#it’s just got me thinking about how we tend to think of older societies as being very brutal and unforgiving

[missdreamgirl32]

Show/Movie: Depicts the world as always being cruel, dangerous and unfeeling. Treating human life as cheaply as dirt under their heel. Every rando the protagonists meet turning out to be selfish, apathetic, or secretly sadistic.

Me:

[aingeal98]

Hi, so I was reading some of your Stephanie Brown meta & kudos, serious props yours is excellent. I also noticed you seem to be among those who picked up on the worrying undercurrent of Stephanie's relationships with older men. So double kudos for that.

Especially as its one of those things that tends to get glossed over in fandom & I am unsure at times if some writers even grasped what they were doing. Though that may say more about how girls tend to be treated/viewed as adults rather than children, teenagers or victims, save when its convenient to judge them as such.

Sorry not sure where I am going with this, but I think your stance it from that "Five ships that won't happen" section of the Steph ask as well thought out and covered a lot, so third kudos just for tackling that heavy topic so deftly and efficiently.

Ah thank you! Stephanie's relationship with men is so fascinating to me because she's been hurt so many times and the dissonance between her canon and fanon versions are pretty grim yet interesting. Like in early canon she was the Faith to Ariana's Buffy, the Veronica to the Bettys that were Tim's other love interests at the time. And various writers had various ideas about why she was the way she was, a common theme being that she had difficult relationships with the men in her life and had been hurt in the past. Be it a villain, a friend of her fathers, Cluemaster himself, or a shitty clearly too old guy named Dean. I don't think it was meant to be a pattern, more likely just individual ideas about trauma Steph suffered in her past that ended up turning into a consistent trait.

So you've got an abusive father, at least two cases of SA that I can remember (her babysitter and Black Mask), a pregnancy with clear subtext that the father was older than her, and the general way Batman treats her.

Not to mention she was a minor when all this happened. Like Steph has so many issues that she deserves the chance to unpack but instead they've just kind of... softened her down. Like her Batgirl run was the first chance she'd gotten to be the actual hero instead of The Girl in a story written by sexists, and she deserved every second of that. There had been too much injustice done to her character and her Batgirl run did a good job at setting the baseline for giving her a decent narrative. But afterwards, the New 52 could have delved more into her psyche instead of leaning into her waffles and sparkles fanon characterization. But because the New 52 is the worst, it didn't. And now here we are.

It's one of the reasons I'd really love to write a story about Steph realising she's bisexual, because I think in some ways her view of men are due to feeling trapped by heterosexuality and the patriarchal society. It's hard to explain fully without going into a whole other meta but the way she reacts to Tim showing her bare minimum decency is heartbreaking. Like yes men are awful and have been awful to her but she still likes them, she's going to settle down and marry one eventually right? She just has to find the right one, and Tim didn't treat her like complete garbage so he might be it for her!

And then for her to realise that no, she doesn't. She can marry a man if she wants to but if she wants romance there's also women... I really think bi Steph could be so much more than a simple "Oh hey I like girls now cool lol." Like it would shake a significant amount of the misogyny she's internalised and directed towards herself, it could alter the view she's taken of the world, and it would allow her to see her past trauma through a different lens, maybe with less subconscious self hatred.

Sorry this turned into a giant ramble haha, but thank you for the ask!

[tempural]

hey, so I've been scrolling through your many websites and comics for quite a bit and I looove your work!!! but Just Girly Things brought me a question... why is it so that lesbians gravitate towards yaoi so often? I myself am one of those yaoi lesbians and it's fine of course, but it's got me quite confused because yuri is *right there* and yet it often falls completely flat for me while yaoi (and certain flavors of het) will tend to do the opposite. I have some vague speculations as to why that is, at least in regards to myself, but would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Oooh I actually have a comic/caption on my Just Gorly Things site that addresses the lesbian fujoshi thing!

Comic #23: Yucky!

Boys have COOTIES. Gorls ACTUALLY like stinky crappy hunched over old men, with depression, and terminal illness! There's quite a history of lesbians, fujoshi or otherwise, finding 'unattainable' men attractive alongside their usual gal pals. Whether that's older authority figures, far away celebrities, or cartoon characters, these guys often aren't considered real attainable partners by the mind because they will never be interacted with. Thus they're fair game for thirst! They're basically just Barbie dolls for the brain to play with. If you find this conundrum of attraction and sexuality confusing, take it up with the quandary of nerves we call the human mind. Or take it up with the growing number of fangirls online openly thirsting after (fictional) ojii-chans!

Also wrote this on fujofans..

There are various reasons why a woman might enjoy fictional male romance. They might be cishet women who are attracted to men. They might be lesbians who relate to gay themes. They might actually be transmasculine and relate to the depiction of men in BL. They might just like romance regardless of gender and sexuality. They may live in a joker Society in which women are objectified as impregnation machines and homemakers, and as such may want escapism from womanhood. That's all fine to me. All that matters is how one treats real people.

More yapping under the cut, this is another subject I have tism thoughts about:

For me personally, yaoi was a fun fake cartoon playground where I didn't have to think about the Societal things in a story about being a woman. But you can still make them experience some of those Societal things to process them in your mind in a controlled environment. See: old yaoi tropes like "sold into sex slavery", "oh no because i am small and feminine everyone wants to put their penus in my butt", and the abundance of long-haired crossdressing bishonen. You can treat yaoi boys as girls without them actually having to fill the expectations of girls. They're cute little dolls that you can dress up and do whatever to, they don't actually have silly things like gender and sexuality.

Hell, some of them may as well be girls :P That connects the modern memes of "babygirl-fying my old man". Maybe girls ARE attractive! Doesn't matter if that girl is considered a 69 year old dude by the rest of the world.

As for "why not just go to yuri?", there's a couple things that might make that harder for certain people.

Female characters are rarer than male characters in popular media, because popular media tends to be made by dudes who make dude characters. It's hard to make yuri when there's just one female character, and her character is just "the girl". (this is why I personally enjoy using my yuri beam to turn every character in a woman lmao)

(Do note that in female-centric shows where girls outnumber boys and are given basic personalities (Supergirl, Steven Universe, MLP, She-Ra), the yuri ratio is astounding. I do believe that fandom CRAVES the yuri, though the stats of some fic sites might place the overall popularity under m/m and f/m.)

Within fandom expectations, I have felt and seen other people of gay experience say that they're scared of the yuri fandom LMAO. I feel like you get get away with more dark tropes in popular yaoi, but if you depict bad things happening in a fake story to female characters, the fandom will go after your ass.

There's a very loud minority of like.. kink-critical yuri-heads that say that anything other than platonic handholding is reflecting patriarchy and the male gaze or whatever. Of course there's normal fans who just like looking at boobs too. But as with any subculture, the loud rude fans often get their way.

On the other hand, some people might feel a little bad about treating girl characters poorly cuz it hits too close to home🥺 Personally, I do prefer to write some more horrific things happening between boy characters, and almost never between a boy and girl. Girl-girl horrible stuff is more dependent on my mood...

