#it’s not Perfect but it’s a good fuckjng show!!!!

[bobtheacorn]

The thing that happened to Steven Universe is happening to Bluey and I hate that I’m living to see it

[the-owl-tree]

now im curious. what are your favorite and least favorite g4 episodes, and in a similar vein, your favorite and least favorite g4 characters

i won’t elaborate on all of them because it’s just like. way too much lol there’s so many episodes in characters but LET’S GO

favorite characters: TWILIEEE, I like all of the mane 6 but she’s my girlie, the royal sisters, trixie, maud, sunset, starlight as a villain (she should’ve stayed a bad guy she’s so FUN! a villain who’s power is her words)

least favorite: neighsay, star swirl (the pillars are all just boring as hell honestly), the wonderbolts (seriously? why do they all suck?), “reformed” starlight, maud’s Sheldon cooper boring boyfriend, daring do (i don’t care for the implications of her character), discord (sort of? in canon, because i adore him conceptually and also occasionally. he’s so fun when he’s not awful

not a strong attachment but yona is also really cute, i just think her design is ridiculously adorable and also love her va’s delivery. very funny

For episodes, there’s quite a few but I’ll try and limit myself per season! There’s are ones that I just find the most comfort and enjoyment out of, I like other episodes but these are what really stand out.

Favorite episodes:

season one: ticket master, look before you sleep, winter wrap up, suited for success (a fantastic episode that really made mlp stand out!), and best night ever

season two: return of harmony & canterlot wedding, lesson zero, hearth’s warming eve, hurricane fluttershy,

season three: sleepless in ponyville, wonderbolt academy, magical mystery cure

season four: pinkie pride, it ain’t easy being breezies (ty for a fluttershy episode that breaks away from the usual plot), maud pie, twilight’s kingdom

season five: the cutie map (yay villain starlight!), castle sweet castle, make new friends but keep discord, canterlot boutique, crusaders of the lost mark

season six: a hearth’s warming tale (minus the shaky introduction, the songs are soooo so good), the times they are a changeling, to where and back again (I know I complain about the treatment of Chryssie and those ugly Changeling designs but it’s a solid shakeup from the status quo and sells me more on Starlight as a character)

season seven: parental glideance, discordant harmony, perfect pear, it isn’t the mane thing about you

season eight: horse play, sounds of silence (i just like the kirin’s designs lol)

season nine: she’s all yak, between dark and dawn, the last problem

Least favorite episodes vary between i don’t like this for personal reasons and I don’t like this for obvious reasons:

season one: bridle gossip, over a barrel,

season two: a friend in deed, putting your hood down, dragon quest,

season three: none i really hate? more neutral or positive feeling tbh

season four: three’s a crowd, trade ya

season five: slice of life (it’s just a bit too much, even for a guilty pleasure episode), party pooped, amending fences, brotherhood social, what about discord,

season six: newbie dash (this one is just plain mean), spice up your life (so bad it’s good. rarity is wildly out of character, the main antagonist is a straw man, and so on. kind of in a disbelief at how much this episode doesn’t work lol), stranger than fanfic and honestly every daring do episode, every little thing she does (not selling me on that redemption pony show!)

season seven: flurry of emotions, hard to say anything and really any fucking sugar belle/Big Mac episode, a royal problem (IT SHOULDVE BEEN TWIIILLGFIITHTHR FOAMING AT THE MOUTH THEY TOOK HER FUCKJNG EOISODE), fame and misfortune (“we’re REAL ponies” says the purple horse written by grown adults), once upon a zeppelin (far too mean of an episode for me), shadow play (for the crime of being boring)

season eight: school daze and school raze, fake it til you make it, the break up break down (hate these types of plots), a matter of principals, a rockhoof and a hard place,

season nine: a trivial pursuit, dragon dropped, a horse shoe-in, the ending of the end

