#it’s just!!! the constantly having to pay more money!!! bc of something i never wanted or asked for

[aliosne]

Man just to continue my Boob Whining i checked the brav/issimo website bc they’ve been steadily expanding their L cup selection and I’m always hoping they’ll make the sports bra i like and i see!! They have a sale on their sports bras!! Fantastic!!! Up to 50% off!!! But not for either of the two bras that come in my size🙃🙃🙃

[hannieehaee]

svt with a high maintenance s/o

having a high maintenance s/o

content: established relationship, joke about being a sugar daddy, fluff, etc.

wc: 578

a/n: considering they're all rich im pretty sure they would all pay for your high maintenance lol!

masterlist

seungcheol -

you literally own his credit card. he would not care how much money you spent from it bc he has more than enough that there's no way you could even make a dent on it. nothing makes him happier than providing for you!!

jeonghan -

as expected of jeonghan, he babies you like crazy. buys you food, gas, clothes, skin care, you name it. never judges you for being high maintenance bc he kind of is too. he's actually amused by how high maintenance you are, but enjoyes being an spectator to it.

joshua -

he seems very high maintenance himself so you'd make the perfect couple lmao. he'd insist on paying for your stuff and would join you in any self-care days.

jun -

constantly curious about what new thing you've bought or how you did your nails or hair or what you were up to last weekend while he was away. super interested in your life and what occupies it. loves to be able to be the one to pay for your needs and interests.

soonyoung -

always in awe at you. he can tell you're high maintenance just by looking at you and he loves it! feels proud to give you everything you want, always fussing and blushing when the subject came up bc like of course he's gonna pay for everything you need! he's your boyfriend, so duh!

wonwoo -

he doesnt seem that high maintenance himself but you'd create the perfect contrast together. always amused at what new thing you got done that week, wanting to see your new nails or hear about the new restaurant you went to. nonchalantly pays all your bills bc that's just a boyfriend's duty to him.

jihoon -

he's likely the richest member of svt, so neither money nor high maintenance are a problem to him. loves knowing you're well taken care of and never wants you to feel like you have to ask him for something. you can just have anything you want.

seokmin -

he's the perfect boyfriend personified. gives you anything you want and more. actually loves that you're high maintenance bc it gives him more chances to give you things and take care of you more.

mingyu -

he's constantly sending you gifts or booking spa days or massages for you even without you asking. will also pay for your nails, hair, clothes, food, etc. you never even have to ask for anything, he'll have bought it in advance.

minghao -

chuckles at how many packages arrive at your shared home per week, but other than that, he has no comments. he just enjoys giving you things, so you'll never catch him complaining.

seungkwan -

he strikes me as high maintenance himself, so i think he'd be very down to be with someone who has a similar lifestyle. tends to you emotionally, physically and financially. shares self-care days with you and buys you anything you could possibly need.

vernon -

he's known to have a shit ton of boxes at his house, so he's not one to complain if you were to spend any money on your high maintenance. he's the epitome of 'yesssir!' and will literally say that to you any time you ask for something.

chan -

will joke about being your sugar daddy but actually really enjoys being able to pay for your high maintenance habits. it makes him feel dependable and mature to provide you with your needs and interests. feels proud of how you present yourself due to it.

[bitchfitch]

Ok, so there's this entire economy that's built on returned/overstock goods that were on shelves in America eventually ending up in Mexico right?

Random companies like Target or whatever pay X dollars to put some crap on their shelves until it's clear it's just not selling, so instead of eating the loss they sell it at basically 0 profit to some asshole with a truck and the ability to tolerate the god awful amount of paperwork moving goods across that border entail.

Ok and then that some asshole gets to the border and they go through everything they've got and decide what's worth Actually paying the import taxes on and what's basically just land filler. And they take their trash pile and they go to the trash store in whichever border town their in, and say "hey you want this crap?" and the trash store owner says "Nope! but I know some poor schmucks who'll buy it because they can't afford anything better." And they put the trash on the shelves.

These are all the returns, the opened boxes and damaged but Technically probably still functional, things it was just too expensive to try to import into Mexico bc they were worth less then it would cost in fees to get them on shelves there.

Ok, and as a child of one of these towns, you go in to these stores and you buy a basically new Video Game™ for like 2 dollars. And it's crap. Its not shovelware for a show you think you've never heard of or anything but it was still something made to put Product™ on Shelf™ and it'll be lost media in a few years because every single copy ended up in un marked cardboard boxes in towns like yours.

but it's what you had the money for and so it's what you think all games are like until you move somewhere with an actual game store and find out that wait no, theres games that don't crash constantly and have more depth than a dry river. You see the same crap games that were all over your town but no one buys them because they have better options. which is how they end up on the trash store shelves eventually.

And then a decade or some odd later you have to deal with people who've always had access to the good stuff and the word of mouth knowledge or TV commercials or magazines to tell them What was good before they bought it claiming the crap they bought and returned or never gave time in the first place just didn't exist and that shovelware is an artifact of modern game dev instead of something that was always there since the beginning.

[hyperfixationstati0n]

ABOUT SEJANUS!!

I used to love to imagine that if he was in a relationship with a Capitol girly he wouldn't have been so reckless cuz he'd have something to lose right?

But now imagine the ANGSTTT

Sejanus having to chose between expressing himself freely and defying the Capitol like he used to because daddy's money can only get you so far and he's terrified that capitol!reader will pay the price of his actions, him constantly battling in his head between what he knows is right and what will keep her safe?

And then sej slowly starting to resent her bc he feel like the more he abandons what he truly believes in for the sake of making sure nothing happens to her, the more the Capitol has a grip on him and basically won?

But he can't just break up with her and stop caring about her bc no one's more in love than that guys is and she's most of the time the reason why he hasn't gotten insane in the Capitol (yet)

There's just this constant battle in his head and!!

Coryo is the little devil on his shoulder, trying to convince him the reader makes him weak, he'll never be able to change things if she holds him back, the whole love is a weakness stuff blablabla

While reader tries her best to be supportive but can't help being upset/a little mad when he act so impulsive and rebellious bc SHE LOVES HIM AND IS SCARED TO LOSE HIM

So having the two closest people in his life "messing" with his head like that is just making sejanus go straight up INSANE

oh this? this if fucking evil but also so genius?? i also def want to write something for this (but maybe a little longer than what i’ve been writing so idk when that’ll happen)

but i so agree. like Coryo is their biggest hater (just because he’s a narcissist and salty) and Sej has to battle with either losing the love of his life or his only friend.

And the resentment is definitely there for him, but for both of them. Because I think Coryo would end up getting into his head more and he would resent reader more and more so he kind of listens to him, which leads him to kind of act out more and gets im in trouble like how he did and left to be a peacekeeper in canon??)

But obviously the love for reader doesn’t just disappear so he misses her like hell, regretting his actions and just wishing he could go back and make it right. And he tries to write letters to her but maybe she doesn’t respond, or she writes and he doesn’t respond out of guilt?? And it drives him crazy not to have her.