If you live in a restrictive culture, and you're a girl lesbian reading about girl lesbians -- well that's just too obvious that you're gay. It's a little easier to stealth as a lesbian fujoshi cuz 'well girls just like weird yaoi regardless of their irl sexuality'. Your mom might not care if you're reading Black Butler cuz that's just anime boy stuff, but if you bring home Titty Succin' Strawberry Panic you're gonna ring some alarms because YOU could be the titty sucker.

Female Expectations strikes again - character design edition. In popular media and fanart, I often see a larger variety of body types in guys - from giant orcs to tiny twinks to fat dudes. Whereas for women, there's always that slight stabbing feeling that women are supposed to look and behave a certain way. Whether it's fitting into the cool flannel and carabiner stereotype, or the super femme princess school girl thing that's popular in coming-of-age lesbian stuff, it can be alienating compared to how boys get to be horrible goblins and ratty creatures. Compare to video game sexual dimorphism - sure I can play a girl and make yuri, but I HAVE to be a sexy booby butt lady? I already have trouble finding old man uke in yaoi, now imagine how hard it is to find old WOMAN uke with actual wrinkles and white hair! (thank you to everyone who feeds me with characters that are horrible goblin women and ratty girls and stupid girls and girls who are just girls without any expectations)

Please note that my experience with yaoi and yuri is mainly from the 'perverting pre-existing characters' point of view. I never really got into BL and yuri genre stuff that's explicit and 100% canon and established relationship. Hell even in my own OCs I don't do established relationships :P They'll be totally undeniably gay but also never be able to hold hands 😈.

I'm older now and can have fun with both yaoi and yuri AND even het 🤯 But I can still recognize some of my patterns - like the aforementioned yuri beam, rather than making yuri out of existing characters. I think I am more likely to make yuri ocs than yuri of existing characters even! I just like my own girls more than the girls that other dudes write 😃So I guess that's my own reason. You will probably have your own reason that you can figure out!

[myneodream]

Have you noticed how unfair the existence of Cale Henituse and Choi Han is in Earth 1?

And no, I am not talking about how Cale knew what was going to happen or how they both have the main character syndrome.

Summarizing: They are Disney actors in a world of nosy auts!

Did I just got out of shower? Yes.

Should I go eat, because it's one in the morning and I have class at 8 A.M.? Also yes.

Is this my first post to this fandom, that I haven't interacted with in a year? Yup.

BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Like, think about it.

Also, I'm focusing more on Cale, but Choi Han also fits.

I don't know how it is now, but to Millennials and Gen Z, we grew up watching Disney movies and, most of them, like High School Musical, showed lies, like that High School was fun.

But the point I want to say is regarding the visual. We grew up, watching how people were supposed to be in High school, having a pattern to follow. Disregarding the fact that the actors were in their twenties!

That caused a bunch of self esteem issues, because the ideal model was someone who already went through puberty, not one that is going through it. And the comparison was the worst, because it wasn't a realistic pattern to follow.

That made me think about how the world perceives the two. I haven't read the second part yet and haven't touched anything related in almost a year, but, if I am not mistaken, Cale ends that part with 20 years and Choi Han with the appearance of 18.

BUT we all know that they are way older than that. Cale was in his thirties and Choi Han between 60's and 150's (yes, I saw both options and I don't remember which was true).

The fact that everyone at first looks down on Cale is not only because of his physic. It's because he is technically a teenager! (Regarding the Korean age, they become adults at 20. Ps: I heard it had a change, so I don't know how it is now, but this novel was written before that). That is probably why the kids also tend to hear Cale. We always hear the older cooler kids and not the adults.

And then we have two teenagers fighting a war. Multiple wars. And they won. Because, in reality, they are mostly functional adults. They had time to learn, they had experience. But to everyone, they are only geniuses. Not that they aren't, but it is more like "the trash became responsible overnight and is taking strategies from the air."

And then we consider that Cale is also a nobleman. And you know what nobles do? Always want to be the best, always comparing to others. Imagine the pressure of growing in a family like this, in a society like this. And I can say I have an idea, I'm Latina and half my family is Asian. We always have that nosy aunt that compares us to anyone that is better. Sometimes the aunt is your own mother, but there is always someone.

But get the perspective. All the next generation will have Cale and Choi Han as the ideal model. In a society that comparison and nitpicking everything is the tradition. And it will be hell for them. Because there is no way that a "new Cale" or a "new Choi Han" can be born. They are the product of a bunch of factors. So, they will be searching for the impossible.

Hence, the existence of Cale and Choi Han is unfair the same way that Disney placing adults playing teenagers is unfair to the kids watching them.

[aeoki]

Swing Night - Prologue

Characters: Adonis, Kouga & Keito Season: Spring

Kouga: ♪~♪~

(Alrighty, time for another hard-workin’ day ♪)

(Things sure were a mess when “HELLSING” were involved, but “UNDEAD” could grow even bigger by absorbin’ em.)

(Thanks to that, we were performin’ and doing variety TV shows – things were super hectic, but I wanted to keep busy.)

(I’m givin’ it everythin’ I’ve got and every day feels fulfillin’.)

(My schedule’s also packed to the brim and even though I’ve just graduated Yumenosaki, I ain’t got any time to get burnt out.)

(Actually, I think I’ve been ignorin’ real life and other small stuff ‘cause I’ve been so busy… Hm?)

What the hell…? Why’re there so many people in front of the dorm entrance?

Keito: –Oogami!

Kouga: Huh? What’s wrong, frickin’ Four-Eyes? Why’d you call out my name so energetically first thing in the mornin’?

Keito: Stop slandering glasses. In fact, you should show some respect.

Kouga: The hell? Why do I have to respect glasses?

Anyway, that ain’t important. What’s with the crowd? Did somethin’ happen?

Is it a fight!?

Keito: Don’t jinx it. And wipe that excited expression off your face.

Kouga: I know. It was just a joke, geez.

Keito: Hmph. A joke? I see someone’s in a good mood. Well, I suppose things for “UNDEAD” have been looking up lately.

But it’s also precisely at times like these that people tend to ignore their footing. You must keep your guard up even after victory, or so they say.

Kouga: Huh? Why’re you actin’ like my upperclassman now?

I’ve already graduated from Yumenosaki. We’re no longer students of different grades – we’re members of society with equal standing now.

Keito: Indeed. You’re right. Welcome to society.

Kouga: I don’t care ‘bout that. Tell me what’s going on.

Keito: I’d actually like to ask you this: Have you not heard anything?

Kouga: Huuuh? What’re ya talkin’ about? Does this have somethin’ to do with me?

Keito: Look closely. They’re all paparazzi and reporters, packed into the entrance to the dorm.

Kouga: Paparazzi and reporters? Why’re they here? Seems pretty exaggerated to me. It’s like they’re here for a press conference or somethin’.

Keito: That’s a rather fitting phrase to describe it. It seems something intriguing that the public is focussing all their attention on is occurring. It appears Mr. Popular over there is in the centre of the whirlpool.

