#it’s kind of unfair of me but if i don’t feel comfortable telling my name to someone i avoid being around them

[daisychainsandbowties]

Wouldnt it be easier if you just changed your name legally to the one you preferred, unless you dont want to thats also fine

yeah irish law has no rules for how to change your name like you just decide to. to prove it to legal bodies & stuff there’s a few steps & a small fee & i haven’t tried it but it seems simple.

legal gender is pretty much the same but it’s only male/female as far as i know (TENI are advocating to change that & currently if you’re under 16 legally changing your gender is impossible. don’t let the name laws fool you btw trans care here sucks and needs a massive overhaul. there’s like a 5 year waiting list for HRT & we have no surgeons in the healthcare service who can perform gender affirming surgeries)

but anyway yeah i could & i might but like i said my deadname just gets a blank stare from me it doesn’t make me feel bad enough that i’m in a great hurry plus i’m still shielding i guess? being out out is relatively new to me & there’s LOTS of people i’m not out to. & yeah casper is not a name that i generally look like i belong to (it’s a weird name & i mean,,, i most commonly get gendered as “child” so 🫤) it outs me at the get-go

but i’m also. that’s me! so yeah it would take me a very short time to change my name if i decided to (at least in terms of paperwork & then i’m a pestering little bastard when i want a legal thing done plus my childhood best friend is an entire solicitor (like a lawyer but boring lol) so she could probably help me.) idk it’s more a souce of…. i don’t know amused indifference to me right now? which i know is kind of dumb and i’m a pro at not making eye-contact w how i actually feel about stuff. there’s an element of normal to it though bc i have never ever related to my name or liked people saying it (the fucking euphoria, by the way, of hearing people say a name that means you 🫠🫠🫠)

this is why i refer to myself in the third person sometimes on here btw i just like writing and looking at my name. most days i have it written in the crook of my elbow in blue ballpoint pen. djdbdbdbdb one day someone’ll mistake it for a tattoo & be like “ha is that your ex?” and i’ll say “no it’s me i’m in love with myself actually” and it’ll sound so fucking dumb but maybe it’ll also be true

[mikanotes]

teach me ft. eunhyuk x gn!reader

genre: angst/comfort (?) established relationship (?) warnings: sweet home 3 spoilers, nothing much just not my best fic Sorry!!! possibly super ooc eunhyuk author’s note: not much insp so this isn’t my best! the season was pretty good though so. yeah! have this because i love eunhyuk and i missed him a lot.

summary: What do you do when the fight is over? When the person you were looking for comes back with half of his self missing?

“You know I could be of use to you, right?”

“How?”

You groan in annoyance, tilting your head back. The sky is clear and the streets are quiet. This doesn’t quite feel like the ultimate perfect ending, it doesn’t quite feel like peace, but it’s a kind of calm you won’t take for granted. You look back up and continue walking.

“You’re missing tons of emotions. Trust me, there’s no one better than me to help you relearn them.” you say, attempting a dramatic salesman kind-of tone but failing miserably. You hear Eunhyuk scoff and think it was a bit of a victory, anyways.

“That sounds believable.”

“It is!” you insist, jogging up to him, “I swear we were dating before you went off and died.”

“I know.”

“That’s insane. You— I mean, you didn’t forget things, so then you must know this isn’t how you treat the person you’re dating after not seeing them for over a year. Surely.”

Eunhyuk turns to look at you. “The person you’re dating? We’re still together?”

“I mean, it’s not like I ever gave up on you.” you say, crossing your arms. He stares at you blankly for a couple more seconds before looking ahead again.

“Sounds like a waste of time.”

You sigh and let your expression fall for a second before fixing it. When your gaze falls on Eunhyuk again, his own expression has changed ever-so-slightly. There’s a crease between his eyebrows and his eyes are squinting a little, with a familiar tilt of his head. Then he blinks and returns to this neutral expression of his. “Is it not?”

“What else do you have to do with your time?”

“Finding others—”

“—Like you. Sixteenth time you say this, by the way,” you scoff, walking ahead of him. “You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”

Your eyes are burning a little bit. No, none of this feels victorious. To hell with a final battle, with everyone escaping, with everything. Nothing has changed. All that’s good is Eunhyuk being alive and he only feels like half of himself.

The worst part is that he acts the same as he used to. To the detail. It’s so obviously him that it almost hurts— All his actions just miss the hidden emotions he always kept close to his heart. Now it all feels empty.

Eunhyuk says your name and your heart feels like it stops. Just for a moment. You turn to see him catch up to you and slow at your side.

“This thing,” he says, and pulls out a necklace from a pocket inside his coat, “It’s yours.”

You blink. “… Yeah. It is.”

He looks at the piece of jewelry, holding it up by the chain like some kind of random thing he found on the street, before tossing it around his hand and grabbing the pendant in his palm.

“She said to use memories to relearn emotions,” he recalls quietly, then turns to look at you, “What do you think?”

“You tell me. Do your memories help?”

“I remember caring about you.”

You stare at him dead in the eye and barely blink at all for a few seconds. He does, and tilts his head again.

“What is it?”

“Why am I the only one still in love? That’s really unfair.” you huff.

“Don’t cry.”

“I’m not.”

“I said I remember everything, why are you trying to fool me? You always made this exact same face when you tried to hold back your tears,” he states, “I know this much.”

You heave a deep sigh and crouch down on the ground, covering your face with your hands. He’s right. It’s starting to make you angry. It really is him. It’s as if part of you was still trying to believe it wasn’t really Eunhyuk, that he was pretending not to feel emotions anymore. But it really hits you this time, that he’s simply lost that part of himself. You should be grateful that’s all he lost in the process of his rebirth, but you miss him. You miss him so much it hurts.

“I told you not to cry,” he sighs, and the closeness of his voice indicates he moved to your level, “What’s the point?”

“I miss you.”

“I’m right here.”

You shake your head.

“…If it’s making you this sad, then alright. Help me relearn them. Emotions,” he says. You take a deep breath and look up slowly. He’s waiting, crouching in front of you, a casual expression on his bloody face. “I’m a quick learner.”

“Okay. I’m bad at teaching though, I totally lied earlier. Promise not to leave me.”

“I have no reason to anymore. Besides…” he trails off, gaze averting. “…”

Lee Eunhyuk is more confused than he’d like to admit. He doesn’t feel emotions anymore, and he doesn’t feel any attachment to them either. There’s little hints of them, however, here and there. He sees you in pain and there’s a slight discomfort in his chest, reminiscent of a time long gone. He sees that necklace and picture and wonders why he bothers carrying them around, still. He sees the road ahead of him and acknowledges that he’s… Just a bit lost.

What now?

“… It’s for the best I stay with you,” he says, blinks, then looks at you again, “I think.”

“You think?”

“That’s the best I can give you.” He smiles, a bit tightly, and the grimace you make in return before scoffing out a laugh tells him he must not be doing a great job at this whole thing. He gives up for now.

“Let’s find somewhere safe to stay first.”

“Anywhere is safe as long as you stay with me.”

You give him an expression of irritation that he doesn’t really understand and get up, immediately beginning to walk away. “Don’t say things like that! You’re making me hope! Shut up!”

He gets up slowly and follows you. “It’s true, though.”

“Shut up!”

[thefirstforgottenpages]

Her Favorite Flavor

a/n: i don’t know what possesses me to suddenly find the urge to write before I have classes starting back up but yk 🙏🏾

summary: Comforting your girlfriend Rhea after the unfair loss of her title, you feel the need to divert her mind in some way, even if your distraction involves getting a bit handsy…

Warnings: Soft!dom Rhea, tad bit of angst, hurt comfort, oral! reader receiving, praise, dirty talk, overstimulation.

