#it's been an exhausting couple months
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Help I accidentally created another blorbo and we love him.
#writing progress#oc: seth barrow#c: angel argyros#band au#oc: julien royer#i swear i'll post completed stuff eventually#it's been an exhausting couple months
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Updates will be slow until August, I may get a small chapter in before Art Fight! In the meantime, I will potentially be adding 1-2 characters to my art fight profile as available characters, though I am not sure who I would like to put up.
#I may add a couple more as I get back in the groove of things#this month has been crazy at work and I have been sleeping so much lol#couldn’t add everyone rn but here’s the big guys#May add 1-2 of my favorites from the other clans as well but we will see how exhausted I am this coming week#text#poll#rookclan#want to give the ones being added to artfight full refs so I may limit how many I do based on that#no starclan guys rn
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On this birthday, there is one particular shout out I feel must be made.
To all my depression, anxiety, and mental illness:
FUCK YOU BITCHES!! I LIVE!!!!!
#maniacally cackles#HA!#been a hell of a year fighting you lot#probably be a bitch a time fighting you still#but I am still alive#Being able to make this poat helped push me through the last couple months. . .#Gonna go nap now...so freaking exhausted
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vent post 🩷🩷
bit the bullet and went to counseling about the whole thing except it was like the free counseling provided by my university which—still good! it was a decent experience. and it was nice to talk about everything bc im still processing bc like. idk. normally i try to be relatable but i dont know how to make “apartment broken into by a serial rapist” funny to you guys. but yeah. that was cool. though im an undergrad psych student and everytime my counselor reccomended me a technique i was just like “this is pulled quite literally from my textbook i used freshman year. why are you telling me this.” i guess it would be more effective maybe on someone who didnt study mental health but i guess it was nice to be told by someone what specifically i should be trying. i dunno if im gonna go back, or even if i should? i guess it depends on how things play out from here. i think its been about three weeks since it all happened and ive still been having to go meet with the police and my campus security which has been some of the most mentally taxing shit ive ever done. and theyre all like “no we havent found him but dont worry we wont tell you anyways and no you cant know his name or any defining features of his character for safety bc we have to protect his privacy also” like bitch??? whatever 😭 go fuck yourself. but whatever its fine i think my brain is slowly returning to normal. i cant really focus on anything anymore i get tense really fast if i see someone who looks a little like that guy on the bus (i dont know his exact features. it was dark when he broke in and i only saw him on shitty security camera footage) but its fine. though i will say, ive been no lifing on the sims in my free time and vladdy daddy broke into my apartment and i had to put the game down 😭😭 so maybe i should go see that counselor again actually
#freudian slips#yea havent posted in a sec cuz#that#i tried opening tumblr a couple of times cuz normally looking at my little guys is how i cope a bit but#everything has j been so exhausting lately ugh#i just need like. a month. a month of pure nothingness.#that would fix me. that and like. idk. inigo halloween alt in heroes#OMG YALL DID U SEE THEY PUT MY GIRL DOROTHEA INNN 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#thats a separate post actually
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maybe i'm just a failure of a person but working full time means i genuinely have trouble keeping my damn place clean not to mention make doctor appointments so i put them off for weeks but it's fine it's all good lol
#like the past two weeks its also just bc of constant extreme migraines for sure#& that happened to be in the same time period my dog reacted badly to new wet food i got her so she spent 4 to 5 days shitting on the floor#so that did a number on me lol and i have not been doing any cleaning other than cleaning after her those couple days and so now its like#oh my god theres so much to clean and dirty laundry and cutlery i didnt bother washing immediately#anyways ignore this i needed to vent a little bc im exhausted and idk when im gonna do this now bc i have only two free days#until this month ends#and not in a row#and one is for vet visit with my dog#so.
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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I can tell I'm bored/under stimulated/???? When I start watching abandoned locations and general "What Went Wrong" style videos
#yeah there's the depression aspect but tbh there really hasn't been all that much these past couple months to catch my interest#and I'm always a little too tired/exhausted to do some of my hobbies#I should get around to finishing Hades and some other unfinished games but I'm just blehhhhh#maybe I'll pick up the plucky squire since that's out no#also. time of the month so that really adds to the funk of it all
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@absolut--kurant!
#happy saturday my dear!!! 💖✨💖✨💖#take a look at this angel among the pigeon flock that came to visit))#i think i posted that white pidge a couple of years ago... he's actually been around for a while but he come and goes a lot#sometimes we don't see him for weeks or months but his flock always comes back to us 😌#it's the same with ryzhik dove i suppose - we haven't seen him for a couple of months but he's been gone longer before#hoping the spring will bring them back))#but for now: enjoy 🥰#yesterday was a fun time but man we were out so late and i am exhausted#just getting up and beginning our day 😅 have a good day my dearest#dove#pigeon#birds#cute
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As of 10/18/23:
Now that we've officially marched on the boss and openly declared, I can publicly drop this news that's been several weeks in the making:
The Bloomington, IL, Barnes & Noble is unionizing with the RWDSU.
#adventures at barnes and chernobyl#this is a large reason why i've been so exhausted the past couple of months#working with the RWDSU reps and organizing all my coworkers on top of still doing the grueling work at barnes#(and job hunting/applying on the side)#also i had to put down my cat nick last week and the pain keeps sneaking up on me intermittently#things have just been Real Rough for Angie Bee of late y'all#but there's definitely some lights at the end of the tunnel now and i'm feeling overall better about life#so that's good#state of the angie b.
