#it's about insecure people wanting to engage in fandom

[endothermic-rain]

I'm going to start tagging any vaguely hatery post with "💥💥" so they can be filtered out if needed. Peace and love on planet Earth.

[xcziel]

sometimes i am just struck by how happy i am to only go on twitter when linked to specific posts and to curate my dash

like i never really see any actual discourse, just the occasional reasonable person i am in contact with complaining about encountering discourse

[gatheringbones]

If I'm 23 and have never been in a sexual or romantic relationship, is there a point in trying? I feel like I missed the boat on developing the skills necessary to make either of those things work, and it'd be selfish of me to expect others to hold themselves back so I can unlearn all of my emotional and sexual issues with them. Part of me feels like it's possible to unlearn all of that by myself, but another part feels like it's like any other two-person activity and no amount of solo practice can really prepare you for actually engaging with another person. And honestly, it just hurts that I'm this old and this far behind, that there's this whole side of the world that I haven't experienced, these whole new facets of people's inner worlds and intimacies that I haven't been exposed to. I feel like I have only a very surface-level relationships with even my platonic friends because I don't actually understand or relate to anything going on in their romantic or sexual lives. Like I'm an overgrown child. It doesn't help that I'm very isolated by the material conditions of my life and I can't see those changing anytime soon. I dunno. I realize that I'm just demonstrating all of the negative traits you were talking about and that I'd just be using a partner as a tool for my own masturbatory self-aggrandizement (i.e. caring more about wanting to float around in a sea of my own feelings instead of forming an actual connection to another human being.) It just sucks to admit the truth that I have to become a whole person before I can stop being alone and that it'll probably take me like years before that happens and then I'll be a thirty year-old virgin in a world of people looking for someone to settle down with that I'm going to have to ask to be the equivalent of a high-school fling. I'm sorry for ranting in your inbox, I guess if anything it's a good indication that your post struck a nerve in the insecure do-nothing fandom lol

I realized partway through reading this that what you are reacting to in such horror is in many ways the story of my life and I found it very funny. when I reached the part about the terrifying fate of being a 30 year old virgin I laughed so hard I scared the dog.

I met c when I was twenty nine. my life was unrelenting isolation and horror. I’d kissed all of three people. I didn’t stop being a quote unquote virgin until six months into our relationship. I spent most of my twenties doing exactly what you described: floating through the motions of dating using other human beings to play out preconceived ideas about myself that only left me bored and bewildered. Everyone I met was doing the exact same. We treated each other abysmally; like objects.

then I kept looking and kept throwing out my net and c showed up (because she was looking and throwing out her net). your question made me so exuberant with joy I upset the senior citizen chaweenie mix she adopted five years before she ever met me.

everything will turn out all right.

[sitp-recs]

re - your last post, as a writer i find that to be an absurd take. people who write exclusively for validation probably shouldn't. if discovering your work is enjoyed and loved - just privately - is a dealbreaker for you, i think there are probably bigger issues that need to be worked through. the idea that we write fic for free and yet this discussion about "payment" through kudos/comments persists is so backwards and obnoxious.

sorry to tag you on this, obv you have nothing to do with op, but i just wanted to say - as a writer recs are a HUGE deal. to know that you liked something enough to share it with others is the biggest compliment for me personally. thanks for doing what you do.

I’m happy you reached out because this is a really interesting perspective. I definitely see increased messaging around comments = payment that pressures readers into thinking they are required to leave comments, and I agree that there are many layers to this convo that point out to a not-so-healthy relationship with fandom.

I find it hard to join this discussion not being an author myself, because I only have the privileged perspective. I understand how important feedback can be to boost newcomers and those who don’t feel part of the community. We all deal with insecurity in different ways and it’s hard to navigate a big fandom when you don’t have a group of friends to rely on. In the end the fandom experience is about a sense of belonging and it saddens me to realize that I might be part of the problem since my recs can only reach Tumblr and my ao3 comments are far and few in between.

It’s funny because my blog has always targeted other readers: at the beginning I didn’t even tag authors and did not expect them to find or engage with my posts. Over the years the recs became more and more personal, until I realized I was writing them for myself. Sure, they are love letters to the fic and might help more people find them, but at the end of the day this is my little therapy corner where I can let go and babble around to my heart’s content 🙏🏼 I’ve always been proud of this blog and seeing that post gave me mixed feelings about it for the first time, so thank you for your message!

Again, I think this discussion has many layers and I’m a bit wary to get involved being a reader, but I’d be curious to see how others feel about it…

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

ALNST analysis about Luka's "Drowing Bloom" Patreon post and his page

The following analysis is formulated in response to this query from a mutual of mine. The post states as follows:

I just read the new, free Patreon post and. huh. what do you mean "LUKA has never felt insecure in his life" lmao. isn't it official information that he used to have low self-esteem? how does "had low self-esteem" and "has never felt insecure in his life" go together. unless it's another definition of "insecure" that's being used here? I'm somewhat confused but also that's a funny sentence tbh

I'm here to talk about that, though I'll mainly be dissecting the new Patreon content.

The following content will contain discussions of Luka, Hyuna, Hyun Woo, HyunLuka, child abuse, unconventionally/potentially uncomfortable love and relationship, bullying, and social isolation.

To begin this discussion, I will clarify any doubts that may be had about the exact wording. (I haven't been able to find any translation analysis/translators who can clarify because Patreon posts are already translated, so you'll have to excuse my limited capabilities.)

In the post, Luka's "insecure" mentioned above is related to the word "uneasy" of the first sentence; but when I put it through a translator to get each word separately, they were all spelled differently while having mostly similar/related characters. The words originally came out as "unstable" when the sentences were together. When I translated them on their own, I obtained three different results.

불안합니다 "He is anxious/I am anxious."

