#it’s definitely a more difficult hurdle to get over

[neon-danger]

Sleep really does help the "everyone hates me, I hate me" feeling. It also kills my motivation to do things, oh well.

I will say changing the language I use about myself and remembering that assuming my friends secretly hate me is kinda mean really helped me recognize my own self worth

So even when my brain is having A Moment I still know it’s not really a reflection of who I am as a person, but a consequence of the mental illness Im still learning to cope with, even on the meds

[spencerreidenjoyer]

addicted to you | spencer reid x reader

Spencer isn’t inclined to be affectionate with you. He’s a socially awkward germaphobe, and you’re perfectly fine with it. However, being three months into your relationship, you can’t help but want more. Once Spencer gets a taste, he wants more too. A lot more.

part 1 | part 2 - insatiable

wc: 6.1k, rating: explicit/18+

tags/warnings: established relationship, first times, virgin!spencer, early seasons spencer, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering praise kink, morning wood, morning sex, sex in unconventional places (like, not in public but not the bed lol), cunnilingus, creampie, implied multiple orgasms

a/n: no excuse for this insane fic but i was strangely inspired by a post i saw on twitter that i wanted to put a lighthearted (and horny) spin on. i definitely felt crazy writing this and i feel crazy posting this now so i sure hope you enjoy this insanity! (p.s you can also find this fic on ao3!)

You don’t mind that Spencer isn’t touchy. You understand, with Spencer being a germaphobe and a little socially awkward, that he isn’t inclined to kisses on the cheek or holding your hand. You’ve only been dating for three months, and he’s already getting better at doing these things, which makes your heart sing. 

Spencer is sweet, willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. He used to shy away from your touch, but he’s gotten more comfortable with you. He lets you hold his hand when you’re out on a date, or he’ll kiss you chastely out in public. He lets you drape yourself over him when you’re sitting on the couch together watching a show, his arm around your waist to pull you in close. 

While you can understand Spencer’s hesitance towards public displays of affection, due to his awkwardness and anxieties about germs, you’re surprised he hasn’t initiated anything more in the privacy of his apartment (or yours). You’re starting to itch for it, something more, your attraction to Spencer Reid simply too overwhelming for it to simply be sweet and innocent anymore. Your body craves him desperately, because he’s so lovely and so fucking handsome. You’ve caught yourself staring at his hands more than once.

Tonight, you decide you’ll get what you want. You’re going to fuck Spencer Reid.

With your head buried in his shoulder during movie night, your hand runs down his body, getting dangerously close to his crotch – he jumps up off the couch, almost comedic, and stares at you like your touch had burned him. He looks positively freaked out. 

“Spencer,” you say, very confused that he’s not into this. What kind of man doesn’t like his girlfriend initiating sex? Hell, what kind of man doesn’t like sex? 

“I just–” Spencer pauses, like he’s struggling to find the words. “I can’t. Not right now, I–”

“Hey, it’s okay.” You assure him. “We don’t have to. Ever, if that’s what you want.”

His eyes widen again. “No! I want to, just– It’s difficult, right now.”

You cock your head slightly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Spencer frowns slightly, seeming to know that talking about it is the most rational thing to do, but it’s not like that makes him want to do it. “Well, I– I’ve never done it before.”

Your mouth falls open, just a little, and you look up at him. While you don’t mean to judge, it certainly isn’t surprising. Spencer was fourteen when he was starting university, and his general awkward demeanour and extreme nerdiness would likely rule out any sexual encounters for him during his time in college. Spencer’s line of work would clearly make it difficult for him to maintain a relationship – you definitely lucked out with getting to date him – and he’s too much of a softie for one night stands. So, Spencer Reid being a virgin at twenty-seven definitely checks out.

“That’s okay,” you say softly. “It’s totally normal.”

Spencer’s lips press into a thin line. “Well, you know it took me a while to get used to being affectionate with you, so I think–”

“Being intimate with someone else is going to be a hurdle you’ll need time to cross, too?” 

Spencer looks up at you, eyes wet, looking at you like you’ve read him like an open book. He whispers, “Yeah.”

“That’s okay,” you repeat, even though you’re trying to come to terms with the fact that you’re not going to fuck Spencer Reid tonight. “I’ll– We’ll take it slow, if you want to try.”

“Yes, please.” He has a small smile on his lips as he looks up at you. “I– We could try doing something tonight, too. I just– I wasn’t expecting it earlier. I’m sorry for pushing you off like that.”

You shake your head, reassuring him that you aren’t offended by it by any means. Then, you ask, “You’re sure you want to try? Tonight?”

Spencer nods, as he reaches for your hand. He holds it gently, resting it on his thigh. “Yeah. I haven’t– It’s been a long time since I’ve been with someone, but I want to, with you.”

You lean in to kiss his cheek gently. “I’m glad you trust me.”

His eyes are soft and syrupy when he meets your gaze. “Of course I trust you.”

You squeeze Spencer’s thigh before pressing your lips to his, the familiarity of kissing Spencer making you both ease up a little more. Your kiss is gentle, sweet, just like every other kiss you've shared, but you let your hand slide up his thigh as you kiss him, and you can feel Spencer tensing up under your touch. You squeeze his thigh to reassure him, and you feel Spencer wriggle underneath where you're leaning your body weight on him to loosen up. 

Your hand skirts over his crotch, a hardness under your palm that makes you feel somewhat proud of yourself. Spencer’s breathing is heavy as he keeps kissing you, and keeps letting you touch him. You think he’s so cute. You just want to make him feel good. 

You push the waistband of his sweats down, tugging him out of his pants. His cock is the same shade of red as his cheeks, his shyness turning you on extremely. 

He doesn’t look down at himself, where you’re holding him – instead, his eyes are intently focused on your face. You don’t push him about it, instead leaning forward to kiss him as you start to stroke his cock. 

This time, it feels desperate. Spencer kisses you with more fervour, like a fire’s been lit within him, the pleasure running through his veins almost like liquid courage as he kisses you deeply. You’re more than happy to be doing this, letting Spencer lick into your mouth while you jerk him off. You appreciate the weight of him in your hand, imagining him inside of you – but perhaps you’re getting ahead of yourself. 

“You can touch me, Spence,” you say, in between Spencer kissing you fervently. His hands have been cupping your face, but otherwise he seems awkward with them. You pull back slightly, and while it’s adorable that he’s still holding your face sweetly, you drag his hands down to your chest, in the oversized t-shirt you’d stolen from Spencer’s drawer. “Like this.”

Spencer’s large hands cup your breasts through the shirt perfectly. He squeezes tentatively. You bite your lip as his palms brush over your nipples, as he manhandles you just a little. It’s more force than you’re used to from Spencer, kneading and squeezing and feeling you, and that makes your head spin. 

Daringly, Spencer’s hands slip under your shirt, as he leans back in to kiss you. You feel his calloused hands on your skin as he feels you up, making you shudder. His touch isn’t demanding nor pushy, simply exploratory as he feels your soft skin under his fingertips. 

Your arousal is pumping through your system, Spencer’s gentle submissiveness like a drug you can’t kick. The more you touch him, the more he reacts; touching you more, whimpering and gasping against your lips, into your neck.

“Come on, baby,” you coo in his ear, your hand speeding up on Spencer’s hardness. He’s leaking pathetically, wet in your palm, and he squirms underneath you. 

“I’m– It’s too–” Spencer cuts himself off with a helpless whine, like he can’t control himself. His hands grip your waist tight. “Please–”

“Mm,” you hum sympathetically, while you thoroughly enjoy seeing Spencer like this. “Wanna cum like this, baby?”

Spencer’s breathing hard. He can’t get the words out, but he shakes his head. You slow your strokes, to an excruciating pressure on his length. “No? Then tell me, Spence.”

“Inside you,” He gasps, eyes squeezed shut. 

You absolutely should not let Spencer fuck you for the first time on his couch, but he’s desperate and your resolve is steadily crumbling. “You– You’re sure?”

“Please,” Spencer gasps, his eyes pleading with you helplessly.

So, you pull your hand back and push your shorts off instead. Your panties come off in one fell swoop, and you sit back onto the couch with your legs spread. Spencer’s eyes are wide and his lips are parted as he looks at you, takes the sight of you in. 

Then he’s like a baby deer, standing up and fumbling to get his sweatpants off. You can’t help but giggle at his awkward movements, in his excitement and eagerness to get to touch you, to get to fuck you. He’s quick to get between your legs, his hardness nudging at your entrance already. 

“Mm, not yet, Spence,” you hum. You reach for his hand, taking his wrist as you guide his fingers to your clit. “You know what to do, right?”

He turns his wrist so his fingers – God, his fingers – are poised almost elegantly above your clit. He presses down and starts to circle his fingers against you. You gasp.

“Thought you didn’t– oh– Didn’t have much experience,” you gasp. You hold onto Spencer’s forearm tight, throwing your head back as Spencer pleasures you.

Spencer huffs out a laugh. “I might not be experienced, but I’m not a prude– I remember the… stuff I’ve seen. Eidetic memory and all.”

“Stuff,” you laugh. “I’m sure the porn you’ve watched must’ve helped, darling.”

He slips his fingers into your wetness with an unsurprising ease, considering how turned on you are by him. He hits spots inside you you’ve never thought were possible to reach, but they make electricity zip up your spine. You moan as he crooks his fingers into you, rocking them in and out with a wet squelch.

Spencer grins at you. “You were saying?”

“You’re a cocky bastard, you know that?” you huff, your tone teetering between awfully turned on and mildly annoyed. 

“You like it,” Spencer says, assured of himself, and you smile, because you really do.

“My love,” you moan, as Spencer presses his fingers into you, back out. “You should try fucking me now.”

Spencer’s fingers are still inside of you, and his eyes are wide as he looks up at you. “You think so?”

You smile at him. “If you think you’re up for it.”

You mourn the loss of Spencer’s fingers, but as he’s mumbling to himself and lining his cock up with your entrance, you can only coo at how adorable you find all of this. And how turned on you are, but that’s more than obvious to the both of you by now. 

He looks to you, like he’s looking for reassurance. You nod. Even in the silence, he’s gotten the confidence to push his cock into you, the thickness of his tip breaching your hole. You gasp as you stretch around him, your cunt making space for him as he slides in, excruciatingly slow. “Spencer–”

Spencer lets out a whine as your tight heat engulfs him, his length swallowed up by you as he sinks deeper into you. “Oh, my God–”

“Just like that, baby,” you moan, your leg hooking around Spencer’s leg to coax him forward, closer to you. “Fuck.”

“Do I– When should I–” Spencer gasps, unable to form a coherent sentence with the pleasure swimming through his bloodstream. 

“You can start moving when you don’t feel like you’re going to blow your load if you breathe the wrong way,” you joke, but Spencer does seriously look like he’s going to finish any second. “Hey. Deep breaths, baby.”

Spencer’s brows are furrowed and his eyes are squeezed shut as he breathes in hard, in through his nose and out through his mouth. He’d told you to do that when he’d helped you through a panic attack one time, and while you feel bad that he feels so nervous about all this, it’s extremely amusing to you right now. 

“Look at me,” you say, trying your best not to laugh. “You’re doing great, love.”

Spencer pulls his lower lip between his teeth, his eyes looking to you for validation. 

“So good for me, darling,” you coo, your hand on his hip, while your thumb draws little circles into his skin. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” Spencer shudders, voice high-pitched and a little breathy. “I– You feel really good.”

“Yeah? It’ll feel even better when you start moving, sweetheart,” you hum. “You think you can do that for me? Slow, out then back in.”

Spencer whimpers, nodding, and he takes another deep breath in. His hands on your waist, he pulls out halfway before pressing back into you, and he moans so loudly your ears ring. “So– So tight, you–”

“That’s good, yeah? Feels good?” you coo. “Come on, baby. More.”

Spencer rests one of his arms on the back of the couch, holding himself steady and getting him that much closer to you. He starts to thrust in and out, starting off slow as he finds a rhythm. 

His thrusts are erratic, but you’re so wildly turned on and it still feels amazing, because it’s Spencer. 

Spencer is frantic, desperate, bracing himself against the couch as he fucks into you. Maybe pounding into you is a better phrase to use, because he’s fucking you like a madman, till the couch is squeaking under both your weight. You cry out, feeling Spencer drilling into you – and it feels so good.

“Oh, God,” Spencer whines. “You– It’s so good, oh–”

“Yeah, baby?” You rock your hips along with him, burying Spencer deeper into you. You clench so each thrust is a little tighter, and each time Spencer fucks into you, he moans a little louder. 

Amidst Spencer’s whines and pretty noises, you watch his face morph with pleasure, feeling assured that he’s enjoying this as much as you are. In fact, he’s probably enjoying this more. As you’re lost in your train of thought, admiring Spencer’s gorgeous face, you’re startled when you feel Spencer’s load inside of you, hot and slick. His hips flush against your ass, Spencer shudders as he rides out his orgasm, body trembling from the force of his pleasure.

“Oh, Spence,” you giggle, a little dizzy from how turned on you are, from watching Spencer lose himself just like that. You reach up to cup his face, your thumb gentle on his cheek. “Was that good?”

“Oh,” Spencer mumbles, seemingly brought back to reality. He pulls back, taking the sight of you in. “I’m– I’m good, I’m sorry–”

“Don’t be,” you say. “You’re so cute. It’s so hot.”

“I mean, you are too, but– But you haven’t–”

“You wanna make it up to me, then?” You smile, gentle and warm and Spencer nods like he’s eager to please you. 

You kiss him while he pulls out, replacing the thickness of his cock with two fingers, which fit into you easily. Like before, Spencer presses his fingers into you, slick and wet and squelchy. Spencer curls them and fingerfucks you like a pro, like he’s done this a hundred times. With his face pressed into your shoulder and your arms slung around his neck, Spencer fucks you on his fingers until your toes are curling and you’re screaming his name. You cry out as you orgasm, shaking as Spencer fucks you through it. 

You’re almost embarrassed when you finally come back to your senses, no longer reeling from the intensity of your orgasm. Spencer is kissing your jawline sweetly, his clean hand stroking your hair.

“Hey,” Spencer says softly, somehow knowing you needed to hear him. He parrots you from earlier, “Was– Was that good?”

“So good, my love,” you murmur into his shoulder. Then, after a quiet moment, “I thought you needed some time to get comfortable with being intimate.” 

Spencer pauses for a moment, like he’s pondering it, before he says, “I know. But for you, I think I’d do anything.”

That’s all Spencer manages to get out before you kiss him again. It’s tender and sweet, the intensity behind your kiss no longer lustful but full of adoration and love. You feel like you could sob right now, but you manage to hold it back.

Spencer gets into the shower with you, which you’re surprised by, but his hands are soft on your body as he cleans you up. You shampoo his hair for him, even though he has to lean forward a little so you can reach. 

You end up falling asleep in Spencer’s bed, curled up in his arms. 

You don’t dream at night, but when you wake up with a hardness poking against your thigh and Spencer’s gentle snoring in your ear, you think you might be. 

In your dreariness, you reach behind you, the angular sharpness of Spencer’s hip bone under your palm. He’s warm, cuddled up against you, and the tickling of his breath on your neck tells you that this isn’t a dream. 

“Spence,” you whisper, shaking him slightly. You watch as he blinks himself awake, drowsy as he comes to focus on your face. “Hey.”

“Good morning,” Spencer says, his voice rough with disuse. “What’s up?”

“You are,” you smile, a little too pleased, as your hand snakes down toward his crotch. 

He squeaks at the contact, your soft hand on his hardness, “Um, sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” you laugh. “Had a good dream?”

He pulls his lower lip between his teeth. “About you, yeah.”

“Wanna tell me about it?” you goad, wiggling your eyebrows. 

Spencer’s cheeks somehow get even redder than they already were, but he shakes his head. “I want– I want to have sex, though.”

Your eyes widen. “Now?”

“Do you have the time for it?” He asks, sheepish. “I– I want to fuck you again.”

Your cheeks flush at Spencer’s sudden crudeness. You think about what Spencer could’ve possibly dreamt up, wonder how Spencer could possibly be confident enough to tell you straight up that he wants to fuck you. That phrase probably hadn’t been in Spencer’s lexicon until about twelve hours ago – while Spencer was smart – a literal genius – his innocence was completely understandable. 

“We have time,” you exhale, looking back into his eyes after looking at the clock. “I only have to be at the office in a couple of hours.”

“Good,” Spencer says, leaning in to kiss down your neck. His hands are frisky already, slipping underneath your shirt. Spencer splays his hands over your stomach, before reaching up to cup your breasts in his hands. 

“You like touching me like this, don’t you, baby?” you chuckle breathlessly, already feeling weak in the knees from the way Spencer holds you. “Mm, I’m surprised.”

“Why is that?” His words are slightly muffled against your skin, too busy kissing you to make himself sound coherent. His hands are rough against the softness of your skin, and you moan from the way he’s handling you.

“Yesterday you couldn’t even tell me you wanted to fuck,” you croon, thoroughly pleased. “And now you’re touching me like you know what you’re doing. It’s so hot.”

“I– I just can’t get enough of you,” Spencer admits, his earnest words turning you on extremely.

“Now you’re just horny,” you laugh, feeling Spencer’s hand slide over your underwear.

“Mm, you’re so wet right now too,” Spencer murmurs in your ear, his warm breath and raspy voice sending a shiver down your spine. Where’d he learn to talk like that? You squeeze your thighs together, but that doesn’t stop Spencer from feeling the wetness between your legs, soaking through your panties. 

“All for you, baby,” you gasp, as Spencer’s fingers slip past the band of your underwear, deftly stroking your clit. “Spencer–”

“Can I fuck you? Please?” He pleads, breathy, his hips already rutting forward against your ass. 

His eagerness makes your head spin, his sudden confidence in the realm of sex surprising – maybe it’s cockiness, but you still find that stupidly attractive – but it is certainly welcomed. 

“Yes, Spence, please,” you shudder, the word yes leaving your lips enough for Spencer to pull your underwear down, over the swell of your ass. He fumbles with his own boxers for a moment, but soon you feel his hard, leaking tip pressed to your butt. He rocks his hips back and forth, desperately seeking whatever friction he can get. 

Lost in his own pleasure, Spencer is quick to slide his cock between your legs, the wetness from your cunt making it easy for him to rut into the tight, slick space. Like this, his length rubs up against you, the head of his cock nudging at your clit with every thrust of his hips. It feels primal, Spencer so far gone that he isn’t even fucking you proper, content with the slick, tight space between your thighs and your pussy. You wonder if you need to tell him, but Spencer’s groan in your ear is shaky as his tip catches on your hole.

His arms wrapped around you, both of you moan as Spencer finally sinks his cock into you. He slides in too easily, so easily you almost think he’d hadn’t meant to do it. Maybe he hadn’t, but you’d gotten there in the end, where you both need to be; Spencer buried inside of you.

It’s so different from yesterday, the angle when he presses into you from behind so exhilarating, so good. He’s just as desperate as last night, but there’s a sort of reckless confidence in his movements. His hands slide under your shirt to grab at your tits again, rocking his hips while he practically gropes you. It’s so hot your head spins. You feel like you’re going to explode.

