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kyri45 · 6 months ago

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✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 21/11✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hi! Would Macaque kidnap Wukong again? I read your comic, the last page, where Macaque is the kidnapping expert. And I'm very curious about it. Anyway, I love your comics! You are awesome.

Haha I don't think they really need it unless they want to do a "traditional wedding courtnapping" but it would be pretty odd since they kind of already live togehter.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know this is definitely a LONG ways away, but, imagine: Wukong and Macaque playing the newlyweds game. What questions? What answers? Who’s asking the questions? Who’s getting the most right?

I wont list all the lesson but I think Macaque would get most of them right just because Wukong never really changed a lot during the years, while Macaque went through different stages of his life, and and he has new hobbies and tastes.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will mk have a nightmare about LBD? If yes Then we will have some angst with fluffy monkeys family moments!!!

Oh he has. He has many. Most of them he has while he is at pigsy's.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can you please shows up a flashback backstory on how MK/Wukong discovered/found out/came out as trans?? 🙏🙏🙏 Banana sundae with chocolate sauce, rainbow sprinkles, THREE cherries, and a super-deluxe one-and-only Monkie King™️ collectible spoon???

Anonimo ha chiesto: will we see any past Shadowpeach?? I’m interested to see how you frame their dynamic back 5en.

Hahah maybe in the future, I'll see

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can we get Wukong telling dad jokes? Please, I’m begging i want to see MK laughing and Macaque just being so disappointed with Wukong yet so smitten. I want to see more Monkey family domestic blissss. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I don't have my dad jokes book here but man give Macaque an award for the patience he has with these two children

@goofybearclown ha chiesto: Hi :3 Just wanted to say I love your shadowpeach and cotl AU!!! I didn't notice you made both at first but when I did I was like "waow :0". Tbh your works are in my top 3 series on Tumblr! @fenikzia ha chiesto: I love your LMK comic so much, I look forward to reading the new additions to it when they come out every other day,and reading your comic just makes my day better. Even if it hasn't updated a particular day, I make sure to go back and reread the newest part.Keep doing what you're doing and make sure to take breaks! @skye-minecraftyt-blog ha chiesto: You! I like you! Your Bio parents Lmk au always makes me extremely happy and I regularly reread it. ((o(^∇^)o)) Just wanted to say it @blazeandsilver ha chiesto: Hello, I just wanted to say your artwork is absolutely stunning, it makes my day whenever I see that you posted something new to the BioParents comic. Please keep up the good work and be sure to take some time for yourself, you’re important too.

AWWWWWW THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hihi shadowpeach au question: You mentioned in the latest comic that Mac is more lean and skinny than Wukong. Will we ever see the full extent of that?? ALSO I ADORE YOUR ART OMG ❤️❤️

A fully naked Macaque you say? Maybe.... who knows....

Anonimo ha chiesto: I come to defend Wukong acting like a man looking at a victorian lady ankles, he hasn’t seen his (ex) husband’s fur in centuries. And he probably hasn’t socialize in years either besides MK and the gang. Romantically he is stunned right? I doubt he has even looked at anyone besides Macaque anyways…

Honestly I like to think that Macaque was the only being in all the universe that was eer able to make him flustered

@mochalikesdrawing ha chiesto: So I got a question, will we ever get to see kaiju MK again?

I have a scene post AU I would like to draw. Maybe.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Ignoring all the angst because it is crushing my soul /pos, I'm lowkey convinced that Macaque knows Wukong feels some kind of way about him because he can hear his heartbeat go crazy at certain moments and isn't dumb, but just isn't calling Wukong on it because he's still trying to sort his own feelings first. BUT ONCE HE DOES OH BOY-

Hahah Macaque knows perfectly well Wukong is down for him. In the meantime Wukong is alwasy afraid he's just imagining things bc he's dense af.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Do you think Wukong and macaque would be cuddling and macaque would be watching something scary and Wukong would be trying to not pay attention to it because he hates scary stuff or would it be the other way around?

yess

@ep2nd ha chiesto: In your shadowpeach bio parents au, if MK and Wukong were created by Nuwa, with Nuwa using Macaque and Wukong as a base, has anyone wondered who created Macaque? And does Macaque himself knows?

Wait Nuwa created Wukong? If that's so I think then all the 5 monkeys were made by her, for some reason.

@boonalina ha chiesto: Sooo what exactly is the courtnapping process like? Is it just a simple "I'm gonna pick you up and carry you away" or is it an entire ceremony? Does someone have to lure the person into place? For example, Mei bringing Redson over to a secluded spot so that Mk can "courtnap" him? (Side note: I've been in this fandom for around two years now, and this comic is what made me find out about courtnapping lol)

I "think" anything that can be counted as like a sneak attack that takes them out of guard and brings them to the designated courtnapped room can be considered as courtnapping technically.

Anonimo ha chiesto: ... Hey so your shadow peach bio parent AU is better way better than season five. WOAH, WHO SAID THAT!! (no but seriously it is like a sitcom I tune on ever so often. Much love 🫶)

Haha thank you! That's a HUGE statement!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I wonder if MK has any unique attributes/abilities as a living mass of celestial material?

He's such a cocktail ofdifferent energies I wouldn't be surprised he is able to glow in the dark.

@cjtuy ha chiesto: I do have a question it's mainly about pigsy and tang when and how long have they been together as a couple and did both of them find mk are they married ?

They have been together for almost a year, but I don't think they are married, but maybe that could happen in the future??? But yeah MK found out a little after season 5 that they are together, that was also the same time he started calling Tang "Papa"

Anonimo ha chiesto: Has macaque added any personal items to the house? Like is he moved in? Have Wukong and macaque improved or changed anything else besides making the bed bigger?

Yes he did! Half of his belongins are in FFM, althought he's a little more minimalistic than Wukong. He also have been bothering Wukong to death so that he can finally organize his stuff (and they were roomates

Anonimo ha chiesto: I feel like if they were to play Minecraft or something macaque would be the base mom. He would be the only one to remember to farm food to not starve. The others would probably forget all the time that hunger is a thing in game. Wukong or Mk: oh dang does anyone have food I'm starving Macaque: (always brings extra for this reason) "sighs" yes

AH!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Remember the Minor Scale episode, from season 2? Where MK learn how to shrink himself? And there’s also the final episode of that season where MK just grow very big to try to fight LBD. I just love that part of his power and I have seen very little people showing it. Like, sometimes that power can show up when the poor boy is experiencing overwhelming emotions that can’t be contained anymore, or pure exhaustion. For example, Having many responsibility can lead to a lot of stress and exhaustion and at some point MK just can’t do more and just become tiny, not able to do more. On the opposite, maybe he experience trauma again through a nightmare (like about azure for example) and the emotional burden is to much and he just becomes big because of that. You see my vision? I love sizeshifting base on emotions :)

Aww and i love emotion-based powers, they are just so easy to play around.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Tbh the show should let macaque have a motorcycle. Wukong gets to be passenger princess

Yesss

Anonimo ha chiesto: as we get into the colder months i like to imagine MK’s first winter coat and he’s all super fluffy and warm

Cool for the monkey parents, bad for pigsy and all the hair in the restaurant from sheeding.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think it would be so funny if MKs rock hadn't been cracked and he'd been raised on FFM by wukong. If the same thing happens in the show macaque planning to take mks powers thinking he's just Wukongs student but then while macaque and MK are training. Since macaque is so close he notices his ears. (Being raised by a monkey he gets his form sooner) suddenly putting everything on hold busting into FFM and is like WUKONG WTF

There's a fic on AO3 about it it's A Son of Two Dads

@cheese-hommo ha chiesto: Hii, fiesta I want to say I love how you draw and everything, it just looks so cool and beautiful. Now, with the last chapter of Monkey parents Au and so, with the acknowledgement of the demon etiquette and else, DBK and Wukong really misunderstand the comfort scene for a confession? Or something more? It was just so funny seeing the two of them getting so embarrassed at the end 🙂‍↕️

Ah, 2 young demons in their true forms so close to each other, blushing? Scandalous.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I've seen Mk is his Lego merch- he gots a tooth gap- so does this MK have one or did he get it filled?

Wait that was a tooth gap??? I though it was like, a detail of the smile

Anonimo ha chiesto: 🎤 what is your official (if any) opinion on Ink MK? (as a character, plot device, literary parallel, what have you)

It's ok. I personally believe "shadow" version of one character with their own fears and doubts is a clique a little bit too much used. But they give a lot of angst.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Thoughts on Macaque knowing either Japanese or Korean due to him liking anime.

I'll give you one better. Macaque always traveled to Japan pretty frequently during the centuries. Then became a weeb

Anonimo ha chiesto: Maybe it's just me but Wukong looks a bit thicker each time, is it because his fur's thickening or is he getting chubbier ??????? Anyway luv ur art

Both.

#ask box #shadowpeach bio parents au

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allthingswhumpyandangsty · 5 days ago

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I don't know if this is the right place to vent this, but since this is a writing/fandom blog, I'll give it a try. Apologies in advance if my message feels out of the place.

So... has anyone, like me, ever felt "unwanted" by their fandom?

Context: I write for a small fandom (1,500 works on AO3), and I write there from the beginning and foundation (4 years). The thing is: I don't write in English, I write and post in my first language, so my audience was always been very restricted, even if there were (and still are!) a couple of kind souls who translate with Google my stories and read it. I am the most prolific writer in this fandom. And that's a fact: counting the numbers of words published, I am the one who has written more in the whole section. Despite all of this, I have never gotten the chance to become a "fandom big" because of the language barrier. That's okay, I can survive, and I still write every day to update my ongoing longs. Anyway, since this fandom is very small, we are also thirsty for content. Every time an artist posts a single fan art on Tumblr (good or bad or mid) everyone flocks and reblog, putting nice tags and kind words of support. Every time I update a fic (I'm the only one writing regularly)... radio silence. I know they don't own me anything. And it's okay if they don't want to try to engage with my writing, but still... it breaks my heart. It's like I'm invisible. And what's worse... when people talk about our fandom stories on Tumblr they always refer to old fics, to authors who didn't update their stories in years... it's always like they are excluding me on purpose. And I don't know why. When I try to engage, to leave a nice comment on a fic or on a piece of art... they don't even acknowledge me. They always act super enthusiastic when an artist makes a new drawing... but when I put a new chapter, a new story... nothing.

