#it's genuinely so annoying that i am forced to see something i don't care about even if it's blazed

[starrybong]

why do so many people blaze hockey posts

like why is every blazed post i see something about hockey

[syoddeye]

consequence / ink

price x f!reader | 1.6k words series directory tags: alcohol, miscommunication (resolved) a/n: john is a down bad, as the youths would say. thank you to my beloved @/pfhwrittes for britpicking. ☕

her cast is gone. a sleeve hides the arm, but it’s clearly off.

john holds the door for a customer, unsure if he ought to take another step or retreat while he can. he tried to compose a text on the flight, on the drive, in the shower. a heads-up, a ‘hello, i’ve returned, i’m sorry, don't worry about my face when you see it’—but he couldn’t. somehow, he thought simply turning up would be better.

when she spots him, the look on her face says a text would’ve been the right call.

ah, well.

she glares over the other man’s shoulder as he pays. he’s truly awful because it only makes him happier to see her. if she didn’t care, her face would be a blank slate.

the man takes a short eternity to move to the end of the bar. john checks to ensure he isn’t holding up a queue he knows isn’t there, if only to buy another second—

“yurbeck.” she blurts out.

“sorry?”

slower, she repeats herself, “you’re back.”

“i am. you’re healed up.” 

“you’re not.”

the black eye he sports is ugly but faded. yellowish, with ugly splotches of blood still pooled beneath the skin. he’d like to say, you should see the other guy, but the bastard’s probably jaguar shit by now. instead, he shrugs. “looks worse than it feels. can we grab a drink when you’re off?”

she glances and frowns at her coworker, who’s clearly listening in over the noise of the espresso machine and sighs. her uncertainty is as plain as day.

“no.”

alright. damage control. he can fix this, he thinks, heart crashing into his gut. he didn’t leave her on bad terms. “listen, i know—”

she interrupts a second time. “we’ll go to mine.”

his mouth shuts, teeth clacking. he won’t argue with that.

~~

before you leave the café, you check your last exchange.

>> thanks for dinner the other night. i had a wonderful time. unfortunately, i won’t be by for a bit.

> ominous > prison?

>> not quite. work. i won’t be able to text.

> well don’t be gone too long > i might forget your order

it’s ridiculous, in hindsight, all your worrying over a man you assumed ghosted you. a regular you took a stupid leap of faith for. the shopping trip was a way to test the waters, and despite an awkward intensity he seemed desperate to hide and his bad jokes, john charmed you. even when you extended the exam to your place, he passed. no snide comments about cece or the decor. he helped with cooking without being asked. washed the dishes. it was a wonderful time. he said it. you believed it.

but two months isn’t ‘a bit’. it’s a disappearing act.

you say as much, as annoyed with yourself as you are with him. he quietly concedes he could have explained better. you tell him friends don’t go MIA for weeks. he laughs.

~~

“funny you should say that.”

“what?”

john stares hard at her profile as they walk. this part is always hard. pivotal. he puts it simply: “i’m in the military—special forces. that’s why i was ‘MIA’, as you put it.”

her brows raise, but she doesn’t falter. “oh.”

his lip curls. he’s been cussed out, fawned over, and ditched entirely for sharing his profession. no one usually reacts so little. it’s a divisive topic. everyone’s got an opinion. 

“that’s it? oh?” john echoes, trying to tease something out. he once listened to her harsh critique of the illegibility of packaging at the café—he cannot imagine her indifference as genuine. “you can ask questions, y’know.”

“okay. where were you? what were you doing?”

crawling on my belly through mud and fending off giant cockroaches. shooting. getting shot at.

“seeing the sights, meeting people.”

that withering glare returns, but it’s shorter-lived this time. she huffs. “see, i assumed ‘special forces’ means it’s the type of military business you don’t get answers about.”

“yes and no. i can’t compromise my clearance.”

“what can you tell me?”

he smiles when she sneaks a look, irritation giving way to curiosity. “i sunburn very easily.”

she snorts. “no way, not with that complexion.”

“and, i have thirty, forty mosquito bites where the sun doesn’t shine.”

john’s bruised cheek hurts from grinning as she laughs. this is the first time he’s heard it uninhibited, neither bitten back nor politely smothered by a hand. he needs to brush up on his humor. he needs to hear that sound more often.

“sorry. i’m a mess.”

john aligns their shoes and removes his jacket. it’s hardly messy. her flat appears mostly unchanged, except for the small mountain of citrus on her dining table. a single banana. she starts to sweep it into a plastic bin, but he catches a stray orange, and his thumb drags over an odd indentation. he turns it in hand, eyebrows pitching at the sight of a rose etched into the skin.

“is this…?” 

he watches her press a machine into a foam insert, then hurriedly zip a case shut. the look on her face clearly says he wasn’t supposed to see that. 

she takes the orange and shrugs. “something i’m having fun with. a new hobby.”

“solid work for a hobby.”

“don’t tease.”

“you’d know if i was.” 

she excuses herself to change after setting the bin aside, stepping over a wary cece. the cat stands guard at the mouth of the hall. unimpressed. he can practically hear the and where have you been?

john gives the cat a fond but tight smile. he’ll need to get in good with her again, too, it seems. he checks the water bowl before settling onto the couch. cece follows to investigate, her tiny black nose tapping his knuckles when he offers a hand. 

her aloofness swiftly melts after he coaxes her into his lap, though he suspects that the subsequent stabbing of her kneading paws is her brand of punishment. little thing seems to relish it.

“you can move her if she’s too much.”

his face lifts, and he wonders if the cat feels the palpitations in his chest.

given what he’s only just learned, he shouldn't be surprised, but the patchwork tattoos decorating her arms steal his breath anyway. the impulse to touch is instant. to trace every fine line and jealously ask where she had them done and by whom. 

he grips the arm of the couch hard, and cece pauses her biscuit-making, eyes half-lidded and judgmental. dismissing the cat, he nonchalantly places a throw pillow over his lap and scrubs a hand over his face.

the plot thickens.

“nice ink. didn’t realize you had any. makes sense.”

“yep. twenty-one. mm. no. twenty-two.”

far more than what the shirt shows. “any damage?” 

her head tilts as she cracks the refrigerator, pulling two bottles by their necks. “nope. don’t got anything there.”

john takes a beer as she plops down. she tucks her legs beneath, and he studies the artfully drawn black shapes on the one arm: a network of barbed thorns and flowers, a woman contorted into a skull, a mouse sleeping in a sardine tin, a stamp, and several stars.

“do you have any?” she asks, taking a swig.

nothing as lovely as hers. the first and last instance john had time to sit for a piece, he was clean-shaven and further from the thick of it. but she’s shown him hers; returning the favor is only polite. “one.” he sets the bottle aside to ruck up his left sleeve. she shifts, and the tips of his ears redden. fuck he wishes it wasn’t so—

“traditional. ha, had you pinned for the type. cute.”

cute. the ink has faded into muted tones, the lines softened. the mermaid’s once coy smile blurs into a vague shape, and now that he looks at it, the anchor’s shank is slightly crooked. the subtle, natural distortions of time make the mermaid perched in the curved arm of the anchor appear as aged as his face.

“can i?” 

she extends a hand. has she touched him before? intentionally?

“yes.”

her fingers follow the lines without an ounce of hesitation or hovering. the corner of her mouth quirks when john instinctively squeezes his bicep, the mermaid’s blue tail flexing under her thumb. he can’t tell what she’s thinking despite watching her pretty eyes. he simply laments he doesn’t have more to show her if only to keep her this close.

john’s focus narrows to the heat of her hand as it moves. he imagines five perfect ovals burning into his arm hair where she grabs and adjusts her view. that his skin might melt, and her palm would graft to his limb for all time, barring surgical intervention.

the first words out of her mouth in a minute are a bucket of cold water.

“six inches, right?”

“what?”

her gaze flicks up. “from the tip to the base?” a prolonged beat passes before she adds, “or, i guess, to the fins of her tail?”

she’s gonna be the death of me. 

“i think so.”

“it’s aged well.”

“ah. you’re taking the piss.”

“you’d know if i was.” she echoes. “i’m serious. i’m guessing it’s fifteen or twenty years old? it could look worse.” her nails scritch in a tight circle for a half-second, long enough that he might combust, but she pulls away and swirls her beer. “why’d you stop at one?”

“busy schedule. and i don’t want to be too identifiable.”

“yes. the chops are the subtler choice.” she smiles behind the bottle. “now i’m taking the piss.”

john thinks of precisely three responses to her cheek, none of which make it to his tongue. he sips slowly, catching on a slip of skin when she stretches, the hem of her shirt lifting just so. a tempting black line practically hooks his eye before it disappears.

“oh, you’re funny. got me curious, though. which one was your first?”

her legs straighten, and she pushes to her feet. “it’ll be easier if i show you.”

[etoileee]

please please please tell me what percy is like😛

PERCY JACKSON IN MY DR Ψ

I’m so sorry this took so long! I don’t know why but I genuinely find it so hard to describe literally anything from my dr, like when I’m asked for example what Percy is like, I can’t come up with words that describe him... I just get these abstract thoughts and emotions that I associate with him.

It might be the fact that I'm dyslexic lmao but going on;

I don't consider Percy Jackson intimidating, but he definitely can be 1000%

He isn't shy at all, for example when I first met him we made eye contact, and he DID NOT look away. like I won't lie sometimes when I make eye contact with people I try and see if I can make them look away first just for the fun of it, but no he put my ass in my place that day.

