#it's been a long hard career on the internet learning about this though

[centrally-unplanned]

Since I was talking about the "cellphones & boredom" topic earlier, here is the kind of "actually making a case" that some people are doing. The plural of anecdote isn't data or anything, but as someone who works in this field the academics quoted are reflecting a pretty consensus opinion across universities in my experience. Students legitimately cannot do longer-form tasks that they could do in the past, even up to students from high-ranking schools. I lean towards this being a true phenomenon, though the scale is TBD.

Is it because schools are "teaching to the test", as the above article outlines? I don't personally think that is the biggest driver, but I see the causal pattern here. I am generally skeptic of "generalizing education" - people learn in school, it is real, but they don't learn that much, and most of the traits people think school is "teaching" come from a grab bag of sources. But schools definitely teach you how to succeed in school! Being a Student is a skill, people are generally motivated by grades and the like, and so you learn "what works", and schools have absolutely been shifting their expectations. I would push back against the "lowering" them understanding, at least naively; a lot of students in those "great books" classes would sparknotes those fuckers and bluff through it, and so modern assignments can be better targeted. But schools are also responding to students, and parents, and there is a lot of pressure to "meet students where they are at" and pass everyone in the class; I can imagine this dynamic playing a role as well.

Of course it could also be the cell phones, I think they play a role too. But I would posit another causal mechanism - why read the long books? I mean I like long books, but even I these days will skip text sometimes that I can tell is filler and stuff. The internet has taught me not to fear long books, but to be efficient in my consumption, I know what I want so to speak. And that does make me read less of them.

And let's be real, 90%+ of the students, after their Great Books intro college seminar, never read books like that again. These classes did inspire some people, but never made a nation of readers out of most who attended. And that failure is positioned alongside a general trend of the "liberal arts" educational value declining to be replaced by college-as-career-advancement. A transition that is occurring because, overwhelmingly, the latter side was correct about the priorities they should have. Reflected back in culture, of course, like now one's peers also don't value reading long books, right? They talk about podcasts instead or w/e. But still, I think that is what makes putting this genie back in the bottle hard - students are probably correct to understand "reading long, dense books" as something with a minimal payoff for them.

If there are society-wide consequences of that, you can make the case - though since so few were ever readers post-college, I am skeptical. Or at least they are going to be more complex than this narrative puts out. But I am open minded on this one still, definitely a development to follow.

[marticoresims]

Custom career - Psychologist!

I edited LientebollemeiS2I's Psychologist career, changing nearly everything about it. What stayed are links to uni majors, the icon (which is also a uni major) and some inspiration for chance cards. IMO this career has a strong Maxis vibe, with "start from nothing" first levels, NPC references and silly chance cards.

Each level title has a number added to it, like in this mod.

The 4 skills required for this job are: Logic, Charisma, Cleaning and Creativity.

IMPORTANT EDIT: With LientebollemeiS2I's guidance, I also edited the GUID of the career and changed PTO (paid time off) back to default. Now you can use both our careers at the same time! The GUID is: 0xC6A05A9D. In case you need to check if you have something that uses the same one (it was generated, so might repeat).

DOWNLOAD (SFS)

List of levels with descriptions:

Psychology Books Enjoyer Lvl 1 You'll take any book that has anything to do with the topic of psychology and devour it instantly, hoping this knowledge will be useful some day.

Internet Mental Health Advisor Lvl 2 You dive into web forums to find the most interesting psychological cases and comment on them. Your aspirations are high, but you don't have the skills or degrees yet to become a real therapist. One can dream, though!

Social Bunny Lvl 3 You've actually made it to a real mental health institution, and not as a patient, but as an assistant… sort of. Don't forget to be the fluffiest bunny out there because what you're doing here is really helping other Sims. And all you ever wanted was to help others, right?

Therapist in Training Lvl 4 It's been hard, but you've made it to an actual psychology path. Just stay strong and you'll definitely open your own private practice office one day.

Social Worker Lvl 5 Whether it's leaving children home alone for too long, starving them or not dressing them appropriately to the weather… you'll be there to collect them and find more responsible families for them. It's a tough job, but it's something you have to get through in your training.

Private Counselor Lvl 6 You've finally made it! You're officially a therapist and working in your private office. Now, your mission is to care for your clients in the best way that you can. So don't stop educating yourself!

Psychology Researcher Lvl 7 Your passion for psychology is never-ending. You've decided to take it to the next level and do important research to contribute to the science. Good job!

Personality Specialist Lvl 8 During your research, you've grown very interested in the depths of Sims' personality. What can change it? To what extent is it genetic? What's that thing about werewolves?

Clinical Psychologist Lvl 9 Regular therapy practice and deep research were not quite enough for you. Now it's time to make real diagnoses, assist psychiatrists in their work, and make the world a better place. Keep on learning and you might become the ultimate Therapist.

Therapist NPC Lvl 10 It's time to deal with the real Wretched Outcasts and Doddering Deadbeats. In order to do it, you needed to learn teleportation, hypnosis and partial invisibility. If someone is in crisis, you're the Sim they'll always turn to.

As for clothes and cars (or lack thereof 👀), you'll have to see for yourself in game 😎

DOWNLOAD (SFS)

Hope you like it! I've always wanted a therapist-like career in The Sims 2.

Made with Bidou's Career Editor (now part of SimPE).

[regarding-stories]

Terry Pratchett, "Moving Pictures"

For a long, long time I've been a huge fan of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, many of which I have read so often, my softcover editions are about to fall apart. Recently, for a long distance flight, I selected a few to read and ended up rereading "Moving Pictures". And boy, is that one good. It's almost line-by-line genius, Pratchett in full stride.

But what makes it genius and Pratchett's series good? Let's have a look.

The Light Not-Fantastic

My first encounter with Pratchett almost drove me away. I was a huge Douglas Adams fan at the time. (Which didn't prevent me from tearing "Mostly Harmless" apart and tossing it.) I just loved his way of taking things to their logic but unreal end, that kind of humor. Knowing that, a friend recommended me to read Discworld.

The internet had just shown up and the first people were sharing e-books, which at that time meant text files, not scans, which made reading them (and keeping track where you were) about as much fun as pulling teeth. I tried reading "The Colour of Magic" and it didn't click. And looking back, I can tell why. On the one hand, my friend and I probably had different expectations of a book. And in his first books, Pratchett just hadn't learned to work his magic yet.

You don't start at the start, that's what.

"Moving Pictures" is not the first really good Discworld novel. That honor goes to "Wyrd Systers", number 6, chronologically. From there forward Sir Terry started to seriously knock them out of the park. He also knocked out a lot of books, but he was not simply prolific, he also was a really good novelist.

Discworld, in turn, is known for its "sub-series," each featuring a particular set of characters prominently. And "Moving Pictures" is the start for the Wizards' series. In order to become the start of its own thing, though, Terry had to rescue the wizards from his own worldbuilding mistakes. Magic featured prominently in the early books of the series, which in turn were the most "fantasy" ones. But there was a problem.

Burning down what you've built, again and again

The first two Discworld novels - "The Colour of Magic" and "The Light Fantastic" probably see the most world-building in the whole 41 books Sir Terry wrote set there. But thanks to main character Rincewind, we see most of that in the rearview mirror.

The core cast of these two novels consists of Rincewind, the world's worst wizard and coward; the Agathean tourist Twoflower, and a monstrosity called the Luggage, a many-legged chest.

But whenever any place or situation is developed, Rincewind will just run away from it, and the Luggage after him. This leads to a storytelling that feels heavily like the "and then" style, hardly pleasing.

Rincewind makes a poor protagonist, and would prove to be largely unsalvageable. The only novel featuring him as main character I find truly worth reading is "Interesting Times" (#17), though you could argue he was co-starring in that one. As late as #22 ("The Last Continent") Pratchett proved that these stories can be severely lacking, and in the whole run of Discworld I consider that one story the low point in mid-series. Again, we see Rincewind run past things spoofed and satirized that are meant to amuse us, and nothing really comes together. His best appearance is as a notable side character in "The Last Hero" (#27).

In fact, most any (surviving) character from early novels will become a side-show to better characters created later, enshrining them in the end as beloved cast members. But it's easy to see why Pterry had to give up on Rincewind as the lead of his books. He just makes it so terribly hard to establish anything. And the whole humor of heaping so much misery unto one character quickly gets old. The errant fool is not enough.

Career Dead-end

The other early mistake was to establish wizards as having a murderous hierarchy.

Climbing the career ladder for wizards meant offing somebody on the step above them, which made wizards ruthless, inventive, and some degree, funny. But out of the wizards from the early novels only two survive: Rincewind and the Librarian, a wizard turned into a mon... I mean, ape (!) who likes it so much, he remains as such. The first has no chance of rising (or stopping) and the second holds a position he's near-ideal for and which his new form is even better for.

The Librarian became one of the most beloved characters, and that's probably where Sir Terry took his hint for changing things for the better. With "Moving Pictures", the career pyramid for wizards ends at Archchancellor, and by putting a sort of keystone there holding everything in place, everybody kind of settles down. Unseen University becomes a lot more like a regular British university in terms of eccentric professors (or senior wizards) and suddenly you can have this fantastic, growing side cast you can develop.

Characters all the way down

And developing a great cast is what Discworld became all about.

Novels #6 to #10 are:

6. "Wyrd Sisters" (kicking of the Witches) 7. "Pyramids" (standalone) 8. "Guards! Guards!" (starting the Watch sub-series) 9. "Eric" (a Rincewind-ish novel) 10. "Moving Pictures" (reinventing the Wizards)

While Pratchett coins or really deepens some great locations (Ankh-Morpork, Lancre, Ephebe) in these novels, the true stars are the characters populating 4 out 5 of these.

All these series are marked by a likable, quirky ensemble cast that bounces dialogue off of each other. And Pratchett starts to color more inside the lines by wrapping all of these in one plot instead of a series of humorous events. Combine this with his witty observations about human nature disguised as descriptions, and a winning formula was born.