“Spencer!” You cry out, your voice ripping its way out of your throat. Pleasure surges through you like electricity, Spencer’s thick cock hitting all the right spots from this angle. His eager desperation turns you on to no end, as you let him take you from behind. While you weren’t expecting lazy, morning sex at all, the intensity and desperation he fucks you with right now makes you think you could get used to this.

Spencer’s whine has your head spinning. His hips don’t slow, more rhythmic than yesterday but still as needy. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

“Yeah?” You coo breathlessly. You’re so fucking turned on, and every time Spencer drives his hips into you you can hear how wet you really are. “You’re doing so good for me, Spence, fucking me so good.”

“You like it? Is it good?” Spencer gasps, always so eager to please you.

“So good,” you moan. You’re still sore from last night, but the pleasure Spencer is giving you right now overrides all of that. You would love for him to wake you up like this every day. “I’m close, baby.”

“Oh,” Spencer says, like he’s surprised you’re already getting off on this, on him– “What do you need me to do?”

“Just keep going, Spence,” you gasp. “Keep fucking me just like this.”

Spencer’s hum is breathy, high-pitched. Somehow, his grip on you gets tighter, holding you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. The force he fucks you with is so wildly arousing. You’re so enamoured, and so turned on.

Your orgasm creeps up on you, slow and steady as it bubbles up inside of you. You squeeze your eyes shut, focusing on the dirty, rough way Spencer fucks you, and then you feel his soft lips on your neck again. He isn’t properly kissing you – more like slobbering all over your neck, but you cry out as he does so, thighs pressing together as you reach your orgasm. You’re shaking through it, clenching around Spencer as you come, and Spencer’s gasping as your tight pussy pushes Spencer over the edge too. You feel his come inside of you, cock twitching as his load spurts hot and heavy into your cunt. You sob, feeling Spencer slow his thrusts as he rides out his orgasm.

“Holy shit,” you say, your voice coming out ragged and hoarse. You feel like a different woman, being fucked ruthlessly by your boyfriend in his bed for the first time. You can’t get enough. 

“I love you,” Spencer says quietly, earnest. It makes you shudder. 

“You’re crazy,” you laugh, taken aback at how Spencer’s returned to his gentle, soft self. “I love you too, you madman.”

“I can’t resist you,” he murmurs in your ear, the vibrations of his raspy morning voice almost soothing.

You turn around to face him, Spencer still holding you in his arms. He smiles warmly at you, and you lean in to kiss him. “You’re so cute.”

“Wanna go again?” he asks, somewhat timid. 

Your eyes widen. You try to hide your grin, but it doesn’t work. “Someone’s desperate, huh?”

Spencer flushes a gorgeous red. “Maybe a little?”

“I have to get ready for work,” you sigh, actually a little bummed that you can't spend all day fucking Spencer. “Maybe tonight?”

“Okay,” Spencer smiles. “Want me to drive you back to yours?”

You grin. “You’re the best!”

Work is relatively uneventful, numbers and Excel spreadsheets; and all you can think about is Spencer’s rapid change in demeanour over the last twelve hours, his innocence torn away by you, leaving behind a horny, insatiable man. You’re kind of proud of yourself for that. 

So, you can’t blame yourself for being excited to get back to Spencer’s. Lately, you’ve been staying over more, your apartment simply a place to house your wardrobe. Maybe you’ll talk to Spencer about living together.

“Hey, Spence,” you say, pleased when Spencer kisses you as he greets you at the door. 

Even with all the probable germs on you from being out all day, Spencer’s surprisingly clingy, hands on your waist as he stumbles in behind you, as you set the takeout you’d brought over on his dining table. Spencer leans in behind you, kissing your cheek then down your neck.

“Hey, what’s with you, baby?” you chuckle, very much enjoying the way Spencer’s hands slide down your waist to your hips, grabbing the meat of your thighs through your dress pants.

“Missed you,” Spencer answers simply, but even you can tell there’s something in his voice that implies he’s looking for something more. 

“I’m sorry I had to leave you alone the whole day, my love. I’m sure you must’ve found something to busy yourself with, though?” You hum, teasing. You have a good idea of where this is going.

Spencer’s quiet for a moment, so you turn to look at him. His lips are pressed into a thin line, looking almost nervous, and his cheeks are flushed red. Spencer finally presses his body close to yours, and you feel it–

“Spence,” you grin, “Someone’s happy to see me.”

“Thought about it– Thought about you all day,” Spencer mumbles. “You promised.”

“What did I promise, baby?” you egg him on, eager to hear him say it, even though you definitely know what he’s going to ask. 

“That we would do it again tonight,” he answers, but you shoot him a look. “You said we would have sex again tonight.”

“Twice in one day? I don’t know, baby,” you pretend to sound disinterested.

Spencer looks at you with wide eyes. Respectful as ever, he clears his throat. “Please? If you’re tired we don’t have to, but I really want to. Only if you want to, though. This involves both of us, I don’t want to impose–”

You giggle, reaching to hold his hands. “God, you’re perfect.”

“What–?” Spencer barely gets the word out before you’re kissing him. He’s happy to do so, holding your face gently, matching your energy perfectly. You feel his cock pressing against you. 

“I turned you into a sex fiend,” you laugh, between kissing him, “And you’re still thinking about making sure I’m into it too.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer’s brows furrow slightly, like he can’t comprehend how he could be into it if you weren’t too. “And I- I’m not a sex fiend, I just–”

Smiling, you whisper sultrily, “I think you should take me right here, baby.”

“Oh–” You cut Spencer off with another kiss, and he squeaks as you reach for his half-hard cock through his sweatpants. You’re positively delighted that Spencer’s like this, for you.

Spencer kisses you deeply, leaning forward until the small of your back hits the edge of the table. His hands coming up to your ass, he lifts you up, getting you to lay back on the table. You gasp, as Spencer kisses down the column of your neck, his hands making quick work of the buttons of your dress shirt. His lips are soft against your skin, at the swell of your breasts. Your shirt gets pushed off your shoulders. You feel him unhook your bra with a surprising ease, tossed aside, and then his hands are grabbing your tits like they were made for him. His thumbs brush over your nipples, a little forceful as he kneads at you, and your head is spinning. 

“Spencer,” you moan, as he kisses down your stomach, unbuttoning your pants to reveal your soaked-through underwear. He smiles up at you, his messy mop of hair a lovely sight. 

“Can I…?” Spencer’s big brown eyes dart down to where you’re soaked, then back up at you.

Your eyes widen. “Yes. If you want to.”

Spencer grins. “Of course I want to.”

His fingers are gentle on your hips as he pulls your panties off, wasting no time in spreading your legs so he can get between them. Your eyes are wide as you watch him, feeling kind of self-conscious over how eager he is to be doing this. Knelt between your thighs, he lifts one of your legs and swings them over his shoulder. You can feel his stubble on the soft skin of your inner thigh, his nose nudging against your clit. His tongue comes up, wet and hot, as he tastes you for the first time. “Spencer–”

He presses his face impossibly closer, more urgent in eating you out. You watch as his eyes flutter shut, his jaw flexing as his tongue works on you, and you’re trembling already. Spencer’s extremely good with his mouth, and you’re surprised at how good he’s making you feel, considering he likely hasn’t done this before. The sounds of his mouth are wet and squelchy and so obscene, and you would feel almost embarrassed, were it not for how into this Spencer seems to be too, 

With your hands in his hair, you cry out when Spencer’s tongue circles your swollen clit, jolts of pleasure sent through your body. You can’t think straight when Spencer’s face is buried between your legs, eating you out like he was made for this. All you can think about is how gifted Spencer is with his tongue, and how you wish you could do this all night. 

“Please, love,” you moan, “Need you to fuck me.”

Spencer hums in approval, the vibrations between your legs making you jump. He makes a little wet slurping noise before he comes back up, and you feel your cunt throb when he looks up at you with his lovely, wide brown eyes, and his chin wet and messy with your slick. Spencer wipes his face with the back of his hand, and you’re so turned on you might just explode.

“I love you,” you tell him earnestly. “I think this is the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I love you.”

“What is? Having sex on my dinner table?” Spencer quips, as he sets your legs down and stands back up. He has a cocky grin plastered on his face. 

You roll your eyes playfully. “First time for everything, right?”

Spencer nods, smiling, before he leans forward to kiss you sweetly. You watch as he pulls his sweatpants down, his cock bobbing up, red and angry and rock hard. You feel yourself salivating at the sight, but decide that he needs to fuck you right now.

“Spencer,” you mewl, feeling breathless as you watch him wrap a hand around himself, stroking his length. Concentration is written all over his face and it makes you want to kiss him. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this all day,” Spencer says, pressing his cock forward until he’s lined up with your entrance. It’s so tantalising, the way the blunt head of his cock threatens to slip into you. You’re so wet and so loose for him, and you need him inside of you now.

You gasp when he finally pushes in, his thick cock splitting you in half as he slides into you. The pressure is so perfect, the slow draw of his hips as he takes care not to rush, wanting to take care of you. Even with all this still being new for Spencer, he still focuses on you, puts you first. You’re not sure if you’re swooning over him, or the way his cock fits inside you perfectly.

You don’t need to encourage him to start moving. He rocks his hips slowly, somehow already familiar with your body, and makes you feel like you could explode with pleasure. 

He leans forward, pressing his body to yours as he kisses you. Like this, Spencer presses into you deeper, fucks you slow and deep and loving. The edge of the table is absolutely digging into your back, but you don’t care when every sense of yours is filled with Spencer, getting to taste and touch and hear him. You taste yourself on his tongue, hear the sloppy way he thrusts into you, your skin burning wherever he’s pressed up against you. 

Burying his face in your neck, Spencer pants in your ear, hot and heavy as he fucks you, giving you everything you need. Your head is swimming with arousal, as Spencer presses you against the table and fucks you like his life depends on it. “You feel so good, fuck, so good–”

“I’m so close, baby,” you cry out, the pace absolutely ruthless as Spencer fucks you. You didn’t think his stamina would be this good, considering your boyfriend’s lanky stature and abhorrence towards exercise. You certainly wouldn’t mind doing this kind of cardio with him more often. “Please, Spence–”

“Let go, I– I’m here for you,” Spencer stumbles over his words, but he’s so sweet that you’re losing yourself, your orgasm crashing into you like a tidal wave. You scream as you reach your peak, your toes curling while Spencer fucks you through it, shaking as pleasure and arousal zips through your body. Spencer’s hips stutter as the tightness of your pussy has him reeling, too close too quickly. 

While his hips keep a steady pace, you’re feeling loopy as Spencer continues to fuck you. You hold his head close to you, kissing his forehead as you murmur, “You’re so hot, Spence. Made me come so quickly, and you held out for me? So good for me, baby. Are you close?”

Spencer whines, a pitiful noise in the back of his throat. “Please, I’m so close, need you–”

“I’m right here, baby,” you coo, stroking his sweat-matted hair sweetly. You’re so enamoured with him. “Gonna cum inside me, Spence? Fill me up with your–”

You don’t even get to finish your dirty talk before Spencer is moaning, coming inside of you. It feels like he’s released so much inside of you, hot and messy as he fucks you through his own high. His chest heaves as he pants, trembling as he reels from the intensity of his orgasm. Spencer’s hips slow to a stop, and he mouths at your neck mindlessly until he seems to get his bearings back. You imagine you must look a mess, sweat and spit all over you, your makeup from a long day of work likely running by now. 

Spencer gets up off of you, so both of you have space to catch your breaths. You feel Spencer slip out of you with a slick ‘pop’, and feel his release trickle out of you just moments after. You stifle a quiet moan, but when you look up at Spencer, his eyes couldn’t possibly leave the sight between your legs. His lips are parted slightly, pupils blown wide, as he watches you drip with his release. You feel Spencer’s cock, resting against your inner thigh, twitch slightly. 

“Woah there, cowboy,” you chuckle, out of breath. “Give me a minute to recover.”

His eyes practically twinkle when they dart up to look at you. He’s like an excited puppy as he asks, “Again?”

You shake your head, laughing, and sit up to kiss Spencer again. “Maybe we could try something new?”

Spencer grins, nodding eagerly. It definitely seems like he’s down for whatever, as long as it’s with you. 

[littlemisshyperfixation]

Yoongi Fic Recommendations

a - angst f - fluff s - smut

part 2

Series

In the Margins (a s f) by @bonvoyagenoona ⊹₊⋆ You weren’t sure what he would look like. His writing made you think of a cabin nestled among tall pines, a well-worn cardigan, a scotch neat, and a wistful wisp of smoke seeping into the air from the bowl of an unattended tobacco pipe. What stands before you now is a studio apartment in the city, cigarette butts, coffee stains, and a scowl. There’s definitely been a mistake.

Fix You (f a) by @casuallyimagining ⊹₊⋆ When you take in a stray cat, you have no idea he’s secretly a hybrid trying to escape his past. Can you help him heal?

desolate (a f s) by @angelicyoongie ⊹₊⋆ you just wanted a cute little normal cat to keep you company. so you're not really sure how you ended up with the grumpiest hybrid on earth that seems hellbent on making your life difficult.

One Shots

Set Me Free (a f) by @casuallyimagining ⊹₊⋆ Tired of being told how to live his life and unsure of where he stands in the world, Yoongi--your soulmate--yearns to be free. When you give him what he wants, it causes a rift in your relationship that seems irreparable. 12 years later, you find him back in your life. Can you mend your relationship? Do you even want to?

back-burner (a f s) by @yoonpobs ⊹₊⋆ sometimes you felt like you were the back-burner of a two-decade-long friendship. how could you ever compete?

Love Language (a s f) by @gukslut ⊹₊⋆ Your boyfriend obviously loves you, but his silence has you questioning if he *wants* you. If you could only get past your damn insecurities maybe you could appreciate what you have.

27 Phone Numbers (f) by @bxebxee ⊹₊⋆ Yoongi has gone through twenty-seven phone numbers over the last ten years, and you haven’t changed yours since high school. 

sweetner (f s) by @taegularities ⊹₊⋆ You used to know how he sounded when you were wrapped around him, but circumstances have pulled you apart and sent you scattering in opposite directions. Feelings shouldn't reappear so easily by simple words, but when you find yourselves in the same place once again, this is exactly what happens.

One Chance (f) by @out-of-jams ⊹₊⋆ A musical genius, a guy with a bad reputation, your assigned partner for your final project. And the last thing you ever would have expected.

Seasons Change (a s) by @taetaesbaebaepsae ⊹₊⋆ Min Yoongi and you, through the seasons, break up and come back together. Nobody said love was easy.

All That Holly, Jolly Sh*t (a f s) by @daechwitatamic ⊹₊⋆ You haven’t seen or heard from Yoongi since he broke your heart five years ago, laying out a logical list of reasons why you were better off breaking up. When a Christmas Eve blizzard traps you together for the night, you have no choice but to examine how few of those reasons are still true. And if they’re not… where does that leave you?

Now We Reign (a s f) by @oddinary4bts ⊹₊⋆ when working on a collab together makes you and Min Yoongi seek comfort with the other, you discover there’s more to life than loneliness. Only, hurdles mark your path in Min Yoongi’s life, and it’s unclear what the outcome will be. Will you be destroyed by him and his world, or will you learn to reign over it, together with him?

take five (a f) by @jiminrings ⊹₊⋆ you're min yoongi's nurse and you have a crush on him, and he gives you five chances to ask him out - he never said anything about accepting though.

The Final - Day 02 (s) by @yoongiofmine ⊹₊⋆ You've been Yoongi's go-to companion for the past few years, well aware that's all you were going to be. Despite your very real, growing feelings for the rapper, you took what you could get every time. Now, you're backstage at day two of the final leg of his tour when another member takes an interest in you. Will it be enough to make Yoongi realize he's got competition?

hello soulmate (f) by @bluemari23 ⊹₊⋆ your first day on the job doesn't turn out the exact way you envisioned

Sugar Rush Ride (s) by @lo1k-diamonds ⊹₊⋆ You produced a song based on your hidden desires for your fellow producer and promised yourself that tonight, things would change. You were done pining after him, but then he arrived at the listening party.

fuck being friends (a f s) by @strawberrynamjoon ⊹₊⋆ as if watching the guy you were hopelessly in love with hook up with another girl each weekend wasn’t enough, he also happened to be your best friend, making things extra complicated. and it only gets worse and worse once he finds you crying in the bathroom at a party one night.

Take One (s f) by @untaemedqueen ⊹₊⋆ There are three things which Yoongi was certain of. One, he was a big star in his field of work. Two, he had a huge cock, one to rival many of the largest names in his industry. Three, he can only find pleasure these days in written word. 

Illicit Favors (f s) by @yoongiofmine ⊹₊⋆ When your editor tells you to re-write the chapters of your book because the sex scenes are weak, suggesting you write them from experience, what do you do when you lack any kind of sexual experiences in general? You go to your friend and ask him for help with it.

Bet On It (s) by @minisugakoobies ⊹₊⋆ What's a little wager between enemies? How about if it's your body on the line?

subscribed (s f) by @aquagustd ⊹₊⋆ you find out that youtube isn’t the only site he uses to satisfy his subscribers. what do you do with that information?

[p0orbaby]

Squirrel? Squirrel!

summary: at this point, people just let you do what you want

warnings: nil

a/n: thanks for the request !

word count: 1.1k

-

You don’t remember the exact moment you decided that today was the day to catch a squirrel, but here you are, sprinting across the training grounds like a maniac. The squirrel, to its credit, looks mildly concerned, as if it didn’t sign up for this level of cardio.

Which it didn’t, but that’s none of your business.

“Why are you chasing a squirrel?” Leah shouts, barely managing to keep the exasperation out of her voice. She’s sometimes captain, which means she’s sometimes responsible for keeping things under control, a job made infinitely harder by your presence.

“I’m trying to help him,” you yell back, leaping over a stray football like you’re in some kind of Olympic hurdling event. “He looks lost!”

“Does he? Does he really?” Leah sounds like a woman on the edge, which is fair, because you’ve spent the last week convincing the new physio that the ice baths were secretly filled with pickled onions.

You’re aware that you’re the class clown of the team. If there were a formal title for it, it’d be embroidered on your jersey right under your number. The physio had been an easy target—too earnest, too eager to believe that a teenager could be trusted with serious information. You had explained with a straight face that, at Arsenal, there was a tradition of bathing in vinegar to promote circulation, and you had never seen someone look so horrified in your life. To your credit, you almost felt bad.

But not really.

Beth jogs up alongside you, her face equal parts amused and concerned, which seems to be the default expression of everyone when you’re around. “You know you’re gonna have to explain this one to Kim, right?”

“Kim loves me,” you reply, ducking as the squirrel makes a sharp turn towards the goalposts. “I’m like the daughter she never wanted”

“That’s definitely one way to put it,” Beth says, laughing as she matches your pace, which is not difficult because the squirrel is now dodging the goalposts with all the grace of a drunk toddler. “But seriously, what’s the plan here?”

