#it’s definitely the most fucked up story ive ever written & we haven’t even gotten to the most depraved & twisted shit yet

[juniperhillpatient]

Writing characters that are doomed by the narrative in new & exciting ways is my passion. I love tragedy & pain. So. So much.

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 1]

this idea was stolen from @iam93percentstardust cuz i just,,,thought that this year was absolute shit and it would be nice to make a fic rec list of fics from this year that helped me through it. this will be over a range of fandoms and ships, but all fics were written this year. 

fics are ordered by the month they were published. ive tried to keep to five fics per month, but this is not obviously all the fics ive read that month - i just didn’t want to make this insanely long. 

im releasing the first half of this on the 1st of December, and the second half on the 1st of January 2021 - because otherwise it would just get so long (and also so i will actually have fics for December)

happy reading!! hopefully you find fics on this you haven’t read yet

***

January

The cat is mighty dignified (until the dog comes by): @five-wow

Steve and Danny find them on the pillow in the corner of the dining area, where Eddie is on his side, ass half on the floor because the pillow is more cat-sized than lab-sized, and Pickles is nestled between Eddie’s front legs, essentially being spooned and looking very I-got-the-cream about it. Pickles’ head is tucked into the crook of Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s head slots perfectly on top of Mr. Pickles’, like a furry jigsaw puzzle.

“They’re cuddling,” Steve points out, unnecessarily.

Or: There is a love story unfolding under the McGarrett roof.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America: @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.

Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again.

The Best Laid Plans (Of Mice and Men): @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

Fourteen Million to One: @tunastorks

Six months after Thanos, six months after Tony’s death, six months after Steve returns to his own timeline, Tony Stark turns up on their doorstep.

Brewed Awakening: @iam93percentstardust

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

February

the young, the reckless and the foolish: @bruciewayne

In most universes, they don't know each other, not in the slightest, or they hate each other, in a way that's perfectly logical for anyone who were to find themselves in a similar situation.

In this one, they've known each other since they were four years old and naively idealistic.

This is them over the years, against the odds.

a giant sign: @areiton

“Think you can get him to open the weapons division up again?” his CO asks, his voice hungry and Rhodey laughs because this--

“No. Tony hung up his weapons.”

“That’s not what the suit says,” his CO objects, and Rhodey shrugs.

Tony has always had rules, rules he expects the entire world to live by.

And then there was Rhodey, slipping under them.

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast: @nethandrake

Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual.

He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either.

What is unusual is that the stranger is silent.

(One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Just A Cold: @/delighted 

There’s a new text waiting for him. It’s from Steve of course, and it’s vaguely threatening as most messages from Steve are these days. Still Danny ignores it, and now he’s really playing with fire. Maybe it’ll burn the cold out of him.

Or, Danny’s sick, and Steve can’t stay away. The usual comfort fluff. With a little cameo from a gently meddling Grace.

An Unexpected Guide: @/Rachel500

Danny Williams has hidden his Guide status to keep being a detective, but his time of hiding is up when he unexpectedly finds his Sentinel, Steve McGarrett in the midst of a tragedy.

March

Why don’t we (Collide the spaces that divide us): @five-wow

When they finally catch sight of each other again through the milling crowds, they’re both a little worse for wear. Danny’s left side is covered in glitter and every time he brushes a hand over his hair, more blue and purple confetti rains down. Steve is- Well, Steve is randomly shirtless, which is all things considered not excessively remarkable, but he’s also covered in smudges of colorful paint and has a very nicely printed bloodred lipstick kiss mark on his cheek.

“What did you do?” Danny asks, because it looks like Steve had a lot more fun than he did.

Or: Steve and Danny accidentally end up in the middle of something entirely new.

A Little Unsteady: @finduilasclln 

Written for the Tumblr prompt meme : "Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Tony lashes out at Bucky for eating his dessert. Only, it really isn't about the dessert.

a national treasure: @starklysteve

Steve isn't looking for an apple and Tony decides his passion is to inspire young souls. -x- OR: the AU where Tony is a Youtuber and Steve is Captain America and somehow they still save the world together.

April

cycle through: @ambivalentmarvel

Twenty-five years ago, Tony Stark disappeared from his family home a month after the tragic deaths of his parents, Howard and Maria Stark, leaving a billion-dollar tech conglomerate without an heir and the world wondering what happened.

Twenty-three years ago, HYDRA gained another super soldier.

Ten years ago, Peter Parker’s parents died in what is ruled as a home invasion gone wrong but he knows was murder, plain and simple, because he spoke to the killer.

And in the present, Project Insight fails, and the Iron Soldier pays the price.

FOREVER-LOVE YOU-I: @/Eudoxia

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Especially for Tony's soulmate.

--

Companion piece to my fic Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended. This is Steve's POV, with a few extra scenes, as a treat.

(Edit: Sorry if you guys get multiple notifications for this. I just realized (about two hours after posting it) that I fucked up the grammar in the title and I HAD to fix it. YOLO, I guess.)

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you): @nethandrake

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

ua haʻalele ʻoe iaʻu (a ua hoʻomālamalama ʻoe iaʻu): @just-fandomthings

"The truth is, I was shot in the chest and nearly died, and not even three days after I was released from the hospital, you up and left-- and of those two, I'm not sure which one hurt me worse!"

(Coda to 10x22 because come on, we all need a better ending than the one given to us.)

Title loosely translates to: "You left me in the dark (you lit me up)" -- inspired by the brilliant song "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

May

A Piece Of The Past: @hddnone

It had been so many years since Bucky had gone undercover in the Stark family's mob, he thought he'd gotten away clean.

Then Tony Stark slid into the seat across from him at his breakfast diner, and Bucky's boss has a new case for him.

the privilege of loving you: @starklysteve

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance): @firebrands

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

IMPORTANT: This fic has them meeting at 14, then progresses slowly until they’re 17. Includes underage drinking and kissing.

This is set before Bruce becomes Batman and Tony becomes Iron Man and I have no explanation as to how or why they just DO Canonically, Bruce is 17 when he finishes school and goes around the world to train, so we're sticking with that

The Real MVP: @sword-and-stars (part of a series)

[“I have saved this Tuesday!” Sokka announces, rattling the bag upon reentry.

Zuko doesn’t even look up from his phone as he deadpans, “It’s Thursday.”

Okay, so Sokka is still having trouble getting his days right without checking. At least he’s gone back to sleeping at night! Going to bed at night is way easier when you have a cute, cuddly boyfriend who starts falling asleep around eleven o’clock. It also helps that he and Zuko are on solid gold butt-touching terms.

It’s been a while since Sokka has been on butt-touching terms with someone and it’s amazing.]

Or,

Sokka knows a guy, gets laid, and introduces Zuko to the merits of an afternoon delight.

When is a bed not a bed? (When you’re not in it): @riotwritesthings

There’s a tiny safe house, with one tiny window and one tiny couch.

And one tiny little bed.

