#it'll be worse than we think
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They only fetishize queer people. Especially our pain. We are not real, entire human beings to them. The celebrate the straight couples - their relationship, intimacy n all; fetishize the bodies of queer men; n fetishize the idea of queer women.
The extent to which they tolerate our sexuality is the short snippets in promo clips. They only want to exploit our online engagement. Ironically our viewership might be bringing in the ad buyers who r trying to erase us.
They try to erase the specificity of the "queer" part, but only use the pain, the convenient stereotypes, the virtue-signaling part to gain brownie points n for good drama. They joke about cultural appropriation n did exactly that during the pride episode with the straight couple's proposal. Same-sex marriage. What are you talking about? It's about queer hate n straight allyship.
They capitalize on the "women" part, to further fetishize our biology. So if it's 2 women in a relationship - it's double the drama about making babies, bad genes, n jokes about hormones n our body parts. But it's 2 women, how can they possibly manage w/o "big, strong, sensitive", straight men with good genes to contribute n overflowing empathy to deal with them being emotional n hormonal?
It's 5b, it's pride, it's the burning man all over again. First they elevate Jack, now Beckett. Pride was about cheating queer men n high queer woman. An intimate scene of Marina must be minimized n hidden among the others' or edited to death in a montage. It's as scary as a man burning to death.
The fact that they haven't even shared a proper kiss this season through any joyful or emotional moment... They just come up with more ways to obscure the kiss, if any. Bad lighting, bad angles n bad editing are prerequisites. They r also written into the script.
Of course they make an important life decision in the NICU, n it's completely inappropriate for a married w|w to share a quick kiss - which we saw via the back of their heads. Unlike a gay man having sex with an ex at the funeral of the ex's dad - while cheating on his partner - twice. Perfectly lit with no obstructions of course.
Even in their ugly kitchen they're assigned, with a perfectly good scene setup, nope. Too brightly lit for queer woman - save it for a long morning kiss b/w gay men in their nice kitchen.
Emotional scene about Carina's fertility issues and reciprocal IVF - okay a kiss allowed grudgingly - but just 0.5 sec. Their lips touched. You get the idea. Why are you fans so demanding? Time is reserved for the 101th proposal of the straight couple n their extended kisses. A proper Marina love scene? You perverts. More explicit sex scenes b/w straight couples are needed.
I don't want to rehash about Jack. I've said plenty about Beckett. Just that men's mistakes are dismissed and minimized. It is not enough to show every painful step of Maya apologizing and making amends. Maya and Carina must also be used to make the audience sympathize with Jack and Beckett. It is a deliberate yet thoughtless choice to use Carina's SA trauma to sympathize with Jack. Just as it is to use Maya's family trauma to sympathize with Beckett. Esp the context of the shot. It is esp violating. They might as well just get Jack to show up for this. They never really got it, did they?
However one chooses to justify these choices, it's not only unnec but wrong to include the men. Esp not Beckett - the man who bullied her for months till her breakdown. Even if he never apologized and they insist on using Maya's pain to make him look good in his redemption arc, idc at this point, but this is just not the time.
If it must be a man, get Travis. Make it a conversation b/w queer people, about queer hate, about their families. Travis sympathizing with Maya, about a journey he wouldn't know about. Way better than jokes on hormones with the guys. A cheap way to get a laugh at an arduous process. I thought we left 5b n mocking queer women behind.
It could have been one beautiful scene with Andy and Vic. They haven't had a proper one since s1 & 2. They would have understood about Mason, if not for their long friendship, there's 703. It could have been about the pain women go thru - Andy and Vic about their abortions or Maya about experiencing what Carina underwent... The show really isn't big on female camaraderie.
But it should really be Carina. Among all the scenes of Carina in the station bathroom - which have been a lot - this is probably the most appropriate if they must set it there. Definitely more so that her own insemination, which was ridiculous.
These are moments that they should only share with each other, privately n intimately. These precious moments that are dwindling - few n short to begin with. It's not irl, it's one scene in an ensemble show. They sure could have romanticized this. It doesn't even have to be half as dramatic as a regular scene of their golden couple. D & S will create magic.
Esp in this episode, there's so much to unpack. With everything they've been thru on their own, the ending could have been about them at home, checking in n sharing their day. Talking about the lawsuit, the hate on queers, their brothers, the boundaries they had to set with their families... Doing the trigger shot together - esp after their emotional scene in 705 n to cap off the morning scene. A perfect setup for their emotional n physical intimacy.
But of course it didn't happen. Other important moments in their lives about their new home n new baby were also short parts of wordless montages. They are even less important than scenes of the others having drinks n sex.
Queer women just don't matter.