Kouga: Who? Uhh…?

Dammit, I can’t see ‘cause of the crowd!

Keito: Would you like a lift, Oogami?

Kouga: Why do you sometimes act like you’re my big brother or somethin’!? I’m a lone wolf, you hear – an only child!

Keito: Hmph. It wasn’t my intention to act like your older brother.

In any case, look. You can see a little bit when you look from here, right?

Kouga: Hmm…?

Adonis: …………

Kouga: Huh? Hey, that’s Adonis!

Keito: It is. It appears the reason for the whole fuss is Otogari this time.

Paparazzi and reporters stormed the dorm upon hearing that Adonis Otogari, a member of the popular idol unit “UNDEAD”, has a girlfriend.

Kouga: Oh, yeah, yeah. Huh. So it was just about Adonis having a girlfriend…

HUUUUH!? ADONIS HAS A GIRLFRIEND!?

Keito: Indeed. It appears they’re saying all sorts of things like how he acts like a gentleman on the outside, but he’s actually a playboy… 

Kouga: What the hell!? That doesn’t just apply to Adonis! They don’t know nothin’ and are just sayin’ whatever the hell they want!

I’m gonna go and shut their traps.

Keito: Wait! Don’t head over there, cracking your knuckles!

Calm down and stay put. You’ll just make things worse.

Kouga: But…!

Keito: Don’t worry. Anyone who knows Otogari knows what sort of person he is. He’ll prove that those were just baseless rumours.

Right now, Otogari is doing his best to earnestly deal with the situation. Watch over him if you’re his friend.

Reporter: There are rumours that you have a girlfriend, Otogari-san… Is that true?

Adonis: …………

Reporter: Well?

Adonis: No. That’s a mistake. I don’t have a girlfriend.

Kouga: (Y–Yeah~ Heheh, that’s the Adonis I know…!)

(Heheh. He’s acting so confident, so the reporters should understand that those rumours were wrong…♪)

Reporter: No, no. Otogari-san, please don’t twist words. We have quite a lot of evidence backing our claim.

Adonis: I know. She isn’t my girlfriend, but my fiance.

Kouga & Keito: ………….

Kouga: HUUUUUUUUUUH!? WHAT IN THE FRICKIN’ HELLLLLLL!?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤNext Chapter →

[alpaca-clouds]

The Question For Queer Representation

2024 surprises me in so far, that we finally seem to have reached the point where we can talk a bit more clearly about the question of queer representation.

Now, this seems to be a topic where we still very much see the difference between younger people within the community and older ones. Because the conversation is mostly driven by millenial and Gen X queers - while some of Gen Z and younger will still often insist on needing "Good Representation".

But I thought towards the end of this year's strange Pride Month, in which there was so little pinkwashing, I want to talk about this a bit. Even though I have spoken about this before.

Finally Some Toxic Gays

During those laIst two years something has happened. Not only did we see a sharp increase of queer representation in media, but we also got a lot more diverse queer representation. There is still a lot of cute and fluffy stuff, but also a lot of shitty and toxic gays with tons of bad habbits, that never the less are allowed to be the protagonists or otherwise important characters in their stories.

I took some characters I could think off in the picture above. And yes, I will admit, that I am mostly watching animated stuff, which shows above. Mostly because the more fantasy-oriented stuff tends to be animated. And yes, also because animated stuff is somehow a lot more openly queer.

But we got quite a lot either toxic, unhealthy or otherwise "problematic" gay characters. Be it those who betray their partners, or those who are abusive (Lestat in IWTV, Malcolm in Captain Laserhawk). Be it people who gaslight and manipulate (like both Carmilla and Olrox from Castlevania). Or be it those survivors of abuse, who have developed a lot of toxic coping mechanism (like Angel Dust or Astarion).

And I really got to say: This is good. It is actually good. At least in the context that it appears in now.

Gays Don't Need To Be Perfect

Now, it should be noted that of course - especially here on tumblr - quite a lot of people have complained about this. Like there are several blogs about each of the characters above and how they are horrible and the worst thing to happen to queer representation ever and such. As well as people who ignored several trigger warnings at the beginnings of episodes, only to then complain about being triggered. (This showed so very much with Hazbin Hotel Episode 4. Because that episode had a Trigger Warning.)

The one I found most interesting in terms of the anti-discourse was Astarion, though, probably. Because a lot of the discourse about him - outside being a toxic queer man - was also very much about how he was not a perfect victim. Sure, they did also complain about the other stuff and did not use the words "perfect victim", but it was surely implied in some blogs I saw. Basically using both the entire story with the Gur and his learned toxic behaviors to say: "He is not only bad queer representation, but also bad for sexual abuse/sex trafficking survivors." Which... is of course ironic, given that especially in terms of the latter he is a lot closer to reality than any innocent honey-bu would be.

And this is a big thing. See, here is the thing: In the real world, a lot of queer folks are messy. Because a lot of us are traumatized from the queerphobia that is so very present in society. So many of us have been abused for our queerness by parents, classmates and teachers. A lot of us do have mental health issues - and statistically we are also more likely to be neurodivergent to begin with. So many of us have learned quite a few bad coping mechanisms.

So, yes... This is just something that is fair to depict as well. Because the world is not that easy, if we are honest.

The Numbers Game

Now, if those shows and games had come out 10 years ago, I might have well deriled them as well. Not just because I was a lot younger then and had a very different idea of what made for good representation, but also because the numbers out there were different.

10 years ago, we barely had any queer representation. And back then, yes, it was very, very noticable to a lot of folks that most queer characters we got to say, were either shown to be shitty people, or would simply die or have a very miserable storyline with a lot of death and such things.

I will remind you: The Korrasami reveal, that was so important for studios/channels/services realizing that actually they could get away with a lot more than they had previously thought, happened in December 2014. The finale of the first season Steven Universe, where we got the Ruby/Sapphire reveal, happened a bit later in 2015.

Again, yes, those are animated examples, but... Well, it did not look better in terms of live action shows. While those (due to having older audiences) might have had their token queer character, this character often was either a stereotype, died, or was living a miserable life with no resolution.

And now? Well, now we can have the toxic gay vampires - be they named Lestat, Olrox, or Astarion - and we also can have sweet, fluffy queer representation in other shows, like Heartstopper. And it is good to have both of them. We deserve both.

The Missing Rep

I wrote an essay last year about this, but because tumblr's search is shit, I cannot find it again. So I will just put this out here again. Because I noticed an issue here - and you should notice the same issue if you look at the picture above.

The toxic queer characters right now are very much mostly men. Partly, because gay and bi/pan men make up a very large part of queer representation, especially in adult media. While I can name you quite a few fluffy, kidfriendly shows with lesbian or bi/pan female characters, the adult media often focuses more on queer men. And even if there are queer women, those are often a lot more wholesome, compared the men.

I mean, I think that Euphoria (which I don't watch) focuses more on queer young women, who are kinda shitty, but... Yeah, exceptions to the rule.

