#it's also because my energy levels have been very low for a while

[thevioletcaptain]

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[inside-lees-mind]

hi could i rq. general konoha 11 + sand siblings nsfw hcs ! (aged up/boruto ver obv) <3

Also: nobody understands Uchihas better than I do and I don’t even like most of em. /j Why are they all practically evil in fics? I’m going crazy. Most of them are clearly softies when it comes to love. Am I right or am I right???

And sorry, you can tell who I have more ideas for and who I was drawing a blank on.

Oh and sorry yall for the gap in my writing. This one took a while. I’ve been working on it for a bit. And part of it got lost and deleted, so I rewrote it. A long with a couple other stories got deleted and I lost some motivation for a moment lol

Konoha 13 + Sand Siblings HCs

Naruto Uzumaki

He’s energetic, and that 100% applies to in bed too.

Likely inexperienced, but eager. And a little nervous.

Talked big game beforehand, but even if you didn’t know before, you definitely know it was all talk now.

That being said, he’s a quick learner, even if he complains about being confused at first.

I think he’d have like little to no knowledge though, being such a loner for a while, in all. Hope you have patience.

That being said, he is a bit of a pervert with what he does know.

Overall though, he’d set a fast pace, but the sex would still be intimate and soft.

Praise. Praise. Praise. Giving and receiving.

Sasuke Uchiha

No experience, but he knows the ins and outs.

He wasn’t too concerned with sex or anything of that matter before, but when he returned to Konoha, he realized he had feelings for you. So he starts to think about it.

He’s not a pervert like Kakashi or Naruto, and he’d never lose his cool over sexy jutsu, BUTTT he’s secretly horny as hell. Like low sex drive usually, but just being around you makes it sky rocket to abnormal levels.

He’s very private about sex though, so usually only happens in your bedroom or… cough cough in a quiet forest with nobody around cough cough (if you know, you know)

He’s got a breeding kink. Next question.

Uses a mix of degradation and praises.

Lots of demanding, but also lots of giving soooo…

I truly believe Sasuke would be a softer partner than people make him out to be. Like did yall watch Boruto or not?? He’s got awkward and sweet energy. He’s TRYING. He’s emotionally stunted yall.

More dominant and likes to be in control, but will fall apart in your arms anyways. Usually more of a soft dom than anything.

One of the most likely to be fairly kinky though. I think he’d slowly discover he’s into things as they occur or cross his mind.

Sakura Haruno

She knows a lot about the human body.

Might have experience, might not. I could see it either way.

I think your first time with her would happen after like a romantic dinner together. And it would be romantic and slow.

But… that depends on you, because she’ll mostly go with what you want. It makes her happy.

She’s okay with being degraded or praised, but she really only likes to praise you.

Low sex drive.

She likes any position she can see your face.

She’s a switch, depends on her partner’s preference.

Sai Yamanaka

(Obviously not married here but just to have a last name to add)

He read a book about what to do.

Probably does something incredibly stupid at first, but that being said, he’s not an idiot, so not too bad.

You’d probably have to correct him a little bit. Also, tell him to forget the book and just go with the feeling and follow your lead.

You’d be in the lead at first. Probably go down on him first thing.

He’s not small. (I mean did you hear the way he talked to Naruto? He’s probably got something to work with if he’s talking so confidently LMFAO)

So you’d probably have to use your hand for the base while your mouth sucks on about half or so of his cock.

His hand tangles in your hair/rests on top, not pulling, but resting there.

He throws his head back, letting out soft sighs and small moans that escape his lips. He’s not trying to be quiet, but he’s not loud either.

Although, he might have read girls don’t like when guys make noise. Who knows. Then you might have to tell him that’s not true.

At first, sex is just discovering things with him. You’re both exploring how everything feels.

But, after a few times, he starts taking the lead and initiating.

He has a low sex drive though, so he won’t initiate too often.

It’s also hard to get him to realize what you’re asking for if you drop hints. He saw your underwear when you bent over… okay. He might even comment on how you should be more careful since he knows you don’t like to expose yourself so much.

You just deadpan and tell him it was supposed to turn him on.

“Oh.” And now he’s unbuckling his pants and asking you to come sit on his lap. :)

Shikamaru Nara

Low sex drive, usually at least, because now he’s consumed by the desire to be rode by you. Like he dreams about it.

He calls you troublesome to himself when he wakes up hard in the morning occasionally.

He lowkey loves to just lay between your legs or have you sit on his face so he can eat you out (pussy or ass, don’t matter)

Lazy morning sex. He loves it.

He’s dominant, but he can be rather lazy most the time. That being said, he will fuck you how you want him to if you ask.

Degrading but he’s not super mean about it at all. More like soft grunts with degrading terms, but the rest of it comes out more like soft sighs and groans of pleasure and praise.

Choji Akimichi

The sweetest. He takes his time with you every time.

Body worship. More so giving than receiving, but he’ll be a blushing mess if you give back the same energy.

Praise. Lots of it.

He’d be the type to kiss down your body, from your lips to your neck to your chest all the way down til he gets between your legs.

He can’t bring himself to be rough or harsh with you in anyway. No degradation, rough sex, or anything.

Likes to be able to see your face during sex.

He’d like to try food play.

Ino Yamanaka

Pillow princess unless asked to do otherwise.

She loves to be praised and worshipped, but also likes things rougher.

She’s a bit of a brat about things. Constantly going against what you say for fun.

She does it on purpose so you’ll go rougher on her, she likes it.

She also likes when things are slow and romantic though.

And she’d love it if you planned like a candlelit dinner and put a trail of rose petals on like Valentine’s Day, or even just cuz.

Shino Aburame

He’s in charge. He’s on top. Whatever. He doesn’t like to not have control.

He also just wants to please you, and often he’s not too worried about himself.

Might get a little self conscious if you skip over touching him or giving him head more than once. Like if it’s been a few times now and you haven’t bothered… did he do something?

He doesn’t need it, but he just… you know how he is.

He doesn’t make much noise.

But I do believe that right before he cums, he whimpers. He can’t help it, and don’t bring it up afterwards. He’ll be so embarrassed and not want to do it for a while because he’s scared he’ll do it again.

If he gets like that, just tell him you loved it. Then go down on him and tell him you wanna make him do it again.

He’s good with his hands, I just know it.

He can go rough and be stern and demanding, but other than that, he’s rather vanilla.

He’s a big fan of missionary so he can see your face.

And he doesn’t want to do anything unless it’s in your own home or absolute private, like an inn.

Kiba Inuzuka

Hickeys.

He loves giving them.

You will have like 20. From your jaw to your thighs, he’s marked. Plenty of them are visible and hard to hide because they’re dark.

He doesn’t exactly take his time. No, those hickeys are from the entire act. He starts leaving them during foreplay, then when he’s pounding into you, he quiets himself down by latching onto your skin.

When he eats you out, he leaves bite marks and hickeys around your thighs.

He calls it “marking his territory” then has to explain himself because no he doesn’t mean you’re a territory, you’re not a place or an object… he just… you’re his partner!

He’s rough.

Likes doggystyle most, but then he gets upset that he can’t see your face and next time he sets up a mirror.

Quickies. He can’t wait. He’ll whine if you tell him NO he can’t fuck you under the blanket, because YES people will notice the movement.

You might want to settle and pull him into a bathroom and let him fuck you over the counter, but he won’t force or beg you to the point of you giving in or anything. He’ll wait if you really mean no.

He’s got a high sex drive

Very likely to be pretty kinky. He’d be willing to tie you up, spank you, degrade you, etc.

He won’t do pet play. Thinks that shit is weird. So don’t think that because he’s a dog user, he’s gonna act dog like or have you act dog like. In fact, he’s more likely to hate it as a dog user.

I think he’d find any roleplay to be useless though. You could convince him if you wanted, but he’ll complain.

Hinata Hyuga

Much more intimate and gentle sex is what she wants

She’s not a pillow princess. She literally fantasizes about pleasing her partner.

Like probably day dreams, gets lost in her own thoughts, then is a blushing mess when she realizes that somebody is talking to her and she’s imagining what your moans would sound like when she’s between your legs, ESPECIALLY if the person talking to her is you.

She likes to do it in private, but she can’t deny that she imagines doing it where you both currently are. Not that she would.

Secretly has a high sex drive

Long refractory period though. She needs breaks between rounds.

Neji Hyuga

Took him a while to get vulnerable enough to take off his clothes if he’s being honest

Also I think Hyuga’s are very reserved and conservative until marriage, but he has such a tough time following that.

He really wants to jump your bones. And it’s almost like the fact he can’t because of his clan’s reserved and traditional nature just makes it WAYYYY more tempting.

You’re literally irresistible to him

Secretly, he’s just a little bit of a pervert. (Like Rock Lee’s Ninja Pals says he is)

I think he would have wet dreams from sexual frustration. Like the longer he holds back from having you under him, the worse it gets. Like a disease with no treatment.

I think your first time with him would be sudden, and it would be his first time ever.

You’d look WAYYYYY to good, and this time he can’t bring himself to ignore the boner he gets. No he’s gotta see if you’ll indulge him.

He may stop and pull away, get his act together if you remind him of his clan’s pride, and how he was so bent on following it before.

Maybe the first time, but by the next time he tries to give in, there is no try. He is cancelling any plans y’all had and tearing the outfit that made your body look so irresistible off.

He doesn’t have a super high sex drive, but he has such a hard time resisting just laying you down when you look so damn good. You are the reason he’s horny.

He loves when you ride him, and he WILL whimper. He tries not to, but Neji can’t be silent with the way you are squeezing him. The way you do it is so perfect, every bounce is drawing a noise out of him until he’s literally just letting out a stream of loud whimpers as he cums.

I think his cum would actually taste good. Next question.

Rock Lee

Perverted…

He feels bad for it when he catches himself, but Oop it’s too late… he’s got a boner

Boners are obvious in that green spandex…

He wouldn’t agree with doing it in public or semi-public though, but if you noticed his behavior or boner and pulled him off into the bathroom, ignoring his “this is indecent!” Protests because when you look at him before diving in to give him head, his eyes are literally pleading and he shuts up, pushing his hips towards your face.

He can’t be quiet so you’ll have stuff something in his mouth or cover it with your hand.

He secretly wants your chest in his face. He’s a chest guy. Boobs, pecks, whatever. He loves everything chest.

But he also loves ass. Small or big. Wants to grab a handful anyways.

Total switch

Because listen, he loves to pin your hips down and force you to accept the pleasure you’re trying to deny yourself.

Loves to pound his hips against yours until you’re a mess, but he also loves to do as you say.

He loves to be broken down until he’s in pieces by your mouth, body, words, whatever.

He whimpers like constantly, especially when he’s submissive. He tries to shut up when he’s dirty talking as he’s in charge, but he lets GO otherwise.

Tenten

I’m sorry her portion of this will be… lacking. I don’t know enough to say much. I love her, but I’ve never really thought about this at all.

I think she’d be a switch, but prefers to be in charge.

I think she’s depend greatly on you though.

If you don’t want to bottom/sub, that’s good.

Or vise versa.

She likes to take her time when she’s in control.

She’s fairly willing to try new things if you want to.

She enjoys going down on you most of all.

Gaara of the Sand

He’s very private about everything. He believes that his private life and his kazekage life should stay relatively separate. However, it is known that you are his partner. That’s no secret.

He’s not super into PDA, so it’s no surprise that he refuses to do anything risky or public in anyway.

He will not do it in the kazekage’s office. He has too much respect for it, but he also doesn’t want to get caught anyways.

He’s very intimate during. Slow and sensual for sure.

I can see him being into bondage, but like you get tied up, not him. But… depends. And might take some encouragement.

Refuses to hurt or degrade you for any reason. He only does praise. He could not bring himself to call you names or anything. Or to draw blood from you or hit you, etc. he doesn’t see why those things should be brought into the bedroom for ���fun.”

He doesn’t think they’re fun.

He knew like nothing about sex before you. I actually think he’d have no idea how to initiate at first so you definitely initiated it.

I think he’d be the type you have to teach what to do a bit, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Then next time, he’s got every spot memorized.

Awkward. Like the first couple times were awkward, but romantic and cute.

Kankuro of the Sand

One word: kinky.

He likes to degrade you with a shit eating grin on his face. His degradation feels like a compliment most of the time though. Like he calls you a slut and it feels like he’s calling you a prince/princess. It’s confusing.

He’s so good at dirty talk. He’ll have you writhing in your spot, desperate for him and he’s not even touched you yet.

He’s got incredible patience when it comes to you. He takes his time breaking you down into a mess for him.

His face paint would 10 billion percent be smeared across your thighs and chest. Your neck is purple from bites AND his face paint to the point you can’t tell which is which.

Only when you wash off the face paint do you realize he left way too many dark hickeys that’ll probably take at least a week to fade away.

Confront him about this and he’ll just laugh.

Don’t tempt him to leave more, because he will.

He forces you to maintain eye contact when he goes down on you. If you look away for more than like 3 seconds, he give you a little tap as a warning, but twice and he stops.

Orgasm denial for sure. He would be the type to make up an excuse as to why he pulled away. He tells you all sorts of excuses. “You weren’t moaning enough.” “You moved your hips too much. Stay still.” And of course, “you looked away.”

He can make you cum hard almost every single time. You see stars.

The most fun part for him isn’t dicking you down, it’s the breaking you apart and putting you back together again.

Temari of the Sand

Dominant. Dommy mommy for sure.

Even when she decides to “sub” or “bottom,” she’s not doing a good job at it. She’s still telling you what to do, where to move, etc.

She’ll pull your hair, slap you, etc. as long as you are okay with it and want her to.

Loves to boss you around, telling you what she wants. Demanding you to please her.

“Get on your knees”

Head pusher for sure, but you two have a like physical que to let each other know when it’s enough.

All that being said, sometimes she really really just wants sweet, slow sex. Intimate nights filled with nothing but love.

She likes to keep all of this private though. No public or risky stuff.

However, she does like to do it beyond just in bed.

Would be the type to start kissing all over your neck, unbuttoning your shirt while you’re trying to cook breakfast.

You might want to turn the stove off.

[wisteria-lodge]

What do you think of Bellatrix? Would you have liked to explore more dynamics about her?

I *love* unpacking sibling dynamics and toxic relationships, so of course I find Bellatrix fascinating. (Also "Bellatrix Lestrange" might be my favorite name in a series full of very good names. 10/10.)

To me, what's key about Bellatrix is that she's the oldest of the three Black sisters. She could have been written as the indulged, attention-seeking bratty baby... but that would be a less interesting character.

