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writing-the-stars · 2 years ago

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Forgotten

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader, Elena Gilbert x Fem!Reader (Platonic)

Summary: After seemingly being forgotten by your childhood friends, you seek comfort in a mysterious stranger

Warnings: Angst (Because I’m an Angsty Bitch Who Needs Angst to Survive), Hurt/Comfort, Elena (Because I Know How Most of Y’all Feel About Her). Let Me Know If I Forgot Something

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: Hey guys! I’m finally getting around to showing some love to Elijah. I’m debating on whether or not I should turn this into a series or not. Let me know if that is something you all might be interested in! As always, thank you guys so much for reading!!! Please feel free to leave a comment or send in an ask. I love interacting with you all. Have a wonderful day!!!

Masterlist | TVDU Masterlist

4:30 p.m.

An hour and a half past the time Elena was supposed to come home for your girls' day. A despondent feeling washes over you as you finally accept the fact that Elena has blown you off once again. You can’t even say you’re surprised as this behavior has become expected of her as of late. Your heart is just broken.

Ever since the Salvatore brothers moved into town, it’s been made clear you are no longer a priority in her life. Hell, you’re no longer even a priority in the group’s life— your presence slowly being diminished as they whisper in secret behind your back, conveniently have plans or forget to show up to your scheduled hangouts, or just not invite you to theirs at all. It kills you to watch the people you’ve grown up with— Elena since diapers— push you out of their lives. The four of you experienced your entire lives together, witnessing and supporting each other through every milestone— first kisses, first relationships, first school dance, first heartbreaks, first times of the month. Seeing how all of those memories— your lifelong friendships— can be so effortlessly rendered worthless with the arrival of two boys tears through your heart, leaving you with the ragged pieces.

Unbeknownst to you, however, the gang’s intentions were never to hurt you. Instead, they have been trying so laboriously to do the opposite. You, by some miracle, have been one of the few residents of Mystic Falls who has not been affected by the supernatural presence that thrives there. You have remained blissfully unaware of the vampires, witches, and werewolves that coexist with you in the small Virginian town. As far as your friends are concerned, that is exactly how they will keep you safe, even if it’s unknowingly the catalyst of your emotional anguish.

Hot tears dampening the rounded apples of your cheeks, you gather your things, tired of looking foolish and desperate in front of the people you have shared your life with. You are done fighting for your previous place in their lives which they have clearly refilled.

Storming out of Elena’s home, you are surprised to see a tall gentleman— arm raised as if he were about to knock— rather than the neighborhood you spent the majority of your childhood riding your bike around. Instinctively, you take a step back, placing distance between you and the stranger at Elena’s door.

“My apologies, I did not mean to startle you,” the tall brunet speaks— his voice calm and carefully crafted.

You take in the man’s appearance, noticing the tailored suit hugging his frame and your heart begins to race as you start imagining the worse. Surely a man with such obvious distinction did not happen to stumble across the Gilbert residence, he has to have been brought here. Given the recent calamities that have intercepted your best friend’s life, your mind can’t help but conjure the possibilities of trouble Elena or Jeremy could have gotten themselves into. You wonder if you will have to tell Jenna and what would you say given the outcome of the situation.

“Are you alright?” the gentleman at the door inquires, interrupting your racing thoughts and bringing you back to the present moment. You blink, realizing you never answered the man, and begin to laugh— your nervous tick.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be at the door.”

You clear your throat, “Has something happened? Is everything okay?” He tilts his head, eyes narrowing, a visual indicator of his analysis of your words. “That’s what I came here to find out. I had an engagement scheduled with Elena,” he reveals, hoping you could provide him with the reason behind her absence.

A dry laugh escapes your lips— your annoyance with the brunette pushing through the growing concern you had for her seconds before. “Well, join the club. She was supposed to meet me here at 3. If you really want to find her, look for Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Wherever they are, she is,” you tell the well-dressed gentleman— your disdain for the two brothers made quite evident through the bitterness soaking your voice.

He smiles down at you, beginning to see why you’re the only friend of the doppelgänger he had yet to formally meet, "I guess it’s safe to assume you're not a fan of the Salvatores." You roll your eyes at his massive understatement— your irritation beginning to reach its breaking point. “Don’t even get me started,” you state, knowing you could rant about your semi-undeserved hatred for the two brothers for hours.

Stewing in your vexation, you miss the way the Original Vampire studies you. He has seen you from afar, of course, when he was gathering the information he needed to procure Elena. But now that he is seeing you up close, there is a curiosity about you— an otherness that separates you from the rest of the group. You seem leaden, burdened by the weight of the world. He wonders how someone so young could be so harrowed— the vampire being out of touch with the trials of tribulations of mortal existence.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I would be happy to listen,” he offers, his intrigue winning him over. Your eyes widen as you look him over, shocked by his proposition. You can’t remember the last time anyone offered to listen to you talk. Silently, you question the man, wondering why he would waste any of his time listening to you, but the rational part of you is overruled by the intense desire to finally have somebody’s attention— even if it is a stranger’s.

Walking over to the swing that hangs off the Gilberts’ porch, you begin opening up to Elena’s mysterious visitor and it feels orgasmic to finally have someone listen to you— to acknowledge you and be attentive. For you to not feel discarded, but seen for all you are. That feeling is so intoxicating that you end up sharing far more with the gentleman than you had ever intended— far more than he had expected. You tell him everything— how your mother died when you were 3 and your dad is hardly ever home because of his job as a truck driver, how you spent most of your childhood with the Gilberts because there was no one else around to care for you, how you grew up inseparable from Elena and eventually the rest of the gang. You enlighten him on your hatred for the Salvatores because one by one they robbed you of the only family you ever really had without even possessing the bonds you had built with them. You share with him how you once again feel abandoned by the people you love and how devastated you are by their betrayal. You tell him how you can’t even begin to comprehend how everything you all have been through together can just suddenly not matter, how it feels like they’re telling you that you don’t matter. You tell him so much that you run out of things to say— only able to sob out all of the pent-up emotions that had been brewing inside of you for months.

And through it all, the vampire stays by your side, intently listening to every word that spills from your lips. When speaking became too much, he pulled you into his side, letting you cry onto him. The more he listened to you, the deeper his affinity for you grew. He saw the young woman broken by the sway of the universe, the lost little girl longing for her place in the world. He saw that flicker of hope for the good of humanity and how quickly it was being snuffed out. As he watched you cry, he knew he had to protect it— protect you. He understood the decisions your friends were making knowing the true cause of them, but that didn’t mean he liked the results.

You break away from the warmth of the man’s comforting embrace suddenly aware of the embarrassing predicament you have placed yourself in. With a flush to your cheeks, you apologize to the kind stranger for your unhampered display of emotions, but he swiftly dismisses it, reassuring you he was more than happy to provide you some solace.

You smile at the man, marveling at his beauty and compassion. He is so gentle with you— a complete stranger. His warmth and affection towards you is something you know you will be chasing for the rest of your life. He is magnificent and angelic.

As you look him over, your revere for the man twists into horror as you take note of the stain your running makeup left behind— permanently marring the expensive fabric of his suit. “I am so sorry,” you sincerely apologize, guilt eating at you for the damage you’ve caused. “I’ll help you pay for it. Shifts at the Grill don’t pay much, but I’m sure if I take on enough extra ones, I will eventually have enough money to pay you,” you offer, trying to find a solution to the mess you created, knowing full well you will probably never earn enough to cover even a fraction of the cost of the suit. The Original smiles down at you, amused by your concern over his suit— such a trivial matter.

“I own plenty of suits. Please, don’t worry about this one.”

You stare back at him incredulously, once again baffled by the gentleman’s generosity. You want to protest against his easy forgiveness and kindness, but the arrival of a vintage red Porsche Coupe steals your attention. Elena emerges from the vehicle— confusion coloring her expression.

“Y/N, what are you doing in here?” the brunette inquires as she ascends the steps to her porch. A scoff escapes your lips as another piece of your heart is ripped to shreds by her negligence of your friendship.

“Elijah,” the brunette questions, noticing the vampire standing behind you for the first time, “What’s going on?”

“Well, we’ve been sitting here waiting for you because apparently you couldn’t be bothered to show up to any of the events you planned. Remember our Girls Day of Fun?” you question your childhood friend— your anger with her behavior as of late reaching its boiling point.

Elena’s eyes widen in realization before her face quickly contorts into one of guilt, feeling mortified she’s forgotten about your plans once again.

"Y/N, I am so sorry. I—"

"Let me guess, you were too busy hanging out with Damon and Stefan to remember that you had plans with your best friend. Which, might I remind you, was set in place to make up for all the other times you abandoned me," you say, cutting her off, venom lacing your voice.

The brunette visible winces at the sting of your words, but you are far too gone in your outrage to care about her wounded feelings. After all, it’s not like she hasn’t been killing yours this entire time. “Y/N, please, you have to understand-” Elena begins, but you are quick to cut her off. “No, Elena, I don’t have to understand. You can not possibly have one valid reason for why you consistently keep blowing me off. You are supposed to be my best friend. I have known you since we were in diapers, so I can not even begin to comprehend why you, and everyone else for that matter, have been pushing me off for the freaking Salvatore brothers. I have been here for you way longer than they have and I have helped you through more than they possibly ever could. I expect this from Caroline, but from you, Elena..." you trail off, the lump swelling in your throat. “I just don’t understand why I’m being replaced,” you finally breathe out, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions.

The Original Vampire inches closer to you, feeling an impulsive need to shelter you from the source of your anguish. He remains quiet, however, understanding the importance of you two having this conversation. But his presence remains nearby waiting to swoop in whenever he is needed.

Elena’s eyes mirror the same tears decorating your cheeks as she encloses her arms around you. The doppelgänger hates that her actions have been hurting you, but with a supernatural development seemingly emerging every five minutes, it has been hard for her to ensure your safety and spend time with you. “I’m not replacing you. You’re still my best friend. It’s just… things are complicated,” she tells you, hoping that you’ll understand the inexpedient dilemma she’s been placed in.

Unfortunately, you can’t understand what you don’t know and you find yourself wondering about the possible meaning behind her vague words. But exhausted from the emotionally taxing day, you let the subject drop, opting to accept her cryptic explanation. You want nothing more than to go home and curl into bed. Elijah, whose presence you had completely forgotten in the midst of your confrontation, seems to sense your desire as he places a comforting hand on your shoulder and offers to escort you home.

Over your shoulder, Elena throws a glare at the Original, not liking the idea of leaving you alone with the vampire. But since Elijah has given her his word that he would not harm her friends, she allows you to leave with him, telling you that she will check on you in the morning. Nodding, you accept the distinguished gentleman’s outstretched hand and allow him to accompany you home.

Upon your arrival, you turn towards the man who has acted as more of a friend to you in the past hour than your friends have in months and envelop him in a hug of your own. The Mikaelson is caught off guard by the sudden contact but is quick to wrap you in his arms— pleased to be having such an affectionate moment with the girl who has quickly whittled a place for her in his heart.

“Thank you. So much. For everything. And I’m so sorry you had to see that,” you thank Elijah for his abundant kindness to you, pulling out of the comfort of his embrace.

“I would happily do it again,” he informs you— a smile lighting up your features.

“Bye, Elijah,” you part, entering your house and leaving a shocked Mikaelson in your wake. He hadn’t realized you caught his name.

"Goodbye, Y/N," he whispers, smiling down at his new favorite suit jacket.

Part 2

Taglist: @catmikaelson20

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simonsrosebud · 4 years ago

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Alright — this is very important — what’s the wedding party look like? Do either of them get walked down the aisle? What do the bachelor parties look like? What’s the first dance like? The cake cutting? OR! Do they just elope?

Either way, the most important thing of all — what are their vows?

i’m going to warn you: i’m afraid this is going to be a very long post.

the wedding is in january, before playoffs have the chance to start up. it’s easier that way also, because most of their friends either play exy or coach it, so they’re all off too. and dalton’s professor friends are off for winter break.

that being said, they’re on a time crunch for bachelor parties. and since kevin doesn’t drink or anything, the idea of the “typical bachelor” party is out of question. kevin doesn’t care for a bachelor party for himself, anyway.

however, when andrew is added to a groupchat with the whole wedding party, he sends two texts. not to the group, but to allison. she’s the one handling it, anyway.

the first text is a link to elton john at madison square garden, the second is a text.

hamilton on broadway friday the 14th, concert 15th.

(ik the timelines don’t technically match up, but since this is all fictional who cares)

it’s perfect. allison checks with dalton to be sure, and he lights up. apparently kevin has gotten really into hamilton because duh it’s history, and elton john is one of his favorite artists, especially after dalton introduced him to “your song” in college.

dalton goes with him because they know kevin would want him there, unlike normal bachelor parties where you spend it without your fiancé.

as for dalton’s, he gets taken to florida (it’s only like a 5 hour drive i think but they could fly also) and his friends, who for the most part are straight besides emmie, a blazing proud lesbian, take him to gay bars on gay bars, and then go to star wars land in disney world for a day- kevin’s idea. dalton is very excited about this because in this ask dalton reveals he’s a star wars fan and says he’d like to go see it someday. they also get drunk in disney, don’t worry.

they both have good sized wedding parties. for dalton, it’s carmen, bella, and his best friends jenna, reid, and sam.

for kevin, it’s andrew, neil, and dan. if anyone asked kevin in college if he’d thought she would be in his wedding party- or even if they’d leave college being friends, he would have said no, but he was stupid to think the foxes would ever lose touch. if anything, he got closer.

he’s also gotten closer than he ever would have probably wished to allison. there’s something to be said for the both of them having good taste. all it took was one trip of clothes shopping for a banquet for them to realize they’d had a lot more in common.

the only reason they never realized it was because they’ve both got the same level of stubbornness.

which is why she somehow ends up being asked to be in his wedding party, too.

kevin isn’t worried about asking neil. a little about andrew, but he can always get neil to talk him into it. he stops them both from leaving after practice, one day. “will you be my groomsmen? both of you?”

neil really doesn’t look surprised. not even phased. he’d been matt’s best man, after all. “yeah, sure.”

kevin looks to andrew, who hasn’t moved a muscle.

when he does, it’s to swing his bag around his shoulder. "no speeches.” and before he gets to the door. “and no one’s wrapping their arm around mine down the aisle.” and that’s more than okay with kevin. he doesn’t really want them speaking, anyway.

and then there’s dan and allison. he isn’t worried about them, so all he does is text them and they agree.

there’s no more than 70 people there. the actual ceremony only about 30. it’s not big by any means, but they didn’t want it big anyway. plus, kevin doesn’t have a whole group of family to invite like dalton does in the first place. he doesn’t mind, though, because he’s grown to consider dalton’s family his own.

kevin doesn’t get walked down the aisle. he never saw himself doing that with a woman before he realized he was bi and could potentially marry a man, so he’s never cared for it.

wymack, however, officiates the wedding. he’s very proud of it, too. he never seems to show nerves, and he doesn’t let kevin know, but this is something that causes him great stress. he can’t fuck it up.

he doesn’t, of course.

he’s standing beside kevin when dalton gets walked down the aisle by his mother, and kevin told himself he wouldn’t get emotional.

he lets out a breath and a soft laugh, then looks up at the ceiling to blink away the sudden wetness in his eyes.

when anne hands him off, she kisses kevin on the cheek and whispers. “all yours now, love.”

kevin wants to kiss dalton so bad. so so bad. but he has to wait. instead he gives him a wink and takes his hands. he expects them to be a tiny bit sweaty like they sometimes are when he gets nervous, but they’re not. dalton’s grip is firm, and the only thing kevin can see on him is glee.

kevin feels he barely can pay attention to the words his father is saying until it’s time for the vows. he’s first. he takes a deep breath.pays attention to what his father is saying, too busy staring at his fiancé. until they get to the vows, that is.

kevin is first, and his heart has never beat this fast. he memorized his vows, but just in case, he unfolds the paper from his pocket and takes the microphone. “i’ve made plenty of bad decisions in my life. going to the club the night before a game, trying to fix the kitchen sink by myself.” he smiles when dalton laughs at the memory. “d, i knew from the moment i told you about my demons and you stayed, that choosing you was the best decision i’ve made in my entire life. your are the strength i didn't know i needed, and the joy that i didn't know i lacked.” dalton mouths i love you. “thank you, for supporting and loving me unconditionally, i know i haven’t always made it easy.”

dalton gives the slightest shake of his head at that one. loving kevin comes as easy as breathing.