Now, we can speculate why this is. I personally still think that part of it has to do that sapphic women are seen as more innocent for several reasons. For one, we tend to portray women as more passive and innocent either way than men. But also, there is the fact that especially sapphic women are seen as a lot more innocent in total, because "they don't have real sex" (according to some people). As there is still the stigma that sex needs to involve at least one cock to be real sex.

And yeah, it should be noted that of course all the other types of queer representation are still lacking especially in Western media. We have little in terms of trans representation (especially trans men are super underrepresented), basically no intersex representation, and aroace representation is also quite lacking.

Conclusion

I think right now, we are making really good strides when it comes to at least certain types of representation. We get to see queer charactres in so many shows, movies, and games right now. Not to speak of books and comics. And this is good. No, not all the representation is perfect, but given that we get quite a lot it does not need to be.

No, having characters be toxic, depressed or otherwise not perfect does not make them bad representation. Because there are a lot of toxic, depressed and otherwise not perfect queer people in reality. And that deserves to be represented as well.

Yes, we need more representation of certain groups of queer people. Again: Trans folks, especially trans men, intersex people and aroaces do deserve more representation. Both the fluffy kind and the dramatic bitch type.

But... I really think folks need to stop complaining when queer characters in media are not perfect. It is okay for them to not be perfect. Real queer people are not either.

[kiestrokes]

Hey!!! Can you do Stray Kids MTL to prefer dating/hooking up with older women instead of younger?

Stray Kids Most to Least: Likely to Date an Older Woman | NSFW

Pairing: Stray Kids x Reader/You/Yn Rating: NSFW! Mature (18+) Minors DNI. Genre: MTL, headcanon, ranking, imagines. Warnings: implied age gaps, dating, intimate relationships.

Sexually Explicit Content: older woman x younger stray kids kink and all that comes within that, vague dom/sub/switch dynamics mentioned.

🗝️ Note: anonie…nearly all of them scream loving the idea of an older partner, but I got you 😘 sorry it's so late, I have been swamped at work and in my wips.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below.

Han Jisung

Ummm Hanji just likes being babied. Period. In all forms, Hanji is THEE pillow princess. Han also needs an older partner, one who understands his anxiety and doesn't get embarrassed or annoyed by it. Someone with patience, and as someone who thought they were always patient...I am a thousand times more patient as I grow older.

Lee Felix

Lix is higher because he values maturity and deep conversations, but also loves to be doted on and babied. I can see him thriving, being your best subby boy and losing his mind when he gets to dom you. Lix is a switch, I will not be taking any arguments on this opinion.

Bang Chan

Chan is so high on the ranking because I don't think he cares about your age as long as you're older than 21. I cannot see Chan going for someone much younger than him, he craves maturity. In a different way than you might typically view maturity, because yes Chan is silly and playful. But he absolutely does not fuck around with boundaries and being a decent human. Which takes age and time imo. I can see Chan really loving being with an older partner for this reason and if that libra wants you, he's getting you.

In Jeongin

Jeongin isn't fond of all the cutesy aspects of dating a younger partner. He wants it to be cut and dry, affection in the bedroom and chill hangouts in public. Jeongin is also a switch, leaning dom. He will be your slightly bratty sub but also wreck your shit like you just did not expect from a sweet, dimpled face like his.

Seo Changbin

Similar to Lix, he loves being coddled but the thrill of wrecking you in the bedroom absolutely sets him off. How an older partner like you just melts under his massive biceps and thick thighs. Changbin also loves that you keep real food in the kitchen. Not the barren soju and preworkout diet most of his hookups keep stocked.

Kim Seungmin

Seungmin doesn't have the capacity to keep the facade up for bs drama that tends to come with younger partners. He wants something straightforward and easy. Which comes with an older partner, someone who has been through all the games, knows their boundaries and can respect his.

Hwang Hyunjin

Similar to Seungmin, Hyunjin is not here for the drama. He is also into heavier sexual themes and needs an expeiernced partner for these. So that no one ends up getting physically (or emotionally) hurt in the process. Hyunjin isn't a dom or a sub or a switch, he's a goddamn sexual menace to society.

Lee Minho

Alright for once, Lino is a little hard for me. He doesn't give me the vibe of necessarily seeking out an older partner, as we have seen how much he loves to dom the maknaes. I can see Lino with someone around Hanji's age. That is quiet and playful enough to toy with his stoic demeanor and old enough to explore things sexually.

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Perhaps some of you remember that time I wrote up an entire essay for the TVTropes forums to get William cemented as a Magnificent Bastard because you literally have to get fictional characters vetted by people who care an absurd amount about this to add them to the trope page.

I am now back on my bullshit, and just got Albert confirmed (Louis is in the works, but the voting looks good for him so far). I did his write up today and it should be up later this week? I enjoy the short version as well.

And now:

The Work

Moriarty the Patriot is a (very loose) retelling of the Sherlock Holmes stories combined with James Bond set in the late 1800s, focused on Professor James Moriarty and exploring his motivations.

The Character

This post is to open a discussion specifically on Albert James Moriarty, older brother of Professor Moriarty (who we already confirmed) and one the Professor's Co-Dragons. Albert is the original "Moriarty" family member biologically who took the other two in as children, and is the leader of MI6 for most of the series.

Why Is He a Bastard

I mean, he kills his own younger biological brother and his mother by hand and then arranged for the entire rest of his family and servants to die in their sleep in a fire. So like. Is that enough?

He also took two orphan kids in, then basically said, "Hey, in exchange for getting your little brother heart surgery he needed to live, help me murder like so many people. Kthx."

He tends to come off colder than either of his brothers, which is sort of impressive since they're all murderers.

I like Albert, but he's certainly a bastard.

But Not That Bad?

Much like his brothers, Albert is trying in a very fucked up way to improve society by murdering people he thinks are making society worse. He is...trying to help in a Pay Evil unto Evil sort of way.

Honestly, Albert is the Moriarty brother who gets the least amount of sympathy from fans, although this shifted a fair amount after it was revealed he has severely untreated OCD, which is a massive contributing factor to his need to eliminate the hypocrisies of all these abusive nobles who keep going to Christian churches. But it's not like most people with OCD are murderers, so there's a limit to how far this Freudian Excuse is going to take him.

Is He Charming/Magnificent

Albert is, according to an official Japanese fan poll, the second most popular character in the series (second to the protagonist of the series, who won by a landslide). This seems to track from the interactions I've had with people. So people are charmed by him.

Albert is also in the series pretty much assigned to "socialization" on behalf of everyone else. He doesn't seem to really like it very much, but he gets along with people rather well. According to his official character profile, he's still getting asked out and courted even after losing his title and going to prison for the murders, so apparently people are really into him.

He also has a similar flair for the dramatic to his younger brother. This is absolutely a man who is going to revel in elaborate schemes and acting a part. While he often asks his brother to arrange details and plans, he always shows up to convince people that he's just so worried about his kidnapped brother, please help him, and oh, gasp, people have died, how tragic.