June

Nice Fingers: @anthonyed

A single compliment given by Tony stirs Bucky restless until he caves in and asks him out on a date.

With Steve’s help of course (whether he likes it or not).

The Darkest Touch: @starkrogerrs

This is the story of how Steve finds that it has been ordained that he is to marry a monster he cannot resist aka the God of Love himself, Tony.

It's Cupid x Psyche retold, but with thrice the amount of porn.

The Night Shift:  @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Wind Beneath My Wings: @iam93percentstardust

Sam first meets Tony Stark in 2005 when he joins the EXO-7 Falcon program.

In jest: @/apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

[spookyboogie3]

The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.

AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series. 

As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.

LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.

You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.

I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.

Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”

Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.

I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.

Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.

Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.

By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)

This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.

 Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:

It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*

Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em

The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.

Theres a few problems with this.

A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.

B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.

C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)

D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.

A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.  

I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.

Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.

I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.

The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.  

(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)

So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.

Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.

 I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.

From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.

From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.

 One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.

Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.

Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.

   Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.

And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.

Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.

[calumance]

LA Devotee - Part XII

Warnings: smoking, cussing, some mentions of anxiety, insecurity

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary: Emily has agreed to move in with Calum, although she doesn’t necessarily regret that decision, she does come to a horrible realization on just how small her life actually is.

A/N: I’m SORRY this took so long!! I have most of this story written and when I go back to reread and edit, I end up hating my writing. So, I ended up rewriting pretty much this entire part. The next part I promise will come sooner than this one came! Happy reading!! Feedback and requests are always welcomed!!! (Want to be tagged? Let me know!)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI

Masterlist

           The weekend came, and my mind had absolutely reeling since I agreed to move in with Calum. Not that I didn’t want to, but what in the actual fuck was I doing moving in with a guy I met nearly a month ago? Calum agreed to meet me at my apartment so he could help me start packing. The boys were supposed to follow behind him, and I invited Mikayla and Trevor to come over and help as well. More people means the faster it gets done. I sat on the stoop of my apartment complex with a cigarette between my fingers. The last cigarette I had was three years ago, right after Nathan and I got into an extremely verbally violent fight. I hated smoking, but sometimes the nicotine just felt so good. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes and blew the smoke from my lungs. “I didn’t know you smoked.” Calum said.

           My left eye opened and looked at Calum. His hands were in his pockets and his sunglasses were placed perfectly on his nose. I opened my other as he sat next to me and I looked at the cigarette. “I don’t usually, just been on edge today.” I offered him the cigarette, remembering he had been smoking the night we met.

           He took the cigarette from my fingers and looked at it before delicately wrapping his lips around the butt. “Haven’t smoked since the night we met.” The smoke released from his lungs and I looked over at him. He handed the cigarette back to me and I took a drag as he dropped his head, “Why have you been on edge? Everything okay?”

           I finished off the cigarette and extinguished it before dropping it in the cigarette can the apartment complex had set up right outside the door. “Yeah, everything is fine.” I squinted my eyes and looked out towards the street. “Can you promise me something?” I choked out dropping my eyes to my hands which were physically trembling. Calum’s eyes stared a whole in the side of my head through his sunglasses. My fingers balled into a fist and then flexed as my mind fought to get the words out. “Can you promise me that you’re in this for the long run, that this isn’t some type of PR stunt, that you’re with me because you genuinely like me.”

           “Emily, I thought we’ve gone over this—” he tried to speak but I quickly cut him off.

           “The public loves a good sob story. I’m a great sob story, I came from nothing, I have virtually nothing. If people found out about my personal life, they’d be all over you and the career. I don’t want us to destroy your career, and as selfish as it sounds, I don’t want your career to destroy us.” I continued to stare at my hands, not wanting to see his expression.

           He dropped his own eyes to his hands and shook his head. “We’re not a PR stunt, I can promise you that. I can also promise you that I am with you because of you, I’ve told you that. I can promise that being with you is not going to destroy my career, I wish I could promise you that my career won’t destroy us.” I finally looked at him through squinted eyes, and he looked at me, his face expressionless, “My career is what destroyed a good majority of my past relationships. However, I do believe you and I can be strong enough to not let my career come between us. Is this what’s been bothering you today?”

           Just as I nodded, Ashton, Luke and Michael came rounding the corner. Ashton holding some beer, Luke and Michael holding a large amount of boxes. “We’re here for the moving party!” Ashton exclaimed while lifting the beer above his head.

           I smiled and stood up, wiping the dirt off my pants. “Go ahead and head inside, Mikayla said she’d be here in just a couple of minutes.” I handed Calum the key to my apartment. Ashton, Luke and Michael walked past us into the building and I grabbed Calum’s hand before he walked away. He looked at me, not even his normal smile sitting on his lips. “I don’t mean to be self-conscious. I’ve just been through too much shit in my life to make this, us, feel real. I do want to move in with you and I do want to not let your career get in between us.” The right side of his lips pulled up into a soft smile and he dropped my hand and caressed my cheek. My eyes closed and I leaned into his touch. His lips pressed against mine for a sweet second before he ran his hand down my arm and followed the boys inside.

           After Calum walked inside, I sat back on the stairs and waited for Mikayla. When Mikayla showed up, the look on my face gave away everything that I was thinking. She sent Trevor ahead of her and sat next to me. Once Trevor was out of ear shot, I spat out, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

           “Yes.” She didn’t even hesitate, she barely had a second to blink before she responded. My eyebrows stitched together as I looked at her. “Look, you and Calum really care about each other. Maybe you even love each other, I don’t know. It’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and move the fuck on from your past. Calum’s good for you, even if you don’t think he is.” She laced her arm with mine and laid her head on my shoulder. “Plus, we’ll still have sleepovers, especially since your new place is a hundred times bigger than this dump. Also why do you smell like an ash tray?”

           I pulled my eyebrows together in fake offense, “Hey, I like this dump.” I laughed before I could get the whole sentence out. “You’re right, it’s a dump, and I definitely hate it here. Also, I used to smoke, and I’ve been really anxious today, so I bummed a cigarette off my neighbor.” Mikayla shot me a look and I held up my hands, “Last cigarette ever, I promise.” Mikayla smiled before letting out a laugh. She then stood up and offered me a hand to lift me off the ground. We walked in together, arms laced together.

           When we walked in, the guys had already gotten most of my living room and kitchen pulled apart. It tugged at my chest a little that in that little amount of time, half of my apartment as already been pulled apart. Calum was pulling books off my shelf and I walked over to him. He smiled at me and I wasted no time to wrap my arms around his waist and press my head to his chest. He placed his hand on the back of my head and bent his neck to place a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled, my cheek still pressed to his chest.

           “For what, sunshine?” His fingers scraped across my scalp as his finger ran though my hair, his other arm squeezing me just slightly.

           “For being so stupid.” I wanted to apologize for being a piece of shit, but saying that I was stupid sounded a little nicer.