So now he’s just kinda alone because he realizes he can’t have both Coryo and reader at the same time, but he doesn’t know where he wants his loyalties to lie anymore. He either sacrifices his self expression and his best friend so he can keep reader and her safety, or he sacrifices the person he loves to maintain a friendship he’s starting to see flaws in even if it grants him more freedom. Both situations he’ll end up miserable in.

i dont know if im just babbling or if this was even coherent but im obsessed with this !!

[nanawritesit]

Yuqi Girlfriend Headcanons!

Regardless of your gender identity, she’ll most likely play the “boyfriend” role in the relationship

She isn’t super romantic or affectionate all the time, but she definitely makes you feel loved by taking care of you

She’s a big acts of service lover, she likes to help with chores, help you go shopping, cook you dinner, etc.

She’ll also occasionally surprise you with a small gifts whether it by flowers, a stuffed animal, or chocolate!

This girl is super strong, so you never have to worry about opening a tight jar 😤

She also kills bugs for you 💀

Yuqi insists on paying for everything while you’re out, claiming that she makes more than enough money to pay for the two of you

Pretty much the only time you get to really spoil her back is her birthday

You cook all her favorite foods for her, including jokbal, hotpot, pickled radish and sweet zongzi 🥰

You also make sweet zongzi whenever she’s feeling homesick

Her favorite gift you’ve ever given her was a huge stuffed corgi that took up the entire corner of her bedroom 💞

Although, she almost cried when you surprised her with a trip to Beijing to see her family 🥹

They were so grateful that they offered you Yuqi’s hand in marriage 💀 (It was a joke but you were ready to put a ring on it 👀)

She was a bit intimidated to talk to you at first because she found you so beautiful (like she did with Miyeon LOL) but due to her outgoing nature, she was able to get over it and approach you

Thank god she did, because now she couldn’t imagine living without you <3

She likes to be called “cutie” :)

She struggled to find a nickname that fit you for a while, but eventually she decided on “cookie” 🥰

You’ll help her reach things on high shelves because her arms are so short 😭

She’s not very good and realizing when she’s working too hard, so you’ll have to be the one to reign her in

She randomly dances around the house ALL the time

You also catch her rapping various lyrics to herself

She really needs something to fill the silence okay 😤

Yuqi really doesn’t like being alone so even if you guys aren’t around each other, she’ll call you to at least hear your voice and check in on you

She’s told you several times that you can literally call her 24/7 and she’ll always pick up for you ❤️

She’s super goofy, so you’ll never be bored with her around. It also makes her really good at cheering you up when you’re sad :)

Her making you listen to Super Junior all the time (I hate them bc they’re so problematic but who am I to disagree with Queen Yuqi)

Her joking that Ryeowook is her “REAL boyfriend” 💀 You’ll literally have to square up with his poster 👊🏻

You guys love teasing each other and getting on each others’ nerves

You go back and forth annoying each other, but it’s all in good fun (she’s really hot when she’s angry too)

She can get you to anything by asking you in her deep, husky voice (She knows it’s your weakness)

Although, you know her weakness as well… if you call her “noona” or “unni,” she’ll be putty in your hand 👀 She usually hates formalities like that but when it’s from you, it gets her going so fast

She’s super outgoing, so she’ll constantly push you to try new things and move out of your comfort zone

There’s no secret you could ever tell her that she wouldn’t keep. She’s super trustworthy and will take it to the grave

While she’s super patient, she can be a little possessive. Especially if she feels threatened by the person who seems to be interested in you

She never gets mad at you, just at the other person

Her expression alone is enough to scare them off though 😳 She can be super scary when she wants to be!

But you don’t notice anything, and just smile at her innocently 😊

Her stealing your clothes on a regular basis

She’s not super into PDA but she does enjoy holding your hand while you walk places together

Speaking of which, one of her favorite activities to do with you is taking walks together. It eventually becomes a daily habit whenever you guys have time!

Behind closed doors however, she’s the biggest cuddle bug :) She’ll cage you in her arms and not let go of you for HOURS while you watch dramas together

Yuqi is 100% a big spoon!

If you rub her neck, shoulders, and back for her after a long day, she might get down on one knee right then and there 💀

In the end, you’re super lucky to have Yuqi as a girlfriend. She always takes such good care of you, never leaves you feeling lonely, and constantly keeps you entertained. She’s so in love with you and wouldn’t have it any other way 🥰

[malfoyfarms]

Comfort

JJ Maybank x Pogue!Fem Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Smut

A/N: Okay this may be self indulgent bc I just had my heart broken by a boy. Also i’ve never written smut before, rip. Not proofread bc i’m working

It was a warm summer evening in the Outer Banks, and Y/n walked back to the Chateau quietly. In the summer she never walked slowly, let alone quietly. She tried to pack her summers with as much adventure as she could, no matter how sleep deprived she was. Her grandfather always said that she could sleep in the winter. 

The hole in her chest was growing, she felt heavy. Her mouth was dry, nose was running, and she kept looking up at the sky trying to make the tears go away. Stopping for a moment against a tree, she took a deep breath, “You were just fine without him, you are just fine without him.” 

Her friends always used to tease her that she was too much of a “lover girl,” falling a little bit in love with anyone, everyone she met. She just felt so stupid. Kiara had warned her about the boy that had mysteriously shown up one day and gave her the world. Sure it could have been the start of something wonderful, he was the original one to show interest, so that had to have meant something. 

By the time she had actually made it to the Chateau, she had swallowed her sadness. She put that award winning smile on, and was ready to be her normal self. Walking in, the girl threw her bag into her normal spot, and made her way toward the jetty. She passed out greetings and hugs and jokes as if she wasn’t just trying to get herself to breathe a few moments ago. 

The pogues could tell something was off. They could tell she had been upset by the way her eyes were glossed over. But Y/n was closed off, no amount of prying would get her to reveal what was going on inside. That’s just how she worked. John B tried to cheer her up by throwing her in the water, Sarah just offered her a small smile and a compliment on her swimsuit. One she was now going to donate because he had told her just how gorgeous she had looked in it. 

JJ offered her a Twisted Tea blueberry, her favorite, but she only took a few sips over the entire afternoon on the boat. She knew if she became intoxicated, there was no stopping the feelings, no covering up. 

“Lover girl, you headed out tonight?” John B asked as they started collecting money to buy pizza for dinner. 

“Uh, n-no actually. Here’s $10 for dinner,” she quietly pulled a ten out of her bag, and the others watched her silently. Y/n was always peeling out around this time, ready to experience some romantic rendez-vous with her beau. 

“I’m not letting you pay $10 when you’re gonna eat maybe a piece of pizza,” John B argued back.

“JB just take my money!” all eyes were on her, “It’s less y’all have to pay anyway.” 

To avoid any confrontation, she walked up to the house to get her sweatshirt. The air hadn’t changed, still as hot and sticky as before, but the girl knew without the protection from the hood of her sweatshirt everything would be too real. 

God, while the sweatshirt provided a small amount of comfort, it brought back more painful memories than it needed to. She could smell her perfume, one that he thought was just to die for, the chewed up aglet that he would constantly take out of her mouth and say “relax.” There were still no notifications on her lock screen. She kicked her backpack with all of her might. 