#sorry if i sound too negative or snarky#i'm quite done being diplomatic#i try not to rant cos usually i start it gets long#i'm just really tired#with the string of cancellations#n this last season#n this is what we're getting#this is not about my hate#it's about their hate of us#I really tried to be positive n happy about the show in general#n the good scenes the other characters get#believing marina will get their turn#but the bias against queer women is just so blatant#we're only asking to be treated fairly#i'm too tired to try to rationalize n defend their choices anymore#even with paige - travis's sl is filled with neg stereotypes#if they had a queer woman as showrunner this season#maybe it'll be slightly better#maybe she can insist that the nuances matter#but i think there's sth else happening bts#how is 10pm slot worse than 8pm...#not on twitter#but if there's backlash#marina fans will be blamed#we should be grateful for whatever?#station 19 comments#station 19
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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i really think stucky fandom is the only one i've been in where making another relationship pretty much just as significant as theirs in fanfiction is the norm and obvs it used to not bother me but now it makes me crazy
like. i'm used to another pairing being together but then they break up and the main one gets together and you're like okay cool but stucky writers just muddy the waters and i'm like you know you can ignore them being with other people right this is fanfic you can do whatever you want you don't have to prop up this relationship to prove you're not misogynistic or whatever you can still write stucky exactly as they are without all this extra nonsense
#and you really think about it it's almost never tagged for#like i should not have to assume that it's there when it's not mentioned and yet i kind of have to#but yeah anything pertaining to the catfa era is really like#they're together but steve is at LEAST emotionally cheating with peggy if not worse#which even if you wanna argue that bc they have to hide their relationship that equals not being exclusive it's still insane shitty behavio#or it's just bucky pining away while steve gets with peggy (which if you care so much about canon why is that happening#they only kissed once and it was after bucky's death) and steve is oblivious until 2014#OR occasionally it'll either be peggy or bucky trying to selflessly let steve go be with the other#which when would peggy EVER after shooting him over lorraine#or them just being like 'oh we can share <3' which is just as stupid and annoying#sorry i was happy reading the first installments in this fic set during cw though i guess there was the sharon mention#but that's more tolerable than this now that we're looking at catfa/catws skjdfkjs#anti steggy
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the epic highs and lows of trying to read an ongoing shounen manga
#for me it uh. tends to have more epic lows than epic highs. im very unlucky with shounen#occasionally a few years after something i start reading it'll turn out to be good#but any time i follow something from the beginning it starts getting. worse#is it me? am i doing this? dont tell me to read your favourite shounen i'll turn it bad#did i ever mention that one manga. the moon is beautiful but first die#a mouthful of a title. it started kinda goofy but i really adored the main character for some reason#im still a bit attached to him. he cleans so well that he got the magic power to see real good. and now he can matrix bullet time#hes just like me for reeeeeeeaaaal hflkanjvdkfljfds but yeah that manga was. weird but fun BUT THEN#it got so wack you guys you dont understand. the first like one or two volumes? fun#everything else? god knows JHKFDJFDK i still read it all tho. i was invested in my guy with seeing real good powers#and im sorry to say. unfortunately it seems. a certain manga with a big tv adaptation that is pronounced oh she no co#my curse. its started. although that ones very much a epic high and epic low situation like itll be so so wack one minute#and suddenly get good again and then plummet back down HFKJDSBHJds we will see how it goes on#i started getting annoyed with the writing after the stageplay arc because they kept like. time skipping over so much#which i thought was a bit of a waste because there was a lot of interesting potential in a lot of the showbiz storylines. but we shall see#thats not shounen tho thats seinen but my curse applies to some seinen too LOL but most seinen i read is already finished#and shoujosei is spared from my curse. i think just because most i have the opportunity to read in english just tends to not#be drawn out or have weird scheduling things messing with the pacing. are there any weekly shoujosei magazines out there#i dont think weekly manga is good. for a lot of reasons mostly the mangakas health but also i find more weekly stuff i read#that isnt like. 4koma stuff suffers in its pacing a LOT. but again that might be my curse. the second i lay my eyes on it. the curse#(sorry ive been catching up on a lot of manga recently LOL ur getting my manga thoughts now)
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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This image but with a breakfast jack from jack in the box
#photo#erin talks#my stu🅱️id ass offered to go with my mom out of town for a work thing#& we're both overtired (stayed up till 3am) & in a lot of pain#I convinced my mom to take a full pain pill instead of half bc her fingers were shaking really badly#we got out the door & she turned around & went “my glasses........” so I went back in for them#like yknow smth inherently required to be able to drive . those glasses .#so it's already a Day . I'm sure it'll get worse#also I don't really think I was clear-- yesterday I offered to go & knew I needed to get up this morning & stayed up till 3am anyway#it's not my fault I can't do my neopets dailies until 1am my time#it is my fault I'm self-destructive tho ❤️ it's my traumatic experience and I get to choose the coping#it could be much worse than neopets lmao
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so. some qsmp streamers will do purgatory 2?
