#it’s like really…bad. it’s really old. I think this house was built in 65? the carpet in here is the original

[werebutch]

I cant wait to get my carpet replaced bru it’s shag do you know what I’m dealing with here. I have rabbits. There is HAY EVERYWHERE.

[olena]

Long COVID Experts: U.S. Government Needs to Do More | Time

For many people who are done with the pandemic and the caution that came with it, a maskless supermarket may seem like a sign of progress. But for those with an intimate understanding of Long COVID, it feels like a bad omen.

Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel is used to feeling like the only person in the country who still cares about COVID-19. He ignores the side-eye he gets for wearing an N95 mask at parties—a self-imposed policy that makes him “look odd” but kept him safe after a recent work dinner turned into a superspreader event. The oncologist, bioethicist, and professor at the University of Pennsylvania provides each of his students with an N95 and runs four HEPA air filters during lectures. He rolls down the windows when he gets in an Uber and goes hungry on planes so he can wear his mask the whole time. He’s given up one of his favorite pastimes—dining at restaurants—even now that many people don’t think twice about eating indoors.

Emanuel, 65, takes these precautions even though he’s vaccinated and boosted and thus well protected against severe COVID-19. The acute disease doesn’t scare him much—but what could come after does.

“The only thing that’s preventing me from leading a normal life is the risk that I’ll get Long COVID,” Emanuel says. “I can’t say why people aren’t [reacting like] their hair’s on fire. This is a serious, serious illness.”

...

By the CDC’s own estimate from June, one in five U.S. adults with a known prior case of COVID-19 had symptoms of Long COVID. Having COVID-19 also raises a person’s risk of developing chronic conditions including heart disease, asthma, and diabetes,

...

Long COVID can take many forms, including exhaustion, cognitive dysfunction, neurological issues, and chronic pain. People can develop it whether they’re young or old, sick or healthy, vaccinated or not. And while some people get better in a matter of months, recent studies and many patient experiences show symptoms can last years. There is no known cure for Long COVID, and the only way to prevent it is not to get infected at all.

...

Many Americans welcomed the return to normalcy. But to McCone, 32, that approach is “a crime against humanity,” given what we now know about Long COVID.

...

McCone got sick in March 2020. COVID-19 knocked him flat. ... More than two years later, McCone barely leaves the house, except for medical appointments. He still has severe fatigue, chest pain, shortness of breath, and nervous system dysfunction. He can’t work because of his symptoms, and his partner has become his caretaker. His symptoms got even worse after catching COVID-19 again in September 2021, so he’s “petrified” of getting reinfected—a fear he wishes more people shared.

...

Hannah Davis, a machine learning expert who began researching Long COVID after her own diagnosis, also got sick in March 2020. Davis has testified about Long COVID before Congress and advised federal health officials about the condition. She says those experiences have shown her that health officials understand that Long COVID is a substantial problem, and that, while vaccines reduce the risk of developing it—by some amount between 15% and 50%, studies suggest—they are not failsafe. The U.K.’s Office for National Statistics recently reported that roughly 4.5% of triple-vaccinated adults developed Long COVID after being infected by Omicron. But the government doesn’t seem to want to dwell on these scary stats, Davis says. “It really looks like it’s being hidden intentionally,” she says.

Davis believes that’s because the Biden Administration leaned heavily on vaccines as a ticket out of the pandemic and is wary of walking back that messaging now,

...

Some Long COVID advocates and scientists have called for an initiative like Operation Warp Speed—the Trump Administration program that quickly yielded multiple effective COVID-19 vaccines—for Long COVID treatments. But the NIH hasn’t built anything of the sort...

Dr. Eric Topol, founder of the Scripps Research Translational Institute and a prolific parser of COVID-19 research on Twitter, says the NIH is doing good research on the underlying science of Long COVID, but he’d like to see more trials focused on treatments. “You need to do both, because we can’t wait another year or two for the biology to be better defined,” Topol says. (The NIH says it will begin treatment-focused trials this fall...

...

A tremendous amount of Long COVID research has been published in the last two years, most coming out of independent laboratories, Putrino says. From this work, scientists have found multiple possible explanations for Long COVID symptoms: SARS-CoV-2 virus lingering in the body, abnormal immune system activity, reactivation of other viruses previously lying dormant, tiny blood clots throughout the body, and more. These disparate findings suggest that there may be different root causes or subtypes of Long COVID, which means all patients might not respond to the same therapy. But each one suggests a possible path to treatment worth testing sooner rather than later, Topol says.

...

Journalist and author Katie Hafner, 64, was one of the unlucky people to develop Long COVID after being vaccinated and boosted. She got infected in May and was left with significant fatigue and brain fog. Her Long COVID symptoms were on the milder end of the spectrum and have improved with time, but Hafner says she can still manage only a few hours of work per day and has to carefully monitor her physical and mental energy levels. Her anxiety has also escalated since getting sick.

Hafner’s husband is Dr. Robert Wachter, chair of the department of medicine at the University of California, ...

[Who, by the way, publicly shamed her: https://twitter.com/Bob_Wachter/status/1522799251914313728

She got sick shortly after.

Now Bob says:

“If it turns out that it markedly increases the rates of some of the biggest medical hazards we have in life”—including organ failure, heart disease, and dementia, as research currently suggests— “the toll of that over years and years will be tremendous,” Wachter says. “I don’t think [the CDC has] done a good job explaining that at all.”

...

Experts say there is more that can be done, even before new therapies are discovered or developed. To slow transmission and thus lower rates of Long COVID, Topol says the CDC should tell people to isolate for longer than five days after getting infected and campaign harder for people to get booster shots. Emanuel, meanwhile, would like to see better communication about which masks protect wearers from infection; respirators like N95s are more effective than surgical or cloth masks, but many people still walk around in droopy blue surgical masks. Public indoor spaces, like restaurants and schools, should also have enforceable requirements for ventilation and air filtration, given the virus’ ability to spread in the air.

...

A return to mask mandates would also be a good step, Davis says. But even if none of those changes are enacted, she says the government should at least emphasize how common Long COVID appears to be and that it can affect vaccinated people. She fears many vaccinated people think they’re in the clear and can’t get Long COVID, because the Administration has sung the shots’ praises so much. “We’re just drowning in this sea of misinformation that is not only causing people to poorly think about their own risk, but also putting other people at risk,” Davis says.

Those with Long COVID often say they feel like they’re screaming into the void, trying to get through to people who either aren’t aware of or don’t care about the condition and the possibility it could affect them, too.

For many people who are done with the pandemic and the caution that came with it, a maskless supermarket may seem like a sign of progress. But for those with an intimate understanding of Long COVID, it feels like a bad omen.

[apocalypseornaw]

Love Finds You

For the square "Arranged Marriage" on @girl-next-door-writes bingo

Mafia (ish) AU. Warnings are cursing, angst, John trying to kill the reader, Dean killing John

Word Count: 5,343

You walked through the quiet halls hearing the echo of your boots reverberate to your own ears. Something big was happening for this place to be this quiet. It was like a tomb where normally there was a solid bustle of movement. You stopped just shy of the entrance to your uncle’s study. You felt an uneasiness but pushed it down before knocking on the heavy door. “Come in” you heard his voice carry out and knew he wasn’t alone.

You straightened your jacket before pushing the door open and wasn’t at all surprised to see none other than John Winchester sitting in front of your uncle Joseph’s desk. Your eyes narrowed at the presence of the other man and you unconsciously reached to touch the gun riding at your hip and saw Joseph give the barest shake of his head “Y/N I believe you know our guest” John held his hand out but you didn’t care about the pretense of politeness you’d earned your reputation and with it had come the right to act as you saw fit so you simply folded your arms “The man whose wife was killed when his kids were young so he’s done everything in his power to stay as far away from those kids and be the poorest excuse for a father even this line of work has ever seen?” 

Joseph looked taken aback but John on the other hand had the nerve to laugh “Yeah I heard she was something and she does not disappoint” you turned your eyes to your uncle “What’s all this cloak and dagger bullshit? Why is the head of the only other family in the world that comes close to your empire sitting in your office?” “As you just said dear. The Winchesters are the only other family that comes close to ours. What better way to solidify our footing than a union between the two?” you laughed harshly, the sound sharp enough to slice through the air “I know you didn’t call me here with the nerve to propose that I have anything to do with him?” “Actually my oldest son Dean has agreed to do whatever necessary to help the family succeed” John cut in so you spun around on him “So you abandon your kids bad enough to get a reputation for it, then come here to basically plot with Joseph to sell your son off like a prize stud while I’m what? The old mare you’re breeding him to? Make a whole new crop?”

“Y/N that is enough young lady!” Joseph spoke harshly, his voice filling the area as he stood to his full height. You didn’t back down catching the look of amusement John had as you stood your ground “If you expect to marry me off to solidify an empire then I am here to tell you I expect everything to be signed over to me the moment I say I do. If I’m to agree to an arranged marriage then I’m going to fucking profit from it”  Joseph nodded “I’ve been wanting to retire as is” you turned your attention from him to John “I want to meet your son before the week’s end. My future husband and I need to have a long talk. My dear uncle has my number” He nodded “Yes ma’am” you spun around on your heel and marched out the office being sure to slam the door shut behind you.

You held up the pretense until you made it down to your car and only once you were pulling away from the curb did you break tears flowing freely. You knew your life would never truly be your own but now you didn’t even get a chance to try to fall in love, you were being forced to marry someone you’d never meant just to hold onto what your father had built and what you’d bled to keep intact.

It was three days later before your phone rang with a number you didn’t recognize. When you answered it you groaned inwardly at hearing John’s voice “Y/N? Dean wants to know if you’d like to meet today” “Name a time and place” you responded coldly. He reiterated the location and time so you agreed before hanging up. You stared at the phone then clicked the number you had saved on the speed dial. A woman didn’t get as far as you had without having people she could trust. The Banes twins were your right hand man and woman. You’d take them with you to the meeting along with Abaddon who was a bit of a loose cannon but she was loyal to you.

------

A few hours later you were riding in the passenger seat of Abaddon’s range rover with Alicia and Max sitting in the backseat going over a weapon’s check. “So let me get this right, you marry Winchester and your uncle’s part of the business is yours?” Max asked and you nodded. “Do we all get promotions?” Abaddon asked, her red hair gleaming in the sunlight and a barely restrained laugh pulling at her bright red lips.   “Oh you all will be my team that stays in the main house with me” you replied with a sharp laugh.

When she pulled the car to a stop at the iron gate you glanced up to look into the security cameras while she spoke to the monitor that she was your security detail. A few seconds later the gate swung open so she pulled in.

The property was nice, sprawling out in front of you. The garage was open and the inside looked like a classic car collection. Just from a glance you spotted a 65 Shelby, a 70 Coronet and a drop down gorgeous 67 impala. “Please tell me those belong to Dean” you muttered without meaning to earning a laugh from the interior of your vehicle.

She drove around to the front entrance and parked where a guy motioned for her to. You clocked the gun at his side before ever getting out. It was fair enough, you were carrying same as Abaddon and Alicia while Max had more blades on him than you would’ve thought possible before meeting him. “You must be Y/N” the guy greeted you the moment your feet stepped outside the range rover.

You extended your hand with a business smile “That I am. Normally I like to know who I’m talking to?” an easy smile slipped onto his face and you got the sense he was getting a feel for you even before he said “Name’s Benjamin Lafitte ma’am. Feel free to call me Benny, Dean does” You nodded and motioned to everyone in your party in turn “This is Abaddon, Alicia and Max” they all greeted each other then Benny motioned to the door “He’s waiting in the back garden. From what we’ve heard about you formal meetings isn’t really your thing” Abaddon cut her eyes at you so you rolled your eyes before saying “I appreciate a good impression being attempted”

You followed Benny through the main house admiring some of the artwork adorning the walls. It was a nice place. When he stepped to the side to open the doors leading into the back garden a redheaded woman was standing on the other side. With a nod to her Benny made the introductions. Her name was Charlie and it earned Dean a point in your book to learn he had a few women on his team. She joined your little group as Benny led the way past two fountains, a large swimming pool and what looked to be a firing range.

Three men were standing looking out over the property at the edge of the garden. Two were clearly John’s sons while the other looked to maybe be an uncle to them. Benny whistled out and the three turned to face all of you. 

While both of the younger men were good looking your eyes were glued to the shorter of the two. He had bright green eyes that were watching you curiously and just the way he held himself was an underlying sense of control to him at all times. He was gorgeous and the smirk that slipped onto his face from your attention told you that he was well aware of that fact “You must be Y/N. I’m Dean” “Nice to meet you considering we’ll be married in a couple months” you replied with a sharp laugh. The smirk on Dean’s face spread into a grin “I’ve heard a few things about you” “Good or bad?” you asked and he shrugged “Depends on the point of view”

He introduced you to the two men standing with him. One was his younger brother Sam, the other was Bobby Singer the man who’d practically taken over raising him and Sam. Once everyone knew each other’s names Dean nodded to Benny “Call inside for some drinks for our guests while me and Y/N speak in private” his eyes had never left yours but you refused to break eye contact first.

He motioned towards a trail you saw cut through the wooded area around the property “Care to take a walk?” you cut your eyes back towards Alicia, Max and Abaddon. “Yeah those three aren’t letting me out of their sight that easily” he nodded then said “Pick someone to walk with us but you’re not in any danger here. That’s why we had no problem letting you keep your weapons” you raised an eyebrow then motioned to Max “Care to take a walk with us?” he nodded and fell in step a few feet behind you and Dean giving the privacy the two of you needed but not being too far that he couldn’t be to your side quickly if needed.

The two of you walked in silence for a few moments before you broke it by asking “Dean do you even want to marry me? I mean you clearly would have plenty of options” he scoffed and cut his eyes at you “Like you’d have trouble warming your bed up there sweetheart?” you didn’t blush easily and times like this you were glad. He continued by saying “This life is all I’ve known. Between our families no one would dare step out of line and we both have morals we stand by. Innocent people don’t get hurt by us. If marrying a beautiful woman with one hell of a reputation is the cross I must bear then I believe I have fared pretty well” You laughed in earnest at that “Dean Winchester are you trying to sweet talk me?” he grinned and christ it made your stomach flip “Maybe, is it working?” you shook your head with a grin.

He stopped walking and turned to face you with all humor gone from his eyes “I just want to say even after we’re married I won’t lay a finger on you unless you want me to. I know this isn’t ideal but I’d like to think of myself as a good man and I’d like to think I could be a good husband even in this circumstance” You tilted your head slightly as you studied him. After a moment of your silence he scratched at the scruff covering his jaw “Are you gonna say anything in return or just stare at me?” you smiled and replied “Just thinking that you really are not what I expected but in the best of ways” he nodded then glanced back where Max was twirling a knife between his fingers “Think our people are playing nice?” you nodded then said “They’ve got to get used to each other”

John and Joseph alike both had plans for announcing the engagement. Meaning that between them both they had practically planned a damn ball just for a bunch of suits to get together in one room so they could flaunt that their families would be becoming one to the rest of the world. You hated the idea of being trotted around like a show horse.

“Alicia is this damned thing straight?” you asked, turning in front of the mirror. The dress had been designed for you. The color and cut was flattering, it had a slit giving you access to the knife at your thigh not that you’d need it considering Abaddon and Max would both be wearing designer suits decked out with their weapons on display and Alicia like you had a few blades hidden under her dress as well. “Will you stop fidgeting? You look beautiful” she smiled, smoothing the dress under her hands. You spared a smile in the mirror “So you do! I love that red dress” she winked “Thank you”

A knock on the door drew both of your attention so you called out “Yes?” and heard Max ask if the two of you were ready to go downstairs. You took Alicia’s arm then opened the door. Max let out a low whistle “Well you two look amazing” “Thanks Max” you smiled and ran your fingers across the lapel of his suit “You clean up pretty well too” He grinned “Abaddon is already downstairs. Y/N your in-laws were arriving so she sent me up to retrieve you” you rolled your eyes but let him lead the way downstairs.

------

You stopped at the bottom of the stairs and spotted Dean speaking to Joseph but he trailed off mid sentence when he saw you and that smile slid onto his face. Joseph said something to him so he nodded then made his way through the crowd.

When he got in front of you and Alicia he stopped. She kissed your cheek then grabbed her brother’s arm “Come on Max let’s mingle. Y/N we’ll be close enough” you watched her go then turned to Dean with a smile “So how do I look?” he let his eyes trail over your body and you felt heat rush to your face before he finally said “You look like everyone here is going to be cussing me under their breath when they find out we’re engaged” you laughed and shook your head “There’s that sweet talking streak again” he held his hand out and when you took it he asked “Is it working yet?” you rolled your eyes playfully “No but I’ll be sure to let you know when it does”

------

For the next few hours you were close to Dean’s side. You danced with him and Sam, even Bobby asked you for a dance. Abaddon was chatting with Charlie and you spotted Max and Alicia talking with Benny and another of Dean’s people. He was a pretty decent guy, easy on the eyes and easy to be around. You could’ve gotten stuck with a lot worse.

When it got close to midnight you watched as John and Joseph walked onto the stage together. Joseph took the mic first “As most of you are aware John and myself are here to announce something” he handed the mic to John who pointed where you and Dean stood so a spotlight followed “My Oldest son Dean is engaged to marry Joseph’s niece Y/N. We couldn’t be happier and wish the kids the best in the world” Dean wrapped his arm around your waist as would be expected and whispered in your ear “Like they didn’t push us into this” you laughed lightly but to anyone else it would appear just lovers whispering sweet nothings.

For the next while you clung to Dean’s arm as group after group stopped to congratulate the two of you. You found an opening and pulled him after you towards the back exit of the hall. He waved off Benny and Abaddon following you step for step. 

When you finally crashed into the cool night air a nervous laugh fell from your lips “Y/N are you ok?” you nodded then said “I guess it’s just I never saw myself getting married even in this life knowing this was a possibility and honestly I don’t know what it is about you but I’m not as mad as I was” “I hope maybe one day we can love each other Y/N. Even if our life starts like this it doesn’t have to stay like this. Our marriage may have been their idea but I plan to wine and dine you even after you say I do” he replied and you raised an eyebrow “Is it a challenge or making the best of the situation?” you asked so he shrugged “Maybe I just like you”

The two of you sat down on a bench just outside watching the night sky. A shooting star went over head so you bumped Dean’s arm “Make a wish Winchester” he turned to face you and the close proximity made your heart flip again as he said “I could think of a wish or two” you smiled and leaned forward to let your lips gently brush against his. He returned the kiss fully and when you pulled away to catch your breath you whispered “Me too” before he pulled you into another kiss.

Weeks passed after the ball announcing your engagement and during that time a day didn’t go by that you and Dean didn’t speak or spend time together. The more you learned of him the more you started to realize that while you hadn’t picked him it was as if you had he was nearly a perfect match for you. The only thing was he wanted desperately to have his father’s approval but he was twice the man John was. You just wished he’d see it.

You’d also started to spend some time getting to know Sam since he would be your brother-in-law and learned he actually had been enrolled in college to be a lawyer but when his girlfriend had been killed he ended up rejoining the family. He was now seeing a woman named Eileen but didn’t want it to be public knowledge simply because he didn’t want John around her. Knowing John you didn’t blame him and offered any assistance you could in helping him spend time with her.

------

Time rolled around for your final dress fitting so you, Abaddon, Alicia and Charlie were in the private suite of the bridal shop. The dress had been made for you so it fit perfectly. You stepped up to show them and they all clapped. “You look gorgeous and that’s with just a ponytail in your hair” Charlie offered with a grin. You smiled and twirled “Think Dean will like it?” Abaddon who had wandered off to the lingerie section held up a piece and winked “I think he’d prefer you in this” . You covered your face with both hands and Alicia cracked up laughing “Twenty years! I have known you for twenty years and I have never seen you blush!” 

“Have you slept with him?” Charlie asked bluntly and you nearly choked on the wine you were drinking. “I haven’t done more than kissed him” “Oh my god!” Abaddon groaned, flopping dramatically into the nearest chair “Why?” you shrugged “We’ve been getting to know each other!” Alicia raised an eyebrow “You have real feelings for him” when you didn’t respond she gasped “You’ve actually fallen in love with him haven’t you!” your eyes flew to Charlie who sipped her wine quietly. “Charlie” Abaddon spoke more as a question than as her name.

