#it’s very relieving to be reminded that there are people who have so many similar feelings and thoughts

[aslisjournal]

I’m so grateful for you guys on this website

[milksnake-tea]

━━ duty calls.

Created around the same time and having trained with one another, you and Casper have always butted heads. You'd compete over seemingly anything - how many souls one could reap, the days one could go without catching soul sickness, and the list goes on. Casper has always found you to be obnoxious, but when he sees you crying by yourself, he finds himself torn.

grim x gn!reaper!reader

contains: fluff, hurt/comfort, set before the main storyline, reader is NOT the mc, brief mentions of child death, USAGE OF GRIM'S REAL NAME, reader is a little shit

word count: 4.2k

a/n: FORGIVE ME IF THE WORLDBUILDING IS OFF I WAS TRYING MY BEST and ive only done one ending oops (finals hurts okay :((( ) also ... im not sure if reapers names are classified just to mortals and not other reapers but ykw imma take my liberties

"Seriously, do you ever get tired?"

Casper groaned irritatedly, running a hand through his snow-like hair. Blood like rust coated his scythe, spoils from his most recent hunt. The corpse still lay fresh in front of him, but their skin was cold and their eyes dead.

Boisterous laughter erupted above him. Sitting on the balcony of some person’s apartment, you grinned down at him - that infuriating, shit-eating grin that never failed to tick him off.

You kicked your legs childishly as you leaned back over the railing. Nestled against the crook of your arm was a scythe similar to his own, save for the more detailed design and color palette. Unlike him, you would constantly say, you liked to live a little.

Bold words coming from a bringer of death.

“Don’t blame me for you being slow,” you called down to him. Casper rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he glared up at you.

“I am not ‘slow’,” he grumbled. “You’re too eager. And get down from there, you’ll be spotted.”

You tilted your head. “It’s like, 3 A.M. What kind of idiot’s gonna be awake at this hour?”

“You’d be surprised. Humans will do anything but take care of themselves.”

“I guess,” you sighed, jumping down. You twirled your scythe absentmindedly, Casper leaning back to avoid getting hacked to pieces.

“Be careful with that,” he scolded. You, of course, ignored him.

“So are these the last of the guys?” you wondered, kicking at a corpse with your foot.

The alleyway was practically lined with bodies, so many that management had called upon both you and Casper to deal with the remnants of the massacre. Gang fights were a pain to deal with, second only to pandemics and war.

“It would seem so.” Casper gave you a look, to which you responded by sticking out your tongue. You were very mature, after all.

You stretched thankfully, rolling out your shoulder. “Thank God, I was starting to get depressed from all the dead people.”

“If you’re getting depressed from just this, perhaps you should consider a different career choice.”

“Nah.” You smiled. “If I left, who would I bully? You’d get all sad and lonely without me.”

“Hardly,” Casper scoffed. “If anything, I’d be relieved.”

“You wound me.”

“Good.”

“So mean,” you pouted. Casper paid you no attention, as per usual. It didn’t matter, though, since you immediately perked back up. “Hey, boo?”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“I have an idea.” And just like that, your cheshire grin returned. Casper sighed, already beginning to walk off.

“How wonderful,” he said sarcastically. “Share it with someone else.”

“Uh-uh, no.” As quick as a flash, your scythe was out, the blade curving in front of Casper to prevent his escape. “This one’s good, I swear.”

“Your definition of what is and isn’t a good idea needs some desperate fixing.” Still, he made no move to escape, instead turning around to face you.

“Let’s race.”

Casper raised a brow. “Race?”

You nodded eagerly, your eyes shining like jewels. In the darkness of the alleyway, the two of you were illuminated only by the neon blue lights of the city. Yet, as that same blue was captured in your eyes, Casper was reminded of a kaleidoscope, changing and turning in a multitude of different colors.

It was… captivating.

“If I win, you have to buy me a drink.” 

Casper snapped out of his daze, a light flush blooming across his fair skin. Thankfully, though, you didn’t seem to notice, too entranced by another one of your ridiculous competitions. Seriously, there had to be a limit to how unprofessional you could be.

“You assume I have the time to buy you one,” he said with faux calmness, grateful for the night’s shadows hiding his complexion. You huffed.

“You could do it while you’re rebalancing yourself,” you said, as though it was obvious. “Besides, it doesn’t have to be anything big, just a coffee or a tea would be nice.”

“Fine, let’s say I stoop down to your level and agree to this… race,” said Casper. “What do I get if I win?”

You shrugged. “Then I'll just buy you a drink.”

Casper shook his head. “I’m not like you. I don’t drink on the job.”

“But you do cuddle an axolotl plushie when you sleep,” you pointed out. Instantly, Casper flushed red.

“Wha- What does that have to do with anything?!” he protested.

"I just thought about it randomly," you shrugged. "But seriously, that thing is huge, where did you get it?"

“Never mind how I got it," Casper crossed his arms and averted his eyes, his bottom lip turning up in a pout. “We’re getting off track.”

“Oh, so now you care about my games,” you teased. “Anyways, on how I’ll reward you…”

You spun your scythe back to your side, tapping its staff against the ground as you thought of a fitting reward.

“Oh! How about this?” You snapped your fingers, a figurative light bulb lighting up next to you. “You get to cash in one favor from me.”

“Any favor?” A smirk creeped onto Casper’s face, his interest finally piqued. “That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, [Name].”

“As long as it’s within reason and isn’t embarrassing,” you snapped, crossing your arms. “If you make me kiss your feet or something like that, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Of course,” Casper chuckled knowingly. “So, where to and when are we racing?”

“Hey, if you weren’t paying attention to the rules, then that's your fault. As for when the race starts, how about… now.”

“Wha- Hey!” Casper barely dodged as you shot past him in a blur of black. Hooking your scythe into the walls, you stuck out your tongue at him as you propelled yourself through the night.

“So long, Casp!”

Casper cursed under his breath. Quickly, he made haste to follow you. He flew through the air like a bird, twisting around light poles, skyscrapers, and billboards alike.

You weren’t as elegant, instead jumping from building to building like a modern superhero. You’d catapult yourself through the sky using your scythe as leverage, your laughter echoing in the slumbering city - free like the wind.

Casper didn’t have to follow you long to know where you were heading towards. Invisible to the mortal eye, yet painfully obvious to the eyes of reapers, was an entrance to the Underworld, a whirlpool of black and red that led straight down to your home.

As you launched yourself into the air once again, Casper came up next to you, his hair billowing in the cold night wind like smoke.

“Nice of you to join me,” you teased, elbowing him in the side. Casper rolled his eyes once again, speeding up. “Hey!”

Smoky tendrils of crimson and ink curled around your figures as the two of you neared the portal. The center of the whirlpool was a void seemingly leading to the abyss itself, but you’ve worked in this job long enough to know just what lay beneath.

True to his character, Casper wasted no time and shot straight into the thick of it. You, on the other hand, were a little more dramatic with your landing.

You spun in a backflip off of the last of the skyscrapers before letting gravity take you for a ride. Wind whistled past your ears as you fell, yet all you could hear was the rapid thump of your own heart. Adrenaline filled your veins. Soon, black and red lined your vision as the Underworld engulfed you.

The second you saw the tips of red-stained towers, you flipped yourself to face the ground. Closer and closer, you could practically taste it. If you delayed any longer, your life as a grim reaper could end prematurely.

Like the eyes of a devil, your pupils glowed in delight, activating your abilities. But rather than slowing your descent, you sped it up, shooting towards the ground like a missile.

Black blobs, the fuzzy images of your coworkers, scrambled to move out of your way. Turning your body, you landed hard on your heels, narrowly missing a fellow reaper.

For a moment, all you could see was dust. Before the clouds could disappear, you shook off the sting in your ankles and stretched.

“Woo!” you cheered, kicking your leg. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

“Quiet down.” Casper grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back. “Honestly, is there ever a quiet moment with you?”

You giggled. “Boo, you’ve known me long enough to know the answer to that. Oh, by the way, I’m craving some-”

“Hold it.” Casper bonked your head. “I only agreed to buy you something if you won.”

“Didn’t I?”

“No you didn’t,” Casper retorted. “Anyone with working eyes could see that I reached the ground before you did. Therefore, I won.”

“Uh, no.” You crossed your arms. “Are you gaslighting me? You’re gaslighting me. That's not very nice of you, Casp.”

“I am not gaslighting you.” Your white-haired coworker rolled his eyes. “As grim reapers, we cannot lie. Someone of your caliber should know this.”

You blinked innocently. “Did you just compliment me?”

Casper spluttered. “What in the world made you come to that conclusion?”

Taking a step forward, you leaned towards the reaper, a cheeky smile growing on your face. “You said ‘Someone of your caliber’. That means you think I’m capable.”

“You’d have to be a special kind of stupid to be incompetent after working as a reaper for so long,” Casper crossed his arms, fighting down the blush rising onto his cheeks. You were close, way too close. “Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised, seeing as how that was the only thing you heard from what I said.”

Heaving a sigh, he pushed you away with his finger.

“But don’t distract yourself from the fact that I won the race,” he said, a smug smirk replacing his exasperation.

“I was honestly trying to forget.”

Casper huffed, a pout forming on his lips. But the moment wouldn’t last long, as a ding sounded from both of your phones. When you checked it, you groaned when you saw a notification of unexpected emergency.

“Seriously?” you complained. “Overtime? Did a bunch of reapers die off or something? My soul’s going to get tainted at this rate.”

“Don’t complain.” Casper nudged you, but even you could see the irritation on his face. “It’s our job as reapers to reap souls on time, no matter what.”

“I guess. Still doesn’t make it any less annoying.”

“Agreed.” With a sigh, Casper summoned his scythe. “I must be off, now. See you on the other side, [Name].”

As he made his way back to the opening of the portal, his feet lifting off from the ground, a gloved hand reached out to grasp your chin. Gently, he guided you to look at him as he ascended.

“I look forward to cashing in on that favor.”

━

For as long as you could remember, things have always been this way.

Your earliest memory was of waking up to the crimson skies of the Underworld. Unaware and unknowing, you allowed yourself to be dragged around by older reapers, their voices blurring together in a droning buzz. Everything had gone by so quickly, and you struggled to keep up with it all.

If you were to say it bluntly, your first day felt like a fever dream.

But amidst the chaos, the tutorials, and the gifting of your first scythe, there was one thing that you remembered clearly.

“...Snow.”

Your mentor’s lecture halted at your voice, barely audible. They followed your gaze to a white-haired man, looking to be around the same age as you. Like a drowsy child, you lifted your finger and pointed at him, looking back to your mentor.

“He’s like snow.”

Their eyes softened by the tiniest bit, having seemingly realized that you were still disorientated. After all, in a sense, you had just been born.

“I suppose he is.” Putting a hand on your shoulder, they guided you away from the man. “Now, as I was saying…”

Their voice faded away into the background as the white-haired man noticed your gaze. He turned to look at you, his ruby-like eyes like blood speckles against the winter landscape. You stared at each other for only a few seconds before you turned to follow your mentor.

You quickly forgot the pretty stranger, but you would stay in his memories for quite a while before you’d cross paths again. In the darkness of the Underworld, you were like a lantern - radiating warmth and familiarity.

You were beautiful, like a flower in summer. That was, until he met you for the second time.

Swiftly and ruthlessly, holding true to your occupation as a reaper, you cut apart any premonitions he had had about you. When you were put against him to spar by your mentors, the drowsiness had worn off - instead replaced by insufferable audacity.

As your scythes clashed, sparks flying between the two of you and burning him in the process, your mouth just wouldn’t stop moving, stop talking. The innocently sleepy look on your face was replaced with a shit-eating grin as you blocked his attacks, trapping him in a frenzied dance.

“What’s wrong, boo?” you laughed, twirling your scythe to drive him back. “Don’t tell me you’re getting tired already.”

Casper’s eyebrow twitched at the nickname; you wouldn’t stop calling him that ever since you learned his real name. He didn’t understand where it came from, but just the way you said it was enough to annoy him.

“Hardly,” he scoffed, his boots kicking up dust as they skidded against the ground. He was quick to lunge back at you, his movements precise as he swung his blade. “If anything, I’d wager that you’re the one tiring out.”

“Ha!” You ducked under his attack and sprung forward, Casper’s hair tickling at your face as you came nose to nose with him. Startled, Casper had no time to react as you slammed the end of your scythe’s staff into his chest.

Before he knew it, Casper’s back was against the ground, your boot on his chest, and your scythe at his neck.

Your breaths were heavy as you looked down on him, but your eyes glowed with triumphant victory. The fight may have been more exhausting than you’d like to admit, but the view you had was well worth the effort.

Beneath you, Casper struggled to catch his own breath, his chest heaving under the soles of your foot. His white hair splayed around him like a halo, and his face was tickled pink from the fight.

Even in defeat, he was beautiful.

You leaned forward, putting your weight on your knee. Casper grunted as you pressed harder on him. Just for the fun of it, you pressed your scythe’s blade against his chin and guided him to look up at you and your grin.

“I win,” you sang mockingly.

Casper groaned, letting his head fall against the floor. You laughed heartily, stepping off of him and instead extending your hand to him. Without a second thought, Casper took it, allowing you to pull him to his feet and dust him off.

“That’s what, victory number twenty-one?” you asked, stretching. “That means I’m in the lead now, Casp.”

“Whatever,” Casper scoffed, dusting off his chest where your foot had been. “I’m sure the score will even out in no time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you squinted at him. Casper stuck his tongue out at you.

“I don’t know, what does it mean?”

You hit his chest playfully. Casper grunted, glaring at you from the corner of his eye.

That’s how it had always been, after all. You and Casper would go back and forth in this tantalizing dance, exchanging jabs and jokes at the same time. 

To Casper, you were insufferable, but annoyingly capable. To you, Casper was way too serious and stuck up, yet had that charm about him that made you want to tease him at every possible opportunity.

But for many, many years, your relationship never went further than mere friends - if Casper even wanted to call you that.

━

The day Casper’s view of you changed was like a stormy sky - dark, yet light still managed to peek through.

You’d come back to headquarters with a solemn look upon your face. For someone who had just come back from a mission, you were oddly… clean. There wasn’t a trace of blood on your clothes, yet your eyes were dark, haunted. Even your scythe’s shine seemed dull.

For the reapers, to have someone normally so loud and full of life be reduced to this, was frightening. They’d grown used to your smile, your voice, your light. You parted crowds with your uncharacteristically serious aura; if there was anything a sensible reaper feared, it was the wrath of a joyous soul.

Immediately after turning in your report to headquarters, you disappeared from the public eye.

