#it's a good monologue though i can do a lot of emoting with it

[piedoesnotequalpi]

I feel like I need to extend a formal apology to any neighbors who have overheard me practicing for my Tempest audition

[ramp-it-up]

Cassandra’s Muse

Summary: Your job is to distract and read all who dare to go against Cassandra. And you take pride in your work

Word count: 2.5 K

Pairing: Deadpool x Reader; Wolverine x Reader; Johnny Storm x Reader; Deadpool x Wolverine x Johnny Storm x Empath Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. S MUT Not Beta’d. DEADPOOL X WOLVERINE SPOILERS AHEAD of this line!Read at your own risk. S MUT! Morally Grey reader, sex worker reader, reader is an empath, lots of dark emotions, group sex, oral (m & f receiving) pansexual touch and intentions (it's Deadpool, folks) explicit sex acts, raw p in v (wrap it up), anal sex (f receiving) rough sex, dvp, squirting, copius amounts of cum, bukakke, after care. Reader has pet names from each hero: Sweets, Sweetie, Sweetheart.

A/N: Ok. I had to do it. If you inspired this, you know who you are, you menace. 😘 This occurs within an imagined scene between the scene where Pyro captures Johnny, Wade and Logan and when they were delivered to Cassandra Nova. This is pure filth. Let me know you like it by liking, commenting and reblogging!

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

————

“Let me put your hair up for you. So pretty.”

Wade Wilson cooed down at you to the music of his shackles clinking as he gently pulled your cloud of hair up and out of the way. 

“Need to have a clear view of you hoovering that anaconda.”

Your lips were stretched around Johnny Storm’s thick, tan cock as his blue eyes stared down at you and a steam of eloquent pornography flowed from his lips.

“Mm. That throat is so gatdamn tight Sweetheart. Can’t wait to fuck that tight little wet gash of yours. Holy shit, that’s good. I know you can take it deeper. I know you can. Such a sweet little innocent slut for us.”

He had no idea. You were in service to Cassandra. She called you her muse, a tool to service her future victims so that when she felt their minds up, she had something more to get off on. You were her little slut, her psychic empath who fed off of other’s joy and you loved your job.

Giving others joy got you off something fierce. The fact that Cassandra loved it and that kept you alive was an added bonus.

Johnny’s hand snaked around the back of your neck to encourage you to take more of him. You looked up at him, eyes wide with tears streaming down your cheeks, while saliva escaped from your stretched-out lips.

“So pretty for us like this, Sweetie.”

Wade’s mask almost seemed to be emotive as he looked down on you, his long fingers fisting his cock with increasing speed as he watched you take Johnny down. It was disconcerting that he was completely naked except for his mask, but that was none of your business. He was sincere, despite the sarcastic monologue.

“I’ve always wanted to say that in real life and not just in my 1D/Destial crossover fanfics on Tumblr. Username is MrsLarryDestiel (no spaces) if you want to follow.”

Wade was leaning over to Johnny, who had steam rising from his head as he gazed down at you with devotion. You felt his amusement at this entire scenario. You tried to smile back around him, even though you knew his affection was only due to your skill.

After all, you’d just met him less than an hour earlier. 

“Get your hand off my ass before I burn it off, Wade.”

“Was just trying to help you push it in her tiny little mouth. Wasn’t trying to cop a feel of what looks a lot like America’s Ass, not really,” quipped Wade who was stroking and looking down at Johnny’s derriere.

Before anyone got injured, you pulled off of the hot one’s dick and licked Wade’s thick plum shaped tip.

“Sssss. Ahhhh, yes!”

 Wade groaned and threw his head back.

 “Suck that dick like your life depends on it, Sweetie. It may be our very last night on earth. I mean, in the void.”

You sensed no fear in Wade, only irreverence.

You followed his direction and opened wide as he slid his long, thick, Deadpool dick along your outstretched tongue. Wade was still talking, of course, even as he made eyes at Logan, who was lurking on the edges of the light, pulling on his dick with two hands and making low, almost indiscernible grunts. 

Now there were about a thousand different emotions coming off him, irritation, rage, despair, grief, a deep sadness, and foremost right now, need and frustration. You tried to watch him through your tear-filled eyes.

Wade and Johnny took turns with your mouth as Logan just moved nearer, his large, impressive cock raging against those impossible abs. His stare, and his body, made you drip even more in the dirt floor of the cave they were captive in for the night.

You needed him inside you, to at least extinguish his need. But yours was growing too.

“Why don’t you relax over there while we get her ready, Mr. Grumpy Pants. Little Miss Triple Threat looks like she’s almost ready to take three cocks at once in all of her holes.”

The Wolverine grunted, but went to a spot just a few feet away and reclined against a cave wall as he continued to handle himself.

Wade looked down at you and stroked your hair again, stage whispering to you as you deep throated Johnny’s cock down your throat.

“I know he seems like a party pooper and not down for this at all, but the fact that his beautiful meat is hard and leaking precum, which is delicious, bee tee dubs, oh, AND HE'S NAKED, means he definitely is.”

You smiled around the dick in your mouth and nodded as you pulled off Johnny, a string of saliva connecting you three as Wade grabbed you by the hair and plunged down your throat, barely giving you time to take a breath.

As you choked, you could see Logan jacking off faster from the corner of your eye as you swallowed Wade whole. Even with the mask, you could tell when his eyes rolled back into his head as you took every single inch.

“Get over here and sit on my dick.”

You were surprised at Logan’s voice, not having heard much of it during his ride in the cage, except to tell Wade and Johnny to shut up. Currently, his tone was more intense and raspy with desire.

You did as you were told and the action moved from the fireside to where Logan was reclining. 

“Move the fuck around, asshole.”

Wade stomped his foot.

“That’s what I’m trying to give you, Wolvie, baby.”

But he moved from in front of you so that you could take your throne.

“C’mere.” 

Logan reached up for you, the tender gesture a contrast for the crude situation you are in: fucking these men because it was the last night of their lives, which it almost surely was. You knew when Pyro let you into the cave halfway to her lair where they stopped for the night that no one escaped Cassandra.

You almost felt sorry for them. But when you read their emotions, you sensed no fear in these heroes. Only a myriad of other things including pent up tension, stress and desire for you. And for freedom. Or at least the sensation of being free.

Fucking all three of them would free your own soul, if only for the short time you would spend with them. They were all fine, and they looked like they would be a good time. If they only knew that your purpose was distraction, to keep them busy and not trying to escape.

If you searched their emotions hard enough you might find that they knew what you were about, and that they didn't care.

You accepted the offer of Logan’s hands and settled on his muscular thighs, glancing at the other men stroking themselves by firelight to the sight of you stretching yourself around the thick head of Logan Howlett, the Wolverine’s, cock.

Their attention only made you wetter and you slid further down Logan’s thick staff than you thought you could. When Johnny and Wade each grabbed a nipple as you whined and got even slicker the sensations allowed you to encase that extra inch at the base of him.

You were so full, not having been stretched like this in a while with a human, visually pleasing partner in a long time. You moaned in pleasure and closed your eyes, biting your lip at the delicious sting of taking him.

Logan looked up into your eyes and then commanded you with that deep, sexy voice.

“Open your eyes, look at us, and bounce on this cock Sweets.”

The smack on your ass spurred you on as Johnny leaned against the wall, watching your tits bounce as he jacked himself, and Wade got behind you, straddling Logan's thighs and rubbing them. You thought you knew what was coming next as you felt Wade’s hot breath on your shoulder as his hard length slid through your slick folds. But you were surprised as he entered you, although not in the hole you expected.

Within a few seconds, Wade was nestled deep within your cunt, cock alongside Logan’s in your snug sleeve, making you mad with pleasure. An obscene groan from you accompanied Logan’s warning to Deadpool.

“Watch it fuck face.”

Loan’s voice was husky, and there was a glimmer of a smirk as he grasped your breasts, roughly pulling on your nipples. Fear of his claws coming out and injuring you caused the contractions of pleasure in your belly to quicken, even as Wade sassed him back.

“You can fuck my face later buddy. Right now, let’s both concentrate on fucking this beautiful, nice, accommodating lady’s beautiful, nice accommodating cunt..”

The two men fell into an oddly synchronistic, sinful rhythm, both of them filling you to the brim in the best way possible, sexy groans finally replacing the smart words coming from Wade and literal grunts and groans coming from Logan.

Johnny moved, filling your mouth and causing your moans to vibrate around his shaft as Logan and Wade fucked you stupid.

“Holy fuck!”

Johnny rasped as you started sucking his balls, your legs shaking as Logan and Wade pounded you into oblivion. You feel a tremendous pressure and you tried to run from what was coming, but Wade’s fingers were circling your clit and Logan’s hands are around your waist, his mouth latched onto your left nipple. That and the feeling of Johnny’s fingers massaging your scalp collided to make your impending doom come much more quickly.

You pulled off of Johnny's unit to scream.

“Oh shit, oh shit, ohhhhhh shitttttt, I- I- I- I’m cummingggg!”

“Holy shit, she's gushing like Old Faithful all around us!”

You soaked Logan as you squirted, seemingly never endingly, all over. everywhere. Wade slipped out of you and so did Logan, but instead of giving someone else a turn with your pussy, Logan growled in your hair and pitched you forward onto his chest with his hands underneath your thighs. 

“Want that ass.”

You clenched around nothing as Logan lifted you up and squeezed your ass cheek in order to give his hard, thick cock access to your puckered hole. You were so wet that he kept slipping around until you felt Wade reach in and grab Logan’s dick, pumping it a couple of times before guiding it home inside your tight ass.

You saw the sneer, and you heard the ‘schnick’ of Logan’s claws coming out and Wade’s giggle as he explained. 

“Just trying to help with the mission, Boss.”

You didn’t care about any of it as your head lolled back on your shoulders because Logan was filling you up deliciously.

Wade retreated and pulled his mask up to lick his fingers. He and Johnny resumed stroking as they watched Logan pounding you mercilessly from below, your cum making it embarrassingly easy. You locked eyes with him, and grabbed the tufts on top of his hair for purchase as you screamed and came again, just from his cock in your ass.

"Ahhhhh! Shittttt!"

“Mmmmnhhh! Incoming, Sweets”

Logan’s cum spurted inside you and began to leak out around his cock, making you even messier than before.

“Ugh. Fuck. So good.” 

He kissed your forehead as he softened inside you, then lifted your thigh to slide out from underneath you. You braced yourself on the wall as you tried to catch your breath and savored the feeling of him dripping down your legs and the peace, if only momentary, emanating from his soul. You didn’t realize that your eyes were closed until you felt  a new desperation accompanied by a hand on your arm and two hands on your ass. 

“Don’t usually go for sloppy seconds, but I’ll take it tonight.”

Johnny’s sparkling blue eyes and sincerity held you captive. His tender kiss on your lips distracted you as you felt Wade’s hands on your ass and you lowered yourself down around Johnny’s long cock.

Johnny slipped easily inside you because Wade and Logan had stretched you out, but he was so hot, literally, that you quickly clenched down on him. Your hands caressed his shoulders and trailed down his sternum and his happy trail to where you were connected. 

The way he looked at you from under his long eyelashes made you want to give him a show. You bit your lip and circled your clit, earning a groan and an appreciative stare from him as you started to ride. 

You sensed a sudden a wave of mischievousness from Wade and felt his tongue in our ass. He moaned, sending vibrations up your spine as he caused you to clench around his wet muscle and Johnny’s cock. He slurped you up, and pulled away momentarily to come up and whisper in your ear.

“Mmmm. You and Logan taste so good. You’re doing amazing, Sweetie.

He was down again and licking you clean, causing irritation to emanate from Johnny.

“I’m tryna cum, here, Wilson. Stop licking my balls, you jerkoff.”

Wade came up and wiped his mouth.

“So sorry, that was a total mistake. Didn’t mean to touch your huge, full, sexy balls with my velvet tongue. Not at all, Johnny.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m trying to concentrate on this Sweetheart right. Here.”

Johnny kicked Wade away, stroked upward to make you moan, and then grabbed you by the neck as he flipped you over onto your back, grasping your thighs and folded you in half like a pretzel. 

“You ready to take this hot cock?”

You nodded enthusiastically as Johnny Storm began to fuck you relentlessly, his long cock reaching that magic spot inside you as you tightened around him, much to your chagrin.

It was going to be over too soon. You wanted him to use you longer.

“Mmmmph, Darlin’ I feel you, still so tight around me even after these two knuckle heads fucked your cunt silly. Should be loose, but damn, girl. C’mon. Cum for me like you did for Wolverine and Wade. Gimme that shit.”

Johnny reached down and strummed your clit, as Wade came and held your legs in place, his oddly beautiful cock hard against his abdomen. You stretched your neck and teabagged him, earning a choked, garbled moan, and no words from him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Logan standing over you and stroking his hard-for-you-again dick.

“Shit, shit, sheeeeiiittttttttt this pussy is so good. Fuck!”

Johnny pulled out and stood over your body as you scrambled up on your knees to open your mouth for your reward. The men gathered around you as first Johnny spurted white, hot cum all over your face, then Logan jerked on your tits, rubbing his bulbous tip all over your nipples, and Wade just sprayed everywhere as he watched the show.

You collapsed on your knees, wiping your face as strong arms lifted you up and took you to the other side of the cave and started washing you off with a bucket of water that had been warming by the fire. You looked up into Logan’s eyes and he avoided your gaze, concentrating on getting the cum out of your hair.

“You can rest now. We’ll cook up this bird that Pyro threw in here for food and you can sleep for a while.”

You sensed genuine tenderness, and another spark of a future need within him. You knew that they would wake you up for more than food later.

And you were more than okay with that. 

So you just smiled at him as his hand trailed the water down your body, this moment a respite for all of you, in the chaos of Cassandra’s world.

——

If you liked it, hit Reblog!

[koolades-world]

not sure if u've wrote Abt this already, but could u write about the om cast with an insecure mc? been feeling really insecure lately, so i just need this😭 it's okay if u don't do it tho:>

hi! of course :)

not sure if i've already done this? if i have, well, we have two now haha. hope you're feeling better now and that this might help!!

enjoy <3

Insecure Mc

Lucifer

at first, he tries to reassure you with your achievements and what good you've done for the devildom

after he thinks about it some more, he lets you in on his inner monologue

he tells you how you've affected him personally

you softened him and changed him for the better, which everyone around him agrees with. he really does care about you and wants you to know

Mammon

he's your personal hypeman!

once he hears that you're feeling insecure, he'll surround you with all of the positivity he can give you

you are enough, you are loved, and you are perfect. you're his human after all, he wouldn't have things any other way

he promises the next day, you'll do some shopping, on him of course so you can get that expensive bag you've been eyeing for a while

Levi

oh he’s had his fair share of insecurities and he knows how awful it can feel

so, he’s determined to make you feel better!

of course he tries your favorites shows and games, and while he can see you visibly perk up, he knows you still might be feeling a little down

he tells you how grateful he is for you, that it's ok to feel insecure, and that he hopes he helped even a little

Satan

after you confess this to him, he doesn't hesitate to tell you what you mean to him

he knows that it's normal, but this is what you'd do for him

he can't leave his partner in crime down in the dumps, not after everything you've done for him

if there's anything you've ever wanted to do, and that means anything, he'll organize it and take you to do it within a week

Asmo

he's quick to try to show you what he finds beautiful about you

this isn't just limited to physically features, he finds all of you beautiful and he'll list it all to you no matter how long it takes

he's blocking off his evening to have a spa day with you!

it's important to him for you to feel beautiful inside and out, so expect lots of cute little kisses to help sweeten the deal

Beel

he's more than happy to be your shoulder to lean on

but even more so, he's your biggest supporter and is always there if you need to talk

after you're done talking, he scoops you up into a huge hug

it's not much, but you can feel all the love and emotions he wanted to convey to you though it <3

Belphie

he really knows what it's like to feel down in the dumps and really going through it

you're a little surprised when he invites you to take a nap with him

when you wake up, there's a nice set up of all your favorite foods and favorite movie

he's there, and since he's not the best at talking, he cuddles with you and peppers you with kisses

[galaxymagitech]

Identity Crisis Thoughts

I read Identity Crisis, which is the 4-comic arc where Tim’s dad goes into a coma and his mom dies. Here are some interesting things I found:

Trivia/Fun Facts

Tim is part of the Sherlock Holmes society, and receives their bulletin. He uses a TV in the Batcave to watch Basil Rathborne’s Sherlock Holmes.