(flashbacks to bbh saying "should we do purgatory again, chat? 🥰")
I DON'T WANNA GO BACK I DON'T WANT TO I HOPE Q!BBH DIES NOW!!!! RUSH THE LORE, KILL HIM OFF ALREADY!!!! GO TO THE MIND DESERT AND STAY THERE!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!
on a different note about qsmp purgatory 2...
the fact that is no hint of incentive or end goal right now is actually what i really like about it because the eggs being on the line last time was TOO FUCKING STRESSFUL and caused a LOT of community drama whether or NOT there was a cursed team. im GLAD there isn't anyone we're attached to on the line this time, I THINK. AT LEAST. WHO KNOWS.
like if anything the incentive and reward at the end is "confetti confetti, you're going to quesadilla island! beautiful island of your dreams confetti celebration" and i'd prefer that a LOT more. and i think the drama will be LESS because there's no eggs involved and because it's mostly new people that we won't know, we don't know them yet, no one should be fast to fight over characters and creators we barely know
anyway BADBOYHALO DO NOT TAKE ME BACK PLEASE PLEASE I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN purgatory is good in retrospect LET'S KEEP IT RETROSPECT PLEEEEASE falling to my knees, crying a river, PLEEEEASE
unless skeppy is joining. ok. you can go. have fun. so be it. get your skeppy fix, king. buff out the q!skeppy lore. make it happen, big guy. i'll be there. suffering whenever it isn't q!skephalo. but i'll be there. either way. no skeppy? i'll still be there. im committed. i need q!bbh lore. it is what it is (lighthearted silliness)
#goopert talks qsmp#i get my fan content from tumblr and twitter and it was not fun either side THOUGH WORSE ON TWITTER#WAYYYYY WORSE but you don't need me to tell you#i think purgatory 2 will be a lot better than the first but i swear eggs better stay OUT OF IT!!!#NO BABIES BETTER HAVE THEIR LIVES HANGING IN THE BALANCE!!! KEEP THE EGG BABIES OUT OF IT!!!#speaking of babies i hope we see coco and caramel again on purgatory 2#i don't doubt that creator fans will fight for their faves rights (and wrongs) yanno yanno but even then#i expect a level of understanding the second time around to hold back while the event is fresh. who knows how long it'll last for
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not my dad getting upset and throwing a tantrum bc my mom got sick so they had to cut their plans short & come back home... his lack of self awareness & patience for other ppl blows my mind every time :/
#like sir how do u think you're the one that's been wronged ?????#now she's sad but i can't say anything bc hes so volatile it'll just make it worse ugh#he expects everyone to have a higher tolerance than him it's so fucking annoying#news flash other ppl can get sick too#reminds me of times i've gotten such low blood sugar i almost pass out & start seeing spots#and if we were out in public he'd just be like 'get over it if i can wait you can too' as a fucking child. like broooo
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hella I keep getting edits with some sort of original version of waiting room?? on my fyp and I'm gonna be honest waiting room wasn't a song that did me in quite as badly as the rest of you but this version I keep hearing literally rips my heart straight open😭😭 like I've been planning on fixing the no waiting room on spotify issue by taking it into my own hands🏴☠️ but now I know it's gonna have to be this version I'm not even bothering with lost ark waiting room. it's just gonna be waiting room og bc what the fuck?? "I never grew up with you, and you're not my waiting room" what the fuck??? with the haunting background noises literally WHAT THE FUCK????????
OMG IVE SEEN THAT ONE everyone keeps going on about the vocals of 'and you're not my waiting room' but i really cant get over 'i never grew up with you' like what??? WHAT??????
#for some reason i rlly connected this song to a childhood friend of mine that im pretty sure ive at least vaguely mentioned on here before#but basically we were INSEPERABLE for years of my childhood and he was about 2 years older than me#so i think i was 5 and he was 7 when we met and we stayed friends until i went up to secondary school so SIX YEARS#and we literally spent all day together we'd play in the gardens and run about the place and we were both really outdoorsy#and obvs it was before proper tech really started coming in so it was when kids literally just got shoved outside for the day#and left to their own devices and it was GREAT like i remember him and that time so fondly#but he was also really messed up like he'd come from a lot of foster homes and he'd had every kind of abuse#and he'd finally been adopted by the couple on my street who just couldn't handle him bc their answer to his issues#was to spoil him and give him what he wanted so he just got worse bc he had a real violent streak in him#and obvs if you let that grow in a boy they're not gonna wake up one day and it'll be gone like. it's going to get malicious#and low and behold he started getting like actually dangerous like he choked his sister once and he got kicked out of school#bc he threated to BEHEAD A GIRL WITH AN AXE like really fucked up shit#but i was in a pick me moment bc he was always really nice and respectful to me until he wasnt#and even then ive never ever blamed him for it bc we were both young and he was so traumatised#and sooner or later we stopped hanging out and my mum was relieved bc that's how bad he was getting#and ive literally never spoken to him again. but he's just one of those people i think about all the time????#like idk if it's bc of what went down or bc of the age i was but he was a HUGE deal to me and my development#and for some evil fucking reason i think of him when i listen to waiting room especially the 'i know it's for the better'#bc i KNOW it's for the better i got away from him before he got really bad but still i so desperately wish i couldve helped him yk?#especially now i understand what abuse actually means and what he'd suffered which i had no idea about at the time#SO TO ADD 'I NEVER GREW UP WITH YOU' WHEN I FEEL LIKE I ABANDONED HIM AS CHILDREN?? STOPPPP#PHOEBE PLEASEEEE#anyway unnecessary rant over rori pls pirate this song for the masses pls pls the world needs you#ask
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Is it better or worse if that was partially an intentional gesture because she Knew how bad the interaction would be on Miranda’s end?