것입니다 "feeling anxious"

불안하다는 "I feel anxious"

After wasting about an hour and writing an unnecessary amount of analysis I ended up scrapping, I come to the conclusion that they are all synonymous and simply changed for grammar reasons or clarity.

(If you care, here's a list of English equivalents for the different groupings: uneasy, anxious, insecure, unstable, nervousness, trepidation. Someone who knows Korean can correct me if I'm wrong about anything.)

Next in line, I will analyze the overall picture of Hyuna and Luka's relationship through the years. (Read also, we finally get HyunLuka analysis through the flowers + Hyun Woo mentions.)

Hyuna and Luka were intimately close as children. With the addition of Hyun Woo, the three are almost always depicted together, like inseparable friends. Hyuna consistently allowed Luka to engage in behaviors other humans saw as off-putting or disgusting around her. Lacking expressions and engagement in interaction, disregarding others' presence and emotions to the point of being physically hurtful, and constantly sucking on or biting objects and Hyuna herself—she accepted it all and even showed that she did not consider it queer/unnatural. Luka repeatedly expressed his "love" for her as possession and desires for control. He has been conditioned to believe that care/love is obsession and obedience. He is not able to force the girl he loves (physically and mentally) but wants her near him and subordinate to him so she can never have to worry again and he can control everything around her. This is in direct relation to the fact that he has no worries for his future because his path had already been set out for him since the concept of "Luka" existed.

But don't forget Hyuna's side of this relationship. Hyuna, who originally had her precious brother with her and led both Hyun Woo and Luka in playing together. Hyuna loved Luka so much that she would let him do anything he wanted, really. One of her canonical regrets is how permissive she allowed herself to be with him. People think that Hyuna doesn't love Luka anymore or simply cut it all off when her brother died. That's simply not true. The fandom has labeled them as "tragic heteros," and I think that's a fitting title. They're beautiful opposites. From the start, Hyuna has always been seen as the extroversion to Luka's introversion. She jumps into situations, and he follows.

Luka's love is insecure (translated flower-wise as anxious) because of their past and conflicting ideals. It says in the Patreon post that "LUKA thought the whole time he was away from HYUNA. About what he should have done, and how on earth he could be more connected to his loved ones than blood." I'd like to point out that loved ones is plural. Luka has loved more than just Hyuna in his life. And the loved ones he had either had someone who was blood related who he felt was closer than him (jealousy) or shedding blood seemed like the only way to have those people close to him (obsessive behavior).

Hyuna loves so strongly that the flower used means that her love is "without measure." Hyuna doesn't look back yet still holds affection and care inside, locked away because addressing the love means addressing the trauma. Her "love" also connects to the revolution and freedom. She has an emptiness inside of her, and she makes the steps to fill it with her own two hands. She will not drown in grief and let the two ones she loved most being removed from her life make her stop reaching out for her love of freedom. She was a girl with no idea what she was doing when she escaped, but she has grown into a woman who is determined to live her life for herself.

The contrast and similarity is striking.

Luka's description makes him sound weak, the image of lying down and feeling water flow over your hand comes to me. The acceptance and surety of fate and letting life be is the behavior I struggle to find a word for that isn't complacency. He feels inactive, only pondering how he could have changed things but never doing anything.

Hyuna's description sounds desperate and bold. We know from "All-In" that she still gets vivid flashbacks even when soaked in noise and distractions. She is a person who works impulsively and passionately, putting her whole heart into something. Littered with regrets—she has to push on to survive.

Yet, these two are so similar.

They held the love inside of them deep down, never speaking of it aloud except in the only ways that they know how to show themselves—song. Their flowers are both colorful because of their individual beauties that they show in their own way. It is Hyuna who was insinuated to have influenced Luka in seeing the stage as a place where he can be in control.

They are both empty due to loss, both coping by leaving the past behind and physically unaddressed (despite different mentalities behind the actions). While Hyuna doesn't look back and distracts herself, Luka wears a mask and deludes himself, and they both pretend the world is going to work out the way they need because they are in control in their own minds. They're simultaneously trapped in their ideologies, and this conflict is the reason they are the "tragic heteros" of the narrative.

Moving on, I will talk about the page whose image I will provide below. (ID in alt text, English only)

As much as I consider Herperu the lowest of low, I cannot discredit his words and say he knows nothing of Luka. He made it his personal mission to know every detail of his finest creation. Luka was tailor-made after all, with many fans theorizing that he was created in a lab/test tube-like container. While I cannot give you canon facts for something unstated, I can give you a handful of theories concerning why Heperu claims Luka has low self-esteem.

Luka may have had confidence issues from his ostracization in Anakt Garden. (He was ignored by his peers and, in an official comic, shown to be treated like he didn't exist/wasn't significant. Assuming this was normal behavior given to him in his days at Anakt Garden, there is good reason to believe that when Hyuna left/grew distanced after Hyun Woo's death, so did his only hold on interaction with a fellow human.)

Luka is conditioned to believe everything Heperu tells him unconditionally and holds onto the sentiment of how he will be no good if he isn't "talented enough" as well as his mandatory duty to be the god among men of idols. (He must always be in perfect shape in order to present himself. There can never be a flaw. His autonomy does not exist. He is a good for others to take from. He must be a model pet.)

Luka's only confidence came from his performance and acting, he had no real confidence in himself as a person, away from cameras, or off-stage. (He seems to have adopted Hyuna's philosophy of singing giving a person freedom to express how they are, seeing as he is more expressive on-stage and masks everywhere else.)

Herperu's words could be what is a common case of "assuming you know what a creature wants/is feeling from researching instead of asking directly." (Segyein see humans like humans see animals. If an animal shows certain behaviors, we consult resources in order to know how to view and approach the situation. If research told Heperu that Luka had low self-esteem, then he would believe that rather than ask his pet how he feels.)

