#it’s ok I used to make shit for them and never got paid

[kaijuno]

lol bye rooster teeth

[itsalwaysdark]

anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

[alyimoss]

he would do this as in it fits his character, but he wouldnt do it in canon bc he literally would not get a chance to as xtale and the skelebros becoming his kids was basically an accident (or, rather, it was planned i think but the timing of when it happened wasnt?? and it caused some things like him being unable to see that frisk had given muffet a family and him just straight up forgetting to give monsters a history) BUT he would definitely monitor what is watched in his house to compensate.

hes shown in canon to have visions of his desired future that he uses to make decisions in the present that will lead him to it (biggest example i can think of is him ordering cross to get frisk down from a tree with his magic and then immediately stopping him from doing so as he saw that frisk getting down safely would somehow compromise that future. and then he immediately goes to blame it all on cross lmao father of the year) so i think part of the decision making process is. that. like yeah he wants to keep media like this out of the brothers reach for easier manipulation, but also if the visions tell him them seeing this movie is going to butterfly effect into the future he strives towards?? fuck it.

that being said cross definitely watches that movie at some point and does not get the point.

its suggested by killer as part of a movie night (he chooses all the disney princess movies. kind of as a joke. horror and dust dont care enough abt movie choice bc theyre gonna sleep thru that shit anyway and cross doesnt wanna be the one with a dissenting opinion so he doesnt say anything) and as hes watching he just keeps asking questions like "why are they painting the mother as a villain? shes being a good mother. this is what good parents do. rapunzel should feel lucky to have such a good mother" and the others are like "ohhh they done boinked you up at the boy factory.... your dad fucked you right up at the son factory huh."

xgaster the kind of dad to make sure the tangled movie doesn’t exist in his universe just in case his kids see it and realize something might be up with his choice in parenting style

[tinystepsforward]

What do you think the chances are that Mud Pit is gonna be ousted by the people who need Automattic to have good will in the eyes of the community to actually get anything out of this site and wattpad

I know it’s probably low but the fact that he’s acting like a poorer Elon Musk is making my skin crawl and making me hope that a second lawsuit hits the company

ok here's the thing. he is meant to be on sabbatical. automattic gives employees a three-month paid sabbatical every 5 years, so that they can have a break from the product they work on and come back rested and with a new perspective.

matt has never taken one before now. he spent the entire leadup to his sabbatical posting increasingly wild shit in public channels at the company (like the chess thing, or trying to get people to buy a friend's product, or the entire fracas with taking over the wordpress.org twitter account. wordpress.org is an independent non-profit that he is not the ceo of).

i mention this because people were hoping (including me) that he really would actually log off, have a chill time (or, idk, whatever kind of time CEOs who go off the grid bc they got flooded in at burning man like to have), and let the interim CEO get a chance to do a better job. that would help the board make a decision based on data.

he was very clearly spiraling before he even left, and then within the first few days of Company Sanctioned Log Off Time he's pulled multiple Classic Matt things on multiple parts of the company before showing up here. this whole thing is so deeply unfunny but it also is a bit of a tom and jerry or looney tunes bit, where i can only imagine HR or Legal is chasing him around the various accounts/platforms with a comically large inflatable baseball bat and he's just evading them.

he can't do that in person, but he still gets a lot of leeway generally. at the last division meetup (irl meeting for employees, flown from all over the world) he showed up twitchy and exhausted and hyped in a way that was very familiar to me from flatmates who used to steal and snort my adhd medication, then proceeded to drink so much over the course of an evening answering questions from his employees that he had to be firmly babysat off the stage and walked back into the lobby of the hotel to sober up.

i made eye contact with him that night, before he dropped his head back into his hands. two people relatively high up in the company were sitting with him, silently watching him as he struggled to sober up. it wasn't the first drunk shenanigan of his i witnessed at one of these, and this is purely opinion but i have to assume that his current behavior is the result of suddenly having time on his hands to have the world's longest bender and post through it.

back to your question: i do not know if what he's done is enough to get the board to remove him. i wish it didn't have to come to this to hope that they will. but we'll find out.

[jmtorres]

i just saw a post about how we just have to "live with" covid and wanting more protections from our government is unreasonable because we'll never wipe it out, it jumps species and is in all sorts of animal populations (like, true ok) so why even try to

and apparently the argument was aimed at people (who I haven't seen in the wild) who are arguing we should still be in lockdown. and i have mixed feelings about the idea of extended lockdown or attenuating isolations; but my main feeling at this point is not that the government should keep us apart but that the government should be trying to make it safer for us to be together

things the government could/should be doing about covid:

we know that ventilation/air movement helps a shitton. we should be incentivizing upgrades to ventilation systems in all public buildings with shit like rebates or tax deductions, while phasing in eventual legal requirements. (and uh. it has occurred to me that the US might actually be doing this sideways by there's currently this decade enormous tax incentives in re energy efficient upgrades for slowing climate change and you know. energy efficient hvac does tend to improve ventilation. extra point to biden here.)

mandatory paid sick leave so workers aren't under social or economic pressure to work when sick

passing out RT-LAMP tests like metrix that actually work instead of the rapid antigen tests that have become less and less reliable as the virus mutates

i don't know how you'd write this law but like 95% or more of computer-based work can be done remotely and companies should not be allowed to force people to return to the office. I know there's people who want to be back in person and I'm not saying they should be forced to stay home but ffs I know of at least two people CLOSE to me who worked remotely before the pandemic and at some point their workplaces tried to tell them they weren't allowed to do that anymore despite the pre-existing contracts. stop canceling remote work for people that want, need, or prefer it.

for that matter, every college lecture that was an online class during covid should still be offered as an online class, there is no reason to force students into auditoriums in person. you got the communications infrastructure up and running, why are you tearing it down. give people the OPTION. it increases accessibility for everyone!

covid vaccine immunity lasts about four months. this should be well-publicized and everyone should be able to re-up for free every four months. "every year, like the flu vaccine" is demonstrably not often enough. actually "for free" isn't good enough start handing out $10 gift cards you will be shocked at how many people who are resistant to the idea of vaccines will fold for $10 a shot

are there already laws on the books about masks in medical settings that some medical professionals are blatantly ignoring because they forgot what best practices were before the plague and they're 'tired of masking'? if not, pass laws. if so, fucking enforce them

oh another incentives for upgrades phasing into legal requirements thing: brass doorknobs and railings over stainless steel or whatever. microbes do not survive on brass surfaces

i mean. i know this one sounds too extreme to a lot of people but. UBI.

most if not all of these measures will prevent or ameliorate other pandemics of different diseases that may arise in the future. and just. generally improve our health and quality of life for other reasons.

I haven't felt safe to go to a concert since 2020. Maybe if I knew a venue was legally required to have ventilation to a certain standard and that none of the ticket takers and ushers were on the job sick to avoid risking loss of paycheck or job, and knew a larger percentage of the crowd had up to date vaccinations--maybe if any or all that, I might ever feel comfortable going to a show again.

wouldn't it be nice if those of us who have been disabled, by covid or other conditions, had accessible remote options but also occasionally felt safe enough to interact with and participate in wider society?

one of the arguments on the post I saw was how isolation was massively psychologically damaging and various strata of society were affected in all sorts of ways, from undersocialized kids to increased depression in--well across the board, I think. and here's the thing: WE KNOW. PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC HEALTH CONDITIONS, LONG COVID OR OTHERWISE, KNOW ISOLATION SUCKS REAL BAD. because we, both for our own health and due to disability ostracism, are still isolating and isolated more than most.

what are you as individuals or societies, what are our governments, doing to help make it safe and accessible to rejoin you????

[marilynthornhilllover]

Hi beautiful human

I would love to request Agatha Harkness using a magic strap with reader and reader whispers  to Aggs “Shit, right there, please!!” and Agatha can’t control herself

A poisonous butterfly

Agatha harkness x Fem!reader

Warning: smut!, talk of public sex, mommy kink, praise kink, tummy bulge, magic strap, slight overstiumlation, rough sex, clitoral play, pet names, soft to mean Agatha, slight fluff, cunniligus, breast play, indecent language, slight aftercare etc.

A/n: I am so sorry this fic took 1,000 years to be written 😭🤍 hope you enjoy tho😉

It was you and Agatha's one year wedding anniversary and you thought that there was no better way to celebrate it than with your parents who you haven't seen in a very long time. You both had planned a small night out at an open back beach restaurant with a beautiful paddock with a breathtaking sea view and amazing food.

You dressed in a short skin tight red dress with and open back with your favorite pair of heels that Agatha had gotten you for your birthday the year before. She wore her normal attire — black suit with high heels. Her hair was blown out and she styled it in a quite clean messy bun that made her look so damn sexy.

You couldn't deny that it turned you on, especially with her glasses. She looked delicious. You stared at her through the mirror as she carefully put on her jewelry and checked herself out. You just couldn't stop staring, maybe you wanted her for dinner instead. You bit your lips and tried to limit your freaky thoughts before you chew off more than you can swallow and end up being late for dinner.

Agatha was not the kind to rush things nor did she like to be interrupted. She was the sweetest and kindest person you ever met. That's why you married her. She took her time with you, she treated you well, she never yelled at you, she made sure you got what you wanted — even if it meant being a passenger princess.

You loved her for a lot more than that. Man can she give the best head. She makes you feel things that you honestly thought were impossible to feel. Everytime you both made love, especially with her magic strap she'd always be so careful and so polite. Asking if you were ok or if you wanted her to stop, to the point where she even created a safe word with you.

You loved Agatha very much and cared for her with every bone in you. And your parents completely supported you, it was only your dad that had doubts wherein if she could treat you the way a man would — fuck you the way a man would. You paid no attention to him because you knew Agatha well, especially the one who makes your eyes roll to the point where you see stars.

" you like what you see darling?" She asked in a seductive voice as she winked at you through the mirror. You could smell the trouble from far away and that smirk on her face was making you even wetter that you already were.

" Oh behave, we need to leave now or we'll be late" you said picking up your purse and phone. Agatha turned around and walked up to you from behind, wrapping her arms around your waist she placed her face in the crook of your neck.

" I'll tell them I was busy trying to put a baby in you" she husked, her voice raspy and thick sending a cold shiver down your spine. Agatha chuckled as she released you and continued her finishing touches of getting ready. You cleared your throat and left the room feeling rather hot and steamy. You waited in the car until she was finished then you both hit the road.

She played her favorite Playlist that included a few lana del rey songs — how iconic of her. God she was the hottest thing alive, you craved her like a drug. Your mind drifted to a few potential things that could happen after the dinner, perhaps soft sex or rough. You flashed back on the times she'd fuck you senseless, the way she'd make you scream her name, her skilled fingers in you that never failed to make you cum.

Your pretty certain that she even still has a few scratch scars on her back from time and time before. You bit your nails and squeezed your thighs. You sighed and forced yourself to snap out of your nasty fantasy world before your parents think otherwise when you arrive all sweaty and nervous.

Agatha parked and you both got out and entered the restaurant, the sea air immediately making you feel more calm and the smell it's salty depths makes you feel so much more relaxed and afresh. Your parents waved you both over with warm smiles and you all hugged and greeted eachother before taking your seats.

Your mom was very keen to see you while your dad on the other hand looked at you miserably, eyeing Agatha then you. Your eyebrows quirked at him and he shrugged his shoulders. You immediately pretend to look at the menu when Agatha looks up, not wanting her to assume something was wrong when it wasn't. Your dad was supportive of you and agatha's relationship but again of course, she wasn't a man, and in his world will never pleasure you like one.

