally gave birth to another Ruben.

"Should i?"

"Can we go -yawns- to the papai's game?" You understood the signals he is giving and started to caress his head and hair. That's the trick for falling asleep. Right that time, door opened and you saw your husband. Ruben slowly entered the room, he was very careful not to make any noise. You made eye contact for a moment but quickly looked away from his eyes. He stretched his long and muscular arm towards your son's head and caressed his cheek. He slowly brought his head closer to Teo's face and left a small kiss on his other cheek. At that moment you smelled him, his presence almost crushed you. His neck was literally displaying itself right in front of your eyes. But remember, you guys had a fight. Fight.

You slowly removed your arm from under Teo's head. You need a help for getting up and here he is. Ruben stretched out his hands to you, you grabbed them. If you were not angry with him, you would have kissed his hands. You stood up with his help, didn't say a word. You tucked Teo in bed, Ruben was walking in front of you. You adjusted the intensity of night lamp and walked out of the room. When you closed the room, you felt his existence behind you. You didn't turn to him. When you realize he is gone, you walked to your room. Ruben was folding his t-shirt, already in night clothes. He doesn't like waking up to the pile of clothes all messy. You entered bathroom, took the toothbrush in one hand and the toothpaste in the other. Thanks to the big bathroom mirror, you could see Ruben. After brushing you applied your lip and face moisturizer and hopped to the another care routine which is Ruben found "unnecessary". Brushing hair! Well Ruben does not find brushing hair unnecessary, he founds brushing hair for 10 mins unnecessary. You deal with hair loss due to pregnancy, whatever you try does not help. So you find yourself brushing your hair for at least 10 mins. Maybe it makes worse, but when you do not brush it, there is always a big pile of hair on your pillow which makes you sad.

Ruben was laying on his back. Eyes fully open. Right to the ceiling. He opened duvet for you and you saw your pregnancy pillow placed like you always did. Was he saying sorry through his acts?

You sat on the bed, leaning your back against the headboard. Looked at him, still glued his eyes to the ceiling.

"Did your ears get hurt too?" you asked. He turned his head towards you. "What?" he said with a little smile.

"I asked a very clear question." After your response, he stopped lying on the bed and sat instead of it.

"Y/n, look at me." he cupped your face. His hands, you loved his hands. Always made you so safe: holding them, his hand on your thigh while driving, wandering around your body, his long fingers around your neck. Best necklace in the world.

Altough you think like that, you looked at him with a attidute and said, "I do not think i said something wrong. I am right about what i said."

"Yes i know but you need to listen to me also. I am so happy and blessed to have you in my life. I know no matter what happens, you are my number one supporter, you will stand with me. I am so happy for our family." caressed your belly, "So much i can not put into words. I said those words because football is changing, i am changing Y/n. Last game, i fucked up. Fucked up everything. Like it was not me playing. Then when i was in the changing room, sitting while i am disgusting with my performance, i saw them." You looked at him with interested eyes. "I saw my opponets. Yes opponets. They are my teammates but that was the first time i saw them as a opponent. With their young and stable bodies, they came and sat in front of me. I saw myself in them, when i was in Benfica, i always waited for some one to drop so i can get in the game. Y/n i am getting old."

"You are not getting old! You are just 32."

"That means i am getting old minha vida (my life). " said while caressing your arm.

"Nowadays footballers play until they are 40. You are no where close to 40 Ruben."

"I know but that does not relax me. There are people coming behind me and waiting for me not to play. One game, just one game me playing bad, that's it. That's their chance to shine. And i do not want others shine. Not yet."

You felt insane discomfort in your body. His words were like rain, storm. You could not do anything but stand.

"I really appreciate your support and trust towards me and i am sorry for what i said. You are my everything, my world. Like you are Earth and i am Moon, hovering around you. I am so sorry Y/n, i just feel so much pressure. I should not acted like that with you. And while Teo was there."

All your guard is down right now. You hugged him, felt sorry for him. Left a few pecks around his neck and shoulder. He looked at you with smiling eyes firstly but they changed so quick like he remembered something. He distanced himself.

"What? Am i smelling? I took a shower this morning." You started to sniff yourself.

"No no you are not. I just remembered something. Forbidden words, you said them." You did not understand his point.

"You talked about another man remember?"

You burst out laughing.

"No, stop laughing stop it." He tried to close your mouth but no, you did not stop laughing. You pulled the duvet over yourself, he spooned you with his body.