The plan, if you could call it that, involves cornering the squirrel, giving it a lecture on the importance of proper nutrition (because that acorn it’s gnawing on looks suspiciously expired), and then setting it free like a wildlife warrior.

You don’t tell Beth this, though. You’ve learned that it’s best to keep your more ambitious plans to yourself until the very last minute, preferably right before they inevitably fail spectacularly.

“Improvisation is key,” you say instead, sounding like every PE teacher who’s ever tried to make dodgeball sound like a legitimate sport.

The squirrel skids to a stop by the water cooler, possibly considering hydration as a valid life choice, and you seize the opportunity to lunge at it. You miss by a good three feet, landing on the grass in a sprawl that would be embarrassing if it weren’t so common in your daily life.

From your new vantage point, you notice Lia sitting on the bench, watching the entire scene with the air of someone who has seen too much to be shocked by anything anymore. She’s eating an apple, slowly, methodically, like this is just another Tuesday.

“Need a hand?” she calls out, voice dripping with the kind of dry humor that you both appreciate and aspire to.

“Nah, I’m good,” you reply, dusting yourself off as you get back to your feet. The squirrel is now halfway up a tree, looking smug, which feels like a personal attack. “I’ve got him right where I want him”

“Yeah, sure looks like it,” Leah says, finally catching up to you. She’s slightly out of breath, and you make a mental note to tease her about her fitness levels later, but right now you’ve got bigger fish to fry, or squirrels to catch.

“Maybe we should let the squirrel go,” she suggests, putting a hand on your shoulder in a gesture that could either be comforting or restraining. You’re not entirely sure. “You know, before Jonas comes out and realises his star winger is trying to wrestle woodland creatures”

You consider this for a moment. The squirrel does seem pretty intent on staying in the tree, and you’re not sure how much longer you can keep up this level of enthusiasm. Plus, your last run-in with Jonas had involved a lengthy discussion about the dangers of free-climbing the goalposts after you’d tried to prove a point about your superior upper body strength.

“Fine,” you say with a sigh that’s more dramatic than necessary. “But only because I don’t want to give Kim another heart attack”

“Very noble of you,” Beth says, patting your back like you’ve just made a grand sacrifice.

You start to walk back towards the training pitch, the squirrel now a distant memory as you begin plotting your next escapade. Maybe something involving the team bus and a few dozen helium balloons.

As you’re contemplating the logistics, Leah pulls out her phone, probably to text Kim that the squirrel incident has been safely contained. “You’re a menace, you know that?”

“I prefer ‘misunderstood genius,’” you reply, grinning as you start jogging backwards, a skill you’ve mastered purely for moments like this.

“Sure, and I’m the Queen of England,” Leah retorts, finally cracking a smile.

“Does that make me the royal jester?” you ask, doing a little bow as you reach the training pitch.

“More like the royal pain in my-”

“Language, Leah!” you interrupt, mockingly covering your ears. “There are children present!”

“Yeah, one of them’s standing right in front of me,” Leah shoots back, but she’s laughing now, and you know you’ve won this round.

As the rest of the team regroups, you spot Kim making her way over, her expression a mixture of bemusement and something that might be resignation. You wonder how many more years you’ve shaved off her life expectancy.

“Y/N, do I even want to know?” She asks, though you suspect he already knows the answer.

“Probably not,” you admit cheerfully, shrugging like the whole thing is no big deal. “But I’m open to discussing it over lunch”

Kim sighs deeply, the kind of sigh that says she’s seriously reconsidering her life choices. “Just…try to focus on the actual training today, alright?”

“Absolutely,” you say with a solemn nod, crossing your fingers behind your back where she can’t see them.

As the team heads back to practice, you catch Beth giving you a knowing look. “What?” you ask, feigning innocence.

“I’m just wondering what you’ll come up with next,” she says, shaking her head in amusement.

“Oh, don’t worry,” you reply, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “I’ve got plenty more where that came from”

[sunrise-imagines]

I need adult Finn AND farmworld Finn to kiss me on the mouth immediately

Yayyy my first poly fic! And same omg. Hope you enjoy!

Poly! Adult Finn x Reader x Farmworld Finn Relationship Headcanons

• Although they’re technically the same person, Finn and FW Finn are very different, especially in personality, so making a relationship with the both of them work will be difficult.

• First hurdle to get over is what to call them, since they have the same name and all. Both of them think that they should be the main “Finn”, but you manage to find a compromise with FW Finn going by his full name “Finnian”.

• Both of them are obviously in love with you, but as for how they feel about each other, it’s more of mutual respect/brotherly kind of affection, like Finn had with Fern. They’re able to understand each other on a different level, practically able to read each other’s minds, which can be both endearing and creepy at times.

• Finnian does most of the cooking, as Finn doesn’t know how to make anything but meatloaf.

• Finn is a blanket hog so you have to get really close to him while you sleep, which isn’t too bad as he’s also a human heater. Luckily Finnian prefers to sleep without a blanket, as he’s used to cooler temperatures (we can all guess why)

• It takes Finnian a while to introduce you both to his kids, as he isn’t sure of how to approach the topic of having two partners, let alone one of them being an alternate version of himself. Eventually he introduces you as his girlfriend/boyfriend/partner and Finn as his long lost brother. Jay knows the true nature of your relationship, but he told him to keep it a secret from his younger siblings for now, until they’re a little older.

• Finn definitely cried when he first met FW Jake, who immediately waddled over to sit in his lap.

• You like to take baths together, as both of them have a habit of forgetting to take care of themselves for long periods of time (stinky boys). Both of them love it when you wash their hair.

• They both love the outdoors so expect Finn to take all of you adventuring together. Finnian is a lot less excited about combat, but he’s ready and willing to defend you if need be.

• They take turns kissing you one after the other, Finn usually initiating first with Finnian following up after him.

• Finn is much more able to be emotionally available and talk things through with you when you’re upset, and it’s not that Finnian doesn’t care about you, he does. He’s just still reeling with his own emotional issues and he doesn’t know what to say. He’s always there if you need someone to just hold you though.

• They bicker a lot over what they think is best for you, and you have to remind them that while you love them both dearly, you’re your own person who can make decisions for themself. They both sulk a bit but in the end they apologize and make up.

• Yeah you’re just one big chaotic family and it’s great that you have two men who are willing to go to hell and back for you <3

[bg-brainrot]

"When He’s all but Forgotten How to Love Again" - Astarion x GN!Reader - Series Masterlist

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader (Elf!Tav for plot reasons)

Genre: Reincarnation, Angst, Mystery, Slow burn

Rating: Explicit, 18+

Tags: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, POV Second Person, Canon-Typical Violence, cw: blood, cw: Astarion's entire backstory, cw: sex, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Eventual Fluff, Grief, Mourning, Developing Relationship

Series WC: 113k words and ongoing, 21/?? chapters

Summary: An Elf-Tav reincarnation story where Reincarnated!Tav dreams about Astarion in their nightly reveries and eventually seeks him out once they reach maturity. Things definitely totally go well.

Author’s Notes: I'm bringing over some of my multi-chapter fics from AO3, so if you've already read this, ty!! I love you and appreciate you so much! I will continue to add chapters as I format them, but the full fic is available on AO3 here if you're feeling like a binge.

Heads up-- while there will be explicit moments, this is first and foremost focused on romantic tension and yearning, asking the question: 'Would you still love me if I was someone completely different?’ Explicit scenes will be few and far between and very much focused on their feelings. It’s essentially an established relationship slow burn?

This has unascended Astarion, “good” choices are made in the original timeline, Tav needs to be an elf for this to work, but otherwise no specifics on past Tav. Present day Tav is a magic-user.

Chapters:

Chapter 1: Knifes and Nightmares

At 12 years old, you first dream of the Pale Elf. The encounter scares you and sets you on your path forward.

Chapter 2: The Second Encounter with the Pale Elf

Nearly 19, you think you have a handle of your past lives. However, not all of your past lives are created equal.

Chapter 3: What it Means to Love

Now 29, you're still trying to piece together parts of your past. In particular, what exactly was your relationship with Astarion?

Chapter 4: In this Lifetime

Now 99-years-old, you've managed to ignore your worst impulses to run off to Baldur's Gate. One night's reverie finally breaks you.

Chapter 5: Guidance from a Druid

After finally setting off to find Astarion, you receive a confounding memory from your past life. Ignoring what it might mean, you focus on your task and visiting Halsin, one of your past-self's friends.

Chapter 6: The Man of your Dreams

You make your way toward Astarion, trying your best to prepare for the encounter to come.

Chapter 7: Just One Night

You plead your case to the vampire.

Chapter 8: Who You Have Become

You try to learn more of who Astarion's become, while also trying to convince him of who you were.

Chapter 9: Ghosts of You

After he storms off, you try to track Astarion down only to find yourself on a trip down memory lane. Once you do catch his trail, you’re surprised to see where he’s gone.

Chapter 10: Overheard in the Underdark

You traverse a new landscape, looking for Astarion. What you find might be more than you bargain for, and what you hear might be too much to handle.

Chapter 11: An Interrogation

You spend the night in vampire prison and have a difficult conversation.

Chapter 12: The Source of his Pain

As you aim to leave and never look back, Astarion realizes that perhaps *he's* the one that made the mistake.

Chapter 13: And They Were Roommates

You and Astarion try to find a common ground between you. Things are awkward and tentative, and progress is anything but linear.

Chapter 14: A Blossoming Friendship

Now in your second week of living together, you and Astarion have to get past some of the hurdles your first week introduced, all while getting a bit closer along the way.

Chapter 15: More than Friends Pt. 1

Push finally comes to shove. As fun as living in the present is, Astarion forgets that present dangers are still very, very real. Afterward, emotions run high, and you find yourself in a familiar predicament.

Chapter 16: More than Friends Pt. 2

After talking through the previous night's tryst, emotions are confused, pasts are divulged, and everything comes to a head when your heart and soul want different things.

Chapter 17: What We are Now

When you’re left to your own devices, you find yourself knee-deep in mystery. Despite all of this, Astarion never leaves your mind. And perhaps you never leave his.

Chapter 18: Traveling with a Friend

You and Astarion travel together to Waterdeep. Emotions run high as you reconnect and reestablish your boundaries.

Chapter 19: The Wizard’s Tower

After traveling through Waterdeep, you and Astarion finally arrive at Gale's tower. Introductions are made, tours are had, and the relationship between yourself and Astarion continues to remain complicated.

Chapter 20: Sweets and Shopping

After receiving some advice from Gale, you and Astarion spend the day shopping and talking through your friendship.

Chapter 21: Dansarra’s Delights

Your wizard friend gives you a nigh impossible task, and you spend the day trying to find your opening to complete it.

Chapter 22 - TBA

...

[garaksapprentice]

Sewing Zero Waste Culottes from The Craft of Clothes

Zero Waste Culottes From The Craft of Clothes

Behold! Fancy pants!

The pattern for these pants was one of my Christmas gifts. It comes from Liz at The Craft of Clothes, a zero-waste designer. I've really gravitated towards self-drafting and zero-waste sewing in the last couple of years, and this pattern has been on my list for a good six months, so I was excited to get into it.

Drafting

The first step (after reading the pattern through twice) is drafting the pattern pieces.

My biggest starting hurdle was deciphering "the culottes are designed to sit on your waist" when choosing the correct pattern size. Most designers consider "the waist" to be the teapot - that is, the true waist. (It's easiest to find if you bend to the side and stick your hand in the crease - like you're singing "I'm a little teapot".) But some consider belly button height to be "the waist". I generally wear my pants at the latter height, and there's a good 2" circumference difference between those two for me.

I eventually decided to call my belly button my waist, on the grounds that that's where I prefer to wear my pants. It's also easier to take seams in than out, if I guessed wrong.

Decisions over, it was smooth sailing from there. Pattern drafting is not a technically difficult process, as long as you have good instructions, and Liz's patterns definitely fit that bill. But there's a lot of attention to detail required to make sure the end result is good. That sort of thing always makes me nervous. Fortunately there was only two pattern pieces to draft, and they're 98% straight lines and based off rectangles.

Interestingly, this is the first zero-waste pattern I've tried that has you draft pattern pieces to use. The others I've seen (most by the creator of this pattern - our library had a copy of her book, Zero Waste Sewing) have had you draw directly on your piece of fabric to create the layout. (In fairness, I didn't have to draft my own pieces. The pattern came with the option of self-drafting, printing on A4, or printing on A0.)

I much prefer the direct-draw method to faffing about with pattern pieces. But given that this pattern is designed to have the pieces tesselate, having a set of physical pattern pieces does make more sense. It's also got me wondering if I could successfully make a pair out of old jeans legs, using one leg per pattern piece. But then, I'm always looking for ways to use up my denim pile...

Sewing

I prefer structure rather than flow in my butt coverings, so I was somewhat limited in my fabric choices for this first pair. (I know the fabric I really want to use, but I am being a sensible apprentice and trying things out on a nice-but-less-hideously-expensive fabric first.) Most of my stash acquisition has focused on stuff for shirts, since I wear those out faster than pants. I eventually settled on this nice brick red, 100% cotton, table cloth.

The picture is suffering from sun exposure. It's nowhere near this bright in person.

I laid out the pieces and huzzah! The fabric was just big enough! ... But only if I unpicked the hems (they're monsters, a full 3 cm/1.2" each side) and ironed them flat first. Thus, it was time for a marathon unpicking and ironing session.

After that was done, I checked the pattern fit again. Huzzah! I had enough space for all the pattern pieces, and not very much scrap left over once I'd cut them all out. (Of course, it was late and I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been, so I didn't add an extra inch when I was forced to cut the waistband in two pieces. There was enough extra fabric that this was only an annoyance and not a complete disaster.)

The fabric at the top is scrap. All but a few inches of the stuff on the right became waist bands and plackets.

Sewing was a fairly straightforward exercise, though it required enough brainpower that I completely forgot to take any progress shots as I went. Almost every step of the pattern comes with a diagram to show you what to do, which helped me immensely. So did having the seam allowances specified at each point, as there's three different ones used in different places.

That's not to say I didn't screw up, of course. While sewing the crotch seam, I somehow managed to close up the front of the pants entirely and leave a gap for the placket open at the back. (That will teach me not to double check the direction the pockets are facing before I pin and sew that seam. Maybe.) 

I also made a highly decorative and completely awful to sew with choice for topstitching thread, which I quickly became too stubborn to stop using. So the topstitching is, uh, not great. But it is purple and sparkly, and if I'd had any sense at all I would have left it til last (or even done some sort of hand embroidery with it).

I was tricked by the first line of stitching being so easy. LIES. It was all lies.

Why should I have left it til last? Because it turns out that the culottes are, in fact, designed to sit on one's true waist. Which meant I had a two inch difference between what I needed to fit me, and what the waist measurement was. If I hadn't top stitched the panels, I could have simply ran another line of stitching down the seams that didn't have pockets in the way, and taken the waist in without much fuss or bother. Unfortunately, I didn't do that, so I was left with two choices.

Take out the topstitching and take in all the panels, bitching and moaning about the effort I went to and the number of times the topstitch thread broke while I was sewing the stupid sparkly goodness onto things.

Work out how to take the waist in by the necessary two inches, using only the crotch seam and maybe some darts or pleats or something.

Choice #1 would have been the logical, rational decision, so of course I went with option #2.

An hour and change of basting, pinning and unpinning the waistband, and completely forgetting how seam allowances work later, I managed to get a fit I was happy enough with. I ended up grading in a dart-like object at the centre back. (If I decide later that I'm not happy with the fit after all, I'll try out the modification for adding elastic to the back waistband that the pattern also includes. Probably while questioning my life choices and lamenting the amount of time I spend with a seam ripper in hand.)

The original stitching line is in blue, the new one is in black.

After all that fitting woe, I wasn't in the mood to try buttonholes (my good machine, the one with the automatic buttonholer, is currently out of action). Instead I dove into my snap stash to close the placket.

I love using bright, vivid colours for inner details. It's the sewing equivalent of wearing leopard print underwear.

A nice bonus of using the snaps is that I could put them through just the placket, leaving the fly front clean. This did make the placket pull slightly when I'm wearing the pants, exposing a trace of bright red. I fixed that by invisibly whip-stitching through the placket and outer fabric to hold everything in place. Next time I'll also double check the understitching, and topstitch the edge if needed, before installing the snaps.

Field Test and Adjustments

Trying stuff on as you go is all well and good, but nothing tells you what you really need to fix like being out in the field. I quickly discovered several things:

The waistband needs serious help to stay where it's supposed to be. Which, y'know, I did make a size larger than I should have. This was not surprising.

The crotch needs to either drop a wee bit or (preferably) rise a couple of inches. The latter will likely spoil the skirt-effect somewhat, but it will be far more comfortable for my legs.

I need a loop on the waistband to hold my keys.

For the waist woes, I had a few choices - 1) belt loops, 2) suspenders, or 3) add elastic to the back waistband. Belt loops are fiddly to make and sew on, but would solve the key-hanging issue. Suspenders technically wouldn't need any sewing changes, but the clip-on style are notorious for pulling off when you're doing things. And while the pattern includes instructions for adding elastic to the waistband, I wasn't confident it would do the job I wanted (I stick a fair amount of junk in my pockets and elastic can't always cope with the weight).

After some dithering, I went with the suspender option for this pair. I like the look of them, and the "floating" effect they give when they pull the waistband a bit above where gravity wants it to sit is extremely comfortable. But I didn't want to deal with clips always popping off. So I indulged in a quick side-quest of improving my suspenders, then sewed buttons into the waistband of the culottes.

This used to hold the clips, but the wire was easy to bend flat with needle-nose pliers.

Gee, I wonder which buttonhole I did first?

Fashion Show

Overall, I'm quite happy with how it all came together. I'll definitely be making at least two more pairs - the "men's" version (less flare in the hems), likely out of recycled denim, and a pair in heavyweight stash linen.

The back panel adjustment is basically unnoticeable.

They have great range of movement - maybe I need to make a workout pair?

And I even have somewhere to hang my keys.

This post was originally published on my blog, Garak's Apprentice . I currently syndicate my content at Micro.blog, Tumblr, and Ko-Fi.

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[georgiapeach30513]

Peach! Mrs. Pasta here...checking in for the second time in a few days!

Normally I just lurk in and smile to myself when I see your posts and banters with your followers. But tonight I just couldn't resist...

Ramen, bless him, is getting really good at the non-specific, vague-turnaround, deflective answers to personal questions! I'm impressed.

Also...Nobody keeps their hands more to themselves than Ramen does when he's around a lot of salty things. Is he on a low-sodium diet? Is that why he exercises such great self-control when it comes to these things? TBF, he's very gentlemanly when it comes to being around women, especially costars/colleagues.

I can see (most) people on here are either tired, upset, tired, over it, or a combination of both. I can understand that, especially for the mods that run these blogs. I notice that for a lot of people, separation of professional and personal for their favorite celebrity can be a difficult task. I don't blame anyone for feeling that way, it can be hard to "not think about THAT" when you just want to enjoy "THIS". I will say this though.

