#it’s been an on-and-off project for almost a year-ish

[uh-oh-its-bird]

There are so many naruto time travel fics out there but what I need SPECIFICALLY is an ANBU era team of Kakashi, Tenzo, Itachi, and Shisui getting flung into the founders era.

Like. Ok just looking from the political side of it that's;

A) 2 very young and VERY powerful Uchiha's (one of which is the future clan head!! Politics!!)

B) A very fucked up baby mokuton user who's still in the middle of being deprogrammed and can totally pass for Senju

C) The free wild card that is Hatake clan lore on top of having a stolen sharingan. On top of *that* him being the team leader of a team of kids who, in the time period context, should both be at eachothers throats and probably not be expected to obey the commands of someone not only from another clan but a way smaller one

Theres SO much potential there!! So many political implications in virtually ALL of the directions!!!!

Yk what as I'm typing this out I'm having ✨️ideas✨️ so let's make some story points to sort those out:

• I think itd be neat to have this happen like. A year? Ish? Before the massacre? So age wise, and full disclaimer I'm referencing Google and Wikipedia rn so I could totally be wrong, I think that's :

Kakashi (18)

Tenzo (17)

Itachi (12)

Shisui (15)

Could be wrong about the ages but honestly it's my world you're just living in it, so.

Then me going totally purely off of my own headcannons, were going to say they came in a about a year before Izuna died and place the founders ages as:

Madara (23)

Hashirama (23)

Izuna (19)

Tobirama (18)

Big fan of Tobirama being the youngest between the 4 but projecting the aura of someone as old as like. Idk, however old Madara is. Very funny to me, 10/10

• I'm personally a big fan of dogteeth kakashi so we're running with that all the way home. Also a huge fan of the "Hatake's are a distant, more feral cousin of Inuzuka clan" hc along with some sprinklings of "back in the day they had a bit of a Reputation(tm) for being a 'lill wild, and everyone generally tries to avoid them. Which isn't too much of a problem because theyre a very small out of the way clan from Iron, they just have a big reputation in contrast to their size.

In more modern times tho, along with (obviously) having dwindled down to a single depressed teenager, they've become a lot tamer over the years due to village life. Kakashi is a Hatake, 100%, but he is NOT up to the standards of this time. Which becomes a bit funny when people see him, go "oh FUCK it's a Hatake" and then start edging slowly towards the door like he's about to rip their throat out with his teeth. Meanwhile he's standing there like 🧍‍♂️"am I that ugly."

Give me a scene where, finally used to this reaction to him from the general shinobi population, the team starts to use it to their advantage.

"Give us the scroll or we'll let the Hatake off the leash to have his fun with you. He's been awfully hungry latley you know, hasn't had fresh meat in days"

Kakashi, feeling kind of stupid, gave his best growl.

It caused an almost immediate, embaressed flush to rise to his face, but he didn't let up. It sounded more like an almost pathetic puppy growl than anything to his ears, but apparently it was enough to convince the trembling enemy nin because he slowly lifted the scroll up in offering.

Wow. Now he couldn't tell if he was embaressed for himself or for this guy.

Probably both to be honest.

• So like. Itachi is the clan heir. That's big. That's important. Let's do something with that.

First off, I had a great time reading this one fic (tho I don't even remember what the fic itself was about now, oops) where a plot point of it was how Sasuke is just a walking stereotype of main house Uchiha. Like people look at him and they don't just go "oh that's an Uchiha." They go "oh fuck that's an UCHIHA Uchiha." He's so fucking painfully, obviously related to the very tippy top of the clan that anyone not blind can tell. It's in the way he looks, it's in the way he talks and treats those around him, it's in the way he fucking holds himself. You look at him and every other stereotype about the Uchiha clan is there in big, bold letters. (On top of that he's also a dead wringer for Izuna, which I'm such a sucker for and desperatley wish people would do more with)

So like let's give that to Itachi here because it's so fun for several reasons.

First off; Sasuke in this is like. Straight up a doppelganger of Izuna, just a few generations apart. They could be twins. Itachi, as I'm sure you are aware, is Sasuke's big brother. So let's take some liberties and say that Itachi could absoloutley pass as a blood sibling to Izuna and Madara.

He is however 12, so we're also going to say that the only people who get to make this connection is anyone who's seen the siblings when they were also at a similar age.

On top of that however he has the 'walking amalgamation of all the stereotypes of the main Uchiha house' so anyone who isn't blind will look at him and assume he's somewhere in the sphere of 'important main house person' tho who really knows how distant the relation may be exactly. No one !! That's who !!!

Second; He's the fucking clan heir!! What the fuck!! This bit would have the most impact after all the messy time travel reveals when things have settled down a bit, so it'll sit in the back pocket for a bit. Save it for some fun shaking up later down the line so we don't run out of all the fun reveals too fast and bore the readers, yk?

When it is brought up tho it'd be fun to maybe have some fucky Itachi and Madara mutual understandings of the way things work.

• So. Madara is like a bit of a scary bed time story to Uchiha children, right? Like. "Ooo make sure you don't get too obsessive or fall too deep into your grief and always stay loyal to the village or you'll end up just like Madara!!"

Something something Uchiha-Village relationships are tense as hell, something something Madara fucking over a lot of the clan with his whole. Everything., Something something scapegoat and old stories, something something 'people have probably been talking a lot more about how "god dammit this all started with Madara" in recent years.'

Now with that in mind let's take a look of what our time travelers think of Madara:

Itachi is a good Konoha soldier. Itachi (as has been very much fucking proven) would rather beat a possible problem before it even exists with a hammer till it dies an ugly bloody death than even RISK it blossoming into a proper problem. Itachi does not like Madara. Itachi personally, quietly thinks they should maybe wait till the village is formed then carefully arrange a little accident for him before he goes off the rails. He, even more quietly, maybe even thinks it would be a kindness. Allow him to be remembered well by the village instead of scorned.

Shisui I think is cautiously optimistic about him. He's the kind of guy who gives the benefit of the doubt, who weighs the options, risk and reward, but includes things like hope and compassion in his calculations. Yes, Madara was a uhh. Thing. That happened. But in every story his big blow up always come from one specific event; Izuna's death. So if they stop that from happening, wouldn't it secure both a better future for them and Madara? The history books never went into detail about Izuna, he doesn't know what he's like, but maybe his involvement in the future, on Konoha's side, could lead to even more profits for them long term. At the end of the day he's not against killing Madara (though to be clear, they are at first operating on trying to avoid all interactions with historical events and return home without touching things) but it'd be nice, to manage to get a happy ending for everyone. Unrealistic maybe, but nice.

Mmmm hear me out actually, maybe Shisui, after interacting with him a bit, finds that Madara reminds him of Itachi too. They definatley both have that "I would do unspeakable things to even dream of my loved just one more time" energy, if you know what I mean

Anyways; Kakashi and Tenzo are both neutral on Madara. Yes, they learned about how he betrayed the village when young just like everyone else, but they weren't getting the bed time stories and "do this and you'll end up just like him" warnings like the Uchiha's. They're possibly leaning into negative but are detached from the situation enough to just go "well he hasn't done it yet and his brother is still alive so he won't any time soon" and be done with it

• Now, on the the total opposite side of the spectrum you have Hashirama and Tobirama. People are brought up in Konoha to fucking IDOLIZE these guys. You can not tell me our team of time travelers wouldn't be at least a little awed to speak with them.

I think Tenzo would be the most wide eyed about Hashirama, both for the baseline "holy shit that's the Shodai Hokage" and also that fun juicy mokuton user imposter syndrome he has going on for him. That guys DNA is inside his body!!! Holy shit wait does that mean if someone did a blood relation test with them he might read as being related to him?? Fuck were gonna pocket that for now but like. Mmmmm potential.

I'd say Itachi is the most hesitant about Tobirama but again, village loyalist, so.

You know what tho maybe Shisui is the most hesitant about him (though still largely positive) he both def grew up looking up to him but can also see the anti-Uchiha policies people inact now with the implications that Tobirama would have approved of it. He doesn't know if he would, but like, he has to wonder.

Kakashi is probably the most normal about them (and also has experience in being close to a hokage (Minato) to know that at the end of the day they are painfully human) Don't get me wrong, he's still in some sort of awe! He might get a little lightheaded at the thought of seeing the God of Shinobi in proper battle, or the possibility to see the famed genius of Tobirama with all the different jutsu's he's invented. You can't tell me Kakashi didn't spend a little extra time reading about him when he was trying to make Chidori. Honestly I'm gonna roll with that and say he had a bit of a phase as a kid where he was a total fan boy. Maybe sprinkle in the good old HalfHatake!Tobirama hc to add some faint daydreams a lonley babykashi had after his father's death, about getting to meet him as family. Like cmon, little genius idolizing and projecting on some big history figure only to find out they're actually related? Can you say potential?

Anyways he did eventually grow out of the phase, probably got unattached to it all and lost interest after the whole "losing everything he loved" bit of his life. And at the end of the day, he doesn't have any real complex personal hang ups on the founders like the others do. Thus, most normal.

• And then my favorite most special boy, Izuna !! He's for sure the one they're all most neutral about. He's not actually taught about in the academy? There's probably some throw away line about him in some history books somewhere, but he died young and was quickly buried by the looming shadow of Konoha. The only real knowledge had about him in modern times is just a vague "Yeah he got killed by Tobirama which lead to peace being made but also lead to Madara losing his shit"

Poor Izuna he's the linchpin for it all but was left an unremarkable footnote of history. My boy deserves so much better

Tenzo doesn't actually even know who he is, that boy got bare minimum education under Danzo and Izuna was NOT included.

Itachi and Shisui mmmaybe have some small little fun fact here or there buried in stories from the older members of the clans but like. It's gonna amount to just "yeah he had a great katon" and thats about it.

I WILL SAY HOWEVER. Itachi sees him and instantly is that one PTSD dog meme. Sasuke is a BABY but holy shit Izuna looks exactly like he'd expect him to grow up as and it's making him FEEL THINGS. Also he's so bratty little brother coded !! He's an entire 7 years older than Itachi but Ifachi keeps fucking up and trying to big brother him it's embaressing.

And ofc Itachi didn't go into the first meeting thinking he'd see some weird older mirror version of his beloved baby brother who he misses and worries about very very much. So like. There's for sure going to be some conflict there. If their first meeting is a scuffle (which it probably will be) I think Itachi would keep hesitating to attack. On full run away mode. Which is probably for the best bc he shouldn't try to fight Izuna anyways honey he's like double your bodyweight and you're strong but you aren't THAT strong.

• Pointing back at both the 'Itachi does not like Madara and has quiet thoughts about how it'd possibly be in everyone's interest to just kill him' and the 'Itachi and Madara quietly bond over being clain head/heir during stressful times (w pressure from the elders especially)

I can see 2 outcomes of a potential bonding conversation with them:

1) They come to understand eachother better.

Madara wants to be on good terms, he looks at this kid and sees one of his brothers eyes and the others quiet determination. He can tell Itachi doesn't like him for some reason, and it's frustrating because he doesn't know why. He wants him to like him. He wants to be able to offer his hand and have it taken. It hurts, to be looked at with such suspicion from a face that has traces of Izuna's.

Meanwhile Itachi . . . Itachi looks at Madara and he sees someone who gets it. Gets it like no one ever has. It scares him. He looks up at this man, this horror story he's been told to fear becoming, and he sees himself. And this realization shakes him. It makes him think, makes him wonder. He's so, so sure of his loyalty to Konoha. More sure than he is of anything else in the world. But . . . But if something happened to Sasuke, if he had to choose—

And maybe it softens something in him too, along with the (honestly healthy) dose of fear. It forms a little crack in his shell, just enough to maybe, maybe let Madara through. Just a hair.

Or 2) we pull one of those "The conversation ends with them agreeing verbally but mentally they're on 2 VERY different notes."

Madara, nodding and looking at Itachi meaningfully: "Yeah it can be hard, but all we can really do is try to make the world a safer place for the ones we love. (To create Konoha, to keep my clan safe. Izuna safe. And now to keep you safe too.)

Itachi, nodding slowly: "Yeah. No matter how hard it is (even though I think I understand you more than anyone else Ive ever met) we have to try to make the world a safer place (by killing you in your sleep once Konoha is formed) for the ones we love (My clan. My village. Sasuke.)"

• Also pointing back at the 'Hatake warring clan era reputation,' the 'Tobirama is half Hatake' and also now pointing at Tobirama's title as the White Demon. Small thing but it'd be neat if there was some small throw away line that the nickname lowkey started in part because of the absoloutley terrifying reputation of the Hatake combined with Tobirama's own Everything(tm) like it just had some influence on how some view him. Give me Uchiha's making dog jokes ab him it'll be funny

• Ok but now the actual plot thoughts. Yeah I know I kept you waiting sorry about that.

So time travel! Probably due to a mission gone wrong. Some ruins or some ancient crumbling scroll that wasn't even supposed to do fucking time travel but was so old and corroded that it somehow managed to transform into a whole other seal by pure bad luck. Or good luck I guess, considering it could have just turned into a nuke.

Our favorite team of disasters are very very alarmed !!! What the fuck !!! Obviously they don't default to thinking time travel, but they immediatley know something is wrong. The landscape has changed, though the big landmarks are still there. The mission was complete anyways with no injuries so they just retreat to Konoha. Only oops !! It's not fucking there!!!

Queue alarm.

Shisui is the first one to suggest time travel because he's quirky like that. And there's a very easy way to confirm this theory.

(Also we're going to say that Konoha's location is a valley a few miles out from the Naka River that borders the Senju / Uchiha territories.)

This is convenient because that verification method involves checking in on where Itachi and Shisui know the old Uchiha compound should rest.

They do it in full stealth mode, the second they saw Konoha was missing Kakashi as team leader decided they'd treat the land as enemy territory. They all agreed ofc, for all they knew this WAS enemy territory now.

And, ofc, yeah!! There's the old Uchiha compound!! Being active!!! There are people there!!!

"What are the odds Fugaku-sama decided to have the clan return to their homeland for ahh, cultural enrichment?" Kakashi asked weakly.

"Time travel." Was the only reply he got from Shisui, whispered reverently as the boy vibrated with excitement on the branch.

Itachi just gave him a look, radiating a level of dissaproving disbelief that no normal 12 year old should be able to make. Kakashi would know, he was that not-normal 12 year old once.

From there they decide a no interference policy. Hands off guys!! They probably debate it tho, like, a good amount. They all have ✨️opinions✨️ except maybe Tenzo who's lowkey still in the middle of trying to learn how to be a person and is following Kakashi's lead 99% of the time. Especially since they're still in mission mode and this is like a super serious discussion and he really does know the least ab the founders overall.

They probably debate the merits of going to Uzushiogakure bc seal help but it's really far and they don't actually have like, just any leverage with them. They already decided not to fuck with the future so it isn't like they can trade secrets and warnings. At least if shit happens here they have some plausible deniability, being, yk, 2 uchiha's and a senju-passing guy with Mokuton. Kakashi's kinda fucked tho in that regard but he isn't going to be doing the party ANY favors with his clan heritage.

Which means it's time to potentially get desperate enough to interact with Tobirama !!! Which will inevitably lead to them bumping into a Uchiha patrol or something!!! I don't know honestly

• Anyways want Hashirama and Tenzo to interact. He has so many issues like holy shit. Let Hashirama give him the hug he deserves. I want him to violently adopt him. New brother acquired!!!

I said before but Tenzo is still reprogramming from ROOT. Let Hashirama impact that! Let him help! They can make flower crowns and photosynthesize together idk

Hashirama would be so happy to have another mokuton user, I think they should be able to sense eachother extra strong and like 'ping' off of eachothers chakra, it'll be fun

▪︎ I'm not thinking toooo hard about power scaling and this is fanfiction so a) don't quote me on this and b) for the love of all that is holy don't take my words as gospel

But for this fic specifically I'm ranking the founders and Team Ro, weakest to strongest (in a clean, fair fight head on w no time to prepare) :

Itachi (he's fucking 12 guys. But also he is like. FRACTIONS under Tenzo and Shisui. If he were 13 I'd let him be above or at the same level but like. He's 12. Cmon.)

Tenzo - Shisui (they're like JUST under the next 2 tho like seconds behind)

Izuna - Tobirama

Kakashi ( by the skin of his fucking teeth and the advantage that is his stupid amount of jutsu's and lack of self preservation)

Madara - Hashirama

And again that's not counting like. The specific situations, time given to prepare, potential dirty tricks they could play (I think the Konoha tricks would play a fraction dirtier than the others, who are slightly more used to big open battles vs the ANBU squad who does all sorts of shit in all sorts of places) plus like. Mental state and team ups.

Tenzo or Shisui couldn't take down Izuna or Tobirama but if they teamed up I'd allow it. Kakashi would get his ass kicked by Hashirama or Madara but he could survive a minutes longer than the others would

Itachi is doing his best

But like

He's 12 guys

I love him and he is terrifyingly competent but he won't win 1 on 1 with anyone unless he has some sort of advantage. Minus Shisui and Tenzo who he does have the advantage of regularly fighting, so.

• I think they do get to go back home in the end. It takes a ton of work tho and they probably do need to get Mito's help with it, Kakashi can show them the seal they got brought here with but it's an ACTUAL one in a trillion miracle it didn't fucking atomize them. So it needs a lot of touch ups

Anyways !!!

I have a little more rattling around in my brain but I'm really tired and also starting to think about other things now so I'm gonna stop here. Might come back and add to it later so stay tuned if you're into that

Full disclaimer I'm not gonna write this. I don't have the proper energy and it'd probably end up being too ambitious of a project if I tried. I'd love to see it happen tho, so like !! Big open invitation to absoloutley anyone who might want to take even a fraction of the ideas I've listed.

@ me if you do tho I wanna see the final product

[forgingtheblade]

DID YOU KNOW THAT MINECRAFT HAS LOOMS???, aka, THE WEAVING WRITEUP

part two: get that bad boy ON THE LOOM

part 1 part 3

weaving is, at its core, a series of incredibly tedious yet incredibly meditative tasks.

i don’t think i can make this post be a fully comprehensive how-to of those tasks, especially considering it’s been almost a year since i wove on a floor loom, but i will try my best :’)

the first part is tying the yarns on. when taking the warp threads off of the warping board (which i talked about in the last post!) i tie them into bundles of a specific amount of threads, evenly distributed across the full amount. each of those gets tied on individually to the back of the loom, which i forget the name of. these are spread out basically across 2 inches of finished width per bundle, or in my case 24 strings per. ish. since I was working with 200 warp threads.

After tying those on, they get cranked on to the back of the loom and pulled across the back to the front though the harnesses under tension, where it’s now time to thread the loom!

This style of loom works by lifting different combinations of threads by lifting each harness with a pedal. Raising different combinations of threads will create different designs, changing where the horizontal thread or weft is going over and under.

My plan was to create two banners on the same warp, and in order to not have to entirely rethread the loom after the first one, I threaded it in such a way that different patterns were possible. This was, perhaps predictably, tedious. I don’t really know exactly how to explain weaving drafts, but this is the one I was using to thread the loom. The horizontal row at the top corresponds to which of the four harnesses each thread goes through, while the vertical column on the right shows which combinations of pedals need to be pressed at what time to actually create this pattern.

(Weaving draft via Liz on Handweaving.net in 2004)

due to the nature of this draft, it’s also possible to use this threading to create a plain weave—a simple one thread up, one thread down pattern that’s probably your first thought when it comes to weaving. I wanted to create one banner in plain weave and one in the pattern weave above.

Threading was very tedious, but ultimately as long as I was paying attention and keeping meticulous track of where in the 46 thread wide loop I had left off when I had to leave, it wasn’t that bad.

After threading, the threads are individually pulled though the slots or dents on a reed, which serves as both the beater to knock threads into place and as a means to keep them perfectly spaced out while actually weaving.

Then, the threads are tied to another bar at the front of the loom, and you’re ready to weave!

