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tres-spades-hotel · 5 years ago

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Becoming the Perfect Father, Part II

Hey everyone! So @lin-ful @leoamber66 and @flatsuke inspired me to start writing again! Have fun reading this and prepare yourself for the angst and action across the story... enjoy!

Part II - Kiki’s Heirship, a Backstory of Memories

Hi, my name is Kiki.

I used to be an orphan on the streets of Japan. I had to fend for myself, always dipping in and out of society for a while when I realised my family were no good to me. The scar they left me with on my eye made the famous billionaire, Eisuke Ichinomiya, the man leading Japan’s economy, curious. I saw him one day and believed in my heart I could be safe. I was only 7 years old when I followed him into his hotel one evening.

He crouched down to ask where my parents were but upon hearing the word, I was both crying and hitting him on his chest.

I hated the world for thinking that parents and family were what kept you safe because I didn’t believe it was true.

He didn’t know what to do with me.

I didn’t know what to do with me.

So he took my hand and led me to the penthouse elevator, thinking that Uncle Baba and Uncle Ota could calm me down. And they did. Throughout my time with them for the first few weeks, I was happy. Everyone played with me, they were patient with me, they were curious about me.

Dad looked after me, mostly because he was concerned about Uncle Baba’s antics. Blackmail was all it took to make his brick walls faulter. That day, talk of sending me to an orphanage arose and, apparently, Uncle Baba did not like it.

So Dad kept me, almost like a pet. He fed me, gave me shelter, clothing, and toys. After all this time, I really owe Uncle Baba for helping me even though I didn’t know it then. But there was only one thing Dad wouldn’t give me: his affection. To be honest, I don’t think he knew what it meant to give warmth and love to another person, whether it’s a woman or a child. That is, not until Mum came into our lives.

Instead I spent most of my time asking questions and receiving no answers. They were mysterious people with the world held tight in their hands. They could do anything.

I wanted that ability too.

Of course, it would be some time before I realise what responsibilities that ability entailed. I thought that if I were powerful, I could look after myself and never get hurt again. But it just wasn’t true.

‘Boss, let’s play a bit of poker.’ Uncle Baba said one day.

‘No.’ Rejected.

Uncle Soryu looked up from his book and sent a disapproving look at him.

‘Baba, there is a child here.’

‘Poker is not for children.’ Uncle Mamo muttered sleepily.

Everybody shot Uncle Baba down for the suggestion.

‘I want to play! Can I play too?’ I shot my arm up and waved it around.

‘No.’ Rejected. Again.

‘Kid, you do not want to play poker. You’ll lose instantly.’ Uncle Mamo finally got up from the couch for the first time that day.

‘Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!’

‘Koro, he’s saying that you don’t have enough money to play.’ Uncle Ota was always a devil.

‘Now, now Ota, don’t be so mean to Kiki. She’s just curious,’ Uncle Baba crouched down onto his knee.

‘Princess, poker is an adult game but you’re more than welcome to watch!’ He was always the more kind adult in the group. But I know that they’re all kind… in their own special ways.

‘You can watch me! With you by my side, I’ll win for sure!’ Always jolly too. He slipped an arm around me and hugged me close while the other lingered in the air like a star performer.

‘Baba, you always lose.’ Uncle Ota quipped in a matter-of-fact tone.

‘I do not!’

‘Koro, come sit with me and I’ll let you play with the chips!’

‘Uhhhh….’

‘Stop it. You’re confusing her.’ Uncle Soryu was always a firm favourite of mine after Mum and Dad. I might even be so bold as to call him a secret crush.

‘That’s enough. Kiki, sit next to me and watch what I do.’ Dad ultimately came to my rescue and the game began.

‘So Kiki, first we all put in a certain amount of chips.’ Uncle Baba held up a white chip, a red chip, and a blue chip.

‘How many chips?’

‘However many you want. Boss always insists he go first.’ There was a glare involved.

’10 million.’

‘Can’t you lower the amount?’ Uncle Mamo never did have as much money as the others. But…

‘If you don’t have enough money you can leave. Or are you so poor that you have to use our money to live in this hotel?’ It was rare to see Uncle Soryu smirk so evilly.

But Uncle Soryu always “convinced” him to continue. And Uncle Mamo always rose to the bait.

He threw another red chip into the middle. Raising the stakes.

‘Ooooohhh, Mamo is getting ready to win!’

‘Even though we all know he’s going to lose. Just like you Baba! The old men always lose.’

‘Shut up!’

‘Hey! That’s so rude Ota!’

The game was under way, with Dad and Uncle Baba giving audible instructions on how to play. I suppose this game was what shaped me into the Tres Spades Casino Queen when an international poker competition was held at the hotel.

‘Alright, time to show hands.’

I remember lifting up my hands as if it was an order. I also remember everyone laughing because of my hands.

‘Not your real hands. The cards.’

‘Ooooohhhh.’ You can imagine how red I was and how deeply I had buried my face into the pillow on my lap.

Uncle Mamo lost, Uncle Ota had a Three of a Kind and Uncle Baba had One Pair.

It was down to Uncle Soryu and Dad.

‘If you win, you can have the property you’ve been pinning for.’

‘Very funny.’

Uncle Soryu had a Full House.

Dad had a Royal Straight Flush.

‘So… who won?’

Throughout the games that afternoon, I was snuggling closer and closer to Dad’s body. And, for once, he didn’t push me away.

I was grateful for it.

‘Here you go Dad! All neatly organised in alfabetisal order.’

‘Alphabetical order.’

‘That’s what I said, alfapetical order.’

‘……….’ I knew Dad was sighing inwardly but I was content with life at the time. I didn’t know the danger that would happen hours later.

For a while, Dad decided to put me to work, to make up for the fact that I couldn’t pay to stay in the hotel. It was a bit dick-ish on his part but at least he didn’t sell me at the auctions. Eventually, he became more caring towards me as time went on. Waking me up when I had nightmares, patting me on the head, allowing me to help clean the paper work in his office. He even took me outside once on an exploration trip to see potential buyers and land to put the Ichinomiya name on.

I thought that I could finally be free from the pain I received. For a little while, I forgot why I had run away and why I was broken. But they reminded me of what my worth was.

‘Baba and Ota are taking me shopping. Should I get you something?’

‘If you want to.’

‘Like what?’

‘Whatever you think I will like. And if I don’t like it, I will tell you.’

‘Yeah, okay. Alright, I’ll be back later! Don’t work too hard!’ I waved my hands at the doorway to the purple man behind the desk. He didn’t look up.

‘Why am I here?’ Uncle Mamo whined.

‘Because you were sleeping. You need to do more than just eating and sleeping.’ Uncle Baba said behind the steering wheel.

‘I have work to do!’

‘You don’t have a job!’ Uncle Ota declared.

‘Yes I do kid!’

I couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of me. Uncle Baba decided that we should all hang out for dinner and try his new recipe of dumpling stew so he dragged us out to go shopping. But apparently I was too curious for my own good. It wasn’t long before I had wandered off to a different section of the shop that I felt a hand cover my mouth with a drugged napkin. I saw them pass by a corner before slipping into unconsciousness.

I hated myself for believing that I had a chance to live freely.

I remember waking up in a warehouse. I was chained to the ground with cuffs around my ankles and wrists. The stone ground was cold and miserable. I had to force myself to sit up and was instantly sick on the floor beside me.

‘She’s awake.’

‘I can see that idiot. Call the woman.’