Heperu could be gaslighting Luka into thinking he has low self-esteem or gaslighting the press into thinking Luka is "humble" or whatever.

I, personally, don't have full trust of segyein's descriptions of humans because it's obvious that they very rarely (if ever) ask the human how they're feeling or neglect to even do simple analysis of humanity. (Also, Heperu is incredibly selfish and manipulative, without a single thought or consideration being about Luka's comfort, happiness, or healthy living. Honestly, I hate that alien. I hope his dick-shaped head-body snaps in two.)

To wrap this analysis up, my conclusion is simple. It is up to a fan's interpretation to figure out whether they think Luka has low self-esteem, is in a constant state of surety, used to have low self-esteem and has now changed that state of mind, or exists as a mixture of multiple states in multiple areas. Canon's conflict stems from information we cannot fully be sure on, and the creators remark about the complexity of Luka's emotions and the inability for almost anyone. "We don't know if anyone will ever know LUKA's heart..." They admit that there is a limit and that he is a difficult creature to understand.

Extra: my personal theories

Personally, I believe that Luka has low self-esteem due to his view of himself as worthless without his trained skills and inferior to segyein by existence. I believe he has never been insecure because he has never tried to drift from the path that was paved for him. I believe he still knows that the love between him and Hyuna is insecure because of the instinct that the Patreon post mentions; it would be more accurate to use the synonyms "uneasy/unstable." He is stable/secure in his livelihood so long as he follows the life that he knows no alternative from; his relationship is unstable/insecure due to the trauma on Hyuna's end and his forceful nature; he had low self-esteem either from his peers' isolation or from Heperu's reminders that he is only worth something as long as Heperu deems it so.

Thanks for reading.

[scarwasright]

Asking white people why we feel the urge to portray the Elrics as brown.

To nip this bad faith reading in the bud: No, I'm not speaking against the re-imagining of protagonists as people of color because a fan might want to see themselves in a work of art where they are underrepresented.

I'm speaking to the very specific recent (last ~5-10 years or so) fandom trend of giving Ed and Al darker skin and changing absolutely nothing about the context under which they move through their fictional world.

Any person with even some faint trace of a critical pulse can smell the stink on FMA's, particularly the manga's and PARTICULARLY BH's, racial politics. The protagonists are descended from a mythologized dead race of pale blond people from the desert, and Edward is also posited as the ultimate moral compass on which the series' thematic logic turns. The latter is archetypal of a Shounen. From jump, if we're delivering A Lesson, Edward is always right. The series generally doesn't think there's anything wrong with the militaristic status quo (so long as we rout the shadow cabal living under the capital (don't think about that too hard)), so Edward also thinks there is nothing wrong with it. This causes him, from time to time, to butt heads with survivors of a genocide perpetrated by the army that he works for. Because FMAB wants to have its cake and eat it, too: It postures as being about Serious Things, like industrialized imperialism, but it also abjectly refuses to shed its Shounen trappings, lest it come to the not-so-feel-good conclusion that it was the militaristic status quo that enabled horrific violence in the first place. The protagonist is a willful member of an elite class of soldiers who were deployed in recent living memory to wipe an indigenous population off the map, but he is ideologically opposed to using guns because they kill people. The protagonist must always win with friendship, might, and vague niceties about how all lives matter.

Making Ed brown does not alleviate this contradiction. It only highlights the insecurity of the white people in the room who can tell that something is Off, but aren't willing to engage with it in a meaningful way.

The knee-jerk reaction to make Xerxians darker isn't an unreasonable one. The canon as it is presented could have been lifted from one of many white supremacist pseudo-histories about mystical ancestral white people. The fact that FMA wasn't created by a white person does not negate this, especially when that person is of the majority within her own imperial nation. Hiromu Arakawa is not Ainu, and she has never claimed to be. The idea that she is comes from a game of fandom telephone based on an interview where she mentions that she has relatives who are. This erroneous extrapolation fits within the same bubble of white comfort as redesigning Ed to be brown: If Arakawa is indigenous, she has implicit authority on the subject of indigeneity within her fiction. If Edward is brown, then all the Ick that self-proclaimed progressive people get when he is talking down at Scar or Miles goes away.

But both of these sentiments are self-comforting fallacies.

Making Edward brown within the fiction of Fullmetal Alchemist while changing nothing about his worldview and experiences does nothing but provide a notion of legitimacy and authority to his moral stances that clash with other brown characters who have less favorable views on the military status quo. He is still a willing servicemember in an army that only a decade ago wiped an entire ethnic region off the map.

Brown Edward is just another entry in fandom's long legacy of "brown paper doll" characters-- Characters who are visibly people of color, but who have no cultural or ideological grounding that might reasonably stem from their racialization within the fiction. Characters who are palatable to white people because they do not force us into discomfort, whose suffering is Noble because it does not move them to hatred or violence against the systems and people who oppress them. Characters who very often have skin that's been eyedropped a shade darker, but who lack any other features deemed unfavorable by white supremacy.

I don't engage much with fandom critique these days, because after so much time here, I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of people would rather dig their heels in and continue to pretend that an anime they like is something that is simply is not. That a cartoon "likes women" (whatever the fuck that means) simply because it has more women in it than others of a similar genre. That it is "anti-imperialist" because the imperialists who have more power when the curtain closes than they did when it opened Feel Bad about the genocide they did. This post is already written from the assumption that the reader is aware of the reactionary undercurrents of FMAB's themes and political messaging, which means it's already going to miss a lot of people who are, frankly, ignorant, be it because they lack the critical framework to deconstruct a story's contradictory or problematic elements, or because they simply don't want to or don't care. I know I'm not reaching them. I haven't even gotten into how glaring it is that the vast majority of fandom would rather put a coat of paint on Good Golden Edward than meaningfully engage with the characters of color who already exist in the show and whose identities are not so toothlessly convenient for a white audience's comfort.