Something I have found time and again to be true, is that IF something/someone/someplace is meant for you, things will fall into place. If something is NOT meant for you, no matter what you do, things tend to fall apart. You can try and put it back together, but then something else falls. This has happened to me personally recently, where I was in a situation where I wanted to make something work because I thought I had no other choice and I didn't really want to rock the boat further and go searching for something else. Unfortunately, the more I tried, the more I compromised and kept on staying, the worse it got. I'd fix one thing, another would break. I'd get over one hurdle, another inconvenience would pop up. Finally, I decided to take matters in my own hands and started actually listening to what the universe was trying to guide me towards. It was very hard for me to do this, as I'm more of a logical/rational person, than a spiritual one (I don't really like reading signs or feeling energies to tell me what to do)...But I tried a different approach, and started asking the universe, "If this isn't right, what should I do?" And I would listen and wait, and then tangible things would happen, and then I started making different decisions and taking different approaches. Almost immediately, things started changing for the better. I'm in a much better place now (figuratively and literally).

Just some food for thought: Let things play out. They will. And hindsight is always 20/20. Think about it. I believe Anne's blog has a library that can be helpful for those interested. If all else fails, keep coming to Jen's blog where she posts stories, baking, and general hilarity to keep everyone's spirits up. You are truly a beautiful soul, Miss GeorgiaPeach! <3

Mrs. Pasta! Welcome back. Clearly, your presence has been much needed this past week. Which I do say that there is a reason one shouldn’t consume too much sodium. I suppose were all bloated, and now need to fast.

Ramen is quite smart. He’s playing it coy and vague, non-definite answers. He’s doing good, despite a quick facial change with some questions. It’s funny to watch.

For someone that is quite a gentleman and claims to love PDA his hands do seem quite to himself. But it is a family movie after all, wouldn’t want to be too obvious, I suppose.

I think a lot of people are tired, and more so tired of ongoing arguments that suck the life out of the fandom, much like an overly salted diet. So maybe it’s just the influx of salt that has everyone red in the face? But this is why I implore anyone to curate the space that you want. Filter tags, block blogs, unfollow blogs, create the space that you watch to see with personalities that jive well with your own.

The universe is quite a tricky lady. She usually makes way for things that are for you. Usually when you try to fit a square peg in a round hole, you’re met with resistance. You can sit there, and smile you’re doing it, but others around you will eventually be able to see that you are in fact creating a bigger problem with an impossible task. I’m glad you were able to get to a better place once you listened, and were aware that what you’re forcing isn’t for you.

I do think that hindsight is 20/20. There always seems to be something poking around that pops up at the last minute. Eventually things either fall into place, or you’ve created a big mess. @anneslibrary is a great well of information. And of course @annislittleshopofhorrors herself is a peach in her own right. You are a beautiful soul from the inside out as well, Mrs. Pasta. Take care, and never feel afraid to pop on by when you can.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 8 The worlds a little blurry

Chapter 8 of Sugar

A/N- I’m not saying to keep the training scene with Satoru in mind, but do it because it will come into play later?

Warning- Swearing, fluff, ANGST!!!, VIOLENCE, Blood and gore, death, spoilers, long chapter.

Pairing- Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader, Choso x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode- Half of 2x05

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A YEAR LATER. 2007*

“Here we go!” Shoko exclaims before she and Suguru hurl school supplies at your brother. And of course, only the eraser hits his forehead, whilst the pencil Suguru threw stops because of Satoru’s infinity.

Which is ridiculous by the way, he’s much harder to torment with his infinity on all the time nowadays.

“Yeah, it’s working,” Satoru says as he grabs the floating pencil.

“Ugh,” Shoko groans. “What the heck was that?”

“Automatic selection of targets for your Jujutsu technique?” Suguru questions from behind you.

Satoru nods. “Yup. Though, to be precise I’m the target for the technique,” he explains, making you sigh out of boredom and lean back against Suguru’s legs.

Why does your brother want you here again? To watch him show off? It’s really annoying when he doesn’t explain things right off the bat.

“I’ve automated what I used to do manually,” he continues to say. “Now it can discern an object's danger level based on the strength of its cursed energy, its mass, its velocity, and its shape. I’d like to get it to discern poisons, too, but that’s still proving to be difficult. This will allow me to keep my Limitless technique active almost perpetually with minimal resources.”

“Having it perpetually active will fry your brain,” Shoko points out exactly what you worried about when he told you a couple days back.

“But I can also keep running the reverse cursed technique with the energy I generate on my own,” Satoru explains to her exactly what he told you. “So I’m constantly giving it a fresh brain to work with. I’d already been working on shortening my hand seals. That’s nailed now, too. So I can also activate multiple instances of Blue and Red simultaneously. The only remaining hurdles are Domain Expansion and teleportation over long distances. I should be able to get that down if we set up some courses without any obstacles in Jujutsu High. Shoko,” he calls out and leans forward. “Could you lend me some lab rats?”

“Uh…” she questions. “Well, you have y/n here.”

You furrow your eyebrows and throw your hands up slightly to retort. “Hey!”

Shoko snickers and you roll your eyes before you then shoot your brother a smirk. “What about my cursed technique? Will you learn to protect yourself against me?” You tease him. “With the right amount of power I could definitely break through your infinity.”

Satoru turns his head towards you and tilts his head down before he scoffs. “As if,” he counters smugly. “You’d never be able to hurt me.”

You don’t let that tear you down, you actually grow smug too. “I don’t know man, the air definitely can. I am getting stronger.”

So much so that just last week you got assigned to a mission with your brother, and Yaga says you’ll get assigned to more together because he says your techniques work well together. Which must mean something because the only way your brother and you get assigned to missions together is for the rare group missions you get assigned to.

You still are getting assigned with Nanami and Haibara because you are in the same class, and your teamwork is absurdly well. But it does seem like you’re finally growing strength wise.

It makes you wonder what your parents think about it?

“Well we’ll see won’t we?” Satoru counters your comment. “That’s actually why I asked you to be here,” he finally reveals. “I need you to hit me with your cursed technique.”

You pull your shades down and grin at him. “Oh? You should’ve said that from the beginning!” You exclaim and push yourself away from Suguru to summon air to your hand as you raise it to get ready to lash at him.

However, he throws the eraser at you as he interjects. “Not yet, idiot.”

You pout with disappointment and watch the eraser fall at your feet.

“Suguru,” Satoru calls out next. “Have you lost weight? You okay?”

Your smile fades at the sound of his comment, and when you peer back at your boyfriend you frown with pity. He looks exhausted—well you’ve noticed that he’s looked exhausted for a while now. Just like you’ve noticed that he’s lost weight too.

You like to think it’s just overwork, getting assigned to missions alone must be exhausting, but the truth is you’ve noticed that something has been wrong with Suguru a couple of months after Toji Fushiguro killed Riko; after you entered that damn non-sorcerer cult who cheered over the death of an innocent girl. At first it was subtle signs like sleepless nights, things that you told yourself not to worry about, stuff he told you not to worry about. But he then began to grow distant with your friends, with you. He often lacked motivation, he didn’t show affection, and if he did it almost felt forced, like it cost him a lot of energy.

Suguru also smiled a lot less, and his eyes…his dark eyes have begun to look dull. You try and try to make him feel better, you try to help him in any way you can without pressuring him, but he keeps pushing you away. He’s like a…fading light at the end of a tunnel, no matter how much you want it to reach it, the light grows smaller and smaller.

It hurts, it really does, but he’s not accepting help, so you’re respecting his choice and just trying your best to be there for him in the best way you can. You love him after all. You don’t want to give up on him.

“It’s just heat fatigue,” Suguru assures Satoru. “I’ll be fine.”

“Did you eat too much somen?” Satoru asks cluelessly. Which leads you to wonder if he’s finally noticed Suguru’s distance too. You have brought up your concern for Suguru, but Satoru brushed you off saying Suguru was just exhausted. You’ve never tried since. Especially because as of late Satoru is often busy. Being the strongest comes with a lot of responsibility after all.

You just hope Suguru will feel better soon, that he’ll let you help him at the very least.

“Anyway, y/n, hit me.” Satoru calls for your attention, but you let your eyes linger on Suguru.

He seems to notice and meets your gaze, so you offer him a soft smile. Suguru blinks in surprise before he gives you a faint half smile before he looks away again and loses his gaze on Satoru.

It makes you want to embrace him, give him a small peck, or pull him aside, but your brother steals your attention again. “Hit me with something small, something normal.”

You swallow back before you sigh and return your attention to your brother. “Define normal?” You pick on his comment since it makes no sense.

“Just hit me with your air whiplash,” he explains in annoyance. “Something not too strong, just something you use on, uh, low curses.”

You blow out air and effortlessly summon air to form on your palm, causing the dirt and dust on the ground to pick up softly.

“Okay,” you warn your brother. “Here it goes.” You then proceed to fling your wrist. And just as the orb leaves your hand you manage to maneuver it into a curved line that you lash out at him instead.

But of course the air doesn’t even touch him, it breaks apart around him and flutters away.

“See you can’t touch me,” Satoru rebuttals with a cocky smirk.

You scoff with discontent and stand up. “Okay, all powerful sorcerer, let me hit you with all I got,” you challenge him as you begin to summon more air to your palm.

Satoru snickers and lifts his chin. “Hit me with all you got sis.”

You shoot him a grin and make the still air turn to strong gusts of wind that make Shoko shield her head from the dirt you pick up. You then shift a foot back and draw in a deep breath as the orb in your hand grows.

Satoru places a hand on his hip and looks at you with nonchalance which gets you fired up.

“We are in a courtyard you two,” Shoko points out loudly so she can be heard over the howling wind. “Whatever you break you have to replace—then again it’s not like it’ll make a dent in your money.”

“Ready?” You ask Satoru.

Your brother nods, but just before you can hit him you get a message so you check that first and actually lose all concentration as you see that it's an old non-sorcerer friend.

“Oh my god!” You exclaim. “Satoru guess who just texted me?!” You run over to him and show him the name on the phone. “It’s Suki!” You face your friends and grin. “Suki is Satoru’s ex-girlfriend from our junior high days.”

“Oh right!” Your brother exclaims. “She was your best friend, I completely blanked.”

You roll your eyes and scoff. “Yeah, my best friend, I told you not to date.”

Shoko slouches as she snickers. “Please tell me you got him back for that.”

You flash her a grin and skip back to her. “Oh totally, I dated this rival he had, he was—”

“An asshole,” Satoru finishes for you, which you agree to.

“But,” you add. “He did have long dark red hair he’d dye all the time,” you say thoughtfully whilst you put your phone away.

“Long hair?” Shoko questions. “Oh so it’s like that?”

You blink in confusion and query. “What?”

Shoko glances back at Suguru and snickers. “Oh nothing. Just an observation.”

You look at Suguru, and he meets your gaze to share the same confusion. Albeit his confusion isn’t so prominent on his face.

“I don’t understand,” you mutter and glance back at Shoko. “Elaborate.”

“Well isn’t it obvious you have a thing for guys with…” before you can finish hearing what she had to say her voice trails off as you get startled by an arm thrown around your throat.

There’s only one person not accounted for in front of you; your fucking brother. So it isn’t hard to guess who it was.

“Get the fuck off me you psycho!” You grimace as you grip his arm to try and pull it off.

Your brother chuckles. “You said you wanted to train more. I have time, we’re training.”

You try to kick back, but he easily evades your kicks.

“Satoru,” Suguru finally breaks his silence.

Said man groans. “Don’t worry, Suguru, I'm just helping her because an enemy will never announce when they’re moving against you now will they—“ he comes to a sudden halt as you bite down on his arm after you realize his infinity is off.

It’s the only way his arm would actually touch you.

“What the hell?!” Satoru exclaims and lets go of you to walk back in disbelief. “Did you bite me?”

You do what he wanted this time and summon fast and strong gusts of air to your hand quicker than before. You then spin around without warning and lash it out at him.

You can’t tell if it hit him at all because you proceed to charge at him.

Just before you can reach him though you jump up high above the buildings that surround you. Satoru doesn’t hesitate to smirk before he steps back and jumps up too to try and meet you halfway in mid-air. However, before he can reach you, you counter him by spinning around in the air as you summon wind to your foot to lash out a sharp and strong curved line of air from your foot.

And it seems that some gusts of wind seem to travel through the infinity because he falters in the air.

Nevertheless, it’s not enough to knock him back to the ground or catch him completely off guard because just as you’re turning your body to face him again in the air, your brother grabs ahold of your ankle and quickly flips you around to throw you back to the ground.

And since he is a lot stronger and faster you fail at landing on your feet and land on your back.

The impact hurts, but you muster a playful smile before he lands over you and immediately grabs you by the collar of your jumpsuit to lift your head off the ground.

“Satoru,” Shoko calls out with worry while he raises his fist over you.

Neither of you try to assure her, you look into each other's eyes with no ill feeling, just playful undertones as you wait for him to land a finishing hit.

He doesn’t however, he hesitates, so you take advantage of this moment and gather air to your hand before you slam your hand on his throat, causing him to be thrown back whilst the air in his lungs is knocked out.

“Fuck,” you chuckle and push yourself up, seeing that your brother only landed a foot away from you since your techqinue isn’t strong, and well, he is strong.

“That was a rush. You like that move though?” You ask as you walk over to him. “I call it a knockout. As long as I can touch your throat I can use my cursed technique to throw you back and manipulate the air in your body to knock it out of your lungs.” You chuckle. “Of course, it only works if that person or thing has cursed energy. Otherwise, pft.” You stop and see your brother catching his breath.

“You hesitated,” you point out smugly before you offer him your hand.

Satoru sighs with defeat, but he doesn’t hesitate to slap his hand on yours to let you help him up.

Once he’s on his feet his frown breaks into a proud grin. “Are you okay?” He asks as he slaps his hands on your shoulders.

You nod. “Nothing RCT won’t fix,” you assure him, and instinctively put your hand back so he can give you a high-five.

“Nice work,” he compliments you. “Of course sloppy but good thinking. Plus some of that air did touch me.”

“Well,” you point out as you begin to walk back to your friends now standing on the stone steps. “Air travels fast. So I'm not surprised some gusts of air did touch you. I mean I know it’s not much, but it is some.”

“Keep working on that,” he adds. “And you’ll actually be able to knock me down.”

You smile and turn around to walk back and face him. “Don’t make yourself an easy target though,” you tell him. “It doesn’t matter if I’m your sister.”

Satoru laughs softly. “Trust me I won’t,” he rebuttals.

You reach the step below Suguru and spin around on your heels to face him. However, you notice that he’s on his phone so you wait to speak to him.

“I’ll just say this,” Shoko interjects. “I'm sure a lot of people would pay a lot of money to watch you two fight.”

You lean towards Suguru to press your cheek against his shoulder as you respond to Shoko. “If I were to win, would you quit smoking?” You tease her.

Shoko narrows her gaze on you for a moment while she thinks.

“If you lose, would you smoke?” She rebuttals.

You laugh. “You sound like an addict. Answer me first.” Because jokes on her, you've already smoked with Suguru. You didn’t like the smell it left on your fingers, but you didn’t feel as disgusted that time.

“Fine,” Shoko says with a sigh. “If you were to win I would quit smoking.”

You smile at her brightly. “Ah, good then I’ll make sure to win,” you assure her. Which probably is no comfort at all to her, but you still do so confidently.

“I’d like to see that,” Satoru taunts.

“You will,” you remark. “I’ll beat you. One day.”

Satoru laughs softly and nods. “All right I like the sound of that.”

You smile softly and then back up to look at Suguru.

He has his phone down now and looks at you this time around. Albeit there's something off about the way he looks at you right now that makes your heart jump with gut-wrenching worry.

“I have to leave for my mission now,” he announces to you and the others.

You sigh sadly. “It’s already time?” You complain.

Suguru hums in agreement softly and focuses solely on you now. “Can we talk before I leave?”

Your smile falters as you detect how much colder his voice is. “Yeah, sure,” you answer hesitantly.

Suguru nods softly before he takes your hand and begins pulling you away gently.

“Be careful, Suguru!” Saturo yells out. “Text me!”

Suguru throws back a wave to his friend and doesn’t bother to look back. He doesn't bother to make conversation with you either, and since you feel worry grow within you, you stay quiet too.

It’s only once you're in the tunnel exit that he finally stops walking and faces you with that same gloomy look. Albeit now he can’t even meet you in the eyes.

“Is everything okay?” You ask softly as you grab ahold of his bicep.

Suguru nods stiffly. “Yeah,” he mutters.

You don’t believe him, but you know you won’t get anything else, so you move on. “How long is your mission? You didn’t tell me. Maybe we can do something when you come back home?” You ask.

Suguru swallows thickly and shakes his head. “Y/N...I don’t think this going to work.”

You scoff softly. “I can go to your room, that’s fine. I can even have some food waiting for you. Hm?”

“No,” he counters softly and slowly lifts his gaze to look at you with a long frown and a sorrowful look. “I mean, we have to break up.”

The smile on your smile immediately falls, and your heart sinks. You know you heard him right, there’s nothing going around you to make you mishear him, but you still don’t want to believe those tragic words that just came out of his mouth. “I,” you gasp and let go of his arm. “I don’t understand.”

Tears fill your eyes, and your mind itself begins to race, leaving no room for coherent thoughts.

“D-did I do something wrong?” You ask as you fight the need to cry. “I know things haven’t been the same but Suguru I can help you, just let me help you, please.”

Suguru let’s out a deep breath and looks at the ground to shake his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong, y/n

I need you to understand that,” he says and meets your gaze. “You were good, I just…I can’t do this anymore. You deserve better than me.”

Better than him? What does that even mean? He is good, he’s the best, he’s your world.

“No,” you argue and step forward to pull his hand out of his pockets. “I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. Suguru…please talk to me, I’m right here, please.”

Suguru steps back and sighs. “I can’t,” he continues to say. “I can’t drag you along with me anymore. I’m letting you go, y/n. It’s for you own good.”

Tears slip out of your eyes and frustration begins to grow within you over his vague explanations. “You’re being selfish,” you remark. “What do you know about what I need? You keep pushing me away. Everytime…every single time I-I try to get close you push me away. So you can’t tell me what I need.”

Due to your upbringing, it’s hard for you to express yourself in any way, anger, happiness, sadness. Satoru has kind of changed that because he lets you talk to him, but even then when you get frustrated expressing yourself is hard and usually turns to tears. So to express this kind of anger without breaking into a sobbing mess is truly significant. It even surprises you, but anger is all you can feel at this very moment as you face the man you love, as you try to progress the words he’s using to break your heart, as you look into his dark eyes that hide sorrow behind that hard serious expression.

“What I need,” you mutter and step forward with more tears. “Is for you to give me a good reason. We said we’d be honest, please be honest with me.” You clutch your chest and look at him helplessly and hurt. “Please, Suguru.”

