#it's crazy to think how much i've changed
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Interview
CWs: references to noncon, violence
1. Would you rather - Rope or Chains?
R: Rope.
W: Chains, dear god, chains any day. Ropes fucking burn.
2. If Whumpee had multiple Whumpers, who is their favourite? For Whumpers, which Whumpee was your favourite?
R: Yeah, I’ve got a favorite. A couple years back I had a Whumpee who fought me at every turn. He'd throw his food at me, cuss me out, and try to attack me. One time he scratched absolute shit outta my arms. Anyways, I got tired of his shitty attitude and decided to kill him. I didn't keep it a secret, I told him he was gonna die. But when I went in to do it, he changed completely. No more screaming, no spark in his eye. He got quiet. Heh, he got all lovey dovey with me even. You know, lots of people say they’ll do anything if only you’ll spare their life. I never did cash in on that promise, but on this Whumpee, I put it to the fucking test. Heh. He let me do whatever I wanted to him. Depraved, horrible things, that would make the most degenerate man blush. Heh, and even though he was crying through most of it, he still pretended to like everything I did to him. And god. You should’ve seen his eyes when I told him I was still gonna kill him. That look. I think about it still.
W: I can’t. glances over at Whumper. Next question please.
3: In your opinion, what is the best way to train a pet?
R: Humans are fickle fucking beasts. You have to break down someone’s pride in order to train them. I start off with food deprivation, that usually helps me gauge what kind of fight I’m in for.
W: Positive reinforcement has always worked for me… I’ve only ever had a pet bearded dragon though.
4: Broken ribs or bullet wound?
R: Both.
W: These questions are uncomfortable to answer. But, uh, bullet wound I guess. Assuming it didn’t graze any organs.
5: Preferred type of gag?
R: I like a fabric gag. Or a simple piece of duct tape. Sometimes they come off and I get to squeeze a little scream out of Whumpee, and then I put a fresh one right back on. I kinda like the cycle of it.
W: I don’t have a preference… none? I guess the metal bit one isn't the worst of them. It hurts my teeth but at least I can still kinda breathe.
6: Burned or stabbed?
R: Stabbed.
W: Stabbed, I guess?
7: Favourite stress position?
R: An old-fashioned hogtie. I guess I’m unimaginative but I don’t get too crazy into the BDSM shit. Who has the patience for that?
W: Uhh.. just, handcuffs behind my back. Something relatively comfortable.
8: Have you given or received any Brands? What do they signify?
R: Heh. No. Never been branded. I certainly have had my fun branding Whumpee though.
W: I… have two… Uhm. One on my chest that, thank Christ, is almost all the way healed. It said, uh, swine. The other one is on my back, it’s a lot worse. I don’t know what it says but I can feel it so it’s um, it’s here to stay, I guess.
R: It says Nice Try. Remember?
W: Not really.
R: From your second half-hearted escape attempt. Didn't realize you forgot. But I did hit you pretty fucking hard that night.
9: Broken arm or broken leg?
R: Leg.
W: Arm. A million times, arm.
10: How did you get here? Why are you the way that you are?
R: I live here. Far as I know, I’ve always been 'like this'-- whatever the hell that means. And I don’t see a problem with it. We’re all free to do as we like, so that’s what I fucking do.
W: I dunno. I, I was outside, it was dark and I think it was raining…yeah… heading home from the bar. I didn’t drink that much. I didn’t live that far, either, so the rain wasn’t a problem. I remember falling down and then… I woke up here. And I’ve been here ever since.
11: What is your biggest regret?
R: I wish this Whumpee could’ve learned a thing or two from my defiant Whumpee in the second question you asked. I wanna get my dick sucked like that every fucking night.
W: Regrets... yeah, I've got a few. One stands out. It was late at night, Whumper didn't tie me up. I snuck out of my cell and I made it to the steps. Almost to the top, nearly all the way out. The door was unlocked and cracked open a little, I thought I could make a run for it and—
R: —I was waiting for you at the top. Heh. I wanted to see if you'd run, and you sure tried to. Not so much after that, though.