"As i said before, i am right about my words, i said facts. I was under you not any other man."

"I know amor i know. You are only mine."

Tags: @carmilladias @caraclocekfjrv @hockey-racing-fubol @mahivah @ciaraovnot and who sent me a message anonymous 💞

I think i need to find title for this one :)

[beqitos]

⠀⠀⠀ ─── 𝒜𝐫𝐞 𝒴𝐨𝐮 ℛ𝐞𝐚𝐥

✷ ─── 엔하이픈 WHICH IN . . enha blinded by your LETHAL face card . . ✷ : hyungline!enha x fem!reader . . ✷ : fluff fluffy fluff, smooches, petnames, lowercase intended, tell me if im missing anything!! . . 𝒥AZ 𝒩OTES : I'm too hyper rn, and it's 2 am, atp ima take requests, i need to burn myself out . . DRABBLE + NOT PROOF READ . . 𝒍𝒊𝒃��𝒂𝒓𝒚 . .

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆

you are currently checking yourself out in your body mirror, reapplying lip gloss, and checking to see if you forgot something from your outfit. you finally finished up some mistakes from your outfit, to turn around and see heeseung not so subtly checking you out.

"hee, does this necklace go with this bag, or does this one?", you decided to test him to see if he was even listening. "huh?, mhm? yeah, I think that goes with it..", he shamelessly said. he did not care if you caught him in the act of eyeing you. "baby, yk, you're just so pretty..", heeseung got up from the bed and smoothly turned you around by the waist.

"seung, not now—", you were cut off by heeseungs smooth, plump lips meeting your cherry lips. after what felt like forever, you heard a beeping sound outside and your phone dinging in your pocket. "seung— let go! I have to go now—", heeseung brought you back in, a more passionate and aggressive kiss, "they can wait."

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘

you just had gotten out the shower and is ready to do your skincare.. that's until your boyfriend, jay, came into the bathroom. he was always the clingy type more than you, so you always dreaded (but excitedly), seeing him enter.

"hey baby, I was wondering what was taking you so long," he grabbed your chin, making you look towards him, and kissed your forehead. "hii, I'm just doing my skincare!" you smiled at him, then continued what you were doing. after a couple minutes of putting your head down in the sink, you looked up and saw jay. admiring you from head to toe, and when you looked up, his eyes went immediate lovesick.

"baby.. yk, do I ever tell you, you're so—" he squished your cheeks and pressed sloppy kisses all over your face. you giggled and smiled nonstop, which just made him have even more cuteness aggression. "jay! stop! let me do my skincare first!" you tried pulling away, but jay just pulled you back in stronger, "hmm.. no!"

𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄

it's currently 8 am, your alarm had just gone off, and you have found yourself stuck in jakes strong hold. you tried many things to get out. you've wiggled, stretched, tried shimmering down. yet nothing worked to get out of jakes hold.

"jake.. jake.. let me go...", you tried getting up, just to be pulled back into jakes chest. "5 more minutes", he yawned, putting two arms around you. "YOU SAID THAT 10 MINUTES AGO" it was indeed 10 minutes ago, you looked at the clock and it was 8:10 am. "shhh, baby, don't look at the clock—" he had finally opened his eyes, to nonetheless, see a goddesses face.

the way the sun shined against your hair, the glow you had, the magnificent aura. "woah..", seeing jake distracted by who knows what, you had rolled over onto the floor, making a loud thud sound. "OWWWW", that's when jake snapped back to reality.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

you and sunghoon right now are currently laughing your butt's off, at the park. sunghoon thought it'd be a great idea to have a get away at the most calmest place he knew. the park. not a playground park, a nice grassy, field where kids and their parents, and dog owners came. "yk, this is the nicest place, you've tooken me so far," sunghoon was shocked by your backhanded compliment. "UH— WHAT. HAS OUR LATE NIGHT DATES MEANT NOTHING TO YOU—" that's when he shut up. seeing the sun behind you glow like a misty, cleansing aura. he just sat there on the blanket yall set up. "sunghoon?? hoon?? helloo?," you snapped your fingers at him. "earth to sunghoon?" sunghoon immediately snapped out of it and pulled you for a deep kiss. of course you were shocked but didn't think anything of it, sunghoon was always weird. "damn, you're a goddess for real.."

[va1kyr14]

Right, I have time to sit down and really digest what happened yesterday so here goes. This is mainly going to be about Caitvi but will contain others.

Be warned if you haven't watched it!