#Seem So Unsafe ;; Vera#Don't Think We Should ;; Crack#What's All The Fuss ;; Dash Comm#SHE JUST. SHE'S EXPLAINED IT TO SOME DEGREE TO HER FATHER. SO IT WON'T BE TOO BAD OF HIM BEING OVERBEARING#BUT ALSO LIKE. SHE HAS THE BAREST BAREST UNDERSTANDING AND STILL PARSES HOW FUCKING R O U G H IT'LL BE#AND SHE'S WELL-AWARE IT'S GONNA BE WORSE THAN WHAT HER BRAIN CAN EVEN COME UP WITH.#BECAUSE SHE HAS /THE BEST DAD/ SO SHE CAN'T EVEN. GRASP IT.#and also it was a rather sudden ''marriage'' so y'know. oops! it was even more sudden than a las vegas wedding--
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Me when
When
When the others are not allowed in front 😭
If they are they aren't alone and thus get heavily influenced or dont have full control or smth 🥺💔
#sepiasys.txt#Pls I just want to stop feeling these things 😭#sepiasys.priv#Idk if there's been a DAY we weren't pet or age regressed atleast once /g#It doesn't help that our roommates are kinda triggers? S especially is. ☕️ is comfortable beside him as a pet; 🪴 just hates everyone (/hj/t)#B actually triggers our 🪴 the most which is. something...#It's impossible to unmask around these people :(#🪶 has been out a lot more recently as well? Holding all the shame and guilt 😓#🌼 only ever feels excited or happy or even content at the calmest. 👑 is rarely fuckin here but we try because he's rlly important.#Omg I feel suddenly sleepy now akabksbs NOT cool >:/#Idk if we have more alters; It's so confusing. I wonder if it's because we just never feel like an adult#Honestly 🪶 has been here feeling worthless af and like. the thing that would HELP is if we get a job!#Like we thought about it and yeah having a job would make us feel less like a burden on our roommates#But then we literally cannot think of anything that would sound good to an employer??? Like are we actually so worthless lmao (😞🥺)#AGH I WANNA LIE AGAIN!! I WANT TO LIE AND PRETEND WE'RE MORE CAPABLE THAN WE CAN REMEMBER BC WE CANT REMEMBER SHIT!!#Stop valuing honesty it'll get us nowhere or make things worse/harder in a lot of cases >:(#Fucking GODDAMNIT‼️ I'm like going to punch some shit but also I literally am not allowed in front-front (I dont think anyways) >:/#ARE WE JUST SUBCONSCIOUSLY MASKING ALL THE DAMN TIME OR IS IT SOMEONE ELSE IN FRONT; THAT IS THE QUESTION >:0#I fucking hate appearing normal how the fuck do I act like societal norms don't apply to me
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huh,
#it's me#tw vent#avpd posting#i think our former sp made our avpd worse#intentionally or unintentionally. either way#when we were together we told each other on numerous occasions that we felt like the only people we could be good for was the other#that this relationship was the only one that could be stable and safe for either of us#and then we lost them#and they had people. they had friends. and we didn't#and two weeks later they already had a partner and it felt like they were forgetting us#and at a certain point it didn't just FEEL like it. they HAD forgotten about us in part because of a system reset on their end#but#we were still left with nothing. we've only had one relationship since then and it lasted a month#and we're still stuck believing that we lost our chance at a good and safe relationship#we're still stuck believing that we'd be bad for anyone other than them because that's what we told ourselves#and we were never given any reassurance in the other direction--just a ''haha lol same!!''. just ''it'll be us until the end of time''#and we're stuck here feeling like a monster. because how could we lose that? no matter how many times we're told it wasn't our fault#it'll always feel like it was#and we can't help feeling like we were made into a fool to think that it would actually be safe. to think that it would just be us#well. it is just us now. but in a plural singular way; not in a relationship way#man this sucks#ex vents
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hoooooooo okay. new cover letter written, resume is ready to go, let's fuckiN DO THIS.
