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gonbe-nyanya · 4 years ago

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How to Actually Play Magic: The Gathering

Magic: The Gathering (MTG, or just Magic) is the first and one of the most popular trading card games in the world. Described as the chess of card games, you can go as complex as you want (even make a computer) or have as much fun as you want, diving into the multitudes of worlds, creatures, and characters to express yourself.

But first you need to know how to play.

Lots of guides tend to be overly simplistic, so here I’ll try to go really in-depth in the rules while still maintaining an introductory tone. I will also try to provide as many pictures of relevant cards as possible to expose you to the vast array of effects cards may have, and how they interact with what I’m currently discussing.

1. The Colors of Magic

The most defining part of Magic are the five different colors. Each has its own flavor, playstyle, advantages, and disadvantages. You can combine different colors in your deck to have access to interesting combos and to balance out your deck’s weaknesses. Different color combinations also have their own specific flavor, often embodied by groups such as the guilds of Ravnica.

White: This is the color of unity, healing, and order. Cards in this color will often gain you life, protect your creatures from damage, tax or outright prevent your opponents from doing tricky things, and make armies of small creatures that together make mighty fighting forces. It is also associated with artifacts, enchantments, and exiling.

By the way, I will be defining Magic terms as they come up, like so.

Token: A representation of a creature, artifact, or something else. You can use it like a card while it exists, but it will vanish when it leaves the battlefield. (the rest of these terms will come up soon.)

Exile: Originally called “removed from the game”, exile is a zone that is inaccessible to most cards. It makes sure your opponents’ creatures go away forever. Sometimes, creatures go to exile and come right back to get extra enter-the-battlefield effects, known as blinking.

If you see something that isn’t immediately defined, just keep it in mind. Chances are I’ll cover it in a later chapter.

Blue: This color is related to knowledge, water, and the cold. You’ll get to draw lots of cards, but your creatures will be lacking. Instead, you will have access to powerful spells that bounce, freeze, or steal your opponents’ creatures and even give you extra turns. Quelch your opponents’ attempts with counterspells. It also has affinity for artifacts.

Black: This color represents death, disease, and ambition. Full of evil kill and discard spells, you will have access to your own army of zombies, vampires, and demons. You will also be able to do powerful things, but often at the cost of cards, creatures, or even your own health. In the words of Dark Confidant, “Greatness, at any cost.”

Red: This is the color of passion, fire, and explosive power. Many of the direct damage spells, including the iconic Lightning Bolt, are Red, as well as aggressive, fast creatures and multiple combats. You will have an extreme upper hand in your first few turns, but will quickly run out of gas if you don’t use another color to keep up on card draw. Red also brings with it mighty dragons and world-morphing chaotic effects.

Green: The color of nature, Green is similar to white in its abilities to heal, create tokens, and destroy artifacts and enchantments. However, Green has a wild side and is full of giant beasts, swarms of bugs, and rapid evolutions. It also brings out lands quickly and makes tons of mana.

2. Dissecting a Card

Sidisi is a popular character that hales from the plane of Tarkir. She’ll be helping us as a prime example of what a card looks like. There’s a lot to take in, but we’ll start from the top and work our way down.

First is the border (yes, from the very top!). It seems silly, but there are actually a few different borders that mean different things. A vast majority of cards have the regular black border. You may also see cards with white borders - these tend to be older cards, but they’re just as good as the black bordered ones. Silver borders come from the Un-sets, a series of joke sets full of wacky mechanics and inside jokes. None of these cards are tournament legal, but you’re free to have fun with them with your friends. Gold-bordered cards will also have a different back, and were printed as a part of tournament-winning decks back in the day. These are not tournament legal, but since they are often cheaper than their “real card” counterparts, people will use them in casual decks.

Next is the name. “Sidisi, Brood Tyrant” is the full, English name of this card. Each deck can only have up to 4 copies of any single card (there are very important exceptions to this I will cover in the next chapter). There are also a few cards which specifically reference others by name.

To the right of that is the mana cost. In this case, we need to use one black mana, one green mana, one blue mana (each represented by their respective symbol) and one mana which can be of any color, or even colorless, represented by the 1 in the circle. We’ll find out how to get mana in the next chapter as well. As a side note, many cards will consider the mana value (formerly, converted mana cost), which is just the total cost of the card as a number. For Sidisi, it’s four.

Beneath that is the art.

Arguably the most important part of any card, Magic’s art is what really sets it apart from other games. People fall in love with specific cards for their dramatic poses, mighty beings, and stunning vistas. The art brings character to every card, and ties flavor and function beautifully. This is the best way to express yourself, and find what you really like about Magic.

Next is a thin bar called the typeline. This will tell you first what type of card it is - either a land, creature, artifact, enchantment, planeswalker, instant, sorcery, or tribal (or some combination!), which dictate how you use the card, and what other cards interact with it. Card types can be divided into permanent, which go on the battlefield once played, and nonpermanent, which you play for a single effect and immediately go to your graveyard. There are also some supertypes. Sidisi herself is Legendary, meaning she represents a specific character from Magic lore. This also means you can only have a single copy of her on the battlefield at any one moment; if you somehow get another, you’ll have to sacrifice one. Basic is another important supertype we’ll cover soon.

On the other side of the hyphen is the subtype - this is almost exclusively used for creatures to tell you what tribes they belong to. Sidisi herself is a Naga and a Shaman, and will thus interact with cards that care about that (these are often called tribal effects; for example, “Elves you control get +1/+1″). From Trilobites to Trolls, the creatures of magic are a diverse crowd.

Finally comes the set symbol, that strange orange shield thingy to the right. This tells you two things: the set the card comes from, and the rarity. This specific symbol represents the set Khans of Tarkir, so booster packs from that set may contain Sidisi. Rarity comes in 5 different colors.

Black: Common (Simple, often weak)

Silver: Uncommon (May have cool mechanics)

Gold: Rare (More powerful and complex)

Orange: Mythic Rare (The most powerful and complex)

Purple: Special (This is only used in situations such as Time Spiral, where they reprinted cards in the old border)

The rarity often (but not necessarily) corresponds to power level. It’s better to think of it as a ranking of design complexity. Newer Rares and Mythics will also have that shiny, elliptical sticker near the bottom, which simply guarantees the authenticity of the card.

The bottom half of the card is dominated by the text box. This will tell you the effects and abilities of the card. Sidisi has two abilities: one that triggers whenever she enters the battlefield or attacks, and one that triggers whenever a creature card is put into the graveyard from your library (on modern cards, this is called milling). We will go over abilities later.

Notice how Sidisi aligns with her colors. As a Naga, she is Green. Her zombie tokens are characteristic of Black, and tokens are generally Green as well. Milling is a Blue ability, and putting creatures in the graveyard to bring back to life is definitely Black.

The text box is also home to flavor text, the italicized text beneath the rules. This will often be a little blurb or quote relating to the flavor of the card. Consider it an extension of the art.

Creatures will also have that rectangle to the bottom right, called the Power and Toughness. The first number is the power (how hard it punches) and the second is the toughness (how hard of a punch it can take). This is relevant for combat and we will cover it extensively later.

Finally come all those funny symbols at the very bottom. This will include the collector’s number (199/269), the set (KTK = Khans of Tarkir), the artist (Karl Kopinski) and the copyright.

3. Lands

Lands are by far the most important component of your deck. They are what generate the mana you need to cast your spells, and dictate the colors of spells you can play.

You can play one land per turn - just plop it from your hand onto the battlefield. They have no mana cost, and thus the top right is blank.

The Basic land is the prime exception to the four-card limit, as you can have as many as you want in your deck. The Basic supertype also interacts with several cards, such as ones which let you get more from your deck onto the battlefield.

The 6 basic lands are Plains (white), Island (blue), Swamp (black), Mountain (red), Forest (green), and Wastes (colorless, only used in decks such as Eldrazi Tron, and are often not included).

This cycle comes from Lorwyn, a set based in Gaelic mythology.

All Basic lands come with the implied rules text that they can tap to create one mana of their respective color, and as such will often have the cinematic mana symbol instead.

Tap: A common cost on a permanent to activate an ability. Turn the card sideways to tap it. It will stay tapped until your next turn, when it will untap during your untap phase (more on that later). A tapped card can’t be tapped again, and a tapped creature can’t block.

Some lands, especially those that can make different colors, will enter the battlefield tapped, so you’ll have to wait an extra turn to use them. Other lands might only create colorless mana (represented by a number on older cards and a diamond on newer cards), so they’re less useful for casting spells, but will have interesting abilities, such as:

This Mutavault can turn into a creature for just 1 mana, which you can use to attack and block with. (Pop quiz: see if you can recognize each part of the card!) There are dozens more examples that do everything from draw you cards to destroy your opponents’ pesky lands.

But what exactly does it mean to create a mana? Well, really, it gets added to your mana pool, as you may have noticed on the Mutavault. This is an arbitrary place where all your mana goes so that you can spend it. This isn’t often relevant, because you’ll mostly tap your lands while casting spells and the mana will immediately be used, but there are a few scenarios where it might be useful. For example, someone targets your land to destroy it because they don’t want you to have the mana open to kill something they’ll play next. Just tap your land to keep a mana “floating”. However, all the mana in your pool will automatically drain out each time you change phases (more on those later).

Tapping lands for mana is an ability, but since it’s a mana ability, it won’t use the stack, so you can use them just about whenever. More on the stack later as well.

Most decks will be around one-third lands, with more or less depending on how low the average cost of cards you have are. The less colors you run, the less cards you have at your disposal, but the more flexible your mana base can be - more colors often use lands that enter tapped and are inconsistent at drawing the colors they need.

Have fun experimenting with your mana base, especially in casual formats. In more competitive formats, lands are actually the most expensive cards! The top lands are called the shocklands, fetchlands, and original dual lands - the last of which are several hundred dollars each.

4. Permanents

Besides lands, just about every other card you play is considered a spell when you cast it (you’ll see this on cards such as Counterspell). However, for the sake of clarity, I’ll be using “Permanent” to refer to anything that goes directly on the battlefield once it resolves and “Spell” to refer to single-use cards.

Of the card types mentioned above, permanents include lands (which we just covered), creatures, artifacts, enchantments, and the mighty planeswalkers. I’ll include a visual example of each as we go.

Creatures are your basic way of winning the game. They can attack your opponent to take down their life total, but might also have interesting abilities that make them more valuable as repeatable spells than combatants.

Incubation druid is a great example of both: she starts off as an additional land, giving you more mana quicker to play your other cards. With 0 power, she’s useless as an attacker. However, her Adapt ability lets her grow into a formidable 3/5, so you can attack and block with her much more effectively later in the game. Notice the curved arrow symbol that represents tapping.

+1/+1 Counter: This is a permanent buff to your creature, giving it an additional power and toughness each. Counters in general can come in many forms: -1/-1 counters are self-explanatory, but ability counters such as a Flying counter give your creature a new keyword. Other counters, such as Lore and Filibuster, keep track of certain things for you. Always bring a few dice with you to every game, as you’re sure to want to track some sort of counter.

Creatures enter the battlefield with summoning sickness, which means they can’t attack or use any ability that requires them to tap until your next turn. Creatures also get summoning sick when they change control. A creature with Haste, a keyword ability, lets you ignore this, and is often found on red creatures.

Artifacts, lore wise, are artificial, sterile creations of wizardry, and as such, almost never correspond to a color. They may imitate the effects of a certain color, but to prevent other colors from having easy access to it, they will often be overcosted. A common type of artifact is colloquially known as the mana rock, as it generates mana. There are many cards that interact and enhance artifacts.

Hedron Archive is a typical mana rock, costing four mana of any color and boosting your mana generation ability by two. Later in the game, if you already have more than enough lands, you can cash it in for two mana to draw some more cards. Notice the distinct metallic border.

Artifacts often combine with Creatures to form Artifact Creatures, or less commonly with Lands to create Artifact Lands.

Artifacts can also come on the form of Equipment, which will give an effect when equipped to a creature. This often comes in the form of a buff to its power and toughness, but can also include adding keywords and other cool abilities. You’ll need to equip it by paying a cost, and can pass equipment around between any of your creatures. This can result in some funny mental images, such as a cat wearing a suit of armor and wielding three swords!

Enchantments are similar to artifacts in that they sit on the battlefield and have an effect, but they will have color. Also, Green and White excel at “cleansing” both by destroying them, but Red is only good at blowing up artifacts - after all, an ogre with a mace can smash a rock, but not a mystical spell.

Some enchantments have the subtype Aura. This means you cast them targeting a specific permanent, and they will enter the battlefield attached to that permanent like a piece of Equipment. These, however, can’t be moved around, and will fall off and go to the graveyard if the thing they enchant ever leaves the battlefield. Auras will often buff creatures, but can also subdue permanents or boost a land’s mana production.

Planeswalkers are the newest and arguably the most powerful of the permanents. They represent the primary characters of MTG lore, beings who have incredible magical prowess and can teleport from plane to plane. They are (as of yet) all legendary, and thus you can only have one of each at a time on the battlefield.

They look pretty weird, don’t they? Instead of a power and toughness, they have a loyalty in the bottom right. Each planeswalker will enter the battlefield with that many loyalty counters on it. You can activate one of its abilities on each of your turns by adding or subtracting the indicated loyalty. Once a planeswalker is at zero, it dies and goes to the graveyard (or rather, gets fed up with your mishandling and teleports away, as per loyalty flavor). Planeswalkers can also be killed by spells that specifically target them, when they’re dealt damage, or when they’re attacked by creatures. Their last ability is often incredibly powerful, and is called an “ultimate”. Newer planeswalkers sometimes also have static abilities.

Planeswalkers are not creatures, and can’t attack or block. That being said, there are some planeswalkers that can turn into creatures.

Permanents are very useful, as they stick around and provide value turn after turn. Many strategies revolve around certain tribes, or using artifacts. Creatures are the main way to get damage through to your opponent to win the game. And planeswalkers have powerful abilities, requiring an answer from your opponent to stay in the game.

5. Spells

As stated above, all nonland cards are technically spells when cast, but here we will talk specifically about Instants and Sorceries. We will also define timing, as instant- and sorcery- speed is something we will discuss often when looking at casting spells, activating abilities, and using the stack.

Sorceries are your basic single-use card. Pay their cost, they’ll resolve, and you’ll get their effect once before they go to the graveyard.

Something I haven’t brought up yet is when you can play cards. We’ll go over the turn structure more in depth, but for now, know there’s a beginning step, a main phase, a combat phase, and a second main phase. You can play any of the previously mentioned cards, including sorceries, and activate planeswalker abilities, whenever it’s your main phase and the stack is empty.

The Stack: Whenever you cast a spell or activate a non-mana ability, or a triggered ability triggers, it will go on the stack. Things on the stack resolve last-in, first-out.

Instants are just like sorceries, but you can cast them at any time you have priority. This means they can go on the stack above other spells, which allows them to interact with other spells. Activated abilities can also be activated whenever, except for planeswalker abilities and those which specify otherwise.

Priority: When you have priority, you will have an opportunity to cast spells, play lands, and activate abilities. Everyone gets priority every phase, and it starts with the active player (whoever’s turn it is) and is passed around in turn order.

Whenever something goes on the stack, priority is passed around as well. Once each player has passed priority, it resolves and priority is passed once again for the next thing.

You can hold priority to cast multiple spells in a row.

Here’s a quick example to see how spells, abilities, and priority all interact on the stack:

Johnny and Timmy are playing each other, and it’s Timmy’s main phase. Johnny has a 0/2 Incubation Druid.

Timmy plays a Bala Ged Scorpion, which goes on the stack. Priority is passed around and it resolves. Its triggered ability goes on the stack, and Timmy targets Johnny’s Incubation Druid, since its power is 0, less than 1.

Since the ability is on the stack, Timmy gets priority and passes it to Johnny. In response, Johnny casts Burst of Strength, maintains priority, and casts a second Burst of Strength. Now priority passes between them for both, and they both resolve. Incubation Druid is now a 2/4.

Priority passes for Bala Ged Scorpion’s ability, but since the Incubation Druid now has more than 1 power, the ability does nothing and fizzles.

Fizzle: A spell whose target is no longer legal does nothing when it resolves. This is colloquially called fizzling.

Assuming he had the mana for it, Johnny could also have activated Incubation Druid’s Adapt ability in response to the Bala Ged Scorpion, making it a 3/5 and also letting it survive.

There are lots of cool things you can do with the stack, such as making slick plays to foil your opponents’ spells or to copy big spells for massive value.

Some permanent cards have Flash. This is a keyword ability that lets you play the card as if it was an instant. Teferi, Mage of Zhalfir is the quintessential Flash card, as it also gives your other creatures flash and prevents your opponents from playing at instant speed.

6. Where are We?

I’ve been throwing around terms such as Graveyard and Battlefield, so what exactly do these mean? Well, these are all zones. We’ve already looked at one zone - Exile. The Stack is also a zone.

A zone is a place where cards can exist. They may have abilities that work while in that zone, most often on the battlefield. Public zones are where all the cards are known. This includes the Battlefield, the Graveyard, and Exile.

Urabrask’s ability only works while he’s on the battlefield, and only creatures you control on the battlefield would get haste - after all, those are the only ones who can use it, anyways. Yixlid Jailer takes away abilities from cards in graveyards, so Momentary Blink would not have Flashback while it’s there. Momentary Blink also exiles a creature (using the old wording of “removed from the game”) and brings it back, known as flickering.

Private zones are anywhere where cards are not public information. This includes your hand and your library. Thoughtseize, and other similar hand disruption spells, let you take a peek at what your opponent has. Loads of cards like Armillary Sphere let you search your library for cards. Others may reveal the top card of your library, or let you look at the top few.

It’s also possible to have “hidden” cards in public zones. Willbender feature the Morph mechanic, which lets you cast it face-down as a 2/2 creature. This means your opponent won’t know what it is until you turn it face up, but you will. Other effects might put cards face-down in exile, where you could cast them.

Whenever a card changes zones, it becomes a new “object”. That means all counters, equipment, and auras fall off, and it is no longer being targeted by anything that was targeting it before. A classic use of this rule is flickering a creature being targeted by a kill spell - even though it comes back to the battlefield, it is a new object and is thus no longer being targeted by the kill spell. The spell will fizzle and your creature will be safe.