So firstly what a fucking ride.

The animation, the story and what they have done is absolutely incredible and have set the bench mark for future studios because my tiny brain is blown.

But diving into the things that I thought could have been better, like a lot of people have said, the pacing seemed off when they nailed it in S1. And yes I did wait until everything was released to share my thoughts. We probably got even more Caitvi content than S1, but with everything going on everywhere and it being a faster paced in regards to action, It did seem like the relationship from S1 to the end was just a bit off. Not saying it wasn't incredible, it was, but I think there were things that didn't add to the story much which could have been replaced with other character progression.

Having said that, I watched all of S1 all in one go when it came out, and I think that if we did the same with S2 and one straight after the other, I don't think we would be necessarily seeing it as much. Just my thoughts.

We didn't get an Caitlyn apology only an acknowledgement apart from when she was speaking to Jinx and an angry Vi separately. We could argue that the way she spoke to Vi before the spice was her was of apologising but I don't know I really would have liked a better explanation.

I did love the two sides of one coin but not the fact that you can't have a universe where both sisters live. That broke my heart but understand it. I also do think Jinx survived, and got out the vents and went off in the blimp at the end. I think Cait knew too, being her smart self but knew that Vi would go after her if she knew. That was a sweet scene at the end - even though not a fan of pirate Cait as I said in a previous post. I hope if they do something in the future she has like a fake eye or something I would prefer that over a patch.

Now moving onto the SEX SCENE....

Holy fucking shit. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that. The animation, the fucking intimacy the likes I have never seen, it was perfect. I do think the setting was a bit weird but when you have all the pent up frustrations and lets be honest they are dramatic lesbians, Its going to happen. I would have liked to have seen it maybe in Cait's bed if anywhere but the urgency mixed with gentleness and all the little micro actions.

The PULL IN AFTER THE UNDOING OF THE BUCKLE.

I can't. Like I am speechless.

It was everything I hoped from a first time, from the giggles to everything else and just every tiny action jesus these animators are something else. I am not ashamed for Netflix to watch the algorithm and see I have watched that same 2 minutes for about 9 hours straight.

It has broken boundaries, not just for queer representation, the fact that neither of them died and got a happy ending in something like Arcane is remarkable, but in regards to animation of a sex scene a lesbian one at that, I think the benchmark has now been set and it will be known as this generations' Korrasami. This is will go down in history and I am not even being dramatic.

Anyway that was more of a ramble than an in depth post, and I have no idea what to do with myself now. We have AO3 and fanart and I guess we will have a bit more content until the end of the month with promotion but I guess when you have a hyperfixation you aren't ready to say goodbye. So I raised a glass to all the content creators who are now going to carry on the mantle. I will be reading and liking everything I can, I salute you.

To summarise, the series could have been better IMO but thats what happens when expectations are so high, there was none of that in series 1 and it was perfect in my eyes. You can't please everyone, but I think Arcane as an overall package is wonderful and Caitvi will live on in my heart and others which have created a benchmark for queer content and I am so proud of everyone involved.

And to all the fellow queers out there...

We did it, we won.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

part 2 of the dave angst fic 🤞

Warnings: Smut, mentions of spanking and rough sex, fingering (f receiving), angst, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Part 1

He never planned on letting you cum. Well, no, he did, but as the night wore on his anger just got worse and fucking you just wasn't enough to settle it.

You were laying down on your side, your ass was red and stinging from him spanking you, your scalp hurt from him tugging on your hair. Your body was sore everywhere from him using you, cunt puffy and bruised, sensitive in all the wrong ways.

Dave had the decency to tuck you in but the sheets stuck to you, he never bother cleaning you up. You were turned to face him, holding the blanket up to your mouth. You couldn't stop crying, tears staining the pillow under your head, coughing into the blanket, your breathing ragged and unstable.

Dave sat on the edge of the bed, refusing to look at you. He was deep in thought, about work, about tours, about everything yet his mind never crossed to you.

He wanted you to stop crying, although it was less of that and more that he just didn't want to hear you crying, so he got up, slipped on a pair of pants, and left the room, leaving you to cry alone.

You cried until your voice went silent, until your eyes and jaw hurt and you had a headache, until you were about to pass out. Dave sat in the living room in silence, staring blankly at the black screen of the TV, elbow resting on the arm of the couch, chin on his closed fist.

After a while you hurt too much, emotionally, physically. You needed Dave to tell you he was sorry and that he loved you. So, despite the pain circulating through your body, you got up and took the blanket with you instead of going through the effort of getting clothes on.