“Mama,” she slowly turned around. “Why are we kicking the living fuck out of our backpack.”

The smug look on her best friend’s face made her lip shake and tears come sprinting to the front of her eyes. JJ’s expression quickly changed when she started to come towards him with open arms. 

“I knew there was a reason you didn’t chug your Twea.” 

The girl quietly shook in his arms as he guided her to his room. “You’re allowed to cry, you know, I won’t tell anyone.” 

“No.” Her voice wavered. “I-I just want a distraction. Can you give me that?” From the way she was laying next to JJ, to the doe eyes, she was achieving exactly what she wanted. JJ pushed the hair out of her eyes, lingering his fingers just long enough on her jaw to indicate he was going to falter. And falter quickly. 

Y/n closed the distance between their faces. Her lips locked intently around his, becoming the dominant mouth. JJ pulled her back just long enough to wipe the tears from her eyes before kissing her back hungerly. 

Her hands wandered under his shirt and up his back, feeling every knot in his muscles, but settling on one right below his shoulder blade. Their lips stayed latched together as she began to massage the knot. JJ’s hands similarly mimicked her motions but he settled on her hips. His first two fingers found themselves tangled in the side strings of her bikini bottom, while his thumb and last two fingers found themselves squeezing her love handles. 

Small, breathy, almost inaudible moans escaped from her mouth as JJ guided her hips against his torso. His other hand buried itself in the nape of her neck, pulling her hair to force her chin up as he nipped and kissed at her neck. Her perfume made him absolutely and unequivocally feral. He hummed against her collar bone, feeling her body snap towards him. She was dying for friction. For contact. Anything to smother the weight in her chest. 

Never had he imagined when he volunteered to go talk to the pogue, he’d be up close and personal with her. 

His fingers untangled from the strings, and pulled leg up by the thigh. He gently ghosted his fingers over her most personal spot, feeling wetness and the small whimper against his neck. 

Y/n’s dainty hand guided his hand to touch her where she needed attention the most. He followed her advances and pushed the fabric to the sides. One quick swipe of his fingers to gauge her readiness and then he pushed two fingers in. She was rolling her hips and clenching around JJ’s fingers almost rhythmically, like he wasn’t going to give her what she wanted. He pressed on her clit, adding pressure to her.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong,” he questioned, pressing down heavily as he ended his question. A hiss slipped through her lips. “If you make me cum, I won’t have any.” 

Her hand stalked down JJ’s swim trunks, trying to determine how big he was. His penis became still and hard as her fingers circled the shaft. He bucked into her palm, looking for his own friction. After a few particularly hard presses on her clit, she began to let up on her hand job. Too immersed in chasing her own high.

JJ couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on, this quickly. He’d only been on solo missions recently, eyes always eyeing one specific prize. 

Finally finding the courage, JJ flipped her underneath him. While placing sloppy kisses on her collar bones, he ground his hips into her. Both letting out soft gasps from the pleasure of pseudo-sex. 

“JJ, please.” she mumbled. “Put him in. I need it.” She took it upon herself to untie the bikini bottoms, trying to quickly find the friction again. JJ nearly came at the girl’s begging. 

He then found himself ripping his trunks off at lightning speed. Y/n took his cock and lined it up with her entrance, teasing JJ with her slit. He waited for her nod, and then slid himself in. He let out a small breath at the feeling of her warm insides around him.

“J, move,” she begged. He began long, slow thrusts into the girl, trying to make every second count, trying to keep from finishing in her like it was his first time. JJ could immediately tell she needed more stimulation. He pulled out, and waited for her to open her eyes. 

“Turn around mama, lay on your stomach.” Doing as she was told, she opened her legs impatiently waiting for his re-entry. 

JJ did as he promised, sliding in with a faster pace. He slowly pulled her ass towards him, up in the air. He could feel her clenching. She was so close. JJ had her body mirroring his, her back flatly against his chest. His one hand played with her front as his other held her by the neck to his. 

“I’m s-so,” she squeaked. “So, close.” As she finished her sentence, her thighs shook, her walls clenched around his dick, and nails dug into his forearms. 

This lethal combination sent JJ spiraling, releasing his load into her before he could even think of pulling out. Her body went limp as JJ rode out the rest of his orgasm. 

As their bodies separated, he then spun her around to hold her close. Even with his cum dripping out of her, he wanted to make sure she was okay. 

“Are you okay?” He looked down at her, trying to avoid looking at the trail of each other down her legs. 

“No,” he panicked. Had he crossed a boundary? Broken something good in a weak moment? “You just started an addiction.” 

Relief flooded his body. “Good, because I’m not letting go anytime soon.”

[aphinthestars]

Ok imma vent on main just gonna tw this with like parental problems and shit in case someone doesn't want to read that

I've been having a couple of shit weeks regarding my father, he has always been like he is and I know it but it keeps hurting me deeply it's not like I can leave, he pays for my tuition and living arrangements since I'm studying elsewhere that's not my home it's just been difficult.

I get that he is human, he has problems, taking care of me is a huge loss of money and I know it but I sometimes wished he would at least appreciate my efforts.

I have not ever been good at math, never have been, never will but I have to take at least one math class for my degree, I'm barely passing but I have put my blood, sweat and tears into it, making sure I at least maintain the passing grade because I know how expensive tuition is, I know that failing is not an option for me, no matter what happens I'm always in class, even if I'm feeling like shit (there was a point a couple weeks ago where I was insanely sick to the point I fell asleep mid class bc I couldn't keep myself awake from how horrible I felt) but I went, I waited on the bus stop, took the bus, got to class a little late but I was there.

And I know if I told him this he would say "It's your responsibility"

And it is I get it, but it sometimes feels like too much like I'm drowning and I wish I could skip, but I don't, no matter how burnt out I am I don't.

But sometimes I see other dads with their daughters and I think.

Dad why can't you love me like they do their daughters?

But why

I know he has given me an easy life, a comfortable life to a point that asking for more feels selfish.

A life he wishes he could've had.

Why doesn't he try to learn more about me

Why is everything I do wrong

Why is everything I do not enough

Dad why must I hide everything I am from you? Why must I hide who I truly am for fear of getting judged and scrutinized?

Was it right now in college when I am fighting constantly with you about my opinions, and my career and tuition?

Dad why must you break my heart more then any boy I have ever dated?

I always thought I was supposed to cry to you about boys who broke my heart, but it turns out I have been crying with those boys about you breaking it

Dad when did I stopped being your little girl?

Was it the summer before college when we had that big fight and I told you I had always thought you hated me and you cried? And I thought that afternoon how could I break your heart by asking that? That I thought I had finally gotten through to you?

Was it in high-school when you put your hand up as a threat and I yelled for you to hit me?

Was it in middle school when I took mom's phone out of her hand because I was afraid of her calling you? When the only good father figures I had were my English and music teachers who actually cared what happened to me and understood I wasn't a difficult kid, I had just been dealt a shitty card in the parent's department?

Was it on elementary school when the school psychologists told you I needed therapy and you said that I wasn't crazy and I didn't need that?

Or was it in kindergarten when I first got shouted by you because I got a red in my little report card for being a troublemaker?

