#it's funny because like they don't consider autistic people to be like them right? well not funny but

[phynixdotcom]

Sometimes family members will recount details like, "your mother would spend 10 minutes making sure her socks were on just right every day," or "I had a cousin that bit off all her fingernails like you," or "I cut off all my shirt tags." I know the extended lore. This is not a neurotypical family.

[mordcore]

ever notice how the people who will be like "eww linux haha" are just bullying a group of mostly autistic people

but it's okay because they're stereotypically men and disabled men get no rights i guess

like yes cis male linux-fans can be annoying (often in an autism way btw) but as someone who has spent years among them they are on average less sexist than your average man. also a lot of us linux users are genderqueer poople. the trans women in STEM you've heard about? most of them are linux users as well, if they don't use unix or more obscure systems.

the techbros you hate? they don't use linux, they use windows and mac. linux is overwhelmingly non-commercial, and techbros are hyper-neoliberal. most of linux is FOSS (free & open source software)

linux comes from the same ideological corner as firefox. if you think firefox is great but think linux is nothing more than a funny joke you need to look in the fucking mirror. and at your own computer because if you use windows you'll have a lot of anti-features that you take for granted. if you made the switch to linux it would be like exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding for years. not saying that you have to, just, most people don't even consider making their own lives easier. you know?

[tinygenderfluid]

You know what's kinda insane to me?

The fact that Ash Ketchum isn't famous in the pokemon universe, like in-universe.

You mean to tell me that a ten-year-old going region to region, meeting multiple legendaries and solving insane problems with his recognizable as fuck pikachu isn't atleast twitter famous? Not even considered a cryptic that when people say that they met him, he beat their asses in a pokebattle, then continued to also beat a legendary/an evil league/team rocket, that people online don't go: "oooh another region/world wide incident that can go on the conspiracy board, time to put new red threads between this major world-impscting event and the fact that this kid might me god."

I mean, he atleast should be famous in Kalos from the jumping-off-the-Prism-tower-fiasco alone but he also sorta stopped an artificial apocalypse set up by an evil pokemon league using an unidentified legendary and a previously long lost mega-evolution form from a starter pokemon. (It's been a while since I watched the anime, don't get on my ass).

I mean, pokemon champions are kind of considered famous because people recognise them in-universe right? Shouldn't someone online have recognised him from hanging out with so many champions alone? You mean to tell me that if some random ten-year old started showing up in news articles with famous people even if he was just in the background, no one in the entire world would make a reddit post saying 'hey look at this funny coincidence, this kid has been spotted with 5 champions or something' ????????

Buzzfeed unsolved episodes have been made about less.

I get it that he wouldn't become well known from the mewtwo incident - because mewtwo erased the memories of everyone involved if I remember correctly - but you mean to tell me no one remembered him from the three legendary kanto birds and Lugia (saved the world), Entei, Celebi, Latio and Latias and literally every other movie? Sure, say those aren't cannon. WHAT ABOUT THE TIME HE LITERALLY GOT KIDNAPPED BY A THOUGHT TO BE EXTINCT POKEMON IN THE FIRST SEASON?? THAT DINO-ASS FLYING POKEMON THAT FORCED CHARMELEON TO EVOLVE INTO CHARIZARD SO THEY COULD FIGHT IT? HE'S NOT ATLEAST INFAMOUS IN KANTO FOR THAT??

Also you can't tell me that there are a lot of ten-year old who fight in multiple major pokemon leagues in contention for the title of regional pokemon champion.

There has to atleast be one autistic 5-year old and their mother in the pokemon world who know all about Ash Ketchum because his adventures are low-key insane.

[carpedzem]

Idk if this is relevant, but I wanted to share it because I think it's funny. I don't spend as much time as I used to paying attention to Dream because I exist at the whim of the hyperfixation lottery, but I still like to know what's going on. Partially because I was so emotionally invested in defending him for so long (it's for the best I'm not as emotionally invested, the constant controversies caused me so much stress).

Anyway. One of the things that caused me to be attached to Dream was that his brain seemed to work similarly to mine and his adhd presented similarly to mine. Often I found it hard to relate to other people with adhd because a lot of people didn't have the same sensory issues or the obsessive tendencies that I've always had. But Dream did (well, I can't speak for sensory issues, but the obsessive tendencies for sure). Which became rather isolating cause people often don't take kindly to obsessiveness, it irritates a lot of people.

Anyway, there was a time where I was terrified of the possibility that I might be on the autism spectrum, but Dream just had adhd and his adhd presented similarly to mine so I'm probably not autistic right?

Well as years went by, I learned more about autism and unlearned a good amount of ableism and my suspicion that I was on the spectrum came back. I found that a lot of the people who I related to the most had both autism and adhd. Then there was the clip where Dream was asked if he was autistic and he was like "well, maybe, I have considered the possibility"

Fast forward to now, my therapist believes that I may be on the spectrum. My friends where utterly unsurprised when I told them I might be autistic. My parents however, don't think I'm autistic cause "they would have known" which is frustrating and invalidating.

And now Dream, the very person I once took comfort in because he wasn't on the spectrum but had adhd that looked like mine, so therefore I couldn't be on the spectrum, all basically confirms that he's autistic. Short of an actual diagnosis, it's hard to get better validation than that.

This might have gotten a bit personal, but I just think it's a really funny anecdote from my life that seemed somewhat relevant to what's going on now, and I just had to share it with someone

hey anon thanks for sharing 🫶

[gowns]

i have made a very funny journey w/ autism which is like...

growing up, mom always tells me she thinks i'm autistic or (90s euphemism pop psychology thing) that i have "einstein syndrome"

and yet she never gets me tested

various accommodations are made for me in school - i am clearly "smart" but also kinda just "doing my own thing" and the teachers are either annoyed but give in to my mom browbeating them, or give me good grades for thinking outside of the box

(various cycles of hyperfixations and limerence and burn out later)

one of my best friends realizes they are autistic and we see the world the same way so we both go "hmm" about that for a while

i maintain i couldn't possibly be autistic because i have worked with high-needs autistic people* *i also tend to be very adept at working with autistic people

i notice that my older child (whose personality is identical to mine as a kid) seems to show signs of high functioning autism

eventually read devon price and other books and take the tests and etc and i'm like hmm ok i guess i have autism

by this point i am so keenly Aware that i am Neurodivergent and maybe that's why i seem to operate in a different reality than a lot of other people, that it seems hard to remember a time when i thought i was "normal" and trying hard to be "normal"

like now i'm just owning being an odd duck and needing my funny little ways of recharging and having fun

and now i find i'm actually a bit annoyed at various influencers who talk about discovering that they have autism because sometimes they don't want to go to parties or w/e and i'm like. "hmm. but is this the same flavor as the thing i have? idk what kind you have but i'm clearly on another level of it."

