#it’s great it relieves a LOT of the grocery anxiety

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Shoutout to my school’s food bank; I actually have snacks to eat instead of just enough meals to get by. Plus I got care items like shampoo, conditioner, and toilet paper.

[theelizamanelli]

Tengoku

Reina Iyashi wants a normal, mundane existence until Satoru Gojo takes a special interest in her uncanny ability to bring people back to life (or so Itadori says) and offers her a job as his assistant at Jujutsu High. Tags: 18+, satoru gojo x female oc, boss x assistant, golden retriever x black cat, forced proximity, slow burn, eventual smut, romance, blood and violence, implied/referenced suicide and child death link to all chapters link to ao3

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Chapter Four

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The gray carpet extended through the open concept living room, giving way to a wall of windows overlooking Tokyo. Reina ran her hand along the marble of the kitchen, admiring the stainless steel appliances. She hadn’t realized that Jujutsu High freely provided their employees with such lucrative benefits.

The flat screen television sat untouched in the corner, the plush couch taunting her to lay down. Her day consisted of unpacking her office and chastising Satoru Gojo, the latter she had determined would soon become a regular occurrence. 

Exhaustion had seeped into her bones and threatened to burst from her. Reina was in desperate need of a shower and a long sleep. She would freely admit that though he continued to irritate her, Gojo had relieved a great deal of anxiety. She no longer worried about how she would be able to afford rent or groceries. 

The keys had sat neatly on her office desk when she had returned from her earlier outburst. A note, in what she had assumed was Gojo’s handwriting, with the address and a “Welcome home! (* ^ ω ^)” - met with a sigh and a roll of her eyes.

Carrying the one remaining box through the apartment, Reina had noticed two rooms across the hall from one another. One was noticeably decorated with a masculine aesthetic in mind. The secondary area appeared more neutral therefore she placed her stuff on its desk. 

Unpacking her things neatly, it took her little time to finish the job. Setting out her clothes post shower, she slowly made her way to the attached bathroom.

The hot water cascaded down her back and massaged out knots she hadn’t realized were there. Relishing in the warmth, she spent extra care on the rest of her body. She had neglected parts of her routine over the last few weeks from stress, not realizing to what extent until it took her a few passes with her razor to get the skin smooth. 

Washing out the conditioner from her hair before using a rose scented body wash, she finally stepped out of the shower. Wrapping herself in a towel she proceeded to open the door into the hallway. Embarking on a short journey to the kitchen for a drink.

The idea of dancing naked in the living room in front of the windows sprinted through Reina’s mind before she shook it off. It would be her luck that someone in a building diagonal would have the perfect view into the apartment, effectively ruining all privileges the lonely lodging gave her.

The sound of the refrigerator opening forced Reina to stop in the shadow of the hallway, creeping softly to peer around the corner. She didn’t have her kaiken but the vase sitting on the end table nearest to her would have to do. Slowly slipping it off the table, she held it up in preparation and sprung forward with a cry.

A deep laugh rumbled from the dark kitchen, the light from the fridge illuminated white hair and reflected off familiar glasses.

“What an unexpected greeting, Iyashi. Should I return the favor? I did get quite dirty today.” He chuckled softly as he placed the juice carton back into the fridge.

“What are you doing here?” Reina asked sternly, still holding the vase in the air prepared to strike. 

“This is my apartment.” He said, turning slowly towards her. Gojo’s eyes dropped quickly to the edge of the towel where it barely covered her thighs.

Reina, too angry to pay attention, barked “No, it’s my apartment. It was part of the agreement.” 

“I am away on business a lot, Iyashi. I need someone to take care of the place while I’m not here. Seemed the perfect fit. You need a place to live. I need a roommate.” He picked up his belongings from the counter and began to walk towards Reina.

She quickly lifted the vase higher, implying she intended to hit him if he got any closer.

“You can put the vase down, you’re safe.” He said before attempting to go around her.

“Am I?” She muttered to herself, placing the vase back down on the end table in defeat. 

Gojo pushed the door to his room open, placing his belongings on the desk before walking to his closet. 

Without thought, Reina barged in after him shouting, “Hey, I’m not done talking to you, pretty boy!”

“I’m listening,” mused Gojo as he slid his jacket off and placed it in the bin.

Reina faltered momentarily before continuing, “I told you I’m not your maid. I’m not your slave.”

“I never asked you to be, though the thought of you in that outfit will surely keep me up at night.” He chuckled and pulled his shirt off, leaving his abs on display.

Her slight intake of breath kept her from replying immediately, she couldn’t deny that his back was mesmerizing - distracting at the very least. 

“Well, good, I won’t be mistreated by a narcissist who thinks everyone will bend to his will.” She nodded her head with conviction.

“I wouldn’t expect any less.” Gojo straightened up and turned towards her, hands on his belt as he proceeded to loosen it. “Now, Iyashi, could you please put on something a little less distracting before I get carried away?” 

A blush spread from the back of her neck, kissing her cheeks. She had forgotten that she was still in the towel, standing in his bedroom as he was undressing.

Reina squeaked a curt goodbye and fled the room. 

She had expected to be angrier with him that he hadn’t been honest about her living arrangements but couldn't find it in herself. She was unsure if it was due to how exhausted she was or if she had grown to expect it from Gojo - even though she’d only known him for a few days.

The idea of living with someone had ignited a portion of Reina’s heart that she had forgotten existed - the desire for companionship. She grimaced at the thought of enjoying cohabitating with Gojo, of all people. 

Reina dried her hair and finished her night time routine, falling back onto her bed with a soft plop. She could hear the light footsteps of Gojo from the kitchen back to the bedroom, it paused outside of her door.

“Goodnight, Iyashi! Sweet dreams!” He shouted through the door.

Reina found herself smiling before whispering “Goodnight, Gojo.”

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Managing Gojo’s life proved rather difficult in the weeks to come. Pleadings from all over the country flooded her desk in search of his help. Reina had to weigh them in order of severity and urgency before delivering them. 

He was consistently complimentary of how easily she had acclimated to the job. Though she continued to claim it was rather straightforward, he could have hired anyone. 

The typically lighthearted man continued his studies with his students, in his free time exorcizing the curses within the area. Playing the part of confident and fun loving Gojo-sensei, never taking his hands from his pockets as he finishes off deadly curses within minutes of arrival.

There was a side of Gojo that bubbled to the surface in the moments where she delivered new cases, a quiet and contemplative one. He reviewed the information, treating each with a seriousness she had not yet grown accustomed to.  

It had become abundantly apparent that the world relied on Gojo in a way that one could only assume was devastatingly heavy. 

Yet he carried himself as if he expected no less.

In a few rare moments, Reina found herself feeling both sorry for and proud of Satoru Gojo. 

——————————————————————————————————

Reina ripped open the envelope sitting on her desk to reveal its contents, the compelling recount of a curse that had plagued a family on the outskirts of Tokyo. A father, mother, five year old daughter, and sixteen-month old son. The letter revealed that the little girl had perished by the hands of the curse the day prior, they were begging for their lives.

She was unfortunately overly familiar with death. It was a natural consequence of this line of work and she read letters daily of families that were haunted by monsters. 

This would not be the first or last family to perish at the hands of a curse.

Gojo was out of town on another case rendering him unavailable, there was a part of Reina that felt the familiar twinge of disappointment realizing she would have to draft a condolences letter. 

She grabbed her bag from the desk, the images of a little girl splattered in blood flashed across her vision. She gripped the edge of the chair for balance, gritting her teeth.

Reaching for the two kaikens attached to her thighs - ensuring their location had not changed - Reina headed out the doors and in the opposite direction of the apartment, towards the train station. 

Verifying the address upon arrival, she reached for the door and knocked lightly. A young woman answered, keeping the space between the frame and the wood small. 

With barely an eye visible through the opening the woman whispered, “How can I help you?”

“My name is Reina Iyashi, I’m here to help you with your problem.” she answered softly with a small smile. 

The woman’s eyes widened as she closed the door, the sounds of locks unclasping slipping through the cracks. She pulled the door open wide and Reina noted her pregnant belly.

“Oh, God. Thank you!” The woman cried and wrapped both arms around her. Reina had never been good at accepting public displays of affection. Her body stiffened in her arms and she lightly patted the woman’s side with her free arm. 

“Where does it stay?” She asked quietly, her eyes darting around for any signs of the curse.

The young woman pointed to the top of the hill, the building sitting in its wake appeared overrun and unkempt. “When we moved here they said a woman drowned her two kids in that building and then slit her wrists in the tub. We were warned that a lot of strange things happened in the neighborhood but we thought…” She sniffled. “Well, we thought it was just talk…we never…”

Reina placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, keeping an appropriate distance between them in hopes she wouldn’t hug her again, “You didn’t know. Take solace in the fact that she is safe and not in pain. You did everything you could.”

Without waiting for a response, Reina turned and headed up the hill.

——————————————————————————————————

chapter five

[rosesgrownbytheseaside]

tw- pet death, mental health.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Hey angels.

Things have not been great for me, in all honesty.

I know my activity on here has been a little up and down lately, and I wanted to apologize. I’m hoping to fix it, but I’m unsure of how well that’ll go for me right now.

I’ve been struggling a lot as of recent with eating. I won’t go into detail on that, it’s not hospital level or anything, I’m alright. It’s just depressing loosing a lot of recovery progress. I’ve been falling back into a depression, but I’m very thankful to have S with me to help. I often feel like a burden, and I’m embarrassed to even exist with others. I feel like an outsider 24/7. I’m sure it’s just my anxiety. No need to worry.

Yesterday, my oldest dog started to really have issues. I’m not ignorant. I know he doesn’t have much time left. I’ve had him since I was about 6 years old. It’s weighing my heart down right now, it’s harder to sleep than usual. He’s a basset hound, the loudest dog I’ve ever met. I’ve grown up with him, and it almost feels as though my childhood is over by him passing. Reality sets in, and he’s older with his powdered face, and I’m an adult now. I don’t know how I’ll handle it. I’m trying to do right now is make him as comfortable as possible and making sure he feels loved. It’s extremely painful to see him suffer, I wish I could just soothe all of it. I miss seeing him run around the coffee table, roll around on the gray rug, chase after my mom bringing in the groceries. I wish I could take all his pain and relieve him.

I’m not planning on leaving or anything, just a heads up if I start to really get inactive.

I love You all, and don’t forget to take time to appreciate and take care of yourself. ♥︎👼🫶

[panuccispizza]

Hi, you said to send you an ask if anyone has more ideas for the neurodivergent aid post - Maybe weighted blankets sold by IKEA? IKEA is available in a lot of places, they have different weight options, the product is called ODONVIDE.

ohh!! this is a great idea, thank you!! hope you don't mind I expanded on this with more weighted items.

here's a link to the 13.2lb twin size, they also come in 17.6lbs and 22.1lbs, just going off the Google ads.

here's an alternative link to a cheaper option from target, these can also be in the store but im sure the price fluctuates. my app currently says this one is $30 but it's set to my store, it can be different based off location, availability, and eventually when the deal ends or begins again.

there are many Amazon listings for different weighted blankets, as well as options on Etsy.

( image description: a general weighted blanket guide chart comparing the users body weight to the blanket weight, for safe use for the individual, or couple. general rule is your blanket being 10% of your body weight. /end description )

if blankets are not the product for you, but you still want something weighted;

Amazon has weighted hoodies, I know I'd personally enjoy this a Lot more.

Etsy, Amazon, and maybe even a local grocery store near you has weighted and/or microwavable plushies. please check the product information before you put your plushie in the microwave.

I don't have a weighted heating pad myself, but when my cat lays on me I know in my heart it would've helped me so much with my PMDD when i was still menstruating.

i can't find a weighted version of my favorite fidget toy(the tangle, if anyone knows that one exists lmk!) but I recall Markiplier reviewing fidget toys and his #1 favorite was the ONO roller, and he said it was rather weighty. I don't actually watch Markiplier since gaming YouTube isn't my thing but I trust his opinion.

ok I'm running out of ideas here. hand weight to help your fine motor skills in your hand, if you have shakey hands. there are a lot of disabled people out here who I believe would benefit from something like this, especially if you're someone who does crafts with their hands such as crochet.

since I've already gotten one angry anon, I am not sponsored or making any sort of money off any of this.

[studentabode]

Self-Care Tips for Students Living Away from Home

Staying in student accommodation is a wonderful and also very complex experience that has its unique benefits in many spheres of a person’s life. But it usually has its own difficulties connected with the freedom it provides. In other words, regular interaction impacts one’s ability to balance a student’s daily schedules, education, social life, and personal welfare all of which are determinants of good health. Looking after you – psychologically and materially – whilst also learning how to establish time-efficient and effective study habits helps to foster the best environment in which to grow as a person and a student, during the university years.

Below you find the guide to self-care measures amid helpful tips for students who study far from home to remain healthy, vigilant, and in harmony.

