#it’s funny because the last guy said I’d be catching another body in 6 months

[alexxxx-ithymia]

So NYC is 2/2 for me spending my first night there getting my back blown out LMAO

I can’t believe I forgot to post about this on my birthday a month ago

So like, I finally hooked up with a guy I’ve been friends with for years when I was up in NYC for my birthday. One could argue I’m using the term “friend” loosely here because we’ve had an on and off again flirting situation for YEARS.

We were supposed to get dinner together when I was up there back in October, but it was a mutual friend’s birthday so we couldn’t find the time. Since it was my birthday this time, however, we were able to make the time.

First off, I busted my ass because I missed the last step going down to the Airbnb 😭 Surprisingly, I didn’t feel an ounce of embarrassment and luckily I didn’t hurt myself so I just laughed it off. He was slightly concerned though and didn’t laugh

We got dinner the day before my birthday and talked for a couple hours. Then at the end he asked if I wanted to go to a bar or go back to his place. At first I said I’d be down to go to a bar but then he pointed out how I literally just said I don’t have more than 2-3 drinks and I had 2 at dinner so he offered his place again. (If we hadn’t been friends for years, I would’ve stuck to the bar and just not drank but we’ve built up enough trust for me to feel safe) So we get an Uber back to his and this is where the stars aligned for him to be the smoothest mf in the planet.

The driver’s seat was too far back for my legs to fit comfortably so he goes “oh, why don’t you scoot over here for more room?” So I scoot over and he puts his arm around me and rests his hand on my hip. Then we circle back to talking about the Topicals Slick Salve (we were talking about it earlier in the night with another friend when he came and picked me up) He asks to try it and I was like “yeah, I have it right here” and he asks if I have any on at the moment and that’s when it clicked so I put some more on and offered to have him try it. Then we made out in the backseat of the Uber the entire rest way to his place (that poor driver) That’s when things went from 0 to 100 because it was immediate open mouth French kissing when I was expecting a cute lil make out moment for us kissing for the first time. This energy continued when we got to his building where we were holding hands going to up to his apartment, which was a very cute and wholesome moment

When we got inside his apartment, we sat on his couch and started making out again. He asked what I was comfortable with and I told him I was down for wherever we end up going. I was straddling his lap while wearing a skirt so he offered me a pair of his shorts that I declined because the offer is cute and all but I’m a big bitch. His shorts weren’t going over these hips. But I did take the skirt off and was standing there in my bodysuit and watched him admire my body after he had switched into a pair of grey sweat shorts (because of course he chose the grey ones) After trying unsuccessfully to lay down and make out on his couch, he asked if I was comfortable enough to move to his bed. I said I was so he grabbed me by the hips and guided me to his room

We get to his bed and you can assume what happened after that.

I will say he was a lot rougher than I expected. Not that I’m opposed to it, but again, I wasn’t expecting it on the first link. Especially because I would never have assumed that energy from our conversations. In hindsight, I think he was a little excited and overzealous so he had to pull out all the moves because he did say he was gonna make the most of it. I should’ve taken a moment to be like “relax. I’m not going anywhere,” but alas. There were some tender moments where I’d stroke his cheek, kiss his nose, and lay on his chest. He also wished me happy birthday when it turned midnight so he was the first person to say it. Even beating out my bestie who I was staying with when she called and asked if she was the first and he mouthed “tell her yes!” When I was putting my boots on to leave, I noticed one of my heels broke from when I had fallen down the stairs earlier. He asked to see and then attempted to put my boot on my foot and I made a joke about me being Cinderella and he rolled his eyes. He also had to use his inhaler before we left 🤭 We were joking as he was walking me to my Uber and he kissed me goodbye

Overall, it felt like it was a long time coming and such a slow burn leading up to this moment. I also noticed that this was the first time I’ve had sex and not overthought every single thing. I just went with the flow, trusted myself, and let myself actually enjoy it. Idk if it’s due to it being with a longtime friend or because I’m just having more experience with sex in general, but yeah. It was nice being in the moment instead of my head for once. Even though I didn’t enjoy it as much as with the other guy in October, I’d sleep with him again if the opportunity arises. The sex wasn’t bad at all and I actually enjoyed experiencing this new level of roughness. But the reason I didn’t enjoy it as much is because it felt like a lot for a first link. There was a lack of softness, tenderness, and consideration that I really appreciated from my experience with the other guy. This time was very fast paced as opposed to the other guy where we sat in the moment and took things slower and asked questions and had check ins

But yeah, if there’s a next time, I’ll be sure to slow the pace down for sure

[shinymooncolor]

Hi!

So - had two prompts that I’ve combined into this chat!

As always @lumosinlove is the mastermind of this wonderful fandom. 💖

I want to thank you all! Over 20 snippets and chats now. You guys are absolutely incredible and I can’t believe the feedback and love and good vibes I get from you. Thank you! I’m all done with prompts except for one which is the next chat - so I’ll be open for your ideas 😍

@frombeauxbatons and @canesinthecrease just because you inspire me ❤️

The boys are being naughty at a team event. Don’t worry. Consent was given on all accounts - they’re good boys! But they’re also a bunch of frat boys with muscles.

Remus plans a prank. He blames dumo and James. Nado organizes. Sergei wins. Timmy loses. Dumo is a prankster too. Olli is sneaky. Sirius is not in on the prank. Kuny is Kuny. Nat is amazing. Kris is an ally. Nado is also the team’s phoebe. (Friends reference)

Sweater weather chat #14

——

Saturday 5.22 pm

Nado created a group chat.

Nado named the group chat THE BIG LIONS HEIST 2020.

Nado added James, Remus, Dumo

Nado: hey Re. Remember the plan? We need to get all the boys to take the selfie before he notices

Remus: Nado. We’ve gone over this multiple times. I’ll get the phone from Sirius. I still think this is a disaster but you and James are very convincing

James: it’s a fucking awesome plan. He won’t notice I bet

Nado: also extra points if you get him all worked up😂

James: I don’t wanna spend an entire evening looking at Sirius trying to hide a hard-on

Nado: why not? It’s funny 😂

Dumo: why did remus get the easiest job?

Remus: I’m the only one who gets to put my hands in Sirius’ pocket.

Nado: awwww jealous?? You know we see him naked like several times a day?

Dumo: you’re not supposed to look.

Nado: I’m curious about the human body!

James: well we’ve all had sneak peaks. Still scared of Sergei

Dumo: he should hAve a tramp stamp saying heavy machinery

Nado: lets get him drunk!!!! Brady can ink him!!!!

Remus: you are not inking anyone without their consent. Also; have you met his wife? She’d skin you all alive.

Dumo: she would. I’ve seen her make a reporter cry.

James: why?

Dumo: the reporter insinuated things about Kuny. Not sure what he said but based on the cursing and sunny having to physically restrain her I think it was bad

Nado: yikes anyways we got everyone on board. I’ll kick cap out the group chat once you’ve swiped the phone. Now go get your tuxes on. We’ve got rich old ladies to woo.

Dumo: you’re not supposed to take them home.

Nado: I never saw that rule. Older ladies knows some shit. Damn. Cougars are wild!

Remus: I’m not treating sex injuries

Nado: you treated Kuny’s groin last month?

Remus: that was from the ice.

Nado: sure it was 😜

Dumo: I’m ending this. Go change and BEHAVE tonight

——

Saturday 8.54 pm

Nadotheman removed siriusly from the group chat

Nadotheman added Remus to the group chat

Nadotheman changed Remus to Loops

Blizzard: did you do it? You have the phone?

Loops: yes. I did my part. Your guys are up

Nadotheman: okay here are the rules for the 2020 lions heist (this year we’re doing truth and dare the lions way - so mostly dare)

1. We have 3 hours and cap’s phone. Each team member has to get a selfie with cap in the frame. The best (dirtiest) photo wins 😜

2. CAP CANT KNOW

3. Leo and Walker are starting and they get to chose the next one. You’ve all got one photo each

4. To be considered we need the photo sent to this chat before midnight.

5. Remus is the ref on this little game.

6. If you lose. You’ve gotta tell us 3 secrets. He he we get to pick when.

DamnFoxy: how is this a prank on cap?

Prongstar: he’s always being swarmed and it’s fun. He’s our canvas and we need to fill in the blanks. It’s like hide and seek meeting truth and dare meeting Pictionary meeting Snapchat

CarbO’Hara: so we can start? Cause Kuny’s been snogging that girl for 4 minutes now? Does he not need to breathe?

Nadotheman: that’s two points for Leo!

CarbO’Hara: @newt-leo? WhY? I saw him first?

Newt-Leo: he’s snogging someone at the shrimp buffet. That’s open season. Also he’s still not come up for air? And it was my turn to start @krisvolley and @prongstar you’re it

KrisVolley: @blizzard & @lewilliam you’re up

LeWilliam: blizzard is cheating!!! He got his girlfriend’s friend to kiss him!!!! And Nat was touching cap’s butt

Blizzard: read the rules man. I’m not cheating

LeWilliam: but it’s unfair?

Blizzard: not my fault. I’m winning.

Loops: @lewilliam I’m pretty sure Nat and blizzard saved cap from a handsy old lady.

Blizzard: @sergei_81 & @kaneyoudigit you’re up

Kaneyoudigit: Hahahaha hahahha pretty sure sergei and me are gonna win.

Dumodad: sergeu just manhandled a very confused looking Sirius all the way back to the toilets?

Nadotheman: wait. Where’s Kuny?

KrisVolley: yeah Sergei definitely won.

Kaneyoudigit: I’ve got a pic too!!!

Logantremblayzzz: well you’ve got only half a cap. Sergei got himself and cap giving thumbs up.

Sunnysideup: you forgot you were supposed to be in the photo @kaneyoudigit 😂

Prongstar: so it’s not even 10 and Kuny’s already half naked in the bathroom. It’s like you guys aren’t even tryin. Didn’t even get a selfie with cap in it yet. Also he wasn’t supposed to know.

Sergei_81: he not know game he think I just want pic for Kuny. Keep try but I’m win.

Krisvolley: well that was smart. Back to the game boys. @dumodad & @logantremblayzzz you’re up

Sergei_81: why you sound surprised? Brat. I’m smart.

——

Nadotheman: everyone got their pics in?

Walkietalkie: yeah. Finno was last with Olli. They’ve just sent it - nice job Olli 😜 timmy didn’t send one tho

Loops: I don’t think I want to know. Olli. How the hell did you get cap to do that?

Ollibear: I just asked him to get some fresh air with me. How could I know timmy was getting acquainted with a girl behind the curtain? 😇

DumoDAD: acquainted? Is that what it’s called now?

RussianGod: at least I go to toilet for hookup

KrisVolley: you’re all terrible.

Sunnysideup: you sent a selfie with you and cap in front of the girls kissing in the corner....

KrisVolley: I’m a proud ally!

Talkiewalkie: to be fair you both look incredible uncomfortable

KrisVolley: it’s a stupid game

Timmyforrealz: HEY?! You losers hear about privacy?

Ollibear: if you want privacy don’t hook up with someone behind a curtain at a fancy nightclub.... also you didn’t send a pic. You’ve lost.

Timmyforrealz: I didn’t lose hah. Maybe I lost your dumb game

Prongstar: don’t blame the game for her dumping you. Also you lost some buttons on your shirt, your tie is a disaster and your dignity is hanging on by a thread

Timmyforrealz: she didn’t dump me. I decided not to pursue it further!

Russiangod: whatever u say. Come on who win?

Loops added siriusly to the group chat

Siriusly: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Why am I in all of these selfies?

Loops: you’re cute when you’re annoyed. I had nothing to do with this😇

Prongstar: captain my captain. It was all loops’ idea. We’ve got a selfie collection for you.

Siriusly: you idiots have spent an entire evening running Around trying to take selfies with me and not tell me?

DumoDAD: it was fun. You didn’t catch on when Sergei asked you to pose in front of Kuny clearly going at it?

Siriusly: I thought it was a prank on Kuny? Like steal his clothes and all/ wait didn’t you steal his clothes?

Nadotheman: we should’ve. Dammit

Sergei_81: loops who win????

Loops: timmy lost.

Siriusly: wait it that why Nat was patting my butt? She said I’d been sitting in something? @blizzard!!!!

Blizzard: 😜

Siriusly: should I be offended? She did ask if it was okay. Wait. Why did I have to be in the photos? You’re not doing another collage?

Prongstar: of course! Last year was cap sleeping in different places.

Siriusly: you’re all idiots. How did you even get my phone??

Loops: ...

Siriusly: oh.

Talkiewalkie: awwwwww... 😜

Timmyforrealz: anyone seen my wallet?

Ollibear: I give up. 🙏🏻

[spencersawkward]

switchblade faith//spencer reid - chapter 6

summary: one month after joining the BAU, Clea is still settling in. between solving murders and getting acclimated to DC, the only comfortable thing in her life is her friendship with Dr. Spencer Reid.

relationship: Fem!OC/Spencer

content warnings: discussion of mental illness (schizophrenia)

word count: 4.4k

masterlist

the thing about growing up in a place where there are so many dinosaur fossils is that you start to search for them everywhere. my friends and I, in elementary school, saw the enormous bones, those huge sockets where eyes used to sit. and even though there was nothing in them now, they seemed to glare back at us. if you stood right in front, face-to-face, it felt like looking down the barrel of a gun. a several-ton, reptilian gun. petrifying.

and it wasn't like there was much to do in Montana, anyway. sometimes the sheer expanse of that place, especially if we drove a bit out of town, was enough to put fear in me. like we'd been abandoned there.

when my mom got her migraines, I dug holes in the front yard. occasionally, I'd find something-- a funnily-shaped rock, usually-- and it would look enough like a dinosaur tooth that for a moment I'd deceive myself into thinking that I'd made a discovery. it didn't matter that actual remnants would be buried much, much further in the ground than I could turn with my small hands. but I liked the slight rush it sent through my body, seeing what other people hadn't. sitting back on my heels and brushing off the excess, the only thing I could hear was my breath. there's something quite serene about that, the focusing in on something which normally I would never think about. my heart pounding. and I collected my findings so that I would be able to put them together again when there were enough pieces.

but this doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, particularly not when I'm short on time and staring at an upsettingly pathetic evidence board.

"the unsub said we needed a book, didn't he?" Spencer brings me to attention. there's an unfolded paper on the board that Hotch's wife dropped off an hour ago. he's talking to her in his office about who delivered it; we don't know anything else. all it has is a bunch of numbers written in neat black ink.

"yep." I bite the end of my pen and frown. "one that 'inspired many an adventure.'"

"then it's a book code," Reid says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I arch an eyebrow and he continues. "each one of these sets of numbers represents a specific word. page 118, line 30, word 3." he points one long finger at a certain spot, and I follow it.

"so we just need to figure out what the words are and fill in the blanks," I lean forward in my chair, cradling a cup of coffee that's starting to grow cold. "except what book are we looking for?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. I lean back in my seat; if Reid doesn't know, we're all screwed. "the thing is that it has to be the exact same edition of the exact same book."

"that's encouraging." I sigh. the useless feeling puts me in a bad mood. we're wasting time by sitting and learning nothing. although there's nowhere to go.

I'm not sure how long we're there; hours, at least. night becomes less heavy, hues of a purplish pink sky slotting through the blinds and reminding me of just how exhausted I am. not enough to sleep. bone-tired.

Spencer crosses his arms, leans his chin on his fist and stares at the numbers like they'll suddenly make sense. and maybe they will; I don't know how his head works. some miracle that has eluded us for the past few hours might appear now. but the longer I stare, the more confused I get. instead, I start to sift through the pile of other evidence pieces scattered around the table. we could be missing something.

"you know, I can understand how this guy got our addresses and phone numbers, but there's no way all that information about JJ's butterfly obsession or Rossi's trips to baseball games would be in our personnel files." I frown. those things wouldn't be relevant.

Spencer isn't even listening to me, though. he's muttering to himself, eyes flickering over the floor.

"'never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight,'" he says it more loudly, then finally focuses on me. "it sounds familiar-- I think I've heard it somewhere before."

I also get the feeling that I've heard it before, except it keeps slipping my memory. a lot of rhyming poetry leaves my mind after I finish reading it, and I don't want to lead us in the wrong direction, either. he uncaps a dry erase marker and hurries over to the white board, writing "Possible Book Titles" in messy scrawl, staring at it. I watch him for a moment, the way he talks to himself as he works through his thoughts, certain words floating in the air.

"how many books do you think are published every year?" I ask. maybe if we can narrow that down, we can get a better perspective on how to proceed. Spencer doesn't even look up.

"thousands. easily." he sighs dejectedly. and then his head snaps up. "year... every year."

he spins and starts to push all the evidence bags aside on the table, scrambling to grab something. I don't know what to say about his fervent behavior. I'm speechless when he finds the baseball card. he shoves it in my face. "1963."

"what about it?" I take the card.

"if the book has to be the right volume and the right publication date, why is this from 1963?"

his eyes are enormous. wide pupils that urge me to catch onto his line of thought. for a moment, I have no idea what he's talking about. my eyes run over the baseball card for what feels like the millionth time, examining the date. I slam the thing down on the table and we look at each other.

"Rossi said 1959." I say. he nods.

"so the book must be from 1963, or it wouldn't fit the pattern," Reid straightens and runs his hands through his hair, his spine finally straightening as he takes a deep breath. I can practically sense the electric current that radiates from his body while he thinks. "I'm gonna go ask Garcia about something."

he's gone before I have a chance to respond.

...

the rest of the day gets really weird really fast. as all of us are focused on finding the unsub, I fall into a daze. I don't eat, don't drink anything other than tankards of coffee while my eyes start to burn from looking at the board.

we've finished talking on the phone to a librarian at some facility in Virginia, where the exact edition of the book we've been seeking is housed. it took about half an hour for us to go through each blank in the code with her. somehow, that prompted Spencer to think of his mom, so he called her and requested she be flown out here from Las Vegas immediately. the whole time he's on the phone, he rocks back and forth on his heels and keeps glancing at me.

I pretend to be focused on the pile of evidence, not wanting to intrude. he already told me about his mom, and I'm assuming this has something to do with her being a professor of medieval literature. it's not really my place to question it.

when he hangs up, he doesn't say anything to me. there's quite literally nothing else for us to do. I clear my throat, lick my lips, and sit a bit straighter. he's still standing with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"um," I wrack my mind for anything that would take our minds off the waiting. "do you wanna play cards?"

Spencer tries to smile. it looks more like a wince as he nods. with Prentiss and Morgan talking to the guy who delivered the code papers and Hotch and Rossi on their way to interview the parents of the missing girl (whose name is Rebecca Bryant, apparently), we're kind of aimless.

I head to the bullpen to grab my favorite deck, then return and close the door behind me. there are plenty of other employees out there bustling around, and the noise probably won't help his anxiety. he's sitting in the chair next to where I was, leaning his elbow against the table while he presses his knuckles to his temple. he looks incredibly pensive.

"here." I plop down next to him.

"thanks."

"mhmm." instead of starting a conversation, I just shuffle the deck. the only sounds are the flutter of paper against paper and the slap of the cards on the table's surface. his eyes follow the movements of my hands, the way I bend and mix them up, before eventually dealing them out.

it should be awkward, but it's not. the weight of his thoughts fills enough of the space for the both of us; I can practically hear him running through scenarios in his mind, ever.

we start to play for a couple minutes in silence, and I'm in shock when he's the one who initiates a game of war. all I do is smile to myself as the pile in the middle of the table begins. we get caught up in it; both of us are tense, and he finally slaps his hand down on the pile before I do. my hand is covering his, evidence of my defeat.

"hey!" he cheers, looking up at me with a surprised grin and dragging the pile towards him. I narrow my eyes.

"I was distracted." I roll my eyes.

"yeah?" he starts to laugh as he sets forth another card. "by what? how I'm crushing you?"

"you get one hand and suddenly you're the master, now, huh?" I can't help but giggle. he nods and smiles like, yeah, pretty much. I scoff and we continue to play. halfway through the next round, he speaks up.

"I forgot she always used to read me that poem."

"what poem?" I frown.

"The Parliament of Fowls-- it's how we figured out the book title."

the name slides into place for me at last. I must have read it in college or something, because it didn't leave that big of an imprint on my memory.

"Chaucer?" I raise an eyebrow. his head startles up from staring at the table.