Here’s the two different weave patterns I used for this project!

Each of these I created the V shape at the bottom by just progressively leaving more and more threads out of the weave as I worked my way back and forth. After taking them off the loom, the top and bottom were turned and hemmed on a sewing machine. i tied some of the excess threads on each banner into tassels!

My next post will be sharing some about the embroidery process to create the emblem itself, and my future plans for the pattern woven banner that still doesn’t have any embroidery on it.

[ivystoryweaver]

Still With You

A With You standalone sequel - can be read on its own

"Salvaging discarded things knocked the edge off wanting to drink."

"...but where Marc's hands restored and your hands healed and Steven's hands inspired and instructed, Jake had brutal hands."

based on this nonnie and this @purple-amaranthe request

Pairing: Marc, Steven, Jake x gn!reader || Word Count: 3.2k

Content: they're all trying hard ok, domestic life, self worth probs, mentions of alcoholism/drinking, angst-ish, domestic fluff, moon dads-to-be, romance, sensual content, but nothing explicit

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

MARC

10:58 A.M.

Florescent lights flickered out an annoying buzz in the otherwise silent waiting room.

Thumbing through an outdated parenting magazine, you intermittently pointed out cute toys or outfits to your husband, who would grant you a curt nod each time.

Realizing you likely weren't helping the situation, you set the magazine aside and covered his hand with your own, if only to stop his fidgeting. "Almost time."

Marc squeezed your hand, grateful for your grounding touch. "You're sure we're not late?"

"We're right on time. It's still not even 11:00."

"Okay," he huffed out, his knee bouncing of its own accord. The cheap vinyl of his chair squeaked as he shifted, attempting to externally calm and internal storm.

You smiled at him sympathetically, remembering how far he'd come to even get to this point.

Just yesterday, he paced the floor half the evening, pushing his hands tormentedly through his curls over and over.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

"They'll never approve me," he lamented. "I'm not...they'll think I'm not ready."

"Baby, we've taken all the classes. We've passed the home inspection." You nodded around at your new bedroom, eyes landing on the salvaged and restored night table he presented to you a while back.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Marc had taken on several projects since then, turning one bedroom of your new place into a workshop and the other into a nursery.

"Do you think she'll like girl colors?" He asked, flipping through paint swatches at the local hardware store.

"Uhh, what are 'girl colors'?" You smirked.

He swatted your nose with his finger. "I'm trying to pick out what color to paint that vintage toy chest I restored for Akeyla."

Your heart melted at the sound of your future daughter's name, not to mention the fact that Marc had put together nearly every piece in her nursery himself.

When he wasn't on a mission for Khonshu, he liked to keep his hands busy. Sometimes that meant his hands were all over you for "stress relief." Otherwise, he would drive around town in the old truck he bought, looking for unwanted and discarded furniture to fix up, repurpose for the house, or sell.

He still labeled himself unemployed, but he sold a few refurbished pieces a month, which more than paid for the hobby, his truck insurance and even left some spending money.

Salvaging discarded things knocked the edge off wanting to drink.

"Maybe like...turquoise?" He prodded, tracing his fingers over a row of various blues and greens. When you neglected to answer what you assumed was a rhetorical question, he assumed it was a no.

"Or purple? Sweetheart?" The full intensity of the Marc Spector stare fell on you as he waited for the verdict.

"Sorry." You smiled at him, nodding toward the turquoise swatches. "Trust your instincts. You're always right." Leaning closer, you kissed him adoringly on the cheek.

"That's not what you said about the yellow bench," he chuckled, selecting a swatch labeled "Ebbtide".

"That's pretty, I like it."

Marc needed to hear your words. After a couple years of marriage, you knew this now more than ever. Whether telling him what you needed in bed, or giving your seal of approval for his newest restoration project, he valued your opinion more than anything and it meant so much to him to hear you voice it.

Akeyla's nursery had been ready for weeks. The vintage toy chest was the final touch. Marc found a rocking chair, a book case that Steven requested, and chest of drawers to restore. You drew the line at a creaky old toddler bed. Steven went with you to pick that out, brand new.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

It was finally here. Today was the day you would meet your little girl.

You weren't ready to take her home yet - that was longer process - but you would meet her and start visits. Very soon, she would enter your home through the foster system, and after a while, she would be yours forever, by adoption.

"What if they change their minds?" Marc urgently whispered, there in the waiting room, gripping your hand so tightly it hurt. "They'll want to put her somewhere without someone - "

"Marc," you reminded him, "they know all about us. It's okay."

"I know, but - what if they find out about Khon- "

"Hi, are you the Spectors?" a kindly voice interrupted Marc's fussing.

A smartly dressed young woman holding a tablet adjusted her glasses and smiled.

"Yes," you quickly answered, standing up and pulling Marc with you. "That's us. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." She shook each of your hands. "Ready to meet her?"

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

"What if I..." Marc whispered against your temple, holding you against him in bed the night before. "I want to be there to meet her, but if I'm not, it isn't because I..." He shifted restlessly, trying to explain.

"You know what I always say," you gently reminded him, raking one hand through the curls resting above his ear.

"It's our body," he repeated your words back to you. "Whoever's there is there. It's not a problem."

"Exactly," you remind him. "I know you want to meet Akeyla as much as Steven, Jake and I do. I know that."

"I do," he breathlessly repeated, and you realized it might be a long night, when he added, "I just don't want to scare her. What if she doesn't understand, you know, how we are?"

"Baby, come here," You pulled his head down to your chest, wrapping him up tightly, pressing soothing kisses along his hairline. He wasn't voicing any fears he hadn't already talked through a dozen times with you, his sponsor and his therapist, not to mention his alters.

"Sorry," he murmured against the smooth column of your neck. Shifting pleading eyes up to yours, he relaxed, as your soft smile soothed him. "I'm so nervous."

"I am too," you sympathized. "Believe me, Marc. I mean, we're meeting our daughter. I'm just as nervous as you are."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Marc tangled his fingers with yours as you shuffled down the hallway toward the room that would change your lives forever.

The woman in front of you, who had identified herself as Elsie, paused before opening the door. "Ready?"

You glanced at your husband.

Sometimes he was so adorably terrified you were certain he forgot it was actually his idea to adopt.

Granting you a nod, he swallowed thickly. "Ready."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

STEVEN

9:22 P.M.

"So tense, mon cœur," your husband breathed against your neck, trailing tempting kisses over your damp skin. Strong forearms flexed against your abdomen, pulling your back closer to the slick heat of his bare chest.

Thick thighs surrounded you as you rested in your garden tub together, soaking in a bubble bath. Your head dropped to his shoulder as he whispered sensual French words on your ear. Long fingers traced down the shape of your abdomen, naughtily slipping between your legs.

"Steven, this is supposed to be a relaxing bath. Oh shit - " You moaned as touched you right where you craved. His other hand gripped your jaw, turning your face to his for a wet, hungry kiss. You went boneless in his embrace, completely at his mercy.

You should have known sweet Steven would seduce you during your "relaxing bath."

Later that evening, he sat beside you on the sofa, each of you working on a puzzle book from the "couch basket", enjoying a quiet evening in your new home.

“Got those pictures you wanted, love,” he commented. “The garden ones. Found another book too.”

You smiled adoringly at him, so excited to see them framed and hanging in Akeyla’s room. You had asked him to track down pictures of gardens from all over the world. Since Marc was in charge of furniture, Steven helped you pick out some unique decor.

He acquired a couple of first edition classic Children’s books as well. But you reminded him they would have to be stored way up high, away from the grabby hands of a toddler.

So he curated a brilliant little collection of toddler friendly board books for the lower shelves, as well as children’s books for her to grow into.

Steven had finished his bachelor's degree and was now working on a Masters of Anthropology. Already fluent in French, he was also studying Egyptian Arabic in an unofficial capacity, and toying with the idea of studying archaeology or linguistics as well. He just loved to learn and could never get enough.

After all was said and done, he'd probably end up teaching, which was a perfect idea because, in front of the right crowd, he was absolutely enthralling when he was passionate about something.

He still worked at the university library and thanked you almost daily for making most of the money for this little family, while he studied, and he, Jake and Marc worked part-time jobs.

You reminded Steven that their three part time jobs kind of added up to one job - plus as a student, you would give him a pass.

"Besides, you're going to be a sexy professor in another year or two, so I really see no downside," you'd tease him.

“Can’t wait to read to her every night,” Steven mused, pulling your mind back to the present.

Setting your puzzle book down, you snuggled up close to his side, wrapping your arms around his. “She’s always going to remember us reading to her. You’re going to be such a good dad, Steven.”

His throat bobbed. “You really think so?”

“I do. I know it.”

Gripping your hand almost as tightly as Marc had earlier in the afternoon, his head rested against yours. "Can't wait to meet her. Tell me again how she looked."

You warmly chuckled, nuzzling into his sleeve. "You've seen her picture a hundred times."

"I know, but...tell me again. What does her voice sound like?"

So you told Steven all about meeting your daughter for the first time, that afternoon, with Marc.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

JAKE

4:07 A.M.

The jangling of keys in the deadbolt dragged you from a foggy half slumber you'd managed in Steven's chair by the front door.

Jake had finally made it home after another night driving people around, and serving as Khonshu's fist of vengeance.

When he spotted you there, looking so adorably uncomfortable, he pulled his cap off his head and tossed it onto the entry way table with his keys.

Kneeling down in front of you, he smiled warmly. "What are you doing up, mi vida?"

"Mmm," you mumbled, relief surging through you at the sight of him. Leaning forward in the chair, you wrapped your arms around his neck and squeezed him tight. "Missed you."

"Missed you too." He held you for an indulgent moment before gently placing you back into the chair and standing to remove his jacket and gloves. Before you could whine out a protest, he helped you up just long enough to sit in the chair and pull you back down onto his lap.

Tucking you against his body, he reached for his jacket and draped it over you like a blanket. Jake knew you well enough. If he told you to go to bed, you would bristle and defy him, but if he held you like this, you would fall asleep in sixty seconds flat. Win win.

Your body settled against his and your breathing slowed, but you blinked up at him pleadingly. “Where have you been?”

Frowning in confusion, he rubbed his hands up and down your back soothingly, underneath the jacket. “You know where, cariño.”

Looping your fingers around his tie, you coaxed his temping lips to yours for a lingering kiss. Jake shifted underneath you, sighing against your mouth as you held him there for an indulgent moment.

“I haven’t seen you all week. I miss you.”

“I see you almost every night,” he volleyed back.

“You know what I mean.” Realizing you were tired and there was an edge in your tone, you touched your forehead to his. “I know you guys don’t exactly have a schedule. I just wanted to tell you about Akeyla.”

His eyes flickered away as his jaw clenched. You and Marc met your daughter yesterday. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

For a while, Jake had to be asked or reminded to participate in regular, daily things. Sometimes, you would go a week, only seeing him in your room at night, so you would ask him to eat dinner with you or take you out somewhere.

You started late night dates with Jake, just to build memories with him, in his world. It was never really your scene before, but you'd been to bars, out dancing, to late movies and your favorite - midnight bowling.

In fact, you all adjusted your schedules to fit the boys' night owl tendencies. You moved to second shift and Steven didn't take any more morning classes. You all slept in as late as possible, ate brunch or lunch and then got started on your day.

So it was not unheard of for you to wait up for Jake, but sleeping in Steven's chair until 4 A.M. was a bit unusual.

"I was busy tonight," he cryptically remarked, which tended to indicate he was probably doing Khonshu's bidding. "I wasn't trying to stay away."

"I'm not mad," you sleepily assured him, laying your head down on his shoulder. "I can't wait for you to meet her. And with her coming home soon, everything could change.”

"Change how?"

"Well for starters, I doubt a toddler will let us sleep in as late as we do. She'll probably climb all over our heads at like 5:30."

Jake was uncharacteristically quiet and you were half asleep.

"I'm not mad," you drowsily repeated, curling into him, murmuring "missed you" as you drifted off.

He rocked you gently, his heart burning with how he'd possibly disappointed you. Now that you were finally asleep, he didn't dare wake you, so he laid his head on the back of the chair, hoping to join you in slumber.

Jake had seen the horrors of this world, and of worlds adjacent. Terrifying, supernatural threats had met the crunch of his fist, and his vengeance.

But the thought of caring for a little girl shook him to his core, and in a different way than it did Marc.

Marc was always worried about his alcoholism, his past, the fact that they were a system, but he wanted Akeyla so badly. The whole thing was his idea in the first place. Steven was ready to show this kid the world, both metaphorically and literally.

Jake loved you, and he would love his child. Beyond that, he had no idea what to do, or how to contribute. The urge to not take time away from Marc or Steven was so strong it almost felt like instinct.

You, Steven and Marc had lovingly and rather expertly crafted her a dream-worthy nursery, but where Marc's hands restored and your hands healed and Steven's hands inspired and instructed, Jake had brutal hands.

Unwilling to disturb you, he pondered how he could prove to you he was still in this with you.

Reaching into his the pocket of his jacket, which still covered the top half of your body, he pulled out his phone. Opening up a picture of Akeyla, he smiled, studying her cute, chubby cheeks, dark, round eyes and her tightly wound curls.

Tracing the shape of her face with his thumb, he wondered what he could possibly give his sweet angel, besides protection.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Sleep came for a short while, but as the sun rose, so did you. Jake was asleep but his phone was playing a long playlist of videos. Hoping to not disturb him, you carefully removed the phone from his hand.

The video showed a young girl getting her hair styled. In fact the whole playlist was of dads styling their daughter's textured hair, including what products to try, and cute and useful clips, combs and the right brushes to help.

Chewing on you lip for a moment, you tapped on the search bar and saw that he had typed in, 'how to care for textured hair'.

Just the notion of Jake pulling off his gloves and styling your little girl's hair made your heart explode with love.

"Are these for Akeyla?" You whispered mainly to yourself, shifting your weight from one of his thighs to the other.

Jake groaned as circulation returned to that leg, making it tingle as he awakened from a very short nap.

"Sorry," you softly laughed. "I should let you get up, shouldn't I?"

The corner of Jake's mouth curled, but he nodded.

You helped him climb out of the chair and the two of you washed up. Jake slid into Steven's pajama pants and the two of you went to bed.

Already drifting back to sleep, Jake presented his small offering to you. Something to let you know he was all in.

"I think I could learn how to fix Akeyla's hair," he drowsily murmured, eyes already closed. "Watched a bunch of videos about it."

He couldn't build things and he wasn't book smart and he wasn't you. He wasn't even supposed to have a family. But you loved him so hard that he couldn't resist you and now he was about to gain everything he never knew he wanted.

Maybe the brutality of his hands could be used to do this tender thing for his daughter.

"I love you so much," you whispered, brushing a stray curl out of his eyes.

"Te amo," he whispered.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

ONE WEEK LATER…

“What’s your favorite color, Akeyla?” Marc asked on your next visit to with your soon-to-be-daughter. He sat beside her, adorably hunched with her at a child-sized table, coloring and drawing.

“Do you like red?” He asked, holding up a few choices of crayon.

“Fav-wit color wed!” She agreed, reaching for a yellow.

“Ohhh, you like yellow.” He winked at you, thinking of the yellow bench at home. “I like it too.”

“Yeh-yow,” Akeyla repeated, scribbling determinedly. Swinging her legs back and forth she repeated, “Yeh-yow, yeh-yow.”

“That’s right. We have a big yellow bench at home that I painted. We can sit on it together, just you and me. Is that okay?”

Akeyla seemed to ignore him, reaching over his arm to scribble yellow on his coloring sheet. Once she had saturated the paper to her satisfaction, she laughed out, amused with herself. “Yeh-yow bench. Okay, Dad-eee.”

Her nose scrunched as she showed him a silly toddler grin. Your heart completely melted as you watched them together.

“This is a good drawing,” Marc complimented, pointing to his paper she drew on. “Can I have it?”

Reaching out with chubby fingers, Akeyla scrunched the paper in her tiny grip, presenting it to Marc. “Here go. You hab it.”

“I can keep it?” He nodded hopefully. “Can I have a hug?”

She threw her arms around his neck. Lifting her up from the table, Marc offered one arm out to you and invited you into to this little family embrace.

Akeyla touched her forehead to yours, already a signature move for the two of you. Then she scrunched her nose and showed off that silly grin again.

"Want me to take your picture?" You offered. Grabbing your phone, you snapped a few selfies of you and Marc with Akeyla.

As soon as you were finished, she reached for your phone. "I watch Bluey."

And so it began.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Ivy's 1st Ficiversary Celebration || Moon Knight Masterlist || Main Masterlist

updates blog - @ivystoryupdates

[oddinary4bts]

When the End Comes | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

☆pairing: photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in every chapter)

☆genre: breakup!au, slice of life!au, angst with a big A, smut

☆warnings: fear of getting stood up, alcohol, pet names, curses, Jungkook's scars, angst, stubborn Jungkook, pessimism, depressive episode, cliffhanger at the end I'm sorry, explicit content: jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), Jungkook taking pictures of them during (I apologize, I have sinned), balls sucking/fondling, pain kink (Jungkook), deep throating, mouth fucking, unprotected sex, hickey, clit play, degradation, fingering, cum play (ish?)

☆word count: 14.3k

☆series masterpost

☆a/n: Rereading each chapter to edit is a challenge bc I just be sobbing the whole time :') I hope you enjoy this one, though it does really hurt oop

☆a/n pt2: Thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing this, you are the best <3 and thank you to @jessikahathaway for supporting me with this project, you are amazinnng

☆Read The Forgotten Spaces here, the prequel to When the End Comes! It does not need to be read to understand When the End Comes, but I think it still should be read first to have a better understanding of the characters in general!

☆Add yourself to the taglist here (if you were on the taglist for The Forgotten Spaces, you're already on the taglist for When the End Comes!)

☆☆☆☆☆

But love never leaves a heart, where it found it, found it You found it Someday, I'll fall into you That's where I'll be now when the end comes

When the End Comes, Andrew Belle

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, September 8th

                You clutch the gift bag in your hand. It feels strange to be meeting Jungkook again, after last weekend. And even after last weekend, you’re not sure where you’re standing.

Did he spend his whole week thinking about you the way that you were thinking about him?

You texted a little, over the week. Each time a notification from him popped up on your phone, you felt like you’d gone back in time. Like maybe, maybe you took a time machine to a past of better days last weekend. It’s bittersweet in a way, because you feel like there is still so much left unsaid between you and him.

But he’s willing to try. Even if you broke him, even if you’ve been wondering if there’s anything salvageable after all, he’s willing to try. Willing to meet you at a Korean barbecue restaurant halfway between his place and yours.

You check the time, anxiety flooding your veins. He’s running late, though he texted you to tell you he was almost there. A part of you wonders if he’s going to stand you up – you think you’d deserve it. Because you’re not sure you deserve this chance, yet you don’t want to lose it, don’t want to let it go.

You look down at the bag. You bought the gift on a whim this week, and you have no idea if he’ll still want it. It’s a lens he was looking to buy months ago, before he left for Paris, and there’s a high chance that he’ll have bought it for himself since then…

You just couldn’t think about anything other than that to gift him. Even though his work was your demise, you know Jungkook loves photography. Always will, no matter where you two will end up. And since it was his birthday last weekend – before you’d reconnected – you thought why not? Why not get a gift and show him that you still care, that you remember?

Because you’d never forget, when it comes to him. You think, if you had dementia, he’d be the last thing you’d lose, if at all.

You worry at your lip, glancing around. Luckily enough for you, there is a bench outside of the restaurant, though you can only sit on a corner of it as the rest is still wet from the rain earlier. It was raining when you left work, but it fortunately stopped as you were getting ready for the date.

You sigh, looking down at your phone again. Twenty minutes late seems like a long time, considering that Jungkook’s not one to be late usually. A sense of dread takes ahold of your heart, and you already feel tears forming in your eyes.

