#it's butt slappin time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kira-moonrabbit · 3 months

Text

many many years late... my big criticisms (not review!) of limbus company just from a gameplay standpoint. tl;dr... its kinda bad. this is both my opinion, and also how i explained said opinion, but i need it off my chest.

so preface: i dont play limbus anymore, but did for about one and a half cantos when it was brand-slappin' new. when i say brand new, i mean fresh out the box when there were still big server problems killing everyone's ability to play the game.

i went partially through the intro and then i had to sit through some more issues; then i had to replay the intro AGAIN when i came back. i figured skipping it would still allow me to view the in depth tutorial for how the actual game mechanics work in the same sequence; it did not give me this luxury and i had no idea how to re-find the tutorial. i had to scrape by with half-remembered fragments from watching someone else stream limbus and manage to view the whole danged thing. such is my preamble.

unfortunately i dont have the energy to find screenshots to use and i am not about to re-install limbus at 4 in the AM just to make an angry post about it. i'm opinionated, not petty.

i believe that a game should, even without a tutorial, be able to have its mechanics gauged just from looking at the UI and just generally observing. obviously tutorials are good, and not everything should be given to you this way, but as a rule of thumb you should be able to at least pick up a few rules about how things work just from watching un-commentated gameplay. lobotomy corporation has this. library of ruina has this. Limbus Company does not give you this.

the game is dogshit at explaining what the hell skills are. you are told there are coins, that are flipped, and dice are rolled. there are comparisons on the upper screen as to how two different skills will match up... and looking at these things, gave me no indication as to how the hell everything is CALCULATED! People who view with no commentary need a whole paragraph explaining the topmost UI! at least with ruina the dice math is simple. limbus needs a god damn calculator for every step.

disembodied micro-nitpick corner! the game doesnt tell you exactly where to go to uptie things, or when you unlock this ability. AND, it takes two whole cantos to unlock a way to earn major resources like, yknow... basically anything other than just more Lunacy for more gacha-ing.

defense skills are also not entirely perfectly explained. you think your "fuck shit everyone is targeting me" buttons would have a little more explanation behind them to help you use them better, but the descriptions for them completely sailed over my head and i had no idea which situations were and were not appropriate to use them. and each person has their own different defense skill so you better hope you have the right one for the situation when you need them! Else, S.O.L.

but yeah. i expected i'd have a handle on things by Canto 2. but by then, i just felt more confused, because in dungeons you just have a different combat system than in the main game for some reason??? one that i think is better executed because you actually have decent control over who's receiving what attacks. i had no idea what the hell i was doing the entire time still. i was just throwing out attacks and hoping the UI wasn't lying about matchups. my trial by fire wasnt even a trial, it was just... arson.

my other major criticism? sin. you know how one of the first things the game explains is sin resonance and absolute resonance? before the actual mechanics for how to calculate sin clashes? yeah, absolute resonance is literally just a damage boost that you can MAYBE hope is convenient. delibrately going for sin resonance was just getting my butt kicked. the game said to do this as much as possible but it just acts as a red herring for ACTUALLY learning skills that will get you further in the game.

sin in general feels like such a nothingburger of a mechanic. Cool, an elements system! to go with the last game's elements system! the two systems stack! i thought it was gonna be cool! But nnnope, its mostly just fuel for EGO. things DO have sin resistances, but they just feel like an afterthought.

what i liked about pierce, slash, and blunt is that they each had a slight archetype! Pierce was mainly status effects, Blunt was mainly damage, and Slash was something of a middle ground that focuses on power stacking (long live swordplay of the homeland with purple tear and slash power stacks).

with sin, its like... they're the colors attacks come in? and they have a status effect they're associated with. it doesnt feel like it adds an extra layer of much. i probably can't go as far as to say you can take away sin and lose nothing, because it does fuel EGO, but its... i dunno, it just feels like it's not needed.

i'll spend less time on the gacha because we all know gacha is gacha. but its like... ruina felt good, because you slowly accumulate more and better resources for the challenge ahead. you feel yourself slowly progress. In a gacha system, things have to generally remain at the same level of power as each other, give or take. And some things are just... better than others, yes. but there's very little in the way of like, teambuilding opportunities. you use the same really good units for pretty much everything. there's no progression aside from gacha, gacha, gacha over and over.

and this makes the reward for beating story missions just more gacha-ing, and lore. no feeling of getting stronger... no new toys to play with. the side resource modes, too, only serve to pump up your units. there's no customization of how you tackle things. i guess that ties in to the disconnected side bit a little, but still.

if you want my opinions on if the story is good, i cant give them to you though. i'm a gamer. i have practical opinions. to jump into the story would fall under the purviews of things like literary analysis.

but there is also a minor thing i will bring up that has to do with the story, in a way.

and there you have it, a casual gamer's opinion of limbus company as a game. a common person's opinion, in short. i'm not going to claim my opinion is the be all end all, far from it. I'm sure others have put the same ideas forth more eloquently. but sometimes you gotta hear what just a regular person who plays video games to have fun has to say about something.

Limbus Company all but demands you to have played Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina before playing it. the loading screen explanations do shit to tell you the kind of world you're getting into. some concepts don't quite go fully explained. and the things in the prior games are essential to the understanding of limbus company, such as the reasoning behind why L-corp fell, just what the Smoke War even was, and just what caused the Distortion and EGOism phenomenon. Anyone jumping in because "ooo, nice gacha!" is going to write off the prior games as useless, when they're actually incredibly important for understanding the story and why certain things are the way they are, and for understanding the whole game's themes!!! as to WHY they're important, I'll leave that to the more wordsy folk. [EDIT: it was brought to my attention by a kindhearted anon that i was wrong about how much story you need to be able to understand limbus. this is why i wanted to keep my story-related opinions to a minimum, as i havent played much past canto 1 myself. i admit this paragraph is a little bit brought on by me being grumpy that many players who play limbus just because its a gacha completely disregard the previous two games. all in all this paragraph isnt very fair.]

and before anyone says anything... i will not be arguing over this post. if i said something wrong, i said something wrong, such is life, pobody's nerfect. i am also not asking for tutorials about how to play the game, either. i feel like the game itself should be able to give me a satisfactory one for me to want to play it.

and lastly? i will ESPECIALLY not be arguing with people who have spent money on a gacha, any gacha. i feel like this should explain itself.

#limbus company #project moon #yeah i guess i'll maintag. its 4 am ive had worse ideas

3 notes · View notes

topgunafterdark · 2 years

Note

Is Bob the type to smack your ass in public? I bet he is and with a straight face.

You’re at the beach with him. Again. It’s available, it’s free, and both of you have reasons to be in the area, so why not? You’re trying not to overthink this whole thing before he leaves, because he will leave, and then where will that leave you, exactly?

He’s here with the other pilots, not alone, and you aren’t working, so you people watch. Or, more accurately, Bob people-watches his coworkers and you listen with barely-concealed glee. The things people say and do around this man because they assume it’ll go over his head are wild.

“And they just kept talking about it with you right there?”

“Just kept talking away. To be honest with you, my bewildered expression at the time was genuine. I have no idea what sounding is, and I have no intention of finding out what Harvard has to do with it. I’m assuming it’s something kinky, but why he was waxing eloquent about it to Yale is beyond me.”

“Well, I do know what sounding is, and you don’t want to know.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Bob says, letting the matter go. It’s for his own good.

You point out one pilot in particular as they file out onto the sand--the tall one you think is obnoxious, good hair aside.

“What do you know about him?”

“Who, Jake?”

“Yeah.” You just want some dirt on this guy. Something you can hold in your head the next time he doesn’t tip. You won’t say anything (at least not until his last day here), but you like to feel petty sometimes. Especially when it comes to Certain Customers.

“I know a lot about Jake,” Bob says. “A whole lot.”

He’s trying to keep a straight face, but you can see the smile poking out when he raises a hand to cover his mouth, and the jig is up.

“Did you fuck him, too?” You are astounded. Flabbergasted. And your guess is right on the money.

“Hey, he came to me. Guys like him, they talk a big game, but they all want someone they think is soft and lovable in the end.”

“Are you soft and lovable?”

“The softest,” Bob says. He keeps the serious look steady this time.

“Sure,” you say. “Well, I have an idea.”

“What’s your idea?”

“You should go up and slap his ass. I want to see what he does.”

“Well, that’s not nice. And also sexual harassment.”

“I wasn’t finished,” you say, clearing your throat. “I want you to get him to ask you for the ass slap. Like, maybe he wants his ass claimed in public.”

Bob tilts his head back and laughs. “You’re nuts,” he says. “I like that about you.”

“Are you going to do it?”

“Out here in broad daylight? Why, I’m but a simple, wholesome man.”

You give Bob a Look. “That’s a goddamn lie. Come on, he always struts around the Hard Deck like he’s god’s gift to humanity. I’d love to see him getting taken down a peg.”

“He’s probably into that.”

“Bob.”

“All right, all right,” Bob says. He stands, brushes the sand off of his uniform, and prepares for battle. “It’ll take me a bit. I won’t do it if he’s drunk. That’s messed up.”

“Deal.”

It takes a few minutes. The Bob you know is careful, even if he’s a lot more friendly than he appears on the surface. Meeting new people is always hard on him; he’s admitted as much to you. Get on his level, and he’s fun. But nobody gets Full Bob on day one. Jake seems to have already gotten to know Bob on many, many levels; he watches Bob approach with a guarded expression, but he waves away the man he’s with to give Bob the time of day, which is something incredible all on its own. You wonder if Jake got the business just like you did, or if Bob was someone entirely different in bed with his peers.

Bob whispers something in Jake’s ear. Immediately, Jake reels back, an expression of utter scandal on his face. But he doesn’t back away. You think he’s probably the sort who doesn’t back away from a challenge. Probably, it gets him into trouble sometimes. Right now, all you’re hoping for is an ass slap.

And you get one. Jake appears deep in thought, and then he looks at Bob and nods, who nods back. Jake asks a question. Bob responds. A deal has been made. But then Bob turns away, walking back towards you. Jake now appears miffed, as though he’s been scorned like a regency woman whose dance card remains unfilled. Jake’s friend shrugs, and Jake himself turns away. That’s when Bob sneaks back up and lands a slap right on the money. Jake spits his drink out all over the sand. His friend bends in half laughing something that sounds a lot like, “I fucking knew it, Seresin.”

A triumphant hero returning to his part-time queen, Bob gives you a bow. “See? All bark. No bite.”

“He into that too?”

Bob laughs again, but this time, he doesn’t answer. Some things are better kept as secrets.

#top gun fanfiction #top gun bob floyd #top gun bob #robert bob floyd #top gun robert bob floyd #bob x reader #x reader #bob floyd fanfiction #bob floyd #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd x female reader #bob floyd x you #it's butt slappin time #bob x hangman #top gun hangman #floydsin

237 notes · View notes

blackstar95 · 4 years

Text

The Brothers reaction when MC slaps their ass

Lucifer

As usual, Lucifer listened to some classical music and poured himself a glass of wine to relax a bit.

Once he was done, he brought the glass to his lips and took a sip, savoring the taste.

"Mhm," he hummed to the sound of the melody and blissfully closed his eyes, enjoying the quiet moment he was having.

Much to his dismay, you entered his office without making yourself noticable.

Now dont get me wrong, he loves enjoys your company.

But not when your main goal is to tease him.

An thats exactly what you were doing.

You grinned mischievously as you slowly crept up to him, his back turned to you.

Since he was in his own state of mind, he didn't noticed anything.

That was until you reached your hand out.

In that milisecond, Lucifer's senses were tingling and his eyes shot open, turning around as fast as lightning.

But it was too late.

He only watched as your right hand colided with his left buttcheek, giving it a good squeeze afterwards.

Lucifer jumped and just stared at you in shock, processing what just happend.

And you just stood there with an empty expression, your eyes starring at your palm.

"Wow, your butt is actuallly softer than I thought".

Lucifer furrowed his brows in anger and shook his head.

"MC".

"Yeah?" You asked, looking up at him innocently.

Lucifer had that closed eyed smile with an dark aura surrounding him.

"Now, what made you think this was an good idea, MC?".

You shrugged and slowly walked backwards, shivering nervously "I dont know.. I was just curious?"

"Curious?" He met up with your steps and tilted his head to the side, his smile never leaving

He became dangerously close, making you more nervous than you already are.

You felt your back hitting the wall and your eyes widened.

Oh lord...

Lucifer slammed his palm beside your head, caging you.

You flinched and looked to the ground, feeling suddenly so tiny under him.

Lucifer cupped your cheek and made you look back up at him, a sadistic smile on his lips.

"Such inappropriate behavior should be punished, MC"

I leave the rest up to your imagination.

Mammon

Mammon was walking beside you as always, being practically attached to your hip (nothing new).

You guys were at R.A.D on your way to the cafeteria, since it was break time.

The greedy demon beside you rambled about that new scheme to make money, and you once again had to talk him out of it.

"Ya! It aint a dumb idea!" He protested.

"It is Mammon. Just think about Lucifers reaction and the consequences," you shook your head "Want to hang from the ceiling that bad?".

Mammon only scuffed, turning his head to the side.

You glanced over to him and noticed a visible pout on his lips, making him look like a child.

"Hey, Mammon".

"Hm?" He looked over at you "What's up?".

You raised your hand and reached over for his bottom, smiling sweetly at him.

"Cheer up".

He was about to question you, but before he could even start his sentence, you cutted him off with a real loud smack on his ass.

Mammons stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened in shock "W-what?".

Once realisation kicked in, his face flushed in an intsant.

"O-oi, human! Whats the big deal slappin' my butt like that?!". He yelled at you, looking like a fricking tomato.

You couldnt help but let out a few chuckles, highly amused by his reaction.

"Ya! It aint funny!"

Thanks to his loud voice, the whole hallway now knew what just had happened.

Leviathan

Leviathan walked down the stairs to the dining room.

He was really excited because he finally got his hands on the new Ruri-chan merchandise that came out.

"Woaah! I cant believe I got that limited edition figurine!, its SO rare and the new outfit- its just soo angelic-"

Levi being caught in his own ramblings didnt noticed that you were walking beside him.

"And that new hairstyle! I cant believe Ruri-chan could get even more cuter than she already is-"

"Say Levi, to who'm are you talking to?"

"WAh!", Levi jumped slightly at the sound of your voice and almost tripped over his own foot.

"Wha- MC!? How long have you been here!?"

You smiled at him and grabbed his shoulder for support, preventing him from falling down the stairs.

"There there, calm down. I didnt heard much".

Levi let out an sigh of relief and turned to you.

"Yeah right, I mean who would want to listen to an yucky otaku like me?".

You facepalmed in your mind and sighed, he really needs more confidence.

Leviathan kept walking and pitying himself, mumbling random stuff.

He has such a negative mindset.

You walked up behind him not thinking much.

But then you stared at his head and then his back,

Eventually your eyes landed on his bottom.

You smirked to yourself as you just ran past him, giving his butt a hard and loud smack.

Levi yelped in surprise and stood still, overwhelmed with what just had happened.

His hand grabbed his right buttcheek and rubbed it, being too shocked to react.

You turned around and waved at him. "Damn Levi, you really got an nice butt there! Im soo jealous!"

You then disapperaed in the dining room.

Levis brain needed a whole minute to process what just had happened.

And then he became a stuttering mess.

"M-M-MC! W-what was that now?!, h-hey wait!" He hid his flushed face behind the back of his hand as he stumbled after you.

Ngl he was kinda happy you touched him.

Satan

Satan was on kitchen duty, cooking his curry.

He invited you to join and help, so you guys could spend some time together.

And theres no way you would ignore that chance.

So here you were beside him, giving him the ingredients he asks for and making some small talk.

"Did you know that Beel almost ate my hair in his sleep?" You sighed "Im lucky im not bald".

Satan glimpsed at you and raised his eyebrow, shaking his head, "His hunger really doesnt know its limits".

He looked up, "Well speaking of sleep, I had an unpleasant dream last night."

You handed him the spoon and nodded "What was it about?"

Satan sighed, "Beel ate too much and grew to be a giant. He then ate the House of Lamentation, leaving the rest of us homeless".

You laughed, "Why do I have a feeling that could actually happen?"

Satan frowned "He already eats plates, its only a matter of time until he starts eating the walls".

You chuckled, intending to jokingly slap his arm.

But since you werent focused on what you were doing, you didnt notice how your slap landed right on his butt.

Satan dropped the spoon he was holding and looked at you with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?"

You turned to him with an confused expression "Did I do something wrong?"

Satan cocked an eyebrow and leaned his head to the side "You just slapped my butt".

Now its your turn to look at him with wide eyes. "I did what now?".

Satan didnt knew if you were joking or not, and it was kinda ticking him off.

"My butt. You slapped it".

"No I only slapped your arm- ohh wait..." you chuckled.

"What is so funny?" He asked you with furrowed brows.

"Sorry Satan, I wasnt focusing on what I was doing and accidently slapped your butt instead of your arm," You shrugged "My bad".

Satan nodded and turned back to what he was doing "Next time be more careful, or I will return the gesture".

You smirked and leaned over to him "I wouldnt mind that".

He will remember that.

Asmodeus

Asmo was having a mid-life crisis.

He was on one of his diets, because his waist gained 1 millicentimeter.

You assured him that a little more weight always looks good and healthy but he wont listen.

So here you were infront of him, eating one of his favorite Cupcakes.

"MC darling, why do you have to torture me like that?"

He whined "Its not faair!"

You just shrugged "I have another cupcake left for you, but since you're on your little 'diet' I will give it to Beel."

He sighed and dropped his head on the table "Does my pain bring you pleasure?".

You frowned "I-"

Asmo gasps and sat back up straight. "Dont tell me your into that stuff?, Wow!"

He smiled and wiggled in his chair.

You sighed and shook you head "Asmodeus, stop".

He pouted "You're no fun..".

After some time you finally finished the cupcake and Asmodeus had reached his limit.

He watched as you stood up and walk towards to the kitchen.

"Wait, what are you doing?" He also stood up and followed you.

"I will bring the cupcake to Beel-"

"No, wait!" he grabbed your wrist and stared at you.

You looked back at him "What is it, Asmodeus?".

He glimpsed to the side "I dont want him to eat my cupcake.."

You clicked your tounge and pulled him towards you, making him stumble to the side

"What are you doi- AH!" He moaned yelped in surprise as you slapped his ass.

"Just eat that damn Cupcake. Its not like you will gain 10kg from it".

He blushed "Oooooh MC! That really made me excited! How harsh you pulled my wrist-"

You just let go of him and left the room.

"MC where are you going?, you cant just leave me here!"

Beelzebub

Beelzebub asked you to keep him company while working out.

And of course you said yes.

So now you sat there, on the bench with a towel in hand, enjoying the view infront of you.

Beelzebubs biceps flexed as he lifted weights, and his white tanktop was drenched in sweat, making it transparent.

His abs showed through the fabric and you blushed.

How can this man be so big and muscular?

You blinked when he stopped his workout and laid the weights back down.

He grabbed his bottle from the floor and drank from it, taking big gulps.

You decided to stand up and walked over to him.

"Hey, Beel"

Beel lowered the bottle from his mouth and smiled at you "Hey, MC!"

You smiled back, and held the towel in your hand out to him, "Here take this".

"Thanks" He nodded at you and grabbed it, wiping the sweat on his face away.

"So, how is the workout going so far?" You asked couriously.

"Im still warming up" he replied.

You blinked, Still at warming up, huh?.. impressive.

"But im starting to feel hungry..." Beel pouted.

You laughed "You can do it Beelzebub, I believe in you".

He blushed and smiled at you "Thanks, MC!"

So cute.

You nodded and patted his shoulder "Sure".

Beel proceeded to start his warm up again, starting with some sit-ups.

But you had other plans.

"Beel wait!" You ran up to him.

He stopped what he was doing and looked over at you "What is it, MC?"

Before he could fully turn his body to you, he felt a stinging sensitation on his butt.

He looked at you startled, now realising you slapped it.

"Wow Beel, your buttcheeks are pretty hard.. are they made of iron or something?" You hold your hand up to your face.

Beel blushed slightly, not knowing what to do or say.

You just shrugged and turned around, marching towards the bench you were sitting on.

But suddenly, you felt a light clap on your own butt.

You gasped, "What-, Beel?!" You looked behind you and saw him standing there, smiling.

"Your butt feels really soft and nice, MC". he chuckled, "Is that a human thing to do?"

"Beel no-"

Belphegor

Belphegor was taking a nap in the attic, skipping the student council meeting.

And since you were coming late to the meeting due to some complications, Lucifer ordered you to search for Belphie and bring him there along with you.

And thats how you ended up infront of the attic, clearly annoyed.

"Belphegor," you spoke as you opened the door "I know you're in here".

The youngest brother laid on the bed, snoring and cuddling into his cow pillow.

You walked over to him and shook him "Hey Belphegor! Wake up!"

He stirred in his sleep and furrowed his brows.

Eventually he opened one eye and glimpsed at you. "What is it?"

"Lucifer wants me to bring you to the council meeting" you explained.

"Too bad, I wont go" he closed his eyes again. "Why dont you join me?"

"No," you shook your head, "Please, stand up".

He groaned "No, I dont want to go".

Thats it

You grabbed Belphegor by his arms, and turned him on his stomach.

His eyes shot open "Dah! W-what, hey-"

You raised your hand and slapped his ass, the sound of it echoing through the room.

Belphegor jumped and sat up straight, looking at you in disbelief.

"What was that for?!" He blushed

"You should stand up," you crossed your arm over your chest "I asked you nicely but you wont listen".

"Alright..," He closed his eyes "I will go"

You nodded "good"

But before you could turn around, Belphegor grabbed your wrist and laid you over his lap, his hand resting on your butt.

You blushed when you realised what he was doing,

You tried to escape, but his grip on you was too tight.

"Heheh," he chuckled "Time for payback".

"B-belphegor-" you were interrupted by his hand squeezing your left cheek slightly, making you shiver.

Belphegor raised his hand and striked an direct slap on your butt.

He expected you to squeak cutely, but instead a loud moan left your lips.

You quickly sat up and covered your mouth, an massive blush on your face.

Belphegor stared at you with wide eyes,

But after a few seconds he smirked.

"Didnt knew you're into that stuff," he teased you "Im not complaining though".

You just hid your face in his shoulder, too embarassed to look up "Dont tell anyone about this..".

Belphegor chuckled and patted your head "I wont, that would ruin the fun".

He will still tease you about it tho, but just when you guys are alone.

810 notes · View notes

jungk0oksthighs · 2 years

Note

SOMETHING FOR JK TO HOLD ON TO 👏🏽 the kind of energy I am here for. You are beautiful, thank you for replying and for being so sweet!

we all know he loves slappin butts man would be having the time of his life back there

thank you for being so kind 🤍

4 notes · View notes

rpmemesbyarat · 3 years

Conversation

RP Memes from Rush Hour & Rush Hour 2

"Why you ain't tell me about the bridge?"

"Wipe yourself off, man. You dead."

"The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars."

"Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?!"

"Do you understand the words that are coming out my mouth?"

"I'll hit you so hard you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty."

"It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!"

"It would take me all day to kiss your fat ass."

"We've must be a misunderstanding, 'cause I was sent down here for the big case for the kidnapping of the little girl."

"He *is* the situation."

"You destroyed half a city block!"

"Hey, don't talk about my father."

"That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy."

"Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy."

" I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me."

"My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer."

"You don't know nothing about no war."

"Everybody knows war."

"They don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!"

"The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!"

"The Beach Boys are great American music."

"I like to let people talk who like to talk. It lets me find out how full of shit they are."

"Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?"

" ...which one of y'all kicked me?"

"Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?"

"I should take your ass to jail, you know that?"

"You got a prescription for this?"

"You better have glaucoma."

"Whoo! You know he dead."

"Man when I get up in there I'm slappin' somebody."

"You serious? I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true."

"I ain't gonna kill you this time. I'm just gonna kick your ass!"

" Did you hear what I just said? Get your shit and go out the door!"

" I didn't know you spoke Chinese."

" I never told you I didn't, you just assumed I didn't."

"I can't hold anymore! I'm slipping!"

" Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up."

"You know that other stuff but you don't know his name? "

" You said your father is a legend."

"You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?"

"Don't come up here in my place of business and scaring me like that, god damn."

" I need to know who this guy is runnin' 'round town buying up all these explosives and weapons."

"God damn, don't nobody know his name."

"Push the goddamn button!"

" I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail."

"I'm gonna make you mayor."

"Get rid of this guy, he's gonna get you killed."

"America is a very friendly place."

"Stupid fool, get the hell out of my way!"

"Well, even if I said anything, who would want the bullshit job?"

"What you did was dangerous, and completely against policy, not only that...you did a good job."

"No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone."

" You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right?"

" What is this shit about your daughter?"

" I'm gonna pretend you a man. A very beautiful man with a great body that I'd like to take to the movies."

"You know, we could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?"

"They will torture us for three days."

"They will cut off our eggrolls."

"Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut."

"You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat."

"We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else."

"Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist."

"I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!"

"I'm tall, dark and handsome, and you're third world ugly."

"I don't like my chickens alive, I like 'em dead and deep fried."

"I always dreamed of going to Madison Square Gardens, see the Knicks play."

"I could use another vacation."

"Man, I'm up here working, putting my life on the line, and you up here messing around, dancing with some bimbo...does she have a friend?"

"I'll meet you at the bar in ten minutes. They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in."

"He never begged for his life. Or tried to make a deal."

"If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something!"

"Who put their hand on my butt? Do it again."

"Look at that rat!"

"I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords."

"I'll be remembered for getting rid of you."

"I want to slice those pretty lips right off her face."

"I'd put that knife away, bitch, before you have an accident."

"Wipe yourself off, you're bleeding."

"Snoopy is like six inches taller than you."

"I love Snoopy."

"It was a cowboy hat, and now it's a pith helmet."

"Nothing touches this body but pure silk."

"There are a lot of men chasing us."

"Some people think it's tacky, but I like it when couples dress alike."

"Let's put a dead animal on you."

"He likes you."

"I'm not shopping with you no more."

#rush hour #rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes

29 notes · View notes

ready-to-obeyme · 4 years

Text

[OM!] 7 Demon Brothers + Alcohol 🥂

tw: alcohol consumption and things related to it

Note: Ranked the brother’s alcohol tolerance from best to worst at handling alcohol and added some alcohol-related headcanons too like how they’d act at parties :0

I may have used some people I’ve seen at college parties as inspiration

Asmodeus

what can I say except: King 👑👑

the man goes out to parties often and you BET there’s alcohol

and yeah it’s fun to get buzzed, but ya boy gotta be sober enough to woo all the demons and dance the entire night!!

he’s built a lot of tolerance against all devildom drinks and even some human alcohol-- which is why he’s so shocked when he loses to you in a drinking contest in the storyline

he’s not used to losing especially when it comes to drinking and he takes pride in being the one on top every time

is there to have a Good Time with alcohol, and he’s usually an instigator when it comes to its consumption because he wants people to have a good time too!! (but only if they actually want to drink-- he ain’t forcing anyone!)

would know when to stop; knows his limits and the limits of others pretty well, so he’s actually really good at taking care of people when they’ve gone overboard

alas is the burden of the sober (or less drunk); is definitely the one who throws back a shot but is also the one offering you a glass of water or a trashbag to throw up in or hold up your hair

he is SO good at taking care of you after a night out

like I said: 👑👑

Beelzebub

bigger mass, bigger muscles = better alcohol tolerance

doesn’t drink that often to be honest, but he can hold his own

doesn’t like drinking because it tastes nasty and doesn’t really fill him up-- though the fruity drinks are ok

heavy weight drinker when he does drink tho--- voracious appetite is matched with his ability to down shots like it’s no biggie

also, considering he eats so much, that also helps him in terms of alcohol tolerance

like asmo, his ability to not get drunk easily makes him the Guardian Angel Demon of Hydration

“have some more water” he says as he bends down and rubs your shoulders as you yak into a black trashbag

could probably shotgun a beer--- smash the butt of the can against his forehead and chugging it all down

ESEPCIALLY if it’s for a bet for food-- the man is unstoppable

will be part of clean-up crew and also eat all the snacks

Mammon

that’s right, he can drink Lucifer under the table-- but barely

but he’s the type to go too hard too fast so no know actually knows/thinks he can, but the man is WILDIN’

what can I say about the Avatar of GREED??

shotgunning beers, slappin’ the wine bags, funneling alcohol-- HE’S GOT IT ALL

gets super hyped up when drunk and is definitely a big instigator when he gets some alcohol in him

kind of endearing to watch his inhibitions completely disappear as he reigns as the Big Brother who will definitely win against you in any alcohol related games like beer pong, rage cage, anything!!

the man is good at gambling, math, and probably loads more that we don’t know about yet, so I’m not surprised if he’s actually super good at any games related to dexterity and hand-eye coordination even when he’s drunk

usually doesn’t really control himself with alcohol, so despite his tolerance often ends up bent over with a trash bag in hand

but if you’re there with him and aren’t familiar with alcohol, he’ll definitely tone it down and look out for you BECAUSE HE’S A SWEETIE

Lucifer

more of a wine drinker, less of a SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS type of person

you think he’d be all suave and haha alcohol np--

but the error message of him hugging the router because he’s drunk tells you he’s not as tolerant as people think he is AT ALL

he’s just very good at hiding when he’s inebriated, but even he can’t hide the tell-tale sign of his cheeks reddening

against his brothers, he’s very good at controlling himself and taking in enough alcohol to amuse himself but not go out of control

unless he’s provoked and Diavolo (or you ;) ) are there

lowkey competitive, especially when he thinks he can win

for some reason always finds himself drunk as hell despite telling himself “ok, easy on the alc tonight” and starts to slur his words and be suuuuuuper relaxed (which is really endearing for you to see because he softens and is more affectionate and less shy about pda)

I hc that he’s actually a talkative drunk because he’s usually so composed and careful with his words that without the ihibitions, he’s freely speaking his feelings more (uwu)

when he lets himself go though it’s so easy for him to embarrass himself LMAO and he’s lucky that most of his brothers are black-out drunk or too busy taking care of other people

Belphegor

“MC, I’m so sleeeeeeepy”

“Belphie, you’re always sleepy”

super cuddly when he’s buzzed

after a few drinks, settles himself into a couch and just chills and fuzzily watches people chaotically chugging drinks

pretty happy with just doing this because he sort of enjoys just being in the background and seeing his brothers enjoy themselves

if he was honest before, oh he’s super honest now-- but in an extremely affectionate way:

“MC have I ever told you that your hands are super soft?”

“Ahaha Mammon you dance funnyyyy”

absolutely no filter on the love, the mad man

definitely conks out at like 11pm even if the party started like only two hours ago, blissfully unaware of any of the party aftermath and thus never really ends up helping during clean-up

pretty hard to wake up-- but then again, he’s always hard to wake up

you could probably pick up the couch he’s on and push it into a lake and he’d just wake up confused??? or stack things on top of him and he’d never wake up or move

reminds me of that one vine where someone pours water on this girl’s face and she just wakes up and says “hello????”

Satan

the man wishes he had the tolerance of beel or lucifer or mammon god he wishes

but he does not-- not even CLOSE

is usually the designated driver and pretends he’s real cool with alcohol, but whenever he does drink, he’s out of the game SO QUICK

maybe it’s because everyone expects him to be tolerant to alcohol because he sometimes sips wine when he reads, but he is not great at alcoholic party games so ends up being drunk really early in the party

also, shots??? not the same

definitely the type of person to have taken a few shots at a time and be like “hm nothing is happening” and then feel it all at once

he’s definitely learned from that first time he’s drank so NEVER AGAIN

so whenever he does drink, he knows his limits (and boy it is low)

get super happy and-- not giggly persay, but he definitely has an easier time laughing considering he’s lost his inhibitions

not much can bring him down from this mood when he’s in the perfect zone between buzzed and drunk-- tries to aim for this zone every time but doesn’t always hit the mark

has probably tried reading after drinking and just ended up sleeping with the book on his face

Leviathan

doesn’t drink that much, doesn’t handle alcohol that well

...but people think he does because he always wins at party games

the man has the best hand-eye coordination from gaming; he is the MASTER at beer pong and rage cage

hates shots because it takes him out so quick

low-key one shot wonder, and his face gets so red after a few drinks

handles himself with beer a lot better, but easy to get pulled into the chaos and gets challenged by MUCH more experienced and alcohol tolerant brothers (COUGH MAMMON)

usually tries to find excuses to not drink and prefers to sit and drink other beverages

he is the master of the NAVY, give him WATER

would be part of clean up crew reluctantly, but if you need to be taken care of he is there for you--- no doubts about that

shyly puts an arm around you if you’re sleepy and makes sure you’re comfortable if you do end up falling asleep

also would end up taking care of other people (and actually does it really well), but does grumble under his breath bc he’s a tsundere

definitely has been on the bad side of drunk so is actually very protective of you if people are pushy with their drinks (it’s kind of sweet)

if you’re sober, you definitely have a friend with you who can watch on and remember EVERYTHING that goes on in the party and share inside jokes and good memories

#obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me belphagor #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #shall we date? obey me!#tw drinking

419 notes · View notes

tophthedaydreamer · 3 years

Text

toph just saw: space jam 2: a new legacy (what a title)

here’s my thoughts. WARNING, HERE BE SPOILERS!

alrighty, i have a LOT of thoughts. i’ll start by talking abt what i liked!

i LOVE the animation ohhhhh my lord. when lebron and bugs went to pick up their friends in different worlds, i kept screaming with happiness whenever it showed the animated characters interacting with the live action. also!!!! in certain older movies, they make the animation grainer!!!!!! which makes me go jsnsdjafnsdfdsjds!!!!

my favorites were wile e. and roadrunner in mad max, yosemite in the black-and-white movie (i’m so sorry i don’t know the name, i am a failure to film culture), and granny and speedy in the matrix. i also did a double take when i saw elmer in austin powers jnedjsnfkd;g.

i was touched by the fact that bugs was all alone. kinda pulled a spinel, huh? i really wish they spent more time on that. how long was he alone??? is?? he okay???

and everytime i saw the warners in the background i went

alright. time to talk abt what i didn’t like.

so the story feels a bit too rushed in certain parts, and a bit too slow. there surprisingly wasn’t a lot of action in the big game that got me excited. the comedy didn’t hit right for me either? like, it just. wasn’t all that funny to me. which is a darn shame since i came in really wanting to laugh and enjoy this movie (only part i did laugh at was elmer in austin powers. if you know, you know). i feel like they were really close, though!

speaking of plot, there’s this part where it seems like bugs is gonna die. they play it super serious, and i genuinely thought he got deleted (ok when he said “we’re all back together again” my heart broke a lil). but when lebron comes back to the real world, bugs is there with him. and i can understand his statement: “i’m a toon! i can survive anything!”. and i like that he and the gang are vibing with lebron now! i wish they did that part differently, or something. idk.

i felt like they kissed lebron’s butt a bit too much. i wish air jordan had a cameo. i think they mary-sue’d lola a bit (i wish they could have called back to her iconic line “don’t ever call me doll”). where. where was penelope pussycat??? i thought she was going to be on the team! not to mention that they seriously ignored marvin, poor guy.

and they did not come on and slam, and welcome to the jam 😔 (where’s the bomb remix?? i was promised a slappin’ remix!)

ok. that’s me thoughts. i give it a 6/10. pretty close, but not quite there. i wonder if i should see the original?