And maybe her wearing a suit tonight made him more pissed off. You all ordered your foods and had a bit of a chat while you waited for it to arrive, catching up on old stuff.

" Agatha mind I say you look absolutely spectacular tonight, no wonder y/n has a thing for you" your mom says, throwing a wink your way, Agatha laughs and you gently caress her hand blushing your cheeks away.

" we're wearing the same thing...." your dad grumbles sarcastically, and everyone turns to look his way. You could see Agatha look down rolling her eyes and scoffing and your mom hitting your dad's thigh under the lady as she widens her eyes in a warning way. There was an uncomfortable wave of silence and the tension only became thicker as time went on. You cleared your throat and your mom speaks up again.

" so my dear how's your sex life?" This time it's your eyes that widen and Agatha looks as if she's about to lose it slowly. Your dad chuckles and looks towards you.

" What's with the face y/n? She has a right to ask, her daughters married to a woman" your mom quickly turns to your dad and hits his chest.

" will you stop!" She whispered under her breath through gritted teeth. You swallow nervously and Agatha just sips on her water. The food arrives and everyone stays silent and just eats, but you absolutely lost your appetite. You notice your dad looking at two couple across the room as the secretly made their way into the bathroom.

You sighed and looked away.

" see y/n, a man, gone to make his woman feel good" before he can properly finish his sentence Agatha slams her hand down on the table causing it to make the plates move with a loud noise. Your mom kept her head bowed and your dad looked flabbergasted. Some of the waiters had stopped walking and had turned to look at the commotion and as did the rest of the restaurant.

Agatha looks around at everyone and then down at you. You can see her eyes soften a little by looking at you before her gaze returned to your dad. If looks could kill he'd be dead because she was staring daggers at him. She didn't wanna cause a scene so she quietly addressed the matter as she began to stand anf collect her things.

" you know what asshole we'll take our leave" she spat harshly, you quickly grabbed your belongings and gave your mom and sorrowful look but she only gave you a small smile, you can tell she was disappointed and disgusted by your father's act. Not giving your dad the privilege one last look you left with Agatha. On the walk out Agatha's grip on your hips was absolutely feral.

You could feel the anger radiating off her but you remained silent. You'd be lying if you said that she didn't look even more fucking hot when annoyed. Arriving home, you both got out of the car and walked towards the front door, still in silence. You couldn't quite read her emotions. When she opened the door she allowed you to enter before her.

You put down your bag and took off your coat and was about to turn around to speak to Agatha when she suddenly slammed you up against the wall and started attacking your lips. You were surprised and caught off guard but you kissed her back. You moaned as you felt her hands roam down your body. She smirked against your lips and took the opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth.

Her tongue swirled and danced against yours as you whimpered desperately for her to touch you more. You pulled away from her,breaking the kiss and looked up at her biting your lips. You could see how much she wanted you, needed you . Her eyes were filled with desire and lust to please you and you wanted her so bad as well.

" let's go to the bedroom" you said breathlessly as the both of you practically race up the stairs and into your shared bedroom. Agatha straddled your hip as she pushed you down onto the bed and began kissing your neck, sucking and gently biting at the tender at the flesh. Your hands flew to her hair as your hips buck up towards her.

Your eyes widen as you felt something bulky in her pants, she looked up at you and smirked before she made her way down towards your stomach leaving her trails of kisses. You didn't even realize that she was wearing her strap tonight, god that just made you more wet as your thighs began to rub together.

A low chuckle can be heard from Agatha as she grabbed the hem of your dress and pushes it up for you to take it off. After you took off your dress you were left in just your lace underwear.

" please" you moaned, but she only smirked at you, making her way back up she kissed your lips again.

" shhh, my love, tonight I'm gonna fuck you like a man" she whispered against your lips, at this point your cunt was already soaked for her. She glanced down at your nipple and back up at you. She took your small bud into her mouth and started sucking it like a baby. Your breath hitched as a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Agatha swirled her tongue around the soft bud before releasing it with a small pop.

Her hand reached down and cupped your cunt as a low chuckle is echoed from her chest.

" I made you this wet baby? Or are you just a slut for mommy?" She taunt, she was driving you completely mad already, you could feel yourself becoming completely under her demand as your mind went blank and fuzzy. You wanted her so badly. She started undressing looking down at you with a smile on her face. She found you rather attractive when you were in desperate need for her.

After taking off her pants and leaving her self completely naked you saw how big her strap was, it wasn't the normal one she'd fuck you with it was the magic one that made you feel things deep within yourself. The one that felt so realistic. She gently parted your thighs and immediately saw how wet you were for her. She glanced back up at you.

Smirking at your needy state, the heaving of your chest, your messy hair and the way your body shook with need. She grabbed your hips and pulled you down so that she can be face to face with your cunt before her tongue started to lap at your clit. You sighed closing your eyes your hands wondered cover your chest massaging your nipples.

Agatha was very skilled with her tongue. She made you question whether or not she was human. Her tongue swiped over your little bud before it started to circle around it slowly before graciously picking up speed. Your moans increased in volume as your hands flew to her hair. Your thighs closed in on her head as she looked up at you, her eyes hungry to make you scream. You could feel your orgasm slowly building up as your back arched.

" oh fuck me! Please Agatha I need you so bad" you moaned as your thighs shook violently. Agatha laughed darkly which sent vibrations straight through you. She finally obeyed and removed her mouth from your clit. She lined up the tip of her strap with your entrance. She leaned down to kiss you as her hips slowly pushed into you.

Your head fell back as your nails dip into the skin of her elbow causing her to hiss, pushing even deeper further into your pussy. Your eyes rolled back as a soft moan escaped your lips. Her filling you up felt so good. Her cock was reaching into the deepest part of you and you couldn't handle it.

" fuck mommy" you whined as you started thrusting your hips into her to feel some sort of friction.

" you want my cock that bad huh? Want mommy to fuck you real nice mhm?" you nodded as you closed your eyes and moaned. Agatha's hands wonder to your hair and gently start massaging your scalp, quickening her pace as her thrusts became more faster reaching even deeper within you. She pulls on your hair making you whimper. she reaches down and starts rubbing slow circles on your clit, stimulating you even further.

Your back arches even deeper and your eyes roll back. Pornographic moans leave you as your mouth opens in a 'o' shape. The way she was fucking your pussy was absolutely delicious. Her cock was hitting your sweet spot that always had you seeing stars.

"There you go sweetie, say you love when mommy fucks you" she whispered in a demanding tone as she kept rutting into you, the strap making the sensation feel all too real. You couldn't even speak, you just whispered incorhent sentences and the word 'shit' over and over again.

Your pussy clenched down on her cock as you let out a pornographic moan ,your hands gripped the sheets tightly the feeling of her pounding your pussy so fucking good.

" that's it baby, Keep squeezing mommy's cock ,like the whore you are" she muttered in your ear. Your mind went completely blank as silence filled the room and the only thing that can be heard are your soft moans and the sound of agatha's cock sliding in and out of your pussy.

Agatha looks down and smiled at the little tummy bulge that she was creating from fucking you and smirked rutting even deeper into that spongy spot within you.

" shit, right there please!" You cried out, holding onto the sheet tighter your knuckles turning white from all the pulling, it's a surprise the sheets didn't tear. You turned on a switch in Agatha because after than she immediately started pounding you faster and curving her hips more so that her thrust would be more sharper and hit that deeper spot in you.

This caused your back to arch more as she got deeper access to hit your g-spot with more force, causing you to cream all over her dick.

You squirmed against her as your legs began to feel like jelly as they started to shake, your mind was completely empty. The only thing you could think of was how fucking good Agatha was making you feel with her cock.

Your oragsm totally hit you like a wrecking ball. Agatha smiled as she watch how your juices pour out all over her strap. She chuckled before slowing her thrust still keeping you stimulated. Her hips came to a halt and she removed her cock from within you. You sighed a breath of relief. Agatha leaned down and kissed you on the forehead.

" now my pretty princess, may I offer you a warm bath with snacks?" She asked and you laughed swatting her playfully on the arm.

" Yes you may my prince" you replied giggling as she picked you up and carried you into the bathroom.

The two of you cleaned up and took a nice warm bath before you decided to cuddle up in bed and watch a movie. And not too long after the both of you fell asleep in eachother's embrace, you definitely enjoyed tonight, and maybe one day you would see this side of your wife again.

[yuri-is-online]

Ok so jadeyuu! Jadeyuu? Jade is an eel. Jade has never been in a relationship- never even got the urge. So he's kinda panicking when he finally snaps out of his little domestic daydreams only to realize. He has no idea how to actually get to those daydreams.

How do humans court? Fuck humans for a second how does his own species court??? He only know surface level (ha) shit he never paid attention beyond that cause it was "irrelevant" (he wants to go back in time and punch himself so bad. For several reasons).

So now he's trying to figure it out but heres the thing, he only has super cheesy media to work with. Bro is taking it so seriously but some of the stuff is just???

Why is sharing clothing so important?

Are flowers really that big of a deal?

Why do all these couple fight all the time? He doesn't want to fight with yuu he just wants to feed them mushroom dishes and cuddle and "cuddle" He doesn't want to fight! Why do couple always fight in these movies is it necessary?? Is it a love language??

What's a one night stand?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST MET???

... has yuu had any? They told him once that most of their past relationships were "situationships" and he had to laugh and pretend he wasn't about to simultaneously raise hell and profusely thank your exes for fumbling so hard.

What's this about your father's consent? Does he need to get your father's consent? Would any parent work or just your father? Do you even like your father- shit you haven't even seen your father since you've been here and he's a literal world away. ....shit.

Someone stop him he's about to create an entire world wide scheme to invent otherworldly communication just to ask his not-parners dad if he can even court them in the first place-

Oh it's not that important in modern day?? Oh. Thank goodness.

At what point in this can he ask you to be his officially?

At what point can he start indulging himself in all his somewhat ugly jealous urges in public without scaring you off?

Would it be considered a "red flag" to ask you to only talk to him? He knows it is he's just holding out hope that maybe you'll agree to be kept in a large terrarium of his and be completely his and-

You would never agree to that. Oh well, an eel can dream. If Ace gets all clingy with you again he's going to break his arm off.

How long does he have to wait until he can show you to list of names he's already thought about giving your future children?

CAN HE PLEASE JUST HOLD YOU??? PLEASE!!!

Idk where I'm going with this I just got the mental image of jade watching titanic (something something convenient potion accident) and hurriedly scribbling down notes every time something romantic happens and I wanted to share that image.

I like the idea of Jade doing research about human courtship. I really really like it I think it's so stupidly funny to picture Mr. Suave, one hell of an eel butler reading human x merfolk fanfiction and going O: that's me (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) Or watching romcoms and taking notes that's hilarious. He watches titanic and nods "yes this would never happen with us, I would simply drag them into the sea and then we would live together happily ever after while everyone else drowns- ah or is that too fatalistic?"

But yes he doesn't know much about courtship in general. He can "flirt" but its not intentional on his part, he's just being snarky. But with you he has no idea what to do. The clothing thing makes no sense to him, is it to stake a claim? Then why not bite you? That would get the point across faster... is it a him thing to want to do that or is it a mer thing? One night stands are too complicated, there's too many ways for that to go wrong the only reason Jade could think to have one is if someone has information you want to steal and he's not interested in obtaining things that way. They don't owe you anything that way.