And while he had cast recurring through most of his novels, "Pyramids" proves that even that is not necessary for a great book. It's entirely self-contained.

Bloated thaumocrats

The majority of his "series" revolve around their protagonists, yet some do not. The Wizards are practically always the side show to whoever is leading the story ("Moving Pictures", "Lords and Ladies", "Soul Music", "The Last Continent", "The Last Hero", etc), but they enrich every story they're in by simply mucking about in their own way.

While filling a lot of pages, the wizards actually don't play any kind of central role in "Moving Pictures". They're just a humorous addition, really, not plot-essential except for providing transportation once. And yet, all, the pages they fill, they fill them quite well. Like their robes, really.

This patterns persists until the end. The wizards may get their own story thread or may be utter side cast, but are never quite cast aside. They co-star with Death and Death's granddaughter, Susan; Rincewind, the witches from Lancre, even. And they have an endless amount of cameos. They come front and center in "The Science of Discworld" - or do they become sidelined by Science itself...?

They will definitely become part of what makes Discworld feel alive, this sense of being able to walk into a place and they will be there, caught up in their own thing (most likely: eating big meals and bickering).

This happens with a fair share of great Discworld characters... Nanny Ogg might be called upon as a midwife, Vimes of the Watch may end up part of a military campaign in a distant land, same for the newspaper from "The Truth". They become the movers and shakers of the world, and they end up in a lot of places.

Original vs sequel

"Moving Pictures" is a great novel in itself. Since it introduces a whole set of characters (the Wizards and Gaspode), it feels quite alive and uses them to their full extent in terms of funny. The unofficial sequel, "Soul Music", however, is not as good.

"Moving Pictures" and "Soul Music" have basically the same plot. A group of people does a kind-of forbidden thing inspired by an infectious idea, movies and rock n' roll music, respectively. Eventually this threatens to bring down the weak fabric of reality. There are differences, of course, but they're so similar even in the construction of their titles, it's hard to argue they're not related to each other.

In "Moving Pictures" our protagonist is a stand-in for Errol Flynn, but the scenes are so well-described, that even without knowing a lot about early Hollywood or the black and white era, you can have a lot of fun with the book. (A lot of what most of us know about the silent movie era is usually from a few iconic clips and not from having watched a full length movie, after all.)

"Soul Music" has a stand-in for "Buddy Holly", and it's quite on the nose about that fact, in comparison. It's quite on the nose about everything, considering. It reads much more like a satire or parody than "Moving Pictures" does, as if Sir Terry had a much shakier grasp on the topic of music. When it came to "Moving Pictures", he certainly had one of how to shape stories and their magic which might explain the difference.

I mean, come on. "Soul Music" tries to reuse jokes out of the movie "Blues Brothers"! In case you haven't seen this classic, the jokes just hang there, in a weird way. While "Moving Pictures" is enhanced by being able to recall the scenes it references, the humor is all there, baked into the situations itself. It's organic.

"Soul Music" then suffers from the fact that Death plays a somewhat pivotal role in it. The closer Death is to being central to the story, the less engaging a story becomes... it takes Pratchett a long while to write a truly compelling, funny, riveting story that features Death and Susan at its core: "Thief of Time" (one of the best Discworld novels, no doubt). Which is also their curtain call as protagonists. Some people really like the Death novels, but I find Death as a character at his best when he's not front and center. Ironically, the anthropomorphization of the end of all things is poison to most stories he's applied to a greater extent.

"Soul Music" is one of the novels that is actually summed up by the statement I loathe in most Pratchett softcovers intro pages. "Satire at its best" - by some book review in a paper somewhere, meant to sell the book. "Soul Music" largely remains satire, it doesn't develop a life of its own. "Moving Pictures" feels like it moves beyond satire and tells a story just bursting with character.

How is "Moving Pictures" beyond satire? Take the scene with the animals that get drawn to Holy Wood because they match cartoons of the early era. They're allusions to "Tom & Jerry" and the "Looney Tunes/Toons", just as Gaspode and Laddie are references to "Rin Tin Tin" and "Lassie".

But they are on the page merely for a few lines and they immediately develop their own personality. Because they resent the stereotypical names they are given. It's dead funny and funnier than mere satire. The animals don't act like the characters they're meant to represent (unless made to do so by Holy Wood magic), but they become this disgruntled community doing their part, full of an attitude of their own instead of copycats.

In ways I find hard to explain, "Soul Music" doesn't come together like this. To me, it feels like a greater love shines through the pages of "Moving Pictures" than its lesser successor, the magic doesn't quite come back. It still reads well, but I'm much less likely to pick it back up.

Usually one wouldn't even comment on this in a sequel, because that's how it goes for most follow-up books or movies. So much so, we gladly remember those that buck the trend. It is a credit to Terry Pratchett as a writer that he not only was able to create so many good stories, but so many of them sequels featuring a similar cast.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Zack Beauchamp at Vox:

When Donald Trump flew to Pennsylvania for a 9/11 anniversary event this week, he brought an unusual companion: a 9/11 conspiracist named Laura Loomer. Loomer has been a quasi-journalist on the fringe right for about a decade, with a penchant for saying things that make even hardened MAGA types recoil. She is a self-described “proud Islamophobe” who has cheered the deaths of migrants and called for Muslims to be banned from driving for ride-hail apps. She ran for Congress twice, in 2020 and 2022, and failed both times. More recently, Loomer has called Kamala Harris a “drug-using prostitute” and warned that, if she wins, “the White House will smell like curry & White House speeches will be facilitated via a call center.” Despite all of this, Trump has long displayed a soft spot for Loomer. He endorsed her House bid in 2020 and, in 2023, tried to offer her a spot on his campaign — only to back down after aides revolted. Undeterred, he hosted her at Mar-a-Lago afterward, repeatedly boosted her content on Truth Social, and traveled with her on the 2024 campaign trail.

It’s not clear what Trump gets out of this relationship. But his ties to Loomer have become a major controversy since the 9/11 event, with some of the former president’s closest allies speaking publicly against Loomer. “The history of this person is just really toxic,” Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) told the HuffPost. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) — who claimed a Jewish family was using space lasers to start wildfires! — thinks Loomer is a bridge too far, calling Loomer’s tweet about Harris and curry “appalling and extremely racist.” (Loomer responded by accusing Greene of sleeping with a “Zangief cosplayer.”) It’s hard to take these condemnations all that seriously. Trump and his vice presidential pick have spent this week pushing a nasty conspiracy theory about Haitian immigrants stealing and eating people’s pets that appears to have inspired real-world hate crimes. If you’re worried about racism and conspiracy theorizing, maybe take a look at the top of the ticket. But what makes Loomer different from Trump is that she has literally no filter. She says the quiet part out loud, every single time. The more time Trump spends with her, the harder it is to deny that his thinly veiled bigotry is anything but the genuine article. And that, for the Republican Party, is a very big problem indeed.

Who is Laura Loomer?

Loomer isn’t a household name for most Americans, but she’s been a presence in the conservative media ecosystem for quite some time. She first attracted attention in 2015 when, as a college senior at Barry University in South Florida, she secretly filmed a meeting with administrators in which she attempted to form a campus club supporting ISIS. The video was released by Project Veritas, the conservative group that specializes in (questionably edited) sting videos. Loomer worked for Project Veritas during the 2016 presidential campaign and learned to build a career out of political stunts. She grabbed the national spotlight in June 2017 when she stormed the stage at a performance of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar in New York that dressed the Roman general like Donald Trump. The disruption earned Loomer a booking on Sean Hannity’s show.

“You were making a very strong point. I applaud you for what you’ve done,” Hannity told her. Loomer parlayed the notoriety from the Julius Caesar incident into a kind of internet celebrity on the pro-Trump right. The problem with celebrity, though, is that it can give you too many opportunities to show yourself. And Loomer proved to be someone with truly out-there opinions. After an ISIS supporter killed eight people with a truck in November 2017, she went on an Islamophobic rant on Twitter, blaming popular ride-hailing apps for employing Muslim drivers. “Someone needs to create a non Islamic form of Uber or Lyft because I never want to support another Islamic immigrant driver,” she wrote. The two services subsequently banned her, the first of many bans from high-profile tech platforms.

[...] This particular cocktail of hate speech and conspiracy theory misinformation became the hallmark of Loomer’s political style, prompting bans from major social media platforms. The straw that broke the camel’s back on Twitter, for example, came in November 2018 when Loomer tweeted that Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) supported female genital mutilation because she is Muslim. In response to the ban, which came a year after Twitter stripped her blue check mark (then something given to notable people rather than a badge to be purchased) as punishment for similar false and offensive claims, Loomer physically chained herself to Twitter’s headquarters in New York while wearing a Nazi-style yellow star. It’s worth noting here that Loomer is Jewish but has long had tight links to the white nationalist movement. She is, for example, close with the avowed anti-Semite Nick Fuentes who dined with Trump in 2022, and once broadly boasted that “I’m going to fight for white people.”

Presenting herself as a victim of Big Tech censorship, she found allies in popular far-right publications like Breitbart as well as in Washington. In December 2019, then-President Trump retweeted a Loomer supporter calling for donations to her campaign. In May 2020, Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ) sent a letter to Attorney General Bill Barr calling on him to open an investigation into Loomer’s Facebook ban. She was reinstated on Twitter after Elon Musk’s purchase of the site.

[...]

Why Laura Loomer matters

There is a reason that Laura Loomer has even Marjorie Taylor Greene panicking, and it’s not just that the two reportedly have personal beef. It’s that Laura Loomer makes the rest of the Republican Party look terrible. For decades, right-wing flirtation with racism has taken place through dog whistles and coded messages. Ronald Reagan’s attacks on “welfare queens” didn’t involve actual racist slurs but conjured up a mental image for some white voters of a poor lazy Black woman exploiting taxpayer dollars to live comfortably. Liberals would call this rhetoric racism, conservatives would say liberals are just trying to shut down legitimate debate, and round-and-round we went. [...] But after capitulating to Trump, the GOP fell back into its old habits. No matter how outrageous Trump’s rhetoric and even his actions became — from the Muslim ban to family separation — liberal critiques were met with the same kinds of dismissals. Trump’s rhetoric about immigration and crime can’t be racist, they would say; he’s just speaking the language of forgotten Americans left behind by globalization. Liberals, they’d say, are making everything about race when it’s not.

