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nothingbutaspaceman-writings · 3 months

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It's Always Supernatural in Philadelphia (chapter 1/? WIP)

[Perhaps the dumbest project I've ever started. This idea has infested my head for over a decade. A couple years ago, I posted a pic of the cold open but recently decided to pick it back up. At about 1400 words, this is far more a proof of concept than anything. I've never written/read a fanfic. I know I need to look into posting this on a site more formatted for this stuff. I'll be mapping out the story soon so posted chapters can have some consistency. Should edit this chapter a bit too. I also haven't watched either of these shows in a long time. The story ostensibly takes place in 2016 but what's happening in either canon continuity at the time? I've no clue. AU, I guess.]

11 AM.

October 28th, 2016.

On a Friday.

Philadelphia.

Dennis made small talk while finding a clean glass.

“You guys from around here?”

“Nah. Passing through.”

“Don’t get a lot of suits in here. Don’t mind me askin’, what’s your business, fellas?”

Sam cleared his throat. “We’re, uh... P.I’s.”

“Any interesting pic-”

With a clatter, Charlie stumbles to the counter. “Dennis. It’s not dying. I keep whacking and-”

Shushing, “Did you use the spiked bat?”

Offendedly stammering, “Of course! Never seen a rat like this. And you know I’ve seen a lot-”

“Like what?” Dean interjected.

“Oh, hey guys. Green.”

_________________________________

The Gang Hunts El Chupacabra

_________________________________

Chapter 1

Charlie leads Dean toward the basement door.

“Okay, I guess it’s fair to warn you, seeing as how you’re a guest and all-”

“Warn me of what?”

“I have a shit-ton of crows down here. So, like. Please don’t spook them?” Charlie opens the door and leads the way down the stairs. “Ya know they’re more afraid of you than you are of them. Also, like, crows are super smart. I once saw one smoke a cigarette.”

“Cool. Now show me that rat.”

Blood pools in a spot a bit over a foot in diameter a couple steps away from the bottom of the stairs. Charlie is chuckling to himself repeating, “That rat, that rat, that rat” under his breath.

Dean crouches down with a flashlight to examine the blood then does a 360 checking for escape routes under pallets and cabinets. No tracks. He lightly dips his finger into the blood as he catches Charlie doing the same. “So you’re say-”

“What?”

“Did you taste the blood?”

“Nah, man. I’m just... Chewing my nails. Protein.” He stands up and puts his hands in his jacket pockets.

“This was a rat but not a rat?”

“Ima level with you,” Barely keeping his balance, Charlie hunches down and continues in a hush, “I’ve seen a lot of rats. A lot of rats in my day. But this was something else. Actually,” he claps his hands once and the crows squawk in a frenzy, “can I interest you in some Crow-Nog?”

“What?!”

Upstairs, Sam is trying to get his laptop working. He’s looking under each booth for a socket with power. The only one is being used by a couple charging their phones.

“Hey, do you guys mind if I borrow your socket for a minute? I can charge your phones on my laptop.” The young couple look across at each other waiting for the other to say something. “Alright. Um. Sir? If you wouldn’t mind swapping sides. Your lovely date would appreciate it, I’m sure.”

The young man gets up. “I’ll go order us a couple more drinks.”

“I’m okay,” Sams blurts before realizing his social faux pas. He makes eye contact with the woman and she smiles. He taps his fingers nervously and his eyes look to the table.

“Actually. I think the two of us are leaving. Come on.” The non-descript couple leaves with one rushing the other.

Dennis, watching the situation unfold, stands at the table. “Did you- was that intentional?”

“I’m sorry...”

“Dennis.”

“I’m sorry, Dennis, but I need to get to work.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.” Dennis lingers a couple seconds longer than Sam would like but goes back behind the bar. As he does, Dean and Charlie emerge from the basement. Dean’s eyes quickly meet Sam’s and he slides into the booth.

Sam exhales, half annoyed he’s being interrupted again, half in preparation for what Dean is gonna reveal. “So what happened?”

“I think we’re on the right track. Freddy Got Fingered over there told me he has seen weird things around here. He tried to get me to drink something called Crow-Nog but there’s other witnesses.”

“Other witnesses? Friends with that guy?” Sam points to Charlie trying to open a bottle of super glue with his mouth.

“Yeah, why?” Dean returns assuredly. “Anything good in there?”

“Well, nothing to report as of yet. I don’t know if this place even has internet.”