1. Establish a Daily Routine

To survive the chaos of the world and the endless pressures that come with it, sticking to a constant routine is a primary way to give something solid to your self-care. Lacking a familiar setting plus family members to guide you through your daily schedules creates a great risk of falling into unhealthy patterns. That, in turn, will disturb your sleep habits, cause an inappropriate diet, and decrease your productivity. To begin the process, the first step is:

 Establishing a regular sleep schedule will ensure you rest for 7-8 hours at night.

 Fixing specific times for study, meals, exercise, and leisure.

 Make regular pauses to avoid overuse.

Of course, a schedule does not mean that you should be invariable; it is the harmony you have developed for yourself that helps you reach your goals in an unobtrusive and structured way.

2. Prioritize Healthy Eating

Away from home, students have cooked meals only very rarely; fast food prepared foods are their only choice. While easier, this process not only leads to a severe energy drop overall but also results in a lack of focus. You can still keep a healthy diet by:

 Cooking the meat in advance to avoid confusion and opt for the more nutritious meals.

 Consuming fruits, vegetables, and whole grains in your diet.

 Staying the whole day well hydrated by drinking water in sufficient amounts.

If you're not comfortable cooking, learn them at home, buy them with roommates, or turn the process into a social activity.

3. Stay Physically Active

Physical activity is not just for fitness; it is also a wonderful stress reliever and mood enhancer. However, no matter how busy the schedule is, make time for exercise:

 Enter a local fitness center, or a yoga class, or join sports clubs.

 Discover your neighbourhood or dormitory area through walking or cycling.

 Use short home workouts or fitness apps as they are convenient.

The routine of regular exercise makes one more focused, helps with sleep quality, and generally improves health.

4. Maintain Mental Health

Being far away from home brings feelings of loneliness especially when presently, one is in a different city or country. Your mental health care should be based on:

 Reducing stress and anxiety by doing mindfulness practice or meditation.

 Journalizing your thoughts to give you clarity and insight into your feelings.

 Keeping in touch with family and friends actively through regular calls or video conversations.

If you are under a lot of stress, you should talk to online mental health resources or campus counselling services.

5. Manage Your Finances Wisely

Of course, financial stress can cause a difficult problem in your life which will impact your well-being. Budgeting is the first step towards self-care for students who are living independently. Start by:

 Making a monthly budget for rent, groceries, transportation, and leisure.

 Controlling your expenses by apps so as not to overspend.

 Discovering student discounts and deals to save money.

Fiscal responsibility not only stresses relief but also enables you to make the right decisions about your lifestyle.

6. Build a Support System

No longer living at home is not synonymous with handling everything on your own. Produce a support network to help you adapt and flourish:

 Get in touch with roommates or neighbours—your immediate source of support will be your friends.

 Engage in clubs, societies, or events on campus to befriend similar people.

 Make paper communication or visit a mentor or advisor for academic guidance.

Good contact with a strong family can provide a sense of grounding and fewer pangs of homesickness.

7. Create a Comfortable Living Space

Where you stay has a direct correlation to your health in general. Turn your living space into a sanctuary by:

 Customizing it with memorable pictures, home decor, or personal items that remind you of your home.

 Making it look good and properly ordered to make you feel less anxious.

 Keeping your place a calm spot where you can rest and re-energize.

A cosy surrounding community gives you a sense of safety and harmony in the environment, which allows you to settle down easily in the new place.

8. Balance Work and Leisure

Though academics take precedence, nothing but toil can exhaust a person. Add leisure time to your daily schedule:

 Get acquainted with the new city and culture.

 Enjoy your favourite series, read a book, or take up a new hobby.

 Make time to hang out with your friends and relieve stress.

To strike the right work-leisure balance is one of the ways to sustain your motivation and prevent boredom from creeping into your life.

9. Learn to Say No

We can easily be overwhelmed in the face of social events, extracurricular programs, and academic responsibilities. Implement boundaries so that you will not be stretched beyond your limit. Saying no politely to obligations that are not critical to life enables you to focus on and give prime importance to your health and well-being.

10. Celebrate Your Achievements

Leading an own life is a major development and it is one of the essential rules to celebrate your victories, whether they are of larger or smaller scale. It can be anything, from getting an excellent grade on a test or cooking your first meal to just successfully contending with a difficult day. Do not forget to take a moment to appreciate your efforts and progress.

How Student Tenant Supports Self-Care

At Student Tenant, we realize that life away from home may be both exhilarating and intimidating. The rationale for this is that we are just one of the means for providing accommodations - besides our support network; the transition process is made easier.

The student housing options we have approved are meant to give you a safe, pleasant, and community-based environment to live in. Thanks to services such as 24/7 support, innovative facilities, and close distance to campuses, we are here to help you concentrate on the things that mean the most to you: your overall health and studies.

To us at Student Tenant, the basis of self-care is first choosing the right spot to call home, and we are here to help you navigate every step of the way. The concept of self-care is not a popular buzzword; rather, it is crucial when a person steps out of their comfort zone to live, regardless of the problems associated with it. Integrating self-care activities directly into your schedule can assist you in achieving a proper and sustainable student lifestyle. This means that by coming up with those plans meant to ensure that you get a better body, you always lay a good foundation for the future. Even the students will be armed with the right support that comes in the form of functional and comfortable student rooms, for example, to perform well both in their persona as well as academically.

[bipolaritea]

Big Events Inside Ordinary Days

Nothing of import happened today. But it was a big day for me.

Today was one of those days where I realized that everything has changed while still, somehow, being the same. I had a doctor's appointment this morning. It was my six-week-check-in-are-you-ready-to-go-back-to-work-visit. Our family doctor has been consistently great throughout our ups and downs. She's been extra supportive of me as a caregiver, noting that the whole family falls if I fall. To be clear, she's not pushing me to go back to work, I am. I feel like I'm letting my colleagues down by being away for so long. However, I also know that I'm not really ready to go back. Thinking about it makes me feel anxiety and today's visit came with added homework from my therapist. My assignment was to ask my doctor what the benchmarks were for my return to work, and then to share what my concerns were about returning. Long story short, we had an honest discussion about the likelihood that I've got PTSD, the need for a referral to psychiatry to look at a medication tweak for me, and how I need some stability at home before she can determine how I'm doing. In other words, we need to get everyone in a healthy place for a while so I can catch my breath and recover from prolonged caregiving in crisis. So, basically not anytime soon. It was a huge relief to hear it because now I don't have to worry. The decision is out of my hands and I know the metrics. I was relieved that she agreed regarding PTSD. This last round of mental health crises for my family really shed light on how intense it can be. That done, I did a little self-care. I bought myself a breakfast sandwich and coffee and stopped at a local park to eat alone and process the appointment. I took a few minutes to message some friends, and then I enjoyed watching the dog walkers come and go with their pups. After that, I went home, put away a few groceries that my husband picked up on his errands, and excused myself for a nap. Physically I'd done nothing, but mentally I was drained. I slept for almost three hours and had the most intense dream about visiting every home I had ever lived in growing up. Clearly, I was longing for the connection and safety to home by going to the places where I felt most safe and protected. My husband woke me up before I could sleep the rest of the day away and we went to the gym. I doubled up the self-care there by reading a trashy romance on my phone while doing cardio on the bike. Whatever works, right? Home from the gym, I took the dogs out bag for a run. We have some fresh snow so I took them into the woods a little bit and let them sniff around and play while I sat on a fallen log. There were rabbit tracks in the snow, squirrel footprints, and a whole lot of quiet, save for the noise my pups made plodding through the small drifts. Nothing really happened today. A doctor's visit confirmed the things I secretly already knew, and a whole lot of self-care backfilled in to pass the rest of it. But it still feels like something important shifted. I asked some questions I'd been afraid to ask and then gave myself space with the answers. As time passes, I wonder if the trajectory of my history will determine that today wasn't so ordinary after all.

[veymax]

3 Benefits of Commuting on an Electric Skateboard for Your Health

Skateboarding has always been popular with children and young people. It's a great way to engage in physical activity and has a number of positive effects on your health. The electric skateboards make everything easier for you.

Now you can control your skateboard without much effort and it is an ideal tool to cover short to medium distances. Now buying electric skateboards with the help of online stores has been easier than ever. Visit Veymax Board to buy premium quality e-skateboards at affordable prices right at your fingertips.

Benefits of commuting on an electric skateboard for your health

1. Exposure to fresh air

Staying in the fresh air is very important for your health. Hitting the streets on your electric skateboard gives you a daily dose of fresh air that will help keep you active and healthy. Fresh air helps in proper digestion of food, improves blood pressure, stabilizes heart rate, and strengthens the body's immune system and metabolism.

If you are too lazy to walk in the morning and evening, you can replace it with riding an e-board. It may not be as effective as walking, but it still gives you exposure to fresh air and interaction with the outside world. Enjoy the fresh air blowing on the streets while commuting on your electric skateboards.

2. Beneficial for mental health

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Riding a motorized skateboard is also beneficial for your mental health. You can be mentally stressed when you don't reach your destination on time and have to travel a long distance.

Electric longboards save you a lot of time commuting to stores to buy groceries, to a friend's house to hang out, or to school. Having the means to travel reduces a lot of mental stress. With electric skateboards you save yourself long walks and reach everything on time.

Traffic, crowded journeys and getting stuck on the road while driving can also be irritating and cause anxiety and stress. Using an e-skateboard can help you avoid all the traffic. Also, you can reach your destination without any interruption.

3. Keeps you active and moving

Riding an electric skateboard isn't just about standing on a wooden board. Even when commuting on an e-skateboard, there is movement in the body muscles. Your core muscles are always working to control the movements of the skateboard. This keeps movement in your body, keeping you active and healthy.

It also helps you in doing some kind of exercise. You have to push the skateboard forward to provide support, using your legs for better acceleration. This relieves the engine, reduces battery consumption and gives you a quick head start. The constant movement of your leg muscles helps you stay healthy and fit.

In addition, when skateboarding, you need to focus on riding the skateboard to avoid accidents, which will help you improve your senses, keep you active all the time, increase your movement and speed, and react quickly.

Conclusion

Commuting on an electric longboard has several health benefits. Riding an electric skateboard helps you stay fit and healthy, both physically and mentally. In addition, it is an ideal way to commute in an environmentally friendly way without polluting the environment.

You can also show your new skateboarding skills to your friends and impress them with some tricks or stunts with your skateboard. If you are interested in sports activities, you can practice your skateboarding skills more seriously and even participate in Olympic Games or at least school sports activities.

Now save a few extra minutes by switching to motorized skateboards instead of walking to the grocery store or visiting a friend's house. Travel comfortably and eco-friendly on an e-board. These were the benefits of commuting on an electric skateboard for your health.

[takenbyheartstrings]

Yes, I’m Changing | Corpse x reader

pairing: Corpse x fem!reader

summary: as y/n infiltrates Corpse’s life and his life, he seems to be happier and more alive.

warnings: mentions of anxiety and depression, crying, fluff, angst and more fluff.

request: hello can i please request a corpse x reader where the reader and corpse meet and instantly become best friends and he starts to get happier around her and get a little less anxious - maybe like she’s his saviour? idk, also could you please make her voice the complete opposite of corpse himself? tysm 🤍🤍

a/n: tysm for requesting! i hope this lives upto your expectations ^-^ OBVIOUSLY most of this is made up - and i’m talking about the Leslie and Corpse storyline - so please don’t come @ me S,JDFNKJSDNF

alSO KINDA SHORT IM SORRY

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

You sighed as you logged onto discord ready for your stream, your setup was your favourite colour, so you clicked on your webcam with a smile and clicked to start the stream. People soon started to flood in.

“Hey guys!” You smiled taking a drink of water, “Welcome to the stream, we’re playing Among Us today with Rae and Sykkuno and a few more new friends! I think Corpse is coming to play with us, I’m excited to meet him!”

You quickly joined the discord call, Ludwig, Rae, Sykunno, Toast, Leslie, Poki, Felix and Sean had already joined, so as soon as I joined that was 9/10 of the lobby.

“Hey guys!” You giggled happily.

“Hey Y/n!” They all greet you happily, as you adjust your headphones on your head, pulling your mic a tad bit closer.

Soon one more person joined the discord call, “Hey,” a deep yet soothing voice speaks up.

“Woah.” You mutter quickly realising your mic discord isn’t muted.

Corpse laughs, you two were the only one’s in the lobby who didn’t know each other, “I’m Corpse, and you must be y/n.” You can hear his smile through the screen, “Big fan.”

Your face flushes red and chat takes notice, “Yes, that is me, I am y/n, and I, personally am very excited to meet you!” You cheer, trying to keep your cool.

“Holy shit guys.” Rae chuckles, “Their voices are complete opposite - it’s like the angel and the devil.”

“Hmmm maybe,” You perk up, “I guess I’d be the devil then.”

Corpse chuckles at your comment as the round starts as you smile because of his laugh, proud of yourself that you made the man, the myth, the legend, Corpse Husband laugh.