[mycomori]

stop willfully mi interpreting me oh my fucking gOD like i hold my you g most times because i can’t even make an OBJECTIVE observation without it being read as me jist having the incorrect opinion about soemthing bitch it’s not an OPINION. it’s is a fact. just because you know your shit doesn’t mean i don’t know shit too i am your fucking assistant and im tired of being treated like this like i’m fuckin done w this im about to i don’t know what i’m about to do all i can think is to quit but i don’t want to quit i just can’t fucjing deal with thsi shit anymore because i have to listen to all the things i do wrong and always be open to criticism and make changes no matter how small let alone PETTY but i can’t even fucking open m mouth to make a true statement without soem fuckjng attitude over it andni did get cold liek the third fuckin time he repeteste d his misinterpretation of what i was saying and ten third time i said “that’s not what i’m saying, THIS is what i am saying” before i made it very clear in my voice that j was getting irritated with having to repeats myself to clarify and then jjst being ignored lke fuck man i’m so tired of this suit i’m done and in a perfect world i would be able to tell him how o feel but i cang fucjing dot jag because now as raised to know i mean nothing unless wnat j can be used by others for and thag akskng for things makes me a problem having opinions or showing emotion of dangerous and everyone else is allowed to feel things except for me because when i feel something it’s just wrong. like this si why even know i can’t talk to my parents even after our relationship healed because all they ever do is fucking blame ME. as of i am not self cortical enough? like i already blame me. this is me coming tot he conclusion that it’s can’t be JUST ME. not even saying i have no fault! just that i’m not solely at fault! and that i have a right to feel things too! bit i’m not allowed that! i’m not allowed to feel fuck this man i can’t wait to go on my break and wizard high and say fuck you to them and go the fuck home and make good food and get fuckinh drunk fuck it

[caandlelit]

anon asked: one thing I hate is people demonizing hawks for killing twice ignoring the fact that while he is sympathetic he is still working with a group of mass murderers ( a terrorist group) who would be planning on many innocent people dying. if youre lashing out at society supervillain style because you had a bad childhood the main thing youre accomplishing is ensuring a bunch of entirely innocent people also have bad childhoods and I have no sympathy for that sorry but dabi being an abuse victim 1/2 (does not justify his actionis the lov apologism or going he shouldnt face jail time for his actions because of enji is bs and acting like dabi shouldnt go to prison while enji should ( when he is actively atoning for his actions and do not give me the he doesnt deserve redemption bs thats not something you can deserve its whether you choose to go on that road or not enji is just as deserving as everyone else including dabi 2/2) 

i get what you mean anon. hawks is a hero and his job was to infiltrate a group of mass murderers who are the largest threat to the country and he took that job seriously and he is doing that job. while doing that job he actually managed to get close to the villains and was reminded that things arent black and white and saw how and why people like twice feel the way they do. 

 also the only member of the league that has had an abusive childhood is dabi, and even with him nothing is confirmed yet, and we also do not know the extents of that abuse. some people think it was small and redeemable, some people think it was large scale, whatever .

 but most likely it was a good fuckjng amount of abuse and the thing is, with abuse, its not our choice or decision whether the abuser is forgivable. its the decision of the people who were abused. 

 i dont want to say this again ;; 

 the reason people like me have hated endeavor since the start is because he was a perfect example of an abuser we do not want to forgive . but now he is growing as a character and, lmao idk why ur coming at me in my askbox to say this shit because,            ive said it before and ill say it again .

 i have mixed feelings about endeavors redumption arc but i WANT to see it . i want to see him redeem himself and for the todoroki family to forgive him as much as they can . 

 but at the same time i AM uncomfortable with him and i will CONTINUE to be uncomfortable with him because he reminds me of my dad and my uncle, and how sometimes they can be classified as abusive . (i dont think my dad is thAT abusive hes never hit me . but he has done some fucking bullshit) 

 and endeavors entire person reminds me of my dad when hes not being my dad, when hes being 'that dickhead who lives here' . 

 so i am allowed to bitterly shit on endeavor when i want 

 hes a character who is being redeemed but at the same time we r finding out what he is being redeemed for so i will continue to have mixed and negative feelings towards him . i will shit on him bc he is an abuser an i hate his ass. but i will also follow his redumption arc attentively because i see it every two months my dad decides hes done being a dick and threatening my future 

 also ive never said the league shouldnt face jail time what?????? i have no fuckin clue where ur getting this shit

 just because im a league stan doesnt mean i dont know theyve done bs and they deserve to make up for it and the circumstances that led them to being villains matters, it has always mattered and it always will matter. ALSO the bnha universe is not the same as ours and has a lot more room for discrimination . 