I made a post talking about how people too often forget that he's a New Yorker and borderline juvenile and a lot of you thought it was funny but I am SERIOUS SEND HELP

He's a bit blunt, very honest. if he doesn't like some shit you're doing he'll tell you. I mentioned in my last post that he isn't afraid of confrontation and truly I mean it, I'm the type that tries to avoid it but once the opportunity presents itself he jumps to it, and he WILL fight ur ass, especially if it's someone he cares about that's on the line.

besides that part of him, I also noticed he is very protective. again, especially about people he cares about. he is the type that will defend you if he's with people who are talking badly about you and then tell you what they said about you then never talk to them again.

In my dr him and I just recently met so I haven't really experienced protective Percy, he did end up defending me two times, once during Capture the Flag and once when we were training, and both times I was honestly shocked. like I know his fatal flaw is his loyalty, but I didn't think he would say anything in my defence.

When I told him "You didn't have to do that" he got annoyed. dead ass told me "Why wouldn't I?" alright then... lemme shut up

HE IS SOOO SASSY

He's leading the sassy man apocalypse I've watched him roll his eyes when Dionysus talks or literally when anyone says anything he doesn't like... like okay princess calm down.

It's honestly really funny though I giggle a lil when I notice him getting annoyed.

something else I noticed is that low-key he's good with kids and it's really cute to watch. He's awkward as hell yes but he's good at helping them not doubt themselves.

I watched him help a group of what I think were nine-year-olds with sparring, he was a bit of an awkward teacher yes but after a few encouraging words their little doubtful faces went away, and once they got it right he would be like "See? I told you, you could do it."

Those memes that are like "Percy from his pov" and it's him just thinking he's an average teenage boy and then the "From everyone else's pov" and he's like a god are so accurate he's a little bit mesmerizing ngl.

overall I like Percy, but we're both trying to figure each other out and its so obvious. I wouldn't say we're friends yet, but we might be getting there. slowly but surely 😭

as of right now our relationship is that of two people forced into a group project for school that are slowly getting to know each other

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Would you write something where the reader feels some kind of insecurity and by talking about it with Spencer she feels better? Only if you want!

“Spencer,” you murmured from the front desk.

It was already night in the bullpen and there were only the two of you left, so your friend didn't even look up from the reports he was reviewing to respond to you.

"Yeah?"

“Do you think I'm weird?”

"Definitely"

The response had been sudden and playful, probably without any intention of hurting you, but the pencil crashing into his long, golden hair forced him to look at you only for him to realize that you were expecting a different kind of response.

“I'm serious,” you insisted, a little sterner than the first time you spoke.

Spencer observed your lightly made-up face with a smile, not too much to make you look vulgar but enough to enhance your features, and stopped to connect with your eyes, obviously restless.

"Why do you ask me that?"

“Do you think I am?”

“There are many kinds of weirdness, sometimes they don't necessarily involve something bad.”

“Yeah, but I mean like awkward weirdness. You know, those people who are suddenly too loud or too annoying or too… I don't know, just like they don't fit in.”

The tone of genuine concern made him frown and he suddenly wondered why you were having those kinds of thoughts. Had the team done anything to make you feel this way? Spencer wasn't very good with social cues and that's why he constantly felt like a weirdo, but he never believed that someone like you would have those kinds of fears.

You were always so kind and pure, like you didn't care about anything. You had a lovely way of saying things and you brought joy wherever you were. You and Garcia were the best of friends because of that, thanks to the surprising optimism you both seemed to share even in the worst situations.

And then there was him, who loved you like he had never loved any girl even with the few years you had known him. You were passionate about completely random things and he listened attentively to all your talks about why seahorses carry their children or about the life of butterflies or about strange weather phenomena.

Spencer had always seen a little of him in you and that's why he felt great affection, as well as trust.

“I don't think you are. Not like that”

“It's just that the other day... with that officer in Washington I felt pretty stupid, you know?” you started to say. He thanked his eidetic memory because he knew exactly what incident you were talking about. “She was so pretty and professional and I felt like I was thirteen again with a mean girl. And on those occasions I see myself and, I don't know, I feel very weird”

“So what if you are?” He asked nonchalantly, “We all are, haven't you seen who you sit in front of every day?”

That comment finally brought out one of those smiles that he loved to see on your face and so he took it as a victory.

“You're right, it's nonsense.”

“I don't think it is,” he murmured gently. “It's a valid fear, but if you want a professional’s opinion I wouldn't describe you with that adjective. You're not weird, you're more like... unique”

Another smile flooded your face and then you looked away, slightly embarrassed to be having that conversation with your coworker.

"Thanks for being honest"

“Don't be ashamed of who you are. You are wonderful, we are lucky to have you here” he continued. He didn't even have to go out of his way to seek praise for you, his mouth spewed it out as if worshiping you was his full-time job.

“I love you, Reid, have I ever told you that?”

“Not as much as you should, but yes,” he responded and one of your laughs filled the air.

“How about we leave this for tomorrow? And I’ll take you home” you offered and he smiled.

Spencer's voice describing you as something unique would accompany you for the rest of the night and would repeat itself in your mind every time the situation warranted it, reminding you that, in the right eyes, we are all special.

taglist: @navs-bhat @reidwritings @tricia-shifting14 @spencerslove @instabull @rhiannonhippiegirl @r-3dlips @missabsey @olivia’s-25 @liptonsbabe

[genderfluid-insomniac]

Hi! Hope you're having a nice, wonderful even, day or noon or evening or night; love your work and how quick you are with it but please don't forget to take care of yourself!

Can I ask for Furina and Wanderer (my two kinnies) with a s/o who usually acts cheerful with them and is the sunshine of the relationship except they have secretly been developing insecurities over time, either because of Wanderer making some comments that didn't really have much meaning to them like her eating a bit more than usual or her hair growing long or from them not being able to cheer up Furina after the whole Fontaine thing blew over and finally; they break down all together, not eating anything, not saying anything most of the time for fear of annoying or boring them and constantly telling them that they can break up with them any time they want as they don't want to force them into this relationship

I am and I hope you're having a wonderful day or noon or evening or night too! Thank you! You’re so sweet!

Furina and Wanderer with sunshine!s/o who usually acts cheerful with them except they have insecurities

Furina

In the days following the Fontaine prophecy coming true Furina could see you were particularly down and she didn’t know why. She tried her best to cheer you up but it was hard when she herself was still recovering from the prophecy coming true and being able to finally relax. To stop pretending to be someone she wasn’t.

Finding her identity and recovering from the disaster while trying to help out her normally peppy now solemn lover was difficult. Furina had tried so many things before it became really bad and turned into a very alarming situation. She brought the both of you to her favorite dessert place which put a smile on her face and faintly saw one grace yours before returning to your normal expressionless one.

Slowly she took a forkful of her cake and brought it up to your lips, smiling hopefully at you now that she would be happy if you were happy and enjoy the new freedom she had to live completely relaxed with you.

“Look I know I’ve been depressed for a while and you probably felt bad about being unable to cheer me up but you were the most important reason for me to try and live my life now. So I want nothing more than for us to have fun and enjoy living so wanna try a bite of my cake? It’s sweet and then we can make macaroni after with your favorite drink.”

Wanderer

Wanderer knows that he makes comments to people that seem insensitive and harsh but people closer to him (or people he didn’t push away) know they almost never had any real bite to them. One or more of his comments must have gotten to you because you haven’t been eating or drinking much and what you have been eating is what he’s been heavily encouraging. He was a bit unsettled at first but as days passed, days he thought would result in your return to your usual bright happy self, you didn’t return to your previous self if anything you got worse.

Your hair had grown not that you cared and you’ve been muttering how you don’t want him to be forced into a relationship, how you’d be okay if he broke up with you which sounded insane. Wanderer had found the person who genuinely cared for him and who he cared about as well and now you were suddenly alright with abandoning him again. No! He wasn’t at all going to leave you or let you leave him!

So one night he had enough of his half-assed plans and dragged you out to Sumeru City, gathering ripe fruit and tea leaves that catered to both of your tastes. He then helped you up the great tree to a sizable platform that stuck up and had a great view of the sky, something he knew was fake but it was just as beautiful as you.

“I don’t I probably said something dumb that might have offended you but I hope you know I didn’t mean it at all. You have stayed with me despite how harsh I come off as and like hell I want this relationship to end. Not when you’ve stayed with me and I care about you a lot. I’m sorry I said something that hurt you.”

[sweetvoidstuff]

Share your pain II Cha Hyun Su x Reader

Cha Hyun Su x Reader

Summary: Amidst tears and a revelation of homesickness, Hyun Su offers comfort, leading to an unexpected, comforting connection between you two in the post-apocalyptic world.

