#it's also because my energy levels have been very low for a while

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

I was wondering if you'd consider making an AI of your version of Foul Legacy on character.ai? I understand if you'd rather just write all content yourself. Love your writing ♡

to be honest, i have, but i unfortunately don't have time or the smarts to do it ;-;;;

plus the way i characterize Foul Legacy is pretty specific and i'm nothing if not a perfectionist when it comes to that, so i feel like it'd end up being quite frustrating for me to do. maybe i will in the future when i'm not so busy tho!!

[thevioletcaptain]

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[lunarflare64]

I haven't been able to stop shaking like crazy for hours and I don't know what's happening. Am I starving? Dehydrated? On the edge of a panic attack? Overstimulated? Understimulated? Energised? Tired? Having a heart episode? Is my blood sugar low? Is my iron low? WHATS HAPPENING

[inside-lees-mind]

hi could i rq. general konoha 11 + sand siblings nsfw hcs ! (aged up/boruto ver obv) <3

Also: nobody understands Uchihas better than I do and I don’t even like most of em. /j Why are they all practically evil in fics? I’m going crazy. Most of them are clearly softies when it comes to love. Am I right or am I right???

And sorry, you can tell who I have more ideas for and who I was drawing a blank on.

Oh and sorry yall for the gap in my writing. This one took a while. I’ve been working on it for a bit. And part of it got lost and deleted, so I rewrote it. A long with a couple other stories got deleted and I lost some motivation for a moment lol

Konoha 13 + Sand Siblings HCs

Naruto Uzumaki

He’s energetic, and that 100% applies to in bed too.

Likely inexperienced, but eager. And a little nervous.

Talked big game beforehand, but even if you didn’t know before, you definitely know it was all talk now.

That being said, he’s a quick learner, even if he complains about being confused at first.

I think he’d have like little to no knowledge though, being such a loner for a while, in all. Hope you have patience.

That being said, he is a bit of a pervert with what he does know.

Overall though, he’d set a fast pace, but the sex would still be intimate and soft.

Praise. Praise. Praise. Giving and receiving.

Sasuke Uchiha

No experience, but he knows the ins and outs.

He wasn’t too concerned with sex or anything of that matter before, but when he returned to Konoha, he realized he had feelings for you. So he starts to think about it.

He’s not a pervert like Kakashi or Naruto, and he’d never lose his cool over sexy jutsu, BUTTT he’s secretly horny as hell. Like low sex drive usually, but just being around you makes it sky rocket to abnormal levels.

He’s very private about sex though, so usually only happens in your bedroom or… cough cough in a quiet forest with nobody around cough cough (if you know, you know)

He’s got a breeding kink. Next question.

Uses a mix of degradation and praises.

Lots of demanding, but also lots of giving soooo…

I truly believe Sasuke would be a softer partner than people make him out to be. Like did yall watch Boruto or not?? He’s got awkward and sweet energy. He’s TRYING. He’s emotionally stunted yall.

More dominant and likes to be in control, but will fall apart in your arms anyways. Usually more of a soft dom than anything.

One of the most likely to be fairly kinky though. I think he’d slowly discover he’s into things as they occur or cross his mind.

Sakura Haruno

She knows a lot about the human body.

Might have experience, might not. I could see it either way.

I think your first time with her would happen after like a romantic dinner together. And it would be romantic and slow.

But… that depends on you, because she’ll mostly go with what you want. It makes her happy.

She’s okay with being degraded or praised, but she really only likes to praise you.

Low sex drive.

She likes any position she can see your face.

She’s a switch, depends on her partner’s preference.

Sai Yamanaka

(Obviously not married here but just to have a last name to add)

He read a book about what to do.

Probably does something incredibly stupid at first, but that being said, he’s not an idiot, so not too bad.

You’d probably have to correct him a little bit. Also, tell him to forget the book and just go with the feeling and follow your lead.

You’d be in the lead at first. Probably go down on him first thing.

He’s not small. (I mean did you hear the way he talked to Naruto? He’s probably got something to work with if he’s talking so confidently LMFAO)

So you’d probably have to use your hand for the base while your mouth sucks on about half or so of his cock.

His hand tangles in your hair/rests on top, not pulling, but resting there.

He throws his head back, letting out soft sighs and small moans that escape his lips. He’s not trying to be quiet, but he’s not loud either.

Although, he might have read girls don’t like when guys make noise. Who knows. Then you might have to tell him that’s not true.

At first, sex is just discovering things with him. You’re both exploring how everything feels.

But, after a few times, he starts taking the lead and initiating.

He has a low sex drive though, so he won’t initiate too often.

It’s also hard to get him to realize what you’re asking for if you drop hints. He saw your underwear when you bent over… okay. He might even comment on how you should be more careful since he knows you don’t like to expose yourself so much.

You just deadpan and tell him it was supposed to turn him on.

“Oh.” And now he’s unbuckling his pants and asking you to come sit on his lap. :)

Shikamaru Nara

Low sex drive, usually at least, because now he’s consumed by the desire to be rode by you. Like he dreams about it.

He calls you troublesome to himself when he wakes up hard in the morning occasionally.

He lowkey loves to just lay between your legs or have you sit on his face so he can eat you out (pussy or ass, don’t matter)

Lazy morning sex. He loves it.

He’s dominant, but he can be rather lazy most the time. That being said, he will fuck you how you want him to if you ask.

Degrading but he’s not super mean about it at all. More like soft grunts with degrading terms, but the rest of it comes out more like soft sighs and groans of pleasure and praise.

Choji Akimichi

The sweetest. He takes his time with you every time.

Body worship. More so giving than receiving, but he’ll be a blushing mess if you give back the same energy.

Praise. Lots of it.

He’d be the type to kiss down your body, from your lips to your neck to your chest all the way down til he gets between your legs.

He can’t bring himself to be rough or harsh with you in anyway. No degradation, rough sex, or anything.

Likes to be able to see your face during sex.

He’d like to try food play.

Ino Yamanaka

Pillow princess unless asked to do otherwise.

She loves to be praised and worshipped, but also likes things rougher.

She’s a bit of a brat about things. Constantly going against what you say for fun.

She does it on purpose so you’ll go rougher on her, she likes it.

She also likes when things are slow and romantic though.

And she’d love it if you planned like a candlelit dinner and put a trail of rose petals on like Valentine’s Day, or even just cuz.

Shino Aburame

He’s in charge. He’s on top. Whatever. He doesn’t like to not have control.

He also just wants to please you, and often he’s not too worried about himself.

Might get a little self conscious if you skip over touching him or giving him head more than once. Like if it’s been a few times now and you haven’t bothered… did he do something?

He doesn’t need it, but he just… you know how he is.

He doesn’t make much noise.

But I do believe that right before he cums, he whimpers. He can’t help it, and don’t bring it up afterwards. He’ll be so embarrassed and not want to do it for a while because he’s scared he’ll do it again.

If he gets like that, just tell him you loved it. Then go down on him and tell him you wanna make him do it again.

He’s good with his hands, I just know it.

He can go rough and be stern and demanding, but other than that, he’s rather vanilla.

He’s a big fan of missionary so he can see your face.

And he doesn’t want to do anything unless it’s in your own home or absolute private, like an inn.

Kiba Inuzuka

Hickeys.

He loves giving them.

You will have like 20. From your jaw to your thighs, he’s marked. Plenty of them are visible and hard to hide because they’re dark.

He doesn’t exactly take his time. No, those hickeys are from the entire act. He starts leaving them during foreplay, then when he’s pounding into you, he quiets himself down by latching onto your skin.

When he eats you out, he leaves bite marks and hickeys around your thighs.

He calls it “marking his territory” then has to explain himself because no he doesn’t mean you’re a territory, you’re not a place or an object… he just… you’re his partner!

He’s rough.

Likes doggystyle most, but then he gets upset that he can’t see your face and next time he sets up a mirror.

Quickies. He can’t wait. He’ll whine if you tell him NO he can’t fuck you under the blanket, because YES people will notice the movement.

You might want to settle and pull him into a bathroom and let him fuck you over the counter, but he won’t force or beg you to the point of you giving in or anything. He’ll wait if you really mean no.

He’s got a high sex drive

Very likely to be pretty kinky. He’d be willing to tie you up, spank you, degrade you, etc.

He won’t do pet play. Thinks that shit is weird. So don’t think that because he’s a dog user, he’s gonna act dog like or have you act dog like. In fact, he’s more likely to hate it as a dog user.

I think he’d find any roleplay to be useless though. You could convince him if you wanted, but he’ll complain.

Hinata Hyuga

Much more intimate and gentle sex is what she wants

She’s not a pillow princess. She literally fantasizes about pleasing her partner.

Like probably day dreams, gets lost in her own thoughts, then is a blushing mess when she realizes that somebody is talking to her and she’s imagining what your moans would sound like when she’s between your legs, ESPECIALLY if the person talking to her is you.

She likes to do it in private, but she can’t deny that she imagines doing it where you both currently are. Not that she would.

Secretly has a high sex drive

Long refractory period though. She needs breaks between rounds.

Neji Hyuga

Took him a while to get vulnerable enough to take off his clothes if he’s being honest

Also I think Hyuga’s are very reserved and conservative until marriage, but he has such a tough time following that.

He really wants to jump your bones. And it’s almost like the fact he can’t because of his clan’s reserved and traditional nature just makes it WAYYYY more tempting.

You’re literally irresistible to him

Secretly, he’s just a little bit of a pervert. (Like Rock Lee’s Ninja Pals says he is)

I think he would have wet dreams from sexual frustration. Like the longer he holds back from having you under him, the worse it gets. Like a disease with no treatment.

I think your first time with him would be sudden, and it would be his first time ever.

You’d look WAYYYYY to good, and this time he can’t bring himself to ignore the boner he gets. No he’s gotta see if you’ll indulge him.

He may stop and pull away, get his act together if you remind him of his clan’s pride, and how he was so bent on following it before.

Maybe the first time, but by the next time he tries to give in, there is no try. He is cancelling any plans y’all had and tearing the outfit that made your body look so irresistible off.

He doesn’t have a super high sex drive, but he has such a hard time resisting just laying you down when you look so damn good. You are the reason he’s horny.

He loves when you ride him, and he WILL whimper. He tries not to, but Neji can’t be silent with the way you are squeezing him. The way you do it is so perfect, every bounce is drawing a noise out of him until he’s literally just letting out a stream of loud whimpers as he cums.

I think his cum would actually taste good. Next question.

Rock Lee

Perverted…

He feels bad for it when he catches himself, but Oop it’s too late… he’s got a boner

Boners are obvious in that green spandex…

He wouldn’t agree with doing it in public or semi-public though, but if you noticed his behavior or boner and pulled him off into the bathroom, ignoring his “this is indecent!” Protests because when you look at him before diving in to give him head, his eyes are literally pleading and he shuts up, pushing his hips towards your face.

He can’t be quiet so you’ll have stuff something in his mouth or cover it with your hand.