Growing up, I think Narcissa was probably the quiet, passive child. That's her strategy when Voldemort shows up and she's once again living with a powerful, unstable authority figure. (I mean we have no info about what Cygnus Black was like, but he's Walburga Black's younger brother, and I imagine they probably enforced each other's extremism and intensity after their brother got blasted off the tapestry.) Narcissa's strategy is fade to the background, don't react, don't let them see what you're thinking, let them ignore you.

(I also think it's very believable that she went subtly went low contact with the Blacks after she married Lucius. The Malfoys have *always* been much more squeamish about violence, and much more politically moderate. I think Narcissa likes that.)

Andromeda you can take in a couple of different directions, but she was probably the problem child/scapegoat. And if she wasn't before she married Ted, she DEFINITELY was after. She also looks so much like Bellatrix that Harry does a double take, which I think... would have really bugged Bellatrix growing up, and informed their dynamic. Bellatrix sees herself as SO exceptional that she wouldn't want to be compared to anyone... but if she were, then it would be important that any casual comparisons come out in HER favor. (Which can't have been fun for Andromeda.) It's interesting that Voldemort underlines the connection between the two sisters as a way to get under Bellatrix's skin, and it works *really* well. She's got a competitive streak.

Because Bellatrix would have 100% grown up the *Golden Child.* Powerful, driven, beautiful in a striking way. The Daddy's Girl energy is off the charts (and she was probably Aunt Walburga's favorite too.) Bellatrix is described as acting like a queen, which is exactly how she sees herself. She grew up in an echo chamber not only telling her that people like her were special and better... but that she was the most Special one within the Special group.

So she meets Lord Voldemort. He's beautiful, driven, brilliant, power levels off the charts. He's Grindelwald born again (but straight) (probably.) He's not just the Dark Lord, he's a King. He wants to rule the world as an immortal god-king. He tells Bellatrix that this is going to happen, and she believes him.

And like - of course she's into that. But also, seeing yourself as a temporarily embarrassed Immortal Goddess Empress requires such a specific self-concept. You are going to need a delusionally high opinion of yourself... but also enough talent/power/beauty/external validation to carry that idea into adulthood.

(also Rodolphus... he doesn't count. Good Marriage was just another box to check as a young woman so Bellatrix could remain Perfect. The rules are different if you're a Immortal Goddess Empress anyway. Any consort she had would be so far below her own power level, or the power level of her King, that he literally would not matter. But she's not going to have a *kid* with Rodolphus. She's Voldemort's favorite, Rodolphus is not good enough. You sire PRINCES with the KING.)

Voldemort of course would know all this. And we see him have so much fun finding ways to creatively torture Lucius. He's a sadist in general sure, but there's something specifically about bringing pureblood royalty low that he gets REALLY into. He *likes* bringing up the werewolf nephew-in-law and and watching Bellatrix scramble desperately for ground, crying, while the rest of the Death Eaters point and laugh. Until he tells them to cut it out, because he's the only one with enough power to do that.

And then Bellatrix goes back to her room and probably constructs a whole narrative about how that was actually Voldemort protecting her, because she's the most Special, and it's all in good fun really. Because the alternative is having to admit that she's not extraordinary, she's just a punching bag (like Lucius Malfoy.) This is where a lot of her anger and instability come from. Every time she's in a situation where someone else is doing something *more* or *better* ... she lashes out.

In the main timeline of the books this mainly shows up in her dynamic with the other Death Eaters (and Narcissa.) Bellatrix tries to give orders in Malfoy Manor and I am sure it really annoys her that Voldemort is using Lucius' house as his HQ. That isn't how it's supposed to go! We even get the fun detail that Dumbledore thinks Bellatrix is going to try really hard to get into Grimmauld place - and of course she does, she wants to volunteer the better HQ. Narcissa is sacrificing Draco for the Dark Lord? Well, Bellatrix would have five sons (hypothetically) and sacrifice them all (happily.) She tries to shift the blame for Department of Mysteries thing 100% onto Lucius, and gets really defensive when Snape implies that he has more emotional intimacy with Voldemort than she does.

But she's still really, really useful, and Voldemort knows this. She is talented, and powerful, and his best enforcer. So he would have so much fun dangling that carrot just out of reach, forever. The prophecy makes such a big deal about Voldemort marking Harry "as his equal," because that's just not a thing he does. BELLATRIX certainly isn't his equal.

(dumbledore though... we can maybe revisit.)

[mikimakiboo]

CAVE CANEM DRACONTEM

-> beware of the dog dragon

Draz Nightmare is very cute and I've been rambling with @ancha-aus in the notes again so here I am writing yet another fic when I already have three to work on

Please read it because I've been fighting for my life while writing it, just search #spider war and you will see

For those who haven't seen the baby, I doodled him

Ancha also wrote a tiny drabble that is just adorable !!!!! A very nice take on the situation !!! :D

Tw: cute baby dragon, rape allegory, yes I know these two warnings are horrible next to each other but I promise it's not that bad, I just have to warn about it because that's still a trigger, also injuries and reference to past abuse

Finished writing at 4am 👍🏻

Guardians were ancient creatures, created to protect, it wasn't rare for them to be more... creature-like than human-like, though they did have a more human form as to blend in better with the mortals, as to not scare them. The most frequent creatures were dragons, fierce and strong animals spitting fire, fearless and feared by all. Most guardians were dragon breeds.

Nightmare wasn't an exception to the rule. No one had ever seen his dragon form, but it was rumored to be gigantic, so strong it could destroy buildings with one whiplash from its tail, its fire so hot it could melt the stone of the mountains, so large it could eat you whole without needing to chew... needless to say, nobody ever tried to see the dragon, and Nightmare never had to show it to anyone, not even his own gang.

They did try to question him, curious, to beg him to show them his dragon form, but Nightmare always refused, stating that it was too dangerous and he didn't want to hurt them by accident, and, well, Nightmare was known to never lie, so they didn't push it and accepted that they would never see their boss turn into a dragon.

But fate has never been on Nightmare's side, he should have known that by now.

The balance hadn't been doing great these past few weeks, negativity levels were low, giving Dream and his team more power, making Nightmare's team struggle more to create enough negativity for the guardian. He was tired, his reserves were low, he couldn't keep pulling on them, he had to rest, to revert back to his primal form for a while and regain some energy. He didn't want to do that, he didn't want anyone to see the dragon, but if he kept delaying the tranformation he would end up reverting in a place where he wouldn't have been prepared to.

He sighed, standing up, he needed to find a hidden room in his castle where he wouldn't be bothered by anyone, a room where he could hide for a while, hopefully not too long as to not worry his teammates, maybe for a night, then he would turn back into a skeleton and act normal during the day. No one would have to see him.

Having selected and rearranged the room, he quickly made sure nobody was around and reverted to his dragon form, letting his magic wrap him in a flashing purple-ish light to reveal the beast, and laid down on his nest get some hours of rest...

Killer was the last to wake up in the morning, as usual, and went straight to the kitchen where Dust was on his phone drinking his coffee, Horror unloading the dishwasher after having programmed it to run during the night. Cross was most likely on his morning jog, honestly, how he managed to have so much energy this early in the morning was a mystery to everyone in this castle, even Nightmare didn't wake up this early, and God knew how much he hated sleeping in. Speaking of the boss, shouldn't he have been drinking his coffee too ? Killer didn't spot his mug in the sink.

- Nightmare's still sleeping ? He yawned, sitting down on his spot around the small table. Shouldn't we wake him up ?

- I already checked, he's not in his room, he probably slept in his office again, Dust replied without looking away from his phone.

It wasn't unusual for Nightmare to sleep in his office, he did tend pretty often to overwork himself.

- Mh.. I'll go see if he needs anything, Killer declared, getting up again.

As much as their boss wanted them to take care of themselves, he wasn't the best at it, "do what I say, not what I do" kind of deal, so every once in a while they would check up on him and make sure he at least slept and ate. They knew that technically he didn't need either of those, but it never hurt and was always a nice bonus for when negativity in the multiverse was low, like currently, so Killer walked all the way towards the wooden door and knocked.

- Boss ? You're in there ?

He waited, but didn't receive any answer.

- Sleeping on your desk again ? He asked more for himself, I'm coming in.

He grabbed the handle and slowly pushed the door open in case Nightmare was in fact sleeping, not wanting to make too much noise, but found the desk empty of any sleeping skeleton.

- Nightmare ?

He looked around, but the office was definitely empty. Maybe he was in his library ? Killer teleported there as it was all the way across the castle and it was still too early to walk this far in his opinion. He arrived in what surely was the biggest room of the castle and, to his surprise, it was plunged in the darkness, not one light was on, and even if Nightmare did have a better night vision than them he still turned the lights on when he was doing something as to not tire his only good eye, so the fact the room was dark was enough to tell Killer his boss wasn't there either. He teleported back in the kitchen. Cross had come back from his run and was drinking some lemon water.

- Nightmare's not there, he announced, earning three confused looks from his teammates.

- What do you mean he's not there ? Dust asked.

- I mean he's not there, I checked his office and the library and he's not in either of those, and we all know that's, like, the only rooms he spends his time in aside from the living room and his bedroom.

- Maybe he went for a walk ? Cross supposed.

- Cross, you're the only one in this castle going for a walk in the morning, Dust answered deadpanned.

- Sorry for wanting to stay in shape ? Cross frowned.

- Where could he be then... ? Horror asked, redirecting the conversation towards the principle subject: Nightmare.

Killer shrugged, he didn't see where Nightmare could have headed to, he rarely left the universe without them and usually wasn't that far in the castle so they could always reach him rapidly if there was a problem that way. So apart from the rooms he already checked ? Killer had no idea where his boss could have hidden himself, and given his weaker situation at the moment, he hoped it didn't mean anything bad...

- We should look for him... Horror finally decided for all of them, no doubt having concluded the same thing as Killer.

The others nodded and Dust got up, putting his empty cup in the sink to wash later.

- I say we all take one floor and the first to find him calls the others, Cross suggested.

- Works good for me, Killer agreed.

He saw Horror nod and Dust answered with a "sure". After agreeing on which floor everyone would go Killer teleported on the fourth one. They almsot never used that floor, the kitchen and living room they used were on the first floor as well as the training rooms, the library and the nursery, on the second floor were their bedrooms with attached bathrooms and Nightmare's office, and on the third floor were extra storage rooms and an old ball room with small saloons for the majority unused. Which left the fourth floor with its empty rooms and closets and the access to the rooftop. Needless to say, this floor would be quick to look throught.

Killer had opened half of the rooms, and still no sign of his boss, he was starting to think he did went out for a walk at this point. He stopped in front of a closet door, debating if he should open it or not, after all what would Nightmare do in a dusty closet ? But he had nothing to lose anyway, so he opened the door an looked inside. The closet was empty, aside from a pile of covers on the floor, which wouldn't have been that strange if only the covers were dirty, but they seemed clean with no particles of dust on them. Killer frowned, looking at the pile for a few seconds before crounching down and slowly reaching out to move one aside, before freezing when he saw what was underneath...

- Oh.. my.. god... he took out his phone and called the group chat, guys, guys you've gotta come see that, fourth floor, closet in the fifth corridor on the right, hurry.. !

He hung up, took two steps back, and waited for the others to arrive. They didn't take too long, alerted and worried by the call.

- What's wrong !? Did you find Nightmare !? Cross yelled after teleporting.

Killer quickly turned around with a finger in front of his mouth, inquiring them to be silent and come closer. The three shot each other worried looks before doing as told and coming next to Killer, looking inside the closet...

Under the covers was... a cat ? No, it wasn't a cat, thought it was roughly the same size, maybe slightly larger, but only a little. It had black fur, big pointy ears, a short chubby tail and two horns seemingly made of dark wood. It seemed to be asleep...

- What's this... ? Horror asked, but no one could answer.

- It's waking up... ! Dust whisper-screamed, seeing the creature start to move.

They all watched closely, ready to defend themselves if the thing attacked. The creature wiggled a little before yawning and opening its only eye, revealing a bright cyan eyelight. They knew that eyelight... the creature- ... Nightmare.. ? Slowly looked up to them, batting an ear, before sneezing due to the dust, a little blue flame coming out of its his mouth. Killer was the first to make the connection.

- Oh fuck... I think.. It's Nightmare's dragon form...

The small dragon perked his ears and looked up at him, as if recognizing his name. Cross passed out, Horror barely had time to catch him before he hit the ground.

- What.. are we supposed to do... ? Dust asked, not deviating his gaze from the small fluffy dragon.

- I have no idea... Killer admitted, just as lost as the others.

They didn't expect anything like that, it was kind of underwhelming to be honest, they were so sure their boss's dragon form was this gigantic beast he kept describing, only to be met with this fur ball instead ? He was incredibly cute, that was for sure, but they just... didn't expect that. Was it because of the lack of negativity ?

Cross came back to his senses just in time for the dragon to stand up, stretch his small and chubby legs like a cat, and trip over the covers when trying to get down, rolling forward on his back, paws in the air. He had dark purple toe beans. Cross passed out again.

The dragon rolled over on his belly, standing up again, and turned to look at them, sitting down, he seemed to analyze them.

- Uh... hi ? Killer tried with a wave and an awkward smile.

The dragon barked. God he wanted to squeeze him so badly. Was Nightmare still conscious in there or was the dragon a sort of alter-ego ? Did the dragon have Nightmare's memories ? Should they call him Nightmare too ? He did seem to recognize the name, so surely yes.

- It's uh.. Dust began, quite dirty in there, don't you want to go, like, in the living room or something ?

Nightmare looked up at him, slowly stood up, blinked, and sprinted past them.

- No wait come back ! Dust called, trying to grab him but missing.

- Does he remember the castle... ? Horror asked, holding Cross against him.

- I don't know and I don't want to wait for him to get lost ! Killer replied, teleporting in front of the dragon.

Nightmare yelped, stopping abruptly when seeing the skeleton in front of him, he slid on a good two meters before managing to run the other way around, but Dust was quicker than him this time and grabbed him before he could go full speed again. The little dragon squirmed in his hold, growling and spitting small fire balls.

- It's okay, calm down.. ! It's me, I'm not gonna hurt you.. ! Dust tried to reassure the angry dragon he held at arm's length.

Nightmare eventually calmed down, panting, no doubt still tired, and only growled with his ears down on each side of his head. Dust sighed, holding him closer to his chest to better grab him, putting an arm under his back legs.

- Oookay, everything's fine, we're just.. we're gonna go back to the living room and see what we should do.. Dust decided, heading towards the stairs with the others following him.

Everyone walked in silence, Cross having regained his consciousness, and arrived in the living room. Nightmare had stopped growling. Dust stopped in front of the couch.