           He chuckled, causing his chest to vibrate under my face. “You’re not stupid, it’s okay to feel the way you feel. Everything’s fine, sunshine, don’t worry about it.” He placed my chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted my face up to his. His lips pressed to mine and I melted into his kiss. Every time I kissed him, it was there were tiny little fireworks going off in my stomach. It was like I would never be able to get enough of the feeling of his lips against mine. He inhaled slightly as he pressed harder into the kiss and I thought about what Mikayla said about us. She had suggested we loved each other, and feeling my lips tingle against his, I think that maybe her suggestion was right. Remembering we had people in my apartment, I break the kiss and pull my bottom lip in to continue to taste his lips on mine. Calum’s eyes had darkened, and he stared into my eyes in a way that my body heat up, “I’m going to go pack up my room now.” I said, running a single finger under my bottom lip. Calum nodded and I practically ran into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

           It took almost no time to pack up my entire apartment, and I could not decide if that felt good, or incredibly horrible. Ashton and Luke took everything I didn’t need to the donation center, which was the largest load. Trevor and Mikayla had their car packed with boxes, and so did Calum, Michael, and I. After the cars were packed up, I stood in the middle of my empty apartment and looked at my fingers. My whole life, what was left of it, took seven people a few hours to pack. A new weight suddenly found itself on my shoulders; was my life really that pathetic? After one more visual scan of the room, I turned on my heels and left behind the place that I called home for the past four months.

           Calum was waiting outside the leasing office for me, leaning against the wall and his hands in his pockets. As I walked toward him, I unwound my key from the key ring and gripped it tightly in my fist. Calum pushed himself off the wall as I walked past him into the office. The woman behind the desk smiled and held out her hand asking for the key. I tapped the key with my fingers a few times before finally handing it over. After paying the ridiculous fee for breaking my lease early, which Calum had offered to pay, but after I shot him a look, he backed down, we left. As we walked away from the building, I reached over and grabbed Calum’s hand. This was a new start, and I was not going to look back.

           Trevor and Mikayla followed the line of cars to Calum’s house, Calum in the front, then Michael, then me. It was finally dark out and I was becoming increasingly more exhausted as we got closer to Calum’s house. While driving, I held in the want to cry. My thoughts swimming back to how sad it was that my entire life took only a couple of hours to pack up and discard. It was like I had nothing to show for. I’ve been on this earth for over twenty years, and everything I own is packed up into thirty boxes, if that. The anger boiled through my veins and my knuckles turned white from the grip I had on my steering wheel.

           Just as the emotions were about to boil over, we all pulled into Calum’s driveway. Before getting out of my car, I took a long deep breath and shook my hands out. Michael, Trevor and Mikayla had starting taking boxes inside, but Calum stopped and looked at me. Something on my face must’ve given away that I was about to cry or scream because Calum grabbed my right hand then pressed his other hand to my cheek, “Are you okay, sunshine?” Without looking at Calum’s face, I nodded. He knew I was lying, “Tell me the truth.”

           A sigh caused my shoulders to fall, “I’m a little overwhelmed. It took zero time to pack up and move my entire life. I knew I lost everything, but I didn’t realize how much I actually lost, and how little I have left.” I looked down at my feet and swallowed down the anger. My hands started to tremble and I balled my fingers into fists, squeezing Calum’s hand, “I don’t even have anything to show for myself.” I shifted my feet and looked to my left to watch Mikayla walk through the front door with a box in her arms.

           “Sunshine, you have plenty of things to show for yourself.” He put his finger on the side of my chin, turning my head so that I had to look at him. “You have an amazing job, you have an amazing best friend, you have probably the best wardrobe I’ve ever seen,” That made me smile, I loved my wardrobe too, “And you’ve got me, don’t you?” A shit-eating grin stretched across his face, “I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty great.”

           I couldn’t help but laugh. He dropped his hand from my chin and I reached towards his chest to play with the fabric of his shirt. As I eyed the material I shook my head, “No matter how long we’re together, I don’t think I will ever understand how I got you.” My eyes met with his, he smiled and a twinkle in his eyes lit up the brown ring around his pupils. I wanted so badly to tell him I loved him, but what if he didn’t feel the same way? Instead, I swallowed and shook my head again. He took that as a sign to press his lips against mine, a needy kiss that made my entire stomach light on fire. I pushed against him slightly, pushing his lips off mine, but keeping them close enough that they grazed over mine as I spoke, “Our friends are still here.”

           Calum looked at our friends coming out of his house, “I supposed that means should wait, huh?” He looked back at me, the smirk on his lips quickly fading and concern washed over his eyes. “Are you going to be okay?” His right hand reached towards my cheek and gently caressed my face. I nodded before splitting away from him and helping our friends carry the rest of the boxes into the house. As soon as the last box was dropped, Mikayla and Trevor bid their goodnight and headed out. Calum offered Michael and beer, which he excitedly accepted after the long day. “Do you want a drink too, love?” My eyes were glued to the small amount of boxes that were stacked just inside of Calum’s front door.

           Calum grabbed my fingers and it took everything in me to pry my eyes away from the boxes and look at him. I blinked away the glaze in my eyes and shook my head, “No,” A smile stretched across my lips, I tried to not make it look fake, but I could tell he knew it was. “No, I think I am going to go to bed. It’s been a long day.” He nodded, pulling me into his chest to kiss me one last time. After he told me he’d come to bed right after Michael left, I headed down the hallway to our, now, shared bedroom.

           The door clicked shut, and I turned and looked around the room. Duke was laying on the bed, his tail wagging. I smiled at him and reached down to place a gentle scratch to the top of his head. Even though I was familiar with it now, it was different knowing that my things were going to have their own space. His and mine was going to turn into ours. He’s lived such a fulfilling life thus far, and I’ve just lived. My eyes shut and I sat on the end of the bed, tears finally falling, not out of sadness, but out of anger. Anger that I felt completely and utterly about myself. The only thing I could think of making me feel better was going to bed. I kicked off my shoes and stripped down to my underwear, not having the energy to find anything to sleep in. After I crawled under the covers, Duke took his spot next to me in a ball. The warmth of the blankets took over and I gave into the desire to sleep.

           I woke up when Calum finally made his way to bed. As the door shut, I wiped my face, not realizing I had cried in my sleep. He was taking his shoes off when I pushed myself up into a sitting position. When he saw me sitting up, his face softened, “Hey, sunshine, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep, I’ll be right back.” He ran the pads of his fingers across my jaw line as he walked into the bathroom. The sound of the faucet running allowed my body to relax and I laid back down, my back facing Calum’s side of the bed. My eyes closed, but I listened for Calum’s movements. When he finally laid in bed, I turned and pulled myself into his side, placing my head against his chest. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me, “Goodnight, sunshine.”

