#it’s not really a thing anymore but i am sitting up rewatching s1 and i thought about it

[robinsbanduniform]

does anyone else remember the theories that el was actually sara, the drawings and similar stuffed animals + the staircase scene where hop is crying and it looks identical to the staircase we see in s2

[bisexual-panic]

i was rewatching s2 ep5 of Loki (mostly because that episode really confused me) and noticed this

when Sylvie is listening to the depressing record about love her back is to the door HER BACK IS TO THE DOOR WHEN ALL THE SPAGHETTING HAPPENS

in case anyone has forgotten (or just had simply no idea what i’m talking about and honestly fair) i am freaking out because in ep3 of s1 Sylvie states that she never sits with her back to a door and at the start of ep4 it is shown in a flashback that she was kidnapped by the tva while her back was to the door. it’s presumed that is why she doesn’t sit with her back to a door (that and centuries of growing up and living on dying planets and chaotic endings)

there is so much this could mean. for starters she has finally gotten comfortable in her life that she will sit with her back to a door (she should still probably go to therapy but yay progress) but this is also heartbreaking because she had finally thought she didn’t have to run anymore and not have to constantly look over her shoulder, she was with someone she considered a friend and was trying to do the normal things she had always wanted to do. she thought she didn’t have to live in apocalypses anymore and she wouldn’t have to survive in places that were dying around her. and then it all got spaghettified in front of her and she had to run once again

[savagewildnerness]

25 and 33!

Thank you for the asks!

25: Fave season and why?

This is actually a very difficult answer for me! Both as I don't hugely prefer one season over the other and as my experience of watching each season was really different!

I adored Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles from a child and teen and was excited to hear the show was being made... but I am also always equally terrified when any thing I love is adapted.

Sidenote: I saw a play on stage - a production of Amadeus a few years ago, a film I'd watched obsessively as a child... and I was initially excited it was going to happen and booked (1) ticket... but when it got close I felt like "I don't want to go! I'm not excited anymore because what if I hate it and then I not only hate it but it ruins my memory of the film I loved?!" Anyway, I saw the play and adored it so much I ended up seeing it like 40 times or something, LOL... I still wish I had a time machine to experience that play live again now. They incorporated live musicians (not dead ones hahahahaha) on stage too and OH MY, HOW I FELT THE MUSIC ALONGSIDE THE EXQUISITE ACTING. Oh, how I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed even watching it for the 35th time!!! I share to compare...

So, with IWTV - I knew it was happening, but I didn't follow production of the show and I didn't follow when it aired in the US. Every so often I kept thinking *When is this show coming to my country, because I *do* want to watch it* and eventually it arrived in Autumn 2023...

But even then, I went into it, thinking "Maybe I'll hate it." My predominant feeling before watching was FEAR. Not excitement or curiosity. Fear.

Then, Lestat watched Louis as Louis pulled a blade and put it to Paul's throat and in that INSTANT I felt "THERE IS MY LESTAT!". I didn't even think it. I felt it in my blood and bones and soul. And what with wondrous Jacob too, I was sold. Like ugh - the church at the end of episode 1. The music. Oh MY! But I was way past the era of the initial online excitement or chat around the show. I just binged the whole series till episode 5. I actually then found episode 5 incredibly difficult... and it was worse because by episode 4 into 5 I had fallen so in love with the show and, since it wasn't too long ago, I can clearly remember myself sitting, watching episode 5 and getting to the end of it and thinking. Oh. It is RUINED. I do not even want to watch any more. And it was a few days before I could bring myself to watch the rest of the series.

Of course, I watched the rest of the series. But I actually needed to rewatch the whole series then one time, after a few week's break before I could truly enjoy episodes 6 and 7 in full. I really did find episode 5 in S1 that hard.

So, with S2 I'm obviously here with you all, utterly addicted! I watched in a very different way - able to discuss episodes afterwards and immediately process things with this wonderful community!

Hmm... I would say that I like both seasons relatively similarly, but for different reasons:

S1 - I think overall, the resonance of it as a whole works better for me, and obviously the delicious chemistry of Sam and Jacob; Lestat and Louis and the Romance of Louis' immortal turning, bookended with the Gothic Romance of Lestat's murder is Shakespearean exquisite beauty to be. And Lestat's speech on the balcony, speaking Anne Rice's words... I just adore it SO much. Like UGH. My heart - with Lestat knowing Louis plans to kill him, but not truly believing he will until the second it happens, because he could never do such to Louis and surely Louis can't either... but then of course he must and Lestat's acceptance of it as an act of love and mercy from Louis. Vibrate my soul!!

S2 - I just love the poetry of S2. The poetic writing in episode 1 and the music in E1 - the way S2 began was just so beautiful to me. I cried a lot more during S2, often as I found DreamStat unbearably moving and/or poignant (either in and of himself or in his relevance to and what he expressed from Louis... and in E1, towards Claudia.). The You & Me scene - scenes like this where there is such exquisite acting taking place without even the need for words to articulate it. Lestat's letter; when Dreamstat vanishes. Assad's Armand also often made me cry. In the Louvre! The ache at the heart of Armand wherein he has so much love to give truly, yet doesn't understand how to be loved or how to love and so this pure love instead twists into the most terrible, terrifying thing, like a knotted tree! Also S2E5. S2E5!!! OMG what perfect TV! And I adore in an abstract sense how utterly Anne Riceean that episode is, despite being mainly created for TV, with not that many of Anne's actual words in! (And I adore Jacob doing takedown of Lestat using Anne's words, especially that they used the bit that truly would wound Lestat most from the books - when he calls Lestat's playing emotionless!!!!!)

So in terms of emotion, I would give S2 the edge. In terms of overall arc, I would definitely say S1. I'm going to say it: I know a lot of people loved E7 & 8 the most in S2 and as you can tell by my 100-plus gifs, I adored the Loustat reunion... but The Trial didn't fully work for me. Which isn't a negative comment. It isn't that I didn't like it. There's just so much I don't understand about it. Which is fine - Louis doesn't understand the trial in IWTV... yet there is more feeling to The Trial in the book of IWTV from what he sees in Lestat - things he hasn't described before... Whereas here - I don't understand fully why or how Lestat is in Paris; how much is his own free will (before and after the trial); I don't fully understand Armand's feelings and motivations and desires. I don't understand what, if anything has gone on between Armand and Lestat. I don't fully understand Lestat and Armand's feelings or motivations or drives and so then it is hard to fully feel from it all. I also thought we'd get a lot more answers regarding memory with all the memory is a monster hints and it felt like all that was opening up in S2E5 only to... just not really happen much more or go anywhere big enough for me after that...?!

Yeah... a super-long answer to this question, in which I didn't really answer the question...

What do you all think/feel? I'm curious!

33: Any hobbies?

Well I guess I use music in my work, so we can't call it a hobby, but I have never done any personally creative thing with music and do not in any way consider myself a musician, so I do love to try to be creative musically, alone, as a hobby if I can drag myself from the pit of *you are an awful human who ought not exist* I obviously love film and TV and I love going to the theatre. I love to read. I used to be a dancer, aged 3-18. I really miss that. I don't dance now. I did ballet, tap, jazz, contemporary, Romanian, modern and Scottish dancing!

I actually think there is something to be said for doing hobbies you are terrible at though! Then you can try to find the joy in a thing as you did when you were a child, with zero expectation, as you still have the skill level of a child too! I did like to draw as a little child (only till age 8-ish and that's where my skill-level ended) but I always hated painting, even in school. I was scared of paint and how you can't control it! Sometimes, now though, I find it fun to paint. There's no expectation as it isn't something I can do. But I really recommend to anyone to try a hobby you're terrible at - it can be freeing.

Pretty embarrassing to share this when there are so many actual INCREDIBLE artists on Tumblr (I am in awe of you all), but I'll share it in order to truly show you I cannot art and also to say - do these things - it can be the truest escape. Like, if I try to create music, I know enough to know how terrible what I am doing is. But I know I am terrible at art and that is FINE! It's just for fun!

Say hello to my wee ghost in the sky friend! This was actually inspired by the film A Ghost Story. Actually, you know, Daniel Hart is the creative involved in Interview with the Vampire whose work I have known the longest! I first heard (& ADORED!) his music in the film Ain't Them Bodies Saints.

Anyway, that's more than anyone ever wanted to read on these two questions, I'm sure!!!

[caffernnn]

It's been a while since I've sat down and rewatched eternal summer, and I've never seen season 3 and beyond. You understand Haru's character so I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about him becoming an olympic swimmer? ES aired when I was a teen uncertain about life too, I felt conflicted then, I feel conflicted now. Do you think it's good for him, and something he needed? And how do you personally feel about it?

HOO BOY I have some thoughts!

I remember seeing a great meta post talking about why the op thought Haru shouldn’t have gone pro (I’ll respond with a link if I can ever find it again) and although I don’t hate that he ended up going the Olympic route, did/do hope to see something different for him. I understand that Free! is a sports anime rather than a slice-of-life and it’s expected that the main protagonist would still be invested in said sport, but seeing Haru’s “big dream discovery” at the end of ES be simplified into competitive swimming after everything we’ve seen from his character felt... like a disservice, I guess?? From the moment we meet Haru in S1, we know that he loves swimming and his connection with the water, but doesn’t like being reduced and judged simply as a swimmer or swimming prodigy. His character journey throughout Free! was based on him learning to trust that his teammates were also his friends, and they wanted him around because he was irreplaceably Haru rather than just a means to an end. He rekindles his friendship with Rin and helps him gain some perspective of his own because of that journey and insistence that swimming is not only a sport but an activity of discovery and camaraderie. Part of the reason his friendship with Makoto is so important is because even though he also appreciates Haru as a swimmer, he’s been a constant presence and reminded that Haru has a personality and life beyond the pool as well. He stuck by him during the years when Haru couldn’t even bare to swim competitively anymore, and his motivations to push Haru to swim have almost always been rooted in the idea that it’s 1) something fun they can do together, and 2) it’s an activity that seems to bring Haru peace/joy. I’m rambling, but all of this is to say that when Haru feels uneasy at the beginning of ES about choosing a path for his future, a self-indulgent side of me wanted to see them lean more into Haru’s desire for freedom and reluctance to embrace the scouts/sponsors/etc presented to him. He was breaking as the years of forced expectations and his prodigy title were suffocating him, and it felt like this was the time for Haru to finally release himself from that weight by saying “hey, if I’m going to swim, it’ll be on my own terms, and I don’t have to be a pro athlete to lead a fulfilling/successful life because I am more than that.”

Probably controversial (pretty sure my opinion on Haru going pro is already controversial oops) but the Australia trip is where things really felt dicey for me in the story. I’m not mad that Rin steps in after the fireworks fight, and I think it was good for Haru to step away from everything for a bit after breaking down. They have good conversations that give Haru perspective and a drive to think about his future, and I appreciate that. However, it felt like Haru’s future was being chosen for him just like it was in the beginning of the season, even if Rin didn’t realize he was doing it. Sure, he would probably support Haru in whatever path he chose, but a large part of their rekindled friendship is still based in their rivalry, and Rin’s fire is tied to the drive he has to continuously get better because of said rivalry. From my perspective, he really wants Haru to choose the same path he did, and there are moments in the trip that make that clear. I’m not saying it was his responsibility to play guidance counselor on that trip (I’ve shared ~opinions~ before on how more adults should’ve been there to help Haru), but pushing Haru to choose his dream so quickly after finally being open to thinking about his future and then only talking to him about swimming... it just doesn’t sit right with me, I guess.

I wonder how things could’ve gone if he came back from Australia with the determination to create his own dream and didn’t settle on swimming yet. I wonder if anything would’ve been different if he first heard about Makoto’s dream and how he was able to find something that embraced both the love he had for swimming and his compassion for others. I wonder how things could’ve turned out if somebody close to him encouraged him to explore his other interests as well, even if he wasn’t as “gifted” in those skills as he is with swimming.

I just care for Haruka’s character a lot and see a lot of charm in the way that he never really wanted to be the main character; he never wanted to be something special beyond his true self. I don’t think all hope is lost bc of his choice to go pro and I’d recommend checking out S3 if you have the time, but there are still parts of Haru’s story I’d love to see explored in canon before the story officially ends. (I don’t think it’ll happen and I trust fanfic writers to do him justice, but it doesn’t hurt to hope) 😌

[mego42]

207 Discussion Q’s

shout out and thank you to @pynkhues for putting these together even though she wasn’t gonna be here this week

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

obvs the dubby but underrated fav is Ruby and Jane in the closet, idk exactly why but I am starved for the families interacting with each other content (screw the timeline, the most unrealistic aspect of this show is that they aren’t constantly in and out of each other’s houses with ben and sara continually being called on to babysit) so this little snippet makes me levitate

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

the annie and noah scenes for sure. I mostly feel betrayed bc I really liked them the first time I watched (i have a lot of built in affection for sam huntington let me live) and now I’m like BEGONE FOUL BETRAYER and feel pre-emptive fatigue over annie’s taste in men and how that’s not going to get better any time soon

3. I know time does not exist in the Good Girls universe (or in reality anymore), but let’s start with a timeline question! The implication of the opening montage is that a bit of time has past since Beth strongarmed the partnership with Rio at the end of 2.06. How long do you think it’s been? And more importantly, what do you think these early days of their partnership looked like?

I tend to lean towards at least 2 months, maybe more based on:

the number of shoeboxes and how many times Beth’s shown making a closet deposit

how lived in their annoyance over Beth’s dividing her time and Rio pushing back feels

the implication (at least how i read it) that Rio’s annoyance stems from having to track Beth down which presumably implies they’d grumbled their way into a semi-functional working relationship prior (supported by their ease with each other in 208) and if the montage has only been a month, that would be a maximum of 4 meetings and I don’t particularly think that’s enough time for them to get over being extremely prickly with each other

the fact that Beth goes to Rio for help when Jane’s missing (again, to me implies a longer period of time to get over some of their antagonism than a max of 4 meets)

I imagine their initial partnership went something like Beth being a smug brat about forcing her way in, Rio being deliberately unhelpful and trying to force her to admit she’s in over her head (while still keeping enough of an eye on things that his money isn’t jeopardized), Beth stubbornly refusing to and finding ways to rise to the occasion, Rio being grudgingly impressed, Beth being annoyed with herself for how pleased she is over that. Lather, rinse, repeat until they’ve worn a cantankerous but bizarrely comfortable groove into each other.

meanwhile, Mick, Annie and Ruby are absolutely disgusted by everything happening in front of their eyes.