Charlie looked up from her glass “Ok so maybe he’s fallen for you too?” the three of them piled into one chair then looked back at you expectedly “So are you going to admit it?” Alicia finally asked and you shook your head “Not to either of you three”

Two weeks before you and Dean were to be married you were at your condo in the city finishing packing up. The plan was for you and him to move into a property that was between Joseph’s  and the Winchesters. It was large enough that you could both have those you wanted close but have privacy also. God help you had gone from horrified at the idea of this marriage to excited for it.

It was around two in the morning but you couldn’t sleep so you had music playing while you went through some of your older clothes and waited for Abaddon to get there. You heard a window break in your bedroom and grabbed your gun off the coffee table. You didn’t expect the pipe bomb that blew the front door off the hinges and threw you across the room.

You were barely conscious when you heard a voice say “With Joseph out the way we need her dead. We need to make Dean believe rivals killed her. That boy is so in love he’ll rip through them all. Grab her and we’ll keep alive long enough he’ll kill anyone when he finally gets her body” you tried to push yourself up but a black boot came into view. You followed that boot up to look into John’s eyes. He shrugged “Nothing personal sweetheart” then kicked you hard across the face.

------

When news made it to Dean that Joseph was dead and you were missing he felt his blood run cold. “What do you mean she’s missing? I thought you three had her back!” he nearly growled at Abaddon who was standing with Max and Alicia outside of Joseph’s estate where Dean had ended up going with Benny, Charlie and Sam at his side.

“We did! God dammit, I went to get her chinese takeout! I came back and her place was a wreck and these two were calling about the alarm going off at the main house!” Abaddon didn’t back down. She realized that Dean had a right to rage. He was in love with you but you’d been her charge and friend for many years. She’d die for you and wasn’t about to let him act like her and the twins didn’t care. “Well what now?” Benny asked and Charlie raised her hand “Has anyone checked cameras leading from her place?” Sam pointed at her “Good idea. Start there backtrack if possible. Dean we will find her”

------

How long had it been since you’d been taken? Did Dean think you were dead? Was he mourning you? Was John using him as a blunt instrument in his grief?

You were leaned back against a concrete wall curled into a tight ball. Your left eye was swollen shut, the right side of your head was sore to the touch from a blow that had needed staples but the swelling had finally stopped the bleeding. You were certain you had a few cracked ribs and more than likely some internal damage. 

They’d showed you Joseph’s body and while he hadn’t been your favorite he’d still had taken care of you. John had stupidly expected you to die easily. You refused to stop fighting. You owed it to everyone you cared about to stay alive as long as possible. 

You heard boots coming and forced your head up. John was right outside the small cell they’d shoved you into watching you closely. “Really I hate this because you’re a perfect match for Dean but I can’t have your morals fucking up my business. Right now Dean doesn’t like innocent people getting hurt but after I kill you then track down Sam’s new girl. The two of them? Well my boys will be ready to take down anyone I put in front of them” he smiled cruelly and you laughed despite the pain it caused “What’s so funny?”

You waved your hand showing the large slices they’d cut into your arms “You still think they’re anything like you or your dead wife? Those two? They’re good they’ll never follow your lead you bastard” he smiled humorlessly “We’ll see after your body gets delivered to Dean tomorrow” “So you’re here to kill me?” you asked and he pulled his gun out in response “Sure am”

You forced yourself to your feet biting down on your tongue to squash the noises of pain wanting to creep out of your lips. You refused to die on your knees. If you were going down it would be on your feet “Then do it you son of a bitch”

You held his gaze as a shot rang out but to your surprise you didn’t feel the pain of a gunshot instead John crumpled to the ground. You collapsed to your knees rather from pain or shock you weren’t sure but when you saw Dean standing there with a gun staring at his father’s body you began to sob.

You could hear familiar voices. Abaddon,Benny, Max but blocked them out. Thanks to you, the man you loved had been forced to kill his father.

You were curled into yourself when you felt strong hands on your shoulders “Y/N come on baby” you finally looked up to see Dean kneeling next to you. “I’m sorry” you choked out and he looked confused for a second then glanced back “It’s not your fault. I love you and if I had to kill him ten times over to save you I will” he gently pressed his lips to yours, careful of your wounds, then pulled you into his lap.

When the rest of the rescue team found you Dean barely wanted anyone else to lay a hand on you. He finally let Charlie and Bobby get close enough to look over your wounds “Nothing life threatening but she needs a hospital son. Your girl’s a fighter” Bobby said with a kind smile to you. Dean’s eyes were glued to yours as he said “My soon to be wife if she’ll still have me” you nodded crying again “Of course Dean”

“It’s taken a lot to get here but I am proud to say I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride” Bobby announced and Dean pulled you into a deep kiss.

The wedding was a lot smaller than anything Joseph or John had planned. There were barely thirty people in the garden of Joseph’s or well now your estate. It suited you and Dean a lot better. When Dean pulled back he smiled down at you “I love you Y/N” “I love you too Dean”

After the reception instead of throwing your bouquet you walked over and handed it to Eileen then winked at Sam “You’re next brother in law” Dean laughed and slid an arm around your waist “You heard my wife Sammy”

@girl-next-door-writes

[mccoyyy]

Bring historical accuracy to Carlisle's early life, pretty please 🥰

absolutely (and thank you @pandabooraccoon and the other two anons who asked something similar to this too I love you so much). I'm putting this under a read more cause, yeah

ok, to start of with I am nowhere near an expert, but this time period in history really fascinates me cause there was so much going on. 

so Carlisle was born in 1640′s London, and at the time there was a shit tonne of religious and political upheaval going on. You had the Union of Crowns, disagreements over the Church systems, covenanting, Civil War and Cromwell, Executions and the removal and restoration of the Monarchy. Shit was mad. But I’m gonna start with Carlisle’s dad (I’m going to call him Abraham but full credit for that one goes to @panlight​) cause I have so many thoughts

Abraham was a pastor in 1640. He most likely started working when he was breached and then took over as Pastor (Preacher) after his dad died. I’m going to say he was born around 1620, married in 1639ish and then Carlisle was born a year later. So he would be what, 20 when Carlisle was born. 

First of the bat, there is no way that Abraham would still be alive and kicking when Carlisle was 23. The life expectancy back then was just under 40, so a 43 year old Abraham cutting about burning witches (and we’ll get to that in just a moment) just isn’t realistic but neither are vampires so oh well. In terms of religion if were being historically accurate, then Abraham would have most likely been an Anglican pastor as that was the dominant form of church in England at the time and he would have been fucked up by the mob/church/general public/all of the above for being anything else

However, it gets sticky when you bring in the idea of Puritanism. I firmly believe that Abraham would have loved Cromwell and puritanism (cause I like to headcanon him as an utter dick) but if were doing that then it creates a problem. If Abe was a devout Protestant Anglican, he would have believed in the divine right of kings (a monarch has no authority other than the word of god and therefore doesn't need to listen to anyone else) and therefore seen Charles I as the mouth of God, and had issues with the whole execution thing, so if Abe was a Puritan, then he would probably have to be a Presbyterian (dominant form of church in Scotland and also the parliamentarians) but again, this causes problems cause no one really liked Presbyterianism (understatement). It’s possible that he could have been influenced by Cromwell and switched from Anglicanism but religion back then was very different to what it was now, it took a lot to get people to change their ideas over faith (see the plague) so I’m gonna go out on a limb and blame Charles I who first started to undermine parliament and try to start Absolutism which lead Abe to change his loyalties. Either that or he supported Cromwell’s agenda but didn’t agree with execution which is the most likely option tbh.

With Abraham out of the way, we can now move on to our boy. Carlisle, the son of a pastor in 1640, there is no fucking way that this dude didn’t know the year/date he was born. Know why? cause dates were recorded by none other than the fucking church. aka his father. Carlisle is just bad with dates but that's ok buddy i guess that happens when your like 300. Secondly, his dad wouldn’t have raised him. It would have been left up to his mum, but cause she wasn't around he would have been raised by a wet nurse until he was breeched and entered the adult world at the ripe and grown up age of six (at least I think but I’m not 100% sure) when he would have started helping his father with sermons, and received an education of some form (probably a clerics education). Either way, he would have been helping his father at a very young age and exposed to so much shit

Back to Abraham for a wee second. Smeyer writes that he hunted down and burned vampires but again, this isn’t likely. Vampire hunters did exist but not in London. They were most common in Bulgarian/Serbian beliefs and even then they were very different to the modern idea of vampire hunters. And secondly, they wouldn’t have been burned! pyres weren’t used in the 1600s and instead would probably have been killed through hangings, torture or trials to determine whether they were a witch or not. So the good news is, Carlisle didn’t have to watch women being burned alive from the age of like six, he would only have to watch women being drowned, tortured, disembowelled, branded and hanged! and not just women accused of being witches, but most likely Catholics too!

We don’t know much about Carlisle’s life from his birth to his ‘death’, so I’m gonna take creative liberty and make some stuff up. London in the 1640s was utterly awful. It was dark, bleak, and really smelly. He was pretty lucky in terms of the plague cause the only major outbreaks occurred just before him and just after him (1603, 25 and 65) but there would have been the odd outbreak. I like to believe that Carlisle was an argumentative little shit and from the age of like 10 argued with his dad about literally everything. Canon says that Carlisle didn’t agree with his fathers particular brand of faith, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say that whilst he was still a protestant, and most likely Anglican, he probably followed an early form of religious tolerance at the least. Lutheranism didn’t reach England until around the enlightenment so I don't want to call him that but it was in existence in Germany at the same time so others had probably moved towards it a little, it just didn't have a name. His tolerance probably came from watching his father punish Catholics from the age of six, and their main argument as he got older was probably regarding tolerance of Catholicism. As much as I hate to say it, its low key unrealistic that Carlisle wasn’t married as a human so that would probably have been another point of contest between Carlisle and Abraham.

During Cromwell’s puritan reign was the most prominent witch-hunting years too, so if were being really nit-picky then Abraham would probably have only started hunting witches or at least started doing it a lot more frequently than he previously did round about here.

Cromwell died in 1658, and the monarchy was restored in England in 1660, but Carlisle’s dad most likely still followed puritan ideals and was not happy with the restoration period, and again, the revival of Christmas, theatre and fun was something that 20 year old Carlisle and Abraham would have disagreed over. Carlisle would have taken over a lot of his fathers duties round about this time, leading sermons and all that because Abraham should have been dead by now so I guess smeyer can have that one.

And now we get up to our boy’s final years. And this is like shooting still targets. Carlisle was hunting vampires in London sewers when he got bit, and then crawled into a potato cellar where he writhed in agony for 3-4 days. Firstly, sewers. The London sewage system wasn’t built for one or two hundred years. London was so fucking smelly. Like so much so that if it was sunny the house of commons/Westminster had to be evacuated cause the (literal) shite in the Thames would have warmed up and became especially pungent, and it was only when it started to affect MP’s that they though that maybe they should do something about it (which is probably another reason that super-senses-vampire Carlisle boosted to France as soon as possible). So he wouldn’t have been fighting vampires in sewage systems, but instead an alley, slums, or even along or near the Thames if you want to keep the sewage aspect. 

After being bitten, it would have been pretty difficult for Carlisle to drag himself into a potato cellar because he’d be crawling for quite some time. Potatoes didn't become a staple crop in society for quite a while. They were about and people ate them, but were largely seen as food for the lower classes in society, and there certainly wouldn't have been cellars filled with them.

Also just as a little end note, plague devastated London 5 years after he was turned so literally my favourite headcanon to give Carlisle is that he blamed the outbreak on himself. Yes, he may have went along with the miasmic theory that Plague was caused by bad air instead of his fathers ‘divine punishment’ theories, but there’s nothing like a good bit of puritan guilt am I right? seeing and maybe helping with the plague (masks and so many herbs stuffed inside them would have blocked the smell of blood) is also what I like to think made Carlisle want to go into medicine.

And there you have it. A (sort of) accurate version of Carlisle’s and Abraham’s life. and again, disclaimer, I am nowhere near an expert, so there might be inaccuracies and mistakes here. But basically, smeyer please. Google is free. 

[bobbystompy]

91 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2020

Below are my favorite quotes from 2020. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “You don’t have to be new to make new.” - Rick Rubin

2) “He put the beat on and go to sleep then wake up with a verse.” - The Lox

3) “Every opinion is bad.” - Blink-155

4)

(via Twitter)

5) “At the start of every disaster movie, there’s a scientist being ignored.”

6) “Be brave enough to suck at something new.”

7) “Comedy is the only job you can have where you can use everything you know” - Robin Williams via Dave Chappelle

8) “What’s the worst swear word where you live?” - Josiah Hughes

9) “Cookies are a really great way to get everybody to like you for a short period of time” - YSAC

10) “The worst dancer at a wedding is the one who’s not dancing.” - John Mulaney

11) “I never saw the end of the tunnel. I only saw myself running out of one." - Kobe Bryant

12) "A good movie begins as you're walking out of the theater" - Ethan Hawke

13) “When I was young and starting in cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart which is, 'The most personal is the most creative.’ That quote was from our great Martin Scorsese.” - Bong Joon-ho

14) “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow” - River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix

15) “Thank you -- I will drink until next morning.” - Bong Joon-ho

16) “Men will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat.” - @krauter_

17) “They help you with the dumb face stuff, but they don’t tell you how to fix it” - Adam (Nate’s friend), on having older sisters

18) “We all had our connections, but it’s not the details themselves that matter, it’s the feeling behind them. There are a million coming-of-age tales. Lady Bird’s secret sauce is how deeply its creator gave a shit. The older I get, the less I care about anything but the sense of a filmmaker’s personal connection to the material. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, what genre it is, or whether it’s genre at all. I only really care that it feels like something the filmmaker had to tell me, and that it was that filmmaker in particular who had to tell it. It has to answer the ‘why are you telling me this’ question, and not just why are you telling me, but why are you telling me.

Lady Bird is a movie that feels like only Greta Gerwig could’ve made. And it’s only because it’s so specific to her that it can be so meaningful to so many people.” - Vince Mancini

19) "I have cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns. But I do not feel lonely now.” - Bernie Sanders

20) “Ever hear a Beatles song you haven’t heard before?”

21) “Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” - Charles Bukowski

22) “You shouldn’t have to hear a band to know if they’re good or not” - Josiah Hughes

23) “I was raised by OGs.  Some of you were raised by IG.  I understand.” - Ice-T

* * *

[Here is where I note the line of demarcation that was the COVID-19 pandemic hitting the US, pushed forward by Tom Hanks’ announcement, the NBA and NCAA shutting down, and, then, the nation itself.]

* * *

24) “There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.” - Vladimir Lenin

25) "Taken together, this is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes. The president’s disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any president has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious." - Peter Wehner

26) "Epidemics have a way of revealing underlying truths about the societies they impact." - Anne Applebaum

27) “A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a ‘let’s circle back’ guy — who knew?” - Laura Norkin

28) 

(Jojo Rabbit)

29) “The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. - Deadwood: The Movie

30) “All bleeding stops eventually.” - Deadwood: The Movie

31) “Our Father, which art in heaven… / Let him fucking stay there” - Deadwood: The Movie

32) “It’s like a power outage, but we still have power” - Ryen Russillo, on the pandemic

33) “Whenever Sox baseball returns, it’ll be weird to not have Farmer on the call any more. The relationship between a fan and longtime announcer is always built in the little moments. One afternoon, he’s the soundtrack as you clean the garage. On another night, he’s your bookmark for the game as you stand in line for churros or walk down the ramps at Sox Park to try for better seats in the 100 level. A voice like Farmer’s becomes so familiar that you only really notice when it’s no longer there.” - Kevin Kaduk, on the passing of Ed Farmer

34) 

(via Twitter)

35) “In my songs, I try to look through someone else’s eyes, and I want to give the audience a feeling more than a message” - John Prine

36) “Observe everything. Admire nothing.” - Generation Kill

37) “Trump, by that definition, has always been a wartime president -- always willing to sacrifice people he doesn’t know to things he only sort of cares about” - David Roth

38) "Whenever they speak Michael Jordan, they should speak Scottie Pippen." - Michael Jordan

39) "Fiction is a bridge to the truth that journalism can't reach." - Hunter S. Thompson

40) “Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.” - Mike Dentale

41) “Sometimes you can be the worst source of your own story” - Ryen Russillo

42) “Family is not necessarily blood, but instead who you would bleed for.”

43)

(via Twitter)

44) "This is the deal that Jordan made, knowingly or unknowingly — that he would trade everything he had for everything he wanted. And then, when he won all those things, he found that he had nothing but that.” - David Roth

45) “I’m brand loyal, but the brand doesn’t matter” - Caitie Miller, on why she doesn’t like generic peanut butter

46) “NOBODY shitposts Gene Hackman!!” - Mark Dehlinger

47) “When a man concludes that any stick is good enough to beat his foe with—that is when he picks up a boomerang.” - G.K. Chesterton

48) “You can be appalled forever, but shocked only once.” - Jeff Weiss, on early Eminem

49) “Whether I’m pessimistic or optimistic, the fight’s the same” - David Simon

50) “Freedom can never be completely won, but it can be lost.” - Bernard Simon

51) “Racism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible — even if you’re choking on it — until you let the sun in. Then you see it’s everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands.” -Kareem Abdul Jabbar

52) “In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist -- we must be anti-racist.” - Angela Davis

53) “Start as close to the end as possible” - Kurt Vonnegut, on creative writing

54) “You can’t stay woke all the time — that’s insomnia.” - Dr. Cornel West

55) “No, I get it. I’ve dated a lot of Geminis.”

56) “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” - John Krakauer, Into The Wild (via Tyler Keller)

57) "I couldn't show them my For You because it's pretty much just lesbian stuff and depression memes" - Maggie Loesch, on showing TikTok to her coworkers

58) "It's 1 a.m. in Slovakia and I've already had one bottle of wine and I don't know how long this press conference will go, so good luck to me." - Marian Hossa, following his NHL Hall of Fame announcement

59) “All I want in life is to go on an Anguilla group trip” - Mandy Gilkes

60) “You miss old friends when you don’t see them, but you miss them more when you do.” - Chuck Klosterman

61) “The only way to appreciate the present is to pretend it’s already the past.” - Chuck Klosterman

62) Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

(”Everybody's Free [To Wear Sunscreen]”)

Second time that essay’s been quoted on this list.

64) "I mean, it's just human nature to suck up to the people above you, crap on those beneath you, and undercut your equals” - Brian, Family Guy

65) “You never quit a job. You quit a manager.” - Brian Bedford

66) “All the pictures in my house are of people I’m not friends with” - Tracy Cunningham

67) “In order to leave something behind, you have to leave.” - Dr. Herman, Grey’s Anatomy

68) 

(via Twitter)

69) “You can obsess about death if you don’t have to obsess about dying.” - Brendan Kelly via “White Noise”

70) “If it’s right to do, it’s wrong to wait.” - Andy, doorman 

71)

72) “When I'm sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, 'When there are nine,' people are shocked. But there'd been nine men, and nobody's ever raised a question about that.” - Ruth Bader Ginsburg

73) "America is mostly people who’ve never left their state saying we have the best country in the world." - Billy Wayne Davis

74) “A writer is someone who knows at least 80% of their writing sucks.” - Gabe Hudson

75) 

(via Twitter)

76) “You’re dead twice” - Brendan Kelly

77) “Perfect is the enemy of good” - Voltaire (via Zach Lowe)

78) “I don’t want to be a savior, I want to be a mirror.” - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

79) “I get bad Twitter FOMO but not real life FOMO. That just goes to show I need to get off the Internet.” - Josh Thomas

80) “Is there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?" - Sam Sutherland, on his relationship with Blink-182

81) “My favorite genre of music is my friends' bands" - Josiah Hughes

82) “Let’s fall in love like both our parents aren’t divorced.”

83) “Seabiscuit may be the only earthling that was on both sides of the stamp.” - Brendan Kelly

84) “There’s no shame in coming in second, except in, like, wars.” - Family Guy

85) “I feel like I experience writer’s block 100% of the time, and when I do write, I have impostor syndrome.” - Phoebe Bridgers

86) “We teach based on what we most need to learn.” - psychologist on Grey’s Anatomy

87) “Having too many choices is the leading cause of stress” - Grey’s Anatomy

88) “I think we've all gravely underestimated the extent to which this year has changed all of us, permanently” - Kelli Maria Korducki

89) 

(via Twitter)

90) “I wonder if people understand why they don’t have polio” - Sandra E. Garcia

91) “Ending songs is terrible, so let’s keep singing” - Dave Hernandez

[robbyrobinson]

OWL HOUSE X CTHULHU MYTHOS: GODS AWAKEN (Pt. XV 

The next day, Hexside opened its doors to begin the school day. Willow was once again at her locker and was withdrawing some of her class books. Gus walked down the hallway and casually glared at the other students. Seeing Willow, he galloped over to her.  