Or have I never felt like your daughter? Have the stories mom has told me of when I was a baby and your adoration for me not true?

Dad why must I feel like this

Dad why must I feel like just an asset to you, something you got that in the future could help you have a better life

Dad was I ever your little girl?

Dad was I ever enough?

Dad, please love me

Please love me like other dads love their daughters

Please dad please

I beg you

I want to be enough

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I blocked/ghosted this guy I can't quit?

so I've(nb25) known this guy(m29) about 8 months, but we haven't seen each other that many times. maybe 10 total. It's just a friends with benefits situation but he's very generous, he's splurged on hotels in the city for us we didn't really need, expensive meals, he's also just given me pocket money straight up before. He will kind of do whatever I want, all I have to do is mention it and he will make it happen. i mention I wanna see the ocean at 9pm and he's driving us around to find a beach that's open. i mention a food im craving and he's already ordering it, etc. he's not rich either, he lives with his parents(I think it's more for cultural reasons than financial) but his job pays pretty well I guess. he talks about the money and I think he's trying to impress me but I know so little about money and still rely on my parents I don't even really have the context. he's constantly trying to impress me with stuff like that or how much he can bench press and i find it super off-putting and don't respond to it. He's been nothing but nice to me I think, but I think he's got issues and he can't really open up emotionally. I am very suspicious of how "nice" he is and I find his positivity to be really invalidating sometimes.

Recently I got mad at him for an insensitive comment, and while I was chewing him out he just smiled at me and kept saying "I like you". It really irked me and I felt like he wasn't taking me seriously, even after asking him why he was reacting that way he just elaborated saying he liked me because I stick up for myself ? I was upset so I kicked him out of my place, it was the middle of the night. He left with a smile on his face still. it creeped me out and I almost felt like he was gonna come back and kill me while I was home alone.

I know that I'm not into him. not just that but I actively think he's annoying, and his toxic positivity thing really gets on my nerves. Ive explained that to him and he still wants to hang out. every time were together, our dynamic gets worse. im not mean to him, but I don't hold back when I think he's making something up to sound cool/nice or being fake. he says he likes my honesty and often puts me on a pedestal for it, and im constantly having to take myself off the pedestal bc im just a human being, capable of lying and inauthenticity.

He knows I don't want a relationship and I don't think that's what he wants either? hes never asked. i know he's dating and looking for someone though. I don't even really know what he meant when he said he liked me.

Every time I see him, I end up feeling like I don't wanna see him again. I find him really annoying and end up feeling really alone with him. ive tried to break it off before which he respected but would still DM me on insta occasionally, and it's bad but eventually I just went back to him bc I liked the way he was nice to me and spent money on me. it's really pathetic but it makes me feel worthwhile? but I want to stop seeing him. and im thinking, he doesn't have my phone number and I could just block him on Instagram then Id be done with it. I think we're bad for each other and that I probably frustrate him more than he shows, I think he tried to make me jealous recently by talking about some "beautiful blonde girl" he slept with, who didn't have a "good heart" like me or something. it felt weird and negg-y. overall just really weird, bad vibes. Would I be the asshole if I just blocked him ? i have a feeling that the only other way this will stop for us is with something worse than that.

What are these acronyms?

[sheepstitches]

strangled red interpretation , might contain death or gore and obviously talks of possible suicide or strangulation

Also warning long ... Long post so I'll make a cut at a certain part.

Okay so,

Steven and Mike, both got abandoned by their parents a little bit pre-miki era. They were already having a hard time. The parents either were both just not good influences and just straight up decided to leave or they lost custody of Steven and Mike became the new guardian for him.

Mike and Steven only have each other and their pokemon that they grew up with. Both have teams, but they both obviously are more connected with their Blastoise and Charizard. They temporarily stopped when Mike started to realize 'oh shit I have to get a job and actually raise my brother'. So during that time Mike wasn't training. Steven was tho.

Steven would mainly focus on training, Mike would help out and do some too but Mike was mainly working at one of the Pokemarts to help with bills and get food on the table.

Steven and Mike realized later on they haven't really had time to connect, so they eventually went back to Pokemon training and gathered badges.

Sooner or later Mike actually gets to the end with Steven, they fight, yada yada, and Steven wins YAYYYY he's the champion of Kanto YAYYYY.

Then Mike's like "you know it would be super cool if I could try to train with Miki bc y'know she's super strong. Maybe you can teach Dew a few things too whaddya say"

Steven says no, then Mike says "cmon pls" then they trade and yeah Miki's dead.

Obviously as everyone else probably sees it, Miki died from a short circuit when the bros traded with their Gameboys??? Or Pokedex idk. Some sort of a device where you got a linking cable y'know? And it electrocuted Miki (IDK how the damage was done to her neck, maybe something during the process focused on that and snapped it. Steven never got to see her body until later when he uses missing no but more on that later)

My brain is super fuzzy with this, so I'm sorry if this isn't accurate with the og creepypasta but,

Steven is just, at THIS point now, where he starts to be a selective mute. Shadows over the eyes, just straight up numb to everything. He is angry, yeah, he probably lashed out at Mike after it happened but the majority of his personality is shattered. Just an empty husk, doing what he can do besides being outside and trying to compete with other people because what's the point? His favorite pokemon died.

His other pokemon, he takes care of them well, feeding them and playing with them, but rarely does Steven ever feel anything anymore.

I don't see him being full of rage or anything like that until he actually goes outside after talking to Mike

"You should try to explore. I mean, walking outside for fresh air. Might help you." - mike

And Steven does. He does and it gives him time to think.

But Steven starts to realize none of the other pokemon approaches him. Just running away, immediately.

Give him time to really think, like "there isn't anyone who cares about me more than Miki" kinda??? Like yes Mike was there but not all the time.

Mike needed to go out and work, pay bills and only came by to help out occasionally but Miki was ALWAYS there for Steven when he needed comfort or someone to just listen to him ramble.

And yeah, basically he's like "I'm not going back home, not like Mike would want me to anyway"

Aaannnddd the further down he went, the more he thinks, and I think this starts a lil era where Steven kinda just lets himself stay outside for a couple months and goes missing so he can "think" more

Okay so... Now I say maybe it's been a month or two?? Stevens just uses leftover money, going around and finding places to sleep. He just doesn't feel right about coming back home yet but he did realize something

If he didn't trade at all, and if Mike didn't constantly ask about it then maybe this never should have happened. The more he thinks about this, the more he wishes he's never talked to Mike. This is where his anger boils up more. He's constantly in an echo chamber, by himself and wandering around.

Eventually this builds up to where Steven is like "oh shit I remember this one thing that I saw a while back maybe I should visit it"

Aaaaand missingno. Uhhhh yeah :3

Thanks to a friend I have a better understanding of it so basically, I can see it where Steven flies over to that area with one of the members of his pokemon team, sees missing no, and before missing no could really like, offer a deal, Stevens just like "whatever you say I'll do it as long as you can help me bring back " like DA devil y'know.