- Please don't run off, he begged, slowly putting his small cargo down on the mattress.

Nightmare faced the back of the couch for a while before slowly turning around, marking a pause, and jumping from the couch. Killer caught him mid-air.

- Okay air jail for you, he declared keeping him in his arms

Nightmare whined, but didn't try to move. His fur was very soft, Killer noticed.

- So.. What should we do.. ? Horror asked, sitting down on the armchair.

Cross was still standing, staring at the dragon with a mix of awe and incredulity, Killer could understand, he too couldn't believe what he was holding at the moment. Their boss, the greatly feared Nightmare, guardian of negativity, ancient dragon breed, was not bigger than a cat and as fluffy as a plush. Why did he never tell them that ? Killer could understand not telling the multiverse, as it wouldn't have helped his image, but them ? His teammates ? His friends ? He would have thought they were well above the image, above the reputation, that he would have told them the truth. Unless this wasn't his true form but a result of his current weakness, and in that case, he didn't really want to leave the little dragon wandering in the castle on his own and risk getting hurt.

- I don't know... we should probably keep an eye on him ? I mean the castle's big and full of dangerous things and he's, well, not big, plus now's not the perfect time for him to hurt himself.

- Don't you think Nightmare will get mad that we sorta babysat him ? Cross worried.

Killer frowned for a second, not having thought of the possibility that Nightmare would be mad at them for that. He surely would, but would it be that bad ? It wasn't like they were planning on showing him to the world, just keep an eye on him until he transformed back, surely he would understand.

- Yeah well I prefer Nightmare being mad rather than him hurting himself, Dust answered before Killer could.

He simply nodded, stating he agreed with his friend.

- Hm.. you're probably right.. Cross agreed too, I'm gonna go check if I have a sweater or something to keep him warm, it's pretty cold in the castle.

- He's a dragon.. ? Horror asked, confused as to how a dragon would get cold.

- I don't want to risk it, Cross stated as he made his way towards his room.

Horror didn't insist, Cross seemed too determined anyway to get Nightmare in a sweater, and he had to admit the thought of seeing the small dragon in a little sweater was rather cute, so they all waited for the monochromatic skeleton to return. He luckily didn't take too much time.

- I've got one ! I think it was mine when I was a kid ? Anyway it should fit him well, he announced, stepping back into the living room.

Killer looked at the sweater, it was a plain black one, totally Nightmare's style.

- I'll hold him so you can put it on, Killer told him.

He sat on the couch, putting Nightmare on his laps in a sitting position, holding him by the sides, the dragon looked up at him curiously. Cross stood in front of him, rolling the sleeves of the sweater to make it easier to slip on, and gently grabbed the first paw to pass it in the first hole. Nightmare growled, his ears back, as Cross slowly manipulated him.

- It's okay, it's okay, I'm almost done.. he tried to reassure as he passed the sweater around the dragon's head.

Cross put the sweater in place, giving a little pat on Nightmare's head to congratulate him for not moving, before his gaze met his back paws. He poked the purple bean with a finger without thinking and saw Nightmare flinch and stare at his own paw with surprise.

- S-sorry, i-it was too tempting.. ! He apologized, blushing in embarrassment.

Nightmare stared for another second, then stretched his toes.

- ... I'm gonna pass out.

- Again ? Dust snorted.

- Yeah... Cross sighed, but he's so damn cute.. !

Of course, everyone agreed. This little dragon, as surprising and unfitting for Nightmare as he was, was frankly adorable with his little sweater and his big curious eyelight looking around the room. He surely rarely had the opportunity to explore the castle, but even when not knowing his surroundings very well, he didn't seem outwardly scared of them, he was cautious, but he had seemed to recognize them a little, at least enough not to attack. How much of Nightmare's memories did he have ? Killer saw him sniff a few times, did he recognize stuff through scents and that was why he knew who they were ? Because he remembered their odor and knew they were friends ? They would need to ask Nightmare, the skeleton, when he would be back. They would need to ask him a lot of things.

They all turned when they heard a grumble coming from the dragon.

- You're hungry.. ? Horror asked him with a found smile.

Nightmare looked up at him.

- Well, he did skip breakfast, Killer noted.

- What do dragons even eat ? Dust rightfully asked.

- Probably meat ? Cross answered, uncertain, I mean he's a predator so...

- I think we have some ham left... Horror thought, standing up.

He headed to the kitchen, the dragon's gaze following him until he started wiggling to be set free.

- Okay okay I'm putting you down ! Relax ! Killer quickly put him on the ground, not wanting his claws to shred him to pieces.

Nightmare sprinted to catch up to the big skeleton who had stopped to wait for his tiny boss. He chuckled when seeing him arrive and went to the fridge. The dragon went straight into the first shelf, searching for something interesting as he could smell the different foods. He unfortunately got grabbed before he could bit into a sausage and saw the door of the fridge closing in front of his eye, making him whine. He rapidly forgot about the fridge once Horror put him on a chair and handed him a piece of ham that he quickly bit into to eat with a little "nom" noise. Another piece followed after the first one and the tiny dragon happily enjoyed a full slice of ham for breakfast.

The others eventually joined them in the kitchen, wanting to see the dragon eat and just see the dragon in general as it would probably be the one and only time they would see him. The dragon looked at them for a minute before jumping down from his chair and going to explore the kitchen more in depth. He sniffed the cabinets, sniffed the table, the chairs, sniffed the trash can, frowned, sniffed the pedal, stepped on it, and jumped when the lid opened, running to hide behind the closest pair of legs he could find: Dust's. The skeleton bent down to lift him up.

- It's okay buddy, the trashcan won't hurt you, he laughed, petting the dragon's head.

Nightmare let him do so, slightly growling at the scary trashcan still.

- We're gonna go back to the living room, okay ? Dust reassured, leaving the kitchen with the two other skeletons, Horror staying to start preparing dinner as the search took a while and it was already almost noon.

Dust sat on the couch, keeping Nightmare on his laps.

- Can I pet him ? Cross asked, almost having stars in his eyes.

Dust looked up at him.

- Sure ? I mean, if he lets you.

Cross quickly nodded, crounching down in front of the dragon to let him sniff his hand in a silent demand for authorization. Nightmare looked at him, and gently headbutted his hand.

- Ooooh my God.. ! Cross exclaimed in a whisper, tearing up.

He gently scratched the little head, petting behind the ears, under the chin, ... a low rumble started to get heard.

- Oh shit.. guys he's purring.. ! Dust realized, feeling the small vibrations on his legs.

- He is ?! Killer put a hand on Nightmare's back.

He could feel the vibrations as he pat his back, near the tail as he would do with a cat. The little dragon purred louder, his eye closed. Soon he had six hands petting him. He started knitting on Dust's laps, feeling perfectly content with the attention.

- Ouch, Dust flinched, okay, sharp claws.

Killer snorted.

- You'll get used to it.

The petting session lasted until it was time for dinner, Cross and Killer went to help set up the table and Dust carefully moved Nightmare from his legs to the couch.

- We'll be right back in an instant, okay ? You can stay on the couch, he informed with a last pat on the head.

Dinner was simple, a steak with some vegetables on the side, but they all happily ate it. Horror always managed to make even the simplest meals taste delicious. Killer felt something against his leg, looking down he saw the tiny dragon standing up against his chair.

- Yeah ? Need anything ? He asked him.

The dragon looked at him, crounched down, seemed to calculate something, and jumped on his laps.

- Oh ! Well, okay then, guess you can sleep here, he chuckled.

Nightmare turned around to face the table, looking at the plate in front of him. He squinted.

- Comfortable ? Killer asked.

Nightmare only turned an ear, already focused on his plan. He slowly bent forward, eye fixated on his target, and swiftly snatched the steak in the plate before jumping off of Killer's laps and running out of the room, steak in his mouth.

- Wait, no ! Killer exclaimed, trying to grab him before he ran off, my steak !

He quickly got up to chase after the dragon, hearing the others laugh at his predicament, but the little thief was faster than him and already hid himself to eat the content of his robbery. Killer eventually had to give up and return to the table where the others weren't finish laughing.

By the time Nightmare reappeared, they had all done eating and cleaning the table. Killer glared at him.

- You stole my steak, he accused, fists on his hips.

The dragon looked up at him before headbutting his leg.

- Mowww, of course I forgive you ! Killer cooed, bending down, come here !

He lifted him up, bringing him back to the couch for another session of petting and scratching that lasted as long as Nightmare wanted it to, with the only breaks being snack breaks. The little dragon was particularly greedy and would eat just any snacks they would hand him. They had opted for a bag of dried meat, something simple they were mostly sure wouldn't hurt his stomach. They wouldn't want their tiny dragon to get sick.

They stayed with him all afternoon, letting him take naps on their jackets, the poor thing still being quite tired from the lack of negativity, and decided they would sleep I the living room this night, not wanting to leave the dragon alone.

They had brought some covers and extra pillows, Nightmare was on the couch, in a nest made of their jackets.

Cross woke up when a flash suddenly lit up the room, grumbling, he looked up to see what it was. He saw Nightmare, the skeleton, slowly rise from the couch, he seemed tensed, and in the silence of the night he could hear him hyperventilating.

- Night... ? He called in a whisper as to not wake the others up.

Nightmare's gaze shot in his direction, his pupil reduced to a trembling slit, before he backed up in a hurry, tripped on the covers and fell backward. The noise made Horror move.

- What's happening... ? He mumbled.

Nightmare quickly looked at him before rapidly teleporting away. On the second floor, the door of his room slammed shut in an loud echo, waking the two remaining skeletons up.

- W-what was that.. ? Killer asked.

- I.. Cross began, it was Nightmare, he's.. he's awake and he didn't seem very happy to see us... he briefly explained.

The air around them became colder as they all exchanged worried looks, feeling the ambient negativity in the castle thickening.

- I.. think we may have made a mistake... Dust said out loud what they were all starting to think.

- Did he look mad ? Killer asked Cross.

Cross thought for a moment.

- No... more like... scared ?

- Scared ? Why would he be scared ?

Cross shrugged, getting up, he didn't like seeing the look in his boss's eye, it wasn't right, he didn't want him to be scared of them. Why was he even scared ?

- Do you think it has to do with the dragon ? Dust questioned. I mean, he always told us he was dangerous and all, maybe he got scared that he hurt us ?

Killer frowned.

- But we're all fine, If he had hurt us he would have seen it when transforming back.

- Maybe we weren't supposed to see the dragon ?

They looked at Cross, thinking about it, it made sense as Nightmare always seemed reticent to show them his primal form.

- He was hiding... Horror finally said, looking down, a feeling of guilt emerging in his soul, and we still took him...

The others stayed silent for a moment, letting the realization settle in. Cross sat back on the couch.

- He.. He was hiding... Killer began, he was hiding and didn't want to be seen, and we still searched him and took him out of his safe spot... we... we litteraly took advantage of his current weakness to grab him and he tried to fly but we still held him... God he couldn't even talk... ! He couldn't defend himself and we forced him to be here when he was hiding for a reason... !

Killer held his head in his hands after his monolog, so deeply ashamed of himself, the other three weren't doing better. Cross sniffled.

- You're making it sound like we raped him... he whined, feeling heavy with guilt.

For a few minutes only Cross's wheeping disturbed the silence of the castle, until Killer abruptly stood up.

- We need to apologize, he declared, heading to the stairs.

Dust got up to grab his arm, stopping him.

- He probably doesn't want to be bothered right now, we should wait a moment for him to calm down before trying anything.

Killer shrugged, making Dust let go of his arm.

- I'm not gonna come in, I'm not stupid, I'm just gonna knock and apologize.

He had to, he couldn't just wait until morning, he had to let Nightmare know that he was sorry, that they were all sorry, that they didn't think and acted stupid and regretted it. He arrived in front of the door, his hand was shaking when he lifted his arm to knock.

- Boss, you're here.. ?

Nightmare flinched when he heard the knock and the voice, backing down again, his back on the wall opposed to the door, sitting on the ground. He was shaking. What did they want ? What have they done ? Why must they have to see him like that ? To see this weak and pathetic form ? The one thing he had wished to remain a secret, why did they have to open this closet ?

Nightmare was shaking, a hand covering his mouth to try and muffle his heavy breathing. He felt scared, humiliated, confused, naked almost, like all of the walls and layers he had built over time just fell down and left him in a cloud of ashes.

They had seen him, they had seen the dragon, they had seen this little creature so ridiculously small, so contemptible, so useless, they had seen the real him, the him that wasn't fierce, that wasn't big nor intimidating, the him that wasn't threatening. They had seen the truth. Now what would they do ? Would they laugh ? Would they mock him for being this pathetic ? For giving birth to such a big lie when reality was this disappointing ? Would they tell the world about him ? Would they leave him ? Would they be disgusted by such a pathetic leader ? Would they lose all respect they had for him, respect that had been build on a lie ? Would he ever be able to gain their respect again ? What if they never wanted to hear of him again ?

His soul was beating fast in his ribcage, giving him the impression it was about to explode, he heard the drumming sound in his head, making everything else sound muffled. He barely heard Killer on the other side of the door.

- We're sorry Nightmare... we really are... we should have never tried to touch you and we should have just left you alone... we really didn't think and we understand that you're mad at us, you don't have to come out if you're not ready to, but just know that we are sorry... we were jerks, we didn't mean to hurt you...

Nightmare listened, trying to focus on anything else than the tears forming in his eye. Was he honest ? Was Killer honest ? He wanted to believe it, he couldn't feel his emotions, his magic wasn't recovered enough and he was in too big of a panic state to direct it properly anyway.

He wanted to believe him so bad, to believe it was only an accident, that maybe they could still pretend as if nothing happened, but a part of him kept yelling it was a lure. It kept telling him to not take words for proof, that sooner or later they would realize he's truly pathetic and the minute the dragon wouldn't amuse them anymore they would leave. He would lose everything then. He didn't want to, he didn't want to lose them.

- Take all the time you need, we will be waiting for you when you feel ready...

He heard the footsteps go away, and finally let out a sob, choking on air. What was he supposed to do now ? He couldn't go to them anymore, he didn't want to face their gaze just yet, they would surely have questions and he didn't want to answer any of those. He couldn't go to anyone, nobody knew about his secret. He was alone, like before, like he always had been, alone to face his fears.

He should have been more careful, lock himself somewhere else, make sure nobody could reach him. He should have known it, he should have known he couldn't trust his own house, he couldn't even trust his mother's shadow when he was a kid, why would that be any different now ?

He felt stupid, he wanted to hide away and never come out, let everyone forget about him and rot in a corner where no one would see him ever again...