#the internal role/promotion i've been hoping for since last summer apprently fucking posts on wednesday!!#fucking finally#love that within a week of me starting to look for a new job this come back#i'm really happy with this cover letter#the Ask A Manager advice column has been such a game changer. i finally feel like i know how to write this shit#i'd really love to get this job. it will be A Lot of work. way more than i have now i think. but it'll be such good experience#because realistically i'm not going to be able to go back to school in any capacity while i'm working full time#and also this job will pay soooo much better than both what i'm at now and the stuff i'm applying for elsewhere#there's some corporate drama in my company that i'm not a fan of but tbh i don't think it's an uncommon kind. just money grubbing#which still sucks but like. it could be so much worse. and i really like what we do and (most of) the people i work with#this will be a good fit#if i'm lucky enough to get it#🤞#narrating my life
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update, the zit on my chin is back YET AGAIN so I get to try out the new extra strength microdart patches from zitsticka. in slightly better news, finally figured out what was causing my hip flexor pain from running and it was the FUCKING SHOES so I went out and got new ones which will be hopefully better for me
#catchup for those just joining us: back in college I ran a handful of distance races (10 mi and half marathons)#its been 5 years since my last one - I wanted to do one in 2020 but obviously that didn't work out#so here we are and i am almost 2 months into training with a 10 mi race in 1 month and a half marathon in 2 months#and when i started this training i was at nearly the heaviest body weight ive ever had and also the least in shape ive ever been#and i didn't have any running gear so i had to make do with old clothes etc until i could get new ones#including shoes#so when i started training i was using these skechers walking shoes ive had for a couple years#and then about a month in i ordered some new running shoes. didn't pay too much attention when i bought them#they just looked similar to shoes ive used in the past so i thought theyd be fine#first thing I noticed when i put them on was the heel was a little higher than what im used to but didn't really think anything of it#within like a day of wearing them i started developing this hip flexor pain#and i was like huh that's weird i must have been too aggressive with my hip stretches#i'll ice it and change up my stretching routine and it'll be fine#well it was not fine#it just kept slowly getting worse#i tried running outside instead of treadmill / icing / stretching different. nothing worked#meanwhile trying to think what the HECK is causing this bc ive never had this issue with running or dancing or taekwondo#is it my heavier bodyweight? is it the fact that i sit all day at work now?? those were my best guesses#finally the other night i was in a panic bc i didn't know what else to do other than take a break from running for a few days#and maybe do elliptical instead to still get cardio but take a break from the impact of running#but that's STILL a setback i really didn't want to take#so im going crazy trying to decide what to do and if ANYTHING else could be causing this and it hits me: the shoes.#i wasn't having issues until the new shoes and then it was a very rapid onset#so for shits and grins i ran 4 miles in my walking shoes on friday. felt a million times better#and i text my dad like you'll never believe this but i think the raised heel in my shoes might have been giving me hip pain#and hes like oh yeah you probably need a shoe with lower heel drop#and im like. excuse u. what the FUCK is a heel drop. so i googled it#turns out running shoes with lower heel-toe differential put the force of impact on your ankles and calves#and shoes with higher heel-toe differential put it on your knees AND YOUR FUCKING HIPS#how was I supposed to know this???!?!?!?
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How to spot Liberal Zionist Propaganda 101
This post is by no means exhaustive at all. There are many Liberal Zionist talking points but these are just some of the most common ones. While on the surface they seem a little naive and hopeful at best, they are very much harmful. If you claim to be an ally to Palestinians, this post is primarily for you!
For starters, liberal Zionists will often try to both-sides the issue of Palestine, talk about how it's complicated, they'll claim that the conflict hurts both Israelis and Palestinians, how the only way forward is one where Jews and Arabs "just need to get along," amongst other things. They also often like to centre themselves, even when acknowledging Palestinians as the victims of Israel or this "conflict." From time to time, they also like to engage in tokenising certain Palestinians whose views tend to more or less align with theirs. Here are some common arguments you may hear from them:
1. Any form of justifying Israel's existence or claiming that the only solution is two states
It does not really need to be said why justifying Israel's existence is harmful but justifying its continued existence also means legitimising Israel's land theft, its expulsions of Palestinians, and its ongoing harm to Palestinians and other populations. Reducing any sorts of “solutions” into a binary is unhelpful. Needless to say, a 2ss would not even address any legitimate concerns Palestinian have, such as the right of return, and would only legitimise Israel’s colonialism. Talking about a two-state solution also implies that the root of the conflict lies in Palestinians not having their own state rather than being an occupied people. It is very much also possible to construct a paradigm where Jews and Palestinians both live together on the same land as equal citizens that doesn't involve two separate states, much less an ethnostate.