7. Starting the Game

Ok. So you’ve got a basic understanding of all the cards and the different locations. How do you get started actually playing?

There are lots of ways to play the game, but I’ll start out with the most common: a 1v1, best of 3 duel. This will also get a little bit into deckbuilding, but there’s a lot more on that later.

Most 1v1 decks will be 60 cards. In fact, this is a lower limit, and you can have as many cards as you want, but it’s convention to stay at 60 cards to maintain consistency. In a best of 3 match, you will also have a sideboard - 15 or less cards that may target specific strategies such as graveyard decks or artifact decks. After your first game and seeing what your opponent is playing, you’ll be able to switch out cards in your deck for the right silver bullets for games 2 and 3.

Common sideboard cards against Burn, graveyard, and artifact strategies.

If you’re playing a casual game with a friend, feel free to omit the sideboard, but it’s a staple part of competitive play and is a fun way to personalize decks in strictly defined metagames.

Now that you’ve got a deck (and presumably, a friend with a deck as well) shuffle up. Cut your opponent’s deck by putting the top half on the bottom (a customary ritual to prevent cheating) and let them cut yours. Figure out who’s going first by rolling some dice (whoever wins gets to choose, but generally going first is preferred), and draw seven cards.

You may not like your hand for several reasons. Maybe you have too many lands, or none at all. Your lands might all produce the same color of mana instead of all the colors you need, or you might have only highly-costed spells and nothing to do on your early turns.

No problem, just shuffle it back in and draw seven more. This is called mulliganing. You can do this as many times as you want, but don’t be too hasty, because once you find a hand you like, you’ll need to put one card from your hand on the bottom of your library for each time you mulliganed.

Now it’s time for your first turn. But before we really get playing, let’s look at the structure of a turn.

8. Phases of a Turn

credit to u/paper_alien

From this fancy diagram, we can see that your turn is broken down into roughly three different parts. I’ll be including examples of cards that interact with each phase. First is the beginning phase.

Your untap step is right at the start, when all your permanents untap. Simply turn them right-side up. Claustrophobia would prevent one of your opponents’ creatures from untapping, rendering it useless as an attacker and blocker, as well as preventing its tap abilities from being used. No player gains priority during the untap step, and play immediately proceeds to the upkeep step.

Normally, nothing happens here, unless an ability triggers. For example, the Luminous Angel gives you a 1/1 token on your upkeep. Players will get priority, so you’ll have a chance to cast instants or activate abilities as well.

After that is the draw step. You immediately draw a card, and abilities like that of Font of Mythos will trigger. Again, priority passes around. Once you’ve finished with the draw step, move on to your main phase.

Side note: Normally, players will typically condense these three steps into one (untapping and drawing), because it’s rare that you do play something here, but the steps are distinct for those cases in which you do need to take an action.

As mentioned above, your main phases are the only times you can play lands and non-instant spells, as well as activate planeswalker abilities. They sandwich your combat phase. It’s uncommon for cards to trigger during your main phases, but the two above are prime examples of such cards. Many activated abilities will also have an explicitly written restriction to only use them during your main phases.

The combat phase is the most complex, as it is really made up of five to six distinct subphases. First, you declare that you are going to move to combat. This will trigger cards like Hazoret’s Favor, and will give your opponents an opportunity to subdue your creatures before they can attack but after you have a chance to cast relevant non-instant cards.

Once priority is passed around, you move to the Declare Attackers step. Here, you will tap each creature you want to have attack, meaning you can only attack with untapped creatures, and declare the player or planeswalker it will be attacking. Creatures do not attack other creatures (this isn’t Hearthstone), and instead your opponent will have a chance to block your creatures with their own.

This happens after priority is passed around and you move to the Declare Blockers step. Your opponent will choose which of their untapped creatures they want to block your attacking creatures. Each creature can block up to one other creature, but any number of creatures can block one creature.

Next is the Damage step. Here, each unblocked creature will deal damage to the player or planeswalker it’s attacking, and each blocked or blocking creature will deal damage equal to its power to the creature(s) it’s been pitted against. If one of your creatures is being blocked by multiple, you need to divide its power among them. For example, a 3/3 being blocked by two 2/1′s must deal 1 damage to one and 2 damage to another. All creatures who have been dealt more damage than their toughness die and are put into the graveyard.

The theoretical sixth step actually occurs before the Damage step - the First/Double Strike step. If any creatures with first strike or double strike are involved in the combat, this step will be created and those creatures will have an opportunity to deal damage before other creatures. For example, if a 5/1 with first strike is blocked by a 3/3, the 5/1 will deal 5 damage to the 3/3 before it has a chance to fight back, and the 3/3 dies. Double strike means the creature deals its damage twice - during this phase and the regular combat phase.

Finally is the End of Combat step. Similarly to the Beginning of Combat step, this is mostly a formality, but some cards do trigger here (such as the Wall of Cinders), and priority is passed around.

Notice that you also get priority after every one of these phases, meaning you have tons of control over what happens. This allows you to play combat tricks. For example, say you attack with a 4/4 and your opponent has a 4/2. They might think you just want to trade creatures (meaning both die) and blocks your attacker. Before damage, you have a chance to play Giant Growth, pumping your creature out of range of your opponent’s creature, so yours survives.

This is also a great time to cover the keyword abilities I’ve been bringing up throughout, as many of them concern combat. Many of them are fairly self-explanatory, and are not exclusive to creatures.

Deathtouch: Whenever this creature deals damage to another creature, that creature dies.

Defender: This creature can’t attack. Often seen on Walls.

First Strike/Double Strike: As mentioned above, these let the creature deal damage before other creatures. Double Strike means it deals damage twice, once in the first strike damage phase and once in the regular phase.

Flash: You can play this card at instant speed. Can appear on any permanent card.

Flying: This creature can’t be blocked except by other fliers and creatures with Reach.

Haste: This creature isn’t affected by summoning sickness.

Hexproof: This can’t be targeted by your opponents’ spells and abilities. This doesn’t prevent it from being affected by “choose” or “all” effects.

Indestructible: This can’t be destroyed by damage or effects that say “destroy”. It can still be sacrificed, exiled, or given -X/-X to reduce its toughness to 0.

Lifelink: Whenever this deals damage, you gain that much life.

Reach: Can block creatures with flying.

Shroud: Like Hexproof, but also prevents you from targeting it (for example, with a pump spell or equipment).

Trample: Excess combat damage can be dealt to your opponent. However, you still need to deal lethal damage to any blockers. For example, a 5/5 with trample being blocked by a 2/3 must deal at least 3 damage to the 2/3 so that you can deal 2 damage to your opponent.

Vigilance: This creature doesn’t need to tap when attacking.

Menace: This creature must be blocked by at least two creatures.

There are many, many more keyword abilities, but these are the most common - the rest you will come across as you explore the different sets and planes.

After your second main phase comes the end step. In reality, you’ll care more about your opponent’s end step, because it is the optimal time to play removal, card draw, or other useful instants because it will give your opponent the least amount of time to react before your next turn. However, once priority is passed during your end step, check if you have more than seven cards in your hand - the maximum hand size. if you do, the cleanup step is created. Here, you must discard down to seven cards, and there will be another chance for priority after that. Seven is the default maximum hand size, but there are many cards that let you play around with that.

So now you’ve got your deck, you’ve mulliganed as you need, you’ve played an Island. I see you preparing to cast that Opt - but wait! Casting a spell is quite a bit more complex than it first seems, so let’s go over that now.

9. Casting Spells and Activating Abilities

All this time, I’ve been talking about casting and activating without really explaining exactly what that means, so now let’s make sure you know what that means. There is a lot of nuance to properly casting a spell, but once you understand it, you can ignore all the decorum in most cases. However, it’s still important to know exactly what happens to prevent common misunderstandings, and because Magic is full of strange cards that love to bend the rules; you will doubtless find fun corner cases.

The steps to casting a spell and activating an ability are identical except the first, so I will be going over them together, referring to casting a spell.

Declare you are going to be casting the spell by putting it from where it is (generally, your hand) onto the stack. An ability will be put onto the stack as an arbitrary object.

Declare all the additional and alternative costs you wish to pay (for example, Vandalblast’s Overload cost), the mode of the card for split cards (such as Assure // Assemble) and double-faced cards (such as Alrund, who is also a bird on his other side!), and define the value of X (such as for Chalice of the Void), which you can pay for in mana of any color.

Choose the targets of your spell. You must have a legal target for each time the word “target” appears on the card (this is when effects such as “When this becomes the target of a spell” are triggered and go on the stack, to be sorted out and resolved later).

Now determine how much you need to pay. This includes cost reductions and additional costs, such as for Torgaar, as well as taxing effects (i.e., “noncreature spells cost {1} more to cast).

Activate mana abilities, such as those from your lands and mana rocks, and pay all costs as required. This means, for example, that you can tap a creature that produces mana and sacrifice it to pay for Torgaar.

Congratulations! Your spell or ability is now on the stack. Abilities that trigger while you are casting your spell, such as Talrand’s, will be on the stack above it and will thus resolve first. We covered fizzling before, but to clarify, a spell will fizzle only if all its targets are no longer legal, either through dying, or gaining Hexproof, or some other means. This means you get no part of its effects. If it has multiple targets, and only some become illegal, the card resolves as normal.

Like I said, you really don’t need to understand all of this in depth, but it helps clarify the occasional odd rules interaction.

10. Abilities

There are four types of abilities that you might find on cards. The one we’ve just covered extensively was activated abilities, which further come in two forms.

Draconic Disciple handily features both: a mana ability, and a normal activated ability. Notice that all activated abilities use the syntax “Cost X, Cost Y: Ability.” As we covered last chapter, you need to use mana abilities before paying costs when activating an ability, so you couldn’t tap Draconic Shaman for mana for his own ability as well as tap him to summon the dragon.

The main distinction for mana abilities is that they don’t use the stack, resolve instantly, and can be used while casting spells. An activated ability is considered a mana ability if and only if all it does is create mana. That means that Deathrite Shaman’s first ability is not a mana ability, because it exiles a land in addition to creating a mana.

The three other types of abilities are triggered abilities, passive abilities, and replacement effects.

Vanquisher’s Banner features a passive ability by giving all your creatures of a certain creature type +1/+1. It’s pretty straightforward: a static ability simply applies as long as the permanent which has it is on the battlefield. There are nuances in “layering”, but this is already far more complex than you’ll need to know for the majority of games. Feel free to read that article, though.

Vanquisher’s Banner’s third ability is a triggered ability - an ability that goes on the stack when something happens. This could be casting a spell, a creature entering the battlefield, or drawing a card - or just about anything. These are generally in the form “When” or “Whenever”, and should not be confused with replacement effects.

Replacement effects, like the one seen on Teferi’s Ageless Insight, come in the form “If... would... instead”. They are similar to triggered abilities in that they occur in response to something happening, but they don’t use the stack. Instead, think of them as modifiers to abilities. For example, if Teferi’s Ageless Insight was formatted like a triggered ability, drawing you a card each time you drew a card, you’d be stuck in an endless loop of drawing. Instead, replacement effects only apply once to each thing they modify.

There are many ways that abilities might manifest themselves, and they don’t always need to be on the battlefield. Bridge From Below’s wall of text works when it’s in the graveyard. Skyscribing’s ability only works from your hand, and is keyworded by Forecast, which only appeared in the original Ravnica set.

The best way to experience all the different interesting abilities and cards is just by playing and expanding your collection. Enjoy playing around and learning more about the game.

This is just about all you need to know to understand the game itself. However, Magic cards just love bending the rules, so you’ll always be encountering interesting rules interactions that will teach you more about the game as you play.

11. Formats

Here is where the fun really begins. Choosing a format is like choosing a social media platform: it comes with its own drama, flavor, speed, and player personalities. All formats use 60 card decks with 15 card sideboards, and start at 20 life, except Brawl and Commander. Each format has its own banlist, so make sure you check that before building just any deck. However, feel free to totally disregard all formats and just build whatever deck you want to have fun with friends!

Here are the most popular formats:

Standard: Probably the most popular 1v1 format, Standard uses cards from the last few sets, and constantly rotates. Deck prices can range from under 100$ to over 500$ when certain powerful cards are in rotation, but when a card rotates out, it can lose its value if it isn’t played in older formats. It can be competitive, but also lets you play with fun new cards in a weaker environment.

Pioneer: The newest official format, Pioneer uses cards dating back to the set Return to Ravnica. It has the same fresh feel as Standard, but doesn’t rotate and is closer in power level to Modern.

Modern: This format uses cards from the newest set all the way back to Eighth Edition from 2003. Decidedly more powerful than Standard, and expensive as well. Competitive decks can range from 200-1000$, but the vast size of the card pool means you can find budget builds and underdog decks to tinker with.

Legacy: You can use any card in the history of Magic, except those from the Banlist. The power level is incredibly high, yet the stereotype of 2-turn games is not as true as one might think. Because of the original dual lands, decks are often over 1000$, but mono-colored decks such as Burn can be brought down to 200$. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Vintage: Like legacy, all cards are at your disposal, and this time, instead of a banlist, you have a restricted list, meaning you are limited to 1 copy of certain cards. A single copy of Black Lotus can be tens of thousands of dollars, and is a staple alongside the rest of the Power Nine. Very few play it because of the price tag, but it lets you tap into the true power of the oldest Magic cards.

Commander (AKA EDH): Play with any card, like Legacy, but with the distinct Commander banlist. The deckbuilding process here is very different: Pick a legendary creature you like, and pick 99 more cards that are of the same color(s) as your commander. This is a singleton format, meaning you can only have one of each card except for basic lands. Commander is also a multiplayer format, played in pods of 3-6; most often 4. Your commander starts in the Command Zone, where you can cast it. Each time it dies, it goes back to the Command Zone, where you can replay it for an additional 2 mana each time. The multiplayer nature, 40 starting life total, and high variance make Commander incredibly casual, much more a social event than a game. Have fun casting huge spells, playing pet cards, and embodying your commander. That being said, there’s a competitive scene in EDH, known as cEDH.

Brawl: Ah, Brawl. Commander’s younger, forgotten brother. It’s a cross between Commander and Standard, in which you have a commander (in this case, it can also be a planeswalker) and must have singleton copies of cards. Like Standard, you can only use cards from the last few sets, your deck is only 60 cards (no sideboard, though), and games are 1v1. You start with 25 life. Almost nobody plays this in person, but it’s very fun on MTG Arena.

12. Where to Play

Assuming you don’t have a group of friends ready to accept you into their playgroup, finding people to play with can be hard. First, I’d recommend checking Wizards of the Coast’s official Store Locator to find local game stores that might be hosting events and selling cards. If you go to their websites, they’ll often have calendars listing events by date, format, price, and prize. Explore and find one you like. MTG players are generally friendly, and will be willing to accept you into their playgroup, teach you about the game, and maybe even let you borrow a deck!

If you don’t feel like playing in person, there are several online options.

Magic Online (AKA MTGO or MODO) is the primary official way to play. Pay 10$ for an account, and you can buy, sell, and trade cards as if they were real. No really - Magic cards are almost like stocks, and MTGO cards are basically digital versions of Magic cards, so their price will generally mirror their real world counterparts, albeit at a lower price.

Magic Arena (MTGA) is the newest official online game. It only has cards from recent sets, back to Kaladesh, as well as a few odd cards hand-picked for Historic play (a format specific to the game that uses all cards available). Because of the smaller card pool, MTGA is limited to Standard, Brawl, and Historic as the primary game modes. However, it is free to play and your collection can’t be traded, so you collect cards somewhat like Hearthstone.

There are also a few unofficial programs, including Untap.in, XMage, and Cockatrice, which are free and give you access to the full range of cards for testing new decks before you buy them in paper.

Make sure you keep track of MagicFests, official conventions hosted both around the world and online, to meet tons of new people and play in competitive events.

Ultimately, though, many people choose to play at home around the kitchen table with friends and family. Play wherever and however you feel most comfortable; after all, Magic’s best aspect is self-expression.

13. Accessories

Credit: Tolarian Community College

If you’ve visited a local game store by now, you may have noticed that they sell way more than just cards. There are a myriad of accessories you can use to personalize your game and protect your cards.

Dice: from D4′s to D20′s, you can find these in countless colors and styles. Have fun picking your favorite and use them to keep track of life totals, counters, tokens, and more.

Sleeves: These can come in many different colors and designs, but vary wildly in quality. Pick the ones that feel right for you. These will help you shuffle your deck with ease and prevent your cards from getting damaged. Inner and outer sleeves provide additional protection for your most valuable and prized decks.

Deckboxes: Again, tons of variation. The right deckbox for you will depend on how many cards you want to fit in it, if you want space for dice, the design, and much more.

Playmats: These provide a sleek surface for you to easily pick up, tap, and move your cards around. Pick ones with your favorite Magic art, or order one with your own.

Trade Binders: Once you’ve built up a collection, you might have a few valuable cards you want to show off. Put them in a trade binder, and approach people to find other neat cards you might need.

Tolarian Community College on Youtube provides the best reviews of popular accessories, rating and testing them thoroughly. He also dishes out incredible commentary on new sets and the state of the game. Probably the most popular MTG Youtuber out there.

14. Further Resources

You’ve made it this far, but there’s still so much to explore! Here, I’ll be listing plenty of websites that are excellent resources to expand your understanding of the game.

The official rules: Quite dry, but this is where to go if you ever find a confusing interaction.

Tolarian Community College: I just discussed him, but I must reiterate how awesome his channel is.

Scryfall: A powerful search engine for all the Magic cards you might be looking for. What I’ve been using for card images this whole time. WOTC’s official Gatherer pales in comparison.

TCGPlayer: My favorite way to order cards online, but alternatives include Card Kingdom, StarCityGames, and ChannelFireball.

MTGGoldfish: An excellent all-round resource for keeping track of metagames, card prices, and interesting articles and gameplay. You can also use it to find, build, and share decks and see their prices.

EDHREC: This site conglomerates EDH decks from around the internet to give you a condensed list of the best cards by commander. A must-have resource when building new commander decks.

Last but not least, the best way to learn to play Magic is to watch others. I started out by watching gameplay from Grand Prix’s and other competitions on Youtube. Even though I barely knew what the cards were, I quickly picked up the most popular ones, learned common play patterns, and more. You don’t need to be a pro to learn from them.