the first part, kinda ~~~~~ the next part, kinda

Masterlist

~~~~~

At the quiet corner of the shelter, Hyun Su sat with Pyeon Sang-Wook and Mister An, sharing a meal and exchanging light banter about their scars. While Mister An regaled them with tales of his past, the atmosphere turned somewhat lively until you walked past, a cloud of distress hanging over you. Tears welled in your eyes, making it evident that something heavy weighed on your shoulders. Without the usual exchange of greetings or even a nod in Hyun Su's direction, you hurriedly made your way past them to an empty corner on the first floor.

Concern etched on his face, Hyun Su watched you go, his meal forgotten. Mister An, observing the situation, turned to Hyun Su and said, "Whatever you did wrong, fix it. Apologize. It's easier that way." Hyun Su, genuinely puzzled, mumbled, "I don't even know if I did anything."

Mister An sighed, making himself clear. "Well, figure it out. Your task is to help her this time." Hyun Su hesitated, unsure if intruding on your space was the right course of action. Mister An, not one to tolerate indecision, forced him to "be a man and help his lady."

As Hyun Su got up, a heavy blush on his cheeks, and began searching for you, he tried to think about what he would say. However, all his prepared words vanished when he found you quietly sobbing in one of the mostly unused rooms. Frozen in the doorway, he watched the tears fall, his heart breaking at the sight. You were normally so independent, strong, and reliable; seeing you so small and broken hurt him more than he realized.

Unable to say anything, it was you who broke the silence first. Sniffling and attempting to cover your tears, you mustered the courage to speak, though your voice wavered. "If it's not something important, just leave me alone, please."

Hyun Su, genuine concern etched on his face, took a few careful steps toward you. "Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" he asked, reaching out to comfort you.

Your response was sharp, your emotions spilling over. "Does it look like everything is fine? It's perfect!" The frustration and sadness in your voice struck Hyun Su deeply, and he felt a pang of guilt, realizing that he needed to find a way to make things right, even if he didn't understand what had gone wrong in the first place.

"I'm sorry," were his unsure words, bowing deep and hoping he could fix whatever he did. He knew he shouldn't have relied on you so heavily. You came to his aid every time he needed you. You must hate him for it, you must resent helping him. Those were his thoughts, but as you watched him puzzled and annoyed, he looked at you puzzled as well. Trying to find the right words, he expressed, "I don't know what I did, but I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Instead of accepting his apology, you looked downright angry now. With a growl that made him look between a mix of fear and confusion at you, you said, fighting the tears out of your voice but failing miserably, "It's not you, you dummy! You didn't do anything! I'm… fuck… I just… I miss home."

Angryly, wiping your tears away but failing, Hyun Su relieved he wasn't to reason for your distress asked quietly. „Home?“ Your anger turning into raw saddnes. Your voice a mere whisper „Yes, home“ looking at your knees that you had pressed before you, you took some deep breaths. While Hyun Su took the liberty to come even closer to you. It didnt feel right to stand over you while you cried so he sat himself next to you. Waiting for you to continue. Laying your head on your knees you looked at him debating what to say, you continued, "I am not from Seoul. Hell, I am not even from Korea. I came here to study for a while and then go back to my annoying-as-heck family, telling them about all the amazing food I had, all the friends I made," chuckling entertaining your own thoughts and studing Hyun Su's face, "describing the boy I fell in love with. Something like that. I shouldn't be here all alone, fighting, surviving a human turning into a monster end of the world scenario. I will never see them again." During the end of your speach your voice got softer. Closing your eyes, letting the sadness wash over you.

Hyun Su was at a loss for words. You were right and also so very wrong. He couldn’t entirely empathize with you. He had already lost his family. But was this worse than not knowing if they turned into a monster or if they were still alive. Not sure if this was the right thing to say or do, Hyun Su held his hand out to you. "You are wrong!"

"You think I can make it to the airport, hop into a plane, and get home?" you asked sarcastically, looking at his hand confused.

Hyun Su wiggled his hand, and a blush appeared on his face. He hadn't thought making you grip his hand would be so nerve-racking. It looked easier if you did it. After a moment of hesitation, looking between his hand and his eyes, you let go of your knees and took his hand. Looking straight ahead now because he couldn't look at you anymore out of fear of blushing too much, he quietly said, "That maybe not, but you aren't alone. I am also here."

A sob ran through your body, a whimper escaping you while a new wave of tears shook you. Hyun Su was shocked and started to panic. He wanted to make you feel better, not worse. He jumbled over his words, not knowing now what to say to make you stop crying. But soon your soft whispers reached his ear while you gripped his hand tightly. "Thank you."

Hyun Su sat beside you, still holding your hand, his gaze focused on the floor. The weight of your sorrow hung in the air, and he struggled to find the right words to offer you comfort. As your tears continued to fall, he hesitated, unsure of how to navigate the delicate balance between consoling you and respecting your pain.

Finally, after a moment of silent contemplation, Hyun Su spoke softly, "I may not fully understand what you're going through, but you're not alone in this."

Your grip on his hand tightened, appreciating the sincerity in his voice. The shelter, once filled with the distant sounds of survivors and occasional conversations, now held a quiet intimacy between the two of you. Hyun Su continued, "You're stronger than you think. And even though it might not replace what you've lost, I'm not going anywhere."

The warmth of his words began to thaw the icy grip of sadness that had taken hold of you. You glanced at him, eyes still misty but a glimmer of gratitude shining through. "Thank you, Hyun Su," you whispered, your voice carrying a mix of vulnerability and strength.

He offered a gentle smile, "No need to thank me" Hyun Su's thumb traced soothing circles on the back of your hand, a silent reassurance that he was there for you.

As the quiet moments unfolded, Hyun Su's presence became a source of solace. The weight on your shoulders seemed a bit lighter,as you laid your head on his, knowing that you weren't navigating this challenging journey alone.

After a while, Hyun Su spoke again, "So what Korean food is your favorie till now?"

A soft smile gracing your lips. The two of you sat there, hand in hand, finding solace telling Hyun Su about the nice Tteokbokki shop you had been to. The world outside the shelter may have been fraught with uncertainty, but in that moment, you took refuge in the connection you had forged with Hyun Su.

As time passed, the tears subsided, leaving a sense of calm in their wake. The atmosphere in the room shifted from one of sorrow to one of quiet companionship. Together, you faced the challenges of the post-apocalyptic world, drawing strength from the unexpected bond that had formed in the midst of hardship.

[stalkiwi]

Something I find myself wondering a lot is; is it ok to mischaracterize a character from a media?

I am of the opinion "everyone can have the views and headcanons they want on a character", after all, this is harmless, and most people use it as a coping mechanism or for projection. We, other users, don't have to agree with these takes, and can simply ignore it. Ideally, this is how things should be.

But, is there a point where it would go too far?

Let's say: you're not a content creator, you don't know art or don't feel like you can write a piece of fanfiction well enough. But you are really fan of a character, and you wish to find other people to discuss with about them. However, this character is fairly impopular, may it be because of their poor on-screen time or because they are barely relevant to the story. As a result, a lot of people in the fandom are unfamiliar with the character, outside of really surface knowledge.

As you do your desperate search on this character, thirsty for content, you discover a popular artist or writer, who do in fact, make content of this character! ...But you realize that the content they make is really different from the view you had on the character. Heavy headcanons, projections, out of characters memes, biased takes... You clearly don't recognize the character you love and tried to hard to study and understand in the most objective way.

But, this is a popular person - their influence on the fandom is hard to deny. Many of their followers, many which never cared enough of the character, base their opinions on what this content creator spreads. As a result, they end up loving this new, out of character version, and even make content of them, following the headcanons and version of this popular user.

You feel alone. A large majority of the fandom sees the character you love in a false, different version. You can't have a conversation about this character, because you quickly realize that the people you talk to don't understand the character and simply spit back what they learned from the popular views. When you try to share what you believe is objectively the character for what they are, people frown at you. "If you don't like it, then ignore it!", or even worse, they will argue that the version of the fandom is the correct one. You may try to bring proofs from the text, screenshot evidence, you will be seen as evil for trying to "break" their headcanons and not letting them do whatever. You just feel horrible, like you are the one in the wrong, the 'evil' one. You can't create content of your own views, you can't make a fanbase and hope to share this version you love. You may find one or two person who agrees with you, but they are often out of your reach, maybe they don't speak your language and you struggle to communicate with them.

You can't share what you love, because you feel like you're the different one around - maybe even that you're bothering, annoying, just trying to "force your headcanons" into people.

When this happen, can we really say mischaracterization is alright?

I wonder what could be done for such cases to not happen. Outside of reading comprehension, maybe we should be self aware that we are out of character, maybe we should promote other people's opinions rather than try to ignore them or invalidate them. Maybe it's better to say, "my view on this character may be biased, because I tend to project a lot and see them as a comfort character, so please don't use me as a base to build your own beliefs". Maybe, instead of saying "I hate when people think this of that character", we should say "I see people having this opinion on that character, and I see where they come from - it's genuinely good that people can find comfort in the character and love them as much as I do, no matter how different it might be."

Fandoms and other large communities are really difficult to communicate with, myself I tend to despite the "fandom view", the general opinions on characters. I wish more people could understand what the author(s) tried to communicate with the character, and not deny it. If you want a character that fits what you want, why take an already existing one and alter it, when you can build your own?

I can't stop people, I am powerless to do so. I don't want to, to be clear. It's really heavy on my mind, because I genuinely wish I could find more people like me, who agrees with me, with who I can share my ideas. I am lucky to be an artist and a writer, because I can build a fanbase around my views. I wish it was as easy for everyone, though

