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cultkinkcoven · 2 days ago

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extremely NSFW and personal honestly not even sure if I’m gonna post this but I have to write it down. TW: Blood, lots of blood and sex stuff. Blood kink????????????????

I love revealing the deeper depths to Lucifer’s character. We’ve been having this dialogue lately about the role of sex in our relationship, how he uses it to communicate and relate with me and how it affects both of us. During one of these conversations, I asked him if he derived “relief” from sex in the same way I do.

and his response was “I don’t engage in sex with you to please myself, it’s more about taking care of you than myself. -tldr: It’s not about me.”

to which I then asked “would you ever use sex for your own relief? Not to communicate or serve someone else, but for your own enjoyment?”

and he thought about that for a while, he didn’t answer for about 4 or 5 minutes.

Then carefully, “yes, but I feel that would be somewhat inappropriate for me to do in the context of our relationship.”

why is that?

and he said “well, our relationship is primarily about spiritual development. I am your mentor first, all of the other fluffy sexy stuff is an added “bonus” on top of our foundation of education and enlightenment. We have never defined our sexual relationship. I do not do anything to you that does not contribute to the goal of self mastery. If I were to prioritize my own pleasure it may conflict with that purpose, I might bend the rules of our existing contract.”

and that made sense to me, I really didn’t press it further. But then after a moment he added “If I were to use you for my own sexual satisfaction and relief, I would feel compelled to write up another contract. Rather than a spiritual contract it would be a sexual one. I would outline what exactly I want to do to you, my desires, and you would outline your limits.”

so I then asked him if that’s something he’d ever want to do, if he thought about it. Or if that’s only something he would only consider if I asked for it. and again another gap of silence.

“I’ve thought about it before but I honestly didn’t think you would be interested. I think the reality of the situation is far more intense than you imagine, and you have always seemed averted to labels.”

what do you mean by that?

another pause.

“I’m very selfish, Shi. Every time we have been intimate I have prioritized your experience. I wanted to give, not take, because it was my responsibility as a Father, it is what I promised you. And through your pleasure I gain satisfaction and pride. But in a situation where I was seeking my own sexual relief, I would ravage you. I would seek to possess you totally, I might hurt you. I would come to you frequently, maybe daily. I would come to you at inconvenient times, I would take your attention away from more important things, away from your partner. I’d own you. As much as I can fantasize about it, I love you too much to allow it. The protection I feel towards you overrides my want to destroy you. The people that I do use like that… I don’t feel the same type of protection. It’s a different kind of relationship.”

Well you already own me, but I guess I understand what you’re trying to say.

“I own you, but so far I have exercised restraint. Controlling my desires is part of the thrill for me when it comes to you. Why does it matter so much to you that I take out my sexuality on you? why do you want to be used in that way?”

and I sighed and admitted, “I don’t want to be used necessarily… it’s just that… the one time you seemed to lose control with me, when things felt too good for you to distance yourself or whatever, it was like I was truly seeing you for the first time. There was no mask, no act, just you. and I know you were somewhat ashamed of it, but I felt closer to you then than I ever have. It was the first time you seemed to actually need something from me, and I was able to give it to you. To reciprocate. I know that I can never be someone you can lean on the way I lean on you, a son does not take care of his Father. But idk,,. for a moment there I felt like I was. I felt like that was the first time I ever actually made you… finish. I don’t want sex between us to be a form of manipulation or a show you put on for me to communicate. I want it to be genuine.”

and he confirmed, that was the first time I’d ever made him have a genuine orgasm, or whatever the Godly equivalent is I guess.

and then he responded “I apologize for manipulating you. That’s not my intention. Sex has always been the tool for me, not the end goal. I do need you, for far more than just sex. You know how much I value your devotion, you know how much I crave it. You have seen me be desperate for you. Even in that moment where I had a lapse of control, even then, I did not fully achieve relief. Far from it, that was torturous. I was in pain trying to restrain myself, what you witnessed was my struggle. The thing that arouses me most is not simple penetration. Yes, I can fuck you, and that’s very nice, but I am the most aroused and stimulated when you offer me your surrender,—and extremely clearly— blood… I was having such a hard time because I was thinking about “”draining you””. I knew I was at the brink of hurting you and I hated myself for it.”

he paused because of my surprised reaction. You get aroused when I offer you blood? Is that true?