My hope is only to encourage that, rather than shoving the discomfort out of sight and mind with a performance of progressivism, we face it down in our art. Edward Elric is a racist dickhead. How can we meaningfully explore that? How does he become a better citizen of the world? And by extension: How do we? Certainly not by reframing our thematic mouthpieces in the facsimile of a marginalized identity to lend legitimacy to everything they say in support of the oppressive status quo.

[biancasaidstfu]

I have a very long theory about the timeline and also L’s friends and family and what they know/knew while it was happening, and why things may have played out they way they did. (Not anything that violates their privacy, just some speculation about how things could have gone down that I think explains some things.)

I have been thinking most of this for a while, but that anon you had a while back claiming to work with a member of L’s family and what they were saying about N&L got me thinking. They may have just been a random person trolling, but I went back and read their previous post, and it seemed to imply the following:

L was in love with N, and wanted to date post filming, but N didn’t want to

L then got with A instead, and she became integrated into his friends and family group and they all liked her

All of this actually lines up with some fandom theories about what happened post-season 3, that they caught feelings and lines were blurred (L’s worlds about the blurring of lines, plus we’ve all seen the bts) and N wanted to take some time to separate from characters and make sure things were real. We’ve also speculated that L was hurt by whatever happened with N post-filming, and if that is the case could have caused his friends and family to be upset with N for the pain that he was experiencing. (My theory is that he was a fucking wreck if this is what happened because his feelings for N are anything but casual, and his friends and family had to deal with that/put him back together.) Don’t forget that L was also dealing with the end of a long term relationship almost simultaneously to “losing” Nic who I also think he had feelings for from day one, and I think everyone probably knew that his feelings for N had likely impacted/ended his relationship with J, and now N was stepping back from a relationship with him at that time, leaving him a mess.

So let’s say all of this has happened, and L went off the rails and swore off N, had his HBS and jumped into something with A (maybe with R’s help) and she made him feel better/boosted his confidence and he integrated her quickly into his life and his friends and family were all happy that he seemed happy and stable, and then… reshoots/press/tour happened.

I think N&L realized very quickly after reuniting that they still had feelings for each other and decided to move forward with a serious relationship because they knew they were it for each other, but they kept it a big secret even from people very close to them, and especially from anyone L knew wouldn’t be supportive or would try to talk him out of it after all that had gone on. He didn’t bring them into the circle, so they didn’t know what was going on. All they saw was what we saw, which is the interviews and press they were doing, which could be played off as PR, but they were also probably concerned about how close they were getting again. This could be why his sister/family seemed to be involved with A coming to the premiere to interfere what seemed to be happening, because everyone was concerned about him getting personally involved with N again and the impact that could have on him. The interaction with N was orchestrated to remind her that A was still there and mark her territory/intimidate her. L was reportedly upset/had an altercation with A at that event, and I think that after party N&L hug was her comforting him. However was also see him being very territorial about N at the same event, maybe because was worried about losing her again/it felt precarious/he is a person who needs a lot of reassurance, especially after the last time, and I think because N might have withdrawn from him or acted different because A was there and that made him feel insecure.

By this point I think N&L had already decided to get married and L had proposed (Australia Truther/down on the knee part one.) Ring was ordered and a backstory created for it to hide the truth until they were ready to share. They were engaged when N jokingly proposed in Italy. She starts posting the “boyfriend” pics. Press tour continues and so does the charade. In Ireland, L meets/asks permission from N’s family and the offical proposal happens (Down on the knee part two). Everyone’s emotional when L meets her mom but N’s bro in law is still a little skeptical/protective about the situation and the fact they L still had this situationship on the side/his family doesn’t know yet. They are both emotional about the tour ending and L tears up when N mentions that they (C&P??) will be married when they return to set.

They plan to separate for the summer so that L can handle business on his end. By the London radio interviews, N is starting to get emotional and withdraw a bit because the tour is ending and she knows what’s coming. He tried to comfort/reassure her but the situation sucks all around. Since their relationship is a secret, their communication will be limited, but as long as she is wearing the ring, he know she is still in and waiting for him (song lyrics), which he needs after what happened last time. She plans to hint at a relationship with JD to help conceal the truth, a friend but someone L will not feel worried/jealous about but will help provide some cover.

By the London premiere, everyone on L’s side is super concerned at where this is going, and someone or maybe multiple people close to L conspire for the pap walk to occur. I think some members of L’s professional team might have been in the group if people who were not supportive of a N&L relationship and/or didn’t know about it and participated thinking it would be a good move for his image to be seen as dating A or separate professionally from N.

L still has professional/personal commitments with A and his friend group, which he carried out, but he was anxious and miserable the whole time. I think the Spain trip was part of this/before Sorrento. I hope at some point he told A and his friends the truth, but an NDA may have needed to be involved to keep her and the friend group from going scorched earth and spilling all of the tea. At some point, maybe Italy, L susses out who has been violating his privacy and severs some ties/comes clean/runs home to Nic.

I assume at some point he told his family but that it is still very under wraps and only a small circle knows the truth. Going back to that anon, some people (extended family) may still not know the truth and be very confused and judgemental about what they are seeing in the media (N&JD relationship speculation, N appearing to run around with a younger man after rejecting L).

August: Chaos week, bless the telephone, Drink Your Milk pic. I think they reunited and L was staying with N while A found other housing arrangements (she was either living with L previously or staying there was he was on tour and he had to deal with that.

Talk Talk while flashing the ring…

Sometime this fall, I believe they got married and it was very small and intimate. Rings changed hands, she put one on his finger too, and they’ve been quietly staying out of the public eye. He’s been supporting her from behind the scenes and being her Ken while deciding what is next for him professionally (musical theatre?). They’ve started filming for season 3 as Polin and are emotional about all that has transpired since the end of S3 filming (tears in their eyes in the S4 Polin pic) or perhaps about what they are filming or what is next for them and taking some time to enjoy their marriage privately before sharing it with the rest of the world.