We should start to give more respect to the different opinions, or accept that ours is not necessarily the closest one to the canon, no matter how much we may be convinced it is.

[yuri-is-online]

Hi Yuri! I hope you are doing well<333 I really enjoy reading your writing and I am always more fond of reading the little octatrio fish gang! I dont really know how this usually works because I never send in any asks at all nor do I see your rules list or anything but if you dont mind I would like to make a request<3

A mc who finds an out of tune and old piano and fondly remembers that they used to play piano back in their world. And perhaps Azul hears in on this and despite the piano being old and out of tune, it is rather beautiful how you play it because of how imperfect the notes are being played out. (SORRY I WAS LISTENING TO FALLEN DOWN AND THE FEELINGS WERE JUST SURGING AND THE BRAINROT WAS TOO MUCH)

You dont have to force yourself or anything! Please take care and dont feel too pressured! <3

The Most Romantic of All Arts (Azul Ashengrotto x Yuu)

Hello dear friend and I am doing quite well thank you! I'm pleased you like my writing; the octotrio is what finally cracked my resolve to check out Twisted Wonderland and put FGO on the back burner so I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too much for writing about them so much. I am sorry I caused you stress with my lack of rules, I don't usually send requests or asks myself, so I felt really bad to have frightened you. Not too sure if this will end up being what you had in mind, it got away from me a bit.

Also when you say Fallen Down, you do mean the Undertale soundtrack piece right? It's a soothing song I listened to it while I was plotting this to try and get into a similar headspace.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, header taken from the painting Spirit by George Roux (1885) which I found on this wordpres blog article I took the title from, it's a neat painting, Azul learning to find beauty and love in imperfections is important to me ok? Other works can be found on my masterlist here.

Sometimes you wonder if Ramshakle is sentient. The old building has more rooms than you know what to do with, and lovely as the ghosts are they don't fully remember what they were used for, if they remembered in the first place. But still there was something about those rooms that seemed to love you; he guest room almost built itself up around you, the kitchen had only needed some basic repairs before it was ready to help play host again, and no matter where a fire place was found it was always eager to burst to life and warm you and Grim.

It does not have the same love for Azul, he'd complained as much when you talked about just what it was he wanted with the building after the events of his overblot had cooled between you.

"It's got a graveyard in front of it, though?" That really had been the crux of your whole argument. It was hard to be annoyed with his laugh when it sounded so nice, the genuine amusement a refreshing difference to his previous performitive indifference.

"Yes," he muses, sipping at his real before he continues, "I'm not bothered by that much, ghosts and grave ships aren't uncommon sights under the sea, but I always forget how unusual humans think they are."

"There's a lot of superstitions about places where people are buried." You mean it as an explanation, but it brings an odd look to Azul's face, like there's an emotion bubbling beneath his surface he doesn't want to acknowledge but is too strong to suppress. It settles over you both, as you try to focus on drinking your tea while your host seems content to let his grow cold.

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that ruin isn't really sentient." He sounds almost bitter, disappointed in how long he has let his drink cool you decide as he reaches for the pot and warms it with some fresh tea. "Otherwise, I'd accuse it of trying to keep you."

It's a silly thought, but the sight of this latest discovery really does have you wondering. You are supposed to be in that wonderfully accommodating kitchen making snacks for when Azul decides to "coincidentally drop by" later this evening to "go over the Lounge's expenses" in your guest room. On a Tuesday. When it was almost guaranteed business would be slow enough to keep anyone from wondering too hard about where he'd gone or the twins from being too upset about running things. But instead of "just wanting to try" a new recipe, you are here, tucked in a room just a bit further down the hall from the guest room watching Grim give his best impression of Ace after completing a magic trick. Because stars know he has never seen any other magicians.

"TA-DA!" He puts both of his paws out to really sell the piano at the window. "See, I told you I had a great surprise!"

"I'm sorry for not believing you." You say and try not to laugh with just how much more proud that seems to make him. "But where did you find this? Or how I guess, unless you moved it?"

"Nah." He shakes his head before remembering he's supposed to be the "great" Grim. "I mean I could have! But I'm just so cool I managed to find a piano here already, so all I had to do was clean it up instead! You're welcome henchuman." You scratch just behind his ears and politely ignore his purrs as you examine the piano and its bench. They're old, likely just as ancient as everything else in the dormitory and likely extremely, achingly out of tune. But the mere sight of it makes your fingers itch, and Grim barely has to whine "Well ain't you gonna play somethin'?" Before you're at the bench, experimentally pressing the keys to try and sound out something.

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are-

You hum it rather than sing, irrationally worried Grim will somehow figure out it's a lullaby and complain that you're babying him instead of cutely dancing along with the music like it's one of the cassettes Deuce let you borrow. He cheers for another, and you oblige, letting your muscle memory carry you as far as it can as you try searching your brain for just what it was you wanted most to hear from yourself after all this time being unable to play.

And missing the click of a heavy door down the hall in the effort.

Azul hears nothing at first, and though it does disappoint, it does not bother him. He's had a long day, one about to be made longer still by the grey zone already draping itself around his thoughts as he shrugs his blazer off to his shoulders while en route to the Ramshackle guest room. He pauses, for what he tells himself is only going to be second, at the kitchen door and is left unrewarded for his detour.

You aren't there: and that does bother him somewhat, even if it should not if his pretext is to be believed. These visits were too commonplace to be random, but maybe you'd made plans, deciding not to look past his excuses for the evening. Maybe you were asleep, tired of the day or just plain tired of him. But there is a kettle sat on it's base, mercifully not on just yet, but two mugs and the pour over cone set next to as if it was expecting company. The nerves remain knotted in his stomach, though the cause shifts towards something more welcome.

So you do have a mug purposefully set aside and designated just for him, and is that a little recpie card with notes on coffee taped to that tin? These things should worry him, the picture he snaps and immediately hides in a folder should be for a purpose. But it's separate from those ones, labeled something inane and barely full with how careful he is to have his longing remain unseen. He wonders, briefly if it would be an intrusion to make the drinks himself. If it would reveal to much to show outright he knows the way you take yours instead of just saying it in time with your order, but knows that would not be the exact issue here. He is a guest, and guests limit themselves to the halls and that room he forces himself, with haste that would be noticeable if you were there to see it, back down the hall and back towards the guest room. Azul has work to do, he can content himself with the warmth the mental image the cups on the counter produces until something forces him to pause at a door once more. The piano is old, droning out a tune that is unpolished and rusty from the player's lack of practice but filled with such a specific sort of joy it has him actually running towards it.

You sit at the bench, a serious look of determination on your face so unlike the usual Yuu it can't help but be cute. Grim sleeps contentedly on your lap as you continue searching for the threads of melody still trapped inside your head from years of only occasionally reluctant practice. It's an unfamiliar tune in composition, but not in feel. There's words to this song, maybe not in the form of lyrics, but there all the same for him to stumble even closer to as he comes to a halting stop just behind you and the music ends in a surprised crash as you whip your head around to see him.

"Azul!"

"Very sorry to interrupt." He holds up both hands in surrender, composure only just maintained as you check to see Grim still asleep and laugh nervously. "I didn't know you could play."

"Can't really." You say somewhat bitterly and more confidence comes to Azul as a slight plan froms in his mind. "I'm really out of practice ugh. I know it shouldn't annoy me! But with how everything's been since I showed up, it's just not been on my mi- Oh hello?"

Azul fully removes his jacket and sets it on a side table close to where he had been satanding, moving to sit on the bench next to you. He has enough mercy not to loosen his tie or do anything else scandalous, but the close examination he gives to the keys could have fooled you. "Pity it's so out of tune, this is a nice piano."

"I know right! I'm really happy Grim found it." You resist the urge to poke his cheeks some and Azul lightly, trying not to too openly relish in your surprise reaches one arm around your back to place his hands into a similar position as you had been earlier, tucking you close to his side.

"May I?" He's smug. Too smug it's robbing you of sanity.

"What's it going to cost?" You try too hard not to sound like you're flailing as you look to see your question hasn't even phased him at all.

"Oh normally I wouldn't dream of charging for a performance," he clearly lies "but it's been such a long day I wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee." And he's off, music only marred by the off key of the piano in a clearly purposeful display of talent meant to sear itself into your mind enough that you don't think about his request too long. You and he are from two different worlds, but he knows that music has a way of gapping that if the stories of the mermaid princess told him anything at all. So when he purposefully slows the song at its end, he knows you know, that tricky smile he swore once he'd always hate kicking his heartbeat up again as you lean fully against his shoulder.

"Beautiful." You say, not bothering to give the compliment direction as he can't help but agree. "We should play together next time."

"I-" You pick yourself up and what he wants to say slows when you pick up his jacket for him and hold out a hand. Later, he all to easily decides. Later, without Grim and with specific time set purposefully aside so you know just how much it matters. "I would like that. You'll have to show me the songs that you can remember from your world." And he takes your hand just to soothe some of the ache, trying and failing not to show just how happy he is when you keep it.

[spittingbloodandscreaming]

can u do cis alex k. x cis male reader smut where alex spanks the reader and perchance piss play like reader being forced 2 piss themselves pretty pretty plz :3

WARNINGS: piss, semi-public? you're in the woods, humiliation, brosex?

thanks for the 10 bucks!! Sorry it took me a while to spit this out, so i hope you like it! sorry I totally forgot to incorporate the spanking

"Alex, I need to piss dude."

You and Alex have been out in the woods since about 10 AM, working on his student film Marble Hornets. It's now 2:30, and you've had to pee for the last hour or so. And you’ve been complaining about it for that long, too, but Alex is getting increasingly annoyed.