You went and found Dave sitting alone. Your plan had been to go join him but he heard you coming and snapped before you even thought to get a word in. "Go back to bed." His tone was harsh and quick, a bite in his words that made your eyes tear up again.

You tugged the blanket tighter, holding it to your mouth. You just wanted a moment of his time, he didn't have to say anything, all you wanted was to be held, something, anything to show he still loved you.

"I love you." You said, it came out shaky and softer than a whisper. Dave's chest tightened as your words hit his ears, his head whipping around to see your broken demeanor.

He got to his feet and rushed over to you, a look of worry and concern taking over his expression. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asked, quickly scooping you up into his arms.

You tried to wipe at your eyes but it was useless, you couldn't stop your tears from flowing. Dave carried you to the couch and sat down with you in his lap, holding you close and letting your rest your head against him.

"Hey, hey now, it's ok, sweetheart." He said, kissing your forehead, you temple and the top of your head, wherever else he could reach. "Just take your time, I'm not going anywhere."

You got your crying down to hiccups and sniffles, face now littered with Dave's gentle, loving kisses.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked, voice soft. He held your face in his hand, cupping your cheek as he'd done time and time again.

You sniffled, thinking of the right way to word it. "You-your not mad anymore..?" You asked hesitantly.

He shook his head, kissing your forehead again. "No, I'm not mad at you." You stared up at him a moment.

"That's not what I asked, Davie." Dave sucked his teeth and chewed his cheek, eyes flickering over your face.

"I was never mad at you." He started. "But I am mad, and I'm sorry if I made it seem like it was your fault."

You stared up at him, tears brimming your glassy eyes once more but you didn't let them fall this time, no matter how much they stung. "You left." You stated, voice breaking in just those two words.

Dave's brows furrowed. "I left?" He repeated.

"You left, you hurt me and then you just got up and left." Dave thought about what you were talking about, replaying everything that happened.

"I hurt you?" He asked, it was the most important part to him, he would get to the rest of it in a minute but he needed to know if you were in pain. "Worse than normal." He added. It wasn't unusual for you to ache for the next day or two, or seven, having a hard time walking and sitting down was also not uncommon, but you always had Dave there for you and it just didn't feel like that this time.

You shrugged. "No, not really." You said, your ass stung more and you shifted uncomfortably in his lap. "But you didn't love me."

"I love you, sweetheart." He said before you could continue with anything more. "I love you, you weren't ever supposed to feel otherwise." He held you tighter, wanting to envelope you entirely. He hadn't thought too hard about it in the moment but now he was seeing it, there were no 'I love you's, no 'is this ok' or 'you're doing great'.

You sniffled and clung tighter to him. "How do I fix this?" He asked, resting his head on top of yours.

You shrugged before looking up at him, kissing his jaw. "Just love me." As he looked down at you a smile spread across his face.

"Ok, sweetheart, I can do that." He lifted you up, letting you hide under the blankets you had wrapped around your naked body as he carried you to your shared bedroom.

He set you down on the bed, laying you on your bed so he was hovering over you. He smiled down at you, looking over you in your cocooned state. "You look tired, sweetheart." He said, looking at your eyes as they fluttered open and closed.

He flopped onto his back beside you and got out of his pants, tossing them to the floor again. You wiggled your way closer to him, he laughed at your worm dance just to be closer to him, to rest your head on his chest.

The downside was he was now laying completely naked with no blanket to keep him warm, on the upside you were adorable and smiling again.

"You just want sleep." He said, kissing the top of your head sweetly.

You gave a small confirming hum. "Yeah, but you can help me sleep."

He laughed at that. "I don't think you need help, sweetheart." He said, watching your eyes struggle to stay open before you just gave up on trying. Still, he tugged at the blanket and managed to unravel you, pulling the blanket over himself and slipping his arm under it, bringing his hand to your cunt.

He kept an arm wrapped around you, holding you to his side, the other working on pleasing you. He was gentle, careful to not hurt you after what happened earlier. His fingers were featherlight on your puffy, neglected clit, not even bothering to go near your abused hole.

It kept you awake but the warmth of the high creeping up on you and the wave that crashed down on you, it put you to sleep instantly.

Dave was much more careful around you after that, whether he was mad or not he would try his best not to act on it. He made sure you knew he loved you, every morning and every night he told you just as much, he did whatever he could to prove it.