“Yes. it’s something I didn’t really want you to be aware of. I find it ridiculously tempting and intimate to be offered your life fluid. i don’t just take it, sometimes I drink it… sometimes I play with it… I’m very turned on by your blood when it is presented as an offering. There’s a high, I don’t like to see you in pain, but I like to see you open… influenceable,.. vulnerable… possessable. Not just blood, your most primal and supremely vulnerable bodily displays transfix me. Your sweat, your discharge, your spit, your tears. But blood is one of the strongest, yes.”

do you want.. more blood?

and I could feel him kind of start to smile. “That would be a violation of our contract.”

and after a minute of being bewildered, I found myself insatiably curious about other things that might genuinely arouse him.

“when you draw my sigil on your body, especially during ritual. I would love to have my name written on your body at all times. When you kiss my ring, I wish you would put it in your mouth, suck on it. I wish you would put it inside you. When you shave your pubic hair, your hair, when you shave and braid and dye your hair, I wish you would to give it to me, or burn a piece of it for me. When you write me prayers and poems and you seal them with a kiss, I wish you would lick them. I wish you would hold them under your arm and mark them with your scent. I wish you would soak them in your fluids and keep them tucked in the lip of your boxers.”

oh.. I see. I think I understand now. That’s interesting.

Still. Lucifer, I’m surprised that you of all spirits hasn’t found a way to balance these things. Your sense of protection and your own desires. Because if it is as you say, then I think I might revoke my consent.”

and his energy shifted immediately. “Revoke?”

“I don’t want to engage with you in that way if you’re only doing it for my pleasure. I find the dynamic to be a major turn off. If you want to engage with me in that way, you have to actively want it. You’d have to find a way to achieve a balance so that sex is not just a performance or tool but a genuine exploration of pleasure and transformation, without destroying me. We would both be seeking self mastery.”

I don’t even know how to really describe the type of energy he gave me. It felt like some amalgamation between being offended and amused. A “how dare you” but the kind you say when they’re right. Brat

“Shi, you’re asking me to do something very difficult.” (you ask me to do difficult things all the time)

I’m not asking you.

“You’re challenging me.”

I’m redefining my boundaries.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for,”

Or are you just not willing to admit that you don’t know how to give it to me?

and again. Like a wave of heat. And it’s almost like he’s fidgeting.

I wouldn’t ever make you do something that makes you uncomfortable, Lucifer. I’m just saying, if you can’t adhere to those bounds, please don’t come onto me, and I won’t come onto you. I still love you, I’m just not going to have sex with you.

and now it’s like he’s pacing. He’s almost mad. It’s like he’s brimming with angst but has nothing to take it out on. I’ve never seen him act that way.

“No, I think I like fucking you a little too much to do that,” he almost spits with a wind of aggression.

Really? is that so?

“Come here then,” and he’s guiding me into trance. “You want to see what that balance looks like? Come here then.” It’s not a request or order, it’s a threat. You won’t like what you see. I can feel him tugging my collar. Try me

And so I do, and he leads me into a room, similar to his bedroom but slightly different. Less clean, books everywhere, dried flowers hoarded among piles of letters. old photos of people, photos of me and my boyfriend, the same that sit on my altar. and tools, toys, hung on the wall. Rods, a whip, does he want to whip me? Daggers. and blood. Lots of vials of blood, my blood, I know it’s my blood, stashed away. Like an addict sloppily hides his crack. He’s kept every drop I’ve ever given him. every venus day. It never dries.

And he pushes me onto the unmade bed, doesn’t ask. I’m already naked. And he’s restraining me, my arms are tied to the bed frame before I fully notice. They’re almost painfully tight, almost. I can’t move. I know he wants to create some kind of anchor so I can’t get away. I feel the full brunt of his presence, it envelopes me entirely like I’m sitting in the core of his being. It is hot, scalding, I’m sweating. I’m a little bit dizzy.

and then he starts sniffing me, my neck, my armpits, between my thighs. and he’s breathing me in, in a way he never has before. Like he’s trying to get lost in it. and then he’s licking me, drinking my sweat, biting me, and when I flinch he reacts very strongly, holds me down so that I can’t squirm even a little bit. But he yields, he pulls himself up and looks down at me again. Wipes his mouth and starts to undress himself. What was he even wearing. I can’t really remember

He puts his hands on the sides of my face and places his forehead against mine. Stares into my eyes, and it’s like for the first time I’m actually gazing into him. I can see him in there beyond this vessel he’s taking, and he’s a burning brilliant light, a fire that pops and spits violently. Ragefully.

