#it’s like this constant back and forth
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sometimes i forget how gut wrenching dysphoria can be
#it’s like this constant back and forth#my main thing u deal with everyday of my life is my chest dysphoria#i think about it everyday. it effects me everyday of my life#it’s so crazy to think about. sometimes i think it’s like not a big deal#but it is. it’s always on my mind#wearing a binder helps soooo much like i’m very lucky#it feels so nice to feel my flat chest its amazibg#but it costs me my comfort :( i cant wear mine that long i always take it off when i’m just hanging at home#and it feels so freeing to not wear one. like physically#but it’s mentally rlly hard#i see my brother wear the sleep shirt he got for christmas and feel horrible#knowing i can’t wear mine :( it’s too tight#only on my chest. i just hate it#it’s such a fucking battle and its tears me up so bad#when i put mine on today right after i had washed it and it was so clean and fresh and nice and tight#and it was so nice to feel my chest#but then just immediately going :( knowing how much of a physical nuisance it is#it’s uncomfortable to sit and lay in#it shows around the collar of my shirt which makes me dysphoric#it’s makes my back and ribs hurt more then they already do#it’s just. a horrible mind game#ok well. im freakibg sleepy#gn
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Do peri and irep still get along? They were friends in school but what about now?
(Btw I absolutely adore your iddie bitties (?) au, it's amazing )
As of current? They're enemies once again.
Going to Boarding School forced their hands to become frenemies. It's a bit difficult to hate each other when they had to share a dorm room!! Their truce ended the moment they graduated.
Although Irep and Peri has had much less interactions since they both have very demanding jobs now.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop peri#peri#fop irep#irep#asks#itty bitties fop au#very hard to scheme and plot to kill your counterpart when you have to keep anti fairy world functioning#and its VERY hard to remember your counterpart is trying to kill you when you've a kid to watch for#their relationship is. pretty complicated.#they're close like brothers. theyre sworn enemies. they want to kill each other. nobody understands them like hte other. they annoy the oth#a constant back and forth and push and pull
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I still think about how Leo’s ideal day out for the fam’s venture into the Hidden City was basically just an effort to get some rest and relaxation because boy does he never get that ever.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#Leo is that one kid who’s like yeah dude I’m chill I’m laidback#and on the inside he’s just in a constant fetal position rocking back and forth#at least the others got a good amount of time spent in Tahiti but Leo’s out here like please god just one spa day 🙏🙏🙏#no but tbh? it’s genuinely a great look at Leo’s character that he wants to go to a spa to basically just sleep in the sun#it’s not bombastic or flashy or anything he legit just wants a good place to get proper rest and care#that hair spa can catch these hands LET MY BOY HAVE HIS SPA DAY 🔪#HONESTLY EACH PERSON’S CHOICE OF WHERE THEY WENT FOR THEIR DAY OUT SAYS A LOT#like raph wants to emulate who he perceives as those in justice in a desire to become more like the hero he so desperately wants to be#leo goes off on his own in order to let his guard down and actually rest for more than a lackadaisical facade#donnie goes with april not only to salvage his pride and condemn magic but also to hold onto his self worth and genuinely help out#and mikey thrives in family and specifically the harmony within family and how that is portrayed through the act of simply being together#in this essay I will-
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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While you're here I just want to wish you good luck on your exams! Kick school's ass!
