#it's definitely to a manageable level at least. in terms of pain.

[goldenpinof]

yooo i totally get where youre coming from wrt feeling like the only person who gives a shit enough to critique these kinds of little things about dnp. it definitely shows that they don't really care for the details, which personally i don't mind w things like the websites (maybe that's just bc i don't have an eye for graphic design!) but when it comes to details that imo make a significantly lesser experience as a viewer and fan, it really can feel really unprofessional on their end.

it's interesting because, on one hand, that's a little bit their charm, sorta scrappy OG youtubers who haven't really changed their formula much but continue to create CoNtEnT because they have an established community who enjoys what they do. but then on the other hand, they often allow that attitude to seep into things like operating their business, overlooking details in editing, weirdness with just about all of the managements theyve been under, the general tone-deafness of cheerfully announcing there will be more us and uk shows and completely brushing over the call for them to at least MENTION the rest of the world that isn't europe or the us.... also i think so often about how garbage their bday livestreams were in terms of production, that would be so unacceptable from literally anyone other than dnp, but because it's them they get away with it lmao. (and yes ultimately those streams were for a good cause and they succeeded in the fundraising, but that can't be an excuse for low quality.)

their unprofessionalism is like a double-edged sword in a way, like i genuinely find them difficult to recommend to other people, not necessarily because i think my friends wouldn't like their sense of humor, but because there ARE creators out there who have similar origins and have done similar things and have improved quality production alongside their growth. and again, i do not necessarily mind scrappiness, but it feels like it's at odds with the amount of money they make and the type of productions they are trying to do with things like the tour. and that's the other thing, they are FULLY CAPABLE of having consistently good production quality to all of their shit, not just the big tours. they just choose not to, and whether or not that's for the sake of image or being control freaks or they really do not care, it ends up making a worse experience for their audience imo.

(but like. im also of the mindset that dan should have done stand-up shows in dingy bars for $10 instead of wad so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

"control freaks"

for the last 2 years i question this statement almost every day. because if they were control freaks, none of this bullshit with promo materials existed.

and it's not about design itself. it's about typos and just wrong names of the venues. my main question is: WHY is it so hard to make things right? because realistically, it's not hard at all.

especially when people are telling you and asking you to fix it. like, how fucking stubborn you should be to brush it off. your work is your public image. and i'm sorry, but it looks like shit. it's so unprofessional, it's painful to look at. and i'm not even talking about videos. i'm talking specifically about danandphiltour.com and promo materials. editing of their videos is a different problem.

production-wise: this time, i have to say that i don't really care. but i get what you mean. there are youtubers who invested in this. dnp didn't. because they don't care, because it works how it is right now.

in conclusion: our loyalty is at fault. if we cared about work details a little bit more and were more serious, maybe, just maybe, we could level up all these things. but it seems like no one cases, and i'm tired of fighting this battle for years. i'm gonna take the L eventually. but the tour got on the way, unfortunately.

[xjulixred45x]

Kinda Second part of Suguru Geto x Disabled Reader bc i can't have enogh

Reason to do this: IM IN A BRAINROT BEFORE EXAMS START, SO LETS DO THIS

This is more a Drabble so is more short

Warnings: Reader IS DISABLED(But not specificated what type, just it dificilt their movility), neutral Reader, soft Geto, Kinda hypocrite Geto bc Reader is implied to be an Non-Sorcerer? Idk, canon Geto behavior.

First part HERE for context.

Just thinking about Geto and his adorable Disabled Spouse, who he absolutely and utterly ADORES. Geto loves his disabled S/o so much, regardless of the difficulties they had.

For this reason, he tries to make their life as comfortable as possible, anything that can make their life easier is an immediate Yes (prosthesis? check, wheelchair? check, analgesics for chronic pain? double check, crutches? check, emergency injections?CHECK) it's really not a problem for him, and he finds it adorable if you try to stop him by telling him he should save all that money for his "cause", Awww look at you, thinking he gives two shits about the cult, you're so adorable .

Geto keeps you close almost all the time, yup, even in sermons, but at least he makes sure you're comfortable when he does, probably let You sleep in his lap meanwhile he speaks(he thinks is SO CUTE), and above all, keeping you away from the monkeys.

Thanks to this habit you now have something like your own worshipers, Geto doesn't blame them, it's the treatment you deserve, but he can't tolerate seeing them try to touch you, he already has to put up with your family doing it (to take care of you and your disability ) so it is an unspoken rule NOT to touch you, at least not if you appreciate your hands and life.

He helps with your disability with his own experience with you, but definitely what he likes to do the most is bathe with you (not in a perverted way!), it is simply very satisfying to get rid of the "monkey smell" that you get when you interact with the believers. He sees it as something quite intimate without having to be sexual.

He constantly argues with himself whether he should let you do more things for yourself or pamper you to the fullest. On the one hand, he knows that it is good for your health (both physical and mental) to do more things on a physical level in addition to the typical exercises you do with your family. so that the muscles do not atrophy, but on the other hand there is the very satisfying feeling of seeing you all sleepy and cuddly when he carries you "floating" (actually on top of some harmless curse) and the need not to want to make you lift a finger. It is a scale that usually tips one way or another depending on the day.

and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! How he hates seeing you in pain! the whole family does it, but he becomes the clingiest human being in the world!But despite that, he understands that sometimes the pain is simply too much to even endure physical contact, so (with pain in his heart) he resists the urge to pamper you and lets the family members who know of medicine and those of your family take charge of the situation.

Of course, hope that when you feel better, you both have a LONG bath, both to get rid of the smell of mokeys your family and to relax after such a big scare.

There's no way anyone would dare try to woo you or, god forbid, say something nasty about you. The first ones will at least have the blessing of dying quickly, BUT THE SECONDS....yes, one really doesn't want to know.

You are grateful for not knowing.

That was kinda thanks to 1-his love for you and 2- the family.

Manami was VERY skeptical of you at first, as ugly as it sounds, she saw you as Geto's pet at first, but you didn't want to leave things on bad terms, so you tried (and managed) to get along better with her. She is like your part-time personal assistant when he is not with Geto, she is the one who tries to prevent the "Monkeys" from touching you, who organizes your schedule with your doctors and your family and Geto, she even helps you choose your clothes, always inside of your tastes.

Miguel is another relevant character, if you are important to Geto, then he accepts you, but he didn't think you would be so... sweet despite your situation with your disability, he understood well why Geto chose you among all the people as "the exception", only you would understand the minimum that they went through (even if it is with a different context). He respects you deeply. Act as your biggest guardian alongside Mimiko and Nanako.

Mimiko and Nanako are the members most interested in you as a person, you are like a second father figure, although they don't love you as much as Geto, you are the closest to that(they wish they could have meet You or Someone like You BEFORE). and I can definitely see them trying to help you walk on your own or do things for yourself (even if Geto worries). They are your cheerleaders so to speak.

although I think Geto would put aside all concern if you tried to direct you to HIM, in a certain way. He would be EUPHORIC, congratulating you all the time. the twins recording everything.

Overall, as long as you can turn a blind eye to his questionable ethics, it's not a bad match after all. He will love, protect and treasure you no matter what.

[running-in-the-dark]

I might be starting to feel slightly better and/or more like it might be possible to fix some of my problems. that's nice. I hope it'll last...

I still don't think I can realistically work at this point in time. hopefully eventually I'll be able to. maybe as soon as next year, if I can manage to improve certain things. initially I thought the only way to solve my problems is to immediately look for some kind of job, but I really think that would just fuck everything up even more long term.

one thing is my mental health. I'm doing much better thanks to my anxiety medication, but it's still definitely a problem. I'm alright in my everyday life right now, but any additional stress or challenges still makes me feel very anxious and overwhelmed. I have to call back the therapist I saw last month, make a list of all the others in the surrounding area, and call those too. that's gonna be hard.

but the main thing is how tired/fatigued I am pretty much all of the time. I will make an appointment with my GP to discuss that. I have mentioned it in the past with my previous GPs but neither of them seemed to take it very seriously. so I'll make a list and stuff this time, and say how much I sleep too, and that I have no energy to do anything at all most days. there's definitely something wrong.

it's also really weird that no one has ever told me I should do a sleep study. one of my biggest issues is that I can't sleep well at all. so like. at least check that maybe?? I'll bring that up too.

I don't know.. maybe I have fibromyalgia? I don't know if the amount of pain I have is 'enough' for that though. I don't think I'm always in pain. it is a lot but it's not that bad and it's mostly just when I've moved the wrong way or sat/slept in the wrong position or done too much (my level of "too much" is very very low though). or maybe chronic fatigue syndrome. or maybe I just have sleep apnoea and that's why I'm always tired, I don't know! so I'll have to get that checked.

maybe if I could sleep normally I wouldn't always feel so damn stupid. it just feels like I can't think anymore. like I can't take in information or recall it. my brain just feels like it's covered in cotton and I can't quite get to any of my thoughts.

it sucks so fucking much that I have to do all this work to try to get help when it feels absolutely impossible to do anything at all. like. I'm already so overwhelmed just trying to get through the day (even though I really don't do anything). making appointments and going to appointments and especially figuring out where I need to go and what I need to do is just.. so hard. I just constantly feel like I'm drowning.

[lindsayisfindingflow]

The update

Alright here’s that life update I threatened to post last week. The tl;dr version is that I am in a slightly different place in my life compared to the last time I posted (2020 to early 2021ish), but in many ways I feel like I’m in a similar place in my life as I was in my early 20s, and it’s made me miss posting on tumblr.

2021: this was a year with a lot of career growth for me - we were getting a lot of new projects, and I was able to join projects in roles that I had not previously filled before. Halfway through the year, I found out that we were being acquired by a much larger consulting firm. There were many benefits and drawbacks that came (and continue to come) from that. From a fitness perspective, I also trained for and completed my second Ironman (it was actually 2 years ago exactly today.) Shortly after that race, things got *very* busy at work.

2022: late 2021 to early 2022 was the most stressful period of my life with respect to work. There were times that I was working on 5-8 projects at once, and trying to be the project manager/primary contact on 3 at once. March/April 2022 was definitely a low point for me, and I was starting to get very burned out. Around this time I finally started rolling off of projects, but it took me until probably August/September to feel motivated by periods of stress instead of worn down/frustrated by them. This time period definitely took a toll on my fitness too. I completed a marathon in April (I think my mileage maxed out at 30, so I was likely operating off of old Ironman fitness), and I did a few summer triathlons too. In the Fall I trained for another marathon, but unfortunately had my first DNF due to knee pain from mile 13-18.

2023: This year has been much more manageable from a work perspective - I’ve been the project manager on one project, and have supported a handful of other projects/internal efforts to a lesser degree. This year has been even worse than the last in terms of fitness though, because I was dealing with hip pain from January through July. I started physical therapy for it in March, and did a PRP injection at the end of June. So far I’ve been doing well since ending PT, though I haven’t really had a chance to built my fitness back up.

So I guess that brings me to the present day - I want to figure out what fitness means for me in my 30s. I would love to get back to the level of fitness I had in my 20s, but I do think that I prioritized my level of fitness over other important areas of my life before, and I don’t want to do that again (or at the very least, I don’t want to do that for long periods of time). I don’t want to let my house to become an absolute wreck, and I want to make sure that I’m maintaining my joints/ligaments/bones so I can keep doing this for a long time. I actually got a dexa scan done last year, and between the results of that (I was in the 24th percentile) and my recent joint issues, I think strength training needs to be a priority, even if it’s not my favorite type of workout. I know being in your 30s doesn’t make you old, and many people reach peak fitness in their 30s, but I’m starting to realize that I need to do things differently now if I want to be one of those people.

[televinita]

Reading Triage

Well it's been almost a month since the last (library) one, so off we go; lots to be immediately excited about!

1. Hurricane Summer - Asha Bromfield: current read, roughly 50% in. It's painful how awful some of her relatives are, and I'm baffled that she gets so upset about her aunt calling her a slut for super innocent behaviors only to...immediately get frisky with the first boy who charms her?? Truly not beating the allegations here -- but it's also incredibly beautiful writing about a setting and culture I truly don't think I've read before (Jamaica, especially from the perspective of a Canadian citizen).

[edit: loved it]

2. Even If It Breaks Your Heart - Erin Hahn: 60% done but I've been working on this one for 3 solid weeks now, struggling thru first audio and then ebook on phone, then learned that county next door FINALLY bought a physical copy after all. Part of the struggle is formatting, but the rest is that it wants and deserves to be 4 stars so bad, but the You'd Be Mine-levels of jackhole in this love interest are dragging it down.

[edit: it did not get better but I finished]

3. Queen of Junk Island - Alexandra Mae Jones: so damned pretty that I'm reading it despite the fact that it's literally just a mid-2000s queer YA novel that had to wait until its author was old enough to publish it in 2022, in terms of both being set then and having its entire focus on becoming aware of/coming to terms with her non-straight sexuality. Which was absolutely never the kind of book I looked for. But I REALLY want the story of them cleaning up the family cottage from all the trash a previous renter left there. (side note: how did I manage to randomly pick two Canadian authors from my shelf browsing??).

[edit: worst book of the year with zero competition]

4. The Wishing Game - Meg Schaffer: I kicked it back unread last time but my request in the county next door has just come through. I really hope I love this one. Everyone I trust does, and it really seems up my alley, but I'm so terrified of reading this at the Wrong Time and it coming up short that I'm actually scared to start.

[edit: it was really lovely! glad I got to it]

5. Liar's Beach - Katie Cotugno: seems like a good summer YA thriller, and it has a sequel (companion book?) coming out in August.

[edit: I have read so many YA horror/thrillers this summer but I didn't quite get to this one. Later!]

6. The Dare - Natasha Preston: I'm expecting even less from this one than The Haunting, but it was available so what the hell. And at least this one actually takes place in summer.

[edit: least interesting of the 4 I've read from her, and an I Know What You Did Last Summer knockoff, but still worth it]

7. Between You, Me & the Honeybees - Amelia Diane Coombs: I don't like "our families are business rivals" stories, but I DO like stories about teens who would rather stay home and work for the family business than go to college, and this cover is so pretty that I'm ready to give it a shot.

[edit: the rivalry wasn't even an issue for me, and though I did have other things that weren't my favorite, this was an incredible YA contemporary]

8. The Spellshop - Sarah Beth Durst: releases in 2 days and will be bumped to IMMEDIATELY NEXT in the queue as soon as my library makes it available (I'm first in line). I'm trying to contain my excitement and moderate my hype levels but it's too pretty!!!!

[edit: five solid stars, everything I hoped for and more, one of the best books of the year]

9. (MAYBE) The Middle of the Night - Riley Sager: I don't think I'm high enough up in the request line to get this by the end of the month, but if it does happen to come in, this is the other book I'll drop everything for to read ASAP. My interest in this is mostly FOMO, and I'm kind of annoyed to have been caught up in it because EVERYONE reads his books immediately upon release, but I do generally enjoy them.

[edit: didn't arrive in time but definitely coming in August]

10. (MAYBE) Out On A Limb - Hannah Bonam-Young: I have read surprisingly little straightforward adult romance this year and I'm kind of missing it. I've had this hold paused for a bit but I might be ready to un-pause it soon.

[author's note: but then I wasn't!]

BONUS: AUDIOBOOKS

The Hundred and One Dalmatians - Dodie Smith (it is so hard not to shorten the title to 101!): a reread of a book I remember surprisingly little from for something I put on my "Top 100 Books Of All Time" list at age 19, but still remember fondly, because I got desperate & squirrelly for something to help me fall asleep.

[edit: not sure it would still make the list now but still really enjoyed]

2. Marvel's What If... Loki Was Worthy - Madeleine Roux: library doesn't have a physical copy, which is annoying because I hate reading on my phone but I also don't know if I can tolerate an audiobook that doesn't have the Correct Voices (though I really liked the 5 minutes of sample I heard), so I've been having to juggle this one until I can get both formats at the same time on Libby, to switch between them.

TBQH, my excitement for this has died down a little since I found out about in December (didn't release until April), but at this point I've been waiting long enough that I just kind of Want To Know.