Jack and Janet have a personal secretary named Jeremy that they use as a go-between even when sitting a couple feet away from each other.

Jack and Janet call each other darling when they’re getting along.

Drake Industries does indeed have a policy not to pay ransom for any employee.

The Batcave has a library, which includes a book called “Myriopoda of the World”. The library has a glass ceiling, where you can see the cave and bats—I think Jason would appreciate this.

Tim describes doing electronic detective work as similar to meditating.

Tim appears to have a room/PJs at Wayne Manor.

Characterization Notes

Tim: Tim is able to compartmentalize and focus well, working on a case even as he fears for his parents lives, but still gets angry when the situation is fraught. He’s resentful of Bruce for hiding information and not giving his parents’ case his full attention, and screams at him for a few panels—even punching Jason’s memorial, at which point he abruptly calms down. He is also upset about his parents arguing, and says that if it makes them argue less he wants them to stay away for months. Overall, though, he’s cheerful and friendly, even offering to discuss philosophy with Anarky. He displays a lot of skill with hacking/computers and can catch Anarky despite not being far into his training. Tim looks at Jason’s memorial a lot and aspires to be as good as him.

Jack and Janet Drake: Jack and Janet have a fraught relationship with each other, but do care when the situation gets tough. Jack Drake talks like your typical entitled rich guy. They aren’t the best parents to Tim, but they clearly feel affection, sending him a postcard signed “Love, Mom & Dad”. However, they rarely call him and are often wishy-washy on their return date. When scared they’re going to die, Jack tells Janet, “Think of Tim—how he must be feeling. Poor kid must be worried sick!” Janet pretty much agrees that they took Tim for granted. Bruce is aware of Tim’s parents’ absences, and reassures Tim that they care about him.

Bruce: Overall gives “very loving but emotionally constipated” vibes. He wears his costume and cowl in the Manor to talk to Tim, which Tim views as Bruce not wanting to show his real emotions. Bruce states in his internal monologue that he finds it difficult to “be natural” with Tim due to fear. However, he comforts Tim multiple times, and although he foists him off on Alfred to work on a case, he apologizes later. He offers to take the day off to be with Tim while waiting for news about his parents, and hugs him while delivering bad news. When Tim gets angry about Bruce hiding information, Bruce just tells him to “get it out” and calmly lets him shout. He also smiles at Tim watching Sherlock Holmes in the Batcave instead of being mad at the waste of time.

[zomb-rabbit]

WOOOO LETS GO YAY YAY YAY ^_^ Romantic Alphabet with Tim Wright ? :3

- 🧸

U GOT ITT !!!!!!!

🚬 Romantic alphabet with Tim Wright :)

A = Attention, how much attention do they want in the relationship?

he's not gonna ask for it, and it'll be a little awkward for him to actually be getting attention for the first bit of the relationship- but he LOVVESSSS IITTTTTT this guy swoons so hard when you're lovin on him however you choose to (he might get a little overwhelmed, though, make sure you listen when he tells you it's not the best time !!)

B = Baby, do they want a family? Why/why not?

in Tim's ideal world, the two of you are far away from wherever you are and you live way out in the countryside, with as many kids and/or pets as you want. but, for right now, he'd much rather keep it just the two of you with a pet or two- he doesn't want to put anyone in any more danger than he already feels like he has.

C = Cuddle, do they like to cuddle and show affection? How?

OOOOOO BUDDYYYYY he's a very very shy snuggle bug. most days you'll have to initiate things- lay your head on his shoulder, hold onto his arm, lay down in his lap- and it almost always ends in a nap when you're further along in your relationship. he'll pull you into his lap or grab your thighs to get you straddled over him when the two of you are going to bed, though :))

D = Dates, what are dates with them like? What do they like to do? 

he's not the biggest formal date guy, as much as he'd like to be. he does like to take you to a drive in movie every now and then, but most of y'all's dating life is centered around late night drives, quiet walks through the woods together, or really anything to do with enjoying each others presence. if you hint hint wink wink at him about wanting to go somewhere or do something specific, though, he'll do his best.

E = Equal, do they prefer to be more dominant or submissive in the relationship?

he's an old fashioned (and paranoid) guy !! he wants to be the one to drive you around, do the heavy lifting, pay for everything- let this man spoil you rotten while you sit pretty

F = Fights, how do they handle arguments? How quick are they to forgive?

fights with Tim usually are the result of one or both of you bottling up emotions for too long. when you guys have a serious fight, he knows himself and he knows he needs some time alone for a little while- nothing extreme, just enough time to get himself calm and levelheaded. forgiveness for him comes relatively easy depending on what it was about- you thought he was mad at you because he was a little quieter or cold for a few days? he gets why you'd think that, he'll try and make sure you know what's up with him next time. you were caught going through his personal belongings/phone because you were looking for something you might not like? you're gonna be shit outta luck for a while. his privacy means a lot to him, invading it is never a good idea for either of you

G = Gratitude, how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them? 

VERY !! he may not be bubbling over with words of praise for how amazing and wonderful you treat him, but all throughout the day he'll have his chin resting on your shoulder and whispering small praises your way, little kisses when he sees you doing any chores around the house, and if you play your cards right, little monologues to you late at night when he thinks you're asleep

H = Honesty, are they honest with their s/o? How important is it to them in a relationship? 

he's an honest man about most things to you, the only area i can see this being a problem in is his work. he doesn't wanna talk about what he does, why he does it, where he goes- any of it. he wants to keep you and the things that plague the back of his mind separate.

I = Insight, how easy is it for them to read their partner? (Mood, thoughts, etc.)

he'd definitely know if something was up with you, but that doesn't mean he's gonna push on it. you'll get one or two "y'alright?"'s before he drops it. he knows that not every issue is one that needs to be let out, and he does his best to respect that. one of his favorite things though is when he can tell you're excited but you're trying to keep your cool about it, he can't get over how wide your smile is or how you keep shifting your weight on your feet- adorable to him

J = Jealousy, do they get jealous? If so, how easily? How do they deal with it?

quietly jealous. when you're talking to someone that clearly has an interest in you, it's a hand on your hip, massaging your shoulder, pulling you closer. it won't end in violence if they back off, but if it does get there he'll make it fast dwdw <3 usually levelheaded about it though!! just might lead to things later

K = Kiss, what are their kisses like? Who kissed who first?

YOU KISSED HIM !!! he was so nervous about messing it up or making you uncomfortable he ended up just staring at your lips, it was the first time he took you out on a late night drive around town since you two became official and he had walked you up to your front door. his breath caught in his throat, he fiddled with the belt loop on your pants as he held your hips before you pulled him into a kiss with your hands on his cheeks. it completely melted him; his face heating up as he pushed his lips harder into yours, he craved it even as he was getting what he wanted.

L = Love, who said “I love you” first? How often do they say it? When did they realize they were in love?

you told him you loved him and he was this 🤏 close to crying. it reminded him of how starved of it he'd been for so long, and while he didn't cry, he certainly held you close for a long, long time with his face buried in your hair

M = Marriage, do they want to get married? How long do they have to be in the relationship beforehand? What would the marriage be like?

he wants to get married so bad. he wants that ring on your finger, to see you all dressed up, to have the world know you're his- just as soon as you get away from all this, he's popping the question. 

N = Nickname, what are the nicknames they have for their s/o? Do they like when their s/o uses nicknames?

i feel like he would try not to acknowledge it when you use nicknames/petnames with him, but he thinks it's so cute when you do :) i can see him calling you darlin' a lot

O = Open, how long does it take for them to open up to their s/o?

long. long time. there are some things from his past that he just might never talk about, honestly. most of the reason isn't anything to do with you specifically, just that he doesn't wanna relive those moments or uncover something that sparks up new nightmares. the other part is him being scared that despite all of the other things you know about him- his job, what he does, Masky as a whole really- it'll be what's deep down and irreversible inside him that scares you away.

P = PDA, how do they feel about public displays of affection? What kind of PDA do they show?

not the biggest fan of PDA i feel like !! his hand in your back pocket or around your waist isn't uncommon, but i seriously doubt that he'd wanna be swapping spit im front of y'all's friends

Q = Quality Time, what do they like to do for quality time with their s/o?

essentially parallel play 😭 you two don't have to be talking or doing the same thing, as long as you're in the same space he's happy :))

R = Reunion, how do they react after being apart from their s/o? How do they cope when they’re away?

HE HATES IT AND THEN ACTS ALL TOUGH GUY ABOUT IT 🙄🙄 he'll text you pictures of things he sees on the road or bring you snacks on the way home, tell him you missed him and watch his face get all pink it's adorable

S = Sad, how do they cheer their s/o up when they are feeling down? How do they like to be cheered up?

honestly just tell him what you need. space? he's outta your way, just come find him when you need him. physical comfort? he's holding you the whole rest of the night and rubbing circles on your back when you cry into his chest. wanna talk? he's great at listening, especially on the porch over a cig

T = Thrill, do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? 

unless you have something in mind, you're one of the only peaceful things Tim has in his life, and he so desperately needs it to stay that way.

U = Understanding, how well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

usually very !! as long as you're treating him with respect, you'll get it right back at you. he knows that just existing is hard enough as is, he's not looking to stress you out any more.

V = Value, how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?

you mean the world to him !!! deeply madly truly he would do anything for you. you've brought back the light in his life and he hates thinking of what it'd be like if you left.

W = Wild Card, a random relationship headcanon

iiii can't think of anything with the reader, but i can tell you for a FACT him and brian used to mess around in college together

X = Explicit, a NSFW headcanon

he's so embarrassed but he so wants you to take control of him. it'll take a lot of trust, but when you get there?? you could have him however you want him

Y = Your Name, if they did get married to their s/o, who would take whose last name?

i think he'd prefer to have you two share his last name just because it's something he's always dreamed about- but tbh if your last name is just straight up cooler he's down to go either way

Z = Zz, how do they like to sleep with their partner? What time do they like to go to sleep/wake up, ideally?

he's GOTTA be holding you. sometimes he doesn't even fall asleep holding you, but when the two of you wake up he's hot a grip on you. he feels awful if he has to leave in the middle of the night for work or do overnight trips- tries to leave a little note on the nightstand about where he's going and a lil 'Love you'

[googledetective]

my thoughts about the new drdt episode...

I want to start off that this episode has not left me in a great mental state and this piece of fiction is starting to effect my reality in a negative way, currently. I do suffer from mental health issues, so please be sympathetic. If something I say seems too emotional or a bit off, that's likely why. My therapist will be hearing about drdt, lol. No hate towards drdt, it's an amazing project, and I'm amazed at how the piece of fiction is able to make me react in such a way.

1. I am not educated on ASPD or anything like that, so if I say something wrong feel free to correct me. I had a feeling that Levi likely had it from his secret, but this is a cool confirmation. I like that this is represented in a really great way, and that the reactions to his confessions are also very realistic. I like Levi a lot, but now I understand him so much more, and it makes me really appreciate him.

2. I find it interesting how Levi is so detached, as Veronika said, to everything. Even if I was not capable of remorse, I would've remembered killing my own father. I wonder what his father did to be so looked down upon.

2.5. OKAY SO HES KINDA JUST LIKE ME FR. like I stated previously I've had some bad mental health issues in the past to the point I've kicked windshields of cars in and attacked people. It is not my proudest moment, but holy shit I can relate to this a lot. It makes me so good to see someone who's done shit like I've done who's trying to change.

3. Ace really did care about Levi and considered him a friend, which warmed and broke my heart at the same time. I really hope Ace finds another friend, because he deserves to feel some comfort and joy. I hope he learns about Levi's ASPD and realizes Levi has no malicious intent towards him. I find it nice that Ace did really trust and look up to Levi though, it proves him capable of friendship and deeper feelings that people usually overlook. Great complex character.

4. I was shocked that Levi sided with David, but honestly I do too. David is a good person, and we see that later in the ep where he doesn't tell Eden what Arei said.

5. J CALLED OUT HU??? UNEXPECTED. called her a stupid argument moderator. Interesting. I love you J, but watch it.

6. Veronika's secret isn't the worst thing she's ever done- interesting. I think it could be the thing she's the most ashamed of, but you never know. It really breaks my heart for Hu, and I hope we get a backstory on her soon.

I'm coming back after point 14 and adding this: these secrets don't seem to be any of the worst things they've ever done, nor relevant to the killing game (besides "Xander's"). These secrets are personal. I think they each have worse secrets but they are too related to the killing game so they couldn't give those out.

7. Excuse you, David. Freaky ass.

8. that is NOT Teruko's secret 😭😭😭

9. This is seriously rich coming from J, as she usually escalates the situation.

10. Eden's monologue broke my heart. I am so glad David lied to her at the end, or I think Eden's heart would've been broken. This just makes me so sad.

11. "That maybe there would be a world in which we would be friends." I'm sure there would be, since your fans have created worlds that you're dating her.

12. Arei needs to genuinely shut up. This is where I get very upset and irrational. I am so fucking mad at Arei for lying to Eden. For the rest of Eden's life she's going to be wondering what she could've done or if her friendship was enough. Why the fuck would you lie and say you believed you could change, only to come back and admit you know you can't. My heart breaks for Arei though, because I believe she could've changed. This especially makes me so upset because as a previously bad person who relates to Arei and tries to change, I feel like I'm going to give up hope to do so too. Obviously I gotta overpower and not let fiction effect my reality, but it really hurts.

13. Arei's worldview that nobody is a good person mirrors David's (though David excludes Xander). Makes me really sad. I can hope, but there's really no hope left.

14. Well we know who attacked Xander (what the actual fuck). I hope we learn how that ties in later. Eden's hidden quote, "you can never go back, no matter how hard you try." maybe it's referring to this incident instead of the situationship with her friends in the past.

15. Love this.

16. WE HAD A JRUKO MOMENT!!! So happy about this!!!

17. Why the actual fuck does Whit know so much about how that hanging mechanism would work. You're making yourself look so suspicious. High and low were highlighted, which was interesting.

18. Whit said this murder would've been hard if Arei wasn't a willing victim. If she was, this just makes this case even more tragic. She may have convinced herself to give up hope and cooperated with the killer, which pains me a lot. I think this was due to David's secret.

19. I love the carousel bit! And the banter between Arturo and Whit. They had banter last trial too, so that's a continuation. Maybe they'll have a confrontation in the future.

20. NICO FUCKED BRO

21. At this point my only logical conclusion of who I think the killer could be is J.

22. Everyone is bringing up Ace's friend- Taylor! It's seriously throwing me for a loop bc that's my name!

ENDING:

To clarify, I think it's sad that Arei believes she can't change and even started doubting Eden.

[fipindustries]

bojack horse bad again

you know, i was thinking back to this show again, i watched three seasons of it and that was all that i could tomach and you know what? no.

i dont accept it

i dont care, it was a bad show, it was an objectively bad show and i dont accept that everyone else decided that it was good, i dont care, it was a bad show and im going to tell you why.

emotional terrorism

maybe im a simpleton but i am someone who cares quite a lot about catharsis in my stories. this show refused to grant that, adamantly and violently. im not saying i need a happy ending, i am more than capable of enjoying bittersweet or even tragic stories, but i need a sense of completeness, some satisfaction, some release, some sense that things matter or meant something. this show insisted on refusing to give that. all this show was interested in was get an emotional reaction out of you. it was the emotional equivalent of a jump scare. it was convinced that if it made you feel bad enough people would confuse that with beeing powerful and deep. you could get the same reaction by walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the nuts. and it would take about as much subtlety or artistry.