Said man holds your gaze for a second before he averts his eyes and nods stiffly. “I did tell you the truth. That was it. I can’t be with you, and you can’t be with me. Not as I am, so please just let it go. For your own sake, y/n.”

You feel physically ill, like you’re going to throw up, or have some kind of attack with the way your heart is racing.

“So that’s it then? That shitty ass excuse?” You cry softly and step back. “Look at me,” you whisper as if you’re out of breath.

Suguru blinks and does as you ask.

“Is that it?” You ask whilst you begin to hear tires approach at the end of the tunnel.

Suguru doesn’t say anything, but you leave him space to explain himself, to give you something better than what you got. You deserve something better, no? All the love you have, the memories you share, the moments you lived need to mean something, no?

You express that all with your watery gaze and with your lips parted ready to fight back. And you know he knows that.

But even still, he leaves you just like that.

“Okay. I…” you try to find something to say but all your anger disappears now just as fast as it came. “I,” that’s all you can muster in your disbelief and growing ache.

“Y/N,” Suguru whispers.

You sniffle and look to see the manager pull up to take Suguru away to his mission, so you step back with your lips parted and your hands trembling.

Suguru steps forward to try and what? Assure you after he broke your heart?

Fuck him.

You turn around and storm away without letting him say anything else, without saying anything else yourself.

You just can’t think anymore, it all hurts, this pain like no other completely overwhelms you to the point you can’t even shed another tear.

You know he’s struggling with something he doesn’t want to say, but you thought he’d be someone who didn’t give up regardless. You thought he’d be someone to give you something more than some shitty excuse, but he wasn’t, he isn’t.

He ended it just like that, everything, a years worth of a relationship is over because of something you don’t even know about. Some selfish reason.

It’s all over…

So what do you do now? You don’t know what to do. You can’t go back to where Satoru is, you’ll break and you don’t want to break and start drama. You can’t go on a mission today because you didn’t get assigned to one. You need to do something…

“Y/N!” You hear Shoko shout.

Shit, shit.

You stop just before you can reach the dorms and draw in a deep breath to try and hide your agony. You can’t cry, so it should be good. Right?

“Back already?” Your friend laughs as she catches up to you. “I’m surprised.”

You exhale and slap on a nonchalant look before you turn and face her with a tiny smile. “Yeah,” you breathe out. “I’m back.”

Shoko stops before you and meets your gaze with a smirk. You smile at her but as you look into your friends eyes your smile begins to tremble and those tears that dried up due to your disbelief come rushing back.

Shoko notices right away and her face falls with concern. “Whoa, is everything okay?” She asks right away and reaches her hand over to grab your arm.

You part your lips and fight your tears as you nod. Shoko scoffs and holds your gaze to try and read what has you on the brink of tears after you saw someone who never fails to make you smile.

She struggles a bit but she then understands what happened without needing you to explain. You wouldn't be crying otherwise.

“Oh,” she breathes out and doesn’t fail to throw her arms around you, causing you to finally break and sob—“he’s an asshole. He is.”

You try to speak, but nothing comes out but a soft whimper as you hug her back tightly.

“Come on,” she whispers and pulls back with her hand sliding down to grab yours. “Let’s go inside. I have all your favorite things in there.”

You’ve had girl friends before, you have cousins, but never one as important as Shoko. Out of everyone, she’s the only one who's touched your heart, the only one you’ve grown to love.

“Here,” Shoko mumbles and sits you down on her bed. “I'll bring the fuzzy socks and the cigarettes? No,” she scoffs to herself. “Alcohol? Fuck…” she trails off and walks to her drawer full of snacks and other things you both may need when you sync up on your periods.

“Ah, never mind, I found just the thing.” She pulls out a pack of your favorite snacks and throws them on the bed along with other things she has stored inside.

“I will take a beer,” you mumble as you put the fuzzy socks on your feet. “And maybe…”

Shoko swipes baggy shirts off her rack and throws them on the bed, making you smile softly over the fact that she already knew. It makes you grateful for her.

“So,” you interject as you put the baggy shirt on. “Have you decided to go on another date with that guy from Kyoto?” You ask her.

Shoko walks over to leave the beers on the bed while she also begins to change. “Yeah,” she mutters. “I decided I’ll go for it, I mean why not? He was a lot of fun.”

You sniffle and lay back on the bed with a pack of snacks and a cold beer in hand. “That’s good…dates are a lot of fun…” you trail off and feel tears fill your eyes all over again.

Now you try to hold yourself back, try to think of something else, but you can’t help the emotions from coming out like word vomit. “Do you think he stopped loving me?”

Shoko hops around to face you whilst she puts shorts on, and proceeds to sigh deeply before she responds with a reassuring tone. “No, I don’t think so. I just think there’s more going on with Suguru. But I don’t think he stopped loving you.” She finishes changing into her comforting clothes and jumps on the bed beside you with her beer and savory snacks.

“Maybe you were right,” you bring up as you drag yourself to sit up and lean your back against the wall. “Dating people you see everyday was a terrible idea. I’m going to have to see him all the time now…it’s going to be so awkward.”

Shoko sighs again and opens your beer can for you since your manicured nails get in the way. “Well,” she says. “I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t right.”

You take the beer and look over at her. “You were,” you correct her.

Shoko grabs her own beer and then meets your gaze. “Well, it depends, doesn't it?” She asks as she opens her own beer.

You sniffle and look at her puzzled. However, you don’t get to ask before she explains herself. “I just mean, Suguru looks like he’s going through something, you can’t blame him for that because some people like that just think it’s for the best.”

You blink in confusion. “People like what?” You probe. “Depressed?” It’s not hard to guess or identify on Suguru, it’s the only explanation for his sudden change.

“Yeah.” Shoko nods and takes a long swig from her beer before she continues on. “And knowing him he thinks he’s dragging you along, that he’s not, I don’t know, enough? I mean you met him when he was confident about his strength, now so many things are changing, and he’s taking that hard and doubting himself.”

With the way she acts so nonchalant and carefree you forget she’s studying to be a doctor, so she always impresses you when she behaves all doctor-like.

“I don’t care if he’s the weakest,” you say shakily so you take a drink of your beer before going on. “He’s enough for me in any way. So I don’t get it…he really hurt me.”

Shoko takes a long drink before she leans back against the wall and wraps her arm around your shoulders to pull you against her. “I know,” she whispers. “I'm sorry.”

A soft sob escapes past your lips, making Shoko hold onto you tighter.

“Look, I’m going to say this completely unbiased,” she interjects as she rests her head on yours. “Fight for him. I know it sounds super cheesy, but do it. You guys make each other happy, and you know fighting for someone doesn’t always have to mean the guy, you can fight too.”

You nod. “I know,” you whisper. “But what if I try and he gives up completely?”

Shoko exhales deeply. “Then you let him go. But I think you should try, and maybe try and reach him too. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Or me.” You sigh and pull back to take a sip of your beer. “I’m just…scared.”

Shoko nods. “I understand, but won’t trying at least satisfy you? If it doesn’t work at least you can say you tried—my parents,” she begins saying and averts her gaze. “They went through a rough patch when I was young, but they fought for each other and came back stronger. Now they’re all sappy and hardly ever apart.”

You laugh softly. “Are you comparing me to your parents?” You ask.

Shoko rolls her eyes. “I'm giving you an example,” she quips. “Fight, or don’t and you’ll find someone else with long hair.”

You tilt your head in confusion whilst you take a drink. “I don’t get it,” you mumble.

Shoko snickers. “You totally dig guys with long hair,” she points out.

Your ex had long hair, Suguru has long hair now and it was also longish before. And all your celebrity crushes—oh. You get it, maybe you do have a type.

“That’s so stupid,” you say breathlessly. “And who knew you’re such a sap, Shoko?” You giggle.

She shrugs nonchalantly and surprises you by downing the rest of her drink in one last go. When she’s done she throws her can to the ground and lays back on her bed.

“You tell anyone I’ll tear your closet,” she threatens, making you drink the rest of your drink so you can lay beside her.

“Besides,” she adds and slides her hand over to interlace her fingers with yours. “You're both my friends, and you’re my best friend. We live together, so I see more than you do, more than anyone, and I know that it’s worth fighting for. If it wasn’t, trust me I would tell you.”

Rather than smiling you frown as that fear that always accompanies you makes you think of the worst. “And if it doesn’t work?” You ask as if she actually knew that answer. After all it seems she had loving parents, it’s why she’s giving you this advice. But you? Your parents are the complete opposites from her parents, they never fought for each other, you never saw them being any kind of affectionate. So this doubt creeping inside you isn’t out of the blue, it's a real terrorizing fear you have experienced.

“If it doesn’t work?” Shoko responds and lifts her head to look at the same time you tilt your head down to look at her. “Then you let it go, plain and simple. I’m sure it’ll hurt, but you’ll get over it, plus I’ll be here, your brother is oddly good at comforting you. We’ll all be here.”

You let out a shaky breath and show her your thanks and appreciation by resting your head on her shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you tell her softly.

Shoko rests her head on yours and sighs softly. “I’m glad you’re here too.”

You rest your eyes and try to stop crying as you do feel some kind of reassurance, but those tears still come out since the wound didn’t actually heal. No matter what resolve you figured out, that doesn’t actually change what happened. Suguru and you still are broken up—

That’s so weird to think about. So weird to say in your mind. It’s…unbelievable, and painful.

But at least you have Shoko.

——

*A COUPLE DAYS LATER*

So much for the hope of it all. So much for more than anything. So much for it all. You tried so hard to date around your brother, you didn’t fight much but you fought against his protests. And just as he was barely getting around to fully accepting it, Suguru ruins it.

Now, you’ll have to live on awkwardly because what’s the point in trying? He broke up with you, he left you, he hurt you. Why should you try to fix things? Why risk getting your heart torn and stomped on again?

“Right?” You ask yourself while you cover the fireball you make with rocks and dirt you summon off the ground with your cursed technique.

You do miss him, and yes, he was rather distant for the past couple of months, but you still had each other. He still made your day complete even if there were days where you’d only see each other for a few minutes. He still listened and helped you when Satoru was busy. Suguru…was always there, and now even if you live in the same place he’s never with you.

It’s so fucking lonely. It’s so weird. Plus at night it’s even worse, you didn’t sleep together a lot because you’d get in trouble, but you’d sleep with his shirts or his sweaters and you’d be content with his scent that clung onto it. Now it’s just a cruel reminder that he broke your heart.

So it begs the question, should you fight?

Part of you wants to more than anything, but the other part is filled with anger, and fear that he won’t want to fight with you, that he’ll reject you. And yes, you know that if you don’t ask him you’ll never know, but telling him you loved him took so much time because of your stupid fear—or anxiety as Shoko likes to call it (you don’t believe that.) So now telling him to fight for another chance with you will only take even more time to express.

Fuck. Fuck…

You sigh and drop your head, realizing you’re still holding the dirt covered fireball without concentrating it.

At least that’s a plus. But regardless, you’ll keep torturing yourself by overthinking rather than going for it…

As of now though, you let the dirt fall and collect the fire back through your dragon mark before you stand up and exhale deeply.

No more thinking of Suguru. No more thinking of the anger you feel over this breakup. No more thinking of the building up stress you feel over an upcoming mission that you’ll have to travel far for.

Just focus on calming your breaths, on your leg as you slide it forward while you move the other one back. You focus on one arm as you stretch it out to use your cursed technique, and summon some water over to you to cover your arm in its wet body. You use your other hand to tap into your fire and have that begin to twirl around your body, along with the water you move off your arm.

You proceed to take another deep breath and listen for the wind. When you hear it howl by your ear you smile as it seems that it’s calling out to you specifically. You then easily gather some of it and make it twirl around your body along with the fire and water.

Now all that's left is earth, but that’s harder, rougher, and heavier than rest to manipulate, so you save it for later. Instead, you shift to different forms with a peaceful mindset, ending up balancing on the ground with one hand.

Once you're confident with your form you then try to pick some dirt off the ground to have it dance with the rest of the elements around your body, but it’s fucking hard. You can mix your cursed energy well with the dirt and the rocks, so it begins to falter as you lift it off the ground. It makes you lose focus on your calm breaths. And the strain to keep it up makes you open your eyes and causes your body to begin losing balance.

“Hey! Don’t think too much about it!” Someone you don’t recognize yells out, causing you to lose concentration and collapse on the ground.

“Sorry!” They yell out.

That’s so embarrassing. Tsk.

You slowly push yourself to your feet and dust the dirt off you first before you look up and see an impressively tall blond woman with the kindest brown eyes you’ve ever seen.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/N Gojo!” She exclaims with a smug smile when she reaches you by the pond.

Albeit you step back and look at her with confusion. “Uh, pleasure I'm sure, but who are you?” You quirk a brow and study her to check if it’s someone you’ve actually seen before. But no, she isn’t.

“Oh,” she breathes out with disappointment. “I’m Yuki Tsukumo.”

Your eyes widen with awe and a smile breaks on your face. You see her part her lips to add on but you cut her off excitedly, like a fan girl seeing their idol. “Oh my gosh, you’re her!”

Tsukumo’s lips pull to a wide smile and she grows smug again. “Oh, I like the sound of that,” she interjects.

You grin. “You’re the sorcerer who’s always out and defies the higher ups, it’s so cool to finally meet you. I’m a big fan.”

Tsukumo rests her hand on her hip and tilts her head down as she flashes you a sweet grin. “That’s so nice to hear. I didn’t know I was so well known amongst one of the Gojo’s. I’m flattered.”

You scoff. “You’re acting as if I’m royalty,” you quip.

“Well,” she sighs. “You kinda are.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Far from it.” You step forward and continue to look at her with awe. “I need to ask…how did you do it?”

Tsukumo straightens out and looks at you with a confused look. “Do what?” She probes.

Your smile falters and a sigh escapes your lips. “Get strong,” you clarify. “I mean how did you do it all by yourself? You don’t come from one of the big three. I mean I know you came to school, but your reputation? You’re overall poweress? You did that all by yourself, so how? I have the privilege to be born a Gojo, to have a strong brother teaching me, but no matter what I do I continue to struggle.”

Tsukumo's smile turns soft, and her gaze falls on the ground for a moment before she lifts her eyes to meet your gaze with a soft look. “Little by little,” she shares, “I didn’t get strong overnight, I learned and learned. I exhausted myself, but I pushed myself to learn. I for sure as hell didn't listen to any of the old geezers who kept trying to make me hold back.”

You smile softly at that comment.

“But,” she exhales slowly and smirks at you. “I didn’t listen to my head, I trusted myself. I didn't get strong for anyone. I get strong for me. That’s the trick.”

You admire her for a moment before you smile at the ground and nod in comprehension. “I understand, thank you,” you mumble.

“You can be strong and still be a woman, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” she adds. “A lot of people, those old geezers included, only look at you one way. Not both. Prove them wrong every step of the way.”

You chuckle softly. “Oh, trust me I know.” You meet her gaze and shoot her a smirk. “Fuck the higher ups.”

Tsukumo grins. “That’s what I’m talking about! I like you!” She throws her fist out, so you gently tap it with your fist and cause her to shoot you wink that gets you all flustered.

“Hey, we should hang out,” she adds. “We’re both special grade and women at that, we’re a rare pair. So we should get to be friends, don’t you think?”

This is like a dream. This is so cool!

But you need to play it cool. Play it cool.

“Yeah I think so,” you hide your excitement. “That would be cool.”

Tsukumo hums softly before she whips her phone out and offers it to you, making you do the same to trade contacts.

“Anyway,” you bring up as you type in your number. “What brings you around here? Are you picking up a mission?”

“No,” she says. “I came back from a trip so I wanted to meet you and the other special grades.”

You hum before you add in, “well Satoru is on a mission, but,” you pause and exhale slowly. “Geto is here. Somewhere.”

This is the longest you’ve gone without thinking about him. It sounds pathetic but its true. And weird.

“I can…find out where he is so you can meet him,” you suggest hesitantly whilst you return your phones to each other.

“Yeah, that would be great, thank you!”

You hum quietly and look at your phone to go and click on his contact.

It’s been a while since you texted him—will he even answer?

You to Suguru: Where are you?

Your heart begins to race as you grow nervous.

“So,” you interject while you wait. “If you don’t mind me asking, Tsukumo, where were you before returning home?”

“Yuki,” she cuts in bluntly. “You don’t have to be formal with me, call me Yuki.”

You smile softly and nod. “Yuki,” you correct yourself. “Where were you before?”

“I was in Singapore.”

Your eyes widen and you can’t help but grin. “Really?” You probe. “I love Singapore.”

Yuki shows off a grin and nods slowly. “It’s beautiful, and the nightlife is great!”

You part your lips to fangirl over her but a message comes in so you keep quiet and feel your heart jump. When you check you inhale deeply.

Suguru: Hall B, why?

You exhale and leave him on read to offer Yuki a feigned and nervous smile. “Geto answered, I can take you to him.”

Without hesitation or wasting more time you walk her to where Suguru is. You’d prefer not to see him at the moment, it just won’t make things any easier, but…you also miss him. So this is just a small excuse.

“Hey,” Yuki interjects. “About your previous question about strength, does your brother train you?”

You sigh and shrug. “He does but he’s busy a lot now so not as much anymore. I have other friends who help me though, and school of course. But that’s about it.”

She hums and stays quiet for a moment. Once you reach Hall B, she stops before you can walk inside, making you stop along with her.

“In here,” you point to the door.

“Look,” she changes the subject. “I don’t stay in one place long, I like to travel, and I know that it’s not ideal for a lot of people. But if it’s something you’re okay with, then you should consider letting me help you.”

You blink in disbelief and can’t think of what to say through that shock that begins to grow.

“It can be once you’re out of school, or if you decide that being here isn’t for you then you can come along and I’ll help you train,” she adds and doesn’t help ease you whatsoever. “Whatever you decide, I want to help you. We girls have to stick together, especially us because we’re a rare pair.” She smirks.

“Yeah, I agree,” you muse. “Just,” you pause and think about your brother and your friends, they’re all here. Whatever happens with Suguru won’t change the fact that you like living with your friends and your brother.

But you also want to get strong for yourself, for your dream of helping other sorcerers, for those friends you cherish so deeply. So that’s where you get stuck, you can go with her, let her train you, and get strong a lot quicker. Or you can stay here with everyone and gain your strength a lot slower. Hm.

“…just give me time to decide,” you tell her. “I’m honored by your offer though. I really appreciate it.”

Yuki grins. “Don’t sweat it, the offer will be open for you. Until then we can still get to know each other.”

You sigh with relief and nod softly. “Yeah I like the sound of that. Thank you again.”

With nothing else to add you continue to walk inside the building. And now your shock gets replaced with that nervousness all over again. You almost want to run away before you can lay your eyes on him, but that’d be immature. After all you do live with him which means you can’t hide from him forever. So now is better than later….

You repeat that to yourself as you approach the corridor. It’s all going to be fine, you assure yourself—no, you’re gonna be sick.

