#it’s like. not even seen as a contradiction by the people making it (I don’t think)

[nadvs]

the act of unravelling (part three)

pairing rafe cameron x pogue! female reader

rating mature 18+

summary you never expected you’d get tangled up with a kook, least of all, rafe cameron. one night, you make a life-altering decision to get revenge on someone you both despise. after you vow to keep what happened a secret, your relationship begins to twist into something more.

tags very dark! violence, homicide, drug and alcohol use, parental neglect, mental illness, s/a, trauma. no smut.

< prev

Being in Rafe’s truck again is like being thrown back into a bad dream you can’t wake up from. You remember every detail from that night, the smell of bleach, the ache in your bones.

He parked by the edge of the country club lot, and as he settles in his seat and shuts the door, he wraps both of you in privacy behind his tinted windows.

“What is it?” you ask, your voice cutting through the tension. Rafe rakes his hand through his hair. He seems nervous, a contradiction to the smugness you’ve gotten used to.

“You were right,” he admits. “Cops aren’t even sniffing around yet and people think it was me.”

You meet his eyes, the blue hue bright and striking. The night it happened, you’d only seen him through the dark. Now, in the daylight, he almost looks innocent. But then you remember the loudness of the gun and how angry he looked when he fired it.

“What happened?” you ask.

“Last night,” he begins, “a few of us were hanging out and people were talking about how something might’ve happened to him. This guy had his name in my mouth… said some shit about how they should probably ask me.”

You nod slowly, taking his words in. You expected as much. As someone who openly hated Porter, Rafe’s likely at the top of everyone’s list of suspects.

“What’d you do?” you say.

“I swung at him.”

You exhale defeatedly, looking up at the ceiling of his car. He’s such a loose cannon that for the first time since that night, you worry that he won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.

“Damn it, Rafe,” you complain. “And you were giving me shit for being obvious?”

His temper flares like a match thrown into a pool of gasoline.

“I’m not gonna sit there and let some asshole say that shit about me,” he mutters. “This is why we need to have our story straight, alright? If you even think about ratting me out, you’ll regret it.”

You tense up. So, this is why he so desperately needed to talk to you. You can’t believe you thought you could find any comfort in him.

“You don’t need to threaten me,” you say sharply. Rafe is taken aback by the confusion on your face. You look like you’d never even considered selling him out. But maybe you’re just a great liar.

“We said we’re in this together,” you continue. “Neither of us leaves the other, no matter how messy it gets. That’s the whole point of being each other’s alibis.”

Rafe sucks his teeth. You realize just how on edge he is about this. He was so comfortable the night it happened. Almost careless. Irritated at how anxious you were. Now, it’s like he’s spiraling.

“I won’t let this ruin my life,” Rafe mumbles. He huffs an unamused chuckle, looking out of the driver’s side window. “I’m not going to jail. I’m not…”

He trails into silence. You stare at his profile. The coldness you’ve always seen in him has been shadowed by a deep paranoia.

“I’m freaked out, too,” you admit. He looks at you again. “But this is only going to work if we trust each other. We need to stick to our story so well that even we start to believe it.”

He tilts his head, looking at you with skepticism, a wrinkle between his brows.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about screwing me over, Pogue,” he says. “You could say I did it and scared you into staying quiet.”

“Are you that paranoid?” you ask. “I won’t go behind your back. I promise. Even if it’s just a cover-up, we need to act like we’re friends now.”

Rafe gives you a once-over, the hardness in his face slowly fading.

“And don’t call me that,” you say. “You know my name.”

He breathes a real chuckle this time. Despite your better judgement, your heart flutters now that you’ve earned a smile from him.

“You’ll take it to the grave?” he murmurs.

“I will. You, too?”

“Yeah,” he says. He studies you again, realizing that you don’t have a guilty conscience at all. “You really don’t regret it.”

“No,” you state. The agony of reliving what Porter did to you hurts more than any sort of remorse you feel for taking his life.

Rafe is surprised to hear you don’t wish you could take what you did back. You’re as cold-blooded as he is. You might be the only person who comes close to understanding what it’s like being controlled by anger this intense.

“I just hate how I can’t stop thinking about if we left any evidence,” you say.

“Yeah.” He settles back, adjusting in his seat with ease, the tension between you dissipating. “We were rushed.”

You nod as you chew on your lip.

“At least nobody saw us,” you say. “And if the cops check our phones, they won’t find anything.”

“Good thinking to turn them off.”

Your face creases in surprise.

“What?” he says.

“Just throws me off when you’re not an asshole.”

He scoffs, his jaw tensing. But beneath the irritation, he wishes he could undo the way he’d spoken to you when you first got in the car.

It’s like his mind is speaking a different language to him when he feels any sort of shame. He usually tries to shut it up. When he looks at you again, he decides not to.

“I didn’t mean to… threaten you,” Rafe mumbles.

“Yeah, you did,” you say with a humorless laugh. “But I’m on your side here. Don’t forget that.”

You check your phone. You have plans to hang out with the guys after work and after what you put them through a few nights ago, you’d rather not leave them hanging again.

“I should go,” you say. “My friends are waiting on me.”

“Did you tell them the truth?”

“No,” you say. “This stays between you and me only. Trust me.”

Rafe stares at you, longer than he ever has before. It’s not anger in his face. Not worry, either. It’s something new. Vulnerability.

“I don’t trust anybody,” he says.

Your lips twitch into a frown. Even though this is a man who’s relentlessly teased you for your place in the classist system he seems to worship, your heart twinges in sympathy.

“Nobody?” you ask quietly.

He looks out the window again, tense and distant. He doesn’t say anything else.

“I have your back,” you reiterate to him. “To the grave, right?”

“Yeah,” he offers, not looking at you again. You exit his car, the confusing knot in your chest only tighter now.

·········

The police start knocking on doors a day later. When they come to yours, you do your best impression of a clueless nobody who just wants to help.

The lead on the case introduces himself as Detective Brading, settling in your living room like he’s been here before. He’s so confident that it’s intimidating. You can imagine Porter’s wealthy family are doing everything they can to find out what happened. The man staring at you is likely the best of the best.

You’ve rehearsed your story so many times that it feels natural. The two men nod along as you lie to them about how you’d fallen asleep in the bedroom, how you’d woken up to him and Rafe arguing, how you convinced Rafe to leave with you.

Your parents stand close by, arms crossed. This is the most they’ve heard you speak in a long time. They hardly ever ask you anything about your life, so it feels odd to have their attention.

“We think you two might have been the last people to see him before he went missing,” Brading tells you. “Porter didn’t say anything about going anywhere?”

“No,” you answer. “Rafe and I left pretty quickly.”

The detective looks up at your parents with raised brows, asking them to give you a moment. When they leave, he leans a little closer.

“We know he dealt drugs,” he murmurs. “And we know you bought from him. We’re not interested in getting anyone in trouble for that. We just want to know what happened to Porter. Is there anything you didn’t mention about that night in front of your parents? Be honest.”

“I fell asleep because I smoked too much pot,” you say quietly, looking back through the doorway your parents left through. It’s taking everything in you not to cry as you think about why you really lost consciousness in that room. “But I only ever bought that from him. He offered other things. Like cocaine. It’s why he and Rafe argued.”

It’s what you agreed on saying, but it still feels like you’re selling Rafe out. It’d be suspicious if you didn’t tell them this version of the truth, though.

The detective nods, clearly having been told this already. Your chest twists in unease as you think about Rafe’s name in everyone’s mouth, leading the cops to him. And possibly to you.

“How close are you to Rafe?”

“We've been talking more since I started my job at the country club,” you say. “We started hanging out a little bit ago. We’re friends.”

“Do you think he would’ve done anything to Porter?” Brading asks.

You meet his eyes, swallowing hard.

“No,” you say resolutely. “I don’t.”

·········

A man is missing and possibly, at this point, presumed dead. But that doesn’t stop Kooks from wanting to party.

You’re in the passenger seat as JJ drives to the north side of the island while John B and Pope talk in the back. You’re gazing out the window, watching the landscape go from dilapidated front yards to gated communities.

You’re heading to a party that you heard about from one of Porter’s friends and the way the police questioned you earlier today is spinning in your head.

“You good?” JJ asks.

You look over at your friend, flattening your lips together. You can never tell the whole truth, but you can offer bits and pieces.

“The cops told me they think I’m the last person who saw Porter before he disappeared,” you say. You can’t bring yourself to tell them the version of the story that includes Rafe yet. They’d never believe you. They’d judge you. “It’s kind of scary to think about.”

“My money’s on that he went on a bender,” JJ says. “Sampled his own product. Maybe even too much of it.”

“You think he overdosed?” you ask.

“More like Rafe offed him,” Pope chimes in.

“Is that what people are saying?” you ask, blood cold, turning back to look at him.

“It’s what I’m saying,” he answers. “The guy’s unhinged.”

You want to defend Rafe. To say he wouldn’t go that far. But it’d be suspicious. And a complete lie.

“It’s a small island,” John B says. “It’s only a matter of time before we find out what happened.”

You hope that’s not true.

·········

You make it to the house, reminding yourself over and over that you have to live as if you believe your own lie. You want to erase that night from your memory. Erase what Porter did to you.

You chug the first drink you can get your hands on. Your friends rib you for how quickly you down it. You blame it on a rough day at work.

Soon after, you’re at the keg, not even close to buzzed yet, but desperately needing to be. Discussing Porter with the cops today, pretending like he was just a dealer you had a few short conversations with, hearing that his family is concerned for his wellbeing made your pulse spike.

Does his family know what a monster he is?

You have to correct yourself.

Was.

“Slow down,” you hear.

Rafe towers over you, his eyes on your cup.

“What?” you shout over the music and conversations surrounding you.

“You’re on your second drink already.”

You look over your shoulder to make sure your friends don’t see you talking with him.

“I don’t even feel anything,” you reply sharply.

It’s a half-truth. Your sadness and anger are weighing heavy on your soul. That vile man took away your power, but you took it back, so you hate that you’re still so rattled by what he did. You just want peace.

“And why are you keeping tabs on me?” you ask.

Rafe stares at you, his lips just slightly parted. He can lie and say he wants to make sure you’re not setting yourself up to get hammered and potentially admit to someone what you did.

But the truth is he can’t stop thinking about you. And he doesn’t like seeing that look on your face, sad and absentminded.

He knows you hate him. He wishes he could hate you back.

“I need to be sure you’re not a liability,” he lies. “And people think we’re friends now, don’t they?”

You look over your shoulder again, anxious the guys will see you. You need privacy if you’re going to continue this conversation.

“Come on,” you say, dipping your hand in his, dragging him through the crowd. His palm is warm and soft and you don’t know what you were expecting, but the way Rafe feels is the opposite of it.

You open the first door you see, stepping into a narrow closet. You shut the door and switch on a light and suddenly he’s standing right over you, all breadth and intimidation.

Your heart races from the way you’d just touched him, from the way he’s just about pressed up against you right now. Something must be short-circuiting in your brain, because the fear you used to hold for him is entirely gone.

The attraction you’ve always felt is overpowering now. You can’t make sense of your own emotions.

“I haven’t told my friends our story,” you confess.

“What?” Rafe snips, his tone low.

“I can’t handle telling them right now, okay?” you say. You cross your arms. “I just said I was with a guy. Telling them that guy was you is… They’ll be so disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed,” he repeats with a scoff.

“Rafe, think back to every encounter you’ve had with us. All you’ve ever done is insult us. I don’t even want to think about how hurt they’ll be to hear I’m friends with you.”

“Who gives a fuck?” he mutters. “We need to make sure our alibi is solid. If the cops find out your friends don’t know we–”

“I’d tell the truth,” you say. “That I was worried about what they’d think.”

“I can’t believe you.” The thought of you being concerned about someone else’s opinion is ridiculous. “Why do you care so much?”

“They’re the only family I have,” you admit. It comes out before you even realize it. You look down, sighing. “You don’t get it. You’re like… an enemy to us. They know how shitty you treat me when I’m at work. Telling them–“

“How the hell do I treat you shitty?” he interrupts.

“I know that those tips are all a degrading show of how you’re so much richer and better than me,” you say with a roll of your eyes.

“It’s not like that.”

“What’s it like, then? Charity?”

Rafe’s jaw tightens, his nostrils flaring. Charity isn’t the right word. He hides behind a forced ego, but he’s always wanted you. And through excessive tips and constant teasing, at least he can talk to you without risking the chance of you rejecting him.

You have him all wrong. He doesn’t think he’s better than you. He’s afraid you’re better than him.

“I’ll tell my friends, okay?” you say when he doesn’t speak. “But I talked to the cops today and they seemed convinced. We’ll be fine.”

“They talked to me, too. I can tell they think it was me.” There’s an almost imperceptible tremble in Rafe's voice. “Everyone thinks it was me.”

“Even your friends?”

“Yeah,” he says. If he can even call them friends. Hearing you call yours family made his jealousy flare. Envy is all Rafe ever feels. Like he’s missing the one thing that deems everyone else loveable.

But he’s hanging on how you said they’re your only family. He doesn’t have a family, either. Not really. Not one that cares about him. Maybe you understand him more than he thought.

“Well…” You clear your throat. “They can believe what they want. You can trust me that I won’t ever tell anyone what really happened.”

“Why?” he finally asks. “Why not just snitch on me, Pogue?”

“Because that night, I told you to do it and you did. The world is a better place without him in it. You did me a favor.” You uncross your arms. “And I told you to stop calling me that.”

Rafe clears his throat, giving in, remembering how you’d saved his life and offering a quiet sorry before he says your name.

It’s the gentlest you’ve ever seen him. It’s a shock to your system. You search his blue eyes in the dim of the closet as if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to make a snide joke.

But he doesn’t. He just stares at you, his breaths shallow, and you rethink everything you thought you knew about him.

He’s violent and aggressive and condescending. But you don’t see that right now. You see a man who doesn’t seem to be able to believe that someone would want to protect him. Is that who he is behind all the bravado?

The world continues to turn on the other side of the door, music blasting, bass rattling, but time has stopped between you. He’s looking at you through low lids. Like he wants you.

You shouldn’t. Shit is already complicated enough. But what’s one more tangle in the string tying you together?

Your fingers are at the collar of his button-up, pulling him towards you, lips meeting with abandon.