When Casper first heard the news, he had brushed it off. You were probably just having a bad day, he tried to assure himself. Maybe you’d finally realized the grimness that came with your profession. Maybe the soul you’d reaped was especially troublesome and gave you a run for your money.

Despite his attempts to make up explanations for your behavior, he couldn’t stop the worry from gnawing at his heart. It twisted in his chest like soul sickness, an ailment that he wasn’t used to nor did he understand. It even followed him into his work, plaguing his mind and distracting him as he reaped soul after soul.

He’d made haste to return home, knowing that this illness would only worsen if he stayed out.

The Underworld was always dark, but that day, the sky was pitch black. Eager to return to the comfort of his bed, he quickly made his way to one of the many apartment complexes in which reapers resided.

However, just before he opened the door to his room, his hand stilled at the sound of crying.

Now, sadness wasn’t an uncommon emotion in the Underworld. Ghosts, sinners, and demons alike wailed and screamed their woes into the night. Their cries were as common as the sound of rushing cars in a human city.

But not for reapers, especially in their home. Reapers, at their core, were cold, emotionless, and ruthless - they needed to be, in order to do their jobs properly. A reaper’s tears were rare, almost taboo.

The more Casper listened, he soon recognized a familiar voice among those sniffles: yours.

Could it be? He looked up to the rooftop, his hand wavering. His soul pulsed in his chest, warning him to ignore you and focus on himself. But his heart argued back.

Casper glanced once more at the doorknob to his room. Cursing himself, he heaved a sigh and walked away - moving towards the staircase leading to the rooftop.

As he emerged onto the rooftop, the first thing he noticed was how clear the sky was. Its crimson blanket was more like that of a rose’s rather than bloodstains, and if he squinted, he could perhaps delude himself into seeing a few stars.

Then came you.

Casper’s heart plummeted in his chest when he saw your form curled into itself. You sat at the edge of the rooftop, your knees pulled up to your chest and your face buried in your arms. Your back was to him, but Casper saw the way your shoulders trembled.

He tried to take a step towards you, tried to reach to you with his hand, but hesitated. What would he even say? What could he say? What could he do?

His thoughts halted when you took a deep, shuddered breath, your voice raw from cry.

“What do you want, Casper.”

Casper. Not Casp, not boo, not any of the annoying nicknames that you called him by.

“I…”

He stepped back, feeling fear for perhaps the first time in his life. For the first time, he was unsure of what to do.

You couldn’t see him, but you heard him walk away and descend the staircase. You laughed hollowly, wiping at your face with your hand.

“What was I even expecting…” you muttered bitterly, gripping at your own arms for support. “Why would he of all people…”

You shut your eyes tighter. Without the company of the sky and the city, you were left alone with your thoughts. Memories of what you had witnessed laughed in your mind, latching onto you like a parasite and refusing to let go.

You were never afraid of blood, nor of death, but today, just the thought of it made you nauseous.

Something soft nudged at your elbow. Blinking your eyes open, you warily looked to your side.

However, instead of seeing a person, you came face to face with a bright pink axolotl plushie.

You and the plushie stared at each other for a good minute, neither of you knowing what to make of the other. It wasn’t until you heard a familiar, exasperated sigh from behind the plushie that you realized what it was.

“Don’t just stare at him,” Casper mumbled, pushing the plushie against you. You blinked owlishly, before hesitantly taking the plushie into your arms.

Hugging it against your chest, you rested your chin on top of its head. The plushie was oddly warm, yet comforting. Casper sat beside you, silent and gazing up towards the sky. For a while, the two of you simply sat in this silence, with the only thing breaking it being your quiet sniffles.

“...She was just a kid,” you finally spoke, catching Casper’s attention and making him look at you. You, however, kept your gaze straight ahead to the city lines, refusing to meet his gaze. “She was just a little girl, and yet they… they…”

You hugged the plushie a little tighter.

“I just can’t understand how humans can be so cruel to each other.”

Casper’s gaze turned downcast. “That’s how they’ve always been. Life is cruel, even to the purest of souls.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Hardly anything is.”

“It shouldn’t have been her. It should’ve been that bastard that murdered her.”

“He’ll get what he deserves. Karma will catch up to him.”

“But what if it doesn’t? What if he gets let off?”

“He won’t.”

Unexpectedly, you let out a snort at Casper’s deadpanned voice - so assured and serious. Casper raised a brow, looking at you inquisitively.

“You know,” you said, raising your head. “You’re somehow really bad and really good at comforting people.”

“What?” Casper wrinkled his nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” you said softly. “I didn’t mean it as an insult. Actually, that’s one of the things I like about you.”

“That I’m apparently a bad comforter?”

“No, silly.” You leaned your head on the plushie again, only this time you were looking at your coworker. “Your seriousness. How you’re always so confident in yourself. How even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you still try.”

Red bloomed across Casper’s face like a flowering blossom, reaching from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze.

“It’s not fair when you start saying things like that,” he mumbled. You giggled a little, leaning onto his shoulder with his plushie still in your arms.

“I’m just being honest,” you hummed. “Or maybe I’m coping. I dunno.”

Casper chuckled, but made no move to push you off him. You closed your eyes. The turmoil in your heart was still there, of course, but with Casper against you, it eased up just a little.

“Seriously though, thank you,” you said. “For coming up here for me and, well, everything.”

“It was nothing,” Casper replied. “You were looking pretty pathetic, all depressed and all.”

You huffed. “Just admit you care about me, Casp. Is that so hard?”

Casper grumbled something unintelligible, before lifting his arm. You squeaked as he wrapped it around your shoulders, pulling you closer against him. With your head laid against his collarbone, you could feel every breath he took as well as the rapid beat of his heart.

“[Name],” he said quietly. “Remember the favor you promised me? For winning the race?”

“Mm… yeah. What about it?”

“I’d like to cash it in right now.”

“Oh lord,” you chuckled. “Alright, what do you want?”

“Whatever happens next, don’t tell anyone,” Casper whispered.

Your lips curled into a smile. “You know, Casp, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were about to do something weird.”

You couldn’t see him, but you knew he was rolling his eyes.

“Be quiet for a moment, will you?”

You grinned. “Ah, but that’s two favors, not-”

Casper shut you up with a soft kiss to your head. It was brief, so quick that for a second you almost thought you had dreamed it.

In your stunned silence, Casper spoke again.

“Forgive me if I’m being greedy, but I’ll ask for a third favor,” he said. “No matter what happens, promise me you won’t deal with it by yourself.”

His grip around you tightened.

“Please.”

You nuzzled closer into the crook of his neck.

“...I promise.”

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[juniperskye]

Without You

Sneak Peek: Aaron and you have been dating for over a year now…the thing is, the BAU team has no idea. When Aaron does something reckless that could cost him his life, will you expose the relationship you have worked so hard to keep under wraps?

Aaron Hotchner x BAU Fem Reader

Angst/Fluff

Word count: 2371

Warnings: One use of y/n, age gap, mentions of anxiety/anxiety attack, some language, canon typical violence, mentions of death, explosion, BAU case details (similar to those of s7e23), severe emotional pain, mentions of Haley’s death, mention of Jack, secret relationship, JJ is still the media liaison (it just fit better for the plot) if I missed any – let me know!

Not edited - please be kind.

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

Aaron Hotchner had very quickly become your best friend. Your friendship had come so naturally, despite a pretty significant age gap. After two years of what could only be described as painfully obvious yearning from both parties, Aaron finally gained the courage to ask you to dinner. Even though it took two weeks before you could actually act on that invitation, the date had gone better than expected. Aaron had been a perfect gentleman; bringing you flowers, opening your door, holding your hand, paying for your meal, actually listening when you spoke.

That’s why it had been so easy to fall in love with him. Things with Aaron truly had been effortless, falling into a comfortable routine in which you would drive to his place after work, relieve the babysitter, get Jack started on homework while you got dinner going. Since meeting Jack, back before you’d even begun dating Aaron, you were one of his favorite people. You had spoiled Jack since you’d met the boy, he was just so sweet, and he’d reminded you of your nephews…it was easy to spend time with him. Aaron would come home to Jack helping set the table and you plating up the food. He’d wrap you up in an embrace and the three of you would sit and enjoy your meal while discussing how your days went (mostly Jack talking about school).

The one thing in your relationship that had not been effortless was keeping it a secret from your team. There had already been much speculation as to whether or not Aaron and you had feelings for one another amongst the agents. Dave was the one who pestered Aaron the most, constantly encouraging him to take a chance on love, that it wouldn’t always end like it had with Haley. In your case it had been Penelope, she and you had grown close over your time at the BAU, and she could see the tell-tale signs of a blossoming crush for your superior.

The two of you hadn’t initially planned to hide your relationship, but after many late-night conversations about it and a lengthy pros and cons list, you had determined, for the time being, keeping things quiet was the best option. That was nearly eleven months ago. You and Aaron had been together for about a year and a half, living together for four months…things had not been easy. You guys had to work hard to keep your feelings at bay on tough missions. There had been an instance of you getting stabbed by an unsub, thankfully the wound was superficial, and you were fine, but it had taken everything in Aaron not to run to you and take you into his arms. That was one of many hardships you had faced, but none of those would have prepared you for today.

A call had come in to the BAU at 9:53 am. The call rang to Aaron’s direct line, which meant it was a time sensitive case, usually a child abduction or in this case, a hostage situation. Aaron came out of his office swiftly, calling everyone’s attention without even speaking.

“There is a hostage situation at First Union bank. We’ve been called in by Virgina PD, who is already on the scene and SWAT is currently on their way as well. Everyone needs to gather their things and head to the garage” Aaron gave his orders, and everyone sprang into action.

As you all made your way to the government issued SUVs, Aaron continued briefing everyone and he gave out assignments.

“Alright Garcia and Reid, I want you two in the mobile command unit digging into our unsubs, we need to identify them. JJ, I need you to control the media with this, I don’t want any details getting out without my approval. Morgan and Prentiss go check in with SWAT and go over our plan. Y/N and Dave you will take point on the negotiations. Understood?” Aaron looked to everyone for confirmation.

There were collective nods, and everyone went to their separate posts to get started. You and Dave made your way over to one of the command center tents, discussing with the officers there that you would be in charge of the negotiations. They filled you in on what had happened thus far, and you worked to devise your initial approach. Dave and you had made contact with the unsubs, they were demanding a helicopter and one million dollars (a truly ridiculous request on their part). Approximately fifteen minutes later, Garcia and Reid rushed to where you, Dave and Aaron were standing.

“We have identified the unsubs! The two men are brothers, Michael and James Snyder. They are connected to at least eight other bank robberies around the northeastern United Staes. The woman, her name is Katiya Kuznetsov she is not connected to the robberies, but she is flagged under the FBI’s most wanted. She’s thought to be the mastermind behind dozens of explosions in North America from the last nine months.” Garcia explained. Aaron radioed to request the bomb squad.

“Why would she be working with these two? Robbing banks isn’t quite the same M.O. as blowing up buildings.” You questioned.

“We looked into it, and it seems that she may have connections to someone who owns a safety deposit box at this bank. We don’t know what is in it, but we were able to narrow down the list of potentials.” Reid answered.

“This changes things, we need to get in there and apprehend them. We need to get the civilians out. I think our best option would be for us to breach with SWAT and local PD.” Aaron explained.

“Hotch, that seems a little drastic don’t you think? If we just barge in there, who’s to say they don’t just start shooting the hostages. Dave and I were making progress and now that we know who they are, perhaps we can get them to break.” You could feel your anxiety eating away at you, the thought of Aaron barging in there terrified you.

“Sorry kid, but I’m with Aaron on this one. We were making some progress, but not enough and given this new information, I think it is safe to assume that there is probably a bomb in the bank somewhere, the sooner we get the hostages out, the better.” Rossi shut your idea down.

You could feel the bile rising up your throat. Your palms were starting to sweat and your pulse quickening. You knew what was about to happen, Aaron was going to give out assignments which meant he was diving headfirst into danger while he ensured your safety.

“Alright here’s what we will do, Morgan and I will go in the front, try to talk the unsubs down. Prentiss and Reid you will go through the back, with SWAT and the bomb squad try to locate the explosive and disable it. Garcia, I want you to keep eyes inside the bank the whole time, keep us posted of everything you see through comms. Dave and you can stay out here and monitor the phones, I want you to call in to distract them while we enter, I think it might buy us some leeway.” Aaron gave the assignments.

You gave Aaron a pointed look, one that expressed all of your nerves and anxiety. He looked back at you, it was stern as far as any onlooker could tell, but you could see the softness flash across his features. He was silently telling you that everything would be okay, and for a moment, you believed that it would be.

Time seemed to slow then. Everyone was moving, following orders hastily. But you, you were glued to your spot…Dave’s hand on your shoulder is what finally snapped you out of your thoughts.

“He’ll be okay kid.” Dave tried to soothe your nerves.

You called into the bank to try and steal the attention of the unsubs as Aaron had requested, all the while agents were moving through the bank. Suddenly Garcia’s voice rang over the comms.

“One of the unsubs slipped away. I’m assuming to get to the explosive. I am working to get the blueprints of the bank so we can figure out where it is set up.” Garcia rushed.

Gunshots echoed through the air, the comms were buzzing with shouts from Aaron, Morgan, Prentiss, Dave and some other voices you couldn’t pin down.

The fact that you could hear Aaron’s voice helped to calm your nerves as he clearly hadn’t been shot. His next words soothed your mind even more so.

“We have Michael and James in custody, Morgan is walking the hostages out now. I am going to go and assist the others in finding Katiya and the explosive.” Aaron called over the comms.

Dave could see you tense at Aaron’s words; he once again laid his hand on your shoulder in hopes to ease your mind. Morgan walked over to you and Dave after placing the unsubs in the police cars that were standing by.

What happened next brought your world crashing down.

The silence over the comms had been eerie. Everything paused and then it happened. The bank had exploded, right before your eyes. You had been far enough away that the blast hadn’t knocked you over, but it still left your ears ringing.

Had Morgan and Dave’s ears not already been ringing they definitely would have been after the scream that ripped through your body.

“NOO!!!!!” You screamed.

You couldn’t form a coherent thought; you sobbed and lurched your body forward in hopes of going to find Aaron. Before you could make it three steps, Morgan had his arms around your waist holding you back. He turned you around and held you while you pounded your fists against his chest.

“Sweetheart you can’t go in there. I know we have people in there and waiting for them to get out is going to feel like an eternity. But until we get any sort of confirmation, we need to try and stay positive.” Morgan explained.

Garcia and JJ joined you, Dave and Morgan, tears streaming down their faces, all of them silently hoping your team family would make it out unscathed.