[gojoswhitebabydolllashes]

Omg I heard you were asking for Act 3 requests? Maybe something angsty, the reader and Viktor are in an established relationship, and it could be related to his lack of humanity, their paths splitting, or even his death if you're able to work that out. Basically, sad. Thank you

I cried just thinking about this😭😭

---Falling from grace was okay with you---

It's cold in piltover. Perhaps for all of the month, it had been cold, and it was only getting colder. Viktor was sat by his desk, his bony, mechanical body encased by his navy robe. For what seemed like the greater part of the night, viktor was stuck in his project, never moving or willing to look anywhere that wasn't his gadget.

And for this, you felt tonight was the coldest night of the year.

It was well past midnight when viktor came to you in your quarters. He was tired, body lean, and drooping as he held his elegant cane against himself. Lie strewn across the bed as you had been, waiting for him to return, You watched him as he sorted out a small satchel he brought with him.

"Hello, my love," Viktor kissed your head.

"I missed you vik, you were gone so long"

You spoke as you picked at your nails. There wasn't anything unusual about viktor coming back to you in the late hours of the night. Sometimes, he doesn't come back at all.

There is nothing quite as painful as watching your lover become a stranger. You feel as though this is the first time you've ever seen him since your wedding. 2 years ago. Viktor is sitting on the small chair at the end of your bed as he takes off his dark robe.

"I had a late night. I apologize if I worried you"

"It's not the first time you have. You should stop staying so late, baby. It's not good for you"

Viktor grunted. "How do you know what's good for me?" His tone was sharp and harsh, but quick, like he had been waiting to say it.

Your eyes narrowed, and your mouth pursed. A worried glint went bright in your eyes as you caught viktors Amber hue in your gaze. There's something inside his dilated pupil that haunts you and eats you from the inside out all within one glance.

His eyes have grown so dark, like burnt chocolate. He himself has grown so dark. And almost alien like, you almost don't recognise him and you wouldn't know it was him if you didn't see his freckle.

"What happened to you, viktor?" Your brows arched upwards. Your face spoke volumes, and viktor knew he couldn't get out of this again.

He liked to avoid arguing. It was his ignorance and arrogance that led to his undoing. Viktor was the love of your life, but watching as he, time and time again, ignored the issues that were arising within your relationship.

"I can't keep doing this viktor I can't." Tears welled in your eyes as you stared at him.

His Amber eyes like a desert, barren and dry, and with little to no sense of water outside of the tears that threatened to drip from the ducts.

"I don't know what you want from me." viktor looked at the floor.

He always looks at the floor.

"I want my husband back. I can't keep watching you deteriorate and not do anything about it"

Viktor weakly banged his mechanical, purple fist against the bedpost, shaking it slightly. Your lips parted, and your eyes tried their hardest to soften.

"I am not sick." Viktor sneered. "I am an amalgamation of all that is me. I never wanted my human body"

You tilted your head as you sat up, your hand reached for his, and for the first time in a long time, there was magic that wasn't just a blue crystal.

"Being human isn't just being sick. It's being able to feel every emotion. Small or big, whether you stub your toe or go sky diving, it's all about the experience" you smiled at him.

Your face was hopeful that viktor would understand. But his own said otherwise, he seemed almost monster like with his deep purple eye bags and his darkening eyes. His cheekbones are more defined and more prominent than ever. His hair is longer and messier.

"Outside of you, I have nothing to live for." His lips curled down into a pained frown.

Nothing? What about jayce? And hextech? And a future where piltover and zaun exist peacefully? What about the children you could have and how you will grow old together?

"You have everything to live for"

"I HAVE NOTHING!" Viktor exclaimed, his voice hoarse and raspy. Almost alienlike

Your poor boy was so tired. He was so very tired.

"If you do not want to keep living like this. Just say it. Say it, and I'll leave." Viktor spoke gently.

"Leave? N-no I don't want you to leave?!"

Your mind raced a million miles an hour. Your eyes darting around, panicking. "I want you to stay, so that w-we can fi-fix this"

Viktor shunned his head away and shook it. You could see in his face, even now, that he has so much on his mind and he doesn't know what to do with it.

"We are beyond fixing, my love. Our paths are long diverged, and it was simply our souls that have kept us together. " viktor stood up straight and leant on his decorated cane.

"N-no," you shook your head.

Standing up in front of viktor, your eyes pleaded with his own. There was no longer the curious and hopeful sparkle in his golden brown eyes, but now a river of tar and mahogany.