2. Security for Israel could only come through peace
This is a similar talking point to the one above. Not only does it centre Israeli safety and security above Palestinian liberation but it mistakenly assumes that once Israel makes peace with Palestinians, it'll achieve security. The reality, however, is that Israel's imagined security has quite often come at the expense of peace. In fact, "peace" has just acted as nothing more than a smoke-screen for Israel to carry out its expansionist policies, particularly in the West Bank. When liberal Zionists talk about peace juxtaposed with Israeli security, they're talking about attaining a negative peace rather than a positive one.
3. Israelis are not their government.
This point does nothing to actually help Palestinians. It is also an incredibly tone-deaf thing to say when Israel has targeted many Palestinian civilians by having alleged proximity to Hamas, such as being family members of militants or leaders (inc. children!), civil servants in a Hamas-led government, or even any male above the age of 15 they consider to be a potential combatant! It also deliberately erases Israeli civilians' support of and culpability in Israel's actions towards Palestinians.
4. Netanyahu and/or the Israeli right are the source of conflict.
While it is true that things have gotten inadvertently worse under Israel's various right-wing governments, they are not the source of conflict, but rather a product of extremist nationalism and Jewish supremacy perpetuated by the system. Both the 1967 occupations and settlements were undertaken under centre-left governments in Israel, and Israeli policy under non-right wing governments has been just as harmful towards Palestinians and has paved the way for where we are today. Blaming Netanyahu just also obscures the violent nature of Israel's military occupation over Palestinians which long precede him coming into power.
5. Netanyahu and Hamas are two sides of the same coin
I don't think I've seen any allies give validity to this claim but it's an extremely reductionist claim and is sort of similar to the one above. Groups like Hamas are merely a response to the Israeli occupation while Netanyahu is a byproduct of it. While some Israelis may see Hamas or their actions as an "obstacle to peace," Israel's actions and policies long pre-date Hamas and how Israel is currently responding to Hamas is no different to how Israel has engaged with Palestinian militant groups in the past, regardless of political affiliations or political goals. It is also important to note that Hamas has agreed to the establishment of a state along 1967 borders while Netanyahu aims to prolong the occupation and empower the settler movement (some of whom are part of his coalition government) as much as possible.
6. Israel is not a settler-colonial state.
While it is indisputable that Jews have historical connections to Palestine, that doesn’t automatically make you Indigenous or negate Israeli settler-colonialism. Colonialism in particular describes a relationship of exploitation. There are many cases of this, but we most clearly see this in the West Bank where Israel exploits natural resources on occupied Palestinian territory for its own political and economic gains. In terms of settler-colonialism, it is widely known that Israel expelled hundreds of thousands of Palestinians to make way for Jewish refugees and migrants to the new state of Israel, and is still actively facilitating Jewish migration to Israel today while denying Palestinians their right of return.
7. (X) doesn't help Palestinians.
It is not up to anyone to determine whether certain tactics or strategies are helpful or not. This point only seeks to discredit pro-Palestine organising. Only Palestinians get to decide what is actually helpful for the cause or not.
8. Any sort of Hamas-blaming.
On the surface it may seem like there’s nothing wrong with this, but this point is often harmful and usually lends itself to right-wing talking points because its objective is to deflect blame away from Israel. Certain arguments blaming Hamas also aim to minimise Palestinian suffering perpetuated by Israel. It also paints Israeli violence as retaliatory to Palestinian violence which only obfuscates Israel’s (and by extension, the US’) role in its state military apparatus and the differing power dynamics between Israelis and Palestinians. In other contexts, this point seeks to also legitimise certain opposition, such as the Palestinian Authority. Hamas-blaming also tends to sometimes lead to racist diatribes about Palestinians and their culture.
9. Al-Jazeera is not a credible news source.
Al Jazeera is a news source like any other. It has varying editorial policies and therefore will have equally good reporting on certain issues while having terrible reporting on others. The difference is that Al-Jazeera's news on Palestine is credible because it comes directly from their Palestinian reporters on the ground and first-hand eyewitness accounts. Western news sources are no more or less credible than al-Jazeera. Compare this to CNN, NYT, and any other Western news sources where Palestinian voices are often entirely missing from the narrative.
10. Overemphasis of antisemitism on the left
Antisemitism is a real issue and has the potential to fester in left circles if not directly addressed head on. Combatting antisemitism is extremely important, however, it is not an issue exclusive to the left. There is also a double standard in that no one expects Zionists to call out Islamophobia and anti-Palestinian racism. Certain accusations of "antisemitism" also seek to distract from what's going on in Palestine by making it about Jewish comfort and feelings. Combatting antisemitism, Islamophobia, anti-Arab racism etc is always important as the basis of good politics.
Last but not least, be wary of native collaborators or any sort of normalisers! They are Palestinians or Arabs who try very hard to appeal to Western liberal consensus and can end up perpetuating a lot of harm to the cause and/or other activists. You will know them when you see them.
