2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

I like to think that thanks to Jason's death, Dick's hair became straighter and let it grew bacause he couldn't care less. He was trying to be a good brother to Tim tho, and Timmy was trying to also be a good brother but you know, he was doing the best a little kid could know.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Yo so uhm imagine if one day the JL kinda got intrigued about the whole Robin and Batman type of thing so it will all go like this:

Bruce with Robin under his cape(Damian):

Barry; OKAY THAT'S IT I'LL TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM, WHO IS THAT KID?

Bruce, unfazed: That's Robin, you've seen him a million times.

Oliver: Yeah but like, Isn't Robin a blonde little girl?

Arthur: Blonde???what planet are you even living in? That kid is literally more slender and taller than what I remembered

Diana: Oh, you mean the kid that was always in the library? I tend to find him reading all on his own.

Clark: I don't think that's him..he tends to be more hyper, always doing flips and lots of energy.

Barry: Could you just explain, Bruce?

Bruce: I birthed him.

JL:

Clark: do you need a co-parent?

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

actually do you think when Damian gets in trouble at school and is called into the principal’s office he has to call for a family member to show up but Tim is the only one available and so he comes down to the school and walks into the office talking about how this needs to be quick because he has about three meetings he’s running late for-

the principal just kinda squints for a second and is like ‘aren’t you also one of my students?’

and Tim starts sweating. ‘what? no, i dropped out like six months ago’

‘i don’t remember you dropping out.’

‘well i less dropped out and more stopped showing up because i had to work-‘

‘that is no excuse, Timothy Jackson Drake.’

three hours later Bruce finally finishes whatever mission he was dealing with and has to go down to the school because now the principal wont let Tim leave without a guardian either. Bruce walks in with Tim’s emancipation papers to prove that he is indeed no longer a student and sees his two youngest sat in the corner, Damian shaking his head at Tim in pure disappointment while Tim hangs his head in humiliated shame and the principal talks about the consequences of missing six months worth of classes.

Damian tells the story over dinner and Dick and Jason both laugh so hard they start choking on their food

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Imagine if some Gothamites actually has this some sort of small fandoms within the internet where they actually argue who bruce/batman's lover actually is or who's ship seems to be more canon.(But with a twist cuz batkids would literally get in to this type of stuff)

Dick with a username "@ nightwingluvr6000": NO NO LISTEN LISTEN. CATWOMAN?? AND BATMAN?? DEF A PERFECT COMBO. I WAS LITERALLY THERE AND SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES.

Jason "@ ykredhood69": OGs will know that Hal Jordan actually casually flirts with the batman from that one clip..outdid all of your faves smh.

Steph "@ thatpurplegirl": Screw all your ships, have you seen the chemistry between two face and batman? THE TENSION WAS THERE. IT WAS SO VISIBLE I COULD SEE IT IN THE AIR.

Cass "@ pitchpancake": Pussies, have you seen the way he and that one guy interviewer flirts with each other?they literally take the whole damn cake out of all of this.

Damian "@damiedraws" : imagine arguing the dumbest sh1t on the internet like unemployed fools with nothing better to do with their lives than argue like 7 year olds. Real ones know that SuperBat is the realest out there, much more real and clear than your 20/20 vision.

Duke, reading the entire beef on twitter: Wow, i expected you to side with Dick or even ship Bruce to your own mother but never expected you to be a superbat fan.

Damian: He treats me ice cream.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Dick, to the Titans: OK this is my little brother, everyone has to be so nice to him!

Jason, 6'4, built like a double fridge and holding a gun: Hey.

The Titans:

Years later.

Dick, to the Titans again: OK this is my even littler brother, everyone be super super nice to him!

Duke, 6'2, built like a linebacker and lit up like a glo stick: Yo.

The Titans:

Years after that.

Dick, again, to the Titans: OK this is my littlest baby brother, everyone has to be so sweet to him! He's a baby!

Damian, 18 and 6'0, made of pure muscle and holding a sword: Greetings.

