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itadorey · 1 year ago

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𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞— gojo satoru

pairing: gojo satoru x reader summary: even after you leave the jujutsu world behind, gojo satoru finds himself unable to get over you. genre: fluff! some angst but happy ending, friends to lovers notes: inspired by the song "haunt me (x3)" by teen suicide, gojo is awful at realizing his own feelings and dealing with them wc: ~4.8k

the day that you leave tokyo jujutsu tech is a dull one.

gojo think this must've been months in the planning, especially considering the fact that you're standing with nothing but a backpack slung over your shoulder with the rest of your belongings nowhere to be seen.

(he later learns that they had already been moved to your new apartment, and nanami and shoko had helped you move out over the course of a month.)

he also discovers that he's the only one that hasn't been informed of your departure, especially since he seems to be the only one taken by surprise as you stand by the entrance and say your goodbyes. he wonders if it's his fault for taking so many missions after geto's defection, and he feels his stomach lurch uncomfortably when he realizes that he's been so distracted that he once again couldn't see something happening with one of his friends.

and now you're leaving.

"you have to promise to visit," shoko says, engulfing you in a tight hug. gojo feels his mouth run dry at the sight, and he can't help but feel panicked when you give shoko a soft grin.

"i'll certainly do my best," you respond, reaching over to tug on her hair. she sighs in return, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you gently as she stares you down.

"answer your phone, ok? you can't ignore my texts now that you're leaving."

a quiet laugh leaves your lips at her words, and you nod reassuringly before giving her a loud smooch on the cheek and moving down the line. gojo watches you closely as you say your goodbye to yaga, the older man turning away from you to brush a fake tear away from his eye. he presses a soft, floppy doll into your hands before you move away from him, and gojo can see the distinct shine in your eye that lets him know that you're holding tears at bay.

he looks down at the ground when he realizes that he's the only one left for you to say goodbye to, and he can't help the way he tenses up when he sees your shoes come to a stop in front of him. there's a moment of silence during which gojo can feel everyone's eyes on him, and he begrudgingly looks up at you and removes his sunglasses.

if this is the last time he's seeing you, he's going to make sure he remembers every little detail.

there's a sharp intake of breath as you steadily meet his gaze, and you find yourself rendered speechless at the sight of his eyes. gojo can hear shoko cough lightly, and he steels himself before giving you a forced smile.

"so you're leaving," he whispers, his eyes widening slightly when he realizes what he's just said. you seem to be caught off guard as well, eyebrows raising in surprise before giving him a nod. he takes a moment to breathe, aware of shoko's lingering gaze as the two of you face each other. "oh. i didn't know."

"yeah," you breathe, rubbing your arm as you look away from him. "i hadn't gotten the chance to tell you. it seems like you're always off on a mission these days."

"you could've texted," gojo attempts to say jokingly, wincing when his words fall flat. you laugh lightly at his words, recognizing the teasing undertone even if the delivery had been less than perfect. you always seem to understand gojo, regardless of whether or not he wants you to.

"we both know you never look at your phone," you tease back, giving him a pretty smile that he hasn't seen in a while. he chuckles breathlessly at your jab, and he nods his agreement before glancing at shoko.

"neither do you," he shoots back, the corners of his lips turning up into a small smile when you follow his line of sight. "you gotta get better at that. can't risk pissing shoko off."

the space between the two of you is filled with uncertain laughter at gojo's remark, and you take a moment to study gojo before taking a step forward and wrapping your arms around his neck. he stumbles back a step or two at your sudden action, tensing up when you tuck your face into the crook of his neck.

"i'll miss you," you whisper, your breath warm against his neck. he tries to ignore the goosebumps that rise up along the smooth expanse of his neck, too focused on wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to him when he feels you start to step away.

gojo knows that everyone else is watching the two of you, he can feel shoko's soft gaze and yaga's sad look as he does his best to ignore them and bury his face into your hair. there's an intense urge to ask you to stay building up inside of him, and he clamps his lips shut tightly in order to keep himself from blurting out his plea. the two of you remain in each other's arms before you finally take a deep breath and step away, giving gojo a watery smile.

"i'll miss you, satoru," you whisper, looking away and blinking back your tears. "i'll see you later, yeah?"

gojo nods dumbly as you finally walk away, giving everyone one last wave before slipping into the car that's been waiting for you this entire time. it isn't until he sees it disappear from view that gojo realizes that he didn't tell you that he would miss you too.

he wastes no time in slipping his sunglasses back over his eyes, clearing his throat quietly before turning and making his way back inside the building.

a week later, gojo hears that nanami has left jujutsu tech as well, and he can't help but wonder if he'll ever see either of you again.

gojo likes to think that he's matured, even though shoko might say otherwise because she's certain she's right. and also to piss him off.

but the truth is, he's no longer the same spunky, reckless teenager he was before everything went wrong in his life. he knows how to sort of work through his emotions now— in a way he thinks is healthy, he might add, but he can't help but find himself frozen in this very moment. there's a weird ache in his heart, one that he silently notes seems to be brought on by the flurry of emotions he's feeling in that very instant.

he wonders if they're visible on his face. they are.

gojo satoru is the most powerful jujutsu sorcerer in japan, maybe even in the world, and yet he feels like he's been reduced to almost nothing when a familiar face slides into the seat across from him.

five years is clearly not long enough to forget you, gojo realizes, physically wincing at the way his heart seems to race at the sight of you. his eyes meet yours, and he holds steady eye contact with you for a few seconds before ducking his head and quietly excusing himself from the table.

he takes a deep breath to attempt and soothe his rattled nerves as he takes a seat at the bar, squishing himself into the corner so that he's not visible from your table. he orders a soda from the bartender, ignoring the disbelieving look he gets in return before he ambles off to prepare the drink.

gojo has barely taken a sip of the soda before shoko is crashing into his side, settling onto the barstool next to him and digging her elbow into his side as she calls her order out to the bartender. neither of them speak until shoko gets her drink, and she immediately lifts it to her lips and takes a big sip that makes gojo shudder with disgust.

"surprise," shoko says dryly, glancing at gojo as he spares a look in your direction. he notices three extra people at the table, and he lets his shoulders drop in relief when he sees familiar heads of blond, white, and brunette.

"yeah, quite the surprise," gojo huffs, taking another sip of his soda. he stares at shoko until she turns to face him, a mildly displeased look on her face as she takes in his furrowed eyebrows. "i didn't know you still kept in contact with them."

"i didn't know you didn't still keep in contact with them," shoko shoots back, raising an eyebrow as she studies gojo's conflicted expression. she continues before he can gather his thoughts, earning a loud sigh as she speaks. "you kept in contact with nanami just fine. in fact, all he does is complain about how you never leave him alone."

gojo swallows harshly at shoko's words, and he thinks long and hard before deciding to remain silent for the time being. he can't find it in himself to admit that the thought of reaching out to you hurts him more than he cares to admit. you had left the jujutsu world, the one part of your life that included him, behind. even if he wanted to, gojo doesn't think he can find the words to express how he's feeling.

"switch seats with me when we get back to the table," gojo says suddenly, pausing to slurp up the rest of his drink. shoko glares at him when he sucks on nothing but air, the obnoxious sound causing her to reach over and flick him in the cheek. gojo grins widely when she hits nothing but air, his infinity protecting him from shoko's incredibly violent wrath.

"no," she says, getting off her barstool and picking up her drink. gojo realizes too late that she's heading back to the table, and he scrambles after her in an attempt to get there before her. his attempts are fruitless, and he finds himself awkwardly standing behind shoko's seat as she takes her place two chairs down from you.

gojo acts normal when everyone turns to glance at him, and he stiffly makes his way back to his own seat, avoiding your questioning gaze as he sits down. it takes a second for the table to break out into chatter again, and gojo doesn't hesitate before turning to the seat next to him and striking up a conversation with utahime. he notices mei mei grab your attention out of the corner of his eye, and he can't help but sigh in relief as he focuses on utahime once again, disregarding her annoyed look.

gojo is certain that ignoring you is much easier than dealing with whatever the hell is causing him to feel like he's dying inside.

the days that follow the dinner at the restaurant are unnervingly quiet, and gojo finds himself sitting on his couch and wondering if he should reach out to you.

there are no missions to take at the moment, and gojo is left with nothing to do but stare at his phone and wait for a message that never comes. megumi takes note of his sullen behavior, and although a part of him is curious about gojo's sudden attitude change, he doesn't think he actually cares enough to ask the white-haired sorcerer about what seems to be bothering him.

a few more days pass before gojo ultimately decides that reaching out to you would do more harm than good, especially with the way he completely ignored you at dinner. he's given no time to even think about changing his mind, and the very next day, he's being sent out on yet another mission.

he eventually falls into the same monotonous routine his life had prior to his run-in with you, and he wonders what would've changed if he had decided to take the chance and reach out the day after seeing you. there's a dull ache in his chest that seems to linger even after he makes his decision, and it only seems to get worse whenever shoko deigns to share updates about you with him.

the two of them know that gojo is more than grateful for her updates, even if he refuses to ask about you outright. he's certain that if he were to fully give into his curiosity that his heart would feel like it's giving out on him, and not even shoko's displeased looks are enough for him to get over himself and just ask you directly. he's even stopped pestering nanami, too afraid that he would give in and ask him questions about you.

it isn't until a long time passes (a year and a half; he's kept count) that gojo thinks he's finally getting over it— getting over you. his heart finally starts feeling lighter and breathing becomes a little bit easier and he can't help but think about how silly he was being, staying hung up for so long on somebody who probably never even thought twice about him.

they're small improvements but they're still improvements, and gojo reminds himself of that even as he walks down the busy streets of tokyo. he breathes out a sigh of relief as he slips into the local pharmacy, the cool air conditioning a welcome reprieve from the sticky heat outside.

he mumbles to himself as he moves through the aisles, scanning the shelves as he looks for children's allergy medication. the sudden weather changes had affected megumi and tsumiki in a way none of them had expected, and gojo was left alone to deal with their pitiful sniffles and soft complaints.

"allergy meds," he whispers, reaching out to grab a box only to put it back when it's not the one he's looking for. "there's so much cough syrup, where's the aller—"

"gojo?"

so maybe he hasn't improved, gojo thinks to himself as he freezes up at the sound of your voice. he holds his breath as you approach him, and he squeezes his eyes shut when he feels your sleeve brush against his.

six and a half years isn't enough to forget about you either, it seems.

"it's been a while, huh?" you ask, giving him a soft glance before looking at the shelves in front of you. there's a light hum that escapes your lips as you bend down to grab something before straightening up and holding out a box in your hand. "allergy meds, right?"

gojo nods silently as he takes the box from you, quickly scanning the text on it to make sure it was the right brand. there's an awkward silence as he thinks about what to say, and he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind when you turn your face away from him.

"it's not for me!"

a noise that gojo thinks might be a giggle leaves your lips at his proclamation, and he mentally kicks himself for starting up a conversation with you.

"it's for megumi, right?" you ask softly, unaware of the way gojo's eyes widen at your question. "that zenin kid you took in?"

when you notice gojo's shocked look, you hastily ass onto your statement. "shoko told me about him when i asked about you."

'shoko told me about him when i asked about you.'

gojo thinks he feels his head spin when he hears those words come out of your mind. he does his best to remain calm, reaching out a hand to lean against the shelf comfortably and wincing when he instead knocks down a row of the cough syrups he had been studying earlier.

"uh, fushiguro, actually," he mutters, doing his best to focus on straightening out the products he knocked down. "his dad took his wife's last name or something like that. but yeah, the medicine is for him and his sister."

he finds himself shuffling awkwardly as you look down at your watch, eyes widening slightly when you take note of the time. he watches as you turn to face the shelf behind you, quickly plucking some eye drops off the shelf before turning back to him.

"i have to go, i'm running late for a meeting," you say sheepishly, giving gojo a soft smile. he gives you a half-smile in return, accompanied by a lazy wave as he waits for you to leave. you stand in front of him for a second, hesitating slightly before leaning in and wrapping your arms around him in a quick hug. gojo tenses up in your embrace, his breath catching in his throat and hands freezing mid-air before he hesitantly places them on your back. you pull back slightly after a few seconds, looking up at gojo with a stare that makes his heart feel like it's about to beat out of his chest before you address him once more. "it was nice to see you. we should catch up sometime."

you're gone with a smile and a wave, quickly paying for your eye drops before darting out the door. gojo remains in his spot for five minutes after your departure, only moving when he sees the amused look the cashier seems to be giving him. he doesn't speak as he pays for the allergy medication, and he hastily makes his exit back into the stifling heat. he starts walking down the street as he tucks his change into his pocket, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when his fingers brush against a piece of paper that hadn't bee there before.

there's an annoyed grumble from a passerby when gojo suddenly stops in the middle of the street, his fingers clutching onto the paper that contains very familiar handwriting.

'can't wait to see you again! :)'

the line is followed by what he assumes to be your phone number, and gojo can't help but wonder when you had the chance to write the note. he begins moving down the street again, his steps sluggish as he hesitates near a trash can. before he can think any harder, he lets the paper flutter into wastebasket, only pausing for a brief second before moving away.

not seeing you over the past year and a half made his heart feel lighter, yet all it took was a five minute interaction with you to make his heart feel worse than it ever had before.

the world loves to play cruel jokes on him, gojo thinks.

the past two years have been a whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty, and he's had no time to stop and think about you while dealing with geto, sukuna, and the emergence of the cursed spirit that calls itself mahito.

if he really thinks about it, he's had no time to sit and rest. from geto's attack to yuuta's training to megumi's missions to yuuji's interesting choice that led to him eating sukuna's finger, he's had no time to sit and truly enjoy the little things life has to offer.

(not that he's ever had the time. the life of a special grade sorcerer is a busy one, but gojo can't deny that things weren't always as complicated as they have been the last couple of years.)

so when yaga tells him that nanami is returning to jujutsu tech, gojo thinks that it's the perfect time to let yuuji learn from someone other than him while he takes care of some unfinished business. what he doesn't expect however, is to see you standing next to nanami, a pretty smile on your face as you greet yaga with a hug.

ten years. ten years and somehow, you still manage to make gojo feel the same way he did way back then.

there's something wrong with him, he thinks, especially because it's starting to seem like he's cursed to always somehow coexist with those he cares about without ever fully being a part of their lives. there's no way he can turn around and pretend he never saw you, not with the way yaga is already yelling at him to go over and greet the returners.

gojo wonders why this happens every time he sees you. he doesn't know how to label what he feels whenever you pop up in his life, and it isn't until you give him a hesitant greeting— your tone shy and awkward after receiving nothing but radio silence from him— that gojo thinks he might finally know what it is he feels for you.

and when the thought of him being in love with you crosses his mind and makes him feel like he wants to die, all he can do is tamp down his swirling emotions with a goofy grin aimed at nanami.

"nanami! what a pleasure to see you here," gojo sings, immediately pulling the blond man into a reluctant hug. he gives you a polite nod in greeting, and he can't help the way his heart sinks when you nod in response and look away.

"likewise," nanami replies, his tone strained as he pulls away from gojo. he fixes his shirt as he steps over to you, and the two of you stand silently as you wait for yaga to speak.

"introduce them to yuuji," yaga says, turning around and heading back towards his office. "and don't cause trouble. i mean it, satoru."

gojo giggles at yaga's words before clapping his hands and motioning for the two of you to follow after him, leading you down a series of hallways before you come to a stop in front of an empty room.

"yuuji! there's someone i'd like you to meet!"

you're taken slightly aback when your eyes meet bright, brown ones, and you can't help but stare as a teenage boy with pink hair comes to a stop in front of you and nanami.

"this is nanami kento!" gojo all but yells, once again slinging his arm around nanami's shoulders and swaying him back and forth. the boy, yuuji, looks at nanami curiously, his eyes focused on the glasses perched on his nose. he has no time to speak before gojo is introducing you as well, his voice softer than it had been when introducing nanami. yuuji's eyes sparkle as they shift to you, and all of a sudden he's breaking out into a boyish smile that only serves to remind you just how young he really is.

"woah! i didn't think you were actually real!" he proclaims, earning a strained laugh from gojo. "when gojo mentioned you he said you were really p—"

the rest of his words are muffled, gojo's hands clamped tightly against his mouth as he pulls yuuji away from you. out of the corner of your eye, you can see nanami staring at you, and you only give him a shrug in return as gojo pats yuuji's head and lets him go.

"you'll be following them around on missions," gojo finally explains, pushing yuuji towards you and nanami. "they're both grade 1 sorcerers so don't worry, you'll be safe! now if you'll excuse me, i have to go."

gojo's out of the room before either of you can breathe out a goodbye, and you tense for a second before excusing yourself and following after him. he hasn't gotten terribly far, but his long legs give him the advantage of staying ahead of you even as you start jogging lightly in an attempt to catch up to him.

"gojo!" you call out, huffing lightly when he ignores you and turns a corner. "hey! gojo, wait! satoru!"

the sounds of his given name has his steps faltering, and he reluctantly turns around when he hears your footsteps getting closer and closer. there's a rigidity to his stance that you've never seen, his shoulders hunched in an almost defensive way as you finally come to a stop in front of him.

"yeah?" he asks, an uncomfortable grin settling on his lips as he looks anywhere but you. he's grateful for his blindfold in this very moment, the dark fabric preventing him from seeing you in your entirety and preventing you from seeing the way he can't seem to look at you for more than half a second.

"i—," you say, starting to speak and cutting yourself off before looking down at the ground. you sigh softly, shaking your head lightly as your shoulders slump. "never mind. forget about it."

you turn to walk back to the room, and gojo feels like he might actually keel over and die right then and there if he lets you walk away yet again.

"how have you been?"

gojo's question hangs in the air, and he can't help but flinch when you finally look at him again, your eyes swirling with hurt and sadness and other emotions that pass so quickly that gojo isn't sure he could figure out what they were even if he tried.

"you'd know if you hadn't thrown my phone number away," you retort quietly, crossing your arms as he approaches you. gojo breathes in sharply at your words but remains quiet, his throat going dry as he realizes that you had seen what he did that day. "why, gojo?"

gojo weighs his options, vacillating between telling you the truth or spewing a lie. the words seem to spill out of his mouth before he can even think about whether or not to say them, a trend he notices is extremely common whenever he's in your presence. "because you've ruined my life."

okay, so the truth it is.

your eyes widen in hurt when you take in his words, and it takes everything you have to not burst into tears on the spot. "oh, i see."

"wait," gojo says, scrambling to fix the situation that just keeps getting worse and worse with everything he says or does. "that's not what i meant."

"then what did you mean?" you ask sharply, your eyes narrowing slightly as you stare him down.

"what i mean is that i think i love you," he says in a rush, ignoring the way your eyes widen in surprise at his admission. he doesn't give you the chance to respond, too focused on saying everything that's been building up for the past decade before he gets cold feet. "you've ruined my life, you know? it's been ten years but it's damn near impossible to get over you. my heart still feels as heavy as it did the day you let, maybe even heavier, and i threw away your number because i didn't see any benefit in reaching out to you. why would i torture myself by keeping in contact with you when i belong to the world you wanted to leave behind?"

"i wanted to leave the jujutsu world behind," you interject softly, taking a hesitant step towards gojo before coming to a stop. "that doesn't mean i wanted to leave gojo satoru behind."

"oh," gojo breathes. he wonders if you can hear how loud his heart is beating in his chest, and he decides that maybe he doesn't care. "does that mean that—"

"i liked you?" you interrupt, nodding your head softly. "or like, i guess. i agree, ten years isn't enough to get over you."

"i was talking about you," gojo mumbles dumbly, earning a shrug in response from you. a loud crash sounds from the direction of the room you had left nanami in, and you give gojo a hesitant look before motioning in the direction of the noise.

"i should probably go and check that out," you say quietly, a smile twitching at the corners of your lips. "y'know, make sure that nanami is okay."

"um, yeah. yeah that sounds reasonable," gojo says, his mind still focused on your impromptu confession.

"i don't think this conversation is over yet," you continue, breathing out a laugh when gojo nods in agreement. he jumps slightly when you take his hand in yours, slipping a piece of paper into in before tugging him down to press a kiss to his cheek. "let me know when you're free, yeah? maybe we can get dinner or something and talk."

"are you asking me out on a date?" he asks cheekily, doing his best to compose himself.

"maybe i am," you say slyly, squeezing his hand once before letting go. you turn to walk down the hall, only pausing to look at him over your shoulder once before you turn the corner. "don't lose my number this time, okay?"

gojo chuckles at your words, nodding in agreement as he gives you a lazy salute. "i wouldn't dream of it."

it isn't until you're out of sight that gojo realizes his heart feels the lightest that it's ever felt in years, and he finds himself once again wondering when you had gotten the chance to write the note.

reblogs are appreciated <3 ty for reading !!

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multch · 3 months ago

Text

Thoughts.

Art the clown x reader [18+]

CW: actually smut \ afab masterbation

Your boss admires your dedication to staying back late to finish off repairing most nights. What he doesn't know is affiliation with the ‘Miles County Killer’.

Who knew sewing pays in a good view…

You whipped back as the bloody black and white suit whacked you in the face. If art was anything- it certainly wasn't subtle. The smell was revolting but what did you expect? Daisies? Of course he’d smell like a dead animal, he’s a murderer for Christ's sake! Still, you would've appreciated it if he at least let you set down the jacket you had to repair first- or had the decency to cover up a little instead of walking around the studio with everything out on display.

Tonight marks the 3rd year since you had first encountered this killer clown. You worked at a humble costume shop- Often very late to scramble enough of a paycheck to pay rent, utilities, whatever, ect.

On the strange night you two met, he had walked in- completely skipping past you- and searched for some sewing supplies. He went so far as to have even checked out the staff room you had accidentally left unlocked. Regardless, he eventually waddled up to your counter and dinged the bell on your desk several times. He had waved his hands around like a maniac trying to make sense until you realised he was gesturing towards the sewing needle in your hand. If he wasn’t so charming, maybe you would’ve called the police on him right then and there.

Maybe you should’ve...

Since then, you always patched up his ripped and tattered clown costume and he would repay you by helping out around the shop when you worked late. Repairing shelves, moving boxes and pestering you incessantly while doing so.

It was a shock when you had first discovered his more malicious side. The ”Miles county killer” plastered on every television screen for miles. You couldn’t tell what had scared you more; Art’s heinous acts or the simple fact that he seemed to spare you.

But why?

The question haunted you. Your moral compass never seemed too correct however you understood the evil that seemed to possess him was devilish. What you couldn’t understand was what a being so sinful could've thought about a seamstress that made him show not only mercy, but companionship…

Honk! Honk!

Art could’ve killed you with how well he’d scare you. They didn’t call him the ‘Terrifier’ for nothing you thought. You were just minding your business- lost in thought- until Art practically made you jump out of your skin from his infuriating infatuation with his stupid little hand horn.

He had crept right up behind you and placed himself close enough to feel the cold air escape his lungs. You didn’t know how you didn’t notice but his horn was practically touching your ear. The sound it let out was more than enough to make your eyes widen. It had startled you so much you fell backwards on your stool. Luckily for you though, Art was there to catch you.

His skin was smooth and frigid. His hands having responded by grasping your waist with his rough hands- You were accidentally pressed right up against his naked chest.

His touch felt electric. The contrast between your human heat and his icy exposure was a feeling like no other. He helped you back up onto your seat but by then it was too late. Fuck.

Seeing him naked was one thing but feeling his bare touch was another. Your minor interest in him had easily turned into obsession over the course of the last few years. A mysterious stranger showing up out of the blue. Saturated in blood. Torn up and often mutilated. How couldn't you be intrigued?

It felt like there was no one else in the world he treated like you.

You felt special.

Protected, even.

You tried your best to resume your repair but by the time you reached the hole by the gusset of his suit, you had lost it.

Maybe excusing yourself to “go to the bathroom” might’ve been a bit overkill but there was no way you wouldn’t melt in the heat that you felt just simply looking at him. His playful taunts. The way he bats his eyelashes at you. Even his disgusting black smile!

These ‘normal’ acts of his felt misconstrued into one big flirty mess.

Despite your efforts, you were clearly just too horny to stop. Every time you think about him in this moment, you couldn’t help but remember how he’s outside right now in nothing but a mask and his flimsy little top hat. In times like this, you couldn’t help but shake your fist in the air at Art’s infamous refusal to wear anything under his suit.

(You tried to convince him once by buying him a pair of boxers, but in retaliation he had ripped out the crotch and walked out- giving you the full view of his “pencil”)

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation talking but deciding to work one out sounded great right now.

You lent up against the red tile wall of the staff bathroom. It was cold. Perfect.

Slowly fondling yourself, your hands snake around your skin. One climbing up your stomach to slip under your bra. The other sneaking down the waistband of your shorts.

God, he made you so wet from just one touch. You slid in one finger first- wincing back at your contraction around so little. It made you only more hungry for what your eyes had feasted on so often yet you had never been given the chance to taste it yourself.

Seeing it made you understand why this clown always went commando because he really was hiding away a whole balloon animal. It was BIG.

Imagining it made your mouth feel empty..

You slip in another 2 fingers. Thrusting into yourself enough to make you press hard against the wall behind you. You were so cold but inside was a warmth you wanted him to feel so badly.

Your eyes squeezed down hard. You wanted to see him. His face. His body, as he thrusted into you.

You wanted him to trap you beneath his form with his inhuman strength.

To be scared he'd rip you in half if you ran away was a major turn on for you -the idea of becoming less than a victim of his by becoming a slave for his enjoyment.

Imagining it made your pussy throb, feeling empty despite your aggressive movement…

You tried to muffle your moans but the more you indulged in your fantasy, the more you struggled to show some self restraint.

A fourth finger, then a fifth.

Pounding harder and faster into your core, you thought back to all the toys you brought reimagining them as his girth.

Art was more than a friend to you. You ached for him nightly. You felt him in your core. You've dreamt of his touch and woken up in a hot, sticky sweat because of him.

You wanted to be honest with him but only Hell knows what he'd do to you if he didn't feel the same.