Missing no's like ":o oh wait really fr oh shit Kay. Well it's gonna cost you maybe... Gonna hurt yourself are you sure"

And Steven is obviously like "ummm gimme mine mine mine" bc he doesn't care about his body, he's stinky and covered in dirt

and his own blood btw bc I can see him having a negative Stim where he scratches his wrists and neck with his nails

Missing no is like lol okay fine and goes into the inventory...

And when I first heard this story I thought I was missing something... Combined itself with Steven??? HajdkIskx?? So my interp is weird sorry so

Missing no combined with Steven, Steven is in pain, twitching and gets all bigger and stronger. And he uses his combined power to revive Miki from her grave. And yay! She's back... But not... It's just a husk that's moving around.

She doesn't remember Steven but she's friendly with him bc oh wow a human. But Steven doesn't care, he's just happy his corpse of a Pokemon is alive :)

Oh forgot to say but the missing no combined with Steven makes him even more feral and wants to kill and destroy everything in his path so that explains why he suddenly is like imma kill Mike

Umm Mike death imma warn you,

...

Steven comes home. He's a mess. Covered in cuts and bruises, and soaked in water.

Because REMEMBER. He had to SWIM. FROM CINNABAR ISLAND. BACK TO PALLET TOWN LMFAO.

Miki kinda was rough with him at first when he revived her so he has some fresh cuts from her. She's friendly now, but that's because Steven tamed her somehow I think???

He walks in, it's dead at night, midnight. Mike's sleeping in his bed soundly. He's actually tired, and has been setting up missing posters of his brother for the last two weeks. Was worried sick, never caught a wink so he's dead asleep until the door opens.

There's Steven. The room is so dark, Mike can only see the outlines of his brother's hat, hair, and a glint of Stevens eye.

Mike's sitting up right away, ecstatic that his brother is finally home and he's at the brink of tears. Just, he doesn't care and he isn't mad, he's just happy the only family he has left is home.

But Steven isn't moving from the doorway. Why isn't he moving? He's just staring at him.

Mike's asking what's wrong, are you hurt, did you see something.

Steven just lunges forward, faster than lightning and tackles Mile down. Mike obviously is fighting back, asking what happened and why he's doing this. And finally he feels two large, sticky hands whip to his neck.

They're tightening, grilling with such force that it just feels like a machine is doing the job. What makes it worse is that now Mike can see the cuts and blood on Stevens face. He can see a little bit of the expression. It wasn't smiling. But the eyes were dead and pin pricked.

Thumbs trap the windpipe, making it harder. Oh and bonus, a knee is digging into Mike's stomach to make it harder to breathe.

As this is going on Mike is still thrashing, nails digging into Stevens already sliced up arms and reopening wounds. And eventually, Mike reached up to swipe at Stevens face.

That immediately encouraged Steven to just jerk his hands, and snap the neck.

Mike grows limp, and Steven stays there for about a minute to process everything.

Then he leans back and stares.

Yeah. Finally it happened. He did what he wanted to do. Steven doesn't cry right away. He just slips off the bed, grabs Mike's arms, and drags the body to the backyard.

He's heading to the very same woods he disappeared off to, in the bitter cold.

There's blood that trails somehow, but it's not a lot. It's all from Steven. And finally when he finds a good place, he starts digging with his bare hands, a new grave for Mike.

...

Yay

Idk what else to say besides ummm I think Steven just ,,, goes back home, sits on the bed and stares at the wall for hours. He doesn't comprehend everything as real until he lays down on the very same area where Mike passed away.

And I think what breaks him is noticing Mike's pokeball on the nightstand, which has dew in it.

I also think he cries bc of the pokeball bc that's when he realized how much Mike did for him and this whole time Mike was thinking about Steven

Oh even worse I think is when he walks to the woods he sees the missing posters and starts to be like ".... Ohhh”

That's it, yeah. Lmk what you think, thanks for hearing me ramble.

[blackmageeljin]

You know, I've had it happen a lot where I am comically so many different minorities that if I ever try to go to a minority specific group for one they are uncomfortable with the other. Like.

I am too disabled for the trans support group to be comfortable with me.

I am too pagan for disability groups to be comfortable (bc we all turn to our religions but they get weird about mine)

I'm always too a b c for x y z. But today had to be the worst one

Which was being too poor to fit in socially with the other pagans I found.

Literally, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. The level of poverty i live in is astounding. We just went a month without running water in the house. No working plumbing. No flush toilets. We went to a nearby campground to use public showers. Our house doesn't have heat outside of a few rooms. (This by the way, isn't what broke the plumbing, the pump house itself broke from global warming dropping the temp to record lows in a mild weather area). We are on SNAP. We live in a house full of holes with broken windows and countless problems bc it was the only thing we've could possibly afford.

I'm sure a lot of people think the animals we keep are a luxury but it's really not. Especially our chickens now- the feed for them is much cheaper than the eggs they produce, and in spring and summer they can forage for even less. It's not luxury pet chickens (tho I love them dearly) it's being so poor we have to put the work in to raise our own chickens to save what we can and ensure we have something to eat because we can't afford the luxury of the convenience of a grocery store.

There have been times we wouldn't have had food if we didn't have extra eggs from our chickens.

We literally did not have water to drink or cook with.

We spent days huddled in one corner of one room with half the animals for warmth.

We still have to worry about whether or not we'll have enough money to pay bills. Bills for things like medications and doctor visits that can save life.

Literally I risked suffocating because we couldn't go to the ER. I waited for my wife to get home to drive me to the doctor who happened to have a soon opening with my throat swollen shut from an allergic reaction.

People don't get what it's like to really struggle when the idea of something like a house without plumbing to them is 'something that hasn't happened Ina century's, even though there are people living IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY who just, don't have those luxuries even if they have a physical house or shelter that make them not 'homeless' from a legal standpoint.

Half the time my wife just tries to make due eating what they give her at her teaching job so she can save money for the restrictions I have to my diet for medical reasons. And then I feel guilty and terrible.

People don't get how different it is when you agonize over guilt about wanting to buy a single thing that sparks joy to stave off the depression at THE DOLLAR TREE because you're not sure if that'll be the dollar that makes the difference. Struggling to 'pull myself up by my bootstrap's and make money selling things but having to buy materials and constantly agonizing over the smallest profit margins because I need to be able to afford to fucking eat and buy medicine.

So when everyone else in a group is just, so utterly clueless, and even when you talk about not having water, or your broken windows, they all sit around and talk about how affordable the 20 dollar bead necklaces they sell are or how they 'don't really make much' while having their floors completely replaced in their house. How they would never stoop to buying such a 'terrible, run down cursed house' that is a)more expensive than the one you live in and b) A REALLY NICE SUBURBAN RANCHER WITH LIKE, SOME SLIGHTLY WEIRD ARCHITECTURE AND A MINOR BASEMENT FLOODING ISSUE???

And even after sitting there trying to express I was uncomfortable, or how some people don't have an option, I get pretentious answers about 'being too sensitive to energy to live in a house like that's which is really just salt in the wound because I have been literally *trapped in horrible domestic situations I could not escape* but sure fam, sit there and tell me 'its just a joke bro' while you continue to shame anyone for wanting to live in a mildly disgruntled house during a major housing crisis. There are ways to say 'i would never want to live there because I knew the people who died in it and didn't like them' without making broad sweeping strokes about 'why would anyone ever want to live in such a dump?' no one fucking does Susan, but some people have to, so shut the fuck up and stop rubbing affordable housing in the face of your friend who makes probably not even a 16th of your monthly income.