Vox gives an insightful overview into the right-wing MAGA shill that's too toxic for even MTG and virulently anti-Islam hack Laura Loomer.

See Also:

MMFA: Donald Trump and “pro-white nationalism” pundit Laura Loomer: A guide to their relationship

MMFA: Trump amplified Laura Loomer on Truth Social over 20 times in 9 months

[randadrives]

"But. . . How do you make money?"

Once upon a time, questions like: “How do you live that way? Where do you get money?” were considered rude. I don’t mind it too much, because I understand where it stems from. I understand I live outside of a societal norm (though being a nomad has increased in popularity over the years). Some people wonder, like I once did, because they want to know if it’s something they can accomplish. I’m not a trust fund child. My parents didn’t gift me some large amount of ridiculous money that I am squandering irresponsibly. I'm in no way a financial advisor. And I have no hack on how to make money while living a nomadic lifestyle. However, I can offer some insight on how I live this way, and how I have seen others live in a similar way. 

At the end of 2023 I was working my dream job and being paid well to do it. There was a fresh new badge waiting for me with my new detective number on it. And I was the unhappiest I had ever been, so I was on my way out the door. It was difficult to walk away from a place that was soon to be giving me about 100k annually if I would just stay long enough to reach the top pay. I had never dreamed of that kind of salary being in my grasp, and especially not at 31 years old. I had no bachelor’s degree, I didn’t go to college for years, I had no connections with important people to get me there. I tried really hard to convince myself to stick it out a bit longer, but it did not take me long to learn that the grass really is not greener on the other side, and I was not built for the mental stress of the career I had chosen. I needed a drastic change, and I needed it soon. I am proud of my past self for being the penny pincher that I was post-divorce (even if it was from money trauma). For the first couple years after graduating the police academy, I was working several part-time jobs making low pay. Despite receiving a substantial raise after struggling financially, I never increased my spending habits. Which leads me to the first financial habit of my lifestyle:

Live below your means

It’s easy to go from making $15 an hour with no overtime or benefits, to $33 an hour with great benefits and plenty of overtime opportunities, and change your lifestyle. Buy a more expensive vehicle, treat yourself to more clothes, eat out all the time, go out for drinks with coworkers every night, buy dumb shit on the internet as a hobby, etc. Easy, but not ideal. I am a paranoid, “what if?” type of person. I like to be prepared, and I don’t like feeling wasteful. I paid off my vehicle so I didn’t have a car payment anymore, and I continued to live, for the most part, like I was still only making $15 an hour. I did not take out more debt unless I absolutely had to. If I did, it was low interest debt, like a vehicle loan, and not high interest credit card debt. All that money I wasn’t spending was going into a savings account. Not a good one, just a regular savings account with virtually no compounding interest, but it was still piling up. Once I finally decided to leave my job, I had a decent cushion to fall back on. It’s not magic or a secret, just live below your means and prioritize. I had to say “I can’t afford that” or “that isn’t in my budget” frequently, and I had to mean it. And I still do that. Fortunately, I have done some research since then and know more about High Yield Savings accounts and investing, so I like to think even though I’m making a fraction of the amount of money I did then, I do better at making it work for me. An extension of this habit is:

Prioritize wants and needs

To live this lifestyle, it takes drive. It takes making and committing to a decision that travel and living intentionally are more important than having things. I have become a person who doesn't like to receive physical things as gifts, because they take up too much space, they weigh too much, and I have to create a place for new things in my small living space. I like the types of gifts that are edible best now, but honestly, who doesn't? When I talk about priorities, I probably have a different vision than others. I don't need a new cell phone every two years when the one I have still works. I don't need to purchase new things when they can be fixed for a lower cost. I also prioritize higher quality products. I invest in a more expensive item up front if I know it's going to last longer, not needing replaced all the time because it was cheaply made. On the flip side, there are many things I choose to purchase used, and occasions I have bartered or traded to get something new I want. Even within the community of people who live nomadically, priorities can be vastly different. One of the most important things in my budget personally is fuel money, because I like to move around and explore. Others can park their rig in one spot for 2 months and be perfectly content, having a way lower fuel budget than me. Also, it may seem like common sense to me now, but I feel it necessary to point out living in a vehicle or in a camper CAN be quite a bit cheaper than owning a house or renting a living space. Your bills tend to decrease the more you downsize, if you're doing it right. Priorities also range because people are bringing in vastly different incomes. There are digital nomads, working remotely in their careers, there are retired couples living their dream of not working to live, and there are those of us working seasonally.

Seasonal jobs, side gigs, and work camping

Work camping is an employment opportunity just about anyone can do, with seasonal contracts being popular amongst those who want to explore. It was a great way for me to ease into this lifestyle with a direction and some stability for a few months, offering me a spot to stay and co-workers to lean on. I joined a website and a Facebook group to find a job and had several phone and Zoom interviews before landing one in an area I had my heart set on. I accepted a housekeeping position at a campground in Moab, Utah. That gave me a direction to drive so I wasn't just wandering aimlessly, and a free place to park as well as a paycheck. While there, I also did pet sitting and dog walking on the Rover app for extra money. I took one work camping gig after that, in Yuma, AZ, and I continued using the Rover app. I will probably look for another work camping position in the future, though right now I'm taking a break from it. Some people line these up so that each season they're in a different location with a guaranteed job, going north to south, or east to west as the year goes on. I prefer housekeeping because I like to work alone now and prefer minimal interaction with other people. But there are also desk positions, maintenance, management, bartending, events coordination, and many more. This lifestyle requires flexibility! Working in campgrounds is not the only way to work seasonally. There are ranches, farms, hotels/resorts, tour guides, National and state parks, etc. Some even provide housing/lodging and some offer campsites. Other types of side gigs could be DoorDash, Uber, house sitting, and many other independent contracting jobs. Creativity is another requirement. I have come across travelers who own businesses and offer services cleaning and fixing RVs, photography, officiating weddings, jewelry making, and just about anything else one can think of. The opportunities for work on the road are endless! For those retirees who don't want to earn an income but want to help and stay busy, volunteer opportunities are everywhere as well, such as camp hosting in state parks.

The elusive remote job

I won't skip over the topic of digital nomads. I searched for and applied to remote job listing for months before leaving my career. I continued to search and apply for months after. Occasionally, if I get bored, I'll begrudgingly open my laptop and do it again. . . Unfortunately, I haven't had the best experience. I do know others who have, but much of the time it appears these are jobs in companies they already worked for, or there was some type of "connect" to land the opportunity. I would love to encourage people to try to find a remote job and hit the road, but for many it's just not realistic. The same goes for content creation. It really works for some of those who live in their vans or truck campers, and they spend full time hours working on brand deals and creating videos for YouTube and Instagram, but for me and many others, it's just not a realistic goal. I'm not discouraging from either of these paths, but acknowledging they are not easy ones.

Choose where you park wisely

Sure, there are folks who live full time in their rigs at various campgrounds, but I am not one of them. That goes back to the "living below your means" thing for me. That is not within my means, unless I'm working at said campground and they're giving me a free or discounted spot. Finding free places to stay is much more my speed, which is why I spend so much time in the western part of the States. Public land is abundant there, and it's easy to find through apps, a search engine, or even stopping at the offices of forest service to ask. I invested in solar to be able to do this - a higher cost up front that has saved me money in the long run. When I do need a break from dry camping and want to run electricity and do maintenance tasks, or if I'm in an area of the US where there just isn't much public land, I will usually choose a lower cost type of campground such as an Army Corps of Engineer (COE) campground, a state park, county park, or city park. With a little research, you will find that these places offer full hook up or partial hook up campsites in awesome areas at a fraction of the cost of commercial campgrounds.

Cheap entertainment

Staying at these types of locations leads us into how much money hobbies cost. Like anything else, this can vary greatly based on the individual. I enjoy hiking, nature, sightseeing, historic sites, reading, writing, watching movies, stargazing, building fires, cooking, and a lot of other inexpensive hobbies. My hobbies are accessible because of the places I camp, most of the time being right in the center of all things outdoorsy. I have found free museums, inexpensive zoos, and made friends with other campers and nomads so I have people to sit around a fire and talk with. Being a cheap date is a perk in this lifestyle. I truly never feel like I'm missing out when this country has so much to offer. A long time ago I let go of any need to impress people with what I can purchase, and choose to spend my time seeking different views in nature.

When people ask me the intrusive questions like "but, how do you make money?" when discovering I don't live in a house or have a full-time job, I don't typically go into as much detail. More often than not, they are just being nosey, or they won't believe me anyway. It's more fun to answer with "I sell photos of my feet online," and shrug it away.

[badwritinghabit]

Chef's Kiss | Carmy x fem!OC x Luca | Chapter 4

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist | Ao3

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, Carmy panicking

Word Count: 2,501

Summary: Sophie and Sydney bond over dealing with Carmy's bullshit. And Sophie and Carmy get close in the kitchen.

Sophie started building a friendship with Sydney, the sous chef in Carmy’s kitchen. Their short time cooking together at The Beef acted as an introduction and when Sophie ran into Sydney at a farmer’s market, they reconnected and ended up spending the afternoon together. They wandered the market and eventually decided to chat over coffee and pastries at a coffee shop nearby.

The two bonded over their experiences in restaurants, exchanging stories. Sophie learned about Sydney’s catering experience and her time in culinary school. Sophie shared about her time in San Diego, how she missed California but had to admit Chicago had its own charm.

Sydney updated her about the restaurant. Carmy and the crew at The Beef had found money Mikey was hiding in cans of tomatoes. And they were planning to rebuild into an entirely new fine dining spot, with a window to keep hold of their roots and still sell their famous sandwiches.