15. Have Fun!

Yeah, it’s cheesy, but as I’ve reiterated, Magic is a game of self-expression. With thousands of cards to pick from, plenty of formats, styles, and accessories, customize your play experience as much as you want and be comfortable with that. Meet new people, participate in trading, and play in local events. Magic is what you make of it, so make it the best it can be.

#mtg #magic the gathering #mtg guide

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yandere-vale · 4 years ago

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Yandere Ember McLain Headcanons.

"You will remember my name, you don't have a choice otherwise."

* The Ghost Zone is a lonely place where the dead go to exist on and on forever. A place where the warmth of the sun never reaches. A void of darkness where nothing alive can or does exist.

* It's a place where one can get stuck in their own head, left to their own devices to stew in hate. Hate for how they died, how they tried to escape, and how they were bested and forced to return to this dimension.

* And thus was the fate of Ember McLain. Time and time again her attempts to rebel against the chains that bind her soul to this hell scape had been stopped by one teenage boy. It ate at her from the inside out. She's had time to think, think over and over of her defeats. Every time she was sent back here. Always alone. ALWAYS ALONE.

* Why can't she just have what she wants? Everything she'd ever wanted had been taken from her, her life and chance at ruling the living world. So why can't she just have one thing for herself. That is until she found you.

* You seemed like an ear worm to Ember at first. Walking around her empty mini-realm inside the Ghost Zone, every so often she'd feel a buzzing in her ear. At first it wasn't happening very often, but quickly grew to be a daily thing over time. It sounded like singing her name. No it was someone singing her name.

* It had been so long since anyone alive spoke her name, let alone sung it. It made her feel..something. She didn't know what it was having been dead for so long. But it felt right in her cold dead heart. She thought that she'd be forgotten and waste away just like all the rest.

* Ember stalks you for a long time. Being a ghost makes it easy to phase through your walls to either look through your things or to watch you go about your day. She's ecstatic when she finds a few old copies of her CDs in your room. Seems like all of them weren't destroyed after all.

* She hasn't felt love like this in a long time for someone with a still beating heart. But the way you sing her songs to yourself as you move around your home lights a fire in her that she can't put out. Because of it, sometimes when you are singing, you swear that someone is matching you in a duet. Though the other voice stops once you do.

* You start receiving gifts on your doorstep every morning. Packages filled with Ember merchandise from buttons to shirts to stickers. She wants you to have more things of hers. She wants you to be on her mind just as much as you are on hers.

* I don't see her getting violent with others that take up your time. Murder only adds more ghosts to the mix and she wants to be the only one in your life. I see her either using the fact that she's a ghost to scare away any potential lover, or she'd use her music to control their minds to make them avoid or even hate you.

* With you she uses the same music to subtly make you isolate yourself from your friends and family. You don't even know you're doing it. The way she sings to you at night while you sleep. The words of dark and twisted romance drowning out all other thoughts then of her.

* Ember wants to take you back to the Ghost Zone to live with her but she has to restrain herself. She can't just take you out of the blue. It might alert a certain boy who will try and stop her. So she'll just keep isolating you and having you unknowingly do the same. She wants to be the only one in your life. And she'll stop at nothing to achieve her goals.

#yandere #danny phantom #ember mclain

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thefandomlesbian · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! Can we get some cute and wholesome Jemily at a carnival headcanons? Bit of a strange request, sorry.

it’s not strange at all! I love this idea!

Emily and JJ pick out carnival food to share. They each try something adventurous. Emily tries fried Coke. JJ tries fried Cheetos. They share funnel cakes and elephant ears, though they argue about toppings.

Emily is an adrenaline junkie who tries all of the roller coasters. JJ does not share her love of roller coasters and stands back to hold her things so they don’t have to rent a locker.

Emily convinces JJ to get on the Rock-O-Plane with her. When they get off, Emily vomits and JJ is close to it. Emily isn’t ready to quit, though.

Emily is very much a, “Don’t waste your money on carnival games,” person. JJ is very much a, “I’m good at carnival games, give me five more dollars and I’ll win you that stuffed monkey,” person.

JJ’s sports experience does come in handy, and for the carnival games that aren’t outright rigged, she wins quite a few things without spending too much money.

Emily has to ride the drop tower from each side at least once. She takes her phone with her to take pictures from up top. It takes her so many tries to get good pictures from every angle that she has horrible whiplash the next day. JJ gives her neck massages and tries to get things for her to make her more comfortable.

They each pick a design to have painted on the other’s face. Emily gets painted like a tiger. JJ gets painted like a butterfly.

They make it their mission to destroy one another at bumper cars, until they inadvertently start a rivalry with Morgan and Reid, and then they share a car and crash into those boys as hard as they can manage. This initiates a full-scale war between the four of them. Penelope tags along with Morgan and Reid to try to gently discourage them from becoming too violent; Rossi eggs on JJ and Emily to ride the most devastating rides and take Morgan for all that he’s worth. Hotch, the responsible leader, stands around holding everybody’s things and saying silent prayers that everyone leaves the carnival with their limbs intact. When they return and Reid is greener than the leaves on the trees, Hotch scolds all of them. “I told you guys, he gets motion sick! What did you do to him?” Emily proudly announces that they out-spun Morgan and Reid on the teacups and Reid projectile vomited and got the ride closed down for the rest of the day.

Emily takes a selfie of them kissing on the top of the Ferris wheel in front of the setting sun as the carnival below begins to light up with nightfall, and this becomes Emily’s lock screen.

JJ makes sure to win mementos for everyone (and when she can’t win things, Emily has no problem stopping in the souvenir shop). Rossi gets a mug and a shirt that say “World’s Best Dad.” Reid gets a book on the history of amusement parks and carnivals. Penelope gets a sparkly rainbow stuffed animal and a book of stickers. Morgan gets a basketball JJ won for him after beating him at the basketball game. Hotch gets the giant teddy bear Emily won for him and gave him as an apology for making him their coat rack all day, but it’s so large that they have a hard time fitting it in the Suburban. Hotch wants to just leave it, but Emily entices him by promising that Jack will love it, so... she gets to ride all the way home with it in her lap. Emily buys JJ a little necklace with the charm “not all who wander are lost” and JJ buys Emily a necklace with a hot air balloon pendant.

#jemily #Jennifer Jareau #aj cook #paget brewster #emily prentiss #criminal minds #my writing

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diyunho · 4 years ago

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The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 5

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

4 Months Pregnant

“I need customized stickers that say Baby On Board for my purple Lamborghini and the other cars I drive,” The Joker growls at his own idea whilst sharing it with the person fulfilling his wacko trades: Franco Rossi, the leader of best underground supply chain in Gotham.

“When would you like them ready Mister J? After Y/N gives birth?”

“Nope! Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?...” Franco hesitantly inquiries about the sudden emergency since he can’t understand why The King of Gotham demands them so fast.

The Joker hates explaining yet certain people are obtuse thus they necessitate enlightenment.

“Y/N’s pregnant: when she gets in a car, the baby is also. Baby on board! Hello??” the father-to-be loses his temper.

Who can argue with The Joker’s logic? Nobody. It sort of makes sense anyway.

“Of course, Mister J. I’ll have them ready. If you drop by after 6pm, I’ll have your guns ready too.”

“Perfect!” the Joker hangs up among the ruckus coming from the office near the kitchen: sounds of shattered objects and yelling alert Richard aka Panda you’re at it again. He nonchalantly passes by in order to deliver the items to The Clown.

“Your drinks Mister J,” he gives one cup with Starbucks caramel latte to his boss and the other is placed on the table. Why does your boyfriend require 2 identical containers? It won’t take long to solve the mystery.

“Are the lids glued?”

Strange question but there’s a purpose in it.

“Yes sir. How is she doing?”

“She’s hormonal: breaking things makes her feel better which reminds me we have to hoard porcelain objects for her to wreck. NO glass!”

“Sure, I’ll tell the crew,” Richard leaves the kitchen while texting Frost. “Hulk needs more to smash,” he types the code name they gave you in the last weeks although The King knows about it: J’s the one that came up with it.

“Hey Pumpkin,” you are greeted as soon as you pop up from the office. “How’d it go?” he scrolls down on his phone and takes a sip of hot liquid.

“Ugghh!” a frustrated Y/N swings the yellow teddy bear The Joker stole for her on their first date, hitting his hand in the process. The drink flies near the fridge and splatters on the floor with minimal damage: only a tiny puddle instead of a disaster, that’s why the lids are glued.

Safety measure for The Queen’s unpredictability.

J grabs his reserve cup of coffee, paying attention now hence he dodges your renewed attack and keeps his coffee intact.

That’s why his drinks have the lids glued, in case you catch him off guard the second time it will result in negligible destruction.

It happened before.

“I don’t think so Princess,” The Joker strong grip on the container calms you a bit because you won’t be able to win this round. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” you pout and sit in his lap.

“I bet the baby is,” the secret weapon is unleashed: J discovered such a gem by accident and it works like a charm. How can Y/N say “no” if the baby is involved? She can’t.

A plate filled with a bunch of your favorite breakfast food is placed in front of you and strangely enough you’re instantly hungry.

“Extra bacon,” he purrs. “Plus chocolate dip and honey mustard for your pickled cherries. I added peanut butter olives as a bonus.”

In your defense, you’ve been having weird cravings lately.

You place the toy on the chair nearby and start eating, ogling a Joker texting back and forth with his business partners. He chews the morsel you just offered and shivers: waffle dipped in clam juice is disgusting. Maybe he should look at the food you shove in his mouth.

“Gross,” J washes the terrible taste with coffee and gets a kiss for encouragement, yet he’s aware of the connotations. Another kiss confirms it.

Let’s put it this way: besides the hormonal episodes and food demands, The Queen has had a fresh type of craving recently - The Joker kind.

More than usually.

That’s why he has to clear it up.

“I’m flattered for being the center of attention; we gotta keep in mind that contrary to the popular belief, I don’t have unlimited stamina, Pumpkin.”

You nod in agreement and unbutton his pants, then unzip them also.

“Y/N, pay attention!” J insists since you don’t give a damn about his woes. “Think about it as a two way street: The Joker Street and I Want To Break Things Street. Are you with me so far?” he double checks.

Why is he yapping so much??! I guess you should make an effort to comprehend: he’s even doodling patterns on his phone to emphasize the speech.

“When you get hormonal, Princess, let’s try and walk on the I Want To Break Things Street instead of The Joker Street, hm? The Joker Street is sometimes closed for repairs until further announcement.”

OK, OK, this is a lecture. Something about a Joker Street, he seems upset he doesn’t have one…?... Right?...

If you were him, you would be pissed Gotham didn’t name a street in your honor when you’re so important for the town.

Another peck on his neck, then your lips go down his collar bone.

“You’re not paying attention, are you?” J mutters when it’s clear his shirt won’t remain on his body for too long.

“I am,” you defend yourself.

“Oh yeah? What did I say then?”

“Ummm…” you try to piece together words among estrogen taking over. “No Joker Street?...”

“Bingo, that’s it Princess! No Joker Street, correct! Choose the other street, yes?”

This time he kisses you, excited his idea was well received when in fact, both parties are referring to unrelated concepts.

“Wait,” J dodges your touch, “Richard is calling.”

Because he’s on the phone ignoring Y/N, she is ensuring a nice surprise for later; concentrating to the maximum to avoid misspelling, the following message is sent to Franco Rossi from her cell:

“Make a landmark sign that says Joker Street.”

The King’s conversation is prolonged more than anticipated until he discerns you’re not wiggling: you feel asleep, softly snoring on his shoulder and he definitely can’t afford to wake you up.

The doctors said your body is trying to cope with the pregnancy the best way it can: if you doze off at random hours it means you ran out of fuel and you should rest. After cheating death and surviving the accident, the future mother is at high risk of serious complications which is why each day could lead to unforeseen problems.

The Joker rises from the chair holding you in his arms and after a few steps he realizes it’s difficult to walk: thanks to his unbuttoned and unzipped pants, they keep sliding lower and lower. There’s no way he will make it upstairs so maybe the sofa in the living room is the best option. He almost trips thus he begins to drag his feet on the carpet, the pants at knee level now.

“I’m reduced to a piece of meat,” J grumbles, finally making it to the couch and placing Y/N on it so she can have her power nap.

*************

6:02pm

You accompanied The King to a meeting with Seraphim, the best hacker/strategist J uses: they’ve been plotting for a while concerning D.A. Kevin Winchester. The politician is becoming a huge pain in the butt for Gotham’s underworld and something must be done; either annihilation or blackmail, it truly doesn’t matter since he’s bad for business. Due to a total lack of interest in the subject, you are exploring the surroundings quite angry The Joker dragged you here.

Luckily there’s stuff to do.

Bam! you punch the fragile glass sculpture and it splinters into a million pieces on the lavish marble floor.

Seraphim jumps at the noise, immediately recognizing his beloved possession:

“That’s…,” he gulps, appalled. “That’s a Vitriol!”

Yup, the one and only Degas Vitriol, the latest sensation taking the art universe by storm.

“She’s hormonal,” J sneers. “She breaks shit!”

“That’s valued at 150,000 dollars!” the hacker breaths in much needed oxygen regarding the atrocity unfolding at his hideout.

“So??!!” your boyfriend sucks on his teeth, irritated. “Serves you right for buying that asshole’s artsy fartsy crap!”

The Joker actually has 4 Vitriol masterpieces at the mansion yet you were strictly forbidden to destroy them, alas he gave you the office for your rampages.

You continue your exploration as they talk about God knows what until you perceive an alarming detail: Seraphim is literally screaming having a gun pointed at J.

You sneak behind him then in a split second you strike the pistol out of his hand and your fist lands on his temple with such brutality it knocks him out unconscious.

“What the hell are you doing, Y/N???” The Clown hisses at your erratic behavior.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing??!!!” he repeats, annoyed.

“S-saving you…,” you stutter, confused on why J is mad. “He was yelling and…mmm, had a gun,” you wince in pain because your knuckles hurt from the impact.

“The guy’s half deaf and sometimes he raises his voice without noticing, or did you forget??!! Now I have to wait until he comes to his senses and that’s a waste of my time, Y/N!!! Seraphim wasn’t threatening me, he was showing me his newest collectible!!! I suppose someone with half a brain can’t acknowledge the mess they’ve created!!!”

A lot of accusations thrown your way still… the last sentence brings tears in your eyes.

“I…” you bite your lower lip. “…I don’t have half of brain…”

“Wanna bet??” The Joker bites more instead of leveling with your logic: you though he was in danger and took action. If it was a real emergency, yes, you would have been the hero; it’s not and apparently he can’t appreciate your fast intervention in these circumstances.

“Y-you’re stupid…” you whisper, frustrated. “You don’t understand anything…”

Here it is -- the cataclysmic event of the century: someone called The Joker stupid. He’s beyond outraged with nothing better to utter besides a very childish:

“You’re stupid!”

Y/N turns around and stomps out of the house leaving a trail of destruction outside: she slaps the bottled water out of The Shark’s hand, kicks Panda’s shin and snatches Frost’s donut basically inhaling the sweet treat.

“I want to go h-home!!” you shout and enter the first vehicle you see, slamming the door so hard the window on the passenger side cracks.

“Jesus…” Jonny mumbles and being the sensible man that he is you are offered the whole box of pastries he purchased for his family. He can acquire more, but there’s no way in hell he wants to endure Y/N in the state she’s in.

Gotta keep Hulk calm somehow…

**************

3 Hours Afterwards

You sulk when The Joker strolls in the master bathroom frantically searching the cabinets.

“Did you see my shaver?” he asks.

“Hm?”

“Did you see my shaver?”

“I…I wouldn’t know. I only have half a brain,” the surprisingly eloquent phrase queues J his woman is holding a grudge for his earlier statement. Why wouldn’t she? He was a complete jerk.

At least you didn’t catch on to the obvious: The King of Gotham doesn’t own a shaver; hair just grows on his head.

He glimpses at Y/N soaking in the bathtub with a kid’s book in her left hand and the right hand fingers sunk into a bowl filled with ice placed at the edge of the Jacuzzi. The Joker leans over and switches your book since it’s upside down.

You huff at the unwanted help and stare at the pictures expecting he’ll look for his shaver and disappear.

You’re not that fortunate today.

“Imagine my surprise when I drove the main alley and detected a sign that says The Joker Street,” he brings up the topic.

Franco Rossi was super-efficient …sadly you ordered the item before J ran his mouth at the hacker’s place, otherwise you wouldn’t care he wants a street with his name.

“You said no… no Joker Street,” you stammer. “Now you have one,” the bitter tone makes him roll his eyes: Y/N’s brain got what it could from his monologue, he should have known better than to make it complicated.

“Excellent…” The King starts rubbing your tummy, “… precisely what I was aiming for. I’m washing the baby, not you!” he underlines when you move farther from him.

You scrunch your face displeased but let him do it because it’s for the baby.

“I know what you’re doing,” Y/N gives him a cold gaze. “U-using the baby… I’m not stupid!”

Busted, The Joker thinks. The schemer in him won’t accept defeat though.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Yes you did!”

“You said it first!!!” he reckons, antagonized. “Therefore two stupid people put together gotta make up for a smart one!!’

“I… I don’t wanna make out…” you frown at his suggestion.

The Joker sighs, deciding not to correct the trajectory of your judgement; it sure sounds like an opportunity.

“Why not?”

“I’m tired and…and I h-hate you,” your heavy eyelids close.

“Both viable reasons, even if I have to admit you striking Seraphim like that got me quite worked up. He’s no small fry! I had to wait for one hour for him to recover; you got a mean punch, woman! The more I reflect on it, the hornier I get. Which reminds me, Pumpkin: guess what?... … … I’m hormonal too.”

No answer, Pumpkin’s out.

“Of course nobody gives a damn if I’m hormonal!” he complaints while grabbing you from the bathtub. You cling to him for a few moments prior to drifting back into your dreams.

“Thanks for getting me all wet,” J snarls at the cruel reality of having his favorite Prada suit ruined.

“You…you’re welcome…” his Queen replies in her sleep, somehow her mind clutching to reality amidst pure relaxation.

This is what two hormonal individuals are reduced to: one’s dozing off, the other is suffering in silence, although being the proud owner of the tiniest road in Gotham compensates for the mishap.

It’s a two way street.