He secretly wants your chest in his face. He’s a chest guy. Boobs, pecks, whatever. He loves everything chest.

But he also loves ass. Small or big. Wants to grab a handful anyways.

Total switch

Because listen, he loves to pin your hips down and force you to accept the pleasure you’re trying to deny yourself.

Loves to pound his hips against yours until you’re a mess, but he also loves to do as you say.

He loves to be broken down until he’s in pieces by your mouth, body, words, whatever.

He whimpers like constantly, especially when he’s submissive. He tries to shut up when he’s dirty talking as he’s in charge, but he lets GO otherwise.

Tenten

I’m sorry her portion of this will be… lacking. I don’t know enough to say much. I love her, but I’ve never really thought about this at all.

I think she’d be a switch, but prefers to be in charge.

I think she’s depend greatly on you though.

If you don’t want to bottom/sub, that’s good.

Or vise versa.

She likes to take her time when she’s in control.

She’s fairly willing to try new things if you want to.

She enjoys going down on you most of all.

Gaara of the Sand

He’s very private about everything. He believes that his private life and his kazekage life should stay relatively separate. However, it is known that you are his partner. That’s no secret.

He’s not super into PDA, so it’s no surprise that he refuses to do anything risky or public in anyway.

He will not do it in the kazekage’s office. He has too much respect for it, but he also doesn’t want to get caught anyways.

He’s very intimate during. Slow and sensual for sure.

I can see him being into bondage, but like you get tied up, not him. But… depends. And might take some encouragement.

Refuses to hurt or degrade you for any reason. He only does praise. He could not bring himself to call you names or anything. Or to draw blood from you or hit you, etc. he doesn’t see why those things should be brought into the bedroom for “fun.”

He doesn’t think they’re fun.

He knew like nothing about sex before you. I actually think he’d have no idea how to initiate at first so you definitely initiated it.

I think he’d be the type you have to teach what to do a bit, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Then next time, he’s got every spot memorized.

Awkward. Like the first couple times were awkward, but romantic and cute.

Kankuro of the Sand

One word: kinky.

He likes to degrade you with a shit eating grin on his face. His degradation feels like a compliment most of the time though. Like he calls you a slut and it feels like he’s calling you a prince/princess. It’s confusing.

He’s so good at dirty talk. He’ll have you writhing in your spot, desperate for him and he’s not even touched you yet.

He’s got incredible patience when it comes to you. He takes his time breaking you down into a mess for him.

His face paint would 10 billion percent be smeared across your thighs and chest. Your neck is purple from bites AND his face paint to the point you can’t tell which is which.

Only when you wash off the face paint do you realize he left way too many dark hickeys that’ll probably take at least a week to fade away.

Confront him about this and he’ll just laugh.

Don’t tempt him to leave more, because he will.

He forces you to maintain eye contact when he goes down on you. If you look away for more than like 3 seconds, he give you a little tap as a warning, but twice and he stops.

Orgasm denial for sure. He would be the type to make up an excuse as to why he pulled away. He tells you all sorts of excuses. “You weren’t moaning enough.” “You moved your hips too much. Stay still.” And of course, “you looked away.”

He can make you cum hard almost every single time. You see stars.

The most fun part for him isn’t dicking you down, it’s the breaking you apart and putting you back together again.

Temari of the Sand

Dominant. Dommy mommy for sure.

Even when she decides to “sub” or “bottom,” she’s not doing a good job at it. She’s still telling you what to do, where to move, etc.

She’ll pull your hair, slap you, etc. as long as you are okay with it and want her to.

Loves to boss you around, telling you what she wants. Demanding you to please her.

“Get on your knees”

Head pusher for sure, but you two have a like physical que to let each other know when it’s enough.

All that being said, sometimes she really really just wants sweet, slow sex. Intimate nights filled with nothing but love.

She likes to keep all of this private though. No public or risky stuff.

However, she does like to do it beyond just in bed.

Would be the type to start kissing all over your neck, unbuttoning your shirt while you’re trying to cook breakfast.

You might want to turn the stove off.

[genderqueerdykes]

small observations for people who are just starting testosterone HRT

If you suffer from chronic fatigue, chronic illness, or mental illness, you may notice that your energy levels dip down very low after first starting T. this is due your body needing extra energy to process the extra hormones, not anything long lasting. after your body adjusts, this fatigue will go away, and you may actually find that you have way, way more energy now

Beards love to be patchy and mustaches love to be invisible or nonexistent at first. if your beard is patchy at first, or if you just can't grow a full mustache, this is also normal. it can take years of testosterone HRT for beards to become full, especially if you had low T to begin with. moisturizing your beard regularly can help reduce this, and also any potential itchiness from being too long. beards will get itchy for many if they get long.

The acne (should) go away after your body adjusts, and you will not be greasy forever. you will find that your natural body odor smells different, though. this lasts as long as you are on T, as far as i'm aware for most people, but it's only noticeable for me when i get very sweaty after a lot of exertion, or illness.

You may find after you adjust that you have generally a bit more stamina or ease with starting up or adjusting to new physical activities after you've adjusted. it may be easier for you to work out now because you don't become fatigued as easy, for example, or you may find it is easier for you to put on muscle density.

The mood swings will calm down in time- they are most severe right after you start T, and then taper down as your body adjusts. it doesn't turn you into a "rage monster". you just go through normal pubescent moodiness. it's manageable, especially if you have good coping skills like physical activity, journaling, or art while stressed.

Libido goes either way, i've noticed. many people see a huge spike in libido at first, sometimes it stays for a long time, other people don't notice any change whatsoever. also, T for most people will not change what gender or type of person you are attracted to, however it can change how you view yourself in relationships and lead you to changing your identity labels, or questioning things. it generally doesn't make people change their identities overnight, though

Periods do stop for the vast majority of transmascs. it can take a long time, but they do stop if your doseage of T is right for you. if yours haven't stopped and you do not have reproductive health issues, you likely just need a higher dose to see this effect.

Breast tissue reduces in density when higher levels of testosterone are in the body, so it is very likely that you will see your breasts become flatter or even "Deflate" a bit. this is entirely normal. my chest has been like this my entire life due to very high T from hyperandrogenism & intersexuality

Balding can definitely happen, but this is generally only if you have a genetic predisposition to it. i have actually not seen many transmascs bald, although for many of us, our hairlines do shift upwards, but it's not noticeable unless you compare how you look now to older pics of yourself, and generally it takes years for your hairline to migrate anyway, which is natural for AMAB people later in life anyway. even if you do bald, you can speak with your prescriber and have access to medications to help with balding. it's not the end of the road and many respond very well to medication.

[meowzfordayz]

NSFW Alphabet — Tomioka Giyuu

Author’s Note: ~1.5 months after starting this (and ~3 months since it was supposed to be started 🥴), and it’s finally finished !!!!! 🥳 If these were shorter headcanons, then they wouldn’t take so long 😅, but each individual letter is a labor of love (and lust 😏). As w/ all hcs, these are simply my opinions in this exact moment of writing, and are subject to change depending on the context/my mood! 😉

NSFW Alphabet — Tomioka Giyuu

Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~3,500

CW: 18+NSFW, explicit language, Fem!Reader, oral, rimming, spit

MILESTONE 20.0

~faqs~

Aftercare? what they’re like after sex

Giyuu’s very sleepy after sex. If you’ve discussed it beforehand, then he’ll muster up the energy to gently towel wash you, brush your hair (if things got ~intense 😉), and make sure you drink a glass of water, but he’s otherwise hopeless. And by “hopeless”, I mean: he’s passing out with his cock still leaking onto your thighs, warm mouth smooshed into your shoulder, and will moan softly—Hnngg—and proceed to roll over should you attempt to wake him. 😌

Body Part? their favorite body part(s)

Giyuu’s a thigh guy, or GTTG (Giyuu The Thigh Guy) for short. 🦵 Don’t get me wrong! He could totally cum fixating on basically any part of your body 🫢, buuut nestled between your thighs… life couldn’t get much better. 😌 He isn’t huge on marking you (aka: he is, but he typically refrains because one hickey is a sure slide to two, then four, then seven, then- 😇), but biting softly at your thigh, listening to you squeal, halfheartedly attempting to push him away as his fingers wrap around your knees, tongue slipping out to soothe your fresh “wound” — he’s entertained himself with your thighs for literal hours, and not necessarily even sexually. 😆 He’ll often push your legs apart just so he can rest his head on the plush of your thigh, the rest of his body cradled by the curves of your knees and calves.

If you were a vampire, then Giyuu would surely be your first victim, because his neck is just: 😍😋🩸❣️ It’s kissable, nuzzle-able, biteable, and sooo fun to rile him up with a simple swipe of your tongue (bonus points if you suck on his Adam’s apple 🤤). He smells delicious too; a gentle, unassuming fragrance of ripples on a pond (whatever those smell like 🌊) that’s strongest where his neck meets his ears. Step in close and interlock your fingers behind his neck, and he’s certain to wrap his arms around your waist, surroundings fading to a hazy buzz as he murmurs, “I love you.”

Cum?

Giyuu loves cum while he’s still horny (something about the way it glistens and slides down the backs of your thighs, collecting in droplets on your puffy folds, slightly watery and warm as it slowly dampens the mattress beneath you… he’s fixated for sure 😌), but as soon as post nut clarity hits, he’s desperate for a shower (something about its smell and stickiness, clinging to your skin—and his—reminding him of how amazing you felt… and of how messy things got… if you’re taking too long to collect yourself, then he’s scooping you up and carrying you to the bathroom for sure 🫠).

Dirty Talk?

He loves dirty talk, but has to pass a certain threshold (of horniness) to really ~get into it. 😅 Before that threshold, a simple So pretty baby while straddling his hips, your fingertips stroking his softly toned abs, will guarantee you a blushing, flustered Tomioka Giyuu, his own grip tightening around your waist. And after that threshold? 👀 Best believe you’ll be the flustered one, low whimpers pushed out of your chest as a cool hand rests gentle around your throat, steadying your body while his cock fucks needy and forceful into your warm, clenching hole.

Experience? their level of experience

Before meeting you, Giyuu isn’t a virgin, but he’s also far from experienced. He knows how to have sex, knows how to make someone else cum, but he doesn’t know how to enjoy himself. He’s always been physically sensitive—always quick to orgasm with enough wetness and friction—but physical pleasure without its emotional counterpart only does so much. And then he falls in love with you. 🥺💙 He falls in love with how delicately you kiss the tops of his shoulder, across his collarbones, tongue swirling in the hollow of his throat. Falls in love with how easily you raise goosebumps on his forearms, his thighs, your fingertips grazing lightly—teasingly—along the seams of his clothing, toying with the buttons on his shirt, the zipper on his pants, not willing to undress him unless he begs. In love with how begging means catching your wrists and holding them above your head, brought to neediness by your tender ministrations, safe enough to seek his own desires in the heat of your breathlessness. “I want to cum,” he whispers gruffly, your pulse warm in his palms, “So help me.”