You could feel it coming on, the more time had passed. Your breaths were shallow, body clammy, your vision was going blurry, you were having a hard time keeping yourself upright. Dave was the one to notice and lead you away from the group, he held your hands and was saying something about you needing to match his breathing.

“Dave I…I c-can’t. W-what if he doesn’t make it out? I w-would d-die without him Dave!” You hiccupped.

“He’s going to make it out. But remember that you are strong and no matter what happens you will make it through this.” Dave reminds you.

“No! Dave, you don’t understand without Aaron, sure, the rain would fall, the children would play, the tides would change but I-I would die.” You looked away from Dave momentarily “I die without you.” You whispered.

You saw heads start turning in the direction of the alleyway that was adjacent to what was once the bank, as you followed suit, the bile returned – easing its way up your throat.  A body bag, with no other signs of Aaron. Your mind jumped to the worst-case scenario and your legs finally gave out. Dave tried to catch you as you fell to the ground, another gut-wrenching sob ripping its way through you.

You didn’t register the loss of Dave’s arms around your shoulders, not until he moved to pull you up off the ground and turn you in the direction of the group of agents making their way towards you. You tried to protest, telling Dave that nothing mattered anymore, until he physically turned your chin towards them.

“Aaron?” It came out as an exhale, below a whisper.

“Aaron?” This time was a bit louder, gaining your voice back.

“Aaron!” A shout this time as you could see his eyes scanning the crowd for you.

His gaze snapped to you as you ran towards him, looking him over to ensure that he is unharmed before you launch yourself into his arms. He lifted you fully and allowed you to wrap your legs around his waist, he could feel your tears soaking the collar of his shirt. He gently shushed you assuring you that he was okay and that everyone was safe.

“T-the b-body bag, I-I thought it. I thought it was you, Aaron.”

“It was Katiya, she was trying to detonate it when we found her, we had just enough time to get to some sort of vault, but when it went off, the debris trapped us in. Honey, I am so sorry I scared you. I’m alright though, not even a scratch.” Aaron brushed his hand over the back of your head as you brought your feet back to the ground.

He looked into your eyes, he could tell that your brain was trying to process everything, all the emotions you had just been feeling, along with the relief you must be feeling now. He couldn’t help himself when he leaned in and kissed you. It was a kiss that said I was terrified of losing you but we’re safe and here together now. As he pulled away, you rested your foreheads against one another’s.

You knew that there would be tons of questions from the team but honestly in this moment you couldn’t care less because Aaron was safe and back in your arms. This moment that you were sharing allowed a few things to become clear for you and Aaron. You knew that he was the one for you, nobody else, and you were sure you wouldn’t survive losing him. He came to realize that it was time for him to pull that ring from the back of his sock drawer and finally ask you for forever, he thought that maybe it was time for him to step back and take that promotion Strauss had continuously offered. All he knew was that he couldn’t risk what you two had. Without you…he couldn’t even finish the thought because that wasn’t even an option.

[moog-rt]

GO TO HELL [ch. 4]

[Lucifer Morningstar x Fem!Reader]

Previous: Chapter Three

➨ Chapter Four

Next: Chapter Five

Premise:

You love your friends. You really do. But sometimes it needs reminding when one of them accidentally sends you to Hell.

Despite falling into the hands of Hell’s loveliest princess, finding a way back to the world of the living proves difficult as you tiptoe around its king.

A/N: shout out to my very own "power bottom at rock bottom" (aka my roommate) for harnessing her inner Angel Dust and feeding into some of his dialogue.

If you'd prefer to read on Ao3, here is the link:

Otherwise, enjoy!

♡ ♡ ♡

CHAPTER FOUR

The car ride home was mostly silent and incredibly tense.

You also couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. When you looked around to sate your paranoia, you found nothing suspicious and whittled it down to the anxiety having your face plastered across every news channel in hell.

On your way out of her father’s manor, you decided to fill Charlie in about your hands and cheek. She said it was a gamble whether her dad would react well to your being human or not. Being neutral to it, however, was something she would not have imagined. She was just relieved that you were alright. 

She theorized that he may have assumed you were just wearing face paint for ‘shits and giggles’ (your words, not hers). There were some demons in Hell that did have skin tones similar to when they were human, so it wouldn’t be too outrageous for you to, as well.

Though it would be no surprise if he jumped to the conclusion that you were human due to your being televised all over Hell the day prior.

Not knowing where his head was at was going to kill you.

But worrying about that wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Charlie believed you two had searched everywhere in her old place that was likely to hold the key to you getting home. To your relief, the likelihood of returning was slim to none.

There was no need to stress over her father figuring you out since you wouldn’t have to risk running into him again.

The only thing you needed to focus on was getting those godforsaken cobwebs off the chandelier in the hotel foyer.

Vaggie was able to get the place mostly cleaned up in the time you were gone, but there were still a few things left that you were able to help with. After all they had done for you, this was the least you could do for them in return.

As you climbed back down the ladder, you saw Charlie pacing and muttering to herself. Even though you only met her recently, you knew how much the hotel and her plan to redeem sinners meant to her.

If this didn’t go well, she would absolutely take it to heart. She seemed like the type to barricade herself in a room to sulk for weeks on end. Or maybe bawl her eyes out whilst shoveling heaping spoonfuls of ice cream down her own throat.

Probably both.

“You know, this place is really coming together,” you said as you walked up to her.

She paused to face you.

“You think so?” she asked, glancing around the foyer in search of anything in need of tending. “Gosh, what if he doesn’t like the color scheme, or—or the motifs? What if he decides he isn’t interested in redemption at all?”

“Hey,” you said to get her attention as you leaned back into her view. “If he weren’t interested in what you’re offering, he wouldn’t be coming by to check things out. And I really don’t think your choice in décor will be what turns him away.”

You chuckled a bit as you glanced at the odd horse statues and slightly tattered wallpaper. It wasn’t modern or trendy, but it did have character. That was for sure.

She nodded with a far-off gaze, ruminating on your words.

“Even if he does decide that this isn’t for him—though I don’t think that will happen—there are so many people down here! I find it hard to believe that you won’t find some who are interested,” you continued. “Think about all the souls that believed they’d be going to Heaven but ended up here instead. They’d probably give up an arm and a leg to be redeemed.”

Her shoulders slacked, and her back loosened as she released a deep breath. Looking back at you, her face appeared more relaxed.

“Yeah…you’re totally right,” she said with a soft smile. “We just need to be patient.”

“I think this guy would be stupid not to accept your offer.” You bumped her arm playfully as you went to continue tidying up.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her smile and walk off, presumably to do the same.

Everyone was putting the final touches on everything when there was a knock on the front door. You paused in the middle of sliding the sofa across the room so you could get a look at whoever was there.

Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other in surprise.

“I told him to text or call before showing up,” Vaggie grumbled, running a hand through her bangs as she went to answer the door.

He was quite…tall.

You had forgotten their appearances could vary so much. Charlie, her father, and Vaggie were relatively similar to a regular person, despite some slight cosmetic differences. This guy, however, had an extra set of limbs and was covered head to toe in what looked like fur. 

Upon closer inspection, he also had what appeared to be three additional pairs of eyes underneath his primary ones.

Was he supposed to be a bug?

You shuffled forward as Charlie introduced herself. She had fixed up your makeup once you returned, so there was nothing to worry about regarding your own appearance. You had double and even triple-checked beforehand.

“This is it?”

“Uh…yes?” Charlie said meekly with her hands clasped in front of her chest.

He gave the foyer a hard once-over.

“Eh, anything’s betta’ than my current digs,” he said with a shrug and started walking around. “You got drinks?”

“No? The point of redemption is to stop engaging in sin,” Vaggie stated, crossing her arms. “Which means cutting out drugs?”

“You’re kiddin’ me,” he said as his body slumped. “What the hell am I supposed to do then? Play checkers?”

“Ooh, Checkers would be a fun way to break the ice!” Charlie sang, clapping her hands together.

This earned her a blank look from the new guest.

“Aha…” she laughed awkwardly at the bland response, then turned to gesture at you. “Well, this is our current resident! We have faith that she will be redeemed very soon.”

You gave a wide smile as you were being shown off. Should you strike a pose? Put your hands on your hips and puff your chest out in pride?

You didn’t mind being a fake example of a sinner-gone-good to help her out. It was the least you could do at this point. Plus, when you finally got the hell out of there, you could all play it off as you being ‘redeemed’.

“Yup, yup. Sin-free life has been pretty great,” you said, crossing your arms.

The guy already seemed exasperated. Vaggie was right when she said he was more interested in free rent than redemption itself.

“What did you say your name was again?” you asked in an attempt to keep the conversation from dying out before it had even started.

He perked a bit and plastered on a sultry smirk.

“Angel Dust,” he said as he swiped a hand through his hair(?) (head fluff?). “If you’re interested in gettin’ to know me betta’, I’ve got a nice collection of videos I can refer ya to.”

“No,” Vaggie groaned. “He’s a pornstar.”

Your eyebrows shot up.

“I mean, more power to you,” you shrugged, and he snickered.

“Wasn’t expectin’ that sorta career choice to fly with someone aspirin’ to cross through them pearly gates.” He tilted his head as he eyed you carefully, leaning down slightly to be more at your eye level. 

“What makes you think that?” you asked, raising your chin. “In my opinion, a redeemable gal like myself should be respectful of other’s bodily autonomy.”

“Last I checked, the pious types weren’t so down with cock-suckin’ hoes. I mean,” he paused and smirked, “some of ‘em were down with us cock-suckin’ hoes, but they did their darndest to pray that shit away afterward. The guilts part of the kink.”

Vaggie’s stance tensed more and more with each word that came out of his mouth. You were pretty sure her eye was twitching.

“Good people are accepting people!” Charlie exclaimed, throwing her arms out.

“You ain’t ever have to deal with the living, sugar-tits,” Angel said, draping himself over the couch in a way you were sure would be put on the front cover of a Playboy magazine. “But sure.”

You all began a short tour of the hotel much like the one you got when you first arrived. This time, however, Charlie was really trying to sell her redemption plan to him. She explained the terms of their deal. He would refrain from acts of sin, such as violence, drugs, yada-yada, and he could stay there for free.

As you began filing out of one of the available, move-in-ready rooms, you noticed Angel pause. He was looking at the ground with a blank expression, clearly contemplating something. You assumed he was weighing the pros and cons of Charlie’s offer, but you were no mind reader.

After showing off most of the relevant parts of the hotel, you gathered back in the entryway. Charlie stared Angel down expectantly, waiting in suspense for his decision.

She was overjoyed when he finally agreed.

“There’s no harm in tryin’, I guess.” He shrugged shooting a half-lidded smirk. “But I ain’t makin’ no promises that I’ll be the paragon of redeemability. I ain’t that type of model.”

When he left, he said he had to clear some things with his boss first and then he would start this whole ‘redemption thing’.

The three of you had a miniature celebration—juice, soda, and popcorn to go along with eager chatter—before you decided to address the stack of books you had hauled back to the hotel.

The evening was going swimmingly thus far, and you hoped that good luck would carry on to the very end of the night. Somewhere in that pile was your key to getting home. Your fingers were crossed that you would be sleeping in your own cozy bed that night.

You could finally take up your own offer on a nice hot bubble bath and let it soak away all the stress that had stockpiled within your body.

Sitting in a circle around the books, you began sifting through them.

Your hope dwindled bit by bit with every one you flipped through and set aside. They had everything to do with the living world except for the means of getting there.

Once the last book was deemed useless, you sat in sullen silence. A sort of emptiness settled within your chest.

If that was your best shot at returning, what else was there?

“Okay…that’s okay!” Charlie said in an attempt to lighten the mood. “We just have to try something else. Vaggie, you said you knew people who had access to Earth, right?”

“I said I knew of people,” she corrected. “But I did do a little bit of digging while you were out, and I might have a few leads?”

“Oh, perfect!” Charlie chirped, sitting straight up with her hands on her knees. “How about we look into those tomorrow then?”

You and Vaggie both nodded because what else were you supposed to do? You didn’t really have the option of giving up in this situation. Your life wasn’t going to wait on hold forever. It probably wasn’t waiting at all.

At this point, two full days would have passed since you ‘disappeared,’ but living alone makes it harder for people to notice that sort of thing. You doubted Devon would have reported it since that would likely result in them getting into even deeper shit (in addition to the can of whoop-ass you’d release onto them once you made it back).

And you knew better than to put any amount of faith into Jack. You were sure he noticed your absence. You had the texts to prove it. But he seemed to be convinced you were giving him the cold shoulder, which would most likely result in him pretending he didn’t give two flying fucks about you.

Fuck that bitch.

♡

You wouldn’t say you slept like a baby that night, but you sure did sleep. You slept with the weight of despair threatening to overtake you with each failed attempt of finding a way back home.

And you know what?

It wasn’t half bad. Would you recommend it to someone else? No, not really. But you couldn’t tell them it was terrible.

Wiping the sleep from your eyes, you padded your way down the grand staircase. It was nice not having to wake up early to get all done up, but you still felt groggy. Possibly from sleeping too much.

You also appreciated being able to spend more time in the pajamas you were given, because good lord were they comfy.

Charlie and Vaggie let you know last night that they’d be leaving earlier in the morning to talk to the folks Vaggie believed might be able to access the living world. You stayed behind because you all agreed that dragging you through public in a not-so-durable disguise was a disaster waiting to happen.

However, they planned to be back in time for Charlie’s father to visit.

He had called her the previous night—just before you were all about to go your separate ways—to let her know he wanted to stop by. She told him he could drop by in the afternoon, and that was that.

You planned to coup yourself up in your room for the duration of his visit. You would rather die than address what had happened with the paint. If he had any questions regarding that, he could direct them towards his daughter. Thank you and goodnight (love you, Charlie! Muah!).

There was nothing to do until Charlie and Vaggie returned, but you still wanted caffeine or anything that could clear your brain fog.

They had stocked up the fridge and ‘pantry’ a bit more since you arrived, and Angel would likely move in any day now so there was also that to consider. Yet it was still a gamble on whether or not you could find something appealing.

You kneeled down in front of the fridge and began rummaging through your options.

Mysterious leftovers?

No.

Artichoke Hearts?

Eh…for breakfast? Probably not.

Coconut Milk?

No… You were surprised they even had coconuts in Hell. Unless, of course, they had sinners that manifested as coconuts, then you reckon they could milk—

No, absolutely not.

You were thinking about settling on a popsicle when you heard a knock at the front door.

Nobody should have been stopping by yet. Charlie’s dad wouldn’t be there until later, and you guys weren’t expecting anyone else. It could possibly be Angel, but you doubted he already spoke to his boss considering it was still morning.