Also read: Masterlist

You can also follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker imagine #the joker fanfiction #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #the joker #joker #joker x reader #joker leto #joker imagine #joker suicide squad #joker jared leto #mister j #mr. j #dc #dcu

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 5 years ago

Text

Something to Uplift Us

Ao3, MasterPost

Relationships: Romantic DLAMPR (Roman-centric, kinda Remus-centric), platonic Creativitwins!!!

Do I like this??? Meh. Is it something that I wrote? Yes. I will heal myself from SVS-R with Fluff.

Warnings: Remus Typical Nonsense, swearing, mentions of being in Quarantine, all sympathetic sides, non-sexual Pole Dancing

Word Count: 2,667

Roman was the essence of romance and it showed. For his entire existence, he'd been well acquainted with the hypothetical. If he were his own person, if he had a prince of his own, if he had the chance at a romantic relationship, he knew what he would do. Roman knew relationships, he always had, and it had tortured him to know that he'd never have one.

Which was why it frustrated him to no end that he hadn’t been the one to ask out his fellow sides. He’d honestly never thought that it would be an option. When he first developed his feelings for the others- Virgil, Patton, Logan, Janus, in that order- he had felt nothing more than excitement. He was giddy, he was light-headed, just to know that he could feel that way. He would spend hours daydreaming, just musing over the way they made his heart stop, but he never hoped for anything to come of it. He wasn’t sad, or mournful, or pining per se- just so caught up in the joy of feelings that he forgot that he could do something with them.

So he thought about it a lot, suffice to say. And all he had now was time to think; it was nearly month three of quarantine. Roman had wrung his brain out like a sponge for anything new to think about- The Imagination was practically turning gray! He tried to tend to it, truly he did, but it was getting harder every day. Creativity's fellow sides had all busied themselves taking up new hobbies- Virgil was teaching Patton to draw, Janus had learnt embroidery, Logan took up knitting, Remus made trash sculptures… They all seemed to be having their own little renaissance (complete with plague), and what was Roman doing? Wasting valuable free time!

In a fit of desperation, the artistic trait dived under his large canopy bed, rummaging around until his hand caught on the lip of a cardboard box. With no small amount of effort, he pulled the enormous container out from under his bed so that it could be properly examined. There, piled high in the box, were dozens of notebooks and sketchbooks- all of which filled to the brim with writing, drawings, and poetry. Having no clue what he was specifically looking for, Roman upended the box and watched the contents crash to the floor. Something in here would surely spark his mind! Perhaps some old work would catch his eye and inspire some redraws!

The side hadn't needed to search for long. Right at the top of the pile- bright pink, its cover dotted with puffy heart stickers- sat a large, spiral-bound sketchbook. You could almost see the light bulb pop up over Roman’s head as he squealed and snatched up the sketchbook. Flopping down onto his bed, he flipped it open in one hand and placed the other against his chest.

“Ooh, some of my best,” he cooed to no one in particular, gaze turned to the dozens of love poems surrounded by little doodles of hearts that filled the pages. This was the journal he’d confided in before the sides had all officially begun their relationship, filled with flowery prose about anything from Janus’ scales to Patton’s smile; from Logan’s laugh to Virgil’s freckles (a rare sight, usually hidden by make-up). Roman was so lost in nostalgia that when the ideas hit him, he nearly fell out of bed in excitement at his own thoughts.

Of course! He could take all of these old writings and compose them together, into one eloquent amalgam that would illustrate perfectly all those things that he’d been unable to articulate in the beginning! And it seemed only fitting that such a soliloquy be delivered in The Imagination- in the most gorgeous scenario he could fabricate! Somewhere open to a starry sky, for his left-brained loves- but it had to have ornate architecture, of course, and it had to be cozy. Oh, it was all coming together now.

Roman leapt out of bed, posing with his hand above his head and sinking deeper into The Mindscape extravagantly. He didn’t waste time looking around at the depressing half-formed scenery, sweeping his arms up and erasing the entirety of his half of The Imagination. Time to get to work.

Remus was stretched across the Commons couch, his head in Janus’ lap and feet in Logan’s. The TV hummed with whatever show they’d thrown on as background noise, and a few feet away at the counter, Patton and Virgil were hovering over some sort of scrapbook. Nobody had the energy for conversation; nobody had the energy for anything.

It was magnificently boring. The Duke already filled up an entire sketchbook, written half a dozen shamelessly smutty self-insert fanfictions, constructed and subsequently destroyed eldritch beings in his room, and bothered his boyfriends. So, all that was left to do was doze.

It didn’t help Remus’ tired state that Janus was running his fingers through his hair. The monotonous waking world was finally slipping away. Maybe there was something buried in his dreams that could hold his attention.

But just before sleep took hold, a white-hot energy ran through the trait’s body, jolting him so suddenly that he tumbled off of the couch and onto the floor. His arms and legs were all pins-and-needles as he looked up at his very concerned partners.

“There’s fuckery afoot!” Remus announced, wide-eyed. He pulled himself up and grinned, “You guys stay here!”

Without so much as a good-bye, Remus threw himself into the ground, saving himself the time of sinking out properly. After a moment’s silence, Janus resumed working on his embroidery.

“Should we go see what that was about?” Patton asked tentatively.

“Meh,” the three other sides responded in unison. After a moment, Janus added, “It is Remus, after all.”

Roman’s structure was coming together beautifully! Wide marble columns rose up and held aloft the glimmering silver ceiling, the middle of which was a sky-light open to thousands of stars and a brilliant full moon. Surrounding the opening was a spiral of stone roof- through the gaps of which even more astronomically accurate stars shone!

The inside of the building consisted of an immense mahogany stage, currently cloaked by thick velvet curtains and overlooking plenty of seats. Rather than traditional theater rows, Roman had arranged the seating like lovely cafe tables, all of which were given generous space from each other (Except for two at the very front, of course). Lanterns hung from the walls, casting the space in warm lighting. Creativity currently stood at the very back, thinking that it could use just a little more of something. With a smirk, the side snapped his fingers and the wall of the room was pushed backwards several yards. With a few more flicks of the wrist and dividing columns, a little lobby was formed.

He’d given the theater room maroon carpeting and rich gray walls, but the new back section needed brighter lighting and a more cream-canary color scheme. Now he could just finish the decor!

Or he would have, if not for the fact that at that moment someone crashed into his ribs with all the grace of a flaming motorbike.

“BRO!!!”

“ACK-!” was all Roman managed, as all the wind was knocked out of him. He glared up at his brother, who was sitting on his chest.

“I knew you were up to something! You wiped half of the whole fucking Imagination! What is this!?”

Roman wheezed, pushed Remus off of his chest, and finally pulled himself off the ground to catch his breath. His brother was spinning around the room already, eyes sparkling as he took in the building.

“I had to blank it, I needed my full focus,” Roman explained, back to work and filling the back wall with tall bookshelves, “and it’s a surprise, so don’t tell the others.”

“Oh, I won’t. Provided you let me in on whatever this is,” Remus had an ear-to-ear grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet. After a moment’s consideration, Roman hummed.

“I’m doing something nice for our boyfriends. I think we all could use a little pick-me-up, so do not ruin this!”

“I wanna do something nice for them! Lemme help!”

“You don’t even know what it’s for! Plus, it’s personal!”

“I already asked what it was for, Stupid.”

Roman huffed.

“I wrote them something. Hence the stage.”

“So, what, you’re gonna bring them all into your fancy library-opera for your poetry orgy and I sit in a corner somewhere and be quiet?”

“Ideally.”

“Not a chance, Whore!” Remus swung himself up onto the concession stand that Roman had just created, tearing into a box of candy (food made in The Imagination always tasted weirder than food or ingredients they conjured elsewhere in the Mindscape, but he didn’t particularly mind).

“Fine. What do you want to do?” Roman challenged, hands on his hips.

“I. Want. To. Help.”

Roman raised his eyebrows doubtfully. Grumbling, his twin started gesturing around the room as he spoke.

“The stars are too bright, they take the focus away from the stage instead of accenting it. The color of the curtains are too similar to the carpet. You’ve got Corinthian shit in there and bookstore lobby vibes in here, which is garbage and inconsistent.”

Roman blinked, his eyes following along with Remus’ criticism.

“Hm. You have a point.”

“I’m Creativity too, you know. I have some taste.” The Duke said, gnawing on the cardboard box that had contained Imagination Candy moments before.

“You’re wearing crocs and jorts, simultaneously.”

Remus waved his hand dismissively, hopping off the counter and rushing across the room.

“Whatever. Come on, I’ve got an idea how I can accompany your performance, too.”

“Oh, goody.”

Hours had past and little had changed in the Mindscape living room- Virgil and Patton had finished up their scrapbooking and were curled up together in an armchair, so Logan was sitting at the counter space previously occupied by the two and clacking away on his laptop, and Janus hadn’t moved. The muddled energy of the room had remained pervasive.

That was, until the door to the imagination slammed open, the doorknob cracking against the wall. Four heads shot up to see Remus and Roman, standing side-by-side (quite looking the part of identical twins, matching smiles and all).

“Oh god,” Janus groaned instinctively, carefully setting his embroidery on a side table, “What did you two do?”

“Yeah, I don’t trust that look,” Virgil said.

The twins scoffed in mock-offense, continuing their odd coordination.

“We try to do something nice,” exclaimed Remus.

“And not so much as a ‘thank you,’” added Roman solemnly. Eyes were rolled, but Patton perked up considerably (just as planned).

“Ooo, what are you talking about?”

“It’s a surprise!” Said The Duke, bouncing up and down. Creativity Prime gave a sweeping motion to indicate the still-open door to the Imagination, which had been steadily seeping into the common room with a bright new energy that it had been lacking for days.

“Follow us,” he instructed, disappearing through the door once more with Remus at his back. Patton bounced after them immediately, grinning.

The three left-brained sides exchanged glances, shrugged, and followed suit.

The twins were backstage in an instant, trusting their partners to figure out where their seats were on their own. Roman began pacing around as soon as they finished warming up.

“Are you sure you can do this? I’m still not sure if your performance is well-suited to acoustic guitar-”

He was cut off by Remus groaning exaggeratedly.

“I can work with anything, bitch.”

“Right, right,” There was a beat. “You’re sure you’re ready?”

“I’ve been ready. What’s going on with you?”

Rather than responding, Roman did another lap around the stage.

“C’mon! Stop pacing before I take a bonesaw to your legs!”

“Okay! Alright! I’m ready!”

Before Remus could come up with any more gruesome threats, Roman snapped his fingers and the curtains began to rise. He took his place half-sitting on a stool up front, a guitar in his arms. Behind him, Remus stood between two sturdy metal poles that rose from the stage and into the ceiling. You can already see where this is going.

When the stage was fully revealed, the lights above the audience dimmed. Figuring that the show would be rather awkward if said audience consisted of four people, the Creativities had The Imagination render dozens of prop-people. They moved and acted like a crowd of humans, but each individual was too vague to focus on for long. Thus it was made very clear where their fellow sides were, sitting right up front with a wide array of expressions from amazed to amused to bewildered.

Roman took a moment to steel himself and then began playing. Originally, he’d planned on spoken-word for his loves, but traditionally there is music involved in pole-dancing, so he’d made a few adjustments in order for Remus to be able to contribute.

Roman started singing, melting as the gazes of the real audience members turned awestruck (and also very flushed, likely from whatever surprisingly impressive poses his brother was pulling behind him). He liked to think that he poured his heart out into every performance, but for this one it felt quite literal.

Roman’s voice picked up gradually, and he could vaguely hear metal clanging behind him. It went on like that for a good few minutes- because if there was one thing the Twins weren’t, it was brief- before the show finally concluded. Roman stalled for a moment as both the imaginary and real components of the audience applauded uproariously. Remus swung down from the pole and hopped over to him.

“We bow now, Dumbass,” he hissed, noticeably out of breath.

“Oh- right.”

They took hands and took a couple bows as the clapping died down, standing back up with wide grins and red faces.

As soon as the auditorium was relatively silent, Patton rushed the stage. He outstretched his arms and hopped up and down excitedly.

“Lemme up!”

Roman grabbed his hands and pulled him on stage while Remus was still attempting to catch his breath. Morality leaned down to give The Prince a brief kiss, and then bounced over to the much more exhausted half of the act to give him the same treatment. He was grinning so wide that it looked painful, his face a bright pink. The Duke wore a matching expression, but the smile was much more unnatural in that preferred way of his.

“So you liked it?”

Rather than verbally responding, Patton grabbed the hands of both Creativities and made a cheerful ribbiting sound.

“It was wonderful,” Logan supplied, climbing the stairs on the side of the stage to meet them, Virgil and Janus right behind him. He was much less outwardly enthusiastic as the other spectacled side, but no less appreciative.

“Yeah, did you guys put all this together today?” Virgil asked, throwing an arm around Roman’s shoulders.

“What else did we have to do?” Remus answered with a shrug.

“Good point.”

Janus cleared his throat lightly, immediately drawing everyone’s attention. His eyes were noticeably rimmed with redness, a small smile on his face as he outstretched all of his arms.

“Here, all of you, now.”

Patton cooed.

“Group hug!”

Fitting six people into one hug may seem awkward, but it always seemed to work out for the sides. At least, Roman thought so. Virgil would fake exasperation at the affection, but they could all tell he loved it. Logan would try to maintain his dignity and fail miserably. Patton was a ball of warmth and energy that seeped into the rest of them. Janus was by far the best at giving hugs, though it could be considered cheating to have extra limbs.

At that moment it hit Roman that, perhaps he hadn’t started this relationship, but he was still a part of it. And that was all he could ever want.

These Performances inspired Remus’. They are oddly calming to watch, and super impressive!

@shrimp-crockpot

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nexttrickanvils · 4 years ago

Text

Beware of Karen Ch. 2

Sorry this took so long, had other priorities but here is the long awaited chapter 2 of Beware of Karen.

Summary: After Guybrush and Stan fail to deal with the latter’s ex-wife, Elaine decides to throw her hat into the ring. It goes about as well as you expect. ---------

Elaine hummed to herself as she set the table. While Guybrush was admittedly the better cook of the two, she still wanted to surprise her Pikaroni with a nice romantic dinner. Preferably without a certain plaid wearing charlatan joining them.

While Elaine had nothing against Stan… well okay maybe she had a lot against Stan… but that wasn’t the point, she’d prefer if he hadn’t attempted to drag her and Guybrush in an ex-lover’s quarrel of all things.

But she trusted Guybrush’s wit and uncanny ability to find absurd but simple solutions to absurd problems.

Before long, she could hear footsteps on the deck, she quickly lit the candles and plated the food.

“Welcome back, sugarboots! I hope you’re...”

The door opened and in came Guybrush… and Stan.

“Hey honey! Ooh are those potstickers I smell?”

“...Guybrush… I thought you were going to help Stan with his ex-wife and thus he would not bother us.” Elaine said, gritting her teeth

Guybrush, to his credit, looked apologetic.

“Well I did try, I honestly did but well… let’s just say Stan wasn’t exaggerating about how awful Karen is. So I guess Stan will be staying with us until Karen leaves.”

Elaine groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. Guybrush sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“I know, I was really excited for all the quality time too but Elaine, you have no idea just how evil this woman is. I couldn’t just leave Stan to fend for himself against her, I’m a pirate not a monster!”

“...Really? And please do tell me, what makes her so terrible that Stan has to go in hiding with us?” Elaine asked, clearly unconvinced

“Well first: I could barely breathe around her stall, the perfume she was selling was that thick! She was also really pushy with the sales pitch like waaaaay worse than Stan. She also kept making all these mean comments about me being a terrible husband and how our marriage would fall apart if I didn’t buy her stuff. And she threatened to call the island authorities on Stan if he even thought of setting up shop near her! And he didn’t even do anything!”

Elaine raised an eyebrow, “Hm, I admit she does actually sound awful. But being pushy and rude are hardly the crimes of the century, sweetie.”

“Oh it goes beyond “pushy and rude.”” remarked Stan, mouth full of potstickers

“Karen thrives on “the hunt.” All she cares about is her next sale!"

"...Sounds like you." Elaine and Guybrush both remarked

"Oh no no no, my friends. I admit that Ol' Stan here may have exaggerated or cut some corners here and there. But hey sometimes that's what you gotta do when your clientele are a buncha rowdy swashbucklers!"

Stan continued, while grabbing another pot sticker, "Karen on the other hand… she has no respect for the art of sales, it's all a means to an end for her. And if anyone gets in the way of that precious end sale even if it’s only in her mind, she will destroy you! By the way, these are amazing, you could make a killing selling these.”

Once again, Elaine found herself not entirely convinced. Stan stuffing himself with the food she made for herself and Guybrush didn’t help his case. But he also couldn’t really be considered a reliable narrator. And Guybrush, her dear Threepy, the love of her life… well he was quite prone to exaggeration.

Elaine sighed, well she wouldn’t be where she was now if she just sat and complained about a bad situation.

“Perhaps… I should speak to her…”

“NO!” Shouted both Guybrush and Stan

She just gave them a confident smile, “Oh don’t worry about me. I’m sure if I went without Stan, she won’t be as volatile. And besides, all my years as governor has given me quite the experience of negotiating with stubborn egotistic business owners. You remember that incident at the O'Malley's Galley last year, don’t you dear?”

Guybrush let out a small laugh and a blush, obviously remembering how Elaine dealt with the restaurant's owner after the man refused Guybrush's request to not serve the food on porcelain plates.

Elaine kissed Guybrush on the cheek, "I'll be fine dear. You just relax and I'll come back with the good news."

Then she looked over at Stan, "...And I suppose you just do what you can to entertain yourself."

And with that, Elaine made her way off the boat and into town. As she made her way, she kept rehearsing in her head how she'd calmly confront Karen.

However when Elaine arrived and started asking the other merchants about Karen, a feeling of dread began to form.

They were all smiles and sales until Elaine explained who she was looking for. They all suddenly dropped their grins and immediately apologized to Elaine for "wasting her time."

The most concerning interaction was from one merchant who told Elaine where Karen was then immediately begged her to not tell Karen that the two of them spoke.

Before long, Elaine found the woman of the hour making a sale.

"Trust me, dearie, this color and this scent are perfect for you! You'll be catching everyone's eye in no time!"

The female pirate grinned as she paid for her goods.