Foreplay?

Giyuu thoroughly enjoys foreplay, to the extent that he has trouble lasting through it. 😅 He actually fares better when you go down on him, because he can guide your movements and pace. His large hands—normally cool to the touch and tender in their intentions—firmly cup your nape, sweaty and needy as your hair tangles soft between his fingers. When you choke on the sensation of his cock nudging against the back of your throat, he can only whimper and groan, hips chasing the quiver and wetness of your breath, grip ensuring you remain planted between his thighs. And when he’s close to cumming? He’s strong enough to gently tug you away from him, your lips shiny and insatiable, a low whine kissing his skin as you pout. But when he goes down on you? That same attention dissipates. Lost in the heat and clench of your thighs, the ache in his scalp as you cling to his hair, the incoherent babble of pleasure spilling from your mouth while you tremble and arch before him… is it really his fault for cumming with you? 🙃 After all, you didn’t stop him from thrusting his hips into the mattress, the edge of the couch, his own fist, as he flicked his tongue over your clit. You didn’t stop him as he whispered about how Beautiful, Stunning, Divine, Fuck… I think I’m gonna cum… you were, your moans rising in pitch as you met his dazed expression, his eyes dark and determined, the tip of his nose glistening with your essence. You didn’t stop him as his body shuddered before you, his cum splurting sticky and pearlescent, the taste of your orgasm gushing tart and warm onto his tongue.

Goofy? their sense of humor

In the beginning, Giyuu’s uber serious… mostly because he’s worried about dying of embarrassment should he fumble while trying to get/keep you in the mood. 🫠 That’s not to say he’s incapable of smiling! He doesn’t want you to think he’s having a terrible time either. 🥴 But gosh forbid he accidentally fart, or nudge himself against the wrong hole, or elbow you in the face, or- 😭 Eventually, however, he slips into a deeper comfort and trust with you, which inevitably leads to him smooshing your hair, chuckling when you queef, and taking a breather when you become literally tangled in the sheets (you can’t stop laughing, and he somehow finds himself grinning adoringly at you vs running out the door in mortification). 🥺

Hair? pubes maintenance

Giyuu keeps himself well groomed due more to habit and personal comfort, but hey — you benefit too! Plus, you know you’ve reached peak closeness when you’re showering together and you randomly ask, “My love, could I trim your pubes tonight?” and instead of shoving you out of the shower, curtain rod and all, he just blushes a deep red and mutters, “Yeah, okay.” 😶

Intimacy? their degree of intimacy

Intimacy and Giyuu are a complicated duo. 😅 On one hand, Giyuu definitely isn’t casual; casual and physical closeness, casual and feelings, casual and sex, are not how he prefers to pair such concepts. But intimacy is difficult for him too, because intimacy means trusting, and trusting means revealing his nakedness — not just undressing his lover. While you know from the get go that you aren’t just a one night stand, friends with benefits, or connected in some other vaguely defined manner, you also initially aren’t entirely sure exactly how deeply rooted his intentions and desires are. After all, he’s shy about meeting your gaze, keeps the lights dim, and hardly moans or closes his eyes… until you finally, finally ask him about it. “Giyuu, what am I to you?” 🥺 “I don’t understand.” 🙃 “I… well, I feel like when we have sex, you make love to me, but I somehow can’t make love to you.” He doesn’t properly answer you, seconds from dreamland after tiredly wiping his cum off your thighs 😴, but he was listening, and the next time he finds himself sliding slowly into you, he cracks a smile—rather than glance away—when you catch him in his contented daze. 💓

Jack Off? masturbation

Giyuu goes through phases of jerking off every day of the week to not touching himself for upwards of a month. There’s no pattern to the duration or frequency of each phase, and he doesn’t really consciously think about it either. Sometimes he’s horny, and other times he’s just not. That being said, solo masturbation and sexual acts with others (others being you) are separate entities to him. Whether he just came that same morning, or hasn’t cum alone in a couple of weeks, he’s always more than willing to feel your pretty cunt (or throat, or hands, because he’s not about to be picky) flutter and squeeze around his cock.

Kink? ~specific turn ons

Lace. 😍 Giyuu knows lace is often rough and uncomfortable 🥲, but there’s just something divine about seeing your breasts in lace and satin; about running calloused palms up your scantily clad thighs (if you ever want to buy a(nother) garter, then Giyuu will always hand you his credit card — no questions asked 😌), snapping your frilly waistband against your plush, warm hips; lapping at the delicate material covering your nipples till they’re perky and damp, gushing about You’re absolutely stunning and Can’t decide if I’d rather fuck you with these beautiful panties on or off. Sometimes, he’ll literally stop and stare (or make you ~model for him 😵‍💫), breath caught in his chest at how perfectly the floral embroidery matches your eyes; at how ethereal and whimsical you appear, the facade of angelic elegance dissipating as you perch on all fours before him, teasing fingers tugging at the sorry excuse of a string between your cheeks. “The longer you wait, the more likely I am to ruin these panties,” you purr, craning your neck to stare over your shoulder at his awestruck expression, “You wouldn’t want that, hm? Wouldn’t want me to have to buy a new set of lace for you?” Spoiler alert: of course he wants you to buy another set of lace for him 😖, but he quite likes your current set too 🥴, so he’s quick to lean over you, mouth messy and hot as he kisses you thoroughly, clever hand slipping underneath you to cup and knead your tit while his other maintains his balance on the mattress.

Location? where they prefer to have sex

Call him basic, but Giyuu likes having sex in bed. 🤗 It’s comfortable, safe, and a sturdy headboard (+ a couple of velcro straps and/or handcuffs) can make it not-so-vanilla too. He’s the reason you have so many pillows, because while he’s okay with taking one for the team and sleeping in any cum spots 🫡, he refuses to sleep on a stained pillow (understandable 😝). As a man who gets extra sleepy after sex, changing sheets/pillowcases usually isn’t in the cards for him, so he’d rather just have plenty of pillows and swap them out when necessary.

Motivation? ~general turn ons

Being nice to him. Giyuu’s got a bit of a praise kink, albeit less so that he’ll get go from zero to erection emergency zone if you compliment him 😆, and more so that he remembers your kindness and attentiveness throughout the day, and returns your care and affection tenfold at night 😉. He also appreciates clean and tidy nails, genuine smiles (although your fake laughter—when not targeted at him—does make him chuckle 🫢), and when you playfully tug his hair to redirect his focus. “Oi, babe, I said left,” you huff amusedly, pointing across the street. He nods slowly, smirking faintly as he promptly continues heading in the wrong direction (if only to get you to tug on his hair again 😌). 

No? turn offs

Giyuu’s pretty flexible. 😌 He can be kinky (after reading a dozen or so ~articles about how exactly to go about exploring X kink), he can be vanilla, but he isn’t into cheating/cuckolding. 😓 Not even for a roleplay scenario. He could be (pretty easily) discussed into having a threesome, or simply a voyeuristic counterpart 👀, but No. Cheating. He trusts that you love him, and he knows he loves you, but it just feels a lil too real to even think about, let alone play out. 😕

Oral? giver or receiver

Giyuu tends to be the receiver, because he has a 50/50 chance of lasting through foreplay whenever he’s the giver. 😶 That being said, he doesn’t exactly have a ~preference, and definitely doesn’t perceive giving oral sex to be a chore, annoying, or tiresome — he just doesn’t want to disappoint you by cumming too soon should you still desire penetrative sex after oral sex. 

Position? their favorite position(s)

Doggystyle, because Giyuu can’t get enough of hearing his thighs slap against yours. 🫢 From cupping the tops of your thighs and pulling your body toward him to both steady himself and fuck deeper into your cunt, to gripping the inside of your thighs to spread your legs farther apart while spitting lazily on your back Fuck, so fucking filthy for me, to listening to how sweaty and eager you are as your skin clings and claps to his, doggystyle is easily his favorite. A close second, when either of you are feeling too lazy for doggystyle, would be missionary, because once again, Giyuu can use your thighs to pull you closer and spread you wider (and his spit + your boobs = ✨shiny boobs✨). 

Quickie? a fan or not-a-fan

Giyuu isn’t a huge fan of quickies (not enough time to devour you whole), but your first few times together were quick nonetheless. 😏💀 After he’s gotten over his initial awe (let’s be honest tho — he never really gets over it 😍), he’s better about not ~accidentally making everything a quickie 😝, but you lowkey still have him wrapped around your finger. 😇 In other words, Giyuu doesn’t like ‘em, but you have the power to create them whenever you so desire. 😎😂

Risk? their risk tolerance

Low risk tolerance. 🙃 In theory, Giyuu isn’t against sexual risk taking (i.e. semi public sex), but in practice, he gets too flustered-embarrassed-mortified-at-the-thought-of-being-caught 🫣 to actually follow through. If you casually mention how hot it would be If you pressed me up against this wall and slipped your hand under my skirt to feel how wet I am, then he’ll do the press-you-up-against-the-wall part 😏, but will shakily vice grip the hem of your skirt, unable to continue (he wants to 😭, but just can’t 🥴). 

Stamina?

In terms of how long Giyuu can fuck you in a single position before his muscles give out? He has practically unlimited stamina. 😎 His lanky, lithe physique isn’t purely for show y’know! 😉 It’s for holding you up against a wall, cock thrusting upward into your dripping cunt as your nails dig crescent moons into his shoulders, his face buried in your neck as he focuses intently on the slick, lewd sound of his balls tapping your pretty asshole. And for holding you up above him while you straddle his hips, your legs cramping from exhaustion—Aw darling, can’t ride me any longer?—adoration in his eyes as he begins fucking roughly into your pussy, delirious on how willingly you allow him to pleasure your body. However, in terms of how long Giyuu can fuck you before he cums? … … … he’s working on it. 🫠 That being said, he makes up for premature orgasms with potential quantity! 😏 If you’re feeling especially horny, then he can usually manage an orgasm morning, noon, and night 🥰 — just don’t expect much out of him the following day. 😵‍💫😂

Toys?

Giyuu might be a lil jealous of them. 🤪 Not actually, he’s not that insecure of himself and your relationship… but you could totally rile him up by starting without him, winking exaggeratedly with your favorite vibrator grazing your clit as he walks into the bedroom, giggling when he promptly plops onto the bed beside you, still fully clothed, hand nudging you and your toy out of his way as he grumbles halfheartedly, “So I guess I didn’t need to hurry up the stairs after all, you’ve got everything taken care of.” 😔 Your failsafe solution? Gently grasp his noticeable bulge, and declare, “Clearly not everything, seeing as I’ve yet to solve this problem.” 😌😉😏😎 Will he cringe at your cheesiness? Yes. 🥴 Will he also frantically begin unzipping and kicking off his pants? Also yes. 😳

Unfair? how they feel about teasing/being teased

Tease at your own discretion, because Giyuu can not handle it. 😃 He enjoys it! But his imagination does wonders at filling in the blanks you’re leaving, and if you’re not careful, then he might just spill over before you’re ready! 😅 Teasing you goes pretty much the same, because as much as he tries to convince himself that you’re the one he’s edging, truly, he’s edging both of you, and he’s too in love with you to not succumb to his own delicate, torturous charm. 🙃💞

Volume?

