#personally either way i dont think he ever got over lily lol. but he did actually get to know her as a person

[seriousbrat]

I saw your post about the love lives of boys, and I have a question: do you think James and Lily were each other’s first when it comes to sex and related things?

They were described as popular and attractive (at least Lily, for sure), so it's likely others would have their eyes on them.

I feel like it’s possible that Lily might have had a boyfriend before, but as a Muggleborn living during that time, I imagine she would’ve been very cautious about relationships to avoid being taken advantage of.

With James, it’s even harder to picture him having a girlfriend before Lily. Before puberty, he was probably too caught up in his friendships, moreover James and his friends became Animagi when they were around 15 or 16, so he had plenty of secrets to keep. By fifth year, he had a major crush on Lily (he was even doodling her initials on his exam paper — what a loser). Despite the common belief that he asked her out constantly, canon paints it differently. It seems like he wanted to ask her out for a while, but his Gryffindor bravery didn’t quite extend to girls, and when he finally did during that lake incident, it came out in the worst way possible.Since we know he went to the Dursleys' wedding before the end of the first semester of seventh year, it suggests he and Lily started dating at the beginning of their final year. For Lily to agree to date him, I think they must have developed a solid friendship in sixth year, which makes it doubtful that James would have risked losing that chance by dating other girls. I think it’s more likely that he went on a few dates or kissed a girl or two, but never really had a real girlfriend before Lily.

One of the most important things to remember is that wizarding society tends to be fairly conservative about relationships, and the UK in the 70s was generally quite traditional as well. So, I highly doubt that either James or Lily was casually sleeping around before they got together at 17. In fact, I think it’s completely normal to have your first real relationship at that age, even if that’s not a popular opinion nowadays.

Generally I don't like to believe they were each other's firsts-- personally I just don't find that idea at all romantic-- but also to be perfectly honest it wouldn't be that weird if that was the case, for many of the reasons you've outlined. It's just that I personally dislike the "being each other's firsts" trope so much that I can't write it lol

Usually, the way I write them, they've each perhaps dated a couple of people and have each had sex with one other person before they start going out, which I think is fairly realistic. Especially because they were both popular, outgoing, and lived in the very insular community of a boarding school. I do think that, considering their age, it would have been the first real sexual and romantic connection either of them had, which to me seems more important anyway.

I also doubt either of them was casually sleeping around previously to that-- not that there's anything wrong with that (i mean, I certainly can't talk lol) but like you said, by and large this would not have been very socially acceptable at the time, particularly for teenage girls, and considering the age they got married they both seem pretty traditionally monogamous lol. In my fic Lily doesn't have sex with her previous boyfriend Alfie at all, which is not abnormal for a teen relationship, but has her first time with an older muggle boy. I guess it depends how you see the characters-- although I do sometimes feel they're portrayed a little too adult in their approach to relationships and dating. Like there needs to be 10x more insecurity and awkwardness there haha

Weirdly a criticism I once received of my fic was that someone told me they preferred for James to have had a girlfriend during sixth year that Lily would be jealous of, and they disliked that I hadn't gone that route. While I actually did consider it at one point (it's such a classic jily trope) and I totally get why people like that as a plot point, it just didn't really feel right for his character in the end. And to me it felt quite realistic that he'd only have had one girlfriend before Lily. Also, like you, I tend to think that at the first whiff of Lily possibly being interested in him James probably wouldn't risk that chance by dating someone else lol.

So I guess my answer is somewhere in between; to me it doesn't feel realistic for them to be super experienced with multiple serious relationships under their belt, but personally I do prefer them to have "dabbled" a bit I guess. I think there's a balance between treating these teenage characters as adults with adult dating lives vs having them be completely inexperienced.

[taehyungs-perm]

strawberry girl pt 2

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 11k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here

part 1 here  part 3 here; part 4 here; part 5

playlist vibes 

electric | alina baraz ft khalid

goodnight n go | ariana grande

here | alessia cara

teenage dream | katy perry 

floating | alina baraz ft khalid

singularity | bts

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You woke up in a panic to the shrill sound of your phone alarm. You turned over to your side to shut off the alarm, briefly glancing at your roommate’s empty bed. 10:34. You rubbed your eyes while yawning, you had a restless night of sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about Taehyung. You felt butterflies in your heart when you thought back to last night: the way he called you cute, the way he hugged you, the way he nuzzled the crook of your neck. But those warm feelings were immediately squashed when your phone buzzed. 

Tae: hey so i got a bit held up but i just need to shower and ill be at lilys! I’m sorry!! 🥺

Then, you remembered what actually went down last night. Jennie telling you Taehyung would never even look at someone like you, some girl grinding on Taehyung, and, oh yea, the fact that he fucked some girl last night and that’s definitely the reason why he’s late this morning. Your mind was swimming with thoughts. You exhaled deeply and sat up in your bed, staring at your wall covered in polaroids. Taehyung doesn't like me. Why would he like me? You’ve seen the girls he’s been with. They are so beautiful. How could someone like you even compare? 

You fell back into your pillows and wrapped your arms around your fluffy white pillow, hugging it. And you don’t like him either. You can’t. Because you can’t handle all the pain that comes with it. Your phone buzzed again.

Tae: should be there in 10

You: same

It was definitely a lie but you doubted Taehyung would be on time.

Tae: ur lying. Ur def just lying in ur bed. Bet ur still in pajamas 

How the fuck did he know you so well. 

You: 🖕🏽 

Tae: 🥰

God, he is such a headass you thought, shaking your head. You managed to pull yourself out of bed but all the while you got ready, you kept thinking about him. You wondered if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. Probably not. 

You were definitely 20 minutes late but you really didn’t care since it was just Taehyung. You pulled open the door of the diner and inhaled the scent of freshly cooked waffles and fried eggs. You scanned the restaurant and saw Taehyung sitting in a corner booth. He was wearing a light grey sweatshirt. You loved that sweatshirt. You thought he always looked adorable wearing it. You walked over and sat across from him. He was so absorbed in his texts that he didn’t notice you sit down. 

You stared at him and he still didn’t look up. Annoyed, you huffed loudly but he still was preoccupied in his phone. 

Fine. He’s being a little bitch then. You leaned over and flicked his forehead and he yelped loudly. 

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” He said whining.

You huffed, “Oh shut up. I’ve been sitting here for like ever and you've been just staring at your phone.” 

He was rubbing his forehead, “Sorry I didn’t mean to ignore you. It’s just like there’s a lot happening at once.” 

You were about to ask him what was going on but then the waitress came by to take your orders.

You ordered chocolate chip waffles and Taehyung ordered 4 different dishes. You glared at him as the waitress took your menus away. 

“What? I’m hungry.” he said innocently.

“Whatever. You're paying. Anyways, what’s going on?” 

“Oh yea, so like we just have this huge game coming up next week. It’s against our rival school and it’s the championship game.”

You interrupted “It’s the championship game already?”

He gruffed, “You would know if you came to any of my games.” 

Oh shit. Taehyung had been asking you to come to at least one of his games, but you had been brushing it off. You had been giving him the excuse of having too much school work. The truth was you didn’t really want to go to his games and see his personal cheerleading squad on their knees for him. Hana went to a few games to see Jungkook play and she told you about them. Jennie was the leader of the group of the three girls and they were at every game, wearing their cheerleading uniforms, screaming Taehyung's name. The very notion of it made you feel nauseous so you just avoided going to any of his games just so you didn’t have to witness it. It’s not that you had a direct issue with the girls themselves but they were just a reminder that Taehyung would never look at you the same way he looked at them. 

“Oh sorry. I told you it w-“

He interjected, “Yea, I know you said you needed to study.” He looked upset. Fuck. The words came out of your mouth before you realized, “I promise I’ll be there for the game next Saturday.” 

His eyes lit up, “Really?”

You nodded, “Okay so continue.”

“Yea, so we are all really stressed about the game and like Hobi hyung wants us to practice everyday for like 3 to 4 hours until the big game. But like I’m trying to take school more seriously now, and I don’t know how I can manage that much soccer on top of school. Namjoon hyung is on my side but like there’s just this huge argument in our group chat right now.” Taehyung was rubbing circles on the temples of his head. 

His phone started buzzing, like he received a chain of texts. Then he growled. You were in shock. You had never seen Taehyung this pissed off before. 

“Then this fucking girl won’t leave me alone.”

You were kind of scared but you asked in a calm voice, “What girl?”

“The girl from last night. She keeps fucking texting me. She won’t stop.” 

“What’s she saying?”

“She keeps asking to hang out. And I don’t want to. I told her last night before anything happened that this was just a hookup. Just sex. And if she wanted something more or if she wasn’t okay with that, then I would stop. But she said she was fine with it. Then it took me forever for her to get out of my room this morning.”

“Taehyung!”

“What? “

“You kicked her out? That’s so mean!”

“I didn’t kick her out. I just said I had shit to do so I needed to get ready. But she wanted to stay and I thought she wanted to fuck again and like we did which is why I was late. But she’s still texting me. And I told her nicely that I just wanted to stay friends, but she’s relentless!”

“If she’s bothering you that much, just block her number.” 

“Can I? Would that be mean?”

“Well...kinda but like if she’s causing you stress then it’s fair.”

“Okay bet.”

He instantly looked relieved. He was about to say something but then the waitress arrived with your food.

After hearing about Taehyungs fuckboi antics from last night and apparently this morning, you suddenly lost your appetite. You started slowly cutting small pieces of your waffle. 

Taehyung asked in a concerned voice “Hey. Why aren’t you eating?”

“Oh. I’m just stressed. About school.”

Taehyung pointed his fork at you with his mouth full of waffles, “You need to find a stress outlet.”

You rolled your eyes, “I do have a stress outlet. I bake.”

He covered his mouth with his hand, laughing, “Clearly that’s doing jack shit. You need something better.”

You threw your hands up, exasperated, “What then? What do you suggest for a stress reliever?” Even though the cause of your lack of appetite wasn’t stress, you did feel like picking up new habits could help with your overall anxieties. 

Taehyung looked you straight in the eyes and said confidently, “Dick.”

You choked at his bluntness, “Excuse me?”

He shrugged and continued to shovel waffles in his mouth, “You need dick. You’re so tightly wound up. You just need some dick to relax”

You scoffed at his words, “Taehyung, unlike you my life doesn’t revolve around sex okay? I’m honestly doing perfectly fine on my own.”

He looked at you with serious concern, “Okay, tell me this when’s the last time you got laid.”

Oh god, you were not going to tell Taehyung about your completely nonexistent sex and romantic life. 

You forced your eyes to the table, looking at the marble pattern, “Uh it’s been awhile.”

He asked curiously, “How long like 2 weeks? Or..”

You moved your eyes to your plate and said quietly, “I don’t know.”

You were staring at the syrup patterns in your waffle and Taehyung seemed to be getting fed up, “Cmon _____ I tell you about my life, just tell me.”

You snapped, angrily glaring at him, “Taehyung it’s really fucking hard to get laid when you haven’t even kissed a guy yet.” 

You saw his eyes widen in shock. 

This is so fucking embarrassing. You covered your face with your hands, mortified.

Great now he thinks I’m a prude or a weirdo. With your million thoughts running through your mind, you realized that Taehyung was silent this whole time.

You couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore, “Okay, I’m going to leave since like it’s really fucking awkward now.” You began to slide out of the booth, but then Taehyung grabbed your hand, “No! Sorry I didn’t mean to make it weird. I’m just shocked I guess.”

You sunk back down into the booth seat and snatched your hand away from him. 

“I don’t really think it’s a big deal that you haven’t done anything but like is there a reason why?”

“I dunno. School is just like all I focus on so it’s kept me busy.” 

“That’s such bullshit. School doesn’t occupy every waking moment of your life so there’s obviously more to it.”

You racked your brain. There were many reasons why. One of them sitting across the table in front of you. You could give him a partial truth. You sighed and fiddled with your fingers, “Because I want my firsts to be with someone I love. I’m so scared of regretting it if I just gave away those special moments to someone who didn’t actually care about me.” You paused then continued, “It’s dumb I know.”

Taehyung smiled, “That’s not dumb at all. I had no idea you were a romantic.”

You squinted at him, “Yea well if you tell anyone I will personally see to it that Hoseok makes you run laps until you puke.”

Taehyung rubbed his forehead with his hand, “You give a fucking headache you know that right? There’s this one side of you that’s like an innocent naive romantic and there’s the other side of you that will start a fight with anyone who underestimates you.”

You took your straw wrapper, crumbled it, and flicked it at Taehyung, “Fuck off. I’m not that complicated.”

He, of course, dodged it, “It’s okay cause I’m the only who knows both sides of you” he said with a wink. 

You internally winced because he had no idea how right he was.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You left the diner about 20 minutes later as Taehyung said he had soccer practice soon and you needed to get some work done. You were going through your mental checklist of things that needed to be done: I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some actual food I need to revise for chemistry because there’s an exam coming up. You were so invested in your thoughts that as you unlocked your room door you didn’t hear the distinct voices coming from inside. 

Your thoughts of your checklist were interrupted as you saw Hana and Jungkook laying in her bed (fully clothed thank god).

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped at the sight. At the beginning of their friends with benefits relationship, Hana made it very clear to Jungkook, they would never hook up in her room. As a result, Jungkook had never been over. You knew Jungkook from your writing course. You and him worked together sometimes, but you two weren’t close friends. 

“Hey _____,” Jungkook said from the bed, in a casual voice.

“Um hey Jungkook,” you tried to say as calmly as possible because, internally, you were freaking out. If he was here, it meant something had definitely changed with Hana and Jungkook’s relationship at the frat party last night. You made eye contact with Hana and her face was completely red.

“So where were you this morning ________?” Hana said, trying to maintain a calm demeanor.

You set your purse on the swivel chair next to your desk and held up your bag of uneaten waffles, “I was at breakfast with Tae.”

“Oh nice. Are those.... leftovers?” Jungkook said in an innocent voice.

You threw the bag at him and he caught it, “Go for it. I didn’t really have much of an appetite.”

“Bet thanks,” he said, opening the paper bag and pulling out the cardboard box containing your chocolate chip waffles.

Hana looked disgusted and exclaimed, “You are not eating on my bed and getting crumbs everywhere!” Before Jungkook could retort, Hana pushed him to the ground.

“Ouch!” He said rubbing his leg that he bumped against the side of the bed. 

The room was awkwardly silent because you and Hana were both staring at each other, trying your best not to laugh at the situation. 

Jungkook broke the silence in a careful tone with a mouth full of waffles,”I thought Taehyung was...ya know..with someone.” He looked back and forth between you and Hana.

You said quietly, “Yea...he was.”

Hana folded her arms across her chest and said forcefully, “I don’t get him, _______. Like he literally doesn’t make any sense. I saw him last night. He was being so flirty with you. But then he goes and fucks some random girl? He’s just making things so confusing for you.”

You sighed and looked at the ground, “There isn’t anything to be confused about. He doesn’t like me. And I don’t like him. We’re just friends.”

“Well, why do you sound so sad then?” Jungkook asked from the ground. Fuck I forgot he was here.

You snapped, “I’m not sad. I’m fine. I don’t give a shit about who Taehyung hooks up with.”

Jungkook raises his hands in defeat, “Okay okay. But like I want to say, I’ve spent a lot of time with Taehyung these past few months and I’ve never seen him happier. And I know it’s cause you are in his life again. I don’t really know what his feelings are but I do know that you mean a lot to him.”

What does that mean? Does that mean he could maybe like me? No that’s crazy. He’s still fucking different girls every weekend. He couldn’t do that if he had feelings for me. 

Hana shook her head, “I don’t know. This all feels really weird to me. Boys are so fucking oblivious. Men are trash.” Jungkook looked up at her and pouted. 

“Except for you...I guess” she said looking down at him

You were so shocked at what was happening in front of so you just blurted out, “Okay I really need to ask because I’m so fucking weirded out right now, but are you two together?”

Jungkooks jaw dropped and he turned to face Hana. He said, hurt, “You didn’t tell ________ about us?”

“Oh shut up Jungkook. We’ve literally been together since last night. When would I have told her?“

You cleared your throat, “Wait wait just to clarify....you two are dating?”

Jungkook stood up and wrapped his arms around Hana tightly,“Yep she’s my girlfriend.”

Hana nodded weakly, “Yea I’m dating this idiot.”

You clapped your hands together, “Oh my gosh I’m so happy for you two! I’ve been rooting for this since Jungkook sent you that candy bouquet.”

Jungkook's phone started ringing and he looked at you, “It’s your man.” He answered the call before you could say anything.

 “Hey man, what’s up?” Jungkook paused before his eyes widened in realization, “Oh fuck I completely forgot. I’ll be there now.”  

He hung up the call and quickly started putting on his shoes and jacket, “I forgot we had a practice scheduled for today. I’m so fucking late.” 

Hana rolled her eyes, “You are so clueless” 

Jungkook was about to leave but he walked over to Hana and planted a kiss on her cheek, “I’m your clueless boyfriend now.” 

You saw her cheeks turn red and you knew she was head over heels for Jeon Jungkook. 

“Ugh just go to practice,” she said trying to remain cool. 

“Bye ______! Bye, love! I’ll text you when I’m done.” he slammed the door shut.

You turned to Hana and smiled widely teasingly, “Someone’s in loveeee.” 

“God I hate this,” Hana said, drowning her face in a pillow. 

“You’re so whipped. But good thing he’s a simp too. You’re both perfect for each other.”

She removed her face from the pillow and looked at you with a love struck gaze, “I am so whipped. I really like him ________. And I really like being with him. I never thought I would say this but he makes me really happy.”

Your heart melted at her words. Hana was only this sappy when she really meant it. You felt a sudden ping of sadness in your heart. It’s not that you didn’t want it. You wanted love. You wanted romance. But in order for any of that to happen, someone has to like you back. Someone has to want you in that way. And that’s only something that could happen in your dreams because you had always been the girl no one had a crush on. So your fairytale romance was something that was unattainable for you. You knew if you voiced these thoughts to Hana, she would tell you that you needed to try first. That you needed to actually tell that special someone that you liked them. But you couldn’t do that because you were so afraid of rejection, so afraid of letting someone in and having them walk right out.

She noticed your change in expression softly, “Hey. What’s actually going on with Taehyung?” 

You laid flat on your bed and exhaled deeply, “I don’t know. I just know I feel really unsure but I really don’t think I like him. I also think I need to stop hanging out with him.” 

She didn't press further, “If you think that’s what you need, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you Hana.” You were glad she didn’t start any arguments with you. She just listened to your wishes. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You had been sitting in the library all morning trying to avoid Taehyung. Just all of the things that he did this past week had been making you feel ~things~ but you felt sure that you didn’t like him. You knew if you hid out in the library Taehyung would never find you mostly because you were certain he had never stepped foot in the library. You told Hana where you were and made her promise to not tell Taehyung so you were quite surprised when you heard a chair pull out in front of you and there was Taehyung and his mischievous smile.

