#it's because I am bitter

[royalarchivist]

Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said–  I was giving them an analogy. 

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. 

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering  and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m– 

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

[egophiliac]

I DID IT I GOT MY PINK HAYATE now I am never doing that again!

(at least until they give me, like, a frilly unicorn Kamui or something)

[paperglader]

they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr

[cryingpariah]

Kinda really hate it when people compare Dragon and Yassop in terms of deadbeat dad-ness cause like ?? They’re so completely different??

Dragon left his child, not because he wanted to, but because he had to. He was waging war against the world essentially and didn’t want to brand his son a criminal right along side him. So instead he left his baby in the care of his father, someone with the power and status to protect Luffy if and when his parentage comes out. He makes the effort to personally show up in Loguetown to protect Luffy and encourage him on his path. He continually faces east because it’s the closet he can get to watching over him.

This is a father doing everything in his power to protect his son, even if it means never seeing him.

In contrast, Yassop left his sick wife and young son to go chase his dreams of piracy and just..never came back. He did come back to the East Blue admittedly but only to drink in bars with his crew mates and tell other little kids how awesome the son he barely knows is. When given the chance to actually meet that son, he clams up and begs his captain to not touch anchor on Wano, claiming he’s ‘not ready to face Usopp yet.’

This is a man too cowardly to face the consequences of his actions and face his family aka a deadbeat.

In conclusion, Dragon is beating the deadbeat dad allegations meanwhile the deadbeat allegations are bearing Yassop's ass.

[wishfulsketching]

It feels like 2021 again!

[gameringgungke]

edit 2: leak is FAKE everyone, go home

so of course i'm keeping up with the pokemon leaks and

I KNEW IT

I FUCKING KNEW IT

I SAID THE KANTO FAVORITISM STARTED BECAUSE OF BW'S BACKLASH AND WAS GOING TO MAJORLY STAGNANTETHE SERIES FOR YEARS AND NOBODY BELIEVED ME

update 113 notes later: might be fake, idk

[fisheito]

before mirage of scales: I NEED YAKUYA EVENT

after mirage of scales: ah. um. i . i don't need yakuya event so much, anymo.re... hah..a...

[save-the-villainous-cat]

could you write something with the hero and villain fake dating? (you totallt dont have to if you dont want to or something I just wanted to ask cus I loveee the trope!)

"Kiss me," the villain said.

"No fucking way." A horrible blush started to spread over the hero's neck. The worst thing about this was that this had been their idea in the first place.

They were ashamed to admit it but when they had arrested the villain a few months ago, they had suggested to the judge a different kind of punishment. At the time, there wasn't much evidence of the villain's criminal activities, so the hero had thought it to be more practical if the villain had to work together with other heroes. As a kind of community service.

After all, the villain was smart when it came to these schemes.

However, for whatever reason, they had been paired together. The hero didn't quite know what to do with themselves now. Ever since the mission had started, their brain wasn't functioning at all. It was quite self-explanatory. The villain was incredibly attractive and they were joking around, seizing every opportunity to flirt with the hero.

The hero suspected it to be some scheme to throw them off their game. But they couldn't be sure.

"These guys over there have been eyeing us the entire evening. If you ask me, they're not buying our little act." The villain let their fingertips ghost over the hero's knuckles and the hero's heart started to throb. The hero didn't turn around to look at the suspicious people the villain had been talking about. Their mind was somewhere else entirely.

On this after show party, they were supposed to observe highly influential people for suspicious activity. An election was coming up and although the hero loathed politics, it was obviously the right thing to do. They weren't supposed to be the ones being observed.

Usually, the hero wasn't very fond of undercover work. They were a horrible liar and improvisation wasn't their strong suit either. For the last few days, the villain had saved them more than once from embarrassing slip-ups. It was quite pathetic.

"And you have been flirted with already," the villain said. Somehow, their voice sounded bitter.

"They were just being nice," the hero said. They shifted on their chair. If someone was indeed observing them, maybe kissing the villain was the right thing to do. God, the hero didn't have much experience and they feared they would make a fool out of themsleves once again.

The villain probably had a new lover every week or so.

"They wanted to buy you a drink."

"Ehh," the hero said. "It doesn't really matter, does it?"

"It's compromising the mission."