"Just remember, no refunds on used products."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Look out, Single's Night, Mama's coming!"

Elaine stepped aside to let the lady walk by then she took a deep breath and steeled herself.

"Excuse me? Are you Karen?"

"Hm?"

Elaine felt a shiver down her spine when Karen smiled at her.

“Well hello there, my dear! Whatever you need, I’ve got it.”

“Actually I’m not here to shop. You met my husband earlier? Guybrush Threepwood?”

“Ohhh! So he gave you the free sample? I knew you couldn’t resist! A woman of your taste would know fine class when you see it.”

Karen chuckled as she immediately looked through her inventory while Elaine was already finding her patience tested.

“Please just listen to me. I understand that your relationship with your ex-husband is… strained but it’s gotten to the point where he’s hiding on my and my husband’s ship trying to get away from you.”

“Hmph, Stan, being an absolute freeloader? You don’t say. Anyway…!”

To Elaine’s surprise, Karen grabbed her face.

“H-hey!”

“Hm, you look like a spring or autumn to me.”

Elaine quickly pushed her off though if that bothered Karen, she didn’t show it and went straight back to her sales pitch.

“Now your face is rather pale, you look like a ghost, dearie! Oh and you need to ditch that bandana, it clashes with your hair."

"Would you just LISTEN to me! I am not here to buy anything! Or to get make-up advice. Or whatever you think I'm here for! I need for you and Stan to reconcile whatever is going on with you two so my husband and I can be alone!"

With that, Karen just laughed.

"Oh you poor innocent sucker. There is no reconciling with that selfish mess of a man. But that's marriage for you, the minute the wifey has a problem, she's suddenly a nagging witch, am I right?"

Elaine's patience was growing thinner and thinner as she crossed her arms and glared at Karen.

"Fine. You two just can't get along, just fine. But at the very least just let Stan be. My husband and I have been looking forward to a nice romantic vacation and we can't exactly do that with Stan around.

Karen smirked and Elaine once again felt an icy chill.

"Oh really? And what do you think your "dear" husband and Stan are doing while they sent you to do their dirty work?"

"I volunteered…"

Karen continued, ignoring Elaine's correction, "They're probably just lazing about on the deck, pigging out on junk and guzzling grog. I was one of the lucky ones. I realized what a scam the whole marriage thing is and got out of there. I've still got my divorce lawyer's card, you know, when you realize that you don't need to settle with that blonde idiot."

Karen pulled out a card and placed it into Elaine's pocket. Without hesitation, Elaine grabbed Karen's wrist with an iron grip.

"HEY!!!"

“Now listen here, you can insult me all you want but my husband is a good man. He may have his moments but that goes for anyone. Do you know what we've faced off against together? Some of the fiercest pirates on the Seven Seas including the undead monster LeChuck. A real estate developer with delusions of grandeur who had the power to make mice out of men. A mad scientist obsessed with eternal life! Guybrush even conquered DEATH! And through all that, Guybrush has always been respectful, caring, and loving!”

Elaine let go of Karen's wrist but kept her steely glare on her.

"My husband may not be perfect but I cannot see myself with anyone else. Now I believe our business is done here."

Karen rubbed her wrist as she gave Elaine her own glare.

"Hmph, I suppose it is. But I am a forgiving sort. I'd be happy to help you once you figure things out."

Refusing to dignify Karen's response, Elaine simply turned around and walked away.

As Elaine stepped out of the marketplace, a shrill scream filled the air.

She looked toward the noise and saw the female pirate from earlier desperately trying to shake off two monkeys climbing all over her.

Elaine quickly came to the woman's rescue, shooing the monkeys away from her, giving the other pirate enough time… to dunk her head in the nearby fountain.

Whatever that did, it seemed to cause the monkeys to lose interest and run off.

"Oh thank Blackbeard's frilly underthings."

"Are… you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I will be."

"What in the world even happened?"

"Oh I'll tell ye what happened! I went to the bar to get ready for Single's Night and put on somea that goop that fast-talking she-devil sold me. Next thing I knew, the bar's monkey mascots were all over me."

"...And you're certain that it was the make-up that caused this?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE A MONKEY'D BE ATTRACTED TO TO YA!? They left me alone just fine then I put on that damn perfume and other stuff and they went crazy! "You'll be catching everyone's eyes in no time" apparently that includes mangy beasts!"

The other pirate stood up and emptied her bag of Karen's products. She then walked away, grumbling about her wasted money and time.

Maybe it was Guybrush's influence but Elaine couldn't help but pick up a couple of the fallen cosmetics.

Eventually Elaine made her way back to the Screaming Narwhal. Guybrush and Stan were on the deck though unlike Karen's prediction, Guybrush was practicing his banjo playing while Stan just read a book.

Guybrush immediately noticed Elaine walking onto the deck and smiled. At least Elaine had that.

"Plunderbunny! So um… how did it go?"

"...I apologize, you were both right. She's the absolute worst, how do we get rid of her?"

#Monkey Island #Anvil Writings

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etherealwaifgoddess · 4 years ago

Text

Run To You, Chpt.4

Summary: Bucky mends things with Steve and together they move forward to the next step in the relationship. Master list is HERE :)

Content Warnings: Some lovely smut towards the end of the chapter

Word Count: 5.3k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I originally had this broken out into two smaller chapters but then I decided the hell with it and am giving you one giant monster of a chapter instead. So please enjoy this 5.3k word beast which contains lots of sweet fluff and some steamy smut towards the end. XOXO - Ash

Chapter Four

The communication black out lasts three days. It’s the longest they’ve gone without talking or texting since they met over a month ago. Bucky is surlier than usual and eventually Natasha calls him out on it. He wants to pick a fight with her when she does but he’s running late for his shift and he has to hurry out the door, settling for just flipping her off as he leaves. Natasha, however, is undeterred and proceeds to text him, letting him know exactly what she thinks of the situation.

It’s a slow night in the ER and Bucky can’t stand the down time. All he can think about is the fight with Steve. Well, not even a fight really. Steve pissed him off and he did what he does best: he ran. The more Bucky thinks about it, the more he feels like an ass. He knows how socially awkward Steve is, how he’s not always sure of societal norms. It’s not all that surprising that Steve would make a faux paux, but Bucky’s reaction to it wasn’t okay. The longer he dwells on it the more he realizes how very not okay it was.

Bucky is forced to take his mid-shift break when Darcy comes on rotation, the tiny woman physically shoving him towards the break room and telling him to catch a nap if he can. She’s been a good friend since he started there three years ago, and she knows how much the overnight shift wears on him. Bucky stares at his phone, wondering if a text would wake Steve. He hopes not, it’s just past two in the morning and no one deserves to be woken up by an apology text at that hour. Bucky types, and retypes, and retypes again, the best apology he can muster. After staring at his phone for another five minutes, willing the message to send itself, he deletes it, settling for a simple: I’m sorry for what happened. Can we talk when you have time?

Sighing in relief that the dreaded text is sent, Bucky lays back on one of the break room cots and starts scrolling through his Instagram feed. He barely gets through Clint’s latest story when his phone rings, Steve’s goofy contact photo lighting up the screen. Shocked, Bucky flails and drops the phone, the damned device sliding under the cot where Bucky has to crawl down to get it, frantically trying to answer the call in time. “Hello!” he shouts breathlessly as he swipes to accept the call.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, confused and concerned by Bucky’s breathless tone.

“Sorry, dropped my phone. I’m here.”

“Oh, is it okay? I’ve broken four iPhones dropping them. I’m pretty sure Tony is ready to kill me, but they’re just so fragile.”

Bucky smirks, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. “It’s fine, thanks. How on earth did you manage to destroy an iPhone just by dropping it though? They’re fragile but my buddy Clint drops his daily and it’s fine.”

Steve chuckles, a self depreciating rumble, “Well, when you drop them while exiting a Quinjet in mid air they don’t typically make it to the ground in one piece. And one time it was off a building but really, that time it just slipped right out of my hand. Even super soldier reflexes couldn’t catch it.”

The laugh Bucky was suppressing bursts free. “Oh god, no wonder Stark wants to kill you.”

There’s a beat of silence after Bucky’s laughter dies down. It’s heavy, the reason for the call hanging in the air. “It’s real good to hear your voice.” Steve admits quietly.

Bucky’s heart clenches, “Yeah, it’s good to hear yours too. I didn’t mean to bolt like that. I’m sorry I didn’t give us a chance to talk it out.”

“You weren’t wrong. I don’t know her, and it was thoughtless of me to trivialize your problems by trying to solve them for you.”

“You were just being a good person. I get why you wanted to help. In the moment though, I felt like you thought I couldn’t take care of my own kid. And I’m sorry, but that’s probably always going to be a sore point for me. I fight like hell everyday to give that little girl a better life than I had and I’m damned proud of that. But… I still shouldn’t have run out on you like that.”

“Buck… I… I would never think for a minute that you can’t take care of her. She’s so lucky she has you raising her, you’re an amazing parent. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”

Bucky sniffed roughly, ignoring the burning of unshed tears, “Thanks, Steve. It means a lot. And I promise the next time we disagree with something, I won’t go running off without us talking things through. I really like you, Steve. I want to give us a real chance.”

“I really like you too, a lot. Can I see you later this week? Maybe we can have a do over at the cafe and you can actually eat your chocolate chip pancakes this time. They were really good, you missed out.”

“Yeah, we can do that. I was really looking forward to… wait, what? Did you eat my pancakes?”

“Um, well, I took them home thinking I’d be able to give them to you later. But then you didn’t reach out and I didn’t want them going to waste. I’m sorry?”

“Nah, it’s good someone ate them. I really was looking forward to them, though. I have off all day tomorrow for Becca’s appointment if you’re free. And you know who else really likes chocolate chip pancakes?” He waits a beat for Steve to guess but the other man is silent on the other end of the line, “Becca.”

Steve is quite another moment before finally responding. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing you. If you’re not ready for me to meet her, that’s okay. I’ll wait as long as it takes until you’re comfortable.”

“We’re not rushing, it’s time. Tomorrow will be good because if she does get glasses, which is likely, we’ll be able to celebrate with dinner out for her. Honestly, she’s going to take one look at those giant pancakes and you will be an afterthought. She loves my friends who help watch her but I’ve never introduced her to a boyfriend before so I’m not sure how she’ll take that. Hopefully this will make it a good experience for her.”

“Ah yes, bribing small children with baked goods and sugar. I’m all in favor of that.”

Bucky chuckles, “Whatever works. So, we’ll see you tomorrow? Maybe around five thirty?”

“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll see you two then.”

“See you then.” Bucky disconnects the call, a wide smile plastered on his face. He really likes Steve and feels like this relationship could be different from his past ones.

Bucky’s good mood is noticeable and gets him teased by both Darcy and Carol at work, followed by Clint when he arrives home later that morning. He can’t be bothered by their affectionate jabs though, he knows he has it bad. He hasn’t mentioned to his friends who Steve is, as in Captain America, only saying he’s a cute guy he met in the bodega near his house. Only Natasha knows the whole truth but she eats secrets like M&Ms so he has no fears of her saying anything to anyone.

xxXxx

Becca is surprisingly cooperative getting ready for preschool, even after Bucky reminds her she has a doctor’s appointment afterwards. She’s so used to seeing her various doctors that it doesn’t even phase her outside the concern if this new doctor will have a good prize box like her breathing specialist does or if they’ll just have stickers like her normal pediatrician. Bucky reminds her that not all doctors have prize boxes and she should be nice to them no matter what. Becca nods but tells him that he should really ask these sort of questions when he calls for an appointment. It’s through ironclad self control that he manages not to laugh until she’s through the doors of Applegate Academy. His little girl is a spitfire and he loves it.

Bucky manages to snag a few hours of sleep while Becca’s at school. He can’t wait for Monday when he’s off again and can sleep for a full night like a normal person. Cat naps on his breaks at the ER and a few hours here and there at home never seem to be enough when his rotation schedule has too many days in a row. Bucky dresses quickly, not wanting to show up in his sweats despite knowing the cafe is definitely a casual meet up. He’s still unsure how Becca is going to handle meeting Steve. Sometimes she’s all bravado and personality, others she tucks herself behind Bucky’s legs to shy away. There’s never a rhyme or reason to it and the pediatrician said it’s normal preschooler behavior. Bucky can only hope it goes well for all of them. He has enough to worry about with the eye doctor’s appointment.

Becca decides she loves her optometrist the second she sits down in the exam chair. Dr. Gibbons is a soft spoken older man with greying hair and a deeply lined face. He makes Becca giggle throughout the appointment with his antics which keep the visit stress free for the little girl. After running through a series of tests he confirms what the school suspected, Becca does need glasses. The doctor explains that Becca’s prescription is only a -1.75 so it’s not surprising she hadn’t shown more noticeable symptoms. Bucky fights back the tears that prickle along the corners of his eyes at the news; relief washing over him that this wasn’t something he’d blatantly missed.

Shopping for glasses is a bit of a challenge considering Becca thinks she’s a princess and Bucky’s wallet begs to differ. He lucks out that they have a sale going and he steers Becca to the shelf of glasses that he can get for a reasonable price. She does finally pick a pair from the sale shelf that she says make her look like a librarian, which is her current career aspiration since she met the school librarian a month ago. Bucky chuckles and assures her she looks very nice. The doctor offers to have them ready to pick up in an hour which leaves them with enough time to walk down the block to the community park they passed on their way. Becca throws herself around the jungle gym like a wild animal and it makes Bucky thankful he spent the extra money on a protection plan on her new glasses. She’s an active little girl and he’d rather pay a extra few dollars now than buy a whole new pair of glasses when something happens.

The glasses come out perfect and barely need adjusting to fit Becca’s face. The tortoise shell frames stand out against her pale face making her grey-blue eyes even more pronounced. Bucky is full of emotion watching her tilt her head from side to side examining how she looks until finally announcing they’re marvelous and taking off to see how far away she can see now. Bucky hands over his debit card, cringing at the total but thankful he had enough to cover them without completely wiping out his savings. Becca is oblivious to his stress, thankfully, and spends the whole walk to the cafe pointing out things she can see now like little symbols on store signs and smaller items on display in store windows. It’s like the whole world has opened up for her and Bucky couldn’t be happier for his little girl. The awning of the cafe comes into view and Bucky braces himself for the impending meeting. The first half of their day went well, now he just has to hope the second part does too.

xxXxx

Becca shrieks when she sees the tiny honey bees on the sign of the cafe. Her love affair with bugs of all sorts has her grilling the waitress about bees while they’re led to a table. The poor waitress at least knows enough about bees to keep the conversation going, although the cafe itself is more wildflower themed than bee themed. The tiny honey bees on the sign were more of an afterthought than the main artwork. Becca is still on her bee tangent when Steve walks in, looking around and spotting them easily.

“Becs,” Bucky gets her attention, “Remember that I said we’re meeting my friend Steve here too? And that you have to be on your very best behavior?”

Becca nods, “I know. I’ll be good. And then I’ll get pancakes as big as my head.”

“You got it. Steve is here and he’s coming over so remember your manners please.” Bucky waves Steve over, the blonde was actually waiting for Bucky to give him permission before approaching. It’s sweet and considerate and makes Bucky think he was right in entrusting Steve to meet his little girl.

Becca hops up as Steve approaches and stands ramrod straight, her little hand extended towards him. “Hello.” she says in her most polite tone, “I’m Rebecca Grace Barnes, but you can call me Becca.”

Steve looks like he would melt into a puddle on the floor if he physically could. Instead, he crouches down to her level and shakes her hand gently. “Nice to meet you, Becca. I’m Steven Grant Rogers, but you can call me Steve.”

Becca giggles, “That’s silly. You have Captain America’s name.”

“Oh god.” Bucky mutters under his breath while Steve blushes brightly.

Steve pulls his SHIELD ID card out of his wallet and flashes it to Becca. Her eyes widen and Steve presses a finger to his lips making a shhh sound.

Becca spins around to Bucky glaring, “Why didn’t you bring Captain America home before?!” she demands. “He’s way cooler than Chrissy’s stupid uncle who was on TV.”

“Rebecca Grace!” Bucky hisses. “This is my friend, not someone for you to brag to your classmates about.”

Becca cringes, she hates being scolded. “Sorry Bucky. Sorry Steve.” she pouts, reclaiming her seat.

“It’s okay,” Steve assures her as he takes his seat across the table from her. “I know you were just excited.” he turns to look at Bucky, drinking in the sight of him after the long days of radio silence. “It’s good to see you.” Steve reaches out across the table for Bucky’s hand and the brunette extends his to meet Steve halfway.

“You too. I missed you.” Bucky tells him, giving Steve’s hand a squeeze. The moment is soft and full of unspoken words, words unsuitable for the tiny ears that aren’t missing a beat.

Becca watches them with narrowed eyes. “Is Steve a friend you kiss?” she asks, breaking their tender moment.

Steve blushes again, hard, and Bucky can’t help but grin. Steve is painfully adorable when he blushes. “Yeah, Becs. Steve is my boyfriend.”

“Tommy’s mom has a boyfriend. Tommy says he takes him to Coney Island and lets him have funnel cake for dinner. Can we go to Coney Island?”

Steve helplessly looks to Bucky who just nods subtly. “Sure, Becca. We can do that sometime.” Steve assures her once Bucky has made his assent clear. “I like spending time with your brother and I’d like to spend time with you too, if that’s okay.”

“I guess that’s okay.”

Bucky shoots Steve a thumbs up and tries not to laugh. “Why don’t you pick out your dinner, Becs? It’s your celebration dinner, you can have whatever you want.”

“What are we celebrating?” Steve asks, wanting to give Becca a chance to tell him even though he already knows.

“My glasses!” she announces excitedly. “They’re new. Do you like them?”

“They’re very nice.”

Becca launches into her spiel on how she wants to be a librarian and the librarian at her school has glasses like these and so does the librarian at the public library so now she looks like them and she can be a librarian when she grows up. Steve nods and smiles at the appropriate times, completely enamored by her. Becca’s expressions are identical to Bucky’s, the Barnes family genes running strong between the pair of siblings. She’s lively despite her small size and Steve finds himself thinking back to when he was just a feisty little thing himself.