4. The first scene between Ruby and Turner in this episode is a really dynamic one! It’s pretty clear that Ruby’s afraid of Turner, but what do you think Turner thinks of Ruby?

I think he sees a big cartoon canister labeled "Beth Boland Bait"

5. Taking the kids to the drop was a pretty big mistake! What do you think Beth should’ve done in this instance? Do you think saying no again to Rio was an option?

CALLED BEN OR SARA FOR A BABYSITTING ASSIST. For fucks’ sake.

And yeah, I think she could’ve said no to Rio but he would’ve kept her cut of that drop and, even worse, would’ve been able to hold the fact that she didn’t deliver that one time over her head forever more.

6. The krav maga teacher offers some sage advice telling Dean to not order the hit and instead just divorce his wife, haha. Do you think that he thought the baby hitmen would come through for Dean? Or do you think he was deliberately setting Dean up to get robbed?

I choose to believe the krav maga teacher knew exactly what kind of an idiot Dean was and set him up because the dude clearly had at least two brain cells to rub together and anyone with two brain cells to rub together would never get tangled up in a murder plot with Dean standing on the street corner telling random bystanders in detail how he wants to kill the guy that fucked his wife what do you mean established means and motive Boland.

7. During Ben and Annie’s tense conversation, Ben tells Annie that she’s hard to keep track of - she’s parent mom, cool mom, sketchy mom. In a lot of ways, this feels like a parallel to Ruby talking to Beth in the last episode and calling her ‘drug Beth, gun Beth, human trafficking Beth’. What do you make of this? And how do you think it relates to the show’s themes?

I defer to @foxmagpie’s answer because I like it a lot. 

8. The scene with the girls in the house! Tell me all your thoughts please!!!

I love this scene a lot

Beth’s channeling Rio in general but also specifically in 201 you will never ever change my mind

Sometimes I lie awake at night wishing Rio had seen it

Prayer circle that he sees a version of it in s4

Can you imagine the nightmare level of boner he would get? The sheer narcissism!!

Ruby’s obvious wish for new friends is The Most Valid

I really love the main drug den guy, I love Blake Shields’s energy, it makes the scene crackle, and I wish they’d bring him back purely bc he’s gr9

9. Annie meets Noah in this episode! What do you think of their introduction to one another? And how would you rate Noah on the scale of ‘Garbage Annie Love Interests’?

at least he’s not her therapist I guess

10. Beth has two pivotal and emotionally revealing fights this episode - one with Dean and the other with Rio. How do these fights compare? And what do you think they tell us about her respective relationship with them?

UUUNNNNNFFFFFFFF

I L O V E how hard the show goes on Dean’s obsession with Beth and Rio as the primary source of his angst

the fact that he’s trying to rope Stan into murder while looking for Jane who isn’t even MISSING but Dean had NO IDEA bc instead of giving a shit he went straight to HOW CAN THIS BE THAT GUY’S FAULT

I love how clearly they delineate that it isn’t about Beth but specifically about someone else ~*~taking~*~ Beth from him and how emasculated that makes him feel (something something something the storyline opens with the krav maga guy choking him out and then telling him to divorce her and Dean being like I reject your rational and logical solution bc it doesn’t punish the man who touched my property, idk i have a half baked thought there but i can’t pull it out of my brain)

and then it’s all underscored how little Dean’s worried about Beth and her safety by him bringing her work up specifically as a gotcha (which, unless I’m forgetting something, is p much the only context Dean ever brings it up in besides maybe the sit down fight but that’s again, about Beth acting out vs genuine concern)

Meanwhile, this is contrasted with:

Beth flipping tf out at the mere suggestion Rio would ever hurt her children, showing how deeply and instinctively she trusts him in regards to her children aka what’s been established as her Most Important Priority over and over (in the same breath that she rips into Dean for losing Jane in the first place)

which is doubled down on her immediately going to Rio for help

and he is FURIOUS at her, but the thing he leans hard on isn’t how she could have jeopardized the business deal (aka his money, what’s been established as his Most Important Priority over and over) but how she jeopardized herself and how badly she can fuck up if she doesn’t take this seriously

putting himself in a vulnerable position (presumably burning a connect, letting on that Beth means something to him beyond business) to look out for Beth’s emotional well-being

And then, just to drive it home a little further, @sothischickshe pointed out the Beth and Rio fight over Beth’s self preservation is directly paralleled with Stan freaking out at Ruby over the IA stuff because he’s worried about her and I had to go and stare at a blank wall for a few minutes to calm down.

anyway, draw your own conclusions.

11. Ruby takes Jane being missing as an opportunity to try and find evidence on Beth for Turner and, in the process, finds Jane too. How do you think this scene captures Ruby’s moral dilemma? And do you think it’s a satisfying turning point in the Ruby-Turner arc?

I struggle a lot with the Turner and Ruby plot specifically because I HATE that Turner’s ruthlessly leaning on Ruby as the weak link but I’m also ferociously attracted to him so I’m less bothered by it than I feel like I should be so mostly I just try not to think about any of it.

Idk, I see it in some ways as a continuation of Ruby’s fight with Beth and Annie in s1 where Annie said she isn’t blood. They put Ruby on the outside but when push comes to shove, Ruby still puts the two of them above her own family. As far as I’m concerned, Annie still owes Ruby a massive apology for that. Beth I let off the hook a little because by the end of the season she’s ready to turn herself in to make it all go away for all of them (I think, unless I’m misremembering, which is entirely possible bc I don’t think I’ve ever rewatched all of 213)

12. RIO GETS BETH THE DUBBY!! That’s it, that’s the question. Please discuss.

I think a lot about how the gesture is so baldly honest neither one of them can face it either at all (Rio) or without taking a shot first (Beth) which, now that I’ve typed it out, is also an interesting flip of their general MO bc under normal circumstances I’d put Rio down as the one that, of the two of them, is more willing to face stuff whereas Beth’s the one that hides from it.

[faejilly]

I was tagged by @la-muerta​ & @facialteeth​ & @thedivinemissema​ for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN  by @shadoedseptmbr​ @msviolacea​ & @ravenclawnerd​ for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic  au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

[hayleysstark]

GIVE US THE INTENSE ANALYSIS ON MERLIN AND KILGHARRAH YEEEES

may i just say, i am very glad you asked but i really don’t think you’re going to be, by the end of this. do you know how many Thoughts™️ i have had about one very stupid warlock and one very cryptic dragon???? do you????? do you know????? i could turn this into a fucking,,,,,, PowerPoint presentation if i cared to except i don’t and also i would never inflict PowerPoint on my followers, i love you guys far too much for that, i’m sorry for even suggesting it honestly

i AM sorry in advance for how long this is going to be, though, i’ll try to just reference key points, such as,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 

The Dragon’s Call

I legitimately don’t even know where to start with this, to tell you the truth - there is just so much to talk about here, and I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed - but I think, most of all, it’s incredibly important to note how easily, how effortlessly, Kilgharrah handles Merlin here. 

We don’t know yet how much Kilgharrah truly knows about Merlin as a person - all he ever mentions, in this interaction at least, is the destiny Merlin shares with Arthur - but Merlin gives himself away all too easily. There is such earnest desperation and hope on his face when Kilgharrah talks of fate. He lays bare the thing he wants more than anything else in the world–a purpose for himself and his power–and Kilgharrah immediately seizes this advantage. He dangles a “great destiny” in front of Merlin like a horse with a carrot, but he neglects the details and the specifics in favor of the big picture.

The only true instruction Merlin receives from Kilgharrah in this scene is “protect Arthur”. There’s some stuff about Albion, and freedom for sorcerers, of course, but Kilgharrah leaves it all a bit fuzzy, a bit scrambled. Clearly, he has plenty more to say on the subject, but he deliberately holds back. Like he’s going to clear it all up, yes, of course, but not tonight, no, maybe next time he sees Merlin.

And that’s exactly what he wants.

I know Kilgharrah’s cryptic, confusing, usually not-very-helpful advice is sort of treated a bit like a running joke, by the fandom and the series itself, but just think, for even a second, about the implications of it. 

Kilgharrah does not intend to tell Merlin everything he needs to know to fulfill the prophecy. Kilgharrah does not intend to tell Merlin even a fraction of everything he needs to know. Kilgharrah wants to keep Merlin coming back for more. Kilgharrah needs Merlin. Kilgharrah needs to earn Merlin’s trust. Kilgharrah needs to establish a relationship with Merlin if he’s ever going to get free of his prison. 

At this point in time, Kilgharrah does not care about Merlin. Kilgharrah does not care, even, about destiny, or Albion. Merlin is merely a means to an end, and so Kilgharrah treats him as such - gives him the bare minimum, gives him the slightest taste of what he wants, and pretends he’s doing Merlin an enormous favor the whole way through. 

Perhaps Kilgharrah expects Merlin to jump at this chance - after all, great destinies bring much glory - but that’s absolutely not the case, and, as Merlin gets blunter and blunter about his doubts and reluctance, Kilgharrah takes away all other options.

Kilgharrah tells Merlin that the prophecy is not something he can cast off or leave behind. It’s not something he can outrun. As a matter of fact, their very next interaction in Valiant has a similar exchange.

Kilgharrah cuts off Merlin’s escape routes. Kilgharrah wants to trap Merlin. Kilgharrah wants Merlin to feel trapped, fettered, bound to something he doesn’t even want. Kilgharrah does not want Merlin to have a choice, so Kilgharrah denies him this choice right from the start. Kilgharrah teaches Merlin that he does not get to say no.

And it only gets worse as S1 drags on. Nearly all of their earliest interactions follow the same pattern, every single time: Kilgharrah never gives Merlin the whole truth, and Kilgharrah never forgets to make Merlin feel special. 

And it works. It absolutely horrified me to sit through S1 at certain points - the pattern of malicious manipulation stood out to me so starkly, I couldn’t think how other people could even stomach it, to be honest. And even worse, you have to watch the hero wander right into the lions’ den, lay docilely down, and wait for the inevitable, because that manipulation fucking worked.

By as early as The Mark of Nimeuh, Merlin is clearly very at ease with Kilgharrah, visibly relaxed and even content in the caves with him. And it’s a horrific thing to see. If you recognize the pattern, if you recognize the way Kilgharrah draws Merlin in, it truly is a horrific thing to see. 

And it only gets worse. 

By The Beginning of the End, Merlin has started to take his destiny seriously–so seriously, he calls Arthur’s death “unthinkable”, so seriously that Kilgharrah advises him to kill a child, and Merlin actually takes the time to step back and consider it. This is where the true scope of Kilgharrah’s manipulation can best be seen, especially by the viewers who didn’t notice it, or just didn’t actively look for it in or after The Dragon’s Call.

As in The Dragon’s Call and Valiant, Kilgharrah cuts off Merlin’s escape routes. Kilgharrah traps Merlin. But it’s not like The Dragon’s Call, and it’s not like Valiant, not really, because this time, Kilgharrah is nowhere near as straightforward about it. He does not outright tell Merlin “you have no choice”–as a matter of fact, he is very quick to emphasize how much of a choice Merlin truly has. 

And how, if Merlin dares to make the wrong one, it’s going to be all his fault.

Again, this is where the full extent of Kilgharrah’s machinations fully comes to light. For all but Merlin.

Because Merlin continues to trust Kilgharrah right up until

Le Morte d’Arthur

The term “emotional rollercoaster” is, in all honesty, a very weak way to describe this episode, but it’s the best I’ve got, so that’ll have to do. So, to make sure I don’t just fuck off right here, rewatch this one, and cry literal buckets, the way I’d really like to, I’ll just jump right on in. (I already have this whole episode memorized by heart anyway.)

If the casual way Kilgharrah sent Merlin off on an actual suicide mission - in absolutely every sense of the term - wasn’t enough to tip Merlin off that the cryptic lizard under the castle couldn’t be trusted, well, don’t worry, because the rest of the episode certainly does that.

This is the moment when Merlin finally starts to see through Kilgharrah’s pretty words, this is the moment when Merlin finally starts to see the web Kilgharrah has woven all around him, and it is done absolutely brilliantly.

Kilgharrah has grown so confident–so complacent, even–in his control over Merlin, he makes no attempt, at any point, to mask his true intentions.

And Merlin never wondered, not even once, if Kilgharrah might have an ulterior motive, a deeper reason, to see Arthur succeed, to see the prophecy come to fruition. Merlin never suspected Kilgharrah of treachery or deceit. 

At first glance, this line is flat, unimaginative, unoriginal - you see it in every stereotypical fantasy series when the hero suffers a betrayal - but if you go back through S1 and you really pay attention to what’s led up to this, and damn, that line cuts deep. Because it’s true. It’s the truth. Merlin really believed Kilgharrah wanted the best for him. 

Merlin really believed Kilgharrah was his friend.

Because Kilgharrah played him like a goddamned fiddle.

And even now, Kilgharrah thinks he can pull Merlin right back under his thumb, he truly thinks he’s still got a hold on Merlin, however small.

When Kilgharrah sees he’s lost the emotional advantage he had over Merlin, he immediately finds another angle to work with - the magical connections he and Merlin share. And it backfires spectacularly.

This is the first moment we see Kilgharrah truly fail. And this is the first moment we see Kilgharrah lose all control, and lash out in wild fury.

This was not a calculated move. This was not part of the plan. This was not the way Kilgharrah wanted things to go from here. This is raw, uncontrolled, unrestrained rage. This does not fit into the grand scheme Kilgharrah has cooked up over all those years in the dark, this is something far more primal than that. This is an emotional reaction in the deepest sense of the term, and it’s Merlin who dragged such an extreme response out of him. 

But unlike in previous episodes, Merlin doesn’t come back and resolve it all. Things stay sour between them for–well, several weeks, actually, that’s my best guess, because we see in The Curse of Cornelius Sigan, Merlin’s outright refusal, at first, to return to Kilgharrah.

Gaius eventually convinces Merlin to mend fences with the dragon - Camelot will fall if he doesn’t, which certainly gives Merlin an incentive - but Kilgharrah’s help comes at a steep price now. 

It’s clear Kilgharrah has realized he doesn’t need to play Merlin anymore. He doesn’t need to hide what he really wants, and he certainly doesn’t need to do anything special to keep Merlin coming back to him. Merlin needs him. Merlin will come back so long as he still has a prince to protect. So Kilgharrah, with this newfound sort of freedom, goes to the opposite extreme. He tears Merlin down for the smallest thing, he criticizes Merlin for every last little failure, he sneers at Merlin’s resolute hold to his own morality, he blames and belittles Merlin, he is needlessly and openly cruel to Merlin at absolutely every opportunity.

