#it’s worth pointing out that this is why my friends won’t watch period dramas with me

[the-girl-from-another-time]

A Slightly Less Brief Analysis of Women’s Fashion in POTC

So, I recently made a post about how Pirates of the Caribbean clothed its female pirates (spoiler alert: the originals did it better). Now, let’s give some love to the gowns! Fair warning: Ranting over back-lacing will occur.

For those of you who don’t know, most 18th century gowns (with the notable exception of court gowns) did not lace up the back, as is so often presented in movies. They always fastened in the front. There are two major styles: The robe à l’anglaise (left), which fastened straight up the front, and the robe à la française (middle and right), where the two sides of the open front were pinned to a stomacher.

To begin with—Elizabeth’s classic gold dress! From the front, this one looks like they’re going for a robe à la française, but in the back it looks like a robe à l’anglaise. But still, no back-lacing, and the pleating is lovely! It clearly pins to the stomacher in the front! This is a really beautiful gown, and one of my favorites in the franchise.

In this very blurry screenshot, you can see that when Jack removes this dress to save Elizabeth from drowning, he rips it open from the front. This is proper costuming, people!

The plum dress is a bit of an anomaly. First of all, no back-lacing, so yay! The thing is, though, this dress is really more 17th century. The neckline and voluminous sleeves are almost more 1660s, but dresses in that era actually DID lace up in the back. This one is a mashup of late 17th and 18th century fashions, but it looks like something that could’ve been sitting in a trunk for decades, and I don’t hate it. Moving on.

The dress Elizabeth wears at the end of TCotBP is most definitely a robe à l’anglaise. Granted, those buttons are 100% just for show, and I cannot for the life of me figure out how they got her into this, because it does NOT have back-lacing (as shown by these blurry screenshots). But it generally looks pretty good, and it’s very period. It reminds me a lot of the robe à l’anglaise for reference at the top of this post.

Elizabeth’s wedding dress also doesn’t have back-lacing. As shown in the right-hand picture, the open jacket clearly pins to the stomacher. This type of jacket is called a caraco or casaquin, and it was worn throughout the 18th century.

Above are a set of historical examples of caracos/casaquins.

What’s incredibly important to note about the gowns (at least on principle characters) in the original trilogy is that they aren’t 100% accurate. There are definitely mashups of eras and little anachronisms and Hollywoodisms. However, there are a lot of things about 18th century that Hollywood almost always does incorrectly, and back-lacing is one of the biggest ones. Even films renowned for gorgeously accurate costumes (The Duchess, Marie Antoinette) sometimes suffer from back-lacing and other issues. Therefore, the fact that a Disney movie that’s half fantasy can get these things right is a big deal. Like, a really big deal. They didn’t have to put so much effort into this—but they did. For what it is, this is actually quite impressive costuming, and I am forever grateful.

AND THEN. And then DMTNT came out. I largely have one thing to say about the costuming in this movie, and it is this: I hate it. Passionately. Granted, it’s pretty average for a neo-historical adventure movie, but it’s incredibly disappointing considering how much detail the original trilogy clearly paid to the look of the period!

The first time I saw this scene, I thought, “Oh yay! It opens from the front like it’s supposed to!” But, dear readers, I was wrong. I was very wrong.

Upon a later rewatch, I noticed that, actually, Carina’s dress DOES have back-lacing. And it opens from the front. Is anyone else’s mind exploding right now? Why—WHY—would a garment open from the front AND THE BACK? Especially considering that in this period, sewing openings in clothing was time-consuming. People could afford neither the time nor the money to do unnecessary, impractical things when making their clothing. Honestly, this isn’t just a historical accuracy issue—it’s a common sense issue. Clearly she can completely remove it by unfastening it from the front...so why on earth does it need to lace up the back? That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works! (An exception to this is men’s waistcoats, which buttoned up the front but also had partial lacing up the back to control the fit. But, trust me, that is very much not the same thing.) This is just lazy.

So, yet again, through far too much nerdy analysis, we can see that the original trilogy actually had quite good women’s gowns for the general period, while DMTNT is just ... far, far inferior in quality, detail, and accuracy. Such a downgrade.

[funkymbtifiction]

6 vs 9

Thank you for answering my question on Ni and worrying!

I have debated on 6 vs. 9 before, but I’m pretty sure I’m a 9.

Not sure if you want an answer or not, but why not? I’ve got time. ;)

I do see 6 aspects in myself:

Lots of self-doubt and over-thinking. I take commissions as an artist and usually I’m excited to hear about a new commission but then get worried and think I won’t be able to do it / won’t do a good enough job. <- if you are a 9, this could just be your line to 6 and general anxiousness about doing a good job per your (I assume) 1 wing.

Being indecisive when anxious and wanting someone to tell me what to do/solve my problem. <- Hmm, I haven’t talked to my 9 core friends about this a lot, but I do notice some of them consult me in a “this is happening!!!” way and I give them suggestions on what to do, so… I’d say 9s will consult people they trust if they don’t know what to do. Also, did you decide on INFP? If so, indecisiveness is Ne.

I tend to plan for the worst/expect the worst (but hope for the best). <- Pessimism is a human condition. xD

I don’t project, though - I do worry that people may not like me, but I don’t test them to find out if that is the case and I always blame myself for it (i.e if they don’t like me it must be because I’m boring or weird or not emotionally reactive enough). <- I used to do this way more when I was young. I’d send an e-mail, get anxious if I didn’t get a normal prompt response, comb back over what I said searching for anything that might have upset them, and feel anxious for no reason assuming someone is mad at me. I would send out little feelers to see what was going on – quick texts or notes in a friendly tone to see if that generated a response. Now I just assume, when that anxiousness kicks in, that as adults, we’re all busy. But self-blaming is a condition of Fi, and not related to Enneagram type, IMO.

Also, I don’t provoke people to examine reactions. In fact I hate conflict (the classic “raised voices = yelling” 9 issue is true for me; in 95% of arguments I’m the peacemaker trying to find middle ground between other people). <- with me, it depends. I have zero problems with conflict at home or arguing with my parents / family members, but the less I know you and the less I trust you, the more I don’t want to fight with you. It’s true, though, that I have that bratty 6w7 energy that sometimes provokes to get a rise out of my loved ones, which my mother (a 1w9) absolutely hates. It’s hard to shut off, but I try for her sake. Course my father is quarrelsome too, so we’re like a tempest in a teapot sometimes.

I also don’t see many positive 6 aspects in myself:

The ability/desire to build connections and make a security system. <- Interesting. My security is my bank account and having a few people I can count on. It’s not stalking up my pantry, for sure. *cough * weak Si, like what kinds of foods even go together? *cough* Though I work very hard in my family business so we can all thrive, which is a security of its own.

Being loyal to friends and checking in with them to make sure we’re “okay” (I never do this barring an actual argument or something - mostly I ghost people; loyalty is not my strong suit!) <- This is very true of me. If anyone picks on any of my friends, I will get offended and fiercely defend them (even if I have criticisms of them myself). And I do like to stay connected as an extrovert. But following up what I said above, I don’t try to build super close connections as much as I did when I was younger. I’ve realized people have their own lives, and you’re lucky to get their attention at all. But I don’t ghost people. I used to stay in very immediate contact with them.

I feel very little need to connect with other people. My friends are basically my family and in-laws -  about 10 people who I truly trust and would do anything for. I don’t really want more people-related responsibilities. <- lucky little sp-dom introvert. ;) Though I can somewhat relate. More people means more energy going out, and I spend so much of it on my books and hobbies, I don’t have a lot left over. I was laughing with a fellow sp-dom INFP just yesterday about how we are both like “OMG, I have SOCIAL events in October, 5 of them!! I’m going to be so busy!!! Will it be too much???” Chill, girl. They’re interspersed over weeks. Stop over-thinking “invasions of my time!”

Meanwhile, I have many positive and negative 9 attributes:

The core problem of 9, apathy, is a BIG problem for me. Many problems in my life have been caused by not acting, by waiting too long in hopes that the problem will go away, by riding along on easy work (even if it is work I love and is worth doing) and not doing the hard work that would lead to the achievements I really want to make (writing a novel, etc.). I’m not a lazy/apathetic person in general - I can (and do) work extremely hard (I run my own art business and working 12+ hours a day is typical for me). But it’s a mental apathy issue, the quailing at mentally facing hard tasks and ending up doing small easy things that soothe me. <- aww, tho I relate to procrastinating. Being around 9s, it kind of amuses me to watch you self-soothe. Like, shouldn’t you be studying for your math final and not reorganizing the bathroom cabinets? And it seems like 9s can drag their feet even when it’s important until they decide to do it, then nothing stands in their way.

Other 9 aspects/problems I can see in myself:

Being vague - not knowing what I really want and getting frustrated by not having a clear vision of what to do. <- yeah, that’s 9ish.

Suppressing anger and other “negative” emotions because of seeking inner peace/blankness. And if I do express anger (usually in a burst under stress) I feel guilty about it. <- 1 wing, yeah.

Setting up walls between other people and myself because I can’t deal with their emotions. I don’t struggle with the intense kind of “merging” described by many 9s, but I think that might be because I’m Fi-dom and probably sp-dom. But it is still exhausting to handle the emotions, opinions, etc. of many people for long periods of time. <- I need to ask my 9w8 INFP more about this specifically, but I don’t know that she fully merges so much as prematurely (sp-dom) throws up a barrier and says Nope to things, in hopes of avoiding other people creeping into her feelings. And yeah, she finds being around especially temperamental or high energy people difficult, since it’s such a bombardment of drama + her own intense reactions.

Tolerating behavior I don’t like for too long because “they might have good intentions.” Thinking positively of people because believing the worst of them feels mean. <- same for me, Ne + compliant type issues.

I have very strong opinions but I don’t like to argue with other people. I tend to believe that if the truth exists, other people will be drawn to it without my twisting their arm and making them see it. <- that’s nice of you and very healthy Fi-dom. I … will absolutely argue up to a point, then decide it’s not worth my time and pointless.

My motto (good and bad) is often “Let’s wait and see if things improve.” <- haha.

Also, although I do struggle with 6ish self-doubt, when it comes down to it I trust my gut and believe that I know what is best for myself. People can give me advice and I’ll nod and thank them but inside I’m thinking “You don’t know me!” In general I am (or at least appear and strive to be) a cheerful, emotionally stable, positive person. So… I still think 9 gets more points. But honestly, this is one of those things that makes me believe in tritypes because I relate a lot to both of them! Thank you for reading all of this!

Go with your gut. Be a happy little 9. :)

ETA: Regarding relating to them both -- of course you do, 6 is your stress line, so it will show up regularly. ;)

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, MORE BLOOD Vol.13 Kino [Track 1]

Original title: ひとさじの悪戯

Source: Diabolik Lovers More, More Blood Vol. 13 Kino [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here (00:00 ~ 15:27)

Seiyuu: Tomoaki Maeno

Translator’s note: I remember when I started translating More, More Blood, it was the first set of drama CDs released after I joined the franchise, so it was a pretty important project to me. I would have liked to finish translations for all 13 CDs before Daylight dropped, but I didn’t quite succeed at doing that. It’s just Kino’s and then Kanato’s left though! Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get my hands on the audio for the latter. > < Kino is still somewhat of a mystery to me, but I do think the plot of these CDs fit him the best out of all of the boys since he’s such a trickster at heart. I’m sure he’ll have a blast tormenting the MC with the time-manipulating powers of the hourglass.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 1: A Spoonful of Mischief

The scene starts at school.

“Aaah, shut up, shut up. School really is such a noisy place, isn’t it? All of those pesky humans are completely absorbed in their conversations”

Kino turns his head towards you.

“Before I started attending this academy, were you like that as well? Chatting with your friends and laughing out loud like absolute fools.”

You explain.

“Hmー I see. You wouldn’t have guessed that by your current behavior. Both in the classroom and in the hallway, you’re always glued to my side. Do you actually have friends?”

You tell him you have friends over at your own classroom.

“Ah! Right! This isn’t the sophomore’s classroom you belong in, but my classroom. I guess it makes sense you wouldn’t have any upperclassman friends you can just have a casual chat with.”

You puff out your cheeks, blaming him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I forced you to come here. ...But I had no other choice, did I? Class or whatever, it’s all just boring crap when you’re not around. I got tired of living in the Demon World and became a high school student, so now I have to make the best of it and enjoy it to the fullest! Which means you need to be there sitting next to me.”

*Rustle*

“Besides, it isn’t all bad, is it? You’re super lucky to be able to take the senior’s classes! If anything, you should express your gratitude towards me.”

You seem worried about getting into trouble with the school. 

“Ah, you’re worried about that? It’s fine. Nobody will complain. I’m the infamous mysterious transfer student after all. Leaving the students aside for now, even the teachers seem to be having a hard time calling me out. I’ll use this opportunity to do as I please.”

You slowly nod.

“Exactly. So you should enjoy your school life as well.”

You ask if he is having fun. 

“Me? Hmm~? Let’s see...All of the extra attention I get as a scholarship student is a little annoying, but I’ve never gotten to attend school before, so I guess you could say I’m enjoying it in my own way. I suppose it was worth coming here as a transfer student. ...Besides, I kind of like this uniform as well. It just screams that I’m special! Pretty nice, huh? I didn’t like looking the same as everyone else, so I added my own little spin to it. What do you think? Does it look good?”

You tell him it looks good.

“...I see. Well, that’s a given.”

*Ding・dongー Ding・dongー*

“...Oh. Next period is starting. Better start getting everything ready.”

You giggle.

“Haah...? Hey, why did you laugh just now?”

You note that he is becoming more and more student-like.

“What? You’re making fun of me, aren’t you? Anyone would get the hang of the student life after going through a few classes.”

The teacher enters the classroom.

“...Say, don’t you think you’ve become a little cheeky as of late? You haven’t been holding back ever since we became lovers.”

You seem skeptical, raising a brow.

“No, you have. I might have been spoiling you a little too much as of late, so perhaps it’s time I give you a severe punishment. ...Fufufu~ Now how should I punish you? I’ll give it some thought! ...Ah, right! That made me remember...!”

You tilt your head to the side.

“You know, the thing you asked earlier. Whether school life is fun or not. There’s a perfect proof that I’m enjoying every day to the fullest.”

You frown.

“Right now it’s still a secret. More importantly, don’t you think you should focus on the class? ...See? The teacher has started writing stuff down on the blackboard.”

You turn around and open your textbook.

*Flip*

“He seems to be writing down a bunch of dull nonsense again. Class really is boring. Especially this history one. I guess this is the one subject I just can’t enjoy regardless. I have zero interest in what humans accomplished in the past after all. On these occasions...Guess it’s already my time to shine.”

He taps your shoulder.

“...Hey, hey!”

You turn your head.

“This class is boring, so you should play with me.”

You tell him you can’t right now.

“But I’m bored! ...So let me suck your blood. Show me how you desperately endure it while suppressing your voice. Like you did during yesterday’s lecture. I’d love to see that expression again.”

You turn around again.

*Scribble scribble*

“...Ah. The cold shoulder, huh? Hey! Just forget about the blackboard and turn my way.”

*Scribble scribble*

“Hmm~ You’re still ignoring me...In that case, I’ll just do as I please. Right! Perhaps I should just make your voice slip and catch everyone’s attention? That might be fun~”

You flinch.

“Fufu~ You looked my way. Honestly, that idea might be way more fun. I’m sure you’d become the talk of the school for doing such a thing during class. I don’t mind either way...Which do you prefer? I’ll let you choose today.”

You protest.

“...Haah!? Hey! Stop fighting back! Are you trying to ruin my daily fun?”

You perk up your head.

“Ah! You finally what realized what i meant earlier? Yes, exactly! This is the ultimate proof that I’ve been enjoying every day to the fullest. I’m sure you understand how I feel, no? There is nothing more fun than sucking your blood during class. Seeing you frantically try to hide it, or your panicked expression whenever our cover is nearly blown...It’s a blessing to the eyes. Your desperate attempts at listening to the teacher while having your blood sucked aren’t a bad watch either. It’s hilarious to see you try and keep your act together while you’re enduring it. This is something I wouldn’t be able to do if I wasn’t attending school.”

*Rustle*

“...So, you understand now, don’t you? I’m out here enjoying my school life, so don’t ruin that, okay? Got it?”

You frown.

“Don’t hesitate. Come on, this way...I’ll be so nice to suck from your arm today so it won’t stand out.”

*Thud*

“Hurry up. Give me your arm already.”

*Rustle*

“I love it when you’re obedient.”

*Rustle*

“Your veins are shining through, I can see them well. Your sweet blood is flowing underneath here, isn’t it? Looks delicious...”

*Smooch*

“Fufufu...I’ve gotten thirsty. If you don’t want the others to find out, then you better hold back with all you’ve got?”

Kino bites you.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“...Haah~ Delicious. ...Ah, you’re actually enduring it~ ...Say, your face is quite the sight right now. Your cheeks are flushed bright red. I can clearly tell you’ve worked up a sweat too. Your sweat smells sweet as well. Hey, you’re only making me less likely to be able to stop, you know? Guess that’s fine. I don’t need to hold myself back after all. ...I’m sure you’re aware, but you can easily endure this much. That would be dull, don’t you think? I guess I have no other choice...but to force some screams out of you!”

He bites you again, stronger this time.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“...Ah. Fufufu~ You finally let a shriek slip, didn’t you? ...Take a look around. Because of you, all the students in class have got their eyes on us.”

You look around.

“Ah-aaah~ I’m sure you won’t have it easy from tomorrow onwards. Everyone will talk about how you were doing suspicious things in class~ What will you do?”

You panic.

“...Say? You want me to do something about it?”

You ask if he can do that.

“Guess so. I might be able to fix this situation. I got my hands on a nifty little item yesterday.”

*Cling*

“This. Take a look.”

You raise a brow and ask if it is an hourglass.

“Correct. However, it isn’t just your average hourglass. When this red sand is flipped around and flows downwards, time turns back.”

You seem surprised.

“I guess just an explanation doesn’t do the trick, huh? Let’s put it to the test. ...Here I go!”

Kino turns the hourglass upside down.

*Tick tock - Tick tock - Tick tock - Tick tock*

ーーー

*Ding・dongー Ding・dongー*

“...Oh. Next period is starting. Better start getting everything ready. ーー Sike! Fufufu~ See? I turned back time to when class was starting.”

The teacher enters the room again, leaving you baffled.

“I’m not lying. ...I hate lies after all. Take a look at the blackboard. It’s still completely blank. ...See? The teacher’s going to start writing on it now.”

*Scribble scribble*

“The bell rang as well and above all...Nobody is paying attention to us. That proves time has been turned back and the same events are repeating itself.”

You seem confused.