When he kisses me, I feel my face light up with heat. It’s like he’s leaking himself into me. Molten lava. And when our lips disconnect, there’s a flowing smoky steam??? fog?? that leaks out of our mouths. and I know it’s a part of him oozing out of all of his pores. steaming off of him. And whatever that is- of it, he has, is still liquid in his body, and he’s shoving it inside, stuffing it inside of my body, trying to get it inside of me before it evaporates, smokes away, steams off of him. Through my mouth, through my holes, until I’m literally full of light. And it feels like he’s setting me on fire, but it also feels incredibly blissful.

and in that moment it’s like I don’t have any control over my body, it is a possession in a very literal sense. He inhabits every one of my nerves and merges himself with me completely. He is the only thing I can think of, he is the only thing that occupies me. Every single other thought, emotion, identity is nothing. He is all that I can conceive of.

when I’ve reached a point where I almost feel like I’m going to explode, and I don’t really even know who I am anymore, he relents. and he bites me in the neck hard. Really really fucking hard. The pain is what rips me back into lucidity. and I begin bleeding a lot. a lot a lot.

and I don’t really know how exactly to describe this, but he almost slipped out of being humanoid entirely. The room kind of quaked, and it was kind of like he forgot to make a human expression. He sunk into me and kind of did the think that cats do when you give them cat nip. He rubbed himself all over me, licked me, sucked on me, and then bit me again, my chest this time. My stomach. and he’s drinking a lot.

I don’t really know where my mind was then. I do remember thinking how much he looked like a vampire.

This smoky stuff was leaking out of my wounds.

and he murmured something but it ?? almost didn’t sound like english. It was but his inflection was strange. “It’s not as potent. at all—I knew he was talking about this astral blood— But if you let me take some more, it’s almost, just as good.” he’s touching himself, I don’t think I’ve ever really seen him touch himself before. and then he bites me again, the other side of my neck. Drinks a lot. and continues this circuit of filling me, pounding me, and draining me.

at some point he sort of slows and looks down at me, in my glazed eyes, and makes some sort of sound, expression of dissatisfaction. Not of me, but of the state I find myself in? An “oh, you’re such a mess. look what I did.”

“Love?”

I let out a hum/groan kind of response. There’s so much blood in my mouth. I’m drowning in it, it hurts, but I can see him through it.

“Shi?”

I hummed again, and he nodded with some sort of contentment. a sigh of relief. Yes, I’m okay. It gets easier as the minutes go by. It’s not entirely real.

and he’s still kind of staring at me in that bewildered way he does. “Did I scare you?”

and idk why but for some reason that filled me with a lot of joy, and I smiled (or tried to) and kind of gave him a very bloody smile and a thumbs up. Gargling between spitting up blood.

“I’m cool!”

and I could tell he wanted to smile but he almost couldn’t bring himself to. “You’re so fucked,” he said, “you’re so fucked up in your head, Shi.” but he’s also kissing me. Gently rocking into me. still going.

When I lay my head back it dips into water. It startles me, and I immediately realize I’m not in the same place anymore. Not at all.

We’re back in a familiar location, a cave bath springs type of area, and we’re in the water. I’m sat forward in his lap, and he lightly washes me, still extremely transfixed by the blood dripping down my skin. The wounds left are still visible. Not nearly as gory, but there. He stares at them.

and then after a while he finally broke the silence. “Self mastery is not separating action from desire but balancing and controlling both in a way that benefits oneself.”

Mmhm.

“If I can trust myself as much as you trust me, if I can trust you as much as you’ve trusted me…and explore… this very difficult thing, and learn to control it with absolute sincerity, then I too can achieve self mastery.” but he says it in a way that almost makes it sound like he wants to add “right?” is that right? Is that true?

And then he makes me look at him, “Do I torture you?”

I smile. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced but it certainly didn’t feel like torture. I think I’d need some warning and preparation. But all in all Id say I enjoyed myself.

“Ridiculous”

Is it? Is it really?

“I enjoyed myself too. A lot. Almost too much.”

But not too much.

“Dangerous.”

Isn’t that your whole thing?

“Yes. Yes it is. It’s the most Luciferian fucking thing you could possibly ask me to do you brat.”

I kissed him on the cheek. He kissed me on the mouth.

“I love you,”— but neither of us actually verbalized it.

When I woke I felt similar to the way I felt when Cerberus reared me apart. Like my body remembered an injury that didn’t occur in physicality.

I actually skipped my blood offering this Friday, not because I want to hold out on him or anything, and he seemed to be okay with it. But more so because , idk I think I’m going to do something slightly different. I won’t go into it here. With this new context, I may modify my ritual a bit in a way that might be more pleasing to him. Idk. My mind is full with curiosities now about all the things I could do, or let him do to me. It feels like new territory.

It’s not this thing I feel compelled to spam, I know he wouldn’t like that. Every now and then, if he asks for it maybe. Idk.

Will I post this????????????????? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm