#it’s harder to feel like older moms relate

[kakiastro]

Astrology Observations and notes of all things Cancer related

This how cancers act when they’re home alone😅, just vibes and music😅

In honor of Cancer season, If you have Cancer, 4h, dominate Moon aspects placements, this post is for you !

-besides Crabs, other animals such as Elephants, Wolves and Bears are also ruled by the moon

-cancers are known as the nurturing sign and they most definitely can be, however, they struggle with being feeling vulnerable. Due to their sweet aura, they attract all kinds of people but it takes a lot for them to come out their shell.

-Cancer energy can also be very cold when they get angry. I know they are known as being “cry babies” but from what I’ve researched and seen, they can turn cold like sub zero, they turn into their sister sign capricorns(dark side of cap) 😭🤚🏽 they have the memory of an elephant, they’ll remember what you did to them forever in this lifetime and the next 50😭

- people who have Mars Cancer do NOT play when it comes to protecting their family members. Their anger is down right terrifying because how sweet and naive they appear. Oh no, they turn full on gangsta if you hurt anyone they love. 🤺

- I noticed you all are named after someone in your family or you get told that you act like a certain family member. You may be named after a women in your family or get told you act like her in someway

-motherhood may be a big theme in your life. This can include your own mother, friends who are mothers, working with mothers. Even if you don’t want or have kids, motherhood is still apart of your life somehow. Maybe being a mother to your own mother, the mom friend, the cool auntie that gives off mom vibes, mom to your siblings.

-Moon/Neptune aspects may struggle with fog memory. They can remember the big things in their life but have trouble with the small events. Taking pictures or journaling can help with this. I also notice they have these random moments where they remember the most random things at random times😅

-Moon/Sun aspects have such a powerful energy about them. You really light the room

-Cancer rising either have a face shaped like 🌝 or like��

- speaking of Cancer risings, them dimples! They deep like the moon craters

- acne problems, it’s even worse during adolescence but it does get better as you get older but you may occasionally break out. I also notice you guys have oily skin.

- Venus Cancer loves them a home cooked meal. They’re the type to go home to their mom or grandma for dinner. They may have a family recipe that’s passed down to them or they create one and pass it down to there kids

-they have a hard time with letting material things go especially if it’s sentimental to them. To the outside world it’s junk but to them it’s treasure. I get it tall I do lol

- Moon 11h attract a lot women as friend groups. Strangers may feel too comfortable with telling their personal business unprovoked

- leader of the family, it doesn’t matter what your role is, you are the one that holds the family together, people may be heavily dependent on you especially emotionally. You may be the first person in your family to accomplish something big.

-Cancer Suns may be the firstborn or firstborn daughter or son(not always). They are born during a time when their parents were especially father was ready to settle down and start a family. They could be born during a time where the family was going through some sort of emotional event and you were the fresh start. Will either feel more emotionally connected or feel disconnected due to trying to live up to his efforts and family ideals.

-Cancer moon feel a deep connection to their mothers theses are the type of children that will live with their mom into adulthood. Even if they move out, they calling they momma lol. Maybe very dependent emotionally on mom. If they don’t have a good relationship with mom, they will get will partners who can feel that void. It’s a lot harder for men with this placement.

-Moon/Jupiter comes from families with such strong belief systems and ideals. They carry these ideals into adulthood, it may be hard to break away from them. They may have a belief that they family viewpoint is everyone’s. They have to leave there nest and see the world for themselves and realize their family viewpoint may be short sighted. This can be triggering because you wonder what else were you not accurately taught.

-if you have 28°, that’s matriarch energy

-have you noticed Cancer starts in June which is the 6th month. 6 in astrology is ruled by Virgo. Summer months are chaotic because your starting a new routine for the season lol

-it’s also interesting that Cancer is the start of Summer season. All the kids is out of school and at home. This is one of the rare times of the year where families are vacationing and spending time together. Visiting other cities and countries. Cancer literally rules home countries and cities y’all lol

I’ll stop here but happy Cancer season and birthday Cancers

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

OC Marina Grayson

As a young man, Orm fell in love with a marine researcher. When she didn't return the next year with the pod of dolphins she was studying, he assumed she had been killed over their relationship bc it's something his father would've done. When he finds out it's actually bc he's a father and small children aren't allowed on research vessels, he peacefully abdicates the throne to his brother so he can marry the love of his life and raise his daughter in Gotham. Since he has the wealth of the ocean at his disposal, he purchases the local aquarium so they can still do marine research and start sharing some Atlantean knowledge with the surface world in order to help environmental awareness.

(HC for all Atlanteans) Atlanteans have scales they can display at will, and coloring is indicative of familial line. They also have facial markings when underwater and generally the bolder the better; more fierce and therefore beautiful. Orm inherited a Siren's Voice from his mother, and Marina was able to prove her ancestry with her Royal Gold scales and the incredibly rare Siren's Voice. Her facial markings look similar to a goth egirl, and are considered the height of Atlantean beauty. When she does her makeup on land she mostly just adds back her natural features, though the specific colors and shaping might vary a little. Dick is considered kinda ugly in Atlantis without the domino mask.

Because of her vocal ability, she had to visit Atlantis fairly often for training in control and as a backup heir to the throne. She was trained in traditional combat using a trident, but she's never felt right with the thought of ever needing to use it to take a life. The Atlantean public loves their kind and gentle surface princess, but the other court families think she's too free spirited and want to push their sons on her to keep the Voice within Atlantis.

She was Dick's classmate and acquaintances at the very least until she saved him from drowning in Gotham Harbor when they were 11. She dived in to rescue Robin, and was shocked to hear her classmate's voice thanking her. She paired up with Dick on their next school project so she could have an excuse to visit the Manor. She then confesses to Dick, Bruce, and Alfred to having figured out their secret, and tells them about her being Atlantean to show she's not intentionally a threat.

She and Dick become good friends after this since they can talk about their secret lives, and she joins the original Teen Titans when they form. She wrote the choreography for the team's lip-sync and dance videos for their official YouTube channel since, as younger millennials, they were some of the first heroes to publicly goof off on the internet in costume.

At one point during a school dance, she slapped her own date for calling her best friend a "dirty gypsy." There was a month or so when they were 15 where Dick did date Starfire, but there's no hard feelings or jealousy from it.

In high school, she was a competitive diver and worked at the aquarium as a mermaid in the shark exhibit in her spare time. She picked up air ribbon acrobatics as well because it's the closest thing she can do on land that feels like being underwater.

I'm undecided as of yet how they started dating, but Dick proposed with his mother's necklace. Some Romani vistas (I've heard) use coin necklaces, so I think he'd use his mom's the same way ppl use heirloom rings. It amuses Wally to no end that Circus Boy has a royal title and his favorite teasing nickname is "Your Highness."

Marina quit being a vigilante as they got older because it was getting harder to pull her punches as she got stronger. She recognized that it would be devastating for Surface-Atlantean relations if either the Princess or a representative hero killed someone even on accident, so stepped back to be a more supportive role as Surface Ambassador and post patrol medical assistance. Most of her work as Surface Ambassador involves negotiating ocean cleanup and environmental improvements on a governmental level with the various world powers.

She absolutely does not want to inherit the Atlantean throne. She despised her tenure as Regent while Arthur was dead before he was brought back to life in Darkest Night, and gave the throne back the very next day so she could go home.

While Bruce was stuck in the time stream, she was fully on board with Dick over legally adopting Damian. Sometimes he'll actually call her Ummi since she's more affectionate than Talia, especially when he's overtired. She does eventually adopt him under Atlantean law by challenging Talia for Mother's Rights. Since their fight was underwater due to Atlantean rules and Talia wanting whatever's best for her son, Marina wins and Damian is technically royalty as well now too. She's not even mad that Talia let her win, and gains a new respect for her as a mother who's willing to let her child go for a healthier upbringing than she could give.

When at home or for some semblance of privacy in public, Dick and Marina speak a blend of English and as much Romani as Dick can remember. Sometimes they'll include some Atlantean for extra security in public, but as English is Marina's first language they don't usually bother.

In the public eye on the surface, Dick is considered the trophy husband with a day job as a detective. He kinda loves their visits to Atlantis bc he's actually taken seriously as Dick Grayson without his pretty privilege. He can actually be his fully intelligent self there without the Atlantean public being shocked that he has more than a single brain cell.

Marina fully encourages sibling shenanigans amount the younger Batfam. She and Dick used to prank Bruce after all, and it's good and healthy bonding for them.

Jason is the adorable little brother who was taken too soon and came back angry yet still just as loved. She's kinda neutral about Tim but fully supports his tinkering and pranking shenanigans, and he likes her coffee more than Alfred's. Unfortunately I haven't known about most of the rest of the younger members long enough to have any relationship specifics in mind, but she's kinda like the cool auntie to all of them who will absolutely provide mischief supplies and assistance. No questions asked, just immediate "here you go I didn't see or hear anything."

[ratective]

could you tell me more abt ur sardonyx oc! How does she happen is she born w Steven or is it before Steven? Is it an au?

there’s so many possibilities depending on when she’s born that each would create a different au 😭 so i’ll say for this one she’s born before steven but much younger than amethyst

she’s born somewhere in the 1860s so in reality she’s older than 17 but just like the gems act and present a certain age despite being thousand years old, she’s like a 17 year old in a 200 year old’s body 🫶

sardonyx is pearl and garnets kid. her name is sort of coincidental to the fusion but it’s highly likely that a gem baby shares the parents fusion’s gem type. she’s a completely different being though, and while she and fusion sardonyx share a couple of features (like the tooth gap or hair color or being mean theatre loving nerds) she’s different personality wise. sardonyx and amethyst are similar in many ways, they both experience growing up with the crystal gems and their parenting abilities, but while sardonyx feels (and is) more as pearl and garnets kid amethyst sees rose as her primary mother figure so roses death hits her a lot harder

i like to think that despite their age difference they get on really well like sisters, especially considering their cynical and malicious sense of humor and shared parental figures they get to hate on lol

that surely made it harder for steven to bond with either of them at first, considering they already had each other; but steven and amethyst quickly found each others back with their weird mommy-issues-caused-self-worth-issues and sardonyx related to steven more with being the youngest crystal gem that’s always left behind and babied

although i think the gems would have a different approach since having sardonyx; they didn’t have anyone to just leave a helpless baby with while going on missions so they had to bring her anyway (maybe they had a makeshift baby carrier lol) that’s why she got to experience dangerous situations a lot earlier than steven did and that messed her up on her own accord. pearl and garnets reluctance to bring steven along was probably the result of many mishaps and close calls happening to their baby during missions; they didn’t want to put steven in danger to avoid some accidents in the past

the sardonyx arc definitely messed sards up. sure, pearl and garnet disagreed before but after rose she’s seen pearl spiral like never before and it scared her. garnet was still putting on a smile for her but she could see her struggling to keep everything (and pearl) together, so after things getting slightly better between everyone and then sardonyx arc happened….she definitely got more distant from the fusion sardonyx. she didn’t like what she’d become to pearl, just a way to feel stronger and better about herself. she changed her appearance a little to not look as similar (which wasn’t easy, considering they share sister-like features lol) because she didn’t like what she reminded her of.

sardonyx would def appear a little apathetic and distant to steven at first but the truth is she just got the autism remix from both of her moms LMAO, she’s overwhelmed easily so greg coming into their lives also graced her with the blessing of headphones and she kept wearing them ever since. she’s, for the lack of a better word, neurotic like pearl but has a lot more chill thanks to garnets predominant influence, though if upset she’s a lot quicker to anger than either of them (call that grandma ruby’s influence hahs) what they all three have in common is the lack of ability to read social cues this shit runs in the family alright

she was always pearls little shadow when she was younger and if it so happened that not all of them were needed on a mission garnet would go alone or with rose while pearl stayed and looked after sardonyx so they bonded a lot. when she got older though, she became a little critical of pearl’s approach to many situations (which was amplified by her growing up and gaining the mentally of a teenager) and started to side with garnet a lot more especially when discussing what’s best for steven or herself

anyway this is all just rambling nonsense, this au is all over the place i just love my baby so much even though she looks like a lesbian spongebob 🫶

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

ramble about noelle. now. no choice. now.

I mean it's 6:30 am for me and I'm at the point in the all-nighter where I might just pass out so... of course I will!

She's honestly probably my second favorite character. (First is Berdly my favorite boyfailure) Like yeah Kris is cool and all but first Noelle's design is just so good. I note this in some of my older drawings that I haven't posted but her design can very easily be adjusted to echo the Delta Rune - the horns can mimic the wings, and I give her three freckles on each side and then her nose is prominent to be the three triangles. Make her face more heart shaped instead of oblong and boom! Delta Rune face!

Second the Snowgrave Route has me by a chokehold and always has. I have an au that plays with it but I really wish I had leaned harder into her being manipulated because her whole headspace in that route is so fascinating to my angsty little heart. She suffers and I'm here for it.

In all seriousness, though, I like looking at her through the lens of her being expected to know everything and have it all together when she's thrust into this strange world with no preparation and no prior experience. As the player, you're handed control of her mental state. In a normal route, you help her be more confident in all encounters, help her learn how to navigate social situations more easily and let her embrace silliness similar to how you help Berdly. In the Snowgrave Route, you teach her to black out and do horrible things. You tell her to give all her control to you and she does, but it ends up making her terrified of giving up control because she doesn't want to hurt people, doesn't want the shutdown and blankness that comes with her giving over control.

Side tangent, that leads into Kris Noelle parallels! In the Snowgrave Route, you force Noelle to give over control and, at least in my opinion, it makes her act a lot like Kris in some ways once you leave the Dark World. She's quieter, seems to carry herself differently, is more defensive and possessive. She's terrified of giving up control. At the same time, she's also still acting in ways you've taught her to. Reminds me a little of certain Kris behaviors/headcanons - they're very possessive of Susie at times, and I personally love to headcanon Kris as having no filter when the soul isn't possessing them because they're so used to having a forced filter. Truth be told, any parallels here are mostly conjecture because Kris can't act super independently, but i do enjoy thinking of them as playing up their weirdest quirks to still be themself, which I just love.

Another thing involving Kris - I'm very decidedly neutral on Kriselle (at least normal Kriselle, Snowgrave toxic fucked up Kriselle is my shit) but I love looking at Kris and Noelle's relationship platonically. Estranged best friends who still care for each other but don't know how to anymore. Kris playing Noelle's piano means so much to me you don't even know. I want to make a young Noelle design so I can draw her listening to them play. They both mean so much to me as friends who want to reconnect but can't. Pulled apart by the same connections that once pulled them together (Asriel and Dess). There's so much there and it makes me feel things I'm just now delirious enough to express.

Okay Kris-related tangent over they can go back to their moss corner now. Let's talk about Noelle and gifted kid burnout! Because she is going to hit it so hard honestly. Bear with me since it's been a while since I've seen a playthrough and I'm about to ho into the arguably more "pay attention or you die" part of the game that I never paid attention during so I might get stuff wrong.

If I recall correctly Noelle's actively a star student. Doesn't seem like she struggles too much, either. She's a great student - always answers questions, always gets good grades, etc. I've seen a lot of takes with her mom pressuring her to study constantly, which is a good take, don't get me wrong! I just find her more interesting - to me - if she's coasting through without trying, because if she's anything like me when I was in middle/high school, she knows a huge burnout is coming. She can tell she's starting to have to care about little and she's about to crash and burn so hard. Imagine having paralyzing anxiety and also knowing you're about to hit gifted kid burnout lol (<- the words of a man who was like that a year ago. Now I just have the burnout proper!)

Her relationship with Susie is fascinating to me too. Have you seen that meme of Timmy Turner from Fairly Oddparents (i think that's who it is) praying going "please God let this happen it would be so fucking funny" except "this" is "suselle not be canon"? Because I unironically love that from a writing standpoint. I am a Suselle shipper through and through but honestly I think they have a lot of potential outside of it being canon. I love the idea of Noelle struggling to get over her crush and failing. Their relationship warping into new, unseen flavors of gay pining. Something just west of queer-platonic, where it's inherently romantic but neither is able to acknowledge it as such. Nothing actively toxic, just Noelle begging for Susie to hold her hand so hard it hurts - partially because sign of affection and partially because Noelle has a pattern of wanting Susie to hurt her which I could unpack but would have to at least touch on topics I don't really feel comfortable infodumping about in this otherwise sfw post at - wait it's already 7:30? So that's enough Susie and Noelle for now! Although I still think they should go on gay little dates.

Is it Kris tangent part 2 if it's Player tangent? Because Player tangent time! Mostly a bunch of points i touched on in Kris tangent. You can control her a lot. Ruin her psyche forever etc etc. This is honestly my Snowgrave Kriselle toxic mess tangent because let's be real, it isn't even Kriselle. It's not Kris x Noelle. It's Player x Noelle. You manipulate her and break her and make her scared and dependent on you and then you give her a Thorn Ring and she bleeds and gets stronger through pain and the whole time she is forced to do whatever you want and I. I just. There's so much symbolism there and it's so pretty. (Which leads into my catholic guilt tangent later which is already written but I might as well add to it.) So messed up. A part of my Gravity Falls infected brain wants to say "it's a little Billford" because I know you would understand what I mean. So I will! Snowgrave Kriselle is sorta Billford with more catholic guilt to me. Like Noelle's like "ah my best friend Kris! :) We've grown apart recently but I trust them implicitly and will not consider what they want me to do! :D Oh no, they betrayed me? :( That's not good. I'll just back out now- what do you mean the religious iconography built directly into our relationship means I am directly tied to them and they're allowed to order me as they choose while I am forced to listen because I am simply a servant of our God figure who is controlling Kris. What do you mean there's catholic guilt woven into my bones and I cannot escape because my whole situation is extremely easy to see as a metaphor for religious trauma. Stop it. Stop making my symbolism indicative of real-life situations I don't want you be trapped because of the guilt and shame associated with leaving being so intense and ingrained into my character that I can't leave. D:"

Also, taking a deeper look at the Angel iconography surrounding her? The robes and the Thorn Ring and the everything? Oh yeah, I could write some religious trauma into that girl. (Well I already did because I wrote this out of order and my religious trauma rant got out of hand.) Bonus points because she's canonically queer - bless you Toby Fox writing lesbians into everything you touch - and double bonus points if you headcanon her trans! Imagine having your religion held against you to make you hate yourself as you just try to live and then also you go to a terrifying magic world and also get kidnapped while dressed like the icon that's used to guilt trip you into thinking you're irredeemable. So terrifying and fascinating I could just blend her in the Blorbo Blender. Trademark.