In The Nightmare Begins, we see he refuses to help Merlin with Morgana, he insists Morgana is not to be trusted and he calls Merlin a fool for his attempts to help her with her magic. 

And, in The Witch’s Quickening, Kilgharrah reproaches Merlin for his failures with both Mordred and Morgana. (That’s honestly just a constant throughout S2 - Merlin does something, Kilgharrah tears him apart for it, Merlin defends himself and his decisions, Kilgharrah reminds Merlin of his promise to set him free, Merlin swears he will, and so on and so forth. I really don’t think we need to touch on every single interaction between them in S2, as many of them are largely the same.) 

But a few key points here….. 

The Fires of Idirsholas

Anyone notice how every season finale, with the exception of S4, marks a major turning point in Merlin and Kilgharrah’s relationship??? Because I fucking do. anyways, quick aside before we get into the more serious stuff

Merlin knows Kilgharrah well enough to know the dragon’s just fucking around, and honestly, that makes me so happy. one of them might be a scaly asshole and the other might be a magical bastard, but goddamn, their relationship still has its moments.

So this scene is,,,,,,,,,, honestly really important, I’ll just stick a bunch of screenshots in right here and dissect it as I go

Merlin acts rashly here, there’s definitely no doubt about that, but honest to God, this is one impulsive decision where you just can’t blame him at all. Kilgharrah has backed him completely into a corner–and, in keeping with his new attitude toward Merlin in S2, Kilgharrah doesn’t bother with subtlety, Kilgharrah doesn’t even try and rely on manipulation to get Merlin exactly where he wants him to be. 

It seems overt threats and brute force are the tools Kilgharrah has turned to, since he lost his command over Merlin in S1.

As we can see here, Kilgharrah does not bother to try and lightly nudge Merlin down the “right” path–why would he bother to be kind if he doesn’t absolutely have to be, after all? This is just the most complete turnaround from The Beginning of the End, and it’s absolutely astounding how smoothly, how neatly, the change in Kilgharrah comes about.

But, as we all know, the overt threats and brute force actually work. Merlin does exactly as Kilgharrah wants - he poisons Morgana, he steals a sword from the Knights of Medhir, and he frees Kilgharrah (anyone else remember the fUCKING MAGIC STAIRS THAT LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST UNTIL MERLIN NEEDED THEM Or nah just me?? maybe Merlin magicked them up with his phenomenal cosmic powers i dunno either way i fucking hate it)

And this string of Nice Job Breaking It, Hero! decisions leads us to……

The Last Dragonlord

There’s a lot of ground to cover in this episode, honestly, but for now, let’s focus on how Kilgharrah knew Balinor. 

Let’s break that shit down, because it’s really fucking important, actually. Kilgharrah knew Balinor. To that end, he must have known Merlin. Maybe he knew Merlin’s ancestry right from the start, maybe he sensed it, even, through the telepathic connection he established with Merlin in The Dragon’s Call, or maybe, the moment he laid eyes on Merlin, he simply saw so much of Balinor there, and he put it all together, but however he worked it out, Kilgharrah knew Balinor, and Kilgharrah knew Merlin must be Balinor’s son. 

And Kilgharrah deliberately withheld this from Merlin.

And Kilgharrah rarely makes a move without reason. Kilgharrah has always got some sort of plan, some sort of scheme, some kind of angle to work, and that’s exactly what he has right here. 

Because, God knows, if Merlin ever met Balinor, if Merlin ever learned about dragonlords, if Merlin ever had any knowledge of the magical world Kilgharrah did not personally hand to him, it would give Merlin an advantage. However small, this knowledge would give Merlin an advantage.

And Kilgharrah cannot let him have that. 

i previously touched pretty heavily on this episode, and what it means for Merlin and Kilgharrah’s relationship here, so i’ll just reiterate briefly ~ 

Ever since Le Morte d’Arthur, Merlin and Kilgharrah’s relationship has headed for something serious, something major–if all the bits of S2 weren’t enough to foreshadow that, Merlin’s final promise to free Kilgharrah in The Fires of Idirsholas certainly did–and that incredible tension finally comes to a head here. When Merlin discovers his own latent dragonlord abilities. When Merlin “finds the voice” that he and Kilgharrah share. When Merlin realizes Kilgharrah’s soul and his are “brothers”.   

Oh, no, Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah here–and that’s what most powerful about it, in all honesty, it really just wouldn’t have packed the same punch, if Merlin had truly buried the hatchet here. But he doesn’t. The hard edges of his anger soften, he sees revenge is a pathetic and pointless thing to try and exact from Kilgharrah, and he sees he has laid unnecessary and unfair blame on Kilgharrah. But he doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah. Not at all.

And Kilgharrah doesn’t forgive Merlin. 

Kilgharrah comes to respect Merlin. Up until now, Kilgharrah has seen Merlin as little more than a child–foolish and naive and entirely dependent on others, too easily tricked, too easy to take advantage of, too quick to trust, too quick to love, too quick to give his heart away–and while that perspective isn’t necessarily unfair, it’s not the whole picture, either. Merlin isn’t just a child. Merlin isn’t just foolish and naive and gullible. 

And for the first time, Kilgharrah really sees that. Kilgharrah has believed, up until right this moment, that Merlin’s heart, Merlin’s compassion, Merlin’s love, would lead him to his death, to Arthur’s death, to the fall of Camelot, to the failure of the prophecy. Kilgharrah didn’t truly believe Merlin could achieve his destiny. Not until right now.

Because, for the first time, Merlin’s heart, Merlin’s compassion, Merlin’s love, serves Kilgharrah.

Merlin shows Kilgharrah mercy (and commands him to “do the same to others”) and in the face of such an unexpected and undeserved kindness, Kilgharrah finally sees Merlin in his entirety. 

And Kilgharrah comes to respect Merlin.

Something fundamental has shifted between them. Something has changed here tonight, and it’s immediately obvious right from their very first scene together in S3. 

If that - and the gentle, almost sweet way Kilgharrah cares for Merlin here - didn’t already indicate a serious shift in their dynamic, the rest of it certainly does. 

If The Last Dragonlord wasn’t a thing, do you really think Kilgharrah would ever have said Merlin “showed great courage” when he followed his heart? Yeah. Neither do I. Oh, and then Kilgharrah allows Merlin to ride upon his back all the way to Camelot.

What a blatant change from S2, don’t you think? But the conflict between Merlin and Kilgharrah isn’t entirely over. With two such obstinate, contrary personalities, it’s almost inevitable, to tell the truth.

But The Crystal Cave is, I think, the first true example of how Merlin, rather than Kilgharrah, holds all the power in their relationship now.

In S1, Kilgharrah convinced Merlin he did not get to say no.

In S3, Merlin proves Kilgharrah truly does not get to say no. Kilgharrah has absolutely no choice in this, Kilgharrah has absolutely no power or control or command here. It all lies with Merlin. And Merlin is so damned out of line.

Don’t misunderstand me. It’s wonderful that Merlin has finally learned how to handle himself around Kilgharrah. He has finally learned how to stand on his own and stick to his guns, he has finally proven Kilgharrah cannot lead him around blindly as in S1. 

But Merlin is out of line here. Merlin does mistreat Kilgharrah here. Merlin does abuse his power here. And that’s not okay. 

Kilgharrah isn’t the sole “bad guy” in this dynamic, and Merlin is not his helpless, defenseless victim. It’s not so simple as all that. The minute the power is placed in Merlin’s hands, he uses it. He is every bit as cruel to Kilgharrah as Kilgharrah has ever been to him. 

(something very interesting to note here: Merlin waits to see what Kilgharrah will do. He’s already given his orders, there is little more Kilgharrah can do, but Merlin is genuinely curious to see if a dragon can truly shake off his control. As we see in Kilgharrah’s acquiescence mere moments later, he cannot. this has nothing to do with anything, I just really like the little detail.)

Kilgharrah and Merlin never resolve this conflict, but the next time they get together, in The Coming of Arthur, things appear to be back to normal. There’s no lasting anger on either side. Kilgharrah even proclaims his loyalty to Merlin, and lets Merlin ride upon his back again. 

In The Darkest Hour, the year’s gap has clearly only served to strengthen Merlin and Kilgharrah’s relationship even further.

Kilgharrah’s confession here is powerful enough all on its own, but the soft, sorrowful way he says it really plays up how much he would truly miss Merlin, were he to lose him now. Even Kilgharrah in S3 hadn’t yet developed enough–or, in truth, softened enough–to grieve Merlin as he does here.  

And yet, for all of that, Kilgharrah’s character stays mostly the same, right up until the end of the series. Yes, he has come to care about Merlin now - he doesn’t even try to deny it - and yet, he still cares for himself and his own plans more. 

And he makes that pretty clear in Aithusa.

To be fair to Kilgharrah, Merlin’s hesitation here is merely that - a hesitation. He is going to go after the egg. He is going to rescue Aithusa. He’s already made up his mind. He just needs a little push, and Kilgharrah’s intention here is simply to provide him with that push.

But guilt didn’t need to be that push. Guilt shouldn’t have been that push. The inherent malice in a mention of Merlin’s father felt cruel. Like a step backward for Kilgharrah and his growth. Like he hadn’t changed at all since S1. 

And it felt right! Kilgharrah shouldn’t have to change the very essence of who he is, as a character, as a person, to prove how much he has grown. He has grown! By leaps and bounds, he has grown, and this is not an erasure of that growth, this is a reminder that all that growth will not turn him into a pure or wholesome or unproblematic character.

If you really need a further demonstration of Kilgharrah’s development over the course of the series, just look at his reaction when he hears Aithusa’s egg is still out there somewhere.

This is not an act. This is real. Kilgharrah is overjoyed at the idea that he will not have to be alone any longer, and it astounds me, still, how truly open with Merlin he is here, how freely he expresses himself. Even as late as S3, Kilgharrah takes care to cloak and conceal his emotions even from his dragonlord, and to see him so candid is honestly a bit of a shock.

Kilgharrah has come to trust Merlin enough to be honest with him, to be open with him. For that alone, this moment is one of the most important the two share over the course of the series.

also, this episode is my personal favorite from S4, so have a rare glimpse of Merlin and Kilgharrah being happy together:

We don’t see much of Kilgharrah from here on out - in fact, we don’t see him in S4 at all after this - except his brief appearance in The Sword in the Stone ((which was hella rad, by the way, don’t ever piss one Merlin Emrys off or he will just call up a fucking dragon to rain down literal hellfire on you i guess)) - but the times we do see him are very important!

The Kindness of Strangers

Raise your hand if this episode just utterly wrecked you, because,,,,,,,,,, uh,,,,,,, yeah,,,,,,,, as the kids say,,,,,,,, “big same”,,,,,,,,,,

Merlin and Kilgharrah’s time together is actually very short, in this episode, but all the more poignant and impactful for that. It’s clear right from the first moment Merlin opens his mouth that the dynamic between the two of them has evolved yet again. Aithusa definitely planted the seeds for this new and stronger relationship, but it’s only here we get to see those seeds truly blossom.

So, yes, there are definite echoes of Aithusa here–Kilgharrah is honest, he’s candid, he’s open with his emotions, but unlike in Aithusa, he’s much freer with his affection for Merlin. Sure, he’s certainly had his moments (The Darkest Hour jumps readily to mind) but even so, he’s never been quite this quick to confess how much he’s truly come to care for Merlin.

And it’s a rare thing, really, to see Merlin so relaxed around Kilgharrah. It’s taken the two of them a long time to grow so comfortable with each other, and it’s wonderful to finally get to see it!

………oh, yeah, and then there’s this

So this is kind of branded into my memory (listen, I was already braced for Arthur’s death, okay, I did not expect to lose Kilgharrah, too, and if you think I didn’t cry literal buckets after this episode, you are fucking WRONG) but the bits that really stick out?

“What will I do without you?” “It is the cycle of life–no more, no less.”

The two of them have really just come such a long way, haven’t they? Remember in S1, when Merlin was merely a means to an end for Kilgharrah? Remember in S2, when Kilgharrah was nothing more than a necessary evil to Merlin?  

Now, Merlin cannot imagine his life without Kilgharrah and now, Kilgharrah tries to ease Merlin’s grief and sorrow in any way he can. 

Which, actually, is the exact same thing he does in 

The Diamond of the Day

Kilgharrah has just seen Merlin fail, in the worst and most enormous way possible. Destiny has finally come to fruition, and Emrys himself was not strong enough to stop it. 

And yet, Kilgharrah - who, in the past, has never hesitated to point out all the ways Merlin went wrong, no matter how Merlin feels in the moment - offers nothing but comfort, and the first glimmers of hope for the future.

A little hard to believe, isn’t it, that this is the same dragon we met in S1. damn it’s been literal years and i’m STILL shook over the drastic change in the two of them. 

Though the core of the characters remain largely consistent, the two of them truly just shape each other so much as the series goes on. 

Merlin would not be the person he is in S5 without Kilgharrah, and Kilgharrah would not be the person he is in S5 without Merlin.

thanks for coming to my TED talk ~ 

[the-resurrection-3d]

April writing wrap-up

Well, this month was also pretty low-- only got 12.2k words written, received 1 acceptance a few weeks ago and got 1 rejection today from a place I forgot I’d submitted to, lol. I think I’m just gonna take the L on that one + the cnf piece that’s also been racking up rejections. It’s funny. There’s this publishing adage that if you need an answer fast, the answer is no, but in my experience, unless a mag says upfront “hey it takes us eight months to respond,” long wait times are what really mean no. 

But then again I’ve only gotten one acceptance this year, so maybe I’m just bad. Much to think about.

I’m still waiting to hear back on one submission.... and the actual issue comes out next Tuesday. In 3 days. I really wanna see if they can actually respond before then. 

Regardless, I’m honestly not too hurt by all these rejections anymore because ETF 2 got accepted and it fucking blows everything else out of the water in terms of quality, no question about it. I’m very proud of that piece. If it’s the only thing I publish this year then so be it.

 So that acceptance + “holy ground” becoming my most popular fic ever (barring my old acotar bat boys fic from 2017, which has been privated because it’s bad and also not good) is really all the writing validation I needed this month. I have an idea for another infinity train fic, but I still to rewatch s1-2 and then plot it out, so we’ll see what happens there. I’m hesitant to commit the time because I’m worried it’ll be 10-15k and then get the EW fic treatment -- I have literally hundreds of thousands of words of Eddsworld fic sitting on my hard-drive because it’s simply not worth my time to polish them up and post them. But the response to HG has been really reassuring! I need to get back to revising my book but I am also fundamentally a lazy and incompetent person, so again, we’ll see. 