“thank you for showing me how to accept myself, and showing me what it’s like to find peace, to know what it’s like to feel wanted and loved. thank you for helping me to better myself as a man and a partner. you make me a better person in every single way, and i promise to put it all to use and give back every single day of our lives. i promise to love you through every hardship, to love you for who you are and who you are yet to become. i promise to support and help you in every new adventure, and to always be at your side. i promise to be patient and loyal. i promise to remember to show you every day how deeply i care for you. i promise to share my whole heart with you, to love you fiercely— for the rest of my life. as long as you’ll have me.”

dalton blinks away tears, and after taking a moment, he accepts the microphone. "kev,” he whispers, and takes a breath. kevin knows he has his written down, but he doesn’t take it out. he doesn’t need it. “i used to think that i just got lucky that some random hot kid asked me for help with his homework.” kevin grins.

“but i’ve realized now that the universe put you in front of me for a reason. you have filled my life with happiness and have given me a sense of peace that i’ve never known. you are my best friend, my biggest supporter, and the best co-pilot in life that i could’ve ever wished for.” he smiles. “today marks the start to the rest of our lives, whether we’re ready or not. i will not take our time together for granted. and because words can’t do it, i promise to show you, for the rest of my life, how much i love you. i promise to encourage you to follow your dreams. to support you through any of life’s obstacles. i promise to make you laugh when you’re taking yourself too seriously. i promise to hold your hand through the good and the bad, to keep you afloat when you feel you’re drowning. i promise to share the weight on your shoulders like it’s my own.”

a tear drops from kevin’s eye, and dalton reaches to gently wipe it with his thumb before grabbing his hand. “i promise to never stop making up my own lyrics to songs i don’t know. although, i know you wish i would. i promise to look back on our lives when we’re old and gray and have no regrets. i promise, from this day forward, kevin day, that you will never walk alone.” he lowers the microphone, whispering. “as long as you’ll have me.”

it’s a very emotional ceremony, that’s for sure, but they’re grinning by the time the rings go on, and dalton barely holds back from jumping kevin before he can say, “you may now kiss.”

kevin has his arms around dalton’s waist and dalton’s hands on his cheek and the back of his neck, and they’re both smiling into the kiss less than two seconds in. but kevin doesn’t care. dalton’s laugh is the best thing he’s ever heard and he relishes in it as he crushes him in a hug before tearing back down the aisle.

their first dance is to “your song” by elton john. is it probably overused? sure, but kevin isn’t into music enough to know or care about that. it’s the song that

it’s always been dalton’s go to song to sing in the car, and whenever he does he tends to just kind of grab onto kevin’s hand while he sings. he’s no harry styles but he can hold a tune just fine.

it then turned into a song kevin listened to on bus or plane rides, and when he entered the pros dalton started sending him voice memos on text of him singing like two lines from the song before his every flight.

kevin also played it in the car back to the cabin after he proposed.

it’s their song.

dalton pulls kevin to him for the first dance, with one hand holding kevin’s and the other pressed against the small of his back. and dalton’s singing along just loud enough for kevin to hear. it makes him smile at his dork of a husband, and halfway through the song kevin lays his head on dalton’s shoulder and slides his arms around his neck. he closes his eyes and ever so quietly sings along.

dalton kisses the side of his head and wraps his arms around kevin’s waist.

when the song is coming to an end, dalton kisses kevin and smiles as he sings the last lines to him. “how wonderful life is while you’re in the world”

kevin smiles. “sweetheart,” he whispers.

but then the song ends, and kevin leans back against their table as dalton takes the floor with anne for the mother son dance. he sends a thought up to kayleigh.

“i’m incredibly proud of you.” it’s abby at his side, sliding her arm around his waist. she kisses his cheek. “i know you know this already, that you foxes are family to us. but... you have always been like a son to me. and you always will, even if not by blood.”

kevin is looking at his feet, but eventually he meets her gaze. “you’re the closest thing i’ve ever had to a mother.” he squeezes her hand, and, “do you want to do the dance with me?” he doesn’t know how he hadn’t thought of it before.

abby’s a little teary, but nods.

dan rests her head on wymack’s shoulder. “he’s done good.”

wymack nods. he doesn’t respond, because he’s got… something… stuck in his throat. not emotions, definitely not emotions.

kevin smears cake all over dalton’s lips when they cut the cake, and in return he presses a messy kiss to his cheek. it’s sickenly sweet. the whole thing is, especially compared to the kevin day that some people know, and the one they see on television.

i can’t think of other things i may have missed, but please please let me know if there is anything else you guys want more insight on, or prompts regarding these!

oh yeah, kevin throws one of the bridesmaids little bouquets as a joke.

and carmen catches it.

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mortuarybees · 3 years ago

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I am gonna need daniel and grace lavery to do a podcast together where they talk about nothing for about an hour. I had jenna and juliens podcast as my emotional support middle aged semimarried couple to be my parents and now i have simply nailogicals podcast but i feel like im at a place where i need trans parents

#henry speaks

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managedmischiefs · 3 years ago

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chapter eighteen

genre: angst

warnings: prison, solitary confinement, kidnapping, ptsd, hospitals, car accident (no description, just mentions), Cat Adams, allusions to sexual assault

word count: 12.4k (sorry friends)

summary: amelia comes to terms with spencer coming home. spencer needs to save his mom and catch scratch. it's too much for 24 hours.

pairing: season 12 spencer reid x oc

AMELIA

Being woken up by banging at my door was not how I expected my day to start. I'd barely even slept. All my friends came over to my apartment when I told them I needed support, and we wound up staying up until the early hours of the morning watching tv.

But Frankie shook me awake, telling me that someone had been knocking on the door for a few minutes and they weren't going away. I pushed Frankie away at first, murmuring for him to answer it himself.

"Lia," Jenna took her turn in shaking my shoulder, "it's Penelope and JJ! You have to open it. Go."

And so I pushed myself off the couch, falling onto my knees but dragging myself away from my sleepy group of friends. Penelope and JJ burst in the door as soon as I opened it, and in the past, the tear stains on their cheeks would have made me panic. But they're smiling and hugging me and grabbing my hands and the excitement confused me but didn't make me wonder what happened to Spencer.

"We're going to get him." Penelope blurted out, holding my shoulders too tightly and beaming at me and JJ. "You didn't want updates so I didn't give you any but now that we know about Lindsay and that she drugged Reid, we found evidence that put her in Mexico and we also found partial prints and we got them to a judge just in time and she agreed to release Reid!"

"It's over, Amelia, he's coming home," JJ added, pulling me into another too-tight hug.

I didn't believe them. Penelope and JJ seemed elated and ready to bring me to the prison, and even my friends gave me hugs when I moved back towards the living room for my shoes. But it didn't seem real. It didn't seem like reality. Almost five months without Spencer and receiving bad news after bad news after bad news, I should have believed that all of a sudden he's coming home? It wasn't possible.

The girl's ushered me upstairs and told me to change as quickly as I could. And if I believed them, maybe I would have dressed better. Maybe I would have throw on a dress and my signature boots and put my hair up and thrown in my piercings and slapped a smile on my face. Maybe I would've made myself look presentable. But none of this seemed real and so I didn't even care. I just threw on a new pair of pajamas and my glasses and ran my fingers through the knots in my hair. When I returned to the girls downstairs, I just grabbed my backpack and shrugged.

"I'm gonna take my own car," I had picked my car keys up from the bowl as we left my apartment. I insisted that I wanted to drive my own car and not ride with the girls and Luke, but Penelope insisted that she drive my car. Something about me maybe not being in the right mindset to drive. I didn’t have the energy to argue. So she snatched the keys out of my hand and dragged me to my car, making sure I got in the passenger seat, and then drove off.

The silence loomed over us as she drove and I just stared out the window at the passing sights. I tried to keep my breathing regulated and my tears at bay. A few slipped out and rolled down my cheeks but I didn't let them stay for long, I couldn't let that type of weakness linger.

"Hey," Penelope eventually broke the silence, "why aren't you more excited? Spencer's coming home."

I shook my head, biting down on my lip. "Because I don't believe it."

"You don't believe it?" She asked, glancing over at me. "We’re going there now, Amelia. Going to go get him."

"Penelope." I turned to her, my throat tightened to stop the flood gates from opening. "Every time I came to the BAU, there was some horrible news waiting for me. Spencer's arrested, Spencer's going to prison, Spencer's trial was pushed back, Spencer got beat up, Spencer stabbed himself to get into solitary confinement. I know you guys are amazing at your jobs, you're the absolute best at your jobs and I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but I'm not gonna believe it when you and JJ come knocking on my door on a random Wednesday morning to tell me that Spencer is coming home after he basically tried to start a fight with someone in prison. I'm not getting my hopes up."

Penelope didn't say anything after my tantrum. She just kept her eyes forward and she drove, and when the prison finally came into view, I had to look away. I had bitched and moaned and cried and screamed about Spencer not putting me on his visitor list but as I finally laid eyes on the building where Spencer was being trapped and tortured, I knew I'd never be able to step foot inside. I knew I couldn't force myself into a building where Spencer went through the worst moments in his life.

"I can't go in," I said to Penelope, and she didn't even ask why. She didn't ask why, she didn't try to convince me to go in, she didn't complain.

The three of them rushed inside the prison and I was left in the parking lot. I eventually migrated outside my car, leaning against the driver’s side and staring up at the clouds. I couldn't see any shapes at that moment. I wonder if Spencer was able to see any yet. The last time I'd asked, he couldn't. I wonder if he could look up at the sky and see a hair bow or a tree or a bird.

Time ticked on, and on, and on, and my heart sank closer and closer to my feet. I knew it was too good to be true. They went in there to get Spencer and now they won't let him out. Why else would it have taken so long? How long does it take to get someone out of prison? Surely not the hour and a half that I stood out in the cold, trying to bring my sweater closer around my body to keep me warm.

I just stared at the clouds and wished with every fiber of my being that this would be over soon so I could go home and curl up in bed. I didn't want to be trapped in my stuffy car, or stranded at this horrible prison, or anywhere near the BAU team.

I reached into my pocket, pulling out Spencer's sobriety medallion. There was never a day that I left my apartment without it. I traveled every single step with it on my body. It didn't serve the same purpose to me that it would for a recovering addict, but it did do something similar. It reminded me that Spencer would come home to me. Every time I looked down at the circular metal, at the engraved N on the back, it reminded me that whether it be tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or next decade, Spencer would come home to me. He would, like he promised so many times that he would, remember to keep going north and he would come home. He would do what he believes is right and he would come home to me in one piece.

I twirled the cold metal in my hand and tapped my foot, waiting for this torture to be over. And maybe it was privileged of me to have that thought. I had all the privilege in the world to be sitting outside of a prison with car keys in my hand and a car full of gas that could take me anywhere, while my boyfriend was trapped inside, wasting away and serving time for a crime that he didn't commit while serial killers roam free and taunt the BAU with what they've done.

When you're younger, you memorize the sounds of your family members. I could always tell by the sound of a set of keys if it was my mom or my dad walking in the front door. By the pressure and amount of knocks, I could tell if it was my brother coming into my bedroom to play or my dad coming to hit me. I could always tell who was screaming louder downstairs by the frequency, and I quickly learned who was my mother and who was my father, even if their voices were muffled.

I only started to cry when I heard footsteps. I heard Penelope's heels clicking against the pavement from a mile away, but the moment I heard Spencer's dress shoes against the pavement, I relaxed and let the tears fall. I'd heard him wear those shoes for the entirety of our relationship and I knew the sounds of those just as well as the sound of my own voice. That was the moment that I knew it was real. This was happening. It was over. He was coming home and I would have him in my arms again.

He didn't say anything for what seemed like the longest time. Even as I sniffled and wiped my tears, he just stood and stared. I knew that the moment I looked at him, I would lose it, but not exactly how. I'd yelled and I'd cried and I'd lost my cool at the team, but how would I react towards Spencer? Would I do the same? I was pissed at him, that's for sure. I was pissed and hurt and scared and angry, and I wanted nothing more than to scream at him for putting me through this pain and for leaving me by myself for so long.

But I knew that I'd give anything to hug him, to kiss him, to comfort him, to have him in my arms. I wanted to cry and tell him that, despite his mother's abduction, he's safe. He doesn't have to fight for his life anymore and he doesn't have to watch his back. I just wanted to love him endlessly. But I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see what he looked like and face what he had been through and see the physical effects. So I kept my eyes up at the clouds, searching for clouds that I could distinguish to be a shape.

He moved closer and I swear, I could've screamed. Screamed, why? I'm not sure. My chest was so tight, I needed to get some sort of emotion out. But I just clutched the medallion as tightly as I could and zeroed in on a cloud that could possibly, maybe, only a little bit look like a square.