But Is He Brilliant?

This, I think, is a key factor in Albert's case here: Most of William's subordinates are very subordinate to him. It's made clear that William expects all of his crew to be able to think and plan for themselves and make their own decisions, but the series doesn't always take time to show that off for everyone. Albert does get that time.

Albert often sees opportunities before he engages William for a plan to make it work. Manipulating Mycroft Holmes into getting MI6 created so he could lead it was Albert's idea, and he executed the plan (and he leads MI6 when it's not doing Lord of Crime business), even if William came up with many of the details to help him out. Albert is the one who sees the potential in Adam Whitley and brings the topic up to William.

Also, Albert was the first person to bring William's dreams of killing nobles and creating a brighter world into fruition and set it into a tangible, real path. He and William are frequently tagged as the only two who originated the entire plan.

Albert is a brilliant opportunist and an excellent man to have making sure everything goes off without a hitch, even if the details of getting things done aren't really his forte.

He's brilliant.

What About His Competition?

Most of the nemeses in the series are focused on William, and Albert is his subordinate. Basically none of Sherlock or Milverton's attention ever splashes Albert's way. The person he really engages with in a competitive dance with is...Mycroft Holmes. And while Albert doesn't exactly win, neither does he lose to Mycroft. They come to a couple of agreements and passes to work together and watch to make sure the other isn't getting in their way.

Verdict:

Yes.

[safety-pin-punk]

whats your opinion on the current punk discourse? i find it really stupid personally, it really just feels like the same discourse that always happens (young punks denying punk history, older punks not wanting to let their culture change, them fighting about it) but i want to hear your thoughts since im still fairly new to the culture.

OKAY. Please forgive me if words don't work right, I'm very tired at the moment. That said, I do have an opinion on this topic.

You mention that its the 'current' punk discourse, but honestly, I'd argue its been *the* punk discourse since at least the 2000s. By that point, the scene had been around for 30 years, long enough to have veteran punks and people very fresh to the punk community. Though, I will admit that I'm lucky in that I don't see much of this online both because of how picky I tend to be with the blogs I follow, but also because of the nature of my own blog. Many people find safety-pin-punk from my Punk 101 posts that are focused on history and culture, consequently, most of my audience has at least some willingness to learn and has an interest in that topic.

And while generational gaps certainly *do* cause riffs within the punk community, its certainly not something limited to punks, or even alternative communities for that matter. Just look at the stereotypical american family gathering. Nobody is happy because nobody agrees. Best said perhaps by lyrics from both The Ataris and The Living End

I point that out because my opinion on how it should be addressed within the punk community is the same as how it should be addressed in society as a whole. Younger people SHOULD be taking the time to learn their history and know how we got to where we are. Knowing where we started and the fights we've dealt with are important to being able to move even further. On the other side, older people NEED to actively work to challenge their beliefs and acknowledge that its okay for things to evolve and change over time.

The most talked about example of this phenomenon I've seen is the "Nazis aren't punk/where do you think the phrase Nazi punks fuck off comes from?" And I think anyone who is involved in online discourse over this fails to be able to see this argument from the other side. Yes Nazis used to be in punk spaces. But then they were kicked out (Nazi Punks Fuck Off). And now no one wants to let them back (Nazis aren't punk). I genuinely don't understand why people get upset over this. Not every post that talks about what punk has become needs to address its history. Not every post that addresses its history needs to bring up the current state. And people on both ends of any argument like this need to stop thinking they are superior than the other side, and instead start trying to use their brain cells and understand nuance in situations and conversations.

[miralines]

Little infodump about what I think Rose being King Cole’s finest warrior looks like! This is mostly taken from discord messages, but I wanted to have it out here for reference, and to share.

So to me Rose’s family line has always served as like. The leaders of parliament. Snow, as the older twin, works with their mother in lawmaking and administration of the kind Cole can’t/doesn’t attend to himself. But all their family has served Cole in some way, and Rose’s interests lie in the military. She entered Zantine’s most prestigious military academy at twelve, graduated at eighteen, and went out to be an officer as soon as she did. She’s worked her way up the ranks since, bolstered by nepotism and natural talent in about equal measure. She’s a very, very young officer, but she’s something of a fast-rising star in Cole’s army– the last rank she sort of earned (as much as she earned any of her ranks) was Colonel at only 22. (she was promoted to General just before the wedding, but she was never intended to actually be one– that was purely a political move on Cole’s part to add to the mythos when he took her to make the Rose Reds.)

As far as her approach to war goes, I do think she tends to prioritize tactics that minimize loss of life, especially to her own troops. She isn’t going to put someone in a position she isn’t willing to assume herself. The troops under her command appreciate this about her– it certainly is not a universal guarantee, especially among officers from the upper echelons of society.

However, when it comes to enemies, she’s a lot less careful. She expects other commanders to do the same as she does and to keep their troops as relatively safe as possible— not realizing that part of the reason she’s even *able* to do that is because she’s on the side that has all the advantages. She’s got a weird sort of cognitive dissonance about it, because she’s very aware of the Empire’s power, and she can assess enemy threat levels and advantages and disadvantages, but this does not translate into the kind of empathy for the enemy as she has for her own soldiers, or a realization of her own privilege.

She generally takes the position of “it’s best to fight honorably, but as efficiently as possible to end the fight quickly.” She tries not to commit war crimes, but only as she understands them from her position— there are probably tactics we and her enemies would view as war crimes that she views as perfectly normal, because that’s how she was taught to fight. Her sense of honor is very strong and also very based on the culture and propaganda she was raised on.

She has lines she will not cross. Aside from that, she goes in and crushes the opposition as quickly as possible. In her mind, this minimizes loss of life, and allows the opposition to be brought into/back into the Empire as soon as possible, which is obviously what is best for everyone. After she wins, she is a huge proponent of aid to the places she and her troops have devastated, and of treating the conquered peoples as equal citizens of the empire immediately. This is morally just to her.

Cinders gets her thinking about some of this, and by the wedding some of this worldview has started to unravel, but certainly not all of it— in particular, she still believes the empire is just and can exist, it just doesn’t need to keep expanding, and maybe it can give some planets (like Perrault, Cinders’ planet) back, or loosen their political hold on them. Crucially, she still believes this is a mistake Cole is making, rather than his rule working exactly as he intends it to. She does not get the chance to further consider things, or to further drift away from the king, before the Wedding Day Slaughter.