2. writer led rather than animator led

you could tell this was one of those shows that were made on the writer's room, not by storyboarders or artists, by "comedians". by people with english degrees. so many scenes of characters just standing around and talking. so many "jokes" that were clearly meant to be funny as something you read on a piece of paper or on a tweet and chuckle as you read it but as animation it just gave limp, stagnant scenes. so much dialog that were references and quips and puns and fast witticisms of the type you come up in the shower when thinking of clever comebacks.

there were so many fucking scenes where everything would stop and a character would launch on some stupid profound monologue about life and philosophy and psychology and relationships. it was like the writers were trying on for size paragraphs of their future memoirs or self help books. so much dialog that was begging for an award for writing. so many "mic drop" moments that were designed to be quoted. i find that the best writing is not the one that you can just quote out of context as a cool pithy phrase. a lot of the best writing ive seen in my life is meaningless when devoid of context, is inextricable of the scene and indeed of the entire story surrounding it but in here i can almost see the seams where the writers look at the camera waiting to see if you are impressed

3. inconsistent tone

this show wanted to eat its cake and then still have it. there are stories that manage to deftly weave in and out of comedic moments into serious moments. everything everywhere all at once does an amazing job jumping from the stupidest, most childish jokes into the most profound commentary about human nature, sometimes doing both at the same time and it worked, one didint cheapen the other.

in here though, it wanted to both have a completly absurd world with the stupidest characters ever and then somehow make us care for it all as if the show hadnt shot itself in the foot. it wanted us to see caroline being in love with what is clearly three children in a trenchcoat and then take her seriously as an adult, to treat any forther relationship drama she has as if it werent completly farcical.

4. ugly animation

it continued the blight that is take over adult animation by doing that disgusting repugnant paper puppet rigged interpolated quasi flash animation that only gives you stiff poses and movements and incredibly boring shots of characters standing in 3/4 perspective in front of the camera. it dull and flat and clunky and ugly, and the character designs were ugly. the noses were ugly and the mouths were ugly and the hairs were ugly and the eyes were ugly. it was all ugly. the backgrounds were fucking ugly and the colors were ugly and it was an ugly show to look at. unbearably so. and even the obligatory "weird" stylized scenes put in to shake things off and try to pretend that it was visually interesting (for like one scene per season) were also fucking ugly.

5. it had not interesting point to make

all it could do was insist and belavor and extemporize about how this one guy sucks and also most people kind of suck but specifically this one guy really sucks and he is not going to get better, or maybe he will? eh maybe, but not really, because he sucks. and we are going to make you like him because we are the writers and we are going to make him relatable and charismatic and sympathetic but actually no he sucks, you fell for it! and what does it say about you that you almost kind of liked him eh????. season after season of him, and in case you almost found anything redeemable about him, we are going to make him even worse, painfully unsubtly so, we are going to make him look at the camera and say that he sucks, because that is the level of nuance we think you can handle, dear viewer. this is called "self aware writing" and its postmodern and meta, which means its clever.

i fucking hate this show and the more i think about it the angrier it makes me, and what makes me more angriest of all is that people like it. its popular. it won awards i think. its largely recognized as a good show and its not! it sucks and its bad and if you like it you are stupid.

[sundrop-writes]

When Doves Cry

Jason Todd x Gar Logan

How can you just leave me standing - alone in a world that’s so cold?  So cold.  Why do we scream at each other?  This is what it sounds like: When Doves Cry.

This fic is dedicated to a husband who has never given up on me. 

Love is infinite, patient, and always welcomes you home.

Summary:

At Dick's insistence, Jason comes back to Wayne Manor to help the Titans end Crane's deadly plan. Jason doesn't want redemption or forgiveness - he's done believing that he's worthy of those. Once Crane is back at Arkham where he belongs, Jason plans to disappear, never to be heard from again.

But Gar - someone who never stopped loving Jason and never stopped believing in his goodness - has other plans.

Jason Todd x Gar Logan. Friends to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Smut and Emotional Angst. Set during Season 3, Episode 13.

Word Count: 11,100

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is a character x character fic - no reader character here; this is M/M; emotional angst - Jason's self deprecating inner monologue; Jason being emotionally constipated; mentions of Jason's past trauma - including being kidnapped by Deathstroke, and his canon suicide attempt; canon level violence (mentions of guns/gun violence, mentions of killing/mentions of Jason killing people); mentions of Jason's death and resurrection; mentions of Gar mourning Jason's death; mentions of Gar's canon trauma - being forced to murder people while under Cadmus' mind control, having brain surgery performed on him to achieve that mind control; implications of Dick/Hank/Dawn being in a poly relationship because I literally cannot help myself; mentions of Jason being injured from the confrontation that goes down at Wayne Manor in 3x13 (which is canon) - the injuries are vaguely described as 'bumps and bruises'; mentions of Jason's substance abuse - including the Anti-Fear Gas (which yes, even though it's fictional, is still substance abuse), alcohol, and implications toward other unnamed drugs; there is mentions of Jason/Rose - but in this version of things, their interactions were one single kiss and Jason never had any true feelings for her; because of his attraction to Rose - Jason is very much bisexual in this, and though it's not mentioned that Gar has been with a woman (or anyone aside from Jason lmao) - I always headcanon him as bi and write him as bi just so you know; mentions of Gar and Jason having a previous sexual relationship during their time living together at Titans Tower (but that relationship was purely sexual and not romantic); implications that The Pit changed Jason's body somewhat, including making his dick bigger; smut - M/M smut; biting/marking kink (from Gar toward Jason) - at one point, Gar bites down hard enough to draw blood; wet ?? humping/grinding; mentions of Jason and Gar masturbating; passing mention of sex toys (a dildo); anal sex with lots of (real!!!) lube; unprotected sex - they don't use a condom (but there is no mention of STDs and technically they are monogamous even if they didn't discuss it, but irl you should always use one!! don't be like them); Jason bottoming while Gar tops; scent kink - Gar and Jason both really like the way that the other person smells; Jason is a power bottom at first and then becomes more submissive; Gar is very possessive/animalistic during sex; some dirty talk; emotional/passionate sex; creampie kink - Gar cums inside of Jason and they both really like it; a warning for literally licking wounds - Gar licks a cut on Jason's forehead that he has from the fight (this IS NOT blood kink - it's about him caring for Jason because his animal instincts are telling him licking the wound will make it better/soothe it) (btw I am not shaming those with a blood kink, I have written blood kink before and I love it - I just wanted to clarify the tone of the moment); this fic does have a happy ending if that makes you more motivated to read it. I believe that is actually, finally it.

A/N: In case it's not already clearly labelled - there is no reader character in this fic! It is very different from what I usually write, but I felt very inspired and the request that @nctzenkane gave me was just too good not to write. Jason and Gar have so much chemistry in the show, they are such an obvious ship, and they never even got to say goodbye to each other. (The writers make it so convenient that Gar is just not in the room during Jason's pivotal moments - sigh.) Anyway - I love JayGar as a ship and I feel like this fic sums up everything I love about them, as well as giving them the ending they should have gotten. They should have ended up together and Jason should have gotten forgiveness from the Titans family. I hope you guys enjoy this fic even though it's not like my typical stuff, and if you sit this one out - please know that this one did wonders for my creative flow as a writer, and I will be back with more amazing things later. Also, I know that this fic is gonna make my Top Ten Favourite Fics of the year when I make that list for 2024. I was not at all expecting to write this fic but I absolutely love it so much omg. Also - even though I started my taglist a little while ago, I decided not to use the taglist for this particular fic because it's so different from my usual stuff. But the taglist will be used for all upcoming fics.

...

“I have to believe that this dude we fought alongside - my friend - he’s not all bad.” 

Gar purposefully put emphasis on those two words, trying his hardest to remind Dick of what Jason was to them. At least, what he should be. A friend. Even if Dick wanted to deny it, Jason had been a Titan once. He had been part of their family. Even if Gar was the only one who still remembered that; even if he was the only one who still remembered Jason’s good side. Even if Gar was the only one who had ever truly loved him - the others needed to remember what being a part of that family meant, and what their obligations were to Jason because of it. 

No matter what Dick claimed, Jason hadn’t turned into some evil villain overnight. He had his own reasons for what he was doing, and that meant he could be reasoned with. (Gar knew that it was difficult to reason with Jason - but he knew it could be done.) 

Dick’s silence was deafening. Maybe he didn’t want to tell his tender-hearted friend what he really thought of Jason now; those tiny streaks of things that he had been secretly thinking for a long time. Or perhaps - Gar was really getting through to him. 

Jason needed to come home. Despite what everyone else believed: he could be saved. 

… 

All of it was Dick’s idea. Gar still wasn’t even entirely clear on half of it, but the bulk of it involved using his newly acquired - still very undeveloped - ability of turning into a bat so that he could fly up to Jason’s unlocked bedroom window and breach the house’s security system undetected. 

No matter how much Gar stressed the fact that he can’t fly, Dick kept telling that it would be okay - that he just had to believe in himself, blah blah. The typical leader speech jargon that he used to convince people to do dangerous things. Gar felt like he shouldn’t have been so easily convinced, but he knew that a lot was on the line - he knew that Crane needed to be stopped. So he put aside sense and transformed, and flew off toward the window even though he barely knew how to control himself in this state. 

He was so damn dizzy when he landed. He could taste vomit swelling up inside his mouth and he forcefully pushed it back down. The world was spinning around him in an utterly cruel way and he could barely comprehend anything - he was naked and he needed clothes, so grabbing Jason’s shirt off the floor was nothing but pure instinct. The smell of Jason’s stupid strong cologne - so entrenched in the bedroom’s walls, mixed with the natural musk of sweat in the bedsheets - it should have made Gar even more dizzy and nauseous, but instead, it grounded him. It made him feel safe. 

Dig, if you will, the picture of you and I engaged in a kiss. The sweat of your body covers me.  Can you, my darling - can you picture this?

It was one of the only things that gave him a true, firm center while the world was spinning so damn hard, still undulating under his hands and knees while he dug his fingers into the expensive carpet, gritting his teeth with how much he absolutely hated the sensation. 

Gar and Jason have always been the same size. 

It was something they found out days into living together at Titans Tower, when Jason got out of bed and put on one of Gar’s favorite hoodies without a word. He never apologized for getting milk chocolate on it and letting it stain. From that point on, their wardrobe easily blended into one. Jason wore ‘nerd shirts’ with logos that he had no clue about the meaning behind, and Gar found himself wearing more black and more band tees with logos for bands that he couldn’t stand the loud, angry music of. 

After Dick had confessed everything that had happened with Jericho, Jason pulled away on the screeching tires of his motorcycle, and ended up taking some of Gar’s clothes with him. This left Gar with the pain of accidentally pulling something out of his drawer that still smelled like Jason - sleeping in sheets that definitely still reeked of that strong cologne. In fact, Gar had been wearing one of Jason’s black hoodies on the night that Cadmus had stormed the Tower - on the night his life had forever changed. 

In the present, when Gar left Jason’s room dressed head to toe in Jason’s clothes, it felt natural. It felt natural to be surrounded by that scent. It gave a certain kind of unconscious comfort to his overwhelmed instincts during such a chaotic time. It wasn’t even something he had put that much thought into. Instead, he was far more focused on using the remote Dick had instructed him to grab in order to disarm the alarm system - a task he was incredibly worried about getting right. 

With Dick in his ear giving him instructions to defuse the alarm, even with the terrible itch of anxiety creeping down his neck - he felt a certain sense of safety from being wrapped in Jason’s clothes. Even when the sound of gunfire came from down the hall - something that nearly paralyzed him with fear, part of him still foolishly felt bulletproof because of that familiar shirt on his back. 

When he rounded the corner, the first thing that truly made him freeze up during all of this was actually seeing Jason for the first time in so long. 

It was a true shock to his system. 

After all the talk of Jason - a death that he barely had time to mourn, so heavy in his heart and barely processed by his mind. After finding out that the person behind Red Hood’s mask had once been his best friend, somehow stolen from the morgue and woken up from what should have been a permanent sleep due to the treacherous waters of the Lazarus Pit. After spending all that time talking Dick’s ear off, trying to convince him to let Jason come home, where he truly belonged; after feeling so damn fruitless in doing so. After tracking down Molly, trying to stand united with one of Jason’s last true friends in an effort not to see him hurt. 

After all of that, everything Gar had been through over the past few weeks, actually seeing Jason in front of him - it was like having ice water poured down his back. 

He froze up standing there, and he knew that the expression on his face must have been that of dumbstruck delirium. 

He hadn’t expected their reunion to be anything like this. 

When Jason had first stormed out of Titans Tower, Gar had imagined that he would come back. Even after he had screamed at the top of his lungs, telling Dick to fuck off, and followed that up by screaming at Rose not to touch him when she had tried to grab his arm in some poor attempt at ‘comfort’, daring anybody else not to follow him - Gar had thought that it would be only a matter of hours before Jason came back. 

At the time, he had texted Jason after everyone else scrambled out like cockroaches fleeing from the light, and he had told Jason that it was safe to come back because they would be alone together (save for Conner’s unconscious body). He had expected that statement alone would cause Jason to eagerly come running back. 

He thought that it would be a predictable reunion. 

Jason would come back puffy-eyed and stinking of booze, stumbling, furiously denying that he had even been upset, saying that he would never let Dick Grayson get under his skin. Slurring his words while also denying that he had been drinking and driving his bike - because he didn’t want Gar to ‘narc’ on him about it. 

Gar would put him in the shower and douse him in cold water to sober him up while trying not to scold him about the potential of crashing the stupid speeding death machine due to being drunk. They would go to bed together and Jason would fall asleep holding onto him for dear life. And he would still make Jason the best hangover breakfast that vegan soy substitutes can offer (and Jason would complain about Gar not cooking with ‘real’ bacon, but he would still clean his plate). And Jason would sneak a kiss over the sudsy dish water that would turn into soapy grab-ass, and he would have wanted to fuck Gar across the kitchen counter just because nobody else was around to complain about it. 

(Maybe that last part was just a fantasy Gar cooked up with his hand on his cock in his bed at the Tower when he was missing Jason a bit too much. But still, it felt like something Jason would do.) 

When the days passed and Jason still hadn’t responded to him - still hadn’t come home, Gar tried to deny that he missed the mouthy asshole. He tried to weed those shirts out of his laundry so that he could stop being constantly reminded of Jason. He tried to keep his crying limited to the shower, or muffled into his pillow at night. 

And then, he didn’t have to worry as much about that stuff, because he got distracted and busy when Conner woke up. Introducing the clone to the world, teaching him to be a Titan. 

When he got his brain scrambled, between the taste of blood in his mouth and the distant sound of a done drill - memories of Jason flickered in front of him, and when he was present enough in reality, he knew that Jason running far away was a good thing. It meant that Gar couldn’t hurt someone like him. Someone he loved who didn’t have any meta powers to defend himself - someone who was only flesh and bone with no way to defend against a six hundred pound uncontrollable tiger pouncing on him. 

There were moments of mental clarity, tiny little moments when Mercy wasn’t humming in his ear. Moment when he prayed that he would never see Jason again - because he never wanted the blood in his mouth to belong to Jason. 

After Rachel helped him gain back control, he still wondered if he was capable of hurting Jason, even by mistake. He was almost glad when Jason rode away from Donna’s funeral in the opposite direction. (Almost.) Because that feeling of missing him came back harder than ever days after the funeral, when the dust had settled. When he realized that he was fully in control of his powers - working well as a Titan, and the only thing missing from the picture in his mind was having Robin right there by his side, working as the perfect duo Jason always knew they could be. 

When Gar found out about Jason’s death, he felt numb. It had never felt real. Sure, denial is the first stage of grief - but Gar never truly felt like he was living on the same earth where Jason was not. He felt like the world should have stopped. Or at the very least - he should have gone down with Jason. 

He kept imagining that someone would wake him up from the nightmare - that someone would shake him and he would wake up in his bed months earlier, with Conner still in a coma, only to find out that everything that had happened at Cadmus had been one big horrible dream. He would open his eyes to find out that Jason was still alive, waiting to sneak out and get veggie burgers with him at three in the morning. 

But no. There was a grave in the backyard of Wayne Manor with his name on it - even if Gar had seen it empty after Dick had dug it up in a manic state. Just to make himself feel like he wasn’t totally crazy, Gar had searched through Bruce’s files and found Jason’s morgue paperwork, wanting to fully confirm that Jason had even died in the first place. After seeing the attached photos of Jason’s bashed-in skull caused him to lose his lunch, he knew then that it was very much real. It wasn’t just a horrific dream. 

Jason had died and somehow been brought back from that. 

Even then, Gar imagined their reunion to be very different from this. 