And what's worst: when a "fandom king" makes a post about a headcanon or something... it's always something that goes against something I've written in one of my stories. As they're trying to say: "Don't read those stories. What the author is trying to say is just rubbish. Don't even acknowledge them. "

I don't even know if I'm just being paranoid because I have always been ostracized as a kid and even in my teen years... so it's like a curse I can't wash off myself, and I see people pushing me aside because I'm still suffering from this.

Sorry for the vent... I just would like to hear another voice about my situation. I don't have friends, and even when I try to make "fandom friends", well... I'm not so lucky, as you can see.

Thank you if you would like to read my message. I send a big hug to anyone who is suffering from this kind of issue.

anon, I fully believe this is a language barrier thing. you can’t expect people to engage with you when they can’t engage with something that’s, I assume, in language they don’t understand. and don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing in other languages that aren’t English. but the thing is that you can’t expect people to engage with something that’s not in the language they know, it’s… just not possible. because even if they want to, they just don’t understand what the work even is about.

and Google translate is actually shit when it comes to actually translating. you only get what the text is about (and even then there’s still a 50/50 chance the translation will be off completely) but not the actual feeling, something that can only be translated by humans and not robots, that’s why most people don’t use google translate to help read fics or books in languages they don’t understand. I also know when most people search for a fic to read, they only search for their language and filter out fics that aren’t in their language altogether. so that’s why. I don’t think they’re trying to exclude you, I just think that it’s impossible for them to engage with your works. and I want to make it clear that I am in no way saying you should only write in English, all I’m saying is if your works are in languages that (some) people don’t speak, then they’re not gonna be able to read your works because google translate sucks at translating and if they don’t even have a glimpse of what the works are about, they’re not gonna bother trying to translate them in the first place.

again, this isn’t to say “oh you should write in English” or “works that are written in English are better” at all. write in the language you’re most comfortable with because at the end of the day you should be writing for you. just, you know, don’t get discouraged if people can’t engage with your works.

*also wanted to add that you can’t expect people’s headcanon to fit yours either. I mean headcanon don’t even fit canon. it’s all about the creativity and imagination of artists, you can’t expect them to think like you. that’s not how fandoms work. people will have their own hcs / interpretations of the characters, just because they’re different from yours doesn’t mean they’re trying to throw shade at you. even my own friends in the fandom I’m in and write for have headcanons that are the complete opposite of my fics. and it’s fun to see different perspectives from people. you don’t have to agree with them. but I really don’t think they’re insulting you by posting headcanon that go against your fics, I just think they’re just having fun and having their own interpretations of the characters.

#admin answers #writing #writer #writers #writeblr #ao3 #archive of our own #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #fandoms

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ko-existing · 1 month ago

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I don’t understand your comment on “divatakesontruth” anon ask not wanting to answer or read an ask is completely okay but shaming others for seeking out help when they are not in the right headspace is kinda messed up ,you don’t even own that person niceness be normal or say nothing at all a lot of ND teachings reach young confused people not giving them any grace is very cruel.

genuinely confused

The original ask I received wasn’t short. It was a long, detailed message — one I didn’t post — where the anon went back and forth between wanting to manifest a dream life, feeling guilty for desiring it, flipping between different roles, feeling stuck, referencing multiple concepts, and expressing a wish they’d never learned about any of it. Paraphrased, they said:

“I don’t know what to manifest exactly… I daydream about it for 5 years… I feel like I am abandoning my family if I get it… I’m afraid I will lose comfort… I wish I never heard of any of this… I miss me enjoying life and believing in my religion fully…”

It was full of contradictions, doubt, and mental spiraling — which again, is not an insult, but an observation. One I pointed out because we all read it.

What I said (“this is A & B, x & y, without seeing what’s being pointed to”) wasn’t shaming them �� it was directly describing the state of the ask. Saying "It's impressive how anons send asks to multiple blogs" was a serious statement, it's genuinely impressive and a pattern I've seen everywhere on tumblr. It's impressive to me because I'm not originally from tumblr and have only seen it on tumblr first.

Pointing out someone swimming in concepts without pausing to question the one who's caught in the middle of it all, is not cruelty, at least not to me — it’s pointing out the structure of the confusion and the habit many, though I didn't elaborate because that comment was directed at Diva. We interact with each other regularly

This has nothing to do with not giving “grace” or not being “nice.” It has everything to do with pointing out a habit and whatever I just read with the full context, not the short version. When a concept like AV or No Concept (which is a concept) is brought into a manifesting question split so heavily, and the two are blurred or confused, it’s important to see what's actually being asked — and from where instead of asking ontop of asking and instead of clicking from A to B to ask C and D while waiting for E and F. And again, I wasn't replying to them, my comment was understood by Diva.

You can’t resolve that conflict with another set of spiritual answers from X amounts of blogs. Not a single answer that will ever be given by anyone solves that especially if the two parties are speaking about different things entirely or have a different understanding of it.

My answers being perceived as direct or mean is nothing new, it's been like that since our first post. I don't like using emojis, I stopped using tone indicators and there's no need to use them, I was speaking to a friend and we know each other, she knows my tone, I replied to her, she replied back.

No matter what answer is given from any blog, it'll soothe for minutes before the next questions arises. A split topic of A & B, this & that, them & me, isn't a topic that is solved with questions and answers.

You only saw the end of the ask sent to Diva. I had the full version. So when I responded, I was speaking with more context than what was visible to you. This isn’t about being right or harsh — it’s just that I had the whole pattern, interacted with Diva and spoke about a general habit.

I'll add a gif before anyone asks what my tone here is

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xelbleedsglitter · 2 months ago

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Are there discord art communities that are decently populated by adults but are also not...

Game design bros? This was the only kind of art I used to see on ArtStation and is why I didn't bother staying there. It just seemed it was not meant for illustrators or for people who weren't working in a brown hyper realism CGI way.

Or maybe just art communities in general?

Have a really hard time maintaining more than one sort of social media presence if Tumblr even counts as such a thing. I hate Instagram I hate Twitter. I don't understand how they work, I can't interact with anybody.

DeviantART has been super dead for a long time, but if there are people who know that there are still living bodies on there I could try to upload the last year and a half worth of shit I've done. Looking at it, I appear to have given up last December.

I want to do more original things. I'm really kind of embarrassed about how long it's been since I've done original things regularly. I have approximately 7 trillion original characters that just exist and I could do things with.

Need some sort of way to get something moving. People seem to like Andrina's look, I could draw more of her. Banshee rarely disappoints me.

Maybe I am just bad at interacting with people? People online used to tell me that I intimidated and scared them so???? Don't know what to do with that information.

I don't know, but if you got any good ideas just kind of poke me in the right direction, that would be swell

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artist-ellen · 1 year ago

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Housekeeping Updates!

So just in case you don't know Meta has made the decision to start scraping everything anyone posts to their new AI. There isn't really a way to opt out either. In some countries you can lodge a formal complaint, but even that doesn't mean your photos or art won't be used despite your wishes.

In a twist no one could have seen coming (sarcasm)... people are leaving or deleting their work. Many artists are going to Cara, an app that is still in Beta mode. I opened an account there as well but am unsure yet if I will post regularly to. I will most likely post my 'official portfolio' there but I don't know if there will be people who aren't artists on the site. So as an art venture it would be great... but on the hopes of connecting with my existing audience? To be seen or shared to people who might commission me? The odds aren't so good.

Lots of decisions to make I'm afraid. At the moment I will be posting my regular content here on Tumblr and to my Patreon (I've had it for years but wasn't using it actively, shout out to the two people who stayed following me over there, you're the coolest). But I won't be posting regularly to Instagram like I was. In fact I've decided to actively delete most of my art from Instagram. And since I can't count on Tumblr to house and categorize and find all that work from over the past four years I've decided to effectively use Patreon as my Archive.

All day I've been copying over my old posts to Patreon, and setting them up in a schedule so they will post once a day for... a very long time. I've barely moved a 100 redesign posts over and I'm into February next year... it's a slow and slightly monotonous process but I think it will be worth it! So if you want to relive my original redesigns on a daily basis they are over at my Patreon. I've set nearly all of them to "all members" so you don't have to be on the paid tier to see them. Only some the oldest/first draft redesigns and some behind the scene screenshots will be for my 'Support System' <3

I am looking into glazing and what not but they have to reply to a DM? or something odd like that so I'm looking at various options while I figure things out. Will this crush my tiny art business? Maybe. Will I do this in protest anyway? Yeah. F Meta. (Holds in tirade about the state of megacorporations owning our data)

TLDR: Meta wants everybody to feed their ai for free, I'm removing posts from IG and archiving them onto my Patreon for all members. I'm still going to be posting on tumblr.

xoxoxo

#ellenart #ellen artistic #screw meta with a spikey baseball bat #patreon #coloring books #things won't really change here #my IG will be cleaned out #and will be more about my business stuff #rather than art

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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 3 months ago

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hey! i really resonate with the stuff you say about community building and shared responsibility and activism and resistance... it really vibes with something in me. you also espouse values of sympathy and meeting people where they're at to a degree a lot of people in my experience just aren't willing to try, at least with my particular situation, because it gets called "impossible" or just written off as a "lost cause" a lot, i was wondering if you would potentially have any advice for this? (please feel free to not engage if this is too long, i know i am... A lot.)

basically, i can't leave my house, as in, i can't make it out the front door (i go to medical appointments sometimes but they're an all-day affair that basically wipes me out for the next 24 hours). i've been... REALLY struggling to build community like this, especially since my roomates don't want other people in the house without them wearing masks and doing tests first (we all have severe chronic postviral illness and can't isolate from each other if we get sick), and i've tried to meet people on apps and such, but none of them have been willing to do any of that before coming to my house, and usually they bow out once they realize i don't have my own bedroom anyway (none of us do, two room basement apartment babyyyy lol, one bedroom one dual-use common area/kitchen). i feel, like, really brutally isolated and like i'm not able to resist, but more than that, like i'm not even able to build my own community to survive whats oncoming. i keep trying social media, but it keeps making me want to explode, everyone on every single platform i've tried is so combative and the culture is just awful, and i haven't made inroads into a single group in years at this point despite regularly posting and replying to people on tumblr, instagram, and recently, also bluesky.

asking for advice often gets me advice on how to get over social anxiety and leave the house, but i dont know how to tell people that i just can't leave, i don't have the fortune to live in an accessible building so getting me out of the building can take over an hour on its own and leaves me in so much pain and exhaustion i can barely stay awake for the doctors. and i can't move at this point because like the entire hud department got laid off and the social worker i talked to last week basically said if she was giving it straight to me she was pretty sure subsidized housing wouldn't open again for at least this presidential term, probably longer. we get to live here for only $100 a month each because we got a shady under the table deal and theres just nowhere else in my city i can live at this point because the minimum rent for a studio apartment is nearly twice as much as the ssi limit. really i just feel like i lack imagination, i can't wrap my head around how to build community and solidarity, i can't figure out how to get people to pay attention and welcome me into their community with these limitations.

no pressure to respond, i know this is a complicated and really personal situation and i'm not expecting you to have advice, i just thought if anyone would, it'd be you. none of this is really helped by having no privacy and no windows (so rarely getting any sun) and seeing the same 4 walls all day every day making me really, deeply depressed. it's hard to untangle what's a real barrier and what's depression making it hard for me to imagine possibilities.