“Morning, Willow,” he said.

Willow smiled. “Good morning.”  

Before he could say anything further, Gus glanced around as if looking for something. “Hey, where’s Luz?” He looked over at the popular clique of girls. “Come to think of it, where’s Amity?”  

“I think it was Eda who got into contact with me about some kind of experiment the two were doing. She said that they would be gone for at least a day or two at worse.”  

Gus’ eyebrow raised in curiosity. “The two of them doing an experiment together?”  

Given how he knew about Amity having feelings for the human girl, one side of him couldn’t help but wonder if she was perhaps experimenting around with chemicals to create the ultimate love potion to give to Luz. He quickly shook that idea from his mind. Sure, one could not deny that Amity was head over heels for Luz, but she wasn’t the type of witch who would play with someone’s free will in that fashion. Even if it pained her for Luz to be seemingly ignorant of her feelings, it would equally pain her to force her to love her.  

Skara and the popular girls caught sight of the two and walked over to them. Typically, seeing the popular kids approaching the “misfits” of the school’s social system would otherwise be a bad omen (befitting the Social Darwinism of the world), but Willow and Gus greeted them with little anxiety.

“Hey, guys,” Skara said, “you guys doing good?”  

“Yes, we are,” Willow said, “we saw your performance on Penstagram last night, it was really good.”  

“Aw, thanks!” Skara proclaimed. “The girls and I were going to go camping out and we thought if you’d like to come?”  

Willow scratched her chin in deep thought. “I could use the occasion to better my talents.”  

It was a bizarre sight. At best, the popular clique of girls would voluntarily grace the two with quick glances, but now, they were having civil conversations with them. It started shortly after the Banshees won against Luz and her friends, but they were graceful enough to compliment Luz and Willow for their teamwork. They would have loved having them on their team too, but Boscha, as the team leader, quickly shut that down. But with the three-eyed girl having been missing for roughly a few weeks, that created enough of a schism that they ingratiated themselves with Luz and the others. With Boscha out of the picture, the girls revealed themselves as not sharing the same malice. One could say that they would be total sweethearts to the trio of misfits if Boscha did not exist.  

“So, you will come?” Skara asked.  

“I will keep it mind,” Willow replied, “but I appreciate the offer.”  

Principal Bump sat at his desk troubled. He tapped his bony fingers on his desk in an effort of figuring out what he could do. He had broken out in a cold sweat with the hairs on his arms and legs sticking up. Starting a few weeks ago, Bump could sense something amiss in the Boiling Isles. An indescribable, inhumane calamity was about to happen, but he was uncertain when it would come. He found himself gawking at the clock on the wall in a daze.  

“Calm down, old man,” he said to himself, “maybe in the few hundred years I may’ve misinterpreted the signs.”  

He picked himself out of his chair and opened the door to his office. Goggling around, things continued to appear to be of order at the school. Relieved, Principal Bump stepped out of the door and trudged down the hall. He ended up seeing the Abomination Teacher talking with another teacher.  

“Aw, Principal Bump! What is the occasion?”  

“Oh, nothing,” Principal Bump answered, “I was actually on my way to the library.”  

Principal Bump turned to leave. “You seem to have a lot on your mind.”  

Principal Bump chuckled and placed his hand behind the back of his head. “Oh, it’s just about this year’s curriculum is all.”  

The Abomination Teacher glared at him. “What about it?”  

Principal Bump staggered for answers. “Uh...something about the...lunch choices?” He picked up the pace without staring at the teacher again. “I’ll announce it later.”  

The Abomination Teacher shrugged and head his way down the opposite side of the hall. Principal Bump arrived in the library already seeing that a few students were there to study or conduct research. He advanced towards the chief librarian’s desk. The librarian was an aged turtle with glasses and chains to keep them from falling down.  

“Ah, Principal Bump,” she said, “what brings you here?”  

He had a stern look on his face. “I am sure that you know why I am here.”  

As she was a turtle, the reptile took longer time to digest the brevity of the situation and slowly pushed herself out of her chair. “Follow me.”  

Principal Bump groaned to himself, but he decided to follow the ancient beast anyway. The librarian wobbled on her short, stubby legs and clutched her cane to keep herself from falling on the ground. One instance, she fell on her back and remained in that defenseless state for a whole day. “Is your week going good?”  

“Oh, it is,” Principal Bump lied, “just that I feel that some horrible force of evil is going to arrive at any minute as we speak.”  

“Right, I completely understand,” the turtle replied, “steamed roots gives me gas.”  

The turtle neared a book case and paused for a moment. Her heavy beak opened and closed. The loose skin on her arm vibrated when she reached for one of the books. Her claws withdrew a book, and she slid it out between two other books.  

“Oh, would you look at that?” she asked “it’s the story of Otabin. Have you ever read it?”  

Principal Bump face palmed. “Yes, I have; 65 years ago.” He stomped his foot impatiently. “Please, just hurry.”  

“I’m going as far as I can,” she interjected.  

Once the book was removed from its shelf, the ground shook. The middle of the case descended to reveal a secret door behind it. The turtle librarian lifted her finger in the air and swirled it. Fire formed above her finger to which she cast it into the entrance. The fire was that of a living creature with a mind of its own. It danced in the darkness of the secret room and jumped onto a series of torches. It gracefully plopped itself over the tops of the torches and lit them.  

“Oh, I remember that it was lunch time,” the turtle librarian announced, “I’m going to head back; if you need anything, call me.”  

“I will, thank you kindly,” Principal Bump replied. “Having steamed cabbage again?”  

The librarian chuckled. “It either eats me or I eat it.”  

She turned around to reveal the faded colors on the back of her shell. Much like Bump, she was an old soul in the Boiling Isles. So old enough, in fact, the library was built over her. The library was her home; she was familiar with every scrap of information native to the demon realm but ironically was unfamiliar with what happened outside of her sanctuary.  

Principal Bump followed the lit torches down the hidden room. Cobwebs lined the wall and floors of the ancient halls. Taking a left, Principal Bump came upon a room containing ancient objects and artifacts. Spears and clubs. Torture devices such as ones designed to rip off fingernails or iron maidens. Even the bones of prehistoric anomalies alongside cases of animals forever asleep in jars filled with an entombing substance. Claws and teeth on shelves and basilisks and bowls meant to collect the contaminated blood of the victims of the basilisk’s deadly bite.  

“I see that the turtle didn’t tidy this place up in years,” Principal Bump noted.  

He skewered the room for the item of his inquiry. In the right side of the room was a desk made out of a petrified wood. Curious, he walked over and sat down on the chair. The splinters were poking into Principal Bump’s rear. He bit his tongue to keep from hissing. He sat there for a few seconds to allow the pain to fizzle out. Opening a drawer, Principal Bump allowed a slight smirk. He reached his hand into the drawer to obtain the object.  

It was a book of indescribable size. The cover of the book possessed a bumpy, leather texture of some unknown material. Principal Bump held it with both of his hands and took a deep breath. “The Necronomicon; I never thought in my lifetime that I would face this book again.”  

The Necronomicon; an ancient, dreaded piece of literature detailing information that no one – not mankind, or witch kind – should know. Information of the gods of old and where they once trekked and where they will once more. Spells of how to raise the dead and of essential salts. This book, baptized in a dark, malevolent evil, was one of a few copies of the original iteration of the book that was made thousands of years ago by the savior of the Boiling Isles when she sensed that Nyarlathotep could likely return to the Isles to bring it back to its days of chaos.  

He slipped the book into his cloak’s pocket and turned to leave the macabre room. He had feared the worst: the very idea that someone or something managed to find his copy of the Necronomicon and intend on using it for their own nefarious purposes unsettled him greatly. As far as he was concerned, he could have sworn that other copies of the decrepit texts were purged during the time of the Savage Ages. The hooded figure had appointed several disciples with taking copies of the Necronomicon and distributing them to the furthest regions of the Boiling Isles. Generation after generation, witches passed down the task of protecting a copy of the book and taught the next generation of the dark magic.

As Principal Bump traversed down the hall, the school day was about to begin. Once more, everything seemed to be running smoothly, but something about it was growing unsettling. Everything was going too perfectly. Principal Bump’s trudging ceased to a stop.  

Voom. Voom...voom..

A tremor shook the foundations of the school threatening to collapse. Cracks formed on the ceiling. Powdery balls sprinkled down accompanied by larger chunks of the ceiling caving in. Debris fell from the ceiling in the direction of some of the students.  

“Look out!” Principal Bump yelled.  

He swirled his finger and a green aura came out of his fingertip. Before the debris could fall on a group of students, he caught it with a shield made of the same aura. “Get out from under it before I lose grip of it!”  

The students obeyed and fled. With them gone, Principal Bump dropped the piece of the ceiling, shattering it on the floor. At first relieved, from the corner of his eye, series of cracks formed on the ceiling. He repeated the magical spell, temporarily using it as a glue to hold the ceiling for as long as his elderly body could muster.  

“Where did that quake come from?” Gus yelled.

“I have no idea,” Willow replied, “we may have to evacuate the school to avoid being buried alive.”  

A blast of magic blew the entrance of the school off its hinges. The figure was initially unrecognizable from the thick smoke, but some students could vaguely make out who it was.”  

“Hello, all! Your star has arrived!”  

That voice. That bossy, demanding, condescending voice. The type of voice that would pierce your brain and throw you through the wringer. The smoke clearing away only made it more evident who it was.  

“Boscha?” Skara announced. “Girl, where have you been?”  

Boscha staggered herself into the school with her crutches. “Yeah, it’s me.”  

She locked her three eyes on Willow. “Hello again, half-a-witch.”  

Unnerved by the deathly coldness of her words, Willow spoke up. “Now Boscha, I want you to know that I had no intention of breaking your leg.”  

Boscha held one of her crutches up and pointed it at her. “I don’t need any explanation from the likes of you.”  

Willow noticed someone standing beside Boscha, a man she did not recognize. A tall man, roughly around six feet, and short black hair and a finely groomed mustache. He wore a classy uniform comprised of a dark black color. He had a vastness to him, most assuredly originating from his eyes. He struck Willow as a man who was always inquisitive and knowledgeable. He held out his hand to the three-eyed girl.  

“Wait, dear protégé, remember what I told you.”  

Boscha glared at him. “But you promised me that you’d help me get revenge on Willow.”  

“There will come a time for that, I assure you, but may I remind you that we are here for one thing in particular?”  

Boscha sighed. “Fine.”  

Principal Bump took out a whistle and blew it. Within minutes, the guards arrived to detain the two. Principal Bump then ran in the opposite direction to avoid confrontation. The tall man chuckled in his monotonous tone and walked forward. He moved around gracefully like a swan his feet barely touching the ground. He hummed a tune to himself when the first guard made a grab at him. The man lifted his finger to the ceiling and without the guard having time to respond, he levitated the man and held him in the air for a few seconds.  

“I apologize for the abruptness of my arrival, but I have an important date with your principal, so...”  

He snapped his fingers and pitched the guard towards the lockers. The lockers shifted and contorted by the time the guard hit them. Instead of a hard metal, they were replaced with a clay-like substance. He sank deeper into the wet, squishy goo until only his chest and face stuck out. The man snapped his fingers again and returned the texture of the lockers to their metallic selves. The guard grunted and pulled but he was deeply wedged in the lockers.  

He continued his uninterrupted waltz down the halls casually lifting the guards into the air and smashing them together to make them unconscious. The tall man continued to chuckle in the likeness of a hyena whilst carelessly pummeling legions of guards and tossing them into a pile. Making his way down the hall, he turned to look at his apprentice.  

“Make sure that no one leaves until I have received what I wanted.” He could see that Principal Bump boarded himself in his office. “This could take a while.”  

Boscha nodded and held her crutch out to direct the students. She forces them to huddle in the halls and demands them to sit. “I have been gone for a long time, you know.”  

She eyed her classmates to see if they would respond. “I cannot even begin to think this is the same school; I have been away for a long time, but with my mentor’s help, I can bring the school back to its glory days.”  

She noticed her rival and walked over to her to get down on her level. “Don’t think that the moment he allows me to enact my revenge that I will go easy on you.”  

“What is it that you are suggesting, Boscha?” Willow asked. The half-witch spoke in a tone of utter defiance mixed in with annoyance. In some ways, she practically celebrated when she first heard that Boscha was missing. In fact, rumors had spread claiming that she was eaten by some monster. She knew it was too good to be true, but at the least she was having a field day of believing that she was free from her harassment.  

“Much like how Amity did a duel with round eyes at that convention, I want to challenge you to a witches duel,” Boscha explained, “the loser becomes the punching bag for the rest of their lives.”  

Willow rolled her eyes clearly not wanting to humor Boscha’s challenge. “If I win, will you not only leave me and my friends alone, but be forced to accept defeat?”  

Boscha snickered in her typical superior way. “It’s not like you’d win, but if you want to die slower, it is a fair idea.”  

Willow extended her hand so they could finalize the deal, but Boscha pulled out her purple scroll and browsed it. “My teacher always complained that I am rotting by brain by looking at my account, but his old butt doesn’t know a thing about how the Isles changed.”  

She looked through the posts. “How is Amity?”  

“She is with Luz now,” Willow mentioned passively, “they are doing...some odd experiment.”  

“What does that human trash have that I don’t?” Boscha asked. She did not really anticipate an answer as it was more of a rhetorical rambling on her part. “Amity had gotten soft because of hanging out with you losers.”

Willow shrugged. “I don’t know...maybe because Luz is nice to her?”  

Boscha ignored her response and paused on a picture. She brought the scroll down to Willow’s eye level. It was a picture of Skara and the others attending Cat’s birthday party. Willow, Luz, and Gus were there. “How in Titan’s name did you lame-os get invited anyway?”  

“Skara invited us,” Gus said.  

The three-eyed girls looked at Skara with scorn. “You’re friends with these losers now?”  

Skara shook her head. “They’re not losers, they’re pretty cool.”  

Skara took her bag and slipped out a flower that had a face similar to hers. “Willow made this for me.”  

Boscha grabbed the flower and set it on fire. “You are sacrificing your social life for this nonsense!?” She face palmed and took a deep breath. “What else happened while I was away?”  

Principal Bump cowered behind his desk but he also had a vase in his hand. He held it firmly between his hands. “I order you to leave the school at once!”  

The man chuckled from outside the door. “So you are expelling me, old man?”  

“I am warning you, if you don’t leave, I’ll...I’ll...”  

The tall, lanky man was already standing in the room.  

“Now, enough tomfoolery and let’s get to business.”  

He sat in a chair paralleled with Principal Bump’s desk and held his hands up in a dipping motion. He intertwined his fingers before placing his chin on top. He stared at Principal Bump in a mockingly affectionate expression. “It’s been...how many years now, Mr. Bump?”  

Mr. Bump did not say anything at first due to the dread causing his stomach to churn loudly. “What do you want, Nyarlathotep?”  

Nyarlathotep chuckled in his deep voice. “My dear man, you of all people should have known already that I would be back.”  

“If it is the Necronomicon you are seeking,” Principal Bump started, “I will have you know that the one page detailing the incantation to release your powers – page 217 – had been removed from every copy of the Necronomicon including the one that I was assigned with protecting.”  

Nyarlathotep leaned back in his chair, gripping his chest. “You wound me immeasurably, old boy. But I must be the bearer of bad news.” He seized Principal Bump’s mug and drank the hot contents inside of it before speaking again. “I am well aware that you are hiding a secret from me.”  

Principal Bump leaned forward. “Oh? Pray tell me what it is.”  

“Since my return, I have been studying up on a few archives of the Isles,” Nyarlathotep explained, “and I discovered a lovely little monster.”  

“I don’t like where this is going,” Principal Bump stated.  

Nyarlathotep grinned. “Precisely; I am sure you are familiar with Grometheus the Fear Bringer?”  

Principal Bump tensed up. That terrible, blob abomination that every year they had to elect a Grom Queen to fight against it. An entity that could masquerade as the worst fears of its victims with the threat of its release spelling devastation for the denizens of the Boiling Isles. Months back, Grometheus was already bested. For Nyarlathotep to threaten to unleash this unholy beast, Bump shook his head.  

“You can’t be serious?”  

Nyarlathotep kept his grin pasted on his face. “I am afraid, old boy, that I am not bluffing.”  

Principal Bump stammered. “But that beast could probably kill everyone on the Isles if you do such a thing.”  

He clasped his hands together in a praying motion. “Please, Crawling Chaos, do not; please do not harm any of the students.”  

Nyarlathotep gasped. “Oh, you worry your silly little head there, good sir; not one hair on their precious little heads will be disheveled.”  

Principal Bump sighed in relief.  

“As I am sure you can see, I am a fairly busy man,” Nyarlathotep explained, “we are both men in this scenario; I have been around making deals, biding time and drinking apple blood, the usual rendezvous.”  

He leaned in again to stare at Principal Bump. “We are both reasonable; let me cut to the chase: I know that you have some ally on the Earth realm, and I would hope that you’d enlighten me on their whereabouts?”  

“But I have made an oath years ago to protect the Necronomicon.”  

Nyarlathotep raised an eyebrow. “I will present you with two events: either Grometheus is free to stretch his legs again and ravage and sow endless nightmares on you and your students; or subsequently, there lies a world where I receive the information I desire and you and your students will be safe and they will further their education unharmed.”  

Principal Bump scratched his chin. “And I can trust you at your word?”  

Nyarlathotep nodded. “Of course; shall we shake on it?”  

Wary, Principal Bump extended his right hand and shook Nyarlathotep’s. Unbeknownst to him, Nyarlathotep had crossed the fingers of his other hand.  

Boscha waited impatiently for her master’s return. He walked out with his smile even wider than before. She trudged towards him with her crutches. “What is the plan?”  

“Once Miss Blight arrives with the Necronomicon containing the incantation for my powers, everything will change on the Isles.”  

Boscha smiled. “So you’re going to rule the Isles again?”  

Boscha’s smile dropped when she heard what her mentor said next.  

“No; this world had grown ungrateful of the sacrifices I had given for them in order for them to perform magic. This world will be wiped clean and from there shall come a blank slate. From there, I will create a group of people who will have no inclination of resistance for they will not know about the insolence of the old generation. They shall become my people and I will become their god.”  

Boscha almost fell backward. “But what about me?”  

Nyarlathotep pet her shoulder. “You will be by my side as my acolyte. We shall watch together as this world dies and is blown away like dust in the wind.”  

Boscha looked down to think. “But you promised me that I could get my revenge.”  

Nyarlathotep held his hand up. “You can still have it; this world’s destruction will be imminent, but I do love a good duel.”  

As they existed through the gaping hole that used to be the entrance, Nyarlathotep turned to face his protégé. “Did you keep the debris from falling?”  

“Well, thanks to some of the power you gave me, sure,” Boscha replied, “but would it be better to just have it fall?”  

“Boscha, Boscha, that would be wasting time that you could have preparing for your fight. But, please, do create a mirror field around the school. We wouldn’t want to have anyone potentially foiling our plans.”  

The three-eyed girl nodded and held her hands out. Glass began to form around the outer portion of Hexside. Before long, the glass completely encased the school. One of the students ran towards the entrance only to bounce off the glass. “We’re stuck!”  

Nyarlathotep chuckled. “That is how it felt to be trapped in glass for thousands of years; it gives you such displeasure.”  

Boscha looked at the school. “Why this?”  

“Much like observing a mouse in a vivarium to study, the students and faculty will be trapped, desperately searching for a way out of their maze, but all points lead to a dead end.”  

With that, the two made a leave for Belos’ empire.

[halberdierminister]

I have been here for an entire year.

Within one week straddling late March and early April 2019, I found out that I got passed over for the dream job I was certain I had in the bag, that the writing I submitted to Steam Ticket wasn't going to get published, and the job I had been doing for nearly two years and had seriously begun to loathe was firing me.

I did not recover from this smoothly.

Instead, I didn't find a new job, and months of being short on rent and bills caught up with me very quickly, and I was threatened with eviction. Luckily, a few of my friends were willing to help me with bills so that I did not get evicted, and another friend was willing to let me stay at her house once I had to leave the apartment until I had somewhere else to move to.