[recurring-polynya]

I'm on vacation, so here is a random grab-bag of Soul Society thoughts I had while staring into the sea today (this is mostly for @bleachbleachbleach but you can read it too)

One of my favorite conceits of B3's writing (I feel like things that appear in fanfiction are sort promoted from headcanons but I don't have a good word for it) is the notion that Rukongai has its own magic that is fundamentally different and, in fact, somewhat opposed to shinigami magic. This first shows up in Afar, Afar, where Momo loses her ability to see spirits in Junrinan (and perhaps even her memory that such a thing exists). There was also a notion of it in REVERSE THE BONE (the best Weird Rukongai fic ever written) about the train, which already exists in a sort of quantum state where it sometimes exists both forward and backward in time, but also that the journey depends on the passengers. There's a quote at the beginning, but nonetheless, has completely rewired my brain (it has been over a month, and I am still thinking about it):

Hisagi does not find this mollifying. “Yeah, but I don’t even think Captain Kuchiki gets the same train as the rest of us. Have you ever tried to use his restaurant reviews? Because I always print these things, and they sound great, then I go. And then they’ll look at me like—Well. It’s like I’m not even at the same restaurant. But hey, at least you’ll get to see a lot, right? I’ve heard East Rukongai these days is… fine!”

Within the context of the story, this is just hyperbole. Of course Byakuya experiences things differently, he's incredibly rich and powerful, etc, etc, but the thing that sticks in my head about this is that Byakuya is fundamentally different from Hisagi, and also Hitsugaya and Hinamori, who are the protagonists of this piece, because he is a creature of Soul Society and they are not.

The Rukon is a place for ghosts. For beings that lived a life on Earth and died. It is an afterlife. A thing I find incredibly interesting is that nearly all the Rukon-hailing shinigami we know of died as children. Additionally, they are all Really Good at being shinigami--captains and vice-captains, although this is a function of Bleach being a story about the more powerful members of Soul Society. Anyway, I think this is not a coincidence.

Two things that are true about Bleach are that: a) liminal things, hybrid things, things that exist at the boundaries of two other things, tend to be more powerful b) power is also achieved through transformation

It makes 100% sense to me that a child ghost has more potential to become in Soul Society. We also know that aging is non-linear, and that age changes tend to come in concert with increases in power. All of this feels very consistent and right to me.

In particular, consider Rukia, who died as a baby (and we don't know this for sure, but her sister, who died as an older child or teen did not seem to have the same potential). She was human, but only got to live a small fraction of the life she could have, and instead, went to Soul Society, and became such a creature of Soul Society, that she not only achieved bankai, but trained in the Royal Realm, a thing that few other shinigami get to do.

This reminded me of a line from my own fanfic, Hold On, Hold On, where I was trying to make sense of the "lieutenant is equivalent of nobility" thing (through the convenient mouthpieces of Kira and Hinamori):

“High ranking shinigami are basically considered to be nobility,” Izuru explains. “Or close enough for most purposes.” “The argument goes,” Momo elaborates, in a way that she knows will resonate with Renji, “that the reason nobles are noble is because their souls are so pure and strong, right? So how else can you explain the captains that come from Rukongai? You can’t, so you have to act like they’re noble, too, right? Noble logic.”

And while I don't think I'm wrong, what if there's more to it? What if there is something that is fundamental to one's nature that nobles and powerful shinigami have in common, something that also corresponds to the nature of the Seireitei.

There's one other thing that I think they may have in common, and that's the ability to reproduce. Fanon is split on this topic, but I've always been of the mind that having babies in Soul Society is something only people with strong spiritual energy are able to do. So, in that sense, if noble people see themselves as defined by having been born in the Soul Society, of being creatures who have never lived, it's not exactly the same, but a Rukongai wandering soul who gains the ability to reproduce is certainly a step closer, no?

(Is this the part where I talk about Soul Society nobility and their parallels to faeries, with their low birthrate and stealing babies and people of talent to join their underground magical kingdom?)

An interesting ramification of all of this, is that you've got Rukia and Renji, who represent one of the most successful cases of dead souls acclimating to Soul Society and reaching the highest echelons of power, but I strongly suspect that there are still some fundamentally Rukon things about them-- things they see, things they feel, things they remember. What makes this extra cool to me is the fact that they hang out with Byakuya, the product of dozens of generations of Soul Society lineage. In fact, the catalyst for all of this thinking was me thinking about Byakuya having an instinctive distrust of the sea, whereas Rukia and Renji and Hisana all love it. Now, I am generally not very interested in Ichika, but I am interested in the fact that she is something different than her parents. That on some level she has more in common with Byakuya. I mean, is this the origin stories for Soul Society's noble clans in the first place? Some souls made themselves powerful enough to make more of themselves?? That is a pretty interesting thought to me, not that I've come up with anything interesting to do with it. It's like, what if you were a changeling, and you got adopted by the king of the faeries and you had a baby with another human changeling, but your baby was a faery? (Polynya, this was the plot of Books of Magic. Kinda sorta. You have somehow achieved your life goal of six degrees of John Constantine-ing Tim Hunter and Kuchiki Rukia and it was entirely by accident.)

Anyway, that was my complete quota of interesting Ichika thoughts for today (I still think it would have been cooler if they got to conceive a baby in the Royal Realm but no one asked me).

The more interesting direction that these thoughts took goes back to B3's fic, in the sense of: do the nobles avoid the Rukon? What is it that they don't like about it? The implication is always just basically that it's poor and not as nice as the Seireitei, but what if there are things that are in opposition to the law and order that people like Yamamoto have imposed on the controlled area inside the city walls. Even the Shiba, the infamous rebel outcasts only live in District 1.

Consider Ukitake's backstory--his noble family were so desperate to save their sick child that they went out to District 76 and made a deal with a god/a piece of the Soul King (is there a difference? does it matter?), a thing which gave Ukitake the capability to become a vessel for a god. I feel like Mimihagi wouldn't/couldn't have made that deal with an ordinary soul. This happened a super long time ago and I bet there have been all kinds of cautionary tales, etc, to discourage this kind of behavior today. (Which also ties a little into Yhwach's "the Gotei used to be better, you suck now" comment)

I'm not really converging on any sort of conclusion, here, it's just sort of interesting to me. The Rukongai sort of represents wild lawlessness, I think, the loss of rules and sense. The TYBW is all about how the order of Soul Society (and Hueco Mundo and the Living World) is a thing that was invented for and by the shinigami for their own benefit, and I think they don't even really have control of their entire realm, just the central bit.

There's a constant fanon outcry of "why do the shinigami neglect Rukongai?" and it's always because "Soul Society sucks" and "Central 46 is dicks" etc, but I think it's interesting to think about the shinigami as a social order that truly has limited power, and that there is a lot of shit in the Rukon that is more than is dreamt of in their philosophy, if you get my drift, whether it's werewolf clans or trains that don't obey the laws of time and space. It's like the way in a horror movie, the cop or the army dude gets taken down by the monster in the woods who is eventually defeated by a teen or something. Shinigami are very powerful when it comes to dealing with the interface between the World of the Living and their personal World of the Dead, but they are less well equipped to deal with the things in their own backyard.

Regretfully, none of this cohered in my head into anything that I could spin into a good story (I'm not sure they even cohered into this essay), but maybe it will roll around in my head long enough to grow a pearl, who knows?