"yeah." he smiles a little. 

"I'm not entirely stupid." I wink before setting down another card. he makes a noncommittal noise.

he seems to get uncomfortable, shifting, then gives up on his previous train of thought. "it's kind of funny, isn't it?"

I just give him an inquisitive look.

"I should have realized sooner. nobody knows things like the fact that JJ collected butterflies except for me." he isn't looking at me, but I notice that he does seem more relaxed than before. his shoulders aren't so hunched over, and there's even a hint of a thoughtful smile on his face.

"that's sweet." I reply softly.

"people tell me their secrets all the time," he stops putting out cards. I stop, too, although he doesn't even notice that we're no longer playing the game. his back is reclined in the chair. "I think it's because they know I don't have anyone to betray them to."

my heart sinks in my chest at the implication. his tone is a bit melancholy, but there's something else in it, too, that I can't quite place. like a resigned loneliness. I want to say something, though I'm not sure what. and I don't think it would make a difference anyway. he continues on before I have to, thankfully.

"except my mom. I tell her... pretty much everything." he looks up at me when he says the last part, smiling. his eyes sparkle, and something about the low tone of voice and the way he gives up all of this at once makes me think that Spencer hasn't spent much time telling his own secrets. only hearing others', storing them away.

"I don't think anyone would mind." I reply.

"you know, I write her a letter every day." his laugh is really lovely. my heart stutters.

"I think that's nice."

"well, it depends on why I write her."

"what do you mean?" this time I frown, my fingertips fidgeting with each other under the table. I hate that I'm nervous right now, worried that I'll somehow ruin the moment.

"I write her letters... so that I don't feel so guilty about not visiting her." each syllable like its own individual battle for him.

the admission is like a cement block between us, something ridiculously heavy that he has compressed and repressed until it's too solid to hide anymore. and he's avoiding contact when he says it, and the moments after. his fingertips mess around with a stray paper clip, twisting the thing into oblivion.

"did you know that schizophrenia is genetically passed?" he asks, then peeks up to gauge my reaction. schizophrenia.

"how long has she been diagnosed?" my own eyes are barely able to hold his. everything in my body wants to reach out and hug him, even though that would only ruin this. Spencer isn't a fan of physical touch.

"since before I was born," he shrugs, poking his palm with the end of the paper clip. "she was on meds but didn't get placed in Bennington until I was eighteen." this also seems to be bitter in his mouth. "you get used to it. it's just... I won't know for a while."

I nod. it likely won't manifest for a couple years with him, but that only puts a ticking clock over his head. and, judging by the way his body is sinking into the swivel chair, he senses it constantly. I wish I could tell him that he doesn't have it, that he won't have it, except I can't. there's no way for anyone to find out right now.

"I'm sorry, Spence." it's a weak thing to say-- stupid, really. I've never had a way with words. instead, I pour every ounce of my emotion into it. I don't want him to feel alone. I guess I'm sorry for that, too, along with everything else. nobody deserves to deal with that by themselves.

"it's okay," he smiles. "it is what it is, right?"

"I mean, I think it's a little more complicated than that. but yeah." wow, really fucking eloquent. he chuckles at this, though, brushing his fingers over the top of his deck of cards. he flips the top one over and we return to playing, leaving the conversation to lie open between us.        

...

my body feels like it's been dragged through a corn field by the time we get back to the office. I think I'm still a little in shock, honestly. this whole day has been jam-packed with things, easily the most intense case I've had yet. my morning was occupied by a code-cracking book search, then a series of out-of-place card games with Reid, then his mother arrived and I left them to talk so as not to overwhelm her.

we rescued Rebecca Bryant-- Spencer did, I mean. it was chivalric, how he went into the house and tried to talk down her kidnapper (who happened to be her father). the guy blew himself up, and Morgan tells me that they barely got out of the way in time. I was on the main level with Hotch, trying to find Rebecca. again, Reid came to the rescue with that eidetic memory, recalling the puzzle pieces and a photograph that included an illuminated basement light. the key he received in the mail slipped into her shackles with ease, unlocking her before we carried her out onto the lawn and watched the house burn into an ash-covered shell of itself. I remember the way the smoke billowed into the air, how sparks fluttered out of the windows and dissipated into nothingness.

I stood there like a rock, Reid stumbling up next to me. his face was covered in a sheen of sweat, and his hair was curlier than usual. the heat must have ruined whatever he usually used to smooth it down.

"hey." I'd said, putting my hand on his shoulder as if to offer some kind of stability. he glanced at me with something like unease, then tried to straighten up.

"hi."

"I heard you were a hero in there."

"did Morgan say that?"

"yeah, why?" I laughed. Reid chuckled, shook his head slowly.

"he's teasing me."

"for what?" I frowned.

"pure irony. you know how he always calls me 'pretty boy' and stuff?"

"I sure do." my fist came up to softly slug him in the shoulder. Spencer stumbled a bit and my eyes went wide as I tried to right him before he fell. he made a face as he regained his footing and then I giggled. "you okay, there?"

"I'm fine." he tried to be annoyed, but he was hiding a smile.

"is Rebecca gonna be okay?" I nodded to the ambulance, where he had just spent the past couple minutes talking to the paramedics and checking her condition.

"she'll be okay-- physically, I mean."

"seriously," I watched them close the doors to the vehicle, closing her up inside before they sped off to the hospital. "two years in there."

he nodded and we started to walk to our cars to meet up with the team and head to the office. we both knew his mother was still at Quantico, probably anxiously awaiting his return after she helped him crack the case. but he didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I asked something else that was on my mind.

"do you ever go back and look at old cases?"

"old cases?" he stared at the ground beneath his feet, kicking up the gravel as a way to distract himself. I cleared my throat.

"like, ones that you guys have solved. have you ever gone back and checked to see how the victims are doing now?"

"I haven't worked here long enough for that, really." he had shrugged. I remember how the air felt in my lungs, a little bit poisoned by smoke. still breathable as I inhaled it deeply.

"really makes you think."

"what do you mean?"

"'saving' people has to be more than just sweeping them out of harm's way at the last second, right?" I put air-quotes around the word.

he thinks this over, nodding.

"sorry, I know you're tired." one look at him and I realized that the question I'd posed was one for another time. he walked like there was some unconscionable weight on his shoulders, like he didn't think he deserved his moment of glory for saving that girl's life-- and ours, probably, too.

he looks the same now, pushing the glass doors of the BAU open and immediately focusing in on the windows of the conference room, where the blinds have been lowered to make Diana feel safer. I watch as he runs up the stairs, returning to her as soon as possible.

I wonder what it is to love someone that much, that fear for their well-being that puts you on edge.

Emily places a hand on my shoulder.

"you okay?" she asks, draws my attention away from the closed door of the round table room. I smile and nod cheerfully.

"yep. just ready to go to bed."

"no kidding," she scoffs, slamming her go-bag on her desk. "I feel like I've been up for days."

"so it wasn't just me?" I laugh as I set my things in my own space. she shakes her head slowly and Morgan walks over, his own gait seemingly heavy with exhaustion.

"plans for tonight, ladies?" he jokes.

"with my couch and takeout." Emily replies. once my bag is all packed up, she and Morgan and I wander out of the office. Rossi stops us at the last minute, joining before we head into the hallway to take the elevator downstairs.

I peek once to see Hotch sitting in his office, settled in with the light on like he's been there all day. my brain almost short-circuits at the thought of doing more work in any capacity right now.

"does he ever sleep?" I ask quietly as though he can hear me from all the way over here. Rossi glances at the unit chief through the window, shaking his head slowly and letting out the kind of knowing chuckle that only older people have.

"nope."

"wait," Morgan sees our small grouping, almost does a head count as JJ emerges from her office and sidles up silently next to me while we wait for the steel doors to open. "where's the kid?"

"Spence is flying his mom back to Vegas." JJ replies right away. when I saw him disappear into that room, I knew they wouldn't leave for a while; moving her around so much can't be good for her mental state. but I guess they're eager to get her to the sanitarium, which also makes sense.

"oh, okay." Morgan shrugs. I chance a look in that direction. the blinds are still drawn. Medieval literature. huh. part of me begins to think about all the things she must know, must have passed down to Reid.

...

"I'm gonna say... three." my voice is uncertain at first, but then the flavor coats my tongue and I smack my lips. "yeah."

Spencer's nonresponse is damning. I hear the puff of air he exhales in frustration as I lift the sleeping mask up from my eyes. I got it from my go-bag; we've decided to repurpose it for the morning in the office. technically, we could just close our eyes and keep it simple, but I thought it would be sort of funny because there are two huge cartoon eyes printed on the front.

"I'm right, aren't I?" I smirk, eyes landing on his crossed arms and taut expression. he shrugs.

"I think you're cheating."

"how am I cheating?" I laugh.

"I don't know, but you are." he shakes his head as I wrap my fingers around the handle and take a sip of the coffee. we're taste-testing to see who's better at finding the sugar content. it's become a pattern of ours: I make him a cup and he makes me one and then we drop in the sugar packets while the other keeps their eyes covered. it's actually pretty fun, especially because I'm good at it.

"your turn, then." I take off the sleeping mask and hand it over to him. he slips the thing over his eyes and waits patiently for me to put the sugar packets in. I chew on my bottom lip as I decide what number to do.

as I do this, JJ stands behind my shoulder.

"nap time, Spence?" she asks him with a chuckle. I explain before he has the opportunity to slander me with more cheating accusations.

"we're trying to see how good we are at detecting the number of sugars." I pick up six packets, knowing it'll definitely overload his senses. this'll teach him to call me a liar. JJ's eyes widen.

"cover your ears, Reid, I don't want you to hear me tearing them open." I order. he obliges, and I can sense the frown on his face while I dump in the sweetener.

"okay." I mix it with the stirrer before placing it in front of him.

"this thing smells like lavender." he observes randomly in reference to my sleeping mask.

"it's got scented stuff inside the fabric." I say.

"interesting. did you know that lavender is actually proven to be much more effective than--"

"Spence, just drink the coffee. I have to go talk to Hotch about something and I wanna see how this ends." JJ cuts him off light-heartedly. I purse my lips because I was sort of interested in what he was going to say, but he takes the not-so-subtle hint and lifts the mug.

I expect him to be repulsed by the sweetness, or at least to show some kind of discomfort. however, he takes a long draw before setting it on the table. his hand clutches onto the mug, still, as he pulls the mask off.

"five. this is my usual concoction." he clenches his jaw in complete seriousness. I have to fight an enormous grin, though it just turns into me twisting my mouth to the side of my face and JJ raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"what? am I wrong?" he gets nervous, voice going up an octave as he glances between the two of us. JJ averts her eyes, smiling.

"you lose!" I cackle, throwing my hand up for JJ to high-five. Spencer looks at me like I've stolen his life's savings.

"no! there's no way--"

"I forgot how many you usually put in there and I still won." I feign an awed expression.

"it's okay, Spence. you can always practice." JJ pats his shoulder sympathetically and then leaves us, running up the stairs to Hotch's office. I'm still smirking triumphantly as he glares at me.

"don't hate the player," I sigh, throwing my hands up. "hate the game."

"well, the player also happened to invent the game, so I think I'm entitled." he counters. I snort at his quickness.

"can I try this?" I point to the mug. "I've never had one with six."

he pushes the drink in my direction with his fingertips, almost having given up on trying to fight the loss. "there were six? that's only one off."

"yeah, but you need to get it right to win, dummy." I take a sip of the coffee. it's so sweet, though, that I shake my head and set it back down. "what in God's name is that?"

"you made it!" I sort of like the way his voice gets higher-pitched when he's vehement about something. it's cute.

"I wish I hadn't." I shove it over to him, half-expect that he'll not touch it now that I've taken a drink from it. but he continues to take ingest the caffeine, undeterred. I quirk an eyebrow silently, watching him.

"what?" he asks.

"nothing," I stand up. "come on, we should get some work done. I don't want Hotch to come down here and yell at us."

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Past Jealousy

*Not My Gif*

Request: Hi not sure you’re still doing requests but I’d like nr 4 (&11) for Harry Potter x Reader please :)

Requested by: @gwen-devilliers

4. “Oh my god, you’re in love with her/him.”

11. “Hold on. Are you- Are you jealous?”

Paring: Harry Potter x Reader

Post Date: 6-1-19

Word Count: 1640

~Prompt List~

~Master List~

~Open Requests~

Y/F/N is your Friends Name

Dinner had begun 20 minutes ago, and Harry had managed to find himself staring at you from the other end of the table, watching as you laugh with your friends over something funny one of them said. He loved to watch the way your eyes closed when you laughed to hard and you wipe away a few tears that fell during your laughter.

“Just ask her to the ball already Harry! Watching you watch her is nauseating.” Ron says as he bites into his chicken wing. Hermione gave him a disgusted look before turning to face Harry, nodding her head.

“He’s right, you know Harry. You’ve been staring at Y/N for forever. Just go and talk to her.” Harry give an exasperated sigh before slamming his head down on the table, groaning at the impact. You had heard the pang of Harry’s head hitting the surface and you looked around for the cause of the noise, instantly seeing a distraught Harry and a pair of embarrassed best friends next to him. You gave a slight chuckle before excusing yourself from your friends, heading over the golden trio.

“You alright there Harry?” you whispered, gently nudging the boy whose head popped straight up at the sound of your voice.

“oh-h yeah-h, I’m f-fine, Y/N. Thanks.” You looked at him as he stared into your eyes as if entranced by the (e/c) color. Your lips curled up into a smile as your cheeks were dusted a light pink, becoming fully aware of the awkwardness of this situation between you and Harry just staring at each other. When Ron coughed it brought you out of your trance, Harry following soon after as you both look at your friends. You give them a silent nod before telling Harry goodbye and walking back to your seat. You could still hear their quiet conversation, but your ears immediately perked up when you heard Hermione’s shushed whispers.

“Oh my god, you’re in love with her.” Your heart stopped. You waited for a response but when you didn’t hear him trying to change her mind, you couldn’t help the smile on your face. Being careful you pretended to glance around the room until you landed on Harry who was not so subtly staring at you. Holding his gaze one last time, your cheeks reddened once more until your friend elbowed you to get your attention.

“Why are staring at Harry Potter?” she asked as you gave her your full attention. You rolled your eyes as you continued to eat, pretending you didn’t hear her. ‘Oh hon, I know you aren’t ignoring me. Okay spill it, I know you’re hiding something.”

“Y/F/N! keep it down, I don’t need everyone in Hogwarts to know my business! I like him, okay! I like Harry!” you whispered, careful not to let anyone overhear. Your eyes fell to your lap as you played with your fingers, “I just- I don’t know, I just overheard Hermione say he’s in love with me and he was staring at me and I thought- I thought he would asked me to the yule ball.” The slight giggles of your friend bought your head up. “What? Why are you laughing at me?”

“It’s just, Harry’s looking at you right now, Y/N. No, don’t look!” She said as you tried to turn around, but she pulled your body to remain facing hers. “If he’s not going to ask you then you just need to give him a little push.” She huffed at you when you gave her a confused look. “You flirt, Y/N. With someone else. Get him Jealous.”

“No. No, you know I can’t flirt to save my life. Just forget about it.” You mumbled. She stood up and pulled you through the hall and out to the corridor, laughing all the way. “Where are we going!”

“Well hon, if you aren’t going to flirt with someone then we will just ask someone to flirt with you!” she yells stringing you along after her. You both ran about the castle, looking for some to help you, you were out of breath and panting, unable to form any sentences. Y/F/N had grabbed the first boy you saw which just so happened to be Draco Malfoy.

“Draco! Perfect! We need your help.” Your best friend started before you pulled her back from him.

“Once again, no I’m not doing this and if I was I most certainly wouldn’t ask Malfoy for help.” You could feel Draco eyes on your back as you talked to your friend. You turned to face him but when you saw his smirk you couldn’t help but want to roll your eyes. Draco Malfoy and you had sort of a past, you dated for about 3 months last year before you both agreed to call it off, then you stopped being friends and now it’s just awkward. “Never mind Malfoy, go about your day and forget we talked.” You gave him a curt smile before starting to leave, only for his hand to pull you back.

“Come on Y/N, don’t act like this. You wanted something, now out with it. What can I do?” your brows raised, quite surprised he’s open to help you with something.

“Say I like this guy, would do by any chance pretend to flirt with me to try and make him jealous?” you couldn’t help but cringe at your own words, knowing that this wasn’t going to be good. He looked at you with shock, unsure of what to say before opening and closing his mouth like a fish. You gave a quick chuckle, waiting for his response. “Draco?”

“who’s the guy?”

“Well, I can’t tell you that.”

“How am I supposed to make him jealous if I don’t know who he is?”

“This was a bad idea, just forget about it.” You started to walk away once again before he speaks up.

“I’ll do it. Just tell where and when.”

The next day during potions Draco sat himself down right next to you, catching Harry’s lurking eye right away. He knew about your past with him, but he assumed it was over. He didn’t look away, not even when Draco pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, causing you both to laugh at moment. You knew there was nothing between you two and so did Draco, but he thought that going all out would most would cause you to get really flustered causing who ever you wanted to get jealous to notice and he would figure out who it was. As soon as your cheeks became a dark red he quickly glance around, catching Harry’s eyes boring into you. ‘So it’s Potter’ he smirked, he never liked the boy so this should be fun.

“So, Y/N,” he whispered into your ear causing Harry to clench his fist as his closeness, “You wanted to make Potter jealous? Care to admit anything, Love?” you turned to look at him before glancing back towards Harry. He pretended he wasn’t watching you both. When class ended, Draco leaned in to kiss your cheek before winking, walking away leaving you standing there, mouth agape. Harry just watched, unsure of what to do, but unfortunately his feet had an idea. Soon he found himself right next to you, your body practically inches from his.

“Hi Harry.” You smiled at him, your smile bright enough to pull him out of his thoughts. He didn’t say anything which caused you to get nervous. Did you do the wrong thing with Draco? You started playing with the hem of your robe, unsure of what he’s thinking.

“So, you and Draco? I-I thought you were over.” He mumbled. You nodded your head, lightly nodding your head as your smile started to fade and your eyes fell to the floor. “So, did he ask you to the Yule ball yet? You looked quite comfy together today.”

Your eyes picked up locking with his, “Hold on. Are you-Are you jealous?” you feigned surprise, hoping he wasn’t going to be mad when you explain the situation to him. His eyes went wide before he tried to speak only to have nothing come out. “Harry Potter, you better be jealous because I did not just ask my ex-boyfriend to flirt with me just for you to ignore your feelings!” you practically yelled, causing the boy to stumble back in surprise.

“You asked him to what?”

“I asked him to bloody well flirt with me, so you would just ask me to the yule ball already!” your voice seemed to raise in pitch as well as volume. Harry just stared straight at you. You asked Draco to flirt with you to make him jealous? Without even a second thought, one of his hands went to cup your cheek as the other fell on your waist, pulling you into him. Yours slowly made their way up his chest, resting on his shoulders as your eyes fluttered close, kissing him back. All the anger you had felt and all the jealousy he had felt made this one of the most passionate kisses of your life. And when you pulled apart you bit your lip, drawing it between your teeth to hold back the goofy smile you knew was coming.

“Y/N, will you go to the yule ball with me?” he asked. You quickly nodded a yes before leaning in for another quick kiss.

“I would love to Harry. And by the way, you’re quite cute when you’re jealous.” He threw his arm around your shoulder before walking you out of the classroom, catching sight of Malfoy who gave you a wink. You looked back up to Harry who was staring madly at Draco as you laughed, you quickly kissed his cheek which caused him to smile sheepishly at you before you headed to your next class.

FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED!!

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Catching Feelings 6/? (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to  Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for   escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget   her ex. Neither of them are expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings. (Previous parts: 1 2 3 4 5)

Author’s Notes: Another week, another chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it and as always, feedback is appreciated.

Wordcount: 3375

Warnings: smutish (dirty talk; powerplay; choking; lots and lots of teasing)

Keanu blinked blearily and confused as he looked around his room, trying to figure out what had woken him up this early. His brain was still dazed, his movements sluggish as he followed the noise, hand finally landing on his cellphone which had found its way under the bed somehow.

The sight of Steph’s name flashing across the screen finally kickstarted his brain and he rushed to answer the call, getting caught in a yawn as the facetime call connected.