Quiet and breathy, or desperate and babbling, with no in between. Push him far enough, and he’ll murmur filth nonstop (most of it incoherent 😅) until he’s shaking and cumming, or bask in the soft glow of his occasional grunts and low hisses. Sex in the morning is usually near silent, but sex in the evening frequently brings out the singular, guttural groan that always accompanies his hardest orgasms. 

Wild Card?

On rare occasions, Giyuu rims you. The stuttered, needy whine, and the feeling of your pussy tightening around his cock, whenever he brushes the pad of his thumb over your asshole do not go unnoticed by him, so he can only imagine how sensitive and gorgeous you would feel and sound if the tip of his tongue replaced his wandering hands — and he’s proven ~right when he rims you for the first time, and you practically wail at the hot wetness of his mouth. So good for me, letting me eat your pretty ass he rasps, spit bridging from his chin to your ass cheeks, your thighs quivering in his grip, drooling onto your pillow as you rock your hips backward toward his slick, skillful tongue What a fucking treat, getting to taste you here.

X-ray?

Giyuu’s cock is pretty. 7” erect, somewhat slim, with a fat and squishy tip that beads precum like it’s modeling for an advertisement. Its length always catches you off guard because it doesn’t look especially big (think cute twink vs beefy jock), but as he slowly pushes himself in a couple inches, pulls out till his tip catches at your entrance, and then slowly pushes himself in a couple inches farther than before, you can’t help but gasp. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, voice low and thick in his throat, eyes gleaming as he watches himself disappear into your luscious cunt, your body presented to him so stunning on your chest and knees. “Fuck,” is your graceful response, face buried in the mattress, back arching forward with every shallow thrust, “So deep.” He’d chuckle at your cliche whimper if he wasn’t so focused on not cumming, his hands cupping your hips in an attempt to handle you tenderly, the desperate clinging of your walls sucking away his self control as he slips farther, farther, deeper into your heat.

Yearning? sex drive

Horny, and by horny, I mean 24/7. Giyuu’s so used to it though (the perpetual state of being borderline turned on), that it doesn’t exactly feel like horny. He could fuck whenever (albeit, not necessarily wherever), but doesn’t need to (he’s a grown man y’know, he has ~some control 😉). This is a problem at first, because he refrains from initiating (afraid of scaring you away with his sex drive 😬)—to the point where you worry that you’re pressuring him into being physically intimate—but as soon as you communicate your concern, he’s quick (and embarrassed 😶) to assure you that I’m horny all the time. Do you want me to fuck you all the time? 😐 You might jokingly say Duh!, but his sentiment registers nonetheless. ☺️

Zzz?

🎵out like a light🎶 Morning sex? Giyuu’s taking a five minute power nap. 😴 Afternoon sex? Giyuu’s taking a thirty minute cat nap. 😴 Evening sex? Giyuu’s going to sleep. 😴 He does his best to check in with you vs straight up knocking out, but unless something urgent arises (i.e. intense feelings, physical pains, etc), he’s not someone to rely on after he cums. Of course, he can ~technically orgasm and then continue his day without conking out, but his resulting moodiness/distractedness takes a while to wear off whenever that happens.

[hillbillyoracle]

For those with home related New Years Resolutions:

I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.

If you’re not functioning...

If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...

KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters

TikTok

Book

Podcast

Website

I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times. 

I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes. 

That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though. 

Her book is a little better on the whole. 

If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...

If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...

Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean

YouTube

Website

Podcast

Books

I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category. 

Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April. 

Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck. 

If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...

If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...

Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug

YouTube

Books

Website

Podcast

Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each. 

Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about. 

Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern

TikTok

YouTube

Website

Book

Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough. 

Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it’s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep. 

So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have. 

If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...

If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...

FlyLady System

Website

The Secret Slob - YouTube

Diane in Denmark - YouTube

There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able. 

FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites. 

Maintenance Lists

This Old House

There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on. 

Bonus: Paper Clutter

My System

Link

This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too. 

Sunday Basket

YouTube Video

The Minimal Mom’s Video

She’s in Her Apron Video

Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video. 

Bonus: Digital Clutter

PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte

YouTube Channel

Website

Book

Essential Video

The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find. 

Hope this helps someone out there! 

[chronicallycouchbound]

A Guide for Coming into Disability

Note: While this is meant to serve as a guide for people who are becoming physically disabled and people newly recognizing their existing experiences of disability (including chronic illness), I feel that this guide is helpful for anyone, disabled or abled. No guide is one size fits all, but I hope this can help supplement other resources that exist.

Recognizing Disability

The first aspect of coming into disability is conceptualizing what disability means for you. Some initial questions to consider are:

What is disability?

What does it mean to be disabled?

How do you identify disability in yourself or others?

Only you can define what these mean for yourself, but many definitions and models of disability exist.

Loss & Grief

As you begin to transition into a disabled body, the first sign of that change is often the experience of loss. Loss of ability, access to the world, hobbies, community, loved ones, and your sense of self are just some of the types of loss you might be experiencing. Additionally, when being a part of any marginalized community, you are now not only beginning to experience the trauma of discrimination that you’re personally facing but you are also exposed to a communal trauma of systemic marginalization.

Due to the ableist society we live in, every single person is internalizing ableism. Everything we see on the news, in movies, in classrooms, etc. is absorbed subconsciously to create a personalized narrative of the disabled experience. Weather or not that ableism is externalized doesn’t matter, because if you’re not actively dismantling internalized ableism and practing anti-ableism, then that ableism will hit you much harder when you transition into disability. The work to navigate this is constant, evolving and will change with time.

All of this is very heavy. Always unpacking, always processing, always grieving. But it does get easier to navigate, especially with the proper supports. To cope with this, I highly recommend seeking out appropriate support groups (many are online, Facebook, Discord, The Mighty are some great places to look) and considering grief counseling. Through this, remember to be gentle with yourself, cut off people if you need to, set boundaries, and do what you need to to support yourself and keep yourself safe.

Spoon Theory in Practice

A large portion of my disabled experience is simply just learning. Learning about my body, treatments, my limitations, and what I can still do. This dynamic learning often requires more language to explain complex concepts. This brings us to the spoon theory. If you don’t yet know about spoon theory, here’s the original essay by Christine Miserandino.

Spoon theory works to help explain the energy limitations of chronic illness and has been widely adopted by the greater disabled community. Essentially, it is a metaphor that uses spoons as a metric to showcase energy levels in a tangible form. Over time your spoons will change, different activities might require more or less spoons, and recharging your spoons may also evolve. This is why it’s important to use the concept of spoon theory to help you set boundaries with yourself and others.

For yourself, being able to identify your spoon levels and use them appropriately to ration energy can help you avoid falling into pitfalls like the “Boom-Bust Cycle” and better pace yourself. I put this into practice by creating lists rating activities by spoon levels. I have a master list of meals I can eat, categorized by how many spoons it usually takes to make the meal. This way, I can plan out in advance on low spoon days, like when I have PT, and know I won’t have the energy to cook a meal that takes three spoons to make, I can meal plan for the week and buy what I need for a one spoon meal that day. This can also be applied to things like chores and hobbies. I sort my to-do list by priority, and then by how many spoons it will take to do the activity. Knowing your spoon levels can assist in setting boundaries with others as well. I always have a standing appointment on Tuesdays, so I never make plans that day. I always ask for help with certain chores because even if I physically can get them done, I won’t have spoons for the rest of the day or even the week.

Accepting Disability

In order to cope with the loss of certain activities, finding accessible alternatives can go a long way. You might be able to find an adaptive way to still participate in a hobby, like adaptive basketball. There are also so many options for hobbies in the world, and you might be surprised by what works for you now! This is a good time to start to focus on what you can do, with adaptations, vs what you used to be able to/now can’t do.

Mobility aids are a beautiful tool. My advice is if you think that an aid might help you, you should at least try it! If it ends up not helping, or you don’t need it, you can always donate it. I also like to say (and my physical therapist likes to remind me) Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

And, of course, ask for help before your body demands it.

Disabled Liberation & Disabled Joy

If you have the spoons and time, you should prioritize learning about our history as a community (Crip Camp on Netflix is a great place to start) Additionally, you can learn about disability theory, models of disability, ugly laws, cripple punk movement, and our rights.

Disabled Joy is a concept that considers our joy to be a revolutionary act in and of itself. I use ‘joy’ here, rather than happiness, because while similar, happiness is based in the root word ‘hap’ meaning chance (as in mishap and happenstance), meaning that the experience itself is based in luck and external factors, and focus instead on the sensation associated with it– regardless of your situation, which is joy. Disabled joy looks like my partner sprinting while pushing me down the sidewalk with the wind in my face. It looks like a perfect day in Sims 4. It comes with safe foods and the healing power of accessible plauygrounds. You find it where it comes, and I hope you can find it in yourself.

Finding Community

The best part of the disabled experience, for me, is our thriving community. When it comes to community building, I always suggest online options first because they’re available 24/7 for most people, and you can reach community from your home. I’ve already mentioned online support groups, but also, online content creators are a great way to find community. If your social media following list is primarily able-bodied creators, especially ones who focus on activities that aren’t accessible to you, it can be really damaging to your mental health. This can help you to find friends who get what you're going through.

Self-advocacy and systemic advocacy resources from our peers and organizations can give you the tools and feel empowered to create change. Seeking resources by and for our community can be lifesaving. You’re reading one right now.

Welcome to the community.

♿️❤️ (wheelchair emoji, heart emoji)

[zolanort]

A hypothesis regarding the discolored monster blood in LU

We will be working with the assumption that blood in Hyrule has the same general functions that it does on earth. Our heroes are shown to bleed red and seem to expect blood in general to be not-dark at the very least. Based on earth, red/hemoglobin is the most popular option, though green/chlorocruorin and blue/hemocyanin do seem to be on the table based on my N64 save files.

Bad guys like to have their bases in cool places like volcanos. If Dink is set up near a volcano (+10 points for aesthetic) he and his minions could be suffering from Sulfhemoglobinemia. Sulphur can bind to hemoglobin, causing the affected blood to appear darker in color. If this were the case, however, we would expect the dark blooded monsters to be weaker because their blood would be less efficient at carrying oxygen, and therefore this option is unlikely as the black blooded monsters are shown to be stronger than regular monsters. Also the blood wouldn’t be black exactly, but a darker blue-green, so this probably isn’t the culprit.

Having low oxygen levels in general would cause blood to appear darker (darker red, not blue), but just like above, this would leave the monsters weaker rather than stronger, and therefore this option is highly unlikely.

The dark blooded monsters are referred to as being “infected” and Wind even asks if they’re sick.