The stained-glass doors didn’t disclose much about your surprise visitor. They were merely a shadowy figure, distorted by the odd shapes and colors.

Regardless of who it could be, you needed to hide or at least find a way to get back upstairs without being seen.

Slowly rising to your feet, you locked onto a rather large crate near the edge of the entryway.

You wouldn’t have to cross in front of the door to get there, which was ideal. Even though you knew the person on the other side couldn’t see you clearly, you preferred they not know you were there at all. Once you were at the crate, you could easily make your way around the room undetected.

Just as you were about to slip around it, you heard the front door creak open.

“Hello~” sang a familiar voice.

You hastily dodged behind the crate, your feet sliding slightly underneath you due to the new socks you had been gifted by your hosts. Thankfully, you were able to stabilize yourself before falling into anything.

Your heart was pounding away in your chest.

What was he doing here so early?

You pressed your back against the crate as you carefully sat down to wait for him to pass. Listening to his footsteps crossing the room was doing nothing to soothe your nerves. It was clear that he was in no rush to move on through the hotel. You could hear him as he sauntered around the foyer, pausing every once in a while before continuing on.

If he was taking in the sights, it was only a matter of time before he got to your side of the foyer.

You had to get out.

Taking a deep breath, you hesitantly peeked around your hiding spot to see where he was and whether he was looking your way.

To your relief, Charlie’s father was investigating a portrait on the wall opposite of you.

You wasted no time creeping across the floor to take cover behind the tattered old reception area. There was a body-length mirror resting against the wall just a few feet away that would give you a relatively good view of where he was.

As you were about to lean close enough to see through the mirror’s reflection, you heard him begin to hum just a few feet away. You scrambled to get beneath the desk.

How did he get so close so fast?

You understood the guy wasn’t human, but still. You were able to hear his footsteps clear as day up until that point. He shouldn’t know you were there; you were being so quiet…

Holding your breath, you waited for him to put some distance between the two of you. When you felt he was far enough away, you slowly scooted to the other side of the desk where you could hopefully get a view of the mirror.

Hearing him tampering with something, so you took the opportunity to glance at the mirror’s reflection.

He was prodding at one of the broken columns, testing its stability, it seemed. And his back was facing you. Perfect.

Glancing around the edge of the reception desk, you could see that the stairs weren’t too far away. It was a pretty open area, however, so you wondered if it would be better to beeline it down the adjacent hall instead.

Figuring that was likely the safer option, you checked the mirror once more to make sure his back was still turned.

You met his gaze in the reflection, and your eyes went wide as his lips curled into a wicked grin.

Fuck.

In a panic, you threw yourself out of view and knocked your head into the desk’s edge. The collision was certainly loud enough for him to hear, but you kept your pained whine quiet as you cradled your temple.

Your train of thought was quickly growing fuzzy, unsure of what to do or where to go.

Was it best to run?

What if he was faster?

Would your chances be better if you found another place to hide?

Probably not… He already knew where you were, and you weren’t sure where else you could even go.

All you knew was that you couldn’t stay where you were. If his eyes were still trained on the mirror, you would probably be better off going back the way you came. Maybe there was a gap in the crate that you could worm through to hide. It would be like you disappeared.

You turned back in that direction, and as you were about to dart back to the safety of your original hiding spot, two legs stepped in front of you.

You gasped, sliding to a halt just before you could crash into him.

Charlie’s father slowly crouched down to your level as you tilted your head to look up at him, eyes as wide as saucers. His smile was wide, showing off his large, pointed teeth.

“What do we have here?”

Next Chapter

♡ ♡ ♡

Tag List: @spookysisters @for-hearthand-home @crescent-z @mixplara @juskonutoh @tinywolfiegirl @lafy-taffy @glowinthedarkbones1150 @froggybich @darling-angel222 @preciousbabypeter

[the-muppet-joker]

I am shaking with rage.

After my many unpleasant encounters with women these past few days (anon hate, mother being a pest) I updated my DNI to include women. I take my DNI very seriously and expect people offline to respect my boundaries as well. Naturally, the females in real life have been making this Incredibly. Fucking. Difficult. Fine, I will simply find more Males and Non Binaries to follow on tumblr and continue blogging in my female-free space to avoid their complaining and their feminism. I begin to scroll through the blogs of people I am following to see if the people they reblog from are not pesky women, so that I may follow those people as well.

When lo and behold, I see an intruiging post on one such blog about vultures (death and all things related to it captivate my twisted mind). I see it was reblogged from someone who, in their description, refers to themselves as a "Mr. Strange." I am delighted to find a male, and even more delighted to find someone with a strange and dark mind similar to my own. I scroll for a bit and. What's this? A screenshot with a youtube channel, the same name as this tumblr user.

The screenshot contains a Woman, but I assume this to be a guest on Mr. Strange's channel, at best. Certainly not a fellow host, and certainly not Mr. Strange himself.

I venture to the Youtube Channel. The female is on every thumbnail. My hands close into fists. Right before I fly into a rage, I remember a crucial piece of information: The Transgenders! This is clearly just a Transgender Male who dresses in a feminine manner. Why else would this person go by Mr. Strange? I smile to myself, relieved. I'm sorry, Mr. Strange for mistaking you for a female.

I was mistaken. After many confusing videos and video titles, I realize that Mr. Strange is not their name. It is a joke. A mockery of us men. I have been unknowinly watching. A woman. For hours. I am so enraged, and I am lucky that my boyfriends (K and J) are here to calm me down or I would go dark mode fucking permanently. Men, be warned: the woman's account is Strange Aeons. If you see a "Mr. Strange," remind yourself: A WOMAN.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Is it Possible To Have A Badass Assassin And Hitman GN Reader That Was Once Feared On Earth In The Criminal Underworld Due To Their Lethality, Efficiency, And Effectiveness. They Were so feared in fact That They were called 'The Silent Menace' 'The Deathhound' 'The Bloodhound' And Even 'The Herald Of Death' Due to the fact no one in their missions even survive Them. Even The Most Powerful Criminal Organization/s Would Not Even Dare Risk Their Wrath. But Despite That, They Are Very Kind, Respectful, And Well-Mannered. But They Died During A Failed Mission and Was Sent To Valhalla. The Gods And The Humans There Knew Of The Hitman/Assassin Because of Their Countless Victims Spreading Their Dreaded Infamy And Those Rumors/Info Reached The Ears Of The Gods On A Vast Majority Of The Pantheons In Valhalla. The Reader Also Wear Only The Archetypical Business Suits As Befitting of Their Profession.

RoR Gods And Humans are Up to your choice.

Also, Reader Met Them (Gods/Humans) When The Reader Accidentally Bumped Into Them(Gods/Humans). and The rest of the interaction is up to you.

-The Herald of Death, that’s what so many knew you by, you were considered a boogeyman to those on the illegal side of the law.

-You were a hitman, carrying out any assassination you were paid to do without fail, and if there were other people around, you left no witnesses, unless it was an innocent.

-Despite being very good at your job, you did have a conscious, you refused to harm an innocent, such as a hostage, or just some random person who was nearby who happened to see.

-One good thing about those who could be targets, you were very expensive, due to your skills, so if someone hired you, they paid a hefty sum beforehand.

-Your work was always thorough, clients never had a complaint about you, unless if someone else paid you to off them then they would bitch you out while trying to run in vain.

-In the end, you were taken out in a car accident, a drunk driver blew a red light after you dropped a hunk of your money to some of the struggling restaurants you enjoyed, to keep them in business.

-When you awoke in Valhalla, you were almost relieved, you could finally relax a bit, no more contract hits, no more getting shot at, no long nights staking out your targets.

-However, as you enjoyed your newfound freedom, you heard many talking about you, your alias, The Herald of Death, about how you were here in Valhalla, but nobody knew what you looked like.

-It was almost embarrassing to hear people talking about you like you were a monster coming to get them, but you kept quiet and kept your head low, tending to your tomato garden.

-However, when gods started to poke around, curious about this Herald, you just wanted to crawl back into bed and hide, as you wanted to leave that life behind finally.

-Only one person knew exactly who you were, Brunnhilde, a Valkyrie, the one who brought you to Valhalla, but she had left you be, letting you live in peace, that is, until Ragnarok was announced, and she needed fighters.

-You knew who was at the front door when you heard the knocks, anticipating her arrival and you invited Brunnhilde in, giving her some cookies that you had baked.

-You agreed to fight, on one condition, that afterward, if you won and if humanity survived, you wanted to be left alone with anything to do with fighting or killing others and she agreed.

-Before the tournament, you were going to meet the other champions, as well as the fighters of the gods, a meeting between the two sides, to go over the rules of the tournament.

-You straightened your tie, wearing your tailored custom fit black suit with a swallowtail jacket, before you entered the meeting room.

-Seeing the two sides on either side of a large table reminded you of other, similar, meetings.

-Attention went to you, your very professional attire didn’t look like something a warrior would wear, and Zeus was a little cocky, “Who’s this, a butler?”

-You remained silent as Brunnhilde spoke, “This is our last champion, may I introduce Y/N. However, many don’t know them by that name, you might have heard about a Herald of Death recently.”

-Jaws dropped all around, you looked so normal, so unassuming before the room was filled with shouting, some in anger, demanding that you not fight, while others wanted to fight you, wanting to test your skills.

-You remained neutral faced, but Jack could see that you were exasperated and rather tired looking, like you just wanted to relax, but you were going to fight for this quiet life of yours.

-Loki floated over, poking at your cheeks, being what would have been an annoyance to others, but you didn’t really care as he pouted, “Hmm, you don’t look like a hitman.”

-Your smile was warm and dazzling, making his heart freeze as you seemed to light up the room, “Looks don’t matter if you leave no witnesses~”

-Almost instantly you had whipped Loki as he melted, smiling up at you with a dorky grin, something Brunnhilde rolled her eyes at before the meeting was adjourned.

-Loki tried to shoot his shot with you, “I hope we’re partnered together, Y/N~ I would love to fight with you~” you heard his flirt, and you were able to get an even stronger hold on his heart, “If you think you can handle it, sweetie.”

-You chuckled as Brunnhilde swatted your arm lightly, not hurting you, “Stop flirting!” the others were very impressed by how quickly you were able to win over a god, it made them all a bit more curious about you.

-You sure didn’t seem like a stone-cold killer but looks are deceiving.

[apathetic-pixel-42]

Hiii I love your writings so much! <3 May I request Ren and Yoh with a Neko girl S/O who acts as their #1 support in battle from heeling to taking hits for them even if it's super dangerous?

Yoh Asakura and Ren Tao With A Neko Girl S/O Who's His #1 Support! 🐈

Yoh Asakura:

When Yoh first met you, his eyes were immediately drawn to your feline features.

He couldn’t help but be reminded of Matamune, which made him feel a little more comfortable around you.

Your cat-like features are similar to Matamune’s and often send him into stages of nostalgia. Because of this, he often goes out of his way to spend time with you.

He found your supportive personality attractive. Having someone in his corner is always reassuring for him, even if he doesn’t need it.

The first couple times you took care of him after his shaman fight, he was actually kind of surprised.

The rest of the group trusted Yoh a lot, so they often didn’t check up on him unless he was injured. Yet, you made the effort to make sure he was okay even if he was completely fine.

He started to become really appreciative of it, because even if he was perfectly fine physically, sometimes the fights took a toll on him mentally. After all, it’s hard to stay laid back all the time.

The first time you took a massive hit for him, he literally almost broke down. You had taken a hit from Marco, who was always pretty merciless with his attacks.

He was VERY tempted to beat the shit out of Marco, but he knew that wouldn’t solve anything. He quickly brought you to Faust to get you all healed up.

Assuming you got knocked out, he was so relieved when you woke up. He did scold you for scaring him and for being so reckless, but he made up for it in affection.

He would literally never let you leave his sight for the next couple days. Yes, he’s paranoid, but he does eventually calm down.

Ren Tao:

In the beginning of your relationship, he absolutely hated how willing you were to take hits for him. As much as he appreciates it, he does NOT want to have to deal with you potentially dying to save him.

Your neko features never bothered him or anything, but he hates how silently you move around. He made sure to give you some kind of bell to attach to your clothes, so you stop sneaking up on him.

He’s often kinda embarrassed about you cheering him on. It’s nothing bad, it’s just that he’s never really had people in his corner before. Plus, it’s kinda embarrassing when you’re cheering the loudest.

He got super embarrassed when you joined his family in cheering him on. He made you swear you would never do it again.

He doesn’t mind you taking care of his injuries, especially given that he’s the one that normally takes the heavy hits, but he leaves the bigger injuries to Faust.

He does occasionally get flustered when you’re bandaging him up, since he normally does it himself. It’s also just a weirdly intimate thing for him because you’re fully touching him.

The first time you took a hit for him, he literally almost killed you himself when you woke up. He was so upset about you risking your life for him, no matter how many times you explained to him that you were okay with it.

He loves you a lot, so he hates seeing you injured. As much as he appreciates it, he also gets pretty paranoid about it afterwards.

He’ll cool it once you tell him to, but he often keeps an eye on you now whenever you both are on the battlefield.

[androcola]

So when it comes to Michael, does he have an autoimmune disease like Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, or Fibromyalgia? I could see his muscles and joints tensing up like they are in mid lift and it lasting hours. The pain can be excruciating and your whole body gets sore to the touch and you sweat excessively from the strain. He could be in the middle of walking and talking and then his body just tightens up and Micky has to carefully lift him because at that point his feet become lobster claws and are impossible to walk on. Sometimes it even can give you Bell’s Palsy symptoms and it forces your neck muscles to painfully twist to one side, tendons popping, mouth droops, liquid fire shoots up your neck, and you can’t talk. Your hands turn into claws too and you can’t pick anything up. Sometimes it can last for hours to even days and it can cause tendons to snap with the pressure. People sometimes will rock back and forth to relieve the tension or rub their feet together causing painful sores. Sometimes Lidocaine patches with the high dosage of 5% can help with the pain, muscle relaxers, or even simple ice, or heat. There’s never one clear solution and each experience can call for something else. You’re never too sure what’s going to work. But don’t let him near (NSAIDs) because they are great for pain and inflammation but they cause intestinal bleeding. I’d like to see Michael try one of those freezing chambers to help his pain that athletes use! I think he would freak out but usually the people stand right next to you and talk to you to distract ya from the below zero temperatures. Then he can go home and pass out blissfully for 2 days straight because it makes you feel that good.

Agh!! I could also see him suffering from debilitating cluster migraines.