12: Is there a line you won’t cross? For Whumpee, what do you most fear Whumper might do?
R: A line I wouldn’t cross? Uhhh…. No. No, I don’t think so. I’ll cross any fucking line. turns to Whumpee, grinning. So what are you afraid of, Whumpee?
W: I, um. Does he really have to be here when I answer these questions?
R: Tell them, Whumpee.
W: Can I whisper it to you? (he’s already done so much to me, so fucking much… it’s dumb but I don’t want him to shave my head.)
R: smirks. You know I heard that.
13: What lessons have you taken away from your experience?
R: Everything has been the same old, same old for me. Guess this Whumpee’s lasted longer than the rest of ‘em. He’s coming up on a year soon. Kind of impressive he’s stuck around this long and hasn’t given me a reason to kill him yet.
W: I don’t know. I do what I’m told so I can eat. I take it day by day. I guess the lesson I’ve learned is that abandoning pride is the only way to survive…
14: Whip or cane?
R: Whip.
W: Yeah. Whip.
R: Didn’t expect you to say that. Noted.
15: Drugged or coherent?
R: Depends on the situation. Drugging them is useful for transport but I don’t much like it when they’re too dazed to understand what’s happening. Sometimes they fall asleep, too.
W: Drug me any fucking day. I don’t care. I’ll take whatever you have.
16: What are your true, honest feelings about each other? Is there some part of you that cares for the other at all?
R: Sometimes I like to touch him. He’s warm and it’s funny when he tries to squirm away. Plus I like it when he begs me to stop. But do I care about him? …eh. Sure, sorta. He’s my plaything.
W: Erm. Thanks, I guess. For me… Whumper is the reason I’m here. I guess I’m appreciative for the food… but he does hurt me. A lot. Constantly.
R: You're very welcome.
17: What is your favourite thing about the other? A personality trait, a physical feature, anything
R: He’s got pretty hair. A kind of pretty face, too. Yeah, almost like a girl. Heh. And he makes good sounds when he’s screaming.
W: Ah. Fuck. I really don’t know how to answer this…
R: Come on. What’s your favorite part?
W: Um. Well, I'll say this: Whumper is smart. Scary smart. I don’t think anyone would ever imagine how smart. I don’t know. I don’t. It’s… terrifying.
18: Do you have relationships outside of each other? Friends, family - if yes, do they know about Whumpee? Do they care?
R: Yes, yes, and no.
W: I have a half sister in, uh, Arkansas. We’re not close, obviously… used to have friends I guess, but it’s been a long time since I saw them…
19: What other hobbies do/did you have?
R: Video games.
W: I used to play saxophone. A lifetime ago.
20: For Whumper, is there any chance you’ll let Whumpee go? For Whumpee, have you ever thought about life after you’re free?
R: No. Sorry. Realistically, it doesn’t make sense to ‘let him go.’
W: I, uh, I used to think about it. I don't anymore… like he said.. realistically it doesn’t make any sense.
R: Mm. Good answer, Whumpee.
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this interview uses the questions from Character Ask Game post by @inhurtandincomfort !! thanks homie!
((more Whump))
#whumpblr#whump writing#whump#whump interview#idk lol this was a fun exercise in writing#cw: noncon#whump drabble
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i would LOVE to hear you talk about music in your dr, music, art, writing/poetry, etc, is one of THE main reasons i'm shifting, and i never see anyone talk about it
I also never see anyone talking about this, and it is such a big part of shifting that I have grown to love so much :,) music and media really holds us together, no matter where we are! here is my best explanation of the music in my weasley reality!
𝒲izarding ℳusic !
TO START, I have noticed that the music and the bands that are popular have a lot of scattered influence from many eras and genres. it is still popular to hear songs on the WWN with lots of classic jazz influence, and then the next song will be a witchy synth anthem inspired by muggle technology and the pop culture of the 80s--- THE RANGE IS CRAZY!
for example: in my Weasley reality, Celestina Warbeck is arguably the most popular and well listened to musician of the century, and she really paved the way for wizarding artists changing their styles and taking influence from muggle music. she had many different eras, ranging from jazz to pop to surprisingly.. witchy rock!
even in her old age (I think she is around 80 years old?), she has still released singles that push different styles and experiment with the ever changing world of music. although, some people really dislike her music simply because it is played so much.