“And what if I never get my damn title back?” Rhea says softly to you, uncharacteristically vulnerable after her shocking loss. You only sigh, continuing to rub her back soothingly as you stroke her hair. “Like hell that would happen.” you murmur back to her. Your heart lurches painfully when all you receive back is a small watery chuckle that sounds more forced than it should. “Oh Rhea… honey” you trail off, pulling her muscular frame closer to your chest. You offhandedly muse to yourself that you were going to kill Dom, but continue to comfort your girlfriend.

“I just thought—hoped that everything would be back to normal by now.” Rhea drawls her voice now hazily stoic. “I do too hon.” you agree, pressing a small kiss to the corner of her mouth. You smile as a soft blush flushes onto Rhea’s cheeks and she brings one of her hands up to cover her face. “Need a distraction?” you tease from underneath her as you pull her into you. Rhea’s aussie accent takes on a low attractive grumble as she growls out “God yes.”

“Thought so.” you laugh softly as you kiss at any bare skin you can reach. “you’re so pretty Rhea.” You nearly whisper to her adoring the way she grins at your words. “You’re too kind.” is all she shyly replies with. And you blink owlishly down at her when she begins to lower herself to the junction of your thighs. Rhea quirks her brow at you when you silence waiting for her to start the inevitable, “Keep talking sweetheart.” She coos to you and you gasp as she rids you of your shorts and panties in one simple drag. 

“Oh— I, well…I you’re s-so strong for starters.” you stutter out. And you can feel how Rhea smiles into your cunt, her ego no doubt already blooming. She lets out a pleased little noise that vibrates to your clit, your already reaching out for her with shaky hands, overwhelmed by how good she could play your body. Your breath hitches before you continue your warbled praises. “You’re so—mmm there— headstrong too.” you sigh, outstretched hands coming to thread themselves in her longer hair. 

“Stubborn almost.” you giggle but it quickly turns to a yelp as Rhea flattens her tongue against your hole crudely in protest. You whine her name as she chuckles deeply.

“V-Very determined—“ you cut yourself off with a whimper as Rhea slides two fingers into your pussy, curling them expertly and immediately there’s a telling little tightness deep in your core. “And you’re very warm.” Rhea groans languid, as your cunt tightens around her fingers. She watches as your whole frame shudders needily and she can’t help but admire the view. All thoughts leave Rhea’s brain however, when your plush thighs wrap around her head and squeeze. At this Rhea lets out an unrestrained whine of her own as her free hand comes to promptly grip at your thighs, no longer leaving marks in the shape of her nails.

Your mouth drops open as you make eye contact with her. Rhea looked simply pussy drunk and debauched in how her brows furrowed, eyes rolled slightly as the blush from her cheeks spread to her ears and neck. “Fuckkk!”  Is all you can wail as Rhea adds another finger to your now sopping heat. Your breath comes out choppy as you attempt to speak. “Did I also ever tell you how much I love you?” You giggle, and Rhea only hums noncommittal continuing to pleasure you. 

“So good t’me Rhe.” you purr out her nickname sultry, and in response, Rhea taps her tongue smugly against your throbbing heat. Keening, your back bows off the bed, canting your hips to meet her ministrations. “I’m gonna cum.” you pant whimpering. Rhea groans at your admission “Fucking finally. I need you.” She grunts and the words go straight to your center. And all of a sudden, she pressing all the right places inside of you, your hips squirming from how intense the pleasure feels. 

“Oh Rhea!” you wail out brokenly, clinging onto her built shoulders as she works you through your high, her tongue piercing catching on your clit oh so addictively. You simper as Rhea crawls over you, caging you between her and the bed as she lowered herself on her biceps to give you a biting kiss. You barely hear her hushed tone as your legs wrap around her waist. 

“You taste divine.”

[mayumml]

Midori is not a good lover

The REAL Sou Hiyori relationship headcanons <3

first off, you don’t know if he genuinely likes you or not and most likely will never be sure 

Maybe you’re a piece of pawn in his stupid chess game but what can you do?

Midori manipulates and gaslights you just like with anyone else, you’re the primary victim that receives most of it though

He seems like a man that didn’t have a heart, and he literally doesn’t 

Feels like he doesn’t know how to act in a relationship or more like he doesn’t care enough to

You think he’d choose his work over you anytime 

He’s so on and off with his affection

He treats you like everyone else, particularly more strict with you sometimes and scolds you more often than the other participants

This fucker is adamant about “being fair to all participants and not letting a personal relation change that” and yet you feel like he’s being the most unfair to you

Even more passive aggressive when it comes to you, he loves to bring up the past and laugh when you get pissed

But then sometimes, he would appear out of nowhere and gives you a quick peck

You’d expect him to be open to PDA, and yet he only ever initiates (and allows) any affection when it’s just the two of you 

You’re conflicted, though, at certain times he’ll choose a timing where most of everyone is gathered in one place and approach you with the most affection you’ll ever receive from him

He makes sure everyone is looking, maybe it’s his way of showing his twisted sense of superiority?

Midori very quickly reverts back to ignoring you if he is satisfied 

You learn that he is extremely possessive

Yes, you get fed up with his shit many times and he knows it well

Does he ever apologize? Never. 

Like ever. 

You could confront him, but he’ll give you the same saccharine smile and feigns innocence

“What’s wrong with me showing my lover off to everyone? Does that upset you?” 

When you try to explain that’s not why you’re upset, he convinces you that you’re overreacting and somehow makes you seem like the bad guy for “not wanting to be seen with him.” (bitchass) 

Weirdly loves small talk 

Midori would interrogate you whenever he pleases and ask about your favorite color to wear on a rainy day 

You cant tell if he really cares about your responses at all because he just stands there and blinks with his smile and throws follow up questions at you

Kind of feels like he wants to know everything about you but also nothing at the same time 

Remembers small, itty bitty details about you

It’s endearing but also freaks you out because he remembers which angle you prefer to wear your collar

Very touchy when he wants to be, but acts like a jerk when he decides he doesn’t feel like it 

Limited use of pet names because he prefers calling you by your name 

Will call you sweetheart (mockingly most of the time), “my favorite participant,” or a shortened version of your name

Likes to receive but doesn’t give, unless he needs something

You don’t know why you’re still with him 

Midori is very good at making you feel special but also worthless

Will give you overly expensive presents that you don’t need and stare at your reaction as you open them 

(does he think this makes up for his neglect as a partner?)

Very likely to give you jewelry with his initials, he might have one with your initials but won’t wear it 

Sucks at comforting

He actually just doesn’t comfort at all

He makes things worse when you’re upset 

“You’re crying? Humans really are sentimental beings, after all. I guess crying is all that you’re capable of.” 

Let you play and style with his hair in private 

Gets defensive and change the subject when you mention Shin’s history with him

Avoids personal questions like the plague 

Actively tries to poke into every corner of your life. Boundaries? What’s that?

Not a very good partner, he’s just not a good person in general

Midori rarely mentions your relationship in front of the other participants, but when he does, he refers to you as his lover

Will pair you with him with the red light, he knows you don’t have the guts to kill him 

Urges you on to kill him way too often 

He gives you a smug knowing grin and a kiss when you can’t do it

Don’t try to physically hurt him, it turns him on (he won’t hesitate to break your arm)

Remember when I said he’s very possessive? 

Fucker treats you like an object

no one takes what belongs to him

Won’t be the type to defend you and won’t fight if someone hits on you

He would direct the conversation elsewhere and weird out whoever it is somehow (always works) 

Shows up a few days later with news that the attacker mysteriously jumped of a building (willingly?) 

His romantic side is very unconventional

“Would you love me even if I was a worm?” 

“Worms are rather dirty and invasive, are they not? I’d rather not deal with a pest, thanks.” 