Due to his meds that lower your immune system to stop it from attacking your body, Michael would be susceptible to getting sick a lot with flu, colds, pneumonia, stomach bugs, infections, etc etc… someone in the pad is sick…welp so is Michael. Sighs.

A lot of his symptoms reminds me of them. Or even Crohns or Ulcerative Colitis cause similar issues from stomach and intestinal to joint and muscle pain. Crohns could also cause issues within the mouth and throat like deep linear ulcers and lesions. I recently learned acid reflux, if not taken care of, can cause cancer of the throat. A lot of diseases obviously cause anxiety, depression, rapid weight loss, weakness, tenderness to the stomach and chest areas, pain in back and tail bone, chest pain, fast heart rate, palpitations, arms going numb, the risk of your intestines twisting, GERD, the risk of blockage in bowel and the intestinal lining thickening due scar tissue, breathing issues, painful stomach bloating, vomiting, diarrhea, and constipation. I could see Michael having to go on a very high dosage of Prednisone (steroids) for any of the diseases mentioned. He could get extremely angry, irritable, losing his temper, can’t keep still so cleans the house constantly despite it being spotless, non-stop talking, cooking and baking everything under the sun, can’t control his eating, absolutely ravenous, and gaining some weight in the process. That weight can be tricky to get rid of it’s mostly due to water weight, but overtime it’ll go away once you’re feeling better and can move around. But make sure he doesn’t get off his steroids too quickly. It causes painful drug withdrawals. Ooof. There’s just so much. XD sorry. I live with family who are doctors, surgeons, morticians, pharmacists, and those with these diseases including me so I like to kinda discuss these things and also torture poor Michael. Heh.

ouh waow. OKAY

So mikes arthritis is just osteo arthritis. he's had many MANY repeated and severe injuries throughout his life, coupled with bad habits and not really caring for his body the way he should, which likely contributed to the development of his arthritis. he's a very stressed out and sick guy and never entirely learns proper self care, so he has constant and very painful flare ups, mainly in his knees, wrists, elbows, ankles and fingers, which often causes very painful swelling and can make it extremely hard to do things some days, including just walking, feeding himself, personal hygiene, etc etc. He probably has about half a million different pain killers and spends some days totally knocked out on them 😓 usually during bad flare ups he'll soak in a hot bath to relieve the swelling and pain.

as for his immune system, he does have a very poor immune system and is kinda sick with Something on almost a Weekly basis. constant flus, colds, fevers, stomach bugs, and he does get pneumonia very often. constant infections like sinus infections, ear infections, etc etc. he can get sick Very easily. even if someone around him has the most Minor cold, if he gets it, it'll put him out for about a week. Cold and wet weather is dangerous treading ground for him cuz he really is very susceptible to pneumonia and often ends up in the hospital because of it. he has to bundle up HEAVILY. especially when he's younger and extremely underweight.

during the height of his ED, his sicknesses would be a million times worse because his body was just far too weak to fight any of it. there are several times where he's nearly died as a result. by the time he's older, mainly around the 80s, he's able to manage a bit better now that his body is nourished, but it still has less energy than that of an average man.

he also has terrible allergies that, without medication, can cause break outs of hives, terrible sinus headaches and pressure in his head, swelling eyes, trouble breathing, just general misery. he takes some very heavy allergy medications and they usually do the trick most of the time.

he does have chronic stomach issues due to his ED, considering the fact that it lasted So long. literally about 10 years. the fact he made it so long is a miracle with how bad it was. He has a hard time with digestion and gets bad stomach aches often, and has some...bathroom trouble quite often.

sometimes if he over eats, sometimes he ends up throwing up what he ate unintentionally. he can't have very big meals for a long time. I think his stomach has permanent damage from all the abuse.

he also has weaker bones due to his ED and is much more prone to breaks and fractures . what wouldn't break a bone in someone else might break a bone in him, and it takes a little longer for him to heal.

he does get cluster headaches! those are very very terrible and unfortunately are also chronic. his suffered a lot of head trauma throughout his life, mostly due to his father. his migraines are very scary because one moment it'll feel very mild, as if in the blink of an eye, it'll be like someones taken an icepick behind his eye. often times he ends up in such debilitating pain that he just loses all control, screaming and crying, or moaning and sobbing, writhing in excruciating pain.

the guys feel very helpless in this all because there really isn't anything they can do at all. they can't always be prevented, and they can't be cared for when they're in full swing. the only thing they can do is sit by his bedside and hold his hand and try their best to soothe him while he screams and cries.

eventually in his older age, around his 50s, he ends up with heart issues. likely due to his ED, and chronic stress and also lowkey a caffeine addiction. and eventually he ends up on medication for his heart. and of course, as you inspired for me, POTS! he's been on like half a million medications throughout his life, and has a large sack full of different meds. he has like a fuckin pharmacies worth 😭 he spends his whole life so sick and in and out of hospitals constantly

also, after his car wreck in 1974, he ends up with a permanent limp. it was much more severe and noticable throughout the 70s and into the early 80s, but eventually it lessens a little, but is definitely still noticable. he went thru EXTENSIVE rehab and physical therapy due to the severity of the accident, but still has some recurring aches and pains related to it.

TL;DR: mike is their medical baby ❤️

[nerdygaymormon]

This conference was really hard for me and I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Pres Nelson and Oaks' talks really made me reevaluate my place in the church and whether or not I want to be here anymore as a queer person. It just feels like everyone just wants us to leave so they can go on pretending the plan of salvation isn't presented in a way that writes out lgbtq people and does so cheerfully.

I also suffer from an eating disorder and when I tried to explain to my older sister in her late twenties that what president nelson said was hurtful, she told me that "well if food is your god, then you are offending the lord because it should just be Jesus. addiction is when something replaces god for you" which made me feel really discouraged and ashamed. Even though I know having an addiction isn't like that logically it still stung. I don't know. Basically I just want to say thanks for being honest about conference because I can't be at home. You're words have brought me a lot of comfort.

Back in the day I used to read blogs of queer Mormons, and they usually followed a similar arc. They were newly home from their mission and then had to grapple with the fact their queerness didn't go away. Things would start very faithful with a commitment to always be an active member, and would progress to them being more critical of the church and then no more entries.

Those blogs meant a lot to me because there was someone like me, but their story wasn't the same as mine.

When I started this blog, one of my goals was to write honestly about what it's like to exist in this space. I thought that one day historians would be interested in what it was like to be a queer person living through this period of LDS history. What did queer people at that time think, feel, and experience? What surprised me is that some currently-living people were interested in what I share.

It's always tempting to put a positive spin on things, to present myself in the best light, like I have everything figured out, but that's not reality. Sharing about being suicidal, crying about how hard therapy was for my social anxiety, my experience with reparative therapy, and how I was hurt by something said in General Conference are very much a part of this experience of being a queer Latter-day Saint, that's why I write about them in my blog.

Sometimes I worry I'm being too raw, too open, too negative, that I share too much. Your message is a good reminder that it's important to be honest so that we can see we aren't alone. Our stories have power! The power to help each other and the power to change the hearts of others.

———————————————————

I'm sorry you don't have family who you can talk to about these things. I don't either. Having a few close friends I can message about hard things is important to me and I hope you have some in your life.

———————————————————

What was said about eternal marriage isn't new, and I've built up some callouses to it, but to have it emphasized like it was in General Conference still hurts, especially how President Nelson linked queerphobic statements with "think Celestial."

Calling people sinners because they deal with mental health issues, like eating disorders, was unexpected and pierced me as I hadn't built up my guard against such rhetoric. Since I shared my reaction on social media, I've received many comments like your sister's.

President Nelson was a heart surgeon. Would he believe that people with heart issues were offending God, that they were worshiping their heart problem instead of God? What the heck?!! It doesn't make sense. Many people dealing with hard things turn to God for help.

I'm pretty sure God wants to help heal us. I don't think our personal trials offend Him. If anything, He hurts with us and for us. Jesus invites healing, not shame.

These "addictions" that President Nelson attacked are ways a person's mind and body try to cope with hard things. My mental health challenges come from being a queer Latter-day Saint and are ways my body & mind have coped with the emotional trauma and dissonance. So many queer folks have eating disorders and anxiety disorders. I'm glad our bodies protect us from worse consequences, but it sucks that this is a common result for queer people who try to be religious. Most non-queer members don't recognize there is a high cost to be paid by us, and I want them to know these are the fruits of the anti-queer teachings and policies

Please know you are loved. There is an online community of queer Mormons who know what you're feeling and who are pulling for you. If you need help, there are resources

please visit these if you are queer and need help:

Only to age 24: @trevorproject@utahtrevorproject (Utah) @encircletogether (Utah)

In Utah: @flourishtherapyinc @celebratetherapy

Active LDS: @liftandloveorg (national&online)

National: @glaad @988lifeline (involves law enforcement)

[e-mmygrey]

History Must Repeat Itself - Chapter 3

Thank you for the love so far. I wrote this in 2022 as a break from writing my book. I haven't looked at it since then so please excuse the use of commas where it definitely should be a period. I've gone through this chapter.

Last two chapters were about 3k words each. This one is 6k whoops... anyways, enjoy! (Also I don't know how to link the series masterlist soooo just go to my page lol)

----

October 1984

        I was relieved my life fell into a comfortable and easy routine. After a brief conversation with the manager, who I left a really good impression on, I got the bookstore job. I got to stand around, organizing and reading as many books as I wanted. It was peaceful and smelled significantly better than the arcade. The lighting was better too. I felt right at home, surrounded by thousands of pages.

And for the first time that I could remember, I had friends who made me sad to think about leaving Hawkins.

Robin Buckley visited the bookstore when she wasn't working at her own job. When the store was absolutely empty, we'd grab sheet music and create impromptu drums, and have contests of who could sight read faster. Robin and I were too competitive, money quickly being put on the line. At school, most of my lunches were spent with her and the other artsy high schoolers. They were a group who mostly got left alone by the assholes, but when the popular kids would attempt to bully them, they usually embarrassed themselves. Robin was hilarious; so quirky and never stopped talking. It gave me a moment to relax during my day. She was easily my best friend in Hawkins.

My other best friend was Eddie Munson, the long haired boy with the locker next to Mr. Murphy's classroom. Though it was a friendship, I may have a small crush on him that I wouldn't be admitting to any time soon. The crush became solidified when Eddie surprised me at work one day. I'd mentioned working at Books Stop while at Eddie's locker one morning, but I didn't think he was paying attention. He was always people watching. I was proven wrong when he walked in with a salad from the restaurant next door. My cheeks flared pink when he approached the counter, putting down the paper bag with a grin on his face.

"Hey sweetheart. Figured you'd be hungry on this quiet Sunday afternoon."

My heart melted a little at the chocolate brown eyes and dimples in front of me. That day too, Eddie learned something about me that he didn't expect. Filling my mouth with lettuce, I glanced at Eddie, flipping through a Dungeons and Dragons rule book. He already owned it but, 'you never know'.

"Where do you get that weed from?" I asked between chews.

Eddie's eyes shot up to me, hand frozen mid-flip. I continued munching as he shut the thick book. Fear sparkled in his eyes. He pointed at me, opening his mouth then shutting it again. I smirked as he processed my question. A giggle slipped between my lips at the discomfort.

"The answer to your question is no, I'm not grossed out and yes, I smoke weed," I said, hand in front of my mouth. "It's been a while, but whatever you've got smells really good."

A smile broke across Eddie's face before he laughing out of relief. His reaction made me laugh too.

After that day, my adoration for Eddie Munson blossomed. We had very similar musical tastes, which surprised him. I needed to remind him I'd spent the last two years in Seattle. It was a musical hub, especially punk music.

The few times I needed to destress at night due to the frustration of being thrust into the adult role of the house, I called Eddie. He'd pick me up and we drove to one of the local parks. We didn't always smoke weed. Sometimes we laid around, staring at the stars and talked. Or we'd listen to music in my bedroom. I'd been to the trailer where Eddie lived with his uncle, but usually we're at my house since I was on babysitting duty. 

People harassed Eddie daily and I wanted to kick every single one of them. It made me so angry because he was an absolute miracle. They didn't see past his leathers.

          Tonight was a late night with Eddie. I was studying, and though he tried his best to get me out, he sit on my bedroom floor. He distracted me fairly quickly. Studying abandoned, Eddie insisted on stories about every item he found which eventually morphed into our regular conversations about our lives. Under my open bedroom window, I fell asleep across Eddie's lap. 

I jolted awake to a fist pounding on my closed door. Sitting up, I noticed Eddie was still here and asleep, leaning against the wall.

"Jess, let's go! We're going to be late. Do I have to call Billy? He's going to be pissed-" Madison pushed my door open, gasping at the strange boy on the floor who wasn't here when she went to bed. Eddie jumped when I pushed off the ground, knocking his legs. My eyes snapped to the clock on my side table. Madison was right, we were going to be late for school.

"Who the hell's that?" Madison snapped, hand on her hip.

"Madison, watch your mouth! Make me a tea and I'll meet you in the car," I shouted at her, running around my room and grabbing a change of clothes.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to leave by the front door. I think your sister knows I'm here," Eddie said, walking to my bedroom door.

I paused, looking at my friend. He was smirking at me, leaning against the frame.

"Do you want a ride to school?" I asked, throwing jeans onto my bed, knowing he'd walked here last night.

"Sure, thanks."

"Okay, go introduce yourself to my scarred sister and grab food. I'll be ready in three minutes."

I shut the door in his face before I stripped my pants off. I could hear Eddie laughing as he walked down the stairs. Glancing in the mirror, my hair was in the braids I put it in after my shower. I grabbed my bag, hoping everything I needed was inside. If not, Robin would have whatever I forgot. Making sure the clasps of my bra was done up, I grabbed the first long-sleeved shirt I saw in and rushed out of my room.

I snatched the full reusable water bottle out of the fridge. I was thankful to be over prepared. I'd made my sister's lunch the night before and I knew her homework was done. Walking out the front door, I saw Madison sitting in the front seat.

"Madison, get in the back! Eddie is not the one in middle school," I yelled.

When I got to the car, they'd switched. I was grateful Madison listened. She didn't always, but I'm glad she chose to this morning. I didn't know if it was a skill my mother or I had taught her. Eddie was smirking at me as I backed out of the driveway. I hated how funny he thought this was.

"Please tell me you don't need anything for school," I commented.

"If I did, I wouldn't tell you. I don't think you could mentally handle the detour."

I flipped him off and took a long drink of tea at one of the few red lights in Hawkins.

"Do you know your hair is still in braids?" Madison asked, her voice hesitant.

I nodded. "Can you take them out for me, please? Just toss the elastics in the cup holder."