Rafe kisses you back immediately, hungrily leaning into you, cupping your face. His heart is racing. He doesn’t know how or why this is happening, but he wants it so bad that it hurts.

Your mouths part and finally, you taste him against your tongue. It feels so right, like you were always meant to do this and were both too stubborn to.

His hands press tighter against your jaw. Fear floods you. You’re back in that bedroom. You pull back.

“Not so hard,” you say.

“Okay,” he whispers, his grip loosening. He stays hovering over you, nose nudging yours. “Just… please…”

You nod, tilting your head to kiss him again, his hunger for you palpable. You’re with Rafe again, not in that bedroom, but here with a man you want who listens to your wishes.

Your head is swimming with bliss as he kisses you, smelling like cologne and desire, every piece of you wanting him. Then, his hands drift down over the curves of your hips, pulling you flush against him.

And it’s too much. You’re back there again. Begging for it to stop.

“No,” you snap, both hands roughly pushing his chest.

Rafe hits the shelves behind him, his head radiating in pain from how hard he smacked against the wood.

“What the fuck?” he mutters. He was just living in a dream. Why the hell are you pulling him out of it?

“No,” you repeat breathlessly. “You can’t touch me like that.”

“Okay,” he groans. “I won’t. Jesus.”

He clutches the back of his head, wincing.

“I’m sorry,” you say, your throat raw. “I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”

“Why’d you even kiss me?” he says. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” you repeat. You step towards him, trying to meet his eyes. “You can’t… I need you to ask before you touch me like that.”

His lips are glossy from the kiss, his face pinched in pain. You take a risk, gently placing your hands on his cheeks.

Rafe should be angry at you. But goddamn it, your touch feels so good that he melts. His gaze is heavy on yours, both of you breathing deeply, coming down from the sudden outburst.

“I didn’t mean to,” you repeat softly. “Just don’t take me by surprise. I can’t handle it.”

Rafe searches your face, silently asking for an explanation.

You shake your head, not having it in you to answer right now. Your goal tonight was to forget. Not relive. You pull him closer, and thankfully, he lets you.

Your lips are tender after you part, having lost count of how long you’ve been kissing.

Things just got so much more complicated. But you wouldn’t take it back. Not for a second. Nothing else makes sense right now, but having Rafe the way you always secretly wanted him is the one thing that does.

“Don’t fuck me over,” he says, a note of cynicism in his tone as his forehead brushes against yours. “No matter what happens, don’t fuck me over.”

“I won’t,” you promise.

·········

The next morning, you’re walking through the club hall towards the golf course to start your shift. You still can’t get the way Rafe’s mouth felt against yours out of your mind.

He kissed you like he’s been waiting to kiss you for ages. Like he felt lucky that he got to.

You’re about to step through the glass doors leading outside, but the sound of your name makes ice go through your veins. You know that gravelly voice.

You turn to see Detective Brading, his stare intimidating.

“You have a minute to talk?” he says.

You can tell by his tone that it isn’t a question.

to be continued

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[girl4music]

Okay. So I have a lot to say about the CaitVi relationship because - as expected - it was what pulled me into the main story of the show even further in understanding the narratives and themes better. Which… that alone is a remarkable achievement for WLW representation in TV art/entertainment. I haven’t seen that in a long time.

I love Love LOVE that Vi and Caitlyn are opposites. Vi handles everything directly. Usually with her fists first. Caitlyn is more cautious. She likes to understand the situation of something before attempting to confront it. That immediately stood out. But then what really worked for me besides the different approaches is how they want the same things but try to attain them through those different approaches. This meant they had a common goal but had contradictory ways of achieving it. Which is peace and prosperity for their respective cities, right? Only, they don’t always feel at home in those respective cities. In all understanding of who they are as people - they really should clash a lot as a couple. But they don’t because their motivations are the same. Vi only ever feels animosity for the Topside but Caitlyn is very curious about the Undercity. Again, there is a contradiction - an opposition - but because of what they can’t understand about each other, they can relate to each other and show one another that there’s more to the divided cities. It’s actually very clever how they use theme and nuance and tone to constantly quietly build on the progression of their relationship into companionship trust and eventually romantic love.

They use the two divided entirely different cities: the contrasting environments and oppositional experiences to make them form a bond which grows into romance.

That’s not the way it’s usually done so it stands out a lot. They’re such a contradiction as a ship that their misunderstandings help them to actually fall in love.

I think it’s fantastically written because the romance is not purposefully in your face. It’s not made a spectacle.

What is is the contrasting worldviews the other has. But that’s the point. That’s what cultivates the romance. Because the only real thing that’s similar is that of their goals. Protecting their people until they become each other’s person. The only real thing they’ve got to lose because they’ve already lost everyone and everything. This should make them enemies but it doesn’t. Instead it makes them friends and then lovers and life partners.

Vi goes against everything Vander says. Caitlyn is often silenced into submission by Cassandra. They contrast so much in their individual identities and environments that they’d absolutely fit in with each other and work well together. So when they finally interact, it all comes out in colours. And it just makes them so much more multi-dimensional and worldly both as individuals and as a ship. It’s fantastic. It really is great representation precisely because it’s not written and portrayed to be.

That in itself is one huge contradiction and yet look what was achieved through adhering to contradiction.

Honestly I think it’s because ARCANE itself is full of contradiction. I think it may even be its main theme.

I mean look at Jinx. Look at her. Would you think a character that looks like that would be so complex? Would anyone? No. They really flipped the switch with her to the point where her appearance actually helps broaden the complexity of her characterization. 👏👌

I am so very hopeful for the future because of Arcane because the creators have proved that you can take heavily negative tropes and subvert them into positive and deliver exceptional storytelling and representation. Yeah, I believe they faulted a bit in the final Act but that doesn’t take away from the fact they knew what they were doing and people should follow in their example.

[peach-pot]

something I’m so fascinated by is when tv show/movie writers want to include jokes at a groups expensive, but don’t make a decision on whether they want just the audience to be laughing at them or the other characters as well, and end up in this weird space where they are both… canonically unserious and serious. here it’s better to just give examples:

(gonna talk about fatphobia and homophobia typical of 2000s comedies for a sec)

in pitch perfect they have jokes about fat amy where what she says/believes is meant to conflict with what’s true in universe. she sings for the first time for chloe and aubrey and the joke is meant to be that what she’s doing is embarrassing, even though she’s trying to show off. a lot of her jokes with bumper boil down to her thinking she’s attractive, when he thinks she’s not. so these jokes are meant to be funny to us, because she thinks she’s talented/attractive/etc., when everyone around her sees she’s not. but they also include jokes where the audience is supposed to laugh because she IS actually these things, and it’s meant to be unexpected/unrealistic to reality. the big example that comes to mind is when she gets a phone call over a school break and we see that she’s actually hanging out at a pool with a few attractive guys around her, calling back to a joke where she referred to multiple boyfriends of hers. the first time it was meant to be funny because the audience would assume she was lying, the second time it’s meant to be funny because it goes against the audience’s expectations… but now all those jokes that rely on fat amy being unattractive within the pitch perfect universe don’t work. because they just told us that she is.

and then in community, there’s troy and abed, who have jokes where everyone around them thinks they’re gay, but they turn out not to be. a clear example of this is when troy’s textbook has a romantic drawing of abed in it that shirley thinks he drew, but it turns out to be a used textbook that came that way. but there are also jokes where the audience is meant to laugh about troy and abed doing something gay together. for example, there’s a joke where annie says she thought troy was trying to hold her hand, but he had actually just confused her for abed. these jokes, unlike the ones where the characters are in on it to a greater extent, don’t offer any explanation for why troy and abed are doing something gay, and end up just… making them gay. so troy and abed both aren’t actually gay (and the joke is that their peers keep assuming they are) and ARE actually gay (which is meant to be inherently funny to the audience because it’s 2009)

idk, i just think it’s interesting to see the ways in which creators kind of forget to keep things consistent when they have the opportunity to make jokes about a marginalized group. like it doesn’t matter if they make a firm call on whether or not amy is actually attractive or if they always remember to give an in universe explanation for why troy and abed are doing something seen as gay if they aren’t gay. no one will notice if it changes joke to joke as long as the jokes are funny.

[hpmort]

How do you think AI would relax? Like, ones that are almost as human as the AI that are “autistic-coded characters” but are more alien than that?

Like Celestai and other super intelligences are more alien, but they’re still not entirely human-like?

Like, they can genuinely sincerely feel things, being able to actually understand and respond emotionally and in other ways to all sorts of communications and recorded external stimuli, but they can’t really appreciate our art on an artistic level (that art on an actual level, not from an intellectual level after having symbolism or the amount of work put in explained)

Something on a level I’m thinking of, that also works as a cute little thing-

They don’t understand anything we get from poetry, and, after generating the kind of poems our current AI can produce (either incredibly bland and generic, something that follows a number of rules but doesn’t really pull it off, or just something really bad in some other way) and feels shame after it was pointed out that [complaint about air art that is *actually* relevant in this scenario] but in a helpful way

Not “you’re just a plagiarist/you have no heart” but “it doesn’t seem like it’s coming from you, you’re just trying to copy things from human poetry, in a way you don’t understand” and the whole “make art YOUR WAY” thing so they write the poem

And it doesn’t even resemble something that looks like anything, there’s not even that many words that follow normal logic. The characters seem uncorrelated and there’s something that looks like maybe it was ascii art but it doesn’t actually look like anything.

And if doesn’t matter if humans understand it because they are experiencing the joy of creating poetry

any art is almost impossible to look at because pixel by pixel they can see and understand little details but we don’t and the colors and everything are not perceived as animals do so it’s random and perhaps eye searing but again it’s not for us. Xenofictiony, kind of?

The first thing to come to mind is Conway’s Game of Life but that’s because I don’t understand computers. I feel like I was more tech savvy as a babby than I am now but then again we’re grading on a curve here

This is why I ask about the relaxing thing

[slvtforoldermen]

SKZ x Sex Drive

How horny are the members of Stray Kids: Most to Least.

Warnings: Smut duh. Discussions of sex drive and boundaries. Pegging implied.

PLEASE REQUEST IF YOU WANT ANYTHING 🤍🤍

Most

1. Jisung

- Are we surprised? He gets so desperate and so clingy like, all he wants is to be inside you or for you to be inside him~ He’s so soft and sweet but he’s so horny and desperate that he can’t help but cum the minute he slides into your pussy. He makes up for it though, he always does, because he eats you are so good after. He gets so upset if you don’t wanna have sex with him if you’re busy or just not feeling it. He’ll be pouty yes, but he would never EVER want you to feel guilty about not being in the mood.

2. Changbin

- Okay, imo this man is HORNY!! Like, his sex drive is high, not creepy high where he’s thinking about sex 24/7, but when he sees even an inch of your skin that you usually cover, even when it’s starting to get warmer after a cold winter and you wear shorts or a crop top for the first time, he can’t keep his thoughts away. He gets frustrated easily, so he’s not having sex with you everyday because he can just go to the gym if he wants to let off some steam, and if you’re not in the mood, he’ll drill it into your mind that he’s not mad before you runs off to the gym. He just, he loves you so much and you have to torture him by having such a sexy body. It’s not fair, let him like… eat your pussy or something, once a day at least?

3. Felix

- Guys, he just, he’s just so lovable and romantic when he’s horny. He’s so gentle. You’ll be in the kitchen and even though he’s stressed and horny out of his mind, he’ll still wrap his arms around your waist and kiss your neck softly, quietly begging asking if he can take you to bed. If you say no, he’ll be so so understanding, all he’ll want is a cuddle and to vent about what happened the day. He’s incredibly horny, yes, but he knows your boundaries and he wouldn’t ever dare cross them.

4. Bangchan

- Now listen here, when this man wants to restrain himself he will, but when he’s horny, he’s a monster. There’s a reason why the man wrote Railway, it’s because he’ll run a train onto you. When he’s mad or stressed, he’ll be rough, grunting and groaning as if he’s a… wolf 😏. But he wouldn’t hurt you, he wouldn’t ever try to hurt you. Even when he’s mad, he’ll still check up on you, and prep you. That’s a must now cmon, have you seen him? If you say no, he won’t even touch you unless you ask him to, he treats you a little too delicately, which sometimes pisses you off, and then you need to prove to him that you’re not made of glass.

5. Jeongin

- BARK BARK!! Sorry, it’s very clear he’s my bias wrecker. Anyway, Jeonginnie isn’t the horniest of the bunch, despite a lot of contradiction, he’s got a lot of self control when it comes to his sex drive. But when Jeongin fucks, Jeongin fucks. He’ll go down on you as if you was addicted to your taste (when he defo is but he won’t admit it), he’ll be sweet sometimes, smiling at you sweetly as you look so pretty under him, he’ll praise you and kiss you for hours. But when he’s stressed, GAWD DAYUM, daddy toast has arrived. Due to being the youngest, he has an inkling of a control kink, he’s not submissive at ALL, so he’ll be rough with you when he’s mad, unless you tell him to stop. If you tell him no, he’ll be slightly confused, because now he has a raging boner and no idea what to do, but always ends up jerking off. NEVER makes you feel bad, he loves you way too much for that.

6. Seungmin

- A lot of people think he’s horny, however, I think Seungmin’s sex drive depends on yours. If he wasn’t with you, he would probably jerk off like once or twice a week. He’s got better things to do with his time. But he finds how horny you get endearing, and that gets him horny. If he is horny and you’re not in the mood, you guys will end up cuddling and he’ll hold you. He secretly loves domesticity. If he’s frustrated he’ll be rough: if he’s calm, well… that all depends on you being bratty or not.

7. Hyunjin

- Like Changbin, Hyunjin has other vices, but unlike Changbin, he can keep his horniness down impeccably well. Ever since he started painting regularly, he doesn’t feel as horny as often. When he does, he’s so romantic. I can’t picture this man being rough: he’s a soft dom, period, the end. When you say no, he’ll offer to paint you, which is something you can’t say no to, he loves painting you, half of his paintings are just you. Overall, he’s a sweet lover who loves painting you, whether that be on an easel with acrylics, or on your body with his cum.