"Is that person who wanted to buy me a drink one of those guys who have been 'eyeing' us the entire evening?" the hero asked. They leaned over and took the villain's hand. Whenever they looked into the villain's eyes, their stupid heart skipped a beat but they tried to come closer, to appear more in love.

It was quite strange for them to display physical intimacy in public. They had never really considered themselves to be fit for relationships - work got in the way every single time but the villain brought enough casualness into the (fake) relationship to somewhat ease the hero's nerves.

The villain didn't answer their question, though.

"All I am trying to say is: when someone wants to buy you a drink, we don't look like a couple," the villain said. Their eyes dropped to the hero's lips and the hero leaned over, holding onto the villain's hand.

"Well, you could have come with me to the bar," the hero said. They shrugged and took a sip of their drink with a shaky hand the villain observed a little too long.

"I will keep that in mind." The villain followed the little veins on the hero's wrist of the hand that was holding onto them. The hero was so nervous they weren't sure if they had to cry or laugh.

"Okay, be honest. Is someone watching?" the hero asked. They managed to scoot over towards the villain.

The villain's eyes were still on the hero, observed every little move. To say the villain could be relentless was an understatement.

"They have the audacity to check you out." The villain's voice was low, even though their mouth formed a sweet smile. The hero hadn’t even realised how tight their grip was around the villain's hands. "Probably some disgusting perv. I can’t blame them, though. You look incredible."

The villain leaned in, touched the hero's forearm gently and immediately, the hero’s heart sped up.

"You have to be very careful or I will actually fall in-"

And then, the hero kissed them.

For whatever reason, they kissed them. They put their flat hand on the villain's neck and pulled them close until their lips met. Later, the hero would blame their own nervousness but truthfully, they didn't know exactly why they did it.

The hero considered themselves inexperienced - rightfully so - and heard their own heartbeat in their ears as the villain smiled against their lips. The hero felt clumsy and stupid; they didn't know exactly what they were doing. So, it was even more embarrassing when the villain put a hand on their thigh, squeezed softly and responded with slow kisses, forcing the hero to adapt.

Although the hero was painfully aware of their own nervousness, they were also calming down slowly. The villain was guiding them through it perfectly and they hated themselves for being in need of it.

Eventually, the hero pulled away and found it to be quite hard to look into the villain's eyes.

"Impressive," the villain murmured. Their smirk wasn't leaving their face.

"Sorry, I- uh-"

"Don't apologise."

"Oh, yes, uh..." The villain leaned over once more until they could whisper into the hero's ear.

"You did so well, don't you know that?"

"Are - are they still watching us?"

"No, my love." The villain gave the hero a peck on their temple. "How do you feel?"

"Nervous," they admitted.

"You're not really a fan of being undercover, are you?" The villain took their hand and the hero squeezed it, trying somehow to stop their hands from shaking.

"It's my least favourite thing about this job," the hero said. They took in a deep breath and tried to gather their thoughts.

The villain could be so sweet - the reassurance and the gentleness were so foreign to the hero that it scared them. Most of the time, their job was focused on performance and results. There wasn't much space for emotions. They weren't used to someone praising them.

"Don't worry, you are amazing at this," the villain purred. "If it's too much for you, we can always leave."

"But the mission..."

"Well, if you want my honest opinion: I couldn't care less about it. I am just enjoying my time with you."

The hero had to chuckle.

"You are terrible."

"It's your call. I can take the blame if your boss gives you an earful."

"Really?"

"Really."

Once they were back in their hotel room, the hero dared to sleep in the bed with the villain next to them and awoke unsurprisingly in their arms in the morning.

[helimir]

Some top tier Caduceus quotes I've been thinking about in these Downfall times. Something about how so much of Ludinus' position seems to rest on revenge. Showing Bells Hells the squabbling of the gods as they debate what to do about Aeor, and asking 'You can just watch bad people get away with it?'

It doesn't matter if the gods were wrong for their choices. Killing them won't bring back Aeor and it won't stop the violence that Ludinus and the Ruby Vanguard have visited on the world. I just don't see what it's for.

[spiritisawake]

Two posts in a day?! Woah! (Why did I lowkey think of "Green leaves...on a summers day?" When typing that tf)

Uhm anyway have some Ash and Tay art because I love them they are my sillies (This was NOT supposed to be ship art lol but view it as that if u want lol I'ma multishipper so I'm good 👍)

Also here are the sketch and one without the lighting:

[ryllen]

Watch 'My Daemon',

it's about a very good boy & a very good dog,

told in in very good stories.

