#it'll be slow but i can do it
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nice!! okay mine were:
- graduating from college with a bachelor's degree in film and media studies (yay!!)
- shooting, directing, producing, and editing my first ever music video (for my brother's song)
- going on a cruise for the first time
- seeing twenty one pilots they were AMAZING!!
- going to see TIT both with a friend and later alone and ACTUALLY MEETING DNP!!!! (this one might be my favorite) (yes i was even more excited than finishing my degree lmao)
- and realizing that if i make youtube videos, people will actually watch them! i'm so excited to make more!!
anyway this year was actually really hard for me but goddamn did we have some high highs and low lows anyway happy new year everyone i actually really love the positive stuff that happened so i'm gonna focus on that :)
seeing so many people spreading positivity in the phandom and it is SO lovely to see! here’s my attempt to spread some as well— what are some of your happiest moments from 2024?
mine are getting into my grad school program, seeing TIT, and moving to a cool new city :)
#SAD THINGS MENTIONED NEXT PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION ->#on a real note one of the people i loved most in this world died and it's been so fucking hard#i'm putting this in the tags because it's more personal#but yeah it's been pretty fucking hard and my mental health has been worse in general and i can't find a job and i feel pretty useless#but it's okay!! i'm actually pretty hopeful and i want to make things better for me in the new year#it'll be slow but i can do it#if i look back and i mean really look back on it#i did some pretty great things this year too.#yay!!#for now i can focus on that#sorry for dumping this here but if you've read this far thanks#and i'm gonna try my best. things are gonna be better i promise.
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Has doctor doctor been abandoned??!! Please tell me you're going to continue it!
dawg it's been 3 weeks relax.
I've got a lot on in my personal life right now so it's taking longer than usual to get through my work. It most definitely is NOT abandoned and I'll update as soon as I am able. Do not worry.
#i think maybe some of the gf fandom came here after i mentioned my therapy stuff#so if you don't know:#i am in very intense therapy currently and it sometimes means I can't do much which in turn means my fic output slows down for a bit#that plus some other personal things PLUS this next chapter being complex means it is going to take some time#im sorry about that but there's nothing i can do#you can either have a chapter quickly or you can have it done well#and i think i know which you'd prefer#so chill#it'll be fine#good things come to those who eat the early worm or whatever Descartes said#asks#anon
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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So much of anxiety is living in both the past and future and not being present so, I’m trying to make a conscious effort to stay in the present from now on because I literally don’t actually exist anywhere else. so whats that matter - we just have right now. Constant worrying doesn’t actually alter anything. If bad, shitty stressful things are going to happen they will, there’s no control in that. Just have to live. Just have to continue, adapt and do the best you can in the moment you’re actually fucking in and keep going. Gotta go through bad stuff to get to the cool shit. There’s always good stuff coming. Either way you gotta just keep going.
so presently I’m standing in my kitchen and it’s crazy foggy outside. I have the worlds most precious cat at my feet and i’m eating warmed homemade coffee cake.
#I also popped a b12 so that helps everything#my sleep schedules been really good lately too#I get up early and I'm busy until late so trying to slow my thoughts down to what's going on right in front of me#l tell everyone else to do that but don't always follow it myself because u know#the Disorders#haven't rly had my late night decompression I love but that's ok#I have that now in the morning for the moment#when I woke up my bedroom window was wide open and it felt and smelled like fall#felt cleansed and when I saw the fog immediately wanted to go to this little town near the beach that looks incredible foggy#but didn’t#went and made breakfast and lunches stupid early and been having a slow day since#I'm always fast and 5 steps ahead and I'm gonna ya know try not to do that anymore#I recognize that’s a survival instinct to be hypervigilant all the time I’ve been that way since childhood#and pair that with the last couple years health weirdness it's been a lot mentally#l've actually been thinking about checking out therapy especially for my ocd#I've gotten a handle on certain things but that's one thing that I still struggle with#especially because it latches onto real stressors and it can be a personal nightmare honestly#but with the right tools and time can get there#a therapist overall is probably a good idea too everyone needs one honestly lol#not me usually because I'm my own best therapist but maybe that's my problem#either way I'm a strong bitch it'll be fine#what’ll be will be#gonna drop the need for control on things I can't control and yeah! that's it#gonna look out the window about it#and take things as they come#and do scary and new shit#and push myself but also remember to be gentle with myself#and I'm gonna try not to be mean to anyone at work today but I can't make any promises#this coffee cake is the best thing in the world i'm sry you don't have it in your mouth too#wrote this hours ago but sentiment still stands and I haven’t been mean yet but there’s still time
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having a snack on their shiny new floor ✨
#putting them on a new feed protocol to see if it helps my whole.....situation#high high high fiber and just enough pellet to keep them at an ok weight#annoyed their wean date is....the day before i leave but what can you do#and if anyone is sick when i get home it'll be calling waddl time. and hopefully i learn some answers#i'm kinda worried the answers are gonna be 'yep that's enterotoxaemia and there's nothing you can do' which will be a net zero information#but that's why i'm also trying this new diet at the same time#high fiber and low carb diets are supposed to help kits with weaning stress and prevent enteric diseases according to every college ever#so may as well try!! hay and oats is cheap. ish#also happy that the feed i'd like to switch to is also higher in fiber than any of the local options i have#so maybe it'll also help. but probably the biggest help will be finally getting in the new barn and off these damn dirt floors#glad that it's the slow breeding season anyway so i can take a little break to figure this out without impacting my food supply#i really did think i had this figured out last year but i can never have anything easy#rabbits#blanc de hotot#kits
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fourth lobby fourth lobby fourth lobby fourth lobBY FOURTH LOBBY FOURTH LOBBY FOURTH LOBBY FOURTH!!!! LOBBY!!!!!!!