That move would be to my parents' new house outside of Sauk City, Wisconsin. They offered to let me stay with them on a few conditions. These conditions are here reproduced without any editing: You will daily look for a job Maintain a first shift sleep-wake schedule No video games No gaming equipment No anime or comics No occult books No hard rock music If friends come to visit, you will remain chaste in our home. We expect your help as we settle in, and that may vary as to tasks You will keep your room clean So over the course of the move, I sold my PS2 and my N64 and gave away my PS4 and my Xbox 360, though I kept the hard drive. I tried to sell my Gamecube, but it wasn't in good enough shape for anyone to buy. I kept my Nintendo Switch, my New 3DS XL, and my PS Vita, figuring I could keep those hidden enough as handhelds. My PSTV I had lent to a friend months previously. I also sold nearly all of my physical video games, my soundbar and my television set.

On June 19th, 2019, with the help of the friend who had housed me and now owned my old PS4, I moved from La Crosse, Wisconsin -- the city I had lived in on and off since 2008 and permanently since 2014 -- to my parents' house. On the way, we stopped in Madison, Wisconsin so I could rent a storage unit. In there I put a bunch of stuff I wouldn't need at my parents' house, including almost everything that they would have objected to. In went my Magic the Gathering cards. In went my anime wall scrolls. In went my comics and manga and Gamecube and remaining physical console games and books like "The Ethical Slut" and "Werewolf: The Apocalypse" and "Things Not Seen" which isn't even about magic or the paranormal but my mom still decided to steal it from my room once many years ago and hide it in the tool shed with my Harry Potter books and Bionicle trading cards. I also felt I should keep my Legos and stuffed animals in there too. But it wouldn't be long before I could find a full time job, get my own place, and get these things back where they belong. Except I have been here for an entire year. I was never supposed to be here this long! I really wasn't! I worked a hell of a lot. Daily looked for jobs. Even found a few. Overworked myself just about to the point of breaking. But just as I finally got a full time with benefits that would help me build a groundwork for the future… well, people realized that there was a global pandemic going on and shut down stores. My company laid off everyone who had been there 90 days or less. And I mean completely laid off with absolutely no promise of a return. My boss said that if they manage to get to a place where they could hire new people again, they would love to have me back. But she also said that she doubts that they will be in that position any time in the foreseeable future.

So.

I am still here. Which is not to say that it has been a complete wash. After all, as devastating as it was to lose my job, I cannot imagine how much more devastating it would have been if I had been living on my own and had to worry about rent or food. It really is too easy to dwell on the feeling of failure that comes from realizing I have been here for an entire year. I suppose I had better take stock of all the good things that have happened and that I have accomplished since I moved in. 1. I finished my writing portfolio, a project I started for a class in 2013 and had been absentmindedly poking at since then.

2. I rebuilt my entire resume from the ground up. 3. I read a total of 54 books in 2019. Not bad for only having read 2 the year before. 4. I started volunteering at the Sauk City Public Library, which has been fun and fulfilling. 5. I have been hired at Target, Madison College, PrePlayed and Half Price Books. I even managed to work several weeks between 40 hours and 65 hours, something I didn't think I was capable of. I may not have those jobs anymore, but being hired four times in a year is nothing to sneeze at. 6. Except I haven't been hired four times. I have been hired five times. The library was so impressed with my volunteering that when a position for Library Assistant opened up, they asked me specifically if I wanted it. Though I originally turned them down in order to work at Half Price Books, I was pleased to find that it was still open once I had lost my job and once libraries were re-opened for curbside checkout. So I asked and they hired me. It's only part time, but it is far better than nothing. 7. I have read a total of 66 books this year and we are not even at the halfway point. 8. I have finished writing two long-form fics: the poem fic The Revelation of Takaya According to Jin and the literal actual novel A Legitimate Businessman. In fact, at least 30,000 of the words for A Legitimate Businessman were written since I moved in here. That's some pretty hardcore proof that I can actually write an actual novel, something I assumed I just did not have in me. 9. I have paid off thousands of dollars in debt. All that remains is two friends and my student loans. I do not expect to pay off my student loans. 10. Through working at PrePlayed, I acquired for free two PS2s, an Xbox 360, one or two more Xbox 360 hard drives, and a Wii, which I gave to a friend. I have acquired at low cost two wireless guitar controllers for Rock Band, a PS3, and all the controllers and cables I needed to make these and my gamecube work again. I also got a bunch of games and a Gameboy Micro. On Black Friday, I purchased a steeply discounted new PS4 Slim. All of these now reside in my storage locker, except for the Gameboy Micro and the PS4, which are hidden in my room alongside my handheld systems. My hubris may be showing, but so far I have not been hit with a consequence. 11. I bought myself a new ukulele as an upgrade from the one I bought in 2011. It has a built in tuner, a neck strap, and a jack to plug into an amp. 12. I am now paying my own cell phone bill, which I have done reliably for an entire year alongside my storage locker bill. 13. I have gotten three works published this year so far and may still yet have a few on the way. 14. I've made more through Redbubble in the last year than I ever have before. In the process, I have learned a lot more about graphic design. 15. I may not be writing every day, but I am writing MOST days, something that was certainly unthinkable even last year, let alone two years ago. So. There still is lots of work to do. I still need a full time job. I will likely need to rebuild my entire resume from the ground up AGAIN. I still want out of this place. I still need a way to be authentically me. But my parents have been supportive and caring, even with their restrictive rules. And the environment has probably been less restrictive than I imagined it would be. But there's so much I still want to do and so many things I still want to be that I do not feel I can do or be here. In exactly three months, I will turn 30. I truly, truly, truly hope by that time I will have a concrete plan to get out of here. But I guess I have still done a lot.

[jayjay879]

What’s up with the way The Royal Heir portrays Texas?

I’ve been on hiatus for work and just caught up through Chapter 10. I grew up in a small town here and have lived all over the state — in some of the biggest cities and in rural areas. @playchoices has gotten most of it wrong... (This little calf though is so damn cute!)

Keep in mind that Texas has over 65 cities with at least 50,000 people in them. There are plenty of rural towns, but they’re usually in between those cities and/or around one of the big 4 metro areas (DFW, Houston, San Antonio, and Austin.) Texans do work hard and have jobs in almost every industry — yes, there’s ranching and agriculture, but also oil, tech, healthcare, retail, etc.

We also like to kick back and relax at festivals, breweries, wineries, biergartens, the coast, one of the rivers or lakes, football / basketball / baseball / soccer / hockey games, races, amusement parks, water parks, museums, zoos, aquariums, city parks and state parks, the hill country, etc. We like all types of food and celebrations from all different cultures because we’re people from all different types of backgrounds. (Did you know there’s more Asians in Texas than there are people in Delaware?) Don’t let a select few public figures fool you on what it’s like here. And even in smaller areas, we use more modern tech than people give us credit for.

Don’t get me wrong: our state has plenty of things wrong with it. The bad things that make headlines are generally not something we’re proud of or really agree with (especially the younger generations.) But a majority of the 29ish million people here are good-hearted and treat each other like neighbors.

But going back to the story, if we’re talking about strictly rural areas, here’s the big misconceptions I’ve seen:

- There really aren’t that many fairs in small towns or big cities. They don't serve a purpose for cattle. Small towns have stockyards that have bidding every few weeks. Texas has way more festivals and what we call picnics (they’re more like carnivals) — even in towns with less than 1,000 people. At these events, you see more BBQ cook offs, car shows, dancing, and games.

- We have the State Fair in Dallas (https://bigtex.com/) and some rodeos throughout the year. They have some events like a stockyard, bull riding, and mutton busting (where kids ride sheep.) But many people watch those events as a precursor to the concerts (https://www.sarodeo.com/.)

- The biggest ranches in Texas — that can drive a substantial profit from ranching — are hundreds of thousands of acres and are run like (or managed by) corporations. Many of the ranches the size of the Walker Ranch are run as side jobs because cattle are expensive to raise and can’t be relied on for consistent income. Our family had seven one hundred-acre plots of land when I was growing up that was shared with my extended family. The work was few and far between — mostly helping build or mend fences which was a pain in the Texas heat. Many of the people who made a living in ranching took care of other people’s cattle because there wasn’t much to do on their own land, or people just loaned out their land to others who needed a place to put their cattle in order to keep their agriculture or livestock exemption for their land until they need to use it again. Otherwise, it takes years to get the ag exemption back.

- The reason the Walkers aren’t doing well financially is probably because of their outdated ranching practices (think several decades outdated.) We use ranch trucks or 4-wheelers when dealing with cattle in the pasture. The trucks are even registered differently with the state (you’ll usually see “Farm Truck” on the license plate.) It makes it easier to bring tools out with you and to keep the cattle rounded up if we need for them to be. When it’s time to sell cattle, we use trailers.

- Horses are even more expensive to maintain and need a lot of care, so they’re used more for recreational horseback riding. And most people that use them for that pay to have them held at a stable or equestrian center, cared for by the people that run those facilities, and end up riding or training their horses there. The ones that keep them and care for them on their own land really don’t use them for cattle — much less to herd cattle to a stockyard. It would exhaust the horses, block off entire roads, and take way too much time compared to driving.

- The people who were helping the Walkers who then bailed usually wouldn’t be seen often in small towns here. Reputation is everything, so if word gets out that you can’t be relied on, you probably won’t be hired elsewhere. Plus, many that help on the land are part of the family or good family friends that have known you for years. If a ranch can’t competitively pay the people, the ranch owners usually talk to them in advance as a way to say “We know you have to provide for your family,” and “We understand / no hard feelings if you can’t.” It’s also usually also temporary. The reputation thing goes both ways, so ideally those owners do (at least from what I’ve seen) treat their people well.

- People don’t really camp on their land in Texas. They go to state parks because we don’t have many forests (outside of said state parks.) Most rural areas have pastures and most people who own land like that have camp houses (which are like bigger cabins for hunting season.)

- Bears aren’t what cause issues here. We do have some black bears, but they’re rarely seen — they don’t really approach people. Hogs are more dangerous. They can be up to three feet tall and 400 pounds (https://tpwd.texas.gov/huntwild/wild/nuisance/feral_hogs/). They’re what parents warn their kids about if they’re in the country at night. They can mess you up if they charge at you and can total a car. A toll road put in from Austin to San Antonio — which was built without true knowledge of the area — didn’t account for barriers to keep hogs off the road. It’s led to crazy accidents in the area like this one: https://www.kxan.com/news/local/austin/update-hogs-on-sh-130-cause-18-wheeler-rollover-crash-thursday/. Other things that people have to watch out for when they’re in the country on foot are wild cats — like mountain lions or bobcats (http://texasnativecats.org/cats-of-texas/) and snakes. I may be missing some of the wildlife though...

- Did they mention a salmon from their fishing trip? I may have misread that, but I thought it said Liam threw one for the bear to chase. We don’t have salmon here: https://tpwd.texas.gov/landwater/water/aquaticspecies/inland.phtml. Liam must have picked one up from H-E-B. We also fish more at the coast or lakes than rivers. We use rivers for tubing: https://www.wideopencountry.com/tubing-in-texas/

- It was thoughtful for Maxwell to give his brother a motorbike, but the tires would likely not survive offroad terrain in Texas between soft ground due (like clay and expansive soil) in the Eastern part of the state, rocks in the Western part of the state, and thorns in underbrush (like huisache) that will mess up tires. That’s why we use 4-wheelers and trucks for offroading — their tires can handle more. We still use motorbikes and dirt bikes, but usually on roads or dirt courses.

- Cowboy hats really aren’t always great for working outside. It’s too damn hot here. We always did baseball caps because they breathe better and the sweat doesn’t get trapped. Most people where cowboy hats to special events — whether they’re from smaller towns or from the city and don’t really work outside. Smaller town people use them for things like weddings and town festivals, wearing a nicer button down and slacks or nice jeans. Both small town people and city people use them for festivals with a sleeveless top or loose button down and shorts. Both usually wear boots too for those occasions.

- Maxwell is going to die if he wears that that puffy jacket — the heat index can get high during the day here. Liam’s outfit looks more like what accordion players wear to festivals. Drake’s looks more on par, but he could use some color. Blue and red plaid — like our state flag — are much more common. Bertrand looks like an old time oil tycoon. Riley’s hat looks like it’s going to slip off the back of her head because it’s so big. Hana’s looks the most on point, but most people don’t bear their mid drift unless they’re at a festival. It’ll leave you with some major sun burns and weird tan lines. Plus loose shirts stay cooler in the heat, keep mosquitoes at bay, and block direct sun.

I really want to finish this game out, but I think I was expecting more of a royal take on the royal heir storyline. Plus these weird takes on what they think life is like in Texas...

[kakuriyo-translations]

Chapter 3: The Young Master Nine Tails Fox

Chapter 3: The Young Master Nine Tails Fox

65. Ginji the nine-tailed fox said the owner of Tenjinya hires Ayakashi who all have their own job respectively with executive like titles. Master Ogre God. The Young Master Nine Tails Fox. Front Desk Spider. The First Hostess. Young Snow Woman Hostess. Front desk manager. Kitchen Daruma. Old Kappa and the bath care takers. Itachi that manage the gardens and Tanuki that take care of slippers. It's possible there could be other executive positions but these are the only ones I've heard of.

66. I bothered them, in spite of this I still had to get a job. “I don’t want a human girl like you working here.” I had talked to O-Ryo, a snow woman with light blue hair that was cut into a short bob. O-Ryo could be described as a glossy beauty with a glamorous body. However there is a sense that her chest could be missing something. She is the top hostess, making her the young-hostess. The three faceless sisters and the young-hostess had lead me to a room of some sort. O-Ryo looks at her self in a large mirror as she applies some makeup. She stares at me through the mirror, finally she breathes in and takes a big breath out. “Anyway, a poor and smelly human girl like you is a bride candidate for the Master? I can’t believe your looks could satisfy him very much.”

“What?” O-Ryo-san had remarked coolly. I don’t care about satisfying that Ogre, not at all. O-Ryo continued to apply powder to her cheeks.

67. “Let me tell you something, the Master would not want you, Shiro’s granddaughter in a high position. Anyway, I don’t think he’d want a dull figured, unattractive person like you to be his wife. I will not forgive you for acting so impertinent here. Being taken in so generously by the Master and trampling his kindness.”

“What? I was brought here without my consent.” This was a pure abduction. That much was clear. However O-Ryo-san’s reaction was like everyone else’s.

“That can’t be helped, after all Shiro-san had a large debt to this inn. It’s a relatives duty to take on that debt, is it not?”

“That’s..”

“But why is it that Shiro-san seemed to leave it to a poor person like you. Shiro-san was a wonderful person but seemed caught up in a few affairs. Anyway, I will stay devoted to the Master.” Whilst she continues to dye her cheeks O-Ryo-san suddenly goes into work mode. I could see her blue eyes shine through the reflection of the mirror as she stared into the vanity. “Good thing about being a hostess here is that you must always look pretty or else you’ll get complaints. So you’ll be getting complaints from customers. If a complaint comes in, you have to go apologise. Since you are such an ugly human girl you wouldn’t want to go apologise or else you may end up somewhere unexpected.”

68. The things she said, are so horrible, they made me tremble almost fearfully. I was driven out of the room into the cool corridor. There were lots of Ayakashi in the hall way all staring at me as they start whispering to each other, rumours I’m sure. Bad ones probably. Everyone here must be an enemy. The surrounding gazes sting, I felt awkward, I was afraid. No matter where I go everyone hated me. However, the three faceless sisters approached me. “Are you alright?”

“Hey, am I really such an ugly woman?” I said with anger hinting at my voice as I inquired about such a vivacious thing.

“No no! The granddaughter of Shiro-san is absolutely beautiful!” Said the smallest sister in a panic.

“It’s true! O-Ryo is just a little irritated as she thinks of herself as the Master’s mistress.”

“Now Plum.” Bamboo whacks her little sister across the head.

“Eh? She’s the Master’s Mistress?”

“Oh Aoi-san, O-Ryo says such things without permission, in any case it’s false. I don’t like it when she says those things very much, but do you?”

69. “No, I don’t mind at all.” I said in a serious tone but the three sisters still continue to panic. The Eldest daughter of the three coughs, then continues. “But Aoi. You are very beautiful, but since you’re from the Apparent Realm there’s a looming sense of incapability.”

“The Apparent Realm?”

I had picked at my thin light blue dress that I was wearing. Although it was ruined yesterday from when I was wearing it, this morning it was placed at the bottom of my room completely dry and clean. Well, having such a floaty dress isn’t of much use anymore. But, this type of dress was the number one trend during spring. I’d like to say I was quite fashionable and cheery at University, but in the world of Ayakashi such a cheerful trend is non-existent and useless.

Next, I had peered into the bathhouses. Tenjinya in the north eastern land of Hiduyo is built on a famous hot spring resort named Onikomi Onsen. Because of that the bathhouses are divided into indoor and outside baths, the springs flowed luxuriously.

70. The hot springs here are supposed to be effective for skin and scars. The men’s baths were managed by the old kappa’s whilst the women’s were taken care of by the wet girls. Ladies are forbidden to work in the men’s bathrooms. I wanted to become one of the bath care takers, so I decided to ask quietly if I could work here. Shizuna had long black hair, she rolled up her kimono with her long slender arms as he continued to polish the floors. The atmosphere in the bathhouse felt as if it was raining. Long black hair covered her face, so it was impossible to read her expression. I could hardly even see her eyes through the gaps of her hair, although she seems very cute. As I approached I could feel my skin going paler and paler. “Hello?” I said with shivering cold sweats.

“Oh, it’s you. I’m sorry I’m sorry but I have been told from the First Hostess not to hire you.”

”Eh?”

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” Scared of waiting for my words she apologizes quickly.

71. The mop she was holding in her hands seemed very shaky. It seems as if I’m not fortunate enough to be able to work here either, I nod and decide to leave. I step out beyond the door frames of the bathroom and into the corridor. “What do I do now?” I asked the three sisters waiting in the hallways. The three sisters said they were already aware of what Shizuna’s answer was.

“Shizuna is a very hard working person and quite a gentle girl, but what she did was cowardly.”

“Yes, but since the bath house is under the control of the First Hostess, her order is final and absolute.”

“It is said that the First hostess in particular is keeping a close eye on the Master’s fiancé as her position could be at stake.” I give a long sigh after hearing Bamboo’s words. I thought that the Young Hostess was bad but it seems the First Hostess is probably the real threat. I wonder to what extent she’ll take such a thing.

72. I decided to go into the garden. There is a wide garden around Tenjinya’s main hall, it’s rather large. After spring a lot of cherry blossom trees fill the garden, the petals that had fallen onto a path where you could take a walk. There are so many flowers blooming. Koi fish swam elegantly in the pond below, swimming swiftly into the stream and across the bridge. For a small moment a strong gust of wind blew up my dress. The path was no longer filled with cherry blossoms like it was a while ago.

“What just happened?”

“The gardens are patrolled by the kaminari they almost never show up during the day as they’re as fast as wind. They clean up the gardens as well. In the evenings they watch the inn and the garden, they start their work immediately.” It sounds amazing, almost ninja like.

“Is it impossible to talk to them?”

“It’s impossible for me not to talk to you!”

“Ha ha ha.” I looked around the garden looking for a Kaminari, but the garden is still lonely, I cannot even find one. But when I think about it, a job like this would require considerable fighting power. A power that I do not have and would be reckless to pursue, besides, they didn’t need any power from someone like me.

73. It’s depressing, the only place where I could possibly work is the front desk, which is already occupied by that spider. Just thinking about his stupid face annoyed me, in fact, he had annoyed me since I first met him. He hated me as much I hated him. Of course, he would not let me work at the reception! “Is working in the kitchen really that difficult?”

“Oh no! Let’s not go to the kitchens, ladies are forbidden from working in there. Besides, the head Daruma is already a magnificent cook, but his dishes are very old and traditional. Customers who complain about the taste and style of his cooking at Tenjinya normally aren’t allowed to stay at this Inn ever again however.”

“Eh? So he’s protecting his traditions? How chivalrous.” My Grandpa has taken me to many inns and I only know a few that continued to stick to traditions with such a resolute attitude. However, it’s not a bad thing so to say. Pine seemed to think it was quite sad.

“Okamiya cuisine is one of the highlights at Tenjinya, but when a dishes taste does not change for hundreds of years it seems to become boring and awkward to continue to eat it.”

74. “Yes yes, different dishes are always coming in and out of this world. So when Tenjinya’s dishes remain unchanged and still taste the same people start to acquire a bad sense for the food. There have always been customers that don’t enjoy the food however.”

“Plum!” Bamboo shoves her sister.