[egophiliac]

hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O

unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!

my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not

[soundwave-radioandbroadcast]

Please, le, FUCKING consider, a bitter Soundwave.

A Soundwave who put his entire spark into the Decepticon cause because he TRULY believed Megatron, with his ideas of a different cybertron, a Cybertron where everyone was an equal, there was no council or senate that dictated how someone acted, what their rank was, where they would work or do, that THEY could make a change and there was hope.

A Soundwave who stood besides Megatron because he was wide eyed and hopeful, because he didn't want to be a gladiator, a servant, a tool, a device, or whatnot for the elite. He wanted to be himself. A transformer who loved music, who saw minicons as his equal and saw the minicons he worked with as his family who he adopted or was adopted by. And so much more.

A Soundwave who was willing to do horrible things if Megatron's ideal Cybertron became a reality.

A Soundwave, that, as the years go by in the war, and the energon, dried and stained on hands, making it nearly impossible some days to see the old paint on them. The screams of prisoners of war echoing in his head, making him spend so many nights awake that he forgot what the hell a recharge cycle was.

A Soundwave who steps and weaves into the sudden new political game he was thrown into among the Decepticons, a Soundwave who keeps his mouth shut because he learned quickly that silence was loyalty and loyalty was gospel among the cons. A Soundwave who, while anxious, hides it well, because he is still grasping at the dream of a better Cybertron that Megatron promises and will die for him....

...A Soundwave who loses more and more minicons as the war goes on, A Soundwave, who when Ravage died, he had to choke back his pained cries as he cradled the dead minicon in his arms. A Soundwave who had to bury Frenzy and Rumble together because one perished in combat and the other was badly wounded he had to mercy kill him just to end his suffering. A Soundwave who grows more and more enrage, as a traitor, Starscream, is allowed to walk freely, ringing alarm bells in his head because this feels like old Cybertron, where the elite got away with bullshit and others suffered.

....A Soundwave that can't even stare at Megatron anymore because all he sees in the Senate, the council, the people who hurt him, the people used him. All he sees is that in Megatron.

...A Soundwave who snaps finally and walks away, grasping on to what he believe the Decepticon cause was originally but can't tell anymore because of how muddled has become due to Megatron's greed for power. A Soundwave who is tried of the war and how it refuses to end. A hellbent Soundwave who uses what he knows to trade for asylum, to trade for information, for safety and more.

A Soundwave who wants to watch everything burn because he is tried of this stupid war and just wants it to end, but is willing to go down swinging and bring everyone down with him.

A bitter Soundwave...

[intheholler]

i know tumblr didn't just,,

didn't just,,,, put this on my dash days after me complaining about people using appalachia as little more than a shallow, misappropriated aesthetic

like

lmao please say psych rn

yes, i get it, it's an ethel cain song. that still don't help nothin. she's from tallahassee like. pls

so what part of appalachia is nebraska in?? who knew this whole time appalachia, home to the appalachian mountains, was flat as a plank with nary a single hill to be spotted

new ARC map just dropped i guess. i threw in a lil bit of south dakota there too since we're just making shit up now. it has "south" in the name so it counts as southern gothic too right

point being: 'appalachia' is not synonymous with disrepair and decay.

we aren't a catch-all for decrepit buildings. we aren't the sole owners of poverty. put this energy toward fleshing out yalls own regional gothic (and midwest gothic is actually so cool, why wouldn't you want to???) and give it the same intrigue that appalachian gothic has garnered instead of furthering the idea that all we have to offer here is forsaken rot.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

stylefadel is soooooo boring, idk why ppl are so into them… i think is bcs is the first jd mature series, it’s their first time watching them being this bold. but since i’m really not into their stuff, i just find kind of boring their storyline, a little rushed maybe? style is already loving fadel out of nowhere … maybe i’m being biased, i just can’t live without my precious kantbison

Anon, you have the pleasure of bearing the brunt of my anger and rambling, messy thought process. I am going to use your ask to defend ALL FOUR BOYS. Ok, yes – I know 90% of the THK watchers right now loathe KB and prefers SF instead.