 the villains are a relatable group that horikoshi wants us to sympathize with. we sympathize with this group of villains because they are relatable and redeemable and understandable and we fucking GET them bro . 

 as for the hawks stuff, we'll see what happens ive said my bit. hes a favorite character of mine because hes so flawed and weird and has so much more to him . he is not black and white . non of them are . 

 and again, i dont know why youre telling me this because i know already also finally its a SHOW its a MANGA it doesnt FUCKING MATTER

[mrs-hollandstan]

Sugardaddy! Tom fucking you in something expensive he bought you? Cause if your gonna be his slut you need to be classy 💋💕

Yum.

Tom was often on the phone all night, cursing and yelling. You wouldn't step foot in the living room with him like that. But when the silence was deafening on a night like tonight, you couldn't help but want to console him. Creeping into the living room, he's sat in his arm chair, running his finger over the rim of his scotch glass, staring into the fire. He blinks when your hands meet his shoulders,

"Rough call?" He nods,

"Its just about a role. My agent's being a little bitch." You smile and walk around the chair, leaning against the arm, his eyes scanning your body, clad in the authentic, yellow, oriental robe straight from China, the smell of your perfume rolling off of you and calming him. He places his hand at your lower back,

"What're you wearing under this?" You smile, brushing his curls from his eyes,

"A pair of panties... that's about it." He smiles back, licking his lips as you giggle. Nudging your knee, he runs his hand up your thigh, fingers at the hem of your soft cotton panties. This set, Tom knew all too well, far too shocked that you wanted something so cheap when you could have the world,

"Wanna take care of me?" He raises an eyebrow and cocks his head, watching you bite your lip and nod. He smiles before watching you stand, hands disappearing beneath your robe before they reappear, blue cotton panties in them. Tossing them into Tom's lap, you giggle with him, reaching for the button on his jeans. You free his cock, tugging his jeans down just a little before reaching up to undo your robe,

"No... keep it on. Wanna fuck you in something expensive. Make me remember why you're here." Clicking your tongue, you sink into his lap,

"I'm not here just for that daddy. I'm here for this big cock... and that cute little fucking personality." He licks his lips, taking a deep breath as you sink down onto him. His head lulls back against the back of the chair, hand slipping below the robe to hold your hip. He sighs,

"Fuck you're perfect. So fucking warm and tight." You bite down on your lip, feeling him stretch you open. It had been a few days and the feeling was unlike anything else. Like an itch finally being scratched. Draping your wrist over his shoulder, you quickly work your hips against his. Your skin slaps his, pants and moans and whimpers and grunts the only sounds registering in the thick, warm air. He holds you, lip caught between his teeth every few moments. You dig your nails into his shoulder,

"Spank me daddy. Call me your slut." He growls before rearing back and swatting hard at your butt. You whine, eyes squeezed shut as he does it over and over again, whispering the naughtiest things in your ear. You can feel your orgasm coming on hard, heart pounding throughout your body,

"You wanna cum baby? You wanna show daddy how good he is? How good he feels?" You nod, rocking back against him as he starts to thrust up into you. He grunts, kissing your cheekbone while you pant, your head falling back. He watches you, loving the way your robe is starting to untie and the skin under your collarbones are starting to turn pink from lust and the heat. Your breasts are starting to fall from the yellow material. He huffs as you clench around him,

"Daddy... I'm cumming daddy." You whimper. He swats at you again,

"Cum for me sweet thing." You pant, skin glistening in a thin sheen of sweat. Your breath hitches in your throat as you cum around Tom, a moan slipping from his lips at the sight of you.