[edit: what a fun cracky time, recommended]

[qzwrites]

Blackmail Boyfriend DVD Commentary Edition

This was fun! But it's a pain in the ass to figure out how to format something like this! Many of the places I looked used colored text or italics for their commentary and I hated that and thought it was inaccessible! So I have set my commentary off and also indented it. Let me know how that reads.

-

It was convenient to share a hotel room with the only teammate who knew Aidan was trans. It was unfortunate that said teammate was blackmailing Aidan into having sex with him, but Aidan did really need the help keeping their other roommate from noticing anything amiss about Aidan. Aidan figured at least with Trey in the room, Richard wouldn’t do anything.

He should have known Richard better by now.

-

I talked about this in the original author's notes but this sure is a scenario that occurs all over manga both vanilla and hentai. In high school I read a romance manga about a girl cross-dressing to go to an all-boys school to be nearer to her favorite soccer player and ending up roommates with him, and I have also read comics where it's like "Surprise! The new ace player is Actually A Girl!" which leads to, at best, dubiously consensual sex (whether or not the author seems aware this is dubious is, itself, dubious). Once I had rotated this concept in my mind enough times, I thought it would be not terribly difficult but definitely interesting to start from this extremely dire transactional relationship and end up in an actual romance, especially if, as was usually the case in these "secret cross-dresser" manga, it was about teenagers. So I had the backstory for Aidan and Richard worked out first, but I thought the part where Aidan realized Richard actually liked him was more interesting, which is why I start here.

-

Aidan was almost asleep when he felt Richard shift behind him. That didn’t alarm him on its own, but then Richard’s hand was on Aidan’s hip.

There were lots of things to dislike about Richard blackmailing Aidan into sex, and one of them was the way Aidan’s stupid pussy did not dislike it. Unlike the way flicking the bean only ever made Aidan uncomfortably aware of his dysphoria, getting pounded somehow wasn’t triggering at all. To add insult to injury, it was way easier to come from. Even though Richard was a transphobic, misogynistic asshole, Aidan’s stupid pussy lit up the second Richard touched him.

-

I actually hate the word "pussy" but I also think euphemisms and circumlocutions indicate a different type of trans dude. Since I didn't want to write about someone dealing with too much dysphoria on top of the blackmail situation (because how the fuck are you going to come around on someone who is constantly triggering dysphoria? No matter how good the sex is or how nice Richard is, it would just be an overall more negative experience) I thought straightforward but not clinical terms would be best. Also IDK man, I'm also trans, and for whatever reason I find it a lot easier to write a guy talking about his pussy than a girl doing the same. Boypussy is fine, I guess. I also started this story not long after I finished Exciting New Levels of Heresy, in which I managed to avoid using any clear words for Nic's junk literally at all. That wasn't me trying to be coy, I just found it difficult to accept the idea of Nic thinking about zeir body in any of those terms. In the extras set further in the future, ze uses the word "cunt", but freshly-deflowered Nic was just too embarrassed about having and enjoying sex to say something like that. Whereas I kind of wanted Aidan to feel like...you know, a teenage boy. "Pussy" feels like a very teenage boy way to refer to it.

-

Aidan tried to squirm away from Richard, but Richard just followed him to the edge of the bed, until Aidan had nowhere to go. Aidan hissed, “Trey’s right there!”

“So be quiet,” Richard murmured, sliding his fingers under the waistband of Aidan’s shorts. He pulled Aidan back against him. Aidan wasn’t surprised to feel he was already hard. Sometimes it felt like Richard could go from flaccid to throbbing instantly.

After weeks of taking advantage of Aidan, Richard knew Aidan’s body and how to manage his dysphoria as well as Aidan did. He only used his hand down the front of Aidan’s underwear to shove it down and out of the way. Once he had his cock nestled between Aidan’s labia, he reached up Aidan’s shirt to play with his tits.

Aidan had to bite his knuckles to muffle the sounds he wanted to make. Between Richard’s cock sliding against his pussy and Richard’s fingers pinching his nipples, he was wet enough to take it in no time at all.

Aidan resented how much he enjoyed fucking Richard. Richard misgendered him when they were alone, even if it had been a while since he did so, and he had immediately demanded to fuck him when he found out Aidan “was a girl”. But having to avoid sexual situations that would out him did approximately fuck-all to calm Aidan’s raging teenage hormones, while Richard’s stupid dick actually let Aidan blow off some steam and be less sexually frustrated. It was easier to concentrate on his schoolwork, he had less trouble falling asleep at night, he even played better since Richard started fucking him. It was monumentally unfair. Fucking someone to keep them from outing you should not be so enjoyable.

Richard stopped bothering with condoms after he found out Aidan was on birth control, which Aidan knew was irresponsible but couldn’t bring himself to seriously protest. He told himself it was because fighting Richard on it might lead to Richard outing him, but it was at least half because of how good it felt to not have to stop when Aidan was wet enough for Richard’s cock to just slip right into him, as it did now.

-

I know I'm not the only person who did stupid things I knew were stupid even as I did them when I was a teenager purely because I was horny. Aidan probably could have found a way out of this situation, even if it would have been tricky to avoid being outed, but he didn't try very hard.

-

Aidan turned to press his face into the pillow to stop his groan. Richard tugged him away from the edge of the bed, then pushed Aidan down on his stomach and rolled on top of him. Aidan reached down to shove his shorts off one leg, so he could spread his legs that much wider. Richard’s breathing grew harsh and ragged as he humped Aidan like a badly-trained dog.

The lamp between the beds clicked on. Aidan froze. So did Richard, although his cock twitched a bit inside Aidan like it was less on board with this interruption. Trey’s voice said, “What the hell are you guys doing over th–oh my god, are you fucking?”

-

I tried to push this piece back into being more cartoony, the way some of my older art is, and I'm of two minds about how it turned out. I did have a lot of fun doing the lighting! And Richard's expression cracks me up. Information Aidan does not have available that the reader is getting from this illustration, I guess.

-

Aidan’s heart raced. He was pressed against the mattress with Richard on top of him, the blanket was still mostly over them. Trey couldn’t see Aidan’s breasts or his lack of dick. It was entirely possible Richard was fucking him in the ass. That’s what Trey would assume.

Except when Richard walked in on Aidan initially, he was adamant that he wasn’t gay, even as he demanded to fuck another guy, because he refused to acknowledge the fact that Aidan was a guy. He could very well out Aidan to avoid letting Trey think he was gay. Fuck fuck fuck.

Richard turned his head to face Trey, but didn’t otherwise move, staying draped over Aidan’s back. “Ugh,” Richard said, “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but the sound of what I thought was one of you jerking it woke me up,” Trey said. “Are you two seriously doing it?”

“Trying to,” Richard said. He still didn’t move from on top of Aidan. It was embarrassing as hell, but Aidan had to admit it kept Trey from seeing much of Aidan’s body.

“Dude,” Trey said. He sounded more offended than disgusted, thank god. “With me in the room?”

-

I have no idea what the differences may be between spending the night in a hotel with a sports team versus a drama club or Academic Decathlon team, but I assumed they couldn't be too different. I don't think anyone ever had sex in the hotel rooms on any of my trips for competitions, but it didn't seem like it would be too hard to arrange if one was so inclined. The main problem, of course, is that they usually put us three or four to a room. But, having Trey in the room to address that and add some risk and excitement to the sex also allowed me to make Richard and Aidan talk about things. And it meant I had an easy set-up for Aidan getting walked in on and outed again, which let me contrast Richard's initial reaction to his new reaction, which forced them to talk some more. It did mean another character to keep track of, but at least I didn't have to get too in the weeds with him. (Shakes fist at all the boys in Childhood Friends, especially you, Paul)

-

“I thought you were asleep,” Richard said defensively. “We don’t usually have a bed.”

“Can you choose one or the other?” Aidan demanded, face hot. If Richard wasn’t going to be a cowardly asshole and out him, then he really didn’t want to prolong this situation. “Either talk to Trey or fuck me.”

“Uh, I hate to break it to you,” Trey said, “but I don’t think I’m going to be able to fall back asleep.”

Aidan groaned and pressed his face back into the pillow.

Richard shrugged. “I don’t care if you watch,” he said.

“Richard,” Aidan yelped, very nearly making a terrible mistake and bucking him off.

“Oh, calm down,” Richard said. He rolled his hips, leisurely. The felt good enough that Aidan relaxed against his own will. He might also have moaned a little.

“Jesus Christ,” Trey said. His voice broke on the last syllable. He cleared his throat. “Look, I don’t mind if y’all are gay or whatever, but I’m not.”

Aidan tensed back up again. Richard, confusingly, rubbed Aidan’s arm soothingly, on the side Trey couldn’t see. Richard said, “Fine, turn the light off then. I just want to finish.”

“You’re a freak,” Trey said. “Um, Aidan?”

Aidan had to pull his face out of the pillow to answer. “Honestly at this point I don’t care, I want to finish too.”

Richard put his mouth against Aidan’s ear to murmur, “Of course you do, slut.” He rolled his hips again, still slowly enough that it was torturous. His breath was hot on the side of Aidan’s head. “Slutty little faggot.”

Being called a slur should not have made Aidan shudder and clench around Richard’s cock, but it was the first time since Richard first saw Aidan naked that he’d said anything to acknowledge Aidan was a queer guy and not a straight girl. Aidan moaned before he could help it.

-

Important to establish that, despite being a crude and physically needy guy, Richard was not in fact continuing to misgender Aidan. It takes a special kind of guy to make calling the POV character a faggot an improvement, but it didn't feel like much of a stretch that Aidan would be into it. He is, after all, the kind of person who is unbothered enough by being coerced into sex to not try that hard to get out of it. Him being kind of into it makes that seem more explicable.

-

“God,” Trey said, and the light clicked off.

“Thanks, man,” Richard said, and started humping Aidan again.

“I hate you,” Aidan said. Richard only grunted and bit Aidan’s neck.

Aidan had a much harder time keeping quiet now that he knew Trey was already awake. Yeah, it was embarrassing that Trey was hearing all the moaning Aidan was doing, not to mention the extremely audible slapping of Richard’s hips against Aidan’s ass, but…he already knew. And with the light off again, the chance he’d notice Aidan was trans was effectively zero.

After a few minutes, Trey made a noise in the other bed. He said, “It does not make me gay to jerk off to this, okay?”

Aidan laughed, which made the muscles in his pussy do something that made Richard groan. “Sure,” Aidan said.

“I’m listening to people have sex,” Trey said. He was out of breath. Fuck, he was actually jerking off listening to Richard and Aidan go at it. “It’s a normal physical reaction.”

-

I did find myself thinking a lot about a time in my college dorm where I was laying awake with insomnia hearing a weird noise like "what the hell is my roommate dong over there" and didn't realize until years later that she was masturbating. I spent all year waiting until she went to the practice room with her violin! Honestly!!!

-

Aidan laughed again, and so did Richard. “Yeah,” Richard said, “nothing but normal physical reactions in here tonight.”

Thankfully, after that he settled back down to fucking Aidan. Apart from labored breathing and rhythmic slapping sounds, Trey was quiet as well. With the light off but no worry about waking Trey up, Aidan felt comfortable enough to push himself up on his knees. Richard murmured into Aidan’s ear, “God, you’re such a slut.” Still, he adjusted the angle he was thrusting into Aidan so his next stroke slammed into Aidan’s g-spot. Aidan cried out. Then he was coming, and Richard was still slamming into him, and Aidan was still coming. God, it was fucked up that Richard knew his body so well.

Richard must have come at some point in there, because by the time Aidan was cognizant of anything other than his own overwhelming orgasm, Richard was pulling out of him with some extremely wet squelchy sounds.

Aidan collapsed onto the mattress to get his breathing under control. Now that he was the one listening to someone in the other bed get off, he had to admit Trey had a point. He’d just come, after all, and he wasn’t into Trey, but his pussy still had trouble calming down while he could hear Trey panting and jerking off.

Richard tugged on the hem of Aidan’s shirt. “Roll over,” he mumbled.

“Why?” Aidan asked, but did it. He was a little surprised when Richard leaned over and kissed him. It was hot and sloppy, and he got a bit of Aidan’s nose at first. Richard had really only kissed him the first time they had sex. Considering how short Richard’s fuse was, and how humiliatingly easy Aidan was, Richard didn’t usually bother with much foreplay. He grabbed Aidan’s left boob through his shirt. Aidan groaned. This was not helping him be less horny.

“Knock it off,” Aidan tried to say, but Richard wouldn’t stop kissing him enough for it to be understandable. Richard pushed Aidan’s shirt up and pinched his nipple. “Ah!”

-

Without Trey in the room, they absolutely would have gone for another round here.

-

“God, are you still going?” Trey asked. The sound of him stroking his dick did not pause as he spoke. That was definitely not helping Aidan be less horny.

“Well, now we’re listening to someone jerk off,” Richard said. “It’s a natural physical reaction.”

Trey started to laugh, gasped, and Aidan was willing to bet that weird breath he took meant he came. That was embarrassing for him, but also pretty funny.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Aidan said, squirming out of Richard’s grasp. At least with the light still off, Aidan didn’t have to worry about the fact that his unbound breasts were clearly visible under his shirt, especially with one of his nipples all hard from being manhandled. He didn’t much like pulling his underwear and shorts up when he could feel Richard’s come oozing out of him, but even with the light off Aidan didn’t feel comfortable walking around the foot of the bed to the bathroom naked from the waist down.

Once the bathroom door was shut, Aidan turned the light on. His hair was a mess and his boobs were indeed visible in this shirt, but Richard hadn’t left any marks on his neck. He peed, and then spent a not-insignificant amount of time wiping up the mess. He knew dicks were only supposed to ejaculate a teaspoon or some small amount like that, but he would swear Richard came more than that. Although Aidan supposed it was kind of hard to tell apart what came out of his body versus Richard’s. God knew he got pretty damn wet when Richard started pawing at him.

-

I don't know that Aidan is even thinking about this consciously at this point, but vagina owners please pee after PIV sex! Our urethras are too short to not clean out whatever may have gotten in there during sex! Save yourself the UTI! Also I did establish earlier that they weren't bothering with condoms, which was purely so I didn't have to figure out how to get a condom into this scene without waking up Trey or disrupting the pacing, but also makes the clean-up extra necessary.

-

He turned the light off before he left the bathroom, then waited until he could see well enough to be sure the light in the main room was still off before he opened the door. He made it back to the bed and under the covers without incident.

“Swear to god,” Trey said from the other bed, “if you assholes don’t go to sleep now, I’m telling Coach.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richard said. He rolled over and put his arm around Aidan’s waist. Aidan tensed, but all Richard did was snuggle into Aidan’s back. Aidan wished he knew what the hell was going on in Richard’s head, but he was too tired to think about it for long before he fell asleep.

-

Richard is totally in love with Aidan and Aidan is just like "wtf has he always been cuddly?" The answer is yes, actually, but it's pretty hard to get in those post-coital cuddles when you're having quickies in the locker room.

-

*

Being stealth at school wasn’t as hard as Aidan had worried it would be. Enough guys changed for gym in the bathroom stalls because they were shy that it wasn’t that notable that Aidan did it too. It was slightly more conspicuous in the locker room for practice, but most of the soccer team didn’t pay too much attention to him at first, and then they liked him enough because he was a good player to not give him shit about it.

So maybe he’d gotten a little complacent about changing in the locker room. He was on birth control that stopped his periods now, so he didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing pad wings or tampon strings or whatever, and he wasn’t about to bleed through his underwear. More than once he’d actually gotten down to his binder with someone else in the room, without them noticing, because no one was paying attention to him change. So one day after practice, when he was really sweaty and muddy and everyone else had already left, Aidan thought, as long as everyone else was gone, he might as well take a shower.

-

Literally I don't understand why teen media acts like everyone is fine with changing in front of everyone. This was not the case anywhere I went. Maybe sports teams were more generally blase about it, the way most of the drama kids were, but even after four years of changing in front of each other for shows, there were some people who always changed in the bathroom. I never once used a shower at school until I lived in a dorm, though. Although again: theatre kid instead of sports kid.

-

He’d almost gotten away with it, even when Richard came back in to get something he’d forgotten in his locker. The showers weren’t easy to peek into from the path in and out of the locker room. Richard called out, “Who’s still in here?”

If he hadn’t responded, Richard definitely would have come to check it out, so Aidan shouted, “It’s Aidan!”