But here he was - standing in one of the many hallways of Wayne Manor, staring Jason down like a deer in headlights, his heart pounding while his wide eyes fixated on the person he thought that he would never get to see again. Someone covered in bumps and bruises from a fight, looking much more worn down by the world than the guy who used to laugh at Gar’s shitty puns. 

Dream, if you can, a courtyard- An ocean of violets in bloom. Animals strike curious poses. They feel the heat - the heat between me and you.

Jason’s eyes flickered down and locked on Gar’s chest, or rather - fixated on his shirt. Jason’s shirt that Gar was wearing. In a moment, he felt more naked than he ever did when he stripped down in public to transform. He felt so fucking caught. Of course Jason knew that Gar was wearing his clothes. Gar could have claimed that it was out of pure convenience, but somehow, as if he was part animal himself - Jason’s pupils dilated and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. It was almost like he could smell the fatal yearning coming off Gar, everything about him that said: ‘I love you, I missed you, I need you’. 

“Jason-” Gar croaked out. 

There was no chance for conversation. 

A streak of movement behind Jason’s heavily armored shoulder realigned Gar’s priorities in a snap. 

“Look out!” He shouted, pointing sharply behind Jason before he ducked for cover himself. 

Jason didn’t hesitate - he fired his gun, taking the enemy out. He did a visual check of the hallway to make sure that nobody else was coming before he turned back to Gar - who was crouching tightly against one of the divots in the complex design of the old house. 

“I’m here for you.” Jason said - finding that he felt far too naked in his own way with how utterly vulnerable this sounded. 

Especially when Gar’s lips quivered, almost as if desperate to cry out for him, to thank him for coming home - something. 

“I’m here to help. Dick sent me.” He quickly amended, attempting to clarify that this was all business. 

Even though, with Gar’s large, glassy eyes staring him down - he couldn’t be sure that’s what it was. 

He didn’t have too much time to grind through the details of it, though. They had to get through the business aspects of it or there wouldn’t be any personal details left to untangle because they would all be dead. 

They split off, following a plan that Dick had carefully laid out, and Gar was proud when Tim and Dick led Crane out of the Batcave in shackles. 

With the relief of knowing that they had won, Gar quickly set about finding Jason once again - to thank him, to ask him what their next move was, to kiss him - he wasn’t quite sure yet. But he felt gleeful. 

All that glee was slashed when he caught Jason in his old bedroom, packing a bag. 

He had stripped out of his Red Hood armor from the waist-up, and Gar was met with the shocking sight of bright purple welts smothered across the broad of his back. It made Gar’s natural urge toward sympathy ache, especially when it came to Jason. But that feeling conflicted with nothing but boiling anger at the sight of him furiously stuffing things into a duffle bag he had placed into the middle of his bed - clearly trying to rescue everything he could from his old life on the way out. 

How can you just leave me standing alone in a world that’s so cold? So cold.

He was running away. Again. 

“Going somewhere?” Gar asked, trying to sound tough when his voice was trembling at the very thought of Jason leaving him again. 

If he was less mature, he would have dropped to the floor and thrown a catastrophic toddler fit, flailing his limbs and screaming at the top of his lungs. He would have demanded that Jason stay, telling him that he simply wasn’t allowed to leave. 

He knew that it was selfish, but it just made Gar feel so disposable. The fact that Jason came into his life, made him laugh, made him smile, fucked him like they were in love, made him care - and then he wanted to run away like Gar meant nothing to him. He knew that Jason had his own issues - a list of problems and past traumas longer than his arm, but Gar would have run away with him. Jason didn’t have to be sentenced to solitude. 

All these thoughts caused a sheen of tears to form in Gar’s eyes - the sadness battling with the anger inside his chest. He was threatening to spill those tears by the time Jason whipped around - partially startled, partially angry that his plans to disappear again had been disrupted. 

Jason mirrored back his own wet eyes at seeing Gar so upset, but quickly blinked the tears away. 

“I was never here.” He quietly croaked. “I can’t-” 

“You can’t ‘what’?” Gar barked back, cutting him off. 

This was the most cruel way that he had ever spoken to Jason, but he was fed up, to say the least. All of the emotions that he had been politely festering with now boiled over. The grief, the mourning, the loneliness - all of it spilled over at once. 

“You can’t stay?” He asked, raising his voice in anger. “You can’t admit that someone actually cares about you for you for once in your fucking life?” 

Maybe I’m just too demanding. Maybe I’m just like my father - too bold.

Jason’s face quivered at this. 

He knew Gar cared about him. Of course he did. But that was why he had to run. He couldn’t let Gar risk his place with the Titans for a murderous piece of shit like himself. He threatened to break into sobs and he forced himself to become steel. Without Crane’s drugs running through his system, he felt even more weak and chaotic - but he couldn’t let Gar be the drop of water that broke his dam after all these weeks. 

“I can’t stay.” He said solemnly, his eyes glued to the floor, refusing to look at Gar. “I - I can’t… stay.” It hung in the air for the moment as the words truly sunk in for him. He had been so busy packing in order to flee that he hadn’t even fully realized why. Now it was even more painful. “They won’t let me.” 

The realization pierced through Gar’s heart like a knife. 

This wasn’t just about him. Of course it wasn’t. 

The thing that he had been fighting for, fighting against all this time - the idea that Jason wasn’t even worthy to come home because he was some crazed killer. Gar wasn’t the only one who got a vote. Gar wasn’t the only one to claim love for him or deny him. 

If Gar’s love for him was the only thing that mattered, then the whole thing could have been smoothed over weeks ago. Maybe Jason wouldn’t have left in the first place. Maybe Jason wouldn’t have been balanced on the edge of a roof about to jump off while Gar had been sleeping. 

Gar wheezed out a harsh breath - almost as if the pain of the realization had literally pierced his lung, and he was having difficulty breathing because of it. 

“Stay.” Gar begged, hardly realizing that he was crying openly now. “I’ll talk to Dick, I’ll-” 

Maybe you’re just like my mother: She’s never satisfied.

“I can’t.” Jason said bitterly, entirely defiant. “You know I can’t. Not after everything that’s happened. Especially not after Hank.” 

There was a careful kind of mourning in Jason’s voice when he said the name - and potently, he flipped back around then, unable to face Gar after bringing it up. He continued to pack his bag as Gar stared at his back, his throat tightening harshly around everything that he had to say in reply. 

Gar loved Hank as a friend - as a mentor, someone to look up to. But even now, he couldn’t fully blame Jason for Hank’s death. He knew that it was all a part of Crane’s plan. He knew that Jason was sorry. Before, that fact was something he had based solely on his knowledge of Jason - but now he could base it on Jason’s very clear guilt towards the situation. 

Gar knew that if he told Dick that he forgave Jason for Hank’s death - it would put them on bad terms. Dick had known Hank for longer. And there had been something more there (something more between Dawn, and Hank, and Dick). Something that made that scar extra tender for Dick. 

Gar had to find a better way to explain it. Perhaps tell the team that he had once been a pawn himself - he had been to Mercy Graves what Jason was to Crane. And he knew that if she put him alone in a room with Hank and told him to kill, he couldn’t have been sure that his sterling morals and his willpower alone would have held up against everything that she did to him. 

Why was the situation with Jason any different? 

Why were they so determined not to forgive him? 

Out of the corner of his eye, something broke up his contemplative thinking - Jason slipped a tee shirt over his head, and Gar couldn’t ignore the glaring shade of green that said it was one of his. It caused a possessive streak to roll through him - he had a difficult time holding back a feral growl as it flared up in his throat. 

It made him only able to focus on one thing. 

“What about before?” Gar croaked out, disappointment apparent in his voice. 

Jason looked over his shoulder with gentle confusion, and he felt the need to clarify. 

“What about everything that happened before Hank?” Gar rephrased the question. “Doesn’t that matter?” 

Why do we scream at each other?

Jason wanted to say - yes, of course it does. 

But it felt so much more complicated than that. 

“Gar-” He barely choked the name out before he was cut off. 

Gar couldn’t stand to hear more excuses - more reasons as to why Jason was going to cut and run. He reached a hand up to Jason’s neck and pulled him into a kiss before anything else could come spilling from his mouth. 

It felt like trying to desperately claw his way into the front door of a home he once knew - a house that was now cold and abandoned as Jason stood stalk still, purposefully not kissing him back. Jason wasn’t letting him in - not giving him a single sign that there was any love left there. That there had even been love here in the first place. 

Deep down, Jason was terrified. If he gave in and kissed Gar back - he would be done for. He would be opening himself up to a world of hurt that he once thought he could erase with doses of Anti-Fear Gas. 

Gar was used to playfulness; teeth nibbling on his lips, laughter in the air. He was used to a hand reaching for the tie on the front of his sweatpants while that cocky voice muttered lustful ‘threats’ against his mouth - something about how he was ‘going to get it’ - when in actuality, Jason was always the one who ended up a moaning mess on his cock. 

Tears spilled hotly from the corners of his eyes and a sobbed choked out from the back of his throat when Jason was completely still against him. He was being so coldly denied - Jason was like stone, fighting off everything he had missed most from Gar because he still felt like he had to run, and this was nothing more than a distraction from that. 

“Please.” Gar wept against his mouth. 

It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but - Jason didn’t move. 

This is what it sounds like: When Doves Cry.

Gar pulled back harshly then. When his wet eyes fell to the Triforce printed in the middle of Jason’s chest, further signaling that it wasn’t his shirt (because he likely had no clue what the symbol meant or what it even was) - Gar felt a wave of rage overtake him. He gripped the hem of the green shirt and didn’t hesitate to yank it up over Jason’s head. Rather than the typical heat that this action would lead to, there was nothing but bitter tension in the air as Gar waved the ball-up fabric in front of Jason’s face. 

“This is mine.” He choked out, barely holding back a wave of sobs. “So - so if you’re leaving, you can’t take it with you. You can’t be that much of an asshole. You can’t just take everything that belongs to me.” 

Gar choked on his own words, holding back more. 

They both knew that the words held a dangerous double meaning. If he was going to run, he would be taking so much that belonged to Gar - so much more than some fabric that they had once blissfully shared. 

He would be ripping Gar’s heart out of his chest and taking it with him. 

Jason looked at him with tears now leaking from his eyes. Oceanic blue swimming in bloodshot red - not a pretty sight, by any means. He took in a heavy breath, but his stomach was visibly trembling where he was holding in his own sobs. 

He wanted Gar to tell him to stay. He didn’t want Gar to be okay with him leaving - he wanted it to be such a fight that he couldn’t just walk away. 

Touch if you will, my stomach.  Feel how it trembles inside.  You’ve got the butterflies all tied up.  Don’t make me chase you - even doves have pride. 

Gar - still feeling the need to comfort Jason, even stewing in all his anger toward this man he called lover, enemy, or friend - dropped the shirt on the floor and reached out, smoothing his hands over Jason’s hips. He leaned in and laid the most feather-light butterfly kisses across Jason’s shoulder, and Jason choked on another sob. 

Gar smoothed a hand over Jason’s stomach, and under the intense heat of Gar’s large palm - his muscles calmed. Any cries of anguish died off inside of him and he was able to gather enough breath to speak as Gar laid a gentle cheek on his shoulder. 

“You - you can’t do this.” Jason whispered, the weakest protest he could have come up with. 

Gar only hummed in response. This close to Jason, he could almost feel that thing inside Jason, yearning for him, crying out to him. 

He knew that Jason didn’t want to leave. He knew that if he was patient, Jason would crumble to the need as much as he was. 

He already felt as though he had won. 

“You’re a fucking hypocrite.” Jason added on, his words slightly steadier now. He curled his fingers into the fabric of the shirt Gar was wearing - the one he had picked up off of Jason’s bedroom floor when he had landed. “This is mine.” 

Gar wanted to make some sarcastic jest about how he wasn’t planning on leaving while wearing it - but he became choked up at how the words sounded. As though Jason was truly claiming him - something he had been waiting to hear for so damn long. 

He lifted his head to ask if it was true - if Jason would stay for him or if they could flee together - but Jason caught the back of his neck and slammed their lips together, stealing any words that Gar was planning to speak. 

There was a certain fierceness that followed next - a battle of stubborn wills that was as stiff and tense as their words. 

Passion and love and anger are spears all lined up on the same fence, all equally sharpened - Gar was still angry with Jason for leaving in the first place and never coming back. He still blamed Jason for all those months of bitter loneliness that he had felt, for being left there in the Tower with no help when Cadmus had attacked. Deep in the back of his mind, there was a fantasy of the night they attacked - of Beast Boy and Robin operating as the perfect team to snub out evil. 

Jason was still mad at Gar for not chasing him, for not asking him to come home. Mad at him for not making more of an effort, for siding with Dick on seemingly everything. 

He had no clue how hard Gar had fought to bring him home. How much Gar’s voice had burrowed into the ears of the others, especially Dick, being the only remaining one to speak up, vouching for Jason’s good side. If he had been a fly on the wall, perhaps he would have bowed at Gar’s feet, thanking him. 

But instead - these lopsided views created a bitter stubbornness. Something that made the kiss feral and angry - gnashing teeth and hot, hard breaths as they grabbed and groped at each other, battling with their own anger and swelling up with that love they tried so hard to deny. 

Why bother staying so angry with someone if you didn’t care about them? Why take that much time and effort to be pissed off if you wouldn’t just forgive the person out of love at the end of the day? 

Jason ripped off Gar’s shirt - the borrowed shirt that only further reminded him of everything he had missed out on, the home he couldn’t come back to. He threw it to the floor, trying his best to forget about it - but this only made way for Gar’s hot skin underneath his own, forcing more temptation as they made more skin-on-skin contact. 

He let out a kind of wounded sound when Gar gripped the back of his head and swept down, his mouth tracing along Jason’s neck, digging his teeth in. He was still unsure if he was trying to claim Jason in that animalistic way and make it impossible for him to leave or if he was just taking that anger out on him, trying to cause a little bit of pain - trying to make Jason feel a fraction of what he had felt. Either way, his teeth were savage and frantic on Jason’s skin, and Jason’s nerves screamed pleasurably with the full effects of it. 

“Fuck,” Jason moaned out as Gar sunk his teeth in harder. “Fuck you.” 

Gar was about to make some clever reply - the typical ‘you should’ or ‘I’m trying to’. 

But he was caught off guard, silenced when Jason put a hand in the middle of his now bare chest and shoved him back toward the bed - causing him to sprawl beside the bag that Jason had been trying to steal away with. He poofed out across the luxurious, expensive mattress; there was a worrying second as he looked up at Jason when he believed that Jason might just pick up that bag and run. 

He could use this as his opportunity to flee. 

But instead, Jason eyed him up and down heavily - lustful eyes casting a thick gaze over Gar’s body. Looking over every inch of him carefully, from his now ruffled hair, down across his heaving chest, to the place where Jason’s borrowed pants were hanging low on his hips - the thickness of his hard cock very apparent between his thighs with no underwear on underneath them. 

Jason knew it was temptation. Fondness. 

At the time, perhaps he considered it ‘one last hurrah’. But in truth, it was the breaking point - the point of no return. The point at which Gar had truly hooked him in and reeled him back. Between those big, beautiful brown eyes staring up at him with a combination of intense affection and fear at the possibility of him leaving and that fat cock practically calling to him - Jason was done for. 

Jason reached for the button on his own pants, and Gar remained frozen for a moment. 

“Well,” Jason said impatiently. Gar still didn’t move, unsure what was expected of him in that moment. “Get your fuckin’ pants off. I know you’re not shy about stripping down, ya damn nudist.” 

Gar felt the tension leave his body with a stiff exhale. He wanted to make some smartass comment, but found himself lacking. Instead, he became distracted by rushing to get the pants off and watching the flexing of Jason’s muscles while he worked to get his own pants and boots off. 

All he could muster up was: 

“You - you’re an asshole,” Gar chuckled out, throwing Jason a genuine smile as he kicked the fabric off his ankles, leaving himself wonderfully bare in the middle of the bed. 

Gar’s eyes traced over Jason’s naked body - he seemed more thick and muscular than the last time Gar had seen him. Had he been training harder in the time that he’d been gone? Though his overall build was still much the same - matching Gar in stature, though Gar’s muscles were leaner and softer compared to Jason now. And if Gar wasn’t mistaken, Jason’s cock was bigger? Though that seemed more like a trick of the eye. (Though, it was still a good two or three inches smaller than Gar’s, which Jason often called ‘monstrous’ and joked that he could barely walk after taking.) 