The possibilities made you salivate. Being his victim would be an indulgent death for sure..

You feel yourself very quickly feeling your release build as an air of tension fills the room. It's sickly sweet.

Rubbing your pretty little pussy until it's puffy and squirting when he's in the room outside was your tipping point.

You let out one final wince before your knees give out- causing you to crouch down on the frozen tile floor.

You can't help but imagine it's him holding you after a scene of absolute passion.

It's only been 10 minutes since you had excused yourself but once you had made your way back out, Art was nowhere to be seen.

You're embarrassed to say the least but you decide to push forward with your plans for tonight.

You turn around to close the bathroom door behind you only to find a familiar face greeting you instead.

There stood Art the clown, leaning up against the wall with a shit eating grin- All while still being fully naked.

Oh god no…

987 notes · View notes

milesmoralesluvs · 19 days ago

Text

Every breath you take (I'll be watching you) - Ekko x reader

(Ekko POV)

wc: 4k

ekko travels to another timeline. he experiences a glimpse of what could've been. maybe in another life.

warnings: angst

Ekko knew he was somewhere he was not supposed to be. He was in Zaun, but...he was not. This Zaun was something that looked like it came out a fairytale. It was not drowned in the chaos of the undercity. It was not darkened by the gloomy fog that existed ever since he came into this world, haunting him every day. He was not in Zaun. Of this, he was certain.

Because how else would you explain the sight in front of him? In front of his eyes stood six figures from his miserable past. Benzo, Vander, Mylo, Claggor, Powder and…you. But it wasn't possible. The former four were dead. Powder was no longer Powder, but Jinx and you..

You were his biggest mistake. His biggest regret. His biggest what if? He loathed you and loved you all the same. His enemy and his greatest love.

You looked wrong. God, you looked so right. You were smiling. He could see your pearly white teeth. He could see the crinkle of your eyes. He could hear the melodic tune of your laughter. You were happy and bright, not at all like the girl he knew, the one he fought tooth and nail to kill in his timeline. You were beautiful. You had always been but there was a special spark in your eyes now. The one he wanted to capture a picture of and etch it deep in his heart. The one he hoped would never leave you.

He snapped out of his daze once he noticed your eyes on him. Your eyes seemed awaiting. You had asked him something. He rubbed his neck a little sheepishly. “What were we talking about again?”

You chewed at the straw of the drink Vander had poured you. Ekko watched you.

"Your competition. It’s in two days.”

Ekko blinked, trying to hide his confusion. “R-right. The competition.” He cleared his throat, racking his brain for what possible ‘competition’ his other self couldve signed up for. He prayed you wouldn't ask for progress updates.

You blew air through the straw, watching it bubble at the drink. Ekko watched you.

“You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, trying to hide the tension in his voice. He had no idea what the competition was for. He’d have to play along till he finds out. “You coming to watch?” he asked, trying to hide his nervousness as he eyed you.

You plopped your head at the bar table and turned to face him with a cheeky grin. “Course. I’d be a shitty girlfriend if I didn’t.”

Ekko’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn't expected that—girlfriend. This other version of himself had everything. His friends, his home, you. He swallowed, shoving aside the mixture of feelings swirling in his chest. “You’re not shitty,” he mumbled. ‘You’re perfect.”

You smiled softly as you weakly punched him. ‘I was joking.”

He playfully winced at the hit, but a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I know, I know.”

Ekko reached out to grab your hand, idly running his thumb along the back of it. His eyes darted around, taking in everything about you– your smile, your every gesture, your laugh, your eyes. He hadn’t expected to feel so jealous of his doppelganger.

You noticed his dazed state and gently gripped his hands. “You alright babe?”

Ekko paused for a moment, the weight of the question hanging in the air. He wanted to tell you everything. He wanted to spill out his guts to you. He was in the wrong timeline. This was not his world. He was not your Ekko. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He settled for a forced smile. “Yeah. Just nervous about the competition, I guess,”

You pulled yourself up and grasped at the straw, delicately placed it in your mouth. Ekko watched you. “No way. You and Powder have been working on it for months. You’re gonna crush it,”

There. That feeling again–that pang of jealousy mixed with guilt at the mention of ‘Powder’ that spilled so casually from your lips. He had lost that chance to know her in his world. Here, she was a shining memory, not the monster he knew.

Ekko forced a nod, trying to hide the way his jaw tensed. ‘Yeah,” he muttered. ‘I know. I just..I don't want to disappoint you, y’know?”

You smiled at him softly. “You know you could never do that.”

Those words hit harder than he expected, a pang of longing in his chest. This other version of himself had everything he’d ever wanted, everything that had been stolen from him. He swallowed, fighting back the tightness in his throat.

“Yeah. I know.”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, letting the moment linger between them. For a brief moment, he let himself imagine what it would be like to stay in this timeline, to forget about everything else and just… be.

Ekko took a deep breath as you turned to continue conversation with Mylo, Claggor and Powder, finally allowing him to truly take in what's around him. Old memories flashed through his mind. Powder was smiling, blissfully innocent, like the timeline itself was protecting her from becoming Jinx. Mylo looked less brooding, and Claggor stood beside him with a smile.

It was strange, seeing them like this. They were so young, so carefree—the opposite of how he’d seen them last.

Vander handed out drinks, a fatherly smile on his face. It was odd, seeing him alive and well, like the past hadn’t chewed him up and spat him out. Benzo sat next to him, chuckling away at something. Ekko doesn't know how he doesn't burst into tears every time from the sight of him.

He was still waiting for somebody to slap him out of his daydream. They were all alive. Powder was innocent. You were at his side. This world… it was like a sick twist of fate, dangling everything he’d lost right in front of him, then snatching it away. It was a bittersweet reminder of all the friends and family he had lost in his own timeline.

He accepted the drink with a nod of thanks, taking a sip as he half-listened to the conversation around them. Ekko couldn’t help but observe how at ease everyone seemed. There was none of the tension or the edge that came from surviving on the streets of Zaun. They were safe. They were happy.

Ekko found himself getting lost in your laughter, the sound melodic and full of genuine joy. It made him ache. The more he saw of this life that wasn’t his, the more he wanted it.

Claggor nudged Ekko to snap him out of his daydream. “Oi. Quit that loverboy.”

Ekko snapped out of his dazed staring, a flush of embarrassment creeping onto his cheeks. He had been caught—staring at you like a lovesick puppy. Claggor’s comment made the others chuckle, including you, and Ekko couldn't help but admire how magical you looked at every moment.

“Shut up,” Ekko muttered, shoving Claggor lightly. “I can look at my girlfriend if I want to.”

You chuckled at Claggor and beamed at him and Ekko felt his heart skip a beat, the happiness in your smile hitting him like a punch to the gut. He smiled back, though his was tinged with a hint of melancholy.

Every moment he spent here, every smile and laugh from you, felt like a taunt. This world wasn’t meant for him. He was an intruder, someone who didn’t belong. Yet, he couldn’t help but wish he could stay in this world forever, surrounded by friends and with you in his life.

The night sky appeared, and Powder sneakily tweaked the the speaker to play some tunes that Vander deemed ‘not age appropriate’. As he tried to figure how to ‘turn that darned thing off’, Powder, with the knowledge he would not be able to do so, pulled Claggor and Mylo to the dance floor and moved with the music, laughing and giggling at the horrid moves Claggor was exhibiting and the pathetic attempt of flirting Mylo was once again torturing the poor waitress with.

He watched them, his mind a swirling mess of emotions. This world… it was everything he had ever wanted, yet so far out of reach.

He took a long swig of his drink, trying to drown out the ache in his chest. If he looked at you any longer, he was going to do something he knew he’d regret—something like stealing you away from this perfect world and bringing you into his messed-up one.

Soon after, you stood up and extended your hand towards him, bowing slightly, with a grin on your face, “Care to indulge me, my good sir?”

He looked down at your outstretched hand, warring emotions in his eyes. Part of him wanted to take it, to let himself get lost in the dance with you. The other part knew it would only make the inevitable hurt worse.

But looking into your eyes, seeing the happiness and the innocence there, he couldn’t resist the pull.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, standing up. “I’d love to.”

Powder noticed movement from the corner of her eye and swiftly rushed to the speaker where Vander was still fixing it or rather just yelled and hoped it listened. Powder ignored Vander's protests and changed the song to one of a slow dance and grinned to herself. She held up her fist expectantly, and Vander watched your figure dragging Ekko to the floor and smiled slightly as he formed a fist of his own and bumped it against hers. Pinching her cheek soon after.

Ekko followed you to the dance floor, allowing himself to be led by your hand. As you reached the center, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close against him. He was acutely aware of how right it felt to have you this close, your body pressed against his.

He moved with the music, though it was clear he was a little clumsy compared to this body’s natural rhythm.

Despite it all, Ekko found himself grinning, laughing as you both stumbled through the dance together. It was far from elegant, both of you occasionally tripping over each other's feet or losing the beat.

Yet, in that moment, none of it mattered. It was the most fun he'd had in a long time. He was dancing with you, holding you close, and just for that single moment, all his worries seemed to fade away.

Once the song ended, Ekko suggested leaving the crowded dance floor. The noise and the dancing had become too much for him, and he needed a moment to clear his head.

He led you up to the rooftop, the cool night air a gentle breeze against your faces. The view from up here was breathtaking, the city lights below like a sea of stars against the darkened city.

You smiled as you interlocked your hand with his, recalling a fond memory. “Remember Ekko? Here's where you confessed. Here's where I became your girlfriend 5 years ago.”

He chuckled, a fond yet bittersweet smile tugging at his lips. “How could I forget?”

Here was where, in this timeline, this version of himself had confessed his feelings for you. He could imagine it—the nervous energy, the hope in his heart, the pounding of his own heart in his ears. But that wasn’t him. Those memories, those moments—they belonged to the Ekko of this timeline. Not him.

He tried to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest as he looked at you.

“It was sunny. So bright. Like the sun had come out just for us.”

He closed his eyes, picturing the scene. Sun rays streaming down, a soft, gentle breeze, and a clear sky overhead. A perfect day, a perfect moment.

He could see it in his mind's eye—the other Ekko, confessing his feelings to you here under the sun's warm glow. The jealousy clawed at his heart once more.

"Yeah.”

You gently pulled him forward to seat yourselves at the edge of the roof. Ekko watched the city lights below, making the buildings look surreal and dream-like. He leaned back, the cool night air a soft caress against his skin.

His mind was still a tangled mess of thoughts, his feelings for you and his guilt for being here mixing in a confusing jumble. But sitting here, this close to you, he couldn’t force himself to pull away.

You watched the city life below, dangling your feet, making it hit the wall back and forth. You don't look up as you ask, “You're not my Ekko, are you?”

Ekko's heart dropped, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut. He closed his eyes, his breath catching in his chest. He had tried so hard to keep it a secret, to pretend like everything was fine.

But you had seen through him. You knew.

He didn't say anything for a moment, the silence between you hanging heavy. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, "No. I'm not.”

You don't look up from where you watched your feet dance in the air. The silence hung heavy between you both, each in your own thoughts. Ekko's mind whirled, his heart aching at the fact that you had figured him out. He had wanted to keep pretending, to enjoy this one moment for just a bit longer.

He swallowed, his fingers clenching and unclenching where they rested against the rooftop. "How did you know?"

“It was raining the day you confessed to me.”

Ekko's heart clenched at the words. It was a small, seemingly insignificant detail, but it was enough to give him away. He hadn't even noticed that, amidst the tangle of feelings and memories he was trying to keep straight. Well, memories that weren't even his. He looked down at his hands, his fingers clenching tighter against the edge of the rooftop. He felt exposed, naked in a way that he didn’t like.

"Yeah," he finally whispered. "It was.”

You gripped at the floor where your hands were resting and Ekko could see the hesitation in your face as you asked a question.

“Who are you then?”

He paused, debating on what to say. He could lie, make up some convoluted story. But looking at you, seeing the curiosity in your eyes, he knew it would be a pointless lie. So, he took a deep breath, and for the first time, he confessed the truth.

"I'm Ekko. Just not the one you know. I'm from a different timeline. A different Zaun.”

Your eyes widened as realisation sunk in. “Parallel realities. They're…real.”

He nodded, the reality of it still sinking in for him. Parallel realities, alternate timelines. He'd known they existed in theory, but to experience it... it was something else.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "A little hard to believe, right?”

For the first since you sat down and fixed your eyes down, you lifted your eyes to look at him, a soft smile gracing your face. “Not really. I'm looking at it.”

He chuckled at that, a small laugh of disbelief. Here you were, accepting the impossible so easily, while he was still struggling to wrap his mind around it.

He looked at you, that soft smile on your face, and his heart ached. Everything about this world was so perfect, so right. And here he was, an intruder from another timeline.

‘You know me in your world then?,” you asked, fiddling with your fingers.

He nodded, his eyes looking out at the city below again. He imagined his own Zaun, so different from this one. The streets were darker, the sky a permanent ashen grey, and you...

He swallowed, forcing down the sudden wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

“Yeah. I do. You and I… we’re…” he trailed off, unsure how to explain the tangled mess of your relationship in his timeline.

“Are we not on good terms?”

He winced at that, the question making his stomach churn with guilt. In his timeline, things were complicated. "Good" was a generous way to describe it.

He took a moment to find the right words, not wanting to hurt you any more than he already had.

"It’s... complicated. Things between us... they’re messed up in my Zaun. We’re on the worst of terms,” he mumbled. “We... we’ve spent years apart. We haven’t seen each other for a long time. And when we do, it’s always a fight.”

“Oh,” you whispered, tone inexplicably sad.

His heart twisted, seeing the sadness in your expression. It hurt, knowing that he had caused it, even if indirectly.

He reached out, his hand hovering over yours. He wanted to touch you, to offer comfort, but he stopped himself at the last second. He didn’t deserve to give you comfort.

You noticed his hesitance and gently huffed as you took his hand in yours. He sucked in a breath as you took his hands, the simple act sending a shockwave through his body.

Your hands felt warm, small, and familiar against his. He closed his eyes, taking a moment to just feel you, to remember what it was like to touch you like this. He missed it so damn much.

He held your hands tightly, his fingers wrapping around yours. He didn’t want to let go.

You gripped his hand as you posed the question. “Do you…like the me of that world?”

He chuckled at that, the question making his chest ache.

Did he like you? Like was such an inadequate word to describe what he felt. He loved you. He always had. He’d been in love with you since they were kids. Even in his timeline, where things were so messed up. Even there, he still loved you desperately.

“I do,” he admitted quietly. “I like you so much, it hurts."

Ekko watched you bit your lip and stared down at the city sadly as you asked a question you didn't really want the answer to.

“Do I….like you back?”

The question felt like a punch to the gut.

He knew the response he should give, the truth behind the relationship between him and you in his timeline. It was a mess. A complicated, painful mess of feelings. Of love, hate, and betrayal. Of trust broken and hearts shattered.

He swallowed, his hands clenching tighter around yours. The answer was on the tip of his tongue, and he hated himself for saying it.

“No,” he whispered. “You don’t.”

The sadness in your expression, the way your eyes closed to hide the hurt, it was like a knife to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to take it back, to tell you everything was fine, that you loved him too. But he couldn’t. It was the truth, and lying wouldn’t change that.

He looked away, his eyes back on the city lights, the brightness suddenly blurring in his vision. Damn it, he should have never come here.

“Ekko.”

Hearing you say his name, in that soft, gentle voice, made something in him crack. He looked back at you, his eyes meeting yours.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice quiet and strained.

You turned your gaze from the night life to his eyes as you hesitantly asked, “Do you…want to kiss me?”

The question took him by surprise, jolting through him like an electric shock. He had wanted to kiss you, yes. For years, he’d desired to kiss you, to touch you, to have you closer. He’d dreamt of it, yearned for it, ached for it.

The word was out before he could stop himself.

“Yes.”

So you slowly moved forward and gently placed your lips against his. Time seemed to slow, the world around you fading into a muffled hum. His lips brushed against yours, featherlight at first, testing, savoring. The contact sent a shiver down your spine, warmth spreading from where you touched and radiating outward.

The kiss deepened naturally, an unhurried exploration of emotions he'd kept bottled for too long. His hand slid to your waist, pulling you closer while your fingers tangled in his locks. It was soft yet searing, a meeting of hearts that spoke in a language words could never capture.

When you finally parted, you rested your forehead against yours, breaths mingling, staring at his eyes, so rich of love and guilt. “You won't be staying, will you?”

The question broke through the fog in his mind, bringing him back to reality. The kiss had been perfect, but it was a lie, a false hope. He knew he couldn’t stay. He wasn’t supposed to be here.

He swallowed, his eyes glued to the ground, unable to meet your gaze.

“No,” he whispered. “I won’t be staying. My Zaun...it needs me.”

You smile sadly as you whispered, “I hope…the me there changes her mind.”

At that, he chuckled bitterly. You, changing your mind? The thought was laughable. He loved you, but even he knew that ship had sailed.

But seeing the sorrow in your expression, the hope in your eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you. He couldn’t snuff out that hope, that last shred of optimism you still had.

“Yeah,” he said, forcing a smile. “I hope she does too.”

You slowly pulled your hand up to caress his face, fingers moving across the soft skin of his flesh. The tenderness of your touch, the way your hand against his cheek, it sent a shiver through him. He closed his eyes, letting himself lean into your hand, to relish that feeling for as long as he could. It soothed the ache in his heart, that constant, aching longing for you.

“You deserve happiness Ekko.”

He placed his hand over yours, gently holding it to his face. “So do you, you deserve the world,” he mumbled.

You smiled sorrowfully as you watched Ekko. “You might not be the Ekko of this world, but you... you still have the same stupid hair. Same stupid eyes. Same...stupid smile. Same stupid heart. You're still my Ekko. I hope you can you can get your happy ending there.”

His breath caught at your words. It was too much. It was everything he'd been aching for, everything he wanted to hear.

He opened his eyes, looking at you, his heart clenching. A part of him wanted to tell you everything. To spill the truth of what the two of you had become in his timeline. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to you, not when you were looking at him like that.

He played with your hands, traced hearts on your palm.

"I'll try," he said softly.

You smiled at him and he mirrored your smile, his heart aching. He didn’t want this moment to end, he wanted to just stay here, with you, like this.

But the inevitable was closing in. The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave. He needed to go, needed to get back to his timeline before things got worse.

He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve. “I have to go now, don’t I?” he whispered.

Ekko watched as tears welled up in your eyes as you chuckled a sad laugh. “I think so.”

Seeing the tears in your eyes, hearing the acceptance in your voice, it took all his self-control not to pull you closer, to hold you to him. But he forced himself to stay still, even as every part of him wanted to keep you within arm's reach.

He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky sigh. "Yeah," he whispered. "I think so too.”

You suddenly pull him into a hug, wrapping your arms around him and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He closed his eyes, returning the embrace, hugging you tightly against him.

He buried his face against your hair, taking a deep breath, trying to commit this moment to memory. He didn’t know if he’d ever get to hold you like this again.

You place a soft kiss on his cheek. “ I won't ever forget you.”

The feeling of your lips on his cheek, it was too much. He held onto you tighter, like if he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to keep his voice steady. “I won’t forget you either. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

Every instinct in him was screaming to keep holding you, to not let go, but he forced himself to release his hold. He looked at you one last time, taking in your sad smile, before steeling himself and stepping back.

He took another deep breath, his heart heavy with the weight of all the things left unsaid. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Ekko. Smile some more, hm?"

Ekko felt a mix of emotions well up within him. He wanted to say so much, to tell you not to hope for his happiness, that he wouldn't find it. But the words stuck in his throat.

He managed a strained smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Yeah. Take care of yourself,” he said quietly.

He took one last look at you, the image of you standing there, sad but beautiful, seared into his mind.

With that, he turned and walked away, his footsteps growing fainter as he left you there, alone on the rooftop.

You turned your gaze towards the night life of the undercity and huffed a sad sigh as you turned your gazed up at the moon.

Ekko had decided to stop in his tracks and hide behind a wall so he can watch you one last time. The moon illuminated your features beautifully and although the smile on your face was one full of melancholy, Ekko could only find it in himself admire your beauty and mirrored a similar smile of his own.

Ekko watched you. He always had. That's all he can do.

—--- Epilogue

When Ekko returned to his timeline, it felt like he'd stepped into a world of shadows, a dark and menacing realm. The familiar alleys, the broken streets, it all looked so different, so wrong.

He trudged his way back to the Firelights base, his mind still focused on the you he left behind in the other timeline. The feeling of holding you, having you so close, it was like a fresh wound, reopening the aching loneliness within him.

He stood for a moment, to stare at the moon, to remember the image of you staring at the sky mere moments ago when he caught a flash of something from the corner of his eyes. Ekko watched you fall to your death.

Ekko watched you. He always had. That's all he can do.

#ekko x reader #ekko arcane #ekko league of legends #ekko #arcane #arcane x reader #arcane x you #arcane x y/n #ekko x you #ekko x y/n #ekko lol #arcane x female reader #ekko x fem reader #ekko x female reader

682 notes · View notes

hadersversion · 1 month ago

Text

‘tis the damn season.

“so we could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend.”

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue! reader

warnings: 18+, SMUT, p in v, fingering, begging, overstimulation, use of babe....let me know if i forget anything lol. ALSO in some places in america, thansgiving eve is literally just a holiday to get drunk in your hometown

your home for the holidays for the first time in years. you've been avoiding rafe, the reason you've been away for so long, but after seeing him again all the old feelings come back. when rafe sends a text one night, you end up in the back of his truck like old times.

i parked my car out front of my childhood home, staring at the old exterior.

somethings never change.

being back in the outer banks felt strange. it has been a while since i have been back, avoiding come home for as long as i can. but with a few begging phone calls from my mom and kiara, here i am.

i knock on my front door and am greeted with a bright smile.

"jj?" i ask, confused.

"welcome home, stranger." he says, with a hug and grabbing my bag.

i walk into my living room and see the pogues, sitting with my mom. a homemade 'welcome home' banner hanging above their heads.

my mom comes over and gives me a big hug. "i thought i would never see this face again." she says with a squeeze.

"boston isn't that far, mom." i tell her but i know she would never leave the outer banks. never in a million years. i turn towards the others and smile. "i wonder who could've put this together?" i say, looking at kiara.

"hey it wasn't all me, pope was the one who brought it up." she says, engulfing me in her arms.

"guilty." pope chimes in, joining the hug. i feel jj and john b join in as well. my family.

we break away and hang out in the living room, catching up.

"don't tell me you went all city on us, y/n." john b pokes fun at me.

"not completely. but it is nice having more things to do than hang on the beach and smoke." i wink.

"who could want more than that?" jj asks, making us all laugh.

"speaking of," kiara starts. "there's a little thanksgiving eve celebration happening at the wreck. just some people from high school. nothing big."

"just a chance to get drunk of our asses and go to dinner the next day hungover." jj says, causing kiara to nudge him.

"what do you say? want to join us?" i look around the room at my friends, all eager waiting for my response. with a sigh, i nod and they all cheer. "thank god, i don't think i could've done that alone."

i smile and nod. it should be fun, it will be. but my brain can't help to wonder if the one person who's kept me away from coming home will be there. no, he wouldn't. not with the pogues. but a part of me can't help but hope to see his face.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

i fix my sweater in the mirror in my room, my body fidgeting from anxiety. it's been a few days and i still can't shake that feeling from my body about being home. sure, i'm happy but this place holds so many memories. memories i wish to bury. i stare at the photo booth picture tucked into my mirror of him and i. i guess i forgot to hide this with the rest of the stuff. i take it off the mirror and sigh, examining it.

almost four years since it was taken. almost four years since we called it quits. and yet, he still haunts my memories. his presence making itself known through cheap beer at the bar, expensive men's cologne at the mall, exhaust that leaves motorbikes as they ride down the street. he's always there, whether i like it or not.

the sound of a horn breaks me free of my thoughts.

"y/n, they're here!" my mom calls from downstairs.

"coming!" i open my dresser drawer and slip the photo in before racing downstairs. i kiss my mom on the cheek and slip out the door, rushing into the van.

"ready to get fucked up?" jj asks with his devilish smirk.

i roll my eyes and laugh. "let's go."

we pull up to the wreck, it's already dark outside and a slight breeze fills the air. we all hurry in, greeted by familiar faces. my name is called from every direction, old friends from high school or the beach. all my fellow pogues who i know and love. when i'm done making my rounds, i head over to our table. everyone has some drink in their hand, beer or cocktail, and they all smile up at me.

"who would've though little y/n y/l/n would be a pogue celebrity?" pope jokes.

i flip him off and slide in next to john b. kiara hands me a beer and i take a sip. "i'm not a celebrity, i'm just one of the only people from this island who actually made it off."

they all make jokes at my despair, teasing me in any way they could when sarah walks up. i feel my stomach flip and i smile at her. "y/n!" she embraces me. "i'm so happy to see you!"

i hug her back and smile. "me too, sar. how's everything been?"

"the usual but i can't complain." she sits next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. "it's been forever."

"it has." i sigh. "it really has."

we all share stories and laugh around the table. we take shots, chug beer, and play different drinking games. just like old times sake.

"i need another beer." i say with a slight slur in my voice, standing up. "anyone else?" everyone shakes their head as i excuse myself.

i walk up to the bar and wait my turn, twirling my debit card in my hand. it could be the alcohol but i feel content and happy to be home.

"y/n?"

until that moment.

i don't want to turn around, i don't even want to accept my fate in this situation.

i know that voice, i could recognize it in a crowd of millions of people. it was the voice that lingered in my dreams, my thoughts.

i turn around and look at the man.

"rafe."

he looks older, his hair buzzed and some facial hair covering his face. but those eyes. they are the same eyes of the boy i loved.

we stood there, not saying a word. just taking the sight of one another in.

"i didn't know you were home." he says, not breaking eye contact.

i nod, biting my lip. "i am, i got home monday."

he chuckles to himself and shakes his head. "how long you here for?"