[cattlemons]

hi :)) a bit of a personal request but could i get wanderer comfort for a fem or g/n reader? (your choice) i have a...difficult relationship with my father. when he's sad/angry/upset he usually takes his frustration out on me by yelling at me and calling me names and other hurtful things. then when i cry he tells me that I'm pretending to be a victim, and blames me entirely for his feelings. i just had a sitution like this earlier tonight so its on my mind :) anyway, could i get wanderer comfort for a situation like this? or if this is too specific maybe where reader just doesn't get along with their father? thanks sm <33333

A Salve For Unhealed Wounds

TW: Toxic dad, name calling by a parental figure, emotional distress and familial conflict, crying in public, there's a swear word in there, 1,5k words

a.n. Nonnie, sorry for the wait :( I had an exam and couldn't be on here at all (also left you a short message at the bottom)

It happened again. 

The man you were supposed to trust with your life yelled at you again. Your heart aches at the implication that the weight of his love for you changes depending on the emotion reigning his mind and heart. Your mind crumbles when it recollects the words he spat out so easily when red paints his iris. 

It wouldn’t have hurt as much if he’s always this way. It hurts because you’ve seen the smile that escapes his guarded heart on rare occasions. You’ve also heard him say good things and do good deeds the way an honorable man would–when he’s not mad that is.

It’s unfair that he can’t always be that way with you.

You took off towards the Puspa Cafe, hoping the bustle of Sumeru evening would be the cooling salve you need to soothe your battered mood. 

Yeah, that’s a good idea.

Entering the establishment, scents of coffee and spice filled your nostrils as ease settled between the spaces of your bones. The balmy yellow and brown hues greeted your weary state as the inviting warmth of the cinders burning in the oven beckons you to rest. You made the right call to come here tonight.

Or, so you thought.

Despite being on good terms with the otherwise lonesome man, you did not want to see the infamous hat guy; not tonight. It’s less about his presence and more about yours. The dynamic between the two of you is akin to that of a flying serpent and a scorpion. You’d take frequent jabs at each other, flinging teasing remarks and poking fun at one another but somehow, in a very weird roundabout way, there’s always a sincere sort of care behind it all. 

Right now, however, you don’t think you have it in you to take what you know he can dish. You did get lucky and got a secluded seat, you just hope he does not notice you here. 

“What are you doing here, prickly bush,” he called out to you just as your train of thought chugged away to somewhere beyond the oak doors of the cafe.

Right, so much for peace of mind.

You turn towards him, the frown that began dissipating moments ago returning in full force. Grumbling before speaking, you let out, “Not today, please, I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh yeah, someone’s definitely a prickle bush right now.”

You were at a crossroads between telling him to leave and bursting into tired tears when he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Your eyebrows scrunched as he sat across you. You looked at him but his eyes were trained away from you, staring at some other patron sitting at the wooden bar just a bit away from the both of you. 

Since when was he a caring man?

Your thoughts and confusion settle into a prolonged silence. You half expected him to grumble out an insult along the lines of “Are your ears clogged” or “Need help finding a hearing aid” but he, surprisingly, sat still; eyes now hopping over to a woman by the door having a conversation with a balding man. 

Is he patient now? What kind of patron-saint bullshit is he pulling?

Not that you’re complaining, though. You much prefer this despite the weirdness of it all; or rather the newness. 

“I’m fine–”

“Don’t lie, if you can’t lie,” he interrupts as he points at your fingers curling in on each other. 

He sure is perceptive when you don’t want him to be.

Silent gathers the both of you in its arms once more as you think of a response to give to him. He’s being kind right now but you don’t feel like divulging everything to him. Your friendship is just beginning to stand on two feet. It’s taking baby steps at best. You don’t want to scare him away by dumping all your shit on him. By the abyssal name, he probably carries more baggage than you and you don’t see him throwing them around.

“You don’t have to tell me, don’t get all constipated just because I asked,” he said before continuing even softer, “You seemed down, just thought it’d be helpful to ask.”

Though you did not notice it at the time, your heart slowly began to lay down the walls you raised from the events that transpired earlier under the roof of your father’s house. 

Perhaps, he can help.

The wanderer was about to take his leave when you whispered with a certain weariness he found familiar, “My father isn’t always a nice man.”

He sat back down as quickly as he could. He probably sat on one of the ornate hanging detailings of his hat or on that long sleeve of his but he couldn’t be bothered by it. Though his eyes look past you, you know his focus is solely on what you have to say.

So, you told him. At first, you tried to be as close to the baseline as possible, choosing to speak of the basic details but soon you choked up and told him everything. Your thoughts, your fears, even your longing for a better version of the father you wanted to look up to, bubbled out of your tired heart. As the night sky grows darker outside, you find yourself slightly teary-eyed as your long story comes towards its end. 

Your eyes were still on your hands that laid on your lap, palms now sweaty from excessive nervous rubbing. You stole a glance at him and, just like you, he barely moved from his previous position. He’s still not looking at you, almost like he’s not listening at all but you know he is. 

It took a beat or two, almost like he was waiting to see if you had more to say before he opened his mouth to speak. 

“You’re kind, you know?”

What?

“I don’t get it. What do you mean ‘I’m kind’?”

“Just that. You’re kind, maybe even too kind.”

You fully looked up at him now to see that his eyes were already on you. 

“I listened to you tell me about the horrible things that man says to you and, yet, you still call him by a title he doesn’t deserve,” before you can question him, he answers, “A dad.”

You’re silent as he continues, “This cruel world decides to give him something so precious and he decides to lie and say all these shitty things. He’s not a good man but he’s dumb too if he’s got something so precious and decides that the best course of action is to call it untrue names. Does he not realize the power a name holds?”

Wet droplets stain your hands and lap as tears fall from your eyelids, lungs heavy, and muscles sagging. 

Taking a look at his surroundings he sighs before taking his hat off and placing it on you.

“I’m sure you don’t want anyone seeing you like this and speaking about it tomorrow, here.”

The tenderness of his voice and action winds your heart up as more choked sobs gurgle out of your throat.

Your neck tightens in protest as you try to speak but you fight the pain of your contracting muscles as you force out, “On a good day I… I know that he's lying… but sometimes I can’t help but think he’s right,” you sniffled and let a wave of uncontrollable sobs pass you by before continuing, “I mean there’s only so much… so much… I can deny before something false starts feeling real.”

Your admission broke the puppet's imaginary heart as he wills himself to hold back his instinct to swing insults and fists at your father. Instead, he chose to let what he supposes are comforting words drown your sorrow. It’s rigid and almost primal the way he tries to soothe your sadness but it's tender and warm in its own way, just as he is. 

“Are you… are you sure he’s wrong? How can you… you be so sure?”

The staccato of your unsure question is met with unwavering eyes as he nods. 

“I’m sure. I wouldn’t have said what I said otherwise.”

You hid your face with your hands as your back slumped forward. The wanderer could see the heaving of your shoulders and he could only comfort you by repeating his praise for you. Much like a devotee chanting his faith, he whispered kind words in hopes that by repeating it, you will believe this too. He hopes he’s done enough to override the names your father engraved into you with angered frowns, at least temporarily. The road to recovery winds away and is far from linear but he's ready to accompany you if you want him to.

As you continue to let out the emotions you thought dried up years ago, you hear him say, “Even if you forget again, just tell me and I’ll remind you that you’re nice, you’re smart and you’re so, so kind.”

Nice, smart, and kind huh? 

You don’t think you can believe it right now but slowly, you hope you will.  

To Nonnie, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope this little piece of fiction brings you some comfort, even if it might not fully capture what you're feeling. If there's anything more I can do to help or if you just need someone to talk to, please let me know.

[the-barricade]

voted most likely to run away with you

rook hunt x reader.

rumours of you two being in a relationship are spreading like wildfire around NRC, how will rook respond?

p.s the reader’s gender is intended to be nondescript, however there is the use of “mon cherie” in this fic because french. sorry.