I need you (and the audience that will see this post) to understand that I am giving you a difficult answer with love.

You said something at the end here that I'm gonna contextualize a little for you. "It's hard to untangle what's a real barrier and what's depression making it hard for me to imagine possibilities."

Can you do me a favor anon? Grab a piece of paper and a pencil and then please read back through your ask. Mark down for me the number of times you named a "can't do", and mark down in a separate tally the number of times you named a "can do". As in, the things you named that are not available or accessible to you or that you cannot do or obtain vs the things you named that you do have access to or resources to do/obtain/etc. Next, read through once more and mark down for me the number of times you criticised yourself and/or apologized for yourself, regardless of whether or not you believe it was necessary/relevant to do so. And lastly, I would like you to read back over this post [link here and below] and tell me how many of the things named (e.g. taking photos or digitizing/preserving old records, making conversation in a shared digital or in person space, planting wildflowers somewhere, making art or sharing your thoughts in a discussion space, etc) are things that are RARELY or SOMETIMES or OFTEN a thing that is accessible for you.

This is a big ask on my part, but an important one for the following reasons:

I do not know who you are. You are literally an anonymous text message on social media to me. So the only context and knowledge I have of you is what is in this ask right here right now. Even if you reply and give me more context, I will never know for certainty that this next anonymous response is the same person (will I be fairly sure if it is? Maybe! But that's not the same thing as being able to know confidently enough to make inferences about this ask or future ones by assuming they were made by the same person. That's not a very responsible way to interact with anonymity.)

And unfortunately you have given me VERY little to work with here. You are asking me for advice to help you build community, but all I know about you is that you are ashamed of your presence in my space, you are feeling hopeless and frightened, and you believe you are not capable of surviving this moment in your life as things stand. Anon, this is not just a description of depression. This is a description of a trauma response associated with escalated depressive symptoms and associated with a risk in suicidal behavior and erosion of psycho-social-emotional resilience to intrusive suicidal ideation. [Follow the citation Daisy Chain and explore this idea further yourself please!

Trauma responses make it legitimately difficult and sometimes even impossible to adequately call upon the executive functioning skills we depend on higher brain function for, including problem solving, emotional regulation, and risk/safety assessment. Additionally, when these reactions become persistent/chronic and pervasive in our lives, it can affect our long term physiological health. Many people may have heard of the ACE Study conducted many years ago by Kaiswr Permanente, and while the ACE survey [link here and below] remains a standardizeable assessment that can help predict the level of trauma assessment and care a person may need, our understanding of the role of trauma in damaging long term physical and mental health when it is un-/under-managed has only grown since KP published their initial results. We understand that trauma can affect the brain, not just procedurally, but in cognitive and physiological structuring. We know these effects can heal with time, care, and safe environments. We know that chronic and traumatic stress significantly impact the autonomic nervous system and that the secondary dysautonomia that can result from trauma-related parasympathetic nervous system deconditioning is a major part of the physiological changes that can follow, such as changes to embodied processes of endocrine production, blood pressure and circulation, immune function, reproductive health, sexual satisfaction and comofrt, and so much more.

I cannot stress enough anon that while I do not know you, nor do I know enough about you to understand exactly how and why you have found yourself in this conversation, I strongly suspect that you need to have a serious conversation with yourself and possibly a trusted friend, loved one, or community aid worker, about how many of your basic needs are actually being met right now and what can be done to build a functional and safe floor under you. I cannot stress enough that you should not be pushing yourself to "community build" right now, but to "resource seek". This will still (likely) lead to community building in the end! But the order of operations here in how you prioritize your energy could really matter right now.

I talk a lot, and quite openly in tense dialectics that rarely 100% mesh with each other despite all being authentic and true, about my role in this work and its impact on my mental health. I do not necessarily talk about what has gone into making that feasible for me to do. This is partly a responsibility thing. I would absolutely hate for someone to read me talk about this stuff, treat it like a checklist, and get hurt because what was right for me wasn't right for them, but they trusted me more than they trusted their own pain as it was happening. This would be the worst case scenario for me in ways I truly can't describe, it's why I try more and more to acknowledge when I am and am not able to comment on certain things or make certain assertions, etc.

For now tho, lets suspend that and demonstrate EXACTLY what the work I do takes for me personally to sustain:

I see my therapist weekly.

I see my psychiatrist monthly

I meet AT LEAST weekly with my supervisor to go over skills, work that needs doing, policy work, ethical issues, resource navigation, growth, etc. Ever since the inauguration, my supervisor and I have never met for less than FIVE HOURS A WEEK to discuss these need areas.

I meet monthly with my entire department for a peer support program that we alternate facilitating. It can function as additional supervision and feedback, but often is just us making space for ourselves in a closed environment where we all understand each others contexts

I run 3 separate group chats, 1) a space for clinical, legal, and advocacy knowledge sharing, 2) a space for "open processing hours" where any of my department may pop in at any time to express they need to talk through something with someone, offer a brief description, and receive consultation and support from myself or a peer, and 3) a space for me and a couple of my staff who came up in the organization with me and are friends to cope together with the impact of our various de-radicalization works

I have a LOT of people I share this work with. For one, I there's all my direct reports at work in my day job, but ALSO there are people I have met and known over the years who I regularly or intermittently check in with and seek support from/offer help to. Not all of these people are what I would call "friends" but they are absolutely all "community". Understanding the difference between these two terms for me has been critical in not burning myself out or harming myself trying to be friends with everyone I need to be in community with while still allowing me to be **friendly** with everyone I'm in community with.

I am fortunate enough to be working for a person and organization who shares my values and priorities, and pays me well enough to allow me to devote most of my time to work through this org while still regularly calling on the tools of the organization to support the work I do outside of it, including material resources, aid referrals, human contribution, etc. Many of my staff do the same with me. One of my department staff (not direct report) has used the credentials our organization allows them to acheive to facilitate intra-communal mental health and community welfare initiatives on the reservation where they grew up. Another routinely sources emergency resource/aid requests that they receive in their community safety work with survivors of domestic violence. Another of my former direct reports has been volunteering in Palestine because they had an existing background in refugee support and had discussed with me heavily the role of our work in genocide prevention and response. None of these people are doing everything, but together, we are doing so much more than any of us ever imagined.

Because of the work I do, and the skills myself and my wife have, my wife currently manages our household while I work. This can get dicey at times and we are often deeply cash poor, but resource wise, together we have created a system that guarantees (as much as anything can) the following floor: 1) we will always have a roof over our head, 2) we will always have food to eat, 3) we will always have something to do for fun or relaxation, 4) we will always have somewhere we can go/something we can do if one of the first three things changes.

I have people in my life who help me walk away from these things when need be. Partners, friends, family, whatever the case may be, and while not every one of these people will be the right person to call every time, every one of them is the right person to call SOME of the time, and across the spectrum there are very few times when I have no one to turn to for space to have my feelings or let go of the stress

Despite ALL of this, the stress of what I do, compounded with my medical and mental health disabilities means that I have been in severe malnutrition for a very long time, and have been in slow rolling organ failure for at least a year (had my first surgical intervention exactly 12 months as of February in fact). I receive weekly injections and monthly infusions to keep my upright, walking, and talking at this point (fingers crossed this program takes and I can be done in April lmfao). My wife works from home in part because we can afford for her to, but also in part because we can't afford for her NOT to. My health requires semi-constant supervision and honestly I should have gotten a PCA years ago now to help me shower and manage my meds and other such things, but ee can't afford private pay and insurance says because I'm married I don't need it 🙃

I don't say any of this as inspiration porn. This isn't AT ALL me seeing "oh look how brave I am, if I can do it so can you." It is the opposite. I mean it when I say I want no one in the world to ever have to live the way I do. No matter how just the cause for doing this to yourself. But I **can**. I know how. I have been doing it my whole life. The balancing act is fragile but it persists and I survive to fight another day. Not everyone will be able to say the same. Every single pair of feet on the path will matter. So mine will be there.

This is now an incredibly long non-answer, so I'm gonna try and tidy up the threads of it here:

The golden rule of any support work is that you can't help anybody if you're fucking dead. So you need to know what it means to meet your needs, before anything else, and you need to know how much wiggle room you have to push that before it does more harm (to you AND your work) than good. Anon, I really hope you find community because it can mean so desperately much to each and every one of us. But I hope you find safety first. Because it can be deeply painful and counter-productive to try and find the former without first having at least some semblance of the other.

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todidot · 3 months ago

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The Development of Four and Legato's Friendship in LU Doppelgänger AU: Part 1

Ok so if you are here and you don’t know what LU Doppelgänger AU is—you are in the wrong place because this is basically me screaming about it for multiple pages! If you are still here despite that disclaimer—welcome!

Part 1 since this is already way too long. This covers events from Puppet Show to Velveteen Rabbit!

@starlight-eclipsed is the writer for the series and I strongly recommend giving it a chance! The series gave me severe brain rot hence this entire post so give it some love if you enjoyed me screaming about it here!

(Also shoutout to Kit_Kat_Weirdo_27 on ao3 on chapter 1 of Matrioshka Brain for causing this! They made a comment mentioning Four and Legato’s relationship which triggered this entire thing!)

Four and Legato's relationship is one of my favorites in the LU Doppelgänger series and it's partly due to the exploration of Four as a character.

Four in Linked Universe

When comparing the main series–Linked Universe which will be referred to as LU throughout this–Four isn’t particularly close to any member of the group. He’s a good teammate—willing to lend a helping hand or listening ear but there is no one that he regularly seeks out in LU.