"till saturday. then i'm going back to boston." my throat feels scratchy and my face is on fire. i want to be anywhere but here now.

his eyes continue to study me. "two more budweiser's, please." he says to the bartender. i open my mouth to protest but he shakes his head. "on me, think of it as a welcome home gift."

the bartender hands me the beer and i smile. i turn back to rafe and tip the bottle to him. "thanks."

"no problem." he clinks his bottle to mine. we both take a long sip. my eyes are desperately trying to find a place to land, ending up on the bright sign above the bar. but rafe's are still on me.

"you okay?" kiara asks as she walks behind rafe. she is my gurdian angel.

"yeah, just waiting for my beer. excuse me." i squeeze past rafe and walk back to my table. i look back at him and smiles. i hate him.

a few drinks more and my ears are ringing. it was loud and everyone was far too drunk. i excuse myself for air outside. there are a few people lingering, smoking cigarettes or waiting for ubers. i smile and take in the nostalgia.

"you know, it would've been nice to know you were home." i hear rafe's voice next to me.

i roll my eyes and look up at him. "oh, would it have been? sorry, i didn't think you'd care." i say coldly. that liquid courage is taking control.

he looks down at me. "and why would i have not cared?"

"hmm, let me think." i put my finger to my chin. "oh, right. 'don't ever contact me again. we're so over. i wish i never met you. blah. blah. blah.' do you want me to go on?" i say to him.

i watch as he processes what i said to him, the words of our last fight. he looks guilty, for once in his life. "that was years ago, y/n. w-we were just kids."

"oh, really? then why haven't i heard from you for the past few years? phone works both ways, rafe." i say, shrugging.

he stands there quietly, i got him.

"how's school been?" he asks, nonchalantly.

"are you for real?" i ask.

"what? i'm being nice." he says.

i huff with frustration. "you are such an ass." i push pass him and walk onto the sidewalk.

"where are you going?" he asks, following after me.

"away from you." i say, not looking back.

i hear him run up behind me and he gently grabs my arm. "y/n. y/n, stop."

i turn to look at him. "what do you want from me, huh? you want to torture me even more?"

he stares at me, hand still on my arm. "what? of course not. y/n, i missed you."

"fuck off." i spit out without thinking.

"you're drunk."

"and you're an asshole." i say, flatly. "you...you fucking broke my heart and you expect me to act like everything is fucking dandy?"

"y/n." he tries to plead his case.

"no, rafe. you don't get to waltz in here and act like everything is okay with us. do you know how much you fucked me over? one day you're telling me you love me and you want to move to boston with me and the next, you're dumping me over the phone." i poke his chest. "i did everything you wanted, i kept what we had between us a secret, i took care of you. and nothing was enough for you."

he looks down at his feet in guilt. "i-i know, i'm sorry. i was...i was fucked up back then. with my dad on my case and the drinking...i wasn't okay. i felt like..." he cut himself off.

"what, rafe? you felt like, what?" i ask.

"like i was going to hold you back, alright?" he raises his voice. "you are too good for this place, for me. i didn't want to hold you back. i loved you too much to do that to you." i stare at him and laugh. "what? what's so fucking funny?"

"you, rafe. you." i sigh. "instead of being a man and handling your emotions, you ran and hid. we could've worked that out. but you were too scared." i close my eyes and shake my head. "goodbye, rafe."

i walk down the street, hugging my body as the wind blows. a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but there's still that feeling i get whenever i think of him. that feeling that i miss him.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

thanksgiving flew by, even though i had a hangover that felt like it would last a lifetime.

i helped my mom clean up the kitchen as the pogues did the dishes and took the trash out. just like old times.

once we were done, we sat outside around the bonfire. you would think after yesterday, drinking would come to a halt but jj found a bottle of vodka in the freezer and mixed it with kiara's apple cider. we all enjoyed each other's company but my mind could not help but wander. my last conversation with rafe ringing through my head.

"instead of being a man and handling your emotions, you ran and hid."

i shake my head and take a sip of my spiked cider. as much as it rang true, there was still that part of me that wonders 'what if?'. the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to pick up my phone.

no, i need to be the bigger person. i'm stronger than that. i can't text him first.

then i felt my phone buzz in my lap.

rafe: hey

i stare at the text and bite my lip. i know i should ignore it, let it go unread. but my fingers work against my brain and type 'hi' back to him. i sit there, eagerly waiting for a response.

rafe: can we talk?

rafe: i'm sorry about last night, i'm a fucking idiot.

rafe: there's so many things i could say to you rn

rafe: but i miss you.

rafe: i wanna see you.

i look around at my friends and sigh, they would be so mad at me for this.

y/n: sure, give me like an hour.

y/n: park down the street at the usual spot.

my friends leave my house, mainly due to me faking another wave of hungover puking. i run upstairs and check myself out in the mirror, i look damn good. when i get his text, i sneak out the backdoor and hurry down the street. i see his truck parked under the big tree, the spot he always parked in.

i open the truck door and hop into the passenger seat. i look over at him, he's still in his dressy clothes. a blue polo that hugged his arms right and khakis that made his thighs look exceptionally big. he knew what he was doing and i can't tell if i hate him or love him for it.

we drive in silence for a bit, his radio playing music faintly. his hands grip the steering wheel as his mind looks like he's on another planet. i play with the ends of my sweatshirt, anxiously waiting for him to do something. anything.

he pulls up to the beach, the spot where we would always come to. it was dark and the waves crashed against the shore loudly. he turns the car off and looks over at me.

"thanks for meeting me." he says simply.

"sure."

"i'm sorry about last night. you went out to have fun and i ruined it, i know i did."

i just nod at him.

"and...you were right. about it all." he sighs, running his hands over his face. "i should've manned up, talked to you about how i was feeling. but you know how i get. i get too in my head and just jump to conclusions. it wasn't fair to you." he looks into my eyes. "these past few years without you have been a living hell and i have only myself to blame."

"are you drunk? high?" i ask.

"w-what?"

"are you not sober?" i ask again.

"i'm sorry, what? of course i'm fucking sober." he says. "why would i not be?"

"rafe cameron...taking accountability? i'm sorry, it just seems so...foreign?" i laugh.

"i'm being serious, y/n."

i laugh again. "oh, i'm sure. and...the sky is green. we live on the planet pluto. aliens exist and so do unicorns!"

he pinches the bridge of his nose. "y/n, i'm telling the truth! god, you always joke around."

"yeah, because i know you." i say to him. "and you would rather eat concrete than admit you are wrong."

"eat concrete?" he asks, with a smirk.

"you know what i mean!" i huff with frustration.

he grabs my hand and stares in my eyes. "y/n, i am fully sober. we are not in another universe, it is not opposite day. i was wrong and i am sorry."

my brain malfunctions as i look into his eyes. "y-you mean it?"

"every word i said."

my brain not working means i experienced a lack of better judgment. i grab rafe by his collar and connect our lips for the first time in years. this kiss, the one i have longed for since i left this place, was the missing puzzle piece i've been searching for in my life. everything seemed to make sense again.

his hands cupped my cheeks as his tongue slipped into my mouth. he was hungry for me and i wasn't going to stop him because i felt insatiable as well. his hands roamed from my cheeks down to my neck and onto my shoulders.

i needed more.

i climbed onto his lap and straddled him. my arms connected around his neck as he pressed against me. i felt his cock hard against his khakis and i wanted it. i wanted it all. i rubbed myself against him, causing us both to moan.

he continued to kiss me until he broke away and looked at me. his puffy lips formed a cocky smile as he brushed his nose against mine. "you missed me."

"shut up." i was itching for more.

"admit it, you missed me. you missed the way i made you feel." he states.

"rafe, shut up and kiss me, please."

"ah ah ah." he shook his head. "not until you tell me."

"you're such an ass." i roll my eyes, trying to catch my breathe.

"yet, here you are, rubbing yourself against me in my truck." he says, kissing my cheek. his lips then go to my ear and down my neck. "i want it all with you, right now, babe. but i need to hear it."

"fine! fuck, i missed you. are you happy?" i groan, needing him.

"very. get in the backseat." he demands. i quickly follow his order, hopping in the back over the seats. he gets out of the truck and opens up the back door, sliding in next to me. "come here." he pulls me back onto his lap and we pick up where we left off. i continue to rub myself against him as he sloppily kisses me. "just like old times." he jokes and i hit his shoulder. "c'mon, don't act like you don't think about it."

"oh, i do. but i bet you think about it more than i do." i smirk.

"probably." he laughs. his fingers fall to the hem of my sweater and he plays with it. "now are we only here to kiss or?"

"why? you wanna fuck me in your truck? just like old times." i say, making fun of what he just said.

"i do, i wanna fuck you right here, right now. it's all i've been wanting to do." he kisses my jawline. "do you want me to fuck you?"

this is what i missed the most, our back and forth.

"yes, rafe. i want you to fuck me." i moan out.

with that, he practically rips my sweater off my body and starts to kiss down my chest. his large hands palm my clothed breast. i bite my lip and let my head fall back, missing the way he affected my body. i felt his hand snake around to the back and unclip my bra quickly.

"show off." i say, out of breathe.

i smirks and connects his lips to my nipple, sucking and licking it. his hand massaging my other. "don't pretend you don't like it."

i smirk and shake my head.

he continues to focus on my tits, going back and forth between the two.

"more." i whisper, eyes clenched shut.

"what was that?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"i need more, rafe. please." i beg.

"look at you all needy for me. i knew you missed me." his hand slipped under my jeans and panties, stopping right at my core. i felt his fingers curl inside me, going in and out. "all wet for me, huh? what a good girl." he pushed in, fingering my cunt, when his thumb found my sensitive bud. he added pressure, circling it, and i felt as though i was seeing stars.

"s-shit." i cry out, moving my hips to try and gain some friction.

"feel good, baby? let me hear how could i make you feel." he picked up his pace and a pornographic moan escaped my lips. it's been forever since someone has made me feel this good. rafe knew my body like it was his own, he knew how to get me going. "there we go, like how my fingers feel?"

"u-uh huh." i nod, mouth hanging open.

his fingers worked their magic, rubbing my clit at a pace that'll make me come undone in no time. "love the way you look on top of me, baby. so fucking sexy." he attached his lips to my tits again and continued fingering me.

i felt on fire.

i place one hand on the window and the other on his shoulder, holding on for dear life. the more he whispered about me and the faster his fingers were going, i was cumming on his fingers before i knew it. i rode out my high, screaming his name. once i was done, i felt him pull his fingers out of my pants, my juices getting all over myself. i stared down at him, trying to catch my breathe, as he popped his fingers into his mouth and sucked.

"just as good as i remember." he cleaned his fingers off and kissed me again. my hands ran down his buff chest and stopped at the bottom of his polo, lifting it up. his gold chain laid against his chiseled body, he was perfect. i felt as though i was in a trance as i began to kiss down his chest. i could feel his groans vibrating in his chest and i smirked because i was the one making him feel this way. "i need to fuck you."

"you need to?" i laugh, kissing lower and lower.

"yes, y/n. i need to bury myself inside of you, please." he pleaded.

"i like when you're the one begging." i bite him lightly, causing him to hiss.

"i bet."

i unbuttoned his khakis and sat up so he could slip them off. his grey boxers were discolored from the precum leaking off his cock. he took his underwear off and his cock sprung out. "i-i don't have protection." he said, mentally cursing himself out.

"well, are you clean?" i ask.

"yes. i-i haven't been with anyone since." he openly admitted.

i felt the darkness overtake my eyes as i lower myself down onto him. his breath hitched as he slipped all the way in. he was deep inside of me, causing a few tears to leave my eyes. but the pain subsided as he started to rock my hips with his hands, moving me back and forth. i picked up the rhythm he started with me and placed my hands on his shoulder to steady myself. i felt the truck rocking back and forth as i did so.

his hands found my ass and rested there. "fuck, i missed your pussy. so good, takes me so well." he kissed my chest as i grinded back and forth.

i felt my finger nails dig into his shoulder as his cock hit all the right spots. i looked down at him and he stared at me in awe, like i was some work of art. "fuck, rafe. you're so big."

i bite my lip as i let my head fall back in pleasure. i ride him fast as i keep saying his name. "shit, y/n. you're such a good girl, you're so hot. you feel so tight."

i connect our lips, i feel his hands tighten around my ass. this means he was close. "i want you to cum in me, rafe." his eyes widen as he opens his mouth to ask for permission. "p-please fill me up. i miss it so much." i say, trying to catch my breathe.

with that, he lets out a groan and my name falls from his lips like a prayer. "y/n." i feel him coming inside me, painting me. it doesn't take long for his thumb to find my clit again. with the extra pressure applied to my overstimulated cunt, i feel my head reeling. the air in the truck is hot, making it almost hard for me to breath. it all feels too much, my body releasing onto rafe yet again.

we sit there, panting with our eyes closed. i rest my head on his sweaty chest and he kisses me gently. he rubs my back, tracing circles into it.

"felt even better than i imagine." he says, his voice gruff.

"you thought about it a lot, huh?" i smirk.

"all the fucking time."

i take him out of me and sit next to him in the truck. the windows are foggy and our hands find each other, holding them. i get a sense of weird nostalgia, from how things used to be with us.

"well that was a thanksgiving to remember." i joke, trying not to feel overwhelmed by what happened.

"'tis the damn season." he replies.

i slowly slip my sweater back on and try to find my pants.

"w-wait." rafe says. "is this...is this it? just a single fuck and you're gone."

i look at him, his eyes pleading with me.

"i go back to boston on saturday rafe, we only have like a day and a half."

i wish we could keep this going, i wish this was how things always were. but i had to think realistically. i have to go back home, i have to move on with my new life.

he grabs my hand and squeezes it. "boston is only an 11 hour drive. hour or two by plane."

"rafe." i say.

"i can't lose you again. i can't, y/n. these past few years have sucked without you. i can't wait until you come home for christmas again. now that i've got you again, i can't risk it."

i sigh and kiss his hand. "i know. i know." i close my eyes and shake my head. "we'll make it work. we almost did it before."

"we can do it again." he smiles sweetly. i kiss his lips gently, laying my hand against his chest.

"you'd do an 11 hour car ride for me?"

"y/n, i'd fucking walk if i have to." he smiles.

i roll my eyes and kiss his cheek. "you're so cheesy."

he lays me back against the truck seats and kisses me. "don't act like it doesn't work for you."

#kaila’s fics₊˚ෆ #rafe cameron₊˚ෆ #obx₊˚ෆ #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x pogue!reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #obx #drew starkey #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron smut

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lilacgaby · 3 months ago

Text

˗ˏˋmy first, my last, my everything ୭ৎ ིྀ

pairing: exmafia!bakugo x reader

summary: katsuki left that life behind for you. but when the life you two built from scratch together was threatened, what else could he do but go back?

tags: fem!reader, wife!reader, mafia mentions, violence, angst to comfort, cursing, blood, pet names, no quirk au!, threats, guns, mention of death, clingy katsuki

status: complete.

wc:~2.5k

katsuki had been around blood for most of his life.

whether it was his own, or a bastard who he had to handle for his own, he'd grew comfortable to it. almost intolerant to it.

but seeing you, freaking out with a bullet in your shoulder, your blood spilled over the floors he'd taken you to pick out?

it was something he never prepared for.

glass was shattered, he ran to your side immediately. the hot flash of pain in your arm unbearable, even more so as he pressed down on it, his shirt now ripped as he had to keep the blood from pouring.

your wails echoed throughout the shop, the one you decorated and planned for months together.

he needed to call someone, anyone. you were bleeding and he needed the kit-- but it was too far.

he was failing you. you were crying and he was failing you.

he was shaking, "babe? fuck. stay awake." everything around him was mocking him. his phone being too far, everything was just out of his grasp. out of his control.

he couldn't get up and leave you, if he let up the pressure you could die in the minute it'd take for him to set up.

he always failed you in the end. this was all his fault.

until, kaminari and kirishima walked in, about to yell out and bug katsuki for some food like usual. "yo bro! what's--"

the sight in front of them was one they never expected to see. katsuki almost crushing your arm with pressure, your blood all over the place. the front of house ruined.

it was enough for them to jump into action. katsuki holding you still as kirishima worked to get the bullet out of your arm. kaminari throwing the medkit over from where katsuki had it stored in a shelf. it had barely missed an artery, you were a milimeter away from death.

honestly, they hadn't liked you for a while. before meeting you they only saw you as the woman who was taking one of their best friends away from them. from their own.

but they learned that you only wanted the best for him, so you'd all become close. they learned how katsuki made this choice because he wanted better life for the two of you.

how he was growing sick of the repeated bloodshed that never amounted to anything. how his heart ached at the sight of you crying over his wounds, his black eyes and knife cuts embedded in his skin.

how he vowed to himself that before he'd ever propose to you, that he'd tie up all loose ends with his group, before he knew he could fully dedicate himself to you.

and he did.

nobody couldve ever imagined that they'd be here, kaminari working to keep you calm, helping regulate your breaths. you were freaking out, and that wasn't good for the extreme amount of blood you were losing.

katsuki would be forever grateful for them. he didn't know what he'd do if they weren't here, if you had died in his arms.

your screams were haunting, but at least you were alive. they finally died down into groans of pain when the bullet was out and the fabric was tied tightly around your shoulder.

your shirt was bloodied, his hands were too. he picked you up and mindlessly followed the two into a car that they must of called when he wasn't listening.

back to his old life he went. his eyes were sharp and angry, his hand gripping yours tightly, his finger over your pulse.

he had frozen up. and that could've costed you your life.

your eyes were half-lidded, but open.

only the noise of the road was heard throughout the car. he was the only one in the back, holding you in his arms as he faced straight ahead. he didn't think he could handle looking at you right now.

"'suki?" you said, so quietly the thumping of the road almost completely blocked it out.

but he heard you, he always did. "don't waste your energy. we're almost there."

you nodded, squeezing tighter. your eyes stuck on his bloodied shirt.

you were immediately rushed to the medical wing, the old woman dubbed 'recovery girl' taking you into her care. "she'll be fine, young man. she was lucky. they missed." she scurried off behind the operation team, who had immediately taken her into surgery.

those words carried only a bit of comfort for him. he was guided back to the meeting room, the one he'd been in several times before. the one he took brutal beat downs just to get out of.

but he was back, and it was for you. the same reason why he left.

he stared back at his old blood. deku had taken over for all might a couple years back, so he stood at the head of the table waiting for the rest of them settled in.

he wore a soft face of sympathy. "go change." deku finally said, handing him a pair of spare clothes. "we'll wait for you. you look like.. crap."

"to say the least." katsuki muttered, before accepting the clothes and going to where he knew the old bathroom was.

he washed his hands of your blood, but he knew it'd never really leave. he had stained your life, put you in danger for something as fragile as love. you could've died today, for the only reason of you being connected to him.

he changed, emptying the tattered shirt and slacks into the garbage. he didn't want anything to do with them anymore.

after splashing his face with some water, he headed back to the room.

every old face was there waiting for him, some with understanding small smiles.

he sat next to kirishima, arms crossed as he looked to the head.

"kacchan." deku started. "you, you aren't seriously thinking of coming back, are you?"

all eyes were on him, his body tense. "of course i am. i'm going to find the dumbfuck who did this and bury them."

"but you're not one of us anymore." todoroki cut in. "you left, if you come back it's like you did all that for nothing."

"you can never truly leave though, if you think about it." iida replied before katsuki had a chance. "this is just proof of it. even though he worked so hard to get rid of the connections to us, she still ended up targeted."

"and by an ally no less."

"a what?" katsuki said, his hand slamming on the table. "repeat that shit to me scarface?"

"it's not confirmed yet--"

"don't lie midoriya, it's obvious from the bullet. even the color is mocking us." todoroki said, sliding a bag across the table, over to katsuki.

a bright purple bullet was in it. it was bigger than he remembered, a 12.7 mmx99. it took up almost the entirety of his hand. whoever shot this really had wanted to kill you.

but it couldn't be...

"..shinsou?"

"that's who it points to."

"but. it doesn't make sense. your wife was close friends with him, and we haven't had bad relations with '2 Block' for decades!" midoriya reasoned.

"that doesn't change the fact there was a bullet in her arm." katsuki grumbled, moving it around in his hand. he slammed it back down onto the table.

"wow bakugo, if you couldn't pick up on that, i don't think you should be working this operation." kaminari said, a hand behind his head.

"shinsou wouldn't have missed. she'd be dead the second he aimed for her. you should know that."

silence enveloped the room. kaminari was right, if he didn't pick up on that, he was rusty.

his eye twitched. "i fuckin' knew that dumbass."

"you have personal stake in this, we get it. but you'll end up dead if you keep thinking with your shit attitude." kaminari responded.

"he has a point kacchan. why don't you let us handle it, and you can--"

"no."

he silenced them all with that single word. a face of sincerity and vulnerability he barely wore present in that moment. "i have to do this. i can't sleep at night if i don't. you guys of all people should understand."

a collective silence came over the room. they didn't say anything, but they knew if this had happened to them they'd want back in too.

they knew midoriya had the final say though, so they wished for his opinion.

"fine. but youre not doing this alone. we'll all get in on this. you were one of our best before, im sure all might would agree."

everyone nodded in agreement, saying some variation of 'if you say so'.

kirishima patted katsuki on the back. "hey man, our duos back again!"

"only for this mission though."

"aw man."

"we start tomorrow, so fix yourselves up. i have a feeling we'll be traveling around some tomorrow." midoriya ordered. "dismissed."

everyone poured out, katsuki walking directly to the medicine ward. he passed by the hallways, the pictures representing the allyship between them and the several surrounding gangs mocking as he walked by.

it all felt so familiar, it had only been a year. not much had changed, except for the atmosphere that he brought along with him.

he finally made it to the ward, looking past all the rooms. 'lets see, torture room.. cell.. no she'd be here.' he thought before walking into a hallway.

there he found only one room with a light on. he was right, he looked in to see you, fast asleep with bandages wrapped around your arm.

'at least you were safe', he sighed. jumping slightly when 'recovery girl' started speaking to him. "you did well, a moment later and she'd be dead. don't beat yourself up young man."

a moment passed between them, her words resonating in his mind. he'd done all that he could doz

"you can go wait inside, just don't wake her. there should be a spare bed you can pull out."

and with that, she left.

he walked inside, pulled out the bed and held your hand as he slept. the guilt never dissipated, it was all his fault. and so he'd have to fix it.

he woke up to the feeling of you moving. he'd been on edge the whole night, so the feeling of your hand jerking out of his woke him up immediately.

"katsuki." you said, sounding so tired and confused it broke his heart a bit.

" 'm here." he hugged you quickly, being mindful of the wound in your arm. a desperate, tearful kiss shared between you.

you took his face into your hands, making him stare into your eyes.

"i was so scared, you don't even know." you said nervously. "i thought i was gonna die."

katsuki held you tighter, still so disappointed with himself for even letting you get to that point. he felt like he should've taken the shot. that he should be the one injured right now, but instead he leaned in closer to you. "i was too, but you're here now. safe. with me."

"mhm."

you held him for a bit longer, looking at the room surrounding you.

while he was thinking of the possibilities that could've happened, his one wrong step from you could've left him all alone, you examined the room.

it wasn't a regular hospital, probably not a hospital at all. you knew that from the guns laying on the counters. the stitches all around ready for work, the empty body bags that were bloodied. mocking as they hung from the ceiling.

the windows, all reinforced heavily. the door that had a bolt lock on it.

you didn't get to feel relieved for long. "katsuki. be honest with me."

he tensed up, he knew you'd find out eventually. but he wanted to finish this mess before you ever knew about it. "always am."

"are you.. back in this?" you asked, looking into his eyes with an anxious expression. your hands clinging to his sides.

he sighed heavily. "y'know i have to. i'll never relax if i know that fucker is still out there. he could come back and.. and hurt you again."

"and i can't change your mind about this?"

"...no. it's for.. for us. i wouldn't have left if i didn't care for you, you know that."

"i do."

"then.. just-- wait for me okay? i won't leave 'til later today."

you nodded, laying your head in his chest. "if you get hurt too i think ill die."

"i won't get hurt."

"you promise?"

"i swear."

you leaned in and pecked another kiss on his lips. though you were interrupted by kirishima walking in.

"oops, i really should've knocke-"

"yeah you should've dumbass."

"hi kiri!" you waved, shoving katsuki off of you. "hey [name]!"

katsuki had one arm around you, squinting seemingly annoyed at his partner annoying his wife.

the topic would randomly change from shows you were watching, to fun things that have happened recently, but it took a deep turn into what had just happened to you.

"so, [name]. you heard bakugo's hanging with us for a while, right?"

"yeah, i did." you said, holding him just a bit closer subconsciously.

"so, did he tell you who we think did it?"

"shut the fuck up kir--"

"you already know?" your attention was on him fully. the look in your eyes revealing just how much you wanted answers. "well, it's just a guess for no--"

"shut up kirishima."

"but we think it's shinsou."

your face twisted in confusion. "shinsou?...

no, you're wrong."

"babe, please stay out of this."

"shinsou wouldn't do this-"

"they found his bullet in your arm. nobody else who isn't retired or dead uses that shit."

you physically recoiled at that. "no way." you looked to kirishima, who only confirmed it.

"this has to be a set up or something? he wouldn't do that!"

kirishima made a face, which made katsuki squint his eyes in confusion. "what?"

"i mean.. she could be right y'know. we talked a bit before you came bro." kirishima said, walking in and closing the door behind him.

"right about what? shinsou is associated even if he wasn't the one who shot the bullet." katsuki asserted, standing up to meet kirishima, even if he was taller. this made kiri shoot his arms up in defense.

"i'm saying you're both right. we think it's someone closely associated to shinsou, someone who either taught him or was close to his teacher."

"eraserhead? the guy with a thousand hits under his belt?"katsuki glared, shoving a pointed finger in kirishima's chest.

"hey man, i'm just the messenger. but, no. someone else who learned from him too. but, midoriya called 'you know who' for information."

katsuki sighed, knowing the asshole who went by 'hawks' was about to be here any moment. "fine, i'll be ready soon. just.. let me take her home."

kirishima nodded, leaving the room with a "be back soon man!"