Jade with soft yan! urges he tries to tamp down because he knows they're not healthy but he just wants to protect you form the dangerous that exist in the coral sea. Even if you become a merfolk you still used to be human, soft, fragile, and so naive... really there's no end to the things that could steal you away from him. Like Ace! Now if you could please look the other way while he disposes of this pest- he jests. He would never rob you of your friends, everyone needs them and he needs you to need him the same way humans need air.

Also the sheer irony of Yuu complaining all of their past relationships being situationships when that's what they have going on with Jade right at that very moment. Maybe that was intentional huh Jade ever think of that? Maybe the pretty human was huffing at you and batting their eyes because they are frustrated that history is repeating itself and the sketchy guy their friends don't approve of is being unclear about his feelings again. He figures that out once he finally finds out the definition and he feels so so stupid

[rottenpumpkin13]

As a fun way of competition for the spooky season, SOLDIER and the Turks are both ghost hunting in an attempt to see who can actually capture a real ghost or cryptid on camera as proof of which of the departments is the most bravest. Plot twist that it's mostly the two teams tricking the other with fake props and illusions in an attempt to scare the others into quitting.

*Sephiroth and Zack approach Angeal and Genesis with a camera*

Zack: Check out what we got for the "who can actually capture a real ghost on camera" competition with the Turks!

Angeal: Notice how you people never have a "who can actually finish they're work on time" competition.

Zack:

Angeal: This is why Tseng is in nature therapy.

Zack: Anyway! We got this thermal camera that's a fool-proof way of capturing an entity on camera and proving that ghosts are real.

Sephiroth: A thermal camera detects the heat emitted by objects and converts it into a visual representation, making it an efficient tool for paranormal investigation.

Genesis: Really? You? I thought you were too pragmatic to believe in ghosts.

Sephiroth: Actually, I'm a firm believer in the paranormal. Ever since I jumped through that portal as a young teenager to retrieve Glenn and ended up at a pumpkin festival in the town of Nibelheim, where we had to fight pumpkin monsters and I was deprived of pumpkin soup, creating a void within me which has never properly healed.

Genesis, ignoring him: Anyway, when are we going to—

Zack: You're not going to address what he just said??

Genesis: Thank you, but I choose innner peace.

Sephiroth:

Angeal: Ok, boot the camera up and let's get this over with.

*Zack turns the lights off, flicks the camera on and pans it around the room*

Zack: OH MY GOD. I SEE THREE GHOSTS AND ONE OF THEM HAS ANGEAL'S FACE.

Angeal: YOU'RE POINTING IT AT US.

Zack: Oh.

*Zack points the camera somewhere else*

Zack: OH MY GOD. THERE'S A GHOST WIELDING AN AXE.

Genesis: Preposterous! Let me see!

*They all look into the camera and sure enough, there's an outline of a figure holding an axe at the end of the hallway*

Angeal: WHAT THE FUCK

Genesis: I'm unperturbed and know exactly what to do.

Zack: REALLY?

Genesis: Yes.

*Genesis grabs Sephiroth and shields himself with his body*

Genesis: TAKE HIM INSTEAD. YOU CAN ADOPT HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE PARENTS.

Sephiroth: Should I be concerned when that outcome sounds appealing to me?

Angeal: GUYS! THIS IS BAD! THERE'S AN AXE MURDERING ENTITY RIGHT THERE!

Zack: WHAT DO WE DO?

Sephiroth: THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME I JUMPED THROUGH THAT PORTAL AS A YOUNG TEENAGER TO RETRIEVE GLENN AND ENDED UP AT A PUMPKIN FESTIVAL IN THE TOWN OF NIBELHEIM, WHERE WE HAD TO FIGHT PUMPKIN MONSTERS AND I WAS DEPRIVED OF—

Genesis: WHEN WILL YOU LET IT GO?

Sephiroth: NEVER.

*The shadow figure raises it's axe, Zack, Genesis and Angeal all scream and run away*

Sephiroth: …

*Sephiroth turns on the light. Cloud is standing there, wielding a fake axe*

Sephiroth: …

Cloud: Reno paid me to stand here.

(MEANWHILE)

Reno: Sir! We got video evidence of a paranormal entity just like you asked, but we're warning you, it's intense.

Cissnei: Seriously, it's very disturbing.

Rude: We advise you not to watch it.

Rufus: Just show it to me.

*They show him a video of Zack with a sheet draped over his head*

Rufus: That is quite literally Zack fair with a sheet over his head. There's nothing scary nor paranormal about this, and I can't believe you wasted my time.

*Sephiroth walks by on screen with Jenova's shadow following him*

Rufus: SHIT

[morganski-19]

The One with the Ring

(Woah, flashback. This takes place a month after Eddie moves in. Also, since Friends had a lot of flashback episodes, what would y’all like to see as a flashback for this au??)

Eddie stares at the box in his hands, knowing that it’s time. Knowing that he has to get rid of it. It’s useless now. It was barely useful a month ago. Now it was just sitting in his closet, taunting him.

He stands, leaving his room to find Steve sitting on Nancy’s couch with a magazine. “What are you doing here?”

Steve makes a face. “Walls are thin, Robin has a friend over, I lost my earplugs. And I wanted non-shitty coffee.” He takes a sip of the mug that was on the coffee table.

“Ah, makes sense.” Eddie stands there awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do. He’s still adjusting to this friend group, and he and Steve haven’t hung out one on one that much. For a reason. Eddie can’t trust himself yet.

Eddie walks over to the door, placing the ring box on the table while he puts on his jacket.

“Woah, is that a ring box?” Steve questions, not in a pressuring way. “Didn’t know you moved that fast, Munson.”

“Yeah well,” Eddie sighs. “Not going to be anywhere special anytime soon. About to go pawn it.”

Steve’s face falls. “Shit, sorry. I, I should have realized.” He sets down the magazine, standing and about to walk over to Eddie but decides against it. Instead choosing to lean against the back of the couch with his arms crossed. “Wanna talk about it?”

Eddie takes a deep breath. “We were together for three years. Long distance for the last six months. He got a new job, moved here, I had some things I had to take care of before I could move. I got it done faster than expected, thought I’d surprise him. Saw what I needed to see and left.”

“That fucking sucks. And you were going to propose?” Steve says it in a way that makes Eddie want to tell him everything. He can’t give his heart away just yet. But a friend, he could use that.

He nods, picking up the box and opening it. Looking at the ring he spent so long to pick out, making sure it was perfect. Too much effort for the wrong person. “Yeah. I was so sure he was it for me, but the universe has its way of fucking with me. This was just the latest edition.”

Steve walks over to the shoe rack, sliding off his sneakers and putting them on. He looks at Eddie expectantly. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Go where?” Eddie looks at him confused.

“To the pawn shop, then the bar. You deserve a drink after what that asshole put you through.”

Eddie huffs. “Don’t remember when I invited you along.”

“You didn’t,” Steve shrugs. “But I know a great pawn shop that won’t stiff you if that’s worth anything good.”

Eddie gives in. “Ok then, lead the way.”

Steve wasn’t wrong. The pawn shop gave him a pretty good amount for the ring. Not as much as he paid for it, but at least comparable. And then Steve buys him a drink. Or three. Makes his day a little bit better.

“So, how’d you find that place?” Eddie asks.

Steve sighs. “You’re not the only one who bought a ring for a terrible person. Only difference is I didn’t know for a few months after I proposed.”

“Shit,” is all that Eddie can find to say.

“Yeah. Saw a message on her phone from her coworker. I’m not a jealous guy, well most of the time, but I had this feeling about him when I met him. He was so flirty and touchy, and she didn’t stop it. But I trusted her, look where that got me.” Steve takes a long sip of his beer. “Looking back, it wasn’t going to work out. We were fresh out of college and going different places. But I still hoped, you know.”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, though. She didn’t deserve you.”

“And he didn’t deserve you either.”

“If I were lucky enough to get someone like you, I’d never do anything to let him go.” Eddie knows exactly the look that’s on his face, but he can’t stop it.

Steve smiles at him. “I could say the same thing about someone like you.”

Eddie has to look away before he does something stupid. Has to call it a day after he finishes his drink. They walk back to their building, saying goodbye when they get to their apartments. Eddie leaning on the door as it closes, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

He is so fucked.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or taken off) @slowandsteddie, @annieofhearts, @cacdyke, @ubpd, @captain--low, @thespaceantwhowrites, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @anne-bennett-cosplayer, @lunaticparisianlady, @apomaro-mellow, @dolphincliffs, @dragonmama76, @maggiebug417, @stevesbipanic, @fearieshadow, @mentallyundone, @eightpackdiaz, @au79burger @bookworm0690 , @practicallybegging, @potato-of-the-lord, @autumncrocusandladybug

[queenie-ofthe-void]