That was a year and a half ago.

You knocked on the door tugging on your grey sweater as he opened the door quickly, letting you in, before pulling off his mask as soon as the door had closed behind you. Corpse smiled at you as you hurried inside placing Grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

The two of you decided to rent a place together in LA to be closer to your friends and open up a new line of opportunities. Well, that’s how you pitched it to your best friend.

Anyway, it was game night at the Corpse x Y/n residence, last week was at Sykkuno’s house where you all played What Do You Meme, now it was yours and Corpse’s turn. Playing Cards Against Humanity because they all knew you guys had the largest collection of cards. You quickly set out everything on the table as Corpse just admired you from the couch.

“You could help, y’know.” You glared at him as he sat there watching you.

Corpse pretended to think about it, “Well, if I try to help you’re just gonna push me away and do everything yourself anyway.” He smirks - he’s right. You know he is. He knows he is. Everyone know’s he is. You’re a control freak.

You huff, “So what?”

“So what?” Corpse lets out the loudest laugh he can, “Last time you almost broke my finger!!”

You pause, before leaving it at that, Corpse just chuckles as he sits there, you finish in no less than ten minutes, “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” You retort.

Corpse looks at you, “I know you better than anyone, y/n.” It’s gonna be okay.

And he was right, the night went great. Everyone was smiling and laughing and having fun. It was a night to remember, mostly because Rae almost got blackout drunk and Toast and Sykkuno had to take her home early. But she’d just laugh it off in the morning after you call her and make sure she’s okay.

Corpse stands up, “Anyone need a drink?” He questions, as everyone shake’s their heads. Leslie actually changes her mind and follows him around the corner to a small kitchen.

A lot of people wouldn’t have known this, but Lesilie and Corpse met way before he met Felix or anyone current. She looks at him with a soft smile as she watches him get her a drink from the fancy fridge they have in their house.

“What?” Corpse questions noticing Leslie’s look.

Leslie chuckles, “You love her, dude,” She sighs before he can protest it, “Don’t try to say that I’m wrong either. She’s changed you, you’re slightly happier now, you’re making your way up there, she lifts your spirits every single day and you should see the way you fucking look at her, because I know you don’t know. You love her dude and she loves you too, think about it.”

Leslie leaves the kitchen as her and Edison are the only ones left in the house, it was kinda sad to see it without people in it but you smiled regardless. “That was really fun tonight, thanks Corpse!”

Corpse smiles as you do, “Always. But I’m super beat, gonna try and get some sleep.” In reality, he wasn’t. He was just gonna think about what Leslie said all night.

She was right. You loved him. But you couldn’t tell him that because 99.9% of the time they didn’t reciprocate those feelings back. She had learned not to try with love anymore. So you were sitting in bed that night thinking about a life where you had something good. You had love and comfort. Though you felt it was never going to happen.

Corpse was doing the same - he didn’t take the shots because he was scared. He thinks about her. All the fuckin’ time. How he’s so glad she joined that lobby. Leslie was right she made him happier. She made his life better. Way fucking better. He thought about a life with her, that it would be so good to call her his girlfriend. Never have to see her with another guy again - because yes. He was jealous of all the one’s she’d bring home after a night out with her friends. But she didn’t know they would come out and he’d scare them off.

He didn’t know he was doing that - not intentionally.

Your music fades out of your head as you try to fall asleep to it, but it fails coming back into earshot. You turn to the opposite side of the music. You tossed and turned before standing up out of bed. You had to do it. You had to tell him how you feel and you had to do it now. Something made you compelled to do it. Something made you need to do it.

You opened your bedroom door stepping out of it quickly walking down the hall over to Corpse’s room. 

Your anxiety started to spike, you could feel tears on the brims of your eyes - you were starting to overthink.

“What if he doesn’t love me back”

“What if he’s in love with someone else”

Corpse was having the same spike of anxiety, as he started to overthink feeling his stomach - his gut churn. He knew he had to tell you. No matter how anxious he was, he was willing to take that 50/50 chance. You were practically speed walking, and so was he. The two of you ran into each other, falling onto the floor opposite of each other, your hands catching you, breaking your fall. You yelped before you both chuckled and Corpse helped you up. The two of you hadn’t realise how close you were until Corpse spoke and you could feel the warmth of his breath and minty toothpaste on your face.

“Corpse I- I need to tell you something.” He stopped you.

“No- I do.”

“Corpse I have to tell you!”

“Y/N I LOVE YOU!” Corpse yells pulling away from you as he starts to pace, “I can’t go a day without missing you - I can’t go a day without you here. I crumble, I fall apart. You make me happier, nobody’s done that before. You are a light to my life, you are my sun, you are everything to me and I don’t know how to live without you - how to function. You went to VidCon for three days and I fell apart completely. I. Love. You.”

At this point Corpse didn’t know what he was saying. He was just going with his gut. You sat there shocked. You just smiled at him after a while. You ran towards him and jumped into his arms pressing a kiss to his lips and then pressing them all over the rest of his face.

He was relieved to say the least - probably guessing this is what you were going to tell him and he loved that - he could finally love you.

He carried you to his bedroom, which would soon be the two of yours as it was larger in size and fell asleep comfortably in each others arms as the warmth of Corpse’s body radiated onto yours. His arms around you, holding you to never let you go. To never get hurt. To protect you from all the bad in the world.

The two of your feelings were finally at peace. It was a beautiful masterpiece called love. You changed Corpse for the better and he changed you for it too. You both lived in perfect harmony with each other. It was a comfort you had never truely felt before - same to him. Something that the both of you never wanted to let go of. Let alone each other.

[mammonshuman92]

- Watched -

Mammon & GN!MC

** TW: Stalking, cussing, religion (ish? I guess?)

| part two | | part three |

It’s been nearly 6 months since you left the Devildom. You picked up where you had left off in the human world: college, work, home, repeat. Sure, you missed your family while you were away, but now your heart aches almost constantly for the new family you loved so much, that you had to leave behind. (Not that you really had a choice in the matter.)

 As much as it hurt to leave the brothers, Diavolo was right. Establishing harmony and unity with the three realms won’t go over too well if one of the human representatives doesn’t go back to the human world, now will it? Still, it sucks. Life is so boring without all of them.

And quiet.

It’s not like you don’t talk though. Yeah, Diavolo has that rule in place where they have to take turns talking to you because “human’s lives are short” and they were “taking up too much of your time”, but that’s not really going to stop them, is it?

Well kinda, actually.

You can’t really argue with a direct order from the demon lord, after all.

-

Is it Asmo's day to call? You thought to yourself, trying to remember (not that you ever could) the schedule Lucifer came up with. Your own schedule was hard enough to remember.

You had been picking up extra shifts at work and staying late to study at school when you could. Finding any reason to stay busy or get out of the house. The deafening silence was too much to bear.

"I wonder when I can go visit? I should call Diavolo.." you said to yourself quietly.

You were walking home from your shift at the coffee shop near campus. The sun was just starting to set and the air was slightly crisp, causing you to pull your jacket a little tighter.

If it weren't for the brilliant pinks and warm oranges cast on the sky by the setting sun, it would've felt like a regular night in the Devildom. Memories of your last few days spent there came flooding back, bringing the sadness along with them.

In just one year, you had gotten so close to everyone, but you had gotten especially close to Mammon. He was responsible for you in the beginning of course, but the connection was undeniable (no matter how much he did deny it). He was a total simp for you, and you for him. It was rather cringey to everyone else. He could be a handful at times, but that tsundere really is a great boyfriend. Leaving him behind was... well, there's no words for it.

Rounding the corner, you could see your house perfectly. Now that the sun had gone down a bit more, it was getting darker and you were suddenly thankful that you remembered to turn on the porch light before you left.

You pulled your keys from your jacket pocket while climbing the few steps to your front door, and something caught your eye. Your stomach dropped.

Not again..

You plucked the folded piece of paper that was stuck in the screen door and quickly made your way inside, locking the door behind you.With a heavy sigh, you tossed your keys on the table by the door and dropped your bag on the floor beside you. You immediately went to shower and change not giving the paper a second thought.

Not everyone in the human world agreed with the Devildom exchange student program. After you and Solomon had arrived in the Devildom, there were numerous protests by a group much like the Westboro lunatics. They were without a doubt against the program and called for it’s immediate termination. Thankfully, their personal hatred was no match for the opportunity for the realms to find peace.

 When you had returned, you noticed people whispering about you, calling you names and giving you dirty looks. You've even received quite a few pieces of hate mail. Granted, the people opposed to the program were very small in numbers, even if it didn’t seem that way. It didn't bother you though. Demons ended up being some of the most important people to you. Not to mention you were kinda in love with one of them. People could say what they wanted about the Devildom and about you, their words didn't bother you.

You were still towel drying your hair when your phone rang. Tossing the towel, you rushed to the living room to fish it out of your bag, Asmo's face popping up on the caller ID. You were right, it was Asmo’s night. You were secretly hoping it was a certain greedy demon’s turn to call (not that he doesn’t text you almost constantly.)

Asmo was the same as usual. Talking animatedly about this and that, gushing over new beauty products and outfits, filling you in on all the gossip you were missing. While he was rambling, your eyes fell onto the paper that was in your door. Might as well look at the newest piece of hate mail, right? 

You began unfolding the paper, quickly giving Asmo an “omg!” about the gossip he was dishing (even though you hadn’t been paying attention.)

Upon seeing the contents, all the color drained from your face. You were sure your heart sank into your stomach, but you could hear the rapid beating in your ears. You suddenly felt hot, and the air around you seemed thick.

Then the adrenaline kicked in.

With shaky hands, you quickly checked the front door making sure it was locked, and headed to the back door to do the same. You rushed around checking the windows and pulling all the curtains closed. Everything seemed fine, nothing out of the ordinary. Still, that didn’t settle your nerves any.

“MC, dear? Did you hear me?” The sound of Asmo’s voice brought you out of your frantic state.

“Huh? S-sorry Asmo. I guess I s-spaced out.” You tried your best to keep your tone normal and steady your breathing, as to not alert him to anything. You really should give him more credit, though.

“MC? Is everything alright?” His tone was different, no longer playful and flirty. You could hear the concern.

Shit.

“Yeah, I’m fine. More hate mail is all. No biggie.” You lied. Maybe he would believe it..

There was a pause on his end, “You’re STILL getting it? Don’t they have anything better to do?” Good, he bought it. For now, anyway.

After about 10 more minutes Asmo said his goodbyes, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

This piece hate mail turned out to be something much worse than the run of the mill stuff you usually received. Inside there were pictures. Of you. At work, at school, the grocery store, ...outside your house. There was also a newspaper clipping that had a picture of you and your family, from when your parents first opened their bakery a few years back. There were red ‘Xs’ marked through everyone’s faces...

The only words scrawled inside read, “I’ve been watching you. You will pay for what you’ve done, whore. And don’t even think about telling your demon fuck buddies. I know everything about you and your family. It’d be a shame if anything happened to poor old Mom and Dad because their child is an unholy slut.”

You read it over and over, tears streaking your cheeks. Hate mail was nothing new, but now this? A stalker? 

Maybe I’m just over thinking it. The other hate mail was spicy too. But these pictures... There is NO way I’m over thinking this..

“Regardless, I can’t tell the brothers.” You shuddered at what their reaction would be like. It would definitely make all of Diavolo’s hard work on the exchange program obsolete. It wouldn’t be good for any of the three realms. There was still a long way to go, but the program was a giant step in the right direction to obtaining peace and understanding. If dealing with some backlash and hate mail could help get closer to that goal, then for the sake of the greater could, you could handle it.

“For now, I will bear this burden myself.”

- {3 weeks later} -

“Are you okay?”

The simple question nearly made you squeak and nearly jump out of your skin. You turn and meet the worried gaze of your lab partner. You weren’t super close with her, so you knew your current state had to be bad if she was picking up on it.

God, do I really look that bad? You got a good look at yourself this morning, and yeah, you absolutely look that bad. But then again, you haven’t really slept in a few weeks. You had gigantic purple eye bags, your hair looked like a family of birds took up residence in it. Your skin was pale and lifeless, and you began skin picking at your nails due to the anxiety. You’d even lost about twenty pounds.

“Sorry, I guess I was spacing out.”

“It’s alright. It’s just- no offense, but you look awful. Have you been sleeping?” She asked, eyes scanning your face.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Promise.” You lied. She nodded and gave you a weak smile, dropping the subject for now.

You hadn’t really been paying attention to class today. Well, for the last several days, really. You’ve been putting in less effort for a lot of things lately. You’ve been slacking off bad at school and barely keeping up at work. Not to mention you never sleep anymore. How can you though?

You left class early and although it was still early in the day, you decided to skip the rest of your lectures for the day. You’ve always been a fantastic student, so taking a day off wouldn’t really hurt anything. And seeing as today was Thursday, you didn’t even have work today. Same as every week.