(very silly, i went to gatekeeping one side of the gate to gatekeeping on the other side of the gate. hahaha.)

anyway, i try not to be judgmental, it's just interesting that autism and adhd are en vogue right now. #relateable.

i still maintain that the bigger problem is Society. like, having tiny computers in our pockets combined w/ unreasonable employers who want you to be Focused on a Task for 8 hours are definitely doing things to our brains and making us feel deficient if we can't do Productive things. and then the pings. ping. ping. ping. check this. do that. ping. ping. ping.

and then it's like -- when people figure they must be neurodivergent because they take a moment to pause and dip out of the constant noise and they're like whoa i feel better for a moment -- well of course, taking a nap in the middle of the day feels good. it feels good to spend some time alone and in solitude when most of your day is responding to PINGS. and guess what, microdosing meth feels good, weed feels good, looking at wikipedia or reddit instead of doing work feels good, etc etc. the fact that adderall feels good =/= your brain works "different" or is "defective" in some way.

ok. you're probably different. sure.

it's like the same basic question of literature, theatre, art, of the last 400-odd-years, what is a human, what makes me tick, why do i feel a separation between me and others, what is that other person even thinking, why are we both looking at each other like "you're insane"? why are the motivations and inner workings of this other person so inscrutable, and mine are so comfortable and infinitely knowable?

--

however. all that being said. i think it may eventually come to a point where more people are considered neurodivergent than neurotypical, and hopefully, you would think, that would mean more accommodations, which would mean society as a whole would be more accommodating towards disability.

but i fear that on the other end, it may end up in situation where otherwise-typical people with an immense amount of privilege (e.g. average white americans) figure out how to weaponize incompetence (so to speak) and automate more labor away from them and giving the global lower classes more grunt work to shoulder. all while not acknowledging the true source of that "i don't belong" feeling ... and creating more alienation ... hmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMM

--

all that being said, it's fun to share autistic memes with friends

[curioussubjects]

I just finished Veilguard, and...I'm really not sure how I feel about it?

All in all: good game, had fun, but still didn't quite hit some of the highs it wanted to hit and it's still not as good as DA2

(Spoilers galore below for everything)

The Good:

Pretty game is pretty;

Love the codexes, especially the ones written by companions or with their commentary;

Speaking of, the Mementos had so excellent tid bits of lore flavor to them, as well;

Regrets of the Dread Wolf was a damn good quest;

Some truly funny party banter;

I actually thought it was really easy to figure out who my Rook is as I played the game, which was much harder for me to do for my Lavellan in DAI;

And speaking of Lavellan, she was in character she WOULD say that she WOULD do that. Bless;

Everything about Nevarra and the Mourn Watch, I wish there was more content there because I was so into it;

Orb and dagger mage is really fun to play, which was VERY surprising considering I don't play close range ever;

I also really enjoyed destroying blight boils for some reason lmao;

Petting cats (they PURR WHEN YOU DO);

Assan <3;

Taash being so autistic;

Teia and Viago my beloveds;

✨Friendship✨

The Solavellan of it all;

And Solas, too. Love that sadsack disaster man;

Maybe this is super basic of me but I liked Varric's narration...idk it's comforting;

Honestly, just Varric in general was a bit safety blanket in a nice way for me because the game feels overwhelming at first;

There's no party like an all Dalish party!

Exploring -- loved finding all the fun details in each location, and I know I didn't even do enough in my playthrough;

I'm weak for stories about guilt, fear and regret. And I'm even weaker when those stories are so obviously about forgiveness and moving forward. Also love. Always love.

The Bad:

The pacing. I've said this before but DAtV could've used a more explicit arc structure or have quests note which level they're meant for or SOMETHING because some times it seemed I was doing quests too early or too late for when I was in the main story. I also thought events kept oscillating from happening too fast or too slowly, and it very much did get in the way of immersion;

The romance. Literally what are you doing Dragon Age that you fumble the romance. Granted, I only romanced Davrin so far, but I'm getting the sense from looking through the tag that maybe Lucanis' romance also feels a bit off? Honestly I have so many issues with the romance progression for Davrin that it's its own section;

I hope this is only a Veil Jumpers issue, but I thought Rook was so separate from the faction. I felt very little connection to them;

I've seen some people point out NPCs talk to Rook like they're a child, and while I don't really agree with that I do think Rook doesn't have enough opportunities to be knowledgeable in their own right. Especially annoying with a mage Veil Jumper Rook! I miss the Inquisition perk dialogue options that let my Lavellan be a smarty pants;

Holy overdesigned armors! Yikes!

Not all areas are as well developed as the others: Rivain is the most egregiously empty and underdeveloped, but I actually thought Arlathan Forest was super lifeless too. So was the Lighthouse! You get the early game discovery bit and then nothing ever again and it's like oh that was really it huh (and the stuff we did get was so good please more?);

I hate to say this but BioWare missed the mark with Rook's place in the group. The companions seemed connected to each other, yeah, but Rook was like some cross between group therapist and not-so-undercover boss. There was none of the warmth Hawke got from their companions (or the Inquisitor, for that matter!). The game really needed 1. a lighthearted party hangout cutscene and 2. companions coming together to take care of Rook (the fact this isn't even a thing in the romance is bonkers to me);

Taash's personal quest being about choosing between being Rivain and Qunari as if that's how culture works is Bad Actually;

The worst minimap I've ever seen in a game wow;

Also: give me back my beacon marker;

The gods were in a regret prison but what were their regrets exactly we just don't know.

The Bad (Romance Edition):

Again, the pacing! Incredibly slow to start (and not in a slow burn way, mind!) and then super fast in the last third of the game;

In fact, the romance seemed to be running on a completely different level than the rest of the story. The last romance scene was incredibly out of place tonally, especially.

The first two romance titles for Davrin are "Thrill of the Chase" and "Hot and Bothered"...and like WHERE????

Davrin never writes about Rook as a romantic partner or as if he has any concerns with the relationship...which we later find out he has, but was news to me;

Tbh, the romance felt like an afterthought. There were cutscenes that in any other DA game there would've been flirting options, for instance, but this time there was nothing (what do you mean Rook can't make a flirty comment when Davrin is shirtless working out with Taash? It's low hanging fruit!);

Not nearly enough flirty banter between Rook and Davrin, which is nuts considering their personalities;

I'm really super disappointed with Davrin's romance, which sucks because he's actually perfect for my Rook and I really like his character. There was so much potential for a really fun romance that was both tense and sexy, but also sweet. But no. Secret good Davrin romance that exists in my head save me.

The ???:

Southern Thedas got scorched when the North didn't how?

Please tell me who was catfishing Andraste;

Making enemies super aggro on Rook unless you specifically have companions taunting was very weird.

[clay-tries-his-best]

! atsv spoilers !

when i sat down in my theatre seat to see atsv im telling you i was being the most autistic fuck you've ever witnessed. you could practically see the sparkles in my eye, dude.

the spot. my godddd he's so silly. the marketing ploy to make him seem like the side villain from the trailers was so fucking smart. I really thought that Miguel was going to be the main villain considering him fighting miles in pracgjcalky every trailer ever and being in the post-credits scene of itsv. and miles dealing with having to be everywhere at once was very realistic and gave me the classic "oh my god this poor boy this is painful to watch". oh and gwen's beginning scene of the drums just gave me the feeling that the movie was going to be fantastic. like, betrayal, amazing visuals, more gwen?? already a wonderful start. also the fact that the spot's whole reason to turn into a major villain is that nobody, not even the person who caused his disfigurement, would take him seriously- like- HUH???? perfect. wonderful. bro just wanted miles to pay attention to him for a little while.

Pavitr and Hobie were also really great additions to the spider team. Despite the fact that Hobie's accent was so thick and deep that I couldn't understand what he was saying a good third of the time, he still managed to work his way into my top 5 characters of the movie. THAT is good character building. At first I thought he was going to be the stereotypical love rival, considering his first mention was miles getting jealous of him and gwen being friends. I was worried that was how the story was actually going to go when he upstaged miles by breaking done the collider force field, but hes actually a really chill and cool guy. pretty sure he even roots for gwen and miles, so that's pretty funny. Pavitr was also super funny with a great character design. " Chai means tea, you're just saying tea tea! " was probably one of my favorite lines / jokes from the whole movie. His world was also very pretty and SUPER detailed. Props to every artist for Mumbatten.

