#it’s not a story

[mia-faith]

NAMIA ELISE HAYNES:

Born: August 24th, 1995.

Family:

Mother: Nadia Janise Jefferson-Haynes.

Father: Hassan Mateem Haynes.

Brother: Jordan Hassan Haynes.

Grandparents: Samuel & Namaea Jefferson.

Friends: Deja Jones and Marie Clemons

History:

Born and raised in Detroit MI until her mom got sick at 10.

Started swimming to cope with her mom’s illness, and Jordan got heavy into basketball for the same reason.

Her family relocated to Cali because her grandparents chose to retire there.

Mom died at 12, from breast cancer.

Her mom was diagnosed the year before, completed chemo, went into remission, and the cancer back the next year stronger and more aggressive than before.

Her mom left her and Jordan insurance money payouts at 18, 22, 25.

Her father checked out mentally after her moms passing, unable to raise her and her brother, let alone really function himself.

Lived with her grandparents for all of high school.

Got boobs early and had to fight not just women, but a few guys too, for saying and doing inappropriate things to her.

Met her first love Treyvon Little at 15.

Lost her virginity a year later.

He cheated on her throughout most of their relationship, causing some really unstable moments. She cheated back, with one of his friends, and instead of break up, they worked their way through it.

Graduated from high school with honors and that same boyfriend.

He lost his parents in a car accident their freshman year of college and dropped out shortly after that. She supported him through that time, and out of that they created a trauma bond with each other.

She inherited money from her mom’s passing, but kept it a secret, because she wasn’t sure what do with it at first.

Decided to invest, and save it while she went to school. Only considering it "emergency money," until she figured out how to invest it properly.

Stayed on campus the first 2 years of college.

Moved in with Treyvon at 20 just for that to go left as soon as it started. They thought they were pregnant. They lost the baby. He found out about the money, and thought because she had it, he would have access to it too, and when that didn’t happen, he got spiteful.

She then dropped out of school much to her grandparents dismay, to get a retail job, when Treyvon, stopped helping pay the bills in their apartment. She tried to put him out, but he would cry and say he didn’t have anywhere else to go. So she let him stay.

She supported the apartment mostly by herself. He did petty crimes and then got a solid job working in a factory. He still refused to help her with bills and things, leaving her to find a better job at a testing facility when their rent increased the next year.

Things got even worse when she found she was pregnant again at 22. The couple separated after a argument about the baby having down syndrome and he confirmed to Namia that he’d been cheating on for the past 2 years. And wasn’t going to help her with her “deformed baby.”

That was her last straw, and she finally put him out.

He moved in with the girl he was cheating with. Namia had a miscarriage, in her 5th month. Her son lived for 3 minutes. Treyvon called to tell her he was “glad the baby died,” and that he and the girl were getting married.

The year after they were married, they had a baby girl and now make YouTube videos citing their happiness even though every now and again, he still hits Namia up to see “if the door is still open.” 🙄

Jordan's mess:

After that she got wrapped up in her job, she bought her house, and the announcement of her little brother having a baby with his high school girlfriend, Jewel came.

He was supposed to pay for school and other things he needed for the baby, with his portion of his mom's inheritance money, but instead he spent it gambling on dice games and lost it all to a local gang, then gained serious debts, trying to get it back.

He got jumped into the gang to work his debts off, and neglected to tell Namia.

The night of his son's birth, he was supposed to be making a drop for them. He missed it, and the gang took his absence as a sign of betrayal.

As a retaliation method, they shot up his grandparents house, and Jordan, Jewel, and JJ all moved over to Namia's house where she made Jordan tell her all about his dealings and what he'd gotten himself into.

She then made Jordan contact the leader of the gang, negotiate his release, and on some risky shit, she took him the money, and made sure Jordan would be free from them in the future.

Assad, the gang leader, thought she was cute, a little crazy, but down, so he pursued her after. He also kept his members away from Jordan, per her request. And for the next 6 months they had a steamy fling. He got caught driving recklessly and they found drugs in his vehicle. Got charged with 30 years after some lower level members rolled on him.

They still talk from time to time because he keeps his ear to the streets for her, about Jordan.

Some members were jealous that he was able to get out without too many consequences. And we’re plotting to kill him a few weeks after Assad got arrested.

Namia, alerted by Assad, had a few friends in the sports industry from high school, and asked them for help getting Jordan into overseas basketball, they gave her the contact for a manager and she negotiated him a 4 year deal playing for a pretty popular team in Montenegro.

Jordan was pissed because he didn’t want to leave his family behind. But Namia put her foot down and they both left a week later, to get him situated and settled.

Tattoos:

Likes and Hobbies:

Swimming. She competed a little in high school. And got her first job as a summer lifeguard at a local hotel.

Singing. Went to church ever Sunday with her granny and was in the choir for years.

Gardening with her grandfather.

Cooking with her grandmother.

Marathon cleaning.

Working out.

Dancing.

Hiking.

Shopping.

Any museum: Art, Science, History, etc…

Building lego buildings her nephew.

Scars/ Birthmarks:

Top of left knee from stumbling through the woods behind her grandparents house after learning about her moms passing.

Birthmark on the underside of her right boob.

Long mark along her right forearm from the first and only physical fight her and Treyvon got into. She put him out after.

Allergies:

Tree nuts.