Richard laughed, because he’d been one of the other guys who fell in the mud. “Alright, see you tomorrow,” he called back, and Aidan relaxed.

Too soon, as it turned out, because a minute later Richard was at the doorway to the shower, saying, “Hang on, you never even change in front of us, let’s see what you’re so shy about, anyway.”

-

Gee, Richard, why are you so curious about seeing Aidan naked?

-

None of the showers were really set up to provide enough privacy to keep Aidan from being partially exposed. He yelped and spun around to put his back to Richard, but Richard had already gotten an eyeful.

“Holy shit,” Richard said, “you’re a girl?”

He didn’t pay any attention at all to Aidan’s protest that he was not, in fact, a girl. His very thoughtful rebuttal was to gesture at Aidan’s body and say, ��Boobs, vagina.” It was annoying enough that his suggestion he could keep his mouth shut if Aidan let Richard fuck him was almost a relief.

-

I think not writing this out as a full scene makes it stronger. Aidan's extremely judgy narration cracks me up. And it didn't feel like it needed it; the fact that it happened at all is what's important for this story, and I've already gotten the requisite S2B2 sex scene out of the way.

-

By then, Aidan was done showering. He tried to wrap himself in a towel and go to his locker to get dressed, but Richard grabbed him, pushed him up against the outside wall of the showers, and kissed him. He’d already been hard, and that made Aidan kind of dizzy even if it was based on a fundamental misunderstanding of Aidan’s gender.

“What, now?” Aidan asked, breathlessly, like Richard’s dick hadn’t made that clear.

“Why, you got somewhere else to be?” Richard asked, and didn’t wait for an answer before kissing Aidan again.

Aidan lost his virginity on a damp towel spread out on the floor of the locker room. He didn’t come, but it was a near thing. Aidan swore to himself he wouldn’t get off on it the next time he let Richard fuck him, which turned out to be comically over-confident.

*

Aidan woke up the morning after having sex in front of a teammate with Richard pressed up against his side, his hand up Aidan’s shirt. He was grabbing Aidan’s boob in his sleep. Aidan didn’t know what he’d expected. It was under the blanket, at least. Aidan nudged Richard off of him, then lifted his head to see if Trey was awake. Trey was on his side facing away from them, so Aidan couldn’t tell. It would be too conspicuous to try and wriggle into his binder under the blanket, so Aidan reached for his phone to check the time.

He was just messing around on his phone, aimlessly scrolling social media, when Trey got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom. Aidan immediately dropped his phone to grab his binder. He wrenched his shirt off, pulled his binder on, and was rewarded with the bottom edge of his binder rolling up and digging in painfully, the way it always did he when he tried to put it on too fast. Aidan kicked Richard under the blankets, while he struggled to pull his binder down.

Aidan heard Richard groan, then felt the bed shift as he moved around. Then Richard said, “Oh, shit, where’s Trey?”

“Bathroom,” Aidan said. “But I think he’s only peeing. Give me a hand.”

“Yeah,” Richard said. He grabbed the back of Aidan’s binder and pulled. He reached up with his other hand to straighten out the hem without Aidan having to ask. Since he always wanted access to Aidan’s boobs when they were having sex, he’d helped Aidan in and out of his binder enough times to be decent at it. It was one of the weird ways he was considerate even though he’d blackmailed Aidan into this.

While Aidan adjusted the way his boobs were laying in the front of his binder, Richard grabbed Aidan’s discarded shirt and turned it right side out. He held it out so all Aidan had to do was put his arms and head through it. While Aidan did that, he heard the toilet flush. Richard murmured, “You good?”

-

I think it says something about Richard (and his relationship with Aidan) that, even though Aidan doesn't realize Richard likes him, he still doesn't hesitate to demand assistance with his binder. They've been doing this long enough that Richard has clearly established that he's going to help Aidan stay closeted, despite theoretically holding the threat of outing him over his head. I don't know if anyone else even noticed this, but Richard going above and beyond by prepping the shirt for Aidan to get into is him doing a really good job of helping Aidan get dressed. I don't mention it in the story, but Richard doesn't have any younger siblings or anything; his experience dressing someone else is all Aidan. He's trying so hard to be boyfriend material without saying anything about it. Idiot.

-

Aidan yanked the shirt down and flopped back onto the bed. “Yeah,” he said.

“Good,” Richard said. He also laid back down, pulling the blanket up over their chests. He yawned. “What time is it?”

“Eight-thirty,” Aidan told him.

Richard groaned. “That’s too early to be up on a Saturday,” he said, and rolled over to press his face into Aidan’s shoulder.

“Stop that,” Aidan said, shrugging him off. He heard the bathroom door open, and then the sink ran. He was as prepared to face Trey as he was ever going to be. He would have felt more secure with another layer of clothes on, but he’d known he wouldn’t have time to get completely dressed, and it would be weird to get partially dressed and then stay in bed. Aidan wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep, but he didn’t completely disagree with Richard that it was too early to be up. And there wasn’t much he could do in the hotel room if Richard or Trey went back to sleep.

“Are you guys up?” Trey asked from around the corner.

“Yeah,” Aidan said. Richard groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.

“So,” Trey said, coming around the corner and heading for the bed he’d slept in. “Usually I wouldn’t want to be nosy, but I feel like I earned it.” He sat down on the edge of the bed facing them and leaning back on his hands. He was still in the t-shirt and plaid boxers he’d slept in. “Are you guys gay?”

At least that was a question with a simple answer. “Only in the umbrella sense,” Aidan said. “I’m bi.”

Richard flipped the blanket down off his face. “If being into Aidan counts,” he said, “then I guess I am too.”

Aidan looked sidelong at him. That was a pretty clever way to sound like he was saying something he wasn’t. The thing about Richard was that he was inconsistent about the gender thing. He’d been adamant he wasn’t gay and it wasn’t gay for him to fuck Aidan, but he never slipped up in front of other people. That wasn’t Aidan’s typical experience with people who didn’t believe or understand that he was trans. When they had sex, Richard worked around Aidan’s discomfort with having his clit touched. Aidan genuinely couldn’t tell how much Richard was being considerate versus just humoring Aidan in order to have continued access to Aidan’s body.

And now it sounded like he was fine with Trey thinking he was bi, even though he’d been vehement at first that he wasn’t gay.

Richard saw Aidan looking. “What?” he asked. He was blushing. He was blushing?

It was early, and Trey already knew they had sex. Aidan said bluntly, “I kind of figured I was just a convenient hole to stick your dick in.”

Richard shrugged. “I feel like you’d be less irresistible if you were.”

That made Aidan blush. He always thought Richard was just horny, not that he found Aidan especially attractive. That…put some things in a different light.

“For pete’s sake,” Trey said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t make me listen to you two have sex and a relationship discussion.”

“It’s too early to be talking about this shit anyway,” Aidan said. He sat up. “Breakfast is in the lobby, right?”

It was an obvious change of subject, but they both let him get away with it. Aidan steadfastly ignored the way he was still blushing and got up to get dressed.

*

Richard was in the middle of an argument with Jake about some video game when Aidan and Trey finished eating breakfast, so Aidan and Trey walked back through the hotel to their room to get ready for the day without him.

“Hey,” Aidan said, when the door to the room was closed behind them, “sorry about last night. I did try to tell him no ’cause you were here, but, uh. Not very hard, I guess.”

Trey sighed. “I mean, it sucked to get woken up like that, but it’s not like I’ve never done something stupid because a girl put her hand down my pants, so. Don’t worry about it.” He sat down on the foot of his bed and kicked off the shoes he’d worn to breakfast. He went on, “I mean, we’ve all walked past that nook behind the band room and pretended we didn’t see whoever was making out back there.”

-

Based on a real nook behind the band room at my high school. Literally on the path to the only bathrooms in the building, and we all collectively went I Do Not See It

-

That was an extremely generous word for some of what went on in the nook behind the band room. Aidan had never walked past anyone outright fucking back there, but it went a lot further than kissing. “Well, still,” Aidan said. “It was rude to do that to you. But thanks for being nice about it.”

“You know, thinking about it,” Trey said, “I did notice Richard was being nicer to you lately.”

“Ah,” Aidan said. He hadn’t been sure he wasn’t imagining that. Before Richard called him irresistible, Aidan thought any niceness he wasn’t imagining was due to misplaced sexism. Now he didn’t know what to think. To Trey, he said, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Trey yawned. “Hey,” he said, “do you mind if I try to take a nap before we have to go?”

“Nah, go ahead,” Aidan said. “Want me to wake you up?”

“I’ll set an alarm,” Trey said. He kicked off his shoes. Aidan didn’t bother, but he made sure to pull the covers up so his shoes didn’t get in the sheets or anything. Trey climbed into bed, messed with his phone for a minute, then closed his eyes. Aidan grabbed the book he was supposed to finish this weekend out of his backpack. After a second, he realized he should text Richard to be quiet when he came back to the room, did that, then went back to reading.

*

They were playing two games today, so Coach told them to pace themselves. He looked right at Richard when he said, “Don’t push yourselves too hard. We’re trying to build stamina, not let you hurt yourselves.” Richard attempted to look innocent. Coach didn’t fall for it any more than Aidan did.

-

This got all the way to the S2B2 editorial team without anyone pointing out that I had never named the fucking sport they were playing. It was always soccer in my head, but I sure didn't have that in the initial drafts!

-

The first game was good. The other team, who they hadn’t played before, had clearly gotten a similar talk from their coach. It was a chill, fun game that felt more cooperative than competitive. It was nice, although Aidan would get bored if every game felt that way.

It made Richard noticeably restless. For a second in the locker room after the game, Aidan thought Richard was going to follow him into the bathroom when he went to change. He didn’t, though, and Aidan took a moment to be thankful he was trans and no one could tell if he was turned on through his clothes. They’d literally just done it last night, why was Aidan already soaking his shorts at the thought of Richard following him into the bathroom? Stupid hormones.

The cafeteria wasn’t staffed, but the coaches had ordered catering and set it up in there. Aidan expected the catering was better than the cafeteria food anyway, so he wasn’t going to complain. He grabbed some sandwiches and a bag of chips, then went over to the water fountain to fill up his water bottle.

When Aidan got to the set of tables the rest of the team had claimed, Jake was laughing at Richard. “Man, you need to lighten up,” Jake said. “Forget superstition, maybe you should get laid before games, work off some of that energy.”

“He did,” Trey said. “It obviously didn’t help.”

Aidan froze in his seat. He was sure Richard did too.

Jake looked from Trey to Richard, then, inevitably, at Aidan.

Trey said, “Oh, dammit, was that–supposed to be secret?”

-

A story about being repeatedly outed, RIP Aidan

-

The table roared as everyone who’d heard them demanded details. Aidan didn’t know if he was surprised or offended at how quickly everyone determined Richard had sex with him, and not Trey, before either of them even said anything. Aidan didn’t bother to fight his blush. He only ignored it and unwrapped his sandwich.

“I thought you hated Aidan,” Mark said to Richard.

Before Richard could respond, Joseph said, “Come on, that was obviously his immature little way of flirting.” Aidan had come to a similar conclusion himself, given how quickly Richard jumped to “have sex with me” when he decided Aidan was a girl. He had to have been attracted to Aidan on some level before that, and “finding out” Aidan was a girl let him acknowledge it.

-

So this isn't a thing I've only seen in one place, but the example that jumps to my mind is Eurotrip; the main character finds out his German penpal is not a dude, as he assumed, but actually a girl, and immediately is like "oh I'm in love with her she's the one". Hey? Hey dude? That's fucking gay. Richard even admits it later, that finding out Aidan "was a girl" let him realize his feelings for Aidan were a crush. Like, I don't know how "latent bisexuality" isn't the only possible answer for this very rapid conclusion. If the only thing that's keeping you from fucking your dude friends is thinking they're dudes, but as soon as you have any reason to think that's not true you're like "okay take off your clothes"...that's actually pretty gay, dude. (This also happens a lot in gender-bender hentai manga. Hey guys? Your dude friend having tits now should not immediately lead to you fucking him and feeling totally secure in your heterosexuality, actually. That's a fucking wild reaction to this situation.) ("Ani it's just a porn premise" WELL SO IS THIS BUT I PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THE EXECUTION AT LEAST)

-

“I just thought we’re not that close, I didn’t hear about it,” Trey said. He looked wretched enough that Aidan felt bad for him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Richard yelled, to be heard over the din. “It’s not like we told you not to tell anyone.”

“Is this recent?” someone asked.

“Are you dating?” someone else asked, teasingly.

“No,” Aidan said firmly, in unison with Richard.

“You can’t say you’re friends with benefits,” Mark said. “You’re not friends.”

“Why aren’t you dating?” Joseph asked. He was closer to Richard, but he looked down the table in a way that made it clear he was including Aidan in his question.

Aidan looked at Richard, who stared back at him. Richard was wide-eyed, but the look on his face didn’t tell Aidan anything about how he wanted to handle this. Of course this was when everyone else would shut up enough to listen. Nosy bastards. Finally, Aidan said, “I don’t want to have this conversation in front of other people.”

“Yeah,” Richard said at once, “me neither.” He looked around the table. “It’s none of y’all’s business.”

-

They do not have this conversation in public because I didn't want to write this conversation with so many other people involved. I can write a big group meal talk, but it's hard, and honestly I don't think it would have been worth it in this case!

-

“God, I’m sorry,” Trey said, looking from Richard to Aidan. “I didn’t realize.”

“It’s fine,” Richard said.

It was annoying, but Aidan hadn’t heard any homophobia, just nosiness and some I-told-you-so’s. It was far and away the better outing he’d had at this school. “It’s okay, Trey,” Aidan said. He smiled, and hoped it didn’t look as forced as it was. “It’s not your fault nothing in the world can chill Richard out.”

Aidan told himself he didn’t feel bad, redirecting the teasing back to Richard alone. Richard rolled his eyes, but he let Jake resume giving him grief, so Aidan turned his attention to his lunch.

There were an uneven number of teams, so their team had a break after lunch, before their second game. They went to watch the other games that were happening. Aidan hoped he’d fall off the radar of the rest of the team, but he wasn’t that lucky.

Mark climbed over the bleachers to sit down next to Aidan twenty minutes into the game. “Hey,” he said quietly, “are you really hooking up with Richard?”

“I guess,” Aidan said. He didn’t know what else he could say. At least Richard had been just as firm at lunch about the fact they weren’t dating as Aidan had; that could have been awkward. Well, more awkward.

“And you’re…okay? With that?” Mark asked. “I mean, he was such a dick when you joined the team. No pun intended.”

Aidan shrugged. “I assumed Joey was right, and that was his messed-up attempt at flirting. Or dealing with his feelings, anyway,” he said. He wasn’t sure it counted as flirting if you didn’t know why you were doing it. He added, “I don’t think he’s ever been into another guy before.”

-

I mean, if one of your friends who was kind of bullying a guy suddenly turned out to be having sex with that guy, it seems reasonable to be concerned that something unsavory is going on there. And there is! Or at least there was! So here we see Aidan being offered an out for the first of, like, three times in this story. But he is now invested enough in also protecting Richard, as well as continuing to get laid, that he isn't even conflicted or concerned about taking it without simultaneously outing himself. It doesn't even occur to him! Mostly he just doesn't want to be talking to his teammates about this.

-

“I guess that makes sense,” Mark said. He scratched his scruffy goatee. “But I don’t know, man, my sisters always say you shouldn’t reward guys who do stuff like that. It’s kind of a red flag, isn’t it?”

Great, he thought Aidan was some kind of foolish damsel. Aidan guessed that was technically better than people knowing he was trans and treating him like a delusional girl. Not by much, though. He said, “I don’t know about Richard, but this is one reason I didn’t want to tell people. It’s complicated. And personal.”

“No, I know,” Mark said, holding up his hands. “You’re a big boy, you can make your own decisions. I just thought, I dunno, someone should check on you. We’ve all known Richard longer than you, I didn’t want you to be, you know, forgotten about.”

Aidan didn’t know what to say to that. “Thanks?” Aidan said.

Mark sighed. “I should have told Trey to do this,” he said.

Aidan laughed. “Trey wasn’t worried,” he said. “I bet he would’ve told you not to worry, too. Not to be vulgar or anything, but there is a reason I’m hooking up with him.”

