i-am-a-hopeless-case

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

“I am craving intimacy in the form of late night conversations under the stars about our favourite sports, what our dreams are, what injustices light a flame within us.”

— I want depth and passion, I want to get to know someone on a molecular level.

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

There are peonies beneath your skin,

petals slowly pushing through the cracks

where you once broke yourself.

Roses bloom upon your fingers,

deep burgundy heady with

the beautiful potency you hold.

Wrapped around your limbs are lilies,

your inner grace manifesting

in silky, soft white.

You walk and leave behind a trail

of violets and posies,

fragrant truths unraveling

the wonderful, authentic you.

-

1477. Unravel me a garden

For @xxunravelmexx , a Secret Valentine present. ❤️

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

to my unrequited lover,

To my unrequited lover of eight years,

It’s been eight years, love--

eight long years of wonder

of whether we could somehow

be something more than

this platonic relationship we have.

It’s been eight Novembers, and

I hope you are aware, love--

of how weary I am of the what ifs,

the maybes and the if only’s--

of how much this love took a toll on me.

Love, I dreamt away of the fantasies--

where you would hold my body close,

and you would nuzzle your nose with mine--

where you would brush my lips with yours.

With these, I wasted away with time.

Yet unknowingly, I kept counting eves--

one, two, five and eight Novembers went,

but this love couldn’t seem to leave.

And I couldn’t bear to stay indifferent.

My love, this is where I end this.

- im.a.hopeless.case

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

Skin: it’s the hardest thing to wear. 💔

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

Everything is still. And I find it a thrill to be in the dark alone, with all my hopes thrown.

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

I want to believe that things eventually get better. So for now, I’ll do whatever the f*ck I can to stay alive.

- im.a.hopeless.case

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

Why I Am A Hopeless Case

The past week was bad. Or perhaps, weeks before them were just as bad. It’s just that this one was especially bad.

The truth is I’ve been living each day for the past three months with depression lingering around me. It’s in my room, inviting me to come lie down on the bed, wallow in my thoughts so I don’t sleep. It’s in my bathroom, throwing me out so I don’t wash myself. It’s in my kitchen, making a mess out of the appliances so I don’t eat. It’s in my study room, sketching contorted figures on my books so I don’t study. It’s everywhere. The worst of all is how it follows me outside the house. It won’t let me focus. But I still thank how good I am from hiding it in front of my friends, in front of others. Inside, I am terrified of them knowing. I am terrified of them seeing it. It being my depression. And my depression comes in the form of freshly-cut slits in my arms, cleaned scars, healed bruises in my body, starved stomach, sleep-deprived eyes, and pained heart and soul.

It’s been here for the past three months. It’s its longest stay so far. I don’t know how to make it leave. My voice is hoarse from shouting at it. My hands are numb from beating it out. My arms are bleeding from begging it to go away. I am in so much pain from doing what it wants me to do. I am in so much pain that words fail me.

Despite all this, I still tell myself lies in order to breathe the next day. I still lie to myself that I am still far from being a hopeless case.

- im.a.hopeless.case

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

I am in love with the words. ❤

“I pry open my veins with silver so the demons swimming in the crimson rivers can be blinded by the shine.”

— S. Renea

[i-am-a-hopeless-case]

This is so me.

i haven’t been alive that long, i don’t know that many people.

i could meet more, i could meet everyone on the face of this earth.

it doesn’t matter.

i could say no one will ever compare to you, but i already compare everyone to you.

i look for you in everyone, subconsciously.

i swear i don’t mean to. i want to move on. no, i need to move on, but you’re everything i’ve ever wanted. they can only ever be a fraction of that.

as hard as i try, as close as i get,

no one will ever be you.

v.m