And Snowgrave Route? Whooooo the catholic guilt metaphor is strong with this one! I already mentioned the Thorn Ring - a reference to crucifixion and the crown of thorns? Not sure, I never got that far in the Bible (wasn't raised religious but was forced to read the Bible as punishment once or twice). She gives herself over to a sort of savior, a godlike figure, Kris. Something something parallels between Kris and Chara/Frisk Undertale means parallels between Kris and the Angel that the Undertale children represent and therefore Kris can be regarded as a sort of messiah like figure in accordance to that and therefore Noelle gives herself over to a messiah (Kris) and suffers because of it. Not even overtly. Kris never hurt anyone else. They only hurt her. And really, they made her stronger. Sure they guilt her into killing a non-believer (Berdly), but they also make her stronger, stronger than they could ever be. She's now reliant on them and a wreck without them, but they pulled her out of one of the worst times of her life - heedless of the pain they inflicted on her - and they haven't ruined Susie. Isn't it her fault they hurt her? Did she not devote herself enough? Did she make a mistake somehow? Some small, imperceptible slight against them? Or maybe she simply isn't strong enough to receive their wisdom and she's paying the price of not being enough for them? Not being worthy of her messiah's "unconditional" love? Angel, she got enough of this in the Light World, now she's got two entities breathing down her neck. Extra powerful as a metaphor for religious trauma when you consider Kris as being functionally more of a prophet and yourself as the god in this situation. Because like. You are. If I ever write this into a fic I might just tag you if you're chill with it because I loved the catholic guilt rants so much.

It's been an hour and a half and I am on my phone and my finger hurts because phone evil wants to eat me and also I am running out of perfect haven't-slept-in-over-18-hours clarity so I'm going to. Probably brainrot over my newest obsession in the stupidest way possible. Maybe eat breakfast in an hour because I will evaporate without coffee and it's 7 am anyways. Thank you for an excuse to do this lol I love Noelle so so so much and I don't think about her enough. I'd like to stress i did nothing but write this, with a small break to draw the Noelle enclosed. Anyways I have like. Ten(?) Deltarune fics, about there, maybe more maybe less, not sure and not opening another ao3 tab to check right now. If you wanna check my fics out my user is the same there and also my ao3's linked in my pinned. Frozen Tears is my Noelle centric AU but I might rewrite it because wow I forgot how much I loved Noelle and. Kinda hated writing that fic. All my favorite details of the comic (because it was a comic first, made when my style first turned to what it is now) get lost which is a shame. I was so proud of the single panel of Kris's wallet.

Anyways here's a shitty Noelle for your troubles. Every time I draw her I do it differently I swear and also I haven't drawn her in like. Six months. So.

Fun fact my Tumblr didn't want me to post this post! So it was finished yesterday and it's early so I'm not editing it to remove the time markers

[completelyandtotalyuneventful]

I feel like I don’t see enough exploration into thow the ancestors being their parents affects the trolls in Humanstuck au’s. Because when you think about it it’s really fucking interesting.

Vriska in canon idolizes Mindfiang and tries to imitate her in her everyday life. She even goes as far as forcing herself to show interest in and become quadrantmates with the descendants of Mindfang’s quadrantmates (Eridan and Tavros). For humanstuck this creates a kid who places her mother on a pedestal and forms her entire personality around her. Maybe Mindfang is some notable person in the town they live in, like she holds an important job or she was infamous at the schools Vriska goes to. She could be so popular to the point where Vriska and Aranea are seen as “Mindfang’s kids” first and themselves second. Vriska thinks her mother is extremely cool and can do no wrong. Bonus points if Mindfang is dead or missing and Vriska lives with Aranea or Spidermom (who in this case might be Mindfangs terrible mother or sister or something). Vriska might be trying to honor her mother by imitating her in everyday life, based on what little information she has on her from her journals and the stories people tell her. Aranea, being older and having probably interacted with Mindfang more before her death, might know her true personality (whether she was good or bad) and is hiding what she knows from Vriska so as to not crush this perfect version of their mother that she has. This would make it ten times harder for Vriska to step out of Mindfang’s shadow and form her own personality, as she would feel like she was betraying her mother or letting go of her memory.

Meenah and Feferi!!!! Now they live with the terrible piece of shit that is HIC. In canon Meenah idolizes HIC as a cooler alternate version of herself, while Feferi is disgusted and horrified by her actions. This translates pretty easily over to a messed up parent/child dynamic. Meenah sees her mother as extremely cool, and thinks that if she imitates her or proves to her mother how cool SHE is that HIC will love her. She wants to be moms favorite and for them to be on a team against her annoying sister. Meanwhile Feferi is disillusioned from whatever caused Meenah to have this view on their mom, and instead sees her for the terrible person she is. Feferi is constantly trying to separate herself from her mother and prove that she is nothing like her. This is EXTREMELYinteresting if you include SolFef or Sollux and Feferi being close friends. The Psiioniic is one of the people HIC treated the worst out of the ancestors, meaning that in a humanstuck setting she is likely his abusive ex or a former/current bully. Psii could even work for her and be treated terribly at his job. This would cause an immediate distrust in Feferi, and Fef would have to work extremely hard to prove to Sollux’s dad that she is nothing like her mother and is a good person. This could also lead to a Meenah and Feferi conflict, where they are constantly fighting about their mother until Meenah has a moment where she realizes that no matter how much she tries to prove herself worthy, HIC is never going to love her, at least not in the way she wants her to.

The new family relations alone are interesting. Are Signless and the Disciple married, making Kankri, Meulin, Karkat, and Nepeta siblings? Is Dolorosa still Signless’s mom (which if you go this route I would usually make Kanaya and Porrim her grandchildren and have them as the Vantas’s cousins, but age gaps between siblings that are that big DO exist so Kanaya and Porrim could be Singless’ sisters and Karkat and Kankri’s aunts)? The Vantas’, Leijon’s, and Captor’s have likely been close since before Karkat, Nepeta, and Sollux were born, so do the three of them wonder if they’re actually friends or if they only hang out due to this proximity? Are either Dualscar or the Summoner Aranea and Vriska’s dad, or do the Ampora’s and Nitram’s just have a complicated history with the Serket’s due to these former relationships? How would this affect Vriska, Eridan, and Tavros’ friendship? How does Terezi’s mom working for Gamzee’s dad affect the relationship between the Pyrope’s and the Makara’s? There’s just so much shit to look at and I find it very interesting.

[girldragongizzard]

Chapter 9: The places I fear

When I pass the elevator on my way to Rhoda’s apartment, I press the button and wait for it to open.

Wentin’s not in there.

I take the stairs anyway.

—

I remember when all the adults in my life were a pair of pants and some shoes. 

I mean, there were legs and feet in them, but mostly what I saw were those pieces of clothing walking around. Sometimes it was a skirt or a dress, but in the late seventies and early eighties a lot of women were wearing jeans already. And sometimes an adult would bend down and become a full person for me.

It was during this time that I first stepped over the threshold of an elevator and realized there was a very deep crack there that went down a long way.

And I felt like I was so small I could easily fall through it.

LIke, I knew it didn’t make any sort of sense. I could see that my foot was bigger than the crack. But I also didn’t know. Deep, deep down in my sense of reflexes and instincts, the assessment my brain had was that I was way smaller than I should be and that I should look out for dangers related to my vulnerable size. And that crack was definitely one of those dangers.

Also, there was a monster down there that would eat me if I fell through. Obviously.

So, the first time I encountered it, I balked. And my parents had to urge me to cross it quickly before the doors closed. And eventually, patience failing them, they helped me jump over it, each holding my hands.

And then they talked to me about it, but I was too distracted by the feeling of going up. Which was also alarming in another way, because it felt like I was being pushed down harder, toward the floor, under which was the monster that would eat me.

I silently suffered.

I know I could talk then, because I would blab on and on about my latest dinosaur toys if I ever had one in my hands. But stuff like this, I just couldn’t get out. Not even when grilled by an adult.