The Babysitter Chronicles - Henderson

Steve POV 5+1 (immediately follows s2) || wc: 1.8k || full fic ao3

Henderson || Mayfield pt 1 / Mayfield pt 2 || Sinclair || Wheeler || Byers || +1 Hopper

~~~

This has been the worst week of Steve’s life.

Not only does Nancy think he’s bullshit, he found out she never actually loved him, she cheated on him, and she partially blames him for Barb’s death.

He was almost eaten alive by alternate dimension monster demodogs, almost died at the hands of Billy fucking Hargrove, almost died in the backseat of Billy’s car, and then almost died again in the tunnels. 

He’s pretty sure he has a serious concussion and a broken nose. The stitches on his forehead are starting to itch. He’s had a migraine every day since, and there’s ringing in his ears.

Steve honestly thought he could put all of this Upside-Down shit behind him. Pack it away in a tiny box and move on. Yet he was dragged into it once again, forced to protect kids he barely knows from both monsters and humans. 

He deserves to get paid for this shit, to be honest. 

He’s got no friends to sit with at lunch, no girlfriend to love him, and no parents at home to take care of him.

After spending the week at home alone, wallowing and recovering, he found himself thinking of the kids. It was the first time he felt anything other than misery and physical pain. But they were big, complicated emotions that he’s still untangling. He’s been able to pick out fear and anxiety, annoyance, exasperation, and– surprisingly– fondness. When he thinks of the kids, he’s hit with a surge of fierce protectiveness and devotion.

He’s got nothing to show for his life and no one to spend it with. Those kids, though, needed him in a way he’s never felt before. It was life or death, and they trusted him to keep them safe. Now that it’s over, even If he isn’t necessarily wanted, maybe he could at least continue being useful.

Which is how he finds himself pulling up to the same curb as he did a week ago. At least this time he’s not here about the Upside-Down; although, knowing Dustin, he wouldn’t be surprised.

“Steve!” Dustin’s running out the front door and down the driveway in just a t-shirt and sweatpants despite the chilly November morning. He plows into his chest at full speed and almost sends them both toppling over. “Steve, holy shit you’re here! Oh shit your face.”

“Hey man, language ok?” Jesus, the mouth on this kid. “Relax twerp, ease up on the hug, you're killing my ribs.”

Dustin immediately drops his arms and backs away, looking cowed. Steve’s going to have to work on his approach, apparently the kid’s sensitive. Or maybe Steve’s still a bit of a bully, another part of himself that needs to be fixed.

“It’s ok, Dustin, don’t worry about it. Just a little sore still.”

He perks back up again, bouncing up and down on his heels. The little gremlin’s toothless smile is so damn cute Steve wants to give him a noogie. 

“Ok then,” Dustin replies, “so why are you here?”

“Uhhh, actually I’m here to talk to your mom.” Feeling suddenly awkward, Steve runs a nervous hand through his hair. He hisses as it pulls on his stitches.

“My mom?” he asks, incredulously. “Why? What’s going on?”

Steve supposes he should’ve thought of this. It makes more sense to talk with Dustin before actually asking his mom for permission, but he hadn’t practiced this part. Now here he is, facing down an over-dramatic middle schooler and he’s actually nervous about it.

“Yeah, I kind of noticed you’re an only child, and you don’t really have a dad around.”

Dustin’s face falls, morphing into a scowl. Shit, Steve’s barely said one word and he’s already messing this up.

“Not all of us have rich parents who buy us whatever they want,” the kid huffs, crossing his arms and kicking non-existent rocks.

“No wait, ok look I’m sorry Dustin, that’s not what I meant. I’m not really great at talking about stuff like this. The important stuff anyways. Let me try again. Please?”

The kid’s still scowling, but his body relaxes a bit and he nods.

“Ok I’ll start over,” Steve continues. “Even though we were dealing with all of the Upside-Down shit and it was literally the worst week of my entire life, I enjoyed having you around. I’d sleep better at night if I knew you twerps are safe and I know you don’t really have anyone around other than your mom and the other gremlins–”

“The Party.”

Steve stares at him, mouth hanging open as he’s cut off mid-sentence. He’s in the middle of pouring his heart out to this mouthy ten year old and he’s got the audacity to interrupt him.

“The what now?”

“The Party, Steve.” The little shit’s tone is overflowing with condescension. “The group. We’re called the Party. You know, like in DnD?”

“What the hell is a dandy?”

“You, kind of,” Dustin mutters under his breath. Steve doesn’t really know what that means and coming from this kid he probably doesn’t want to. “D and D stands for Dungeons and Dragons, Steve. It’s a role playing game.”

“Whoa, alright I think you’re a little too young to be playing role playing games.”

“I’ve literally been playing for three years.”

“You’ve been roleplaying since you were seven?”

“I’m thirteen Steve!” He’s pretty sure Dustin’s screeching can be heard from the other side of town. “What are we even talking about right now? Why are you here, at my home, looking for my mom?”

“I want to be your goddamned babysitter!” Steve screams back. He takes a deep breath– in and out. This kid’s going to be the death of him, he just knows it.

He looks down to find Dustin’s eyes wide and mouth formed in a perfect oval. The kid’s shocked, either from what Steve said or that he literally shouted it in his face. Now it’s Steve’s turn to kick rocks. He shuffles back and forth, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them from tugging his hair again.

“You guys almost died, man,” Steve says softly, avoiding eye contact. It makes this part easier. “You almost died, and if I hadn’t been there, I have no idea what would’ve happened. Maybe you all would’ve been fine, I don’t know. But it was my job to keep you safe, and you don’t have anyone else around except your mom and the grem– I mean the Party– to look out for you. I had to quit basketball thanks to Billy, and Nancy broke up with me. My parents are literally never home, so I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands. Figure I could use some of that time keeping you out of trouble.”

Dustin’s face hasn’t changed, still devoid of any emotion other than shock. God damnit, Steve really messed this up. He looks around and rubs the back of his neck. His skin’s prickling with nerves as he starts to sweat and he takes a step backwards towards the safety of his car. 

This was a stupid idea. Why would any of these kids want anything to do with him? He’s nothing like them: smart, nerdy, can save the world without taking a beating. Steve thought he could be useful, worthwhile to someone– to Dustin. He should know better by now.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just going to go,” Steve says. But as he turns to leave, Dustin slams into him once more. Steve’s breath whooshes from his lungs and a lightning strike of pain travels up his back. He thinks he’s shaking from the pain, except his crewneck is starting to feel damp against the kid’s face and he can see Dustin’s shoulders practically vibrating. “Hey, Dustin. Hey it’s ok, are you alright? What’s wrong man, talk to me.”

Dustin doesn’t look up, just keeps his face buried in Steve’s sweatshirt and grips him tighter. It hurts and it aches and it pulls at all of his injuries. He still lets Dustin hold on for as long as he needs to. 

There’s a slight movement out of the corner of his good eye, and he glances up towards the house to see a small, curvy woman smiling at them through the window. Not wanting to dislodge Dustin, he slightly lifts his hand to wave. He’s surprised when she honest to God clutches her heart and wipes what he assumes is a tear from her eye.

Steve’s already worried he screwed this whole thing up. He definitely didn’t think it would happen in front of a goddamned audience. 

The kid’s still holding on, but the shaking has subsided and he’s breathing easier. Steve smashes his hat to ruffle his hair, and Dustin backs off with a shriek. His face is covered in red blotches matching his bloodshot eyes. Steve looks down at his sweatshirt to find a tears-snot-spit wet patch stained into his chest.

“Dude, gross,” Steve huffs. At least he’s wearing an undershirt. Dustin just chuckles. 

“Like friends?” Dustin asks, still wiping at his face. “I wouldn’t mind, you know, hanging out. Whenever you’re not busy, I mean.”

It’s Steve’s turn to feel a burn behind his eyes. Relief fills him with warmth as his growing anxiety is washed away. Dustin wants him around. He wants to spend time with him and Steve never really thought he’d get this far. All he had was a half-baked idea to serve himself up for the one thing he knows he’s good for. And he was wanted.

He reaches out and pulls the kid back in for a hug, holding him tight despite the pain. Dustin starts trying to push off, so Steve flips him around under his armpit in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles roughly into the top of Dustin’s hat as he starts to screech again. He huffs, straightening out his hat, still sporting that iconic toothless smile. 

“Now,” Steve says, “all I have to do is ask your mom.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Dustin replies, turning around to lead Steve towards the house. He sees the curtains pulled roughly shut and the silhouette of the woman heading toward the front door. “She already knows all about you. I told her what happened. Well, the government version.”

“You told your mom about me?” Steve asks in awe.

“Duh, why wouldn’t I? Sure, you got your ass handed to you, but it was totally awesome!”

“Right,” Steve scoffs. He’ll let that one slide for now. “You’re sure she won’t mind?”

“Mom’s going to love you. She’s been asking about you all week.”

If she’s anything like her son, then hopefully Steve’s got nothing to worry about. And maybe if he can watch one kid, he can talk to the rest of their parents– look after the whole Party of gremlins. He can host after school hangouts and movie nights, sleepovers in the living room and pool parties in the summer. There’s the beginnings a plan forming in his head, which parents and kids he needs to talk to next. 

When he’s met with Mrs. Henderson’s warm smile, he thinks maybe the rest of this year will be alright.

[bloodsadx]

even the years that i retroactively have viewed as the most useless of my life have paid off. ive met and befriended many of my heroes from when i was down bad and doing nothing. however in spite of this any time im down im still like. well. i guess im going to jump into the fargo life size human mulcher and deboner (in order to become less full of blood). anyway every time im in an uber with my buddy anne she says the word transexual minimum like 6 times no matter what the vibe of the driver is and last night the uber driver told us to try the following pick up lines (which he called “jaw droppers”): when a girl asks your favorite food, say that “[you] don’t care about stuff like that, [you] want to get to know the flavor of [her] taste buds.” he insisted she’s never heard some shit like this before, so she’ll either like it and you’ll start making out, or if she’s “a more polite woman” she will be like ok ok, and at that point you say “i’m not trying to nourish your body, i’m trying to enrich your soul.” he said that you say that, this being the “jaw dropper,” and then you “can shove your tongue down her throat.” well me and my buddy anne were losing our minds in this uber. and then she started saying the word transsexual to refer to her previous partners and the guy became strictly quiet. well anyway. the moral of the post is, if you walk around a lot, you notice more stuff. i’ve been walking about 10-15 miles a day for the past few weeks and something i’ve been noticing a lot is one specific sticker around portland which ive seen i think sincerely about 300 different places in the past week. and i’ve been walking some really not well trodden, very annoying routes, and this guy has been putting stickers up in some really strange and not even particularly visible spots. and the thing is, i kind of don’t even like this guy’s sticker, but i do really like seeing it, so i really respect that guy. and last night i made direct eye contact with a guy as he put down a slice of pizza and took out a paint marker to write on a trash can. me personally if i made direct eye contact with someone as i was about to write on a trash can i would probably not do that.

i’ve been making draft posts like this when i get home from a long walk and then not posting them nearly explicitly because i don’t want a bunch of people to read them. sometimes i let one fly and it does get like a hundred notes and i just get pissed off. a few months ago i got so mad about something i kept hitting the ground with sticks as hard as possible and trying to suplex trees and victorian house porch support beams at my friends houses. not to test my strength but rather to feel completely indignantly impotent and to feel myself fail against the weight of the world. i got into a bad car crash and have been disallowed by the weight of the world from driving endlessly and aimlessly through the country and instead have endlessly and aimlessly wandered by foot through a place i have lived in for 3 years but only recently have come to feel like i have any knowledge of. so its hard to say which years are more useless. the years where i was doing stuff people gave a fuck about or the years where i was doing stuff that hurt my legs and feet and i saw more stuff? well at the end of the day i suppose nobody can say for sure…after all, on the internet, nobody knows i’m a seaman.