#Final Fest#Splatoon 3#Splatoon spoilers#Splat3#FOURTH HUB AREA????? FOR THE SPLATFEST???????#Do you think they'll be shops? And new shop keepers?#I doubt it personally very late in the game to give us new characters#But I coooooould see a return of Crusty Sean#And maybe the owner of Hotlantis finally makes an appearance?#I imagine it'll be a temporary place only for build up to and during Final Fest#I say during build up as well because we have the shots of the idols not in their final fest fits#So we must be able to access this lobby sometime not during final fest#It's kinda hard to tell what's scene setting and what's place you can actually stand#Because like. The big all three groups stage is FULL of Jellies#I feel like that'd slow the game down a LOT and even if it didn't there's no squid NPCs on the floor as well#So I doubt it's somewhere you can actually have your Inkling stand... which is odd given it's where the big Concert is happening#I dunno I dunno....
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SNAP. art block has washed over me. what do you do when you feel like this?
scream and cry idk but to NOT be smarmy i got two options: brute force your way through it with doodles or just take a break from drawing for a couple hours or days if you've been overworking yourself with drawing
#snap chats#i dont get art block often i think but its a horrible feeling so let me try to bestow whatever wisdom i have JVLEKRJA#truly the best thing you can do is just step away and give your brain a moment to just relax#if you overwork yourself then your brains gonna throw up yk#when you work out or do any strenuous activity you always know to give yourself some time to rest#same thing for art block just chill and you'll get the groove back eventually !!!#alternatively if you're trying to brute force your way through it then just draw. literally anything#literally whatever could just be circles and other shapes#you could rough out thumb nails And I Do Mean Rough and save them for a later day when you're feeling more motivated#ive started to do that when i have comics i really wanna draw but am just Not Feeling It#ill start to work on one and draft it and it'll be really rough but ill be like 'ill fix it later i just want it down'#and. sometimes that happens VJAELVKAJKJ but yeah that helps me i find#all in all i guess tldr dont stress yourself out ? idk. like if you're just drawing for yourself then you have no concrete deadlines#just take it slow and be kind to yourself
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I've had enough character development for this year. Can we skip to the beach filler episode?
#lmao#had a great day mostly but im feeling the burnout#hindsight im glad im gonna be taking summer off from college#yeah it'll take me a bit longer to get my degree but i crammed in a lot of shit within a year#and working on projects and theory and application non stop#caught up to me#there's still a part of me thats like BITCH TAKE 1 CLASS THATS 1 LESS TO WORRY ABOUT#but the other is like BITCH 1 CLASS AINT GON DO SHIT CHILL YOU OVERACHIEVING CHICKEN FRIED FUCK#“you take everything on like you're running out of time even though the thing you need most is rest.”#thank you friendo for calling me out on my bullshit 🙏🏻💯#maybe i should hire them to tell me when i need to slow the fuck down#cause even though ive gotten better with taking care of myself i get so caught up with my ambitions that it bites me in the ass#that and when you're disabled and if you get that window of opportunity where you feel good you want to crank all the shit out you can#before going back into hibernation mode#vicious cycle#anyway i be ranting#no magenta here but some other color that we shouldn't be able to comprehend but we do anyway
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playing with circles O●°○•°o.
#trypophobia#i want to draw again so bad#i feel like my brain is too full of gunk and the only way to clean it is by drawing and i just don't have the time#i did this at work when it was slow#i'm in the process of moving right now. it'll be my first time living alone#i'm finally getting my adhd medicated after getting diagnosed in january#my life is so different year to year it honestly is dizzying#at this time last year my current roommate and i were looking for an apartment#at this time two years ago i had been at my second job ever for three months and i didn't have a car#and my mom had to drive with me to and from work because the van had been totaled and we only had the one car for the four of us#at this time three years ago i had just graduated and was a month into my first ever job. didn't even know how to drive#i thought i was so behind in life and that i was gonna be stuck like that eternally#now... god i don't even know. i'm trying to be positive#this is gonna be my solo chapter. my zuko alone episode. my walden pond.#but really i'm just so scared all the time and i have no choice but to keep treading water forever#i feel like all through childhood everything stays the same. nothing prepared me for living through constant change#entering my mid twenties i'm learning that. yeah you can't predict everything you can't prepare for everything#you can't keep anything and you can't change anything#but you can hold it in your hands. you can choose to live it. you can choose to be there#i hope once i get settled at my new place i'll suddenly find time to do everything#i hope the meds help me with that. i just want to draw again. i just want to feel alive again
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Gonna go running tomorrow!!!! Gotta hype myself up because i know once my alarm goes off at 6am i will not be as excited anymore ((((: BUT I'LL GO RUNNING!!!!