           When my eyes fluttered open, I immediately grabbed my phone to look at the time. It was only six in the morning, but I was wide awake. My phone made a slapping noise as I dropped it back onto the side table and cursed under my breath. As great as it was to have a finely tuned body clock, it was absolutely horrible when you have every intention of sleeping in. Calum was still fast asleep, but Duke lifted his head and wagged his tail furiously seeing that I was awake. I carefully climbed out of bed, trying my hardest to not wake Calum up. The only time he stirred was when Duke jumped off the bed. Before leaving the room, I grabbed my phone off the table and pulled on a pair of Calum’s sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. As Duke and I walked out, I shut the door as quietly as possible, the only noise being Duke’s little claws on the wood floor.

           Duke ran ahead of me, towards the back door, I hesitated when my eyes landed on the boxes that we had stacked up the night before. My insecurities knocking in the back of my head wondering if should just throw everything but my clothes away. I held my breath as I turn to look behind me, towards the bedroom and try to shake the thoughts out of my head. Duke whimpers slightly, pulling me out of my thoughts and I keep walking through the house. As I open the back door, he does a little dance and goes running towards the patch of grass in the corner of the backyard. Feeling the cool morning air, I step outside and listen to the birds while keeping a side eye on Duke to wait for him to finish his morning duties. As soon as he comes running back to me, I turn and we both head back inside.

           My mind continues to race as I prepared a pot of coffee. To keep my thoughts quiet, I reach down and pick up the little black and white dog at my feet. He licks my face and I laugh, giving him a chin scratch back. The coffee maker gurgles signaling the end of the cycle. I lean down to put Duke back on the ground and pour myself a cup. I took a sip of the coffee after putting my normal amount of cream and sugar in it and looked towards the backyard again.

           A thought pops in my head and I grab my coffee and head through the backdoor. Duke follows me and I watch him run around like the happy little dog he is. I find a shaded corner to sit in and place my coffee cup on the table before taking a seat. My fingers absent mindedly tap at my phone, thinking about the person I want to talk to the most. My finger slides up on the screen, unlocking it, then tap my mom’s contact. When she answered I told her about everything that has happened since the last time we talked. Some of it was a lie, some of it was the truth, but the only time I lied was so that she didn’t think I had absolutely lost my mind. Which, I was pretty certain I had, but she didn’t need to know that.

           We talked for a while, until I decided to go back inside and wait for Calum to wake up. The house was quiet as I scrolled through my phone while sitting on the barstool in his kitchen. I stared into the void and tapped the edge of my coffee mug. The sound of the bedroom door opening pulled me out of my thoughts. Soon enough, a sleepy Calum was coming into the kitchen. He was rubbing his eye and yawning, all he was wearing was a pair of light grey sweat pants that were hanging low enough to make my stomach do a back flip. I swallowed and forced a smile so I would stop staring at him. “Good morning, sunshine. Why are you awake so early?” He asked, his voice raspy, still fighting the sleep.

           As I thought of how I wanted to answer him, he closed the space between us and planted a kiss on my forehead before turning towards the coffee maker and pouring a cup of coffee for himself. “This really stupid thing happens in your mind as you get older, and it makes it so that you can never sleep past a certain time.” Calum chuckled as the coffee poured into his cup, a plume of steam escaping out of the top of the mug. “My body is so used to getting up at the same time every day that I can’t sleep in. It’s really annoying.” I took a drink of my coffee and Calum chuckled again.

           He opened the fridge and pulled the milk out, “How long have you been awake?” I stared at his back muscles while he poured the milk into his coffee and stirred it with the spoon I had left out. He turned to me and raised his eyebrows waiting for my answer.

           My voice got caught in my throat, “Oh, uh, a little over an hour. I talked to my mom, I hadn’t talked to her in a while.” Calum took a drink of his coffee and raised his eyebrows. “I told her about you, she seemed pretty excited that I was finally climbing out of my rut.” I put the lip of my coffee mug to my lips and raised my eyebrows, “Those were her exact words.” Calum smiled and I took a sip from my coffee.

           Calum chuckled then rounded the corner stopping at my side long enough to place another kiss on the side of my head. “I’m going to go sit outside if you’d like to join me.” My eyes watched him as he walked out the back door, Duke following close behind him. Just as the door closed, I turned and hopped off the barstool to follow the same path.

           The warm breeze blew across my face as I made my way towards where he was sitting. The thought of sitting in his lap crossed my mind, but I took my seat in the chair next to him. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, the sun glowing against his tanned skin. Every sense in my body telling me to get on him, but I swallowed the thoughts and looked away from him. “Do you want to unpack now, or do you want to wait?” He asked, his eyes still closed.

           My eye focused back on him, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Maybe it would be the right idea to unpack quickly and just get it over with, but as I stared at him, the lust inside my body grew. His chest slowly rising and falling with every breath he took, the sun dancing across his skin causing it to almost glisten. I could no longer help myself, I set my coffee mug down on the little table in front of me and slowly made my way over to straddle his lap. My hands gently resting on either side of his face, I pull him towards me and kiss him passionately. He pressed his lips harder against mine and his hands ran up my thighs and up and under my t-shirt until they were firmly placed on my back. His hands started to trail further up my back and I pulled my lips off his. He opened his eyes and let his hands rest where they were. “Can we wait, there’s something else I’d rather do?” A smirk pulled at the side of his mouth before he nodded and crashed his lips back onto mine. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[loneleesoul]

Starker: Party Games Pt. 3

I'd call this a story, this is the first time in a while ive loved what ive written and gotten so deep into a story.

💛💛💛

Peter waits while Ned's mom is in the kitchen to tell him about Tony. His changed demeanor, defending him and that god awful cringey hug-like thing.

Ned is smirking the entire time, the only thought on his mind. "He so likes you Peter."

"What? No! That's insane!" He's shocked at the accusation, never in a million years would he have thought of something like that.

"Listen, he treats you like shit for what- five years, then a traumatizing experience sets him straight and his true love for you blooms out, reaching out for you because he's cared all this time! He-" He runs out of air, fanboying taking over for a second.

"I honestly don't think that Ned, maybe he's just messing with me." Peter shrugs and Ned belches "Maybe it's Maybelline Peter, it's real." He slams his hand on the table.

"Like with children, they bully the ones they like because they don't know how to handle their feelings. Hey, maybe you actually shook him, so now he feels bad for treating you like shit."

"Ned! Will you please stop with your dumb love story theories please! I don't like Stark!" He growls, silencing Ned.

He takes a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. "Maybe he feels bad, but he'll turn back to beating the shit out of me. Maybe he's having a hard time at home, his dad seems like an asshole every time he's at school. I don't know and don't care Ned, sorry but the only thing I worry about is having to explain my injuries to Aunt May."

Ned stares down at his hands as his mom returns with desert. "Peter honey, do you want to bring some of this home for May?" She smiles, obviously hearing the conversation a few seconds ago.

__________

Michelle is right by his side as he arrives at school. "I've got open lunch, as should you and Toe-knee s-dork." She smiles, her iconic lazy grin.