[nisuna]

ok but what about choso x yuji x reader??

I'm on the floor salivating rip me🪦🤤🤤🥵 I LOVE IT (and you for making me think of one of the best scenarios ever😈😫❤) Gaaahhh♡

Thank you for your take!!<3

<3masterlist<3

~short drabble~

TW: double penetration, vaginal and anal sex, Choso has a big brother kink you can't convince me otherwise, makes you call him Nii-chan, Choso-nii, nii-san even tho you're not related, yuji and him are brothers tho!, nipple play, reader has a big ol dump truck, consensual groping, name calling, hair pulling, lube and anal fingering, tit sucking, spit, boob guy in the front ass guy in the back 😋

So here's the thing: Yuji and you knew each other since you were little, you even called Choso big brother due to that. And you couldn't lie that you had a bit of a crush on Choso, because he was a few years older than you two, typical stuff you know. But here it comes, as time went on and Yuji got older you noticed him getting manlier and more handsome?? And you definitely did notice when he started to get bigger. I'm talkin big arms, buff chest, toned abs. He could throw you around with ease if he wanted to and you began to notice his physical superiority over you. Not gonna lie it made you weak in the knees.

However, you were now in a moral dilemma, as you were crushing on two different guys at the same time and it was definitely about time, that you sorted those feelings out. What you didn't notice tho, was that they also paid attention to you when your breasts swelled and hips widened. The way they wanted to touch your soft squishy thighs and plump ass.

Choso was a boob guy and Yuji loved ass, so when you blurted out one night that you want to fuck both of them to see who you liked better, they knew exactly which position to try.

"Will you be okay?"

"Don't worry, I can take you both."

"In a fight, right?"

"Definitely not."

Choso was on his back with you straddling him and Yuji was perfectly slotted in from behind. As Choso was busying himself with your tits, Yuji prepped you pouring a generous blob of lube on his fingers and circling your asshole gently, not pushing in yet.

"It's a bit cold and it might feel a little weird at first, but I promise I'll make you feel good."

"Mmhh.. 's fine how bad could it possibly be ah-", you yelped as Choso put one of your hardened nipples in his mouth twisting the other one with his fingers. "I'll try to distract her."

"Alright, relax for me.", with that he slowly inserted his finger in your ass. He definitely didn't lie about it feeling weird and it stung a bit. "You still with me?"

"Mhm", you tried to hide your discomfort, which only made you clamp down on his finger harder.

"Want to take a break?", he asked while slipping his finger out, rubbing your ass in comforting circles.

"Noo 's fine I can take it. Give me more."

"Okay, I got you. You good down there Nii-san?"

Choso reluctantly pulled his face out of your tits sucking in a deep breath. "Never better", he stated going right back in to groping and sucking. The chill atmosphere helped you relax a bit as you arched your back to spread your ass for better access.

After Yuji deemed you stretched enough he poured some of the lube onto his dick stroking it. "You ready?", he questioned and as soon as you gave them the okay they sank their cocks into your ass and pussy respectively. During, you all let out embarassing moans making you giggle.

"Now please fuck me stupid."

"Aye."

With that they picked up the pace rutting their hips into you.

"Shit you're so tight. Feels like you're suffocating me. You feelin' good?"

"Yes, so good.", you mewled out slurring the next part as you felt your tongue loll out. "I'm so full. I can feel you in my tummy. Please harder." As you were saying that Choso latched his mouth onto your neck, making sure to leave a mark.

"Which one of us do you like better huh? Who's fucking you better?"

"I dunno, both so good!"

"You gotta decide, sweetheart. Besides, you liked me first right, you like your Nii-chan a lot right? I know you do. You're dripping all over my cock, coiling around me nicely."

GAH. Your mind was spinning both making you feel good so differently, how were you supposed to decide?

"Hey!", Yuji brought you back with a spank to your ass, the tingling sensation making you moan. "Pay attention to me too. You like me too right?", he sulked. But before you could answer any of them Choso pulled you into a sloppy kiss, forcing his tongue inside your mouth. You whined into the kiss, spit dribbling down your chin from how messy it was. You were at a loss of words as they both fucked into you harder, trying to prove themselves. And in the meantime all you could do was mewl pathetically and let them have their way with you.

"You'll definitely choose me if I make you cum."

"Nuh-uh me first."

"Too late, little brother." Choso was already snaking his hand between your legs finally paying attention to your neglected clit. You squirmed at the contact pressing your ass against Yuji, who took that as a sign to speed up.

You felt so full, your mind fuzzy as they both continued to plow into you. You didn't even notice when you came with a silent scream of Yuji's name. His ego was boosted as he pulled your hair and made you look at him.

"That's it, that's a good girl. 'M gonna fill your tight ass up, gonna cum until you can't take it anymore" your pleas drove him right over the edge as he came inside pulling on your hair even harder, breathing heavy as he bottomed out. Your scalp stung after he finally let go of your hair, pulling out of you. As you felt his cum spill out of you, you directed your attention back to a sulking Choso.

"Want your cum too Choso-Nii, pretty please.", how cruel must someone be to say no to you while you looked so pretty and fucked out. Of course he will give you his cum, anything you want. And as he too pulled out after stuffing you to the brim, out you felt like you were gonna pass out, feeling sticky and sweaty.

Yuji was already there cleaning you up with a warm, wet towel as you opened your eyes sighing contently.

"Have you made up your mind yet?"

After all that you definitely wouldn't be able to decide. Yet.

"Will need a second round of testing to finalise.", you hummed basking in the attention they were giving you.

-----

Feel free to send me your Hot Takes as well ^^

[bellewintersroe]

Max Verstappen X HornerDaughter!

Part 6- here’s the LINK to part 5. Thank you for all your support! Only a small chapter, but 100% more coming, just you wait… When Red Bull fail to establish their dominance in Singapore, it seems nobody can get off of Max’s back, despite the fact he’s happy for Carlos and the McLaren boys on the podium. All the doubting gets to his head and in the end there’s only one person he turns to for support. Leni secretly freaks when she realises her and Max keep getting closer… Taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @callsignwidow @fangirl125reader @norassimpingzone @roseseraj @eugene-emt-roe @copper-boom @its-elias-world @cassiopeiia24

“But is Max Verstappen really happy for Carlos Sainz, or is that just a cover up?”

“Max- Max how do you feel? Should it have been you up on the podium today?”

“Max how does it feel that the Red Bull dominance has been broken?!”

“We’re sensing some tension lingering around Max Verstappen today in Singapore after he takes 5th place. It was an astonishing race for Carlos, we can’t quite say the same about the man who has been dominating the 2023 season!”

Poor Max. It was no wonder the poor guy just wanted to get out of the media’s eye. He was so happy for his friends on the podium, he was still confident and self-assured, but the media kept portraying him to be some kind of villain that was spiteful for his own close friends. Even Checo, the media harassed to shit, but Max seemed to take the brunt of it.

No matter how happy he was, it wasn’t enough for the press who constantly accused him of being a brat, or pissed off about the race. I was positive there was nothing Max could do to please them, so when he headed back to his hotel in peace, I was disappointed, but not so surprised.

Me on the other hand, after four drinks in I’d twisted my ankle and ended up limping back to my room, the kind receptionist from downstairs offering me an icepack. It was pretty boring sitting alone in my room when everybody else was out, even my whole family was somewhere but I’d drunken too much too quickly and paid for it soon after.

That’s when I thought of Max. He too was in his room, probably asleep after such an exhausting day. In my tipsy mind I lifted my phone up, glancing through our previous texts. I’d not responded to his last message which was just a simple not explanation of why the RB’s didn’t work so well on specific types of circuits. I’d seen him in person and felt too awkward to text when we were in the same proximity.

Snapping a picture of the ice pack over my ankle I sent him a bunch of pissed off emojis, feeling playful.

Leni: don’t drink Prosecco it fucks you over It wasn’t so long later when Max actually responded. I was surprised it was so quick, but god- I wanted him so bad. I felt like having him, especially now, so soon after a break up would be a little sour for everybody around us, never mind that my own dad was his team principle.

Max: wtf Leni how did you manage that, are you ok?

Leni: hahahaha don’t even ask I’m good, are you?

Max: yeah just pissed off with all the media today. I don’t want to see a single person else. I cringed at his words. Yikes. That was my invite gone. Rereading my messaged to make sure they made sense, I sent a simple message of; Leni: I don’t blame you

Max took a while to respond after that. I was actually falling asleep, my eyes feeling heavy until the buzzing of my phone aroused me quicker than I could process.

Max: unless you wanna come chill with for a while “Oh, Max. I don’t know how you deal with them. They make it out like you’re gonna start a war with Carlos just because you didn’t get a podium, once.” I sat on the edge of his bed, continuing to hold the ice pack to my ankle.

“Exactly, and I don’t know why!” He paced from one end of the room to the other. “They like drama.” I pointed out.

“True, but…” Max plopped himself on the hotel bed. “I feel fine for Japan, I’m confident, but when you’ve got millions of people doubting you it gets kinda irritating.” I winced slightly at his words. Max usually didn’t be so open about his feelings with this side of the media, I knew truthfully he never really give two shits what they thought, but when people were constantly at him I was positive he must’ve found it jarring.

“You’ve also got millions supporting you again.” I responded as he smiled gently. “Yeah. I know that.” His voice was gentle, grateful, he sounded humble. It was a side to hum media didn’t like to show, especially in drive to survive.

“I know I will be.” I shrugged, glancing over to see him smiling down to his sweats. It was a miracle to see him something other than jeans. “Thanks, Leni.”

“Or maybe I’ll switch teams completely and start going to the Ferrari garage.” Max threw a pillow at me in response.

“Dick.” I snickered, scooting further up onto the bed to rest against the headboard, besides Max. There was still possibly the largest gap between us that I’d ever witnessed.

“Could you imagine what my dad would say?”

“I don’t think he’d be too happy.” Max smirked. “Neither would I.”

“Really?” I gazed over his expression. He was still smiling, indicating he couldn’t have been too serious. “Yeah, I mean, you’re part of our team. If you’re not there it would be weird.”

Hours passed and soon we’d both retired under the covers, watching the TV in a comfortable silence. The alcohol that once streamed through my body had fallen stagnant and I was feeling more nervous than when I initially arrived into Max’s room. I stole a glance at him, his eyelids were heavy as he watched the movie, something I hadn’t paid attention to in a good hour.

The gap between us had closed slightly, and I felt myself overthinking more and more about how soon it was to be in this position with him. Friends do this, right? As long as there was no physical contact, as bad as I wanted it, it would be fine.

So the minute I felt Max’s hand brush against the bare skin of my elbow I felt myself completely freak, fidgeting my legs and accidentally kicking my bad ankle. “Ow, fuck. I kicked myself.” I pushed myself up, pretending to be completely and utterly blind to how close we were laid previously.

“Are you ok?” Max too, pushed himself up. I pushed the covers off me and glanced at my slightly swollen ankle. “I’m fine, just… hurt.” I winced, lowering it off the side of the bed.

“Oh- you can stay… if you want.” Max muttered, sounding a little nervous. My stomach grew butterflies, my heart felt like it exploded and as badly as I wanted to say yes and jump on him- something was stopping me.

“It’s okay. I better go to bed, thank you though.”

“Want me to walk you back?”

“30 seconds down the hall?” I giggled as he shrugged like it was obvious. I realised how rude that sounded, to turn down his offer. “It’s okay, thank you though, Max. I would stay but Blue is there- and if I don’t come back, you know, it looks a little…”

“I get it. Then they all start asking questions.” Max agreed as I offered him another smile. “Yeah. Exactly.” I turned my head a way, hesitating to actually turn around and leave. Max stood besides me at the door and to avoid any other form of intimate interaction I avoided eye contact at all cost.

By the time I’d got back to my bedroom I’d well and truly wanted to top myself. Well done Leni, well fucking done. That could have been one of the most finest moments of my life, not!

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#365