The Titans: ...where are you finding these brothers.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Bruce and Dick having an actual break down because Damian just told them then he has another brother.

Bruce: Is he still living with Thalia?

Damian: I think so, the last time i saw him he was in the league with me.

Dick: And how old is he?

Damian who just take in caunt the years Jason have since he came out of the pit.

Damian: like 3.

Tim: only shit. But wait his father is also Bruce?

Damian: Obviously.

Bruce all ready thinking of a thousand plans to get his new son out of the league of assassins.

Damian: I don't understand your confusion, he seemed to already know who all of you are and he doesn't have a single drop of affection for you. I would say he hates you all.

Bruce starting to get alarmed because how does his son who he doesn't even know already hate him?

In other part of the city an angry Jason is planning his revenge but suddenly a sneeze make him have chills

Jason: I feel like someone is talking about me and i don't like it.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Lex Luthor hates Superman, Lex Luthor hates the Justice League, bla bla bla… You know who Lex must really hate? Bruce Wayne.

Because he knows that bitch is Batman. He’d worked it through that big brain of his and he’s without a doubt certain that the same idiot who spilled champagne on him last New Year’s Eve moonlights as the Batman.

But he can’t fucking prove it. So he’s resigned to a lifetime of having to make stilted conversation filled with double meaning while Brucie just flutters his eyelashes and pretends to be a ditz. And Lex just has to sit there and take it, because Bruce knows that Lex knows and absolutely uses that knowledge to fuck with Alex at every opportunity—he says the absolute shittest, godawful pickup lines and flirts to his heart’s content, knowing full well that he helped Superman kick Lex’s ass last week and that Lex knows it was him.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Nightwing and Robin Jason: On your mark, get set g-

Batman: No

Nightwing: No? No, what? You don't even know what we're?!

Batman: You two were about to try and race across the rooftops

Nightwing: And? We do it all the time

Batman: And, they're covered in ice from freezing rain

Robin Jason: So? We fought Mr. Freeze last week, and we're still alive

Batman: [glares]

Dick: Ugh, fine. We won't have ANY fun

Batman: [turns around]

Nightwing:

Robin Jason:

Nightwing and Robin Jason: [glance at each other]

Nightwing and Robin Jason: [whispering] Go

[Both start running]

-

[Later]

Dick: [sitting on the couch with his ankle in a cast] Consequences, gotta be my top three least favorite parts of my actions

Jason: [sitting next to him with his arm in a cast] Big brothers, gotta be the top three worst people to listen to when they say they have a fun idea

Dick: You're just grumpy because YOU fell down first

Jason: [hits him with a pillow]

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

When the League meets Baby Robin(Dick), they are genuinely surprised, as it seems impossible that Batman is raising this little ray of sunshine who appeared from between his cape and then proceeded to greet them with the brightest smile they've all ever seen, completely adoring Superman, saying how great Wonder Woman is, and actually laughing at Barry's jokes.

Bruce takes care of his work, but occasionally stops to, in fact, help Robin who is trying to do his English homework. The other members also help out, of course.

So, Hal arrives at the Watchtower, and Robin, seeing the man his dad mentor has been so grumpy about because of the last meeting they had (Hal doesn't understand that Batman is the best at his job and is the one giving directions for a reason, duh!), decides he will exact revenge.

He carries on a normal conversation with the man just as he did with everyone else, subtly leading the topic until Hal falls into the trap:

Hal: What about your mom? I can't imagine anyone putting up with the old bat.

He speaks with all mockery, but then his smile freezes when he sees the tremor in the little boy's shoulders.

Dick: *shuddering and holding back a little sob* my mummy died in front of me a few months ago.... I...

Hal is pale now, because the child actually sobs, and runs off to hide in the cape of Batman, who was now standing, ready to stitch up his child.

He's not the only one, Superman and the others are already there too, looking at him angrily because he made the little bean cry.

Hal is in a panic.