“How, you ask? ...Fine, I’ll teach you. It’s strange how I got my hands on this, no?”

*Thud*

“I obtained this hourglass by pure coincidence during my last short trip to the Demon World. There’s magical energy stored inside, so it can rewind time a couple of hours. On top of that, the user has has full control over the memories of those affected. There’s several ways to enjoy it, don’t you think?”

You tell Kino you can’t comprehend. 

“Hm? You don’t understand? This time, I kept only our memories intact when I rewinded time. To further proof my point, you recall what happened earlier, don’t you? However! The other students don’t. ...Want to confirm it? Try and tell me what we were doing earlier.”

You get flustered.

“Don’t be so embarrassed. Come on, hurry.”

You admit to having your blood sucked. 

“Exactly. So, who was sucking blood from your arm?”

You reply.

“Mmh, mmh~ Right. It was me. And? How did I feed off you? And what kind of sounds did you make? I need to confirm these things, so be honest, okay?”

You hesitantly answer.

“Fufu~ Yes, good job. I’m proud of you for being able to tell me so accurately. Well, there you have it. No matter how much you embarrass yourself in public, as long as we have this hourglass to our disposal, we can manipulate time and people’s memories freely. In game terms, we can load up our preferred save file. What do you think? Bet you’re surprised?”

You nod. 

“Makes sense! ...I doubt these kind of things exist in the human world. ...I got my hand on such an interesting gadget so using this bad boy...I’ll make sure to play with you plenty today”

Your eyes widen in surprise.

“You’re blown off your feet! ...Well then, now how to use this~?”

*Cling*

“I guess I found yet another way to enjoy my school life? Fufufu...~!”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[ectonurites]

can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998. 

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him. 

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin. 

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...) 

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time. 

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right. 

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

[timextoxhajima]

Member: PWARK SEONGHWAbs

Category: playlist feels one shot

Genre: fluff and smut (idk how this is gonna turn out lol i just couldn’t get the visual of boss/ceo? seonghwa out my head and you’re his secretary and i just--)

Word Count: 5.7k

A/N: if you haven’t noticed by now, most of my one shots/work don’t really have cliche plots? there are certain tropes/cliches that i don’t really like or i’m just not tuned into being comfortable writing them like eg. boss and employee is pretty nasty, that’s why the chaebol juyeon series turned out like that (i’m not gonna spoil it but if you know, you know that y/n wasn’t just an employee.) so in here, i guess it’s not going to be an exception? i don’t know when the day will come that i will write one that is EXTREMELY cliche and be able to be satisfied/happy with it. 

this is the first smut i’m writing for seonghwa; i’ve only been writing it for san and a tiny bit for mingi and the rest’s literally for juyeon ;_; so i hope i don’t butcher it. 

see you on the other side :D

“니 맘 전부 알고 있어”

“I know your heart”

“oh god--” you shove the food on your spoon into your mouth, nearly throwing it on the table just as the music starts ringing in the room, and he was already resting his chopsticks on the bowl. “please don’t--”

“seonghw-- ugh.”

too late.

“forget it, do whatever you want at your own dinner table. i can’t believe you invited me over just so i have to watch you have your own concert,” the food calls you again, and seonghwa acts like he’s in a drama or a music video. 

“have you finished compiling the contracts from the previous year and making sure everything tallied?” he raises a candid brow at you, his hands reaching out to you as the lyrics ran its course. a frown draws into your forehead, and you swat his hand away, reaching for a piece of fried egg instead of watching him act his heart out. 

“i’m still working on it, but i’ll have it in by the end of tomorrow,” the egg finds its way between your teeth and you push some rice in along with it, fingers finding your phone when it lit up.

“wooyoung’s asking if we’re going to hang out anytime soon.”

you look up through your damp hair and glare at seonghwa, hands still flailing around and his torso following along with the movements. 

it really was a wonder you’ve been friends with him since you were teenagers, and somewhere, somehow, some deity really thought making you the secretary of one of your best friends was a good idea.

initially, you were relieved that your boss was someone you knew as well as you did the back of your hand, but within the first six months of being seonghwa’s secretary, you literally couldn’t help yourself from hurling a file at him once in awhile. 

it wasn’t difficult to catch you screaming at him in the office because he passed out from overworking himself, telling him to go home. not because he was taking a nap, but because you found him sprawled across his desk after working through the night.

that was the day everybody in office found out you were friends from the same circle. 

so whenever anybody had the slightest issue or complaint about their boss, they’d come to you in hopes that you would smack -- or yell -- some sense into him. 

seonghwa had his shitty days and it didn’t stop him from being a terrible boss; you could empathise. but otherwise, he’d be strutting around office and annoying the hell out of both you and your colleagues by giving them sweets, to the extent that someone would wonder just how he was the one everybody needed to address as ‘boss’.

“wooyoung? but hongjoong’s overseas and mingi practically vanished off the face of earth. if he wants to have a meal together, he needs to hunt mingi down first,” the fishcake in the soup suddenly contained enough power to make seonghwa stop rolling his chest and send it into his mouth. 

“i’ll tell him no then,” the message sends and you put the phone back down onto the table. “anyway, the security told me when i left the office that the camera in your office is down and they’ll have someone sent over to fix it over the weekend, so they just told me to relay the message to you.”

“why wouldn’t they just email me?”

your tongue digs into the gap between your gum and your upper lip sa you reach for the glass of coke. “i’m pretty sure they’ve given up emailing you, especially since you don’t use that email address often.”

“hey, i have one for office operations and one for business, is that so wrong?” his defensive tone causes his voice to crack and go off tune, striking a funny bone in you despite already hearing it a billion times over. 

“i didn’t say there’s anything wrong, it’s just annoying when you give someone your email but you don’t even check your inbox,” you finish your last spoonful of rice and chicken, downing the soup to wash down the food. “but anyway, point is, don’t do anything dumb in your office.”

he scoffs, finally returning dedicated focus to his food. the food that he bothered to prepare for you before even telling you he was cooking dinner. it made you obligated to show up, else you’d get an earful from him for being ungrateful. 

“name me one dumb thing i could do in my office,” his cat eyes widen and the whites around his pupils glare at you under the lighting. 

“how would i know?” sucking the grains of rice from the hidden spots in your mouth, letting the water droplets on the side of the coke glass run over your nails and drip off the base. “like have a heart attack and pass out tomorrow, if you choose to stay over time?”

seonghwa stretches his legs under the table, and his sock-covered feet jab you in your ankles. a sharp ‘tsk’ slides out from gritted teeth, and he laughs at your reaction. 

“it’s not peak period for companies to be contacting me now, so that probably won’t happen.”

“well, don’t leave your office door unlocked or something, someone could waltz right in and find your shit and that’ll just might be the end of you.”

“honestly, i thought it  would’ve been funnier if you encouraged me to do more dumb things in the office, since there wouldn’t be any footage of it.”

wincing in disgust, your hands wipe the water off the surface of the coke glass and you flick it at him. a loud snicker blocks out the music for a moment when he ducks and uses his arm as a shield. 

“god forsake i recorded that and told the office you said that,” the coke glass empties itself down your throat, and you help yourself out of the seat to help him clear the dishes. 

“it’s a good thing you’re worth trusting then,” you hear him say loud enough for you to hear while you rest the plates in the sink. 

a chair drags across the floor and the soft clinking of the porcelain plates from the dining table mixes with the water gushing out of the tap. 

if you had to describe your friendship with seonghwa, it’d be an open book. 

one of the best things about being friends with him was that he was always mature enough to look past little arguments or conflicts that shouldn’t have an impact on your friendship.

sometimes he was whiny and pouty and it nauseated you, but he was always one to have your back whenever you needed it. his shoulder was always there for you to cry on, not the mention the hugs he gave. 

so why ‘open book’? 

“i’m only worth trusting because you kept my secret and prevented anybody else from blowing shit out of proportion.”

a gentle chuckle rings by your ear, and seonghwa refuses to fill the sink with more dishes while you were still standing there. there wasn’t a time when he’s hosted a dinner and let his guests do the dishes for him. 

the water runs the dishwasher soap off your skin and you step away for him to take over. 

“it didn’t blow out of proportion only because i didn’t tell anybody else,” he turns and flashes his smile at you, and it reminds you of the first time you fell for it. 

you guessed it. 

park seonghwa was the love of your life at some point of time, and he knew. 

in fact, nobody else knew besides the two of you. 

you had made it so painfully obvious that if anybody was observant enough, they’d be able to pick it up. luckily for you, hongjoong was too busy making sure mingi wasn’t sticking a pen down his throat just to prove a point, and seonghwa was the only one who noticed you staring at him. 

so ‘open book’ in some sense... for the both of you. not so much anybody else outside your exclusive friendship.

the fear in your chest and entire body was so overstimulating in that moment he caught you staring at him, with eyes you assumed he would’ve found creepy, that you could’ve cried in that instant. 

it wasn’t likely that he’d stop being friends with you just because you had feelings for him, but it was likely that he’d start distancing himself from you just so he wouldn’t hurt you. 

~~~~~~~~~  FLASHBACK ~~~~~~~~~~~

“don’t fuckin’ let him swallow the pen!” he yells at hongjoong, who was struggling to use his relatively shorter limbs to hold mingi’s long limbs down. your stressed vision was darting back and forth between the little wrestling match and confusion and fear start to swallow you like waves on a stormy day when seonghwa gets out of his seat and walks towards you. 

“come on,” he shows you a hand. everybody was seated in his living room, pizza boxes empty and coke bottles neatly thrown into a trashbag in the corner with the flashes of light from the television brightening the room every few seconds. “let’s go out and grab some fresh air while these two idiots settle themselves.”

seonghwa literally pulls you to your feet, and he must’ve guessed how much shit you thought you were in, for you to require someone else to tear you away from the ground. 

the sliding doors rustle open, and the cool autumn air outside greets you as if to mock you. the street lamps outside his house prevent you from seeing any stars, but you remember why you were out here in the first place.

your fingers find each other, your nails automatically starting to pick and peel at the skin on the other hand as seonghwa pulls the doors shut, muffling the whining and the screeching mingi was polluting his surroundings with. 

your forearms were rested on the surface of the wooden barriers, and your eyes looked dead straight in attempt to avoid his. the wooden barrier creaks, and you catch a glimpse of his hands gripping the rough surface, his torso leaning over it at an angle so he could meet your eyes without needing to shift you.

the thumping and racing in your chest was so rapid and aggressive, you wish you were dead instead. your lips parted, already prepared to say sorry and get the hell out of his life before he breaks your heart first.

“seonghwa, i--”

“no, it’s okay,” his voice was gentle in the almost-quiet atmosphere. “i was already suspecting it, and you only confirmed it.”

the blood rushes from your feet into your face, and your knuckles whiten from the amount of effort you channeled into holding the wooden barriers to support yourself. the last thing you wanted to do was to pass out infront of him. 

“i know you don’t feel the same, but i don’t want this to ruin our friendship,” mustering enough courage, you turn to him and lock pleading eyes with his. 

“well, neither do i. i wish i could ignore it, and if you were just any other girl, i wouldn’t have bothered having this conversation with you,” he turns and leans his lower back against the wooden boards. “but it’s you and you’re one of the few things i can’t risk losing.” 

silence. 

“this friendship is more important than whether or not you reciprocate. so even if you did, i’d be terrified to even start one with you... in fear that we’d break up and everything prior wouldn’t mean anything,” the words roll of your tongue with such fluidity, it surprised you even more than it did for seonghwa. 

“if that’s the case, then i’m relieved,” he pushes himself off the wooden planks and digs his fingers into the top of your head, ruffling your hair. “i don’t want our friendship to finish so pathetically either, so i take it that you want this conversation to be just between us?”

the nerves in your body tell you to nod, and you carry it out before the thoughts even get processed.

a weak smile curls his lips upwards, and he removes his hand from your head. “okay. you have my word.”

~~~~~~~~ NOW ~~~~~~~~~

so just like that. 

you and seonghwa made a silent deal never to tell anybody, and you made an effort to shove your feelings for him so far down your heart, you think you might’ve shat it out into a random toilet bowl in the last six years or so. 

“anyway,” you recall how you even got to this part of the conversation. “so don’t do anything remotely dumb in the office. if anybody encourages you to do it, i’ll murder them myself.”

his teeth glimmer in the light and the water starts running its way through the bubbles and foam on his hand and the plates in the sink. 

you stay long enough to remind seonghwa not to do anything stupid in his office the next day and to lock the door whenever he wasn’t in, at least five times over. seonghwa forces you to eat some strange concoction of ginseng and peach juice before you had to run out the door and straight home. 

the next day at work passed strangely quicker, and much quieter than you thought. 

seonghwa didn’t spend much time outside you office, and your colleagues handling external liaisons were busy too. it wasn’t difficult to figure out that despite seonghwa saying that companies wouldn’t be approaching him for new partnerships, one big one must’ve come by to keep him in his little box in the corner of the floor. 

but more often than not, being seonghwa’s secretary made you feel obligated to stay until he actually chased you home. and even if he did, you’d try to peel him away from his workspace too, well aware that he’d probably spend the night in his office if you didn’t.

today wasn’t an exception. 

the last external liaison officer left the office and waved goodbye to you, leaving you at your desk in the cubicle nearest to seonghwa’s office. 

you gather the contract summaries and place them into a clear file, throwing your phone into your suitcase and pulling your blazer over your shoulders. after you hand him the contract administration file, you’re going to make sure he went home today, even if it meant shoving him off his seat. 

you stretch out your arms to straighten the sleeves of the blazer, one hand clutching onto your suitcase and the other holding the file. turning off the light at your desk left seonghwa’s office light as the last remaining source of illumination of the area. 

“seonghwa,” you call out, trapping the file between your elbow and your rib as you knocked on the door.

“door’s open,” his voice sounded so tired and strained, you wish you could scold him for being so hardworking, but that was just the way he is.

“i thought i told you to lock the door,” seonghwa’s eyes were plastered to the computer screen, sheets of paper strewn about on the desk. usually you’d be surprised, given how neat and organised seonghwa had to be. but since this must’ve been one hell of a contract, you could understand that he lost some of his bearings. 

“i’m in the office, there’s no reason for me to lock it,” his eyes tear away from the screen and look down at the papers. 

the office smelled like febreeze, which you already were used to. seonghwa sighs a loud sigh and he gets out of his seat, stretching his limbs while you walk around to his desk, placing the file down and picking up some of the sheets he was just looking at. 

you drop your suitcase to your feet and your eyes naturally begin to skim through the brand new contract he spent the entire day obsessing over. seonghwa shifts and you hear his shoes pace up and down the space behind you, probably trying to get the blood circulation going from the hours of sitting down. 

the lamp sitting on his desk illuminates the papers in your hands into a bright white, and the printed black words become so much shinier under it. 

“oh? samsung?” your eyes widen slightly at the name printed on the sheet. “no wonder you’ve been in here the whole day.”

he hums, and you start to feel his torso looming over you from behind. 

“what else do you have to do though?” you flip through the sheets, and he pushes your hair aside, his fingers lightly brushing against the skin under your ear. 

“not funny, seonghwa,” the frown deepens into your forehead when you notice all the sheets had already been filled up. “are you clearing emails? if you’ve filled up the contract sheets then there’s no reason for you to be her--”

the pressure on your lower back combined with the soft breathing on your neck cuts off the oxygen from your nose to your lungs. the air hitting your skin causes goosebumps to erupt all over your skin, and you start to cringe from the ticklish sensation. you flinch and your shoulder shrugs up to your ear as you turn around, taken aback to realise he was standing right behind you, barely giving you any space to turn. 

“uh...” the air was eerily still, and there was a strange look in his eyes that you don’t find familiar. your rear rests against the edge of the desk, and you pass the sheets to your left hand, right hand reaching up to wave it infront of seonghwa’s face. “are you okay?” 

“i’m more than fine,” gently wrapping his fingers around your palm, you raise a brow in confusion. 

you sigh and return the sheets back to the middle of the desk, hand still in his. “you look like you’re going to pass out, is there anything wrong?” 

naturally, your other hand finds his, and you pat the back of his hands like you were petting a dog.

“i need to ask something, and you gotta promise to answer me honestly,” there was a hint of fear and anxiety in his voice, and you didn’t like it. 

nonetheless, he was one of your best friends and he wouldn’t ever hurt you, no matter what he said.

he was probably going to ask something you would find offensive.

“alright,” you release his hands and cross your arms over your chest. “hit me.”

seonghwa shoves both his hands into his pocket and straightens his back, the change in posture making him look taller than what you were used to seeing. 

“do you still feel the same?”

the muscles in your neck snap your head backwards, and both eye brows lift themselves further away from your eyes. a small snort escapes your nose, and you start to nibble on your thumb. 

“‘still feel the same’? about what? about what happened seven years ago in your living room?” 

the smile doesn’t disappear from your lips, and it only gets wider when seonghwa nods. 

“park seonghwa,” you chortle, lifting your hand up to his forehead and pressing so hard into his skull that his head tilts backwards. “are you sure you’re okay? because i’m pretty sure that’s your juiced-out brain talking.”

one foot was already turned to walk out from between him and the desk, but he slams his left hand onto the surface of the expensive wood, and the loud slap of skin against wood startles you. 

your head whips to the left to look at him, and it dawns on you that he wasn’t messing with you. not a single feature on his face twitched, and you could see his soul crawling out of his eyes and threatening to squeeze into yours. 

“an honest answer.”

the most vital organ in your body starts to race, and the sensation yanks you back seven years to when seonghwa figured it out for himself. 

you haven’t felt the same kind of panic and worry since then. 

“i’d like to believe i’ve gotten over you, why?” the neurons in your brain struggled a little to piece that sentence together. 

“so it’s not a definite ‘no’?”

straightening yourself, you pat down your blazer and jab a finger into his shoulder. “did you not hear a word i just said?” 

“y/n,” this time he grabs your wrist, and you could feel the groves and bones of his fingers. “it was a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.”

a pause, and you start hearing your heart in your ears. 

“do you still feel the same?”

everything inside you screams ‘no’, but you were well aware that if you had to even convince yourself that that was the case, then it was obvious the answer is ‘yes’. you start screeching at yourself in your own head, knowing that if you kept quiet any longer, seonghwa’s sharp eyes and extreme situational awareness was going to help him crack the code. 

“i--”

“so it’s a ‘yes’.”

fuck me.

“seonghwa, let me explain, okay? it’s not that i didn’t try, i’m just letting those... stupid feelings wear away on its own,” you writhe yourself out his hold and he releases you, but you couldn’t prepare yourself for what he said or did next. 

“there’s nothing to explain, just let your heart tell you what’s good for you.”

there wasn’t a single cell inside you that could tell you why you were so scared, so when seonghwa cups your cheeks with his hands and presses his lips against yours, the realisation pulls your eyes wide open. 

red and white sirens go off violently in your head like declarations of war, and your palms press flat against his chest to push him back.