Sophie was happy for them. Carmy had talked about his dream to help Mikey turn the restaurant into the Bear for so long. Syd was also excited to be working in a restaurant more fitting of her experience. She deserved the role of CDC and Sophie was thrilled for her.

“I needed this,” Sydney sighed into her coffee mug, looking at Sophie after she vented some of her frustrations. “Carmy is driving me insane.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s been even more unresponsive lately. And I know after his brother– I mean, I can’t imagine.” Sydney had quieted. “Tina was telling me how close they were. How Mikey had been a little unstable but no one ever expected–” she trailed off and Sophie went cold.

“Richie told me he had passed but I didn’t realize.. he- Mikey killed himself?” Sophie asked, feeling her heart start to race.

“You didn’t know? Oh shit. I assumed since you and Carmy were friends you must’ve– it was all over the internet too. With the Beef. There was a couple articles. And Carmy being Carmy…” Sydney was clearly uncomfortable, feeling guilty for spilling something she worried she shouldn’t have.

“No it’s okay, Syd. Carmy and I hadn’t really talked since he went to work at Noma. And I hadn’t really kept up with his career,” Sophie regretted not trying harder to keep track of where he had ended up.

“It’s hard because I know it explains some of this. I can’t blame him. But also, this is my future too. I can’t risk my career if he isn’t all in. And he keeps leaving me hanging.”

“You are absolutely right. Even if he has a reason it doesn’t make it okay for him to abandon you,” Sophie agreed, head still spinning with the news of Mikey’s suicide. “Damn, sorry Syd. I wish I could help. I don’t think me talking to him would be any help though.”

“Did something happen between you? It seemed like you two were talking and now you’re avoiding each other,” Syd said, leaving it open for Sophie to respond.

“It’s a long story. We had a bit of a disagreement,” she paused. “But I wish I knew about Mikey. My dad– uh. My dad also took his own life. A few years before I met Carmy actually. So I know what it’s like,” she said, softly. “Should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He has other things on his mind,” she explained.

“Oh I’m so sorry Sophie,” Syd was instantly sympathetic and Sophie nodded. “I’m sure you and Carmy will work it out,” Syd smiled at her encouragingly.

Sophie hoped she was right.

---

It seemed as though Sydney must’ve said something, done some urging, because Carmy called Sophie a few days after they spoke. He asked her to visit, to come see what they were doing with the new restaurant. And to discuss their decor decisions. He said she had the better eye for art and design. She disagreed, Carmy was one of the most detail oriented people she’d ever met. But she did enjoy it and it was a good excuse to put what happened behind them.

Her visit was fairly short and Carmy was quiet, as usual. She learned a little about the stress of kitchen prep, getting all of the permits, making sure the new space was up to code. She met Carmy’s sister Sugar and offered her help where she could.

She still felt a little awkward around him, a little annoyed at him and herself. But she wanted Carmy’s restaurant to be successful. He deserved it.

She left before they could ever interact without Sydney or Sugar also there.

---

Weeks later, Sophie received a call. Carmy’s voice sounded through her phone. “Soph. I– I know this is sudden. But I have an idea for a dish and I was hoping I could cook it for you.”

“A new dish for the menu?” she asked, confused.

“Yes. I had this idea and I couldn't get it out of my head. Could I come over? I want you to try it.”

“Oh– of course, Carm. Tonight?”

“Yeah. If that’s okay,” he sounded unsure. As if he just realized he was making a strange request.

“Yeah. That would be fine. You can come over whenever.”

Carmy called when he got to the front door and she found him outside, looking slightly flustered, holding a giant bag of groceries. She grinned at him and led him upstairs.

“I won’t get in your way but let me know if you need help. Or a taste tester,” she said. She walked back to sit on the couch and tried to work a little on her laptop.

Something about the sounds of Carmy cooking in her apartment made her feel at peace. Like all of the nights in New York, shuffling around in her tiny apartment, cooking into the early hours of the morning. She missed it. The comfort of just having him around. Eventually she stopped pretending to work and found herself just looking over at him while he cooked.

“This feels a lot like New York, doesn’t it?” he asked, as if he could feel her attention on him.

“I was just thinking about that”, she admitted, walking over and leaning against her kitchen island to get a better view of his cooking. She hummed. “Do you remember that night we made those god awful ginger prawns?”

Carmy laughed, loudly, caught by surprise. “Fuck, I forgot about that.”

“My roommates were so mad. Our apartment smelled terrible for a week.” She shook her head with a grin.

“This smells amazing though. Almost like–” She stopped for a second when she saw the chicken and herbs in the cast iron skillet on her stove. “Chicken Paillard?”

“It is. A little bit of a twist. Because you used to be obsessed with potatoes. And bacon lardons.”

“This is like our lazy sunday dish.” She was astonished. “But French.”

“A little French. A little Danish. Mostly just– our dish. It’s what I want the Bear to be. All of the things I love.” Sophie blushed at the softness in his voice.

He had started plating it, his hands sure as he placed the chicken over the salad of greens, roasted veggies, and crisped polenta– alongside the small caramelized potatoes. An herb and lemon scented pan sauce carefully poured over the top. He turned and handed it to her.

She bit her lip but took the plate and looked it over. Devouring the details, the mix of colors, the golden potatoes and the bright greens and the crispy, browned chicken. She took a bite.

“It’s amazing,” she said, knowing she was blushing. After another moment of thought, she looked up at Carmy with wide eyes. “I remember these potatoes. The Danish recipe.” He had cooked them for her the night he told her he was applying to Noma. She remembered so clearly sitting and watching him cook for her. Sad about his possible departure but happy for him. He was so excited. And he deserved good things.

This dish was all of it. It was New York. It was them, sitting in the kitchen at 2am laughing over complete nonsense because they were so exhausted they had become giddy. All of the quiet joy they had found amidst the chaos. She took another bite. Then she slid the plate over to him. He reached over and took a bite as well, looking at it thoughtfully. “You’re too talented for your own good,” she said, voice too intense for what she meant as a way to play off how much it meant to her. For him to make this dish.

He smiled at her, his own cheeks flaring pink. “I’ve been so fucking lost. Making the menu for The Bear. Syd has helped a lot but we’re both just taking swings wildly, trying to make something memorable. But for some reason this afternoon I couldn’t get our chicken dish out of my head. And I wanted to make something that felt like that. I wanted it to feel like your kitchen in New York.”

Her heart pounded. She was getting caught up in him again. She didn’t want to mess it up. She knew what he was going through. With Mikey. Didn’t want to make things worse for him.

“It’s perfect,” she blinked and looked away, trying to cut the tension. “But you improving on our dish feels a little like that terrible Bobby Flay show,” Sophie joked, lightly. He huffed out a laugh before looking at her with his unbelievably emotional eyes. “I think this is my new favorite dish,” she said, thoughtfully. His eyes lit up and she decided to tell him just how much she loved his cooking– had always loved his cooking. “For years my favorite has been that veal saltimbocca you made for us on our last night in New York,” she admitted quietly, hoping he didn’t feel odd about her obsession with his food.

“That was your favorite?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Yeah. Are you kidding me? It was simple but perfect. Back to basics, that’s what we talked about back then, remember? I was so annoyed with fine dining then, turning everything into foam. I feel like that conversation, that dish changed my career. It has stuck with me ever since.” She realized she had rambled, gotten too passionate, and bit her lip.

Carmy had stepped closer to her. “That day– those dolma you made? I tried for months to get that recipe right,” he said to her, eyes burning into hers. She felt the air leave her lungs. It had changed– the energy between them. Her hands gripped the edge of the counter, nervous. “And those caneles– I get a canele every time I see it on a menu now.”

She blushed, feeling nervous energy shoot up her spine as he stood in front of her, hands on either side of her hips against the counter. “I remember wanting to make something so you wouldn’t forget me when you were off traveling the world,” she responded softly.

He was standing so very close and shifted even closer, she moved slightly, making space between her legs so that they were on either side of his hips. Her heart pounded. He moved his hands and the feeling of his palms on her thighs burned through her jeans. “It worked.” It was a whisper.

And then his lips were on hers, the taste of lemon and smoke still on his tongue from the dish. He was soft and gentle, hands unmoving on the outside of her thighs. But she wanted more. She lifted her hand and tangled it into his hair.

Her thoughts had found her here numerous times before but none of it compared to the reality. The feel of his lips against hers. His hands as they smoothed up from her thighs to her hips, pulling her against him. His hand traveled up the curve of her back and cupped the back of her neck, fingers entwined in her hair. She was burning, every inch of her he touched suddenly alight.

And then it was over.

He pulled back and she found herself looking into his eyes. Something had changed. He was pulling away again.

“Wait.” He stepped back and pushed a hand to his forehead. “Shit, I shouldn’t have.” He was panicking, eyes wide. Gripping his hair, he turned and cursed to himself.

She reached out to him, still breathless. Her brain struggled to catch up but something kicked in, seeing Carmy’s clear distress. “Carm, it’s okay. I know you are about to start a restaurant. Not a good time to make things complicated,” she said, quickly changing to comforting mode. She was still thrown for a loop, her lips and fingertips tingling from the kiss. But she was worried about him. “It’s fine,” she said, again. Trying to mollify whatever feelings he was having. Remembering what she learned about Mikey. Knowing he must be so fucking exhausted with it all. She didn’t want to be another problem.

“No.” He shook his head, hands running through his hair. “Fuck. I ran into Claire. From high school.” She recognized the name, of course. The two had talked about their childhoods and she came up. “We ran into each other and then I helped her move some furniture. And she took me to a party.” He had let go of his hair and it fell across his face. He looked disheveled and broken and apologetic. She realized what was happening. He was choosing Claire. Then why did he kiss her?

Her heart raced. Shame burning the pit of her stomach. But she forced herself to respond. The embarrassment and hurt could come later. “Oh that– that’s good, right?” She asked, her voice sounding much more clear and confident than she expected, even with the stutter. “I know what she meant to you,” she said when he remained silent.

Why did you kiss me? She wanted to ask. Wanted to rewind and have him take it back. It wasn’t fair to do this to her. Make a dish for her. For them. Kiss her. Then say he was with someone else.