"I'm sorry," he said, but I had no clue what he was apologizing for. Honestly, there are so many things. Was he sorry for approaching me? Was he sorry for going to prison? Was he sorry for getting arrested? Was he sorry for going to Mexico? Was he sorry for bringing his mother to live with him? There are so many things that, in Spencer's mind, he could apologize for. Why now? But I still didn't look at him. "I tried to see dinosaurs and cars and lamps like you told me about, but I couldn't. I need you to teach me how to see shapes in the clouds because I can't do it without you, baby."

The fucking clouds. He apologized for not seeing shapes in the fucking clouds. He apologized because of one conversation we had after I dragged him to the park after he came home from a rough case. But somehow, I understood what he meant by it. He thought that he failed me and that he disappointed me because of this whole ordeal. Not being able to see a fucking dinosaur in the cloud is just a metaphor for his inability to keep himself out of harm’s way and out of Scratch's way. But I never saw it like that, and I wish he knew that.

And in my horrible effort to silently communicate to him that he didn't need to apologize, I looked into his eyes. I love this man with all my heart, but he looked absolutely horrible. His hair was significantly longer than I remembered and looked like it hadn't been brushed in years, his facial hair, while I was right in predicting that it is undeniably sexy, was unkempt, and he had the darkest circles under his eyes that I'd ever seen. I'd seen him deprived of sleep before, but at that moment, I wondered if he ever actually closed his eyes for the duration of his stay in prison.

He reached out for me, and just when his fingers were about to brush the fabric of my coat, he retracted his hands. I wished he hadn't. I wished he grabbed me as tightly as he could the moment he walked over here and kissed me with every bit of strength he had left in his body. I trembled with desire, just needing to feel Spencer on me. But I didn't want to rush him. I knew he went through a lot in those walls and he was clearly a bit unhinged, and I didn't want to set him off.

"I--" he hesitated, it seemed, stumbling over his words. He gulped, choking back tears. I wanted to reach for him, to hold him, to kiss him, to hug him like I'd been craving to do for months on end. But I reminded myself to breathe through my tears and not accost him. "Lia, I need you."

That was all it took. We broke down after that. We broke down crying, and hugging, and kissing, the way we had both been longing to do so badly for months. It was an outpouring of love and emotions and tears and part of me thought that it still didn't even feel real. It was just a moment of relief and happiness before Spencer would be ushered back inside and stolen right from me again.

Even now, it doesn't seem real. Even now as JJ comes to put her hands on our shoulders and grins at us, telling us that the other three are going to head back to the BAU. Penelope and Luke give us hugs and head back to the SUV, leaving Spencer and me alone again.

It doesn't feel real as I pull my keys out of my pocket, turning to my boyfriend with a slightly tired smile. "I know I shouldn't try to convince you to go home and shower, or change, or just-- go home and rest."

Spencer gives me a tight-lipped smile, shaking his head no. "I know you want me home, but I gotta get my mom back."

"I know. I knew that answer already. Get in," I gesture to the passenger side of my car and climb in, starting the engine. I watch the SUV pull away in front of us and put my car into drive, double-checking that Spencer has buckled his seat belt before I pull away from the prison. I catch Spencer's eyes lingering on the building as we pull away, and I wish I could know what's going on in his head. "Hey," I whisper, and his head slowly turns to me, "it's over, dove. You don't have to go back ever again."

Spencer starts to nod but his gaze travels out the window again. The silence in the car thickens and it makes me nervous. It scares me, to be honest. I've heard stories about inmates being institutionalized, but I have no idea what that means. I know of the major events that happened to Spencer in prison but I don't know what he saw, or experienced, or what's going on in his head. I don't know if he's changed and I don't know if he's stayed exactly the same. But if I'm getting the answer based on this car ride, I would bet that he's changed exponentially. Spencer always filled our car rides with stories and facts and statistics. We've never had a silent car ride.

"Amelia?" He's, surprisingly, the one who breaks the silence. "Um--"

"Yeah?" I encourage him to keep talking, looking over at him when I stop at a red light.

Spencer looks down at his lap, fiddling with one of the cuff links on his jacket. "This seems sort of, um, silly, I guess, but, um, could you, um--"

"Lovey, just ask. You don't need to be afraid," I turn my head to him and smile. I try not to let my mind wander off and question how maybe smiles he's seen lately. I try not to let my mind wander off and question how many times he hasn't been afraid lately.

Spencer chews on his bottom lip as he stares back at me, still wondering if he should even ask what he wants to. And I'm not sure what it is that finally calms him enough to ask, but he nods after a moment. "Could you, um, if you could still drive, could you, just, hold my hand?"

It's such a simple request. It's a question that, in the past, would have never even needed to have been asked. Spencer would have just reached over and grabbed my hand at a red light without asking. Maybe he would have kissed me too, and he probably would have even had his hand on my thigh by now. But now he seems so hesitant to touch me, and I don't know if I want to know if it's my fault or his fault.

I retract my right hand from the steering wheel and hold it out to him. "Of course. You know you don't need to ask, Spence."

Spencer nods wordlessly, intertwining our fingers and dropping our hands into his lap. He holds them there, staring straight forward when I start to drive again. I soon feel his other hand covering my knuckles and it brings goosebumps to my skin.

"You got another tattoo," he observes, and then runs his pointer finger over the black ink, "and it's for me."

"I got it after your court hearing," I say softly because even though he brought up the tattoo, I don't necessarily want to bring up things like his arrest and when he was sentenced to go to jail. "Everyone came out to tell me what happened and I just dragged Penelope out and got it done right away. I wanted a reminder of you."

Spencer lifts our entwined hands, pressing his lips to the back of my hand. "I love it." His lips are soft and warm and I never want him to pull away, but then I remind myself that his kisses aren't going anywhere. He's out of prison and he's not leaving me again and he's coming home.

I glance down at our hands and a small smile comes to my face. But he doesn't say anything else and he just moves his gaze back out the window. So I keep driving and I don't say anything else until we arrive at the building where I've spent all of my time lately.

I'm starting to break again as I throw my car into park, leaning my one hand against the steering wheel as I choke back a new wave of tears. "Spencer," my voice cracks pathetically, and I can't even bring myself to look at him, "they're gonna find your mom, and everything's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that," Spencer scoffs and he drops my hand from his grasp. "She's been taken by serial killers who put me in prison just because they wanted to have some excitement in their lives. They could--" he shutters, digging the heel of his hand into his eye, "they could just kill her and-- and-- I'll never see her again."

When I look over at him, something just makes me realize how much he's changed, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's how he's speaking to me and how he let go of my hand. Spencer never used to let go of my hand if he had the chance to hold it. He would always be making some sort of physical contact with me. I see how he's changed in the way his hair curls, and the way his suit lays on his broader shoulders, and the way his eyes dart across the new environment he's moved into. I suddenly don't even know how to talk to him. I suddenly don't even think I should be in the same car as him, sitting next to him, and then more tears are streaming down my cheeks as those horrible thoughts come to mind.

I tug the keys out of the ignition and reach for the door handle. "Ready to go in?" And without another word or a glance towards me, Spencer pulls open the passenger door and strides towards the entrance.

I always thought that when Spencer got out of prison, it would be an absolute relief. I thought once we cried and hugged and kissed, we would spend some time with the team, and then I'd be able to take him home. I'd be able to take him home and shower him in love and tell him how much I missed him and how much I love him and start dishing out all the affection he missed out the last few months.

I didn't think that he'd hug the team for two seconds upon his return to the BAU, and then they'd go running off in their kevlars. We had gone to his apartment to grab a few things but that was a quick stop and we came right back.

I didn't think that my first day back with Spencer would consist of me watching him pace insistently in the round table room. But here I am, sitting with my legs crossed in the of the rolling chairs while Spencer mumbles to himself and walks the length of the room, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It's making me crazy, honestly, and he's never paced before. I've always hated pacing. But I know he's anxious about his mom and there's nothing I can do to help.

"Spence?" He barely even acknowledges when I say his name. "Spencer," I say his name a bit sharper, and that's when he stops pacing and looks at me. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are swollen from how he keeps rubbing them.

I beckon him over with a slight wave of my hand, turning the chair beside me towards him. Spencer's chest deflates at my simple and silent request and that hurts, but nonetheless, he throws his body into the seat beside me. "What do you need?" He forces the question out, trying to sound somewhat polite despite his utter panic and stress.

I reach into my pocket and pull out his medallion, staring down at it for a moment before handing it over to him. "I've been carrying it around with me since you got arrested. Haven't taken a step without it in my pocket. Maybe it'll help to, I don't know, ground you? Maybe it won't help at all but I figured it wouldn't hurt you to have it right now."

Spencer reaches forward the grab the medallion from me, and when his fingers brush against mine, it sends a shock up my arm. Gosh, it's like we're touching for the first time all over again. He stares down at it, flipping it around in his fingers a few times before he lets out a long breath.

"Amelia," he practically whimpers, and the sound hurts more than his hostility. He makes a fist around the medallion around me and looks up at me, his eyes rimmed red. "Will you hold me?"

I quickly scramble out of my chair and onto Spencer's lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his chest. We sit like that forever, it seems, just waiting for any word from the team or for them to arrive back here. Spencer stays silent though and just holds my waist, his forehead resting against my shoulder. We stay so still and so silent that I fall asleep in Spencer's embrace. After all, I was woken up at the crack of dawn after a late night with wine and my friends.

I'm shaken awake, though, when Spencer quickly ushers me off his lap and back into the chair I was previously in. He's on his feet in a minute, spewing out a million questions to the team that is filing in with their kevlars still on.

"Where's my mom?" He asks hastily, glancing around the room. When nobody gives him an immediate answer, he slams his hands against the table with every bit of strength he has, and the force is enough to jolt me completely awake and alert. "Tell me! Where is my mom? Is she dead?" I stand, placing my hand on Spencer's arm, but he quickly and easily shakes it off. "Don't touch me!" He shouts, barely even looking at me before returning his attention to his team. "Where's my mom?!"

Everyone in the room is utterly shocked by his explosive behavior, especially me. I'm so shocked that I cower away from him, all the way until my back hits the wall and I'm across the room from him. But nobody pays any mind to me, they're all staring at Spencer.

"Spence, she wasn't there," Emily speaks first, quietly and gently. "We have reason to believe that she's okay, but, um, we got more insight from the house that we need to tell you about. And Amelia, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

I don't need to be asked twice. I flee from the conference room. I tangle my fingers in my curls and hurry down the ramp, falling into the chair at Spencer's desk, pulling my knees up to my chest again. I pull in deep breaths through my nose and close my eyes, trying to forget the image of Spencer yelling at me and rejecting my comfort.

He's never, ever yelled at me like that. We've been together for two and a half years now and in the two years that we were physically together, we never fought. And in the times that we argued, it was over little things. We argued over missed dates and forgotten chores and broken household items. But Spencer never once raised his voice at me like that and he never pushed me away from him.

I don't know how to deal with him. I've only been in his presence for two hours, at most, and I've already had countless moments of confusion and bafflement. He's different. I should have expected that. But he's so different and I don't know how to help him. I don't know how to calm him down and what I'm supposed to say to him to remind him that he's safe. Am I supposed to say anything at all?

I only lift my head when I start to hear shouting. My eyes dart back towards the conference room where it seems like the team is arguing all amongst each other, shedding their kevlars and throwing them aside. Their anger seems to be mostly towards Emily, but then it momentarily turns to Spencer when he starts speaking, and then it's back to Emily. Rossi is pacing, Penelope is on the verge of tears, and the rest of the team just looks outraged. But oddly enough, Spencer looks calm. He's looked calm this whole time.

And then he lets his gaze linger out to me. He lets himself look out of the conference room to my curled up body, watching helplessly from the outside as the team argues over a matter I can't be involved in. His face softens and even from here, I can see that he sighs. I try to muster up some sort of smile, one that's surely weak and not comforting in the slightest. But at least I offer him something other than crime and arguing.

Spencer turns away from his team and leaves the conference room, taking his time in wandering over to me. I watch his every step, wondering what is going on and why everyone is so up in arms. Maybe I don't even want to know. I'm sure it will just make me mad anyways, especially if it's making Penelope so upset.

Spencer gets to his desk and leans against the edge beside me, breathing out a sigh that's tense and rigid. "I, um--" he clears his throat, putting his hands in his lap and looking down at them, "I'm sorry I yelled at you like that."

I nod at him, reaching forward to wiggle my fingers into his intertwined hands, and he resists at first but lets me hold his hand after a moment. "It's okay, dove. What's going on?"

"Do you remember," he keeps his gaze away from me, "when we first went cloud watching?"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, cocking my head to the side. "Uh, of course I do. We went on a picnic after you had a hard case."

"Do you remember the case?" He asks next like he’s trying to draw out his questions to avoid what he really needs to tell me, and his grip on my hand gets tighter.

"Vaguely," I murmur. "You had to go on a date with a hitwoman and pose as a married man who wanted to kill his pregnant wife. What does that have to do with this? I thought she was in prison, Spence."

"She is," Spencer starts to nod continuously and breaks one of his hands away to rub up and down my arm, a stiff attempt at comfort. "She orchestrated this from prison. Scratch was never involved apparently. She had an accomplice in the free world who did all her dirty work for her, but she ultimately called all the shots. It was her, Amelia," he sighs, and when his hand stops moving, I hear him sniffle. "When the team went to that house just before, they found a message from Cat, she's the hitwoman. She said that if I want my mom back, then I have to go and talk to her."

My eyes widen at his words, and I'm utterly stunned. "What?"

"Me and JJ are leaving in ten minutes. I just came to say goodbye to you, and to tell you I'll be back in a few hours," Spencer never meets my eye. He hasn't this whole time and I don't know if I prefer it that way.

"No!" I exclaim, ripping my hand away from his. The action stuns him and he reaches for me as I pull away, but I'm already standing. "You have to go back to prison? Absolutely not! You just spent three months locked up and going through hell! Send someone else! There's a whole team in that room that's just as smart as you and they can deal with her. I'm not letting you go waltzing right back into prison!"

I turn on my heel and go bounding towards the conference room, but I feel Spencer hot on my heels. He grabs my arm before I can get too far, holding me back. "I know you're upset about this and it's not ideal, but I have to do this to get my mom back."

I turn to him, my eyes filled with tears that I refuse to let fall. "Send someone else." I hiss through my clenched teeth.

"We can't," Spencer responds, and when I try to get out of his grasp, he holds me tighter. "It has to be me. She wants to play her stupid game. I've outsmarted her before and I can do it again--"

"I know you can outsmart her!" I exclaim, pushing his chest, sending him stumbling back a few steps. Our yelling brings the team out of the conference room to check on us but they don't intervene. They just watch us standing on the ramp. They watch me break down for the millionth time.