You were foolish, stupid. Idiotic, if you thought there was a way things could be set right.

You get up, looking towards the door of the restaurant. A couple are waiting in the hall, arms around each other as they hug with not a care in the world. It aches deeply, makes you crave the physical intimacy last Saturday held and you gulp as you swallow around the lump in your throat.

Still you stay rooted in your spot. There’s a light tremor that starts taking a hold of you, and you regret not putting a jacket on even though it isn’t remotely freezing today. Your eyes fall to the gift bag, and you think about May. About the moment you’d let him go – has he gotten too far for you to reach him now?

A tear wins. Or perhaps it’s the gravity, growing ten times stronger as your heart breaks again. As the hope gets lost to you, replaced by that same deep sorrow you’ve become accustomed to. You sigh, the breath of air trembling on the way out.

And then you almost let out a scream as someone touches your arm.

Jungkook startles just as much as you, taking a step back, his big, doe eyes widening even more as he meets your gaze. Your mouth remains open, yet no words come out. You just take him in, take his appearance in – his piercings, the beanie he’s wearing, his flushed cheeks. He looks like he was running, and you think maybe he was.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you.

At that your eyes drop to the bright pink bouquet of flowers he’s holding, and something inside of you heals, as if you’ve found a cure to the disease.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out. You meet his gaze again. “You didn’t have to.”

He pulls at his piercings, shrugging sheepishly. “I wanted to.”

It’s warm. Whatever is blossoming in your chest is warm, a stark contrast to the winter you’ve been stuck in since the night you lost him.

“Thank you,” you murmur, and you blink away the tears in your eyes.

You freeze when he wipes the one that’s already rolled on your cheek, frowning slightly at the sight.

“The florist I wanted to go to first was closed,” he says as an explanation. “I had to run around to find another one.”

You offer him a small smile, and his features immediately smooth out into a soft expression too.

“I was scared you were…” you trail off, wetting your lips as you refuse to voice your fear.

Refuse to admit you didn’t have faith in him.

“I thought you would,” he answers carefully. “Hence why I ran.”

You nod. “I…” You look down at the gift bag, holding it up. “I got you a birthday gift.”

His smile is teary when you look at it next, and you take a moment to delve into the depths of his gaze. There’s a small twinkle there, though it is faint, barely even noticeable. If you didn’t know him like the sun knows the moon, you wouldn’t recognize it.

He’s hopeful. It’s strange – there was no hope in Jungkook’s gaze last weekend. Or there had been, for a fraction of a moment, until it had been blown away by the wind. You can only hope that this time it will hold on strong.

“You didn’t have to,” he says, though the curve of his pink lips tells you he appreciates the thought.

He grabs the gift bag, not looking through it right away. Instead, he hands you the flowers, and you delicately take them, bringing them close to your nose so that you can inhale the fragrance. Your eyelids flutter shut, and a content smile moves on your lips.

“Thank you,” you murmur as you meet his gaze again. “And…” You motion towards the gift. “You deserved it. I think you’ll like it.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, as Jungkook looks down at the bag. He offers you a tight-lipped smile, and you cock an eyebrow.

“What?” he lets out.

“Aren’t you going to…” you vaguely answer. “Open it?”

“Oh, now?” He chuckles awkwardly, glancing around before pointing towards the restaurant. “Shouldn’t we go in to give our names?”

He’s got a point. Especially considering that it’s a Friday evening. So you do just that, giving your phone number to the hostess as she tells you there will be a thirty minutes wait. You and Jungkook move back outside after that, and he guides you towards his car, a few streets down.

“How was work this week?” he asks on the way.

“Better,” you admit, remembering how you’d told him that you didn’t like the new department in which you worked.

And it’s true – it has been better. Maybe because the excitement of receiving texts from him through the days made it easier to handle. Or maybe it’s because you haven’t been so damned cold since last weekend. All in all, work has been easier, even if it isn’t as interesting as it used to be.

“I’m glad,” he says, offering you a smile.

Silence surrounds the two of you, only interrupted by a car honking in the street. You startle a little, and Jungkook chuckles.

You’re struck. His chuckles have healing properties, you’re convinced of it. They spark hope into you, so bright you think you’ll be blinded, retina forever burned. Yet your eyes don’t lose focus on him, even as his lips return to a neutral expression.

“What about you?” you ask as your heart picks up in your chest. “What were you up to this week?”

A small crease appears between his brows, but it disappears so quickly you think you might have imagined it. “I’ve been going to the gym,” he answers. “And looking around for some jobs.”

His last sentence turns the hope into a firework show inside of you. “Yeah? Any luck so far?”

You reach his car, and as he always does, he opens the door for you. You blush, something you haven’t really done with Jungkook in forever, and you’re struck thinking that this feels new.

Perhaps this will be a new chapter in your relationship with Jeon Jungkook after all.

“Thank you,” you mutter as your cheeks burn. You sit in, and he closes the door before moving around the car to get in. You watch him do so, and he sits next to you, turning the car on just long enough so that you can roll the windows down.

“Now,” he lets out, eyeing the bag. “What’s this?”

For some reason, it makes you chuckle, and he shoots you a dumb smile that makes you think you’ve delved right into the heat of summer, warmth spreading through you. It erases the winter, replaces it with blooming flowers and bright sun rays, golden sunsets and the feeling of a soft breeze threading through your hair.

Needless to say, you want to cling to it before winter comes again.

“Open and you’ll see,” you answer, your heart racing as you glance at the bag, before going back to his smile.

He nods, and he opens the bag, taking out the paper first. Your heartbeat increases tenfold because, what if he doesn’t like it?

What if he takes it as an affront that you’ve given him something photography related?

But then he sees it. Sees the lens you bought for him, and his features turn somber, but not in a bad way. They settle into a calm expression, with a softer smile that barely even tugs at the corners of his lips. He takes a deep breath, and then looks towards you again.

Teary eyes find yours, and you think maybe this is it. Maybe this is where the end will find you. Lost in the swirling depth of his gaze, in the forgotten space of you and him.

He whispers your name, emotion making it heavier than the whole world. You nod once, as no sentences take shape in your mind to reply to him. You’re not sure you have to say something – he sees in your eyes the emotions you can’t quite voice.

“You really didn’t have to,” he adds, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps. “Fuck.”

He looks down at the lens, takes it out of the bag so that he can examine it thoroughly. You observe him as he does so, as if you’re watching a show. And you think, maybe he is a show – a movie meant for you to admire on and on until you go old and blindness seeps into your gaze.

“I wanted to,” you reply.

He shoots you a quick look, just as teary as the initial one. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

And then he laughs, a small vulnerable laugh that has you blinking back the wetness building up on your waterline. You echo it with one of yours, though it comes unexpectedly to you. But then again, you reckon you share the same feelings.

You always have, haven’t you? Your soul is in sync with his, has always been, no matter if distance put an end to the story of you and him. Or tried to, because he’s here today.

So are you, and if he allows it, you’ll never leave again.

“I’ve wanted this lens in forever,” he says, voice small as he turns it in his hands, looking at it in every possible angle. “You…” he trails off, meets your gaze and smiles again. “You remembered.”

You nod. “How could I forget?” You worry at your lips, shy away from his gaze to watch your wriggling fingers in your lap. “There isn’t a day I didn’t think of you.”

The revelation seems out of place, in a parked car on the side of a busy street. Yet it comes naturally to you, and meets him just as naturally. Because he nods, and then reaches for you. Grabs your jaw, gently, so that he can turn your head towards him. There’s a moment when you think the whole world holds his breath, and then he leans forward, brushes a soft kiss on your lips.

“I missed you,” he admits as he pulls away, letting go of your jaw reluctantly.

A tear slips on your cheek, and you quickly dry it. “I missed you too.”

And though the moment is heavy with emotion, you don’t want to run away from it. When you were younger, you would have fled like a deer hearing a branch crack in the woods. But today, today you want the weight of this emotion to rest upon you, like a weighted blanket that reminds you you’re alive.

The emotion lingers, past this moment and into the next. As you get the text that a table is ready for you and him, and you move back to the Korean restaurant. As you sit in front of him, watch him smile and laugh in time with you at the stupid jokes that you make.

You and him make more sense than you realized. Or maybe you forgot. Maybe the distance made you forget, but right now you think you know he’ll always be the one. And if you lose him again, he’ll be the one that got away, and you’ll search for him through every connection with temporary people.

Because there can’t be permanent people after him. He’s permanently inked into your heart, carved into your bones.

“How has your family been?” he asks when there’s a lull in the conversation.

You offer him a tight-lipped smile, though you know he means your father, Isabel and Louis.

You know he’d never talk about your mother as part of your family.

“They’ve been great,” you answer. “Dad’s been looking to retire, or at least to have a lesser charge at work.”

Jungkook furrows his brows, but says nothing as he puts some meat on the grill between you and him. You observe him as he does so, wincing when flames erupt and he pulls his hand away – quickly enough, thankfully.

“How old is he again?” Jungkook asks after that, meeting your gaze again.

“Fifty-nine,” you reply. “But I don’t think it’s about his age. He just wants to spend more time with Louis.”

The softness that takes over his doe eyes makes you want to curl up in him, against him. Makes you want to listen to his beating heart until the day that it ceases, decades away from now. It’s a strong feeling, and you’re forced to blink away tears again.

“Don’t cry,” Jungkook gently says, and he reaches to pat your cheek.

It makes you laugh. Of course it does, and he offers you a dumb smile again. For the first time that night, you notice that yes, it does reach his eyes. The smile lights up his gaze, though there’s wariness, etched in the lines of his face.

It’s not that you missed it before. Maybe you just didn’t want to see it. But right in this instant, it’s all you can see, and it makes his smile fall until his eyes follow, moving to the grill. He turns the meat as you busy yourself with eating japchae.

And you don’t like this silence. You don’t like the ache that it carries, so you force yourself to try. To try and fight for him and prove that, after everything, he really is where the end will be, when it comes for you.

“What about your family?” you ask, throwing him a lifeline in the storm you’re sure he’s been plagued with too.

“They’ve been great,” he answers. “My brother’s wife is pregnant again.”

For a moment you forget about the torment between you and him as your mind zeroes in on the fact. “That’s amazing!” you let out, and your smile comes easily. “They must be so happy.”

Jungkook looks at your smile, taking a deep breath. It seems he takes a decision then, because his lips curve up, and some of the wariness fades away. He looks softer like this, younger, and your heart shines under his light.

“It really is,” he says. “I was thinking on going to Korea to see the baby when Yuri gives birth.”

In another world, you would have said you’ll go with him, but right now you don’t think you can. So, instead, you reply, “That’s a good idea. I’m sure your family will be happy to see you.”

He nods, and then he puts some meat in your bowl, taking the two other stripes for himself. You mindlessly pick one of the pieces up, mixing it in ssamjang before eating it. You wince as you burn your tongue a little, and quickly eat the meat so that you can take a long gulp of water.

Jungkook must have expected you to burn yourself, because he laughs at your expense as he refills your glass. “You good?”

You nod. “Sorry, just burned myself.”

“Don’t apologize.”

So you don’t. For the rest of the evening, you try not to apologize. And you think you succeed – you both speak as if distance wasn’t a thing between you. As if time hasn’t come to pass between you too – as if you’ve never been apart. As if, seven years ago, the stars told the truth as they sparkled in the July night sky.

You finish eating while chatting like this, while sharing thoughts about movies you’ve seen. As he tells you about working out, about Bam and the songs he’s been listening to. He drinks a beer as you speak, and you once again take a moment to admire him.

You’d never admit it, but the beanie makes him look good. Comfortable and soft – as does the jean jacket, you reckon. But then again you know Jungkook would look good in anything, one of the advantages of him being gifted with pretty privilege.

And when he clinks his glass with yours, claiming you have to finish drinking even though you’ve only been drinking water, you still laugh with him, still down your glass as he chugs the beer. And you wonder, how long will it take to erase the distance?

Will it take more than this moment in time, to undo the distance and rebuild the closeness?

And you think, maybe it just needs now. Because as you walk out, bellies full and minds buzzing with a slight tinge of alcohol, you accept Jungkook’s extended hand. You let him guide you to his car, even though yours is parked on the other side of the restaurant. He opens the door for you again, but you hesitate for a moment.

Long enough to step closer to him instead, and pull him down so you can peck his lips. He looks surprised, and his features fall serious as you share a long look.

“Can I come over tonight?” you whisper.

He nods. “I thought it was a given.”

Of course he would. And you’re not even mad that he would. You’re rather relieved, and you can’t help yourself. You can’t help pulling him down in a more heated kiss, even though you hate public displays of affection. There are just words your lips can’t say any other way than this, and he gets it. He’ll always get you. He always will, and he kisses you with the same intensity, one hand cupping your cheek gently while the other presses on the small of your back, resting flat as he pulls you in. You hold his delicate waist, sighing in the kiss as your thumbs draw idle lines on his sides.

Jungkook pulls away to press a kiss on your forehead, lingering there for a small eternity that leads to you wrapping your arms around his waist. He lets you do it, and you wonder if his soul has found yours. You hope it has, for there are things your soul can say even better than your mouth can.

Apologies don’t mean much when they are shaped in words. But you think your soul could show him, and maybe, maybe tonight he’ll allow you to show him.

“Are you parked somewhere you can leave your car overnight?” he asks softly, lips moving against your forehead.

You nod. “I am.”

“Then let’s go home.”

*****

                It comes as a surprise, when you realize Jungkook has moved in the same building as Kiko and Yoongi. Even more so as they run into you on the way in, knowing smiles on their lips as Jungkook holds your hand tight. They don’t really say a lot – both of them aren’t man and woman of words, except when they pour them into the lyrics of a song.

But Kiko does hug you. Does whisper in your ear that she wishes everything will be set right for the two of you, and when you pull away to meet Jungkook’s gaze, you think it already is. Especially as you’re clutching the flowers he got for you, and their sweet fragrance surrounds you.

And then they walk away, as they were leaving to go on a late walk, and you and Jungkook walk in the building, making your way to the elevator. Jungkook presses the call button, and then pulls you close to his chest so that he can press a kiss on the top of your head.

“Well, that was awkward,” he says.

You chuckle. “It wasn’t really.”

His grip tightens around you before he lets you go so that you can enter the elevator. He follows you in, and he intertwines your fingers as he presses on the fourth floor. As the elevator starts moving, you pull him closer, tilting your head back as you pout slightly.

“What?” he asks.

“Kiss me?”

He doesn’t need to be asked twice. He immediately dives in, and you’re surprised with the strength of the kiss. As if he’s pouring his entire soul in it, and you think maybe he is. After all, you kiss him back with all the fire in you, and it’s burning brighter than it ever has.

Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as you reach his floor and the doors slide open. He pulls away, presses a kiss on your forehead as if he wasn’t sucking on your tongue a moment ago, and then he pulls you behind him as he walks towards his door.

It’s further down the hall, and you wait excitedly as he unlocks. Though you’re a little worried about seeing Bam again – what if he doesn’t recognize you?

Which, you reckon was a stupid thought, because the dog comes barging out, tail wagging wildly, when Jungkook manages to get the door open.

“Bamie!” you exclaim, and Jungkook carefully takes the bouquet of flowers from your hand to allow you to bend down and pet the dog.

He licks at your face, whimpering as if he thought he’d lost you. It brings tears to your eyes, and you giggle like a kid as you pet him, rubbing his short fur as he keeps running all around you.

“I think he’s happy to see you,” Jungkook deadpans, and you burst out laughing.

You look up to try and look at Jungkook, but Bam jumps in your vision, which makes you giggle again. And then, something magical happens. Something you didn’t think you’d hear again – Jungkook laughs that childish laugh of his, the one that usually only comes forth when he’s really happy.

You act by pure instinct. You stand up, wrap your arms around Jungkook’s neck. His giggle dies against your lips, but he’s quick to kiss you back as he snakes his inked arm around your back. You let out a breathy sound, and then burst into a fit of giggles as Bam jumps on you.

“I think he demands attention,” you state and Jungkook nods as you part, though he keeps his arm close to you.

“We should take him on a walk,” he says, and you notice his cheeks are flushed red. You reckon yours probably are too, but there’s something about seeing the effect that you have on him, even after everything, that makes you come undone.

“I’m so happy to be with you right now,” you murmur.

He gulps, eyes shining suddenly. “Me too.” He adds your name softly, before repeating, “Me too.”

You walk in his apartment after that, to put the flowers in a large glass of water since Jungkook doesn’t own any vase. Meanwhile, he disappears in what you assume is the bedroom, only to reappear with his camera. To your surprise, he’s already fitted the new lens on it.

It’s endearing. There’s something so incredibly endearing at the thought that your gift is loved already, that Jungkook already wants to use it. It makes a line of silver appear in your eyes, and you don’t even blink it away as Jungkook angles the camera towards you to take a picture.

“Huh,” he lets out as he looks at the picture. He adjusts some settings, and before he’s had time to take another picture of you, Bam comes up to you, jumping up. His two paws rest on your waist as you laugh, and that’s when Jungkook snaps the picture.

You glance his way to see him smiling softly, and then he nods appreciatively. “I’m going to use this lens way too much,” he comments.

It makes you laugh. “I’m glad.”

And then you’re going outside with the dog. Jungkook brings the camera, and he snaps pictures of the surroundings, of you and Bam. He even takes one of the three of you, though you reckon the angle is clearly unflattering.

It doesn’t feel like it matters. Because you’re struck realizing that this, this moment matters. It matters enough for him to want to commit it to memory, and you wonder if he’s going to add it to all the frames you left behind.

But then again, did he even put them up in his new apartment? From what you could see when you were in, there was no picture visible.

It aches, but then he tells you to smile and you do. You immediately do, because there’s nothing easier than smiling when you’re with him like this. The wariness still clings to him, but it’s barely visible, like a mirage that’s about to fade in the distance.

“Stop taking pictures of me,” you say as he takes another one.

He lets out a noncommittal sound, shrugging his shoulder. “Why?”

You pout as blush creeps on your cheek. “You haven’t taken this many pictures of me since… Chicago?”

He shakes his head. “I took more pictures on our first trip to Korea.”

A beautiful trip, where you’d met his family for the first time. You had gotten along with everyone well, even though your Korean was poor. You got better through the years, but you still have a long way before you can speak in Korean without feeling like everyone is going to judge you.

“That’s beside the point,” you mumble. You motion towards Bam, who’s patiently sitting next to you. “I’m pretty sure he’s done.”

Jungkook pouts, and butterflies take flight in your stomach. “Sorry,” he apologizes.

You’re not quite sure why.

“I just…” he adds, and then shadows cloud over his features. They resemble the sorrow that was surrounding him last weekend, and just like that you think summer has ended. “I haven’t used my camera since…”

You don’t need for him to say it, because you know exactly what he was going to say. Still, it hurts, and your gaze drops to the ground.

“Gosh,” you whisper. You let out a strangled sound. “I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just grabs your hand, raising it to his mouth to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“We said we’d try,” he reminds you, or maybe he’s trying to remind himself. “Let’s try. For real. So no more apologies.”

“I feel like you deserve thousands of apologies and more,” you admit.

He kisses your forehead, and it’s against your skin that he whispers, “I just want us to move on from what happened.”

You nod, wrapping an arm around his waist to loosely hug him. Unfortunately, Bam pulls on his leash, and you have to let go of Jungkook far too quickly. Still, you meet his gaze, nodding your head again.

“I want to move on too,” you tell him. “If I could, I’d erase everything but…”

He holds out his hand for you to interlace your fingers with his. “But it’s in the past.”

He’s right, yet you see the wariness. It’s still there, though you think soon the mist will dissipate with the rays of the sun. So you follow him in, let him feed Bam before he shows you around his small apartment. It feels like him, in ways you can’t really describe, and you want to stay. You think, if he’d ask you’d never leave again.