That’s my version of this friends to lovers story based on the crumbs we’ve received, and as Luke would say “it seems appropriate.”

No notes.

What do you guys think?

Edit: after re-reading this anon really has me 👀

Edit after the edit: there is mention of family in this post - I don’t want to see anything negative about them in the discussion. Negative comments will be deleted and I will not accept asks speaking specifically about them.

Their families are not part of this ship.

[shall-we-die]

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{Quality}

What is their most dangerous/toxic attitude?

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↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Obey me!}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {Angst}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰ ────┈┈{0066}┈─╮

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╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

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↬|Lucifer|

Lucifer's most dangerous/toxic behaviour would be how he deals with strong feelings of intense jealousy towards any of MC's interactions with other demon brothers. While he keeps his jealousy hidden under a confident and controlled demeanour, he has a tendency to subtly undermine their relationships with the other brothers, leading to strained dynamics within the group. He justifies this behaviour to himself as a means of "protecting" MC, but in reality, it stems from his own insecurity and deep-rooted fear of abandonment. Despite his intentions, this behaviour ends up creating more problems than solutions, leaving a trail of tension and discord in its wake.

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↬|Mammon|

As the Avatar of Greed, Mammon's most dangerous and toxic behavior is his limitless greed and desire to be richer at any cost. This leads him to engage in unscrupulous and manipulative behavior to accumulate money, power, and possessions, manipulating others and destroying relationships in the process. However, it is important to note that behind Mammon's sinister actions are deep-seated insecurities and abandonment issues that stem from his experiences in his past. At his core, Mammon is a complex character that hides a fragile side.

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↬|Leviathan|

Well, you see, Leviathan is a total otaku and a bit of a social misfit. Sometimes, when he's really really upset, he can get pretty aggressive and say some pretty cruel things. He can also get quite obsessive when he's passionate about something like a game or an anime. And let me tell you, he will *not* take any criticism about his favorite anime lightly! He can get pretty nasty when someone attacks his favorite characters. Just watch out when he starts making angry grunts and his tail starts lashing around.

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↬|Satan|

His most dangerous toxicity trait is probably his lack of empathy. He enjoys seeing others suffer. He takes ake pleasure in pain, which is why he often provoke others to fight. This has led to many dangerous situations.

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↬|Asmodeus|

There's a bunch of bad behavior with Asmodeus, considering his Avatar status. His most toxic behaviour being: that he tends to be quite possessive of those he loves and cares about, often being quite clingy and can sometimes get jealous whenever your attention is not focused on him. Although it is just how he is sometimes, it can get very tiring at times whenever you just want some space to yourself...

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↬|Beelzebub|

Beel's most dangerous behavior is his excessive gluttony. His addiction to food makes him careless and willing to do almost anything for the sake of satisfying his hunger. He can go to great lengths to obtain food, even resorting to stealing or harming others in the process. Ultimately, Beel's dangerous behavior stems from his inability to control his impulses and desires. It can cause harm not only to himself but also to those around him.

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↬|Belphegor|

Hmm... His most dangerous and toxic behavior is undoubtedly his tendency to push people away and to be extremely closed off emotionally and physically. If you tried to talk to him or get closer to him, he would push you away and shut down completely, making it impossible to get through to him. It's a defense mechanism he has developed to protect himself but it only ends up hurting others.

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↬|Diavolo|

His tendency to underestimate others and act over-confident, leading to risky situations. His impulsiveness and tendency to make quick decisions without consulting his council, which could have serious consequences for the Devildom. His lack of empathy and care for the feelings of others, which has caused strained relationships with some of the other demon brothers.

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↬|Barbatos|

The most dangerous/toxic behavior of Barbatos is likely his tendency to conceal information. As the Devildom's butler and advisor to its ruler, Barbatos possesses vast knowledge and a deep understanding of the realms and their inhabitants. However, his strategic nature may lead him to withhold crucial information from the MC, to protect them or keep them in the dark. This can create a lack of trust and understanding between them, which can become problematic and potentially harmful.

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↬|Simeon|

One of his most dangerous and toxic behaviors is his tendency to place the needs and desires of others above his own. He often puts himself in positions where he sacrifices his own well-being and happiness for the sake of others. This leads to exhaustion and burnout, as he consistently neglects his own needs and feelings in order to help or please others. Over time, this behavior can cause him to feel resentment and bitterness towards the people he helps, creating a toxic cycle that negatively affects both parties.

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↬|Solomon|

His most dangerous and toxic behavior has to be his tendency to prioritize his own interests and goals above all else. He believes that the ends justify the means and have no qualms about using any method necessary to achieve his objectives. This often leads him to use people as mere pawns or tools to further his goals, without any consideration for their well-being or feelings. He may even use manipulation or deception to get what he wants. Ultimately, his self-serving nature can lead to dangerous and toxic outcomes for those around him.

||[🅀uality]||

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     ⇆ㅤㅤ◁🄿ㅤㅤ❚❚ㅤㅤ🅁▷ㅤㅤ↻

[artsyunderstudy]

Six Sentence Sunday

Hi lovelies. I kinda overshared when I started writing this post so I'm sticking it below the cut in case that's just not something you have the ability or desire to engage with right now.

Here is a little excerpt from Monsters. I am such a sucker for friends to lovers, these sweet boys are so precious to me. They're about 14 in this scene.

Baz's eyes are narrow, all his focus on the task as if he’s trying to keep his gaze from meeting mine. Each motion is sharp and deliberate as a knife. His brow is so low. He seems … angry.  I reach out and touch his cheek, almost like his mother did earlier. I keep it very light. Just enough to nudge his chin up; just so he’ll look at me. When he does, his sharply furrowed brow melts into something with curves. His eyes are too wide, and I recognise that look. It’s the same as the one he gave the injured rabbit years ago. The one he couldn’t help. “What’s next?” I ask, instead of, “What’s wrong?”