“Then go behind a tree or something, we're in the woods,” Alex says, rolling his eyes as his warm breath turns into fog around his face. He holds his camera up to a dead tree, for some reason. He's responded this way for the past hour, disregarding your basic human need to pee. He couldn't care less if you end up wetting your pants. In fact, it might even serve as a 'I told you so' moment. That’s what he tells himself. Though, secretly, he has a different, less passive-aggressive motive behind wanting you to lose control.

“No! I’m telling you, that’s weird! What if a bird or a squirrel sees my dick or something.” Alex just rolls his eyes, completely choosing to ignore your genuine concerns of indecent forest exposure other than letting out an indignant sigh. You huff, kicking a tree stump only a few feet away from the tree Alex was focused on. Really, he could care less about whether you pissed your pants or not. He might even like it, it could be a good ‘I told you so’ moment. That’s what he told himself, anyway. In reality he’d like you pissing your pants for a very different, significantly less passive aggressive reason. 

As the next twenty minutes tick by, Alex is reaching his breaking point of annoyance, while you're bursting at the seams with urine. Shifting your weight back and forth, you continue 'whining', as Alex puts it, about needing to pee. Your absolute refusal to pee in the woods, while logical to you, is making Alex's filming process harder. So, it's either shut up and pee in the woods or shut up and wet your pants. Unfortunately for Alex, you're not complying with either of those options. You’re so uncomfortable; the pressure in your bladder is borderline unbearable.

“Dude, you're being really stupid right now,” Alex says, his back turned to you before he turns around, looking at the screen of his camera and periodically glancing up at you. “I mean, you seriously can’t be that against— did you just piss yourself?” Alex looks down to the very obvious. and, a decently large soaking wet spot in your pants. Your face is flushed a bright red as you look down to your pants, then moving your gaze down to stare aggressively at dead leaves. You’re completely over loaded with embarrassment, focusing on the nearest possible escape plan even though Alex had driven the both of you here. You hear Alex’s mildly sadistic cackling. What a supportive friend. “Dude! That’s really fucking embarrassing for you!” Alex nudges you a bit, taking time to catch his breath. “C’mon, look at me. That’s honestly really pathetic.” This is the part where you remember how much of a dick your friend is.

And even worse than the embarrassment is the way your body reacts to it.

You immediately cover your face with your hands, feeling the heat radiating off your bright red cheeks as Alex picks back up his howling laughter. “No, just— just shut the fuck up right now.”

“No way! You seriously got a boner over pissing yourself in front of me?”  Alex laughs harder, doubling over slightly as he does so. As Alex's cackling dies down, he collects himself and places his camera down on the tree stump. “Okay, okay we'll talk about that in a second, but don't you have a change of clothes in my car?” Alex speaks a little more genuine, but his voice stays laced with condescension. You shake your head in response to his question, cursing yourself for trying to save space in your bag.

Alex lets out a huff, pausing for a moment before clearing his throat. “Well, you probably don't wanna stay in those pants, y'know. It's gonna get cold soon and wet clothes are worse than none.” Alex tries to disguise his attempt at seeing you half naked and humiliated with half hearted concern. You saw what he was trying to do, but he was right. Any breeze that passed was absolutely freezing. So, with shaky hands(partially due to the cold, and partially due to your body radiating with embarrassment), and multiple thoughts telling you it was a bad idea to strip from the waist down in front of your friend, you unbutton your jeans and make very slow work of pulling them down. All the while, Alex is looking down at you with a strange amount of amusement on his face.

After a fair amount of time spent struggling to get your pants off over your shoes, you reluctantly look up at Alex. He takes a moment to adjust his gaze away from your crotch, only bringing more awareness to the fact you're sporting a hard-on in wet underwear. The look he gives you alone is enough to tell you to ditch those too, and so with a sigh, you do so. Now standing in the middle of the woods, half naked in front of one of your best friends, you begin to question just what led you here.

A train of thought that is, of course, quickly interrupted by Alex's horny gawking.

“You're really just on full display now, aren't you?” He takes a step closer, pushing up his glasses. He hooks an arm around your waist, pulling you way too close to him considering the situation. He's very liberal with his free hand as he continues to talk, ignoring how rigid your body gets at the sudden contact. “It's… not that big.” He takes the opportunity to grab your dick in his hand, only wrapping a few of his fingers around to further emphasize his point. The redness in your face deepens as you shudder. You'd look away if you hadn't already been aggressively avoiding looking at Alex the entire interaction.

Alex begins to move his hand, going all the way up your shaft and back down, moving devastatingly slow. He couldn't help but lean in to kiss you, and you would've pulled away, you really would've but, he was just so intense, it'd be a sin to pull away. Unless, of course, it was for Alex to talk more. “You're such a fucking loser you know that? Getting a boner all because you pissed yourself? Or was it ‘cause you pissed yourself in front of me?” Alex doesn't give you a chance to respond before he pulls you even closer and kisses you again. He speeds up his hand, sufficiently getting you to moan into the kiss, and he takes that chance to force his tongue into your mouth. Alex places a firm grip on the back of your neck, kissing you roughly as his other hand returns to the slow, steady pace he had set before. You throw your arms around Alex’s neck, getting weirdly into the situation you have yourself in. 

Alex only lasts a few minutes like that before he flips you around, pushing you against the closest tree and pulling your hips against his, forcing you to bend over. He reaches a hand around, shoving two of his fingers into your mouth. He presses down on your tongue, keeping his fingers in your mouth for a few more seconds before taking them out ever so slowly. He puts his free hand on your hip, fingertips digging harshly into the flesh. His other hand finds your entrance, wet fingers pressing into you, pulling an extended whine from your throat. You hear Alex undoing his belt as he works you open, followed by a long sigh as he removes his fingers from your hole and replaces them with the tip of his cock. Are you adequately prepped? Probably not, but at least he had the decency to try.

You aren’t sure how long Alex has been inside of you at this point, but his pace has become unbearably fast, and his thrusts are so hard they’re shaking the few remaining leaves off the dead tree he has you positioned against. Each moan you release is laced with quiver as you make an attempt to tell Alex how close you are, but he seems to catch on. He reaches a hand around to hook his fingers into your mouth, making it impossible for you to form any words at all as he growls.

Alex hissed, sucking in a long breath through his teeth as he bottoms out inside of you. He barely gives you any time at all to adjust as he starts rough right off the bat. The side of your face presses against the tree with every one of his thrusts, and there's drool dripping down your chin from both your inability to close your mouth properly at the moment, and because of just how good he feels inside of you.

“C’mon, you pissed all over yourself, right? You can cum all over yourself for me, too, right?” You do your best to nod, drooling all over Alex’s hand as you moan loud enough to surely be heard from any nearby trails. Alex’s hips start to stutter, too, a sign that he’s without a doubt close to filling you up. You still cum before him, of course. Your muscles spasm, your legs buckling and struggling hold you up. It only takes a few more thrusts for your dick to twitch, sending spurts of cum that hit both your stomach and the tree you're pressed against. 

It can’t be more than a minute before Alex’s fluidity turns jagged, filling you with his hot cum, rutting his hips into you as he does so. Once his movements completely stop your chest is heaving. He slips his fingers out of your mouth, panting as he wipes your spit onto your shirt. He leans into you, holding you up by your hips as you let your upper half relax into the tree that's been oh so graciously supporting you this whole time.

“I’m so glad you pissed yourself, dude.”

“Shut up,” you’d be more irritated if you could muster the energy for it, but all you can gather is an exasperated sigh.

“We really should do this again sometime,” Alex says, his voice still breathy as he kisses the top of your head.

[p1nkm1lkslug]

" 𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥, 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭.. " ☣

more hhead canons about my OCS and I am definitely gonna start building up my creeps au, but for now enjoy these :3

-aria arche

- she is the second youngest sister and is Samaras twin sister

- tends to have a resting bitch face (and it is genuinely what she's thinking)

- antisocial, grew up with people assuming she was a social butterfly that enjoyed talking (when in reality she just enjoyed dressing very girly)

- picky with who she spends time with, no where near a people pleaser, she will tell you if you annoyed her

-however she's really good with communication, however people tend to be intimated by her

-not sad, I feel like when some people meet her they assume she has some deep reason but in reality she legit just enjoys her own time (this applies to everyone)

-isn't close with her Sister, the two lived very different life, they would write letters when Sam was first admitted to the psych ward but soon they stopped.

- when reuniting it was.. Awkward, she didn't really have any reaction to her dead twin coming back

-this made Samara over all act up, she's more emotional then aria

- while Samara quit ballet at 14 , aria continues to still take classes

- is aware people see her as bitchy (which she really isn't, avoiding, annoyed, silent, yes. Mean?. Not really)

- she was a very independent kid from a very young age, she never connected with Jordan because, how do you care for a younger sister who does what she can to be left alone, need to do chores? Done, clean the room, done. Jordan tried to parent her but it was hard when she wanted nothing to do with them

- and never got along with Freddie, mainly because she HATES kids, she won't hurt them but by no means is she gonna hold your baby, and wasn't ever forced to take care or babysit for Freddie, mainly because she refused to (stubborn so no one could break her)

- the only people who really know her are samra, Jordan and mishal (and even they have trouble understanding her)

- not really a hater? I mean she has gone through INSANE lengths to avoid people So she hasn't met many

- tends to be obsessive when ever she does find something of interest

- doesn't go by any labels, she is aware she can feel love but isn't really sure she sees herself in a relationship, she does care for people but has no clue what to say or do

- doesn't feel human, she just feels hollow, something feels like it's missing but she has no idea what it is

-never cried growing, only time was when she was 12, she had been yelled at during class and just broke down, like red face snot dripping and drooling tears,

- while I don't see her really interacting with any of the creeps, hypothetically it would go like this:

-she would find will kind of annoying

-Frankie she would just ignore 💀-same with Jack, she just has no clue what the fuck they want 😭

- I feel like Issac would try getting to know her because "ah finally a quiet calm proper women in this day in age, how are you? " "... " Like girl dgaf