Spencer groans, running his hands through his unruly hair. "Lia, I--"

"I know you can outsmart her, Spencer!" I shout, hot tears streaming down my cheeks and down my neck, wetting the collar of my tank top. "That's not what I'm worried about! I know that you're smart enough to outsmart every goddamn serial killer that gets on your radar. I've known that since the moment I met you. But I don't--" I choke my words, bringing my hands up to cover my mouth.

I've admitted my feelings to Jenna and to Penelope and somewhat to Dave, but I haven't gotten the chance to speak to Spencer. I haven't been able to tell him how I spent every single moment of his incarceration in fear for his life. Now, I know he had it worse because he was actually experiencing it, but I was in the dark. I couldn't see him and I couldn't talk to him. I was only getting secondhand information from a team of profilers who could have lied to me with ease.

"I can't-" I drop my hands and breathe in a long breath, but it doesn't do anything to slow my rapidly beating heart. "I've spent three fucking months walking around and not being able to see you. I spent three months crying and screaming and cursing the universe for putting you through such intense pain that you don't deserve, because you deserve the motherfucking world, Spencer! And now you just wanna go right back to prison and face some psycho who landed you in a place that had you beat and broken and taken away from me. So I'm sorry that I don't want you to go," I pause again, just staring at Spencer's face. He's giving me a blank face that I can't entirely read. He's never looked at me like this. "I'm sorry that I don't want you to go back to a place that has clearly traumatized you and I'm sorry that I just want to have you here, in my arms so I can hold you and promise you that everything is going to be okay. I'm sorry, okay?"

I push past Spencer and go running off, furiously wiping at my cheeks, but it's a useless attempt. The tears won't stop and I know that. My monologue was also another useless attempt and I know that too. Spencer is going to do absolutely anything in his power to get his mother back. And if that means going to see a serial killer in prison who's clearly obsessed with him, then he'll do it. He's always been that selfless and I used to admire that. But right now I just wish he would listen to me for once.

I throw myself into one of the interview rooms and curl up on the couch, sobbing into my hands. I've just gotten my Spencer back and now he's leaving me to go back to prison. He's getting taken away from me yet again and, after three months of psychological torture, he needs to outsmart a serial killer to save his mother. Can he handle that? He could barely handle asking me to hold his hand in the car. Can he handle a criminally sophisticated serial killer?

The door opens slowly and quietly and then I hear the sounds of Spencer's shoes again. They're dense and heavier than I remember them to be a few months ago. I'm covering my eyes with my hands but I hear him sit down beside the couch I'm on and then his hand reaches out to push my hair behind my ears. My curls bounce back into my face and it makes Spencer chuckle, and that simple sound makes my heart flutter. I want to hear his full-fledged, loud, obnoxious, unhinged, head-tossed-back laugh. I'd do anything to hear that.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, pushing my hair back again and holding his hand on the back of my head. "I know you're unhappy, and I know you're upset and worried and panicked and that you missed me. And I--" he scoots closer to the couch, resting his chin against the cushion, his face right in front of my covered one, "I don't want any of this to be happening either. I wanna go home and finally sleep, and eat something good, and just hold you and-- and cry out my emotions. But I can't do that. I need to do everything I can to save my mom right now. JJ is going to the prison with me and she's gonna make sure everything goes smoothly."

I drag my hands down my face, revealing my tear-stained face to him. Spencer gives me a sad smile, using his free hand to wipe my tears. "Baby?" I whisper.

He hums softly in response, and for a moment, the old him starts to shine through. His tender touch and his soft smile remind me of the person he was. It reminds me of the times we would lay on the couch at night, tangled in a blanket as we eat take-out. Or the times we sit on a freezing cold balcony and shares stories of our days. Or the times we would meet every morning at the same cafe and I could send him off to work with a kiss and a pinky promise to return home safely. This moment gives me just a little bit of hope that the old him is still in him, and that it's just buried deep down.

"Are you gonna be allowed to have your phone?" I murmur, and Spencer nods a tiny bit in response. "Will you just-- can you call me if you need me? I'll keep my phone on me with the ringer on. I know you'll be busy but if you need me, just call me. Even if you just wanna hear my voice, don't hesitate."

Spencer smiles, and I swear, it's the most beautiful sight I've seen in my life. "Of course. I'll always need you, sweetheart."

I grab the hand that's on my face and bring his knuckles to my lips. "I love you so, so much, okay? You got this, dove."

Spencer moves our hands and presses his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. "I love you too. I'm gonna be back as soon as I possibly can be. But, uh, before I leave, can you just do one more thing for me?"

I sit up and look down at him on his knees, running my fingers over his jawline. "Anything."

Spencer reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out a thin, black sharpie. "It's a weird request, I know. But, that tattoo on your hand, could you draw it on me?"

I raise my eyebrows, glancing down at my hand, a small smile playing on my lips. "Seriously?" He nods, thrusting the sharpie in my hand. "Sure, of course. I wouldn't imagine you want it on your hand, where I have it. On your arm? Just on your forearm?" I gesture to my Starry Night tattoo right under the crook of my elbow, for a reference of placement. Spencer starts to push up his jacket and sleeve, leaving me room to draw an identical symbol to the one on my hand. "Spence, you won't even be able to see it."

"I know," he mumbles, watching me draw the little N, "but you can't see the butterfly on the back of your arm. But you know it's there and it makes you think of your mom. I know this is here and it'll make me think of you."

I cap the sharpie and toss it aside, smiling at him. "Be safe, Spencer," I grab his cheeks again, stroking his skin with my thumbs. "You're smarter than her, you know you are. I meant what I said before. You can outsmart every single serial killer out there and you've already outsmarted this one. You can do it again."

He searches my face for something, but I can't quite tell for what. He reaches for my waist, squeezing tightly. Spencer takes in a long breath and closes his eyes. "Please tell me you love me," he whimpers.

"Oh, my darling," I lean forward and rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes too, sinking onto his lap so our bodies can be as close as possible, "Spencer Reid, I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you more than I love myself. My heart beats for you, Spencer. Please, don't ever forget that. I love you and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face. It'll be the first thing I tell you in the morning and the last thing I tell you at night. I just-- I love you."

Spencer doesn't even respond to my second, yet equally dramatic, monologue of the day, but he just presses his lips to mine. The kiss is the fervent and needy we've shared, but that's what we need right now. This is how I would have kissed Spencer if I had the chance to kiss him goodbye before he went away to prison, and even though I know he's going to come back to me, I have so much time to make up for and I need to start now.

"Say it back," I murmur against his lips, turning my head and kissing him again. "Say it back and promise me that you're gonna come back to me in one piece,"

Spencer wraps his arms as tight as he can around my waist and draws me even closer to his body. "I'm gonna come home to you, just like I am right now, I promise," he presses one more long kiss to my lips before pulling away breathlessly. "I love you."

///

"Amelia," Penelope comes bursting into the interview room I never left, a smile on her face, "Spencer and JJ are on their way up."

I jump to my feet, following her out, walking beside her to the elevator. "Is Diana okay?" I ask quickly, pausing beside her when we reach the doors.

"Yeah, Diana is, you know, physically okay. The team got there and we did our magic and Lindsay betrayed Cat and gave up Diana and the team is on their way back with her now," Penelope throws her arms around me, weeping with joy. "Amelia, it's all over. Diana is safe, Spencer is home, everyone is good. It's over."

I sigh into her shoulder, smiling. "Yeah, it's over."

"Whoa, I wanna join in this hug!" We hear JJ's voice from the elevator, and in just a second, she's joined our hug and thrown her arms around the two of us. We laugh, hugging her waist and accepting her into our circle. "Oh, I love you girls. And I can't wait for when things settle down and we can get Tara and Emily and Lisa and Monica and all go out for a girls night. But for now, Amelia, go get him."

I lift my head and I immediately lay eyes on Spencer. He's sitting on the floor beside the glass doors of the bullpen, knees pulled up to his chest and his sobriety medallion in his hand. I give a smile to the girls and unravel from them, heading over to my solemn boyfriend.

I sit on the floor between his bent legs and cross my own legs, grabbing his free hand and intertwining our fingers. He barely even responds to my touch and he just keeps his eyes on the floor. I reach forward and tuck my fingers under his chin, lifting his gaze until it reaches mine. His eyes look dull and he's truly never looked more exhausted. I thought he looked utterly exhausted when he got out of prison this morning, but now it's the middle of the night and he's been working and stressed all day, and the exhaustion is settling in.

His eyes meet mine and I try to give him a smile. "I'm proud of you," I tell him. "I knew you could do it. You saved your mom."

Spencer just stares at me for a moment before he looks down again, and when he shifts his body a bit, my hand falls from his chin. "It was really hard," he whispers. "She was working with one of the correctional officers at my prison, and he managed to get my FBI file with confidential information in it."

"I'm sorry," I whisper back, placing my hands on his knees. "I'm sure that--"

"And she brought you up," he blurts out. "You're in my file because we've been together for an extended time so you’re required to be in there for protection purposes and she brought up your name and I just-- I like, I freaked out. She spoke so horribly about you. She said terrible things about you to throw me off but she doesn't even know you! How could she say those things?" He rambles on, getting more and more worked up.

"Sweetheart," I keep my voice quiet and calm, "you just said it yourself. She was saying it to throw you off. She doesn't know me. She knows absolutely nothing about me. You surely don't think I'm horrible and terrible and that's all that matters. So ignore what she thinks, okay? She's a psychopath."

Spencer looks up at me with red eyes. "She's pregnant." He states a bit too abruptly. "She told me the baby was mine to try to get me to break.”

My eyes widen. "Excuse me?"

"And she tried to tell me that when Lindsay dosed me in Mexico, that Lindsay, you know--" Spencer gulps, "got my DNA. And Cat tried to tell me that she had Lindsay pose as you to get me in the mood."

"But that's not true. That didn't happen," I shake my head, moving closer to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. Spencer buries his face in my neck, hugging my waist.

"But I have no way of knowing that. I'm still missing time. She still might have tried to do that. Lindsay might have posed as you," Spencer whimpers and that's a sound that will always break my heart.

"Spencer, listen to me," I pull away again and hold his face in my hands with a delicate grasp. "Cat's ass is still in prison. Lindsay's ass is on her way to life in prison. You're out of prison and you're going to be able to live the rest of your life as a free man. And you saved your moms life and you're about to see her. Those women are out of your life forever, okay? I know it's really hard, but you should try to not even think about them," a small smirk comes to my face. "The only woman you should be thinking about is me."

Spencer chuckles lightly, shaking his head. "You're incredible."

I hold my hands out in a shrug, grinning. "Which is why I should be the only woman you have on your mind. And also the only woman you're having babies with. Spence, we'd have the cutest babies."

He laughs again and lets his head fall back against the wall, staring me up and down. "We would have some cute kids, wouldn't we?"

"The absolute cutest! Genius babies who can read eighty thousand books a day while painting a landscape with their right hand and drawing a bowl of fruit with their left hand. And they--"

"They're here!" Penelope exclaims, running out of the bullpen and waving her phone in the air. "Emily just said they parked and they're coming for the elevator!"

Spencer jumps up to his feet without a second thought or hesitation, and with a second thought, he holds out his hand to help me off the floor. And I keep my hold on that hand, squeezing tightly. JJ and Penelope move to either side of us, and when the elevator doors pop open, I feel Spencer's body tense up.

It's obvious that as Diana steps out of the elevator, she doesn't recognize Spencer. She doesn't recognize any of us, even though JJ has visited her many times and I've visited Diana countless times over the years I've been dating Spencer. And so I squeeze his hand tighter but I know that this is not how he wanted this to go. He wanted to just hug his mom and get the physical affection that he didn't really get as a kid. But she isn't lunging at him and now he's starting to tremble in my embrace.

Emily leans over to Diana and whispers, "It's Spencer," and that's all it takes. Diana looks once more at her son before gasping and the moment she does, Spencer releases my hand and throws his arms around her.

It's the most relieved I've seen him since before this entire ordeal, and I can confidently say it's also the most relieved I've been. I see Spencer smile over Diana's shoulder, his eyelids squeezed shut. "Hi, Mom."

The team starts to disperse to give them their space and to relax after the ridiculously long day. I give everyone tight hugs, thanking them for all their hard work and giving half-assed apologies for how horrible I was acting towards them. I know that no apology will excuse how I acted while Spencer was incarcerated, but I have to try, right?

"Amelia," after a while, Diana comes to give me a hug, letting Spencer breathe for just a split second. "It's good to see you, honey."

"It's good to see you too," I hug her waist. "How are you feeling? Is there anything you need?"

Diana glances between the two of us, shaking her head slowly. "I'm just-- I'm tired,"

"Okay, Mom, well, why don't I get you back to my apartment so you can rest?" Spencer suggests, reaching to wrap his arm around her waist to support her weight.

Diana gives me a side-eye and I return her look. "Actually," she says, putting her hand on his shoulder, halting him from walking her towards the elevator, "Amelia and I had something we wanted to talk to you about."

Spencer narrows his eyes at me and when I wave the two along to one of the interview rooms, he doesn't put up a fight. Maybe he's too tired by now, or maybe he's genuinely interested in what we could possibly have to say. But either way, he ushers his mom onto a couch and then stands a few feet away as I fall into an armchair. He glances between the two of us, then crosses his arms protectively over his chest. "What's this about?"

Diana immediately looks to me to explain, clutching the cardigan around her shoulders. "Okay," I breathe out, turning my head to my confused and concerned boyfriend, "it's no secret that a lot of people, me included, were not fond of Diana living at home with you. So while you were away, I spent some time looking at facilities around here that would take Diana in, and there's one that's ten minutes away from here. I called them when you were working and they said that they would be happy to let Diana move in tonight."

"Spencer," Diana reaches for Spencer's hands and he happily gives them to her, "this is going to be good. I've always wanted to be close to you. This way, you can visit me more often and you don't have to spend money on flights and hotels. Maybe I can get out to see one of Amelia's art exhibits. I don't want any more experimental medicine, honey. I wanna be close to you and to be comfortable and to be happy."

Spencer pouts and he starts to tap his foot on the floor. He's nervous, and rightfully so. He's about to give his mom up again, right after she was abducted by a serial killer team. He looks from his mom to me, then back to his mom, and then to me again. "Did you go to the facility?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Me, Diana, and Cassie went a while ago and we all liked it," I tell him. "She'll be a ten minute drive and a six minute train ride away instead of a five hour plane ride. You can see her every single day if you wanted to."