“what are you-- seonghwa, if you think this is funny, then you need to know that it’s not. at all.”

“no, please, i didn’t mean to make you think i’m messing with you,” his eyes soften, and you were relieved to realise that the seonghwa standing in front of you right now was the one you recognised.

“really? because if we weren’t friends for like ten years, i’d think you’re just another playboy.”

seonghwa offers a weak chuckle, and he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. you take a few deep breaths to steady your heart, the mind-boggling situation not exactly resting in a comfortable spot in your head. 

“is that how you really see me? a playboy?” he raises a brow with mischief, and the slowly diminishing gap between the two of you alarms your senses all over again. 

“i’m well aware of how the girls in school used to look at you,” his breath starts to hit your upper lip again, and the hairs on the back of your neck stand. 

“okay, but that was seven years ago,” you watch with the slightest pinch of horror when his hands run up your arms and rest on your shoulders. “but now we’re both adults and i’m sure you’re mature enough to understand your own feelings, regardless of what i was treated as in school.”

“could you hurry up and get to the point?” you frown when he leans in again, your head slowly inching backwards. “all this beating around the bush is going to piss me off and i’m going to leave you here alone and go home.”

the sound of his laughter landed in your ears like music, and you let it run through you that it was one of the many things that led you to fall for him. 

“okay, well...” he licks his lips ever so subtly, and he tilts his head so you didn’t need to. “if you still have feelings for me then i want you to know that i have feelings for you too.”

the confession rests on your skin like a layer of silk, and your eyes somehow become comfortable closing this time round. 

he tasted exactly the way you’d expect him to: strawberries.

your hands were still awkwardly gripping the edges of the table, so when he finds them and pulls them around his own neck, that was when you lost all sense of reality. 

you couldn’t decide between kissing him because you still had feelings for him or because you’ve spent so much time being comfortable around him, some part of you felt so at home.

the line was so thin that you physically felt it disappear. 

the thought of it was kind of messed up, but it was seonghwa, the one who stayed your friend despite knowing you had feelings for him, the one who stayed and protected you by not telling anybody else. 

not wooyoung, not hongjoong, not mingi. 

the feeling of your entire existence, and the last seven years, melt into that kiss was so heartfelt, and it may have been your feelings for seonghwa talking, but his lips against yours felt like heaven-born puzzle pieces meant for each other. 

seonghwa picks you up and places you on the desk, the kisses soft and gentle, and his fingers on your cheek made you feel like heaven all on its own.

if hongjoong were here, you just know he was going to yell at the two of you for choosing intimacy over your friendship, but for two people who had mutual feelings for each other, there wasn’t much anybody could do about it. 

seonghwa breaks the kiss and he gives you a gorgeous smile, the sight shoving a hundred butterflies into your stomach while the strawberry taste lingers on your lips. 

“tell me if you’re uncomfortable--”

“we’re in the office--”

“camera’s not working.”

a small scoff runs off your tongue, and he dips his nose into your neck. kisses the weight of feathers land on your skin, and your heart starts running through your chest like it was in a competition. his hands push your legs open, the sudden jerk shooting little bolts of shock up your spine.

whines start to drip over your lips upon the kisses on your neck, and seonghwa drags his palms up your thighs, the pressure slightly but never overwhelming.

he wraps his arms around your waist when he returns his attention to your lips, pulling you so close to him that your chest was pressed against his, and your nose starts to pick up on his scent. 

your weight begins to shift backwards as his hands messily push all the things on his table to the side, laying you on your back but never once breaking the kiss. 

“this is so not okay,” you huff embarrassedly, arm finding your forehead when he pulls away. you heard him gulp, and it reminds you that he must be as anxious as you were, if not even more.

“are you really okay with letting me do this?” he presses a kiss into your cheek, fingers caressing your knees that he held on either sides of his hips. “you can say no, and we’ll be fine. we let it go once, we can let it go again.”

the look in his eyes were so dangerously comforting, you felt your mind glitch a little trying to process them. seonghwa was so genuine and sincere about your feelings that it made you nauseous. the pricetag the both of you were putting on tonight was your friendship. 

one wrong move and it could all go down the drain.

“i’m okay as long as i know that you’ll still be here, even if anything goes wrong.”

seonghwa looks at you with slightly sorrowful eyes, before he kisses you again, and the amount of comfort and promise that you absorbed from it was enough to make you tear up. 

“i’ll never leave you, even if we aren’t a couple and if we’re just friends... even if we stop talking fifty years down the road, i’ll still want you to be by my side in the afterlife.”

your nose sours at his little speech, and your heart shatters without warning. pulling him back to your lips, you kiss him like life was going to tear him away from you. 

seonghwa drinks your love and need for affection with ease, fingers trailing down your stomach and under your skirt to play with the rims of your underwear. 

fingers slide under the material and he smiles into the kiss when he realises your body needed him more than you’d like to admit. you would’ve slapped him across the face if he pulled away just to tease you, but he doesn’t.

he swallows a loud groan from you when he slips a finger in, and your grip around his shoulders tighten upon the blissful sensation. 

your fingers start to fumble with the dress shirt he was wearing under his blazer, and bit by bit, the whiteness of his skin start to remind you of milk. 

seonghwa removes his finger and sucks it like a lollipop, his eyes flying up to the dress shirt around your chest and he does the same for you. 

you couldn’t contain the mewls that slipped through your teeth when he undoes enough buttons to expose your cleavage, and the kisses on the curves of your breast felt like you were already one foot into the afterlife. 

the last button on his dress shirt comes undone, and you marvel at his torso. for a split second, you felt so proud you fell for him not because of his face or body, but because of his personality. yet, now with the knowledge that he looked like that under the layers of clothes, it was too difficult a task to hide the lust that overcame you almost instantaneously.

“hold your horses, kitten,” he pulls away from your chest, at the same time removing your underwear from under your skirt. your eyes involuntarily lock with his, and again, you couldn’t recognise them.

“who are you and what have you done to park seonghwa?” you mock him in attempt to calm your own bundle of nerves. a smirk pulls his lips up in the corner, and he yanks you to the edge of the table where his groin was dangerously near your exposed core. 

“i’m yours and he’ll come back once i’m done with you.”

you throw your head back into the table when he kneels down, and his tongue finds your sensitive nub. your fingers run through your own hair when he starts flicking against you, occasionally lapping your dripping neediness up. he doesn’t push into you, which was both frustrating and pleasuring at the same time. 

you start to lose your grip on reality, and just as you were about to protest against him being such a tease, he removes his face from your south and begins undoing his belt. 

your lids were droopy with lust, and watching him undo the button and zipper of his pants made it so much more worth it. 

“i wish i knew this day was coming,” you whisper to him as he leans over you again, one arm holding his torso above you and the other, you assume, pulling his underwear low enough to release himself from the material. 

“so you can tell the girls that you’re having sex with me in the office?”

the line sounded so lewd, blood began rushing both down to your south and up to your cheeks.

“what, you’re shy now?” the brow he raises was so smug, you would’ve bitten down on his bottom lip if you didn’t suddenly gasp when he plunged into you without warning. 

your chin tilts so sharply towards the ceiling, he had to pull it back down for him to shove his tongue into your mouth, and a pinch of pain seeps through your entrance into your thighs. 

the harsh, rougher kisses were pulling inappropriate noises out from your throat, and he starts thrusting into you when he assumes you’ve gotten used to him. his right hand was supporting his weight by the side of your head, and his left palm was gripping onto your thigh with such immense strength, you were sure he was going to leave marks by the time you were done. 

seonghwa finally pulls away, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his pants becoming more apparent. your arms grip onto the edge of the desk above your head, and tears start to form in your eyes when the pain completely dissolves into pleasure and bliss. 

“my pretty, pretty, secretary,” he huffs into your ear and licks the edge of your skin, the contact sending you over an edge and the friction in your abdomen drilling dirty thoughts into your head. 

“seonghwa--” the thrusts get deliberately harder and rougher, the sudden bucking of his hips enough to jerk the entire table. “oh-- shit--”

the tip of him starts to ram into a magical spot inside you, and your eyes roll into the back of your head when he doesn’t stop.

“be a good girl and come for me.”

every word literally gets hammered into you, and it sends you into an abyss of bright light while your legs shiver in ecstasy, and seonghwa pulls out shortly after, his speed allowing him to grab some napkin from the corner of his table so that he wouldn’t release anywhere on his desk. 

you struggle to catch your breath, and seonghwa reaches over to clean you off the table. 

“oh, no,” you cover your mouth and give a painful chuckle. 

“what is it?” his voice was soft and smooth again, and the gears in your head stop to process that this was the same person who just called you a good girl a few moments ago.

he pulls your hand away and gives you a light kiss on your lips, eyes scanning your face with worry and concern. 

“i told you not to do anything dumb, but i ended up doing it with you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: WHOO ok that was kinda long for a one shot. anyway, it’s super mellow compared to what i did for pilot juyeon so i hope you (smut)readers don’t mind heh. i’m still working on HOSTIS chapter 2, so look out for it! it should be up any time in the next few days. 

thank you for reading, and stay safe!!

- love, dana

[its-chelisey-stuff]

‘Love and Redemption’, eps 41-50 (at this point I just feel pain)

I wanna take a moment and address the situation properly: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK SIFENG? YOU DO THIS EVERY.SINGLE.FUCKING.TIME. You sacrifice everything for this woman everytime. You have a 99.9999999 % of disregard for your person is actually a wonder you came this far into life or maybe not if we take into account the other 9 incarnations and the one in heaven.

I can't believe the biggest reason why I love this character so freaking much is also the only reason that makes me mad at him, because it leads to his death, demise, destruction, ending, fin, whatever you want to call it, always. His only flaw is also his biggest strength depending on what day of the week or in which part of the drama he is living.

He loves Xuanji impossibly too much.

I mean... this is a drama that has deities, demons and mortals, all aware of the others' existence. I've seen dragons and weird creatures that rank from adorable to wtf scary. There are mermen who are doctors. Snakes that can turn into people and become spiritual pets!!! All of that is okay by me. I barely react to any of it. Oh, sure, you can fly on your swords? Pretty cool. By far the most fantastical thing on this drama, the one that makes me react with incredulity and wonder, is the love Sifeng feels for Xuanji.

Never ever in a million years could it be true in real life (and not only because of the fantasy elements) but that's the greatest thing about this drama. That's why I love it so much. And it makes me angry.

The whole time on ep 45 when Xuanji almost killed Sifeng by using something her senior gave her, had me screaming in desperation. Xuanji, you moron!! Thank goodness for WuZhiQi.

When the drama started, I kept looking for the big bad TM guy. As I've learned with the few costume cdramas I've seen, villains never show themselves right away. So, I wasn't expecting Dijun to be the crazy manipulating possessive obsessive bitch he turned out to be and I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to hate his character. In these last ten eps, I reached the height of my patience, my sanity limit, and I just really wanted someone to kill him everytime he opened his heavenly mouth. Damn, I wish Sifeng had really done that, instead of just being framed by the crazy bitch. 

To me, Yuan Lang nor the star of Mosha are the bad guys. It's him. 100% him. I want OTP to take revenge on him because I fear he is guilty of a lot more than we know. But woud I be lucky enough to have it my way? *sighs*

Listen, I love Tengshe and apparently someone in the drama does as well I said it on my previous post but it's important to say it again because he keeps solving things and moving the plot ahead. This is the kind of character you want introduced (if you need to) later in any story. He went to heaven and snuck onto the forbidden library, snooping on top secret records and even went into Dijun's private chambers, to look for information or any clues on Xuanji and her past. And once he did it he descended to the mortal realm and helped Sifeng stop a catastrophe and even lectured the stupid mortals on their stupidity. On these eps, he was my fave character along with Sifeng.

The mortals are stupid, as I've stated. My Linglong went through a bunch of shit, so I dare not to say anything about her, but what about the rest of the mortals? The sect leaders with their hypocrisy and so called good ways, I almost spit blood from anger lol cdramas would make you say that. But seriously, why is it that no mortal dared to think rationally? Why are they so dumb? Xuanji's driving force in believing Sifeng was her love for him and how much she didn't wanted him to be bad, but she didn't really used her brain to think about the fact that the the evidence and what she knew were contradictory. Oh, Xuanji. You were never the brightest but I always thought your love for Sifeng could work as your conscience. And because of that, you deserved to suffer a bit when you found out how mistaken you were. Karma.

The only resourceful people here are the demons (good and bad). They get things done and I'm so happy that even though Sifeng had a crazy suicide plan that was making every mortal hate him, he had a support system and good friends by his side, that knew the truth and trusted him. Hell, Wu ZhiQi had just met him and he was already saving his life and trying to stop him from doing something crazy spoiler: he failed. These demons were such a heavy contrast with the humans. Is ironic, truly, that the "monster race" was being more honorable and actually using their heads unlike the "civilized" mortals. *Sighs deeply and shakes head* Tragic.

Wasn’t expecting to like Wu ZhiQi so much, so fast, but I do. And he is such a mood! Plus, anyone who likes Sifeng and tries his best to help him, is on my good list.

What a creepy nauseating move, to try to take her away on her wedding day eww disturbing as heck. I don't know what forms of therapy are like in this world, this period of time, but if killing her kidnapper/rapist/stalker is going to help my Linglong heal and put the nightmare behind her, then I cannot tell you how happy I was that it was her, the one who sent him to hell. And I got to see her fight like the badass she is. Please, please, drama. Let her be happy now. She deserves it. 

Is so Sifeng of him to try and save Xuanji literally 15 minutes after she just tried to kill him. As angry as I was, I couldn’t help but swoon lol because here he is, desperate to save the woman he loves, no matter what things she’s done. He can’t just stand there and watch her die.

Sifeng fell for Xuanji on the Heavenly realm a thousand years ago! We still don't know the full story, but I was so happy to get a confirmation on it, and do correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Dijun didn't recognize Sifeng? Or maybe he pretended not to? Everybody from 1000 years ago recognizes Xuanji, but no one has done it with Sifeng. And yet, he clearly was there. That's weird, right? I mean, he took a few heavenly lashes for Xuanji. And he freaking was the one to stop her punishment AND he descended after her (more like fell, heh). Who on earth was this guy? Why did he have so much influence or power over what gets to be done about her? I'm not curious anymore. That doesn't describe what I feel. I'm craving for the answer, I need it.

Ah. These two. Maybe this isn't the one sided love I thought it was, after all. Maybe Xuanji did like him before becoming a mortal. But... There are so many things that I still don't get. I got a few answers but also way more questions.

I don't want this story to end, but Sifeng and tbh Xuanji too, have suffered too much already. I gotta say that I wasn't so happy with Xuanji, in fact I was very annoyed with her especially when she drew in a sword through Sifeng's chest wtf but I can't hate this girl and tbh my love for Sifeng is greater than my annoyance/hate towards Xuanji, which means that as long as Sifeng is happy and smiling, I don't care if it's with Xuanji and if she doesn't suffer nearly a half of as much as he does. There has been enough suffering on their tenth reincarnation alone that we don't even need to take into account the other 9 lives. They deserve ALL the happiness in the world.

Hehe but that won't come easily. I'm bracing myself because I think the very worst (and the painful answers) is in the last 9 episodes but hey, it'd be worth it, theres a happy ending. That's what keeps me going 😜

Edit: lmao I just realized that I didn’t talk about the biggest revelation of all, which is that Xuanji is not only the God of War but ALSO the Star of Mosha. How does that even work? Sifeng has tried to investigate and Tengshe as well, but there’s only so much that’s recorded on the official papers, so far they’re the only ones that know the truth and Sifeng’s best bro (who found out bc there’s only one person/reason why Sifeng would ever say he’s the Star of Mosha). Looking forward to finding out the whole story.

[tory-ben-hi-shelton]

my favourite quotes from seizure

That's what we call ourselves. Virals. It seems appropriate to have a group name after becoming a gang of genetic mutants. It's good for morale.

Observing Ben'a struggle, Hi scratched his chin. Glanced at me. Shrugged. Then he quietly slipped around Ben. And, without ceremony, kicked him in the ass. Hard.

Faster than thought, Ben grabbed Hi and wrapped him in a vicious bear hug. "Smart ass."

Hi sputtered, gasping for air. "Back off! I don't like you that way!"

Ben laughed.

Hi slogged back to the beach. "I let him win. He needs the self confidence."

"Right."

"Hey, I'm a giver."

"A saint."

It was good to see Ben laugh again.

"Not nice," I joked. "You'll sour Jewish-Sewee relations."

"It's true, I take it back," Hi said. "Our people have a rich history of mutual respect. Long live the alliance!"

"Score one for your honker."

"Thanks, I think." I cocked my chin at Hi's substantial midsection. "Nice abs."

"Yeah, I work out twice a month. No exceptions. But stop hitting on me, it's embarrassing."

Then, almost as one, the boys looked at their screens. Directly at me.

Huh? I was the youngest. The only girl. Why was I in change? No matter. I was in totally agreement.

"You can't be serious." Shelton groaned, eyes returning to his laptop. "I'd nearly hacked Ben and Jerry's website when you called. We could've been eating free Chunky Monkey right now."

"This is a rip-off dude. Twenty pages, and I still don't know what these people do. But here's a JPEG OF A DIAMOND RING. VERY HELPFUL."

"We need some kind of plan," Hi said. "We can't allow ourselves to be split up. I don't want to be a freak alone. Been there, done that. I like having friends."

"Stop whining, hippie." Ben crossed to Hi and mussed his hair. "We'll figure something out. But no spazzing inside the bunker. I won't allow it."

"I have a cotillion event. Some yacht-club charity fundraiser thingy. Whitney is insisting and Kit took her side." Three wide smiles. "Oh shut up."

But now Ben was here. For some reason. "Fine by me." A wry smile crossed Tom Blue's lips. "But you don't have to ride with my boy if he's bothering you, Tory."

Ben scowled, reddened, but kept quiet.

"No, that'd be great!" I said quickly. "Thanks, Ben. Thanks anyway, Tom!" Ben cast off with more haste than usual. I could hear his father chuckling as as began to pull away.

It occurred to me that Ben was an attractive guy. Even when brooding. Hell, especially when brooding.

Wolf: Haha. Come over now. Grab Shelton if you can.

Green Lantern: Boo. I thought you were hitting on me.

Wolf: Nope. Still intimidated by your good looks.

Green Lantern: Understandable.

"Why does everything girlie smell so delightful?"

"Because we acknowledge the importance of basic hygiene. And periodically clean our bathrooms."

"Brilliant. I should write that down. After all, it takes a village."

"She's famous, really famous, because..." He stopped dead. "Wait."