When the waitress comes back around, Becca orders chocolate chip pancakes and hot cocoa. Bucky and Steve follow suit ordering breakfast for dinner; Bucky looking forward to finally getting to enjoy his own order of chocolate chip pancakes. Becca attacks her food the second it’s in front of her, letting Steve and Bucky chat while she eats. They catch up with how Steve’s been doing since his last mission and how much Bucky’s looking forward to a day off and going back on daytime rotations soon. Steve is surprised by how easily the meal goes with Becca. She’s such a sweetheart and he worries he’ll be wrapped around her little finger in no time at all.

The validity of concern comes to fruition as soon as they leave the cafe. Steve gives Bucky a chaste kiss, promising to text him later when Becca tugs on the hem of his shirt. She’s tired, leaning heavily on Bucky’s leg and waiting for Steve to stoop down to her level.

“What’s up, Becca?” Steve asks once he’s down face to face with her.

“Can you tuck me in tonight? I bet you have better bedtime stories than Bucky.”

Bucky tries to look offended but fails, barely suppressing a laugh while he shrugs at Steve.

“If you’re sure.” Steve says carefully. “But I’m probably just as boring as your brother.”

“Nah, you’re super cool. Please come home and tuck me in?”

“Okay, lead the way.”

Becca takes Steve’s hand but is dragging behind him after a few blocks. “Steeeve.” she whines, “Carry me?”

Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he just scoops the little girl up in his arms and pops her on top of his shoulders.

“It’s so tall up here.” she mumbles, leaning her head on the top of his like it’s a pillow.

Bucky gives Steve an apologetic look but Steve just smiles. He really doesn’t mind in the least. Steve always wanted kids but never expected it to be in the cards for him. He was so sickly growing up he felt that he couldn’t in good conscious pass along his genes and risk a child having all the health issues he did. And that was even if he found a woman who would have had his 90 pound asthmatic self for a husband. Steve had always known he was bisexual and had leaned towards a preference for men, but that would have posed a whole other set of issues for him back in the 1940s and would have ruled out any possible chance of children for sure. Now though, he’s able to openly date a wonderful man who just happens to come with a kid in tow. It’s everything he’s ever dared to hope for and Steve tries to slow his racing thoughts to no avail. He hopes and wishes and prays that the rush of affection he feels for this man lasts and grows. Steve has never felt so in sync with someone before and it’s hard to slow down his emotions because of it.

Becca is practically asleep when they get back to their apartment. Bucky’s been keeping an eye on her as the moments between her blinks slow, until her eyes stay closed and she’s draped over Steve’s head and shoulders like an obnoxious hat. “She’s almost out.” Bucky whispers to Steve as they climb the stairs to his apartment.

“Do you think she’ll still want a story?” Steve asks quietly. He’s been trying to remember stories his ma told him along the way. He knows bits and pieces of a few and hopes she isn’t going to be too picky.

“Depends. If she wakes up a bit when you put her down, you’re not getting away without a story. If the eyes stay mostly closed, you can escape with just a hug.”

“You have it down to a science.” Steve jokes.

“It happens.” Bucky shrugs. The truth is, Becca is a pretty easy to read kid. She’s expressive and open which makes anticipating her needs extremely easy. Bucky had gotten so lucky with Becca; she had been an easy baby, a happy toddler, and was now an easy going preschooler. Natasha likes to tease that she’s lulling him into complacency and the real struggle will hit during her teenage years, but Bucky has a feeling she’s just a genuinely good kid. Admittedly though, he’s probably a little biased.

“It’s not much, but it’s ours.” Bucky tells Steve as they enter their tiny apartment. He leads Steve down to Becca’s room so he can pull her off the blonde's shoulders and lay her down in her bed.

Becca stirs and blinks blearily, not fully waking up. “Steve?” she mumbled.

“Yep, I’m here.” Steve pulls up her lady bug print sheets, making sure she’s well tucked in. “You sleep tight, okay?”

Becca mumbles something unintelligible and then flings her arms out for a hug. Steve leans in and carefully returns her embrace.

“Night Steve. Night Bucky. Love you.” she says with a yawn before sprawling out to get comfortable.

The men quietly exit Becca’s room, Bucky closing the door behind them so they can head down the hall to the living room.

“Thanks for doing that.” Bucky says once they’re standing by the sofa. “She seems to really like you.”

“The feeling’s mutual.” Steve admits. “She’s a great kid, Bucky.”

“Yeah, she is. So, do you have to hurry off or would you like to stay for a bit?”

Steve doesn’t even have to consider it. “I’ll stay.”

Bucky chuckles at Steve’s eager reply. “Come on, let’s settle in and we can watch something on Netflix.”

Steve joins Bucky on the threadbare sofa, careful to set his weight down gently since he’s a bit larger of a man than the sofa was designed for. Bucky slumps in like he’s done a million times before, letting Steve adjust to dictate how close he wants to be. Much to his surprise and delight, Steve scoots over almost instantly to wrap an arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “This okay?” he checks in as he moves. Bucky nods and the smile on Steve’s face could light up the sun.

They watch an old episode of Parks and Recreation, Steve recognizing the show in Bucky’s Netflix queue. He’d watched a few episodes and found he really liked it but hadn’t gotten past the third season yet. Steve doesn’t get much downtime to sit around watching TV and he cherishes the time with Bucky to just relax and bask in the affectionate warmth of each other’s company.

“This is nice.” Steve says with a yawn as the second episode comes to an end.

As if on cue, Bucky’s yawn echos Steve’s as he nods. “It is.” he agrees, sliding himself up a little so he’s hovering closer to Steve’s face. “It really is.”

Steve takes the hint and meets Bucky half way for a lingering, unhurried, kiss. One kiss leads to two, leads to three, and then they’re making out with Bucky practically lying on top of Steve on the small sofa. It’s less than comfortable but Steve is too wrapped up in having Bucky on top of him to mind. His mind swims, overwhelmed and unable to focus on anything other than Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. There’s a pressing hardness against Steve’s thigh and he groans when he takes notice. It feels fast but they’ve been talking for months and he hasn’t felt this close to anyone since before the ice. He slides his thigh back and forth, giving Bucky just the slightest friction until the brunette is shuddering and gasping his name.

“Steve, wait.” Bucky rasps, pushing lightly on the other man’s shoulders.

“You okay?” Steve checks in.

“Yeah, yeah. Just… Becca’s right down the hall.”

Steve blushes brightly, “Sorry, I didn’t even think.”

“It’s okay, you’re not used to having a kid around.”

“I can go, just gimme a minute.” he laughs lightly looking down at the bulge in his slacks. “Last thing I need is someone snapping a pic of Captain America walking around with a boner.”

Bucky barks out a laugh, “Wow, yeah. That would be bad. You don’t have to go though, I have my very own room down the hall with a door that locks. As long as you can keep quiet, we’ll be just fine.”

“I think that can be arranged.”

Bucky grins, taking Steve’s hand in his and leading him down the hall to his bedroom. It’s nothing fancy, just a bed and dresser with a small window and closet. The navy blue bedspread has white constellations on it and Steve smiles at this new tidbit of insight into Bucky’s life. Bucky takes a moment to lock the door before pushing Steve gently back towards the bed until the back of his knees are colliding with the edge and he’s forced to sit down. It’s subtle, the way Bucky is herding Steve right where he wants him. Bucky brackets Steve’s knees with his own, forcing Steve to scoot back a little to give him space. Leaning down, Bucky captures Steve’s lips and picks up right where they left off on the sofa.

Steve hasn’t felt small since before the serum, but this, being surrounded by Bucky under his loving touches and kisses, Steve is transported back to his pre-war self. His whole being is consumed by Bucky and he loves the overwhelmingness of it. Little gasps slip from his lips when Bucky trails kisses and little nips down the column of his throat, he can barely keep up with the sensations. Before he knows what’s happening, Steve realizes Bucky is kneeling between his legs, looking up at him in silent request. Steve nods and Bucky gets to work divesting Steve of his pants and underwear.

Bucky groans slightly at the sight of Steve’s cock bobbing proudly upwards towards his navel. He’s long and deliciously thick, and while Bucky’s no size queen, he’s fully appreciating what Steve’s got going on. He gives Steve’s shaft a few tentative strokes, making Steve cant his head back and squeeze his eyes tightly shut. Rubbing away a bead of pre come at the tip with his thumb, Bucky lowers his head and swallows Steve down with ease. It’s been a while, a very long while, but deep throating was a skill Bucky mastered long ago. He’s always loved giving head, the intimacy of the act and the trust it requires on both parts. There’s something impossibly erotic about bringing his partner to the peaks of pleasure that can only be reached by just the right suction and swirling of his tongue.

Steve thinks he’s died and gone to heaven as Bucky starts sucking him off in earnest. He’s had blow jobs before, hurried, rushed things back in the 30s and 40s done in secret with the fear of being discovered, and a few since waking up from the ice that were more relaxed and quite nice, but nothing could have prepared him for Bucky’s mouth. It’s like white hot electricity is flowing through his veins and he’s trembling uncontrollably as the energy coils low and tight in his belly. He can’t stop himself as he stammers, “Buck… Buck wait… I can’t…. I’m gonna…”

It’s all the warning Bucky gets before Steve is spilling down his throat and he’s swallowing quickly trying not to lose a single drop. Steve is still shaking, the muscles in his ridiculously toned stomach dancing from the tremors. Bucky leans back on his heels, unable to hide his smirk even as he wipes the saliva from his puffy lips.

“That was…” Steve attempts but ends up just flailing a hand in place of words. His higher brain functioning isn’t back online yet.

Bucky bites his lip to suppress his grin, he’s pleased with himself damnit. It’s not every day he gets to reduce a national icon to a stammering mess.

“God, Bucky.” Steve huffs, “Seriously. Fucking hell. Get up here.” Steve pulls at Bucky’s shoulders until the brunette is straddling his thighs again and Steve can start tugging at the button on Bucky’s jeans.

Bucky lets Steve tug his jeans and boxer briefs down around his thighs, too impatient to completely take them off. “Jesus, Bucky.” Steve murmurs, still undone and reeling from what was easily the best orgasm he’s had in this century. He thankfully has the sense to spit in his palm before wrapping it around Bucky’s throbbing cock. Watching Steve come had Bucky right on a razor edge of pleasure himself and he knows he isn’t going to last much longer than Steve did. There will be time later for going slower, drawing it out, he assures himself. Right now the heated frenzy is exactly what they both need. Steve is absorbed watching the head of Bucky’s cock appear and disappear in his grasp, barely recognizing how very close Bucky already is. He twists his wrist slightly on the upward stroke, making Bucky gasp little choked off moans against his chest where the brunette has slumped forward, practically boneless. Steve grips him a little tighter, reveling in the pulsing of Bucky’s hot, fat cock in his hand and the noise it causes. He might not be as long as Steve, but his girth has Steve squirming thinking of how it would feel inside him. Despite what Tony thinks, Steve is no blushing virgin. He knows exactly what he likes in bed and his mind supplies all sorts of wonderful fantasies of Bucky giving it to him until he barely remember his own name.

Steve is startled from his pornographic imagination when Bucky goes rigid against him, jets of come splashing all the way up his stomach to his chest. He lets up his grip and works Bucky gently through the last of his orgasm. Steve wipes his hand on Bucky’s jeans so he can wrap his arms around Bucky, letting him stay nestled against Steve’s broad chest while he comes down from his own high.

“Why did we wait so long to do that?” Bucky asks a few minutes later, breaking the gentle silence.

Steve chuckles, “Beats me. Don’t know how I’m gonna keep my hands off of you now though.”

“Hmm. Guess we’ll just have to control ourselves somehow. Or maybe we can get a babysitter sometime and really make a night of it.”

“Yes, please, yes. Becca is great but god I want you in my bed for a whole night.”

“I’ll talk to Nat, we’ll figure something out.” Bucky offers, heart pounding at the idea.

Steve stifles a yawn, the late hour catching up with him. “I should head off.” he admits unhappily.

“Let’s get you cleaned off first.” Bucky pulls his jeans and boxer briefs off, wiping Steve down where sticky come is cooling on his golden skin. Tossing them into the laundry basket, Bucky grabs a pair of soft pajama bottoms so he can walk Steve to the door.

Steve is reluctant to leave and they swap sweet, sleepy, kisses in the doorway until finally he finds the resolve to pull back and wish Bucky sweet dreams. Bucky watches as Steve heads off, wondering how he got so lucky when all he did was mouth off in a bodega after a bad day. Whatever it was, he decides he’s not going to question it. It’s nice to have something actually go right in his life for once.

#stucky #stucky fanfic #non winter soldier bucky barnes #captain america steve rogers #shrunkyclunks #steve rogers x bucky barnes #parent!bucky #nurse!bucky #kid!becca barnes #becca barnes #adopted child #marvel #marvel fanfic

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filthysweetie · 5 years ago

Text

James Bond drabble

Prompt: “Dear Diary...”

missed a day >.< this one is begging to be a longer story, but i had to cut it so i can finish packing...note that there’s a brief description of torture in this one.

Edit: This now has a sequel here if anyone wants to read it :)

———

Dear Diary,

Let it be known this is done under duress. Apparently, not being a bloody field agent does not get you out of psych evaluations and ‘recommended’ methods to cope with ‘high stress levels’ and ‘worrying tendency to identify job performance as self-worth’. I bet they didn’t make Boothyard do this. You get kidnapped once and then everyone suddenly thinks you’re a delicate flower.

Hell, Bond got kidnapped (I guess it’s just called captured when they’re agents…which actually is now making me quite offended that when I was taken it was called kidnapping) on 7 of his last 15 missions. I don’t see him writing a damn diary about it! (Although god, imagine that.) Besides, what’s the point of keeping a diary if it’s mandated and also!! Your psychiatrist will be reading it? Maybe I should start writing in code. 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01000100 01110010 00101110 00100000 01011001 01100101 01101110 00101110 ——— “What is…that?”

Q turned, not the least bit surprised to see James standing there behind him. He had a mission coming up and was obviously ready for his kit. Q did a little ritual over the case, always so sad to see the fine pieces of machinery go when the chance of them returning was so dismal. Instead of focusing on the kit, though…Q followed his eyes to the little journal on his desk. It was covered in stickers (most of them shiny, some of them hello kitty gifted by a little one on the tube who got three on before he or her mother noticed) and attached in the pen holder was a pen with a fuzzy feather top. It was rainbow.

Can’t blame the man for noticing it, it was a rather stark deviation from the normal color pallet and maturity level of Q’s desk.

“Oh, that old thing?” Q pat the top with a little more force than necessary, “my psych assigned diary. I figure if they choose to treat me like a child I may as well oblige.”

James took a moment before speaking, “And what, pray tell, made them think you need it?”

Q blinked, “Does that mean you’ve done it too?” That was a bit of a surprise. The double-o agents seems to thrive on their disregard of ‘normal’ coping, of medical, and of psych all together.

“Answer the question, Q.” James had the audacity to roll his eyes.

“Now I’m very curious,” Q can’t help it, “what do you write in it? About the girls you like? About more interesting ways to destroy my tech?”

“Mostly survivors guilt.” James says, nonchalant.

Well, that answers that, “Oh…” damn it, now he’s obliged to answer James’ question regardless of if this is an interrogation tactic or not. He gives a half shrug, “Dr. Yen assigned it after the kidnapping.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know, I thought it was all very much over the top as well.” Q fights a sigh, “Now your kit—”

James shakes his head, “No, wait, you were kidnapped?”

Q blinks, ignores the chill that goes down his spine; “I knew they didn’t release that on the official channels but I assumed you’d know none the less.” Q clears his throat, “Now, your kit.”

James quiets then, but there are a lot of questions behind his eyes. Who’s to say if Q focuses on his tech a bit more than he normally would. ——— Dear diary,

I didn’t realize it had been kept quite so secret. I should have known, we are a spy organization. But I was {Q hesitates over the word, crossing out kidn and captu wishing suddenly that he was using his standard pencil instead of this purple inked mess of a pen} gone for 11 days. I guess I figured they would have told the double-os at least, maybe brought them in to help find me. Not that I needed anyone’s help, of course, I mean I got out of there myself, didn’t need anyone rescuing this damsel.

But the fact that {Ja is scribbled over fully; must remember that this will be read} there were agents I’m the primary handler of that didn’t notice at all. What excuse were they told when I wasn’t on the comms? Would they have just kept been given excuses until the forgot to keep asking?

My cats were fed, at least. Moneypenny thought I would come back, or at least held out enough hope to not sell my apartment and put my cats in a shelter after 11 bloody days.

R had been searching non-stop—bless her, I think she needs this exercise more than me. Poor girl looked like she hadn’t slept since I’d left; keeping all the missions on track while searching for me. It was her and Riley and Sunil that found me on the security footage after I got out of that place and got me a pickup. It’s not like I was forgotten or anything. {Why do I feel forgotten? Q stares at the line in it’s stark purple ink for a long moment before crossing it out. He doesn’t want to talk about that with himself, let alone Dr. Yen.}

Regardless. R has finished debriefing me on all active missions that I’d missed some portion on, and overall everything is going well. Testing of the new laser pen fell behind during my absence but it’s to be expected. It will give me something to do tomorrow when most of my active agents are in transit. ——— “Q, Sir, we really need you in the pit.” Laila said, standing at the threshold of his office, seeming a bit more frazzled than normal. There are no alarms (auditory or silent) going off around her, so the attitude was a bit perplexing.

Q puts the soldering iron down on it’s stand and takes off the magnification glasses, replacing them with his own, already getting up and heading towards her, “What’s the matter?”

“Sir, one of the agents is being belligerent; requesting to speak only to you before moving forward with his mission.”

That’s a new one; “Alright then, transfer the secure line to my station please, Laila.”

It’s always nice, walking out to the floor, seeing his people working away. Standing at the center of it is like being cocooned within the greatest minds of London. It’s safe.

“Yes?”

“Q”Jame’s voice is instantly recognizable, “I’ve arrived in Paraguay and will be rendezvousing with the contact at 1430.”

Q waited. Nothing.

“And?”

“That is all.”

Q blinked, glad that James couldn’t see the confusion that must certainly be coving his face, “You called me away from my prototypes to give me a standard mission update that you could have given to any one of my people?”

“Had to make sure you were still around, Q”

“Still—” it clicks, “Oh. Well. Yes, I am very much still around.

“Good.” Is that a smile in his voice or is Q projecting? “I’ll check in again after the rendezvous.”