 Upon arriving home, you were relieved to see that there weren’t any notes left for you. Yet, anyway.

Ever since the first letter a few weeks ago, they’ve been showing up constantly. Only a few times the first week or so, but now you get at least one every single day. They’re also increasing in severity. The sender seems to be becoming more and more unhinged with every passing day.

“Dirty demon whore!!”

“You’re a HUMAN!! How dare you taint your body with demons!”

“I will cleanse you and make you pure again.”

There was so, so much more. All of it growing more and more explicit with each letter.

The whole thing was taking a huge tool on you, but what could you do? Your family’s safety was on the line. You so badly wanted to tell Mammon of even the cops, but you couldn’t live with yourself if anything bad were to happen. Whatever this psycho had planned, you would gladly put yourself in the line of fire to save those closest to you.

The whole situation has also affected your relationship with Mammon and the rest of the brothers as well. At first, you tried to hide what was happening, but they started getting suspicious and asking questions. Always wondering why you sounded so tired and why you kept cutting their phone calls super short. You always rejected their face time requests, knowing that your drastic change in appearance would be alarming and alert them that something was wrong. Lately, you’ve barely talked to any of them. Especially Mammon. He’d be the first to figure out something was wrong with you and come here ready to fight.

That honestly didn’t sound too bad. You wanted nothing more than for him to hold you while you ugly cried. Breathing in his scent while he rubbed soothing circles on your back.

Your heart started to ache.

-

When you got home you decided to take a nice, hot shower to hopefully help ease some of your tension and possibly begin to get a handle on your quickly deteriorating self care status.

Once you felt somewhat normal again, you put on your comfiest pj’s (which included one of Mammon’s shirts) and plopped yourself on your bed in the fetal position. It was the only thing that kinda helped ease a tiny bit of the feeling that everything was spiraling out of control. The warm scent of your most favorite demon helped calm you.

*bzzz* *bzzz* *bzzz*

Damn. I almost fell asleep..

You sat up, rubbing your eyes and reached for your D.D.D. on your nightstand. The called ID made your heart rate accelerate and your palms sweaty.

It’s him.

“Mammon..? I thought it was Beel’s turn to call?”

“I don’t care about Lucifer’s stupid schedule. I need to talk to ya.” His tone made him sound like he was on edge.

“Oh, ok. What’s up?”

He scoffed, “Really? You’ve barely messaged me back in three days. The last time I called, ya hung up after five minutes.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy.” Every lie helps break your heart just a little more. 

“You’ve never been too busy before. Besides, shouldn’t ya be in a class right now or somethin’? It ain’t even noon.”

“I left class early and I’m skipping the rest of the day.” You explained.

“..Hmm.” He replied, you could detect suspicion in his response.

It was quiet on his end for a moment.

“MC?”

“Yeah?”

“..Do ya got another boyfriend? Cause The Great Mammon is definitely better! And-and, I’ll kick their ass!”

“What? Mammon, no. One boyfriend is almost more than I can handle.”

“Wha- hey!”

For the first time in who knows when, you actually giggled. It felt so good.

“So, you swear nothin’ is wrong? You’ve been actin’ so weird.” His voice was heavy with concern.

“Yeah, I swear.” Lie.

As good as it felt to talk to him, you needed to end the call before he ended up dragging the truth out of you. If any one could figure out what was wrong with you, it’d be him. The two of you had spent so much time together, that you can practically read each other like a book.

“I gotta go, ok? I have work later and I need to get ready.” Lie. But, you needed to get off the phone with him before he suspects anything.

“Yeah, sure.” He sounded so defeated. You could almost hear him pouting.

After a quicker goodbye than you usually have when getting off the phone with Mammon, you fell back onto your bed with a heavy sigh.

That was a little rough, but he seemed to believe it. I hope this will all be over soon.

With that, you quickly fell asleep, lulled by the memory of your demon’s voice. Although you wouldn’t sleep long, at least you got to fall asleep to the thought of him.

-

*bzzz* *bzzz* *bzzz*

Geez, are ya gonna answer or not? Ya always pick up on the second ring when I call ya.., Mammon thought.

Finally, on the sixth ring, “Mammon..? I thought it was Beel’s turn to call?”

Man, hearing your voice is like music.

“I don’t care about Lucifer’s stupid schedule. I need to talk to ya.” His tone made him sound a little rougher than intended, but it was all the same. He needed to hear you voice.

“Oh, ok. What’s up?”

He scoffed, “Really? You’ve barely messaged me back in three days. The last time I called, ya hung up after five minutes.”

I miss ya like crazy. Ya keep avoiding me..

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy.” 

Huh? But, MC is always busy doing somethin’ and it never stopped em’ before..

He started getting an uneasy feeling deep in his stomach. He could tell something was off, but he just didn’t know what it was.

Is it ...someone else? Nah, MC wouldn’t do that. ...Right??

“You’ve never been too busy before. Besides, shouldn’t ya be in a class right now or somethin’? It ain’t even noon.” He didn’t try to hide the pout, that he knew you could hear, in his voice. His own thoughts were beginning to hurt his feelings.

“I left class early and I’m skipping the rest of the day.” MC explained.

“..Hmm.” He hummed. Thoughts started swirling around in his head.

MC never skips school, not even at RAD. Somethin’ is definitely going on. And what’s with the short answers? MC always talks like crazy. Maybe they’re mad at me?

It was quiet for a moment while he tried to sort through his thoughts.

“MC?” He asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah?”

“..D-do ya got another boyfriend? Cause The Great Mammon is definitely better! And-and, I’ll kick their ass!”

“What? Mammon, no. One boyfriend is almost more than I can handle.”

“Wha- hey!” You giggled at his response. It was small, but he heard it. It made his heart swim.

All joking aside, he did believe you. Something was definitely not right with you though.

“So, you swear nothin’ is wrong? You’ve been actin’ so weird.” His voice was heavy with concern.

“Yeah, I swear.” Those three words caused his heart to sink.

That was a lie.. MC only says ‘I swear’ while tryin’ to act like somethin’ ain’t wrong..

He pushed his thoughts aside for the time being and continued the conversation. It only lasted a few more minutes before you started saying your goodbyes. Again, cutting the call short.

“I gotta go, ok? I have work later and I need to get ready.” 

Hmm. Why does that seem weird?

“Yeah, sure.” He sounded so defeated.

There was, without a doubt in his mind, something going on. Something that would make you lie to him..

One way or another, he was going to find out.

-

“Mammon? Are you alright?”

Mammon was sprawled out on the couch in the common room. After talking to you, he was lost in his thoughts and feeling rather down. Beel passed by the common room on his was back from the kitchen when he saw his older brother. Noticing that he looked sad, Beel went to investigate.

Mammon looked up to meet Bee’s concerned gaze and with a sigh, he sat up.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mammon said, as he stood up to leave. Beel could tell he was obviously lying, but decided not to press the issue.

Mammon stopped a few paces away from Beel, and turned back around to face him.

“Hey, Beel. Was MC actin’, I don’t know, “off”, the last time ya talked to em’?” He asked the sixth born, thinking maybe you had accidentally let something slip.

Beel’s face seemed to twist up a little bit, and he nodded.

“Yeah, kind of. MC used to sound excited when I called, but now they hardly talk at all. And they used to send me pictures of the food they were eating and new recipes, at least twice a day, but it’s been about two weeks since the last one they sent.” He explained, sadness in his voice. While in the Devildom, you were his favorite person to eat with.

Mammon nodded at his brother, getting lost in his thoughts again.

So, it’s not just me. MC is actin’ strange with Beel too..

Neither of them had paid been paying enough attention to see Asmo enter the room.

“Mammon, there you are. I’m going out, and I need my new bag from Majolish. The one I let you borrow. And i swear, if you sold it-” Asmo stopped mid sentence when he noticed the sad state two of his brothers.

“Is it about MC?” He asked, nonchalaunt.

Mammon’s head snapped toward his brother.

“What do you mean? Did they say somethin’ to ya?” Mammon asked quickly, taking a few steps closer to his brother.

MC and Asmo always gossip with each other, so maybe they’d tell him somethin’..

“Calm down. MC really hasn’t talked to me much in the last month. I’m so hurt! Who else am I going to talk beauty products with? Lucifer? Goodness, no.”

“Asmo!” Mammon said loudly, trying to get the fifth born back on track.

“Oh, right. Let’s see.” He put a finger to his chin and thought about it. “Hmm. The only thing I can think of was during the last normal conversation I had with them. They said something about receiving a piece of hate mail. They said it was no big deal, but I distinctly remember MC seemed flustered by it. Which I thought was weird, considering it’s definitely not the first one they’d received..” Asmo explained.

Hate mail? MC has only mentioned it to me a couple times. Do they really get it that often..?

“How long ago was that?” Mammon asked. He felt like he was on the brink of something. Just a few more puzzle pieces..

“Hmm, it was right before MC started acting distant toward me. So, about three or four weeks, maybe.” Asmo explained. That’s around the time you had started acting weird with Mammon too.

“So, maybe something happened to MC.” Beel suggested.

“No, MC would tell us. ..Right?” Asmo questioned.

Mammon was so confused.

What is goin’ on with you, MC?

-

After talking with his brothers, Mammon holed himself up in his room. He didn’t really want to be around anyone at the moment. His thoughts were driving him crazy and giving him a headache. What was he not seeing? What piece of the puzzle was he missing?

He started going over your last conversation again, for the millionth time, looking for any kind of clue. But, you seemed normal. Well, your new normal, anyway. Distant, short answers, not giving too much to the conversation. What were you hiding?

It was something about the end of your conversation, but what was it?

He remembered your small giggle. The memory caused a smile to break out across his face. It gave him a tiny bit of hope that you were still there. That you still loved him. That whatever was troubling you, wasn’t making you forget them completely.

It was after that though. You had said “I swear”, which was a red flag, considering you only say it when you’re trying to convince him you’re ok when you’re really not.

He sighed, and rolled over on his bed. He looked at the alarm clock on his night stand, numbers glowing an angry red.

MC is probably at work right now..

Something caught his eye.

Today is Thursday... MC never works on Thursday. I guess the schedule coulda changed. No, cause MC specifically requested to always have that day off for some reason. Delivery day at their family’s bakery, I think. ...MC lied, again..

Then it hit him.

The small little lies. Avoiding all of them, even him for weeks now. Barely talking when you do answer the phone. The way you always sounded so tired and out of it.

It had something to do with what Asmo said about the hate mail.

“Hmm. The only thing I can think of was during the last normal conversation I had with them. They said something about receiving a piece of hate mail. They said it was no big deal, but I distinctly remember MC seemed flustered by it. Which I thought was weird, considering it’s definitely not the first one they’d received..”

Mammon didn’t even know that you’d been receiving that much hate mail. Sure, you’d told him about it a couple times, but he didn’t think it was that bad. Maybe it was actually pretty serious. Is that why you’d been so distant.

Mammon got up from his bed, and began pacing around the room. He almost had it figured out, he could feel it.

Asmo said MC seemed flustered, so it had to have somethin’ to do with the hate mail they received that day, since after that is when MC started actin’ weird.What if it’s somethin’ bad. Like, bad bad. 

He stopped pacing.

The thought of MC being in danger was...

Mammon grabbed his jacket, where it was thrown onto the pool table and left his room in a hurry. He was on his way to Lucifer’s study, mentally preparing himself on the way. He was sure he knew what his brother’s answer would be, but he wasn’t going to just sit here. He needed to know that you were, in fact alright, with his own eyes.

I’m going to the human world. Whether Lucifer allows it or not.

| part two | | part three |

[ripples-of-thought]

Abortion in 1987

My junior year in high school I met a young man from a rival school during a New Year's Eve lock-in at a roller-skating rink. This is about what happened about 8 months later, just before my senior year.

Since I had a steady boyfriend, I started on "The Pill". My mother knew I was having sex with him and supported my decision to use birth control. At the time I was not living with her, so I went to Planned Parenthood. Although I could not have afforded them full price, PP allowed me to purchase them on a sliding scale. It worked well for months; however, as time passed I started to get a little sloppy about taking my pill on time every day. Some nights I'd forget altogether, and the next morning I'd swallow the previous night's pill with a prayer that this one time wouldn't be the one that got me pregnant. One month at the end of the summer, my period didn't show.

I was anxious about getting pregnant, so I got a home pregnancy test as soon as I was a week late. The next morning, I peed on the stick. One line was negative, two lines... yes, the two lines right there on the stick... that meant positive. I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, the one I was "in love" with. He meant the world to me, and would be my rock. Since my menses were normally very regular, I was pretty sure there was no mistake, but before being able to do anything, I would need a doctor's confirmation anyway. Back to Planned Parenthood I went, where they were able to verify the results, again at a price even a high school student in the 'burbs could afford.