“Hey strawberry girl,” he said plopping down in the chair in front of you.

You asked in a concerning tone, “Taehyung.... you realize you’re in the library right? Like you aren’t lost?” 

He was wearing black sweatpants with a plain white t-shirt. He looked like the dictionary definition of a fuckboi with his backwards black SnapBack on. With a confident smile on his face as he took out his laptop from his bag he stated, “Nope I’m exactly where I need to be.”

Alright what game is he playing? “What the fuck are you doing here?” you said in a harsh whisper. 

“You know what I realized? Everyone thinks you’re this naive innocent girl but I swear we have not had a single conversation where you didn’t say fuck.” He saw your pissed off face and then went on to say, “But if you are so curious, I’m here to do work. You’ve bailed on me all week claiming you had ‘work’ so here I am. You’ve really forced my hand. Bringing me to the library to study. Imagine that.”

“Taehyung, I came here to do work alone because you always distract me.”You looked up from your books and noticed the sly glint in his eye and realized what you had done. But it was too late. 

Taehyung broke out into his signature huge smile and said, “Oh so you find me distracting?”

“That’s not what I meant Taehyung. I mea-”

He ran his hand through his hair and raised his eyebrow at you, “Is it because of my insanely good looks or because of my witty charms?”

You dropped your head against the notebook lying out in front of you and then looked Taehyung directly in the eyes saying, “God, I hate you”

He raised his eyebrow in a cocky manner with a wide grin on his face, “You're lying.” 

“Oh fuck off.”

“It’s okay cause I know you love me.”

Your stomach did a flip flop. You caught yourself; he didn’t know anything because there was nothing to know. 

“How the fuck did you know I was here?” you said exasperated.

“Your best friend has a weak will. Maybe don’t trust her with secrets.” He then did his annoying wink that always sent chills up your spine. 

Why did Hana tell him? Whatever. It was too late now. You resumed taking your notes and luckily Taehyung was able to do his work quietly. 

You became absorbed in your biology textbook until you heard a squeal, “Taehyung!”

You looked up and saw a really pretty girl standing by your table. She looked vaguely familiar but you couldn’t place where exactly you had seen her. She had a huge smile on her face as she was intently staring at Taehyung. 

Taehyung looked up from his laptop with a bit of a shocked expression on his face. He glanced at you quickly and then looked at the girl, “oh hey Eunjae.”

She was twirling the front strand of her hair with her finger and giggled, “What are you doing here at the library? I’ve never seen you here before.”

He chuckled nervously and nodded his head to you, “I’m here studying with _________.”

She turned her head to you and flashed a gorgeous smile. You gave a smile back and then went back to looking at your notebook. “So what are you studying?” She said leaning her hands on the table, craning her neck to see his laptop. 

“Um I’m working on a paper. It’s due next week so I’m trying to work on it before I get busy with practice,” Taehyung said, typing on his computer. 

“Oh yea! The championship is next Saturday. I’m so excited to be there to cheer for you! I've been to every game this season so I would never miss your biggest game!” Eunjae said gushingly.

“Oh wow. That’s really nice of you to come to every game.” Taehyung said.

Ugh. If he’s going to flirt, why does he have to do it in front of me? You tried hard to focus on your biology notes but the conversation between Eunjae and Taehyung was especially distracting. You were hoping she would leave soon so you could study in peace but once she pulled out the chair next to Taehyung to sit down, you knew she wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. 

You tried to tune out their conversation but something Eunjae said caught your attention. You weren’t sure exactly how Eunjae and Taehyung knew each other. You figured it was because she came to every game but even Taehyung didn’t know that. Then she said softly, but definitely loud enough for you to hear, “You know, Tae, I had a really good time with you last weekend. I was wondering if we could maybe hang out this weekend or something.”

Last weekend? Then it clicked. Eunjae was the girl at the frat party. She was the girl who was sitting on Taehyung's lap. I guess Taehyung never actually blocked her number. Of course he wouldn’t. She’s a really pretty girl giving him attention. You internally rolled your eyes. 

You heard Taehyung clear his throat, “Uh yea. That sounds good. But like this would be just as friends?“

She gave a high pitch laugh “Of course! I just want us to be friends. And then I mean, whatever happens, happens right?”

Taehyung said, “Yea I mean that’s fine with me.”

You hoped the conversation would end there because it was becoming excruciatingly awkward for you since both of them were blatantly ignoring your presence. But of course it didn’t end there, and Eunjae began talking about the cheer team to Taehyung. 

You didn’t want to be rude but you honestly felt yourself losing brain cells at this conversation. 

You had enough of their flirting because it was distracting you from doing your work. Not because you were jealous or anything. You closed your notebook and started packing your stuff. The sound of your backpack zipper caught Taehyung's attention and snapped him out of his conversation with Eunjae. 

“Hey _______ you're done studying?”

You didn’t really wanna want to get into a conversation with Taeyhyung so you simply nodded.

But of course Taehyung wasn’t satisfied, “So what are you doing now?”

You rolled your eyes. Why couldn’t he for once mind his own business? Eunjae desperately wanted his attention. Why couldn’t he just give it to her and not involve you?

“Back to my dorm.” you said not looking at him. “Bye Eunjae. Bye Tae.” And you stalked off.

You didn’t look back at him. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were going to murder Hana. You told her specifically not to tell Taehyung where you were. But what did she do? She told taehyung.

You burst your room dorm open and there she was laying on her bed, with her laptop balanced on her knees.

You smiled sweetly at her, “Hana, I'm going to kill you.”

“Perfect, because I’m really sick of studying for chemistry and if you could kill me before our exam next Wednesday, that would be great.” she said excitedly. 

You dumped your stuff on the ground and jumped onto your bed, “Maybe then I won’t kill you, so you can suffer.” 

She laughed, “Okay okay but what did I do?”

You tapped your index finger to your cheek, pretending to think, “Um...lemme jog your memory. Did a certain headass ask where I was today?”

Her smile dropped from her face, “Oh fuck.”

“Yea oh fuck. I told you that no matter what, Kim Taehyung was to not find me. What happened?” you exclaimed as you slammed your head against your pillow. 

Hana sat up straight in her bed, crossing her legs beneath her, “I’m sorry okay! I really did try to keep it a secret but he came over here because you weren't answering your phone. And I told him you were busy and he just kept on badgering me. I ended up telling him to shut him up.”

“Ugh. He actually came here? That’s so gross. Did he say what he wanted?”

“No he just said he needed to see you. Did he ask you anything at the library?”

You thought about it for a minute, “No he didn’t ask me anything.”

“Well then,” Hana said in a smug voice, crossing her arms. 

You turned your head to face her, “What?”

“It’s obvious _______.”

“What’s obvious?”

“Oh my gosh how are you this dense? He likes you.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “He doesn’t.”

“Cmon _______. When he came in here he was begging for me to tell him where you were, it was annoying but he was so genuine. I can tell there’s something.”

“There’s nothing.” you said flatly, turning away from Hana.

She said insistingly, “Why are you being so negative about this? He’s trying so much with you!”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, “Hana, I can’t fucking like him. I did once and it fucked me over.”

She went quiet. “What happened?”

“When we were highschool, I liked him. I’m pretty sure I loved Tae. And I was so sure he felt the same way. He gave me so much attention just like now. He cared about me so much. I was so convinced he liked me too. And when I was going to tell him, he said he started dating someone. And that someone became his forever for highschool. It fucking hurted so much, seeing him with her. It broke my heart over and over. And I just needed to get the fuck away from him. Because the worst part was, he had no fucking idea I was hurting so bad. So yea, I don’t think he likes me and even so, I don’t like him anymore. I honestly don’t have the emotional capacity to fall in love again.”

Hana whispered, “I’m sorry. I think you’ve moved on and I don’t want you to go through it again. Whatever it is, I’ll be there for you. I’ll help you keep your distance from Taehyung.”

You opened your eyes and looked at her. You were so grateful to have such an understanding friend like Hana,  “Thanks. You’re such a good friend.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your plan to keep distance from Taehyung was going down the drain really quickly. It started off with an unlikely text.

Jimin: hey ________ this is last minute but i had an idea. This is jimin btw.

Jimin texting you was a bit out of place. You had only exchanged brief hellos and words when you encountered each other. 

You: hey jimin. whats ur idea 

Jimin: taes birthday is during break so I was thinking we could surprise him and celebrate it early. 

You: when were you thinking 

Jimin: this Saturday. That way we can all have some fun before finals and the soccer match 

This Saturday was a bit soon but you figured if anyone could pull it off, it was Jimin. 

You: sounds good. But we better start planning right away

Jimin: already on it. Jin hyung said we could use his apartment 

Kim Seokjin. You hadn’t personally met the guy but you knew he was on the soccer team and in the BTS frat. However, since he was a senior, he lived in an apartment off campus. 

You: bet. We need to figure out food, desserts, and invites 

Jimin: do you want to meet up tonight to figure out all the details 

You: sure. 

Jimin: you can come by the frat tonight. Taehyung will probably be out.

After finishing some homework, you grabbed your jacket and walked over to the BTS frat. As you approached the door, you saw Jungkook and Hana leaving. 

“_______? Are you here to see Taehyung? I think he just left,”  she said with concerning eyes.

“Hey Hana. I’m actually here to see Jimin.”

Her mouth gaped open but before she could ask you any questions Jungkook pulled her along.

“Sorry, love, but you can interrogate ______ later. We’re going to be late!”

“Bye Hana! “ you called as she waved bye.

You walked into the house and saw Jimin sitting there with Namjoon and Hoseok. You knew Namjoon because he was your biology lab TA. He had helped you with many frustrating biology labs and he was probably the only reason why you were passing the class. You only heard about Hobi from Tae’s stories of soccer practice. 

“Hey_____!” `Jimin called motioning for you to sit down.

“Hey,” you gave a little wave to all of them. 

Hobi smiled brightly “I don’t think we’ve met properly but I’m Hobi. “

You smiled and introduced yourself to him. 

“Finished with your biology lab presentation?” Namjoon said with his dimpled smile. 

You chuckled nervously and brushed your hair behind your ear “Uhh working on it. It’s taking much longer than I thought it would.”

“Phylum Nematoda is definitely a hard topic because there’s not that much information,” he said understandingly.

“I know and it’s jus-“

Jimin interjected your incoming rant, “As riveting biology lab is, we are here for a reason.”

“Right! So Yoongi is taking care of the catering. He has a family restaurant that he claims served the best korean food in the area so we don’t need to worry about that,” Hobi said reading off his phone.

“And Jimin knows all of Taehyung's friends so he will take care of all the invites,” Namjoon said.

“And all there’s left is the theme and desserts,” Jimin confidently stated.

You were confused “Theme? Why do we need a theme?”

“It would be fun ________!” Jimin said. “It can be lowkey but I was thinking we should do a formal theme. To appeal to Taehyung's bougie side.”

You thought for a moment and nodded, “Taehyung honestly does love getting dressed up.”

Hobi stood up from the couch and said, “Okay so then it’s settled. Everything is planned.”

Namjoon laughed and you chimed in, “Not yet. But I can take care of the last part. I’ll order a cake for Taehyung and have it delivered to Jin’s apartment.”

Jimin stood up and stretched his arms, “Okay, now everything is planned.”

You got up and said goodbye to Namjoon and Hobi as Jimin walked with you to the door. 

Jimin smiled at you, “Thanks for coming and helping us plan this. Taehyung’s going to love it. He’ll definitely surprised”

You both stepped outside and stood on the porch. “I mean I’m not sure how much I’m doing but I'm glad to help,” You said with a light laugh. 

“Well we’ll try to clean up Jin hyung’s apartment and decorate it on Saturday before the party. If you're free, we could definitely use the help then.”

“Yea I’ll be there. You can text me the details.”

You were about to head down the steps and say bye to Jimin when you saw Taehyung and someone else walking up to the house. 

You were trying to see if there was maybe a way you could hide from him or leave from a side path but it was too late. Taehyung had seen you.

“_______! You’re here? You didn’t tell me you would be coming over” he said walking onto the porch. You didn’t recognize the girl he was with but with her arms wrapped around Taehyung, it was clear that they were going to hook up. 

You gave Jimin a panicked look. Before you could say anything Jimin put his arm around your shoulder, just like how Taehyung did at the party, and said, “Well she wasn’t here to see you. She was here to hang out with me.”

You smiled weakly ,“Yep. Jimin and I were just studying chemistry. We have an exam coming up/”

“Yep chemistry,” he said nodding.

Taehyung had a weird look as if he were mad or something. His eyes lit up with a dangerous, angry glint that sent a shiver down your spine, “Oh. That’s nice. I didn’t realize you guys studied together.” 

You knew Taehyung well enough to know that he was using his fake polite voice. Jimin glanced at you and you realized he also knew that Taehyung was angry.

“I just was having some trouble and _______ said she would help.” 

Taehyung's eyes narrowed, “Maybe you should just get a tutor next time.”

You could sense the tension escalating, “Yea that’s probably for the best. I don’t think I was very helpful anyways.”

Taehyung opened his mouth to say some retort but the girl by his side whined, “Taehyung, can we please go inside?”

You smirked. Taehyung had been kind of irritating you with his weird interrogation so you plastered a fake smile and said in a fake sweet voice “Yea Taehyung. You should go inside. It’s getting cold out here. Bye Jimin.” You waved bye to Jimin and gave a glare to Taehyung.

God, boys give you a fucking migraine.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Taehyung had been in that weird fight for about a day before things went back to normal. He just texted you as if nothing happened 

Tae: are you busy Saturday night?

Saturday evening was Taehyung's surprise party so hopefully he wasn’t making plans then.

You: uh not sure yet. What’s up?

Tae: the guys are having a dinner to like get hyped for the game next week. Do u wanna come?

Ah. That must have been the excuse to get Taehyung to Jin’s apartment.

You: lolll no way. but try to have fun and not stress out about the game 

Tae: ugh ig. wish you wanted to come tho :(

You: we can hang out some another time. 

Tae: you say that EVERYTIME.

You: i mean it this time 

Tae: i’m holding you to it 🍓 girl

You turned off your phone and tried to fall asleep but the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart kept you awake. The sound of your phone ringing woke you up. 

You answered the phone groggily “Hello?”

“_______? Did you just wake up? I told you I was going to pick you up at 9:30!”

You looked at your phone. 9:21. Fuck. 

“I’m up and ready Jimin. No need to freak out.”

“Good cause I’ll be there in five.”

Hana groaned from her bed, “Why are you up this early?” 

“I have to go help set up but I should be back by 4.”

“You better. We have to get ready together.”

You quickly brushed, washed your face, and pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie. By the time you had your shoes on, Jimin was texting you to come outside. You said bye to Hana and raced out the door. You spotted Jimin waving in his black Audi and jumped in the car. You and Jimin chatted on the way there. You found yourself actually enjoying Jimin's company. He was very smart which you already knew since he was taking the same pre-med courses as you but he was also very sweet and funny. He pulled up to a very tall apartment building and you both got out of the car. You helped take out some of the boxes from Jimin's trunk that had tablecloths, plates, and other silverware. You two made your way up to the 7th floor where Jin lived. Jimin led you to his door and knocked. The door swung open and there was Kim seokjin. 

“Jimin! You’re late! It’s 9:41 and you said you would be here by 9:40.”

“Shut up, hyung,” he said, shaking his head.

You got a good look at Jin and he looked like he came off of the vogue runway with his blue button down tucked into brown slacks. Were all of Taehyung's friends seriously good looking? You finally understood why there was so much hype around them. They were all hardworking, handsome, but also genuinely kind, funny, down to earth guys. 

Jin took the box from your arms and said, “You must be ________. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Jin. I’m the most handsome and funny one of the BTS frat.”

You were taken aback by his forward ness but went along with his comment, “I mean your only competition is Taehyung and Jimin so no wonder that is.”

He laughed loudly, “See even she agrees and she just met me Jimin.”

Jimin rolled his eyes as he put down the boxes, “You can’t encourage him. It’ll only get worse”

Jimin, Jin and you cleaned his apartment and began to decorate. After listening to what it seemed like the 30th dad joke from Jin, you heard the doorbell ring. Jimin went over to the door and it was a guy who looked like Jin’s age carrying foil covered trays. He was wearing an oversized flannel and black skinny jeans. 

“I brought the food but there’s still a shit ton more trays in my car,” he said as he entered. 

He placed the trays in the kitchen and looked at you, “Who are you?”

“I’m _______” you said as you took the tray Jimin handed to you.

“Ah you're Taehyungie's girl. I’m yoongi, one of his hyungs on the team.”

You placed the tray on the table, “Nice to meet you. But I’m not Taehyung's girl. Just a friend.”

He laughed, “Maybe you should tell him that. He’s constantly talking about you. ________ made me cupcakes. ________ helped me study. ________ went to breakfast with me.“

You fought back a blush and said in a bored tone, “Yea well, We’re just friends. He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. I’m so sure at this party he won’t even talk to me. I bet he’ll be busy with Jennie or something.” You felt like Taehyung always got distracted with other people whenever you guys went out. That’s why it always ended with you ditching Taehyung. 

“Really? I’ll take that bet. $20?” Yoongi stuck out his hand.

“Bet,” you said, shaking his hand. “He has to imitate the conversation and it can’t be small talk.”

Yoongi nodded in agreement picking up a tray and putting it in the oven,“Can’t wait to make $20 tonight.”

“In your dreams.” you said as you helped him put another tray in the oven.

The cake you ordered got delivered and Jin placed the large strawberry chocolate cake in the fridge. 

Since everything was ready, you and Jimin were about to head out from Jin's apartment. 

Hobi called from the kitchen in a stern voice, “You both have to be here by 7:30 otherwise I will make you run laps.” 

You and Jimin laughed and said goodbye to Hobi.

By the time you got to your dorm, you were kinda exhausted but Hana wouldn't hear it.

“Get up!” She said tugging your arm as you laid on your bed. You reluctantly got up and got ready with Hana. Hana had to force you to actually buy a nice outfit for Taehyung's birthday because you had left most of your nice clothing at home. You helped lace up the back of Hana’s dress and looked at her in admiration. She was wearing a satin navy blue dress that coordinated perfectly with Jungkook's navy suit. 

You opted for a floor length skirt that was black with dark pink and white flowers and simple black top. 

Once you and Hana were finally ready your phone read 7:15. Hana and you raced out the door after putting on your shoes and found Jungkook leaning against his car outside. 

He walked up to Hana and placed a kiss on her cheek and smiled, “Wow, love, you look...so beautiful. I mean you always do but wow.”