Q’s throat clicks, dry; “I’ll be here.” ———— Dear Diary,

When will this little experiment be over? It’s been a half month! I haven’t got much free time at all, and wasting it in this damn book isn’t helping anyone. Least of all me. ————— “I notice you haven’t actually written anything about the kidnapping?” Dr. Yen asks, looking through his entries with a clinical eye.

“I much prefer to call it capture.” Q says in leu of an answer. The sticker covered mess looks silly in her hands, but she seemed to have enjoyed his take on ‘making it his own’ even if he’d been doing the antithesis of that. Granted, some of his minions have added stickers to it too—so next to hello kitty is a ‘back it the fuck up’ sticker in fancy script with an old school desktop monitor showing the phrase, and a sparkly unicorn that Trevor insists is from his kids but Q has his doubts. If he leaves it on his desk unattended, when he comes back there are always new stickers. No one ever opens it, respecting some privacy that doesn’t really need respecting (it’s not like there’s anything of substance in there), but it’s a nice gesture none the less.

Dr. Yen smiles, “Of course,” Q wishes she were a bit more of a dick like Dr. Reynard had been—it was easier to dismiss someone when they were being an ass, “I notice you haven’t written about your capture—or escape for that matter—at all. There are some references to it, but no detail. Do you have any thoughts on why that is?”

Q takes a sip of tea. It is nice that these meetings are uninterrupted tea time—though he could do without the conversation.

“There’s nothing important to say about it.” Q set the mug down, making sure to be gentle about it, “it’s all done, and I don’t exactly plan to get kidna—captured again.”

Dr. Yen gives an amused smile, “no one really plans to get captured at all.” Then, “Sometimes the act of writing down an experience”—she stopped using ‘traumatizing experience’ a while ago, Q did not have a traumatizing experience, thank you—“can solidify it in our reality. It may be difficult to do that at first, but once it is solidified, we can begin to process it in a healthy way.”

“It’s already written up in the after-action report.”

“Yes, but that was what happened, not how it felt to be going through those things.”

Q rolls his eyes, “do you want me to write a soliloquy on how sad and lonely it was and how I felt abandoned by MI6 and made peace with my death? Or maybe how it transformed me in ineffable ways and I have a new lease on life?”

It was so annoying to lay on that perfect level of sarcasm to have it disregarded so thoroughly, “If that’s how you feel, yes.” God she’s so earnest.

“Well it wasn’t” Q snapped out. He picked up the mug again and took another sip. Setting it down extra soft, with barely a ‘clink’ on the glass table, “Excuse me, I must be more tired than I thought.”

“Not to worry,” Dr. Yen smiled, “your job is stressful any given day of the week, it’s certainly understandable. Please do give it a thought though as you go through this week. Sometimes putting things to paper allows our minds to ‘get it out of our system’ instead of having it linger in our subconscious.”

“Very well. I will give it some thought.” ———— Dear Diary,

Lets give it the old college try, shall we?

I admire James Bond. He’s one of our best field agents, though his record for returning his tech is abysmal. He seems to come back from the brink of death more times than a cat and never seems to let it affect him. Always ready for the next mission.

I want to be like that. He’s been through so much, the loss of M, the burning of his home, the burning of so many false starts at a normal life, and he comes back and he may be battered but he’s still whole. Undoubtedly whole. I get kidnapped once and now I can’t even get a good nights sleep unless I’m folded awkwardly on the little couch in my office, and of course that sleep is poorer for other reasons.

I know I’m capable, I know I can destroy countries and get myself out of most any situation that I find myself in, but I didn’t realize exactly how that situation would affect me. I haven’t lost confidence in my abilities, but maybe loss of confidence in my security? Is it just a waiting game to see when I’ll next be thrown into the back of a van, drugged, and then wake up in a windowless room, IV in my arm strapped to a chair with no fucking idea how much time has passed? When will I next find myself threatened and beaten? The soles of my feet slashed, so dehydrated that I can’t put my head up without feeling dizzy?

Obviously I can survive it. I have.

The thought of it happening again…it’s terrifying. And it can happen at any time. And I thought I admired James because he looked like a good lay. Maybe it’s because he seems unbreakable and I worry I’m already broken. ———— Q stared at the pages for a long time. Was he supposed to feel hollow?

He tore them out, crumpled them like a secret and then lit them on fire. This was a spy organization after all, no point in letting that level of weakness get out. ———— Dear Diary,

Laila got a new corgi puppy. Despite being a cat person, I have to admit it’s quite cute.

#007 #james bond #q #00q #if you squint #drabble on #i fancy myself a writer #tw: torture #dear diary

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nortromthesilencer · 5 years ago

Text

Instruction Due (Compile)

Started with an ask for Rizzrack: “ What is the worst kind of tree? “

Rizzrack

“They’re all the worst! But if you really need to know the worst of the worst, then let me tell you about this particular one. I can’t say I recall the name of the lands I was in, some place in the mountains far north. So! I end up coming face to face with your typical acre of trees, and silly old me didn’t think anything else about it except that I needed it cut it all down of course! That’s what I do. I start cutting. I’m making my way through and all is going well but then, I see it. A big wall of bark. I look up. This is the biggest, tallest tree, I have ever seen. It must’ve been a mile high! Just this, one big tree surrounded by all these other trees. It made them look like pathetic weeds in comparison! Now, you might be wondering, ‘Rizzrack, how did you manage to cut this big tree down?’ I didn’t. I screamed and I got as far away as possible. Don’t give me that look, it caught me by surprise! I promise though, someday when I find myself in that area again, I”ll take care of it. No tree goes uncut!”

NortromtheSilencer

“The upper mountainous regions of the Rue Lands is home to some of the most ancient of redwoods, taller than any others I have ever seen. Imagine encountering not one, but hundreds of trees that height? O second thought, don’t. The ecological damage you would cause would be irreparable. In killing those threes you would kill hundreds if not thousands of species habitats, destroying any sense of homeostasis, and leaving them doomed to die along with any who live in the area and rely on hunting.”

“…”

“How does it feel to know that your goal will kill and doom many more than the trees ever have? When does this mad escapade go from you being a hero to the villain?”

Rizzrack

Rizzrack stammers, caught off guard by Nortrom’s sudden input and appearance. Oh boy, according to the small-keen, out of the two of them, Nortrom was definitely the nosier one. That’s saying something.

“Ugh, you clearly underestimate the destructive nature of trees. There’s plenty of other things this world can rely on other than those monsters I assure you. It’s called adapting! And science! Well, in your case I suppose magic. Ugh, anywho, trust me, sacrifices must be made for the greater good. Besides, Silencer, if you really, truly believe me to be a villain, you’d put an end to me, wouldn’t you?” Rizzrack leans back within his suit and smirks. “Hah, thought so!”

NortromtheSilencer

“No, I see you as not realizing of the very destruction you are causing. For one who boasts about being in a race of scientifically minded and advanced beings, you know nothing about your own psychology or the ecosystem.”

He stares, rather null of expression, before adding one last note, “And if you do come to be a threat, you are correct: I will not hesitate to put you down.”

Rizzrack

Rizzrack rolls his eyes in annoyance and makes a mock puppet with his hand, “yapping” with it as Nortrom speaks. He sighs, waiting for the man to finish a speech the Keen takes more effort to ignore than to listen to. Of course as usual, something catches his attention. He meets the Silencer’s stare with an offended look.

“Excuse me? If I DO become a threat?”

This implies something, doesn’t it? Yes! It implies that maybe he isn’t doing his job to the best of his ability. How could that be though? Have any villages, towns or cities been destroyed by trees lately? Well, no, but, it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen, and this Silencer.

Ugh! Snobby, smug, son of a-

“Birch, oak, elm, you name it, those are the real threats! Why can’t-why can’t you just get that? Oh, pfft why do I keep wasting my time trying to reason with you? It’s pointless.”

The Timbersuit gives a dismissive wave with a clawed hand as it turns to leave.

“Whatever. I’m done here. I’ve got more important things to do, like a thankless job.” The cockpit of the suit rotates around as it continues to walk away to reveal the operator sticking his tongue out in a childish manner. “Oh, and I’ll be looking forward to that day you try to stop me! With great anticipation!”

NortromtheSilencer

Arrogance was one of the few peeves Nortrom had no tolerance for, on top of ignorance. By displaying both, Rizzrack marked himself for the man’s ire. Soon the sounds around them, the rattling clunk of the Timbersaw as it trotted away, vanished into nothingness. Before one might register why this was, the Silencer took off in a blur of violet as he dashed full sprint, glaive manifesting into his hand and hooking straight into the armour of the timbersuit. It vibrated with a cyan hue, pure willpower radiating from matching eyes, glowing, angered, and using this as an anchor point the man forced himself upward and lept into the cockpit before Rizzrack. Given there was no sound, the jarring effect would be greatly magnified on most.

“You better listen up with those big ears of yours,” Nortrom grabbed Rizzrack by the collar of the shirt, hauling him from his seat and face to face. Only the SIlencer’s voice, rife with annoyance and anger, could be heard; All else was silent.

“You think you’re playing some high and mighty hero, saving people from the trees, when all you’re doing is committing eco-terrorism. In a bid to ‘save’ yourself, you instead condemn other creatures to extinction… Ever think about this the other way around? Ever think that those trees that killed your family, your people, your city– Ever think they were doing the same thing? You encroached on their space, cut and killed their kin, so now like you and your mad crusade against trees they lashed out and killed those responsible? The very same bullshit you keep spouting is the very same thing they thought, about the Keens rising up to kill all of them, and destroy their way of life? No, you can’t see further than your own fucking nose, can you? It would be too hard to admit you may have done the same fucking thing in reverse.”

His brows were knit, a stern scowl plastered across age defined featured and eyes glowing a violent blue as he held the silence around them. Nortrom snarled, one last point to make, “If I so much as hear of a single branch falling by your doing anywhere near any of Aeol Drias’ land or holdings, the trees won’t be the worst of your worries. I don’t want your havoc wreaking ways to destroy ANYTHING NEAR Aeol Drias, of so help me I will give you something much greater to fear than some damned plants. Do I make myself clear?”

Rizzrack

Rizzrack expected a reaction, but nothing like this.

The silence comes, blocking noise from penetrating deeper within one’s ears that finger tips could accomplish. His mouth opens to spit out words of indignation. but as the glaive digs itself into his suit, his teeth clench and he winces.

That hurt?

A silent gasp. Caught off guard by the unexpected pain, he recoils at the sudden approach of the man. Fearful, he throws his arms out in defense, and turns away. Bad idea. With no sound of steps to indicate how close he was, the sudden grab sends a jolt of terror through his heart. Any sounds of protest continue to go unheard. He turns his head back to face the man, terrified eyes meeting another pair that glow just as bright with anger as they do blue. The voice hits him as if it originates from within his own mind, and once again he feels within him something he hadn’t felt since he crossed the Harbinger.

Nortrom’s words come fast, but this time Rizzrack takes in every single one. With every word comes a jabbing pain into his very self, challenging every part of his existence that came to be since the day that life-changing event took place. His conscience fought against every statement, searching for reason that he can’t be at fault, that they weren’t deserving of such a fate, but the man continues. Deeper and deeper his words cut him, and the one thought that Rizzrack pushed far into the back of his mind begins to take a step towards the light. He can’t defend himself any longer against his words.

He ceases his struggling within the man’s grip. Try as he might to stop them, tears well up in his eyes as the Silencer makes his final statement. Rizzrack is lost for an answer as a voice he’s repressed for so long speaks within him just as loud as the man. The world is a cruel place, filled with war, souls fighting for their causes and beliefs. Life is unfair. You’re no special.

A desire to avert his gaze tries to overcome him, but he keeps his eyes locked with Nortrom’s. He sees it. He sees it in the lines upon his face. This man before him knows conflict. He knows death, murder, pain. He’s fought his fair share of battles. Putting aside his own pride and selfishness for once, Rizzrack realizes that now about the Silencer.

The air is still held in quiet captivity, but despite his voice going unheard, the movement of his lips still deliver his answer clearly.

“What makes you right?”

NortromtheSilencer

There is a moment of realization in Rizzrack’s eyes, a twitch to his brow and motion carried by his expressions that show he was listening. Good. Even if his answer was just as haughty as the ones before, Nortrom allows the silence to settle, sound gradually returning as if nothing had ever occurred. He instead let his own silence linger, their stares matching, waiting, exemplifying his previous words and those soon to be.

And then…

“The same thing that makes you right, Rizzrack,” Nortrom lowers the Keen enough that his feet can touch the seat, giving him stability, “Nothing.” It’s all assumption by them both, as none can hear the thoughts of the trees, and the motivations of Augury but Augury itself.

Rizzrack

Rizzrack’s feet find their ground as his hands grasp over Nortrom’s which hold him still. Gaining balance, his fingers cautiously tug and pry at his grip as if delicately peeling a sticker from a surface. The small-Keen knows he’s bound to tick him off again some way or another in the future, but for now he just wants to be alone. He needs to think about some things, certain things he has a habit of pushing to the back of his mind, as uncomfortable as it makes him feel to do so.

Nothing.

It tumbles about his mind like a leaf in the breeze. Everything needs a reason, doesn’t it? There was a reason for the trees to attack, just as there was a reason he alone survived. What is the purpose of these things? What is his purpose?

His curiosity taps about, an urge growing within him to seek answers once more if only to satisfy himself and allow him to fabricate some new reason to base a purpose upon. For once he legitimately wants to know more about this man.

The small-Keen looks up at him, and in his heart is a flurry of feelings he just can’t quite figure out. What is it? Something bugs him. Something about the way Nortrom is, having a say in matters as if he knows what truly is going on. Rizzrack’s expression tightens as he begins to admit to himself that maybe this man is more intelligent than he gives him credit for.

As a Keen, it’s humiliating.

He finds himself looking up much longer than intended. He looks away, finding himself growing more and more uncomfortable now in Nortrom’s presence. When has anyone ever spoken to him like this, challenging him, questioning him, but above all, taking him seriously?

He finally pulls himself away from his hold, leaning his hip against the back rest of the seat. Maybe these interactions need to stop, for the sake of his sanity.

Whatever’s left of it, according to the world.

Rizzrack keeps his gaze averted. Despite sound returning to it’s normal state, he finds himself stuck being silent. He can’t seem to find anything else to say now except for a few small words.

“Can you please get off my suit?”

NortromtheSilencer

Nortrom waits a few silent seconds longer before nodding and fully releasing the Keen from his grip. Fully expecting Rizzrack to attempt and cut him down the second he was near the blades, the Silencer acted fast, jumping with a forceful push against the cockpit as far as he possibly could while staying upright. A glance was cast at the machine, and there was a realization that his glaive was still embedded in the hull; Easy to remedy. Placing his left hand slightly away from him, the glaive vanished from where it had been and materialized back into grip as though nothing had occurred. Such a simple feat for the man that would make many common folk think he was much more powerful than in reality.

How strange it was, to think how far the war had corrupted innocence. Perhaps if a Keen came to him spouting off nonsense about trees coming to life and decimating a population, he would have laughed it off as psychosis. Now? That would be one of the least strange things he had seen or heard of. Of course he believed Rizzrack, there was no reason not to. It was this thought that brought Nortrom back to what was said, and while still annoyed he did feel a tinge of remorse…

“If you’re wishing to delve deeper into what may have transpired, while keeping an open mind to dissenting opinion, you may seek me out. Believe it or not, I don’t despise you Rizzrack.” Back turned, the man started to walk away.

Rizzrack

Nortrom’s kick-off sends the suit staggering back, and the small-Keen quickly fumbles for the controls to regain balance before it tips over. Another jolt in his heart from the fear of falling over, he finds himself quickly tiring of it. An exhausted sigh and shoulders slump forward as he glares at the embedded glaive until it returns to its owner. Nothing left to keep the two of them in each other’s vicinity. It would be better for him to head off anyways and calm his rattled nerves by making some repairs to the suit. An activity that may prove difficult with the strange hurricane of thoughts and feelings swirling about in his head.

So confusing. He didn’t like it, and in typical Rizzrack fashion, the best way to handle scary confusing things was to avoid it.

Stupid Silencer. Thinks he knows everything but he just doesn’t get it.

You stubborn creature.

Rizzrack’s head hangs low, the brim of his helmet shadowing the tears that welled in his eyes but his long face still easily tells of his hurt feelings. Finding no other reason to hang around any longer, his hands go for the controls but Nortrom’s words hold him still. He would have rolled his eyes and scoffed at the man, but he didn’t. Instead he only thinks about it, givesa loud exasperated sigh, then turns the suit about and walks it off.

“Let’s just forget this happened.”

#I'm on a roll baby #compile

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sciencelings-writes · 6 years ago

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Iron Man Bingo: Tony Stark & Harley Keener

this is part of my 5+1 series of Tony and his kids, this one has less Tony in it which was not what I was planning but I’m mostly trying to show how much he cares, even from afar.

Every Christmas, Harley got a ridiculously expensive gift that he knew his mother couldn’t afford. It was always labeled that it was from ‘Santa’ but Harley was anything but stupid. There was a billionaire out there that still felt bad after several years of putting him in danger once. Okay, maybe twice but Harley honestly didn’t dwell on it. He actually liked helping Tony out when he was twelve, his life was boring anyway.

Usually, it was a custom kit to build something that gradually got more and more complicated. They would be robots and other machines that kept Harley busy for a few weeks before he ended up modifying it to his own design for the rest of the year.

It was a single armed robot with gold lettering on it that cheekily spelled out ‘ANTHON-E’ or ‘TON-E’ for short. Tony wasn’t discrete. And he had a strange sense of humor.

Okay, Harley thought it was funny and the golden stickers could’ve spelled out anything he wanted. Harley was the one that thought it was funny to call the bot TON-E. But Tony did send a note with ideas for names that were just as bad. Mostly puns that ended in ‘-E.’ Most of them were not FUN-E. In fact, they were borderline SHIT-E.

But one year, the year after the shitshow that was Ultron and the breakup of the Avengers, Harley got something a little different. There was a huge box of parts and Harley audibly gasped when he took a look at the blueprints. It wasn’t a little project or a robot, it was a full-on Iron Man suit. Tony had included several colors of paint and literally everything Harley could ever hope to need to make the suit perfect, although the weapons were understandably less powerful.