And that's somehow harder than being not able to eat sometimes. It's feeling like if you're ever honest people think you are begging. It's about people laughing at something where you are the butt of the joke or just don't even exist and feeling so god damn alone and isolated and helpless. It's knowing every friend you might make might eventually decide the class gap is just too uncomfortable and leave or worse- rub it in your face and salt in the wounds.

I'm tired

And I really appreciate having sinks and flush toilets.

[summerpogue]

ok so I have about half the final episode left and I had to stop bc my AirPods died and also it was 5am and after an emotionally taxing day (election related) a bitch needed some rest

however…………. holy fuck ????????????? (obx4 pt 2 spoilers below - seriously, like…. the whole season spoiled below, do not read if you haven’t watched)

jj crashing out and inciting a pogue uprising was beautiful. I know some people will say what they will about jj always being reckless but enough was enough. the pogues collectively bit back and I loved to see it. (also, I cried a little bc it was cathartic as shit to watch given recent events, we love to see the lower class, constantly getting fucked over and over and over again by kook ass bullshit finally saying fuck you, I’ll give you something to whine about).

and I will say, it was tough to watch jj withdraw and drink about his feelings but all his feelings were valid. lashing out at john b and saying what he did wasn’t cool, however both of his father figures are grade-a pieces of shit and he literally had almost just gotten murdered by one of them so he gets a pass. like nick miller’s ‘dead dad pass’, jj gets a ‘two deadbeat, abusive, backstabbing, money-hungry dads’ pass as far as I’m concerned.

I knew sarah’s pregnancy arc was coming, they weren’t subtle at all in part one and as soon as she started acting weird I was like ‘wow okay we’re really doing this????’ I don’t think it’s necessary. she is nineteen years old, their lives are never ending chaos, whether or not it’s been properly explored her and john b are deeply traumatized and have parental shit they need to work out, she is nineteen years old. several times I said ‘and we’re not gonna have a conversation about options??? we’re just full sending it??????’ not saying that she has to do anything particular, but with how firm she was not even that many episodes ago when john b brought up kids this feels like a disservice to her character (and in light of recent events, I feel extra angry about a storyline boxing a woman into becoming a mother when they’ve clearly expressed they’re not ready, and when they haven’t even started to achieve the things they want out of life).

chandler groff can get fucked. (I left off on jj considering letting him out of the well and I know he’s gonna do it but I really wish he’d let him rot). I think he’s worse than ward ever was, because for as greedy, self-serving and maniacal as ward was, he would never have stolen the map and looking device and thrown her injured into the ocean to die. I really really don’t think he would. he loved his kids even if he did it wrong, chandler doesn’t love anyone but himself.

jj deserves so much better, he deserves so much more. he got not one but two fathers who would hang him out to dry to make a quick buck. that shit luke pulled at the town hall had me about to reach jj levels of crash out. I hope this second will that was mentioned says that jj gets goat island. let them turn goat island into poguelandia, or let jj sell it and tap into the wealth that is his birthright (even tho he’ll do something dumb with it). I also hope he’s able to learn more about his mother, I think it would help anchor him to truly know who she was, and to know that he came from someone good because right now he thinks he only comes from bad and that breaks my heart.

I’ve liked seeing rafe soft and trying (why did I feel bad for him when they tied him up lmao I really felt like he was being genuine about coexisting until they got to morocco) and I yelled at him when he dumped sofia like girl???? you killed the sheriff??? you tried to kill your sister??? she took a little money from someone who was paying you, they are not the same and your karmic debt is so massive you shouldn’t even have a girl like sofia so like, shut up and be grateful. let it go.

I’m scared for pope, he’s in seeeeerious shit. it was a badass move but also so, so reckless and I hope they bring groff back and shoupe does something to make it go away. shoupe pulled through on the beach and he needs to keep pulling through

those are all my thoughts — if you reply or chime in pleeeeeeeeeeeeease remember, I am not finished, do not talk to me about anything beyond jj seeing groff in the well, I don’t even know if he’s out of the well or not

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[watsername]

all fuckinf right i guess let’s get into it

do i care ?? not fucking really .

im gonna preface this by saying this is really not the huge deal that i think people are making it out to be across here and esp on twt. treating this as some kind of event deserving of a deplatform i got it cancellation or worthy of vast amount of neg to people who are still choosing to support sapnap on kick or to sapnap himself is just fucking childish . rey was talking earlier about dt fanvases being prone to give mentality and it’s so fucking true people see one person spreading hate and take it as permission to do the same instead of employing critical thinking and going hey . is it really that serious . does the subject of discussion really deserve it or was i just waiting in my chance to hate him . because the energy it’s giving is very much ‘i never liked him and just pretended to tolerate him but now he fucked up i can drag him’ which is actively something we discourage in dtblr when it comes to dream so to do so to sapnap is kinda hypocritical . even if u don’t like him just . don’t be hateful ??? esp when it’s over a streaming contract don’t treat it like he’s actively spreading bigotry when we know he’s not.

ok ? . let’s get into kick then . why would sapnap be attracted to this platform?? let’s look at what he says in his statement . and this is in no way shape or form going to be the most nuanced or in depth take on what’s going on it’s just a short discussion on the situation

number one he wants something to force him to be more active online bc it seems like his career as a creator has taken a backseat to other ventures he’s been taking recently . the dteam have been travelling near constantly lately between events in spain, france visiting the u.k. going to cons across america meeting up with people sapnap working with nrg he’s been busy . this isn’t sus .

twitch is notoriously fuckinf over creators . it’s still an incredibly hostile place for a lot of people . and sapanps right the megacorp that owns it is dominating the market for streaming with no real competition (other than youtube streaming) meaning that strwaming creators are effectively forced into handing over 50% of their stream profits to a man who is already the worlds richest man fucking iver his employees - who everyone is always saying to stop feeding money into . the 95/5 split for profits on kick is a lot more attractive to streamers for this reason . they’re keeping the money the earned during the streams and not supporting a man who takes in money and refuses to pay his workers - which people are often criticised for as well .

this is something we as the community can’t really comment on - we have no idea what happened in that conversation . we don’t know what plans kick has we don’t know what direction the platform is going to head in . but we do know that it was positive enough for sapnap to change his mind and feel more secure in his placement in the kick contract . that he felt heard in his concerns and feels like those concerns will be heard and he can help i still chnage in the platform to make it a more usable and friendly platform.

this is the last sector i’m taking from sapnap’s post . this is understandable . the dream team are credited with changing the atmosphere and streaming experience on twitch in extremely positive ways . it’s understandable that sapnap believes the same might be possible for another platform with its reputation in the DIRT . and he acknowledges how bad the representation of creators is currently and as a large creator it might well be possible that he can influence change across the platform .