"What's my nickname?" He asks, genuinely curious. "Penis Parker, I didn't come up with that one... Uh, Dickwad, Loser, Bones-"

"That's pretty cool, Bones." Peter shrugs and MJ giggles. "Come on, are you that stupid that you don't get it? No one has ever seen you eat and you are literally skin and bones, skin isn't a good nickname however."

"Excuse me??" Peter shouts, starling MJ. "What? Don't shoot me, Stark came up with that one. Plus, it's true.. you don't eat." She shrugs and Peter is fuming.

"How about you prove S-dork wrong and take us to lunch because you are a loser." MJ grabs onto his arm. "Pleeeease, pretty please with Penis Parker on.. top? Geez that's wrong."

"Fine! I'll prove S-dork wrong! Tell him we are going to lunch." He's too pissed to think of what he's getting into.

"Thanks Petey, I'll drive us." She kisses him on the forehead and rushes away.

He wipes the spittle off, moaning in disgust. Not that MJ was disgusting or anything, it's just that she's more of a criticism friend. One that treats him like shit to improve him.

Boy, was he really that obvious when he didn't eat? He wouldn't say he had an eating disorder or anything, just that he eats when he's hungry.

And he just so happens to not be hungry during the morning or school hours.

Most people scoff at him when he sits at lunch, alone, with no food, looking like his usual loser self.

"How do you stay so skinny Peter?" "Are you starving yourself for attention or something?" "You know, some people are actually starving with no access to food." "Why don't you eat?" "Do you need to talk to the school counselor?" "Peter, we talked about this, you are worrying everyone."

It was all fine, brush it off okay until Stark got involved. Which, he's been getting mad at Stark a lot in the past three days.

After all this time, doesn't Stark deserve it?

__________

He's going to see Peter, holy shit.

Hooooly shit, he's going to screw this up. "That's cool, today?" He asks, voice breaking slightly. "Yeah, meet me by my trash van.. Peter's paying so get some expensive shit." MJ finger guns him and walks away. Tony sighs, running his fingers through his hair.

As long as I don't touch him, look at him or even breathe in his direction, I should be fine.

__________

It doesn't take Peter too long to find MJ's "trash van" she had mentioned a few minutes ago. It was truly a piece of garbage.

The brown paint was peeling, a rust colored metal beneath it. Random stickers and decals were littered all over the vehicle.

And, best of all, there were only two seats.

MJ had the other two rows removed when she went on a spontaneous vacation for three weeks in Louisiana.

"Hey, be glad I got rid of the mattress that was in here. I spilled food all over that disgusting thing. Now you can either sit on Tony up in the front with me, or sit on the floor in the back." She gestures to Tony, who looks ahead ignoring Peter.

Oh, what else was new? What the hell was wrong with him?

"I'll take the floor, thanks." He mutters, swinging open the door and slamming it behind him.

MJ gets in the drivers seat and laughs. "Are you sure you don't want to sit on Stark's lap? I know how uncomfortable the floor is, I haven't had a chance to vacuum the floor in like... months."

Tony audibly sighs, looking down at his hands and Peter rolls his eyes. "I'll manage a two minute drive Michelle."

"Oh I think it's gonna be more than two minutes Pete." She looks at him through the mirror, smiling deviously. "Ever been to that new joint near the public library?"

Peter groans, remembering him and May looking at the high-end luxurious establishment with want. "I can't pay for that!" He exclaims as MJ starts to drive.

"You lost, you agreed to buy us food." MJ taps on Tony's elbow. "This loser has to pay, back me up here."

He takes a deep breath and looks at Peter through the mirror. "You lost fair and square, and as a loser you suck."

Peter glares at him "You swallow."

A spark of suprise in Tony's eyes. "You choke."

"Nope bitch, I could shove an entire cucumber in my mouth and not gag." He retorts and MJ busts out laughing.

He turns red immediately, wanting to take those words back. He could just imagine the rumors now.

But a dark look is now in Tony's eyes, something that Peter has never seen before. Is it a new level of anger? Embarrassment?

He looks away quickly, eyes now glued to the floor. "YOU ARE A FUDGING HOOT PARKER." MJ screams out, shaking from all the laughing.

He can feel Tony's eyes still on him as Michelle speeds to the restaurant. "Are we gonna be back in time for class?" Peter asks worriedly.

"Okay you freaking psycho, you need to take a chill pill, everyone has skipped classes before. You'll survive without English." She gasps in awe at the restaurant. "Beautiful, plus we only have like 20 some minutes until class so we are definitely gonna miss class." She shrugs as she nearly hits a car while parking.

Peter clamours out of the van awkwardly as Tony waits impaitenly behind him, silent unlike usual.

MJ grabs Peter's arm, dragging him to the front. "Get yourself together, you look awful. They'll turn us down if we look poor. Tony is fine." She messes with his hair in attempt to fix it.

Peter looks at Tony and can't help but blush. He did look good.

Tight jeans and t-shirt which both hugged his godlike figure. A baggy letterman jacket hides those chis-

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Peter shakes his head and sighs. It's best to just pay attention to Michelle's bullshit.

God no.. -he did have a godlike figure, it's undeniable. No wonder he was fucking girls every other night. Those "chisled" arms have beaten the shit out of Peter more times than he could count on seven hands.

What the hell was he doing? This jerkweed had been beating the shit out of him relentlessly for the past like five years. Tearing him down emotionally, mentally and physically without remorse.

"Table for 3?" He asks to the beautiful hostess. She smiles at him with kind eyes. "How old are you?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Stop hitting on this loser and get us a table." Tony cuts in, a grimace on his lips.

Her smile fades, turned to a growl. "There's an age limit in this establishment mister, I'd watch your mouth." She hisses and Michelle pulls Tony back. "Me and the jackass are 22, the angel is 21." She bluffs.

The smile returns "Great, if you will all follow me." She leads them to a booth. Luckily, Michelle seats herself between Peter and Tony. Unluckily, they face each other and Tony tends to stare.

"Guys... please go easy on me, I only have like 30 right now.." He begs. "Fine, what are you having?" Michelle puts down her menu.

"Oh, probably nothing.. I made manicotti in Culinary this morning." It's not exactly the truth. "I'm just getting this out of the way now so you won't bother me about it later." He shrugs, pulling out his wallet. "If I give you the money right now can I just leave?" He pulls out a wad of cash and holds it in front of MJ.

She looks a bit worried. "Seriously? I meant that we all have dinner, in this case lunch, together." There's a hint of hurt in her tone.

He sighs, exasperated. "Look, I'm not like you two where it's cool and okay to be late or skip class. You're right I'm a loser, I can walk back to school. Run to make it on time." He scoots to leave the booth but a waitress arrives.

"Would you all like something to drink?"

MJ puts on a fake smile. "Manhattan please."

What??

"Sazerac, with a little more absinthe if you could." Tony grins, voice smooth like melted butter.

"And you sir?" She turns to him, book in hand. "I.. uh-.. Dr. Pepper?" He feels stupid saying it, but what the hell????