"And," Diana grins, glancing between us, "when you two get married and have babies, I'll be right here to help you with it."

Spencer lets out a shaky breath, nodding his head hesitantly. "Okay. Let's go."

///

Spencer and I wave goodbye at Diana and then go heading off to my car, hopping in and I start the ignition. I let out a loud yawn, covering my mouth as I buckle my seatbelt. I feel Spencer's hand in my hair and it makes me smile, and as the ridiculously long day comes to a close, I find myself more and more excited to crawl into bed. And then upon further thought, I get even more excited to crawl into bed with Spencer at my side.

"Do you want me to drive?" Spencer asks, dragging his hand to my jawline. "You look exhausted."

"Oh, you should see yourself, bub," I quip, turning on my headlights. "I'll be fine. It's just a ten minute drive back home."

"Hey, wait," Spencer says, reaching for my hand on the wheel. I turn my head to him, smiling tiredly. "Um," he returns my tired smile, "I just wanted to say thank you for doing this. For, you know, finding a facility for my mom. It means a lot to me to know that you care so much about her."

"She's your mom, Spencer. Of course I care about her. I just wanted to help out and make everyone's lives easier," I shrug gently.

"And also," Spencer drops his voice to a whisper and looks down at his voice, "I wanted to thank you for not abandoning me. I don't-- well, I don't have a lot of people in my life and people have a habit of leaving me after they've been around me for a while. But you've stuck with me through the craziness with my mom and through my arrest and through prison when I'm sure there's plenty of guys who are banging down your door and you could--"

"Oh god," I grimace at the thought. "Dr. Reid, I don't wanna be with anyone else but you. I thought I made that clear before. Remember? Sitting in the hallway? We're getting married and having babies, remember? You're my first and only boyfriend and I don't want any other asshole guy who's gonna swoop in and think they're a Know It All. Why would I want a fake Know It All when I have the read deal Know It All right here?"

Spencer chuckles and he turns his hand to intertwine our fingers. "Thank you for waiting for me. And thank you for even coming to the prison. JJ said you were a bit too scared to come in so I appreciate you coming at all."

I choose not to comment about that. It's not the time to talk about this. It's not the time and not the place. We're exhausted and Spencer is fragile and while he needs to eventually talk to someone about his time in prison, it probably shouldn't be me and it probably shouldn't be at 3 am in a parking lot.

"I'll always be waiting for you," I smile in an attempt to move on from that topic of conversation, and when my phone buzzes in my pocket, I quickly pull it out to find Penelope calling me. I just miss the call and see that she already called me three times. "Oh, that's weird."

"Call her back," Spencer says, leaning over my shoulder. "And put it on speaker."

I dial Penelope's number and put my phone on speaker. She picks up after only half a dial tone. "Thank god!" She exclaims. "I feel like I've been calling you for my entire life!"

"My phone was in my pocket, sorry. What's up? Is everything okay?"

"No!" She shouts, and just her sharp tone of voice makes me panicky. "Are you with Reid?"

"I'm right here. On speaker. Garcia, what's going on? Is the team okay? Is it Lindsay or Cat?"

Penelope goes on the explain how Morgan got a text from Penelope about a safe house Spencer was supposed to stay at. It was all completely fake and due to Penelope's super skills, she figured out that her phone number was duplicated by none other than Mr. Scratch himself.

"The team drove out there but it was a trap!"

"Scratch's traps have traps, Garcia, we know that. They should've been prepared. Are they okay?" Spencer's voice gets louder as he gets more nervous.

"Not really. The house wasn't rigged. The street on the way was. There were road spikes and he was watching for when they came. And after they hit the spikes, a truck came and hit them. They all have to go to the hospital. Luke is okay and he's driving me to the hospital right now, and Matt Simmons is here too. But Tara's in shock, Rossi hurt his leg, JJ has glass in her forehead, Emily dislocated her shoulder, and Stephen is-- he's--"

Spencer and I exchange a downcast look as we understand what she can't say. Stephen is dead and it's all Scratch's fault. This man has been terrorizing this team for years and now he's killed a member of their team.

"Okay, Penelope," Spencer murmurs, "we're on our way to the hospital now. Keep us updated." Despite the fact that my phone is in my hand, Spencer hangs it up. He takes it from me and places it into the cup holder, then replaces my phone with his hand. "Amelia," he whispers, "do you want me to drive?"

Silently, I nod. I climb out of the driver’s side and practically waddle to the passenger side, sinking into the seat that Spencer was just in. He starts the engine and drives off, calmer and gentler than I had imagined he would be.

"I'm sorry," Spencer eventually breaks the thick silence, glancing over at me. "I know you liked Stephen and I'm sure you guys got really close the last few months."

My head slowly swivels to him, and I find that, as he should be, he's not looking at me. His eyes are locked on the road and focusing extra hard since it's the middle of the night. But I'd rather have it that way right now. "I'm--" I hesitate before I speak, but I know that now I've opened my mouth, I've sealed my fate, "I'm a horrible person."

I see Spencer furrow his eyebrows. "Huh?"

"I'm a bad person, Spencer, because I'm only kinda upset that Stephen is dead. I'm upset because--" I hiccup, my eyes widening as I try to speak. "Every time I see a dead cop or a dead agent, all I think about is how that could've been you. That dead agent could've been my boyfriend, dead in the field and I'd have to be the one called in to identify his body. I can't imagine how Monica and her kids are going to feel but I just always think about how I'd feel if I was woken up by that call that you were killed in the field.”

"You won't," Spencer answers with a stubborn shake of his head. "I'm careful in the field. I don't want you to worry about me, Lia. I’m gonna be fine.”

///

I can't remember spending much time in emergency rooms. But in the time that I have, they were never this chaotic. There are people everywhere and I'm surprised it's this busy on a Wednesday-into-Thursday at 4 am. But Spencer grabs my hand and takes charge, marching right up to a doctor and demanding he knows where the Behavioral Analysis Unit agents are. And I have to admit, despite how distressed I am, he looks incredibly sexy taking charge like that. But the doctor answered him and pointed to a certain section for the BAU.

"Amelia," JJ sighs of relief as she sees me, reaching a hand out and I quickly grab it, giving her the support she's looking for, "thank you for coming. I'm sure you're so tired--"

"Shh, shh, stop, don't worry about me," I coo, taking on her usual role of the mother figure. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"Um," a few tears fall down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away, "I haven't called Will yet and--"

"I did that in the car on the way over here, don't worry. He's on his way over," I tell her, fixing the wrapping on her ice pack so it isn't falling off anymore. JJ nods, relieved, and relaxes more into my touch. "Me and Spencer are both here so if you need anything, you just ask either of us, okay? Don't hesitate."

JJ nods, wrapping her free arm around my waist to give me an awkward side hug. "Thank you so much. Go check on everyone else. Emily is right over there and Rossi is refusing treatment, I think."

"Okay, I'll check on you later," I give her one more smile before heading off towards Emily's gurney. She's laying down and her shoulder is covered by a pile of dressings and her face is full of little cuts and bruises. Her eyes widen when she sees me and she reaches her uninjured arm for me. "Hi, Em. Do you need anything? Are you okay?"

"Amelia," Emily chokes out, and just from the way she speaks, I can see that she's in an intense amount of pain. "You should--" she hisses in pain, "should take Reid and go home. He deserves to go home and so do you. You're both exhausted and just got out of prison and you're--"

"We're here to help, Emily. We're not going anywhere until we know you guys are okay," I adjust the ice pack that's on her head and her eyelids flutter, and as badly as I do wish I could take Spencer home, I know that we need to be here to help everyone.

"Go help Rossi. He's being a little bitch about this," Emily responds, making me laugh. "I've got more balls than him. I'm fine. Go."

I laugh at Emily, shaking my head at her stubbornness, but nod nonetheless. I turn on my heel and start to head towards Rossi's little room but before I can get there, I run right into Spencer and Luke.

"Is Dave okay?" I ask, glancing between the two men who tower over me. "JJ and Emily are beat up but they're pushing through."

"Rossi needs us to go back to the BAU to get something for him," Luke says, holding up his car keys. "Me and Reid are heading back now."

My head snaps over to Spencer, eyes widened. Of course, I should have expected this. Why did I think that we would just show up here to help Spencer's teammates and not expect him to get roped into some kind of work? It was a stupid expectation, to be honest. Almost the entire team is down and Scratch is clearly very close to them. They need all hands on deck.

I just nod slowly, letting out a sigh. "Okay. Just be careful, please. Be really, really careful."

"We will be," Spencer nods back at me. He turns to leave, but before he can leave, I grab his wrist. "Amelia," he swivels his head, "we need to go."

"Just," I hold out my pinky, "humor me."

Spencer smiles softly, wrapping his pinky around mine. "We're just going back to the BAU. We're gonna be fine."

"Please let me know when you get there. And if you leave the building," I squeeze his pinky in mine before releasing him completely, waving him away with Luke. And so, I'm left with four injured FBI agents after an attack from an escaped serial killer, and a boyfriend who clearly has PTSD and hasn't slept or eaten in almost two days. I sigh, turning to look in Dave's room, then at JJ and Emily. "Great. Just great."

///

"Will just got here?" Emily asks, adjusting the strap of her sling, her arm now popped into its socket.

"Yeah, he's with JJ now. I think they said they were gonna--" I'm cut off when my phone starts ringing in my pocket. How is this thing not dead yet? I see that Penelope is calling and I swear, for a moment, I don't even want to pick up. She never has anything good to say. "Hi, P. How's it going?"

"H--Hi," she stumbles over her words, sounding a bit distant. "So, um, I'm at the BAU with Matt Simmons and Spencer is here too and Luke went to get Monica, but, um, I think you should come here."

Emily can hear my phone and she gives me a confused look, which I immediately return to her. "Why? Is Spencer okay?"

"He's just--" Penelope pauses. "We all got to work when we got back and he took on a lot of work and then he kicked me and Matt out of the conference room so he could be alone because he said he couldn't focus and he's just getting really frustrated and he looks so angry and-- Amelia, I feel like you're the only one who can bring him down to Earth."

Emily nods in agreement, gesturing towards the door as if to tell me to go. I feel bad leaving the team in the hospital without anyone to help them, someone who's not a nurse, but Spencer is my main priority right now. So I tell Penelope that I'll be there as soon as possible and go rushing out of the hospital and out to my car for the millionth time today.

///

The elevator doors open and the first thing I notice is how quiet the sixth floor seems. I'm so used to it bustling with people who have agendas and schedules and meetings. But now it's the middle of the night and everyone is home resting, where I wish I could be with my boyfriend.

I pull open the glass doors and find Penelope working on a desk with a man beside her, someone I've never seen before. She looks up when I enter, sighing a breath of relief. "Thank god you're here," she gestures towards the conference room where Spencer is furiously pacing and is clearly talking to himself, waving his hands back and forth. "He's only gotten more worked up since I called you."

"You're Amelia?" the man steps forward, holding his hand out. "I'm Matt Simmons."

"Yeah, Amelia," I nod, shaking his hand politely with a tight smile. "I'm Spencer's girlfriend. I believe I've heard him mention in the past before actually. You have four kids, right? Bless your--"

I'm completely cut off by a loud banging, and the three of us look up in time to see Spencer hurling a book at the glass panel in the conference room. There isn't even a moment of hesitation before we're rushing towards him, pushing open the door and approaching him.

"B-CAP," Spencer states, his hands digging into his eyes. He starts rattling off something about what this plant is, where it's from, and how to find it. Matt responds and Spencer nods, and there's no chance I'll understand what they're talking about, but that's not my main focus. Spencer drops his hands from his eyes and then glances between the three of us. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You," Penelope whispers, "you throw a book at a window. It was jarring."

"Yeah, well," Spencer scoffs, turning his back to us, "it took me thirty minutes to deduce what should have taken me thirty seconds. And if Scratch gets away and more people die because of it, then I'll be throwing a lot more than books," He leans his hands against the conference table and hangs his head, taking labored breaths.

I quickly usher Penelope and Matt out of the room, closing the door behind them. Penelope gives me a concerned look over her shoulder but I just give her a smile in return. Nothing can provide comfort right now, but I'm really trying.

Spencer hasn't moved when I turn back to him so I creep forward and reach for his waist. The moment my fingers make contact with his body, he completely jumps out of his skin and cowers away from me, as if he hadn't even realized it was me touching him.

I retract my hands as he backs away from me, holding them up in the air so he can see there's no foul play going on. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I apologize quickly. "I just-- I just wanted to help. I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd--"

"I can't let him get away!" Spencer is shouting again, waving his hands around frantically. "He's been getting away for too long! He's so close and I can let him--"

"Dove, I know it's hard," I step closer to him and when he doesn't cower away again, I move closer again. "I know you wanna catch Scratch and you absolutely will. But you need to rest. You haven't slept in who knows how long, you haven't eaten, you haven't showered, you haven't changed your clothes. You--" I let out a breath and just gently hold my hands out to him in the hopes that he'll grab them, and when he doesn't, I keep them there as a silent, continuous invitation, "you're a little burnt out, Spence. I know you wanna work and that you wanna help your team, and I admire you for that, but--"

"Rossi reinstated me," he tells me stubbornly, a switch flipping him back to seriousness and away from fear as he walks back over to the whiteboard. "In the hospital, he said I'm fully reinstated for right now and that I need to help out. I'm doing what he asked."

"Spencer," I snap, crossing my arms over my chest, "Rossi was fucking delirious. JJ told me that he told you to get tickets for a baseball game."

"It was code," Spencer retorts, picking up the book from the floor like it wasn’t the object he took his aggression out on and starting to read. "I'm not stopping."

"Fine," I give up, marching over to him, taking the book out of his hands and putting it aside, "keep working then, but I'm not leaving."

Spencer's face solidifies and he gets serious again. "You should leave. You haven't slept or eaten either and--"

"I'm not leaving until you leave. So I'm gonna get on this fucking table and go to sleep and you can join me if you'd like. But I'm not leaving you, Spencer, I told you that. I'm not abandoning you," and with that, I strip off my coat and climb on top of the conference room table, balling up the coat like a pillow and laying down. And with the crazy events of the day, I fall asleep right away, despite being on a table and despite having my unhinged boyfriend in the same room.

When I eventually wake up again, I'm in a different room. I'm not laying on a hard table but instead, I'm in an interview room on a couch. It takes me a moment to get used to my surroundings, but when I do I realize that I'm covered by Spencer's suit jacket and that my hand is clutching his sobriety medallion.