Gar didn’t have too much time to admire Jason’s nudity before Jason was on top of him, bumping their cocks together as he climbed onto Gar’s lap. 

Gar let out a harsh growl from deep within his chest at the feeling of his sensitive dick being touched by someone else for the first time in months - for the first time since Jason had stormed away from the Tower in a fit. Since then, he’d had nothing but his own hand and distant memories of Jason fueled by the fading smell on the clothes he’d left behind. 

Even then, it’s not like he had the opportunity or even the desire to touch himself all that often - not with the chaos going on in his life. So having a warm body in his lap again - the warm body of someone he had missed so fucking much - it reignited the fire inside of him like poking holes in a gasoline tankard and lighting a match. 

“Fuck, Jay.” 

Gar reached up and tightly, possessively grabbed Jason by the ass, pulling him closer instinctively. This caused the echo of a whimper from within Jason’s throat as he bent down to take Gar’s lips again. Jason’s hands planted firmly on the hard muscle of Gar’s chest and Gar kept that needy grasp on Jason’s ass - wanting to keep Jason as close to him as possible. 

The touch quickly turned into moving Jason on top of him, grinding Jason’s body on top of his so that their cocks were gyrating together - a perfectly filthy clash of hot skin that fit together so well after they had been apart for too long. 

They moaned into each other’s mouths and Jason forced his tongue past Gar’s sweet, pink lips - as if he was still trying to put up that fight, still trying to show that he held some power over the man underneath him. Gar’s cock was leaking furiously and soon the slide of their two cocks became wet and glossy while Gar’s bright pink cockhead was continually nudged against his stomach, making a mess against his abs and staining slickness all over Jason’s eager, throbbing dick. 

“Fuck. Fuck, man.” Jason hissed, pulling away from the kiss, a new urgency pumped into him. 

Gar felt a slight streak of disappointment when Jason looked away from him - like a fictional pixie, fading away for the slightest moment without Jason’s attention. The feeling was doubled when Jason took the touch of his chest. He actually found himself whimpering like a pathetic puppy as he wondered what Jason was doing. 

It made a bit more sense when Jason frantically unzipped his would-be getaway bag - rifling through the pockets, ripping out spare underwear and - fuck, of course, more of Gar’s bright green shirts that he had stolen - until he came back with a bottle in hand. 

Lube. 

Of course. Of course that would be something Jason considered to be an essential to travel with when he was stealing away into the night, never to be seen or heard from again. 

Gar would have made some kind of joke about it, but he found his mouth dry, and he was far too horny and mesmerized, his blood pumping through him at top speed as he watched Jason. Who uncapped the bottle and squirted some onto his fingers - then his hand disappeared behind him while he tensed his thighs and hiked his body higher up onto his knees, clearly with the intent to finger himself open in preparation for Gar’s cock. 

Gar huffed out hot breath. 

It had been so damn long. 

He felt his cock pulse with fierce need and spurt out more pathetic spurts of precum, making his stomach even more shiny as it began to pool inside his belly button. He rubbed his hands lovingly over Jason’s thighs as he continued to watch with the utmost rapture, his eyes drinking in every single inch of the beautiful body in front of him - the flexing muscles, the sharpness of Jason’s hips, the thickness of his thighs, the way his perfect, modest cock bobbed between his thighs while he worked. His plump, pink bottom lip snagged between his teeth while he tried to contain his moans. Something that turned the sounds into the most beautiful little grunts that Gar had ever heard. 

After a few moments, Jason pulled his fingers from himself with a sinfully wet sound, and then he reached for the bottle of lube again. Gar was surprised though when he went straight to pouring the shockingly cool liquid across Gar’s cock. 

Typically it took them a lot more work to get Jason ready to take Gar, seeing as he was a bit longer than nine inches, impressively thick - and though he tried his hardest to be gentle - when Jason begged him and nagged him with purpose, he could sometimes get carried away. (Jason claimed that he liked the feeling of soreness afterwards, but Gar sometimes felt guilty for letting go of self control and pounding into Jason like an animal.) 

“You - you want more help?” Gar choked out. 

With Jason’s hand on his cock, spreading the wetness, he was already pushing his orgasm down past the onslaught of sensations - the lube warming under Jason’s hot touch, the purposefully loose grip that Jason had on his dick that just made him itch and made him want more. 

Jason grunted in reply. 

“I fucked myself this morning.” He said, distinctly not making eye contact with Gar. Instead, continuing to stare at his own hand as he picked up the bottle and poured more wetness around his grip on that impressive, thick cock, and then spread it around. 

He almost added on: ‘I was thinking about you when I did it.’ 

But somehow, even now - that felt too emotionally vulnerable. 

Gar quickly became swallowed up by heated thoughts of this. He became consumed by the visual image of Jason splayed out on a bed somewhere, (wherever he had been staying since he had left), fucking himself with his fingers shoved deep inside his well-lubed hole while his other hand moved frantically on his cock. Or even better, pounding a toy inside of himself like the one Gar had found snooping through his room while looking for anything he could use to help Jason against Crane. 

He would look so fucking good like that, spread open on the unforgiving thickness of the silicone, desperate whines and moans coming from his lips because it was good, but it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t perfect like having Gar’s hot body on top of him while Gar’s big cock carved out a spot deep inside his guts- 

While Gar was distracted by these thoughts, Jason took the opportunity to line up the now well-lubed dick with his prepped hole and sink down onto Gar without another word. This caught Gar off guard, stealing his breath in the best way. It was smooth and slick and he didn’t waste a second before putting his entire body weight onto Gar, letting his ass rest flush with Gar’s pelvis so that Gar’s impressive cock was fully inside of him. 

“Jay - oh, fuck.” 

Gar let out a chest-rattling moan and quickly became dizzy, and it didn’t even occur to him that Jason had skipped putting a condom on him. So, this was the first time that he was bare inside Jason, absolutely no barriers between them. He couldn’t mentally comprehend it, and all he could think was - of course it was hotter, of course it felt better - he hadn’t seen Jason for so long, he had forgotten how perfect Jason felt around him, he had forgotten that it felt this fucking good. 

“God, fuck, Gar, your dick-” Jason mumbled out, clearly lost in a haze of pleasure himself. 

Jason didn’t waste a second - with Gar too pleasure-numb, Jason simply took what he needed. He planted his hands on Gar’s chest while Gar’s hands rested dumbly on his thighs, and he began frantically bouncing up and down on Gar’s dick, impaling himself on that beautiful big cock, quickly creating a good rhythm. He watched with awe and swelling adoration as his eyes locked on the man below him. 

Gar looked so perfect like this. 

His body was a sculpture of perfection, like Adonis himself, carved from marble. Every single time Jason got him naked in bed, he wondered how the hell he had gotten so lucky. With his pink lips parted as increasingly loud moans escaped him and his brows creased with pleasure, bits of that distinct green hair stuck to his forehead from the efforts. His stomach fluttering and flexing every single time Jason slammed his hips down and took Gar back inside him fully, Gar’s body glistening with sweat, slick from their encounter so far - he was a picture of perfection, not a single flaw that Jason could pick out.

And while his hole was tingling with the pleasure of having Gar inside him again and his cock was throbbing as it danced between them, beginning to sputter out precum now - he was beginning to ache with a brand new need. 

He was chasing a sexual need, of course, but he was also growing frantic with an emotional need that he had pushed down for so many months. He had missed Gar so fucking much. So much it hurt - and he had used so much to try and forget about it - the Anti Fear gas, the intense focus on Crane’s mission, the booze, the distance. 

But now it was all right here in front of him - those moans he had missed so much, that green hair, the smell of someone so distinct that he had tried huffing off clothing like a drug that he couldn’t buy anywhere off the street. He swallowed thickly and tried his best to hold back tears, and was only reminded of this more when Gar’s fingers dug into his hips - a firm but loving grasp that only more deeply reminded him of who he was fucking. Reminded him of what he had missed out on. 

“Dammit,” Jason huffed out. “Fuck - your-your cock is so good,” 

Usually he was a motormouth during sex. He was infamous for never shutting up until his orgasm hit him like a truck. If it was spitting out ‘fuckboy’-esque promises that he never could keep because he usually wasn’t the one fucking Gar’s brains out (but rather, mindlessly taking a cock), or horny blabbering as he begged for more - his tongue was constantly sputtering out something while Gar touched him. 

So he thought that talking would be a good distraction from the horrible knot in his gut - from this thing that he was feeling. He didn’t need to deal with those stupid fucking feelings right now. He just didn’t. 

“So fuckin’ big.” Jason whined. “You feel so good inside me.” 

Gar grunted in return, taking a tighter hold on Jason’s hips and helping more now. He helped Jason slam down harder, causing a harsher collision of their skin each time - a sharp, wet slapping that sounded absolutely sinful in the room. It made Jason feel fuller somehow, and he let out a downright whorish sound, struggling to get out his next words. 

“God - I - fuck -” He whined. “Your cock - Gar - you feel so-” 

“Yeah.” Gar breathed back in reply, encouraging him. “Yeah, Jay.” 

With another hard slam of Gar’s hips up into his hole, Jason’s mouth was knocked loose. 

“Missed this dick.” He breathed out. “Missed this - missed this so much. Missed you.” 

It was a stubborn admission that even the world’s harshest torture couldn’t have pulled out of him. But the feeling of Gar’s cock deep inside of him, those fingers digging into his flesh like he owned Jason - that was enough to have his tongue loosening around his secrets and have him spilling into vulnerability like it was his fucking job. 

Jason didn’t have enough time for the sting of regret to settle over saying the words, because something inside Gar snapped. The mourning in Jason’s voice, knowing that Jason has missed him just as much - he went from dumb and lustful as Jason bounced on his cock to swelling with that passionate anger once again. He had missed too much time with Jason, and he needed to make up for it. He needed Jason to know that he couldn’t just run away - that he mattered. 

He became filled with the determined need to show Jason that he couldn’t leave - he could never leave, because Gar had missed him too. 

Gar loved him. Gar needed him. 

They needed each other. 

Gar grabbed him around the waist and with a deep growl that was truly bordering on animal this time, he flipped Jason over onto his back. His cock slipped out of Jason, slick from the lube, causing Jason to make a startled, disappointed noise as he suddenly felt far too empty. When Gar leaned over Jason and felt Jason’s getaway bag brushing against his knee, a swell of offense came over him. He reached for the bag, shoving it off the bed without a second thought - spilling clothes and other random items across the floor out of the open zippers, something that neither of them paid any mind to in the following hours. 

“Please, Gar-” Jason breathed out, and from there, anything else in the world was shut out for him and Gar. 

Maybe what they had done before could never be considered making love - but they certainly had their moments. Times when Jason would kiss Gar’s forehead after making him cum, before getting out of bed without a word. Times when Gar grabbed both of Jason’s hands and interlocked their fingers while he rocked his cock deep inside of him. But for the most part, they fucked filthy and horny and desperate. They fucked like two guys in a race to get each other off - and it worked for them. 

But this felt different. 

As Gar slipped his cock back inside of Jason, he locked eyes with the man below him and a spark ran through him that said this was different. This wasn’t turning to the closest warm body out of convenience or boredom. This wasn’t just a friendship with some very particular, spectacular benefits. This was the intense gaze of a lover, locked into a stare that said the rest of the world was locked out, completely forgotten just because Gar was touching him. 

This was coming home. 

This meant that nothing else mattered - no past transgressions, no supposed mistakes, no demanding corrupt figures that had used them as pawns in their own games - none of it could even be seen as Jason locked his knees around Gar’s lower back, holding him tightly in place, silently begging him not to go too far. 

A quiet: please, don’t leave me, I need you. 

I need you just as much as you need me. I swear it. 

Gar held back more tears, and his next huff of breath turned into another low growl - a sound that had Jason whining quietly and clenching down on his cock. That hint at his more animal side had always been something Jason had liked - especially knowing that Gar was the most tame ‘beast’ he had ever met. Ironic, considering that Gar could turn into a six hundred pound tiger and he could shred people with his teeth at will. But Gar was the most gentle person Jason had ever known - someone he trusted with his life within a day of knowing him. Someone better than his own blood relatives and shitty foster ‘families’ who had tossed him out onto the street without a second thought. 

Gar was never a beast, no matter what he was capable of. 

“Please.” Jason begged, his voice slightly choked and breathless. 

He held on tightly to the side of Gar’s face, the other hand straying around to grip the back of Gar’s shoulder - and though Gar’s cock was already throbbing and threatening to blow far too early, he knew he couldn’t deny Jason any longer. 

Gar pressed his forehead into Jason’s neck, unable to stand the piercing interrogation of that gaze - looking for atonement, looking for validation, looking for love. Gar would give him all of those things, and he fucking will - but he couldn’t concentrate on that and delivering a quality fuck at the same time. Jason deserved that, too. He deserved to cum in a spectacular and satisfying way. 

With his concentration a bit steadier, Gar began to fuck his hips forward - fucking into Jason in slow, smooth strokes. 

“Jay, fuck,” He moaned out. “So fucking good. You’re so fucking good.” 

Jason let out a high whine in return and Gar sped up his hips - fucking into Jason faster, but nowhere near as fast as Jason had been riding him. It was still so tender and slow, deep and firm as the thickness of his cock truly made a home inside of Jason that reminded them both exactly where he belonged. 

Jason’s voice warbled - becoming nothing but a nonsensical echo of weak sounds dispersing into the air. Gar couldn’t help himself; he kissed a trail from the middle of Jason’s chest up his neck once again, taking the time to lay a few more possessive bites across Jason’s neck before he reached his face. When he felt roughness under his lips, it truly sunk in that Jason had been hurt - he had picked up a few injuries while fighting to defend him and the other Titans. Jason had put his body on the line for them. 

How could Jason ever be bad if he was willing to get hurt in order to protect his family? 

A swell of passion and possessiveness streaked through him again. 

His tongue sneaked out of his mouth and he licked over the cut above Jason’s eye like a cat trying to lick the wound clean, all of his instincts heightened with the lust pumping through him. Something in his lust-drunken brain was screaming at him that Jason needed this care, and nothing more than the saliva from his tongue would make Jason feel better. 

He did this, kitten licking across the cut, while he continually ground his hips deeply against Jason’s, stuffing his cock ever deeper into Jason’s needy hole. It made for a breath-taking combination of care, attention, and heat that made Jason’s stomach curl. 

“Gar-” He gasped out. “I - ah - fuck!” 

Gar gave another little lick and then moved to grab both of Jason’s hands, entwining their fingers on both sides as he had done in the past. Previous times Jason had laughed about it or called him cheesy, or even suggested that Gar use handcuffs instead if he truly wanted to pin Jason down. But this time, as Gar brought the grip of their tangled hands up above Jason’s head and continued fucking him so deeply. Jason only let out another shuddering gasp and looked Gar in the eyes with a glassy look that said he was truly gone. 

He had surrendered everything to Gar now. 

He couldn’t have run from this if he tried. 

“Come on,” Gar grunted, slamming his hips a little harder, a little more determined - pulling back a bit more, going a bit deeper. It was a motion that pulled louder sounds from Jason, that made him tremble. 

“Cum for me.” He breathed into Jason’s ear. “Cum on my cock - so good for me. Cum for me, show me how much you missed me.” 

Gar kept Jason pinned by their joined hands and by his hips holding Jason tightly to the bed. With his cock slamming into Jason in fierce, heavy, hard strokes - and with Jason’s cock jostling between them, brushing against Gar’s impossibly hot stomach - it was difficult for him to deny the order. With those words spoken in that perfect voice, floating in his ears, the orgasm shot through his body like his soul awakening - like he was truly feeling himself for the first time since he had woken up after The Pit. 

“Shh - shit! Ah! Fuck!” 

He gasped and struggled to get air into his lungs, and Gar cloaked his mouth over Jason’s gaping lips, fucking him right through it. Jason’s cock jumped and jolted between them, painting both their stomachs with his cum while his hole tightened and clenched around Gar - while he shook beneath Gar and tightly grasped Gar’s hands. 

It was utterly perfect. 

“Please, please, please-” Jason gasped, frantic. 