She nods, smirking slightly and walks away. MJ giggles uncontrollably and Tony sighs. "We are not over 21! She didn't even ID us!!! This is wrong!" He accuses.

"Peter, relax for the first time in your life. Haven't you ever had a sip while your parents weren't looking?" MJ raises her eyebrows expectantly.

"First off, I don't have any parents and second, no! I don't drink and neither should you! It's expensive as hell! I bet what y'all just got was over 30 bucks!" He whispers violently.

MJ looks at the menu. "No actually 12.35, so you better check that wallet again."

Tony bites his lip, foot tapping unconsciously under the table. "MJ? Why did you choose such an expensive restaurant when we don't have time and Peter doesn't have the money?" The latter bothers him more.

Peter stares down at his hands, biting his lip. "Tony, lets just have him get drinks now and he can buy us food when we have more time." She waves at the waitress.

She rushes over with her toothy smile. "Yes?" She tries to hard to be like all of the other waitresses. "Something came up and we can only get drinks, is that okay?" MJ sounds polite for once.

She nods and hurries back into the kitchens, a few seconds later the drinks are here.

"Peter, try mine." Michelle waves her drink in his face. "No, we shouldn't be drinking especially when you are driving!" He hisses at her, keeping his voice low.

He hears Tony scoff and the rage just builds inside him. "That's why you should drink this so I can drive." She smirks, pulling the drink up to her lips and sighs. "You are missing out, drink your Dr. Pepper you virgin."

What kind of insult is that?

[swiftedbethy13]

I’m now going to tell you about the most magical and amazing experience I’ve ever had and ever will have. This post is SO long so go grab some popcorn 🍿

So on October 2nd I was working a nightshift. It was little to do and just went in and checked my emails. I saw two emails from twitter saying Taylor Nation had sent me a DM!! I panicked so bad and went on my twitter to check if it was real. And on my twitter I have two DMs from Taylor fucking Nation. I stared shaking so bad and could barely breathe. The message said *CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE* and that they have a secret, special event they would like to talk to me about, and to send my full name, phone number and best time to contact me. Have you ever tried typing in details like that while your hands are shaking so bad like you’re on drugs?! ITS HARD MAN! I obviously gave them my details (duh), and told them my lips are sealed and it sounds so exciting! Then I panicked cos I thought my reply was too late, and had to ask if I was too late, and then I apologised for sending them so many messages 😂 They said “haha you’re all good, thanks doll”. Then I was supposed to take care of newborns and their moms and stay calm at the same time. IT WAS SUCH A STRUGGLE! I had to go to the bathroom to try and breathe.

We were not supposed to tell ANYONE, but I just had to send my friend Lyndsay a message saying it’s important to check you DMs on twitter often. And she replied “I know, you too…” and I just KNEW she had gotten a message too. If she replied with something different I wouldn’t have told her anything. We started freaking out together and it was beautiful.

I didn’t know when to expect a phone call, all I knew was that I need to have my phone on sound at all times. Like you can’t miss the most important phone call of your life! I had an evening shift the next day and told work I just have to have my phone on sound cos I’m waiting for a very important phone call. Every time my phone rang I just immediately panicked 😂. I can’t remember the time but I was at work and in a patients room when my phone started ringing. I quickly said “sorry I have to take this” and ran out of the room. I look at my phone and it’s calling from New York 😱 I die and start shaking and answer. It was Ali calling from Taylor Nation!! She confirmed it was the right person she was talking too and gave me some more details. It was going to be a secret special event in London on Friday the 13th of October from 4pm-11pm. She asked if I was going to be able to make travel arrangements and I was like “duh YAS OF COURSE”. She told me I could bring a plus’s one, and since I knew that Lyndsay was already going, I gave them my friend Alex’s details. She told me again that this was confidential and I couldn’t speak about it to anyone except my parents, guardian and boss at work. I was going to get more information early the week following. I probably sounded like the most bored person cos I was IN SHOCK, like I was just “yeah” “uhu”, “yes”, and didn’t show any excitement at all 😂. She hung up and continuing work was the hardest thing EVER!

I made travel arrangements and sorted hotels with my friends. I was already going to London on the Sunday till Wednesday before the event on Friday, so I knew the week would go quick anyways. On Sunday evening I out of the blue get an email. I was at the hotel with my mom having a pamper evening, and I was SO THROWN OFF COS I THOUGHT I WOULD GET IT ON MONDAY OR TUESDAY. My mom filmed my reaction to getting this email and it shows how Taylor Swift makes me feel nearly 24/7 😂. The email again said that it was confidential and not to post anything about it or tell anyone. They gave us an address for a Holiday In hotel where we were going to meet up. They said not to bring too much personal belongings cos this was going to be taken off us as well as our phones. AT THIS POINT I STARTED TO BE MORE CERTAIN THAT I WAS GOING TO A SECRET SESSION. Hence my reaction to getting the email lol. I still tried to not get my hopes up, and tried to tell myself that maybe I’ll get to hear a new song and have a swiftie party. Good thing I was in London and could get myself an outfit. OMG IVE NEVER BEEN MORE STRESSED ABOUT FINDING AN GOOD OUTFIT EVER!! I did find it by the help of my really good friend!

THIS STORY IS GETTING SO LONG, sorry 😂 Well done for getting this far. I’m going to skip forward to Friday now (aka the best day of my life).

So, FRIDAY THE 13TH. I get up at 4am to catch my flight to London. My stomach is doing backflips trying to catch butterflies cos I was so excited and nervous and anxious at the same time. I couldn’t listen to any Taylor music cos I would just start to cry, so I ended up listening to P!nks new album (which is amazing btw). When I get to London I meet up with Lyndsay, Megan and Alex. We head to the hotel where we are going to stay and to meet up. Here we get dressed and as I was to put my makeup on I realise that I’ve forgotten all my make up and I go in a full on panic. IM SUCH AN IDIOT! Luckily Megan had makeup I could borrow. After we got ready we headed down to outside the hotel. There were loads of girls with red lipstick and dresses so we knew we were in the right place 😍. We qued up outside, they were running late, think we stood outside for 40 minuets maybe. We then got to the front of the line and inside (finally cos I was freezing my ass of). Taylor Nation was there ready to sign us in!! We signed a confidentiality contract and showed our ID and GOT OUR WRISTBAND!!! (KANDJFJRJDJ)!! It said United Kingdom on it, written in reputation font!!! SO EXCITING! We then went down the stairs to a room with lots of chairs in. There were refreshments, and hot drinks (yay for cold me!) for us while we waited for further instructions.