“I’m–fuck.” His hands were shaking. “Fuck I’m so sorry, Soph.” He walked over to the table and grabbed his jacket. “I’m going.” And he ran out the door.

She stood there in the kitchen as he left. Eventually she turned to look at the plate of food. Their relationship on a plate. Their hopes and dreams as young chefs. The little safe friendship they had built. She grabbed the plate and threw it into the trash.

She felt tears streaming down her face before she realized she had started crying. She walked over to her couch, grabbed her cellphone from the table, and called Mallary.

“Hello?” her sister’s voice answered almost immediately.

“Mal,” Sophie’s voice wavered, a sob escaping before she could help it.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“He kissed me.”

[spaceoperetta]

today I learned a new phrase!

tw suicide, long post where I talk about how awful I've been feeling

'passively suicidal.'

of all things, I saw it on a twitter post about kendall roy

and, uh, that's what I'm going through right now I'm having a bad time.

I'll be fine I'm not going to do anything but I have cried every day for the last two weeks. don't give yourself constant jaw pain by letting a new-to-me dentist file down the side of your tooth. (I needed a filling replaced early bc of pain but it was nothing compared to this, I'm so stupid and instantly knew something was wrong after, I legit got home and wanted to hurt myself, but when I called the dentist back they wanted to file more shit down to fix it and, no.)

Ways to fix it run anywhere from 'get the filling adjusted by a different, trusted professional' (done, but they can't build up what was ground down) to 'try a mouth guard' (better but doesn't fix the issue) and I guess I'll need a crown or to cope with unending pain in my jaw for the rest of my life. except they make crowns off your current tooth and it's not right! and I got a filling since then elsewhere! something I am utter shit at because I caused it by saying yes it's not like I was hit by a car

hurts to talk, no singing from me, and I still can't do all that much shit with my wrists and therefore hands because, still recovering from wrist surgery. and my neck's been hurting for two months.

going to see a new therapist next week, at least. unfortunately due to my first hand POV of my siblings extensive health issues I always think my health issues will never go away/get worse. because that's been my past two years and also my past six months

anyway turns out 'passively suicidal' is the correct phrase for what I went through in college due to my whole breakdown and it's back except I'm not in school and it's in my body and even though I know it doesn't matter, they're issues I caused myself, one way or another. (and that's what's driving me crazy with self-loathing amidst the pain)

working on fixing things but I have no energy and mostly just sit around like a lump and crying a lot. I need a routine but that's hard when all I want to do is sleep or do nothing, barely keeping on with 'massage healing surgery site 3x a day' my first one was at 2pm today.

so, uh, I'm feeling up there with said college breakdown for worse consistent feeling in life. I'm not going to do anything I just feel sad and upset and awful most of the time either that or nothing and I have successfully zoned out for a few hours watching streams or internet videos. I have trouble imagining any future for myself, career-wise, personal life-wise, anything. I've never been good at that, and granted, I've spent more of my adult life being depressed than being productive.

anyway, hopefully like the mountain goats say, there will come a day when I will feel better, but when that day's coming, who can say?

I got some prozac from my pcp but haven't started it yet due to imagined, easily resolved barriers

I just feel like if I don't fix things it'll be like this forever and this will never go away. because it's fucking jaw pain and I have to fix the bite issue. my orthodontist said my bite's always been shit and my dentist said my bite is 'perfect' and uh I believe one of the more than the other.

I've just had a lot of health issues this year and half of them were caused by saying 'yes' to something I shouldn't have and now I'm in pain and the other half were 'so you played too many videogames two years ago to distract from the desire to self harm and now you just think about how that harmed you even more than that moment of slapping yourself would have'

yes I know it's all stupid

[feeneeweenee]

What has happened ever since Saturn has entered my 12th House!

Let me give you some context about my chart, first and foremost: I'm a Virgo Sun, Aries Rising, and Pisces moon. My moon is in the 12th house, which opposes my Virgo sun. My Mars is also in Virgo, so that's also being opposed in this Saturn transit. Alright, lets continue..!

Gone To Therapy For The First Time: I hit a very harsh hurdle in my life. A lot of social circle changes were taking place, and things were indefinitely ending. I was extremely fearful of getting into therapy, but something made me bite the bullet. You'll read what exactly has changed for me in this post!

Started My First Ever Job: I was beyond scared to start my first job, since I was often fear mongered about the outside world.

Ended Long-Term Relationships: Specifically, I've ended two. One of them, 5 years, the other.. a year and a half... maybe? It was made clear to me through very uneasy feelings (such as fear and anxiousness), endless conversations with these two, and constant bickering that I should move on, and drop them both.

Created a More Solid Foundation With My Spirituality: I've been functioning with my spirituality out of truth, realism, and skepticism. Not that I haven't before, but its been more implemented in a way. My belief in spirituality, my workings, etc is more solid than ever!

Started Learning How To Drive: ...with no fear attached! I remember when I was 15 yrs old, I'd constantly have anxiety attacks behind the wheel, I wasn't ready in the slightest. Now though? Absolutely no fear. This was such a big milestone for me, along with me getting my first job!

Starting Thinking About Moving Out Seriously: In the past, I was extremely scared of the thought of moving out. Now, I'm suddenly more comfortable with it. I feel fearless to move in with my boyfriend!

Changed My Identity And Mission On The Internet: So, for anyone who doesn't know, I Vtube. I used to say "Im a Vtuber", but recently I've noticed that doesn't resonate with me anymore. I started showing my face a lot more, and let my real name be known. I feel this need to show myself to my full potential, and my full range. Btw, by "mission" I just mean what content I want to create :) This is also something I heavily feared.

Been Separating From My Mother a Lot More: Adulting is hard when you have a helicopter, or codependent, parent. I've been forcibly separating myself from my mom, teaching her that I'll be perfectly fine without her in all of my corners. This is yet ANOTHER thing I was extremely scared to do.

Seriously Thinking About How To Provide Solid Foundations For All Of My Projects: Almost, in a way, thinking about permanence? In terms of my future, specifically career. Thinking about especially the financial plan I have for my future business.

Seriously Thinking About Going To College: I've never been a very college-fond person. I've always despised school, however recently I've been thinking about what degree I want to MAYBE use in order to have a very solid career later in life, no matter if I'm employed under someone or I end up becoming the entrepreneur I dream of.

How Is This Accurate?

Saturn: - Restraint - Maturing - Lessons - Academics - Reality - Wisdom

12th House: - Endlessness - Dreams - Emotions - The Unconscious - The Creative Mind / Left Brain - Spirituality - Permanent Endings - Loss - Fear

The Constant Themes I Experienced So Far: - Breaking of ones fears. - Breaking free from restraint. - Truth seeking / Seeing extremely clearly. - Karma being served. - Maturing / Adulting. - Heightened intuition, more visions. - Clearer retrospect. - More healthy realistic thinking. - Learning how my energy alone can shift my reality. - More fearlessness in general, once I got the ball rolling.

My Conclusion:

When you put both of these together, the energies of the old collide with the concept of mature growth, aka the new. This Saturn in Pisces is extremely beneficial for anybody who is not resisting to Saturn's lessons!! And this is coming from a girlie who was born on their Venus line!! So yeah bitch, accept Saturn's movement!!! I've grown so much. In conclusion, this transit has affected me positively. The opportunities I was given were shown to me through my own efforts. I was shown what I can do, and more. I am STILL being shown what I can make, change, initiate for myself. Thank you, Saturn!!

[polyamorousduckie]

A Lot Has Changed

It's been 2 years since my last post, and I've been doing a lot of things to try and take care of myself.

B and I moved in with her partner and we all bought a house together. And made our living wills together. And our power of attorney together. And started a business together.

I got to do a play that was a bucket list item. It was... tumultuous, but we all made it through. So much went wrong with that show. Not the way I wanted to end my acting career (as far as I know it).

I ended up dating someone for a little while. It was... meh. She was someone who wanted to be chased, but didn't really want to do anything apart from go out to eat and come home and get laid. Granted, the sex was fun, but I started feeling uncomfortable when she told me she had a breeding kink. Children are for NO with me. And she wasn't willing to put in the same effort I was in the relationship, because she was more interested in vibes and smoking. The last time we spoke, she was complaining to me that she had to get on Tinder. You know, instead of talking to me. Whatever.

After that, I got really dark. The spiraling thoughts were taking me to bad places. I couldn't do right at work, I couldn't do right at home. I eventually got in to see a good therapist. She's been working with me through CBT and just recently EMDR therapy. I've been making really good strides.

I'm also in a cantata for Christmas. It feels good to sing again.

But I'm lonely. What else is new, right? This is different, though.

At this point, I'm not feeling a longing for anyone. I miss being around my friends, but there's no one I want to have as more than that. It hasn't been for a lack of trying. I've been trying to get together with some people to see if I have some kind of feeling for them, and there's just... nothing. I think it's because between work and our business, I don't feel like I have time for anything else. I have to do my part to keep the business going.

But something in me has just... turned off. It's different than before, where whenever I started having feelings for someone, I'd be self-destructive and come up with reasons why they wouldn't be interested in me. Now... I take a look at others and just have no interest, or no interest in trying to have an interest. Whenever I've tried, I come up with reasons why I SHOULDN'T even try. "This one has kids and needs to find themself again" or "this one needs to grow the fuck up and learn how to support themselves" or "I am NOT about to be someone's first/rebound/savior".

Maybe it's because I'm trying to take care of myself. Maybe it's a form of hypervigilance. Maybe because of where I live, I'm tired of saying I'm polyamorous and people being immediately afraid that I'm hitting on them. Maybe I'm just getting older and I'm tired of the chase.

But on the flip side, I've lost touch with so many people. I don't get to talk to that many people these days. My days are in the office where it's too quiet and hardly anyone talks to me unless they want me to do something, or I come home and spend a couple of hours with the family before everyone goes to their separate rooms and I'm all alone again. I don't go out much. I don't drink much anymore, so bars are more or less out now. When I do go see a show or go to the symphony, I either take B or I take my best friend. And sometimes, if they're not available, I end up going by myself. And hardly anyone watches my streams anymore, so it's hard to get the energy to be just another fat white bearded guy on the internet playing video games.