I also don’t know how much writing I’ll be able to do in the upcoming months with my surgery and general adult life closing in, but oh well. I wonder what I’ll be like on morphine. 

[fanfic-inator795]

So... Now that We Bare Bears is officially over, here’s a hot take for you:

Season One was the best season and the show just kinda plateaued/got blander after that point.

Season One had some of my favorite (and what I’d argue to be the best) episodes of the series. Episodes that even years later I still remember like Burrito, Jean Jacket, Food Truck, Occupy Bears, Charlie and the Snake, and the first two Baby Bears episodes (which were not only still a fresh concept at that point, but were also two of the best Baby Bear episodes).

This season had pretty decent jokes, but it also had some of the best emotional moments as well as the best character and character relationship moments between the three brothers. When I think of We Bare Bears, my mind always jumps to moments from s1. It was charming and grounded while still being entertaining and sweet, and there’s a clear season why it didn’t take me very long to get into this show.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of eps after s1 that I like. Episodes like Chicken and Waffles, Panda’s Art and Bubble are peak Panlie content, Baby Bear episodes like The Island are still enjoyable, we still get those emotional hits like with Captain Craboo (the only ep, imo, to rival Burrito in terms of emotional gut punches), Hurricane Hal and Googs. Also, eps like Grizz Helps, Go Fish, The Perfect Tree and ESPECIALLY I Am Ice Bear are just plain enjoyable. 

But seasons 2, 3 and 4 also had more overall issues than s1 that kinda brought them down. Season 2 relied a lot more on vignette episodes that had each bear doing their own thing, as well as more episodes where they fought. Now, episodes like this do serve a purpose in developing each of their characters as individuals, but the main reason why I watched the show was because of the GROUP dynamic, so I’d always be a little disappointed when they’d separate for an episode, even if it made for an interesting set up or good jokes.

As for s3 and 4, as others have mentioned before, they rely wayyyyyyyyyy too much on the Baby Bears episodes. Other than seeing their origins, most of the BB eps followed the same formula, and there’s only so much cute you can do before it just gets dull :/

The humor and a lot of the stories also started to feel pretty flat by seasons 3 and 4. I remember during a week of premieres watching all the episodes, and only Go Fish and Googs got big reactions out of me. Granted, WBB was never a super hilarious show like Wander Over Yonder, nor was it the type of show to have big emotional moments every episode. But after such a strong first season, a lot of the time - especially during the last two seasons - I was just sitting there waiting for the next Burrito or the next Jean Jacket.

Granted, this all may be a personal bias from me since I haven’t rewatched any episodes in a while and I’ve even missed some episodes of s3 and 4. But that’s the thing: I didn’t feel bothered to watch them unless I heard from the fandom that they had some truly amazing moment (or Panlie fuel) in them because I had sat through so many meh episodes previously and I didn’t want to waste anymore time.

So yeah, while I agree that the WBB movie was a pretty disappointing ending to the series overall, given that the Icy Nights arc and the Grizznom and Panlie arcs are now without endings, I’m not sad that the show has ended since the writing was pretty much on the wall. Yeah, with a 5th season we could’ve gotten a couple more amazing episodes... but we also probably would’ve gotten half a dozen middle of the road vignette episodes and another half dozen Baby Bears episodes (which, why are they making those their own spinoff? Whyyyyyyyyyy)

In that sense, I guess it’s better to end with an alright grand adventure with a happy ending then on an otherwise meh episode like the Monsta X one. Still, looking back on the show as a whole, I wish it could have grown more. Now to be clear, I DON’T wish that it suddenly became a grand epic like SU or Adventure Time, because I love the show for it’s slice of life feel. 

I just wish we could have gotten more of the eps like I named above - eps that either did something really interesting with the characters, had some really powerful moments, or were just really funny or really enjoyable and fun. But instead, it felt like 80% of the time we were getting super safe and familiar plots with jokes that made you sorta smile more than they made you laugh and character development that moved at a snail’s pace. Any one of these flaws on it’s own would have been fine and easy enough to deal with, but all three at once? It just made for a pretty boring show after a while...

So yeah, while I’m still sorta sad to see the Bears go, I firmly believe the show peaked early and has been on cruise control for quite a while now - and in terms of being a fun, chill slice of life while still growing their characters and stories, Craig of the Creek has overshadowed WBBs for quiiiiiite a while now, so go watch that show if you need your chill and charming slice of life fix.

[panharmonium]

a face like a wounded bear (i’ve just got a few things on my mind, that’s all)

back on my merlin rewatch rambles this week.  i’m finishing up S1 now and just putting down some notes here for myself about 1.11 - specifically, how it ties back to/is informed by 1.10, because this is something that’s been on my mind for a long time.

these got a bit long so feel free to scroll past if this isn’t your cup of tea!

standard disclaimer for people who don’t know me and might stumble across this: i got into this show late and i have not finished season 5.  i am GOING to finish season 5, hence this rewatch.  so far i have remained unspoiled for the end of this show; i super appreciate everybody helping me stay that way.  you have my permission to laugh at me for being ten years late to this show in the first place and also for taking a geological age to finish the last four episodes.  i understand and fully support you in this; in my defense, i have been using the break to write fic, so i hope all can be forgiven in the end X)

with that out of the way, some thoughts!

i. a wounded bear

i really appreciate how much angrier merlin suddenly is at everything once we hit ‘the labyrinth of gedref.’

he’s still trying to help solve arthur’s problems, and he’s still rooting for arthur to succeed, but he’s also snappy and irritable and getting lost staring out windows, and his patience level with arthur in particular is set to absolute zero.  it’s not a catastrophic change - it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like arthur anymore or that he doesn’t still respect arthur for what arthur...could be, and for what he is, at moments; merlin obviously still deeply admires him for caring so much about the people of camelot and he obviously still believes that arthur is noble at heart and worth supporting.  but he’s simultaneously sick and tired of arthur’s particular brand of princely BS, and in this episode it’s starting to show.

before this episode, merlin used to tolerate arthur’s dumbassery with a kind of...willingness to be amused as opposed to annoyed.  arthur would go into his “insult merlin” routine or say something only a rich idiot would say and merlin would just laugh it off, or quip it away, or roll his eyes and get on with his day.  he was kind of…gently entertained by the people he had to serve.  he was having a little adventure right then, you know?  and the nobles, arthur included, were colorful characters in this story he’d walked into.  if they were occasionally insufferable, well, at least they were good for a laugh.

for example, that episode where arthur keeps asking merlin to cover for him so he can go have his little dates with sophia?  merlin winds up in the stocks for it three times in a row, but the first time, he just shrugs it off with his typical cheery equanimity and wryly says, “i forgot how much fun this was!”  and then when arthur asks him to cover for him a second time, merlin is just psyched that arthur is having such a good time with sophia, and he immediately agrees to do it, saying, “don’t worry, i’ll find a way to get you out of it!”  and then he’s back in the stocks, but when he comes out of them, gaius is more annoyed at arthur than merlin is.  and then after arthur runs off to “elope” with sophia, and merlin ends up in the stocks a THIRD time, it’s just the funny zinger at the end of the episode.  he’s not upset about it.  it’s just like, “meh!  here i am again!  classic merlin misadventure, what can you do? :)”

there is no chance that would fly in the back quarter of S1.  none.  zero.

merlin is completely fed up in 1.11.  starting with the hunting party’s slaughter of the unicorn, and then branching out to other, smaller things - every dismissive thing arthur says to him, every time arthur ignores or denies the reality of their situation and tries to pin responsibility for camelot’s misfortune on sorcery rather than his own actions, every time arthur makes stupid comments like ‘merlin you’re less intelligent than a rat’ - in this episode, merlin doesn’t roll with those things.  he snaps back, or raises his voice; he refuses to be talked over, he bites back “i’m THIRSTY” when arthur tells him to stop smacking his lips in the granary.  

in another episode, that stuff might have been delivered in a jokey way - and it will be again, some day in the future, when they’re both back to having fun with it - but merlin’s not having fun with it in 1.11.  he’s giving arthur challenging stares and resentful glares instead of friendly, this-is-just-how-we-tease-each-other looks.  his tone isn’t amused or fondly exasperated, it’s frustrated or irritated or, sometimes, straight-up angry.  

there’s a point in one of their arguments where merlin says he believes what anhora is saying, and arthur’s cold response is, “then you’re a fool.  you cannot trust a single word a sorcerer says.  you’d do well to remember that.”  

and merlin gives him the most baleful glare. like he wants to just...strangle him with his eyes.  like he has so many cutting things just sitting on the tip of his tongue and can’t decide which one he wishes he could say first.

ii. a few things on my mind

this, i think, is where it’s worth remembering that this episode takes place in a larger context than ‘arthur did a dumbass thing at the beginning of the episode and merlin’s upset about it.’  

because merlin definitely is upset about the unicorn, but merlin’s also just upset, full stop, about things that have nothing to do with the unicorn or camelot’s curse or camelot to begin with, and it’s bleeding over into other areas of his life.

to clarify: i don’t think we can really understand merlin’s subtle attitude shift in 1.11 without understanding that 1.11 takes place immediately after 1.10.  

1.11 is one of two S1 episodes whose positions in the timeline we can actually pinpoint relative to their neighbors (the first being 1.02, which is directly stated to take place on merlin’s “first day as arthur’s servant,” aka the day after 1.01).  1.11 likewise can be mapped accurately onto the timeline, because kanen comes thundering into ealdor bellowing “it’s harvest time!” in 1.10, and then in 1.11 camelot is bringing in their harvest, too (literally, gaius yells at the end, “they’re bringing in the harvest!”). 

there’s really not any wiggle room there.  the harvest season is only so many weeks long to begin with, and we know ealdor was pretty far along with their work in 1.10 - we see the evidence of their labor, and if the grain hadn’t already been harvested, kanen’s group wouldn’t have had anything to steal.  ealdor is smaller, so it makes sense for them to finish faster than camelot, but it looks like camelot is just getting started in 1.11, given the state of their grain reserves and the fact that so much grain appears to be unharvested when the blight hits.  and, that being the case, honestly, camelot had to have started like, immediately after 1.10 finished, or even while that arc was still going on.  it’s already pushing the boundaries of disbelief that they wouldn’t have started by the time ealdor has gotten so much done.  there’s no plausible way they could have waited any longer.  harvest season is the same for everyone; it’s not some kind of rotating schedule.  people only have about a month to get it done in the first place.  

so these two episodes occur, at the absolute most, a couple weeks apart from one another, and that’s only by the most generous of estimates; it’s more likely that they’re closer together than that, given the information above.  but honestly, it doesn’t matter whether it’s two weeks or two days - either way, merlin in 1.11 has something going on in his head that’s extremely recent and taking up kind of a lot of his energy.  

i don’t know that this angle gets looked at often, because the understandable tendency is to mostly focus on merlin in relation to arthur, and this becomes especially true in episodes that contain arthur+merlin umm...idk, focus scenes like the one near the end of 1.11.  but this is the angle that’s always on my mind when i watch the end of S1, because if there is one hill i’ve staked out for the digging of my future grave, it’s the following:

merlin’s life does not revolve around arthur pendragon.

this probably qualifies as an unpopular fandom opinion, but it’s something i absolutely refuse to budge on.  

and of course it’s just my own read, obviously; you may have more fun coming at this episode from a different direction, and that’s totally cool!  but for me, my understanding when i’m watching this season - merlin’s life does not revolve around arthur pendragon.  especially not yet, especially not now, when merlin has only known arthur for a few months and he’s just coming back from being with people who have known him (and i mean known him, known everything, known him for real) for something like twenty years.

merlin’s life does NOT revolve around arthur pendragon.  his relationship with arthur, at this point, is not the most important relationship in his life.  arthur is not the best friend he’s ever had.  arthur is barely merlin’s friend at all, right now.  arthur likes him all right, yes, and merlin likes him back, most of the time, but arthur doesn’t even know him, really. 

arthur doesn’t know.

and i love arthur and merlin, like - i’m as down for the mythic, destiny-laden, we-find-each-other-in-every-universe dimension of their dynamic as anybody, and when those two finally have an equal, healthy friendship going on, i’m going to be cheering for them.  but it doesn’t change the fact that merlin had a life before he came to camelot, or the fact that by 1.11 he’s only been in camelot for a few months and doesn’t really know arthur all that well yet.  

you can pick whatever example you want to illustrate this point; there are enough of them to choose from, but one of the clearest is in 1.11, when arthur passes his final test and drinks anhora’s fake poison.  merlin thinks arthur is dead, at that point - he’s pretty well convinced that the poison was real and that arthur has just keeled over dead on the beach - but his reaction to arthur’s ‘death’ is....i don’t want to minimize it, exactly, because merlin's obviously upset about it, but at the same time the level of distress he displays is visibly, objectively different from what we see from him in other contexts.  it looks nothing like his naked grief when will is slipping away from him in 1.10, or his desperation when his mother shows up deathly ill on his doorstep in 1.13.  he doesn’t look at potentiallydead!arthur the same way, or talk to him the same way, or touch him the same way - of course he hustles right over and shakes him to see if he can wake him up, but it is just...you can watch these scenes next to each other and they are just not the same.  it is not the same gentle way he leans over his mother, the way he takes her hand, strokes her forehead, folds gaius’ rabbit’s foot into her fingers.  it is not the same way he cradles will in 1.10, when his fingers are in will’s hair and his hand is just - reflexively rubbing will’s head in a way that is just so...intimate and automatic and brokenly tender like -

of course it’s different with them!  he loves them!  watching them suffer is torture for him, and the idea of losing either of them is devastating to him on a scale i can’t possibly understand.  he’s only ever had two people in his life.  one parent.  one friend.  they were his whole world.

so, yeah, merlin is stressed about arthur’s apparent death.  he’s upset.  he likes arthur, he believes in arthur, he’s appalled that this is happening.  but it’s not a personal grief.  there aren’t any deathbed confessions.  there aren’t any gentle touches.  there aren’t any tears.  his protest to anhora isn’t ‘i love this person and i don’t want them to leave me;’ it’s ‘i was meant to protect him!’  it’s about him failing at his “destiny;” it’s about the fact that someone told him he was born like this for a reason and now he’s failed at the job that gave him a sense of purpose, at the thing that made him feel like having magic was worth all this terrible trouble.  

contrast this to when his mother shows up dying in 1.13, and gaius tries to prevent merlin from saving her by bringing up the importance of merlin’s “destiny.”  on that occasion, merlin’s immediate incredulous retort is, “my destiny?  this is my mother.”  

arthur’s death and merlin’s distress over it all come back to merlin’s unfulfilled destiny, in 1.11.  but merlin couldn’t care less about his destiny when it’s his mother’s life on the line.  my destiny means nothing if i cannot save her.

merlin’s life does not revolve around arthur pendragon.  not here, not now.