secondly from this . he’s right . if his plan to intervene in the atmosphere on kick goes well it may will incite change on twitch - where he is still streaming - as they may fear that creators will be more incentivised to take contracts with kick instead of twitch. we’ve already talked about how twitch has huge problems in its creator usability and a genuinely successful rival with creator forward procedure and policy may help to create a better environment for creators on twitch - things like misogyny and racism in chats that has gone uncared about may face crackdowns as well as a better deal on monetary splits between the company and individual streamers .

so why is everyone mad . well .

it’s still a shithole of a company . it’s currently platforming horrid people who have been banned from other streaming services for racism. sexism etc because of its leniency with rules - the creator stating that it’s only rules are ‘no pornography, no hate speech’.

in so . its a breeding ground for right wing extremists who have nowhere else to go and giving them major profits from the streams they make . it’s allowing a lot of extremists to make professions built on their bigotry . it’s praying on people’s weak spots by promoting itself as the only streaming service that allows people to gamble on stream . the owner is the co owner of a large cryptocurrency company . it’s entirely unappealing to communities upon communities of people and it’s understandable that people are upset with sapnap attempting to coax his viewers into such a toxic environment .

but it’s also understandable that sapnap feels he will be able to make some impact on the way the company is run . he is openly one of the only people to take a contract there while actively challenging the companies procedure which is a huge start . he’s voiced concerns about the reputation of the platform and how the streamers they host create such a foul represent tati on of the platform that will deter most people from the site . will he be able to change everything ?? fuck no but is his motivation understandable ?? yeah o think so .

so what did we learn here . it’s. a very complicated situation . there’s no right or wrong way to feel . unless you’re just going about spreading hate and acting like sapnap’s committed mass murder or whatever then you should probably take a step back and ask yourself why you’re angry to this extent .

people are always going to make decisions you don’t agree with. and saying ‘well yeah but i don’t like their reasoning’ is fine, you’re allowed to say you don’t think something is worthwhile but you have to remove yourself from your perspective and say okay. i understand why HE thinks it’s worthwhile even when i disagree . simply using the platform doesn’t make sapanp a bigot and he’s expressed his own ill feelings towards the platform because of its user base and stated no desire to be associated with those people and expressed his intention to work with the platform to make it a more friendly experience for everyone .

you can have no faith in that kind of change or support him 100% neither person would be in the wrong for how they feel about the situation . it’s an incredibly complex topic . there is bound to be disagreement . but i will say i don’t think his explanation is worth the mass hate and cancellation attempts it garnered . if you don’t like sapnap that’s fine, but don’t seek opportunity to spread hate just . go look at something you do like . follow him on kick or avoid the platform altogether . do what you want . who care .

[zhuhongs]

well I thought I was going to fall asleep early, but it seems like I have too many things keeping me up and since its too cold to sit at my desk and write at my journal this thought is going on the internet. Tl:dr: tomorrow is my birthday. send me 50 dollars. i am going to bed. gn

Yea, recently everything just feels so.... much. Like I'm always at a state of just slightly overwhelmed that makes it feel usless to do anything. Like I'm worried about money, and I know that I have credit so I can use it and I have things that I need and things I want that I shouldn't deny myself of just because things are a bit trying (like food I want, things I need to fix). But then I can't help but have that internalized poor mantra of "why are u buying this when u have bills to pay?" which is dumb bc I deserve to use what little money I have in making my life more enjoyable . But I'm also like. sage did U really need to upgrade your phone or buy an interview shirt or hair dye? Like, no not technically, but these are things I should do to just make myself feel better. I don't want to be using a broken phone, might as well upgrade when theres a promotion that sure makes it hard right now but is a smart idea in the long run. And yes while I didn't need the dye or the shirt - it will make me more confident in my interview so I can get a higher paying job and not be surrounded by Stuff all day causing me to want to constantly buy things bc I wont be in a store 8hrs a day 5 days a week. So like, yes you do need those things and its negligible when I consider the credit I have. And even if I have some debts, I know that no one can bail me out becausemy family is in the same situation. And I have time. I just started working. Its a rough month, and the fact that I have a trip planned makes it even harder. Because that means more money. But if I always deny myself the opportunity to go and do things bc I don't have the money then I'd never leave my house ever, and thats how I grew up and I was miserable and the money will be gone and the month will be tight anyways so just go anddon't think about it. But I do think about it, because it's hard, and I work so hard my entire life, for what? To pay rent?? other people my age get to say the money they make and build a life yet I was dealt a shitty hand and have had to spend my time working for something people are given. And it hurts bc I've wasted so much time and worked so much andhave 9 dollars to my name and so much debt. But I will find a way. ANd it will all be paid off. I don' know how but I've done this same thing before, cried about it, and went to work the next day and figured it out. And my mother has done this everyday for the past 30 years, and I feel so sorryforher because I know it's hard. And she deserves so much more and I want to give it to her, and I'm not even 23. And tomorrow is my birthday and I have to go work. Even if I called out I don't know what it would help. And I want to go out with my friends and have a good time but I need to paymy car and I need to pay my bills. And I work 9 to 5 and when I get home I have to walk my dog and make dinner. And it's cold. And by the time all of that is done I feel like I have no time to make art or practice chinese or do any of my hobbies and better myself. I''m so tired that all I do is sleep. And I feel myself falling into old habits. And I hate it, i hate it, I am trying so hard to clawmy way out of it. It's starting with a simple routine. Even if it hasn't gotten to the point where I sit and draw or read or write every day. At least I do the dishes when I finish eating, brush my teeth twice a day, foldmy clothes, make my bed, stay off my phone during my breaks, and pack a lunch. Even if that's something I should have achieved long ago, I didn't. So now I need to do that before I can learn how to do hwat I want sadly, because dreamings costs money and dreaming requires habits. AAAAAA. okay. I need to go to bed bc I need to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Happy bday to me.

[golbrocklovely]

i screen shot your ask just bc it was super long and i wanted it to be a bit easier for ppl to read your ask and then my response, so i hope you don't mind !

as for your opinion about the last video being somewhat scripted…. i don't really agree. but let me explain. first and foremost, there is too much riding on snc constantly telling the truth. if they were ever caught lying or faking evidence, they would lose their career. obviously there would be fans that stick by their side no matter what, but a lot of the fanbase would dip out if they thought snc were truly faking shit. and it would call into question every single investigation. so unless you believe that they also scripted/faked other videos, i don't think they would start now. and especially not at some random location most ppl have never heard of/isn't as popular as some of the other places they go to.

tbh, i think this was just a severe lack in research. snc aren't exactly known for doing the most thorough research on these places. prime example being the winchester house. it took until their third visit to finally find out that sarah winchester wasn't a crazy lady building room after room like a sims game. they believed what the caretakers said but also what the legend or folklore was, bc that's a lot more interesting than the real story. so, personally, i believe that snc just took the caretaker's word for this place and did no research after it. last time snc talked about having a team, they said they had one person that would help them with research, and with the amount of places snc go to, it might be easy for that one person to get a little lazy at times (or possibly they might not even have a person anymore since they haven't mentioned a researcher in a long time).