His absence quickly dawns on me and I gasp, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I search for my phone to check the time and realize it's not on me so I stumble out of the interview room and towards Penelope's office. But before I can even get there, I find her wandering towards the elevators with her heels in her hand and her phones in her other.

"Amelia! You're awake!" She exclaims, grinning. "Come! The team is just coming up."

"What did I miss? What happened? Where's Spencer?" I ramble on tiredly as she drags me away.

"We got a hit on where Scratch was. Spencer, Luke, Matt, Emily, and JJ all went to the warehouse that he was at. They're coming back," she says as we pause in front of the elevators.

"Did they get Scratch?" It wasn't a necessary question. Penelope would have led with that information if it were true. I knew they wouldn't have captured Scratch. It's too easy. She doesn't answer.

The elevator doors open and the team files out in their kevlars with their guns on their hips, and Spencer comes out last. He gives me a tiny smile, his hands tucked in his pockets. He doesn't even make an effort to hug me when he approaches me, just stands close enough that I can feel his breath on me.

"Don't you ever," I sneer, pointing my finger at him, "leave to chase a serial killer without telling me. Don't you ever do that again."

Spencer nods shamefully, chewing his bottom lip. "You were so tired that I thought I could get there and back without you waking up. I almost did."

I breathe in a long breath, shaking my head. "You were close. I woke up two minutes ago," Spencer nods in response, staring down at the floor. Everyone is walking away now, discarding their vests and guns and reaching for their car keys. "Can--" I gulp, "can I hug you?"

Spencer nods and pulls his hands out of his pockets, sliding them around my back and pulling my body flush against his. I hug his waist tight, and despite the harsh lines of the kevlar, I melt into his embrace and close my eyes. Spencer rests his head on the top of mine, starting to hiccup as tears stream down his cheeks. "Amelia?"

"Yes, my dove?" I quip in response.

"Can you bring me home now?"

I let out a breath. A breath that releases all the bad energy and all the horrible events of the past few months. Because even though Scratch has escaped, the BAU will catch him, there's no doubt of that. But my Spencer is coming home finally, and he's here to stay.

"It would be my absolute pleasure."

TAGLIST

@babybloodstonebones @bxnnywriting @blameitonthenight21 @feralreid @anepiphany @reidscardigan @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @4x24 @whollytaciturn @thegingerfairchild @yasminwashere @shrimpyblog @anamelessfacelessnerd @wonderlandhatter @whxt-to-write @inkandexchange @just-call-me-non

#nikos north fic #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dr reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x oc

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simpforsnape · 4 years ago

Text

Sincerely Yours.

Severus Snape x OC/Reader

wordcount: 2349

Warnings: none, minor errors.

Pervious - Next

Chapter 6

Many days passed after the encounter between Severus and Anahstacia. The conversations between the two were always short. Since the duel, Anah kept her promise to him. She bothered the hell out of him, but only to an extent.

Severus on the other hand loathed her since then. Every time he'd turn the corner there she was. At first, it was irking, until he realized how much he'd enjoyed it.

Anah stood in front of her magical mirror as she finished dressing for the day. It was the weekend, and classes weren't in session. So that meant a free day for the students, but for Anah, she had a lot of work to do. When she glanced at the mirror once again her appearance remained the same. She let out a loud sigh leaving her chambers to head to her classroom.

On the walk to the Transfiguration classroom, She encountered a few students. Of course, being the liked teacher she is, she greeted them all. Before reaching the room she noticed Harry standing at her door. He looked lost.

She approached him with her eyebrow shrugging in the process.

“Harry?” Anah questioned as the teenage boy quickly turned to greet her.

”Professor V..” he replied calmly.

“What can I do for you darling?” She asked while entering the classroom ushering him to come inside. He followed after her while the door remained open. She helped herself to her desk now eyeing the young boy who only stood there in front of her. From the looks of it, he seemed uneasy. Like he'd seen a ghost or something. Anah motioned him to sit. Her hands were rested on her lap, now waiting for him to speak.

"I've come to check on you.." He confessed with a serious face. Anah only smirked. "Check on me? Why is that love?"

Harry turned his head before rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, there's a rumor about you and Professor Snape.. and since you're my favorite teacher... I just cannot understand why you would take a liking to that man.."

His words were clear to Anah. She merely shrugged her shoulders. She grabbed the large stack of papers that were on the desk putting them in the center. "I've told you before Harry, Severus and I go back. Back before you were born.." She made her remark not bothering to look up at him. He got the feeling that the subject needed to be changed.

Instead, he talked about the upcoming Quidditch game between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. She was glad to interject. The conversation lasted for nearly an hour and the bond between the two only strengthened.

"You know, I haven't seen you with your friends. Hermione and Ron? Where are they?" She asked taking a moment to give her hand a rest from her grading. While Harry was there why not give him something to do by helping her? He only sighed while quill in his hand continued to move.

"They're on the field trip to Hogsmeade..." Anah looked up, resting back in the large chair. "You didn't have a signed formed?"

He shook his head giving her the now graded forms.

"I wouldn't stress it darling, think of it as a break from everyone else, You know?" She smiled trying to ease the tension.

"Professor V!" called a random student as they rushed into the classroom.

Anah's head shot up as she saw them.

"Yes? What is it?"

"There's a fight happening in the Clocktower courtyard!" The student endorsed, fleeing in a flash.

Not a second wasted, Anah along with Harry rushed to the courtyard.

She sped down the halls of Hogwarts arriving soon after. There was a small crowd that was formed. The students were surrounding two girls who had seemed to be Slytherins. “Break it up, ladies!” Anah announced quickly moving in between the two.

”You filthy bitch! You stay away from my Gabriel!-“

”Enough!” Anah’s voice overpowered the two students. She made the two back away from each other trying to cease the tension. Turns out the fight was over a boy, typical.

“For the lack of respect and clear violence.. 20 points will be taken from Slytherin. Now both of you go.” One of the girls still had the ambition to fight. With the girls back turned along with Anah’s, the student pulled out her wand ready to cast a spell.

”Everte Statum!”

Sadly the wand was pointed at the wrong person. The next thing the small crowd saw was Professors V’s body being flipped in the air. She fell back down hitting her head in the process. Gasps echoed throughout the yard after witnessing what transpired.

”What did you just do!?” Harry yelled rushing over to the Professor to awake her. There was no response. She was knocked out cold.

“What’s going on here?” All attention went to the Headmaster, Dumbledore who was accompanied by Professor McGonagall and of course Professor Snape. There was a silence that filled amongst the teachers as their eyes soon fell upon Anah.

“My Goodness!” McGonagall expressed while she rushed over to the young witch.

Severus didn’t let his emotions show on his face, but he was bothered by Anah’s well being. But why? He walked over to his unconscious associate before reaching down to check her pulse.

”She has a pulse.” He reported to the Headmaster.

”Well, What happened?! Explain yourselves!” uttered the Headmaster as he eyed the two young Slytherin girls, Jenna and Rachel.

”It was an accident! She was in the way!” Jenna shouted out of pure anger still on about the whole incident.

”She may have been in the way, Though it is clearly stated in the rules about using spells on teachers..” Dumbledore spoke hastily towards the young students. He then turned to Severus who was still looking down at Anah.

“Severus, since the two are under your house. They are your responsibility. As for the rest of you, off you go.” All students except for the two that caused the whole occurrence left. Harry took notice of Snapes actions towards Anah. The rumors had to have been true now.

And like that the students were gone.

”We must take her to Madame Pomfrey this instant!” McGonagall expressed as Severus turned to look at the two students who still stood there. His expression was darker than usual. The young Slytherins were fully aware of this.

”I will deal with both of you later.” His tone was cold and harsh. It was hard to read his face at times, but from the looks of it, he was angry and... worried? They were sent on their way only in horror to await their punishment.

The old Wizard turned his head. He saw Severus hovering over the professor's body.

”Severus-” The Headmaster uttered.

”I will take her to Madame Pomfrey.” He interrupted Dumbledore. His gestures were slow. He reached to grab Anah picking her up slowly as he held her in his arms. Her neck was supported by his hand as he did his best not to let it dangle. Her body was close to him as he peered down at the woman whom he thought he used to love. She wasn't light like a feather, but she was still easy to carry.

The teachers then headed off to the hospital wing.

The walk to the wing was relatively quick.

Once they arrived, she was placed on the nearest bed and was quickly attended to.

”We shall leave you to it Madame Pomfrey.” Dumbledore announced as he turned to look at the other two professors. The students would be arriving from Hogsmeade by now. Both Dumbledore and McGonagall were about to leave until they noticed Severus still standing by the bed Anahtacia was placed on.

”Coming Severus?” Asked the obsolete wizard. Severus didn't turn to look at him. His eyes were still on her.

”I will stay here. Until she awakes..” His answer was thorough. A smiled peered on the Elder Wizard as he left along with McGonagall.

Madame Pomfrey adjusted Anah’s head, glancing over at the Professor in all black.

”Is she.. alright?..”

”She will be fine, She’s just merely asleep. I say give her a few hours and she will wake.” The nurse addressed the comment to the man as she then dismissed herself from him, going about her business to tending to the others.

Severus couldn't find the words he needed to express how he felt. Why was he behaving like this? Especially towards her? Did he still... Love her? No, who would love a man like him? She would and did. His eyes wandered down at the woman until they were locked on her face. Severus was never the man to show is Emotions but around her.. He was able to put his guard down, be himself. Every time he'd laid eyes on the woman, his heart would plunge. Maybe he still yearned for her.

Perhaps so.

His thoughts carried on as he went off to find a potion that would wake her up faster. Boy did he already miss her pestering voice..

Not too many hours passed, Anah was awake and fine. Madame Pomfrey told her about the whole Severus situation. It surprised her, out of all people it would be him. She also mentioned the potion he made for her, allowing her to wake up faster. Again, she was stunned by his kind gestures. It was always rare for him to just whip up a potion for anyone.

When Anah saw the time, it was supper and everyone must have been at the Great Hall. She collected herself before wandering back to her chambers. There was a headache that ached in the back of her head. It was quite bothersome. When she arrived at the room she noticed a small bottle that was set against the door.

Another potion.

There was a small note that was attached to it.

”Drink this before bed. It will help.”

A smiled peered on her face as she noticed the neat but yet sluggish handwriting. Him again.

”Maybe I should keep this up?” She mumbled to herself. She did enjoy his attention after all.

The liquid was quickly consumed. It had a horrid after taste. She merely gaged. But she knew she could trust Severus when it came to potions.

Once she was finally inside Anah changed into a fresh pair of clothes. After all, she did have a long day... Sleeping at least. While dressing, her eyes focused on a picture that was settled on her nightstand. It was of a little girl, she looked about nineish ten. She had curly long black hair, that was propped up into two pigtails. She had beautiful brown eyes. In the picture, she was smiling, and about two of the child's teeth was missing. Yet her smile, just looking at it made Anah’s day.

Her smile faded as a sigh escaped from her lips. If only she was given a chance to finally meet her.

Anah left her chambers and headed straight to the Grand Hall. Surly she was missed.

When she arrived she came from the back that led straight to the high table. She made her way to her seat swiftly playing everything off. She was greeted by a few teachers who've noticed her absence. When she glanced down the table, she realized that Remus was nowhere to be found. Was it a full moon?

She sat back into her chair giving off a gentle sigh.

”Is something.. Bothering you?..” voiced Severus who was sitting next to her. He was eating at a slow pace.

”Oh no, It was just a long day. That's all..” She replied taking a sip of her freshly poured drink.

”You've slept the majority of it.” He shot back causing her to smirk.

”That wasn't my fault you see... Two girls from your house caused this..”

”You know never to jump in the middle of a fight Anah.” His tone was the same. She shrugged her shoulders taking yet another sip of the drink.

”Anyways, I wanted to say.. Thank you. For the potions you've made for me.”

He didn't look at her.

”Don’t mention it..”

She smiled while setting the drink down.

"Did you miss me at least?"

He shuddered at the comment before turning to give her a look.

That should have answered her question. He did.

The evening carried on as usual. The students were all dismissed to their dormitories afterwards. All teachers were patrolling until everyone was in their respected places.

Anah stood near the end of the Ravenclaws steps, watching as her house marched up the million staircases.

Before the last student was able to disappear an intercom came on. Dumbledores voice then filled the halls of Hogwarts.

”All student and staff are required to rejoin Great Hall Immediately.” His tone was the same but from the sounds of it. This must have been urgent.

Anah looks up to see the changed students now rushing down the enteral stairs in pure panic.

”Professor V!? What’s going on?!” A random student shouted out having her full attention.

”I have the slightest idea, now please hurry children. Something must have happened”

Once every Ravenclaw student was front and center in front of Anah, she led them all to the Great Hall.

On the walk there The Professor noticed everything that was happening. Hogwarts was going on lockdown.

All students arrived shortly after. Dumbledore explained that Sirius Black was in Hogwarts. No one is sure how he was able to get in.

”All students will stay in the Great Hall until the Castle is fully searched. Severus, Flich, Minerva and Anahstacia. I want the grounds of Hogwarts searched thoroughly. I will stay here and watch over the children until then.”

That was only the first wave of staff.

Anah agreed on searching the west wing since the Ravenclaws house was there.

She left the Great Hall withdrawing her wand along the way.

Tonight was going to be a long night after all.

#harry potter #severus snape #snape fandom #pro snape #snape #snape fic #hogwarts #severus snape x oc/reader #severus x oc #severus snape x oc/ravenclaw reader #severus snape x ravenclaw reader #professor snape #snape x oc #albus dumbledore #minevra mcgonagall

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lavenderek · 4 years ago

Note

So this may be dumb on my part for lacking reading comprehension so feel free to ignore of but um why is Derek so against them having another kid in dyk? Again sorry if I missed it

it's fine if you missed it, he kind of goes into it but maybe he doesn't say it explicitly.

short version, he basically feels a bit overwhelmed taking care of two, and that made him a little reactionary to stiles considering more than two. they were communicating in ways that conflicted. they probably could have benefitted from a relationship counselor. but they ultimately worked it out themselves.

long version, derek felt that he wasn't getting the support he needed, but he wasn't expressing that. he was just getting angry and not properly explaining why. he was pointing out the difficult things that were happening (Kid A does x, Kid B does y), assuming stiles wasn't taking that into account as reasons that a third kid would be difficult.

stiles took the anger at face value and felt that derek was bitter about having children at all. he perceived derek pointing out the difficult things as derek believing stiles didn't know they were happening. the assumption that he was ignorant to what his own children were up to made him mad. the implication that stiles wasn't helping out at all, also made him mad. and above all, he was feeling sick and overwhelmed himself.

their compromise was for stiles to work less hours at the bookstore and take on more of a managerial role like jenna does, because the way he was balancing his time wasn't working for derek; and for derek to acknowledge his own emotional problems, because no one is 100% self sufficient and stiles can't read minds.

this will be an ongoing effort on derek's part because he carries a lot of shame. he mentions at some point in the fic that being like, "i need help because x makes me anxious" feels childish and embarrassing to him. stiles, however, is experienced with anxiety attacks and panic attacks; he just sees derek as being stoic and long suffering in general, so the idea that derek would need help was foreign to him. trying to be more perceptive of what derek is going through is what he will be working on.

stiles and derek are both judgmental and argumentative in their own ways; and that's partly why i think they work so well together. but that doesn't always have its place in navigating around a family.

does that make sense?