And if he sees how the boy smiles at him when no one is looking, sticking his tongue out at him while moving his lips to send him the message "Don't bother my dad", no one would ever believe him, not while the little boy is now clinging to Batman tightly as he slowly blinks away tears that not even the best actors could ever pull off.

Only Hal knows the devil behind that angel face.

Batman knows it too, but he adores his precious little demon.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Do we think when Cass found out about Boxing Day she was like ‘yes finally a holiday for me’ and just spent the entire 26th beating the shit out of criminals

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Spoiler, Batgirl, all hug their teams after missions, check in, make sure they’re fine, because its what Bruce would do, what Batman did, after a rough patrol, or a difficult mission, he’d crush them close, ensure their safety, check in afterwards because maybe the mission was a little harsher and more trying so Bruce was a little more bitchy and he just wants to check in, make sure they’re good, make sure his kids are okay, that they’re safe, and the League sees this happen and is like “where did crime lord Red Hood learn this?” to just hug his teammates after battle? Weird. And then they all are like- “wait batman doesn't hug yall after battle?” And the League is like “wtf no????” and yeah…

I just want the kids to be the tadest bit oblivious to the fact that their Batman is also their Dad and is not the League’s Batman.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

How I imagine Tim coming out to Kon is like-

Tim during a stake out alone, connecting his comms to Kons since he knows the other boy is also doing a patrol right now and he can do that.

Kon: Hey Tim! What's up?

Tim: Just bored- got offered up for a stake out and no one wanted to join me.

Kon: Ha! I would offer to join you but-

Tim: Batman's rule of no metas, yeah yeah I know.

*Pause of silence as Kon gets into a small fight with someone.*

Tim awkwardly: So..since we are currently taking..thought I should let you know- I'm bisexual. I've already told my family and know I just need to tell friends and-

Kon stopping him before Tim can go on a rant: I love you too.

Tim: What?!

Kon: ...

Tim: ...

The Batfam who was in the cave and definitely listening in on the comms: ...

Dick and Jason: *Dying laughing*

Damian: *disgusted sounds*

Bruce: *Confused dad sounds*

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Jason (breaking into titians tower to kill Tim): square up

Tim (who holding a mug and the coffee pot): Hold on.

Precedes to chug the whole coffee pot then chucks it at Jason’s head.

The fight that ensures is the most feral, intense fight any of the Titian’s have ever seen.

Jason: You missed an opening there. You could have hit me when my chest was exposed.

Tim: Look at your foot work, I could have knocked you over.

Jason: Nice hit, if you commit more with the follow through then you’ll have more power.

The Titian’s are watching trying to decide if they should step in or sit back and enjoy the show.

Jason (is through to the ground and has Tim’s staff pointed at his neck): I’m impressed. You are pretty good for a replacement.

Tim: Well I have big shoes to fill.

Jason: Breakfast?

Tim: Pancakes?

Jason: Have strawberry syrup?

Then they get up, move to the kitchen like nothing happened and just start making pancakes.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

damian: well I’m the blood son

tim: bruce chose us, you were thrust onto him by no choice

jason: to be fair he didn’t pick tim either

dick: he picked me under weird circumstances, I honestly think Jay is the only one he actually chose, like one of those strays at the shelter

jason: I’m going to fucking kick your ass

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

Bruce: So, the CEO of United Healthcare was shot and killed

Jason: What? Why's everyone looking at me?

Bruce: Did you do it?

Jason: WHAT? Do you really think I would do something like that?

Dick: Yes

Tim: Yes

Damian: Yes

Steph: Yes

Cass: Yess

Jason: ....without telling everyone? If that was me I would be shouting it from the rooftops.

Bruce: Just tell me if you killed the CEO or not

Jason: Bitch I'll kill a CEO right now if you don't start acting right.

[2d-beefcakes-my-beloveds]

The UGLIEST

WITH TINSEL

AND POM-POMS

Pov: You're a Gotham criminal in December