(I remember once I was talking to my mom about her when we saw a live Celestina rendition at the Harry Potter theme park, and my mom said she sounded like the wizarding world version of Taylor Swift. IT IS SO TRUE THOUGH, because she even has a dedicated fanbase that call themselves the Banshees. crazy!)
Another very cool thing about music in the wizarding world is charmed music.
as in this reality, music has evident "energy" that can make you feel a whole range of emotions... but for musicians with magic, that can take on a whole different meaning! it is almost like subliminal messaging, but songs can be "enchanted" with spells through lyrics or have sounds and choruses that are intended to put you in a trance.
this is really common with wizarding party music! I mentioned it in another post, but one of my all time favorite songs is "Man of Midnight" by Celestina Warbeck... the song is known for being bewitching, even if it does not sound fully like a "party song". I have no idea how to describe it, but when I listen to the song I feel like the most powerful person alive? I always tell Fred that it is a siren song.. and that is honestly the closest I can describe it. He just says it makes him alive with motivation and that is why we listen to it at least once when we do work together !
Another form of charmed music is sports chants. a common theme with these chants is their appearance throughout wizarding history, often carrying ancient and intense emotion within their words.
I have only experienced this one time, and it was at the League Cup (Kestrels V Harpies). When the Kestrels were ahead, one of the Irish bands that played in the fairgrounds started singing an old Irish song that originated from the game of Aingingein. even though the game is not played anymore, everyone knows the song. it is almost like a representation of Irish pride?
so when the whole charged up crowd started chanting, it felt like there was ancient and intense game spirit coursing through the stadium. I wasn't even rooting for the Kestrels, but damn I felt like standing on my seat and declaring that I would die for Ireland or something 😭 i've never in my ENTIRE life felt so spiritual about the opposing team, and within a minute of the stadium chanting!
Something else I find very very cool about wizarding music in my desired reality is how music is distributed.
they regularly use common things like vinyls and the radio, and magical concerts happen very often.. but something I didn't expect were lyrical signatures.
these are a weird invention. as the name suggests, these musical souvenirs are similar to a signature of pages in a book... however, they are also very similar to singing birthday cards.
many wizarding bands will sell these mini booklets that showcase a song (or songs) on their pages, and when you open the booklet or flip to a certain page, the song will play. it is seriously the most genius thing ever!
many of these booklets are formatted like a CD, with the album cover being on the front, the first page talking about the album and the band accomplishments of the year, and the next pages each showcasing songs from the collection. it is also very common to have the lyrics on the left side, with song information and sometimes a themed image on the right side.
I had NO idea these would be so popular in my DR. they are given as gifts, mailed to relatives and friends who may not have access to them around the world, and even collected! it is seriously like the wizarding CD. Bill has this epic collection of signatures that he has alphabetized and organized by genre, and he even had a custom box with slots to store them. he's the coolest brother!!
this form of music is so fun.. you can just open up to the song you like and place it open on table, or you can charm it to flip from beginning to end to enjoy the whole album. definitely the most unexpected yet coolest thing that I have discovered while shifting!!
i'll probably make a pt. 2 of my favorite magical bands and musicians, as I have so much I could say and I think they deserve their own section! thank you if you have read this far, and I really appreciate how kind you all were in my absence :,)
good luck shifting everyone!!