I met his gaze levely. No point in being discreet now.

"No." Shelton shook his head. "You can't be serious. That's your plan?"

"What plan?" Hi asked.

"You have a better idea?" I crossed my arms. Defiant. And a little self conscious.

"But that's not even a real plan. It's a joke. Why not just chase rainbows looking for lucky charms?"

"What plan?" Hi repeated.

"I'm not claiming it's a slam dunk." I said.

"It's not even a full court shot," Shelton said. "Blindfolded. Underhand. With a bowling ball."

"We have to try something."

"WHAT. PLAN." Hi. Exasperated.

Ben walked in and popped the back of Hi's head.

"WHY. ARE. YOU. YELLING."

"Wonderful." Hi slid to the floor. "First ignored, then attacked. I need new friends. And a lawyer."

"I meet very few people your age who know of her."

"We're very advanced," Hi said earnestly. "I can even zip my own pants. Most times, anyway."

I glanced over my shoulder. Ben, Shelton, and Hi stood behind me, shoulder to shoulder. Scowling. A solid wall of opposition.

Deep breath.

"Guys..."

"Absolutely not!"

"Crazy woman!"

"I just got out if trouble!"

Okay. Bad start.

"Who sold you that box, anyway?" I asked.

"Piss off."

"Hey!" Ben shouted. "Watch your mouth."

Ben stepped towards the counter. Hi grabbed his arm as Shelton placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks, but Ben is picking me up."

"Ben." Jason shook his head. "I guess you're taking community service to heart," he quipped.

"Out of bounds," I warned. "Ben's a good friend."

"He's a prince. Enchanting. Tell him I miss him."

"Fine." Not a care in the world.

Hi leaned close to his screen. "What'd do you mean, 'fine'?"

"Don't come with me," I said. "I'll go by myself."

The boys all spoke at once.

"Don't be a drama queen." Hi.

"You can't go alone." Ben.

"Somebody has to watch your back." Shelton.

I grabbed Hi's shoulder. "Go! Do your thing."

"You're pretty casual with my life, you know."

"Go!"

"Let's see those elbows," Ben demanded. "You left a bloody streak in the shaft."

I let him inspect my wounds, glad he'd forgotten to be mad at me.

"Hi." Shelton panted. "I love you, man."

"Back at you." Hi spat globs of filth. "I'm going to kiss Ben now, in case some of you don't want to watch."

"I'll pass." Ben ruffled Hi's hair.

My head broke the surface. I took a giant breath.

"Tory!" Ben's face was inches from mine. "You okay?"

"Fine," I said. "Dandy. I bonked my head."

Ben looked at me oddly.

Hi shuffled over, grasped my hand, and deposited a sloppy kiss. "I'm in your debt milady."

"Tory!" Eyes popping. "What in God's name are you doing here?"

"You said you needed rescuing. I haven't slain any dragons yet, but the day is young."

"Humouring you means getting in the water." Hi grumbled. "It better be worth it."

Shelton slapped Hi's shoulder. "Seeing you in a wet tee is reward enough."

"Thanks, guys." Flat on his back, rubbing a shoulder. "Don't worry about me."

"Suck it up," said Shelton. "You dropped our fearless leader."

"Just hear me out!"

"I don't wanna!" Shelton whined. "You'll start talking, and pretty soon we'll all start nodding, and then the next thing you know, I'm hang gliding off the Effiel Tower at midnight chased my ninja vampires. No deal!"

Ben smacked the back of Shelton's head.

Once I got them listening, their curiosity always won out. It's what I loved best about them.

"I already counted them," Ben said. "Lose any, you'll be less a few fingers."

"That's twice you've insulted my honour, Blue. Pistols or swords?"

"Correction. That was your last warning. Test me again, and you'll limp for a very long time."

I caught the other Virals in the corner of my eye. "What?"

Ben was staring, jaw open. "Good Lord, Tory."

"Nice shooting, Scarface." Hi handed me Duncan's weapon. "Remind me to never owe you money. Who taught you to fire a gun?"

"Long story." I wasn't answering 'drunk grandfather' true or not.

"Tory, a father isn't suppose to fear his fourteen year old daughter. That being said, you terrify me."

"We need to thank my great-great-great pirate grandma."

Kit's eyebrows shot up. "Your what?"

"Nothing. Just kidding."

Maybe.

Kits generosity had benefitted the Virals as well. Though a shockingly long list of museums, landmarks, and wildlife organizations had banned us for life, we'd avoided criminal charges.

[guildedlily6]

You Plus Me Equals Soulmates Part 4 (Peter Parker x Reader Soulmate!AU)

Summary: Things continue to grow tense between Liz and Y/N after the results of the house party.  Meanwhile, things heat up between Y/N and Peter Parker.  Is Y/N Peter’s soulmate?  Or will Liz interfere?

Author’s Note: Hey, you may have noticed I’ve been posting parts for this imagine every day for the past three days, but I’m sorry to say don’t get too used to it.  I am writing mainly at night due to me having online school during the day (yay quarantine) which usually ends in me up until 4 or 5am.  There is a Part 5 in the makings because of the unresolved things in this part with Liz and more that I’m not going to spoil for you right now.  Click on the links below to read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Word Count: 2,824

Warnings: swearing, fluff (if that counts as a warning)

--------------------------------------

So it’s official.  My former best friend, Liz Allen, and Peter Parker are no longer going to homecoming together.  Partially because of me.  But maybe Liz and Peter were never meant to go to homecoming together in the first place.

It’s been about two weeks since the mortifying incident at Liz’s house party that ended up all over social media.  I was a school-wide meme for about two weeks before the Principle got involved and started handing out detentions and even suspensions to anyone who even mentioned the party or posted about it on some social platform.  Out of anyone in the school, though, Liz chats about it the most.  She won’t talk to me directly, but word travels fast when you’re 16 and the gossip of the school, so I hear every little thing she has to say about me.  So far, I’ve ignored it.  I have other things on my mind.

Peter Parker is sitting across the room from me in 7th period, writing something in his chemistry journal.  I do have to admit, things were extraordinarily awkward once he found out about the drama, pictures, and videos of me yelling “I don’t care about Peter Parker!” in front of everyone to see, but unlike Liz, I talked things out with him and we’re actually friends now.

Friends.  Do people really think about their friends the same way I think about Peter?

The answer is no.  Ever since the party, I couldn’t stop thinking about brown curls, eyes that hold such softness, and the familiar smile.

I’ve accepted the part of me that wishes to see a matching equal sign tattoo on Peter’s wrist, by now.  What I haven’t accepted is that confronting Peter about my newfound feelings is necessary in order to discover if he feels the same way and with the same intensity as me.

“That wraps up today’s lesson.  Homework is due tomorrow and if it is not turned in, it will be entered as an automatic zero,” rings the usual monotonous voice of my chemistry teacher.  I tuck papers and folders into my backpack, packing up just before the bell rings.

Slinging the backpack around my shoulders, I stand up only to notice someone is waiting for me.

Peter smiles gently.  “We have a Decathlon meeting today,” he reminds me. Right.  Liz is also in our Decathlon club, which is a small problem, but “everyone is a necessary member of our team” as Mr.Harrington would say.

“So are you and Liz going to fight or something?  I mean, you didn’t last week or the week before that in Decathlon club or in the hallways… or in any of your classes together, but if you do plan to fight, tell me,” Ned says eagerly, rushing to catch up with Peter and I.

“Liz and I are not going to fight, Ned.”  For the past week, Ned has been trying to convince me that the only way to settle things once and all for Liz and I is to throw down in the middle of the hallway, or something along the lines of that. Two weeks ago, I totally would’ve been up to forcefully shove my fist into Liz’s face, but now I’m not in the mood to get expelled.  Honestly, the whole mess shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it is.  I feel like I’m back in preschool, fighting over a toy.  Not only is Peter not a toy, but he’s also made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with Liz.

However, Peter hasn’t exactly made a move to ask another person to homecoming yet.

Peter, Ned, and I walk into the gymnasium, other members of the Decathlon club already sitting in chairs.

“Just get seated please!  Today we’re going to figure who’s going to Washington with everyone for the National Decathlon,” Mr.Harrington announces while unfolding chairs.

MJ sees us and greets us with a nod that says ‘sup’, Flash looks at Peter and laughs, whispering something to his friend, and Liz regards the three of us with a yawn.

I sit down in between Peter and Ned.

“Alright, so all of you have paid the club dues which means you’re all technically allowed to go to Washington with us.  Who thinks they may have a conflict with the trip from April 30th-May4th?”  Mr.Harrington takes a seat, spreading out some papers before him on a fold-able table.

Peter’s the only one to slowly raise his hand in the silence.  I glance over at him with a questionable look.

Mr.Harrington raises his eyebrows.  “What is your conflict, Mr.Parker?”

“Well, you know I have the Stark Internship, and well, uh… Mr.Stark said that I should always be prepared for someone to call me so-”

“Hold on, lemme get this right.  Parker gets to miss out on the trip because of his ‘Stark Internship’?” Flash raises a single eyebrow, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

“Peter, you understand this trip is mandatory.  The conflicts are only for… well, only for serious things,” explains Mr.Harrington, peering over his glasses at Peter.

Peter blushes slightly, embarrassed.  “Well I- I don’t want you to… Uh, make Mr.Stark angry…”

He’s still pretending to have a Stark Internship?  Seriously, Peter, drop the act. You can’t quit the team.

Our Decathlon leader sighs.  “Peter I’m afraid you have to go on this trip.  You’re extremely valuable to this team.  Unless you wish to leave the team…”

“I- I understand Mr.Harrington.”

“So he’s off the team?”  Flash speaks up again, obviously excited by the possibility of Peter getting kicked out of the club.

“What’s your decision, Peter?”  Mr.Harrington asks.

“I… I guess I can’t do it,” Peter admits quietly.

I turn my head to look at him.

Really?  What are you doing?

“Well, okay.  If you change your mind, just email me, Mr.Parker.”  Mr.Harrington crosses something out on his paper before pushing his glasses back up on his nose and looking at Peter.

The rest of the meeting goes on as it does normally; reciting facts and sitting around listening to Flash and Mr.Harrington argue over whether ‘fergalicious' is a word or not.

__________Liz’s POV__________ I plan to get Peter back.  It sounds dumb and childish, but if I want to prove that I wasn’t humiliating myself in front of the school for nothing, this is how to do it.

Unfortunately, there’s some minor obstacles.  The first problem is that somehow Peter found it in him to forgive Y/N for saying she doesn’t care about him and now they’ve grown to be close friends within the past two weeks.  The second problem would be that Peter most definitely hates me.  Part of that may be my fault, though, since I haven’t bothered to try and communicate with him in any way in the last couple weeks.  The third problem is that I wish Y/N wasn’t mad at me.  Yeah, I’ve done some pretty mean things in the past, but none this bad.

My chin resting on the palm of my hand, I gaze at Peter from a few seats away.  Either he doesn’t notice or he’s ignoring me on purpose.  To be fair, I did say that I didn’t want to talk to Y/N or Peter ever again.

I shift my eyes to focus on Y/N.

I want my best friend back.

Was it really worth it?  No, it wasn’t.  But I guess it’s too late now.  I’ve already formed my plan, so no going back.

“Liz?  Hello?  Do you have an answer?”  Mr.Harrington waves a hand in front of my face.

I snap back into reality.

Was everyone watching me gaze longingly at Peter and glaring at Y/N? “Can you repeat the question?”

Mr.Harrington hits the table a few times with his baby toy hammer, signaling I answered wrong.  “I’ve already repeated the questions 3 times, and if you were paying attention, Miss Allen, maybe you would know that.”

In the corner of my eye I see Y/N smirk and shake her head with a look that reads ‘dumb ass’.

Whatever.

Anyway, my plan is to slowly release every single secret Y/N has ever told me out into the school until almost everyone knows everything about her.  At that point, Peter might be so embarrassed to be seen with her that he completely abandons her.  Next, I’ll make my move on Peter.

Obviously, I have some details to fix, but it’s coming together.  However, Peter not going to Washington affects a lot of my plan.  If he does end up going, every part of my plan will fall into place.

_________Y/N’s POV_________ After the Decathlon meeting ends and everyone is dismissed, I pull Peter out into the hallway.

“What’s the real reason for not going to the National Decathlon?”

“What?  I told everyone it was because of the Stark Internship-” but Peter doesn’t get to finish his sentence before I cut in.

“Yeah that’s what you told people.  But, like, a 16 year old kid doesn’t have a Stark Internship.”

Peter’s expression displays a bit of hurt from my words.  “You don’t believe me.” “No.  I don’t.  Sorry, I don’t believe you have an internship with one of the richest people in the world.”

“Well, I- I can’t tell you.”

Now it’s my turn to be hurt.

He can’t tell me?  Why not?

This slight pause gives me enough time to realize how close we’re standing.  There’s plenty of hallway outside of the gym for the both of us, but we choose to stand so close that if I leaned in eight more inches we would-

I dart my eyes back up to meet his eyes.

“Fine.  Okay,” I say.

“Did you want me to come or something?”  He questions.

“I- yeah.  I mean you’re my friend, right?  Why wouldn’t I?”

Friend.

He looks down, slightly disappointed.  Is he disappointed?  Why?

“Yeah, I guess,” he responds, shifting his backpack straps and taking a few steps back.  “I don’t know why there would be another reason,” he mutters under his breath.

“Hey guys what are you- did I interrupt something?”  Ned busts through the gym doors and pauses after seeing our faces.

“No, you didn’t, Ned.”

“Oh, okay.  So Peter, are we still going to your place after school for our Star Wars movie marathon?  My mom bought popcorn for me to take,” Ned continues, oblivious to the uncomfortable tension.

“Yeah,” answers Peter.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Y/N.  Do you want to come?”  Ned smiles warmly.

I say “Yeah sure, Ned,” the same time Peter cuts in with “I don’t really think-”

“Great!  You remember where Peter's apartment is, right?  If you don’t just, text one of us.”  Ned starts walking away, leaving Peter to glance apologetically at me.

“I’ll see you soon,” I say to Peter before walking away.

_______(Time skip)_______ I click send on a text telling Peter I’m at his apartment.

Was Peter actually disappointed when I said we were friends?  Aren’t we friends?  I think back to earlier.  How close we were standing.  Peter’s lips had looked soft and his eyes were inviting, but I hadn’t done anything.  Anything about what?  What even is my goal?

Soon enough, the door to the apartment opens and I’m greeted by Peter’s aunt May.

“Oh, hey Y/N.  Come on in,” May says while stepping aside.  “Peter and Ned are in Peter’s bedroom.”

“Thanks, Miss…” I stop myself, unsure of what to call her.

“May.  You can call me May,” she says, beaming.

“Thanks, May,” I say.  I walk past May and up to Peter’s bedroom, slowly opening the door.

“Hey Y/N,” Peter and Ned greet at the same time.  I take a seat on the floor, leaning against Peter’s bed.

“Hey guys.  When are you going to start the movies?”

“Oh we were waiting for you.  Do you want some popcorn?”  Ned holds out a bag of popcorn and I grab some, eating a few.

I get up and we all make our way to the living room.  May announces she’s going out and then leaves.  I take my seat on the couch.  Peter sits down a small distance away from me and Ned sits on a different couch.

All throughout the night, Ned munches on popcorn while the movies play and I slowly get drowsy.  I find myself leaning more and more to one side before I completely fall asleep, and so does Peter.

_________(Time skip)_________ I wake up to something moving beside me.

Why is the couch moving?  My mind is a big groggy.  I open my eyes.

I’m lying nestled into Peter, our limbs tangled in mess.  My eyes drift up and meet Peter’s, which are very much awake and very much flustered.

“I- I’m sorry… I just woke up and-”

“It’s okay,” I say, chuckling softly and quickly moving away.  At the loss of contact, I feel my heart sink sadly.

“Soulmates are usually naturally attracted to each other if seated or lying near one another.”  Where do I remember that from?  Right.  History Of Soulmates textbook I had to read in my psychology class.

I sit up straight and look at Ned, who’s still asleep on the couch.  Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi is playing on the TV.  I grab my phone from the table beside me.  It reads 8:35am.

I turn to look at Peter and realize I’m still practically draped over his lap.  I blush a bright red and once Peter notices, his blush matches mine.  Hastily, I scoot away from him and then stand up.

“Uh… where's your bathroom?”  I ask timidly.

“It’s down that hall and to the right,” Peter says, his voice still slightly raspy from sleep.

My feet carry me away, padding down the hall and then into the bathroom.  I close the door and look in the mirror, fixing my hair and straightening up my shirt.  After I finish touching up, I open the bathroom door, only to be surprised by Peter standing right outside.

I bump directly into his chest and he laughs gently.  I smile faintly and step to go past him, only for us to bump into each other again.  He tenderly grabs my shoulders and leads me to go past him.

I look up at him and admire his messy bed head and the adorable blush still on his cheeks.  He looks down at me with an expression similar to mine and then lets go of my shoulders, still smiling.  “Sorry,” he apologizes, turning to go into the bathroom and then closing the door.

Since when did you get so mushy, I think to myself.

I walk back out to the living room where Ned has now woken up.

“What were you two doing?”  Ned asks the question suspiciously, looking me up and down.

“Peter and I?  Nothing I- we… I just went to the bathroom and-”

“Together?”

“No!  I- I mean no.”  I look at my phone to see a text from my mom: when are you coming home?

“If you did, I mean I don’t judge, I personally was waiting for it to happen, it was just a matter of time before-”

“What are you two talking about?”  Peter walks in, running a hand through his curls.  My heart flutters at the sight.

Stop it.

“Congratulations on you and Y/N finally getting together,” Ned says and I think I’m ready to crawl into a hole and die.

Peter looks at me with an unreadable look on his face.  “What?”

“Peter and I aren’t together, Ned, we just- I just went to the bathroom and he happened to be outside. Nothing happened-” I quickly try to explain it all.  But Peter had a different idea.

“We could be together…” interrupts Peter.  I look at him, shocked.  “I mean, I was just saying- we’re not together- I was just suggesting…”

“Yeah.  Um…”  I try to find a response in myself.

Together?  Really?  Does this mean he feels the same way?

“Right.  This is a bit awkward… So I’m going to go.  Thanks for the marathon, Peter.”  Ned gets up, grabs the popcorn bag, and leaves through the front door. I pretend to be interested in the lamp sitting on a table.

“So…”  Peter starts off.  “I guess I should tell you this now.  That day when I asked Liz out, I had actually meant to ask you to homecoming.  I really like you, Y/N.  Extremely.  It’s like nothing I’ve felt before.  Like-”

“I’m naturally attracted to you,” I finish for him.

He grins with so much happiness it’s almost contagious.  “Yeah.  Exactly like that.”