[that said - it’s different, of course, later in the series.  merlin’s reaction to arthur’s supposed death in 5.07 isn’t just “oh no i failed!”, it’s also a personal, particular anguish.  they matter to each other, by then.  (though even then i think there’s a lot to be said about the…unhealthy tragedy of merlin giving up on his own wants and needs and worth as a person who exists outside the context of this narrow mandate to protect someone who doesn’t know who merlin really is and wouldn’t love him if he did - but that’s just the situation merlin’s trapped himself in, by that point.  it’s what he’s accepted for himself.  it’s all he thinks he deserves.)]

[that’s a post for another day, though, so.  back to the point.]  

merlin’s life does not revolve around arthur pendragon.  merlin had a life all his own before he came to camelot, and during the last quarter of season 1, every part of it that matters to him is falling apart.

i keep coming back to this, every time i think about this kid.  there’s just no way to overstate the fact that merlin’s world up until this point has always been just two people.  his whole life has been just two people.  his whole life has been just one parent.  his whole life has been just one friend.  

and after 1.10, his one friend is dead.

i think we dramatically underestimate the impact of merlin having half of his world obliterated, just like that.  

that’s not something he gets up and strolls away from.  he can’t roll with that punch.  he carries that for the rest of his life.

you know what i mean?  it would be a disastrous enough thing on its own, without even getting into the fact that it unfolds in a way that is SO complicated and tied up with messy personal history and regret/guilt that it needs to be parsed in an essay of its own (which, yes, i might already have half-written; yes, i have too much extra time on my hands this month.)  we’re also not getting into the fact that like - okay, the sort of grimly positive flip side to only having two significant relationships in your life is that you’ve also never personally experienced any significant bereavement.  you don’t have any extended family to mourn, no friends to lose, et cetera.  so to have your first experience with loss be something so huge, when you’ve had no practice dealing with grief, and to be trapped in a place where you aren’t allowed to discuss it honestly because if you told somebody what it all really meant you’d be executed?  

i’d be in a bad mood, too.

merlin is such a good kid and he tries so hard to have a smile for everyone, but i can’t watch the last quarter of S1 without seeing the strain of this weighing on him.  it affects how he reacts to the situation with gwen’s father in 1.12 (more on that another time), and it absolutely plays into the fact that he spends the season finale racing from one side of the kingdom to the other, desperate to sacrifice his life for someone else’s.

^^ regarding that last bit - i think about that a lot.  merlin tries to die three separate times over the last three episodes of S1, and it’s not that he’s...running around trying to get someone to kill him, exactly, but there’s definitely a very real sense that he’s dumped any interest in self-preservation, at this point, that he doesn’t care what happens to him.  if dying is what it takes to make sure nobody else is taken away from him, then that’s fine.  he will do literally anything to not feel this again.

merlin is trying to process something so big for him and he’s trying, by necessity, to do it alone, because he left his mother behind and came back to camelot where nobody understands that the only person other than his mother who ever loved him just died lying for him.  he is so stressed out in the last three episodes of this season and so desperately unhappy about things he isn’t allowed to even mention, and i just think it’s impossible to evaluate these episodes outside of that particular context.  

“we haven’t done all the things we’re meant to do,” he protests in the finale - and you can feel that aching admission come welling right up out of his soul.  it’s uttered in a new context, yes, but he’s been thinking it for weeks and weeks and weeks already, too late to change anything, too late to buy his friend any more time.  he’s hurting.  and he goes zipping around from life-sacrifice to life-sacrifice in the last three episodes in a desperate attempt to keep himself from hurting more.

iii. i’d never have a friend who could be such an ass

the point of all this is the following: the reason merlin sounds like he’s fed up with arthur in 1.11 is because he is fed up with arthur in 1.11.  he’s fed up with everything.  they all just got home from ealdor somewhere between a couple of days and a couple of weeks ago, and merlin is reeling.  he feels like his head and his heart are still trapped on the other side of the border.  he’s sick of looking at arthur’s arrogant, insensitive, infuriatingly alive face - and i say this while recognizing that, even at the same time, merlin also cares about arthur, and believes in him, and lionizes him; admires him; hero-worships him, even.  these two things can be simultaneously true.  merlin’s relationship with arthur is already so fraught with dissonance (how can you care about someone who thinks people like you are inherently evil?  how can you respect someone who oppresses you?) - and merlin’s always carried two contradictory truths when he navigates their relationship, one in each hand.  and right now it’s just that one hand is holding something too heavy.  he’s not being bitchy, he’s busy - he’s trying to deal with something that is taking up 100% of his mental and emotional energy; he doesn’t have anything left over to accommodate arthur pendragon’s dumbassery. 

and arthur pendragon IS a dumbass; let’s not pretend that he isn’t.  i love him, and he has moments that are so admirable and glorious and shining that they take your breath away, when you can see why gwen says you are going to live to be the man i see inside you; i can see a king that the people will love and be proud to call their sovereign (that speech makes my eyes sting EVERY TIME, it gets me right there) - but arthur is STILL a dumbass.  no question about it.  he has so far to go, still.  he’s dumb in all the generic ‘oblivious rich dude’ ways, and he’s also a jerk in his own specific ‘arrogant arthur pendragon TM’ ways, and merlin at this particular moment doesn’t have the energy to deal with it.  he likes arthur, even at this early stage, despite all the mental gymnastics he has to do in order to like someone who hates magic-users.  but merlin’s closest friend in the world is dead, and arthur is such an asshole sometimes and it’s like - this is what i got in exchange?  this is the trade the universe made?  what the hell makes arthur more deserving of being here than somebody who loved me without being told, without being taught, without needing to be constantly convinced that i should be allowed to exist and be safe and be loved on this earth?

are we really surprised that merlin wants to strangle arthur after that trademark ‘you cannot trust a single word a sorcerer says’ comment?  merlin has enough reasons to resent that on his own behalf, but his own secret isn’t the problem, this time; the problem is that they literally just got home from their little jaunt to ealdor and the only reason arthur even made it back from ealdor in the first place was because (as far as arthur knows) a ‘sorcerer’ died saving his stupid life, and arthur knows that, and still, this is what he has to say?  

and that’s on top of like - back in ealdor before they left, the fact that arthur really felt it was necessary to take time out of his day to come over and reproachfully chastise merlin about not disclosing will’s ‘magic,’ AT WILL’S FUCKING FUNERAL???  “you know how dangerous magic is.  you shouldn’t have kept this from me.”  AT WILL’S FUNERAL?  RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS BURNING CORPSE?  LIKE????  HELLO????

can you imagine being in this scenario???  and thinking???  yeah this is appropriate.  this is the time.  

how is merlin supposed to respond to that?  when arthur’s like ‘you know how dangerous magic is’ and merlin is just like ????!!  we are AT HIS FUNERAL!!!  we are literally WATCHING HIS BODY BURN!!!!  you know how dangerous magic is FFS THAT ‘MAGIC-USER’ COULDN’T STAND YOU AND HE STILL SAVED YOUR UNGRATEFUL LIFE AND HE’S DEAD BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT AND WE’RE AT HIS FUNERAL OMG IS THIS THE TIME?  IS IT EVER GOING TO BE THE TIME?  SHUT!  UP!

of course merlin wants to kill him.   

so anyway.  i really appreciate merlin’s sudden prickliness in this episode.  it’s subtle enough not to be completely jarring, but it’s still clearly perceptible, and i’m glad for that, because this is something that should be perceptible, given the timeline, but at the same time merlin would never, ever mention what’s really bothering him out loud, because a) the sorcery element and arthur’s involvement in how things went down have made it an absolutely unbroachable, forbidden topic, and b) guilt has wired merlin’s jaw shut.

^^ re: that last thing - it’s a post for another day, and i won’t really get into it now, but suffice to say, once again, that merlin spends the last quarter of season 1 running around trying his absolute hardest to throw his life away for someone, and i just feel like...i think it says something about the kind of pain he is in, and the kind of apology he feels he needs to make.  

he is having a very hard time.  merlin in the back quarter of S1 is feeling very alone and very much like he doesn’t deserve to ever feel better. 

so if he’s a little bitey with arthur’s trademark noble nonsense, i think we can cut him some slack.

[brightly-painted-canvas]

Hi! I've noticed you wrote rami and joe being roommates in one italian joe fic and i love the idea!!!! Do you mind sharing maybe more hcs?

Hi! Sorry for being so late >.(since I couldn’t finish today and tomorrow’s entries for the Sledgefu week, I figured I could at least reply to your request that was sitting for some time in my ask box)(it still took some time to write ‘cause I tend to get a lot invested in these things… hope you don’t mind!)

It all starts because Rami has to move to NYC to film Mr Robot and the flat he had decided to rent for the first months in the city is suddenly no more available (for an unlucky coincidence of bad maintenance from the previous owners, delay on reparation works from the current owner and Rami’s lack of time to get directly involved in these matters) and he has to ask to his New Yorker friends for a place to crash, promising it would be only for the time it takes for his flat to get fixed

of course Joe is the first friend to reply and the most enthusiastic one because he’s like that and he’s always there to lend a hand

of course (2) Rami’s own flat’s works get delayed over and over again and at the end he’s finishing shooting S1 of Mr Robot and he’s still living with Joe (and loving the shit out of their shared routine)

since the first week of their cohabitation, Joe has Rami saved under ‘Roomie Malek’ on his phone (and finds it hilarious, thank you very much)

he steals Rami’s phone at some point and saves himself as ‘Joe Roommazello’ (also hilarious, he’s born to make great puns)

Rami never changes that for some reason (reasons different than his inability with technology I know how to make my phone work Joe fuck right off)

problems with Rami’s real inability with technology start manifesting when Joe, who at that moment is a 30 years old single and ready to mingle boi, realises it’s impossible to successfully end a date with Rami as a roommate, since he doesn’t check his phone EVER and he always misses Joe’s texts about needing the house for himself until at least 11 pm

the times Rami walks in to Joe and a gal/bloke making out on the couch reaches uncountable amounts very fast

Joe is very uncomfortable and Rami is always apologetic but he simply seems unable to solve these recurrent awkward situations by checking and maybe replying to Joe’s desperate texts and phone calls

Joe tries to find a remedy by buying a large whiteboard he hangs on the kitchen’s wall. He divides it in seven sections for the seven days of the week and then instruct Rami to use a red marker while he uses a blue one

the whiteboard is to keep tracks of their schedules so that everyday they know what they have to do and at what hour they should be expected home without having to call the other’s manager

it starts off pretty well but then it becomes so convenient that they begin to leave messages on each other’s daily space, written in their marker colour but in opposite handwritings (‘remember to buy milk’ ‘I’m lactose intolerant’ ‘from Rami to Rami: remember to buy milk’ - underlined - ‘from Joe to Joe: remember to buy regular milk for Rami and soy milk for you’ ‘trip to LA in one week’ ‘I’m gonna miss you’ ‘you’re coming with me’ ‘oh right I forgot’ ‘this is what the board’s for’, etc.)

(a third marker is added to the board. It’s green and it means things they do together)

(it’s still impossible to prevent Rami to catch Joe in compromising positions with his dates because even writing ‘DATE NIGHT’ - underlined - on the board doesn’t mean Rami’s sleepy and tired mind after a full day on set is going to remember that he needs to give Joe his private time at home before he can have dinner, take a shower and fall into bed)

(trying to have sex while Rami’s eating cereal in the kitchen is an absolutely miserable experience, Joe finds out)

Joe stops dating altogether at some points. It saves him the stress to try and find a date and getting ready and spending lots of money for nothing. Moreover, his evenings are already plenty of fun with his and Rami’s late dinners and movie nights and script readings and scene rehearsing and lazy cuddles on the couch

cuddles are a must in their house, by the way. It’s written in their Roommates Contract which they never actually redacted but they quote from all the time since they rewatched S1 of TBBT together (‘before the show turned to shit’ ‘please don’t say that in public’). They’re both very tactile, affectionate men and they really really don’t care about any toxic masculinity crap, especially in the privacy of their own home

they mostly cuddle in the evening on the couch under a blanket (watching old movies they both love like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ which is Joe’s favourite and always makes him cry a bit at the end) or on Joe’s bed when Rami comes home very late from set and really needs a hug before going to bed. Joe is always willing to hug someone in distress, even if that requires being woken up at 2 am with a armful of yawning Rami Malek complaining about skipping dinner and feeling NY’s freezing winter weather into his very bones

(Joe hugs him closes and then gets up to make him a ham sandwich while Rami takes a boiling hot shower)

Rami doesn’t date. There are multiple reasons why, but mostly it’s because he’s too busy with filming his first leading role in a tv show and because he’s not one for one night stands so he prefers skipping the dating process altogether while he’s too into his job to really make an effort

plus, Joe’s enough of a reassuring, calming presence in his life at the moment. He’s someone Rami can trust wholeheartedly, from that time he calls him from set panicking about forgetting to turn off the stove that morning (to which Joe has to run home and check if that is true and their apartment is on fire - it isn’t -) to that other time he fell sick with the flu and Joe cancelled his plans to take care of him and make sure he didn’t die of dehydration and lack of medications

Joe is also someone who makes Rami laugh and smile and be happy and he does so all the time, effortlessly. It is probably the characteristic that Rami loves the most about Joe, together with his intelligence and his good manners and his profound respect of others

(basically, everything about Joe is nice in Rami’s eyes)

(and it seems everything about Rami is nice in Joe’s eyes too)

because Rami is also enough for Joe. He’s there for the whole writing process of Joe’s directing debut ‘Undrafted’ and when Joe needs help rehearsing or proof reading a scene, he’s willing to sacrifice all his free time to lend a hand. Rami’s presence in Joe’s home is comforting to the point he find it difficult to fall asleep or remembering things like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping when Rami’s back in LA or somewhere promoting Mr Robot because what’s the point?