"Is it better for us to die together?" You asked.

"We died long ago. I will not die with you again. You need to let me go. You do not want this with me"

"I want everything with you -"

Viktor put his cold metal hand on your tear stained face. His thumb stroked your cheek gently.

"Do not cry, love"

"Viktor..."

You spoke featherlight, barely audible.

"Goodbye, my love. I hope that there is a world where I did not turn my back to you"

[chu-diaries]

140 days of productivity: day 103/140

📸: reading and working + my cat is crazy about lemongrass

I’m proud of my productive day. I’m struggling to wake up early because of my meds, but at least I feel rested when I get out of bed — usually around 8:30 am. I had breakfast at my backyard and read a few pages of my book (which I’m not loving but still trying my best to keep reading it). Then I worked hard on my candle company and barely took breaks. I also did laundry, folded clean clothes, went to my yoga class after dinner and listened to EXO-CBX all day just because I miss them terribly.

🔥: day 16/27

💧: 1,5 L

🧠: meditation (10 min)

🧘🏻‍♀️: yoga practice (1 h)

🏃🏻‍♀️: 🚫

🕯️: worked on my instagram feed + designed new posts + sold candles (8 h)

📿: 🚫

🇰🇷: 🚫

📺: arcane ep. 2-4

📚: the diagnosis and other stories by jostein gaarder

🎧: girl problems by exo-cbx

🛑: 🚫

💊: vitamins and supplements taken

[roseandbee]

Negative temps are gonna make me nocturnal 😣🥶

[skunkes]

mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up

I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.

I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.

and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!

None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening

[tamagotchikgs]

i love how when u have long natural nails u can put them up towards a bright background and only see the pointed tips n they look like claws

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[kuromi-hoemie]

hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

[jorvikzelda]

today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

[keeps-ache]

need to be exploding something but i Can't for some reason. just Can Not. my ability to do is just. Nay

[weareweirdpeople]

Oh god why the physical discomfort is happening again. Why is it so tiring to walk or do anything. No matter how much I sleep, I'm still tired. I manage my diabetes well. Why does my body just make existing feel bad.

[hballegro]

alright here's the essay under the cut.

entirely just my experience w/ MASH, almost no editing [just spelling mistakes and a few apostrophe misuses]. fair warning, my father was [is] an alcoholic and a horrible person, and i mention that a bit, so if thats something you're sensitive to, bewarned.

         My story with M*A*S*H begins a hundred years ago when I was somewhere between 5 and 8, old enough to watch television but not old enough to remember how old I was when I was doing it. The childhood I had was overall unremarkable, marred only by my pitiful excuse for a father that parented by either drinking or being hungover on the couch in between screaming at his children or beating his wife. Unfortunately, he is part of this story, but only accidentally. See, he used to do all that stuff in our unfinished basement, on an old ugly couch, hiding from his family all day. Then, eventually, he decided he liked the couch and television upstairs better, and plagued the family room for many years instead, putting whatever he wanted to watch on instead of letting his children watch cartoons. I ended up liking The Three Stooges quite a lot, less out of actually thinking it was fun and more out of it being the only thing he’d put on that I found remotely entertaining, so I was taking what I could get. We kept the old burned CDs he’d made of them after he moved out.

         Anyway. My mother had (and still has) a television in her room (it used to be their room, but she kicked him out) that she could avoid him with. Not wanting to be around the violent cesspool of a person on my couch, I’d sometimes crawl to her room, so as not to let him see me and have him make me come over and listen to some music or whatever he wanted. Old guitarist reliving his glory days or something, I couldn’t tell you. But anyway, I’d enter her room and sit down on her bed with her or on the floor, and we’d watch TV. More often than not, she’d put on MeTV, because she watched those old shows with her own father, and it was a bright spot in her memory that gave her some escapism too. There were a lot of shows on there, but I only really ever remembered things like Gilligan’s Island, ALF, Columbo, Bewitched, The Twilight Zone, and, of course, M*A*S*H.

         I liked the other shows, of course. I remember them fondly, especially Gilligan’s Island, maybe it was the catchy theme song with words I could learn. I didn’t like how brown and gross Columbo was, but my mom explained that that’s just how it looked back then. I thought the puppet on ALF was funny, and The Twilight Zone scared me, but I was still interested. I remember enough of Bewitched to remember the nose wiggle and constantly mix it up with I Dream of Jeannie for some reason. Really, anything was better than watching the same episode of Farscape again, which I’ve heard is actually a very good show, but my father kept forgetting that he’d already made me start watching it, and so every viewing session was just the pilot. That’s also the reason I never learned Spanish.