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I loooove being tired all the time and then crawling into bed, thinking finally! and then not being able to get to sleep no matter how hard I try 😭😭😭
#ive been exhausted all day#but i just cant sleep#the insomia ive had the last couple months is CRAZY#i think ive been averaging out on around 4-5hrs of sleep a night#sometimes less#which cannot be healthy over an extended period!#i really should make a doctors appt about it next week 😩#personal
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I really don't like our brain's ability to jump from "I'm going to organise all this stuff and catch up with a bunch of tasks" to "it's time to get stuck in an increasingly distressing thought spiral for several hours, accidentally trigger yourself, then feel like shit because you haven't done anything but also haven't managed to rest".
like please can we maybe have like a nice middleground where we do a few things and then rest for a while and don't experience the full range of human emotions over the course of about 3 hours
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#the thing is that we were feeling pretty good and actually got some stuff done today#and then someone asked how we were doing and we mentioned this#and their response was to interrupt us to be like ''wow it must be nice to not feel like shit all the time''#before going on a rant about a bunch of stuff including topics that this person knows are triggering for us#so then we got frustrated and triggered and that threw us off and then we got stuck in a spiral over a bunch of stuff#and now we're exhausted and have no motivation to do anything and our brain is still trying to spiral more and we can't focus on anything#sorry for wanting to celebrate actually managing to do stuff after struggling with way worse executive dysfunction than usual all month#and by ''do stuff'' I mean we caught up with some journaling we'd missed#then added a handful of tasks to our to-do list so we'd remember to actually do them later#so a couple of things that are a big deal for us because they help us stay organised but take a lot of focus so we struggle with them#but at the same time they're tasks most people probably wouldn't view as any sort of actual achievement#part of it was also that we woke up with enough motivation to actually do what we'd planned to do today#but so far we've only done like one task from it because then all this shit happened and we haven't been able to do much else
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#my grandparents have been asking for me to draw a portrait of them for the past couple months#but ive been in an on and off creative block since july#ive made a few drawings related to my special interest but besides that its been next to nothing#because i just dont find any enjoyment in it and im exhausted all the time#which is probably also the depression. which i have frankly been avoiding treatment for#and now my grandfathers dying and my moms been asking about the drawing and i just feel so guilty about it#like what if by the time i finish it hes gone.#i do not get along with my grandparents but i just. ough#ive had so many relatives pass away the past couple years and its starting to sting a little man
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GUESS WHO GOT EARLY ACCEPTANCE INTO THE COLLEGE SHE WANTED?? THIS GIRLLLLL :D
(Wishing allllll the people’s applying for college rn good luck, and some sanity because lord knows it’s needed :,)
#bros I cannot lie these past couple months have been exhausting :)))#everyone’s always like ‘oh college will be tough!’#but they never tell u the before part when most of ur friends r gone and ur struggling and applying to places like a mad woman r rough too#but I’m fine🙂#anyways best of luck with college of u decide that’s ur path yall <33#(it’s also okay if college isn’t for u!!)#also is this life updat necessary?? no it is not no further questions#college#college acceptance#college student#applying to college
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z.....
#........tired....#since mid january i have worked 30-40 hrs a week on ~my project~ been keeping track in~my planner~ but god#exhausted by it..#cus i started it in like november but there was a couple months of obstacles so the grind was inconsistent#been tryna focus extra hard to finally move things along#its just so T_T much T_T work ahh T_T its definitely the most work ive ever put into something before..which also makes me nervous cus#its a hard thing to put something out thats so important to u its a horrifyingly vulnerable move#im sure it will b worth it in the end i just rly wanna finish itttt ahhhh im so screenfried T_____T
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once i remember how to write again its so fuckin over for yall
#my thoughts#ive been in gravity falls land for the last couple days but this is pretty typical behavior of me#about once or twice a year it’s all i can think about#and the book of bill hasn’t helped me be normal at all#but i really do wanna get the next chapter of the royalty au out by the end of the month#work just exhausts me
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#i KNOW my mental health is down the drain because i woke up panicking at 4:30am for seemingly no good reason#and that was half an hour ago and i still can't go back to sleep#and i've been feeling exhausted and on the edge about switching from this dual deal of education and job training#to a full time 8 to 5 deal#for the past 2 months#kept saying that i need a break soon or i'm gonna burn out but also kept pushing myself through daily sensory overload because#i kept telling myself that there are only a couple few weeks left of this and i can do it#and now there's exactly one week left of it all until i finally get a month off and i need to do my best to keep myself from tossing it all#out the window#because i'm worried about not being able to keep up with a full time job i now signed a three year contract for#considering this half time deal already took everything out of me#it's super frustrating because for a while there i really thought i'm on top of my shit but now i'm showing symptoms of an impending#mental breakdown and i have a month to get all of this under control somehow or i'm gonna blow my chance at a job i've been working my ass#off for the past six months to a) get it in the first place and b) earn important certificates for it#and a month is just not enough to get an appointment with a counselor who i can talk to about this#and once i'm working i'll hardly have any time left for appointments considering the insane amount of time i'll be spending commuting#to work every day because i didn't yet receive the bonus payment towards a car i was promised for my efforts here#genuinely wish i had someone i could rely on during times like these but i am basically providing for my entire environment and i just#gotta keep going somehow idk#rant#gonna try to get another half an hour of sleep in now i guess
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