“I just got the notice.  It’s done.  I never thought I would have seen a wire transfer of fifty thousand dollars into my account.  OK shithead, you are for real.  Get naked.  I want to inspect my property.  That’s what you are to me.  You are a cunt.  You are a toilet.  You are a punching bag.  You are whatever the fuck I want to make of you.  Right now, I want you naked…. 

“I don’t give a shit about those two drivers over there.  Leave your clothes right there, but hand me your phone.  Look at the screen.  I saw your post to Facebook.  You were able to follow orders.  The video was short and to the point.  You let your family and friends know that you met a hot daddy that you are moving in with, and that you will be living off the grid and that you won’t be able to respond to anyone for a long time.  You actually told them not to worry, that you trust me.  That last part was a nice added touch.

“What’s your passcode?...  I’m going to change it and then deactivate the facial recognition.  Your phone will be locked away, but I will still need to access it from time to time—you know, for the $5,000 monthly payment to me.  Which reminds me, what is your password for money transfers?...  Ok.  This is your first real test….  Yup that works.  I’m going to change that code later.

“Stand up and turn around.  Let me see what I own for the next year.  Nice tiny pecker.  Don’t like that it feels that it is free to get hard.  I completely understand why it is hard.  I’m that fucking hot.  When I install you inside the cab, I’ll have a cage to put on it.  It won’t come off too often, if ever. 

“Are you naturally smooth, or do you shave your chest?...  Good.  No manly pelt for you, God made sure of it.  Your pubes will come off in a bit too.  Turn around, let me see my new fuck hole….  Nice and hairless.  You douched out like I told you?  Good.  We’ll get you set up for cleaning out while on the road.  How many times in the past week have you been bred?... 

“Interesting.  I don’t get it.  You are quite cute.  You seem to have no problem getting men to fuck you.  You have money, enough to not only pay me over 100K across the next year, but you can take a year off to be tied up, roughed up, fucked up in the back cab of some unknown brutal asshole truck driver.

“I don’t know what you are running from.  And I don’t care.  What I do care about is I don’t want some drama creeping into my cab, during the year you are with me and the time after.

“Get on your knees and look up and into your phone’s camera.  I want you to say the following in your own words.  That you come here of your own choice.  You are paying me $50,000 up front to live in cab with me, and $5,000 each month.  This is non-refundable at any time.  You want to be controlled by me in all aspect of your life.  You know that I am a brutal sadistic man.  Sex with me is not a guarantee and is not part of the money paid.  I want you to beg on camera for me to brutally use you, sexually and otherwise.  That includes using you anyway I see fit.  You consent to all my demands.  You can revoke it at any time and terminate our agreement.  In fact you know either of us can terminate this role.  If I do it, you will be left naked on the side of the road somewhere.  If you do it for any reason, then you would gladly pay me a penalty of additional $50K, transferred from this phone.  You will beg to be bound for most of the day.  You will beg for me to humiliate you and degrade you.  You got all that?

“Good.  Now look at your phone’s camera…. Wait I should also get you on my camera too.  Can’t be too cautious….  Focus your attention on your phone, and… go….

––––

“That’s done.  So now let’s get you locked up properly in the cab.  Come here.  When crawling into my cab and I’m right behind you, pause and lean over my seat.  Stick your pussy out.  Let the world see your ass.  I want to check out my new fuck hole. 

“This is a pretty pussy.  Oh there is some hair back here.  Don’t start yelping now.  I just yanked out a couple.  There’s a lot more to pull out.  What?  You think I’m going to use my clippers on a pussy?  Or your crotch?  Fuck that.  You’ll be fine with a yank or two… or twenty, or whatever it takes. 

“If you are going to have an issue that I’m going to yank out your hair, this is not going to go well for you.  If you can’t handle one minute with me, how the hell are you going to last for a year?  You paid for one year to submit to a sadistic trucker with one the fattest cocks out there.  Do you still want to do this?  Or are you living in a fantasy world?  If you want to bail, now is the time.  I will pull out of here, leaving you naked without your phone.  And I will definitely make sure that the penalty fee is transferred to my account before you can even make it over to one of those two drivers over there.

“What’s it going to be?  Climb down and go over to them, or climb into the bunk on your back and get your legs up high.  You have ten seconds to decide your next year.

“Atta faggot.  When you get up there, you’ll see some ankle and wrist cuffs.  Go ahead and put them on.  I need to secure your shit. 

––––

“Hey shithead.  I talked with one of the other drivers who was watching you present yourself to me.  He wants to fuck you.  I told him that I will only let him if he’s brutal.  He just smiled and said, ‘Ohhhhh I can do that.’  So it looks you got your first fuck customer. 

“Damn you look good.  But let’s get you secured.  These wrist restraints get clipped here.  You secure?...  Good.  Now this ankle goes over here.  The hard one is this last ankle.  The fags I secure always find this difficult….  Relax.  Relax this leg.  Fucker, just suffer through the pain.  This is the pose you will be in as we drive across the country; your cunt leading the way.

“Now for this.  See this.  This is not your ordinary chastity cage.  No this one flattens your dick head to just over half an inch.  There is no way for you pull out.  Your balls, as tiny as they are, are pushed in your taint region so that when you sit down, you will crush them.  You won’t be able to get a hard on due to the pain it causes.  This is going to hurt. 

“Scream.  I don’t give a fuck.  This is going on.  There!  Now for the lock….  With that click, this is not coming off. 

“Oh shit!  He’s already here.

“Come on up….  I was about to cunt the fag.  You can watch….  I just need to remove some of his pubes.  Get over there so you can watch.  I don’t use a clipper or anything like that.  I just grab a hold of a tuft and yank it out.  The faggots always scream when I do that.  That’s music to my ears.  Gets me rock hard.

“No, you can leave the curtain open.  I don’t give a shit who sees me take ownership of this fagmeat.  If the other driver wants to join, so be it.  This is the pussy’s first moments submitting to me; he needs to know what’s in store for him for the next year.

“Hey shithead, open your fucking mouth.  Eat your pubic hair.  Chew and swallow.  Everything that gets yanked out goes right into your mouth.

“That’s what you got to do to these fags.  He knew that I am a sadistic bastard when he agreed to live with me for a year.  He knew that’s what he was paying me for….

“Yeah, he paid me fifty thousand to ride with me and ride me….  No shit!  And he’s paying me five thousand every month.  Fuck yeah.  The first transfer went through about ten minutes ago.  A friend of mine told me that I should be charging for my fat cock.  He told me about a site where this type of shit goes on.  I posted that I’m a driver with a seven by eight-inch dick looking for a hole to fuck while on the road for the next year.  I jokingly put a fifty-thousand-dollar price tag, and wouldn’t you know it within a week, this faggot replied.  Once I showed him a pic of my cock and me next to my tractor, he wanted to throw money at me. 

“Open up.  Eat this last tuft.  I will save the rest of your snatch for another time.  It’s time for me to fuck this cunt.  Let me show you the dick that will own your life.  Look at it.  It’s barely rock hard, and it���s already fatter than a beer can.  You got me leaking boy.  There is so much slop under my foreskin.  You will be expected to clean me up every day, after every time I fuck you.

“Hand me some of that lube.

“Hey shithead.  You ready to be cunted?  The lube goes on for my pleasure, not yours….

“Scream fucker scream.  Right to the root.  Resist or accept me, I don’t give a shit.  I’m going to dump my three-day load into you through all your screaming.  You want me to cum faster, keep screaming.  It ain’t going to take me long.  First cuntings never do.  Your pussy walls are like silk on my dick.  Oh fuck.  I’m gonna cum. 

“Look up at me.  You know I own you?  You know this cunt is mine?  Just nod.  Good.  You want this load?  Of course, you do.  It’s what you live for.  It’s gonna cost you though.  Look at my fist.  Here comes your first black eye.

“BOOM!  Fuck yeah.  And I’m gonna cum.  I’m gonna cum!  Ahhhhhh!  Ahhhhhh.  Fuck yeah.

“Whew!  That was fucking good.  You’re up!...  What?  That bother you?  Then don’t fuck him.  I don’t give a shit.  Besides, I love giving black eyes.  My favorite part is making the fagmeat respond ‘I didn’t listen’ to any inquiry as to how it happened.  Damn.  Thinking about that is getting me hard again.  He’s already starting to regain consciousness.

“Hey Shithead!  Rise and shine in the summertime!

“Your dick is still hard.  Go on.  Fuck him…. Yeah, there you go.  Go on give it to him.  You said you would be brutal.  Fuckin’ be brutal….  Yeah yank his nips right off.  He needs to know the year of hell that lies in front of him.”

[bishopony]

Ohhh buddy I have THOUGHTS (This is so long, I'm so sorry)

1. I actually like Twilight better as a unicorn, she should never have became an Alicorn. (And that's coming from someone who first started watching around S5)

2. However, if Twilight becomes an Alicorn then all the Mane 6 should have been Alicorns. Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity did just as much as Twilight! Where are their wings/horns?

(That would have been awesome for the rest of the series!)

3. You are 100% right the tree castle is horrible. It's so barren and empty and so clearly made to sell toys. The library was nice and cozy and fit Twilight perfectly.

4. I absolutely hate redeemed Starlight Glimmer. Words cannot describe how much I despise this mare. You mean to tell me Twilight would throw a child into hell but let Starlight I-broke-space-time Glimmer go?? Absolutely not.

(Sunset Shimmer is a thousand times better and everything Starlight wishes she could be)

5. I actually like that Cozy Glow doesn’t have a backstory. Sometimes villains are just evil to be evil.

That being said, they should have at least tried to reform Cozy Glow. At the bare minimum put her somewhere other than (I can't stress this enough) PONY HELL!! She's like 12 Twilight holy shit-

6. Not enough people read the G4 comics. In fact, you should stop reading this ask and go read the comics instead. Most of them are online for free. I recommend The Return of Queen Chrysalis (1-4), Reflections (17-20), and Siege of the Crystal Empire (31-34).

7. MLP G5 isn't actually that bad, but it took too long to get off the ground. By the time it went from mediocre to good, most people didn't care. (Also Hasbro got greedy and G5 paid the price, but that's a rant for another day)

Also G5 should have been it's own thing, with no ties to G4.

8. Celestia and Luna should not have retired. Celestia I can understand, but Luna? Poor Luna just got back to Earth (or whatever the planet's called), no way is she retiring like 5 years in.

9. The CMC all having the same cutie mark was dumb. (And felt like a cop-out. Let my girls be unique!) Also the cutie mark designs themselves are just the ugliest things ever. Did no one teach that designer color theory??

10. King Sombra is best villain. However they should have picked literally anyone else to voice him in Season 9. Or even have the VA do a different voice! It's not even a bad voice, it's just not King Sombra's voice.

11. The Apples and the Pies are not related. Let me ship Marble Pie and Big Mac in peace. Let people ship Applejack and Pinkie Pie in peace.

12. Sugar Belle and Big Mac are a terrible couple. Maybe they were fine off-screen, but all we see is miscommunication. The only way that marriage is ending is in divorce.

13. I actually like that EQG used pony skin tones instead of human ones. That being said, there was way too much whitewashing—just use the pony's actual coat colors. I promise you can give Luna dark blue skin and it'll be fine. (How the fuck did Habro make the character with literally white skin even whiter?? HOW?? WHY???)

14. And finally (holds up megaphone): Just because Applejack and Rainbow Dash were seen together in the end, that doesn’t automatically mean they’re a couple!!!! —Sincerely, someone who thinks AJ and Rainbow are too similar to be a couple.

Ooooo ok cool I also have some thoughts LMAO. long post so read under the cut

I also like Twilight as a unicorn more than an alicorn but I do think it was right for her to become one since it was the climax of her character arc. The problem is that the show was meant to end after she became an alicorn and it went on for several more season :,) I think she was an alicorn for far too long

Not really sure I agree with this since it was only Twilight's destiny to become an alicorn. While it would've been cool to see them as alicorns and the whole mane 6 put forth equal effort to saving equestria, it just wasn't meant to be lol.

i saw someone's AU where the castle looked more like the student 6's tree of harmony and I like that a lot more, THAT'S how you design a crystal tree house ^^'