#palestine#israel#liberal zionism#other palestinians feel free to add onto this whether it be other points or anything else
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everything's bigger in texas
pairing: joel x reader
tags/cws: size kink, praise kink, p in v, oral f and m receiving, virginity loss
summary: go big or go home on your first time
a/n: reader is a virgin, but is not specified to be a certain age and in my mind is only a bit younger than joel
div creds to @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
wc: 2k
tags: @vaaaaaiolet @faysslut @leonfucker3000 @withonly-sweetheart
It's embarrassing. It's the reason why you'd hesitated to even talk to Joel in the first place, fearing he might like you back, in which case, he might ask you out, and according to Cosmopolitan and the metaphorical grapevine, you would only get three dates at most before you'd have to end it. And you better not order the fucking lobster. Ever.
You get dolled up on the night you plan to bid him adieu. You'd feel horrible for wasting his time regardless, but the fact that he decides to treat you to dinner at a fancy restaurant for your third date, makes you feel even worse.
The worst part of it all is: you really like him. He makes you feel like you're in high school again despite the fact that he's decades past that point in his life - it's the way your heart flutters in his presence, the way he makes your cheeks heat up when he compliments you. However, this is anything but an innocent crush. You want more than the kiss on the cheek he gives you when he greets you at your doorstep, more than his hand holding yours as he helps you step in and out of the car, more than his arm around your waist as he leads you to the table.
You want him to fuck you.
You try to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror before he arrives, and for an extra confidence boost, you wear the singular pair of underwear in your drawer that matches the one bra that actually fits right, hoping it'll make you feel sexy. But what good is sexy if you’re not going to have sex?
But, at the restaurant, you decide to order a double shot of liquid courage, which is a one-way ticket to going home with Joel.
He drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your thigh. He’s so hot that even the smallest things can get you worked up. It’s the first time in a long time that your arousal has been able to override your nerves.
You barely get your coat off before you’re pressed up against the door, and he’s kissing you with a type of hunger you’ve never felt before. You know he'll leave you with a case of stache-rash but you can't bring yourself to care.
You stumble across the room to the couch – you would’ve walked backwards into the coffee table if Joel hadn’t picked you up and carried you. You’re not even that drunk - at least, not on alcohol – just insistent on not breaking the kiss until you’re out of breath and you absolutely have to.
When his body looms over you, all you're thinking about is the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands playing with your tits, making you gasp when his thumbs brush over your nipples.
He gets so far as slipping his hand up your dress, but the moment his fingers brush the gusset of your panties, you grab his wrist.
"Joel—"
"Yeah?" He's quick to sit up and back off completely — not exactly what you intended but you're grateful that he respects boundaries.
"I should just be honest with you. I’ve never done this before, so I’m a little nervous…"
You're more than a little bit nervous, especially when you're so used to guys making up excuses to leave when they notice your hesitance after you reveal the truth, after they find out that they're not guaranteed to have you in bed that night.
Joel doesn't kick you out, not even close, he looks unfazed, and you're at a loss. The script you've planned says: end scene, but the camera is still rolling. You have to ad lib.
“That’s okay. We don’t have to do that. I’m more than satisfied just getting to kiss you. Hell, I’d be happy just to have you sit on the couch with me, not touching or anything.”
You should feel more comfortable - and in a way, it does - but the novelty of the situation still leaves you dumbfounded.
You can see the worry in his eyes gain prominence as you remain silent.
"Hey," he says quietly. "Are you okay? I promise we don't have to do anything like that. We can just hang out, watch a movie or somethin', no touching at all."
"But I want you, Joel. That's the problem. I really want you."
"I want you too, but only when you're ready."
“I am ready, just nervous since this is new to me.”
“Is this your first time doing anything… of that nature?”
"No, I’ve done some things, I just haven’t gone all the way yet."
Handjobs, blowjobs, the whole nine yards - well, really, the first three bases in the sports/sex analogy.
“Would you like to tell me about those things?”
The look in his eyes – sweet and suggestive all at once gives you a spark of confidence.
"I could tell you, but I’d rather show you," you say with a flirtatious smile.
"Only if you let me return the favor."
It takes a lot of willpower to keep yourself composed when you're face-to-dick with Joel. You feel a rush of something — lust, nerves, both? All you can think is: there's no way that is ever going to fit inside me.
It doesn't fit down your throat, not even close, but Joel's 50, not 20, so he knows that unlike in pornography, most women cannot deepthroat. He doesn't expect you to even attempt such a feat. Just looking into your eyes while you're on your knees for him is enough to get him there.
Post-orgasm, he's internally beating himself up for not using his good southern manners and pleasing his woman first. The best he can do is double his typical dedication when he goes down on you.