#reality shifting#harry potter shifting#shiftblr#shifting#wizarding world#hogwarts shifting#shifting community#desired reality#shifting realities#shifting blog#shifting to hogwarts
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𝒊 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚.
pairings. scaramouche x fem reader synopsis. scaramouche swore to himself to protect you from dottore, but in order to do so, he must abandon you. before he leaves though, he makes sure to put a smile on your face. genre/warnings. pure angst, written in scara's pov, reader is energetic and childish, she/her pronouns used for reader, mentions of blood, stabbing, and death wc. 1.1k a/n. i actually shed a tear while writing this and listening to summertime sadness. playlist. die first - nessa barrett, summertime sadness - lana del rey, train wreck - james arthur
[2:39pm]
today is y/n's birthday.
i can see her in the near distance, skipping around like an excited little kid. she's always had too much energy for me to bear, but perhaps i've grown used to it, seeing that she's always glued to my side for some reason unknown to me.
that bliss however, will change today. dottore knows about where she's from. a planet far from the depths of teyvat. a globe dominated solely by the human race with no room for elemental power. a planet currently known as earth.
very little is known about this planet, which only causes dottore's interest to peak. her origin makes her the perfect test subject for the doctor, but i will not let him lay a dirty fingernail on her.
we cannot continue to travel as one; dottore will find her if she's with me. i don't have any cards left to play.
i do worry that leaving her alone would put her in another danger. she carries no vision, nor any strength that could compare to the creatures of teyvat. however, nothing is more dangerous than becoming an experiment of the second fatui harbinger. on the inside i know she'll be okay. she can find-
she can find my replacement. a new companion.
my only option is to watch over her from the shadows. that is the only way i can protect her.
sometimes i can tell that i hurt her feelings when we converse. but my personality is something i can't change, and she's never seemed to want change from me. perhaps that's why i've enjoyed her company more than i could ever enjoy another human being's. she understands me more than i think she does.
since i made her cry on her last birthday, i've decided that i could attempt to make her smile this time around. in my defense though, the cookies she made for us to share together were truly detrimental. but... maybe my words were too harsh. i forget what i said exactly... "you wanna poison me? are you so dumb as to have forgotten that i'm not human?"
my eyes trail back to ms. craziness and my eyes widen when she trips over a tree branch. i actually have no idea how i've been traveling together with a girl who has two left legs without dying. i don't notice the tears streaming from my eyes until she looks my way and spots me.
she runs over to me, and i quickly wipe the useless, hot tears. when i see her happy expression, i need to make an effort not to let the guilt eat me alive. i think i've admitted it to myself a while ago, but i love y/n. i'd presumed just as everyone else that i'm a puppet incapable of anything close to love, but if what i feel for y/n isn't love then i'm not sure what it is. i am positive that it is love. when you experience pain, you don't doubt it and assume it's something else. you just feel. and when i'm with her i feel.
"SCARA!" y/n exclaims as she topples me over in a hug. i nearly fall to the ground, but i'm able to catch us before it's too late. gosh, can she even contain her energy for two rational seconds?
i shove her off of me, but before i can say anything, she excitedly holds up a compass-like trinket in my face. "look! a sweet young boy gave me this lovely compass! it's supposed to lead you to wherever you'll be the happiest! and~ it led me right to you! we are just the perfect little duo, aren't we scara?"
i scoff, "and you believe that? it led you towards me because i'm standing north from where you were earlier."
y/n's excited expression drops.
"oh..." she pouts. "well... we can still pretend, right?"
pretend. maybe i can pretend she'll always be with me.
"pretending won't get you anywhere in life," i respond flatly.
"oh, but you pretend all the time," she responds. "i know you sometimes pretend that you can't hear me when i ramble about random things. although it hurts my feelings, you're still my best friend, scara."
what she said is actually not true. i in fact remember everything she rambles about in great detail. like that one time she was complaining about how she hates her hair because the wind blows it in an unattractive way. it was just so annoying because she needs to set her priorities straight. her appearance should be the last of her worries.
"give me your hand," i say. my voice is softer than i intended it to be. when she extends her hand, i slip a diamond bracelet around her wrist. on it is a charm with her nickname for me engraved in the center: scara.
please don't forget about me.
"oh, scara... it's beautiful! I'll never take it off. i promise."
