#it’s… actually kind of distressing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

smilesrobotlover · 10 months ago

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I need to get Hawaiian shirts asap

#or at least the style #rn they’re the only clothes not making me want to crawl out of my own skin #for some reason I really struggle fashion-wise #I cant find a look I like or a look that suits me #it’s… actually kind of distressing #but the shirt I’m wearing rn vibes so hard #smiles rambles

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lucabyte · 5 months ago

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So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.

#'but lucabyte didnt you already do a comic with this exact same message? that loop has potentially killed their party intentionally before?'#yes i did absolutely do that thank you for noticing. that is what the cannibalism comic is about. no that was not a metaphor. lol #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #sifloop #isat siffrin #isat loop #in stars and time fanart #isat fanart #lucabyteart #ill ramble elsewhere some other time. maybe in a text post. but. long and short of it: even if you assume the answer to 'how do they know'#is that in sasasap isa got frozen once. theres still the fact that the loops are from sif being too distressed. how far gone does a siffrin #have to be before they can witness a party member die and notice it has no effect. how does loop feel to have planned to kill the party #during act 3. why did they NEED to show sif that. are they trying to preemtively stop them from getting the idea in their head #that maybe that might work? when they're out of all other options? when they just get so frustrated and at wits end?#loop helps in subtle ways through the whole game. and in less subtle ways like begging sif not to use the dagger. and while yes the #overarching reason you need to learn that the loops are tied to sif is because you need to figure out wish craft.... loop doesn't know the #actual mechanics of the loops themselves. just what didn't work. the power of friendship. getting the final hit in. being perfect. etc...#and besides all that.. how did loop feel during that hangout. being so deceitful. especially since before the other shoe drops #sif is enjoying themselves. but they know what's coming the whole time.#as for: why bathing? its the obvious imagery for blood on their hands/washing/never being clean. and is a bit of an inversion of the other #piece i just drew with the other casual closeness and nudity being kind. this one is cruel instead.#anyway tag ramble over ill do a masterpost of all my fanwork with some directors commentary sometime i promise. since i know im often vague

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stardustdiiving · 11 months ago

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Me explaining in terms of strictly how I read canon I think Nahida not severely punishing the Sages is just meant to convey that Nahida, even when wronged, is not a very vengeful or harsh person and makes the choice to be kind instead, but in my mind I have this idea of a Nahida interpretation which elaborates on that where her self punishing tendencies extend to her being someone who internally downplays her own experiences constantly, and as a result has a hard time feeling she’s allowed or justified in placing a lot of blame on the Sages for what they did to her So while she is following her own philosophies regarding teaching lessons/wisdom/etc in how to handle the Sages and genuinely doesn’t want to be really angry or punishing because of who she is as a person, her decision is also influenced by the fact she’s basically blocked herself out of grappling with how to handle people who hurt her by blaming herself for said hurt instead as a coping mechanism. And like this is all just me being insane about Nahida Trauma and not something explicitly implied in canon but also I really do think this isn’t a far stretch from her canon characterization especially when my vision isn’t to conclude that Nahida needs to be angry and vengeful but she should extend the kindness she shows others to herself and also every day I get tormented thinking about she was the mental equivalent of an average human child when the Sages found her and how they basically specifically discarded her for being a child and the idea of how Nahida would pick up on + internalize that and eventually need time to unlearn it

#nahida #genshin #fern.txt #fandomferns #fictional child abuse cw #anyways is anyone else here normal #see I think a sentiment most ppl get from nahdia’s character is correctly that she is kind despite being treated so poorly #but I want to explore her grappling with Why she does that bc she is genuinely kind #and I don’t think she’s struggling with moving on from things #but based off things she says word for word I feel it’s established nahida is very distressed by not being able to rationalize or #understand things that upset her #this is clear in both her SQs & her voicelines even down to her not liking seafood bc the unknown of the ocean #intimidates her. so I’d imagine she’s someone who responds to being mistreated by concluding #there must be a reason for it. and I actually have dialogue that backs me up here #bc when we first learn the sages have imprisoned nahida nahida herself basically says it’s fine bc her existence has #little meaning and she’s not good enough to be an archon. even as paimon is remarking how awful #the sages are for it and prompting nahida on if she’s upset w them #it’s not that Nahida isn’t insightful enough to acknowledge something as mistreatment #but rather she finds more comfort and a sense of control in having explanations for things #heck the reason she gives up her gnosis to Dottore is states in her char stories to be bc #she doesn’t want the lack of control that comes from a lack of information #nahida leaning on knowledge for a sense of control makes me esp sad when I think abt how #she does not have autonomy or agency for a majority of her life bc of her imprisonment n had fo rely on her #mind n ability to learn n gain knowledge #anyways to reiterate ks anyone else normal

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canisalbus · 10 months ago

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Hello! I hope I won't sour your mood with this ask but I have been thinking a lot about your gay dogs this month especially.