“I like it,” you tell him as he finishes the tour in his bedroom, which is only occupied by an unmade bed with white sheet and a small night table with his pair of glasses on top. You notice the LED lights, and a smile moves to your lips. “Please tell me these still shine purple like they did at the house with the boys.”

Jungkook nods, offering you a grin. “Yeah. I thought it’d be great to have a… reminder of a simpler time.”

He turns them on, and you get it. You get it so much you grab the lapels of his jean jacket, pulling him closer to you. His lips are upon yours in an instant, hungry, insistent, ravishing a kiss that makes you light-headed. Especially as he grabs your face, holds on to it like it’s a life buoy in a storm. The piercings push into your bottom lip, their colder temperature making your tongue dart to them, as if to warm them.

Jungkook groans, and then kicks the door of his bedroom shut. He’s had to stop kissing you for that, but he’s kissing you again half a second later, and it’s even more intense, more desperate.

You let go of his jacket, hands blindly moving to his belt as he pushes his tongue in your mouth. You suck on it, moan lightly when he groans again. You fumble with the buckle, but soon enough you get it undone, and you move on to the button of his jeans.

You just want him. Need to feel his body against you, in you. And clearly he needs the same thing, as he pulls away from the hug to take your shirt off. Right as you get the button undone, and then unzip his jeans. You slip your hand in, letting out a breathy sound as you find him already hard. He sits heavy in your hand, and you squeeze him unabashedly.

“Fuck,” he curses, head thrown back as his eyes close. “Baby.”

The pet name has you drop to your knees, and you pull his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free. He doesn’t try to stop you, and you admire him for a time. Admire the brown base of his tip, the veins that run along his length. A bead of precum appears on his slit as you look, and you’re quick to lick it clean. The salty taste fills your mouth, and you look up at him, to see him watching down on you, strands of hair falling in his eyes where they’ve escaped the confines of his beanie.

“Suck it, mmh?” he says.

You grab him, jerking him off loosely. “Yeah?”

His eyes darken behind the strands of hair. He bites at his piercings, cocking his head to the side. And then he’s glancing away and to your surprise, he asks, “Can I take pictures of you while you suck my dick?”

You swirl your tongue around his tip, and he bucks his hips forward. In answer, you sit back on your heels, looking up at him innocently. “Right now?” He nods. “You want to take pictures of me while I suck your dick?”

“If you want to,” he answers. “If you don’t want to it’s fine.”

You close your lips around his tip, sucking once. “You’ll keep the pictures to yourself?”

You don’t know why you’re agreeing. Only know that the lust in Jungkook’s gaze is making you forget everything about common sense. But then again, you highly doubt that Jungkook would ever do anything to harm you.

Jungkook’s mouth falls open as he was about to answer, but when you take his dick as far as you can, he’s silenced. And he’s hard in your mouth, a rod of steel you’ve missed since last week.

“Yeah,” he finally breathes out.

You sit back on your heels. “Then it’s fine.”

He smirks, nodding his head as he finishes taking off his jeans and underwear. “Wait here.”

You purse your lips as he walks away, and you watch him leaving his room to head to where he left his camera. You patiently wait, feeling shy even though you have nothing to be shy about. This is just Jungkook – it’s not like he hasn’t seen you half-naked and on your knees for him before.

It takes him a moment to come back, but when he does, it’s to sit on bed. He’s still hard, and he leans back on a hand as you move closer.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me, okay?” he gently says as you run a hand along his thighs.

You glance at his scar, the familiar knot of skin giving you more confidence than you expected. “You’re going to jerk off to these pictures, mmh?”             

He gulps, angling his camera towards you as you lean closer to his dick. You lick at it, and the shutter goes off.

It has you dripping in your panties, unexpectedly.

“So what if I do?” he asks as you grab his dick, stroking him.

The question is rhetorical, and your answer is to wrap your lips around his cock as your eyes flutter shut. You swirl your tongue around the tip and hollow your cheeks as you go down. You hold the gag reflex in as he hits the back of your throat, and you can’t help but moan as you hear his camera again.

You flick your tongue at his frenulum on the way out, and then you stroke his dick as you sit back. You move one hand to his balls, squeezing gently before thinking better of it and leaning forward, sucking on one. He grunts, and you keep your eyes locked on the camera as you jerk him off faster.

Another picture added to the list. And you’re dripping wet. Already you want to sink on his dick, want him to be so deep inside of you that you’re just one.

“Kook…” you murmur, and then you’re back to sucking on his dick, though this time you make sure to squeeze his balls too, the way that he likes it. Hard, but not too hard, and you’re choking around his dick in no time as he starts fucking up in your mouth, clearly forgetting about the pictures.

It goes like this for a while, with his dick growing impossibly hard. Your jaw aches by the time he pushes down on your head, hand lost in your hair. You gag, and he moans loudly. You think he’s coming, but he somehow manages to keep it in before pulling you off.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.” He breathes for a moment, as you wipe your mouth and chin from the drool.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. You glance at the camera. “Any good pics?”

That brings him back to the land of lust and passion, and he offers you a smirk. “We can look at them after. I’m not done with you yet.”

You laugh, because you know you’ve barely started. Know you’re likely to be unable to walk tomorrow. Because the lust in his gaze hasn’t shone so bright in years, yes, but also because you almost lost each other.

Or maybe you have, and this too is just a dip in the past.

You stand up, hands snaking to your back so that you can unclasp your bra. Jungkook watches you carefully, before taking a picture as you massage your breasts. It makes you bite at your lower lip, and you look at his hard dick where it rests on his stomach.

“Can I ride you?” you ask breathlessly.

He smirks. “You don’t want me to finger you first?”

Instead of replying, you finish undressing, taking off your pants and panties at the same time. You then push on his jean jacket, and he takes that as a cue to remove it. You motion to the shirt too as he was about to lean back on his hand and he cocks his head to the side, an eyebrow raised. When you nod, he takes it off too, and it makes his beanie fall.

His hair is a mess, and you can’t resist but step forward so that you can push it back, though you think the jet black strands are currently untamable. You give up after a few seconds, pushing on his chest so that he lies back.

His eyes are on you as you climb on his lap, and you grind along his length, coating it with your juices.

“Shit,” he lets out again. “You’re fucking dripping.”

You nod, moving up just enough so that you can grab the base of his dick. His tip prods your entrance, and he pulls at his piercings as you wait there, teasing him with a corner smile on your lips.

“Fucking tease,” he growls.

It undoes something in you. Because yes, you wanted to tease him. You wanted him to beg you to fuck him, but now you sink down on him, until he reaches your cervix. Even the pain of him hitting the back of your pussy doesn’t make you move, and your walls clench around his dick as he grunts out a curse, followed by your name.

“Kook,” you purr. “Fuck me good.”

He chuckles as you circle your hips, and his free hand rests on your hip as he angles his camera to take a picture of you again. “You can’t do the work?”

He says it condescendingly, and you find enough challenge in you to start bouncing up and down. It shuts him up, and the following moment is spent with you fucking yourself on him as he groans under you, your breathy moans filling his room. Soon enough he stops taking pictures, putting his camera down next to him so that he can hold your hips with his two hands.

And then he’s fucking up in you, and you cry out as you lean forward, wrapping an arm around his neck while your other hand holds on to his shoulder.

You’re a mess, yet your heart clenches in your chest as he fucks you like this. As you remember a land of winter, that somehow doesn’t feel as distant as it should. Maybe because of Jungkook’s wariness tonight, or maybe because you know all good things come to an end.

The thought douses your arousal, until Jungkook stills deep inside of you and whispers, “I want to be with you, like this, forever.”

You nuzzle your face in his neck and suck a mark on his skin. “Me too.”

And then he’s fucking you again, hard and quick. He holds you close, grunts in your ear as you lick at his neck. It’s an abundance of sensation, and your brain focuses on the way he hits your clit whenever he pushes up. Whenever his hips snap against you, and soon there’s an orgasm in the distance.

It finds you when he lets you sit up so that you can fuck yourself on him again, and his thumb finds your clit to press expert circles on it. It finds you hard, and your pussy spasms repeatedly on his dick. He helps you through the high, and when you finally come down, a dumb smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

“Fuck,” you let out.

“Felt good?” he asks with a teasing tone to his voice, the one you know he only reserves for you.

To hear it right now makes you love him so much you think you’ll die on the spot. Because yes, tonight has been great. Yes, it’s almost been like before, but what if he doesn’t take you back?

What if, in the end, this was just an extended moment meant to be closure for you and him?

“Yes,” you still reply.

Because no matter how much your heart aches in your chest, you’ll never lie to him.

“Good,” he says. He sits up, wraps an arm around your waist to steady you as he brings his mouth to yours.

You go in for the kiss. Meet him halfway, and you moan against him as he moves under you, albeit clumsily from the position.

His lips will make you drunk. Make you dumb, make you forget that there’s a world outside the door. That, in that world, you might not belong to him anymore. But then again, you think you do. To you, you always will.

“Lie on your side,” he says after a moment, lips moving against yours.

Jungkook pecks your lips one last time before you move, and then he kneels behind you. His dick prods your entrance again, and he grabs his camera to snap another picture.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he praises as he pushes the tip in, taking another picture. “Such a good little fucking slut.”

And then he pushes all the way in, until all of him is embedded in you. You grip the sheets as a broken moan escapes your lips. He holds your hip with one hand, fingers digging in the supple skin as he fucks you hard, chasing his own orgasm.

He looks good doing it. Long hair sticking to the sweat on his face, eyes narrowed in pleasure, mouth open as soft grunts echo through the room. The purple light makes his honey skin glow somehow, and you feel another orgasm reaching for you, though it doesn’t hit right away. It just feels so good – as he always does – and you can’t help but clench your walls against him.

That’s what undoes him. He comes, ropes of white painting your insides, as he swears and says your name in a litany that almost makes you go over the edge too.

“Baby,” he says at the end.

It feels like a confirmation. Like a confirmation that, maybe, maybe you will work this time around. That maybe distance won’t destroy you again – maybe you’ll grow old and gray by his side.

“You came so much,” you say as you feel his hot cum sitting deep inside of you.

He pulls at his piercing, nodding once. And then he pulls out, and he takes a picture of the cum dripping out of you. He decides to push it back in, curling a finger inside of you, and your walls clench as you moan.

“Touch your clit,” he tells you.

You don’t need to be told twice. You quickly move your fingers to the sensitive bundle of nerves, drawing quick circles on it as he pushes another digit inside of you, fingering you until the second orgasm finally finds you.

You cry out his name, a broken plea that doesn’t really make any sense as your vision turns white. And it stays that way for a long time, blinding you until ecstasy is swimming in your blood. And when you come down from the high, all that you can think is how much you missed him.

“Kook,” you breathe out.

“Baby…”

He puts the camera away, and then bends to press a kiss on your lips. It’s soft, and you grab his face to hold him in place, not even wincing as a bead of his sweat rolls on your cheek. You kiss him with a heart heavy with emotions, trying to show him that you’re never going to leave again. When he pulls away, you notice his teary gaze.

“Can we be together again?” he asks, and you watch in horror as a tear rolls on his cheek. You sit up, drying it with your thumb.

And you don’t care if it was too quick. Don’t care that there’s a high chance it won’t last. You still answer, “Yes, Kook. Yes we can.”

He smiles, nodding his head. “Let’s take a shower. I want to hold you tonight.”

You want to cry from the statement, want to tell him that you wish he could hold you forever, but the words get lodged in your throat. Instead, you follow him as he gets up, interlacing your fingers with his as he leads you to the bathroom, uncaring that his seed is rolling down your inner thighs.

He turns the shower on, and soon enough you’re standing under the hot water. He watches you carefully, presses a kiss on your forehead when you stand in front of him. You wrap your arms around his waist, holding him as close as you physically can. Even then it’s not enough – you want him under your skin, or to be under his.

You don’t think you’d survive being parted from him again. Maybe that’s why you let him fuck you again when you return to his room, slower this time, lips entwined in a never-ending embrace. Love flows between you and him, and it’s etched in the way your bodies move together, in the way you’ve been molded perfectly for him, and him for you.

You wonder if outside, the stars are shining. And you’re struck thinking that tonight, tonight they’ve aligned for you and him again, the universe agreeing for this second chance between you and him.

So you hold him close, and pray that this time around, forever is waiting for you.

Saturday, September 9th

                Jungkook wakes up slowly. Softly, the same way waves hit the shore at low tide. He’s unusually warm, and he frowns as he shifts, trying to turn on his side. Then, he realizes his arm is stuck under something. His very dead arm, and he cracks an eye open.

That’s when he remembers that it’s you. You’re the one sleeping next to him, mouth slightly agape as you breathe softly. You’re also the one crushing his arm, and he tentatively clenches and unclenches his fist to try to get the blood circulation back on track. It doesn’t really work, so then he stops, figuring he’s going to have to make you move somehow.

But you look peaceful, in the light of the rising sun. Serene, like there’s never been anything wrong in this world. This morning, Jungkook wants to believe it. Wants to believe that happiness is all he’s ever known – that accidents, heartbreak and pain are all constructs of his imagination.

He’s too realistic for that. Or perhaps the breakup has made him pessimistic. Because the peace of the moment doesn’t really linger, and he’s stuck reliving the moment you left, that night in May. Stuck reliving the wait for you to come back, only you never did.

Or maybe you did, months later. Maybe you really are back, and this time you’ll stay.

You mumble something in your sleep, startling him. It takes him a few seconds to realize you’re still deep asleep, but when you move he quickly does too, pulling his arm from under your head. You frown, lick your lips, and then your features smooth out as you return to your peaceful slumber.

He turns on his side, watching you carefully. He’s aware that watching you sleep is creepy, but he can’t help it. Not when his bed has been empty for months.

He stays like this for a while, unable to fall back asleep. Because, what if you’re gone when he wakes up again? He doesn’t want to risk it.

Unable to help himself, he gently brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. You sigh, and he’s afraid he’s woken you up. When a small smile appears on your lips, his heart skips a beat, yet you don’t show any other sign that you’re awake. He assumes you aren’t, and then decide to take a picture of this moment.

He feels like he’s going to need it. Like all the pictures he took yesterday – he was desperate to commit to memory as much of you as he possibly could. He feels bad – he said he’d give you a chance, he is giving you a chance, but some part of him is just waiting for it to blow up in his face.

Maybe if he expects it it will hurt less.

He carefully grabs his camera where he left it on his night table. He doesn’t dare take a look at the pictures you took yesterday, a little ashamed that he asked you to do that in the first place. Silently, he takes a picture of you, and then puts the camera away.

Only, the reminder of the kind of pictures he’d find in the camera was enough to make his blood stir, and he picks it back up almost immediately.

And then there you are, in all your glory. Beautiful as ever, pussy filled to the brim with his cum, with his cock. Tits squeezed in your hands, in his, and his dick goes rock hard as blood leaves his head.

He wants you again, and he wants you now. He doesn’t care that it’s early morning, that he never liked waking up early. All he can do is put the camera down and slide closer to you. He pulls you back into his embrace, and you sigh softly as he wraps his arms around you.

Jungkook holds you tighter, nuzzling his face in your hair. The inebriating scent of your shampoo fills his nose, and his dick twitches in his underwear.

You hum, and he holds you tighter. “Morning,” he says, voice low and gravelly.

You make another sound that can pass as a hum, but you move against him, until you’ve wrapped an arm around his middle. There’s a moment where silence reigns again, and Jungkook is afraid you’ve fallen back asleep, but then you say, “Morning.”

He smiles. “Slept well?” he asks, kissing the top of your head.

He’s convinced you’re smiling against him as you say, “Want to sleep more.”

He whines, which earns him a chuckle from you that makes the wariness settle back in, even as his heart feels full in his chest.

It never felt full without you. Another reason why he needs to be ready for the blow, whenever it comes.

“I want you,” he admits. “Can’t sleep.”

You hum again, and your hand slides down his back. You squeeze his ass, and then move the hand back up. “You’re going to have to try.”

He whines, lips jutting out in a pout. “Boring.”

At that you laugh, pushing him slightly until you’re able to look him in the eye. He keeps the pout on, knowing that it always worked with you before.

“It’s not even morning,” you point out.

“The sun is up.”

You roll your eyes, though your lips are curved upwards, your gaze beaming as you hold his. “We fucked twice last night.”

He shrugs, rolling on his back so that he can stare up at the ceiling. He pulls at his piercing, the new one, and then turns his head towards you again. “Yeah, and?”

“Surely you don’t need to fuck right now,” you tease.

He frowns, looking away again. “Not my fault if I haven’t fucked since… May. Last weekend doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure it does,” you say, laughing lightly. You prop yourself up on an elbow, blinking away the tiredness as you meet his gaze again. “And besides,” you pause, features turning confused as a crease appears between your brows. “Haven’t you fucked while we were…” you trail off, motioning vaguely around you.

And then something occurs to Jungkook. Something bad – maybe the explosion was closer than he expected it to be. Maybe he’s been standing in the radius of impact, waiting for the bomb to go off. And maybe your sleep deprived brain forgot the measure of protection, maybe it forgot he was standing there.

Because your eyes go round with fear, right as a drop of lead solidifies in Jungkook’s stomach.

“What?” he lets out.

What a stupid question to ask. He wants to beat himself up, because he knows.

He knows now that you’ve been with someone else. Why else would you be surprised that he hasn’t?

“I’m just saying…” you try, but it’s too late.

The bomb has gone off, and all that’s left is rumbles.

“Get out,” Jungkook says, and somehow it’s lacking bite. It’s lacking anger, lacking any signs that he cares for you.

It surprises even himself – doesn’t he care? Or is there nothing left of him in the aftermath of the explosion?

“Kook.”

“You’ve fucked someone else,” he states. When you don’t say anything, just watch him in horror, he sits up in bed. “Get out.”

“Come on,” you let out this time, following him up. You wrap yourself in the blanket, his blanket, and he wants to rip it from your body. Doesn’t want anything that’s his to be in contact with you anymore. “It didn’t mean anything,” you say, and you’re suddenly blinking back tears. “It was just one-time.”

“Frankly, I don’t want to know,” Jungkook says, and he really doesn’t. Doesn’t want to think about another man’s hand on you, or he’ll break.

He’s done breaking for you.

You don’t fight the tears, as you understand that the end really has come. At least that’s what he thinks happens – you just sit there, gaze heavy with tears until they fall, little droplets that carry a world of regret.

After all, the distance really was enough to break you up, wasn’t it?

Jungkook watches you, surprised that his heart is not clenching in his chest. No, he feels nothing as he watches you – he’s already cried enough for you.

“We were broken up,” you murmur, holding his gaze. “It’s not like I cheated.”

At that he laughs, shaking his head. If you can’t understand that he’s done, that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, then he’ll do it the harsh way.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he says. “I couldn’t be with someone else. I tried, and you were all I could think of. And…”

“You tried!” you interject. “You tried and you’re giving me shit for it?”

He gets up, trying to put distance between you and him, as if that’ll make the fight easier.

“I still chose not to do it,” he coldly states. “The girl was willing, she even kissed me and…”

“You kissed someone else?”

He laughs again, the absurdity of the situation dawning upon him. “Yeah? Tae set me up on a date, and the girl kissed me at the end and I told her I couldn’t. I didn’t fuck someone else.”

The way he’s throwing the blame at you feels selfish, especially as more tears join those already sliding down your cheeks.

“How is that fair, that you’re mad at me when you literally went on a date with someone else?” You pause, choking on a sob as you try to dry your cheeks. “Come on, Kook, it meant nothing.”

“Who did you fuck anyway?” he asks.

For a reason unknown, your tears stop. Entirely, there a moment and gone the next. “Why do you want to know?”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t fucking want to know, and he scoffs as he runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. “Get out,” he says again, still as stern and void of emotion.

“It was Harrison,” you still say. “I switched departments because I didn’t want to see him again after that.”

Now, there’s an inkling of pain tickling the carcass of his dead heart. As if there was still more, for him to feel, even after everything. As if pain is but a constant of his life now, and he thinks maybe it is.