"i'm taking you home baby."

"fine."

"and you have to take all the medicine and stuff when i call you. we'll have to use burners again."

you rolled your eyes. "..fine."

"and, i want you to text me every hour and before you go to sleep."

"fucking fine. let's go already, this place creeps me out."

"good."

he grabbed your hand, helping you up. he let you change into some sweatpants and a tshirt so you didn't have to be the hospital gown for much longer.

you drove home, taking the long route so you wouldn't have to the see the remnants of your , almost, death in your own shop. he had to leave you in front and he wasn't happy about it. opening your door and hugging you tightly, you knew he wasn't going to see you for a couple days.

"babe, text me whenever you can. send me photos or voice messages i don't give a fuck."

"it's only a couple of days kat' you'll be fine, but i'll do it. you text me too, tell me when you sleep and stuff."

"don't let anyone in the house and don't tell anyone what's happenin-"

"i know, babe. i'll be okay."

he shared one last kiss with you. with a determined face he turned away, he would not sacrifice your life together like this. he wouldn't not let you get hurt again.

he would not fail.

next part

#ignores my other unfinished series*#mafia!bakugo #bakugo #bakugo x y/n #bakugo katuski #bakugo x you #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo fluff #katsuki x you #bakugo drabble #mha x you #bakugo oneshot #katsuki bakugo mha #katsuki x y/n #katsuki x reader #bakugo angst

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bunny-jpeg · 2 months ago

Note

Hi bunny!! Got a Halloween special request here!!

May I have a chex-mix and mummy hand pies with a side of haunted lemonade and white claw served by Franco Colapinto, please?💕💕

halloween bakery - bakery menu

the spooky menu is still up till nov 2nd! there are tons of spooky prompts for you to choose from! thank you to those who have submitted, i'll be working on them ASAP in the lead up to halloween!! thank you and i hope you love this! i'm surprised by how much people have loved my colapinto fics since i started posting them! so thank you <3

chex-mix: "did you go as a whore this year, or did you just forget a costume?" + mummy hand pies: "be careful of the full moon!" + haunted lemonade: size difference/kink + white claw: slutty costumes served by franco colapinto (formula one)!!

tags: smut/pwp, size difference/kink, slutty costumes, couples costumes (red riding hood & wolf),

franco waited for you to get ready for the halloween party you two were attending. the two of you were out in austin for the grand prix weekend and got roped into an early halloween party.

he leaned up against the wall near the bathroom and knocked on the door, "are you almost done, amor? did you get stuck in the costume?"

you laughed on the other side of the door, "you think so low of me, honey." you opened the door and franco caught sight of what you were wearing.

franco's eyes went wide at the sight of you. oh, there was no way you were leaving the hotel room like that.

"what happened to the other costume?" he asked as he held onto the doorway to the bathroom and leaned in towards you. he remembered it vividly, it was still a red riding hood costume, but it covered a fair bit, "did you want go as a whore this year, or did you just forget the costume?"

you replied, "it was too hot for austin, so while you were on the track. i went out and got something else. i mean, we still match." you didn't see the problem with it. as if you didn't look like you were doing a porn shoot in an hour.

he raised his eyebrows, "amor. c'mon." he gestured, "i was supposed to be the big bad wolf. the whole, 'be careful of the full moon, little red', and you were supposed to be a little more... covered up." he picked at a stray strand of thread for the costume. it wasn't even sewn right.

"it's fine, honey." you tried to move past him to get your heels on. but franco took you by the waist and pressed your backside up against him.

he bent up against you and kissed at an exposed part of your neck. he kept his arms around you tightly and said in a soft time, "you don't get it, my love. you look like a whore, and i hold you in higher regard than that. i don't want others getting the wrong idea about you." he rubbed the front of his jeans up against your backside.

"yet you're turned on by it." you remarked then moaned as he pressed further against you. you whimpered a little and he felt a shudder through him.

"of course, but i'm your boyfriend." he pressed you further to him. showing off his size and strength compared to you. he would've made a good big bad wolf if he wasn't so painfully hard for how scantily dressed you were.

"well, i have nothing else to wear." you remarked. and then a gasp left your lips when franco tore the skirt right at the seam.

he remarked, "you could've bought something a little more expensive." then let the fabric fall to the floor. he then snaked his hand between your legs and rubbed your slit over your panties.

you looked like a whore as he pleasured you and eventually he grabbed you to bring you to the bed. you ended up on it and he got everything else off of you. you tried to joke, "my what big teeth you have."

he grabbed you by the hips and bent you almost in half. you sticky slit on display for him. he replied, "i wouldn't be worried about my teeth, amor." then rubbed his barely clothed cock against your slit. your wetness stained the front of his dark blue briefs.

you swallowed, you knew franco was big. he had always been big compared to you. when you gave him your virginity, he spent an hour fingering you so he wouldn't bruise you. but tonight he knew that tonight he didn't care if he bruised up your insides.

he got his t-shirt off and his briefs, both of you were naked as franco kept you bent and your pussy on display for him. he felt a thrill of excitement run through him at the sight of you.

he sank his cock into you as he kept you in the mating press and you felt excitement run through you. your brain went numb for a moment as you felt the pleasure course through your body. it was hot, painfully hot. franco did things to you that you never thought anyone else could do. he drove you mad and made you hot all over.

"franco, fuck." you shifted a little bit. it was a bit of a painful position, your knees were to your chin as he fucked into you without much softness. he felt the zap of possessiveness through him.

he wasn't going to lat his beloved girlfriend dress like that for halloween. unless it was in the bedroom where no prying eyes could see. you could still dress nice for halloween, but you didn't need to show off almost every inch of skin.

"see, if you wanted to excite me. then you didn't have to buy a costume. i think the best thing you can wear for me is nothing. maybe my number on your back, but other than that. i want you in nothing. i want all your clothes on the floor while i fuck you. you're mine, amor. all mine."

his words excited you, you knew that he turned you on greatly. and you did the same for him. even if you didn't know, the statement was made clear by how hard he fucked you.

in the lavish hotel room in austin, the high of a decent weekend followed by a party that you were now late for. he continued to thrust against you, he could feel his pounding heartbeat in your ears as he made a pretty mess of you sweet pussy. you wouldn't second guess how he felt about you by how he made you feel.

your larger boyfriend with his heavy cock made you feel like you were on cloud nine. for a brief moment you thought about not going to the party. you could stay in the hotel room and see how many times you could do it before you were simply too exhausted.

he held onto your hips as he continued to fuck you. the pace was feverish. he groaned, "you look perfect. better than in that costume." he pressed further into you and you felt excitement race through you. you felt hot all over and as did he.

franco excited you in sexual ways that you never thought were possible. he was the kind of lover that brought out parts of you never thought were possible. before you met, you never thought about filming yourself pleasuring yourself. but with the distance between you two for so long, he eventually had a vast collection of photos and videos.

everything from you pleasuring yourself with a toy, to showing off your nude body to him for the camera. and of course, softer, more tender moments. like you in his clothes and wearing the bracelet he gifted you when he signed to formula one.

currently that bracelet looked nice on your wrist while you held onto the white covers under you. franco groaned as he continued to fuck you with heavy thrusts. he felt just as excited as you did. he knew he wasn't going to last long.

"shit. franco." you groaned as you squirmed a little bit which only prompted franco to press further into you. have you in a proper press as his cock moved in and out of you with a feverish pace.

you were the first to cum, you clawed at the sheets. no proper words left you lips, but you did made a sweet moaning noise that sent shocks through franco as he continued to batter your sweet cunt. it was all so hot and it made the driver only fuck you harder. he didn't last long much after, he made sure every inch was inside of you as he finished inside of you with a heated groan.

his pace stopped and the you two looked at one another. franco dropped your hips and pulled one another into a heated kiss. hands traveled across each other's heated bodies.

"you're so fucking hot." he groaned.

when he laid out next to you, he draped an arm across your chest and leaned in to kiss and suck at the nape of your neck. you knew he was decorating you with his marks. and that were was no concealer in the world that would cover the dark marks on your skin.

you both attended the party. you went last minute as a williams racing fan. which wasn't hard, you just raided franco's closet. the shirt was baggier on you and the sleeve of the t-shirt went to your elbows. the best detail of your costume was the massive hickey he left on you.

he simply said about the matter, "ah well, you'll just be a fan who got lucky tonight." <3

#bunny writes #halloween bakery #reader insert #formula one imagine #formula one fanfiction #f1 x reader #f1 smut #formula one smut #formula 1 #franco colapinto x you #franco colapinto smut #franco colapinto #franco colapinto x reader #fc43 smut #fc43 x reader #fc43 imagine #fc43 #fc43 x you #halloween fic

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nekovmancer · 3 months ago

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overwatch headcanons: how they say "I love you" with Ramattra, Reaper, Reinhardt, Cassidy and Hanzo

a bit angsty and some curse words ahead, but still sfw. don’t blame me, I enjoy the suffering and since you're still reading I bet you also do

also silly little juno was SMASHED by writer’s block again, please help sending a headcanon request, but read rules first

Ramattra

doesn’t say it at all, actually

he was shaped for violence, hands carefully constructed to murder

the sentience came with grief, sorrow, rage… but love? this big fella doesn’t even love himself, to begin with

it’s hard for him to cope with affection, to learn the aspects of it, mostly the very subtle nuances of reciprocation

but it’s you, and since you came along, this foreign feeling haunts him

and when you say “I love you” first… he’s so silent you’re scared you’ve broken him with this three words alone

“How is it possible for you to love a being as myself?”

he feels the urge to say something back, but simply can’t vocalize the words he’s dying to say

you know he’s overwhelmed already, his pride contrasting his feelings, so you don’t push him too far: Ramattra shows you enough

but your words echoes in his systems for days

in one of these, he’s with you as he always do before you fall asleep, and the words just came out

“I may not have a heart, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be mine: it would be yours. It always has been.”

it’s not an explicit I love you

no, it’s much better

Reaper

you know what happens between you two must stay secretive

it’s… casual, if you can name it such

I mean, he comes to you every damn night, and most of them aren’t for sex, but for company

and the cuddles, of course

you see him past the scars, the shadows… what lies beneath it as the ghost of a man

and you love him nonetheless

despite all the danger that comes along with him being one of Talon’s counselors and a declared enemy to Overwatch

until one night, when he doesn’t show up and never let you know why

and this one night turns into tons

you’re broken, to say at least

he avoids you, not even a single stolen glance through briefings, no more missions together

you don’t know where you manage to find the courage to confront him, but somehow you do, so you’re cornering Reaper himself and demanding an answer

“Isn’t it obvious?”

well, of course: you were dumb enough to get to attached

but he steps closer, so surprisingly close you can hear a shallow breath muffled by his mask

the shadows engulf you both before you can blink, and his ghostly touch stops just inches away from your cheek

“I’ve risked too much so far… but not you, not anymore”

you know what he means, you just wish you didn’t

he departs with a last glance over his shoulder, to never look back again

if he wasn’t who he was, maybe things would be different

yet if things weren’t the same, you two wouldn’t even met

in the end, you’re left to grief in the graveyard he paths on his way away from you

Reinhardt

he’s a hero and will always be

but that doesn’t mean Reinhardt is invincible

that’s why you’re laying by his side, taking extra care to not accidentally touch the bandages covering his torso

you’re little injured from the last mission, a few scratches maybe

thanks to him, who jumped right into the moment to keep your head glued to your neck

per usual, he would be flourishing the battle tales and his epic acts, his thunderous laugh echoing through the HQ, but now?

the sadness contorting his face breaks your heart

he stares down at you, one calloused thumb tracing under the thin line of the stitches on your cheekbone

“I’ve let them hurt you”

oh… so that’s it

“If I was a second late… I hate to even think of what could've happened”

he groans, retreating his hand and looking away

if he could ever be more dearing, you would’ve exploded

you cup his face and make Reinhardt look at you once again, reassuring him you’re here, safe and sound, thanks to him

it takes a bit of convincing, but soon enough you hear one of his deep chuckles resonating in his chest and know that you’ll be just fine

“I will always be there to protect you, liebling, no matter what it takes. For I could never live in a world where there is no you by my side.”

Cassidy

he’s always flirting and teasing, so you would assume it’s all a joke

despite him throwing his arm over your shoulder and resting his head on yours every goddamn time he has a chance

and if you’re quiet and close enough, you can hear his fast heartbeats pulsing

maybe… he’s just affectionate, yeah

not that you see Cole like that with anyone else, but

you could never take him seriously, because he can never be serious for once

it’s always a wink here, a smooth darlin’ there

yet he never makes a move on you that gives you the clarity you need

so it’s it, an eternal what if

until one days he comes from a mission, all dirty and hurt

you’re surprised to see he came straightforward to you, still trying to catch his breath while holding to his injured side

but before you can drop any question, Cole smashes his lips against yours

and it feels holy

he keeps you close when you break the kiss, trying to remind yourself how to breath

his breath is so warm against your face, and that familiar scent of smoke makes your knees weak

“I fucking meant everything I’ve ever said, doll”

for the way he just kissed you, you’re now sure he does

Hanzo

Hanzo isn’t one to speak about his feelings openly

you’re actually surprised you’re now tiptoeing around some sort of serious relationship

at least, you think it’s serious since you barely leave each other’s side

it’s extremely hard for him to be vocal about his affection, though

sometimes, he would still flinch when you touch him out of blue

but he loves to run his fingers along your hair, your face…

your body is his to worship

and there’s this lazy morning, where he’s kissing your knuckles and embracing your waist…

you just feel you could melt right here, into him

until something cold circles your finger and your eyes snap open

a ring

a FUCKING ring

you stare at him in pure disbelief, eyes so wide they must pop out by any second

Hanzo shows the most loving smile you had ever seen, kissing your ring finger

that now has an actual engagement ring

“Being with you everyday is still too little time. I wish nothing but foreverness with you”

#overwatch 2 #overwatch x reader #overwatch headcanons #ramattra #ramattra x reader #hanzo #hanzo x reader #cole cassidy #cassidy x reader #reinhardt wilhelm #reinhardt x reader #gabriel reyes #overwatch reaper #reaper x reader #gabriel reyes x reader

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bookishdreamer28 · 1 year ago

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━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Mattheo opened the door slowly, trying not to make loud noises. As he walked in his room, his eyes fell on your sleeping figure peaking under the covers and he felt his body instantly relax. The reason why he has been so upset lately is because he had these really awful nightmares about you, nightmares that made him scared and had made him spend most nights staying awake, while watching over you as if he was afraid that you might actually disappear.

He took his clothes off and strolled to the bathroom. Once he was done from there, he headed to bed, wanting desperately to hold you. Once he got under the covers he gently wrapped his arm around you and brought your body against his. He leaned in to take a look at your face and when he saw the cute sleepy face of yours, he gently smiled, his heart beating rapidly at the sight of you.

He was about to lay back on his pillow, but then he felt your body stirring and he moved closer, afraid that you were having a nightmare. But then you slowly opened these gorgeous eyes of yours, and he hugged you, pressing a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Hey sweet gir" he whispered and you turned to the side, smiling beamingly at him. You wrapped your arms around him, inhaling his scent which brought you comfort and warmth.

"Is everything all right? I noticed how upsetyou seem lately" your hand cupped the side of his face and he leaned in your paml, in need to fell your skin.

Dont worry sweetheart everything's ok" he kissed your forehead and held you closer to him. In all these times, the day that haunted him the most was the fay he almost lost you. He had never utter a word about how he feels scared of losing or how these nightmares tormented his soul. He wanted you to not worry about him.

"I know you're hiding things from me Mattheo" And he knew you were about to be serious since you called him by his name.

"You need to talk to me. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide things just because you don't want me to worry about you. I'll always worry. And it's not my job. It's because I love you" you whispered and you could see how his eyes became glassy, trying to hold his tears back.

"Express yourself the way you feel and want to Mattheo. You should've known by now that I'm here for you no matter what" after that he instantly laid his head on your shoulder and you silently played with his hair.

His released a shaky breath and his hild became a bit tighter around you.

"I love you, I love you so much" you heard his voice shaking with emotion and you turned your head to kiss his head.

"I just don't ever want to lose you. In all my life, I had only known darkness. Nothing good or pure surrounded me but that changed when you came into my life. You know how dangerous it is to be with me and trust me, there were times I thought I should push you away for your own safety, but my love for you grew day by day, with every smile of yours, every laugh, every touch." he slowly sat up to look in your eyes.

His fingers traced your cheek softly as he slowly moved closer to you, pressing a kiss to your lips. The kiss was full of unsaid feelings and strong emotions, the desperation in his movements as he cradled your face to deepen ths kiss, made your stomach flip.

When you both pulled away, he laid his head back on his pillows and circled his right hand around you, bringing you close so you can rest your head on his chest. You looked up at him and said:

"I'll always be here for you love, always" you whispered and he smiled at your fondness in your voice. He kissed you once more and held you tight.

Having you right here in his arms, was the greatest gift he could ever have, especially after he experienced great loses in his life. You were everything he could've ever asked for and even though at first he didn't want to be around you because you made him feel things he had never felt before, he doesn't regret a single thing. As long you're here with him, nothing can make him live in fear anymore.

----

I've been crushing over many fictional men lately and one of them is Mattheo 🙌 I thought about writing a mix of a bit of everything, sooo I hope you enjoyed reading it ✨

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kiss-me-muchoo · 1 year ago

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𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 || 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠!𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

part one: I knew you were trouble // part two: would’ve could’ve should’ve

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_The Capitol's Dream girl was depressed. After Snow broke her heart and returned only to haunt her. It only takes an official marriage proposal on New Year's Day, an interview with Lucky Flickerman and a rebel bombing to completely break you, and make Snow realize there's a place for one last person to love for the rest of his life.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ 10k words fic ups, reader is depressed, blood, violence, angst, tears, drama, reader makes some cruel things, antidepressants, nothing wild but they have sex so mdni 18+ , Snow actually loves reader (well idk). I couldn't add anything about the games of Mags SORRY.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞_main song for this is Would've Could've Should've, song added to my Coryo Copito's playlist. Also, listen to the 1 and memory lane!!!

♪ ♫ Coryo playlist ✰ Index (+ fics here)

____________________________________

Nights were longer now. You couldn't sleep. Nightmares of the games, how you contributed. The vivid image of the first time you saw Clemensia after the snake bite. Your mind made you recreate Sejanus being hanged in District 12. And finally, your mind also made you replay every moment you had with Coriolanus Snow since you met him at 17.

You wished you never asked to sit with him at lunch. You wished you never asked to see him again.

He would've been just another classmate. If the things that happened in the 10th Hunger Games were meant to be, at least you wouldn't have been involved.

It wouldn't have hurt you enough to feel so miserable in the present.

But this was as good as it was going to get.

You weren't the best driver, but since very few people had a car, you dared to take the one your chauffeur was meant to. It distracts you from staring at the window and overthinking.

Sometimes you wonder how it would've turned out if Snow won the prize without being a mentor, just like it was planned to happen. Would you have made a stop at his place? For him to get inside your car and kiss you good morning. Then drive to the University of the Capitol? Could've been fun.

But you made your way alone. Only listening to the music that played on the radio.

And you wondered what would've happened if Arachne was alive, Sejanus too, and Clemensia was fine to take classes in person. Would they have made fun of you and Snow entering University holding hands? Could've been sweet.

But again, you were alone. It's a cloudy day at The Capitol. Your long emerald green coat gets stuck with the car door. You roll your eyes, opening the damn door once again to set free the piece of fabric.

You started wearing high heels. It made you look taller and you loved the sound every time you stepped out of your home. Your mother had launched a new collection, and she loved seeing you wearing her creations.

For the record, you haven't seen Coriolanus Snow since the day you had your first counselor appointment. That was a month ago, and it was… great.

Actually, it wasn't, but yeah…

A lot of people greeted you, but none were your friends. You see, the University isn't very different compared to the Academy. The same architecture, and familiar faces that no longer wear the red uniform. And even so, you feel like a fish out of water.

Life isn't perfect. But you weren't ready to start your young adult days feeling so out of breath.

"Y/n!…" you turn to encounter Persephone. A sweet girl from the Academy.

"Persephone. Hi…" You do your best to smile. She was a classmate from the Academy. And she never was your friend but you always thought she was so sweet.

"How have you been? You're all over the news" For the first time in weeks you giggle, feeling a little blushed. The feeling of someone asking you how you were doing felt so good.

"I've had better days. But here we are… And you?" She tilts her head.

"I visited my grandma's lake house in District 4. It was so good. I heard you're in the science and law program" you nod. You also knew Persephone was on the law program.

"Yeah, you're in law too…."

"Is Coriolanus going to be there too?" You stop smiling.

In fact, you weren't sure. But probably he would also be in law. Tigris once said he wanted to pursue politics.

"I'm not sure… We-…we don't talk anymore" she gasped in shock.

"What? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were…"

"No. But it's fine. He must be doing great…" you cut her off before she can ask more questions.

Your first class was okay. Until Snow walked in, wearing a perfect dark blue suit. His silly hair looked slightly longer than the last time you saw him, but still, nothing compared to his messy hair from months ago. You pretend you didn't see him, opting to keep writing something in your journal. But he had to stop beside you. There are some minutes of silence, but nothing would make you turn to knowledge of his presence.

"Can I sit with you?" His voice is colder again. You can notice through a little glimpse of a white rose decorating his suit. But you keep your eyes set on the page in front of you.

And you know you won't fail again.

"No."

He can feel the venom in your voice.

"I'm sitting here." He says after all.

You really don't have time to tear up on the first day of University. You want to stand up and leave, but you're so mature that you won't say anything else.

At least, for the rest of the class, he doesn't say anything else, but you know he occasionally turns to see you.

"Is it gonna be like this forever?" He asks when it's over. You dare to see him in the eyes, enchanting blue as always. But the young man in front of you isn't the boy you met. And yet, he still made your heart beat like he was the same who was once your lover.

"I don't have time for this. Have a nice day, Snow'' he looks as you leave the classroom. His hands shook, and that feeling of guilt assaulted him once again. You are the proof alive of all the pain he caused. So he needs to have you back on his side, so he can feel some humanity remaining in him after all the things he did months ago. Because he knows there's no good left on him, but he can't get rid of you like he did with Sejanus, Highbottom… and Lucy Gray.

You were meant for him. But he was so infatuated with the other girl. And Snow was aware that you deserve the best. You were his ally since day one. So having you by his side again… would seal his imaginary pact.

He looks at you and sees the girl that gave him the chance of his life. He promised his grandma'am you would be the girl he would give a home and a family.

But now, every time he asked Tigris how you were, she avoided giving details. grandma'am was growing suspicious that things weren't going great. Tigris had been a lot of times on your house and mother's shows. Your father would ask for Coriolanus but he didn't know all the things the young man did to his daughter.

So Tigris would say he was still serving as a peacekeeper. And you, you would say you haven't talked a lot with him.

Not anymore. Coriolanus would try every day. As he denied he loved you, he pretended he needed you as you were the one. Just that.

…

"Y/n y/l/n." Suddenly a peacekeeper comes to you.

"Yes?" You ask politely.

"Dr. Gaul demands your presence in her laboratory" you sigh. Of course, she would be the first to ask to see you.

It was the same laboratory. Only that now was near. The way to get there was slow, even peaceful. Maybe because the day was almost over.

The first thing you notice is how many empty water tanks are scattered.

"There you are, Ms. Y/l/n" she appears from the crystal stairs at the end of the room. Wearing a yellow set that made her eyes more bright. Her hair is the same. Looking as evil and cynic as always.

"Dr. Gaul" you greet. Stopping some feet away from her.

"A school new year means new planning ahead" You nod. Already hearing what she was about to say. Well, not entirely.

"The last games were a mess. Between the rebels and Mr. Snow's bright decisions. Our central ideas couldn't be fulfilled. However, I decided to give him another chance, there's so much potential in that boy" You don't know how to feel about that. So you just remain quiet.

"Speaking of the devil…" when you turned back, Snow was walking towards you and the woman near you. Immediately you avoided his eyes, knowing he was probably looking at your dress. The coat was long gone, leaving a soft and accentuating pink dress with long sleeves.

He knew it was inappropriate. But ever since he gained your trust and his feelings of attachment to you, he had a long time to accept he had a thing for your hips. The dress was extremely simple but looked elegant with some bright exotic earrings, and it was your body that created the most attractive shape he'd ever seen.

And soon, his view of you became sided.

"I believe I don't need to remind you of your actions from the last games, Mr. Snow," the woman said.

"It won't happen again." He answered with confidence.

"I know it won't happen again," Gaul says laughing. Making you wonder how much time she had been trying to get into the position she was now.

"This year, let's say you'll be under probation, Mr.Snow. On the other hand, Ms. y/l/n. Another year and another success from you" his eyes were on you again. Turned to his left without shame. And that's when Snow remembered since he came back from District 12 how smart you were. Without saying anything, even avoiding it, you knew he had cheated on the games. And probably, without talking to him anymore, you knew he wasn't a good man.

Only that…slowly, you were also turning into a bad woman.

"Those water creatures are fully developed. They're nothing compared to the snakes from last year. This new invention has marked a new era for us…" To be honest, you don't know how to feel about it. Everything related to the games made you remember your dear friend Sejanus Plinth. He would've hated this creation from you. But on the bright side, this was your future. These were the constant obstacles you would have if you were to achieve success.

"Dr. Gaul. An emergency message has been sent to y/n y/l/n" Immediately you turned confused looking at a new peacekeeper. When you look at your mentor, she nods, indicating to you that you're allowed to leave.

"Excuse me." As you walk away, another peacekeeper has a cable phone. One of the newest wireless ones. Red and shiny, silently beeping. You can hear Snow asking Dr. Gaul something, but the sound of your heels is loud enough to make it difficult to understand as you reach the phone

The peacekeeper hands the cable phone. You pick up, feeling your heart pounding.

"Hello?" The low breathing of your mother can be heard.

"Darling! Something bad happened…"

"What?" You ask. And you don't know but Snow is trying so hard to listen to your conversation.