Then we were told to leave our stuff behind, including phone, and the first 25 people went on a bus. Me and Alex got on the second bus. Now I stared getting SO nervous, it’s ridiculous. Before we went on we where scanned by security. Then the bus took off! We drove a title while and was driving through the most posh neighbourhood EVER, like I WANNA LIVE THERE! The bus stopped and we were told to be quiet while we went off. I realised we were at a house, and you could only guess I was thinking we were at TAYLORS HOUSE!! There were lots of security while we were taken in a back entrance of the house and in through the basement. I had to knock on the door 😂 (so I could say I knocked on Taylor Swifts door, I know I’m extra 😂). We got scanned by security again before we were taken up to the kitchen. GUYS, THIS HOUSE IS AMAZING!! ITS SO HUGE. We still haven’t by this point been told where we are, but duh 🙄. I KNEW we were at Taylor’s house. Her kitchen is beautiful! She has 4 ovens!! There were lots of snack on the counters. Homemade chicken nuggets, fruit, cheese and fizzy drinks. There were also REP cookies!! And REP m&ms! SO COOL! Andrea and Scott was also in the kitchen talking to other fans. Me and Alex just hung around and talked to a few people. Then Lyndsay and Megan arrived, we hugged each other cos they also realised where we were. We then ended up talking to Scott. He has never been to Norway!! And I told him he neeeeeds to come here.

Her house smells AMAZING. I obviously had to see which candles she was burning so I could by them 😂. We were then told to get in a line as we were going to a different room. This was after everyone had arrived and had some food. Me, Alex, lyndsay and Megan were quite up front as we were taken to a living room. There were cushions on the floor and we sat down. I sat down not even thinking about where. Me and Alex chose a high cushion and shared it. A 100 people was going to fit in this room and it got really tight! When everyone had found a spot there was some whispering and the door opened a little. THEN THE QUEEN THAT IS TAYLOR SWIFT WALKS INTO THE FUCKING ROOM AND IM SCREAMING. We were so loud! I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH 😭😭 Like I couldn’t believe she was like right there in the same room as me. As I was having difficulties breathing she sat down like 2 meters away from me and Alex, we had such a good view of her like OMG. Then she said we were going to hear the whole FUCKING ALBUM AND WE DIED. We now knew this was A FUCKING SECRET SESSIONS PEOPLE! SHE ALSO SAID SHE HANDPICKED EVERYONE! I FUCKING DIED! TAYLOR HAS LURKED ME FOR A YEAR WITHOUT ME KNOWING 😭😭 I’ve never had a like or a follow, and I don’t have many followers on any social media. STILL SHE FOUND ME! I’m got eye contact with her so many times during the listening 😭😭😍! SHE IS SO HAPPY TOO!! I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH! AND IM TELLING YOU GUYS THIS ALBUM IS BLODDY AMAZING. (If you think you are stupid enough that I’m going to tell anything about the album, you are being funny, don’t bother asking ���)

After she had pledged the album we got to look through the magazines!!! THEY ARE AMAZING AND IM SO HAPPY I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY ONE WHEN THEY COME OUT!! Then we waited to meet her JENFBDJSSHHSHDB 😭. I was getting so nervous by this point. Like I was going to meet the one person who has been there for me for so many years and I get to tell her how much I love her. We were one of the earlier ones to be sent in to meet her. Megan and Lyndsay were in front of us and a free they finished it was our turn.

I RAN OVER TO HER AND HUGGED HER AND SHE DIDNT LET GO UNTIL I DID 😭😭 I just couldn’t believe what was happening. She then hugged Alex and told me SHE FUCKING LOVE MY OUTFIT! She said “I love this whole outfit situation going on” I died. I told her that it’s not something I wear a lot and she said “you should definitely do!” IM OBVIOUSLY NEVER TAKING THIS OUTFIT OFF. Alex then said he wanted to wear the same outfit but we couldn’t match so he said I could wear it, and she laughed 😂 I love how we had a sarcastic conversation with Taylor Swift 😂 She then laughed at Alex’s apology for his bored resting face. I’m SO PROUD OF HIM SPEAKING TO TALOR, you have no idea! ❤️❤️ Then we were told to move to the side a bit cos they were going to open up the front door (so no one could see she was living there). This gave us more time with her and I’m so grateful! I then asked her about anxiety with singing and she gave me tips on singing and performing in front of people. TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT GAVE ME ADVISE ON SINGING AND PERFORMING!! JJDNDJDJFJRJD. Alex then thanked her for giving him the best friends ever and she hugged us both again 😍 Then it was time for picture. We didn’t plan a pose, we just took one. SHE RESTED HER HEAD ON ME AND I SISNT NOTICED BEFORE I SAW THE PIC! It’s so adorable 😍 There were so much more I wanted to tell her, wish I had a few more minutes but I guess she had ALOT of other people to meet.

We then went out in the hallway and ended up talking to Andrea. She reminds me so much of my mom!! She is also a bit similar! I told her about my mom and that she was worried I was sleeping in the airport by my self the following night. We then talked about how happy Taylor is and she was tearing up 😭 It was so beautiful to see how happy her parents were for her 😍😍 We gave her a biiiiig hug and then walked down to the basement again. There we stood trying to comprehend what just happened. I still don’t believe it, don’t know if I ever will? We then got merch!!! We got a REP tote bag, pop socket, t-shirt, a sticker, a cap and the best thing ever, a exclusive keychain that only us on the secret sessions London got. IT WAS SO NICE OF THEM! We were then sent on the bus back to the hotel. There we spoke to Ali about confidentially again and what we could talk about and not. She is so sweet!! Megan and Lyndsay old us TAYLOR KNEW WE WERE IN NASHVILLE TOGETHER 😭😭 OMG!!

When we came back to the hotel I called my mom and SOBBED. I couldn’t even talk to her cos I was crying too much. Then I posted online on my social media about what happened and my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR TALOR SWIFT. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR THIS!! And thank you to Taylor Nation for giving us this opportunity, it means so much to us ❤️ The picture ended up perfect and I’m going to hang it on my wall so I can stare at it everyday 😍 I’ve been crying since Sunday cos this has been so so emotional to me. I can’t even tell people what happened without crying.

@isturkeyanickname

I’m sorry this story is a mile long 😂

Thank you so much @taylorswift and @taylornation

[lovelesswiki]

Post-Moonless predictions— Well-Kept Secrets (6/10)

previous part<–[here] –> next part

for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.

essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax–the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.

table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):

moonless and beloved will rematch (1)

soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)

ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)

SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)

kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)

ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)

SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)

seventh SM member will be revealed (8)

nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)

ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)

Theory: soubi keeps secrets well for many reasons, but now that he’s gone, they’re going to have to come to light, and ritsuka will find out more about him and his own family, forcing him to realize just how strong and terrible seimei’s hold over soubi is.