-her Samara tend to fight, not often but it's just sad, she feels bad but never really knows how to act? And is just silent while Sam is just angry and emotional

- she has a very muted style, it's very basic she isn't trying to stand out, wears cardigans, jeans, sweaters, dresses and ballet flats

-mainly in dark or creme colors-hair tends to just be straight, long and thick, she doesn't do much, might tie it up if it's hot but that's about it

-for some inspired here:

- she tends to have sunken eyes, eye bags and acne scars (not a fan of skincare or makeup or just anything on her face, she struggles putting on lotion because of the texture)

- enjoys doing ballet, walking, learning about whatever interests her (spirits, Greek, church architecture and cults)

- music she enjoys: hole, Fiona Apple, Lesley Gore, Abba, verruca salt, bikini kill, Adel, Hozier (ima make a playlist I swear)

- Samara finds it funny that she isn't the one who turned to murder, she looks like a stereotypical killer, she has her saved under "Patrick Bateman" On her phone 💀

- while labels don't concern her, she's aware she is more fem but is more gender apathetic, he, she, they bro DOESN'T CARE 💯🙏😍

-and just a mood board I made for them

thats it :3

[tea-and-secrets]

I keep ignoring the calls and texts from my boyfriend and friend and I feel so bad but also I really hate them and they are so annoying. Everyone time they open their mouths I feel the intense urge to hit them as hard as I can over and over until they stop moving. I don't like either of them, I never have liked them, I just took pity on them. And I'm pretty sure this makes me a bad person, and I don't want to be a bad person, but how do I stop this in the nicest way possible?

How do I break up with him and stop hanging out with her? Do I just say "oh yeah I have always thought you were super annoying and I only hung out with you because it was clear no one else cared about you and I genuinely never meant it to go this far and I feel awful for doing this and I'm so sorry"

Now I can see why no one wanted to hang out with them. Every time I'm with them, they only want to do the things they like and they don't care about my interests or feelings at all.

My friend complains that I always get angry with her, and I do, but only after hours of her clinging to me and getting upset that I don't want to learn and perfect 15 different kpop dances and watch annoying movies that she's just going to talk through anyway. She is also constantly pestering my sisters who I live with, trying to force them to be her friends too and then gets all upset when they actually have a spine and say they don't want to hang out with her. She either always has her way or cries and yells.

And my boyfriend. Ugh, what a loser. It doesn't matter if I get angry with him or sad or happy. It doesn't notice. Sometimes I play up how upset I am, acting like even more of a bitch than normal. His friends notice. They ask if I'm okay. But from him? Nothing. Zero reaction. He just wants someone pretty who will praise him and give him money every once in a while and support him in his brainless career. When we went to Disney land, he went off with his friends and pretended I didn't exist hours, then when I finally found where he was (by accident, because he never told me), he still only wanted to go on the rides and into the shops he cared about. I had to intentionally loose him again just so I could do what I wanted. I was all alone at Disney with no one who would talk to me or care about me.

They are both so selfish and behave like toddlers when they are full grown adults, but they are people, and I don't want to hurt them. Not because I care about them, goodness no, but because I never want to hurt anyone. But being around them makes me want to do something awful. My mental health is in the gutter. I'm so tired.

.

[golbrocklovely]

here is my review of bridgerton season 3 part one, episodes three and four

my review of the first two episodes is here, in case you want to read them.

obvious spoilers ahead for part one and the books

episode three - forces of nature

ngl this episode is a little bit of slogfest for me. like the first half is good, but then you get to the second half, and it's just one ball, and it's the whole entire thing for the rest of the episode. and it's just a wee bit boring. but the polin moments in this episode are top notch so it's still a good ep lol

opening up with him having a sex dream about pen??? I KNOW THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT NOT IN YOUR WILDEST FANTASTIES MY ASS COLIN BRIDGERTON

the dream itself also being just him wishing that she would feel the same as him is honestly so romantic and sweet and god i am DYING

colin fucked his way thru 17 cities and ONE KISS from pen has completely altered his brain chemistry. i love LOVE

the scene of him in the drawing room with his family is honestly my favorite scene out of the entire show. i'm not joking. seeing him so uncomfortable and acting weird bc he doesn't know how to navigate hiding his feelings for her (even at just the mere mention of her name)… i love hopelessly in love men and i'm so serious

also awkward colin is the cutest so there's that lol

that pen and el scene…. how dare you shonda. first time i watched it, cried. writing my review rn, cried again. that shit fucking HURTS

polin's scene under the willow tree, fucking top notch. so funny for no reason other than bc nic and luke are amazing actors. 10/10

i just love that he needs to know why she's ending their lessons. like… cmon now colin lol

her saying we can't be around one another for a while and his "of course :\" i'm cackling my GOD

"i talked to pene-" "whatdidshesay???" that man is a love sick puppy and i'm loving every second of it

i love lady danbury. i feel like i haven't said that yet but i really do love her lol

i wish colin would have seen his shitty friends make their snide remarks at pen. i know we see him later stand up to them but god that would have been sort hot to see now…

lady mondrich… gorgeous dress omg

colin being told that his actions will help pen find a husband, and his absolute face of disappointment… the range luke has is staggering !!

colin's nasty look at pen and debling HOW'S IT FEEL NOW BITCH

finding out that the balloon is cgi was crazy to me. like???? what the hell do you mean that's not real?????

walk him like a dog pen !!

side note, his eyes are absolutely fucking gorgeous like… wow.

the whole scene under that tent, him fidgeting with his hands the whole time, him looking so annoyed at her enjoying her time with debling, STARING AT HER MOUTH WHEN SHE LICKS HER FINGERS !!!! 14/10 i love it here

also here is something i need to note: i don't personally think he bought the cake (or whatever he ate) after she bought one so that he could taste what her mouth tasted like, which is what twitter has been saying. i personally believe that pen gave him the cake she bought when she said "wish me luck". bc we never see her eat, but we see him eat. and we never see him buy something. so… i personally believe she gave him the cake, as a sort of thank you, and he just watched her and ate it. which honestly would be weirdly hotter than him just buying the same cake as her and eating one.

the entire interaction between cressida, el, pen, and debling is so awkward i have to skip thru it. genuinely cannot watch it the secondhand embarrassment is killing me lol

why does he pull such a blue steel look after saying "it's good to be back" sksksk

ben and tilly… don't care. so sorry.

fran and samadani… also don't care lol

it's good to be back…………. but what about the debling guy? he seems weird right? lmaooo

colin springing into action seeing that pen could get hurt? HOT

pen basically almost getting hit bc she was staring too much at colin being hot? HYSTERICAL

danbury's brother is FINE holy shit

side note, claudia looks so much like my aunt it's actually a little bit scary lol

pen and cressida racing to debling…. sweetie you had no chance. cressida is built like a gazelle. take it from this short person here, you were never gonna make it sksks

fran and john meeting for the first time. so sweet.

the scene where colin talks about courage, i wonder if the heartbeat is supposed to be his or hers. i think it's her listening in on him and his words and then when she snaps out of it, that's when she goes to speak to debling.

debling's voice… smooth like BUTTER bb. just thought i would say it

el really gets on my nerves with her saying "it's probably for the best" shit. like i get why she's saying it, but again, it comes from such a place of privilege since she's a bridgerton. some of us have to get with a good match, el. god, you're making me feel sorry for cressida???? fuck me

colin and violet's scene together was just adorable. and her realizing he's in love with pen?? OMG I COULD CRY

i also love that the actress that plays violet wanted to be in the background when colin goes up to tell pen how he feels bc she thought violet would want to watch her son do that. these actors are pulling at my heart strings.

colin genuinely was about to kiss her, in front of everyone, and confess his love. WHY CAN'T MEN BE LIKE THIS

that whole scene was so intense and crazy i love it so much 12/10

i kinda feel like pen wanted colin to say something about his feelings. i don't think she had a clue how he really felt, but i think part of her hoped, even for a split second, that he felt the same about her as she did for him.

again, the english audio descriptor coming in clutch: (watching pen and debling dance) "colin's jaw tightens, he looks away… colin's eyes glistens as he watches, enraptured. helpless." LIKE?????????????

episode four: old friends

we all know why this episode is amazing. but we gotta go thru everything else too lol

her sisters literally not believing she could pull debling and she had to blackmail him… they are the worst and i genuinely hope (and know) that when her and colin get married she will have such a happier life without them in it. truly.

colin going back thru his journal, i wonder if we will get to hear more about what he has written, especially in regards to pen.

him wanting to be recluse bc he's heartbroken… my god colin, pull yourself together and go get your girl!

john really is mister steal your girl lol

for all of portia's faults, her speech on men wanting to explain shit to us otherwise they feel useless… she is 100% correct

colin immediately finding pen in any room he walks into I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT

him being jealous of debling and pen together i could fucking cackle

colin watching her thru a mirror GOD KILL ME NOW

i thought it was sweet the way debling asked pen how he should ask to propose to her. while i don't think he's a perfect match for pen, he's a good man regardless.

i want pen to have a love match, and i'm so happy she has it with colin in the end

you know what song would have been great to use? thinking of you by katy perry. such a gorgeous song and perfect for this whole love triangle going on.

i love that colin tries to get over pen but it's just not happening. he is so in love it's hurting ME lol

what i find fascinating about the scene at mondrich's club is that colin's friends are talking about all the women they have had sex with, right? and they ask him, and he brings up the contessa again, but they go on to explain "yeah but you didn't go into detail"… which basically means that even when he's supposed to be a rake and gross about women, he still couldn't commit to the bit. at most he explained that something happened, but then never went on to talk about her in a gross manner or be un-gentlemen like. god i love colin bridgerton with all of my heart.

his whole speech is so sweet and genuine, it's just a shame that so many men that would learn something from it aren't watching this show. that's just a sad fact.

portia is straight up mother gothel. all she wants is power and what good pen can give her by marrying debling. ew.

colin being fussy and not wanting to outright say he was feeling bad… what a baby lol