You lead the way past the vending machines and the first person you lay your eyes on is him. Your breath hitches as if this is the first time you’re seeing him. Your heart pounds faster as his dark eyes find your gaze. Your eyes widen slightly with awe as you see that his hair is down. And even through all the hurt he made you feel, relief is all you feel wash over you.

Does he feel it too? He sits up and you notice his Adam’s apple lift up before it slides down.

“Y/N!” Someone else exclaims.

You break from your stupor to notice that Haibara is next to Suguru. You didn't take note of that before.

“Hey Haibara!” You greet as if you hadn’t just seen the guy a couple hours ago.

“Is everything okay?” Suguru’s voice surprises you, causing you to look back at him with that surprise expressed on your face.

He’s acting as if nothing happened while you’re slowly dying inside, how is he so good at that?

Regardless, before you can answer, Yuki finally enters the corridor and steals the attention of both guys, letting you notice that Suguru’s eyebags have only deepened.

“Are you Geto?” Yuki interjects boldly. “What kind of woman is your type?”

What kind of question is that?

You can’t decide if it’s cool or weird upon a first interaction.

“Who are you?” Suguru avoids the question, leading you to wonder if he’ll actually answer it. He is single now so his answer may vary.

“I like girls who eat a lot!” Haibara exclaims, causing you to snap your eyes to him, and giggle.

“Oh?” Yuki probes, whilst Suguru scolds him softly.

“Haibara.”

“It’s okay,” said man brushes Suguru off. “She’s not a bad person. I’m a great judge of character!”

You smile wider at your friends comment.

“You say that while sitting next to me?” Suguru interjects, causing your smile to fall right away, and your concern to grow.

What does he mean by that?

“Yes!” Haibara agrees without hesitation.

Yuki laughs. “He was being sarcastic, you know,” she tells Haibara, but you know she’s wrong, you can see it in the way Suguru’s averting his gaze. So what does he mean? Why can’t he talk to you?

You want to know, you need to know. So that’s what you’ve decided, you’ll talk to him. You have to, if not for your relationship, then just for him. He looks like he’s in pain and you can’t just sit by and wait for him to come to you. You’ll just wait until after you come back from your mission.

You’d do it now, but Yuki did say she wanted to know him, so your talk will have to wait.

“Anway,” you interject and look at Yuki. “I’m off now, it was nice to finally meet you.”

Yuki pouts. “You’re leaving already? I thought we could hang out together a bit longer.”

You briefly glance at Suguru, and he looks at you, so you look away and then respond to her. “I’d love to but I am going on a mission far from here tomorrow, so I need to finish some work before I leave, or else my teacher will have my head.” You giggle. “But hey, when I come back and you’re still around we should go out to lunch or something, hm? I would love to know more about your trips.”

Yuki nods. “Absolutely! And think about my offer, I don’t give them to everyone.”

You flash her a smile and nod. “I will!” You look away from her and look at your friend. “Haibara you want to come help me with my work?”

Your friend pushes himself off his seat right away and nods. “Sure! But I won’t do it for you.”

You pout and watch him meet up with you. “That’s so mean,” you whine and throw your arm around him. “Not even a little?”

“Nope.”

You groan and roll your eyes. “Boo,” you whisper before you look over at Yuki and flash her an excited smile. “Bye Yuki!”

“Bye Y/N!” She gives you the same excited energy.

You lastly glance at Suguru and see that he was already looking at you, so you quickly avert your gaze and pull Haibara away with you.

“Excuse us!” Haibara exclaims as he pulls back to take one last glance at both Suguru and Yuki, making your hand slide off his shoulders.

Silence then follows and once your friend catches up to you down the hall, he immediately finds the chance to question your fading smile.

“Are you okay? You look upset—or actually you’ve looked upset for the past couple days, is everything okay?”

He knows you well, but you don’t want him or anyone else to know about Suguru and you breaking up yet. You do want to work things out so telling everyone, (escpaully Satoru) will create unnecessary tension you don’t need. So you’ll keep quiet for now and hide your anguish.

“I’m fine. Just…tired is all.”

Haibara opens the door for you, letting you walk out under the cloudy sky. “Are you okay?” You redirect while you spin on your heels to look at him.

Your friend nods. “Yep, just getting mentally prepared for tomorrow.”

You hum and sigh dramatically. “Yeah, that’s a real pain in the ass. But hey, after the mission, Nanami did promise that he’ll come with me to the shops, so I’m excited for that!”

“Really? Great, I'll come with!” He interjects.

You scoff softly, and happily hook your arm around his. “I didn’t expect it any other way,” you say with a growing smile.

——

*2 DAYS LATER*

Suguru: Be careful

Even if it’s just through text those words have been ringing inside your head since he sent it.

You hate it for one, he just sends you the message as if nothing, without even talking anything out first, it makes you mad. But two, you appreciate that he thought of you, it makes your heart flutter. Yet, third, you’ve been stuck between answering back or not. Should you be petty and not answer, or be nice and write back something super simple?

Something that can lead to ‘hey let’s talk when I get back.’—no. Not now. You should concentrate on the mission in hand. But…

No! No, you cant.

Actually he shouldn’t be sending you these messages. It’s so hard on your overthinking mind.

“Should we put a curtain?” You ask as you put your phone away.

“I doubt we’ll step outside,” Nanami says. “But let’s do it just in case.”

You both turn to look at Haibara, and he sighs before he steps forward and raises two fingers. “Emerge from darkness, blacker than darkness,” he chants. “Purify that which is impure.”

Within seconds the cloudy sky is covered by a black growing veil that drops over the property you were sent to, adding ominsity to a rather easy mission; exorcizing a second-grade curse.

“If you want, y/n, you can go in alone, we'll wait for you here,” Nanami remarks as you walk past an arch.

You roll your eyes. “It doesn’t work like that Nanami. Special grade—”

“Means you have the power to take over countries,” he cuts you off. “That’s what you are, and it’s what you have the possibility of doing.”

You scoff. “Sure, it’s a possibility, but I can’t do that now, you know that,” you argue the same old fight. “I need to work to get myself strong. I…” you pause and hum in disappointment. “I’m not strong like that yet. I'm working to it.” You fist your hands eagerly and then look back at him with a smirk. “And when I am, don't start missing me, Nanamin.”

Said guy rolls his eyes, making you smile at him.

“Don’t worry y/n,” Haibara cuts in, drifting your eyes over to him. “Take your time, we like having you come with us. We’re a team after all! We work great together and Nanami knows it, he’s just giving you a hard time.”

You chuckle and walk back to fall beside Nanami and pat his shoulder. “Oh, I know. It’s all tough love.”

As you reach the entrance of the red-roof building you let Nanami go and frown. “Sense that?” You ask and come to a stop with them before you can climb up the red stairs.

“It’s not even trying to hide,” Haibara points out.

You crack your knuckles and let out a deep breath, while Nanami pulls his blade out, and Haibara rolls his shoulders back.

“It should be easy,” you try to assure them and yourself. “We go in as practiced.”

Nanami nods stiffly, and you let out one more deep breath before you take a step on a red stair and begin ascending them. When you’re on the porch, both guys hide behind the wall, while you open the door and slowly creep inside the softly lit parlor room.

Right away you notice the curse you’re after; it’s tall, built like a man with tightly toned muscles, but green and twisted. It notices you right away and turns around, showing off its one eye on its face, and the snake like tongue that it sticks out at you.

It’s gives you the creeps, but you ignore it and lift your chin to show it a smirk and show it that you’re not afraid.

You don’t think it actually senses that, nor do you think it has any emotions besides the instinct to cause terror, but almost as if you did hurt its ego, the curse wails out before it charges at you.

You don’t move though, you confidently stay where you are, and just before it can even reach you, Nanami and Haibara come out of hiding and run at it too. And since the curse is tall, you manipulate the air from outside to come to your hands, and then push it towards Nanami. And without the need to say a word, just like you have done dozens of times before, you use the air to give him a boast.

Nanami uses the boast to his advantage and flips in the air. The curse looks up and twists around to follow Nanami, it tries to reach out for him with its long arms, but Nanami swings his blade while in the air and manages to cut one of its arms off with a single swing. When he’s falling back down, he manages to kick the curse towards Haibara before he lands swiftly on the floor.

And since the curse is stronger it’s harder to take down, you need to use a lot more strength and power. So when Haibara punches its eye out with his cursed energy, the curse still stands up and comes stumbling towards you.

Now depending on the curse, you can land the finishing blow, but you see and sense this one is more durable. Thus you tap into your dragon mark wrapped around your arm and make flames bask your entire arm, causing your growing smirk to be brightened by your flame's hue.

The curse wails loudly at you, but you don’t flinch, instead you manipulate the air that lays outside on the courtyard behind the curse, and have it burst through the doors to shove the curse towards you. You then lunge forward as you pull back your fist covered in flames, and smash it through the curses gut so hard your fist burns through the other side.

Yet it still doesn’t get exorcized. The curse falls on its knees and bleeds out from its wound.

“You really are annoying,” you grumble before you raise your foot, and use the air to kick out a mighty blast that sends the curse flying out to the courtyard.

“Let’s end this,” you tell your friends coldy.

Haibara and Nanami both nod before the three of you walk out to the back porch. The curse finds strength to stand up so that motivates the three of you to continue on stronger.

So as Nanami runs to the curse head-on, Haibara jumps off the porch's railing and runs to its side. You step off the porch and watch as Nanami slides down and slices the curses legs off with his cursed technique, while Haibara hops on the curses arm to rip it out of its body, giving you your cue.

And so forth before the curse can continue to irritate you, you pull gusts of air to your palms and form it into a long and thin curved line. You then proceed to lash it out, and manage to cut the curses head clean off.

“Finally,” you pant and drop your shoulders as you let out an exhausted sigh. “Good job guys!”

“Right back at you, y/n,” Haibara redirects, making you smile at him softly.

“Uh, I hate to burst your bubbles but the veil hasn’t come down,” Nanami points out.

You snap your eyes up and see that the black veil still in fact remains intact. Is there another curse here?

Nevertheless, before you can ask your question out loud you hear thumping. When you look down you see the curse begin to convulse violently.

“Uh,” you breathe out in horror and step back.

The curse then suddenly stops, making you squint your eyes on the curse to wait with a racing heart. You then lift your head and at that moment see the curse regrow its limbs, including its head. Its already toned body grows larger, and with more muscles as if it had just pumped itself with fucking steroids. Two arms then grow to four, and from one neck grows out two more heads longer than the original.

This isn’t a second-grade curse, but it’s also something you can't run from, you’ll have to fight your own fear and give it your all.

“We got this,” Haibara uses words of encouragement.

You clench your fists and nod stiffly, whilst you also begin to feel regret for not texting Suguru back. After all, this has turned for the worst, what if you don’t make it out? And the last thing you told him was…a bunch of sputter.

You want to talk to him again, you do. You want to tell him you miss him, that he’s worth walking through fire for, that he’s enough for you. But most of all you want to tell him that you love him more than anything in this cursed world.

So to whatever divine being that is up there don’t let this be the end. Please.

“I’ll get rid of the arms,” Nanami says. “Haibara try and get his legs so y/n can try and exorize it.”

You nervously swallow back but nod in understanding, but you also look over at Nanami and can’t help your worry. He sees that and drops the hardened expression to offer you a soft smile to try and assure you.

You draw in a deep shaky breath and mirror his smile before you look ahead. Now before any more time can be wasted you summon air and blast out, Nanami sprints over and jumps, letting you use that same air to boast him.

You then follow by growing a raging fireball and throw it at the curse, causing it to shift back. Haibara uses this slight distraction and charges it, whilst Nanami flips down and tries to swing his blade.

However, this time the curse is more prepared, it twirls around and swerves Haibara's attack before it proceeds to swat Nanami away as if he were nothing but a fly.

“Nanami!” You cry out while his body slams into the wall behind him and goes unconscious.

The curse turns back around and wails out at Haibara and you, but you don’t cower, you dig your heels in the ground and glower at it.

“Cursed technique,” you seeth. “Fire dragon.”

The dragon mark on your arm begins to glow brightly, whilst the veins on your other arm begins to glow with the flames that travel down to your palms. Your hands then glow from the fires light before you throw your arms out and blast large flames from your palms. The fire quickly takes form into a large fire-made dragon that flies towards the curse.

This time your fire-made dragon is much larger than last years. Now it contains a lot more power.

Alas, just as you think you see the fire-made dragon grab the curse with its jaw, the fire-made dragon crashes through the wall, and what you see before you now are two curses in front of a building that begins to feed the fire that the fire-made dragon left behind.

Two bodies now join the fight. They’re the same build, they have the same green skin, but now both bodies just have two arms. One body even has two heads, while the other only contains one.

It split itself into two.

“Haibara!” You bellow and don’t take your eyes off the curse with the one head watching you, waiting to attack. “Get Nanami!”

You only catch a glimpse of Haibara running and the second curse running after him, so you try to blast fire out at it to try and distract it, but the curse that had been watching you like you were it’s meal, catches you off guard and slaps you down to your knees.

You quickly try to counter but it lunges at you to grab you by the throat and pick you off the ground with its strength.

You can’t let that stop you though, so you try to blast air at it by kicking your foot, but the curse hurls you back towards the parlor room.

When you hit the floor you yell out because of the pain, but you also try to quickly get up so you can counter. However, the curse is fast and catches up to you right away. It doesn’t let you catch your breath before it kicks you to your back and begins throwing punches over and over again on your face.

You try to move your arms to hurl air or fire, but each punch is like getting stabbed by sharp needles so the pain is agonizing and paralyzing.

It’s not the same as before, either because it was holding back or because it got stronger when its head got cut off, like the monster from Greek Mythology, The Hydra. Which would make sense with this curse being born from the Ubusunagami faith. One head falls and multiple are born in its place.

But why wasn’t this identified before? Why weren’t they more careful? This is a grade 1 case, you might be special grade but that’s only because no one knows how dangerous your technique can be, they based you off possibilities, if it wasn’t because of that you’d be a grade 2 just like the others. And they know that too, so why? Why weren’t they more careful?

Now you can’t even lift a finger, all your mind is filled with is pain. You try to think of some strategy to get out, to outsmart the curse, but you can’t even move. Every hit brings you closer to an eerie darkness.

Until there’s a voice.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

It’s your brother's voice from a memory of the day you got the scar on your torso. You were only a little girl who was scared of many things, he had been gone all day because your parents wanted him away from you, so when he came back the trauma was already engraved and the scar was already stitched.

He came after the fact, but he was such a relief to see. He was a light in the sea of darkness.

“It hurts,” you complain with fresh tears in your eyes.

“I know,” he whispers. “I'm sorry.” He sighs and turns around to give you his back and crouch.

“Come,” he says. “I'll help you get to your room.”

Satoru was told many times not to spoil you the way he does, ‘it’ll only make her weaker.’ they’d say, but he never listened and they never corrected him because of who he was.

“We can watch a movie and give you something for the pain.” He adds.

You wipe your tears away and stand up to step towards him, but you stop and bring up your concern. “But mother said no.”

Satoru peers back and confidently counters. “I don’t care. Now come on, get on my back.”

You smile softly and don’t think twice about accepting his offer now. You get on his back and wrap your arms around his neck before you rest your head on his shoulder, and let him give you a piggyback ride to your room.

Now you don’t know why that certain memory came to mind, there are so many other ones where he was that light in the sea of darkness, so why this one? It's only a reminder of the pain your family made you endure.

So why now as this curse is beating you to a bloody pulp?

Why? You ask yourself as the curse hits you again and strikes your body with more pain.

Why?

But then, in that brief moment where it’s fist is off your face you know why, because you see a vision of brother appearing through the darkness. Not Suguru, not Shoko, or your other friends, but your brother. He’s the sudden burst of energy you need to regain your consciousness and find that strength to pull your leg back and direct a cluster of your cursed energy and fire to your foot.

The curse hits you again, but you don’t falter, you counter by kicking your foot out and blasting fire at it from your foot.

The curse gets flung back, but it doesn’t go far, instead it falls under the doorframe. You still get up though and fist your hands whilst you shift your feet into a fighting stance. The curse gets back up and immediately wails out at you.

“Fuck you,” you grimace and run at it with your arm getting basked in flames. Before you reach it you jump up to swing your fist down at its face, but the curse isn’t weakened by injuries like your bruised and blood-covered face, it’s stronger and manages to throw its arm out and capture you by your throat.

You try to kick, but the lack of air running to your lungs immobilizes you. All you can think about now is wanting to breathe. All that there is is fading consciousness until you hear a scream coming from the courtyard.

Nanami was unconscious, he could have woken up but it’s unlikely, so the person screaming was Haibara. He’s in trouble. He needs help!

As if hit with another burst of energy, you manage to slap your hands on the side of the curses head and instantly blast fire out of your palms,

The curse wails as the flames burst through its flesh and begin burning it from the inside out. It lets you go to try and escape, but you wrap your legs around it and dig your fingers in its head while you blast more fire in its head.

You cry out of anger and the curse stumbles back, it claws at you, but you use more of your cursed technique until the curse finally explodes and dies, causing you to fall on your ass and finally gasp for more air while you push yourself to your feet.

Haibara doesn’t scream again, but you still run out to the courtyard. And immediately as you do you see the curse holding Haibara several feet over the ground by his head. You gasp in horror as you see Haibara’s entrails hanging out of a long and deep gash.

“Haibara!” You cry out louder than you thought possible.

The curse snaps his head towards you, and you quickly lift your hands off your sides and begin gathering air into a orb in between your palms.

“Cursed technique,” your grimace with tears already forming in your eyes. “Air manipulation, lashing wind!”

You proceed to throw the orb made of air out. And while it’s flying towards the curse you form it into a curved line that slashes both of the curses heads off the moment it cuts through, causing it to let go of Haibara.

Before your friend can hit the ground you sprint over and manage to catch him in your arms. However, he’s heavy so when you catch him you collapse to the ground with him.

“It’s okay,” you mutter shakily. “It’s okay,” you assure him even as his eyes are rolled back. “You’ll be okay, Haibara.”

You don’t see his chest move anymore, and his blood is spilling out of his gash and staining your body, but you still refuse the truth and carefully put him down. You then rip the white skirt off your waist and carefully wrap it around his bleeding wound.

“It’s okay,” you tell him again. “You’ll feel a little bit of pressure, but Shoko and that first aid class told us to do this, remember?”

Haibara remains unresponsive, but you continue to tighten the white skirt over his wound so it could stop bleeding.

“You’ll be okay,” you whisper and look at his face. “Haibara? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just please hold on a while longer okay? I…I can call Shoko, she’ll know what to do.” You pull your phone out and desperately find your friends contact. As it rings you look back and see the curse is beginning to shake like last time.

“Shit, shit,” you grumble.

The phone rings a couple more times before you get sent to voicemail. “Damn it!” you exclaim.

You peer back and see that the curse grows four heads now and grows taller, bigger.

“I—I’ll call Suguru, he’ll know where she is,” you tell Haibara as he continues to lay still.

This time when you call Suguru, the phone rings only a few times before he thankfully answers. “Hello?”