“Oh,” Mark said. He made a face. “Really?” he asked after a moment. “I mean, you’re right, I don’t think Richard’s ever been into another guy before, and it doesn’t seem like that would lend itself to being good at gay sex.”

Aidan shrugged, still smiling. “I was honestly shocked,” he said. “But it’s really good.”

“Damn, okay,” Mark said. Aidan glanced at him, and saw he was blushing. About time someone else was embarrassed about this. “I guess that answers that.”

In the locker room before their second game, as Aidan walked over to the bathroom stalls, Jake said, “Ah, now we know why Aidan changes in the bathroom. To avoid inflaming Richard’s lust!” Most of the team burst into laughter.

Well, Aidan thought, face hot enough it felt like it might burst into flames, at least this was all sending them off track. No one would guess he was trans if they assumed it was all about Richard, the way he’d hassled Aidan at first, and now not being naked around the guy he was hooking up with when they weren’t having sex.

“Yeah, yeah,” Richard said loudly. “Very funny. I have some self-control, you know.”

“Not according to Trey!” Jake said, and set off another round of laughter. Great, so Aidan could assume everyone knew they’d had sex while Trey was in the room. The guys had probably already started texting other people from school about it. Not only were people going to know Aidan was sleeping with Richard, they’d know he didn’t have enough self-control to override his libido.

He did still prefer that to people knowing he was trans. At least Aidan being horny for Richard was something it made sense to treat him differently for.

The second game was rougher than the first one. This team was not taking it easy. Aidan wound up in the dirt more than once, although he didn’t get injured. Richard was in his element. While Aidan was on the sidelines, trying to catch his breath and hydrate after Coach subbed him out, he found it difficult not to watch him.

-

Former soccer player had to look up the rules of soccer for this story. Shameful. (It has been like...literally twenty years. It's not actually shameful, it's just annoying because dammit I still had an eidetic memory when I played soccer why can't I find that information in my brain it has to be there somewhere)

-

Jake elbowed Aidan. “Keep your mind on the game, perv,” he said.

“Shut up,” Aidan said reflexively, but he could feel himself turning red again. “Like you haven’t told us all a thousand times how hard it is not to pop a boner when you go to Crystal’s games.”

“Mm,” Jake said, nodding. “It is hot when people are good at things. Still, embarrassing to be into Richard.”

“If you guys don’t stop saying stuff like that, I’m going to tell you exactly what I enjoy about Richard,” Aidan said. If he chose his words carefully enough, he wouldn’t even be lying. “And I doubt he’d mind me bragging about his dick.”

Jake groaned. “He would not,” he agreed. “Okay, message received, I’ll shut up now.”

“Thank you,” Aidan said, as primly as he could. Jake laughed.

*

They lost the game, but only by a single point. Considering the other team had at one point managed a four point lead, they felt pretty good about that. After they showered and changed, there was a goofy little closing ceremony, but it was short. Not short enough that Aidan wasn’t ruing and lamenting his extremely sweaty binder. Being able to take a shower before this would be nice.

Except he didn’t know if he’d even be on the soccer team if he was out. Or be allowed to use the showers, if he was. It didn’t usually bother him this much, but two games’ worth of sweat made his binder unspeakably itchy.

-

Write what you know sometimes means writing about how fucking itchy binders are. Starting T made it so much more urgent for me to get top surgery because being extra-sweaty while binding is a nightmare.

-

Finally back in their hotel room, Aidan immediately started gathering his things for a shower. The bathroom here locked, and even if it was a pain getting back into a binder not fully dry–and if he was locked in the bathroom with his clothes, he never got totally dry–he had a clean one to change into, and he wouldn’t have to worry about Trey or anyone else seeing him.

“Hey,” Trey said, “I really am sorry about, like. Outing you both, I guess.”

“It’s fine,” Aidan said. He was dithering about if he could get out his clean binder while Trey was right here without him noticing. He didn’t keep his binders in the main pocket of the suitcase, since that was so easy to look into if someone walked by. Was that paranoid? Probably. But as much as binders didn’t look a lot like bras, they also didn’t really look like something a cis boy would have in their luggage. It might invite questions or investigation.

Richard flopped backward onto the bed, jostling Aidan’s suitcase. “I should have asked you not to say something,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”

“I mean,” Aidan said, “I don’t care if people know I’m bi. Honestly, everyone seems more shocked anyone would fuck you.”

“No one is shocked someone would fuck me,” Richard said, frowning. “They’re shocked you would fuck me.”

“Well, by the end of the day he was threatening to tell everyone all about the apparent wonders of your dick,” Trey said, “so at least the whole team understands my pain now.”

Aidan laughed. “Sorry,” he said.

Trey waved him off. “Anyway, I thought I’d clear out until dinner,” he said. “If you wanted to have sex without an audience for once.”

“Uh, thanks?” Aidan said. “But I’m going to enjoy a nice, private shower. Get all this damn dirt off.”

“Also valid,” Trey said. “Have fun.”

He left, the door clicking locked behind him. Aidan yanked off his shirt and threw it to the ground, then grabbed his binder and yanked that off, too. “Fucking hell,” Aidan said, scratching his chest. “That was too long in one binder.”

“Hey, you want me to get your back?” Richard asked.

On the one hand, that felt really intimate and kind of weird to let Richard do, but on the other hand, Aidan could not reach the itchiest parts of his back on his own. He shoved his suitcase to the foot of the bed and sat down with his back to Richard. “Please,” he said.

The mattress shifted as Richard moved over to sit behind Aidan. “My mom always asked my dad to scratch her back after workouts,” he said. “She said her sports bra was way worse than her regular bras for making her back itchy.” He ran the nails of both hands down either side of Aidan’s spine. Totally unable to help himself, Aidan moaned.

-

I spent my childhood scratching my mom and sister's backs after they took off their bras. Such an important part of being good friends to someone with boobs that require support, IMO. Also just like...the intimacy of this is so not sexual. Especially since Aidan is sweaty and feels gross right now. Although maybe that's my bias as someone who mostly did this for family members before I got married.

-

“More on the shoulder blades,” Aidan suggested.

Richard moved his hands up. “So, uh, sorry I didn’t tell Trey not to tell anyone,” he said.

“Hm?” It took Aidan a second to process that, lost as he was in the euphoria of having his itches relieved. “Oh. No, it’s okay. Like I said, I don’t care if people know I’m bi. And I mean, you heard them in the locker room, now they think I don’t change or shower with everyone because of you. That’s great for me. Not…as great for you, maybe.”

Richard was quiet for a minute. He moved his scratching down to the red mark the bottom of Aidan’s binder left, where it dug in. Eventually, Richard said, “It’s fine. Kind of weird, but whatever. It is strange to hear you’re giving out rave reviews of my dick, though.”

Aidan blushed even though Richard couldn’t see him. “You can’t be surprised by that,” he said. “Unless you think I’ve been faking it this whole time.”

Richard laughed. “No,” he admitted. He moved back up to Aidan’s shoulders. “I actually started wondering if some of the girls I was with before were faking. You know, in comparison.”

Aidan snorted. “Probably rude to assume,” he said. “I mean, if they said they liked it, I’d believe them.” Although he guessed it was possible some of them had been faking. Aidan would say this for having sex with someone just to get them to do what he wanted: he’d had no incentive to stroke Richard’s ego about how good he was making Aidan feel, which could very well have made Richard try harder. He hadn’t not tried to make it good for Aidan, at least.

“I guess,” Richard said. “Again, I don’t think any of them went around bragging about it.”

“It seemed like the best way to get a bunch of straight guys to stop asking questions about us,” Aidan said. “I don’t even have to lie.” He sighed, and stood up. “Thanks,” he said.

“No problem,” Richard said. He was looking up at Aidan with a weird expression on his face. Aidan wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it had been a mistake to let Richard scratch his back after everything else that had happened today.

Aidan unzipped the pocket of his suitcase he had his clean binder in, then paused. He looked up at Richard. “You’re not going to be coming in and out of the room, right?” he asked.

“No,” Richard said, looking puzzled. “I was just going to sit here and watch stuff on my phone.”

Aidan nodded. “Then I’m going to leave my clothes out here,” he said. “I mean, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Richard grinned at him. “Yeah,” he said. He stopped leering and nodded his head at the bathroom. “I hate how moist my clothes get when I take them into hotel bathrooms. Even when they’re not wet, they’re, like, clammy.”

-

Richard is trying so hard to be Normal, I cannot deal with it

-

“Right?”

The water pressure in the hotel shower was crap, but the water heater was in no danger of running out of hot water. And again, this point could not be stressed enough: it was private. Aidan didn’t have to worry anyone would see him. Even on the other side of the door, there was only Richard, who already knew about him. Aidan had a long, adequate-to-satisfactory shower. He got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and draped another one over his head, then brushed his teeth and moisturized. Hotel bathrooms never had decent bathmats, either. And the towels just got completely wet right away if you tried to use them as bathmats. No wonder their clothes always felt wet.

-

Hotel bathrooms never have decent bathmats. This must be some kind of law.

-

Aidan dried his hair and tossed that towel over the door of the shower stall. He went out into the room with just the towel around his waist. Richard looked up and let out a low whistle.

“Fuck off,” Aidan said, rolling his eyes. He put on clean underwear, then the jeans he’d worn to and from the school where they’d played. Those were clean enough, although he was planning to put on a fresh shirt. He thought his torso still wasn’t dry enough to try putting on his binder, so he rubbed himself down with the towel again.

“I don’t want to prove everyone right,” Richard drawled, “but I have to admit watching this isn’t not turning me on.”

Aidan rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, there’s nothing sexier than me desperately trying to dry my back,” he said.

“It makes your boobs jiggle,” Richard said, which Aidan had to admit was true.

The door opened. Aidan jumped and completely lost hold of the towel. He snatched up his binder and held it in front of his chest, like that was going to do anything now. Richard leapt to his feet on the other side of the bed, which was about as useful.

Trey slammed the door behind him and leaned on it, as though someone was going to follow him in. His eyes were so wide they looked like they’d pop right out of his head. “You’re a girl?” he exclaimed, in the exact incredulous tone Richard had shouted those words in.

“Don’t be stupid,” Richard snapped, “of course he’s not a girl!”

Despite himself, Aidan laughed. “What the fuck,” he said. “Since when do you believe that?”

Richard flushed and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when Trey said from the door, “Oh, are you one of those, uh, people who was born in the wrong body?”

Aidan grimaced. He kind of hated that phrasing, because Aidan mostly liked his body. Even the parts of it that other people thought made him a girl were fine, on their own. Binding was more annoying than having boobs, honestly, but people wouldn’t treat him like a guy if he didn’t do it. But that was also still the main narrative cis people heard, and the only one they really seemed to understand. If Trey didn’t remember the word transgender, he reached for the definition he had in his head. Aidan said, “Yeah, I’m trans.”

-

I try not to soapbox too much when I'm writing, but it's so hard to know what people will or won't know about trans people, even writing for a primarily queer audience. This is definitely happening after I was in high school, because Richard talks about watching something on his phone, which was only barely possible when I graduated. I think this part also establishes, if less definitely, that it must be happening closer to its 2023 publication date than the 2005-2009 period I was in high school. Obviously I don't know if anyone at my high school was trans and stealth, but I do know the openly trans kids were generally the ones who either couldn't be closeted or had way too much dysphoria to stand it. Aidan doesn't have that much physical dysphoria (or at least has figured out how to manage it by the time the story happens) but he clearly has enough social dysphoria to lead him to being stealth. I figure he got lucky, relatively speaking, with boobs that bind flat enough to pass and a figure that doesn't immediately scream "my endocrine system was estrogen-dominant during a crucial period of physical development", but I did also make sure to establish really early on that he's on period-halting birth control and his physical dysphoria causes sexual problems for him. I try not to give every character just the exact relationship to their body and dysphoria that I or my wife have, because while that is obviously easier for me to write, I don't want to contribute to any ideas about there being a right or normal way to be trans. Aidan has different dysphoria than me even though I'm drawing a lot on my own experiences as someone who was assigned female at birth but was never entirely comfortable with it. It doesn't come up in this story, although I might write a little extra about it, but Aidan is not on testosterone during the story. I would have to do research about how exactly it works, but I'm in the USA, and I wrote this from the assumption it's set in the USA, so in the back of my head was the idea that Aidan's parents' insurance won't cover transition stuff before he's 18. I guess it's possible they also wouldn't cover it before he was 16, and he didn't want to draw attention to himself by starting second puberty in the middle of everyone else's first puberty. Richard absolutely thinks Aidan is on testosterone, because he's like "well this is what trans guys do and Aidan passes, therefore". Aidan is going to roast him about how stupid that is when Richard knows damn well that Aidan does not have to shave his face. The other stuff is in comparison, so Richard gets a pass on, eg, Aidan having a smaller clit and a higher voice, but facial hair growth is usually a pretty early development in testosterone puberty and Richard should have noticed that Aidan literally never has any stubble.

-

Unfortunately, at the same time, Richard snapped at Trey, “Don’t be insensitive, that’s an outdated way of talking about it.”

-

Growing up, I didn't know about my dad's lesbian best friend, I just knew he made lots of gay jokes. I'm pretty sure I learned the word dyke from my dad throwing it around in what I'm sure he thought was a jocular manner that was fine because Denise said it. But when my wife came out to him, he did a hard 180 on her (he had previously stopped liking her the instant it became clear we were dating) and sent her an excessively girly gift as...a coming out present? I guess? (Except he was a boomer and it was 2014, so he sent her a My Little Pony t-shirt. He tried, is my point.) Anyway I'm sure that's where my soft spot for people being aggressively progressive about things they themselves have been shitty about comes from. Sometimes it's hard to understand that context changes how things are received, especially if they're not the kind of person who thinks too much about the actual meaning of their words. I do think it also makes a nice change from the, like, soft progressivism. How soapboxy can it be when the guy snapping about misgendering is also cussing and rude the whole time? Anyway anyway: Richard clearly did a lot of research if he got in deep enough to see people talking about the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative being problematic and outdated. And still, he did not tell Aidan this. A fool.

-

“Are you kidding me?” Aidan demanded. “You’re telling someone not to be insensitive? You decided I was a girl the second you saw me naked, too! And then argued with me about it!” With one hand, he gestured at the door, which Trey was still leaning against like it or he would fall over otherwise. “At least Trey didn’t demand to fuck me!”

“Dude,” Trey said, and frowned at Richard, “what the hell.”

“Shut up, you did the same thing,” Richard said. He was blushing again.

“Screw you, no I did not,” Trey said. “Even if Aidan was a girl I wouldn’t demand sex with her! Who does that?”

“Okay, yeah, I guess that was fucked up,” Richard said.

“You guess?” Aidan and Trey both asked.

Richard threw his hands in the air. “Okay, it was definitely fucked up, but it worked out okay!” He pointed at Trey. “And you’re not gonna tell anyone about Aidan, right? You can tell this is a fucking secret, I hope.”

“Of course I won’t tell anyone,” Trey said, frowning. “What do you mean, it worked out okay? Aidan,” Trey said, looking at him, suddenly alarmed, “if you want to tell Coach or someone that Richard was, like, taking advantage of you, I’ll back you up.”

-

Trey belatedly realizing this situation is sus and panicking that he shouldn't have taken it in stride.

-

“If I was going to do that, it would be better to talk about it not in front of him,” Aidan pointed out. “But I’m not–it’s fine.”

Trey looked skeptical. “If you say so,” he said.

Aidan grabbed his binder from where he’d dropped it when he was yelling at Richard. “I mean, I think we…have some stuff to talk about,” he said. “But you don’t need to be here for that.” He started the process of pulling his binder back on.

“Yeah, why did you come back early anyway?” Richard asked.

Trey blinked and looked around the room. “Oh,” he said. “I left my wallet here. I was going to give Mark money for pizza.”

“Oh, do you think I can get in on that?” Aidan asked. He yanked on the bottom of his binder to get it down where it was most comfortable.

“Sure,” Trey said. He was not looking at Aidan in a way that felt unfortunately pointed, but Aidan guessed that was better than staring. “I mean, if he hasn’t already ordered.”