Though that can change thanks to some recent developments in LU (e.g. Wild knowing about the Four Sword’s ability and Four and Wild subsequent reconciliation, Four, Wind, and Time teaming up in the dungeon). In general, Four doesn’t have many individual conversations with members and mainly interacts with everyone in larger group settings. We know that he is close to Twilight on account of Four knowing about him being Wolfie. He and Twilight also go exploring the town in Divine Dark Reflections pt1 so they do seek each other out to explore together occasionally. He is also seen working with Legend and Hyrule to create Wild’s new sword the first time. Additionally, if the doodles are canon, Time would be privy to Four’s ability to shrink to Minish size. He and Time are seen fighting as a duo in some fights and make use of their size difference well so there is familiarity there as well. However despite all of this, we don’t really see Four consistently interact with any one character. He gets along well with each member but he doesn’t seem to be particularly close to any of them individually.

(We don't see him interact as much with Wind, Sky, or Warriors but in larger group settings they seem to get along fine. He is seen bandaging Sky in one doodle though! He, Wind, and Legend also get into an argument during Sunset Arc about Twilight's usage of Twili magic.)

There is a chance of Four and Wild becoming closer though since Wild is now the only character aware of the Four Sword’s ability and they’ve gone through a major fight and reconciliation. That sort of event usually helps characters in understanding the other better and the vulnerability revealed usually aids in bringing people closer. Furthermore, the dungeon trio of Time, Wind, and Four has the potential for some more insight into how Four interacts with other members of the group.

Four has an interesting role in the group dynamic in the sense that he’s in an ambiguous age region. He’s a young hero but he doesn’t showcase it in the way that someone like Wind does. He’s got his own pride but it’s been tempered by experience and patience. I honestly view him in a similar way to how Four perceives Legato in LU Doppelgänger AU. In an ask that Starlight-Eclipsed answered on tumblr, Four believes Legato is older than he appears because "Legato doesn't think like a child" specifically how Legato thinks in the long-term and how his worldview isn't centered around himself--which isn't bad but just a symptom of a developing worldview. This same line of thinking is applied to Four in LU because he's small but he's too mature, self-assured, and considerate to be a truly young hero. It’s evident in how the other heroes treat Four in LU as well. We see the older heroes trying to protect Wind early on in the series and he calls them out on it but Four doesn’t get the same treatment.

I think a good example of how mature Four is in the comic is in the swords comic in which Four protests against picking up the Master Sword. In that comic, he calls out the other heroes for pushing him for his reasoning because they're also hiding secrets. However, once he sees everyone's reaction to his words, he defuses the situation—soothes the tensions by being lighthearted about it which gets Wild and Legend to join in. He has high emotional intelligence and is able to stand up for himself without increasing tensions within a group. He’s very familiar with working with individuals with colorful personalities and knows when to assert himself and when to lighten up. It’s a very good scene demonstrating Four’s maturity.

Though he definitely has his childish moments like in the comic when your fish story turns into a “fish story” in which he is regaling his adventures to the group without telling them he spent it being very very small. Generally though, Four’s ability as a hero is never called into question and his age is rarely commented on.

Four and Legato in LU Doppelgänger AU

Anyway I think that's enough on Four's relationships in LU, now let's talk about his relationships in LU Doppelgänger AU! Most of his relationships with the others are the same with the exception of Wild and Hyrule and this is directly due to the addition of Legato into this adventure. In the LU, Four is on good terms with these two heroes but he isn't especially close to them. Wild's weapons and his treatment of them step on his pride as a blacksmith and he takes that as a challenge to make a sword that can hold up against Wild's treatment. Four creates this sword with the help of Legend and Hyrule but outside of this interaction, these characters aren't seen talking together often.

In LU Doppelgänger AU, Four has Legato.

Legato and Four have many similarities though Four isn't aware of all of them currently. They're experienced heroes who have been on multiple quests but more importantly they've been on quests in which teamwork was a core lesson. As such, they both came into this adventure with a solid understanding of how to work in a team and navigating conflicting personalities. This helps them integrate in the team and generally get along with others. They also have some shared interests: mainly weaponry and magic enchantment. Furthermore, Four's a career blacksmith with a Minish magic background and Legato had a (unfinished) blacksmith apprenticeship and a broad magical expertise. This results in the two of them being able to bounce ideas off each other about their differing expertise and filling in the gaps in the other's knowledge.

Most importantly, there's an equality between the two of them. Four is currently the only hero with suspicions that Legato is older than he appears--much like Four himself--but regardless of that, Four never treats Legato as a child. I think that is partly that Four is able to see past Legato's physical appearance and judge him based on his actions since many of the other heroes see his short stature and general positive disposition and assume that it's because Legato is young without looking too far into it. Admittedly, Legato is playing into that assumption but he's honestly not doing much to sell the act and just relying on the others' biases.

Puppet Show

In chapter 1 of Puppet Show, Legato receives a Jabbernut from Four. This is the first meeting of the entire group so everyone is wary around each other and trying to create order. Legato, in particular, is going through it in that chapter. Comparing chapter 1 of Puppet Show Legato to the Legato we see later on in the series, it is immediately obvious that he is reeling from the situation. Albeit, Legato’s version of freaking out is all internal with only a few physical signs but he is definitely worried that he just potentially erased the version of his brothers that Legato–as Legend–went on this adventure with originally. Physically, Legato is withdrawn and observes the group instead of conversing with them and fidgeting throughout the entire chapter. When he does contribute, he’s noted to be mumbling instead of his usual outgoing and friendly behavior in later installments. While the fidgeting isn’t necessarily a sign that Legato is anxious since he picked up the habit from his most recent adventure–it combined with his unusual silence demonstrates how unnerved by the whole situation Legato is. Moving on towards his thoughts throughout the chapter, there is this constant grief that underpins all of Legato’s thoughts.

Legato’s first assumption was that this was a dream since he mentions already checking if was having another dream adventure. Legend is immensely haunted by Koholint Island and Marin so that speaks volumes on just how much Legato is freaked out. He’s constantly getting the fact that these aren’t his brothers thrown into his face during the entirety of chapter 1 of Puppet Show and it hurts him deeply. He knows the story beats already but the others don’t and it shows. They don’t know him. They’re winded after the encounter with the first black-blooded monsters. They’re not his brothers. But, they look like them and he misses them so much. He’s constantly comparing them to his group and the loss of them drags down his enthusiasm. After the encounter in the woods, he stays behind to clean his blade and he comes to the conclusion that he will stick around to ensure that this group will stay together because collectively, the group heals and supports each other. Legato won’t risk destroying his brothers even if they do not know him.

Anyway, Legato is going through it and no one has noticed since they don’t have a baseline expectation of Legato’s behavior. But this is very telling on what sort of mindset Legato is entering this adventure with. Legato is sticking around because he cares about his brothers but he doesn’t really see himself as part of the group. He’s just a tag-along that isn’t supposed to be there but is.

Due to Legato’s prior experience with his group–now referred to as Chain ver. 1–he already knows some secrets and vulnerabilities of the other heroes so while he is grieving, he also has a generally positive and empathetic perspective of the new group–now referred to as Chain ver. 2.

Four, on the other hand, has none of this. This is the first meeting after all and he has no expectations of any of the other heroes yet. Legato remarks that Four gave him a jabbernut in chapter 2 of Puppet Show, though the actual action occurs during chapter 1 off-screen. Legato specifically mentions that Four walked up to Legato and offered him the jabbernut while Legato was hanging back from the group discussion. At that point, everyone was speaking different languages due to how vast the time between each era is so Four took the prerogative to ensure stable communication once he came to the conclusion everyone was non-hostile. Legato isn’t a special consideration at this point and Four is literally the only hero that can solve the language issue given the fact that jabbernuts only appear in his games. But based on how withdrawn from the group Legato was initially, Four most likely noticed that he was uncomfortable with the presumably unintelligible conversation going on and most likely wanted to solve the issue without drawing attention to Legato who clearly didn’t want the attention.

Admittedly, that is mostly speculation since we don’t know Four’s reasoning but based on how he views his duty as a hero and his maturity, he would probably feel some obligation to help out Legato during the first meeting. It isn't a special consideration for Legato as an individual though but just an extension of Four’s duty as a hero. It also demonstrates Four’s practicality since at this point he has already determined that everyone is friendly and it will be easier for them all to be able to properly communicate. Four is a hero whose adventures have taught him the value and importance of teamwork and that’s evident in the way he gets the group on the same page with the jabbernuts.

Four and Legato's relationship starts in chapter 3 of Puppet Show when Legato tells Time that he has some magic items Four might want to experiment with to make a traveling forge. Legato makes this overture because he knows that later on in Four is supposed to make a sword for Wild and wants to give the group the extra support and time to prepare for it. Four doesn't know that of course but it's what prompts Four to start interacting with Legato. Regardless of why Legato offered Four his magic tools, the action demonstrated some key information about him.

It shows that he's observant since he made note of Four's occupation which presumably happened during the introductions or in the indeterminate amount of time it took for Chain ver. 2 to reach Lon Lon Ranch.

It shows his ability to plan ahead and foresee potential obstacles like a weapon breaking or general weapons maintenance.

It shows how considerate of others Legato is seeing as he's offering the use of his own materials to help jump start this project.

It shows that Legato has some familiarity with blacksmithing as he understands the importance of temperature control and the tools of the trade.

All this together shows Four that Legato is a considerate teammate who might also share knowledge on his specialty. Naturally, Four ends up with a positive impression of Legato and while they haven't directly interacted at this point, Four has enough information to be curious about Legato.

The consequences of Legato lending Four his magic tools is immediately evident in chapter 4 of Puppet Show. While the group is a few days out of Lon Lon Ranch, Four notices that Legato is on edge. This is because Legato is waiting for the Postman's appearance but once Legato mentions that everything has been too quiet, Four takes that response seriously and gets ready for a fight. Legato quickly clears that assumption but it's a good indication for the level of respect between these two even early on. Four and Legato aren't close but Four trusts him as a fellow hero and even if Four hasn't noticed anything yet--he's willing to listen to the perceived warning.

Additionally, Four being the one to call out Legato's restlessness is interesting because it demonstrates that he's watching Legato and that the two of them are presumably walking close together. This might just be because they're the smallest in the group and as such have been assigned to walking in the center of the group for easier protection as shown in LU but it does show that Four is interested in Legato and is a good teammate. Once the Postman has gained everyone else's attention, Four approaches Legato again. Notably, Legato is being quiet during this segment and allowing the rest of the group to discuss the Postman's presence and essentially has it play out as it does in LU.