“Did you ask your friend over there?” Dennis is failing to look natural as he wipes and re-wipes the bar top.

“I’ll ask mine when you ask yours.” Charlie is trying to open a bottle of nail polish remover with his glued shut jaw.

“Fair enough. Didn’t we order drinks already?”

“Yeah. I’m going to let mine go. I wouldn’t drink anything here even if it was out of a bottle.”

“What do you mean? Alcohol kills all the germs.” Dean smirks. “Yo! Two beers. Your worst and your best.”

With a thumbs up, “You got it.” Dennis turns to the taps and rambles to himself unsure of how to fulfill the request. In one pint glass, he pours a pungent lager. He once read that good lager smells like rotten egg so, even if it is spoiled, he has the plausible deniability of it being fancy. “Charlie.”

Charlie is already right behind him, wiping nail polish remover from his lips in embarrassment.

“I’m not even going to ask. Charlie, what’s the best beer here?”

“Crow-Nog, duh, Dennis.”

“I’m not!” Hushing himself, “I’m not giving anybody your bird moonshine, okay?”

“Then whatever is in that third tap. I’ve been,” his eyes dart back and forth, “metaphorically sucking the spout.”

Another pint glass is grabbed and filled with a brick red tinted liquid. “This better be beer.” Dennis places the two glasses on the table. The lager in front of Dean. Charlie’s pick spilling over onto Sam’s laptop.

“They’re both for me, buddy.” The lager is already half-drank before the final syllable escapes.

“Sorry about my janitor over there. He can get a wee excited for guests.” They all look at Charlie as he licks a nail polish brush. “Let’s ignore him. So what are you guys working on?”

“Mr...”

“Reynolds.”

“Mr. Reynolds,” his empty pint is scooted towards the wall as he lowers his voice, “have you seen anything out of the ordinary around here.”

“Out of the ordinary,” a million flashbacks, “around here?”

“Yeah. You know. Strange. Unnatural.”

Ready to follow their monsters-are-real scripts, Sam and Dean both focus on Dennis

“Did Charlie put you up to this?” Dennis gulps and flatly repeats, “Did Charlie put you up to this, huh?” He chuckles, puts his hands on his waist, and looks at the ground before looking through Dean. “Wow. Okay guys. How about you finish your drinks and,” he clicks his tongue, “hit the old dusty trail.”

“We’re being serious.”

“So am I. It was nice, guys.” Walking away, Dennis scolds Charlie for eating nail polish. As Dean begins to drink the mystery drink, “And quit putting your whole mouth on the beer taps. I’m not going to tell you again.”

Deans spits out his drink and Sam laughs. “Let’s get out of here, Sammy.”

Mac holds the door as the brothers exit. He lets them by, straightens his posture, and sizes them up.

“Who were those guys?”

“Assholes,” replied Dennis.

“I thought they were kinda cool. Didn’t wanna try my nog but that’s okay. Can’t all be winners.”

“Dude, we need to move the nog.”

“Man, I know. Those guys were cool too. They were also super packing.”

Mac’s eyes widened. “No shit?”

“Definitely. The shorter guy,” he whistles, “was in the basement with me.”

“And?”

“And what. He had ‘I’m packing’ energy, dude!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Dennis interrupts, pouring a red beer for Mac to get him to sit down, “Maybe that guy you talked with. Tall guy, nah. Don’t buy it.”

“I do. I buy it, Charlie. I was checking those- I was,” Mac takes a quick sip, “ assessing those guys. Tall guy. I bet he’s packing. I mean, did you see his hands?”

“Oh yeah. I was glad he stayed up here with Dennis.”

“Why were you in the basement together? Is it about the crows?”

“The murder?”

“The what?!” Almost spilling his drink, Mac stumbles to his feet. “I actually. I just remembered a thing. I gotta go.” Mac leaves the bar.

“You gonna finish that?”

“Mac’s beer that is infested with whatever diseases hide in your saliva glands?”

“Yeah.”

“Take it.”

Charlie pulls a plastic mini-bottle out of his jacket and pours the white substance into the beer. “I’ll be in the basement. Call me up if Frank comes by, yeah?”

#fanfic #fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #it's always sunny in Philadelphia #it's always sunny in Philadelphia fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #dennis reynolds #charlie kelly #it's always Supernatural in Philadelphia #nothingbutaspaceman #short story #short stories #it'll be cool when I get to the point that I can add gay tags to this

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