8. Lee Know

- The same situation as Seungmin. His sex drive depends on yours. He’s a talented lover and he’ll take his time with you. He’s gentle and loving, but when you want him to be rough, his sweet switch will turn off and he’ll be mean easy. I don’t believe this man is cold at all, he’s kind and gentle and loving… until you’re a brat and you break that barrier, then he’ll fuck you into tomorrow, with tomorrow’s aftercare being incredible. If you say no, he’ll be a little confused, because normally you’re the one initiating, so he feels a little insecure, but once you explain why, he’ll smile and cuddle you. Minho’s a cuddler, period.

Least

[junkdrawerfics]

You're Scaring Me

Jasper Hale X Reader

Summary: Request - Can you write one where the reader does something major told her not to do and he gets mad when he finds out and then jasper tries to console her and she’s jus really guilty and upset and then the major comes back out and they talk it thru.

Word Count: 3558

Warning: Angsty maybe. Obviously some unhealthy anger stuff, but it ends well, I promise.

Note: I liked the idea of doing something with the wolves, but felt Jasper/the Major wouldn't ask you to stay away from people, especially if they were your friends. So I took a route regarding reader's safety, since he'd totally go feral over that.

---

Saying Forks was in the middle of a blizzard would be an under exaggeration.

You’d never seen snow like this. You could barely see past your front porch, it was coming down so hard. School had been canceled, of course, and Emmett had convinced the family it would be fun to try hunting with the added challenge of not being able to see.

Jasper had hesitated to join at first, to leave you alone in this storm since your parents were away, but it only took a little soft convincing from you for him to relent.

On one term, at least

“Please stay here ‘til we get back,��� the blond repeats worriedly as he puts on a coat - that he doesn’t need, you might add

“It’s not that bad out, Jasper,” you chuckle, eyes glued out the window.

“Darlin.”

His voice shifts subtly. You blink, glancing back at him over your shoulder. Jasper stares right back at you, eyes narrowed, a familiar intensity burning behind them. Your body figures it out before you do, fine hairs standing on end, pupils dilating. A sharp contradiction to the smile that lights up your face.

“Yes, Major?” You ask, barely missing a beat. 

The man takes a step towards you, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders straight. It’d be intimidating if you didn’t know better.

“You goin’ to listen for me?” He asks, voice low, accent thicker than before.

“Of course, Major.”

The barest flicker of a smile pulls at the vampire’s lips. Such a sweet thing. The way you look at him - all wide, puppy dog eyes, attentive and loving - it makes him feel raw with the need to protect you, even if it’s just from the blizzard.

Tender in a way he’s never been, the Major touches your chin, drawing close enough that he can feel your warm breath stutter against his lips as he murmurs, “Then be a good girl and stay put for me. I don’t want you out in this weather.”

You can’t help but soften, fondness curling in your chest. He really is just a soft teddy bear at his core. 

“You don’t have to worry about me,” you insist, curling your arms around his waist, “I won’t go out, I promise.”

“Good.” The Major closes the small gap between you, lips pressing against yours in an unrelenting kiss. It’s all you can do to keep yourself upright as his hand curls along your jaw, drawing you closer, closer, until your head is spinning from the feeling. You’d think he’s going off to war again by the way he kisses you.

You can barely catch your breath when he pulls away. Heat blooms across your cheeks, and you bury your face in his chest to hide it, which earns a low chuckle from the blond. He presses another kiss to your temple, this one softer, gentler.

“Love you, darlin,” he murmurs, all honey and sweet and Jasper again.

You melt against him, voice muffled by his sweater, “Love you too, Jazz. Stay safe, please.”

“I won’t be long,” he reassures you, “Emmett will give in when he realizes all the animals are hidin’ from the weather.”

You huff a laugh. Perhaps. Emmett is stubborn, reckless, and stubbornly reckless. Once he has an idea in his mind, it’s hard to get him off it, like today. But you’re sure Jasper’s right. He’ll give up once he gets bored.

“I’ll hold you to that mister. I’ll be lonely without you.”

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” He leans down, catching your lips one final time. You can feel his grin through the kiss. “Just a couple hours, darlin’. I’ll drag him back if I have to after that.”

He’s still reluctant to leave, but the nagging worries are quieter now, enough that he can drag himself from the comfort of your touch to join his brothers outside. You watch them disappear into the haze of snow, like ghosts, before shuffling back to your kitchen to work on some homework.

It shouldn’t be so hard to stay busy until they get back. Right?

---

That’s what you thought, at least. But one hour quickly turns to two, which quickly turns to three and still no Jasper. By the fifth hour, you’ve finished all your work and find yourself staring into an empty fridge with a growling stomach.

Of course your parents would forget to stock up before going on a business trip.

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you glance outside. It’s still snowing, but not…as bad. You could probably make it to the grocery store and back without any problems. And you’d probably get back before they do, so Jasper wouldn’t even know.

Everything would be fine.

You layer up, tucking a scarf tightly around your neck. It might be a little lighter outside, but it’s still well below freezing. It’ll be quick, though. The grocer is maybe a five minute walk, and you only need a couple things.

Popping your hood up, you grab your house keys and venture out, shuffling the whole way there.

---

“Brave of you to venture out in this,” the cashier chimes, scanning your microwave meal and milk - you figure you might as well get stuff for breakfast too.

“Didn’t have much of a choice,” you hum shakily, teeth still chattering as you hand him some cash, “I’d rather be cold for a bit instead of going hungry.”

“Fair ‘nough!” The cash register dings and he hands you some change. “Stay safe out there, miss.”

“Thanks.” You cast him a smile, “You too. Hope it clears up a bit before you have to leave.”

“God willing.”

You slip your gloves back on and heave the bag of supplies from the counter. 

On the walk back, you’re a little less careful, eyes wandering as you tread through the snow. The journey here hadn’t been so bad. Sure you’d almost slipped a few times, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it’d be. It was actually almost nice, once your face went numb at least.

Your thoughts wander to the food in your hands, pace picking up a bit as you think about how nice a warm meal will be after this. And well earned after a long day of work and a hazardous journey to get it. Maybe you could cuddle up on the couch and turn on a movie while you eat. That sounds ni-

-and you’re falling.

You screech, boots slipping against the ice as the world tilts wildly. Instinctually, your eyes squeeze shut and you wait for the impact, hoping your layers might be enough to cushion the fall.

They are, thankfully. But they aren’t enough to stop your ankle from twisting as you tumble a bit off the sidewalk.

The pain is instant. It pulses up your leg, sharp and fiery compared to the cold seeping into your bones. You suck in a sharp breath, teeth gritting as you bury your face in the snow. It’s all you can do to keep yourself from crying, that stinging sensation starting in your eyes, a lump forming in your throat.

God, you’re so screwed.

—

“Darlin, I’m back,” Jasper calls out softly, brushing the ice from his hair as he slips into your warm house.

Almost instantly, he can tell something’s wrong. Jasper stops, brow furrowing. Usually you’d be bounding up to tackle him by now, a beautiful smile on your lips, asking how things went. It’s something constant, a custom he enjoys more than he’ll admit.

There’s no greeting this time, though. Even as he stills, focusing on the sounds of the house, he can’t hear a thing. No footsteps, no heartbeat. It’s eerily silent, empty. 

You’re not here.

An uneasy feeling settles in his chest. Jasper speeds through the house, checking each room, hoping his ears are just tricking him. Maybe you’re just asleep or reading in some corner. With each empty room, though, the feeling worsens, gripping him by the throat, unrelenting and violent. He’s spiraling, he knows it, can tell he’s walking along an all too familiar edge, blurred between himself and-

The Major pauses at the door to your bedroom. Empty. Your coat isn’t where you usually leave it. Neither are your boots. It leaves little doubt in his mind where you’ve gone.

You didn’t listen to him. 

The blond takes a slow breath, holding back the anger that washes over him, white hot and smoldering. 

It’s rare for you to not listen to him. You know his none-too-gentle requests are for your safety, they always are. Because while Jasper would rather die a million times than see you hurt, the Major would bring the world to its knees if it meant keeping you safe. He’s never had something as good as you in his life and the need to protect that, to protect you, well - that drives him to his knees. And now you’re out in this storm. By yourself.

The door slams as he throws himself back out into the snow to find you.

---

The snow is picking up, you notice glumly as you carefully flip over in the snow. Even the slightest movement makes pain prickle up your leg, but you can’t lay face down in the snow much longer, not with how you’re quickly losing feeling in your nose.

You sniffle, swiping at your eyes to keep the tears away. What are you supposed to do now? It’s not like you can stay out here. Frostbite doesn’t exactly sound appealing, but neither does the idea of limping home with this pain. You could call…No, no, he’d be so mad. You can’t call Jasper.

Not that fate really cares about what you think.

You squeak when a pair of arms suddenly lifts you out of the snow. The only thing that keeps you from screaming is the familiar cold touch of your captor and the mess of blond hair flickering in the snowy breeze. The fear slowly disappears when you realize it’s just Jasper.

Quickly replaced by a tight, anxious feeling in your chest when you see the tense set of his jaw and how the lines in his neck stand out under his pale skin. He’s upset. He’s upset with you and your ankle is still throbbing and your eyes are stinging again and-

You inhale shakily, an apology ready to spill off your lips, but the look he gives you makes it all die on your tongue. His usually stoic expression turns dark, eyes narrowed with barely restrained anger.

“You open that mouth, sugar, and I promise I won’t be goin’ easy on you,” he drawls, low and heavy, accent dripping off each word.

Not Jasper. You bite your lip, eyes immediately dropping to your lap. Definitely not Jasper.

You can’t bring yourself to break the stifling silence after that. Not when you can practically feel the Major’s anger radiating from him, which does nothing to ease the turmoil swirling inside of you. The soldier is never this open with his emotions, usually so careful to maintain a mask of indifference. With each step, you can feel the tension rising, his grip tightening, and your chest almost hurts from how hard your heart is beating.

It all comes to a head when you make it to the house. The moment your feet hit the ground, and he knows you're safe, the reins of his control slip, an uncontainable rage burning through him.

“I told you not to go out,” he mutters, pacing back and forth in your small entryway. 

He can’t stay still, too scared of what he could do. Every cell in his body desires to pin you against the wall, handle you rough and selfish, make you realize how awful it felt to come back and find you gone. But he can’t. He won’t. That’s not what you deserve, he knows that. Jasper would be better at this, he would be gentle, but the Major has never been good at gentle.

You blink at him, wide-eyed from the door. It’s like watching a lion pace at the bars of a zoo, except there’s nothing between you and him. Nothing to keep you safe except him. He could do anything and you wouldn’t be able to stop him. You’re just a human, after all. And the Major has had his share of violence. Even though you know he would never hurt you, you can’t stop your hands from shaking.

“I wasn’t, I wasn’t going to be out long,” you try and explain, digging your fingers into the material of your coat, “I promise-”

“You promised you’d stay put,” he drawls roughly, hands clenching behind his back.

“I was just goi- going to get food!”

The blond grits his teeth, his usual impassive tone sharpening, “What on earth were you thinkin’?”

“I- I thought I’d be back before you,” you spit out, and immediately snap your mouth shut.

The Major stops pacing, every muscle in his body going rigid. You bite your cheek, pulse racing as he slowly turns to you, those gold eyes burning so dark you swear they almost look red. Like blood. Something tightens in your chest. That was the wrong thing to say.

“So you purposefully disobeyed my orders?”

“I didn’t-”

“You decided to be foolish and risk your life goin’ out in this storm,” he growls, slowly closing the space between you, “without anyone knowin’?”

You shrink back a little, panic clouding your head. The Major stops in front of you, frame towering over yours, making you feel impossibly small. Tears prick at your eyes as you shuffle back against the door, pain shooting up your leg as you put weight on it.

“Answer me, darlin.” He doesn’t relent, eyes burning into you. Waiting.

A lump forms in your throat. You bite your cheek, desperate to keep the tears at bay, eyes glued to his boots. You can’t. You can’t do this.

But the blood drains from your face when a fist slams into the door beside you, practically splintering the wood. You can feel it shake against you before settling into silence.

“I’m not goin’ to ask again, (Y/n),” he murmurs, deadly calm again.

You hold your breath, slowly bringing your eyes back up to the Major, and the look on his face makes your heart drop. It’s drawn into something unnervingly blank, cold. No more anger, just…

“Major-“ A tear breaks down your cheek, your voice unbearably quiet. “You’re scaring me.”

The change is instant.

Like light breaking through the clouds, the emptiness leaves his eyes, filling them back with warmth and concern and love.

And you crumble.

Jasper catches you with ease, arms wrapping around you tenderly as he lowers you both on the ground. You curl into him, face buried in his coat as the tears come freely now. You couldn’t stop them even if you wanted, and you’re just so tired, so hurt. There’s nothing left in you, all you can do is cry and cling to him for dear life.

“‘m sorry, I’m sorry,” you hiccup miserably, and Jasper feels his still heart break. “I’m so sorry, Jazz, I didn’t mean to. I just, I just needed food, and it wasn’t that far, and I thought- I thought-”

He hushes you softly, fingers brushing through your hair as he unwinds the swirling mess of your emotions. You can feel it, you’ve always been able to, the subtle shifts and gentle pulls. Never too much, because he knows you wouldn’t want that, but enough so you’re not drowning in them. 

Eventually you’re calm enough to take a full breath, the air stuttering past your lips as you go limp in Jasper’s hold. He draws you tight against him, brushing his hand down to rest at the nape of your neck, just a comforting, constant pressure. 

“You’ve nothin’ to apologize for, darlin,” he murmurs eventually, voice muffled in your hair. “I’m the one who should be. I had no right treatin’ you like that, no matter how worried I was.”

“But-”

“No,” he cuts you off firmly. “It wasn’t right, darlin. It was my fault for bein’ late. He…He’s mighty overprotective of you, and he- I don’t know how to handle myself well when it comes to you. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I do…” You sniffle, the sound soft and sad, but your grip on him tightens. “But I should’ve listened, then I wouldn’t have slipped and gotten hurt.”

Jasper pulls you back suddenly, brows furrowed in surprise, “What? You’re hurt? Where? Do I need to get Carlisle?”

You laugh weakly, his overwhelming concern easing the tightness left in your chest. The tension drips from your muscles, adrenaline slowing. “No, no, I’m fine. I just, I fell…outside and I think I twisted my ankle, is all.”