Miguel and Peter B.'s dynamic was really fun to watch as well. This cryptic emo ass mastermind vampire who has watched people die and destroyed a universe next to this middle aged man in a pink fuzzy bathrobe who's oogling over his daughter. also, the line where Miguel said " I've had the right amount of you today " to peter b instead of " I've had enough of you " like the normal saying goes was kinda queer. just saying. but yeah, great villain, and I do want to see him in the final battle against spot, but I eventually don't want him to be the one to beat spot, y'know? If it was to be anyone, it's obviously going to be miles. Whether it's just miles or miles and gwen or miles and the gang gwen assembled at the end of atsv (WHICH HAD SPIDERNOIR YESSS SPIDERNOIR FANS LETS GOOOOOOO I HAD THE STUPIDEST SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I SAW HIM IM TELLKNG YOU), in the end it's still gotta be miles.

the collider scene with the spot was really cool. spot may be silly, but he's not dumb enough to be " saved " by his archnemesis who only cared about him when he was about to become a transdimensional eldritch horror. boss move. his final form was really pleasing to look at because you can just see the detail that went into it. Looking at some screenshots, I noticed there were a lot of eyes and I'm pretty sure I saw a version of spiderman (original world 1610 peter, possibly?) staring at miles / the audience. despite him not showing up for another hour, hour and a half, I wasn't mad. If a movie can avoid showing the main villain for that long and still have them integrated properly, just, wow. blown away. oh and this part made me even more interested because his beginning ost, spot 1, I think? his random beats and tunes sounded more silly and disorganized and clumsy, like him trying to take the atm. near the end, he got spot 2, which was more shrill and frightening. I'm not musically trained, and I could still tell that it was scarier, and to me, they sounded very similar. To not have too far of a difference between the two and stroke two entirely different chords is just. ugh. wow.

don't even get me started on prowler miles... RAHHH THE CHARACTER AND WORLD DESIGN FOR UNIVERSE 42!!!! it was so beautiful and scary and breathtaking because there is. no. spiderman. when miles's mom didn't know what he was talking about and gwen wasn't really outside, it hit me like a brick in the head. and alternate aaron??? hello??? he made me physically uncomfortable because of how terrifying his face was. i couldnt even tell if he was wearing makeup or he was just that dramatjcally shaded. the turn miles does to see that it was his dad painted on the wall instead of aaron.... GRAHHHHHH

as an aspiring artist, I can say nothing but wow. that movie, the fact that it was 2 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES???? HELLO??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK THAT MUSTVE TOOK??? unbelievable. and you know that sony felt bad for making us wait on a cliffhanger, so they probably were around 3/4 done with atsv and started working on beyond, so we didn't have to wait as long as we would've if they finished atsv and then started beyond. I'm so glad that those 5 years in the Sony team paid off, because that. was. amazing. my depression is vaporized. im going feral, going wild, going insane. i will not think of anything else until beyond is out. can't wait to see my bbg spot have his villain moment in March 2024!!! <333

[thecalmerllama]

Things people didn't ask for: WWRY headcanons that are so true and make so much sense for no reason

Starting off pretty obv with most of them being neurodivergent!! Esp Gaz and Scara my ADHD/Autistic duo!!

Also I feel pretty obv with Meat and Brit basically adopting all the bohemians as their own kids, except big macca who's the weird uncle. They def took all of them under their wing, including some of the (who I see as) younger ones like Cliff, Charlotte etc.

Brit is a total softie, especially for his wife Miss Loaf🥺🥺 he likes to pretend he's a big macho man but he's type that would bake cookies and cry if they burnt. He def treats Meat like a total queen, and pampers her religiously - and he never wants her to go scavenging with him in case she gets hurt.

With the amount of canon bi and gender non conforming rep that we have in the show, i definitely don't think scara's "they think I'm a lesbian because I don't wear pastels' line should go unnoticed. She definitely likes girls and I do def headcanon that Gazza is basically her only exception because she just radiates queer vibes to me. And also maybe demigirl suits her too - as I really do feel like she feels quite disconnected from what is regarded on planet mall as 'feminine' and 'girly'. (Or maybe I'm projecting)

Gaz is Bi, let's be real.

Little more out there now;

Gazza radiates MtF vibes I cannot explain he just does don't @ me okay.

Pop is Scara's dad this is probably only just me but I got such father/daughter vibes from them and seeing as we never met anyone's parents I feel like it's super up to interpretation but for me it just feels right but he doesn't realise it til yeaaaars after they meet, I.e: "I used to know a gorgeous chick that looked just like you, crazy lady. I knocked her up and after I started working at globalsoft full time never saw her again - I wonder what happened to that ki- *oh*" I dunno it'd just be funny considering everything he says to her when they meet (in both the 2002 productions and more recent ones).

Speaking on the pop subjects that man has stories to TELL and drops lore like atomic freaking bombs. "Oh yeah I used to know KQ really well... REALLY well *wiggling his eyebrows which is met with a chorus of 'ews' from the bohemians*" "oh yeah I know Commander K, very commanding and stuck up, and quick frankly terrible in bed" (because let's be honest, pop has tried everything with anyone, and him an Khash were so roommates when they were as High School).

Brit has never killed anyone. Ever. He makes people think he has, but he once stepped on a bug and sobbed, for hours. Meat had to makeshift a funeral for the poor thing 100% and while Gaz is enthralled by when Brit tells a tale of how he "took a life" the whole gang has to hold back giggles cause they're taken right back to him sobbing on the dirt outside the heartbreak.

Scara got most of the stuff for her act one outfit by sneaking into the archives and finding so much fabric that wasn't available to the public for sale in the malls. My girl is smart and scrappy and def was like the OG goths, dyeing, repurposing and making her own clothes all the time.

Let me know your WWRY headcanons🫶🫶

[snorkling-in-sodasea]

Establishing Couples in Hazbin: Stolitz Season 1

Finally got around to this. I decided to make this post just season one and save the post for season two until January, when season two should be over, if that schedule's right. But it's just amazing how much material I got to work with in just one season in how much of a mismatched pair they are. I think I'll split this topic up in a post per season, in fact, because of the sheer amount of what I got to work with. Also, I'll be bringing up at some points of my post the whole 'Stolas is autistic' thing that plenty of fans like to go with; I'd like to say that I don't mean any insults to anyone when I mention it. And I don't know if this will amount to anything but it might be important to inform you all that I myself actually am autistic. Also, I'll probably derail a little bit here and there because I'm a spontaneous typer here. Now for anyone and everyone okay with a Stolitz/Stolas roasting, let's get started.

I might as well go in order of appearances that Stolas and Blitz make together, including phone calls. That's probably good because the only interaction that they have in the pilot (maybe the pilot's non-canon but, as far as I know and feel, it's selective which parts of a pilot are canon and which ones aren't) The phone call was funny to me at the time but that was probably before Stolas's woobifying process or whatever it's called. (Yeah, there's bound to be people who don't like that type of humor but at least it was for sure a joke instead of a back and forth double standard kind of bullshit). Still, Blitzo showed how much he didn't like it, even getting Loona's help for it

2. Starting up the series proper, there's Murder Family. Specifically, the scene when Blitzo is being hunted down by Martha and a little detail when he's talking to Mayberry.