(Joe doesn’t like to do things alone anymore)

Rami makes Joe feel safe and grounded. Joe has always been a bit of an anxiety-prone person, always fretting about this or that but at the same time incredibly inclined to fall into profound boredom during lulls in activity between jobs. Rami’s presence somehow prevents him to get too caught up in his own mind during busy times and too lazy to function as a regular human being when he’s got nothing to do

it somehow reminds him of when they first met, on the set of The Pacific: Rami had been an anchor for him at that time too, the ‘one who makes it great’ with his hard work and grace under pressure and willingness to always strive for more, better, best. Their great connection and synergy had started back then and never left. This knowledge makes Joe sad sometimes, thinking about all those years in between when they hadn’t been as close, hadn’t kept in touch enough

sometimes they call Martin just to bother him at odd hours (mostly when it’s already late at night in Ireland) and they always invite him to the US to spend some time together, even if they’re all very busy with their works. Some other time they arrange nights out with Noel and Brendan and all those other The Pacific kids they’re still in contact with because they still get along like brothers and New York is the place where all their roads cross at some point or another

members of their families come to visit and arranging sleeping accommodations when the Maleks are over is the most complicated task: they have two bedrooms with queen size beds and a couch that can accomodate one more person, but they always refuse to let Nelly sleep on it and both offer their own bed to Rami’s mom

after hours of offerings and complaints (Italian hospitality having a fitful match with Egyptian proper manners… the Mediterraneans are all stubborn and prideful in their own ways of being good people), she accepts to sleep in Rami’s bed while the twins take Joe’s bed and Joe creates a nest for himself on the couch

(Nelly wakes up early one morning during their stay to find the couch empty and her three boys all asleep on Joe’s bed with Joe’s laptop still open showing its screensaver and Sami curled up against Rami’s back as Rami’s head is on Joe’s shoulder and Joe’s right arm is under Rami’s waist)

(she closes the door quietly and prepare breakfast for the four of them and doesn’t say a thing when they all emerge sleepy and messy from Joe’s bedroom, but she smiles knowingly at Sami when he catches her eyes as they witness Joe and Rami’s perfect coordination in serving each other toasts and coffee with the right amount of milk and sugar without having to say one single word)

when Yasmine comes to visit, she usually stays in a hotel with her fiancée/husband so they only have to worry about dinner and entertainment

when Joe’s sister comes to visit with her family, Rami gets so excited to see Joe’s nephews that he can’t fall asleep the night prior. He loves chatting with Mary and her husband but the kids are an absolute joy to have around: they play board games and watch movies and one time they all go ice skating together and Rami almost tears up when the youngest calls him (albeit accidentally) ‘uncle’ for the first time

soon (too soon) Mr Robot S1 is over and Undrafted is ready to go into production and while they’re very excited for their new projects, they feel like they’re slowly drifting apart and they don’t like it one bit

Rami is conflicted about moving back to LA for the months he has before S2 starts filming and taking his stuff with him to finally free Joe of his presence. He’s got enough time to look for a new place to stay on his own while he’s back living with Sami, but somehow he doesn’t want to proceed with this plan

Joe’s rarely at home enough to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but at the same time Rami doesn’t think this is a topic they can discuss over the phone so he delays his flight and he delays having to think about it until

one evening Joe comes home tired and stressed out and crushed by the amount of pressure he’s under to make this movie (HIS movie) work

Rami is there to comfort him and force him to eat dinner and have a shower and going to bed and when Joe breaks down crying in his arms sobbing about not being good enough it takes Rami 0.01 seconds to decide to cancel his flight and stop worrying about what’s right and what’s proper because he’s needed HERE RIGHT NOW and he has to stay but most of all he WANTS to stay

he’s never gonna be perfectly sure he’s the right person to do this for Joe, if Joe needs him because he is conveniently already there in his life or if he’s there because he has been good all along (chosen maybe), because they made it work and it’s working perfectly, because somehow they’ve become exactly what the other needs for it to be right

he’s never gonna be sure but they don’t really have to talk about it either because they both wants this and they’re ready to make an effort to make it right and keep it being right

(Rami thinks Joe makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person. Joe thinks Rami makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person)

soon (2) it’s time for Mr Robot S2 and Rami never really went away in the meanwhile, but that’s okay. Joe is editing Undrafted and it’s maybe not going to be the best film ever made but it’s good and Joe likes it (and Rami likes it a lot) and that’s okay. They’re still living together and their families still love coming to visit them and their whiteboard is still full of things to do written in green and that’s okay. Rami stops looking for flats to rent or buy in NYC and that’s absolutely okay

they celebrate one year of being roommates with dinner in a fancy restaurant downtown (Rami’s choice) and a walk in the park and when they get home they watch Netflix on Joe’s bed and Joe says ‘if I’d known the only way for you not to ruin a date night was having a date night with you, I’d asked you out sooner’ and Rami laughs until there are tears in the corner of his eyes

they are (more than) okay.

[ambitionsource]

S1 Rewatch/read - Maddi's Take [1.08]

apologies if this is late! i think it is about two days late by new zealand time but oh well, everyone kept interrupting me when i was trying to read it so i didn’t even listen to the last three songs. OOPS :(

Favourite SCENE the longer the episodes get, the more difficult it is to choose favourites ALSO the more rl scenes there are in an episode, the more difficul… you get the idea! i have a funny feeling a lot of us are going to be choosing the lighting booth scene with rl and the literal ALMOST KISS. I MEAN!?!?!? that is the stuff right there friends. oh wait, i wrote a list of things i was going to say as i went i need to get okay here we go

Favourite PERFORMANCE Maggie please don’t disown me for not choosing Dancing Queen bc yes it is a classic but I couldn’t even see past 9 to 5. Pure charm, fun and mother-daughter love went into that and it cannot be denied! ABBA who? I only know Maya and Katy Hart ty

Favourite CHARACTER (within context of ep) i think i’m being a bit snarky today? anyway maybe it is bc of the one and only LUCAS J FRIAR. in all honesty this is what most of my notes were about as I read the ep. Please allow me to go off: Lucas is shown in this ep as being unwilling to do the performance part of the assignment. He maintains this stance until two things happen: Dasher reveal that they and the other techies see him as a leader and influencer in the techies, and then Riley teaches him to loosen up and dance. Now, not to discount our gal Isa, but it is clear that these two relationships have a huge influence on Lucas. Dasher admitting that they turned Lucas in bc they see him as a leader that needs to show better attitude (was brave of them) made Lucas remember that his actions and words can affect the mood of the group. This is a big realisation bc even after last episode Lucas didn’t really believe this (and last ep Riley was the one to suggest this to him hmm). The thing is Lucas doesn’t necessarily WANT to influence people but then when he realises that he does, he steps up. and we have to stan. Lucas and Riley! Riley seems to constantly be on Lucas’ mind. When he sat close next to her a t lunch!!!!! i just about died. he did that on PURPOSE. Last ep Lucas: hmm touching?… This ep Lucas: yes i enjoy physical affection quite thoroughly. ANYWAY idek what i’m saying anymore but LJF found every. single. excuse. to touch his crush this ep and that just about does it for me. i could live off this (i mean i basically have had to for months now as we know)

Favourite LINE twas Asher: He’s onto us! He knows! Look, you can see it on his beautiful, withholding face!  ty Ash! we know! also thanks to Riley for “just look at me” to Lucas 

Underrated Moment Dylan and Asher taking turns to write on the whiteboard - imagine one side is messy and one is neat. This would be very cute! The amazing montage of the culture swap where Riley made Lucas laugh and also Charlie almost died of thirst for Zay byE Shaawn and Angela being CUTE the entire time

Something I missed the first time OKAY i know this is an essay at this poinnt but I’m not done! start off by saying Zarlie - kings of positivity, power, popularity and PANICKING! also Zay protected and stood up for Charlie and then took him to the LOFT but this was right after Angela sang Over and Over to Shawn, which in my opinion is not a coincidence! Finally, I want to write an actual essay on the comparison of Lucas and Farkle in this ep. Farkle mirrors Lucas’ unwillingness to do the assignment, but he also tries pretty hard and keeps failing. Its so hypocritical when Farkle will make fun of Lucas the entire series up to this exercise and yet he is actually terrible at things too. I noticed Farkle’s mental illness peeking out so much more this time and i think its interesting how there is a juxtaposition of Lucas learning to open up and loosen up while Farkle becomes more and more tightly wound hmm i’m not sorry this got crazy, cheers

--

helllllllll YEAH MADDI MA’AM!!! your analysis of ljf... i am well fed. thank you for this. i loved your point of how lucas doesn’t want to be a leader but steps up if he has to, because that feels so quintessential to him as a character in just about every universe (as cotu also comes to mind as the pinnacle of that trait). and then yes rl... love to obsess over small things like hand touches and sitting close at lunch and dance lessons... did they kill me? i believe so! and the little thought about dylan and asher’s differences on the whiteboard... that is so cute lmao. ugh. love them!! love them all!! and nice thought about how the order of things in episodes is not a coincidence... dare i say you’d be right on that front luv,,,

[killian-whump]

OUAT 3x04: Rewatch Liveblog

Hey guys! I'm back again with another rewatch liveblog. Man, I'm kinda storming through S3 so far, due to the lack of Killian whump in a lot of these early episodes. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll make up for that by spending a quarter of a century on the next episode :P

But before THAT episode, we have THIS one! It's episode 3x04, and it's called "Nasty Habits". Unfortunately, none of those habits seem to be torturing pirates, because there's only some Killian angst in this one.

Well, let's watch it anyway... ;)

Neal bondage. Way to start off an episode!

Shame I'm not that into Neal, though :/

Hahaha, and Felix isn't even good at tying people up. Theeeere goes Bae.

Gotta admit, his "I'm not a boy anymore, and I sure ain't lost" is kinda hot XD

Bae: "Papa, I told you: I don't want anymore gifts from the people you terrorize." Ummm. Rumple, that's super fucking creepy. Rumple: "Then what do you want?" LIKE, LITERALLY ANYTHING THAT ISN'T THAT.

Hey, solid question here, but why IS the Dark One still living in a hovel at this point?

Oh, totally unnecessary but kinda awesome warpaint time.

And creepy Belle conjuring time. I mean, kudos to you for maintaining your child-like wonder, Rumple, but having invisible friends at your age IS kinda weird. Just saying.

Although, I mean, it DOES do a solid job of giving Rumple a chance to tell the audience his own inner doubts and fears in a far less creepy way than having him literally talking to himself.

So there's that.

Wow, that's a really nice little miniature "Pan's Compound" made out of rocks and sticks. Did they all work together to gather the rocks and arrange everything so artfully? Or did one of them just sit there and do this on their own like the world's loneliest middle school art project? And if so, who?

"It's not the sticks you need to worry about. It's the poison they're dipped in." MEANINGFUL OMINOUS CAPTAIN CHARMING LOOK BEHOOOOOOOOLD

Tink: "One nick, and you'll spend the rest of yo-" Dave: "Poison sticks equal death. We got it." No, no, Dave. Let her finish. This sounds relevant to my interests.

Tink looks so cheerful as she says she's ready to go as soon as they tell her the exit plan. Oh, sweet summer child. You're obviously new here.

...ALL of their faces right here. They're all like, "Oh shit, we were hoping you wouldn't ask us that." Except Hook, who looks as vaguely amused by their reactions as we are.

Regina's SO happy to hear of Greg's demise. I FEEL YOU, GIRL. I FEEL YOU.

David: "what about you, Hook? You got off this island before." Hook: "Yes. Aboard my ship, which would require some form of magic to create a portal, which... I got from Pan, in a deal I don't think he's ready to repeat." TELL US MORE OR I SWEAR TO GOD

He can't even meet anyone's eyes as he says it, either. Just what WAS that deal, Hook? Don't make me imagine it. You won't like what I imagine. Mmmm. I like what I'm imagining...

More angst. Yum.

Ahh... Rumple hears the murmurings of conversation...

BAM! Poppy dust to the face! Why did he use poppy dust, though? I mean, I assume it's poppy dust, since it looked the same as when Tink knocked Regina out last episode - which was pointed out to be done with poppy dust.

OH, HEY LOOK, GUYS, IT'S BAELFIRE

HE'S NOT DEAD, EVERYBODY!

Don't act like you've already known that since last season, because that's just gonna make Rumple feel bad for being so behind on the news.

THIS IS WHERE A COMMERCIAL WOULD BE IF WE HAD ANY

True Story: I meant to do this rewatch post the other day, but when I sat down to watch the episode, it turned out my copy of 3x04 was somehow episode 4 of Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, so I had to go online and re-download the right episode, because of course I’m too lazy to rip my own videos. I just download them like the dirty pirate I am. Yarrrrrr.

Anyway, this episode seems to have slightly longer black breaks where the commercials were. Weird. Anyway...

SERIOUSLY, RUMPLE?!

We've already talked about how creepy it is, giving your kid "gifts" you stole from the people you torment with your dark magic.

Oh, look. Rumple's gone to Hamelin. And the children are missing. And there's a piper. And he wears a pied cloak. THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR... (and I don't mean from the previous times I've seen this episode, you smart asses.)

Rumple: "Pan is too powerful. You can only beat him if you're willing to die... which I am." Ummm. But you were willing to die to save Henry because Baelfire was dead, and... and... I mean... *gestures vaguely* Neal: "What if I told you there was another way?"

No, apparently it involves attacking one of Kraken-san's friends and relations. Don't worry, guys, no krakens were harmed in the harvesting of this squid ink. This particular kraken lived long after this, and sired a bunch of tiny kraken babies who went on to plunder pirate butts all along the shores of Neverland after the realms were united in S7.

It's true. I made it up just now.

Hahahahaha, Regina. "What is this supposed to be?" Well, it looks like... a gigantic rock of some kind, but I'm no expert or anything.

Oh, it's the "hot" conversation. I love it XD And the way David snaps the rope away from Hook, like he doesn't need his piddly help. "And I'm plenty hot." Yeah, you sure are, Dave XD

Mmmm... Hook's so intense when he's talking to Dave. "Why don't you?"

"Oh, if there's one thing I've gleaned from you hero types, it's that there's always hope." <3

"Is there something you're not telling me... mate?" Oh, NOW he's your mate XD

"Alas, hope and reality are most often worlds apart." T_T

Sure, just shove him, Dave. Can't you see he's going through something here? Look how angsty he is. Like an angst burrito wrapped in black leather.

OH SHIT. NOT THIS AGAIN.

I love the way Emma calls out Hook’s name. It's so familiar <3

Come on, baby. You can light the torch this time. Just keep trying. You can do i- DAMMIT DAVE. Every time I watch this episode, you shove him out of the way and use your fancy shmancy modern lighter to light the torch. He's just an angsty pirate, trying the best he can with one hand and a hook T_T

Showin' him up in front of Emma and all that... SO MEAN T_T

Hook's face, tho XD

...and Emma's not even paying attention, anyway XD

On a more serious note, these kinds of bestings make me laugh. I love them all <3

Oh, back to Hamelin.

Yeah, follow those kids, Rumple. This is probably the only time saying that wouldn’t be super duper creepy.

Gee, that piper on the other side of the fire looks a bit familiar...