—————————————

the world was ending.

you were avoiding Rook. How could this ever happen? Well, he had an idea or two. After all, putting in some distance after almost the entire school had started not-so-subtly whispering about you together, wasn’t that unreasonable.

But it was absolutely unfair! And he’d have to put a stop to it, one way or another.

Perhaps he’d just show up to your dorm room at about two in the morning - it’s not like you could avoid him then.

The loud knock on your door scared the life out of you, considering the uncharacteristically early hours. You just had to check the time, and questioned if you should even answer the door, considering it was 1:58. AM. But after a short pause, the knocks continued, so you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and got out of bed.

Oh. Shit.

Rook was there, standing at your door way. And you had a feeling it was going to be awkward, since you hadn’t seen him in a week. Purposefully.

“Hi… what’s up?”

“Just my spirits, mon cherie, seeing your face again has lifted them greatly!”

he was eccentric as ever, but you were pretty used to that. “Oh… thank you. So, did you need anything? You know, it’s kind of late. Or, early, I guess.”

“Ah, yes. I need you.”

“What?”

“I need you to come with me.”

…

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you, it’ll spoil the surprise.”

well, you were already awake. “Okay, I guess I can go with you.”

“Wonderful! You might need this, it’s quite cold at this hour.” He handed you a black jacket, that had your name embroidered in gold on one cuff… and his on the other.

Your cheeks certainly warmed up fast, before you continued on your mystery adventure with Rook.

You had been walking for awhile, in comfortable silence, but when you could no longer keep track of the sheer number of tress you’d counted on the way, you had to ask where you were going. Or if you’d be there in a reasonable amount of time.

But Rook didn’t really give you answer, which made sense within the next few minutes as your walk came to a halt.

You were at a beautiful lake, with water so clear it seemed to glow even in the dark hours.

“Wow, it’s beautiful, how’d you find it?”

“I’m glad you like it. And a hunter must know his hunting grounds.”

“hm, I have to ask through, why’d you take me here at two in the morning?”

“I thought it was the right amount of romance for our first date as a couple. Just us, here, late in the night.”

date? couple?? “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“We’re dating, haven’t you heard, mon cherie?”

“But those are just rumors!”

“They don’t have to be.”

“…are you asking me out?”

“I’d love nothing more than to be yours, if you’ll have me.”

Once again, you started to flush. This was something you’d dreamed of, and now that it was happening you could barely get the words out of your mouth.

“Then I’m yours.”

Rook smiled, and he stared at you for a moment like he was just happy to be there, and then he spoke again. “Perfect. You might want to check your pocket then.”

confused as you were, you put your hands in both pockets of your jacket to check them, and from the left, you pulled out a small promise ring.

He was in it for the long haul.

[seung-mongmong]

Don't ask "What are we?" (part two)

I had some requests to write a part two to the seungmin fanfic inspired by I Like It from the new album, so i'm here to deliver! The part where Seungmin realizes the reader is serious about what they said, and he messed up

Warnings: arguments, fighting, angst and comfort, felix is strung along a bit

Word Count: 1.8k

part one, part two

It had nearly been three weeks. Three weeks of ignoring every call and text that came from Seungmin, blocking him out of your mind to prove you could handle living without him. Now here you were doing your hair and makeup as your phone buzzed next to you. You flipped it over silently so you didn’t have to see his contact appearing again and again. You were set on this, on moving on so he would realize he fucked up.

So here you were, getting ready for a date. After one last glance in the mirror you set your phone on silent and left. Maybe going on a date with someone else while you were still getting over your feelings for Seungmin was a bit unfair, but you needed to start somewhere. Maybe the poor guy you were headed to see would be nice and make you completely forget why you went on a date at all. You checked your phone again to remind yourself of his name, and what restaurant to go to.

When you arrived you already saw your date, Felix, sat at a table with a drink, and you quickly shuffled over to greet him. You took note of the freckles speckled across his cheeks as he began speaking, back and forth between asking about you and telling little stories.

He seemed nice, sweet and polite, and he seemed to be interested in you and what you said. It only made the pit in your stomach worse as you sat there. This guy had no clue you were still stuck on someone else, maybe it wasn’t right to string him along as a rebound. Your finger traced along the rim of the drink you had ordered, barely touched as your date spoke about his sisters. While the beginning of a rainstorm pattered at the windows, all you could think about was Seungmin, and you felt terrible. Finally, you tuned in just in time to hear Felix asking a question.

“Some guy is storming in, he looks super mad…what do you think he’s here for?” he asked, amused

You turned around to see, and your heart sank as you locked eyes with seungmin. You whipped back around to Felix quickly

“I’m so sorry, i need to-” you were cut off when seungmin grabbed your chair to pull it out abruptly. Glaring down at felix

“She has somewhere to be.” he snapped, before turning to you.

You stood up, rage flooding your chest. “Are you kidding me? I’m in the middle of a date, you can’t just barge in!” you shouted at him, and the restaurant went quiet. Your face felt hot as you took in the people staring in your direction. “.....go wait outside if its that fucking important.” you said, staring at him. Seungmin stared back, hesitant to walk out, but did as you said. You turned to look at your date as shame bubbled in your chest

“....i’m sorry about him- we'r ...ex's, kind of- its complicated. A lot of…issues there” you said quietly, moving to sit down.

“Is he why you’ve seemed distracted all night? The way it looks there might still be something there.” he said, leaning forward “I don’t know what's going on but you and him may need to talk”

You sighed, picking up your purse “i’m sorry this didn’t work out, you’re a nice guy-” you started

“Don’t worry about it, just hurry before the rain gets too bad” he said, smiling at you

You sighed when the door to the restaurant shut behind you, the rain already beginning to turn into a downpour. You turned to approach Seungmins car, cheeks red as you felt the anger build up again.

“Seriously Kim?” you half shouted, pushing his shoulder roughly

“You’ve been ignoring my calls for weeks! And then I hear from some friends you’re on a date with some guy? You can’t-” he started

“Oh save it, you don’t own me, I can move on if I want to, I told you we were done!” you began yelling

“Come on- just let me take you to your house and we can talk-” Seungmin put a hand on your shoulder, and you quickly slapped it off.

“For what? So you can get laid and run off before actually being open with me? Yeah right! I can get home by myself.” You huffed, but he grabbed your wrist before you could move.

“In this rain? I don’t think so, get in my car- you don’t need to be such a child about this, if you would hear me out-”

“Hear you out about what? You’ve made it clear what you want from me, and I'm not continuing on like your little sex toy!” You snatched your hand away, and began walking away before he could speak again

Your hair clung to your face as the rain poured over you. You almost couldn’t make out seungmin’s car pulling up to inch along the street with you as you walked. He rolled down his window and leaned out to be heard over the rain,

“Seriously? Storming home in the rain? You’re being childish!” he shouted in your direction, and you scoffed

“Says the one who interrupted my date and threw a fit because I wouldn’t go fuck you!” You shouted back, stopping to turn towards him “You constantly lie and say we’ll talk! You make me think that you feel the same way- that you want more, then you run away before I wake up! I can’t keep doing this!” You yelled.

His car door swung open so fast, you had to take a step back. He stepped out into the rain and approached you, staring down at you with that same look he always had when you’d ask to talk. That cagey, closed off stare, one that immediately told you he didn’t want to discuss anything. It made your blood boil, even after all this, he still wanted to be closed off and heartless to you. You puffed up, nearly shaking with rage

“Seriously? You had no right to pull the shit you did! I am trying to move on because all you want me for is sex, and I can't keep pretending I can live with that! You get off and then pretend we’re barely acquaintances. In all the time we’ve been hooking up, you haven't once even kissed me! If you just want to fuck then this won’t work, because I can’t look at you and act like i don’t wan’t more Seungmin.” You said. All he did was stare down at you, and this time you couldn’t read his expression. You wanted to punch him, standing there all silently while you poured out your heart. You almost couldn’t believe he had you so wrapped around his finger. You lifted a hand to hit him square in the middle of his chest as tears started pouring down your face.