When I was done, I looked up to see masked figures and screamed. They wore grizzly bear masks but not the fun-loving cartoon kind. They had tortured looks on their faces and blood seemed to seep out of the eye hole cut outs. A 7-year-old’s imagination can speed towards any direction but I knew better. They were symbols of the family I had left behind.

I backed into the wall behind me, hoping that the wall would open up and I could get away.

‘You’ve caused a lot of trouble young missy. You’re mum is very worried about you. Why don’t you speak with her, you little rat? Hm?’ A raspy voice floated out of the mask but I couldn’t move my hands close enough to my ears. The man reached out towards me but I took a bite into his fingers before they could touch me.

‘Ah! Damn you!’ He stood up quickly, cradling his right hand, and kicked me in my ribs. He threw down a punch on my left cheek for good measure before stomping off.

I was so used to the pain that I stopped crying out back then. But I guess staying with the bidders softened me too much. I sobbed quietly, feeling a thin stream of blood trickle down my face, and remembering the masks.

They were quite literally called The Family. I was born into it after my “father” slept with his mistress while his wife was giving birth to his third child. Illegitimate and alone, I was abused mercilessly by my half-siblings and their mother. Father didn’t care about me, he only lived for women and alcohol. But he kept an iron-fist over a torturous empire dedicated to illegal smuggling of organs. They used the bloody bear masks to practically scare their victims to death.

They were proud butchers. All of them. I was ashamed of the torture that it became a threat to my life every day.

Death was at my doorstep until I could take it no more.

‘You disgusting child, you never should have been born!’

Finally, she broke after her children accused me of attempting to steal money from their safe. They all knew it wasn’t true. She knew it was not true. She reminded me my place in this world when she drew a katana out and slashed it down my eye.

It wouldn’t be until I meet Uncle Luke Foster, who gave me a new eye and got rid of the scar, where I erase all traces of The Family.

‘The woman said to cut up her body for parts and organs. There is an auction nearby where we can sell them.’

I know now that they were talking about Dad’s auctions but luckily for me, I would never be put on that stage, dead or alive.

Before the bone-saw was even picked up from a medical cart, the screeches of car tires echoed faintly. The ground seemed to rumble like an approaching earthquake when suddenly, Uncle Soryu’s black Bentley tore through the main doors, forcing it off its hinges completely.

Dust lifted up and invaded our lungs as gravity set in and plunged the remains of the doors into the ground. The car doors opened and Dad came out in such a stylish manner that I thought I was in a movie.

‘Kiki…’

‘Eisuke!’ We looked at each other for a brief moment, a brief look of anger on his face, before he turned to see the man standing by me with the saw.

Dad stepped forward with a briefcase when one of the henchmen pointed his gun at him.

‘Don’t move!’

‘Eisuke!’ Uncle Soryu had his gun on the henchmen who immediately started shaking under his intense gaze.

Dad opened the briefcase and slid it forward.

‘$30 million in cash. If you give me the girl.’

They started mumbling and whispering, wondering what to do. It was clear the money Dad offered was substantially more than what they were originally being paid. But what would a famous billionaire hotel mogul want with a battered child? Looking to their leader, many of the men waited for an answer.

He looked down at me for a moment but I didn’t dare make eye contact.

‘Fine. Take her. She’s as good as dead anyway.’ The masked man threw the saw down and slowly crept up to the briefcase. He kneeled down when a shout came from the back of the warehouse. A large group of men appeared from the shadows with guns aimed at the heads of the henchmen.

‘Don’t shoot! Drop your weapons and get down!’

‘Wha-‘ Uncle Soryu moved quickly and bashed his gun onto the man’s head. He fell unconscious.

‘Don’t be so surprised. The Ice Dragons can be very useful at times like these.’ Dad had a smug look on his face; he knew he had won.

‘Mafia?!’

‘The Ice Dragons?!’

‘What are they doing in Japan?!’

The henchmen struggled and muttered and whined as the Ice Dragons led them away.

‘What should I do with them?’ Uncle Soryu handcuffed the man and forced him to stand on his feet.

‘The usual.’

‘Fine.’

‘Hey princess, let’s get you out of there.’ Uncle Baba’s voice came from one of the masks and I almost screamed again.

‘Don’t worry! Look!’ He took it off and I was relieved.

‘Baba…’ He unlocked the cuffs and Dad helped me stand up.

‘How did yo-‘

‘After you went missing, we did some digging around.’ Uncle Baba said, dropping the mask onto the ground.

‘We found out about The Family and traced you to here.’ Uncle Soryu came forward after handing the unconscious leader to Uncle Inui.

‘How though?’

‘The pager Eisuke gave you.’ Uncle Ota pointed to the object in my pocket.

I looked up at the man.

‘I never lose what belongs to me.’

‘We were lucky they didn’t take the pager from you. We’re glad that you’re safe.’ Uncle Soryu smiled at me.

‘You came to save me?’ I grasped Dad’s hand and asked in a small voice.

‘What kind of owner would I be if I let you get yourself kidnapped?’ I heard groans from the others.

‘Eisuke….’

‘Boss, she’s not a pet.’

‘Hey, Koro belongs to all of us. Not just you Eisuke.’

‘Eisuke?’ I said.

‘What?’

‘Can I stay with you?’

Dad looked mildly taken aback but he regained his composure, took out his pocket handkerchief and dabbed it on my cheek.

‘Ow…’

‘Stay still.’

‘Yes, stay very still for me.’

We all turned our heads to the sound of the new voice. He stood there in front of the car. The glare of the knife against the moonlight shot into my eyes. I blinked multiple times in the hopes that I had imagined him. My birth father stood there glaring at me alone, ignoring the Ice Dragons around him.

‘Stay very still while I cut you up into thousands of little pieces you damned hell spawn.’ He spat out those words that I knew so well while I quivered. He was capable of violence in every way. There were many times when he killed servants or subordinates out of anger. He was even worse when drunk, I never forgot the day when he stumbled in intoxicated and killed my mother in front of me.

‘He’s mad.’ I heard Dad whisper as he positioned himself in front of me. Shielding me.

‘You’ll have to get through me if you want her.’ Dad stood his ground and stared the crazed man down, something no one has ever done. But all it did was enrage him further.

Everything happened so fast that day, that everything is still hazy even after 15 years. He charged at Dad while gun shots rung across the warehouse. Uncle Soryu stopped him, dodged the knife, and grabbed his wrist, pinning it behind him. But that man got free and elbowed Uncle Soryu in his stomach. Suddenly, they were grappling with a gun and, as Uncle Baba and Uncle Ota tried to get me away, a single shot hit me.

‘KIKI!’ I remember falling to the ground clutching my side and hearing the yells of everyone around me. Dad’s face was the last thing I saw before blacking out.

I thought I was dead for real; I guess he almost made good on his promise to kill me.

In the end, I never saw The Family again. While Dad was bribing the henchmen hired by my step-mother, Uncle Mamo and the police arrested The Family using proof given by Uncle Baba’s sources. Apparently, he smelled of alcohol too that night so to hear that Dad killed my birth-father gave me a sense of peace that I didn’t know I had the capacity to feel.

I spent 2 week recovering in a private hospital. I was grateful. They never left me alone, always watching over me. The bullet wound did a lot more damage than the staff thought but they patched me up really well. Later, I would ask Dad to send small gifts to them as a thank you for looking after me. One of the nurses said that I nearly died on the operating table and that it was a miracle I pulled through at all.

‘You must have a big will to live, my dear. I’m sure there is someone you are living for in this life.’

I was unconscious for a while in the hospital after the operation. But I clearly remember the things that Dad said when he thought I was asleep.