“Shit! I woke you up. I’m sorry.” She winced, her tone apologetic and he smiled, waving off her apologies.

“It’s fine,” Keanu replied, voice still thick with sleep as he settled back on the pillows. “I needed to get up anyway.”

When Keanu had left Steph’s house the night he went to pick up his bike, he once again thought that would be the end of this thing they had. He hated himself for walking away, even after she cleared up the entire thing with Kevin, but he really thought it would be for the best.

He was falling in love with her way too hard and that was a problem. She was his client and nothing more. Or at least that was what Keanu tried to tell himself until the night he got home after a meeting a client and found a voicemail from Steph. He had no idea how she got her number, but her ramblings on how much she missed him warmed his heart, right until the part the call disconnected suddenly, and Keanu was left wondering if Steph was alright.

Panic only grew when she didn’t reply to his calls or texts and he was already looking up ways to find out where she was staying when Steph finally called back, letting him know she was fine. There were a handful of times Keanu felt that kind of sheer relief in his life and all of them associated with people he loved with all his heart. As if he needed any more proof of his own feelings. The ones he was running from for the past two months.

However, Keanu decided he was done running and that was what made him call her again later. To make sure she was feeling better and make it clear that what he had with her, it wasn’t something he did with just anyone. Keanu might be an escort, but not all money in the world could make him care for someone as he cared for her and he needed Steph to know that.

Admitting to it was liberating and the facetime calls became a routine for them. At least once a day they would talk, share about their day; chat about stupid things, everything and nothing and all in between.

Steph would send random texts throughout the day, pictures of stuff she thought he would find funny. While Keanu would send the things about home he knew she loved and missed.

It was a very welcome change in their… relationship? Friendship?  Keanu had no idea how to call it, but for the first time, he knew it was completely real. There was no money involved. No strings attached, no confusion due to sex. Though he really missed the mind-blowing sex they had, strangely enough, a month of this, talking every day and joking and trying to watch Netflix together even though there were an ocean and several timezones separating them and Steph seemed to have zero self-control and would always watch an episode or two without him was proving to be even more fulfilling. Even if it meant waking up at crack of dawn to talk to Steph when she was coming back from a whole day of shooting like she was now.

Keanu took a moment to really look at her, drinking the sight of her, no makeup, her hair pulled up and away from her face with the exception of a lock of hair that must have gotten loose and was falling over her big brown eyes. To him, she would never look more beautiful and Keanu felt the proverbial butterflies on his stomach as he watched her.

“You look tired,” Steph commented, disappearing off-screen a second before two soft thuds reached his ears. Probably her boots hitting the carpeted floor. “Long night?”

“Yeah. Got home around 2 a.m.,” Keanu said, scratching his five o’clock shadow. He had been toying with the idea of growing a beard, but Mike, their producer, shot the idea down. It wasn’t the look they were going for.

Steph only hummed noncommittally, her brow furrowing ever so slightly as she looked away and Keanu smirked, his heart picking up speed because he knew that look very well. He spotted that look several times through the last few weeks whenever any magazine or gossip site splashed pictures of Steph and her handsome co-star along with rumors of them dating.

“Dogstar had a gig,” he explained, making her look up startled. “Our first paying one. I mean, it barely covered gas, but still…”

“That’s amazing, Ke!” Her grin was blinding, and his heart did a little flip in his chest. He was head over heels of this woman and there was no point in denying anymore. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he replied, ducking his head a little as he felt his cheeks warm. “Maybe you can come to one of them when you get back.”

“I’d love to,” Steph grinned, picking up the phone and moving through the room. The image shook for a bit before it stabilized again and Keanu could no longer see her, only the white tiles of the bathroom. “We still have another month to go. Next week we’re flying back to Paris for some additional scenes. I’ve always wanted to spend my birthday there, but I didn’t think I’d be alone.”

“Where are you?” Keanu asked, scanning the frame, hearing her giggle before her face showed up again, but sideways.

“I’m changing,” she replied.

“So? Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Keanu pointed out with a smirk and Steph rolled her eyes but came fully into view.

She had taken her sweater off and stood there in jeans and her bra and Keanu could already feel his body responding to the sight of all her gorgeous skin. Her hands fell to her buttons, undoing them so damn slowly he wished he could push them away and do it himself.

Steph turned her back on him before pushing the jeans down, actually giving her ass a little wiggle to shimmy out of them and Keanu groaned, his boxers tight over his growing erection.

“You’re such a fucking tease,” he complained, rubbing himself and she had the gall to look over her shoulder with her best ‘who? Me?’ look, complete with that big doe eyes and pout and Keanu chuckled. “You were saying something about your birthday.”

“Yeah,” she said, her expression softening a little as she sat on the edge of the tub and turned the faucet on. “It’s the big three-oh and I’ll be here all by myself.” Steph shrugged. “I mean, sure Vincent is taking me to dinner and I appreciate it, but none of my friends will be here. The real ones at least…”

Keanu bit his cheek to keep himself from reacting to the mention of Vincent. It wasn’t that he was jealous, he just… Who was he kidding? It was exactly because he was jealous, but it wasn’t enough to divert his attention from what really mattered. How sad she looked at the prospect of spending her birthday without her true friends.

“When is it again?” he asked, an idea popping in his head. A terrible, unbelievably crazy idea.

---

Keanu paced the room with quick steps, desperately needing to work out some of the nervous energy thrumming through his body and movement had always been the way he did it. Be it by waving his hands around when he was speaking or bouncing his knee or walking around.

Moving his body always had a soothing effect in his mind for some reason and tonight he needed all his strategies to calm himself because if this crazy plan of his backfired, Keanu really didn’t know what he would do.

He had always been an impulsive guy, making decisions without thinking them through. It was what took him to Los Angeles; it was what almost killed him in that mountainside years ago. And now it was what could completely ruin the best relationship Keanu had in a long time.

What if Steph didn’t like the surprise? What if she thought he was crazy for flying all the way to Paris on her birthday without telling her? Yes, she said she wished her real friends could be here to celebrate with her, but it was Keanu who assumed he was included in that category. What if he was wrong? What if he was in love with her, but she wasn’t? What if…

The sound of the phone made him jump and Keanu nearly stumbled on his own feet trying to get it, answering with a quick hello.

“I delivered the envelope, Mr. Reeves,” the concierge spoke, his accent thick and making his words almost indecipherable. “She’s on her way up.”

“Thank you.”

His hands shook as he hung up and hurried through the process of lighting up the candles and dimming the lights, before coming to sit on the edge of the bed, fighting off the urge of bouncing his feet as the minutes ticked by with no sign of her. He adjusted his collar, feeling a little breathless.

What if she went to her own room instead? What if she thought it was some kind of mean joke or a trap from the press? What if she didn’t come at all?

Keanu’s heart lunged in his chest at the low chime of the electronic lock and he got to his feet, coming face to face with a stunned Steph. She stood there for a moment, eyes wide, mouth hanging open and he forced a small, awkward smile.

“Happy birthday?” he said with hesitation, wondering if she hated the surprise until her face shifted into a smile and she all but threw herself on his arms.

Keanu breathed out a sigh of relief, cradling her close to his body, nose buried into her head, breathing in the familiar scent of strawberries. He missed her more than he first realized.

“I thought maybe…” she started, pulling back a little and looking at Keanu with eyes full of wonder and affection. “When you asked me about my birthday, but you didn’t say anything else, I thought it was just wishful thinking, but you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Keanu smiled, resting his forehead against hers. “Is that ok?”

“It’s the best birthday present I could hope for,” Steph said, her lips pulling into a grin. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Keanu cupped her cheek, tracing her face with his thumb, almost as if trying to recommit her features to memory. It wasn’t the same, seeing her through facetime. It didn’t do her justice.

Her hands crossed behind his neck, fingers playing with his hair, massaging his scalp and Keanu tried not to tense as they came way too close to his secret, but since she didn’t seem to notice, he just sighed happily, leaning into the touch for a second, before bending his head and meeting her lips for a kiss, something he was longing for weeks.

Their lips molded perfectly together, finding their rhythm with barely any effort; their tongues moving against one another, tasting and exploring, relearning each other as their hands found their way under their clothes, searching warm skin and familiar curves.

Keanu struggled to get her out of her coat and scarf while her hand moved over his crotch, rubbing him through his jeans and groaned against her lips, getting lost in the feel of it before pulling back and catching her hand.

“I’ve got you a cake,” he announced, and Steph chuckled and nodded, letting Keanu move away from her and lead the way to the table.

Her small gasp at the sight of the black forest mini cake made Keanu grin proudly as Steph glanced from the sugary treat and back at him.

“How did you know it was my favorite?” she asked, and he just shrugged, trying for nonchalant, but feeling so stupidly happy for having put that happy smile on her face. He had googled it like a stalker, but her expression was definitely worth it.

He pulled a chair out for her with one hand, while the other dug through his pocket for the candle and lighter. To Keanu’s surprise, Steph pushed him on the seat and got on his lap, making sure to squirm and wiggle over his cock, dragging out a grunt from him.

“Fucking tease,” he complained, making her chuckle.

“Careful there, Ke. If you keep using that kinda language, I’ll have to gag you,” Steph warned, giving him a sideways smirk. “Or maybe just put that mouth to better use.”

“Cake first” Keanu reminded, arms coming around her to set the candle between the two decorative cherries before lighting it up. “Then you can tie me and gag me and whatever else you want.”

“Is that a promise?” Steph asked her voice low, sounding almost dangerous as she turned sideways on his lap so she could look at him and Keanu gulped, a shiver running down his spine at the look in her eyes.

“Yes,” he replied, meeting her gaze.

Had any woman ever made him feel like this before? Get him this hot and horny with just one look and a couple of suggestive words? Keanu was pretty sure the answer to that was a no. Steph had just a way of turning him on or making him learn things about himself that he never thought it would be possible. It was liberating and that was why he got her that present in the first place. If it wasn’t for Steph, Keanu would never know how much he wanted to try that with her.

At last, Steph turned her attention to the cake in front of her, arching her eyebrow at him Keanu and with a small blush, he sang her happy birthday, his voice low and unsteady. He had no idea why he felt shy about that, but he did.

“You’ve got a nice voice, babe,” she said kissing his cheek.

“I really don’t.” Keanu ducked his head and chuckle. “Anyway, make a wish.”

There was a moment of silence and Steph leaned over, blowing the candle, before turning on Keanu’s lap until she was straddling him and catching his lips in a hungry kiss, rolling her hips tantalizingly and he moaned against her mouth, his cock throbbing and pulsing in his jeans.

“Aren’t you…?”

“Later,” she cut him off, lips traveling over his jaw until she caught his earlobe between them, sucking lightly and pleasure shot through Keanu, his hands tightening over her thighs almost at their own accord. “Right now, I just you to fuck me.”

Keanu tensed for a second, hesitant and unsure of what he was about to propose. Steph felt it and pulled back, giving him a worried look.

“Something’s wrong?”

“No…” he breathed out, brushing away the hair from her face and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “I just… got you something.”

“You didn’t have to, Ke,” she hurried to say, and he thought he saw her flush. “Just the fact that you flew all the way here…”

“I wanted to…” he assured, patting her leg gently so she would stand up and he could move to his suitcase and get it.

Keanu hesitated, back turned to her, box in his hands. He took another breath, before facing Steph again and handing it to her. It was a simple black rectangular box, wrapped with a blue bow. Steph pulled it loose and opened the lid, frowning at its contents.

“A chain?” she asked with a confused frown, looking up at him.

“A-uh leash, actually,” Keanu explained, swallowing hard as he unbuttoned the first couple buttons of his shirt, exposing the leather collar around his neck and Steph gasped, staring at him with wide eyes. “Is this ok?”

“Ke… I…” she stuttered, meeting his gaze again. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, his smile a little hesitant, but very hopeful. “I thought a lot about it and… I never came as hard jerking off as when I was picturing this. I want it.”

She watched him for a moment as if trying to spot a lie in his statement or stance and he fought the urge to squirm under her scrutiny. Keanu knew Steph just wanted to make sure he wasn’t just trying to please her, which he was, to an extent, but this was about him as much as it was about her.

Finally, she moved closer to him, eyes never leaving his as she undid the rest of the buttons and pushed the shirt off his shoulders before caressing his chest, slowly making her way to the black band circling his neck.

Her small fingers ran over the edge gently, before she slipped one finger under the collar, making it tighter and Keanu swallowed hard, shuddering at the feel of it restraining his breathing just a little, making him gasp.

“Oh, babe…” Steph whispered, voice low and sultry as she petted his cheek. “You really like this, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am.” It still amazed Keanu how quickly he slipped into this whenever she used that tone with him. It was almost a pavlovian reaction by now.

“Then who am I to deny you?” she smirked at him, crooking her finger and tugging lightly on the collar and Keanu followed the motion, bending his head closer to her. Being rewarded with a dirty, searing kiss. “Especially when you’ve been such a good boy.”

She let go of him and took a step back, once again just watching him, lip between her teeth, her eyes dark and full of want.

“You look so beautiful like this, Ke,” Steph said, and he felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, so he ducked his head, dodging her eyes and shifting in place, hands clasped together in front of his body. “And you’re blushing? That’s so sweet.”

“Please…” his voice was low, pleading.

Not only he didn’t like being complimented like that, but his body felt like was about to combust and he was so hard it was getting painful. He couldn’t wait anymore. Keanu just wanted her. Almost desperately.

She smiled at him and nodded, moving closer once again and turning her back to him, exposing the zipper of her dress.

“Go ahead.”

He pulled it down slowly, the fabric parting to reveal her back and the purple lace of her bra. Keanu pulled the zipper all the way it would go, before pushing the straps of the dress off her shoulders, letting his lips graze over her nape and smiling lightly when goosebumps rose on her skin.

“I don’t remember allowing you to touch,” Steph chided softly, turning around to look at him and Keanu groaned at the sight before him. She was so damn beautiful.

“Sorry ma’am,” he mumbled, head down.

“No, you’re not.” She smirked.

She grabbed the chain from the box, before clasping it on the metal link on the collar and tugging on it tentatively. Keanu gasped and moaned at the feel of it, the way it tightened and led his movements. His cock twisted inside his pants, making his stumble forward even more uncomfortable.

With her free hand, Steph undid his jeans, shoving it down his hips and clicking her tongue at his lack of underwear. Keanu couldn’t care for anything except the relief of finally having his erection free.

“Someone’s eager,” she teased, pulling on the leash again with one hand, while the other stroked his cock and Keanu’s brain short-circuited at the combination of sensations.

Steph swallowed his moans in another kiss before she nipped on his bottom lip and pulled back to look at his dazed, unfocused eyes.

“This is gonna be fun.”

xx(tbc) xxx

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[kinetic-elaboration]

May 21: The 100 2x11 Coup De Grace

It’s late, my computer’s more tired than I am (and hardcore hates me and very well may decide to eat this entire post who even knows), and this is probably a bad idea but I’m gonna do it anyway.

Or at least start.

Another episode, or partial episode, of The 100.

This opening torture sequence makes me so uncomfortable. Which like I get is the point but tbh I’m just not into ‘look how unflinching we are at the realities of Bad Stuff.’ Especially when my tired computer is skipping and the sequence becomes, like...trippy. Trippier.

This is probably a super bad idea because my computer literally cannot handle video lol. I am going to restart it.

It’s actually kind of nuts that Monty’s been missing for 2 days and Harper even longer and Jasper and Maya are like ‘this is weird and upsetting but I guess we’ll find them somewhere!!’ Well, Maya more than Jasper. Mount Weather isn’t THAT big.

“You have to look like nothing’s wrong. Like everything’s okay” is so sad. I think it’s situations like that that make S2 my favorite, just b/c I’m a sucker for scenarios of enclosed tension. Like, forget war and blah blah blah, I want this, like... secretive, spying, being spied upon, uncertainty. That’s the real horror in a satisfying way.

Gosh his haircut is awful though.

When does Clarke learn to ride a horse?

I have literally no idea what’s happening bc I rewatch these eps so infrequently.

Clarke just got “yes ma’amed.” I find that semi-hilarious, not because she’s 18 but because you knew Grounders used words like “ma’am.”

I love Clarke’s single-mindedness. “We can’t stop for water. We can’t stop for anything. We’re on a mission. And Bellamy might have called!” AWWNH!Clarke is so OOC lol but she has a different background okay?

I’m not really in the mood to trust Abby about anything. Does she... actually make good decisions? I feel like you’d have to track her through all of the seasons but I am inclined to say...perhaps......not.

So the Mountain Men tried to assassinate Clarke and Lexa. Completely forgot about that.

The introduction of Echo. I just... I just have no opinions on her, I guess. Literally my only opinion is that she should have been the Ice Queen and, not being the Ice Queen, she’s just not interesting to me. I will say, she couldn’t have been in Mount Weather long if she knew who the Sky People are, as they’ve only been on the ground about a month. But also...why does she hate them? They were only fighting with Trikru, and Azgeda territory isn’t even, like, in the vicinity.

I love Dante but he has some major balls looking Jasper in the face and saying he doesn’t know where his friends are. I mean, he doesn’t, because Cage stole them, but how do you just MISPLACE people in a 600,000 square foot bunker? Where COULD they go?

I’m sure I’ve said this before but as someone who went to a high school with a uniform I find it HIGHLY unrealistic that all these teenage boys tuck in their shirts and keep them tucked in all the time without exceptions.

Jasper being protective of Monty <3<3<3.

So it was MW that told them there were no Ark survivors. Did I know that? Did I forget that? Not that it matters as my Clarke/Maya fic is done lol.

Dante is the most Hilarious and Wonderful of all of the attempted father figures on this show I said what I said--they’re all terrible but at least he bring the Weird Father Figure energy to 11. I’ll lie to you but it’s to protect you, call you son (always weird), super good at self-defense--ah-ha! sword at at your neck!

“This is not a toy.” If the sword is in MW it’s probably Important and Famous.

IMO and I completely stand by this assessment, it’s harder for Jasper to be brave than it is for other people, and he was really brave, and it worked, and I’m proud of him.

I realize this is also a problem with the literal world but we actually do know that torture isn’t effective so Indra being all upset that she’s not allowed to torture Emerson is just so....exhausting to me. Like Clarke isn’t suggesting not torturing him bc she loves the high ground and must walk it at all times. She’s suggesting not torturing him bc the last time she tortured someone, she got 0 good information. And even though neither of them know it, it was the shit information garnered from torture that led Finn to TonDC! Also if they had let Emerson die, the Grounder would have also still died--it’s not that they chose to use resources on one and not the other. They had two different types of wounds. I mean I guess if they’d brought them in faster without patching up Emerson in the field? That’s probably what she meant. However the Grounder Death Cult and their complete willingness to declare their fight over at the merest papercut makes me again less sympathetic to this point of view.

I’d literally already forgotten that someone tried to assassinate Clarke like an hour earlier. Abby doesn’t need to be concerned about that, lol, Clarke’s used to it!

Okay first I did have a longstanding headcanon that Echo had a crush on Bellamy going way back--I mean that’s practically canon, yeah?--but now I’m super convinced because in their second scene together, he sacrifices himself for her using information she gave him (that MW takes the loud/strong looking ones), even though she greeted him by spitting in his face, and actually, that was very heroic and selfless of him. I’d fall in love too.

Second, I thought she had no tattoos because she’s a spy or w/e but I CLEARLY see tattoos on her legs. And they are not white either.

I don’t think I ever realized that Maya found Bellamy because she was in the infirmary/harvest chamber looking for Harper and Monty. I do not have a good memory for each scene leading into the next. AND she think she’s found them when she sees how fast the random patient’s treatment is working, because that has to be a Sky Person and she would never guess Bellamy.

They really do just talk about their little torture machine casually all the time. “I need to go over the treatment schedule so I know how many cages to clear.”

Hey so like how did Maya get in if she’s not cleared for this facility?

What a wonderful time to remember yet again that if Bellamy knows who Maya is from her reference to Jasper, Clarke, who saw Maya and Jasper flirt like ONE TIME, must have told him about them, which is cute and funny all at once.

Maya: “I wanted to see what was so special about him, but... he’s dead.” Bellamy: Ah yes! I’m dead! * immediately closes his eyes * Why am I laughing so hard at this?

Good thing they take dead bodies down slowly instead of just thunking them on their heads.