It is what it is, I guess.

[sasquapossum]

Software can be a harsh business, and no segment more so than games. Anybody who goes into it should expect to encounter mostly negative sentiment. It has long been known as a rule on the internet that people are more likely to express disagreement or condemnation than agreement or approval. Right here on tumblr dot com, I've gotten so tired of the scolds and pedants (cops at heart even though they say ACAB) that I've considered leaving more than once. In four decades online I've never found a venue where the rule doesn't hold ... but I digress. Back to games. Let's look at some recent examples of how I've written about the games I've played.

I've been kind of hard on Baldur's Gate 3. On the other hand, that's against a background of most people positively frothing with praise for it. It's sitting on a 96 score at Metacritic, in a three-way tie for best of the year, with an 8.9 user score. I'm seriously not worried about anyone's ego being bruised. Au contraire.

I've criticized many things about Diablo 4, but also stood up for them more than once when I felt criticism was unjustified. They don't deserve an 8.9 user rating for sure, but nor do they deserve the 2.1 that they actually have.

I've generally praised Deathloop, even though most people's reaction (6.5 on MC) has been lukewarm at best. "Arkane's weakest game" is a common refrain that I don't think is deserved. Take a look at the reviews for Redfall (which I haven't played) to refute that. BTW, "this was so bad it hurt my opinion of 3 different companies" might be unkind but it did make me laugh anyway.

Game developers, designers, and product managers need this kind of feedback. They need to know not only that people like or dislike a game, but how much - which we convey via the strength of our language. They also need to know which parts people like or dislike. That's how they make the next one better. The one thing I will never do is just say "this game rocks" or "this game sucks" without any elaboration. That is truly unhelpful, whichever way the sentiment runs.

Part of the reason I can say this with such confidence is that I've also been on the receiving end. I was in the industry for over 30 years, covering a dozen companies and even more products. Every single one was attacked from one direction or another. Near the end of my career I was a maintainer for a semi-well-known project. I was one of several, but my particular role within that group included being its public face. I gave the most public presentations. I engaged the most (by far!) on social media. I often had to deal with criticism that was harsh and untrue and very public. Sometimes it even came from people who were my "stablemates" on a related project in the same company - people who I had considered friends, who should have known better, whose own work had its own flaws which I had avoided discussing publicly out of professional courtesy. Nothing I could say about a game, as an outsider, will ever compare to those stabs in my back.

As I said, it's a brutal business. I learned to develop a thick skin, to ignore the hyperbole and try to engage with some of the other criticism in good faith even when I didn't believe it had been meant that way. The products I worked on got better because of that. If any game developer or designer can't handle the kind of criticism I've given, I suggest that they are in the wrong business and/or the wrong role.

[rainepuddles]

I remember when I was younger, I was absolutely convinced I would become a superhero when I was older. I distinctly recall being 7 and me and my cousin had a balloon, I wanted to make a wish with it.

We went outside to set it free, and before I set it go I whispered to the balloon

“I wish to be a superhero” and then let it go, hoping it would come true.

My cousin looked to me confused, but I think I told her it wouldn’t come true if I shared it.

After I stopped believing in magic and superhero’s, I moved onto idols. Internet celebrities, who built their careers on sharing their stories and interests. I laughed and learned more about people like me. More about who I was, who I wanted to be.

I always got told I shouldn’t reach for a goal like that, I never understood back then. I thought it was easy. But it was my dream.

Now I understand where those people were coming from. Some of them had first hand experience with the real world, their dreams crushed by hardships amounting to nothing. Warning me that if I tried too hard, I’d fall so hard I’d never get back up.

Others just thought I was just having unrealistic dreams, and brushed them off.

For a long time, I thought they were just being pessimistic.

But now I know.

the higher ups, the corporate world’s, the control, the destruction of creativity, the murder of people.

And now, I’m in place where I feel like everyone else is oblivious.

All the strangers here in the place go on about their lives, happily. While I’m over here staring at the red strings attached to my hands and wings, and the white strings attached to everybody else’s.

Do they not see it too? Why is everyone so happy.

I stare at the state of this place in horror, as headlines pass my face like a whirlpool of colour’s, feeling more outcasted than ever. And yet, I can’t even think of feeling outraged. I feel numb, sad but at most…. I feel…

Determined

Despite everything, knowing that the whole world is against me makes the fire in my soul grow stronger. I want to fight harder now. All the love inside me refuses to die.

Now that I think about it, I’ve always known I wanted to share myself. Even when I thought I was a superhero, I wanted it because something in me told me that I was just… supposed to be something bigger. Even when I was so young.

Even though I still look up to those online personalities as inspiration and a dream, I’ve been using stories to help me as of recent.

Characters with similar issues as me, practically holding my hand and pointing me towards a path of infinite possibilities. Sharing similar pains of loss, control, betrayal, loneliness. Characters who comfort me in my saddest hours, who I know would tell me that I have the willpower of a warrior and I’m something special to share. Stories about forging a different path then one designed for them, or healing from insufferable pains.

These people have followed me everyday, telling me that I’m not alone.

That add fuel to my beautiful, warm fire.

And that is the long story for the dream that has stayed for over a decade. It was hard to realise the importance of it all until now, but I don’t think I can look back. I doubt it’s unimportant, I doubt it’s impossible.

And I doubt it’ll die anytime soon.

I remember back when I was younger I was obsessed with yo Kai watch. After I finished watching the series, I watched the music at the end credits and immediately went to my backyard and sung the song into my bushes. I thought if I did it loud enough, a yo Kai would pop out of the bushes XD

I did it over, and over, and over. Nothing happened.

[veliseraptor]

hi Lise. I really like your writing & blog- I don't have a tumblr, but I like to check in with a few blogs related to my interests. lately though, I've found tumblr’s moral purity/callout culture & discourse exhausting. I feel like it's affecting how I think about everything, making me paranoid to trust/like/learn from people & media and scared of becoming misinformed if I step away. do you have thoughts on how to handle this? asking bc you’ve survived tumblr for years & seem like a kind person.

I don’t know that I’d call myself a “kind person” but I at the very least try to act like it.

Oh man, I don’t know that I have a great answer for this. What I’ve done is a combination of aggressive curation - I basically never go in tags, I’m very careful about who I follow and who I talk to, I overall try to steer clear of discourse posts or discourse in general and try to keep my bitching to a minimum and well tagged so that people can avoid it. I make liberal use of the block button. 

Then the other prong is that I just shut it out. Which is, I think, an acquired skill! I feel like I’ve gotten better at it, over time - better at filtering, better at recognizing bullshit, and better at knowing to pay attention to the people I trust and my own research over noise from strangers. It’s been about...I think a lot of it has to do sometimes with...you know how you learn to recognize conservative dogwhistles? I feel like I’ve learned to recognize fandom dogwhistles too, and therefore know when to tune things out. 

Re: the information thing - people yelling at you on the internet is not actually a good learning environment. It’s much more productive to, if you’re worried about being misinformed, do your own reading and your own research, and, again, parsing signal from noise. 

And some of it is just...giving yourself a little bit of trust/benefit of the doubt. Recognizing that we are all fuckups who fuck up sometimes, and that most of the time it isn’t malicious, and more important than not fucking up is how you react to fucking up. Life is a process of learning and growing eternally, etc. etc. and so on. You can’t anticipate everything. You can’t know everything. No one is born woke and no one is woke all the time.

The last thing, and I’m afraid this really just may be something that comes with time because it’s something that continues to come with time, for me, is learning to give fewer fucks about loud and angry strangers on the internet. Sometimes you just have to look at someone telling you that you’re a genocide apologist because of your fictional character preferences and go “yeah, okay, but I know that’s not true and I think you do too, deep down, and I’m done with this conversation.” Let it go.

But yeah, I think a lot of my strategy really does just boil down to finding ways to filter it out altogether. Curating my follow list and becoming more aggressive with the block button were two of the best choices I ever made about my Tumblr experience.

[here2bbtstrash]

birthday drabble 11 - jjk

@ryujinsfemaledog asked: 18 + 25 + jk 🤭🤭

pairing: jungkook x reader contains: smut!! camboy!JK & camgirl!reader, they're ~just friends~ (who fuck) tho, JK has fangirls lol, chat-controlled vibrator, multiple orgasms, minor overstim, the smallest bit of dirty talk, condomless sex, DVP with a sex toy, crying after sex summary: your camming partner thinks he can handle your new toy.

want more? check out all my birthday drabbles here! requests for these are now closed 💜

Your comments have been a fucking disaster since you started camming with Jeon Jungkook.

There are your long-term viewers, mostly creepy straight dudes, who are pissed that you don’t solo stream as much as you used to. Those are easy enough to ignore, and the block button is your friend for the ones who stray a little too far into straight-up delusional territory.

There are your favorite group of viewers: the ones who are either some flavor of queer or just indiscriminately horny, and beg you both to fuck them, often with extremely creative suggestions. They regularly get into bidding wars (encouraged by you, naturally) to come up with the freakiest scenarios possible, trying to see who can get Jungkook to blush so hard his ears turn red.

And then there are the new viewers, who are specifically there for Jungkook, and love to demand that he leave you because they could treat him soooo much better. His “bunnies”, he’s affectionately labeled them. You have to roll your eyes and make a gagging face off screen when he says it. Who does he think he is, Hugh Hefner?

Yeah, your comments are a mess. Your bank account’s doing pretty good though.

You aren’t actually dating Jungkook, but you don’t need the people of the internet up in your business like that, so you let them think what they want. He’s been a good friend to you for a long time, and when you started casually hooking up, you learned he was great in bed– great enough that you felt a little sorry keeping it all to yourself.

So one night, after enough liquid courage, you admitted to him what you actually do for a living. As a long-term sex worker, you’ve heard just about every reaction under the sun to your career: you’re going to hell, that must be so sexy, oh I could never do that… but of course I support you. Blah blah blah.