‘Getting yourself kidnapped, getting yourself shot, nearly dying during surgery, you’ve lived through so many incidents. That’s not even mentioning the abuse you suffered growing up. He was mad. Very mad. I saw it in his eyes the hate he had for you, for the world. A man like that never survives. Only people like you. People who brave through situations, no matter how horrible or tragic, get to live in this world. I should know.’

I felt my hand enclosed in his hands.

‘I lost my family when I was your age. But I was taken in by my adopted father who was a close friend of my dad’s. He raised me, gave me a home, and taught me how to take care of myself. I repaid all of his kindness for giving me a new chance at life. Now I want to do the same thing for you. You asked if you could stay with me. I don’t intend to let you go, not after all this. I promise I will raise you the same way Akira raised me so that you can say that you made it through your trauma. That you deserve a new chance at life. Besides, Baba would have my head if I let you go now. You’ve really wiggled your way into our hearts Kiki. And it’s not a bad thing.’

‘Eisuke? I’ll look after her, you can go back to the hotel.’ Uncle Mamo walked into the private suite, so I couldn’t answer him. But in my heart, I already did.

‘You alright?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘She’s a tough kid. She’ll wake up soon.’

‘Oh I know. I doubt after all this, she would give up that easily.’ The door closed as Dad left the hospital.

I never forgot his words but I also didn’t ever tell him I knew. Maybe he sensed that I was awake but didn’t say. Dad never mentioned it and I was too shy to bring it up.

Eventually, the wounds healed but my body was still scarred. I went back to the hotel after what felt like forever. They held a little party to celebrate my return but I think they just wanted an excuse to drink. The way they drunk alcohol was very different to what I was originally used to. For a moment, I thought they would become like my birth-father, but it turns out maybe he was just a violent drunk.

Hours later, Uncle Mamo started sobbing and Uncle Baba reflected on the meaning of life, often asking me if I knew the theory of evolution. I was 7 years old.

Uncle Ota went to sleep and Uncle Soryu only shook his head disapprovingly at the mess in front of him. Dad gave me orange juice and snacks until I started feeling sleepy. He carried me upstairs in his arms. I woke up cuddling Dad in his room the next morning.

I finally found the home that I had always wanted.

After Dad and I got ready in the morning, Mr Kenzaki came to the penthouse.

‘It is good to see you’re back in high spirits again Kiki.’

‘Thank you!’ I said while eating an apple.

‘Here sir, the documents you requested has arrived.’ He handed over a black folder and Dad opened it.

‘Good. You can leave.’

Mr Kenzaki bowed and I waved goodbye.

‘Kiki. Come here.’

I got off my seat on the couch and stood in front of him. Dad un-crossed his legs, turned me around and lifted me up onto his lap.

‘Bwah!’

‘Pfft, are you comfortable?’

‘Oh, yes!’ I replied, looking up at his face. He placed his hand on my head and turned it towards the black folder.

‘Do you know what this is?’

‘Important documents?’

‘Yes. Do you know what of?’

‘For new property?’

‘No.’

‘A contract with another company?’

‘No.’

‘A restraining order on Uncle Baba?’

‘Pfft, if only.’ Dad chuckled.

‘Then what is it?’

Dad put the folder on the couch and adjusted me around so that I could see him.

‘They are adoption papers.’

At the time, my brain blanked out for a second. I had absolutely no idea what it meant. Then it clicked.

‘Who are you adopting?’

‘You know the answer to this, dummy.’ Dad laughed at my dumb question and I asked another.

‘You’ll let me stay?’

‘You don’t need to live in fear anymore Kiki. I will raise you to become my heir to the Ichinomiya Group and the Tres Spades Hotel. There will be hardships but I’m not about to allow you to go.’ He smiled a rare smile at me. I cried horribly ugly kid tears. All the tension in my life suddenly melted away when Dad held me tight to his chest. He patted my head as I sobbed my heart out.

‘You don’t have a choice in the matter.’

You have no idea how many times he says this exact line, or maybe you do. It is indescribable the feelings and emotions I had that day. Somehow, I found myself a new family and a new father who would look after me and love me like a real father. I believed that the idea of a family didn’t exist but the truth is that it does. You just have to know where to look.

Mum was added into my family a year later. A year after that, Uncle Luke, Uncle Shu, and Uncle Hikaru completed my family.

Hi, my name is Kiki Ichinomiya, President of the Ichinomiya Group.

And I am the heir to the Hotel King’s legacy.

#kissed by the baddest bidder #eisuke ichinomiya #kbtbb eisuke #kbtbb family #soryu oh #mitsunari baba #ota kisaki #mamoru kishi

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mecommentating · 5 years ago

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Twilight: Chapters 1-8

I was bored and when I’m bored I read cheesy romance novels. Now seemed as good a time as any to read this series that I’ve heard so much about.

Basically these are just my thoughts on the novel as I’m reading it. I already know quite a bit about the story so that is heavily effecting my thoughts and predictions.

Of course there will be spoilers.

Bella is like a kitten she tries to be intimidating and angry but really she’s just this cute little fluff ball that trips over nothing. It’s hilarious

Edward is just infuriating

Bruh. This guy- He was like you shouldn’t be my friend, stay away from me. Then he goes so do you wanna go to Seattle with me on Saturday? DUDE just stop

I can’t take this book seriously. The writing’s bad. The characters are bad, the story is meh. But, inexplicably, I love it. It’s so funny.

Okay. So I know Edward likes her but at this point in the book he has made no indication that his fascination and attraction to her is anything but pure friendliness and curiosity. But she’s like YO HE LIKES ME WHAT DOES THIS MEEEAAAANNN?!?!?!

WHAT THE- DUDE This guuuuuuuuuuuy Come on! He has repeatedly been like nope we can’t be friends you should avoid me and then he asks her to go to Seattle with him. And then he’s like you should stay away. AND NOW he is sitting alone at lunch makes eye contact with her and then motions her over AND WINKS

He sounds like someone who would trick her into his car and then drive away and rape her. The way he asked her to sit with him sounded terrifying. Of course I can’t actually hear him but that was 100% the vibe I was getting

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU FRICKING MORON

Edward after Bella questions why he invited her to sit with him for lunch: “I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.”

I’m team anybody but Edward

Yeah if I didn’t know he was a vampire who has no idea how to handle his emotions I would be terrified that Edward was going to assault Bella

This guy has no idea how to talk to people. I get it he’s in love or whatever but dude stop being creepy

THERE YOU GO AGAIN SAYING THEY CANT BE FRIENDS

This dude is being her friend and when Bella says he’s her friend he’s like WOAH no no no we’re not friends I just like hanging out with you and stuff....

HOW CAN SHE AVOID YOU WHEN YOU’RE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND KEEP GOADING HER?

HA she thinks he’s Batman or Spider-Man she can’t decided that’s awesome

Because he can read minds Bella! Just not yours for some reason.

Ooo this boy is hot and he knows it look at him wrapping her around his finger

Edward go shoot your self

Oh my gods Bella. He has literally told you stay away I’m not safe like 10 times and it just now occurred to you that he might be dangerous?!

Ooo look at Edward skipping class how edgy

WHAT KIND OF SCIENCE CLASS HAS ITS STUDENTS PRICK THEIR FINGERS AS PART OF THE ASSIGNMENT?!

ooooh I see why Edward skipped class today

Haha this girl is scared of blood and she’s going to join a vampire clan? That’s a stupid idea.Her fear of blood is like crippling. She almost passed out and is now lying on the sidewalk trying to calm herself down.