You sigh shakily with relief, “Suguru.”

“Y/N, what's wrong?” He asks the moment he hears your shaky voice.

You look at your friend and hold your phone to your ear with your shoulder as you press your hands on Haibara's wound to help the bleeding stop.

“Suguru, where’s Shoko? She doesn’t answer her phone, I need her help, please.” You say quickly.

“Shoko isn’t home,” Suguru says. “What's wrong y/n, are you okay?”

You groan and look back to see Nanami up now and trying to distract the curse.

“It’s Haibara,” you say shakily. “I-I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to stop the bleeding, but the gash won’t stop bleeding. And he—Suguru…he’s not breathing. I need Shoko, please, I need her.”

“Y/N,” Suguru mutters through the phone. “Haibara’s gone. I need you and Nanami to get out of there—”

It’s not the solution you want so you hang up the phone and shove it back in your pocket to focus back on your friend and begin CPR.

“Come on, come on, COME ON!” You yell out in desperation.

Your attempts are futile though, he doesn’t wake up, he doesn’t gasp for air, he continues to lay still, adding to your anguish.

“Nanami!” You call out. “I need help! Please come help me…someone please help me…” you trail off and pick up Haibara again to cradle him in your arms. Your phone begins to ring but you ignore it and put all your attention on Haibara.

“You have to fight, okay? We still have so much to live for, and you—you have to become a teacher just like you wanted,” you tell him as you hear wailing in the back. “We have to graduate next year and do so much more, please Haibara. Please.”

“Y/N?”

You look up and see Nanami panting in front of you.

“Nanami—”

He cuts you off and grabs your arm to try and pull you off the ground. “We have to go!” He bellows out at you while his eyes are on Haibara’s body.

“No,” you argue and shove his arm back. “I’m not leaving him behind!”

Nanami glances past you before he crouches down and grabs your arm. “Y/N, Haibara is…” he pauses and lets out a shaky breath before he finishes breaking the truth to you. “He's gone. We have to go or we’ll die next.”

You look down at Haibara and finally notice how lifeless he looks, you finally notice how fatally deep his wound is. And as if slammed by a rough wave, you finally grasp the truth and feel a deep agonizing pain clench around your chest to the point you can’t breathe. You can’t think, or cry, all that there is, is the cruel truth and pain.

The phone's incessant ringing doesn’t tune in, Nanami’s desperate pleas to leave don’t register. Nothing snaps you from that stupor but the sudden wail of the damned curse.

Anger then follows after that sound, a raging anger that only tightens that grip around your chest. No matter how much you want to let it go and leave, you can’t, it doesn’t feel right or like it will let you breathe, so you put Haibara down and twist around as you remain on your knees.

“Y/N,” Nanami warns as the curse begins to storm over.

You ignore him though and narrow your glare in the curse. The ground then begins to shake beneath you as you focus on doing something new and without thinking. Cracks grow on the ground, and you lean down to press your palms on the surface.

The curse jumps off it’s feet and tries to tackle you, but in that moment you let out all the emotions that had been plaguing you, and finally breathe.

All your life you’ve been taught to control your emotions to work with your cursed energy, but you’ve never felt more in control over your emotions than at this very moment after Haibara’s death triggered something off inside you. Something so monumental that lets you blast out a tidal wave of fire from the cracks on the ground to slam the curse back.

Up until this moment, you’ve never felt that rush of excitement from a fight, Satoru always talks about it, but it’s something you could never relate to. The only excitement you felt was last year, but that was met with regret, and you never felt it again because missions and fights were always such a burden or terrifying, but right now? As you use Yuki’s advice about not giving it too much thought, all you feel is excitement. And it grows as you use your cursed technique to lift pieces of the earth around you to blast it out at the curse and everything that stood around you, like a second wave. Leaving nothing left standing, but dust. And proving Nanami right.

Now you would have taken this time to leave, but Nanami doesn’t even attempt to move after what he saw. You can’t move after you realize what you did.

That rush of power was new, that technique was new. All born from a change inside you that Haibara’s death brought.

Yet you know that it’s a power you haven’t fully tapped into, it was only a taste. But that’s enough to cause your eyes to flicker between the familiar color of your eyes, to a deep red color that Nanami notices when you turn back around to face him and Haibara’s body.

“It’s over,” Nanami says through heavy breaths.

You hum softly in agreement, and then gently wipe your fingers down Haibara’s face to close his eyes.

“It can be once you’re out of school, or if you decide that being here isn’t for you, then you can come along and I’ll help you train. Whatever you decide, I want to help you…”

You were unsure before about accepting Yuki’s offer and leaving, but after this happened. After you tapped into some depths of your power you didn’t know you had, your mind finally comes to a conclusion.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Will Suguru and you work things out? Are you really going to accept Yuki’s offer? Ahh! We have to wait for the next chapter to know.

Tagged- @deniseabad1928

[hannieehaee]

Out of pure curiosity you do think in seventeen is most likely to settle down first or at least prioritize a private relationship over their careers as idols. I've been thinking about it and I definitely think leader line/jeonghan would be the least and Joshua cuz of yk :/ but then members like jun/mingyu/wonwoo/vernon/minghao seem to me to he the type where they'd sacrifice their career not because they care less but give priority to things outside being an idol. Chan and seungkwan is either/or for me - seungkwan cause of how long he's been in the spotlight acting as a promoter for seventeen and Chan cause he seems to be the ambitious "chase two girls (dreams) lose the one" type. But then again I think this also kinda reflects which members would be willing to go solo...the members who'd priorize not having relationships would be the members to least go solo and the members who would I can totally see as going solo. Sorry for the long ask btw😅

omg this is such an interesting question and i've honestly thought about this before. ima make a most to least to put their relationship before their career (this is just from my own personal read on them from what we've publicly seen of their personalities) personally i think theyd all probably find a way to work through hardships and keep it going as long as possible instead of ever ending a committed relationship due to their careers but gonna rate them all anyway lmao

a/n: this was just word vomit so its not proofread

most

wonwoo - he seems to value his personal life a lot to a point where he wouldn't let anything get in the way, never shying away from expressing how much he cares for his loved ones. he knows the value of his personal life, meaning he would likely place it at a higher level of importance than his career. he seems to really enjoy being an idol, though, so this would probably be a very difficult decision. i think if it really came down to it, he'd pick his s/o over his career as an idol, or would at least prioritize it more.

vernon - he seems very family oriented. i think he once said one of his dreams was to be a dad, so i think if he saw that future with his s/o, he would pick his s/o over career as an idol. he's had a long run as a public figure, even dating back to when he was a child. he wouldnt wanna risk his personal relationship for his idol career, no matter how much he loves it.

minghao - has never shied away from drawing lines in between his personal life and his public one as an idol. he gives me the vibe of a romantic and he's also very family oriented. he would likely wanna find a love like that of his parents, so he would probably see that with his s/o and prioritize the future of the relationship over anything else.

mingyu - he seems veryyyy used to his privacy being invaded (stalkers constantly calling him; seemingly more so than other members), so i think he'd be good at handling anything that came hurdling at his personal life, meaning there would probably never be a need for him to feel like he has to choose BUT if he realllyyyy had to pick, he'd pick his s/o. he adores his loved ones and is one of the most caring people, so he'd pick his s/o without a second thought.

seokmin - he's boyfriend personified, so i think if be fell in love he'd fall HARD, meaning that he would willingly give anything up for his s/o. loves his idol life so much but he loves his family twice as much (with his s/o being family to him ofc), so he would propritize them in a heartbeat, never regretting his choice.

seungkwan - he's such a loving person. he loves so many people and he loves so hard, i think he'd be unable to part ways with his s/o if his career got in the way. he loves being an entertainer to a fault, though, so i think he'd try really hard to find a loophole in there to not risk his relationship with his s/o and still keep his entertainer career intact. if it came down to one or the two, though, he'd let his heart guide him.

seungcheol - he doesnt show his romantic side that often (at least publicly) but he seems like he'd be a very dependable s/o, which makes me think that he would never drop his s/o bc of his job. he made a promise to stay by their side, so he's not letting anything get in the way. he's the leader, though, so he would never wanna leave his boys in an uncomfortable position due to his personal life. would be an extremely difficult point of tension, but he'd know that he'd always have his boys even if his career went down under.

jun - even with all the scrutiny he got as an idol for taking on a role where he was very affectionate, he still did it out of his passion for acting. in the same way, he would also fight for your relationship no matter the repercussions to his strict idol career. he seems like he'd be a bit more level headed and less emotional than the aforementioned members though. i think he'd be willing to take a break with his s/o in order to work through things, not giving up his career but also keeping a door open for a future with his s/o.

jeonghan - he's a very family oriented person and seems super protective over them, so i think he'd be the same with his s/o. only reason why i put him so down on the list is because i dont think this would be too much of an emotional thing for him. i dont think he would ever be in a position where he had to give up his relationship. he would just work his way around it somehow. would either take a break with his s/o or take a break from his career OR just work through any and every hurdle that comes his way. as cliche as it may sound, he'd cheat his way through the situation to not have to permanently give up anything.

joshua - feel kinda bad commenting on him considering his current situation, but i think he'd find a balance somehow, just like jeonghan. even if he went through horrible scrutiny, i think he would just somehow work it out and keep it together, even if it was all completely out of control. he comes from a small family, so i think letting anyone into his family must be insanely intimate and personal to him, which makes me think he just wouldnt be willing to let anything get in the way. he's also worked too hard for his career and loves his boys too much (he moved from a whole other country and found safe haven in svt) so i think he also wouldnt be willing to give that up.

woozi - his career is what he breathes. hes known for being a workaholic, creating almost the entirety of svt's discography from scratch. not only would he not wanna give up or risk his passion for making music, but he would never wanna leave his group without the stability that he brings to the group. he's a very loving guy, though, even if he's not too expressive about it. he wrote circles for wonwoo and yawn for kwan, showing how much he cares for them, which makes me think he'd feel a similar love for his s/o. would maybe take a break, or find some way to balance both out. would likely put his career above a relationship if it really came down to it though.

chan - he's young so i think he'd be more interested in his career right now than ever risking it for an s/o. i fee like he's least likely to be in a long and committed relationship rn too, considering the tightness of his schedule and the fact he's at the height of his career. this would probably come easier to him than most members, having probably not been in love yet in order to really make it a difficult choice.

soonyoung - he seems way too in love with his career to let anything get in the way. the amount of dedication he's always put on his career tells me he wouldnt let anything get in the way. although he would be emotional about it and do anything be could to not let it get in the way of his romantic relationships, i think he would still be most likely out of all members to actually end his relationship if it really came down to it. he's said before he'd like to try solo stuff someday, so i think he's more willing to put his career before anything else.

a/n: this isnt meant to be a fic lol i was just rlly interested in the question u brought up anon haha

[demeterdefence]

do you think that the SA with apollo was planned from the start? lots of people seem to think rachel meant it to just be bad sex and then retconned it to be assault

oof, that's a tough one. i have definitely seen that argument / belief in anti lo circles and several other lo critical blogs have discussed this in far more depth with far better understanding than i, so i won't novel spam the dash, but i am honestly and genuinely torn on it tbh.

like it wouldn't surprise me if that's true, because rachel has demonstrated over and over how poorly she understands consent, safe dynamics, and just female agency in the first place. there are definitely some aspects of the initial assault that, looking back on it now, made me wonder. considering how rachel's been trying to retcon some of this out it's difficult looking back at the assault and wonder what exactly rachel's thought process was in the plot as a whole.

that being said, i did not start reading lo until long after rachel was fully fleshed out on webtoons, so i could not even begin to say how she was on tumblr, or anything before the season 2 finale tbqh. and i can give her the credit on this at least, i have always viewed the assault as 1000% no doubt no question assault. genuinely it scares me if rachel wrote and drew that whole thing out and didn't know it was rape, because for many many many people, myself included, it was just so blatantly familiar and clearcut as rape.

it's one of those things that i just can't wrap my head around because it has not been resolved, or really addressed with persephone being in charge of her own healing. it keeps getting thrown in as a kind of hurdle for people to cross, and apollo has never been taken to task for it, punished for it, faced any splash back. even when daphne finds out what he did, she's immediately put into the position of running for her life, and then when she's finally free she just ... doesn't tell anyone?

what's even more concerning is that we see numerous male characters in the text play fast and loose with consent, and rachel really wavers on whether it's bad or not. ares keeps hitting on persephone when she clearly doesn't like it, and he usually ends up getting the narrative coming down on him; zeus lies to demeter to trick her and that gets handwaved away to make room for the bad blood between demeter and hades. hades grooms persephone and then initiates sex when she's in the middle of a bad mental health spiral (obviously just my interpretation of it but i viewed a lot of that scene as persephone having an anxiety attack, and regardless of whether that's canon or not, she's definitely not in the right space for hades to initiate some weird ass daddy dom routine.) so rachel seems to understand what consent is to some degree, but the issue of consent disappears depending on who is asking for it. rachel makes it clear that hades is totally fine and doing the right thing for persephone, whereas if we saw zeus doing that same thing to hera, the narrative would definitively label zeus bad. so whether rachel always intended that scene to be rape, or figured it out later, i think the big question is: why aren't all the characters held to the same standard of consent, and why are so many female characters constantly the victim of men who do not ask?

[mysticsparklewings]

Obscutober 2024 Day 3: Horology 🕰️

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Horology (n.)

the science of measuring time

the art of making instruments for indicating time; clockmaking

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I assume real clock-making is rather time-consuming 😉 Making a clock-making-inspired mandala sure was!

...It took more time than I care to admit to come up with that joke. At least the art turned out nice? 😅 Bad puns aside: Click the "Keep Reading" and we'll talk more about my thoughts/process for this piece ✨

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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I'm a little bit conflicted with this one, Sparklers. (But hey, at least I should be getting this one posted a little bit earlier! 🤷‍♀️ ) I am happy with how it came out, and I was pretty excited to see what I could do with the ideas of gears and metal that immediately sprang to mind for this word, however...The act of making said metal and gears ended up being a lot more trouble than I anticipated. 😅 Those emotions are so equally matched it's hard to separate them. The biggest hurdle was the fact that in order to look "right," I had to be more careful about getting curves looking circular-ish and uniform with each other. For full circles, that's generally not so bad. For semi-circles and arcs, it tends to be a big pain. 🙃

It also didn't help that I chose to make the outer ring of gear teeth a size that was really "too small" for Procreate's symmetry tool to help me out as much as I needed it too. So I also had to be more careful with those as I worked me way across what area the symmetry tool wouldn't fill in for me. The background was a bit more challenge than I expected, too. If anyone remembers how I mentioned yesterday I had decided some spot color "within" the mandala lines is okay but I still want to keep things loose: This one definitely pushed the boundaries on that. I tried leaving things more abstract, but I kept going back and re-defining certain color areas because it felt wrong otherwise.

I think that's a conflict between the general clockmaking concept and the abstract nature of how I'm approaching these prompts; Clockmaking, or at least the physical components needed to do it, is so very rigid and precise. Although, on the other hand, there's a kind of irony in that, isn't there? Since the way we humans measure time is something we made up—it's pretty arbitrary as far as nature is concerned.

...I seem to be wandering away from talking about the art and into higher concepts I am really not an expert in. 😅 Let me try to get this derailed train of thought back on track...

My point was that it felt like I needed more color, placed more carefully, to help with the definition between the different gear and cog pieces. This was not helped by how a lot of the images I kept seeing when I looked up clock/watch insides did usually have pieces that stood out because they were differently colored metal. Two related asides: 1. I apologize to anyone that does work with watch/clock components and may be getting a headache from my lack of proper vocabulary to describe said parts...Or the general lack of sense the "clock parts" I tried to draw here make compared to the actually insides of a time-telling machine. Many, many artistic liberties were taken! 2. I do actually kind of recommend looking up watch/clock insides sometime when you get a chance if you're not familiar with what that looks like; I found a lot of the pictures oddly soothing for reasons I don't fully understand. But even so—A lot of them are pretty even though I don't think they're trying to be. The screws on this one make me think of tiny gemstones! [I did consider adding some spots of color to background to mimic that jewel-like feel I just mentioned, but ultimately I didn't want to over-complicate the color palette.]

Anyway, going back to the lines/mandala portion for a moment: I knew going in that the fact I'm taking up the center for the word definitions would make a time/clock-themed one more difficult. After all, one of the primary things you think of with those concepts are the clock hands in the center of a clock face. Usually, even if you don't read analogue clocks that often that's still true!

For that reason, while I normally make the mandalas from the inside-out (aside from adjustments/tweaks that happen later), this time I started more on the outer edge. The clock hands hanging out there were still one of the very last things, but the gear teeth and general round "clock border" were the first and I more or less worked my way inward.

And at a certain point I realized so far I really just had a "gears" or industrial-themed mandala that showed no hints of being tied to clocks specifically. 😅 You can see from that, I ended up opting to put roman numerals in the 4 primary "clock" positions—12, 3, 6, 9. If I'd had room, I might have gone for the full set of 12, but by that time (ha-ha) I'd spent way too long making those four "gear spoke" semi-circle things that hang over right where most of the other numerals would go and I was not of a mind to either re-do or erase them. 😵‍💫 I then spent way too long trying to figure out how to "compensate" and fill the "clock face" just a little bit more because the big 4 numerals weren't quite enough for me. It's not very exciting but I landed on just some small lines—Tick marks, you might say. 😃 You may also notice that, true to something else I said yesterday, this is now the first example of one of the Obscutober mandalas in black rather than white. I did start out with it in white, but as I was moving into work on the background I thought the white was coming off a little too "soft" or too much like the mandala was glowing. Black felt like a better fit for the illusion of depth and the more "rigid" feel overall.

Although while I was in the process of changing the lines from white to black, I was very tempted to leave it in a half-state where some of the uppers layers were in black and the lower ones were still white. That got vetoed for consistency's sake, but it did cause me to go back and play with some of the contrast in the background a little more to kind of echo the idea.

I was also very tempted to try dark brown or sepia lines for this one, but, say it with me: I decided not to to keep things simple and consistent.

The final product doesn't necessarily look that much like what I originally had in mind...But to be fair, my original vision was pretty fuzzy. At least unlike yesterday, there isn't too much I feel like I'd change or do all that differently if I had to do it over.

I do hope I can say at least that much about tomorrow's piece—Tomorrow is shaping up to be a busy day in my offline life, so I'm a little bit concerned about how I'm going to fit Obscutober in...But that's a key point of the challenge, right? 😅

There's definitely a joke in here somewhere about "use your time wisely," but I can't quite put it together, so you Sparklers will have to think on it and let me know if you can figure one out. 😉 Until tomorrow, Sparklers... 🤗

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See the Prompt List

Artwork  © me, MysticSparklewings

Obscutober Concept Inspired by nikolas_tower

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[myfairkatiecat]

Directors Commentary on mirrored conflicts pls? 🥹

OOOOH ONE OF MY FAVORITE FICS THAT I AM WRITING!