He stayed locked in his room for hours, which turned into a few days, he didn't count how many exactly but Horror kept leaving food platters by his door. He could hear them take turn sitting down and talking to him, telling him they were sorry, that they should have waited for him instead of forcibly taking the dragon, that they were worried about him and to please come out, they wanted to see him. His silence only worried then more, they wouldn't enter by force but if he could at least talk to them, so they would know he's fine... Nightmare felt guilty, he didn't like scaring them that way, he didn't like how ashamed of themselves they all sounded, but he just didn't have the courage to open the door. The mere thought of being the center of attention knowing what happened filled him with shame and embarrassment and he felt his soul burn.

But he had to go out. He could barely stay awake, his magic was so low, the negativity level in the multiverse only kept receding the longer he was inactive, he needed a raid, even a small one, to boost himself enough not to tranform again. And he needed them. He was to weak to go alone. Maybe after this raid he would feel a little better and wouldn't need them, but for now it wasn't the case.

He slowly got up from his bed, feeling his legs shaking under his weight, and opened his door after a long hesitation. Cross was here, standing guard, he jumped when he heard the noise and froze when seeing the skeleton. Judging by his expression, Nightmare must have looked awful. Days without taking care of yourself usually did that.

- Nightmare.. ? Are.. are you feeling okay... ? I-I mean it's a dumb question but-

- We're going on a raid... Nightmare interrupted him, his voice more hoarse than he would have wished.

Cross straightened his stance, an old habit of the soldier receiving orders.

- O-of course ! I'll go fetch the others ! Pl-please don't lock yourself back.. ! He begged before going on his quest.

Nightmare looked at him go, letting out a shaky breath.

The others arrived rapidly, and though none of them knew what to say they all looked at him with a mix of worry and relief to see him out of his room.

- Boss we- Killer began before being interrupted.

- We're going, make it fast..

They all exchanged a glance, but nobody intervened. Nightmare motioned to Cross to open a portal, he couldn't do it himself this time. The soldier did as told, and they all crossed it, Nightmare going in last. He shivered when feeling the cold air of snowdin's forest hit him, embracing himself to try and keep his little body warmth as the others were already in movement. Only Dust stayed near him. He was about to tell him to join the others but the hoodied skeleton talked first.

- It's good to see you out of your room, Night, we were all worried.. we know what we did wasn't right, and we really want to make it up to you... we care about you, 'kay ? Try not to forget that... he said before teleporting away to the others.

Nightmare stiffened when he mentioned what happened, he didn't want to think about it again, but he couldn't avoid it for all eternity. He watched them from afar, not taking part in the activity, and focused on absorbing as much negativity as possible, he had to admit they were doing a particularly good job, though it would take way more than that for him to recover all of his strength.

He let them cause chaos, coming only a little closer to get a better taste of the negativity, ignoring their worried glances each time he moved. Were they really this worried about him ?

He heard a portal open, but Cross was far from him, too far for him to hear anything, and Cross wouldn't make a portal without informing him first, which meant the portal wasn't his, and the sudden sharp pain he felt in his shoulder told him exactly who it was: Dream and his team had arrived, and he just got hit with an arrow.

He dislodged the arrow before turning, slowly, now wasn't the time, he was still too weak to fight, and if he engaged in a battle now his magic would tire out rapidly and force him to transform back, which was not an option. He took a step back, and saw his brother frown. Oh how pathetic he must have looked for Dream to spot something was wrong. But it didn't stop the guardian from attacking a second time.

The arrow got blocked by a blade, Cross was in front of him in a defensive stance, a quick glance around confirmed the others were already fighting Ink and Blue, trying to maintain them as far as possible from him.

It wasn't the first time they would protect him, but this time felt different for some reason. It was absurd, Nightmare knew there were no differences, they acted as they always acted before, but his mind couldn't help but scream at him, telling him they only protected him because they knew how weak he really was. Were they going to tell everyone about that ? Were they going to tell Dream ? Dream always tried to get him to tranform, wanting to see his dragon form, as a confirmation whether it really changed or not, were they going to tell him that he never became that gigantic beast he always described ? Were they going to reveal everything ? No, no they wouldn't, he trusted them not to, he really did... but what if they made a mistake ? What if they said it by accident and Dream heard ? What then ? Would he try even more to tire him ? Would he attack with more fierce ? Would the news spread across the multiverse ? Would he be mocked by everyone again ? What would he do if his lie crumbled, if his only defense fell down ? Where would he hide ? Could he even hide anymore ? He didn't have anywhere to go aside from his castle, but could he hide here ? Or would the castle be attacked if the people knew there wasn't any real threat ? Would he lose his home again ? Would he lose his only safe place ? Would he lose his friends... ?

He almost fell when he felt someone push him forward, a gasp of surprise leaving him as he was abruptly brought back to reality: a portal to the castle was open in front of him, Horror was behind him forcing him to move, Dust was maintaining the stars at distance with sharp bones and blasters, Killer was halfway through the portal, and Cross was next to it looking at him worryingly.

- Boss we're retreating ! Did you not hear me call you ?! He grabbed his arm to pull him in the portal.

The others rapidly followed, and Cross closed the path before anyone else could enter. They were back in the living room.

- Are you okay 'Mare ? Killer asked, coming to him to check his shoulder, you zoned out pretty hard out there... is... do you want to talk about it... ?

They were all looking at him, and he didn't know what to say. He didn't hear them call him, he didn't see Cross opening the portal and only reacted when Horror pushed him. He could have gotten them hurt because his thoughts wouldn't give him a break, and now they were worried about him again. He felt awful, he couldn't protect them in his dragon form and he could have gotten them hurt in his skeletal form. He shouldn't be with them.

- I... I'm fine, I just... I need... some time, alone... he mumbled, taking a few steps back.

He saw Horror begin to reach for him and dodged his hand, going past him to hurry to his room, not wanting to feel their gaze on him any longer. Seriously what would they think of him now ? He had sunken so low...

He didn't want to be a burden, it was really the last thing he ever wanted, especially to them, but he couldn't help but fear they would end up seeing him as one, as someone they had to protect instead of someone they could count on. He had tried to persuade himself that they would never do that, that he trusted them and that they were loyal, but these thoughts kept coming back and they wouldn't let him breath.

And now, because of these polluted thoughts, he was alone in an AU, one week after their raid, to go on a solo negativity run. He could do it himself, he didn't need them, he didn't need their protection, he didn't need them getting hurt for his sake. He would be fine, it would just be a small run, as he always did...

Killer sighed, sitting back up on the couch. Nightmare had been in his room the whole week and barely came out to eat while speaking as little as possible. He was worried about him, they all were, they didn't like that he didn't say anything. They weren't expecting a speech, but if only he could tell them how he felt so they could find a proper way to apologize instead of staying silent. All they wanted was to know what they could do for him, what he wanted, did he want them to never talk about it again ? Did he want them to leave ? Did he want them to swear their loyalty a new time ? They didn't know what he would want and they didn't want to make a mistake again by doing something wrong or inappropriate.

He was about to get up when the sound of a teleportation made him turn his head just in time to see Nightmare crashing on the floor against the armchair, panting heavily, bloody cuts everywhere on his body and arrows in his back.

- Nightmare ?! He exclaimed in chock.

He jumped up, but before he could even rush to his boss's side a blinding purple light erupted from the skeleton's body, making him put his arms in front of his face. When he put them down once the light disappeared, Nightmare wasn't there anymore and in his place laid the tiny dragon, shaking, his fur sticky with blood. The arrows were on the floor next to him, having fallen out in the transformation.

Killer approached slowly, his hands shaking too. Once the dragon spotted him he started growling, his ears flat against his neck.

- It's okay bud, I'm not gonna hurt you... he tried to reassure the dragon as he stopped moving.

The little creature just kept growling, trying to crawl away from him, shaking with all of his members.

- Kills ? I heard you scream, you okay ? Dust asked, arriving in the living room.

He rapidly spotted Nightmare and froze, seeing how the dragon's gaze locked on him.

- What happened ? Why is he hurt ? And why is he a dragon again ?

Killer tried to think, not knowing just what to do, the dragon was scared and hurt and he wanted to help him, but what if they made the same mistake as the first time ? What if they touched the dragon again and Nightmare didn't like that ?

- I- I don't know, I was on the couch and he popped out of nowhere, hurt, and he just transformed... he quickly explained, I think it's a form he takes when he's too weakened ?

The dragon tried to stand up, only to whine in pain and fall on his side again.

- We'll see that later, he needs help. Dust declared, approaching again.

Nightmare growled louder, baring his teeth as a blue light appeared in his mouth.

- It's okay, it's us, we're going to help you.. Dust began but was interrupted by a small fireball.

He jumped to the side to dodge it, noting how the dragon coughed but still prepared another ball. Dust kneeled, looking at Nightmare. Killer didn't move, his whole being was telling him to rush to his side and heal him but that would just make him panic even more and hurt himself. He let Dust try to appease the situation.

- It's okay Night, we just want to help... we'll heal those wounds and then we'll leave you alone... he talked in a soft tone.

The dragon curled further into a ball, breathing out little sparks of blue fire, he looked terrified, his one eyelight fixated on Dust. Did that mean Nightmare didn't trust them anymore ? Did that mean he was scared of them ? Killer's soul clenched at the thought.

- It's okay buddy, it's okay... he kept murmuring as he slowly approached his hand.

The dragon growled louder but didn't make any move to attack, looking back and forth between Dust and his hand until it was just in front of his face. He stared for a while before coming just a little closer, enough to sniff the fingers. Dust didn't move, letting the dragon sniff him and watching him slowly back away again, having stopped growling.

- Kills, go grab the med kit please, and warn the others, he commanded after a few seconds.

Killer nodded, quickly teleporting to the nursery and leaving Dust with Nightmare. The dragon flinched when Killer dissapeared, growling again.

- It's okay, he went to grab stuff to help you, everything's fine. He reassured.

When Killer appeared again he took the plastic case and opened it in front of him to let the dragon see its countenance, while Killer left once more to warn the two remaining skeletons that their boss was hurt and back in his dragon form, and that they should go slowly with him.

Dust took the items he needed one by one, handing each one to the dragon to let him sniff it before putting it down next to him.

- I'm gonna get closer, okay ? He warned.

He slowly approached, staying on the ground as to prevent dominating the dragon with his height. He saw him tense, a fireball starting to form in his mouth before he began coughing again, leaving him whining and shaking.

- Easy bud, easy... it's gonna sting a little, but I promise you'll feel better afterward..

He put disinfectant on a clean cloth and slowly started to clean the drying blood on the dragon's fur, clenching his teeth each time he whined in pain when Dust would clean the wounds.

- I know buddy, I know.. I don't like it either, I'm sorry... he apologized.

He didn't like hurting him, but he had to do it, he had to clean the cuts and bandage them up, he couldn't leave him like that, he just hoped Nightmare would understand...

- I'm almost done...

He finished wrapping the bandages around his paws and abdomen, careful not to tie them too tight, and backed up again. The dragon was shaking, Dust had to take his little sweater off as it was bloody and ripped, and was now curled on the cold stoned floor.

- I brought a cover...

Dust flinched, turning his head around, he didn't notice Cross arriving behind him.

- Is he okay... ? He asked with a shaky voice.

- Yeah... a little shaken up, but he'll be fine... he reassured his friend.

Cross sighed in relief, handing the thick plaid to him. Dust took it and installed it right next to Nightmare, making it so he could crawl inside and be covered.

The dragon stared at them then at the little improvised nest, sniffing the air before slowly, carefully, taking a shaky step towards it. Dust held the entrance opened for him, letting him take his time to crawl in and lay down in a comfortable position before putting the cover down. Only his head poked out. Dust wanted to give him a few pats, to scratch his ear and tell him he had been very brave not moving while he healed him, but he didn't want to risk humiliating Nightmare again, so he didn't.

Horror arrived with a bowl in his hands, Killer came to find him and told him about the situation, so he had decided to prepare something to eat for the little guy, something easy he wouldn't need to chew. He had opted for some plain biscuits broken and mixed with water to make a sort of porridge. He put the bowl down in front of the nest.

- Here, eat a little... he encouraged him, backing down.

Nightmare looked up at him before slowly straightening enough to bend forward and slowly licking the mixture, his little purple tongue looking pale.

They all stayed there, watching over the little dragon as he slept in his small nest. He looked so much smaller like that...

They didn't dare go away, but they didn't dare touch him either, all painfully aware that the last time they did that things only went downhill afterwards and that was why they were at this point now. They always made sure that at least one of them would remain relatively close in case there was a problem, and they all slept in the living room. The dragon kept watching them, not moving from his nest for the first two days, then slowly trying to walk a little, never going too far before coming back to the cover. He would sometimes sit down and look at them with what they could only describe as a pleading look, then go back to lay down when seeing they didn't move to give him what he wanted. What did he want ? They didn't know for sure, they could only assume it was for them to make the pain go away, but they couldn't really do that.

It lasted a whole week, a week of hearing the dragon cry and seeing him so sad at all time, they didn't know what to do. Cross was sitting in the couch when Nightmare got up from his nest and walked over to him, still slow, but already faster than the first days. The dragon came to him and gently headbutted his leg to gain his attention. Cross looked down.

- What's wrong ? Do you need anything ?

He glanced at his bowl, it was still half full, and his bandages were clean. The dragon whined, looking at the soldier.

- I'm sorry, I don't know how to help more...

It pained him to see the small dragon like that and being powerless to make him feel better. Nightmare lifted a paw, tapping it against the couch.

- You want to get on the couch ? He asked.

Nightmare kept looking at him, his paw against the side of the mattress.

- O-Okay, just, please don't move and be careful not to fall...

Cross bent down, very slowly grabbing the dragon by his chest and back paws to put him on the couch next to him.

- Oookay here you go...

Nightmare didn't struggle, waiting to be put down before turning and making his way towards the soldier.

- Where are you going ? Cross confusedly asked.

The dragon didn't stop, carefully climbing Cross's laps to lay down, resting his head on his paws with a little sigh. Cross froze, not daring to move. Was it a good sign ? Nightmare was the one to make the decision, did that mean it was safe ? Could he pet him without it being a bad move ? He wasn't sure, but seeing the dragon so sad was unbearable, and so he gently put a hand on his back, petting him ever so carefully. The little dragon didn't move, closing his eye, a soft purr starting to get heard. Cross was so close to crying, so close to break down completely, he was so worried about Nightmare, so scared to have ruined their relationship, he just wished he understood they meant no harm, and even now they just wanted to help him...