#haters #who is this even #dyk

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myhockeyworld87 · 5 years ago

Text

Nervous Regrets - Tyler Seguin - Part 31

Word Count: 3,896

POV: Reader

Warning: Child birth and things that go along with it.

Notes: Sorry to leave you guys on the cliff hanger, but thanks for hanging in there with me while I finished this up. I hope everyone is having a Happy Easter! As always feedback it welcome.

Nervous Regrets Masterlist

You couldn't catch your breath, and it felt like your heart was literally in your throat as you sat there waiting to hear your newborn son cry. It was like your life was playing out in slow motion. You gripped Tyler's hand even harder than you had while in labor as you asked yet again. "Why isn't he crying? Is he breathing?" One of the paramedics moved and grabbed something out of the bag, though you couldn't see anything through the tears streaming down your face. Jenna's hands were cupped over her face, so you couldn't tell what she was thinking, and as you peered over at Tyler he was crying just as hard as you were. All you could do was sit there and pray, and so you did. God, please let my baby be ok. You repeated the phrase over and over, for what seemed like hours, but was probably only seconds.

And then you heard it, a soft little wail that turned into a full out scream; and you'd never been so thankful to hear anything in your life. You felt Tyler let out a breath, and you realized you should do the same. "Is he ok?" They were Tyler's words, but you wanted to say them as well.

"He just fine. We had to get some fluid out of his lungs first." The paramedic finally answered. "You came out a little fast, huh buddy?" He said to the baby as he now turned back to you, with your newborn in his arms. "Mr. Seguin, would you like to cut the cord?"

"I…umm…yeah if that's ok?" It was something he'd always planned on doing, but with how your birth had gone, you could see his hesitance.

"Yes, he's fine." The other EMT clamped off the cord then handed a pair of scissor-like utensils for Tyler to use. His hands were shaking from the emotion of it all. The whole process took less than a minute, and suddenly the baby was no longer a part of you. A weird combination of joy and sadness took over your body; for as long as you lived you'd never be able to describe the feeling to anyone.

"Can I hold him?" You were shaking, from everything that you'd just been through, but also from the anticipation of holding your baby.

"Of course," and he handed him off to you wrapped up in one of your bath towels.

He was still crying but you were forever grateful for the sound, as you peered down into his little face, all scrunched up. Tyler was right there, his hand going underneath yours to support both you and the baby. "Shhh, it's ok sweetie, mommy's here." You leaned down and kissed his little face. He was so precious. As his cries settled, you started to notice his coloring. He was a bit purplish-blue and you looked up at the EMT and asked. "Are you sure he's ok?"

"He'll still need the standard tests done when we get to the hospital, but his lungs are clear now and his heart rate is good. He should pink up in a few minutes."

"He's so beautiful, (Y/N)" Tyler said leaning down as the baby opened his eyes wide to take everything in. "Hi buddy, it's daddy, remember me? I'm the one who talked to you all the time." His large finger traced the fine skin of the baby's cheek. "You sure gave us a scare. Let's not do that anymore ok?" That's when you felt the wetness of Tyler's tears drop on to you. He's been so strong for you during labor, but you could see him breaking now that your little one was finally here. It was as if he needed to know everything with the newborn was fine as well.

"Here Ty, hold him." He looked at you with questioning eyes.

"Are you sure?" He knew you didn't want to let the baby out of your arms, but you knew he needed this too. So you shook your head, yes and handed the little bundle off. Your son looked so small in his father's arms, and you swore your heart swelled with how much love you saw there in Tyler's eyes. He was gazing adoringly at his little boy and you'd never seen anything more precious in your life.

The moment was broken by the paramedic's voice, "Mrs. Seguin I need to get some of your vitals, really quick and then see if we can get you to the deliver the placenta. Is that ok?" You really wanted to hold your baby again, but since he was in Tyler's arms, and you knew this was something that had to be done, you told him yes. It didn't take too long for the afterbirth to leave your body, and thankful you hardly felt anything. Tyler gave the baby back to you afterward, and your world felt right with your little one in your arms. "So how about we get you all to the hospital and checked out."

Before you could even think about answering, Tyler was already talking. "I think that's a good idea. I want both you and our son checked to make sure you're both ok."

"Ty, I'm fine." You truly meant that, but you wouldn't be upset with the baby being looked at.

He kissed your head, pulling both you and the baby into his side. "I'd feel better if I heard the doctor say that. I'm not taking any more chance with you two." You nodded, knowing that this morning had been crazy and scary; and that this was probably the sane thing to do. The paramedics brought in a gurney that you got on, never once letting go of the baby.

"As soon as we get this place cleaned up, we'll head over to the hospital," Jenna stated as they started to wheel you out of the house. It was hard to believe but in all the craziness, you'd forgotten what a reassuring presence your best friends being there was. She snuck over and kissed the baby on the forehead. "Bye sweet boy, Auntie Jenna will see you soon."

You started to cry again, as you looked up at your best friend smiling down at your little boy. "Thank you for everything, Jenna. I don't think I could've done this without you."

She grabbed your free hand and squeezed it hard. "I'll always be there for you." Jamie came up behind her then, stealing his first peek of the baby.

"I have to say, he's really adorable. You sure he's Seggy's?"

Tyler came out of the bedroom, with the bag you'd packed for both of you, along with the diaper bag you had for the baby. "Watch it Chubbs."

"What? I'm just pointing out that he definitely got all his looks from his mom."

"Well, that, I can't disagree with." He dropped a kiss on the baby, then looked at Jamie. "Would you mind bringing the Landie to the hospital? The car carrier is in the back already."

"Sure no problem." As soon as everything was settled you headed off in the ambulance to the hospital. Your doctor was waiting for you and after a quick check, they had you in a room where both you and Tyler could do a little skin to skin contact with the baby. Seeing your husband reclining in the chair next to you with the baby on his naked chest did things to you, that you weren't sure your heart could handle. The tattoo on his chest was just peeking out from underneath the blanket that was draped over the baby, and his eyes were hooded as he kept glancing down at the tiny little form sleeping on him. It was a moment you couldn't help but capture on your phone; a memory you never wanted to forget.

They stayed like that for a while, just father and son bonding in the early moments of the newborn's life. "I think you better take him back." You'd held him first, but he'd been on Tyler's chest for a good thirty minutes or longer. You didn't want to take any time away from them.

"It's ok. You should have some time with him."

"Oh, it's not that. I think he's gonna want you soon. His little mouth is doing this sucking thing, that's cute as hell, but I don't have what he needs." Of course, Tyler had to make a little sucking face as well, which just made you want to kiss him.

Tyler handed him over and you put him in a cradling position, then took your breast and offered the baby your nipple. It was completely awkward at first, for it seemed he didn't want to latch on, plus it didn't help that Tyler was standing over top of you waiting to watch the little guy feed for the first time. Taking your index finger, you rubbed the baby's little cheek; the gentle motion had him sucking on your nipple in no time. His little lips puckered out and a soft little swallowing sound emitted from him. "I think he's doing it."

"I had no doubt. He is my son after all."

"Ty!" You said a little bit louder than you should have and it startled the baby, causing him to stop feeding momentarily, but he picked back up right away. Tyler sat down on the bed beside you stroking your newborn's soft downy hair as he continued to eat.

"You know babe, we really need a name for this little man." You two had yet to decide upon names, but then you thought you had another three weeks yet.

"I've actually been thinking of one that I really like."

"Well spill it, babe."

"I was thinking we could name him Jace." You see him testing the name in his mind. "Hear me out, before you say anything. You know I want him to have your middle name, but ever since that time you were talking about getting the baby's name tattooed on; I started thinking about your passion and strength tattoo. Obviously, we're not using the words you have tattooed on already" His brows furrowed together trying to decide where you were going. "But they're for your Greek heritage, so I was thinking of a Greek name. Well, Jace, means healer in Greek, and well, it just got me thinking that this little guy has been our healer. He brought us back together Ty and helped heal our relationship. I just feel like he's our little healer."

"Jace Tyler Seguin, huh?" He looked down at the baby as he tested the name out loud this time. "I love it, babe. You're right he is our little healer, without him I don't know if I'd have you right now and well…" He got choked up and took a minute to clear his throat. "I just can't imagine my world without the two of you in it right now." Your emotions were so high, that when he said that, you just started to cry again; for you felt the exact same way. Just then little Jace stopped feeding and opened his eyes to look at his mom and dad. "Hi Jace, did you wake up cause you like your name? I think you do." Tyler was using his cute little baby voice to talk to your son just like he talked to the dogs every now and then. You moved the baby over to your other breast and he began eating again, lulling himself back to sleep easily.

It was a few more minutes before a nurse came in interrupting your alone time. "Oh good, it looks like someone is hungry. How's he doing mom?"

"Pretty good, I just switched him. Takes him a minute at first but then he latches on like a champ."

"Oh that's so good to hear, sounds like he's a natural. Well as soon as he's done there, we'd like to take him for a couple of tests, Dad, if you want to come with that, would be great. The doctor will be in shortly too to finish up some stuff with you (Y/N)." You knew that meant she was coming in to sew you up from when you tore during labor and you were glad Tyler would be gone for that part.

It was a little less than an hour later when Tyler and Jace were back in the room with you. "Look who we found outside, Auntie Jenna and Uncle Chubbs." Tyler declared as he wheeled the baby back inside, followed by your best friends; who were carrying a massive amount of balloons and flowers.

"We thought we'd give you guys a little extra time alone. How's everyone doing?" She went over the hospital crib and peered down at Jace, who was fast asleep.

"This little guy is doing awesome, he just passed all his test with flying colors," Tyler announced, answering the unsaid questions you had about your baby. "But we've been away from Momma, so not sure how she's doing?"

"I'm good. I'm not going to lie I'm sore as all hell, but then I look at that sweet little face and it's all worth it."

"Speaking of this little guy; I'm dying to hold him," Jenna said making grabby hands at Jace.

"Of course." You watched as Jenna picked him up out of the crib and situated him in her arms.

"Make sure you support his head," Tyler told her as if she hadn't ever held a baby in her life. Thankfully, your best friend humored the first-time dad.

"Hi sweet boy, aren't you just the cutest thing in the world."

Jamie was leaning over her shoulder checking out your little boy. "He definitely has your hands Seggy. They're huge."

"I know right. He's gonna be a great stick handler."

"Guys, he's only a couple hours old, let's give him a minute before we're putting a hockey stick in his hands." You laughed at the exchanged between your best friend, her boyfriend and your husband. You had a feeling if it was up to the guys they'd be taking Jace to the rink tomorrow. "So does this little guy have a name yet."

"Yup," Tyler answered for you. "Meet Jace Tyler Seguin."

"Jace. I like it." Jamie spoke up, brushing his thumb across Jace's cheek.

"It means healer in Greek," Tyler added, now sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped around you. He seemed proud of the meaning behind Jace's name, which affirmed you made the right choice for your little boy.

"Awe, because he brought you guys back together right?" Of course, your best friend would get it, she probably knew what you were going to name the baby before you did since you practically shared a brain. "I love it. Hi Jace, it's Auntie Jenna."

"Alright, baby hog, my turn." Jamie teased, as he moved in front of her to hold Jace. Once secured in his arms, you watched Jamie, this big teddy bear of a man, sway back and forth with your child. "Hey JT. It's your favorite Uncle, and I plan on spoiling you rotten. You can come to my house and I will give you all the candy and chocolate you want, then ship you home to mommy and daddy, because that's what the best uncles do."

"Thank god, Aunt Jenna will be there to prevent all that." You chided. "But speaking of favorites, there's something we want to ask you." Tyler and you had discussed this a few weeks ago and you'd both agreed. "We'd like you guy to be Jace's godparents. I mean if you're willing."

"Really? You don't want one of your brothers or Tyler's sisters?" There were unshed tears in Jenna's eyes when Jamie asked the question.

"You two of been there with us from the beginning, and all the ups and downs; and there are not two other people in this world that we would want to take care of Jace in our absence." It was asking a lot, and you understood if they didn't want to do it. "You can say no if you want."

"What? Never…I mean yes…well, we are…right?" You'd rarely heard Jenna fumble her words; she was always so straightforward and direct, so you knew she was emotional about this. Which in turn made you emotional as well.

"I think what Jenna is trying to say; is that we'd love to be Jace's godparents." Jamie finally blurted out, as he came up beside her, slipping his free arm around her.

She leaned into Jamie, laying her head down on his chest as she gazed at Jace. "Yeah, we're so honored." They stayed about another forty-five minutes, then headed out leaving the three of you alone again.

"You know, we really need to call our families." You'd been living in this little bubble of the three of you for a few hours that you'd almost forgot about both of your families in all the craziness.

"Yeah Ty you're right. Let's call your mom first, my parents will probably hop in the car right away and I'd kind of like just a little more time with just us." He just smiled, kissing you sweetly on your head before picking up his phone.

"Tyler, sweetie, how are you?" Jackie said on the other line.

"We're good mom, though things have been a bit crazy. Are Candace and Cass there?"

"Cass is, hold on let me get her." She hollered and in the background, you could see Cassidy running to get to the phone where her mom was.

"Hey big brother, mom said you wanted to talk to us."

"Yeah, (Y/N)'s on the phone with me." Just then Jace decided to make his presence known with a little gurgling noise.

"Oh my god, is that…" Jackie commented while at the same time Cassidy was saying, "Did you have the baby?"

"Yes, you have a grandson, mom." Tyler was just beaming as he told his family, then panned the phone down to show them Jace, who you had in your arms.

"Oh Tyler, he's beautiful." You could see Jackie and Cass fighting to see the screen.

"Look at those cheeks," Cassidy cooed. "I just want to kiss them."

"Well, you can, as soon as you come to see him." You told her, hoping that they would get on a plane in the next couple of days and come see Jace. "Apparently he didn't like the plan of waiting until you guys were here before coming into this world." Jackie was going to fly down close to your due date, so she would be here when the baby arrived. She was also planning on staying a little while extra to help you with the baby for when Tyler went on the road.