But also? That under-the-elevator monster? I grew to want to fight it.

I was safe at home with my dinosaurs, pretending that I was a dinosaur, when I thought about that monster and realized as a dinosaur I could eat it if I wanted to. I could be big enough to do that.

Eventually.

I did get used to elevators as I got older, though. I overcame that fear pretty quick, and then I was secretly proud I could handle the machines. But, in college, before my chronic fatigue had set in, I started going up and down stairs for the exercise, and the solitude.

Nobody else used the stairs. They so rarely do.

—

Going down the stairs takes longer than the elevator. Not because I’m still physically disabled and naturally that slow. I know that if I wanted to I could rush down and get there at approximately the same time, maybe before. Especially with that creaky old lift to compete with.

In fact, with whatever magic it is that I have as a draconic magical girl faerie princess, I could probably literally glide down the stairs as if in a dream. And that’s without shedding my camouflage. Though trying and failing would suck, I don’t think I’d get that hurt.

This human guise feels like an illusion. I can feel my wings against my back and my tail wrapped around me, even if when I run my hands over my hips there’s nothing but fabric and skin and the contours of a somewhat fat woman.

But because I’m reluctant and scared and thinking, I’m taking my time.

—

My first encounter with girl things was when I was four, obviously, when my sister was born.

I didn’t think much of them, because, back in 1978 there weren’t actually many gendered toys for infants. I had a doll named Joey that peed, that was a birthday present when I was 2 years old. My sister got it, with a fresh set of clothes, as a hand-me-down from me almost immediately, even though she was too young for it when she was born. I didn’t care. I wanted her to have it. And she was dressed in the same kinds of animal themed onesies I saw myself wearing in my baby photos. My mom pointed this out to me.

But, one of my aunts gave her a dress with a matching one for Joey. It was the kind of thing that could be adjusted as she grew, too, so she could be put in it for church every Sunday for at least a little while. And Joey wore that dress for the rest of our childhood, even though Emelie, my sister, kept calling him Joey and a boy, because I’d insisted on doing that too. My parents had called him Joey to me, so that’s what he was.

He was not anatomically correct for a cis boy, though, so ever since I learned what trans people were I’ve been thinking of him as a gender non-conforming trans boy. A trans boy who still liked dresses.

I don’t know if the doll still even exists.

My parents didn’t comment much on incongruities like that. At least, not in our early childhood. My sister and I were allowed to mix up gender stuff pretty much as we wanted, so long as it was during play. Not for church, though.

I didn’t really get my internalized misogyny until I started kindergarten. My classmates laid it on thick in the schoolyard. There was only one way to be cool, and that was to be a boy and to like boy things. And I could roll with that. I really liked Starblazers, for instance. And when I tried to sing the theme song, the boys would try to join in, because it was cool.

So, why did I get so heavily bullied from first grade on?

I sure didn’t know at the time. And nobody had any answers besides, “They must have a worse home life than you. They’re jealous.”

Well, the bullies knew.

They called me retarded, a nerd, a gaylord, and a girl. None of which fit me in my mind at the time.

I had a sister, so I knew what a girl was, and I wasn’t that. Even though I already was sort of wishing that I was.

I had no idea what a gaylord was. The word didn’t make any sense, and when I asked what it was they’d just say, “You!”

Nerd came later, around fifth and sixth grade, and it was genuinely my fault. I made the mistake of self identifying as a nerd, after having seen Revenge of the Nerds, and it stuck as an insult. The way it didn’t fit for me was as an insult. I liked things. And apparently, that was uncool or something. What?

Retarded was the earliest insult, and came at me apparently because I’d been held back a year in Kindergarten. Or something like that. But I could see I was just as smart as any other kid in the school, if not smarter (we all thought in terms of smartness back then - no one had dismantled it yet). And I had no idea why I had been held back and got to experience Kindergarten twice. I barely ever even remembered the second year of it. I just got to have fun playing with more kids before homework started being assigned in first grade, and it blurred into the first year as sort of one big year of Kindergarten in my head.

I make that sound like I knew what homework was and had been anticipating it. That’s not how it worked.

I mean that the memories that stuck in my head were the firsts. When looking back, I remember the first few days or months of Kindergarten, and then I remember homework.

And if bullying was the first layer of Hell, homework was the second. Chores the third.

But, still, reflecting on the bullying. Looking back at old photos and home movies and videos, I have since seen some of the things the bullies were probably picking up on to classify me as a target.

I wore clothes with dinosaurs on them through third grade. And after that, I’d discovered dragons, and I went full bore on dragons in a way I’d never done with anything else. To the point that everyone was confused by it. Claiming that I was a dragon magically hidden in the body of a boy probably didn’t help.

Then, also, I never walked or moved right for a boy. I never noticed it myself. Looking at my mom and sister, they had mannerisms that confused me and I thought I’d never figure out or have. It turns out I was already doing them myself, and just didn’t realize it.

A lot of trans girls and women discover that, looking back, they moved like women (or like how society thinks women move) before they knew what they were.

And, when a lot of cis boys and men see that they see it as gay. And because of homophobia, gay is bad.

Which further confused me, when “gaylord” turned into “fag” and “gay” and much, much later, “queer”. Because if anything, if I ever daydreamt about having a partner or getting married, it was with a girl. And if I was supposed to be a boy, that meant I was straight.

But, yeah, I’m gay. Really, really gay. For women. Or female dragons. Or, something. All dragons are female, biologically, apparently, though putting it that way is distinctly rude to Joel, Anurak, and other dragons who are otherwise male. All dragons can lay eggs, according to Chapman, but our reproductive biology is weird. In any case, my sense of attraction is all screwed up and strange now and I don’t fully understand it. At least, not while mating season seems so far off, and all I feel is growing affection and attachment more to humans and Artists than to other dragons.

And I know Rhoda is very important to me.

I feel like I want to see things the way she does, even if I maybe disagree with her sometimes. I want to see where she’s coming from, and what she sees when she looks out at the world, so that I can more easily walk beside her while she gets where she’s going. And maybe help her get there, if she wants the help.

And from everything I’ve observed of humans, while pretending and trying to be human, I understand that’s life partner talk. Marriage thinking.

And it’s super early in our friendship or just getting to know each other, but damn my emotions soar when I think like that.

Same as when I think about Chapman, too.

And when I was a kid, hiding in my corner of the schoolyard, hunched over and anticipating attacks from the other kids, daydreaming about a better world, having a life partner who understood me and who would stick up for me was definitely part of that better world. But having two, if that’s what’s possibly in store for me, would have blown my little mind.

Having two partners while living fully out as a dragon, being able to actually breathe fire, while also being such a girl? Well, despite my physical dysphoria at the time, I would have protested that it was impossible. And that last idea, of being a girl, would have seen me shaking my head and walking away.

I didn’t start roleplaying as a girl online until much, much later.

But there was a book. Or a series of books. They weren’t super special, but they were kind of cute and I liked them.

They were my sister’s books, Meg and Mog, by Jan Pieńkowski.

Meg was a witch who was always trying to cast a useful spell to solve a problem she maybe didn’t need to use magic for, and it would go wrong.

Mog was her cat.

These were little picture books, and I think they were made into a T.V. show that no one I’ve ever met remembers.

I think they fell out of popularity fairly quick. The art was cute but not especially exceptional. Basically stick figures.

But, my sister identified with Mog really fast, and started pretending she was a cat. Maybe as a way of playing the same kind of make believe she thought I was playing when I said I was a dragon. But, lots of other girls had a cat phase.

Anyway, that sort of made me feel like Meg was left for me, though I didn’t feel free to identify as her at the time.

The name stuck in my head.

I expanded it to Meghan in my celtic mythology phase in late high school, and started writing stories about Meghan as some kind of unlikely hero. Meghan the Dragon.

They were supposed to be like forgotten Irish myths, but what I tried to write was very unlikely for that.

When I first created my Tumblr blog, well into adulthood, it was in the hopes of maybe turning those stories into a series of children’s books. And by that point, I was also wishing very much that I could be Meghan.

It’s been a long road of hiding, hesitation, and half started projects that fizzled on the vine. Or whatever malapropism fits best.

It was all malapropisms, metaphorically speaking. Nothing fit right. Not for the longest time.

And even as an adult, I’ve been assaulted on the sidewalk for carrying myself the way I do, even dressed in a T-shirt and jeans and trying to walk as stiffly and masculine as possible. Full beer cans and apples thrown at me from speeding cars.

It never stopped.

Shit. In a way, Säure is continuing the tradition of picking on Meg.

With how screwed up I am about my identity and my orientation, and how I just always seem to be the target of bullies, and being the focus of Säure in particular now, I’m having a hard time seeing what Rhoda sees in me.

But I’m going to have to let go of that doubt and confusion in order to actually listen to her about it. Or just trust her.

And maybe it’s done anyway. Maybe she still wants nothing to do with me and is just being nice now.

—

There’s her door.