He needed Gar to cum, too. He needed the feeling to be complete. 

Gar let out another growl, shoving his head into Jason’s neck, taking a healthy whiff of his sweat as he fucked his hips hard into Jason. 

“Mine.” He growled possessively into Jason’s skin. “Mine, mine, mine-” He punctuated each slap of his hips into Jason’s ass with the word, his mind filled with this as though it were the one true thing in the world. 

“Mine.” 

A final pathetic dribble of cum escaped Jason before Gar’s cock began pumping into him. As he came, Gar’s teeth latched onto his neck once again, biting down hard enough to pull blood this time - creating a twinge of copper under Gar’s tongue and wringing even more inhuman sounds out of Jason. 

Gar pressed his hips as deep as possible into Jason, making them both utterly high on the feeling of his cum fucking deep into Jason for the first time. Jason feeling it so warm inside of him and having it pool and leak down over Gar’s balls - it only further reminded them how utterly close they were, how deeply Gar had marked Jason, how Jason was cursed to return back to Gar because he needed this - it was a deep reminder of how Gar was his home. 

Tears leaked from Jason’s eyes and Gar licked them away, grinding his hips deep into Jason - causing stray whimpers and aftershocks of pleasure while his cock began to soften. 

“God, oh-” 

“I know.” Gar replied, his voice more ragged than he imagined it should be. 

When he pulled out, it felt like a shock to both of their systems. Too empty, too distant - even still so close to a warm body, too cold. 

Jason’s first instinct was to get up and go to the bathroom to clean up. Especially feeling the stickiness and the mess all over his body as he came down from the high. But Gar rolled onto his back and put a tight arm around his back. 

“Sleep now.” Gar told him, puffing out an oddly cute little yawn. For someone who had just fucked his brains out - he now resembled a sleepy little house cat. 

Jason found that he couldn’t really argue with that. 

… 

Even though Jason was exhausted and hadn’t slept much in the past few weeks, he woke up long before Gar did. 

There was still so much worry plaguing him. 

Oddly enough, Gar’s snoring was more of a comfort than it was a disturbance. It reminded him of sharing a wall with Gar when their bedrooms had been so close together; when he had laid awake at night after scurrying out of Gar’s bed at top speed after they had fucked, wondering what it would have been like if he had decided to stay. 

Back then, it felt like the end of the world to open up to Gar. But now, he couldn’t help but to wonder if it would have saved him in the long run. 

Titans Tower was never the perfect place for him. It only ever felt livable because Gar had been there. They grew so close so quickly - at the time, Jason had tried to convince himself that it was just friendship. That it was the delusion of being stuck in close quarters. Gar was convenient - he was a good fuck, close by, and he was hot. He was someone Jason could get off with while Dick and Bruce had him locked up. And most of all, Gar was pleasant to be around. He didn’t look down on Jason like he was just some street rat, and he didn’t expect Jason to perform miracles just because he had taken on the mantle of Robin. 

Gar treated him like an equal. At the time, that was the best that Jason could ask for. 

Jason didn’t think there were any possible downsides to being close with Gar, and letting himself have some sexual relief in the process. 

Until Deathstroke. 

If he had any feelings for Gar, he had been suppressing them, and then - Gar argued with him about going out to hunt down Doctor Light. He felt betrayed. He felt like Gar didn’t understand him anyway, like Gar would always side with Bruce’s favorite - Good Old Dickie. The one thing he had been putting Gar on a pedestal for - treating him as an equal - was slashed away within seconds. 

Back then, Jason couldn’t think rationally. He felt like he needed to capture Doctor Light and bring him in to get back in Bruce’s good graces, to show the Titans what he could do. He had no clue that Gar was scared for him; that he was acting out of fear, trying to protect Jason. (Something he would continue to do no matter what, apparently.) 

At the time, Jason was insecure and stir crazy and he let it get to him. 

And then, he was blindfolded, strapped to a chair, stabbed, and beaten, and all he could think of was how much he was going to disappoint Gar. How much he was going to hurt him. Bruce, Dick, and the other Titans were the farthest thing from his mind - all he could think about were the last time those soft lips had been on his, the flash of green hair. The utterly disappointed look Gar had given him when he had declined to call Dick for back-up before going into the train tunnels. 

Gar thought Jason was stupid. But Gar was so damn soft-hearted. And Jason couldn’t stop thinking about how much he was going to hurt Gar with his idiotic antics. How much he was going to take from someone who didn’t deserve it. 

As he was strapped to that chair, watching Deathstroke sharpen the sword, all he could think about was the look on Gar’s face - the tears he was going to cry when he was eventually told about Jason being sliced open. Especially because he knew that Gar would blame himself for not saving Jason, for not calling Dick sooner - and it was all Jason’s own stupid fault. 

When he got back, somehow unscathed, he kept his distance from Gar. It hadn’t happened then, but the day would come when he would bring Gar a lot of undue pain - and if he started severing their ‘friendship’ now, then he could eventually soften the blow. At least, that was his line of thinking. He kept far away from Gar’s room when he needed that comfort more than ever, thinking that it would both do them better in the long run. 

When a knock came on his door, he was surprised that it was Rose, and not Gar - and he was pissed off and annoyed more than anything. She was persistent and he was tired. 

When she barged her way in, he found a particular part of his brain nagging at him - telling him that technically, he was still single. He shouldn’t get so attached to Gar anyway, because it would only hurt them both later on. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be attached - he wanted to know that he could run at any time. He needed to know that he wouldn’t get hurt. More importantly, that he wouldn’t hurt someone soft and caring like Gar. 

He wanted to be able to say that everything going on between him and Gar was just sex. 

So he let himself kiss Rose. 

And he felt absolutely nothing. 

When she told him: ‘Don’t be stupid and maybe it’ll happen again.’ 

He wanted to bark out: ‘It won’t.’ 

But he didn’t want to lay it all out. He didn’t want to tell her of all people that he was in love with his best friend and that’s why he wasn’t available. He wasn’t ready to say it out loud - and that’s why he settled for simply telling her to loudly fuck off as he stormed out of Titans Tower, determined to be alone. Especially when Gar did nothing more than stare him down with sad eyes, not moving a muscle, making no efforts to chase him. 

He was meant to be alone. Or so he thought. 

It was very clear that Gar had other plans. 

Gar - who was currently snoring beside him with the presence of a slumbering lion. Perhaps Gar had skewed his idea of what it might actually be like to sleep beside a lion - wholly warm, downright hot, with heat radiating off his skin like a furnace, utterly soft and cuddly even though he was so muscled, someone who slept with his mouth agape and snored loudly - but in a pleasantly rhythmic way. He was a perfect, quaint, slumbering beast. 

He made Jason feel safe. 

It was not a luxury Jason had often in life. Maybe it was the thing that kept him coming back to Gar, again and again - that precious feeling of safety. It truly was better than any drug. 

More and more presently by the minute, Jason was reminded of the mess - the unpleasant drying cum between his cheeks and on his lower stomach, leaking out of him and no longer pleasantly warm. It made him want a shower. He didn’t want to scare Gar by having him wake up to an empty bed, but he also didn’t want to wake him, steal sleep away from him when he clearly desperately needed it. 

Jason nudged his way to the edge of the bed, trying to sneak away to the bathroom - but when he heard a harsh snort from Gar, he knew him well enough to know that this had signaled the end of his sleep; a harsh jolt awake. 

“Where are you going?” Gar mumbled tiredly, not even having his eyes fully open yet before he frantically looked around for Jason. 

“I was just gonna go shower, crawl outta my ass.” Jason hissed back, still feeling a bit raw and defensive. 

He knew that Gar would sacrifice anything for him, but he still felt unworthy. Like a puffer fish growing big in defense, Jason was spitting out sourness in a last-ditch attempt to get Gar to change his mind - to shift his thinking last minute and suddenly see the truth: to find him unworthy. 

Jason was almost shocked when Gar smiled. 

Gar held back a clever quip about how he had made a home inside Jason’s ass and he wasn’t going to change that now. 

“I’ll come with you.” He said instead. “Hot shower sounds nice right about now.” 

“You should stay and sleep.” Jason told him, still teetering on the edge of the bed. “You’re clearly tired.” 

“And you’re not?” Gar probed back. 

There was a moment of tense silence. Jason didn’t offer up a reply. 

“Come on, what’s this about?” Gar asked, fully opening his eyes now, propping himself up on one elbow to stare Jason down. 

“After I get dressed, I have to go and talk to Dick.” Jason declared. 

The words were heavy in the air. 

The admission that he no longer felt the need to run. That he wanted to make an effort to stay, that he actually wanted to ask for his place back with the Titans. 

Gar wanted to squeal with glee. Naturally, he held himself back. There would be a few more bumps in the road before Jason was officially home. 

“Not by yourself.” Gar told him sharply. 

Jason’s jaw clenched. He was afraid to admit that he needed the help. It was something he had been afraid of for a long time. 

But he knew that without Gar’s help, without Gar vouching for him in Dick’s eyes, the conversation would likely only go one way. 

And he needed to come home. He needed to stay. 

Jason felt weak, and his voice was quiet when he finally mustered it up. 

“Okay.” 

It was a weak surrender. But things between him and Gar had never been that kind of battle. Not the kind of battle that he had with Bruce, or with Dick, or even with himself. There was never any true hatred there. Just the kind of fierce anger you feel when you love someone so much that you fear losing them. 

So this surrender didn’t feel like a stain on his record - didn’t feel too much like giving up, after all. Not when the picture he ended up with had him and Gar in the same frame. It was something that made him feel more content and less defeated when Gar poorly concealed a smile in response - and then pulled him in for a kiss before getting up to grab towels for their shower.

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot, so please do not ask for a second part or a continuation. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work that has been written.

Also, typically, I don't write character x character fics, so if you randomly found this in tags and you really like it - I apologize, because the rest of my masterlist is not like this and I won't be writing anything else like it anytime soon. I do write a lot of Titans fics and I have a lot more of them on my masterlist, so if you enjoy my style of smut or if you really enjoy my characterization of these two, then you should definitely check out the other things I have written - particularly No Place Like Home, which has a lot more JayGar scenes in it.

If you do really like my writing style and you want to see Titans x Reader fics (which is what I typically write), then you can follow me and sign up for my DC Titans Taglist by replying to this post asking to be put on the taglist or sending me an ask about it. Anyway, glad you enjoying the fic if you read this far, thanks for reading!!

[thehelltingvilleclub]

May Osewai - Crippling Case of the Cringe

you better hope to god she isn't actually sadako, because she will judge you on your search history on her way through your browser--

Mayumi “May” Osewai [09/09/81] Secretary of Manga AOL / Online Users : [sadako_chan] Theme Songs: Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie | She’s Out of Her Mind - blink-182 | FUNERAL GREY - Waterparks

Favorite Shit: Anime Adaptations, Visual novels, Horror / Gore, Battle Royale(s), Monster Movies, Slasher Flicks, Acrylic Stands, Hard Covers, Asian horror, Foreign Films, Evangelion : Neon Genesis, Ghost in the Shell, Corpse Party, Torrent Sites, The X-Men, Spawn, Teen Titans, Accurate Translations, Uncensored Doujins, Silent Hill, Serial Experiments : Lain

Dude get this girl a therapist and someone other than a rabid werewolf for a brain-worm weird fluttery thought friend GUEHAKL. please. please. With literally no other friends and no longer in an environment surrounded by.. "peers", she kind of has no choice but to keep putting up with Bill despite how much of a creep he gets sometimes. They're like a family.. A horrifically disfunctional family that should maybe only meet every other christmas, and yet they're glued together despite it all. It has to be karma punishing them, right?

We are the weirdos, Mister.

This poor girl has a really bad anxiety problem and is also horrifically oblivious to a lot of things which is not a good combo. She hates the thought of missing something or making someone upset by having to make them explain, but good god she cannot read a room sometimes--

She also maybe most definitely has autism. that might have something to do with it..

She masks well enough that she genuinely just thought she was "weird" and just kinda accepted it when she moved to the states. She didn't even start to think about it until Jerry started bringing up the shit he learned in therapy.

She honestly is just kinda.. Blunt? good or bad, though she does have enough forethought to keep the bad thoughts to herself most of the time. It's more in a quiet "wait, what did she just say?" kind of way.

She struggles to express actual internal monologue, her actual emotions and thoughts on the boys, but she shows it in.. other ways.

She genuinely cares about the boys, yes even bill, though he's like.. Like if Jane and Bill were closer in age and Bill actually wouldn't leave her the FUCK alone.

Though it's not like Pete's any better-- he always so weirdly macho and it's... kinda funny? Weirdly endearing? Like a little terrier going going absolutely ballistic on the screen door. Heh. cute.

May has designed entire pokemon decks and trainer teams for the boys. They'll get posted eventually I promise vuv

She absolutely tries to play card games with Jerry and Matt, though she really only likes the play Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh, but she'll happily watch the two smears duke it out.

its kinda funny seeing Matt lose every once in a while.

May and Josh argue about Evangelion ALL THE TIME and it's honestly annoying but it's also very funny to see Josh get flashbacks about asuka--

She is also one of the first people Josh goes to to hang out with, even if it's just over a phone call.. well, at least for a while. He likes to talk, so she just kinda doodled mindlessly or painted her figures while listening.

... she could tell he needed it.

ALso girls omg she is still the clumsiest woman I have ever seen. She might need a new prescription like seriously.

May got a job at the local family video, so you bet your ASS Pete harasses her at work whenever he can sneak out of his own work duties. He's lucky he's cute...

She may be oblivious to some emotions, but she's not stupid.

She collects stuffed animals, but mostly pokemon plushies and assorted horror mascots. She is still really embarrassed about having them, but literally can't sleep if she doesn't have at least one like it's a problem--

She is also like icy cold. All the time. like she just pulled her hands out of the freezer. Pete uses this as an excuse to hold her hands because he's a fucking smear I swear to god he needs to grow some BALLS

ALSO HI CAN I TALK ABOUT HER SHIRT FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS ITs an indie japanese-canadian band called "Rotten Cherries" and it does rock covers of japanese pop music and even some remakes of songs by The Cranberries and Boa

THanks guYs

Also I enjoy the reference pic for her pajama shorts LMAO

GUYH Have May.

Also sorry for repeat info at the top, it's to keep with the formatting fhdsjkafinfdsajhfkdlsfhl

[rockalillygirl]

Murderbot Holding Hands

(Minor spoilers alert for Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy pls check the tags)

First real post because I’m shy. Don’t know why it’s going to be a hyper-specific murderbot meta but here we go:

I’ve been rereading all the books after finishing System Collapse <3 and I want to talk about a small moment in Artificial Condition that I’d never noticed before. It’s near the end of the book when Tapan is in ART’s medsystem after nearly dying, and SecUnit says that when Tapan wakes up it’s holding her hand.

When Tapan woke, I was sitting on the MedSystem’s platform holding her hand. (Artificial Condition, p. 155 in my ebook)

I thought it was a really sweet moment, but it also kind of puzzled me because of SecUnit’s aversion to touch. Later when I was reading Exit Strategy, I noticed a similar moment when SecUnit holds hands with Mensah to help disguise them as they’re trying to escape TranRollinHyfa.

[Mensah] took a deep breath and looked up at me. “We can look calm. We’re good at that.” Yeah, we were. I did a quick review to make sure I was running all my not-a-SecUnit code, then I thought of one more thing I could do. As we stepped out of the pod, I took Mensah’s hand. (Exit Strategy, p. 87)

Reading these scenes felt different in a couple ways. In my opinion, SecUnit taking Mensah’s hand in Exit Strategy seemed like more of a big deal because it was a part of SecUnit’s reunion with Mensah, and we see its thoughts and emotions leading up to it. And it tracks that SecUnit might feel ok holding Mensah’s hand in that situation because of their close friendship. But the moment in Artificial Condition is more mysterious. We don’t get any of SecUnit’s internal monologue at the beginning because the scene opens when Tapan wakes up. And even though it’s clear in the book that SecUnit likes Tapan along with Rami and Maro, I wouldn’t say their relationship is anywhere near as close as its bond with Mensah. So why did it hold her hand?

I think it’s a neat moment that’s fun to ponder! And I have some vague ideas I’d like to share about it. (Some of this is based on the books and some is my speculation as an ace/aspec person dealing with touch aversion.) (Also none of these thoughts are mutually exclusive!)