“You won’t even say something while I'm trying to be open and honest! Please just let me go home if you’re going to be an emotionless asshole like always-” you were cut off when you felt him grab your hand and pull you closer, his hold more gentle than you thought him capable of. From so up close you could see how his eyes were watery, like he was also crying.

“...Seungmin?” you spoke softly. He looked like he was fighting with himself, trying to find the words he wanted to say. His hand shook where it held yours as he finally spoke.

“I didn’t want to get attached when this started, I wanted it to be easy and simple, but when you started trying to make things…more romantic, I freaked out because I didn't think you should settle for me. I know it’s not an excuse for acting how I did, but you deserve to know why, at least. And if you really want to stop seeing each other I won't bother you anymore, you deserve to find a good guy…But when you pulled away, I realized I do care about you- I want you around…I love you.”

You stared at him in stunned silence, lip trembling as more tears threatened to spill. You lifted your other hand to hit him on the chest again, laughing weakly

“You couldn’t have said that any sooner before embarrassing me in public? Seriously, you're going to have some serious groveling to do for putting me through all this.” You said, voice trembling, “You better be ready to take me on some real dates to start your actual apology.”

His gaze softened when you spoke, a quiet chuckle rumbling next to your ear as he pulled you into a hug

“We can start tonight after we dry off, with an actual movie night, no funny business.” he promised, leaning back to look at your face. He moved a hand to push your wet hair out of your face, prompting you to look up at him. You could hear the sharp inhale from him before he started to lean down, lips meeting yours in a kiss. You felt giddy, like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. It was almost like you were a kid all over again, experiencing your first crush as butterflies erupted in your stomach. He was so gentle with how he held and kissed you, it was nothing like the Seungmin you had over so many times before. When you both drew back he looked a little dazed, a light flush reaching all the way to his ears as he smiled at you.

A shiver wracked your body as the adrenaline finally wore off, allowing the cold rain to catch up to you.

“I think we need to get you home-” he started, ushering you to the car and letting you in the passenger seat. He rounded the car to hop in the driver's seat, and set off back to your place.

When you had both gotten to your place you immediately dragged out towels and dry clothes to change into, thankful you still had some of the clothes Seungmin had left behind ages ago. Once you were dressed and dry you let seungmin use your bathroom and began to make snacks and set up a movie on your TV. You hadn’t even noticed seungmin emerge until he slid onto the couch next to you, settling in to watch whatever you picked.

He already began picking at the tray of snacks you laid out as you settled into his side, basking in the warmth he provided.

The sounds of the TV did nothing to keep your attention, and as seungmin carefully laid an arm around your shoulders you could feel your eyes slipping shut as sleep overtook you, the slow rise and fall of sungmin's chest lulling you quickly.

You were asleep before you could notice seungmin plant a kiss on top of your head, quietly whispering for you to sleep well

[romanestuffsposts]

I'm scared, first day of school is today and I have a whole new class with people I don't know and my anxiety is really bad now :( I didn't even sleep for more than 4 hours :((

Hi there love! 💜

I’m so sorry you feel that way about your new class! For me the first days in a new year at school is really important because it’ll determinate your whole year so it’s really unfair you feel that!

I know the feelings, two years ago I was the only « old » one with just new people and all my friends from the years before were in another class. I felt like it was really unfair and I felt so much uncomfortable thinking it was on purpose. But I met new people and I create a new group of friends quickly!

I’m really sure you’ll be fine, you just need to know them and see that as a way to make new friends!

But in the meantime, do not worry! I’ve got you ❤️

~

Hi there love! 💜

I’m so sorry you felt so much anxiety and stress for your first day but you did it! You took all the strength you had and you still went! That’s really fantastic and I’m so proud of you for doing that!

School is really important and even if it’s not a safe place for everyone, we sadly have to go.. I’m just so proud of you for getting there beside all the awful feelings you had on you and for fighting through your day there!!

You’re so so strong let me tell you! I know when we’re feeling shitty things like those we don’t feel strong at all, it’s completely the opposite but I’m telling you, you are the strongest because you fought your feelings and show them who decided. AND IT’S NOT THEM!

****

Warnings : stressful, first day at school, scared of disappointing, reassurance, cries, pet names, comfort,

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : A new day at school means that nothign will be easy

A/N : i decided to write those two requests as soon as I saw it in my ask not only because I see myself in the requests but because it’s a new year at school for many people and I feel like maybe others would need comfort about that 💜

****

"princess" your Papa calls. Your eyes are glued to entrance of the school, eyeing all the students around who laugh, speak, read or are on their phone.

It's not a world for you. You're perfectly fine at home with your Daddies and your plushies.

"princess" he calls again causing you to finally turn your attention to him. He tilts his head and smiles "don't stress baby. You'll be perfectly fine! I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends and you'll have so much fun with them"

"Papa's right, baby girl" your Daddy said "school can be boring but when you have a good group of friends who mess around, it's really funny"

Steve glares at his husband and slap the back of his head causing this one to groan "stop putting stupid idea in her head. She's too smart for those kind of things"

"okay okay" Bucky glares as he strokes the back of his head. He turns back to you, his glare changing into a grin as he winks at you. This cause you to smile a bit and relieve some of your stress.

"what if i don't know anyone ?" you shyly ask in a low voice. Your eyes full of fear and worries meet your Daddies's as theirs soften from your words.

They know you're scared of the unknow. And a new day at school is nothing less than an unknow day so of course they knew it'll be scary and not easy for you.

"i'm sure you'll make friends quickly because you have the most kind heart baby. You're shiny, people will want to come an talk to you because from afar we see how lovely and kind you are" your Daddy says, his hand stroking your knee for comfort.

"they will love you, not because of us but because of you" your Papa adds with a loving smile "even our friends love you more than us now that they met you" he teases making you giggle a little "so i'm not worried for that" he quickly adds in a serious but kind tone

"and you shouldn't be either"

You take a breath and nod your head. You get ready to go out of the car but your Papa stops you right before you open the door "you'll be home quicklier than you think" he reassures

And he was right, the day went really fast and before you know it, you were back home "now come sit down and explain to us your day" your Papa says right after he closed the front door.

Your put your coat on the wall and slide out of your shoes and socket, you put them against the wall, beside the others, and make your way toward the couch. You get comfy and wait for your Daddies to join you.

Your Daddy comes back with hot chocolates in his hands, he hands you one, telling you to be careful because it's still hot. Your Papa comes back a little after him with your favorite snacks in his hands. He puts them all in the middle of the couch so everyone can serve themselves easily before sitting down.

"whenever you're ready, beautiful" your Daddy says as he takes a sip of his chocolate. You take one too to prepare yourself, you close your eyes at the perfect taste.

You explain to them how stressful the day actually was. Some students came to talk to you but you were too stress to get a word out of your mouth. You were scared they would called you weird weither it's in their mind or not as they leave because you didn't answered them.

You ate alone which made you want to cry because your Daddies prepared you extra carotts to share with your new friends but you had no one to share it with. You were also sad because you didn't wanted to disappoint them by not making friends to share your meal with.

You quickly started to cried on the couch while explaining. Your Daddies were quick to throw away the things that were around you and to wrap their arms around you.

They rocked you from side to side as you cried your little heart out "shhhh it's okay baby. It was the first day and people are always shy on the first day. There are probably many students who wanted to come to you but were too shy to actually come" your Papa reassures as his hand stroke your back

"Let a few days passed and when people will get more comfortable, they'll come talk to you"

"And we're not disappointed at all princess. We're so proud of you for getting through the days even tho you were feeling like this. You made it 'til the end of this hard day and we are so so proud of you for that! You're super strong"

"a lot stronger than us"

"aww shhh babygirl, Daddies's got you"

"Cry all your little feelings out, we're not going anywhere."