Firstly, I will politely disagree with your first comment that SF is boring. THK will not be the series it is WITHOUT KBSF. The relationships between these boys in the series are so intertwine that I really don’t think the series would have been as interesting if it only involves KB or SF alone.

StyleFadel:

We can at least agree that without Kant, Style’s interactions with Fadel will have ended when Style fixed Fadel’s jeep. So, Kant’s request for Style to distract Fadel was the catalyst that jump start his courtship (stalking). But here is where I will argue (because brainless worms out there blamed the current predicament of SF by the end of EP 6 to Kant alone) – Kant knows his bestie's nature. Style is bold, brash and fearless. Even after having his suspicion of Fadel’s true colour (Style was the first one who brought up to Kant that he thought Fadel is an assassin), Style remained doggedly determine to pursue Fadel. He likes the danger and thrill (and in some way, he is similar to Bison).

So, the interactions between SF organically grew from Style persistency and his inner desire to peel (both the clothes and thoughts) of our broody, handsome assassin.

In Ep 1-3, he wants to find out what makes Fadel tick. Style enjoys their cat and mouse games. Fadel, on the other hand is intrigue by this fearless, beautiful but irritating man who keeps hitting on him. As he learns more about Fadel, Style gradually likes what he knows about Fadel - the contrast between always-in-control Fadel but liking hard rock music, for example? That must be fascinating to Style.

And so, by ep 4, when he found out about Fadel's real occupation (and really, some viewers? – you blame Kant for finally telling Style?) – he is already in too deep. Fadel did offer Style a way out (during the sauna scene after they agreed to become BFs) – Fadel said along the lines that ���its ok if you want to stop now” because he can read the discomfort on Style’s face. But Style clung to him (and maybe it is out of loyalty to his friendship with Kant but I’m sure most of us here will agree that he continued with the ‘charade’ because he is attracted and likes him too).

As for Fadel, whose life has been dictated ever since he lost his parents, saddled with an adopted younger brother that he may or may not want (I have no doubt he loves Bison and really, it’s Bison+Fadel against a doggy doggy world out there). Nevertheless, he has a younger brother he basically raised and sheltered from Madam Lilly (and Keen). Before Style came crashing into his car, his life was monotonous, and his body language scream exhaustion and apathy. In fact, this is one of the many reasons WHY Bison came up with the condition to Kant that he needed to win Fadel over/get someone to date Fadel (and I will fight anyone who said this). It is because Bison can see the apathy/exhaustion in Fadel. He wants Fadel to have happiness. As much as Bison is somehow naïve, the last few episodes have shown us (or at least those WHO DID NOT SKIP KB parts – yes, I am still talking to the brainless worms out there) Bison is sharp, detailed orientated (when he wants to be) and observant. He just clocked it behind that sweet, guileless smile and innocent demure look (only Khaotung can pull this off. Again, I will fight anyone who said otherwise).

So, having a beautiful man paying attention to you must be somehow flattering (albeit with stalk-ish tendencies and crossing some boundaries – cause I still haven’t forgiven Style 100% for intruding in Fadel’s grieving group sessions). Plus, a reprieved from his colourless world.

JoongDunk has brought to life as Fadel & Style respectively. This is truly their best performance to date. I enjoyed them in Hidden Agenda although I thought the script was meh. Dunk, especially has truly grown as an actor - he was a bit stiff during Hidden Agenda. However, I was impressed with his performance as White (in Summer Nights) and his current performance as the ballsy, fearless and loyal Style. Similarly, Joong brought Fadel to life - quiet and dignified but weighed by unresolved grief.

However, I will say – I think one of the reasons why people may relate to SF more than KB is that their relationship trajectory follows a somehow classic trope – we have the meet cute (or disaster) in the form of the car accident. Followed by persistent pursuing (stalking) of a sunshine, happy-go-lucky lead against the tsundere, gruff (but with a soft, romantic heart) man. And once they are together, the soft, gooey centre of the gruff man is exposed (which never fails to melt our collective hearts) while Style patiently woos this man by giving him time and attention. Plus, when it is played by gorgeous looking men in the form of JoongDunk – well, the rest is history.

KantBison:

Now, contrast this with KB. In this, I will agree with you, KB is precious – personally, I find the development of their relationship fascinating because it is complicated. The beginning of KB's relationship is marred by deception and viewers are made to guess what is genuine and not with these 2.