Jungkook is the only person who’s ever surprised you with his answer: he leaned in, puppy-dog eyes wide, and whispered: “I’ve always wanted to do that."

That was when you knew you’d have fun with him. Though fun doesn’t quite seem like a strong enough word to describe it as the remote control vibrator shoved up inside of you works two back-to-back orgasms out of you– your second and third of the stream.

You’re spread out on the bed, propped up on your elbows so you can still read the chat, and everything from your neck down is shaking from the effort of staying upright despite the sheer pleasure rolling through you. You throw your head back as you cry out, doing your best to keep your legs wide for the camera as your pussy pulses again and again and again.

“Fuck, baby, was that another one?” Jungkook gently caresses a hand over your thigh as you writhe underneath his touch. He loves to play up the couple-y shit on stream, and you get it; his demographic eats it up. You could do without the pet names, but it’s not a big deal. He’s sweet, and really good at checking in with you.

It’s just a little hard to respond when you’re losing your shit. “Y-y-yeah,” you manage to gasp out, chest heaving with effort. “Two… oh fuck, t-two in a r-row.”

“Do you need a break?” His hand creeps closer to your core, ready and willing to remove the toy at your command. You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head as your walls continue to flutter.

“No, no, no.” You say emphatically, doing your best to jiggle your tits to punctuate the words. When your eyes blink open, Jungkook shoots you a small knowing smile, his face turned away from the camera so that only you can see it. What can you say? You like to put on a show. “I need more.”

“I’m sure they can give you more.” You can barely think, let alone read, so he leans forward to check the screen of your laptop. “Thank you so much for your donation… JKDumpThatBitch69.”

You quickly close your eyes again so your audience can’t see them roll back in annoyance. These fucking girls, man.

“I’ll think about it, bunny,” Jungkook says with a shy laugh, and you don’t even have to look at him to know he’s shooting the camera a playful wink. You slowly open your eyes as the vibrations trail off, and you run a hand down over your cunt and the toy tucked inside it, mostly to make sure it hasn’t fucking fallen off yet.

“You always know how to make me feel so good,” you whimper for the camera, chasing the phrase with an exaggerated hiss as you squeeze your pussy lips around the vibrator.

Jungkook has told you that you oversell it sometimes– he’s the only one who’s seen both sides of you, so maybe he’s right. But when you glance over at him, he’s clearly enjoying himself, as indicated by the outline of his erection now straining against his tight black briefs. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, and you can’t help yourself.

“Come here, baby,” you stress the pet name on purpose, an inside joke between the two of you because he knows you lowkey hate them.

An anticipatory grin spreads over his face. Jungkook always looks so excited that he gets to fuck you, and you can’t deny– it’s quite the ego boost. You inhale sharply as a gentle round of vibrations rolls through you, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. Tilting up to read the screen, you rock your hips against the bed with a soft groan of appreciation.

“Thank you,” you have to squint to make sure you’re reading the name right, “BothOfYouTopMe420. Hear that one, babe?”

Jungkook has stepped out of frame to slip off his briefs and is now squeezing a healthy amount of lube into the palm of his hand. Your eyes drop heavy-lidded to watch the way he spreads it over his cock, knowing good and well the camera can’t see him: this part of the show is only for you. His tip is already starting to leak precum, and you bite down on your bottom lip at the sight as the toy continues to rumble inside you.

“Yeah, I think you’d look pretty good in a strap,” he says, loud enough that the stream will pick it up, and you laugh a little, not expecting that comment out of him.

“Maybe we can try that next time,” you tease. “Now will you please come fuck me?”

Stepping back into the shot, Jungkook kneels down on the corner of the bed, gently grabbing your legs and shifting you to the perfect angle for the camera. You’ve run the numbers on this– your content performs substantially better when his ass is in the frame. The people want what they want.

The toy has stopped buzzing for now, and you know exactly what everyone is waiting for. You’re a little jealous of the view they all have, that they get to watch Jungkook’s muscles flex as he braces himself on the mattress on either side of you, but you lose that thought entirely as he starts to push his length into you.

Nope, you correct yourself, you actually don’t give a shit about the view. Getting fucked by him is way better. They have every right to be jealous.

It’s definitely a stretch to take both him and the toy, but the lube does its job, and the three orgasms have certainly also helped get you relaxed and pliable. There’s barely any pain, you want him so bad.

“Feels so good, baby,” he groans, and you have to bite back the urge to tell him to buckle the fuck up.

The tip jar dings, and you brace for impact, but some kind soul clearly decided to go easy on you and give Jungkook a chance to get used to the lowest setting. You’re grateful for it, especially because you can already feel his cock twitching inside you, pressed tight between your walls and the toy.

“Oh fuck,” he moans, his hips starting to roll. “Do you like it, baby?” Translation: Is this still okay? It doesn’t hurt?

He’s too good to you. You nod your answer, lifting up to find his lips with yours as he starts to properly thrust. The two of you don’t do a lot of kissing when the cameras are off, and you always forget how nice it is, his lips so soft and warm. It’s good for the stream, you tell yourself, but your heart squeezes in your chest all the same.

When you hear the tip jar ding again, you know you won’t get lucky twice. You pull away from Jungkook with a smile, your muscles tightening in anticipation. “Get ready, baby.”

He talked a big game all morning about how he’d be able to take it, how good his stamina is, so you can barely hold your laugh in at the way his eyes roll back in his head when the highest setting kicks on. That’s what he gets for underestimating the bunnies.

“Oh my god–” Jungkook gasps, “oh my god.”

The feeling is insane even for you, and you quickly lose your ability to focus on him. You drop back against the bed, your back arching and your still-sensitive pussy shuddering at the intensity; you know the way you pulse around him only makes it that much harder for Jungkook to hang on.

“Fucking shit, baby,” he cries, rutting desperately into you, animalistic. “Yeah, so good, so fucking good, agh–”

The way he grinds against the toy pressed firmly into your g-spot is more than you can take, and you can only moan as you feel yet another wave of pleasure crest inside you.

“I’m coming, fuck,” you breathe, “I’m coming.”

Jungkook’s pace increases, ruthless now, as your walls squeeze tight around him and the vibrator, pushing the intense buzz so far into your core it makes your fucking teeth chatter. He doesn’t have the breath to say anything, but you can feel his cock pulsing inside you as his release hits, too, ropes of warm cum spilling out of him to fill up your already overfull cunt.

“Fuuuuuuuuck,” Jungkook finally manages to groan hoarsely as his head drops onto your shoulder. You can't believe he came that fast. As smug as he can be about it, his stamina is typically impressive.

You tip your head up when you feel something wet drip down your collarbone, wondering if he lost it so bad that he’s drooling on you. With one hand, you gingerly lift his chin up to look at you, only to realize a few tears are streaming down his face.

“Oh my god, Jungkook,” you say, momentarily forgetting your pet names. “Are you okay?”

He smiles shyly, clearly embarrassed, balancing on one arm so he can wipe his face with the other. “That was just really fucking intense. Fuck.” He turns to look at the camera, and you hide a giggle behind him because you know his fangirls are going to love this shit.

Jungkook drops his voice into the low end of his register, so fucking ridiculous that you have to bite down on his shoulder to keep yourself quiet. “I’ve never cried during sex before, but I guess there’s a first for everything.”

Once you've swallowed your laughter down, you release his shoulder to seek lazy kisses from him, smiling against his mouth, until you’re both a little more recovered. When he slips out of you, ducking out of frame once more to pull his briefs back on, you recenter yourself on the bed. Your walls continue to flutter tenderly as you move with the toy still inside you.

“Look at that pussy, so fucking messy,” Jungkook groans softly as you spread yourself wide for the camera again, his cum glistening as it leaks out of you onto the sheets. “How many rounds was that? Four?”

You trail a finger through your folds and bring it to your mouth, nodding at his question as you taste him on your tongue.

“God,” he laughs, “we’re about to break our own record. Think you can go for five, baby?”

Leaning back on your hands, you quirk an eyebrow at him, at the fact that he even has to ask. You’re a goddamn professional.

“Bring it on.”

[positivelyholland]

The Unique Timeline of Fate

ʙʏ ᴘᴏsɪᴛɪᴠᴇʟʏ ʜᴏʟʟᴀɴᴅ

•SNEAK PEAK•

summary: The letter sending you back to Top Gun was a life changing one... and although you didn't know it at the time, the second you accepted to be apart of a mission that you could very well not return home from, you also made it possible for the fate you hoped for as a child to become a reality...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ms Y/L/N,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for a special attachment designed only for the elite. So it be you accept this invitation, please note the following. 

Training will begin 05/12/2021, and will take place in hanger 3B in the Top Gun Base in California....

The letter kept going to explain the details of the mission further, but you stopped reading. Overwhelmed was an understatement to put what you were feeling simply. You sat back further into the chair you were currently sprawled across and took a long moment to simply just process the information you had just received...

You were going back to Top Gun.

You see, life growing up was very hard for young y/n. Kids would constantly tease her that she didn't have a Dad, even though her whole entire class in the second grade did. 

As you got older, you realized most kids you met that didn't have a present father in their lives had no clue who their absent parent was, but that wasn't the case for you. 

Your mother believed that you had the right to know who your father was, and so she told you as much about him as she could, and once you learned his name you were doing all the Google searching possible in an instant. 

Here's what the internet knew about him.

Pete Mitchell

Callsign "Maverick" 

Top Gun Graduate 1984

There was a lot more including all the awards he had won throughout his lifetime in the Navy, but that was all that mattered to you. 

It was then that 13 year old y/n made the decision that she'd join the Navy as soon as she had the chance to. Back then, you'd thought that being in the same armed force as your father that you had never met would mean fate would push the two of you together and make you guys have an instant relationship. 

And even once you were old enough to realize that those chances were very slim, you still decided to go to the Naval Academy, despite your mothers best wishes. 

And here you are, 12 years into your career, having still never met your father in person. Although, you've heard more stories about him through the Navy than you could've ever hoped for. 