"You stay in our arms for as long as you need"

"we're here with you"

"forever and always"

A few days later, you came back home from school and it was the first time you had a big smile on your face. You explain to your Daddies that you met this girl who had extra tomatos for lunch to share with friends.

And she asked you to share it.

[messymindofmine]

I find it kind of strange how this fandom often deifies Gabriel and Andrea but vilifies Owen. I get that we don’t see as much of Gabriel and Andrea as we do of Owen and Owen as a character is very flawed but still. I get being frustrated with the amount of screentime Owen gets but I still think that a lot of what we see of Owen is interesting. Particularly in s3. That said, we know from Carlos himself that his parents are not perfect. While they obviously do love and accept him, Gabriel is shown as being very hard on Carlos about him being too soft. This has clearly left a mark on Carlos especially since his parents never bothered to have a conversation about him being gay the way Carlos wanted too. The way Gabriel went after Carlos in 2x08 was actually very revealing. He didn’t even really listen to Carlos’s side of things and just put the blame on him. Then when Carlos was proven right, he didn’t even acknowledge it. When Carlos brought it up (something I suspect he wouldn’t have done before he met TK), Gabriel brushed him off. Even the hug between them didn’t really feel affectionate at all. Andrea isn’t innocent either. She may not have been as harsh but she clearly didn’t stand up for Carlos either. It rubs me the wrong way when people say that they wanted to see Andrea give TK a shovel talk in s3. First off, Carlos is an adult. Second, TK had his reasons that were completely understandable and it’s unfair to minimize them like that. Third, if I were Andrea and I wanted to earn my son’s trust, I wouldn’t be concerned about giving his bedridden boyfriend a shovel talk. I would focus more on working on myself so that my son feels comfortable telling me things. There is a reason Carlos didn’t tell his parents. I know they had a nice talk in the hospital but one talk isn’t going to erase a lifetime’s worth of trauma. and we have yet to see them really acknowledge their mistakes. In fact, Gabriel even casually gaslit Carlos by saying he should have corrected Andrea about getting TK’s name wrong. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but unintentional gaslighting is a thing and that comment was definitely it. He clearly never stopped to think about how his own behavior might have led to Carlos not feeling comfortable enough to make the correction. It’s clear that even after 2x08, Gabriel still didn’t recognize how his behavior affected Carlos. The fact that he knew TK was Carlos’s boyfriend and didn’t say anything also shows that, Sure he said he was sure he’s like TK bc his son has great instincts but given how deep Carlos’s trauma goes, that alone isn’t enough. 

 Even if we see them mend things in s4, it’s unrealistic that Carlos will ever get to have the same type of relationship that TK does (or did) with his parents. Neither Gabriel or Andrea are those types of people and at this point it’s unrealistic to expect such a big change from them. The best Carlos can hope for is that his parents at least check themselves before making hurtful remarks, acknowledge their mistakes and make the effort to do better. I’m not saying that Gabriel and Andrea are bad people or that they don’t love Carlos but they have hurt Carlos in very big ways that they have yet to acknowledge. I hope they do so in s4.

By contrast, Owen (and Gwyn for that matter) are by no means perfect and have made mistakes that have affected TK a lot but TK also obviously has a far better relationship with both his parents than Carlos does with his. Even though Owen wasn’t around much after 9/11 (and you know what? I’m willing to go easy on him given the fact we’re talking about one of the most horrific events in modern history), him and TK have such a loving, affectionate relationship. How many adult sons do you see resting their head on their father’s shoulder especially in a public place?  That doesn’t just happen.

Gwyn is also not perfect. The turbulent relationship she had with Owen for so long clearly affected TK deeply. She also clearly had a habit of blaming Owen for things that she shouldn’t be blaming him for. Then there’s the fact that she apparently shacked up with Enzo three weeks after divorcing Owen. That could not have been easy for TK to deal with either. But she also walked into a drug den by herself, took her son onto a plane all the way to California to get him into rehab. She flew in from New York and stayed in Texas for months after TK was shot. Sure, her and Owen started up their messed up relationship again while she was there but she obviously didn’t come all the way to Texas for that. She did it for her son. There is a reason TK saw her in his dream in 3x04.

Owen is far from perfect himself but he actually does acknowledge his mistakes. Yeah, he didn’t react well in 1x09 when TK brought up how Owen not being their when he was a kid affected him but he also made sure TK knew that no matter what he did, Owen would always support him. Yeah, that comment about being a father sucked but he does acknowledge it was wrong and he regrets it. He also acknowledges his shortcoming in 3x16. He calls TK to tell him how much he loves him and that he’s proud of him and apologizes for being so distant. He also expresses the desire to be better. And let’s not forget that this man decided to uproot his whole life so that his son could have a fresh start. Seriously, he found his son almost dead after relapsing and OD’ing on the same day he found out he had lung cancer (as a result of being the sole survivor on an event that literally altered the course of history). Owen had no desire to move to leave the city he clearly loved and move to Texas. In fact, he turned the offer down at first. But then he chose to do so so that his son could get better in a new place. He didn’t keep his cancer secret bc he didn’t believe TK wasn’t strong. He did it bc he couldn’t handle the pain of TK knowing. Owen has always acknowledged how strong TK is. There has never been any doubt that he loves and supports TK. Let’s not forget that it was Owen who told Carlos that his softness was a good thing. There is a reason TK asked for his dad before he even opened his eyes in 1x09. No matter what, TK has never had a problem reaching out to his dad for comfort.

I’m not trying to pick sides here. I’m just saying that with all the “Bad Parent Owen Strand” fics out their that act like what they’re describing is canon all the while putting the Reyes’ on a pedestal, I would like people to remember that while Carlos is so afraid to let his parents down that he doesn’t even share his life with them, TK adores both his parents and has no problem teasing them about things. I’ll be honest, TK and Owen’s relationship is what drew me to the show to begin with. Their relationship is imperfect but the love they have for each other has never been in question. It bothers me when I see so many fics labeling Owen a bad parent and yet putting the Reyes’ on such a high pedestal when I would make the argument that TK (for all his trauma) has been far less traumatized by anything Owen has ever done than Carlos has been by his parents.

[pearlsandjustice]

Ἀστραίᾱ (Astraea/Astraia, the Star Maiden),

Greek goddess of justice and innocence. You probably know of her, not by her name, but in her capacity as the constellation Virgo. In mythology, she long lived among humans on earth, but became disallusioned with the corruption and greed that ran rampant and fled back to the heavens. She was then honored in the sky as the aforementioned constellation. She is closely associated and sometimes equated with Dike, of course, but also Nemesis. This shows that she is associated with righteous indignation and the fight against greed and cruelty. She is generally considered to be the daughter of Astraeus and Eos, or sometimes Zeus and Themis.

As a worshipper of hers, I personally see Astraea as a protector of the young and innocent, a comforter and ally of the marginalized and those hurt by the corrupt and unfair, and the patron of activists and protesters. She is a kind and gentle goddess, but a fighter who demands justice for all. When you are downtrodden and broken and you feel that nobody will listen to you, Astraea will. She will listen and tend to your wounds and tell you that she believes you, and she’s so sorry about all of the cruelty you have had to endure, and that you deserve justice and kindness and safety.

When I picture her, I envision sunsets and the comforting feeling of starry nights. I see fire, I see gold, beautiful and soft but strong and resilient. She is the clean feeling of fresh sheets and a shower, she is every color of the sky. She is a reminder that purity does not mean weakness, that innocence does not mean silence and complacence or inability to stand up for oneself, that youth does not mean unintelligence and that optimism does not mean ignorance or naïveté. To be virtuous is not to be utterly disconnected from cruelty, it is to fight against it, to do whatever you need to do to make things better.