“Can I- your tattoo.  What is it?”

He rolls up his right sleeve, showing his bare wrist with one simple tattoo. An equals sign.

We’re soulmates.

------------------------------

Hey so here’s some fluff, but the first kiss is yet to come.  Things will escalate from here, so make sure to keep reading.  Or don’t.  I can’t really control what you do.  Thanks for reading!

@disfunctionalcellmembrane @marvel4geeks

Part 5

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

ok, if i don’t write this im gonna lose my mind -cue dmx ‘party up’-

here is a ridiculously detailed analysis of why i am bordering on near certainty of caryl endgame, and how everything that’s been set up from the start of s9 (yes, even c@rzekiel and d@nnie) has been leading up to this

spoilers and long-winded analysis under the cut

let’s take this step-by-step, okay? starting with:

The Titles:

i have said this about a million times now, but the very first indication of caryl came from the new opening credits, where mmb’s name was very strategically placed above the graphic of daryl’s crossbow, what’s meant to symbolize henry’s pike, and a bunch of cherokee roses. it was foreshadowing, not only of henry’s death, but also how her relationship with daryl was going to unfold, and, bear with me here, the downfall of c@rzekiel. speaking of which, let’s go there

C@rzekiel:

i have also rambled about this, too, but the way that kang designed this relationship between zeke and carol was so brilliant, because it was never supposed to be real, but you weren’t able to fully see how until the whole story was laid out before us. (which goes with my belief that kang tells stories over long, connected archs, and not just “you know what would be fun to toss in here rn for some drama?” 

carol

1. denied zeke’s proposal

2. never once told him she loved him

3. explicitly told those saviors she could have done without her ring (a line that had absolutely no need to be in there)

4. continuously rejected the title of queen

5. regularly visited daryl in the woods

6. said herself that all it was, was a fairytale. something i’ll delve into more when i talk about carol’s ptsd

but let me touch on how daryl plays into this. we know she regularly went out into the woods to be with daryl, and she did it because he was her tether back to reality. she was living a fantasy life, and knew deep down that it wasn’t real, but had to do it, for henry’s sake, and for the sake of her mental health, because at the time of the relationship, she had not remotely begun to deal with any of her grief

the first scene we get with her and zeke is directly after daryl saves zeke’s life, which is telling. and the first time we hear her talk about her feelings about zeke’s proposal she turned down it’s with daryl, and let us not forget that the script notes stated that daryl was experiencing jealousy about it. he never asked her not to, though, because he thought she was happy, and that was more important to him than her being with him. he was willing to give her up if it meant she was happy, like what kind of angst trope suffering is that?? -chefs kiss-

and we can’t forget that zeke canonically views daryl as a threat to his marriage (i mean, rightfully so). he literally tells daryl to back off his wife so that he can fix their marriage, because he knows carol is starting to go back to him

next!

flowers:

flowers have been being used as symbolism between these two across the past two seasons a bunch. flowers are in mmb’s title card. the first scene of carol/daryl in the time jump shows them seeing flowers. daryl brings carol a flower on the dinner tray. one of the upcoming episodes is “look at the flowers”. obviously the cherokee rose scene is iconic between them, and flowers to carol represent this weird dichotomy. on the one hand, they represent daryl comforting her and giving her hope, and on the other hand, they represent her downfall mentally from the grove. interesting that one of the threads throughout this current season is carol grappling between trying to stay grounded with daryl, and her losing herself to her grief

speaking of grief!

Carol’s PTSD:

people have bitched that kang is just telling carol’s same storyline all over again, to which i’m like, tf show are you watching?? here’s what kang has done. gimple dealt with carol by literally just locking her away in a house to mull over how terrible she is a person, while never once actually dealing with her grief, and then handed that over to kang as a boiling slop of diarrhea, and somehow kang managed to take that, perform alchemy, and turn it into delicious loving carol juice.

she had henry killed off to parallel sophia, yes, that’s true, but the /reason/ she did that is because she’s righting the wrongs that were done to carol by essentially rewriting her storyline the way it should have gone. carol has lost So Much. more than most, i think, and kang is like, “that would fuck someone up pretty fucking bad, i think, so let’s see her actually have to grapple with that.” kang stays true to the carol gimple created, in that her instinct is to run away (think boat), but she’s using daryl as a means of forcing her to confront her demons. the two of them, at any given time, are running away from their struggles, but daryl is finally at a place of stability, and so he’s taking carol by the hand and saying, “no. i’m not letting you do this again. you have to stay,” and carol does, because she loves him, but consequently she’s having to actually feel it (something she explicitly stated she “can’t let herself do”), and is now experiencing the consequences of it, and poor daryl is stuck trying to handle it. his entire plotline this season has revolved around trying to help carol heal her wounds so that they can finally be together the way they should have been ten years ago.

they should be together, and daryl shouldn’t be with anyone else? glad you asked, because that brings us to:

D@nnie:

i actually think that kang never meant to make daryl/connie a ship, bc nothing in season 9 really indicated anything more than a mutual respect, and part of me truly believes that she saw the reaction to the two of them, and was like, “you know what? i can work with this.”

carol is pushing daryl towards connie because she wants to take alpha down and knows she might go down with her and she needs to know daryl won’t be alone. that’s it. period. end of sentence.

but okay, let’s extrapolate. she asks him if he’s interested in connie, and daryl very, very bluntly says no. you can’t tell me that his answer was meant to be evasive. he delivered that line like straight up “no.” no room for debate about his feelings. if they wanted to leave room for doubt they would have had norman redo his delivery, because it is too obvious. he is shutting it down completely. and carol is like, “why not?” and /that’s/ when daryl gets evasive. very “don’t worry about it, why are you worrying about it, i’m not in love with you, shut up.” 

fucking kills me, guys.

now the current spoilers about carol telling daryl to get angry at her for (supposedly/probably) killing connie furthers this belief that she wants daryl to pull away from her. because he’s her tether, she loves him, and as long as he still wants her around she can’t leave. she wants him to hate her, and daryl refuses. he’s pissed as all get out about what she did, sure, but he doesn’t hate her. also, the idea that daryl going back to try and save connie and magna means he’s in love with connie is absolutely baffling. have you met daryl? his instinct is to save people at all costs. he wouldn’t leave his friends stuck in a fucking cave, are you serious? just because connie is a woman doesn’t mean daryl wants to fuck her. he’s allowed to care about his friends.

but anyway, the point here is that every “d@nnie” spoiler has been music to my ears, bc not once has it been actually shippy. that first episode with the asl book and them together? it was supposed to juxtapose zeke and carol, and how carol and daryl immediately forgot about connie and zeke in order to be with each other. every other thing with connie has either been very cute and platonic, or has been carol trying to push her on daryl. -chefs kiss- my dudes, you’re worrying about nothing

Misc bc I’m Late for Work:

here are just a handful of other indicators that caryl is on the horizon

-the dream where she dreams she’s MARRIED TO DARYL, and the scenes where she wakes up in bed and looks over and he’s not there. why set that up if the end result isn’t going to be them together in bed?

-the bracelet/the acorns and what they symbolize 

-the use of “we” (”we don’t sleep” “it was like that for us before all of this” “since when have we never been enough?” etc)

-their parallels to alpha/beta (see my other long-winded text post on that one)

-ten years worth of history between them!!! that kang understands and references (carol’s claustrophobic, look at the flowers, etc)

so anyway, i don’t have time to tie this up with a nice bow bc i really have to get to work, but this is all to say that i am very very confident about the caryl endgame. i think it’s being drawn out bc kang needs to right the wrongs done by gimple first, but that caryl is where she’s eventually headed. every spoiler has been 100% caryl positive to me. i am zen af, and i think you should be too.

i’ll add to this if i think of anything i missed, but here you go. caryl is endgame and they gon fuck

the end,

-diz   

[poc-movie-supremacy]

My Fancy Boy

After a late night at work, Andrew comes home to a sleepy husband and daughter. As they relax, Steven gets Andrew to tell him his favorite story: How they got engaged. 

This is the final instalment of the Hello Sunshine universe. Hope you guys like it!

-----

The apartment was dark when Andrew opened the door. Work at the restaurant ran a little late so Andrew was just happy to be home. He toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket before silently padding his way throughout the house. When he reached the door to the living room, he noticed a dark blue light flooding through from the crack in the door. Andrew smirked and opened the door. 

Ratatouille was playing on the screen to a small audience. Steven was laying on his back on the sofa half asleep. Methodically, he rubbed his hand over his daughter’s back as he watched her sleep. Her hair was mused as she clutched Steven’s necklace in her tiny hand. Andrew’s heart fluttered at the scene. Quickly he bent down to press a feather-light kiss to the top of his husband’s head. 

Steven preened at the touch, smiling up at him. “Hi honey.”

“Hey sweetie, I’m home,” Andrew joked. Steven smiled up at his husband but didn’t say anything. Moments like there were better fit for quiet reverence than sugary sweet compliments. Slowly, as to not disturb the sleeping child, Steven lifted himself up to let Andrew slide in. He quietly settled himself, one hand in Steven’s hair, the other on their daughter’s back. 

“She really likes your engagement necklace, and ring,” Andrew noted. Her grip on the special piece of jewelry was tight. Steven hummed. 

“She likes the clinking sound the ring and the sun make. Multi-purpose gift,” Steven joked. Andrew rubbed a certain spot in Steven’s hair eliciting a happy noise from the lavender haired boy. “Do you remember the day you gave me it?” Steven whispered. 

“Of course, it was the best day of my life.”

“Tell it to me again.” 

A few years ago…

Andrew paced around the room worrying his bottom lip. Niki, Annie, Rie, and Adam watched him curiously waiting to see what was making him so upset. Niki kept shouting out possibilities but Andrew just ignored her. Finally, Adam got fed up and forcefully asked Andrew why he wanted them at his apartment sans Steven.

“Oh my god are you breaking up?! I won’t be apart of this, Steven’s my friend too.” Niki immediately asserted. That got Andrew to stop his pacing and stare confusingly at Niki. 

“No, no, Steven and I are not breaking up. Quite the opposite actually, I wanna propose.” 

“Oh that’s great! Much better than breaking up, this I can help with.” Niki said, relieved. Annie started laughing at Niki’s comments. Rie gave an encouraging smilte to Andrew who was frankly starting to lose his mind. 

“Why do you need our help. He’s your boyfriend, and he did a worth it: lifestyle episode with Kristin about engagement rings so you already know what he likes,” Adam points out. 

“But a proposal is special, he needs to plan out something great for his fancy boy.” Rie contended with Adam.

Niki snorted. “Andrew could be in his boxers telling Steven the worst pun imaginable and feeding him cheese and Steven would be head over heels.” The quartet frowned in various stages of disgust at the image that sentence invoked. “I do mean that, but man do I regret saying it.”

“This isn’t helping.” Andrew groaned into his hands and resumed pacing. 

“Well, Adam is right, you do know him very well. What does Steven like?” Rie gently asks him. 

“Basketball and Video games, he likes period dramas for the yearning, and anything food related. He likes going to the beach right as the sunsets because he swears swimming and walks along the Riviera are best at night. He hates going to parties, preferring to stay inside and perform science experiments. He’ll rarely get drunk, but if he did it’s only on red wine. He’s such a fancy boy.” As Andrew talked a soft hush fell onto the room. The audience quietly listened to Andrew wax poetic about Steven. A light blush tinted Andrew’s cheeks and a small, dopey smile graced his lips. Liquid adoration pooled in his eyes as he thought about his boyfriend. That’s who I wanna spend the rest of my life with, his brain decided, my sunshine boy, my fancy boy. 

The romantic mood was broken when Niki not so quietly whispered to Annie, “Geez and I thought I was a romantic,” which made Annie snort loudly. 

Slowly, Andrew blinked out of his daydream of happy days with Steven lim to the sad kind of Steven less reality. 

Adam gave him an unimpressed look. “Like I said, you already have everything you need.”

---

Two weeks later, Steven and Andrew were walking hand in hand along the beach. As of today, they’ve been dating for two years. Andrew’s special gift was tucked in a nice pouch in his pocket since he, for the life of him, couldn’t come up with an excuse to wear anything baggier to the beach. Nerves quietly ate away at him as Steven rambled beside him. His hands swung around wildly as he told him some long-winded story that happened to Marielle, Ryan, Shane, and Sara.

When they neared the destination, Andrew gently guided Steven onto the beach towards the picnic basket. Thank god no one stole it, there was some expensive wine in there. Steven’s face lit up at the sight before him. “Sunset beach with the good wine! You know me too well, Andy.” Steven gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek before plopping down onto the blanket.  

Not well enough to know if you’ll say yes, Andrew anxiously thought. He sat down next to Steven side to side, and asked, “Eat now or swim now?”

“Eat now, nothing like a nighttime dip, Drew.” Steven reasoned. Andrew smiled and set about unpacking the picnic baskets. He made them a plate of lasagna and a loaf of garlic bread. Steven licked his lips excitedly at the sight. They don’t bother with plates, choosing instead to eat straight from the tupperware. 

The sun has finally set and the moon is starting to peak out, bathing them in silvery light. It made Steven seem paler, like a silver statue. Andrew thought that the golden jewelry he picked out would offset him wonderfully. 

He turned up some soft music as they set about eating. They fed each other more than they fed themselves if they were being truthful. Whispered words and light giggles danced around them. When they couldn’t eat anymore, Steven absent-mindedly ran his hands over the planes of Andrew’s body. They waited for their food to digest before they went into the ocean. 

They raced in hand in hand, until Andrew picked up Steven and tossed him into the ocean. Shrikes and giggles filled the air. The water was icy cold and chilling to the bone. Shivers and goosebumps raced over the boys. Steven got back at Andrew by dunking him in the ocean. They swam together for a while until Andrew got too tired. He left the beach to dry off and re-rehearsed his speech. Nerves were shaking him to the core. Steven was sad for him to leave the water, but he was having too much fun swimming to leave as well. 

Andrew watched quietly as Steven trekked back from the ocean. His dark blue, almost royal blue hair was wild, half in a cowlick half matted to his forehead. Water droplets slowly made their way down his bare chest. A big smile shone on Steven’s face, brighter than the moon itself. Andrew’s breath caught in his throat. He knew if he was ever going to do it, now was the time. 

“To celebrate our two year anniversary, I got you something. I know jewelry isn’t your thing, but I thought it suited you.” He got out the necklace from his back pocket and held it in front of Steven. It was glittering gold with a sun hanging at the end. Etched onto it was the words: My Fancy Boy.

Steven’s breath was caught in his throat. Tentatively he ran a finger along the gold chain down to the sun. The rays were thick squiggly lines and the sun was a shiny, smooth ball. “Put it on me?” Steven whispered hoarsely. He turned his back to Andrew and nervously played with his hands. The air around them was tense like a glass sheet. Steven could feel and hear every slight difference to the norm. He felt heat radiate off Andrew as he kneeled above him. His fingers were warm against Steven’s. 

Once the necklace was on, Steven fingered it a little before pouncing on Andrew. The glass tension broke. 

Andrew smiled as Steven deliberately placed loving kisses on his boyfriend’s face. His whole face was concentrated, like this is how he would repay Andrew and he had to do it right. 

“Perfect, wonderful, mine,” Steven almost growled into Andrew’s ear. 

“If you loved this gift,” Andrew said with a laugh, “you’re going to love what else I have for you.” A sense of seriousness washed over Andrew. It made Steven sit up, confused, and sit beside Andrew instead of on top of him.

Andrew sat up and patted his pocket to make sure the ring was still there. Reassured, he softly cupped Steven's cheek. “You are the best thing that’s happened to me. Your giggle is music, the scrunch you do when you're happy could make an atheist believe in god. I’ve lived without you and it’s been torture. Something so awful I never want to experience it again, so” Andrew pulled out the ring and got down on one knee. Steven’s eyes were as wide as saucers and shining. Andrew wondered if he’d stare long enough he would see stars and galaxies. 

“Steven Lim, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband.” It was a simple gold band with a single diamond in the middle and two rubies surrounding it. Steven, usually so energetic, was dead still staring at the ring. Andrew was starting to get nervous, wondering if he’d done this too soon or asked him wrong. 

His grip on the ring was lax, loose enough for Steven to slip it onto his finger. As he silently admired the ring, he whispered, “Steven Ilnyckyj does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” His eyebrow quirk at the pun stirred Andrew out of his self-deprecating thoughts. As fast as a bullet, he picked up Steven and twirled him around. 

“I was worried you were going to say no.” He admitted into the crook of Steven’s neck. 

Steven hummed sympathetically and ran his hands methodically through his fiancé’s hair. His nails were growing out which felt good on Andrew’s skull. 

“I’d never say no, this is all I’ve wanted for a long time. I’m not letting you go, neither will this ring or necklace. I’m a very lucky man Ilnyckyj, to have gotten a boy like you.” Later on, he would take off the ring to put it with his necklace. Taking care of a baby was hard work, having his keys, and ring in the same place was a blessing. Plus the baby loved the jingle it made.

“You tell that story so well honey.” Steven sleepily murmured.

“It’s my favorite story to tell.”