#me being petty: would have been 182328450% better if the warners played as the secret weapons #for real this makes me yearn so hard for a feature length looney tunes movie #toph musings #space jam 2 #space jam 2 spoilers #looney tunes #edit: also i kept imagining zippy as a player bc i'm annoying #and her fighting the robot time guy #she has super speed so the two of them would have duked it out

11 notes · View notes

norringtxn · 3 years

Note

It's butt-slappin' time? A certain seal is happy to oblige

“I would greatly appreciate if a certain seal would refrain.” He says, knowing that a slap from a seal flipper would most likely sting.

#{ ask: ic }#{ anonymous }#// NOW SEE HERE

6 notes · View notes

myblueeyedbuggers · 3 years

Text

My Boys

Chapter 9

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (best friend) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 1851

Warnings: Slow Start, Language, Tiny bit of Fluff

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change

So, hi again…I’m gonna be completely honest I’ve practically had no time to sit down and write for the past couple of weeks, college rained down tons of assignments and work kept asking me to do extra shifts. Hopefully you all understand the delay in updates, I’m determined to finish this book for you all, anyways I’ll shut up Enjoy 😊

Whoever decided to wake me up and drag me away from the glorious land of sleep will suffer my early morning wrath, slowly I opened my eyes and the outline of two very stupid and annoying boys filled my vision. “Have you two never heard the saying don’t tickle a sleeping dragon? I quite clearly need my beauty sleep!” why is it every time I threaten to murder these two they just start laughin’? what the hell is wrong with em?!, “ Well good mornin’ to you too doll face, as much as I’d like to stay here and trade threats mama wants you outta bed for breakfast so get ya butt moving” My eyes narrowed at Bucky as he started to follow Steve outta the room, the smirk on his face widening as I reluctantly moved out of bed.

I’ve only been here a week and I’ve nearly killed him at least 50 times, wait that’s not something I should be proud of is it? in my defence Barnes can be a right little shit when he wants to be! Two days ago, he thought it’d be funny to drench me with water in the middle of the day, it’s safe to say he didn’t climb down the tree for a fair few hours. The smell of bacon and pancakes made me completely forget whatever the hell I was talking about, I shouldn’t have rushed pulling my pants on cause my dumbass failed to see that the left leg got caught on the draw knob and I was once again hugging the floor with my bloody face. Great that didn’t hurt at all!

Right let’s check for damage, bruises? Nope scratches? Nope pride and dignity? That went a long time ago who am I kidding? “Y/N You comin down or what?!” Jesus Christ that boy has a voice like a flipping fog horn, I wouldn’t be surprised if they heard Steve in queens! “Yeah give me a minute will ya! No need to get your panties in a twist Stevie” I’m pretty sure I can hear Becca and Bucky laughin’ from up here. Okay enough time’s been spent getting dressed, at this rate the boys will have inhaled all the food…the thought alone is enough to terrifying!

“Right you lads better of left me at least one pancake and 3 strips of bacon or they’ll be hell to pay later” as a rule most people say good morning but I like to start the day with a decent dashing of threats and insults, cause I’m a friendly person…okay nope that’s a big pile of bullc**p and I know it. “Well mornin to you too y/n, the pancakes are on the table and the bacons on Bucks plate feel free to take some” a muffled sound of protest could be heard over my laughter as Bucky shot Steve a look of utter disbelief. “I think I’ll skip on the bacon then Stevie, by the looks of it Bucks already drooled all over it” Steve and I shared a look before we burst out laughing, Buck was glaring at the both of us with syrup dribbling down his chin and I gotta be honest it looked hilarious. “You guys done laughin’ at me yet or would you like to gang up on me some more?” is this boy dumb or somethin’? “Buck, I’d be on my deathbed and my final words would be some form of insult towards you”.

And there I go signing my death sentence again, at this point Steve wasn’t even on his chair anymore, instead he was lying on the floor completely pissin’ himself laughing while Bucky slowly stood up and started walking round the table. “Oh would you look at the time! Gotta go guys my appointment with the grim reaper’s in a minute!” hey y/n maybe it’s time you start running?! With a small shriek I turned and bolted out the backdoor with a pretty pissed off Barnes boy on my tail. The sunlight blinded me for a couple of seconds, so I was kinda running without knowing what was around me…and as per usual life decided to firmly kick my ass using the form of a bloody tree. A sharp stinging sensation spread across my entire face, huh reminds me of when I ran into that door…only that didn’t hurt half as much and there wasn’t an annoying brunette prick absolutely creasing with laughter behind me. I’m pretty sure that in the process of the tree b**tch slappin’ me I cut the left side of my cheek…oh would you look at that there’s the blood that should have stayed inside me, I couldn’t stop the small groan of pain that slipped outta my mouth, the lower half of my back was more than likely battered to all hell and the stinging in my cheek wasn’t helping either.

Apparently, the sound of my suffering seemed to break the idiot outta his little laughin’ session, I raised my eyebrows at him when it finally dawned on him that I hurt myself and that was pretty funny, all the colour drained from Bucky’s face, his eye’s widened when he noticed the lovely new edition to my face and pretty soon he reached a hand out to help me up. Such a gentleman… that’s if you replace the gentle bit with idiotic. The second I was on my feet, he pulled me into a hug and began checking my face and head, I’m hoping to god he can’t see my flamin’ cheeks cause I know for a fact he would never let me live that down. To be completely honest all I could concentrate on was the gentle touch on his hands on my cheek and the look on Bucky’s face, his eyes were completely focused on my cut. How have I never noticed that his eyes have the smallest flecks of green in them? Or how his dimples show when he frowns?… more importantly why do I feel both excited and terrified but somehow warm at the same time?

My little daze was broken when I realised that his lips were movin’ and I had no idea what the hell he just said, but he must of asked me a question cause he was lookin’ at me waitin’ for his answer. Bollocks. “What’d you say Buck?” Jesus Christ could I have been anymore obvious?! Maybe I should make a giant banner and smack him in the face with it, oh for godsake am I blushin’ again?!, the small smirk on his face grew into a sh*t eating grin as he threw his arm around my shoulders and dragged me back to the house. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say that you y/n were completely blow away by the masterpiece that is my face” oh great I’ve managed to inflate his ego even more, “Actually I wasn’t gonna say anythin’ but you’ve got a little somethin’ stuck in your front teeth” and just like that all the cockiness drained outta his body.

The arm around my shoulder disappeared rather quickly, to my amusement the boy next to me did as well, I could feel the little smirk on my face as I carried on walkin’ forward as he stayed behind more than likely doin’ that cute stupid thing with his eyes. Wait what did I just say?! What the heck is wrong with me these days? Its like a flippin’ alien’s taken over me and made me into a normal girl! .It feels all kinds of wrong. A sudden cough disrupts my inner monologue, my eyes roll to the sky as the smirk reappears on my face, I can’t help the laugh that escapes me when my gaze meets Bucky’s. He was stood with his hands on his hips, his eyes narrowed as I continued to laugh and slowly his face formed a pout as he waited for me to finish completely wetting myself with laughter. “You done yet?” his brow was pulled in as he tried to fight off the smile, “Do I actually have somethin’ in my teeth or were you just being a bully?”.

“Nah, just needed to keep your ego in check before it inflated and carried you away into the wind” Buck looked like I’d just shot him in the chest, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughin’ at him as I turned and started walkin’ back to the house. “Ya know you can be a real piece of work when ya wanna be don’t ya?” thank you captain obvious! “I know I am, you know I do it out of love don’t ya?” I shot him a small smile as I wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him in for a side hug, Bucky shook his head with a small smile, but accepted the hug anyway. After that we stayed in a comfortable silence as we walked back towards the house, his arm never pulled away from me till we got inside, that was until Mrs Barnes walked into the kitchen and saw the cut on my cheek, to simply put it she completely freaked out.

I watched her quickly shoo everyone outta the kitchen, she somehow managed to pull a chair out and sit me down while grabbing a towel and bandages, question after question was fired at me while she gently started cleaning to cut. After a while the conversation died out, Mama B was completely fixated on cleaning the cut and if I’m honest the silence was peaceful, well it was for the 5 seconds it lasted.

Bucky burst through the door lookin’ like someone was trying to murder him, not that I could blame them, 2 seconds later Steve and Becca burst through the door armed with…wait is that eyeshadow and lipstick? I watched as Bucky backed into the corner, his eyes wide as he begged them both of them for mercy, whatever he did to piss the pair off clearly warranted this man hunt and there is no way in hell I wanted to stop it just before it got good. Soon enough Becca and Steve some how managed to pin down Buck, and despite the many protests, the pair managed to smear the lipstick all over his face and dump most of the eyeshadow in his hair.

I tried my hardest not to laugh I swear, but he looked like a very disturbed and demented fairy princess and I couldn’t hold it in anymore, soon enough we were all having a little laugh at the poor bloke, eventually Buck saw the funny side of it and he too joined in with the mess that was the Barnes family.

So, I’m gonna be honest here this is more of a filler chapter/character development hopefully it didn’t suck as much as I think it did XD Okay I’ll stop rambling, Thanks for reading!

Rose Xxx

#winter soldier x reader #winter soldier #captain america x reader #captain america #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #mcu #fanfic #reader #reader insert #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader

13 notes · View notes

catsnkooks · 4 years

Note

i’m sure all of the clones would appreciate some nice booty but which ones would thirst over a s/o with a niceeeee butt the most

ohohohhoohohho

ofc i gotta go w my fav bois jesse and hardcase--they’re always slappin the booty or coming up behind you and squeezing it before running away lskdflsekf

and uhhh wolffe just bc mans is king of doggy--you’ll have so many marks on you when he’s done

thots time

#things kooks says #asks #smut

13 notes · View notes

tr4shmouth-tozi3r · 5 years

Text

‘listen, I know I’m a drunk, jealous asshole, but I love you.’ - richie tozier x reader

requested: yes & i luuuuv these jealous richie requests, so with that being said after this if anyone wants to send in a jealous richie request get specific for me cause this is my second one already, so the more specific they get the easier it will be for me to keep writing this kind of request. also decided that combining it with the second request would be super easy and i like the concepts together lol. you guys are 16 here.

also, @lavender-zone thank you so much queen🥺 I really appreciate knowing you enjoy my writing so much!

pairing: richie tozier x reader

warnings: swearing, angst, drug use, alcohol consumption, sexual innuendos, fluff.

October 4th, 1992—

“Hey, uh look, I don’t know how much longer you’re gonna be a sour puss and ignore my calls, but call me back, doll.”

“Listen, you’re driving me fuckin’ crazy. We’re best friends, y/n and we barely go two hours without talking. It’s been like almost three whole days, please just call me, sweets.”

“Hey, I know you’re giving me the silent treatment, but mom’s booze cabinet was unlocked and I’ve got a whole fuckin’ bottle of tequila with our names on it. Cut the shit and call me.”

“I’ve been sittin’ on this bottle for about three hours now and you still haven’t called me! If you don’t call me soon I might have to drink it by myself and I don’t think anybody fuckin’ wants that. Call me, this shit is getting old, y/n/n.”