"That's a good girl." He purrs. You whimper, laying against him and letting him hold you close, fuckjng up into you viciously. He cums with a grunt, coating your walls,

"God you're amazing." He gasps, finishing inside of you. You snuggle into him, sighing in post orgasmic bliss. He strokes your back for just a moment before he reaches down and undoes the ties on your robe,

"Are you okay with sleeping here? In front of the fire?" You nod, letting him push the robe off your body. Leaning back, you let him tug his shirt off before climbing from his lap,

"Lemme go clean up okay?" He nods, watching you walk off before laying blankets and pillows out across the carpet, laying back and looking at the fire again. When you return, you cuddle up into his side, kissing his ribcage,

"You wanna talk about it?" He wraps his arm around you, sighing when you lay your head over his shoulder,

"Its just my agent. M'okay. I just ask him to do stuff and he doesn't." You nod when he shrugs,

"Oh... well... you know I'm here. Always." He nods,

"I know. That's why you're still here. I confide in you and I..." he sighs and rolls his eyes, "I love you." You smile,

"I know. I love you too. You're amazing." He smiles, leaning in to a kiss,

"Best little sugar baby ever." You giggle,

"Best sugar daddy ever." He smiles before you both look to the crackling fire, rubbing over each other's skin. Within a few minutes, you're asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, and he's asleep to the warmth beside him, a calming and welcoming presence only you've ever exuded.

[saints-row-2]

halloween is SHIT its just a black christmas ripoff and laurie shouldnt have been michaels sister :/

im going to assume youre some kind of fucking feral dog that learned to type because i cant imagine a fucking human being genuinely typing this into their computer. i WAS going to let this ask slide as a joke but then you had to follow it up by saying Laurie and Michael shouldnt be siblings which is the kind of fucking stupid shit id expect from a literate dog that has learned to read words but not learnt how to fucking appreciate cinema. of COURSE Halloween took inspiration from Black Christmas all slasher movies take inspiration from each other its an entire genre of taking and refining concepts and ideas from other films but pretending that makes Halloween a bad movie or makes Friday the 13th a bad film because it took heavily from Argento is fucking so laughably shallow a criticism it shows that frankly your only point of criticism is your ability to note originality as if originality is the only point of quality something can have and if youre going to go down that route you might as well say all films are shit because they all use the same kind of camera you fucking clown. Halloween took the ideas of having a house of people pursued by an attacker and gave us what the slasher genre is fucking completely based on: GOOD KILLS, GOOD VILLAINS and the BEST final girl of all time. Black Christmas is incredible but do you see people clamouring after Billy the same way they do Michael? or Laurie? NO. because Halloween gave us iconic characters! it gave us characters we CARED about! and some of the greatest cinematography and moments of fear and suspense seen the horror genre before OR since. Black Christmas is the rough hewn older sibling of Halloween but Halloween is PERFECTION. you cant solely just a film on originality! thats insanity! fucking learn to appreciate film on more than one front you shallow piece of shit! and as for Michael and Laurie being siblings anyone with any fuckjng sense at all can see thats one of the best twists in horror because it retroactively gives Michael a clear goal and adds an enormous amount of depth to his actions!! without the link of being siblings hes just some random guy breaking into houses like any fucking other home invasion movie! i dont want to hear that fucking shit about "i cant relate if hes not my brother its not scary" like that idea is insane. if you cant see the depth the sibling connection gives to Michael's actions and to Laurie's own development then you have the imagination of a fucking labrador and you should get off the internet and fucking go back to thinking someones thrown a ball when they were only pretending to because thats the level of critical analysis youre on for me. fuck you.

[gazebodj]

IT 1990 LOG #2

So we left off at the losers being supportive of each other cuz they all love each other.

“yeah that’s what I wanted you turkey” -bill @ Stanley for being scared lmao

Why does bill sound sick in ever scene? Lololol

WHY IS BILL CRYING OUT OF NO WHERE!?

Richie loves his friends so much??????????

Mikey my main man!!!!!

Yes I went back a lil lolol

Oh god no. Nononono nononono. Stanley no. I don’t want to see this part. Stanley I love u. Please. Oh god. No.

He’s so scared. Im crying.

STANLEY U GET UR ASS BACK DOWN THOSE STAIRS

Don’t get in that fucking shower.

Oh thank God child Stanley is bad. I love his ear holding thing.

BEEP BEEP RICHIE #3

“Richie will you PLeaSE shut up!?” -billy Bob

Beverly showing her ass off

I love them so much. They are all still 100% children at heart

I love Richie in yellow (both 2017 and 1990)

Richie just took Eddie inhaler after he used it and to a pump. Wow they love each other so much and are happy.