[orchidbreezefc]

OKAY COOL I WAS ON THE FENCE ABOUT POSTING MY OWN EXPERIENCES IN THE KFAM DISCORD BECAUSE A POST ABOUT People Being Mean To Sage Specifically SEEMED KIND OF MASTURBATORY OR SELF-PITYING OR WHATEVER BUT IF WE REALLY ARE GOING TO STILL BE OUT HERE PUSHING THE This Server Is A Lovely Familial Community And Dissenters Are The Problem NARRATIVE EVEN NOW? HELL NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

obviously this is hard to be objective about. this stuff is a lot less concrete than my first post, a lot more based on vibes i got, which, yknow, is why it’s not in my first post. but if anyone identifies with this, if anyone sees their own experiences in this discord reflected in mine, then it’s going to be worth the worry i’m reading too much into things, or others thinking the same of me. if i can help anyone who felt like THEY were mistreated there and weren’t sure if they were reading too much into things, then. it’s worth it. especially since the M.O. in there was ‘everything’s fine and if not we’re going to MAKE IT FINE by silencing anyone who disagrees’.

a lot of talk has been done about the censorship (word used loosely, first amendment protects from the government not from the mods etc, definitely a specific suppression of dissenting ideas though) the mods have been doing--once more i suggest @kfam-tea for receipts and screenshots. not something i feel great about, but not something i have personal experience with, so i won't speak to it. see also my first post about my interactions with the creators. it touches on the dogpiling, which i'll go into more depth on in this post. you can find it [link: here].

so. the first thing in the official discord that tipped me off about the hivemind samethink phenomenon is that the whole place is distinctly frosty on the subject of samben. that’s a post all its own, one that follows through to numbers on ao3 and whatever, but i’m not here to make a ship manifesto. suffice it to say i got attached to the ship upon listening, inhaled the (suspiciously small) ao3 tag, and was stopped in my tracks at the discord server where any implication of such ship inclinations were met with silence and pointed changes of subject.

distinctly weird. distinctly unusual fandom behavior, that i couldnt even hint around shipping the two men whose incredibly profound relationship is literally the crux of the show, who have exchanged ‘i love you’s, one of whom is confirmed gay--all other romantic entanglements aside, because when have those stopped shippers? that was weird. i realize that's maybe a bit tinfoil hat of me. it could have been the goldfish-bowl big-brother-is-watching vibe from having creators in there, except, as i said, it carries to other sites.

anyway, much more concrete was when i spoke out about my thoughts on ben’s actions in ep68. again, enough there for another post, so tl;dr: he was doing his best, he’s a good guy and a good friend, but his actions DIRECTLY outed sammy to the WHOLE town, without allowing sammy to say the words himself. it was an accident, yes, but it had tangible, harmful consequences, and even accidental harm warrants apology. it should at least be... acknowledged. at some point. by the show OR the fandom. it's a disservice to ben himself to never get the chance to own up to it.

this was an unacceptable take. i tried breaching this topic and making my case twice, and got THOROUGHLY dogpiled both times. a dozen fans crawled out of the woodwork to argue heatedly, sometimes getting quite aggressive, sometimes toeing the line of outright hostility toward me personally. definitely some downright rude messages. not once did anybody speak up to defend my right to put forward my dissenting opinion, let alone SUPPORT my argument, god forbid. ben’s were the actions of a good friend, i was told. outing someone to their whole town without giving them the chance to say it on their own terms didn't qualify as harm at all, i was told, on account of ben's heart being in the right place.

still, the opinions being argued matter less than the attitudes and behaviors. people don't have to agree with me about that ep, i don't care. i do care about being given the right to, as a single person on my own, have space to make an argument without being shouted down by a dozen people. i do care about how it fit into a greater pattern of forbidding any criticism of the show, and ben in particular, who is a good friend and therefore all of his actions are good and harmless, who is our resident heterosexual unassailable paragon of purity. which might explain the samben problem--sammy/ron[/jack] was perfectly fine, even popular, but there was never a whisper of shipping ben with anyone but emily. they're Official. theyre The Perfect Couple. don't you dare challenge that (and for the most part, i didn’t dare. i quickly learned not to).

my [link: previous post] details kyle's response to these fun events, where he specifically went out of the way to follow me being shouted into silence (a result of me being driven to literal tears and shutting down rather than invite more argument) with a warm congratulations to everybody for their conduct in this discussion. because that's the kind of conversation kyle wants to specifically and explicitly praise and encourage, i guess.

anyway. this contributed to the growing sense over my time in the discord that people held a certain distaste for me but didn’t want to say anything direct. instead they talked around me, ignored me, immediately changed the subject from my messages, the whole while bestowing constant glowing compliments on each other and endlessly repeating saccharine sentiments about what a nice family type community they were, how grateful they were for the discord being such a positive space. i suppose that’s an easy impression to get when negativity is ruthlessly suppressed (and apparently outright censored nowadays) and instead of insults or, god forbid, communication with people with whom folks might take issue, they just (more or less) silently stonewall and cold shoulder them.

again, i could be misreading cues, being egocentric or tinfoil hat by reading this pattern into how i in particular was treated. either way, the fact that i was given the fandom friday shout out the week after KFAM live was definitely... strange. fishy, even. i was already mostly out the door at that point, had been for weeks--it was actually in my last few days speaking there period. i felt strangely guilty that they would dedicate a day to me when i didn’t like being there much and hardly spoke any longer. one thing’s for sure: my congratulations were fewer and more impersonal, perfunctory, and/or generic than other fans got (i kept a screenshot). i still have no idea what to make of that one, but there you have it.

p.s.: since vagues are in vogue now apparently, i might as well mention the person who's been accused of being A Problem In The Discord For A While Now, among nastier things, which definitely is not an effort to justify kyle's passive aggressive response to their untagged post which used the phrase 'death of the author', or kyle subsequently crying on twitter about death threats because apparently he couldn't be bothered to google a basic literary analysis term and thought if he was vague enough nobody would look into what was actually said. i guess he was right, if the hundreds of asspats and outcries against The Evils Of Podcast Fan Meanies were any indication.

i digress. i just wanted to testify that the fan in question was one of maybe three or four people on the server who consistently treated me nicely and acted like they liked me. and that another fan who claimed to be uncomfortable around death-of-the-author-person was the person who came the closest to being outright nasty to me when i expressed a critical opinion. make of that what you will i guess!

p.p.s.: if i never say anything more about this whole thing or the creators’ part in it, i do want to say for the record: noah james is fully exempt from all of this and remains absolutely wonderful and a whole treasure. like dont pedestalize male creators and assume them incapable of wrongdoing etc etc but i had an hour long midnight denny’s breakfast sitting across from him and he was nothing short of an angel the whole time. sweetest guy i’ve ever met. he hasn’t breathed a word about any of this drama. he may not even know it’s going on because he’s too busy being the most beautiful and talented man in america or something. i love you noah

[ificanthaveu]

Pep Talks, Braids and Good Luck Charms || The DropBack || Shawn Mendes

Description: The homecoming game is here and Matthew and Elsie are noticing everything you hoped they wouldn’t.

A/N: completely winged this chapter since the only thing i had in my notes for it was “homecoming game, jersey” so i just kinda went with it but i’m actually super happy with how it turned out bc we got a lil bit of drama and insight as to why you are the way you are (kind of...it’s introduced at least)

Word Count: 2.2k

Catch up before you read this part: The DropBack Masterlist

“Hey, [Y/L/N],” Shawn said as he bumped his shoulder against yours as he walked up next to you in the hallway. He held up a paper in his hand with a big smile on his face. You gave him a look as you tried to see what the paper was.

“What you got there, Mendes?” You said as you motioned to the paper he held in front of you. He shrugged his shoulders as he tried to hide the smile on his face.

“Oh, nothing, no big deal. Just an A- on my Physics lab,” he said as you finally ripped the paper out of his hand. 

“You’re kidding,” you said as you smiled over at him. A blush formed on his cheeks as you flipped through his report and looked over his work and the teacher’s comments. “I can’t believe this! You did so good!” Your happiness radiated off you.

“That would be a D- if it wasn’t for you. You’ve literally saved my grade, and I can’t thank you enough,” he said as you handed him the papers back. It was your turn to blush as you looked the opposite way for a moment. 

“It’s not all me. You gotta do the work, too. And you’re trying so hard, and I’m really damn proud of you!” You said as you grabbed his arm and shook him. “Also, you only asked me, like, two questions about this lab. This was all you, hun.”

Shawn couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as you praised him for all of his hard work. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to work on his Physics grade to get into his dream college or just to make you proud. He’d let himself think it was both. 

“You nervous about tomorrow at all?” You asked as the two of you finally stopped in front of his locker. He shrugged his shoulders as he opened his locker and threw his books in there. 

“Yes and no?” He said as he looked over at you.

“Why the confusion?” You said through a giggle. He shrugged his shoulders again as he shut his locker and continued to walk with you to the library for your free period.

“I think we can beat them. Adams has been really good this year, but I think we’ve been better. But the whole team has let this get to their head, and that’s the kind of attitude that ends up with us losing the game,” Shawn rambled as he talked with his hands. “I just don’t want a loss to get in the way of our weekend.”

“And it won’t,” you said as you tried to contain your heart beating out of your chest at how he said ‘our weekend.’ You took a deep breath and continued, “I don’t care if you win or not. Of course, I want you to win, but it won’t be the end of the world if you don’t. You just gotta care about yourself. If you honestly tried your hardest, then that’s all that matters,” you said as the two of you sat down at a table in the back corner.

“You give good pep talks, [Y/L/N],” he said with that smirk on his face.

“I’ve given just a few too many in my lifetime,” you said as you pulled out your binder from your backpack. “I’d like to think I’m pretty good with words.”

“You’re really good with words. I, on the other hand, am not,” Shawn said as he gave you a look.

You rolled your eyes at him. “You are doing fantastic today with tearing yourself down. Boost that confidence, Mendes. You need it.”

“Yeah,” he trailed off as he stared down at the empty table in front of him. 

You began to work on the math assignment in front of you as you barely noticed Shawn just sitting there. 

“Will you wear my jersey?” He finally blurted out. 

You looked over at him, and you could see his hand shaking on the table. You smiled at him and nodded your head.

“Of course I will,” you said softly. “Is that really why you were so nervous?”

Shawn sighed as he leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled. You kept your laugh to yourself as he looked over at you again. “Don’t laugh,” he said as he hung his head back. 

“You’re ridiculous sometimes, Mendes. Star of the football team, heartthrob of the school, already asked me to homecoming, and you could barely ask me to wear your jersey?” You questioned as he leaned his head on his hand and looked at you.

“You make me nervous,” he said just barely loud enough for you to hear. He dropped his head into his arms on the table as you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face or the blush on your cheeks. You gave him a moment to mope before speaking up again.

“Alright, bud. We’ve got a Physics test next Wednesday, so grab your binder so we can get studying,” you said as you tapped on the back of his head. 

He groaned as he pulled out his binder and flipped to his practice problems. The two of you were silent as you both worked on the first one.

“I don’t get it,” he finally said after a few moments of silence.

“Of course you don’t,” you whispered. He shoved your shoulder lightly before you leaned over and began to explain the problem to him, but he didn’t hear a word of it. Instead, he watched as you explained it, occasionally motioning around to get your point across.

He was definitely fucked.

—

“I was told to give this to you,” Matthew said as he gave you a look and handed you the jersey in his hands. You blushed as you grabbed it out of his hands and threw it in your locker. Elsie grabbed it out before you could shut it.

“You’re wearing his jersey?” She said just a little too loud as you grabbed it back and shut it in your locker.

“God, keep it down,” you whispered to her as you pushed her away from your locker. 

“What? Everyone will see it tomorrow,” she complained.

“And it’ll look just like the jersey I wear every other time when I leave my hair down,” you told her as you avoided both of their eye contact.

“What’s your problem?” Matthew said in a slightly-too-harsh voice. 

“I like Shawn. He’s great. But I don’t want the whole damn school thinking we’re together when we’re not.”

“What’s so bad about people thinking you’re together? It’s bound to happen eventually,” Elsie said. 

“I don’t think it will,” you mumbled.

“You’re joking, right?” Matthew said through a laugh. Elsie shot him a look, and he quickly caught on to what was going on. 

Everyone stayed silent as the three of you continued walking towards the field for Matthew’s practice.

“You have to stop thinking that nothing good is ever going to come to you,” Matthew finally whispered. You were about to say something when he held his hand up and stopped you. “I get it, but it’s obvious that Shawn really likes you. Don’t push him away just because you think you don’t deserve something good.”

You didn’t say anything. It had always been an unspoken thing. Finding love, a boyfriend, someone to like you, wasn’t a thing you all talked about anymore. You snapped any time Matthew tried to set you up or Elsie questioned you about a guy you were talking to. Eventually, they just dropped it. Until Shawn showed up.

“It’s not worth it, Matthew. I know nothing is going to come of this,” you replied.

“Why can’t it?” He tested.

“It’s senior year. I just met him. We’re out of here in a few months. We’ll probably end up going to different colleges. I fuck everything up anyway. Do you need me to keep going? Or are those enough reasons?” You said to Matthew as you could feel the frustration hitting you. You started taking deep breaths to try to calm yourself down as they both stayed quiet.

“Hey, guys!” You heard from behind you as Shawn jogged up to the three of you. You plastered a smile on your face as you all said hello and acted like nothing was going on. You talked as you made your way to the field to drop Matthew and Shawn off before you and Elsie would head home.

You stood by the gate for a minute as you watched Matthew and Shawn make their way to the center of the field.

“Listen,” Elsie started.

“Don’t,” you warned. 

“No, shut up for once,” Elsie snapped. You stayed silent. “I get it. You haven’t really had many great love influences in your life, let alone a relationship of your own, but that doesn’t mean it’s completely hopeless. Yeah, it’s senior year, but who cares if he isn’t the love of your life? He can easily be a guy you date through the rest of the year and then decide your better off as friends. Not everything is as black and white as you think it is. I see you with him. You melt every time he looks at you, but any time we bring him up after he walks away, your walls go up again. You’re allowed to enjoy this.”

“That’s easy for you to say when you met the love of your life sophomore year of high school,” you said as you leaned back on the fence and kicked at the gravel. “El, I wish I could just be open to it like everyone else is, and trust me, I’ve tried, but it’s not that easy.”

Elsie threw her arm around your shoulder as the two of you began to walk to her car. 

“I know, I get it. Just don’t count Shawn out just yet.”

—

You didn’t wear your hair down the next day. Instead, you put it into two braids down your back, so everyone could tell that it wasn’t your last name across your jersey. Even if you didn’t believe this, you were at least going to show everyone you were making an effort. 

The school was loud that morning. Everyone was buzzing about plans for that night and for the rest of the weekend. Your school colors were extra everywhere as everyone dressed in them as well as decorated the walls. 

You walked up to Elsie and Matthew, and you obviously saw the look they gave each other when they noticed the jersey and the hair. 

“Don’t say anything,” you warned. 

“I would never,” Matthew said as he gave you the sweetest smile. 

You felt an arm around your shoulder and looked up to see Shawn. He winked at you.

“There’s something different about you. Is that a new jersey?” 

“Oh, this old thing? Nope, same one I’ve worn every game for the past three years,” you teased as he rolled his eyes at you. The bell rang, and Elsie slammed her locker and motioned for you to go to first period. 

“You look good in my jersey, [Y/L/N],” he yelled after you as you walked away. You turned around and looked at him as he leaned against the locker and waited for Matthew. 

“Thanks, Mendes,” you said before turning around, your braids ending up over your shoulders, with ‘Mendes’ completely visible. 

—

This was not an easy game. You and Elsie have been gripping each other's hands for most of it as the score kept going back and forth. As much as you didn’t want this to impact tomorrow, you knew Matthew and Shawn would take this to heart.

There were thirty seconds left of the final quarter, and Monroe was down by six. All they had to do was make the touchdown and the extra point, and they’d have the game. 

You kept your eyes on Shawn as the quarterback yelled ‘hut,’ and he darted to the far corner of the end zone. Everything went in slow motion as the quarterback threw the ball towards Shawn. Like a movie, Shawn caught it perfectly, and the stands erupted. 

You and Elsie couldn’t stop screaming as you jumped up and down with the rest of the student section. 

The kicker scored the extra point, and you and Elsie were sprinting to the exit to wait for Matthew and Shawn. 

Matthew came out first, sprinting towards Elsie as she jumped into his arms and non-stop congratulated him. You were obviously distracted until you felt an arm wrap around your waist from behind, lift you up and spin you around. A laugh erupted from your chest as Shawn finally set you down, and you turned and saw his beaming smile. You reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him with all your strength. 

“And with the game-winning touchdown, number 55, Shawn Mendes!” You yelled and imitated the announcer as Shawn laughed at you. 

He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close to him, your chest pressed against his. 

“I’m thinking that you in my jersey must be my good luck charm,” he said low enough so just you could hear it. You rolled your eyes at him and shoved his chest.

“You’ve won every other game this season,” you said. It was his turn to roll his eyes at you. 

“Must just be the number.”

Reblog! Comment! Send me an ask! A message! I need love and validation!

Honestly, y’all ASK ME QUESTIONS like I love talking about my writing with you guys so if you’re confused or love a certain character or want to know my inspo for things PLEASE PLEASE SEND ME AN ASK I LOVE THAT SHIT AND I GET SO EXCITED OK LOVE U

tags: @peacedolantwins2 @shawn-youth @t-holland2080 @feliciaceciliamariajacobsson @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @particularnervous @mariamuses @shawnsvlogsquad @theetherealbloom @innocentb3an @haute-shawn @gigi-maria-argu @athenamikaelson @marvelousmendess @madon566 @thewackywriter @shawnwyr @kitty084 

Message me, send me an ask or reply to be added to the tag list!!

[horansqueenandpaynesqueen]

Next-Door Neighbours : Chapter Eleven

A Liam Fanfic, A Niall Fanfic, MA Rating

New neighbours, new drama. Sometimes what you need is the last thing you’re looking for.

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 ||

+NOTES+

1- This fic is written by Julie ( @paynesqueen​ ) & Livia ( @horansqueen​ ) 2- Julie will write the odd chapters and Livia the even chapters 3- This fic will have romance, drama and smut.

Chapter Eleven by Julie (paynesqueen)

It was everything she thought it would be like and she hated that; she wished he had been a bad kisser or that there wouldn’t have been any sparks when he kissed her. But the moment his lips crashed on hers, she was lost. The kiss was long due and it showed as he pulled her to him and she just melted into it. It took a moment before she finally pushed him away and succeeded to put some distance between.

“This can’t happen again, Liam.” She said licking her lips. “You’re with Lisa and that’s that.”

“Just like that? Julie there is something between us. Aren’t you just a bit curious to see where it could lead? Why do you always have to be scared of what you can’t control?” He exclaimed annoyed with her reluctance.

“This isn’t about that, Liam. If things would have been different maybe we could... but now we can’t. We just can’t.”

“Give me one good reason that isn’t because I’m with Lisa. As much as it would suck for me to dump her days after getting back together, I think that you’re making this a bigger issue than it is.” He argued.

“Because I helped Lisa winning you back.” She shouted.

For a moment, Liam just stared at her without saying anything. He expected a lot of replies from her, but never this one. He was trying to make sense of what she just said. There was no way she could have done what she said, right?

“H-how?” That’s all he could let out.

“She came by the building a few days after you moved in. She introduced herself to me wondering if I knew who you were. Told her yes and that we were sort of like new friends. We ended up talking and she told me what happened between the two of you and she really wanted you back so I offered to help her. I mean, I didn’t tell her what to do or say, but I tried to give her some advices.” She answered him as she paced the sidewalk.

He grabbed her hand to stop her and she looked at him. He didn’t ask why she did because he knew the reasons; the same reasons she has given him since they first met: she didn’t believe in relationships.

“Imagine you dumping her and she ends up finding out it was because of me. No, I can’t be the reason you decided to end things. You need to go through with that second chance, Liam. I don’t know the future, but I know Lisa and you deserve to see it to the end; no matter what is that end. That’s why this can’t happen again.”

She withdrew her hand from his and ran into the building. He just stood there watching her until he could no longer see her. He understood her point of view, but it didn’t matter. He wanted to be with Julie and that no matter what happened, he knew his future wasn’t going to be with Lisa. He took out his cell and dialled the number he knew by heart.