Our sailor is a smart pirate lad; infections can and do cause blood discolorations, but this is usually due to the presence of something extra in the mix (which is basically always bad/not going to give you a power boost) and/or the usual problem where the red blood cells are rendered less efficient at their oxygen carrying duties, causing a darker red color. Therefore, a straight forward infection involving a biological agent (bacteria etc.) is not likely.

Blood will oxidize when it is old, which could make it appear dark/black in coloration. This doesn’t really support being extra strong or even alive, but this is the option I think is most likely. Why?

Because magic. This isn’t news, we all knew it was magic already. The Bad Guys are being fueled by an evil dark magical infection of some kind. But why black blood and a power boost specifically?

Assuming that magic is a form of energy, I propose that their cellular respiration may have been magically converted to use the evil dark magic instead of ATP. Why? With a (seemingly?) infinite supply of anger and spite fueled dark energy rather than a limited amount of ATP, and also assuming that dark energy wouldn’t impact the electron transport chain like ATP and the associated energy exchange byproducts would, the muscles of an infected monster would never get tired. This addresses our key issue of explaining the power boost symptom.

While any of the other coloration causes above could work along with this idea, due to the citric acid cycle being eliminated from the picture (and the need for breathing/oxygen along with it), the red blood cells are probably just chilling in the evil darkness infused veins of the baddies, aging and then not really doing anything else until the blood is lost via fighting the heroes. This would explain both the dark coloration and why this symptom is directly tied to the evil dark magic and the associated power boost.

Anyway they probably just have discolored blood for evil dark magic aesthetic purposes, which is also cool, but it was fun to try to create an explanation.

[actuallyadhd]

Hello, I know you haven't posted in a while so I understand if you don't reply to this, but I could definitely use some advice.

I haven't gotten round to getting tested for ADHD, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I really struggle to sit still, I often blurt things out and interrupt people, I can't seem to remember basically anything, I get way too emotional over small things, and more.

The thing is, these symptoms seem to be getting progressively worse. I will hear something and then completely forget what I heard minutes after, forget what I'm talking about mid conversation, haven't gone to sleep on time because I've been pacing in my room and throwing a bouncy ball and eventually scrolling on my phone in bed because I can't get to sleep, I'm late a lot more than usual (I have to go out tomorrow and I'm hoping I'll get up on time, alarms don't work).

But the biggest thing is this: I keep stopping and starting things. I have loads of sideblogs I haven't posted on for days because I started them with huge passion and then either got bored or forgot about them (or both.) I've been thinking about starting a new ask blog, but at the same time I know I won't come back to it.

Do you have any advice for how to manage this?

Sent August 1, 2024

It sounds like things are cascading, which can be super overwhelming.

I always start with what I call The Big Four: diet, exercise, sleep, and stress. If any one of these is out of whack, everything gets harder. This is true for non-ADHDers as well, but for us it’s more important because of how our brains work.

So, first, think about how you’ve been eating lately. Are you getting enough protein? Brains run on glucose, so carbs are also necessary, but aiming for whole grains and the like is better for long-term functioning. Are you eating *enough*? As in, do you forget to eat meals? Do you snack a lot, and if you do, are you going for quick sugar hits?

Next up is exercise. Regular movement is important. Taking active breaks when you get distracted can help to reset your brain so you can focus again when you come back. Exercise also adds endorphins, which boost your mood and can help increase energy and focus for longer. These effects build up over time, so you won’t see results right away, but if you can make it happen there will be benefits!

As for sleep, you’ve noted that you’re struggling to fall asleep. That’s a really common thing for ADHDers, and we have loads of suggestions here to help. Some of the best ideas I’ve seen include listening to podcasts or watching ASMR videos, white noise machines or a fan, reading a book (not an e-book unless your e-reader doesn’t use blue light), or doing some kind of a puzzle book in bed.

Stress can be really hard to manage, especially if anything else is off since that adds to your stress. The best way to handle this is to have a set time each day where you do something fun and relaxing.

You may find that this doesn’t quite hit the spot. So I have a couple more things to look into.

First, it’s pretty normal for us to run into problems when our responsibilities increase. More responsibility means more load on our executive functions, so things start falling apart a bit as we struggle to find a way to make everything happen. Change is hard!

Second, our age and hormones can have an impact on things. If you menstruate, estrogen levels have a huge impact on functioning. It is a very important part of the brain’s glucose delivery system, so when estrogen is low so is glucose. (There are other ways glucose gets to the brain, estrogen is just the most efficient.)

As for age, when you hit certain ages (early childhood and puberty are best known) your brain makes a ton of new connections, and that can make a lot of things harder that weren’t before. This is because your brain is dedicating itself to other things, and often those “lost” skills return once it’s done with the stage.

So think about all of these things and consider whether one or more might be affecting you. Once you know what’s going on, it will be easier to figure out how to deal with it.

Followers, do you have any ideas for managing these issues? Please share!

-J

[earthnashes]

Fitness update time baybeeeeeeeee! I once again had to gather the balls to post the photos here so uh. Ye. :D

Like the last one, more details will be under the cut, but for the TL;DR crowd:

Last Update Here

Current: 177lbs | Estimated BMI: 24-26% | Push Pull Legs split at 6 Days a week

Notes: Training stimulus for this block focused on lifting basics and intensity: establishing a stronger mind-muscle connection and knowing how training to true mechanical failure feels like. Additional challenge: Finding maintenance calories and maintaining weight in the general range of 175-180lbs before re-attempting 1st Lean Bulk attempt.

Results: All lifts have seen an increase in working weight. Noticeably more muscle definition overall over the course of the last two months. Weight largely remained the same; assume maintenance calories has been accurately found.

Sooooooo the last two months have been kinda crazy. I took a look at my past lifting logbooks and found that despite my PRs being higher than the last recorded attempt, my overall working weights for all of my lifts hadn't really moved much. Partially out of fear of injury, but mostly due to the noticeable lack of real intensity in the training.

On top of that I found that my weight wasn't going down or up at the calories I was eating at, but my energy had begun to drop and recovery was suffering. Originally I was meant to be in my first bulk, but my weight never moved, and that ultimately resulted in me switching strategies for my nutrition too.

Basic idea: dial up the intensity, RPE of 8-9.5. Find true maintenance calories.

For nutrition: I used the TDEE calculator for my calories this time. It's supposedly more accurate than most other calorie calculators including MyFitnessPal's calculator, which gave me 2200 calories as my "bulk". Welp, turns out that's wrong; 2200 is my cutting number with my current activity level. And given how long I've been in a cut, it explained why, even in the deficit still, my weight never moved: it's too low to gain weight, and with how long I been in a deficit up until then my body was adapted too much to continue losing fat. So I instead switched focus onto finding my actual maintenance calories by immediately bumping my calories to the number the TDEE calculator gave me (2600 cal) and adjusting based on how my weight trend.

Result is, over the course of 2 months I gained 2 pounds but I'm certain this is almost entirely muscle (based on look, measurements, and performance in the gym); I've otherwise hadn't changed weight wise. This is good to know; it means I can eat more than I initially thought and gives me a stronger baseline for when I do actually go into a real bulk.

For training: First thing I focused on was my legs, which was arguably my weak link. This is largely due to an old injury in my left knee made it hard to reach full range of motion, and the strength discrepancy between my left and right leg because of it was pretty noticeable. Correcting it is one of the reasons why I switched to PPL training split, with Legs being trained first every cycle.

For both my legs and my isolation exercises I utilized unilateral versions of all my exercises; working each limb separately instead of together. I also incorporated a different set program: 2 working sets of 6-10 reps, 1-2 sets taken to true mechanical failure. The failure sets were meant for me to get used to the very uncomfortable sensation of training the muscle to- and past - it's actual limit and not my mental limit while maintaining proper form technique. That shit is rough, but it ensured that I was training with actual intensity and I was taking the muscle to true failure for growth, which in turn would help with building better muscle-mind connection with each muscle bilaterally and unilaterally.

For compounds I didn't take any of the lifts to true failure due to the higher fatigue and recovery toll. Instead I focused on building strength skill, so the set program was: 1 Topset (heaviest set of the exercise) 1-3 reps, 2 working sets for 5-8 reps. Any hypertrophy work for these lifts were always done with machine accessories for stability and safety.

Results thus far has seen my overall strength increasing, my knee is much stronger and stable (tested my squats and I can safely squat my own bodyweight without pain or wobbling, which is a feat due to being unable to do that months ago), and I confidently can say I have better form and idea of intensity.

-------

SO! With all of that said I'd say this block was overall a success after much trial and error. Now that I've gotten a better idea of a few things, my next move right now is to take a deload week for some much needed rest, then structure my next block for a more strength focus alongside my 2nd attempt at an actual lean bulk. The goal is to gain at least 4-5 pounds of muscle by the beginning of next year and make a new maxout for my PRs, so I might look a lil soft the next time I do a progress report but hopefully I'll be much stronger and ready for my second cutting phase.

This shit is hard, but I'm loving it to death man. I'm having a lot of fun learning and going through the journey and now I can confidently say that I'm at the Intermediate stage of lifting! I also think I know the type of weightlifter I am now. I've heard the term "powerbuilding" a few times now and I feel it fits; primarily lifting to build strength, but also throwing in some bodybuilding rhetoric for aesthetics.

Like I said a while back I'm seriously considering recording my workouts and posting those as I go on my Instagram, and I've actually bought a lil phone stand to practice recording and being more comfortable in front of the camera. We'll see how that goes I suppose!

But uhhhhh YE! That's all my yapping for now. Thank you for listening, and if you have any fitness goals feel free to share them with me! :)

[cloutchaserkineme]

bluebeard's racing partners

a.k.a.– the astrology of Max Verstappen's number two drivers.

Daniil Kyvat (3rd from left) never became Max's racing partner as it was his seat that was offered to Max after one year as a 17 y.o. dynamo on the track. However, since Max is also currently dating his baby mama, and has been dropping hints about retiring soon to focus on family, Daniil therefore faces constant, low-level emotional terrorism from this guy. That makes him an honorary wife in my books. Final girl energy, in its own way.

10:12 p.m. Nov. 3 2024 after the Interlagos driver's parade but before the race itself

A good teammate is a bit like a wife, I suppose. You are two people who share a house (equal machinery) and you work together as a unit until the end. But when you are driving alongside one of the best athletes in the sport of the moment, it is easy to feel neglected in your own house, to the point where you start looking for clues and try to break free. Max, for all he is a great driver, is not the best at team orders, and Red Bull would never give him team orders now, especially since he kicked up a fuss from the start, expressing his desire to go solo. Max is Bluebeard in that he kills the dreams of any of his partners who even dare attempt to sniff out his secret to being a world champion.

This post was inspired by two particular rookies whose fates are question-marked for next season. Namely, Liam Lawson- who confidently answered that he can handle* being given the other seat at Red Bull after this year- and Franco Colapinto, whose name is being passed around the paddock like a hot potato and is rumored to be poached by Christian Horner, the original dreamkiller and one of the many stirrers of the hot mess that is Red Bull Racing management.