Why does Richie know what battery acid tastes like….?

Stanley does NOT want to do this lmao. But he loves his friends so he’s gonna do it for them. 💙💙💙

LET THE FUCK GO OF MY STANLEY

Stanley u need to afford a better shirt cuz them buttons came off in 2 seconds

Stanley’s OUT OF THERE

That’s right Henry, you don’t deserve black/brown hairr

They love holding each other’s hands?

I love you, Richard Tozier 💙 you are such a strong boy??

STANLEY US SO TRAUMATIZED WTF!?!?

“THIS IS BATTERY ACID YOU SLIME!!”

THE FUCKING CG IS SO BAD LMFAO IM CRYING

This isn’t a blood pact, psh u guys a wusses

STANLEY DENIES

Stanley wants to die. He doesn’t wanna LMAO

STANLEY NO. BLEASE GOD NO. IM GONNA KERMIT. TEARS ARE POURING OUT OF MY EYES PUT THE BLOOD BACK IN HIM. PATTY DO SOMETHING

Bill’s like “why the fuck is there a taken grave. Who in the fuck died????”

Bill and Mike have such a great friendship???

SILVERS BACK

I LOVE U RICHARD TOIZER

“Badoobadoo, Derry Derry, god youre so ugly! Oh come on!! NOT THE PARAMOUNT YOU SLIME BALLS!! Where are the people in this city supposed to get their culture!?”

He got so scared from a glass of water lmao. He’s so jumpy.

BEEP BEEP RICHIE #4

Richie does NOT approve of balloons™

Pennywise’s fucking laugh????

Bill is so sweet??? And so is Mike???

I would pay for that set of cards. [Pennywise’s face on the back and maybe like the characters for the high cards]

Ben’s a nice man. Thank you Ben for helping that boy.

EDDIE MY SWEET SOFT MAN. Oh my God Eddie’s 11??

Oh jeez scoob I remember this part.

PLACEBO??? YOU MEAN GAZEBO!!!

“girly boy!”

Hah Bev’s dad’s dead. Serves him right. Asshole.

Damn bitch, SLURP DOWN THAT TEA

FUCKING PENNYWISE IS HILARIOUS.

EDDIES LAUGH IS SO PERFECT WHAT IS THIS???

Eddie is such a soft worded man??

Richie’s not ready to admit he’s gay– what? Hah no what?

“sheesh you guys~” -eddie being sweet

Beep beep Richie #5!!!!

Also a lil “Richie beep beep”

the way Richie directly let go of Mike and passed bill to get the alcohol for Eddie and to like move way close to him?? Hmm do I sense a lil bit of Reddie??? OH YES I DO

BEV AND RICHIE ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS????????

Eddie doesn’t know how to hug people because he’s so awkward. But it’s adorable.

Ben’s still fawning over Bev.

BILL U GOTS A DAMN FUCKJNG WIFE WHY U KISS HER LIKE THAT

Eddie just wants his alcohol

LMAO EDDIE FORGOT EVERYTHING

HE REMEMBERS

NO DONT CRY EDDIE

RICHIE TOZIER IS THERE FOR HIS BOYFRIEND

Eddie fucking turns away from Bev and towards Richie.

LMAO THEY JSUT REMEMBERED STANLEY WAS NOT THERE.

do they not know

Eddie sat next to RICHIE

RICHIE LOVES PLAYING WITH HIS BOYS HAIR

Eddie helping Richie with his dick puppet thing. Blessed

Eddie can’t stop looking at rich is it’s great

Eddie ur lying, ur gay and u live with ur mom.

“you take it from me spaghetti man, better dead that wet” wtf does that mean Richie.

RICHIE GET UR GLASSES BACK

I love how Eddie now has glasses and Richie stopped.

Richie u are NOT leaving.

Eddie u only agree with Richie cuz u love him

Eddies smile

With Bev it’s always blood

THEY BOLTED THE FUCK OUT

OJ FUCK NO I DOMT WANNA HEAR THIS

“hey spaghetti man no problem” Eddie has yet to tell Richie to stop.

OMG THIS IS THE BESY/WORST PART

The Reddie is so strong. Eddie keeps laughing at his boyfriend who’s being silly while they wait to hear that Stanley fucking killed himself. Wrow

“I love this man! Oh I love this man! He’s like the –boyfriend– I never had!!”