There was a point when you believed that meeting your father was not in the cards for your future, and that he was not a part of your life for a reason. 

But little did anyone except only the universe know, this father-daughter pair was about to go through hell and back together.

[nonbinarygerard]

this is a rant about AI generated art because I am enraged.

if you want to hear a professional artist speak on AI art more elegantly than me then I highly recommend Steven Zapata’s video. he said everything better than I ever could: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjSxFAGP9Ss&t=5s

the more i learn about AI art the more i literally believe in like 10 years or so we will somehow live in a worst capitalist dystopia where most artistic professional jobs don't exist. You pay a subscription fee to some AI company that just spits out art, movies, comics, novels etc whatever you want on mass, so fast, that art will be personalised to you as in you know how google and other companies track you everywhere on the internet well so will AI companies. they’ll know you more than you know yourself. their algorithms will be fine-tuned just to ur tastes. you won't even need to type in prompts, it will do it for you and show you hundreds, thousands, of art in your feed. You can scroll forever and the algorithm will just make more art. the AI will be so trained to keep ur retention, making ur session time longer and longer and you’ll lose more hours.

Like how many tiktoks do you actually remember? vs how many hours do you stay on the app? do you think the time you spend on tiktok is worthwhile? i use tiktok as an example bc that's only the start of how good AI algorithms can get. give them a few more years with more silicon valley companies competing to be the next big app and they’ll get smart and better in ways you can never imagine.

in the eyes of companies, humans make flaws and humans take too long to make art. it's ripe for automation. companies don't give a fuck about real art and human expression. they only care about profit, profit, profit. what all tech companies want is ur time, your attention, they want to fill all ur waking moments with their products. literally billions of dollars have already been put into AI and though some of the AI art right now might be cringe or just funny, it wont be at some point. In a few months, years, decades, who knows, it will a lot more indistinguishable from human art. that's going to be a problem. you're not going to be able to avoid it because you're not going to be able to what was made by a human and what was made by an AI.

you may think that humans will stop watching or consuming AI art that is bland and seems well AI generated but thats the thing, it will always evolve. In fact companies might just make up fake people to say it was made by and you will never know how much of it was made by humans and how much was made by AI algorithms. if you dont think at some point a bunch of big budget movies, video games, tv shows etc wont be written by AI when it's possible to create a script that doesn't seem like it's written by an AI then you’re crazy.

its going to be a lot harder to make living if you’re not one of the top artists because how the fuck do you compete again AI. you can’t and that’s the point.

its so fitting for evil capitalists that they would rather fund billions of dollars into AI that was designed to replace artists than ever pay artists fair wages.

i dont think people will stop creating art but i do think that a lot of professionals are going to find a hard time keeping their careers without serious changes. you really cant become a master of ur craft without being a professional artist, it just takes that long to gain the experience, knowledge and insight to walk in the footsteps of the masters before. thats what art is. hard work, dedication and discipline. its not something that only a divine few who have the gifts of the gods can do. anyone can become a master artist it just takes devoting ur life to pursue your craft and what a fucking insult it is for billionaires to just fund their extreme amount of money into some goddam shaddy af AI companies to replace professional artists' job, well thats their hope anyway.

this isnt the same like photography was to painting or digital was to traditional. its true that those technological innovations did destroy a lot of jobs but also created new artistic jobs, and they did have massive effects on the industry and i dont want to minimize the number of people who’s careers were destroyed bc of it. But those were massive changes in tools. They didn't actually replace the concept of artists themselves. AI is meant to do as much, if not all, of the artists work for them, so artists don't need to exist in a professional sense.

why would a games company hire concept artists if an AI can come up with hundreds of different concepts in a matter of seconds? maybe human artists might be better but when the AI is good enough a company won't give a shit.

I dont know when this change will happen or how it will occur and how people will react to it but mark my words these AI companies are going to try to make it happen while maintaining the face of just their just simply pushing human progress and this was somehow just a natural evolution of technology.

none of this was natural it was funded by billionaires.

this is not even to mention how these AI’s train on copyrighted artworks with no permission from the artists. and this process is not like how humans learning from other artists, AI’s dont think, they just copy, steal, combine artworks very fast and on mass scale in away no human could ever do. You cant compare how AI’s and how humans learn. there are not the same no matter how big shot programmers try to make them more similar, AI is a machine we could never do what it does. and it is stealing from artists every time it generates art.

I study programming and literally you dont even know the number of jobs there are in AI. its a field that's expanding every day. it's not just a few companies but every big tech company putting massive resources into it. for them, algorithms are the future of humanity.

I am not saying there isn't some actually usefulness in AI created images for example i think getting insane highly specific poses and references at the click of a button is extremely useful but that's just a by-product of what these AI companies want out of their product. they are meant to replace artists' jobs by the click of a button. that's their dream.

AI companies dont care about integrity or intention or the artistic cannon or mastering one’s craft. Companies don’t pour billions of dollars into a technology just for it to be used for meme culture or quirky images. Every time you type in a prompt you are training the AI, its how neural networks work, by releasing them for free to the public you are training the AI for them. and they will train faster than you ever thought. i cant even imagine what the AI images will look like this time next year and they will improve drastically. mark my words.

You are a fool if you dont think AI won’t have a massive and very dystopian effect on society. Capitalism is somehow killing art even more.

maybe you think I’m being dramatic and I hope I am wrong but there is no doubt that AI generated art will change commercial and professional art as we know it.

[nihilnovisubsole]

Thank you! That actually helps a lot. I'm the anon who sent you that question you about what your writing journey has been like. I just recently graduated from an M.A program in English and so I'm sorta in a slump and feeling dejected as I look for jobs, so I think it is more so professionally as I'm in an in-between moment in my life. I've been writing for a long while, my own snippets of original works as well as fanfics in my free time while I was earning my degree, though right now I do feel in a similar spot that you describe being in during your late teens. I'm scared of failure, the thought I might be wasting time, and that I'm not good enough. Writing is something I love and hunger for in a professional scope, but my worries are also getting in my way and make me feel as if I am at a standstill or making no progress. Though I know I just have to start and go and that writing something is better than not doing anything at all. So I just need to get out of that funk I'm in now.

And if it's no trouble, I would love to hear about your job-hunting. I think it would be very useful to hear.

well, it sounds like you're already most of the way there. you're right. we do just have to start. the only way out is through. i find transitional phases in life are, in general, hard, and it's difficult to set off when you don't know where you're going. i think it's why i've thrown myself at so many over-scoped, half-cocked, abandoned story ideas in the past three years. pandemic time is altered, and you have to put that energy somewhere, even if you later find out the project isn't going to work.

so, job-hunting. full disclosure, i can only speak to game writing, because that's what i've been working in since 2017. game writing - or narrative design - is odd. full-time, salaried NDs are a small group, and big studio openings are very rare. i also take rejection hard, which made things interesting, because applying to jobs is like baseball: 90% failure. you have to have a thick skin to make it in a creative industry. i do not! i've just developed coping mechanisms for it. there's nothing like vacuuming the whole house when you're upset. you know that scandinavian guy who said, "i chop wood until i'm too tired to care?" he gets it.

[although, it's funny, since you brought it up: the "academia to gamedev" pipeline is more common than you might think. i work with a former professor, and i have another pal with a Ph.D. my theory is that all the research trained their brains to crunch systems.]

sometime in 2019, i became unsatisfied with the mobile romance job. it happens. time to go somewhere else. i learned fast that i couldn't go on indeed and search "narrative design." most openings came through word of mouth, and some weren't public at all. in short, if i were to hear about a writing job posting, i'd hear about it through the grapevine, and that meant networking. being active on twitter became non-negotiable. i had to meet other game writers and see what they were up to. there's an inherent tension there, because you're looking for a job, but you have to genuinely want to share your work and learn about theirs. i mean, we should always be genuine, but people can tell when you're only out to get something from them. [not that you would! it still bears bringing up.]

if this sounds excruciating, remember, despite the permanence of the internet, people don't get hung up on awkward encounters like we think they do. i was so annoying that first year, faking it 'til i made it, like a 21-year-old who insists she's mature enough for her parents' martini lunch. in time, i met people who were closer to my pay grade. i did a couple of game jams. i settled in. it felt good.

but i still wanted a job! so i timidly applied to a few studios. it took me three months to land an interview. i bombed it. it was humiliating. the thing about being early-career is that every app feels life-or-death, like every interview will be your last chance to prove yourself. "if you screw this one up, nothing will ever come around again!" and it often didn't, for months at a time. but i was stubborn. i kept at it.

still, after a year of that, i grew so burned-out and desperate that i had to swallow my ego and ask people for help. a friend of mine hooked me up with another indie contract. i got job coaching, which prescribed some hard-to-swallow pills. mainly, i needed more experience. mobile games could be a tough sell to AAA studios, and dangerous crowns would never substitute for game work. i can't lie, that frustrated me. i had to go through a grieving process. when i emerged, i gained a level of emotional detachment about it. when you realize you have homework, it doesn't matter how you feel. your assignment is to do a good job and meet your intended goal. i made contrition. i joined a portfolio-building workshop. i began planning dressed to kill. if that was what it took, that's what i had to do.

that's when, mysteriously, things shifted. i got more interviews. in summer of '21, i applied to obsidian for the first time. i said, "what the hell, college-me would kill me if she heard i didn't apply to The New Vegas People." i got rejected, but learned i'd made it to the final round. that was different. that was intoxicating. they liked me. i'd almost made it. they encouraged me to apply again, something i once found unthinkable. but, hey, i'd gotten close, right? so i took the company of heroes contract, which ended up being great. and in winter, when obsidian posted another job, i applied again.

there were other things. participating in the VOW writers' strike put my friends and i in game news. that was a pleasant, intimidating surprise. if nothing else, i learned that, like love trouncing your fear of failure, your desire to push through has to be stronger than your shame. trust me, i know. i'm ashamed of everything. but when it really counts, i think your instinct will tell you that it's worth sticking with it.