First up, Blitzo has an alarm system for his employees to intervene when something gets too much for him. One of the buttons is for Stolas. For. STOLAS. As in, Blitzo would press that button if Stolas was there and made him feel too uncomfortable and/or unsafe thanks to this damn owl.

Then there's the bigger scene with being chased down by Martha. Stolas is watching Blitzo through the bubbles. He can see what's happening. His arm wound is even visible to Stolas. Even if not, it can't be that hard to figure out something's wrong when the person you're calling is whispering 'now's not a good time'. This damn owl decides none of that matters and makes a phone call. This is the biggest damning moment that all those claims that Stolas didn't realize what he was doing really does become impossible, or at the very, very, very least, get so improbable that it's almost impossible. (Although for the second thing, I still don't get how so I'm probably giving this too much credit by even entertaining the thought)

Anyways, I'll get into more detail about this specific moment because it's relevant for Apology Tour but, should I watch the bathtub scene, I can't see how Stolas is completely oblivious to what he's doing. Especially if Stolas initially let Blitzo just have the book at first and would still have ensured contact if Stolas bothered to just flex his social position and go wherever he wants, whenever he wants. It's not like Viv gives Stolas a lot of responsibilities in the show anyways. (Seriously, the Full Moon Festival in episode 5 and the paperwork in a fucking music video, which people can easily miss if they're not compelled to watch it, is literally the only two times we ever see Stolas do anything resembling a job). I can't see any reason whatsoever as to why this just had to be sexual

There's also the part that Stolas managed to talk for hours without Blitzo ever responding back to him. I would have expected someone who loved me to eventually want to know if I'm listening to him and ever say something to them sometimes, especially over a fucking phone call. Yet Stolas just went on and on and, considering he purposely picked when Blitzo was being shot at to propose the sex deal. That says to me that Stolas is so focused how horny Stolas himself is that he can't even be bothered to see if Blitzo made it out the whole 'being-shot-at' thing alive so that Blitzo can fuck him at a later date

3. Next is Loo Loo Land. To be honest, I loved this episode when it came out but, just like the phone call in the pilot, this was before the woobifying and this was the first time Stolas has done his disgusting shit. As a result, I didn't think about it that hard and I didn't expect Stolas to keep repeating his mistakes since you normally expect fictional characters to mess up in a certain way once and never again. If it is going to happen again, then it either needs to build up to something or be executed differently than the first time.

Anyways, Stolas was being yelled at by Stella, looking like it was for the cheating. Eventually, that specific fight comes to pass and Stolas tries to talk to Octavia. He gets the idea to go to an amusement park she used to love but makes it obvious that she has no desire to go now that she's a teenager. I heard that someone made the argument that, believing Stolas to be autistic, it meant that he couldn't tell that Octavia didn't want to go because she's a sarcastic teenager and sarcasm is hard to tell apart from sincerity and Stolas rarely interacts with anyone. I'm not buying that. I'm not saying it's impossible but it's highly improbable. It's incredibly rare for anything to truly be impossible so things are just improbable depending on what you're talking about. So I find it highly improbable that a thirty-something year old man would still not recognize that Octavia isn't excited to go, autism or not. Even if you can't tell by words, you can at least tell by attitude and demeanor so Stolas still should've been able to tell, especially by the time he reaches adult age. (Sorry, ended up going off on a tangent but the next paragraph shows that I felt the need for extra context and I provided that to some degree)

Besides, autism or not, it's still a damn stupid plan that Stolas has. He seems to want to have Blitzo there to flirt with at any moment he pleases and to have a happily distracted daughter that he can sometimes give attention to, because at least the first time ends up happening. Thing is, considering what has made Octavia so upset in the damn first place, then Stolas wasn't going to accomplish or obtain both things that he wanted, especially in the way that he tried. It's obvious in how it failed for Octavia but it failed with Blitzo, too. Stolas simply didn't have to deal with that like he had to deal with Octavia because it's her who reached her limit, not him. Still, how it failed with Blitzo is that he was not receptive to the the touches and he didn't look happy at any point of time. What's more, it's a bit of evidence that goes into Blitzo's ultimate feelings as revealed in Full Moon

4. Next is Harvest Moon Festival, starting with Blitzo and Stolas having sex in his palace, mansion, whatever. The point is - and this is another tangent about something else entirely so feel free to skip this paragraph if you want - it's Octavia's home, not just Stolas's, and Stolas is still having sex with the guy she's afraid would leave him behind. Maybe Stolas thinks that Octavia is fine with him having sex with Blitzo because she's reassured that he won't abandon her. Except it comes off as disrespectful towards her if Stolas is continuing his affair in their shared home because he thinks everything's hunky-dory now that they had all that crap in Loo Loo Land sorted out and it'll never be a problem again. (Considering how little Octavia shows up in the series, only ever showing up for extra angst on Stolas's part, then maybe it somehow really isn't a problem. It's not like the characters are typically written like how people logically react to specific shit, anyways.)

Anyways, Blitz only ever looked happy talking to Stolas when thinking about going to the Harvest Moon Festival, something that he easily could've heard from Millie or even Moxxie. So it's not like Stolas was all that special in this instance of anything resembling happiness in Stolas's presence. Not to mention, Blitzo immediately gets to a more agitated state when he feels the need to tell Stolas to not get kinky with him. It's kind of telling that Blitzo legit feels the need to tell him that. Like he can't trust Stolas to restrain himself otherwise

After all, Stolas is already so fucking horny just by watching Blitzo. Blatantly sending flirtations to him in the audience, announcing him the winner with the not preferred name which pretty much embarrassed him, and it got to the point where Blitzo didn't want to stick around much longer if there's gonna be nothing but a thirsty-ass owl on stage. Blitzo couldn't make his discomfort any more obvious throughout the entire time he's at the games, should it come up, so Stolas has to be willfully ignoring all of it or is the stupidest fucker in all of their universe to not notice anything wrong

5. After this is Truth Seekers, when Stolas came in to rescue I.M.P. He started it off with 'impish, little plaything'. No matter what the reason he had for saying it, it's a demeaning phrase specifically pointing out race so how else is Blitzo supposed to see it? Does Stolas genuinely think it's a cute, little pet name?