Beep beep Richie #6!!! A serious one from mike

Eddie can’t stop smilkng wow, he’s gay

The look on Mike’s face hurt me

Oh so these are the flashbacks!!

STENBROUGH!!!!

Bird boi!¡!!!

Don’t open the fridge

“Wheezey!”

Eddie always grabs onto Richie’s hand

[one-shoop]

I just had basically a panic attack or whatever over my dad calling for dinner. Oh but who would guess being singled out by a scream "FLOOOOOF! COME EEEAT!" every freaking night and told "COME ON HONEY" and "DID YOU HEEEEAR?" "FLOOOOOF?" "FLOOOF? ANSWEEEER?" doesn't give me, the girl who's terrified of eating to the point where she skips meals almost everyday, panic attacks. Dear god i cant freaking eat dad, I CANT EAT BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS MY GODDAMN OCD. But nooooooo. Apparently nobody bothered to ask me my triggers or even do some research after my diagnosis. And forgive me lord if Im not enthusiastic about explaining it myself becase EVERY GODDAMN TIME I TOLD SOMEONE THEY FORCED ME TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Told me "but the food is gooood" and "come oon, you need to eeeeeat" like i stg i'm so fucking tired

Of people telling me for an hour and a half to come fuck myself over with triggers and panic all the way and not be able to eat and be ashamed of myself and feel weak and unable to do anything. Like Jesus guys IT TRIGGERS MY OCD. MEANING THAT I CANT FUCKING EAT PEACEFULLY. I SONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. ITLL SCARE ME TO FUCKING HELL.

And yeah, for supportive parents they sure are doing the fucking lords job right? After fucking up myself to ask fir help thar never vame and was always denied or stripped to its bare minimums then told to accept that as tje ultimate help, I finally ficking tet someone who validates me and gives me a diagnosis. Ans yoy funky get fuckjng told to your faces that FORCING KIDS TO FACE THEOR FEARS IS THE WORST THING FOR THEIR HEALTH. And MAYBE if you knew anything at fucking all you'd fucking realize that when I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR HELP OUT OF FEAR OF BEING SHAMED FOR IT, maybe is your fault???? And maune it impedes on mh recovery???? And maube i shouldn't be the only one to fucking take stepd to retake that???? Im all foe fu king getting the help I gucking need but for fucks sake cant any of you look like you can more for, I dunno, fucking parenting, other than whatever fycking meal you're having???? Is it roo kuch to ask to help me retake my right to asking for the hospital since its been mentioned at that same fucking meeting we talk about that I've tried asking for goddamn help and you said no????

Like you had a goddamn professional tell you that WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT HELP, YOU CANT DENY IT. And that by pretending that I jad to tough it up, you fucked me up way more. And thw most I got was a half assed sentence of "BUT IM PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF, ITS UNHEALTHY" as fucking soon as the goddamn bells rang.

Like you had the nerve to ACXUSE ME of NOT asking for help and fucking NOT telling you anything. Ans believe it or not I STILL FUCLING THOUGHT THAT about a second ago. But honestly? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANULNE BE HONORABLY FORCED TO ASK FOR HELO THAT TJEU KNOW WILL NEGER VOME??? JUST SO YOU CAN SAY I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM WHO STILL BELIEVED IN YOU???? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS CRAP, AFTER BEING TOLD THE TRUTH, THE FIRS TTHING IM TOLD WHEN WE GET OUT IS THAT I NEED "TO TRUST YOU MORE"? AND "TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" am I someone's fucking puppet here??? Do you just want ro ficking play with me until youre done?????