“Alright, well I’ve already had about six shots and I’m buzzed as all hell. You can ignore my calls and voicemails all you want, toots. Won’t be able to ignore me—hiccup—when I show up outside your window.”

“Fucking great.” You sighed heavily as you forcefully shoved the antenna of your cellphone down and threw the big hunk of buttons toward the end of your bed. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying and you were certain you’d cried every tear you had.

Your window was open and almost as if it was on cue, you heard a burp and an ‘oh shit’ from outside. It was moments like this one, when you were pissed at Richie, that you hated how close his house was to yours.

You rolled your eyes and rose from your bed, reluctantly dragging your feet to your window.

“What do you want?” Your ass landed ontop of the raidiator below your windowsill. One leg rested above the other leg as you peered down at him.

“Look,” he ran one hand through his dark curls and licked his lips, tequila in the other, “I’m sorry, c’mon doll. Let me in? Let’s talk and hangout? I have gifts!” He wiggled his eyebrows with a goofy (and slightly buzzed) look in his eyes and grinned as he reached into his jacket pocket. His hands raised and he waved the bottle in one and a joint in the other.

Your eyes scanned over him momentarily, the street lamp above him shining down on his face and the black eye he’d gotten a few days prior was hard to make out behind the crack in the lense of his glasses. You thought hard before speaking, “Fine. You’ve got five minutes, but...,” you spoke sharply and crossed your arms, “that’s it.”

October 1st, 1992—

“No way, bro. There’s no fuckin’ way Darren’s doing that to y/n.” Richie Tozier’s head shot up from his lunch tray at the familiar name. His eyes squinted from behind his thick-rimmed spectacles and landed on two boys in his grade. They wore red letterman jackets and sported big numbers on their backs along with their last names. It was a couple of Darren’s football buddies.

Darren was some guy from school that y/n had recently started seeing and Richie hated his guts. He was a complete douchebag and was nowhere close to the type of guy he ever would have expected to see y/n with. If he was being honest, he saw himself with her more than anyone, but that was definitely never going to happen. He’d been best friends with the girl since they were in 3rd grade, along with the rest of their group, not including Ben, Bev, and Mike (they came around a lot later on).

“Yeah he is, I swear dude. He made a bet with Bowers that he could get into her pants by homecoming.” Richie felt his ears heat up instantly and he clenched his fists and his jaw simultaneously. If it was possible to blow steam out of your head when angry, Richie would have been smoking up the entire cafeteria in seconds.

Richie may have never liked any of the guys that stole y/n’s heart, but he knew there was something way off about this one and he was right. He stood up quickly, his chair flying back and he threw on his leather jacket before grabbing his bag and storming out of the cafeteria. He knew exactly where he was headed.

“Hey, Darren!” Richie’s voice rang out across the football field as he hastily made his way across, cracking his knuckles and his black painted nails glistened against the sun. He ignored the way y/n’s eyes landed on him from the bleachers and realization dawned on her face that he was, in fact, about to do something very stupid. She could see it written across his face; the redness in his cheeks prominent and the way he clenched his jaw made her stand up suddenly.

“Tozier, we’re in the middle of a practice, get the fuck off the field!” Richie tuned out the coach’s voice.

“Tozier? Uh... what are you doing?” Darren set his water bottle down and raised an eyebrow at Richie, who dropped his bag as he got even closer. Suddenly, he was walking right up to Darren and his fist was flying right into his nose.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing, dumbass!?” The football coach was running toward the boys, his clipboard waving in the air.

“You sick fuck, making bets on how long it’s gonna take you to bang my best friend!?” Richie’s words came out in a hiss as he shook his hand from the sudden impact, wincing. Darren stumbled backwards and tripped, falling to the ground. Richie got on top of him and punched him again, this time breaking his nose and blood gushed from the boy’s face.

“You little shit, you broke my nose! What the fuck!?” Darren reached for his nose with one hand while his other hand clung to Richie’s shirt collar as he tried to keep as much distance between them as possible, “And you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!”

Richie swung down at him again and his fist connected with Darren’s bottom lip and blood trickled down his chin, “Oh yeah right, fuckface! Maybe tell your little butt slappin’ buddies to stop whispering about your douchebag escapades at lunch!” Darren quickly mustered the strength to pull Richie down and roll his way over and on top of him. He threw a punch at Richie’s face, the boy’s glasses cracking against the sensitive flesh around his eye and suddenly, his coach was behind him and trying to pry him up and off of Richie.

“Stop!” Darren’s arm was cocked back as he struggled against the strong hold his coach had on him, ready to punch Richie again, but the sound of your voice stopped him. Richie’s head snapped in your direction, his glasses crooked and broken on his face and a black eye forming already. His knuckles that were squeezed tightly against the fabric of Darren’s tee were covered in Darren’s blood and bruised. Darren looked at you, blood running from his broken nose and over his mouth, dripping from his chin.

You hurried toward them, screaming at them the whole way, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Rich!? And Darren, get off of him!” They separated, Darren being picked up by his coach and Richie scrambled to his feet, taking his glasses off and stuffing them angrily into his backpack on the ground.

“What’s wrong with me? More like what’s wrong with him!” Richie pointed his finger at Darren in blame, “He’s using you, y/n, for a quick fuck and some dickwad bragging rights,” Richie spit at the ground in front of Darren, who was consistently denying the curly haired boy’s claim, before he continued, “because he made a bet with Bowers, that he could fuck you by hom-”

Richie found himself being cut off as you shouted, “Enough! God, Rich... you’re my best friend, but every single guy I try to be with, you always have to wedge your way between us! Now, this!? This is way too far.” You shook your head in disgust and walked toward Darren, slipping your arms around his waist and asking him if he was alright.

Richie went to speak, “But-”

“No, Richie, no buts. I’m not buying this shit for a second, now please... just go.” You scowled at him and he pursed his lips and smiled rather sourly as he threw his hands up in surrender.

He let out a bitter laugh before he spoke, “Fine, but when he hurts you like I said, which he will, don’t come crying to me, doll. I’ll be the one to tell you I told you so and you wouldn’t like that.” He glared at Darren and then looked at you, trying to see passed the anger written across your face, but he couldn’t.

“Fuck you, Tozier.” Darren flipped him off, blood spewing outward as he spat the hateful words in Richie’s direction.

“Hey, that’s enough!” Coach yelled, pointing his finger in the direction of each them.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” You spoke quietly to your boyfriend, your eyes never leaving Richie as you did. His face fell at your expression, because he knew that one all too well. Growing up together, he managed to elicit that look from you quite a few times. It was a look of hurt. He fucked up and you didn’t believe him.

“Tozier, get your ass to the principle’s office, now!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...” Richie grumbled and waved off the coach as he rushed off the field and right into the parking lot ahead. No way in hell was he going to the principle’s office. He got in his car, slammed the old creaky door shut and sped off in the direction of the quarry, his engine roaring and his speed increasing the whole way.

“FUCK!” His hands slammed against the steering wheel and he tore a pack of Marlboro's out of his leather jacket pocket, “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He scolded himself and lit a cigarette as he pulled up to the quarry parking lot.

He sat in silence at this point, thinking about how no matter what he would do, he’d never have you.

Present day—

You sat and watched your best friend ramble on and on with his apology, which sounded 100% rehearsed and you expected nothing less from Richie Tozier. You wanted to be so mad at him and to take it to your grave and never look at him again, but that was only so you didn’t have to remind yourself of how much you loved the insufferable little shithead.

“I swear to god, I wasn’t lying. I heard his twatty football buddies talking about it at lunch and I-,” he took a deep breath, before puffing on his cigarette he had lit moments before this, “I just got so mad. I know I could have handled it better, but you need to believe me, y/n, I’m not lying.” His words came out quickly and nervously and he was puffing away at his cigarette as if his life depended on it. He was definitely a bit tipsy, having already made a small dent in the bottle of tequila.

“I know...”

“Listen, I know it seemed like a-”

“Rich, I said I know.” He looked at you as you spoke quietly, confusion written across his face and he put the cigarette out, “I know you were telling the truth. I heard Greta while I was in the girls bathroom yesterday talking to her friends about it, saying how funny it was and how he was boning her behind my back and the only reason he made the bet was so Bowers would be on his good side and he could use him as like a body guard... or some shit...?” You and Richie both found yourselves with confused looks on your faces by the end of your statement.

Then there was silence, but the laughs that followed made Richie feel warm inside and he thanked god that you were laughing with him and smiling at him and talking to him and you were just here with him.

“Anyway, after that I confronted him about what I heard Greta saying and he cracked. He admitted it to me and then,” your eyes filled with tears you didn’t think you even had after all the crying you’d done before Richie arrived, “he had the nerve, to ask if I would lie and tell everyone we fucked so he could get whatever it was that he wanted from Bowers.”

“That nasty fuckin’ pig, I should go punch his teeth out this time, for treating my best friend like that.” You smiled sadly at Richie’s words and the way he leaned forward to wipe away your tears. You didn’t say anything else as you grabbed the bottle of tequila from his hand.

“I just... fuck, I was so mad that you were right, okay? That’s why I haven’t talked to you first.” You sniffled and brought the bottle to your lips.

“God, you’re so stubborn. So petty. You drive me nuts, doll..” He teased you and you scoffed at him before taking a swig from the bottle.

“Oh, light that joint, will ya?” You asked him bitterly, the harsh liquid coating your throat and burning your chest as you spoke.

“So.. does this mean I have my best friend back or what?” He raised an eyebrow as he put the joint over the flame of his lighter.

“Fuck, Richie, you know...” you sighed and took another shot, “I wouldn’t want anybody else to be my number one best friend, but could you stop getting into my love life and let me figure this shit out myself, then?” His eyes lingered over the joint and he didn’t speak for a moment.

“Yeah.. yeah, no problem, sweets.” His words were soft and you were a bit confused by his reaction and the way he had hesitated before answering you.

Richie was a stubborn bastard and he knew he had missed the perfect moment to just tell you how he felt, but he didn’t like to be vulnerable and everyone knew that. He was afraid of rejection, and also, of breaking the strong bond between the two of you. And it was funny, because the same thoughts ran through your head about him. So, in conclusion, you were both absolute oblivious knuckleheads.

Bev had always tried to explain to you how Richie was jealous whenever you would end up with a new guy. He was always cold toward them and very protective of you. Anyone with eyes could tell, but you refused to believe it. Richie was your best friend, there was no way he felt that way about you and if he did, he would have said something by now, right? You also wondered if it would ever even work between the two of you. The thought that it might not, always lingered in your head and you couldn’t stand the idea of losing him.

To you, having him as a best friend was more than good enough, if it meant keeping him forever.

“Let’s smoke this on the roof.” You grinned at Richie’s statement and took the joint from him as you both stood up.

You picked up your conversation from where it had left off and you looked at him, curiosity gleaming in your eyes, “Why are you always so over the top whenever I get a boyfriend?”

You passed the joint back to him, intently waiting for an answer. He looked nervous, like he didn’t know what to say, “I.. I mean, you’re my best friend, we grew up together. I don’t want anyone to hurt you.�� His eyes darted over yours and your face softened.

“Rich, you’ve gotta give them a chance first! Every guy, you instantly hate. I don’t get it. Like that boy when I was thirteen, Jared, he held my hand in front of you and you shoved him into a bush. How was he hurting me?” You raised an eyebrow and then giggled at the memory replaying in your head.

“Hey, I’ll have you know Jerkoff Jared was a pervy little shit, practically eye-fucking you all the time, I mean we were thirteen for crying out loud. Oh, and let’s not forget Tony Tiny Balls, was he before or after Garrett the Gagger?” The seriousness etched across his face was priceless and you looked at him with wide eyes, your hair swaying in the wind and the stars shining off your face and damn, he couldn’t stop looking at you as he slowly hit the joint.