I'll just try to keep the context short but in general I'm someone that has accepted being romantically undesireable. It was hard but in the end I have built my life just around me, my humble family and at this point in time I don't even think I have the time for a partner. And considering that it's the love month and a lot of people are preparing to celebrate it with their SOs I assumed that, actually, this is a thing that I sort of have in common with Machete.

From the miscellaneous lore on your profile I see Machete as someone that also has kind of rejected love. That also has built his life around his job, possibly hobbies, his family or mentors (depending if we're talking about canon or modern au). Who kind of forgot that relationships are a thing and that people bond with others in that way. Well, at least he did until meeting Vasco.

I just love thinking about their awkward beginnings. Machete being 100% sure that Vasco is just joking, maybe even sometimes teasing him (in a friendly banter type way) or just explaining to himself that all that kindness and interest is just him being a very considerate friend. And then we have Vasco that just tries to be subtle, as if he was trying to pass a fawn without it noticing and running away, but also with time gains confidence and tries more risque moves. Vasco being all smug and Machete being flustered when their hands or shoulders or tails brush in passing. And then when both are sure of their feelings we have Machete who has to choose between God and his love. Who, at first, unwillingly accepts that divine wrath will be worth their brief love.

I just love your boys. I swear they are all the love supply one might possibly need

Thank you for such a long and thoughtful message! I don't know why you thought you might accidentally sour my mood, I'm utterly delighted whenever I hear that someone has been pondering my little guys (rotating them in their head, as they say), and when they go through the trouble of sharing their findings and conclusions I'm so happy I could crawl up a wall.

I think you deciphered Machete's inner workings very well, especially those of the original canon version. The concept of love is of course prominent in Christianity, so even as a kid being raised in a religious environment that discouraged overt displays of affection and close personal bonds, Machete wasn't completely alienated from it. But it has always been a nebulous, unperceivable and unattainable thing for him. When he was old enough to lock down his career choice he readily accepted he'd never have romantic relationships, spouse or a family, and I think he must've been too young and socially inexperienced to think of it as a significant loss. Either he consciously blocked out the need for companionship by studying and working like his life depended on it, or he didn't really consider that being genuinely befriended, appreciated and loved as a person instead of a respectable and competent authority figure was even an option for him, at least not until Vasco came along.

#I think it took some time to get through his initial defences #especially since when they first met the stressful apprenticeship period was still fresh in Machete's mind #the years under his explosive and gaslighting mentor's wing had made him very distrustful so he preferred to just stick to himself #Vasco is good at winning people over and once he convinced him that he didn't have any ulterior motives they became besties pretty quickly #and even though the line between platonic and romantic started gradually blurring Machete kept convincing himself #that his feelings for Vasco were just Very Deep Friendship #and Vasco has an eye for noticing these things and a bolder personality #so when he tried to reciprocate a little bit Machete thought 'what a good friend he is'#'so kind and considerate and I'm so grateful and lucky to have him and I must not ruin things by getting too personal'#it was awkward and at times a little bit painful but I'd like to believe the progression was for the most part smooth and natural #considering the circumstances it could've been a lot more distressing #as corny as it is I think they were just happy to have found each other #they advanced at the same phase and reached the 'I think we've become a couple actually' stage at the same time #at least that's how I imagine it at the moment #answered #anonymous #Vaschete lore #long post

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suokumi · 9 months ago

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FEAR MY BELOVED

a commission piece I've made for @sleepyjuniper

Moon a dorky dork who struggles to realize just how scary he is, this is fine he'll comfort you after he realizes just how scared you got

A special request to get him as canon as possible uwu

#little thingy #fnaf moon #moondrop #fnaf moodrop #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf daycare attendant #that was very entertaining #my first time actually making biblically accurate daycare attendant #was very interesting #and fear terror horror I'm kshdjfksk #I really love drawing distressed expressions #June was very kind to write a paragraph describing what she wanted and god it did hit hard ehehehe