Nightmare didn't move from the couch for the night, rolled up against an arm rest buried under Horror's jacket, he decided he was done sleeping on the ground. They let him do so. He woke up in the morning, before everyone else. He had taken his skeletal form back and kept the jacket around his shoulders.

He looked at them sleeping. They took care of him, they healed him and kept apologizing to the dragon, not forcing any contact, letting him come to them. It... meant a lot.

When they woke up, they quickly spotted that he was back pretty rapidly as their first move in the morning was always check on him. They didn't talk however, letting him begin, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by saying something they shouldn't have when Nightmare made the effort to stay and not lock himself back in his room.

- Go on, I know you have questions... he finally said.

Killer was the first to talk.

- Why didn't you tell us about the dragon... ?

Nightmare looked at him for a moment before looking down, searching for what to say, he sighed; he owed them the truth.

- I was scared of your reaction... my... my dragon form is small, the species is just like that, and... people used that to their advantage... it's not that I didn't trust you, I just... I felt safer with a lie to protect myself...

They listened to him, nodding in understanding.

- But who would hurt such a small creature... ? Cross asked, horrified by the thought of the dragon getting hurt.

Nightmare shivered, feeling some old memories coming back to the surface.

- He's small, easy to kick and hold down... and his fur and antlers are expensive... don't ask me how I know that, please... he answered honestly.

Cross let out a gasp, not wanting to believe such atrocities could have been committed against the small dragon.

- We won't let anyone hurt you like that again, ever, Dust claimed with a resigned tone.

Nightmare looked at him. Horror agreed.

- We'll protect you, promise... no one... will touch you... he confirmed.

Nightmare let the words sink in for a moment, before feeling himself smile a little and nod.

- Thanks...

- We're sorry for what we did, we didn't mean any harm, we would never... Dust apologized again.

- I know... he chuckled, you'll have to apologize to the dragon too, he wasn't happy with the lack of attention this week..

The little commentary helped appease the tension in the air and they all could breath and talk like they all used to talk together, spending the whole morning just calmly discussing on the couches...

Nightmare would need time to get used to letting his dragon form out more often, but his friends seemed to genuinely like him very much, and the dragon liked them just as much as he liked them, so maybe it was for the greater good...

- Does he have a name ?! Killer exclaimed.

- I... don't think so ? Nightmare replied.

He never wondered if the dragon had a name of his own or if they shared the same. Not that it ever mattered.

- Can I call him Lord Noot ?! He proposed excitedly.

- No you may not, Nightmare refused.

Killer whined with a pouty face, making the others laugh.

Yeah, maybe it wouldn't be that bad...

[dreamweave01]

what instruments do you think each turtle is? Maybe also Cassandra, Splinter and April?

*gasp* an ask where I can showcase my ✨band kid knowledge✨ :D

I gotta think about this because honestly I think there's a lot of instruments that could work for any of them.

I feel like the obvious answer for Donnie would be something tech related, but personally I feel he would be the piano. The piano to me speaks a level of intelligence and emotional resilience not many other instruments truly possess. The piano is used to running solo, and can have so much depth while maintaining a composure that stands for elegance.

A younger Leo might've been the trumpet, a brassy troublemaker but nonetheless loyal and fun loving voice of the band who CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IN THE WORLD LEARN HOW TO BLEND- But now that he's older and matured a lot, I think he leans more towards the guitar. A little more gentle, slightly less showboaty, but still that fun loving delinquent who knows how to have a good time.

Mikey would be a percussionist I think, but not like your classic drummer. He'd be bells and timpani, mallet instruments like the marimba, vibraphone, glockenspiel, etc. Something adventurous and exciting, with an energy and zeal that truly brings a song to life.

Now Raph's really hard because I never took him as the instrumental type. But if I had to choose an instrument, it would probably be the double bass. Something big, something low, and something that's both incredibly powerful yet has the ability to be undeniably tender and heartfelt. It gives me Raph vibes, what can I say :)

Cassandra is hands down your classic drummer. Not center stage, but nonetheless headstrong and in your face, giving a ground work and rhythm that the rest of the musicians can build off of to create something amazing.

Splinter feels like a flute to me, specifically a pan flute. To me, pan flutes have always felt wise and simple, but nonetheless mischievous and possibly a bit devilish when they want to be, which is very much this old rat man.

April's a woodwind hands down I'd say. If I have to get specific, probably either a saxophone or a clarinet. There's a liveliness and zest around those instruments that can go from frolicking in the meadows to a thunderstorm beating down your ship within seconds, and to me, that's one Miss O'Neil.

This was a lot of fun to think about, thank you! X3

[meowzfordayz]

NSFW Alphabet — Tomioka Giyuu

Author’s Note: ~1.5 months after starting this (and ~3 months since it was supposed to be started 🥴), and it’s finally finished !!!!! 🥳 If these were shorter headcanons, then they wouldn’t take so long 😅, but each individual letter is a labor of love (and lust 😏). As w/ all hcs, these are simply my opinions in this exact moment of writing, and are subject to change depending on the context/my mood! 😉

NSFW Alphabet — Tomioka Giyuu

Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~3,500

CW: 18+NSFW, explicit language, Fem!Reader, oral, rimming, spit

MILESTONE 20.0

~faqs~

Aftercare? what they’re like after sex

Giyuu’s very sleepy after sex. If you’ve discussed it beforehand, then he’ll muster up the energy to gently towel wash you, brush your hair (if things got ~intense 😉), and make sure you drink a glass of water, but he’s otherwise hopeless. And by “hopeless”, I mean: he’s passing out with his cock still leaking onto your thighs, warm mouth smooshed into your shoulder, and will moan softly—Hnngg—and proceed to roll over should you attempt to wake him. 😌

Body Part? their favorite body part(s)

Giyuu’s a thigh guy, or GTTG (Giyuu The Thigh Guy) for short. 🦵 Don’t get me wrong! He could totally cum fixating on basically any part of your body 🫢, buuut nestled between your thighs… life couldn’t get much better. 😌 He isn’t huge on marking you (aka: he is, but he typically refrains because one hickey is a sure slide to two, then four, then seven, then- 😇), but biting softly at your thigh, listening to you squeal, halfheartedly attempting to push him away as his fingers wrap around your knees, tongue slipping out to soothe your fresh “wound” — he’s entertained himself with your thighs for literal hours, and not necessarily even sexually. 😆 He’ll often push your legs apart just so he can rest his head on the plush of your thigh, the rest of his body cradled by the curves of your knees and calves.

If you were a vampire, then Giyuu would surely be your first victim, because his neck is just: 😍😋🩸❣️ It’s kissable, nuzzle-able, biteable, and sooo fun to rile him up with a simple swipe of your tongue (bonus points if you suck on his Adam’s apple 🤤). He smells delicious too; a gentle, unassuming fragrance of ripples on a pond (whatever those smell like 🌊) that’s strongest where his neck meets his ears. Step in close and interlock your fingers behind his neck, and he’s certain to wrap his arms around your waist, surroundings fading to a hazy buzz as he murmurs, “I love you.”

Cum?

Giyuu loves cum while he’s still horny (something about the way it glistens and slides down the backs of your thighs, collecting in droplets on your puffy folds, slightly watery and warm as it slowly dampens the mattress beneath you… he’s fixated for sure 😌), but as soon as post nut clarity hits, he’s desperate for a shower (something about its smell and stickiness, clinging to your skin—and his—reminding him of how amazing you felt… and of how messy things got… if you’re taking too long to collect yourself, then he’s scooping you up and carrying you to the bathroom for sure 🫠).

Dirty Talk?

He loves dirty talk, but has to pass a certain threshold (of horniness) to really ~get into it. 😅 Before that threshold, a simple So pretty baby while straddling his hips, your fingertips stroking his softly toned abs, will guarantee you a blushing, flustered Tomioka Giyuu, his own grip tightening around your waist. And after that threshold? 👀 Best believe you’ll be the flustered one, low whimpers pushed out of your chest as a cool hand rests gentle around your throat, steadying your body while his cock fucks needy and forceful into your warm, clenching hole.

Experience? their level of experience

Before meeting you, Giyuu isn’t a virgin, but he’s also far from experienced. He knows how to have sex, knows how to make someone else cum, but he doesn’t know how to enjoy himself. He’s always been physically sensitive—always quick to orgasm with enough wetness and friction—but physical pleasure without its emotional counterpart only does so much. And then he falls in love with you. 🥺💙 He falls in love with how delicately you kiss the tops of his shoulder, across his collarbones, tongue swirling in the hollow of his throat. Falls in love with how easily you raise goosebumps on his forearms, his thighs, your fingertips grazing lightly—teasingly—along the seams of his clothing, toying with the buttons on his shirt, the zipper on his pants, not willing to undress him unless he begs. In love with how begging means catching your wrists and holding them above your head, brought to neediness by your tender ministrations, safe enough to seek his own desires in the heat of your breathlessness. “I want to cum,” he whispers gruffly, your pulse warm in his palms, “So help me.”

Foreplay?

Giyuu thoroughly enjoys foreplay, to the extent that he has trouble lasting through it. 😅 He actually fares better when you go down on him, because he can guide your movements and pace. His large hands—normally cool to the touch and tender in their intentions—firmly cup your nape, sweaty and needy as your hair tangles soft between his fingers. When you choke on the sensation of his cock nudging against the back of your throat, he can only whimper and groan, hips chasing the quiver and wetness of your breath, grip ensuring you remain planted between his thighs. And when he’s close to cumming? He’s strong enough to gently tug you away from him, your lips shiny and insatiable, a low whine kissing his skin as you pout. But when he goes down on you? That same attention dissipates. Lost in the heat and clench of your thighs, the ache in his scalp as you cling to his hair, the incoherent babble of pleasure spilling from your mouth while you tremble and arch before him… is it really his fault for cumming with you? 🙃 After all, you didn’t stop him from thrusting his hips into the mattress, the edge of the couch, his own fist, as he flicked his tongue over your clit. You didn’t stop him as he whispered about how Beautiful, Stunning, Divine, Fuck… I think I’m gonna cum… you were, your moans rising in pitch as you met his dazed expression, his eyes dark and determined, the tip of his nose glistening with your essence. You didn’t stop him as his body shuddered before you, his cum splurting sticky and pearlescent, the taste of your orgasm gushing tart and warm onto his tongue.

Goofy? their sense of humor

In the beginning, Giyuu’s uber serious… mostly because he’s worried about dying of embarrassment should he fumble while trying to get/keep you in the mood. 🫠 That’s not to say he’s incapable of smiling! He doesn’t want you to think he’s having a terrible time either. 🥴 But gosh forbid he accidentally fart, or nudge himself against the wrong hole, or elbow you in the face, or- 😭 Eventually, however, he slips into a deeper comfort and trust with you, which inevitably leads to him smooshing your hair, chuckling when you queef, and taking a breather when you become literally tangled in the sheets (you can’t stop laughing, and he somehow finds himself grinning adoringly at you vs running out the door in mortification). 🥺

Hair? pubes maintenance

Giyuu keeps himself well groomed due more to habit and personal comfort, but hey — you benefit too! Plus, you know you’ve reached peak closeness when you’re showering together and you randomly ask, “My love, could I trim your pubes tonight?” and instead of shoving you out of the shower, curtain rod and all, he just blushes a deep red and mutters, “Yeah, okay.” 😶

Intimacy? their degree of intimacy

Intimacy and Giyuu are a complicated duo. 😅 On one hand, Giyuu definitely isn’t casual; casual and physical closeness, casual and feelings, casual and sex, are not how he prefers to pair such concepts. But intimacy is difficult for him too, because intimacy means trusting, and trusting means revealing his nakedness — not just undressing his lover. While you know from the get go that you aren’t just a one night stand, friends with benefits, or connected in some other vaguely defined manner, you also initially aren’t entirely sure exactly how deeply rooted his intentions and desires are. After all, he’s shy about meeting your gaze, keeps the lights dim, and hardly moans or closes his eyes… until you finally, finally ask him about it. “Giyuu, what am I to you?” 🥺 “I don’t understand.” 🙃 “I… well, I feel like when we have sex, you make love to me, but I somehow can’t make love to you.” He doesn’t properly answer you, seconds from dreamland after tiredly wiping his cum off your thighs 😴, but he was listening, and the next time he finds himself sliding slowly into you, he cracks a smile—rather than glance away—when you catch him in his contented daze. 💓

Jack Off? masturbation

Giyuu goes through phases of jerking off every day of the week to not touching himself for upwards of a month. There’s no pattern to the duration or frequency of each phase, and he doesn’t really consciously think about it either. Sometimes he’s horny, and other times he’s just not. That being said, solo masturbation and sexual acts with others (others being you) are separate entities to him. Whether he just came that same morning, or hasn’t cum alone in a couple of weeks, he’s always more than willing to feel your pretty cunt (or throat, or hands, because he’s not about to be picky) flutter and squeeze around his cock.

Kink? ~specific turn ons

Lace. 😍 Giyuu knows lace is often rough and uncomfortable 🥲, but there’s just something divine about seeing your breasts in lace and satin; about running calloused palms up your scantily clad thighs (if you ever want to buy a(nother) garter, then Giyuu will always hand you his credit card — no questions asked 😌), snapping your frilly waistband against your plush, warm hips; lapping at the delicate material covering your nipples till they’re perky and damp, gushing about You’re absolutely stunning and Can’t decide if I’d rather fuck you with these beautiful panties on or off. Sometimes, he’ll literally stop and stare (or make you ~model for him 😵‍💫), breath caught in his chest at how perfectly the floral embroidery matches your eyes; at how ethereal and whimsical you appear, the facade of angelic elegance dissipating as you perch on all fours before him, teasing fingers tugging at the sorry excuse of a string between your cheeks. “The longer you wait, the more likely I am to ruin these panties,” you purr, craning your neck to stare over your shoulder at his awestruck expression, “You wouldn’t want that, hm? Wouldn’t want me to have to buy a new set of lace for you?” Spoiler alert: of course he wants you to buy another set of lace for him 😖, but he quite likes your current set too 🥴, so he’s quick to lean over you, mouth messy and hot as he kisses you thoroughly, clever hand slipping underneath you to cup and knead your tit while his other maintains his balance on the mattress.

Location? where they prefer to have sex

Call him basic, but Giyuu likes having sex in bed. 🤗 It’s comfortable, safe, and a sturdy headboard (+ a couple of velcro straps and/or handcuffs) can make it not-so-vanilla too. He’s the reason you have so many pillows, because while he’s okay with taking one for the team and sleeping in any cum spots 🫡, he refuses to sleep on a stained pillow (understandable 😝). As a man who gets extra sleepy after sex, changing sheets/pillowcases usually isn’t in the cards for him, so he’d rather just have plenty of pillows and swap them out when necessary.