thank you anon. the written exams are over. now's the scary part........... practical exam
#asks#anonymous#constant back and forth between ''we ball'' and ''it's over''#they got us acting like physicians. injecting with syringes pretending like I'm talking to a mother about her baby's nutrition etc etc.#IM SCARED.IM SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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the problem with reading berserk and going "ok yeah i think that was actually too much for me. like i went in with clear eyes and thought i could handle it but maybe that was too much. no shame in tapping out" is that i keep remembering parts of it that were genuinely awesome and then getting hit with the memory of like. well. iykyk and then i feel so so so so conflicted about the work as a whole that i immediately get a stomach ache
#like. i think im happy i read it? but i can never rec it to anyone and it is literally giving me a migraine im so conflicted#the weird back and forth of 'this is a work that does care about victims of sa and explores their trauma' and 'we dgaf abt women tho'#its so weird its so weird and the way that sa is a constant ever present threat to every woman on the page like thats just what#the environment in this world is like but then guts and griffith's trauma IS taken seriously so what gives#the art style? kinda awesome. the two pages devoted to the gratuitous assault of the main female character? made me like#want to throw up fr#and im not gonna feel embarrassed about tapping out on a work of fiction if the subject matter is too much but im conflicted in the way#of like. was this piece of fiction even fucking worth it. like at all. like on one hand awesome on the other i have a stomach ache
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plain and simple i am not going to be able to remain in this fandom long-term if i have to keep putting disclaimers on every single one of my posts that say i don't condone dennis' bad, bad actions and that i am in fact aware he's got a history of sexual assault and dubious/nonconsent. the entire gang has done heinous shit. why is dennis the only one who needs to be treated like this? if some rando wants to post about how dennis is pookie pie that doesn't automatically mean they're blind to his crimes. every single member of the gang is a piece of shit. that's kind of the point.
draw dennis with cat ears who give a shit
#ada speaks#i'm not vagueing this is a constant thing ive experienced#i still have angry anons sitting in my askbox mad that i didn't explicitly condemn him last time i got into this#i'm really not a fan of the tension in the fandom the last few days#and like. i know its a hot button issue rn. everyone's going back and forth abt mac and dennis' SA#but this fandom genuinely does have an issue SPECIFICALLY MENTIONING things mac does to dennis and uwu-ifying them#when they are explicitly classified as SA in canon (which is an actual present issue i think needs to be addressed)#rather than like. just the mere MENTION of dennis outside of his SA is somehow condoning his actions#im sorry but i really do not feel the need to constantly talk about him assaulting women#everyone knows. everyone sees it. just bc i am dissecting other parts of his character does not mean i forgot he's a horrible person#it just means im trying to understand where he's coming from (which obviously does not change the facts.)#viewing dennis as a person with unresolved trauma stemming from elsewhere doesn't negate the damage he is doing to other people#he's not a real person where humanizing him does tangible damage#so i am going to continue to look into shit. when i talk about the CSA he went through it's not a justification.#but it does explain his actions in a character motivation type way which is what i am interested in#seeing what makes him tick#i think most people who follow me understand this by now. but i also don't think shit we see him do constantly in canon needs bringing up.#it's the subtle stuff that ties everything together and i want to put it all together to solve a puzzle
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happy tuesday friendz & gooood morning ! i was up all night plucking little stars from the night sky to place on everyone’s head for good luck today ✩ — ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ! i hope today is magical is for you all <3
#that is my fancy way of saying i love u & i didn’t sleep LMAO#okay well i did but i woke up in the middle of the night bc my dreams like to taunt me sometimes#but we move !!#the kitties were all snuggled up hehe#my little sweethearts#they’re rascals tho bc they play a little game of trying to see who can get the closest to me & cuddle (obi instigates)#they both like to sleep on my chest and have their face right in front of mine#but also don’t *love* to share . .#so it’s a constant back and forth of them trying to move closer to me#in other news :#wrote 1.5k yesterday and feeling proud :’)#me + nina 🤝 forcing each other to write#it’s the editing that always gets me tho LMAO#i just turn a wee bit obsessive#A WEE !#hehe#okay im procrastinating i need to go to work#aka the land of no / very limited service#wishing you all a wonderful day !!!#also fair warning : i have a lot of stuff queued today . sorry in advance !#the tags reflect my sleep deprived brain so if they are unhinged well…. yes#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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I make jokes about hating Wheatley but genuinely I think if he were real I would be the one annoying HIM. My favorite past time with people like him is egging them on to say stupid shit or being annoying for my own amusement (like me arguing with my sister for 30 minutes trying to find a scenario where she would eat a small bite of human meat). I'd also probably feed into his ego like crazy for more entertainment. So he'd absolutely have a love-hate relationship with me
#one thing about me is that im annoying af#i like to get a reaction out of people#and he is very reactive#so it would be a constant back and forth#everyone would find us both absolutely insufferable#as it should be#selfship#monnie rambles
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Been on the brink of a full blown meltdown all day and couldn't figure out why I've been so out of sorts but it's art fight. It's 100% art fight. I'm stuck on the final parts of the second attack and I'm just getting more bent out of shape the longer it draws out and I've just gotten slower at making stuff lately so I'm really upset I haven't gotten more done yet this month.