Like what the fuck???? YOU THOUGHT I "DID THE WRONG THING" BY NOR ASKING COR HELP. BUT YOU SONS OF DEMONS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOUR PHILOSOPHY WAS THAT FUCKED UP PIECE OF MENTALITY FROM THE GODDAMN FARK AGES THAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR KIDS TO FUCK OFF. OKAY??? YPU KNEW THAT ENOIGJ TO EXPLAIN IT IN BARF-INCUDING CLARITY HOW APPARENTLY ONE SINGLE GUCKING BOOK ON ANXIETY IN KDIS WAS ENOUGB TO RID YOU OF YOUR ENTIRE HUMAN BRAIN AND SUDDENLY IT DIDNT MATTER HOW MUCH WE CRIED AND BEGGED AND GELT ALONE AND NEEDED YOUR SHIR COMFORT, TOU DIDNT CARE???? WELL FUESS WHAT???? THE FIRS TTHING YOU TELL ME WHEN SHE SPEAKS, BLESS THWT DOCTIR, IS THAT I DONT EVEN ASK FOR HELP. and bless me I told them YO I ASKED FOR THE HOSPITAL AND YOU TOLD ME I WASNT SICK ENOUGH. AND YOU BOTH HAD THE GODDAMN MIND TO REFUTE IT. UNTIL MOM TOLD DAD TO STOP BEXAUSE "SHES RIGHT, ITS OUR FAULT, OUR BAD".

Like what the fuck??? Tou already knew that you wouldn't have given any help anyways??? Why the fuck am I even supposed to fucking ask??? Why did you EVER tell me to ask??? Was ir so you could feel fucking welcome??? So you could feel so fucking badass and awesome telling me the goddamn word of light exquisite and God Almighty in his tree in heaven that "FIND AOLUTIONS AND STOP CRYING"???? OR, NO, WAIT, EZCUSE ME, WAD I SUPLOSED TO COME SEE YOU SO YOU COULD PEP-TALK ME INTO FUCKING OFF FROM FEELINGS LAND AND "FIND SOLUTIONS"??? Did you want to feel like you gave me comfort without actually giving me some??????

Like what the fuck???????????? And -- why the FUCK foes it STILL appear smart tp tell me to fucking TELL YOU SHIT? GUYS I TOLD TOU MORE SHOT I WAS LEGALLY ONLIGATED TO. YOU CAME TO MEET MY THERAPISTS. YOU GOT THE BRIEFINGS WITH ME WHEN I INVITED YOU. YOU GOT TO SEE MY PSYCHIATRIST, AND MY DOSSIER, AND MY MEDS. I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A LISTENING EAR AND NOT AFVICE, I TOLD YOU I FELT SCARED SOMETIMES OF EATING, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY OBSESSIONS, I ASKED YOU IF I COULD GO TO BE HOSPITALIXED BECASUE OCD GOT TOO BAD.

And you laughed at my fuccking obsessions. When i was a kid my biggest trigger was barfing, and bile. And guess fucking what? You fucking laughed around and invented the worst fucking single thing ever to say "fuck you get better" which was switching the goddamn syllables together and fuckinf singing it to me like it was fine now. Fucking laughing at me whenever ai had goddamn panic attacks. I diagnosed my own goddamn trigger at, what, ten? BUT I NEGER ASKED FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU FUCKINF LAUGHED AT ME EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES AND MY EARS AND PANICKED TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. I WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. I COULD NOT BEAR IT. AND WHEN YOU SAW A TERRIFIED CHILD, YOU SID NOTHING EXCEPT LAUGH AND SAY "there, now they're done with talking, tou can stop closing your ears now". YOU FUCLING NOTICED JN THE WORST WAY POSSUVLR. I REGRET SHOWING YOU THE FIRST ENTRY I MADE ON THIS. I WAS SO ASHAMED OF IT. I THOUGHT IT EAS WRONG. OR SHAMEFUL. AND -- GUESS WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS YNIQUE TO MEZ TOO. IT WA THE SINGLE MOSR SCARY TJING IN MY EXIDTENCE. MY CHEST BURNED AND SQUINTED AND I FELT JOT AND I CRIED AND VRIED AND BEGGED AND YELLED IN MY HEAD FOR PEOPLE TO STOP, IN THE BUS, AT SCHOOL, AT HOME. AND IF YOUD BEEN SLIGHTLY GIOD AT YOUR FUCKINF JOB I MOGHT HAVE TOLD YOU FUVKASSES. BHT NO. AND GUEDS WHAT? UNLESS WHST YOUVE FUCKING TOLD ME, BEING IN PAIN IS NOT ONLY VALID OR UNSHAMEFUL WHEN YOU ASK ADULRS WHAT TO DO. FOR HOW FUCLING LONG HACE I BEEN TOLD THAT PAIN DOESNT MATTER UNLESS AN ADULT IS ON THE CASE? HOW LONG HACE U WANRED SOMEWHRRE WHERE GODDAMN ADULTS DIDNT FUCK YOU OVER? DIDNT CONTR EVERY THOUGHT YOH HAD? WHERE SAYING "YOURE WRONG" ISNT AN INSULT? WJERE KIDS ARENT JUST DENIED A COICE BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS?