Early on, Legato sticks to the background in group discussions. He doesn't really want to make any drastic changes at this point and is content to let everything play out as if he isn't there. He's very much in the mindset that he's a tag-along. Except Four goes out of his way to interact with Legato. He bumps Legato's shoulder in order to get his attention and makes a comment about Legato getting his "weird thing" and sticks by Legato's side once the group gets moving again. Four then thanks Legato for lending him the ice and fire rods and then mentions what Legend and him were able to figure out with them. This then prompts Legato to ask questions on how magic interacts with blacksmithing and results in the entire group learning about Legato's magical expertise. Now this scene is important to Four and Legato's relationship because it demonstrates how Four is able to get Legato to interact with the group. As mentioned, Legato is okoy with fading into the background in the beginning especially during these calmer moments but Four notices that Legato is withdrawing from the group and gets him to re-engage. Now Legend has done this in chapter 2 of Puppet Show by sending Hyrule to Legato when Wind was busy talking to Wild but Four does it more discreetly and gets Legato to address everyone in the group. Do I think Four is consciously taking into account these factors? Maybe a little bit because he's definitely crafty enough and prioritizes team dynamics enough to go out of his way to get Legato to integrate into the team but he's also probably just interested in Legato as a person by now.

So this conversation provides this information to Four about Legato:

Legato definitely has some background in blacksmithing because he was aware that magic could potentially alter the effects.

Legato has a broad and in-depth knowledge of magic (elemental, time, magic deflection, etc.)

Legato has a tendency to retreat into his head.

All of these make Legato an appealing person to talk to about magical craftsmanship. He might not have the same background blacksmith knowledge as Four but he can cover the usage of magic in enchanting weapons. Furthermore, Legato mentions having some rare crafting materials like fairy dust that could have caught Four's attention so Four now has more motivation to get to know Legato on account of them both having interest in aspects of craftsmanship. It also informs Four that Legato isn’t likely to get into arguments with others and that it might be difficult for Legato to engage with everyone. Four was in the clearing when Legato and Wind came back from their water run in chapter 2 of Puppet Show and most likely saw how Legato retreated once his companion was gone so it is possible that Four noticed that Legato does better in one-to-one interactions compared to large group conversations.

Additionally, chapter 4 of Puppet Show is when Four and Legato start having friendly physical touch. Examples of this are Four bumping Legato's shoulder to get his attention, and Legato later reciprocating by jabbing Four in the side for laughing at everyone's reaction to Legato's magical knowledge. We know that from from later on in LU Doppelgänger AU, the other heroes aren’t used to initiating physical contact with each other by the time that Legato gets axed by the Shadow courtesy of a comment from Starlight-Eclipsed on chapter 1 of Matrioshka’s Brain to t4d0. So, it is significant that Four feels comfortable with Legato at this point to initiate contact first. Legato has an easier time than the other heroes on account of his familiarity with their alternate selves (Chain ver.1) but Four doesn’t have any of that background. Four’s ease with Legato is purely based on their interactions now.

If you go through LU, while Four isn’t self-contained completely, he occasionally slaps/pats people on the back but that happens twice throughout the entire comic and he only allows someone to touch him in a friendly manner outside of a life or death situation only directly after Twilight enters the room after being cured and stabilized. Even when reconciling with Wild, he offers the item without ever touching Wild. So these friendly touches, Four has with Legato this early on in the story is an indication of Four's growing comfort with interacting with Legato.

Baby Doll

Alright so now that we’ve established that by the end of Puppet Show Four and Legato are friendly with each other and that Four is growing more comfortable with Legato we can move onto Baby Doll!

Baby Doll is not a very Four and Legato centered work but it does establish Legato and Four interacting with each other outside the scope of what we observe. It’s essentially sets up Four and Legato spending more time with each other in the background of the greater narrative.

In chapter 1 of Baby Doll, Four and Legato briefly interact near the end of the chapter when Chain ver. 2 begin discussing their inventories. Four and Legato briefly interact when the group’s attention is drawn towards Legato’s sword Caladbolg. Four leans in to examine the sword and comments on how cumbersome such a large sword is for Legato but he still manages to wield it. It’s a small interaction but it is evidence that Four and Legato are comfortable enough with each other that the other can intrude into their personal space.

There is a funny comparison between LU and LU Doppelgänger AU in this chapter since in LU, Four is the one compared to Time’s large sword and the group jokes about it. In LU Doppelgänger, Legato is the person whose height is being compared to his almost disproportionate sword. It’s a fun little difference between the series and draws a small parallel between both characters!

Later on in the same chapter, Legato goes to join Four and Wild's discussion on the advantages of different weapon types which reinforces the conclusions that Four most likely drew from Puppet Show. At this point, Four has probably gotten a good grasp on Legato's magic and weapon interests and realize that the pair have a few common topics outside of hero work to share!

There's also some implied hangouts between the two characters in chapter 2 of Baby Doll as Legato starts the chapter by coming back from getting water for the group with Four. I can't imagine that the two of them wouldn't talk to each other during this so we know that they are getting to know each other more. After all, when Legato went on a water run with Wind—the two of them ended up talking more about their respective lives and bonding. Furthermore, given how much Legato already cares about Four—there is no way he wouldn’t try to get closer as he is “speedrunning his found family arc.”

After comforting Wild, Legato goes out of his way to tell him to leave Four and him out of the tampered food which makes sense since neither was involved in messing with Wild but also shows Legato going out of his way to look out for Four which was something that Legend nor any other hero does in LU.

So while Baby Doll doesn’t have many Four and Legato interactions, it does show that the pair are gradually becoming more comfortable with each other. Legato already comes in with a high level of comfort with the others but Four is showcased to be more willing to intrude into Legato’s personal space and include him in conversations about weaponry.

To Dance on a String

Now we're going to discuss the work that really cemented Four and Legato's relationship: To Dance on a String.

This is the work in which we get the first major Four and Legato hangout and it is a turning point in their relationship. I would consider this work to be when Four and Legato go from just being friendly with each other to genuinely being friends.

In chapter 1 of To Dance on a String, Chain ver. 2 arrives in Legend’s Hyrule and the group is quickly divided into groups to explore the town. Four goes out of his way to ask Legato if he wants to partner with him and find the town’s blacksmith. Legato is surprised at the offer and notes that he usually gets paired with whoever is left which demonstrates that this is the first time that Four has initiated a proper hangout with Legato. Four doesn’t usually go out of his way to seek out specific members in the group in LU—we see him with a few characters but have no idea if he is the one initiating these encounters. Furthermore, most of these encounters with the other heroes in LU are centered around some sort of task rather than something to just unwind or low stakes. There’s always some kind of purpose behind those encounters—Twilight and Four went into town to figure out what time period or unusual activities they could find in Divine Dark Reflections pt1 and he enlists Legend and Hyrule to work on the sword that Wild presumably needs to fight with. When it’s downtime and there’s nothing urgent to be done, Four rarely seeks the other heroes out. So Four’s decision to seek out Legato to do a low-stakes activity in Legend’s presumably safe Hyrule is very telling on how Four views Legato. Four wants to spend time with Legato in a context entirely separate from their roles as teammates and as heroes. He wants to get to know Legato as a friend.

(I want to clarify that I’m not saying Four is only using the other heroes but he tends to be a bit more reserved compared to some other heroes. This results in him taking a backseat in some of the group interactions unless he has significant reason to enter the conversation. There is nothing wrong with Four only usually seeking company when it is easier to get a task done with more people but the task tends to take more priority in those situations. There is an exception when Four and Twilight are investigating the town since they have a heart to heart conversation in which Four comforts and advises Twilight and reveals a little about his own experience as a hero so these interactions are still bonding activities. I just think that most of the time Four focuses on whatever goal rather than bonding with the other character(s) in the interaction.)

Furthermore, Four is offering for the two of them to go find the town’s blacksmith. While there are definitely some practical purposes for finding a blacksmith, restocking arrows for example, blacksmithing is a topic that both Four and Legato have brought up with each other. Four is a career blacksmith and Legato has proven time and time again that he understands weaponry and the magical side of weapon and tool creation. It shows that Four has been paying attention to Legato’s interests!

Additionally, while Legato and Four start off their outing with the goal of trying to find the blacksmith—they aren’t very focused on finding one throughout the chapter. They get sidetracked into a conversation about enchantments—Legato’s specialty. Four is curious about Legato and he knows that Legato is passionate about magic based on his answer on Wild’s usage of time magic in Puppet Show. He’s letting Legato talk and fill up space—something Legato only does on occasion in the group. Remember, Legato still views himself as a largely inconsequential tag-along to this version of his brothers. He stayed because he didn’t want to accidentally ruin the bonds that come from this adventure for any of the others. While LU Doppelgänger AU follows Legato and how he is making changes to the timeline, Legato at this point wants the timeline to follow as closely to how it was when he adventured with Chain ver. 1 which means he actually sticks to the sidelines during big events early on. That’s why it’s so important that Four let’s Legato guide the conversation while only chiming in to add an anecdote or ask for clarification. Four has noticed that Legato retreats into himself and has repeatedly gone out of the way to get Legato to interact with everyone and the fact that he’s doing this outside of a larger group setting indicates Four’s care to Legato as a friend more than a teammate.

Their conversation is cut short when Legato notices Hyrule and Wild up ahead and he runs after them causing Four to follow suit. With practically no words, Legato conveys to Four about a plan to surprise the Explorer duo and Four joins in readily. Four doesn’t know what Legato has planned for the duo but he’s down for whatever scheme Legato has concocted. Four is so playful in this moment—something we don’t get to see as often in LU. Of course, Four and Legato don't spring a surprise on the Explorer Duo since they are having a serious heart to heart about the differences between eras. The two are resigned to simply waiting for Wild and Hyrule to move on so they can leave without having intruded on their talk when Wild mentions in a roundabout way that Legato is lucky to have grown up in an era so plentiful. Wild says that Legato’s insistence on teamwork and his adventures are so strange compared to what he’s used to. He inadvertently looks down on Legato’s experience.

And that hurts Legato.

Deeply.

Legato just shuts down after hearing Wild say that about him and Hyrule’s sort of agreement. He’s unresponsive even when Four repeatedly calls out to him. He’s spiraling badly and Four yells out Link to finally shock him back to awareness. Four’s remarkably gentle with Legato once he’s gotten his attention since this is the first time Four has seen Legato ever shut down like that. He can tell that Legato isn’t okay despite Legato’s reassurance but is hesitant to push him.