My sister's fingers delicately moved across my head. It was a relaxing sensation and truthfully, what I needed. An apple suddenly blocked my view of the road. I glanced at Eddie, half a smile on his face.

"You want fruit?"

An absurd laugh sputtered at his question. The stress of waking up late evaporated just from his presence alone. Eddie chuckled, taking a bit of the apple and held it out again. Rolling my eyes, I took a bite. I raised my eyebrows in thanks and he winked.

"Are you two dating?"

I glanced at Madison through the rearview mirror. She was teasing. My sister had expectations of how to be introduced to my boyfriends. The fact I'd only ever mentioned Eddie as a friend was enough to her.

"No, I'm a magical hobo who tricked your sister into letting me into your house. I now live in your basement," Eddie explained around a mouthful of apple. Madison was silent then burst out in unfiltered laughter in the backseat.

"Well magical hobo, come through the front door next time. I don't need a heart attack. I have a fear of unsolicited nudity."

Tears were gathering at the corners of my eyes, unable to hold back at their banter.

"Though my diet is based on such fears, I accept your request," Eddie said. I forced myself to calm down, now surrounded by other moving cars near the school.

        As we pulled into the nearly full parking lot, Madison leaned forward and took a drink from my tea. I pulled to my regular spot beside the blue Camaro. Glancing at the clock, I was surprised the space was still available this close to the bell.

"I'm going over to Max's to study tonight. I'll be home for dinner though. Her step-dad was insistent that I couldn't stay," Madison said as we got out of the car.

"I remember. I'll be there at the usual time," I told her. Across the football field, the middle school's bell rang. "Go! Don't be late and tell your teacher it was my fault."

Madison waved and ran away. I glanced at Eddie over the car's roof. He looked at me with a soft expression. My eyebrows scrunched together as my silent response. Another car door opened and shut behind me,

"You're really good with your sister."

My face warmed, and I awkwardly shrugged. "Thank you. Years of experience."

A warm body stop at my shoulder. Eddie looked at the person, his smile disappeared and all friendliness was gone. I knew who it was. Glancing back and up, Billy was glaring with his jaw clenched. I hadn't noticed Billy sitting in his car when we pulled in. These days, he usually waited at my locker.

Eddie cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'll talk to you later, Jess."

I turned to say bye, but Eddie was walking away. Sighing, I faced Billy. Opening my mouth to chastise him for scaring away my friend, I noticed the bruising on his cheek.

As I'd suspected, Billy hadn't changed his behaviour at school. He was still the flirty asshole to me and every other girl. To most people, he was just an asshole. Since September, he'd been involved with three fights including one where he tried to beat up Eddie for 'looking at him wrong'. I refused to speak with Billy for a week. He cornered me on the Friday after, muttering a shitty apology how he'd 'embarrassed the freak at school'. I didn't accept it, but he didn't care. 

Now a full two months into our 'friendship', the Billy I saw while picking Madison up was different. Our conversations almost always hit the hour long mark. At first, Billy made sure all conversations stayed surface level, never saying any information that actually revealed anything about ourselves. 

He slipped one day though, when I mentioned the abuse my mother inflicted on my father during my childhood. Billy subtly admitted that his father hit him along with other abuses. After that, he allowed our conversations to fall into more serious topics sometimes. Knowing he hated looking weak, I tried to keep our conversations were about something dumb or music. Surprisingly, we had similar tastes. I'd mentioned to him that Eddie listened to the same stuff. He wasn't impressed about that. I liked that Billy. I even reciprocated the flirting sometimes.

Seeing the black and blue spot on his cheekbone, my fingers began to reach up. I caught myself, pulling my hand to my chest. Looking into his eyes, I had a hard time understanding his emotions. He looked angry but not? He'd caught my movement though and knew what I was going to do.

"What was the freak doing in your car?" Billy asked, clenching his teeth.

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Eddie needed a ride. His van is acting up, I guess. We're friends, so he called me."

"Yeah, and he made you late."

"What does that matter to you?" I shook my head. "Anyways, it doesn't matter. I just want to remind you, don't bug Madison and Max too much after school. They've got a test tomorrow and they're ready, but I know they're still freaked out which means they'll be stress-studying."

Billy continued to stare, clenching his jaw. He stepped forward and moved his hands to my face. My head jolted back in surprise. He went from angry to trying to kiss me? His hands dropped and whatever emotion was in his eyes faded. I glanced at the few people standing outside the school. They were staring, leaning into each other and whispering.

I cleared my throat and gave him a small smile. "Can we talk later? I feel weird talking here."

Billy scoffed and dramatically rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever, skank," he called over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Billy, what the hell?" 

Everyone in the parking lot turned. Billy looked too, a predatory grin spread across his face. I felt the need to shrink back, but I did my best to stay straight.

"What, can't take the fact that I don't want you? You think I was actually friends with you? I'm only nice to you to get in your pants. I wanted to see if the rumours were as good as they sounded," Billy said in a booming voice. He wanted everyone to heard. "News flash, sweetheart. You've got big tits and that's the only thing appealing about you."

"Billy, please. I don't understand what's going on. Is this because of your eye or," I whispered, so even the closest student couldn't hear. It was the wrong thing to say. Billy's eyes flashed with fury.

Billy strutted towards me. I'd seen this side of Billy once before, but we'd been alone and he wasn't thriving off the energy of his nasty friends. The bruise was from his father and he was angry. At himself, at his father, at the world. Just like before, I was the easiest target. I looked at him, waiting for more words of assault. His anger wasn't simmering, and he continued forward. I kept my face neutral, taking deep breaths. It was gross to know I'd learned how to react to this behaviour throughout my life. Now Billy Hargrove, high school asshole, was looming over me. His eyes were flickering around my face, searching for a reaction.

"I assume you're only good for one thing, but since you're so much of a prude, I guess we'll never find out. The lead up hasn't been great either, just to let you know. But any warm mouth will do though."

The wheels were turning in Billy's head as the words stopped. He was running out of things to say. He was already lying. We'd never even kissed. The furthest we'd gone was watching a scary movie with the girls, I grabbed his hand during a jump scare and then fell asleep on his shoulder.

Billy raised his hand, pointing his finger in my face. As he opened his mouth to spew something else, a body stepped in front of me.

"Alright, Hargrove. Time to back off and take a breath. I'm sure you've bothered her enough."

It took me a moment to realise it was Steve Harrington in front of me. A menacing grin spread on Billy's face, throwing his arms in the air.

"Harrington! You have a little crush on this trailer trash? Or are her skills satisfactory for you? I usually like someone who knows what they're doing, but big tits might be enough to get you off."

I stepped out from behind Steve, to see Billy's face. His anger was entirely focused on Steve. My eyes searched the growing crowd. Nancy stood at the front of the gawking teenagers. She clutched the collar of her shirt, watching the confrontation with wide eyes. I mentally thanked my friend for sending her boyfriend over even if he wasn't very skilled with physical confrontation.

"Billy, just let it go. You're drawing more attention than you need," I said in a soft voice.

Billy glanced behind him, his smile twisting when he spotted his friends. Tommy's wicked grin itched for me to hit him. I'd risk the suspension.

"Don't want everyone to know about your skills? Or lack thereof?" Billy asked.

I placed my hand on Steve's bicep, glaring at Billy. "Thank you, Steve. I think we should go, the bell is about to ring."

Steve nodded, gently resting his hand on my lower back. With one last glance at Billy, now glaring at Steve, the crowd parted for us. The students muttered in annoyance, having stood around expecting a fight. When we reached her, Nancy put her arm around my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a low voice, making our way through the quickly dispersing crowd as the first bell rang. I took a deep breath, blinking back the tears I hadn't expected to form. The whole situation built a lot faster than I thought. 

"Yeah, I'm okay. I've faced scarier people," I commented, passing through the doors. "You should see my sister in the morning."

Nancy and Steve chuckled, appreciating my humour. A few people looked in our direction as we walked by. I didn't know if what happened outside had already gone through the school or they were looking at King Steve.

Opening my locker, the couple stood and looked at me with concern.

I smiled at them. "Seriously, I'm okay. Billy just took me by surprise. I lived in Washington DC for a year. I've dealt with children of mobsters and politicians," I shrugged as I put my bag inside. "Besides, I have to stop by his house tonight. My sister is studying there."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Steve asked, his eyebrows curling up under his flopping bangs.

"Thank you, but no. I'll just stay in the car."

Steve nodded, glancing down at Nancy. "I've got to change for gym. See you later?"

She nodded, smiling. He pressed a kiss to her lips quickly before walking away. Nancy watched her boyfriend walk away before turning to me. I looked at her before checking my face in the mirror. I could've had eye goop and not know from how fast we left this morning.

"Are you sure you're okay to go by his house?"

I sighed. "I'm going to be okay." I looked around to check for others' listening. "Because of our sisters being friends, I've spent some alone time with him. He's got anger issues but I don't see him being violent. Towards women at least." I shrugged. "It was a little startling that he yelled, but seriously, I've lived through it before. He's easily frustrated."

Nancy's eyes widened. "Really? So, he isn't always a total douche?"

A chuckle slipped through my lips at Nancy's word choice. I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking out any small knots left over from the braids.

"Everything I've told you is in secret, okay? You can't tell anyone, especially Steve. They've got that weird dick size contest." Nancy nodded vigorously with a tight smirk. I knew Billy trusted me not to spread how nice he could be, but I had to give her something since I'd stood there and let him yell.

"I'll admit his flirting isn't always vulgar. It can be really sweet."

Nancy jutted out her lower lip, taking in what I said. She was completely entranced by my words, but something seemed to catch her attention.

"Before I forget, children of mobsters and politicians? How -"

The bell cut her off, and Nancy looked over her shoulder.

"Oh." She turned back and handed me a small piece of paper. "Come to the Halloween party tomorrow at Tina's. I'll be there, and Steve, and Jonathan too." I watched her eyes gleam at the latter's name but I ignored it. "Just let loose. You can bring your sister to my house if you want? I know she and Mike are friends."

I tapped the paper against my opposite hand, looking down at the bold lettering. "If I can't get my mum to stay home with her, I'll bring her over if she wants. Okay?"

Nancy smiled kindly. "Sounds good. I'll see you in class."

I waved as my friend disappeared into the crowd. I'm glad for Nancy. Unlike Eddie and Robin, she was like springtime. Just soft and kind. No one disliked her. It was refreshing.

          The rest of the day was mentally exhausting. People kept looking at me and whispering. It was like the first day of school all over again. Truthfully, I was only angry Billy disparaged my sexual abilities publicly. I had experience and I was told many times that I was above par. Yeah, it was a petty thing to be proud of but still. I was proud.

Robin refused to leave my side, insisting I eat lunch with her and her friends instead of with the Hellfire pack. She was concerned about Billy continuing his rampage if I was with Eddie again. I did my best to assure her that he wouldn't, but she was certain I'd been blinded by Billy's blue eyes and the kindness he showed me outside of school.

Eddie looked hesitant as I approached at the smokers' corner. Hands in the back pockets of my jeans, I gave him a weak smile. Eddie wrapped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into a hug and away from the familiar faces.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, tugging on the edges of his jean jacket. 

"You're asking me? You're the one who got screamed at. I should be asking you."

I shrugged. "I guess. It was surprising, but Billy doesn't have the greatest calm streak."

Now that we faced each other, Eddie pushed some hair behind my ear. I glanced up from his jacket buttons. He looked concerned, resting his hand against my cheek.

"You don't have to spend time with him."

Eddie in a serious tone wasn't something that happened often. It did warm my heart, even if it was weird. I leaned into his palm.

"I know. I know nothing will happen. Billy will keep his hands to himself. I promise."

Eddie's jaw twitched as he sighed, continuing to stare at me. He didn't believe me. Leaning forward, Eddie placed a soft kiss on my forehead. My heart tightened and I tried to keep the look of surprise off my face. He smirked and released my face, walking back to his accomplices by the road.

          I didn't see Eddie for the rest of the day. The forehead kiss barely left my mind. After school, Robin walked with me to my car, heads together giggling over her dramatic retelling of some embarrassing thing the basketball captain had done in third period. Robin shook her hair back, catching her breath. She fell silent and grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. My gaze snapped up from the ground, expecting to see something horrible from how tightly she held onto me. Instead, all I saw was Billy leaning against his Camaro's driver's side, head down and arms crossed. Robin glanced over, tugging me back to the school.

"It's fine." I sighed. "he's waiting for Madison and his sister. And he can say whatever he wants. I'm in no mood for another confrontation in the parking lot."

She stared at him wearily, but nodded her head. Hearing our feet against the concrete, Billy peeked up. I kept myself from meeting his stare, but I could feel it. Tossing my bag into the backseat, I put my hands on my hips and looked at Robin.

"Do you want a ride home?"

Robin shook her head. "No thanks, band practice. I wanted to make sure you got to your car hassle free."

She glared towards the Camaro before looking at me sweetly. I knew she'd made eye contact with him as her glare had gotten darker for a moment.

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you, Robin. I know you're capable of a lot of damage."

Robin blew me a kiss, heading back to the school as I got into my car. I kept my focus on the steering wheel as I started the engine. Through the rearview mirror, I spotted Max and Madison walking towards the Camaro as I pulled out of the driveway.

I spent my free time in the most boring way. A bit of groceries and essentials shopping then homework. Eddie would be so disappointed when he found out. I glanced at the clock often, knowing I had to pick Madison up by five o'clock. Billy's father was strict on when dinner was served. The closer it got, the more my anxiety grew about seeing the Californian ladies' man.

          As the sun began to set, I stood outside the Hargrove/Mayfield house. I wanted to stay in the car, but I knew better than to honk the horn when Neil Hargrove's car sat in the driveway. Stiffly, I pressed the doorbell. Footsteps thundered inside the house and the door flew opened. I was hoping for my blonde thirteen year old sister, but alas, Billy stood in the open space. He released the door and shoved his hands into his jean pockets, glancing at the porch behind me.

"Jess."

It was an awkward greeting.

"Can you tell my sister I'm here? I'd like to go."

Walking down the porch steps, I heard Billy yell into the house for Madison. The door clicked shut, and footsteps thudded behind me. A hand wrapped around mine, spinning me around. Billy stood, towering over me. He was uncomfortable and it didn't sit well on his face. Almost like he didn't know how to show it.

"Will you please talk to me? I know I messed up."

Scoffing, I yanked my hand away. "I don't know if there's anything to talk about, Billy. You humiliated me and yourself today. Some of those dimwits might find you amusing, but others sure don't. I didn't ask to be your verbal punching bag. Not to mention I didn't do anything to deserve that."

