#it’s so fucking hard
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how it feels trying to draw in the danganronpa style
#i need to learn how to do it for my fangan#ALTEAST for their default sprites#but i literally cant do it#it’s so fucking hard#ssz rambles
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2024 was truly sent to try me
#it’s pretty much winning at this point#it’s one thing after a fucking nother#I know it’s ridiculous to think that an arbitrary date will make any difference#so no real point wishing to see the back of 2024#and in the grand scheme of things nobody is dead#we have a roof over our heads#we can afford to eat#we don’t have it that bad#but the constant struggle to get through every fucking week#with shit being thrown our way all the bloody time#it’s so fucking hard
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A really good friend just told me to be kind to myself and I
😭
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man idk
#not really about anything but about everything#just feeling a Way#and typing a post is an outlet#but it’s always so complicated bc while I feel the need to express my feelings I also don’t#intend to make anyone concerned#and yet if I don’t want people to be concerned why do I feel the need to express negative emotions so strongly?#the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever#well idk. I want to be known and maybe even cared about#but I don’t want to hurt anyone#I guess thats ultimately what my Feelings are about huh#the fact that if people care about me I will hurt them when I hurt#that I want to be loved but I can’t bear the guilt of it#i can not survive without others caring for me#but I can not protect them if they do#but if I push them away I still hurt them#thus the serpent devours its own tail#I am too selfish to wish no one loved me and too much a martyr to let them#but I don’t know if I can change#it’s so fucking hard#vent post#456 words#negative
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The Barbie movie changed my brain chemistry, I’m Kenough - I’m him ( interlinked “what’s it like to hold the hand of someone you love” interlinked )
Barbie is a must watch and possibly a 2nd time - alone and in the back of the theater so I can really cry it out. While Oppie really disappointed… which sucks because I got dressed up in period correct clothes too… but gald my group of friends watched Oppie first then Barbie.
Oppenheimer felt like a history channel documentary and I realized I don’t enjoy watching tv shows or movies on events I know the details to. Unfortunate since Nolan’s interstellar is my 2nd favorite right after the masterpiece of Ratatouille.
#Barbie#oppenheimer#i am kenough#i am him#I am discovering and trying to befriend myself again#to allow myself to grow past my mistakes#it’s so fucking hard#not living up to anyone else expectations but my own
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why did I decide to make this… Denji my beloathed
HE LOOKS SO GOOD THLUGH
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i just want someone to be afraid to lose me and mean it
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Me: *quietly singing to myself while drawing* ✨🎵I am the worst🎶 aaand can’t do jack shit right~🎶✨
My mom who was right outside my door:
#I’m okay#I just merged the wrong layer#I do in fact hate myself#but that’s not what this is about#art is hard#it’s so fucking hard#but the gremlin that lives in my brain will never allow me to cease
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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and he may ask himself "well, how did i get here?"
#i just think he fucks with the talking heads so hard#rip fiddleford i know you loved once and a lifetime#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#old man mcgucket#the talking heads#talking heads#myart#gay
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Bro went from happy tree carnival to ᭙ꫀꪶᥴꪮꪑꫀ 𝕥ꪮ 𝕥ꫝꫀ ᥴⅈ𝕣ᥴꪊડ
#trafficblr#this skin fucks so hard#wlsmp#wlsmp spoilers#goodtimeswithscar#gtwscar#mcyt#mcytblr#meme#wildlife smp#wild life smp#wildlife spoilers#gtws#namemc spoilers#wild life#wildlife
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I would like to take a moment to point out how Wolvie was pinning him down by gripping his belt
It just gets gayer and gayer
#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool x wolverine#they fucked in the honda odyssey#it gets more gay every time I watch it#poolverine#the honda odyssey fucks hard#and so do these two freaks
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playing through Dark souls 1 for the first time and holy fuck am i seeing the reasons people love it
#it’s so fucking hard#i’ve beaten Queelag Butterfly Gargoyles Capra and Taurus and ahhhhhh#it was so hard to get into the groove after lies of p bloodborne and ds3 but i’m getting it#goth link says some shit#actually i beat queelag first try#i’ve heard abt magically finding your way back to firelink and i am HOPING that pulls through rn bc holy fuck the demon ruins
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Asexual flag color picked from the celibacy gif
#this was so fucking hard please appreciate my work#gifs are so fucking difficult to color pick#asexual#ace#color picked flags#mod author#celibacy
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zero respect when people get all "oh nooooo i sure hope this post doesn't get a zillion noootes teehee, stop reblogging I can't have this be what people remember me for 🥺🤭" all coy and shit when the option to disable reblogs is right there. strangle that post in its crib to prove you're not a poser.
#i stand behind this so fucking hard and op was right to say it#i hope this post gets a billion notes so that all those losers see it and feel ashamed
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