It makes me sad that there is so little knowledge of her surviving, that I’ve only actually met 2-3 other people who worship her during my time in online helpol communities. She is such an incredible goddess and she has brought me so much comfort. That’s why I’m making this post. I wanted to share her stories with other people, and I wanted to share the UPG I’ve gathered in the time I’ve spent with her. I’ve been posting my art of her because even if I don’t think it’s perfect I want there to be more about her on the internet, more art to look at, more writing to read. I hope some people read this post and enjoy it and do some research of their own. That would be so lovely.

[motownfiction]

say what you mean

Steph meets a woman at the DIA about a month after Sam’s funeral. They meet at the Edgar Degas exhibit, which Steph becomes obsessed with the first time she walks through it. Something about the ballet dancers makes her feel beautiful. Something about the woman who always seems to be here at the same time makes her feel beautiful, too.

Turns out she works at the DIA, and she helped put the exhibit together. Her name is Jane, and she has a master’s degree in Art History from State. Steph wonders how they could have possibly missed each other on campus until she realizes Jane is nine years younger than she is. She’s not sure if Jane seems older, or if she hasn’t grown up herself. At any rate, Steph doesn’t hesitate before asking if she can take her to TJ’s for lunch. She doesn’t hesitate before recommending the Carlotta Chocolatta Ice Cream Cheesecake, and she doesn’t hesitate before paying the entire bill. She doesn’t cringe when Jane sings “Lady Marmalade,” and she doesn’t cringe when Jane asks if she can kiss her in the car.

It’s been three months since that day. Steph and Jane wouldn’t exactly call themselves girlfriends, as Steph is a little worried about dating someone almost a full decade younger. Jane assures her it’s nothing. She’s twenty-six, holds a master’s degree, and has lived on her own since she was eighteen.

Depending on your definition of alone, she usually says, and Steph knows what she means.

Doesn’t stop them from spending as much time together as they can. Steph has never known another bisexual woman before. Lesbians, sure. Jill, Katie, probably more whose names she can’t rattle off so easily. But Jane is so easy to talk to. Steph never feels guilty when she has to talk about Sam, and she’s never put off when Jane mentions an ex-boyfriend. There’s something there – something Steph doesn’t think she’s ever felt with anyone else. It might not be that kind of passionate romantic love, but whatever it is, she enjoys it.

Jane, on the other hand, seems like she’s growing cold.

They lie in bed together on a Friday night, and Jane asks the dreaded question.

Where is this going?

Steph exhales, wishing she could sink into the pillows beneath her head and disappear.

“Jane,” she says slowly, sounding too much like the kind of person she hates, especially in bed, “we’ve talked about this. My ex died four months ago. It’s weird for me to think about dating someone else full time.”

“But we see each other almost everyday,” Jane says. “And you know the age difference doesn’t matter. I’m not a kid.”

“I know you’re not a kid. I’m not a kid, either. It’s just … with Sam …”

“Who dumped you in 1985.”

Steph’s heart stops. She pulls the comforter closer to her chin. Sometimes, she forgets how long ago 1985 actually was. She had just turned eighteen then. She’ll be thirty-six in the summer. How has she changed? How is she any different? She is still a pitiful little girl, waiting by the phone for Sam to ring, and he’s dead.

Jane does not deserve this. She’s a woman, and she deserves better. So, Steph tells her that. Jane just snorts.

“Say what you mean,” Jane says. “Say you don’t want to be with me.”

“Jane.”

“That’s not what I asked for.”

Steph wants to tell her so many things. About how she wants to be with her, about how she thinks she could love her, about how she’s the only thing that makes her laugh in this world where laughing feels unfair. Steph wants to tell Jane to stay.

But she doesn’t.

And when she wakes up and goes, she won’t come back.

She shouldn’t.

(part of @nosebleedclub january challenge -- day 11!)

[soup-for-ghosts]

Roland or Frederica for the ask meme?

I shall do both to the best of my abilities!!!

Frederica:

First impression

she seemed nice! big fan of mages. also she’s pretty :]] not a fan of arranged marriages though

Impression now

I LOVE HER SO MUCH. SHE IS MY WORLD. morality route was my first and MAN was it an experience. she’s just… such a good character… it’s difficult to put all my thoughts about her together, but I just love her so much… everything with her family history and the roselle….

Favorite moment

her route for taking back whiteholm is my favorite of those three so far (I still gotta play benedict’s but I don’t think he can beat the battle on the bridge and the stuff with roland, cordelia, and avlora on the boat), and her reluctance to fight her family vs her anger at how cruel and unfair they were to her her whole life is just… an interesting struggle. and how she eventually resolves to do whatever she must, even if that means killing her own flesh and blood… ultimately she’s opposed to killing anyone, no matter who they are or why, and I like how, despite everything, she tries so hard to be kind.

Idea for a story

again don’t have much for this one ach… I did write this though, but it’s mostly serenoa focused. she’s there though

Unpopular opinion

hard to know what classifies as an unpopular opinion with such a small fandom…

Favorite relationship

her and serenoa for sure, but her and roland is also one I like.

I could write an essay on serefrede but I think the game does that well enough for me pf- it’s called “morality route” /j

as for her and roland, I just like their friendship. again you can totally tell morality was my first route but they’re just… really nice friends I think. terrified to play the utility route.

difficult for me to describe my thoughts on them right now, it’s been a while since I last played the game and I haven’t finished liberty and utility routes

Favorite headcanon

not sure on this one, number one for all tristrat characters is drawing them with scars though

Roland:

First impression

his introduction was very silly and I was immediately so fascinated by him and what his deal could be….

Impression now

screaming indefinitely 👍

chapter 5 was when I REALLY started getting into the game, and at every twist and turn I always felt so bad for roland… one of my favorite lines in the game is “though victorious, roland sobs quietly, saddened by the losses made in his name” (quoted to the best of my memory).. it’s such a good line… liberty route’s gonna kill me I think

Favorite moment

his confrontation with gustadolph in the golden route for sure. it felt like his character arc had really been building up to that moment, and he realizes how revenge just feels like an empty concept now. it isn’t about revenge anymore, and he proves that by trying to reason with gustadolph, albeit that fails… but he tried. it’s just so… gah… so good…

another, smaller thing, is the many instances in which he tries to pass his kingship to serenoa, most notably at the end of golden route. he tried several times in different instances… it’s so… man. again, so not ready for liberty route.

Idea for a story

I got nothing sorry

Unpopular opinion

see above - -‘

Favorite relationship

him and serenoa!! the brothers of all time and they don’t even know it… their friendship is so important to me. serenoa’s one of the few people roland really jokes with, and he returns the jests as well… the choice before the tournament is a really good indicator of their dynamic I think… serenoa always trying his best to reassure and comfort roland… even after everything… they care a lot about each other and it’s very clear… the golden route reveal is so… augh… again! I reiterate for the third time! terrified for liberty route!

him and cordelia are also really good… and the previously mentioned him and frederica

Favorite headcanon

see above-

[the-kingshound]

He just yelled at me. Called me names. I started crying, and he kept yelling at me. (I usually don’t cry when this happens. I don’t know why I did this time) Said I was acting like a child. I’m 17, I’m not even legally an adult. I’m not even old enough to drink (legally).I got here by my own work. I’m not unused to this, not really, but it still makes me sad when it happens. I always try to stay positive when it does, and I’ve usually been successful, but I guess today isn’t my day. This kind of stuff has always happened. This exact thing has happened before, when I first started losing my hearing when I was 7. And it hurts. It hurts every single time. It’s not fair. I really tried to talk it out with him. I really really did. But he wouldn’t listen. I thought he would listen. He’s so nice and accommodating to everyone. What did I do wrong? I know it’s not my fault but I can’t help but think it is (and that��s on✨trauma✨)But I filed a report against him, so there’s that! I hope he at least stops acting like this. I don’t want him to get fired, but if that’s what it takes to make others like myself feel safe and comfortable in our classrooms, then it will have to be done.