There was a part of me that wanted to yell. But I knew better. Billy wouldn't handle it well. I was getting a brutal headache too.

"Please just let me explain. Come inside and talk."

I took a step backwards and Billy moved with me. He looked desperate for me to listen. The irritating soft spot inside me for Billy was tempted to listen but Madison walked out of the house, with Billy's father staring out the open door. A jolt of anger shot up my spine towards the older man. Did he not understand what he'd done to his son? The monster he'd created inside him?

Madison shifted her eyes between Billy and me as she approached, tentatively. I'm sure what happened this morning had made its way to the middle school. Probably by second period.

I smiled at my sister, handing her the car keys. "Give me a second."

I turned back to Billy as she passed silently. Neil still stood in the doorway. Through the anger I felt for Neil, my protective instincts rose. Billy watched me with his jaw shifting like he was holding back his true emotions and my soft spot won. It was pathetic.

"I have to take my sister home. If you really want to talk, and as I suspect," I glanced at his father for a moment, "don't want anyone to see, come by the house. You get one chance, Billy Hargrove."

I walked to the car, stopping Billy from continuing to flash his puppy dog eyes at me. Sliding in, I rested my head back against the seat. I took a deep breath while I turned the car on. I glanced at my sister.

"So, how was your day?"

My sister smirked, shaking her head. She definitely knew everything that happened. I drove away from the house with the handsome teenager standing outside, staring at me.

"Yes, he stayed on the driveway until we drove away," Madison confirmed, picking at her nails.

"How did you know that's what I was thinking?"

"You may be four years older, but I'm just as observant. Or more so, depending on the situation."

"And in what situations would you be smarter than me?" I glanced at her. A smile spread across her face.

"Okay, first, 'smarter' was your choice of words, not mine. Just making that clear. Second, I'm ridiculously smarter than you when it comes to boys. At least I know when a boy likes me." Smiling, I ignored my sister but she was on a roll. "You know, I'd realise the stoner who let me sleep on his lap was into me, or the player who only spoke to me with hearts in his eyes and with respect also likes me."

"You think Billy respects me? Then you must've heard the wrong story about today," I said, glancing at her. Seeing the interest sparkling in her eyes, I realised I shouldn't be telling her about this. She didn't need to know the details of Billy's insults. I cleared my throat, turning back to the road.

"Anyways, that doesn't matter. Are you ready for your test?"

         After preparing an easy dinner, Madison's Halloween costume was finished and she was in her room doing on homework. With time to myself, I flopped onto my bed. I had my own homework to start, but the orange paper Nancy gave me was weighting my mattress down beside me. I left my mother a note on her pillow before I came in here. Hopefully she'd gift me the night off. She wasn't working. She could actually stay home for once. It wasn't an inconvenience. 

From the move, I had two costumes. One of them, I made in a costuming class in Seattle. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate, but people were more likely to recognize it. Taking a deep sigh, I rubbed my eyes, trying to convince myself to get up. I'd need to iron it and this was the last free time I had before the party.

My body jumped at knocking against my window. Billy was on the other side, a half smile on his face.

"You can enter through the front door," I said, pushing up the window frame.

"I figured I'd give myself a challenge," he said, planting both his feet inside my bedroom. I snorted, sitting back against the pillows on my bed. Billy stood awkwardly, looking around before sitting on my desk chair.

"Are you going to Tina's Halloween party?" he asked, eyes on the orange paper.

"If I can get a babysitter, yeah. I assume you are," I commented, raising my eyebrows.

"Never miss an opportunity to get drunk," he answered with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculously teenage response. He intertwined his fingers, tapping his thumbs. on his hands. He had no idea where to start with an apology.

"Look Billy, before you say anything too grandiose or a lie." My mouth dried. "I'm not sleeping with you. So, if you have that expectation or even hope for the end of this conversation, I'll make it easy for you."

He scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, I expected that. I'm confident in getting into a girl's pants, but after this morning I don't think even Michael Jackson would succeed."

I let out a snort. "If you think my type is Michael Jackson, then we really should never have sex."

He chuckled and the tense eased a little. As the smile fell from his face, his hands rubbed against his thighs. His face twisted and I knew he was getting ready to make things uncomfortable again.

"I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It was just a crappy twelve hours and you showing up with the freak looking rushed and flustered kinda broke the camel's back."

Honestly, it was a better apology than what I imagined. I don't think Billy apologised for anything in his life, especially his behaviour towards other people. I wasn't sure how to bring the next part up without the risk of making him annoyed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, pointing awkwardly to his cheekbone.

Billy continued to rub his thighs, shrugging. "Nothing special. Just the usual way I usually end up with a bruised face."

I nodded. "Is that the only bruised spot?"

"Yeah, he only took one swing. Got it all out, I guess."

"Can I ask what happened?" I shifted to the edge of my bed, letting my feet rest against the rug. He half shrugged, but his face lost a little stress.

"Max was out with those weird kids from school. I was supposed to be watching her, apparently."

I nodded, understanding the unsaid words. When Neil asked him where Max was and Billy didn't know, Mr. Hargrove always mentioned (for the first time) that Billy should be watching Max. And since Billy hadn't read his mind, his face was the result of Neil's anger. 

"Speaking of freaks, why was Munson with you?" Billy asked, his voice stronger and irritated.

"I'm pretty sure you said weird, not freak," I responded, smirking at him. Billy looked at me, rolling his eyes.

"Same thing."

I rolled my eyes half heartedly. "Like I said earlier, Eddie needed a ride to school and I gave it to him."

"You don't live anywhere near the trailer park," Billy stated.

"As you said. I almost made Madison late for school," I said, shrugging.

He was staring at me now. I stared back, biting on my tongue lightly. There was no way to say Eddie slept over without Billy turning into an asshole again. I stood, sticking my hands into my pockets.

"Thank you for the apology. I accept but, we're not hunky dory. I don't think that's going to make much of a difference at school anyways," I paused. "But thank you. I want to slash your tires a little less."

Billy chuckled, standing too. Even standing across the room from each other, he loomed over me. His eyes reflected honesty. He was handsome and the corners of his lips were turned up enough to soften his face. His lips were kissable. I squeezed my jaw, bringing myself back to the present. Not what I need to be thinking about right now.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

His mouth turned into a half smile, and I knew he saw me looking at his lips. Thankfully, he only stuck his hand out to me.

"Acquaintances with little sisters who are friends?"

I chuckled, his words were ridiculous but accurate. I placed my hand against Billy's palm. His hand was huge, his fingers almost connecting around my hand. He shook our hands once with force. I laughed at the formality. A smile cracked across his face, a genuine smile. He tugged me towards him, catching me by my hips as my feet tangled. My hands instinctively grabbed Billy's forearms, and I looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

"I told you we aren't having sex, Billy."

"Yeah, I know," Billy muttered, brushing one hand down the side of my face. He pushed my wild hair back off my shoulder. He began to lean forwards and my eyes shut, expecting pressure against my lips. Instead, it was on my cheek. I looked at Billy with surprise as he stood straight, dropping his hands away from me.

"I couldn't tempt myself," Billy explained, winking. I felt a little dazed. What just happened?

As he threw his leg over the window frame, Billy looked back at me once more. "You do know you're going to sleep with me one day, right?"

I wrapped my arms across my chest, chuckling. "In your dreams, Hargrove."

"You know it," he said with another wink and disappeared onto the roof.

A shot of adrenaline ran through me, tempting me to call him back. My brain created images of what Billy Hargrove could do to my body. Tingles followed his imaginary hands. Instead, I shut the window. Pushing out the temptation. I could still feel the weight of Billy's lips on my cheek and his scent lingered. I flopped face first onto my bed. I was screwed.

[totkdaily]

Day 4: The Temple of Time, and Zelda

I think those frogs are in every cave. I also find some strange flowers that explode on impact. The radius is bigger than I'm used to.

In the dawn light I see that dragon in the sky again. Is it Naydra? It's hard to tell at this distance.

I reach the last of the three shrines Rauru pointed me to just as my cold protection meal wears off. Once I finish there, I get back to the fire in the nick of time before I freeze solid. Every time I see a fire I hope for people, but so far the whole... island? Seems deserted, apart from ghosts and long-abandoned machines. This ruined place is beautiful and lonely. It reminds me of Hyrule after the Calamity, before we began to rebuild. Something very old died here. 

I have found some warm trousers - a relief. I'm reminded of another ghost, who sent me running around after Sheikah shrines on the Great Plateau, and who gave me his warm jacket. It feels like a long time ago. But I still don't know when, let alone where, I am.

Returning to the Temple of Time I find an enormous glowing teardrop stone. I touch it with Rauru's hand - it seems the key to most things here - and enter some strange dreamspace. I see her! 

She’s dressed strangely, in a similar style to the gown she wore to the Spring of Wisdom so many years ago. Her jewellery is in the same style as that of the long-dead Rauru. She won’t - can’t? - look at me. She reaches out a hand to me, and I take it with Rauru’s. Even through the strangeness of the grasp I feel reassured by her presence.

She does something to Rauru's hand, some yellow glow like her sealing power - only this time she gives power to me. And then she fades from view, and I am left without her again. 

Was this all the Steward meant, when it said she was waiting for me? Is she not truly here? It was such a fragile hope I had, and yet I still feel shattered by the loss of it. The ability she imparted is to do with time. It feels like a clue. Who is out of time - her, or me?

There's a goddess statue here, and I'm relieved by another familiar sight. I knew another Temple of Time, in ruins on the Great Plateau. Was this towering structure its predecessor or its inheritor? There's still so much I do not know, though I've been here for days.

Rauru only now tells me of a fourth shrine. I thought there would be one more - the Sheikah shrines worked in fours, so there’s clearly some connection. The power they have to remove that Gloom creature's corruption is incredible. Could they somehow heal the sword? I wouldn’t know how to go about it. I’m sure Zelda will be able to work it out when I find her.

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

Tropes game <3

I love when a Giant looms over a tiny. Seeing their head crane back, especially if they stumble backwards. That look of awe and fear on their face as they take in the colossal size difference?? *chefs kiss*

Alrighty I’m not the best with analyzing things but let’s go.

Looming over someone is a very intimidating thing, it’s a simple form of showing off power to another person. In a way it’s saying “I’m in charge.” G/t is usually about the power dynamic and how each party responds to it.

With that in mind, a giant looming over a tiny is 10x more showing off their power. The giant is in complete control of the situation whether they know it or not. The tiny though, definitely knows it.

Now there are many different ways to see this. Depending on whether or not you like being in the tiny’s position or the giant’s position can change what it means.

For the giant’s position, remember it’s a display of power. In a sense it’s the want to be in power or have control over a situation without much fuss from others. Yeah a tiny can squirm and try to run if you were planning on grabbing them, but in the end they are still under your control. You have the option to let them have a say, but only if you want them to.

For the tiny’s position, it’s the sense of knowing you have no power. That you are completely out of control, and with this simple act, it’s just a little reminder to you. The reminder that they are in control, that they can do anything they want with you. There’s another point but I’ll get to that in a second.

So what does that mean? Well perhaps, for the giant POV, there is a need to be in power. To have someone else know you are in power without having them question you or even try to act out against you. This could be a response to never having that and craving it in just a simple way. To just have control over something with no questions or even just a simple look to tell someone that you’re the one in charge here and they need to know it.

For the tiny POV, there’s two things. The first one is giving up power. It could be a hidden desire to have responsibilities taken away but not forever. Just for a moment, so you can rest and not stress about everything. The second is being truly seen. Being seen for all of you. Maybe a part of you wants so badly to be seen but it scares you cause you don’t know how others will react or reply. There’s the thought that if you are seen you’ll get hurt and that terrifies you. But this doesn’t stop you from wanting to be seen. A giant looming over you can take you all in at once, and can show that they care to see you. They are so close to you and they need to be in order to see you. The need to have someone close and see you for you. It’s both terrifying but can be almost relieving in a way. But to have someone so close can feel like a danger to who you are. You want to open up, but perhaps that got you hurt in the past or you’re scared of being hurt cause you’ve seen others get hurt or heard it was possible to be hurt. This doesn’t stop your want to be seen but rather makes you yearn for it, but you know that once you do get what you want, there’s no going back. Your stuck and now the power is not in your hands.

In a similar vein as a looming giant, you want to see people. You want to get to know them and know all of them. You want to get close but you can’t get to close too fast so you hover just out of range so you can dip if things get bad. You want to learn about others cause you care about everyone. Everyone should be seen and you want to give that to others. Part of you knows that getting close so fast can frighten people away, but that’s just who you are. You love knowing people and want to get close to learn about them. It’s not always about having power over someone, but rather wanting to show someone you are interested in them. Whether you have good or bad intentions is up to you and that’s a whole other can if worms.

Looming may be initially about power dynamics, as most of g/t interactions are, but this one is more about being seen. Being seen or seeing someone for who they are. This can be terrifying for the one being seen cause they are vulnerable and the person seeing has the power to hurt them if they wanted but during the “looming” stage neither side knows what will happen afterwards. But both sides might secretly want this. The want to be seen without having to explain yourself hundreds of time, the want to get close to someone without hurting them in the process, and just SEEING someone. The looming aspect shows the power possible and shows off that once the tiny is seen it’s all up to the giant to decide what happens. Once you open yourself to someone or have someone open up to you, it’s all now up to them/you to decide what happens next. They are already close so the damage can be instant if they wanted it to be. Perhaps you’ve been hurt before by being seen, and this was probably when you went out of your way to be seen. There’s that desire to be seen but not wanting to do all the work cause it didn’t work at last time, but that’s only a theory about one of the reasons why this would be a loved trope. Another would be having been ignored for so long that it felt like no one could see you. You felt invisible but when someone looms over you, looking at you, making sure they are all you can see, shows in an extreme way a version of being seen/seeing you. It shows they care enough to get close and know you.

In short it’s wanting to be known and seen at once without much hassle but being terrified of actually being known.

There’s also the aftermath of looming where the giant makes a decision, but I’ll just stick to the looming part of the situation.

I’m not a psychologist and I haven’t been in a psychology class since 2018 sooooo yeah, take this with a grain of salt I guess.

[rosepais]

Let it Go!

Let it go!

It has been 7 years since the journey of single parenthood began. Since then, until today, I have heard many people writing to me, telling me, how I have inspired them to do the impossible. It warms my heart to know my journey is inspiring if not easy. This blog post is an honest one, something I have been meaning to write for quite some time but did not find the inspiration until now. I thought it is time to let everyone who are going through a similar journey that it is going to be OK.

Giving strength to someone when I am crumbling myself has been my core skill off late. It makes me happy and proud.