Motivation? ~general turn ons

Being nice to him. Giyuu’s got a bit of a praise kink, albeit less so that he’ll get go from zero to erection emergency zone if you compliment him 😆, and more so that he remembers your kindness and attentiveness throughout the day, and returns your care and affection tenfold at night 😉. He also appreciates clean and tidy nails, genuine smiles (although your fake laughter—when not targeted at him—does make him chuckle 🫢), and when you playfully tug his hair to redirect his focus. “Oi, babe, I said left,” you huff amusedly, pointing across the street. He nods slowly, smirking faintly as he promptly continues heading in the wrong direction (if only to get you to tug on his hair again 😌). 

No? turn offs

Giyuu’s pretty flexible. 😌 He can be kinky (after reading a dozen or so ~articles about how exactly to go about exploring X kink), he can be vanilla, but he isn’t into cheating/cuckolding. 😓 Not even for a roleplay scenario. He could be (pretty easily) discussed into having a threesome, or simply a voyeuristic counterpart 👀, but No. Cheating. He trusts that you love him, and he knows he loves you, but it just feels a lil too real to even think about, let alone play out. 😕

Oral? giver or receiver

Giyuu tends to be the receiver, because he has a 50/50 chance of lasting through foreplay whenever he’s the giver. 😶 That being said, he doesn’t exactly have a ~preference, and definitely doesn’t perceive giving oral sex to be a chore, annoying, or tiresome — he just doesn’t want to disappoint you by cumming too soon should you still desire penetrative sex after oral sex. 

Position? their favorite position(s)

Doggystyle, because Giyuu can’t get enough of hearing his thighs slap against yours. 🫢 From cupping the tops of your thighs and pulling your body toward him to both steady himself and fuck deeper into your cunt, to gripping the inside of your thighs to spread your legs farther apart while spitting lazily on your back Fuck, so fucking filthy for me, to listening to how sweaty and eager you are as your skin clings and claps to his, doggystyle is easily his favorite. A close second, when either of you are feeling too lazy for doggystyle, would be missionary, because once again, Giyuu can use your thighs to pull you closer and spread you wider (and his spit + your boobs = ✨shiny boobs✨). 

Quickie? a fan or not-a-fan

Giyuu isn’t a huge fan of quickies (not enough time to devour you whole), but your first few times together were quick nonetheless. 😏💀 After he’s gotten over his initial awe (let’s be honest tho — he never really gets over it 😍), he’s better about not ~accidentally making everything a quickie 😝, but you lowkey still have him wrapped around your finger. 😇 In other words, Giyuu doesn’t like ‘em, but you have the power to create them whenever you so desire. 😎😂

Risk? their risk tolerance

Low risk tolerance. 🙃 In theory, Giyuu isn’t against sexual risk taking (i.e. semi public sex), but in practice, he gets too flustered-embarrassed-mortified-at-the-thought-of-being-caught 🫣 to actually follow through. If you casually mention how hot it would be If you pressed me up against this wall and slipped your hand under my skirt to feel how wet I am, then he’ll do the press-you-up-against-the-wall part 😏, but will shakily vice grip the hem of your skirt, unable to continue (he wants to 😭, but just can’t 🥴). 

Stamina?

In terms of how long Giyuu can fuck you in a single position before his muscles give out? He has practically unlimited stamina. 😎 His lanky, lithe physique isn’t purely for show y’know! 😉 It’s for holding you up against a wall, cock thrusting upward into your dripping cunt as your nails dig crescent moons into his shoulders, his face buried in your neck as he focuses intently on the slick, lewd sound of his balls tapping your pretty asshole. And for holding you up above him while you straddle his hips, your legs cramping from exhaustion—Aw darling, can’t ride me any longer?—adoration in his eyes as he begins fucking roughly into your pussy, delirious on how willingly you allow him to pleasure your body. However, in terms of how long Giyuu can fuck you before he cums? … … … he’s working on it. 🫠 That being said, he makes up for premature orgasms with potential quantity! 😏 If you’re feeling especially horny, then he can usually manage an orgasm morning, noon, and night 🥰 — just don’t expect much out of him the following day. 😵‍💫😂

Toys?

Giyuu might be a lil jealous of them. 🤪 Not actually, he’s not that insecure of himself and your relationship… but you could totally rile him up by starting without him, winking exaggeratedly with your favorite vibrator grazing your clit as he walks into the bedroom, giggling when he promptly plops onto the bed beside you, still fully clothed, hand nudging you and your toy out of his way as he grumbles halfheartedly, “So I guess I didn’t need to hurry up the stairs after all, you’ve got everything taken care of.” 😔 Your failsafe solution? Gently grasp his noticeable bulge, and declare, “Clearly not everything, seeing as I’ve yet to solve this problem.” 😌😉😏😎 Will he cringe at your cheesiness? Yes. 🥴 Will he also frantically begin unzipping and kicking off his pants? Also yes. 😳

Unfair? how they feel about teasing/being teased

Tease at your own discretion, because Giyuu can not handle it. 😃 He enjoys it! But his imagination does wonders at filling in the blanks you’re leaving, and if you’re not careful, then he might just spill over before you’re ready! 😅 Teasing you goes pretty much the same, because as much as he tries to convince himself that you’re the one he’s edging, truly, he’s edging both of you, and he’s too in love with you to not succumb to his own delicate, torturous charm. 🙃💞

Volume?

Quiet and breathy, or desperate and babbling, with no in between. Push him far enough, and he’ll murmur filth nonstop (most of it incoherent 😅) until he’s shaking and cumming, or bask in the soft glow of his occasional grunts and low hisses. Sex in the morning is usually near silent, but sex in the evening frequently brings out the singular, guttural groan that always accompanies his hardest orgasms. 

Wild Card?

On rare occasions, Giyuu rims you. The stuttered, needy whine, and the feeling of your pussy tightening around his cock, whenever he brushes the pad of his thumb over your asshole do not go unnoticed by him, so he can only imagine how sensitive and gorgeous you would feel and sound if the tip of his tongue replaced his wandering hands — and he’s proven ~right when he rims you for the first time, and you practically wail at the hot wetness of his mouth. So good for me, letting me eat your pretty ass he rasps, spit bridging from his chin to your ass cheeks, your thighs quivering in his grip, drooling onto your pillow as you rock your hips backward toward his slick, skillful tongue What a fucking treat, getting to taste you here.

X-ray?

Giyuu’s cock is pretty. 7” erect, somewhat slim, with a fat and squishy tip that beads precum like it’s modeling for an advertisement. Its length always catches you off guard because it doesn’t look especially big (think cute twink vs beefy jock), but as he slowly pushes himself in a couple inches, pulls out till his tip catches at your entrance, and then slowly pushes himself in a couple inches farther than before, you can’t help but gasp. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, voice low and thick in his throat, eyes gleaming as he watches himself disappear into your luscious cunt, your body presented to him so stunning on your chest and knees. “Fuck,” is your graceful response, face buried in the mattress, back arching forward with every shallow thrust, “So deep.” He’d chuckle at your cliche whimper if he wasn’t so focused on not cumming, his hands cupping your hips in an attempt to handle you tenderly, the desperate clinging of your walls sucking away his self control as he slips farther, farther, deeper into your heat.

Yearning? sex drive

Horny, and by horny, I mean 24/7. Giyuu’s so used to it though (the perpetual state of being borderline turned on), that it doesn’t exactly feel like horny. He could fuck whenever (albeit, not necessarily wherever), but doesn’t need to (he’s a grown man y’know, he has ~some control 😉). This is a problem at first, because he refrains from initiating (afraid of scaring you away with his sex drive 😬)—to the point where you worry that you’re pressuring him into being physically intimate—but as soon as you communicate your concern, he’s quick (and embarrassed 😶) to assure you that I’m horny all the time. Do you want me to fuck you all the time? 😐 You might jokingly say Duh!, but his sentiment registers nonetheless. ☺️

Zzz?

🎵out like a light🎶 Morning sex? Giyuu’s taking a five minute power nap. 😴 Afternoon sex? Giyuu’s taking a thirty minute cat nap. 😴 Evening sex? Giyuu’s going to sleep. 😴 He does his best to check in with you vs straight up knocking out, but unless something urgent arises (i.e. intense feelings, physical pains, etc), he’s not someone to rely on after he cums. Of course, he can ~technically orgasm and then continue his day without conking out, but his resulting moodiness/distractedness takes a while to wear off whenever that happens.

[sirfrogsworth]

The Testosterone Report

I'm going to use this post to help document any changes I notice as I begin TRT.

For those who missed it, I was diagnosed with crucially low levels of testosterone which have been causing serious fatigue and brain fog issues beyond my already present serious fatigue and brain fog issues. I used to only have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy fighting each other to make me tired. But the universe decided I could be even more fatigued than I already was. Going from being in bed about 20 to 22 hours per day to being in bed 24/7 for the last 2 months.

So, here we go...

12/16/24

I had two very intense nightmares. I know sometimes people get nightmares, but these felt very different. And I'm pretty sure they were manifested by my body adjusting to the T.

I also had another very obvious sign of increased testosterone. I struggle to talk about sexual things. I grew up very repressed. But hopefully we are all adults here and I can talk about this maturely without it being a big deal. I'm just tracking my progress and this is relevant information concerning my treatment.

That said, I had 2... incidents.

Yeah, I'm going to need a codeword for this so I don't feel so awkward talking about it.

I had 2... hormone-induced hard-ons.

Which we are going to call HI-HOs from now on.

Because we are adults and very mature.

I haven't had any issues getting a HI-HO with low T. The equipment always worked whenever I tested it out. I just was severely lacking in interest. Which I blamed on stress and anxiety and age.

These 2 HI-HOs were completely spontaneous and occurred without any stimulus. They also felt more... enthusiastic. So I was confident they were actual HI-HOs and not just run-of-the-mill HOs.

Or ROTM-HOs

--End of Report--

If I can be honest about something... I think I ignored my diminished libido for a long time because I preferred it. I am very lonely and I don't have much chance of ever changing that. I will never have the energy required to be in a healthy relationship. I tried several times and could never make it work.

So I liked not having to deal with that aspect of daily living. I liked having my thoughts clear and unmotivated by sex. And I'm not entirely sure I want my libido to return, so I think I ignored it as a possible symptom.

But I can't live with this much fatigue and lack of concentration. I can't finish sentences. Communicating with the people in my life has become very difficult. And the one thing I enjoy the most and find the most relaxing is editing photos. This past week I have struggled to find the concentration to edit anything at all. If I have to put up with a bunch of HI-HOs to keep my most important creative outlet, so be it.

I did hear back from a therapist. I will hopefully be starting in January. Perhaps I can figure out how to deal with this particular matter. It was nice to not have any sexual frustration for a while. But I think finding better coping methods is probably the best way to go.

[quaking-in-my-converse]

My Chemical Sims 4 Experience

Okay so in the Sims 4 I have My Chem living as my neighbors, because me and my lil bro live together.

But ngl half the time I have to have my Sim living in their house too because THOSE FUCKS GENUINELY DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION

-RAYMOND TORO WHY ARE YOU MAKING PASTA PRIMAVERA AT 12 AM -FRANK ANTHONY IERO IF YOU NEED TO TAKE A PISS GO TAKE ONE -MICHAEL JAMES WAY WHY ARE YOU ON THE COMPUTER PLAYING THE SIMS WHEN YOU HAVE WORK IN 2 MINUTES -GERARD ARTHUR WAY CLEAN UP YOUR GODDAMN DISHES

And then all four of them will come home from work all needing to either piss or use the shower and they all smart having really low hygeine because Ray is so damn disgusting at the moment that he's been using the shower for like an hour

AND NONE OF THEM GET ANY SLEEP

Like I swear every time I go to switch the family I control to those fucks, their energy levels are all at critical level.

Every time my Sim visits, somebody collapses on the floor from exhaustion.

AND YET when my lil bro's Sim SO KINDLY decides to break into their house because Frank is home alone (he slept in and completely missed work), the moment my master chef lil bro starts cooking, Frank fucking revives himself from the realm of sleep to kick him out of the house.

And also suddenly when I wasn't paying attention, Mikey Way was flirting with my younger brother. What the fuuuuuuuuck.

And anytime any of the appliances break down, I have MY SIM repair their appliances for them even though it's THEIR GODDAMN HOUSE, because they're all too busy making a garden salad or practicing guitar or staring at a fucking poster in the living room.

They are also all poor as shit, because most of them never get promoted, because they can't do their promotion tasks, because they're too busy being stupid and doing absolutely useless shit.

SHOULD I MENTION MY SIM HAS TO COME OVER TO DO 90% OF THEIR DISHES TOO? AND TAKE OUT THEIR TRASH?

Like lowkey this is why you don't shove 4 guys in a house and call it a day.

My Sim just keeps nonchalantly pulling up in cargo pants and a t shirt and basically fucking parenting them.

ALSO

I built a mini performing stage outside their house with some random benches and shit for funsies, and sometimes THEY SLEEP ON THOSE FUCKING BENCHES. LIKE Y'ALL I SPECIFICALLY BOUGHT YOU GUYS THE COMFORTABLE BLACK AND RED BUNK BEDS SO I COULD SHOVE YOU ALL INTO THE BEDROOM WHILE STILL MAKING IT COMFORTABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.

And like just today, all 4 of them were moping around because they were apparently all friends with Geoffrey Landgraab, and then he died of old age? So I had to try and cheer them up a bit so that they weren't just stuck on being Very Sad.

AAA they piss me off.

But it's fun so whatever :D

[katmaibearfan]

BearCam Season Approaches! (slowly)

Hey folks, it's been a while since I've posted! A little ~personal update~ is under the cut, but before we get to that, some pre-season housecleaning!

As far as i am aware, the official date of the bear cams being turned back on is unknown. Generally speaking, it happens some time in mid-late June -- though many of the bears do not appear until July, since that's when the salmon start arriving.

Usually at this time of year I would be watching (and likely posting occasionally about) the Dumpling Mountain cam, because you can often spot the first bears of the season on it (as little specks in the river) before the other cams are up. However, the Dumpling Mountain cam is currently offline. I've heard rumors that it was damaged in a storm and needs repairs, though i can no longer locate the comment that said that. If anyone has a source on that, please let me know!