“It’s only been a few minutes, I’m sure it’s fine,” Aidan said. He turned around to dig his wallet out of his backpack. He heard Trey cross the room to go through his stuff as well. Richard sat back down on the edge of the bed, where he’d been when Trey opened the door.

When Aidan walked around the bed to meet Trey and give him the cash, Trey glanced over at Richard. He asked Aidan quietly, “You sure you’ll be okay if I leave you alone?”

Aidan made an effort not to roll his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. He understood where Trey was coming from, but it was…Aidan didn’t know what it was, but it had been a long time since he didn’t feel safe around Richard. Richard never had hurt him, or even threatened him directly. Aidan apparently had no clue what was going on in Richard’s head, but he was less worried about being alone with him than ever. Maybe that was foolish. But nothing had changed for him since he reassured Mark earlier that day.

When Trey was gone, Aidan turned to Richard, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. “Okay, first of all,” Aidan said, “since when do you actually believe I’m a guy?”

Richard blushed and looked away. “Since like…the second week we were doing it,” he said. “I got curious and looked up some of the stuff you said online, and…yeah.”

“What the hell,” Aidan said. Thinking back, Aidan guessed it was true Richard hadn’t said nearly as much gendered bullshit after the first few times. Aidan had still been expecting it for weeks afterward, and been on edge about it the whole time, but Richard hadn’t actually called Aidan a girl again. Of course, he also hadn’t said anything to imply he understood Aidan was a guy until last night, when he called Aidan a faggot. Aidan asked, “Why didn’t you say something? Jesus, Richard, half the reason I didn’t want to fuck you is because I thought you thought I was a girl!”

“I thought if you knew I believed you, you wouldn’t let me keep having sex with you,” Richard said, his shoulders up around his ears.

Aidan stared at him. At least it looked like Richard knew he’d messed up. Aidan shook his head and asked, “Why would you believing me when I said I wasn’t a girl change the fact that I didn’t want other people to know? I agreed to have sex with you so you’d keep your mouth shut.”

“I don’t know!” Richard exclaimed. “I wasn’t thinking straight, I just knew I’d somehow managed to get you to–” He snapped his mouth closed on whatever he had been about to say. He started again. “I worried if I said anything,” he said, “you’d realize this was stupid.”

-

He didn't want to say he'd somehow managed to get Aidan to fuck him, because that sounds bad. Because it was bad!

-

Aidan rolled his eyes. He walked back to his side of the bed and pulled his clean shirt on. “I already knew it was stupid,” he said. “But it’s slightly less stupid if you’re not thinking I’m a girl the whole time.”

“That’s not true,” Richard said. He looked over his shoulder at Aidan and laughed. “Aidan, it’s so stupid. I’m so stupid.”

“Well, yeah,” Aidan said, adjusting his shirt. “But, you know, on the bright side, you’re a good lay.”

-

Ani Mosity stories: yes your personality is atrocious, but you're good in bed, so it's kind of a wash tbh

-

Richard laughed again, sounding a little manic. He dropped his head and put his face in his hands. “Okay,” he said. “Can I–can we start over?”

“What?” Aidan asked.

“Ugh, no,” Richard muttered, “I’m doing this all wrong. At least I can’t get it worse this time, I guess.” He sat up and turned to look at Aidan. He was blushing again. “I already had a crush on you,” he said. “That’s why I was such an asshole all the time. I didn’t–I didn’t realize that’s what it was until that time in the locker room. And then I thought you were a girl and I realized I had a crush on you, except then you weren’t a girl but I couldn’t convince myself I didn’t have that crush on you. And the whole time you were letting me fuck you and it seemed like, you know, you didn’t hate it. So I decided if I didn’t say anything it was fine, because, like…at least you’d keep having sex with me.”

After a moment, Aidan said, “Wow. No, you’re right, that’s very stupid.”

“I know,” Richard moaned. “I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I won’t tell anyone if you want to stop. I mean, I won’t tell anyone no matter what. That you’re transgender. I don’t know if it makes sense to not tell anyone we’re not hooking up anymore. And, well.” He waved at the outer wall of the hotel room, indicating the walkway. “I don’t think I’m gonna convince anyone we weren’t hooking up.”

Aidan let out a deep breath. “Thank god,” he said.

Richard looked over at him as he sat down on the bed next to Richard. “Huh?”

“Trey was worried just now because it would be really stupid to keep fucking someone who was blackmailing me,” Aidan said. “But if you’re not blackmailing me anymore, then it’s way less stupid to keep fucking you.”

Richard frowned, confused but hopeful. “You don’t want to stop?”

“I mean, we just established I enjoy sex with you enough to use it as a weapon against nosy people,” Aidan said. “So I guess the question is, do you want to just keep hooking up, or do you want to go out with me?”

Richard’s mouth fell open. “You would date me? After all this?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Aidan said, “it’s totally about the sex for me. But even when you were blackmailing me, you were, like. Less shitty than you could have been. You know, helping me in and out of my binder and stuff. So why not? You already said you like me.”

“I do,” Richard said. “Fuck, Aidan,” he said, turning to face him and grabbing Aidan’s hands, “I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had. I swear I’ll be less of a stupid asshole.”

“You’ll be the only boyfriend I’ve ever had,” Aidan said. He could feel himself blushing again. He was used to Richard being handsy and kind of smug about it. He wasn’t used to Richard being earnest. Even at practice, Richard was usually more snarky than sincere. It was disarming, as well as cute.

“Really?” Richard asked. He looked pleased.

“I mean, I had a girlfriend in middle school, if middle school dating even counts,” Aidan said. They hadn’t done more than kiss. Aidan hadn’t been out then–hadn’t really known he was trans beyond vague discomfort with the idea of being a “young woman”–but Melissa talked a lot about how hot butches and cross-dressers were. That had been Aidan’s introduction to the idea that people could play with gender for reasons other than sex. He and Melissa went to a dance once in matching dress shirts and ties.

- The idea of middle school wlw attending a dance in matching suits is very cute. I bet Melissa is also not cis!

-

“I feel like if my middle school girlfriend ever found out I said it didn’t, she’d appear out of nowhere and wring my neck,” Richard said. He leaned over, taking one of his hands off Aidan’s and putting it on his jaw. It was surreal, to have Richard kiss him gently like this. Even when he’d thought Aidan was a girl, he had been too horned up to bother being gentle.

-

Richard's middle school relationship was tsundere-for-tsundere.

-

It made Aidan perversely turned on. Or maybe he was just used to only having sex with Richard. Either way, he pulled away, then swung his leg over Richard’s lap to straddle him. He stooped down to kiss Richard again.

A little while later, Aidan pulled back just enough to ask, “How long do you think we have before Trey gets back?”

Of course, that was when the lock beeped, and the door scraped open. Aidan slumped in Richard’s lap. Richard murmured, “Not long.”

“Oh, great,” Trey said, closing the door behind him. “So talking about things just made you horny again.”

“It is our god-given right as teenagers to be horny all the time,” Aidan said, craning his neck to see Trey.

“What are you, some kind of homophobe?” Richard asked. “I’m not allowed to make out with my own boyfriend?” Yeah, Aidan already found the hypocrisy endearing instead of obnoxious. Was he that easily swayed by good sex or did he just have bad taste?

“Good lord, this trip has been a nightmare,” Trey said. He walked over to his bed and grabbed his hoodie off of it. “Joey wanted to do a movie night after the pizza got here, so I can give you two hours alone, and if you have sex while I’m in the room after that I’m going to smother you with your pillows.”

“Sounds fair,” Richard said.

“You are a lion among men,” Aidan said to Trey over his shoulder. “A diamond in the rough.”

“You sound like you’re drunk,” Trey said, rolling his eyes. “Is the sex that good?” He shook his head. “Don’t answer that. Just keep it in your pants until the pizza gets here.”

“Thank you!” Aidan climbed out of Richard’s lap, because he didn’t trust either of them if he stayed there. He looked at Richard from beside him. “You should eat dinner before that, then.”

“Yeah,” Richard said, looking back at Aidan. He started blushing again, and Aidan couldn’t imagine why. Then Richard asked, “Will you walk with me?”

“This might actually be worse than hearing you have sex,” Trey muttered.

Aidan laughed. “This is at least partially your fault,” he said, leaning over to grab his shoes.

“You must know that makes it worse,” Trey said.

“Sucks to suck,” Richard said. Yeah, Aidan probably needed to resign himself to the idea he had bad taste.

Still, once they both had their shoes and jackets on, Aidan followed Richard out of the hotel room. Richard hesitated a moment, then reached out for Aidan’s hand. Aidan took it, and they walked through the hotel and down the street to the Taco Bell, holding hands the whole way.

-

Teen romance can be complicated, and teen romance can be holding hands while you walk to a fast food joint. This was not a story I had trouble ending! It happened sooner than I expected, as you may be able to tell by the fact that it is under 10k words, but I feel good about the tight time-frame everything happens in. We don't need to see the months of having weird transactional sex, we just need to see the effects of it, with both boys being comfortable with each other, and Richard clearly being more into Aidan than Aidan realizes. Once someone else knows about it and starts asking questions, there's no reason to draw it out.

[purpleyin]

Ok, time for the promised personal update post. It's a lot. Like a lot a lot. I've mentally tried writing this out several times and it always gets too complex but here goes. So, since January...

I got yet another infection from a long-term cyst of mine the NHS doesn't see fit to deal with removing now they're trying to cost cut

I started having some strange allergic? responses (to a new shampoo and to touching some things in the house). When I took the antibiotics for the above, it had a side effect listed where it could make allergies worse, which 2 pharmacists I checked with both swore to me wasn't actually anything to worry about (but giving different reasons for why not, which was sus) and to definitely still take it. Only it did indeed make everything so much worse. It also upset my stomach so badly despite probiotics and generally made me feel awful on top of the allergy stuff going on, so that was a hellish week.

The 'so much worse' allergies stuff was four things, which continued after the antibiotics finished as well: 1) me reacting with itching, wheezing, throat tightness, tingly sometimes red lined lips, cheeks burny/hot, raised heartrate, sometimes chest pain, to many toiletries even ones I'd been using fine for ages previously. 2) me reacting similarly to a selection of foods too, which later I figured out mostly corresponded to things either higher in histamine or processed foods with additives. Plus, there was still the probable interstitial cystitis bladder pain going on that GPs didn't get to the bottom of, nor follow-up on, which got a lot better when I switched to only drinking water but would sometimes get worse at the same time as some food reactions. Randomly lost about a stone of weight inexplicably too near the start of this 3) me reacting to scents and strong smells, particularly chemical ones from laundry or dishwashing detergent but also in toiletries. And suddenly having a hypersensitive nose in general, able to strongly smell stuff my housemate could barely pick up on 4) my existing dust mite allergy got to a practically unmanageable level of contact dermatitis bright red itchy hands anytime I touched anything with even a vague amount of allergen on it, so basically everything in my house considering how ill I'd been for months before this and not managed much cleanin for ages. All my clothes made me itchy too since I'd previously not realised 30C washing only washes some-to-most of the dust mites and allergens out, not all, and apparently now that suddenly mattered.

I had several people suggest to me that my symptoms sounded like either histamine intolerance or MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), which I'd already actually come to the conclusion of fairly quickly (yay for my previously reading up on it last year after seeing thebibliosphere's posts about it). I went back on my daily antihistamine quickly, which helped a bit and I probably never should have stopped last October when they took me off it to see if it decreased my fatigue. But my GPs reaction to everything was basically 'that sounds complicated, let's get you to an allergist'. Got an appointment next week but no clue if the allergist will take me seriously because it's the same department that ignored similar but much more minor symptoms I had like this back in 2014 (told me it was just anxiety since they couldn't identify what was causing it).

I went on a low histamine diet quite quickly too which had helped I think. Now I'm slowly reintroducing products and foods to try to find ones I don't react to or react least to. It's very slow progress since it's unpleasant trying too many in one day, reactions feel kinda cumulative that way and trying has to be plenty spaced out.

I've also been getting a crash course in the ways of reducing dust mites. Special bedding, air purifier, dehumidifier, special laundry detergent for things I can't wash on high heat. Having to change bedding very often and also very slowly try to wash my whole wardrobe and get rid of things that are too difficult to keep dust mite free. This level of cleaning is not compatible with being a spoonie unfortunately, so I can never clean enough just try my best and often end up exhausted with no energy for other stuff.

All of this has been very expensive, bye bye to a chunk of my savings. Buying stuff to help stop my reactions. Or buying things I hope will be safe, to try out, only to react to them and not be able to use it turns out. The products that are more natural/less ingredients/less additives tend to be handmade and/or specialised too. And the electricals expensive to boot, both purchase cost and running costs having them on 24/7 and so much more laundry including the expense of frequent tumble drying. Plus having to buy a lot of fresh/good quality/organise whole foods or better quality less additives foods gets pricy quickly too. I'd had so little patience while this was going, being already very distressed about everything making life hellish, that I was just in the mood of throw savings at a problem if there's something that might fix it.

Oh, and also while that whole new mess with the infection & antibiotics & allergies was going on, I have some bruises that are oddly not going away inexplicably (still not sure why) and then found a lump in my abdomen a week after the antibiotics. Got fast tracked for cancer tests - gastroscopy, several ultrasounds, bloodtests, stool samples, CT (that I had quite a bit of wheezing/throat tight & feeling odd after the contrast). Thankfully after a month I found out that turned out to be a benign lipoma, but they also discovered I have signs of fatty liver, diverticular disease, a lax muscle between stomach and oesophagus, and also several ovarian cysts they're now keeping an eye on. And now it turns out my inflammation is high right now due to my previous ingrown toe from Nov/Dec needing some nail cut off as it's still red (that they strongly suggested I should maybe get done privately, but waiting to see if the referral goes through on NHS) and my thyroid levels are squiffy possibly due to that inflammation in the meantime. And yet... the NHS doesn't think dealing with the cyst that might get infected again (it's happened twice now) nor the toe that might get infected again that's still inflamed currently might possibly need to be a priority for the person on immunosuppressants who is meant to be careful and proactive to avoid infections - it's all very well me being proactive about those but if the parts of the NHS other than my rheumatology department don't take it seriously there's not much I can do unless going private. :/ It never rains, it pours, seems quite apt for my health since last October. One of the saddest bits is not really being able to pet or cuddle my cat much at all because I react to the dust he has on his fur from sitting on the floor. Even if I wash myself quickly afterwards, I still react on my skin, will get wheezy, and then need to change clothes, only I'm barely keeping up with washing and have so few wearable clothes at any time so that's not an option most of the time. I got cotton gloves to use for stroking him but he's a little suspicious of those. I can tell he's been sad about the lack of human contact (housemate at least still can do so, has done extra pets) and it breaks my heart he might think I dislike him now. He'd also had his own stresfful and pretty expensive health issues since January that I had to deal with while feeling awful myself (I went to the vets in pajamas twice), though he's stable now and happier. For a while, I had to keep him inside and feed him new meds on a schedule, which he pretty much hated me for. He also got so confused at not being allowed in my lap or at the top of my bed for dust mite reasons. Because of that in January my previously fairly chill cat started routinely hissing at me, it all probably made him think me mean. He's allowed out now again and adapted to taking the new meds, being given tastier food as bribery to eat them. I think he's still confused and a bit sad but better than it had been.

So yeah, life has just been throwing so much damn crap at me and it feels like it never stops. I've had so many joys in my life taken away or much reduced by my ill health. Especially that gardening is so hard now, and crafts are getting harder as well since my eyesight got worse lately to go with joint pain affecting dexterity, and then good company or going places isn't feasible with both COVID cautiousness others have abandoned and my light sensitive migraines with sunlight or most lighting sources. Part of what still comforted me despite everything snowballing in the last few years was that I still had good food and drink to enjoy, only this latest load of health issues has stripped a lot of that away too now and I don't know if I will get it back or not. These last few months it's often been hard to see so little left in my life that I can take pleasure in. There's still writing and learning and TV/books/films/games, but so much time now is being taken up by the endless cycle of cleaning, tidying, washing, trying to research ways to improve things, and medical tasks. I just look forward to some point this year, I hope, when I've got the house and clothing situation under control, when there might be more time/energy for those few good things left.