Maya, Bellamy, and Echo v. Lovejoy is a pretty satisfying fight. Also, what did Clarke just say about Emerson talking b/c they saved his life? Echo helps Bellamy because he saved her life. Sometimes you get more flies with honey.

I tend to forget that Bellamy literally strangled this guy with his bare hands. Like it was self-defense to some degree, in that this had to be a fight to the death, but it was also just pure fucking rage. Like he said, he (like Clarke for a while) wants to kill everyone in the Mountain.

And then he thanks Echo and asks Maya if she’s all right. A True Catch. Tbh I could see something forming out of Echo and Bellamy here, but not after some of the later twists and turns in the later narrative.

Honesty, I’ve always loved Maya but... let’s just appreciate her, shall we? That was horrific, seeing someone she knew killed in front of her--and helping, because she knew he was on the wrong side, even though that was the same side she’d been on her whole life. Is she completely in the moment, or is she already seeing that there’s no way out for her here? That the people they’ve brought into the Mountain are really going to destroy it?

Bellamy coming out in Lovejoy’s clothes looks like a kid trying on new clothes at the mall before the new school year. Except he’s just dumped a body down a trash chute.

Like “I’ll come back for you, I promise”--I can see a basis for a ship in that. So far it is 100% built on how Echo would have to be dumb not to fall in love with Bellamy but still.

This Maya and Bellamy scene is amazing. I love every aspect of it.

Lemme just...watch that Jonty hug on repeat.

Honestly they even ended the scene with them walking out the door together even though there’s no way anyone could have moved Harper that fast and there’s also no indication of who moved her or how. Guess she’s...not that important...?? LOL??

Kane has only two modes: fairly ineffectual bastard or utterly ineffectual neo-hippie. “You’re not grasping the situation! We’re nice! Be nice to us!” I probably shouldn’t mock him bc he is me lol, I also would not know what else to say to Emerson other than ‘please????’ but still. Common sense and peace and love would be great but those aren’t shared values I guess.

And then he goes 180 to ‘let’s torture him then?’

What you should be doing is good cop bad cop. Or like, wearing him down with repeated questioning? I heard that’s an effective interrogation technique, although here Emerson has a certain advantage of time and that his interrogators are way more easily annoyed than he is easily worn down or confused.

Anyway I remember now. Clarke ultimately solves this problem with that ultimate BDE moment, sending him with a message and 6 hours of oxygen. She really is just the Smartest.

At least Kane acknowledges that the Chancellorship is a completely random title since Abby literally just kinda stole it? Like Jaha is the rightful Chancellor and Kane is the second-most-rightful Chancellor and she’s just sorta...there? But it also doesn’t matter because as established, Clarke is the one actually in charge.

This Bellamy and Maya elevator scene is also the kind of tension that I like. Is Bellamy...legitimately considering shooting him? In the elevator? That would end badly lol. He has this idea to just start randomly offing people in public/enclosed places, while Lexa is all like ‘we can’t save TonDC bc it would blow Bellamy’s cover!’ like the irony.

I wonder if the MW classes are like...to some end, like, mandatory schooling that must be completed, or if they’re just like for funsies? I think the second, partially because it’s an “Expressionist class” which doesn’t seem like the Three Rs and partially because this dude doesn’t seem upset that Maya didn’t show, like he’s just vaguely wondering where she was.

“We’ve accomplished great things” in that tone is like the MOST American thing I have ever heard. (I can say this because I’m American.)

“We’ve been bleeding people to stay alive for generations. That’s our legacy” is true in the sense that Dante’s line in the sane is...truly in the sand. But also has it been ‘generations’? I’m not sure you understand how time works, show-as-a-whole. I mean maybe this is technically true? They probably discovered Grounders like....50 years ago? Which is sort of “generations.” But when you say it like that it makes it sound way longer.

You wanna root for Dante over Cage because he’s on the side of our heroes but in terms of like bitter logic Cage has the advantage. What they’ve already done and what Dante has managed to rationalize to himself is bad enough. They’re already Doing Bad Things, doing yet more bad things isn’t going to bother anyone. Especially when these extra bad things (1) come out to the same--torturing/killing people and (2) lead them to a permanent home on the ground.

I wonder if Dante/MW justified what they did to Grounders with stories of them being like...irradiated mutants. Like literally inhuman. So it ‘doesn’t count.’ I mean objectively they’re wrong of course but I mean in their heads. And then for Dante the line is so obvious between killing radiation casualties and killing just normal humans like themselves, whereas for Cage--who sees the Grounders more because of Cerberus, and knows they don’t look that much different, that they are also just people underneath the masks and big clothes--sees no difference between the Grounders and the Sky People, and if he’s already sullied himself by using one set, he can continue sullying himself, for a greater cause, by using the other set. It’s just a question of which story you’re telling yourself and how much you’re willing to lie.

The plotting of this season is, overall, very good. Especially in the second half.

I think Clarke’s default mode when stressed is order giving. It’s part of the control thing. She’s okay if she has everything under control, and if she knows everything, and when she has all that knowledge and control it just...spills out of her, directing people with what they need to do and where they need to go.

Whereas Raven’s in full ‘falling out of love with Clarke’ mode.

Also I think Clarke is very quick to comfort people and she is genuine in this but because she ALSO has her agenda and her strident tone and her controlled demeanor, it can look like manipulation. Or at least, if I were her friend, I would always wonder if she really cared or if she just wanted me to calm down so my emotions weren’t in the way of The Plan.

My 15 second Raven, Clarke, and Octavia scene. Lemme just rewatch this a bunch of times too.

“Jackson found genetic marker anomalies that can only come from someone born on the Ark.” Remember when people were theorizing that this was a big deal in some way? The Arkers were genetically modified to withstand space? I remember that being a theory. Anyway in retrospect, it’s just a Plot Device. Possibly a Pseudo-Science Plot Device I would not know.

Never mind. “We were genetically engineered. They weren’t.” So it is in fact canon, just meaningless canon. HOW IS THIS SOME RANDOM THROWAWAY LINE?

Clarke’s feral moments are the best.

It’s cute how Abby continues to think Clarke isn’t in charge.

Having Bell run into Lovejoy’s son is cheap but effective. I still remember that scene and I can really feel the full effect on him through Bob’s acting and the music. I also always remember that line “What did you expect you’d find here?” Because the answer is obviously ‘monsters.’ They had their simple narrative too: about how MW were the bad guys and thus they could destroy them all and it would be vengeful and feel good. But it’s more complicated than that: everyone in the Mountain is complicit in terrors. But many of them passively so. Bellamy was ready to kill all of them, and so was Clarke, but he changes his mind based on this encounter, tells her about it over the radio, and makes HER change her mind and in fact change her entire plan, by the time she explains it in 2x15.

And it’s sad for Maya too because Bellamy is being aided by her but she is still a Mountain Person. It’s easy to say ‘she’s an exception, she’s Jasper’s friend, she’s our friend.’ But she’s done everything he hates the Mountain for. If the whole Mountain is evil, she’s evil. And to the extent you can’t be both pro-MW and pro-Sky People, she’s put in this impossible position of choosing sides, or trying to switch sides abruptly. Bellamy sees that, and it’s like yet one more additional layer to his guilt over what he did, because he sees a new angle to how it affected Maya,  without whom he’d be dead.

Jonty the leader couple. And Jasper’s face when Monty says “We’re not safe here.”

S2 is my favorite bc of plotting like this episode: just as the 47 are about to leave, Cage stages his coup. Just as Bellamy is about to see his friends, the doors lock and they’re trapped. The moment when Jasper sees Bellamy--with absolutely no reason to believe this could even be possible. In trying to plan fics that use S2 I tend to get confused about the plot bc it goes back and forth and circles around a lot, but in actually watching it, it’s quite effective, and I think part of the circling confusion is just bc there are so many moving parts, people need to be in the right places at the right times, meet and separate at the right moments, so it can read awkwardly in summary. But they did a good job ultimately, I think.

Another thing about S2 generally is that even though it’s much more expansive than S1 in terms of locations and number of characters and groups of characters, ultimately almost everything revolves around one story (except for the CoL setup stuff), and 2 main locations that have meaning, with various points in between. So it is more concise and more centralized and more meaningful than later seasons, which become increasingly spread out and disjointed. Or so I try to explain to myself at 1am.

Yaaaay emotional Princess Mechanic and then Bravenlarke. I live for these moments when characters are just like...emotional together.

I don’t know if I find it realistic that Clarke would be like ‘it’s over’ so fast but nevertheless I like Raven and Bellamy picking her back up.

Clarke’s relieved face...she’s in love.

Bellamy: I’m fine. Me: He’s a liar!!! But I guess they can talk about his emotions later.

When they’re all together, they’re all better. Like immediately. Even Clarke’s “Raven’s going to help you” with a little look to her, like, this isn’t an order, and Raven nods....

I love that Bellamy took Maya’s expression to mean “It’s not a problem” when it quite obviously meant “It’s a huge problem.” But also Clarke smiled for .05 seconds so I think she knew he was a-lying. This could be a sitcom if it were a totally different show.

Weirdly, I watched part of 2x15 again for a fic I decided not to write atm and...they don’t actually use the Grounders as a Trojan Horse army. Their plan NOT to kill everyone including the kids meant basically that they used their real army as a distraction and then just took the inside-Grounders out the back way. Or that was the idea. Which in retrospect is actually kind of disappointing.

Clarke’s power walk through the hallway with her Grounder Entourage is just so....satisfying. This is the emotional payoff that got me into this show.

Clarke just literally staging a coup against her own mother, using the Grounder force that sees her as a leader, is so.... I feel like I have never appreciated it before this rewatch. I think in the past I found it kind of annoying tbh. But this time I like it a lot more. I like Clarke’s just insane levels of confidence and self-assurance. It is a good look.

First of all the parallel to the Wallaces. But more importantly, I always wanted this big story line of Delinquents Versus Arkers that never fully came as I wanted it, but this is pretty close, where she’s just used to being in charge by now, so you know what, she is. And the only thing she needs to make her desire for power real is muscle, which she has, thanks to Lexa, so she uses it. It’s also very satisfying. And should ultimately have been the groundwork for the delinquents to form a separate community but WHAT DO I KNOW?

All that said, and this isn’t contradictory, but Clarke picks like the MOST inflammatory way to go about her plan. She just does it, she gives no explanation, she stages a showdown at the gate with her own Mom the Chancellor. There is a subtler way of doing this. But I like that she didn’t do subtle because it’s IC for her. It’s IC for her age (who is more Dramatique than a teen?) and it’s IC for her place in her hero’s arc: under L’s influence, she’s becoming big-headed, leaning into the sin of pride, here in the form of “I do can do no wrong,” and by 2x16 in the form of “I can do no right, no one has ever been more wrong than I, no one has ever been more sorrowful than I, let me perform penance in the woods.”

Pride: the most annoying deadly sin.

Anyway.

And Kane, who always bows to the Alpha Female in the room, immediately enables Clarke’s Drama.

“Let our people go and we’ll let you live. It’s just that simple.”

“The Grounder army is bigger than you think and the acid fog can’t hurt them” is honestly a bluff though? Because again, they do not use or even PLAN to use the inside Grounders and they DO plan to take out the acid fog so??? I guess the point, if she was protecting Bellamy, WAS the bluff, WAS the distraction.

I think it was unnecessary to take out his O2 but I guess she’s really just showing off, which again is IC and I guess has the purpose of showing MW she means business and is Not To Be Fucked With. Still, it is important that her message make it to MW since it’s the distraction Bellamy asked for, so it seems like something of a risk to make it hard for the messenger to arrive home safely.

I do like that she gets to use that classic retort “That sounds like a you problem.”

And so.... I meant to go to sleep like 3 hours ago, and my power is flickering. Time for bed. The end, goodnight.

[nancywheelxr]

(our friends set us up on a blind date as a prank because we don’t like each other but neither of us wants to let them win so ) | Part 8:

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( part 6) ( part 7 )

Game nights at Kara’s are always very fun in a very competitive sort of way. Winn loves every second of it. And it’s been around as a tradition for about as long as he’s known her. It’s the sort of thing that used to be just for fun and then stayed existing just for the normalcy. It’s kind of impossible to imagine life without those weird nights now.

This one, though. For this one, he’s as nervous as the first time he talked himself into knocking on her door.

“We can do this,” he says half to the mirror, half to his anxiety. They can do this. “It can’t be that hard.” His sentence rises at the end, almost bending into a question; too dubious to be a statement.

“It will be the first time they all see us together outside of work and its distractions,” Brainy answers him from the living room anyway, still idly flipping through channels. He’s been slowly becoming more comfortable in Winn’s apartment after their fake-date and dinner at Valentine’s Day; Winn is sure even his small one-bedroom is better than the dorms at the DEO. “Are you ready yet? I’d rather not be late.”

A deep breath. Not to say, of course, that they don’t get into each other’s nerves anymore. “That’s not as helpful as you think,” he calls back, then quieter, “asshole.” To be fair, they should get all the insults out of the way before going to Kara’s, you know, really get it out of their systems.

“I apologize, it was not my intention to make it worse,” Brainy appears at the door, seizing him up with a carefully neutral face. Winn is surprised he didn’t hear him approaching, even more at the petty need not be found lacking that rises at the inspection. He tugs at his collar at the same time Brainy clears his throat, “to me, knowing all the parameters of a situation helps. What would help you?”

Not to be under a microscope tonight. Instead of replying, he meets his eyes on the mirror with a look that hopefully carries all he really wants to say, and splashes water on his face, wishing to dispel some of his nerves with the cold. If he’s being honest, he’s not even that sure why he’s so apprehensive.

“If it helps,” Brainy continues, a little hesitant, passing him the towel hanging by the door, “they have no reason to be suspicious, they want to believe us.”

Clutching the towel on his hand, Winn gives him an almost-smile. “Now, this helps,” he dries off, hiding the full extent of his grin, “thanks. But we should get going or we’ll be late even by my standards.”

Maybe Brainy is right, things might be fine tonight. If anything, everyone will be already expecting bickering from all sides, it’s game night. Maybe, as a surprising amount of things in this lie, it will be easier than he expects it to be.

*

The kitchen table is littered with snacks and Winn is sure this is what heaven looks like. Why was he so nervous earlier again? Nothing could possibly go wrong with this much junk food available.

Besides, now that everyone’s here, the air is full of laughter and inside jokes and the warm, steady promise of friendship– it’s really hard to be nervous.

This is his family, of course it’s going to be okay.

“So how was the date?” comes Lena’s voice, drifting faded from the living room.

Right. Even if they’re halfway through this stupid lie.

“Very nice,” follows Brainy’s reply, “even though, Winn was five minutes late.”

Scoffing to himself, Winn makes his way around the counter, taking the bowl of chips with him, “hey, you should be nicer,” he says over the prattle, “I’m your boyfriend now.”

Brainy makes space for him on the floor, “I am being nice, it’s why I said five minutes, instead of the fifteen.”

“Thanks, really,” Winn deadpans, leveling him with a deeply unimpressed glare, and sets the bowl on the table.

Lena snickers, laughing fondly at his grudging expression as he holds one arm open, letting Brainy settle back against him. After over two months of pretending, casual touching like this is easy– Winn has always been an affectionate, tactile person, it wasn’t hard to accommodate Brainy into his personal bubble. It’s almost nice.

“Okay, are we ready for this?” Kara calls their attention, tapping a spoon against her beer, “after some serious requests, I have finally dug out Clue!” She sets the box on the middle of the table, smiling proudly at their cheering.

“I have not played this before,” Brainy whispers, watching Kara bring out the board and all the pieces. “Is the title as misleading as the others?”

“No, actually,” Winn says, “it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. Someone murdered Mr. Boddy and we gotta figure out who, where, and with what.” He snags two pieces before Alex could claim them all and start assigning them like codenames, “here, you should be Professor Plum.”

Turning it over on his hand, Brainy raises an eyebrow, “and who will you be?”

“Apparently,” he snorts, “Ms. Peacock.”

“Alright,” Alex calls, shaking the dice on her closed fist, “where’s Miss Scarlet?”

With a tired, long-suffering sigh, James raises his hand. “Let’s get this over with, hand over the dice.”

“Here you go, Red.”

James sighs again.

*

“Alex!” Kara cries, throwing the last of the chips at her sister. “You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating? It’s Clue,” she laughs, ducking and holding up a pillow as a very ineffective shield, “and– stop it– you’re wasting food!”

“Okay,” James stands up, watching Kara scrap the bowl for ammunition with a face that doesn’t seem to decide if it wants to be amused or afraid, “I think it’s time for refills.”

“Hold up,” Winn detangles himself, unfortunately flailing all the while, “I’ll help you.”

The brewing war in the living room is left behind as he wanders into the kitchen behind James, going straight for the cabinets and raiding them for Kara’s emergency stash of chips.

Bags are poured into another bowl in relative silence, as they eavesdrop into the bickering drifting in. It’s imported to keep up with it, really, by the time they get back, it might already have devolved into an all-out war and they might have to choose sides and– Kara squeals, followed by a burst of laughter, and both of them turn to see her clinging to the couch behind her, crumbs all around, and Alex holding the bowl above her, grinning darkly satisfied.

But it’s not any of it that catches his attention.

No, while it is a funny scene to watch and it does startle a chuckle out of him, it dies on his throat once his gaze lands on Brainy. Winn can’t look away. Because Brainy is laughing openly, and Winn hasn’t noticed this before, but when Brainy smiles it lights up his whole face, makes him look younger, and it’s just–

James sidles up beside him, elbowing Winn lightly, “I know that face,” he chuckles, way too entertained by the whole thing, “it’s your smitten face.”

His mind screeches to a stop, and Winn freezes for a second, before going into overdrive and whipping his head around fast enough to give himself whiplash in compensation. “What?” His voice cracks embarrassingly. He clears his throat. Is his mouth hanging open? It might, he’s not entirely sure what’s going on, things are spiraling fast. “ I mean, what, pshh, why would you say that?”

“Uh, because I know you? And I’ve seen it way too many times now not to recognize it?”

That’s. Wow. When you think you know a guy– seriously, how long have they known each other and– how can James even. That’s. Wow. It’s supposed to fool everyone but, this is something else; for James to just come out and say that– where did he even. Wow.

“You okay there?” James, who clearly does not know Winn as well as he thinks, asks. He even has the gall to sound concerned. “I know it’s still fairly new– I didn’t mean to freak you out, man.”

Winn shakes his head, burying his inner monologue for later when he’s not supposed to be agreeing to this so very wrong statement. “You didn’t freak me out,” he shrugs, kind of trailing off. How do you follow up on that? Goddamnit, it’s too soon for Winn of all people to get tangled up in the lies. If anyone should trip, it should be Brainy, not him. “You just– caught me by surprise, that’s all. Kinda forgot you were there for a sec.”

“I hear that, alright,” and man, it’s the chuckling that irks him. James is just so sure, it’s. It’s whatever. “You were smiling like you didn’t see anyone else,” he claps Winn in the shoulder, calling back as he ducks out of the kitchen, “you’ve got it bad, man.”

Well, would you look at that. Maybe Winn should have looked into the Broadway thing, after all.

Who would’ve thought he’s such a good actor.

*

Clue goes about as well as it was expected. It’s to no one’s surprise when Alex wins, although Lena narrows her eyes in a way that promises hellfire of a payback later and Kara pouts, already resigned to be caught in the middle of that.

With the night winding down, they exchange the board games for a movie, because in all honesty, they have all missed getting together like this. Winn had not been there for the worst of it, but he’s seen the last drags of awkwardness lingering after all that went down last year.

To have everyone in the same room without any pressure, it’s kind of a miracle.

They’re mostly fine with not talking about it, though.

But the movie seems to be one of Alex’s, some action flick that demands just this tiny bit more of attention than he can give it right now. It’s a Friday night, and Winn’s tired; he’s been working all week, he’s so, so tired, he can feel gravity winning and his body tilting, head lolling to the side, eyelids insurmountably heavy. Maybe, if he closes his eyes for just a second, then–

Just one teeny-tiny moment, then he’ll give the movie all of his attention.

The warm, soft wall he’s leaning against shifts, and Winn burrows in the warmth more comfortably. An arm wraps around his shoulder, and oh, right, it’s a person. Something nags at his mind, too faint to go through the sleepy haze setting in, and Winn lets it slide away, as he goes further and further into the dark.