“Since we don’t have mouths, I don’t think it was necessary to say such things Plum, nor did you have to push her Bamboo.” The three sisters who have no faces at all and no expressions, I’m starting to see their personalities. “I haven’t eaten that type of cuisine before! So, I’d be interested in trying it.” All of a sudden, I’ve become interested in cooking here at Tenjinya and in their cuisine.

“If you became the Master’s bride you would be able to eat any food that you want!” Pine casually mentions me becoming the Master’s bride. That reminds me, these three girls are indeed hostesses under the Master. “I adamantly refuse.” I raised my shoulders in disagreement.

The three sisters gathered in a circle and complained, “Wow.”

“Well if that’s the case, the only place for you is probably the front desk.” The Tsuchigomo which is one of the front desk managers is named Akatsuki, so one of the three sisters tells me of course. When I said I wanted to work, I didn’t imagine it’d be this hard.

“Akatsuki would absolutely never let Aoi-san work there.”

“I understand that somehow but, I just want to find work, somehow.”

“Aoi-san, what a surprise!”

75. That shady looking front desk manager. “Oi!” I raise my shoulders and turn around to look at the owner of that angry voice. I see a haori crest with a circle drawn representing heaven on it and a coat with an expensive appearance. Along with a figure of a very tall man. That red-bean coloured hair is somewhat amazing as it gradually gets redder and redder. It seemed like he had a bad complexion on his face. For some reason I could tell that this was indeed the face of that spider, I was convinced that it was. “What are you doing here human? The customers will be here soon and you’ll only get in the way you idiotic girl.”

“Uhhh…. Aka-”

“Do not try and address me by my name! Do not speak to me.” Before I even had the chance to call out his name, he started to yell. There were many Ayakashi at the reception area, the Tanuki are already taking care of the slippers whilst the room hostesses are also there. They all watch on at the sight of the Tsuchigomo yelling at me. Among them was the young hostess who gently pokes her tongue out at me. I thought she was frustrating, but as I stand here I face the Tsuchigomo in front of me with all my might. “It seems that the Master is letting you return Shiro’s debt by working, however you’re merely a human girl. Tenjinya has no benefits in employing a filthy girl like you!”

76. “Well, I won’t know if I don’t try will I?!” Despite that Tsuchigomo trying to pressure me, I responded with anger in my voice. “What are you on about? No one here is willing to accept you! There’s already proof of that! Give up and just leave this place. Your face really reminds me of Shiro’s, cocky and annoying. I hate it.”

“Well then, I think you should be complaining about that face that you were born with!”

“Ehh? Shout your mouth! You dare stand in front of me and speak like that. I will eat you to your bones Granddaughter of Shiro.” I was standing still trying to keep my nice composure but my anger was threatening to pour down like rain to some extent. I have myself to blame for holding back, but I’m afraid that if I let out these emotions they’ll be smothered into fine particles of dust, taken away by the wind. “Oh Akatsuki could you please stop. Aoi-san is the Master’s fiancé after all.”

“Fine, I won’t eat her.” Pine, Bamboo and Plum immediately stand in a straight line but the Spider remains his ground. “What is that awful and annoying sound?”

77. The sound could be heard resonating throughout the Inn, multiple employees gathered. Eventually the Tsuchigomo said, “Be patient.” As he stretched out into  the form of the spider as the air remained tense. Long legs surrounded me. For some reason my body seemed to get stronger. Cold sweat dripped down my face. “Welcome.” But the air seemed to remain pleasant for the Ayakashi as they had started to form a cheery line. Thanks to that the spider seemed to release the tenseness of the situation as it’s spine stretched out and he went back to normal. He hurried over back to the reception desk finally leaving me alone. “Hello, you’re the first customers of the day, so I’ll be checking you in. I’m serving as the Front Desk Manager for you. I’m Akatsuki of the Tsuchigomo, if there is a problem please feel free to ask me about it! Well, here is your room key, please enjoy.” It was if he was almost a different person as he shines a bright smile at the first customers of the day as he offered his assistance. The first customers of the day were a cat like old couple who had been idly walking around. I continue to watch the spider work as he acts like an entirely different person.

78. “Akatsuki is very hard working as the front desk manager, the Master has the most confidence in him more than anyone. It seems like he loves working at Tenjinya more than anything else.”

“Wow, his resentment of Shiro-sama and distrust of humans beings seems to be very strong.”

“This place is thriving now.” The three sisters sighed as they held their cheeks. It felt as if I was lost in this Inn during the time I was just idly watching that Spider work. “Oi, human.” A small demon who was probably as tall as my waist was standing by my side. He handed me my bag which was in the room I had stayed in yesterday. That room was originally a luxury suite, the three sisters informed me that I was most likely not considered a guest anymore and thus it was no longer my room. It seems that they had to resume their usual jobs, they lowered their heads towards me as they left. Of course the Inn has already opened for business so the Ayakashi employees will be busy. Right now I don’t have time to think about work. I wonder where I could possibly stay in this Inn? I walk over to an unpopular place in the main building.

79. The path was long straight and dark, being on the other side from the front. I came over here to escape but many of the rooms down here are ones Tenjinya are not in using, it’s like a connected passage. What’s creepy is the amount of white arrows that have been decorated all over the wall. I don’t know where these arrows will take me, but I unconsciously decided to follow them. I feel so miserable, I never thought that I’d be so hated here and that I would not be needed. Whether I’m competent enough to work or not, it’s painful being turned down after trying so hard. I can already see that Ogre’s hateful eyes as he smiles triumphantly. It was impossible to return the debt. That Ogre’s eyes. I remember he eventually said that I would become an Ogre’s bride if the debt did not disappear. Now that I think about it, if I had married the Ogre with no debt involved it would have been a nice story possibly. As I thought about such a weak idea I continued to wander down the dark corridor feeling depressed. At the end of the corridor was a sliding door with light leaking out of a dimly lit gap, all the white arrows seemed to point to this. I opened the door without having any difficulties.

80. The scent of blooming flowers were coming from behind the sliding door. “Wow, a courtyard.” The courtyard seems very quiet, a wooden corridor with a roof over the top continues through it and into the gardens. This all seems very interesting. Eventually I pass over the bridge and on to the stone bedding. A stone path then continued. I was able to admire the entirety of the courtyard whilst I walked through. Pine trees, blue autumn leaves, gravel rocks all arranged with precision. I felt at peace in this area. It is an atmospheric courtyard, but it’s also very quiet too, but not scary quiet. “A Willow tree?” As I continued to walk down the path I could see a large weeping willow tree that stood idle in the open space. The swaying branches instil a sense of silence and makes it feel as if time itself has stopped. The branches movements were reminiscent of that of a ghost’s, but that type of atmosphere seemed perfect for an Inn. At the bottom of the willow tree stood a building, the roof reminded me of a private home. It was small, but still splendid none of the less. It was different from the style of the main building, but it felt somewhat lonely. The atmosphere in this place felt very nostalgic. I thought that perhaps it could be a shop, but there was no sign to indicate that. However, there was a single door open.

81. As I peered in, no one was in sight and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I thought it might have been a store room, but it seems as if that’s not the case, there’s a counter top like the one you would see at a bar. “Well, this is alright. Everything inside the Inn is really fancy and everyone hates me. Finding a job seems to become more of an obstacle by the second, I guess I’ll stay here for a while.” I placed down my luggage in the far corner then sat down at the counter, I immediately become hungry. Yesterday I had only had a late-night snack and I have not eaten anything today. I wish there was some sort of store around here, there’s nothing to eat here. Even if there was one however I have no money. I’m so hungry, and when I become aware of the fact, it makes me shudder. Hunger is a terrible, terrible pain for me. “Huh, Aoi-san? I didn’t know you were here.” Suddenly a voice caught my attention from the counter. It was a young man with silver hair and a refreshing appearance. He wore a haori coat that made it seem like he worked at this place. “Who are you?” I asked.

82. “Who is it? Well, it’s me! Ginji.”

“Ehh? Really?” Ginji is the nine tailed fox that brought a late snack to my room last night. If you look closely you can see fox ears and a tail. He had a gentle look with a smile on his face, the appearance of an Ayakashi. Ginji-san smiled and clapped his hands together. “Oh, that’s right. You told me that appearance of a child and woman were just two of your forms.”

“Yes, this is my normal form.” Ginji-san seemed surprised to see the interesting state I was in.

“Where is this exactly?”

“Well, this place is in quite a remote location so it’s hard to find.”

“Ah I see, well this is the only place I could go, I have nowhere else.” I rested my elbow on the counter. Ginji-san wiggles his fox ears quickly as he tries to think of something to say.

“Ahhhh.”

“Hey, what is this place?”

“Ha, ha, well, I guess you could say it’s like an Ogre being inside a demon?”

“Here? Ogre in the demon?” When I had inquired Ginji-san about the matter, he responded in such a strange way. It seems he may have been troubled by it.

83. “Well it once was a tea house that had a very good reputation for Ayakashi who enjoyed the taste. But, the one who was running the tea house eventually left this inn and it was closed.”

“Well, there’s a tea room.”

“Yes, but after the tea house it was a brisk struggle and no matter what was put here it always failed. I made it into a souvenirs shop and into a gaming hall but none of them succeeded. Even if I try my best to take care of this place, it always fails. I was told I was an inviting looking fox, but as you can see it’s very lonesome.”

“Being an inviting looking fox is a good thing!”

“As it’s in such a place, customers have trouble finding it and employees come across it by accident.” Ginji-san who looked extremely sad placed the basket he was holding on to a table.

“When I had started this month, up until a few days ago this with a small restaurant, but the cook who I had employed from the outside injured his arm. So I was looking for an alternative chef. Again, a lot of people think this place is no good. So it’s set to be demolished next month.”

“Is that so? I guess something must be wrong then.”

“Yes, but there are still left over ingredients in the freezer that I have to clean up.”

84. “There’s refrigerators in this world?”

“Would you like to see it?” Ginji-san beckoned me behind the counter. There was a wooden refrigerator. It seems that the shape was copied from the other world and was arranged into something new. Looking into the refrigerator there was a space covered in thin ice and film.

“This ice is regularly purchased from a Snow Woman in town from a long established ice shop.”

“Ayakashi are quite qualified.”

“Yes, most Ayakashi here make use of their abilities and go into a business of some sort. This is different from ordinary ice, the water the Snow Woman uses is able to adjust its temperature, so it doesn’t easily melt.”

“Ehhh? That sounds funny.” The fridge is properly divided into a freezer and refrigerator, the coldness of the ice seems to vary. It felt very smooth. It was really cool to know there was a functional refrigerator here, however I was concerned about the ingredients inside. There were unusual looking Chinese cabbages and radishes along with burdock eggs and some mushrooms. There were also two pieces of meat in the freezer.

“What is this meat? At a glance it looks like chicken and pork.”

“It is chicken and pork. Mainstream meat is available even here in the Hidden Realm, although, I can’t serve it to customers anymore, but I don’t want to throw it out. I was thinking I should unfreeze it and cook it for my lunch.”

85. “Ahahaha, I see, that sounds very important.” I looked at the contents of the basket Ginji-san had set down. Carrot, potatoes that haven’t been peeled yet, eggplants, onion and more.

“What shall we do with this?”

“Well, I was going to take it to the main kitchen but the head chef is quite particular about food and ingredients so they may be discarded since they aren’t seasonal products at the moment.”

“That sounds terrible.”

“Yeah but it’s better than eating it all alone by myself, because that isn’t very meaningful. Besides, the only thing I can make is inari sushi.” I looked into the basket of vegetables then back at Ginji-san.

“Hmm. That sushi from yesterday, did you make that Ginji-san?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid it probably wasn’t that delicious.”

“Nonsense! In fact they were some of my favourites, they were truly something. They had a modest sweetness, they weren’t miserable or horrible at all! For me they were simply irresistible.” I was almost buzzy thinking about the deliciousness of the inari sushi from last night. Ginji-san seemed very surprised from my praise, although it may have come off as a bit intense

86. I sneakily try and change the topic. “Well, the inari sushi here is the same, food from the Apparent Realm is pretty similar to food from this world.”

“Ah, I see. Well I guess each others cultures pass us by without noticing. Many dishes have been brought over from the Apparent Realm. That’s where inari sushi is from.”

“I didn’t know that.” Among all the dishes I have ever casually eaten they have all been from the Apparent Realm, but now I wonder. Have any dishes from the Hidden Realm been brought to the Apparent Realm? “Ah, that’s right, Ginji-san, have you had lunch yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“If it’s okay, I’d let to use this kitchen if you’d let me. Of course I’ll clean up afterwards but I want to make you something in order to thank you for the inari sushi yesterday.”

“Eh, of course. You don’t have to though, are you sure?”

“Don’t be silly, of course I’m sure. I can cook and you look blown away from tiredness. Oh and if I do cook, do you think I could have just a little bit?” A ringing sound emerged from my stomach.

“Don’t worry that’s natural!” Ginji-san said in a hurry.

87. “Ginji-san, what type of food would you like to eat?”

“What type of food I want to eat?”

“Anything is ok as long as you have the seasonings and ingredients in this world.” When I look around the kitchen there seems to be a few seasonings such as soy, liquor, mirin, salt and sugar. There was also brown rice and miso. “Hm, then I’d like to eat Omurice.” (Omelette rice)

“Omurice?” What an unexpected order. Ginji-san a grown adult wants omurice.

“I have heard that there is a food in the Apparent Realm called omurice that resembles inari sushi!”

“………” I frown my face in defeat, I can only give in. I wonder if omurice is similar to sushi? No, maybe seasoned rice perhaps, although the idea of wrapping is kind of similar. “Omurice is a dish that normally children like to order.”

“Oh, then I will be a child!” Ginji-san disappears into a cloud of smoke and emerges as the figure of a small boy.

88. There was a very young boy with silver hair and a lovely smile. I start to prepare for the omurice. He shakes his ears and tails; this adorableness is my weakness. “Well, I know there’s rice but I’m not sure if there’s anything to cook it in. It may take time, but the meat also has to be defrosted.”

“Ah, in this world our pots are spirit baskets, so the rice will cook in 5 minutes.”

“Spirit basket?”

“it’s like the pressure cooker of this world.” I only have an electric pressure cooker back home, it feels a little embarrassing. “It’s like a pot that uses spiritual energy, it’s slightly different from the pressure cooker from the Apparent Realm but it has the same effect none the less. Besides, this pot has been in the Hidden Realm since Ancient times and is mostly unique to elders.” Ginji-san then pointed to a round disk surrounded by cooking utensils in the kitchen. “Please put the frozen meat on this disk.”

“This?”

89. Pork, chicken and flock meat. They were all frozen as hard as rocks, when I put it on the disk Ginji-san called out, “Thaw!” The frozen meat was then enveloped in a purple flame wrapping around it, thawing in a few seconds. “Well, that thawed quickly, almost like a microwave.”

“Apart from the thawing of frozen meat, frozen foods can also be cooked from the wild fire in this disk. This instrument was confiscated from a mage and it has multiple functions. Thawing and heating, if you were to issue it an order it would listen.”

“Woah, the Hidden Realm is so strange, it’s different from the things in the Apparent Realm.” I’m extremely impressed with the cooking utensils that are unique to the Hidden Realm and their kitchen circumstances. Even though I thought of my own cooking technology to be superior, these seem to be just as good. I wash my hands so I can start cooking. “Ginji-san, this is clean right?”

“Yes, if an employee has used it beforehand chances are I would have washed it. There are also some kimono’s here for employees.”

“Really? I wonder if you could lend it to me.”

“Well of course, everything here is going to be destroyed or thrown out anyway.” Ginji-san who was sitting on a table stool in the form of a little boy jumped off and went into a back room. After a minute I heard him call out. “Aoi-san! Come over here.”

90. I went into the back room, which seemed like it was a rest room for employees. Ginji-san had taken out a rough looking kimono with a matcha colour and a white sash. “Are you sure this is alright?”

“Yes, thank you. That dress is a little too cheery and foreign for around here according to the Young Hostess.”

“Oh, well I guess O-Ryo-san is right.” What Ginji-san said was a little mean. Ginji-san exited the room after handing me the kimono. Luckily I knew how to put one on, after all my Grandfather had taught me how to many times. I guess Grandfather knew from the start I would end up in such a situation… Remembering such a thing saddens me. After I finished putting on the kimono I wanted to tie up my hair so it wouldn’t get in the way while I was cooking. I think it can be disturbing to have it out while cooking. Even if it’s only a cord, I need something to put my hair up with. In that moment I remembered that there was a black band in my university bag, I went out to the counter with the kimono on. “Wow, Aoi-san that yatsuri kimono is just right for you.”

“Thank you, but I can’t start cooking yet because my hair is in the way… Ah, I wonder if that band is in my university bag after all?”

91. I picked up my bag and opened it, whilst looking for the black band something had fallen out. “A hair ornament?” It had a camellia bud on it. In order to give the ogre food who I now know is the Master, I handed him a bento. When I got the bento box back, it was placed on top like a thank you item. “Hmm, isn’t that crimson crystal?”

“Crimson crystal?”

“It’s an extremely rare and expensive crystal which is able to move. Would you like me to tie your hair up with it?”

“Ginji-san, you know how to tie hair?”

“Yes, since one of my forms is a woman, I’ve practiced and studied womanly gestures.” Ginji-san then changed from the appearance of a little boy, into a woman. He stands behind me taking a comb from his belt and gently brushes with kind hands. He has a really feminine smell. Ginji-san is a little confusing, at first I thought he wanted omurice like a little boy, and now he wants to tie my hair like a woman. “Here you go, the hair ornament suits you well.”

92. When I looked at my figure in the hand held mirror I tilted it to see the bud of the camellia on the side. I wonder if it matched me or not. Now. Together with Ginji-san I was able to understand some of the similarities and differences between the Hidden Realm and Apparent Realm. I had added rice and water into the spirit basket, covering it then putting it over the fire. A cooking stove that uses spirit fire is just as efficient as one that uses electricity. I made sure the remaining ingredients were ready then prepared the seasoning. “Now, I don’t think there’s any ketchup here, I wonder if there is any tomatoes?” Although all the seasonings for Japanese style dishes seemed to be here, he didn’t have any ketchup. I thought about the flavours of the soy sauce, perhaps soy sauce and kyushu would closely resemble the flavour more than soy sauce and kanto? A soy sauce containing sugar and licorice. “Hm if that’s so I think I’ll do a Japanese style omurice with sweet soy sauce instead of ketchup. Even without it, you still wrap it in eggs, so it’s still omurice.” Perhaps I’m a little doubtful of if he’ll really enjoy my cooking or not. I hit my hand on the table briefly and give out a brief groan while looking at all the ingredients. Whenever I’m angry, the things that matter most to me when I’m cooking is making sure nothing is wasted. “Hey, Ginji-san I’ll still make you omurice but there’s so many ingredients here. So I wonder if it’d be ok for me to also make other dishes?”

93. “Eh? Are you willing to go that far? Of course, I’m grateful, however, there are lots of ingredients left and it’d be a waste to throw them out.”

“How about we use them to make a side dish and keep them for a while? I really feel like cooking right now. How about chicken’s meat? It seems like we can make something delicious using this soy sauce here.”

“I see. It looks good. I like it as well.” Ginji-san who’s sitting at the counter shakes his tails once.

“There’s pork loin too. We can make boiled pork and radish. Oh besides, we have miso too. So we

can make fried miso eggplant.”

“Wow that’s nice.”

“Well, I just queued the things I liked and wanted to eat. This is a side dish I always make.”

“Oh by the way, the Master likes fried miso eggplant as well.” As expected, Ginji-san brings up the topic of the Master. “Eh, is that so? That’s an unexpectedly common dish for someone like the Master to enjoy.”

“Well, it’s true that only high-class dishes are served at Tenjin-ya. But sometimes it’s unavoidable not to want to eat ordinary foods. However, our chef doesn’t make such dishes so by the Master’s request we sometimes go to the cafeteria wearing common people’s clothes.”

“Well, that’s surprising, I did think of him as an ogre who enjoys playing around.”

94. “There is no such thing. The Master himself is a serious person. However, this is also my favourite dish.  I wonder about what an ogre’s favourite food could be. Well it doesn’t matter either way. Let’s continue our work. If we carve some mushrooms and carrots, rice would be cooked by then. We should turn off the fire underneath the kettle and put it aside for a while. Next, we’ll peel the onions, potatoes, carrots and etc, then make scalloped potatoes and cut the chicken into bite sized ones.”

“Aoi-san do you dislike the Master?”

I was suddenly asked by Ginji-san who was sitting at the counter. He seemed anxious.