The fact that this doctor's visit, and the potentially life-changing nature of it, seemed so routine that, years after, I've nearly forgotten it, is a testament to the professionalism of the care I received at that clinic. Everything was calm that day. The anxiety of deliberation all came afterward.

I told my parents. Being a pregnant teenager is scary, but I had two parents who loved me, and a mother who told me she'd support whatever decision I made.

She very much wanted me to be able to follow my own heart and mind about this, and I admire and appreciate that. I knew the history of abortion in the USA, had seen Dirty Dancing, I knew other times and other families had provided neither the freedom nor support that mine did. I was, and am, grateful for that.

But to no fault of theirs, I was not able to freely choose what to do with my body - whether to use it to continue growing this other human, or have the procedure that would end my pregnancy. My choice was smashed to pieces by my "rock".

For, while I was weighing the options - whether my family, my education and means, had room for an infant at this time... whether I was strong enough to carry a baby to term only to give it up to an adoptive family to care for it beyond my ability... whether to terminate the pregnancy and carry on with life's plans (such as they were) as if I'd never been pregnant... my boyfriend was thinking about his future career in the military.

His only ambition his entire life was to be part of an elite military unit such as the US Special Forces (the Green Berets) or what he saw as their modern equivalent, the Airborne Infantry. He was already a career Boy Scout, and an Eagle Scout, something he took great pride in. He'd talked to recruiters and was ready to enlist as soon as he graduated. And he saw my pregnancy as a threat to that.

At least, that's what he told me. I really can't understand his reasoning now... and I'm not sure I even seriously questioned it then. When I told him that I was considering adoption instead of abortion, he refused to even consider it. He couldn't stand the thought of "his" child being "somewhere out there" ...raised by someone else. He told me that if I did not have an abortion, I would never see him again.

There's a lot of hurt behind that statement... hurt that actually has nothing to do with him. Because while he had plans for a career after high school, I did not. I had vague ideas about what I wanted to do... I wanted to be artistic. I wanted to paint and write... but beyond that... I had no idea. I certainly didn't have plans for university... I didn't have the money to pay for it myself and I didn't have the grades or extra-curricular activities to get me a scholarship.

I knew I wasn't cut out for the military. I lacked the discipline and the physical fitness for that kind of life, whatever the film STRIPES made it out to be. So that left ...what? Becoming someone's domestic help? Being a grocery checkout clerk? Becoming a ...housewife? And with graduation looming ahead, I knew my days as a carefree teen were numbered. My mother had said so, jokingly, a few years before. I took it way too literally and way too personally. Mom had quipped about my dad's brother living in his parents' house in his 30's... "When you turn 18, you're on your own, kiddo." She didn't mean it. Hell, she wasn't even really talking about me at all! It was about her ex-brother-in-law, but I didn't realize that at 14 and I didn't realize it at 17. And so it went until that day... My self-esteem defining me through my romantic partnerships, never as the hero of my own story. So when he said my pregnancy threatened his future, and said he'd walk if I didn't terminate, I saw my future, the only future I could envision, endangered. I saw this pregnancy as a threat to the marriage I expected and all the children he and I might have in the future.

When I told my mom about my decision to terminate, I didn't tell her why. She took it calmly, but told me years later that she had been hoping I would choose differently. She offered to be there for me, she paid for part of it, and my boyfriend paid the rest. She drove me there and took me home after.

The Planned Parenthood in Beaverton did not perform abortions, and they referred me to a clinic in Northwest Portland, close to downtown. I had to make one appointment for "counseling" in which I had to lie and say that nobody was forcing me to get an abortion, and then I could set the appointment for the procedure.

I suppose that, in my mind, it wasn't really a lie. If I had been a stronger personality at the time, I could have refused to abort the pregnancy and sued him for child support... I never think about this event without a list of "what-ifs" as long as my arm.

I remember it as quiet, clean, with a neutral palette. I don't remember any of the other young women. It was the most normal thing really... just a trip to the doctor... just an "outpatient procedure". The table, the stirrups, the speculum... just like any gynecological visit I'd ever been to. I didn't pay much attention to the aspirator (the machine that provides the suction) and just focused on breathing slowly and staying relaxed. I was given local anesthetic and it was over very quickly.

I remember waiting in the recovery room for my mom to take me home, and I was relieved that it was over with. I was sorry that I had felt the need to do it, and I remember even apologizing to the fetus. I had already started believing in reincarnation as a teenager, and hoped that in the future, the same spirit might grow within another body that mine would build, when I was ready to have children. This was just not that time.

What followed the next week was pretty much what I usually went through during my period. Cramps, bleeding, and then... life went on.

I do want to write about that arms-length list of "what-ifs"... but this post, this blog, is not about what could have happened. It's about what did happen. And what did happen was not nearly as traumatic as some would have you expect.

It didn't result in any more depression than I was already experiencing due to undiagnosed chronic conditions. It's far more truthful to say that my depression led to needing an abortion than that my abortion caused depression.

I was not wracked with guilt afterward... although years later when I went through a Christian conversion experience I did feel a sort of guilt about not feeling guilty...

One out of four women in the USA have an abortion at some point in their lives. The reasons they list for having one are usually complex, involving multiple facets of their life; most often some intersection of emotional and financial stability. My story is not rare. It's common. It's normal.

It's okay.

For more information about the effect of unwanted pregnancy and abortion on the women who experience it, I recommend reading The Turnaway Study.

[oliviajames1122]

8 Stress-Relieving Ideas for Everyday Use

Everyday life has changed in a variety of ways, and while we continue to adjust to the world around us, we may experience increased stress. Many business listings here are a few things we can all do to unwind and relieve stress.

1 - Maintain a positive attitude

When you're anxious, it's easy to fall into negative thinking, and even minor issues can trigger anxiety. We've all been in circumstances when a minor occurrence tipped us over the brink since we were already stressed out by other factors. You may, however, look at it the opposite way around with some effort.

Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, try to see it as half full. Making a list of everything that went well or was enjoyable at the end of each day, and taking a moment to ponder things for which you should be grateful but may have forgotten. This is especially potent at times of national crises because it urges us all to focus on what we can control business listings.

2 - Stay away from information overload

Overexposure to the news and social media can have a serious negative impact on one's mental health.

It's crucial to be connected, but keeping track of what you eat when on your devices will help you feel less stressed and anxious. Only reading credible news sources, consuming news only once a day and crating your social media feeds so you're only following accounts that make you feel good are some of the strategies we recommend.

3 - Make yourself a cup of tea

According to studies, even something as simple as a cup of tea might help you relax. Aside from the soothing effects of a hot cup of tea, University College London researchers discovered that test volunteers who drank black tea four times a day for six weeks had lower levels of the stress hormone cortical in their bodies. They were able to de-stress twice as quickly as a placebo-controlled group. This is a simple deed that we can all undertake to help manage our stress in the current scenario free listing.

4 - Take a nap

One of the most common causes of sleep disturbance is stress. Stress is a natural part of life, and it's common to have sleep problems when you're under a lot of pressure.

When stress causes chronic sleep problems, a perilous situation arises. Chronic stress is a known cause of a variety of disorders, including coronary heart disease, and poor sleep is thought to be one of the primary processes linking long-term stress to serious health problems.

High blood pressure and a weakened immune system are two examples. Examine your work-life balance first to alleviate stress. Everyone requires rest and recuperation time. The type of activity is probably unimportant in and of itself, as long as it is stimulating but not taxing.

When you work from home, it's tempting to check your emails late at night, but we strongly advise against it. Work-life balance has never been more vital and setting aside time to unwind will aid with stress reduction.

5 - Set aside time for yourself

Take some time for yourself. Set aside one or two nights a week to participate in things that you enjoy. Make time to see friends and have a 'date night' with your partner by picking up a new interest or returning to an old one. Recognize that you deserve and require personal time.

6 - Take a different perspective

Looking at stress in a positive light and re-framing your mindset to make it work for you is a great way to make it work for you.

Treating dangers as challenges and seeking for long-term opportunities in what appears to be a stressful situation.

Take a long-term perspective. Consider whether the issue you're furious about will be important in a month, a year, or a decade. Is this a significant event? Will you be able to recall it?

7 - Make time to assist others

Do some good when you're down. Donate to charity, volunteer to help a needy neighbor with groceries, or put something in the food bank box at the grocery the next time you're there.

Helping those who are frequently in worse positions than you will help you put your own troubles into context. You will feel happier and more resilient if you donate more.

8 - Take in the fresh air

It's no surprise that being active is beneficial to our health. Keeping healthy protects us from a variety of diseases, but did you know that it also benefits our mental health?

Even something as basic as taking a stroll can help relieve minor depression and anxiety. Physical activity creates chemical changes in the body that aid in the reinforcement of happy emotions.

[violetnotez]

HC: S/o With a Good Luck, Bad Luck Quirk

@mrsadfacestudio: SO how about Bakugou, Midoriya, Todoroki, Tamaki and Mirio react on their crush having a good luck/bad luck quirk? Like Y/N says "I feel like today will be great day!" They live close by to Y/N so as they were about to ask to walk with them. As she walk on the side walk, shit goes down. Y/N is passing a building that exploded behind her. She walk far enough so when the building fell, it didn't land on her

Alrightie I hope I did this to the best of my abilities, so I’m sorry if the quirk description isn’t accurate to your ask! Excited to write for Tamaki though since this is my first time, so forgive me if Tamaki’s isn’t the best! ✨🌸

AU: Reader has agood/bad luck quirk, where they can manipulate the luck of themselves or others around them(sometimes without realizing it)

Pairings: Midoriya x reader, Shoto x reader, Tamaki x reader, Mirio x reader

RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS CLOSED

Izuku

◦oh he is just be so amazed by your quirk-it’s so different from any one he has ever seen or heard of!

◦ he is going to have a full journal dedicated to you and is always lending a hand to help you with training if you ever need it!

◦ he knows you can hold your own, but this boy is going to constantly work himself into a frenzy over worrying about you

◦he’s just so overprotective he really can’t help it!

◦ one day as he was walking to the grocery store to grab some produce for his mother, he heard a large explosion

◦ Izuku turned around, seeing a dark plumage of smoke rising, his heart dropping-you had told him last night you were deciding to take a run in the morning

◦And of course you said you were taking a run right in that area

◦He instantly dropped the groceries, taking off at an intense speed, his hands fumbling with his phone as he desperately tried to call you

◦you weren’t calling him back, making his anxiety 10x worse

◦when he got to the wreckage site, he realized it was a poorly attempted bank robbery, heroes as well as police officers investigating the scene and taking in the suspected “villians” for questioning

◦ he started looking around, trying to see if anybody resembled you, but he didn’t see you, and oh no what if you got caught in some rubble, or maybe somehow you were badly hurt, that’s why you weren’t answering his calls-

◦ “Hey ‘Zuku, I didn’t expect you to be here! I hope no ones hurt!” You greeted from behind, scaring him shitless but also making so relieved

◦his face light up like a Christmas tree- “y/n! Oh, I’m so glad your okay! Are you hurt, do you feel alright-“

◦”I’m fine Izuku, I promise!” You laugh, taking his shaking hands into your own. “My quirk somehow gave me a heads up about what was going to happen, so I decided to get some boba instead!”