How does she handle her period then? That must be a traumatic week...

OF COURSE EDWARD SHOWS UP

This guy just kidnapped her

Edward I know it’s hilarious but you laughing is just going to piss her off so please let’s avoid a temper tantrum and stop laughing

What the- So Mike (he likes Bella hates Edward I find him annoying) just walks into the nurses office with another guy who fainted when he saw blood and Edward is like Bella get out of the office right now

What is Mike gonna do? What did you read in Mike’s mind, Ed?

Bella is like 2 steps from being a Vampire. She hates the smell of blood. Not the sight of it just the smell. And did she not notice that Edward just referred to her as human as in he’s not

He actually just dragged her to his car. Is nobody else concerned?

Oh look at that they just bonded over classical music

LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Edward like low key just asked if Bella’s parents would be okay if he married her. You have known her for barely two months you need to calm down lover boy.

“There are no secrets in Forks.” oh then I guess everyone knows that the best doctor around and all of his family are vampires??

Edward. Shut up.

Nobody likes you Jessica. Shut up, I don’t want your opinion.

Okay how does Bella plan on getting out of town with Edward with out her dad and the entire town asking questions. Her truck is loud and distinctive. If she leaves it anywhere in town everyone will know within 5 minutes. And she cant leave it in her drive way because then her dad will get suspicious. AND is she going to take Edward clothing shopping with her?! I see flaws in this plan.

Do drift wood fires really burn blue? holy frick it does. Whaaaaaaaaaaat. OH it’s also toxic and not safe to burn so um they’re all going to die.

*gasp* is this when we meet the werewolf people?! Jacob? *mutters* is that his name?

Haha I knew it

If they’re pretty they’re not human. That is what this book has taught me.

I like Jacob. He sticks around right?

haha he likes her. Man I wish I could in good conscious ship them. He’s funny, a good talker, attractive, builds cars. What more could she want? But no. She chooses Edward. Which is fine. I assume I’ll eventually like him too. But right now I’m all for Jacob.

Oh I bet the Cullens don’t come to the beach because of the Blacks.

NOOOOOO no no no Bella please for the love of god do not try and flirt it will not work and will only end up embarrassing you and me.

How is this working?

Jacob has got to be pulling her leg or something. There is no way he’d actually be giving away clan secrets like this.

Looks like he is.

What an idiot.

YEAH Vampires! Finally.

Yeah uh huh be worried Jacob. You just told the biggest secret ever to the one person who is going to believe you.

Yeeaaaah Team Jacob. Bella stop leading on the better of your two options. Everyone knows you won’t choose him except for him.

Listen to your dream. It’s more accurate than you know.

Her just listening to the same album over and over again is so relatable.

Believe it Bella. He’s a Vampire. Now go confront him about it.

Foreshadowing that Edward is from the 18th century? Did he know Jane Austin?

ha I love her dad.

Lol Tyler my guy you don’t have a chance.

OOOOOOH sunlight right. The sparkle or whatever in the sun so they can’t go to school when there’s direct sunlight. I’m so freaking slow. Thanks for explaining, Angela.

oh no... The dudes have her trapped. Edward is going to show up. I would bet money on it.

haha silver car that had better be edward- aw that move was smooth as hell- yeah edward!

Little did you know that Vampires are amazing get away drivers. They can even do fancy driving tricks. If you want a good chauffeur hire a Vampire.

What’s wrong, Eddy? Why you so mad?

Aw. He got so riled up for her. He really needs to learn to not feel things so strongly but it’s still cute.

Yeah maybe don’t try and distract him by talking about someone he might see as a threat to your affection for him.

Dang he’s a good driver.

lol I haven’t liked Edward at all. He’s annoying, possessive, can’t control his emotions, cocky. Then I find out he’s a good driver and I’m like ooo I like him. I am such an idiot.

Edward you don’t eat. Why do you want to take Bella out for dinner? That’s just going to be awkward.

Oh nooooo. Every single person in Forks is going to know that Bella stayed behind with Edward. uuuuugh this is a nightmare.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? This guy has been alive for who knows how long and you’re telling me he has no idea the effect he has on women? He doesn’t know the paralyzing ability his smile has? Bullcrap.

oh oh oh he’s giving her his jacket oooooh she has fallen forever

oh and he wears turtle necks. I aproooove. Turtle necks are so cool. Idk but I love them.

Lol I don’t think he thinks she’s human. He knows she’s not a vampire but she does not act like a human.

NO do not question him Bella. This is a bad idea. I do not advise.

“Let’s call him ‘Joe’“ LOL

OH my GOSSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH

lol she’s a trouble magnet and it’s the truth

ooo that’s a nice word: Unequivocally

HE WAS FOLLOWING HER?! that’s not creepy at all!

wait. what?

Ooooh he wanted to kill her the first time they met and yet he didn’t kill her I get it now

Tell her.

okay calm down buddy Bella is okay everyone is fine you need to take a deep breathe and calm down.

oh shoot okay going to dinner was a smart idea it kept him from killing people

Why can’t he read her mind? I wanna know.

#twilight #bella #edward cullen #jacob black #commentary #twilight commentary #team jacob #vampire #werewolf #werewolves #romance novels #cheesy #bored #quarentine

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hecallsmehischild · 5 years ago

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Recent Media Consumed

Anime

Fruits Basket (2001). Third re-watch. I think that it is… middling. I like the concept, it isn’t always played out well but it’s fun. Though I am actually a lot more bothered by the casual verbal (and physical) abuse toward Kyo by people we’re supposed to like. That really stuck in my craw this time.

Fruits Basket (2019). This is the real reason I re-watched the old one. Definitely has better humans-actually-talk-like-this dialogue flow. There’s more explanation of the little moments that didn’t make a lot of sense, while other aspects were toned down (like a LOT less of the more contrived shapeshift moments). And there was LESS Kyo abuse, though it was still there. PERSONAL ISSUES AND MOTIVATIONS ARE MUCH MORE FLESHED OUT. And we gOt MoRe CoNtEnT!!!!!!!! YOU MEAN THE FIRST SEASON COVERS NEARLY ALL THE ORIGINAL CONTENT AND WE HAVE A WHOLE OTHER SEASON TO LOOK FORWARD TO, WHAAAAAAAAAAAT 9/10 YES SIGN ME UP WHEN THE NEXT SEASON IS fully aired because I can’t take a weekly update, I’m a binge-watch type.

Books

The Firebird Trilogy, Wind And Shadow, and Daystar (a five book series) by Kathy Tyers. I’m gonna hold off on this for now. I’ve actually been very slowly re-reading a lot of my Christian fiction from the old days and VERY slowly compiling a post of the main themes I’ve drawn from them, and this will be included on that list. For now, suffice it to say I’ve really blasted through this series recently. (edit after reading the final book) So at first I was disappointed by Daystar. It felt a lot more confusing and rushed at the beginning. But as I kept reading, it absorbed me absolutely. Completely. I’ve read this over the course of three days and I’ve had dreams about it for two nights. The Jesus-story-in-another-time-or-universe story has been done to death and I have issues reading that type of book because of that, but only the 5th book covered that and it did it… very differently. I don’t even know what to say about this book. It sits so heavy in me. But in a good way. Especially the last chapter. I’m so glad she added two more books to this story.

Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas. I can recommend this book without the hesitation I have for the Boundaries books. The Boundaries books are great, but they are written with Christians in mind through and through. Healing from Hidden abuse talks about recovery from psychological abuse and only brings up Christian theology in the segments where it deals with church/pastoral abuse, aka spiritual abuse. This is my second read and I’ve underlined and written notes in so many parts of this book that flipping through will flash a rainbow of colors. It’s a very good and accessible read.