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, IT'S PETER FUCKING PAN D:

Pan really IS a little shit, though, isn't he? Hahaha. Such absolutely horrible things to say to your own kid. WORST PARENT ON THE SHOW. And there's a LOT of competition for that spot, let me tell you.

NM, I don't need to tell you. You all already know XD

"After all, being abandoned is what you're good at, isn't it?" JFC, dude, chill out or something. This isn't the Cruelty Olympics up in here. I'd know if it was. I'd be taking part... AND STILL SIDE-EYEING YOUR NASTY ASS.

Just kidding. Love you, boo. Keep being the best little shit this side of the sewage plant.

Hey, thanks a lot whichever one of you is responsible for this one. Now I can't watch this scene without thinking they're out of paper towels D:

Henry: "Sorry. I don't hear anything." Pan: "Interesting." I'll say.

Oh, so the sentries were knocked out by a sleeping spell... that looks exactly like a puff of poppy dust. Busy year in the effects department?

Pan: "Now, now, Felix. Where's your sense of adventure?" See, that's why I still love Pan, even though he's a complete piece of shit. He's a fun piece of shit. He really gets into his dastardly and deviant behavior.

JFC KNOCK IT OUT WITH THE LANTERNS NOW. I can only have so many orgas- OH, HI GUYS.

The way Colin pops those consonants on the word "important" XD I fucking love this man. Why is he so much the way he is?!

Hook: "He got it from his mother." OH GOD, BABY. Somebody hold me. I can't handle the look on his face after he says that. Oh shit. I've revealed feelings. RUN AWAY.

"Yes, because pre-teen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta." Never change, Regina. You’re my boo and you always will be <3

This scene is really pretty, though. I love the soft yellow glow coming out of the coconut and the stars across the ceiling. Pretty <3

THEY'RE STILL OUT OF PAPER TOWELS. Goddammit, you guys.

Wow. That was a powerful gust of magic. I wonder who could've been responsible for that?

Pan: "We have a guest!" Ummm... Hate to break it to you, but your party literally dropped dead asleep about 2 seconds ago, so nobody's listening XD

Pan: "Who could it be?" I WONDER.

Slick move there, Neal. I might just start to like you again, after all. Hope you don't die in the second half of the season or anything...

Awww. The sad thing is, the viewer knows Rumple actually isn't here to murder Henry, but poor Rumple - Neal doesn't know that :/

I actually hate storylines like this. I'd rather be kept in the dark. It's so frustrating when you know shit that the characters don't know. Key reason why I'm not into S1 very much, actually. But you didn't hear that from me. Remember: I only dislike it 'cos there's no pirates ;)

Neal: "It's Neal!" Wow. Getting really loud there, Bae- sorry, Neal. Oops.

Ahhhhh, Peter Pan, you little shit. Causing more trouble.

Neal: "We're safer without you." Ummm... Are you, though? Are you really?

"Nothing is going to happen to you. Not while I'm here." Oh, Mary Margaret. About that... Heh. Heh heh. Hmm.

Hey, look guys. It's Neal, and he's found the heroes' campsite!

...and now he's been caught by Pan. I hate to say I told you so, Neal, and I hate to say Rumple told you so, as well, but...

LITERALLY EVERYONE TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOT.

Ahahahaha, "Never break in somewhere unless you know the way out." Peter Pan taught him that. Nice one, show. I forgot about that detail.

"I'll remember that for next time." Ummm... Wait. What.

Dammit show. You giveth and you taketh away.

Poor Jared, hahaha. He spends most of this episode being fireman carried by various people. Acting is so glamorous.

Ooooh, a good old-fashioned manhandling right here. Love it.

It still bothers me that Rumple's entire reason for living is Bae. I mean, having (Rumple!)Belle literally saying that now that Neal's alive, Rumple has a reason for living again... It just makes me feel bad about that ship?

:/

JFC WOULD SOMEONE GO TO THE STORE AND BUY MORE PAPER TOWELS FOR THESE BOYS?!?!

NOW HENRY HAS THE EMPTY PAPER TOWEL ROLLS

What are they even paying you people for?!

Wait. I'm not getting paid. Why are you guys getting paid if I'm not getting paid? Dammit, I quit.

PEW PEW PEW PEEEEEEEEEEW

[coalitiongirl]

ive been watching your scenes to rewatch and ive been crying at literally all of them. out of curoisity, what are your favourite ouat scenes? either sq or general? also side note, i love your latest fic, such an interesting premise. i get so scared every time someone says an order and emmas forced to comply, that scene with the trolls had me on edge. and the fact that cora must suspect something about emma now - im so scared but excited ahah :D have a nice day :)

OH I super dropped the ball on those omg, i have so many others!! but i haven’t been able to rewatch in a long time, it hard 😩

of course i LOVE almost every swan queen scene!! it’s hard for me to pick favorites because nearly every one pings something else inside me omfg. I don’t think there’s a single sq scene I couldn’t write an essay about WHOOPS. so lemme try to answer this with just some of my favorite non-sq scenes 😅

Emma in True North: hoo boy, this is probably in my scenes to rewatch but that scene on the road, MAN. there’s so much careful buildup with emma’s abandonment issues and how much she sees herself in nick and ava. and they have a chance she never does and dammit, she fights for them!! she fights for two kids just like her and they get their moment and jmo turns that realization into agony with sheer artistry in emma’s FACE in their final moment. god.

Regina in We Are Both: this was the episode that sold me on Regina! tbh i’d marathoned s1 as soon as they announced mulan was going to be in s2 so i hadn’t been focusing much on thinking before that?? and then suddenly there’s Regina, in all her rich and layered stories, and i fell hARD. the whole narrative of the episode- Regina resisting parental abuse until she becomes what she’s always feared to be free!! and that translating into her saying ‘no, this isn’t going to continue to the next generation. even if i lose the only thing that matters to me.’ do u ever stan!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE VERY WELL. END ME.

Emma in Firebird: listen. never follow ur idols to ur next fandom or you’ll suddenly realize they actually hate women and then get ‘’’muted’’’ for ‘’’yelling at her too much’’’ but jane espenson did a GOOD with the flashbacks in this one (present day still literal and figurative hell tho!!). The concept of Emma’s jacket as armor isn’t an original one, but the execution was honestly stellar. Emma forging this connection with an older hardened woman who can’t let go of the past either!! emma destroyed and remade into the lady we met on her twenty-eighth birthday. GOD. SHE FINDS HER DAUGHTER. and i gotta say, the vulnerable-tearful-young thing jmo was doing w emma in s5 didn’t work for me in terms of what present day was trying to convey, but it’s a perfect fit for that flashback, i WEPT.

Regina in Quite A Common Fairy: Lana OWNS the cave scene with Tink, god. The depth and breadth of emoTION. The episode and the narrative itself builds it up from episode one! because this regina on the road to redemption but finally giving us a glimpse into the emotional and mental state she was in as the young queen- she has all this rage and she’s SUSTAINED by it, it’s her only real truth and constant and she’s terrified of what might happen if she lets it go for even an instant and chooses hope instead. (Lana’s voice when Regina says she’s afraid that without rage she might just ‘—float away’ is something that has stayed with me for a long, long time.) REGINA PULLING OUT HER HEART TO MAKE A POINT. far from the last time she will, but how affecting!! god!!

Emma and Snow in S1: There are a few moments i’m thinking of (and i’m literally writing this on the treadmill so pls forgive the lack of episode names) and all of them are so stellar, god. The moment when Snow finds Emma living out of her car early on. Snow and Emma sitting at the table at the loft holding hands. Emma lying down next to a crying Snow. Snow yelling at Emma for being so selfish when she tries running off with Henry?? EMMA SHOWING UP AT MARY MARGARET’S DOOR SEARCHING FOR A ~PERSON~ AND MARY MARGARET SILENTLY LETTING HER IN. Snow and Emma work best in S1 in the silences and the fights, where they’re allowed to just care and be family, and I treasure each of those moments as much as they do.

Regina and Zelena in the Kansas: There’s a lot of effort put into this dynamic right near what seemed like the end, playing with how exactly Zelena perceives her happy ending to go- and then Regina strikes it all down by being different, by changing, by being someone Zelena hadn’t believed either of them capable of. And then Regina goes to Zelena’s cell and offers her!! sisterhood!! my god. i instantly fell in love with the dynamic in that moment and i’m forever pressed that the ‘it’s nice to have family in town’ line was cut. because you can tell that regina craves family and craves unmaking this second monster of her mother’s and zelena was going to TAKE that second chance and hey! this seems the perfect time to go off-message and

Belle in Family Business and Heroes and Villains: imma be honest, i like belle just fine in the early seasons but i have zero interest in rumbelle, which means a lot of fast-forwarding through her scenes. But these two scenes were ENCHANTING. Mirror Belle preying on Belle with the truth that she’s afraid to face! Emilie does such a fantastic job conveying so much cruelty in that scene, I was gaping and enthralled and hoping shattered sight was going to work exactly like that (and tbh props to ginny for doing a hella creepy snow at the start of Shattered Sight). And that town line scene!!! What a stunning, evocative scene. Belle reclaiming agency and taking action in such a 100% cold-blooded but necessary way!! that’s my ravenclaw babe!!!

Mulan and Aurora: I was young, and I Believed, and I Believed for a very long time. I am appalled at my naïveté too, don’t worry.

Regina in Enter the Dragon: LOOK it’s not about the leather but it’s a lil about the leather!!! I really appreciate both Regina in the past and present in this one and also how gay it is, and I’m most charmed by lil evil pep talking nugget Regina who just wants you to be the very best villain you can be! It’s such an artful melding of the exuberance of young!Regina and the delight in chaos of eq!Regina and i, for one, am a fan.

Emma (and Henry) in The Stranger/An Apple Red as Blood: my gOD. Okay I think one of the first times I cried while watching this show was in Emma’s desperate, hysterical denial to August about the curse. She’s so clearly hit rock bottom and she’s TERRIFIED of believing and it’s breaking her. SHE DIDNT ASK TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES HAPPINESS. SHE DOESNT WANT IT. THAT IS CRAP!!!! i love her!! i love emma swan!!! i do!!!!! and then moving into the end of the next episode when she tells henry she’s leaving and just!! ‘henry! life isn’t a story!’ man this show had some incredible early work. sigh. emma kneeling in front of henry begging him to listen! my god.

Regina in the Cricket Game: so i’m leaving out all my fave sq moments which severely limits the number of regina and emma scenes i can talk about here but the flashbacks in this one SURE ARE SOMETHING. regina has hit rock bottom in this set and you feel it in every moment, in her REGRET THAT I HAVE NOT CAUSED MORE PAIN and frickin stABBING snow and that dark scene with the candle oh god. this is a regina who doesn’t think about looking back anymore but who doesn’t think about looking forward, either, and she’s terrifying. it reminds me a lot of the scene later this season in Welcome to Storybrooke where she takes out snow’s heart and ‘see? i can have everything’ but there are tears sliding down her face. regina in enraged despair is something to behold!!

Henry (and Emma and Regina) in Operation Mongoose: Henry doesn’t often get lengthy times to shine that aren’t about other characters, but he was literally a YA hero in the author’s universe! man! what a kid! and his scenes with bandit Regina are some of my all-time favorites, as is that heartstopping moment when he reaches the top of that tower and flings the door open and Emma KNOWS him. reader, i wept. i wept hard. talk about your earned moments!!!

Emma as Dark Swan: posture! clothing! positioning! voice work! dark swan was a revelation i’m still rightfully bitter about, because she was EVERYTHING in those early episodes. the way she caressed snow’s face in first episode of 5a. the faux-innocent with the calculating eyes on the ship with whats-his-name. every interaction with henry where she was trying to be a PERSON. the way she moved! the way she felt more reptilian than human! i wanted to know everything about her!! (then i did and quit the show lol) honestly some of jmo’s best acting to date, i’m forever in awe.

That Still Small Voice: look, this is an episode about a cricket and it remains one of my favorite quality ouat episodes. Archie sells it best as an adult influenced by his past without quite knowing it, and Archie and Henry make for a really engaging dynamic in here. There is nothing about Archie’s professional behavior that doesn’t make me want to scream but this remains a very, very good episode.

Emma in Sympathy for the De Vil/Lily: okay this is cheating a little because so much of this is also Regina but!! Emma individually shines in this narrative and throughout 4b. From the moment she finds out about what her parents had done, you can watch it slowly draining a part of her?? yes her eyes got redder but there was also this kind of apathy about EVERYTHING. And tbh the Cruella episode is pretty awesome on its own (I love the slow revelation that Cru is the villain, what a stellar execution of a fave trope) but WHEN EMMA KILLS HER. In the exact moment that Cruella says ‘heroes don’t kill’. that’s what pushes emma over the edge!! and then emma ready to kill again the next episode because she feels like she’s sliding into an abyss, i couldn’t BREATHE. emma is incredible when the narrative lets her be angry, and i wanted So Much More. Speaking of which, Emma getting angrier and angrier and almost losing it in The Snow Queen was more of that anger!! i am HUNGRY for it.

Regina and Snow in The Evil Queen: This episode is messy af but damn did my heart skip a beat when a hooded hero saves Regina and tears off her hood and it’s SNOW. This episode does so much of what makes Snow/Regina so fascinating and frustrating, both in the present and the past. Their interactions in the woods moved me! changed me! and Regina had already crossed the point of no return but oh man, oh man, the way they’d almost gotten somewhere for a minute there.

Regina and Henry in Save Henry: A classic, a work of art, and I’ve said so much about it in the past that I’m exhausted just thinking about expressing it all again now. But what a STORY of an evil queen who falls in love with a little boy. What a narrative!! The promo pictures from this episode came out when I was sitting in the hospital for a checkup while I was expecting my daughter, and I was tearing up and the nurses thought it was about the ultrasound. I’M NOT PROUD. This is a love story!!! And it culminates again in A Curious Thing, by the way, which put another ten years on my life, an Epic !

Emma and Henry in New York City Serenade: boy was this a journey, but I was absolutely spellbound omg. This was a love song to a fantasy but it’s a fantasy that never unmakes Emma– she’s afraid of commitment and happiness and everything permanent in her life that isn’t Henry, but she’s still going to take that leap despite herself. It’s a wonderful character study that captures Emma’s essence in a new world, with a new past.

Snow in The Miller’s Daughter: Snow is at her best when the show isn’t painting her with rose-colored glasses and we get to see her darker side, and I don’t think she ever gets quite as dark in the first three seasons as she is when she’s standing there, smiling earnestly at Regina as she tells her that the key to Cora loving Regina is in the poisoned heart she holds. My god. It’s so incredibly cold-blooded and vile, and it’s absolutely the kind of manipulative pragmatism that suits Snow best. I am enthralled and horrified.