[redwineconversation]

Australia - Ireland Postgame Thoughts

Blah blah not doing this for every game, I feel like I am going to DIE I am so tired so idk how those who are chronically online manage to do this on a daily basis, etc etc. Pls send Red Bull or Starbucks, I need it so badly.

I still don't think that Australia is going to win and I have reservations that they will go deep, but they won the first game at home in front of a pretty big crowd. It's not that I thought nerves would get to them, but I wasn't exactly sure how they would handle the nerves either, if that makes sense.

What I wasn't concerned about was them handling Ireland's physicality. It's interesting to me because I don't think that Australia is "physical" in the traditional footballing sense of the term, more that they are athletic. But because of the athleticism they were able to cope with McCabe's traditional definition of defending.

For me, McCabe is the ultimate "what if" player. She's good, she's talented, I like her left foot. I am more than happy to acknowledge all of that. But holy crap does she lack structure / self-control, and I wish she would find herself in a team where reckless fouls had consequences rather than be encouraged. One of these days McCabe is going to cause an extremely severe injury to another player. When it happens, Arsenal fans will hand wave it away, saying that McCabe is "not that kind of player" and that she "didn't mean it." (second part I will probably concede)

I don't think McCabe actually wants to severely injure another player. At least, I hope she doesn't want to. But I also think it's only a matter of time before she will, because these reckless tackles are done intentionally. It's done with the intent to foul, to show that neither she or her team will be bullied. I'm fine with a team wanting to prove they are top dog. I'm less fine with it if the only way to do it is dirty fouls.

Steph Catley is under-rated. Her penalty was really well taken, excluding the last 10 minutes or so she managed to keep her team's composure under control pretty well, and she didn't let the occasion overwhelm her. I'm rapidly developing a soft spot for her but only as long as she plays for Australia.

Vine and Cooney-Cross are two of the younger players I really, really like. I do think they will be snatched up by bigger European teams if not this summer then by the end of next season for sure. They're fun to watch in that they're, well, quiet, just keep their head down and do their job.

One day Carpenter will cross accurately and I will finally know peace. Her finishing is something that definitely needs work. The plus side is she is young and it will happen - especially because she is working on it at both club and national team level. It's nice knowing she has room to grow, it's frustrating that there are growing pains. Overall I don't think her game was much to write home about in that she too just did her job without having to do anything flashy. I'd rather not notice my defenders because if you do then it means something is going wrong. The heat mat shows her exactly where she should be - defending on the lower right side of the field. So I guess it's a give and take: yes I would rather her crosses weren't on a "lob it into the box and hope for the best" level, but she also was defending a fair amount this game, which is kind of her job.

There's a dig to be made about the McCabe - Littlejohn - Foord drama but realistically I don't think it impacted the outcome of the game that much so it is what it is I guess.

Obvious penalty, dumb act to concede it. Not sure why people were up in arms about it when Raso was already getting fouled probably more than anyone (is there an actual tally? I got that impression during the game but it was also 3am and I was regretting my life choices). Shoving someone in the back in the box will always result in a penalty, particularly when they end up going to ground because of it, so yeah. Not sure why there were complaints about it. Raso didn't even dive.

Finally, just want to say thank you for New Zealand for delivering on #UpsetsWelcome from the very first game. I'd say I don't think there should be any surprises in tomorrow's games but I'd also have put real money that we would never see Hegerberg questioning her life choices while ending up as Norway's LB, so I guess never say never.

[residentdormouse]

I Need Thirty-Six Vicodin and Five Segments with Chosen Words

I was having trouble coming up with an intro, so I went to the trail to think. Walking does after all give the illusion of the story moving forward. This shouldn’t have been hard. Sure House is infinitely more cranky, but still of the same ilk as Glen. Intelligent. Logical. And with an overwhelming amount of cynicism. Humanity is overrated and religion is the placebo of the masses. Put Glen’s mocking “You’re here for the same reason as the rest of us, Larry. Because the magic lady says it’s God’s will.” next to House’s “You talk to God, you’re religious; God talks to you, you’re psychotic.” and, well, just give me the Pam meme right now.

(Hell, the both of them even have questionable pain management.)

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just formulating comparisons based on the parallels I want to hear. I guess that’s fair. Or maybe not. If I wanted fair, I chose the wrong species. Regardless, I suppose I should cut this off before I start to drive through a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while putting away my phone because the parasites that I have, in fact, grown to love require something. There is no ‘I’ in team. There is a ‘me’ though if you jumble it up, and that’s who’s got to round up snacks.

My Words: Motorbike, Limp, Scar, House, Duck

Your Words: Book, Spell, Three, Witch, Magic

(volley to you, @mrsmungus)

Motorbike:

(No ‘motorbikes’, but I got plain ‘bikes’ and ‘motorcycles’.)

The bike definitely sped up the journey. He only took breaks when needed, stocked up when it was dire, and pushed himself more than he probably should. But he was making damn good time.

'Fuck…'

As he came up to the gap in the road, he cut the engine. Once the bike was secure, Harold hopped off to inspect the damage. He could take a detour, but that would set him back quite a while. And who knew how much time he really had.

But was it any longer than trekking the rest by foot? That's what she had done.

He didn't get much further in thought when he heard a voice. His voice. The last member of the group he'd want to run into first.

Stuart fucking Redman.

Limp:

"You really have to find the fun in life, Professor."

"Can't really say this is the type of fun I'm looking for."

A retort was in the works, but a new voice caused the both of them to pause any further dialog.

"Well then, I'd look into moving your ass!"

Before they could even fully turn, a crash echoed out behind them. Smashing into the nearby wall, one of the odd creatures fell limp on the floor. He had barely processed the change in their situation before Max had moved onto the next threat.

"Ain't the fucking movies guys!! Grab the popcorn and go!"

Scar:

“I never did get to show him.”

She wasn’t sure if Nick had caught the comment or not. Didn’t matter, it wasn’t said for him; the admission was something she needed to say for herself. To realize and come to terms with it by vocalization. One moment on a growing list of many things that would never happen in this life.

The concept of loss wasn’t new to her. Being around as long as she had, it was unavoidable. After a while, the ratio of emotional scar tissue to unadulterated hope turned for the worse, and she found herself becoming desensitized to most things in life. Or at least she though. There would always be things like this that happened, things that would remind her of the pain of being alive. Something to cut deep beyond the surface to hit nerves that somehow hadn’t died off centuries ago.

A few moments passed as she sat next to her sadness. Alongside a memory that would now only live in her imagination.

House:

Glen sat back and waited for the next response. Seconds turned to minutes. While he wanted to give her the chance to investigate and report back, the prolonged silence was now at a concerning level. Concerning pushing thoroughly alarming. "Hayden, tell me what's happening."

"There's light behind the bookshelf. The whole thing can move, but not with the book in place. If I can just knock it out, maybe…"

The static from the stereo was quiet, but in the otherwise silent house, it was recognized immediately. Glen turned quickly to the device, and felt his breath catch.

"Hayden, don't try t---"

Static jumped to a full blast, and Hayden cried out in pain. Her hands gripped the arms of the chair, and he was sure her nails dug the whole way through the fabric. Obscenities flew from his mouth as he scrambled over to her, one of his hands taking hers.

"Hayden, you have to wake up now!"

He gave her hand a squeeze, but she only cried out once more. Multiple cracks rang out over the static as the ceiling fan light bulbs burst like popcorn, glass shards raining down like confetti. Instinctively, Glen covered his head and then shook the shards off onto the floor. The blaring static was deafening, and the burst of the end table light bulbs were completely drowned out, as were the blown lights over the dining room table. Glen turned back to Hayden, and watched as a trickle of blood began to run down from her nose.

Duck:

As they both moved past the bar, she realized the walkway was more packed than she realized. Weaving through the group was not difficult for her, but Harold seemed to have a extra helping of awkward holding him back.

Where her movements were fluid, Harold’s had a stiffness to them. Sure, they were a similar breed, but where she moved with the elegance of predator, stealthily slinking from spot to spot, sly movements until she was ready to strike, Harold acted as a cornered animal pushed against a wall, fur standing on end ready to lash out at the nearest hand.

The further they got from the crowd, the more obvious their tailing became. Diving into a nook by the stand up freezer, ducking into a closet. It was all good until they reached the stairs to the basement.

A slow progression was made down to the bottom; she didn’t know how many times she had seen cover blown over a squeaky step. Creaking floorboards. Rookie moves.

But so was shouting out exclamations.

“Fuck me, Quinn! You’re sticking your dick in the goddamn queen bitch of the undead!”

[weabooweedwitch]

to that prior anon: what makes something a disability is how it impacts the life of the person who has it. for example, you use arthritis as an example of smth being "just a medical condition" but without medication that would cost more than $12k/month if I didn't have insurance, I am in constant pain and literally cannot walk or use my hands. my arthritis is disabling, while for others it's just constant low level pain and they may not consider it a disability.

please remember it's up to the person with the medical condition to determine if it disables them, and it varies person to person even with the same condition.

In their defense i think they were just asking a question because it is definitely like, a weird gray area? It honestly brings up a good discussion about, when do you you start calling something a disability, and how, I think, the broken health care system really, uh, falsely categorizes a lot of people based on what insurance is up to. Also different countries apparently have different guidelines, like for example my Canadian friend gets disability benefits literally just for being autistic despite being very "high functioning", putting that in quotes just because I know that can be kind of a controversial term.

But also, I'm so sorry you deal with that, I dont quite have arthritis but I can totally empathize wirh chronic physical pain 🥺 its actually horrifying reading the prices of some of these treatments sometimes and im really glad you have your medicine taken csre of. I often think about what would've happened to me if I hadn't been on state insurance when I was diagnosed with my equinus, I think it was literally like at least 5k per leg (i actually barely remember tbh, it couldve been higher or lower), which, I guess ultimately isn't a lot, but on my income and my moms income would have been so significant I would've felt actual guilt seeking treatment. Like, there was a legitimate possibility that the mere price could have kept me from... walking normally? And like my mom is 58 and she's been told she qualifies for knee replacements but she's literally scared of even getting them because of how long the recovery period can be and the financial loss and also just the price? So my mom could end up in legitimately worse health, although I guess that also has to do with like, America not having good workers rights where she could've taken off laid leave for surgery or something

It's that whole expression about "disability is defined by the environment" or something like that. Sort of like that whole controversy with Mr Beast where he paid for a bunch of people to get their sight or hearing back. Those people had treatable conditions and were stuck living in a way that negatively impacted their lives simply because they couldn't afford it? Like I can't even imagine not being able to use one of my five senses just because I couldn't afford it, but I know that's um already a reality for like, people who can't afford hearing aids and stuff like that

I think I'm starting to ramble here but like, I wish people had more sympathy for the disabled (and im talking about like society, not the last ask just to be clear, I feel like they were legitimately just curious). Like sometimes when you see people like violently hating the homeless, sometimes those people are literally people who got into horrible accidents or had some sort of injury and they wound up addicted to painkillers and had to turn to drugs when they can't afford prescription pain meds or those prescriptions get them addicted. I had a manager who was in a car accident and the painkillers made her eventually switch to straight up heroin. Even our disabled vets don't get good healthcare half the time

But yeah, as for me, I guess consider myself kind of straddling the line between disabled and able bodied, leaning more towards able bodied, but I can still have issues, like my knees are still kinda jacked up and even though i can stand and walk great now, stairs can be really tough sometimes, especially when I'm coming home from work and my body aches. and I still get pains in my back sometimes when I'm bending and leaning to the point I use a menthol roll-on gel for pain relief. Part of me kind of likes that I, I dunno, overcame the challenge and all that, but like, I think I would've preferred a body that didn't hurt lol 😅

[ayakamizu]

FFXIV Write 2024 Day 11 - Surrogate

Surrogate: Noun. A substitute. Characters: Estinien Wyrmblood, Krile Baldesion, Tataru Taru Expansion: Shadowbringers Rating: G Notes: I saw this as one of the definitions and immediately decided to take a stab at what the initial meeting between these three would've looked like when it came to asking Estinien for help. Estinien's POV. Has spoilers for 4.5 and the start of Shadowbringers!

It’s not every day that Estinien finds himself flanked by two Lalafell women—two specific Lalafell women, at that. He recognizes the pink haired one—Tataru, he thinks—immediately from her time in Ishgard, but the one in yellow was unknown to him. He could hazard a guess that she was an associate of the Scions given the pink one’s presence here and the brief glimpses he caught of her in Ala Mhigo with Alphinaud and Ayaka.

Despite the height difference, they made for a surprisingly fierce and confident pair. The look in their eyes was not to be trifled with and neither was the way they managed to hunt him down relentlessly.

“Can I help both of you?” he asked, eyeing the pair suspiciously. How they managed to find him this time, he wasn’t sure.

“Ser Estinien,” the yellow one started, holding her head up high. “My name is Krile Baldesion and it is imperative that I have a word with you.”

The gravity of her words didn’t bode well. “About what?” he asked tensely. Why would a Scion come looking for him unless— 

He thinks about Ayaka’s head clenched in pain before that false prince. The way that girl with her—the one that looked so much like Alphinaud—collapsed to the ground. “Did something happen?”

Tataru’s face crumpled for a moment. Krile clenched her fist, lips pursed.

“Perhaps it would be best if we spoke in private?” Krile suggested. “Tataru and I have an inn room rented here that would suffice well.”

“Very well,” he agreed, keeping his heart from leaping out of his chest.

_____________________________________

It goes like this.

The Scions were… pulled somewhere. Their bodies and souls separated in a manner that was unknown to even the most experienced healers. According to Ayaka, a robed figure who needed her help was the source of this affliction—though accidental from what he claimed. 

(“Ayaka relayed to us that he was only attempting to ‘Call’ her,” Krile explained, though she seemed far from pleased with it.

From his perch against the wall, Estinien raised one of his brows in disbelief. “Sounds like he has bad aim if he was targeting her.”)

Tataru, having been the last person to see Ayaka, said that she disappeared—completely and utterly—upon picking up some strange device. Much different from what the Scions experienced, but an unexpected boon in that regard. Krile, as Tataru continued, had her hands full enough with keeping the other Scions’ bodies healthy and intact for whenever their souls could return. Adding Ayaka to the mix would’ve required more help—and left them vulnerable.

“As far as we know, the Empire isn’t aware of the Warrior of Light’s absence entirely from our world,” Krile started, yellow robes bunched up in her fists. “As it stands, the Alliance is holding the frontline well. The Ascian wearing Zenos’ face is our only concern, but he has his hands full masquerading as the imperial prince.”

Estinien tapped a finger against his forearm in contemplation. “And this is where I come in?”

The two nodded, though one more enthusiastically than the other. “Yes! As it stands, the secondary members of our Order have their hands full with their own tasks,” Tataru said. “And none of them are very… combat oriented. At least not to the level of extent that Ayaka is.”

Now the picture was becoming clearer. “You need me to fight in her stead.”

It was more of a statement rather than a question, but it still begged an answer. “Yes,” Krile confirmed, sitting up straighter. “Both Alphinaud and Ayaka have spoken highly of your battle prowess. Ayaka, especially, considers you an equal in terms of sheer strength and—”

“I’m not exactly the Warrior of Light though,” he interrupted, praying the tips of his ears weren’t burning red. By the Fury, did those two really think that of him?

The blue of her eyes held a fire in them. “No one is,” Krile stated matter-of-factly. “But, by her own words, you are as strong as her.” The way she stared at him made him think she knew this herself rather than believe it through secondhand accounts.

“Please,” Tataru whispered, drawing his attention away from Krile’s gaze. “W-We can pay you! Just— Please, Ser Estinien, you’re the best person we have to ask this of.”

‘The only one, if Ayaka’s own words were to go by,’ he thought.

“Think it over,” Krile suggested instead, cutting through the tension in the room. She placed a linkpearl on the table between them, eyeing him expectantly. “You can contact us with this once you’ve come to a decision.”

“Alright then,” he said, knowing a dismissal when he heard one. He looked away from Tataru out of privacy, allowing her silent cries to go unnoticed. No doubt Krile would be better at comforting her than he would. “I’ll… give you an answer by tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Krile said, the tension leaving her shoulders by the barest amount.

He nodded once before turning towards the door, the linkpearl clenched in his fist as he closed the door behind him. 