I recollect on my journey so far and realize it has not been easy. No one promised it would, I knew it is going to be tough, painful, and lonely. Yet, when I took the decision, I felt right, relieved and renewed as a person.

I took a decision to let go what is not mine, to let go what does not value me as a person, to let go what cannot be repaired, which is completely broken. This gave me peace. It made me think, I wish I had done this earlier.

Knowing when it is right.

One day you are going to feel numb, and wonder, is this all worth it. You have given your 100%, you gave your all, yet you do not find happiness and the burden in the heart does not lift. You have just one life, do not wonder what the world will think about you, wonder what you are going to think about yourself. If your decision is going to lead to peace and happiness for both sides, then you know it is time to move on. One must have the maturity to accept the fact that, one’s true calling always need not be necessarily to be in a relationship, a family. You can fly solo as well.  

Once you take this decision, remember, there is no turning back.

Do not think you cannot do without them. Remind yourself that there was a time you didn’t know them, and you were doing just fine.

Safe circle

If you have a child involved or any dependency involved from the relationship you are in, it is important to note that one must have a safe circle or in other words, a circle of friends whom you can trust your child with. Whom you count on to be there when you are at your lowest point. It is important to find a set of people who do not judge you.

There are days when you do not have the strength in you to raise a small child, you want to sulk and cry. Some days you have no strength to even pray. You beg for the lord to take this pain away. During those days, you need someone to hold you, remind you that everything is going to fall in place. Your safe circle is called such so that you need not fear the safety of your child and yourself with them.

The right decision for your child

If you have an offspring from the relationship that you were in, remember, being a spouse and being a parent are 2 different things. I see so many times in family courts where one parent refuses the other parent to meet their children or fight for them like they are a piece of meat.

Already it is difficult on them to accept that their parents are separating. Do not make it worse by being stubborn.

What you are to each other as a spouse is different from what you are as a parent. One must not steal the right of parenthood. Amicably speak and come up with decisions that will help you co-parent the child and raise a child with mental happiness.

For the child it is very important to see their parents happy if not together.

Conquer the loneliness & pain!

There is absolutely no shortcut to this. I wish there was, but one must take the long road and realize, you are enough. you love yourself and you are worth it. You may find a companion again, but loving oneself and realizing that being alone is not actually a bad thing, it is a reminder that you need to take care of yourself too. Focus on what you lost and gain it back. The mental health, the job, your passions and one day you will reach a stage where you look in the mirror and feel nothing but proud of how far you have come as a person. To reach this stage, it takes time. As I said, I wish there was a shortcut, but this involves a lot of pain, silent tears, depression, food disorders and health issues. It is very important to remember to pick yourself up, dust it off and move one step ahead every day and not sulk in the lonely feeling for long.

Acceptance

Last but not the least, acceptance and the most important point. Accept who you are and what has happened to you. Yes, what happened is not fair, but there are worst things that could have gone wrong.

Train yourself to accept what cannot be changed. Do not beg and hold on to something when the universe is taking its natural course to make your life better. To experience the better days, you must suffer the pain, shed the tears, and heal.

People will talk, but as days pass you will be their inspiration and they would secretly wish they have the courage to do what you did.

This post is not a tour guide to divorce, or break up from any relationship, mind you, it is a reminder to be brave through all odds, and whatever happens, happens for good. I am hoping what I am going to share will strengthen you in your journey ahead and help you walk with your head held high. The rewards of that one brave step to freedom are truly worth it.

LET IT GO! It is time.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

[streets-in-paradise]

Hey, I'm the anon who asked for Achilles, I just had time to read what you wrote and I'm so delighted. I loved the stubbornness and obstinacy of the character, it matches perfectly with what I always saw in a partner for Achilles. And speaking of Achilles, now I just want a boyfriend like him, the way he was willing to give up fame to be with her and how he loves her in such a poetic way is just wow. Definitely looking forward to seeing what you would write in a possible part 2, thank you again for fulfilling my request so beautifully.

Welcome back, anon! And thank you for this super sweet message 💖

I was super curious about what you would think and I'm extremely happy knowing you are so satisfied with the result of your request. As i stated in the post, i had material to make it longer but i felt that if I would have incluided everything it would have made it too long. Hopefully one of these days I will edit and expand the first draft of the things I left behind to make a continuation.

Characterizations are one of my biggest concerns, so I'm very relieved you think everything was on point. Same, anon, I also want a boyfriend like him <3 The idea of making Achilles being the one willing to do the sacrifice first, thinking on giving up fame as inmediate response to knowing the prophecy, occured to me directly from the film canon characterization. What I did was expanding it a bit, going deeper into a point that the movie showed but was overlooked with so many things happening inmediately afterwards.

When trully facing the dichotomy between his two possible fates because he realized he had fallen in love, this was his response:

Odysseus attempts to persuade him through reminders of the glory he would leave behind, but he doesn't seem so affected.

Filmwise, Achilles has showed will to choose love over glory. He was about to leave so he could live in peace with Briseis, only the death of Patroclus stopped him. Grief for feeling like he had falied him and need for revenge made him stay in Troy and get back to the war. It was a struggle between his romantical love towards her and his platonical bond with his deceased relative, not between love and glory. At this point of the film Achilles is in a similar mess to what Will Turner had to face in the POTC trilogy. Every step he takes to avenge his relative takes him further away from the woman he loves, foreshadowing a tragic end.

Going back to the prophecy reveal scene to write the request knowing this gave me a clear idea of where Achilles would stand if he would have been in a commited relationship before the war starts. For me, writing him capable of giving up his dream of making history for her in the fict was the most in character thing. This misunderstanding where she points out how unfair that would be because she knows he has worked so hard for it, but he keeps telling her he would leave it all behind for her is peak film Achilles romance.

And just like you said: he loves in a poetic way. However it is not only because he is the main hero and everything he does, he does it with epicity. Paris being the man who doomed two civilizations for love may be the hopeless romantic man in the film, but Achilles has some of the most poetical lines. The classic " the gods envy us" speech ( that some people wrongfully attribute to Homer because of how poetic it sounds lol), his " you gave me peace in a lifetime of war"... I can't help feeling he loves intensely and poetically.

This is what i want my writing for him to reflect and I put tons of effort to make it work in all my fics. I am actually so glad you pointed it out. I'm like " OMG, someone noticed!! "

Sorry i made this so long and I hope you will not get bored reading me. Your comment made me so happy i felt I wanted to share some details about my writing process with you ( but also ramble about how much I love the character and the romance style that he inspires me to write)

I'm very excited about continuing this fic and hope to get back to it soon, but the good news is that the troy wip im currently working on is also an Achilles one.

Thank you so much again for sending this!!

[rainyraisin]

OKAY SO, RETICENT INFO DUMPS!!! The first half of Raph's wasn't in my notes so I had to steal it from Instagram. These are from 2 weeks ago so the characters have more to them at this point but I'll only keep infodumping if people ask :)

Raph continuation:

Raph is the only brother other than Leo who goes up to the surface, usually to get more fun things for his brothers rather than what they genuinely need. Mikey receives spray paint gear and painting supplies, also said to be from Splinter, but Raph suspects he knows who its truly from. He hides in his room whenever Splinter actually does visit so he doesn't get into a fight with him and "scare him off" for a few months. The only crime Raph really commits is stealing. Despite his temper and tendency to get into fights, he's actually quite responsible. He's the one who stops his twin from committing too many crimes. The vandalism he permits, the arson he does not. He wants to be closer to Mikey and Leo.

Mikey:

Mikey is 15 and the younger twin by 2 days!!! He's more of a traditional artist and enjoys painting. He was introduced to spraypainting by April and does it around the lair pre-season 1, to Splinter and therefore Leo's dismay. Following the start of season 1, he starts doing spraypainting with Casey which was a big bonding activity for them. Mikey struggles with expressing anger verbally and does it through other things like burning stuff or going out to spraypaint. He was almost caught by the police once due to him being too loud and disturbing the peace whilst spraypainting to relieve some stress. He's the best cook in the family and when he was deemed old enough by Leo he was allowed to start cooking for them (with supervision of course, and Leo handled things like knives). He wants to be a cool older brother to Donnie but tries a bit too hard and kinda just comes off as weird yet kind funny. They're still not the closest though. He wants to be closer to Donnie and Raph. Later on he bonds with Donnie a bit through baking as his little brother enjoys the chemistry part of it (he is completely banned from the stove though). Raph is their taste-tester.

Donnie:

Donnie!! The youngest at 13!!! (And a half as he will constantly remind you). Donnie is autistic but literally has no fucking clue, just like the twins with their ADHD. He's a bit clingy to Raph and shares similar traits to him due to spending the majority of his life around him. He acts the same way around April as Mikey does around him, trying to be a cool little brother. April doesn't understand what the hell he's trying to do. He questions why Splinter brings him materials for his inventions yet seems so disapproving of them. Donnie feels like his brothers view him as a liability first and family second. Leo tends to try keep him out of the way a lot of the time, mostly when sparring, which leads to him being weaker than his brothers in that aspect, although Raph eventually has enough and begins sparring with him in secret. Don is the reason they met April as he went out looking for Splinter when he was 9 and got lost, only finding his way back to his brothers due to April offering to help him. He stole Leo's coat so the majority of his features are covered up. She only realises that shit might not be right here when he tells her he lives down in the sewers but like, is she really gonna leave a kid to get home alone??? No, ofc not.

April:

April! The oldest of the group at 17!! She will lord the fact that shes just over a month older than Casey over him for the rest of his life. April acts quite apathetic and snarky but genuinely does want to help her brothers cause she cares a lot about them. She just doesn't know how to and she feels so guilty about it. She also tries not to get too involved in their personal stuff because she thinks that they don't view her as a sister. She hasn't met Splinter yet but has heard a lot about him from Raph and isn't very fond of him. She doesn't like Casey too much at first as she's worried he'll break their trust and reveal her brothers' existence to the world but over time they grow closer and become friends. When she first met the turtles, she was a bit freaked out cause holy shit there are mutant turtles in the sewers why why why why why- But she came to realise that they were just kids trying to survive and warmed up to them quickly. She came round as often as she could to make sure they were okay and eventually bought them all radios in order to keep in contact with them better (she let Donnie mess with them to increase the range). Very supportive of her brothers cause like, who else is gonna be? Their dad sure isnt and she's the only one who knows about them otherwise (until a certain goofy guy comes along)

Casey:

Casey Jones!! Second oldest of the overall group, also at 17!!! He's just less 17 than April (don't question me I can english). He's the catalyst for the series as a whole and is completely confused by what the fuck is going on the majority of the time- bro is just slowly learning how fucked up this family is and he's just like "ARE U GUYS OKAY??? 💀💀💀". He wants to help the sillies stop being so damn emotionally constipated. He is also a silly little vigilante guy‼️‼️‼️ He is not very good at it but don't tell him that he's trying his best. He also plays hockey cause he slays like that. He is very loser/affectionate. He's definetly been arrested a couple of times although never actually sent to jail or anything, just made to wait with an officer until his dad comes to pick him up. He acts way more confident than he is. (I have way less on him than everyone else atm lmao I'm sorry)

Also just realised, here's a very old Leo infodump, like literally from the second day of Reticent's existence

Anyway if there's anyone who wants to know more about all of the sillies or even just one particular silly, throw an ask into the box!!! :D

[welcome-to-oslov]

Aw man 🥺 I'm currently reading Spitting Image now and your writing of grownup Tilrey & how he's affected by his past is so 💔. I'm glad he can feel his anger at how Saldegren & others still openly leering & reminiscing, and seeing him stand up for himself. Kinda like getting back a little to how his youngest self still used try to stand up for himself as much as he was able back with Malsha, even under Vexonil.

You can really feel the shaking humiliation he feels coming off the page though, and the discombobulation and tendrils of old fear; "it was always so strange how Councillors reminisced about things he'd done and said, things he himself 'couldn't' remember & was happy to forget."

The things Ceill says and has seen must feel like such an ice-cold stab. Tilrey reacts so stoicly, letting it roll off him, but to me it feels like the times he'd be frozen during a frightening assault. Don't react. Let it roll off you. Don't feel it. Float away.

So heart-rending how he's still such a good dad to Ceill throughout it, despite his ambivalence over even having a son. After all, he didn't exactly consent to having a baby, almost like someone forced to have their rapist's child. Vera never raped him of course, but their times together were part of so many things that happened to him, and most of their encounters were pretty ambivalent on his part; he was never comfortable with how she imagined him. And the first time they met, when her view of him made him feel relieved to still be himself (she unknowingly coming in the room as he was bundled up crying post very first conscious rape), resulted in such horror for him (officer's club).

All these aspect remind me of scenarios in two really moving books: What Does Love Mean to You People, and When Jeff Comes Home. Both are recovery stories, but the former has an infuriating plot twist/ending where the main character guy gets trapped in a similar pressured-to-raise-the-baby-of-my-rapist-with-my-husband scenario he's really not happy with. You do it SO much better - Gersha's caring & understanding role here makes me love him more, not hate him like I did the husband in that story! When Jeff Comes Home is about a kid kidnapped on a family trip at 13 & returned home at 16 and his grief at readjusting. What struck me in that one was the exploration of his anger: humiliation at how his (loving) family & (rude) classmates look at him when it's made public what happened (photos were involved too like Tilrey), but the one who triggered the most anger was his old best friend who stood by him & was trying to be his friend again: seeing in his friend his mirror image, someone whose own life had continued uninterrupted & unharmed, made him so angry at what he'd lost & gone through.

Tilrey I'm sure isn't angry at Ceill. But it can't not affect him moving forward seeing a young person who looks so much like him get to the age he was when he was held by Malsha & the Island. To see, with his own eyes, how innocent he was & how he should've been living if it hadn't been taken from him.

I guess I'll find out as I keep reading! Thank you for your amazing work.

Thank you!! And thanks for the recs—those books both look really intense and interesting. I always forget how dark YA books (When Jeff Comes Home) could get in the early '00s.

I do think Tilrey felt forced into having Ceill, so it's lucky that Gersha was happy to be the primary caretaker of the two. For all the love Tilrey has for his son, he would have struggled a lot more with parenting if he hadn't had help. And he will always feel a little wary of Vera, because even if it was an accident, it was one she desired on some level.

I often think about how trauma gets passed down from parent to child, even despite the parent's best efforts. I'm often told I look exactly like one of my parents, and it's a weird burden to carry, like that parent's history also belongs to me, even though we're very different. So I sympathize with Ceill—but also with Tilrey, knowing he could have been like Ceill if he'd just been luckier. As you say, that can't help but affect him.