These racers (aside from Pierre Gasly) do not have confirmed birth times, but Max's is good enough. So we'll see how their charts affected him, and what their planets/presence trigger in his chart.

This is also a quick and dirty read because I literally just started watching F1 a few weeks ago and I don't know how these people interacted with each other on their races or PR videos. But anyway.

Versainz / 3355 (2015-2016) 🏷️ An Arranged Marriage

Toro Rosso kiddos. Carlos was a good first teammate for Max, because Max based his racing style according to his. Sainz's Sun-Saturn opposition fell in his 10H-4H axis of foundation and career (and 10H being the house where Max's champion-status indicators are located.)

While he has 12H and 8H synastry with Max due to his Water placements, Carlos doesn't seem like he is at that interested at partner-building with Max as Max was with him, which would indicate that he was focused on a solo career. Add to that, RBR as a company is a very unstable Fire-Earth dominant chart, or a very Martial one depending on which is the inception for the current team. Carlos as a dependable, intuitive person would have made for a good friend for Max outside of the racing track, but not in it- RBR likes fire and chaos. Carlos is too much like Alain Prost** in that regard to ever shape up.

Carlos' Virgo Sun is on his Node, and they have Sun-Moon synastry with Max as the Moon person. All "breaking open" synastry, like how light gets in through a crack in the roof. It must have been fun to be teammates with Carlos if Max were not 17 and WDC-less at the time. Carlos would have liked chatting with Max too, if the talk wasn't limited to racing and race cars.

Max was partnered with Carlos when Saturn was transiting his 1H in Sagittarius- indicating a period of time when he was called to shape up and restrict himself, building a solid foundation (Saturn) to his racing (Mars in Sagittarius 1H).

(From left to right) Carlos Sainz, Jr., Carlos Sainz, Jos Verstappen, and Max Verstappen. Both Carlos and Max have natal Sun-Saturn oppositions, which is a common natal aspect found in legacy*** racers who had a father or a father figure who also raced, as both Sun and Saturn (and their conditions) represent the father in traditional astrology. However, Max's Sun-Saturn has less dignity than Carlos, and Carlos' Sun-Saturn makes direct aspects with his own father's Mars (racing), while Max's doesn't. I don't think Max looked to him as a parallel the way he does Charles, but perhaps he noted the difference between how Sainz Sr. and Verstappen Sr. raised and raced their boys.

Maxiel / 333 (2016-2018) 🐥 The Canary in the Coal Mine

Daniel Ricciardo. My baby, my baby. He is the only one of Max's partners that had Gemini placements sitting in Max's 7H of partners, marriage, contracts, open enemies, best friends, enemy- the person in front of him. No wonder that the PR stuff they did together has Max giggling like a kid freely and without weight- that's the closest thing he has to a big brother/bestie figure on the grid, even though Danny saw him as an enemy too highkey (Max's Mars in the derivative 7H of his Moon, Mercury, and Jupiter).

Again, he also has a Sun-Saturn opposition at the same orb as Max's previous teammate, but here it is even more dignified than Carlos'- Saturn is in its home sign of Capricorn, and his Sun's final dispositor is Mercury at home in Gemini, again, in Max's 7H of partners****.

I'm pretty sure Danny's the only one who won several grands prix while partnered with Max too. I'm still on season one of DTS, and they only show Max at his most teenage-self as he could ever be. The framing of the show puts him as this rookie that doesn't care about Daniel at all, which I don't think is true for the most part. I think he cared about Daniel the most, mostly because Daniel cared in return. And Danny's Leo Mars-Venus falls in Max's 9H of higher learning and philosophy- while Max might've imitated or looked to Carlos as a template, Daniel was in a mentor position to Max. Perhaps not as strongly as other influences in his life, but he got some life lessons from Danny's racing.

If there was ever a successful Maxwife, it would be him. But days after I got into F1, RBR announced and botched his departure from racing as a whole. That company does not like stability at all. They have pinned their hopes solely on Max, to the point of letting their cars and riders go because shit machinery or not, fucked teammate or not, Max is the championship clincher- he'll drive that thing home every time.

Gasly (2019) ✨ The Rebound

Could NOT cut it from the get go, I'm sorry. In some astrological traditions, sharing a Moon sign with someone (in a partnership context) indicates a sort of spiritual taboo, in the way that cannibalism and incest is taboo in modern society. Too much of the same temperament leads to disaster, because the people are just intensifying each other without the nuance and differences needed to make relationships work.

Now, put Pierre and Max's Virgo moons in an arm wrestling contest and Pierre would lose. Aside from the fact that his Moon does not vibe well with his racing planets (can't see Mars, opposite Saturn), Max's Virgo Moon is powered by Mercury exalted, and the North Node conjunct there too. Chewed up, spit out, with the marrow sucked from the bones.

It was a case of bad timing in Pierre's part. If he had been Max's partner a few years later, they would've vibed well, given that his Gemini rising and Saturn-ruled planets in theory would not clash with Max's chart. But as it is, their placements needed time to mature (such as now, with him mid-Saturn return*****, and Max firmly out of his own Saturn square).

2019 was also the same year that Pierre suffered a personal loss in the death of his friend Anthoine Hubert, who was racing in F2 at the time. It is not astrology's job to explain or justify grief and death- it is a method of keeping and tracking time through the stars. It just so happens that death, grief, loss, life, celebrations, and milestones are all tied to and given meaning because of time.

Albon (2019-2020) 🔔 La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Could Cut it Even LESS. It does not escape me that all three of the 2024-2025 Saturn return team right now (Albon, Gasly, and Sainz) have all been partnered with Max Verstappen during a weird point in Max's own life, and had all come out for the weirder.

When it comes to racing planets, all of Max's previous partners had their Mars in varying dignities- but Saturn, that old taskmaster, was only dignified for Daniel and Checo (both falling in Max's 2H of self-esteem, personal values, and money/own resources).

The Saturn in Pisces team had their planets of structure and foundation in Max's 4H of home, family, ancestry, and privacy. They provided him some sort of springboard or structure, or echoed some parts of his own childhood or his karting days to him.

Alex, however, was doing the most in Max's chart, with the least resources. While Daniel and Carlos' Sun-Saturn (and to a lesser extent, Gasly's Moon-Saturn) opposition echoed Max's karting background, and Checo and Danny both had strong Saturn as "older" brother figures on the track, Alex had no such common ground with Max to build true understanding with.

He cannot relate to Max in a way that translates to having his back on the track and understanding what to do when the going gets tough. Max might consider him familiar and friendly, might entrust him with some secrets, but due to his own experiences with that (namely, Jos Verstappen's Pisces-Taurus placements) he couldn't feel too safe around him to trust him as a teammate as much as he does the others, or GP.

Here, it is not a case of time and lack of maturity, but simple incompatibility. Alex was not suited to RBR style racing nor its management******- his temperament being more in the line of Mercedes or Renault, and yes, Williams. While I don't have his birth time, with his chart I can see some possible reasons as to why they didn't work (Alex might be a dedicated 6H person with the amount of pets he's had, or perhaps Max's placements fall in a cadent house in Alex's chart so he doesn't see Max the way he does other people).

Max was partnered with Ricciardo, Gasly, and Albon when he was going through his first Saturn square (Capricorn-Aries), indicating a period of hardship and personal challenges.

Alex's non-racing planets are in extremely good condition, and fall into Max's 6H of work, health, and daily routines. A bit fitting that they became partners during the pandemic race season.

Perez (2021-present) 🔑 "If I was to be Bluebeard's wife, I would've preferred to be the last..."

Saturnian longevity 🗣️🔛🔝🔥!!!

True to someone with an exalted Jupiter and who has just finished their Saturn return at this point, Checo is the luckiest bastard out of the all of the wives so far. He got the best of Max, as the previous years did quite a bit to soften the blow and refined this guy's particularly volatile chart. Max had already undergone Saturn transiting in his 1H, limiting his self-expression; the first Saturn square, limiting his own capabilities; and Saturn perfecting a conjunction to Jupiter (planet of luck) in his 3H of driving in December 2020-- which meant that Max was already familiar with that type of energy in December 2021.

Checo was, like most people who found themselves happily married partnered, in the right place at the right time.

Though he has the least social connection with him out of all the previous riders, with the majority of Checo's planets in succedent and cadent house of 2H and 3H, at this point, it does not matter. It was already clear to Max in 2021 that he would go at racing alone, and by this point he already had a partner outside of the grid******* fulfilling the Libra symmetry, and easing up the strain he felt in his Sun-Saturn opposition.

Conclusion:

If we were to Frankenstein Max Verstappen's ideal racing partner, they would have to be:

a Gemini (flexible and smart enough to match his racing freak and go along with him on his journey);

not have too many Mutable placements (support him but never get in his angular houses way);

strong Mars or Saturn (an innate fighting spirit which lasts well beyond one race);

and a Sun-Saturn opposition (you have to either be born to the sport/a literal child of the races OR trigger his daddy issues. It sounds crass but it is true).

No one at the grid currently hits all of these requirements at the same time, which is a shame. The one who gets the closest, however, is Franco Colapinto, who has a natal Gemini Sun-Saturn conjunction, with North Node conjunct his Sun. Along with a peregrine Mars and Saturn condition*******.

He would be fun to race with in equal machinery, considering that Max hasn't had a chance to do that with anyone else who had NN conjunct their luminary (Alonso being the only other racer on the grid, with Leo Sun and NN). Franco is lighthearted and adept in the F1 The Event, more so than F1 The Sport, but that's because he doesn't have any skin in the race so far. Were he put in an RBR next year… well. North Node is a hungry point. We might see something yet.

BONUS: My ranking of which 2025 F1 rookies would survive a season being Max Verstappen's racing partner, from best to worst:

Franco Colapinto - doesn't have a seat yet as of the time I posted this. But come on. There's no fucking way he's not getting that last mysterious seat now that Sauber's given the other Gemini the boot*********. IDC if it's in a tractor, that boy has pace behind him! Even when Jupiter goes into Cancer and leaves his Gemini placements alone he'd have that pileup near his Moon... get him in there! See what happens!!!

Liam Lawson - Saturnian with dignified Mars. The only reason he is behind Franco is because he had fewer significant Gemini placements. Would make a good teammate on the track, but not so much for PR because both he and Max are too alike in temperament and not wanting the cameras to be anywhere when they are having fun.

Jack Doohan - Capricorn with Fire placements. Would put up a fight if he doesn't try too hard. Capricorn energy when mixed with fire tends to be impulsive to a fault, which is good for reaction time on a speedy track with Max hot behind your wheels but not when you're just a rookie going in here for the first time.

Kimi Antonelli - Virgo-Leo stellium. Too much mutability and not enough pace... he would fade in the background of Max's performance. He would be good, great even, but he would go the way of Carlos, except weaker since he doesn't have the Water trine that made Carlos work well with Max in the first place.