Hana gave a shy laugh ,“You have such a way with words. You look handsome too, I guess. C'mon we have to go! Hobi is going to kill us.”

Jungkook opened the door for Hana and looked at you and smirked, “Wow ________ not wearing jeans. It’s a fucking miracle. But I guess she’ll do anything for Tae. Am I right?” 

He opened the door for you and you narrowed your eyes at him, “I suggest you watch it Jeon Jungkook if you still want me to proofread your next essay.” 

He smirked at you as he hopped into the driver's seat and drove to Jin's apartment. 

You hadn’t realized how many people Jimin invited until you went up into Jin's apartment. Jimin had invited, of course, Jennie and the cheerleading squad, some guys from some other frats like EXO and ATEEZ and sororities like TWICE and LOONA. It honestly felt like way too many people but Taehyung was a social butterfly.

By 8:00 Namjoon arrived at Jin's apartment with Taehyung in tow. The surprise went well but you couldn’t really see much as you lingered in the back of the crowd with Yoongi. 

“You know you can’t actively hide from Taehyung. That’s not a part of the bet,” Yoongi said as he shoved his hands in his dress pants pockets. 

“I’m not actively hiding. I just don’t like crowds,” You said shrugging your shoulders. 

Yoongi nodded, understanding the feeling. You got a glimpse of Taehyung and he looked like he just got off of a photo shoot for GQ with his black curly hair and silver earrings. He was wearing a fitting black suit with white shirt and black Tie. Instead of a handkerchief, he had a dark pink carnation pinned to his suit jacket. He was saying hello to everyone, greeting all of his guests in a friendly manner and genuinely chatting with them. You really liked that about Taehyung. He obviously had his people he didn’t like but he was always kind to everyone. He was heading in your direction but Taehyung got pulled aside by Jennie. She pulled him to the couch and practically sat on top of him. Jennie looked really pretty wearing a short satin dark green dress. You sighed, once again feeling those familiar feelings of insecurity. You knew once Jennie got to Taehyung, he would be completely distracted by her. Well at least I’ll get $20 out of it. You sat down on the opposite side of the couch and looked around.

Hana was dancing with Jungkook. Hobi and Jin were trying to get more people up and having fun. Namjoon was with his girlfriend, talking with Yoongi and a couple other guys. 

You were wondering where Jimin went but then you felt someone sit next to you on the couch and heard his voice, “Hey _________ why aren’t you dancing?”

You turned to Jimin and saw his beautiful smile flashing at you, “Not really one for dancing I guess. Hana’s the one who dances.”

“Bullshit. Everyone dances. You just gotta be comfortable and have fun.”

“I guess.” You shrugged “There’s just a lot of people here.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yea I guess I went overboard with the invites.”

“Well I mean as long as Taehyung is enjoying himself,” you said trailing off and glancing in the direction of him. Jennie was still on him, with her hands traveling on his jacket and his tie. You felt a bit nauseous at the sight. 

“I think Taehyung is having a good time,” Jimin said laughing at him and Jennie.

You felt that Jimin might have sensed a bit of sadness from you at the fact that you had worked hard on this party for Taehyung and he wasn’t even talking to you as Jimin spent the next hour or so sitting and talking with you. 

You could totally understand how Jimin got so many girls with his enchanting smile and charming personality. Your conversation about the stupidity of learning about the cow digestive system in biology was interrupted by Hobi calling everyone over to cut the cake.

Jin placed the cake you had specially ordered for Taehyung in front of him. Taehyung glanced at you for a second because who else would get him a cake covered in your shared favorite fruit. Jennie clung to his arm and squealed, “Okay let’s sing!” 

After singing happy birthday, Jin sliced the cake while you and Yoongi took out the food. 

“Seems like you’ll be giving me $20 tonight,” you said softly to Yoongi. 

“Hmm, I'm still pretty confident. A little hindered for sure, but I do think you’ll be the one losing twenty bucks,” he said smoothly, uncovering the foil from the trays.

You shook your head and resumed sitting on the couch while everyone got food and cake.

You were scrolling through Instagram and suddenly felt your arm being pulled.

By the time you fully registered what was going on, you realized you were being dragged to the guest bedroom in Jin's apartment. 

“Ow what the fuck!” You exclaimed, yanking your arm from the person's grip. You looked up and you saw Kim Taehyung.

He closed the door of the bedroom and walked right up to you. You had to almost crane your neck to look up at him. He looked pissed off. It was kinda hard to tell because his curls covered his eyes slightly but you could tell by his silence he was mad. But you were annoyed at his behavior: him ignoring you all night, Jennie being all over him, and him physically dragging you from the party.

You crossed your arms, “What’s your problem Taehyung? Why did you do that?”

Probably not the best way to start off a conversation with the birthday boy but you didn’t really care.

“Excuse me? You’re asking me what my problem is?” Had his voice always been this deep or is it because he’s angry?

“That’s what I fucking said, right?” You said back aggressively. 

Then he growled. You had never been particularly intimidated by Taehyung but right now, you were questioning all of that. 

“How about the fact that you didn’t talk to me all night? It’s my party for me and you spent the entire night eye fucking Park Jimin. You were talking to him all night and didn’t say a word to me!” He leaned his face closely to yours. His eyes were a fierce obsidian. You could smell his cologne, your knees went weak.

Why the fuck was he acting like this? Was he being jealous or was he actually just mad his friend didn’t say hi? Probably the second one.

You put crossed your arms defensively and stabbed your index finger into his chest, refusing to back down, “Okay Taehyung, chill the fuck out. I was just talking to Jimin because he sat next to me and actually talked to me. You literally went and said hi to everyone but me so it seems like you were ignoring me. Also, how could I come and talk to you when Jennie was sitting on your dick the entire party?”

He scoffed at you, “She wasn’t sitting on my dick. You could have walked over and just said hi. I don’t get why you’re hanging out so much. You’re mine.”

You widened your eyes at his words but before you could say anything He cleared his throat, “I mean you’re my friend.”

You were getting fed up with Taehyung's childish behavior, “Okay first of all, we are just friends. And I’m allowed to have other friends that aren’t you. And you don’t get to say anything about me talking to Jimin because that’s more than you did. Sometimes, I don’t understand you, Taehyung. I never say anything about the way you live your life so why are you saying shit about mine. But I guess if it isn’t clear enough, Jimin and I are friends and if your whiny male ego can’t handle that, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” You narrowed your eyes at him and then left the room.  

You were furious. How dare he say anything about you when all you do is try to be a good friend? This just reaffirmed your feelings about Taehyung: you didn’t like him. He was completely reckless. He was being so weirdly possessive and jealous even though you two were not dating and didn’t have feelings for each other. 

You put your face in your hands and sighed deeply. You felt completely drained and just wanted to go back to your bed to curl up and watch a documentary. These past couple weeks had been so busy that you barely stress baked other than the cookies you made on Monday.

You felt someone sit besides you on the couch and you peeked out of your hands. It was Taehyung. His head hung low with his curls completely covering his eyes.

He whispered in a hoarse voice, “I’m sorry. I'm a dick. And inconsiderate. And a jerk. And I shouldn’t have said those things. I don’t know why I did but I did. And I’m sorry.”

He looked at you and you saw his puppy dog eyes and melted immediately. How the fuck does he have so much control over you?

“It’s okay,” you said quietly

“No it’s not. You didn’t deserve that. You literally planned this party for me. You’re such a caring friend and I’m an asshat.”

You laughed softly, “I mean that’s true but it’s okay cause I know you're sorry.”

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

“What? Like leave?”

“Yea. I like this party and all but it's getting a little hard to breathe in here,” He said tugging on his shirt collar.

You laughed, “I’m always down to ditch a party.”

He pulled you up by the hand and led you through the crowd. He grabbed something from one of the coats hanging by the door and walked out of Jin's apartment with you in tow. You honestly had no idea where you were going but Taehyung kept a firm grip on your hand as he pressed the G button on the elevator. 

“Taehyung where are we going?” You said insistently. 

“Just relax. Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back to his apartment in one piece,” He said with that iconic mischievous glint in his eye. He led you to Jimin's black audi and opened the door for you. You got in and then he got into the driver's seat.

“Does Jimin know you took his car?” you said pointedly. 

“Jimins has been pissing me off and it’s my birthday so he’ll be fine,” Taehyung said as he put his hand behind your chair looking to the rear view window to back up.

You kinda forgot about the destination part of the journey as Taehyung drove. You got lost in the moment of chatting with him about his friends while The Weeknd played in the background. You snapped back to reality when Taehyung put the car in park and you looked around. He had parked in a vacant parking lot overlooking the sea. You stepped out of the car and heard the soft crashing of waves. The scent of salt water immediately relaxed you.

“Nice right?” Taehyung said, making his way to the hood of the car. 

You nodded, taking in the beauty and calming scenery, “How did you find this place?”

“I came out to take photos this morning and I drove around the area and stumbled on this place. I knew you would love it.” He sat on the hood of the car and patted the space next to him. You hopped onto the hood of the car and stared at Taehyung. You were always aware that Taehyung was insanely good looking but moments like this where you two were alone and you could clearly see him made you really appreciate everything about him. His boyish innocence, his kind nature, his ability to actually apologize for his actions. It only took the words ‘I’m sorry’ from Taehyung to make you forgive him. 

Your eyes drifted to shine that caught your eyes. It came from the rings on his hands. His fucking hands. How the fuck did Taehyung make hands look attractive? You loved the way he wore simple silver rings on his long fingers, the way he always wore the same three bracelets on his wrists, and his vintage Cartier watch on his right hand he received from his parents. You realized you had been staring at his hands for quite some time because he waved his hand in front of your face and said, “Hello? Earth to _______? Why are you staring at my hands?”

You felt a blush creep over your face.“Oh sorry. I just was looking at your rings. It’s cool,” You tried to say as nonchalantly as possible. 

“Thanks. I saw Jimin wearing rings the other day and it looked really good so I decided to incorporate it into my style.“

You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject, “So are you and Jennie like together or?”

He chuckled nervously and started to mess with hair like he usually did when he was getting nervous, “No. I mean like we fuck occasionally but like we aren’t an official couple.”

“Oh. That makes sense. I just wasn’t sure with the way she was acting today. It seemed like you guys were a couple. Other than the fact you weren’t matching.” You said with a small laugh.

“Yea. I’m honestly not sure why she’s like that. Whenever she sees me when there are other people around, she gets so clingy. And I don’t really know what to say to her because I’ve made it clear that it’s just sex,” he said, adjusting his watch on his hand. Then he looked at you, “Why do you ask?”

“Oh no reason. Just wanted to make sure.”

“Why? If I said we were together, would you ditch me again?” Taehyung said in a serious tone. 

You realized he was referencing how you two became distant once he started dating Yejin. 

“Taehyung, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Why is it complicated? You gave me a completely bullshit answer when I asked you.”

You sighed and turned your gaze away from him to the blue sea in front of you, “Because Tae, you can’t have a girlfriend and a girl best friend. Your girlfriend should be your girl best friend. Having both makes things complicated and I didn’t want to fuck anything up between you and Yejin. It was just easier to become distant from you.” That was partly the truth. You didn’t want to be that girl in the relationship and you truly felt that Yejin and Taehyung's relationship deserved to grow without any obstacles. Because that’s what you were: an obstacle in their love. 

Taehyung gently placed his hand over yours, “I wish you told me that. I thought you hated me or something.”

You tore your gaze from the crashing waves and looked into Taehyung's dark eyes “I could never hate you.”

He smiled  and winked, “Don’t worry. I know that strawberry girl. It’s comforting to know you’re just as whipped for me as I am for you.” 

You pushed his shoulder, “Shut up. I’m not fucking whipped for your dumbass.”

He went quiet for a moment and looked deep into your eyes, “I think it’s really sweet you're waiting for love. That you want to experience your firsts with someone you love.”

“You don’t have to say that. It’s really fucking lame.” you said, playing with the ends of your hair, twisting the strands around your fingers. 

“I don't think so. It actually makes perfect sense for you.”

“What do you mean?” you said confused, not understanding what he was saying.

“I mean there's a lot of different types of girls. Some like to fuck different people and some would rather not. And that's all fine because everyone has their preferences and a right to live their life the way they want to. I think girls like you are meant for something lasting, girls like you are meant for love.” 

You wish you could tell him all of your insecurities about love and romance; that you couldn't possibly fathom someone liking you back but of course, you had insecurities about talking about your insecurities. 

All you said was, “One day.”

“I think you’ll find the love of your life soon. You better introduce me to him right away.” He said chuckling, bumping his shoulder against yours.

It was getting really dark but you and Taehyung kept talking as if you had all the time in the world. 

“Okay, what’s your favorite quote?” Taehyung excitedly asked. He always came up with the most random but interesting questions to ask you. 

“Like from a movie or book or show or poetry?”

“Anything. I know you watch and read a lot of stuff so you must have some lines that have stuck with you.” 

“Um. Lemme think. You have to do yours too.”

“Okay bet. Well mine is ‘I wish they would only take me as I am’. Van Gogh said it,” he said in a soft tone. 

“Why do you like it?” 

“I just...feel like everyone has this perception of me you know? And I have to live up to it.”

“What perception do you think people have of you?”

“I guess the perception that I’m some stupid frat boy who only cares about soccer. I can’t have things I care about like photography or school. I constantly have to be this upbeat happy guy. I can’t have other feelings than that. I can’t have people I care about like my hyungs or you. And I’m automatically a douche for sleeping around. I mean I just wish people understood that I never try to fuck with feelings and I’m always upfront about everything. And no one ever wants to talk to me and get to know who I am. It feels like everyone wants something from me. I just wish” he exhaled deeply, like all of his anxieties were coming out of him, “that people took me as I am.”

You were quiet for a moment. Taehyung had a lot of expectations weighing on him and you had never really considered this internal conflict he was having. You said sincerely, “I hope you get to a point in your life where you don’t have to pretend for other people.”

“I don’t have to pretend when I’m with you.”

You smiled at him “I like the real Taehyung. The one who likes sitting by the ocean and taking pictures of his friends.”

He leaned back on his arms “I’m hoping other people will too. Okay, your turn.”

“Um okay, so mine is from a book. ‘Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done’. It’s from the book Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.”

“Why do you like that quote?” 

You thought for a moment carefully choosing your words, “Because so many people are hard on themselves. Myself included. And we like to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we made. Just dwell on it and let these mistakes define us. It’s hard to pick yourself back up and move forward. But I guess that quote gives me hope. For myself, for humanity.”

Taehyung nodded “I agree. It’s beautiful. I think, humans as a whole, we just are wired to constantly critique ourselves.”

You added, “And also, as a society, we tend to dehumanize anyone who does make a mistake. Like with our system of law and order. Our entire justice system is fucked and is a form of systemic racism that cultivates a binary understanding of morality. It punishes individuals who make mistakes rather than working on reform. It’s just-” you realized you had been talking for a while and turned red, “Sorry I kinda just went off there”

Taehyung just stared at you with awe, “No I like hearing you talk. You’re so fucking smart. Keep going, I wanna hear more about how our justice system is fucked.”

You felt your heart flutter at his words. You continued to explain to Taehyung about the internalized racism in the American justice system and the contemporary issues that are rooted in the systemic oppression of people of color as he listened intently. 

After talking for a little while longer, Taehyung glanced at his watch. “It’s almost midnight. We should probably head back.” 

You agreed and went to the car. The drive back was peaceful, with you two just enjoying each other’s company. Taehyung parked Jimin's car and you guys headed up to Jin’s apartment.

Before you knocked on Jin's apartment door, Taehyung pulled you to the side. He was holding your hand gently, “Hey. I’m really sorry for how I acted today. It was really bad and you had every right to be mad at me.”

“Tae I told you. It’s okay I’m over it.”

“I know. Thanks for making this night fun.” Then he leaned and planted a kiss on your forehead. You felt his warmth envelop you. Your cheeks turned red immediately and you felt your heart pounding. It felt like time had slowed down as his eyes completely entranced yours. Completely mesmerized, you thought, All I really want to know is what’s running through your mind when you look at me.

You tried to ignore the feeling of your heart melting so you crossed your arms defensively and retorted, “Even though you ditched the fucking party I planned.”

He smirked and knocked on Jin's door, “We both know you wanted to leave.”

Yoongi opened the door and when he saw the two of you standing at the door, a huge smile spread on his face,  “Well. Look who it is. I guess the lovely matching couple finally decided to join the party.”

You and Taehyung looked at each other. Fuck. It does look like you’re matching. Taehyung's dark pink carnation pinned to his black and white suit coordinated perfectly with your pink and white flowered black skirt. 

“Fuck off,” you glared at Yoongi.

Taehyung just laughed and entered the apartment. As you brushed past Yoongi, he snarked “So where’s my $20?” 

You flipped him off, “You’ll get it later.”

You saw that most people were gone which was a bit strange but it made clean up easier. It was just the BTS guys, Hana and you at Jin's apartment from what you could tell. You got to helping Hana clean up all the trash lying around. You were pretty absorbed in cleaning up and didn’t notice all the snickering coming from the direction of the BTS guys.

You looked at Hana in confusion and she shrugged her shoulders, also confused what they were talking about.

You heard Jimin and Hobi laughing really hard and looked over. You saw them doubled over in laughter and a very angry Jin. 

“Why the fuck is this happening to me?” He grumbled. 

Jungkook patted his shoulders, “Hey hyung. You just gotta let it go. It’s his birthday.”

Then it clicked to you that you hadn’t seen Taehyung since you guys entered the apartment. Hana and you walked over to the kitchen where they all were standing. 

Hana, with her hands on her hips, stated, “What in the world is going on? Why are you guys laughing and why is Jin mad?”

They all go silent and look at you. 

You furrow your eyebrows, “What? Why are you all looking at me?”

Then you hear it. A very loud and clear moan of Taehyung's name by none other than Jennie. Somehow you manage to remain emotionless and maintain a stone cold face but internally you felt your heart sink to the ground. 

“So you guys were laughing over the fact that Taehyung is fucking Jennie in Jin’s guestroom?” You scoffed, “How old are you guys? Five? I’m trying to go home as soon as possible so if we could all hurry this all up, it would make my life infinitely easier.”

You turned your back to the group and hope they bought your indifferent reaction. You continued to clean the apartment and tried to breathe shallow breaths. You tried to ignore the sounds coming from the room as much as you could but Jennie and Taehyung were being very vocal. You felt sick, with waves of nausea hitting you. After 20 minutes, you felt like your head and heart were going to explode. 

“Hey Hana. I’m really tired so I’m going to head back.”

She had a concerned look on her face, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no I’m fine. I’m going to crash as soon as I get back.”

She nodded, “Okay text me when you reach.”

You gave her a hug and waved bye to the guys. You somehow were able to find the strength to make it back to your dorm.

