#it's finally here time to nap

[sicklyjelly]

​Brewed coffee with a shot of espresso on top, also known as ‘a shot in the dark.’ 

Red Eye Coffee, a 99 page collection of shuake comics from 2020 to 2023 (with 60+ of those pages being brand new) is available now for $10!

Enjoy comics about masks, dreams, death, washing hair, dates (?) and incredibly gay feelings towards a supposed rival. ☕️💖

content warnings: Major spoilers for Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal Minor spoilers for Persona 5 Strikers blood, violent imagery, slight gore, death, eye strain, suggestive themes

[temeyes]

everyone adores you, at least i do.

[sapphicherri]

i am the sleepiest girl alive, sleepy at all times, using all spare moments to sleep

[xskyll]

Todoroki: Baggage? This is a topic I can talk about. My friends always stop me when I try to discuss baggage…but they aren’t here. So…

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First

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.

You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places

also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u

variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut

tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste

[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]

[chiropteracupola]

cable tier and mothycompass intrigue me..... (and i won't ask you about research draft although that sounds interesting too!)

cable tier got lost in the deep depths of my hornblower wip doc for a While, and while I don't know what I was planning for with it, it exists mostly as 'young extremely overworked hornblower falling asleep in places he shouldn't.' thus:

“Whatever possessed you to go sleeping in the carpenters’-walk?” asked Bush, with a strange, soft fondness in his voice. Hornblower muttered something noncommittal. He had intended words, but none came to him, and all that was left to him was a soft sound that meant nothing at all. “You can’t go on burning the candle at both ends like this, sir,” said Bush softly, as Hornblower slumped against him. “There are other lieutenants — no, no, I only mean that you need not do more than your share of the work!” For Hornblower had clutched at his sleeve, and stared up at Bush with a desperation in his face that he could not voice.

moth and compass has been mine and @natdrinkstea's oc project since early 2022, but I only took to actually writing anything from that world quite recently! here's a bit of that:

“And there lies good Sir Patrick Spens, with the Scots lords at his feet…” Moth cuddled down into the quilt, with Peregrine snug against their chest, and thought of the good old sailor in the song, sitting at the bottom of the sea in the wreckage of the ship. They could almost see him in that mind-ocean behind their eyes, with his hair floating above his head in the green-dark, and the soft sad smile on his face. And there around him would be the lords of Scotland, with their silks and velvets all gone to make curtains for the mermaids, and their bones and their jewels alike covered over with all the little crawling things of the sea floor. “The fish will eat the lords of Scotland,” thought Moth, drifting, “but they will not eat Sir Patrick Spens.” It did not seem that they could do such a thing.

[benetnvsch]

Did the bsd chapter come out yet or am I just seeing wild leaks

[sheliesshattered]

this velvet appears to not have a nap and I am. so confused.

[hello-delicious-tea]

(Angrily) “I’ll paint all the bathrooms pink. You will never have green again. I’ll paint the downstairs pink. All pink. I’ll paint my bed so so so pink. No green for you. And no lello.” -Teaschooler

(My favorite color is green)

[thormanick]

Wait

Wait

If the sky is fake who’s to say that Celestia isn’t fake

Like yep sure it’s 3D modelled whatever bUT WHAT IF IT’S STILL FAKE. LIKE I’M SURE SOMEONE OUT THERE IN TEYVAT WOULD BE ABLE TO CONJURE A FAKE ONE UP NO PROBLEM

WHAT IF THE TRUE CELESTIA IS OUTSIDE AND RUINED-

(incoherent and long yapping in the tags bc I want to sleep and my head hurts)

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent things

[cosmicharm]

In levitating secret dreams I dream of you

[orcelito]

Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

[screambirdscreaming]

ok this is a long fucking shot but does anyone out here know anything about. Allergies but rather than having itchy runny-nose symptoms you just feel systemically like shit. Like fatigue, nausea, vague headache, moderate-to-severe excercise intolerance, that sort of thing. But correlated to like, pollen exposure. Or just air quality in general?

The best ballpark diagnosis I have is asthma, but I've never actually had An Asthma Attack so I don't know if that's.... right. And even if it is, I can't really find good research or resources on managing systematic effects of asthma at this like... non-acute, non life-threatening severity.

Sometimes with weird medical shit like this, there's information that exists if only you can find the right keyword to search.... maybe somebody's got something?

Or even just, it'd be nice to hear if anyone elae deals with this and I'm not, like, completely insane*

*for this. other insanity unspecified.

[figuerockfaeth]

I NEED TO MOVE OUT NOOWWWWWWW