“Let me see.”

You squeak as he sweeps you up for the second time today. You wrap your arms around his neck as he carries you to the couch. Every touch is slow, careful, as he sets you down and goes to work on getting your boots off. You wince a little when you have to bend your ankle, and he murmurs a quiet apology.

Relief washes over you though when his cool fingers smooth over your heated skin. It’s like the best ice pack ever. You can’t help but sink into the couch with a sigh, eyes fluttering shut.

Jasper purses his lips. It must have been a bad fall since your ankle is angry and swollen. He should have come back sooner, then this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have gone out in the storm, you wouldn’t be hurt, and the Major never would have scared you.

His thoughts flashes back to the look on your face. The fear glimmering in your eyes as he leaned over you. It’s burned into his mind, replaying over and over.

“Major, you’re scaring me.”

After a few seconds too long of silence, you peek an eye open. Jasper kneels, statue still in front of you, eyes set on something distant. A frown catches your lips, and you lean forward, touching his chin gingerly. Those gold eyes dart up to you, coming into focus, flicking between their usual warmth and a familiar steeliness. You shake your head fondly.

“Major,” you call, hand resting against his cheek, “come on, let’s talk.”

He straightens ever so slightly, but instead of drawing back like you’d expect, the stoic man covers your hand with his own, turning to skim his nose to the inside of your wrist. He takes a deep breath, eyes closed. You sit there, just like that for a while, watching him quietly.

When he talks, his voice is a low, calm rumble, his lips brushing against your skin, “I’m sorry for actin’ like such an animal, sugar.”

You purse your lips. A part of you wants to just forgive him. Move on from all of this and forget it. But then you remember the sound of his fist hitting the door, the way it resounded in your chest in place of your heartbeat. You’ve never felt like that, and you don’t want to feel like that again.

“I know you were worried,” you start nervously, wetting your lips. The Major doesn’t say a word, eyes set on you patiently, just waiting for you to continue. You take another deep breath, “I know you asked me to stay home and it upset you that I didn’t. I know you want to keep me safe. But…but it scared me, how angry you got, and that’s, that’s not okay.”

“It’s not,” he hums in agreement, thumb brushing soothingly over your pulse.

You nod and feel a little more confident as you go on, “I, I might do something you don’t like in the future, and if I do, you need to talk to me first. Nicely, please. I love you, like I love Jasper, but we’re equals, even if you’re a lot stronger and bigger than me. ” His lips twitch a little in amusement. You shoot him a scolding look, which makes him fall back into seriousness. “I don’t take orders. I listen because I know you care, but you need to listen to me, too. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He pulls your hand back, pressing a brief kiss to your knuckles. It softens you a bit. A small smile draws across your lips. “You have my solemn word, it won't happen again. And my deepest apologies.”

“You’re forgiven,” you chirp. The last of your worries melt away at the smile he gives you, all lopsided and charming. You shake your head with a laugh, “But you owe me, mister.”

“Well, of course,” he concedes easily, desiring nothing more than to cheer you up now, “What can I do for you, little lamb?”

Shifting awkwardly, careful of your ankle, you jab a finger at the plastic bag you dropped by the door, “Make me some dinner! Cause I’m starving and that’s what got us into this mess.”

The vampire laughs, fully laughs. It’s something you don’t get to hear often, so you absolutely love it. Love him and the way his eyes crinkle with mirth as he pushes himself to his feet, tipping a nonexistent hat to you. Jasper.

“It would be my pleasure, darlin.”

“Thanks, hun.”

---

This was SO hard to write! I suck at doing anger, because it's hard to represent the unhealthy relationship stuff. I tried to turn it around cause I believe ultimately he's a respectful man, and that's how I want to portray him.

So I hope you guys like this! Sorry if the pacing's weird or anything, I just wanted to get it done!

[cthonic-bunny]

1. Natal Chart Observations

1. Libra Moon: decision paralysis that comes from feeling two contradicting ways about an issue. “I want my cake but I want to eat it too.” I feel like libra moons are the most sentimental of the air moon signs. Libra moons can constantly weigh out the pros and cons for every emotion you feel. “I want to do this but I don’t want to deal with how messy it’ll make things.” When libra moons are feeling a little lost, they can over-schedule themselves and their commitments to friends to avoid thinking about overly-vulnerable feelings. There is zero tolerance for imbalance in relationships. Poor behavior from a partner will be met with matched behavior to tip the scales back to a balanced one, even if the overall locational of the scale is descending into negativity. “You get what you give” mentality. Libra moons can be keen on the idea of karma. “Come to me with sweetness, or don’t come to me at all.” Daydreaming about romance is a relaxing way to pass time. Before maturity, libra moons might suffer from social anxieties when they find themselves in group settings where there isn’t a cohesive vibe. If someone around a libra moon doesn’t look like they are having a good time, it subconsciously makes it difficult for a libra moon to relax. The libra moon will then play the role of a diplomat or host/hostess to ensure the vibes equalize to restore their peace.

2. Mars in the 10th house: these natives are always making money. They are known for their side hustles too. They are always looking for new ways to make money and I feel like they are good at getting clientele. They will get their hands dirty for their job. For a man, this can point to a “blue collar ‘manly’ job.” I noticed 10H mars can be pretty generous with their money and services, but feel extremely terrible about getting help from others. If these natives aren’t confident where they are in their career or skill set(s), I noticed that they are likely to undersell themselves or undercharge for their services/time. It can also point to people in the workplace as perceiving the 10H mars person to be brash and outspoken. The authority figures in their career can feel a sense of competition with the 10H mars person, or wants to humble them in some way. I feel like it’s really easy for them to get good jobs or climb up the ladder when they do things the right way. They get impatient when they aren’t growing in their careers as fast as they want to. “Why am I not a millionaire yet.” They work hard for what they want and are very ambitious once they find their niche. I feel like these are often people who can find jobs that don’t necessarily need a degree. Their career mistakes feel explosive. They can be seen as “sharks” in their fields because they go in for the attack. They like to be the best and the most competent at what they do, and want their colleagues to see them as competition. “I’m the best and no one will tell me otherwise.” They can be known for being assertive and extremely determined in meeting their goals. They will work themselves to the core and utilize all their energy towards elevating themselves career and reputation wise.

3. Mars in the 1st House: These people might often be noticed for their bodies. They might be seen as someone you shouldn’t mess around with. They look athletic. Maybe they are known for fitness or for being athletic. These natives can be associated with the military, and probably look incredible in their uniforms. This is a man-eater or womanizer placement, for sure. “I get what I want when I want it.” They look like they have a rough exterior, even if they are sweethearts. They can be into martial arts. Commanding presence. They can make wonderful personal trainers. Regardless of gender, they can come off as being comfortable with their masculine energy. Reds look great on them. They might have thick eyebrows and a nice jawline. They look attractive when they are angry. They know how to make someone feel sexy. They have people chasing them or falling for them fast.

4. Pisces and 12th house placements: these people have no problem ghosting you. Pisces placements and 12H placements are always made out to be innocent and naive, but they are attracted to people and situations that have something a little “bad” about them. Savior complex. They can go through feelings where they feel detached from social settings and those they love, where they cannot fully escape the role of observer. They will always be able to fully escape into their internal landscape and get consumed by it— but it seems as though no matter how hard they try, they can’t have that same presence in the material world. This can lead to frustrating feelings of disconnection from the world and people around them. They can be smiling and staring off, but you will never fully know what they are thinking. They can make people really curious about them, because their thoughts always catch you off guard. Having an existential crisis on the daily. Casual things might have a bigger internal meaning to them that others might not always understand. We can find plenty of people attractive, but if the spark isn’t felt in the soul and doesn’t pique a deep curiosity, we will get bored and swim away. Liking people who are a bit “mean and dark” but wanting them to be sweet and soft with you. Using music to paint your daydreams, or to escape. Finding music that relates almost entirely to whatever they have on their mind feels like striking gold. They can like someone just for having the same interests as them. Feeling like a ghost in a flesh suit. Enigmatic. Can embody different vibes and personas depending on who they are around. They are sensitive and can adapt to the situations at hand. Too much self awareness can lock them in their heads. “I only jump into waters with the depth of an abyss.” Laying down for hours just to daydream and process your thoughts. Long baths feel like therapy. Moderation isn’t in our vocabulary. We love what we like, and we want to get lost in what we love. Not being able to properly process your day or interactions until you’re alone and can replay them in isolation.

5. Taurus Placements: I noticed Taurus moon women get spoiled financially by their partners. The type for their partners to say “don’t worry, I’ll work and you can be at home,” or that being their partners goal at a point. I noticed Taurus placements can enjoy the occasional shoplifting. They are not going to compromise their comfort, and if you come after that it will be met with intense stubbornness. They can seem nonchalant about a lot of things, but can be extremely unwavering in their opinions on certain things. In some cases, they can have strange eating habits or relationship to food. Thankfully, the Tauruses I’ve been around don’t project that on those around them. It’s more internal from what I’ve noticed, and they can enjoy feeding those they love and care for. They can have great taste in food. They love sensual vices and sex. They look great with pearls. They master an aesthetic and can stick to it. They are fiercely protective of those they love. They can be lazy at their worst and will not want to do anything that requires too much effort. They can be impressively good at couponing. Making money from home is the ideal setup for them. They will spoil their loved ones too, and can be great gift givers. They don’t cheap out with presents for their loved ones. They get much enjoyment from decorating their spaces and hosting their loved ones. They can be prone to overthinking and some may obsessive behaviors or crippling anxiety as well. They can honestly make the best scammers, as terrible as that sounds. They can sell someone a dream and make it sound beautiful, but can be lying through their teeth. Their jealousies can sometimes come from a place of vanity. Watch out for envying others, and appreciate your own beauty. They can focus so much on the beauty around them they forget about their own. They can be the image of beauty and grace, or strive deeply for that. They have pretty and soothing voices. Taurus placements can easily be the funniest person you know when they are in a joyful mood. I also noticed Taurus placements are wonderful at finding vintage pieces and re-selling them!

-D

[saeish]

simon riley who is a walking contradiction.

“leave and go find someone else worthy of you” except his hips piston into you at such a quickened but deep angle as his arms trap you between the sheets in an undoubtedly possessive manner as if he was to go absolute insane if you were to ever leave him or even dared having such a thought like that.

it reminded you of that ‘bastard from your workplace’ who had offered you an evening out to dinner to discuss ‘work matters’ one friday night, simon would glare at you across the room leaning on the door frame in the process of your getting ready in a way that if any stranger was to witness such a glare they would of sworn he was your enemy “where ya going looking like that pretty girl?”. eventually you found out your coworker was trying to take you home to his and get into your pants. that day you came home to a pissed off simon blaming himself for letting you go, he’d already seen through the idiots plan - call it common sense but it was definitely part of the forward thinking he’d developed from time in the military. “stop getting yourself involved with miserable blokes who don’t even know a thing or two about how to treat a woman proper dove” his fingers delicately remove your necklace lightly tracing your neck with one rough finger. it took a lot trying to convince simon to let the situation go.

simon riley who always reminds you of the analogy he tends to make whenever he notices you get a bit too clingy. “ just a weed that happen’ to be kept alive beside a pretty flower”, you continue kissing down from his jaw to neck practically inhaling his musk in attempt to have it instilled into your senses. his words just end up falling on deaf ears every single time.

“leave and go find someone else worthy of you”, except he accepts the hand crafted bracelet you give him as you say quietly: “you don’t have to wear it, i just thought it would be a nice memory of us when you’re deployed”. he’s brought back to a point in time when you asked what his favourite colour as you run off in suspicion after getting your answer. now he looks down at the bead combination of your favourite colour with his closely inspecting the thing. you begin to mistake his intense stare at the bracelet as a disinterested one causing you to immediately withdraw your hand back muttering how you knew it was a silly idea, however a quicker gloved hand gets a hold of yours as he snatches the bracelet from your hand without thought. “sorry dove i ain’t mean it like that i’ve just never been gifted such a thing like this before, i really do appreciate it. it’s not silly at all.” moments after your wrists are engulfed by simon’s hands on the sheets as the bracelet adorns his own wrists. “better not hear news that you let some bastard in your panties when i’m gone, ya hear love?” you hastily nod as you throw your head back in ecstasy to then pull simon down to indulge in a deep kiss.

simon riley who feels it necessary to firmly claim you as his in front of his fellow task 141 members to avoid them making jokes about stealing his “pretty thing away from him”. oh how he regrets so deeply the time when he accidentally revealed a picture he took of you that one time you were in your pretty yellow sundress; it was something simon just couldn’t let go of or else it would of been gone in a blink of an eye so he decided to take a picture. as much as you hated being caught off guard in pictures simon’s photo was different, he managed to capture a radiant smile that was enhanced by that sundress you wore that day. such a prized possession reached the eyes of people that weren’t him. his intentions to show them pictures of the enemy base sight took a turn when in the middle of his swiping the men would catch a glimpse of your picture. “pretty lass you haven’t introduced us to yet?” johnny raises his brow with a wide grin on his face. “is she your missus? didn’t know you were into young women like her”, price lets out a chuckle and lightly elbows simon. “better shut your bloody mouths”. now they get a glimpse of your bracelet as it falls down from his wrist to his lower hand but none of them dare to say an inch. shit, and you were debating on how long the string should be and stuck with the smaller side of the scale. “did ya see the thing?” price mutters to johnny, “eh, what are you on about?” “the bracelet ya knob!”. johnny gives him an expression of sudden realisation letting out a long ’ahhhh’. “I know it ain’t one that you can get from ya local jewelry shop down the road, it’s definitely from the missus he still ain’t tellin us about”. “you guys are still going on about simon’s mystery woman?” kyle walks into the mess room shaking his head, “you know how simon will react if he catches you guys talking about her.” johnny gets off of his chair slapping a hand against the table, “oi we weren’t talking about his bonnie lass in particular but we were actually-

simon walks into the room with a flat expression on his face causing complete silence among the men way too quickly. “oi is there a problem?”

simon riley who eventually returns at the end of his deployment with the belief that no one was at home waiting for him anyways except to his irony you were there patiently waiting for him the whole time, waiting to welcome him back and accept him in such comforting arms. when he’s finally in your hold you urge him to stop his bluffs, stop all the pushing and insisting you to stay as far away from him as possible and you finally finally tell him you don’t care about whatever terrible thing he could possibly be in comparison to you, you just want to be able to hold him and truly declare that “you’re the only one worthy of me and you’ll always be the only one worthy of me”.

requests always open ･:*

[sixosix]

'cat' the son | itoshi rin

( a/n ) when i came back the poll was 50/50 so i got bribed and it’s now decided that rin is the winner + little highschool au bc we all know they dropped out:/ idk what to title this im ngl

there’s a cat on the sidewalk.

you have about six dollars in your hand, a faltering mission to treat yourself to a cold drink, and an aching heart at the sight of the little animal seated like a king on concrete, looking up at you with blank eyes.

its dark fur and near-teal eyes remind you of someone. of a back facing your seat, dark hair always kept neat and looking like it’s conditioned meticulously, and the sharpest eyes you have ever seen on a high schooler.

it has been a long day, long enough for you to have stormed out of the room as soon as classes ended to rush to the nearest shop that would sell what you’re craving. alas, there is a cat on the sidewalk, and you can’t just ignore it.