Maybe SecUnit saw holding Tapan’s hand as a form of first aid after her traumatic experience and didn’t want her to panic waking up in a strange ship’s medsystem. This fits with SecUnit bracing itself to hug Mensah in Exit Strategy. (The memes of this moment are perfect lol)

But I was the only one here, so I braced myself and made the ultimate sacrifice. “Uh, you can hug me if you need to.” She started to laugh, then her face did something complicated and she hugged me. I upped the temperature in my chest and told myself it was like first aid. (Exit Strategy, pp. 82-3)

But I feel like SecUnit might not care as much about comforting Tapan in a similar way if it hadn’t already built up some kind of trust with her? Which brings me to Thought 2:

I think SecUnit might have felt safe holding Tapan’s hand because of the moment in Artificial Condition in the second transient hostel when Tapan laid down next to it. (Ofc I think rescuing Tapan from Tlacey’s ship was also a factor, trauma-bonding and all. But to me this moment in the hostel is more important.)

Thirty-two minutes later, I heard movement. I thought Tapan was getting up to go to the restroom facility, but then she settled on the pad behind me, not quite touching my back… I had never had a human touch me, or almost touch me, like this before and it was deeply, deeply weird. (Artificial Condition, pp. 136-7)

This is one of my favorite sequences in Artificial Condition (which is also my favorite book in the series because of ART! And because I find it quiet, reflective, and weirdly cozy even though objectively few cozy things happen now that I think about it). The scene is pretty mundane with a lot of fun bits like SecUnit pretending to need to use the restroom, be on a diet, etc. And we usually don’t get to see SecUnit hanging out with only one person. So it gives room for some small, but important feelings that I don’t think SecUnit has time to explore when it’s busy saving the day. Like how it feels about physical contact with humans.

(idk it reminds me of how like in ghibli films there’s usually at least one scene with the characters eating a meal or something because it sort of grounds everything else. I just like it!)

Tapan being close to SecUnit seems to throw if off-guard, but the context of the scene feels non-threatening and pretty mellow. So I think this gives SecUnit the opportunity to check-in with itself about this new experience. It still feels weird about it, but not in a scary or upsetting way. I think it’s almost this mutual vulnerability (Tapan feeling vulnerable and seeking comfort and SecUnit feeling vulnerable about her closeness and its own boundaries) that creates a bond between them, and that’s why SecUnit reaches out to Tapan to comfort her when she wakes up onboard ART.

That scene has become really special to me. And I would argue that it’s an important moment to SecUnit too because it brings it up again in Exit Strategy, along with a later moment in Rogue Protocol, thinking about times when it’s experienced physical contact with humans in a non-traumatizing way.

Except it wasn’t entirely awful. It was like when Tapan had slept next to me at the hostel, or when Abene had leaned on me after I saved her; strange, but not as horrific as I would have thought. (Exit Strategy, p. 83)

These moments seem to lead up to SecUnit offering to comfort Mensah later on because it’s reached a point where it feels willing to do so for her sake, even if it doesn’t want to seek out that kind of comfort for itself. And it’s really cool to see SecUnit navigate this throughout the books.

SecUnit starts the series with a strong innate sense that it doesn’t want to be touched by humans, but it’s allowed to refine those feelings in light of its new experiences. It’s boundaries are situational and personal, and even well-meaning humans sometimes struggle to understand them at first. Other times, SecUnit finds it difficult to understand it’s own feelings regarding touch and even changes its mind. But, importantly, the narrative always presents this as valid and worthy of respect.

This is a much more nuanced and realistic portrayal of defining boundaries than I’ve seen in a lot of media- one where it’s a constant and sometimes confusing process of self-discovery.

And these might seem like obvious concepts to some people, but they weren’t for me growing up. I really wish I’d read these books when I was younger, and maybe I would’ve given myself more grace to define my comfort level, grow, and change. But I’m glad that I’m in a place now where I can see and appreciate these things in what’s become one of my favorite series.

Anyway, I don’t want to say "thanks for coming to my TedTalk” lol. But very grateful to anyone who reads this and hope it was thought-provoking. Would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts on these scenes!

[curly4830]

Finished ISAT last night, this game was an emotional rollercoaster from start to end, tbh. I've got a lot of thoughts about the game and they're all pretty short, but I'd like to list some of them here.

The coin is interesting! I think mechanically it's a good way to check Siffrin's internal monologue of the same thing, regardless of area/party status. But story wise, it's a whole other thing to me. Loop and Siffrin have their own kind of Heads/Tails duality, and Odile's coin flip makes me think that it could have/might have been Loop in our Siffrin's place instead, if things had gone just a little differently. Siffrin's forgetfulness being both a foreshadow to his home country AND the potential years worth of time stuck in the loops. and the player's forgetfulness, that too. Another angle I'd like to explore in the future is Siffrin's sprites, and the (possibly intended) idea of taking the growing space covered in shadow on his face as a loss of humanity/the concept of self. It helps take the idea of Siffrin seeing himself as an actor to the next level for me. You could extend this to the Mal Du Pays/Bigfrin sequences being the total loss of self, Siffrin being sent over the edge(and subsequently grounded by his party members). But he made it back! and that's really what matters, isn't it. It's very in line with the literal context of the scenes but I appreciate that the lines are there to be read between, even if not everybody cares to. i definitely think about faces/the self a normal amount, you can trust me i swear. Siffrin clearly did not have enough problems on his own so I had to push my whole faces/sense of self thing on him too. Loop. oh god Loop. I have a lot of thoughts about Loop and their Identity, and it's going to take a while to figure out! but i'm totally fine with that. is it morally wrong to feel a deep kinship to loop?? i don't know!!! i'm gonna find out though. i was actually just recently thinking about how i don't like using the term kinning for characters because it feels very intimate and I can't say i've felt the same thing other people who kin characters feel. BUT. i think loop gave me some kind of disease i think i'm not well I just couldn't do most of the Dagger dialogue. It was too much for me personally. I did it once and it made me feel bad enough to return it and swear off the idea. until i go back to finish achievements, that is. Fucked up, though!! The loops and their infinite catharsis started to mean nothing at all until they make the even more fucked up mega catharsis. I thought Signalis and it's ending hit me hard but this game reduced me to a crying mess by the end. And lastly I'm very appreciative of @usefulnt0409 for being there to help me through the entire game. I like sharing my first playthroughs of things with people that enjoy them. Having them around to help with mechanical stuff I'd never pick up on(Loop dialogues and the conditions associated with most of them) and when I'd accidentally skip a dialogue just made the experience very special. I don't think I'll soon forget this game, it was an incredible experience even through the gas leak 5am vcs. I think they made it better.

[lucky-katebishop]

So I'm back to reading Robin 1993 comics after a few good months! Here are some of my favorite screenshots I took from issues 38-45 :D

Stephanie's internal monologue being depicted as diary entries are so cute! I think it's so innovative!

Batman has no fun :(

Tim wants to be Chandler Bing SO bad...

Ari's cliche teenage door signs I like to believe she either got ironically or her uncle got those for her because he saw them and thought "ah, yes, teenagers have signs like these"

I think Tim and Steph's relationship is really interesting in the early comics. Tim has so many problems as Tim and when he's Robin, he's able to shed his insecurities and problems and become someone that's confident. He refers a lot to his civilian life as Tim's and his superhero life as Robin's- they're separated because it makes it easier to compartmentalize, but it also helps him escape his troubles. Although these lines blur a lot- like when he stalks after Ives as Robin in these issues to see why Ives is skipping school and showing up with bruises. But I also see that Tim is able to be more confident as Robin because there's less emotional vulnerability- he's hiding a very important aspect of himself away. And during these issues, he's gotten in trouble with his dad and Ari's uncle and no one is listening to him, so I understand why he prefers to go out as Robin since it gives him a certain credibility amongst adults that would normally ignore him. What's interesting is that he recognizes that his separation of his lives is difficult, but he can't stop doing it.

Stephanie and Tim's relationship is skewed and their relationship exists with several different power balances. She makes him off kilter with her confidence, but he makes her off kilter by knowing her civilian name and referring her as that even in the heat of battle. He knows a lot about her (including her identity) but she doesn't know anything about him other than she's able to fluster him and tease him a lot. And I think that's part of the reason why Tim likes her so much- (besides being attracted to her and of her ability to keep up with him in their vigilante identities) but also he can hide his emotional vulnerability from her because he's constantly wearing a mask. She doesn't know anything about him- he's not an awkward teenager who often says the wrong thing and gets himself into trouble. He's not someone who adults ignore or straight up antagonize- when he's Robin, when he's with her, he's someone important. He's a hero. But he's not being inherently honest with her.

Some cute Tim/Steph screenshots :) -- (I do like them a lot, even though Tim's being annoying and cheating on Ari with her)

I haven't read Superboy yet but... this is Kon, right? Steph has a poster of Kon in her room? (If it's not him, please let me know!)

LOVE her outfit- I adore that we're seeing more of Steph in these issues.

Tim's love of Crocky <3 <3 <3 (he was fighting for his life with Alfred during this issue)

No one:

Tim: :D

Here's some appreciative animal screenshots

Dana Winters Appreciation Screenshot :)

Great parenting Jack...

I am so sick of this character. Why did Dixon keep putting him in here ugh

I-

Alright thanks for getting this far if you did! I'm back reading comics so here's to more of this silly little series! :D

[plusultraetc]

for the dvd commentary meme: show me where to find the silver lining, from:

“It could be broken,” Aizawa says.

to:

“Recovery Girl,” he says. “Now.”

Tysm for sending an ask!! You are so good at picking out like. the FIRST scene I wrote in a fic omg (I went back to at least Draft 2 and this scene remained almost entirely unchanged for the 14-ish months I was making tiny, picky edits to this fic!)

also I am stealing your & @blinkeasy's format for these, whoops <3

“It could be broken,” Aizawa says. Because you landed on it like an idiot, he doesn’t need to point out. “You’re not doing yourself any favors waiting for it to start swelling.” He tilts his head a little more and Hitoshi fights the juvenile urge to hold the injury away from him. “Scratch that. It is swelling. We’re going to see Recovery Girl.” “What?” Hitoshi gapes as Aizawa stands. “I don’t need to see Recovery Girl.” When his mentor only looks at him, one eyebrow raised, he says, “I don’t. I just leaned on it too hard, but it doesn’t even hurt now.”

First thing that comes to mind here is that I worried a lot about Shinsou's characterization in this fic being inconsistent with the rest of the expansion pack--too outwardly expressive, and somewhat childish. We've seen Shinsou in pain & beating himself up before, and most of the time he gets quiet, which is... kind of the opposite of what he does in this section, and more in line with his behavior later in the fic. But in the end, I let him have a moment because 1) he did just literally break his wrist, and the surprise is both somewhat masking the pain and making him act out a little; and 2) he is sixteen lol. He's also a lot harsher on himself in this one than he is in almost* any other fic I've written from his POV, for reasons I will inevitably yap about in a moment.

*I say almost because I have another all-but-finished Shinsou fic hanging out in my docs in which he confronts the relationship between his quirk and other people more directly and 😬

This lie very clearly doesn’t go over as smoothly. “It’s swelling,” Aizawa repeats flatly. “Sprains swell.” “It’s red.” Hitoshi looks back at his wrist, which is actually inflating kind of fast and is most definitely a specific shade of early-bruising red. There is a chance, however slim, that Recovery Girl should look at it. But—

Skip this little paragraph to avoid a kind of gross fact!! I chose the word "inflating" here based very much on a real injury I witnessed (everyone was ultimately okay, obv, it was just kind of freaky to see in real time)

"There is a chance, however slim, that Recovery Girl should look at it" makes me laugh every time I read it. I love referencing memes in Shinsou's internal monologue specifically, although I do sometimes fear the ones I choose are too dated for someone his age. Then again, MHA is set in sci-fi superhero future Japan, so I try not to worry too much about whether or not my memes are accurate lol

“I can go after training.” Aizawa’s expression flattens with one of those hard-to-read emotions, but in this case it might be a close neighbor of exasperation. “I’m letting you go early today,” he says, and Hitoshi’s heart sinks. “Therefore it is now after training. Get up.” “I can keep working,” he insists. He casts around for an argument that isn’t I bet you don’t send people like Midoriya to Recovery Girl in the middle of class because they fell down, even though what he wants to say is I bet you don’t send people like Midoriya to Recovery Girl in the middle of class because they fell down, or maybe I’m not made of glass just because I’m not in the Hero Course yet and I thought that’s why you agreed to train me, so what gives? “I can still move my fingers. It’s not broken.”  

Okay I actually love the Midoriya comparison in this paragraph so much. I've talked about this before, but I really enjoy his & Shinsou's dynamic--as mirror characters, as occasional rivals, and eventually, as friends. At this point, Midoriya is very much the bar Shinsou measures his Hero Course aspirations against after Midoriya knocked him out of the Sports Festival tournament, which is ironic, because they have more in common than Shinsou could possibly know. (This is another reason that I find it incredibly funny when they see each other again at the joint training exercise and are both immediately like REMATCH REMATCH REMATCH.)

I also love the Midoriya mention bc like. Early on in the series, Aizawa spent a lot of time telling Midoriya to stop breaking his own bones and trying to discourage him from relying on that 'strategy.' Shinsou says 'why can Midoriya break his arm and keep training >:(' and Aizawa replies 'my quirk was literally introduced in a scene in which I stopped him from doing that, try again'

(I feel like Aizawa has strong but complicated opinions about training with, or to the point of, physical injury. For no reason. Something something experience, something something necessity.)

Aizawa eyes Hitoshi’s wrist skeptically. “If it’s hurting you, it doesn’t matter if it’s not broken.” “I can still train.” Even to his own ears, he’s sounding a little hysterical. Logical, he reminds himself. Aizawa likes logical. He tamps down on his rising panic and a surprising, irrational flare of anger, and tries a different tack. “What if I get hurt on patrol when I’m a pro? Or in a fight? I’m going to need to learn to work around it.”

The key word for me in this section is 'surprising.' Shinsou doesn't really know why he's lashing out at Aizawa right now; he's aware, of course, that tensions have been running high at UA and beyond since the training camp disaster, the Kamino Incident, and All Might's retirement, but it's really hard in the moment to realize just how much that background anxiety is influencing his day-to-day thoughts and feelings. I talked about this a little in the end notes, but I really wanted to touch on that subtle, end-of-an-era anxiety in this fic, although I go back and forth on how effective I was at doing so.

It also feels relevant to mention that, in the wake of the All Might vs AFO fight & in spite of Aizawa's later comment about pain and injury being more temporary than ever due to quirks like Recovery Girl's, Shinsou's mind immediately goes to the idea of getting hurt and having no choice but to keep going, keep fighting, anyway.

Aizawa’s eyes narrow, his mouth a thin line. “You’re not a pro hero right now,” he says, a note of steel in his voice. “You’re a student—my student.” “Yeah, well,” Hitoshi says, clipped. “Your students get hurt all the time.” The words surprise him almost as much as they surprise Aizawa. Unnervingly, Hitoshi sees his surprise—a flicker across his face, fleeting but obvious in a way that’s almost uncomfortable. The regret hits him like a bus, flattens his own anger beneath its metaphorical tires, but it’s too late. Aizawa’s expression closes down faster than UA’s security wall when someone trips the alarm.

I REALLY LOVE THE UA SECURITY WALL METAPHOR. It's one of those things that I think both sets the tone & utilizes the setting at once--like, the first 'very fast thing' that this teenager would think of is the big metal wall that can spring up around his school at any given moment, just in case villains attack them. Again.

Also: surprised Pikachu Aizawa. I actually reblogged a post a couple days ago that featured surprised Aizawa dot gif, which is like. Kinda close to the expression I was picturing here lol. I feel like the key word 'surprising' thing applies here as well--Aizawa and Shinsou have settled into a certain rapport since they started training together, and this is definitely an out-of-character outburst that just so happens to relate to the thing Aizawa has definitely been beating himself up over for weeks, if not months. Fortunately, as Aizawa teaches teenagers, he's also pretty used to their outbursts.

“I didn’t mean—” he starts, but Aizawa cuts him off. “Recovery Girl,” he says. “Now.”