“Hey, that person is reluctantly trying to marry me without knowing anything about me. Turning a

human girl into a bride, not to mention he’s used the bento (lunch) made with love to bring me to

the hidden realm.”

All of a sudden Thinking about that ogre and remembering that time makes me angry. ‘It’s delicious,

Aoi ‘he staggered a bit, while eating a mouthful of food in a posture that indicated how hungry

he was at the time. Remembering that I was actually happy at the time, makes me laugh

 95.So I shook my head to get rid of the thought and opened the lid of the pot -which contained spirit

power- with emergency. The cooked rice smells really good.

“Wow.”

The steamed rice cooked plainly and looks glossy , made an unexpectedly admiring voice leak

out.

Even this rice seems delicious enough only with garlic and saliva.

However it’s now omurice. (omelette rice) Mix the rice using a wooden spoon so that the rice goes up and down and served the amount that you want in the bowl (duhhhhhh ;/ ) Next, we’ll heat the oil with a flat iron pan like a frying pan. ( too much cooking, not enough Odanna and Ginji) And we’ll stir-fry carved chicken, mushrooms and white leeks with salt and pepper (sighs) In addition, we’ll fry the rice whilst stirring it and adding salt, pepper and sweet soy sauce. Once it smells good, take it out and place it on a flat plate at the right timing. Next, we’re going to season the eggs with soup and put them in a heated pan ( ew ) Bake all the ingredients while stirring wrap the fried rice in eggs and shape the omelette rice. Taking a step from the counter Ginji-San says ‘ooo’ while his eyes are shining like a little boy. Well, he is a little boy to begin with. “Actually, I eat it with a sauce of tomatoes called ketchup (tysm for the information) but it does not seem to be in here in the hidden world. This is a Japanese style omurice.”

96.I placed the soft, fluffy and yellow omurice on a flat plate. I thought to myself if we look at this carefully it does resemble inari sushi. Just like Japanese hamburgers, I placed grated daikon and carved oba on top. By doing this , we can also see the broth made out of egg . ( ;| ) It’s a bit unusual and wicked (um, what? ) to use the egg in order to make an omelette , but it looks so fluffy and seems delicious. Also, the yellow colour is beautiful. Fried rice with pepper and soy sauce, along with good smell of fluffy egg makes me hungry. I put the food in front of Ginji-San, his eyes were wide open. "Yum! let’s dig in. I’m grateful for this food."

"Here you go, I have another work to attend to."

Even though I said that, I attentively took look sat Ginji-san who was looking at the omurice gently, omurice is a combination really worth looking at. He’s using chopsticks to eat the omurice while breaking down the daikon I was surprised by the fluffy texture, Ginji-san too looked like he’s trying this new texture by slowly taking it to his mouth and tasting it at first, but gradually he started eating it. Seeing him eat the food in his boyish figure while smiling and moving his tails, made me kind of happy. I let go of the though thinking it was not appropriate. I put a bottle of sauce next to the omurice obeying Ginji-san ‘s previous request.

97. “It’s delicious! Well this is a surprise, the seasoning is unexpectedly good! “

“I’m glad that is suits your taste, you know, my grandpa also liked omurice very much, how can I say this , it’s beautiful right ? “

“That’s right. It’s really good It doesn’t cost much and seems to be found in main shops if I’m right? “

“Huh?”

“Oh it isn’t so. Well, that’s what I’ve heard “

Ginji-san started eating silently again. Me on the other hand, since my stomach was full, I had started to make meat and potatoes with high speed in secret. It contains chicken meat and potatoes. In this case I only seasoned it with sugar, kerosene and sake. ( h a i ?? =___= ) Sauté chicken, add sauce and let it cook for a little more, and I’ll just throw chopped onions, carrots and potatoes and heat it for a while. Simple ingredients and seasoning. It's a short time specification, but my favourite recipe. “Ah, it’s done already “The good smell of potatoes made me smile. Well make sure that the element is on first and let it boil. Just because he was a small dealer in a driftwood, the equipment is good. With premium equipment everything turns out to be delicious. Let’s say that we’re done with the cooking. I serve the food for two plates alongside with tea bowls.

98. I gathered the remaining radish to serve them in a bowl. “Well then, let me cook as well. ”By his request I sat next to Ginji-san. Ginji-san prepared the teas and placed them next to the tea pot. (Is this counted as cooking?=__= ) “Time to eat! “

“That’s nice, I also want to eat ~ “ I wonder if the chicken and potatoes go well with the omurice ( AS IF IT WOULD ) “Aoi-san please take your time and eat as you please . I will also help myself “

“Is that so? “

“You must be hungry, so please start eating. “Inspired by Ginji-san’s words, I started eating the rice I was really looking forward to . It’s rich and has a sweet taste. It’s a bit different from cooking with a rice cooker. The fragrant is nicer.

It is a deliciousness that makes you feel inspired like drawing out the taste of rice from a deep place. ( I admire how Aoi goes deep with the description of tastes -since I’m really foody myself ^__^ )

“Amazing” My eyes were shining while I was holding another bowl of rice. I originally though that the rice alone was enough to make me full. But I also want to eat meat and potatoes. Thinking of that, my chopsticks started moving again. Seriously, it’s just chicken, potatoes and rice ! (Ok we get it Aoi , why do we have to re-read ingredients 10000 times .)

99. Bite sized chicken with sweet soy sauce and rice. Every so often I would roast the potato and dress it in crisp ponzu sauce and daikon. I have small bites of it. Ahh, it’s really delicious! Regardless of the skill that went into this dish, I was getting more hungrier and hungrier. I ate the delicious white rice, meat and potatoes filling up my stomach. In that moment I felt a bit of happiness. I also served Ginji-san a bowl of meat and potato. I also had some of the omurice, this time I had changed the recipe and not used the normal white rice. Even though Ginji-san is in the figure of a little boy, he eats a lot. It makes me somewhat glad. “Aoi-san, even though you are a human you season your food to the taste of an Ayakashi, it’s very sweet and thin.”

“Yeah, from what I can understand Grandpa had similar tastes to Ayakashi since he was always going back and forth between two worlds.” From what Ginji-san said it seems for Ayakashi their favourite tastes are sweet and thin but has a nice flavour at the same time. Individual tastes that all combine into one. It was my Grandfather’s favourite too, because I was always cooking for him it seems that it ended up being linked to making delicious meals for Ayakashi. Suddenly, the taste of the soy sauce I had licked brought back memories.

100. “Ah by the way, this sweet Kyushu soy sauce is similar to the likes of the one my Grandpa would use.”

“Yes, it seems the sweet soy sauce of this world is close to the one from the Apparent Realm.”

“Woah, that’s interesting.”

“Well, there was such a time where sugar trade was thriving in Dejima, Nagasaki. So in Kyushu a place that was full of sand soon began to serve delicious sweet food. So it seems that merchants from this world would constantly disguise themselves as human beings so they could go to the Apparent Realm for trade. Sugar was a seasoning that sweet toothed Ayakashi loved to eat and cook with. In Kyushu so many merchants were coming and going that eventually sweet soy sauce found it’s way into the world.”

“Really? Don’t you think that’s cool?

“In those days it was still free to come and go in between this world and the Apparent Realm. Back then I even got to see the Southern-barbarians who were rumoured to be in Nagasaki.”

“Eh?” I guess Ginji-san was alive back then… I know that Ayakashi have long life spans but in the era where the trade at Dejima was occurring, well, it’s a story from hundreds of years ago. I’m sure Ginji-san was a young Ayakashi back then.

101. “Ah my stomach, I was wondering if you’d want miso soup as well? I’d have to prepare it but I wouldn’t want you going hungry somehow.” When one’s stomach is satisfied, sounds stop coming out. I was concerned there wasn’t enough food on the counter since at home it would not have been a filling meal. “No, it was very delicious. Thank you very much, I’d heard that you were a good cook but now I’m absolutely convinced.”

“……” “If you’d like please feel free to use the ingredients and this kitchen as you see fit, so make anything. If there’s something you need I can get it from the main kitchen. I’m sure the Chief Chef won’t notice.”

“Fufu, it’s alright I’ll try making something out of the ingredients here.”

“Would you like me to bring some to the Master?”

“No, I’d rather eat it all by myself.”

“But the Master would be really pleased!” Ginji-san who almost looks pregnant from all the food begins to drink some tea. I glance at him from the side. “Ginji-san you mention the Master a lot, right?”

“Well of course, we all care for the Master.”

102. I also take a drink of the tea. For the Ayakashi here, what type of person is the Master to them all? This tea is very delicious and fluffy, of course it would be good at a luxurious inn like this though. “Now, what else should we make?” As I thought about the left overs I began thinking of a side dish in my head, I was really good at it. But even I can recognise that I’ve been neglecting some important things. “That’s right, no matter how many dishes I make, without a place to sleep it’s all hopeless really. I still don’t have a job.” I began to tremble. If I don’t manage to find a job what will happen to me? The Ogre-god said if I were to run away he would eat me, but what will he do if I remain unemployed? “Oh is that so? Well if that’s the case you can sleep in the back room here. The previous employee was sleeping in there before the store opened so there’s a set of futons.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, of course.” Ginji-san’s smile is so lovely but there’s something I’ve been wondering about.

“Hey, Ginji-san, why are you so nice to me? All the Ayakashi here hate me, but everything you’ve done has been so kind.”

103. Last night he was very kind to me, he snuck into my room with sushi. Gave me some ingredients and praised my cooking. Ginji-san spilled his cup a little bit after hearing my words. “I guess that’s correct.” He returns into the figure of a young man. “Well I feel like I’ve known you since you were a child.”

“Eh?” I wonder if I had met Ginji-san somewhere else, I don’t remember. “Oh do you mean my grandpa told you about me?”

“Uh, uh. Yes! Yes, it must have been in that type of situation.” He puts a sleeve over his mouth and laughs into it, his eyes are looking all around the room frantically. “If you are hungry, you can always come here.” Those are very happy words to me.

“Ginji-san you’re my saviour! Is doing all of this really okay?” I say strongly try to assert my emotions.

“Well, I am the Young Master.” Ginji-san said quickly. He waved his hands in front of his chest.

104. “Such a thing as kindness in a world full of Ayakashi may be true after all.”

“After all?” Ginji-san’s fox ear’s twitch slightly.

“Yes, a long time ago there was a kind Ayakashi who helped me. Ginji-san you remind me of that Ayakashi.”

“……”

“If you ever need anything Ginji-san please tell me and I’d gladly do it!” Feelings of gratefulness towards Ginji-san are starting to overflow. He raises his eyebrow. “Anything?” He says in a questioning tone. “Well then, will you cook for me again?”

“That’s… Well Ginji-san if you want something to eat just tell me and I’d make it!”

“I see…” He had a small smile on his face at that moment.

After that, Ginji-san left for his work.

105.  I decided to clean the kitchen and make a side dish. In time I make the back room into a bedroom of some sort. In addition to that wiped down the counter in preparation for any customers that might walk in. I saw a cupboard full of china, there were many fine pieces of pottery inside. I felt as if this restaurant could really have a fighting chance. On top of this I also discovered many utensils that seemed unique to the Hidden Realm, there was even something similar to a mixer from the Apparent Realm. The interior of this place soon looks very beautiful, I then go out to clean the garden. “This place isn’t scary, calm down.” I look up into the sky and realise that it is the evening, when I look up at the big beautiful purple sky I can see multiple ships with lanterns hanging from them. The lanterns sway up and down. I can hear festival music in the distant. The warm light starts to leak out into the evening, it’s a calm atmosphere, one that reminds me of a private home. Hopefully this place will eventually be noticed. “Well, thanks to Ginji-san we have food, shelter and clothing. Tomorrow I’ll work hard as well.” He was helping this place that seemed to be forgotten. It seems like it’s really hard for Ginji-san to stop trying. Anyway, I think I should check on my pork and radish, I also want to return to the main building afterwards. An explosion like sound could be heard emitting from the main building, it was surprising. “Eh, eh? What was that?”

106. I was curious about the explosion like noise and headed towards the main building. Crossing the dark corridor from the back door, I turned towards the front, some kind of flyer being carried by the wind crossed my face. It seemed like it was promoting a Cherry Blossom festival at, ‘Onikomi.’ I opened the door and saw the sight before me. At the reception the Tsuchigomo with the red hair was standing at the front dealing with a guy with a big nose and black wings. He was throwing around liquor bottles at Daruma and making a tantrum, although I wasn’t sure if he was exaggerating or not. “Please stop Master Tengu! You too Daruma!” Akatsuki of the Tsuchigomo tried to calm down the fighting by easing the need for bloodshed, but his voice doesn’t reach them because there is so many people. Why was there even fighting in the first place, was the question. Flocks of Ayakashi and low-level employees are watching over it. “Hey, who are those people?” A small girl looked at me from the other side, she had a raccoon like appearance, I started talking to her for a brief moment.

107.“Well you see the Tengu were hosting a party here at Tenjin-ya today to celebrate. But they started complaining about the food saying it was boring, So the Tengu got angry and tipped over a table.”

“I see, that sounds horrible.”

“Well, I guess they were all pretty drunk. But I wouldn’t have wanted to apologise and replace their food either. Pride is expensive after all. When I heard the fighting, I ran to the front and the fight was really big. It seemed like a war between Daruma and Tengu. By tomorrow I’m sure our Inn will be a pile of debris if this continues.” That’s what the Raccoon like Ayakashi said, but she’s right. This inn may be in trouble. A vase then went flying and we ducked down, “Kya.”

“What’s going on in here? Where is the Master?”

“The Young Hostess is going to get the Master, I’m sure he’ll be here soon. He’ll be able to calm this place down.”

“Are Tengu honourable Ayakashi?”

108. “Yes, that’s why we’re all trying to hold down our anger as well.” Said the raccoon girl, it must be easy for the Tsuchigomo to watch over them and also handle the situation with his spider web. “The Tengu are good customers here since they are very generous. Because of that generosity they’re valuable business partners, so it will be hard to repair our relationship with them if this continues. We’ll have to wait for the Master to get here. Although I’m not sure if even he’d be able to help the situation.”

“No way…”

“But the dining here is a little bad. The cuisine here does not change at all. Some customers like the taste but others have begun to grow bored of it. However the head Daruma does not listen to such complaints.” The battle of the Tengu started to pick up, as they started to throw souvenirs. As I watched the dispute that I’m not even closely related to, I notice the Master has not showed up yet. If this continues the Inn will be broken, I was starting to become seriously worried. “You rotten Daruma are dead!”

“You good for nothing Tengu, go to hell! Never come back here again.”

“You’re all brain dead!”

109. “I’ll break that long nose of yours!” The fighting between the Ayakashi continues to get louder and louder.

“Ouch.” I could hear sounds of things breaking. I was then hit in the forehead by a Temari ball thrown by Daruma. It’s the Head Daruma’s cuisine that is causing all of this to happen. The front is like a whirlwind with Daruma figures causing chaos by throwing salted plums from the simmering soup.

“Are you all right?”

“Itata, jeez those drunks!”

“Oh no, there’s blood coming from your forehead. Human beings are vulnerable to that.” It wasn’t a great or painful injury but there still seemed to be blood leaking from my forehead. The Tanuki seemed a little worried, but at that time I saw the Master come from the other side of the corridor. The young snow woman hostess on one side and on the other side there was a middle-aged woman who was doing up her hair, I’d never seen her before.

“Wow, it’s the first hostess!” The raccoon girl seemed to lose her confidence and begin to tremble as she reverted back into a normal raccoon. It seemed as if she was a mere admirer but was still afraid. I had a terrible feeling.

110. It seemed as if the Master had noticed me as he showed a slightly surprised expression. It seemed as if he noticed that I had tied my hair back. He was looking down at me with a cool look. I try to keep the blood from running down my forehead. “Well, well, how unbelievable of you to not bow your head to the Master.”

“It’s bad practice to allow such habits to grow, is it not First Hostess? Of course, it’s a human girl who would do such a thing. Never the less, what is with the blood? It is a makeup of some sort? What kind of simple girl messes up their makeup that horribly?” That’s what the First Hostess and Young Hostess said. The area is a little uncomfortable, but I try and lower my head. “You don’t have to do such a thing.” The Master stopped me from lowering my head with a cold voice. The Master seemed to be in a foul mood. Those red eyes reminded me of that trembling gaze from yesterday. The First Hostess has a smooth look on her face. “Oh Master. It’s sweet of you let an employee go undisciplined. Especially annoying human beings with debts to repay.”

“This human is not yet an employee, she is just a simple girl.”

111. The Master unleashes those colds words onto me without mercy. Even from far away I could tell he had a cold attitude, far different from when we had first met. I was shocked with regret. “You’re an eyesore Tsubaki Aoi. You have no place here, so this dispute is none of your business.”

“I was just worried about what was happening here.”  

“Leave here at once. Unless you’d like to be an offering. In that case I’ll hand you over to the Tengu.” I was unable to say anything in response to the Master’s cold words, the Snow Woman however found something to say with ease. “Good. The Tengu would love to have a human girl. I’m sure they’d be so delighted that they’d forget about this entire ordeal.”

“…….” The blood on my forehead flows down and falls onto the floor.

“Girl! Do not dirty the floor with the filthy blood of human beings!” The First Hostess angrily shouted at me. My body trembled, as you would expect. The Master opened his mouth slightly as if he was going to say something to me, but eventually he said nothing and instead walked towards the fighting. Both Hostesses follow him. I feel somewhat hopeless as I felt a warm colour rising to my cheeks.

112. At first the fighting between the Daruma and Tengu was quite worrisome, but the Master seemed to resolve it. I feel now he will only grow colder and start yelling at me more. I decided to flee from this place. I probably looked hurt and bloody now that I think about it.

Woahh so here we are after like, a month and a lot. Chapter 3. Enjoy. In this chapter we don’t get much interaction between Aoi and Odanna-sama except for the scene where he’s in a foul mood. However, since the next chapter is called The Old Tengu, we’ll most likely see more of Odanna! The interaction between Aoi and Ginji was a lot more in depth here in comparison to the anime where these scenes occurred, which I believe was episode 2. On another note, did anyone else end up balling their eyes out during the final episode? Because I did, twice actually. Hopefully the rumours about season 2 airing in summer anime 2019 won’t stay a rumour.

Pages 93 to 98 translated by @wondering-apricot

Pages 65 to 112 (excluding 93 to 98) done by myself

So, have you ever thought about supporting your favourite translators for Kakuriyo No Yadomeshi? Well, now you can, buy us a novel at this link. Paypal.me/KakuriyosTranslation

[e350tb]

Steven Universe: Woomera - Chapter Three

(with thanks to @real-fakedoors for proofreading. READ HER STUFF.)

Three

Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet

Civic was the cultural and social hub of the city of Canberra.

All things considered, this was not saying much.

Certainly, the twin Sydney and Melbourne Buildings, stately Mediterranean-styled structures on opposite sides of Northbourne Avenue, had a goodly variety of shops and restaurants, and there was the Monaro Mall if you wanted to visit the upmarket David Jones department store. There was the stately Hotel Civic, famed mostly for a protest against its gender-segregated public bar back in ‘65. But it was just too quiet and dull compared to Sydney or Melbourne, and it lacked the country-town charm of a rural centre. People didn't excitedly anticipate going to Civic - they went there because there was absolutely nowhere else.

Well, except perhaps Queanbeyan, but that was a bit of a drive.

O’Reilly’s was an Irish Pub on the corner of the Sydney Building (or so it was claimed - the founder was an American who'd never been to the Emerald Isle in his life, and the dark, shadowy musk felt more like Goulburn than Galway). It was by no means the heart of Civic, but it was cheap, and that was what mattered to its patrons. There were no politicians here, no big-name journalists - just ordinary people.

Lapis sat at the bar, looking at a dog-eared copy of the Canberra Times. It had been printed this morning, which was already starting to feel like an age ago. OPPOSITION BLOCKS SUPPLY, it bellowed.

“No kidding,” muttered Lapis.

She shrugged and turned through the pages, past the editorials and the letters and through the various local news stories, and found herself at the sports pages. She looked again to be sure, and then threw the paper away in disgust. No abandoned car story - the editor hadn't run it. She doubted he'd even looked at it.

She sighed, burying her head in her arms.

“Can I get you anything?” the bartender asked helpfully.

“Can you get me a ticket out of this place?” replied Lapis.

“I can get you a beer,” shrugged the bartender.

Lapis groaned.

“Straight vodka,” she replied, “It’s been that kind of day.”

“Right away, ma'am.”