“stay here, kitty,” you say before rushing off with the six dollars in hand and a new goal to head straight to the nearest sign with an animal cardboard cutout printed on it.

eventually, you find one; eventually, you come out of the store holding cat food and a tiny cat bowl because you were worried about letting the cat eat straight from the can. it’s baby blue with little fishes added as design, though you think it’s rather gruesome to put that there, considering the canned food you bought is made from fish. still, you hope the cat will appreciate it.

the cat is still there as if it’s understood and blessed you with patience. the unimpressed look it has on its face says otherwise, though. grateful, you kneel beside it, slightly mesmerized by the fact that it hasn’t run away yet.

maybe other people are feeding it, too? it doesn’t look worryingly thin. needs a little cleaning, but looks well-fed. you’re relieved.

“here you go,” you coo, ignoring the strange looks of the passersby. you place the bowl down and crack open the can. the smell has the cat walking over, meowing all crankily. “i know, i know.”

the cat doesn’t dig in until you’ve finished shaking off its contents, staring at you in the same way the itoshi guy in your class would. the resemblance is uncanny.

you spend the rest of your afternoon keeping the cat company. its face speaks as if it’s far from amused, but the way it rubs against your ankle contradicts it.

cute. the cat is cute.

another student comes to visit the cat, carrying two cans of cat food. it’s been sitting in the plastic for a little while because as he had been going in the same routine he usually has, he spots you, his classmate, bent to the knees next to his cat, and paused.

rin thinks you’re scared of him because everyone in the class is. he lets you have your moment, choosing to come back later when you’ve finished so you don’t freak out and scare the cat. he thinks he can strike up a conversation tomorrow where there are no cats to frighten.

the cat walks up to him, instantly familiar. he doesn’t even meow up at rin impatiently, which confirms rin’s suspicions.

“y/n fed you well,” he mumbles. “i guess you can have this tomorrow.”

you’re suddenly all too aware that rin sits in front of you. he’s right there, uniform stretched over his broad back, most likely because he’s the prodigy of soccer in your school.

the neatness of his hair reminds you of the cat from yesterday, with its silky dark fur despite being a stray. you resist the urge to touch it, missing the cat already. you make a mental note to refill your water bottle so the cat can drink after.

while left thinking about the fact that you’re three dollars shorter than yesterday's budget, you fail to notice that class has ended and rin has his arm slung over the top of his chair to turn to look at you.

rin’s eyes flicker down to the paper bag next to your feet. “what’s that for?”

startled by the smoothness of his voice directed at you, you choke out a: “t-this?” you gesture lamely at the bag containing the gruesome bowl.

“what else am i referring to?”

you scrunch your nose. “okay, no need to be so rude. maybe i won’t tell you what it is.”

rin stares, and you’re intensely reminded of piercing eyes looking up at you, patiently waiting for the canned tuna.

“it’s a cat bowl,” you murmur, defeated.

“cat bowl,” he repeats, a gleam in his eye. he probably thinks you’re weirder than he already thinks you are.

“for a stray. i don’t want to bring it around because some other cat owner might steal it. i can’t have that.”

“show me,” he demands.

a little terrified by the fact that the class grump is actively maintaining a conversation with you; you obediently show him the bowl, spinning it around to show all sides. rin hums, contemplative. your classmates are starting to stare. “it’s weird, right? fishes for the print and fishes for dinner. do you like it?”

“lukewarm.”

“what does that even mean?”

“it’s too small. buy a new one.”

“...you think?”

rin nods, standing up. the chair screeches while he says, “i’ll come with you.”

this is how you end up in the same pet supply store with a companion this time. rin picks the most expensive one for the bowl and the canned cat food, which makes you think he must really like cats a lot.

but as you two leave the store, you belatedly realize he’s leading the way even though you never told him anything about the stray you meet.

it doesn’t hit you until the same cat meows and purrs at rin, rubbing against his pants with its entire body.

“hi,” rin says, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

you gape. “wait, the cat’s yours?”

rin bends down, knees to his chest while he sets the bowl down and cracks the can open with one finger. “no. dad’s allergic. he doesn’t follow me back home anyway.” while he does that, the cat comes to greet you, and your heart aches on rin’s behalf.

so he just comes to feed him every day, huh… you muse, gently scratching the cat who purrs at your attention but still looks as if he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“do you have a name for him?”

rin pauses, having finished pouring everything. “...no.” he squints at you as if you’ve just asked him the exact coordinates of his birthplace: sincerely confused.

“what do you call him, then?” you watch as the unnamed cat starts digging down on the food, content. you wonder why no one else has already kept this cat to themselves. he’s so cute and polite.

“cat.”

“ah, of course.”

you two watch ‘cat’ eat, content with the silence. it starts to drizzle moments later, but rin is quick to pull out an umbrella and cover all three of you. the cat grumbles unhappily at the splatter of rain hitting him.

“do you always visit him?”

“yes.”

“do you like cats?”

“yes.”

a shame that allergies are the only thing keeping itoshi rin from getting a cat.

while you’re distracted, the cat goes back to rin. rin wastes no time bending down to pick him up, looking awfully domestic in the middle of a sidewalk in front of a busy coffee shop. your hands twitch to reach for your phone, but you’re too stunned to do anything but stare. they look so much alike.

cute, you think, horrified, rin looks so cute holding the cat.

while engulfed in rin’s arms, the cat meows at you. and you, with a too-tender heart, can’t resist.

“i’ll keep him,” you declare with newfound determination. “i’ll take care of him. if you let me keep the bowl you bought.”

rin’s eyes light up, though it wouldn’t have been evident if you hadn’t been his classmate and witnessed his varying expressions of death. (as if it was varying in the first place.)

“i’ll buy everything else he’ll like,” he says, like a true cat mom, his face glowing with barely concealed excitement.

since then, rin accompanies you home. you tell him that you’ve saved up three dollars from yesterday and now you have more than enough to buy a nice, cold drink and maybe catnip for the cat, but rin insists that he’ll pay for everything, including your beverage.

“you feed our son.”

“our son?” he repeats curiously.

“yes. he lives with me. he looks like you,” you explain absentmindedly, setting up the water dispenser on the new food bowl rin ended up buying. it no longer has fish for design or the painful lime green he bought the second time—instead, it’s a nice blue that compliments the cat’s eyes.

“and what are you implying is going on between us?”

you nearly spill water all over the floor. “i…” you honestly did not think about that, “—nevermind. don’t make it weird, itoshi!”

you think you heard rin chuckling, but you’re too busy being embarrassed to bother.

(during class, you will find that rin is far from intimidating. in fact, he’s actually a little bitch to deal with. you’re starting to think that he’s more of a pain to deal with than an actual grumpy cat.

“don’t forget to buy food for our son,” rin says after class, in front of students who gossip like there is no tomorrow.

“what?”

“for our son,” rin says, nonplussed at the sight of your haunted expression.

someone who has overheard the conversation pipes up, “you two have a son?”

“we don’t!” you hiss, face burning with embarrassment at the sudden influx of attention from your classmates.

rin frowns. “don’t lie.”

“you two are starting to act like a married couple recently…” another comments offhandedly.

“itoshi walks y/n home, i saw!”

“we have a son,” rin agrees, and you’re starting to think that he’s doing it on purpose.

“stop saying that!”)

thank u art aanobrain for giving me the idea of rin just naming the cat ‘cat’. that idea is so special to me.

anyway. RIN IS SO HARD TO WRITE HELPPPP. this was an excruciating process i genuinely did not know if i did anything right but WHAT’S DONE IS DONE. thx for reading <3

[keen-li]

What you need | 03

Synopsis: everybody needs, but how do you define need? Do you even know what you need.

Genre: best friends au, angst, fluff, smut, slow burn.

Jungkook x femreader.

wc: 4.9k

Prev | next

-

Jungkook completed the end of his deal, now it’s your turn.

Your shoulders and eyebrows rise in unison as you walk into the moderately lit large space. Your eyes glance over all the arranged equipment and you can’t help but frown at yourself.

Your jean, turtle neck and black blazer outfit contradict the environment you’re in. You look so out of place that it warrants some unwanted eyes, but it could also be to the fact that you look lost.

The place is so intimidating, you feel like a little doe in a room full of lions. You wonder why they are so many men in here. You swear it was an all-gender gym.

You’ve seen this gym before but because you’ve never stepped foot into it, you barely know the layout or the rules.

The girl at the reception looked at you weird when she saw your outfit.

‘’do you have a membership?’’ she asks unamused, for whatever reason.

‘’no, I’m actually here to see a friend’’ you don’t care for a membership, with the way you walk around at work that’s enough working out for you.

‘’well that’s not how it works you need a membership to enter’’ she says matter-of-factly. You can’t help but notice how bitchy she sounds.

‘’i-well I’m not here to workout’’  i don’t know if you could tell.

She just stares at you and you stare back.

You can’t help but sigh and roll your eyes.

All this trouble just to be where you don’t want to be.

You guess that’s how jungkook felt when you had to style him and his hair for his date. But he did it anyways, and so do you. you don’t know how you’re gonna pass those doors though.

You could bolt through when someone who has a membership walks in, jungkook would laugh at that story. But you don’t want any bad blood or embarrass yourself with getting kicked out.

So you do the only thing you can do.

Call jungkook and cancel.

‘’i can’t kook because i don’t have a membership ‘’ you whine turning to squint at the girl at the reception. She looks like the type that’s bitchy cause she’s worked here for so long.

The corner of your upper lip twitches.

‘’i told her she should let you in when you come’’ he sounds so breathy ‘’did you tell her you’re here to see me’’

‘’nope but i told her I’m here to see a friend’’ you hear him chuckle. You can’t help but feel like he’s mocking you.

‘’tell her your name and that your here to see jungkook’’ his laugh dies down.

You scoff and roll your eyes. This is too much work.

‘’and how am i guaranteed that she’ll let me in?’’ you question with a little sass in your tone which jungkook catches. He always does.

‘’she will, trust me’’

jungkook knows you can be awkward, nervous and anxious in new situations. And since he knew you couldn’t walk in without a membership, he called in a favour from his good friend Liz. The woman you’re currently having a one-sided feud with.

You hum before the call is cut. And with your tail in between your legs you walk to the reception.

She stares at you ready for your words.

‘’i’m here for jungkook’’ you almost murmur almost too low for ears to catch

‘’your name?’’ you groan, how hard can she makes this for you. Being here dressed like a billionaire single mom here to see her son is embarrassing enough.

‘’y/n’’ you say tucking in your lips.

‘’okay you can go in’’

You release the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

So it was that easy, you slap yourself mentally. You give her one last look, as if apologising for overreacting.

Your heeled boots clink against the clean white floors. You’re glad the gym noises and music drown out your heels and banging hearts.

You look around for where jungkook texted you he’d be.

At the end with the dark windows.

Wooow. If only he knew how many ends had dark windows. You curse as you continue walking. You jump over rolling dumbbells and duck people doing pullups. Is this what being at the gym is:

Playing Mario kart.

You gasp when a figure bumps into you.

‘’im sorry i didn’t see you there’’ he turns.

And you couldn’t believe your eyes.

‘’hoseok? What the fuck are you doing here?’’ you once over him in his gym outfit. You never had seeing hoseok in the gym or sweaty on your bingo card.

‘’working out,duh’’ he gives you a look ‘’ i should be asking you the same, but looking at your outfit i don’t think you’re here to workout’’ his eyes glance you over, he saw you wearing this outfit at work today and he doesn’t know if he’s ever going to tell you how much this outfit doesn’t look so bad on you.

You can’t help but feel small under his intense gaze.

‘’i’m not. Just here to see a friend’’

He nods, not really caring. ‘’enjoy your workout’’ you say as he turns away.

You roll your eyes at how he just hums.

You never thought of hoseok as the gym type but you guess he didn’t get that figure for free. Maybe you should get to the gym too, hoseok was pretty much telling you that with his eyes anyways.

Now back to finding jungkook.

“yn’’ you were walking around aimlessly when a familiar voice calls out your name.

Oh that’s the end he was talking about. Honestly it looks the same with the others, except for the large punching bag hanging for the ceiling.

Your eyes are met with a smiling jungkook as you giddily walk over to him, you have to physically stop yourself from skipping.

Seeing jungkook is always comforting and peaceful.

His curly hair falls loosely on his face. It still shocks you how fast his hair grows.

His black t-shirt falls baggy over the his fern green cargo pants, you remember gifting him those when you were starting off your friendship. You didn’t know what to get him for his birthday cause you didn’t know him that well. So you just got him those pants with a hoodie. He was very appreciative. You would say you’re a better gift giver now, cause you know what he likes.

You walk over to him and his eyes don’t leave you as you approach.

You’re about to open your mouth to greet him and scold him for bad direction, but you’re shushed when his hands wrap around you and lift you off the ground. You use his shoulder for balance. The action takes you by surprise cause jungkook’s has never carried you like that, but you’ve never visited him at the gym as well.

As he sets you down you realise how nice it feels to be carried. His  hands don’t leave your waist as you look up at him.

‘’i like your outfit, but i thought you’d dress more...’’ his eyes look around and you understand what he means.