violet's speech to him just absolutely pulled at my heart. bc that's the thing, while anthony took the burden of being the man of the house and almost resenting his family for having to grow up so fast, colin was the peacekeeper. he was the one that wanted to make sure everyone was okay and happy. and that's what she means by never putting himself first. he doesn't care if he's in a bad mood or not, it only matters how his love ones feel, which is why he does whatever he can to make them happy and proud. and it's just a shame that so many ppl didn't understand that when they first watched and heard this speech.

pen looked so heartbroken watching the ballet. i think that was her accepting that she would never have that.

i love that in the trailer the candle sparks up, meaning that the love for pen is igniting within him. but in the show, it's blowing out, meaning that he's running out of time to confess his feelings. GOD I LOVE CINEMA

colin pushing past his "friends" THAT'S RIGHT BABY GO GET YOUR GIRL

god my heart breaks for pen. i don't get how anyone could say "debling is the better match" for pen when he literally admits that he doesn't think he'll ever love her. pen DESERVES love. so many ppl in her life have never cared or loved her, not in the way she deserves. and yall want her to continue to feel that emptiness? no way.

colin breaking all the rules to talk to pen when he easily could have waited to speak to her after the dance lmaoooo i love a crazy in love man

eros and psyche battling it OUTTTTT

debling realizing why she's at the window all the time. wow.

i kinda love that he was okay with colin being into pen but not pen reciprocating those feelings lol

portia yet again getting worst mom of the year award

the carriage scene…….. THE CARRIAGE SCENE

the first time i watched this scene, i was sweating SO MUCH by the end of it. genuinely it was obscene how hot i was (in more ways than one lmao)

also immediately after its airing, i watched it like 10-15 times. and i haven't seen it in probably over a week and i'm dying all over again for this review.

him running after the carriage, colin bridgerton the man that you are.

even while he is desperate and pleading, he is still kind and asking for permission GOD HE IS SO HOT WHY CAN'T HE BE REAL

his reasons for why pen shouldn't marry debling is laughable but i love it regardless.

his pleading face before he confesses… his EYES?????? you're fucking joking rn

his confession, hands down, is the best in the series. and hell, it's not even the last one he does omg i'm not gonna make it !!!!!

the fact that for a moment he legit thought she didn't love him back was nuts bro you are BLIND

genuinely anytime i watch this scene, i feel like i'm intruding lol like should i leave? maybe i should go sksks

every single shot of them kissing is hot and sexy and romantic and dear god in heaven i am LONELY

her running her fingers thru his hair…. god luke/colin has never looked hotter. he might as well as rolled his eyes back in head lol

it's titty season yall. TITTY SEASON BABY

i implore anyone reading this to find the clip of this scene without the music. not only bc nic and luke's moans are hot, but bc at one point he calls her beautiful and i think in that moment i died.

i think i could genuinely watch this scene 100 million times and notice something new every time

honest to god, one of the sexiest things about this scene is him watching her feel pleasure. like holy fucking shit, that is so hot.

moaning into each other's mouths??? you guys are absolute fucking FREAKS

colin saying the line about the carriage driver is so much better than pen lol

also in general show!colin is way better than book!colin. hands down.

the look colin gives her, both before their little kiss and than afterwards right before he gets out makes me fucking FERAL

him fixing her dress and hair is literally so cute i could cry

that once over he gives her when he gets out of the carriage…. why is he so hot?????

i just love how exhausted he is of her not understanding him sksksk

in conclusion i love love and i love polin. when part two comes out, no one talk to me bc i will in fact be an absolute wreck thank you and good night :)

[tauforged]

let's talk about the way we talk about sigma

and i’m not just saying this because i’m a hater or because i find the woobification of characters annoying (although i am, and i do, but that’s neither here nor there) but i AM saying it cuz it’s no longer mildly annoying so much as it is just hurtful and exhausting due to the casual ableism it perpetuates. whether it’s consciously or not, it’s there and i’m pointing it out cuz a lot of people probably don’t even realize what they’re saying (i hope) so i wanna spell it out crystal clear.

*granted, these are sentiments i’ve seen far more often on twitter or tiktok than on here (and i know complaining about stupid takes on either site is like going to the beach and getting mad about all the sand, but bear with me) but it’s ABSOLUTELY something that i see a lot on here too and i'm starting to get incredibly fed up with it all. someone's gotta fuckin say it.

im going to put the majority of this under a readmore because i've got a lot to say on the topic but here's the long and short of it:

you guys have GOT to stop acting like sigma is a poor little helpless confused manipulated innocent little uwu baby. like, for real. stop saying that shit. stop lamenting about “waahhh poor science granpa doesn’t know where he is or what’s happening around himmm 🥺🥺🥺”. stop acting like he’s being held captive or abused by talon despite evidence to the contrary so you can make your little “uwu i can’t wait for overwatch to save him and Fix Him uwuwuw” posts. and for the love of all that’s holy, if i see one more person say or imply that he was better off when he was being forcibly institutionalized than he is now working for talon, i’m going to start fucking attacking people with my teeth like a chimpanzee.

it's incredibly fucking weird and alienating for literally anyone who experiences even a fraction of the things yall are pointing out as proof of his incompetence. and before any of you hit me with the "oh it's not that deep 🙄" im gonna tell you right now that i dont care and im going to be mad about it anyway cuz its my party and i can post whatever i want.

ANYWAY!!

to continue my point, not only is it weird and infantilizing and demeaning and belittling to those of us who deal with literally any of the myriad of things going on with him that i’ve seen people point to as proof that he ‘needs to be fixed’ — memory lapses, time loss, dissociation, auditory hallucinations, disordered thought, just straight up being autistic, hyperfocus and/or complete lack of focus, panic attacks or meltdowns, i cannot overstate how many of the ‘weird’ things he does are just autistic traits so i’m gonna say it a second time for good measure — and those are all just things that i personally have in common with him (which is part of the reason i’m as mad about this as i am to make this post, but i digress).

to single out these things, all of which are completely reasonable for someone who is autistic, who is traumatized, who suffered through a prolonged period of forced confinement, and/or who has literal brain damage, and NONE of which are nearly as tragic and doomed as people are making them out to be, that’s all bad enough on its own!

but to point out these traits and then turn around and use them to color every single interaction he has with another character, every single thing he says, and tie it back to his traaaagic broken mind and how he’s clearly losing his grip on reality just feels… insanely othering in a way that’s really exhausting.

like, for fucks sake, a solid 80% of his character interactions could be lifted near verbatim from conversations i’ve had in real life with my friends, family, coworkers, you name it, all of which were friendly and usually in jest — hell, 9/10 times when i let out a random non sequitur or lose my train of thought or forget what i’m doing, nobody even bats a fucking eye! they sure as hell don't accuse whoever i’m talking to of abusing me because they expressed mild annoyance at my bad joke.

i’ve genuinely seen someone get all worked up and construe his one interaction with sombra where he comments on her tendency to disappear and reappear in odd places as evidence that he’s got dementia and is slipping away from reality altogether… and not, yknow, a nod to her fucking cloaking ability and translocator and the fact that she uses both very frequently just for the hell of it. that one still fucking baffles me i'm sorry. if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes i'd honestly think it was a joke. like. cmon now

another thing that makes it even worse is that most of this is also just…. not even grounded in canon. if this was the way blizz was writing him, it’d be one thing. it would still be shitty and ableist, but blizzard handling their oooh spooky scary mentally ill character badly is about as surprising as the sun rising every morning. i can't say i wouldn't still be upset to see people continuing to perpetuate it, but i wouldn't be AS mad, i guess.

but SO. MANY. of the popular takes on his character are either never concretely stated or outright contradicted by his ingame dialogue and interactions and it drives me insane!!! idk WHERE y’all are getting this shit but so many people are reaching so hard to make him a tragic sad uwuwuw glass bones and paper skin pathetic little meow meow that they’re going out of their way to misinterpret source material so they can shout from the rooftops about how sad and pathetic and unaware they think people like me must be.

i keep seeing people talk about how he probably has no idea that talon is a terrorist group, that he doesn’t know what talon IS, or that he doesn’t even know that he WORKS for talon, and it’s starting to go from mildly annoying to infuriating. this shit has literally no basis in canon aside from conjecture based on the fact that he’s Known to be mentally ill!! i don't see even half as many people getting this all up in arms about widow, who we KNOW FOR A FACT was literally kidnapped and experimented on and brainwashed by talon. like. that's her WHOLE THING. meanwhile sig literally just works there and people are clamoring for ovw to come """""rescue"""""" him as if hes like, a lab animal or something instead of a grown man who happens to not be particularly bothered by the fact that he works for talon.

this is something that's addressed in game MULTIPLE TIMES - he’d far prefer to watch an ant crawl on the ceiling than listen to s76 trying to ‘talk sense into him’, not because he can’t hear him or anything either, it’s pretty clear from his tone and cadence that he’s actively choosing to ignore him. when baptiste points out the fact that he’s fully capable of leaving talon if he wanted to, he doesn’t deny it or act confused or like that’s a strange thing to say, he just seems a little bemused that someone would think he WANTS to leave. yeah, he sure could— but why would he bother?

he's not "totally unaware of what he's doing" in the fucking slightest - hell, i'd argue that his new map-exclusive lines and interactions prove that he's MORE grounded now than he was in ovw1. yes, he gets a little confused on occasion when he can't quite remember the last time he's been somewhere. (memory lapses are just kind of like that. i had several while writing this post, in fact! it just fucking happens sometimes. it's really not the end of the world. frustrating, yeah, but i promise you we can manage just fine).

i guess the question i'm asking is: is it really all that difficult for to fathom that he might just... WANT to be there? that he might just straight up not care what talon is up to, so long as he's able to keep doing his research as he sees fit??

and for the record, before anyone takes this and runs with it and we lose the plot of this post, i am NOT SAYING that the very idea of wanting him to leave talon is #problematic or anything. i dont care, really. do whatever you want. what i do care about is just like.... being mindful about what we're saying and WHY we're saying it. it's reaching a point where people are somehow managing to look at the ass backwards already ableist as hell decisions blizz has already made with him and decided "hey, i bet i can find a way to make that even worse!"