A dire situation indeed. One he couldn’t rightfully ignore.

[mellowgoateeballoon]

 Understanding and Managing Chronic Diseases

Chronic diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes, and chronic respiratory conditions, are long-term health issues that require ongoing management. Unlike acute illnesses that appear suddenly and are resolved in a short period, chronic diseases develop slowly and can persist for years, affecting the quality of life and potentially leading to severe complications.

Understanding Chronic Diseases

Definition and Common Types: Chronic diseases are typically characterized by their duration and slow progression. Common chronic conditions include:

Cardiovascular Diseases: Including heart disease and stroke.

Diabetes: A metabolic disorder affecting blood sugar regulation.

Chronic Respiratory Diseases: Such as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and asthma.

Cancer: A group of diseases involving abnormal cell growth.

https://nursing-healthcare.universeconferences.com/virtual-registration/Arthritis: A disorder causing joint inflammation and pain.

Causes and Risk Factors: The development of chronic diseases is influenced by a combination of genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors. Key risk factors include:

Unhealthy Diet: High in sugars, salts, and fats.

Physical Inactivity: Lack of regular exercise.

Tobacco Use: Leading cause of many chronic diseases.

Excessive Alcohol Consumption: Increases the risk of several chronic conditions.

Environmental Exposures: Pollution and exposure to hazardous substances.

Managing Chronic Diseases

Effective management of chronic diseases involves a comprehensive approach that includes medical treatment, lifestyle modifications, and ongoing monitoring.

Medical Treatment:

Medications: Prescribed to manage symptoms and control disease progression. For example, insulin for diabetes or beta-blockers for heart disease.

Regular Check-Ups: Routine visits to healthcare providers for monitoring and adjustments to treatment plans.

Lifestyle Modifications:

Healthy Diet: Emphasize fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Limit processed foods, sugars, and saturated fats.

Regular Exercise: Engage in at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity per week, along with muscle-strengthening activities.

Quit Smoking: Seek support and resources to stop smoking, significantly reducing the risk of many chronic diseases.

Limit Alcohol: Consume alcohol in moderation, if at all.

Stress Management: Practice relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises.

Self-Monitoring and Education:

Track Health Metrics: Regularly monitor blood pressure, blood sugar levels, and other relevant health indicators.

Patient Education: Understand the condition, treatment options, and the importance of adherence to prescribed therapies.

Support Systems:

Healthcare Teams: Work with a multidisciplinary team including doctors, nurses, dietitians, and physical therapists.

Community Resources: Utilize support groups, community health programs, and educational workshops.

Conclusion

Managing chronic diseases requires a proactive and sustained effort involving medical treatment, lifestyle changes, and continuous education. By understanding the nature of these conditions and adopting a holistic approach to management, individuals can lead healthier, more fulfilling lives despite the challenges posed by chronic diseases. Regular consultations with healthcare providers, adherence to treatment plans, and lifestyle adjustments are key to effectively managing these long-term health issues.

[na-ta-sh-aa]

Wow, I'm speechless at how much this story destroys me more and more with each passing chapter and how at the same time it gets me more and more and every time I finish reading a chapter I can't wait for the next one to come out to see how continues. Your writing captures me every time, I love it. I found extremely interesting how many themes you covered and developed in this chapter.

“Happy Birthday!” Jensen cooed as he stood at your door with a plastic bag full of Chinese takeout containers full to the very brim. “I didn't know what you liked so I think I got one of everything.” You stood at the threshold of your home just staring at the man who was on your doorstep, who’d insisted on buying you dinner. When you had informed him of your three children, Jensen said he’d have it delivered.”

This gesture from Jensen was so sweet, I am so happy that in such a terrible moment she can at least count on the closeness and understanding of a friend like him.

“Are you sure he wouldn't care? Or have you just convinced yourself he wouldn't because it hurts less to believe he doesn't care than it does to believe he does?”

I think Jensen got the point exactly right.

“You’re not going be alone sweetheart.” Your mother answered rather cryptically. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “You’re not gonna be alone.” 

She definitely won't be alone and I think Jake won't leave her side for even a moment. My concern is how Honey will react when she sees Jake.

“Jake felt his heart in the back of his throat as he took the elevator up to the level the lady at the reception desk in the main lobby of the Rhode Island hospital had told him to go to. Oncology equals cancer, you had cancer, breast cancer, you had a stroke, strokes can kill you, cancer can kill you.”

This part struck me so much the way you wrote it. Because I think you managed to represent and convey the fear, anxiety, worry and discomfort that Jake was feeling the precise moment he set foot on the ward.

“Jake had thought about nothing else since he got on his flight, the idea that you were sick, that you were so sick you couldn't even tell him broke his heart more than you leaving him ever could. There was once a time where Jake thought you could tell him anything, that you were able to come to him with any problem you had or were facing.”

“He couldn't pinpoint exactly when you stopped telling him things, or more importantly when he’d stopped listening. Jake couldn't help but to blame himself for feeling like he’d somewhat put you into this situation where you felt like you couldn't rely on him to step up when you needed him to. You were sick and you needed support, he was supposed to be that support, but instead you kept him in the dark like he didn't deserve to know you were ill.”

This thought never ceases to break my heart. I think Jake took some things for granted, with the idea that he would never have to deal with the possibility of losing them. I think this situation he is facing is making him reflect on many things, I hope with all my heart that he can have the opportunity and the time to sort things out with Honey.

“And the second he got to the threshold of your hospital room, Jake Seresin forgot what it was like to be able to breathe on his own accord.”

This part gave me the impression that this was the moment Jake really had to come to terms with reality, I think he realized what his wife was going through the precise moment he saw her on the hospital bed. As if he had realized that unfortunately all this was real and not a bad dream from which he could simply wake up.

“Oh Honey.” He cooed as his bottom lip quivered, your Mother tried her best to remain a strong presence but at the sight of Jake crumbling under the weight of the idea he’d lose you twice over made her eyes water. “Oh my sweet girl.” 

I could feel his pain here😭

“Oh my boy it’s alright, she’s alive, she’s gonna be okay.” Your mother tried her best to soothe Jake's cries but she knew it was coming from a place of love and undeniable sadness. “Here, sit down, I’ll go get you a coffee and something to eat.” 

Honey's mother is so sweet, she really has incredible strength to see her daughter fighting for her life and being able to reassure and comfort Jake that everything will be okay.

“Jake took a seat next to your bedside and immediately reached out for your hand. He knew you were under and wouldn’t know he was there but he still brought your palm up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your hand.”

I think this was one of the gestures I loved the most. The fact that he took her hand seemed to me to be a gesture to make her feel his presence and his support, but also a way for him to feel closer to her and to still be able to experience the sensation of holding her hand.

“Or she thought I wouldn’t care.”

As I said before I think he is really understanding where he went wrong and probably also how much he made her suffer.

“his hands snakes around your waist to quickly drag you into the water where Jake needed you to be. With him, forever.”

Seeing them so happy together was so beautiful.

To say that I am loving every chapter of this series would be an understatement, there really are no words to describe how much I am appreciating and loving every detail, word and thought behind this story, it is truly wonderful. I loved how you showed two different episodes of their past together and how they were totally the opposite of each other. In the episode where you described their argument over the leaky faucet and subsequently her decision to leave, I think you perfectly demonstrated what Jake's biggest mistake was and the thing that made Honey suffer the most, which was the fact that he gave little importance to the things Honey asked of him and therefore little importance to her. Seeing how he is now slowly starting to understand where he went wrong and seeing how he is behaving is something I really like. Just as I really liked the little flashback to their honeymoon where you wrote about how good they were together and how different their relationship was, I found this contrast so impactful and well written. As usual, I am always fascinated by how you write about the complexity, development and growth of the various characters but above all by the character of Jake. This is truly wonderful and there are so many things that literally make me count the seconds for the next chapter💗✨

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Seven: [Faucet Failure]

Summary: Jake makes his way back to you after finding out the truth. While under sedation to give your brain some rest, you remember the good times and the bad with your husband.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4.6K

Author Note: These chapters keep getting more and more heartbreaking. I can’t even deal. Why did you guys let me do this to y’all?

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 22nd

The dim glow of your TV was the only thing in the house that was giving your home any sort of light. The kids had all gone down well, both Lucy and Lennox had swimming practice after school which meant that they were down and out for the count before you even got from their beds back to the door. Sam was easy to get to sleep, he always had been. He was just a naturally sleepy kid. 

The gentle knock against your front door startled you, but didn’t shock you. You knew exactly who it was. It was the same guy who'd given you a tissue to dry your tears, the same guy who sat beside you and kept you company during one of your lowest moments. It was the guy that had turned an overly depressing core memory into one that showed a little humanity, sympathy and understanding. 

“Happy Birthday!” Jensen cooed as he stood at your door with a plastic bag full of Chinese takeout containers full to the very brim. “I didn't know what you liked so I think I got one of everything.” You stood at the threshold of your home just staring at the man who was on your doorstep, who’d insisted on buying you dinner. When you had informed him of your three children, Jensen said he’d have it delivered.

But he didn't specify who’d be delivering it…..

“I hope you weren't expecting a tip.” You smiled as you let Jensen into your home, the unimaginable amount of scattered children's shoes made it look like you were raising a family of caterpillars, but Jensen didn't mind the mess. He understood, his sister had two little girls around about the same age as Lucy and Lennox. 

“But I brought you cheesecake as well?” Jensen smiled back at you in the darkness of the dimly lit hallway. “Can’t have a birthday without cake.” 

“I don't even remember the last time someone brought me any form of cake.” You sighed as you politely took the cheesecake in its cake box. Jensen frowned in response as he watched you hit the light switch in the hallway that led to the kitchen. 

“Didn't your husband ever buy you a birthday cake?” He called out as he followed you deeper into your humble abode. It was a simple question that carried far too much weight than you were ready to truly unpack. You'd told Jensen in one of your many conversations since you first met about how you and Jake were separated due to circumstances that weren’t fair to either one of you. Jensen never pressed for more information than you were willing to give. 

“He used to.” You shrugged. “I can't remember the year he stopped, hell–I can't really even pinpoint when he stopped caring but eventually he did and soon enough my birthday just became another day.” It was hard to admit, but Jensen made opening up about your marital struggles easy, you never really confided in anyone about any of it. He had a non-biased opinion. “But I loved Jake, I still do, at the time I guess I didn't care that I was getting a fraction of what I deserved because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.” The tears were there, they were ready to spill over your lower last line. But you never let them fall as Jensen sat down at your kitchen bench and opened up the bag of chinese food. “But it all got too much– or too little, I suppose.” 

“Have you told him about the cancer yet?” Jensen asked softly, he wasn't pressing, he was just asking. 

“I still dont think I’m going to–he probably wouldn't care, I mean he forgot my birthday.” Again you shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “I highly doubt he’d care about some cancer diagnosis.” 

“Are you sure he wouldn't care? Or have you just convinced yourself he wouldn't because it hurts less to believe he doesn't care than it does to believe he does?” When you answered Jensen's heart sank. He saw the tears in your eyes, the look of heartbreak that reflected from your very soul. The longingness in your expression. He saw right through the wall you tried so hard to protect yourself with. He saw it all. Which is why when your voice cracked and your support beams held together by caffeine and your need to keep a normal routine for your children in place, faltered, Jensen sighed. 

“It didn't take much convincing–”

“Y/n–”

“How was Chemo today?” You tried your best to change the subject as you grabbed some cutlery. The chair beside Jensen at your kitchen counter looked awfully comfortable. 

“Consider my follicles fried.” Jensen chuckled as you handed him a spoon. “Now don't change the subject, we’re talking about you and this husband of yours, who, I'm convinced, is a few screws short of a hardware store.” 

“Oh yeah? Why's that?” You weren't sure if you wanted to know, but what you did know was that Jake wasn’t here. He’d sent you a message earlier in the day but you were yet to respond. You felt that if you replied it would open a floodgate of vulnerability. But soon enough Jensens words had you in a freefall of wondering if it was truly over between you and Jake–

“Because I don't think anyone who's lucky enough to love you would ever put themselves in a position to lose you.” 

Or not. 

***~***~***~**~***~

“Look left for me?” Doctor Ignatii spoke as he shined his little pen light in your eyes. “And right?” You did as you were told although you just wanted to be left alone. “Count to five for me?” You almost rolled your eyes as Doctor Ignatii stepped away and walked closer to your feet. 

“One, two, three, four, five.” You slowly counted. “Do I get a gold star?” Doctor Ignatii didn’t take your foul attitude to heart, he dealt with people like you every day—over the years you tend to develop pretty thick skin. 

“Possibly, if you can wiggle your toes and touch your nose?” He asked through a smile as he began to feel your feet. “Wiggle please Mrs Seresin.” 

“This better not be my audition tape for the Madden Brothers Circus.” You didn’t mean to take your hostility out on the doctor who had saved your life, but there was a small part of you that wished he would have just let the blood clot do its damage. You did what you were told once more and wiggled your toes and touched your nose. “Look at me go.”

“Well—“ Doctor Ignatii chuckled to himself as he filled out your charts on his iPad. “You don’t seem to be showing any immediate deficits post surgery, I’d like to give your brain a chance to rest for another ten to twelve hours before we get you out of bed for a little bit of a walk.” You listened to what your doctor was saying as your mother came back into the room, you didn’t know it but Jake had just landed and was heading right over. 

“Does that mean I get more of these awesome drugs?” You asked playfully, your mother even swore you were flirting. Doctor Ignatii was very handsome with brown hair and dark skin. He smiled at your forwardness but nodded in response. He was also used to this. 

“We’ll give you another sedative to make sure you're able to rest, you’ll probably feel like you got hit by a bus when you wake up but it’ll give us a clearer indication if you’ll face any deficits going forward.” 

“You reckon breast cancer’s a deficit?” You couldn't stop thinking about the dream you had about Jake. it felt so real, like your own personal rolodex of memories was trying its best to show you the good times. For whatever reason that may be you had no idea, but, you really had to ground yourself in your own reality. Jake wasn't the Jake from your memories anymore, although you desperately wished he was. He was now the Jake who couldn't remember your birthday or to fill your Christmas stocking on Christmas. He was the guy who let you peel your own oranges after he’d done it for so many years. 

He was the guy who had fallen out of love with you. 

“I do, but your double mastectomy has been rescheduled for Christmas Eve. So what better way to wake up on Christmas morning knowing your chance of kicking cancer's ass just went up by thirty five percent?” It was your turn to smile at Doctor Ignatii as he ended the conversation about your cancer at that. “I’ll send in a nurse to admit the sedative, mum? She’ll be out for a minimum of ten hours while on the IV, you should take the time to get some rest too.” 

“Sure thing Doc.” Your mother answered as she watched him walk away. “Were you flirting with that man?” 

“No harm, he’s seen the inside of my brain, can’t get more intimate then that can you?” You were probably putting on a braver face then you felt but your mother could tell you were nervous about the sedative.. 

“I’ll stay with you for the entire time you're sleeping.” She cooed as she pushed your hair behind your hair. She noticed how stands fell almost with the gust of her fingertip. The chemo was killing your hair follicles. “You won’t be alone.” 

“Thanks.” Was all you said as Lydia came into your room ready to set your IV drop up. “I hope you’ve done this before, kid.” 

“Absolutely Mrs Seresin.” Lydia chuckled, she felt a lot better after a full eight hours of sleep. “I’ll just get this sorted and you’ll be good to go.” As Lydia set up your IV, you had just rough energy to send one message to a dear friend you thought should know about your current state. Your mother watched as you typed out a really quick message with one hand. 

You: “Had a stroke, in hospital, surgery rescheduled.” 

“Promise you’ll stay?” You asked your mum one more time as you saw her reading a text. A text from your ex husband telling her he was about twenty minutes away and running off the five hours of sleep he got before his world got flipped on its head. 

“You’re not going be alone sweetheart.” Your mother answered rather cryptically. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “You’re not gonna be alone.” 

***~***~***~**~***~

“I'm here.” Jake had taken the next flight back to Rhode Island that he could, he didn't have time to waste when it came to getting back to you. He was tired, emotionally exhausted from everything he had learnt of your condition and dishevelled beyond belief. He was sure someone threw a dollar down at him while he was sitting on the floor at the airport next to a charging port. He looked so distressed and dishevelled that someone thought he was homeless. 