now, is it possible that celina knew and then embellished on the story? yeah, i guess so. i don't think that's impossible. but correct me if i'm wrong, bc i don't feel like going back and rewatching the video, but i thought she was saying that ed shot himself thru the top of his head, not the side (like the actual reports say). that way it would look like someone killed him, not that he killed himself. that way the murder could be placed on the doctor - according to celina's theory. i thought that was what she was pointing out in the drawing too. that it was a guy pointing a gun down at his head from the top and blood was running down his face. i might be misremembering so if i am, my apologies.

also if i'm completely honest, and sorry to snc if they ever see this, i don't think they are smart enough to script something like this. and i mean that with respect, even if it doesn't sound like it lol writing out a story that makes cohesive sense is very difficult - take it from the fanfiction writer who also majored in film and theatre in college. and that's a lot more difficult if it's based off a place that has actual evidence that point to the contrary. if snc were the first to go there, and there was little to no reports on what actually happened, they could kinda make shit up and no one would really know. but clearly it's a quick enough google search to know what the reports really said. i think they just took the caretaker's word for it and didn't give it much more thought. i also kinda think they just don't have the time to do it. bc again, this would assumingly not be their first scripted video (bc why start now, especially when you have so much proof that you don't need to script things to be entertaining?) so then that means how far back did they start? and if so, when they were pumping out multiple videos in a month, they were scripting those too? and since they collab with so many ppl, nobody - not a single person - has let it slipped, even on accident, that they script things?? it all relies too heavily on too many ppl keeping their mouths shut and snc don't have enough money to be paying off that many ppl sksksksk

if you really feel like snc did script this video, that's fine. you're allowed to think that. i don't personally believe they did. i think they just didn't research this place enough bc it wouldn't be the first time they got information wrong.

also i did the quickest and laziest of research aka i just googled the mansion, and the wikipedia page even says allegedly committed suicide so….. it might be possible that snc were trying to figure out did he actually do it or was he killed and then they just worded everything incorrectly. this also doesn't explain how celina knew if assumingly she didn't google anything beforehand. idk, either way i still don't think they scripted it. but if you disagree, i get why. i just don't think it would make sense for them to do it.

[stargazerlion]

Bit of a mental health post, really a rant but thats step one i feel, a friend told me i have to stop bottling but theres some things im not ready to do more than vaguepost about atm, so im getting my thoughts out here, since writing is one of my most helpful coping skills. This and any other similar posts i make if i do so will be tagged "#stargazers mental stuff" so you can filter if you dont want to see it. Also content warning some mildly creative swearing for an american white boy (yeah ik im a white girl but culturally im closer to white boy, especially in regards to the brand of pathetically creative attempts at swearing, idk how white girls swear tbh) to describe people i know, mutuals fyi none of them are you. Also a lot of judgement.

High school graduation. Its supposed to be a celebration of how far you've come or something. My school used the opportunity to pat themselves on the back over and over again. Also i was almost forced to come out to my dad alone in the car on the way there. As a run through, we had several manditory practice sessions (one downtown but far from any transit, they did not provide transport. What, you dont have your own car at age 18 or a parent who has enough free time to drive you around while paying an entire blue collar salary for schooling or a rich friend to carpool? Get fucked lmao. It was over an hour and a half transit each way for me, more for others, and probably around $8-10 per direcfion if it werent for the magic of normalized fare evasion) Through these entire practice sessions i had to endure the shitheads in my grade constantly misbehaving since there were no consequences and they didnt care if they kept everyone for more hours over the course of a week just so they could goof off. "Grit your teeth, get through it asap, then have fun" was not a familiar concept, and they made it everyones problem. Then the ceremonies themselves. There were two over two days, not gonna say why bc the more details i say about my life the more doxable i become, and i dont want the tumblr version of Rainbolt to show up outside my house. Both were highly crowded and overstimulating, and mandatory formal wear (understandable, but highly uncomfortable and dysphoric, esp since i had no desire to invest my hard earned money into nice mens formal wear to basically never be worn). Since seating was assigned as well, no option to at least sit near my friends for comfort, and since the spotlight was on us, there was no wearing noise canceling headphones or bringing stress toys. At the first ceremony, they had an awards ceremony, most of which as best i can tell were arbitrarily decided by staff, and i was incredibly nervous that i would get one and have to go up on stage, since as best i can tell they didnt tell anyone beforehand unless thet won the student voted awards. Simultaneously, it was a bit of a fuck you for like 1/3 people to get awarded including some real jagoffs, and not you, a generally good enough person who actually tried to do good things who just happens to be a fucking loser and not well known or thought of. Also required prayer times...gotta love those. Oh and i know its standard protocol in school events, but yeah we love mandatory nationalism look at the flag sing at the flag make out with the flag while youre at it...and your parents, teachers, and classmates are all watching.

Ok ceremony 2: this was in a much larger venue so much more people-y, which means much worse. I also decided i wanted to wear light makeup, which meant going over to a friends house for "making my hair presentable," my mom forgot her makeup bag, so she had to run home and get it, making it very obvious what was going on, and then my dad drove me alonw to there. Needless to say he had questions, and i was not up for dealing with that. So we get there, and as expected its loud and crowded and uncomfy, we are eventually forced to line up a full 20 min before we have to proceed, which means no one lined up for long, and so your options were to stand alone in your spot not able to do or say anything while everyone talked around you or go and socialize and get yelled at (bc you are known for good behavior, and bad behavior is noticed before the bad behavior of others). Then we proceed and some fucks in the crowd have flash cameras??? I thought we left those behind 20 years ago, and were just taking pictures of us proceeding, blinding me (and i know they were amateurs and not professionals, because my photography teacher was there and would have made sure they werent using flash. She was anti flash. So we sit down and its a boring set of speeches over several hours, including a very long student led one going through, in painful rhyme, the entire school experience, K-12 (only like 1/3 students were there that long, most much less, felt like another fuck you as a transfer), the parent of the laziest kid in the grade who i think was on a board or something (now i know how he passed despite never doing any work and always skipping classes) giving a speech in which she did a lot of gratuitous praise of both the school and her son, and a lot of "we did a really good job and everything has been perfect! 🥰 There is no reason anyone here should be graduating unhappy!" (Also a fuck you to someone who had a miserable time and genuinely tried to bring things up with admins to improve them but to no luck, and who was constantly treated as weird for not loving the various antics that happened such as the nigh hazing senior "pranks" or the disaster of an 11th grade weekend experience, genuinely felt at the time like being told im insane or at the very least dont matter for not having a perfect experience). There were also a lot of songs at these two events that i can never listen to again bc association ruined them for me. Then after the cermony there the whole crowd shifted from the ampiteatre to the room outside, which was just as packed, i wanted to hamg out with my friends to salvage a bit of the day but thats very hard when youre on the brink of mental collapse and cant find anyone in the crowd. Eventually i was able to leave with my mom, cold and hungry and highly overstimulated, but couldnt crawl in a hole and die like i wanted to bc my grandparents were there and i had to be with the family. Then the next day i went to work and i never had to deal with my shitty high school again, thank god. Anyways i now associate completing milestones with social pressure and suffering, so...thats one part of my life i have to fix before i am functional!