"Our mines in District 12. Your father made a little trip there with some friends. The people caused a revolt. They bombed the mines." You frown, in shock. Already feeling anger building up in your chest.

"Is pa' okay?" She sighs, which stresses you more.

"Some burns. The peacekeepers saved him on time" Snow listens to Gaul but he literally has an ear on you and the other in the mentor.

"Is it too bad? Like… putting our wealth in danger?" You whisper the last sentence. Your mother is a proud woman. But in the privacy of her family, she allowed herself to be vulnerable.

"I don't know, darling. We still have the mines in District 1. But the ones on the 12 represented greater materials" There's no time to cry and you know it.

So after some soothing words to your mother, you hang up. And you're not thinking clearly. You just know you're angry, and convinced someone had to pay. If you started disliking District 12 after the last games, now it was getting personal.

When you go back to stand beside Snow. You hear Gaul explaining to him how most of the lessons would go. But as soon as she turns back to you, there's an idea that leaves your mouth before you can breathe or blink.

"I was about to say that we should change the arena of the games. Each year it should change, like the seasons. Wasting the opportunity to use the water mutts sounds like a waste of potential for the views. If we still want a spectacle like the one from last year." The woman analyses your words. And after some seconds of silence, she speaks.

At the same time, Snow can't comprehend how poisonous you sound. He knew the call enraged you, it must've been bad.

"Then I'll ask you to find some suggestions for the arena"

"And… I have some ideas for this year Reaping" the woman's evil smile grows. She knows she's turning two young adults into monsters.

"I can't wait till Summer of next year" Gaul giggles, then lets you go, commenting that the next day the actual lessons would begin.

You sigh once she leaves. Finally acknowledging what you just did. Dooming a bunch of kids to fight for their lives with those water monsters. You remember Sejanus. The way he screamed in anger when his tribute was punished for trying to escape.

You're also a monster.

Snow turns to your side, looking as if you have just been cut with something, and he's searching for the wound.

"Are you okay? What happened?" he asks worriedly, caressing your forearm.

"Your beloved district 12. That's what happened." You spit with venom, squirming away from him.

Your harshness takes all over the place as you move away from him.

…

It's New Year's Day. A bright morning, and you already have your first guest. Clemensia Dovecote.

She still wears turtlenecks. But the gloves are gone. You can't stop smiling after seeing her smile and laugh as she drinks tea on your patio.

"I can't believe it worked, y/n," she says changing the subject. The first dose you gave her was after the games, in late summer. And now, at the peak of winter, Clemensia looked amazing. The cracked and raspy yellowish skin she had, the bright yellow eyes that contrasted her dark brown irises, all of that was mostly gone.

"To be honest, me neither…" you admit smiling proudly. Her skin looked slightly covered in scales, but the texture was soft. Like a snake that shines with a new layer of skin. Her eyes were still a little yellow, but the white was coming back.

"How did you come up with it? The treatment and everything?" you gulp nervously, sipping at your tea. If you opened your mouth, there would be no turning back.

Clemmie knew Snow had cheated, she swore to keep quiet about it. She knew about his exile. But she didn't know everything.

Then you thought you owed nothing to Snow. He owed you a lot, and yet, the way he paid was… cruel.

The only thing you were not in your right to share was about… the boy he killed. And as you'd never know he killed many more, Clemmie wouldn't either.

"He chose her. The songbird" Clemensia's eyes widened, she left the cookie she was about to eat.

"No…" you nod, confirming your words.

"Yes. During the games… he sacrificed everything for her. When I confronted him, he said nothing. After he was exiled, he committed a bribe to ensure his service as a peacekeeper on the 12" you spit with hate. The pride you carried each day, had a big crack thanks to that man, and like broken porcelain, it would never be healed.

"But he only had eyes for you… The Christmas after you arrived here, I asked him out and he said he had eyes on someone else. I can't believe him…" you giggle, rolling your eyes.

"He only had eyes for my money and father's position. He had the chance to win the prize and got obsessed with winning something by himself. The girl was just the cherry on top" You quickly added more as you were about to reveal he was… poor. Not because of him, but for Tigris and her grandmother. Tigris would lose her job and your mother would likely turn her down. So no, you weren't as bad as Snow yet.

"After he left. I realized how much he traced the scar on my face. I simply started hating it. And sooner I dreamed I had it gone. So I thought… Why can't I make something for my dear Clemensia and myself at the same time?" The black haired inspected your face.

"Your scar…" she remembered your face back then. The long pink line across your face. Clemensia did once see Snow caressing your face, his thumb traced the line across your nose until it landed on your lips.

Not it was just a memory as your scar. It was gone. Your face is clean, shiny, and perfect. Too bad that just your face was able to get rid of the touch of Snow.

You can't tell her he asked you to marry him. That was embarrassing enough to say it out loud.

"That's now the boy I knew. He had always been a little cold but… he was good. Now… I just can't stand what he did to you. And while I'll thank you for the rest of my life, you helped with my condition. I will ever feel sorry that you came up with it from such pain" Maybe before the bite, Clemmie was a little narcissistic. And her ambition led her to lie and get bitten. But now, she was all about being thankful and seeking peace everywhere.

"It's okay, Clemmie. Even after all, with Sejanus gone, all of what happened last summer… I'm happy that I have you" she smiles, offering you a big hug.

"Yeah, you won't get rid of me next year" She was officially coming back to class at the University after the winter break was over. Now Snow wouldn't be able to sit next to you.

"I won't mind…" Suddenly your mother comes out from one of the many balconies of your house.

"Girls! The stylist is here!" She lets you and Clemmie know.

This year, the annual New Year's Day will be at your house. The patio where you had breakfast and tea with your friend was already decorated with long tables. Porcelain plates are perfectly accommodated with wine velvet bows decorating them.

Clemensia's father talks with you about the revolt in District 12 and the burns he got. After that… more peacekeepers were sent. And slowly… the whole territory was becoming marginalized.

You ignore it, you only have eyes for the dress writing you on the other side.

When you open the door of your room, there it is.

A golden dress. Shinny and full of sequined beats. With metallic gold puffy fabric resting on your lower half back and ending around your wrists. Bare shoulders style.

You feel bad for not asking Tigris to style you, but she was already busy.

"I... I can't believe this…" you gasp, touching the elegant fabric of the dress. Clemmie can't stop saying how beautiful the dress is.

"With red lipstick and burnt pink eyeshadows… it'll look fantastic," the stylist says to your mother, already visualizing the look.

…

The patio is full of people. Elegant bonfires make everyone warm. Most of the guests look at your dress as you greet them. The last guests were Tigris and her grandmother, you placed them both in a table full of fashion contacts of your mother.

Clemmie is talking with Festus, Persephone, and other classmates.

Everything goes well until you set your eyes on the garden's entrance and you spot Snow entering.

Your eyebrows immediately frown. The night had been peaceful. And ever since winter break started, you haven't heard of him.

Why did he have to come? Was it for his grandmother?. Doesn't matter, you don't want him in your house.

He spots you and knows you just turned angry. You grab him by the arm and pull him away.

"What are you doing here?" You ask annoyed.

"You invited Tigris and Grandma'am" he shrugs.

"Yes. Tigris and Grandma'am. Not Tigris, Grandma'am, and Coriolanus" For the first time in months, you say his name.

"I have to talk to your father," he admits. You are confused, but he won't say anything yet.

"You look lovely tonight" You ignore the praise in his voice. But he genuinely believes you look astronomically beautiful. Snow was trying to act confident, but deep down he was nervous.

And it worsened when your dad interfered.

"Coriolanus. I'm glad you made it on time. Just an hour away till the countdown" you turn to see your father, offering him a glass of champagne. Neither of you should be drinking yet. But the elite of The Capitol was allowed to break the rules a little.

"No, of course I couldn't. I was just saying how gorgeous y/n looks tonight" your father smiles. You knew your father was believing Snow, that he was a gentleman.

"My one and only child. Perfect as always…" your father answers, putting his arm around your shoulders.

"I would like to discuss something with you. In private…" your heart beats faster.

"Be my guest, boy…" he tells him to enter the party. And as they leave you feel nauseous.

…

There are twenty minutes left till New Year's Day. Your father hasn't come out with Coriolanus yet. You nervously want to chew your nails. But you do your best for Clemmie. It was her first public appearance since the summer.

You had been trained to satisfy The Capitol's expectations since you were a kid. You knew what you could and couldn't do.

But none had prepared you to hide your shock.

"Dear guests. Family and friends. I would like to give an announcement" Your father appears, the sound of the glass capturing everyone's attention.

"With a new year around the corner, changes are too."

It couldn't…

Snow walked through the tables, towards you.

No, no, no, no.

"It is my pleasure to announce the engagement between Coriolanus Snow and my only daughter, y/n"

You swear you can't breathe.

You don't see Clemmie's face of horror. Tigris is highly confused. Grandma'am at the verge of tears.

"For my darling and her fiancé. Whom I wish eternal luck and happiness" your father finishes the toast.

Snow is beside you, he's not happy either. But he is the first one to start acting for the sudden flashes and cheering.

"How couldn't you tell me you wanted to get married, dear?" Your father asks, being the first person to hug you.

Your shock is so big that you don't even remember smiling for the pictures. You don't remember feeling his hand around your shoulders. You don't remember bursting into the house.

Snow follows you. It's empty, everyone is cheering because the countdown is about to start.

He calls your name. But you don't listen. He follows you through the kitchen and living room.

"WHAT?" You explode before being able to go upstairs.

You see his desperate eyes.

"I didn't know your father was going to announce it that way." He notices your face is red from anger.

"Listen to me, Coriolanus Snow. NO MAN will come and take away the pride of the woman I am." You scream in his face. You won't go quiet like the first time.

"YOU WERE NOTHING!. YOU OWE ME YOUR LUCK!" Snow can only fix his eyes on the sequins of your dress. He had never seen you screaming like that. And nobody would hear anyway.

"If this was your way to make me surrender and get me back. You're so wrong. Because you are going to be in debt with me for the rest of your life. Unless you want a rebel wife like it was your beloved Lucy Gray Baird." His eyes widened at your sudden attack. He has to process every word, every disgusted face you are making. He hadn’t thought about the songbird in many days. Hearing her names sent chills to his spine.

"I wanted this to be different. I had to "You hate him. You can't stand seeing him in his perfect grey suit, his perfect hair and eyes. You really hate him.

"YOU HAD NOTHING!. IF YOU WERE GONNA HUMILIATE ME LIKE THAT, YOU HAD TO GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG TO MARRY ME!" Whisking away, he grabs your hand, and when you turn, you find him on his knees.

"Please…" you feel he placed the ring in your hand. And it's too much.

You slap him. And then run away to your room.

As you lock the door, you throw the ring. And when tears start streaming down like a waterfall, you hear the first fireworks.

There's a bottle of pills in your vanity. The treatment for your low mood. You only need it once in a day. But you take two hoping it would knock you out and make you forget about the night.

It's officially a new year.

…

Three weeks later, Lucky Flickerman is interviewing you and Snow in his late-night show. You can't stand how Snow is caressing your hand. The way he slightly giggles and smiles at you, whenever there is a silly question.

You only do this because nobody knows the truth. Just Clemensia and Tigris.

"Sources tell us that it'll be a spring wedding. Is that right, y/n?" The man asks. You sigh, smiling.

'We're not sure yet, Lucky. There are so many details. Especially with my dress. But my man here is patiently waiting" the interviewer laughs, throwing a sarcastic comment about the dress.

"And what about kids? Is a baby on the plans?" Immediately, both of you blush.

"Yes. We want to have kids one day" Snow hurries to answer. You want to laugh.

He would be a terrible father. Some days ago, he was at your house for a family gathering and while he liked seeing you with your baby cousins, he knew he wasn't good with them. He didn't know how to play or make them laugh. But he had to make everyone believe he was a man of family and marriage. Even when both of you were still nineteen.

"Oh. Well, you're still young. There's plenty of time, pair of lovebirds" You make the strength to turn and smile at Snow. He returns you the smile.

And he wants to believe it's an honest reaction from you. He really hates that everything happened this way. He wanted to wait personally and privately ask you to marry him again. Not like this.

"Y/n… How did you know Coriolanus was the one?" It takes you aback. You can't lie. There's a truth.

"When I met him, he made me feel comfortable. He was so sweet and he trusted me. He made it hard for me not to love him. He has these gorgeous ocean eyes, that every time I see him I get lost in them. It reminds me of the kind boy I met some time ago…" Everyone feels emotional. Coriolanus is aware of the real meaning behind your words, and he can't help but honestly smile. He knows he realized it, but he couldn't bring himself to admit it.

"These ladies and gentlemen… is a couple in love!" Lucky laughs and points at you and Snow excited. And he says that he'll be back with the broadcast for the weather, he thanks you and your fiancé for being there.

"Take care, guys. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding!, I'll get some people inside to bring the news anyways…"

And finally, both of you are behind the set. You don't even glance at Snow. But he hurries to stop you, interfering in your way.

"I'm sorry. For everything…" you cross your arms.

"No. You hate me. That's why you keep doing this to me…"

Your assistant appears handing you a glass of water and a little plate of something Snow can't see.

"Here's some water and your antidepressants, miss" You blush and ignore the way your fiancé is looking.

As you walk away, Coriolanus only feels worse.

…

You stare at the public library. Now closed just for your wedding happening in a couple of hours.

There are white roses everywhere. Petition of your mother to commemorate Snow and his family. You hated it.

It ended up being a spring wedding. But a very cold one. By early June, summer would start. And for now, snowflakes still fell upon The Capitol.

"The dress is ready…" Tigris says, appearing on your side. She sees how you stare at the whole place with dismay.

"How could this happen?" She asks, wondering.

"My younger self would've loved this day. But now… is different" You didn't want to insult her cousin.

"His younger self would've also loved this" Tigris remembered how enchanted was Coriolanus for you. Saying that he made a rich friend who was so sweet. Soon he admitted you were gorgeous and delicate. Now forgetting to mention you only when Grandma'am asked.

"He's trying to get you back," Tigris adds. And you question it.

Ever since the engagement. He always reached for you. Asking how you were. The kisses on the cheek to greet you. Felt honest. But you doubted you would ever forgive him. Even if you ended up having his children someday…

"I know it won't change anything. But I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this…" the young woman lamented. After you confessed most of the things Snow did to you, she added that to her list. And slowly, Tigris had slightly brushed aside her cousin.

"I didn't. But what's pissing me off is the wedding night" Tigris coughed awkwardly. And you rolled your eyes.

"No, Tigris. It's not about the sex. It's about me having to leave my house forever. I refuse…" She relaxed.

Honestly, you hadn't thought about sex. You knew it would happen anytime after marrying. But you wouldn't give Snow the satisfaction to even give hints.

At least, your father suggested Snow temporarily move in with you in your room since his new penthouse would be only for Tigris and grandmother. He would sleep in your tub.

"It's a great place for a honeymoon. Capitol's north is full of mountains, fancy restaurants, and actual snow" Somehow, you laugh.

"Fitting for my new legal name" Tigris joins you and laughs, hugging you tightly.

You stare at the flowers, and the hundreds of seats, and you aren't ready. But there's a smile on your face. Because at that point you don't even care.

…

Coriolanus was alone. He thinks Sejanus could've been there. Annoying and smiley as always, but he would've been the best man. Chosen by him because there wasn't another option. But it's only him. Staring at his mother's ring.

Pure gold, a medium size rectangle-shaped diamond. Shining ridiculously in white and small rainbows.

You look just like your father on his wedding day.

Your mother was so happy. Spinning and laughing as your father danced with her.

Remember. As you take a wife, you are choosing a life partner. You have to remember every morning why you chose her. You have to respect and protect her. Give her a home, a warm place to grow old together.

Y/n is the perfect woman for you. She's so lucky to have you, my boy.

All of those things, Grandma'am had said to him as she handed the ring.

And now sitting alone in a room. Suit ready, in black, and very little gold details in the white shirt under. Tigris said it was going to match your dress.

Your father actually loved your mother, Coriolanus. Treat her right. That is the least you could do…

She knew. Tigris had to know everything.

Coriolanus wondered how you would look. A princess-style dress? Maybe velvet? And he imagined your face.

That's when he can't take it anymore. He cries. Because everything was going to be a lie. He cries because it could've been true. If only he had made better decisions. If only you weren't so smart that you discovered him.

He's a broken man.

But he grips the ring on his palm. Wiping the tears and deciding that he's never going to fail you again. As he knew you had never failed him. And even when you hated him, neither you would.

…

There are three mirrors. Your hands trace the shiny beats of your dress. From the strips to your breasts, to your waist and hips. The end was full of them. Combining gold, and even dark brown or grey. It was simple, slightly sheer. But extremely elegant. Made with crystals from your family's mines. Representative of your native District 1. Your hair is down, perfectly cut in that shag haircut you had when you were a teen. It fits perfectly with your veil. Also covered in tiny pieces of crystals that cover your head, to the tail of the dress.

You looked like a Capitol's bride.

And for some reason, you can't find the tears. It's just you staring at the mirrors. Accepting your doomed life.

As you open the door, you know there are already tears on everyone but you.

Clemensia, Persephone, your mother, and Tigris sob and look at you in shock.

"Oh my god, my baby. You look perfect!" Your mother cries, caressing your cheeks and sobbing. You smile at her, just that.

They keep talking about the dress when you hear a knock followed by the door of the room opening.

"Is there any time for this old woman to see the bride?" Tigris smiles at her grandmother, inviting her to join.

"There's only ten minutes left. Everyone hurry!" Your mother says. They exaggerate, only Tigris gives you one last retouch, and hands you the bouquet. With white roses and some lilies scattered.

She kisses your cheek and smiles deeply.

"It's gonna be fine. I swear…" and with that, she leaves.

Grandma'am only looks at you with love. She always liked you for his grandson. And she believed love floated around you two. For the record, she said it two weeks ago in a rehearsal you had.

"I knew it from the first day my little Coriolanus came home rambling about you" she smiles.

"And from that day, it always had been you, my dear. Even today… always saying you are the love of his life" Your eyes water. Coriolanus wouldn't lie to his grandma about something like that. He could lie about killing someone but not about something he knew would make her happy.

"He did?" You ask as she takes your hand.

"Of course. I know I'm old, and I can't tell he has committed some errors. But I know those blue always are so in love with you, my child" That couldn't be.

"Do you love him?" You won't cry. But you're fighting the lump in your throat.

"I do. Ever since the first day…" you admit.

Maybe you would always resent the man you were going to marry. But you would always love the memory of the boy you once had.

"Promise me you will make him happy, dear. He has so little when we lost everything once. Take care of him. Give him a family, that's all I ask" You can't say no to her. You just can't.

"I promise." She hugs you. And you swallow the lump, looking at the door.

…

The moment had arrived. The doors opened, the music started and everyone turned back to see you entering by the hand of your father.

Sounds of shock, admiring, and more are very low but noticeable.

For Coriolanus, it's only you. Your hair was like when you met him. The dress is so perfect. Your makeup too. And he promises to keep the image of you in his mind for the rest of his life.

He genuinely smiles. And you are feeling so confused. Could his grandmother have been telling the truth?

Coriolanus actually loved you? The way he had been smiling and treating you for the past months. Had he really been feeling sorry?

Would you forgive him if that was the case?

You can't tell because your father has dropped you at the altar.

You didn't even feel his kiss on the head and promised good luck.

You just feel Snow taking your hand. It's warm, even soft for his calloused hands.

And you can't turn to see him.

There are many people taking pictures of you and him.

Everyone loved the Capitol's Dream Girl and her handsome wealthy fiancé ever since the engagement.

When you last expected it, you are officially Mrs. Snow.

"You may kiss the bride…" you know he's doubting. But there's no time, so you stand on your tiptoes to kiss him.

It takes him aback, but soon, his hands find that damn spot, in your hips. And it doesn't feel wrong, for some reason.

You just see him and you realize he's your man now.

Neither of you can understand the emotions flowing at the moment. You like seeing him smiling at you like that, but you also feel sad. And he loves the way you look, he feels so attached to you.

In other words, both feel like it was real. But both knew the truth.

You don't dare to eye any of your family or friends as you leave by the hand of your now husband.

…

The reception was just as big as the ceremony. With the most elegant music, food of all kinds, and a varied menu.

Your husband has chosen to give the option of fish florentine, mentioning to you that his uncle used to get the best food from District 4 before the war.

For you, it was fried steak with three types of cheese and coated with mushroom cream.

There's a picture for everyone. You and Snow enter the party. Your father says a little speech about how much of a great marriage you would have.

You dance with your baby cousins. Lucky Flickerman was able to ask about your dress and possible honeymoon location.

You ignore your husband for the rest of the night. Only when the cake has to be sliced. It's a 5 layer cake, covered in white and very little baby pink roses. Snow and you agreed to make it white chocolate with raspberries and cream.

He cleans some cream from your cheek, and before you can even think about it, you laugh.

He danced with you but you only decided to hear his heartbeats, instead of seeing him. It made you understand that lonely days were over. But at what cost?

…

That night, you are already seeing the mountains and green woods covered in white at the top. You sigh, looking at the metallic silk nightgown. You didn't want the traditional white or pink silk gown. This was short, offered some cleavage, it shined in orange and pink tones when it was supposed to be lavender.

During the whole hour trip to the residence of the honeymoon, you didn't say anything to him.

When you come out of the bathroom, he's sitting at the edge of the bed. A dark grey robe on him and you wonder if he was naked too.

Ignoring him, you go to the giant vanity in front of the bed.

You try to focus on the plenty of assignments you'll have after the honeymoon. With less than three months before the next games, your water mutts had already killed a person. Gaul only laughed and insisted on you to feed the beasts with the corpse.

Little did everyone know that on the Reaping day, District 12 people would receive a tiny stain of liquid Mercury on their ballot. Within months of inhaling that thing, they would be sick. It was your revenge for the revolt in the mines that almost killed your father.

But for now, you can only feel his eyes on you. Like the first day of school. You know he wants to touch you. He wants to claim you as his wife. But he doesn't have the right.

So he stays seated, hoping you will make the first move.

Ignoring the way your heart beats, wanting to feel something. Your heart was blind, thinking you could make love with Coriolanus.

Once you have finished with your facial cream. You turn off the light. Only the balcony offered some glimpses.

You step between his legs, hands on his shoulders. The smell of tobacco leaf and vanilla bean perfume hits him, making him gulp. Unsure whether to touch you or not.

"Wait, y/n… Are you-… Are you sure?" He asks, unsure of what is happening. He kind of thanked you for turning off the lights. That way you couldn't see how blushed he was. After all, this was going to be his first time. After actual years of desiring you, he gets to have you for the rest of his life.

Then you lean, inches away from his lips.

" I don't want to hear you" and you don't say more, neither does he. In the darkness, he finds your lips and there's plenty of time to kiss you slowly. With wet sounds, your hands fly to his hair. Making him moan for the first time. It shouldn't be turning you on. But it is, so you slightly move your head, and maybe he understood, 'cause he started kissing your jaw, soon your neck.

He feels you pulling out the nightgown, and it's making him so fucking hard.

You kiss him again and he's free to wander across your naked body. Now his…

It's his first time, just like it is yours. So when he tries to touch you past your lower belly, you guide him.

Softly making him slide his fingers across your wet folds. You moan and he thinks it's the most erotic thing he's ever heard in his life. He knows you are skilled even when it's also your first time. He knows because of your timing, the way you swayed your hips any time you walked, and the way you balanced touching him and moaning at the same time.

Before you, he rarely touched himself or thought about sex. But soon after kissing you for the first time, he would hate himself for thinking how you would look underneath the Academy uniform.

And now, there you were, naked, taking his virginity as you slowly rode him. You swear he has to be big enough to be able to feel him and his details inside you. The pacing was so soft yet hard. Soft because of your slick, hard because of the pleasure.

All you could hear was his sighs, but the stars of the night were your moans and little yelps for him. No words exchanged, just the sound of your desire and his response.

And when you start going faster, holding onto him as if your life depended on it, he was over the edge to say it. But he couldn't.

Your first time should've been with him on top. Tigris said it was traditional. But he let you take the lead, and it was turning out better. You even let him paint your walls with his cum. You let him kiss and suck your nipples as he felt the last spasms of his climax, prolonged by the way you squeezed him.

Even with the silence, both of you knew. It was the hardest and best orgasm of your life.

…

At the outsides of The Capitol, there's an office. All University students needed to submit their petition to graduate two years prior to the ceremony. Gaul demanded you and Snow to go as soon as you returned from the honeymoon.

Now, two months married, you feel slightly lighter. You talked a little bit more with him. Breakfasts were quiet but peaceful. At the University he always tried to protect you.

The news was all about the wedding. Saying it was the event that officially marked the end of the war. People loved you and encouraged your husband to pursue a political party to start campaigns, hoping to win the presidency. As for you, rumors had spread that you were going to be the next game maker of Panem. Evenings were to study and go for some walks. And most of the nights you repeated the same formula. Ending up tangled in your bed with the darkness reigning.

You couldn't help but wonder if something had changed.

Coriolanus Snow was still cold, serious, a man of few but harsh words. But to you, he seemed warm. Like if fucking him had made him switch and now he was eating out from the palm of your hand.

Still, you still felt like the past was haunting you. With memories of the last games and the moment you lost your lovely blonde guy.

"It's done," Snow says coming out of a private office. The green tiles stop being attractive to your eye, making you blink twice to stare at your husband.

He's yours, just like you wanted. With his perfect eyes, perfect smile, hair, body, and dream life.

You sigh with relief. He had insisted on submitting both papers to soothe you from stress.

"We are likely to receive a letter next year. The woman said it was basically approved for us…" you nod. He offers you a sweet smile, that you can't help but reply.

He offers you his arm to take, ready to leave the office.

Lately, Coriolanus has been worried for you. The antidepressant treatment was over, but you were under pressure because you had created the arena and strategies for the 11th Hunger Games. People debated your capacity and ideals. And he knew that would stress you.