He kept that dollar though. 

“Okay, ask the main reception to point you in the direction of oncology and we’re in room 306.” Your mother replied over the phone, Jake had called her about fifteen minutes after you had been administered your sedative. 

Jake felt his heart in the back of his throat as he took the elevator up to the level the lady at the reception desk in the main lobby of the Rhode Island hospital had told him to go to. Oncology equals cancer, you had cancer, breast cancer, you had a stroke, strokes can kill you, cancer can kill you. 

Jake had thought about nothing else since he got on his flight, the idea that you were sick, that you were so sick you couldn't even tell him broke his heart more than you leaving him ever could. There was once a time where Jake thought you could tell him anything, that you were able to come to him with any problem you had or were facing. 

He couldn't pinpoint exactly when you stopped telling him things, or more importantly when he’d stopped listening. Jake couldn't help but to blame himself for feeling like he’d somewhat put you into this situation where you felt like you couldn't rely on him to step up when you needed him to. You were sick and you needed support, he was supposed to be that support, but instead you kept him in the dark like he didn't deserve to know you were ill. 

Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but either way Jake was walking towards room 306 where your mother had told him to go. He brought his duffel with him, Jake made no plans to leave your bedside for the duration of your stay. However long that may be, he was gonna be by your side. 

And the second he got to the threshold of your hospital room, Jake Seresin forgot what it was like to be able to breathe on his own accord. 

“Oh Honey.” He cooed as his bottom lip quivered, your Mother tried her best to remain a strong presence but at the sight of Jake crumbling under the weight of the idea he’d lose you twice over made her eyes water. “Oh my sweet girl.” 

***~***~***~**~***~

“Jake!” You shouted out throughout the house as Lucy and Lenny watched over baby Sam as they ate lunch in the living room.“Jake!” 

“What?” Jake called back to you from the back deck where he was busy doing absolutely nothing but enjoying a beer with his feet up and his sunglasses on. He just needed twenty minutes. Sam had been a handful today and ever since Jake got home he’d wanted nothing more than to use his body as a jungle gym. 

“The faucet in the ensuite won’t stop leaking, can you please tighten it before you get too comfortable.” You asked as politely as you could with a soft smile. 

“Sure, yeah I’ll put it on the list.” Jake shrugged your request off like it was nothing but another chore you were commanding him to do. When Jake didn’t budge, you crossed your arms over your chest and pressed the issue further. 

“It’s just that I’m trying to work on my new book and I can’t concentrate with the dripping.” You were in the middle of your latest project. A new book proposal your editors were waiting on. 

“I said I’d get to it Hon, just—why don’t you try writing somewhere else besides your desk? Or better yet, shut the ensuite door?” Jake couldn’t see the rage burning in your eyes when he told you to basically deal with it until he could be arsed to get up. 

“Jake please?” You begged, it wasn’t the first time you’d asked Jake to fix the leaky faucet but it would be the last. It was one the few final straws that broke your back before you decided enough was enough and you couldn’t stay in your marriage any longer. “I need you to do this one thing for me so I can work in peace.” 

“If it’s so important that it needs to be fixed right this second Hon just fix it yourself?” Jake argued back as he took a sip of his beer, it had been a long week for him and he needed a moment to relax. “You know how to fix a leak.” 

“I already tried!” You shouted back loud enough to finally have Jake taking his glasses off to look at you properly. “I’m trying to work, I’ve had the kids all week and I need to get these last few chapters done before next Friday and you go back to work on Monday.” You saw the look Jake gave you, one of annoyance and frustration, like you were some kind of parasite trying to ruin his day off to relax and enjoy some rest and rejuvenation before Monday rolled around again. 

“Honey if you let me sit here for twenty minutes I will fix the fucking leak for you.” He tried to hide his disdain but you could read it through the lines on his face. “I’m not sure why you can’t just write somewhere where you can’t fucking hear it but I’ll fix it the minute I’m done drinking my beer.” 

“Alright.” You pressed your lips together and tried not to let your anger boil over. “Alright I can live with that.”

“Hallelujah, she can live with compromise.” Jake sassed as he took another sip of his beer. You chose not to respond as you headed back inside the home you both shared with a feeling of under appreciated value looming over your head. What did Jake mean by compromise? You did so much and more for him, why was it such an issue that you’d asked him to fix a faucet. 

He never did get around to fixing it like he said he would. Twenty minutes turned to two hours, which turned to two days, months and eventually It was only when the both of you decided to sell the property when you said you were leaving, that he noticed the leak was never fixed. 

You never did finish that draft, the book that remained unpublished and half finished. You kept the google doc on your laptop and sometimes you thought about picking the project back up. But you never did, you never had time to, not while you were on the cusp of divorce and raising three children all on your own. 

“I uh—I fixed the faucet.” Jake sheepishly told you as he made his way into the kitchen to see you packing plates and bowls and cutlery into moving boxes. 

“The faucet I asked you to fix back in October?” You replied harshly while trying not to look at the man who forgot where you should have been on his priority list. “Glad I compromised on that one for this long.” You hissed, it had only been four days since you told Jake you were leaving, that you were moving back into your mothers place with the kids until you found somewhere to live. 

“Honey—“ 

“Please don’t call me that.” You asked rather simply as Jake's heart broke before you. He was losing his wife, his kids and didn’t know how to fix what he’d unintentionally broken. 

“Don’t go, we can fix this, I don’t want you to go.” 

“Well unfortunately this isn’t about you Jake.” You tried to keep your voice down so that you wouldn’t alert the kids to your argument. If there was one thing you weren’t going to do it was fight in front of your children and subject them to that environment. “Tell me, it’s January right now isn’t it?”

“Yeah?” Jake wasn’t sure what you were getting at as he watched you pack the boxes of things you were taking with you. 

“When’s my birthday?” You asked like he should have known that answer off the top of his head, because he should have and he did. 

“Novem—oh fuck Y/n no hold on a minute.” Jake couldn’t find the words he wanted to say at that moment, how could he forget your birthday? He missed it entirely and you said not a single thing about it. 

“My stocking was the only one empty at Christmas, not a single present under the tree was mine, you know why that is? It’s because for four years I’ve brought my own damn presents and gotten my own fucking birthdays cake, you don’t give a shit about fixing a goddamn fosset so I can focus on work let alone the little things.” You hissed before you tried to calm yourself down and get back to packing. Jake just stood there speechless looking like he hadn’t slept a wink in days. He hadn’t, not since you told him you were done and that you needed a break. 

“I can fix this, please.” Jake was begging you to stay, he didn’t want to lose the one person who meant more to him than life itself. “Just don’t leave me.” 

“There isn’t enough room for me in your life Jake, and instead of being selfish and trying to change you I’d rather let you go to be yourself. People change.” You shrugged. Staying now would have killed you, Jake felt you slipping through his fingers in real time as he watched you wrap up the mugs you were taking in old newspaper. “I sure never thought the man I married would change into someone I don’t even know.” 

***~***~***~**~***~

Jake was at a loss for words when he stepped into your hospital room. The Christmas lights that shimmered around the room were a stark contrast to the plethora of machines that were scattered around your bedside.

“I thought since she’s sleeping the blinds should be shut.” Jake could just barely make out what your mother had told him as she rose to greet him with open arms. He couldn’t peel his eyes off you for even a second as the woman who had become his second mother took him in a warm loving embrace. “She’ll be out for a while sweetheart, they gave her a sedative to help her brain rest.” 

“How long?” Jake asked as he held your mother tight. 

“About ten—maybe twelve hours, she only just started the drip.” 

“Oh—okay, yeah no that.” Jake tried to hold himself together but the damn was breaking. “That’s probably for the b-bet—oh god.” Jake Seresin had never felt his entire body crumbled into someone the way he felt his body crumble into your mothers arms. 

“Oh my boy it’s alright, she’s alive, she’s gonna be okay.” Your mother tried her best to soothe Jake's cries but she knew it was coming from a place of love and undeniable sadness. “Here, sit down, I’ll go get you a coffee and something to eat.” 

Jake took a seat next to your bedside and immediately reached out for your hand. He knew you were under and wouldn’t know he was there but he still brought your palm up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your hand. 

“Oh Honey I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” He sobbed quietly as your mother stood behind him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.” 

“She hasn’t told anyone but me Jake, not her friends or her brother.” It was hard to process the sight before him, the love of Jake's life surrounded by machines, hooked by cords and wires and monitors that told him although your eyes were closed you were in fact, alive. “I don’t think she wanted you to know because she’s just so scared despite how she might put on a brave face.” 

“Or she thought I wouldn’t care.” Jake mumbled as he reached out to make sure your hair was resting behind your ear, part of your head had been shaved from surgery, but Jake never expected the hair he tried to move back behind your ear to fall out at his touch. “Oh my god—“

“She’s been on oral chemotherapy since her biopsy came back cancerous, she needed you to take the kids so she could start more aggressive IV chemo.” 

“Her hair’s already falling out?” Jake had never felt this way before, so rendered powerless. He’d taken a life before and saved many, but watching you right now was the most powerless he’d ever felt. Jake caught the sight of your phone flashing with a new message with a name he didn't recognise. There was no time to ask you about the message he saw, but jake knew maybe, just maybe, you had lied when you told him there was no other guy. 

Jensen: “Oh shit, I'll swing by once I'm out of the woods.”

“Aggressive cancer needs aggressive treatment sweetheart.” Your mother leaned in to kiss the top of Jake's head. “I’ll be back, coffee and a sandwich will do you good.” 

“Thanks Maz.” Jake sighed as he kept your hand up near his mouth as he leaned his elbows on the side of your bed. “Oh Honey, Honey, Honey—what have we become?”

***~***~***~***~***~***

Your honeymoon was the most beautiful trip you’d ever gone on. Jake Seresin was very much a summer man. He loved when the sun was shining and the water was cool and the beers were as refreshing as they ever could be. 

The resort in Bali that the two of you were staying at for the entire two weeks was nothing but picturesque with stunningly gorgeous gardens and extraordinary architecture. The pool you were sitting on the edge of was just one of the many pools that you and Jake had yet to visit. He stood on the ledge of the rock waterfall and smiled ear to ear. 

“I’m not resuscitating you when you slip and hit your head!” You called out through a beaming smile. 

“Reckon I could clear a backflip?” Jake asked childishly as he climbed to the very top. His abs looked far too perfect to be real as he stood tall and flexed just for you, his wife. 

“Jake Seresin, don't you dare!” You warned as you looked over your sunglasses at your childish husband. He was everything any more, how you got so lucky you'd never understand. The two of you had decided on a small elopement style wedding that saw only a handful of your closest family members in attendance. The both of you saw no need for over the top extremities and thoughts of dollars spent on a single night. You thought why not use the money on a holiday getaway, your dream honeymoon. After Rodney had gone on his happiness never ends tangent, Jake wished the two of you had just gone down to town hall. 

“Live a little Mrs Seresin!” Jake shouted as he took the leap of faith and backflipped off the very top of the man made rock waterfall that cascaded down into the crystal clear pool. The two of you were the only guests in sight which you were so thankful for when Jake came belly flopping down into the water with a crisp slap. 

“Oh!” You cringed hard as your husband hit the water. “That's gotta hurt the ego buddy.” You giggled as you watched Jake swim under the water closer to the edge where you sat just relaxing in the smallest bikini known to mankind. “Jake?” You asked as he crept closer and closer under the water. Your eyes never left his swimming silhouette until he was jumping up right in front of you to rest his elbows on the edge of the pool right in front of you. 

“My execution was a little off.” He grinned as you leaned in to give him a kiss. Unbeknownst to you though as your lips pressed against your husbands, his hands snakes around your waist to quickly drag you into the water where Jake needed you to be. With him, forever. 

“JAKE!” You shouted as you fell into the pool. Jake couldn't contain his laughter. Thank god he remembered you knew how to swim. 

“Yes Honey?” He cooed as you resurfaced with a gasp. 

“You’re a child!” 

“Uh no–I'm not.” Jake made sure to correct you as he pulled you closer under the water. His hand explored your ass as he wrapped your legs around his waist and held you up against him. You could feel his hard on pressing against your core, it wouldn't take much at all for him to slip out of his trunks and into you if he wanted to. 

“But if you want I can show you how they're made?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

[massageinbardon]

Remedial Massage: A Few Large Benefits For You

remedial massage in paddington qld

There are many of different methods of massage therapy. When you try your local phone e-book I bet you will see massage advertisements which use remedial massage, athletic massage, deep tissues massage, Thai, popular stone, relaxation, plus the list goes on.

remedial massage in paddington qld

Unanticipated to most people, despite the fact they categorize each and every technique into numerous slots. I insert remedial massage for being an umbrella term for many of us of these techniques. Remedial means that the skills the therapist takes advantage of can remedy has a muscle physique and physical difficulties in the body. With the approaches they use they are change or employ a positive therapeutic effects on the body.

So restorative massage styles like deeply tissue and activities are also remedial, when they can bring about change within the body's muscular together with structural system. Definitely some massage solutions such as relaxation and hot stone are actually not part of remedial massage, though they've been still therapeutic using a relaxing level.

Remedial massage can:

Tremendously relieve muscular pains and aches It doesn't matter if it's some sort of aching neck, provide, knee or shoe, most general drama are caused by restricted, contracted muscles. Usually it may feel like you may have something more threatening going on, but muscular tissue can cause a variety of signs from sharp problems to a dull hurt. Massage helps to separate the tight hired muscles; therefore ones pain is taken away.

Help fix persistent pain problems and also at least greatly reduce your painful symptoms Many men and women think they have to are living with their chronic ache problems. But using worked with numerous customers with chronic complications, I am here to see you this is completely untrue. Chronic troubles come as a result of chronically tight and caught muscles. The problems have got progressed one action beyond a general pain and pain to provide a variety of muscles which might be compensating and inflicting nerve irritation and additionally inflammation, usually within the joints. Once ones own remedial massage psychologist corrects these bulging compensations, your body is normally brought back to normal your chronic pain miraculously disappears. Or certainly your painful indications will be vastly lower and manageable.

Produce deep muscular relieve from the build up associated with stress and increase relaxation Although pressure is an emotional a reaction to environmental stimulation, stress and anxiety has a huge impact on the body especially over the muscles. Have you ever observed when you are stressed that you could be hold your neck very stiff? Or simply you notice that your guitar's neck feels tight? And sometimes you feel more tired? This is because your muscles deal and tighten if you end up stressed. So you can benefit from remedial massage to obtain a really thorough generate of all your muscles which will instantly showcase relaxation and pleasant.

Improve flexibility in addition to mobility Remedial rub down is great for elderly people that can help improve their flexibleness and mobility. Nonetheless it's not only old individuals who need help with becoming their body heading better, it relates to young and middle-aged people as well. The human body's mobility and ability naturally declines, even as get older. And mainly because that most of us never do enough physical exercise, our bodies will become hard. Remedial massage will allow keep your body relocating and functioning so that you can its optimum power, with mobility along with flexibility being a couple very important factors to consider.

These are definitely just four incredible things remedial therapeutic massage can do for you. These have so many great rewards that I simply cannot list them all in this case. But I hope you will notice what great valuation it can provide to the life by using it to be a treatment method with your soreness or problems. Or maybe to keep your body going and making you believe better all round.

[snailss-fmp]

MEDIA EXPERIMENTATION CONT.

ACRYLIC

Acylic is an absolute pain purely due to how messy it is. I managed to block in colour and go over details in pen, but on such a small scale it definitely isn't something I plan to continue with beyond more decorative page backings.

PASTEL

How people make pastel look nice I'll never understand- An attempt, at least! I tried to get some shading in, as well as pops of colour but overall the results were pretty poor- an attempt, non the less.

INK

Ink falls under a more watery version of Acrylics in terms of applicability. It lacks the flexibility and is far more difficult to not dilute or mix when aiming for specific colours- a bit too messy and unpredictable.

FABRIC COLLAGE

Fabric collage is something I really wanted to attempt, but ultimately had poor results. Attempting to drape fabric on such a small level with glue just doesn’t work, and while I should of planned it out a bit more the results are overall disappointing.