◦you smiled brightly, taking a sip from the thick straw- “it also gave me an idea that you’d stop by too,” you held out another drink, his favorite flavor-green tea

◦he thanked you gratefully, taking a sip as he held onto your hand tightly

◦After that scare, there is no way he is letting you out of his sight

Shoto

◦ Like Izuku, he is going to find your quirk intriguing and definitely interesting

◦It’s not flashy, but it certainly is very powerful in its own way (not that Shoto would care if it’s flashy or not-he loves you for you, not your quirk)

◦*cough cough unlike his father *cough cough

◦ He really can’t understand it that well, because sometimes it gives you a dose of “bad” luck before it rewards you with some prosperity in your life

◦When you and Shoto were still hopelessly pinning for each other, for example, your quirk had decided to give you a slight nudge to get closer to the reserved boy

◦ As you were rushing to the cafeteria during lunch break one day, you had spotted Shoto walking from afar

◦He was close enough to be able to see his features, but far away that you could appreciate his handsome features without looking too creepy

◦You couldnt help but sneak a blissful glance at his face-he was honestly so handsome with his bi colored eyes, pale skin, chiseled jawline-

◦And that’s when your foot slipped on a stray piece of paper and your body landed on the hard linoleum floor with a gut wrenching smack

◦Shoto has obviously heard (it was hecka loud), and being the only other person in the hallway besides you, it was hard to ignore that

◦he instantly rushed over to you, concerned for your wellbeing

◦”Y/n, are you alright?” He asked, crouching down next to you

“I-uh-yeah I’m fine!” Your cheeks were on fire, and you were cursing your quirk inside your head for not helping you avoid your fall-

◦Until Shoto has held out one of his hands, offering it to you

◦”May I?” Shoto’s exterior looked extremely composed, but on the inside he was freaking out-he was just being nice, right? This wasn’t because he had a crush on you or anything-he wasn’t loving the fact that he was the one to help you up, or was trying to memorize how your rosy cheecks looked so pretty on your skin-

◦you placed your smaller hand in his, his fingers gently squeezing yours as he pulled you up

◦your legs were still wobbly, as your knees were the first ones to hit the floor-so you body kinda toppled onto his

◦He was strong and he anticipated you to lean into him, so he easily took the extra weight with ease

◦what wasn’t so easy was keeping his composure-your hands were resting on his chest, those pretty eyes of yours boaring into his, your cheeks ten times redder

◦ He couldnt help but tense up-he wasn’t used to being so close to you, or any girl for that matter, but he was growing quite fond to how wonderful your body felt pressed against his own

◦”I-I I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ you began to stutter against his chest

◦Shoto gave a tiny smile, finding it cute that you were just as much of a nervous wreck as he felt- “It’s quite alright… do you think your badly injured? Let’s see if you can walk,”

Tamaki

◦ohhh sweet baby boy is gonna adore you

◦he’s going to think your quirk is just so amazing- lowkey will get down on himself and think his is inadequate to yours sometimes

◦when that happens- AFFIRMATIONS AND CUDDLES 100% WILL FEEL BETTER AFTER

◦ Also will worry about you a lot-he has experienced a lot of things at a young age and knows how harsh the real world can be

◦He doesn’t want to see you get hurt at all, but knowing you have such a helpful quirk does ease his nerves some-also helps him out in a pinch too

◦One time when you both were on patrol, Tamaki had realized just how helpful your quirk could be for yourself and him

◦You two were stationed for the next few hours at the city’s busy downtown area

◦You we’re loving all the lights, the people, and the stores, while Tamaki-

◦Well, Tamaki was not

◦”Do we have to be so close to people?” He asked timidly, tugging his hood farther down his eyes, “I feel they’re staring right at us.”

◦you laughed, playfully walking into his side

◦”Of course they are Tamaki! We are dressed up as heroes after all,” you replied sweetly, waving to a small group of kids gawking at you two

◦”I know-its just, your so natural at all this. I don’t know if I can be as cheerful as you,”

◦You sighed, intertwining your fingers with your shy boyfriend. “Don’t get so worked up over it Tama, you're a wonderful hero. It doesn’t matter if your shy or outgoing, it only matters if your a good hero- which you are.”

◦You took that as an opportunity to kiss his cheek, his once nervous frown turning into a tiny smirk

◦”Th-thank you,” he stuttered out, touching the spot where you kissed him

◦ “Of course!” You grinned, “Oh and also-you may want to take your hood off.”

◦ even though he didn’t want to do what you instructed, he trusted your instincts, pulling the fabric down

◦ “Why is that-“ just as the words slipped out of his mouth, the gang of kids you had waved at had ran past, one of the kids having his hands held out suspiciously

◦ A gust of wind flew in your faces from the kids hands, your hair tossling into your faces

◦ “Aww cool we finally see his face!” The kid with the wind quirk yelled, realizing his hood was already down

◦ The others stared at you too in awe, some waving nervously as they ran past, giggling and screaming as they ran away from their shenanigans

◦”See, they wanna stare at your pretty face too, ya know,” you joked, earning a groan from your timid boyfriend as he tugged his hood on again

◦ Tamaki blushes furiously, his stomach filled with butterflies

◦”The only person I like staring at me is-is you,”

Mirio

◦He is gonna use your quirk to give you the cutest pet names

◦His personal fav is going to be calling you his “Lucky Charm”

◦will also call you the cheesiest name like “Light of his life,” “sunshine” (not really revolves around your quirk but no the less!)

◦ will also be a constant worry wart over you-you are his love after all, he can’t help but worry!

◦ Omg hed be the sweetest boyfriend though, always checking up on you and making sure your a-okay!

◦One day though he was on patrol by himself when he spotted you in the same area

◦Of course this boy was gonna come and say hi!

◦More like try to scare the shit out of you by running up behind you and giving you a hug

◦You were staring down at your phone, so it would be a perfect time to go and surprise you

◦But to his horror, a bicyclist who had no control over their bike was bounding onto the sidewalk

◦A bunch of pedestrians were freaking out, moving to the side quickly to not get ran over

◦Of course Mirio was already on his way to go and help, but before he even could the bike was already close to hitting you

◦Just as he was going to yell your name and scoop you into his arms, out of harms way, he saw you casually just move to the side

◦You looked like you didn’t even know what was going on-your face didn’t leave your phone screen, it’s expressions calm as ever-all you did was sidestep so you were a mere inches from getting hit by the bike zooming past

◦Mirio took a second to just stare in amazement-how did you even do that?!?

◦Then he relaized he actually had a job to do, so he ran over to help the poor bicyclist before going over to say hi

◦Ohhhhh he asked so many questions after that and just rave about how cool that was

◦”That was amazing! You just kept on walking as if nothing happened! Does that happen any time you might be in danger?”

◦”Well sometimes if I need to learn something, or if it would be safer for me for my quirk not to intervene, I’ll still get hurt or embarrassed-whatever the case may be.” You smiled, “But usually, yeah, it’ll give me a heads up of what might happen to me if I don’t listen to my quirk

“◦”oh that’s so amazing sunshine! You really are a lucky charm, huh?”

[sennamybeloved]

; the beach

❥ pairing: lucian/senna/seren

❥ warnings: none!

❥ a/n: AAAHH it’s our one year anniversary today ;; time really fucking flies huh. it feels like i had fallen for them just yesterday, but here we are. may 25th, 2021. anyways, i don’t think this fic is super great but i hope that’s just me. either way, it’s super special to me and i sunk way more time into it than i usually would, so uhhhhh here you go!

May 25th is a date of great importance. Seren fusses over it all year long, setting reminders and writing notes on calendars, filling up her wishlist with gift ideas as she waits ever-so-patiently. But when the day finally comes, she always manages to fall short.

On this May 25th, she sits in her car, forehead resting on her steering wheel as she breathes through an onset of anxiety. She’s parked outside of her local grocery store at sunset, watching helplessly as the day slips away, taking all of her plans with it. She does this every year―why does she always think that the next one is going to be different?

She lifts her head lethargically, looking over at the store-bought chocolate cake in her passenger seat. She knows that they’re going to love it, but it’s so. . . basic. She wanted to do something bigger, something to prove her love to them, but there isn’t any time for that. Not anymore.

Today marks 10 years of marriage for Seren and her lovers. They met over 14 years ago and celebrated that anniversary with a party and drinks, but they all agreed that this one was much more special. After all, you can only celebrate your 10th anniversary once. Seren feels responsible, like the outcome of this day is in her hands alone. She knows that this isn’t true, but she can’t shake the feeling that whatever she does from this point forward will only disappoint them. They, like her, had probably expected more.

She feels herself choking up. They could’ve gone on a picnic or gotten their vows renewed. She could’ve painted them something. They could’ve retaken their wedding photos. But instead, she’ll be returning home after dark with only a chocolate cake. She sighs and lowers her head once more. Oh, she knows they won’t be angry, but that doesn’t make her feel any less guilty.

Suddenly, her phone vibrates.

She fumbles with her coat pocket before taking it out, squinting as the screen lights up. She strains her eyes to read the notification; a simple text message from her wife, Senna.“Hello and happy anniversary <3 Meet Lucian and I at the local beach. We’re the only people here, shouldn’t be hard to spot.”

She cradles the device in her hands as she reads the text over and over. She can’t tell whether she feels relieved or even more guilty. “At least they have plans, right?” She thinks aloud. Well, sure, but now she looks like even more of a jerk in comparison. Like she doesn’t care at all.

She sighs and shakes her head—that’s not true. They know that she cares. She pulls herself together and unlocks her phone, answering the text with a simple “On my way.” She then tosses it aside and leans back in her seat, breathing a sigh of both exhaustion and relief. “You’ve had a rough day,” she continues to talk to herself, as she tends to do when she’s alone. “You’ve had a rough day, but they’re going to make it feel better. You know they’re going to make it feel better.”

And she was right; store-bought chocolate cake or extravagant vacation, anything to do with her partners is something worth smiling about.

And with that, she starts up her car and drives off. She has 10 minutes to pull herself together before reaching the local beach.

Fortunately, with them on her mind, she manages to do it in 5.

…

When Seren arrives, the beach is near-empty, just as Senna had described it. She pulls into the barren parking lot, driving up next to a vehicle that she could recognize from a mile away. It’s Senna’s truck, oversized and dark blue in color. She doesn’t take it out much, often opting to use Lucian’s car instead, but here it is, parked right next to the beach.

Before Seren gets out, she takes a moment to gather her thoughts. What is she going to say? How is she not going to make it awkward? Who is she kidding, performative displays of affection are always awkward. That doesn’t make them any less genuine, though.

After nearly a minute, she finally picks up the chocolate cake, along with three plastic forks she’d stollen, and steps outside. The evening sky is breathtaking; dark blue with hints of orange and pink, speckled with stars that increase in number as the light begins to fade. It makes Seren feel small, but in a good way. A safe way.

“Seren!” A familiar voice calls out to her. She whips around and sees her husband, Lucian, sitting next to Senna on a large towel. They’re smiling, waving, awaiting her arrival with open arms and full hearts.

Lucian wears a button-down shirt with sunflowers printed on it. He’s decked out in jewelry, all of which had been gifted to him by one of his partners. Chokers, necklaces, rings, earrings… Seren is surprised she can see it all from here. Senna’s attire is simple-yet-beautiful; a cropped tanktop and jean shorts, accentuated by splashes of scarlet red. Her earrings, shirt decal and lip color were all equally as vibrant, standing out again the fading light.

They’re so gorgeous, so breathtaking. Seren can practically feel her worries melting away.

She bounds over to them, careful not to drop anything on the way. Her efforts are pointless, however, as practically throws the cake down once she arrives. She leaps into her lovers arms, grinning as they embrace her, nuzzling into opposite sides of her neck. “It’s so good to see you,” Senna purrs, kissing her jawline. It’s been less than a day since they were last together, but she acts like it’s been a lifetime.

“It’s good to see you both,” Seren replies, giving Senna a little squeeze before shifting her attention towards Lucian. She cups her face and presses a long kiss to his temple. He beams, nuzzling into her palm.

“You brought cake,” Senna notes as she pulls away from the embrace.

“Oh, yeah.” Seren flushes, her tail twitching nervously. “But it’s store bought, so don’t get your hopes up.”

“But it’s from the local grocery store, right?” Lucian looks down at it, seeming hopeful. Seren is more than happy to affirm this with a nod.

“That’s our favorite!” Senna exclaims—she doesn’t get excited often, making the times she does all the more special. “So I will get my hopes up, thank you.”

Seren laughs aloud. Their positive reaction relieves her of the weight she’s been hauling around all day, as if something physical has been lifted from her shoulders. She feels lighter. In retrospect, she should’ve known things would be just fine—the cakes from that store are some of the best this town has to offer, especially the chocolate ones.

“Unfortunately, I didn’t bring any plates, but I brought forks!” The vastaya takes them out of their pocket and tosses them down on the towel. “So uh, bon appétit.”

“That’s okay, I don’t remember the last time we ate one of these with plates.” Senna responds as she picks up a fork and opens the plastic lid. Lucian and Seren follow suit, each digging into their own side of the cake.

“Y’know, I’m actually really glad you brought this.” Lucian says through a mouthful of chocolate. “I forgot to bake us something today and I felt really bad.”

Seren finishes chewing before she answers him. “That’s funny, because I felt really bad for not bringing something more special.”

Senna gasps and punches her arm. “Don’t start with me! You know we would’ve had a great time either way..”

She was a strong person; even the lightest of hits hurt like hell. Seren rubs the affected area, phased physically but not emotionally. “I know, I know!” She laughs. “But I can’t help it. I do this every year, you know.”

Senna sighs and shakes her head. She wipes off her mouth and drops the fork, scooting closer to Seren. She slinks an arm around her shoulders and leans into her, looking up at her with a tiny smile. “We know.”

Her voice is so soft, so sympathetic. She gives Seren a lot of shit, but it’s all in good fun. She knows that she understands. She knows that she cares.

The vastaya glances over at Lucian, who’s gentle expression only adds to her bliss.

“We’re just happy to have you here,” he tells her.

She thanks him with a nod.

Time passes and they continue chatting. Seren grows tired of the cake quickly, whereas Senna devours the most out of anyone. They all forgot to bring water, but Lucian promises to mix them some drinks when they get home. This is something that Seren is ecstatic about—she could really use something to take off the edge. But for now, they make the most of their time together, getting wrapped up in silly conversations about the most mundane of things. Interests, stories, fond memories, future plans, anything of that sort. What begins as them sitting in a circle and talking over cake quickly develops into a cuddle pile. Seren is positioned in the center, with Senna nuzzling into the left side of her neck and Lucian clinging to the right side of their body. They relish in the warm pre-summer air, all tangled up in each other’s love. What a wonderful way to spend their anniversary.