Then there's Stolas actually chewing out Blitzo for getting in trouble with D.H.O.R.K.S. Stolas is the one who has been watching for who knows how long and just let them handle it until they couldn't. If Stolas is gonna let I.M.P. deal with the against the agents and take his time helping, if he's gonna do it at all, then it feels like he's in the wrong for chastising them. Even though I probably can't explain that very well, Stolas definitely doesn't have the right to lecture Blitzo about carelessness when he's the one who just lends the all important grimoire for sex. If anything, Stolas is a hypocrite for getting upset about carelessness when lending out the book for sex to an imp is its own brand of carelessness. After all, the damn book is supposed to be Stolas's responsibility and no one else's. The point is, Stolas is basically blaming Blitzo for something that's more Stolas's fault than anyone else's and it's not good for their 'relationship' if Stolas's go to thoughts for anything wrong is that it's all entirely Blitzo's fault and that Stolas himself never contributed to any of it. Let's not forget how Stolas just touches Blitzo however he wanted and Blitzo just glares. I also read or heard a good point somewhere that Blitzo doesn't protest but still looks unhappy, highly likely because he gave up trying to establish boundaries. He knows that Stolas won't listen. I thought initially that Blitzo knew that he's in trouble with Stolas so he just takes whatever Stolas wants to do to him because protesting against it just makes him more upset. What I thought was sad but giving up establishing boundaries because you know they won't be respected is even sadder

Finally, Stolas asks for a reward for saving Blitz. That's so as fuck not a thing that 'kind' people do. Kind people don't even think about an award for what they do. At best, they just wish to not be given an attitude by the people they attempt to help. People who genuinely love another person also don't expect anything from the person they love to give any awards; it's already award enough to see them happy and well. Stolas doesn't refuse the offer for sex, either, so that's another thing against him for that 'relationship' he wants later down the line

Oh, and I guess there's the trip that Blitzo ended up going on thanks to the truth serum. Particularly the part where he sees Stolas being on his fancy-ass throne and pulling Blitzo by the chains and collar. Wouldn't be surprised if he feels trapped. Really, the only 'romance' that be detected as if you had kink or a fetish for, at best, dubiously consensual situations. But for an actual relationship, I doubt it's normal for someone to feel trapped and needing to serve the other. Stolas's actual actions after the trip is bound to not have helped that perception in the slightest, either

6. Finally, there's Ozzie's. Blitz first thinks of using Stolas to get into Ozzie's to spy on Millie and Moxxie. (So weird how no one ever brings this up when holding Blitzo accountable for what he did to Stolas. Other than seducing him for the book and stealing it, this is the only other thing that comes to mind on the actual shitty things Blitzo did to Stolas). Blitzo never worded it like he wanted to go on a date, though. He just asked to go to a club. It was Stolas who decided to interpret it that way. It is douchey for Blitzo to never correct it because it's apparently that important for him to not even give Millie and Moxxie a single night to themselves (I really hate that this never amounts to anything)

Things get bad, though, when the heat is on Blitzo and, by extension, Stolas when Blitzo tried defending Moxxie. Not only did Stolas never do a single, solitary thing to defend Blitzo when he was being harassed like how Millie did for Moxxie but there was a point where Stolas legitimately tried to run away. Then, of course, the well-known menu scene.

You see, everyone brings up the menu scene, and it is important, but it's also important to point out how Stolas hid his face behind the menu because Ozzie pulled him back in his seat and didn't let him run. Yeah, Blitzo never saw the 'trying-to-run-away' part but, considering Apology Tour and the crap Stolas says in the beginning, that whole thing here is important. Seriously, Stolas may be said that he's a pacifist, but the writing obviously goes too far and makes Helluva's Stolas seem like a coward who will undoubtedly make his 'loved ones' suffer just for the sake of taking the path of least resistance. Because this Stolas only ever cares about taking the easy way out in any given crisis

Finally, when Blitzo drops Stolas off at his mansion. Stolas has the freaking sheer stupidity to try inviting Blitzo in after Blitzo's obviously in a bad mood. Again, Stolas has to be socially braindead to witness how the evening went for Blitzo and still think it's appropriate to spend time with him, especially after mentioning that Octavia's with her mom. Really, Stolas already seems socially inept to not pick up that Blitzo's struggling not to cry and at least stop trying to invite him in. God, it's annoying to recall how shocked Stolas looked when Blitzo called him out for their relations with each other because it's like, 'how is this a surprise to you? It's not like Blitzo was ever not direct about how things are'. But yeah, even when Stolas is 'kinder', he's still not considerate, what with witnessing his loved ones being bullied right in front of him and still trying to carry on like things can still be fun in the end

The cherry on top is when Blitzo is looking at the pictures in his phone. He's so much happier with Fizzarolli, Verosika, and Barbie and Tilla. Stolas, though? Blitzo may be smiling but he also looks tired. What's more, Stolas is asleep.

As in, literally the only time in the entire show that I can think of that Blitzo is smiling in Stolas's presence is when Stolas himself is asleep.

And yeah, I'm going up all the way to Apology Tour. The photo that Blitzo secretly took of himself and Stolas is literally the only time I know of where Blitzo is actually happy when Stolas is nearby and he's fucking sleeping.

Seriously, how sad is that? That the only time your partner is even remotely happy around you is when you're not talking to each other or interacting with each other in any shape or form or when you're not even awake to look at them? And again, Blitzo looks tired as he smiles so that means, even at the height of happiness that Stolas brings him, Blitzo will just be too drained to properly enjoy it

*

And that's all the interactions that Stolas and Blitzo had together in the first season, including the pilot. At least, what comes to memory, because I'm already rewatching episodes for rewrite fanfics and I don't want to do it for more than I already do.

Anyways, just by the first season and even the pilot alone, there's no grounds for even a decent relationship, let alone a good one. For the most part, Stolas keeps doing whatever the fuck he wants and Blitzo looks pissed off by all of it. In turn, Blitzo only cares about what he can get from Stolas, he never shows any interest in Stolas himself. I guess to Stolas's credit, as little as he can be given and as undeserved it might be, Stolas did try some small talk to really get to know Blitzo, even if it's extremely surface-level. (Although it's probably not good that it took seven episodes for Stolas to ever even try surface-level learning about Blitzo, given that the first season is eight episodes)

Even with just that, it's already shitty for a relationship because one party really is just being treated like a plaything by the other. And to think, season 2 manages to make everything worse... until next time, when that season's finished

[honorary-fool]

Can you tell us about your hsr oc(s)?

gladly >:D

The only one that's been properly fleshed out so far is Clover- I have a few work in progress ones like a tattoo artist, I *think* I was gonna make one a Galaxy Ranger, and a Knight of Beauty (I should work on her more, she's neat ^^)

for now gonna stick w/ Clover though. sticking this stuff under the cut 'cus I fear how long it'll be /lh

species: human/foxian mix

(They were born to two "human" parents; unaware there were recessive foxian genes in their bloodlines until Clover & their fraternal twin were born, to which Clover popped out with the trademark foxian ears & tail. As it turns out, an ancestor started a family with a foxian. Idk how genes work but something like that. Or I can make it up, it's a sci-fi/fantasy game lol).

age: ~185 chronologically, ~26 physically/mentally

gender/prns: genderqueer & they/she

path: Preservation (kit) / Trailblaze (lore)

element: fire

faction: the Nameless

planet of origin: x (tbd)

Like previously stated, Clover is a fraternal twin, the other being an "expy" of my primary genshin OC. To sum up their lore without needing to put trigger warnings (/lh): dysfunctional household -> realizes she's queer at a young age -> things get Worse -> ran away in late teens -> ends up with their first partner. said partner is Horrible in multiple ways -> on the run again, trying to cope with everything and survive as they go from planet to planet to figure out what to do next. picks up odd jobs, including mechanic-related stuff. oops guess that's their profession now -> runs into the Astral Express crew at some point -> ??? -> aboard the Astral Express.

How did they come to join the Nameless, you might be asking? ... Good question, I still don't know either. If I had to estimate, either during or after the initial Penacony quests (2.2-2.3 ish) I'd like to think they boarded the Astral Express, but as for reasoning... not sure yet either.

They haven't had much of a chance to partake in the traiblazing itself, mostly from her trying to get acclimated to everything first. As a mechanic, a lotta the time when they're not out with the others, they stay behind to help with the train's maintenance, especially when Himeko is unable to. Not entirely boring though, considering frequent maintenance it's just quick checks for the most part, so free otherwise. A lotta their social interaction comes from either the rest of the folks on the train itself and whoever pops in from the guest book. Got some funny anecdotes w/ Boothill and Argenti for that in particular.