I watch my body knock on it, screaming just a little on the inside.

And then I wait.

—

Probably the most embarrassing thing I ever did, or the one that just keeps haunting me, was at the end of high school. Back in 1993.

I kind of sort of had a senior prom date. I’m not going to name her in my story, because I don't want to mortally embarrass her. If she reads this, she’ll recognize the story well enough, she doesn’t need to see a real or a fake name associated with it.

But anyway, for that year, we’d basically just started walking home together. We went the same way for several blocks, and we had a shared interest in celtic music and Irish mythology, and we seemed friendly enough to each other to start talking about it all. And then we agreed to go on a date prom night, without actually going to prom.

I was regularly wearing a wool trench coat at the time, even late into the spring. It might have been in part to hide my body, which I’d hated since I could remember. But also, the way it swayed and blew in the wind behind me kind of felt like having wings.

I was known for it, and apparently she wanted to show off her own cloak, which I’d never seen before.

It was given to her by her grandfather, and was gorgeous with a mantel and everything. Sort of a dark green-gray. I loved it.

But something about the way that she brought me to her house, and the way both she and her mother expressed themselves while bringing it out and insisting that I try it on, I got the impression that she was giving it to me.

It didn’t make sense to me, exactly, but here I was being offered a thing I would definitely absolutely really love that was obviously way too precious and meaningful to her. But, my brain interpreted it as if I was being given this cloak for some reason.

And I don’t remember exactly what I said anymore. But it was something that included “thank you” and expressing surprise that the cloak could now be mine.

She wanted to see it on me, yes, but she was just showing me the cloak. Like, this was her big thing that we had in common. Big impressive dramatic wool outerwear.

And my utterly oblivious slapstick grade misread of the situation has been a wound in my side ever since.

Even now.

The two of them acted so awkward about it. But also, it was done when the cloak went back in the closet, and we moved on.

Well, the date moved on, but I never really did.

I also kind of still wish I got to have that cloak. And that’s part of why the self inflicted emotional wound still feels fresh. I’m so embarrassed and mortified by my own feelings sometimes.

Later, similar but smaller misunderstandings like that would play a role in losing every job I tried to hold.

If I were to try to name a place where my fear of misunderstanding now lies, it would be in my heart.

I sure hope Wentin isn’t in my heart.

—

Rhoda opens the door.

She seems to sigh in relief, but she also looks tired, worn out, and sad. And a little shaky. She’s been crying hard.

Selfishly, I feel like I could use a good cry too, actually. I don’t think I cry at all anymore.

“Meghan,” she says. “Before you come in, I need a rule. I didn’t have it before, but I need it now.”

“Okay,” I say.

“I need this home of mine to be a sanctuary, a place of rest,” she says. “It’s awfully tempting to use it as a place of planning and scheming. But I can’t have that here anymore. I need it as a way to get away from all that. So, no planning or scheming beyond this door. OK? Though, I do reserve the right to make specific exceptions. Got it?”

That seems very understandable to me, though I’m trying to figure out whether she means all planning and scheme, like even making plans for dinner, or what? There’s probably a line.

She’ll make the exceptions. That’s what she just said. I just have to follow her lead. It’s her home. Got it.

In the past, I think I would have continued panicking. Somewhere along the line, I’ve learned some things.

“Yes,” I say.

She almost smiles, but it’s more like just a cessation of stress, and she says, “Come on in, then. I’ll get more tea fired up. And then maybe, after a couple more things I gotta say, we might make our first exception to that whole scheming rule.”

But it’s right then that I start feeling that fucking itch on the back of my neck again!

I’ve got to molt, and it’s just going to dominate the whole night until it’s done.

[cinemaseeker]

Let's Review: Barbie

FAIR WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Barbie.

No other singular female name invokes quite as many various feelings, to such varying degrees, as Barbie. And very few names are quite as ubiquitous as Barbie (no really, name anyone you know who's never owned a Barbie at least once in their lifetime). And as with any ubiquitous entity, people are going to try and take their best shot, hoping to bring them down to our level.

Make no mistake, this movie is meant to reintroduce Barbie to a new generation of consumers. You will, more likely than not, want to buy a Barbie doll or other Mattel product either before or after watching this movie, either for yourself or for any child you know. This movie effectively serves as a mass market rebranding of Barbie, pivoting her from the poster girl for unrealistic body image/impossible feminine beauty standards to a vehicle for individuality and female empowerment.

Barbie is now all things to all people (anyone can be Barbie!), but all those things are still Barbie. However, as most of us know, a friend to all is a friend to none. If you are all things to all people, then you are effectively nothing, an empty vessel for others to project themselves onto. And indeed, even this new re-vamped Barbie can be validly viewed as a vapid vehicle for the consumer's own dreams and desires, leaving very little to no room for Barbie to have any dreams of her own.

And yet this movie still dares to ask: can a corporate capitalist product, whether it's a mass marketed toy or a Hollywood movie starring that toy, ever be a good thing, a force for positive change? Can subversive feminist messages stick stronger with audiences, especially its youngest and most impressionable viewer, if we cover it in a pink candy coating? Just give it a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down?

After all, this new Barbie now comes with her own existential crisis and has to deal with scary realities such as cellulite, aging, and *gasp* FLAT FEET (a hilarious bit of family-friendly body horror).

Not to mention a growing awareness of mortality.

To answer Barbie's question: yes. Yes, I do think about dying. We all think about dying at some point. And perhaps more importantly, our kids are starting to think about dying. I would not be surprised if there is even a single kid out there who has asked this question during playtime through their own Barbie. And for many good reasons. The world is a mess right now. Don't even get me started.

It feels like kids and adults alike are more anxious than ever and this new Barbie can certainly relate to that anxiety, even if it's not necessarily her own (it belongs to the girl playing with her). But it turns out that it's the girl's mom Gloria (America Ferrera) who's really struggling and needs Barbie's help, if only by using Barbie as a means of working through her own dissatisfaction as a working wife and mother.

This movie reminds us that we don't stop worrying about things just because we grow up. If anything, we find more things to worry about as we get older. But adults often don't get the same kind of comfort that we give to children; we're just supposed to suck it up and tough it out, but sometimes all we wanna do is stay in our rooms and play with our toys, just like we did when we were kids. Especially if we're girls, since the world is significantly much harder for us to deal with in a society that constantly polices and critiques girls and women (Gloria's speech about the impossible, and often double, standards imposed upon women is a highlight of the movie and should be required viewing for all humans)

But Barbie helps us feel like kids again.

Throughout the entire movie, Greta Gerwig and her team manage to recapture the joy of playing with Barbies with an obviously loving attention to detail. Barbie Land is that now-rare fantasy world that doesn't require a factual explanation but runs on a strong engine of internal logic that makes sense if you've ever played with dolls.

But enough about Barbie.

What about the men?

They're the ones who really have it rough here. Having to deal with all this girly stuff.

Now guys, this might come as a shock, but this movie might not be made for you in mind and therefore you may not get it. You may find yourself confused about why women in this movie are hogging the spotlight and not letting the men do anything important.

But, it's okay, don't worry guys, Ken's got you.

Barbie may be the star, but Ken gets the real emotional journey here. You see, he keeps getting friend-zoned by Barbie, who would rather hang out with her girlfriends and maintain her autonomy than spend the night with him. But once he follows Barbie into the Real World and discovers a magical society where men are in charge and women have to respect them, Ken brings some of these ideas back to the Kens in Barbie Land, thus subjugating all the Barbies to the awesome new patriarchal rule of "Kendom".

Now every night is guys' night.

Folks, go give bonus points to whoever had "Ken gets a villain arc" on their 2023 Bingo card. And while you're at it, add an extra 5 if they also included "Ironic use of a Matchbox Twenty song on the Barbie soundtrack".

Ken's story arc is a powerful reminder of why it's important to critique feminism when it doesn't work.

After all, Barbie Land's matriarchy may seem utopian at first glance, and may even be super inclusive to Barbies of all shapes and races and abilities, but ultimately it is exactly the same as our real world patriarchy, only gender-swapped, with women holding all the power and men being treated as useless accessories. This doesn't balance the scales, it just tips them all the way in the other direction. The only way to achieve true equality is for both men and women to have equal power in society. A conclusion that, thankfully, the movie reaches on its own by the end.

And although Barbie shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting to spend time with Ken or for prioritizing time for herself and her friends, I do appreciate that she was able to make things right with Ken without having to fix things with a kiss or kowtow to his desire to make her his girlfriend. Instead she helps Ken realize that he needs to figure out who he is outside of Barbie, cutting right to the root of toxic/fragile masculinity, which is usually the result of men with low self-esteem just wanting to be heard and respected.

But while Ken is hilariously drawn as a pouty, mostly innocent man child who just wants to be loved (ideally by Barbie), it's a lot harder to laugh off his antics when they result in the Kens actively stripping away constitutional rights and taking over the Supreme Court of Barbie Land. This moment especially should hit just a little too close to home and inspire us to take action.