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. saturday we did voy's "basics part ii" and "flashback," and last night we did voy's "the chute" and "the swarm." not really last night changed bc i am writing this at fuck o clock its going up tmrw w/o me but w/e

basics part ii:

this one was fine. or rather the a-plot of this was boring, the b-plot fucking ruled

like, what do i care about the surface of this planet? ik there's a whole season that happens after this, nobody important is gonna die. even the critter was no that interesting

also, FUCK the baby not really being chakotay's. i was so fucking devastated. i wanted him to have a little guy sooo bad. they gave it to me and then snatched it away. imagine how he must feel...the whole ship in danger to save the kid that wasn't really his, and two people DIED in the process. the a-plot was terrible.

but ohhh the doctor and lon suder taking on the kazons alone. mwah.

first of all, what a match-up. the doctor can't be killed or harmed, not really, not the way suder used to enjoy hurting people. so that puts them on totally even terms

secondly, the fact that suder FINALLY almost overcame his violent impulses and now he has no choice BUT to give into them for a cause greater than his own needs (to have peace with himself)...that's juicy stuff. his struggle when he came back after killing that one guy was absolutely incredible.

finally, i love that out of any two people who could be stuck on voyager, you get the idea that these two people had the best chance of doing what they did. like the doctor is quite literally PART of the computer that runs the ship, and suder has all the violent impulses of his former life now combined with tuvok's methodical nature and his own hard-earned patience. truly a force to be reckoned with. it doesn't really push your suspension of disbelief when he takes out all those guys at once because part of him has been waiting to do that for a looong time

genuinely i'm only disappointed they killed him...a character like this could have EASILY been a regular. i'll miss him so much

flashback:

I LOVED THIS ONE.......

the undiscovered country was not my favorite tos movie by far (it ranks near the bottom actually) but i wish i had skimmed it at least before watching this. the movie footage being there was so so fun, and JANICE RAND! i'm always so happy to see her turn up, she deserved so much better, even if most of her tos scenes did annoy me to death

anyway, imagine being in a show and 30 years later they are calling you on the phone asking if you would like to do another episode of the show. star trek really is so unique in that regard, very few franchises have that same kind of staying power. m*rvel who? get the fuck out of here.

i looooooved getting more of tuvok's backstory. i think it's really hilarious that spock's parents almost disowned him when he joined starfleet but after that vulcan parents are like pressuring their kids to join to be more like him. poor spock and poor tuvok i wish they could have met onscreen just once

janeway in the old uniform!!!!!!!! she looked amazing

mixed feelings about janeway's speech about how things were different in the tos era and that's why sometimes they didn't do the prime directive. actually, it's funny because i got a little huffy at her "they were quicker to reach for their phasers" comment like GIRL NO THEY WEREN'T and then like the very next day i watched "taste of armageddon" where kirk did immediately start blasting because the disintegration chambers triggered his tarsus iv trauma and had to reluctantly forgive her

that said. spock mention.

the chute:

something lgbt happened on star trek voyager...i don't ship this couple because i'm still kirby with a gun re: tom paris, but i'm incredibly happy for people who do. i think about how i would have been if this had been chakotay and janeway instead (besdie myself) and i just KNOW the harry/tom shippers were eating

i wish harry kim got more to do...he had a little more this time but his solo scenes didn't have much meat to them, it was his scenes w tom paris that really stood out

and like i didn't hate those scenes, but the "shitty hellhole prison" plot itself also kind of bored me, because we just saw a far superior version of this happen to o'brien on ds9 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and to me one half of tom/harry is kinda boring and never gets his chance to shine, and the other is eternally on probation for being too annoying in season 1. so i had a hard time staying invested

that said it was very fun when janeway came down through the hole guns blasting. now who's playing cowboy, captain?

the swarm:

this was another one where the a-plot sucked and the b-plot ruled

i know janeway doesn't wanna add another 15 months, but man, come ON...it was very dumb not to go around. it was even dumber to not go around WHILE YOUR DOCTOR WAS BROKEN. take a few days to fix him and THEN go. also WHAT HAPPENED TO HER IDEALS? the showrunner really needed to keep this shit straight this was wildly out of character for her. that plus constantly brushing off kes...not her finest episode tbqh

the doc losing his memory was great though. kes is SO kind to advocate for him as she does and she and b'elanna were just great in general. kes even gave him a little kissy!! treat him really niceys: the episode

the other doctor hologram was really funny too although his usage of the "it" pronoun made me flash back to my rage when people did that to data during tng

it was actually so true to life how people with dementia act...kes did a great job of keeping him calm until the end :(

and the humming!!! i can't believe they left it there, but i suppose the implication is he gets it all back. and what a breath-taking spot to end it, honestly

TONIGHT: ds9's "apocalypse rising" and voy's "false profits" (i read the summary and good god someone HELP me)

[goldendoodlerlockerlove]

for the character ask: Courtney (i'm genuinely curious)

Ooooh, Courtney!! Fun!! I got all of the Gac Pac through these asks!!

First impression: I'm going to be very honest, I didn't really like Courtney when I first saw her, please don't come for me--I just thought she was kind of annoying, and I didn't like how she forced Gene into a relationship that they clearly didn't want. The first episode that she appeared in definitely didn't do her any favors.

Impression now: Okay, I actually kind of love her now. Maybe love is a bit of a strong word, but the development she's gotten is really nice. I hope she gets more time to flesh her character out even more. The only family I know she has is her dad, who sucks because he stole Gene's song. Yes, I will never forgive him for doing that. Anyway, I love how she's become much less annoying and a lot more tolerable. It's clear she genuinely cares about Gene's feelings now, and other people's feelings, for that matter. She's grown a lot, and I really appreciate seeing that.

Favorite moment: Probably either the entirety of The Gene and Courtney Show ("Your heart's not broken, it's only growing" 😭) or that moment in Video Killed the Gene-io Star where she and Gene have a really nice conversation on the slide outside, and Gene agrees to do her music video for her. To be honest, I do have a little bit of mixed feelings towards the end of that episode, because I do think it's very sweet, and it's good to sacrifice things for other people, but also, Gene should be allowed to take his own feelings into account, I think. But that's just my opinion. I still enjoy the episode quite a bit.

Idea for a story: I actually don't really know. Maybe an episode that dives into her home life or something?? I think that would be interesting. Ooooh, a plot where she gets into ballet and Gene joins her class again because he canonically used to take ballet would be so fun. I actually kind of love the idea of them being ballerinas together.

Unpopular opinion: This isn't really unpopular, per se, but she was kind of awful in her first appearance. She just kept sucking on her necklace and forcing Gene into an uncomfortable situation until he snapped, which was honestly deserved. And I was shocked because it takes a lot to make him snap like that. But yeah, I'm glad they toned her annoyingness way down.

Favorite relationship: Probably her friendship with Gene, because it's very sweet. They were nice while they were together, but I definitely think they work a lot better as friends. Am I biased because Galexis (that's what I'm calling them for now because it sounds similar to Galex, ahahahahah) is what I love to draw and write, but still. There's something about their dynamic that works better platonically.

Favorite headcanon: I'm actually not sure!! Okay, a headcanon that I just made up is that Courtney acted the way she did in her first appearance because she's actually quite insecure because of her heart condition (which also gives her a bit of anxiety) and thought if she put on a fake bravado and took charge by forcing Gene into a relationship, she couldn't be rejected. She ultimately was, which is probably why she grew a lot as a person. I like to think if she and Regular-Sized Rudy ever interacted, they'd be able to bond over having health issues, which I think would be very sweet to see.

[thatuselesshuman]

OC Reddit AITA Tag

Thank you for the tag @wyked-ao3 and @the-golden-comet

Rules: Make an Am I The Asshole? post (look at r/amita or r/AITA for examples if you haven’t seen them) for an OC. The community will then vote to see who is the asshole in the given scenario.

We'll use Jem, since he's been on the brain lately lol

AITA for not telling the people around me that I'm dying?

I (17M) have a disease that is killing me. I've had it my entire life, and no one has ever known about it. I think people have had suspicions, like my ally (17F) asking me why I cough up blood, but I have never told them for certain.

Now, in my opinion, this isn't something they should concern themselves with. It's my business, first of all, and second of all, I am actively working on getting cured. Besides, if I told them and word got out, it would only cause further problems for me.

That brings us to a day or two ago. We were all at dinner in the cafeteria, eating like we usually do. Earlier that day I had gotten an assignment from the leader that could end up with me dead. I also hadn't told anyone about this either, but that's besides the point. Somehow, my previously mentioned ally mentioned something about how unreasonable the leader was, and I scoffed at her. Usually I wouldn't have said anything, but because of the previous assignment I was looking for a fight.

The ally then looked at me with a look that almost said 'what's your problem?' and asked me what that was for. I brushed her off as usual, but she must have also been looking for a fight because she started lecturing me. What really pissed me off is when she mentioned something about how they only cared about her status and treated her more like a shiny possession instead of a person, and how I would know something about that (for context, I was a forced prostitute for 3 years prior).

I obviously snapped back, genuinely pissed now, saying something about how they at least don't want their shiny toy to get damaged, enough at least that they keep her alive by any means necessary. She argued that they didn't even have me doing anything dangerous, so how would I know? For some reason I saw red and started yelling at her, basically telling her that at least she didn't have an illness that was slowly killing them but instead of curing you, they instead used it to make you their slave. I also said something like she's delusional if she thinks she's the only one with the right to be mad at the world.

Well, instead of getting mad at me for yelling, now everyone's mad at me because I didn't tell them that I was dying. I was confused, because of all the things to be mad at me for, that's the thing they chose? I left, not looking to be yelled at for not sharing something that's not their business, but now no one will talk to me without bringing it up and being mad about it, which is frankly annoying. So, AITA?

@moltenwrites @willtheweaver @illarian-rambling @katenewmanwrites @agirlandherquill +open tag