The second you closed the door to your dorm, you sunk to the ground and the tears you had kept in came pouring out.

It hurt.

Fuck it hurt. 

author’s note: thanks for reading! lmk if ur enjoying the fic so far and if u would like to be tagged. pt 3 will be up soon!

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts

[isitandwonder]

Hi. Did you, at some point, believe in Charmie and A&T relationship? Because you have written so superb fics bout them (dont mentioning looot of sex between them in those fics 😊 ). And now it looks like you are quite disgusted by charmie fandom and also by Armie too.. So when did you change your mind (if there of course was any changing of mind)?

Hi nonnie!

I think I talked about this before but anyway...

Yes, at some point at the end of 2017/beginning of 2018 when the promo was in full swing, I did believe there was/had been something happening between these two.

What started to change my mind though was in February 2018 when they returned to Crema and Liz was there and said they made Ford there (I remember we discussed her being at almost every awards red carpet and promo event before, as some kind of no homo device)... I was so confused. This couldn’t be right! T & A had been hanging out all by themselves during the filming, they’d been the only two English speaking people in town (lol, sorry, but Crema is not a small Sicilian village in the 1950s, I’ve been there), they’d bonded deeply... they told us all about  that!

I’m still grateful to the person pointing out that Liz and Harper had been there most of the filming... then gradually more and more ‘came to light’: that Will had been there before filming, that Tim had hung out with some locals (even a kind of gf was mentioned), stuff like that. That started to burst my bubble.

I confess, I had a shit day accepting that it had all been a fantasy because at that point they seemed so cute and right together. They sold that pretty well and I’m not mad at them - it was me who got in too deep, they just promoted their film. And wasn’t it easy to see all these bluring lines and believe in them?

Anyway, once you see the ‘cracks’ you start to question and see more. Things like Armie cancelling the Asia promo tour; saying he ‘sucked dick on film’, reducing cmbyn to THAT.

So I accepted it had been just a fantasy, but still shipped them as in ‘I like to imagine them together though I know it’s not real’. That’s were most of my fics come from, because these stories are pure fiction; I made it all up.

I think then came TIFF and those IG stories - they were clearly taking the piss at shippers, but in a kind way, saying ‘we know what’s going on and don’t mind’. What secret couple posts such stories, I ask you? So I felt validated in my shipping because they were okay with it.

When did I fall out of love with Armie though? I think it started right after the Oscars with above mentioned incidents. He was never my type anyway, I’m all here for the twinks :). He really only does things for me in the contrast he provides to Tim. 

But then I learned more and more about him. His weird family. The way he was okay with how Liz pimped out their kids on her IG (because, come on, if a father doesn’t want that he can make it stop. Now it looks like he used Liz to sell the image of the perfect American family). His fights and ramblings on social media.

I still truly think there was a window for him that he could have used to stear his life and career in a different direction. I still believe cmbyn was a huge formative experience for him. For a while, something changed. Maybe it was all PR bla bla, but maybe not. He dared to accept a stage role after it. He made STBY, which I haven’t seen but people say he was very good in. But then he fell back into old patterns.

I became indifferent to Armie. But then he went to Saudi Arabia. And that was it. I can’t support someone who does what he did. Oliver would at least be whipped there, if not executed; Armie is a gay icon after portraying that beloved character. That’s a responsibility. All he had to do was not go to SA. I don’t expect big political statements - but why did he go there for a government event? Sorry, that was the final nail to the coffin.

But, you know, I still could ignore him. I followed Tim who is goofy and kind and weirdly smart and a great actor. I confess, I speculated about his sexuality (always traveling with male friends, no gf, taking his mum or sister to awards) - but then the Lily thing started - and I was happy for him. Someone his age, who knows about life in the limelight, with whom he could share his life.

And that’s when shit hit the fan. You know, I don’t know either Armie or Tim and what they do has no real influence on my life. But I knew a lot of people on here. I’d been with cmabn since 2017; I’ve written some well liked stories. But suddenly many people I used to have fun with, I thought were my friends, for which I wrote stories - they totally freaked out and behaved abysmal. They sent hate to Tim, to fellow fans. They bullied people really badly on here. Many deleted stories or blogs. And the worst was - these mutuals of mine thought that funny. They were proud of their shitty behavior. They started to scream at anyone doubting Tim was gay and in love with Armie. I got death threats for pointing out that maybe T&A played their friendship up a bit during cmbyn promo.

And almsot no one stopped these people destroying what had been a fun small fandom. Almost no one said to these people ‘Calm down, stop it’. Instead, these people, who used to be my mutuals, congratulated themselves on how efficiently they harrassed Tim on IG and fellow fans on here. I remember a person who told me to my face they loved me first ridiculing Tim and in the end sending vile hate to me.

That’s why I can’t support Charmie any longer. Because of these scumbags of fans. Hating on Tim is one thing, he has people working for him, sadly, these things happen to anyone in the industry. But hating on fellow fans just because some don’t follow a certain narrative BNFs made up? That, to me, is unforgivable.

Therefore, I now delight in how their King Armie is exposed as just another straight white man, cheating on his wife (and maybe doing worse). He debased himself going to SA, and I really don’t know how people who profess to love cmbyn and it’s message can still support him after that. Then he showed his privileged white ass during quarantine. And now those Biden tweets.

Seriously?

I know many on here just ignore these things. I can’t do that. I can’t forget what he did. I can’t support someone like that, who has no principles, either privately or politically (and maybe even sexually assaulted a woman).

And what really did it for me is that Armie can do all these despicable things and people still love and defend him him (a grown man and father of 33) - while Tim just has some gfs, or buys bagels, or carries his guitar - and people ridicule and hate and cancel him for it.

He did nothing wrong despite not living up to the narrative some very rude people who don’t know him wrote for him! But suddenly he’s the whipping boy for them. Because he’s into girls (like Armie, btw).

I just can’t with that. I can’t with the hate spread on here. I can’t with the motives showing behind this narrative, the sexism, the homophobia, the misogyny, the racism... I have to laugh when I read the eulogies some write here about the deep, true, pure, everlasting love between A&T that will win in the end (sorry, I’m not 13 anymore, and neither are the people who write this); I also can’t with the ideas of fucking someone so hard for real they can’t walk anymore (fic is different from reality, you know). It is either pathetic, embarrassing, or truly disturbing.

And I really, really hate these people breaking the fourth wall. You NEVER tweet to the actors about your conspiracy theories! You never harrass them on SM! You never insult their friends, business partners, SOs. And you don’t, never, ever bully some small local businesses during an economic crisis because they dared to burst your bubble.

If you support Charmie - you support this behavior. I don’t. And as being quiet has only led to the assholes taking over - I now try a different strategy. If people don’t like it they can unfollow.

Sorry, these last few days have shown just how unhinged some Charmies are. I know some had planned actions against Tim at The King red carpet in London (and thankfully didn’t realize them). I really don’t put it past some of them to now truly become violent against Tim at some event, in the name of the greater good of Charmie. They are completely bonkers.

I’ve seen threats against me and others in different forums as well. People want to make us pay for what we did (like, what did we do?). People call for their followers to take action against us. I have no idea what they will or can do, as I’ve lost so much within this fandom already (fics, followers, friends) but as they are truly mental I expect the worst. It’s not that I’m afraid but it’s still a weird feeling to see people talk about you like this... because you don’t like an actor. Or don’t think he’s gay...

Yeah, so, that was surely more than you bargained for.

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[terramythos]

My reread commentary on October Daye #8, "The Winter Long" or "more shit goes down in this book than the first 7 combined, holy shit".

I apologize to anyone who reads these cause I literally hit the length limit on this post and had to pare it down lmao 

-Good start: Under the Acknowledgements section: "Everything I have done with October's world to this point has been for the sake of getting here". Sooo basically the first 7 books? Setup for this one. We're in for a Ride.

I want to emphasize some of the best meta foreshadowing I've seen:

FOR REFERENCE, Rosemary and Rue is the title of book 1. It's also the only book whose opening Shakespeare quote (from Hamlet) doesn't really match the title. If you know your Shakespeare, you probably would have caught that and figured out that it was from The Winter's Tale instead. Plenty of conclusions you can draw just from that. Since then the series has been chock full of hidden identities, and this book has two BIG ones coming into play. Foreshadowing was here from the very fucking beginning, and it is some next level shit. Very well done.

-If you skipped book 1 you are SO fucked, btw.

- we're going to great lengths to describe Sylvester's physical appearance. Gee I wonder why. I'm sure it's not relevant

- yes Sylvester has FOX COLORED HAIR and YELLOW EYES and his magic smells like DAFFODILS and DOGWOOD FLOWERS. He is Toby's LEIGE and FATHER FIGURE.

Me on a first read: oh it's just beginning book exposition, they all do this

Me on a second read: god fucking damn it

- toby: I should have known Sylvester would never disappoint me.

Me: oh sweetie. Oh honey.

- "He smelled like smoke and rotten oranges.

This man wasn't Sylvester Torquill."

Anyone who read book 1: OHSHIT.AVI

Welcome back, Simon! You know, Sylvester's evil twin? You know, the big bad (so far) of the series? The the one responsible for turning Toby into a fish for 14 years?

-Yet he seems kinda... off, huh? Comments about how he didnt know the spell would last 14 years, how he hates to upset October's mom, of all people? Whatever could he mean? :)))

-New toby power: spell reflection? Hell yeah? Also spell BREAKING, but to be fair she did do that one other time. In, you guessed it, book 1.

- "When I tried to picture Sylvester's face, I kept seeing Simon's instead" ow oof

- Simon calling Amandine "Amy", which we've established is an affectionate nickname (it being what, you know, THE LUIDAEG calls her). Why would Simon, of all people, call her that?

... oh.

-That sure explains a LOT, huh? That sure was set up... this whole time, huh?

-Little "fuck you" lines like "I didn't know Sylvester had a niece" in book 2. Talking about January. Well, uh, he has several actually! You're one of them!

-Explanation for why Sylvester had any inclination to be October's mentor... eventually becoming her liege and father figure... even giving her the Changeling's Choice (something family is supposed to do). It seems mighty convenient that a random noble was involved in the life of a changeling to such an extent. BUT, if he was her uncle, and knew his brother wouldn't step up? Well...

-This isn't even the biggest reveal of the book. Like, we're only a handful of chapters in and this bomb gets dropped.

-Sylvester, every 10 minutes: oh boy I cant wait to see my brother so I can like, completely eviscerate him!

Everyone else: uh,

- Tybalt: and here I thought I was going to have to ask Sylvester for his blessing. Now I technically have to ask SIMON?

Toby: uwotm8

Tybalt: oh god uhh I'm joking yeah uhh I'm just trying to distract you from all this stress :)) yeah (nailed it!)!

-And now we begin the "wow Sylvester is actually not a great person" slide. It's been hinted at that he's pretty unstable and has shitty priorities regarding people he cares about. But Toby glossed over a lot of it because she adored him. Welp.

- It's also an interesting aside that Etienne was kind of a dick to Toby for a reason in the earlier books. He legit thought she had been knighted because she was family, not that she had earned the post. And after the last few books he clearly knows now that that's not the case and they've actually become friends. That's interesting hidden character development.

- ok so The Gang finds out that Simon was telling the truth when he said turning Toby into a fish for 14 years was to save her. Because he had actually been hired to KILL her and didn't want to do it. So it was a loophole-- everyone thought she was dead, and then (as established in book 1) pretty much everyone forgot she existed until the spell broke.

-BUT Simon is bound by a geas (where have we seen that before) and cannot divulge his employer's name. But who had such a grudge against Toby and/or her mom to order a hit on her AND forcibly bind everyone to secrecy?

-who knows? Not toby. So they go to The Luidaeg to maybe get a lead, and she establishes right away that she is ALSO bound under a geas and can't say who did it. So we play some 20 questions, and then...

ULTRA DISTRESSING LUIDAEG LORE :((((

-additional: another month name just came into play. August. Toby's half sister, missing for a century. WHAT IS WITH THE MONTH NAMES

- "please don't mistake villainy for evil." That's an.. interesting quote re:Simon.

- Simon's way of protecting toby from the impending threat is "well maybe you turn into a tree for a few centuries but like. You're safe, right? Why are you mad?"

- The Luidaeg: *is straight up dead*

Toby: hey tybalt remember that time in book 2 when I Resurrected the Dead

Tybalt: yeah, it was fucking terrifying and I didnt speak to you for 6 months

Toby: *finger guns* guess whaaaaaat

-The Luidaeg: *says just. A bunch of Lore*

Toby: Luidaeg dont you dare drop that cryptic shit on me then pass out

Luidaeg: nap time

-"If you so much as whisper the first word of a transformation spell, I'll have your larynx in my hand before the second word can form." DAMN, Tybalt.

-Simon: I am VERY sorry for my bullshit earlier. I can't tell you who my employer is, but I CAN give you this BOUQUET of ICE COLD ROSES. Ice cold, like winter. Winter Roses, if you will. Yeah. Uh have a nice life, bye!

Everyone: well this sure is a mystery

-Simon is definitely a morally grey character. Has done really awful shit, is built up as a major villain... but turns out he had relatively little control over his actions. He does the wrong thing a lot but it's usually not for a truly evil end? If the context is to be believed he got stuck in the geas contract with Unnamed Employer to save his daughter, which explains the bad shit he did that we know of. Which then inadvertently kicked off like the whole series. He seems to genuinely care about Toby in a warped way? It would be so easy to write him off as an evil stepdad or whatever and there's plenty of canon to support that stance (she's an illegitimate CHANGELING child) but he seems like he wants to just be her dad. I hope we explore his character more, is what I'm saying.

-And not to keep rambling about it but Toby is an established unreliable narrator and a horrible (initial) judge of character. So it's not like this is an asspull or off base at all.

Twist of the fucking century here.

-You know... the character who set off the events of the series? The character who was murdered in book 1 and bound October to a geas forcing her to find the culprit or die? Evening fucking Winterrose?

-There were hints, most very subtle unlike the other big twists, but probably the biggest one is SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AS A NIGHT HAUNT. And they're in the story quite a bit, and they ALWAYS feature killed off characters. Except Evening.

-My favorite hints were the ones just piled in book 1. Comments like "no one knows who Evening really is" said with zero self awareness. Because we are actually about to find out who she is... 7 goddamn books later.

-dead meme but "surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

-God she's so awful lol

-Toby thinking Quentin died then calling him THE SON SHE NEVER HAD is a BIG OOF right to the HEART. ;-;

-The book also points out that The Luidaeg through the series has ALWAYS referred to Evening in present tense. Even though she "died" in book 1.

-The Luidaeg ALSO never refers to her as Evening. It's always "The Winterrose". You know, a title. Which we have heavily emphasized is something the Firstborn use in place of their true names.

*jazz hands* Surprise!

-We also (finally) have a canon explanation for the... rather remarkable coincidence that Quentin, the fucking Crown Prince (from TORONTO), is in San Francisco at all. It was always weird he got sent to Shadowed Hills, and it's been commented on multiple times... Evening arranged it, of course! For reasons we don't quite know. But as the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn, her descendants couldn't exactly say no. Even though they didn't know who she really was.

-We really are falling all over Firstborn in this series? It sure is.. an odd coincidence, huh?

We got:

The Luidaeg: Roane/Selkie

Amandine: Dochas Sidhe

Acacia: Blodynbryd

Evening: Daoine Sidhe

Blind Michael: ... uh actually I don't think we ever learn what race he's Firstborn of. All his "children" are kidnapping victims forcibly twisted into monsters. Well, except for Luna, but we only know the Blodynbryd side.

But it's weird that for being so rare that we've run into 5 of them in 8 books. There's gotta be a reason for it.. but what?

-Luna starts the series as Toby's Surrogate Mom and is now just straight up an enemy huh

-I made this observation in my book 1 notes, but I find it very interesting that all of Toby's initial friends and allies... aren't by this point. Whereas her current allies are either former enemies or people she initially disliked or distrusted.

Starter allies: Sylvester? Was lying to her the whole time. Luna? Pretty much tried to sacrifice her (+above). Evening? Uhh this whole damn book. Devin? Tried to kill her for personal gain. Lily/Connor? Both killed off for real.

Current allies: Tybalt? Literal former enemy turned lover. Quentin? Kind of a snotty, vaguely racist kid she whips into shape. The Luidaeg? Extremely powerful witch who Toby assumes is True Neutral and wouldn't hesitate to kill her. May? Literal personal walking death omen.

It's just a cool reversal. There's so much really excellent character development in this series and I love it.

-Simon still is a pretty major bastard but.. less outright mustache twirling evil than we were led to believe up to this book. You learn his Backstory and while it really doesn't justify his actions it does...explain them.

-Blink and you miss it Lore: August is missing because she entered a contract with the Luidaeg. She's holding the candle from book 3 :)))

I'm starting to realize I stan The Luidaeg so hard I just have to take a picture every time she shows up and does stuff lmfao. (Best character).

-But... nothing like your inconceivably ancient and powerful aunt suddenly owing you a life debt, I guess???

-Toby. You know, just an ordinary weak changeling who has somehow managed to KILL A FIRSTBORN and RAISE THE DEAD. yikes.

I'm just putting this here cause it's funny as shit. Tybalt really is just... a cat

This book: I heard you like distressing Luidaeg lore??

Me: oh thanks I don't need to feel things

-God Evening is awful. Like, if you didn't know that already, see above.

-It says something about The Luidaeg that despite all that shit their Firstborn did to her she ends up becoming such good friends with Quentin, a Daoine Sidhe?

-BIG LORE with The Luidaeg talking to Maeve??? And Maeve "responding" kind of? This series damn well better explore what the fuck happened to those three it's been built up all series

-Omg the showdown with Evening and The Luidaeg. And Toby managing to break free and realize she deserves so much more than Evening-- all without magic. And Simon showing up for a last minute redemption trying to hit Evening with elf shot? I mean he gets shot in the process, but...

-We now have like, 3 or 4 characters just... asleep indefinitely thanks to elf shot. that's gonna be a Thing isnt it. Rayseline, Evening, Simon, Arden's brother...

WE DID IT BOYS

-This is the last full one I've already read. Most of my reactions in 9-12 are gonna be new. So.

[coalitiongirl]

ive been watching your scenes to rewatch and ive been crying at literally all of them. out of curoisity, what are your favourite ouat scenes? either sq or general? also side note, i love your latest fic, such an interesting premise. i get so scared every time someone says an order and emmas forced to comply, that scene with the trolls had me on edge. and the fact that cora must suspect something about emma now - im so scared but excited ahah :D have a nice day :)

OH I super dropped the ball on those omg, i have so many others!! but i haven’t been able to rewatch in a long time, it hard 😩

of course i LOVE almost every swan queen scene!! it’s hard for me to pick favorites because nearly every one pings something else inside me omfg. I don’t think there’s a single sq scene I couldn’t write an essay about WHOOPS. so lemme try to answer this with just some of my favorite non-sq scenes 😅

Emma in True North: hoo boy, this is probably in my scenes to rewatch but that scene on the road, MAN. there’s so much careful buildup with emma’s abandonment issues and how much she sees herself in nick and ava. and they have a chance she never does and dammit, she fights for them!! she fights for two kids just like her and they get their moment and jmo turns that realization into agony with sheer artistry in emma’s FACE in their final moment. god.