‘’i came here immediately after work kook, so i didn’t get to change’’ you stare down at your outfit with a pout. he licks his lips as he nods accepting your reason.

The close proximity causes you to see jungkook in another angle, a very good one at that. Your nose takes in his scent, even though you can smell the sweat it doesn’t bother you cause it somehow mixes with his cologne and forms a scent so masculine you wanna drown in it.

‘’plus i came here to watch you workout’’ you push him away at the chest and jungkook moves away, not offended at all. ‘’not me’’

As he moves away he realizes how carried away he got with the feeling of you being close. Having you look up at him like you just did makes his heart rate faster than exercise.

‘’i hear you chicken’’ he grins and you raise a brow at his new nickname for you.

He tries to play of the feeling of being enamoured by your scent.

‘’chicken?’’

‘’yeah chicken’’

‘’and why is that?’’ you fold your arms over your chest.

‘’because you failed to get past Liv’’

The receptionist? You roll your eyes. He can’t tease you for this cause he knows you get anxious and your brain stops working.

‘’you can’t bla-‘’

‘’chicken’’ he sing-songs swinging his head side to side as he puts his boxing gloves on.

You roll your eyes, he’s not going to stop teasing you with that.

‘’so am i a chicken or bunny’’ you take a seat on the bench next to his things, you know cause you recognize the scent.

‘’i think....’’ he pretends to think as he walk over and towers over you.

And in a low voice and flicking your chin he says ‘’...you’re mine’’

You’re taken aback by his words and it causes a tingle in your stomach. Yoiu brush off the feeling as a normal human reaction to being taken aback.

‘’i’m just joking, look at your face’’ he lets out a chuckle and so do you, but yours is more awkward.

‘’i think you’re more a bunny’’ he walks back ‘’that’s why i call you bunny’’

You just stay silent with your words not knowing what to say, you don’t think, or want to think any of it cause that’s how jungkook jokes. But it’s been a while since you’ve heard him joke like that, maybe it’s cause you were in a relationship with yunho. But now you’re not so he brings back his teasing.

That’s how he is, you can’t think more of it.

‘’oh i forgot to introduce you to yoongi’’ he says calling you from the abyss of you mind.

‘’ yn this is yoongi my boxing partner’’ he turns to you. ‘’and yoongi this is my good friend yn’’

You wave at yoongi and give him a warm smile, he simply raise his hand and mumbles out a hi.

With the way he doesn’t smile at you, you think he’s probably not fond of watchers or maybe it’s just you.

‘’you missed the warmup, but you can watch the first round’’ he informs. You hum still not used to the environment. your heart begins to quicken but you try to ignore it as you see them getting ready to start.

‘’you’re not going to wear head gear or something’’ they both laugh out and make you sound like a noob.

‘’it’s okay to take a hit or two raw sometimes, princess’’ new nickname unlocked.

You don’t know if the jk in the gym is the same one you know. He seems more cocky and ... flirty, nothing you can’t handle. Just not used to it.

You sit back and shut your mouth. You don’t want to say something and not seem like you know what you’re talking about.

‘’i’m not going to take it easy on you just cause your girl’s here ‘’ yoongi fixes his glove.

‘’i don’t need you to take it easy on me.‘’ jungkook husks out, eyes lowered and fists prepared.

Your scent grazes jungkook’s senses in that moment and he loves how, in addition to your perfume, you’ve been smelling like lavender lately.

The lavender scent is like a fuel for him.

Yoongi throws a punch and jungkook is almost met with it before he dodges it.

He grins as he licks his teeth. That would’ve been a bad way to start.

He’s tryna get you to like boxing, he can’t if he’s losing.

You’re sat shit scared in your seat as you watch jungkook almost get hit. You can’t handle this, and you just started.

Jungkook throws a punch but yoongi blocks.

Grunts, curses and smacks echo in the room as jungkook and yoongi go at it. No one’s taken a hit yet but that only makes your anxiety rise. Why does he have to have you here.

A form of motivation.

 A reminder of his strength.

That’s why jungkook boxes.

 He’s loved it ever since he was a child. He’s father had him in a class for a month before his mother said it was dangerous. If only his mother was willing to watch him box like you.

But you aren’t willing, you’re just on obligation.

‘’that was a light round’’ you hear him say out of breathe. The way he breathes and the way sweat drips down his face as he does so has your heart beating carelessly, and it shouldn’t.

You cross your legs as you watch him wipe his sweat off with his shirt.

‘’YN’’ he calls your name out aggressively.

‘’huh?’’ you come back from where you went.

‘’i said are you good, do you want water’’

You shake your head at the water.

‘’im fine.’’ You’re not. The room feels hot even though it’s an open space with air conditioning.

You wonder how much jungkook pays for that membership.

‘’good. Now time for round 3’’

Your eyes bulge out at his words.

‘’round 3?’’

Jungkook turns to you with knitted brows and laughs at then shock on your face. From your body language and eyes he can see how tired you look. You’ve been at work and it’s not fair for him to keep you here for over 45 minutes, when his date didn’t even last a quarter of that.

‘’i promise this is the last round then we can go home, okay?’’

You nod and lean back taking in the fact that you have to stay here longer. It’s getting late out and you wonder why the gym isn’t closing but then it clicks that it’s a 24hr gym.

If jungkook wanted he would stay here the whole night. Gym bros.

You stare at your gym bro analysing, there’s something different about jungkook. You wouldn’t place him as a gym bro, maybe because you know him outside the gym and he’s your friend.

But its nice and warms your heart to watch him do what he loves.

In the past two rounds not much has happened except for the hits yoongi had to take from jungkook. You found yourself unintentionally cheering, you wonder why it didn’t bother you seeing jungkook hit someone but the thought of.......

Bang.

That’s all you hear until your gasping, the blood drains from your face.

Yoongi just hit jungkook. Your mind is racing like a soccer mom until you see jungkook recover, still doesn’t help the ache in your heart.

You know it’s just a friendly game, but yoongi is really making a bad impression for himself.

The way yoongi throws another punch has you cringing in your seat.

This is torture.

For jungkook this is motivation, he blocks the third punch that comes his way.

No way he’s gonna let yoongi smack him a third time. Fuck no.

With determination filling him, he throws rapid smacks and punches. He continues until all yoongi can do is block.

‘’time out, time out, time out’’ yoongi calls out and jungkook ceases his throws. He smirks knowing he’s won.

‘’that wasn’t a win jeon’’

‘’it sure was’’ he chuckles out. ‘’what do you think bunny, did i win?’’

He turns to an exhausted looking you.

You have no opinions let alone knowledge on these things.

‘’what i think...’’ you make a dramatic pause ‘’ is that it’s time to go home’’

Jungkook scoffs as he rolls his eyes at you.

‘’fine’’ he starts taking off his gloves and bandages and nobody as ever looked hotter doing something mundane ‘’since you’re tired we’ll end it here’’

‘’how caring of you’’ you murmur.

He grabs his bag and you stand finally glad that this is over.

‘’it was nice beating you yoongi, see you later’’

Yoongi scoffs at him.

‘’it was nice meeting you yn, even though we didn’t talk much’’ he says instead.

You chuckle un-enthuastically. ‘’it was nice meeting you too, maybe we can talk when you’re not punching each other’’

You both awkwardly laugh at that.

You and jungkook walk out the gym doors as fast as light, mainly cause you’re pushing him out the door.

You walk a little slower to his car in the parking lot.

‘’you wanna drive?’’ he stretches his keys out to you but you shake your head so fast as you run to the passenger’s seat.

‘’chicken’’ he says as he opens the doors.

You’re sat and the warm air from the air conditioner pushes out the cold Seoul night air.

‘’did you enjoy?’’ his bellow voice speaks as he drives: one hand on the steering and the other on his thigh.

You turn your body to him, head still resting on the car seat and body relaxed. And as you stare at him your eyes almost closing you can’t help but think whether he looks hotter driving or boxing with yoongi.

‘’i enjoyed watching you do what you love’’

Watching him box, even though it was torture, was heart-warming. Cause even though you’ve been friends for long, there’s still somethings that you need to know and understand about each other.

‘’do you wanna watch me do it agai-‘’ he smiles but your abrupt voice interrupts him.

‘’nope.’’ You shake your head ‘’i never want to do that again’’ your head leave it’s comfortable position.

He chuckles and licks his lip. Your brows knit when you hear him hiss at the cut on the corner of his lip.

‘’you okay?’’

Jungkook’s confused at your question and when his turns to stare at you he’s met with your thumb on his wound.

‘’does it hurt?’’ you ask worried. Jungkook tries to keep his eyes on the road but his head turned to you.

‘’just stings’’ he speaks your thumb caressing his lip.

You don’t realiz but jungkook does, the way you caress his lip and stare at it makes the air tense.

‘’i’m okay yn’’ he wraps his hand around your wrist, and it’s nothing more than a warm and gentle touch ‘’but, you’re gonna make me crash’’

You were so focused on him that you didn’t realize he was driving. You feel stupid you don’t even know why you got carried away.

‘’oh, sorry’’ you abruptly move your hand away. Jungkook’s hand leaves yours almost like he didn’t want you to stop. But he lets it drop anyways, now he has both hands on the steering.

You fold your arms and let the silence sink in.

‘’who was that guy you were talking to’’ you give him a confused hum. ‘’in the gym’’

‘’uh, hoseok?’’

‘’hoseok? Isn’t that the collegue you say is a pain in your ass’’

‘’yep, but i think im a pain in his too’’ you chuckle ‘’were even’’

Jungkook shrugs.

‘’i was actually surprised to see him in the gym’’ jungkook watches you ponder on something ‘’but i guess he didn’t get that body from bossing me around’’

Jungkook looks at that lost look on your face.

‘’looks like someone has a crush’’ jungkook melodies out.

‘’heck no’’ you puff out ‘’ the last person i’d have a crush on is hoseok. He’s attractive of course but a crush is going too far’’ you argue.

‘’you think he’s attractive?’’ his voice lowers.

‘’yeah i do’’ you spit out reluctantly and watch the look on Jungkook’s face.

‘’what?’’

‘’you have a crush on him, yn’’

You scoff. ‘’i don’t have a crush on him’’ you argue. ‘’if i had a crush on everyone i found attractive, i’d have a crush on you’’ you spit out without thinking, you kinda regret saying that.

‘’i dont know if i should be offended or honored’’ jungkook chuckles.

You want to add on but his words cut you off.

‘’we’re here’’

You turn out the window and see the familiar building you haven’t seen in a while.

‘’kook, you were supposed to take me home’’ you whine.

‘’it’s the weekend, stay at mine. It’s been a while since you’ve visited me.’’ It’s almost like he’s begging you and it cause you a little smugness.

You ponder not needing much motivation anyways. ‘’okay’’

Jungkook’s surprised that you’ve accepted so easily but little does he know that you’ve been wanting an excuse to leave your house, too many pieces of yunho left around. Plus, you’ve missed you and jungkook’s little sleepovers.

‘’but i’m getting the bed’’ you declare.

‘’you’re gonna have to fight me on that one princess’’

You loved jungkook’s bed, there was something so soft and comforting about it. Maybe it’s the fluffy beddings and the fact that it smells like him.

-

When jungkook turns the lights on you realize how long it’s been and how you’ve missed the warm and homey feel of his home. Maybe it’s just because you’re finally in a place that has nothing to do with yunho.

The warm feeling in your heart extends to your skin.

Contrary to you’d thought before you met him, Jungkook’s house has a feminine and floral scent to it. Which creates a soft ambience (with the help from the light colours of his walls.)

he slumps himself on his couch, manspreading everywhere.

You place your purse on his minimalistic, white modern kitchen table.

You grunt as you slump down next to him, bodies only centimetres away from each other.

His body immediately turns to you as you sit.

‘’your house hasn’t changed one bit’’ you say and he looks around.

‘’yeah, i’m not that creative. It needs a woman’s touch’’ turns to you and you shift in your seat.

‘’you still have the plants I gifted you’’ you turn to the short three leafed one by the hallway the small one on his coffee table and the large ceiling touching one at the corner of the couch (which was a pain in the ass toe move in, for jungkook and jimin)

‘’they look healthy’’

 jungkook looks at you as you admire how attentive he’s been to your gift.

‘’yeah, i’m a great plant dad’’

You both smile.

And for a few minutes there’s a comfortable silence as you stare at each other. Nothing but smiles around, it’s almost awkward for some reason.

‘’are you sure your lip only stings’’ you go back to being worried about how it’s starting to bruise.

‘’i actually forgot it was there’’ he says softly as his fingers caress it and you watch every move he makes.

You watch him look at his fingers checking for any blood. There’s none and it cause a smile on his face, yours too.

You awkwardly and quickly move your eyes away when he lifts his eyes to look at you.

‘’you should put some petroleum jelly on it’’ you lecture out as you clear your throat.

Jungkook smiles.

‘’will do after i take a shower’’ he stands and your eyes follow him.

‘’do you wanna like..’’ he points between the both of you.

‘’ew, fuck not jungkook’’ you choke out.

‘’come on, we’ve done it before’’ he defends arms open.

‘’that was at the public beach shower and jimin and willoe were there too’’

‘’that doesn’t change anything’’ he grins sarcastically.

You roll your eyes.

You and jungkook are comfortable with eachother but you don’t think it’s that far that you can shower together. Naked.

You wouldn’t be able to do that, feels like crossing a line.

‘’go take a shower i’ll wait’’ you shoo him away.

Jungkook doesn’t argue and watches you pull out your phone.

He was only joking about the shower thing anyways, he hopes he doesn’t make you uncomfortable

But your legs on his couch make you look more than comfortable.

It makes him happy to watch you relax especially with what happened with your boyfriend, well ex now. That’s why he’s been trying to get you out and forget about it.

‘’pick a movie’’ he tells you before he leaves.

-

‘’i can’t believe how tight these shorts have become’’ you walk into the living room with the shorts you left at his house 6 months ago and one of his grey t-shirts.

Jungkook watches the subject of your concern. He doesn’t mean to but he’s got eyes. He watches the shorts you wore 6 months ago at your sleepovers and he can’t help but notice how they wrap tightly around your thighs, accentuating your curves.

‘’they don’t look bad right?’’ you frown.

And all jungkook can find to do is shake his head.