Anyway that’s when everything goes to hell in a different way as the knights descend upon our tiny duo and they have to flee the scene! During their encounter with the knights, Four is initially confused and outraged as to why the knights have decided to attack them and fights back. Legato manages to grab Four while the knights are disorientated and gets them to safety by using his speed boots. Four doesn’t know where they’re going at this point besides “away” but he trusts Legato to get them out of this mess. Which shows a remarkable sense of trust that has built between the two of them over the course of this adventure—since Four complies with little questioning.

Four is aggrieved by the entire situation and his indignation and insults towards the knights gets Legato to laugh after everything. Unfortunately, this means that Legato is going to have to Talk about his Feelings now.

Now we are going onto the scene that really sold Four and Legato as a duo to me—Four listens to every argument Legato comes up with in defense of Wild and Hyrule and advocates for Legato against Legato himself.

Four tells Legato that he’s earned his title as a hero. Four tells Legato that he’s allowed to be hurt by what they said despite them being Legato’s friends. Four reminds Legato that all of them were only able to get so far because of the help they received from others. Receiving help isn’t shameful and that actually gets through to Legato.

What sells Four and Legato’s friendship to me, is just how much both of them support and understand each other. Legato drags Four out of his shell just as much as Four drags Legato back into the world. Legato got Four to agree to a prank toward Wild and Hyrule because he knows that Four wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to mess with someone. Legato got Four to talk with the others early on by introducing Four’s blacksmithing ability as a useful skill for the group. Legato extended his hand towards Four first. Four continuously reaches back and pulls Legato into the larger group right with him. Four treats Legato’s presumed two adventures with respect even if Legato only ever jokes about them. Four listens to Legato’s warnings and interests. Four cuts through Legato’s self-depreciation with so much care for Legato.

The reciprocity of Four and Legato’s friendship is what makes these two my favorite duo in the entire series.

Now this isn’t the end of this post! We’re moving onto chapter 2 of To Dance on a String!

In the aftermath of chapter 1’s emotional conversation, Four and Legato decide to stay out in the fields outside of Legend’s Hyrule. The pair are eventually found by Wolfie and Legato makes some allusions about Wolfie being Twilight without being too obvious that gets Four too laugh at Twilight’s expense.

There’s a noticeable ease between Four and Legato after everything. Legato is mostly honest with Four about how he feels after anything. He’s emotionally exhausted and he tells Four that “Today sucked.” Four and Legato joke about the previous event and there is a general light-hearted atmosphere between the two of them as they travel to Legend’s home.

What’s important to notice here is that Legato is honest with Four. Legato is a person who has repeatedly avoided talking about his emotions throughout the series. While not referenced directly here, Legato had an emotional reaction towards a physical change he undergoes on Wild’s Hyrule that Warriors and Hyrule stumble upon. This is in chapter 3 of Porcelain Veneer and noticeably, Legato does not explain to either heroes why he had such a bad reaction. He skirts around the actual issue there but is honest in the aftermath of his conversation with Four. Today sucked is a small line but Legato’s being honest about how he feels.

Upon entering Legend’s home, Legato and Four are confronted with Time who asks if they are okay and then immediately follows up with frustration at the two of them for disappearing for 3.5 hours after confirming their condition. Four is annoyed at the perceived slight against his and Legato’s ability to handle themselves. Time and Four start to argue before Legato intervenes and tells Time it was his fault that they were gone for so long. Legato claims incompetence on his part—telling Time that he panicked and grabbed Four and ran from the knights. Legato tells Time that Four and he got lost in Legend’s Hyrule.

Time drops his interrogation of Four and Legato and tells the two that Wild made food which Legato awkwardly declines stating that he’s tired and is going to bed early. This is very out of character for him and Four is immediately on high alert but doesn’t confront Legato on his actions.

Four is right to be concerned by Legato’s retelling of events because it inaccurately portrays what happened. During that fight, Legato pulled Four out of the way of an incoming arrow since Four hadn’t registered the knights as a threat yet. Legato breaks the horde around Four by using his Deku lead to blow two of the three knights into the street while Four deals with the last one. Lastly he was the one that navigated the town to get them away from the knights. So while Four could have dealt with the knight any himself—since he could split to get a numbers advantage—Legato still significantly contributed to the fight. Legato doesn’t explain any of this to Time and instead puts all the blame onto himself when in reality the only reason everything went so smoothly was because of Legato. So Four, who knows all of this and knows that Legato took Wild’s words badly earlier in the day has some very important reasons to be concerned by Legato’s recounting of events. Legato is none of what he described himself to Time and it shows that Legato’s perception of himself has been negatively affected by Wild and Hyrule.

In clarification from Starlight-Eclipsed in the comment section of chapter 2 of To Dance on a String, they state that Four is taking Legato’s explanation of the events and his subsequent actions as evidence that Legato took what Wild said about him to heart—that Legato is incompetent and irresponsible. This worry is further compounded by Legato skipping a meal to go to bed—something Legato always fights about normally.

Now seeing as how Four and Legato were friends prior to this event and then became even closer afterwards, Four is going to harbor some negative feelings about Wild and Hyrule due to how they hurt Legato. He won’t allow these feelings to negatively impact the group as a whole but he is siding with Legato. From his understanding, Wild and Hyrule hurt Legato. They were not aware of his presence there but they went behind Legato’s back and diminished his accomplishments which negatively impacted Legato’s self-esteem. His opinion on the two heroes has been lowered after the events of To Dance on a String and will influence how he treats these two heroes as the series progresses.

Four is a good friend and a good teammate. Legato is both his friend and his teammate. However, from this point on, Wild and Hyrule might end up as just temporary teammates due to their actions.

Velveteen Rabbit

Velveteen Rabbit covers what happens shortly after the To Dance on a String as the work opens with Chain ver.2 leaving Legend’s Hyrule. There are not many Four and Legato interactions in this work but it does demonstrate the impact of what happened in the previous one. Since Legato took the blame in order to prevent a fight between Time and Four, protecting Four again–similar to when he reminded Wild that neither Four or he were involved with messing with Wild’s belongings, it has been decided that two are currently banned from partnering. Which is a shame because it was neither Four’s nor Legato’s fault for what happened in To Dance on a String.

Four is annoyed at how Chain ver.2 are not taking his experience as a hero seriously after what happened but he doesn’t start an argument about it. Once again, Four is demonstrating his maturity and his experience with teams by not making a scene and acquiescing to the ban. He’s willing to wait it out in order for the team to work smoothly. Now that Four is unavailable, Legato searches for someone else to partner with but Wind–the other person Legato is close to–asks to join Time in order to sort out timeline confusion so Legato is last to find someone to pair with. Legato and Sky do pair up together but that only occurs once everyone else pairs up so it is proving Legato’s earlier statement that no one chooses him during group outings. The only time someone has reached out to Legato unprompted was Four and while Legato definitely loves the other heroes, it is telling that Legato usually has to pair up with whoever is last.

Legato and Four don’t interact until the end of the work when everyone regroups. This is when we see a major divergence from LU. Chain ver. 2 are discussing cultural differences when they start talking about the properties of gold. Four is telling Twilight that gold is the most malleable metal to work with when Wild chimes in that the gold weapons he’s used to are strong. There’s nothing inherently wrong about Wild explaining his experience with gold weapons but Four becomes visibly annoyed at the comment and fires back that Wild is being hypocritical considering how he just lost his sword. This prompts Time to confirm that statement and then ask Four if it would be possible to craft Wild a new sword. In LU, Four would have offered to start working on a sword for Wild if he wasn’t already working on one but here Four flatly refuses. He tells Time it would take too long to craft one which is true but he doesn’t offer to even start crafting a new sword for Wild. Legato notes that this is uncharacteristic of Four and this difference is because Four has a lowered opinion of Wild in this timeline.

Essentially, Velveteen Rabbit is a showcase of how Legato and Four’s friendship has altered the timeline. It demonstrates Four’s maturity in how he deals with the questioning of his abilities after leaving Legend’s Hyrule but also his defense of his friends–in this case, Legato. Four’s decision to not make Wild a sword despite it being a presumably net positive for the group since they would have all members at full capability showcases just how important Legato is to Four at this point. Four is putting Legato’s pain above providing Wild with a new sword that would have been made to withstand Wild’s fighting style. Four isn’t massively harming the group in that decision seeing as Wild can scavenge for a sword and has ranged weapons to draw from but his dissatisfaction with Wild is immediately evident to anyone familiar with him. In some ways, it shows a childish side to Four that we only really get to see because of Legato. Childish in how he’s addressing the problem but his heart is in the right place.

In conclusion

The first five works in LU Doppelgänger AU essentially set up Legato and Four’s friendship. Puppet Show covers first contact and Four and Legato gradually come to understand and warm up to each other. Baby Doll establishes that Legato and Four are spending down time with each other outside of the viewpoint we have access to. To Dance on a String showcases the events that cement Four and Legato being genuinely good friends as it allows Four to see Legato’s vulnerability and help deal with Legato’s self-esteem issues. Legato also gets the opportunity to be honest with someone about what’s going on even if he doesn’t share the totality of the situation. Velveteen Rabbit demonstrates how much Four values his friendship with Legato as he prioritizes Legato’s pain over supplying Wild with a proper sword.

Legato and Four work so well as a friendship because they both push the other into more active roles within Chain ver.2 and allow each other to be vulnerable, childish, bold, and respected despite their appearances. Through their relationship in LU Doppelgänger AU, we are able to explore more sides to Four and Legato has someone who will call him out on his self-deprecation and spiraling while supporting him.