He doesn't need to try that hard. In what feels like mere seconds, Joel's fingers work you open, pulling an orgasm from you when he dips his head between your legs and flicks his tongue over your clit.
When he can tell you're close, he says, "I'm right here, baby. Let go for me." His lips return to your clit and with his reassurance you let yourself fall over the edge.
It's not until your fourth date that you actually make your first attempt to lose your virginity.
He makes you cum twice - once on his fingers, once on his tongue - before he even takes his cock out of his underwear.
You're tired by that time, ready to apologize and see yourself out, but then you look at him, naked and hard in front of you, and despite your exhausted body, your pussy drools (maybe your mouth too). It gives you a jolt of energy, a rush of blood down south.
Joel’s body is positioned perfectly above you, ready to give himself to you, but he waits, looks at you with admiration in his eyes but doesn’t touch you. When he does, it's his right hand on your cheek.
"Are you gonna… put it in?" you say, laughing a little – anything to break the tension.
"Just wanted to make sure you were okay first," he says with a warm smile.
"I'm more than okay," you assure him.
At your confirmation, his kisses move from your cheek to your jaw, they get rougher at your neck, your collarbone. He sucks on your tits until you whine in impatience.
You feel his breath as he huffs out a laugh into your neck between kisses. But you're more focused on the head of his cock prodding at your entrance. When Joel presses himself inside you — one inch first — you both take in a sharp breath. You're audibly wet, but there's still a stretch, a sting.
Joel sees your eyes squeezed shut and feels you tense up.
"You wanna stop?" he asks.
"No," you tell him. "Just… go slow."
He takes your hand, interlocks your fingers, before giving you another inch. For whatever reason, you hadn't expected him to be this sweet during sex, but you have no complaints.
Gradually, it starts to feel better, a lot better. You start to understand why people like this so much.
But then, you accidentally sabotage yourself when your gaze fixates on his cock going in and out of your pussy. A sense of shame falls over you when you realize he's only halfway inside you.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"It's not all the way in," you sigh.
"And that's okay, baby."
"I wanted to be able to take it all… I wanted to be good for you."
"Trust me, baby, it feels fuckin' amazing. You're squeezin' me so damn tight you're gonna make me embarrass myself."
"I can't help it."
"I know," he says, leaning down to whisper beside your ear, "and that's what makes it feel even better."
You whimper quietly - it's a flustered, needy, good noise, but still, Joel cups your cheek and holds infinite comfort within his touch as he shushes you, saying, "you're doing so good for me."
With slight shift of his hips, a change in angle, he hits that special spot inside you and you can feel the pleasure begin to build.
You moan — louder than you intended to — and it almost startles Joel, briefly takes him out of his trace. He doesn't know your sobs of pleasure well enough to be sure they're not ones of pain.
"You okay? You want me to pull out?"
"No, don't pull out. Do that again," you say, frantically grasping at him, horrified at the thought of him no longer being inside you.
"Do what again?" he says with a subtle smirk that lets you know that he knows exactly what.
"This?” he asks as he hits the same spot again and you can't tell him 'yes' when your mouth is busy with far more obscene noises, so you nod.
"Right there?" he confirms again, as he steadily thrusts in and out of you, not pushing any deeper, only meeting that special spot over and over.
It's rhetorical, and your 'uh-huh' is more than sufficient as an answer.
Pride mixes with lust and he rattles off praises, knowing he'll get your tight, wet heat to clench around him with every single word.
"You're takin' me so well, baby. You look so pretty like this," he says.
You cry out his name like it's the only word you know, over and over again.
"You're gonna make me cum if you keep sayin' my name like that, baby."
And it's not calculated dirty talk, it's just the goddamn truth.
With begging eyes and a mouthful of moans, you nod and hope your wordless gesture will convey the meaning, which is: please.
Your legs wrap around his hips and there is nothing Joel can do to hold himself back from burying himself to the hilt. There's nothing he can do to stop himself from spilling his load inside you immediately.
You swear you can feel him in your stomach, and you can see a bulge in your abdomen, and it would be fascinating if you weren't focused on clutching the sheets for dear life in an effort to save Joel from the wrath of your acrylics as you shudder through your orgasm.
You nearly lose yourself in the bliss of your high, all you know is Joel and the way he feels inside you.
When you come to, you turn to Joel and he says, "I'm proud of you," a phrase that never fails to make you melt.
You want to say "thanks" or "I love you" or any normal response one might give to that statement, but your words are already halfway out of your mouth.
"I swear you're gonna kill me with that thing," you say, gesturing to his cock, which looks not nearly as threatening when it's soft.
When he lies down beside you and wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer, you think to yourself, "maybe I am dead, and this is heaven."
You don’t realize you’ve said it aloud until Joel says, "I'm pretty sure we're still in Texas, baby.”
"Same thing.”
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