"i have a matching one," i respond as i hold up my wrist for her the see.
she smiles when she sees the nickname engraved on my bracelet: princess.
there it is. her smile.
i sigh. "human, i know that you have your other shenanigans to deal with today, as do i. but meet me up that hill in the forest at sunset."
"oh, okay? scara, why are you being extra nice today?"
"um," i attempt a half smile. "it's your birthday, isn't it?"
[6:03pm]
i pick up the sword from the wet grass of the forest mountain beneath me. it's raining hard tonight. y/n is going to catch a cold, and i won't be there to care.
i walk over to the puppet standing across from me. my puppet. the puppet i've created to fake my own death. isn't it funny? the puppet of a puppet. both abandoned by their creators.
i take my bracelet off and slip it on its wrist. she has to believe it's me.
"i'm sorry," i whisper before stabbing my clone in the chest. i close my eyes when i hear my own voice cry out in a short-lived pain. it falls to the ground, lifeless as i walk away into the forest.
the bloodshed spreads with the heavy rain, and moments later, i see y/n approach the dead body. there she is.
and i feel as if my nonexistent heart has cracked in half when she screams. my eyes close in a sort of pain i've never experienced before. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry, princess. it's the only way you wouldn't look for me.
i wish that a day will come where we can be partners again. but on the inside i know that her human lifespan is not long enough to fulfill that silly wish.
scaramouche fanart credit: X (Twitter) : llxx88103769
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanart#genshin impact fanart#genshin fanfic#genshin impact fanfic#genshin impact fanfiction#genshin fanfiction#scaramouche#wanderer#genshin scara#scara x reader#scaramouche genshin#scaramouche genshin impact#genshin scaramouche#neuvillette#wanderer genshin#kabukimono#genshin wanderer#kunikuzushi#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x y/n#wanderer x reader#wanderer x you#wanderer x y/n#wanderer angst#scaramouche angst#angst#fanfiction
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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Gordon/Barney/Alyx is really really funny to me conceptually bc it's like, two hot geniuses in their 20s who look at the 40-something smartass who hangs around and go 'yeah that guy. we both want him carnally'
#and they're SO right#half life#half life 2#gordon freeman#alyx vance#barney calhoun#freemance#valhoun#freehounce#idk what the hell their poly ship name is sorry lol#(me. posting about a ship with an age gap on the 'can't be normal about age gap ships' website:#SURE HOPE THERE ISN'T ANY AGE GAP DISCOURSE IN HERE)#this was the first time I've drawn any of these characters in LITERAL YEARS and. wow........#feels so crazy that this was the fandom that got me to join tumblr in the first place (in 2011!!!!) and I used to draw them ALL THE TIME#interests change I guess#but I think I'll always come back to hl and portal occasionally. they're too much a part of my dna at this point LOL#my art#description in alt text#oh my god I just went back through my half life tag and the last time I drew these three was when I drew that freehounce meme LMAOOO#how serendipitious
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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“Fool me once, Dusknoir. Fool me twice?” Echo supplies, ice in the bite of her voice, “And you’ll regret it.”
--- --- --- --- ---
ECHO : (Hero)
Abilities: Bad Dreams / Synchronization
Nature: Impish / Quiet
Moveset: Dark Void / Psychic / Alluring Voice / Moonlight
#It's her!! It's my edgy girl!! Yippee!!#mutuals pls gaze upon her final form#i am looking directly at you s1nn0h I hope you like her design...#also added note!! Echo's eyes change color to blue whenever she uses moves it's like a jumpscare#and her neck scar MIGHT look a bit like darkrai's fringe on purpose#decided to make a character sheet for Echo so I could work on her design as an Umbreon#I'm happy with how she turned out!#tbh tho I did this mostly cause I needed something solid to look at while writing#and now I can stare at her while I think up so many scenarios to force her into muwahaha#and maybe now that I've actually got a design down I could draw some more stuff wouldn't that be crazy#sheet for Sora coming sometime soon too!! I can't forget my super sweet girl I love her so much#echo/umbreon#pmd ocs#pmd eos#explorers of sky#pmd2#my art#Team Wish my beloved...