“Your colleague?” he repeats, dumbfounded.

He’s met Harrison a couple of times, throughout your relationship. He’s always thought the guy was decent, but now something very ugly settles deep in his core. Something that tells him, ‘Hey, maybe he’s only ever wanted to fuck her, maybe he was waiting for his chance’.

The words are on a loop in his head, and he doesn’t even think he can see you anymore. All that he sees is Harrison with his hands on you, in his ever-too creative mind.

He startles as you put a hand on his arm. He shrugs your grip off, steps away from you. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Kook, I swear, please listen to me,” you beg, and now you’re crying again.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to.” At that he shuts his eyes, runs a hand on his forehead and then through his hair. “I really don’t want to. I don’t want you to be here anymore.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” you say, an echo of something you said earlier. Though this time you say it differently, as if you too sensed the finality in Jungkook’s tone.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever want you to be around anymore. He was stupid to give you a chance after you broke his heart – you chose to break up, months ago. Why would it be different this time around?

“It doesn’t matter,” he tells you, as softly as he can. Because he knows you’ll break even more, and some dark, twisted part of him is satisfied that this time, this time he’s the one with all the power over you. “I’m done, Y/n.”

The words sound like thunder, in all their calmness. In all their softness – or maybe that was the sound of your heart breaking. Whatever it was, Jungkook really is done. He wants you gone, wants to be able to break in the quiet peace of his home.

A home you aren’t a part of anymore.

You nod. He expects you to fight more, but you nod. Choke out a sob, turn around, and start putting your clothes on. He figures he should dress too, so he does, picking up discarded items of clothing on the floor, not caring that they probably aren’t clean. All that he cares about is to get you out of his apartment, out of his sight.

And when you’re ready, he walks you to the front door. Lets you say goodbye to Bam, a crushing parallel to the time you’ve said goodbye in May. Bam still looks confused, and Jungkook feels bad, for a moment. Because you were the dog’s mother – he’s been looking for you ever since May. Jungkook can only hope that, this time around, Bam understands that it’s farewell.

When you straighten, you mutter an apology. Jungkook ignores it, holds your gaze expecting something to hurt, but he’s just empty. Empty and tired, and all he wants is to go back to sleep and to never wake up again.

“I can’t let you go,” you let out, voice stark with pain.

He shrugs. “You should have realized that in May.”

You close your eyes, and you look so fragile. Like glass – it never survives the shockwave of an explosion, doesn’t it?

“Please,” you beg. “Let me make it up to you.”

He laughs bitterly. “How? You’re going to go back in time and not get fucked by him? You’re going to go back in time and not break up?”

You look like you want to curse him, and he almost wants you to. He wants you to fight, wants you to make him feel something other than this emptiness. Instead, you shake even more, sobs racking through you.

“I wish I could.”

“Leave.”

“Jungkook, I swear,” you insist. “Let’s not lose each other over this.”

He wets his lips, tongue pushing in the inside of his cheek next. “We’ve lost each other already. It’s time we realize that we have.”

And that does it. You fall silent, defeat washing over you like a tsunami wave – there’s nothing left after its passage, and you look tired, sick, standing there right next to the door.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize again.

He shrugs. “It’s whatever. The past is the past.”

You look like you want to say something else, but somehow you remain silent. Somehow you look at him for a time, bloodshot eyes taking in his features as if it’s the last time you’ll ever see him again. He surprises himself by doing it too, mostly by instinct. Because right now, looking at you makes him want to be sick, but he knows that it won’t last.

He knows that the echo of pain in the distance is a good indicator that he still has it in him to break for you. That he’ll break for you forever, perhaps. Because he doesn’t think that there’s an end to you and him. It’s always going to be a cycle, and it’ll never end well.

“Goodbye, Jungkook,” you murmur.

He offers you a tight-lipped smile. “Goodbye.”

All he can do is hope you know it means farewell.

Thursday, October 5th

                You used to love fall. The cooler weather, the long walks that smell like soil and fallen leaves and pumpkins. Nowadays, you hate fall.

You hate it because he loved it, and every reminder of him is poison to you. And though the season is still early, the days are getting shorter, and the longer the night, the more you drown in thoughts.

You haven’t slept in weeks. Have barely eaten too, and you’ve been off from work for a week. It’s allowed you to stay in, to just sit and try to breathe, hoping that it’ll help.

That it’ll fix something that’s never going to be fixed.

You’re lost. Lost in a town that used to be your home, lost in memories that used to be beauty brought to life – now, you’re seeing the ugliness in beauty. Because beauty is temporary, and like all temporary things in life it doesn’t last long enough. Beauty, and the ending temporality of it, leaves nothing when it goes but a bitter taste in mouth.

Perhaps that’s why you haven’t been able to eat properly.

You haven’t spoken to anyone, since the early morning he asked you to leave. Yet for some reason, you’ve felt the need to go outside today. To walk around, aimlessly perhaps, but you couldn’t stay inside a second longer. Too many tears were shed in your apartment, and you hoped the cool weather would help you feel better.

It does, a little. Because you feel like you’re breathing him in every time you inhale, and then carry him out on an exhale. You feel close to him, in a distant way that’s bound to only make you break harder tonight, but right now you can’t bring yourself to care. You do hate the reminders of him, but you need them. Viscerally, as he was the oxygen in your lungs for so long.

You’re going to have to learn how to live without him, one step at a time.

So you take another step, let your instinct carry you where you have to go. Maybe it knows how to heal.

The sun is descending in the sky, and the absence of clouds lead to a sea of azure you’d swim in if you could. You’d soar up high, so high that there isn’t oxygen anymore, and maybe then the pain would cease. You’d ride a sunray into the night, where you’d finally be able to fall into a well-deserved slumber.

As you look up, a tiny bird flies across the sky, a small speck of brown that goes so fast you think you imagine it. Like the years with him – they went by so quickly, the crushing wheel of time spinning down the slope towards the end.

Seven years ago, almost to the day, you kissed him on a hotel roof lost in Chicago, under clouds painted with fire. Who knew seven years later you’d be trying to live without him, clearly failing at it.

You sigh, pushing the thought away as you reach a crossing. You wait for the light to turn green, then follow the parallel white lines across the road. You avoid a pile of leaves, though a strong gust of wind makes some of them swirl around you, spinning like Mother Nature’s tiny dancers.

The foliage in the trees along the street is golden and red, bright colours that look out of place in the bleakness of your heart. You follow them, wonder if they know that they are about to die. The answer is one you’ll never have, and so you walk under the trees, the autumn breeze playing with your hair.

You don’t know where your steps have been carrying you. You’ve long gone past the places you usually go to, heading towards the middle of the city. The no man’s land between you and Jungkook, spread wide in a maze of streets you want to get lost in.

So you do. You press on, walk until the sun becomes a ball of melted gold nearing the horizon, and it’s on the corner of a street that a glint in a vitrine catches your eyes.

You eye the rings, crafted by an expert hand. Bands of gold, with diamonds and emeralds and gems you don’t know the name of. They look expensive, elegant, and you wonder if you would have had a ring on your finger one day, bought by him.

Recklessly, you walk into the shop, wishing to peruse its vitrines, hoping they’ll offer you dreams to survive the night. And you can almost see it – a ring on your finger, a proposal under a star-sprinkled sky, an intimate wedding for you and him. A dance, always and forever, of love shared like a secret in the night. Your secret, as the end would have one day come for you and him, an eternity of life later. You would have been old and grey, yet your love would have been young and eternal.

In this dream, he would have never taken the job overseas. You’d have stayed here, together, growing old by his side. You would have gotten more dogs, maybe even a cat, and you’d have lived happily ever after.

You wonder if, in a parallel universe to yours, the dream is unfolding. If parallel-universe you has the chance to experience it, and you think she does. You think she does, and the love is so strong it’s shaking through universes, picking you up like you’re just a leaf in an autumn wind.

Because why else, then, do you find yourself buying a gold band? Too big for you, masculine in its simplicity. Something you think he would have worn, had you been in that other universe.

You sit on a bench outside, after, as the last of the sunlight finally fades away, replaced by a blue dusk that matches your mood far better than the sun ever could. You have no idea where you are in the city, no will to brave the trek back home – you’ve been out for hours at this point.

You grab your phone, long forgotten in your purse. You haven’t touched it all day, and to your surprise you’ve received a couple of texts while you were walking, all by the same person.

[04:37 pm] Jimin: hey, this is going to sound crazy [04:37 pm] Jimin: and I’m really sorry to be telling u this [04:37 pm] Jimin: can u go check on JK? [04:38 pm] Jimin: he’s been unreachable for days and at this point I think he’ll only talk to u

You want to text him back to fuck off, to leave you alone, yet you hold on tighter to the velvety box in which the gold band hides. After all, even if you’ve received the texts hours ago, you’re realizing perhaps that that’s where your steps have been leading you anyway.

It’s stupid – he asked you to leave. Hasn’t contacted you once since then, and it’s like the wedding and the week after never happened. Like you’ve been broken up for months, like you barely know him anymore. He’s a stranger now, in your life, something you’d never thought he’d become someday.

And why would he talk to you? Why would he want you in his vicinity, when he made it clear as spring water that he was done, that the end had come to pass between you and him?

But if the end has come, why is that you’ve been feeling like you’re surrounded by him, today? Like you’ll always be – just a drop of water in the sea of him. Perhaps you are weak, to feel for him the way that you do, but seven years ago, the cataclysm that started you and him shook you, and its repercussions are still felt today. Will be felt until your dying breath, until all that’s left of you is stardust.

So you let your feet carry you, weightless in the way that you’re moving forward. Like you are once again but a leaf carried by the wind, and you can only hope that it’ll let you land in the right place.

You don’t really know how you make it to his building. Perhaps you were closer than you initially thought you were – all that you know is that you recognize the building, and that you sense his proximity through the walls.

Your heart reaches for him, longs for him in a way you can’t ignore anymore. Because you’ve been dead, without him. Just a shell of what you should be, of what you want to be. Because yes, you could learn to live without him. After everything that you’ve been through, you know well enough that you are strong enough to do it.

But you don’t want it. You want that dream you’ve found in the jewelry shop, want to make it possible. Want to prove that, no matter who would ever get close to you, he’ll always be the owner of your heart.

So you walk in. Reach the elevator, press on the call button. Then on the fourth floor, reminiscing the night you rode the elevator in his company, right before the fall. The new fall, a harshest one that made you reach those low levels of hell that living without him are consisted of.

You awaken when you are standing in front of his door. You think you can almost hear him inside, moving around through his home. You wonder if he can hear your heartbeat, where you’re standing. If he too can tell that you’re nearby once again, even though you shouldn’t have been.

Even though farewells have come to pass between you and him.

You don’t knock. You don’t have to. To your surprise, the door opens in front of you, slowly, before you’ve even managed to raise your arm to knock. Then his voice fills your ear, as he tells Bam to wait. You just stand there, dumbfounded, and then his eyes move from the floor to your face, and his mouth falls open.

Bam jumps on you, tail wagging wildly as you take a step back from the force of impact. You pet him on the head, pushing him back to the floor as you try to focus on Jungkook.

And then it dawns upon you that you have no clue what to tell him. You reckon you maybe should have prepared something in advance, because you’re wordless standing in front of him.

“Hey,” you eventually say, and you think the world has time to revolve around the sun three times before you manage to say something else. “How are you?”

His mouth slowly shuts, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. He pulls on Bam’s leash, tells the dog to sit, before he finally addresses you. Just your name, and the way he says it make it sound formal, like you’re just a stranger.

“What are you doing here?” he asks after another moment.

You look down at your hands. At the box you’re holding, and his eyes follow after you. “I was thinking of you, today,” you admit.

He sighs, and his eyes shut. “You were?”

You nod as he meets your gaze again. “When am I not?” Your comment doesn’t ask for a response, and he doesn’t offer you one either. “Jimin told me you’ve been unreachable.”

“Yeah,” he lets out. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh.” You try to look behind him, as if you’ll find his reason to be busy there. “Can I talk to you?”

He says your name, this time like an apology. “I told you we were done.”

You shrug. “I know.” You gulp, fingers playing with the velvet box as if it’ll help ground you. “Can I walk Bam with you, then?”

He looks conflicted but he gives in. Says yes in a defeated way that rips your heart from your chest, in a way that makes you cling to the ring box even more, hoping that it’ll offer you salvation.

Being outside in the early fall evening with him feels like the Earth has finally returned to its normal axis. You don’t say anything, unable to find the words, and he remains silent too. You just enjoy his company, watching over Bam as he sniffs at plants before peeing on a pole.

Stars are twinkling in the sky up above. The breeze is still soft tonight, caressing your features in a gentle embrace that resembles the one he’d used to offer you, though it’s far colder than his. You spare a glance at him – he’s already looking, and he doesn’t look away as your gazes connect.

“What are you doing here?” he asks again.

You wet your lips. “I don’t know,” you admit. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“How is that an explanation?” A shrug of your shoulders is all the answer he gets. He scoffs, shakes his head slightly, and then his head turns toward the door of his building. “I have hot chocolate inside,” he tells you, once again sounding defeated. “Do you want a cup?”

Turns out salvation wasn’t to be found in the velvet box you’re holding, but in the gentle angles of Jungkook’s features, behind his big doe eyes that will forever feel like home to you.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you tell him, voice soft. “I just wanted to… talk.”

“Then let’s talk over a cup of hot chocolate,” he says.

Which is what you do. You follow him in, feeling like you’re out of place in his life. Like he’s only giving this to you because of what you used to be to one another. Yet you don’t care. You’re slowly finding words, your brain shaping them into sentences to change an ending you can’t come to terms with.

Jungkook prepares the hot chocolate in silence, as you sit at his small dinner table. You play with Bam as he does so, a game of tug-of-war that you’re bound to lose as the dog is far stronger than you. Yet you still indulge, as you’ve missed Bam far more than you even thought possible.

The game is only interrupted when Jungkook rests a cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table next to you. You let Bam go, and the dog trots away to go play somewhere else, you can only assume.

“What did you want to talk about?”

You’ve left the ring box on the table. You’ve noticed Jungkook glancing at it repeatedly since you’ve put it there, and you worry at your bottom lip.

“I wanted to apologize again, for what it’s worth,” you answer. “I felt horrible when it happened, and just wanted to forget all about it.”

His features turn harsh, and his eyes drop into the cup of hot chocolate he’s nursing for himself. It reminds you of a café, of a conversation you had years ago, that led to you opening up to him, and to him opening up to you.

“I love you,” you continue. “I haven’t stopped loving you, and if I’d known that breaking up would hurt so much, I would’ve fought harder. I wish I had, and I wish I’d never let you go.”

“But you did…” he says when you remain silent for a few seconds.

“But I did. And I understand if you hate me for it. If you don’t want to ever see me again. But shit, you’re the only thing that I’ve been able to think about. Just you, and everything that could have been, had I been stronger.”

You grab the cup of hot chocolate, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your cold fingers. For the next few minutes, you don’t say anything, and neither does he. You just drink the hot chocolate, hoping you’ll find more words to say at the bottom of the cup.

“The distance was hard,” Jungkook eventually says. “I don’t blame you for wanting to end things over it.”

It surprises you. Makes your brain go entirely empty, and you just watch him with wide eyes for a few seconds.

He shrugs as you don’t say anything. “What?” He looks down, tongue darting out to play with his piercings. “I’ve been thinking about everything too.”

“Yeah?”

He nods. “I over-reacted, when you told me you had sex with Harrison,” he admits.

Totally not expecting the conversation to take this turn, you’re stunned silent.

“I was shocked, and needed time to process,” he continues. “You were right, the fact that I went on a full-on date is just as bad, differently. We were broken up, we didn’t owe each other anything.”

As much as it pains you to agree, you still do, nodding your head. “We didn’t.”

He purses his lips, holds your gaze for a few seconds before glancing down at his cup. The silence is more comfortable now, as you think maybe, maybe then the dream you’ve dreamed about isn’t just a distant mirage of what could have once been. It’s foolish, but you can’t help it.

You think your heart is beating for the first time since you left that morning weeks ago.

“Did you want to speak about anything else?” he asks after he’s taken a long sip of his hot chocolate.

You take a deep breath, and somehow courage finds you on the long exhale. “I don’t want us to be over.”

You think you hear him gulp. “You don’t?”

Blinking away a few tears, you shake your head no. “I really don’t. I walked around all day today, and all I could think about was you. All I could think of was all the years between us, from when we met to a few weeks ago. And I don’t know, I refuse to accept that the end has come.”

“When does it come, then?” he asks.

“When the end comes?”

He nods.

“After years and years,” you say, allowing yourself to voice your dream. “Hopefully after we’ve had years to live together. After we’ve gotten married, and maybe even after we’ve had kids. Not that I want some.” You pause, and you look down at the table, unable to carry the weight of his gaze anymore. “Or maybe after we’ve had plenty of dogs, a cat or two. After we’ve had a house with a white picket fence, after we’ve danced under a thousand different night skies.” A tear rolls on your cheek, and you do nothing to stop it. “After we’ve travelled the world together, after we’ve had a chance to live, together.”

“And what happens after we’ve lived together?” he presses.

You shrug. “Then we die together. Then we turn into stardust and memories. I don’t care. As long as it’s with you, I don’t care what happens to me.”

Blurry behind the wall of tears in your eyes, you see Jungkook run a hand through his hair. “You don’t?”

“I don’t,” you echo. “I just want to get to love you.”

At that you do cry. And not just a little bit. Your heart longs and yearns for him, reaching in the space between you, trying to find a beat to sync with. You wipe your cheeks dry with trembling hands, before pressing the heel of your palms on your eyes, hoping to stop the cascade at the source.

“It’s a nice dream,” Jungkook says after the few minutes it takes you to collect yourself, your hands falling to the table.

“Is it?”

He nods. “Yeah. I don’t think we’d do a white picket fence though. I’ve always found cedar trees make a better fence.”

Something stirs inside of you, and you want to take a hold of him, and to never let go. “Yeah?”

He sits back in the chair, looks up to the ceiling as he blinks away the silver in his own gaze. You wonder if he’s crying because he saw you cry, as the sympathetic crier that he is, or because he shares the emotions in your heart.

“Where would you want to get married?” he asks then.

You push the velvet box towards him. “This is for you.”

He doesn’t acknowledge this, instead repeating the question.

“Somewhere in the countryside,” you answer. “Maybe the cottage where it all started.” You think about Julys of a world ago. “Under the night sky.”

“People don’t usually get married when it’s already dark.”

“Right,” you let out. “Then we’d have a ceremony for just us two when it’s dark outside.”

At that he grabs the box, opening it. You reckon he must have known what the content was, because he doesn’t say anything as he takes it out. As he tries to put it on his finger, though it doesn’t fit. It’s too tight, and it makes him chuckle, a sad sound that almost kills you on the spot.

“Do you think we’d dance under the stars?” he asks as he turns the gold band in his fingers, and light glimmers on it.

“Yes,” you say, nodding your head. “We always would.”

“So you came all the way here to tell me this?”

He meets your gaze again, for the first time in a while. He looks struck with emotion, much like you feel – the depths of his eyes are swirling with love and ache and yearning. You fall forward, fall in his eyes, trying to find home again.

“I came here to ask you to marry me,” you finally say, as it dawns upon you that, yes, your steps were leading you to this all along. “Jungkook, will you marry me?”

He smiles, a world of sadness etched in the sweet curve of his lips. “Can it be this easy?”

You shut your eyes. “It can. Please. Let’s not lose what we have again.”

“When would you like to get married?” he asks.

“Are you saying yes?”

He plays with his piercing, takes a deep breath as he chases tears away from his gaze but to no avail. You watch the two drops as they slowly roll down his face. “When would you like to get married?”

“In July,” you answer easily.

“Next year?”

You nod.