The bartender walked off to prepare the drink. As he walked along the counter, he passed two young women, both on the short side, in animated discussion.

“Amethyst, you know I can't,” said one, “I've got an essay due the next day and I need that time to study!”

“C’mon, Peridot, this is what student life is all about!” exclaimed Amethyst, “You gotta live a little!”

“By attending a communist rally?”

“Socialist,” Amethyst corrected, “It’s a big tent. And it'll be for a good cause! Trust me, I know a bunch of people there, you'll fit right in!”

“Amethyst…”

“Would you do it for me?” asked Amethyst, grinning sweetly and leaning in on her friend.

Peridot’s face turned red.

“I… uh… sure, okay. But don't do that here, we’re in public,” she warned.

Amethyst sighed and sat back.

“Being in public sucks,” she grunted.

“Well, we’ll be back at the dorm soon,” shrugged Peridot.

Amethyst grinned.

The bartender walked back past them, handing the shot of straight vodka to Lapis. He sat the glass down in front of her, a bit of strain in his expression. He looked like he wanted to say something, maybe, but Lapis wasn't particularly in the mood for chit-chat.

"I know what I'm doing," she grunted, letting her fingers circle the rim of her liquid courage. The man's frown deepened momentarily, but he walked away without any probing questions.

Mission accomplished. Miserably, Lapis raised the shot glass.

“Here's to Melbourne,” she said, “Some day.”

She sighed, draining the small glass in one go and shaking her head.

Not far away, Donald Fryman sat at a table, rubbing his temples. A friend of his, a local lawyer named Marilee Zircon, regarded him with sympathetic eyes.

“I'm sorry, Don,” she said, “There just doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. The RSL guys just won't hear it.”

“Why not?” demanded Fryman, “They're the Returned and Services League. I'm a returned serviceman! Why can't they let me in?”

“They, uh, they sent me a letter, but I don't think it's…” Zircon began.

“Give it here,” grunted Fryman.

Swallowing, Zircon produced a single sheet of paper from her pocket and handed it to Fryman. He unfolded the sheet and read it out loud.

“Ms. Zircon,” he read, “As Mr. Fryman did not serve in a real war - that's underlined, glad they made that clear - we are not obligated to provide him with membership or support. Furthermore, we believe that the conduct of servicemen in the late war in Vietnam does not correspond with the values of the RSL or the Anzac tradition… where the fuck do they get off on this?”

He threw the letter down in disgust.

“Don…”

“I need some air,” snapped Fryman, climbing to his feet and marching to the door.

The night was brisk - although winter was long over, the Canberra evenings still had their bite. Fryman walked up to his rusty old car and stopped next to it, lighting a cigarette.

“Bad night?”

Fryman looked up. Bill Dewey stood under a street lamp by the bus stop.

“Mhm,” grumbled Fryman, “Bad day. This Senate crap’s turning Parliament House upside down. They've got me guarding Fraser now - twelve ‘till ten, can you believe it?”

He took a drag of his smoke.

“If I wanted to work those hours, I'd have stayed at Nui Dat.”

Both men chuckled, and Fryman took another drag.

“So, what’re you up to?” asked Fryman.

“Waiting for a bus,” replied Dewey.

He leaned forward, looking left and right, and shook his head.

“It never seems to be coming, does it?” he sighed.

“Nah,” said Fryman ruefully, “Typical Canberra buses.”

He took one more drag of his cigarette and dropped it, crushing it under his shoe.

“Well, one more,” he said, “Then I’d better be getting home to Peedee.”

“You have a good night, Don,” Dewey nodded.

Fryman smirked and performed a mock salute.

“You too, Lieutenant Dewey.”

He turned and walked back inside. He was halfway back to Zircon’s table when he felt someone tug on his arm. He turned - an elderly fellow, perhaps sixty years old, was sitting alone at a table. He was gaunt, his dark rimmed eyes magnified by a pair of glasses.

“Couldn’t help but notice you’re getting screwed by the RSL too,” he said raspily, “Same happened to me, you know.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” nodded Fryman.

“Yeah, it’s the way it goes, isn’t it?” grunted the man, “The government calls you to do it’s dirty business then throws you away when it’s done.”

He shook his head.

“They sold our lives at Woomera,” he muttered darkly, “May as well have fuckin’ shot us themselves.”

Across the bar, already fairly drunk, Lapis’ ears perked up. Woomera… Woomera, that was important… Roy Bradley’s car! WOOMERA!

Lapis pursed her lips and nodded to herself. It was time, she decided, to start getting some answers.

She climbed to her feet in determination. Then she swayed, losing her sense of balance, her vision swimming and her head pounding. Bile built up in her throat. For a moment, she glanced back at the counter, and the ten shot glasses that had accumulated in front of her stool suddenly into sharp focus.

As she fell backwards, crashing to the hard, tiled floor, she asked herself if ten shots of straight vodka had really been such a good idea.

Then there was a crash, and all was dark.

There’s a blissfulness about unconsciousness, about neither feeling nor thinking. One can’t really be hurt or punished in such a state - it is a strange sort of zen, bereft of the wonder of dreams or the terror of nightmares.

Usually it’s to define when consciousness returns. The exception to this rule is when it comes back in the form of a pounding, splitting headache. In those cases, it comes back with great and unwelcome fanfare.

Lapis groaned, clutching her head as she took stock of her surroundings. She was back in her apartment - how did she get here? She’d been laid on the couch, a pillow under her head and a blanket over her body. Did she walk home? Get a cab? Fly, even? That perhaps was unlikely, but part of her didn’t want to rule it out.

Still moaning to herself, she sat up. The apartment was a mess, but that wasn’t new - cleaning products were expensive and she wasn’t exactly swimming in money. Among the dusty pile of old newspapers and junk mail on the coffee table, she sighed a clean sheet of a paper, a hastily scrawled note written upon it.

Found you laying outside that Irish Pub at eleven last night and helped you get home. Hope you don’t mind, but I had to go through your pockets to find your keys. - Greg.

Outside? But… but she passed out inside the pub, so…

So they’d picked her up and deposited her on the pavement outside at closing time. Typical. Stay classy, O’Reilly’s.

She picked up the note paper and turned it over in her hand. There was a logo printed on the other side; It’s A Wash! An address underneath revealed that the business was in Acton, and was owned by a Greg Universe. Maybe she’d have to thank him.

She looked at the clock and sighed heavily. It was already evening - she must have slept all day. She’d be in trouble, except she doubted anyone at the Canberra Times had even noticed she hadn’t come in. Sitting back on the couch, she grabbed the remote and turned the television on.

Immediately, she was met with the face of Gough Whitlam, in the middle of an interview with someone at the Australian Broadcasting Corporation - the ABC.

More politics, she thought to herself. It was hard not to get sick of it all.

“...so, must Sir John Kerr accept your advice whatever advice you give-”

“Unquestionably!” Whitlam replied forcefully, before the interviewer had finished his question, “The Governor-General takes the advice of his Prime Minister and from no one else.”

“And must act on that advice?”

“Unquestionably! The Governor-General must act on the advice of his Prime Minister.”

“There is no tolerance here? He must do-”

“None whatever.”

Huh, Lapis thought. Well, this was a slightly interesting development - it seemed Whitlam was making it especially clear that he had no intention of backing down. Still, it all seemed a bit strange and technical. Who cared about the Governor-General anyway? He sat in a mansion and rubber-stamped laws, everybody knew that.

She turned off the TV. It wasn’t worth worrying about.

There was a lot worth worrying about for Pearl.

The press gallery was already going off; she could hear them from the Prime Minister’s offices. She didn’t blame them - the Prime Minister had directly challenged Ellicott’s legal opinion of the previous day, which wouldn’t have been a problem, except for the fact that it could easily be interpreted as a challenge to Sir John Kerr himself.

It made yesterday seem simple by comparison - a spat between Gough Whitlam and Malcolm Fraser, a normal dispute between parties. Now it threatened to become something impossibly larger. They’d called it a constitutional crisis yesterday - now ‘crisis’ seemed too tame a word. The world had turned upside down once again, and it had only just gone five.

It seemed it’d be a late night, so she’d headed down to grab a coffee. She needed caffeine - it was that or insanity, at this stage.

She met Fryman at the cafeteria, intently studying the board, his eyes sunken and weary. Pearl’s heart went out for him - being a security guard was a thankless job, after all. Next to him was one of her counterparts from Malcolm Fraser’s secretarial pool; a tall, lithe, blonde woman, conservatively dressed, her face set into a perpetual frown.

Yellow - for that was what everyone called her - had a reputation for being neurotic and something of a perfectionist. She was often hard to like. Yet under that exterior was a deeply competent woman, and one that Pearl respected...at a distance.

Nevermind the company. She came here with a goal in mind, caffeine, and she was going to see it through. Pearl stepped up beside Yellow and waited for her turn, though she was pleased when the pair included her in their conversation.

“That Briggs man came around today,” she spat, and Pearl raised an eyebrow.

“Martin Briggs?” she asked, “From the American Embassy?”

“Yeah, I saw him heading into Fraser’s office,” nodded Fryman, “What did he want?”

“I don’t know,” replied Yellow, “Something or another; Mr. Fraser was busy so I told him to come back next week. And then he hung around for twenty minutes leering at me. How does someone so uncouth get to be a diplomat?”

“Beats me,” shrugged Fryman.

“Yeah, he was coming onto me yesterday,” said Pearl, “Gough sent him off - told him to come back at six.”

“Well, if he came back, I didn’t see him,” shrugged Fryman, “But I might have left before him.”

They chatted idly for a little longer as the line moved. Eventually, Pearl had her coffee - no sugar or cream, as usual. Yellow turned her nose up at it.

“You’d have it without milk if they let you,” she sniffed.

“I don’t tell you how to have your coffee,” snapped Pearl.

Yellow snorted as she walked off, leaving Pearl and Fryman alone.

“Are you sure you don’t want to…” said Fryman, looking down at Pearl’s mug.

“I’m sure,” replied Pearl, “Certain flavours make me gag. I’ve always been something of a fussy eater, at any rate.”

“Get it from your parents?” asked Fryman.

“I don’t really remember my parents much,” replied Pearl, “Dad was a railwayman, he left my mother shortly after I was born to go to Junee. Then she died of pneumonia when I was about four, so I grew up with my relatives in Queanbeyan…”

“Oh.” Fryman bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Pearl shrugged, “I don’t think about them much, anyway.”

He nodded, covering his mouth as he yawned.

“I’d better get back to my post,” he said, “You have a nice evening, Pearl.”

“You too, Fryman,” nodded Pearl.

She yawned on reflex as the security guard walked away, and gazed morosely into her coffee. Her face was reflected in the cloudy liquid - god, she looked tired.

To think it was only day two.

[bratneykay]

BRO U KNOW WHAT, YOU CAN DO 1-64, MINUS 35 AND THE TWO YOU ALREADY DID OK. - BAN

THANKS BAN LOVE YOU MY DUDE

Ask Me 65 Questions You Aren’t Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Not the existence no, but sometimes I think about my life being like “The Truman Show”

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Not sure how to answer this question because obviously for too long, I could get scared, but I have to sleep in pure darkness, so..

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Myself in an alternate dimension? Lmao, I don’t know. i think I would want to meet everyone at least once.

4. What is your favorite word?

Magical

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

A Christmas Tree!

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

You’re naked, put some clothes on.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A college T-shirt :)

8. What do you label yourself as?

Kind, Passionate, Loving, Dedicated, lmao I could go onnnnnn

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark, cause I want sleep.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Talking to my BANITAAA, avoiding sleep like usual

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Five Years Old, I want to be that age again. I really didn’t have any worries in the world. My parents were still together, we still had a house and my baby brother was just born. 

12. Who told you they loved you last?

BANITA

13. Your worst enemy?

The guy I used to have a fling with. But he doesn’t even know that I dislike him as much as I do.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

A picture of the Effiel Tower in front of an orange and blue sunset-sky

15. Do you like someone?

Unfortunately not

16. The last song you listened to?

A Thousand Years by Christina Perrie

17. You can press a button that will make anyone person explode. Who would you blow up?

This is hella violent and I don’t wish to answer hahaha

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

It truly took me a long time to answer this and I’m still not sure.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Mmmmm I don’t like the word (or the action of making someone a..) slave, so let’s change it to ‘voluntarily be my assistant for a day’ and I’d say Tom Holland. We’d all know what I’d have him do… ;)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I have pretty full lips, not big, just full. Kissable I’d say. I also have really soft hair and on a good day, a nice figure. 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I think I would be tall and thick, not necessarily musclar, but definitely not a lean guy. Probably touch myself and then go out and have sex (if I could find someone to have sex with me, but probably not cause I’m still lame even as the opposite sex,) just to see how it felt. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I guess singing? It’s not a secret, but I don’t openly share that about myself because I don’t sing in front of large crowds. 

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Paper fucking cuts. Hate them with my life. I’m so scared of this, I’m shivering just thinking about it. 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Spicy Italian! Salami, Pepperoni, Provolone Cheese, and Banana Peppers (because I love them so very much).

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

This is lame, but probably some good food. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Hahahaha I’m about to be even more lame, but I do not drink alcohol. Not because it is illegal for me to drink in the states (but that as well), but just because I don’t care enough to try it, so didn’t want to give myself a reason to need it. 

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

All love, no hate. 

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I use the word ‘fuck’ and ‘fucking’ a lot, so probably that. :)

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

This is kinda scary because there was a fire not too far from where I’m at and it got to the point where my parents were afraid they were going to have to evacuate..Anyways, I have a couple pictures of my parents when they were married, and then a picture of my family because everything kinda went to shit. It’s the only copies we know of and they are kinda old, but I never want to lose those pictures. 

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Is this a question? Lmao. Ummmmm, if I was sleeping with celebrities, we all know I’d be up in London right now, but most of my celebrity crushes live there. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I don’t really know to be quite honest. I’d probably say my family’s dog that died about a month ago. 

34. What was your last dream about?

GOD, IT WAS WEIRD. It was something about the world ending and everything pretty much up in flames, and my family and I had to hide in this basement thing so the wind didn’t blow smoke into our lungs. Then, for some reason, I got to repeat the day over again and I tried to save everyone and went to the president about it, but it turns out it was Trump trying to take over the world with Nuclear Bombs and that’s where the smoke and stuff came from. It was wild. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Fortuantely, no. 

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

If you haven’t, have you even lived? Just kidding, but yes, I love it!

38. What is the color of your socks?

Not wearing at this particular moment, but mostly black and white. 

39. What type of music do you like?

I listen to a variety of different music, it’s crazy. My favorite is problem alternative rock or alternative pop!

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets, i love the colors! Even a bad day can seem like it’s ending beautifully.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Recently, it’s been Oreo, but I used to love Chocolate. 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don’t really follow either to be quite honest. I just can’t watch sports on TV, I prefer to see them in person. 

43. Do you have any scars?

I have a scar above my right eyelid from when I had surgery when I was five!

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A Physician’s Assistant and I’m thinking about being an OBGYN :) Woot woot

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Maybe how shy and antisocial I can be? I just don’t mind not talking to people, but it bothers everyone else I guess

46. Are you reliable?

To be there if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, yes. But with things like not losing something important or forgetting a birthday, definitely not. 

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Nothing. I don’t wanna know shit lmao

48. Do you hold grudges?

I tryyyy, I really try to hold grudges against my mother, but it’s only lasted two days. There are some things that hurt me that I hold onto for a long time, but in terms of how I’d treat said person, I’d be kind to them even if they completely broke my heart

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

This is a bit scary to imagine, but a whale and an ant. A Whant. 

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Mmmm, guess it wasn’t anything too unusual because nothing comes to mind. Probably some late night conversation that I had with my best friend.

51. Are you a good liar?

Depends on what I’m lying about. Probably not though. I’m good at making fake excuses, idk if that’s the same thing. 

52. How long could you go without talking?

Oh gosh, maybe 24 hours. I sing a lot, just like walking around. Does that count? I’d probably go crazy. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

HA. When I was about four (I even remember doing this), I took scissors to my own hair and just cut it wherever I wanted. Let’s just say, it was not a good look :|

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Mm, idk if this is referring to literally or via Urban Dictionary, butttttt....No?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I’M VERY BAD AT ACCENTS SORRY

56. What do you like on your toast?

Ham and Eggs to make a sandwich!

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Probably a heart, I don’t really draw, just doodle. 

58. What would be you dream car?

A jeep haha idk I just really like the look of them! Not really into cars though, as long as it works

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

If I had my own place, I would, but I don’t like singing when people can hear me kinda, soooo I don’t sing in the shower usually. But if I’m home alone, YOU GON BET I WILL

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes! I feel like the glaxay is too big for us to be the only living life form

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Nahhh, don’t completely agree with them

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Oooh I love me some weird questions. I like the letter Y, because in ASL, it’s the hang-loose sign. 

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Uh dragons can spit fire and fly??? Why is this a question

64. What do you think about babies?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE ME SOME BABIES! I mean, I want to be an OBGYN, so what does that tell you hahaha

[bobbystompy]

68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019

Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.

John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’

New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould

2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”

3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz

4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert

5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez

6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”

7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release

8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’

9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”

10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey

11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex

12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party

13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight. Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it. Belichick: You’re damn right. Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight. Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out. Gronk: Oh, I like it!

A Super Bowl winning exchange.

14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".

Belichick disagreed with it.

Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot. Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.

Another Super Bowl winning exchange.

15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur

16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad

17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)

18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”

19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell

20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]

Me: Check out this song I just wrote

[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]

Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass

-- @seanoneal

21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World

22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman

23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’

There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins

24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita

25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale

26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy

27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert

28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’ 

Yes tf I am

People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”

29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp

30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary

31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom

32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were: 

‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”

- @Authoroux

33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully

34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones

35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers

36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M. Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

-- Modern Family

37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil

38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”

39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham

40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher

41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.

-- Blink-155

42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”

43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’

45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos

46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”

47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”

48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’

49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)

50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham

51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign

52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes

53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019

54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”

55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson 

56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi

57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else

58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary

59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family

60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace

61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country

62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso

63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end

64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn? Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.

65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical

66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]

"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking

67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman

68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks

[guu]

complaining about my roommate and it got long because sometimes ya just gotta expel all that evil from ur body and i fight this war alone over here

the thing i hate most is how he can’t own up to what he does

he has to paint over every dumb petty thing he does with a flimsy excuse that often doesn’t actually make sense

and the majority of hatred built up over the past 2 1/2 years comes from a constant slew of unrelated habits i’ve asked to stop countless times but since he ~doesn’t like confrontation uwu~ he wont LET people talk to him

i hate confrontation too asshole but a household needs communication

and EVERY problem with him, because each individual thing is so small, gets nothing done about it and i have to just suck it up and try to not let the stress eat me alive

for example, constantly insisting a lamp be on 24/7 in the kitchen? the house MUST be at EXACTLY 65 at all times even when its that cold outside

never cleaning anything besides his own room

yelling like an absolute idiot into his mic playing games everyday

just the general idea of how petty it is to move a pot that’s not in his way off the stove that i yeah, use every day

how we couldnt leave toilet paper in the old house bathroom when that was the only one we had because he would insist he never had his own and mooch ours but he just keeps it in his room

like he’s just a general absolute pain to be around because every little thing he does is slightly annoying, and paired together and done every day, it’s INFURIATING, and i feel like it doesn’t sound that bad when explained but living it is hell

there’s just something about someone who will absolutely do something he knows will piss someone off (like stealing our heater we lent to our other roommate) and then hiding out in your room and ignoring them that is just

intolerable

petty is really the biggest describer i have. in that it’s often not so much what he’s doing but the fact that he’s doing it at all, like ‘WHY are you doing this’ and it’s executed in such a way that i come off as paranoid that ‘oh of course it’s just to spite you sure’ but i really can’t see another way for a lot of it!

and idk maybe this all wouldn’t get to me so much if our first problem werent him literally trying to freeze my son and i during the winter. that one was kinda big

we were friends for Years before charles and i moved in with him and he’s one of those people everyone thinks is nice because he puts on an almost softboy act of just being “such a nice guy who cares about his friends” but after living with him all i see is a need to grasp any small semblance of control he can and living in a way that he’s barely self sustained and doing the absolute bare minimum

also js but his voice is like nails on a chalkboard and he’s absolutely repulsive to look at lmao

anyway guess that’s that but i am trying in general to not let things get to me and shrug it off but wow is it hard when ur stuck in a house with someone. i was supposed to be moved out of here by now is why i’m specifically so bitter about this lately.

charles Promised we’d have a house before leon was born, that me being pregnant was a great motivator to save up, then she just. Didn’t. and i should have seen it coming because she Always Does This.