#lu doppelgänger au #PART 1 IS FINISHED #I DID NOT PROOFREAD THIS I WAS TOO EXCITED #someone please come up with a duo name my brain is too fried to think anymore #if there are grammar errors oh well #or spelling errors #this is my love letter to the series #the format is a little all over the place but 50/50 on whether or not i will go and fix anything at this point #anyway this is why I compared myself to a wildlife documentarian/photographer a couple of days ago #7k of me just yapping about these two actually—got word count wrong the first time #edited to add fix some errors and added a little bit more to Puppet Show section

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sisville-v11 · 12 days ago

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hi. today is the 4th anniversary of a very special moment in my life, and i think im finally ready for today to be the 0th anniversary of me spilling the beans on what that special moment is... we're plural. if you don't know what that means... i think the easiest way to describe it is that since 2021, we've secretly been 3 izzys in a trenchcoat masquerading as just one to the public eye; all of us share the same singular brain & body, but each of us are fully unique in our personality and interests. and now we're finally ripping the mask off and going fully public with that. god it has been. a fuckin experience to stay quiet about all this, all the times that weve had to disguise the text each of us writes to fit as a single generic one, i dont even know how to describe how freeing it is that we can finally exist as ourselves now, we have been waiting for this moment for YEARS and now its finally here aaaaaaaaaa!! ANYWAY, with that said, i guess we'll take now for each of us to introduce ourselves! ill leave it under a read more so we can truly feel unrestrained in making these as long as we want to, but the most important bits is that each of us are luna, lizzy, and ki, and please treat us as individual people thank you. if this is all new to you & you'd like to learn a bit more about plurality head here this sites pretty awesome https://morethanone.info/#

//hi, im luna, im the one whos been around the longest and was the sole one taking the helm during all the years before 2021, im the one our whole online presence is kinda built around lol. i found out i wasnt alone in here in may of that year, and my god what a fuckin weird feeling that was at the time lmfao, im not complaining that i had company in the slightest though, genuinely life improved so much once there were others i knew could take the wheel of piloting this body when i wasnt feeling up to it. honestly idk how to describe myself cause like, if you follow this account you probably already know what im like lmao most of the stuff on here aligns with my interests, like yeah i like minecraft i like broville. actually i AM the main one working on that broville video essay so theres that, a good chunk of the music we put out between 2021 and now was by me too (though, the others have been letting their own voices shine a bit more with some of our more recent works)... ok im dry now im passing this over to lizzy {HI IM LIZZY OMG FINALLY I CAN TALK UNMASKED OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! so like haiiiiii!!!! & stuff!!!! i was there when luna 1st figured out we all existed back then so ive been up here p regularly since around 2021 but ESPECIALLY grew a larger presence up here in like 2022+, i can point 2 some specific things i made cuz yea i do music 2 i love music making who up musicing they make!!!! ok so the although the sky remix was mostly me (tho luna made the base 4 that), i did the x naut fortress remix, the can you composition, & those r just a few! my interests r p similar 2 lunas so dont expect a whole lotta variance there LOL but like my personalitys p different!!! u might b seeing that rn hehe LOL i like being energetic bubbly & silly :3 who up sillyying they bubbles (me im doing that!!!) ok idk what else 2 say LOL launching a friendliness missile towards ki cuz theyre next in da big roundup of intros :D } ``hey hey, my name's ki! ^-^ I may still be relatively new here compared to these other two, but i still adore all the time i've spent up here and would like to continue to do so for the long foreseeable future! 😁 though, honestly, i'm not sure how much you'll see me on tumblr here, haha. while i quite respect this website's art-focused community & overall vibe, i don't think i'm as into it as these other two are, heh... who knows, perhaps i'll set up a bluesky account later on if i feel like that site's vibe jives with me better! so for now, you may see me make the occasional post here, but other than that? dunno how much i'll be around haha, though it is still very nice that if i do feel like writing something of any length on here, I'll get to write it purely as myself without needing to generify it! ^-^ anyway, i suppose i'll let luna cap this off, now! //anyway yeah. i guess thats the whole post. damn i dont even know what to say now, just, were pretty damn nervous posting about this lol. weve stayed quiet for this long but i feel like with how dire the world is right now, we need to show that despite it all we can still be out here living our happiest lives openly without hiding away who we truly are, like fuck that shit we out here. i hope yall are cool with us yknow not being 1 person, i really have no idea what kind of reception were about to receive for this, but i do know that no matter what, we arent gonna change who we are for anyone who really dislikes us being like this or whatever. were done hiding, its time to shine our true colors. our true individual colors. we're ready for whatever comes next. - luna, lizzy, & ki

#izzy brain juice #izzy important posts

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copperbadge · 1 year ago

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Hi Mr Starbuck! Some friends and I are moving in a few months and we're eyeing various places all over the US. Chicago came up as a relatively affordable big city (compared to LA and NYC) and I have to ask the resident Tumblr Chicagoan his opinion. As a resident who lives and works in the windy city, what's your big pros and cons of residing there (especially things you might not encounter as a tourist)? (also, how accurate is your "guide to chicago" still, since its been a few years!)

Well, I definitely have opinions!

The guide to Chicago is no longer accurate -- too many places have closed or moved, and the pandemic altered a lot (for example the Money Museum still exists but I'm not sure if it has regular hours even now). I should do a new one but like, I really don't get out much anymore so I can't talk about restaurants outside of a VERY local area, and I never could talk much about hotels, which just leaves points of interest mostly already covered by Atlas Obscura. :D At this point it'd just be kind of moot, others are doing it better than I am.

Chicago is inexpensive compared to New York or Los Angeles, but like, that's everywhere in America. Chicago is still a quite pricey city to live in, mainly because the taxes are so high -- 10.25% sales tax, for example, and my property taxes are also pretty steep. People joke about Taxachusetts, but I'm pretty sure Chicago at least has it beat (and 2/3 of the state's population lives in Chicago or the outlying suburbs). Housing is not at a premium in the way it is in NY and LA but depending on where you want to live and how far you want to commute it can still be very expensive. My housing was never less than half of my monthly income until I bought this place, and then ONLY because the job I'm in now came with a $10K/yr raise from my last one.

Chicago does have great culture, great museums, great food, and it's a liberal island in a pretty conservative region. It is however quite segregated, so if you are any race other than white, living here can get a little more complicated than I've portrayed it as a white dude. There is significant crime and particularly gun crime, but it's generally confined to specific regions of the city. That said, even if you discount crime, the Chicago PD are corrupt as fuck and uninterested in being helpful, so if you are from a demographic the cops enjoy harassing, it will not be different here.

I do love the city, warts and all. I like the water, I like the people, I like the midwestern vibe. I'd find it very hard to leave, especially because I have a network of friends here, but also because I just plain like it and I know it really well. There is a very short list of cities I'd consider leaving Chicago for, and most of those would have to have a well-paying job waiting for me. But it did take me time to fall in love with it -- it took a few years before it felt like home.

It's a little difficult to get more specific without knowing more about your situation -- what you do for work, what your budget is like, what your goals are in leaving where you are. Do you prefer to drive most places? (Parking and traffic can both get dicey.) Can you tolerate taking public transit if driving is inconvenient? Is the industry in which you work something that has a lot of openings here? Do you want to live in an urban environment, and if so are you prepared to live in a likely somewhat shitty apartment to do so? If you prefer to live in a house, are you prepared for a long commute? What do you like to do for fun and is there a thriving culture for that here? What is it important to have access to -- museums, concerts, theater, sport? Where do you need to travel to regularly (ie, I go to Austin several times a year) and how do you prefer to travel there?

Anyway, yeah -- like, I love it but I have few illusions about it. If you want to chat further feel free to hit me up by email, happy to answer more specific questions!

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ariseur · 11 months ago

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Hello there! Thank you so much for addressing my request...I'm new to Tumblr app so I hope I'm messaging your inbox! So yes! I hope...this isn't too demanding. I anon requested zack x fair reader...and I'm gonna let it all hang out with you:

I simp for zack fair very very hard...and Im HUNGRY for fluff..all the gentle kisses, hair playing ...jawline holding, couch cuddling, sweet compliments, rainy days...holding...waist clutching, skin contact, lips grazing coffe sippinng...deep eye dinner dates, jokes , teasing silly ...I can handle!!! I don't do smut or too overly steamy. I'm too old for that shit

Maybe perhaps...on the opposite spectrum, zack boyfriend scenario, comforting s/o with anxiety...drying of tears, wiping tears away, consoling cuddling...hearing him hum reader to sleep...mentions of heartbeats being felt through chests....feeling of voice vibrations through MUSCULAR chest...comfort bare muscular arms , tender kisses...goosebumps...ok I'm sorry too demanding...if I'm blessed and you create chapters of like simple one date, fun.."friends to lovers" type of thing, casual playstation gaming hangouts, cooking dinner as friends...thinking of each other while away ..to eventually relationship and consoling s/o anxiety....full on love date..that close intimacy (i,crave safe for work) I'd wait FOREVER, however long it would take you to write chapters of joy....you'd be my hero!!!

I stress his scar (in my own ramblings i always place my finger tips on it, i kiss it gently, we discuss who gave it to him, how he feels about it).. Our first date I wear some tight fitting dress his favorite color, but as he gentlemanly removes my peacoat for the evening he notices I'm covered in tattoos, and he's memzmerized (I do have quite the collection of ink irl) he smells of sweet sandalwood and is wearing the black suit in that turks mod for remake... his eyes. I make my own feeble attempts at fanfic but I'm TOO new and insecure to really write anything as I REGULARLY indulge in AI chat and it proves so many USEFUL fever dream instances for me to write but for now...I let the experts handle it.

Should you accept, thank you for bringing JOY into my life....

Please do take your time...I know you amazing ppl are BUSY and mine isn't the only request and might even not be too interesting.

But I thank you so so so much...I've been searching for weeks ..no replies.

EPHEMERAL - ZACK FAIR (CHPT. ONE)

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹ notes - omg!! i’m so sorry this has been sitting here for so long!! i’ve been trying to go about this and since i’m not that experienced with creating chapter fics, i decided— what the hell?? why not try it?? so— i hope i did somewhat of a good job and stay tuned for some more!!

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹ warnings - none except one mention of suicide ( but like in a ‘social suicide’ way ), intended lowercase, you spar with zack as kids ( cardboard swords ) lmk if i missed anything 💕!!