The rest below the cut.

So I've kind of vaguely mentioned this a few times, but I've been having a lot of mental health problems the past few months. I think it's partially burn-out. Whenever people would ask me how I got things done so fast, I'd say "well, i dont sleep" and then follow up with "also i'm probably going to crash out at some point."

Both are true. The crash happened.

I'm also just, terrible dealing with being perceived, if that makes sense. I LOVE fandom, I love getting to connect with people through art and writing, I love getting good feedback. I make things partially for the connection of it all. I write with the anticipation of connection (Not that I'm only doing things for the benefit of other people, but I write things I want to talk about with other people.)

All that said, despite loving that connection I'm deeply insecure, and struggle with being around people in general. I worry constantly about how I'm coming off, I worry if what I'm making is okay, if it's good enough, if it's upsetting, if it reveals something bad about me. I worry about fucking up and embarrassing myself or worse, and so getting attention can sometimes feel like a double edged sword.

So I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can both make the art I love to make, and share it in a way that makes me happy, ya know? And it's a balance, and I still don't know what the answer is. But I figured I'd let ya'll know that fandom right now is just, complicated for me. And I feel kind of terrible for my inability to consistently engage with other people's art the way I want to. It's all just kind of muddled up together. The perceiving, the being perceived.

I keep thinking I'm okay, but then Friday night, I realized I’m really, really not when something small sent me spiraling into a very public panic attack.

But I want to end by saying this: the people who reach out to me, confide in me, and connect with me have been such a balm. It’s easy for me to believe I have nothing positive to bring to the table, but so many of you pull me back from that place—probably in ways you don’t even realize. You soothe some of the chaos in my head right now. So thank you.

Tags and hellos <3

@stitchyqueer @rimeswithpurple @imagineacoolusername @ileadacharmedlife @aristocratic-otter @letraspal @whatevertheweather @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @raenestee @shrekgogurt @prettygoododds @brilla-brilla-estrellita @ivelovedhimthroughworse @martsonmars @c0nsumemy5oul @facewithoutheart @j-nipper-95 @alexalexinii @iamamythologicalcreature @supercutedinosaurs @best--dress @messofthejess @mooncello @orange-peony @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @youarenevertooold @that-disabled-princess @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @blackberrysummerblog @nausikaaa @thewholelemon @cutestkilla @emeryhall @hushed-chorus @forabeatofadrum @roomwithanopenfire @noblecorgi @monbons @run-for-chamo-miles @skeedelvee @valeffelees @ic3que3n @drowninginships @talentpiper11 @fiend-for-culture @leithillustration

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

i'm really just sending this in to get a look at the responses and see if there are a few lurkers who agree with me or if i just shouldn't even try to engage with this fandom much longer (at least in the more "controversial" spaces)

i understand that it's partly because this fandom skews younger than others i've been a part of. many of the people interacting with it are kids, and im not really talking about them. but, looking at the older teens and adults, i want to take a moment to complain, really, that this community is maybe the most 'scared of being wrong' community ive ever been in. everyone in this fandom, it seems, is absolutely terrified of having a take that might be seen as weird or off-putting or, god forbid, problematic. and it isn't just for themselves! people in this fandom will turn that same insecurity on other people, like they're trying to keep some kind of Moral Purity. it's kind of weird, honestly.

this is the worst in shipping, to no one's surprise. honestly guys, in any other fandom, starflight x sunny would not be seen as a "problematic" ship. but ive seen actual people with their whole chests claim that it's "basically incest" (1. it's not, and 2. who cares, but you guys aren't ready for that conversation). you cant even mention glorybringer without someone chiming in with "erm sorry but that's canon pedophilia since the author made an age calculation mistake once :/ and you dont like pedophilia right? right?" not to even mention some of the more nuanced examples. it's a little obnoxious. if you guys saw the popular ships in other fandoms you'd puke. (obviously it's ok to not like a ship, but it's not ok to ascribe morality to someone over their preferences.)

this is apparent in the whole fandom though. honestly this blog has given some pretty good examples. people *love* any chance they can get to see an anon confession and get to spam in the notes how gross and problematic they are. it's a weird virtue signaling thing. again, it's all about that moral purity.

i'm not saying anyone can just say anything without backlash. there have been confessions here that are genuinely bad takes. and obviously it's all a matter of opinion and people can comment whatever they want. but as someone who's been in messy fandoms for all my life, it's just kind of odd to me to see how torn up you guys are about things that honestly don't matter and aren't your business. maybe it's the proshipper in me but sometimes you just need to step back and say 'this is a fictional book series about dragons'

sorry to be so negative. i promise, there are things in this community i absolutely love!! but this has been getting on my nerves more and more as time goes on. i want to see who's on my side, basically, and who's about to call me a groomer or some shit.

.

[ilikekidsshows]

Honestly I stopped giving ML the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things that say like "oh the execs wanted to change this or they had to add Adrien because of marketing reasons" or whatever other bullshit I see trying to defend the show from a production standpoint. It's like, okay then? Other writers for much, much shorter shows (especially ones that have been cut short cause higher ups said fuck you) managed to do so much better in the time that they had and the constraints that they were given.

TA is also like "oh my show is more popular than Pokemon" and "it was planned all along" and "we've given all the hints in the episode you just have to look" so why shouldn't I judge his work based on what is presented in the show and not in the background irl? If it was "planned all along" then your planning sucks. If I have to look through the retcon riddled episodes to find this supposed hint that is only "confirmed" via a twitter post then it's shit writing. If the studio is asking you to do things then find a creative way to make it good, connected to the plot, and enjoyable to watch like all the other childrens' tv show writers did, otherwise you're a shit writer.