[hello-john]

Might Be Most Anything from me. John  Images of things pop just into my mind with a very detailed picture on a PCs monitor. May be trigged from a word I just saw. I have designed very complicated machines in my mind while drawing its technical diagram that I use to fabricate the system which I put into the service I needed performed. The machine I am thinking about when writing this was drawn sitting on a toilet seat over time in a shite factory I suffered in for twenty years. It’s a complete heating system I built for one of my business buildings that was fueled with free used motor oil. Not much I cannot do. Played guitar from 7 by ear from moms Johnny Cash LPs at first for tuning then finding the notes and building with my hands really puts information in memory that builds images that has made me very inventive and I stand out among a large amount of people as one to go to for technical info that would solve there problems. I am a very gentle kind person that has never felt anger so don’t know the feel of that destructive emotion. I have had to be in some very rough fight with men and I can be deadly mean but it was only defense from necessity not fear. Many learned to respect me seeing the whippings I have given to teach men right from wrong to change their unkind behavior. If someone is hurting another bully style it pulls the trigger in my mind and that Facur is going to feel a beating and learn that hurting people is a wrong decision that is opposite of Gods instruction, therefore immoral. It was wrong for me to beat him also, but I can feel others pain and I know inside and out how pain feels as I have experienced much more of it the most and it is a very horrible and traumatic thing. I have three advance stage disease’s. Vascular, neuropathic and skeletal. The first two block blood flow and currently lack of blood has wounds breaking out in my feet heavy going up calves and hands. Prognosis states infection to gangrene at which point feet have to be removed. No worry here I can’t use them anymore and will be glad to get away from the suffering pain that many time’s the past year give me strong thought of an easy bullet through the temple. It’s get’s unable to bare but so far it makes me pass out after several hours of suffer. Right now I can think and write after it passed me out sometime yesterday. Now I live in fear of it coming on real strong. This fear is hard for me as I do not feel fear of things normally. Two childhood trauma’s instilled fear into me. Two dog serious dog attack’s developed fear of dog’s into me between 3 and 4 years old that I conquered very quick then a bad fire I put out at 11years old inside a small cabin my little brother and I had behind the main house we lived in a lot of the time. Providing this cabin was a very effective plan for my parents to have privacy for sex which I respected. Even quite young I knew what was going on with them in that area and there were other rules in place that kept my little brother and I out of the house. If it’s good enough weather outside we were required to be outside and we loved being outside. Even if it felt too cold in winter once out we could not come back in for at least two hours being too cold was not a reason to enter early that was honored.  I have been painfully cold several times in my life. I am not dragging out stories very far hoping to keep things interesting. I would sometimes like to keep going and would link to more on a subject only I don’t know how.    White  Roses Rambling About Giving Beauty Proudly Stop And Pop Stop And Pop Sunrise Trumpets Pop Pop  Constellated Horn Bells Exchanging Brilliant Orange Reflected Light Just As The Rose Ornamented  Miles Of  Cobblestone Awe Exhaust Away Blaring Into Breathtaking Trained Trumpet Vines That  Are Best Un-Missed

I have observed a lot of change in the pattern of life that adolescents follow over my time of life. I am 63 here in 2021 and subtracting 63 will reveal my birth year of 1958. It was 6am that 23rd of June in Pittsfield IL when I first sensed light upon exiting the dark chamber of development. John William Curry Sr is who began life in that, segment of time. TIME: This perpetualy moving invisible multi-processing machine developed to measure the past and future. I think a lot about time. One thing that poped into my imagination was seeing the future flowing into the intake of time passing through Changing then out the exhaust. I record this as a variable where I will refer to the Past at times,as The "Exhaust of Time" "Times Exhaust"and some others. It looks like a jet engine,just a big round tube with a spinning turbine blower pumping air needed to combust liquid kerosene fuel through the tube and believe me the air speed flowing in through it's front end is slow compared to air's velocity exiting it's rear. All engins that combust liquid fuel are air pumps. One simple thing about engines is that Air has a constant pressure of 14.7 PSI pounds per square inch. We do not feel the pressure of air against us as the pressure is the same inside but take a piece of steel that is a one inch x one inch square that weighs 14.7 pounds and with one arm on a table stand it on there with your free hand then you will feel a quite strong painful push and would gain an appeciation of psi in terms of power. What can be done with only 1 square inch and only 14.7 lbs of force from earth's atomospheric pressure? Well, only double that piece of steel's weight and you would be thinking lets get this off quick. Wouldn't have to add many more pounds and it would push through the flesh. Air pumps raise the pressure of air mechanicly by compressing it very hard into a small closed chamber. I am using automobile engines in this explantion of increasing pressure to high levels of power, capable of doing an outragous amount of work from a tiny amount to start with. Only 1 little square inch and a measly 14.7 psi. Multiplication capability here is great, we are taking a small number and making it much larger. I am going to use real numbers from my 406 cubic inch displacment Chevrolet engine I built for my 1974 Z 28 4-speed Camaro drag racing car back around 1998 about 450 Horse Power that could pull 3600 pounds one quarter of a mile in around 11.5 seconds. For me this is quick as I care to be moving it could barely get slowed down enough to make the first turn off back to pit area. I made several modification's to increase air flow capability as close to 100 % as I knew how, likely ending in early 90s. I modified the air flow ports through the cylinder heads with air grinders and sanders, larger and shaped better, added an aluminum racing intake manifold and used 1-5/8 diameter exhaust headers. I don't want to get to far into things but just an fyi about exhaust headers advantage, all of the tubes routing exhause gas out are the same length (factory pipes are all different lengths) being the same length, all pressures are equal in flow speed and volume all nice and smooth unlike the constantly changing factory units, we can get near 30 horsepower here and another thing choosing the optimum diameter headers is critical.

The carburetor only does 2 basic things 1 Meter fuel 2 Control air flow. If the carb. is correctly sized in CFM cubic feet per minute and metering jets are proper size then the air and fuel will be mixed together at 14.7 parts air to 1 part gasoline into a vapor. Commonly called a 14 to 1 ratio 14:1. A/F Ratio air fuel.This is optimum ratio for complete combustion of liquid fuel. I installed an Oxygen sensor into exhaust flow connected to a milivolt meter when 200 Mv was displayed A/F was correct. Mid-eighties I think is when car's started the electonic engine managment. The O-2 sensor monitors exhaust gas temperature by converting heat to an electical signal. 200 Mv milivolt signal tells the computer fuel combustion is normal. If it goes higher this tells the computer not enough fuel is being supplied because the exhaust temperature has raised. If it goes lower it is saying too much fuel is present though this is rare to happen it does. One case I recall. The water temperature control thermostat stuck in the open postition not allowing water to heat up to proper operating temperature which told a temperature sensor to signal the computer the engine is not warmed up yet deliver more fuel to run a cold engine. This is all really long ago and my memory does experience recollection difficulties as I am quite ill in high levels of pain continually and to fail mentally as a result though I value fact and truth to no end I will not steer wrong knowingly. I used a .030 over 400 small block Chevy with the longer sroke crank of 3-3/4" went with the longer 5.7 350s rod a KB Hyperutectic trick piston allowing extra rod length capability reducing rod angle sharpness when crank throw is at 90 degrees and 1.6:1 ratio rockers on intake and exhaust valves, stock is 1.5:1. This is a very effective trick for extra power. I am just going from memory from many years ago when all this took place. I had built many stock engines before but this was my first high performance engine build. I always dreamed of drag cars and engines since childhood going to the drag races watching a pure white awesome 57 Chevrolet 4-Gear Stand up on it's ass end hitting all 4 gears! I love torque. Blasting out of the hole this gold van pulls up into a 65-70 degree wheelie packing it's V8 completly down the quarter mile that nice day at Lee Co Dragway back in the 60s In current (western) culture, more and more people are searching for a connection with the divine within themselves instead of a connection with an external almighty power. These 3 lines are from a

[djesusgetnaked]

100 questions

@missmendelsohn did it, and I just woke up and need to do something unproductive, so here I am !

1. What is your nickname? Swannou, Swanny. Pretty classics after Swann, I guess. Little Shit, too (kinda relate to this one a bit too much).

2. How old are you? 23 in 6 days. 

3. What is your birth month? June baby.

4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini (the best, fight me on this).

5. What is your favorite color? Purple. Sexiest color ever.

6. What’s your lucky number? 8.

7. Do you have any pets? Yes. I kinda have a cat at my mother’s, a cat at my father’s, but mostly I have MY cat living with me and she’s the best. (Brb, I need to cuddle her now.)

8. Where are you from? Paris, France.

9. How tall are you? 5′5″

10. What shoe size are you? 7. I have very long feet ahah.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? In my living flat I have three. But in total I have... like eight ?

12. Are you random? Totally. I’m random and chaotic. You never know what’s going to happen in my brain. Hell, I don’t even know.

13. Last person you texted? A friend.

14. Are you psychic in any way? I don’t know how to answer to this one. It may seem that my grand mother has some weird powers or I don’t know, and it runs in our family, but I never believed in those things. Though I’m a really intuitive person.

15. Last TV show watched? Law and Order: Svu & Friends. Yes at the same time. I can stare at pretty ADA Barba, and relax with Friends when SVU is too hard.

16. Favorite movie? Reservoir Dogs by Quentin Tarantino.

17. Favorite show from your childhood? I’d say... Les mystérieuses cités d’or, I don’t know the title in English.

18. Do you want children? Nah. Already have my little sister and my little brother, I’m fine. (But I’ve already have my kids’ names, so… you never know !)

19. Do you want a church wedding? Nope nope. I don’t want a wedding at all, and even less a church one.

20. What is your religion? None.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Too many times for my liking. I hate hospitals.

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law? Tricky question ! It seems that I’ve trouble doing legal stuff, but funny enough I’ve never been arrested. I’m a white female who’s cute, I’m okay with the cops.

23. How is life? Life is a bitch. Queen of the bitches. 

24. Baths or showers? Showers in a daily basis, but I need a bath once in awhile. 

25. What color socks are you wearing? One is blue and the other is purple. Because my socks are orphan and almost never match. 

26. Have you ever been famous? I’m famous in my head, does it count ? But I was pretty popular in school.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? As I want to work in the cinema area, it’d be great please.

28. What type of music do you like? I’ve been raised with rock and punk. I also like alternative, pop, blues, jazz, electro, dubstep. I’m kinda open to anything (but I have a hard time with rap and reggae).

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yeeees. It’s the best !

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 6 ahahah. But it’s too many for me, I just use 2.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I really don’t know. I’m too knackered when I fall asleep to notice.

32. How big is your house? Very very small. I don’t know how we manage to live at three in this.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Nothing. I’m sleeping for breakfast, and I’m too poor to eat (I swear it’s true, I eat once every two days, I’m starving please help).

34. Have you ever left the country? Yup.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yup again.

36. Do you like anyone? Hmm. I don’t know ? I have some crushes, but liking really strong anyone, I don’t think so.

37. Favorite swear word? I’m a very vulgar person (and I use fancy words at the same time). Putain (the f-word in French) is kinda an easy one. My favorite is maybe “nique ta mère la pute” (please don’t try to translate this one). And I get pretty inventive like “bordel de cul de nouilles” (this one is more funny than very vulgar) or “oh bordel ta grand-mère en string de guerre sur qui je fais du rodéo” when I hurt myself (this one is absurd too).

38. When do you fall asleep? Between 3am and 6am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

39. Do you have any scars? Many.

40. Sexual orientation? Bisexual.

41. Are you a good liar? It really depends on the situation, but I can be. I’m good at inventing believable stories, but my eyes are too expressive. 

42. What languages would you like to learn? Spanish.

43. Top 10 songs?

44. Do you like your country? Yes and no. Paris is a beautiful city, can’t deny that. But I want to get out of here. 

45. Do you have friends on the web? Oh yes. FRIENDS EVERYWHERE MY FRIEND.

46. What is your personality type? ENTP and ENFP, it changes when I do the test several times.

47. Hogwarts house? Gryffondor, and so proud of it !!

48. Can you curl your tongue? No, and I’m very complexed about it ahah (no it’s not true).

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to. Danny Rayburn, hands up. For so so so many reasons.

50. Left or right handed? Both eheheh, I write with the left, but also can write with the right. And I almost everything with both.

51. Are you scared of spiders? Spiders are my friends.

52. Favorite food? Humans. Soup and ham.

53. Favorite foreign food? I’d say vietnamese food, but I’ve been raised with asian food (as my father is Cambodian).

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Most a clean than messy, even if I can be lazy and just do nothing. But my roommates are very messy, so it’s a messy place.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Ahahah I would so do the helicopter dick. But I wouldn’t do anything different from what I usually do. I’m a woman, and proud of it, but I relate more to a man. Idk, it’s weird.

56. What color underwear? My boxers are currently the American flag, so blue and red and white.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 minutes, with a shower.

58. Do you have much of an ego? Oh yes... I don’t think I’m arrogant or what, but I have a big ego.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I don’t suck or bite lollipops, unless I’m trying to tease someone.

60. Do you talk to yourself? No I don’t.

61. Do you sing to yourself? When there’s music playing.

62. Are you a good singer? SKIP THIS ONE. NO. I’M AWFUL.

63. Biggest fears? Slug, pregnant women (I know it’s weird, but have you seen Alien ? okay), and being abandoned. 

64. Are you a gossip? A few years ago people gossiped about me, and it didn’t feel good at all. It was awful. People are mean. So no, I don’t.

65. Are you a grammar Nazi? Kind of, but I try to shut it down because people don’t like it.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Very short, boyish style.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Lol no. I can’t name the regions of France so...

68. Favorite school subject? It depended on the year. Sport, English, Italian, Math, Biology, History. I liked school.

69. Extrovert or introvert? Extrovert, without a doubt.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes. But I have trouble to breath. 

71. What makes you nervous? Life. Lol it’s sad.

72. Are you scared of the dark? I love dark.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I used to do it a lot. I still want to. I don’t do it because I don’t want to get punched.

74. Are you ticklish? It depends on the person, but mostly no.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Ne-ver.

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Oh yes. Turning 18 didn’t change a lot for me.

78. Have you ever done drugs? Yup.

79. What do you fantasize about? Being fucking happy.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Really really bad. My accent in Italian is awful.

82. How fast can you type? It’s funny because I type with only two fingers (my indexes), like old persons and it makes people laugh. But I type really fast though. 

83. How fast can you run? It’s been awhile since I’ve run. But I used to run very fast.

84. What color is your hair? Black. Very very dark hair.

85. What color are your eyes? Brown, and very dark too.

86. What are you allergic to? Insect bite. It’s ugly.

87. Do you keep a journal? Nah. My writings talk for me.

88. Are you depressed about anything? About life. I’m borderline and bipolar, so I’m kinda depressed like all the time ? Ahah.

89. Do you like your age? No it sucks. Like I’m still so young but everyone excepts me to have a perfect built up life ? Wtf.

90. What makes you angry? Being woken up because my roommates are too noisy.

91. Do you like your own name? Yes.

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? What ???

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? A cat, a dog, a panther, a baby lion, a llama.

94. What talents do you have? Writing, I guess ?

95. Sun or moon? Both.

96. How did you get your name? My parents are good with giving names.

97. Are you religious? I’ve been raised with catholic values, but no I’m not.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Too many.

99. Color of your bedspread? Dirty.

100. Color of your room? Messy.

It was so long. Not tagging anyone, just do it if you want.

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

February 9, 2021

LET'S PLAY THE 'IMPEACH A.G. SEAN REYES' GAME

Here's something fun to keep you busy while waiting for vaccines. It's a brand new game called, “Impeach Sean Reyes,” and it's fun for the whole family. Each player gets a little icon representing a Utah Republican lawmaker to scoot around the board following the Utah Attorney General to places like Cartagena, Colombia, where he looks for prostitutes and child traffickers. Then take a ride with him on a boat in the jungle with a camera crew looking for young kidnapped girls. Spin the wheel and your off with Sean to the Sundance Film Fest in Park City, where he goes from party to party in a Hawaiian shirt looking for young women wearing badges that say, “I'm a Call Girl.” Spin the wheel again and you go with Sean to Reno, Nev. to find those bastards mailing in ballots from dead people and Cocker Spaniels. Watch him tweet that he saw “irregularities” and “the election is being stolen.” Spin the wheel again and see Sean join 16 other red state attorneys general endorsing a Texas suit to invalidate election results in four battleground states. Spin again and watch as Rep. Andrew Stoddard, D-Sandy, sponsors a bill aimed at impeaching AG Reyes. Land on the bonus square and join thousands who signed a petition for his ouster. Is this fun, or what?

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM

LIKE MARJORIE (Taylor Greene)

OK, Wilson play“How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria” from The Sound of Music as background for this segment...

Mean Majorie Taylor Greene ain't goin' nowhere. In fact, she may be the new face of angry Trumpism. Kevin McCarthy, the Republican House Minority Leader, tiptoed through landmines to get Greene from blowing herself up last week. Notorious for conspiracy theories and advocating hanging House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for treason, the 46-year-old Georgia QAnon storm trooper pirouetted away from an intra-party showdown with a non-apology: “I was allowed to believe things that weren't true.” McCarthy's minimizing of Greene's insurrectionist bluster made up in bullshit what it lacked in art. But Democrats — who don't appreciate calls for hanging the Speaker of the House  — stripped her of committee assignments in a move that could set up Majorie d'Arc as the heroine for aggrieved white people. It's very much NOT like The Sound of Music where Julie Andrews rescues the Trapp family from Nazis with heart-warming songs: “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” it is not. How do you solve a problem like Majorie Taylor Greene? Well, first you gotta talk her language, like that little ditty from Lord of the Rings — “Where There's a Whip, There's a Way.”

THE INSURRECTION WASN'T SO BAD

Them Democrats and liberals are whining and wringing their hands over that little melee at the Capitol  — but think about it, was it really so bad? Only five people were killed — heck, that's a good day in Chicago. Yeah, so 80 Capitol cops were injured along with 65 D.C. police, but it's kinda their fault — they should've got out of the way of all them patriots. All they wanted was to take their country back because... well, you know... OK, some were chanting hang Pence and hang Pelosi, but that's just 'cause they were caught up in the excitement. Like how often do you get to follow the commander-in-chief's orders to march into Congress and kick some ass. Some of these pundit types called it a Coupe De Ville. But what does that mean anyway? It's just more fancy talk them liberal elites use to show off. And then they put Donald Trump on trial for “incitement of insurrection.” Bull Pucky. Sure, Republicans, like Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, said Trump's responsible, but later sang a different tune: “I don't believe he provoked it.” It's not against the law to change your mind, is it? And here's the kicker: Sen. Rand 'I'm Brilliant' Paul says it don't matter 'cause Trump is now at Mar-A-Lago and all bets are off, 'cause at Mar-A-Lago there are no laws.

Post script — Well sports fans, that's just about it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of misinformation and sheer bullshit coming from Fox News so you don't have to. Hey Wilson, do you and the guys in the band know what's greater than 700 but less than 800 since the election of President Joe Biden? Nope, it's not the amount of beers you all drank. It's the number of times someone at Fox News said Trump won the election or that the election was stolen, according to Media Matters. So, if you were an aggrieved white American who got all their news from Fox — because the rest of the media is Fake News — what would you think if the very sincere Sean Hannity told you over and over that the presidency was stolen and democracy was in serious jeopardy. As it turns out, our democracy was in danger, in part because Fox became the national propaganda machine for a would-be dictator. For Fox and owner Rupert Murdoch, an Aussie by way of the U.K., it's all about money. He built a huge, international empire by peddling sleaze, fear and hatred. So what do you do when a media mogul exploits the First Amendment for big bucks at the expense of our national wellbeing? It calls for something like a vaccine because Rupert and his gang of fear mongers are a dangerous disease.

OK Wilson, law enforcement has arrest about 200 insurrectionists from Jan. 6. Some have said Trump made them do it. What do you and the band have for them:

Well, I went home with the waitress The way I always do How was I to know She was with the Russians, too I was gambling in Havana I took a little risk Send lawyers, guns and money Dad, get me out of this I'm the innocent bystander Somehow I got stuck Between the rock and the hard place And I'm down on my luck And I'm down on my luck Now I'm hiding in Honduras I'm a desperate man Send lawyers, guns and money The shit has hit the fan

(Lawyers, Guns and Money — Warren Zevon)