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

Thank you! So, for the last several years I thought of myself as bisexual, but I still feel like I’m lying to myself. That maybe I’m just straight. I don’t get turned on by women as much as men. Although I’ve realized that my obsession with men (it is, in fact, kind of an obsession, I myself feel it) is a result of an abusive father, then a stepfather, and my overconsumption of porn since I was like 6. That’s actually a whole another topic, I fucking hate pornography so much. It feels like it ruined my brain. I still feel like I get turned on by extreme stuff. It’s disgusting and I feel like a vile human being. But getting to the initial topic - I don’t fantasise of women in such context as much as of men. I don’t think I ever masturbated fantasising of a woman… And it feels like a cornerstone for me. I often think I’m just delusional , or I want to feel included somewhere. That I’m just straight. I’ve never been in a relationship with either sex. As of now I feel like men dont interest me as much and I don’t want to date them, but I still feel this “obsession”. I don’t know how to get rid of it.

I didn’t have any crushes on female characters or real life girls as a kid, I think. So that’s another thing… But I did have a crush on one girl in my college. I think I’d still feel butterflies in my stomach if I saw her. But one crush compared to my many infatuations with men doesn’t seem enough. Also, even if I fantasise about being in a relationship with a woman, it feels almost strange. Because I feel as though I’m not good enough. Or that I’m an imposter. I’ve had one girl who had interest in ME (which I can’t believe in to this day), but I didn’t like her back. I still lived with my mother than, and I remember telling her about my complicated feelings on this and she just disregarded it all. Saying that I’m straight and it’s time I stopped lying to myself and trying to be trendy, that I’m not a lesbian. (I’ve never called myself a lesbian, I don’t know why she said this).

I guess getting a crush on a woman and this feeling being mutual would help me realize if I’m actually bisexual. I mean, like entering a real relationship. But that’s another thing - I mostly get crushes on butches. And it makes me always think, and I know this sounds so wrong and disgusting, but - what if I like butches because they are similar to men? What if I just like men and this is some sort of projection?

I’m sorry if this was too graphic and long. You don’t have to respond to this. Also thank you for your time

hello darling! first off - you can relax. it sounds like youre putting a lot of pressure on yourself. bisexuality isnt 50/50. some are more same-sex attracted; some more opposite. and it can change: for example, the older i got, the more attracted i became to women, and possibly due to allowing myself to feel that attraction (because in my experience admitting to yourself you are bi is one thing, learning to allow that attraction another; we are raised in a heteronormative society and kind of have to learn on our own how to deal with our same sex attraction) i also initiated more with women. i think theres a lot less chances because there are just not as many same sex attracted women, and then you have to be attracted to her and she has to be attracted to you, etc.

im sorry you were exposed to porn this early, and that the men in your life did this to you. this probably has a huge influence on your sexuality and especially how you perceive it. again i would recommend you to allow yourself to breathe, what will happen will happen, if youve felt attracted and had romantic feelings for women before and you know a woman who gives you butterflies you are likely right in your assessment. i also think straight women dont think about it this extensively. as bisexual women men are the „easier“ option (as in, more potential partners and established norms of behavior, social expectations etc; and men tend to be more offensive in flirting and initiating stuff) and i think if you never had a woman return your interest there is this doubt which is on top enforced by womens bisexuality often being questioned and mocked, something we internalise.

please feel free to reach out via direct message if you are comfortable with that, youre more than welcome to. and please, dont stress yourself! you have nothing to prove to anyone!

[starryseafo4m]

🎫 + isolde !!

YESYESYESYEES (okok I needed some time to gather my thoughts before I could answer cuz omfg I got so many things in my mind rn and I may or may not have gushed and ranted about her lore and upbringing more than me just simply loving her, so I deeply apologise if there are any grammatical errors!)

Okokokokokpk ISOLDEE, alright so first of all how the game portrayed her, her first appearance, her in the end of chapter 6, and her backstory

First things first, she, from the very beginning was introduced to us as a patient who is ill and unable to live a normal life due to hysteria(the story takes place in a era where hysteria was interpreted as a valid illness to be diagnosed with) and so ppl had pity on her from the very moment of her existence

Because! We see in the event "A small room" where we witness her backstory, we are first introduced to Isolde's mother and her deceased daughter (Isoldes older sister that has passed away) and once the others find out that after this tragedy, Isoldes mother was announced pregnant with her(Isolde), and so others pitied her when she wasn't even born yet!! Afterwards we are given an explanation that Isolde's family possesses the capability of talking to spirits but one of the ghosts that resented (not really but partially) was her older sister (and from what I understood it was because she wished she lived instead of her)

I can go in depth how much chapter 6 gave us in regards to Isolde that makes her such a complex and interesting character, she's neither good or bad she's so flawed but yet so pure intentioned because by the end of the day she desires a world where arcanists are not discriminated against by society, making her think that "the salvation" is the cure and liberation of all arcanists

And now my rant as my f/o. She is one of the most gorgeous individuals I have ever seen in my experience, I don't tend to believe in things such as "love at first sight" but I must admit this is how I felt when I first met her. At first she seemed like an untouchable force of nature above all beings but ever since understanding her she's much more divine because of her humanity and desire for her people to be happy. I would like to kiss every part of her face, every little eyelash, everything, I'd like to give her the most gentle of kisses and reassure that everything is going to be alright and that I'm not going anywhere (because after hearing her voice lines we can assume that she has attachment issues) I'd love to wake up next to her and pamper her with the softest of kisses and admire her beauty that lies in and out of her soul. If she's ever sick of the ghosts that haunt her, I, with the biggest pleasure would let half of her ghosts to haunt me so she'd feel the pleasure of a quiet undisturbed night

Thank you for coming to my yap fest<33 I really appreciate the liberty that I have gained now that my emotions are written down!!

[seriousbrat]

I saw your post about the love lives of boys, and I have a question: do you think James and Lily were each other’s first when it comes to sex and related things?

They were described as popular and attractive (at least Lily, for sure), so it's likely others would have their eyes on them.

I feel like it’s possible that Lily might have had a boyfriend before, but as a Muggleborn living during that time, I imagine she would’ve been very cautious about relationships to avoid being taken advantage of.

With James, it’s even harder to picture him having a girlfriend before Lily. Before puberty, he was probably too caught up in his friendships, moreover James and his friends became Animagi when they were around 15 or 16, so he had plenty of secrets to keep. By fifth year, he had a major crush on Lily (he was even doodling her initials on his exam paper — what a loser). Despite the common belief that he asked her out constantly, canon paints it differently. It seems like he wanted to ask her out for a while, but his Gryffindor bravery didn’t quite extend to girls, and when he finally did during that lake incident, it came out in the worst way possible.Since we know he went to the Dursleys' wedding before the end of the first semester of seventh year, it suggests he and Lily started dating at the beginning of their final year. For Lily to agree to date him, I think they must have developed a solid friendship in sixth year, which makes it doubtful that James would have risked losing that chance by dating other girls. I think it’s more likely that he went on a few dates or kissed a girl or two, but never really had a real girlfriend before Lily.

One of the most important things to remember is that wizarding society tends to be fairly conservative about relationships, and the UK in the 70s was generally quite traditional as well. So, I highly doubt that either James or Lily was casually sleeping around before they got together at 17. In fact, I think it’s completely normal to have your first real relationship at that age, even if that’s not a popular opinion nowadays.