Neal and Emma and Henry and Gold in Manhattan: This is one of those really cool scenes where even though I don’t particularly care for half the characters within it, everyone acted the hell out of it and it’s so GOOD. There’s so much tension and you’re holding your breath through the squabbling, and then Henry shows up and you KNOW. You know what’s going to happen and you’re terrified for Emma and it’s so visceral, right up until the instant when Neal demands Henry’s age and Henry shouts ELEVEN and my god, my god. What a reveal. What a scene.

There are more!! so many scenes and moments i’ve loved over the years. Emma and young!Lily! Snowing in Snow Falls! Anna of Arendale!! Snow and Emma in Lost Girl!! Ruby in Red Handed! The David/Emma dragon fight in A Land Without Magic! Regina tearing out that heart in The Doctor and meeting Daniel again?? Regina and her father in hell. all of Hat Trick. i think twenty is a good place to stop, but hoo boy, when this show was good, it was GOOD. alas.

[serenagaywaterford]

1) Okay, I'm late (bc rl sucks), but I'm back and I'll gradually address everything. "Also do not feel any pressure to respond to my multiple essays! I understand completely!"The same goes to you, bc I feel like I'm bothering you too much. That being said, I truly enjoy talking to you. Not only you offer fresh/perceptive insights into the characters' minds (which made me a. reconsider scenes and motives, b. wanna rewatch S1 --some scenes you're commenting on are SO fuzzy in my head-- mind you,

2) 2) I’m already rereading the book), but you also provide such hilarious, sarcastic lines (some of them are absolute killers).

3) personalities” I know you have an inkling of who’s who. :D But damn, that ‘lesbianing’ bit had me giggling. Kudos, fellow anon. Since we’re on the subject, I have another question about your fic (if you don’t mind): is it post s2 or s1/s2 canon divergent? b) “Add horrid fangirls to that and it’s a big ass no lol.” Ugh. Fandom smh manages to sour my opinion of characters/ships/series I personally like. Especially when fans start pestering the creators to cater to their whims or harass actors

4) or start ship wars. Double ugh. c) “So, that’s the Mass Effect connection!” Two more similarities: i. Mass Effect’s Miranda Lawson got a lot of fandom hate back then (even though she was a famous character), just like Serena. ii. She has a back-and-forth, bickering (hateful but not THAT complex) relationship with another female character. d) “I have seen Westworld! Well, okay, just the first season. I got too tired/confused to get past the 2nd season premiere.” Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have

5) assumed. Believe me when I say it’s a good thing you stopped watching when you did. The overall quality of the series remained pretty much the same (e.g. acting, cinematography, direction), but, oh boy, some new plot twists (which I usually like) are SO OVER THE TOP in order to impress (?) the audience. It’s reached a point where some characters are unrecognizable, bc they’re servants to the plot. Maeve has a lot bigger arc in S2 and Newton is thriving (imo, S2!Maeve >> S1!Maeve), but so is

6) Strahovski/Serena. :D e) “don’t go around bitching at people who say shitty things or stuff I don’t agree with, or blocking anybody who doesn’t like her."Ah, another thing we have in common. There were times I’ve been blocked by fandom people (with beautiful edits) that I NEVER interacted with (except for maybe reblogging from each other). That’s not me complaining. Like I said, each to their own.I just find this phenomenon funny at times. Story time. Once, an out of nowhere anon (whose msg I

7) didn’t publish, bc drama is SO not my thing) said they’d block me, bc of an uploaded gifset for a canon pairing (which wasn’t to their taste apparently) that was tagged as #[series]edit (although the ship!portmanteau was right there, too, so that people could easily block it). I remember being like: "Okay. Good for you, anon!” LOL. f) “I dunno if you see spoilers but there’s one about them.) She needs therapy so much more than a cutesy feelgood storyline.” I did NOT actually, but feel free to8) enlighten me.

——–

I am sort of back! (RL does get in the way of incredibly lengthy essays about fictional TV shows!) NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY!! I am just so happy I get to read all these excellent thoughts, analyses, and feelings you have! (and that we clearly share lol, including the sheer amusement of your writing!). I really want to write more at the mo but my hands are doing that weird old lady thing where you can see the veins popping out and it makes me v uncomfortable to look at. Especially since I have little baby hands. I hate it.

Ok, I’m now kneeling on the floor and the computer is on the kitchen island. This is better. I cannot see the top of my hands. 

SO. Where was I? OW. my kneeeessss. This is a bad idea.

I’m so lost. Fic question. right. It’s post-S2. Like… quite post-S2. I didn’t even deal with HOW or WHY June is back in the Waterford’s house tbh cos I can’t be bothered to sort that out. (Thanks, show.) So, it just assumes that for some reason, she’s back. Which, if the BTS pics/video is to be believed, that’s the case anyway. 

Fangirls (and boys ofc) ruin so much for me. Even if I like the same thing initially. Ugh. Then sometimes they’ll annoy me so much that I end up liking the complete opposite of what they like. Dunno why.

No worries about Westworld! It’s a reasonable assumption! Please don’t apologise, my friend. I do agree that Thandie was very good in S1. IIRC, her character was my fav (other than Clementine lol). Yvonne S2 was just next level shit to me. Like, what you’re saying makes me wanna give S2 WW another shot but when shows get overcomplicated, they’re not much fun anymore when I’m like “BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING LOL”. 

>> “There were times I’ve been blocked by fandom people (with beautiful edits) that I NEVER interacted with (except for maybe reblogging from each other)”

EXACT SAME. It was actually in THT fandom most recently lol. Like, I reblogged one of their pretty edits once. Ever. I didn’t even say anything snarky or bitchy or rude in tags. I don’t think I added any commentary at all. Next thing I know? BLOCKED. Never interacted with them in any way whatsoever. (Typical N/J fangirl lol.) It’s the strangest behaviour and it’s that kind of thing that sours me towards sects of fangirls, and sometimes even the characters they like. Maybe that’s just petty but I think it actually just reinforces pre-existing feelings I had towards the character or pairing.) The only blogs I block are ones that are gross, RP, or spam. (RP blogs is a long history of them stealing and spamming and adding awful commentary to my posts way back in the day, so I just… block em. lol.)

>> “they’d block me, bc of an uploaded gifset for a canon pairing (which wasn’t to their taste apparently) that was tagged as #[series]edit (although the ship!portmanteau was right there, too, so that people could easily block it). I remember being like: “Okay. Good for you, anon!” LOL.”

Oh. My… WHAT. There’s a very odd sense of entitlement here that seems so peculiar to me. Like, that’s what the blacklisting feature is for? I’ve put every version of my most despised pairings, characters, etc. and it works? Very rarely does it miss on. I guess we’re just dramaphobic, mature old fandom farts. Like, “Kids, let me sit you down and tell you about this site before you could block things. Before even XKit was invented…” Not to mention every other website ever lol.

HOLY GROSS… I just got up and a centipede fell off me!! WHYYYYYY. THIS IS WHY I DON’T SIT ON THE FLOOR. (we live near the beach/woods so we get lots of bugs no matter how clean we are…) no more painful kneeling for me i guess…

OKAY. Spoilers. It’s not much but other than the June in Martha costume (which was shown in the teaser Superbowl trailer anyway by now)… there were set pics of Emily, Sylvia, Nicole, and Luke all happy and smiling. IIRC. I can’t find the post anymore. So it may not have been in character. But I dunno… it all seems… too easy? Like, I’m glad Emily is safe but omg. She’d better not be all hunky dory “I stabbed a lady and threw her down the stairs, murdered another, and ran a dude over with a stolen car, but now I’m Canada, I’m all healed!” (Not including the heart attack/crotch kicking here cos that was fair play to Emily. She deserved that.) Like, honestly, as much part of me was like YESSSS at all of those, still… that’s grievous bodily harm with intent to kill, flat out murder, and vehicular manslaughter. For Emily to do those things, you don’t do those crimes without being really broken and damaged. And… yeah. That doesn’t magically disappear when you hop over a border.

[piketrickfeet]

the blacklist 1x01 - pilot

okay so disclaimers: 

i have seen up to 4x07, but i wanted to rewatch during the hiatus and catch up. based on how long this TOOK ME GOOD LORD i will probably not catch up by the time tbl comes out. i have not watched redemption so if anything happens in that that answers questions in these posts, well then, feel free to tell me i honestly don’t care

these are just My Opinions.  please do not come in to my ask box or replies telling me i’m wrong or whatever. if i ask a question, feel free to answer, but please don’t try to come at my with some bullshit about how my opinions on certain characters are terrible.  i am well aware that my trash feelings about garbage characters are not well received in this fandom.  feel free to blacklist a certain name if you don’t want to see this lol

i’m terrible at remembering things so if questions are answered later in the seasons, i probably just forgot or wasn’t paying attention lol. feel free to join in discussions or whatever and answer questions or let me know when i get facts wrong

okay here we go

so it just starts right up and honestly i don’t 100% remember what happened to this henchman (i think he dies????) but i do remember that he is a like a key part to the red’s not actually red theory? the red is undercover theory? one of those

“home” raymond please

The Long Shot of the walk into the building like what a great choice a+ director

there’s a split second scene of a woman watching red take off his jacket and everything. like, no one else is looking but she’s watching him and like. honestly, same.

i cackle every time that picture on his wanted poster comes up. like what kind of homeless chic

RESSLER

MY BOY

my handsome man

i love him

okay so pilot episodes man. everything is always like so Wrong lol. like timelines

so 1990 red “defects”

1994 he supposedly shows back up and starts selling information

whatisthetruth.gif

ressler’s line is something like “the info that was sold was traced back to reddington” but like what if he was framed???? just because it could be traced back to him doesn’t mean he was the one to actually sell it? 

The Concierge of Crime - raymond please

i love raymond reddington lol sorry

coopers so dramatic “you have my attention” like calm down

“I speak only with Elizabeth Keen.” 

“who the hell is Elizabeth keen?” R E S S L E R

one of my favorite scenes is when liz and tom wake up lol. she jumps out of bed and she’s so hot omg i’m sweatin

i’m just going to say it.

tom is so attractive holy shit

“Baby, you okay? Do you need help?” you gonna help her brush her teeth thomas, calm down

the terrible wig i can’t deal. i know it was a pilot so they probably had a limited budget but like. we could do so much better than this. why not just let her have her real hair?? i’ll never understand

like the only time i liked k*en2 was early s1 before it all went to shit

that being said i love how they called each other babe like 47 times in ten minutes lol

ressler rolls up and and demands liz come with him and honestly if this were a Soulmate AU that’s the exact moment their worlds would burst in to color lol

when liz comes in to coopers office omg she’s so nervous I LOVE HER SO MUCH

and resslers just WATCHING HER RESSLER STOP YOUR CRUSH IS SHOWING

you’re not subtle

honestly, people praise cooper a lot, but he was kind of an asshole in the beginning

“My colleagues call me ‘sir’.” :((((( why omg

“He thinks I can be easily manipulated.” oh lizzy lol. girl i love you but come on

 this is one of many scenes where she looks really really good lol

FIRST MEETING

i love the mechanics of The Box tbh

HE’S SO HAPPY TO SEE HER

“i think you’re very special”

stop flirting please you’re killing me

“Everything about me is a lie.” honestly that red isn’t actually the real red theory is all i think about.  that and that red has been undercover this whole time theory.   

i don’t think i’ve actually reblogged them though because they’re so long lol

“If anyone can give me a second chance, it’s you.” i’m dead rip me

okay pilot episodes man. they’re always so rough and full of Wrong Information. like when red mentions liz being abandoned by a criminal father?? feel free to chime in with an explanation lol

i love the way liz storms back in to command and puts her finger on the door like what the fuck

tom is so hot i’m dying like i am truly A Bisexual

i always feel weird liking tom as much as i do because it’s not too long now until everything GOES TO SHIT

aww lizzy is so good with kids i love her

PLEASE JUST LET HER BE HAPPY

also this little girl is so cute and i love that she gives liz the bracelet

DRAMATIC CAR CRASH SCENE

try to come at me and tell me liz isn’t a good agent. she took down like four guys all on her own

okay ngl i got distracted by a moth flying at me during this scene so i missed a lot but

RESSLER WHITE KNIGHTING AND SHOOTING THAT GUY

AND THEN HE JUMPS IN THE RIVER AFTER THE LITTLE GIRL LIKE A BADASS

HONESTLY WHAT KIND OF POWER COUPLE

the scar makes another appearance! honestly they put so much emphasis on it and it really doesn’t play a role anymore???

“I was 14.” I HATE PILOT EPISODES LOL

red, you’re not subtle

his stare is so intense like how

i love the entire scene where red is in the command center telling them how like 99% of their information is wrong

i love him

my criminal dad

RAYMOND PLEASE

i love that liz is the one to solve it

SHE FIGURES IT OUT

BECAUSE SHE’S A PROFILER

REMEMBER THAT @nbcblacklist OR DID YOU FORGET????

and raymond looks so proud :333

though liz’s lip color is nagl :/

when red asks for the hotel (or rather demands it) like one) raymond please

but also

liz is so smitten she like can’t stop smiling lol

“live it up, pal” stop flirting, agent ressler

“don’t go too far” ressler @ liz like please be less subtle

liz was so happy when she came home and there were BALLOONS AND CHAMPAGNE AND HAPPY 

and then it was ruined lakdlkgjiaejoad

okay Opinion Time

tom should have died. i love tom but honestly they should have stuck with their original plan lol, because he is a mess/disaster

zamani putting red on blast “He was always so obsessed with you”

the stalk in to red’s hotel room because she’s so mad omg i’m aroused 

when she breaks the lamp omg i’m aroused

when she stabs red with the pen omg he’s aroused

the entire scene after the hotel scene where she’s just sitting there staring in to space and trying to clean

honestly that hurts me

when red runs lol like honestly ressler you should have known

i hate fake car rides like ELIZABETH KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD

SHE’S WONDERFUL SHE FIGURED OUT THE PLAN!!!!!

the back and forth parallels between ressler running after red and liz looking for the little girl like honestly

how about we don’t

liz willing to wait with the little girl even if it means she blows up

what kind of icon

her eyes are hella blue in this scene

“We’re gonna make a great team” hearteyes

“LEt’s do it again.” RAYMOND YOU’RE A TROLL

blargh another scene of sad liz stop this

did they ever explain the mark on the top of the box????

megan was so good in this scene with her hands shaking and shit like iconic tbh

THE FINAL SCENE WHERE THE LIGHT HITS HIS FACE WHY THIS