Regina in We Are Both: this was the episode that sold me on Regina! tbh i’d marathoned s1 as soon as they announced mulan was going to be in s2 so i hadn’t been focusing much on thinking before that?? and then suddenly there’s Regina, in all her rich and layered stories, and i fell hARD. the whole narrative of the episode- Regina resisting parental abuse until she becomes what she’s always feared to be free!! and that translating into her saying ‘no, this isn’t going to continue to the next generation. even if i lose the only thing that matters to me.’ do u ever stan!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE VERY WELL. END ME.

Emma in Firebird: listen. never follow ur idols to ur next fandom or you’ll suddenly realize they actually hate women and then get ‘’’muted’’’ for ‘’’yelling at her too much’’’ but jane espenson did a GOOD with the flashbacks in this one (present day still literal and figurative hell tho!!). The concept of Emma’s jacket as armor isn’t an original one, but the execution was honestly stellar. Emma forging this connection with an older hardened woman who can’t let go of the past either!! emma destroyed and remade into the lady we met on her twenty-eighth birthday. GOD. SHE FINDS HER DAUGHTER. and i gotta say, the vulnerable-tearful-young thing jmo was doing w emma in s5 didn’t work for me in terms of what present day was trying to convey, but it’s a perfect fit for that flashback, i WEPT.

Regina in Quite A Common Fairy: Lana OWNS the cave scene with Tink, god. The depth and breadth of emoTION. The episode and the narrative itself builds it up from episode one! because this regina on the road to redemption but finally giving us a glimpse into the emotional and mental state she was in as the young queen- she has all this rage and she’s SUSTAINED by it, it’s her only real truth and constant and she’s terrified of what might happen if she lets it go for even an instant and chooses hope instead. (Lana’s voice when Regina says she’s afraid that without rage she might just ‘—float away’ is something that has stayed with me for a long, long time.) REGINA PULLING OUT HER HEART TO MAKE A POINT. far from the last time she will, but how affecting!! god!!

Emma and Snow in S1: There are a few moments i’m thinking of (and i’m literally writing this on the treadmill so pls forgive the lack of episode names) and all of them are so stellar, god. The moment when Snow finds Emma living out of her car early on. Snow and Emma sitting at the table at the loft holding hands. Emma lying down next to a crying Snow. Snow yelling at Emma for being so selfish when she tries running off with Henry?? EMMA SHOWING UP AT MARY MARGARET’S DOOR SEARCHING FOR A ~PERSON~ AND MARY MARGARET SILENTLY LETTING HER IN. Snow and Emma work best in S1 in the silences and the fights, where they’re allowed to just care and be family, and I treasure each of those moments as much as they do.

Regina and Zelena in the Kansas: There’s a lot of effort put into this dynamic right near what seemed like the end, playing with how exactly Zelena perceives her happy ending to go- and then Regina strikes it all down by being different, by changing, by being someone Zelena hadn’t believed either of them capable of. And then Regina goes to Zelena’s cell and offers her!! sisterhood!! my god. i instantly fell in love with the dynamic in that moment and i’m forever pressed that the ‘it’s nice to have family in town’ line was cut. because you can tell that regina craves family and craves unmaking this second monster of her mother’s and zelena was going to TAKE that second chance and hey! this seems the perfect time to go off-message and

Belle in Family Business and Heroes and Villains: imma be honest, i like belle just fine in the early seasons but i have zero interest in rumbelle, which means a lot of fast-forwarding through her scenes. But these two scenes were ENCHANTING. Mirror Belle preying on Belle with the truth that she’s afraid to face! Emilie does such a fantastic job conveying so much cruelty in that scene, I was gaping and enthralled and hoping shattered sight was going to work exactly like that (and tbh props to ginny for doing a hella creepy snow at the start of Shattered Sight). And that town line scene!!! What a stunning, evocative scene. Belle reclaiming agency and taking action in such a 100% cold-blooded but necessary way!! that’s my ravenclaw babe!!!

Mulan and Aurora: I was young, and I Believed, and I Believed for a very long time. I am appalled at my naïveté too, don’t worry.

Regina in Enter the Dragon: LOOK it’s not about the leather but it’s a lil about the leather!!! I really appreciate both Regina in the past and present in this one and also how gay it is, and I’m most charmed by lil evil pep talking nugget Regina who just wants you to be the very best villain you can be! It’s such an artful melding of the exuberance of young!Regina and the delight in chaos of eq!Regina and i, for one, am a fan.

Emma (and Henry) in The Stranger/An Apple Red as Blood: my gOD. Okay I think one of the first times I cried while watching this show was in Emma’s desperate, hysterical denial to August about the curse. She’s so clearly hit rock bottom and she’s TERRIFIED of believing and it’s breaking her. SHE DIDNT ASK TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES HAPPINESS. SHE DOESNT WANT IT. THAT IS CRAP!!!! i love her!! i love emma swan!!! i do!!!!! and then moving into the end of the next episode when she tells henry she’s leaving and just!! ‘henry! life isn’t a story!’ man this show had some incredible early work. sigh. emma kneeling in front of henry begging him to listen! my god.

Regina in the Cricket Game: so i’m leaving out all my fave sq moments which severely limits the number of regina and emma scenes i can talk about here but the flashbacks in this one SURE ARE SOMETHING. regina has hit rock bottom in this set and you feel it in every moment, in her REGRET THAT I HAVE NOT CAUSED MORE PAIN and frickin stABBING snow and that dark scene with the candle oh god. this is a regina who doesn’t think about looking back anymore but who doesn’t think about looking forward, either, and she’s terrifying. it reminds me a lot of the scene later this season in Welcome to Storybrooke where she takes out snow’s heart and ‘see? i can have everything’ but there are tears sliding down her face. regina in enraged despair is something to behold!!

Henry (and Emma and Regina) in Operation Mongoose: Henry doesn’t often get lengthy times to shine that aren’t about other characters, but he was literally a YA hero in the author’s universe! man! what a kid! and his scenes with bandit Regina are some of my all-time favorites, as is that heartstopping moment when he reaches the top of that tower and flings the door open and Emma KNOWS him. reader, i wept. i wept hard. talk about your earned moments!!!

Emma as Dark Swan: posture! clothing! positioning! voice work! dark swan was a revelation i’m still rightfully bitter about, because she was EVERYTHING in those early episodes. the way she caressed snow’s face in first episode of 5a. the faux-innocent with the calculating eyes on the ship with whats-his-name. every interaction with henry where she was trying to be a PERSON. the way she moved! the way she felt more reptilian than human! i wanted to know everything about her!! (then i did and quit the show lol) honestly some of jmo’s best acting to date, i’m forever in awe.

That Still Small Voice: look, this is an episode about a cricket and it remains one of my favorite quality ouat episodes. Archie sells it best as an adult influenced by his past without quite knowing it, and Archie and Henry make for a really engaging dynamic in here. There is nothing about Archie’s professional behavior that doesn’t make me want to scream but this remains a very, very good episode.

Emma in Sympathy for the De Vil/Lily: okay this is cheating a little because so much of this is also Regina but!! Emma individually shines in this narrative and throughout 4b. From the moment she finds out about what her parents had done, you can watch it slowly draining a part of her?? yes her eyes got redder but there was also this kind of apathy about EVERYTHING. And tbh the Cruella episode is pretty awesome on its own (I love the slow revelation that Cru is the villain, what a stellar execution of a fave trope) but WHEN EMMA KILLS HER. In the exact moment that Cruella says ‘heroes don’t kill’. that’s what pushes emma over the edge!! and then emma ready to kill again the next episode because she feels like she’s sliding into an abyss, i couldn’t BREATHE. emma is incredible when the narrative lets her be angry, and i wanted So Much More. Speaking of which, Emma getting angrier and angrier and almost losing it in The Snow Queen was more of that anger!! i am HUNGRY for it.

Regina and Snow in The Evil Queen: This episode is messy af but damn did my heart skip a beat when a hooded hero saves Regina and tears off her hood and it’s SNOW. This episode does so much of what makes Snow/Regina so fascinating and frustrating, both in the present and the past. Their interactions in the woods moved me! changed me! and Regina had already crossed the point of no return but oh man, oh man, the way they’d almost gotten somewhere for a minute there.

Regina and Henry in Save Henry: A classic, a work of art, and I’ve said so much about it in the past that I’m exhausted just thinking about expressing it all again now. But what a STORY of an evil queen who falls in love with a little boy. What a narrative!! The promo pictures from this episode came out when I was sitting in the hospital for a checkup while I was expecting my daughter, and I was tearing up and the nurses thought it was about the ultrasound. I’M NOT PROUD. This is a love story!!! And it culminates again in A Curious Thing, by the way, which put another ten years on my life, an Epic !

Emma and Henry in New York City Serenade: boy was this a journey, but I was absolutely spellbound omg. This was a love song to a fantasy but it’s a fantasy that never unmakes Emma– she’s afraid of commitment and happiness and everything permanent in her life that isn’t Henry, but she’s still going to take that leap despite herself. It’s a wonderful character study that captures Emma’s essence in a new world, with a new past.

Snow in The Miller’s Daughter: Snow is at her best when the show isn’t painting her with rose-colored glasses and we get to see her darker side, and I don’t think she ever gets quite as dark in the first three seasons as she is when she’s standing there, smiling earnestly at Regina as she tells her that the key to Cora loving Regina is in the poisoned heart she holds. My god. It’s so incredibly cold-blooded and vile, and it’s absolutely the kind of manipulative pragmatism that suits Snow best. I am enthralled and horrified.

Neal and Emma and Henry and Gold in Manhattan: This is one of those really cool scenes where even though I don’t particularly care for half the characters within it, everyone acted the hell out of it and it’s so GOOD. There’s so much tension and you’re holding your breath through the squabbling, and then Henry shows up and you KNOW. You know what’s going to happen and you’re terrified for Emma and it’s so visceral, right up until the instant when Neal demands Henry’s age and Henry shouts ELEVEN and my god, my god. What a reveal. What a scene.

There are more!! so many scenes and moments i’ve loved over the years. Emma and young!Lily! Snowing in Snow Falls! Anna of Arendale!! Snow and Emma in Lost Girl!! Ruby in Red Handed! The David/Emma dragon fight in A Land Without Magic! Regina tearing out that heart in The Doctor and meeting Daniel again?? Regina and her father in hell. all of Hat Trick. i think twenty is a good place to stop, but hoo boy, when this show was good, it was GOOD. alas.

[1997onepiece]

Im that anon that requested for headcanon :D sorry i took so long. Can i get a headcanon of each of the strawhats drinking habits? Like how do each if then act if they get drunk? How much can each if them drink before getting drunk? What is the most embarrassing thing they did while drunk? Do they prefer wine or beer or any other alcoholic beverage? I Was always curious on this one because theres a couple of drinking scenes in op

thanks for this request! it was an interesting one. this ended up being really, really long so im putting it under a read more(probably due to all the pics of evidence i put in from a bunch of different arcs. ive been working on this since 7:30am and its 5:15pm now lol. dont worry though, i took a meal break!)

anyways, i tried to stick to canon/what could be plausibly canon as much as possible for each character (including the embarrassing bits). the headcanons go through jinbei!

i hope you all enjoy the read & if any of you feel differently/have some bit of contradictory evidence, feel free to send it in! im open to suggestions, i tried my best here but i know i probably missed some stuff

also before i start please note that all of them drink beer. all of them. theyre pirates, they kind of have to. pirates sing and pirates drink beer, thats just how it is in luffys mind, so thats the default drink for everyone at parties (i imagine thats how oda feels too)

though beer is the default drink, theyll drink anything. theyre not really that picky. like:

with that out of the way, ill talk personal preferences and experiences of each crew member now

also i will only be using manga evidence from here on out since thats what im familiar with/thats whats canon

luffy:

luffy is usually seen drinking in conjunction with eating a shit ton of food. he doesnt really drink for the sake of drinking alone, he likes food more than he does alcohol lol. he even says this in dressrosa:

so yeah, luffy drinks for the occasion (parties mostly). the only time i see him potentially drinking alcohol by itself outside of a party is maybe if he wanted to sing some tunes with the crew or something (again, based off that whole image of what it is to be a pirate)

like, look at his face here lol. idk whether thats coke or rum but he is not liking it

drunk personality - tuckered out and easily annoyed, after hes done partying. probably goes straight to sleep. itd take a lot to get him drunk though like, do you see how much he has to eat to get full? lol

drink preferences - beer mostly

heres luffy with some alcohol:

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk: hes made to wear something that insults his masculinity. basically like what happened to him at amazon lily

luffy doesnt really get embarrassed all that much in other contexts in the series, unless his friends are praising him, so this is what i went with

zoro:

he breathes alcohol and everyone knows it. just check out this panel of luffy trying to wake him up at thriller bark by enticing him with a fucking barrel of the stuff:

and also mihawk withholding alcohol from him while he masters haki:

as for his preferences, you see zoro drinking a lot of beer throughout the series but he goes for hard alcohol a lot of the time too. id like to see him on soju or vodka lmfao.

anyways heres some zoro drinking beer:

oktoberfest zoro! he looks so happy haha

heres him drinking some hard stuff:

note how hes supposedly drinking tea in this last one but hes got an alcohol bottle next to him. either hes pretending to drink tea or he spiked the shit lol

zoroll drink anything though hes greedy for alcohol lmao like:

as for his drunk personality, i dont think hed ever allow himself to be truly drunk. as you can see here, his morals get in the way:

thats not to say he cant get buzzed the fuck up though like:

drinking, however, does result in lowered inhibitions so i guess the most wed ever get out of him is some dumb decisions

going off of that, an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk:he says/does something earnestly and someone makes fun of him for it. like what happened at thriller bark with pirate docking 6:

either that or he wakes up having done something he finds beneath him:

to sum it all up, watch this silly ass amv i found about zoros drinking habits lol

nami:

drinking habits/drunk personality: this woman can outdrink a horse like holy shit.

as you can see, shes a boisterous drunk. loud and happy, as well as a little competitive:

sidenote: ZORO AND NAMI ARE THE BEST DRINKING BUDDIES!! just imagine them goading each other on haha how cute

drink preferences - anything. she loves alcohol. shes the alcohol queen

although she can get down and dirty, she loves looking classy. we actually see her drinking fruity stuff/wine more often than beer (but again, shes the alcohol queen so shell do anything):

shes drinking apple juice here in this last one but the point about looking classy still stands

an embarrassing thing that could happen to her while drunk:hmm, i dont really see her doing anything she doesnt want to do tbh. the only time she gets embarrassed is when someone praises her really

i guess maybe going back to her cabin and trying to draw a map drunk, only to spill ink all over her maps? although thats not embarrassing so much as frustrating really

usopp:

drinking habits/drunk personality -  he seems like more of a social drinker than anything else. you dont really seem him drinking unless its a party

when he does drink, he has fun though

he doesnt really have a high tolerance for alcohol though lol just look at him here:

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk:he gets caught telling a big ass lie and has to pay for it dearly lmao

drink preferences - doesnt really seem all that adventurous outside of beer tbh

sanji:

i imagine he taste tests a lot of stuff as a chef but his favorite seems to be red wine:

thats not to say he cant appreciate a good ass beer when the occasion calls for it though:

going along with this panel, hes a flirty drunk. hes also flirty when hes not drunk though, so its not as if theres much difference

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk:his vision is so blurry that he ends up slutting it up with an old woman/a man

i dont imagine he gets drunk easily but hes definitely no zoro or nami

chopper:

drinking habits - he wouldnt go out of his way to drink on his own. hes more of a social drinker honestly. hed just take whatever his crewmates shove at him haha

going off of that, hed prefer beer usually (since thats what everyone else is drinking)

drunk personality - he has a little body, so hed get drunk rather quickly comparatively. hed still try to keep up with his friends though so hed probably pass out early. poor little guy would get tuckered out so quick. at some point he would probably learn to change his body size when he plans on drinking a lot lol

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk:someone praises him about how good hes gotten at holding his beer and he claps his hooves together without thinking, causing him to spill his beer all over himself and drop it

robin:

drink preferences - shes classy. on her own, she usually seeks out wine, maybe something fruity occasionally, but mostly wine

look at that fat fucking glass. shes having a fun time lol

its important to note that half the time at a party even shell drink wine. take these examples from the dressrosa and post-enies lobby parties:

drunk personality/an embarrassing thing that could happen to her while drunk: shes quiet but i can imagine everyone thinking shes sober and then she falls over lmao

drinking habits - i like to imagine her winding down with a glass of wineafter a long day. i can also see her drinking fine wines for the tasteof it. she doesnt really seem like the type to get drunk much

sidenote: honestly i like to think of robin, nami, and sanji as the classy drinks club lol. sanji likes giving the ladies the good stuff

like look at this. i could guess pretty confidently who those drinks are for lol

franky:

drinking habits - mostly with the crew. he probably drank more in the past when he was more ‘hard-boiled’ lol

drink preferences - he drinks cola more than anything else, so i would headcanon his tastes running more towards rum and coke

not to say that he doesnt drink other stuff though:

drunk personality - prone to slapstick humor, as per usual. kind of like this:

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk: his speedo getting stolen again lol

brook:

drink preferences/personality - he has no taste buds, so he has no preference! yohohoho!

nah but just kidding, jokes aside, it was confirmed he can taste and digest stuff like anyone else. i can see him indulging in some fancy wines while on tour as soul king, he doesnt really drink besides with the crew though

however, i can imagine him during his years alone getting sad and drinking in memory of his old crew, reenacting how they would sing and get drunk together LOL god thats depressing. consider the fact that he would play alone in the middle of the ocean with these panels to back that up:

lol sorry to dump sad shit on you. now he drinks with a happier purpose though

anyways, i guess these days around girls i could imagine him being a horny drunk, a la “let me see your panties”

BUT, of course, hes also a musical drunk! happy to sing and play for his friends

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk: he removes his soul from his body to go look at some panties but he has no idea where hes going because the alcohol fucked with his sense of direction so his souls just lurching all over the place and then he gets lost & it takes him a few days to find his body again

jinbei:

drinking habits/drunk personality - hed go for a buzz. hes not the type looking to get fall-on-your-ass drunk so much lol, hed know when to stop. i imagine him to be a happy drinker - all smiles and warm compliments

drink preferences - sake. we havent seen him drinking much but when he does drink, hes drinking what seems to be rice wine, based on what its contained in. though of course hes gonna be drinking more beer once he hangs out with the mugiwara crew in full haha

heres happy jinbei with some sake:

note that the character there, 酒, is sake (fun translation note: in japanese, 酒 refers to all varieties of alcohol, but in english it refers to japanese rice wine)

an embarrassing thing that could happen to him while drunk:he tells everyone in sight awesome luffy is and how hes gonna give his life to him and talks about literally nothing else. the next day everyone teases him about it haha

and thats it! i had fun writing this haha hope i was able to elaborate on their drinking habits to an extent that was satisfactory

i tried my best not to come up with ooc stuff but you all will be the judge of that i suppose

i hope the wait wasnt too long for you specifically, anon, & i hope youll forgive me for taking a few days to respond!

thanks for reading, for those that stuck this one out :D

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 13- “lines aren't drawn yet and this game isn't over”-Lily

I VOTED THE RIGHT WAY!! FOR ONCE.  IN.  MY.  LIFE!! And it really feels so great!  I feel really bad, Landen is a GREAT player and if he was in final three no matter who he was sitting next to I am pretty sure I would have voted for him.  The fan in me is so mad at myself right now and if this series has an All Stars season I will start a petition for Landen to be cast! Right now I am hoping that I can salvage my relationship with Lily but it feels great to have numbers on my side for once!  I was never super close to ANY of these people except for maybe Kevin but I think that we all work good together and that vote was easy peasy with zero drama! 