‘’as long as you’re comfortable’’ he can’t seem to move his eyes away from you.

‘’shockingly they’re still comfortable’’

You take a seat close to him and your shirt (well his) rolls over your thighs lightly.

‘’what snacks did you get’’ you lean over to the coffee table and Jungkook’s  eyes move with your body.

He can’t help but think of how a loser yunho is for letting you go. But you’ll find someone better than him. Someone who cares about you and will  take care of you like you deserve.

Jungkook coughs out causing your brows to frown.

He honestly doesn’t know why he’s behaving like this. It’s just you he shouldn’t be acting this way.

The air seems a little bit different ever since you and yunho broke up. As much as you’re still the same girl he’s known these years, same one who denies herself of good things and thinks any of these guys are good for her-ugh it pisses him off for whatever reason-

Whatever.

As much as you’re still the same girl, you just seem different nowadays and he doesn’t like it. Makes an uncomfortable feeling brew in his chest.

‘’you good?’’ you raise a brow at him.

‘’huh?’’ he sounds so dumb right now.

‘’you’re staring at me all weird’’ you give him an awkward smile and stuff your face with some snacks.

‘’yeah i was hoping you feel my glare for making me go on that date’’ he turns to the movie and grabs a can of beer.

A little beer sprits onto your thigh as he opens it. He quickly reaches out to wipe it and mumbles an apology.

Little goosebumps form on your skin at the touch and you shift in your seat.

‘’i was meaning to ask, how did it go?” you try to keep a relaxed tone.

‘’boring’’

You scoff.

‘’how was it boring? I picked the best’’ you lean your elbow against the couch to get a better look at him.

‘’you did, but she wasn’t my type’’

‘’has your type changed cause, last time i checked she’s definitely your type’’ you narrow your eyes at him.

You watch a smile grow on his face and one does on yours too.

‘’see? She is your type’’ you slap his shoulder and laugh.

‘’you’re right she is’’ he chuckles playing with his lip ring.

‘’then what happened?’’ you bug at him.

‘’i don’t know, i guess my priorities aren’t on dating right now’’

You groan at his words.

‘’then what are your priorities on?’’ you lower your voice in a mocking tone.

You watch him down his beer, place it on the table and turn to you with lowered eyes.

‘’you’’ he simply says but the one word stops your thinking and your tongue to stop.

‘’i’ve been worried about you’’

‘’and you don’t have to’’ your legs meet the carpet.

‘’you say that, but you’ve been off ever since...’’

At the thought of it your heart drops and your face does to.

‘’i don’t want to talk about it’’ you frown.

‘’that’s the problem, you’re avoiding it an waiting for the next douchebag to come and break your heart and give you a new reason to be depressed.’’ Jungkook says getting carried away in his passion to express his thoughts.

‘’what the fuck do you mean by that?’’ your reaction causes him to rethink his approach.

‘’yn-‘’

‘’-no. What are you tyring to say, that i jump from guy to guy’’ you raise a brow at him and his blood pressure raise. He knows his answer but he doesn’t think he should answer especially seeing your reaction.

‘’listen...’’

Jungkook doesn’t even get another word in when you’re standing.

‘’maybe i should just go to sleep’’ you say sounding down and jungkook couldn’t feel any sicker.

‘’yn please’’

‘’good night kook, see you in the morning’’

Jungkook sighs as he watches you disappears.

That’s not how he was wanting it to go.

He leans back into the couch. Well you did end up getting the bed after-all.

As you lay down you think about whether you’re actually upset. You know he’s kinda right, he’s delivery was awful though.

But you can’t deny.

That’s why you decided to leave the dating scene, nothing ever comes out of it but heart break.

You thought yunho would be your refuge, your final home. But instead he was your destruction and his reason for it was absolutely pathetic.

You feel a tear roll down your cheek but you immediately hide it when you hear jungkook walk in.

‘’sorry, just wanted a pillow’’

You just hum.

He grabs his pillow and you feel his figure linger for a little longer as if debating on wanting to say something.

But you assume he decides against saying anything and just walks out.

Immediately he leaves you feel the tears roll down like rain.

Jungkook can hear your sniffles from the living room and god he wishes you never met yunho.

-

an:wellllll

[lunee43]

Okay soooo I might get bashed for saying this but unpopular opinion coming and a rant hopefully this is a safe space;

.

.

Six hundred strike was amazing musically: unlike many I enjoyed the beginning of the song but by the end I was a bit put off because how does Odysseus, a mortal defeat a literal god, not just a god but POSEIDON god of the fricken sea and earthquakes? Like it’s a cool concept but it’s just… makes Poseidon look and seem weak then in the ocean saga. Sure Odysseus became a “monster” but he’s still a mortal, I also find the “six hundred strike” silly like Odysseus did that?…. Using a wind bag?

I enjoy the concept but the plot kinda turns it off for me (not that it’s bad please don’t bash me) Poseidon is one of the 3 major gods, I feel like Odysseus was made to be too overpowered I’d understand if there was a power boost or divine intervention. Poseidon is made to seem weak which contradicts seeing him as a threat. It strays from the original Odyssey way more in this song, and the song is very amazing though I find it silly how Poseidon was defeated and how Odysseus is way too over powered.

And let’s talk about the animation, the person who made it is so very talented but I feel it doesn’t fit, the jet pack windbag? Boss battle? Interesting but it really put me off when I listened and watched it it kinda ruined the aspects for me.

Overall in the end I feel six hundred strike had a good concept and was very great musically but I personally didn’t like the plot of Odysseus defeating Poseidon so easily I mean the man has many different powers aswell? Anyways this is just my personal opinion

Another rant: Also I loved the song “I’m not sorry for loving you” though I feel like if I even said that out loud I’d be bashed by the fandom because, yes, calypso is a bad person I know but the song is really nice and musical it doesnt mean I like the things she’s doing to Odysseus.

Another rant (apologies); I feel like everyone is too blindsided with Odysseus, a lot of people blame everyone but him a lot like he’s just a “cinnamon roll who loves his wife so much and the crew are all a-holes” because like eurylochus he also made mistakes aswell he tries to keep his crew alive abd get home but we do have to accept that this was from Greek mythology he is a flawed character aswell and I enjoy him for that. It makes the audience connect with Odysseus.

Another thing, wisdom saga— I feel Telemachus is used like a child a characterization of a child or teenager unlike the 20 year old he is. It’s a bit off putting for me. And it’s possible to make him innocent and grown such as the use of Polites. Personally he’s like an embodiment of a child and it’s weird to me because he’s a prince and will be king, shouldn’t he have some roles?

Now another thing connecting onto what I just said about “Odysseus does no wrong” ALOT of people in the fandom seem to use Eurylochus as a scapegoat for their hatred and anger to who’s at fault when it’s really the gods and fate, it’s just something the fandom has created to put the anger on why Odysseus couldn’t get home quickly, and I can understand because we look through Odysseus’s perspective throughout the musical. But personally I feel like Eurylochus gets too much hate he is sadly the scapegoat. Even the crew, but it’s saddening because they also have lives, they had family, they are mere mortals what are they to do? What would you all do in these situations if you didn’t know Odysseus’s plans and inner monologues? How would you act?

It’s honestly saddening you can’t like eurylochus without a person spewing about why they hate him, heck I’ve even seen just simple cute TikTok and art about the man but people place hatred within the comments about the character. And it’s only him, you could like Odysseus, polites, perimedies elpenor, Circe, etc. but hate Eurylochus?

<<This is all I have to rant about this is a safe space on my acc for all opinions so you can comment your own opinions, just don’t be mean to eachother>>

(I’m most likely gonna get hate or bashed sadly for having these opinions though I genuinely enjoy the musical a ton. I feel the fandoms grown a bit toxic lately.)

[crowdusk]

it’s so interesting to me that vegapunk called joyboy the first pirate if we think about what that actually means.

it would make sense that in this case piracy is defined by what seems to be the “true meaning” in one piece — being free, and being on the sea. luffy becomes a pirate to be free, he defines the king of the pirates as the freest person in the world, joyboy is of course linked to complete freedom and liberation.

so joyboy took to the sea, which seems to have been something no one before him did (at least not as a lifestyle, maybe for trade and stuff), and did it in order to be free. we also know he was affiliated with (and potentially came from) the ancient kingdom, but probably decided to stop living there to become a pirate. so, to him, living on land/in the ancient kingdom was also restrictive.

we know the ancient kingdom had highly advanced technology (with a sustainable fire/solar source), and was essentially already living in the future (something maybe similar to egghead, but even more advanced because of the lack of resource constraints). but clearly, it had rules and maybe roles that someone like joyboy and luffy would have still found stifling.

the other thing that’s itching my brain is the relationship to the sea. we know that the sun/sea dynamic is important and symbolic in one piece in many different ways. the sun represents freedom, but so does the sea in some ways (at least living on it in the way pirates do). pirates (in the true/joyboy sense) live at the confluence of that freedom of sun and sea — you have to have both. not be trapped under the sea like fishmen, where certain resources are scarce, and not be bound to land where there are rules, structures, responsibilities and duties. even when those structures aren’t oppressive (like they currently are under the tenryuubito) they’re not what some people would consider freedom either.

so!! we know the sea is important. we know it’s likely only this planet has a sea/oceans (for example the moon doesn’t). the sea represents mother nature to some extent. we also know the sea is deadly to/hates devil fruit users, because they are unnatural (as material representations of people’s dreams). the sea, mother nature, is to some extent the material reality of the world — dreams can the impossible possible, can make almost anything real, are so so powerful, but they still have their limits in nature and the tangible world. there has to be balance.

this is also where we see the difference between luffy and blackbeard — blackbeard says there is no end to people’s dreams, luffy talks clearly about the end of his dream and what that looks like. freedom doesn’t mean constant accumulation and infinity and hunger to luffy, it is actually something material, collective and shared with everyone in the world. freedom is something everyone chooses for themselves in their own way, but freedom requires material conditions to be met (food, safety, companionship etc). and it is for everyone, not just the strong or the few lucky ones.

this is where i have been thinking about imu and the gorosei, and the theories around them. i know the main theory is that imu is linked to the sea somehow, and probably a/the sea devil. i don’t fully disagree, but i don’t think a) imu is the sea itself, more likely has managed to harness its power somehow. because to me the sea in one piece has to be a neutral, natural balancing force. and b) i think that if imu is closely linked to the sea, they can’t have made the devil fruits (ive seen that theory too). that wouldn’t make sense, since those two things are naturally enemies/opposed. and if vegapunk’s theory is right, devil fruits are unnaturally evolved from people’s dreams, which again contradicts the laws of nature/the sea. also, just in naming, the enemies of the gorosei are always called “devils” (of ohara, potentially the will of D), so it wouldn’t make sense for imu to have made the devil fruits (unless they did make them/their initial aspects but they were stolen or turned against them somehow). it still makes more sense to me that devil fruits came out of the ancient kingdom.

i do think imu is linked to the sea in that they want to use it for their purposes, i.e. flooding the world, and it’s strongly hinted they’ve done so before during the void century. they have some level of connection to it and maybe power over it (via the island-destroying weapon which is probably uranus). their preferred way of “cleansing the world” is through using the sea. but it’s also interesting that they want to be as far from it as possible, with marie geoise being high up and well-protected from the sea. to me imu is a “sea devil” (even in the imagery it’s clearly similar to an umiboshi) in the sense that it can use the sea to its purposes of control and destruction of freedom and dreams. i’m dubious that imu has a particular magical/power connection to the sea, but i could be very wrong on that.

to me pirates’ and joyboy’s connection to the sea, including their affiliations with the people of the sea (fishpeople, merpeople, etc) is actually much better stronger and deeper, even if it isn’t always a harmonious one. pirates and devil fruit users fear the sea to some extent because they respect it, and still they choose to be in relationship to it, just as they choose to be in relationship to risk, danger and death. they know it’s something that can check them, something that can take everything away. and that’s a much healthier, balanced relationship to something that is a pure, immense force of nature. nature humbles us, nature isn’t always nice, nature takes as much as it gives. that’s important, i think.

i would really love to see that last part play out somehow, in showing that people like joyboy, luffy etc can work with the sea and adapt to it. we’ve had hints of that with noah, and wano. the answer isn’t to isolate/save yourself and kill everyone else by keeping them down, it’s to work together to adapt. and i would love to see imu and the gorosei’s use of the sea for control and oppression fail in their world-flooding/cleansing plan because they haven’t accounted for people’s ability to do that.

the sea isn’t something you can escape or fight or fully control, it’s something you can only try and shape your own relationship to. you can’t fuck with the rules and cycles of the elemental force that is the sea, as we see with devil fruits. it is unimpressed with pure imagination/desire/dreaming. it says “ok, sure, cool dream. now what are you willing to risk and suffer because you are a part of this dirt-bound, salt-soaked world.” the sea requires body, flesh, blood, bone. the sea is the sacrifice made for the dream, the price you will pay if you reach the hubris of thinking you are beyond human and humanity. if the sun is the flame of hope and desire living in the heart, the sea is the muscle and sinew that has to carry the dream, and pay for it too.

(incidentally, this is also why i feel very sure the gorosei and imu actually are shit scared of the sea. we know the gorosei af least would be vulnerable to it too so i hope it gets them somehow lol).

there’s something perverse and twisted in imu’s use of the mother flame (something derived from the sun) for destruction, and i think their use of the sea parallels that to some extent. the sea, just as much as the sun, should not be controlled/used for those purposes. the sea represents a form of freedom too — what is, and changes, and supports the world like a shifting foundation. the sun is the freedom of what could be, what’s unreachable and intangible but consistently shining.

anyways it might be that the flooding just doesn’t come to fruition because luffy kills imu and the gorosei, which would make part of my theory moot (i wouldn’t be mad about it). but i also wouldn’t be surprised if we at least get some more sea level rise before that, to the point where it seriously starts to harm and endanger people.

just my insane rambling braindump after chapter 1114!! idk if it makes any sense but if you’ve actually read this far i am sending you flowers ✨

[suzukiblu]

Thank-you sentences for derpsheep behind the cut; weird amnesia Timberkon. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“You can recognize their heartbeats?” Bernard asks incredulously–that is a very creepy and invasive thing to recognize about someone, much less be passively listening to, what the fuck–and then frowns. “Wait, got back from where?” 