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doodles
edgar vargas and squee by johnen vasquez
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin vargas#zarla s#scriabin#doodles#YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME . . . . !!!!#well HELLO !!!! I'M BACK !!!!!!!!#got a new brush . what do you think of it do you like it#okay i want to ramble about these wait a second#the first one looks a bit different to the rest because i was just trying new stuff .#if i spend a long time without drawing i'll forget how to draw and well it happened#i've changed my art style like 3 times now but i still draw side profiles the same . looks weird ugh#the mug says “ JESUS loves me BECAUSE no one else will ” btw . meta gave me the idea actually . thanks meta .#about the second one . finished that one like ten minutes ago . missed drawing todd aw#i just find their whole relationship so amusing .#like yes i went crazy for like a month and now i have a brother-husband and a kid ?!#they complement each other so well though . i love them#THE UNO ONE omg i've had that idea for like A YEAR NOW and i just drew it lol#i wonder how long it would take scriabin to notice though .#when i showed this to meta she said : “ oh wow !! edgar's finally winning at something !! ” and it's SO TRUE#wonder how he does it !#and the last one . i got the idea when i was looking through zarla's account searching for fan art .#love it so much though they look like their lives aren't a living hell#anyways i'll probably make more of these . who knows#going back to school on monday . and of course i had to get inspiration four days before going back .#please PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL . PL#okay byeee enjoy these . eat my starved followers . EAT !!!!!
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Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star Tower#Pizza Tower AU#Pizza Tower#Star Splitscreen#Crazy Star#Aseprite#Sprite Art#Pixel Art#Coolness#It's been a short bit since I've drawn anything Star Tower related... so I thought I'd draw the sisters Splitscreen together!#This was mostly an excuse to draw a less static-y Crazy Star as I've only ever drawn it in a relatively unassuming pose#And in doing so I got to stylize it a bit. I gave it a larger bow and changed the style of its eyes completely#I think the new eyes conveys the 'bootleg' theming of Crazy Star's design much better than the prior set#I'm very much proud of how this turned out and decided that it warranted a post here! 💙✨🏳️⚧️
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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so there's a trans woman who goes to the centre and everyone calls her by her birthname which she is like... fine with but only because she has no choice but to be fine about it. anyways I've known her for a while through a trans group before the centre so I asked her today if she'd rather I call her by her birthname or her chosen name and she said she prefers her chosen name but I can call her by her birthname if I want and oh my god I was about to cry for her bc god I really feel that whole situation fjdkdl, I just told her "no I WANT to call you by the name you prefer, that's why I'm asking, I want to make sure it's safe for you if I call you [preferred name]" and she seemed so grateful and I'm just :') eeurrgghh i hate how we have to be grateful with crumbs !!!
its just absolutely wild to me that she's presenting femininely and wears skirts and dresses and everything and uses her preferred name when she writes her name down on stuff and yet everyone at the centre calls her by her birthname and he/him pronouns. like. how are people so fucking rude and oblivious ??? she's even worn a she/her pronoun pin to the centre like.... people are so fucking stupid about trans people I stg.
idk I'm just hoping to make her feel a bit more comfortable and maybe if I start calling her by the right name and pronouns then everyone else will too eventually because I know she doesnt feel safe correcting people. I'm not going to make a big thing of it obviously bc I don't want to put her in danger but I will be using the correct name and pronouns now that I've double-checked with her about it, and if I start feeling like it's making things worse for her then I'll check in with her again at that point. I've honestly been stumbling trying to use he/him for her when I mention her to other ppl because she is just... she/her in my brain. it's what I know she wants to use so it feel fucking awful to use anything else !!!