6 minutes later

ALSO, my favorite quote of the day today was from Chips, I am still cackling- Me: Telling Chips that I'm scared I'm going to vote wrong and that I haven't made my rounds bc I'm watching real Survivor, bla bla bla.... and I congratulate him again for winning immunity. Chips: I hope I vote right this round. Chips: Glad you can't vote me again HAHAHA I love how honest and to the point he is and how he isn't afraid to call me out, I am so dead, LOL.

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF. Just a big ole oof. wowza. Am I the biggest fool that there ever was??? YOU BETCHA. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LANDENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHY!? What a crazy game this is and as per usual blessed to still be playing but I'm in my lazy boy crying about Landen getting the boot. Played with that kid since day 1! Ultimate duo. Love you but why you gotta leave me hanging on a single autumn vote?????? The only good thing to come of this is now I'm a free agent. At least I made F7 my favorite number at least now I can go out with some dignity. I shot my shot and I got my best bud out of the game. Oop. So screw what I said at tribal council, lines aren't drawn yet and this game isn't over. 

2 hours later

Am I going to go absolutely nuts today? Yeah, probably. Ruthie is the only one online right now and I’m trying to make something happen. If I think about the dynamics going on right now it’s clear to me that autumn and chips are on the outs with Joanna, juls, Kevin, and Ruthie working together on the last vote. I can also tell that Kevin and Ruthie don’t want to vote for me so that at least gives me decent odds of making it through this vote. However they will most likely go for autumn as Ruthie has already suggested. This will most likely lead into me getting voted out around 5th if Kevin continues to win immunity challenges. I’m wondering if I can work with Kevin and Ruthie on this vote to get out Joanna I might be in a better position in the next coming cotes. That leaves a lot of big threats still in the game including the ruthie/Kevin duo. I know I can’t be too pushy with this group but I gotta try to make something happen otherwise what’s the point.

As far as tonight goes I am covering ALL my bases and both groups of Kevin, Juls and Joanna as well as Autumn, Lily and Chips think I am voting with them... LOL. This is honestly going to come back to bite me in the ass, I feel it coming!   It is nearing end game and I just NEED to vote smartly.  I feel like if I can gain Lily's trust and vote with them this round maybe I can get her to turn on Autumn and we can vote Autumn out next round.  I don't know who would be good to sit next to at the end right now, but with the position I'm in now I feel like Kevin will eventually try to get rid of me so that he could sit next to Juls and Joanna at the end and possibly win? UGH, I still don't know what I'm doing this round but I think that I am going to vote with Lily, Autumn and Chips as long as I keep a good read on them.  My only other concern is if I need to tell Kevin I'm doing this before the vote or not.  I'm just going to keep an open mind and figure it out when it gets to that.   I feel like such a villain and I don't know how I feel about that!! 

I almost won one :(

hello hello its me, so i won immunity this round in a TIEBREAKER !! thank god i took my time to think about that one, funnily enough my original guess was gonna be 39 just with the math i did in my head (the actual answer was 38) but i figured i wasn't giving people enough credit so i bumped it up to 41, i was even considering 43, but im glad i didn't whew. anyways enough about the challenge but i won a memory comp so i wanted to touch on that because thats exciting. Alrighty well today has been pretty tame as far as the vote goes, it's almost 30 minutes before tribal and the chat with myself joanna juls and ruthie all agreed chips was a good vote out, i spoke to lily who said she heard autumn's name but i didn't hear that but i do think voting autumn would be smart. My only concern is i think autumn is a good person for me to use as someone i can get votes on next round if i lose immunity, she has been involved in a LOT of stuff in this game she was involved in the owen flip, the ruthie flip even though she was idoled and then even the jules flip, like she's been in everyones ear but people dont really see it, but i think lily does. And so if i can keep autumn as someone to campaign against if i lose immunity i feel like i have a shot at staying next round without immunity. HOWEVER, BREAKING NEWS, juls just told me that chips told her that he thinks it might be her going home, saying that the people who think she is close to me are saying that. Which could be true, but it could also be a tactic to try and get juls to flip or maybe misplay an idol, theres so many things that are going on. In a perfect world chips goes home, then autumn and then idk what at 5. If juls DOES go i think potentially bounce back, i think i could work with ruthie and lily as og hufflepuffs and i dont think joanna would necessarily outright target me over ruthie or lily. But it's dangerous because right now joanna is in the middle and as she proved last round she is willing to do whatever she has to and i think she lied to landen REALLY well so im nervous. I'm considering getting lily and juls and just voting autumn and if they try anything it could go 3-3-1 or potentially if we are not being lied to it goes 3-2-2 which gets out my target for next round, and breaks my trust even more with joanna, who vocalized how upset she was that i have lied to her/not voted with her. I think my best bet is to stick to the chips vote and give off the energy like im riding this group til the wheels fall off. If juls does go home, then i have to step my game up but honestly i have been in the drivers seat long enough in this game, if people want to make moves and take the heat off of me and just keep giving me blows to the perception that im potentially controlling things or at the center of the things? idek if thats the perception people have or maybe im just delusion and overhyping myself. I think i can sell my position in the owen/dan/landen votes as being less impactful than i think it really was. But autumn is smart, as is lily, they could see through me, but i think the calmness of landen not being here is helping me kinda sell the whole "see all that stuff was cause of landen!! not little ol me!!!" and if i continue to vote with the people i voted with last round i could make f5 in this game in a neat spot. But that's if people continue to trust me, which they would have reason not to but i hope that they do. This is such a calm round yet things are still so so so complex and layered. this game is genuinely something unlike anything I have played. Wish me luck im gonna need it.

Alright. So last round was a mess with Landen leaving and Lily trying to blindside Autumn. Not really conducive to an alliance sticking together when one votes out another and the other makes the attempt. To try to pull stuff back together Autumn and I pulled in Lily since she was just swindled into voting incorrectly... and picked up Ruthie since she would be in the bottom of what could be viewed as a trio going into six. Kevin can easily take Juls and Joanna to the end and win if she does not flip. And he will. So this round is either a confirmation of Kevin's win or it's an unlikely group of four voting for one of the people who would be taken to the end as a no-vote getter. I say unlikely group because Ruthie has voted me twice, I have voted her once, I have forced rocks against Lily, and Lily has voted Autumn. Yay team!

yall better not try it this round or there will be blood at Final 6. Here's to hoping everybody does what they're supposed to but if they don't, you can't save em all https://drive.google.com/file/d/1arE1qIyJHouJHyXGrNtW_bS8oYZEpUWb/view?usp=sharing

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #3: “I Wanna Start S#!t” - Chelsea

Honestly, Steffen, not much has happened for me in the first two episodes. We'll go over it really quick. I liked my original tribe of 5 with Jules, Liam, Christine, and Ryan. They were all awesome. My mentor, Colin, a fellow House of Shade alumni--also awesome. We won the flash game challenge (of the 5 competitors of my tribe, I scored 1 point which landed me in the middle of our tribe rankings). I bonded with Christine early. That could be something to hang onto. The following round was a crapshoot competition and we won that, too! On my new tribe, I like Lauren and Jack and I also have Christine there. I really wish there was more dirt or drama because I love writing lengthy confessionals, but things are just getting started here!

Alright. So I guess no one wants pleasant kind hearted lily around. They want mean angry bitter ass lily which I'm happy to give but they ain't gonna like it. I got an extra vote on this island thing that no one is gonna know about because fuck these bitches. I know I will need the upper hand later when the couples try to destroy the singles. When I get out of reflection island I'm gonna try to buddy up with Connor and ask him to be my new mentor. Jules I'm pissed. I wish I knew exactly what happened but I will try to get to the bottom of it and make sure all those losers pay. I hope you start feeling better too. I feel like I can't trust anyone after that but Jackson seems pretty genuine of not knowing or not being able to do anything. But, because of this HUGE betrayal everyone on that other tribe can fend for themselves. I'll be all nice nice yeah I'd love to work with you but nah. I ain't interested. Let's be clear here, I have no loyalties and I'm not playing some kind of loyal game. You cut my mentor ill cute you. BYE Andreas also told me about Jules getting voted out most likely before the vote which is cool. I appreciate that. But Nicholas Colin we ain't buddies. I'm rooting for a student to win but it ain't y'all. Tonight I will hopefully put together a board of what original tribes people were on their swap tribe and who their mentor is. I think this will help me get a better picture of what's going on. Also, being bitter as fuck only two days in? My aesthetic. 

Oh and also I miss the damn creative challenge? There better be more to come because I'm sad. I've never done a music video challenge this was my shot and these bitches took me out!!! What the HECKIE???? 

nothing's really happened imo. this main is slow. i want drama. nicholas said there's a majority cross tribe alliance. where's my invite? i wanna start shit. my goal is just to make merge so i can blow up, the best way "Trixsea" Steele knows how. :) :) :)

I know i killed this music video challenge, but Chelsea told me that me and only 3 others submitted anything and after re-reading the rules and seeing that its an extra 5 points for every appearance we could actually be fucked. It wouldn't be to big of a problem because honestly I like going to tribal and getting to vote people off, but I also know of the cross tribe majority alliance who supposedly has majority on our tribe right now. If we lose this I'll probably try to blow up and either shake that alliance up or go out in a blaze of chaotic glory.  

Im at tribal right now and I was getting a sick feeling that I was going to be the one voted out... But I always feel like that. I think that I am going to get my team together, Liam got a vote and if he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with me (even thought he said he wanted to) so yeah.... Me, Andreas, Colin, Liam, Ryan, Jackson... Then we have the numbers? yeah cus there is only nine of us rn. We could pull in Conner to make life really easy and to add a couple number just encase. If we do that then out of everyone we would have: Me and Liam, Colin and Brett, Ryan and Jackson, Andreas and... someone (-_- sorry) and then Conner who lost their student. Thats 9 people in a game with 18? maybe that  about half. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore but I do know that this needs to happen soon before I get bumped to the side... I do no like being a side bitch 

Ahhhh, I'm literally so in love with this challenge it was so much fun and Chelsea did such an amazing job editing it. If we don't win I'll be shocked...and scared. Lauren disappeared for a bit and didn't participate so like I'm a little...or a lot worried for her. As of right now I literally love this tribe. QuilLynn is super smart and I adore her, Willow and Chelsea are sweet and adorable and Brett is a gem. I guess the only person I haven't clicked with is Jack but for now everything's looking good and Im hoping we win the challenge :)

Whew, I'm so excited to have won immunity! The challenge was so much fun and now...its messy cause alliances are starting to form and QuilLynn told me about one that apparently me and Lauren are in? So I don't know if Lauren's making deals without me or what, but nobody's approached me specifically and I'm not in any chats so! I'm not sure what's going on and I don't like it. I think right now my #1 is QuilLynn. She's smart, sweet and very easy to talk to so I officially adore her and wanna protect her at all costs. I need to get things in order with Lauren cause I don't wanna get in the middle of some warfare we don't need to be in. 

We lost. Again. This is the worst. My tribe is cursed. Kinda. It's like a blessing in disguise for me tbh. I'm using this time to recover from last round and regroup. There's more talk of a majority alliance forming and I wanna make sure it happens so I can solidify my place in it. I think my number 1 ally has shifted from Nicholas to Jackson now. Jackson is literally my fave person in this game. He's so nice and fun to talk to, he's socially and strategically aware, and most importantly, he's really cute and nice to look at so! I still got that alliance with JD and Andreas but I am not really loyal to it. JD seems to playing messily and I've mentioned before Andreas seems too well connected for his own good. Anyway, onto this vote! Literally? The only thing I've heard? Is Connor? but....... that's all I've heard. Connor isn't putting out another name. No one else is putting out another name. And that's a recipe for paranoia in my mind. I wanna trust the majority that's been built, JD says Jackson and Ryan will be voting with us, and I trust them 10000% but I'm a paranoid hoe. 

my confessional game so far has been weak af so far like I literally forgot to write a confessional last round, so I guess I'll just do a quick recap. Essentially I have mixed feelings about my tribe bc there are 3 other people who I really like Chelsea, QuilLynn, and Gage. We ended up creating an alliance and QuilLynn titled it "arent you Klad I didn't say fjorden" which is iconic! Anyway that cookie challenge last round killed me but I'm glad I came up with the strategy to split 3 on 0, 3 on 9 and 3 in the middle. Lily was convinced that they weren't going to put all their cookies on one of our tribe mates so like I'm kinda glad I proved her wrong lmao idk. As for the people I have mixed feelings about Jack is okay I mean he usually replies but in PMs he can be kinda boring and give one word answers. Christine is really nice but she just doesnt reply a lot? maybe she just doesnt like small talk or something. Brett, I've heard really good things about him but he only replies when its about him lol, like if I ever start sharing one of my stories or whatever idk he just stops replying lol. Lauren, okay shes super cute but seems inactive. Anyway I was like super excited that we got to do the music video challenge this round, its always super fun even though what I make is always really awkward lmao. Anyway like 4 people from our tribe didnt submit, Jack was sick (so he says), Gage was moving which is alright, and Lauren (didn't say anything about why she didn't do it lol), and Chelsea was editing so its all good. Shes like a really good editor and our video turned out great so I'm glad we won even though we had like 4 people in the video compared to them having like 7. So then QuilLynn informs me that Chelsea told her that theres a majority alliance of like 8ish people?? like what the fuck thats about half the people here. So its Andreas-Jack, Colin-Brett, JD-Liam, and potentially Lauren-Christine. And there are a bunch of people we're unsure could be in the alliance. And then as Im hearing about the alliance I'm realizing that it consists of the people on my tribe who dont always reply to me lol or when they do are boring. And I mean I know im not the most interesting texter but these people are worse then me. So then I was talking to Ryan and asking him about his tribe and the reward and stuff to see if I could get any information about whether if hes in the majority or not without directly asking. So I was like whats was the idol clue reward this time and he told me about how it has to do with whoever gets the lowest score in the challenge, which sounds super complicated bc if someone with the lowest score doesnt have the clue then no one gets the idol. And he gave the clue to me, and I wanna give it to QuilLynn but we dont need too many people throwing the challenge and if one of our alliance members already has it then it should be alright, and it'll keep up my trust with Ryan since Im not supposed to give it to anyone so Im hoping its a win win. but he told me that I wasnt supposed to tell anyone about what the reward was but before he told me that I had already told my alliance bc I think I trust them more oops? but I think I want to trust Ryan. I told him that I heard rumors about a cross tribe majority alliance but thats all I knew, and he told me about a group of mentors and students talk about a potential alliance and they asked Danielle about it and she told Ryan she would try to get him in if she could. So then I tried talking to Danielle just making small talk or whatever and she only gave one word answers, which was fucking weird? Like some shit is clearly going on that I dont know about? I can already tell im becoming messy af which I wanted to not try to do as much as I did last season but maybe im just naturally a messy player and theres nothing I can do about it lol. Anyway I hope the majority isnt something I should worry about and I hope they self destruct somehow or Im just hoping that it doesnt exist at all and it was just a rumor made up to scare people or some shit. 

[midnightwalkin]

Okay I'm gonna talk about Graham stuff. I don't know why its been so hard to bring this up?? I think part of it is Graham himself is massively ashamed of this so if you ever wondered how to make him feel like shit, this is it. Its really not the worst thing the characters on here have done lol but Graham just wishes he was a better person about this situation, but he wasn't

Graham as a young man used to bully someone. And I don't mean like "gimme ur lunch money nerd", At the time I don't think he considered it bullying. I think one of Graham's biggest problems is he's either very close to people or highly disconnected. He has a sense of justice, but, in the past it reflected back at the wrong person. Long story short, there was a chronically ill kid in his class. The boy seemed okay most of the time like, not perpetually dying, so teachers thought "oh well why not have him up to class standards and push him to do as well as his peers" because its like fucking. 1902. Well, the overall score of the class's physical fitness dropped and Graham was actually, a really fucking good student. His home life was relatively uneventful and he had a lot expected from him to fill in. So here's this kid who can't run as well as everyone else and its dragging down the rest of the class in a pretty competitive school. Clearly, something is unfair about this situation. And if it were current Graham dealing with this, he'd blame it on the staff, but young Graham reacted like most kids, by taking it on the boy himself.

Now Graham wasn't the only one, other kids were probably worse, but he didn't help. He was frustrated, in his eyes this kid is giving up and simply not trying hard enough. The rest of them have to work hard, so why is this kid just not bothering? Graham grew up in a family who's motto was basically "Chin up." They dont talk about their problems, they "work through it" which will bite Graham in the ass later. So, he's this 15 year old thinking "what the fuck, just try harder, everyone else has to so why cant you. You seem fine every other day so what is the problem"

Graham and his group of friends were pretty rough and tumble kids. Like knocking each other out of trees, tackling each other. And he still isnt good at knowing his own strength sometimes, and there was a point where he went too far. They cornered this boy and the back of the school and basically they vented at him, pushed the kid around, but he didnt say anything. Graham got more and more angry that he was trying to get through to him but he just stood there, clearly irritated, but stayed quiet. So someone else pushed the kid hard enough to knock him to the ground and Graham kicked him with his heel. The kid starts coughing violently and and throws up. A teacher's coming so the boys scatter and Graham looks back to see the kid lying motionless in the grass and for a moment he realizes he messed up. The kids out of school for weeks and no one got in trouble. The kid didn't tell anybody.