With the background noise quieting down around him, Winn sleeps.

*

A hand shakes his shoulder.

Scowling, Winn half-heartedly tries to bat it away, holding his pillow closer.

Someone coos nearby.

Now, his eyes fly open.

The first thing he sees is dark green, soft under his cheek. A sweater, his brain helpfully supplies with an unwanted delay. Then, there’s awareness of his surroundings– shit, right, he was at Kara’s, game night then a movie, and– “where’s everyone?” He mumbles, pushing himself off Brainy.

“Lena left half an hour ago, James is probably still waiting for his taxi outside,” Kara counts off her fingers, grinning unashamedly, “and Alex is out cold in the guest bedroom.”

His legs are still unsteady, stiff from sleep, and Winn is forced to accept Brainy’s hand to pull him up. Maybe if he weren’t still dazed and a little disoriented, he wouldn’t be so blasé about all of this, but as it is– things are already so goddamn weird, why not just go along with it?

“You have slept through the entire movie,” Brainy tells him, monotone, dusting himself off, “overall, it was very inaccurate.”

“That’s what you got from it?” Winn snorts, accepting his jacket from Kara. He gives her a smile, opening his arms in an invitation for a hug and she goes easily, laughing. “Told you we’d resurrect game night.”

“Says the guy who slept through half the night,” she turns him around, pushing him back towards Brainy, “here, I think this is yours.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Brainy makes a terribly resigned face, trading a sympathetic look with Kara over his shoulder, both struggling to keep a straight face. She herds them out the door, bundled up in scarves to brave the cold weather, snickering at his dramatically offended face. “Thank you for inviting us,” Brainy says, stepping out in the hall, and Winn takes his hand.

“Yeah,” he echoes through a yawn, nodding at Brainy’s direction, “what he said.”

Kara waves goodbyes, shutting the door with a soft click, leaving them alone in the empty hallway, and Winn drops his hand.

See?

Broadway-levels acting right there.

[meetnombre]

I promised myself that would keep this blog sfw. That I would fill it full of things that would make many other people happy and to help them escape from the outside world. It was supposed to be my little corner of the web that would be free from real world politics. I guess, today is finally that time where I have to break that promise.

The whole thing started just as Hasbro released the last episode of the first season of My Little Pony. I discovered it all at once when I marathoned through the first season. For 6 months afterwards, I have been following the pony fandom with a passion, but from a distance. Checking out other peoples art, lurking in forums, sending anon messages to other people’s tumblrs. That kind of stuff. (what can I say? To this day, I am still a bit of a social outcast)

It wasnt until one fateful day when I came across a certain someone’s tumblr blog through another person’s livestream. Not gonna mention any names (SilverBlaze! XD), but anyways! It was through this person’s tumblr that I was encouraged very strongly to introduce myself to someone from the fandom for the very first time. What pretty much happened was that I whacked this awesome guy an anonymous donation through his paypal associated with his new tumblr. What immediately happened afterwards was that his OC absolutely freaked out. Maybe I shouldnt have anonymously sent the post: “Here! Have a bag of free money!” as an anon...oh well XP This person helped me to muster the courage to create an online identity that I could use to interact with the fandom a lot better. He drew me my very own pony! (I still remember the livestream, where Silver started drawing “nombre” without a reference…remember the “meet nombre” image that used to be at the top of my tumblr? That was a modified screenshot of what Silver actually drew for me XD. He then scribbled it out, and began drawing my very own nombre! He asked me if I wanted nombre to be a boy or a girl, as he already started to draw long eyelashes for nombre. I was like “Nombre is a boy! NOMBRE IS A BOY!”, and he quickly removed the eyelashes after that X) ). I eventually took my brand new oc, created my very own tumblr…but then decided to wait until a better time to reveal my tumblr, as I kind of accidentally got Heart Lift, Sparks, and Toast Lift to swap bodies on purpose XP

But yeah! Finally went public with my tumblr, and eventually met someone else (Kappa! XP). I visited quite a few of her livestreams (when silver wasnt streaming, obviously XP), and we just…talked. We caught up with each other so much…we really gotta catch up with each other some more. But what happenned eventually was that Kappa invited me to a group chat where Silver and so many other awesome people got to hang out with each other. I met so many idols of my time and so many new faces, all of which soon became mutual friends. I literally felt like one of the richest people on the planet. I even met someone (Andie!), who soon became my girlfriend!

I still remember bits and pieces of the first group voice chat that I had with this group. One of the guys first impressions was “Is this guy serious?” (Kaipo XP), and “I’m more concerned that this guy works with live explosives for a living” (Rainboom XD)

It didnt last forever. Nothing lasts forever. One of my close friends from that group was forced to leave because he kept on getting anonymous hate from someone else. He didnt know who it was, so he was about at that stage where he was going to shut himself off from ‘everyone’. Good job anon! Good job! *slow clap*

I remember very well the time when that group that helped me with my depression got themselves a new certain member. Things were all good for a while…until that certain member made a techno remix, and asked the group as to what they thought of it. The problem was the title that he chose for it, as it was completely unrelated to the music itself, completely unnecessary, and pretty offensive to a lot of people (I’m pretty sure it was something like “Retarded Austistics” or “Autistic Retards” or something simular…..yeah…). That person was eventually removed from the group, but there was a bit of mayhem in the process, as ‘every single member of the group had moderator powers’. The incident served as a wakeup call to the group, so what happenned was that everyone was disbanded from the old group, and a new group was established…

…but here’s the thing. Not everyone was allowed into the new group. There was one person, who apparently the slim majority at the time decided that they didnt want in the new group. A lot of dramas happened since this event, but this particular separation in my opinion was a pretty big deal, as she was kind of a big part of the group at the time, and a big part of my life.

So! The one big group of people who meant so much to me ended up splitting into 2 separate groups. I stayed silent about the whole thing since then, hoping that someday maybe everyone will let bygones be bygones, because we were all friends once. Instead the opposite happened. Years later, a lot of people started forgetting each other. I could have been more proactive at the time to try and preserve what we all had, but I was worried about hurting someone in the process. I didnt know what to do.

My girlfriend broke up with me, and it was pretty much my fault. After being together for 3 months, she approached me and said that she needed some time apart...and I absolutely flipped my shit. I ended up saying a ‘lot’ of stupid shit that sent her into an absolute chronic panic attack. This drove her to the point where she told me straight up that I was no different from any of the other horrible people in her life. I felt like a real asshole when she said that. I said a lot of things that I shouldnt have said that day.

I was very fortunate to still have her as a friend after all of that. ‘Very’ fortunate.

It was about 3 months after this however that she decided to close her tumblr and delete her skype. She told me that she found happiness outside of this world that she built up. Over 2 years passed since she sent me that post, 2 years that she went missing. That’s long enough to legally declare anyone dead (not kidding either. After all of the low’s that she had been through, my mind was really starting to wonder into some pretty dark places as to what might have happened to her. I was so scared). But everything was okay! I actually got a message from her after all of those years from her telling me that she was doing very well and has settled down with someone else.

All I wanted was the best for her and for her to be happy. Nothing has changed. Even if is with someone else, I dont care. She ‘is’ happy, and she ‘is’ doing what is best for her, and thats all that matters. Hell, I’d approach this guy and shake his hand if it wasn’t for the fact that it would probably make things awkward for everyone XD

But as for me, I’m stuck. I dont really know what to do with myself anymore. When you give someone your heart and things dont work out, most people would get over it. Most people would have found a rebound relationship right now or something, but I guess I’m just not like most people. It’s not just because of my past, but its also because of my toxic present and future. I work in a workplace that can be pretty toxic at times. It’s like, you go back to work after your rostered days off to be meeted by ‘many’ old fashioned people who ask you inappropriate questions like “Hey Nombre! Did you get a root on break?” or “Hey Nombre! You should go get a hooker! You might like it!” over and over because they think its funny to do so, it just puts me off so much. I’m fine as I am! I dont mind being single, even if its for the rest of my life...but there are a lot of people out there who think its okay to treat other people like shit because they are ‘different’, when in reality, my workplace is full of old dirty perverts.

Meanwhile, I’m hardly ever online anymore. Every time I do manage to return to eavesdrop on everyone, it feels like everyone is just becoming more and more isolated from each other. I saw a post on ‘that’ group from someone who said that they wondered what I was up to, to which someone else replied that I pretty much only use tumblr now...and that really hurt me a lot. I cant blame them for thinking that way though, given that I hardly appear anymore. I deserved that.

Every time I look into my tumblrs past posts, I always have dramas. This was supposed to be a place of fun, but because the peak of my tumblr career involved the misadventures between myself and my ex and a certain red horse, looking back always brings up a lot of repressed memories.

I dont want to quit tumblr. But at the same time, I dont want to keep going. I dont know what to do. I really wish that things could have been like they were back in the first quarter of 2013. I liked that.

Over 5 years since then, and I dont know how to move on. I really dont.

[okimargarvez]

HURT - 8

Prompt: Luke’s dark thought, destiny, contrasted love. Warnings: sexual content, dark thoughts. Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, BAU team, others. Pairing: Garvez. Multichapter (22).

GARVEZ STORIES

Chapter 1-  Chapter 2-  Chapter 3    Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6    Chapter 7

HURT- Chapter 8

 It's been a few weeks and there hasn’t been any kind of change between them. Neither positive nor negative. Neither of them confided the problem to another human being: Penelope discussed it with Sergio (Emily's cat) and Luke, although talked to Roxy, he didn’t open the matter with his therapist.

Gradually they began to prick, almost coming to the point of self-assurance that what had been there was all in their heads, not concrete, but the result of a fantasy too fervid and abstinence pushed to the extreme. The others didn’t, as usual, realize nothing. They were discussing the possibility that the team would add a new member, there were also Spencer and JJ. Rossi had been in Prentiss's office for at least two hours.

-You couldn’t find anything out, with all your super powers?- Luke asks, with an ironic teasing tone. Penelope isn’t far behind. She puffs, looks at him wrong, while the other two bystanders, hardly hide funny smiles.

-Oh, ha ha, newbie. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I checked with all the mes in other units, to see if any of their agent are transferring over. Nobody knows diddley-squat.- he can’t help but admire how the glasses perfectly match the necklace and the jacket (and other so little masculine thoughts cross his mind), even if  he would rip the latter fly away, as well as the dark red shirt, with a rhombus...

- Well, I feel like Emily's been poring over these resumes forever.- JJ exclaims, distracting him from such thoughts, flying towards him -...I mean, the brass has to approve a new agent soon, right?- she then asks, apparently not aware of anything.

- All I know is, whoever he or she is, they'd better be nice. That is the most important thing to me.- she pronounces the sentence, looking directly at Luke.

- To all of us.- Spencer says, not catching the little arrow behind a phrase typically "Garcia". Penelope sighs.

- So whoever this well-qualified mystery person is, I say once they join, we change our name from The Magnificent 7 to The Awesome 8. Huh? It's perfect.- her enthusiasm isn’t shared by anyone, not even by him, who would do anything to make her smile, to see again that face enlighten and know to be partly responsible.

A chorus of -I do not know...- and similar resounds in the area. The blonde doesn’t lose heart.

-I’m declaring a dictatorship. You guys don’t get a vote. Especially you, newbie.- again that adjective that sends blood to his head. He would also immediately show her who is the newbie. The problem is that the only way that comes to his mind is always the same. And in addition to undoubtedly causing damage, not solving the question, etc., it is not even feasible, because she will not fall more easily in his arms, as it could be before he had say that horrible sentence...

-Sorry guys, no news. But we have a case...- Prentiss's appearance on the balcony, silencing the question for the moment.

-What?- she asks, then a message arrives, she looks at her phone and nods -Oh yeah, we do. This isn’t sgood.- then she walks toward the meeting room. Quickly followed by others. Also reappears Tara, who asks for information from their communication expert. Penelope begins to distribute the folders to each, noting with great disappointment that Luke has sat right in the place next to her (damned!); at the same time, she begins to explain the details of the case. -Okay, last night in Iakima, Washington – she feels his eyes on her, it's not just her impression. Why the hell is he still staring at her? In such a clear way, in front of others? But fortunately, they are all bent over the sheets, they are following her explanation. -police received multiple 911 phone calls from the same neighborhood.- nothing, he doesn’t want to give up. Is he doing it on purpose, to see if he can confuse her? She will not give him this satisfaction. -They all reported a woman...- he, who took the remote control and played with it a little, is now forced to pass it on to her. Their fingers touch for a time longer than necessary for the transition. And this time in the eyes of JJ doesn’t escape any subtext. It is obvious that there must be something more, between these two, it is no longer detesting someone who has taken the place of her best friend. But if Penelope doesn’t want to talk to her, she can’t force her to do it-… pounding on the door, screaming for help. She was hysterical. They received five calls in less than five minutes.- the screen shows the flashing red dots in the sighting areas.

-Let me guess. Not one person opened their door to help her.- Rossi considers. Penelope nods.

-Sad commentary on our times.- Spencer adds -But understandable: a stranger at your door cold be a ruse to get into your home to rob you.- JJ raises her eyes to this sentence.

-Or worse.- and she exchanges an eloquent look with Tara.

-All of the caller described the woman as been in her mid-20s and scantily clad. One even called her a prostitute.- when she listens to him she feels bad, she wants to be able to leave the room, not having to see him anymore. Because continue to come to her mind fragments of their "relationships", especially those in which she was exactly felt that way: an object, a thing, an automaton, worse, a slave who had to satisfy all his wishes. And the most tragic thing is that she almost liked it! -Said that a hooded figure grabbed her off the street, was driving a dark-colored car.- while it is clear that he has already forgotten everything, he speaks of the case in a detached, serious, focused.

-So we have an abduction.- Dr. Lewis takes the floor for the first time.

-It appears so, but that not the only reason they called us.- and in fact the situation is much worse than they might have initially seemed.

-Right, because when the local police were looking for the missing woman- Penelope is careful not to turn her head in his direction -they uncovered the remains of two female victims on the bank of a nearby creek. -here are the pictures of the victims, with the body practically mummified. -One was skeletonized. And the other was in a burlap sack. She has been dead for three weeks.- she can’t help thinking that this poor woman was still alive when she was having a good time and she thought she had found... the man with whom to spend her life. It's too much? Was she a total fool, for having hoped for us so much? Probably. But keep the doubt, the dilemma in eternity, more or less as she had done with Morgan, never going beyond that boundary that so many times would have wanted to cross... where it had got her? It is better to have regrets for something that has been done, but has gone wrong, or have them for something that has never been accomplished and will never know how it could have gone? Rhetorical question.

-She also had barbed wire wrapped around the waist.- Tara notices.

-She being Debra McDermott, 27, from Moxee. Washington.- Penelope explains.

-Run away from home at 16, multiple arrests for prostitution... Given the witnesses statements for the current missing woman... I’d says our unsub is got a type.- JJ wonders. Then what she is feared happens. Luke turns to her, to ask a question. He does it because it's his job, they have to catch those who have done such horrible things to these poor creatures. But could he not at least avoid looking at her that way? -Any idea on the skeleton?- the only way she has to defend herself is to shake her head keeping her eyes tightly closed. Sealed.

-No, not yet.- fortunately Spencer, without knowing it, runs to her rescue.

-But her date of death is estimated to be 3 years ago.- considers in fact the little genius.

-Three years and now three weeks. What are the odds he remained dormant between victims?- Rossi asks.

- We should look into recent local prison releases that match that timeframe.- Prentiss addresses directly to Penelope.

-I'll search that now.- and while she says it, she's already starting to type on her computer.

- He could have been sublimating his urges by reliving the kills.- Tara proposes.

- Maybe he found a job- Luke continues through attempts -or a relationship that satisfied him...- but it is not accidental that in saying this last part of the sentence, he glances at her. It's all in your head. He doesn’t feel anything. He said it was just sex. He didn’t even choose you. Except that Tara wasn’t his type and the others were busy. Give it a reason, hell! A month will have passed in a while, and you still think about it! I have to stop talking to myself.

-If either went sour, that could have triggered his killing again.- Reid continues.

- The only thing we know for certain is we have two dead victims and a missing woman who's still out there. Wheels up in 20.- saying this the chief dissolves the meeting. Luke is still a few moments to look at the pictures in his dossier, then gets up and follows the others outside the room. Leaving her alone again, to fix things. More or less as he had done before.

 Let me be the first to welcome you.

How much hatred does he feel, to hear her say (in his head) this sentence again? And he could make fun of himself, not admitting that he noticed the way Penelope had staring the "new new guy", eyes that practically came out of her head, not even she hadn’t seen Morgan. But maybe that was it, he looked a little like him, now we don’t exaggerate, seen by a person without glasses who couldn’t see her hand in front of her face ... well, maybe the super special agent he soon replaced, and Stephen Walker would be could look similar. In any case, she had reserved a welcome that was very different from his. And when she shook her hand for the second time, to present herself officially, he hadn’t succeeded in holding back. He had complained to everyone about how she had treated him unjustly. And that he was tired of being called newbie. Now he wasn’t the new comer anymore. Did she couldn’t force herself to call him by his real name, as did the others?

But such a request would never have happened if they had found themselves. Because the others didn’t know what he had done to her. Otherwise neither JJ, nor certainly Spencer, would ever give him a rope. And Emily to protect her computer technician would surely be able to get him fired.

In the end it was closed with a proposal for an armistice, to celebrate in the usual O'Keef. But he had refused. He wouldn’t have been able to stare at her while other people, male beings, approached her to try to flirt with her, they took her hand, bring her to the dance floor, smiled at her and received smiles in return. They touched her and looked at her in ways that no one else besides him would ever allow himself to use.

He still feels that she is his, and in his utopia, she is as faithful as she is in this (almost) month of separation. But why would she do that? They had never even been officially together. They had only fucked. This what he had told her. Spectacular lie. At this moment, lying on his stomach on his bed, a hand immersed in Roxy's fur, aware that even this night he couldn’t sleep, he almost feels the lack of those ghosts that seem to have abandoned him. Even them.

[mattyslittleworld]

dead mans coffee

July / 2020

Just woke up in my front seat, at a rest stop in Tennessee. First thing I saw was my ALL WILL SUFFER tattoo on my leg. A constant reminder of a different person. Tomorrow I’m getting coffee with Skrillex’s right hand man in Nashville, and I’m nursing a cold coffee in the heat watching this crazy lightning shoot across the skyline. It looks like the end of the world. Or some fucked up Lucero song. I must’ve pulled over for a second and closed my eyes and just dropped dead for hours while parked, I’m on the way to my hotel. 

I am sitting in a diner on broadway in Nashville, TN. Nursing another shitty coffee booking meetings. As the texts come in I ignore them because they are covering the screen and distracting me from reading and studying how to properly sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads In Mississippi. 

Clarksdale, Mississippi

12:30 am

Where Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, and now, Matty Carlock, sold their souls to the devil. 

December / 2020

Sitting in my home, in Hollywood, CA. I have the window open, and I hear the subtle sound of LA breathing, cars passing on the boulevard, sirens off in the distance, and a vinyl record of mine spinning at the lowest volume possible for me to still hear yet ignore it. I feel calm and at peace, although, it seems like a parallel feeling is war, confusion, imposter syndrome, abandonment, and skeptical. How could these two umbrellas of emotion coexist? Its very interesting. Ive been recording so much music that has nothing to do with my artist project. Its been liberating to put that aside for something greater. A new focus. Leaving artistry a vessel solely for extreme self expression and cathartic release. 

July / 2020

Winding the day down, 10:30pm. With an open tab that reads “Tigers Jaw holiday show” - on pause. I open my Mac book on my couch, ready to go through stems and ratchet strip club beats, and it catches my eye. I press play and it leads me down a rabbit hole. I find myself watching “Never Saw It Coming” right into “Chemicals” / live in Boston. Like lightning it struck through my entire body. Maybe it was the 2 hour long conversation with Andy? And the memories we were trading. The bond we have over hard times, innocence, violence, literal blood on the pavement, years of freezing in the winter....nowhere to go. The people that were around - we made forever memories to these two songs. I right away, made a playlist that consists of “The Sun, I Saw Water, Chemicals, Never Saw It Coming, and Planes”. On top of that I found the live acoustic set they recorded and put out. When I was young on DIY tours, sleeping on floors, dirty as shit, poor as shit, a human being at the very best.....the uncertainty of my near future was so bleak. I remember Title Fight came out with their record “Shed” - and the song “where am I?” would lay me down on long drives, or on the floor. I’d watch white lines pass one by one by one into the abyss of nothing. 