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thedreadvampy · 5 months ago

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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

#red said #recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis #like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes #and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not #for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening #i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine #as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital #as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin #ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes #some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am #bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me #like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD #there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife #but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't #tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us #like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well #i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point #anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also #been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them #i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it #most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables #honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk #is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry

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iguessitsjustme · 5 months ago

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Me to Atom when he sat beside the trash can instead of getting in it

#my love mix up th #my love mix up thailand #this must be so confusing for people that didn't see the original #listen i love atom but i need the chaos energy of aoki back in my life #SPOILERS AHEAD IN THE TAGS FOR THE JAPANESE VERSION IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY WATCHED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK #he does not need to stay in the trash #but saying he might as well get in the trash has less of an impact than actually physically crawling into the trash #we need mudmee's anger to match hashimoto's but it won't have the proper justification if atom is just...sad by the trash #aoki threw himself in the trash then told her he was going to the mountains and she had no idea what was going on #she only knew that her friend was in such distress that he physically made himself trash #and mudmee knows atom is sad and she doesn't want him to be but it is not the same #oh how i was so hoping they would properly handle this one moment but alas #they were close but they took out too much of the chaos. too much is gone #it's still cute and wholesome and wonderful #but atom is now a disaster bi and that's kind of the best part of aoki's whole character #and part of why ida fell in love in the first place

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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werewolfsister · 1 month ago

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Distress Call (20)

Bundled up the baby boy!

#Jeeze this rito is kind of a jerk actually #comic #distress call #political affairs

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 2 months ago

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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction #Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me #I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population #and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both #I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways #but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons #I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues #And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness #which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult #so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child #Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child #I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them #But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be #But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations #And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible #because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things #Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen #And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association #So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much #Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much #Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore #they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel #(I hate writing less than drawing)

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good-beanswrites · 1 year ago

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hello beans!! hope you're doing well 💜 ^w^ I know you've probably gotten a lot of requests - but I'm gonna add to that pile anyway because it's fun and also your writing is wonderful and always cheers me up to read!! I'm so inspired by your drabbles and you really bring these characters and this little world to life ;w;

From drabble list #1:

14. "Please tell me, this is not why you woke me up."

Character(s): honestly anyone, but my gut was saying Es as soon as I saw that sentence so... up to you!

Woo thank you pal, same to you!! Thanks for your kind words ah ;--; This is the perfect line for Es omg, I've been cracking up over it for so long 😂 I was tempted to write them waking up for T2, taking one look around and going "uh-uh," but decided on some T1 comedy...

Es rarely dreamed. Usually it was vague images and thoughts. Sometimes it was just them thinking about breakfast the following morning. Occasionally they were plagued by a nightmare of being forced to sing karaoke with the prisoners. Most of the time, though, it was just silence that welcomed them at the end of the day. Wonderful, peaceful, silence.

BANG-BANG-BANG!

Someone slammed their fist on the door. Es just about fell out of bed.

Mikoto’s voice came from outside. “Oi, get up! There’s been… uh… an incident!”

That was the last thing a prison guard wanted to hear at -- Es checked the clock -- 2am. Damn.

They muttered to themself as they threw on their uniform. Why the prison’s cells didn’t lock was beyond them. Some of the prisoners were more troublesome than others, but the first trial had been going smoothly thus far. Why now?

Their mind flashed with various possibilities, each one worse than the last, all urging them forward. By the time they were running down the hallway, their shirt buttons were a row off, and they had to switch their shoes to the opposite foot. They adjusted the cap clumsily on their head.

Fear gripped their chest as they heard Jackalope’s voice crying out for help from the panopticon. Jackalope never called for help.

Es burst into the room. The prisoners froze, looking up guiltily.

They sat in a huddle on the floor. Yuno and Muu held the little furry warden over a tub of sudsy water. Bottles of soap and shampoo sat nearby. An assortment of brushes and combs sat to the side. Splashes of water spread across the prisoners and ground, speaking to several failed attempts at getting Jackalope into the bath.

Nearby, Mahiru was holding up the tiny guard’s uniform, her sewing kit spread out on her lap. Es spotted bandages on Yuno’s and Kazui’s fingers. Shidou was currently dabbing blood off Fuuta’s nose as he fumed. Jackalope leaned over to nip at the hands holding him, but Yuno and Muu held him fast.

“Es!” came his frantic voice as he thrashed around. “You gotta help me! Make them stop, dammit!”