I suspect most people who went it likely expects classic FK chemistry to come into play immediately. However, it is a testament to FK acting skills that we can read clearly when KB are “faking it” (or at least, people who watched KB scenes and don’t skip them).

Like episode 1 – when they were strangers who had a ONS. It’s pure lust and attraction. You can feel the palpable chemistry jumping out of screen. But by the end of the episode 1 (and followed by ep 2-3), viewers (OK, me) can see Kant was essentially faking his “love” for Bison. I have no doubt he was at least a little fond of Bison. And attracted physically to him. However, the mission takes precedence and the slip up by Kant is noticeable. First is a masterclass in speaking with his eyes (and face), and the slightest twitch of his muscles or narrowing of his eyes/raised eyebrows, and you can tell what he is trying to portray in that moment.

Basically, the whole episode 1-3 (apart from when he first noticed Bison at the bowling alley and red room scene), Kant comes off as sleazy (almost desperate) as he tries to hit on Bison (who definitely clocks on the desperation). We see this when Bison keeps putting Kant off and tests Kant’s determination to pursue him to the point Kant hastily pretends most of his enthusiasm about the BDSM thing.  I suspect people who don’t vibe with KantBison probably feels the “fakeness” but can’t pinpoint on it exactly. All they know is that the KB scenes feel uncomfortable when they were meant to be that way (and why most people like SF better because their scenes are just organically more wholesome and sweeter).

However, by episode 4-5 – the cracks are starting to show. Kant caressing the trophy he won with Bison and noticing the Northern Lights photos on Bison’s wall even as he frantically tries to find evidence while Bison slumbers on. But I think it truly dawned on him that Bison is more than just a “ruthless killer” (which I suspect is how Captain Christ painted it to Kant) when Bison without hesitation helped with the whole “Babe being bullied at school” scenario. Kant noticing Bison has a soft spot for children/animals and loves drawing give dimensional to this beautiful man who finally allows Kant in his heart.

**I am also going to point out that Bison himself is exhausted and depressed. He puts up a cheery front, but he is burnout/fatigue from all the killings. The comment (in Ep 6) when he said Kant was the reason he can wake up every morning and get through the day really shows how miserable he was previously. His life was meaningless and while he has an older brother he loves, Bison and Fadel are not exactly on the same wavelength in terms of communication.

Anyway, I am digressing. By ep 5-6, we see Kant alternating feeling blissful and guilty depending on whether it’s Bison in his mind or Captain Christ reminding him what is at stake (and to the brainless worms out there – IT’S BABE, you know, his younger brother who he has been parenting since he was a teenager barely out of high school). Like any good parents out there, he puts his child first (unless we have the classic K-drama trope where evil parents are in abundance). Time after time, he chooses Babe over his heart, desire and soul. We know Kant sacrificed his future because of Babe. He became a car thief to feed Babe. He agreed to work with the devil Captain Christ because of Babe, doing the police dirty works multiple times because of the threat he can lose Babe’s custody anytime he disobeys the police.

This is where I will argue, Kant is very similar to Fadel. Just like Fadel, Kant was never given a choice. Just like Fadel, he also has a younger brother he loves and want to protect. He must become a police informant if he wants to keep Babe. He must become selfish and use dirty tricks for Babe’s sake – choosing his survival so that Babe won’t be left alone to fend for himself. And Babe knows this – hence why he never told Kant in the first place about the bullying and why he pointed out to Kant that he will soon get a scholarship for his education so that he doesn’t have to rely on Kant’s tattooing money. And why Babe is so encouraging about his relationship with Bison because he can see Kant is happier when Bison is around. Style who knows Kant the best (as his closest friend) also clocks on this – he pointed out Bison has Kant wrapped around his fingers. Style himself asked whether Kant can truly give up on Bison (ep 6).

**Isn’t it fascinating that in any other given series, police informants and police officers are considered “good” while hitmen will be labelled immediately “bad”. But with THK, Kant is the evillest one (yes, I am still bitter with the brainless worms who throw shades to Kant) for becoming a police informant to keep Babe’s custody?

Again, I am digressing. By ep 6 – Kant has developed true feelings for Bison. He tried to get out of the deal with Captain Christ. Yet again, the devil brought up Babe. And as I have mentioned before, he cannot give up Babe.