         But then I got to M*A*S*H. I won’t lie to you and say that, as a wizened 5-to-8-year-old, I could ‘tell something was special’ about this show. It was a show. It was a show that I remember looking at my mom during, and seeing her really happy. Later she told me, after watching it with me in present day, that she would watch it with her own father, before her parents got divorced. Her father more or less was not present in her life after the split, and that happened when she was 14-ish. The show started airing when she was the age I was when I watched it with her, and she and her father made a weekly thing of it. Neither of us at that age should have watched it, but for both of us, it was forming a little bright spot in our minds, a good dream with a parent when times were tough.

         I remember laughing, even if I didn’t get all the jokes. I remember thinking I liked the shade of red one of the characters wore, and also the shade of dark blue the same character wore sometimes. I remember one or both of my siblings being there sometimes, laughing along. One of my siblings told me recently that B.J. Hunnicutt and John ‘Trapper’ McIntyre, both filling roles as doubles partners for Benjamin Franklin ‘Hawkeye’ Pierce, had merged into the same person in their memory. I thought that was hilarious; how could they ever think those were the same person! B.J. Hunnicutt had a mustache! Imagine my surprise re-watching season 4’s opener, ‘Welcome to Korea’, featuring a clean-cut fresh-faced Mike Farrell, lacking the horse brush I had so clearly remembered him housing under his nose.

         But the rewatching, yes, the rewatching. It started innocently enough. Between breaks at college, far beyond my young-youth, the real youth people mean when they use that word, my mother opened it up on the tv and put it on. No matter what era you go to in our household, the TV was always going. Most of the time no one was watching it, sometimes blatantly, loudly, explosively chattering and guffawing and gasping with our own business and ignoring it entirely. It was background noise, we all needed it, so we always had it. But something a little strange happened; my mother was watching it, as she often did when she put something on in the evenings to massage her brain to bed after a long day at work. I was typing away at something on my laptop, like I am now, sitting on the couch with her, which I am also doing now (although she’s long gone to bed), and I looked up.

         I saw Hawkeye.

         It didn’t feel like a rush of emotion, it didn’t feel like something important was happening. That was just my old friend. Looking absolutely horrible with the haircut he was rocking in the pilot, but I remembered him. The pilot doesn’t open with the theme, as I recognized that as soon as it played, it opens with golf, a little vignette of the camp before the choppers come in with wounded. I saw Hawkeye, I saw his shirt, and it really was like when you see an old friend, one you can’t really remember what all you did with, or where you met, or even each other’s names anymore, but you know they mean something to you. You knew this person, and you liked them, you liked them enough that even though you forgot everything else, you remember the love that was there.

         And it was a very small thing that happened, and it didn’t happen with every episode, but I would pause my music. My own background noise to drown out everyone else’s background noise, blasting into my headphones. I’d pause my music, read the subtitles, hear them faintly through muffled ears, and laugh along. Smile when I’d see a smile, and a little more than half pay attention.

         I went back to college, life went on, we only got maybe to the beginning of season two, but my mom didn’t continue without me. She waited, and eventually, I came home for the summer, summer of 2024.

         She put it on again, and the same thing happened. But this time, I way more than half paid attention. I really paid attention. By the time we got to Abyssinia, Henry, I completely paused whatever I was doing when it was on and sat, laptop open, head at a 45 degree angle to watch the TV. I’d still futz around during commercial breaks, but I waited for the commercial breaks to do anything now. More and more it warmed my heart, to see all these old friends I’d forgot about, drag them all out of the closet, finally see B.J. Hunnicutt with that stupid mustache again for the first time in over 15 years at least—it was all so amazing. I was laughing at this show that came out over 20 years before I was even born. My parents hadn’t even met yet when this thing ended. Then, of course, because of the way my brain unfortunately works, it is now all I can think about it, to the point I’ve convinced several people to watch it just by virtue of never-shutting-the-hell-up.

         And then? I finally got to see all my friends go home.

         I remember the night I watched the finale with my mother. We’d gotten to the penultimate episode, and we’d paused. It was near 8ish, near my mother’s bedtime, and she and I both agreed we could not handle the finale that night, it was too much. And so we put on something, My Name is Earl, anything to make noise, something funny, something light. That’s how the next several days went; do we feel like we can handle the end? No. Tonight? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe after dinner? It was a long day.