The line 

“Another floor

A different ceiling than the night before

Where am I?

While you’re back home”

Missing my girlfriend at that current time, leaving, and just laying on a strangers floor thinking where am I while you’re back home? What am I doing? Maybe there’s nothing only this moment?

On the tigers jaw live EP they covered this acoustic and it’s everything right now. I am fortunate to live a block away from the sunset strip - and I grabbed my skateboard and just bolted into the night. 

This SO SPECIFIC FEELING of these songs. That nobody in this environment will ever understand. It’s so beautiful. It’s so real. It’s so raw. It’s exactly what I need right now - as the past 3 weeks I’ve been living here have moved faster than the past 4 years. A loss of identity easily awaits you. It’s like you fight your whole life for that moment, to get to where you dream of, to get a shot. Scrape and crawl. And then reset. Since I’ve been living in Hollywood my day to day has been a huge mirror for me. The parts of myself I’ve been trying out run have caught me. Maybe all of this could coexist? 

March 2nd / 2021

Spring is here. Its 75 degrees in LA and theres this new thing I noticed while driving around…..the overbearing smell of flowers in the air. It sounds like a movie. Its fucked up cause It felt like a funeral in my car. I was like what the fuck is happening? It smells like a small funeral in here….are my dreams dying? Am I dying? Is punk dead? Okay its just a Ryan gosling movie out here I guess. Whatever lets go. Here’s some hatrebreed. But the windows are down. My mood is different. My spirit is lifted, which ive been desperate to say. I automatically get punched in the guts with the feeling of driving so fucking fast, and blasting title fight. Skateboarding. Looooooooooong drives with fucked up friends to out of state shows no one will be at. Im listening to Stab by Title Fight - off the Shed LP. What a specific time in my life this brings back. That I usually talk about on this little throw up blog often. Spring is such a pivotal time in my life every year. Since covid shows stopped - human decency stopped - community stopped - my natural habitat was taken from me, and all of my friends and family. I remember living in New York in 2011. At the New Yorker. I was studying at the Institute Of Audio Research to be a janitor in my home town. Because that’s what they teach you. Instead of studying compression, and listening to washed up hacks talk to me about music, I would walk out my building onto 8th ave. B Line it Penn Station. Get on the LIRR and ride that shit right into the best LI shows every night I could. Id meet all my friends from Jersey / NYC / Philly and even Baltimore because it was so common to make it a priority to no matter what, drive hours on end to support a hardcore shows and to not lose touch with the hundreds around the country that you call family. Drive to Richmond for a shows on a Monday night, go off, hit a diner after with your new found tribe, then drive home, be back at 6 am, and just stumble into your bullshit job with a black eye or scratches all over you. It was all worth it. Probably quit that job anyway to go on tour with your friends band and live as gypsies for the entire summer too. Spring embodies this spirit for me. Church parking lots in Doylestown, PA - full of kids from all over the country, who left their problems in their hometown, to just get on the road with their best friends and basically start a new life. It is just amazing how formative those years were for a lot of my friends. I have people I met at shows from all over the country messaging me always checking in, and supporting, and sometimes it feels like I know them better than my first cousins, aunts and uncles. We were at war together. We fought against the world together. We found ourselves together. We created shit from nothing. Determination and passion. Oh no….Planes by Tigers Jaw just came on. You know the vibe. This shit just hits so different now as a pop / hip hop producer. This PA scene, mixed with NJHC, just stood me up and gave me confidence to have my own voice, my own thoughts, and to fight back. Something about being in a shitty car and it smells like dirty vans and like…..axe to cover up the smell. BELTING Basement and car moshing and almost driving off a bridge. Listen. I know every single blog is about this. But fuck you fight me. ITS CALLED SELF EXPRESSION GRANDMA. SO STRAP INTO YOUR BOOT THINGS AND ENJOY THE RIDE TO NOWHERE. Its been crazy living in LA. I live directly on Hollywood BLVD, on the Walk Of Fame. Where I was almost killed two weeks ago over someones gang that my ass is not in. My guy looked at me and said YO YOU MATTY? And I was listening to Taylor swift in my headphones walking back from Starbucks and it was so funny how different my energy was. I was like bro can you kill me already dude because these Taylor tones are so good that they gunna just end up killing me anyway. So perfect timing. I think the guy was mad at my friend to say the least lol. But every night its loud 808’s, the sounds of the city, amazing energy, and neon lights shining in from lit up billboards off the BLVD. Its such a culture shock for me. I feel like im too aggressive just from being east coast. But its just what it is. It took me a little to adapt to being in sessions and meetings with seasoned people in this industry who have major cuts and recognition. But I just learned to double down on myself, and be as authentic as I possibly can be. Theres nothing like crushing writing sessions in the pop realm, then turning off my shit, unplugging, and run into the night with my skateboard and old punk records. It’s almost like my own secret that is becoming my blood. I haven’t been communicating with the ones who like my music, have interest in what im doing, come to my shows etc - since I touched down here….I just unplugged….started writing HEAVY and decided to dedicate months to getting better, learning, becoming smarter, discovering a vision that’s much broader than what were sold, finding myself, making sure my wisdom is parallel to my age - if not wise beyond my years. A lot of artists and bands SING, PLAY, PERFORM, PROMOTE. But I have decided to WATCH, ATTEND, and LISTEN. Everynight I sit down with tea, unplug, and spin records on my turntable…in the dark, in my living room, alone….all kinds of records. From The National, to Springsteen, to Title Fight, to Hendrix, to the rare Troublemaker LP and 7” I have…..Sharon Van Etten, Jesse Malin…..ugh. Its just bliss. Pure bliss. Right now im drinking coffee and bouncing from listening to Into It Over It and American Football. I spent all last night rapping my ass off, mixing, and singing ref vocals for other people. It was so fun. Im finding a lot of my new material is this spirit im talking about - but over hip hop production. I want to tell my life story and combat the stereotypes of modern rap and pop music with true intentions and unique tones of untold stories that press, radio, and this market usually doesn’t get fed. Ive also realized a lot of music I was promoting over the past year to come out (prior to the pandemic) hasn’t come out….and I know people are questioning that….what is happening? So before covid I had German solo dates booked - and then I was going to the UK right after. I have a bunch of single drops lined up with music videos. Some you can guess with who. And then the pandemic hit and I canceled everything and decided to pivot my focus into my passion for songwriting and production, instead of sitting around “waiting for shows to come back.” I pretended that shows were never going to come back and doubled down on my career as a producer, that at the time, still is, moving forward at a faster rate than my artist shit. So I packed my shit after offers, and opportunity presented themselves. Touched down on a Tuesday, with meetings that Friday. Off to the races. In sessions that following Monday. Fast forward here we are. Hungry, learning, learnt, turned 30. Looking at the next decade like Mcgregor at the weigh in. Fight ready. Ive learned so much since the fall that all of the music I had planned on releasing, I loaded it back up, tore it apart, and re built it. So its not stale, so its not expired, so its not “then”….so its NOW. Which im so glad I did, and im doing. I don’t think ive been in the booth more. My mind is so stimulated by this wave im on. And its got me in a good place. Now that the spirit of spring is here, my mental health is going to be taking a big leap as well and im going to do everything I can to just flood all of this content. I think Never Meant by American Football is the best song ever made. Me and Mike were talking about doing a song together a few months ago and that would be such a trip for me. 

I wanted to talk about my recent trip to Joshua Tree. I was invited by Christopher Thorn from Blind Melon to live at his studio for a few days to write together. I didn’t really know what to expect. I met him once or twice thru Clinch, and just around the Sea Hear Now circle back east, and I was familiar with No Rain (his hit). We got on the phone, picked a weekend where it’d work for both of us, got some covid tests, and boom. Packed my shit again (right off a flight back from New York, where I shot 3 music videos, and did 1 remote session in 2 fucking days), and drove out to the desert. There is no address so I had a map. It was epic. It was in the desert desert. Like THE DESERT FAM. Coyotes at night, snakes and shit. The air was so dry, your lips would get chapped to let you know death was right around the corner so you better man up baby boy. Beforehand - from all the traveling and flights, and burning myself out on videos and sessions, I found myself listening to a lot of acoustic Nebraska Springsteen type shit. John Moreland, or even like acoustic bayside, Lucero, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits…..just pure music with no samples, not gridded, not sold, no machine, no click, just real live country music inspired by the human condition….of the earth. It was just speaking to my soul…..so when we booked this to get in the room together….man was I ready. I don’t think ive had an experience so fruitful to the soul. And ive played shows in Slovenia, and sipped espresso on a bridge that looked like a painting, staring at subtle mountain tops off in the distance like I was a character in some book. We started working at night and ran it up till like 3 am. As the sun came down the lights off in the distance miles and miles away were so clear because we were just the only life form around….and it would just shine into the studio windows and reflect on the perimeter making it seem like we were surrounded by New York City. It did a lot for my soul to play drums, acoustic, sing, play piano, shred electric, even mix a little. I felt like I made a very fast lifelong friend. Its been a minute since I got on with someone like that. We talked a lot about growing up touring. And wed finish each others sentences regarding topics that ONLY people like us would know. Like Subway being a life line for DIY touring, or the weird strange feelings of comfort from rest stops in the middle of nowhere at 4 am, the rest stop coffee that you get to just make the next 2 hours of the drive into town bearable. But then you see your boy from your band in the other aisle so you throw shit at him. Then you all stumble back into the van/bus and just disappear into the night. This shit was so needed for me. When Id wake up, id make espresso, and just sit out front and listen to Joe Rogan, at this random chair that was behind his studio, facing the mountains. Just endless property waiting to leave you 6 feet in the ground. I sat there and sipped my espresso, and just reflected on the long journey of my career. How many random moments like this ive found myself in since I was 15. In the middle of the desert where Springsteen hangs out with my heroes, off the strength of my songwriting. Or in Romania drinking coffee, fucked off, on a bench far from the venue, by random train lines in the pouring rain by myself. The farthest from humanity I can be. Or the random VFW hall in my head that I don’t even know where it is, with my little punk crew, who all smell like complete shit and cigarettes and soda, fucked off god knows where, just to finger point and sing along to this band we found on myspace that were in OUR hometown the weekend prior singing to our band. Theres just an endless string of memories that can go on forever, with stories that just fulfill a lifetime, of conversations that just make the white lines on I95 move faster. Or just everyone is quiet - reading a book - texting - exhausted from the night prior - and you just ABRUPTLY turn on teenage dream by Katy Perry SOOOO LOUD - take your shirt off and start dropping it like its hot from the passenger front seat, and catch a mid afternoon front flip stage dive into the backseat. From those youthful days of this underground spirit, to existing in a realm of pure monsters of my craft, I truly believe this next decade could co exist and be one for the books. Damn I feel good. Also me and Sasso started a book club called BSU and you can’t be in it because you probably read books and the only rule for our book club besides not speaking about book club is, you can’t read books. Okay im going to go buy a bike right now so I can ride It to Mexico and get abducted by the cartel and sold for bitcoin. FAREWELL EARTHLINGZ. 

[jksmoongf]

Taking Chances [part 9]

[part 1]  [part 2]  [part 3]  [part 4]  [part 5]  [part 6]  [part 7]  [part 8]

Warning: none

Wordcount: 2003

*A/N: I hope you like this part :) thank you for reading, my lovelies :)  

Thank you @jaxonah for suporting my shitty ideas and always being my number 1 fan! ILYSM BBY💘

———————————————————

Jungkook had been tossing and turning all night. Pressing the home button on his IPhone, he saw that it was almost 3 am. This had been his life recently. He had the hardest time falling asleep; concentrating during the day wasn’t any easier. She was still occupying his every thought, even though she broke his heart. The night she told him that she wasn’t in love with him and ended their friendship, he had cried himself to sleep. The boys had taken turns in staying with him, trying their hardest to distract him or cheer him up, even for a little while. Nothing seemed to work, he always found himself questioning what he had done wrong. Why didn’t she love him back? He had tried so hard to impress her, to show her that he was a man and could take care of her. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t good enough. Many times his mind went back to the first time they met. She had been working for a TV broadcaster, and showed them around set and backstage. Usually older girls intimidated him and made him shy but she was different. She had been so kind and funny, that he felt a connection right away.  At first, they were just friends; all the guys really liked her. It wasn’t until he saw her with another man that he realized his feelings for her. He kept them bottled up deep inside; for the longest time it was his biggest nightmare that she’d find out. It wasn’t easy but he had managed to keep it a secret, even though he had wanted to scream that he was in love with her from the top of his lungs so many times. He had learned all her little quirks and habits, he knew so much about her that other people might come to the conclusion that it was weird, but it had been his only way of feeling closer to her. He loved how she was always up for his antics; going to Han river late at night, taking silly selfies or dancing around to cheesy pop songs.

Lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, he remembered the first time he had ever confessed his feelings to one of his brothers. It happened many months ago on tour in Japan. He had shared a hotel room with Yoongi and in the comfort of the darkness in his bed; he told him that he was in love for the first time. The older boy didn’t judge him for falling for her, he just told him that he had known all along and not to get caught up in his feelings. But it happened; his urge to be with her had lead him to making a big mistake. Exactly one month ago was the last time he had seen her face. When he closed his eyes the image of her in his mind became blurry. He tried to remember what her voice sounded like, but it was only a faint whisper. His brothers had deleted all of her pictures on his phone; even her number was gone. They just wanted to protect him; make it easier for him to get over her. But how was he supposed to do that when she was always on his mind? He wanted to hear her laugh again; the real one where her heart was full and tears were running down her cheeks from laughing so much. He missed that sound, and it made his stomach ache. The pitter-patter of the rain on his window snapped him back into reality. It was now past 3 in the morning and he couldn’t take it anymore. The boys wouldn’t let him talk to her, let alone see her. One time he had gone through Jin’s phone to read their messages. He just needed reassurance that she was okay, like they always told him. It was a kneejerk reaction but he quickly climbed out of bed, picked up the black skinny jeans and hoodie he had worn the day before and got dressed. Everyone was asleep so this was his only opportunity to do what he had wanted to do for two weeks now. As quietly as possible, he left his room and tiptoed through the dark apartment, when suddenly the bathroom door opened. “Where are you going?” Yoongi asked the younger one. Jungkook felt bad about lying to his older brother, but he wasn’t going to let him get in the way. “Hyung, I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to go for a walk.” He heard a soft chuckle from behind him. “Go see her. I won’t tell.”  When he turned around, the older one was already sleepily walking back to his room. “Thank you.” He whispered, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to hear him.  Hastily, he put on a pair of sneakers and a beanie, before leaving the apartment. She didn’t live far and despite the heavy rain, he started running. The streets of this part of Seoul were empty in the early hours of the morning; only once in a while a car passed him by. He came to a halt in front of her apartment complex. He looked up, counting the floors and windows until he reached hers. The lights were off, but a window was cracked open. So she was home. He laughed quietly; of course she was home at this time. He stood in the entrance, hoping that they didn’t change the passcode, which would gain him access without ringing her doorbell from down here. Shortly after he punched in the numbers, he heard the buzzing sound and he pushed the door open. There were two elevators for the residents of the building; he pushed the buttons multiple times, wishing that the elevators would hurry up. But he couldn’t wait; he turned around and ran up the stairs to the seventh floor. When he reached the top, he stood there for a minute trying to regain control of his rapid breathing, before sprinting down the corridor. Just like the elevator buttons, he frantically pushed the doorbell, and started knocking on the door. He could see the light being switched on through the small, milky glass window in the door. He was shaking; the rain had completely soaked his clothes. The part of his hair that was sticking out from underneath his beanie was dripping wet. He could hear the chain being removed and she unlocked the door. He held his breath; his mind was racing. What was he thinking? Why did he come here? She said, she didn’t want to be friends with a liar and that’s what he was. He wanted to run but it was too late; the door opened. And there she was, in a big oversized white t-shirt, hair up in a messy bun, no make up. She was so goddamn beautiful. “Jungkook?” She sounded confused, rubbing her eyes as if she thought she was dreaming and he wasn’t actually standing there. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.” He felt his eyes filling up with tears. “Why did you come?” Her voice was calm; he had expected her to be angry with him. “Be-because I needed to see you. I-I mi-…” The words got caught in his throat. It wasn’t a good idea to tell her that he was missing her, even though she had broken his heart. “You’re soaking wet, do you want to come inside?” He shook his head. “I should go, I never should have come. I respect your decision and I’m sorry for waking you up.” When he turned to leave, she grabbed his arm. “Come inside, silly.” He slowly followed her; his heart was beating so fast, he wasn’t sure if he was going to have a heart attack. “Take your shoes off, I’ll get you a towel and something to wear. We can’t have you catching a cold.” He nodded, slipped out of his sneakers and went into her living room. She was still so nice and caring, although he lied to her. Nothing in her apartment had changed; everything looked exactly how he remembered. After all, it had only been a month but to him it felt so much longer. When you’re in pain, time seems to slow down, making days feel like weeks and months feel like years. She came back from her bedroom, holding a fluffy towel and some clothes. “Get changed.” He did as he was told and put on a baggy black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. “Are these yours?” He asked, while trying to dry his hair at least a little with the towel. “Yeah, I like comfy clothes when I’m home, don’t judge.” She gathered up his wet garments. “I’ll go hang these up, you know where the kitchen is, if you want anything.” But he wouldn’t find what he wanted or needed in the kitchen. The only thing he needed was her and he couldn’t have her. He wished that he had bought some Soju on his way here and downed it before knocking on her door. How was he going to gather up the courage to talk to her without the help of liquid confidence?  She came back and sat down on the couch. “So…” Usually the silence between them was more comfortable, but not this time. “How are you?” He asked, still standing in the middle of the living room, because it was closer to the door in case he decided to bolt. “I’m…okay. How are you, Kookie?” The sad look on her face and the way she said his nickname, made him feel sick to his stomach. He wasn’t the only one hurting. “I’m not doing so good.” He lowered his gaze, staring at the carpet as he felt his eyes well up again. Why wasn’t he man enough not to cry in front of her? “Noona, I’m sorry that I lied to you.” He whispered, wiping away the tears from his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry.” She didn’t reply right away, like she was carefully contemplating what to say. “Why did you do it?” He swallowed hard. He wasn’t good at getting his feelings across, but he had to try… for her. “I don’t know, I-I… it was a stupid idea. I was… am so in love with you that I didn’t think straight anymore. I knew, you weren’t in love with me and I thought maybe you’d start to like me if we did it…but how was I supposed to make that happen? So I came up with that stupid idea that ruined everything.”  He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down his shaking body and stop himself from sobbing. “I thought it was my only chance, so I took it. I didn’t think I’d lose you and your friendship over that but I have and it has been hell.” Tears were running down his cheeks uncontrollably. Why was she so quiet? He felt so vulnerable and exposed standing in the middle of the room, almost like living in a goldfish bowl. “I-I’m just so in love with you and I am sorry for betraying you. I know now that you need a man by your side and not a stupid boy like me.” He bowed his head. “Can you please forgive me?” Carefully, he looked up at her, she was crying too. “Kookie, I don’t know if I can, it hurt that you lied to me and you were one of my closest friends.” She used past tense. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice cubes down his stomach; like someone pulled the carpet from underneath his feet but he couldn’t give up just yet. “I don’t care that you don’t love me, noona. I really don’t. I just want you in my life. P-Please forgive me.” He begged frantically, hoping that she could find it in her heart to eventually let him back in.

[tiannasthrone-blog]

She's happy with me [Winchester!Reader x Castiel]

Pairing: Castiel x Winchester!Reader

Word Count: 2141 

Summary: The reader is Sam's twin sister and has a secret relationship with Castiel, until the two brothers catch them, but not in a comfortable situation.

Warnings: Bad language. 

* English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for possible grammatical errors.

My head was leaning gently on Castiel's chest. My arm over his abdomen and our legs slightly tangled under the white sheets of my hotel bed in which we were staying because of the current hunt we're working on.

Thank God Dean had rented two rooms. So I could sleep comfortably and relaxed next to Cas, something that sincerely didn't happen very often, because neither of my two brothers was aware of the relationship that I had with the angel. And exactly 6 months ago we started with it. Those months had been something totally wonderful to me and it was quite strange that my two brothers didn't suspect anything about how close I had become with Cas or that I always wanted to be with him.