The romantic date at the bowling alley was bittersweet – again, it is testament to FK as actors that you can feel the contrast of their feelings. A hopeful, new beginning from Bison’s part but a wistful (of what this relationship could have become) plus a farewell from Kant. I bet he feels even worse when he realises Bison threw away his mission to save Babe. The argument he gave Style to “move on” from Fadel is also a reminder for himself to do the same.

But what do we see him do next? – he accompanied Style the very next day to visit the burger joint and adopt Nong Kitty, Bison’s beloved black cat into his household. If Style shows up every day to the burger joint as a coping mechanism while he hopes for Fadel to show up, we see Kant pining away and drowning his sorrow by drinking in his friend’s bar. So, when that exact moment as Bison said his name in the bar – you could see a mixture of relieve, hope, wariness and tinged with guilt.

Having said all of these, I am absolutely wrecked by the end of Ep 6. I am devastated for all 4 boys – our 2 assassin brothers who feel betrayed (and again, I am going to point out to viewers out there who are angry at Bison for “assuming” Style is in a cahoots with Kant). Why shouldn’t Bison feel that way? – all he knows is Style is Kant’s best friend who Kant asked to seduce Fadel. Nobody in the right mind will think Style said yes because he wanted Kant’s car. Bison, out of everyone has the right to feel the sadness, rage and anger towards both Kant and (by default Style). He gave his heart to Kant, vouched for him in front of Fadel and only wanted to feel love/wanted. He must also feel somehow responsible because he indirectly brought Style into Fadel’s life.

But equally, I am devastated for Kant who (out of all 4) is trapped – he is damned either way. Captain Christ is still hot on his tails and now, Bison is out for revenge. Similarly, for Style, who is truly just happy to have Fadel back in his life while Fadel currently thinks the worst of him. And oh Fadel, my heart breaks when I see his quiet, resigned look like he expected Style to betray him.

So yeah, I am currently coping by thinking about these 2 pictures (from Joong's OST - Hurt Me Please MV) because these show our weary assassins being relax, safe and comforted in the arms of their lovers (and that's how I like my four boys to be, thank you very much)

[otaku553]

Thinking very hard about an AU idea of mine. Reluctant king Sabo AU!

In which Sabo isn’t saved by Dragon, but survives long enough to drift ashore and be saved by the doctors of Goa Kingdom, who do so only to ransom his medical bills from Sabo’s parents. Sabo’s parents take him back, thinking that his amnesia makes him a clean slate, but Sabo, young and stubborn and unsure of his entire identity, knows that everything is wrong and runs again, and again, and again.

Until at some point, he meets the Revolutionaries, and realizes that he can be useful to them, provide them information, make something good of an inescapable situation. From then on, he starts acting the noble that he was born as, in order to be a more useful informant to the Revolutionaries, until sunk cost fallacy hits and he believes that being a noble is the only way that he can be useful to the Revolutionaries. So at that point, why not take it all the way?

At 17, Sabo becomes one of Princess Sarie’s suitors, and at 17, he has doubts about using the princess for his own goals. Sarie is a romantic, and she wants a dramatic fairy tale of a romance, and she was already charmed, but the moment Sabo opens up to her about not wanting to use her to get to the throne, having lofty ambitions of helping the people (just not the people she thinks he’s talking about), Sabo becomes the one she simply must marry, because surely if she tries hard enough, she can make him love her back.

Soon after, the king and his son die. Sarie’s father and brother die. And while Sabo conveniently ascends to the throne, he also swiftly implicates his father, Outlook, in the assassination of all heirs to the throne, resulting in Outlook’s arrest and subsequent execution. And thus, at 18, Sabo becomes king, and begins to gradually institute great changes to Goa Kingdom.

Design-wise, Sabo wears an eyepatch because his damaged eye is considered a grotesque sight by nobles’ standards. Under the eyepatch, he wears heavy makeup to hide the burn scar. These are both at the behest of his birth parents, who spin a story about Sabo having been born half blind to hide the fact that Sabo had been shot by a Celestial Dragon and save face. To those who have seen his scar, they fabricate a second secret story that he was unfortunately kidnapped as a child. Sabo never does find out, until he regains his memories, where the burn scar is actually from.