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹ word count - 2561 words, 13990 characters

STRENGTH. that was what mattered most in this world.

strength was a word you had learned in the first grade, sitting next to a snot-nosed kid babbling to his friends as he completely took up all your attention with his nasally voice in your ear. the teacher seemed to pay no mind, only engulfed in tapping her stubby chalk piece against the board, stained with dashes of residual white from the previous words that had been written earlier today, as she barely looked back at the rest of you.

you remembered it so vividly, the smell of the sanitizing wipes she had used during the twenty minutes recess you always anticipated, eager to escape the boring rants of mrs. ozaki and her slow paced curriculum. you remembered the knock you felt on your chair from behind you, soft as to not alert the teacher — as if she couldn’t hear the noisy kid blabbering next to you known as ono, although you only referred to him as, “booger-face.”

craning your neck and grabbing ahold of the side of your chair in order to turn further, you looked behind you only to see the half-toothless, sanguine kid you knew as zack fair. his dark hair, slicked back with only a few strands sticking out, probably from all the activity he did during your break at recess. you two had met earlier this year as he had defended you from the previous, aforementioned offender— ,”booger-face.” you had remembered the way zack stood over you, hands on his hips as he surged forward at the boy to stop him from pushing you around. his eyes, always so bright and lively, squinted at you with his smile as he helped you up and helped dust off your skirt.

after that moment, zack fair had started hanging around you more and more, inviting you to play around with his friends on the merry-go-round’s or hanging out with you after school, running around and playing with rocks or cardboard swords before your parents’ both called you in for dinner, to which you would hastily say goodnight run to your guys’ houses awaiting dinner.

removing his hands from your chair and placing them neatly on his desk, he beamed at you, “you still up for some training after school?”

you rolled your eyes as your lips twitched upwards into a small smile, “duh,” you said. you turned your body completely in order to to fully face him. “near the water still?”

he chimed in agreement, “duh,” his eyes crinkled with the way his grin widened, identical to the day he had practically saved you. he chuckled a little bit before fixing his posture and sitting upright in his seat, the wooden chair creaking as he readjusted his position. your eyebrows knitted together before you heard a stern shout of your name.

you flinched, whipping around back to face the front as your face burned hot with embarrassment. upon your turning of the body, you were met with the stares of your classmates and the hard glare of your teacher, fixated on only you now. her arm was no longer raised up and scribbling nonsense of vocabulary on the board, instead it hung low and remained against her thigh as she impatiently tapped the piece of chalk against her knee-length skirt. her lips, a light pink as they contrasted with the darkness of her tied hair, were pressed into a thin line before she asserted, “pay more attention, first warning.”

you nodded shamefully as you ducked your head down, grabbing your small wooden pencil and gripping it in your hand, as if you’d use it to jot down notes of whatever she was talking about— although it lay unused and useless for the remainder of class, only a placeholder of a ‘what if’ factor your teacher always liked to use when she began the period.

skeptically, she let her raised brow drop as stopped tapping the chalk against her leg, turning around and beginning to explain the curriculum planned for tomorrow again.

you tried to ignore the feeling of holes being burned at the back of your head, multiple pairs of eyes staring at your fork while you made your attempt at keeping your eyes forward and your mouth shut. you ignored the small, boyish giggles emitted from behind you, you’d ‘kick his butt’ outside of school, you thought. you’d get your payback, but for now — you sighed. keeping your hands interlocked, your faced your palms on another area of the desk, the foreign spot now cold against your warm skin. trying to act somewhat proper and behaved, you waited out the rest of class ( which was only presumably about twenty minutes ) just to find that sublime feeling of escaping the torturous ‘h-e-double hockey sticks’ that you referred to as school.

and you held up to that promise of kicking zack fair’s butt — watching as he stumbled backwards with his hands flailing in the air, a flimsy cardboard cutout of a sword gripped tightly in his hand as he let out a loud, “woahh—!”

you giggled, “what’d i tell you about that stance, zack?” you put a hand on your hip as he yelped in surprise. his foot slipped in the body of water, making an animated sound while he skidded across a rock, luckily able to catch his balance in time. you could hear the small chattering of the people near you, the rivers of gongaga rushing as your laughs continue and rise up into the quiet air.

“that’s not fair—! no water knocks!” he exclaimed.

you shrugged as he approached you once more, “you never said that before we started,” you chided. he charged forward at you, being blocked as you held your sword up in a protective expression. stepping backwards, your arm raised and lowered with every hit that the dark-haired boy threw at you, his confident face flashing between every brown whoosh of the cardboard weapons.

he heaved, “you know how mrs. ozaki kept talking about strongness or whatever?”

“you mean— strength?” another blocked hit, this time you tried to kick him and sweep the leg — unfortunately, you underestimated zack a little more than you had thought as he kept a firm hold in the cold dirt, digging his shoes into the ground.

“same difference, yeah?”

“what about it, fair?”

he pursed his lips as he tensed his body, waiting for you to strike again. you held off for a second, flinching as if you would hit in order to try to keep him off balance. zack decided to speak again in this momentary pause of your sparring. “i’ve been thinking about those SOLDIERs and.. i want to be strong— hey!” he exclaimed as you landed a surprise attack on him, barely grazing his not-so-ironed-anymore jeans before he deflected your hit. “now, that’s really uncalled for, c��mon.”

“finish your thought before i hit you again.” you quirked a brow.

he wore a smug look on his face, putting his hands on his hips while he shook his head at you. “didn’t hit me but ‘kay,” that smugness didn’t last long as you feigned waving your sword at him, only for him to let out a small yelp and jolt backwards. you smiled, quirking an expectant brow while he groaned in exasperation. “i wanna be strong too, y’know. have some— strength,” he said; and that was almost the end of it . . until he had managed to mutter a quick hiss of, “unlike you.”

you watched as his arm raised, the sleeve of his uniform’s button-up lifting up a little to reveal his tan line that he had obtained after being outside with you for so long. his hand gripped the thin handle while he went overhead to try and strike you from above. making haste, you took one more step back as your hands flew up to catch his attack with your own sword. in your imagination, with the collision of your toy weapons, you envisioned a loud, ‘clank!’ as they clashed with each other — it felt much more awesome-r to imagine sounds of iron versus the soft flap of refraining yourself from putting too much pressure on the thin material of the cardboard.

you grinned at him, watching as his determined face managed a crack of a smirk while he tried scaring you and randomizing the amounts of pressure he’d put in an attempt to try and catch you in a daze. however, the swiftness in which you jolted to the side and flipped your sword flat so that the tip faced outwards, thrusting the faux weapon and jabbing it into his chest caught him off guard, rendering him the loser of that evening’s battle.

you watched as zack carefully looked down at his stomach, then finally bringing himself to peer back up at you. he placed a hand on his chest while he acted like he really was injured, even going so far as have spit dribble out of his mouth and act like it was blood.

“gross—!” you exclaimed, pushing him as he fell on his back in the dirt and raised a dramatic hand to the sky. you laughed while he let out his ‘last dying breath’ before ceremoniously lolling his head to the side.

with some more giggles, you judged him with your foot as he magically arose from the ‘dead’ and beamed at you, reveling in your laughter. although, in that moment he wouldn’t tell you. he didn’t want to admit his growing crush on you, he didn’t want cooties. that was practically suicide. you extended a gentle hand out to him, throwing your sword to the side as he took your offer and hoisted himself up. zack brushed the dirt off of his pants while you cleaned his back up, still laughing about the whole encounter.

you claimed victory for a long while, even when you both had sat by the water and skipped rocks onto the cerulean river, now being painted a harsh lilac as the sun began to set and the heat of the sky began to cool, a soft breeze coming to rest upon your bodies rather than the draining, blistering sun.

you let a small beat of silence pass over the both of you, spinning the cold stone in your hand before chucking it into the water. your chest began to tighten, for a reason you don’t know why but you could feel it— crawling up your throat as it engulfed your esophagus. it creeped up the inside of you. almost as if you were gonna throw up, the pit in your stomach began to settle. you felt it, twitching on your tongue as it settled, trying to escape its enclosure from past your lips. you held it in for so long, fighting this battle you were so determined to win as you tried to focus on anything; the birds chirping around you, the rushing of the water, zack’s stone skipping across it. you tried to hold it in until—

“do you really think you’ll become a SOLDIER one day?”

the rock he had grabbed remained lifeless in his hands, his fingers tightening around it while he contemplated his options. he turned to you— dirt on his face and his smile, gapped with all the recent teeth he had been losing. he never faltered with that smile, you thought to yourself; and you never forgot what he had said to you after you asked that, “i’ll make sure of it.”

you smiled back at him, before it dropped once you had heard the calls of your name coming from the huts above the creek, where both of your homes had been located. with not another second, zack had already gotten up and running. he swiveled back to face you, waving a goodbye with his lanky arm before he shouted, “i’ll see you tomorrow!” but, of course, he wouldn’t be zack if he didn’t get hurt every now and then, you thought, as you watched him trip over a small rock. but— you realized, he also wouldn’t be zack if he didn’t get up afterwards. still, he turned his head to make sure you didn’t see only to discover you had ( much to his embarrassment ), before getting up and running back home again.

you laughed under your breath, “dork.”

and now, you’re still you. sitting in a bakery in nibelheim, you had almost never changed. well— besides the fact that you grew a couple of feet and wore a wider range of clothes than your school uniform and an old, colorful your grandmother had gifted you when you were five. you wore your hair differently and went out of your way to try and make a difference in the world; specifically by starting and doing some jobs around town and seeing if anybody needed help with those.. things — that would appear around town. the day zack left for midgar had stained your brain permanently, his hug leaving a mark on your body as you knew you might not see him again— even if you chastised ( or more so threatened ) him that he stay in contact with you no matter what.

although it was a few years ago already, you never forget about it, your mind always traveled back to that day at the river. grabbing another hold of your pastry, you admired the vibrant frosting as it created the symbol of a chocobo, not even able to take a bite in fear of ruining the perfect design. you watched the simple villagers of nibelheim float around their daily life while you stayed under the canopy in front of the shop, seated at a little table with the shade covering you from the heat of the sun. you remained bored as you tapped your foot and listened to the bustle of the small town before you heard pairs of assertive footsteps and the, ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s of the people.

tilting your head upwards, you only assumed maybe a few flat footed people or some kids running around was the answer but no— you’re met with the sight of a long, silver haired man with wide, white should plates while a shinra infantryman accompanied him along with another SOLDIER, only this time in black armor. you had watched the town guide, and even with your fuzzy memory you think you had recalled her name was tifa.

you squinted at them, watching as the SOLDIERs looked around at the small village. you gasped as the SOLDIER with the darker uniform turned his head, those eyes were all too familiar, and that familiar cowlick that peeked out from his thick, black hair was all too distinct. putting down the pastry, your eyes narrowed even further almost as if you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. you watched as he turned his head, his full face on display as he beamed at the environment— his smile still the same besides the fact that all of his adult teeth had grown in and his jaw became more defined.

you sat upright, your lips quirking upwards as you felt that childish wonder grow as it had all those years ago like when you had first met him, brave and confident as ever when he had defended you.

“zack?”

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