#i just#need to get some actual exercise#where i can completely exhaust myself#i mean. i get some pretty exhausting 10 minutes every morning on my hike to class#but i want something a bit longer and something that will end in a nice shower and not in a seminar room#I'm just a bit scared of how it'll go because so far the paths where people exercise are also occupied by other people#and then there's bikes that might kill you if you don't watch out#so i wanna go early so i hopefully avoid random people taking a painfully slow walk in the middle of the path#so you can't pass them#but I'll be moving!!! fast!! i cannot wait tbh#i should have gone tonight#(watch me oversleep and be too unmotivated to go tomorrow morning... istg if i don't get up at 6#I'll still go at 8 or 9 or 10 am and have to live with the consequences of the paths being crowded#I'd go to bed early but my neighbors keep me up until 2am every night so that's fun#but the running will be worth it#(I'm not even a runner ㅠㅠ i just need to substitute my usual high intensity workouts with something other than pilates and yoga#i mean it's definitely not bad to be forced to do something out of my comfort zone but i really miss my jumping around time)#void screams
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see in my head i fully believe that over time i'm gonna go back and write all the days i've skipped in my whumptober series, it might take months but in my head, eventually, they will all get written. will this actually happen? who knows! but i am never short on ideas, only fuel and motivation, so we'll see what the next few months bring
of course i actually have to make it to the end of october first, but that's entirely besides the point
#mind you i'm taking a fat nap and a break after october ends#but eventually#i do want to write for all the skipped prompts#it'll probs be a slow process#but maybe i can fill them all in before next october#but also i have so many other projects i wanna work on#[big bang fic stares menacingly at me]#[other undisclosed project mocks me from afar]#so like who knows where my writing will go next#all i know is that i'm never lacking in gallavich brainworms#they consume my every thought#sam rants
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I'm sorry for not having anything new to share artwise despite me drawing and painting like...everyday comic is coming along!! I've already met my goal in order to launch on Oct 17th!!! I'm so nervous and excited wahhh
when you put your heart and soul into something for 5 years and suddenly its like...happening 😳I can't even put into words all the feelings I'm feeling haha... This is going to be my life for the next 10+ years???? craziness Can't wait to share my heart wrenching story lmao
#al speaks#im like hyping myself up mostly because I do feel bad that if i have to post the comic only one page a week it'll be slow going...#ya know..#and i know that every successful comic before me also had to get past this 'slow start' point haha#I've been very productive tho...maybe I can do 2 pages a week sooner then I thought
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I am working 6 days next week someone shoot me in the head
#I just DID 6 days!!!!!!#and I think I'm working 10 hours tomorrow 🫠🫠#my manager was like 'oh but you're on vacation after that so you'll be fine! you're young!'#yes but I'm BUSY DOING STUFF during my time off next week!!!!#ughgghh#yeah it's money. and it'll be slow so I can most likely knock off a few books (which I'll be glad to do)#but still.#like I want to spend 12 hours reading my (physical) book (since I just read downloaded ones at work)#and I want to spend 7 hours binging a show#and I want to change my Tumblr themes. like you don't understand!#also im apparently training someone tomorrow!?#why. the season is almost over and it's not busy anymore.#also she's like a member!? so idk why but it just feels weird#I might send her home early cause honestly. she prolly doesn't need to stay the whole day#idk I feel weird training her.#so I only have Saturday off 💀
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The daunting realization that it's officially November which means NaNo and I'm not prepared in the slightest.
#; OOC || Bri ♟️#//I really wanted to try again this year to see if I can get more out of it than I did last year. Even if it's only by a small margin.#//But with all the loss and chaos it's been difficult wanting to do anything creative.#//So I'm extremely nervous about how it'll go. But maybe it'll help get some motivation back?? Hopefully?#//It's probably going to be a slow process still so I can't make any promises on a timeline.#//But maybe it'll help restore some of my confidence and creativity a bit to jump back in the game on here. 🙏
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dreading work tomorrow sooooo so so so much. i have to do a thing i really don't wanna do lol and it's gonna suck and nothing is gonna work and I'm gonna look stupid and feel stupid. but at least it'll be Friday.
#README#i shouldnt talk like that#maybe it'll be easier than i think#and at least its something to do this week has been so slow and boring#it feels like i only get tickets that are. incredibly frustrating#and the rest of the time im just sitting there with nothing to do#so at least itll keep me busy#and if anything goes wrong i can blame it on my manager#kidding (mostly)
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should I read the book version of spontaneous...
#worded this the way i did because brian's film is the original to ME. ok.#and like. I'll be sosososo sad if I don't like it and whenever i watch the movie I'll remember that i didn't like the book...#BUT. if i do like it it'll be so fun to hang out with mara in a new way and i can read it in the sun and it's ya#so it won't be difficult or slow yk.#has anyone read it can they be a real one and tell me if they're super different in like. a bad way.
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