He was patiently trying to make you feel comfortable on his side. To make you feel again like you said in the interview with Flickerman.

"Thank you." You say to him.

"Of course."

After taking the elevator, you two are ready to walk out. Until there's a loud explosion near. You exchange looks with your husband, and as he squeezes your hand tighter, what feels like another explosion makes you and Snow fly away.

When he opens his eyes, the building is literally on fire. He reacts quickly, realizing there has been another bombing.

He's okay, just his neck hurts, but there's no blood. It's you who's worrying him a lot.

He calls your name but you don't respond.

Through the ashes and hazes of dust, he looks out for you.

A few feet away, you are coughing, lying on the ground.

He runs and kneels beside you.

"Y/n, please. Can you hear me?" You nod slowly, barely moving.

"I-can't breathe…" Snow sees how your nose bleeds and there are some glasses making your arm shake a little. The sleeve of your cardigan is drenched in blood.

He panics and goes into a full panic attack. Not even when he was in the arena and got hurt. He truly feared losing you.

"I'm taking you out of here" he looks around and notices there's no one around.

He carries you, doing his best to run out of the increasing fire.

"I don't want to die, Coriolanus" you gasp, trying to breathe. He looks down at you, now looking at the dirt in your face.

"You won't die, love. Just calm down and breathe" In fact he knows you could die. But he refuses to accept it as he finds the exit of the building.

There's chaos on the streets.

And in the middle of the disaster, he starts asking for help.

"Please… I need an ambulance for my wife!" He pleads to some people who seem to be helping a group of kids.

A woman listens and calls for a man.

"Help is coming, y/n. Do not close your eyes" The rush in him impeded him from crying. Because he was so freaked out.

"Mr. Snow, I'm a doctor. I'll help your wife get into a hospital" A middle-aged man gets closer, inspecting your face. You can't hear anything. Your eyes close by themselves, and you still feel so out of breath.

It's the sound of the ambulance that works as a lullaby and makes you pass out.

…

It's uncertain. But reliable sources said it was a direct target from rebel allies, a direct target to you. Because the next game maker needed to be erased from Panem before she could even start. Snow is shockingly angered. And he adds another point to his hate for rebellion.

"I won't quit." You affirm from the hospital bed. Your mother frowns.

"I don't think you're understanding the seriousness of this situation, y/n" she suggests, to which your father also nods.

The door opens and Coriolanus enters, hurried to inspect you.

"Are you Okay? The doctor said it wasn't that bad but-" you smile, caressing his shoulder.

"I'm fine. Just inhaled too much smoke. And my arm, but that's it" You show him your left arm covered in gazes.

He kisses your forehead.

"I was so afraid," he whispers in your ear.

And maybe it was all about your emotions after the shocking day. But you finally feel it. You love him. And the way he had acted since the engagement made you believe he could possibly feel the same. But you aren't sure.

"I won't quit. That would only give the rebels a point. I will make this games memorable. And nobody in Panem will ever question my methods" Your words shouldn't have made your husband proud. But it does.

"You're so right, dear," he says, making you smile nervously.

…

You are allowed to leave the hospital that night. And the whole ride, you have to fight the tears. You can't take it anymore.

As soon as you get inside your room. Coriolanus starts running the tub to clean you up.

You get on your knees. Your throat already feels as if you were choking. He spots you on your carpet, looking so vague and lost.

"Please, Coriolanus." He's watching you carefully. And by your face, he feels you are about to say something from the bottom of your heart.

"What? Are you in pain?" He asks scared, kneeling in front of you. You don't answer and that terrifies him. Until you do.

"Tell me you are in love with me. Just once, doesn't matter if you never say it again for the rest of my life. If you mean it, say you love me." Tears start flowing, your face turns red, and Coriolanus can't help but feel vulnerable by seeing like that.

"Because if you say you only insisted on marrying me because of the money, and my father's position… I'm gonna hate you till the day I die. For all you did to me and everything that could've been" he has to close his eyes. To not see you as a tear falls without a warning from his left eye. He has to decide. Is he going to break his promise? He said he couldn't love anyone again. But you weren't new. You were the first. She was the last.

Coriolanus wished to be your boyfriend soon after meeting you. And from waiting for the right moment to ask, he ended up ruining everything for his ambition. From believing she was different, that she was worth it. Ignoring all the pain he caused to you.

And until that moment he realized he had almost obligated you to marry him.

He already had what he wanted. The money and his power were growing, and he had the girl.

Crying on her knees in front of him. Asking him to end her pain. Just by loving her after all the pain he caused her.

Slowly, he reaches for your face. Your sobs became almost silent. Your heart was beating so fast. And if Coriolanus didn't speak now, you would end up having a second mental breakdown.

But he caressed your cheeks. And he traced your face. Where your scar should've been. New waves of tears fall as you feel what he's doing. Only making shut your eyes harder.

"Look at me, y/n" you can't. You're not ready to hear him saying he used you once again.

"I can't." You whisper, sobbing. He decided then to grab you by the waist. Being so gentle, made you feel like two years ago when he was still your lover.

He placed you carefully on the bed. Making you hide your face against the pillows, ruining the white satin with your makeup.

He doesn't care. He just wants to be honest. Real. He's still young. Coriolanus knows he can't live the rest of his life married to you, making you believe he never loved you.

Only you would be able to see who he really was. Even if he ended up having children with you someday. He would never love them like you.

He could be cold and his decisions would be considered cruel. But the only person on earth that would judge him was going to be you.

"Please look at me, y/n" he caresses your cheek, smiling softly. Slowly, you sit, facing him finally.

You can see your old and sweet Coriolanus with the smile he's giving you. And it only makes you cry and cry again.

"I love you."

You stop. Hiccuping, you look perplexed at him.

He's still smiling.

You know he killed two people, probably three.

You'd never know he sent Sejanus to be hanged.

You know he's not the best person.

You'd never know he had a letter he was going to send to you before going to District 12.

You know he caused you so much pain.

And yet you thought you'd never hear him saying those three words.

"I made you suffer. I ruined everything. You know what I did just by looking at my eyes. How can we love each other after all?" You shrug. Trying to control yourself and answer him properly.

"Maybe because we never got the chance to make it real." He chuckles, taking your hand.

"You know I also did cruel things this year." He nodded, having no right to judge you. He wondered if you did all of that from rage, for everything that happened.

"And I still believe you deserve the world, Capitol's dream girl…" he makes you laugh. Out of embarrassment from the silly nickname Flickerman gave you.

"My father was a bad man, and yet, he always treated my mom right. I can't promise I'll be perfect, but I will never hurt you again" You brush his hair. Dishevelling it in the process, making him look like a year ago.

"Promise me. Just you and I, getting each other's back" he says. And you know you'll go to hell for being with him. But he was the love of your life.

"Just you and I, my love" he smiles again.

"I'll make you First Lady of Panem one day. It'll fit better for your current nickname" you roll your eyes.

"What will we do with that much power?" He stares deeply into your eyes. You changed his hair, and he hoped he could still see the scar on your face. But it was gone. Just like the girl he met two years ago. So was the boy he was. But it was okay. Because he'd make you be like him. And nothing would matter more than you and him.

"Everything, dear" you smile. And feeling like teenagers again, both lean at the same time to kiss. Like it was the first time.

"Can I?…" he asks on your lips. You nod, hugging from his neck.

He kisses you finally. Soft, slow but demanding.

And you remember you made it. Your husband would have the power, but you just won control.

And for the next two weeks, during summer break, Coriolanus and you spent your days in District 1. Spending the days eating in the best restaurants, visiting museums, and swimming in private pools. Spending the nights exploring each other for the first time. He marked you his and you marked him yours. Watching the moon and forgetting about the university, moving into a new house, letting the past die.

Maybe the memory of Lucy Gray Baird would haunt Coriolanus for the rest of his life, but you were going to be there to turn it into haze. And maybe you would never forget the pain of losing thanks to him, but he would paint your days golden. He would be a good husband who would make it up each day.

…

The first day of your second year of University started differently. Coriolanus refused to learn to drive and refused to let you do it. But you convinced him it was okay.

You left home together. And arrived together on campus. Went through the stairs holding hands.

"Look, it's The Capitol's trendiest couple" Persephone, an old classmate from the Academy but also a new friend said. Festus, Clemmie, and other new friends were there, laughing and making fun of you and Coriolanus.

And you blushed. Abruptly stopping your steps. Your husband turned to see you.

"Everything is fine?" You nod, smiling.

"I just… This is exactly how I wanted to begin University last year" It made his heart clench.

"Only… he's missing it" Like a needle taking him aback, Coriolanus knew what you meant.

"He'd hate what we have become though" It's bad, but you laugh.

"You're right, dear" you agree with your husband.

"But happy for us…" he adds, and you nod. Grabbing his arm to finally enter the building.

Soon, two peacekeepers call you to Gaul's office, just like last year. She's not there. But there's a letter on her desk.

You exchange looks with Coriolanus. He tilts his head and follows you to the desk. Carefully, he grabs the envelope and opens it.

Students, as the summer ends, I hope you had a pleasant summer.

Congratulations on your success after the games, Mr and Mrs. Snow.

Given the circumstances of Dean Highbottom's death last year, I won't be able to begin with the preparation for the 12th Hunger Games.

I believe you two have gained enough knowledge to start without me.

You'll find materials in the backroom of my principal laboratory. You'll find it quite interesting.

Make me proud and you two will be the first and automatic option to replace me in a couple of years.

And keep in mind what I always ask. What are the games for?

Dr. Volumnia Gaul

No words are exchanged after reading the letter. Coriolanus only nods to you, agreeing to the message.

So you go to the principal laboratory. It's clean and the sound of different animals is the only sound inside.

There are two long tables, and it's obvious, that there are at least six corpses covered in white blankets.

When you pull away the blanket, you gasp in shock.

The corpses that were once humans now seemed a mix of animals.

Until you see what it is.

"Coryo. These are the corpses of the death tributes" You are shocked. He was also surprised.

"The mutt bite… transformed them?" Slowly, you nod. He hands you some gloves and a face mask

"Every year I end up creating something more vile" you admit touching the slimy skin of the corpses, turning dark and the human face blemished. Only a girl from District 4 had won Mags. A lot of people loved her. But the cheer wasn't very loud, thank you and your marriage.

"These were also the people who probably agreed on the bombs. They hate us, y/n" he's right.

"They need a yearly reminder that war is over. That we won and that you won't give up" You turn to face him. There's the anger and hate you disliked about him. But now you have plenty of reasons to agree with him.

"They deserve this."

"You're right"

He sees you making some tests to study the altered DNA and smiles. He was so fucked up.

"Don't stare, silly. Come here and help me. There's a lot to do" you say playfully. So he smirks mockingly and starts helping you.

"Maybe we could have some resting after this" he suggests, you laugh.

"Here? With deformed corpses? I don't think so, dear"

"Not here. We can go to the private ladies' room." Sometimes you made fun of him for having the kind of a pervert teenager. Ever since you decided to make up with him, Coriolanus and you were the biggest switching couple in the history of sex.

"Oh, my goodness. Can you behave for once, Mr. Snow?" You ignore him, sealing some glass containers with pieces of skin, fluids, and more from the corpses.

"You know what? Forget it. We haven't done it in the upper living room, or the library. Yeah, I can wait." Brushing past him, you laugh.

"I swear I will turn you into a mutt if you don't shut up, Coryo" both of you laugh. And Coriolanus feels happy. He thinks he has your back. He finally won.

He won the money, the fame, and the power was growing. And he won the girl.

…

It was already dark when you were done doing the practices at the University. Coriolanus helps you with your coat and bag as you make your way to the car.

"After you, dear" he indicates that you should sit first. So you do, and after you start the car, you turn to see him.

He has rebellious hair hanging on his forehead. He lets you brush his hair and smiles, relaxing after a long day.

There's time to catch your lips and kiss you deeply. Hands on your hips as usual and yours tangled in his hair. Even after brushing it.

"Do you think she'll notice?" He asks agitated, breathing unevenly. You giggle, fixing your dark purple lipstick through the mirror of the car.

"She gave us six bodies, but seven doesn't make much difference. Right?" He smiles too, even giggling a bit.

"I can't wait to take a shower," he admits.

"I can't wait for you to take me to bed after shower" Before you make it outside of campus, he kisses you again, squeezing your inner thigh, almost making you moan.

"Me neither…"

___________________________

Taglist: @sarnbarnes @user0440822 @poppyflower-22 @h-l-vlovesvintage @zxrcle @gloryekaterina @dakotali @especiallythewomenandthechildren @mymadokamagica @drvnkn-dazed

In my head… this was the wedding dress<3

#coriolanus snow x reader #young coriolanus snow #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus x sejanus #coriolanus x lucy gray #coriolanus smut #coriolanus snow #coriolanus x you #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games

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hai7ani · 22 days ago

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hihihi, hru?? hope ure doing good:3

i think i literally asked for a rindou hc recently but i seriously need a ran one where he’s like divorced for any reason that you want and he tries to get closer or to talk to his ex through their kid or appear at kindergarten when they’re picking the child from there or just try to talk to them when he goes to pick the kid for weekends or whatever, I JUST NEED IT 😭😭

take your time btw, don’t want you to get yourself busy with this when you have better things to do jahsjjajd:33

Ran thinks it's cruel that your smile still haunts him awake at night.

It's one of the meanest things you can do to an ex after a nasty separation, he thinks 一 having a smile so warm and beautiful that you only show to a loved one (him, used to be), and the image still sticks so freshly on the inner walls of their head years after you divorce and aren't on speaking terms as much.

You can't go a minute speaking to him without choking on your words. You're always awkward with him when handing off your daughter for his night, but he still tries to make you feel comfortable around him again by cracking a joke or two that would've always made you laugh. You don't anymore and you haven't done it in a while, yet he still tries. And he continues with it as soon as he spots the small crack in your facade when one corner of your lips starts lifting against your will and you're quickly looking away to scratch at your elbow.

It's terrible how suffocating he feels currently. He isn't used to being like this.

Ran finds himself thinking way too much of you lately.

He often keeps his head awake at night to the thought of you and what the two of you were, and he has to keep reminding himself that he shouldn't be doing this anymore. Especially not now when you've got another man who isn't him sending you home after work and you're throwing the same sweetish, syrupy smile his way when you get off his car in a little bounce and you're holding onto his door to fix your heels.

It's been years since your separation. You're no longer the woman who'd put up with things just to have peace in the house, and he's no longer the man who'd put off things just to have some peace to himself. Your daughter is a big girl now and she's starting to understand things without anyone saying it outrightly to her. He hears a lot about you from her observations at home and he likes that you've started working on the things you've always wanted to do but didn't have time for because you were so preoccupied with taking care of everyone's needs.

Things have changed a lot since then. Improvements were made and they were done with quick effort 一 it's one of the things people start doing when they let something go and realise just how much they have been missing, or lacking.

And you're no longer together to witness that growth in each other.

But Haitani Ran has never been one to dwell on the past and think too much on what could've been 一 he fixes his issues and he does it really well. It's one of the things you've always liked about him.

If trying again isn't an option, he should at least see you. By tonight. He has to see you now. He wants to see you now.

He throws on a jacket and he grabs his keys to go.

Ran always lives in the present.

ii.

You have a lousy, too-big-for-your-face sheet mask on when he rings your bell. He almost laughs at how ridiculous you look paired with the frog pyjama pants you always like wearing to sleep, but you look so cozy, and a famous tear-jerking K-Drama is playing on your TV screen in the back. He decides he'll not poke the bear tonight.

"Arisa's already asleep." You tell him when he's on his way to go knock on her door and you're pouring him a glass of water. "That's fine."

But he's quick with it this time 一 no more than fifteen seconds with his daughter that he only sees three times a week and he's back out in the living room again with you.

"Hi sweetie. Daddy's gonna go win your mama back tonight, alright? Give me a minute, I'll be back."

He has more important matters at hand right now.

"How's the show?" He downs the cup in one go. His throat had been dry the entire ride to your place. Mind flooded with words he's unsure whether or not to say, but keeps as an option for later. He wants to see you way more.

You shrug and start peeling off your mask. "It's fine. A bit boring. Not as great as what they say." You rub on your face and go wash your hands in the sink.

As always, you're curt with him. You leave no room to continue a conversation. He doesn't blame you for it, though. He wasn't always there to listen.

"Listen, uh," he begins, fiddling with the cup, "can we talk?"

You eye the clock and shake your head. "No, it's getting late and I have to sleep. You should go too, now that you've seen Arisa一"

"一I came to see you." It's suffocating, the sudden silence in the house. And he realises swiftly it's back to square one again with the atmosphere around you both. You're creasing your brows and it's not looking nice.

"Honey, not that again一" You sweep your hair back out of frustration when you remember. "Sorry, I keep calling you that."

"Can we just talk, please? I need to talk to you." His eyes plead. His heart aches.

It's evil what the remnants of love can still do to two people who aren't together anymore.

iii.

"Risa's told me lots, you know一"

You light the cigarette hung between your lips and inhale.

"About you." He finishes his sentence.

"About what?"

In such a small space on the bench of your balcony you still manage to seat yourself as far away as you can from him, and you've got one leg on top of it. Back then his mother would've pointed out how rude it was to sit like this around your husband, but she's not here with you at your house, and you just want to get all of this done with.

He can tell.

But he thinks it's nice that he still managed to convince you to come out here and have a smoke together in the cold like the risqué couple you were back then. He wants to salvage this moment for as much as he can.

"Well, she told me you started doing cross stitch again."

You let out a breath through your nose. "Yeah, finally found the time, I guess. She keeps asking me to use the pink threads, but I don't know what else to stitch other than flowers and bows."

Your voice is a lot deeper than usual now that you've got a cigarette in your mouth and you no longer look as put together like you always do in front to him. Your hair is clipped in a messy bun and your pants are folded at the waist.

He's still charming as ever, though, and it pisses you off.

"And she told me you've been crying a lot lately."

Great way to piss you off even more. He looks at you when he says it and you don't like it from him at all.

Your chest is burning when he leans back in his seat. "Is it because of that twat? The one always driving around in that lame, old Mercedes? He's been making you cry?"

What a fucking guy.

You puff out the smoke and scoff. "I guess you still don't know me well enough then."

"Then tell me. What's going on?"

You click your tongue, agitated. Perhaps it's the nicotine that's keeping you on edge right now, and he notices you're a lot more straightforward with him this time.

He wants to talk? You'll give him just what he wants.

"I just don't get how you always make things look so fucking easy."

"What's easy?"

You shake your head, thinking. You throw the cigarette in the ash tray angrily and groan.

"I don't know! Moving on?"

You shoot daggers right into his eyes. "It's always so goddamn easy with you. Not even a year after we divorce and you've already got a girl on your arm. How the fuck did you do it? Was I so invisible to you in our marriage that all it took was just a year, or less, to go date someone else? And get so touchy with her? Did I not live in your heart at all?"

"What the fuck? What girl?"

You give him a big laugh 一 a fake one. "You're such an asshole."

"There hasn't been any fucking girl after you. I don't know what you saw that time, but nothing ever happened between me and any other girl, ever. And this thing about me moving on? Bullshit. I came to see you tonight. I never fucking moved on. It's been this way for two whole years. Jesus, it's always been you."

You're both out of breath by the time he finishes, and the waterworks come quick.

"Who was she?" You sob into your knees. He moves closer to you. So close you can feel the heat off his skin when he fixes a strand of your loose hair.

"A colleague from the Taiwan office. We attended a gala together and I sent her back to the hotel with the driver. I swear, nothing ever happened."

Your cheek is squashed against one knee when you look at him in those eyes that always gets him to fold. "You're so fucking mean. You're so cool and playful all the time. Did your heart not break when we ended? Aren't you even sad about it? This whole time I've waited to see if you were, but you never let anything show. I thought you moved on."

And finally, Ran pulls you into a hug. A hug so tight you can practically feel the crack echoing in his chest. So tight you're almost swallowed into his soul.

"We have a kid together, damn it."

You hear it then. You finally do.

"I still love you so much, baby." His voice is shaky, heart breaking apart in half from how much it hurts for you. "I never stopped, fuck. It's only ever you."

iv.

It's quiet when you sleep. Half-asleep.

You've got your nose buried in your blanket and your eyes are droopy. They're also red and swollen, but he'll take care of that for you tomorrow.

Thankfully, Arisa isn't woken up by the commotion. She's still sound asleep when Ran goes to check on her after he's ushered you in from the cold.

Your blanket rustles in the quiet when you reach your arms out to go pull him in closer to your chest. "Why are you so far away?"

He laughs a little, "I'm here," while you drape a leg over his hip.

Your sleeping position way too intimate for two ex-lovers who are divorced, and just yelled at each other's faces not too long ago.

But you don't think you care too much. Ran just admitted he still loves you and it's more than enough for you to kiss him again. You need to hold him tonight. You need him to be yours again, even just for one night.

"Rub my back." As always, you're very demanding with affection. And he always delivers as you wish.

But you can't deny that there's still a lot to work on in your relationship if you want to try again. Love isn't just enough to fix things, and only one minor improvement of him being attentive again to your feelings doesn't mean a lot if he can't show that he won't repeat it again.

And you're not perfect either. You're always wicked with your tricks when you don't get the attention you desire, or deem as enough. There's no denying that you only went out with a man to make a certain someone jealous 一 to see if he still cares 一 because you know he's been waiting around at your place to see if you get home by feet or in another man's car.

"That twat that you mentioned earlier..." You trail off and he hums, a smirk on his face when he buries it in your neck again. "I never did anything with him, okay? I stopped seeing him a month ago. We just went out for dinner, like, three times. And he always suggested to AA the bill every single time. He's stingy."

And again, you don't really leave room for him to continue the conversation.

"That's alright."

And perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

But he's one step closer to winning you back again.

A win is always a win.

And againnnn this is not even close to what was asked for i think you might've been looking for fluff lol 😭😭🙏🏻 and i love how every individual as a couple aren't perfect and i tried my best to portray their own traits in here. And they've been following each other around after their divorce lol

#writing #asks #ran haitani x reader #ran x reader #haitani ran x reader #ran haitani #haitani ran #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers #tokrev x reader #tokrev #tr x reader #tr #bonten x reader #bonten #tokyo revengers angst

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deathbxnny · 24 days ago

Text

Lost confessions. | Caitlyn x Fem!Reader (feat. Vi)

(Part one)

Take this as a little offering whilst I recover lol-

Content: Spoilers for season 2, Slight Vi x Reader?, angst, hurt/no comfort?, Zaunite reader, wlw, kidnapping, alcohol, allusion to cheating? Idk, swearing, ooc?, Pit fighter vi, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns.

((Not proofread))

Looking back on it, you wondered what life would've been like if you never met either woman.

You imagined yourself living a peaceful life with your parents, perhaps being married off to someone eventually that will treat you well enough to live with. But alas, that thought simply rubbed you the wrong way, now that you were stuck in the whirlwind that was their love, devotion, and heartbreak. You were always the fixer, the one that held them together, the neutral middle ground in their fights and disagreements.

A Zaunite who knew the ways of the Piltovans, that's what made you perfect for the both of them... until even that wasn't enough.

Underappreciated and pushed aside for two different extreme ideologies, you haven't moved an inch out of your estate ever since Vi practically told you off as well. You had chased her down to the darkest parts of Zaun all on your own in hopes of salvaging what was left of your once rather intimate friend group and yet... there was no getting through to her. By the time you reached her, she became an unrecognizable, drunken mess that screamed at you to get lost. That you weren't Caitlyn, the woman that presumably haunted her with every breath. Not you, though, never you.

You always considered yourself an afterthought to everyone but your family. Everyone else saw you as an outsider on both sides, and it seemed like Vi deep down thought the same. "What would you know about being an actual, real Zaunite anyway? You're a rat pretending to be one of us. Now get lost before I make you." Oh, how cruel and cold her words were. She had never spoken to you like this before either. She was always so understanding, so gentle. But perhaps that part of her got lost in the blurry, fast life of a pitfighter, as she rolled her eyes at your tear-struck, heartbroken face and turned to another bottle to soothe the pain. It was a pain you couldn't fix this time around. No, you refused to.

And you treated Caitlyn with no difference either, ever since that night in your gardens in which you practically ran away from her for good. You have avoided her for three months now completely, refusing to even see, hear, or read a single thing from her. Your parents couldn't convince you, her father couldn't convince you, her soldiers couldn't convince you and she sure as hell couldn't either. But alas... what the commander wanted, she'd eventually get. Even if she had to pull some strings for it. Like making up an entire gala for an undefined victory that absolutely no noble could refuse, much to you and your family's dismay.

This led you to now, standing in a far away corner from the lavish crowd of guests around you, as beautiful music bounced off the grand walls of the ballroom. You would've been impressed if you didn't feel so conflicted. Eyes were in you at all times, the secret disdain hidden behind fake smiles and sickeningly sweet compliments that made your skin crawl. Everyone seemed to be in deep agreement that someone like you, who wasn't Piltover born, didn't belong in a place like this. Nevermind your frilly dress, the sparkly jewelry, the many hours it took you to look perfect as you knew deep down this would happen. It all didn't matter to them. Hell, you could've been a pig in lipstick for all they cared!

One thing that did comfort you was the lack of Caitlyn. You hadn't really seen her yet, just quick glimpses of her in the masses, of which you ducked out of her sight every time. It was a cowardly thing to do, and yet you had no choice. You knew she was looking for you. "Darling? How about you take a breather?" Your mother asked you gently, clearly worried about the pale look on your face. It was clear that you didn't want to be here. "I... alright, I'll be out in the gardens then." Excusing yourself, you pushed through the crowd hastily, head down until you finally reached the freshness of the crisp night air. You took a deep, reliving breath, glad to have escaped the loud and suffocating room at last.

As you traversed through the grandiose grounds, you found yourself getting lost on thought whilst the orchestra and buzz from the guests began to grow distant. The cold air nipped at the exposed skin of your neckline and arms, your dress flowing in the soft breeze that lulled you into a moment of tranquility. Looking up at the stars, they glimmered beautifully in the night sky. A wish to be a part of them came to mind, in which you wondered what it would be like to be admired and sought after by dreamers. Reach for the stars they say, but you never dared it, afraid to be burned by them until there was nothing left of you.