“See what I mean? You gave them all inappropriate nicknames, too!?” You both busted out laughing, the alcohol and weed starting to really affect the both of you and it was affecting Richie in the weirdest way. For some reason, words were just coming out of his mouth and he couldn’t stop them.

“I was jealous.” He slurred and you froze up. What was he doing?

“What, uh, wh-what do you mean?” You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, your eyes falling on the suddenly pretty pattern of your roofing. You wanted to believe the alcohol had you hearing things, but you knew that wasn’t true.

He sighed and looked down at you before putting the joint out, your face looking the other way, “I mean, exactly what I said.. I was jealous. I was always jealous.” His eyes were back on you again.

You turned your head at the feeling of his eyes burning holes into the side of your skull, “Why?” You swallowed the lump in your throat that you didn’t even know was there and felt your heart beating like crazy in your chest.

“Oh, for fuck sake, don’t beat around the bush, y/n.” He hiccupped before he continued, “You know why.” His voice went low and his stare intensified. He leaned forward slightly as he took his broken glasses off, his tequila breath hitting your face and you swore you almost blacked out and that he was about to kiss you, but he didn’t.

The same thought ran through your head as you stared back at him, your eyes searching his. You’re my best friend and I can’t lose you, what if I take this chance and it blows up in my face?

“Richie, I-”

“Listen, I know I’m a drunk, jealous asshole, but...” He whispered so lowly, you didn’t think you heard it right, but oh yes you did, “I love you...”

You stared at him, unsure of what to say or do, because yes, you’ve said I love you to each other, but this one was different. He said it in a way that made your heart flutter and your stomach twist and turn. You had wanted this for as long as you could remember, yet you were always so afraid of it. The thought of losing Richie because of a stupid relationship that didn’t workout scared you, but knowing he felt this way made you wonder if you would regret not taking the chance.

You were torn...

“Hey, no rush here or anything, but uh,” he coughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head, “are you gonna respond?” He smiled sheepishly at you and your mouth opened then closed and his face fell.

“God... fucking damnit, Rich!” You dropped your head into your hands.

“Shit, all you have to say is you don’t feel the same way.” He was smiling awkwardly at you before another hiccup escaped his lips and you looked up and shook your head.

“No, Rich..,” you sighed, “that’s the problem, I love you so much it drives me fuckin’ crazy, but I just don’t think we should do that to ourselves. Everything would change, and don’t get me wrong, being with you sounds amazing...” you gazed into his eyes, “I would just rather have you forever and if the only way that works is if we stay best friends, then that’s how it has to be.”

He involuntarily laughed and let out a small snort with an expression on his face that said ‘you’re joking, right?’.

“Doll, you’ll never know unless you try.” He spoke softly as he reached for a fallen strand of hair in your face, tucking it behind your ear.

“Rich, I just can’t... I’m sorry.” Your eyes glossed over and you tried not to cry as you looked away from him. He sighed and wrapped his arm around you and kissed the top of your head.

“It’s okay, but I love you and you love me, so we’ll be together eventually, babycakes. I don’t care how long it takes, whether it’s now or in ten years, I’ll wait. Don’t think I’m not gonna constantly ask you out, though, cause I am. I mean shit, we can set a schedule, like every first of the month I’ll ask you out in the most mushy gushy romantic way I can possibly come the fuck up with and whenever you’re finally ready, just say yes.” He stated simply and grinned down at you as you rolled your eyes, but there was a smile on your face, too.

“God, Tozier, when did you turn into such a sap?” You feigned genuine curiosity, but also let the amusement drip from your words, “But seriously, I just think it’s better this way.”

“Whatever you say, pretty girl. I’m serious, too, I’m not giving up. I’ve loved you since we were little kids. I’m not gonna give in that easy.”

So, Richie wasn’t playing around when he said he wasn’t going to give in that easy and he also decided to change it from once a month to once every two weeks. You expected something like this from Richie, so it didn't surprise you even a little bit, but at this rate you weren’t sure how long you’d last.

Richie being romantic was rare; sure, he could flirt. Flirting was something different, but being romantic? Richie Tozier?

You were practically swooning as you thought about it. Fuck, keep it together, girl...

Pep talks usually worked for you, even coming from your own head, but in a situation like this your brain was absolute mush. It had been a month and a half since Richie had confessed his feelings for you and made his promise to win you over and help you shine through your insecurities. So that meant, you’d been asked out three times already and he wasn’t kidding when he said ‘the most mushy gushy romantic way I can possibly come the fuck up with’.

October 18th, 1992—

The first time he asked you, he forced you to go on a picnic with him at the quarry. He had the small spot set up with lights and a fire and a spot for you to sit together cozily.

You sat wrapped up in a blanket together, poking sticks with marshmallows on them against the fire. That’s when he asked you, “So was this picnic good enough to make you mine yet?” He looked down at you with his big round brown eyes, maginified by his thick glasses (he finally got a new pair a few days prior, so for the passed couple weeks basically, he was blind in one eye).

You swallowed the lump in your throat and you smirked suddenly, “Hey, y’know isn’t this more like a campfire than a picnic?” You raised an eyebrow and pursed your lips at him, trying not to smile.

He groaned and threw his head back, “Fuck, you’re impossible, sweets.” He looked back down at you shaking his head in amusement and you brought your half burnt marshmallow to your lips with a sly smile on your face as if to rub it in.

“Gotcha.”

November 1st, 1992—

The second time he asked you, he told you he had a surprise planned for you and that it was so urgent you had to skip school for it, which you honestly didn’t mind too much. So, you didn’t protest, instead giving in right away this time.

Fuck, he had you closer to where he wanted you without even really trying. You were so screwed.

You remember leaving your house that morning and getting in the passenger seat of his bright red, beat up 1983 maserati. The car was only nine years old, but with an owner like Richie, the car was practically a pile of junk already. You loved it.

It was freezing that morning and he told you, “It’s about to get a bit colder, toots. Don’t worry I brought you an extra scarf.” He smiled from ear to ear as he glanced over at you for just a second.

God, he made it so fucking hard for you...

And before you knew it, you were at an ice skating rink a town or two over (you weren’t too sure, you were too busy throwing glances at Richie the whole ride there).

“Rich, I don’t even know how to ice skate!” You squeaked and your face turned pink. The tip of your nose went bright red from the instant cold that hit when you stepped out of the car, gaze locked on Richie.

“It’s okay, me neither.” He shrugged at you with a goofy smile and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he held his other hand out to you.

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that? How is this romantic if neither of us know how to ice skate?” You asked him expectantly.

“We’re gonna learn together, teach other. Balance one another out.” Your breath hitched at the way he spoke, no trace of slyness behind his words. He spoke rather sweetly and your heart dropped into your belly. Fuck, fuck, fuck...

You put your shaky hand in his and followed him as he carried a bag over his opposite shoulder, “So, I got us ice skates since I know your shoe size, because you can’t rent any here. You have to bring your own here. They had these really pretty pink ones so I grabbed those for you. I asked Bev to look at them, too. I wanted to make sure you’d like them.”

What the fuck. Stop it, y/n. Relax, it’s sweet, yeah, but do not give in. DO NOT GIVE IN.

“Th-thanks, Rich.” You coughed awkwardly and he smirked down at you as he handed you the skates.

You noticed there was practically no one there and you looked at him questioningly, “There’s no one here, are you sure they’re open?”

“Yeah, I made sure. That’s why I picked this place, they don’t get much business, so more alone time with my pretty lady.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you could feel yourself absolutely screaming on the inside.

Damn, this one was good. So good you wanted to give in, juuust a little bit. You were strong, though and you held out. Even when he was slipping and sliding on the ice with you in his arms, your hands locked firmly on his biceps to keep as much of your own balance as you could. You both laughed and foreheads knocked together and noses brushed and you might have felt his breath in your mouth for a split second, his lips just grazing yours accidently.

Your chest exploded and you wondered if it felt even better to actually press your lips to his and if he tasted good; he sure looked like he did...

“So, babe whaddaya say? Be with me, c’mon this sappy shit is starting to make me feel all ooey gooey inside, bleh.” He scrunched his nose up and peered down at you in amusement over his glasses.

“You have no idea how much willpower I’m using to say this right now, but no can do, trashmouth.” You laughed at his expression. His glasses slid down his nose and his cheeks were flaming and his mouth was slightly open. He was absolutely shocked it hadn’t worked.

“You’re one tough fuckin’ cookie, y/n y/l/n.” He laughed before placing a kiss on your head trying not to fall backwards onto the ice as he pulled away.

November 15th, 1992—

Alright, so the third time he asked you he might have been very, very tipsy. And when Richie gets tipsy enough, he turns into a complete hornball.

We’ll keep this short and sweet, but he ended up slurring along to the words of Good Enough by Bobby Brown, singing into one of your hair brushes in your room.

Even weirder; some of your friends were over and having some drinks with you, as well. Their reactions were priceless, but you on the other hand, weren’t sure whether you should laugh or blush.

“So? Be my—hiccup—girlfriend, sexy?” He swayed from side to side, his hands spread out above his head and his mouth curled into a big dopey smile.

“Oh god, Rich... this one was terrible, but also memorable. I swear to god I’m never gonna forget this.”

“Well, fuck—hiccup—me.”

“Oh, you wish, loverboy.”

November 29th, 1992—

You had to admit, you were in love with Richie for years and you never thought you could fall even more in love with him, but you were wrong. The passed two months were honestly the happiest you’d been in a long time and he wasn’t even your boyfriend. Your insecurities began to fade away and all you could think about was being Richie’s and him being yours.

Homecoming was around the corner and today was your two week mark, so you knew what that meant. Lucky number four.

Weirdly enough, you anticipated it all day long and to no avail. He hadn’t even asked you anything at all, nor to Homecoming and you felt somewhat disappointed.

At the end of the day, he told you he had some things to take care of and he’d see you at your place later. This didn’t help your mood, but you let it go. Maybe, he forgot today was another two weeks. Maybe, he thought it was tomorrow...

You trailed up your driveway and through your front door, confusion spread across your face at the pair of pastel pink heels sat neatly on your doormat just inside. You looked up and Eddie was sitting in your living room.

“Holy shit, Eds, how the fuck did you get in here!?” You stumbled back and he laughed at you and shrugged.

“I can’t tell you that, but here, this is for you. You might wanna grab those heels too, and head into the kitchen.”

This had Richie written all over it and you cursed yourself for thinking he had forgotten his own plan. Of course he didn’t...

You peered down at the pink rose hair clip, it was beautiful. You let Eddie place it in your hand and you grabbed the heels, turning the corner to kitchen.

Bev and Bill sat at your kitchen table and in front of them was a shoe box that looked brand new, “Oh hey, sweetie,” Bev smirked up at you, “we’ve got something for you.” She handed you the shoebox and inside was a pair of dark men’s dress shoes.

Of course Richie would make you carry his shit, the little bastard.

Bill looked at you and nodded towards your staircase. You slowly walked to and up the stairs and Stan, Mike, and Ben all stood at the top of the stairs. Stan held onto a nice looking suit, that happened to match your shoes perfectly. Mike held onto a bouquet of pink roses and Ben held out a beautiful pastel pink dress in his hands.

You reached the top of the stairs and they piled everything onto you, “There’s one more thing in your room, go see what it is.” Mike smiled mischievously and you shook your head at the cheesiness of it all.

Richie really had outdone himself here. You had no idea he was capable of such sappy shit, but boy did it make your heart melt.

You walked into your room and Richie stood in front of you with a cute little sign that read, ‘be a smartie and let this dum dum take you to homecoming?’

You dropped everything on your bed and hunched over laughing and trying to catch your breath, “I’m so–I’m so sorry, it’s just–” you looked down at the poster and giggled.