The biggest challenge writing mirrored conflicts is that since it’s a Sokeefe AU, I have to set up the Sokeefe romance, which is only good if it’s in character—and these characters are SLOW. I can have Keefe immediately recognize how pretty Sophie looks, but that’s about IT as far as I can go given how long these idiots took when they started out as friends, and in the AU they start out as ENEMIES.

The plot is based significantly on the events of Lodestar, and everything up til then proceeded mostly the same as normal, just without Keefe existing. So when Sophie and Keefe interact, it’s within this context of the lodestar plotline with the symbol and the neverseen going after Sophie’s family and ultimately the peace summit. They’re also training at exillium to explode things with their minds, which definitely will make its way into this fic bc Shannon should use that more often. But at the same time Sophie is sort of investigating what’s going on with this “nemesis” character of hers who she kind of likes interacting with.

I try to get into the heads of the characters to move the romance along as fast as is actually realistic for these idiots, which is still PAINFULLY slow, but makes for a better fic! I was able to realistically get them over the “enemies” hurdle with their relatability with each other and the fact that both of them are suffocating under the expectations of their respective organizations and talking to someone who expects nothing of them is like a breath of fresh air, even if they ideologically disagree. Still, Sophie is SUPER careful—at least, until this most recent chapter—so getting her to even admit that they’re friends is terrifying for her, and I’m trying to portray that realistically! After all, they’re meeting in secret, and Sophie should theoretically be telling the black swan everything she finds out about her nemesis, but instead, she really likes him and doesn’t want to hurt him.

Getting the characters to a point where the romance can begin is DIFFICULT, because I’ve even gotten to the point where sophie admits that there’s no way she can stay away from him, but even then she’s only admitting that he draws her in. Keefe calls her a breath of fresh air in his narration. And they mean this all in a very friendly way, which again, getting them to admit that they’re FRIENDS is the first hurdle I have to get over, though I think we’re finally there!

Sophie throws caution to the wind in the latest chapter, deciding to fully trust Keefe—at least, outside of their organizational conflict. They sorts create their own world away from everything else where they can just exist, which BOTH OF THEM NEED, and sets up a very special and unique relationship between them that I think I achieved in a manner that realistic to their characters!

Keefe definitely falls first in every universe, and you can tell in the latest chapter that he’s closer to noticing her in that way, though he isn’t thinking about it like that. He’s drawn in by her and he knows there’s something about it that’s different than normal, though he isn’t sure what, and he has no trouble admitting that she’s “objectively beautiful” in his head because that doesn’t involve any of his own feelings (but what if it does?)

Sophie hasn’t noticed him romantically yet, but one of the most important aspects of Sokeefe is that it’s not Sophie’s internal narration that gives away how much she cares for Keefe, but her actions. Throughout all of canon, you can tell Sophie is in love with him even though she never once considers that she might have a crush on him until book 9, because her unconditional love was shown to the audience through her actions and then when she got to stellarlune she was like “oh… was that love? I think that’s love. I think I’m in love. “ which was like. FINALLY. But we already knew. She was the last to know, and I plan on making mirrored conflicts follow the same pattern! It’s clear to US that she’s in love, and at some point keefe does admit his own feelings to himself, but Sophie takes forever to realize how she really feels.

I adore writing this fic! Thank you for asking about it!

[grimvestige]

I'm trying something new and giving a little public update about Pursuer of truth~!!

This month I worked on lineart for the comic mostly! It’s the most difficult step for me, so it was definitely nice to get over that hurdle in one month.

Read more of the recap

[toreii]

Behind the Scenes: The Magical World Where Villains Shine

Source: App Store

DO NOT REPOST OR UPLOAD ELSEWHERE

“Twisted Wonderland” is a twisted and distorted world where humans who use magic and mysterious things coexist. Led by the magic mirror, and lost in this distinct world, you search for a way to return to your original world, but it seems it is not easy.

What awaits is a prestigious magician training school called “Night Raven College”, and students who are always causing trouble. In a school with seven dormitories related to the legends of their predecessors called “Great Seven”, you will be involved in one turmoil after another.

Based On Disney’s Villains

The great attraction of this work is that the seven dormitories and magicians in the school are drawn based on the villains that appear in Disney animation works and their world views.

The seven dormitories at Night Rave College are Alice in Wonderland, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Snow White, Hercules, and Sleeping Beauty. Some people may immediately recognize the faces of the formidable villains who stood in the way of the hero.

For example, Riddle Rosehearts, the housewarden of Heartslabuyl dormitory, which was created in the image of Alice in Wonderland, sticks strictly to following the rules, and punishes those who break them. His personality is similar to the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, and the personalities of the dorm students around Riddle also mirror the card soldiers surrounding their queen.

Yana Toboso’s passion that gave birth to the original idea and characters

Where did the ideas for the world and characters of “Disney Twisted Wonderland” come from? Yana Toboso, who is also a manga artist, holds they key to creating the creative elements.

“I love constraints and enjoy aiming for the best despite the hurdles”

Original draft, main scenario, character design: Yana Toboso

“Before receiving this offer, I had turned down long term project proposals because I still have a serialized manga called “Black Butler”. I liked the characters, so without hesitation, I replied, “I’ll do it!” Even the editor in charge of the manga said “You’ll definitely get it” before seeing the project, like something from a foreign drama, and it really turned out to be true.

What’s more, at that stage, we hadn’t decided what to make other than a game with villains as the theme, so we began planning with Aniplex (the planning and production company). At first, I thought when you think of Disney, you think of Hollywood. Since Disney has a number of rules to establish a work that is familiar to young and old around the world, many ideas other than this actor training game were rejected. After that, we came up with the idea of making a school game, which has been recognized overseas as a game genre unique to Japan.”

Ms. Toboso continued to submit plans for about six months until the concept of the game matched the current one. In order to explain the idea, the image of “Twisted Wonderland” was formed while assembling the story, imagining the elements of the game, and drawing pictures.

“Even with manga, I would come up with ideas over and over again until I got the OK from the editor-in-chief, and then work together with the editor in charge to brush it up. I enjoy constraints and enjoy aiming for the best despite the hurdles and decisions in game production. Because it was a pre-developmental game, I could express all the imaginary rhythm games, UI (user interface), battle scenes, etc., with pictures. I think the reason why I was able to clean up “Twst” until the release is that I was able to break through the parts that were difficult to imagine and verbalize with the power of drawing.”

The Message Entrusted to Villains

In the main story of this work, you will get to interact with each of the seven dormitories, and get to know the unique students. In the process, various aspects of their lives are depicted, and sometimes the weaknesses and troubles of the spiteful students secretly harbor come to light. The depth of the story and character modeling is also something Ms. Toboso worked hard on.

“The story and character creation progressed almost simultaneously. The story itself is an homage to the fate of the villains that appear in Disney films, but when placing the characters, it’s no good if the characters or the story come first. While sharing the plot up until the end of the story with Disney first, if only the main plot proceeded it, it tends to become linear and uninteresting, so I built and submitted character makeup and sub-episodes at the same time. It took me a year to start writing the scenario in earnest, repeating the process of having it checked in detail, and fixing what was returned.”

Also, all Disney films have a universal story, so the underlings of the villains are a bit comical and can’t stand up to the boss. I had a hard time giving individuality to the multiple characters I created. For example, when creating four student characters based on the card soldiers from Alice in Wonderland, or the poison apple itself from Snow White. I specifically put myself in the position of a card soldier, tried to feel like an apple, wrote it down, and complied it. The apple didn’t want to become a poison apple, but it was forcibly chosen by the Queen because it looked the most delicious among the fruits in the basket. It’s reluctant. I thought so? And so on.

Then, while we were working out the individuality of each character, we had a thick set-up material for each character before the start of distribution. I asked the voice cast to read it from the stage when there were only two lines during the recording, so I was surprised at the amount of information.”

What happens when the villains confront their weaknesses and stubbornness in Ms. Toboso’s story? It contains a positive message we want users to feel.

“The origin of Disney films is a happy ending with good deeds and love, but I think villains are people who aren’t saved in the story. That’s why I intend for the message in the game to be that even if we are defeated and have a bad end, let’s live without being discouraged by it.

Being uncool, undisciplined, not reflecting, being defiant, are not so bad as they say. I want to depict positively about not caring about others, and live honestly with myself. People living in modern society are afraid of failure or feel living with great care, but there is no one without flaws. Trying to live without being hated by anyone is exhausting, isn’t it?”

Original Culture Woven With Costumes

One of the elements of “Disney Twisted Wonderland” is the character costume. Ms. Toboso expresses the difficulty of creating completely original costumes for each of the seven dormitories, while interpreting the world of the films that serve as the source of the image as clothing.

“The design started with dormitory clothes that were inspired by the world of the original work. Different countries, cultures, and eras exist side by side in a single school, so while it is modern, I aimed to create a feeling that each carries their respective world view. In addition, we checked repeatedly to make sure we avoided plagiarism of cultures, or imitate existing fashion brands. In fact, I drew a number of costume proposals close to three times that of those adopted in the game.

For example, with the Pomefiore dormitory uniform for Snow White, the more elements were added, the more the impression and image of the classical animation were separated. It was difficult, and as a result, instead of just thinking about the elements, I decided to rebuild from the silhouette. By intentionally incorporating the elements of kimono, which Japanese think of as classical, I ended up with a design that gives off a simple yet luxurious impression of “Snow White”.

Also, with the dormitory uniform of Diasomnia dorm in Sleeping Beauty, I wanted to incorporate into the design the relationship of Maleficent and Goon, a minion wearing black armor. So, the material is made of leather, and both classical and hard. Furthermore, at the time of design, I incorporated harnesses (belts for the body) that were trending in the high fashion world.

While being conscious of today’s high fashion, it is important to express the unique culture of “Twst” in event costumes and so on. For example, in event costumes for “Harveston’s Kelkkarotu” and “Sunset Savanna’s Tamashina-mina”, we did not reinterpret existing ethnic costumes, but rather started setting the history of clothing that can be considered from local sunshine hours and climate.

Because it is a land with heavy snow, and short hours of sunshine, people spend more time indoors, and the culture of embroidery is developed. Or, in hot lands, fabrics like cotton or hemp that are breathable are probably dyed, so the color will be like this. This way, I design the culture and history of textiles in the world of “Twisted Wonderland”.

There are also other costumes that have been repeatedly checked and modified over the course of nearly two years. Costumes are often summoned with money, so I think that it has to be of a quality that makes you think you actually bought it at a fashionable department store. In addition, the D-6th staff (in my office) has a professional qualification in dressmaking and patterning, so even the back style, and how to put it on and take it off are designed so you can actually wear it. However, since this is a world with magic, I value not only reality, but fantasy and dreamy designs. If the parts are sewn on, it would be awkward, so let’s stick them together with magic.”

The Magnificent Story of Twst

Since its release in 2020, the world of “Twisted Wonderland” in which you, the main character, is lost, has shown a magnificent development along with the main story written by Ms. Toboso. Ms. Toboso talks about the passion from the creation and developmental scenes.

“I had never drawn anything but manga, and my main target audience was women. Aniplex, which does not have a lot of game production experience, and f4samurai, which handles development and management on site, took on the challenge of creating a genre work for the first time. I think one if the reasons for this is that the distance between the three companies is close. Each meeting is fun. It’s not like I’m working backwards from game production, but I’m not surprised by my ideas. It feels like we’ve been doing trial and error together for a long time.

The story, which has 35,000 characters in book 1, has become a volume of over 250,000 characters by book 6. Up to book 3, the users probably didn’t have a lot of feelings yet about the characters, so first, I made it compact so that they could understand the world of “Twst”. However, when it was actually released, I felt that the players read the story more than I expected. So now, I am writing with a denser amount of information than I anticipated during the preparation period. From now on, not only on the vertical and horizontal axes of the story, but also the spread of elements such as the present, past, and future will be incorporated, and the scale will be quite large. Please look forward to book 7 (currently available up to part 2)!

As I write the story, I think that if you can deepen mutual understanding without bending yourself, or if you can think flexibly, the villain will surely be insanely strong. The foundation of this game is to become stronger by understanding the way of thinking of others who are different from you, and by understanding their strengths and weaknesses. It may be similar to our stance in making this game. I think I’ve become stronger since I’ve been involved with the development of “Twst”. As a manga artist, it was my first challenge to create a game. I was surprised at first where my special skills were no good, the team members were meeting for the first time, we weren’t used to the culture of the game industry, and were judged strictly from the perspective of a global game rather than the entertainment unique to Japan. As a result, even if one method doesn’t work, instead of conflicting, we can change the method and challenge it.

In the story, they are villains, so they don’t admit defeat, but they admit to each other “You’ll do it.” Even if we dislike each other, we can still recognize each other’s abilities. We will continue to create games with an unwavering spirit of villains, and we hope that our users will continue to enjoy it.”

[spockandawe]

I’m a fairly beginner bookbinder (I’ve done pamphlets and coptic bindings with paper and book cloth) and your posts about the k118 binding are incredibly compelling. I’m currently typesetting a fic that I’m going to need to break into two 500 page volumes and wanted to try doing a case binding for them. Would the k118 be too difficult as a starting place for case bindings?

Oooh. Let me see! This is a slightly tricky question, because until you get into the mechanics of how all the pieces are assembled, it isn't clear how k118 and casebindings differ. It's like one of those things where you look at two identical animals and are like 'what do you MEAN they aren't related???' I'm going to go into probably unnecessary detail below, but the bottom line up front is that I don't think the k118 will be a good choice until you have some more experience with either hardcovers with closed spines (no matter how a style tackles it, this complicates construction compared to coptic). But I like the k118 binding a lot, so I want to explain why I think that and what the big hurdles to reach that point are!

First, here's the post that I was sent when I first learned about k118, and then here's a link to a tag on the blog of another bookbinder who enjoyed playing with this style. I learned primarily from that first link, but I've also fumbled my way through some similar styles before, which i drew on to bridge the gap between pictures and instructions. I believe this is the DAS video where I learned about covering tightbacked leather bindings. The other times before k118 that I've done this, I did laced on boards where I sewed on cords and then threaded those cords through my cover boards to fix them in place (very cool, but hard, and messier than I anticipated)

Once a k118 is done, it will look a lot like a rounded casebound book! But the distinction is that k118 is built and covered right on the text block (similar to a coptic binding), and a casebinding involves building the case (cover boards and spine stiffener, plus covering material) completely separately from your text block, and the final step is uniting them. I do like casebindings a lot, I do a lot of flat-backed styles where a spine board makes things look nice and crisp, and I can zone out and build a case on autopilot.

These are my cases for 2ha, for example. I made all thirteen of them and finished the covering material like this, and if one of them had gotten fucked, I could have restarted that case without the text block being affected at all. I like these a lot, they're probably 99% of what I've made!

Now, I don't have photos of how tightbacked bindings are covered, because even for k118 they're a sweaty-palmed race against time where you wrap a wet, floppy, adhesive-soaked piece of material around a three-dimensional object, and try not to get adhesive on your pages or the outside of the material. I might have done it with bookcloth, but it's really a style meant for leather and wheat paste. You usually make an ad hoc sheath for your text block so that they're shielded while the covers are free, but my locked tomb book definitely has a spot where paste got on the edges anyways!

Both casebinding and k118 use a text block where the spine is stabilized with glue first, so it will have fewer wiggles than a coptic book. I start with the book spine up, and take my pasted out covering material, and lower it centered over the spine. That helps me keep the material overall centered as the book object gets more complicated to handle, and if you're using leather (which stretches), you can tug downward at both covers to keep things taut and crisp. I don't think the process is terrible so far, though it may be tricky if you aren't used to such demanding glue control! The tough part is doing the turn-ins, which is where the DAS video will be much more informative than I'm about to be.

Now, your book has material glued to it along the spine and both covers. There should be flappy overhangs on all edges, and odds are good that some paste has squished out onto these even if you were careful. This is the part where using paste specifically is important, since it has a slower dry time than pva - when you paste out your turn-ins, at the head and tail of the spine, you'll need to pull your covering material away from the spine to make a space for that material to tuck in. It will go around the cover boards but underneath the spine. this is always a tricky mess, I keep a clean poking tool on hand so I can prod material into the gap, because my fingers won't want to fit. Also, as you're feeding material into the glue hole, you're trying not to get adhesive on the outside of the book. A damp cloth can save things if you spot it fast, and wheat paste will wipe off leather, but pva or fabric will be less forgiving. Bookcloth is also less forgiving for being pulled up and repositioned that way, there's a reason I didn't photograph the spine on efface the footprints!

I don't want to be discouraging here! I think the style is VERY doable, but it's still a hike in difficulty where mistakes will be punished with glue. I tried a tightbacked binding with boards sewn on cords at a point where I was already very confident with casebindings, with leather that was a gift and not a purchase, and still got punched hard in the ego. If you do want to dive into traditional style leather bindings, then yes, absolutely recommend this style. It's much easier than laced on boards, I just recommend watching das's videos on covering books like these, and edge paring leather is its own skill set I'm still not very good at.

(also, if you want to pursue leather, material sourcing gets complicated. 1-2 oz veg tanned goat leather is ideal, you won't want it more then ~1.5 mm thick if possible, and then you're SUPPOSED to pare parts thinner with specialty knives (or sand them). Bookbinding stores will sell this stuff for wild amounts of money, or it's possible to find affordable hides elsewhere, but it is definitely a niche product. Cow hides are not worth it. Vellum sourcing is also annoying, my current books have been done with vellum PAPER, so we'll see how long they live. I'm optimistic! But true vellum can be purchased as scraps or offcuts from calligraphy places, or a comment from a conservationist on one of my prior posts recommended tyvek)

If you want to to work with bookcloth and paper, I strongly recommend working with casebindings or other adhesive-heavy styles until you're comfortable enough with those to get adventurous. A casebound book can be rounded as well to deal with spine swell! If a book is flat-backed, the case is worked flat and you don't have to deal with the third dimension until you glue it to your text block. If you have a curved spine, you probably want to pre-curve your spine stiffener a little first, but it's still MOSTLY flat. This style is still going to be most of what I make! I'm planning to keep k118 for books that need to open flat af (two pending wedding guestbooks, which is why I was testing it so hard here), or for full leather bindings. It's much, much nicer than the other tightbacked styles I've tried so far, but all of them are still an escalation in difficulty and fuss from my usual books!

Tl;dr, if you want to go hard on leather, i do recommend this, but advise you watch LOTS of reference material on leather first. Leather is very complicated and annoying, the learning curve is real, but I find it VERY rewarding to work with. If you want to stick to cloth and paper, I think it might be a discouraging jump in difficulty for the moment, but could still be in reach soon! A lot of my rhapsodizing comes from that lingering frustration/anxiety of my first struggles with tightbacked bindings, and I would hate to set someone up for that same pit trap when it isn't necessary.

There we are, that's enough wall of text for now! I hope something in here is helpful. I think a casebinding is your best bet for this project, and VERY attainable, but if your heart is set on learning k118 someday, I don't think it's FAR out of reach. I just want you to have a good time with this big project!! :D