He holds your gaze for a few seconds more, then looks at the gold band again. His fist closes around it, slowly, as if he’ll be able to crush it in his hold. For what you don’t know. All that you know is that his features grow tortured, pained. It doesn’t last long – another deep breath later the expression is gone.

“I need to tell you something,” he says then, his voice so small you can barely hear it.

You prepare yourself. As well as you can, expecting the blow before it comes. You sense it – in the eternity it takes for him to speak again, you see every moment of you and him before this day, your life flashing before your eyes as if you’re about to die.

And then he says it a first time. At first you don’t even understand the words, as if he’s speaking a foreign language. So you let out, “What?”, hoping that it will change the cruelty that this world holds.

But nothing can, after the end has come. Nothing, especially not as he repeats the words, softly, their meaning tainting the dream you’ve just painted with him, until all that’s left of it is a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.

“I’m permanently moving to South Korea.”

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I'm sorry for the angst, for the cliffhanger, for them to be so stubborn and for how life is working against them now. I hope you don't hate me too much after this :') let me know what you think of this chapter!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

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[demigod-shenanigans]

While I’m on the topic of Valgrace adopting a child, this is Sofía:

Some lore:

When Jason and Leo are in their late twenties/early thirties a demigod legacy leaves a baby at the entrance of the Waystation. The decision to adopt her is easy—they’d been thinking about adoption anyway. Besides, Jason has been the abandoned child before and Leo obviously isn’t fond of the foster system and knows exactly what it’s like to feel unwanted by a foster family. They’ve both felt so lost and alone and unloved in the past and they immediately vow that they’ll do everything in their power to make sure this little girl won’t ever feel like that.

They name her Sofía Esperanza Valdez. Sofía because it’s one of the names they both liked and Leo decides she just looks like a Sofía, and Esperanza obviously in honor of Leo’s mom. Jason is the one to gently suggest using it as a middle name, stating that if names have power, there’s nothing quite as powerful as hope, and Leo immediately starts crying. (He knew he wanted to honor his mom in some way. He just didn’t bring it up because he was terrified that the baby sharing a name with his mom after what happened to her might be bad luck. But Jason is right that hope was the thing that saw them through when nothing else would, making it a name that’s fundamentally very positive. Besides, Leo’s mom was so much more than her death. She was smart and brave and stubborn and loved with all her heart. She managed to find happiness, even in the difficult times. All of these are good things.)

Me and @queenjunothegreat have been waffling back and forth about this girl for weeks, there is so much lore I’ll probably need a lot of posts for all of it (or asks, if anyone wants to know anything specific please feel free to send asks)

For now, have some additional Sofía fun facts (under the cut so people who aren’t interested can scroll past more easily):

-She’s a legacy of Luna, the faded Titaness of the moon. Piper thinks it’s hilarious that wolf boy somehow ended up with a moon child and jokes about it a lot.

-When she wouldn’t sleep as a baby Jason would rock her while levitating up and down the hallway. They’re not sure why, exactly, but this almost always worked.

-Sofía’s first word is papa, which is not, in fact, the Spanish word for dad that Jason was going for but instead means either pope or potato (depending on how it’s gendered). The word for dad is papá, which is similar-ish but emphasizes the ending instead of the beginning. Adult Jason’s Spanish is decent but he got it mixed up which part needed to be emphasized and taught her wrong. Leo absolutely explodes into laughter when he hears it and it’s one of his favorite stories to tell for years. Every time someone asks about her first word he lights up like a Christmas tree. Jason is mortified but the whole thing brings Leo so much joy that maybe the embarrassment was worth it.

-Leo is always building her stuff to play with. Sofía is the kind of kid that brings some new toy to kindergarten/school at least once a week because Leo cannot tell her no for shit.

-Leo is usually the one who stays up at night with Sofía when she’s a toddler. Due to the whole moon child thing, she’s a terrible sleeper (good luck waking her in the morning) but Leo doesn’t really mind. He’s just tinkering away at some project that he’d probably be working on at that time anyway as his very awake kid toddles about and they’re both perfectly content with it. They fall asleep on the couch together watching TV the next morning, and Jason just smiles and gets a blanket to put over Leo’s knees.

-Her and Leo definitely bake together and it usually comes out well but the kitchen is always a huge mess after. One time she insisted her dad help her make a birthday cake for her papá’s birthday but Jason cannot cook or bake to save his life and it was a complete disaster.

-Sofía has no concept of fall damage. Absolutely none. Will climb up anywhere no matter how high and jump off with zero hesitation because there’s never been a time when her dad hasn’t caught her (either personally via flying up or with the winds). Leo is way more anxious about this than Jason, which seems strange until you consider that Jason is married to Leo and has had to catch him plenty of times in the past, but while Leo worries about Jason sometimes, he’s never really had to worry specifically about Jason falling from high places before. But obviously, unlike Jason, Sofía can’t fly.

-When she’s annoyed, she scowls in a way that’s almost comically similar to Jason.

[boundinparchment]

Blasphemous Rumors - VIII

“Marry me.” He said it with such blasé that you weren’t sure you heard him correctly.  Silence surrounded the two of you and he leaned down and tilted his head, watching you like a specimen under a microscope. “Just for a year.  A marriage of convenience.  Consider it nothing more than a harmless experiment for the sake of curiosity.”

Il Dottore/Female reader with established personality.  Slow-ish burn.  Semi-enemies to lovers. Minors DNI.

On AO3 here, reblogs and kudos appreciated.

You stared at your desk, the office still dim and quiet this early in the morning.  Once pristine, polished, and neat, the space had apparently been turned into a floral shop in your absence, vases lining almost all of the surface area.  A stack of envelopes, some thicker than others, were neatly piled in your inbox tray.

It was a sight only slightly more improved than Lord Dottore’s quarters, which were filled with arrangements and boxes and a tea set from the Tsaritsa Herself.  Unpacking proved difficult when both of you were buried in a sea of congratulations that were just as fake as your vows. 

You tried not to consider them to be your rooms, even if that was where you currently slept.  After all, you wouldn’t be in them much longer than necessary.  Would your husband let you keep the house you chose after all of this, you wondered. 

In hindsight, perhaps you should have taken another few days.  Your thoughts swam with a list of names to send appropriate thank you notes to, laundry was still a burden, and you had yet to determine how to stash your notes securely.  But the Segments had expenses to track and your husband was diving right back into his most expensive project…someone had to keep Pantalone happy and off your backs.

“I hardly expected you in at this hour, my lady.  Most in your position would have gladly slept in.”

You hadn’t even heard the elevator doors chime nor the familiar footsteps of Lord Pantalone as he approached, congenial smile in place and eyes narrowed.  He bowed ever so slightly at the waist, as was customary for a lower-ranking Harbinger, but only enough to be polite; you still worked for him, marriage to a Harbinger or not.  You returned the gesture, shoulders aching from the tension settling in them.

Something in his words sat wrong, like a picture frame a hair out of alignment.  You expected certain insinuations from those who understood the gravity of your position, especially after Lord Dottore’s words on the ride back to the Palace.  Ironic, when you recalled that Lord Pantalone especially had a soft spot for the ethic of the working class he so lovingly exploited.  You smiled.

“Most in my position are unable to multitask due to never having worked a true day in their lives.  I believe I’ll manage, Lord Harbinger.”

“Of that, there is little doubt.  Anyone else would be a poor match for our dear Doctor.” 

Lord Pantalone tilted his head, leather gloves squeaking as he gripped the top of his walking stick.  The Electro delusion pinned over his heart winked in the dim light as he turned and walked away.

Your coworkers, polite though their gifts were, set your teeth on edge.  Within a few hours of the work day, it was impossible to miss the notable silence whenever you walked into a room, eyes averted, heads bowed in passing.  Many said your name when they knocked on your office door and then dropped their sentence, immediately correcting themselves. 

Worse yet were the exchanges you caught when no one thought you were around or could hear (or, more than likely, they didn’t care if you did). 

“She climbed the ladder, crazy thought he is; why is she even here?”

“Do you think they—”

“He’s unconventional but come on, even you can admit the Second is demure.  They went on honeymoon for practically a month and the maids said she looked a right mess when they left.  Give it three months, tops, before she resigns wearing looser clothing.”

You made a mental note to consider a private coffee pot in your office instead when you walked into the communal break room and topped off your cup without a word.  Hopefully no one noticed how flushed your face was (or if they did, they attributed it to modesty). 

On one hand, you were thrilled enough people seemed to buy it so quickly; on the other, did they really need to throw around…

Your stomach dropped as you walked back to your office.  Nonsense.  It wasn’t on the list and this wasn’t going to last.  Besides, there were specific actions required you doubted your new husband intended to follow through on.

He’d been candid thus far, after all.

Such thoughts eased your tensions just enough to stave off a migraine. 

A knock at your door brought them right back when your shoulders snapped back at the sound.  Pantalone’s assistant, one of them, stood poised with eyes skimming you.  Young, chosen for their shrewdness, charm, and efficiency; hardly without a brain but certainly void of personality, you learned, from your years in the department.

“Lord Pantalone would like to see you,” they said.  “Bring all of your documents and records pertaining to Lord Dottore.”

They walked off before you could confirm or question anything further.  Naturally.  Lord Pantalone preferred to keep one guessing, allow for the fear and anxiety to stir.  The weak-willed fell for it every time.  You were used to treading on eggshells and cleaning up loose ends.  The physical reactions would subside soon enough. 

You ran your tongue over your back teeth as you turned your attention to the bookshelves, where you kept your ledgers.  All of your documentation was a tall order; you had several years of bound ledgers, multiple books per year thanks to the Segments’ contributions to the account activity.  It would have been easier to simply tie a bookshelf to a handtruck and wheel it into Pantalone’s office.  Instead, you settled for the most recent finished records and a rough estimate of the number of books involved before you made your way towards your boss’ office.

Calling you in was more intentional than it seemed, you realized, when Lord Pantalone told his assistant to go on lunch after she brought in freshly brewed tea to the sitting area in the far reaches of his office.  He didn’t want anyone overhearing this conversation.  But why?

The double doors were shut with a soft click and you wished the too-soft sofa would swallow you whole.  It would certainly be easier to disappear into the cushions of a couch than layer lie on top of falsehood and then beside another untruth.  Yes, a day off would have been appropriate. 

Lord Pantalone stared at the single leather bound book on the table beside the tray before his gold eyes flickered to you.

“That surely can’t be all of your record-keeping, my lady.  I’m beginning to suspect my colleague married you for a different kind of cooking ability,” he said as he poured tea for both of you.

The smile that plastered itself across your face was the same one that pulled at your lips on your wedding day.  Just a tad too tight and you had to remind yourself to make your eyes crinkle.  Your eyes skimmed the tea cup placed in front of you

“There are several years’ worth of ledgers, given Lord Dottore’s projects and Segments.  This is the most recent one and the rest are filed in my office.  Anyone can find whatever they need quite easily, sir.”

And I wasn’t about to carry two armfuls of ledgers for no good reason.  I’m already humiliated enough as it is, you thought.

It would be rude not to take the tea in front of you, of course, and so you took it with a practiced carefulness.  There was a smokiness to it that made you pause when a pang of memories of snow creatures and sticky treats ran through you.  For a moment, you felt your face relax at the familiar scent as you glanced up at your boss.

Always impossible to get a read on him, of course.  Eyes closed, he was lost in savoring a sip of his own before he returned his cup and saucer to the table.

He wouldn’t drug you, not here, at any rate.  Too many people saw you go into his office and he wouldn’t risk his companionship with Dottore so early on.

A taste of home ran over your tongue, soured only because it was brewed for too long.  The cinnamon tingle lasted far longer than it should have and stung as it met your throat.

“I will speak to the rest of the staff regarding the loose tongues everyone seems to have,” Pantalone began.  “I made it quite clear before your return that such behavior would not be tolerated but most seem to have forgotten how much finds its way to my ears.”

“That’s not why I’m here though, is it, Lord Harbinger?” you replied, resting your cup on your lap.

“It’s not the only reason, no.  Given your new...arrangement, it would be unethical for you to continue monitoring your spouse’s accounts.  Although you’ve done a far better job than most have in centuries, to the point that your social status has changed because of it, it is still a conflict of interest I have no desire to foster.”

Not even a chance to prove that you wouldn’t commit such acts.  Not even a single day back.  You steeled yourself and picked up the cup again, taking another sip as you waited for the other shoe to drop.

“You’ll instead be the auditor in charge of my personal accounts and balancing my books.  Few have ever been able to keep any of the Doctor’s records straight between his projects and those of his Segments.  That you’ve been as thorough and steadfast as you have been is a testament to your work ethic.”

“And so someone else can learn how to do my Lord Husband’s books in the event I’m not here,” you surmised.

It was fairly logical, to say nothing of the fact that you were already prepared for such moves from Lord Pantalone in particular.  If you ever were indisposed, no one else would know how to balance the Doctor’s accounts and track everything properly.  The Second’s spending was rivaled only by the man before you.  Your work for various other accounts could be transferred to anyone (although it put you at a disadvantage, naturally).

This put you in a far better position, though.  The ledgers of nobles were helpful, sure, but what exactly was Lord Pantalone doing with his money?  That would be telling in comparison, wouldn’t it?

“It will also keep you out of earshot of the rumor mill, which I’m sure you’re sick of hearing.  Lord Dottore is a dear friend and although he was far from pleased to be on display for your marriage, I would be remiss to not look out for you in his stead.”

“Thank you, Lord Pantalone,” you replied.  “I will, of course, do my best.”

“I would expect no less.”

You knew that tone well, the same one used when terms could not be negotiated: polite but not without the sharpest edge pressed to the tender part of one’s neck, what you imagined an assassin’s kiss might feel like.

It took everything in you to smile and take another sip of home instead of throwing the scalding liquid and spitting venom.  All of this would pay off in the end.  You wouldn’t be under the Regrator’s thumb forever and you wouldn’t be married to Lord Dottore for the rest of your life.  This was temporary.

Your blood pressure disagreed but that was a problem for later.

As you rose to leave, dismissed to spend the rest of the day organizing your new office or leave to tend to other matters (how generous, you mused, resisting the urge to roll your eyes), Lord Pantalone returned to his desk briefly to leisurely browse through a stack of papers.  You watched his expression shift slightly as he located what he was looking for and held it out to you, a silent order to come fetch.

“I will be hosting dinner next month out at my estate,” he said.  “A cordial dinner between colleagues and friends to celebrate your nuptials.  The Tsaritsa and the Jester will not be present. The Segments have told me the schedule is free.”

How easily that might change, you thought, taking the sealed envelope carefully.

“I’ll be sure to let Lord Dottore know,” you replied mildly.

“Do be sure he arrives in an agreeable mood, won’t you?  He’s insufferable when he’s been cooped up for too long.”

As you left Lord Pantalone’s office to see to your own new accommodations, your cheek scar, faint though it was, burned at the insinuation.

To your surprise, dinner continued to held in private, the two of you shut away from the world in a suite far too large for either of your liking.  You left the invitation tucked beneath his dinner plate, already laid out when you returned from work, and were handed a letter from the serving staff that you opened as your husband broke Pantalone’s seal.

“I’d rather eat glass,” Lord Dottore said, looking at you and holding up the envelope for context.

“Maybe we can make a special request and have it added to the menu.  After all, we’re supposedly the guests of honor.”

Across the table, Dottore’s shoulders shook as he grinned, tongue pressed between his back teeth in thought.  You couldn’t help but give a small laugh as your shared secret floated in the air, that neither of you were pleased with Pantalone’s interference.

Your smile fell as you read cramped handwriting, loopy and quick.  Your father’s physician's.  Not a bill but hardly a new diagnosis, either.  Reiterations of the last message, with more urgency than your father used.  Management was beginning to no longer be feasible.  This coming year might be the last.

Immediately, you relayed your promotion, ignoring the crease that formed at the corner of Dottore’s mouth at your change of subject.  The rest of the meal passed as they usually did, filled with conversations you might otherwise have had in the walls of your office. 

Afterwards, you played chess with a strange mix of unease in your chest, wondering with every move how to navigate not just the board but the man before you.

The promotion was key but now both of you were in the loop and aware you would be under Lord Pantalone’s nose now.  The Segments needed to know, at the very least, but that was his business. 

How was that going to work now, anyway?  Should you be around them?  Hard enough to keep one Doctor in your sights…another thing to manage…

You could do it, keep going.  You had to.

“Are you going to move your rook, Accountant?  Or are you holding onto it like a magpie hording its treasures?” Lord Dottore drawled, resting his elbow on the chair’s arm and resting his head on his scarred fist.

When had he removed his gloves?

You blinked and tried to clear your vision, focusing on the board long enough to place the rook in a proper position, capturing a bishop in the process.

“We might as well stop for the night; you just set yourself up for failure.”

To prove his point, you watched a gloved hand position one piece, capture your queen, and put you into check.  At this point, it would be a standoff in three moves or less.  Damn him.

“Was your day back truly so awful that your focus is shot, dorogáya moya?  Usually you’re so sharp during these conversations.  That banker can be obnoxious and chatty but you’ve worked in the Palace’s accounting department for years.  You aren’t the type to be easily intimidated.”

Your skin prickled at the observation and you felt a twitch in your brow.

“If you were, you’d have departed the Fatui in Liyue and never returned and many of my projects would not have been financed,” Dottore said, arranging the board back to the starting point.  “The nation of contracts and commerce is always in need of book-keepers and accountants.  But you aren’t the type for easy work.”

“Don’t do that,” you snapped.

“You’ll need to be more specific.”

“Act like you know me.”

“I know a version of you.  It is inevitable we will come to know others over the course of this year.  Would you rather I not engage you at all?  Treat you as others in my position would, leave you to your own devices?”

Dottore leaned back in his chair, his work on the board done as he rested an ankle over his knee. 

“Who was it that made the case for being meaningful with one another?  I do not benefit from your mind being cluttered, Accountant.”

He was giving you a chance, that much was clear.  But a Fatuus was still a Fatuus; if you gave an inch, he would take a mile and a half and your kidney for good measure.  Lying wouldn’t do you any good, you well knew, even if your extracurricular hobbies were for the benefit of others. 

And something in the way he tilted his head and seemed at ease before you seemed to only encourage you to trust him.  Something that was slowly beginning to be less and less of an option and more of a necessity.  Especially here, back at the Palace, with eyes everywhere. 

“My father’s physician wrote.”

“Your post from dinner?”

“He is encouraging my father to spend time with loved ones and advised me that this winter has been particularly brutal on him.  It always has been, as I mentioned before, but his lungs are heavily scarred and aren’t working properly.  In his professional opinion, his physician does not think he’ll see next spring.”

Your words hung in the air like a held breath after an executioner’s blade fell.  When Dottore didn’t respond, you pulled out the letter between two fingers and extended your hand so he could inspect the letter himself. 

A jolt ran through your finger and up your arm as his bare finger brushed yours, slightly cold but not unpleasantly so.  He was rarely without gloves of any kind, even back at the beach, and you were immediately reminded of sticky honey and flakey dough

Silly, wasn’t it, to want that moment back.  Both because of your tiny slip-up and because you wished you’d admired his hands more.

He was quiet for a long while, contemplative for so long that you wondered if he fell asleep beneath his mask. 

“The Regrator’s country estate is out to the north.  It seems quite inefficient to make two trips when we could suffer through the dinner and then continue further north to visit your family.  Certainly takes care of several items all at once.”

At least three, four if the dinner counted as a private event, you recalled.  That he was so quick to plan caused a pit to grow in your stomach.  What should have eased the anxieties for most seemed to only amplify them.

He continued on.  “In the meantime, I will rearrange my schedule to accommodate property visits to find a suitable living space.  Does this sound agreeable, Accountant?”

Your heartrate increased ever so slightly, just enough to make your stomach churn, when you noticed the corners of his mouth turning upwards.  Different than the vicious grins he loved to terrorize people with when he was feeling particularly playful and miles apart from the variations you saw at your wedding.