That's why I've been so completely stressed out and miserable. Deadlines
#I just wish I could finish it quickly and it'd look like yk. I can't do nice AND fast it's gotta be one or the other but having a breakdown#about an entirely self imposed go is insane and completely not productive and I can't outthink it. I'm just gunna feel sick and bad#regardless which kinda sucks. I really have to start actually putting effort into improving this constant back and forth with myself is#destroying what little is left of my mental health#like I'm ok I'm not in any danger or anything just SO stressed out#sunny with clouds
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it's a damn shame that the more issues i get into skybound the less of a fuck i give to be honest
#THE GRAND SCHEMER. / * OOC . ❞#i am just not crazy over how its literally Just been fighting back and forth so far#cause i enjoy the characterizations of the characters i think they're really good and fun!!!#but thats just looking like flavor text for fighting.#also they just keeping killing off the cast like way too quickly to bring them back like 3 issues later#skybound spoilers#but theyve killed my beautiful wife starscream this issue and its crazy how like#first idw line of comics i literally screamed and cried and was ill for like 3 days afterwards when she died and with this i sorta just#shrugged. and im like oh well she'll be back in three issues probably#i think the art style is good and the characterizations are good its just.#i am not invested in the nonstop fighting. i want the interpersonal beef...#and like i KNOW the entire thing is that they're fighting but like. idk i dont need to be engaged in constant action sequences
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Thinking about going back for my masters because what's a little more debt
#i'm in a constant back and forth over this#like im already in hell might as well...#i just can't keep working at a job that doesn't even pay enough for a single apartment#but that really says more about the climate than anything because I earn well above minimum wage#addy.txt
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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"Eloise is a bad friend because she never considered who Penelope actually was!" "Penelope was a bad a friend because she put Eloise in a difficult position and betrayed her trust!" "Eloise-" "Penelope-" Maybe, and hear me out, they are both bad friends to one another? 🤷🏾♀️
#bridgerton#eloise bridgerton#penelope featherington#like there's this constant back and forth in this fandom where each side both has great points but refuses to admit it#like yeah there are moments where i think eloise could have been a bit more receptive toward pen#(not to the degree that some pen stans feel bc that's just makes the friendship even more unbalanced just to keep pen happy)#but it's also wrong to ignore how pen hurt eloise and how she often lets her own insecurities (that eloise has no control over) cloud her#like they both fumble and to only paint one as solely in the wrong doesn't really do anything#and i say this as someone who can't stand penelope!#i have a draft that goes more into depth about this but idk when I'll drop it#maybe after my rewatch#like i do think that they could come back together but it would take actual work
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Not sure if tumblr is the least embarrassing social media to essentially be talking to one’s self or the most 🤔
#I go back and forth on this one lol#I feel like Instagram stories are the least embarrassing because Insta notifications are somehow less noticeable and often don’t work lol#Like yeah I can see who’s seen it if I care to look but I don’t#but like getting crickets on tumblr? The social media for outcasts and weirdos? EXCRUCIATING#Like I just live in a constant state of embarrassment these days because I’m making a fool of myself publicly over and over and over but…#I keep posting lol maybe I should just stop using the tags so I don’t bother other ppl?#My biggest fear is being annoying 😅#(I’m being dramatic because it’s nearly dinner time and I haven’t eaten in a few hours :P)#stuff and nonsense#anyway this is why I keep making new blogs lmao
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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