Frowning, you looked down at your gloved hands, a silver ring on it that Caitlyn had given you once as a gift for your birthday. It meant a lot to you, reminding you of a time in which the woman was still herself, something you so desperately held onto. You may have sounded pathetic, but else can you do? You were no hero, no soldier. You couldn't fight. You couldn't do a thing other than mourn, grief, and cry. You saw no strength in your weakness and left it at that. And the guilt of living such a perfectly pristine life whilst your people were suffering under your golden heel didn't help either.

Shaking your head, you turned to return back to the party in hopes of being able to convince your father to finally leave already, when a giggle stopped you dead in your tracks. Unable to hide your curiosity, you cautiously stepped towards the sound, perhaps just to see what was entertaining. Were there performances outside, too? Yet what you saw when you peeked out from behind a tall bush was perhaps the most unamusing thing you have ever witnessed.

"Oh, come on, Cait, what's the harm in some fun?" "Maddie... we're in the middle of a ball. Besides... I... have to speak to someone." The commander was leaning against a wall whilst the mousy girl trapped her against it, a flirtatious grin on her lips that made you nearly reel back in surprise. Just what were you looking at? What was the meaning of this? Why... were you so hurt? If this truly was what you assumed it was... then why would you care? You were never a couple. In fact, you never had the chance to tell her a thing about your conflicting emotions for her. Shaking fingers nervously brushed over the silver ring, eyes wide in sick anticipation on what was going to happen next. You couldn't look away despite your better judgment.

"Ah... Do you mean her? I thought you were over her... after all..." Maddie's hand idly brushed over the taller woman's shoulder, clearly showing off a form of intimacy that should never even occur in between their huge gap in ranks. And you could tell that it had become a bit too natural, a statement to how long this must've been going on for. "She's just some ignorant Zaunite who doesn't get you. She won't do you any good. So forget about her already, okay?" There was a ringing in your ears whilst the ginger girl pulled Caitlyn down for a kiss the woman hardly fought against. She must've agreed with what she was saying... and that killed you even further inside. For how long has this been going on? Even before her time as a commander?

Refusing to witness any of this mess any longer, you escaped the scene, never seeing the way Caitlyn pushed Maddie away from her with a scoff. "Stop that. I already told you that I didn't want to..." Her words died on her tongue when she saw a familiar ring glimmering in the grass. Ignoring the officer, she approached it and kneeled down to grab it, eyes narrowed deeply in thought. And then she realised it finally that it was yours. The one she had gifted you. It took her months to find the perfect sapphire gem for it, too. Seeing you sparkle with joy when you received it made all the efforts worth it, even if she didn't find the bravery to confess to you in the moment.

The regret of it all was hitting her harder than she ever thought it could, which resulted in her running back to the ballroom, desperate to catch up to you and tell you the truth. She had been blinded by her rage and grief for too long.

But... was it perhaps too late?

The answer was yes, but for a totally different reason than expected.

You hadn't returned to the party and instead ran further into the gardens until you found yourself getting lost. It was too dark to see anything, and fear was beginning to brew in your heart. It didn't help that you felt so awfully uneasy. Something was watching you, hunting you down carefully as you pushed your way through the dense bushes and flowery paths in hopes for an exit. A young doe running from a wolf hidden away in the shadows, that's what you were. Yet it was a lot deeper than that. Alot darker. You couldn't comprehend the extent of the inconvenience your existence imposed, but you'll learn soon enough. The wolf would make sure of it.

"A bit of a cold night for a walk, isn't it child?" Letting out a loud gasp, you jumped and pressed a hand against your chest. Snapping your head to the side, you saw the familiar large stature of the Noxian general. Pushing yourself up against a pillar nervously, you immideatly recognized the shiver of terror that ran through your body. There was something awfully wrong with her appearance, and you knew better than to trust that she didn't have any ill intentions. Your father had warned you well, but that wouldn't save you.

"General Medarda..." "Hm... are you lost? I can tell that you are. It must be scary to be all alone in such a... dark, empty place. Who knows what lurks in the shadows after all." She did. You knew it was her who must've been watching you this entire time. Sweat dripped from your forehead, body trembling despite your best efforts to stay strong. This won't end well. "What do you want from me?" You breathed out, ignoring her previous words as you weren't in the mood to humor her.

An amused smirk creeped onto her lips as she began to approach you so casually. The dangerous aura was practically suffocating you, however, making you shrink away and unaware of the figures that began to appear behind you, ready for the woman's orders. "You know... despite of how how uninteresting you are, you still somehow found a way to weasel your way into my plans. And especially into our dear commanders mind. I'm getting tired of it, really... she needs to focus on the betterment of her nation and not an unimportant girl like you." You frowned at her words, suddenly finding the strength to fight back if only verbally. If you were going down, then you might as well do it without any regrets. "So what? You will kill me? That's a lot of words for something so natural to you." You huffed, and that made the woman's eyes glint in interest. Perhaps you did regret that after all...

Shaking her head with a chuckle she shook her head and grabbed onto your chin roughly. "I was going to... but I think there are better ways to teach a lesson... Sleep well, child. That's the only rest you'll be getting for a long time." You opened your mouth to protest further, yet were cut off by something hitting you violently in the back of the head and knocking you out.

Crumbling to the ground, your eyes found the blurring stars above once more, a weak whisper of Caitlyn's name leaving your lips before it all went black.

#arcane x reader #arcane x female reader #arcane x y/n #arcane x you #arcane fanfic #arcane oneshot #arcane #arcane caitlyn x reader #arcane caitlyn #caitlyn arcane #caitlyn x reader #caitlyn #caitlyn kiramman #vi #vi x reader #arcane vi #arcane vi x reader #pitfighter vi #pit fighter vi

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burquillos · 5 months ago

Note

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the final MHA chapter because the internet seems to be very divided

I waited till MHA officially ended! Long post ahead!! People being divided on the ending makes sense. Different people come to watch shows and read comics for very different reasons and with very different expectations for an ending in mind. Especially for a series like MHA which is a battle manga that seeks to subvert shonen genre tropes.

I think part of the reason why people are so divided on it right now is because of leak culture and reaction culture. People have to remember that comic books and manga are a storytelling medium. The author actually thinks about the arrangement of the panels, what’s in the panels, and how the combination of these things can form a narrative. Reading it from twitter thread/discords from people in a rush to translate to get the information to you as fast as possible is NOT the intended way to experience the story.

The “leak format” kind of encourages people to put too much focus on certain panels and roughly translated text that would otherwise feel very different when you are reading the story through the intended medium, and when you pair that with the highly reactive way people ‘consume content’ nowadays, the result is a snowball of very volatile emotions being thrown around without a moment for people to breathe, think, and wonder for themselves “Why did the author write it like this? Was there something I missed? How does this re-contextualize story? Have I actually missed the point this whole time?” etc.

That being said, I sort of have a philosophical way of approaching MHA?? When I got back to it again, I was hyper-critical of it especially because I just came back from reading One Piece (and the writing styles and messages are VERY different). I slowly learned to judge the writing for what it is rather than keep comparing it to other series and I learned it was more enjoyable to experience the story like that.

The ending is a very hard pill to swallow for a lot of people which is understandable, but it didn’t come out of nowhere. I mean, just look at the ending lines of "Do Not Be Defeated by Rain", the poem that inspired Deku’s character:

I am also a stubbornly optimistic person, and my number one rule is never to engage with anything in bad faith. I CHOOSE to see hope through the margins and the final chapter being so open to potential encourages that thinking of mine.

So even though I think there are some things that could be handled better (the villains) and storylines I WISH were explored (OFA vestiges my beloved) there’s no reason why it couldn’t be fixed.

There is this openness to it that leaves so much room for hope and imagination that I can’t truly be mad at it.

I might find MHA lacking as an entertainment piece, but I will defend it to the end as an artistic piece.

Horikoshi has said before that he doesn’t care if his manga is popular or not, MHA is basically a culmination of the stuff he enjoys, and I KNOW drawing whatever the hell you want despite knowing not everyone will like it takes a lot of guts and it’s what makes MHA so human.

All the traces of him are in there, flaws and everything, so you can endlessly turn it around, flip back and forth and there will be always something new to unpack, learn, and realize and the thought of what could've been will always haunt people (just like Star Wars, a series he also likes kajdbaldnlk)

#asks #.txt #long post

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yerimbrit · 4 months ago

Text

i saw a ghost! with MC kkura : m. sakura

synopsis: miyawaki sakura didn't believe in ghosts. but she did believe in friendship—that was why she was sneaking into her old highschool with her friends. but then she gets ditched by the two in the "haunted" unused art room, meeting the resident ghost: you.

# : pairing ! nonidol!miyawaki sakura x ghost!reader

# : tags ! fem!reader, sakura's a second year in college, the other two are freshmen, crack, angst, fluff, contains an uncanny amount of video game mentions, red velvet seulgi cameo, i will personally make it my mission to enforce the luvie sakura agenda in every fic she's mentioned, switches between 2nd and 3rd person sometimes

# : wordcount ! 9.5k

# : warnings ! mentions of suicide, mentions of blood, there's a satanic ritual at the end(?), explores some themes of grief, do not try this at home i made it all up

sakura was a firm non-believer of ghosts.

she thought people who claimed to have seen one were stupid, and were just looking for attention or views or whatever. no, yujin, you did not see a ghost in the corner of your room, because you just came back from the last day of your soccer tournament and you were playing for all three games. obviously your fatigue-clouded, sleep-deprived ass would hallucinate.

"i swear i saw it," her friends would say.

"and i swear you had three exams to study for on that same night," sakura would reply. "ghosts aren't real."

that was precisely what she had told yunjin and chaewon. nevertheless, the two idiots dragged her to the highschool that sakura thought she wouldn't ever have to see again.

she was pushed by yunjin, towards the gate that acted as the first obstacle they'd have to overcome in order to even reach the supposedly haunted room. "unnie, you go first!"

sakura whined, shoving the taller girl in front of her. she didn't believe in ghosts, but the school was still creepy at 3am on the weekend. "we have to jump the gate, you're taller so you should go first!"

yunjin was always the more athletic of the three, followed by chaewon and then sakura. it was times like these where sakura wished she spent a little more time out of her room, and not playing league or overwatch. loser games, as chaewon called them. she only said that because she was bad at them, though.

"but you're the oldest," chaewon added.

sakura was, once again, pushed towards the intimidating black-barred gate. who even used these kinds of gates anyway? it's like, 2024, everyone's went to ring alarm systems and upgraded security systems.

the japanese sighed. she could've been doing anything other than sneaking into a highschool after midnight, like finishing her third playthrough of resident evil 2 or getting her five star island rating in animal crossing. "yunjin, help me out here. you're the tallest, so you should give me and chae a boost, at least."

without warning, she was lifted into the air by the american, causing her to let out a yelp. "damn it, yunjin! i said give me a boost, not give me a death hug!"

"just hurry up and climb the gate!"

sakura grumbled, but obliged. the iron bars were sharp at the ends, so she tried to avoid touching them in fear of stabbing her hands, opting to hold onto the middle parts of the bars and relying on boosting herself up with her feet on the bars placed horizontally. after a few deep breaths, she was able to swing herself over and land on the other side of the gate.

okay. that was kind of sick. sakura felt like she was in mirror's edge or something, envisioning the gate as a tall building and finally feeling good about herself. except that moment was ruined when the two idiots behind her started playing around while trying to get chaewon over. just before she was going to turn around and smack them, they took their places beside her, yunjin and chaewon on her left and right respectively.

and so, they began their mission: find a ghost in the unoccupied art room.

if sakura thought just being outside on campus was creepy enough, being inside the school itself was way creepier. it was dark, too dark inside, and the trio's sole source of light was this dusty old lantern that they had found in chaewon's garage. it flickered on and off half the time. sakura hated it. but yunjin said it added to the "spooky vibe" and despite chaewon's initial protest, she ultimately agreed to use it. damn it, you down bad girl.

"it's so ominous in here," the shorter girl remarked, holding onto the japanese's arm for dear life. yunjin tried to put on a brave face, but her whole body was shaking as she gripped the older girl's sleeve.

"don't worry! i'll p-protect you, chaewonnie."

"you know, you'd sound a little..." sakura grimaced as she heard a cracking noise somewhere in the vicinity, "...more convincing, if you weren't shaking in your boots right now."

eventually, they made it to the supposed art room, and stood in front of the door, waiting. why were they waiting?

"you... you should go in first!"

"yeah, you go in! you've b-been so... undeterred today, unnie!"

"wha—"

thus, she was pushed towards the door, once again. she tried to glare back at the pair, but they looked too scared to even move, so she begrudgingly slid the door open. a cloud of dust puffed up in her face, and she coughed.

"see, was that so ha—what the hell." upon turning back around, yunjin and chaewon were nowhere to be found. she was left in the dust. what great friends! that's fine, sakura's grown. ghosts aren't real. they aren't!

"such friends they are," a cooling whisper tickled her neck. sakura was inclined to agree, before realizing, 'what the fuck. who. is that.'

she snapped her head back so fast it could've given her whiplash, to see a pale face right in front of her.

"jesus fuck!"

the face moved back, giving her room to breathe (not that she could feel anything by its presence besides a ghastly chill) and allowing her to see that the face belonged to a floating figure. actually, it was quite pretty. wait a minute.

"who!?"

ghosts aren't real. they can't be. so why could she see one floating right in front of her? cocking its head to the side with an irritatingly curious expression? there's no way it's a ghost. sakura must've been hallucinating. that's right, yeah! she's definitely hallucinating.

"who are you?"

okay, fuck, it talks. sakura literally can't find anything in her head to try to alleviate the situation. so she does the obvious(?) and humors it. she repeated her intended sentences in her head, praying she doesn't piss it off and die. 'my name is sakura. do you have a name? my name is sakura. do you have a name? my name is-'

...but what comes out, is: "my sakura is name. do you name a have?"

"huh?"

what the hell.

"fuck. fuck, okay. my- um. my name is," she cleared her throat, averting her gaze to the ground. she clutched onto the handle of the flashlight. "my name's sakura... do you, um. do you have a name?"

it floated up, and sakura braced herself. this was not on her 2024 bingo sheet. but then it approached her with a smile. unsettling? more pretty than unsettling. since when were ghosts—or whatever it was—so attractive?

it inched closer to her, and sakura could feel another chilling sensation on her skin. "name? i'm y/n. nice to meet you, sakura. what are you doing here? i haven't seen anyone in ages besides the students during the day, but no one's ever visited me at night."

the way it... no, the way you talked was... refreshing? she expected demands in favor of any of the seven sins, in exchange for her body or whatever, yet your tone was the opposite of that. you sounded... friendly, even.

"um..." should she be honest? sakura never thought she would make it this far unscathed, so... YOLO? "we—me and my friends i mean—heard there was a ghost here. so we came to check it out."

she was still standing at the entrance, unmoving. there was a literal ghost(?) in front of her, after all. "i guess its you...?"

you pretended to think for a moment, resting your chin against your palm. "yeah, that checks out."

a beat of silence followed. you and sakura were just staring at each other, neither of you daring to move a muscle. well, at least sakura dared not to move a muscle. you were freely moving around her, scrutinizing her with your gaze.

"do you want to stay for a bit? i won't hurt you. i mean, i literally can't touch you, so..."

you had a point. but it took sakura more than a few moments to un-freeze herself and take a seat on one of the desk chairs. it was freezing cold in the room, probably due to how long you'd been in here, but it made the shorter girl zip up her hoodie.

sakura averted her gaze to the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. "can i, um... ask you questions?"

unfortunately for her, you appeared inside of the desk, your head popping out so you could forcefully make the japanese look at you. in turn, she yelped.

"ahaha, sorry, sorry. it's just a bit rude to talk to someone without looking at them, no?"

she rubbed at her sleeve. she needed to get out of here, and go home to her endless mountain of stuffed animals on her bed. and maybe cry to wendy's album on repeat.

"sorry," she mumbled. today was not her day.

you nodded and hummed, moving back to "sit" on the desk in front of sakura. "go ahead, then. ask away!"

okay. okay! you can do this, kkura. you were just a ghost. you couldn't do anything to her.

"how long have you been here?"

"three years."

"were you a student here?"

"yeah, i died in the year i was supposed to graduate, which was three years ago." so you were a year older.

"why the art room? did you like drawing?"

you pursed your lips and crossed your legs. sakura felt the cold air pulse in front of her, where you were.

"not really... my best friend did, though!"

"best friend?"

"yeah!" you made to lower yourself from the top of the desk to the chair below. "her name is seulgi. i don't think she's dead yet? maybe you can find her online, or something."

"seulgi... i've heard that name before."

you phased yourself through the back of the chair and in front of sakura again. "you have!? how is she, is she well? i didn't talk to her that much in my last year so i don't know. and i can't really access the internet in this form, so..."

she gulped. "um..."

you gazed at her so expectantly. sakura almost felt bad, she should at least answer your questions.

"i think she's an artist. she recently had an exhibition near my university, it was part of an alumni event," she answered slowly. her skin must've been burning red from the way she was rubbing her sleeve.

you moved back again, now with a serene expression of your face. did that satisfy you?

"i see. thank you."

"..."

you suddenly put on a cheerful smile. it was off putting, but then again, everything about this interaction had been off putting, so sakura wasn't all that surprised anymore. "it's my turn to ask questions, sakura!"

straight to talking informally, huh.

"how old are you?"

the question was unexpected. it made her choke on her spit, and made you scramble around to look for water.

she took a deep breath after regaining her composure, and you settled back down onto the desk. "i'm about to enter my... third year of college."

"so that makes you...?"

"uh, i'm turning 21."

"so you're 20."

"yeah..."

you had an unreadable expression on your face. sakura braced herself. she wasn't lying, though.

"okay! you're sakura..."

"miyawaki."

"you're japanese?"

"mhm."

"cool! miyawaki sakura, 20 years old."

sakura and you stared at each other once more.

"no more questions?"

"nope! did you want me to ask more?"

she stood up from her seat, keeping eye contact. you didn't seem very scary anymore. but more... cute. cute was a fitting word.

"no..."

just in time, her phone buzzed. she fished the device out of her pocket to see hundreds of missed calls and unread messages from yunjin and chaewon. it was also well-past four am.

you floated in front of her, pouting. "you have to go?"

sakura nodded. you escorted her to the door. "visit me soon, 'kay? you're fun to talk to. and super pretty."

that shouldn't have made her blush. although, at least the sentiment was mutual.

"o-okay."

instead of listening to soothing songs that night, sakura found herself listening to wendy's collection of love songs.

fuck, did she have a crush on a ghost?

as per your request, sakura returned to the school the next night. the empty hallways didn't seem so desolate as it did before (the dark combined with flashlights made it seem abandoned, though the school was still running like normal in the day) and she was slowly starting to get used to your... presence.

so she visited the night after that, too. and the night after, and also the night after the last night. and then it became a routine. she'd finish up any work she had to do in the afternoon, which wasn't much since she was on summer break, hang out with yunjin and chaewon (sometimes yujin and wonyoung, too, and on a rare occasion, chaeyeon), and kill some time by playing games before she set out for the school.

if you told sakura she would be sneaking into a school to visit a very pretty scary? ghost, she wouldn't believe you... but here we are now. after hanging out with you for a while, she'd compiled a list of things about you in her mind:

you remembered bits of your life, like things were important to you, sakura couldn't tell if you were lying about not remembering the other things though.

you died three years ago (you were 1 year above her)

you and seulgi were really close (seulgi is two years older than her and one year older than you)

you like listening and watching her play games, even going as far as to add in your own commentary (it makes her blush)

today she was going to bring her switch. she'd been meaning to work on her island in animal crossing, but lately she had been caught up in progressing through persona 3 reload, a game she finally caught on sale and had been waiting for, for ages. (she fucking hated tartar sauce. tart harass. tartarus. whatever.)

she carefully slid the classroom door open, being greeted with a yelp and an excited wave. sakura smiled shyly and switched on the fairy lights she'd brought in a couple of days ago, and walked over to one of the desks to set her bag down.

"hi, sakura!" you floated next to her, briefly hugging her. she shivered due to your chilliness, but patted you on the back. as best as she could, at least.

over the days you worked together to decorate the art room, transforming it into a comfy nook where one could relax and have a light snack. at first sakura felt bad that you had to watch her do all these things, but you insisted that watching and listening to her eat and play games helped you live vicariously through her.

sakura opened the closet in the back to get a bag of honey butter chips. you had mentioned that it was one of your favorite snacks prior to your... untimely death, so she took it upon herself to buy a bunch of them early in the morning.

she popped one in her mouth, closing her eyes at the taste and crunch.

you blinked at her intently, grinning toothily at the college student. "how is it?"

"mmh. very honey buttery," she teased, making you scoff and pout.

"you're not funny, sakura."

said girl gasped in offense, "i think i'm exceptionally funny, thank you!"

"not. funny," you stuck out your tongue. did you think this was a game?

it was fun teasing you, but you always shot back tenfold... it didn't stop her from doing it, though.

"are you playing persona again today?" you asked once she settled down into her regular seat in the back of the classroom. whenever she brought her switch she would be working on her 100% save of persona 5 royal, since she could only play her newly acquired game of the same series, on her computer at home.

sakura took out the device and inserted the animal crossing cartridge, although it was taking a bit to load into the title screen.

she glanced at you from the side. you were sitting on the chair adjacent to hers. (it was an early adjustment, pushing two desks together so you could sit next to each other. something that you suggested, seemed like you were tired of sitting on top of her desk.)

shaking her head, sakura pointed at the screen. "animal crossing. i need to sell my tarantulas to flick today."

you shivered. you hated insects and arachnids, that was another thing that sakura found out about you through a very frightening encounter with a daddy long-legs when she initially opened the dusty closet.

your reaction didn't go unnoticed by the younger girl. her shoulders shook with mirth, laughing at the absurdity of your predicament. you were a ghost. and you were afraid of spiders. and ants, and beetles and bees, when they couldn't see or even touch you.

"don't laugh! any type of spiders or bugs are the bane of my existence, i swear!"

"y/n, the tarantulas are in the game!" sakura wiped a stray tear from the corner of her eye. she just couldn't believe your fear went this far. hell, she hated them too, but she was safe from the demons in game.

the cold intensified. it seemed to do that whenever you felt a particularly strong emotion. "they're still creepy in game."

"whatever you say, y/n."

she reached for and felt around the inside her bag, looking for nothing in particular, until her hand bumped into a familiar casing. that's right, the camera!

if sakura didn't know any better, she'd have thought it was an ordinary vintage camcorder. but this, this was a special camcorder. she'd been through hell and back to buy it off this random dude she'd found on her college forum.

"a camera?" you leaned in closer, curiosity piqued. sakura felt an icy blow of wind on her cheek from your presence, yet it made her blush. she was afraid the "crush" had turned into a crush.

"not just any camera," she smugly proclaimed. "it's supposed to capture," she made air-quotes, "'ghostly encounters.' or whatever that guy sunoo said."

"i'm not..." you laughed. normally she would've laughed too, but she was dead set on this financial decision. seeing the pure determination on her face, your laughter ceased. "oh, you're serious."

"well, okay. let's test it out, shall we?"

she fumbled with the camera, taking it out of the flap case with caution and flipping the screen open.

this would totally serve as real proof to her friends.

"i literally don't see anything, unnie." yunjin pouted.

yunjin and chaewon sat unamused on sakura's bed. sakura was showing them the footage she had taken a few days ago of a conversation between you and her.

"weren't you the one saying ghosts aren't real all the time? now all of a sudden you're claiming you've even befriended one. we should really stop you from going back, unnie," chaewon deadpanned.

she was right. sakura was saying all that stuff. keyword: was. but she was a changed woman! now that she'd seen it with her own eyes, there had to be a way for her to prove herself. all of a sudden she felt bad for calling out yujin's delusions a few months back. she apologized to yujin in her head.

in her defense, she hadn't checked the footage she had taken at all until now. and not once did it come up in her mind that ghosts... didn't show up on camera. because they were ghosts.

the footage consisted of her making simple conversation with you, asking about your interests and introducing you to the viewers. it then escalated into a shoving contest, and sakura whining about how it wasn't fair that you could have even a slight effect on her (your eerie icy air) while she could just "phase" through your figure. that was what she saw, anyway.

to the two confuddled girls taking up all the space on her neat bed, it was just the girl talking to the air. and fighting the air. and blushing at air.

it was safe to say (to them at least) that miyawaki sakura had officially gone insane from too many nights stayed up this summer. the initial visit to the school at night was only a test of courage to start off the break, but it seemed that abandoning her and therefore failing said test of courage had a bigger effect on the older girl.

sakura huffed.

("can i bring my friends back?"

"huh? uh, sure. video didn't work?"

"no."

"then i'm not sure you think they'd see me if they didn't in the—"

"shut up.)

"why are we back here again," chaewon whined, clutching onto sakura's arm for dear life. they, once again, had brought the huge lantern from chaewon's family garage, even if the older girl had reassured them that their phone lights would be enough. sakura was getting tired of the lingering afterimages.

yunjin made a face as a spider was made visible from their powerhouse of a light source. "sakura-unnie, i swear i believe there's a ghost. even if we didn't see anything... now can we please go back home?"

"sure. i'll keep going and you two can run back. i won't believe that you believe me unless you see her with your own eyes."

finally, that shut them up. with much trouble, (mostly the two college freshmen clinging to sakura's arms) they traversed through the creepy hallway until they reached the art room at the end. sakura could hear some faint humming in the tune of gee by girls' generation, and she smiled to herself. it wasn't your favorite song, but it was the one that got stuck in your head the most.

she turned to the two cowering girls behind her (who had clutched onto each other the moment she broke away from their terrified grasps) and slid open the door.

"hey, sakura!" you waved from a desk in the corner. the girl waved and turned to her friends again, raising an eyebrow.

"do you hear her?"