Clover's bi, ambiamorous, demiromantic, & fluctuates on the asexual spectrum. My go-to ships w/ her is themself, Boothill, and Argenti because I'm a raging queer and those two will not get out of my thoughts (/lh). Also tryin' to come up with stuff with them and a few others (Robin, Serval, Sunday & March 7th; tried to figure out stuff w/ her and Gallagher but considering the timeline of when she'd end up with the Nameless, I don't think it'd work out unless in like an AU maybe).

misc trivia:

primary weapon- taken inspo from destruction path Trailblazer- is a big metal wrench. Gotta love hitting people over the head with large metal objects for your ultimate, right?

on a similar note, they create shields with their skill! not sure of much past that

neurodivergent (autistic & I'm not entirely sure if she'd meet the critieria for PTSD but... at least some symptoms of it? Gotta read up more and brush over my notes)

in a similar vein, neurodivergency + sensitive hearing from the big fox ears = hell ; if foxian-shaped ear protectors were made in the future they'd get like 3

similar vein part 2: a fiend for fidget toys. their go-to's are chewlery/the ones you can bite on (especially in their fox form*- may or may not have an Actual chew toy for that reason), as well as those picky-pad thingies to keep themself from picking at their tail's fur when stressed

when texting, their go-to emojis are the Pom-Pom ones and the ones of the Wubbaboos

*: not meant to be a Mary Sue thing, I read once on the antifandom wiki that foxians are capable of that and my mind ran with it /lh

And before I end it off, here's the dork (/aff)

[liketolaugh-writes]

I know I've talked about this before, but God, I'm never going to stop resenting the hold that Harry Potter has on me.

As an autistic person, special interests never really leave you, and that's more true for longer-standing ones. I really can't explain how all-consuming they are, how much time and energy and love you pour into them, how much joy and comfort you get from them. I'm kind of between special interests right now, after finishing both Constellations and Blue Food Project, and it's unsettling. Makes me restless, leaves a lot of time in my day. (Time I can use to look for jobs! Positives.)

Anyway. Harry Potter was definitely my longest-standing special interest to date. It was my SI through most of elementary school, and given the choice, I would do nothing except reread them, over and over and over and over again. My parents had to institute a rule where every time I finished the series, I had to wait a certain amount of time before I read it again, and I always did as soon as the time was up. There are parts of it, useless stupid lines, that I can still recite from memory. ("And he was even brave enough to nibble the end off a funny gray one that turned out to be pepper" has always been my favorite example.) I don't engage much with the Harry Potter fandom, because it's a mutant factioned thing that kind of scares me, but the story stays with me nonetheless.

Like many other fans, this letter broke my heart; I'm sure you know the one even without clicking the link. She's only gotten worse since then (every so often I still look at her Twitter account and mourn) but this was the beginning of the end. Most authors, I can forgive their transgressions; I can trust that they've grown, I can accept that their work is flawed, and I can enjoy what I read despite that.

Every since that letter, and plenty of the subsequent scandals besides, I've been unable to do that. I read any part of Harry Potter and I can see nothing but flaws. I see sexism, and ableism, and cultural appropriation and colonialism and hypocrisy. I think, why are there so many crowds of tittering girls? and why does everyone hate Fleur seemingly just for being French and pretty? and why did she design the Slug Club without any acknowledgement of 'this is literally how to break into a career field?' There is nothing there for me but frustration and hurt.

I've seen people in the trans community complain about cis folk asking if they can 'still enjoy' Harry Potter, which I understand. (I consider myself nonbinary, but my gender identity is so unimportant to me that I still consider my place in that community tenuous.) But this isn't that. This is frustration. Harry Potter was carved into me years ago, and I can't seem to dig it out, and I have yet to decide what to do with that.

But the story stays with me. The memory of it is inescapable. I don't even really need to reread the books to write fanfics, most of the time; I know every plot point by heart. How could I not? And every unanswered question, every point of shoddy worldbuilding that drives me nuts about that world - I can fix those. I do it all the time in other fandoms. It's really not that hard to create the answers to the plot holes that bother you.

Most of the Harry Potter fics I write are crossovers - Harry Potter goes well with just about any world, kind of like Avengers does. But there's one I've been playing with that bugs me in a special way.

I mentioned finishing 'Constellations,' my two part series where Percy Jackson goes to therapy for everything he goes through in the PJO and HoO books. That was a love letter to Percy Jackson, to Rick Riordan's writing. Like any writer, he has his flaws and weak points, but I love it nonetheless, every part of it. I wrote it with the intent to supplement and highlight canon for everything I love about it.

Now, I find myself writing a similar fic for Harry Potter, with Harry Potter going through therapy. It's in the beginning stages yet (such stories are obviously difficult) but it's such a fascinating topic that I can't shake it. What happens when a survivor of such vicious neglect suddenly is accused of seeking attention at every turn? How can someone so victimized by the Ministry come to trust them enough to work as an Auror? Did Dumbledore truly understand what he subjected Harry to with the Dursleys?

But with Constellations, I had respect for Riordan's writing that I don't have for Rowling's. Such a story would come from a completely different place. And that's fascinating, too. It's just complicated.

I'm not going anywhere with this, I guess. It's just- frustrating, to so thoroughly resent a story and a cast that I also love so much.

[mechanical-aristocrat]

What are your thoughts on Screwllums letter to Svarog? I'm open for discusstions.

[OOC:]

My immediate thought upon reading it was "this is super wholesome and cute" and yeah, I still definitely think that, but I've got a lot more to say now that it's been sitting in my brain for few days so buckle up:

First off, this man is so totally autistic /aff (as is literally any robot character in any piece of media, you can't convince me that an allistic robot is a thing that exists). Over explaining to make sure the exact point he's trying to get across does so as accurately as possible and apologizing in advance for accidentally crossing boundaries (considering that at this point in time Svarog is basically a complete stranger), as an autistic person myself it's very relatable to see.

Second, I think it's really funny that he only knows of Svarog's existence because he watched what is essentially an E-Sports tournament, which he only watched because Silver Wolf practically begged him to (because I think we can pretty safely assume that the "Stellaron Hunter friend" he was referring to was her); that just adds onto the relatability for me because I also do not give a flying fuck about E-Sports, he's so real for that. I love Screwllum and Silver Wolf's dynamic with each other, they give off uncle-niece vibes and it's very fun (what I don't understand and will never understand is people shipping them with each other, it makes me really uncomfortable for several reasons, but for the sake of my sanity I'm not going to get into it).

Third, the letter honestly just confirmed some of the headcanons I had once I sat down and read all the lore regarding the Machine Emperor Wars about a month ago (which I highly recommend btw it's super interesting stuff). I guess I sort of had the fear that Hoyo would try to make it so the IPC just completely dropped every last bit of their idea to exterminate all mechanical life the second Screwllum proved to them that robots aren't inherently harmful to humanity, and that everything was just magically okay after that and humans and machines could live in perfect harmony with absolutely no conflict whatsoever. Thank fuck they didn't do that because that would've been both super boring and super unrealistic, Screwllum acknowledges within the letter that there are many places where robots are regarded only as tools, they don't often have the same sort of foot holding in society that humans do, and he hopes that changes someday.