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire. I read this a couple times growing up and it still holds up. This is the sort of story I wouldn’t normally care to read; hardship, romance, and the rise and fall of fortunes in 17th century Holland. But framed as a backdrop to the Cinderella story? My sucker-for-a-fairytale brain demands I keep and continue to re-read it every few years. Rich in description and in character study, this is a good book to come back to after many years.

TV Shows

The End of the F***ing World. Dark. Crazy dark and FUNNY. Brittish-style-dark-humor. Probably not something I’d watch over and over, and definitely a little hard to stomach from time to time, but brilliant all the same. Feels like the same theme of The Unicorn Store (absolutely flailing in transition to growing up, kids trying to navigate being an adult) but with a polar opposite lens and tone. (edit after watching the second season) so, about as funny as the first season was, the second half of the second season is about as tragic. It ends… well? But it’s also very painful to watch. Kind of profound. It’s a very, very well done show, but I don’t think I will be revisiting it.

Movies

Harriet. I’ll say it up front. This is not my peoples’ story, and I don’t know enough to tell you how historically accurate it is, but this movie is stunning. Ten out of ten. Go. See. It.

Fanfiction

Wish by tinyquill. MSA fic (incomplete). What seems like a lovely bonding and restoration moment, the post-reunion gang celebrating Lewis’ birthday, goes TERRIBLY WRONG. AUGH. It got me in the feels and it is unfinished! Unfortunate!!!

Blur by Dont_Feed_Da_Elves. MSA oneshot. Read this one a while ago but wanna shine a spotlight on it again. An interweaving of before-and-after telling, with Lewis and Arthur as roommates on one side, and a begrudgingly reunited gang going on an absolutely terrifying haunted asylum on the other. Laughter and chills and feels all around.

#child loves anime #child loves books #child loves movies #wrestling with God

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1dream2meme · 6 years ago

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ᵀʰᶦᶰᵍˢ ᵐʸ ᶠʳᶦᵉᶰᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ᴵ ˢᵃᶦᵈ ʷʰᶦᶫᵉ ʰᶦᵍʰ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗᵉʳˢ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ¹

*Straight laughter for 10 minutes*

“We really need to go home, ___”

“Is this a dream? Are we actually getting up and moving?”

“These chips are so good, oh my god.”

“___, we need to go home, please, let’s go home.”

“NO! DON’T THROW THE CHIPS AWAY I BEG YOU!”

“It’s like, there’s a video delay and my soul is 3 seconds behind my body.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“Why am I walking like this? Am I talking too fast? I feel like I’m talking too fast. Why am I walking this?”

“We’re gonna get shanked. It’s dark and cold and we’re going to die.”

“We can’t record because it’s gonna be too really not loud.”

“The TV is like, loud as hecky.”

“Oh noooooooooo.”

“Oh god, I’m dying help me please. Let me out! Let me out!”

“What? It’s not a horse?”

“Where you goin’ bro? Where you goin’? OH SNACKS. Snackies!”

“You know who’d be in this jar of salsa? The person who opens the fucking jar.”

“This is SO GOOD.”

“Dude, I’m so hungry. I mean, I’m hungry all the time but…”

“I’m so full but I’m hungry.”

“Oh my god, whaaaaat?”

“I’m gonna regret this, and never speak of this again and we’d have to kill everyone that knows. Oh shit! We have to kill EVERYONE. They know.”

“Did you bite your tongue?”

“I got a shard of Doritos in between my teeth.”

“It taste fine, it’s like, it goes in your mouth and it just BWWUUAAH.”

“It’s like I havent eaten in years and I’m starving.”

“But like, you’re full but you don’t want to give it to the Etheopean kids cause you’re selfish and they’re just like awh.”

“Nah, I’m gonna get shanked buddy.”

“What is with you and getting shanked?!”

“I got shanked in the past life.”

“I was a shank when i was in the past life.”

“Oh shit YEAH, thanks.”

“I hate myself, but I won’t do anything to improve myself, I don’t know why, maybe, because it’s my depression.”

“When I eat cookies I become possessed. It’s so funny.”

“Can we go watch Sofia Carson?! I love her so much.”

“Disney always comes out with really hot girls, like, they factory make them.”

“I had a crush on her/him back when I was younger like oh my god my heart I’m so fucking gay. Anyway….”

“They’re gonna see us, we’re gonna be a mess.”

“Tell them we’re coming, we’re coming for them. With our shanks, WITH OUR SHANKS!”

“I’m thinking about Sofia Carson right now and my heart can’t handle anything. It’s just that she’s so good.” *crying* “She’s so good, you know?”

*singing* “LET’S GO AND WATCH SOFIA CARSON YEEEAAAAH.”

“MMMMM BOI.”

“I hate these but I can’t stop eating them…”

“We got all the ways to be WWE SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW!”

“Hellooo? Hello. Hello!! I am cooked, baby!”

“Dutchy mate, Dutchy my Dutch bae. Duckt, Ducktch.”

“I am blunting with a friend.”

“16 titties? 16? 16 of them.”

*Humming Sandstorm by Darude*

“REAL MOIST”

“Are you sad? Are you sad? We should make some music.”

“I need to pee, need to pee, pee pee pee pee pee, but I can’t p p p p p”

“Time doesn’t exist. What is time? Baby don’t hurt me.”

“Do you ever just walk out the room and feel like you’re not high anymore? I just felt that.”

“Maybe I’m not high anymore, that’s disappointing.”

“We died on the way here.”

“I have an inhaler with me.”

“I love my friends and they deserve the best. Do you have that? Do you have friends? Am I your friend?”

#rp memes #inbox memes #ask memes #sentence starters #rp starters #roleplay starters #rp prompts

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12thson-blog · 8 years ago

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ᵀʰᶦᶰᵍˢ ᵐʸ ᶠʳᶦᵉᶰᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ᴵ ˢᵃᶦᵈ ʷʰᶦᶫᵉ ʰᶦᵍʰ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗᵉʳˢ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ¹

*Straight laughter for 10 minutes*

“We really need to go home, ___”

“Is this a dream? Are we actually getting up and moving?”

“These chips are so good, oh my god.”

“___, we need to go home, please, let’s go home.”

“NO! DON’T THROW THE CHIPS AWAY I BEG YOU!”

“It’s like, there’s a video delay and my soul is 3 seconds behind my body.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“Why am I walking like this? Am I talking too fast? I feel like I’m talking too fast. Why am I walking this?”

“We’re gonna get shanked. It’s dark and cold and we’re going to die.”

“We can’t record because it’s gonna be too really not loud.”

“The TV is like, loud as hecky.”

“Oh noooooooooo.”

“Oh god, I’m dying help me please. Let me out! Let me out!”

“What? It’s not a horse?”

“Where you goin’ bro? Where you goin’? OH SNACKS. Snackies!”

“You know who’d be in this jar of salsa? The person who opens the fucking jar.”

“This is SO GOOD.”

“Dude, I’m so hungry. I mean, I’m hungry all the time but…”

“I’m so full but I’m hungry.”

“Oh my god, whaaaaat?”

“I’m gonna regret this, and never speak of this again and we’d have to kill everyone that knows. Oh shit! We have to kill EVERYONE. They know.”

“Did you bite your tongue?”

“I got a shard of Doritos in between my teeth.”

“It taste fine, it’s like, it goes in your mouth and it just BWWUUAAH.”