---

Very good point. I’m not buying the excuses Tommy the Clown is trying to feed people because his inconsistency makes it obvious he’s just lying to make himself look good, but, even if this was all true, he and his team would suck as writers for not getting the limits to work for them at all. As I said, the team behind Digimon Tamers had possibly the most restrictions of any Digimon writing team and managed to create such a good series that it's considered the best of Digimon by parts of the fandom. Tommy the Clown lies about everything.

He’s also constantly whining about what other people are making, despite also whining about how no one should be allowed to criticize him. He whines about being compared to the best selling media franchise in the world, how it doesn’t matter if Miraculous is more popular than Pokémon, when he also called Pokémon “dog fights” because someone dared to ask him what kinds of Pokémon the characters would use. Like, he was the one who started it. It’s so obvious he’s just jealous of Pokémon, or any other movie or show, because why else does he constantly need to bring up other stuff other people have made? It’s so pathetically insecure.

Speaking of Pokémon, Pokéani actually ended, like, almost two years ago, and, like, Ash did it, he’s finally the Pokémon master and everything, there was no cop out of someone else handing him the title like Marinette was just handed a relationship with Adrien, and there was no last minute whiff on the finish line where Ash gives up in the middle of fighting the final boss. In comparison to possibly the worst-received season of Pokémon, where Ash still actually accomplishes his main goal in the series, what has Marinette actually accomplished?

These writers can’t even properly write the character they supposedly love and the executives adore. Marinette is supposed to be a great, aspiring fashion designer with a passion for fighting games but how often does she engage in these activities instead of obsessing over Adrien in some way? How often does she engage in any activities without it being some means of getting with or spending time with Adrien? With such a pathetic showing of character utility for their main character, of course they couldn’t work with a character they are utterly unmotivated to utilize.

Miraculous is the laziest show I've ever had the misfortune of fixating on. Even I have more passion for what this show could achieve than the people whose literal brain child it is, even after all my affection for it has turned into resentment.

[ceilidho]

how do you get so many likes and support with asks and comments? I want to give up on writing but don't and want to push through it. Luv your writing

sorry this is gonna be long but

brutal honest answer to this is by completely divorcing yourself from thinking about that at all because it's a poison and it'll make you hate something that should be fun. i too sometimes get briefly sucked into the "oh no, i thought this would get more likes than it did" but then you have to shake it off and not indulge in that kind of thinking for longer than a split second.

if you let that be the thing driving you, it'll inevitably ruin your love of writing because you'll realize there's no ceiling to your expectations. and there will always be someone with more followers or someone getting attention in that moment that will make you feel insecure/unappreciated. hell, there are plenty of people on cod tumblr that have more followers than i do. and when you hate what you're doing, people can sense it and they stay away. i don't know how to explain it, but i can always tell when someone is forcing themselves to write something.

there are obviously things you can do to get more eyes on your work, like tagging appropriately (this means RELEVANT tags, not spamming a popular tag for no reason), crossing posting (like i use bluesky, twitter, ao3, and tumblr), posting semi frequently, engaging with other writers/creators/fans in an authentic way, etc.

but at the end of the day, you have to find it in yourself to be satisfied if only 30 people liked your fic - and also recontextualize what that means. 30 people is still a lot. and also don't kill yourself along the way. if you only write a fic every 6 months, that's fine.

the secret sauce is basically: a bit of luck (right place + right time; it may not happen in one fandom but may happen in another), hard work, genuine love for the craft even when it's tough, and a real effort to engage with the community and create a place where people want to support you and feel supported by you in turn. that's kind of it imo!!

[olderthannetfic]

I have a fandom friend who isn't shy about sending me her fics in the DMs and asking me to read them (not as in beta reading but as in link to AO3).

The thing is, they're really not up my alley because I'm really finnicky about style and story construction and the like: her fics have a lot of telling and not a lot of showing, there's rarely significant tension or change (which might not bother some but it does bother ME personally as a reader), so there's nothing pushing me to read on, and she usually writes detached scenes from the AUs she has in her head, which feels a bit like someone grabbing me by the pussy with no foreplay. I'm not that familiar with the version of the characters/story from the AU so I'm not attached to those storylines the way she is (again, no buildup of tension that makes the emotional scene hit right).

Basically, I really enjoy talking about The Blorbos with her but every time I have to read something of hers it feels like a chore and I either get bored in two paragraphs or my hand starts itching for a red pen. Sometimes I just put it off and hope she forgets but I feel awful and guilty about it because she clearly cares about her fic (it's just too self-indulgent for me to enjoy it from the outside).

She never asks for feedback, so I think it would be incredibly rude to give unsolicited critique or, like, suggest that I could be a beta reader (with how forward she is she'd have asked already if she wanted it).

How do I address this? I want to keep being on friendly terms with her and I'd be open to reading more from her if she fixed some of the consistent issues with her writing (I think the CONCEPTS she entertains are interesting and cool), but also for me the joy of having a hobby is being able to engage with it on my own terms without having "required reading" and what's going on right now ain't it.

(I'm aware that this will make so many people feel really insecure and paranoid about their own writing/readership and I'm sorry for that :/ I'm sure there are people who do enjoy my friend's fic as is, but I can't help my own preferences or attention span)

--

Does she press you for a reaction? If a friend sends me a link, I often thank them for it but don't actually read. Or maybe I skim it or something but don't actually say much to them about it.

I think it's fine to go "I posted a thing!" with the link and expect a "Wow, you finished that so fast!" or "Congrats on finally finishing that longfic!" or whatever. I think it's unwise to expect one's friends to read all of one's work, to like one's work, and to give praise. That way lies disappointment and awkward feelings on both sides.

[borzoilover69]

do you have any posts that kinda expand on jake as a character? i want to like him in theory, but i just dont Get him, you know? its kinda like that with me for all the alphas but its the most for jake.