I like Starlight Glimmer and her unconventional approaches to problem solving, but man she did get off way easy for nearly destroying the world. I mean, idk, community service or something? Also why is Cozy Glow, a child, in pony hell? Why was she trapped in stone? How did the writers think that was an appropriate punishment but other characters like Starlight and Discord get redemptions? ToT

agreeing, no extra notes lol

I have a few of them! I've read the Nightmare Rarity and mirrorverse ones, I really love the comics

Agree with this one as well. G5's issues all come from Hasbro wanting to make even more money off of G4 and not allowing G5 to be its own thing like it should have. Hasbro, a toy company, should have made way more collectible G5 merch instead of the same cheap brushables of the same 4 characters over and over. I also saw someone on twitter make a good point that the G5 show should've aired on disney+ instead of netflix since that's what most families have nowadays. truly, G5 is just a victim of corporate greed

Yeah I always felt bad for Luna for that lol. If Celestia wants to retire good for her, but at least Luna should've have stuck around and helped Twilight. Can't image Ruler of Equestria is something you just get used to immediately, esp as one person instead of two like before

Totally agree, no extra notes

He's not my favorite villain, but he is fun, and they could've gotten a better VA for him lol. Or at least changed the direction for his voice? The VA is skilled and sounds good but the voice was a little too smooth IMO.

Yeah it was never actually confirmed so it's not canon. I wouldn't worry about shipping them cause the show writers clearly don't care lol

It's kind of forced imo. They're two random characters and I think they just wanted to use Sugar Belle again. I don't remember that episode well but ig discord was stopping them from seeing each other? idk they should've just gone straight to each other. just not anything I'm invested in

Agreed, they should've had their actual pony colors if they're not gonna have realistic skin. It was weird that rarity became pure white and luna was lightened so heavily. and why is celestia pink. if they were trying to avoid racially coding the characters they certainly failed that cause it just implies that they're all white

I think some of the writers said it was canon? Or at least implied since hasbro wouldn't let them confirm it outright. I don't like appledash either way, and can just pretend it isn't real lol.

[ourtearsofrain]

Wish I Were Heather (D.R.W/S.F.K)

Summary: Needing a distraction to help him get over his ex, Sam asks Danny to join him at a party. Reluctantly, he agrees; but neither can expect where the night will lead them.

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka 

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count:  little over 4.5k 

Warnings: cussing, smut (18+ minors DNI), (safe) alcohol consumption, negative past relationships, choking (consensual; on dick), getting used during sex (in a consensual way that has clear signals and safety measures), crying during sex

--------------------------------------------------------

“Can you please, PLEASE, just go with me? I need a pick me up, and I will not be the loser to show up to Simon’s party alone.”

Danny looks up from his phone at the frustration in Sam’s voice, having been absent-mindedly arguing with him for at least 15 minutes, only to see him staring him down as his face twisted with a mix of annoyance and desperation. “I told you, I don’t go to his parties with you anymore. Not after last time when you drank so much that I had to practically carry you out.”

“C’mon, I wasn’t that drunk.”

Danny’s features deadpan as he looks at him, his voice flat as he recollects the night. “You threw up in my car. Twice. It was $50 to get it deep-cleaned.”

“Ok fair, BUT I paid you back for that. Please, Danny. You know I’ve been in a funk since Heather and I broke up and I- I really need this. I really, really don’t want to go alone.”

I can’t believe I’m about to agree to this. “Fine, I’ll go. On one condition.”

Sam’s face lights up at his words, nodding his head eagerly as he looks at Danny with a grin. “Anything.”

“You’ll watch your liquor. That means one hard alcohol drink max, OR no more than two beers. Don’t look at me like that, we both know your limit is higher. I’m not taking the chance of having to drag you out again, I want to have fun tonight too, not babysit.”

“It’s not babysitting, I’m not a child. But fine, whatever. Pick me up at 9?”

“Can do.” Danny only watches as Sam turns away from him and he makes his way towards the front door, only to stop himself as his hand finds the handle. Turning back towards him, sincerity crosses his features as he finds his words.

“And Danny, thank you. Really, I appreciate it. Promise I’ll make it worth it.”

“I’m holding you to that, Sammy.” He offers the other man a small smile before Sam opens the door, the sound of it closing behind him echoing on the walls as Danny’s mind spirals.

He had more reasons than just having to take care of a wasted Sam that had made him give him the liquor limit. Danny knew very well by now that whenever Sam got drunk, he got flirty and touchy with him. Being a decent human being, Danny never reciprocated the “advances”, knowing that his best friend’s state of mind was too altered for anything that happened between them to be consensual. Every time, he prevented Sam from taking it too far, not wanting him to have any regrets the next morning. Every time, he kept his own desires hidden until after he made sure that Sam had safely made it home or to his couch. And every time, he would retreat to the privacy of his own bedroom to cry himself to sleep, wrapping his arms around a pillow as he sobbed and wished that it was his best friend, sober and safe in his embrace.

--------------------------------------------------------

Cracking his eyes open, Danny squints at the clock on his bedside table, finally giving up on trying to take an uninterrupted nap as his nerves keep him drifting in and out of sleep.

8:50 PM

SHIT! Danny throws the covers off himself as he scrambles out of bed, frantically turning his light on and rushing to his closet. Grabbing the first top his hands find, he pays no mind to it as he throws it on and finds a pair of black jeans from his floor. He scrambles through his apartment as he wrestles his shoes on and grabs his phone, wallet and keys before stopping to look at himself in the small mirror by his door. With his curls an unruly mess from sleep, he twists it before securing it with a large claw clip, knowing he had no time to do much else with it.

The entire drive over to Sam’s, he goes five over the speed limit, knowing that if he was even a minute late, he would never hear the end of it. Somehow, he arrives just as the clock strikes 9, pulling into Sam’s driveway just as his front door opens. Sam waltzes out as Danny parks, wasting no time in yanking the door open and throwing himself into the passenger seat. “Who’s ready to paaaaartayyyyy?!"

"Please tell me you didn’t pregame.”

Sam rolls his eyes as he shoves Danny’s shoulder lightly, buckling his seatbelt soon after as Danny begins the drive to the party. “I didn’t pregame, Daniel. Can’t a guy be excited to go to a party to help him keep his mind away from his toxic ex?”

“Fine, fine, yeah that’s valid. Sorry I doubted you, Sammy.”

“You really should be.”

“So, need me to be your wingman tonight?” Danny’s heart sinks as he waits for his answer, knowing that even though Heather and Sam had broken up, he still needed to prioritize being his best friend despite his feelings for him.

“Na, I’m not looking for any action tonight” Sam glances over at him before he does a double take, his eyes glued to Danny’s outfit. “Hey, is that my sweater?”

Glancing down, Danny sees a white sweater, the top detailed with geometric shapes in black, dark yellow, green, and read as he realizes that he didn’t remember buying it. “Uh, maybe? I just found it in my closet, you could have left it at my place, and it got thrown in with my laundry. I would give it to you now, but I’m not wearing anything under so I can get it back to you tomorrow.”

“Keep it, looks better on you than it does me.”

“Oh- ok, thanks.” They say nothing more as they drive, finding Simon’s house in no time as Danny parks on the street a few houses down. It was clear that there was very obviously a party occurring as Danny removes his keys from the ignition, a thought popping into his mind causing him to stop Sam just as his hand finds the door handle. “Listen Sammy, if you want or need to leave at any time, just say the word and we can. I know this is to try and get your mind off Heather, but if it becomes too much, we can leave whenever.”

“Thanks. And again, thanks for coming with me. I know you didn’t really want to come, so same goes for you.”

“Alright. Ready?”

Sam takes a deep breath as he glances back to the house, his hand still frozen on the handle. “Ready.” Getting out of the car, they make their way towards the house side by side as the muffled sound of music grows louder. The smell of weed and alcohol immediately bombards their senses as they enter the house, finding the party well underway despite it being so “early” in the night. Various people greet them, friends and strangers alike, as they make their way through the rooms, quickly finding the kitchen together. Sam grabs an IPA from a 12 pack on the counter, wasting no time in cracking it open as Danny grabs a solo cup and fills it with water.

“Not drinking tonight?”

Danny shrugs as Sam takes a sip from his can, his eyes locked on Danny in a way that turns his stomach upside down with butterflies. “Don’t feel like it, plus I’m the designated driver, remember?”

“Sam! You made it! And you brough Danny! Didn’t think you’d be able to drag him to another one of my parties after the state you were in last time.” Simon’s cheery voice interrupts them, and both men turn towards the sound to see him approaching them with a smile.

“Yeah well, he only agreed because I promised him I wouldn’t get drunk tonight.” Sam laughs out as he hugs the other man in greeting.”

“Ah ok, let’s see if you stay true to that. C’mon, it’s been too long since we’ve seen each other; there’s a few empty spots in the living room where we can catch up!” Both men follow him into the living room before Sam and Danny take a seat on the only unoccupied couch as Simon sits on the coffee table across from it. They spend the next hour talking with him as Sam nurses his beer, trying to make his limited drink count last. Eventually, as the host of the party, Simon excuses himself to make rounds of the house, no doubt checking to see how much damage had already been done.

“You having fun, Sammy? I really do appreciate you agreeing to the drink limit, I know it’s more fun to be drunk at these.” When he doesn’t get a response, Danny looks over at Sam to see his focus fixed intently on something across the room, his face contorted with barely concealed rage. Danny follows his eyes until he sees the cause of his anger: Heather clinging to an attractive man by the front door, obviously watching them out of the corner of her eye.

“You see that guy she’s with? That’s the guy she told me not to fucking worry about. We broke up two goddamn weeks ago, we were together for four fucking years, and she just immediately throws herself into his arms the second she can?!” Pausing, Sam collects himself for a moment before continuing. “And to think, all the shit she gave me about you.”

“What?”

Sam sets his can down on the table, ripping his eyes away from the pair until they land on Danny, fury still dripping from his words. “She was worried about our friendship. She knows you’re bi and kept fucking giving me the ‘it’s me or him’ ultimatums because she was worried that you’d make an advance on me.”

Oh… “Oh.”

“Yeah. That’s- that’s actually why we broke up. I told her that I was spending the day with you because she was busy, and she blew up. Kept going on about how she just knew you were trying tot ‘take me’ from her, and how it was her or you.”

“You- you chose me, Sam?”

“Of course I did. You’re my best friend. And I know you didn’t like her, but you never gave me any ‘choose between us’ shit. She’s the one with issues, not you.” What Sam had never told anyone, especially Heather, was that he had thought about what it was like to kiss Danny. Nor that he had woken up in a cold sweat needing to change his boxers, with the last thing he remembered from his dreams being Danny’s eyes and his gorgeous nose more times than he could count. How he knew he would never cheat on Heather, but he was still embarrassed and confused by the thoughts about his best friend that plagued his mind.

Danny steals a glance towards Heather, finding her still throwing herself onto the other man as she eyed them from across the room. She shoots Danny a dirty look before going back to pretending to be invested in the conversation around her. Danny looks back to Sam, taking a deep breath before finally making eye contact with him once more. This is the stupidest fucking idea you’ve ever had, I swear to God. “Do you want to make her jealous?”

“What?”

“I said, do you want to make her jealous?”

“Yeah? I mean, she probably only brought that guy hoping I would be here. I’m not jealous, but I figure might as well give her a taste of her own medicine. What do you have in mind?”

Wiping his palms on his jeans, Danny’s eyes dart across Sam’s features as he begins to panic. What if he thinks I’m trying to make a move on him? What if he hates me for even suggesting it? “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Just this one beer, why?”