Generally I don't like to believe they were each other's firsts-- personally I just don't find that idea at all romantic-- but also to be perfectly honest it wouldn't be that weird if that was the case, for many of the reasons you've outlined. It's just that I personally dislike the "being each other's firsts" trope so much that I can't write it lol

Usually, the way I write them, they've each perhaps dated a couple of people and have each had sex with one other person before they start going out, which I think is fairly realistic. Especially because they were both popular, outgoing, and lived in the very insular community of a boarding school. I do think that, considering their age, it would have been the first real sexual and romantic connection either of them had, which to me seems more important anyway.

I also doubt either of them was casually sleeping around previously to that-- not that there's anything wrong with that (i mean, I certainly can't talk lol) but like you said, by and large this would not have been very socially acceptable at the time, particularly for teenage girls, and considering the age they got married they both seem pretty traditionally monogamous lol. In my fic Lily doesn't have sex with her previous boyfriend Alfie at all, which is not abnormal for a teen relationship, but has her first time with an older muggle boy. I guess it depends how you see the characters-- although I do sometimes feel they're portrayed a little too adult in their approach to relationships and dating. Like there needs to be 10x more insecurity and awkwardness there haha

Weirdly a criticism I once received of my fic was that someone told me they preferred for James to have had a girlfriend during sixth year that Lily would be jealous of, and they disliked that I hadn't gone that route. While I actually did consider it at one point (it's such a classic jily trope) and I totally get why people like that as a plot point, it just didn't really feel right for his character in the end. And to me it felt quite realistic that he'd only have had one girlfriend before Lily. Also, like you, I tend to think that at the first whiff of Lily possibly being interested in him James probably wouldn't risk that chance by dating someone else lol.

So I guess my answer is somewhere in between; to me it doesn't feel realistic for them to be super experienced with multiple serious relationships under their belt, but personally I do prefer them to have "dabbled" a bit I guess. I think there's a balance between treating these teenage characters as adults with adult dating lives vs having them be completely inexperienced.

[nicistrying]

40-something yr old man, together with my wife for 20 years/married for 13 years. Not sure how old you or your man are, but I look back at my 20s and 30s and I was 100% the same (not cleaning up/etc).

No good explanations, not sure if it’s brain wiring or what, but things my lady would see needing done, I just wouldn’t see, or wouldn’t see as needing to be done, or wouldn’t see as needing to be done *right then.*

If it helps or gives you hope, I’ve evolved past it (mostly evolved, I’m sure she’d tell you that nobody’s perfect), largely (I think) after we became parents, and specifically after she had to travel for long periods (months) so I was left to tend house and be single-dad.

Relationships largely fall into one of two categories, either they get boring/stale/complacent, OR they take continuous care/nurturing/work by both people. As long as your relationship is safe and healthy, and you believe it’s headed in a positive direction, then far as I can tell you’re like most of us. Focus on the positives, and continue to work patiently on the things that need improvement. He may not be able to (or want to) articulate it, but there are things like this about you in his eyes too.

PS, Single parenting is the absolute hardest role an adult human can possibly have, it’s not ideal for the parent or the child(ren). But in a healthy loving environment, adversity can and often does lead to growth.

Thank you so much for taking the time to send this, I really appreciate the insight. We just got married, mid-20s and I just don't want to start off a marriage being all bitter about stupid things like housework which in the grand scheme of things aren't that important, he is super supportive and we get on really well together, literally everything else we share pretty equally and work together, we very rarely argue and we try to communicate before things fester. This is the only thing we really get stuck on.

I know there will absolutely be things that bug him about me too. Maybe we should sit down and have a roast or something and get all our frustrations out to laugh about them. I just don't know how to address it I think, I can laugh about it sometimes but the rest of the time I'll get in such a bad mood about it and just feel hurt that it gets left to me, but I don't say anything because I don't want to be a naggy wife.

He says the same thing, maybe he is wired different, I don't know. As a society are we still only telling girls that things need cleaned when you can see dirt and dust on them? Is it a deeper issue that I can't really blame him for? Is it his parents? I don't know. I don't want to disrespect him by trying to make him do housework that he doesn't think needs done. He's a grown man. But I can't understand how he would not think it needs done when the doors are muddy and the benches are covered in crumbs.. I don't know. I think I'm being overdramatic but I just really don't want to end up being one of those partners that constantly gripes about things and wrecks the relationship by being mean and bitter. I've seen it with older couples in my family and I'm determined not to end up the same.

I think you're right, I just need to patiently work at it and not let it get the better of me. We have a lovely relationship and I shouldn't let crumby benches get in the way of it.

Again thank you for this I really do appreciate it ❤️

[midnightdecembercoffee]

August 04, 2024

01:12 AM Confession:

I went out with this guy whom I’d met last Tuesday for another quick and temporary fix. Like before, it was comfortable and there were sniggers and chuckles in between. Although, I felt that something was different. Perhaps, we were just full from the Popeye’s meal we ate.

And I was only overthinking things.

After the stars burst in front of our eyes, a normal conversation followed as though he and I didn’t do what we just did. But he was not a boyfriend material, in my opinion. I was looking for more. Despite the easy and comfortable feeling around me, something was still missing. He and I would probably still talk for the sake of fun and something else.

We went for a coffee afterward. Our time got wasted from the long line and waiting as the cafe was filled with customers. But there was this another guy who wanted to meet me too. So, I bid goodbye to him for another one. Look how slutty I was. There was a hard beating in my chest. Excitement? I didn’t think so. It was more of worry as I would be meeting him inside his car. Hideous scenarios played in my head. And I didn’t want to be in the news with bold and screaming headlines that went like “Lonely and horny guy found dead; killed by a random stranger.” But the guy waited for me so I must show my brave face.

“Relax,” the buff guy said as I tried to put the seatbelt on. How could I when I was completely alone with a stranger inside a car? I thought to myself.

Honestly, I expected a car fun and I would probably oblige despite the pounding in my chest. But we ended up strolling around the wide awake city, with glimmering lights and random bustling strangers and speeding cars, with soft and crisp music playing the background as we talked about things about our lives and societies. He was older than me as he was about to turn 40 this year. It was probably the reason why my mind got stimulated with our conversation. He had his coffee while I drank hot chocolate in the Shell Cafe and we continued talking.

We didn’t have a steamy encounter but I had fun. But I wondered to myself if we would meet again.

I never thought that I would do something like this in my (very) early 30s. But as I age, my emotional capacity towards the things life threw at me tended to be smaller, and I just wanted to forget as much as possible. It hit me that after all the sighs, whispers, and pleasure, I was still alone. And despite the glorious sensations that coursed through my entirety, I still couldn’t remove the hands of melancholia wrapped around my heart. I still couldn’t escape the bitter truth of my predicament that my dreams were too broken and I couldn’t do anything about them. It shall too pass, as they said. But when?