(one of the headcanons that I have regarding this is that there's a secretive group of people within the IPC that are specifically trying to fuck up Screwllum's reputation and the reputations other robots who are also massive public figures that advocate for robot rights, but especially in Screwllum's case they haven't found much success because that man does not have a single problematic line of code in his programming)

Lastly, I would kill to see Screwllum and Svarog properly interact in the future, I think they'd get along so well and their dynamic would be so fun. I don't necessarily ship them, but more power to you if you do, honestly I might eventually be convinced to ship them if more stuff like this shows up, this was super cute (also, before anyone reading gets confused, the "we will come to call each other "brothers"" bit at the end of the letter does not mean anything that would make shipping these two characters quote-on-quote "problematic". The word "brothers" in this context purely refers to a strong bond of friendship and mutual understanding. I honestly should not have to explain that, but considering that the internet is the internet, I figured I ought to).

[quietwingsinthesky]

"stop voting for gabriel gabriel is Not cool he’s a dork" tbf, my definition of "cool" has never seemed to align with what others consider "cool". my definition of "cool" usually requires some level of autism around dinosaurs and/or animals in general (GODS I love weird animal trivia and Jurassic Park did something to my brain chemistry my dad taking small child me to see it in theaters was a Mistake) which none of the archangels seem to display much of. the closest is Gabe with the little dog in his first ep.

(Jurassic Park example, actually. Alan Grant is the coolest mf in that movie and I'm p sure it's supposed to be Malcolm.) "look at how that dude dresses! how he acts! so cool!" "fascinating, but what is his favorite Star Trek series." I'm too autistic to understand whatever constitutes "cool" conventionally I guess. Hannibal is fine I like him but Will, with his dog obsession and deep desire to be Left The Fuck Alone, and then becoming unhinged over the series? very cool of him.

"this angel is a tyrant in favor of the apocalypse" deeply uncool. "this angel is a hedonistic coward that likes to victimize abusers" well, the bar is pretty low… (which isn't to say I think that deeply uncool (imo) character trait makes them a bad character in general, I just can't associate them with "cool-ness".)

oh but also? "any excuse to think about lucifer being a slut #literally let me run a train on him until he’s mindbroken. that would fix him." ur right ur so right and it's very sexy of u to say.

(godfather voice) You come into my house, on the day my daughter's to be married, and you ask me to accept not only raphael slander, but ian malcolm slander??? HANNIBAL SLANDER??????????

no, no, it's fine. i see all these guys as pretty equally weird and autistic. i mean, ian malcolm is described as a rockstar of a mathematician for a reason, this is his Thing, you know? he thinks flirting via explaining his mathematical theory is hot. i'm really not sure you could claim he's not fascinated by the dinosaurs, given that they're his vehicle to prove his theory correct, that he's the one in the book who takes note of their population growth and figures out that the park is going to get out of human control very quickly. (as far as I remember, it's been a few years since i revisited it.) sorry wait this isn't ian malcolm defense squad time. and we don't have time to get into hannibal lmao.

BUT. i will not be accepting raphael slander ever forever. incorrect. they lay out their reasoning for the apocalypse very clearly in 5x03, how they have watched every monstrous thing that has occurred in human history and only been able to come to the conclusion that god has to be dead, because otherwise he couldn't have allowed it to happen. the apocalypse is a promised escape from pain. and then, of course, castiel's resurrection in the s5 finale alongside the apocalypse being cancelled tells them only one thing: that god is alive and he just. let all that shit happen. let it happen to the world, let it happen to raphael. now, gabriel is dead, michael and lucifer are in the cage, god is still mia, and castiel. it doesn't actually matter what castiel believes because he's become the face of all of that. it's an impossible position to be in, and archangels are, as a rule, not very good at changing course. raphael is alone, and raphael has decided to self-destruct. i just wish the writers actually gave a shit about them so they could have leaned into what is one of the coolest arcs of disillusionment with god and grasping at any measure of control when the one stable thing you've based your whole life on has been yanked out from under you.

and gabriel is deeply uncool. that's the point! he's not a hero of the people, taking out evildoers in funny ways. he's a deeply petty, incredibly self-serving asshole who still carries the belief that, as an archangel, he gets to decide what's right and wrong, who lives and who dies, and how much pain he gets to cause them before they do. he's all for the apocalypse until it starts messing with his things. his eventual stand against lucifer isn't righteous, it's a dozen insults lashing out as his older brother, trying to hurt him as much as he possibly can because lucifer hurt gabriel first. and he dies because he is still too much like lucifer. he's still playing the same tricks lucifer taught him to. cause what's the apocalypse but a much larger version of gabriel's game, right? one angel who decided humanity as a whole was rotten and needed to be wiped out against another angel who has spent the past few centuries taking out his issues on whatever jerk crosses his path. like, really, the difference is that lucifer is out to get Results. gabriel likes fucking with people, but he doesn't want the status quo to change because that would mean no more people to fuck with.

first and foremost, gabriel is a dickhead whose shots sometimes hit their mark. i love him so much, he's so awful.

[a-friend-of-mara]

Hey uh

I'm leaving my mask at the door for a minute

If you enjoy the image of myself I put forward, the happy cheery autistic trans girl who doesn't dwell on her issues

Please just ignore this post

If you are uncomfortable with mentions of self harm, talking about non prescription drug addiction, suicide rates of trans kids

Please just go

Look

I say my biggest fear is that I'll be forgotten

It's easier than saying that I'm scared to death of myself

I'm worried I'll give up on life and stop eating... considering I can't gain or maintain weight I'd have a week before I was dead at the most

I'm afraid that I'll give up trying to look like the person I want to be rather than being stuck, trapped in a body that isn't mine but I'm wired up to like some sick torture method

I don't want to fall into drug use or self harm hoping that it'd pull me out of this pit of self hatred and hopelessness

I don't wanna be another tally mark on the trans suicide charts

I don't wanna die

I feel like I'm suffocating

That I can't move my legs... only the ones attached to me

I don't even know if I matter at this point

I just

I wanna be me

Not some false image that I was born with

Nobody understands how it is for me

My dad almost killed me with th fact he understood so little he put me into survival mode where I cared about nothing but staying alive because of how much damage his insistence that my body was in fact his son and not the cage that trapped his daughter

He used to have twins now he just has one kid with her twin sister... my sister

Now I live with my mom who doesn't understand, how could she? She's never wanted to tear her skin off because it wasn't hers... she understands how much I hurt though

She's able to see through my mask that I'm really suffering inside

Without her yall wouldn't have ever known I existed

You would've heard a news article of a trans kid who killed herself by diving off the balcony at her school although the media would misgender me.

I've almost done it

Sitting on the edge of a lethal drop fighting with myself to not do it

Not sure if I was lying when i told myself things would get better

I'm not sure if they are

Everything just keeps getting worse and worse

I can't even cry anymore

I don't care about so many things that I used to

I used to love

Then I was heartbroken

I used to care for my friends

Until I moved away

I used to enjoy helping others

Now I'm so tired I can't

Just

Fuck

It's kinda funny

How part of me thinks it's all my fault

How I'm not sure if it's something I did

But then I have to think

What could I possibly have done that'd make this torment justified?

How can any higher power exist when I've prayed to every God and Goddess I've ever learned of and not once has a goddam thing happened

How would a higher power let the world get this fucked up

Fuckin hell

My trans siblings are getting murdered for being themselves

Innocent people who live in unfortunate places are being killed because of stupid ass reasons

Fucking hell in America most people aren't free enough to take a month off work without becoming homeless

Decades of prejudice make people think women are weak and need defending but don't pay them well because... fuckin I don't know why!