Thankfully, this movie is not only entertaining and hella meta, but also serves as a practical instruction manual for how girls and women can deal with toxic men and take their power back, whether it's from men in power or obnoxious film bros who constantly espouse the virtues of films like The Godfather and the Snyder cut of Justice League (there's nothing wrong with enjoying these movies, just don't be a dick about it).

It has been a long, time honored tradition in Hollywood for "chick flicks", which is usually code for female-centered films, to be looked down on and mercilessly mocked while elevating more masculine movies to prestige levels. Hopefully Barbie will be the movie that helps us see that "chick flicks" can be just as powerful and impactful as "dick flicks" and then help us reclaim hyperfemininity in our fight against the patriarchy.

After all, would it really be the worst thing in the world if the revolution was not only televised, but also pink?

Listen, if you laugh during this Barbie movie and it happens to make you question and effectively challenge the patriarchy, then all the better.

So will Barbie be that radical watershed movie that inspires a whole generation to believe that the future truly is female or will it just pay lip service to a feel-good you-go-girl message while still maintaining the status quo?

As with any seed we plant, the best we can do is nurture it, give it time, then wait and see what grows.

Come on, Barbie. Let's go party.

[simpel-is]

im insane for moonlight

this rlly is jsut me ranting so spoilers for the film pls guys watch it its so fucking good i swear ITS SOOO GOOD GUH oh and there's gonna be mentions of stuff like homophobia, sexism, bullying, ect but its bc i saw a review on the movie moonlight (2016) saying abt how female representation only amounts to 2 female characters playing stereotypes, and how chiron's queerness wasn't properly explored bc contradictions and shit like how chiron was bullied for being gay without him ever explicitly coming out like

okay

1. this movie is LITERALLY about a black man struggling with his masculine identity bc of his culture and his environment, no SHIT it only focuses on the older more parental female figures in his life

2. his mother and teresa weren't stereotypes at all??? his mother struggles being a single mom and turns to drugs as a way to cope and ends up abusing her son which yeah absolutely tragic but the movie makes a point to say she still does care abt her son even when she doesn't show it when needed (literally her forgiveness scene hello??)

and teresa is the motherly figure in this case yes but its almost nice how her char is subverted in the sense she's not blood related but still cares for chiron like her own which is very neat !! also she has more of a noticable impact on chiron during his teenage years and letting him feel a sense of self and freedom whenever he stays over imo those are two very well written female characters

(will say teresa could've had more depth but yk)

3. queerness and weakness are viewed to be the same in hypermasculine cultures idk how u couldnt get that one tbh

he gets bullied bc people around him expect him to be a more masculine more tough ver of who he is now, devaluing his innate character

honestly i get why people would watch moonlight and view it as a "queer film" but at the core queerness isn't its main focus, it's how black kids deal and cope with their masculinity in a toxic environment. chiron's queerness is only a fraction of what makes up his issues with his masculinity, but because of how being queer is used as an insult when he gets bullied and abuse, that ending scene just hits harder like that bc he finally lets go of his tough exterior, and admits to his queerness as a substitute/symbol for what he truly means, which is him wanting to shed his hypermasculine image for a more vulnerable one with kevin and its just GAHHHHH

[thaisibir]

The Niijima sisters and envy

I want to talk about the Niijima sisters AKA best girls and how their relationship stands out to me in this epic 100+ hour game. (P5R spoilers below the cut)

There's no denying that Sae is hella stunning, smart, talented, and successful.  Yet it's interesting that Makoto never shows obvious or outward signs of jealousy or resentment whenever these aspects of Sae are brought up in the games. I'm sure there was pressure or inadequacy felt on Makoto's part when the principal mentions Sae's success as a prosecutor to get Makoto to follow in her footsteps. (Dick move on the principal's part) But we never get moments like Makoto expressing wishes to be more beautiful or smart like her sister. Instead there's just that fierce, earnest sisterly love she has for Sae, a love so strong that it's the reason she joined the Phantom Thieves, and why she's willing to "fight in her corner" and say to Sae "I'm on your side." Even in times when Sae didn't really deserve it, like when she lashed out at Makoto over dinner, or as she teeters on the brink of corruption by the time of the casino palace arc. Whenever Makoto does talk about Sae, I perceive respect and admiration from her more than anything else. In the dancing game, Makoto talks about how both are trained in aikido but Sae kicks her ass every time. I never got a sense of Makoto disliking Sae for this. It's more like "my big sister is so good and I want to keep trying and work harder to be her equal one day." That's part of why I like Makoto so much. Drive, ambition, and strong work ethic are core parts of her character, but she doesn't let envy or resentment get the better of her. That's what differentiates the sisters, why one of them becomes a heroic Phantom Thief and the other is almost consumed in shadow.

Meanwhile it's Sae who's experiencing the envy. This may have come as a surprise to some people. Like I mentioned before, she's practically perfect. What does she have to be jealous of? But I've been in her shoes before. I'm an older sister who works in a high paying male-dominated field (surgery and anesthesia). My younger sister got to pursue the major and career our parents wouldn't let me do (art). With a retired mom, deceased dad, and sister + brother in-law scraping by on minimum wage, I occasionally work overtime or pick up incentive shifts to rake in extra money to support my family on top of supporting myself. The position Sae is in, the career struggles she faces as a woman in a gentleman's club, it's so, so relatable and scarily realistic. The envy an older sibling feels for the younger sibling with more freedom is something I've experienced, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. The way Sae loses her temper at Makoto and calls her useless is definitely unfair and unwarranted, but we can at least understand where she's coming from. Maybe Sae used to have Makoto's optimism when she was younger. But now she is an overworked and stressed adult, the sole breadwinner for the family, worn and beaten down to a cynical and bitter shadow of herself due to the trappings and pressures of society. The very unhealthy way she is dealing with the death of her father, and thinking of him, is certainly not helping things. (Having lost my dad unexpectedly a few years ago myself, I can't help really pitying Sae for the way she's trying to fight through life without apparently any kind of support network or healthy outlet for her emotions.) The manifestation of Shadow Sae is what happens when Makoto's pure drive and ambition become twisted and corrupted. Meanwhile Makoto is a high school student brimming with potential, free to take matters into her own hands so she can enter another dimension with her thief buddies to drive a nuclear motorcycle and punch the hell out of monsters and save and free Sae from herself. The inevitable clash of sisters is a valuable lesson, a cautionary tale, to remind us that we shouldn't lose sight of the values we hold dear, to not let the world twist us into shadows of ourselves.

All of this more or less articulates why I was so drawn to the Niijima sisters, their characters, arcs, and development as I played P5R. It's a refreshing and (in my opinion, at least) a well written portrayal of sister dynamics. I do wish there was more Sae could do and say to try making up for the harsh treatment toward Makoto after the casino palace. But hey, that's what fanfic is for.

[shipcestuous]

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beeeeee...cause I ship it (submission)

I just saw the musical version of Beetlejuice for the second time and maybe I’ve just put my incest shipping goggles on way harder since the first time, but its full of good stuff.

First, Lydia Deetz is introduced having just lost her mother Emily, and her main motivation through the story is getting her mom back. Lydia adores her mom and mentions that she is basically Emily’s clone. She resents her father because he doesn’t want to talk about Emily, while Lydia is terrified of forgetting her and letting her go. She even goes into the Netherworld in an attempt to get Emily back, because Lydia feels so lost without her.

(Honestly, the early song “Dead Mom” says it all when it comes to Lydia’s relationships with her parents.)

Speaking of, her relationship arc with her father Charles. As I mentioned, Lydia starts out resenting him because he won’t talk about her mom/his late wife. He’s trying to move on with his life–relocating them, wanting to remarry–because of his grief, while Lydia’s grief keeps her locked in the moment of Emily’s death. Lydia feels like nobody understand her, and least of all Charles. He wants her to hurry and move on, fake happiness, and be the “perfect daughter”.

When Lydia finds out her dad is engaged to the “life coach” he hired to help her, she straight up attempts suicide, she’s so upset. Obviously, it’s the straw that broke the camels back, but… shipping goggles.

Anyway, that’s when she meets Beetlejuice. There’s something to be said for the fact that she quickly latches onto a grown man who actually sees and validates the parts of her that Charles doesn’t. And that becomes suggestive when Beetlejuice wants to marry her (just so he can be brought to life–it’s like “for green card reasons,” he insists, because she’s underage and even BJ has standards). She’s not cool with that but pretends to go along with it to get to the Netherworld, for the previous Saving Dead Mom Reasons.

But! her dad follows her into the Netherworld. Even after Lydia + BJ chased him and his fiancee out of their house, he returns to “save” his daughter and even follows her into basically hell. It’s here that they become closer and really start to see each other. Charles understands his daughter’s grief and desperation, and opens up to her that the reason he wouldn’t talk about Emily is because of his own grief. Part of the reason he wanted to marry again suddenly was to provide a mom for Lydia.