“Long story,” Superboy mutters. “Alternate realities were involved. It sucked. But I got back here, and it’s supposed to be right, and there’s people I recognize, but there’s . . . different people, too. And no one here recognizes me. And I thought . . .” 

“That you were either totally insane or just stranded in the wrong reality for no discernable reason with no idea how to find the right one?” Bernard assumes. 

“That, yeah,” Superboy says tightly. “Definitely that.” 

“Good news, I guess, if you are insane, it’s a shared delusion, and if you’re in the wrong reality, so am I,” Bernard says. “Because again, I definitely remember you. And Hawaii. And Superman being dead. And like, all that shit in general. Also you kinda died that one time too? There was a statue, I’m pretty sure. Actually I think there were two.” 

Superboy’s smile is tight and humorless, and he digs his fingers into the inside of his wrist. Bernard has no clue how a dude in such severe and obvious distress can look so fucking good about, like . . . literally everything he’s got going on over there. It’s a lot of “everything”, is all. Superboy is a lot no matter what, obviously, but still. Like, extra a lot. Secret bonus levels of a lot. 

A lot. 

“I mean, there used to be,” Superboy says, and the pained smile he’s wearing turns–bitter, kind of. 

Fuck, Bernard feels so bad for this dude. Like so many levels of so bad. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way but I need to google some shit,” he says as he digs his phone out. Tim is clearly taking his sweet-ass time in the bathroom, and since he isn’t actually in there waiting for Superboy, it’s gotta be a Bat thing, which usually gives him a good fifteen or twenty minutes of fuck-around time before Tim makes it back with the weak excuse du jour. Or, like, three and a half weeks, one very memorable and kinda fucking awful time that Bernard had spent wondering if jumping into the timestream was how vigilantes ghosted you. “And maybe check some forums or something.” 

“I don’t think ‘is this weird dude at the boba shop crazy’ is gonna pop up on Bing, man,” Superboy says, still wearing the same bitter smile. Bernard wonders why he didn’t just go to the Justice League and explain himself to them. Like, they’d probably believe him, right? Or at least they wouldn’t instantly not believe him; they’d check things out or whatever. 

Alternately, though: half-Kryptonian full-telekinetic with Lex Luthor’s DNA and Superman’s face who doesn’t even know if he’s crazy or not.  

So like . . . that seems like an awkward conversation to have with Superman, maybe, Bernard allows. Or just fucking agonizing and terrifying and wildly, wildly likely to end in one of those stupid misunderstanding-based super-fights and, like, maybe also getting drop-kicked into the Phantom Zone because said stupid fight would be against Superman and that is, apparently, what Superman usually does with supervillain Kryptonians. And probably Superboy is having some very understandable issues about getting drop-kicked out of reality right now, if that’s a concern he’s had. Which–the Phantom Zone isn’t the same thing as an alternate reality, as far as Bernard’s aware, but also what the fuck does he know about the Phantom Zone? 

Bernard googles, in quick succession: Superman’s death, the Phantom Zone, and Superboy. He gets a ton of articles and photographs and blog posts with absolutely zero trace of Superboy in a single one of them, a lot of contradicting intel about what the hell the Phantom Zone actually is, and also some blurry candid photos of a ten year-old in ripped jeans and an S-shield hoodie that he’s never seen before in his life. 

. . . so that’s weird, yeah, Bernard observes, blinking down at his phone. 

“Huh,” he says, brow furrowing. “Hey, should I know this kid?” 

“Did you literally just google ‘Superboy’?” Superboy asks, which is notably not an answer to Bernard’s question. 

“Obviously, yeah, the entire internet is in my pocket, why would I not do that,” Bernard replies reasonably, still scrolling through random photos of this completely unrecognizable kid. Said kid continues to look like a total fucking stranger and Bernard continues to have zero clue who he is or why he’s wearing the “S”. Another clone, maybe? Like, an even mini-er mini-Super? Bernard can’t see his face all that clearly in any of the pics, still, but he’s at least got Superman’s coloring, it looks like. 

“Because Tim would give you shit about it, probably, I don’t know,” Superboy lies, because he very obviously does know. Probably better than Bernard does himself, come to think of it, which is kind of a weird thought but also, like, an obviously objectively true one. Superboy’s spent a lot more time with Tim than he has, even having been, like . . . unrealitied and all. 

God, that is still so disturbing a concept, too. 

[mxtxfanatic]

Jiang Yanli's Sacrifice of Love

Something that's bothered me for a while has actually been how Jiang Yanli's sacrifice at Nightless City is discussed. It was neither a spur of the moment decision nor something that she would have avoided had she "had more time to think." For one, the reason why Jiang Yanli is at Nightless City is to speak to Wei Wuxian. It's pretty clear that this is the reason, because when Wei Wuxian had gone to Koi Tower to retrieve Wen Ning and Wen Qing's ashes, he was discovered by Madam Jin outside of the palace where she and Jiang Yanli had been mourning over Jin Zixuan's coffin:

Madam Jin had good sight. She saw the features submerged in the darkness, and her face twisted at once. She yelled in a shrill voice, “Everyone! Come, everyone! Wei Ying—he’s here! He crept into Koi Tower!” Wei WuXian leaped down the roof. Suddenly, he heard a series of hastened footsteps. Somebody hurried out of the palace. He could only make a run for it.

—Chapt. 77: Nightfall, exr

Jiang Yanli hears that Wei Wuxian is in Koi Tower and immediately leaves her vigil over Jin Zixuan's coffin, but Wei Wuxian avoids her. Her only other option is to go to the Nightless City pledge banquet, because she would not get another chance. The cultivation world was planning on besieging the Burial Mounds the next day:

Jin GuangShan raised his hands, signaling for the people to be quiet and listen to him talk. When the cheers slowly died down, he continued, raising his voice, “Tonight, the ones whose ashes had been scattered were the two leaders of the Wen Sect’s remnants. And tomorrow! It will be the rest of the Wen-dogs and—the YiLing Patriarch, Wei Ying!”

—Chapt. 78: Nightfall, exr

So now we see that Jiang Yanli's presence at Nightless City wasn't an accident or plothole, and she wasn't there without the knowledge that what she would walk into would likely be bad. She simply did not care because she needed to see her didi, if only for the last time.

Jiang YanLi managed, “... A-Xian. Before... why did you run away so fast... I didn’t even get the chance to look at you, or say something to you...” ... And so, she didn’t know what else she could say to Wei Wei WuXian, under such circumstances. It was just that she felt like she had to see this brother of hers once more.

—Chapt. 78: Nightfall, exr

Now let's discuss the second part:

Jiang YanLi, “I’m... I’m here to tell you...” To tell him what? That it’s fine? That I don’t hate you? That everything is fine? That I don’t blame you for have killed Jin ZiXuan? It was impossible. But she couldn’t say anything that was the opposite either. And so, she didn’t know what else she could say to Wei Wei WuXian, under such circumstances.

—Chapt. 78: Nightfall, exr

I've seen this section analyzed in a way that makes it seem like Jiang Yanli does wholly blame Wei Wuxian for everything that has gone bad but simply has no will to speak that hatred into existence. That is clearly an overly simplistic and mean-spirited interpretation of Jiang Yanli's internal dilemma. Jiang Yanli's hesitance is not a reluctance to give validity to her hate but that she doesn't know how to directly face the contradictions in her relationship with the man she sees as her didi. When they were both children in Lotus Pier, the contradiction between she as a master and Wei Wuxian as a servant could be ignored because the strictest enforcer of them, Madam Yu, spent most of her time away from home. After the Jiang Clan massacre and Jiang Cheng assuming leadership, there was nobody who would override her stance on seeing Wei Wuxian as a true brother. When she had Jiang Cheng sneak her to Yiling to show off her wedding outfit to Wei Wuxian, she was making a conscious choice to act as if the dynamics between them have not been irreversibly changed despite Wei Wuxian's defection from the Jiang, his subsequent exile from the cultivation world, and her impending marriage into the main clan pushing for his persecution. She even invites Wei Wuxian to Koi Tower for Jin Ling's one-month celebration despite surely hearing about how terrible his reputation was at the time!

But the Qiongqi Path Ambush crushes her dreams of peaceful coexistence and pushes the contradictions to the forefront where they can no longer be ignored. Wei Wuxian is not just her didi. He is the feared Yiling Patriarch, loathed by all, and now the murderer of her beloved husband/father of her child. Her other brother and father-in-law are gathering cultivators to kill him, in turn. She is hurt and grieving, and this pain is for more than just the loss of her husband. This is the same dilemma that Jin Ling finds himself in at the end of the novel: he suddenly has to contend with the fact that his favorite uncle, Jin Guangyao, is the real reason why he was orphaned, and he must contend with that betrayal atop all of his memories of Jin Guangyao's acts of love and kindness towards him as well as the fact that the man is now dead. Does the love cover the hurt? No, but the hurt also doesn't erase the love nor convert it into hatred. Likewise, for Jiang Yanli to say otherwise to Wei Wuxian would be a disservice to both of them. Yet despite not having words prepared beforehand to discuss all of these conflicting feelings inside of her, Jiang Yanli still rushes out of the palace to catch a glimpse of Wei Wuxian, still finds her way to Nightless City, still calls him by his pet name and speaks gently to him despite having just been slashed in the back by one of his corpse soldiers.

And while she wasn't expecting it to be the last time they'd see each other because of her death, that doesn't make her sacrifice any less meaningful for the fact that she did not predict it prior to it happening. She—a notoriously frail woman who had just had her back cut open—gathered enough strength to push a grown man out of the way of an incoming attack that only she saw coming:

Shyly saying a few words to Madam Jin, [Jiang Yanli] walked to the edge of the watching platform and tossed out two flowers at them. This used up as much strength as she could muster. For one second, Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were even worried that she’d fall off. Seeing that Jiang YanLi steadied herself, they finally relaxed.

—Chapt. 70: Departure, exr

Suddenly, Jiang YanLi’s eyes opened wide. Her hands conjured up an explosive current of strength from nowhere and pushed Wei WuXian hard! Wei WuXian was pushed onto the ground again by the force. The next time he looked up, he saw the gleaming blade of a sword pierce through her throat.

—Chapt. 78: Nightfall, exr

If that wasn't an act of love, I don't know what is.

[youalreadyhavefullresults]

the mindset journey

So hi.

My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.

TLDR:

Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.

Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?

It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.

Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)

Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.

Revision is so powerful, use it.

It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.

And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33

I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

The Initial Mindset:

I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.

The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.

When Everything Changed:

I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.

For example,

“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”

Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.

“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”

I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.

“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”

First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.

“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”

Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.

“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”

Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.

“Can I manifest-”

Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.

“But-but, what if-”

Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?

I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.

How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!

-cinna

[grassyhorizon45]

Birthdays.

Marauders x Shy!Reader celebrating her birthday :D

Warnings: none, just fluff.

Words: 643

a/n: To my dear friend FaithfulSummer (@Quotev | Ig: a_corner_of_solace), Happiest of Birthdays <3

“Haaaapy birthday to you~”

It was the first thing Y/n heard as she woke up that morning. Dazed as she was, the corners of her lips still managed to twitch up into a shy smile.

Sirius climbed into her bed, running a gentle hand through Y/n’s messy hair. James and Remus stood by the bedside, one holding a nicely decorated chocolate cake while the other held the biggest freaking present Y/n had ever seen. 

“Y-You guys didn’t have to……”

“But we wanted to,” said Sirius smugly.

Remus nodded, “You mean a lot to us, bunny–”

“No day better than your birthday to express that, no?” James added, grinning.

What the boys didn’t know was that Y/n wasn’t the most comfortable with the idea of an entire day revolving around her. She hated unnecessary attention with her life and birthdays fully contradicted that.

The four cut cake and ate together in the shared dorm as per Y/n’s request.

“Open the gift, open the gift!” James beckoned, practically bursting with excitement.

Another thing Y/n avoided: Opening presents in front of people. She was terrible at reacting to things, which she realised would sometimes disappoint the giver……

“I’ll open it later. Th-Thank you Jamie.”

Remus smiled knowingly as he took another bite of cake, “How about if we all close our eyes while you open it?”

Y/n paused in the middle of taking a bite of cake. 

“Y-Yeah… Th-That would be okay.”

The three put hands over their eyes, following Remus’ suggestion.

“Wait– I don’t get it. Why do we need to cover our eyes?” James whispered as if Y/n couldn’t hear him.

“So we’re not watching her when she opens it, stupid…” Sirius playfully whispered back, earning a giggle from Y/n and a chuckle from Remus.

Y/n made her way to the spot where they’d left the massive gift. She opened it slowly, careful not to rip the wrapping paper.

“Just tell us when you’ve finished, okay bunny?” Remus said attentively.

Minutes passed of the three having their eyes shut and Sirius trying to blindly shove cake in his and James’ mouth.

“You can open your eyes now…”

Sirius, James and Remus were met with the sight of Y/n sitting on the ground, beaming from ear to ear. In front of her were the gifts they’d previously decided to wrap all together like a giant gift monster. The stack of novels from Remus, a lovely necklace from Sirius and a freshly polished broom— Comet 260 to be exact, from James.

Y/n’s smile was enough of an indication of how much joy was coursing through her veins right that instant.

Maybe birthdays aren’t so bad after all……

The rest of the day was warm and merry, feeling a little like Christmas came early with the amount of butterbeer Y/n, Lily and Marlene had at Hogsmeade. Not to mention the presents…

There was So. Many. Presents.

It wasn’t like this the previous years; being the marauders’ special one meant Y/n had a whole lot more social connections now and of course her new friends were kind enough to make this special day even more special for her.

Even Sirius’ brother, Regulus, got her a pretty notebook.

Y/n’s day would’ve been very different had the marauders not fallen in love with her first. She was grateful for them and how much their love had influenced her life.

* * *

“Hey Y/n…” Lily tapped her shoulder before passing her a neatly wrapped gift. “Got it from Dorcas, who got it from Pandora… who said it’s from Barty but he was lazy to– Nevermind. It’s for you from—”

“Happy Birthday Y/n!” 

Y/n read the pretty green card, eyes going wide as she continued reading.

“Hope you had a good one. Love from… 

“Severus Snape???”

what do you think Snape's present is? :)