He blushed and said, “Hey, this part was all Bev, I was gonna wing it. You were gonna come in and I was gonna say ‘hey, dollface, I already got both the tickets and our outfits, now you gotta go or you’re paying me back cause this shit took every dime I saved since I was twelve, see ya at 8 on Saturday’. I told her what I was gonna say and she laughed in my face and forced me to draw this, which I suck at by the way, but she picked this clever one herself. Would have been helpful if she drew it, too. Oh well.”

He shrugged and you had stopped laughing and now you were just staring at him as you inched closer to him, “Fuck, I love you, you cornball.” You threw your hands around his neck and whispered to him, “Of course I’ll go to homecoming with you, dum dum.” You giggled into the nape of his neck as he muttered a small ‘hey!’ and you continued, “What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

You pulled away so your face was in front of his now and his eyes locked with yours, his face reddening by the second, “Really?” He barely spoke above a whisper and you nodded at him with a grin, “God, finally. I don’t know what else I could have done to top this shit! Plus, I’m broke now.” He shrugged with a joking smile. Or maybe he wasn’t joking, you weren’t actually sure...

Suddenly, his lips were on yours and it felt like everything was falling ontop of you. Your ears rang and your arms tingled, your legs going weak. His tongue slid against your bottom lip and you hummed into the kiss, revelling in the taste of strawberry candies and Marlboro’s enveloping your mouth and for some reason nothing could have tasted sweeter to you. Your tongues clashed and your heart fluttered and you saw stars behind your closed eyes.

“I love you, sweets. I told you I’d make you mine, didn’t I?” He pressed his forehead against yours, his breathing heavy as he tried to catch his breath and his glasses fogged up for a moment.

“I love you too, but I think I’ve been yours for a while now.” You murmured against his lips as you reached up and took his glasses off for him.

“Just wait till I get my hands on you after homecoming, I can’t wait to take that dress off of you.” Smirk.

“Richie!” Blush.

would u like some 🧀 with that 🌽 ?

lol srsly tho i love this hope u guys liked it(:

@ineffable-husbxnds @eddiegotdatassma @prof-scribbles @thebriskneees @homosexualkaspbrak

So I started a tag list, lmk if you wanna be added to the list so whenever I post a fic I’ll tag u😇

308 notes · View notes

sebastianshaw · 4 years

Conversation

RP Memes from Rush Hour & Rush Hour 2

"Why you ain't tell me about the bridge?"

"Wipe yourself off, man. You dead."

"The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars."

"Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?!"

"Do you understand the words that are coming out my mouth?"

"I'll hit you so hard you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty."

"It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!"

"It would take me all day to kiss your fat ass."

"We've must be a misunderstanding, 'cause I was sent down here for the big case for the kidnapping of the little girl."

"He *is* the situation."

"You destroyed half a city block!"

"Hey, don't talk about my father."

"That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy."

"Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy."

" I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me."

"My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer."

"You don't know nothing about no war."

"Everybody knows war."

"They don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!"

"The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!"

"The Beach Boys are great American music."

"I like to let people talk who like to talk. It lets me find out how full of shit they are."

"Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?"

" ...which one of y'all kicked me?"

"Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?"

"I should take your ass to jail, you know that?"

"You got a prescription for this?"

"You better have glaucoma."

"Whoo! You know he dead."

"Man when I get up in there I'm slappin' somebody."

"You serious? I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true."

"I ain't gonna kill you this time. I'm just gonna kick your ass!"

" Did you hear what I just said? Get your shit and go out the door!"

" I didn't know you spoke Chinese."

" I never told you I didn't, you just assumed I didn't."

"I can't hold anymore! I'm slipping!"

" Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up."

"You know that other stuff but you don't know his name? "

" You said your father is a legend."

"You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?"

"Don't come up here in my place of business and scaring me like that, god damn."

" I need to know who this guy is runnin' 'round town buying up all these explosives and weapons."

"God damn, don't nobody know his name."

"Push the goddamn button!"

" I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail."

"I'm gonna make you mayor."

"Get rid of this guy, he's gonna get you killed."

"America is a very friendly place."

"Stupid fool, get the hell out of my way!"

"Well, even if I said anything, who would want the bullshit job?"

"What you did was dangerous, and completely against policy, not only that...you did a good job."

"No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone."

" You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right?"

" What is this shit about your daughter?"

" I'm gonna pretend you a man. A very beautiful man with a great body that I'd like to take to the movies."

"You know, we could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?"

"They will torture us for three days."

"They will cut off our eggrolls."

"Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut."

"You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat."

"We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else."

"Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist."

"I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!"

"I'm tall, dark and handsome, and you're third world ugly."

"I don't like my chickens alive, I like 'em dead and deep fried."

"I always dreamed of going to Madison Square Gardens, see the Knicks play."

"I could use another vacation."

"Man, I'm up here working, putting my life on the line, and you up here messing around, dancing with some bimbo...does she have a friend?"

"I'll meet you at the bar in ten minutes. They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in."

"He never begged for his life. Or tried to make a deal."

"If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something!"

"Who put their hand on my butt? Do it again."

"Look at that rat!"

"I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords."

"I'll be remembered for getting rid of you."

"I want to slice those pretty lips right off her face."

"I'd put that knife away, bitch, before you have an accident."

"Wipe yourself off, you're bleeding."

"Snoopy is like six inches taller than you."

"I love Snoopy."

"It was a cowboy hat, and now it's a pith helmet."

"Nothing touches this body but pure silk."

"There are a lot of men chasing us."

"Some people think it's tacky, but I like it when couples dress alike."

"Let's put a dead animal on you."

"He likes you."

"I'm not shopping with you no more."

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #rush hour #rush hour 2 #my memes #my starters #okay to reblog

17 notes · View notes

whump-it · 4 years

Text

Hayden and Lydia; “Ok, I’ll meet him”

@haro-whumps @grizzlie70 @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @comfortforthepain @shameless-whumper @iaminamoodymoodtoday @kawaiiloverofanimu @burtlederp @untilthepainstarts @my-whumpy-little-heart @moose-teeth @pepperonyscience @faewhump @saphemme @slaintetowhump @whump-tr0pes

Be prepared people. This contains no TWs whatsoever. Unless...maybe I ought to warn you that your perception of Hayden might be about to become very confused. Sorry! *whispers* I’m not really sorry.

Lydia stood out on the front porch and waited. She twisted the ring that had belonged to her mother around and around on her middle finger until her hands became too sweaty and the ring started to stick. She peered down the dirt track that led away from the house, into the sun and heat that had made everything dry enough that she would see the dust kicked up by the car tires way before she saw the car itself. When she finally caught sight of the gently billowing cloud of dust that meant Hayden was nearly home, she darted back inside the house, past the clock on the wall in the hall that showed that he was late home just like he always was.

She could hear the approach of the car, louder and closer to the house, while she grabbed up the first book that she found and arranged herself on the couch, opening the book and tucking her legs up beneath herself to give the impression that she had been sat there all along. She was alert to every noise that normally would have served as background music to her day. Hayden late, car too fast, door open and then slammed shut. She knew what would come next. The sound of the car horn beeping just once and quickly when he locked it and the crunch of gravel before Hayden’s footfall could be heard on the porch. Lastly would be the sound of the front door opening and closing.

“Lydia!” She heard her brother yell her name from the hallway.

“I’m in the living room,” she called back out.

“Wonderful!” He shouted. She heard the thud of one, and then two shoes hitting the wooden floor. “Fantastic, best news I’ve had all day.” She rolled her eyes at the sarcasm that was leaching through every word. “Why is the front door unlocked huh?” He rounded the corner and stepped into the living room to stand in front of her. Lydia lowered the book and gave him a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry?” She said. Hayden sighed and rubbed at his face.

“Lydee you have got to start locking that door. Please. I can’t work from home everyday and there’s no one for miles around...”

“Which means there’s no one to get in here and horrifically murder me then!” Lydia interupted cheerfully, earning herself another sigh and en eye roll from Hayden to rival her own one earlier.

“...which means that no one will hear you if you ARE getting horrifically murdered,” He sat down next to her on the couch and gently took the book from her. “Please, if you won’t do it for you then do it for me?”

“Oh! Guilt trip!”

“I can go one better...” Hayden started to say before Lydia broke him off with a shove.

“If you even think of telling me to do it for mum and dad then you’ll be the one getting horrifically murdered.” She shoved at him again and he caught the motion before she got there with it, pulling her into a hug and holding her there for a moment.

“I love you Lydee. You drive me mad but I love you,” Hayden released her before standing up and handing her back the book that he had taken off her. “I’m going to go make a start on dinner and you can sit there pretending to read my book and then, when we’re eating, you can tell me exactly why you were pretending to read it in the first place.” She took the book off him and narrowed her eyes at him.

“How do you do that?” Lydia knew that there was no point in trying to pretend that she was legitmately reading anymore. Her brother always knew when she was up to something.

“You’re “reading” my copy of Management and Cost Accounting,” Lydia turned the book over and looked at the cover.

“Huh, so I am.” She flashed him another of the smiles that she knew would win her almost any argument.

“Oh no you don’t, you’re not smiling your way out of whatever this is going to turn out to be this time around. And before you ask, no I haven’t found another dog yet and yes we will be getting another one as soon as I do,” Hayden called the last of his words back at her through from the kitchen. Lydia looked at the book again and frowned at it. She didn’t think that her brother could have picked a more dull book if he’d tried, career or no career. She tossed it to one side and went to join him in the ktichen where she found him pulling various ingredients out of the fridge.

“What are we eating?” She asked, hopping up on to the counter to sit and watch, swinging her legs where she sat. Hayden frowned at her. “What?!”

“You know you have your butt on a food prep area right?”

“Yes I do!” She swung her legs harder.

“You exist solely to annoy me don’t you?”

“I do my best,” She said. “Sooooo...?”

“Fish today,” Hayden said, pulling a paper wrapped fish out of the fridge and slappin it down on the side.

“Please tell me that didn’t come from the mangey pond,” Lydia said, laughing.

“It did NOT come from the mangey pond,” Hayden replied, gathering up some greens and a packet of pasta, which he waved at her. “And before you ask, yes I’m being lazy today. The pasta is coming from a bag.”

“Well that’s just not good enough,” Lydia teased at him, deliberatly wiggling where she sat to annoy him about being up on the side. Hayden chose to say nothing about it and carried on preparing their food, chopping vegetables, boiling water, cooking and cleaning around until he had finally produced two dishes of fish with greens and a cream sauce on pasta.

“Right! You can carry your own I’m sure.” Hayden said, picking up his own dish and holding out a knife and fork for Lydia to take. She poked her tongue out at him but took the cutlery and her food, then followed him thrugh to the dining room. They sat where they always did. It hadn’t changed, even though there were two empty chairs now, always empty. Lydia ate and glanced up at her brother from time to time. Her earlier playfullness had started to twist itself up into a knot of worry in the pit of her stomach. The food was good. Hayden’s food always was. But every mouthful was a struggle. She had a feeling that he was deliberatly keeping her waiting and on edge because that way she would be less likely to try to get away or lie. She knew exactly what he was up to and she fell for it every time. She had done so her whole life and it clearly wasn’t going to change. She kept up with him, matching his speed and ate until her dish was cleared. Until his dish was cleared too. When he put his cutlery in his dis, she did the same and held out her hand to take his away and put it in hers.

“Uh uh, no you don’t,” Hayden said, pointing at the chair, indicating that she should sit right back down where she had been. She wanted to tell him. She didn’t want to tell him. She sat back down and put the dishes to one side.

“So now dinner’s out of the way maybe you’d like to tell me why you’re looking so nervous? Hayden steepled his fingers and looked at her intently.