Sesame, and sesame oil.

Penicillin.

Love languages:

Acts of service.

Quality time.

Physical touch.

Positives/Negatives:

Positives:

Compassionate, caring, nice, helpful, empathetic, humble, generous, polite, resourceful, ambitious, forgiving, organized.

Negatives:

Head strong, candid, assertive, confrontational, obsessive, perfectionist, reckless, stubborn, vain, possessive.

Twins(?):

[yeepof]

I understand that tall men are our POV characters, but surely being like a foot taller than everyone around them would have some occasional consequences

[sherlocking-out-loud]

I haven't seen this circulating here on Tumblr, so I decided to make my own post.

last saturday, in Porto, there was a pride parade going down the street and this old man was standing there, by his front door, waving the portuguese flag. most people on the parade probably thought the same: old person waving the national flag? he's probably protesting against the parade, he's a nationalist of some sort.

then the old man called for that person to come near him. the whole parade stopped. everyone just.. stopped moving. they didn't know what to expect, and most expected the worst. and that person decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and approached the old man. and then... they traded flags, he hugged the person and then he waved the pride flag happily. everyone cheered him.

such a wholesome moment. 🥹❤️🌈

(edited to add the link to the video, in case the twitter post gets deleted or smth)

[write-on-world]

[fordp1nes]

funniest shit is going down on discord rn

[thestuffedalligator]

“Are you the witch who turned eleven princes into swans?”

The old woman stared at the figure on the front step of her cottage and considered her options. It was the kind of question usually backed up by a mob with meaningful torches, and the kind of question she tried to avoid.

Coming from a single dusty, tired housewife, it should’ve held no terrors.

“You a cop?”

The housewife twisted the hem of her apron. “No,” she muttered. “I’m a swan.”

A raven croaked somewhere in the woods. Wind whispered in the autumn leaves.

Then: “I think I can guess,” the old woman said slowly. “Husband stole your swan skin and forced you to marry him?”

A nod.

“And you can’t turn back into a swan until you find your skin again.”

A nod.

“But I reckon he’s hidden it, or burned it, or keeps it locked up so you can’t touch it.”

A tiny, miserable nod.

“And then you hear that old Granny Rothbart who lives out in the woods is really a batty old witch whose father taught her how to turn princes into swans,” the old woman sighed. “And you think, ‘Hey, stuff the old skin, I can just turn into a swan again this way.’

“But even if that was true – which I haven’t said if it is or if it isn’t – I’d say that I can only do it to make people miserable. I’m an awful person. I can’t do it out of the goodness of my heart. I have no goodness. I can’t use magic to make you feel better. I only wish I could.”

Another pause. “If I was a witch,” she added.

The housewife chewed the inside of her cheek. Then she drew herself up and, for the first time, looked the old woman in the eyes.

“Can you do it to make my husband miserable?”

The old woman considered her options. Then she pulled the wand out from the umbrella stand by the door. It was long, and silver, and a tiny glass swan with open wings stood perched on the tip.

“I can work with that,” said the witch.

[inbabylontheywept]

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

[puppyeared]

filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^

[jetra4ivor]

lol. I am living for the comments under the official trailer video.

[vasira96]

it's always "immortals always lose the ones they love!" and never "this family has had this incredible, powerful, loving figure present through generations of their lineage, all because they are descended from someone the immortal loved long ago" and i think that's a shame!!

[bibbityboppidi]

Buckle up children, cause I have a short story.

It just happened this week. It all started with some guy. This person placed in order for a new Bible. Nothing out of the ordinary. But when they get the package, they realize that this was not the Bible they ordered from Amazon. Oh no, it’s this.

Now once this picture is posted, everyone starts explaining what the book actually is, what Gravity Falls is and giving recommendations in overall they’re taking it really well .

Now this isn’t the funny part. Sure, getting the complete opposite of the Bible is one thing but then this happens…

 you couldn’t write better material than this. It’s been verified to be authentic story. The entire Gravity Falls Sub Reddit has gone wild over this.

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Some spins on the "mostly male team with a token woman" trope:

The woman is trans and stayed in her old circle of bros even after transition

The woman is the only one in her circle of "girls" who didn't turn out to be a trans man

[s-aint-elmo]

pass it on!

(ID in alt text)

[roseworth]

i think theres this idea in the general public that the "best" fanfic gets turned into real books like 50 shades of grey. but the truth is that the best fanfic can never be published as an actual book because its intricately woven into the canon material so its inseparable even if you change the names

[thatboreddrake]

So y’all know the classic edge trope of “my blade cannot be sheathed until it has tasted blood”? What if a magic sword that has that requirement, except it’s sort of inverted. A sword that, instead of being inhabited by an evil spirit which once awakened cannot be lulled back to sleep except by blood sacrifice, was inhabited by a benevolent spirit who would not allow the sword to be drawn unless bloodshed were the only possible solution. A sword whose power could never be misused because it would only allow itself to be used in situations where it was justified. What about a Paladin who spends their entire journey fighting with a sheathed sword, incapacitating but never killing or maiming. The party believes that the Paladin has taken an oath of no killing, until they face the big villain. And it is in that moment, and that moment alone, that the sword will allow itself to be drawn.

Idk, this image set my mindwheels a-turning.

But do y’all see the vision?