Note: this theory heavily discusses the topic of rape in terms of soubi being both the victim and the perpetrator and in terms of nisei’s rape of mikado. proceeding with caution is advised. 

we’ve already been a little bit introduced to this. or, should i say, ritsuka has been a little bit more introduced to this.

soubi keeps secrets from ritsuka. soubi keeps secrets that he has not explicitly been told to keep. ill write up another post someday about this, but i suspect that soubi keeps secrets about his past from ritsuka because seimei already knew all those secrets and used them against him, and he thinks that not telling them to ritsuka will prevent them from hurting, so he can just ignore his past and pretend like it never happened. this actually isnt uncommon in people who have been through constant abuse, and it makes sense why soubi hasn’t told ritsuka (or anyone) anything yet.

not even kio or natsuo and youji seem to know about soubi’s complete past, involving mainly ritsu’s treatment of him, but also involving what soubi did under seimei’s rule. it is pretty clear from the angry, verbally violent way that he responds to tokino with that he did some pretty terrible things under seimei’s rule. when tokino implies that like nisei, it was soubi’s job to rape and murder enemies, soubi loses his shit but never really denies it. aside from this, we have hard evidence of soubi murdering other teams for seimei, including this being explicitly stated in a drama CD where someone that soubi took pity on comes back to haunt him, and the fact that one of the crimes seimei’s being prosecuted for includes murder, and seimei doesn’t do the dirty work to say the least. there’s also the fact that in the beginning, he kept asking ritsuka if he wanted soubi to murder their opponents, which strongly implies that he’d been put in a situation previously, where that question was necessary and appropriate, and where the answer was ‘yes’. this is a secret long-kept, and i do believe it’s key in understanding soubi, which is something ritsuka (and by extension kio) desperately need, and it’ll play into ritsuka’s later development of understanding that not everything falls into ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

(pictured: soubi starts an yelling argument with tokino over one comment, resulting in youji telling him to calm the fuck down.)

soubi has let a couple things go to ritsuka. he confirmed that ritsu raised him and was very cruel to him, but he didnt expand much on either point. with the few stories that soubi did tell ritsuka, ritsuka seemed a bit distressed and commented that the things ritsu did were horrible. in addition to this, ritsuka learning about seimei and nisei raping mikado seemed to be a huge turning point for him in the way he viewed seimei, and i suspect that there will be something similar when ritsuka learns that soubi was raped at a young age by the man raising him. and i suspect he’ll become very confused and disorientated when he realizes that seimei had soubi do many of the same things that nisei did. while i think their situations are different to where soubi had no capacity to enjoy it or even want to do it, whereas with nisei and in the case of mikado, nisei seems to have gone above and beyond whatever seimei ordered him to do and going along with his personality, enjoyed it, especially given his comments of liking it when listening to ritsuka cry through his wiretaps. 

(it’s probably safe to say that he enjoyed what he did to mikado.)

ritsuka is a particular character, because he’s young, and young people tend to view the world in terms of ‘black’ and ‘white’. for a long, long time, ritsuka viewed his brother as ‘good’ and in the series, mostly towards the beginning, he struggled with whether or not soubi was a ‘bad guy’. however, hes quickly discovering that the world isn’t so clear-cut, which we’ll get to in a hot minute (or more, in the next part of this series).  

by some way or another, probably by just directly asking ritsu or nagisa and by spending an extended amount of time at seven voices, ritsuka will find out about soubi’s childhood. he will also go deeper into what the flashback chapters introduced and we’ll find out what further transpired with ritsu, nagisa, akio, and the rest of the kids in that particular year. i say this because, at this point, it’s detrimental to the story. we’ve gotten to a point where we sort of need to know why these older characters act the way they do and why there’s so much bad blood between them. this will also help ritsuka understand SM more, too, but ill get to that in the next point. there’s also the fact that, you know, theres two potential people that could be ritsuka’s father, the fact that soubi’s mother and ritsuka’s mother were friends, and the fact that a kid suspiciously drown in knee-deep water. so, a lot of unsolved mysteries we haven’t gotten to yet.

so, we have ritsuka and kio finding out about the horrors of soubi’s past, and i think this will heavily impact the way ritsuka sees ritsu and septimal moon. right now, ritsuka seems to sort of respect ritsu, but i doubt he will after he finds out about everything, especially the fact that ritsu raped soubi when he was incredibly young and abused him in every way before and after that. this will cause ritsuka’s opinion of ritsu to drop incredibly low, which will affect what happens in the next part of this series.

ritsuka may also find out about the things soubi did for seimei and will find out that many of the crimes that seimei is held accountable for were actually done with soubi’s hands. i don’t believe in any way, shape, or form that soubi can be held accountable for this in this world, nor do i personally believe he should be held accountable, but i’m unsure if ritsuka will immediately see it this way. ritsuka will be forced to make a choice about good vs evil regarding soubi, and will be forced to come to the realization of just how strong seimei’s hold over soubi and nisei is and what the extent of his power is.

in addition, we’ll find out more about ritsuka’s family, too. i should say that im a firm believer that yun has been building up to something having to do with ritsuka’s father, who he is, and why he’s never present, and ive thought this ever since we got the indirect confirmation that seats are passed down throughout the family, meaning that it was most likely the elder aoyagi who held it beforehand. notice that i say elder aoyagi and not ritsuka’s father, because we don’t know if ritsuka’s father is seimei sr or aoyagi masaki, misaki’s biology professor in high school. this will play a huge amount into who ritsuka is and what he discovers about himself, and how it could even relate to seimei’s motives and his own memory loss.

the way i see it, ritsuka and seimei are masaki aoyagi’s kids. or, at the very least, seimei is his, but i personally believe ritsuka is, too. however, there’s a very real possibility that ritsuka thinks nowaki seimei--who will be referred to as seimei sr, mostly because i think it’s funny--is his father. i’m fairly certain that seimei sr is the one that ritsuka calls ‘dad’ and the person that we see for a couple panels in the early volumes of the manga, and im unsure if he knows that he was fathered by someone else. seimei jr alludes to knowing more about their family and why they’re named what they are named in an extra chapter about ritsuka’s birthday, but doesn’t say much about his family beyond that. regardless, there is something fucked up going on with the aoyagi family seniors, since misaki, ritsuka, and seimei jr all take the last name ‘aoyagi’. the kids look like aoyagi masaki, but the person ritsuka calls ‘dad’ is never home and is most definitely not aoyagi masaki. there’s also the fact that when seimei jr is being taken to the hospital for ritsuka’s birth in a flashback, we don’t actually see daddy. on top of this ‘dad’ is never home and ritsuka even states at one point while he’s tied up that he won’t come save him, and he doesn’t attend ritsuka’s school functions (in fact, soubi seems to be the person his school considers his parent, since he’s asked to come help out at an art museum and he offers to go to the dad event at school for ritsuka in early series loveless).  

i’m of the belief that something is going on with the aoyagi parental lineage, since i don’t really see any evidence that ritsuka’s father is just absent a lot. there’s too much pointing to the fact that something suspicious is going on. and i think this is something seimei knows, but ritsuka does not. i also think that ritsuka will be finding out more about his memory loss, and i theorize that ritsuka at one point found out something he shouldn’t have, resulting in seimei ordering to have his memory taken, and that soubi is probably the one to have done this, given that soubi is able to alter memories, since he did so to hitomi in relation to natsuo and youji.

to put it simply, there’s a lot of very well-kept secrets that i think are about to come out, and it’s going to be detrimental when they do.