Danny takes a deep breath before forcing his eyes to meet Sam’s curious gaze, his nerves skyrocketing as he prepares to propose his idea. “Can I kiss you? Only to make her jealous, of course.” Sam’s eyebrows shoot up, his mouth drawing int a silent “Oh”, causing Danny to scramble to continue. “You don’t have to say yes, it’s just one idea, we can find another.”

“No. No, I mean yes. Yes, you can kiss me. To make her jealous.”

What have I gotten myself into? “Ok.” Danny tries to focus as he feels his cheeks heat, taking one last deep breath before he brings his hand to the side of Sam’s face, his hand gently cupping his jaw and cheek as he guides him towards himself until their lips meet.

Danny had only planned for their kiss to be quick and gentle, only long enough for Heather to have seen it. But as Sam melts under his touch, Danny can’t help himself as the other man’s lips part slightly, sighing into his mouth. Gaining confidence, Danny swipes his tongue lightly against the soft skin of Sam’s bottom lip, reveling in the slight hitch in his breath as their kiss quickly becomes a full blown make out, fueled by desperation and need. With his lips still parted against his own, Danny bites down gently on his lower lip, devouring the quiet groan that escapes Sam. Before he can think about it, the hand not on Sam’s jaw snakes its way around his lower back, pulling him towards himself to close the space between them. Sam shows no hesitation as he allows himself to be guided closer to him, his own hand finding Danny’s inner thigh closest to him as it slowly travels upwards. Too lost in one another, neither of them notice Heather staring daggers at them from across the room, her face beet red as she silently seethes.

Finally, after a few heated minutes they break apart, panting heavily as they stare at the other, their pupils devouring the irises of their eyes. “Wanna get out of here?” Sam’s voice comes out as barely above a whisper, but Danny has no trouble hearing it as he remains mere inches from his face, caught up in how Sam kept stealing glances back down to his lips.

“Yeah- yeah. My place or yours?”

“Yours, it’s closer.” The second the words leave his mouth, Sam’s hand immediately finds Danny’s, intertwining their fingers as he pulls him off the couch and towards the door. As they walk right past Heather, they pay her no mind at all as they rush out of the house and towards Danny’s car, her furious glare following their path until the door closes behind them. Danny doesn’t know how to feel as Sam drags him across the lawns, his heart and mind torn at how eager Sam seemed to be to get back to his house. What if he’s just horny or caught up in the moment? I know he isn’t drunk, but what if he regrets it tomorrow? What if he isn’t thinking straight and you ruin what you have with him. He’s my best friend, I can’t- I can’t lose him.  Danny forces his mind to quiet as they slam the car doors, turning his attention to the route back to his place as he’s quick to start his car. The drive is silent as neither know what to say, afraid that speaking would break the energy that had built between them.

Parking in his driveway, both men immediately scramble out of the car as soon as the engine shuts off, rushing to make their way towards his front door without a word. As soon as the door is shut behind them, Danny’s hands find Sam’s waist, pulling him towards himself as their lips reconnect. With the added privacy of his home, their kiss is charged with a heavy passion as their hands begin to roam over each other’s bodies, eager and wanting in the darkness of the hall. As Danny’s fingers toy with the hemline of Sam’s shirt, they brush the sensitive skin of his stomach, causing him to shudder and deepen their kiss as he leans into the other man.

“Can I take this off?”

“Please fucking do.” Danny pulls Sam’s shirt off in one brisk motion, his lips finding the soft skin of his neck as he begins sucking what were sure to become hickeys into his skin. Moaning, the sound that escapes Sam is no longer muffled by Danny’s lips as he finds an extra sensitive part of his neck, just below the hinge of his jaw.

Oh my fucking god, I can’t take this anymore. At the thought, Danny grabs Sam’s wrist, pulling him behind himself as he makes his way towards his bedroom. As they enter it, Danny pulls his sweater off, Sam’s sweater, and discards it on the floor before his hands move to the button of his jeans. Sam does the same, his shaking hands finally unfastening it as both articles of clothing join Danny’s sweater on the floor. Their boxers join them next before Danny backs towards his bed, sitting on the edge as Sam immediately follows to rest on his knees between his legs. Sam stares up at him with wide eyes, his lips parted as Danny takes his cock in his hand and pumps it a few times, hissing at the friction.

God, he’s so fucking gorgeous like this. “Gonna put that pretty little mouth to use or are you just gonna stare while I do all the work?”

Sam’s head immediately moves forward at his words, hips lips circling Danny’s tip as he experimentally swirls his tongue around it. Closing his eyes, Danny lets a heavy sigh leave his lips has his hands come up to grip the sheets at his sides. Spurred on by the nearly pornographic sounds leaving Danny’s mouth, Sam leans forward, taking him deeper into his mouth. Danny manages to crack his eyes open, looking down at the other man as pleasure courses through his body, electrifying him from within.

“Fuck- You look so good like that, Sammy.” The praise goes straight to Sam’s dick, moaning around Danny as he ruts his hips forward, only to meet nothing but empty space. Danny removes his hands from the bed beside him, brushing Sam’s hair away from his face and using one hand to hold it back in a makeshift ponytail, slightly tugging at the hair in his fist just enough for the other man to feel a slight sting. Sam responds by taking him deeper, testing his gag reflex as only an inch or two of Danny’s cock remains outside of his mouth. The sensation causes Danny’s hips to involuntarily jut forward, his hand in Sam’s hair pulling him towards his body until he’s completely buried in his throat.

Sam gags, but Danny’s too caught up in his pleasure to hear it. Gagging again, Sam tries to take a breath in but is unable to, his frantic gasp finally pulling Danny back to the moment. He immediately pulls Sam off as he gasps for air the second he finds he’s able to fully breathe again. “Shit- I’m so sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to- I didn’t realize-”

“Do it again.” His words completely catch Danny off guard, having expected the other man to end their activities then and there or react angrily.

Saying nothing, Danny raises an eyebrow at Sam as he looks up at him with wide, already fucked-out eyes, his lips slick with spit. “Tap me twice when you need air.” The second the words leave his mouth, Danny applies pressure at the back of Sam’s head until his nose brushes the hair at the base of his cock. Sam gags again as he holds him there for a moment, tears welling at his waterline as he attempts to find out just how long he can hold his breath. The next time he gags, his hand flies up to Danny’s calf, gripping his muscled skin forcefully but not tapping out yet. As he blinks up at Danny, his tears escape, trailing down his cheeks silently as Sam reaches his limit. He finally taps his calf twice, immediately being pulled off by Danny as he gulps down air.

Danny gives him a moment to breathe before beginning to reapply the pressure at the back of his head, waiting to feel any sign of resistance. When he doesn’t, he continues his motions, only speaking as Sam’s lips brush against the tip of his dick. “Again.”

Sam sinks back down onto him before Danny pulls him off, abruptly slamming his cock back down Sam’s throat the second he makes another gasp for air. He chokes but doesn’t tap out, allowing Danny to repeat his motions as he uses his mouth.

“Fuck, I’m so close-” Sam’s eyes roll to the back of his head as the other man abuses his mouth, too distracted to notice the ache between his own legs. Danny continues his assault on Sam’s throat for only a few seconds more before his head falls back, his eyes screwing shut as his grip on his hair only tightens. “Shit- I’m gonna-” Danny can offer no other warning before he lets out a guttural moan, his release coating Sam’s throat as he rides his night out. As he finally finishes, he pulls Sam off as he becomes overstimulated, the other man only slumping against his leg with a sigh, his head coming to rest on the side of Danny’s knee.

Once he’s had the chance to catch his breath, his focus is immediately drawn back to Sam who sat blinking up at him, still panting and taking heavy, deep breaths as he recovers. “We’re not done yet.” Danny pulls him off the ground, flipping their positions as he pushes him onto the bed with his feet still planted on the floor as Danny kneels between his legs.

His back arches off the bed as soon as Danny’s lips make contact with his neglected dick, having no trouble in completely sinking down onto him as he sets a brisk pace. Bobbing his head up and down, his hands grip the undersides of Sam’s thighs as the other man fists the sheets below him, and he comes undone with a high-pitched moan within no time.

When Sam’s spent, Danny pulls himself off, allowing himself to take in the sight of him laying on his bed and flushed from their activities as Sam pants heavily. Managing to sit up, Sam fixes his gaze on Danny before bringing his hand up to gently cup the curve of his jaw. Danny begins to lean into his touch before he stops himself, moving his hand up to push Sam’s hand away as he stands. He makes his way towards the other side of the bed as he deliberately avoids Sam’s eyes, drawing back the covers as he climbs in and removes the claw clip from his hair before he settles into the mattress.

“You can stay the night if you want.”

“What?”

“I said that you can stay the night if you want, Sam.” His tone is clipped and flat as he fights the tears at his waterline, threatening to spill onto his cheeks as his fears consume his mind.

“That’s it?!” At the frustration and hurt in Sam’s tone, Danny forces himself to make eye contact once more, instantly regretting it as he sees confusion and what he could swear was heartbreak painted across his features. “Is this just going to be something we pretend never happened? Or worse yet, never be able to look each other in the eye again. Just some quick fuck, one and done and that’s it? Did you just want to make Heather jealous, one-up her or something as revenge for how she thought of you? Was that all this was to you?” Sam’s voice breaks as tears begin to well in his eyes once more. Danny reaches for him, immediately wanting to comfort Sam before he stops himself, his fingers only inches away from his skin. “You can touch me, Daniel. You’re not going to fucking catch something.” Sam’s voice is low and serious, his pain tangible in his tone as he stares Danny down.

“Oh baby, no. It’s- it’s not you. I didn’t-” Danny takes a deep breath, trying to keep his tears from escaping as he tries to explain. “I didn’t want to scare you off is all.” His voice is quiet, thick with apology and regret as Sam laughs humorlessly.

“Scare me off? Danny, I just had your dick in my throat, you aren’t going to scare me off by trying to cuddle.”

Danny’s tears finally escape as he recalls his past experiences, the pain of them striking him deep in his chest. He knew he needed to explain them, he knew Sam deserved to know, but it still hurt all the same. “I know… I know. It’s just that- the other guys I’ve been with, they’ve never- they never wanted to cuddle or anything after. They always chose to leave immediately or fall asleep with their back to me. Either way, I always woke up alone.”

Sliding under the covers next to him, Sam makes the first move to reach out as he pulls Danny towards his body, their limbs tangling under the covers as he gently wipes the tears from his cheeks. He makes sure Danny’s looking at him before he responds, making sure that his voice was sincere and genuine. “You aren’t going to wake up alone this time, I promise.”

“I’m holding you to that, Sammy.” As he offers a small smile to the other man, Danny’s mind wanders back to the first time he had said those words that night, almost laughing at the parallel, at how much had changed since then. “I- I don’t want this to be a one and done thing, I don’t want this to come between us negatively. And I definitely wasn’t using you, this- us, to make Heather jealous or to get some kind of twisted revenge on her. I want- I want you to be my boyfriend, I want to be with you. I have since before you even met Heather, I just never said anything because of her, and because- because I didn’t want to ruin our relationship if you didn’t feel the same. I couldn’t lose you, Sammy.”

Sam places a gentle kiss to his forehead, nuzzling his face into his hair as the pair settle into each other. “I feel the same, Danny. I always have, I just- I just didn’t realize it until now. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Sammy. So can I- can I call you my boyfriend now?”

“Of course you can, as long as I can call you mine.”

“I’d like that.” Danny says nothing more as he half-sits up, leaning back and almost out of Sam’s embrace only to kiss him slowly before flicking the remaining light in his room off. Settling back into his arms, he snakes his own around Sam’s body as he buries his face into the soft, warm skin of his neck.

This time, no tears come as he drifts towards sleep, his arms finally wrapped around his best friend, his boyfriend, sober and safe in his embrace.

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A/N: Yes, I will almost always subtly make the villain/Sam's toxic ex her but not her, because it's funny to me. Toooooatlly just a coincidence that their names all start with H.

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