It's pathetic that men get away with rape while women get away with false rape accusations usually destroying every relationship the man ever cared about

People look at others and treat them differently based on the color of their skin

YA KNOW HOW FUCKIN STUPID THAT IS?!

ITS DUMBER THAN PICKING ON SOMEONE WHO WORE A BLUE SHIRT PURELY BECAUSE OF THE SHIRT

What for?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?!

The privilege to go through 12 to 20 years of school to earn the right to have to work a job I'll probably hate until I'm like 60?!

Right now I'm pretty sure my life is gonna end before I reach 30!

What's the fuckin point?!

America for fucks sake

The land of the free

Yeah free to work or die because the 0.01% run the fucking nation like their playground

People wonder why I've responded to hostility with hostility in the last 3 years

Simple

I've bottled my emotions for so long the bottles are all full

Yelling and ranting always make me feel a little better

If anyone comments on this negatively I hope you die in a vat of boiling vinegar and drown in the yolks of rotten eggs

That goes for all the phobic people too

If you made it through this whole essay sized emotional breakdown and don't think I'm a complaining winey bitch

I can only say I wish the world was made of more people like you

Alright

Time for sleep

[lightningfilledsaber]

i have a quastion. what is dungeon meshi like i’ve considered watching the anime since it looks amusing…. i trust you as an authority on this hence why i’m in your asks :3c

Dungeon Meshi is so good!!!

So Ryoko Kui (the author of the manga) is a super super great artist and writer in general, and her knowledge of intimate and expansive worldbuilding, including the cultures of different fantasy races is VERY apparent in dunmesh without being super in your face. It strikes a perfect balance between showing and implying and telling; giving you information when you need it but not holding your hand throughout the process. Ecology and biology of creatures and the places (mostly dungeons but yk) is SUPER important and expanded upon in the story. It scratches my Creature autism SOOO well. And all of the characters are VERY distinct and fun AND THE DESIGNS FUCK SOOO HARD. Dungeon Meshi has become one of my favorite series of all time, because it's so. so fucking profound. There are a LOT of funny moments and gags but there's an equal amount of genuinely serious and emotional moments. The character dynamics. GOD. Cannot recommend it enough.

Also. Dungeon Meshi is super fucking horny. LMAO. Not in a "fanservice-y" way (in fact, there is only ONE character that ever gets upskirt/panty shots and it is Senshi, the bearded dwarf man. He's my fave btw <3). But dunmeshi uses consumption (and to a lesser/technical extent cannibalism as well) as a... metaphor for love and obsession, and frequently eroticizes it. I hesitate to say metaphor because it's honestly VERY obvious lmao. Especially with how genuinely autistic Laios is about monsters and eating them. Then there's also transformation and change that's also VERY eroticized. A lot of the focus of Dungeon Meshi is desire. How people experience it, and just how far people will go for it. Which, again, is super eroticized a LOT. All done in a tasteful(? not sure if this is the right word but yk) way and not in a surface level "LOOK, SEX!!!!!!!!!" way. Not that there's anything inherently WRONG with being horny and not being like profound about it but I'm just trying to make a point lol

Now to specifically talk about the anime since that's what you mentioned wanting to watch (though I REALLY reccommend the manga, it is fucking GORGEOUS and there are so many hilarious panels that haven't been brought over to the anime, despite how well it's been doing with that so far. It just happens with turning a manga into an anime yk?)! It's doing a really good job so far!! The only issues I have are relatively nitpicky (I've gone into detail abt it if you wanna see here) and more of an issue with modern anime overall so! They're doing a really great job of translating over from the page to the screen and the voice acting work (both the original japanese and english dub) is really fucking good. And I don't typically like modern english dubs. The layout of the episodes is really nice so far too, centering around the "dish/es of the day" without feeling too constrictively like your typical "monster of the week" type episodes. It helps that Dungeon Meshi as a media itself strikes a really good balance between that and its storytelling. Though again. Laios is genuinely SO fucking autistic about monsters and eating them lmao and the series focuses on him/his party so! There's so much good in depth discussion about monsters, both their biology (especially in relation to their taste hehe) as well as their natures, and ecology!

I'm also really a fan of netflix releasing the episodes weekly instead of dropping them all at once. It's refreshing coming from netflix specifically considering their... track record.

But anyway yeah! TYSM Marty for coming to me about this and letting me go on an autistic talk about it!! I only apologize for not being more specific, but a lot of my dunmesh posting (reblogs anyway since I'm pretty sure the posts I've MADE about it have been relatively vague??) is already pretty spoilery and I'm a firm believer in a first watch/read being as spoiler free as possible!! It makes subsequent rewatches/rereads all the more fun to me personally <3 Though that's obviously up to you lol

[thousand-winters]

Dear pal I hope you & the cats are doing well! 💖 For the blorbo bingo how about Darius for you too haha! And if you want Izutsumi from dungeon meshi and Teruhashi from tdlosk (I haven't seen tdlosk yet but I know your takes will be good 👍)

Hello, friend!!! 💖 The cats are being very rowdy lately, but that means they're doing good haha.

Now...

Darius

I love this man so much it ain't even funny. Beautifully designed, I don't call people/characters "hot" often, but he's the exception to my rules, just look at him, he's so hot ahahaha. Beautiful man all around, I'm very normal about the fanart of him.

I'm feral about him, as you already know ahaha. He needs so much therapy, honestly, and I'm both still upset we didn't get the planned amount of screentime for him and somewhat grateful we still got so much of him since it makes for such a fun time exploring the possibilities with him.

Darius Deamonne, you will always have a place in my heart for as long as I breathe.

Izutsumi

My friend told me I would like her before I even started watching so I was SO excited to get to her and she did not disappoint.

I think I'm probably yet to know more in depth about her since I have been spoiled a bit about the manga events but I haven't taken it up yet, whoops. I'm a bit bad keeping up with manga but I fully intend to at some point.

In any case she's really so fun. I love how the way in which she acts and reacts isn't just that she's partially a cat and very much acts like it haha, she just seems to have a lot going on as well, which doesn't really help with the trust issues all around. She's wet, sad and pathetic in the way all cats are and I love that about her.

She's probably not getting that much of a peaceful time all things considered but I'm rooting for her. If you didn't want to get incorporated into the found family, Izutsumi, you should have murdered them before eating their food.

Teruhashi

Oh, Teruhashi, nobody gets you like I do (well, certainly not the haters at least).

I can't even say I disliked her at first because she was so funny to me. Girlie shows up onscreen for the first time and goes "yes, I'm the specialest girl on Earth", what's not to like? She's just really fun and she's right, which makes it even better.

I didn't mark it and now I'm regretting it but she's a bit of a sopping wet cat too sometimes lmao. Sobbing wailing losing it over her crush. This is so clearly the first time this happens to her and it's so fucking funny but also very compelling. Girl who is used to being in control of how she uses the way in which she's perceived is confronted with an autistic guy who doesn't emote and she can't read him. Rip.

Honestly her situation is so horrific once you look past the comedy aspect tho, which is the case for most of these characters so I think she needs comfort, lots of therapy and a good support system. She's halfway through that with her friends group at least but she's sooo gonna crash once she has some realizations about her life.

I love her so much, people who hate her can't see the vision but she's perfect in all the ways that matter.

Thanks for the ask!!! From this ask game