They have a really sweet hug and leave the Netherworld together. Lydia obviously still misses her mom and loves her, but she no longer feels alone in the world now that she and Charles are repairing their relationship. The musical even ends on her singing “I’m home” which made me cry.

Obviously I don’t think there’s anything between them yet. Lydia’s a minor and Charles is still set on getting her a new mom. (And I do love Delia, his fiancee, as a character. I just don’t necessarily see them lasting forever.) But they have such potential. After all, Lydia reflects that she’s basically her mother's clone. I can’t help but wonder if Charles might start to see more and more of his late wife in Lydia as she gets older, and how that might change their relationship.

On a non-Deetz family-related note: when Beetlejuice first meets Adam and Barbara (the rest of our main cast), BJ fakes them out by pretending to be Adam’s long-lost father. And right after Adam tentatively buys it, BJ plants a big kiss on him. He makes at least one more “daddy” joke to Adam later in the play, too.

And Beetlejuice has bigtime mommy issues himself. He’s never felt loved by his mother–which is why he struggles to understand Lydia’s desperation to bring her own mother back. At the end of the play, Beetlejuice’s mother appears and tricks him back into the Netherworld… by feigning motherly love for him. It’s sad how eager he is to accept it. He’s an awful person, but the poor messed-up guy just wants somebody to care about him like his mom never did. It’s a sad foil to Lydia and her family.

--

Wow, this is my second post today about a play making an incest ship shippier. 

Lots of potential here, and this totally hits my father/daughter sweet spot. 

Thanks for all the details!  

[robotlesbianjavert]

Ten headcanons about spinner please

well you asked so nicely. okay!

10) i think i've already mentioned this in the past and some fics but despite what you expect from someone with reptile associations he's not anymore affected by the cold than any other warm-blooded person. and he knows it's a silly thing to get sensitive about but well when people assume he gets a bit heated!! so to say!!

9) he first learned how to use a knife, and in particular knife throwing tricks, from his mom, who is most of the born and bred country rep in his family and grew up with very little else to do and really needed a cool party trick. between her and toga, knife-throwing is his only surefire way to bond with women.

8) who is the biggest bara rep in league of legends. idk mordekaiser looks promising. in any case spinner's first glimmer of realizing that he is gay was accidentally stumbling upon LoL bara doujinshi, on the internet. somehow the continuing fascination for bara did not translate to real life where he keeps going gaga for weird skinny weirdos with disappointing t&a (UNTIL shigaraki's ujiko-provided glow-up)

7) his backup plan for going to the city after seeing stain on tv if he failed to find and join the league of villains was just to hit all the clubs and get laid. but as a virgin and hikkikomori he was very nervous about this option and was kind of relieved that he could just join a terrorist group instead.

6) i used this one in a fic too lmao. as a kid his claws were filed down regularly so that other kids and the rest of the town didn't freak out and think he was gonna gut them. cuz they're evil. as part of the headcanon of it all he does have weird hang-ups and

5) backseat gamer. like, pathological. much like myself as a child watching my stepbrothers play zelda or conker's bad fur day, he will sit over shigaraki's shoulder (and anyone else's i guess but he's literally so under-socialized he doesn't know anyone else who plays videogames irl. sad!) and be like i wouldn't have done that. you're supposed to go over there. why aren't you using all these cheat codes that i know (they don't work). thankfully shigaraki is cool with this cuz he loves to argue. i actually consider this canon enough given that we have now seen spinner hanging over shigaraki's shoulder as he's playing games.

4) were a tumblr equivalent to exist in bnhaverse spinner would have an account and he would try to be crazy stealth and not have it associated to any other social accounts ever and he would be a hater on it and you could not pay him to commit voter fraud for something against his morals (shipping polls) (he would have voted destiel!! he knows he is cas-coded!!) but he would create so many dummy accounts manually by hand HIMSELF like a hard worker to influence results as much as he could. without paying people. or getting bots. he has a pure hater soul.

3) related to the above spinner is a constant hater online. people ask him what does he ever like and he just regurgitates whatever video essay he watched recently that had a nice thing to say. but his hater stances are 100% original. not to say that he never Likes something about anything but he's dogshit at expressing it.

2) part of his issues is that he was very unintentionally detached from any other of his heteromorph-related family that he could relate to (a lot of the family was probably located in cities) aside from whatever parents or siblings, which contributed further to his feelings of isolation from the community he grew up in, and his heteromorphic traits were just enough more apparent compared to the immediate family that he was more targeted by the community he grew up in. so he's both discriminated and marginalized by the community, and has a harder time finding solace in his family to cope.

1 ) i must once again stand by spinner's hybistrophilia. like really specifically his true fantasy is a cool suave older man who does a lot of serial killing and is willing to take spinner under his wing and say ah i see you have a lot of potential. but then he fell in love with shigaraki. that's how you know it's true love. i guess you can argue that shigaraki is an old soul.

[dumb-teambucciarati-headcanons]

I’m not sure if you’re open to asks and all.

If you aren’t, ignore! If you are (and are up for it) could I get some headcanons of each Buccigang member’s reaction to hearing Narancia’s past?

Yeah I like asks, sometimes it takes me a bit to answer them.

Giorno:

-understands what it’s like to have a neglectful parent

-dwells on how him and Narancia are different. How Narancia needs support from others and has a harder time functioning without guidance and can’t handle not having anybody, where Giorno is more independent and tends to rely on himself more than others and can accept betrayal as a normal part of life. And both of those traits in them came from child neglect.

Bruno:

-has a hard time understanding how a parent could neglect their own child and not care where they end up.

-whenever Narancia gets hit in the eye during a mission, he checks up on him because he knows it’s a touchy topic.

-sometimes when he is planning on visiting his dads grave, he will take Narancia and Abbacchio along to go to Narancias moms and Abbacchios partners graves as well.

Abbacchio:

-“the police … being fucking assholes … what a surprise.” Full of sarcasm

- he uses moody blues to transform into Narancias “big brother” and then steals a cop car with him and causes all sorts of chaos.

Mista:

-“buddy, just know that I’d never tell you to wear my hat and frame you for a crime”

-tries to lighten the mood and jokes around to hide his frustration towards what he just heard. Like how could someone not genuinely enjoy being around Narancia and decide to manipulate him like that?

-also thinks about how if Narancia had been a little older and it happened around the time he himself had gotten arrested, they could’ve ended up at the same prison and played cool pranks on the cops and gotten their sentences to be longer!

Fugo:

-“so that’s why you were digging through the trash like a raccoon” has also dug through the trash like a raccoon

-can sort of understand the neglectful parent thing, but also can’t. His parents never saw him as a person, but instead objectified him and pressured him to fit this perfect role. Where Narancias dad just ignored him and never had any expectations. Both of them ended up on the street, but to him it was because he failed to fit into the perfect mold and for Narancia is was more because he preferred it to being ignored.

Trish:

-“if you tell me where your dad lives I’ll try to steal his credit card”

- hates dads that suck

-feels like she can talk to Narancia about her grief with her own mom, especially since she could relate to having a dad that didn’t seem to want her.

[fruitssalad]

I'd love to ask about other OCs but I'm BIASED for Jacinth!!! Requesting 14, 16 and 25 ♥

AHSHDH HIHII

DWDW I MISS THEM SO BAD I LOVE TO YAP🥰❤️❤️

14 - How did they initially feel after being embraced? Did they like being reborn into something knew or did it take them a while to cope with their new reality?

It took them quite a while, and I think they still aren’t fully adjusted. In only a week— they lost their life, their home, and all sense of normalcy. It was like starting from scratch, again. They, unfortunately, have become very good at rationalizing what’s happened to them and trying to plan and way forward for their friends.

I think it finally hit them when they had to lie to their mom about what was happening. Giving her a sort of goodbye, but not really goodbye until she starts to notice they aren’t getting any older. 🥹🥹

Other than the heavy stuff, they have actually taken quite a liking to alchemy and sorcery. And have really enjoyed focusing their energy and mind on that.

16 - How good are they at acting "alive"?

WELL UHH.. ABT THAT… THEY MIGHT BE AT HUMANITY 5 NOW 🫣… they were a little tooo good at rationalizing.

I think even as a plain old mortal they struggled to relate to people, sometimes. Reading cues and tones in conversation was hard as fuck for them. And making friends was harder. Now that they’re a vampire, distancing themselves from people is easier than it might be for some. Though I think they haven’t realized how far gone they are yet.

25 - How often do they cause a masquerade breach?

SO ABT THAT (x2) they maybe … did it like twice…in their first week

but listen, Francis didn’t teach us shit so is it rlly our fault 🫣

—-

HAHDDHS BUT THANK U FOR ASKING (kissing Mina on her head also🥰🫶)

[janyxbeloved]

I'm posting my silly headcanons

Here's an introduction to my genshin au, yes it's modern but I may have interpretated a few things, first of all, it's known as Modernized magic au (Acronym: MMAu)

Next hcs: Nationalities!