         But then, after dishes had been cleared and we were both sitting quietly, the sun had already gone down, and she proposes we watch it.

         So we did.

         I don’t cry at things anymore. I used to cry all the time as a kid, scraped knee, called an idiot by a sibling, way too much crying even for a kid. I got it out of my system, apparently, because now I’m an adult and I have trouble with making tears, and when they do come, they sneak up on me. The last time I remember crying was at my grandmother’s funeral, months ago, and before that, I have no idea. I get misty-eyed, sure, but nothing makes me boohoo.

         The same held for the finale. Contrasted heavily by my mother, the woman that regularly cries at especially-touching commercials, shedding a few for every other scene (the bus revelation, the final meal, Charles’s music adventure finale, the wedding dress, every single goodbye, and of course the big one at the end), I was mostly quiet. I remember it ending, and thinking, well, that was about the best finale I’d ever seen. I also thought about how I’d seen strikingly few finales, and that I ought to see more series through til the end. I spoke with my mother a bit about it, we had some good moments from the program tossed back and forth, and she went to bed.

         Then I took a shower, and after I got out, the floodgates busted. I was boohooing alright, blubbering too, but I couldn’t point to why. Sure, there were moments in the episode worthy of tears, but this was full sobbing, aching and pitiful and messy. I just left it as something not to worry about, and went on. Since then, on my own, I’ve rewatched select episodes, watched the finale (again) with the sibling that confused Trapper and B.J., done three paintings of stills from the show, made a miniature version of the signpost for my mom, and started writing again for the express purpose of doing things with these characters, and I’ve only now put a fine point on it. It’s a threefold answer of why I fell apart leaving the shower after watching an episode of television that aired 40 years ago.

         The first is simple; I have got it in my head that I need to be alright for everyone. If I’m happy, then everything is okay. I think it’s a relic from what made me stop crying, this need to tell everyone, “Hey, I’m the crybaby, so if I’m okay, then really, everything is okay!” My tears are (were) meant to be shed in private. They were my own cross to bear, especially for places like the bathroom where I could get privacy, as I shared a room with a sibling growing up. This is something I’m getting better about.

         The second answer is very warm; I finished M*A*S*H with my mom. I remember my grandfather, though he wasn’t too present in my life, and I loved him. He passed when I was young, but I was old enough to remember him, and his death date is near my birthday. My birthday is actually near a lot of either death-dates or birthdays of people that are now dead that my mom loved very much, so I am constantly reminded that my birth is the only good thing that happens to her that month. Finishing the show with her was special. We did it. It’s a tradition now. I don’t plan to have kids, but the future may be strange. At the very least, I know at least one sibling does, so I’ll just have to make sure their kids watch it, too. I don’t have anything of my grandfather’s, his family wasn’t kind to mine  and took pretty much everything when he died, but now I have this show. And I have this with my mother. It keeps my heart warm.

         And lastly, the thing responsible for the most boohooing, is that, like I said; I got to see my friends go home.

         I didn’t really think about it hard, but these were my little friends. I couldn’t remember them, but I remembered that I loved them. That they were something that made me happy, and made my very sad mother happy when I was little. They were funny, they were going through a very bad time and they were still being nice to each other and doing their best. They laughed, cried, cried some more, laughed some more. They drank, but in a safer way than what I knew of it at home, so it felt okay. They hugged, they fought, they loved each other. Then they were locked away in a little memory in my heart, and they sat there for over a decade, nearly two. And then those lovely people that made my life a little bit better finally, finally,

         Got to go home.

         A catharsis.

         Everything isn’t perfect, but all of us are somewhere better now. We have new problems. We have old scars. But the big bad is over. A little part of me healed. It was okay, finally. They got home. It’s okay.

         And if I can pick up a show from the 70’s about the 50’s that’s also still about the 70’s and the Vietnam war about all war that’s also about love and family and surgery with a cast that’s almost all gone now that so painfully soldered its place in my heart that watching the end of it all put me in a puddle on the floor of my bathroom at 11 at night, if I can wait 15 years and still manage to rouse these old soldiers and send them home, a little cracked but finally safe,

         I think B.J. Hunnicutt can drive those 3,000 miles to a little place in Maine to see his best friend. 

[newtness532]

okay i need to find something to crochet or knit or sth cause i really cant spend one more day just sitting in my bed doing nothing