But, Graham never apologizes. He winds up feeling more defensive than anything and will do things like knock things out of the boy's hand as he's walking. He's angry, but he doesn't understand that feeling guilty is part of his anger. One day the kid just vanishes. Its never solved. They don't know if it was a kidnapping or if he ran away but thats it. And that really gnaws at Graham. He doesn't realize it until the war and the narcolepsy start screwing with his head. Once he saw a soldier run past him and he thought its him. He still doesnt know if the kid eventually joined the army like he did or if its his own guilt making he see that, but it only happened once. Severe symptoms of narcolepsy put him in the position where he had no control over himself. He'd be falling asleep while doing something only to look up and see friends laughing at him. He knows they dont do it to be mean, they just dont get it. People get frustrated when he starts to pass out in serious moments. He could feel the irritation around him but he cant possibly say he has no control over it, he just silently hates himself and wonders why it cant be easier. And thats when everything clicks. That kid had no control over his own physical limit. He was doing the best he could, but it wasn't like what everyone else could accomplish.

And even though he's realized that, he can't ever say sorry. There's no closure. There's no way for him to convey that he was wrong. And even if he apologized it wouldn't changed what happened. It wouldn't suddenly make the past any less difficult. Which is why Graham now will get angry of he sees someone getting picked on. He sees himself in abusive people in front of him and feels disgusted by it. I guess. It knocked him down a peg. I feel like tho him talking to other people who suffer isnt only to alleviate guilt, but he really does get it. He's on their level now, he's been down that road, so its not that he reaches out to people like that out of pity, but because he doesn't want to see suffering anymore. He doesnt want to see another kid passed out near their own vomit in the grass, or young men killed out on the battlefield. He really can't stand violence at this point. He's torn morally and still struggles with connecting to people completely, because his own guilt and fear of misery hurt too much. It hurts to see other people suffer and feel like he can't do anything about it. He has a strong sense of justice, but he doesn't really know how to channel it anymore. He second guesses himself. And with Thomas especially, he's not sure what road to take but all he knows is he wants to help. Oh and, even though he doesn't want to see violence anymore, it still happens to him. Thomas' family being one of them. Or the fact that Lily, Thomas' aunt and someone he really really connected with, is facing the death penalty unless something proves she didn't do it.

So to summarize, a lot of things have happened to make Graham feel like shit and he often wonders if he actually deserves to even like, be allowed to be happy because of the mistakes he's made so he often pushes people away and can ignore help when its being offered to him. He gets disconnected from others when he's in a really bad mood and can actually be kinda mean??? So yeah those are basically graham's absolutely worst flaws

[yuricakes]

personal recap

I know 2016 will always be remembered as a shit year, but personally it wasn’t bad at all. I was able to knock off plenty of firsts and not to mention freaking amazing memories.  I dont really post personals on tumblr anymore... i get too lazy.. but I wanted to make a recap post for fucks and giggles. so without further ado...

January... 

beginning of the year and all I really remember was that i cut off all my dyed hair that was blond/pink... it felt too dry and i really wanted to try out short hair. I kept my green til i ran out of dye. Felipe came to visit me. We went around with his GoPro making videos (that we never edited).. things were mostly good. 

February.

Deadpool! haha. free comics. I was able to meet the newest member of the family. but tbh i cant remember his name right now.. >.> This was also the month where Jodi got reservations at their favorite club but her dumbass got everyone kicked out cuz she punched a guy... shes a mess but at least there was a room in the bathroom to have a photoshoot.. that was a first for me? 

MARCH

BITCH!! Family vacation for Spring break to sunnyass Florida. 20 hours on the road and we passed by some beautiful parts of some states. Alabama was everything I pictured the south to look like.. the trees? The plants? like everything was so beautiful i was in awe???? We were able to take Roskie with us so that dog has traveled from east to west and everything else in between. 

DISNEYWORLD, guys... 

then a trip to Universal.. 

Them clear beaches in Miami.. we begged dad for another week >.< 

it was probably the best time we’ve had in a while... I am so grateful to be able to have these trips with my family. I love them.

APRil ..

I legit didnt even unpack once we got home after Florida since I left a few days after to California. It was Felipe’s and I 5th year anniversary. We didnt see each other the day of, but we went out for dinner that night. I think it was this visit where Duh Group got drunk as shit in Malibu.. if not then it was the night Isaac almost lost an ear? lmao or am i mixing everything up? lol either way DuhGroup was up to something. I also got to meet Baby A! The newest newest member of the Campos family!!! He was born on Nana’s Birthday !

MAY.. VIP with Olga

June .. Another trip to L.A. with another special occasion :) Felipe and I were Padrinos to Izzy! First timers! and the day before the party I went out with my friends to the beach and got the worst sunburn around my neck and face. I used so much foundation to even out my face and neck. Izzy looked so cute and the food was delish! This is def one of my prouder moments in life. :) 

July .. the month my dad became a cartoon haha. more tan lines and i got stung by the fattest bee :x . Pokemon Go! Roskie took hella walks to the lake. Scored VIP tickets to see Borns with my little sister Brisa. It was amazing. We forsure are going again whenever he returns. 

August.. Got drunk as shit with Olga on her birthday. She wanted to go big so she got table reservations and bottle service for her 25th. We went hard af and tbh threw up everywhere Dx . I posted a picture on snapchat where I replied “me too” to a sign that said “i love you”. I drunk loved that sign? lmao. I took Brisa and Nana to our first Comic Con! Nana cosplayed Naruto’s Sasuke, Brisa did Phatom of the Opera, and I did Sailor Moon! :D 

September was when I took my youngest sister Brianna to her first concert. I got her front row seats to see Fifth Harmony. Even tho I do like the group, I had never felt so out of place before, but it felt good watching my sister fangirl so fucking hard to her all time favorite group. She sang along to every song and danced and clapped the whole way through. 

October is lame because I have no pictures not even from Halloween. I had Felipe visit me too. I was an olive for halloween lmao 

November the birthday month. just as lame as october. but with a couple pictures :P Like said, Felipe came to visit and we met Lily! cute and overly hyperactive dog. All I wanted for my birthday was to go see Moana. We did that and then drinks&wings while we bowled. 

December was a showstopper. I fucking FINALLY left the states to visit Mexico, cabrones!! first time meeting the family we have over there and I have never felt more at home. Olga and I legit did not want to leave. Everything was so beautiful. We ate like kings. Treated like princesses. haha it was really fucking nice. I wanna go back ASAP. Next time get some more sight seeing done. I have so many pictures and I recorded as much as I could, but unfortunately my camera died like 4 days into the trip and I didnt take my charger like a dumbass. We were able to visit the pueblo where my dad comes from and finally see all the places my dad would describe to us in his stories from when he was a kid. I’ve never ever felt more in peace with myself and just so down to my roots ever before. Everything from that trip explained to me in beautiful pictures why my dad is exactly the way he is. I saw him in everything and everyone. His existence made sense in my mind. idk if im making any sense right now but just know that i finally understand why my dad is the way he is and i am 10000000xs more grateful for having him as my dad. I love my family. 

2016 gave me a lot, but in all honesty, I dont feel in the slightest way full. If anything I’m even more hungry to see the rest of the world and experience all the wonderful things out there. I hope 2017 is as blessed if not more than 2016 for my family and friends. I don’t have any new year resolutions but I do have big moves for this year. I pray that I make it to the end of the year as happy as I did this year. :)

[atlas-evolves]

it's the book anon, lol. i'm too shy to come off anon, but i'm glad you appreciate my messages! i'll message you more, then! :) why don't you do everyone in trc for that ask thing?

awwww!!!!!!!!!!! thats okay, love!!!! and yeah, feel free to do this anytime, even if it’s not about books!!!! ily!!!

Blue Sargent

 Why I like them: she’s a badass female character that doesn’t take any boy’s bullshit. also, she works really hard to achieve her dreams and she’s really resilient. also her fashion sense? amazing. i aspire to be her, tbh. also she’s short like me lol

Why I don’t: okay, it’s not even something i don’t like about her, because i sorta do? but it’s kinda off-putting how cliché her character is? like she’s the only one in her family that isn’t a psychic, but she’s a ~mirror~. i love cliché things tho….. so it’s conflicting?

·         Favorite line: “I just want to pretend. I want to pretend I could.” / “It should be so.” / Every fight she had with Adam, tbh.

·         OTP: bluesy, duh.

·         Brotp: ronan/blue….idk what the ship name is but their friendship is the reason i breathe tbh.

·         Head Canon: idk…. i like her canon enough lmao like i don’t think i have any?

·         Unpopular opinion: probably the thing i wrote above lmao

·         A wish: that she lives a long, happy life and goes to costa rica and fulfills all of her dreams

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: she changes anything about her ever

·         5 words to best describe them: feminist, aesthetic, hardworking, funny, badass

·         My nickname for them: i don’t have one

Richard “Dick” Campbell Gansey III

·         Why I like them: he is the greatest friend ever? he cares so much about his friends and he’s just so…. so good to them. he’s also so smart and so driven to do the things he wants to do and i admire him so much for that. also he can be That Bitch when he needs to be and i live for it. all his fucking quirks it’s beautiful.  i relate to his anxious ass lmao his fashion sense kills me too.

·         Why I don’t: the! motherfucking! will-he-die-shit! i haven’t finished the raven king and i’m lowkey pulling my hair out every time i read a scene with him in it.

·         Favorite line: “I believe I’m having a panic attack.” / “I like you an awful lot, Blue Sargent.” / The whole duck scene / “Crushed and broken. Just the way women like ‘em.” / “Safe as life.”

·         OTP: bluesey

·         Brotp: god……………………………………. the trio, tbh. i live for their friendship. don’t make me choose between them.

·         Head Canon: i have this very specific head canon for how his voice sounds but idk how to describe it

·         Unpopular opinion: idk?

·         A wish: that he lives happily,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, please………………

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: having him die,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

·         5 words to best describe them: driven, anxious, king, leader, fighter

·         My nickname for them: none?

Ronan Lynch

·         Why I like them: where do i start………………………………. god. first of all how much he loves his family and his friends. like he would literally die for them and holy fuck he’s so fucking sweet. like he masks it with this harsh exterior but like??? he gave adam lotion, he paid his rent. he goes to church every sunday to see his brother. he wrote “remembered” on noah’s car over “murdered” i cried tbh. he didn’t kill kavinsky the first time he saw him?  he dreamt up a fucking baby raven, named it chainsaw, and raised that thing. fucking angel. but he’s also a huge asshole? also how fucking Dramatic he is, because same. i just…… really relate to this asshole so much.

·         Why I don’t: okay…… so when he dreamt that night and almost died….. he let gansey and everyone let him thing that he killed himself…….. and then liked joked about it………. like i get his reasoning and like i totally understand it all, but as someone whose struggled with suicide and shit…. it just wasn’t cool to read that.

·         Favorite line: everything he says is perfect tbh but…. “You’re already dead!” / “Thanks Parrish, I like your face, too.” / “It makes you look like a loser.” / “There was never a you and me.” / “Jesus Mary Fuck!” / “You’re just jealous because you didn’t find one, too.” / “I’m being perfectly fucking civil.” / “Don’t fucking swear.” / “Maybe I dreamt you.” / “Gansey’s partying with his mother. And Noah’s fucking dead. But Parrish is here.”

·         OTP: pynch…………..rovinsky (kill me tbh but like….. i ship it)

·         Brotp: gansey/ronan, and blue/ronan, i live for their friendships tbh also!!! noah/ronan, i think that’s my fave

·         Head Canon: i have this head canon (that’s basically canon) but if any of his friends, even if they’re not adam, need something, he’ll dream it for them and hide it somewhere they’ll find it. also this is also canon but when he moves to the barns he dreams a shit ton of animals and will text pictures of them to adam gansey and blue all the time and that he makes his animals a meme and everyone loves it. also trans ronan is my fucking shit

·         Unpopular opinion: tbh…. idk

·         A wish: he lives a long, happy life as a farmer with his beautiful husband and adoptive daughter i’m waiting for the dreamer trilogy to kill me

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: pls….. don’t hurt my son or his friends……… keep everyone safe.

·         5 words to best describe them: asshole, dramatic, caring, strong, honest

·         My nickname for them: nothing, yo

Adam Parrish

·         Why I like them: where the fuck do i even………. ok so like adam is so fucking strong, okay? he stayed at an abusive household, didn’t accept charity, and stuck to his principles. that shit is so fucking hard. and when it came down to it, he stuck up for himself, and got his father in trouble, and accepted his friends help, which in some ways is harder. and he’s so driven, working multiple jobs to pay for food and school and rent, going to a private school school and getting A’s because he knows that he has to work hard to achieve what he wants. and he’s intuitive. he knows that ronans crushing on him, he figured out that gansey was destined to die, and he’s just….. so smart. And he’s!!!! bisexual. love that representation.

·         Why I don’t: okay…. so like, i understand sticking to your principles, but……. there’s a time where it’s totally acceptable to not. and when you’re fucking able to leave an abusive household, that’s a pretty good fucking reason. Granted, he did eventually, but he could’ve don’t it a lot sooner. he’s just a little shortsighted, i guess? Ironic, lmao. also, his callouts (like with blue, when telling ronan he knew he paid the rent, etc.) is appreciated, because he isn’t taking bullshit, he could… handle them better.

·         Favorite line: “That’s this biggest lie you’ve ever told.” (GET REKT) /  all his exchanges with ronan tbh / “I’d like to press charges.” / “Nobody knows what [enter long word here] means, Gansey.” / all his callouts with blue

·         OTP: pynch

·         Brotp: gansey/adam

·         Head Canon: I have very specific headcanons for him but like………. idk it’s too long

·         Unpopular opinion: binch idk

·         A wish: he lives a happy, long life with his famer boyfriend and adoptive daughter.

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: just let my son be happy, alright? Happy and safe

·         5 words to best describe them: a mess, motivated, sad, intuitive, angry

·         My nickname for them: idk??

Noah Czerny

·         Why I like them: He’s literally so cute and sweet??? But also??? kinda terrifying. A+

·         Why I don’t: Because I’m halfway through trk and idk whats happening with him

·         Favorite line: “He threw me out the window!” / “Glitter! Whoops!” / “I’ve been dead for seven years.” / “I’ve told you I was dead. I’m dead.” / all his interactions with blue rip

·         OTP: god…. i don’t ship him romantically with anyone???

·         Brotp: Ronan/Noah // Blue/ Noah

·         Head Canon: like with everyone they’re too specific rip

·         Unpopular opinion: That he’s Good? idk

·         A wish: that he does whatever the hell he wants

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he passes on? does he? Don’t tell me

·         5 words to best describe them: cute, scary, eccentric, gullible, creative

·         My nickname for them: none

 Joseph Kavinsky

·         Why I like them: i just love him, alright? he’s garbage, i know. but like……… you can tell he’s been through a lot in life, and who wouldn’t be fucked up after their dad tried to murder them? and he’s very… gung-ho about everything i love it. and how blunt he is? live for it.

·         Why I don’t: he could…. Not use homophobic slurs. Lmao dude, ur gay af, u can stop.

·         Favorite line: “It’s either with me or against me.” / tbh all his shots at gansey/ronan being together / that exchange with ronan when he was talking about his past

·         OTP: god………………………… lavinsky…………….. shoot me i know. also him and proko.

·         Brotp: him and proko…. And lavinsky tbh.

·         Head Canon: i have a lot riperoni

·         Unpopular opinion: he’s a Good character. Maybe not a good person, but…..

·         A wish: him not being dead would be pretty great.

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: the worst has already happened so wtf else could tear me down? (this is not an invitation………..)

·         5 words to best describe them: gay, blunt, asshole, sad, jealous

·         My nickname for them: none

 Henry Cheng

·         Why I like them: Because he’s so nice to everyone? Like he helps Blue at school when they fake that fight. He offered to fly places with her. And all his interactions with Gansey? A+

·         Why I don’t: I literally don’t know if I trust him or not? Like I’m sure I can but that thing with the robot bee? Rude.

·         Favorite line: Honestly…. Every line he says is iconic. / “Life is a show.” / the interaction with gansey in blue lily, lily blue / the interaction with gansey in the Aglionby hidey hole

·         OTP: i don’t ship him romantically with anyone rip

·         Brotp: him and gansey also him and blue tbh

·         Head Canon: don’t have any tbh

·         Unpopular opinion: Idk

·         A wish: that he’s happy and stops being fucking…………. mysterious.

·         An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: that he fucks everyone over? (please don’t tell me if he does or doesn’t but like………… pls henry)

·         5 words to best describe them: helpful, funny, charitable, dramatic, eccentric

·         My nickname for them: none

[sovtwords]

i just read you found me and bestie 😳 i sat here for a good three and a half hours and read the whole thing in one go AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT !! kind of a rant ahead so i’m sorry in advance hehe

the whole story was so beautifully thought out and i absolutely fell in love w each person’s characterization. the time atsumu frowned when he saw lilies on mcs desk flew over my head but i later on noticed and gasped so loud my dog woke up LOL i just realized you never used y/n (right or did i just never notice) and i think you are powerful for that. it just gives the mc more freedom and room to be interpreted in whatever way while still maintaining a personality that fits the story. also himari’s my absolute fave and she’s best girl sorry i dont make the rules

in you should have found me my heart absolutely broke for osamu because it’s so clear how different the twins reaction would be depending on who got the girl. osamu was always a bit more selfless in general but in that fic the way it was established that even years later atsumu would still be affected by it just screams ab how different they really are. i hope osamu got a happy ending w someone he loves and loves him back, he deserves it

the whole thing was a ride, the way that there was so much push and pull and frustration made me scream omg. the situation with tomi was so stressful and nobody should have to go with that kind of abuse (bc it is abuse no matter how anyone looks at it! and i love that you recognized it as so) and blackmail. the fact that mc didnt blame atsumu for getting with tomi because she too was with someone else (fuck daishou and mika too lw i thought she was cooler than that 😡) so its nice that she didnt outright blame him, bc i sure as hell would LOL but anyway. the way that these two felt so strongly ab each other and were so patient and still loved each other thru all the shit theyve gone thru makes me so happy bc a love like that is so pure

high school tsumu was a little shit and he (respectfully) needed to get decked but the way that he learned and did better and even tried to make tomi realize that too was much needed and appreciated. the thing with this fic tho is that no one can really blame anyone for how they acted (except tomi and daishou like cmon man do better) bc its so raw and human of them. atsumu was young and in love but didnt know it and was terrified of what everyone would think of him, which is valid esp bc his whole life, people have been telling him that osamu is the better twin with a better personality and whatnot. and you cant blame mc for leaving bc getting bullied like that and having the one person you trust turn their back on you hurts

still my heart absolutely goes out to osamu. i saw somewhere that atsumu is the one who gets seen and osamu is the one who is liked, so they both have this underlying resentment (i dont think thats the right word. jealousy?) to each other. bc when you heard miya youd think of atsumu but once they got to know both twins, it’s osamu they like. i feel like osamu is more known as atsumu’s twin sometimes bc he’s just the one thats more out there, yk? but atsumu just being grateful for osamu made me so happy and osamu being happy for his twin and mc made me even happier even tho he was hurting inside. give him a happy ending im begging you my tiny heart hurts after you should have found me pls tell me he’s happy and moved on

also let’s all thank yuta for getting along w mc to begin w LOL he’s second best after himari 😌 bokuroo dynamic was a much needed addition and i love them more than anything, same vibes as hanamattsun like chaotic gay bros who’d tear down the earth for the ones they love 😪

i feel like i still have so much left to say but this is already super long and im sorry for that. you found me is now one of my fave fics (probs my fave atsumu fic i loved it that much) ever and im so grateful you took the time to write it. thanks for the journey and im looking forward to your fics (im gonna binge rn 😈) and future works! stay hydrated <3

BESTIE EYE- KASJAASUDFHYAS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START BECAUSE I'M CRYING

Firstly thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a long and detailed message with such kind words, i literally did not stop smiling the entire time I was reading it oml i was so giddy reading it

I'm so glad you caught onto those little tidbits i left in the story, i tried to have meaning in every tiny details so it makes me happy that you caught onto them! And you're right! I didn't use Y/N in the story at all, or any of my stories! I kinda feel at times using anything like Y/N or (name) feels a bit clunky? It kinda takes me out of the story, so I try not to include it in my stories at all, and either use a nickname or nothing! ALSO I'M SO HAPPY YOU LOVED HIMARI AND YUTA!!