"Are you and the baby ok sweetie? What happened?" Jackie's concern was touching and you were sure that what she was about to hear would floor her.

"Yes they're both fine, mom; even though she delivered him in our kitchen."

"She what?" Was said in unison from both Jackie and Cassidy.

"It was really quite something." And for the next several minutes Tyler proceeded to tell them exactly what happened. At the end of the conversation, it was decided that they were going talk to Candance and be on a plane within the week. The conversation with your parents went pretty much the same way, only you were right, and they were in the car within an hour after hanging up. Which gave you a few more hours of just you, your husband and your little boy.

Once your parents came, it seemed like there was a steady stream of visitors. Some of Tyler's teammates and their significant others, as well as your friends, stopped by to congratulate you and see the baby. To your biggest surprise, your parents didn't stay. Well, they stayed in Dallas overnight but left shortly after visiting with Jace the next morning, though your mom did promise to come back whenever you wanted help with him.

Tyler reluctantly went to morning skate, though it took everything you had to make him leave you and Jace. It was only for a couple hours, but he swore that Jace grew at least an inch during that time, even though he didn't. The doctor was being extra cautious with Jace, so you stayed in the hospital another twenty-four hours. Which meant that Tyler missed the morning skate for the Nashville game later that night, so he could take you and Jace home. You buckled Jace into his car seat, while Tyler stood over your shoulder making sure you did everything correctly; which was both adorable and annoying at the same time. Once Jace was safely tucked in, Tyler scooped up the carrier and your bag, then the three of you headed home. You sat in the backseat with Jace, while Tyler drove and stole glances at the two of you every couple minutes. "Is he ok back there?"

"Yeah, he's out like a light."

"Do you think he's warm enough? I can turn the heat up."

"Ty, he's fine, besides we're almost home." Tyler's overprotecting dad gene was starting to kick in, though it was cute. A couple of red lights and about ten minutes later, you were pulling into the garage. Tyler jumped out of the car, to get Jace out, but grabbed your bag as well. You headed into the house first, hoping the dogs wouldn't get too overly excited when the baby came in. As soon as they heard the door unlock, Gerry came running; Cash and Marshall close behind. "Hi boys, I missed you." Thankfully, none of them jumped up on you, they all stood there tongues hanging out and tails wagging.

Tyler held Jace back for a few minutes, while you petted the dogs; then came inside. Cash was the first to wander over to Jace, which really only made sense, considering he'd never left your side while you were pregnant. He sniffed around Tyler a few times before Ty set the carrier down for Cash to see Jace. Tyler knelt beside the baby, just in case one of the dogs would nip at him, though you didn't need to worry about that. Cash simply sniffed him, then nudged his little hand causing Jace to twitch and scaring Cash in the process. "It's ok Cash, come meet your new brother," Tyler said to the pup. This time when Cash approached Jace he laid his little head down at Jace's feet. It was so adorable you had to capture the moment, which meant the other two dogs lost your attention and were now moving over to check out their brother.

Cash didn't move from his spot, as Marshall and Gerry both tried to find out what was in the carrier. Gerry stuck his snout in Jace's face, causing Tyler to push him away. "Easy Ger, not so close." It took a moment, but Gerry finally settled his head on Tyler's knee so he could look in at Jace, while Marshall just laid down beside the car seat. It was in that moment that you realized you were surrounded by a houseful of men, but it felt like this was exactly how it was suppose to be.

#Nervous Regrets Series #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #nhl imagines #nhl fanfic #nhl imagine #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction

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scavengerbird · 3 years ago

Text

A Conversation in a Car

“I know it’s cold out, but I like driving with all the windows down now. I get claustrophobic. And I kind of like the cold, actually, and I know it won’t bother you. It gets a little loud on the highway, but I think we’re mostly sticking to backroads anyway. Would this feel less weird if I had a new car, instead of the same sad scrap pile I’ve been making work since I got my license? If something about this made it feel less familiar, less like going back in time?

Oh god, am I rambling? Wow. Let’s start over.

Hey. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Almost five years. I’m sorry about that. I never really meant to leave for good, when I moved out of town. Or, well I guess I did, actually. But I never meant to leave you.

I was serious, you know, when I invited you to come stay with me. I think you thought I was just saying it, but I swear I meant it. My apartment’s small, and it’s got something wrong with the bathroom light that makes the bulb blow out at least once a month, and two of the burners on the stove don’t work, but I mean. Mi shitbox es tu shitbox. We’d lived out of each other’s pockets for so long, before. I really did feel like we could’ve done it again.

But you said no. And that’s okay! You … wanted to stay here. God only knows why. I mean, I can guess, but I really hope I’m wrong, you know? It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it for so long and every time I asked you to come out and visit and you said you were sorry but you couldn’t, you always sounded like you really did regret it. You said there was shit here you had to take care of. And I always thought to myself – what shit? – like, seriously. We both know I was missing you more from the city than anyone in this stupid town would have. And I think Jan could’ve found another waitress for the diner. So, what was here that was so important? I think I never asked because I was afraid of the answer.

It’s him, isn’t it? You stayed for him.

Anyway. I could’ve gotten you a job at the coffee place I worked at when I first moved. Their coffee’s awful, but they have really good muffins. I still go in there all the time for them, so I’m still on good terms with the manager, and they’re always hiring. You could’ve done that until you figured out what you really wanted to do. Or you could’ve done that forever. I wouldn’t have judged you for it.

I think you’d like Tony. My roommate. Ok, actually you guys would probably kind of hate each other, but I think you’d have fun hating each other. You’re both kind of petty like that. And he’s gay, so there wouldn’t have been any of that pressure I know you feel around literally everyone who’s attracted to women, where you’re constantly wondering how bad they want you.

He actually offered to come with me for this, Tony. For emotional support. I turned him down, but it was still nice of him to offer. It was kind of obvious, how anxious I was about coming home. And of course, he knew why I was coming out here. Tony knows all about you, how much you mean to me. I talk about you all the time.

I forgot how empty the roads are, out here. You’d never see a street this quiet in the city, no matter the time of night. I think it should be comforting, but it’s not. It’s unsettling. I feel like there could be a ghost around every corner.

Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.

I don’t understand the point of you staying here for him. It’s not like it was gonna make a difference to him. Nothing makes a difference to him anymore. Like, do you remember when you asked me if I believed in an afterlife? It was only a few days after… well, After. And I said my whole thing about reincarnation and the law of conservation of energy and how I think it makes sense, and you said you thought that if anything happens to us after we die, it’s got nothing to do with what happened to us in this life. You said you thought if death wasn’t just a final ending, then it was, at most, a slate wiped totally clean.

So, it’s not like you thought he was looking down on – or up at? – you. It’s not like you believed there was anything you could do to get him to forgive you. And I know you didn’t believe in any god so it’s not like you were waiting on their forgiveness either. So, whose forgiveness were you looking for? Why did you think you could find it here? Why not just put me out of my misery and come with me?

Sorry. That was a poor choice of words.

You know every single person I’ve met since moving out there has heard all about you. I don’t know how to not talk about you. You are a story I can’t stop telling, a part of every memory I have. You’re the thing I built myself around. A version of my life where I don’t meet you, or you don’t exist, is not a version of my life. It’s version of someone else’s life, because I am not me without you. The shape of myself is the shape of the hole inside you, I am just the thing filling your edges, and without those edges I have no form.

I think I’m losing the plot a little, here. I’m running out of ways to say that I need you.

And maybe I have no right to say any of that shit, when we haven’t actually seen each other in five years. I know the way your face has gotten thinner and the color you dyed your hair from pictures. I don’t know if you still wear the sweet pea spray from Bath & Body Works. You haven’t been a body I could touch in years. You’ve barely even been a voice on the other end of the phone line. I know that for the most part all we’ve had these last few years were words on a tiny screen, sent and read only in the darkest hours of night. And those messages, meaningful as they were, were sporadic. It doesn’t sound like much, like enough of a thing to be a necessity. But there’s a difference between surviving on scraps and starving to death.

Our lives have been clinging to each other by the very tips of their fingers. I know that. But it never felt like a permanent state, to me. I always thought we’d find our ways back to each other. I didn’t call you, but I always knew I could. And now…

Did you stay here to punish yourself? I don’t think you deserved to be punished. I mean, obviously I didn’t think that, or I would have let you turn yourself in when you wanted to.

I can’t figure out whether or not I owe you an apology for stopping you from doing that. I thought I was saving you from yourself, but maybe I wasn’t. But what was I supposed to do? You couldn’t see yourself that night. They’d have locked you up for sure. I mean you were covered in his blood. You were still holding the knife, for God’s sake, just standing in the hall with it in one hand and my phone in the other, absolutely hysterical. Even if I hadn’t wrestled the phone away from you, what would you have said to the operator when you dialed 911? You were completely incoherent.

I can admit now that it might have been a little dramatic of me to smash my own cell phone against the wall when you tried to get it back from me, but all things considered, I think I was holding it together pretty damn well.

I was always good at holding it together. You were the one who was always going off the rails. But I loved that about you, most of the time. Everything was such a huge deal to you. It made life feel bigger than it was.

You made everything exciting, back then. Every petty feud with someone was an all-out war. God, remember when we egged Jenna’s car because she said that dumb thing about how you should try harder in class and stop messing around with guys? What was it? Right, that’s it, she told you if you spent half as much time studying as you did sucking dick then you’d probably get valedictorian. It was stupid, and you knew she only said it because she was jealous about Drew asking you out, and you basically told her that and I don’t even remember exactly what you said but I remember her crying. And then we still had to egg her car, and that still wasn’t enough, because you wanted to slash all her tires but I wouldn’t let you. You always wanted to take things one step too far. I always forgave you though. Every single time.

You know I can’t really remember what happened that night. It’s just kind of a blur. I remember him coming over. My parents were out of town. You weren’t supposed to be there. I mean, we hadn’t planned on it, but you wouldn’t leave when I told you he was coming over and I just let it go. I could tell he was kind of annoyed about it but he wouldn’t say anything. We’d been planning on ‘watching a movie’, but you being there meant we actually had to watch the movie. And then it’s all just flashes: a bottle of vodka, the glow of the TV in the dark room, your head on my shoulder, his hand on my arm, the room spinning – or no, shaking, because I was shaking, or being shaken, my head snapping back and forth, fast.

I know the two of you got into it. Or he and I got into it. Or we all three got into it. But I don’t know what it was about, all the words we said are gone from my memory, totally irretrievable. It’s just those flashes, and then you standing there with the blood and the knife, and him on the floor, so still.

Tony says I need a therapist. I haven’t told him about that night, obviously, but sometimes I say something I think is normal and he gives me this funny-sad look, or little things I don’t mean to talk about slip out. Like that memory gap. I didn’t tell him anything about what I can’t remember, just that there’s something, and sometimes I dream about it. I mean, I kind of had to tell him something, because I still talk in my sleep sometimes and I fell asleep on the couch one day and he heard me saying the word stop over and over. He said that it was creepy as hell, and I have repressed trauma, and gave me the name of some website where you can find shrinks online.

I have not looked for a therapist. Tony brought it up again, before I left to come back here. He said I should consider it for the sake of grief counseling, if nothing else. I told him I had a grief counselor already and his name was Jim Beam and – don’t even say anything, I know that’s terrible, I cringed at myself while I was saying it to him. Tony just shook his head and texted me the link to the stupid website.

I know it’s kind of fucked up that I don’t even fully understand why you killed him, even though I helped you bury his body. I wanted to ask you about it. I almost did, so many times. But I didn’t know how to without making it sound like I was trying to judge you. I didn’t want to bring it up again after the fact, when I knew we were both trying to bury it. There wasn’t any time to ask you anything or try to make sense of it the night it happened.

Do you even remember it that well? After I got you in the shower and turned it on cold you finally stopped crying, but you basically went catatonic. I never told you this, but that honestly freaked me out more than the corpse on my floor. You just sat on the steps, shivering in one of my sweatshirts and watching me try to clean it all up. I had to clap my hands in front of your face to get you to listen when I was asking you to help me get him up off the floor, but I couldn’t have carried him myself. Do you remember that the bedsheet I’d gotten him rolled up in was already soaked through with blood. I didn’t have anything else to wrap him in though.

You didn’t say anything until we were in the garage, and we’d gotten him in the trunk, and I was telling you that we should take him to the marshes, where the ground’s all mud and nothing that sinks down into it is ever coming back up and it’s too wet for anyone to go trekking through for fun, and you cut me off in the middle and just said I’m sorry and God, you sounded so quiet and broken and for the first time in our lives you couldn’t even look me in the eye and I –

I just… I told you to get in the car. I didn’t tell you it would be okay, or that we’d figure it out, or that I forgave you.

I do, by the way. Forgive you, I mean. For all of it, like I said a few minutes ago. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before today. I need you to know that’s the biggest regret I’ll ever have in my life, not telling you I forgave you sooner.

I really did love him, you know. I loved him and you kind of tolerated him for my sake until you didn’t, and then you killed him. You were sorry about it, and I forgave you because the way I loved him has nothing on the way I love you. He was a boy who I would’ve gone to prom with and probably broken up with two months after moving out of here and not seen again until our 10 year high school reunion, if I even bothered to show up for it. It was a moment-in-time kind of love. But you? You’re my forever bitch. I don’t care that every eight-year-old girl in the history of time has pricked her finger and stuck it to some other girl’s pricked finger and sworn to be bestest friends forever ‘til death does them part, when we did that, I fucking meant it, and now I-

I’m gonna need to stop for gas on the way back to my parents’ house. I forgot how far out the marshes are, but we’re almost there, now.

I don’t really know why I thought it would be a good idea to come out here. When I first got in the car, I thought I was gonna head out to the overpass, the one they told me you crashed under. But then I turned left instead of right. I don’t know, I guess I felt like, if any part of you was still around, it wouldn’t be hanging out on the edge of some lonely stretch of highway. I felt like you’d be out here, haunting the thing that never stopped haunting you.

Don’t worry. I’m not crazy enough to go traipsing through the marshes in the dark to hunt down a ghost. I just want to see them, park my car where I parked it that night, at the edge. The last time I really and truly had you all the way with me.

I don’t know now, if I was right about where to find you. I’ve been talking to you this whole time we’ve been driving, and I swear I can feel you here listening. I swear I can hear your voice. Maybe you’re just haunting me.

Oh. There they are. We can’t stay long. I’ve got your funeral in the morning.”

#writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #short story #sad #fiction

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