The start of the bear cam season is often slow, as the bears wander one by one over to the river. But since the cams turn on in the middle of bear mating season, there's two things i would like to note:

First is that if you watch the cams, you will likely see some bears courting or mating at some point. I will post photos, gifs, and potentially videos of bears courting (as i did last year for 32 chunk's nearly week-long courtship of 101 or 164 Bucky and 901's very very cute extended courtship), but i will not post any photos, gifs, or videos of bears mating. However, I may post text updates about who has been seen mating with who, because i think it's fun in a "world's least harmful reality TV show" kinda way.

Second, mating season means that mother bears who enter into estrus must separate from their cubs. This is sometimes hard for people to watch -- it's always hard on humans to see a family break apart. This year especially, we have many family units that we expect to separate from each other. I will continue to tag all newly-separated subadults with their cub tag until they receive an official identification number.

that's all the bear-related stuff i've got for now -- on to the ~personal update~ below the cut, aka, why i've basically disappeared since the cams ended (whoops).

I posted a while ago about my Mystery B12 Deficiency. Turns out, I also had critically low iron and critically low vitamin D. In addition, my resting heart rate was averaging 110-120bpm, and my blood pressure was Weird Enough that i had to get Approximately One Billion Tests Done. (for anyone curious, i'll explain at the bottom, it's a little involved but i think it's pretty interesting)

We still don't know why my BP is the way it is, because every single test (and there were so many) has come back completely normal. My heart rate is getting lower as my vitamin levels bounce back, which is good! But also, once i started Vitamin D, my severe hypermobility that almost completely disappeared several years ago (and got replaced by very severe muscle pain and stiffness instead) is coming back. rapidly. with a vengeance.

So, between all of the tests and appointments and adjusting to my body very quickly falling apart at the seams again, i have been, uhh, busy. really, really busy. I didn't want to take the whole off-season off from this blog. I really didn't. But I just did not have the time or energy to actually do any of the things I wanted to do. So, now we're here.

Weird Blood Pressure Explainer, for anyone curious: Blood pressure has two numbers, Systolic and Diastolic. Systolic is the top number, and Diastolic is the bottom number. Most people who have "high blood pressure" have either high Systolic pressure or both high Systolic and Diastolic Blood pressure. I am not one of those people. My Systolic blood pressure is Basically Normal, at 115-125-ish. My diastolic blood pressure, however, is in stage 2 hypertension at roughly 90-95. There are very few things that cause this pattern of high blood pressure -- sleep apnea (which i do not have), various endocrine disorders (we did All Of The Blood Tests for these, and all of them were negative), and various kidney disorders (we did both blood tests and extensive imaging for, and all of it was also negative). Also, i had extensive heart imaging done a few months ago, and it's totally normal, so there's nothing wrong structurally or anything. So now we're just waiting to see if it gets worse over time, and otherwise leaving it alone. But my doctors sure are Concerned and Confused in the mean time.

[wisteriaiswriting]

*Sees your answer to my ask* Well in that case...

*Waddles over and stares with my autistic eyes* Can I please get a romantic crk matchup with either the legendaries, beasts, or ancients?(Whichever you think fits best, I ain't picky lol)