#and my counselor said smth abt her that rly didnt sit right with me#but i was too scared to challenge her on it and ask what she meant by what she'd said#it might just be that this woman talks too much and will talk my ear off if i let her fjfkdl#and then i wont make friends if i just sit with her every day like i was doing the first couple weeks#but smth abt the way she said smth more like... ''getting sucked into all the stuff [she] has going on''#but said in a more... eugh way#idk it set off transphobia alarm bells in my head. ''ooh man wearing a dress who thinks he's a woman how crazy and perverted'' sort of vibe#I'm just... worried. that my counselor is transphobic lmao. I haven't talked abt any of my gender stuff w her#she can she/her me all she wants lol I don't talk about gender w mental health professionals ever after that initial exp a few yrs ago#I DONT KNOW THOUGH THIS IS JUST RLY MESSING WITH ME#LIKE WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO WILLFULLY OBLIVIOUS ???#its really fucking upsetting and I've been trying to not let it get to me too much but jesus fucking christ c'mon people 😭😭😭#im hoping i can maybe help change things for the better bc I'll be someone on her side#since she doesnt seem to have that there. god I've cried abt this a few times bc its just awful#and it rly reminds me a bit of my own situation where i just. grin and bear the misgendering and wrong name#except im a coward compared to her fjdksl i never mention my name or pronouns#i will say though that she has consistently misgendered me no matter how often I've reminded her of my pronouns fjdksl#but like... they/them is difficult. i get that. I can't hold it against her esp bc she's in her like 50s or smth#head in my hands. i wish life were kinder to all of us. i hope one day things can be easier#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#transphobia#transmisogyny#<- for blacklists. i uhhh hope this doesnt turn up in searches but oh well !!!
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
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Revamping what started this whole AU..
Factory Reset In Progress
(Reminder that Factory Reset is/was a collaborative effort between me, @fandomandangstlover , @duckapus , and several anons on Engie's (fandomandangstlover) blog! Credit and huge thanks to everyone who pitched in that day to help make this AU what it is now!)
(Orignal arc post!)
This isn't that huge because I'm just making major changes. Everything else is left alone, mostly because I see no need to change it. But ideas and suggestions are always welcome!
Efficiency Arc
A reminder that this is the first arc that kicks off the AU, and this is pre-character development for nearly every character. That, and the Higher-Ups/Admins/Code World have not been introduced. This revamp, however, is being made with the new world building we have!
The beginning of this Arc is relatively the same, with SMG4 being shown as more spacey, almost like he's in a trance. A change, though, is that some scenes are shown with SMG3 experiencing similar things, being spacey, and generally having a hard time focusing. When the two are together and like this, they work together scarily well, letting everyone know something wrong.
Like the old arc, it goes from 0 to 100 incredibly fast with The Coding where both SMG4 and SMG3 are reset. A big change, though, would be showing just how different they are now. They work together absolutely flawlessly, rarely voice any complaints, and are generally very distrustful of the others.
In Please Wake Up, stuff is massively changed. SMG1 and SMG2 don't know what's wrong with 3&4 this time around, but they are able to deduce that it's almost like they've been reset. But they do tell the gang their best bet of figuring out what's went wrong is by finding either 4 or 3's Pod.
The WOTFI goes the same, except we would get to see a scene of Mario meeting with Domain (but at the moment he doesn't know his name) after finding 3's Pod. Mario explains everything (he's shitting bricks the whole time) and we don't get Domain's answer, except for his eyes narrowing.
Of course, come when everyone looks lost in the battle, Mario arrives with the bow and arrows Domain and Forum gave him to give Singularity its just deserts. It's code crumbles away, but a few stray pieces manage to hide away and sneak their way back to the Pods..
There'd be a lot of emphasis on just how scary this is for everyone because this is completely different from everything that's happened, and it's giving Mario and Meggy some serious flashbacks to the Lawsuit Arc when everyone didn't remember them.
This also gives time for SMG4 to reflect once he's been freed, and he realizes how badly he's been treating Mario, and he decides that he needs to start being a better friend before something similar happens again.
When Mario gets asked how he managed to get that bow & arrow, he says the "Mario recolor in 3's Pod gave it to me-a!" Everyone goes to investigate, Domain isn't present. Everyone's very confused, but.. decide that, presently, its not something they should worry about.
As they leave, we get a full look at Domain, who only crosses his arms with a stoic face.