Oh my gosh yes!! Yes i do!! Heres some i recommend rather than me typing at length points more articulately said before or by someone else. Please please PLEAAASE message me again after you’ve read some of these and tell me if your opinions changed and what you think you get abt him!!

Jake English writing guide - expansion on his mannerisms. : a rhetoric of shit hes said that made me side eye him.

Jake english: a fandom analysis : long discussion i had with two friends abt jake

Facade, dirk and jake: small but to the point

Jake english is a jackass, not an infant.

Why tony artreactor likes jake

Harlenglishes: “when you fuck up its ok! if i fuck up its the worst thing in the entire world.”

Not required but recommended:

His ass was not being serious with these comments man. : the caliborn jake convo is my fave out of these.

Alpha kids and why i like them : personal opinion alert

Other than that i asked my friend @tipsygnostalgy their opinion on jake and they gave these wise words (roughly paraphrased)

“for me jakes appeal is fundamentally about whether humanity can overcome their own insecurities in terms of engagement with others and grow to accept true love in this essay ill be pushing him into the neongenesisangelion shinji ikari role and analyzing him thr—

Kidding, but listen. The first sentence is the crux of it. He constructs personas (believing in himself but the facade version of it) and relies on hope ketamine (believing in others) because its easier to do than to confronting the reality that he doesnt know who he is or whether he likes that person at all. This doesnt mean he lacks a self; he cant fully break but he cant fully give either. he exists in this weird limbo state where he chooses neither to be completely passive (actually letting someone walk all over him) nor completely active (refusing it outright) demonstrated best by the way in which he "breaks up" with dirk i.e. he doesnt.

He doesnt like the status quo but also doesnt believe in himself to fix it proper and i think that signifies how a lot of people make decisions when youre in this weird passive middle area. the world fucking sucks but what can you do about it, youre just one guy. No business knowing how to do that. On the other hand the way he plays people should be studied.

the jane crocker patented question of "Does he know?" is what he asks himself every night and its so utterly interesting that hes not sure of the answer”

[fandomapcthoughts]

Y'all dumbass twitter puriteens are funny as shit, thinking we're out to harm or offend minors in any way. We don't want to engage underage folks so badly that our private Discord server has a whole policy about vetting any new invite so we're ENTIRELY SURE they're over 18, and our adult channels are double locked with both the regular 18+ restriction AND an opt-in nsfw role. And out in the public fandom we're all really good about tagging works so that only the people looking for them will see them. If you don't know how to use the block and filter functions maybe you're too young or immature for online fandom, just saying. Quit moralizing your damn opinions and I'm sorry you're so insecure that you have to constantly virtue signal about your preferences in fiction 🙄🙄 Why don't you just learn how to enjoy yourselves already

[bluedandylyon]

What the She-Ra fandom gave me

If She-Ra saved my life, its fandom helped me revitalize it. And I wanted to write a little bit about it for the appreciation week <3

I had always wanted to be a part of fandom. I've had intense feelings about the narratives that I love since I could remember, and being an only child with somewhat of an absent mom, I grew up on the internet. I had a deviantart with my OCs for this dog anime I was obsessed with, I would shove my favorite animes in the face of all my IRL friends and I regularly doodled Link in class. I religiously read "The Fangirl's guide to the galaxy" by Sam Maggs when I was younger and just wanted so badly to become a part of that community, of being around a group of people who loved what I loved as proudly and intensely as I did.

As I grew up, I started to shove that intensity down when it was clear it was not acceptable. My insecurity regarding my art, and my passions made me feel like I was constantly on the outside looking in, in online spaces. I saw everybody having so much fun, having mutuals and reblogging each other, and I felt such an intense pang of longing everytime I did. I felt like if I tried to come out of my shell, I would get ignored and nobody would care, so I just lurked in silence and that was that.

But then last year my life did a 180 and I was in a place where I could rest and think about what I really wanted for the first time in six years. I rewatched the show with one of my friends and we started collabing on a fic, and I realized I no longer wanted to stay silent. For the first time since I was a kid, the excitement outweighed the fear of not being accepted.

So when I came across a post by the Spop Creative Flex, I was finally ready to take the plunge.

And it was one of the best decisions of my life.

It was everything I had ever wanted. I didn't need to hold back, cuz here were 200 people as unhinged about this show as I was. When I was like "here's a four page analysis on a 30 second scene" they didn't look at me weird, they ADDED TO IT! I became part of this beautiful creative, self-sustaining ecosystem in which writers would inspire artists to create art, which in turn would inspire more creations.

This is a little love letter to some of those awesome ppl who have really touched me <3

@diaspro-back-here and I started the Etherian Encyclopedia for the server, a collection of essays, lore and analyses. @thornsamigurumi, @solarisquid and I took over the server with the pookalution, a period of time where we became unhealthily obsessed with pookas and we all changed our usernames and it was just a crazy fun time. I've stayed up long after a healthy bedtime screaming with @aprillikesthings over minute details in the show and slow-burn angsty fics (which we love and hate at the same time), made an incredible art sibling in @isleoflesbosresident (and constantly makes me die laughing), experienced the joy of collaboration with my incredible beta readers, @tonakuma and @snarkyassholeenthusiast , whose love and support I appreciate and goes beyond this fandom. I even accidentally started a mini MascCatrathon and it was great.

The point is that this community quickly became a pillar for me. Not only emotionally, but creatively. I was just moving states when I joined, and it helped so much through the initial isolation. I've made so many amazing friends due to it, and even met my sweet partner @catras-breakup-song there, falling in love through hot Catra edits and analyses.

I'm finally engaging with my passions consistently again. I'm writing, and editing, and analyzing and drawing. Things I never thought I would do consistently ever.

Like I just don't even have words anymore to express just how many things this show and its community has given me, it's honestly insane <3