Your analysis of how different the twins are and their dynamic with each other in not only HQ but my fic is just CHEFS KISS MWAH it's so good and you really hit the nail on the head. Like you said they're both winners in different ways; Atsumu is the star boy who gets noticed for his talent and charisma but Osamu is the better liked twin in the end because of his personality and calm nature. I think the twins are just so interesting to write about that way, how they love differently and approach life dasjfhasd will definitely write more with the two of them in the future

I really screwed over Osamu in 'I should have found you', didn't I? LOL I need to do my boy some justice in future stories i write, whether they're related to You Found Me or not. But rest assured he had a happy ending regardless of whether he's in a relationship or not! He's taking life step by step and finding success in his job and with his friends! <3

I guess the thing I wanted to focus on in this fic is that everyone goes through some sort of struggle in some way. Even someone like cocky, hotheaded atsumu feels the weight of pressure and to act a certain way because its expected of him. He may not have dealth with it well at first (he was a kid tbf!) but what matters is how he grows from the hurt and learns how to do right the second time. I am a sucker for 'right people, wrong time' tropes after all hahaha everybody deals with shit, so it's important that they all found someone to lean on

I don't ship much but Bokuroo is my SHIT i just love really stupid bros that are in love and every day is a wild ride, like matsuhana too ajhsdfhsd

Seriously, thank you so much for even reading my fic, let alone sending such a sweet message. I'm beyond happy that you loved it, and to call it one of your fave fics just makes my head explode LMAO

I do hope you enjoy the other fics (trash) I write, my mind goes in a million directions and I can only hope ppl understand what i write HAHAHA

THANK YOU SO MUCH MY LOVE, I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY <33333

[survivorwakea]

Episode #3: “New Tribe New Tribulations.” - Ben

That joint tribal went almost perfectly besides the fact that a dean voted for me for whatever freakkkkiing reason, but I really came out of that tribal with close allys in Johnney and Chloe from the other tribes so I really think that is dope I would type more but I’m shot

wow ladies so im sitting on the toilet rn and i am fucking shaking in my boots. do u know how worried i am rn. im so worried. johnny said at the joint tribal that we were SOMEHOW not a part of that the 13 of them had already gotten to know each other and meet each other and everything that hit me rly hard bc like.... shit. shit shit fuck. fuck fuck shit. fuck. they’re friends already and more likely than not lono is gonna get picked off one by one at the tribe swap or whatever im literally so scared

Omg omg omg I just went to like my first ever live tribal and it was soooo exciting omg omg omg. I really loved having the chance to sort of better connect with these people and have a moment with them that you wouldn't otherwise have really. And, I survived so that's a massive plus as well!! Eek I'm just so excited right now to be playing this season and everyone on the other tribes seem so active and happy and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them more throughout the season. It sucks I had to lose Dean but we all have to make sacrifices somewhere.

Just got on new tribes and I’m pleased. I think I should be able to make some strong connections here. Elmo’s on my tribe and that really helps. Also talking to Joey and he seems pretty cool. Hopefully we do a good enough job on whatever song we choose so none of us have to go home. Hopefully Johnny, Justin, and Taylor are alright. I still kinda don’t know what I’m doing or where I am. Didn’t realize until half way through the last round that all 3 tribes were at the combined tribal. I thought there were 10 of us and that it could be a split vote. True flop? Yes. Maybe I’ll decide to get it together.

After a really crazy tribal council, we swapped and to be honest I don’t feel as bad about this as I probably should. I feel like during the joint tribal I bonded well enough with Chloe, Thomas and Taylor where I think that if we go to a tribal I have enough bonds started that will keep me safe at least for another round and on top of that we also got Cullen on our tribe which is honestly the best case scenario because that could honestly be a free round!

Trust Rankings (Early AF) 1. Chloe 2. Thomas 3. Taylor 4. Randy Who’s Cullen?

Well I knew I was going to be talking about the swap eventually. Cullan just got evacuated which is sad and I hope he is doing okay. I'm glad I swapped with Chloe and I feel Adam and Taylor are staring to see me and Chloe as a duo, which can be either good or bad. Randy I need to talk to more. Taylor and Adam both said they would be a number to me and Chloe if we need them, but I hope to hold that off for a little while.I just want to win this next challenge and avoid tribal :)

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DOES THOMAS THINK HE IS DOING RIGHT NOW?   Taylor has messaged me saying last night they spoke to Thomas about maybe us 3 working together and that Taylor thought maybe Thomas should message me first about it. But here I am with Taylor messaging me about it and no word at all from Thomas. I've given Thomas a chance to bring it up, I've been sat talking to him about how he's now finished school so he has more time to play orgs. This could so easily lead into a conversation about how Taylor messaged him. But instead he's just said "Im gonna go get a slurpee" well while you're out go find someone else to work with you because you're gonna need all the help you can get because I'm fucking coming for your bitchass now and I'm not gonna stop until it's red raw from taking all these hits from me.

New Tribe New Tribulations. I stayed with Elmo which is good, and I have been chatting up the rest of the tribe. Jared seems nice and I've floated the idea of working with him at a potential tribal. I've talked less with Lily, but she seems nice. People I've talked the least with are Ian and Joey. Joey never responded to my messages, and Ian I just don't talk to lol. I'm pretty confident ian would stick with me and elmo and I think we could successfully target Joey, especially if we hold the milo 3 over their heads and threatened rocks.

So, my premonition was most indeed correct. We ended up swapping from 4 tribes to 3 tribes. Not that that’s a totally bad thing. I mean, looking at OG tribes on Haumea 2.0, I’m in a 3-2-1 majority. And we had a music video challenge. My tribe lip synced to I Write Sins Not Tragedies. The question is, will we be pouring the champagne in victory? Or will the goddamn door be closed on one of us at tribal council?

whew. sorry i haven’t made a confessional yet i’ve been busy. but now i feel like i’m gonna leave out important info so let’s hope i don’t. we swapped tribes and that was... a bummer. i had my 3 person alliance over on my other tribe and i had elmo! i miss elmo so much and just hope we meet again soon. i don’t really loooove my new tribe.. i like justin of course and i think i’ve been hitting it off with johnny. and strayed talking to anbel a bit. tried to talk to bodhi and asya but nothing really clicked. here’s something interesting.. justin told me he went idol searching and he looked where i looked round one and where i found the idol. he told me that a power was there but it’s now gone and he told me that johnny told him he looked there but said he just drowned in the vortex and didn’t say anything about a power being there. so i think johnny just messed up his words but now justin thinks johnny has a power and i’m just letting him think that and throwing scenarios out there and i can let johnny take the blame hehe. i also went idol aka advantage searching somewhere and i got somewhere asking if i’d be willing to give up 2 votes. i thought about how during the joint tribal a vote was missing so i assumed whatever power is there, somebody has it. so i said nope bye i want my votes! i told justin about this so i can kinda pin asya having this power since she was at the joint tribal and she’s on my tribe now so it could be a good excuse to vote her off if we ever go to tribal and i can be safe another round.

so now justin thinks johnny has the idol or some kind of power even though it’s really me who has it. and thinks asya has whatever power she got for giving up 2 votes. idek if asya is the one who got that power but i needed someone to pin it out so we have an excuse to vote her out and i can stay safe.

i also wanna apologize for whatever spelling mistakes i make and if i literally don’t make any sense at all. it’s so hard to type up exactly what i’m feeling and put it into words kdkdkdkd.

Trust List:

1. Joey 2. Anabel 3. Elmo 4. Ben 5. Bodhi 6. Lily 7. Randy 8. Ian

so we swapped which is great! the initial numbers are 3-2-1 and im in the 3 so that's great! however ian isnt the most socially active player so i think he could easily be the target of the 2 and the 1 and i dont think either ben or myself would want to pull a rock for him right now

i think i will hint him to get close to like lily or someone so in case we ended up losing a challenge she'd want to target joey instead of him. thats the goal. i dont want to lose ian bc basically if lily sides with joey in that situation, jared will be the decider and while i do trust jared, i think it gives him too much power yanno and it might be enticing for him to stick to his OG tribe ally rather than two ppl he met at the swap

im not sure how that will go but i hope well hehe! ALSO I FOUND AN IDOL, ZACK'S INFORMATION PULLED THROUGH!!! i havent told anyone yet, in fact host made a mistake in the beginnin sayin that it was already found and then said like 1h later, oh u actually have an idol and that got me SHOOK TO MY CORE! the awk thing is that i told ben already that i didnt find it so hdiasfahsdif! i just hope that when / if i tell him, he wont be too upset with me bc i right now i consider us p close!

It’s hot as hell where I am right now. Better to be sweating over the heat than sweating over tribal, I guess.

I got tribe swapped fucked and im annoyed.

So i got put on a tribe full of STINKY stinky players. And the challenge is a lipsync so im like "submit the lipsyncs ASAP" and theyre practically more than useless and do nothing. So we submitted practically nothing because theyre so fucking bad at time management. And now we're at tribal.

Nobody talking to me about the vote, so I'm going home. I'll try and pull a stunt but idk. Wish me luck

Milu 2.0...hmmm... Where do I begin? 🤔 So my feelings on the tribe are mixed. Adam, Tom and Chloe were all part of the previous joint tribal so I had already had conversations with all of them. It made it easier to socialize when the swap actually did happen. Tom seems like a cool cat, and I had approached him with the idea of him, Chloe and I grouping up. Chloe seemed more than okay with it, but Tom never talked to Chloe about it like he said he would. That raised some red flags for me and Chloe. Adam and Randy I didn't feel as comfortable to begin with, but in the past day or two Adam has really came around and proposed we work together. Thus CAT was born. It's maybe not something long term but I think I could have great allies in Chloe and Adam individually. Tonight's vote is probably the most uncomfortable yet. Nothing feels solid, everything feels very much in the air, even if I have a majority alliance. This game is a rollercoaster and tonight I'm teetering on the edge and I have that sinking feeling in my gut. All I can do is put blind faith in my people and hope for the best.

Milu 2.0...hmmm... Where do I begin? 🤔 So my feelings on the tribe are mixed. Adam, Tom and Chloe were all part of the previous joint tribal so I had already had conversations with all of them. It made it easier to socialize when the swap actually did happen. Tom seems like a cool cat, and I had approached him with the idea of him, Chloe and I grouping up. Chloe seemed more than okay with it, but Tom never talked to Chloe about it like he said he would. That raised some red flags for me and Chloe. Adam and Randy I didn't feel as comfortable to begin with, but in the past day or two Adam has really came around and proposed we work together. Thus CAT was born. It's maybe not something long term but I think I could have great allies in Chloe and Adam individually. Tonight's vote is probably the most uncomfortable yet. Nothing feels solid, everything feels very much in the air, even if I have a majority alliance. This game is a rollercoaster and tonight I'm teetering on the edge and I have that sinking feeling in my gut. All I can do is put blind faith in my people and hope for the best.

This confessional is for the Third cycle where the end result was 4-1 (Randy, Tom) Loosing this challenge as honestly a rally hard pill to swallow I was absolutely pissed if we’re being honest, pissed at the fact that the final product was my video that as supposed to get snipped and trimmed because I didn’t know legit anything about that song or even lii syncing. I think me competing and being the one that submitted helped me when it was time to vote somebody out because I was told by basically everyone that sending me home would have been a silly decision. I honestly think my only option was too got out Randy because I think I’m solid with everybody else individually where I was trying to force something with Randy. If we lose again things will honestly go from 0 to 100 real fast as I don’t think anybody knows if Tom and Chloe are actually tight or what the deal is there but that will one hunger percent come in to place. All in all very successful round for me in my opinion. I think I need to be careful not to build this huge target on my back but I’m staying focused and just plowing through

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week3/s-0kmTB

I’m doing wonderful! As far as this game is concerned, Jared and I are tighter than Ralphie May’s(RIP) pants. We know what each other is doing, and we communicate CONSTANTLY. Ian is tricky to get. He just says “Oh, okay” to everything, its as if he’s building up a wall to prevent me from having a social game, it’s highkey INFURIATING. I LOVE LILY, she’s an actual angel, and she’s a good player. I like Elmo alot, he’s definitely at a disadvantage due to his timezone. As far as everyone else, I’m getting closer to Asya as we’ve put our “beef” aside and we realized we’re friendly. Johnny and I have known each other for 3 years, he was the first person I knew in this community, he was the first person who hosted me and got me into this community, he’s going to always be like a brother to me.

________________________________________________________________

Cullan is removed from the game. Randy is voted out 4-1.

[yeetyeet2121yeet]

Hey, about the aesthetic asks. Can ya do all of them?

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?Probably yesterday, while I was stress-cleaning my room. fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?Will I be happy?Am I nonbinary or nah?Did my friends die in a shooting?Will I land my dream job?Does America fix itself?Does my mother calm the fuck down?Will my mother let people come over for sleepovers without thinking we're gonna smash?Oh I could go on and on loldaisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?I would say finally cutting some toxic assholes out of my life1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Last night was pretty damn goodSo was July 8-15matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?Yeah, I'd spend this year being 100% honest, with no filter. black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?Yeah I do. The top 3 things right now, would be to make it to graduation so I can yeet myself away from this shitty little town, glue googly eyes on everything bc then I can have a buncha friends with me at all times, and the third would be to meet my online friends irlpantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.They make me feel v safe, and able to be very open. They're tall as all fuck despite being like, 2 years younger than me. They dyed their hair black when they got back from camp. They give really good hugs. They cried during Up. Also they cuddle a lot, which I like. They let me paint their nails. I met them at camp. They identify as nonbinary. They recently came out. They're one of the best humans I've ever encountered. moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?lol no. I tried to kill myself when I was 9.stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?Like, July 13plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.I have a few. Roan, b/c they're Roan and we like that kind of stuffSean b/c I think he'd like thatSame with Jackconverse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Yeah, ofc. lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?Last night, I had 2. One was with Jack, and he's my v good friend. The other was with Roan, who like, I 'married' at camp, and are really close with. handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?UhM oh ShitJaxon/Matt. I would say 'Fuck you, check my notes on my phone, the password is 123456789'cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?They're pretty!sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.Literally the entirety of 'Just Like You' by Three Days Grace. The whole song speaks to me about my relationship with my mother. 'I could be mean • I could be angry • And I could be just like you' ~ speaks to me because she is all of those things, when it is said 'I could be ___''You thought you were standing beside me • You were only in my way' ~ is exactly how i feel about heroil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?Congratulations, You Made Itoveralls: what would you do with one billion dollars?I would help out every one of my friends. You need food? Here! You need a binder, but you cant afford it, or your parents won't buy one? Well, here! You need help with paying rent or whatever? Well, I have literally a billion dollars that I don't actually need, so here!!combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?Yes, I am very forgiving. It takes a lot to really make me not want anything to do with you. Even now, after I cut some asshole out of my life for being a rather stuck up, mean person, if he ever pulled his head out of his ass, and explained his feelings, or apologized, I would accept it. I do like being like this. pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?Punktattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.Whatever mate, you can do what you want. It is your body!piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?nah, ive always been too shy to actually put any on. bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.I'm gonna talk about the genre I listen to. The music I listen to has meaning, and has a message. I listen to political songs. I listen to music that makes me think. My music has made me a better person. messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.FOR FUCKS SAKE CALM DOWNWE ALL DIE ALONE WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING FIGHT AND HATE?!grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?My mother, saying she was sorry, and wanted to change space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?Yeah i do, its my bed. Its got specific sections. Sleeping, Books, Journaling, Noteswhite bed sheets: what is your night time routine?I cook my supper (bc my mother doesnt), and then I cover my window bc I'm scared of what's out there, and then I climb into bed, and message people, watch youtube, and scroll through social media until I fall asleepold books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?Literally anything about who I really am.beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?JET BLACK bc I think that would be cool!eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?Sean, Jack, Roan, Seth, and Lily. I would like to just go somewhere, anywhere, and just hang out. 11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.I wish I could be me. I hate how I have to be a whole different person.I wish I was with Roan. They're just.. calming, and makes me feel safeI wish my family wasn't so bad. I dont wanna feel like this. painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. I'm gonna go as one of the black eyed children next yearlightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?never been either thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?be something I'm notstorms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?Roan. They're an amazing person.love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.Yeah I have. Its when youre falling asleep, you're thinking of them. When youre so sad and crying so hard you cant breathe, imagining their arms around you helps. Its when youre doing something small and mundane and wanting to share it with them. its watching a movie and wanting to lean against them. Its when youre awake at 3am and so are they, and youre laying everything out on the table, placing your deepest fears and insecurities in their hands, and trusting them so deeply it hurts. its loaning them a blanket and getting it back and wrapping yourself in it to catch their scent. its knowing that as long as the other person is there, you can make it. its not having to ask permission to hold their hand or hug them or touch them because you know that its okayclouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?hell yeah i'd rock short hair coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?I don't have one, but I'd trust Roan, Evan, Alex, Grayson, Theo, Sean, Jack, Mitchell, Thomas with itmarble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?Friends who act more like family than your actual relatives do