Warning: this is l o n g because I am a rambler but at least it's organized...?

~~~~~~~~~

Basic info: she/her, Aries Star + Taurus Rising, ENTP. I'm pan so any gender is fine with me =)

Personality: I'm usually a very optimistic and cheerful person. I have little to no volume control and use my hands a lot when talking. Excited hand flapping? 100%. I'm very open and friendly. I'm a procrastinator with the attention span of a dragonfly. Not sure if it matters but I'm autistic and waiting on an ADHD diagnosis. I can read people's emotions pretty easily, and while I might not be the best at comforting people, I try my best!! Mostly I comfort people by offering distractions. As for flaws, I'm impulsive. I tend to act/speak before my brain can catch up with what I'm about to do, which causes problems often. I'm indecisive, stubborn, and a bit dishonest. Lazy, too. I've been told I brighten up people's days, though sometimes I wish I knew how to brighten up my own day. I get frustrated and annoyed easily, and I'm very sensitive. I get angry easily but when I get angry I cry and crying makes me feel embarrassed and I end up crying more because of it T^T. I tend to see myself in a more 2D way, as someone who sees childishness and innocence as my main traits, while my friends tend to describe me as someone more reliable, with a sense of humor that catches people off-guard.

Romance: My love language is physical affection. I'm a huge fan of subtle PDA. If I have a partner, I will hold their hand EVERYWHERE and give them random cheek/forehead kisses. Quality Time is also very important to me, and although sometimes this leads to me being clingy, I can tell when my partner needs space. Around my partner, I will try to flirt with them by... well I don't actually know how to flirt. I might playfully insult them if they're okay with it. I might just be myself like all the movies advise. I'll also try to learn more about their interests, and show them my own interests, which is a big deal since I usually never actually put in the effort to learn other's interests(I'm a bit lazy when it comes to that). I would also share my playlists with them(even BIGGER deal, I literally never do that because I see my playlists as pieces of my soul so they're very personal to me). I often find myself drawn to quieter people. I like when they're still as silly as I am, just... a bit more gentle. A bit less chaotic. 80% of my energy levels =P I also don't like people who struggle to show their emotions. Like, they can be amazing friends, but romantically I couldn't handle it. I'd be too constantly stressed out about trying to guess how they're feeling.

Hobbies and random likes: I love listening to music! Mainly Madilyn Mei, Yaelokre, Mother Mother or Beetlebug tbh, tho I love soft indie music and Indie Folk in general with the occasional Indie Rock. I also like to watch cartoons and play videogames!! I love singing, though sometimes I get nervous singing in front of crowds... I love the color orange, especially pastel orange. I also like sharks, and I want to be a Journalism/art commissioner when I grow up. I love perfumes that have REAL smells, like mint and lemon and vanilla. I like collecting stickers, and temporary tattoos. My body is a canvas, and I intend to cover it head-to-toe in art. I also collect plushies!! Especially scented plushies!! I L O V E scented plushies!! I enjoy swimming a whole lot, even though I kinda suck at it.

Other: I have a pet hermit crab named Rocky and he is my son. When I grow up I want to grow the family and get a leopard gecko!! Tho my dream pet is either a cockatoo or a bunny. I low-key wish I'd been born a sea creature because society kinda sucks tbh. I don't like it. I wanna live out my days swimming around being a silly lil creature that doesn't know anything about how messed up society is but instead I just gotta make the best out of being a human... at least we have sweets though!! And good music!! In totally unrelated news, I am a huge furry-- I have a habit of constantly switching interests, but some things always remain the same, like my love of romance novels, dragons, and making OC's as a form of escapism =P

I'm sorry for making you read all this ToT I hope you have a great day tho!! =) here, have a song recommendation as a thank-you/congratulations for reading all this: Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother

I match you with...

(I did include the second ask that added onto this)

Pure Vanilla!

He tries his best to guide you with any choices, ultimately letting you make the choice but helps you choose. He’s also surprisingly stubborn when he needs to be, so if he needs to be stubborn he will be. And always seems to know when you’re being dishonest, it’s like some sort of sixth sense.

It feels nice to him to hold your hand, it lets him know that you’re right next to him and he gets to hold your hand. Also loves the surprise kisses, it’s a nice little surprise when they happen.

Appreciates some quality time together, unless he needs absolute full concentration then he doesn’t mind you being clingy. Is surprisingly strong so if you want to or let him, he’ll carry you around for a little while.

He is a decently quiet cookie, so a lot of cookies don’t get to know his personality. So you find out he is quite silly, just a bit whimsical, if you will.

He doesn’t technically hide his emotions but they are quite hard to notice, they do become much easier during your relationship.

Is also a fan of perfumes, especially more subtle or softer scents. Ironically a fan of soft vanilla.

Really needs someone who aggressively cares for him like you do, it really helps him not pass out during the day or starve. Quickly he notices the differences in your routine and how you care for him a lot more than you do for yourself, so eventually he flips the roles, while you care for him he also cares for you.

Pure Vanilla Cookie 12

Golden Cheese Cookie 8

Hollyberry Cookie 6

Dark Cacao Cookie 5

White Lily Cookie 2

[chronicallycouchbound]

A Guide for Coming into Disability

Note: While this is meant to serve as a guide for people who are becoming physically disabled and people newly recognizing their existing experiences of disability (including chronic illness), I feel that this guide is helpful for anyone, disabled or abled. No guide is one size fits all, but I hope this can help supplement other resources that exist.

Recognizing Disability

The first aspect of coming into disability is conceptualizing what disability means for you. Some initial questions to consider are:

What is disability?

What does it mean to be disabled?

How do you identify disability in yourself or others?

Only you can define what these mean for yourself, but many definitions and models of disability exist.

Loss & Grief

As you begin to transition into a disabled body, the first sign of that change is often the experience of loss. Loss of ability, access to the world, hobbies, community, loved ones, and your sense of self are just some of the types of loss you might be experiencing. Additionally, when being a part of any marginalized community, you are now not only beginning to experience the trauma of discrimination that you’re personally facing but you are also exposed to a communal trauma of systemic marginalization.

Due to the ableist society we live in, every single person is internalizing ableism. Everything we see on the news, in movies, in classrooms, etc. is absorbed subconsciously to create a personalized narrative of the disabled experience. Weather or not that ableism is externalized doesn’t matter, because if you’re not actively dismantling internalized ableism and practing anti-ableism, then that ableism will hit you much harder when you transition into disability. The work to navigate this is constant, evolving and will change with time.

All of this is very heavy. Always unpacking, always processing, always grieving. But it does get easier to navigate, especially with the proper supports. To cope with this, I highly recommend seeking out appropriate support groups (many are online, Facebook, Discord, The Mighty are some great places to look) and considering grief counseling. Through this, remember to be gentle with yourself, cut off people if you need to, set boundaries, and do what you need to to support yourself and keep yourself safe.

Spoon Theory in Practice

A large portion of my disabled experience is simply just learning. Learning about my body, treatments, my limitations, and what I can still do. This dynamic learning often requires more language to explain complex concepts. This brings us to the spoon theory. If you don’t yet know about spoon theory, here’s the original essay by Christine Miserandino.

Spoon theory works to help explain the energy limitations of chronic illness and has been widely adopted by the greater disabled community. Essentially, it is a metaphor that uses spoons as a metric to showcase energy levels in a tangible form. Over time your spoons will change, different activities might require more or less spoons, and recharging your spoons may also evolve. This is why it’s important to use the concept of spoon theory to help you set boundaries with yourself and others.

For yourself, being able to identify your spoon levels and use them appropriately to ration energy can help you avoid falling into pitfalls like the “Boom-Bust Cycle” and better pace yourself. I put this into practice by creating lists rating activities by spoon levels. I have a master list of meals I can eat, categorized by how many spoons it usually takes to make the meal. This way, I can plan out in advance on low spoon days, like when I have PT, and know I won’t have the energy to cook a meal that takes three spoons to make, I can meal plan for the week and buy what I need for a one spoon meal that day. This can also be applied to things like chores and hobbies. I sort my to-do list by priority, and then by how many spoons it will take to do the activity. Knowing your spoon levels can assist in setting boundaries with others as well. I always have a standing appointment on Tuesdays, so I never make plans that day. I always ask for help with certain chores because even if I physically can get them done, I won’t have spoons for the rest of the day or even the week.

Accepting Disability

In order to cope with the loss of certain activities, finding accessible alternatives can go a long way. You might be able to find an adaptive way to still participate in a hobby, like adaptive basketball. There are also so many options for hobbies in the world, and you might be surprised by what works for you now! This is a good time to start to focus on what you can do, with adaptations, vs what you used to be able to/now can’t do.

Mobility aids are a beautiful tool. My advice is if you think that an aid might help you, you should at least try it! If it ends up not helping, or you don’t need it, you can always donate it. I also like to say (and my physical therapist likes to remind me) Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

And, of course, ask for help before your body demands it.

Disabled Liberation & Disabled Joy

If you have the spoons and time, you should prioritize learning about our history as a community (Crip Camp on Netflix is a great place to start) Additionally, you can learn about disability theory, models of disability, ugly laws, cripple punk movement, and our rights.

Disabled Joy is a concept that considers our joy to be a revolutionary act in and of itself. I use ‘joy’ here, rather than happiness, because while similar, happiness is based in the root word ‘hap’ meaning chance (as in mishap and happenstance), meaning that the experience itself is based in luck and external factors, and focus instead on the sensation associated with it– regardless of your situation, which is joy. Disabled joy looks like my partner sprinting while pushing me down the sidewalk with the wind in my face. It looks like a perfect day in Sims 4. It comes with safe foods and the healing power of accessible plauygrounds. You find it where it comes, and I hope you can find it in yourself.

Finding Community

The best part of the disabled experience, for me, is our thriving community. When it comes to community building, I always suggest online options first because they’re available 24/7 for most people, and you can reach community from your home. I’ve already mentioned online support groups, but also, online content creators are a great way to find community. If your social media following list is primarily able-bodied creators, especially ones who focus on activities that aren’t accessible to you, it can be really damaging to your mental health. This can help you to find friends who get what you're going through.

Self-advocacy and systemic advocacy resources from our peers and organizations can give you the tools and feel empowered to create change. Seeking resources by and for our community can be lifesaving. You’re reading one right now.

Welcome to the community.

♿️❤️ (wheelchair emoji, heart emoji)

[in-my-loki-feels]

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

I think I may have done something like this once but it feels like it was a while ago so hopefully this isn't repetitive. It's always fun to look back on my writing, so thank you for the tags @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @andthekitchensinkao3 @kcscribbler and @lokimobius!

1. How many works on AO3?

I have 59 fics! (and boy does it irk me not to have a nice round number. I should've waited to do this until after my next fic.🤣)

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

622,756 words

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

This one feels skewed because they're all from my last fandom, which is the largest and most active I've ever been a part of. (Also, three of the below were event fics, which always get more circulation.)

Found: Extremely Friendly Fox lost whenever you go dying of thirst A bridge in the dark Ember burning low

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I'm writing for Loki and (technically) Crimson Peak x Bridgerton. (More on that later. 🤭) In the past, I've written for Assassin's Creed 2, XMFC, CA:TWS, and Overwatch, to name a few.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my absolute best, though I do fall behind depending on my current energy levels. I greatly appreciate any kind of comment and I want to respond to show my thanks to anyone who took the time to leave one. <3

6. Angstiest Ending?

It's not on ao3 but there is one fic (technically a series of vignettes) that is the angstiest shit I've ever written and every time I remember and go back to read it, I get depressed. It's canon's fault! (And the sad songs I was writing for.)

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

How to answer this when pretty much everything I write has a happy ending, lol. I guess I'll say A Desperate Play for Control because it's a long fic that's angsty at times but has a definitive, sappy-as-hell, happy ending. 💚🧡

8. Do you get hate?

I don't think I have, though I have gotten critical comments that missed the point of a fic.

9. Do you write smut?

Boy howdy, do I ever. 29 fics worth. 😂

10. Do you write crossovers?

Have you heard the good word about Sharperton?? 🤣 Take Sir Thomas Sharpe from Crimson Peak, throw him into the arms of Benedict Bridgerton, and you've got yourself a crossover!

I did also one write a very silly Prometheus/XMFC crossover of sorts.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

No, but I've had them cross-posted to other sites without permission, which I don't love.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a couple of people ask if they can translate a fic and that's always so flattering.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

I'm doing so now! @silentxsymphony and I are deep in the mines of our Sharperton agenda.

I would also count my Avengers AU under this since @wolfpup026 and I bounced ideas back and forth.

14. All time favourite ship?

An impossible question! I have favorites that I love even 20+ years on, so it doesn't feel fair to compare those to ones I've only recently fallen for, like Lokius. They're good ships, Brent.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably anything from previous fandoms. I have some ideas I still really like but my reasons for disconnecting from one particular fandom kind of affected my love of writing for that ship.

The best answer for this is probably the XMFC Cherik werewolf fic.

16. Writing strengths?

Sappy endings? Porn with feelings? Characters actually talking things out instead of ignoring each other? (I'm bad at this type of question.🙈)

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Descriptions, especially scenery and clothing. They don't come naturally to me so I have to force myself to go back and figure out what people are wearing and what's around them, aside from anything characters have interacted with in that scene.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

*sweats in AC2 fics* 😅 As a reader, it does sometimes frustrate me if there's a lot of text in another language and the meaning isn't obvious. Even when authors try to use links to take you to the bottom of the fic for the translation, and then back up, it disrupts my immersion, which affects my enjoyment of the fic. I sometimes just gloss over that text and check the translations at the end.

As a writer, I'm guilty of it. I used a sprinkling of Italian in my Assassin's Creed fics because it was so prevalent in the games. I think the meaning was usually obvious. There was one fic where I wanted to have characters speaking in Italian and English but not understanding each other, so for that one I said, "Consider the default Italian. Anything in English will be in []."

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My brain is mush so my early fics all kind of jumble together. I think it might have been something for Batman: The Animated series, but only a scene or two. The first full fic was either Star Wars or The X-Files.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Another impossible question! I'm going to say it's between A Desperate Play for Control and Love What's Gone. For the former, that might be the largest rewrite of canon events I've tackled (usually my AU's are very different) and it was so creatively exciting and rewarding to work with @wolfpup026.

For the latter, I don't feel like the kind of author to tackle big themes (like grief) in my fics, and I'm always claiming I don't write angst, but I'm really proud of how that one turned out. 🥹 I'm usually just trying to make the dolls kiss!

This turned into a long post so I'm not going to tag anyone. If you reached the end and want to answer the questions, feel free to tag me!

[theposhsworld]

Firstly, to preface, no matter what our positions are— from housewife, to corporate lady and everything in between— I have respect for everyone here. We are making the effort to improve ourselves and honor our femininity each day in a world that is making every effort to stomp out traditional values. And this matters more to me than job titles or any of that nonsense.

For us working women, here is some insight on how to best stay feminine while doing so:

🌸 working based on your cycle: 🔑 🔑Women’s body’s are not built to function around the 9-5 workday like men’s are. Due to hormonal fluctuations we have inconsistencies in our energy levels. I understand that if this information were common it would lead to discrimination. Women create amazing things that are in many cases beyond the scope of men. But, we need to respect our bodies and understand when the output is too much. During our cycle, we have the lowest energy and during ovulation the highest. I recommend all women understand and learn more about their unique cycles but that’s for a different topic.

🌸 self care: You need to prioritize self care no matter what. Most workplaces will replace you in a heartbeat, when you spend years building up stress on your body to work for them. Make sure you have at least a couple hours each week for a pampering day. Your self care needs to take precedence, if you need to use a sick day or PTO so you can pamper yourself, always do it!

🌸After work time: since we have limited time we need to be very careful about how we are using our free time. Having a monthly, weekly, and daily schedule are essential. Mapping out what needs to get done and when will help immensely. Also it will help you make time for your family, hobbies, self improvement and dating!

🌸“quit quitting” which is to basically do the bare minimum to stay afloat in your job while still keeping employment. I know it’s used in a quite negative manner, but it is helpful to know exactly the amount of work you need to do at minimum.

🌸pick your role/ industry strategically: I currently work from home for a non-profit. I am not making a high salary by any means but I am comfortable and I work in a low stress environment. I have experienced a lot of industries from service to sales, and this work from home position has been very manageable. These days businesses are what makes money. Of course there are the outliers, but given the infinitesimally low supply and exorbitantly high demand for corporate positions that make someone wealthy, climbing the ladder has a low chance of making someone truly rich. I could have a much higher paying position but I’d be aging myself years due to the stress.

🌸You can always make more money, but restoring your health is far from guaranteed. Also, hypergamy is a better use of our time because it leads to something mutually beneficial= a happy husband, family, and self, which in turn improves the community. I truly believe the value of a HVM goes far bayond his wallet but I would rather get my financial support by a loving partner than by an employer that wants to work me to the bone.

🔑 takeaways: always make self care a priority DO NOT EVER sacrifice your health for your job, make time to organize and prioritize your life, hypergamy is more valuable than a promotion.

[au-wannabe-the-very-best]

I wanna chew on your Misplaced Super Train AU like it's got the texture of perfectly toasted potato bread. I wanna squeeze it like it's a triple-overstuffed squishmallow and wrap it around me like a silken weighted blanket.

This has got to be my single most favorite AU of yours so far, and I feel it with such intensity that all the All Caps and exclamation points in the world could not help me express it.

Feed

Me

More

Please

Like, does the group do anything about Volo, or does he manage to avoid them/avoid giving them Rancid Vibes? I feel like they would have a pretty good mix of people/pokemon able to pick up on individual little things that come together to make a Concerning Picture.

And how are the people (Emmet et. al.) back home doing? How do they feel? Because a whole group of people disappearing launches people straight into conspiracy theories rather than just ("just") the concern a single dissappearance would generate.

Would the group show up in history books? Would Ingo & Co know they were gonna disappear (a lá Stable Time Loop) or is it more like they don't show up in history until it happens (if at all)? (Time is weird.)

I think because of the fact that they just accidentally came through a space-time rift, Volo's operating under the assumption that they weren't sent to stop his plans or anything, so he just avoids them. As for the group, I think it would be super funny if they have like. An instinct for people who wield legendaries. Because they're so used to passengers trying to sneak them into the battle subway. They're BANNED for a reason.

So, like, they KNOW Volo's got legendary voodoo all over him but they don't particularly care? Not their passenger, not their problem.

As for the family back home, Emmet and the others aren't really handling this very well. Interpol gets involved immediately, but their lack of results is very discouraging. See, before this, there has been things disappearing throughout history that logically shouldn't just disappear! Things like a whole fridge or a washing machine, for example. But it's always been attributed to a thief who's got a really well-trained psychic type, or something like that. Nobody is going to connect these random disappearances to a whole ass train vanishing off the tracks, despite the fact that they're both connected to the space-time distortions. Up until this point, all previous disappearances were low-level and weren't given much investigation.

So there's really... no precedence on how to handle this. Not even "fallers" are as bizarre as this. Plus, there's no ultra wormhole energy, so that's ruled out fairly quickly. Interpol has got no leads. And the internet is getting wild with the conspiracy theories, much to the dismay of the family and friends of those who went missing.

Emmet breaks his phone against a wall when some tabloid claims it's a publicity stunt.

Anyways, no, I don't think Ingo or the depot agents had any clue they were going to disappear, but I DO think this is going to be a "stable time loop" scenario— while in the past, they're going to have the caution to not reveal much future info, and keep their identities generally a secret. Not to mention, in the future, the "secret third alien clan in Hisui" is considered a conspiracy theory, regardless of the evidence of their existence. It doesn't really reach the ears of the Unovan subway workers, outside of lesser-known memes. There's no photos of them, and the only person in their group who has much a reason to be interacting with anyone native to Hisui would be Ingo. And that's just because Lady Sneasler's taken quite the liking to him. There's the added plus that with Ingo's amnesia, he actually doesn't run much of a risk when it comes to revealing things, so they're not as worried about him interacting with the locals as they are of Big Mouth Cameron who told people they were FROM ANOTHER WORLD.

I also think, when they return, a lot of the proof of their existence is going to be taken with them... Which doesn't leave much for the historians to find.

When they come back, though? Oh, the historical community is going to have a field day with the goodies they brought back.

[zolanort]

A hypothesis regarding the discolored monster blood in LU

We will be working with the assumption that blood in Hyrule has the same general functions that it does on earth. Our heroes are shown to bleed red and seem to expect blood in general to be not-dark at the very least. Based on earth, red/hemoglobin is the most popular option, though green/chlorocruorin and blue/hemocyanin do seem to be on the table based on my N64 save files.

Bad guys like to have their bases in cool places like volcanos. If Dink is set up near a volcano (+10 points for aesthetic) he and his minions could be suffering from Sulfhemoglobinemia. Sulphur can bind to hemoglobin, causing the affected blood to appear darker in color. If this were the case, however, we would expect the dark blooded monsters to be weaker because their blood would be less efficient at carrying oxygen, and therefore this option is unlikely as the black blooded monsters are shown to be stronger than regular monsters. Also the blood wouldn’t be black exactly, but a darker blue-green, so this probably isn’t the culprit.

Having low oxygen levels in general would cause blood to appear darker (darker red, not blue), but just like above, this would leave the monsters weaker rather than stronger, and therefore this option is highly unlikely.

The dark blooded monsters are referred to as being “infected” and Wind even asks if they’re sick.

Our sailor is a smart pirate lad; infections can and do cause blood discolorations, but this is usually due to the presence of something extra in the mix (which is basically always bad/not going to give you a power boost) and/or the usual problem where the red blood cells are rendered less efficient at their oxygen carrying duties, causing a darker red color. Therefore, a straight forward infection involving a biological agent (bacteria etc.) is not likely.

Blood will oxidize when it is old, which could make it appear dark/black in coloration. This doesn’t really support being extra strong or even alive, but this is the option I think is most likely. Why?

Because magic. This isn’t news, we all knew it was magic already. The Bad Guys are being fueled by an evil dark magical infection of some kind. But why black blood and a power boost specifically?

Assuming that magic is a form of energy, I propose that their cellular respiration may have been magically converted to use the evil dark magic instead of ATP. Why? With a (seemingly?) infinite supply of anger and spite fueled dark energy rather than a limited amount of ATP, and also assuming that dark energy wouldn’t impact the electron transport chain like ATP and the associated energy exchange byproducts would, the muscles of an infected monster would never get tired. This addresses our key issue of explaining the power boost symptom.

While any of the other coloration causes above could work along with this idea, due to the citric acid cycle being eliminated from the picture (and the need for breathing/oxygen along with it), the red blood cells are probably just chilling in the evil darkness infused veins of the baddies, aging and then not really doing anything else until the blood is lost via fighting the heroes. This would explain both the dark coloration and why this symptom is directly tied to the evil dark magic and the associated power boost.

Anyway they probably just have discolored blood for evil dark magic aesthetic purposes, which is also cool, but it was fun to try to create an explanation.

[actuallyadhd]

Hello, I know you haven't posted in a while so I understand if you don't reply to this, but I could definitely use some advice.

I haven't gotten round to getting tested for ADHD, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I really struggle to sit still, I often blurt things out and interrupt people, I can't seem to remember basically anything, I get way too emotional over small things, and more.

The thing is, these symptoms seem to be getting progressively worse. I will hear something and then completely forget what I heard minutes after, forget what I'm talking about mid conversation, haven't gone to sleep on time because I've been pacing in my room and throwing a bouncy ball and eventually scrolling on my phone in bed because I can't get to sleep, I'm late a lot more than usual (I have to go out tomorrow and I'm hoping I'll get up on time, alarms don't work).

But the biggest thing is this: I keep stopping and starting things. I have loads of sideblogs I haven't posted on for days because I started them with huge passion and then either got bored or forgot about them (or both.) I've been thinking about starting a new ask blog, but at the same time I know I won't come back to it.

Do you have any advice for how to manage this?

Sent August 1, 2024

It sounds like things are cascading, which can be super overwhelming.

I always start with what I call The Big Four: diet, exercise, sleep, and stress. If any one of these is out of whack, everything gets harder. This is true for non-ADHDers as well, but for us it’s more important because of how our brains work.

So, first, think about how you’ve been eating lately. Are you getting enough protein? Brains run on glucose, so carbs are also necessary, but aiming for whole grains and the like is better for long-term functioning. Are you eating *enough*? As in, do you forget to eat meals? Do you snack a lot, and if you do, are you going for quick sugar hits?

Next up is exercise. Regular movement is important. Taking active breaks when you get distracted can help to reset your brain so you can focus again when you come back. Exercise also adds endorphins, which boost your mood and can help increase energy and focus for longer. These effects build up over time, so you won’t see results right away, but if you can make it happen there will be benefits!

As for sleep, you’ve noted that you’re struggling to fall asleep. That’s a really common thing for ADHDers, and we have loads of suggestions here to help. Some of the best ideas I’ve seen include listening to podcasts or watching ASMR videos, white noise machines or a fan, reading a book (not an e-book unless your e-reader doesn’t use blue light), or doing some kind of a puzzle book in bed.

Stress can be really hard to manage, especially if anything else is off since that adds to your stress. The best way to handle this is to have a set time each day where you do something fun and relaxing.

You may find that this doesn’t quite hit the spot. So I have a couple more things to look into.

First, it’s pretty normal for us to run into problems when our responsibilities increase. More responsibility means more load on our executive functions, so things start falling apart a bit as we struggle to find a way to make everything happen. Change is hard!

Second, our age and hormones can have an impact on things. If you menstruate, estrogen levels have a huge impact on functioning. It is a very important part of the brain’s glucose delivery system, so when estrogen is low so is glucose. (There are other ways glucose gets to the brain, estrogen is just the most efficient.)

As for age, when you hit certain ages (early childhood and puberty are best known) your brain makes a ton of new connections, and that can make a lot of things harder that weren’t before. This is because your brain is dedicating itself to other things, and often those “lost” skills return once it’s done with the stage.

So think about all of these things and consider whether one or more might be affecting you. Once you know what’s going on, it will be easier to figure out how to deal with it.

Followers, do you have any ideas for managing these issues? Please share!

-J