“Seren, I have a very important question.” Senna breaks the comfortable silence with these words. Her tone is lighthearted and goofy, despite the question supposedly being so serious. Seren cocks any eyebrow at her, curious.

“What is it?” She asks.

“I need you to be completely honest with me here…” she trails off, adjusting her position so she can better look Seren in the eyes. “When you first met me all those years ago, what was your first impression of me?”

The vastaya thinks for a long moment. “I thought you were a complete asshole.” She answers with a smile.

“Oh, really?” Senna scoffs.

“Mhm,” Seren’s smile morphs into a grin. “I helped you out and you immediately told me to choke. Not very kind.”

Senna laughs, shoving her playfully. “I don’t think that’s what I said.”

“You told her to get fucked,” Lucian interjects. “So yeah, it’s pretty close.”

“Oh, you’re a part of this now?” Senna sasses back.

“I mean, I’m here too, aren’t I?” His tone is rather flat, but that almost makes the comeback sharper.

Apparently Senna can too, because she gasps dramatically before reaching right over Seren and giving a light smack to the side of his face. It was nothing more than a little tap, but Lucian still brings his arm up to shield himself.

“Hey!” Seren stifles her laughter as she shoves them apart. “Calm yourselves.”

The two continue giggling, but they give up on their playfight. They relax into Seren, who wraps an arm around both of them, holding them tight. The vibe is warm and carefree—it makes her feel safe. She wishes she could stay like this forever.

After a period of silence, Senna sighs. “Yeah, I was an asshole…”

“It’s fine, I don’t hold it against you.” Seren tells her, pecking her cheek.

“I know, I know. It’s just crazy to think about. I was just so… scared.”

“Scared?” Seren’s ear twitches, signaling heightened interest.

“You know, scared of falling in love. Scared of getting hurt. Getting you two hurt.” Her tone softens along with her face. She almost looks melancholic, but Seren knows that she isn’t sad. It’s hard for her to open up. She doesn’t do it often and for good reason, which is why they owe her patience.

“Ah…” Seren nods. “I understand.”

Lucian reaches over and takes Senna’s hand. “Hey,” he says, mimicking her tone and the way she always gets his attention. “You’ve been nothing but perfect all these years. We couldn’t have asked for a better lover.”

The woman’s eyes light up. She can’t stop herself from grinning, fidgeting, giggling to herself as joy overpowers the negative thoughts. “You sentimental idiot,” she shakes her head.

“Oh, Senna…” Seren whispers. She slips a hand behind her braids and pulls her head closer, pressing a drawn-out kiss to her forehead. Senna bites her lip in an attempt to soften her smile and hold back laughter. She does this whenever she gets flustered. The other’s find it adorable.

There’s a short period of silence before she finally speaks up. “Thank you guys, really.”

“Thank you,” Seren says. “You may have been an asshole when we first met, but you saved me, honestly. Both of you did.”

If they’re getting all mushy, Seren might as well open up a little herself. “I… I was in a dark place when we first met, I’m sure you guys have picked up on that by now… but you helped me out of it. I don’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for your love and patience.”

“Seren,” Senna buries her face in her wife’s side, her voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. “You’re gonna make me tear up.”

She laughs, rubbing her back. “Sorry, lavender.”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to bring you two together.” Lucian beams. His dopey smile brightens up his entire face, softening his features and turning his stoic resting-face into something much kinder. His golden eyes are full of warmth and happiness, and he looks down at his spouses with nothing but love. It almost makes Seren want to cry.

She cups his face, her thumbs brushing over dark, scar-littered skin. He nuzzles into the palm of her hand. She wipes cake crumbs from around his lips, earning a small-yet-noticeable giggle. She sighs, noticeably flustered, and caresses his cheek. “You really are a sentimental idiot.”

He laughs, placing his hand atop one of hers. “You love it.”

Seren rolls her eyes at him, but she knows that he’s right.

“What about you, Lucian? Got anything sappy to say?” Senna teases him. The answer is always yes.

“Oh, y’know…” he shrugs. “You guys let me be myself. I don’t really like being around people… but I feel safe here.”

“I think we can all relate to that.” Seren chuckles, kissing the bridge of his nose.

“I’m just glad to be here.” He tells them.

“We’re glad to have you here.” Senna answers, grabbing his hand and giving it a firm squeeze.

Seren doesn’t think she's ever been happier. To think she’d been so anxious just a few hours ago… her partners always find a way to turn even the worst situations into something wonderful.

“I love you guys,” she sighs. She’d never spoken a more genuine set of words in her entire life.

“I love you too,” Senna responds, accompanied by Lucian’s: “And we love you even more than that.”

They all laugh amongst themselves. Senna’s head falls back against Seren’s shoulder. She buries her face in the soft fabric of her shirt, her snickers becoming muffled. The vastaya rakes clawed fingers through her braids, pausing every so often to gently scratch her scalp. Lucian holds Seren a little tighter. Seren isn’t looking at him, but she knows that he’s still smiling. It feels like they’re the only people in the entire world, almost as if time is standing still and the only place that exists is this beach.

In that moment, Seren truly believes that things are going to be okay.

[mr-entj]

Mental Health Wellness Tips for Quarantine

Sharing a piece a clinical psychologist in my network published.

______________

After having thirty-one sessions this week with patients where the singular focus was COVID-19 and how to cope, I decided to consolidate my advice and make a list that I hope is helpful to all. I can't control a lot of what is going on right now, but I can contribute this.

Edit: I am surprised and heartened that this has been shared so widely! People have asked me to credential myself, so to that end, I am a doctoral level Psychologist in NYS with a Psy.D. in the specialities of School and Clinical Psychology.

1. Stick to a routine. Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.

2. Dress for the social life you want, not the social life you have. Get showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, wash your face, brush your teeth. Take the time to do a bath or a facial. Put on some bright colors. It is amazing how our dress can impact our mood.

3. Get out at least once a day, for at least thirty minutes. If you are concerned of contact, try first thing in the morning, or later in the evening, and try less traveled streets and avenues. If you are high risk or living with those who are high risk, open the windows and blast the fan. It is amazing how much fresh air can do for spirits.

4. Find some time to move each day, again daily for at least thirty minutes. If you don’t feel comfortable going outside, there are many YouTube videos that offer free movement classes, and if all else fails, turn on the music and have a dance party!

5. Reach out to others, you guessed it, at least once daily for thirty minutes. Try to do FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting—connect with other people to seek and provide support. Don’t forget to do this for your children as well. Set up virtual playdates with friends daily via FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Kids, Zoom, etc—your kids miss their friends, too!

6. Stay hydrated and eat well. This one may seem obvious, but stress and eating often don’t mix well, and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, and avoiding food. Drink plenty of water, eat some good and nutritious foods, and challenge yourself to learn how to cook something new!

7. Develop a self-care toolkit. This can look different for everyone. A lot of successful self-care strategies involve a sensory component (seven senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell, vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (comforting pressure). An idea for each: a soft blanket or stuffed animal, a hot chocolate, photos of vacations, comforting music, lavender or eucalyptus oil, a small swing or rocking chair, a weighted blanket. A journal, an inspirational book, or a mandala coloring book is wonderful, bubbles to blow or blowing watercolor on paper through a straw are visually appealing as well as work on controlled breath. Mint gum, Listerine strips, ginger ale, frozen Starburst, ice packs, and cold are also good for anxiety regulation. For children, it is great to help them create a self-regulation comfort box (often a shoe-box or bin they can decorate) that they can use on the ready for first-aid when overwhelmed.

8. Spend extra time playing with children. Children will rarely communicate how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention and communication through play. Don’t be surprised to see therapeutic themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through. Understand that play is cathartic and helpful for children—it is how they process their world and problem solve, and there’s a lot they are seeing and experiencing in the now.

9. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and a wide berth. A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone. Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best. It is important to move with grace through blowups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges and continue disagreements. Everyone is doing the best they can to make it through this.

10. Everyone find their own retreat space. Space is at a premium, particularly with city living. It is important that people think through their own separate space for work and for relaxation. For children, help them identify a place where they can go to retreat when stressed. You can make this place cozy by using blankets, pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents, and “forts”. It is good to know that even when we are on top of each other, we have our own special place to go to be alone.

11. Expect behavioral issues in children, and respond gently. We are all struggling with disruption in routine, none more than children, who rely on routines constructed by others to make them feel safe and to know what comes next. Expect increased anxiety, worries and fears, nightmares, difficulty separating or sleeping, testing limits, and meltdowns. Do not introduce major behavioral plans or consequences at this time—hold stable and focus on emotional connection.

12. Focus on safety and attachment. We are going to be living for a bit with the unprecedented demand of meeting all work deadlines, homeschooling children, running a sterile household, and making a whole lot of entertainment in confinement. We can get wrapped up in meeting expectations in all domains, but we must remember that these are scary and unpredictable times for children. Focus on strengthening the connection through time spent following their lead, through physical touch, through play, through therapeutic books, and via verbal reassurances that you will be there for them in this time.

13. Lower expectations and practice radical self-acceptance. This idea is connected with #12. We are doing too many things in this moment, under fear and stress. This does not make a formula for excellence. Instead, give yourself what psychologists call “radical self acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback. You cannot fail at this—there is no roadmap, no precedent for this, and we are all truly doing the best we can in an impossible situation.

14. Limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children. One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute. The information is often sensationalized, negatively skewed, and alarmist. Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (again 30 minutes tops, 2-3 times daily). Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.

15. Notice the good in the world, the helpers. There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in regarding this pandemic. There are also a ton of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in miraculous ways. It is important to counter-balance the heavy information with the hopeful information.

16. Help others. Find ways, big and small, to give back to others. Support restaurants, offer to grocery shop, check in with elderly neighbors, write psychological wellness tips for others—helping others gives us a sense of agency when things seem out of control.

17. Find something you can control, and control the heck out of it. In moments of big uncertainty and overwhelm, control your little corner of the world. Organize your bookshelf, purge your closet, put together that furniture, group your toys. It helps to anchor and ground us when the bigger things are chaotic.

18. Find a long-term project to dive into. Now is the time to learn how to play the keyboard, put together a huge jigsaw puzzle, start a 15 hour game of Risk, paint a picture, read the Harry Potter series, binge watch an 8-season show, crochet a blanket, solve a Rubix cube, or develop a new town in Animal Crossing. Find something that will keep you busy, distracted, and engaged to take breaks from what is going on in the outside world.

19. Engage in repetitive movements and left-right movements. Research has shown that repetitive movement (knitting, coloring, painting, clay sculpting, jump roping etc) especially left-right movement (running, drumming, skating, hopping) can be effective at self-soothing and maintaining self-regulation in moments of distress.

20. Find an expressive art and go for it. Our emotional brain is very receptive to the creative arts, and it is a direct portal for release of feeling. Find something that is creative (sculpting, drawing, dancing, music, singing, playing) and give it your all. See how relieved you can feel. It is a very effective way of helping kids to emote and communicate as well!

21. Find lightness and humor in each day. There is a lot to be worried about, and with good reason. Counterbalance this heaviness with something funny each day: cat videos on YouTube, a stand-up show on Netflix, a funny movie—we all need a little comedic relief in our day, every day.

22. Reach out for help—your team is there for you. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist, they are available to you, even at a distance. Keep up your medications and your therapy sessions the best you can. If you are having difficulty coping, seek out help for the first time. There are mental health people on the ready to help you through this crisis. Your children’s teachers and related service providers will do anything within their power to help, especially for those parents tasked with the difficult task of being a whole treatment team to their child with special challenges. Seek support groups of fellow home-schoolers, parents, and neighbors to feel connected. There is help and support out there, any time of the day—although we are physically distant, we can always connect virtually.

23. “Chunk” your quarantine, take it moment by moment. We have no road map for this. We don’t know what this will look like in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month from now. Often, when I work with patients who have anxiety around overwhelming issues, I suggest that they engage in a strategy called “chunking”—focusing on whatever bite-sized piece of a challenge that feels manageable. Whether that be 5 minutes, a day, or a week at a time—find what feels doable for you, and set a time stamp for how far ahead in the future you will let yourself worry. Take each chunk one at a time, and move through stress in pieces.

24. Remind yourself daily that this is temporary. It seems in the midst of this quarantine that it will never end. It is terrifying to think of the road stretching ahead of us. Please take time to remind yourself that although this is very scary and difficult, and will go on for an undetermined amount of time, it is a season of life and it will pass. We will return to feeing free, safe, busy, and connected in the days ahead.

25. Find the lesson. This whole crisis can seem sad, senseless, and at times, avoidable. When psychologists work with trauma, a key feature to helping someone work through said trauma is to help them find their agency, the potential positive outcomes they can effect, the meaning and construction that can come out of destruction. What can each of us learn here, in big and small ways, from this crisis? What needs to change in ourselves, our homes, our communities, our nation, and our world?