He needed to stop doing that.  But he was right.  You were the one who had asked for some attempt at making this…at least have a believable foundation.  Who agreed to ingratiating him into your life, your family. 

And when things inevitably came to an end…

“Yes, it does,” you said at last, a weak smile crossing your lips.  “At least one matter will be settled long enough to…refocus on ensuring our shared success.”

[chaithetics]

Furtive Hands

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

Word count: 7.3K

Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, established/secret relationship, smut, fingering, P in V intercourse, some fluff, soft but also kind of dom-ish Stewy? Vague-ish mentions of canonical childhood abuse/trauma, and toxic family dynamics, Logan makes a cameo at the start (deserves its own warning), Logan's death and grief mentioned also Roman being a bit of a douche. I think that's it?

(Reader is technically a Roy because that's how the plot/idea worked but I avoided physical descriptions other than reader having AFAB physical characteristics. You're more than welcome to canon this reader as being adopted or half-siblings with the other Roys. I try to avoid giving physical characteristics and am tempted to continue to code all my readers as readers of colour out of spite due to the lack of intersectionality in fics. My reader in A Cinematic Lover has no physical characteristics other than being chronically ill but is Desi coded.)

Author's Note: I didn't proofread all of it, whoops. This is also my first time writing Stewy and I'm not too sure how I feel about this fic. I don't feel super confident in saying that "I captured his voice" etc. But I adore Stewy Hosseini and Arian Moayed and we need more Stewy fics. Please let me know your thoughts! I'd really appreciate the feedback :)

Like being in the Roy family, being the youngest in the clan had its perks and downfalls. You’d been able to get away most of your life with your father’s wrath directed towards your older siblings but at a certain point when they’d reached adulthood before you and it was quickly redirected towards you. You and your older brother Connor were the only ones to stay out of the family business, Connor was technically more involved than you which said a lot to anyone familiar with the family’s affairs. 

Despite being the youngest it would be fair to say you were the most emotionally mature of your siblings (although you could easily admit that’s a very low bar) and the most well-adjusted (again, another relatively low bar). You were a practising clinical psychologist who had of course undergone a bunch of therapy yourself for your childhood trauma. You’d wrapped up a session and were walking a patient out before heading back into your office for your office lunch date when you were interrupted by a booming presence. 

“Dad?” You immediately questioned. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be here-” 

“I thought I’d stop by. See the new office-”

“I’ve had this office for 3 years.” You interjected. 

Logan quirked an eyebrow at that, he seemed almost amused at your assertive call out. You had been a louder child like Roman but unlike your brother, you became quieter as a teenager. You knew your father had assumed that was because you didn’t have whatever “deficiency” he believed Roman had and that you’d grown out of it. The reality was, that it was a trauma response and you’d learnt that life was easier with him if you were quiet and made your presence as sparse as possible. 

He’d always found playing his games with you particularly interesting due to this, you weren’t as quiet now as you were as a teenager and you weren’t as loud as you were as a child, somewhere in the middle. You could slink off at the few family gatherings you intended to not be questioned or dragged into shop talk. But you still had a known presence and you were the only one of his children who could somewhat confidently cut him off and respond to him with what he’d deem as some sense of calmness. You weren’t as pliant to him as your siblings which made his mind games all the more intriguing to him. 

“Right. Well, it’s a nice enough place.” 

“Thanks.” You bit your lip as you waited for your father to continue, he didn’t show up for no reason. 

You were trying to project a calm facade you were starting to worry for a myriad of reasons. With what was going on with your family this wouldn’t be any pure coincidence. You weren’t the most involved in the family business but you were well aware and received updates from Kendall. But there was also concern over the potential sighting of your lunchtime visitor. 

“Well dear, I need you to do something for me.” You tilted your head and your brow furrowed at his words. 

“Since when do you need favours? Specifically favours from clinical psychologists?” You questioned. 

“It’s to do with your siblings.” Logan spoke flatly as he then sat himself down on one of the armchairs in your waiting room. He was mildly irritated that you hadn’t invited him into your office and that you’d kept that room off limits for him, blocking the doorway to it. 

You scoffed at his words and rolled your eyes, one thing was for sure, whatever this was, it wasn’t good. 

“Continue.” 

Logan’s eyes narrowed at you slightly as he watched you as if it was the first time he was seeing you. He was used to you being uninterested and not the way that Shiv tried to play everything cool with Logan. You were genuinely uninterested, your eyes looked cold.

You had a colder approach with your father in comparison to your siblings, it was healthier and the easiest for you to maintain without being sucked in like they were. It wasn’t a big surprise to anyone that you weren’t impressed with the confrontations that happened in your presence, your siblings had weird concepts and responses of support. But there were the built-in responses as you’d gotten older, Kendall defended and you comforted. 

Logan hadn’t always given you a great deal of attention in those moments but he was familiar with your mannerisms as he’d call them now. But today you seemed annoyed, this wasn’t an emotion that Logan felt like he’d seen from his youngest in almost a lifetime. He  found it to almost be the most interesting he’d ever found you, he mused that you must know or be hiding something. 

“Well, you grew up with Kendall, Roman and Siobhan. You understandably know them well and you have a unique skillset with your area of expertise.” He paused for a moment watching your face as he said that before continuing. 

“And?” 

“You would’ve made observations of their behaviours over the years. Symptoms-behaviours- whatever the fuck you want to call it. You have the power to diagnose.” You looked at him and the cooler facade you normally actively projected with him was starting to fade into one of horror. “I’d like you to write a piece on that, about your siblings. Their credibility, illnesses. A media circuit perhaps as well. You’re a credible and telling source.” 

You stared at your father in silence, you didn’t know what to say to him. This was awful, even for him. 

“So?” He broke the silence, his eyes were deadly serious, and his lips were in a small but twisted smirk. 

“No. No! Just no…That’s absolutely fucked up. No.” You looked around starting to think about how messed up that your father hadn’t just come up with this idea but that he was willing to do it to his children, your older siblings and drag you into this. “No, and if I did that who would then get the chance to write the think piece on you?” You asked sardonically rubbing your brow. 

“Well, I’m sure Shiv could whip up a sequel to her letter on Kendall.” He bit back almost nonchalantly. 

“I shouldn’t be surprised but I just can’t get over the fact that you’d do this, that you’d ask me to do this dad. What you did to Kendall after that Board vote, was sick… And again? To all of them?” You were starting to feel nauseous and weaker around him. 

“Are you talking to Kendall?” He asked in a cold tone. 

“He’s my brother.” You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“And I’m your father.” 

“Unfortunately.” You looked into his eyes and bit your cheek. 

He scoffed at that. He’d come in relatively calm, well calm for him but he was quickly becoming agitated at your lack of cooperation.  

“He’s a lousy excuse for a son and a brother.” 

“Kendall doesn’t interrupt my day of work for a fucked up favour.” You spat out, you weren’t shying away from his gaze even though his presence was getting too much for you. “I think you should leave Dad. I have patients and I need to eat something, I need lunch.” 

“Fine. Don’t give my regards to your fucking brother.” He said as he started to get up, you just leaned against the wall. 

“Hey-” Stewy’s voice crackled against the thick tension between you and your father as he waltzed into the entryway of your waiting room. He paused for a second as his gaze quickly landed on your father and you. You thought you saw a brief flicker of panic in his eyes but he quickly and efficiently plastered over it. 

“And what the fuck are you doing here?” Logan directed at Stewy with a huff and an eye roll. Logan’s concern and suspicion were piqued significantly now as his disappointed gaze flicked over to you. 

“Well sir Roy, your deleterious business plans and board meetings are getting a bit too traumatic, that much I now need to see Dr Roy.” Stewy immediately and confidently jumped in, his playful and pointed lie came across smoothly and convincingly. Logan scoffed at that and started to walk out. 

“Don’t think about trying any of your peacock philandering with my daughter,” Logan said to Stewy as he walked past him. 

“How thoughtful, safe travels sir.” Stewy laughed off Logan’s comment which just seemed to irritate him more. 

“Think about it.” Logan said as he looked back at you as he was in the doorway, you just held his gaze for a moment. 

“I’ll see you at the wedding.” You calmly stated, he narrowed his eyes again at you for a second and then just walked off. 

**********

Stewy wasn’t a patient of yours, he fortunately never had been, that would’ve been a massive ethical violation. He was meeting you at the office for lunch, something that you two often did. It had been vaguely discussed in the past that if somebody ever saw him in your office it could be easy to dismiss it as him being a patient or wanting some kind of psychological consultation relating to work. It was never an excuse that had been needed before today and you were surprised at how quickly Stewy went into that mode and how he simply sold it. 

You were sitting on the sofa in your office with your legs in Stewy’s lap, he had an arm over the back of the sofa and his other hand was gently caressing your legs as you recounted the brief visit from your father before Stewy came. Stewy was playful and a bit chaotic but he was also intelligent and he could be serious and thoughtful, which he often was for you. 

“I should call Kendall before something happens.” You said looking at Stewy and he nodded, continuing his comforting, soft touches on your sprawled-out legs. 

You grabbed your phone and called Kendall, the phone barely rang before it was answered. 

“Yo?”

“Dad came by the office earlier today.” 

“Oh? What did the old fuck want?” Kendall teased.

“He asked me to write a piece on you, Rome and Shiv. To air out everyone’s laundry, basically ‘diagnose’ you all and try to discredit your side of what’s going on. It was so fucked up Ken.” There was a pause for a moment, you heard Kendall sigh and then inhale. You made eye contact with Stewy who was silent and watching you. 

You had a requited soft spot for Kendall. He was your older brother and he was a good one at that. He was fiercely defensive of all his siblings, which he seemed to prioritise over his own trauma and feelings in confrontations with your father. But as the baby of the family and not having the same tongue as your siblings, you suppose you came across as weaker, more vulnerable. You’d concluded a long time ago that this added to the soft spot that Kendall has for you. You also thought subconsciously it was also linked to the fact that you were the most patient and sympathetic sibling he had. 

“What did you say?” Kendall finally asked, his voice was more serious now. 

“I said no, a bazillion times. I told him it was sick and asked him to leave.”

Ken nodded, and then he remembered that you couldn’t see that. 

“That’s pretty fucked up. Not surprising though I guess…”

“Are you with Rome and Shiv?” You asked. 

“Uh-huh, they’re in the uh, they’re inside.” Kendall answered quickly. 

“Can you tell them?” 

“Yeah, sure but-” 

“I’m really sorry Ken but I have another patient soon, I just wanted to tell you as soon as I could in case something happened. I didn’t want to do it over text.” You answered. 

“Okay, I’ll see you at the rehearsal. Thanks as well.” His second sentence was softer. 

“Yeah, of course. See you then.” You then hung up and looked at Stewy. 

“Did he sound okay to you?” You asked Stewy. 

“Sounded pretty okay for Ken.” Stewy responded as he moved his hand away from your legs and to hold your now phone-free hand. You just nodded and Stewy changed the subject to something else for the rest of your lunch hour which you appreciated. 

****** 

You would say you have a complicated but good relationship with your siblings. While you had the same mother as Kendall, Shiv, and Roman, you and Connor were bonded by your outcast status regarding family affairs. You didn’t agree with a lot of the opinions that left Connor’s mouth but he was still a compassionate older brother to you. You often were iced out together at family gatherings as it was all a business opportunity for your father’s attention. 

You were glad that you just had to relay your father’s request to Kendall. Roman was unpredictable and Shiv would’ve assumed that you had sold them out and this was a mind game. An opinion she’d probably make clear to everyone else and in some way to you as well. 

There had always been significant sibling rivalry in the Roy household. But Shiv had always seen you as her competition in particular, you two were the only women and she lived in a man’s world always striving to prove herself out of spite and nature. Even now she still believed your kinder nature was an act to disarm. She never hid the looks of distrust in her eyes.  

You were now home. You still had your apartment and stayed there occasionally but that was more to save face than anything else. Somewhere along the timeline of your relationship, you’d almost practically moved into Stewy’s apartment. The walk-in wardrobe was equally divided, and your favourite teas were in the kitchen. “It’s closer to your office” had been the justification at the time when he’d been encouraging you to stay over more. 

It was surprising that you hadn’t been caught yet with that in mind, part of you would sometimes wonder if your siblings did know but they were saving it but you knew that if they did it would’ve come out to slap you in the face by now. 

When you’d first met Stewy what felt like a million years ago you never would’ve expected something like this to happen. Then when this all happened and started a few years ago it was still, very unexpected. But he knew probably better than what anyone else would ever be able to comprehend what it meant to get seriously involved with a Roy, even one not involved in the family business. He and Kendall had an interesting friendship and history, with Stewy having been mostly good to your brother. But Stewy was always good to you. 

As you let yourself in you kicked off your shoes lost in your thoughts but you quickly noticed Stewy wasn’t back yet. This wasn’t a surprise though, your job meant you got to work more of a typical 9-5. Something you were grateful for, it seemed like life was just one, endless business meeting and opportunity for everyone involved at Waystar. 

You’d made yourself a cup of tea and were now leaning against the bench in the kitchen with it while scrolling on your phone. You had Google alerts set for all of your immediate family and Stewy, surprisingly there didn’t seem to be too much drama online today. 

“Ugh, fuck!” Stewy’s voice boomed and you heard a bang. 

“Shit, Stewy? Are you okay?” You quickly called out as you made your way over to the apartment's entryway. 

“Yeah, just tripped over your shoes again.” Stewy responded with an amused expression as he took his shoes off and moved them along with yours out of the way. 

This wasn’t the first time it had happened and Stewy knew it wouldn’t be the last. 

“I’m sorry.” You said bashfully as you walked over to hug him, pressing a soft, playful kiss to his lips. “I guess, it’s a good thing you love me.” You kissed him again, teasingly nipping on his bottom lip that was in between yours. 

“You’re such a brat baby.” Stewy smirked as his hand wrapped more firmly around your waist and he kissed you back. 

“I thought you loved that?” You teased between kisses as each one became more heated and desperate with lust. Despite Stewy often being caught or easily roped into your family drama he was the best distraction, escape and companion from everything. 

“I do.” Stewy breathed out as he continued to kiss you and was now kissing your jaw. 

“And I love you…” You whimpered out as his lips started to travel down your neck. He now had you pressed against the wall.  

“And what is it that you love exactly baby?” Stewy purred out as he nibbled around your pulse point. He was always such a tease. 

“I love your hair-” You moaned out as you dug your fingers into his soft, gorgeous curls that were always perfect. “Your voice, eyes, those goddamn turtlenecks, your smile, your colossal vocabulary-” 

“Didn’t you say it was farcical the other day?” Stewy said as he stopped kissing you and looked at you. 

“Stewy!” You whined out, you couldn’t feel his lips on you any more but you could still feel him against you but it wasn’t enough. You needed him. His gorgeous dark eyes were blown out with lust but he had his signature playful, mischievous smirk painted across his face as he cruelly teased you. “You’re such a tease.” 

“I thought you loved that.” He quipped back. You rolled your eyes and took the bait.  

“I do, I love how much of a tease you are.” He felt your breath against his neck as you spoke and then pressed a kiss against his neck, breathing him in. He always smelt so good, despite being a bit of a natural peacock it wasn’t showy, it was more subtle but strong enough. You were certain there was sandalwood in his cologne. “I also love how you feel inside of me.” You spoke as your soft lips kissed his handsome jaw, your soft lips a burning contrast against the tickle of his perfectly trimmed beard. 

“Someone’s getting laid tonight.” Stewy got out, pressing his hips against you as you continued kissing along his jaw and neck, tugging his now tousled curls. 

“That was the plan after all Mr. Hosseini.” You smirked against his neck, feeling him continue to harden against you. He let out a soft, melodic moan as you sucked softly on his neck. 

“How does now sound?” 

“Perfect.” You left his neck to kiss him on the lips, you moaned against his mouth as his teeth clashed against yours. 

One of his hands left your waist to quickly unbutton your pants. Once he’d done that, he quickly slipped a hand in, teasing you as he palmed you and then started to tease your bundle of nerves over your underwear. Your arousal had already started to dampen your underwear and it only grew with his attention. You continued to moan against him, as he gingerly traced a pattern.  

“You’re already so wet and I’ve barely touched you.” Stewy teased. “So beautiful and needy.”

Stewy smirked as he felt you press into his hand more, even with the friction of your underwear, you needed more. You wanted him then and there. You kept hungrily kissing him, feeling starved. Stewy snaked a finger under your underwear and rubbed it along your clitoris for a few seconds before dipping it inside of you making you gasp. 

“More, please Stewy.” You begged between kisses, panting as he chuckled. 

“Such a desperate girl with a needy pussy.” Stewy whispered into your ear as he added a second finger in, he picked up the pace a bit he continued to finger you and his thumb moved to rub over your clitoris a few times. His fingers were covered in your slick and you didn’t have any interest in holding back any of your moans. 

You stayed sandwiched between the wall and Stewy, just moving to press your head against his shoulder, the fabric of his blazer muffled some of your moans as he continued to finger you. You looked down and started to undo his belt and pants. 

“What do you think you're doing baby?” Stewy asked in a low voice that was just making the space in between your thighs grow into an even bigger pool of dampness, you were melting against him. 

“I want you.” You tilted your head up so it was still resting against his shoulder but you were now facing his neck more, you started to kiss his neck again, biting it softly and then licking it. “I want you to fuck me Stewy.” 

“Beg.” Stewy breathed out as he let out a little moan as your tongue darted over his pulse point. His fingers were still entering you but not as deep as before and his thumb was painfully slowly, languidly massaging your bundle of nerves. 

“Please Stewy. Fuck me, I need to feel you deep inside of me.” You nipped him softly right near his pulse point and revelled in the groan he let out at that. “Please, I’m begging you Stewy. I need you.” 

“Tell me exactly what you need.” His thumb cruelly left your clitoris for a moment making you gasp out in shock but he added a third finger inside of you, getting to that soft spot that made you melt and his thumb gently returned to your clitoris after a few seconds. 

“I uh, I-I need you. I need you inside of me now Stewy. I need to feel your cock inside of me.” You moaned out. “Nobody has ever and could ever fill me up the way you do. It feels so good, you make me feel so good. Pl-please Stewy. Please.” You mewled out and you couldn’t quite see his face but you knew it would have that beautiful arrogant smirk. 

“I’ll fuck you, baby. I just need you to come for me first, you can do that, right? I can tell your desperate little pussy is already so close.” You nodded desperately, he wasn’t wrong. You were close to unravelling, he could tell from your breathing and how you weren’t just flooding his fingers but also clamping around him. 

“I’m so close, Stew, fuck.” You moaned out, panting against his neck, it tickled him slightly. You bit your lip and moaned against his neck, he could feel the vibration of it and he loved that, that and the sound of your pleasure. You could feel it coming and gasped into his neck again as you came, Stewy could feel it and smiled as his fingering eased to a slower, gentler pace as you came down from your orgasm. 

“How was that?” He smirked as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

“It was- it was…” You paused for a moment as your breathing started to settle, your heart was still pounding from that high though. “Good.” 

“Good? Only good?” He questioned with a tone of mock hurt.

“Just shut up and fuck me now, please Stew.” You bit his neck, just feeling even more needy for him than you did before. 

“I thought you liked my colossal vocabulary and voice?” He teased as he playfully grinded into you “I distinctly remember you saying so a few minutes ago.” 

“You’re so mean Stewy.” You giggled softly, gently pulling on the roots of his curls. 

“Was that just to get me into your pants?” Stewy paused the grinding, his tone acting as if he was hurt and that the insinuation was possibly true. 

“I guess not because that obviously didn’t work very well.” You responded, leaning back against the wall. He raised an eyebrow at you and then looked down at his belt. You rolled your eyes playfully and started to undo his belt, palming him. He was completely hard but you already knew this from when he’d been grinding into you. 

“Bedroom baby.” Stewy moaned out as you pulled his hard cock out and rubbed it with one hand. 