“It’s like I havent eaten in years and I’m starving.”

“But like, you’re full but you don’t want to give it to the Etheopean kids cause you’re selfish and they’re just like awh.”

“Nah, I’m gonna get shanked buddy.”

“What is with you and getting shanked?!”

“I got shanked in the past life.”

“I was a shank when i was in the past life.”

“Oh shit YEAH, thanks.”

“I hate myself, but I won’t do anything to improve myself, I don’t know why, maybe, because it’s my depression.”

“When I eat cookies I become possessed. It’s so funny.”

“Can we go watch Sofia Carson?! I love her so much.”

“Disney always comes out with really hot girls, like, they factory make them.”

“I had a crush on her/him back when I was younger like oh my god my heart I’m so fucking gay. Anyway….”

“They’re gonna see us, we’re gonna be a mess.”

“Tell them we’re coming, we’re coming for them. With our shanks, WITH OUR SHANKS!”

“I’m thinking about Sofia Carson right now and my heart can’t handle anything. It’s just that she’s so good.” *crying* “She’s so good, you know?”

*singing* “LET’S GO AND WATCH SOFIA CARSON YEEEAAAAH.”

“MMMMM BOI.”

“I hate these but I can’t stop eating them…”

“We got all the ways to be WWE SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW!”

“Hellooo? Hello. Hello!! I am cooked, baby!”

“Dutchy mate, Dutchy my Dutch bae. Duckt, Ducktch.”

“I am blunting with a friend.”

“16 titties? 16? 16 of them.”

*Humming Sandstorm by Darude*

“REAL MOIST”

“Are you sad? Are you sad? We should make some music.”

“I need to pee, need to pee, pee pee pee pee pee, but I can’t p p p p p”

“Time doesn’t exist. What is time? Baby don’t hurt me.”

“Do you ever just walk out the room and feel like you’re not high anymore? I just felt that.”

“Maybe I’m not high anymore, that’s disappointing.”

“We died on the way here.”

“I have an inhaler with me.”

“I love my friends and they deserve the best. Do you have that? Do you have friends? Am I your friend?”

#rp starters #sentence starters #rp memes #askbox memes #sentence memes #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #ask memes #//listen i have a 4 hour voice recording of the event #and this is just an hour of it

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greggeverman-blog · 7 years ago

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Star Trek, Another Generation. 4. Captain of the Best Men