++++

A few days had passed and Julie felt like a car had run over her. She had called in sick not feeling like being surrounded by people, especially happy couples booking their romantic getaway. Yes, it was petty but right now, she just felt numb and didn’t want to deal with anything. She hated feeling this way for a guy she had known for a short period of time. She was sitting on the couch just staring in space when her sister appeared in her view. Livia had been trying to get her to talk, but she clammed up. She wasn’t ready to talk about the mess she was in; a mess she created but still.

“I could cancel you know. Louis would understand.”

If Livia ended up not going to this weekend getaway with Louis because of her, her best friend was so going to kill her. Plus, she really didn’t need a sitter. Being alone was what she did best after all.

“No. You are going with Louis. I’m a big girl, Liv. I’ll get over it.” She assured her.

“Julz, I have never seen you like this before and even though I know its normal behavior, it’s scarier when it comes from a sister who always acted like she had a cold heart.” She had argued.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Just need some time for myself. I’ll be back to be the cold hearted one before you know it.”

“I hope not. I want you to be happy and I think it’s time that you let someone make you happy. I mean, maybe it won’t be Liam, but you deserve someone who will sweep you off your feet.”

“So do you, sis. I hope you find the answer you’re searching for.” Julie replied before hugging her. “Now go before Louis actually believes you changed your mind.”

And with that, Livia was gone and now the apartment felt emptier. She sat on the couch wondering which movie marathon she was going to indulge herself with for the weekend when her phone rang. She saw Liam’s name on it and she quickly turned off her cell. Liam had called her a few times since that night, but she ignored each of his calls.

She needed time to be able to pull herself back into some kind of protective shell. She was willing to admit that she often wanted to say screw it and just go to Liam and ask him to break things up with Lisa, but she restrained herself. She felt like she was punishing herself for her role in this story. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so afraid of what he could do to her walls, maybe she and Liam would be somewhat casually dating right now or maybe not. Maybe they would have slept together and be done with it.

She was debating between eating ice cream and making a pizza when there was a knock on the door. When she opened it, she stood there frozen.

“Hey Julie!” Lisa said. “Mind if I come in?”

Julie’s heart was suddenly beating faster and as she tried to put on her poker face, she let Liam’s girlfriend in. She wasn’t sure what she was doing at her place and she really hoped it wasn’t for more advices because she didn’t think she would be able to do so.

“What’s going on?”

“Liam broke up with me because of you.” She went straight to the point.

“I-”

“Don’t bother with you didn’t do anything and all that crap. I know you didn’t. It is how it is and Liam explained to me your situation. I mean, I can’t blame you for falling for Liam no more than I can blame you because Liam fell for you. I just wanted to make things clear with you.” She added. “We talked for hours after he told me and I realized that we both held on to this second chance for the wrong reasons. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt or that I no longer love him, but I think that this second chance was never meant to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Look Julie I’m not gonna lie that when he told me why he was breaking up with me, I was mad at you. I was ready to come here and hit you for lying to me. I was fucking upset about it, but Liam explained to me and I’m not saying that I’m totally cool with you, but I can understand your reasons for helping me.” She sighed. “By helping me, you were helping yourself to avoid having to deal with your feelings.”

“When I helped you, Lisa, I didn’t even know what I felt for Liam. To be honest, I knew it was stronger than what I usually allowed myself to feel, but I didn’t know just how much. When you came to me, I only knew him for a few days and the way he spoke about you, I knew he still loved you so I thought it was my chance to make sure I wouldn’t have to find out. It hit me pretty hard just how much I did care about him when I learned you two got back together. I’m still not sure what to do with it. I didn’t want to be the reason you two broke-up.”

Lisa let out a small laugh; “But you are. I mean, he told me how you fought him about how he should be staying with me and all that crap, but in the end, it wouldn’t have done us any good to continue being together when all he thought about was you. I know you wanted to do the right thing, but honestly, if Liam hadn’t decided to ignore your demand, we might have had a worse break-up than the first one.”

She might have been right, but Julie really believed in what she told Liam that night. Right now, she wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad that he didn’t listen to her. She felt so exposed and she didn’t like it one bit. She wasn’t used anymore to show her raw emotions.

“Look, I’m not here to give you my blessings because it’s really isn’t up to me what happens next between you two, but I wanted to let you know that I knew. Because knowing Liam, he was probably going to forget to tell you that and I feared that you wouldn’t give him a chance if you thought you were betraying me or something.” Lisa went on. “So overall, the reason why I came over is to make sure that all of this wasn’t for nothing.”

Julie looked down at her hands because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know whether she was relief or not that it was all in the open like this.

“I don’t know what happened to you or if something happened to you for you to fear relationships so badly, but if there is only one advice I can give you is that Liam is worth getting over your fear. So next time, just answer his calls or better yet, go to him.”

And with that Lisa left her apartment. Julie stood in the middle of her living room for a while after she was gone. For the first time since she met Liam, there was nothing actually stopping her from pursuing this besides her own fears. But Lisa was probably right; she should give Liam a chance. Maybe it wasn’t going to last since the sexual tension had been so present that maybe once it’s gone, Liam and her won’t have anything left keeping them together. She snorted, slightly aware that she was sure fishing for a new reason to not go knock on his door.

“I guess if I’m going to see Liam, I better shower.”

++++

Liam was growing more and more impatient, but Lisa told him to trust her and even though most normal guys wouldn’t trust their ex-girlfriends to help out, he trusted Lisa. He just hated not knowing how she planned to help him out with Julie. He called Julie quite a few times since that kiss and each time, he wanted to tell her that it was over with Lisa; that he chose her, but he didn’t want it to be said over the some voicemail. He wanted to tell her in person.

Telling Lisa everything had been hard. It was a really long conversation that he hopes he never has to redo. He could tell that she went through a lot of emotions. She cussed him and she cried and eventually, she seemed somewhat at peace with his decision. It was probably the most honest talk they ever had. He hadn’t asked for her help with Julie, but she insisted. She promised that she wasn’t trying to double cross him and he believed her. A part of him would always love her that’s for sure, but his heart was fully open for a new beginning; one he hoped was going to be with Julie.

He was seconds of just saying fuck off and going to knock on Julie’s door when there was a knock on his. He never got up so quickly in his life to answer the door. Julie stood on the other side looking so unsure that it made him feel even more nervous of the outcome.

“Hi!” She said. “Can I come in?”

He didn’t say anything, but he opened the door wider and she came in. She looked so unease that he feared why she was there.

“Lisa came to see me today.” She finally spoke. “Told me you told her that I was the reason you were breaking up with her which I might say was really a stupid move of your part.”

“I’m so-” He started and then realized he was not sorry. He had said what he had said; “No, I’m not sorry actually. You were once again deciding what you thought was best for me without even thinking that maybe continuing my relationship with Lisa was a big mistake. I’m crazy about you or at least you drive me enough crazy that you’re all I’m thinking about. I don’t know what the future looks like. Maybe in a week, we would be both bored out of our mind with each other, but I’d like to try and see where it could lead us. So no, I’m really am not sorry that I broke up with Lisa and told her the reason why.”

She didn’t say anything and he hated it. He couldn’t read her face at that moment and it felt like an eternity before she finally did something. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she let her gesture say what she couldn’t say. When she pulled his face towards her, he showed no resistance; wanting this kiss as much as her. This kiss was just as intense, as demanding as their first one. His hands found their way around her waist and closing any gap that could still be between their bodies, deepening the kiss. Soon enough though, he needed more than just kiss her and he was fairly certain that she felt the same way. He lowered his hand until they reached her bum and in a quick movement, lifted her from the ground. With some uncoordinated moves, he succeeded to bring them to his bedroom where he lowered them on the bed.

He groaned against her mouth as he was dry humping her like an eager teenager. He wanted her so badly that he didn’t know where to start. He wanted to be inside her so much, but he also wanted her to beg for him. She seemed just has in a hurry as him to get this started as her hands grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull it off.

He pulled away to help out and as he looked at her, he knew he needed to hear her say the words. He needed to know for sure if only to know that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

“So we are trying?”

“We’re trying.” She smiled before pulling him back over her.

[cctinsleybaxter]

2019 in books

The year’s contenders for the good, the bad, and the rest. I used to make a list of the ten best books I read all year, a tradition encouraged by my mom as far back as high school, but out 2019′s twenty-six mediocre offerings it didn’t really come together. Instead I’ve decided to break my ‘honorable mentions’ category into three subsections that I hope you’ll enjoy. In order of when read, not in order of affection:

Honorable mentions [books I liked; 3+ star material]

The Fifth Season by N.K Jemisin was given to me as a Christmas present last year, and I wasn’t sure how much I would like it since I don’t really do high fantasy. Rules need not apply; I loved the world building and narrative structure, and the characters were so much better than I’m used to even when their arcs seemed familiar at first glance. I guessed what was going on with the formatting maybe a little too quickly, but even then it was emotionally engaging and I was eager to keep reading and see what happened next. Haven’t devoured a book that way in years.

The Periodic Table by Primo Levi has been on my list for a while; as a memoir told through short stories it’s hit-or-miss, but so worth it. I especially loved getting to read his early attempts at fiction, and the chapter Phosphorus regarding his first real job as a chemist in 1942 (his description of his absolute disgust at having to work with rabbits, the feel of their fur and the “natural handle” of the ears is a personal favorite.) This excerpt is one I just think about a lot because it’s full of small sweet details and so kindly written:

“[my father] known to all the pork butchers because he checked with his logarithmic ruler the multiplication for the prosciutto purchase. Not that he purchased this last item with a carefree heart; superstitious rather than religious, he felt ill at ease breaking the kasherut rules, but he liked prosciutto so much that, faced by the temptation of a shop window, he yielded every time, sighing, cursing under his breath, and watching me out of the corner of his eye, as if he feared my judgement or hoped for my complicity.”

Slowing Down from Mouthful of Birds by Samanta Schweblin is a one-page short story, but I’m including it because it’s the best in the book and one of the better stories I’ve read in general. I won’t spoil it for you since it’s more poem than anything else (and you can read the whole thing here.)

A Short Film About Disappointment by Joshua Mattson deserves to be lower in the order because it’s like. Bad. But I couldn’t help but have a self-indulgent kind of love for it, since it’s a book about white boy ennui told through movie reviews. It definitely gets old by the end (one of those things where you can tell the author lost steam just as much as his leading man), but parts of it are so well-written and the concept clever. 80+ imaginary movie reviews and psychosomatic possession by your traitorous best friend. 

The Gone-Away World by Nick Harkaway has one of the greatest twists I’ve ever read in a novel, and no that’s not a spoiler, and yes I will recommend it entirely on that basis. It does its job as a multi-year sci-fi epic; reminds me a lot of Walter Moer’s early stuff in that it’s a bit Much(tm) but still a good mixture of politics and absurdity and absolute characters. Tobemory Trent was my favorite of the ensemble cast (but also boy do I wish men would learn how to write women.)

My Only Wife by Jac Jemk is a novella with only two characters, both unnamed, a man describing fragmented memories of his wife. It has me interested in Jemck’s other writing because even though I didn’t love it she writes beautifully; reading her work is like watching someone paint. The whole thing has a very indie movie feel to it (no scene of someone peeing but there SHOULD be), which I don’t think I’ve experienced in a story like this before and would like to try again. 

Mentions [books I really wanted to like but my GOD did something go wrong]

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou is the most comprehensive history we have of Elizabeth Holmes and her con-company Theranos. It’s incredibly well-researched and absolutely fascinating, but veers into unnecessary pro-military stuff in one chapter (’can you believe she tricked the government?’ yes i can, good for her, leave me alone) and carries an air of racism directed at Holmes’ partner and the Pakistani people he brings onto the company. Carreyrou works for WSJ so I don’t know what I expected.

Circe by Madeline Miller was fun to read and goes down like a glass of iced tea on a hot day, but leaves a bit of an unpleasant aftertaste. It says a lot of things that seem very resonant and beautiful but ultimately ring hollow, and the ending is too safe. Predictable and inevitable. 

I was also bothered about Circe’s relationships with Odysseus and Telemachus as a focal point, not because they’re father and son (Greek mythology ethics : non-committal hand gesture) but because it’s the traditional “I used to like bold men but now I like... sensitive men.” Which as a character arc feels not unrealistic but very boring. You close the book and realize you’re not nine and reading your beat-up copy of Greek Myths, you’re an adult reading a New York Times Bestseller by a middle aged straight white woman.

Reservoir 13 by Jon McGregor could have been the best thing I read all year and I’m miserable at how bad it ended up being. The concept is excellent; a thirteen-year-old girl goes missing in a rural English village, and every chapter chronicles a passing year. I knew it would be slow, I like slow, but nothing happens in this book and it ends up it feeling like Broadchurch without the detectives. Plus, McGregor, you know sometimes you can take a moral stance in your story and not just make everything a grey area? Especially with subplots that deal with things like pedophilia and institutional racism?

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor is about a twenty-something who moves from Iowa to San Francisco in the 90s and explores gender and sexuality through shapeshifting. It was something I really thought I would like and maybe even find helpful in my own life, but I couldn’t stand a single one of the characters or the narration so that’s on me! It does contain one of my favorite lines I’ve read in a long time though:

“And anyway, weren’t French boys supposed to be like Giovanni, waiting gaily for you in their rented room and actually Italian?”

Dishonorable mentions [there’s no saving these fellows]

The Butterfly Garden by Dot Hutchinson was supposed to be a fun easy-to-read thriller and what can I say except what the jklfkhlkj;fkfuck. It very quickly goes from ‘oh hey I read books like this when I was 15’ to ‘oh the girl who intentionally gets kidnapped by a wealthy serial killer is accidentally falling in love with his son and can’t stop talking about his eye color now huh.’ I felt like I was losing my mind; why did grown adults give this 5 stars on Goodreads.

The Beautiful Bureaucrat by Helen Phillips is supposedly surrealist horror fiction about working an office job in a new town, and reminded me of that rocky third or fourth year when I really started hating Welcome to Night Vale. All spark no substance, and even less fun because you know it’s going nowhere. I’ve also realized this past year that I cannot stand stories about women where their only personality trait is the desire to have children. People will throw the word ‘Kafkaesque’ at anything but here it was just insulting. 

The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai alternates point of view between Yale, a gay man living in Chicago in the late 80s and watching his friends die, and Fiona, the straight younger sister of one of those friends now looking for her erstwhile daughter in 2018. It was nominated for the 2018 Pulitzer, and part of my interest was in wondering how we were going to connect the plot lines of ‘the personal cost of the AIDS crisis’ with ‘daughter lost to a cult.’

The answer is that we don’t. The book is well-researched and acclaimed beyond belief, but it is SUCH a straight story. Yale’s arc is fueled by the drama of his boyfriend cheating on him and infecting them both, Fiona is painted as a witness to tragedy and encouraged to share their stories with her own daughter. “You’re like the Mother Theresa of Boys Town” one of the men complains bitterly of her, and the claim goes undisputed. It’s a story that makes a lot of statements about love and families and art that I feel we’ve all heard before to much greater effect.

[fortisfiliae]

Against the Odds - Part 3 [James Potter x reader]

Prompt: College AU ❃ Jocks are disgusting. Too good looking, too aware of it, too drunk and too dumb. Or so you thought. This is the third part for @marvelcapsicle‘s writing challenge.

A/n:  Since tumblr doesn’t show posts with links in the tags anymore, you can find previous parts on my masterlist, linked in my bio.   If you need to zoom in on the texts just click on the picture to do so. GIF is not mine.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual themes, fluff and a curly devil that will hunt your dreams

Word count: 3.2k

Part 3 - You up?

Thursday:

Half past nine in the evening, you had just typed the last word of your essay for English class and had clicked on the save-symbol when Louise entered your room, along with her boyfriend Mike. He was a frat guy. Jockish as hell. Maybe one of the reasons you hadn’t liked those type of guys.

You weren't sure why they had decided to come to your and Louise’s room – it was certainly too small to miss anything the other person said or did and Louise had told you countless times how lucky Mike was to have a room for himself at the frat. 

Anyway, you weren't going to ask them because they had decided to watch a movie on Louise's laptop and after arguing for twenty minutes, had finally picked something out. 

You were on your phone, texting with Remus, who had just started telling you things about his personal life and that he would go to the cinema with Sirius in a bit when you suddenly heard suspicious huffing from across the room. You turned over and caught Louise and Mike kissing. Vigorously. Not only that, but things were moving underneath their blanket and it didn't look like they were folding their hands to pray.

“Guys,” you said. “You know I can hear and see you from here.”

No answer. They just ignored you.

“Louise! What the fuck are you doing?”

She tore herself away from her boyfriend and took a breath before answering: “Sorry, Y/N. But you must know, I've just gotten off my period and we haven't-”

“Oh my god. Shut up, please. You can't be serious. Why don't you-”

Before you could finish your sentence, her mouth was on his again and now it seemed that she was climbing onto him.

“Hello?”

They ignored you again and now you heard something unzipping.

“That's it,” you said as you got up. “I'm leaving. And fuck you both. Or don't. Whatever.”

You rushed out the room and stood in the hallway, already typing a text to Remus, trying to ask him if he could help you out. Wait. He was going out with Sirius. So that wasn't an option. Shit. You walked over to the common room and sat down on one of the mouldy couches. Looking across the area you stared at the microwave for a minute, contemplating if sleeping here was the only alternative you had. Oh please no. It was gross and cold and people would notice. There was someone else you knew. Not that you preferred that. But it was worth a try, wasn't it?

So, yeah. Awkward.  

Oh god. Stupid. No one would believe that. Was there a way to unsend texts?

Okay, okay. Okay! Keep calm. You took a deep breath, smelling even more of the gunk that had built up on the kitchen counter, and stood up. Everything was better than spending the night between the remnants of pizza and hot pockets. You caught yourself walking in circles and finally brought up the courage to leave the dorm.

It was chilly outside, but you enjoyed the cool breeze as you stood on the pavement and pressed the front of your shoe into the concrete until it hurt. A car turned up on the far end of the street. Blinding headlights came closer with the engine revving until it slowed down and stopped right in front of you. A black and sleek Audi whatever-model. Rich parents – what else had you expected?

Last chance to run back in. He could still be a serial killer, right? But he had brought you a sandwich yesterday. Were you really just using food as refutation?  

The window rolled down and James' curly head poked out. “You coming?”

Well, curly hair and a sub would do as refutation for tonight.

You got in, closed the door and belted up before you finally looked over.

“Hi,” you said hesitantly.

“Hey. So... Drama at the dorm?”

“Yeah. And I’m sorry. That I asked you for this, you know.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I was at the bar and wanted to go home anyway. Actually, I'm glad you did.”