To start off, Venti, Zhongli, Ei & Makoto, Nahida, Furina, Murata, Tsaritsa and other god-like characters are all disguised as humans. (Makoto lives in this au)

The Fatui is the mafia for this au.

Sandrone and Dottore are related. (Uncle and niece) (Fun fact: Dottore got arrested for physical violence because he protected Sandrone)

Alrecchino and Eula are twin sisters.

Arlecchino has Spock/elf ears.

Xiangling, Xingqiu, Xu and Yelan are all siblings! (Xu is an npc but I gave him a vision, I see them as siblings)

Xiangling and Xingqiu are twins. (You cannot convince me to change this, I looked at their splasharts.)

Klee and Albedo are biological siblings. (Sue me.)

Sayu is 11 years old but she's in the eighth grade. (She's a smart kid/naturally gifted)

If there's a school play, you can always count on YunJin to operate it and it will always go according to plan.

Freminet had no friends, not until he was approached by Dori, who said she could pair him up with compatible people.

Lyney, Lynette and Freminet were all part of a travelling circus, which meant they were homeschooled by Caesar. (If you saw or played Lyney's story quest, you'd know who Caesar is, and yes, they're all biologically related in this au.)

Layla and Collei love to tease Bennett and Razor about their relationship.

Chongyun fell first but Xingqiu fell harder.

Aloy knows that Tartaglia's real job isn't a teacher. (They're siblings for a reason)

Aloy doesn't like being thrown in the dark, so when she was young, Tartaglia would often give her the attention she needs, despite the fact she was in elementary and he was in highschool, Teucer didn't mind anyway. (I feel bad for saying this since Aloy is neglected in game as well)

Furina(Focalors) had always loved Venti(Barbatos), after he "ascended" to Celestia, she believed she could never find him again... Well, she was wrong, she did find him.

Xinyan always thought why Lyney always had a face of guilt when they discuss about falling from high places. Maybe a bad memory?

HuTao watches over Qiqi since they're both adopted by Baizhu, HuTao always makes sure that Qiqi is close by or guarded by her best friends.

Kujou Sara is infertile so she adopted Bennett and YaoYao with Arataki Itto

Tsaritsa, Sucrose, Xiangling, Bennett, Dori and Diona are the student council.

Mika is a transmasc, he transitioned when he was young.

Freminet has a spade on his face as a birthmark, like his brother and sister.

Paimon, Lumine and Aether are all siblings. (I adore it when people give the three the sibling dynamic, they share a braincell.)

Chongyun has a yandere-ish side he won't show Xingqiu.

Tighnari adopted Collei and Razor before he married Cyno. (Cyno met Nari through Nilou, so technically, Cyno is a dad-dad, not stepdad.)

Nilou is the rich aunt and she places work before love so y'all know damn well she spoils her neice and nephew. (I love aroace Nilou)

Cyno and Nilou are siblings.

Arataki Itto and Kuku Shinobu are half-siblings. (Itto is about 4-5 years older than Shinobu. Itto's mom died so his dad remarried and then Shinobu came into the world, and Itto was protective of her during their highschool years)

Gaming and Chongyun are twin brothers. (Chongyun is the introvert and Gaming is the extrovert)

[nicegaai]

i'm playlist anon (is this a good name for me. i haven't decided on what a good name would be for me yet)... okay i LOVED your response it brought me such giddy like you can't even imagine. i've been listening to your playlist too and it fits with them so much??? like my playlist is mostly "easy listening while reading" tbh but yours is way more character appropriate (which i guess makes sense because you're the writer). i added a new song to my playlist though. more swedish english-language indie.

anyways i think the thing i'm most curious about right now in terms of your past decisions: why did you switch timo from an only child to someone with siblings? in general, how would you characterize the sibling dynamics (other than sig and emil's, but you could talk about that as well ;]) in ThR? [i'm on my computer now. no more thorns.] another thing is: where do you actually characterize the story being? i'm personally imagining they're all diaspora in some sort of midwestern (north dakotan/minnesotan) suburb and cookie salad (which i've been told is the premier minnesotan salad) is at the periphery of being mentioned in the fic. but i want to hear your thoughts.

i saw u made an acct (second acct? burner acct?) and i can call u by that url if u want :3 playlist anon is also good! whatever u r comfortable with. pick an emoji if u like, for shorthand...

anyone making any kind of art based off of sm i made is like a dreammmmm im honored i inspired u!!!!!! thank u for TELLING ME that i did, that took some guts im sure and im really so so happy!!!!!!! i luv the easy vibe of it, ill absolutely be listening again to hear the updated version!

QUESTIONS I LOVE QUESTIONS. I HOPE U LIKE LONG ANSWERS! OK :

anyways i think the thing i'm most curious about right now in terms of your past decisions: why did you switch timo from an only child to someone with siblings?

i have a very long answer to this one bc i am a chronic overthinker

i wanted berwald to be an only child to a single mom for character reasons. i finally got into his head and i was like ohhh . it has to be this.

imagining timo as a little flamboyant gay boy with a supportive older sister makes me happy

i went down a wiki rabbit hole at some point about the sapmi people and i concluded that if she was related to anyone, it would be fin

i drafted a post canon one shot where ber's only-childness was a plot point and i think i worked backward from that revelation

in general, how would you characterize the sibling dynamics (other than sig and emil's, but you could talk about that as well ;]) in ThR [i'm on my computer now. no more thorns.]

HEHEHE. well... i think everyone else is normal.

mads has his two kid siblings and he is more than 10 yrs older than both of them ... the kind of age gap where hes closer to a third parent or uncle

timo grew up as a gay boy w an older sister. their sibling dynamic is normal if not uncommonly positive.

ber doesnt have siblings but he grew up surrounded by cousins so in a way they are his siblings. i think thats part of why the whole Thing is harder on him. plus the internalized homophobia and some other reasonable objections.

emil and sig are idk... very distant emotionally. they grew apart pretty dramatically once they stopped hanging out as kids and nothing was able to bridge that gap. until now! ... i havent thought much ab their precanon relationship much if im honest. im fixated on their unhealthy future codependency :)

another thing is: where do you actually characterize the story being? i'm personally imagining they're all diaspora in some sort of midwestern (north dakotan/minnesotan) suburb and cookie salad (which i've been told is the premier minnesotan salad) is at the periphery of being mentioned in the fic. but i want to hear your thoughts.

i feel called out omg... yeah, if this is set in the usa, it would be in north dakota. ive never been to the midwest in my life though and i dont know anything about how people live there so im not going to throw in anything culturally specific to the region. except for my largely midwest emo inspo playlists. lmao

the thing is i also in my heart want it to plausibly be set IN one of the nordic countries but choosing one is favoritism so its all vague on purpose. for instance whenever i said "football" = can be whatever sport comes to mind, both are valid interpretations. but i am american and americabrained so trying to make something culturally neutral really just defaults to Somewhereville, USA

tldr they live in some small town wherever u think would be funniest

sorry im kind of tired these answers mght be incomplete or rambly but i want to answer this ask so bad

[scrylirious]

i just need people to know that i regard timothy drake with the same disdain and respect that i felt growing up with my older brothers.

like— i can’t help but love you. its quite literally out of my control. biology and instinct outweigh my desire to see you shipped off to a faraway country where i’ll never have to see you again. all of my friends have crushes on you but they dont know that you call them my “dumb baby friends” and joke about scaring the shit out of them at my sleepovers. girls try to befriend me just to get closer to you and i don’t know why. stop stealing my socks. you’ll still play barbies with me if i beg hard enough, but you dont play correctly. why do you have to pretend to shoot my barbie? you both like each other more than you like me and i battle with wanting to be liked the most. you make me a bowl of ramen without asking when you make one for yourself. sometimes you talk to me outside of my classroom and sometimes you ignore me in the hallway. everyone knows we’re related and they can’t figure out why we beat on each other. you tripped me in front of mom and laughed. i hit you with the strap of my backpack and you laughed harder. why are you the two funniest people i know? i love you so much. i hate you. stop using my toothbrush. dad called and said you need to change my oil for me. i cant keep doing your math homework for you. thanks for letting me sleep in your bed tonight. get the fuck out of my room. which one of you stole my charger? please don’t ever kick me out of the group chat. i wish you’d stop growing up and move back.

i dont feel like i explained it very well. tim drake is essentially not a character i would willingly choose to like or read about or write about. i cant escape the instinct to love him. i find him insufferable. i cant help but enjoy him. i like what he becomes when i write him. i want to see him squirm under a microscope. most fic writers do him a huge disservice by not leaning into his messiness. the idea that he’s some beautiful little twink is absurd. i love him by proxy of dick and jason and damian and cass. he grates my nerves and i am obsessed with that feeling. i wanna strangle him. i cant help but adore him. dick grayson loves him, how can i not? i wish jason and damian would break his arm.