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!” the Starfleet Admiral Janer Cooner yelled in Mclintrix’s face. “What do you mean ‘New Shoes’!??” “It wasn’t Silver Krag’s fault, Admiral”, the ex-captain explained, holding up his hands defensively. “That fleet of prison barges was just asking to be attacked by the Klingons. Silver Krag is just the guy everyone always blames when something goes wrong.” Admiral Cooner and the two other Federation representatives looked at each other exasperated. “But-but-” ��Besides”, Lab interrupted enthusiastically. I don’t think General Krag meant to attack the barges anyway. He just couldn’t fight the temptation when the time came.” “Yes!” Mclintrix applauded. “Listen to the Lab-rat!” “The Lab-who?” “No, Not the Lab-who. The Lab-Rat”, Mclintrix corrected. “And don’t try to convince me you haven’t ever had a new pair of shoes! I don’t believe that for one second!” “But, listen, Mclintrix”, Admiral Jase Looney said irritatedly. “This type of offensive is something we’ve gotten rather used to from the Klingons recently. These flash attacks are lately becoming old hat- if you will.” “I won’t”, he answered. “And what exactly does the fact that we’re at war with the Klingons prove?” “Captain, it proves that these brazen attacks must be answered imminently.” “I call ‘em ‘flash mob’ attacks!” Mclintrix replied, proud of himself. Then he paused for a minute. “What does ‘imminently’ mean?” he asked. “It means: Rather soon”, Vulcan ambassador Gluck answered. “Thank you, alien buddy”, Mclintrix bowed. “Those are funny eyebrows you’ve got there.” “I am a Vulcan from the planet Vulcan. There we speak Vulcan and possess that good old Vulcan know how.” “Always an excuse, isn’t there?” Mclintrix smirked. Gluck shrugged contentedly. “That’s logic for you.” He and Admiral Curtis high-fived playfully. “Who says logic can’t be fun, huh?” he asked. “Not I”, Mclintrix responded. “One thing you have to remember though, ambassador Gluck, is that humans are pretty fun too. On a scale of 1 to 10 they’re a 7.3.” He nodded. “Only Bejorans and Oxi-mights- who I like to call Oxymorons- score higher, scoring 8.2 and 9.7 respectively. Now bear in mind, that only counts if you’re respective of them- which I’m not.” “We Vulcans believe in respecting everyone, Captain”, Gluck contradicted him. “Because of the crimes of our long gone Mind-Lords, we have grown to respect all peoples. But especially our friends- and more notably our ‘friends-with-benefits’!” “Not as much as I respect My friends-with-benefits!” Mclintrix affirmed. “Why just before I got tossed in the cookie I-” “Captain, can we Please return to the subject!” Admiral Looney interrupted. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do for the last minute-and-a-half!” Mclintrix replied, equally angry. “Looks like you minstrels can’t seem to get your heads on straight!” “SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF CONFUSION!” a new voice boomed out. “MAYBE I CAN CLEAR IT UP!” A man then stepped out into the room. He was smirking smugly as the three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador trembled in fear. “Captain Evart Demoral!” Admiral Cooner exclaimed nervously. “That was a wallopingly dramatic entrance you did right there!” “Thank you, good sirs”, Demoral said upon entering. “Glad to be of comical-relief.” Admiral Looney introduced him to Mclintrix with a shaking hand. “Captain Mclintrix, this is Captain Demoral! Captain of the USS Cowboy! A very good friend of mine!” “I’ve got Two problems with your sentence structure”, Mclintrix pointed out, raising two fingers. “One: You said Captain a few times too many, and two: It sounds like you’re saying the Cowboy is a very good friend of yours, and not Captain Demoral.” “That Is what I was saying, Captain”, Looney replied. “I love the Cowboy Destroyer. It’s my fav’ ship of all our ships! Captain Demoral I hate.” “So, why is He here?” Lab asked Admiral Cooner, concerning Demoral. “He always intrudes on our confidential meetings”, Cooner explained; but the instant Demoral looked over at him, he added, “Which we love! Heh heh!” “Somebody has to!” Demoral bloomed out approaching the two. The man had to be almost 6 feet 2 inches tall! (Now, that’s Tall!) “It’s the only way to keep you power-hungry nepotists on your leash!” Looney was able to crack a smile. “Yes, we’ve heard all those nepotism allegations before, Captain Demoral.” Demoral marched over to him to stare down on the wimpy human. “Have you now!?” Looney pretended to think back. “Uh…yes, we have.” “Repeat them then.” He walked away to sit down behind Admiral Cooner’s desk and put his feet up. The three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador lined up in a row before his desk, and said in one voice, “Every member of the Starfleet council was only able to achieve his rank because his mommy or daddy is rich.” Looney was the only one who felt brave enough to add- though it was disguised by a fake cough- “Most- of- them-! Cough! Cough!” Demoral popped up out of his seat! “What did you say, Looney Bin! (his nickname for the admiral)” “Nothing! Nothing, nothing!” was the chicken’s answer. Demoral rounded the desk and approached the comparatively tiny human (Demoral was a full inch-and-a-half taller, you see; and with at least 12 pounds of solid muscle on him!). “No; you said something! I heard something in that cough distinctively!” he placed his HUGE(ish) hands on the pipsqueak’s shoulders. “Spit it out, Tiny! Or I’ll turn you into what resembles more of a Pounded human than a real one!” Cooner stepped forward bravely to confront the slightly bigger man. “Please, show some mercy, Captain Demoral!” he pleaded. “For pity’s sake, show your compassion on this poor fool!” Demoral made a backhand swinging gesture at the brave duck, causing him to duck and roll himself into a defensive ball on the floor, whimpering, and muttering what sounded to Mclintrix and Lab like what one would repeat to a baby. “NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, COONER!!” the Brute Demoral thundered, “demoral”izing them all (I’m so sorry about the pun. It won’t happen again, I promise). “NOW, WHAT DID YOUR FILTHY TOUNGUE JUST UTTER, LOONEY BIN!?” “Please, oh great Demoral!” Looney replied, sinking to his knees. “Ask anything of me, and I shall gladly pay it and more! Just spare me your punishment!” “Finish the twerp!” Mclintrix exclaimed to Demoral. “Thank you, Captain!” was his answer. “I think I will!” He reared back a noodle arm to strike! “SHOW ME MERCY!!!” Looney hollered, holding up his hands before his face. “TAKE YOUR VENGEANCE OUT UPON EITHER THE OTHERS OR THE WALL OUTSIDE! OR EVEN THAT GUY WHO KEEPS BARGING INTO MY OFFICE DAY IN AND DAY OUT, WANTING A LONG TERM, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE PACKAGE!!” Demoral slapped him around a few times!! (Oh! The horror of it all!) When he had finally had his fun, he allowed the guy to slump down to the ground, cherry-cheeked! (I hope this isn’t too disturbing of a part for my viewers; because I know I sure had a hard time writing it down!) Looney ended up beside Cooner, who was by now singing lullabies to himself, while covering his eyes in an attempt to block the awful memory from entering his mind. Even the steel-willed Mclintrix couldn’t help but feel for them. “Captain…” he began slowly to Demoral. “I know it had to be done after all they did, but… Did it have to be so violent…?” Demoral looked down at his hands- those tools of such bitter violence! Finally he responded- his voice trembling- “I just… I just wanted to make them pay for their nepotism so bad, Donovan!” Mclintrix placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know. And they definitely deserved it. But not like this, best friend… Not like this…” Demoral threw himself into a big emotional hug with Mclintrix. “I’m so sorry, Donovan!” he exclaimed, breaking down into sobs. “I let evil overcome me! And, yes, I purged this horrible evil from our world! …But at the cost of losing myself!” He cried pathetic tears for a few minutes while Mclintrix patted his head like a puppy. “I’m so sorry!” “I know”, the good captain answered consolingly. “It wasn’t your fault, Evart… It was mine… I should have been there for you… I should have been there…” Lab put a hand on Mclintrix’s shoulder. Tears were in his eyes. “It had to be done, and you know it, Donovan”, he said. “Those admirals are better off this way (lieing on the floor, wallowing in self-pity)… We must go…” “C’mon, Evart”, Mclintrix said, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go back to the Cowboy.” Demoral looked down sorrowfully at the two whimpering admirals. “I don’t want to leave them like this”, he wined (and dined). But he came with them anyway. *“ALL HANDS, BATTLE STATIONS!! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!”* an alarm blared. *“IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE IT’S THOSE STUPID KLINGONS AGAIN!! I’M GUESSING IT’S GENERAL SILVER KRAG’S FLEET!! I’M ALSO ASSUMING THAT HE’S HERE FOR THE MUNITIONS DEPOT- BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!”