He put in the gear, started driving and looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t. There was a tiny smile on his lips that could only make you guess what he was thinking before you put your eyes on the road.

“So um... Who’s your roommate then? Do I know her boyfriend?” James asked after a while.

“Her name’s Louise. Her boyfriend is Mike. Mike um, Broogler or something? A frat guy, I’m sure you know him.”

“Brockler, yeah I know him. A frat guy, huh?” he grinned.

“He is a guy and part of the fraternity. Frat guy.”

“The way you say it makes it sound like that’s something bad.”

He was obviously joking, the tone of his voice still light and cheery, but there could have been a bit of truth behind his words.

“I didn’t mean it that way. Sorry if I hurt your feelings,” you said. “Frat guy.”

He chuckled as he backed into a parking space in front of the fraternity. “Frat guy is saving your ass tonight, so a bit more respect please.”

“Sorry mister frat guy, sir. I apologize.”

You followed James into the house, which had all the lights off and was empty, contrary to your prior beliefs.

“Boys are all out at the bar. Except for Mike,” he quipped.

The house looked completely different than it had when you were at the party. Classy and strict, a lot of old dark wood embellished the floors and furniture.  You peeked into the living room and it was actually quite cosy without the beer pong table and blaring music.

James walked up to the wide staircase on the end of the hallway and turned around. “Rooms are upstairs.”

“Uh yeah, I figured.”

So there it was. The moment you had to tell him that you hadn’t intended the same thing he maybe had thought of. There was a nasty lump in your throat. How should you bring it up? Maybe he wasn’t even thinking about it and you would just burst in with the unasked-for info that you didn’t want to sleep with him tonight.

“Hey um,” James began. “Just so you know, I won’t try anything. I can sleep in the living room if you want.”

God bless.  

“Thanks,” you said and felt a wave of heat on your cheeks. Where has your confidence gone? Get a grip.  

“Okay, let me show you my room then,” James said and offered his hand.

He led you up to the first floor that had doors to the bedrooms all around. They all had the initials of their names on the doors. His one was the third in line. JP in gold with a little lightning bolt next to it.

You pointed at it and asked: “What does that stand for?”

“I’m fast,” he said and smiled smugly. “Everyone in the team gets a nickname.”

“And yours is Bolt?” you asked as he opened the door.

“Flash,” he winked. “Excuse the mess.”

James went to pick up a bunch of dirty clothes from the floor. “I wasn’t expecting visitors.”

“No big deal, it’s not so bad.”

It really wasn’t so bad. The room was probably the same size as your shared one was, but with a private bathroom. The dream. His bed stood in the corner of the room - white sheets, very chic. On the opposite side was a sideboard with a medium sized TV on it, next to it was the door to the bathroom. His desk stood right by the window, a wardrobe to its left, a small fridge to its right. He’d hung lots of little photos of him and his friends and football fan articles on the walls. It was a bit messy, but it had character.

“Your room is really nice,” you said as you walked around and looked at the pictures.

“Thanks! Make yourself at home. I’m just putting the clothes away and I’m gonna take a shower real quick, I still smell like bar.”

“Sure.”

He closed the door to the bathroom behind himself and left you alone in his room. High level of trust. As you heard him turn on the water you walked over to the other side slowly, letting your fingers run over the sheets of the bed when you went by.

On the sideboard with the TV was his football helmet, freshly cleaned and shiny as a new penny. You noticed a small ball lying right beside it. The one he had gotten at the blood drive yesterday. It still had dents from his fingernails all over it. Looked like he had been more nervous than you’d thought. You smiled and dug your own finger into it, leaving one additional notch, before trying to switch on the TV. It would be nice to have some background sounds and avoid awkward silence later, but the remote was nowhere to be seen.

After looking at the sideboard, his desk and bed you went for the nightstand. Intrusive? Probably, but maybe it was in there.

You sat down on the bed and opened the drawer. No remote. But some other things. A small notebook and a nibbled off pen, as well as a framed picture of two people. They looked like husband and wife - both had grey hair, were probably in their seventies and smiled kindly into the camera. His grandparents? Well, since it was in there and not on the wall, he probably didn't want to talk about it.

You closed the drawer and swung your legs up onto the bed. Sitting, waiting, wishing. Wishing for confidence and poise and that your palms wouldn't start sweating every time James looked at you. Right now it felt like his whole room was staring you down. Like it was eating you up. But not in a bad way, it was a welcoming feeling to sit there and gaze over the bits and bobs of his belongings.

When you noticed that the water had stopped running you took out your phone to try and look like you hadn't been spying. A few moments later James returned in a plain white shirt and grey sweatpants. Quite the look on him admittedly. His hair was still wet, some drops of water running down the side of his face to his jawline and even further down to his chin. God damn, you couldn't take your eyes off him. He must have done this on purpose.

“You good here?” he asked as he ran his hand through the wet mess on his head.

“Uh-huh, I am. Was trying to find the remote, but didn't.”

“Oh um. I think I know where it is,” James said and threw himself onto the bed, half lying, half crawling and stuck his arm under the pillow. “There we go.”

He turned on the TV and switched channels for a while until he stopped on the news. The news?! You both sat in silence pretending to be interested in whatever the reporter was talking about. Note to self: There can be awkward silence even if you have background sound.

Trying to think of something to say turned out to be harder than you'd thought. What do you talk about with a guy that had taken you home because you had asked him to, while he lay next to you, smelling like a pinewood full of sunshine and fairies? The fact that there was an inch of skin showing between his shirt and pants wasn’t helping either.

“So-” - “Do you-”

After minutes of silence, you had both decided to start talking in the same second. Both of you laughed at your mutual awkwardness and James sat up straight.

“Sorry, what did you want to say?” he asked.

“Nothing really,” you admitted. “I was just... I don't know. Go on, please.”

He grinned like he was glad that you were more nervous than him. Looked like it gave him a confidence boost. As if he needed one.

“I wanted to say that I can give you clothes to sleep in. You didn’t bring anything in your handbag, did you?”

“No, I didn't really have time to pack when I was running from the fucking in my room. But it's fine, you don't -”

“Oh, come on,” he said. “You don't want to sleep in jeans. No one wants that.”

“Yeah, I guess I don't.”

He crawled off from the bed and walked over to the wardrobe. “I'm afraid I don't have anything sexy,” he joked. “But a frat shirt will do I think.”

He laid it down next to you before sitting on the bed again.

“Thanks, James. I'm gonna go change in the bathroom.”

“Sure. I put out a toothbrush too if you want to brush your teeth.”

What a mom.

The bathroom was small but still better than one on the hallway. You took off your clothes and put on the shirt James had given you. It looked huge on you. Dark red with the fraternity name Kappa Delta Rho on it, it reached almost down to your knees, like a really unflattering dress. It was soft and smelled nice though. Not like pine wood and fairies, but sweeter. Clean, fresh cotton with a hint of washed out cologne. 

The toothbrush he had been talking about laid next to the sink, still unpacked and new. Did a stock of dental hygiene products mean he had people here often?

After you were done in the bathroom you went back to James' room, where he was lying on his bed again, watching TV with one hand behind his head, the other one tucked into his waistband. This time, it seemed he couldn’t take his eyes off you. A dumbfounded expression on his face as you walked towards him and the way he eyed you up and down made you instantly feel better about yourself. There was your confidence boost and you had very much needed it.

He cleared his throat when you sat down on the bed. “Well. If you want to sleep now I can go downstairs and -”

“No,” you interrupted him, maybe a bit too eagerly.

“Sorry?”

“I… I think you can stay. If you want. I mean, it’s your room. That wouldn’t be fair, to invite myself over and send you down to sleep on the couch.”

“Oh.” He looked more confused now, his hand wandered to the back of his neck. “I mean yeah. I’m glad to stay if you want that.”

You smiled, lifted the blanket to crawl underneath it and lay down sideways to face him. “I think that’s what I want, yes.”

He got under the blanket as well and said: “We can watch a movie if you want.”

Half an hour into “Baby Driver”, you had caught James looking at you twice. But the only reason you caught him was that you had looked over as well. It was absurd really, how every move he made got your heart rate up to 180. Every time he breathed in deeply or stretched out his legs you thought he would reach over and hold your hand. And suddenly, after checking his phone, he did. You were so focused on coming off relaxed that you didn’t even grip it back. It must have felt like you were dead until you remembered that you weren’t. You held his palm tighter and felt his thumb running over the side of your index finger, which made your stomach tingle.

“James?” you asked.

“Yes?”

“You’re really nice. I mean really,” you said even though you didn’t know where those words were coming from. “You know at first I thought you were just this guy, screaming with a beer keg on his shoulder. And I thought you were cocky, which… You are when I think about it.”

He laughed lowly. “That started as a compliment and ended as an insult.”

“I know, sorry” you bantered. “But you’ve been a real gentleman, very sweet and respectful and I didn’t expect that. Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, wearing a smile that showed he was really full of himself right then, but that didn’t matter because his face neared yours now.

A kiss so sweet, it would have literally swept you off your feet if you hadn’t been lying down already. His lips, soft and mellow, skimmed over your own and it felt like listening to music; easy and pleasant as you found your rhythm and moved to the imaginary beat. His damp hair tickled your forehead until a simple peck brought your song to an end and a foolish grin seemed to refine it.

“How does it feel?” he asked after some seconds of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Being in a frat, wearing a frat-shirt, kissing a frat guy in his frat-bed?”

“Oh shut up,” you laughed pushed him off by his shoulder.

He countered and started tickling you, to which you started screaming, turned around and kicked his legs.

“Whoa, easy Rambo,” James chortled and held you tight.

“No mercy for a tickler,” you answered and let your hand rest on his arm. “You’re a fool, James. I like you.”

The next time you opened your eyes was when a ray of sunshine beamed right into your face. You tried to shift but couldn’t until you noticed that James’ arm was still around your waist and held onto you even in his sleep. His breaths were slow and deep, his skin soft on yours and you could have easily spent the rest of your day in this position.

That was until you took your phone from the nightstand and checked the time. 9:17! Shit. You had forgotten to set an alarm last night and your first class started at 10. You had to leave right now, or you wouldn’t make it on time. So you shuffled away from his grip, got up, put your clothes on and went out the door.

While on your way to the dorm you took the time to shoot James a message:

Feedback & comments are always highly appreciated. Let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged :)

Permanent tags:  @geeksareunique @ren-ela @marauderskeeper @way-obsessed5 @oreofrappiewithblueberry @draqcnheartstrinq @dogfatherpads @whatisthisthingcalledlife @obscurilicious @maralisa124 @theseuscmander @siriuslyimmoony @theboywhocriedlupin @igotmadskills @emi-loser @diggorysghost @jamcspotters @thisismysecrethappyplace @vulpecula-minor @snarledblack @swellwriting @fandomtravels @heartbeats-wildly @maraudersmyloves 

Against The Odds tags:  @lolingggatu @sly-vixen-up2nogood @axielle-suson @sweetlyshinylady @igotmadskills @harrypotterimmaginaa @yourhufflepufftrash @eastcoasthaven @tired-eyes-fairylights @reducto-bitch  @portkeys-and-prose

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Worst of 2019 (So Far)

And now we get to the opposite of yesterday’s post: the worst of what we’ve seen so far. Time to give them a proper thrashing before they (hopefully) fade into obscurity. Disappointingly, there's a general lack of films that were bad but in an interesting way. Mostly, it’s either been the same sorta dreck we usually get with a couple of unusually offensive stories and a couple of soul-crushingly bad superhero flicks. Curious? Read on.

10. Serenity

I like to save my #10 spot on the “Worst of” list for a movie that has a chance of becoming a favorite among those who love bad movies. Serenity is competently enough made that it does not belong in the same category as The Identical or Runaway. It’s another kind of bad movie, the kind that baffles anyone who sees it and who will have film historians scratching their heads in the future. It’s not quite on the same level as 2017’s “The Book of Henry” but close. Top-notch actors at the top of their career in a story so poorly conceived it would’ve been brilliant if it weren’t awful and utterly absurd.

The revelation that everything we've been seeing is actually part of a video game programmed by an angry teen who hates his abusive father, and that his actions are tied to those of Matthew McConaughey's character is the kind of nutty decision someone at some point should've questioned. My advice? Surprise some unsuspecting friends with it. Periodically pause the movie so they can write down how they think it'll all fit together and then watch their faces as they're proved wrong.

9. After

I’m not going to remember After down the line so this is my opportunity to give it another flogging. I can’t believe fan-fictions of real people is a real thing and that one of them was deemed legitimate and popular enough to be turned into a movie. It plays out like the clone of a clone of a clone of Twilight. At least that movie had danger in the form of vampires and werewolves. This has nothing to offer except embarrassing drama and a prepubescent’s idea of what romance and love look like. I saw it in the theater with a friend and thank goodness she was there; it made what would've been a chore... slightly more bearable.

8. Dumbo

I’ve already gone on about how I feel about Disney’s string of live-action remakes. For the most part, they fail to validate their own existences; they’re just copies of the original but with “real” actors dancing around animated backgrounds, objects and locations instead of everything being traditionally animated. Dumbo isn’t like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. It does try new things. It diverges from the source material significantly in the worst way. The titular character winds up playing second banana to a bunch of circus performers no one cares about and in the end didn’t contain an inkling of the emotion the 1941 version did.

7. Dark Phoenix

This one’s a triple-whammy. Not only was it a deeply disappointing way for Fox’s X-Men series to end, it retreaded old material in a way that was worse than X-Men 3: The Last Stand AND it was a box office bomb. By the time the story finally comes alive… it’s just about over. The whole thing feels like a mistake, bringing in aliens and asking us to invest in characters we just haven’t had enough time to fall in love with. Makes me wonder what the future of the characters is going to be like. Yes there are a number of heroes and heroines we haven’t yet seen, but are people going to care, even when the brand gets a new coat of paint from Marvel Studios?

6. Men in Black: International

Was anyone asking for the Men in Black series to return? Maybe if they'd had a dynamite story this could’ve overcome the public’s general disinterest, but this was an extremely generic plot you could figure out easily minutes in and lost touch with what endeared us to the first. Even with the combined forces of Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth failed, it to generate many laughs. Worse, to make sure I got any references or Easter egg it might drop, I re-watched all of the previous Men in Black movies, including the horrific Men in Black 2.

5. Replicas

This movie goes about itself in such a convoluted way. First, Keanu Reeves plays a scientist working for a company that wants to transplant the mind of dead soldiers into androids. Then, his family is killed in a car crash, prompting him to use the mind transfer tech to put their memories into new clone bodies of themselves. Problem is, he only has the means to clone three out of four family members. This means he has to erase all memories of his youngest daughter from the others’ brains. Following me so far? Good because it keeps going from there. Actually, that’s just the start of it. It’s a classic case of TMSGO - too much sh*t goin’ on. Even with all that, it STILLL managed to have gaping plot holes. No surprise it came and went as quietly as possible.

4. Hellboy

This one hurt. I wanted to see a superhero horror film badly. The early interviews I read about them wanting to adapt Mike Mignola’s books more closely than the Del Toro films got me excited. I was a little apprehensive when the trailers showed some goofy stuff but I figured these were included to draw people in. I should've listened to that sinking feeling. The actual film is awful, one giant mistake after another. Without a doubt, this featured the year’s worst special effects and even this I could've forgiven but the would-be humorous tone was badly misjudged and the story bloated with way too many elements that might've worked... if we weren't also trying to tell the character's origin at the same time. Hellboy ends with a teaser promising more and there’s no way we would’ve seen a sequel even if this had made money at the box office. Cool demons though, for what it’s worth.

3. Shaft

Looking back, I’m struggling to think of anything worth seeing in Shaft. I hated the film’s approach at comedy, particularly when it reverted Samuel L. Jackson’s John Shaft into the kind of man who proudly doesn’t understand modern sensibilities and spews out one homophobic joke after another. The plot was uninspired and uninteresting - not to mention generic - and none of it felt like it belonged on the big screen. On the upside, it prompted me to view the original trilogy with Richard Roundtree and those were enjoyable.

2. Simmba

Simmba is unlikely to be on the “Worst of 2019” list next January. It probably won’t be at the #2 spot. The film mixes two wildly different tones but not well. It begins as a romantic crime comedy, a dated one, sure. Simmba staging a phoney crime in order for the woman he’s attracted to to call him for help and then use the call as an excuse to stay with her through the night is creepy but I guess it might’ve passed like 20 years ago in North America. What makes this a bad film is the way it then introduces a character’s gang rape and murder as a way to prompt the anti-hero onto a righteous path. From there, it turns into this vigilante revenge film that has disturbing implications. You probably haven’t heard of it before now, much less seen it. I don’t recommend you check it out.

Runner Ups:

Aladdin

A controversial choice, as many casual filmgoers seem to have fallen madly in love with it (similar to the way they ate up 2017’s Beauty and the Beast) but honestly, what does this film do better than 1992’s Aladdin? Add an unmemorable song for Princess Jasmine to sing? Reduce the number of talking animals in order to give us more… nothing? Pile on the CGI to the point you wonder why it was made with live-actors in the first place? Like the innumerable direct-to-video sequels of classic films who've been all but forgotten, I tell you this Arabbian adventure won't endure.

Tolkien

So much potential squandered on a boring story. It didn’t take an astute viewer to recognize the film was crippled by the studio failing to obtain the rights to Tolkien’s actual work. I get the feeling we'll see another shot at a biography of J.R.R. Tolkien in a couple of years and this will be the Christopher Robin to the much superior Goodbye Christopher Robin.

The Hustle

It’s an unfunny comedy, what more is there to say? Rebel Wilson makes yet another bad career choice playing the same character she always plays. I only realized it was a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels while writing my review, which is unfortunate. Hopefully I can expunge this film from my memory soon enough and forget anything it might’ve spoiled about the original Bedtime Story or the 1988 remake.

1. Unplanned

The numerous instances of technical incompetence - mostly coming from the performers who are given lackluster material - would be enough to condemn Unplanned to this list. What made me hate the film is the way it blatantly lies and attempts to manipulate the audience into further entrenching themselves in a certain point of view through cheap, manipulative means. I can respect that genuine passion was poured into the project but the way it goes about it is shameful. Do not go see it, even if you're curious.

Yuck. That last one really left a bad taste in my mouth so I'm going to talk about a movie I did enjoy and am enthusiastic to direct you towards Alita: Battle Angel. Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita impressed me and I really dug the action scenes. I'll also right a wrong from last year by reminding you to find and watch Paddington and Paddington 2, both movies I should've put on my "Best of" lists the years they came out. I don't know what I was thinking but I keep coming back to these in my head. They're excellent for kids and adults.

And with that said, the list is over. Back to our regularly-scheduled film reviews until something big comes up. Thoughts or comments on the list are welcome and I hope you enjoyed reading.