We're both scared of the reactions Dean and Sam would have if we told them, so we decided we would keep it a secret for a while.

I opened my eyes with laziness and with the sleep still tied to my body. I let out a groan to see that it was exactly nine o'clock in the morning.

"Good morning, love." The husky voice of the angel lying next to me made me shiver slightly. Cas gave a slight laugh as I clearly felt my shudder and pulled my body closer to his, not releasing his grip on his arms around my torso.

"Good morning, angel." I replied softly. I lifted my head and rested my chin on Castiel's chest, to find myself with that pair of baby blue eyes that seemed to see my soul whenever they met mine. A silly grin crept into Castiel's lips and he laid a hand on my chin delicately, then brought his face closer to mine, and when his lips almost brushed mine, I quickly parted with a mocking smile drawing on my lips.

The angel frowned and seconds later he seemed to remember something. He rolled his eyes, before stealing the words from my mouth. "You have to brush your teeth before you kiss."

"Touché." I whispered while I was getting away from Castiel's body and left a chaste kiss on his forehead to rise from the bed, or at least try, as the angel circled my waist and pulled me back to him. I let out a laugh at the ticklings that made his hands on my hips. "Cas." I said between laughter, trying to separate myself from his body, but he with his angelic strength, barely let me move.

"I don't want you to leave me. Stay with me in bed, please." His voice sounded like a perfect melody to my ears. I smiled and kissed his chest over the shirt that he used to go to bed.

"I'm just going to brush my teeth." At last I was able to separate myself from his chest to raise my head and look at him, who when his eyes met mine, those of him seemed to begin to appreciate more strongly his brilliance and the adoration with which he always looked at me. "I'll be back in a minute and you can have me for as long as you want, bright eyes."

"Do you promise?" He spoke softly, raising his eyebrows slightly.

I rolled my eyes with a smile drawn on my lips, but still nodded my head. "I promise, Cas."

"Okay." He murmured smiling, releasing his grip on my body and allowing me to get up of the bed.

I went to the bathroom that was a few meters from the bed and I took the brush from my teeth, then began to brush my teeth while looking at me in the mirror. From the reflection I could get to see the silhouette of Castiel's legs under the bedcover and bed sheets of the hotel's bed. I bent down to spit my toothpaste with water and when I lifted my head again, the silhouette of Cas's legs in the reflection of the mirror were gone. I frowned and dried my mouth with the towel that was hanging next to the handwash.

I walked out of the bathroom and in fact the angel was no longer lying in bed, now on it were only the sheets untidy.

I crossed my arms and lifted my right eyebrow, wondering to myself where Castiel could have gone so urgently.

Arms around my waist made me leap and I turned to meet Castiel's silly, bright smile.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I exclaimed as I gently slammed the angel's shoulder in front of me. Castiel let out a small laugh between his lips and brought me to his body until his forehead met mine. His eyes at that short distance seemed to shine with more force and his lips more appetizing.

I pressed my face to his and joined my lips with his in a warm kiss. I rolled his neck with my arms and began to walk backwards without separating my lips from those of Castiel, who followed me slowly. When my ankles bumped into the bed, Cas caught me spinning quickly and sitting on the bed, now with me on his lap. His hands settled on my waist and mine played with his hair on the back of his neck.

As my lungs were not receiving oxygen, they're began to complain, so I separated from Cas slowly. Our foreheads were united again.

"It's worth waiting for you to brush your teeth." His warm breath hit my face and I wasn't surprised to not smell anything bad in it, indeed, it smelled like honey. Damn angels and their virtues.

"I know." I retorted and bit my lower lip. Castiel took his gaze from mine to bring it to my lips, just as I wanted. He tried to give me another kiss, but I pulled him away from me, pushing him back until his back was against the bed. His eyes now expressed lust. I sat on him and bent down to join our lips again. He laid one hand on my thigh and another on my waist.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ?!" Dean's scream made me open my eyes completely stunned and I parted in a swift motion of Castiel, letting myself fall beside him on the bed. Dean was standing in the doorway with a angry expression and Sam was right behind him, looking surprised.

I shared a look with the angel next to me and the fear completely invaded me. This was wrong. I was completely screwed.

Castiel swallowed loudly as I stood up and walked to my older brother, who was walking towards us with his ears almost smoldering smoke.

"I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed, pointing his finger at Castiel.

I put a hand on my brother's chest, stopping him, or at least trying. "Dean, I can explain this." My voice sounded strong and firm, something that totally surprised me.

My older brother moved his eyes from Castiel towards me and I knew he was more than angry, he was furious. "Explain it? Yes, [Y/N], like hell you're gonna' do it!"

"Dean, calm down." Castiel stammered.

"Shut up!" His exclamation made me take a slight leap. "You want me to calm down?! Kicking your ass right now would calm me down!"

I looked over Dean's shoulder looking for my twin brother. When I found him, I asked him for help with my eyes, but seeing him with his arms crossed and a disapproving look, I raised my eyebrows and I turned my eyes back to Dean.

"Do you want to stop screaming? You look like my grandmother." I groaned rolling my eyes as I pushed Dean hard and made him walk backwards, until he was standing right next to Sam's side.

"This is not funny, [Y/N] It's serious!" Samuel exclaimed raising his arms slightly. Dean nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.

I felt myself shrink under the angry glance of my brothers. A pang of guilt felt right in the center of my stomach and I let out a sigh from between my lips. "Guys, I'm sorry I did not tell you what was going on, okay?"

Castiel got off the bed and walked towards us until he reached my side. His shoulder brushed mine.

"We were afraid of the reaction you would have." The angel confessed and interlaced the fingers of his left hand with mine. Dean and Sam lowered their eyes to our hands and I could feel their expressions relax a little, just a little.

"It would have been less scandalous than this, guys." My twin brother said softly denying with his head, causing his hair to sway with movement.

"Please, you would have been just as dramatic." I cocked my eyebrows, Dean copied my action and looked at his brother. "Ugh, just accept it, guys. You'll never approve any of my relationships."

Castiel gave me a gentle squeeze with his hand.

"It's easy to say, you know? Since that relationship of yours is with a freaking angel!" Dean raised his voice again. I closed my eyes tightly at the scream.  I felt the guilt grow more and more, causing a knot to grow with it in my throat. When I opened my eyes Castiel was staring at me, then turned his head to my angry older brother, now with some annoyance on his face.

"I'd advise you to stop yelling at her, Dean." Castiel said seriously. Dean looked at the angel and narrowed his eyes, before opening his mouth to speak, but Castiel interrupted him. "She has always be quiet about the women you take to your rooms or all the times you go to a bar with the aim of finding a woman, she never complain you with something about it." Dean closed his mouth sharply and clenched his jaw as he heard Cas speak. He knew Cas was right. The angel turned his gaze to Samuel, who until now had been in complete silence. "Sam, you were with a demon and [Y/N] never warned you or claimed you anything." I could feel a smudge of pain creep into Sammy's expression as he listened to Castiel. He knew the angel was talking about Ruby. "So, I would tell you to start being less selfish and let your sister be happy. She's happy with me." I turned my head to the right so I could look at Cas. "I had never felt anything so strong for anyone, hell, I had never felt a feeling in my entire life. I would do anything if it would lead to your acceptance of our relationship."

I squeezed his hand and he looked at me, and gave me a smile.

My two brothers looked at us as if we were some kind of book to which they were watching the cover carefully, to see if they were interested or not what was inside.

Dean finally sighed and unfolded his arms crossed. "If I see her minimally hurt and shed a tear because of you, I swear I forget that you're my friend and I'll kick your angelic ass." He pointed his finger at Cas, threatening him seriously. "And you." His finger turned to me. "We'll talk later." Without further ado, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

"Yes sir!" I exclaimed just as Dean left the room.

I looked at my twin brother with my eyebrows slightly raised. He had a small smile drawn on his lips while he looked at us awe. "I'm glad you're together and happy. The truth is that I have always shipped you."

"Sam!" There was Dean shouting from the hallway. I smiled amusedly as I watched Sam wink at us and turn to walk to the door, which he closed when he came out.

I let out the air I had held throughout the conversation and brought my hands to my face. Castiel's hands settled over mine gently and moved them away from my face, finding myself again with those bright blue eyes, I felt how my body unconsciously relaxed.

I rolled his waist with my arms and held him close to my body in a tight embrace. Hoping that I would never separate from the warmth  that radiated his body.

The angel wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my hair. "Now more than ever... everything is fine, baby."

"I hope so." I whispered with my eyes closed, while my head was leaning against Castiel's chest.

I could finally feel guilt and fear dissipating from my body to let in relaxation and joy.

"Now I can start calling Dean brother-in-law." Castiel joked and I felt his chest expand and contract quickly because of the laughter he let out of his mouth.  "I think he would hit me."

"Definitely." I muttered between soft laughter.

[hotsterfield]

Hit List - Tom Holland

Word count: 1646

A/N: This is the first thing i ever publish on tumblr. It’s taken quite a while for me to be ready to share it, since i’m not really satisfied with it,and english is not my first language. It’s a work in progress, so please! Tell me what you think! It would mean a lot to me! 

Just another Friday night. I had just left Mike's apartment, where I left him broken-hearted. I told him in the beginning what he was getting into, but like every other guy, he thought he would be the one to change me. The one who could make me fall in love, the one who could make me settle down. But just like every other guy, he couldn't.

I headed towards Pryzm, a night club in Kingston. I planned on celebrating another heart on my hit list tonight, and was going to get drunk. If you don't remember doing anything stupid, you can't regret it.

As I walked inside, I could feel the bass vibrating through my body. I walked straight to the bar, seeing Andrew behind it. Just like me, Andrew was here every weekend. The difference was he was here for business, and I was here for pleasure.

"Miss Natalia Ivy! What a surprise!" Andrew yelled sarcastically. Over time he had become one of my good friends. One of the perks of being friends with the bartender, was having someone who knew who was here. He always knew when there was fresh meat, and he always let me know.

"Andrew! Any interesting people tonight? Oh! And give me a Skinny Bitch, but hold the water" I smiled at him. This was one of the few times I would pay for my own drink, but I definitely wouldn't do that all night.

"A vodka with ice coming up! And yeah. There's some actor dude or something. He paid extra for not telling anyone. Whoops" He laughed. An actor? Might just be my lucky day. Andrew handed me my drink, and nodded his head in the direction of the tables.

A group of guys were laughing around one of the tables. It was still somewhat early, so a lot of the tables was still empty. "Well" I said, emptying my glass. The vodka heating my throat. "That's a new thing on my list" I smirked at Andrew.

Tom's Point of view

"So what did I miss the past 6 months?" I asked my friends. Filming and promoting Spider-Man had kept me from home for the past 6 months, and needed to catch up on a lot.

"Not a lot. Nothing compared to being Spider-Man, anyway" One of them laughed. My attention was caught by a girl. Kingston was big, but I was sure I'd never seen her before, but she walked the floor like she owned the world. Her black dress was short, but not short enough to show anything. She walked straight towards the bar, and started talking to the bartender.

"Yeah, Tom. Even as Spider-Man you won't stand a chance against her. Might as well drop it before you start" Lucas warned. What was he talking about? Did they know her?

"Who is she?" I looked back at them. Oh, they knew her.

"That my dear friend, is Natalia Ivy. And she's more poisonous than poison ivy. She's been in town for a good 4 months. I can't count the amount of hearts she has broken in that time" Michael told. "She's not the kind of girl you mess around with"

"She makes you fall in love, and just when you think you finally changed her, that she finally settled down, she leaves you. Or breaks your heart in some other way" But she was so pretty. Something about her face, made her look so innocent. How could she be as cold hearted, as they made her out to be?

"Thomas, no! I know that expression! You are not going after her!" I turned my attention to Lucas again. I raised an eyebrow. "No! I veto her! You can't go after her" His voice was raised.

"I thought the whole plan of going out tonight, was to get drunk and get laid. And just because you veto her, does not mean I'll actually listen. I know what I'm doing. I'm Spider-Man for god sake" My eyes went towards her again. No one said it had to get serious, maybe just a one-night stand?

"Don't say we didn't warn ya" Michael laughed, taking another shot. "ut hey, since you're a big shot now, maybe you end up breaking her heart" Lucas added.

"Yeah? Well not yet. Maybe later" I smiled at them, as I took a shot. Right now catching up with my friends was a bit more important.

Natalia's Point of view

After the 3rd drink, I started to feel the booze. 45 minutes had passed of me and James talking, so I decided to walk over to the table. I knew his friends. I've made out with one them.

"Hi boys. Who's your friend? I didn't know they let in minors" I said down next to Lucas. Now Lucas was a great kisser, but he wasn't on my list. I've used him a couple of times, when a guy didn't get the fact that it was over. He didn't seem to mind.

"I'm Thomas, but you can call me Tom. And I am in fact 21, so I'm not a minor" He sent an offended smile. I narrowed my eyes at him. So this was the infamous Tom Holland.

"Well that is a pretty bad case of babyface. You could pass as a 15 year old" I sent him a charming smile.

"Well, it's funny you should say that. It's kinda the point. I'm playing Spider-Man, in a pretty big movie" He leaned back in his seat confidently. I bet that line worked on loads of girls.

"Sure you do. And I just cast as a young Black Widow, in her upcoming origin film" I said sarcastically. His eyes widen, and he leaned forward again.

"Wait really? I wouldn't know, because Marvel stopped telling me stuff, because I'm not very good at keeping secrets" He bit his, as his brown eyes looked into mine.

"Really? I would never take you for a blabber mouth" I said, causing Lucas to laugh. "Well I know you are Lucas. How are your cheek doing, by the way?" The last time I made out with him, he got punched in the face.

"It's doing good, no thanks to you" He shot me a look, while I smiled at him. "Don't act like you didn't enjoy it. As I recall, you were the one who wanted a round 2" I blew him a kiss. I wouldn't call Lucas a friend, but he wasn't a stranger either.

"Natalia, could I maybe buy you a drink?" I turned my attention to the brown eyed boy, whose cheeks had taken a slightly red colour. "I'm grabbing some for us, anyway" I glanced at the table. They already had a bottle at the table, but I wasn't going to turn down the offer.

"I'll join you. You can't carry four drinks by yourself" I got up, and started walking towards the bar, knowing he'd follow.

"Soo. Natalia. You look. Very lovely" He said shyly. I looked back at him, sending him a smile, while biting my lip. "Heat", by Scarlet Pleasure blasted over the speakers.

"Come on!" I grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the dancefloor, and started dancing close to him. It didn't take long for him to join him. It was clear that he had rhythm in his body.

"I need your heat

Lovers one more time, I got the feeling it could be the right - i need your heat"

I got closer to him, almost touching him. I caught his eyes looking up and down at me. I didn't mind. He wasn't too bad looking himself, and I bet he was quite muscular under those clothes of his.

We continued for a couple of songs, until he grabbed my hand and led me back to the bar. He was a bit out of breath, but so was I.

"So that drink?" He asked, eyes looking intensely into mine. I broke the eye contact, searching for Andrew, who were already preparing a sex on the beach for me. I took the drink from the bar disk, right after he had put it down.

"This one?" I raised my glass before taking a sip. I saw Tom ordering something, but I couldn't hear over the music. After he got his drink, we walked over to a couch in the corner. The music wasn't quite as loud, so it was actually possible to speak. He sat down close beside me, my bare legs touching his jeans.

"You know? You're a really interesting girl. Why don't we get to know each other a bit more?" He carefully placed his free hand on my thigh.

"Oh Thomas? Didn't your friend tell you about me? I find it hard to believe that they wouldn't" I turned a bit towards him, so I could face him properly.

"Yeah they did. But maybe I want to decide for myself" He leaned a little closer, the alcohol making him a bit more confident.

"I'm telling you now. If you stick around, I'm going to break your heart. I'm going to leave you crying, wishing you never even laid your eyes on me" I warned him, as I pressed our foreheads together.

"I'd like to see you try. Maybe it's your heart that'll be broken" He said calmly. I could feel his breath on my lips, his fingers brushing my thigh gently.

"Are you sure this is a game, you wanna play? You might have the entire world watching" I carefully licked my lips, as the tension between us grew.

"Luckily enough, I have an apartment close by. If you're afraid of being seen, that is" He smirked, before he gently tugged my lips. That was it. He was now the next name on my list, however long it was going to take.

@tcmhollnd

[blyanten]

THE DUCK AVENGER PK2: DUCKMALL

It’s that time again. Another special! The last one. 

*insert happy dance*

First you need a setting, then a hero, then… you need a lot of stuff to tell a story, but last, but not least, you need a narrator. Waldo, the Duckmall mascot is the narrator today.   

The creepy, creepy mascot.

Story 1: 

Donald has had too many late nights, and keeps falling asleep at work. One department head is getting pretty annoyed at him for not doing his job. He’s so annoyed that when a random billionaire and his kid show up to find something unique… at the electronic store at the mall? Are they slumming? 

So the department head sells Donald to him, as a robot who thinks he’s real. 

Listen, every billionaire can’t be a genius. 

Always question discounts.

The department head gets Donald up and running, and with a bit of convincing, he goes along with it. 

At the rich guy’s house, Donald does a bad job at entertaining the kid. He does do a great job at being the worst house guest, but I’m kinda with him on that, considering the dubious nature of this incident.  

Yeah... I’d be suing the store. /no sense of humor today

Rich guy is not happy, and uses the money back guarantee, having the big body guard take Donald back to the store. 

The next boss-employee conversation is going to be interesting. 

Story 2: 

The Star Corp is having laundry issues. All their uniforms shrunk!  

Tempest doesn’t care, considering it the most interesting thing that’s happened in a while. Slow summer months, you know? But there’s more! They were supposed to have new uniforms, but they’ve been delayed.  

Because the supplier is lazy and making more and more bizarre excuses. Guess summer got to him too. 

Bloom decides to have them all work in civilian clothes, which… 

 People are always helpful at the wrong time.

The day continues like that, until Bloom has had enough. He calls the supplier again, and gets them new uniforms the next day. 

Not that that helps Fitzroy any, as he gets covered in paint. 

They all go home and when they return the next day, the new uniforms are waiting for them. 

Wonder what freedome of movement is like in those.

Meanwhile, the supplier learns that words can come back to bite you, as his excuses all come true. 

Story 3: 

Lyla desperately tries to sneak out of Channel 00 before she gets caught up in Angus’s and Morrighan’s fight. When this fails she suggests the two have a contest. Find a story, a real story, worthy of the name before the evening news! Anything to get the two to focus on something not her. 

Angus decides to go to Duckmall and sit around, hoping something will fall into his lap. 

Morrighan… decides to follow him and steal his story. Well, that was easy, Angus wins this round, story over! 

Oh. No, it’s not. 

Angus reaches the mall, but is too cheap to pay for the parking garage, so he drives around the barrier and parks against the wall. Morrighan is now convinced Angus knows he’s there, and follows. 

Angus really just wants a burger. Unfortunately, the burger place has run out of pickles. Angus, being a difficult jackass, decides that means he has to stand in line, not letting any other customers order, until the pickles arrives. 

That said, that’s the kind of thing you tell your customers before they pay. Amateurs.

The manager appears, telling the clerk to open another register as the other customers start to object to the long wait. 

The pickle truck arrives, but is blocked by something. The manages sends a worked out to deal with that, while he himself tries to make fries. This does not go well. 

Oil fire = BAD, VERY BAD.

Angus starts in on a grand speech about the burger place failing to live up to its advertising, and the other customers agree with him. Then he has an epiphany. There’s his story! 

Morrighan is aghast! Angus did all of that on purpose to get a story, he really is the worst journalist. He confronts Angus, telling him he’ll get him fired. Angus doesn’t care, and asks Morrighan to move his car so he can get out. Someone else appears, glad to have finally found the owner of the car that’s blocking the pickle truck. Morrighan deeply regrets doing that, because he helped Angus get his story. 

And, oh yeah, his arms might have gotten broken somehow.  

Angus meanwhile, gets his story on the news, ruins a burger empire and leaves a lot of people without jobs. Not that they necessarily mind, as they had decided to go on a strike due to “troubling rumors” about work conditions in the company.  

Story 4: 

Lyla is feeling a bit down, and doesn’t understand why. 