Ughhhhh.how many times should I get convinced that your help is worth crap? That searching for your goddamn advice and "comfort" is of any goddamn help? That what shit you give me is actually good enough?? What this it worth my time? That I should be looking at myself??? That i should be squinting and hating myself???? That I'm not worth saving??? That -- goddamnit. God fucking samn jt. Goddamnit im so done with all these excuses. I'm so fucking -- I wanted help, I wanted love, I wanted excuses and loce and light and fear and farkness and friends and family and I cant even talk anymore. I cant talk from myf eeljngs anu.kre. I have ti go on goddamn instinct because my goddamn vortex is fucked up. I realize I eas incpaable of having a mental nature by myself at 8. When I eas alone, I couldn't feel anything. I felt aimless, I just felt nothing. I couldnt bring myself to feel anything. I ducking mtocied that, and yes, tou noticed to, but your goddamn reaction was to tell me to get a life and stop obsessing about that friend I used to play with and just learn to do shit myself and do shit on my own. (Basically, to my own stupid ass brain, this trainwreck of a sentence means I was like a kid who needed autonomy from their parents and needed to learn their life was their own.) Bur yeah!!!! Whenever I was alone I didnt give a shit!!!! I felt aimless!!! Lost!!! Shitty!!!!! And when I first saw myself as a disgusting hump of crap I was 10, I wss running happily and sang a song about witches ans I saw myseld in my head and god I looked like garbage and I hated it. I hated what I looked like. I resented the idea that people had to see me. I thought, why do people even stay with me, I'm disgusting. I can never pinpoint the reason becauee yes, my brain is that fucked-up. Someday it will be back.

But seriously. Does anyone else have old stores from early teens where everyone kept fuclibg Escalon without telling their parents?where kids didnt go home? Where the bes tthi g ws just leaving forever? Anyone think the second arc of Warriors was the bestBEXAUE THEY LEAVE and you KNOW they'll leave and you KNOW things are always better and sorry Leafpaw bur I hated tour arc like goddamn shit itself because SCREW THE CLANS, I hate them and I wanted ro leave anywhere that ft like home.

What do kids feel about their homes? Do fhey ever wish they moved? Do they ever seriously ask themselves why the fuck anyone would want to live here? Do they find it unnapealing? Are you supposed go be HAPPY to come home after a trip? Are you supposed to feel completely shitty from coming back, like a failure? Like you weren't supposed to come back, you were supposed to stay awau forever?

Did any kids have zero track of time? Did any kids watch old videos from babytime and realize that there's just something fucking terrifying about it without knowing fucking why?

I saw a kid watch a video on repeat of her dad doing something random like, an old baby recording from when the kud was running in the hallway and he caught her. She watched it on repeat for so, so long , until her phone stopped working I think. And i Remember being touched in a way I neger knew possible, and telling myself from the top of my ripe old 13th year, well thars not something ive ever done or wanted to do. I remember going, why the fuck would you do that? Aren't you happy hes gone? Aren't you happy to be gone?

I remember being straight terrified of my paternal grandmother at 5 only to realize yeara later that she used to be violent and terribly abusive to everyone. I remember being terrified of my aunt's husband, and feeling something undescribable that felt lile a stabbing wound in my aunt's eyes, until I finally learned that he used to beat her. I remembwr hating Éric Salvail for some reason and being really u comfortable around him until BAM, guess who was a goddamn creep and sexual harrassment pro? This guy. I remember so many fucking things that made me uncomfortable and it turned out to be right, about people at least.

But I remember hating my own picture for as long as I can remember. My face unsettles me. I never fully write why, or go to the end of my thoughts. I have problems, I know. I hope knowing what they are will help.