"h-hear what," chaewon squeaked.

'are you serious.'

sakura stepped into the room, chaewon and yunjin hesitantly trailing behind her.

the american shivered. "is—is it just me or is it way too cold in here."

"that's the ghost!" the japanese desperately exclaimed, shaking the girls back and forth. "she's right there, look, please!"

chaewon looked back at her with an equal amount of desperation in her eyes, though for a completely different reason. "unnie... there's no one there..."

"what!?"

cool air whispered near sakura's ear, making her shudder. "yeah, sakura... there's no one here?" you giggled. she flushed red and turned around to shove you, but her arms went straight through. damn it, why were you a ghost?

"i don't know what happened when we left you, but i just know we should've dragged you back with us!" the tall girl cried out, genuinely worried for her friend. until chaewon started giggling at the sight of sakura fighting the air with her own eyes and they both started giggling together.

eventually, they both calmed down and sat at the desks, though they picked the ones right next to the door just in case they really saw something. chaewon and yunjin explained they couldn't see or hear anything, but it was exceptionally cold in the classroom, more than outside. and when y/n lingered closer to them, the iciness intensified.

unfortunately sakura couldn't stay this time, since the pair's calmness started to wear off and they started getting paranoid again. the older girl's interactions with the "ghost" seemed less entertaining and more... get her a therapist, ASAP.

you took notice of this and convinced sakura to take them home, and that you wouldn't mind.

sakura left with a final grumble, dragging the two by their collars and complaining about them, to them. she was going to get to the bottom of this.

"i just don't understand why they can't see you, why can i see you but not them?"

sakura was sitting at her usual spot, having returned the next night to visit you again. instead of you occupying the seat adjacent to her, however, you decided to sit crisscrossed on top of the desk in front of her.

you pursed your lips, then blew out an icy breath into her face. she frowned. "maybe it has to do with my last wish."

"uh, what last wish?"

"i mean," you sighed. "it's the whole reason i'm stuck here. the dead that remain on earth typically have a last wish that ties them down here, and only someone who meets specific requirements can help them go on to the afterlife. usually the reapers meet those prerequisites, so they help the spirits."

"my requirements would probably be... i don't know, someone who went to school with me, or maybe someone who came looking for specifically me? again, i'm not sure. maybe mine would be easier if i died in a more natural way."

this sparked a tinge of curiosity in sakura. you never really talked about how you died, always managing to avoid the topic and discuss something unrelated. "how did you die?"

"mmh, i jumped off the roof. and splat! i died."

"wha..."

why did you talk about it so casually? were you okay? why did you... what the fuck? maybe... maybe there was a reason you never talked about it? and this was just your way of coping, sakura didn't know. sakura wanted to know, and also know more about you. every bit of information about you that she uncovered stuck to her like glue. her infatuation with you not only as a ghost but also as a person was growing, and she wondered what would've happened if she never agreed to the initial test of courage. she wanted so badly to ask you, but the empathy in her told her not to pry further.

anyway...? reapers? other spirits? there were still ghosts on earth other than you? suddenly sakura didn't seem so ashamed that she spent all day, everyday in her room. but that's besides the point!

"so what's your last wish?"

you tapped your finger against your chin, furrowing your eyebrows. "hmm... i don't remember!"

"huh!?"

"but if i try hard enough, i'm sure it'll come up!"

"y/n..."

now, over the next few days you and sakura pretended like nothing happened. no last wishes, no death talk, just continuing on like before.

sakura, being the nerd tech-wizard she was, managed to get the projector working so she could have a bigger screen than the tiny one on the switch, and also watch films through her laptop, on the netflix account that yunjin didn't know she still had access to.

you figured out how to turn some of the lights in the corridors on, which let you and sakura venture out into the school and have a change of environment. sure, the artroom was cozy now, but sometimes getting out of there was refreshing for you.

"you're so warm, kkura," you murmured, making it appear as if you were laying on her lap where she was sitting at the end of the hallway. the lights flickered every so often, and the raven-haired girl's phone was about to die. they were a tad far from the art room, so when the battery finally ran out they would have to make do with the flickering lights.

she giggled, tapping the cold air where your nose would be. you scrunched up your face in response. "don't lie. can ghosts even feel warmth?"

"no... but i can feel your warmth, promise," you pouted. you were her weakness, really. she wished everyone else could see you but well, was it selfish of her that she was glad she was the only one who could?

sakura looked to the right, where the rest of your body was. huh, your legs weren't visible from this angle.

...wait a minute.

"where are your legs?"

your pout morphed into a frown of confusion, raising an eyebrow at the japanese girl. "huh?"

you then looked down, expecting to prove her wrong and that your legs were as intact as a ghost's legs could be... only to see that the lower half of your body was indeed gone, from the knees down. the rest of your body seemed to fade into nothing.

"huh. my legs are gone," you affirmed. "oh my god! my legs are gone!"

your gaze switched between sakura's equally as afraid face, and your missing legs. then it all became dark. the lights had gone out.

"y/n? y/n! the lights, the lights are... are you there still?"

"yes... the lights went out, so i can't see anything. does your phone still turn on?"

"don't ghosts have some sort of night vision? why can't you—agh..." she tried holding the power button on her phone, but what showed on the screen was the dead battery icon. "fuck."

the lights flickered, and both of your faces lit up in hope, until they went out again. then, the lights ahead flickered, and the pattern repeated. this was like in those dramatic scenes when the lights would turn on whenever you moved the character towards them, except they turned on by themselves. oh shit. she'd have to run quick if she wanted light.

luckily, you thought the same. "kkura, let's run."

and through the ceiling lights that flickered on and off in succession, sakura ran. she could only see you for seconds at a time, when the lights would make you visible, but you were smiling as you lead her through the corridors.

when you finally made it to the (thankfully) still-lit art room, you disappeared. "y/n? where'd you go?"

in fear, she spun around frantically, trying to see if you were anywhere near the classroom. did your last wish get granted and you just disappeared? no, she couldn't live with that. there's no way running through the hallway as if you were in an indie horror game was your last wish. where were you? what if—

"boo."

"jesus—jesus fuck!"

there you were, your knee-less form doubling over in laughter. "y/n, i thought you were gone for real! oh my god!"

"oh my—you should've seen the look on your face! you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"you're laughing. i almost suffered a heart attack from you and you're laughing."

you floated back up to her at eye-level, flashing a crooked grin. "sorry, kkura. but wasn't that fun?"

and, like many other occasions, sakura found herself failing to say no to you.

"i guess."

you were fading away.

it was the thing that happened when ghosts' last wish were granted naturally, not instantaneously like with a reaper. most wished for anyone but a reaper, so they could savor their true last moments left on earth, to fade away into the air and move on peacefully. not to be forcefully flown up to the afterlife, watching their surroundings become smaller as they got further up. it even made some of them queasy. unfortunately for them, only a certain amount of people found peace without the help of a reaper.

similar to when you revealed the truth of your death, you and sakura both chose to ignore how you were fading.

it had gotten significantly less colder than when sakura had first met you. only half your ghost form was visible; your hips down were gone now. sakura tried her best to ignore the gnawing feelings burning in her chest whenever she looked at you.

to alleviate her inner turmoil, she looked into some strategies to destress. this case was at 2 am, on some crappy wikihow articles with silly little illustrations. many suggested reading to relax the mind and body, but that was more of a yunjin thing. so she researched other calming hobbies.

crocheting had become a recent hobby of hers, something to kill time with in the daytime when she wasn't out. it quickly started to become an obsession—she would use every bit of her free time, whether it was during a cutscene in baldur's gate 3, before and after she took a nap, or whenever she wasn't out with friends.

"when'd you learn to crochet?"

sakura looked up to see you staring curiously at her hand movements, fascinated at the way she maneuvered the metal hook like it was second nature. "just last week. it's all i do nowadays."

she focused back to her project, stitching the beige yarn with her hook and occasionally glancing at the pattern on her phone screen. it was true, crocheting was all she did nowadays, added to her routine of gaming and being dragged to hangouts. she brought her crocheting tools everywhere with her, to everyone's complaint.

("pay attention to us unnie!" sakura recalled yujin whining, with wonyoung holding her back with a look of worry. chaewon and the couple had come over to the older girl's apartment, only to be met with her rotting away in her bed with her hook and yarn. it took 20 minutes of begging (yujin and chaewon) and coaxing (wonyoung) for them to finally play wii party.)

"i'm making a hat," she continued, meeting your gaze.

you smiled, resting your elbows on top of the wooden desk and leaning your chin against your palms. "is it for someone special?"

'fuck. how'd you know?' your question automatically led to the bright blush that had settled on her face, burning her cheeks so much that she had to break from your stare.

"i knew it! tell me, tell me!"

well, sakura didn't want to out herself. but then again, she knew you wouldn't give up that easily.

"...it's for you. i thought maybe, you could take it with you, when you... yeah."

"..."

the silence that followed scared the girl. it was the first time your disappearance had been mentioned ever since it was discovered. she hesitantly looked back up, biting her lip.

you blew a gust of cold-ish air at sakura, flashing a toothy grin. she had gotten used to your intense cold, but now it didn't feel any worse than the broken aircon.

"thanks, kkura."

there was something different about the school today. maybe it was because sakura decided to stop by a little earlier than usual, just before midnight. there was a full moon tonight, revealing thousands of stars that were truly a sight to behold. the japanese girl wanted to share the view with you.

the resounding echoes of her footsteps were eerily loud. sakura felt her heart beat in her throat, her palms getting clammy. that wouldn't do, she had to keep the cat-eared beanie in pristine condition—she stayed up countless nights to finish it for you.

it had been three weeks since the initial meeting, but in those three weeks, sakura found herself falling for a ghost. she couldn't get enough of you—at first it was a reaction to your beautiful appearance. in all of the games or movies she had seen and played, ghosts were more... ghastly. you, however, you appeared as a regular human; if your very presence wasn't chilling to the bone, or if you didn't float, she might as well have assumed you were another person looking for the infamous ghost.

and you, the art room ghost, were a spectacle. it was a crime that sakura didn't know about you sooner. maybe if you had met in school all those years ago, this situation would have been incredibly different. you went to the same school, only a year above her, yet you'd left no trace behind.

there were probably rumors floating around about your suicide, yes, but she'd returned to japan for more than six months, starting from the middle of her second year, to the middle of the summer before her third, in which she'd be graduating. it was no wonder she never heard about it. you'd done it a week before you would've graduated, and sakura was gone by then.

you were so bright, curious, relaxed, and frankly, unserious. it contrasted so strongly against the stereotypical, moody ghost, that it also intrigued sakura a copious amount.

sakura found solace in you. simple as that—she couldn't see herself without you now. and she wouldn't know what to do with herself when you would eventually disappear. you were lovely.

as she approached the door of the art room, she felt a sudden chill, before it dissipated into warmth, like a fire lit inside of her gut, burning everything in its way and leaving it in ruins. for the first time, she hesitated, afraid to slide open the door and see you.

the classroom was bathed in the soft, pale light of the moon streaming through the dusty windows, setting a peaceful atmosphere. through sakura's fear-stricken eyes, she could see you, your form reduced to one that she could barely notice if not for her seeking gaze.

"you came," you turned around, a smile on your face. for some reason, your full body was back, but it was more faint than ever. she stepped closer to you, into the light that shined onto the desks. from the front of the room where you were standing, sakura could see all the memories the two of you had made, from the fairy lights to the fixed projector.

she set the beanie onto the wooden surface and bit her lip. "i'm here."

you grinned at the object, tilting your head at the student. "for me?"

a nod.

her eyes gradually filled with tears, threatening to burst out like a dam. "i don't want you to go."

"i know."

the tears burned a trail down sakura's cheeks. she couldn't afford to blink, what if you disappeared in a split second?

you reached out with your hand to cup her cheek, returning her gaze of anguish with a remorseful stare of your own. "thank you for granting my peace. do you want to know what my wish was?"

"what?" the japanese girl choked out. your face was a blurry mess due to the tears that blocked her vision. she wiped them furiously with trembling hands, but to no avail—they just kept coming.

in a slowly timed manner, you cupped her other cheek with your hand and leaned in, planting a cold kiss to her lips that lingered even after you pulled away.

"i finally made another friend."

a pang in the chest. sakura couldn't even respond, too caught up in the moment and feeling every emotion she had ever felt in her twenty years of life, into one jumbled up pile. you were fading; your body becoming more transparent by the second.

"if only... in better circumstances, you know?" you whispered. she swore she could see tears rolling down your cheeks. "we could've been more than that."

the last sakura saw of you that night was your bittersweet smile, fading away into nothingness. the beanie lay untouched on the desk, the fairy lights where she last left it, and the projector ready to play hollow knight on her switch.

she was alone in the art room.

eat. sleep. crochet. repeat. sakura hadn't left the vicinity of her room in two days. living off of shitty top ramen packets and cans of redbull, she didn't even know what she was crocheting. she hadn't logged onto any games either.

miyawaki sakura was lost.

without you, she didn't know what to do. there was nothing waiting for her in the unholy hours after midnight. no one to watch her play games on a school projector. no one to look forward to seeing.

her friends came knocking on her door, letting themselves in but giving up as soon as they saw how far gone she was. she wouldn't budge, only answering with a half-assed "mhm..." or "right..." as she stitched the beige yarn with almost mechanical movements.

the yarn had been continuously weaved into a long, stretching piece, pooling around her as she worked at a depressing yet strenuous pace.

"sakura-unnie..." chaewon tugged at the mourning girl's sleeve. "this isn't healthy..."

"mhm..."

yunjin frowned, almost tearing up at the older girl's pitiful state. "what could've happened to her? she's never done this before."

"maybe it's the ghost?" chaewon turned to look at the blonde, who was sitting on the edge of the black gaming chair. "doesn't look like she's been back there for a while."

sakura tensed. a stray tear made it out the corner of her eye.

"y/n," she murmured, then going back to crocheting.

"is there something we can do, unnie?"

"it's not like we can bring her back, yunjin."

bring you back? bring you back... summoning the dead... would it count if you'd already ascended? no, never mind that. summoning circles... demons... you weren't a demon, you were obviously an angel. occult...

sakura did recall a section dedicated to the occult at the campus library.

she dropped her hook and yarn, getting out of bed and pushing past the two girls, who were clearly bewildered at her actions. she had to go get books.

but that would take forever, wouldn't it?

she strided back into her room, taking hold of the girls' wrists.

"we're going to the library."

"for what!?" chaewon yelped. sakura had a killer grip, unexpected coming from a gamer who was a shut-in most of the time.

"i'm going to bring y/n back."

"you're kidding, right!? that's something in the movies! i—you're not listening..." chaewon groaned.

yunjin wrinkled her nose. "could you at least take a shower first? no offense, unnie, but you smell... it's at least not as bad as passing by the boys' locker room though."

oh shit. she hadn't left her room in two days.

"we're going to the library after."

"witch's handbook... herbs and hexes..."

sakura, having freshly showered and changed into some suitable clothes that weren't just sweats and an old pokémon hoodie, skimmed through a variety of books in the supernatural section of the library. yunjin was surrounded by piles of books on a nearby table, sitting with her face smushed into the wooden surface.

chaewon had been trying as diligently she could to aid the older girl in her search, but most of the books were fiction or sounded... not very promising.

she glanced worriedly to her friend, who was in a manic state. "kkura-unnie, i really don't think—"

"necromancer's manual," the japanese gasped out. she tugged the dusty book out of its placw between two other 'magic' books, and rushed over to where yunjin was dozing off.

the slam of the book echoed throughout the library, which was mostly empty save for librarian who glared over at their general direction. the noise and vibrations it sent through the table woke up the blonde, making her jump to her feet and salute.

"i'm up, ma'am!"

"hey, who are you calling... nevermind."

sakura began reading the faded text printed on the first pages of the book. "the path of a necromancer is one of darkness and... ugh, don't care... approach these teachings with respect, for the dead may not forgive, and the power to summon them is as much a curse as it is a gift."

yunjin and chaewon stood behind her, though not reading the book but crossing their fingers hoping that the older girl gave up and would go back to being the sakura that they know and love. this whole trip to the library she was off in her own world, going on and on about how she was going to get this y/n back. she didn't even tell yunjin to step on the brakes way before she actually had to.

it took them one look at sakura: her widened eyes, the frown that was etched onto her face. she was about to do something crazy. something that might kill her if it succeeded. but they're not sure if she was even thinking about such things; sakura was clouded with a mix of emotions so strong that she seemed like a whole new person.

it was almost as if she were reborn.

step one: gather your materials. to summon the dead is a perilous task, and to do as such is a path filled with trouble. fret not, for you have made it this far, and backing out is always viable if need be.

below is a list of materials that will aid you. note that these are suggestions, and if you are to rekindle specifics, these may not apply.

chalk, to draw the main summoning grounds in the form of a standard pentagram

five palm wax candles

sea salt, to be sprinkled around the circle

parchment and a quill or other utensil, for the person's name to be written on and burned as the finalization of the ritual

one white lily

an object dear to the person

of course, there were extra measures needed to be taken for sakura to fully do this. the amount of shady wikihow tutorials she pulled up was alarming. it wasn't her fault though. what if she messed up while drawing the pentagram? and where the hell would she get palm wax candles? ordering online would take too long. so... she called up her good friend and little sister of chaewon: eunchae.

eunchae had many connections. all it took was a few texts and the younger girl had showed up to her apartment, kyujin in tow, with a box of premium palm wax candles. they looked to be very expensive, but with whatever witchery eunchae did, she only had to pay a whopping... nothing at all, actually. thank god for eunchae.

sea salt, chalk, and the white lily were easy to obtain. she had sea salt from her kitchen, chalk that she never gave back to yunjin, and went to go buy a single white lily from the florist next to the local bookstore which was famous for housing four cats.

the parchment was slightly harder to find, but she managed it by stopping by some antique store that was dustier than chaewon's garage. as for the quill... well, a fountain pen was close enough, right? whatever. sakura didn't have much time left, the only thing left was to get something that meant a lot to you... but what could it be? you didn't talk much about your own life in general, at least the important bits. but you did talk about your best friend sometimes.

best friend...

kang seulgi, the prodigy. admired by many, though some thought her as enigmatic. she had an impeccable fashion sense, was incredibly selfless, and was absolutely stunning.

but out of all people, she chose to spend most of her time with not only an underclassman but quite frankly the quietest one. the girl, y/n, chose to work alone in every group project—no one knew why the teachers let her get away with it. whenever she did talk to someone, they could barely hear her. so when one of the most popular students in school approached her, everyone was shocked.

they were quick friends. eventually they were seen everywhere together, especially in the art room. seulgi would paint or draw, and y/n would watch. sometimes the younger would be the model, and sometimes she would lounge around on her phone while eating honey butter chips.

seulgi and y/n talked about anything and everything. from the interesting topics of the day like the substitute teacher in the second years' history class, to the most mundane things like a slight change to the lunch menu. they were glued by the hip; one would never be seen without the other.

of course, this changed when seulgi graduated. y/n became as isolated as ever, always having a sullen look on her face. she spent her last year with minimal interactions with others, disappeared during lunch breaks, and rarely attended school events.

and... eventually she couldn't take it anymore. during lunch, she went up to the rooftop, slipped off her shoes, and started freefalling.

sakura did not know of this information. but she did know one thing: seulgi probably held her best friend's most precious item. or at least knowledge of it. she was going to revive that stupid idiot no matter what it took.

from: [email protected] to: [email protected] hello ms. kang seulgi, i would like to schedule a meeting with you. it is not for a commission, but something very personal. i know we have not yet met, but i need you to consider my request. i need to ask you a question about someone you were very close with in your high school years. someone by the name of y/n. best regards, miyawaki sakura

"good morning."

"...good morning," seulgi hesitantly greeted, taking a seat across sakura in a rather quiet coffeeshop. "so, you need to ask me about y/n?"

the japanese raised her eyebrows. she was straight to the point, but it saved her some time. "yes. look, you may not believe me, but i met her as a ghost some time ago, but i was the only one who saw her. and long story short, she disappeared into thin air and i need to bring her back."

to no one's surprise, seulgi was narrowing her eyes at her. "um, you mean to tell me that the girl that i heard killed herself, came back as a ghost that only you could see, suddenly disappeared again?"

"yeah."

"ms. miyawaki, was it?"

"that's me."

"...have you been to therapy?"

well, fuck. how was she supposed to explain herself?

she started by explaining how she met the ghost. the haunted school rumor, the first conversation, the daily meetups, and the like. it was a lengthy explanation, one that had the artist furrow her eyebrows at every passing second. but sakura was willing to do whatever it takes, even if it cost her dignity.

surely seulgi held the key.

seulgi frowned, drumming the pads of her fingers against the table. "what does this have to do with me?"

"i'm going to attempt a summoning. y/n has meant too much to me in such a short time, and it will cost my entire being if i can't see her again," sakura stated, a raging mania storming her eyes. she crossed her legs and clasped her fingers together. "i need something that was important to her. and i believe you, kang seulgi, are in possession of whatever it is."

"and what if i do have it? interfering with the dead is ridiculous, even if you told your story," a flash of hurt passed, her face remaining solemn yet sorrowful. "is this what y/n... would've wanted?"

sakura's eyes widened. would you want her to do this? no, never mind that. "we can't ask. y/n died without accomplishing what she wanted most. don't you want her to achieve her dreams?"

the drumming paused. "...and if i don't have it?"

"then i swear on my life that i will get that item no matter what."

"i couldn't back then, but... will you take care of her?"

"one hundred percent."

"..."

"thank you," sakura collected the envelope and stood up from the chair, the metal legs screeching against the floor. "and i'm sorry. i love her. and i know you did too."

seulgi stayed in her seat, reflecting on actions that she couldn't reverse. ones that could not be reversed because they were never done in the first place.

if she had reached out, would this turn out differently? was she right to trust this stranger who claimed to know your name?

she stood from the metal chair with shaky legs, and walked out.

dear seulgi,

it's me. i just want to say that i'm sorry. i should've kept contact with you before it was too late. i know you're going to say it was never going to be too late, but i can't take it anymore.

every second passes by and everyone looks at me with such a look of pity. at first they asked me where you were, before realizing you graduated and laughed it off. i can't laugh it off, you were my other half. my best friend. it was always y/n and seulgi, seulgi and y/n.

nowadays i spend all of my spare time in the art room or somewhere outside. they don't use the art room anymore, you know? said they ran out of budget to support the art department, and shut it down. i buy whatever's left at the school store and eat in there.

i'm tired. i can't wait another year or whatever just so i can see you again. we haven't talked. i miss you.

i'm graduating next week.

i think i'm going to die before then.

- y/n

the candles were set up. she had to pull up the wikihow article for the pentagram, but regardless, it was done. the sea salt was sprinkled and the parchment was prepared. she set the letter in the center, along with the white lily.

eyes devoid of emotion, she took a deep breath, and let the parchment burn. the crackling sounds were crisp to her ear, reminding her that it was too late to turn back.

"and with this offering..."

she's reminded of the memories you made together. the gaming sessions, conversations, and your departure. the you that she met was so different from the one in the letter.

"i seek to reforge a bond with thee."

the explorations after turning the lights on, and how the last one was the introduction of something that would take you away.

"within these sacrificial flames, i humbly ask thee to appear before mine eyes."

bow down. once, twice. she felt the heat of the candles on her cheeks. they were emitting the only source of light in the classroom.

and now, you were to appear before her. or so she thought. instead, she was faced with nothing. not a sound—the windows were shut along with the curtains and the door was closed.

sakura remained bowed down. squeezing her eyes shut and denying that all of this was fake. denying that it was, indeed, all for naught. denying that her friends were right and seulgi was right and everyone was right and she wasn't.

blinded by her guilt and grief, for someone who was peacefully resting now. she would return to her apartment and go back to her normal life, whether she liked it or not. the pool of yarn was still sitting on her bed, the beanie on her desk.

she would also have to apologize to everyone she knew. yunjin and chaewon, who were only concerned for her well being but were dragged into the preparations.

seulgi, who she hunted down and persuaded to give up what could've been the last she had of you.

a wet substance dripped down her cheek and onto the creaky, wooden floor. and another drop joined the first, and then it came in a steady flow.

you wouldn't have wanted this.

you would've wanted her to move on. and be happy that the short relationship even happened.

you wouldn't have wanted her to drown in grief, then be consumed by mania in an attempt to desecrate the laws of the world.

you would've wanted her to remember you. not bring you back.

sakura ruined whatever trust you had in her. disrespected your death, and your disappearance. she didn't know how she was going to atone for the dents she made in other lives.

her sleeves were now soaked in tears. her nails broke the skin of her palm and she bled. indents of the wrinkles of her pants were left on her knees.

sakura pushed herself off the ground, only to be flung by an inexplicably powerful gust of wind. it sent her crashing into the desks, her head spinning and unable to begin to comprehend what was happening. the curtains were forcefully ripped off from the impact of the wind, allowing the late night brightness seep into the classroom.

a trail of blood slid down from her forehead. a headache pounded into her temple. she closed her eyes for a split second and saw her late grandpa.

her mind was clear as mud, even as the door slid open. she slowly turned her head to the entrance, mouth falling agape.

someone very, very familiar.

sakura's mouth opened and closed, unable to form any words.

the girl furrowed her brow and adjusted her uniform skirt, looking around at the mess in the art room. her gaze eventually landed on sakura, who was crumpled on the floor, leaning against the desks which were scattered from her fall. she was bleeding from her head, which added to her confusion.

she tilted her head, her nametag glinting in the moonlight. slowly stepping forward and towards the bleeding girl and poking her unbloodied cheek. "who are you?"

the familiar girl's touch was warm. sakura's throat became dry, a fresh batch of tears flowing down her cheeks.

"y-y/n..."

a/n : hello!!! so sorry for the wait :) this was longer than i thought, and much deeper than i originally intended but oh well. thank you for reading until the end 😁

#miyawaki sakura x reader #sakura x reader #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim #le sserafim imagines #girl group imagines #girl group x reader #le sserafim sakura #miyawaki sakura #gxg

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