New Hope Arc
The arc that changes the most. There's still tons of aftereffects from Singularity's rampage, SMG4 and SMG3 being the most harmed. Their code is still incredibly fried and damaged, and SMG1&2 are clueless on this and how long it'll take for them to recover.
There's a lot of focus on recovery in their arc, and Lil Coding doesn't get introduced as early as he did last time. It's midway through the arc that he does, and it's because 4&3's code has gotten to the point where he actually needs to step up and intervene. Everyone is understandably suspicious, but the Code Manifestation simply does the code repairs and leaves as soon as he can.
It always bothered me how quickly everyone grew to trust Lil Coding, so it takes a while longer for them to come around to him. LC takes most of the initiative, coming around and helping his SMGs code and repairing it. It takes a while, but they do slowly come around.
Singularity hiding in Lil Coding's own code stays the same, and him progressively getting weaker as it takes his own code as well. The overflow command happens just the same, with Singularity coming back.
The Burden Arc
It's actually Lil Coding this time that says they need to go to the Pods, with him saying that this is something far out of his control and permission range, and they need the Admins. Everyone is confused (save for Mario), but they head to the Pods. There, we finally get the proper introduction of two of the three Admins for SM64: Domain and Forum.
We get some lore from them, them explaining that they're the Admins of 3&4 along with what Lil Coding is. Not everything is explained, of course, but we do get what's relevant and necessary to the plot.
Lil Coding and Singularity being linked stays the same, and of course, not wanting Lil Coding to end up dying, everyone looks for a way to separate them. Domain and Forum could do this, but they don't because remember. This is before all of the chatacter development everyone has had, so they're nowhere near as attached as they are now.
Eventually, Lil Coding does his thing to go and get rid of Singularity, but this time, instead of the whole stone statue thing, he's just in an indefinite power down mode until he heals. The electricity overload he does nearly completely fries his own code, but it does end up killing Singularity.
I think this is a good starting point for Domain and Forum's actual character development and to also plant the seeds of them being the SMG Prototypes. They are both incredibly confused by how upset everyone is and why they feel like something is repeating with how everyone's acting. So they decide to help out and speed up Lil Coding's recovery. I'll say that this is the start of their actual relationship with everyone.
#factory reset in progress#efficiency arc#new hope arc#the burden arc#fanmade arc#!posts!#not tagging any characters because its just a revamp#finally got this done! it was giving me trouble because I was going back and forth on changes#but I've got it done and Im happy! Its a nice little thing to look and see just how much my abilites as a writer have changed since April#man.. this started all the way back in April. Crazy to think about tbh..
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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looking back at the text i wrote to them but sent to myself because i just needed to get everything out and it's honestly the meanest thing i have ever wrote it is harsh and cruel and unreasonable and doesn't make sense but i'm glad i got it out. like i didn't send it to them so nobody got hurt from the text.
example:
"you left me. you said that i understood you that you love me that you care about me and u fucking forgot about me you don't know how hard it's been i needed you so much and you abandoned me and now i'm alone and no one even sees me like i thought you did but what you really saw was someone new who found you interesting, someone who would entertain you for a few months and then wouldn't matter anymore bcuz by then you would have found someone more interesting, more fun. [insert name of person here] i fucking hate you because forever i've wanted a person who understood me and liked me the best and i thought you were that person. but you left me.
i don't deserve this. i cared about you so fucking much i comforted you i told you everything and for some reason i thought you fucking cared. but i was such an amazing friend to you and i put so much work and effort into our friendship bcuz that's what friends do but now i'm realizing you never did the same."
and then it gets so mean and cruel and graphic that i'm not comfortable sharing that on here it was basically shit like i hope you feel the most amount of pain possible but very specific and graphic and just awful
the letter was wayyyyyy longer than this tho like wayyyy longer
#maybe i'll turn this into a poem some day#crazy to think this was almost a year ago#i've learned so much since then i have people who actually make me so fucking happy#idk if i should have posted this i'm just reflecting on how much i've changed#thank god i'm way better than who i was back then
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