Shinsou very much interprets Aizawa's shortness here as anger, but really, this is the Let Aizawa Rest fic. We've talked before about how USJ and the training camp are like, Aizawa's worst fears made real, and now this man is just a big ball of exhaustion and validated paranoia dragging himself from life-and-death responsibility to life-and-death responsibility. Not only do I not really see him taking offense to what Shinsou said, but even if he did, he just. Doesn't have the energy to. The kid is right, after all :(

[hyptrance1]

Hypnosis Challenge 4 : Hypnosis Boogaloo 

Hi guys, this is my fourth hypnosis challenge, and the first one I have written since probably 2019. I have had a lot of people asking for a new one so here it is. The goal is simple: try not to get hypnotized while reading this. If you don’t congratulations, you won! I’m super happy for you. If you do lose the challenge and go under, you’ll be given a post hypnotic suggestion to dm me your first name, age, and a phrase. If you dont want to do that, then my best advice is to not do this and leave now 😅. Simple as that. If you do decide to do this, just know that this is 18+ so don’t continue if you’re not of age. I mean it. Alright, that seems to be enough forewarning, so without further ado, let the challenge begin and good luck!

I’ve done a lot of these text inductions before and from one sub that has gone under to them a lot, he says that this is how he usually finds himself when he starts reading one of these inductions. He says that he tries to not get too comfortable, because getting too comfortable especially when reading makes it that much easier to focus on my words in front of him. Mind you, he also says that reading those first few sentences, just like diving into a book that you really want to read or a movie that you really want to see, sucks your attention is so that without even realizing it he’s shifting in his seat or in bed, getting into a more comfortable position while reading my words. It’s almost like a subconscious reaction, just settling in to focus on something. It makes sense, we are programmed to try and get comfortable when focusing on something, makes it easier to read and focus. Our bodies just want to get comfortable anyways, so completely makes sense to me. 

He then says that the wording I use for the induction is pretty nice. It’s like he’s reading his own thoughts sometimes. Usually he says he hears it in his own voice, like an inner monologue, slow and rhythmic. I don’t intentionally do this mind you, it’s just the way that I write tends to be easy enough to read, at a good pace, and sounds just like someone talking to you. He said that I also use words meant to make the reader focus more, like follow, focus, simple, easy. I don’t really understand what he means by this, but I get the gist that the words I use make it easy for people to focus and pay attention to. It’s not too hard to understand. I don’t use big, difficult words. It’s all just pretty simple. 

He then says that I do a good job at describing how he feels when he is reading my words, what his body feels. His breathing slows down and then his body just seems to relax with him. That was an easy one to explain to him. How our bodies start to naturally just relax when we slowly begin to inhale fully and gently exhale completely. It allows for more air to get into our bodies, which allows for our muscles to begin the process of relaxing. He called it melting into his seat, which is cute, but relaxing is the better way to describe it. Usually I remind people that each slow inhale and gentle exhale is also doing something for them as well. Each slow inhale allowing for more positive emotions to begin filling the body: happiness, calm, relaxation. Every gentle exhale though does the opposite, it allows for all the negatives to leave the person and allow for them to relax further. Less worries, cares, stress. It can just be breathed out while you allow your body to relax and focus on the positive feelings coming in with every slow inhale. 

Usually I focus on the lowest part of the body and work my way up, but its also nice sometimes to just have the person picture where they hold in the most stress in their bodies and let the tension their go first. For me it’s the shoulders. I always seem to have a lot of tension there, so I would imagine as I am slowly inhaling all this relaxation flowing into my shoulders, pushing out any stress, tension, or tightness for me to gently exhale. I can feel my shoulders get heavier then, sink lower down my sides. Then, when I feel I have gotten rid of all the negative in that part of my body, I would move onto the next part, and then the next. Allowing the slow inhale to unstick the negative things from their place and the gentle exhale to breathe them out. 

But I forgot why we’re here, to focus on an induction. My sub says that the next thing I do is tease him a little bit, say that he is having trouble looking away from my words even though the goal of the induction is to try and not go under. I would say something like, “you can look away all you want, but you notice that your eyes slowly continue to return to their spot on the page, and you find that you continue reading at a slow and easy pace”. He says that anytime he reads that he remembers he’s supposed to try and resist, and tries to look away, but his eyes always return back to the same part of the reading. Again and again, trying to look away all the while his eyes just return to the thing they know he wants to continue reading. It’s cute how he says it can be frustrating resisting when my words make it so easy to relax and focus on. 

He lastly said that I just seem to relate to the guys that read my words. I understand that it’s not always my relaxing words or easy phrases that make a guy finally sink completely to my words. We are all normal people, some of us are stressed, some of us have had a long day, some of us have just come back from work or the gym, and some of us and just wanting to goo deeper into that mindless, empty, peaceful feeling. Whatever the case, that also contributes to guys going under to my words as well. 

It is usually at this point in the induction that I find a guy is probably relaxed enough, calm enough, and focused enough to try and take under completely. By this time their slow inhaling and gentle exhaling has caused most of the negativity in their body to be filled with positive, comfortable feelings, and their bodies are usually relaxed by this point. Their minds focused on my words, there’s really nothing else left to do besides count down from ten, letting  them know that their minds will sink deeper and deeper with each number until, when I reach 0, they will be completely hypnotized. I usually ask if they understand that, especially since if they are so relaxed, reading further will take them under and they will lose the challenge, but the challenge usually doesn’t seem important to them now that they’re so content reading my words, listening to them floating in their heads, and wanting to go completely hypnotized. So I begin. 

10

The countdown is slow, with spaces in between to remind guys how they’re feeling. 

9

Still slowly inhaling and gently exhaling. Allowing for the rest of their worries and stress to disappear from their bodies. 

8

No need to worry about thinking or thoughts when you’re so focused on my words. 

7

Completely relaxing your muscles. 

6

Gently exhaling your thoughts.

5

My words filling your mind.

4

Simple. Easy. Relaxing. 

3

As you allow yourself. 

2

To sink. 

1

Completely Hypnotized.

0

Empty. 

Now at this moment you just wanted to continue to read. Continue to follow the words in front of you. At this point you feel yourself hypnotized and entranced by my words. This lovely feeling is enveloping you like a comfy blanket. 

You should also know, if you are feeling so good and relaxed, that you are under hypnosis. As a reminder, this meant that you lost the challenge and had to complete a task for me. The task is simple. When you wake up from this trance you can dm me your first name, age, and that you lost the challenge and were hypnotized by my words. If you do not wish to complete this post hypnotic suggestion, please feel free not to complete it and to disregard the rest of this paragraph. For those of you that are okay with following this direction, you can feel that post hypnotic suggestion flow into your mind with the rest of my words, ready to be followed when you wake up. 

Which, in another moment you will wake when I count to 3. I want you to all feel nice, relaxed, and hoary when you wake from this trance, content and feeling well rested. You will feel peaceful from your time reading these words. Now:

1

Thoughts returning to your mind

2

Becoming more alert, more awake, more conscious. 

3

Wide awake. 

Wide, wide awake. 

Alright then, hopefully you enjoyed this new rendition of an old classic challenge. If you won or lost, congratulations and I hope that you enjoyed yourself somehow. If you have questions comments or concerns feel free to let me know. Other than that, until I do another one of these…if I do another one of these…maybe. 

Have a good one. 

[despair-inc]

Thinking about every movie I saw in theaters (or remember watching in theaters, anyways) in 2024. Kind of a ranked list but the criteria is how much I liked it.

1: The Substance. The unchallenged lead for both "best movie I saw all year" and "favorite movie of the year". The beautifully grotesque child of New French Extremity and USAmerican style Elevated Horror, it has the best performances of the year, oodles of extremely impactful and pointed imagery, and amazing special effects. Just amazing stuff all around.

2: The Wild Robot. Undisputed champion of "best family movie of 2024”, it has beautiful visuals and makes quite a lot out of its simple and heartfelt story about family and community. Can't judge the original dub's performances because in Mexico it was only released in theaters dubbed into Lat Am Spanish, but hats off to the dub cast, they were killing it the entire film.

3: Robot Dreams. Technically a 2023 release, but in Mexico it played in early 2024, so it goes on the list. Amazingly heartfelt and melancholic, I was bawling on the theater. Once again, also just beautiful to look at, an amazing work of animation that functions entirely without dialogue.

4: Inside Out 2. I will always be biased in favor of Pixar because, like most people on this website, I grew up watching their movies, and those movies from 2010 and before are all universally good. That being said, after the stumbled releases of Lightyear and Elemental, this was a surprise by being actually pretty good. That being said, it's held back by having a plot that's basically a retread of the first movie (Riley experiences a stressful life situation and emotions that shouldn't be solely in charge of her mental state take over and fuck shit up), so overall it's a bit weak on that regard. Still, very solid and fun movie, and if The Wild Robot hadn't come out in the same year, it would be the strongest family release of a major USAmerican studio of the year. Possibly the best non-Toy Story sequel Pixar has made.

5: Wicked. It was pretty nice to have a live action musical film that was overall well made and performed and that people actually went to see, unlike shit like Cats or Dear Evan Hansen, or Spielberg's West Side Story which was actually good but no one went to see. People on here have ragged on the lighting and it is kinda bad in some scenes, but when actually watching it, I didn't really notice it, because the rest of the stuff was very compelling. Here's hoping that Part 2 lives up to the hype.

6: Dune 2. Not much to say about this one because I went to see it first thing in the morning after only sleeping like three hours, so I'm pretty sure I slept through like a quarter of the film. The stuff that I do remember was pretty good though, like that one fight scene in Black and White. I need to rewatch this one to give it a fair shot.

7: Deadpool & Wolverine. I'm like 90% sure that this was the only major USAmerican Superhero movie released in 2024, but it still probably would've been the best superhero movie of the year if others had released. I'm kinda hoping that they keep this movie as the final Deadpool movie because while it is pretty good at what it does, the shtick is too worn out. Like, where can Deadpool 4 go? It's not gonna happen, cause DP sells well and Reynolds has developed an allergy to appearing in movies that are creative, but dreaming is free.

8: In A Violent Nature. This is the movie that surprised me the most this year, even if I was already aware of the concept of "a slasher film from the killer's POV". The very sensate and deliberate aesthetics of having no non-diegetic music and constant scenes of our killer walking in the woods seem boring on paper but work very well when you're actually watching it, and when it goes for more traditional slasher film aesthetics, like the kill scenes, it does them exceptionally well. And the extremely tense monologue scene at the end is an amazing finale to cap things off. That being said, it can get pretty slow and I think that the concept only really works for one movie. I read that they're gonna make a second one, and I really hope that they think of a different aesthetic style for it because reusing this one will probably turn part 2 into a slog.

9: Next Goal Wins. First movie I saw this year, and it is thoroughly unremarkable and forgettable. Pretty standard white savior sports story where the main white guy learns to loosen up while the Samoans get good enough at actual football to reach their meager goal of scoring at least one goal in the climactic big game. It had some laughs, and it is the only movie I saw in theaters with an openly transgender character in it, but it's really nothing special or noteworthy. Hell, the most memorable thing about it for me is that the guy who sat in front of me when I watched it spent the whole movie playing games on his phone and blasting my eyes with its light. I wonder if Waititi will make movies worth watching again, or if he's gonna be pegged as peaking with Jojo Rabbit and then falling off.

10: We Live In Time. This movie was surprisingly good. I went to see it on a whim because I had to go pick up some stuff and there was a promo on the ticket prices at the time (30 MXN ticket at Cinemex Fashion Drive, it's a steal even if they recover the money with the popcorn), and I rather enjoyed the non linear structure and the very good performances. Honestly, it just gets a low spot because I've never been into pure romance films so it's a bit unmemorable for me, I ain't gonna watch it a second time.

11: Venom The Last Dance. I guess I didn't count it as a major USAmerican Superhero Movie because Sony's "Spider-Man minus Spider-Man Movie Universe" never felt like major releases, and the Venom movies, regardless of how much I have enjoyed them, are a bit like the cheap knockoff of Deadpool. And just like DP, the third entry is the weakest of the series. Unlike DP, at least we know that they're not gonna milk the series dry because in between the Symbiote dying at the end and the failure of Kraven the Hunter, I'm pretty sure that Sony is just gonna give up. The movie itself is a kinda subpar action film, and while it got me a few laughs and it has a few standout scenes, like Venom dancing with Mrs Chen or Otto Hightower's UFO Conspiracy Theorist family, it's nothing remarkable. It has a very "Movie that plays on Canal Cinco on a sunday morning" vibe.

12: Joker Folie A Deux. I don't need to tell everyone that this movie is bad. It flopped and everyone hated it. I'm actually in the camp that this movie is a bit better than its reputation makes it out to be. If nothing else, I'm giving Todd Phillips props for trying to make a movie that spits on the face of the misaimed fandom of the first one, even if he thoroughly fucked it up. Still, the attempts at making a diegetic jukebox musical fall completely flat, and the performances of Gaga and Phoenix can't save the script like Phoenix did on the first one. I can only recommend checking this one out via the magic of online piracy, it ain't worth money.

13: The Apprentice. This is the movie I hated the most out of all the movies I saw this year, mostly because the things I heard about it made it sound a lot better than it was. It's a political movie that, ultimately, only has the message that Donald Trump is Bad with very little examination of the systemic issues that made him rise to the position he rose to. It is overwrought, the performances can't save the script and it honestly wouldn't have been in theaters if it wasn't an election year. Worst movie I saw in 2024, not even worth pirating.

[dearanemo]

lacy ⊙﹏⊙∥

SHOYO goes to Brazil.

Damn, it’s hard being in a foreign country.

He saw Kageyama in tv — regretful; his wallet gets stolen - a gift from his dear sister and the only thing he has to remind himself of his hometown; he can’t speak the country language very well; he has to work reaaaallly hard to get a generous but not enough amount of money and most importantly, there’s no known face around — he’s alone. Well, not alone because he has a Brazilian roommate, but that’s other story to be told. He gets really sad and has a rough internal monologue.

This fic is the incarnation of one of his thoughts about Kageyama during his stay in Brazil. Inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Lacy’.

(cross-posted on ao3)

pairing: hinata shoyo x kageyama tobio (kagehina/shobio)

genre: angst, internal homophobia, brazil arc shoyo, swearing, typical foreign experience, internal monologue.

word count: 437

“Volleyball is the only thing that I love so much that lingered so long in my life since my early years. With you, of course.”

No, I could never send him that. That’s so gay.

That message quickly dissolved into nothing inside the text box, never seeing the moment of sending.

I saw him today on the TV of a random bar, when I was working, of course. I don’t drink like that.

He was fantastic as always, he scored some points..and he looked so happy. I just stood before the screen, staring so hard.

He’s still as handsome as I remember him from my third years on Karasuno. It’s was the best thing for some time, a breather of seeing someone I know is good sometimes - even though he’s very far away.

I mean, I still talk to him sometimes, but it’s not the same. I feel so alone and isolated here.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Brazil. It’s so beautiful and amazing but…there’s no familiar faces and I can’t talk the language very well, it’s stopping me from loving here even more.

When I saw my phone’s wallpaper, what I felt before grew so much bigger. I stared and suddenly I felt my face wet. I was crying and I didn’t even realize, I miss familiarity so much. Even my wallet that my dear sister gave me was stolen - the only thing that i could somehow remember of Japan, even though it was a wallet and I lost a lot of stuff. Well that also made me really mad.

But in that moment on the phone, I thought about everyone, but it wasn’t long until Kageyama lingered in my mind once again. I’m convinced that it is emotional torture from my mind, and i hate it so much.

I know it’s wrong to think this way about another man, but what can I do if he’s everything i want?

I still remember when I saw him for the first time in that gymnasium in junior high. He has changed so much but he still rottens my mind. He’s so intelligent at volleyball and every team from outside and inside Japan wants him. He’s a natural talent. Suddenly my eyes poured even more tears on my skin, it burned. My face was contorted very badly from pure hatred.

Fuck..i want to be everything he is so badly. Or maybe just him instead. I don’t know.

I sat in my room alone, my back felt a bit warm from the corner of the room. Will I really be able to spend two years here?

© dearanemo 2024 · all rights reserved do not steal, plagarise, repost, modify, feed into ai or translate my work. thanks !