Aw, Lyla.

She has everything she needs, a job, a home, a park right in front of her home… the radio switches to a commercial about Duckmall, and Lyla figures, why not? Off to the mall. 

The mall is what it usually is, people everywhere, loud, someone asking for little Ronald’s parents to please, please come get him.  

Lyla stops in front of the bookstore, and a very friendly sales clerk offers to help. Lyla notes that he’s tired and can barely put up with her, probably due to spending all night dancing at the disco. He also doesn’t like to read. 

Lyla asks for anything lacking in hypocrisy. Eventually she ends up with a book about gardening. Not what she wanted, but she thinks she’s on to something. She keeps walking through the mall, gets a pause when a perfume girl asks her to stop for a moment so Lyla can try a new perfume. 

Better opening line: “Do you have any allergies?”

It doesn’t have the desired effect, and Lyla leaves the girl a bit confused over her very technical comments about the perfume. 

Lyla is still looking when she comes across a pet store. She also finds little Ronald, who is taunting the puppies with food he won’t give them. He asks Lyla is it’s funny. Lyla says “no”, and asks if he wants to see something really funny. Little Ronald has a sudden change of heart and decides he should find his parents.  

Scare ‘em straight, the droid way.

The parents are baffled at the change in their son, but decides to go with it. Lyla warns Ronald to be good to small animals. He agrees. 

She notes to herself that showing Ronald what she truly is might not be the best way to deal with him, but she has no pedagogic programs in her memory. On the bright side, this little incident helped her figure out what she wants. 

Some time later, Lyla is in the park with her new mechanical dog. Another kid and his flesh and blood dog comes along, and so does the kid’s mother. She strikes up a conversation with Lyla and soon her friends arrive as well, joining in.  

Story 5: 

Romantic comedy with Rupert and Stella, complete with a peanut gallery! One guard is showing another guard Rupert and Stella on the viewscreens, because nobody here has a real job to do. Rupert is trying to flirt with Stella, while also warning her about a shoplifter.  

To be fair, the peanut gallery is kinda funny.

Rupert is gearing up to a confession, when Stella suddenly yells “I’ll kill you!” While you’d be forgiven for thinking she meant Rupert, she’s actually spotted the shoplifter, who was stealing a boat. 

Ambitious guy, that thief. 

Rupert goes after the thief, and somehow fails to catch him. When he returns, Stella is talking to some other guy. If Rupert had taken two seconds to think, he might have noted something important about this situation, but instead he barges in and tells the guy he’s bothered Stella long enough. 

And with that he grabs Stella’s boss and carries him out of the store.  

Stella’s reactions are probably the most realistic part of this story.

Rupert comes back later to apologize, and… so this is clearly a comedy special so everything, from characterization to events are exaggerated/off/doesn’t work with the normal series, and that’s why I prefer to think of what happens next as Stella just fucking with Rupert for payback, rather than being her normal, earnest self. 

Look at that “I’m gonne mess you up” face.

She decides Rupert is there to buy something embarrassing. Like a girdle. Or maybe an ointment since he walks funny. And she keeps going until Rupert gives up and buys a snore clip. 

This is when we get to see the peanut gallery, and it turns out to be two women, who after watching Rupert make a fool of himself has decides he seems like a great guy. So they try to ask him out. Yep, both of them. Some people are great at sharing. 

Stella also arrives, for the same reason.  

Definitely not canon.

People get angry and Rupert knocks himself out on a security camera, the end.  

Story 6: Everett and Anymore are going on a business trip, and while all the paperwork is in place, Anymore has neglected to buy a Waldo figure for the business partner’s son. Anymore believes it will seem unprofessional, Everett argues that the human touch is important. 

Well, that’s true on the lower levels, it’s why shop workers are told to smile and such, so sure. 

So they take a trip to Duckmall. 

Everett is unimpressed by how the mall is managed. There’s maintenance work going on, which causes a really annoying buzzing sound. Stuff like that should really be done after closing hours.  

And then Everett gets distracted by the, in his opinion, sub-standard work the maintenance guys are doing. Since he says his criticisms out loud, they get mad and tells him that if he’s so good, why don’t he fix it? 

Oh, no.

The maintenance guys have no clue what he did, but the system works, time to go get paid. 

But of course, Everett couldn’t just fix the system, he added a little something that increase customer satisfaction with purchased products. As a funny side effect, the happy feelings are associated with the mall, as symbolized by the Waldo figure. And that’s why everything Waldo is flying off the shelves, no matter what it costs. 

Everett has a moment of panic, before turning the device off. He admits to Anymore it might not have been a great idea to modify the system into brainwashing people into buying Waldo stuff. 

Anymore asks exactly how he turned it off, and Everett tells him he’s learned a lesson over the years: Always include a remote control so you can turn stuff off. 

But not a backup in case the first remote control breaks. Then you show up and destroy things with your mind.

Story 7: 

At Duckmall’s playground, a kid in a Duck Avenger costume is being blocked from trying the slide by another kid. That kid is wearing a  t-shirt with a skull on it, and *gasp* a leather-ish looking jacket, so you know he’s bad. 

He also insults the Duck Avenger, just in case you missed the other clues. Bloom and Donald arrives, and Bloom leaves Donald to watch the kids floor, while the bullies decides to allowed Ducky Avenger kid onto the slide, so they can push him off. The expect him to cry, but the kid tries to climb back up. The bullies try to kick him off this time, but Donald interferes. 

Me too, Donald, me too.

The bullies run off, and the kids go back to having fun. Donald tells the fan-kid that even heroes need help sometimes. I sense a moral coming on. 

Donald gets a call about an emergency, and it turns out that a fire-based villain is trying to burn the place down. One frustrated guard notes that it’s the fourth supervillain this week. 

Donald disappears and the Duck Avenger arrives, but doesn’t have much luck. The fire-villains fire is in fact hot enough to give the shield some trouble. During the fight the Avenger gets trapped, and all hope is lost… and then fan-kid shows up with a water pistol, distracting the villain. 

The Avenger gets free and breaks the GIANT AQUARIUM that for some reason is there, putting out the fire a villain and killing a lot of fish at the same time. He grabs the kid and gets out of the way, leaving the cops to deal with the former fire-villain. Instead, he asks the kid what he thought he was thinking, doing something that dangerous. 

And here it comes… even heroes need help sometimes. The Avenger laughs, admitting he deserved that one, and decides to buy the kid an ice cream. 

Epilogue: 

We go back to Waldo, who wonders what heroes do when the story is over. But while he doesn’t understand that, Waldo will always be there, waiting for other heroes and stories to tell.  

After an entire issue where that mascot is the narrator, showing that he is everywhere, always watching is like... Weeping Angels level of creepy.

Well, that’s the last special over with, and as usual, it’s not really anything to write home about. But also as usual, there is a little bit of gold, and this time that’s Lyla’s story.

The slower pace of that story allows Lyla’s feelings of disconnect and lonelyness come through, and her lack of reaction during most of the story, her reactions to the few people she interacts with, hammers it home. She analyzes them, what they’re doing, what’s supposed to happen rather than letting it happen. Even the comedy moment with the kid keeps it low-key and while it’s stated that she doesn’t have the programming to deal with kids, the implication is that she doesn’t have the experience either.

Most of us, if we’d done anything, would have brought the kid to a guard so they could find his parents while keeping him out of trouble. Lyla goes “I’m a scary droid”, which, while effective, is rather clueless, emphasising her lack of people-experience.

I also find that Lyla’s journey makes sense. She’s at home, missing something, but by going out and experiencing the place she starts to work out what she’s missing in this new place, and eventually what she needs to do to get it. It all seems like a natural progression, and using a dog is clever. Plenty of people get pets if they’re feeling lonely, and if you have a dog you have to get out of the house, if only to walk it, and that increases your chances of meeting people.

And IME, having a dog guarantees that you’ll talk to people, especially other dog owners. 

[captivatingalyeska]

Day 1: My room turned into a ocean. I swear I found fishes and sharks swarming into my lungs. Or maybe that was the remains of you trying not to escape but desperately needing to

Day 2: You weren’t at school today and I should’ve been happy, I was more sad

Day 3: I thought I was ready to move on, then I saw you with her.

Day 4: We haven’t spoken in days now. My mind thinks its being shoved off a cliff.

Day 5: I wish it would just hit the bottom

Day 6: This will be the first weekend we dont hang out. I know you’ll be seeing her and I know you’ll be smiling without me. I’m trying hard to learn how to too

Day 7: I asked you for help on a history assignment and you replied with “Ask Amber im busy”. I texted back: “Tell Emma I said hi”

Day 8: You posted a video with her on the only social media site you have. When I saw it I erupted. I spewed lava every where, oh god its every where

Day 9: My mom made me sleep next to her on the couch. She was afraid I would try and do something like I did two years ago when another guy tore up my heart. I actually had thought about it

Day 10: I slept in your sweatshirt one last time so I can feel myself engulfed in you. I know you wanted them back so I had to feel you and smell you just once more.

Day 11: I gave you all of your stuff back and you thought I looked like a warrior but really I went home and tried getting you out of my bloodstream

Day 12: When will my eyes stop flowing?

Day 13: I snuck out with a boy and smoked weed on his couch. He talked about love and how much it hurt. I only pictured you.

Day 14: I woke up next to that same boy and I woke up screaming. The boy was worried and confused but I knew why I screamed. I imagined you laying with another girl on your couch. I ran out of his house so fast you'd think Id be better at running from you.

Day 15: It’s spring break and I’m with my best friend and your with her and I swear I can feel you tracing her spine the way you used to trace mine

Day 16: I ignored your birthday and it felt worse than the puking I did that night

Day 17: I’m treading icy water while you’re swimming away searching for warmth. I guess I just hope you’ll loop around and find your way back to the shattered, but still there, us

Day 18: I don’t remember the sound of your voice. I don’t remember the color of your eyes. I don’t remember your the taste of your lips. I can’t feel your hands on mine or on my body. I don’t remember how soft your hair is. I must forget, all of it

Day 19: No amount of screaming gets your name out of my head

Day 20: I got on a plane today and when we took off I swear I almost walked to the door and started flying

Day 21: They say it takes 21 days to break a habit but I think I just manage to fall more in love with a greedy monster

Day 22: I saw you today and wished you a happy late birthday and promised we’d watch the third Hobbit together. I’m beginning to hate myself more

Day 23: Its the end of the month maybe next month won’t be filled with thoughts of you and killing myself. I think I’m beginning to get over you

Day 24: April fools

Day 25: I think I understand now. When you first told me you loved me your mouth curled up on the edges, two days before you left when I gave my bare self to you your mouth was a straight line as you muttered “love you”

Day 26: If you’re trying to kill me it’s working

Day 27: I woke up this morning to my blankets and pillows piled in a corner in my room. It’s something a ghost would do to make his presence known. I’m haunting myself, or maybe its the ghost of us taking over my body

Day 28: It’s almost been a month since you told me it was never me. I almost texted you happy easter but I saw those text messages we last sent and just got angry

Day 29: I hate that you act like you didnt break my heart. I hate that you think I’m fine that I’m not writing a shit poem about your shit personality

Day 30: Thirty days since you’ve wanted me. Thirty days since I told you I love you. Thirty days since you’ve slipped from my fingers. I tried catching you. You’ve been gone far too long. Thirty days is too long

Day 31: I had a nightmare last night about you. You told me you loved me and kissed my forehead. I woke up breathing heavily and shaking. I want you out of my life

Day 32: Running on no sleep isn’t fun

Day 33: I’ve been awake for over 50 hours in fear that I’ll see you in my dreams again. I cant risk that. It hurts so much. Get out of my head

Day 34: My mother told me that love will do this. That its cruel and torturous and breaks you into such little pieces not even she can pick them all up. You know where they all are, please come back and pick them up

Day 35: I talked to another guy last night we stayed up late and he asked me questions about you. We were sober so it wasn’t easy spitting up vowels and similies and euphemisms explaining the empty feeling in my chest after you left

Day 36: Fuck if i stopped seeing you everyday I swear I’d be over you.

Day 37: My knee didnt touch your leg like it used it I promise I didnt do that fuck

Day 38: You told me that the wrinkles on my leg bothered you when I sat down. That’s not what you said when we were trying not to get caught in the back of your car

Day 39: You told me you’d take me to prom and in two days it’ll just be another day you promised to spend with me. It’s funny how our plans turned to dust in a matter of seconds after cleaning

Day 40: The thunderstorm of us was inside of you and maybe that’s why it felt so close. I keep counting the seconds between the boom and light hoping you arent moving away but I fear that you are already letting others feel your storm. The plants you grew are dying, maybe you should come back to water them

Day 41: Ten days since its been a month since you left. I cried at prom because all I could look for in the crowd was you.

Day 42: I got so drunk all I could see was your face. The guy I fucked kept telling me his name wasn’t yours. I cant even scream and cry anymore, I’m burnt out. You’re all I still think about despite your efforts to continue to push me away

Day 43: I should be getting high today but if I do I’ll just write more shitty poems and think more about a shitty guy who will never care

Day 44: I think I’m trying to gain feelings for someone else because it’ll make moving on from you easier. I’m afraid to write that it hasn’t

Day 45: You traced my leg like you used to. It was like dandelion tea. It made my insides fill with happiness, you’re my yellow paint.

Day 46: Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would put happiness inside him. He would consume it everyday in the hopes that it would bring his sadness to rest despite the fact that it could kill him first. I guess you were my yellow paint, emphasis on the were. See, I’m not going to write about you anymore, because when I write you down I’m under the impression that you’ll stay with the words but you don’t. This is the last sentence I’ll ever write about you

[carrickbender]

Hi I'm Geoff, here's 7 because it's Sunday.....

-So this week was a serious mess. We fished on monday, delivered and got ice on Tuesday, did bait up on wednesday, fished thursday....... and that's when I got hurt. Lemme preface this- I'm ok. I'm not missing any essential body parts, and I will be fine. So lemme set the stage- we left at around midnight because my boss was (is) antsy about getting his fish caught before he has heart surgery next month. So he says yeah, we are going to go to (insert place name here) in the AM, I'll pick you up around midnight. Now, the other deckhand and I know how to read the weather map and use weather software, and we know it's going to be borderline miserable/f-ing awful weather in the am, getting worse in the afternoon. We are AK guys, and if we say it's gonna suck, it's not nice for anybody. So fine, get picked up, cast off, do a few chores, NAP, then we get up around 5 to get ready and he says, "I'm sorry guys, I messed up, looks like it's going to blow 35 tomorrow, so it's just today for these fish". We already knew this, and we have him a pep talk because he's such a nice guy, honest about pay, that I hate seeing him get down. Got our gear in the water, and it was getting nasty. Had a bite, relaxed a bit, got the deck ready for the ensuing malay, and started to haul our first set back. And it kept getting worse, but there was gear in the water. So we got it hauled, 1300lbs of beautiful white bellied halibut. So far, so good. As we were in building seas, my boss looks at us and says, "this really is not my style of fishing". 2 thoughts popped into my head- 1. I've fished with him for 6 years, and he always gets the weather wrong a lot. So of course it's his style; and 2. There's thst scene from the hangover 2 where there in the elevator and somebody says, "does everything always end up in a standoff with you Chow?", to which he replies, "of course it does! I'm an international criminal, I met my wife at one of these things!". If only my boss would have see that..... so my injury? Oh yeah, sorry. Remember that bit from wide world of sports, where the announcer says, "and the agony of defeat!", and the skier pretty much kills himself and half of China wiping out a ski jump? So my big ass is pretty stable on deck, but combine being in a 10 ft trough and the deck being slick from herring and other fish oil, and I fell. I tried catching myself, but it did the splits, banging my right knee on the rail and I felt two rips in my thigh muscle and a pop in my lower back. Scarry part? I couldn't get up. I manouvered myself onto the bin boards, sat on top of them, and then I realized I couldn't stand up, and all I could say, and I'm quoting here, was: FUCKSHITASSBALLSPISS, because that's is what you say when you hurt, right? I hobbled like an old man into the cabin, got my raingear off, but I was done for the day(and unbenownst to me, the season). I could barely move. I propped myself up, and thank God my other deck mate is a rock star because I was done. I could barely walk, let alone anything else. They finished hauling gear a bit later, and my boss told me it was some of the worst crap he'd ever fished, but they got it done. And he felt horrible about me pretty much being cut down on deck. We hobbled back to towne, and it was so crappy we couldn't do more than 4 knots because we were pounding into the waves so hard. Got in at 2, and the next day I went to see a doctor. No breaks, but SEVERE sprains, and he put the kibosh on fishing for 2 weeks. Which, I understand. It's sunday, and I can't even bend over to pull up my pants effectively without being in pain. It's going to take time...... - I'm headed back to Washington on Wednesday to get started on getting my summer in order. But most importantly, family stuff. Mom is still ill, but after 2 cancer scares, that has been ruled out. Dad had his heart restarted in a pharmacologically way the other day to try and fix a rhythm issue, and it failed. This was time number 3, so being a retired medical person, he makes a joke about it. "Probably need a new wiring harness, check the points, and make sure the battery terminals are making good contact". My dad, turning cardiology into working on his El Camino. So, I think I need to stick around close this summer. Mom's will be good once she gets the damn puss pocket out(plus she's headed to Canada for the summer), but dad doesn't get this idea of taking it easy. So, one of his offspring has to help where my stepmom cant. - music- I have so much going on here. Too much. All over washington state. That being said, I hate dealing with managers and promoters who are only out for themselves. Why can't the business be kinder to musicians? Oh, and speaking of being kind to one another, how many of this tribe of followers are musicians who have a band shirt? Because I'd love to trade! I'm having some made up when I get back, and would love to swap one of ours for yours! @voxtacular, wanna be the first? - Speaking of music, Chris Cornell......I Honestly dont know what to say. I feel fortunate that I grew up in the northwest where the music known as grunge was "born"(more like sprang forth, like Athena from Zeus). Mind you, I grew up in Spokane, Seattle's developmentally delayed and much more socially conservative sister across the state, so we didn't have many places like the sit and spin, the ok hotel, the crocodile cafe to see soundgarden or mother love bone on any given weekend. But there was one place , the big dipper, that welcomed everybody. My introduction to the big dipper was as a 16 year old kid, whose 17 year old lead singer booked our group, the midnight poets, to a Sunday night gig supporting a group called seeking the elephant. They had this "green room" where all of the musicians hung out before they played, and it was expected that the musicians would sign their names on the walls. Fugazi, mother love bone, and a little seattle band called soundgarden were amongst the ones I remember. My band didn't last, but what did last is the memory of those bands playing a serious dive like the big dipper. Paying dues. As the "seattle sound" got bigger, I got to see Nirvana, Candlebox, Stone Temple pilots, Alice in Chains, The Melvins, Pearl Jam....but I never got to see soundgarden. I put fishing before a life, and I made a poor choice. Because while you can buy stuff, you cannot buy moments. And the number of moments in my life that are attached to either a audioslave, a soundgarden, or a Chris Cornell song are staggering. For A folkie, yeah. So stay tuned for a cover tomorrow. :-) -Speaking of summer, I've been talking to my non blood cousin who is like a little sister and we are planning a meet and greet in Montana this summer with her man and babies (!), her not brother brother (my actual cousin) and his small tribe, and my people. I'm so excited to even start to pull this off. Huckleberries, I'll bring salmon, music, their kids, family.....fingers crossed, I need this. -So because I'm going to be in the close proximity of both of my parents, I'm probs going to wait on a tug job till November to really give it a go. I'm going to do my first bit of necessary school right when I get back, then do flagger training so I can work till everything gets resolved with folks/music stuff gets done, and hopefully, I can come back up for 3 weeks in August to go pink salmon fishing here. Fingers crossed, this summer could be really amaxing..... -But enough of my crap! Seriously, I just want y'all to know that you guys are really great. I love reading about your lives, your triumphs over adversity (because you all are pretty tough and amazing people), your funny stuff, amazing playlists.....and sometimes I go a bit crazy with the hearts, and I'll admit it. But my theory is this- I'd rather you know that somebody appreciates you for who you are, where you are, instead of feeling alone. I've listened to my mom tell me how alone she is for the last month, and I just want y'all to know you are appreciated like bacon and tacos..... and that includes you too @tacosandsweettea (ps-that made her laugh. Hope it did you too!) Take care, and stay tuned!