“I’m not nervous,” Lydia said with a small shrug of her shoulders, a tic to show that she was, in fact, nervous.

“Ok, and I‘m the Queen of England,” Hayden said, a small smile twithing at the corner of his lips. Lydia couldn’t help herself. Her body reacted the way that it always wanted to when her brother smiled. It mirrored. She smiled and then let out a small and nervous giggle. She looked down at the table then back up again at Hayden.

“I’ve met a guy,” she said.

“Ok,”

“And I really like him,”

”Ok,”

“And I want him to meet you and he wants to meet you,”

“Ok,”

“Can you please stop saying ok!?” Lydia said, exasperated and letting herself slump over, her forehead meeting the table with a small dull thud. Hayden laughed at her.

“How old is he?” he asked.

“Seriously? You finally stop saying “ok” and that’s your first question?” Lydia asked, lifting up from the table to fold her arms under her head and rest her cheek to the crook of her elbow.

“What else should I be asking?” Hayden said. “I just want to know if he’s the same age as you or if he’s, I don’t know, seventy or something.”

“He’s not seventy or something,” Lydia said, deliberately not answering the question just because she could. Hayden looked at her, one eyebrow cocked and a slight twist of his head to one side, the way that he always did to get her to talk. And once again she knew what he was doing. And once again it worked because it always did.

“He’s twenty,” Lydia said. “He's new at work.” She could feel her cheeks flushing and getting warmer when she spoke about him.

"Twenty works," Hayden said. "I suppose. What's his name?"

"You suppose?" Lydia laughed, tilting her head up and resting her chin on her arms. "Well I guess that's something. Marcus. His name's Marcus."

"Marcus," Hayden muttered to himself. Lydia sat up a little, straightened up a bit. Waited. "Ok. I'll meet him. How could I do otherwise hmm? You've gone all red just talking about him."

Lydia beamed, a huge smile spread across her face and she jumped up out of her seat to wrap her arms around Hayden, kissing him with an exaggerated "mwah" as she did so.

"Thank you! Because he's coming out here after he's done with work." Lydia was still clinging on when Hayden started to disentangle himself from her grip.

"Lydee, I have to go back out in less than an hour," he stood up and moved around her to pick up the dishes. "I promised this client, I can't let him down. It's a big job. Too big to lose." Hayden took the dishes to the kitchen and put them in the sink. Lydia followed him and slid herself back up on the counter again.

"You won't have to lose the job Hayd," she said, her legs barely swinging at all. "Just... can you be back? And, you know, maybe not be late for once?"

Hayden turned the hot tap on and ran it into the sink, adding a splash of washing up liquid and letting it foam to the top before he turned the tap off and sighed, his hand still in the water. He took a moment then left the washing up and dried his hands.

"I want to see a picture," he said eventually.

"But..."

"He's not coming out here to meet you when I might be out until I at least see a picture Lydee," Hayden stepped over to where she was sat up on the counter and rested his hands on her knees. "I want you to be happy. Ok? I love you. But I HAVE to keep you safe. It's only me and you. That's it. You're everything."

Lydia looked up from where his hands rested to look him in the eye.

"Are you trying to make me cry before the guy I like sees me?"

"Would it stop him coming over?" Hayden asked, smiling and poking at the corners of her mouth to force them up until she couldn't help but smile too.

"Fine! I'll send one to you," she slid down off the side and took her phone from her back pocket, flicking through the gallery for the best one. The one she loved. The one that showed off his blonde curls and green eyes. Eyes that she couldn't believe she got to look into because green eyes were so rare. Tapping on the share icon she heard it ping up on Hayden's phone. She kept her eyes on him, watching for any clue in his face as to what he might be thinking while he was looking at the picture on his phone.

"Ok. He looks normal enough." He pocketed his phone. "I'll be back to meet him." He went to the hall to put his shoes back on and pick up his jacket and Lydia followed him.

"He's frightened of meeting you you know," she said, watching him.

"I won't eat him," Hayden said. Lydia raised an eyebrow at him. "What!? I'll at least cook him first." He stood up and slid his arms into his jacket while Lydia shoved him to the door.

"You'll be back," she said as he stepped out of the front door.

"I'll be back," he said. "Lock that door Lydee."

Lydia pushed the door shut behind him with a nudge of her foot and went back to finish up the dishes. She set the radio on the counter to her favourite channel and hummed, washed, and though of Marcus.

#whump #whump community #who is lydia?#who is lydia #oc master hayden #oc hayden reeve #oc Lydia #oc Lydia Reeve #oc Marcus #Lydia is a total darling #Lydia deserves good things #where do people go when they've had enough of their lives?#the collection box #collection box #master hayden is not amused

13 notes · View notes

hoodie-bboi · 5 years

Text

in honor of school starting, here are some things i either heard or said last year as a high school freshman. enjoy.

(List compiled by @teawarlord and i)

Freshman Year (2018-2019)

I’m just gonna stick my hands down my shirt.

Kai you’ve got a big dick. (Kai does not have a dick.)

I’m crying from the dick.

Stop fingering everything

Don’t judge the lizard man!

YOURE A PEEN BOY!

Can I borrow your uterus?

Don’t fist the applesauce

No I’m not gonna fist it I’m just gonna punch it

I didn’t choose the gay life the gay life chose me

Is your crotch ok?

My brain is soup

If they have a c*ck like a toddlers forearm…

I’m pregnant with water

I’m not having kids and you can’t make me!

There’s cum on my apple

i’m tearing off the cum

Oh shit the apple cummed on me

Who wants to talk about animal sex?

Daddyyyyy UWU

*to the tune of duck tails* TOE HANDS UWU

eggs. eggs everywhere.

If I see her walk through the door I’m jumping down. (30 ft drop)

When I see (my gf) I’m slapping her ass because I’m mad at her.

Fuck you time, you’re just a concept.

I love communism~

Panda bears are resoundingly NOT in to sex! -Science teacher

If they were any more inbred, they’d be a sandwich.

I don’t want to be shanked by your pop tart!

What if everyone had dicks for fingers?

*walking in to a room* I’m not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Don’t ask questions you don’t know the answer to.

Do we do it in Español or Spanish?

“I wanna go to Maryland” “Why?” “Because fuck Maryland” “But why?” “It’s the land of merry” (or Mary, jesus’ mom, idk)

I don’t wanna eat my limp dick pop-tart :(

Don’t screw ghosts, that’s a sin ;)

Our phrase of the day is Multigenerational Butt Licking

“I didn’t eat today” “That’s bad…” “I know-“ “C O N S U M E”

“I don’t worship Satan because I am Satan” *whips poorly*

I finally found out what my cat has been staring at all these years…

No matter how sexy your music is, you can never lick it.

And not the egg??

You don’t stand when you suck dick, dumbass

I love squating when sucking dick. Just *squats* euaaah

Why are you fucking the sherbet with your spoon?

i stuck my finger in there and he starts doing that

I’d rather you stick your human-sized foot up my veen than my ass.

Soft vore your sandwich.

Can forks… mate?

*bursts into room* WHERES THE MEATLOAF??? *takes two pieces of wooden pretend-meatloaf and runs out*

Grunhilda’s in my pants :(

Where is my penis!?

*into headset* I’m gonna kill Gerald. He’s eating our beans. *Gerald runs out laughing like a little girl*

First he eats my beans, then he throws my table.

Oof. I got a big whiff of beans.

Take off those clout goggle bro, you got no clout.

Bruh :(

What do we call an animal that is active mostly act night?

Insecure (the correct answer is nocturnal)

A ball of fire flew out of her vagina

I got the beats, ya bitch

That damn bastard, peein on my carpet

Do you ever forget to breathe because you’re so tired? (Immediately) Yes.

(About Burt’s Bees) Who the fuck is Burt?

“12-8 is 4” (In a condescending tone) “12-8 is 5.”

Some people think ivory powder is viagra

Do you have any on you? I’m asking for a friend…

What’s a hussy?

Teacher: It’s a… very flirtatious female.

oH, so a hoe!

Teacher: I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

i don’t dislike students. but i dislike this student very much.…

“Are you depressed?” “Hella”

*carrying a shovel* Do you know of any graveyards nearby?

Bro what’s wrong with AIDS?

What if I slap my vagina?

I’m not gonna slap your vagina.

I am so close to becoming bisexual right now

I GOT CHEESE JUICE ON MY FINGERS

“I DONT LIKE THAT SOUND” “Let me suck the cheese juice off of it”

Did you steal my eyes?

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY KNEECAPS

Do humans eat sharks?

caMELS? Do camels eat sharks?

I’M GONNA DEEPTHROAT THIS KNIFE

Have you guys ever felt how soft Kaia is?!

Bro I gotta find out if he’s gay or bi, because if he’s bi then I have a chance.

(from above the stairs) aw man don’t be slappin me like that

(from below the stairs) I’LL SLAP WHATEVER I WANT TO

(above) yo who the fuck said that

I don’t like turkey

i’ll eat it

It’s not turkey, it’s salami

!!???

you schlorped my cheese

twincest is NOT wincest apparently

STOP DRINKING YOUR RANCH WHAT THE FUCK

JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE? MORE LIKE HE’S SLITTING MY THROAT IN THIS COLD

(about kidney stones) Are those generic by the way? (instead of genetic)

Why are you eating your book?

LEAVE ME ALONE

So not to get political or anything but what the hell is oatmeal?

I love when I call daddy!

“I don’t want glass up my cooter!” “No, coffee.” “THATS EVEN WORSE”

I want to slap someone with my ovaries

Did you eat your last brain cell?

Don’t hurt my neck hole

I don’t care about your egg

Peanut fucker

The Ugly Fuckling

While you’re in this group, don’t get on the roof.

There’s a roof?

During this time, we stay under the building (referring to under the roof).

I will throw my skull at you

Don’t put your eggs in my stomach

the egg juiced

I don’t care what you do, just be quiet… don’t raise hell…

Don’t put your egg in my stomach

IT JUICED (about the egg)

YOU ATE YOUR APPLE SO PRETTY

I’m ten? (through laughter) I’m not legally allowed in my house

We are Dong

All is Dong, Dong is all

dong with a capital D

This monster Dong is a Dong and a half

They’re an abomination of the foot, Debra

I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up

Why are you eating in the dark on my bed?

I’m sure anyone can fuck a belly button if they have a fetish and a small enough dick

stop molesting her ear

so her tummy was open?

yeah, it was

so now she doesn’t have any bones?

w h a t ?

you need to learn to keep your blood

blood is for drinking, not living

i am bsexudkal

i have no king, im an anarchist

The Council Knows, Kaia. You Will Be Tried For Your Sins.

wake up

I made someone scream with my stick

HOLA I JUST CAME BACK FROM HAWAII

We’re gonna be talking about diseases

Fantastic! i LOVE talking about myself!

i thought i could turn the tables…. but the tables turned me!

on?

i’m turned on by tables

bullets are just gun jizz

GUINNEA BUISSEAU IS JUST GUN JIZZ

i have the bladder of a god

i’m sick, as compensation buy me new shoelaces

if you have a canker sore does that mean you have herpes?

duncan blew a thing

can you get better tea?

(offended) better tEETH?

i get my gender validation from a pokemon game

i bet you my room smells like egg… ass

finals week (and the week before)

please don’t talk about furries -my science teacher

the smiley face is frowning upon us

if you want to tp a tree, you tp it so well the best way to clean it up is to cut it down -also my science teacher

i think i have kidney stones up my nose

when someone tells you to hold your horses they’re telling you to be stable (in the middle of the final)

airport quotes (2018)

it’s like a velociraptor with a gun that shoots… sadness

my vibrator fell out of my bag

here's to a new year of learning and/or doing jack shit. sophomore edition coming next year. :)

#high school #school #gen z #gen z culture #long post

15 notes · View notes