Gabriel Bortoleto - Libra stellium ruled by fallen Venus. Would not even register as a competitor on Max's radar on the track, because there is no direct aggression there. There's tactics and strategy, but not initiative, not the need to shove someone over. Also, I think Max (and at a lesser degree, Charles) would hate him off track for some reason lmao, Venus is fallen in Virgo and the requisite karma it gets when the person hates women, or adornment, or connection, or marketing is big. Like he really should watch out for his PR because that's a lot of his planets that's tied to a highly-criticized and critical Venus. And if he has a night chart, where Venus isn't dignified by term or decan? Oof. But I digress.

Ollie Bearman - Taurus stellium much like Yuki Tsunoda. He is stubborn but not aggressive. Max wouldn't even eat him alive, he'd just keep passing him.

(30) Nov. 13 2024 10:42 pm because I finally got a long break from whatever the past few weeks were and now I get to breathe

*The sheer balls on this kid makes me think he has the potential to be bitten by the racing bug. But it's still too young to say- he hasn't yet finished this season, and he shares a lot of patterns with the other partners on this list, who ended up crashing and burning under the pressure of partnering with Max.

**Alain Prost was bitten by the racing bug, at least. While they have the same engineering/behind-the-engine-cover strategy, Carlos doesn't want to win as badly as Alain did, and he will never use his nerdery to push himself to the limits as far as The Professor did, or how Mad Max does.

***I want to call them nepobabies soooo bad because it rolls off the old internal speech tongue, but they have a different connotation than when the term is used to refer to kids of artists. Great artistry, people believe, can be trained, with talent popping up occasionally, while athleticism is a genetics game as much as it is learned skill, and is usually inherited. And with F1, being an old boys' sport, money is also a factor. I don't know the background or history of nepotism in different fields (such as manual labor or sciences-- or the subversion of it, such as when Ada Lovelace invented the first computing system because her mom didn't want her to grow up as morose and romantic as her father, Lord Byron) but it would be such a good case study. As of now, I'm limiting it to F1 racers. And I'm still not finished with that particular Excel page.

****Pending Daniel's ascendant point, I do believe purely on a ship-wise level, Daniel would be a better ship for Max than Charles. Charles is Venusian pretty and that's why he has babygirl syndrome- but he is a true Martial menace, he just loosens the reigns on his monstrous personality on the track instead of outside of it, which is a huge part of why Max respects him. But Max doesn't like attracting chaos outside of the track (Charles' Scorpio 1H is a magnet for attention), and seeks meaningful one-on-one connection with others, hence Sim Racing, his girlfriend, his family. Daniel is the true softie, for all that he is/was dedicated to his career. His most personal placements are making aspects to Max's non-racing planets without compromising his own masculinity, and that indicates a more stable relationship, or at least a more emotionally fulfilling one.

*****There was a pileup of Virgo placements in Pierre's 4H of family and hometown opposing his 10H Saturn (career building) at the time, while Max had those same transits supporting his championship indicators. If I recall correctly, Charles also won a race the day after Anthoine died, when this pileup was in his 11H of dreams, opposite his 5H of childhood. This part of their astrology won't mean the same for others who have the same placements and transits, but 2019 was a harrowing year for their group, as it were. But now, Pierre is in the middle of his Saturn return, and his story is tied to friendship- winning double podium with Esteban in Brazil, five years after his maiden podium at the same place.

******Alex has a beautifully stacked chart, going by normal person standards (racing standards less so). He is too well-rounded as a person, as vulnerable to the racing bug as salt is to ants, to ever be as aggressive as is needed to survive there. RBR likes a bit of daring and unconventional temperament in their driving (and proximity to whiteness in their racers), because they do not make typical cars. They're not a car company. They are dependent purely on faith, money, glory-seeking engineers, Max Verstappen not contracting an illness for the whole year, and a few minutes in the wind tunnel to win races. They are an energy drink company who happens to have a racing team. Alex would've been a good racer in the 80s, possibly, especially under Williams back then, but not with these cars as they are now. However, the sustainable fuel and requisite engine change in the next few years will make a significant difference- Hamilton and Vettel got most of their wins in unconventional/"washed" teams after they switched to hybrid engines, so who knows.

*******Contrary to whatever dudebro sports gatekeeper would say, women actually bring a lot of clout to F1. Women have brought a lot of clout to sports festivals and tournaments since time immemorial, but for F1 as an example, a racer being in a relationship with women (which show up commonly as wives and girlfriends, and on the rare occasions as mothers) trigger a podium, a victory, an additional sponsor, or a milestone. I'm not saying the racers need to partner up in order to win, or that women's sole contribution to motorsport is to be the girl on the sidelines waving their favors, I'm saying that Venus is still the ruler of F1 the Event, and the racers who respect/adore/venerate women in their lives tend to have an easier go of it on the track (although technically, this is true in every aspect of life according to sociological research in the past decade but let's focus on WAG culture here. also more women are watching F1 now... hello). Sure it could be coincidence that Max won his first WDC after he got together with Kelly Piquet that same year, or that Lewis lost the 2016 championship to happily wifed-up Nico the same year he broke up with long-term on-off girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger, or that Alonso won his last WDC when he was still married to his first wife Raquel del Rosario, or that Vettel started F1 the same year he dated his childhood sweetheart-now-wife Hannah Prater, or that Checo's performance and sponsors suffered after the cheating allegations on his wife Carola Martinez- but I would much rather believe the whimsy, as it were.

********The best chart to have as an F1 racer is to have either one of your racing planets be peregrine, and the other in detriment, OR to have both peregrine and have an otherwise Cardinal-led chart, OR have the benefics support your fallen racing planets. Otherwise, good synastry with your teammate and racing team will lead to consistent podiums. A good chart + good synastry will lead to championships.

*********Had they given you the time of day to talk as equals you would've been the best in PR management and yapping at cameras, darling Zhou. I understand you can't get on camera as much due to family business but come on. Racism really won't let us have it all.

[c-ptsdrecovery]

I've been meaning to make this post for months, but I'm lazy :P

This year, I got diagnosed with bipolar 2, and going on mood stabilizers has been LIFE-CHANGING. (In the way they always told me going on antidepressants would be, only it wasn't.) I have discovered that I had a lot of (common) misconceptions about what bipolar disorder was like, which was why I struggled for at least 15 years with it and didn't get diagnosed until now. So I wanted to share a little bit about what I've learned about what bipolar disorder is REALLY like, in the hopes that other people in the same boat as me might recognize their own symptoms.

Disclaimers: I am not a mental health professional or an expert in bipolar disorder, and this is drawn from my personal experiences, which may be different from what another person with bipolar experiences.

--There are different levels of depression and of mania. Low mania, for instance, is called hypomania. While people with Bipolar 1 experience a range of emotions from mania to depression, people with Bipolar 2 experience mostly depression with occasional hypomania.

--People have a very extreme and stereotyped idea of what mania looks like, so it can be harder to recognize hypomania in particular. Things that mania/hypomania can look like:

anxiety

restlessness

insomnia

constant fidgeting

huge excitement or joy

intense creativity

intense sensory experience (colors are brighter, handsoap smells AMAZING, etc)

rage

less inhibited behavior

more spending

more risky behavior

feeling like you're finally yourself for the first time in years

--You will notice in that list that manic doesn't just mean happy. Mania is a high-energy state. That can mean high-energy happiness, high-energy anger, high-energy anxiety, etc. Depression is the low-energy side of the equation.

--You don't have to be JUST manic or JUST depressed. It's very common to have "mixed episodes" where you are both at one time. I was diagnosed years ago with "anxiety and depression"--and it turns out that that was probably actually a bipolar mixed state. A lot of people with classic depression talk about having no energy, having trouble getting out of bed, etc, but I always had the kind of depression where I felt despairing but also high-energy. I was restless and anxious--and sometimes had bursts of happiness and enjoyment in the middle and then went back to being depressed again.

--Bipolar can feel like mood swings. Your moods are intense and they can change quickly. I have had a psychiatrist tell me that you know it's bipolar when your mood changes for no reason. This may be true for some people, but for me, I could almost always attribute my mood change to SOMETHING. "I feel bad because of that thing somebody said to me" or "I feel bad because I'm lonely" or "I feel anxious because my stomach is upset". So that wasn't a helpful indicator for me, but the presence of the mood swings was. Some people also try to say that you have to be in a manic or depressive state for a certain number of days in order to qualify as bipolar--but if you're having mixed episodes like I was, all bets are off as to how long a mood is going to last.

--It's very common for people with bipolar disorder to have sleep problems: sleeping too much, sleeping too little, or both. I go right to sleep at bedtime, but then I wake up in the middle of the night, lie awake for an hour, and then go back to sleep. I have done this regularly for literally 15 years.

--A really good sign of having bipolar disorder is if trying a new antidepressant makes you manic/hypomanic. This doesn't always happen to people with bipolar disorder trying an antidepressant, but it certainly can.

My experience with antidepressants is that sometimes they seemed to work a bit for awhile, but in the long run, they really didn't work. One antidepressant that I tried made me FURIOUSLY ANGRY, so much so that it scared me and I had to get off the med after a week (the rage was a hypomanic state). One antidepressant that I tried made me so unbearably anxious that I took it ONCE and never again (that anxiety was also a hypomanic state). I took an antidepressant once that worked PERFECTLY for two months, and then suddenly stopped, and never worked again (happy hypomania, mood-swinging back to depressed again). What finally tipped us off that my problem was bipolar disorder was when I tried a new antidepressant and it made me feel AMAZING and then it wore off and I got super-depressed again... and then we raised the dose and I felt AMAZING and then it wore off, and... Meanwhile, I was happier than I had ever been before, I started a new hobby of collecting bonkers earrings, I started dressing in eye-burning rainbow colors, I was far more confident than I had ever been, I spent more (not way too much, but more) than usual... That is the kind of hypomanic/manic state that most people recognize as such, which is how I finally got diagnosed.

I will add on tomorrow or so with some stories about episodes that I recognize in retrospect were from my bipolar disorder, but I don't want to make this post longer than it already is! I will just add: If any of this sounds like you, I strongly encourage you to talk to a doctor about trying mood stabilizers. Maybe they won't do anything for you--but then at least you'll KNOW. I have a sneaking suspicion that just like C-PTSD is wildly underdiagnosed, bipolar disorder probably is, too.

[autistic-duck]

(Very long post, sorry.)

I had an experience with a college professor last semester that really got me thinking about academics and ableism, specifically in college writing.

A few months ago, my class was having an open discussion, and I brought up an opinion that had been on my mind for a while.

I basically said, "There's a gap between college-level writing and the average person's reading level that we need to fill. Nobody should need to look up words every three seconds to understand a study that could affect their life, so we either need more people to rewrite these studies for the general public to understand, or these studies, in general, should be published with language that isn't so complicated."