They weren’t like nerf guns instead of actual guns, but they weren’t going to destroy his whole block if he fucked something up.

The only thing fully put together in the kit was the arc reactor. Sure, Harley had seen it up close, hell, he had put it back in Tony's chest that one time but it had been a few years and now that he had a better idea of what it was, he was fascinated by it. There was a note on it from Tony, it gave a personal phone number and an invitation to ask for anything else that he would need and a suggestion for a free visit to New York.

Harley was a little bit excited. When he wasn’t being watched by his little sister and mother, he literally jumped up and down with a ridiculous grin pasted on his face. It took him a full month to stop smiling and he started working on the suit immediately. He also started regularly texting Tony after years of not talking him.

Their conversations ranged from dumb shit that Harley was not ashamed of talking about to deep shit like the effect of the loss of the Avengers. It took a few months and several reminders that Harley knew how to deal with the man's panic attacks that he opened up again.

Harley may not be a therapist or anything like that, but he was the type of person that could listen to people. He listened to his mom when she broke down when he suggested she try dating again, he listened to Tony during his panic attacks and the adults always felt bad for unloading their trauma onto him but he didn’t care. Sometimes people needed someone to listen and think for them when they couldn’t think straight and Harley honestly didn’t mind being that person. He seemed to stay calm when other people would freak out.

Right before spring break, Harley finished his suit. He had fully tested it and wanted to see how it would fare for long distances, so he decided to surprise Tony by visiting. He wasn’t an asshole though, he told his mom that he was going to go visit, he just didn’t tell her that Tony didn’t even know.

Honestly, Harley only knew that Tony was going to be in the country because his AI connected to FRIDAY and she had told him Tony’s schedule for the whole month. He specifically took a few weeks off to chill out and Harley was planning on ruining it. Eh, Tony would forgive him.

He was kind of surprised that his mom let him go at all, but it turned out that she had talked to Pepper Potts and she had promised that she would make sure that Harley would be taken care of as she was sure that Tony couldn’t even take care of himself. Okay, he could but a lot of the time he forgets that human bodies had needs that had to be met every day. Like sleeping and eating.

Anyway, Harley left as soon as he could. And now he could say, flying was pretty fucking awesome. He topped out at about one thousand miles per hour, faster than a normal plane, but it would still take a while to get to New York. So he enjoyed the ride. For one, the view was beautiful, by being so high up, everything just looked so small.

Harley didn’t even think before he flew in loops and just played around with the whole concept of flight. The ducks in the air could probably hear him whooping from outside of his metal mask. But he didn’t think that they had the brain capacity to care.

He was in the middle of a swan dive when his visor turned red and text flashed in front of his eyes. Thankfully, it wasn’t a problem with the suit or anything like that. It was an alert for something happening nearby.

By then he had been flying for a while and was already above West Virginia. The alert just said that the AI had sighted a mugging using a nearby security camera. The guy had a gun and his AI had deemed it safe enough to be his first act of heroism. He didn’t have much else to do and if he actually wanted to be some sort of superhero, he would have to actually do some hero-ing.

He continued his dive until he was about as high as the nearby building. He slowed his descent and heavily dropped on the ground. He almost lost his balance but he didn’t fall so it was fine.

“Iron Man?” The criminal guy froze in his tracks and dropped the old woman's purse.

“Not quite.” Harley shot a low powered repulser blast at the man and surprisingly hit him. His arm but he fell to the ground. “I’m more like petty-crime Iron Man.”

The criminal was passed out on the ground so Harley paid attention to the woman.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Thank you so much, young man, before you shoot off into the sky, would you mind taking a picture with me? My granddaughter loves Iron Man!” Well, she got over that quickly…

“I guess…” He helped her after she struggled to take a selfie with him and after a few minutes, the lady had a picture of the new black and gold Iron Man. She seemed pretty pleased with the picture. He told her to call the police to report what happened before he shot off into the sky to make his way to New York.

This wasn’t the only stop he ended up having, he ended up stopping a robbery in New Jersy and distracted a potential rapist so that a girl could get an uber home. He wasn’t aware of how many pictures were taken of him and by the time he got to new york, there were several news sites that wrote about him. Most had headlines like ‘Iron Boy?’ or ‘Is there a new Iron Man?’ and dumb shit like that but one had ‘Tony Stark has a child who fights crime?’ So it could’ve been worse.

He landed at the Avengers compound in the middle of the night. He was exhausted but excited at the same time. Conflicting emotions were annoying. He popped out of his iron suit and stretched a bit before strolling into the compound with slightly hunched shoulders. Pepper met him inside, apparently, she had stayed awake waiting for him.

“Tony is just in his workshop and he’s going to stay down there all night if you don’t get him out of there. I’m going to bed and if you just join him, I’m going to sic FRIDAY on you guys.” Pepper threatened with a yawn. Harley was physically exhausted enough not to even think about denying her.

Pepper showed him to the workshop and excused herself to go to bed. FRIDAY let him in and Tony didn’t even notice. Tony seemed to be intensely examining a glowing holographic screen in front of him. Harley sat by him for a full five minutes before Tony even realized that he was there.

“Kid?” Tony looked like he hadn’t slept in a week so Harley was surprised that the guy even recognized that he was a kid.

“Hello to you too, it’s been a while.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Chill out, it’s spring break, I just decided to stop by.” Harley smiled and stood up. “Come on, you look like shit. Your girlfriend wants you to get some sleep.”

“You know I haven’t had enough sleep when I consider that you’re a hallucination.”

“Why the fuck would you hallucinate me? Maybe in the morning, we can reunite properly but personally, I’m about to pass out so…”

“Yeah yeah, no need to make me feel guilty… goddammit, you have gotten better at that…” Tony stretched and stood up in a way that strangely reminded Harley of a cat. “I saw you didn’t waste too much time to go play vigilante.”

“The fly here was pretty boring.” Harley shrugged. “Hey FRIDAY, tell Pepper we’re on our way up.”

‘Of course.’ The AIs voice came from the hidden speakers. ‘Boss says that you haven’t gotten the high score for getting Tony out of the lab.’

‘What’s the high score?’

‘Fifiteen seconds due to an accidental alert from Spider-Man. He didn’t mean to press the panic button.’ FRIDAY replied and if she had a face, Harley was sure that she was smiling. Or rather, smirking.

“Well, I’m going to beat that record.”

“Good luck with that kid…” Tony groaned. “Please at least promise not to give me a heart attack.”

“You have a med bay here right?” Harley smirked.

“Jesus Christ…”

Pepper could hear the laughing all the way from the Iron Suite.

#iron man bingo 2019 #harley keener #tony stark #iron man #iron lad #kinda #Tony stark has a heart #irondad #iron dad #Harley POV #marvel #mcu #iron man 3 #tony stark defense squad #Tony stark is a good dad you asshole

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cheswirls · 5 years ago

Text

tether notes 1/3

long overdue, sry abt that.

pt. 1

why is there no change to the mines after 15+ years of destroying an environment?

i modeled the sinnoh region of tether almost exclusively on the hokkaido region of japan. from the layout of cities like sapporo, abashiri, and muroran, to geography like lake saroma northeast of veilstone and the hidaka mountain range for lower mt coronet, and especially, to the isolationism. i kept it trie to pokemon in the fact that sinnoh has no railways, unlike its real-life counterpart, which has plenty for traversing its vastness. a big part of hokkaido is how empty it is.

[on that note, though i mention both, i used muroran photography to model veilstone instead of abashiri, as its a proper port town. not super significant, jsu thought i’d bring it up, since muroran is sandgem’s counterpart.]

hokkaido is vastly underpopulated in ratio to its size. its mostly due to climate, and nature. things are far less technologized there. outside of sapporo, you won’t find very many glowing billboards and fancy casinos and active nightlife. you have to ride a train for hours to reach the next big town. the mountain range cuts the northern region in half.

when compared to this, little villages out in the middle of the wilds are far more isolated than towns. especially when they’re remnants of indigenous tribes. it’s sad, but it’s pretty standard process in the world nowadays -governments don’t care about the native people much. it’s prevalent in the united states, and if you’ve ever read commentary from fma’s mangaka arakawa, you’ll know the same is true for japan. the ainu are isolated to hokkaido. they aren’t looked after much.

so, even though it’s been a direct result of oreburgh’s mines’ negative effects, it’s still a matter of most of the sinnoh region not even knowing the village existed, and even if they did, not paying it mind. the wilds of sinnoh are difficult to traverse, and it’s more logical to take a boat to your destined city instead of traversing through them. that’s why so many of the big towns in sinnoh are located on a shore. for others, like jubilife and hearthome, there are airports that cater to people. and, for real life hokkaido, there are the trains.

i really wrote abt the mining incident in reference to bangladesh. in hokkaido, once all the prevalent mines started having accidents, the japanese government was quick to shut them down. in other eastern countries, especially bangladesh, the government is notorious for doing nothing abt the insane amounts of river pollution caused by factory waste. writing the river scene was heartbreaking, but learning about the trash rivers that prevail in countries with vast amounts of pollution, of the ones that run stark orange with mining waste, that was more difficult than anything i’d written for tether.

so it comes down to being a mix of two things. one, sinnoh’s government viewing the production of the mine and the money it brings over the safety of the nature that surrounds it. and, two, no one noticing the damage anyway. it’s not like it ever affected oreburgh. or, maybe it did, but they installed the fresh-air vents to keep the mines clean, like the changes made in pokemon platinum suggest? the oreburgh mines are the sinnoh region’s majority of energy, after all (you can argue for sunyshore, but i’d say solar power only stretches so far from the source) so even if there’s a scuffle of it here or there, keeping it active is important.

also. my take of the pokemon world has always been a little gritty. so there’s that.

why hancock as champion?

i ask myself this question everyday. i don’t even like boa. why did i include her, if in name only? what was i thinking? oh well. it’s already been done.

[side note, again. if boa’s in charge of sinnoh, considering her, erm, personality, is it hard to believe nothing was ever done abt the mine pollution? aka does she care abt anyone but herself hm hm ]

pt 2.

i introduce a pokemon known as driftzel rather early on. it’s luffy’s, and it’s an in-progress pokemon, a concept i thought would be interesting to use. you can see what driftzel looks like here. it also links to the blog i got the idea from. instead of it being like a natural evolution, though, the idea in tether is more of a middle evolution for pokemon with two lines. so, there aren’t any for three-line evolutions. i was originally going to introduce ricaru, an evolution between riolu and lucario, but i moved away from that idea somewhere around writing part 4.

herbalist!law is the solution i came up with in lieu of him being a doctor. i had so much fun with the berries. when i was doing my maps for each part of tether, i had separate maps marking out the locations of berries in the games and which ones law collects along the journey to veilstone.

hearthome is the only city i didn’t base on a real world counterpart. i think because i had too much to work with already. the cathedral, the contest hall, the gym. all the architecture. the poffin house. i didn’t wanna change anything abt hearthome, and more importantly, i wanted to portray part of japan’s hospitality here, too. it does extend all the way to hokkaido, yes. people are nice, and friendly, and happy to have travelers, just as depicted in all the games.

yes, all of ace’s pokemon are named after spade pirates. except for isuka, because i couldn’t resist. yes, striker is a spade pirate, it was his ship.

[in reference to the night walk between hearthome and solaceon] remember to bring a compass, when you’re in a region with a giant magnetic mountain range at its center, because it will be a lifesaver.

Law can see how uneasy Luffy still is, but as they walk further from the coast, he eases up, so he chooses not to ask

^ in platinum, the opposite shore houses the hallowed tower where you can encounter spiritomb. sensing the presence of an evil spirit leaves luffy on edge, thus their dodge to avoid it.

why are lunar wings, an event-only item, brought up in hearthome?

you’re right. lunar wing is a rare dppt item, and you can only get it after encountering cresselia on fullmoon island. my inspiration came from an episode of the dp anime, where a stall in canalave was selling the feathers as homage to the game event. actually, to go further, the same thing happened in the darkrai movie, which is where i got most of the insp. especially for the charms made out of them -look at the picture here!! i figured, with the sinnoh region i was depicting being a place of mostly friendly and peaceful pokemon, cresselia was more generous with her feathers. they make for popular items, and if they work in keeping the bad dreams away, whats the harm? plus, they’re in hearthome, a hotbed for tourists and foreign activity, because they’d sell best there. a good luck souvenir from sinnoh? sign me up.

but they are still lunar wings, and they do work, as shown with chimchar. i really wanted a piece of practical merchandise i could show off, and once i got the idea for chimchar’s introduction, i tweaked the hearthome scene to include the feathers. if you pay attention, though, you’ll note that law no longer has restless sleep after luffy’s secured a lunar wing.

the solaceon ruins was a place i wanted to explore so badly, but it just didn’t make sense within the continuity of the story, especially when i decided to go the northern route and introduce tsuru out of the fog. my original ideas were split between that, and law/lu cutting through the mountainous area of the ruins as a shortcut to veilstone. i was really captivated with exploring the uncharted areas of sinnoh’s map, and i think at this point i had established enough, so i decided they would stay on paved routes this time. but! i did want to bring it up, which is where carmel comes in.

in the games, there are houses on the outskirts of solaceon, nestled between the trees, and very close to the ruins. there’s one house where a little boy will give you ball capsule stickers. that’s the basis for mother carmel’s house. she lives there with anana, the first of the captive granddaughters to be introduced.

anana is creepy in canon. you can’t die that. i used carmel’s canon portrayal to match, and then the scene becomes a match of who’s creepier -the ruins or this old lady? the atmosphere around the ruins is weird. there are unknown there, so the space is distorted. it’s an old place. it’s quite possibly connected to giratina and the distortion world, since there are unknown present. it’s supposed to be eerie and strange and off-putting. it’s supposed to feel like a place where a wandering child can disappear into quite easily. though, maybe carmel’s just inattentive.

The trees out here are tall, towering over them in shades of deep green and dull orange, a byproduct left over from spring’s bloom

i mention orange trees in a section of the woods just past solaceon. they’re not orange from fall, though, they’re naturally so. oran trees! any off-colored trees mentioned -assume they’re berry trees. also another berry thing i had fun with, deciding which was a bushel and which was a plant and which was a huge tree.

i had way too much fun depicting the fog forest. i actually listened to a lot of pkmn soundtrack while writing tether, and for this part, this santalune forest remix was on constant replay. getting turned around, not being able to see your map, hearing the sounds and calls of wild pokemon, and then getting so lost in it that you begin to hear what isn’t there. not being able to see in front of you, barely able to dodge attacks and sabotage from wild pokemon, and feeling like youre going insane from myriads of different tunes clashing together. the road between solaceon and the dragon tamer’s house is terrifying, and i wanted to use this to depict the dangers of traveling in the pokemon world. though most sinnoh pokemon thus far had been shown to have good intentions, it can’t be said about every pokemon.

not to mention the big drop you have before the bridge, right when you get out of the fog! not really even out of it, as it sticks around near the dragon tamer’s house. could you imagine encountering something like that in real life? imagine how many accidents there would be.

so i had a bit of trouble in deciding if i wanted to use tsuru or not. this was fairly early on in wano, and i knew i wanted to use tama, but who to pair her up with for grandmother/daughter matches was iffy. looking back at my list, i had lots of other picks for the dragon elder. gloriosa, shakky, kureha, rouge, gerth, even! carmel, too, at one point was a pick, since i planned this part out early on into the story. i actually had marine tsuru on the list as well! in the end, i think i decided on wano tsuru bc of all the dragon tie-ins thus far. if i were to go back, now, i think i might change it to toki and hiyori, possibly. or, tsuru and hiyori. not that i dont love tama, though, i do.

i had a small list of grandkids, too, depending on who was the grandmother. anana, rebecca, tama, marguerite, and a few choices for marine tsuru (the standout was, apparently, isuka. then i repurposed the name for ace’s talonflame. tashigi was another pick, but in the end in wanted little girls.) at another point i thought about hiluluk and chopper, and had another grandfather/son combo that i can’t remember anymore. those were scrapped early on, since i wanted all girls. i also thought abt chimney and kokoro, but i wanted them on a more coastal city, to mirror water 7.

there were two things i really wanted to happen in tether. one was a pokemon joining a team. and another was an evolution. part 2 fulfills one of those w chimchar, the pokemon i always wanted luffy to have, and the one i never knew i needed him to earn. also, giving pokemon their own personalities is really cute.

also, just before this scene, i take a skip, marking the second time an indefinite amount of time has passed between scenes. i realized while writing the time through mt coronet that i was writing more passively than actively, and this was speeding up things more than i liked. it’s why i took a break and depicted hearthome for a couple days, so that things were happening more in the moment. still, i hope at this point it’s gotten across that it’s taken a long time to travel to veilstone. moving across the entire region is a long journey, after all.

introducting aura, a movie concept.

so. aura was the main reason i wanted tether to take place in the sinnoh region. it’s actually mentioned in the games once, and that’s from riley, one of the sinnoh quartet, on iron island. in the movie where the concept is introduced, it’s brought with a lucario, another region. in the anime, riley has an active role in aura. but, for those who’ve just played the games, or know next to nothing abt pokemon, i tried to explain my best in-story.

aura takes the place of conquerors haki in this pokemon verse, basically. you’re born with the sensitivity to it, so it’s not something just everyone can unlock. it’s rare, and it’s widely unknown. like law says, in sinnoh it’s considered an old myth. outside of sinnoh, it’s hardly known at all. so finding others to learn from is difficult. most people go their whole lives without even knowing what it is, just considering it natural luck that they can perceive things than others cannot. luffy meeting shanks, and learning that they both are sensitive to aura, is an incredible thing. having someone to teach you how to manipulate aura rare, and pretty amazing, when you think of the chances. but luffy and shanks live in different regions, and luffy has his own life. it’s been a long time, training, and as he expresses in part 2, he’s still not as far as he wants to be.

aura guardians, what shanks is, are almost unheard of. with great power comes great responsibility. and with great power comes the desire to obtain it. aura guardians are secret for a reason -if someone found out a person had an incredible power, and had the desire to, would they not seek it out for themselves? even to other aura users, revealing themselves wasn’t wise. protect yourself first. it’s a motto you’ll see come into play later.

with that said, and with one of the last things luffy mentions in part 2: could that have something to do with why shanks has gone missing?

#tether #im writing pt3 notes today #when i finish ill post them and pt3 to ffn

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