(x)

[mamaskillerqueen]

hi, i’m requesting a blurb where ben unintentionally says i love you for the first time to the reader before ending a phone call. they are in a long distance relationship atm because of their work schedules (plus they just started dating, like 3 months in idk) since they’re in different timezones, reader has to go to bed soon. they exchange their goodbyes and ben throws in an love you unintentionally. (1/2)

then reader confronts ben about it the next day or so to see if he knew he said it without realizing, which admits he did but then he says it again because he means it lol. (2/2) sorry for the long request i’m in need of some ben content 😅

A/N: ahhhh I love this!!! Thank you so much for requesting it! I hope you like this. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it but I hope it’s what you were looking for! (I am always in my Ben feels so this request has me so mushy 🥰)

Staying up so late was really starting to weigh on you. For the millionth time in the last three months the clock struck half one in the morning, battling a yawn and doing your best to keep your eyes open. He was late.

For the last three months, every single night at 1:20pm, your phone was ringing to bring you the voice you so desperately missed. The crackle of the connection even bearable. It had been too long since you heard him properly.

You had been looking forward to his call all day but as the time slipped away, you were just getting more and more tired. Five minutes had gone by when it finally rang. Your eyes shot open and you quickly answered, a yawn at the ready as you greeted him.

“Hello to you too,” he chuckled.

“Sorry, it’s late. I was trying not to fall asleep.”

Starting to date Ben was probably the best thing you had ever done. Even if you had only had two weeks together before he flew away to an exotic land to film some crazy movie, leaving the majority of your relationship tied up in phone calls, text messages, and FaceTimes.

“I know, I was running a bit late. We’ll make it a quick call. Tell me about your day.”

It never failed, he always wanted to hear about your day first. Your day that never changed, was continuously the same thing over and over, work, walk, dinner, shower, read, and then watch a movie until he called. He was always so interested sounding too. Never once letting on that maybe you should get more of a life.

“Oh, and Lisa said there is a great little pop up market this weekend. I think we’re gonna grab brunch and go shopping all day Saturday.”

You loved getting to go out and do fun things with your friends on the weekends that you had off but it was rare you managed to have the same weekends off. The whole time you had been explaining your day and plans you had been so animated. Barely even yawned once.

“Tell me about your day?”

The smooth, deep rumble of his voice in your ear was a lullaby and almost impossible to not start to fall asleep. He always helped you feel so calm and relaxed. Your eyes fell heavy before you caught your self and jolted up right. He must have heard this because he said,

“I should let you sleep, love.”

Your protest seemed to fall on deaf ears though because he was quick to cut in again.

“I’m off tomorrow. I’ll call you earlier and we’ll get to chat longer. Get some sleep. I love you, goodnight.”

The line went dead and your mouth hung open in shock. This was a dream. One hundred percent fantasy. Your overly tired brain cooked up a story to shut you up and put you to sleep. Except now you didn’t know if you could. He couldn’t have said that.

Could he have? Would he have said it so nonchalantly? You almost called him back but exhaustion was winning. Not to mention, what if he didn’t actually mean it? What if that had been a mistake?

The next day all you could think about was what Ben had said. The big “L” word. Was it time for that? You surely felt it, even if over half of your relationship was over the phone. If you were being honest, the first two weeks you’d fallen in love but refused to acknowledge it. It was scary. But you had to know if he meant it.

After work, delaying the inevitable, you went to the grocery shop and gathered all the things you’d need for the rest of the weeks lunches and dinners. Then you made dinner. Then you showered. Taking all the extra time you could before calling him. He’d texted you this morning, like every morning but today, he’s asked you to call him whenever you were ready. He seemed normal, which only made you more anxious.

When you finally called he sounded relieved and you almost wondered if he was as anxious as you. As the call went on though, it didn’t seem like it. Talking about your day was a struggle as you stumbled over the words you really wanted to say.

“Is everything okay?” He finally asked.

“Everything’s fine,” came your knee jerk answer.

It sounded like he was going to protest and so you quickly added,

“No, actually. Something’s been bothering me all day.”

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself. He seemed to sense that you would go on, he was always good at knowing when to talk and when to shut up and listen.

“Last night... when we hung up.”

“Yes,” he said after a while of silence.

“You said something.”

The more you stalled the more anxious you got but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. What if he hadn’t meant it?

“I said a lot of things, darling. You’re going to have to be specific.”

Heaving a sigh you decided you just needed to rip the bandaid off. The sting would only last a little while. Right?

“You said you loved me.”

Silence.

Still silent.

Your heart was racing, it was like time stood still. You sat frozen, your pumping heart the only indication you were still alive.

“Yes, I did. I do. Love you, I mean.”

Similarly to the previous night you sat with your jaw dropped open. Twice. He’s said it twice. This time for real, for real. Not like a figment of your imagination. You were fully awake, aware. He loved you.

Holy shit.

He loved you.

A clearing of his throat gave away his own anxiety and you had to gather your jaw off the floor to help alleviate his.

“Oh my god. I thought I was dreaming last night.”

An uncomfortable chuckle was what greeted you after that. It took a second but you finally realised you hadn’t said it back.

“I love you, too.”

Another relieved sigh met you, and then a faint chuckle.

“You had me a bit worried there for a second. Thought I might have scared you away.”

“Never.”

Three more weeks. You just had to make it three more weeks and then he’d be back in your arms. His voice would be clearer, deeper, and he’d say it again. Butterflies went rampant in your stomach at the thought.

Three weeks later you picked him up at the airport, he said he loved you again and it was the greatest thing you’d ever heard him say. For the next three days all you did was say the words back and forth fully appreciating the sound of each other’s voices not distorted through the phone line.

The start of forever never sounded so good.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

I know a lot of older people think it's a problem that so many young people don't want to have children, but I think it shows an increased understanding for how much of a responsibility parenting is and how much damage you can do to a child of you're not ready to raise someone.

I think that everyone is capable of being a good parent and I think that some people should never be parents. These may sound mutually exclusive but they aren't because there's a big if involved in the first half. That if, is that everyone is capable of being a good parent someday if they put in the work to take care of their own shit first.

When you become a parent or guardian, you are officially signing on to prioritize another person's physical and emotional needs before your own for the rest of their life. That means loving them no matter what they do or who they become. That means putting aside your own exhaustion and frustration at your day when they walk through the door so that you can be their champion and their confidant and their companion. That means teaching them how to process their emotions and think critically and empathetically and it means letting them find their own path, even if it's different than the one you wanted or imagined for them, but making it clear that if they need or want your comfort, your help, or just your ear that they will have it. You don't have to be perfect. No parent ever is, and it's important anyway for kids to learn in nontraumatic ways that adults make mistakes too and that's okay as long as you take responsibility for that and strive to learn and grow because of your mistakes. Kids learn by watching and listening to the adults around them and the things they conclude from those early years of observation will stick with them the rest of their lives.

I know that that sounds scary. It probably should because deciding to raise a child should be the biggest decision you can make, and if it's not, you may not be taking it seriously enough.

I also know that this is hard. And I have the greatest respect for people who truly understand this and decide to raise a tiny person anyway.

I'm also not trying to discourage you from becoming a parent. You may not be ready now, but that doesn't mean you can't be later. I personally would love to be a mom some day not I know that I have a lot of personal growth and healing I need to take care of first, to say nothing of the stabilization of my financial and career status.

The real question is what can you do to be a better parent, guardian, or even trusted adult to someone else's child (a really important and valid role and choice in itself!) later?

First off, you need to do some hard core introspection to figure out what traits and behaviors you have that might exhibit that would interfere in your ability to be a good parent. Maybe you're still emotionally immature. Maybe you're struggling with uncontrolled mental illness, chronic illness, or addiction. Maybe you've internalized some toxic ideas. Maybe you're still recovering from trauma or just now realizing that what you have even is trauma. None of these things makes you a bad person and none of them stops you from being capable to becoming a good parent. But, all of them can interfere with your ability to model healthy behaviors and coping skills to your child. Children learn through observation and, because their brains need the world to make sense and be predictable, they're going to interpret everytime you seem upset or lose your cool as being their fault. Young children aren't capable of going "mom is upset and snapped over something relatively trivial, she must be having a bad day/be tired/etc" because that's an interpretation of the world that is outside their control. Instead, they're going to go "I did x and mom got mad at me, it's my fault so I better not do x again" and that's a really harmful mindset that can contribute to self-worth issues and other mental illnesses like anxiety, especially if this happens long-term (for the record, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to snap over stupid things because being a grown-up is hard, so when you inevitably make this mistake it's important to be honest and upfront with your child about what happened, why, how it's not their fault, and you have to genuinely apologize for it, turning your mistake into a chance to model good adult behavior).

It's important to take care of yourself and let yourself grow and heal before bringing a kid into the mix because 1. you'll be a better parent if you start out in a better place emotionally and mentally, and 2. because you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy and it's much harder to address the things that are interfering with that when your also trying to juggle the additional emotional/mental demands of raising a child.

Additionally, I definitely recommend making sure you and anyone else taking a primary caretaker role in your child's life is in a stable financial and that the relationship between you and any other caretakers is stable and amicable regardless of what kind of relationship it is. The financial aspect is important because kids are expensive as hell (both the having/acquiring and the raising) and you want to be able to provide then with the best possible shot at life.

This isn't about me but I feel like the example will be helpful. We weren't poverty level growing up, but even as a child it was clear to me that we could be. My parents were 20 year old newlyweds when they got pregnant. My dad had been set up to inherit a position in his father and grandfather's construction company and did not go to college because they thought he was guaranteed a steady job. My mom was paying for a college education she couldn't afford because no one had ever explained how to get financial aid and scholarships to her and her parents were too caught up in their own shit to be anything but relieved about getting to make her future my dad's problem. Then they got pregnant. They started building a house that took much longer to build then expected because that construction business dad was expecting to inherit went out of business because it turned out that a cousin had been embezzling and my great-grandmother wouldn't let them sue or press charges against family. Mom had to drop out of college to raise me because daycare costs as much as she makes at work and she no longer has the time or funds. They had a baby they weren't prepared to raise and my dad's new job had him working in the Texas heat all day before going and working on our house at night so that we could move out of my maternal grandfather's house now that he was getting divorced and couldn't afford it. My parents society never saw each other and they were constantly worried about money. Less than two years after I was born they accidentally got pregnant with my brother. He ended up with failure to thrive and (although he did eventually recover) it raked up a serious amount of debt in addition to my mom's student loans and the mortgage. Flash forward four more years and my dad falls through a roof at a construction site and permanently cripples his ankle. Cue a year of the only breadwinner in the household being unable to work, several surgeries and massive medical bills we can't pay. A year after that my mom has to have a historectomy because her fibroids are causing immense pain and then they find pre-cancerous cells. Another year after that she starts having unexplained siezures and signs of organ failure that will take years to diagnose as a rare autoimmune disorder that will leave her disabled and, again, rake up serious medical debt. I found out in college that it came to the point that we almost lost the house but as a kid I still always knew we were struggling. And that fucks with a kid's head. There were reasons I didn't tell my parents that something was wrong for a week after I sprained my wrist when I was 10 and it wasn't just because I didn't want to sound like I was asking for attention (a phobia that also comes from having emotionally immature parents). I pushed myself ridiculously hard in school because I knew I couldn't expect any help paying for college from my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty anytime I spend more than 20 dollars even though it's my money and I need groceries or textbooks or gas or whatever. A lot of these issues would have been financially difficult and unpredictable, but had my parents been in a more stable position when they got married and started having kids, it would have been much easier to weather the storms.

Additionally, money is the main thing couples fight about, so if you can take that off the table as a significant concern before bringing kids into the mix, please do. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that you can't address higher order concerns like personal growth of your worried about where your next meal is coming from and that goes for your children as well.

Again, I'm not trying to shame people for their financial difficulties. Most of us are playing at a game we were never intended to win and I get that not all children are planned. But, your good intentions unfortunately will not put food on the table or pay the rent and your children will have a lot less stress in their lives if you are able to make sure that things are as stable as possible before you bring them into it.

The same goes for your relationship with fellow caretakers. Don't try to have kids to save your relationship. Don't ever make your children feel like your relationship is in anyway their responsibility. Again, they need their world to make sense and if you're fighting they're probably going to assume it's somehow their fault. Don't do that to them.

Anyway, this rant turned out a lot longer than I intended but I think I needed to say it. In summary, raising children is not about you but your going to make it about you unless you take care of your own shit first. Children don't ask to be born. If you're not ready for that responsibility, either don't have kids or put in the work so that you will be. If you already have kids, and don't have your shit together, there's still time but it's going to be harder and you might have to do some damage control from any traumas you may have already inflicted on your child, regardless of your intentions. If that's the case, you have a responsibility to get your kid the help they need and do everything in your power to avoid further harm. You're the adult in this situation, and if you're going to be a parent, you need to act like it.