* Everyone popped to their feet, Admiral Looney and Cooner just to dive under their desk. “Under attack!?” Vulcan ambassador Gluck exclaimed. “I’m bailing!” He dived down a hallway. “Follow me, Captain!” Demoral ordered, wiping his eyes. “Let’s get to my uber-awesome ship! It’s called the- wait for it… Cowboy!” “Yes, Captain!” Mclintrix replied, clapping him on the shoulder. He, Demoral and Lab headed after the Vulcan. “Sounds to me like Krag is accidentally attacking us again!” “Yeah!” the huge (sort of) captain shouted back, nodding. “Let’s make this the last mishap he ever makes!” “Let’s!” he reaffirmed. “Because- as we all know- after we teach him a lesson, he’ll get to go home and be more careful next time!” Demoral spun around on him! “NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!” he roared right in the poor man’s face! Mclintrix covered his eyes in the hopes that Demoral wouldn’t even see him there. Demoral snickered as he backed off. The three continued down the hallway into the hangar bay. Docked in the bay were three Galaxy-class cruisers as well as one much smaller Constellation class vessel. Mclintrix and Lab automatically headed toward the first big one- Demoral grabbed the two of them by their coat collars, hauling them back. “NOT THAT ONE, YOU CIRCUS CLOWNS!!” He redirected them towards the next giant vessel. “THAT WAY!!” Mclintrix and Lab didn’t dare resist. They bolted down the docking platform towards the next boarding ramp and began to make the turn- “NO!!” Demoral growled like a ornery shift supervisor! “NOT THAT SHIP!! THE OTHER ONE!!” They bolted down the platform ahead of the mad dog towards the last big ship in the bay. Once at the ramp they turned- “STOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!” Demoral was screaming. Mclintrix and Lab curled up into a defensive ball in an attempt to ward him off! He dived into their ball throwing fisticuffs! Seconds later Mclintrix and Lab burst out screaming as they ran for the tiny Constellation class vessel, leaving a battered and bruised Demoral lying on the boarding ramp. Once there they wasted no time in pushing and shoving their way up the thin ramp- both trying to be the first to reach the protection of the destroyer. Mclintrix sealed the hatch door as they entered, and then bolted after Lab towards the elevator. The two stuffed themselves into the small doorway and slapped the ‘up’ button. “Whew!” Mclintrix said at last. “We escaped that guy!” Lab was panting heavily. “I don’t like humans!” he moaned. “I wanna go home- AAAAAA! What are You!?” he screamed at a third person in the elevator- if Person is even the right word for the thing! It had no mouth, two blue eyes staring out from in between a think nose bone (which carried down below his collar!), and a weird, braided fohawk atop his thick forehead! “ROOOOOOOOAAAAR!!!” he howled at the two of them! They both pasted themselves onto the far wall of the elevator, panicking big time! Before two seconds passed, they were scaling up the side walls! “Gets ‘em every time!” the alien exclaimed, clapping and giggling (though the sound wasn’t coming from any mouth, but rather a small disk-like indent in his nose-bone). “You Terrans will be so easy to conquer one day.” “You’re an Oxi-might, huh?” Mclintrix said energetically, hopping down from Lab’s shoulders. “I thought you guys had a truce with the Federation?” “Only until we see an opportunity to destroy you, Captain”, the Oxi-might replied, shaking Mclintrix’s outstretched hand. “My name is Q.L: son of A.R, and First in the line of Oxi-might Monarchs.” “EX-Captain Donovan Mclintrix”, he introduced himself. “First in the lineup for hotdogs.” “Ah, I see you are being funny, Captain Mclintrix”, the alien laughed. “But don’t worry, it will be your last.” “Thank you”, was his answer. “I’ve had enough hotdogs today, anyway.” “Can you just drop us off in the prison bay, please!” Lab moaned. “I’m scared!” Just then the doors opened. They were on the bridge! “Q.L!” the acting captain exclaimed. He was a dark-skinned Terran, wearing a ‘what-else-could-go-wrong-today?’ look. “Where in the name of all the Guys is the captain!? We’re all prepped for takeoff, and the fleet’s taking a pummeling out there!” “I’m not his babysitter!” Q.L retorted. “I looked everywhere for the dunce!” “But we need a captain!” the officer said frantically. “I’m too squeamish to do the job! Not to mention I can’t handle the responsibility! Do you guys have any Clue what happens to captains who make mistakes!? I’d probably end up like that presumptuous walking-pig Donovan Mclintrix!!” “So you guys need a captain, do you?” Mclintrix said, stepping forward. “Didn’t you just hear my speech- which included what a fool that Ex-Captain Donovan Mclintrix is!?” the executive officer of the ship asked aghast. “I did”, Mclintrix answered. “And I do believe I’m your man!” he sat down in the captain’s chair confidently. “I’m a Starfleet prisoner anyway, so I’m expendable.” “I wish I was expendable!” the first officer wined. “Alright! You’re in charge, Captain…uh?” “Donovan Mclintrix.” The guy snapped his finger. “Hey! I was just Thinking about that presumptuous…uh- Guy. Yeah. My name’s Drey “Jugular” Sapairo (pronounced Sap-air-o). I’m Number One on this ship.” “You mind if I just call you Jug?” Mclintrix asked. “I love it!” he replied, slapping the back of Mclintrix’s seat so hard his teeth rattled. Mclintrix felt good being back in the captain’s chair again, though. “All hands!” he called over the intercom. “Prepare for launch! Helm, Release docking clamps!” “Uh, Captain?” the helmsman said, turning around to face him. “We’re not back in the early 2000s. We don’t use docking clamps anymore.” “I was just testing your knowledge on history, son”, he replied. “I’m an expert on every single year of the 2000s- up until the year 2018, sir. I don’t know what happened in that year or any after.” “Me neither”, the new captain responded, pointing out the front viewer. “Engage impulse!” Standing directly behind Mclintrix, Drey clapped his hands together merrily. “Ooooh! An impulsive engagement!” he cheered. “So…who are you getting married to anyway?” “This guy Jug is better than me a that!” Mclintrix grinned. “Helm, at least You know what to do!” “Plan the wedding, sir?” the helmsman asked. “Activate impulse!” They guy broke out into song and dance, singing to the tune of Mississippi Moon-base! (Actually he did a heck of a rendition!) He stopped and turned red in the face when he realized the entire bridge crew was staring at him. “Why did you do that!” Mclintrix demanded angrily. “I activated my first impulse, sir, just like you ordered. Was it not to your liking?” “I hate humans!” Lab complained from a corner. “LOOK OUT, CAPTAIN!!” Jug screamed, pointing out the front viewer. A Klingon Bird of Prey blew the front hangar door open, and entered guns flaring! It’s heavy disrupter cannons ripped off the lower warp core of one of the Galaxy class vessels! “MOVE, HELM!!” Mclintrix ordered. The ship’s impulse engines flared into life and their vessel zoomed out passed the Klingon vessel. “Fire phasers as we pass!” he ordered the gunner (Q.L). “Oh my goose!” Jug jubilantly screamed just above a whisper, jumping for joy. “We’re actually gonna Pass at something! Mommy would be so proud!” Their Constellation class vessel poured fire into the Bird of Prey as they passed by it, ripping off the end of its right wing! *“OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”* a loudspeaker on its nose screamed. Mclintrix looked stunned as their ship zoomed out into the space outside the space-dock. “I don’t believe it!” he cried out. “That sounds like Silver KRAG!” he spun his chair around to face the communications technician. “Communications officer!” he said to the woman. “Patch me through to that Klingon ship quickly! It’s urgent!” “I can’t allow that, sir!” she replied, leaning lazily on her desk. “Starfleet protocol won’t allow communication outside of expected parameters, without an official on-site representative’s or ambassador’s compliance with the matter, due to subsection 8 protocols on a preliminary basis.” He paused for a second. “Please! It’s urgent!” “Well, why did you wait till Now to tell me that!??” she patched him through. “General Krag’s face should appear on the screen now, sir.” His face appeared all right, except the zoom-in feature wasn’t adjusted properly, so all they could see were a set of Klingon teeth in front of a flapping tongue. “Uh, who is this?” Krag asked (or rather Krag’s mouth asked). “I am Captain Donovan T.T.Y.L Mclintrix of the Federation starship- uh… What ship are we on?” he asked Commander Jug. “Cowboy, sir. And may I just say that you are my role model and hero of-” “The Federation Starship Cowboy!” Mclintrix continued to Krag. “We come in peace-out. We want no trouble with your people.” “Mclintrix!” Krag shouted. “No way, my man! You did it, right? You talked to the Federation big shots? Well, what’d they say? Am I allowed to continue this gravy-train raid? I mean, like…we got over a hundred Federation credits on that last raid, my fellow creature of the cosmos! That’s almost enough for me to buy back-braces for all my guys, so they can do their stretches in comfort and quiet, man. Peace and harmony, man.” His Klingon mouth curved up into a dreamy smile. “We can finally become one with our inner star-shine! And peace? …Well, dude, peace is just the next step, my cousin. We’re gonna ride the train carried by the wind from here on… The Love train… Dude, this is happy in a can, man! And it is So awesome!” Mclintrix had to bury his inner compassion as he replied, “No Krag. I’m afraid I can’t allow this to continue any longer.” He tried to look resolute and brave, but his insides felt like Terran deep-fried salami (Ewww!). The Klingon’s jaw dropped on the screen. “Whu-uuhh!” Krag exclaimed. “But we’re Besties, dude-man! No way would my best friend ever say that to his chum! I’m almost not even able to believe you’re my best friend, Mac’n’cheese… Or uh…Mclintrix!- that’s it! My best friend Mclintrix wouldn’t even consider hurting his besty by saying something rude and mean like that!” The crew all looked to their heartbroken captain to respond. It took him awhile to answer- as his mouth was stuffed with comfort food (Cheesy cupcakes! Yum-yum!). “Listen Silver Krag…” he began slowly- his mouth full. “We might be the best friends time and space ever created- although I, for one, don’t even believe time and space actually created us- but I must stand firm in my resolution… You and your ships must…” He took a deep breath and swallowed hard (The cupcake took a lot of effort to get down). “Back off…” “AAAAAA!” Krag exclaimed, biting his fingernails. “No way!” The teeth on the screen began making wild crunching motions and he began to blow giant bubbles with his bubble-gum. Finally a big one exploded all over the part of his face that was visible. “So, this is how it’s gonna roll, huh!?” he said angrily. “You’re making my peace thing hurt, Captain! So prepare yourself to get a lil’ HURT back!” The screen went dead as the camera zoomed into the blackness of his open mouth, and the transmission was cut. Mclintrix slumped down in his seat. The Cheesey bag dropped from his greasy hand. Lab came over to comfort him, as did all the other officers. There ended up being a large pileup of bodies around the captain’s chair. (The scent of Cheeseys called to them. The “comforting” was just a ruse to get at the delicious snacks!) “Helm!” Mclintrix screamed out from inside the group. “Prepare deflector shields, as well as regular shields!” The helmsman returned to his post, having had his fill of Cheeseys. “Shields…up, Captain”, he said between gulps. “Photon Torpedoes ready as well.” “Good”, Mclintrix replied, reassuming his commanding posture. “Then get ready for the fight of you life!” The Klingon Bird of Prey burst out of the hangar bay, and zoomed right at them! The Battle of General Silver Krag vs Captain Donovan Mclintrix (which later became known as the Battle between Lifelong Friends) was about to begin… (This is so Epic, man!)

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