Sorry for the rambling, would get rid of it but my fingers are hurting really badly from writing stuff

This will probably be my last thing about this situation, the guilt is really getting to me lol Have a good day! Bye bye!! <3333

I hope you're proud of yourself, anon, because reporting him was exactly the right thing to do. And I also want to tell you that there's nothing to feel guilty about. He was the one in the wrong, especially considering his position.

You absolutely made the right call in reporting him, for other people but also for yourself, because the way you were treated was unfair. I sincerely hope he faces the consequences for his behaviour.

Have a good day, dear anon, accept a virtual hug from me❤

[irarelypostanything]

All The Random Thoughts (social media, blogging, tech layoffs)

I had three ideas for a blog this morning (it’s 3:30AM): *Write about how proud I am for waking up that early, with self-deprecating humor.  Heavily imply that I immediately fall asleep while writing it *Talk about over-sharing.  Talk about our tendency to experience vicariously instead of “looking into ourselves,” outsourcing our emotions *Finally, talk about IBonds as an investment.  Talk about that encounter with a YouTube singer who said she hates talking about money, so she decided to talk about personal finance...but in reality she was more comfortable talking to her youtube audience about it than she was to people in real life.  An IBond makes enough to keep up with inflation, period.  Full stop.  There are drawbacks to that When I blog now, it’s for money...sort of.  The blog has all but flatlined.  In 2022 it made $1300, pre-tax, and in February 2023 I think it’s made about $6.

There’s this weird thing that happens to me when I blog.  I suppose when I write, in my dream I envision this one person getting to know my thoughts and really benefiting and really feeling good because they found it.  That hasn’t been my experience.  When you blog, you write for the world - so in my first experience going viral, I remember how every single sentence of what I wrote on Medium was scrutinized, with whole Reddit threads spawning about a single number I included after a 5-second Google search.  In hindsight I’m glad, because it was quite a story and because the post was innocuous, but at the time it was pretty overwhelming and really not that fun.

Had I known about monetization, maybe I would have at least made a few thousand dollars from it.  Then again, maybe it would be much lower...and the people on HackerNews would probably have hated it more.

****

So someone on Medium wrote about a rude customer, as she works in service.  I thought, huh, if he filed a formal complaint and you feel it was unfair, maybe you shouldn’t blog about it to the world with your real name.

But who am I to judge?  I’m doing that right now.  The internet is not really that anonymous, and in many cases it is really not that hard to find out who people are.

I was thinking about that, and then that famous Google TikTok of someone who used to talk about how great Google was, then talked about how abrupt the layoff was.  Naturally, as this is the internet, people descended on her with all kinds of comments that were variations of, “maybe if you spent less time making TikToks and more times working, you wouldn’t have gotten laid off.“

Data point of one, but I know at least one person in a similar position (business) who DIDN’T make TikToks about the Google campus and was laid off.

*****

On a recent popular blog post on one of my three Medium tech blogs, one person wrote, be concise. Don’t waste my time. Consolidate that shit and deliver what your title said.

I didn’t like it.  It was too commanding, reminding me of a stern middle school writing teacher telling me why I got a C for my work.  But he had a point.  At least here, on Tumblr, I can feel a little more comfortable being a little less coherent.  No one really reads my Tumblr unless I use hashtag RWBY, so...again...I picture that one person reading it and really connecting to it.

Which is dumb.  That’s what journals are for.  I suppose my thoughts here are somewhat filtered, but not that filtered.

Which is a segue to the one on TikTok crying about Google.  Why would you record yourself crying?  It shouldn’t be judgment, it should be something said earnestly.  Why do people do that?  Why do I do that?  I suppose I wouldn’t make a TikTok, as video is not my medium, but I probably would feel the urge to write something about it, even if I didn’t state the company or the circumstances very explicitly.

Why would you first response, when you start crying, be to make a video of yourself crying?

******

I recall that in college, I once asked Sonya what she was reading.  She would spend her time reading actual literature, while I was stacking self-help.

Now I am surrounded by hundreds of dollars worth of self-help bullshit, all of which is relatively expensive, whereas you can get the complete works of Shakespeare for 50 cents if you’re feeling fancy or 0 cents if you know what a library is.  50 cents gets it to you on Kindle.

Maybe I should see what Shakespeare says about this, or at least one of the shit self-help books.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

I'm the anon from before.

Well obviously you aren't here to entertain anything you don't want to entertain. And I wasn’t at all saying you should feel sympathy for JGY. I felt sympathy for him (well, at least until this one chapter in the extras). And I like fanfiction about him where he pretty much is the version he just pretended to be in canon. But this isn’t the point.

And again, obviously you don’t owe it to anyone here or elsewhere to entertain this Fanon version much less agree with it. I don’t mind how much anyone hates JGY or how much they express this hatred. But I do think I can expect that people understand that there isn’t a straight line from liking (the Fanon interpretation of) a fictional character to being an enabler or excuser of real life abuse. This take is incomprehensible for me and plainly seems unfair. You say that you don’t have reason to make anyone feel comfortable. I couldn’t agree more. But I’d say there are plenty reasons not to make assumptions about people’s real life moral values based on the kind of fictional characters or Fanon versions they enjoy. 

I don't care frankly what you want out of this. You can take issue all you want with how I feel about this, I don't need to accept the way they interact with this medium, just as you obviously want to have a issue with the way I've stated where my boundaries end when it comes to the way fans act as if they don't promote harmful stereotypes and brush aside real life connotations, all in the name of "having fun", intentional or not.

Sorry, if I don't have a high threshold hold of tolerance for this due to life and fandom (which is heavily catered to a certain type only and they're protected by that basis). So, with that, I don't feel bad making assumptions at this point anymore about fandom as a whole, racism, misogyny, homophobia, a problem with deriding femininity and using it as a tool to excuse abusive men. I don't and will not tolerate fans that retool another works character to make all the excuses to promote their own OC at that point. You love a character cool, just don't try to tell me to accept your OC you call "Jin Guangyao" that's supposedly better all while stripping away the intended point of people like him.

[witchoil]

dealing w some potentially uncomfortable parent stuff rn

going to try to have a talk w my dad about some boundaries/existing issues in our relationship and hilariously it seems easier to tell him that he makes me feel judged and pitied than it is to ask for a boundary that’s been bothering me for YEARS, which is that he’s a bit overfamiliar and calls me by very feminized pet names almost every time we talk

on the one hand, it feels good to be able to try and offer him an alternative — i honestly think i’d be okay with him calling me by a diminutive so long as it’s something he would be comfortable using for a son or younger male relative — but on the other that feels way too exposing / cutting close to a reality i haven’t even begun to crack open with my mom with whom i have a much better relationship

it’s so unfair to me how, with their fathers, sons are by and large automatically transferred out of the “possession” category into “peer” or “mentee” as they age but daughters are left to languish in this uncomfortable “ward”/“family treasure” place that blurs the boundaries of appropriate affection. altho that may be specific to my dad! haha!

anyways it’s good that i’m dealing with this but it’s very scary and hard and i don’t want to do it and it sucks that it might necessitate me being more honest about my feelings and personal life than i really want to be. like, example: i’m 95% sure my dad knows i’m gay but i’ve never said it to him because i don’t like the idea of him having that kind of intimate knowledge about me when he’s so…idk, just the way he is. that’s not even to say anything about the conservatism. anyway, anyway, anyway…