My professor responded by saying something like, "Sure, that's a good goal. However, wouldn't a better goal be to raise the average person's reading level so that everyone can understand college-level writing?"

I (in my frantic and confused way) tried to bring up the fact that there are people born at a disadvantage in life. In fact, getting everyone to a perfect college reading level isn't a realistic goal. It certainly isn't for me, and I don't want it to have to be for other people. In fact, the professor who told me this also struggled to understand the chapters we were assigned to read in that class.

Really, it all comes down to this: college-level language is inaccessible.

Even more importantly, many people will never be able to understand most of the huge words thrown around in college writing.

At school, I am constantly told my writing style is "simple" and "easy to understand." This is something my classmates have told me isn't "bad" but just "different." However, I'm still insecure whenever someone mentions it because it is always pointed out. I use a smaller vocabulary, they seem to say, but don't worry. It's just a preferred writing style, they reassure me. They think the simple language is a choice I could stop at any time.

Well, what if it isn't just a "style"? What if I struggle to expand my vocabulary? Learning one new word takes me ages because I need to see it in all kinds of contexts. Even then, oftentimes "context clues" are no help, and I completely misinterpret the meaning of a word for years because it seems like every other native English speaker knew what it meant without needing to say it. A lot of the time I'll read the definition of a new word and instantly forget it after finishing the sentence it was in.

So yeah, I'll say it with pride: Simple words are powerful. Simple words are beautiful. And most importantly, simple words are not inferior in any way to words like "quintessential" or "expedient." (I have no idea what either of those words mean even though I've looked them up plenty of times and used them accurately in essays before.)

Simplicity is why I like shows meant for all ages better than shows meant only for adults. Because in shows that are written with children in mind, there aren't confusing messages you have to spend energy untangling. There aren't unnecessary analogies or feelings that are "implied" but never said. The characters' facial expressions and emotions are easy to read and the moments where I am confused are rare.

Now, this is all coming from an autistic person with low support needs. My reading comprehension score is considered slightly above average, and so is my problem-solving abilities which means I am lucky and I can understand a lot of what I read in college. The main point of this little "essay" was to point out a common conversation I despise hearing in college, the one about simple language and its implied inferiority.

Because guess what? Language is not accessible to everybody. Many of us, even those with high reading comprehension, struggle.

Our goal should never be to make everyone capable of reading college-level books and studies. That is asking for those who need accommodations to accommodate themselves, something I'm sure other disabled people are tired of having to do. Instead, the goal should be making college language more accessible, making knowledge accessible. After all, the reader is only a fragment of the conversation. The writer is the majority of it.

TLDR; Everyone deserves access to language and knowledge that makes sense, and bigger words never mean they are better.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I'm an INFJ with basically zero self-worth and self-esteem. My condition takes root from an emotionally abusive family and school bullying. I've questioned my faulty beliefs and I'm creating a new set of values to abide by like you suggested in a previous answer, but the ”inner feeling” I have of myself still hasn't changed and I don't know what I'm supposed to do, it's like a remnant of an old self and a dead past that I don't know how to get rid of or solve. When I find myself in the presence of other people I tend to I “lose myself” and forget my identity in order to accomodate them. I do the inner work, but when it's time to interact with other people my ancient deep rooted feeling of “inferiority” gets triggered and I have a fear of confrontation. It's the automatic reaction I tend to have the moment I'm in front of other people. I'm currently don't feel “steady” or “grounded” in myself enough, and the moment I talk with someone, it's like almost all my “progress” vanishes and I behave the way I've always done ever since I lost my self-worth, meaning I'm accomodating, compliant, stiff and deadpan. When I'm in the presence of people who I feel are more similar to me and “get me”, I let loose more and feel more comfortable, but I still remain a bit compliant.

It's been like this up until recently. I just started asserting my actual opinions and feelings more, even if they're controversial, and while I gained more emotional autonomy that makes me feel better, that underlying feeling of “inner resilience” and self-assuredness is still nowhere to be found within me. I don't feel it. I was wondering if you had any insights on how to build real self-worth and self-esteem, and by that I mean self-assuredness, the kind of “inner resilience” and strength that's not tied to external validation, which I identify as a “state of being”. I ask this because self-assuredness can be detected by others by aura/energy alone. If I act social and confident, people are still gonna instinctively detect the low self-worth underneath. For example, there's this girl I know who has admitted that she was a recluse in her teens but after working on herself she's become social, outspoken and has made many friends. There is one issue though: despite her social and assertive demeanor, I can sorta feel on an instinctual level that she has zero self-worth, so she has worked on “fixing” the external but still hasn't done the inner working. My ounce about her has been confirmed later on by the fact that she has a boyfriend that neglects and doesn't care about her.

So I've been wondering for quite some time on how to achieve that self-assuredness that in turn changes also that “aura” around you that people still perceive, but I'm kinda stuck. I know that self-assuredness comes from an inner acceptance of who you are paired with an inner knowing of your worth regardless of external temporary standards, but see, I “know it” rationally, but not in my heart, therefore it does nothing to trigger that internal switch and that change of aura that everyone can detect. I don't know how to verbalize this concept very well, but I hope you get my gist. There's a difference between knowing on a rational level that you are worthy and on the same level as other people, and then knowing it with your innermost being, so how I do start to truly feel self-assured on a deeper level? How I start to truly grasp this truth in my core and trigger the real inner change in the way I feel about myself? How do I make it click?)

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The major point you're missing is that healthy self-worth stems from healthy self-acceptance. Do you understand what it means to accept yourself? It does NOT mean ignoring blindspots, lying to yourself, or living in denial. Self-acceptance means being able to see yourself realistically and understanding that ALL of what you see is an important and integral part of who you are - which includes all of the fear, anxiety, shame, and self-loathing.

This idea that you're putting forth about "inner resilience" is a false image. Striving for a false image impedes self-acceptance. You would not strive to become a false image or a "perfect" self unless you were trying to disown the negative aspects of yourself. As long as you keep trying to disown parts of yourself, you are not accepting yourself.

Nobody but the worst grandiose narcissists are self-assured 100% of the time. Is that what you're striving to become? To have a realistic self-image means that you have to recognize and have compassion for your own humanity. To be human is to be complex, which includes: possessing both strengths and weaknesses; suffering mental conflicts and contradictions; feeling varied and mixed emotions; exhibiting positive and negative characteristics. It is this complexity that allows for learning and growth. If you want to feel whole, then you have to start seeing yourself as a whole person, warts and all.

When you experience abuse, it means people weren't recognizing and respecting your humanity. That's not your fault. But once you're grown, you owe it to yourself to learn how to recognize and respect your own humanity, so that you don't remain a scared and scarred little child forever, always desperate for approval.

That child will always be a part of you. That child isn't bad. That child is not something to be ashamed of. That child doesn't need to be banished. Rather, that child needs to be understood, if you hope to truly know yourself. That child will teach you what true love really means, if you allow it. Constantly trying to push or hide that child away is just repeating the cycle of toxic shame and abuse.

Instead of rejecting that child over and over again in the same abusive way your parents/peers did, why not flip the script? Why not give that child everything it was deprived of, such as: kindness, care, empathy, compassion, and love? What would happen then?

At this point, you are the one stopping yourself from acknowledging your own humanity by wishing to be something inhuman, something impossible, or something fake. Get real, grant yourself the freedom to be fully human, and you'll find self-acceptance comes naturally. But if you keep placing unrealistic or unreasonable expectations on yourself because you believe that it might get you the approval you never received from your parents/peers, you'll keep feeling the shame of not being able to live up to them.

Once you accept yourself as is (as opposed to "only if"), it means you believe in your right to exist as your whole self, and that will make it easier to be assertive and advocate for your own needs in relationships.

[au-wannabe-the-very-best]

I wanna chew on your Misplaced Super Train AU like it's got the texture of perfectly toasted potato bread. I wanna squeeze it like it's a triple-overstuffed squishmallow and wrap it around me like a silken weighted blanket.

This has got to be my single most favorite AU of yours so far, and I feel it with such intensity that all the All Caps and exclamation points in the world could not help me express it.

Feed

Me

More

Please

Like, does the group do anything about Volo, or does he manage to avoid them/avoid giving them Rancid Vibes? I feel like they would have a pretty good mix of people/pokemon able to pick up on individual little things that come together to make a Concerning Picture.

And how are the people (Emmet et. al.) back home doing? How do they feel? Because a whole group of people disappearing launches people straight into conspiracy theories rather than just ("just") the concern a single dissappearance would generate.

Would the group show up in history books? Would Ingo & Co know they were gonna disappear (a lá Stable Time Loop) or is it more like they don't show up in history until it happens (if at all)? (Time is weird.)

I think because of the fact that they just accidentally came through a space-time rift, Volo's operating under the assumption that they weren't sent to stop his plans or anything, so he just avoids them. As for the group, I think it would be super funny if they have like. An instinct for people who wield legendaries. Because they're so used to passengers trying to sneak them into the battle subway. They're BANNED for a reason.

So, like, they KNOW Volo's got legendary voodoo all over him but they don't particularly care? Not their passenger, not their problem.

As for the family back home, Emmet and the others aren't really handling this very well. Interpol gets involved immediately, but their lack of results is very discouraging. See, before this, there has been things disappearing throughout history that logically shouldn't just disappear! Things like a whole fridge or a washing machine, for example. But it's always been attributed to a thief who's got a really well-trained psychic type, or something like that. Nobody is going to connect these random disappearances to a whole ass train vanishing off the tracks, despite the fact that they're both connected to the space-time distortions. Up until this point, all previous disappearances were low-level and weren't given much investigation.

So there's really... no precedence on how to handle this. Not even "fallers" are as bizarre as this. Plus, there's no ultra wormhole energy, so that's ruled out fairly quickly. Interpol has got no leads. And the internet is getting wild with the conspiracy theories, much to the dismay of the family and friends of those who went missing.

Emmet breaks his phone against a wall when some tabloid claims it's a publicity stunt.

Anyways, no, I don't think Ingo or the depot agents had any clue they were going to disappear, but I DO think this is going to be a "stable time loop" scenario— while in the past, they're going to have the caution to not reveal much future info, and keep their identities generally a secret. Not to mention, in the future, the "secret third alien clan in Hisui" is considered a conspiracy theory, regardless of the evidence of their existence. It doesn't really reach the ears of the Unovan subway workers, outside of lesser-known memes. There's no photos of them, and the only person in their group who has much a reason to be interacting with anyone native to Hisui would be Ingo. And that's just because Lady Sneasler's taken quite the liking to him. There's the added plus that with Ingo's amnesia, he actually doesn't run much of a risk when it comes to revealing things, so they're not as worried about him interacting with the locals as they are of Big Mouth Cameron who told people they were FROM ANOTHER WORLD.

I also think, when they return, a lot of the proof of their existence is going to be taken with them... Which doesn't leave much for the historians to find.

When they come back, though? Oh, the historical community is going to have a field day with the goodies they brought back.