From the group of prisoners who had been watching from a distance, Haruka turned to them. “Oh! Es! Th-they thought that he needed a -- uh, a bath! His uniform had a h-hole, and Mahiru can s-sew! And they thought, they thought we could do it all t-together… Muu called it a -- a spa night…”

“At two in the morning?” Was all that came to mind.

“We tried to get him to do it earlier today,” Muu said, “but we didn’t get a chance until now.”

“They didn’t get a chance to kidnap me, she means!” He squirmed around some more, swinging his antlers wildly. “They hid around the corner and nabbed me like the filthy criminals they are!!”

Yuno said, “hold still,” as she brought him closer to the water. He kicked his feet wildly, screaming at Es to show a little authority and do something.

“Hold on a second,” they stopped her.

They closed their eyes, pinching the bridge of their nose. They took a measured breath. They were here to contemplate sin and crime, guilt and forgiveness. Their job should have consisted of questions about morality and life and death; they never anticipated looking around their prison and asking, “is human shampoo even safe for his fur?”

Kotoko spoke up from the other side of the room. “That’s what I thought, but is he really a rabbit? He eats human food and everything, we didn’t think a bit of soap was that different.”

Jackalope disagreed (“that stuff is as bad as poison -- poison I tell you!”) but the others chimed in with their agreement. From around the room came promises that they were being gentle with him, and that they’d keep quiet, and that they’d dry and brush his fur really well when they’d finished, and that they’d feed him treats, and that his uniform was already good as new, and so on. A few complaints at getting bit mingled with Jackalope’s own insults.

“-- Alright.” Es held up a hand to silence them all. They knew a warden shouldn’t be making compromises with their prisoners. At the same time, they didn’t have the energy to argue about bunny baths at this time of night. “You can continue, but wash him outside of the tub. And go easy on the shampoo. Any mess you make must be cleaned by morning.”

They were met with excitement and thanks. Jackalope grumbled that they were too soft, but he sounded relieved as he was whisked away from the dreaded bathwater.

Es sighed. There may have been a few bites and bumps, but that was all. No emergency, no fight, no danger plagued Milgram tonight. Their relief quickly turned to annoyance. They leveled their gaze at Mikoto as he entered from the hallway behind.

“Please tell me this isn’t why you woke me up.”

“Huh? Oh, this? No, no -- we have everything under control. Aw, Mappi, that looks great!”

He pointed at her sewing job, revealing bandages on his hands as well. It looked like no one was safe from the rabbit’s little teeth… Then Mikoto jabbed a thumb casually over his shoulder. “Nah, the faucet in the men’s room broke when we tried filling the basin. The whole room’s flooded now. I think it’s gonna start spilling into the hallway soon.”

“WHAT?”

#milgram #es #jackalope #mikoto kayano #and some others #rip es... they are eternally dealing with So Much Bullshit.... 😂😂😂#half the fun was actually writing it and the half of it was sitting around brainstorming all the options of trouble the prisoners could #be getting into at odd hours of the night LMAO #i cycled through so many dares/challenges (the fucked up high school variety) - competitions - show offs - crazy games #and thats Before i considered the genuine trouble they could get into #the line was so versatile asdfsdfsd #anyway uhh dont try this at home and all that -- apparently bathing bunnies IS bad for their fur and very distressing 💀#but im sure our little cryptid prison warden can handle it...#amane and haruka arent involved directly but they are chilling okay #its getting more and more difficult to write milgram humor as they reveal more and more character trauma but im trying!! 😭#thank you so much for the request! these have been such a blast -- i really appreciate it! you are so kind :')#i hope youre doing well and taking good care of yourself pal!!👍✨#i hope you enjoy :D #drabbles

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shredsandpatches · 7 months ago

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Fell down an old reviews rabbit hole on my lunch hour and once again am pondering the tendency reviewers have to discuss the Gounod Faust as though Marguerite is being punished by the narrative instead of just the world around her. Like, okay, it's not as clear about that as the source material (and Gounod was a conflicted but observant Catholic, whereas Goethe was not a believer), but. I feel like you see this the most from reviewers who really like the baritone singing Valentin, who is the main voice of traditional morality in both the opera and its source material--but while the operatic version of him isn't as nasty as Goethe's, you know a character is in the wrong when an opera chorus tells him to maybe ease up on the slut-shaming. Slut-shaming is like half of what opera choruses do!