“You can fuck me here, you’ve done it before.” You pouted and he just chuckled as you kept up with your ministrations. 

“You said I was mean, so you’re not getting it here. You can wait the whole ten seconds it takes to walk to the bed. Our bed for me to have my way with you.” Stewy’s voice was low and firm but there was still that natural teasing tone there. 

You walked briskly to the bedroom that you two shared and Stewy followed and chuckled over the eagerness of your gait. As soon as you both were in the clean room, you kissed him hungrily again. He smirked and expertly unbuttoned your blouse as you pushed his blazer off. You kicked your pants and underwear off and he quickly followed suit. 

Stewy pressed you into the bed and you tugged on the turtleneck he was still wearing to bring him closer to you and then started to push it up off him. 

“Do you love my turtleneck baby?” Stewy teased as you did. 

“Absolutely love it.” You breathed out with a smirk. 

As soon as it was off and thrown to the floor, you were kissing each other again as if you couldn’t survive without the other. You were running your hands over Stewy’s back and up his neck to the luscious locks you loved as he quickly undid your bra. You were both now naked and he continued to kiss you as his hands cupped your chest. 

You moaned out as he started to caress you and pinch your nipples. His lips travelled from yours down to your jaw, your throat, he kissed your breasts and teasingly licked along your nipple for a minute as he started to rub your heat with his other hand. 

“Please Stewy.” You begged out in a desperate moan as your eyes were closed in pleasure. 

“Please, fuck you?” He again teases as he starts to line himself up at your entrance. 

“Yes, please that.” 

Stewy stopped his teasing and happily obliged after what felt like an eternity of almost edging. He pressed his head into you and you gasped as he did, gently scratching his shoulders as he did. It wasn’t long till he was bottomed out, he waited a few seconds for you to adjust before he started to slowly thrust inside of you, eliciting the most melodic moans he’d ever heard. 

“You’re so beautiful and tight, I love being inside of you baby.” Stewy cooed out as his pace quickly picked up a deeper and slightly faster rhythm. 

“You feel so good Stewy, so good inside of me.” You mewled out. 

Your words were literal music to his ears and it wasn’t long till he was grunting out as his thrusts became deeper and harder. 

It was so easy to become lost in Stewy. Especially when he was fucking you like this, having his way with you in the bed you shared. How couldn’t you be lost in him when your eyes were open he was all you could see?

His scent was dizzying as it mixed with the sweat he’d built up from snapping his hips into yours, he was all you could feel, on you and in you, his grunts, words and the filthy sounds you were making together were all you could hear. Stewy was intoxicating, overwhelming, a sensory overload in the most spectacular way. 

You were pulling on his hair as you felt him hitting that perfect soft spot deep inside of you. Your bundle of nerves was already sensitive from the teasing and your earlier orgasm and you could feel the warmth of another orgasm building. 

Stewy wasn’t clueless about this, he could feel you clenching around him especially as he reached that sensitive spot of yours and you were flooding him in your arousal. Other than the feeling of being buried deep inside of you, Stewy couldn’t think of anything sweeter than the noises of your moan and whimpers and the sounds of the squelches made of him thrusting into you and being met with your juices. 

Stewy continued to pound into you, his thrusts were faster and needier, and he was getting close himself. He pressed some sloppy kisses to your neck that warmed your insides up even more with desire and love for him. Stewy’s lips travelled back to yours and you opened your mouth inviting him in as your tongues and teeth passionately attacked each other. 

The kiss became deeper and deeper, you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist and felt him groan at that against your lips which in turn made you smirk. You two continued to kiss and he started to rub your clitoris with his thumb, you moaned into his mouth at the sweet pressure and slightly writhed under him. 

“That feels so good Stew.” You panted out as the kiss broke for a second and you both panted as he continued to thrust into you while rubbing a circular pattern on your bundle of nerves getting closer to their peak. 

“You feel so good. I love you.” He panted out between moans, as his eyes rolled back at the feeling of your velvety walls clenching around him. 

“I love you too.” You moaned out, as your legs tightened slightly around him and you scratched his back. “I’m, so, so, so close.” 

“Yeah? I can feel that baby. Oh fuck, I want you to come for me, come on my cock baby.” He encouraged as he continued. Kissing along your pulse point, fully knowing that would drive you closer to your climax. 

You moaned out while scratching his back and pulling on his hair as you unravelled from your orgasm. Stewy smirked against your neck and continued to massage your sensitive bundle of nerves and thrust at the same, perfect speed as you chased your orgasm and rode out that high. 

“Thank you, baby, that was so good. I want you to come, to fill me up.” You panted out as you placed a hand to cup his cheek as his hips continued to snap back into yours. 

“Fuck, I’m pretty close.” 

You dug your nails into his back as he felt you clench around him in the most spectacular way as you orgasmed and post that. He began to chase his own high and you knew he was close as his thrusts spread up and the pace was more sporadic than rhythmic. 

After a couple more minutes of thrusts, Stewy grunted and kissed you more desperately than he had all day and finally chased his own climax and finished inside of you. Before he pulled out the kiss changed to a gentle, affectionate one and you lightly combed your hands through his hair and then ran them along his face and jaw as he kissed you like that. 

Stewy kissed your forehead softly and then pulled out to go towards the ensuite to get a washcloth to clean up the mess you had made together. He was so firm but gentle with you. 

After that, he laid in bed again on his back, you were cuddled into his side, with your head on his warm chest feeling almost half asleep. 

“What do you think of marriage now?” Stewy asked interrupting the peaceful post-sex silence. There was an air of playfulness but his voice was softer, quieter, almost sleepy. 

“Pardon?” You shifted slightly off his chest to get a better look at his face. You were certain you’d heard him correctly but you weren’t sure if maybe you’d fully given into sleep and this was gibberish or a dream. 

“We’ve talked about eloping before.” 

“Yeah, yes we have but-” 

“I wasn’t joking.” Stewy said as he gently held your chin between his index finger and his thumb. His voice was still soft but it was a bit firmer now, more serious than tired or playful. You bit your lip unsure of what to say as he continued to look into your eyes with his beautiful, diluted ones. 

“You know what that would entail Stewy. Your career-” 

“I do and-” 

“Stewy.” You rested your chin on his chest looking at him. He could see that you were tired. 

“So you don’t want to marry me right before your brother and Willa? Maybe a day or two after? Get that IUD out, then pop out a few babies. I’ll even be super fucking generous and get a vasectomy.” His tone was more teasing now and you had a feeling the humour wasn’t completely genuine but partially a cover-up of possible hurt. 

“Sweetie, I love you. Can we talk about this tomorrow? Maybe not talk about this ‘post-coitus’.” You offered him a small smile and combed your fingers through his hair, admiring the dark locks and the stunning strands of silver. 

“Yes ma’am.” Stewy nodded and kissed your forehead. You settled back into his chest and it wasn’t long until you had dozed off in his arms and on the comfortable pillow of his chest with the reassuring sound of his heartbeat. 

********

You’d been the only one of your siblings to stay for Connor’s wedding. Weddings were just business opportunities in the world of the Roys, grief couldn’t exist with the market and leadership decisions. You didn’t like how the wedding or death side of that traumatic day went down or how it was handled but unexpected deaths weren’t meant to be convenient or follow logic. 

You were now in your deceased father’s penthouse at his wake, having spent most of the morning hiding in a corner from as many eyes as possible. You’d really only spoken to Connor and Willa, your other siblings were in a sitting room being as business-focused as possible. 

It had been a little while into the Wake and you were with your siblings when Stewy and the Furnesses came in. Connor and Willa had been the easiest to talk to which wasn’t really anything new. Kendall and you occasionally made little remarks to each other and even you and Shiv exchanged some looks over other people’s comments or well, audacity.

You took Stewy’s handsome face in, he looked well-rested and fresh-eyed despite the fact that he’d been up most of the night with grieving you. He was handsomely dressed and groomed as always. You wanted to be held by him again, to leave and be curled up in a ball with him. Normally you two acted amicably when your paths crossed in the Roy world and public like this. But you were too depressed and exhausted for the usual furtive nature. 

He’d hugged and given his condolences to your sister Shiv and then she’d moved on to Sandi. You looked at Stewy and gave him a small smile, he went to give you a hug and a faux kiss on the cheek as he did for Shiv but you needed more than that, you needed him. You genuinely hugged him and pressed your head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat, a firm, undeniable reminder that he was there was always comforting. You didn’t care that your siblings were nearby, it wasn’t an indecent act. 

Stewy couldn’t and wouldn’t say no to affection from you ever, let alone in your state in this context. He reciprocated the genuine hug and you held onto him for maybe a few seconds longer than you should’ve if you wanted to avoid the suspicion of your siblings. 

You pulled away despite never wanting to do and tilted your head to see that he was looking at you warmly, sympathy written all over his eyes. His hands had moved to softly rest on the sides of your arm, the touch was comforting but could easily be perceived and argued as platonic to an onlooker. He had a small, genuine smile on his face as he looked at you. 

“Hey,” he said softly. 

“Hey.” You responded back quietly. You wanted to kiss him, you were almost tempted to and then Kendall was quickly whisking Stewy away. 

You went back to your corner and eventually, you were joined by Kendall and Roman. You saw that Stewy was making his rounds of small talk and his eyes occasionally wandering, searching for you to see where you were and how you were doing. 

“Have you thought about psychoanalysing yourself?” 

“What?” You questioned exhaustedly as your mind was pulled away from stealing glances at Stewy by Roman’s words. 

“That was a bit too touchy with Ken-doll’s boyfriend.” Roman retorted. “I didn’t realise jumping on your brother’s BFF was one of the five stages of grief.” 

“Excuse me?” You now glared at him. 

“Oh, I guess it must be a new one they added in.  Are you gonna get a model named after yourself? Or are you saving the Roy model for something more fucked up?” 

“I’m not doing this Roman.” You sighed in exasperation and walked off to find a glass of wine but were quickly disturbed again. 

“Don’t worry, he doesn’t actually know about you two,” Kendall smirked as he whispered to you. 

“What the fuck Ken?” You jumped at the fright from Kendall, you were grateful that you were still empty-handed or else you’d have stained your outfit if not all of your surroundings from your brotherly jumpscare. Your reaction just made Kendall’s smirk grow. “You knew? But Stewy never told you.” 

“He didn’t. I figured out a while ago that you two were uh…” He dramatically paused for a moment as if he was thinking of the right word with a teasing smirk. “Copulating.” 

“Ken!” You elbowed him softly to try and get him to quieten down. “Why did you never say anything?” You quietly questioned. 

“Well, it was pretty fucking weird at first. He’s not the worst Harvard finance bro out there.” Kendall said with a playful expression. “He keeps you happy-adjacent right?” 

“Yeah, he does. Thank you.” You gave Kendall a tight-lipped but grateful smile. 

“You know, you don’t have to hide it anymore right?” 

You looked up at Kendall, questioning him with your eyes. You and Stewy’s relationship was complicated and you’d say it was pretty healthy despite the furtive nature, it had been that way for everyone’s personal and professional sake. Kendall’s smirk started to slowly slip as he took in your expression. 

“He’s dead.” Kendall spoke softly as you stared into each other’s eyes, he placed his hand on your arm as his face grew more serious. You eyed Kendall trying to find the right words. Sure your father had been part of it but it was a complicated situation with many pieces. 

“I could live with dad icing me out, cutting that relationship. I made peace with what that is a while ago. But-but, it’s when Roman, Shiv, and you. That’s what really hurts.” 

“That’ll be all that Roman says and well Shiv, she’ll only say anything about it behind your back.” 

“So comforting and reassuring.” You dryly said. 

“I’ll send you the invoice for Kendall Roy’s Therapy.” He teased and you both chuckled dryly at that. 

There wasn’t much else to say to that and you knew Kendall wasn’t ready to talk about the bigger problems yet so you gave your brother a tight hug that he quickly reciprocated. You stayed in each other’s arms for a few moments, it was healing and reassuring in a way. 

You then left to sit on a miraculously empty couch as Kendall went off to talk to Roman and Shiv again about company matters you didn’t want to hear about and that they wouldn’t want to discuss in front of you or Connor anyway. As you sat there, Stewy caught your eyes again and this time he finally came over. He sat next to you on the sofa but left a reasonable, person-sized gap between the two of you. 

“Kendall knows, you know.” You quietly state looking at him tiredly, the events of the last 24 hours and your lack of sleep were quickly catching up with you. 

“Well, I’m in private equity not acting baby.” You scoff at that and smile, sinking a little further into the sofa. 

“Perspicuously not in comedy either, babe.” You say with a smile that grows. You tilt your head to look at his expression, his big beautiful eyes are watching you and there’s the cocky smile plastered on his face that you’re in love with. 

“I’ve learnt it’s best to save the wit for the Roys.” He shoots back with a mischievous gleam in his eye. 

Stewy’s here and he’s being cheeky for your sake. You love that about him, his tongue isn’t biting like your siblings but his humour is a way of showing up. 

“Do you want to go on the balcony for a minute?” You questioned. “I want some fresh air.” 

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He leaned his hand over that empty space of safety between you two to squeeze your hand for a second before you got up and he then followed you. 

He leant against the railing and watched you once you were both out on the much more, pleasantly quiet balcony. 

You laid your head against his chest and wrapped your arms around him, listening to his heart calmly beat as he pressed his chin against the top of your head and exhaled. Stewy’s thumb was tracing reassuring patterns on your arm. He hummed softly for a moment and you could feel the vibration of it on the top of your skull. 

You and Stewy both knew this was a sure way to be caught but neither of you cared in this moment and didn’t care about any of the consequences. They were manageable, they felt minor now and realistically they were. This would shift the family dynamic and having furtive hands with your lover always seemed to you to be in the best interests of Stewy’s career and the dramas between him, Kendall and Waystar. 

You were pretty okay with being out in the open with Stewy and he felt the same way. As the relationship went on, he wanted that more and more. His post-coitus conversation was serious and not a post-orgasm thought. 

“You were serious about eloping before Connor’s wedding weren’t you?” 

“Probably poor taste to say it right now but yes baby, dead serious.” 

You laughed at that and he felt it vibrate against him and it made him smile. He just wanted to bring you a bit of comfort and joy on an awful day like today. 

“I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” 

“Are you saying you want to get eloped?” 

“Well, I was thinking of leaking the story to ATN that Stewy Hosseini is so whipped by the Roys that he gets a vasectomy for one and not the one they’d expect.” You teased, laughing a bit more and he laughed as well. 

“Well, as much as I think we could find you something short to wear as an elopement dress, maybe something fun and scandalous like Sharon Tate’s since you like those old flicks. I don’t think we should leave your dad’s wake to go off and elope, might be the cultural upbringing differences but seems a little rude to me.” Stewy teased, you laughed and kissed him on the lips softly for a moment. 

“How does tomorrow sound?” 

“For an elopement?” “Yeah.” 

“Perfect.” 

[wylanzahn]

New-ish post, kinda posting this on different platforms and getting a general vibe check for some ideas I have. But basically this Halloween I want to actually do something for the TTRPG and Actualplay world (oh yeah I’m into those kinds of things). I want to try and get both players, GMs, and casual viewers alike something fun to look forward to this especially spooky season. I’ll probably talk a little more when we get closer to the actual season of scare-giving but just know that if you’re interested I’m still looking for people to join in!!

As my team and I’d first debut we’re going to try and do a two to four session actual play, which will probably be released in the weeks leading up to Halloween. We’ve had a couple good friend way in on the matter of “setting” but now I come to you fine folk. Mind you this is a horror campaign/arc so if…

Isn’t your thing, keep on a moving.

But without further ado here are a couple of the possible settings for our players, and myself, this coming espookee season…

1.) Somewhere off the coast of Florida, 1926 end of the first major housing boom in the state, a small island which calls back to the Spanish Empire, is Isla Boñyela, a small port made tourist location during the boom of disposable wealth in 1920s America. A small group of friends from the northeast tag along down for the perfect paradise vacation. Only to discover the island is much much older than anyone could have ever assumed. Whilst dealing with upstart gangsters, unnerving US soldiers, and the terrified locals they find something older than even undead conquistadors.

While I don’t have a working title, this is an old project in the running which I’ve had a few attempts at revamping over time. Its previous title was “perfect paradise vacation,” and runs on the Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition game. Anywho it’s a blast of fun with Caribbean lore, tone of anti-imperialism, and something dark lurking beneath the waves.

2.) 1950’s America, the nonexistent state of Mid-Atlantia (DMV coded) in a small suburban neighborhood where nothing goes wrong… it’s almost “All-Hallows-Eve” and little Johnny and Susie want nothing more than to trick or treat this year with all the big kids, Dad’s finally getting the big promotion at work, and Mom just got a new waffle iron! Sure everything is neat here in America. Heck you just got new neighbors! Newlyweds in fact from somewhere big and fancy, they sure aren’t like any of us in our simple town. But… and you can’t say exactly why but things are different. Or perhaps they’re all too the same? Everyday a repeat of ever other bland day that followed you over and over and over and over… and you could swear, while no one may listen to you there’s someone out there. Stalking you from outside your own home- or- perhaps, he’s just your friendly new neighbor welcoming you… to the end.

Ahhhhhh! I’ve also been working on this one for a sec and god writing it out does excite me. This is also a Call of Cthulhu game but modified/homebrewed to have a uniquely 1950s horror feel. This is definitely one of the more unique games I’ve written and am truly interested in seeing where it goes (even if we don’t choose it). This is for those who feel like isolation, fear of the unknown, fear from within, and liminal space horror comes best into play! So whadya say neighbor?

3.) The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend, or How I Learned to Love Strahd, okay so this one is a lot less horror-y and falls much more under the comedic spooky category, just so yall know. Deep in the middle of Barovia, the ancient kingdom of Vampires, meets a council of Count Strahd von Zarovich's greatest commanders and lieutenants to hunt down Strahd's greatest enemy Rudolph van Richten and his party of heroes known as "The Grape-Smashers." Strahd's lieutenants have been gifted powers greater than any mere mortals, but are these gifts enough to stop Van Richten, or even enough to stop the personal ambitions of each other? Come find out in "How I Learned to Love Strahd."

Okay, as much as this may seem like a joke suggestion it cracks me up and I feel like it would be ill-advised of me to not at least mention it. In an era where "The Curse of Strahd," is well-overdone at this point, it's worth a take from an all evil "revenge story." Obviously this will be in Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, which, in my opinion, is really hard to use for horror, but this is a nice go-around. Come for the evil PCs, maybe a PvP battle or two, and a game of intrigue in the shadows of Barovia! All that and a buff Van Richten.

4.) Before Annapolis was ever called such it was known as Providence, a settlement of exiled Puritans in the Province of Maryland, but these early days were no easy set-up for the far-flung protestants... in the mid 1600s the English Civil War spilled out into their holdings across the waves as brother turned on brother, clan erasing clan, and something from the shores of the Old World would arrive in the New. When around every corner could be someone you've known your whole life, what's stopping them from hunting you in the depths of winter. All matters made worse when rumors of a witch begins circulating your small home.

Think "The VVitch" (2015) meets "A Field in England" (2013) meets Atun Shei's recent film "The Sudsbury Devil" (2023). It is the unexplored wilderness of early colonial Maryland, but the hateful warmongering that slowly builds that makes the horror and tension so clear. Unsure of what system we'll be using, but maybe the new Regency Cthulhu system.

5.) The Great Baltimore Fire of 1904 destroyed some 140 Acres of Baltimore proper... and in it's rubble awakened something far worse. But you and your fellow survivors are just trying to get by in the aftermath of the fire... only for something to call out, whether some strange magicks or perhaps just a sickness... but sickness doesn't even linger like this... it doesn't call to you...

Some more local history, aspiring from the actual Fire of 1904 things quickly devolve from there as rumors of a cult begin to spread along the streets of Rosland Park... a mysterious illness leaving even more dead... and the death of an eclectic professor. Definitely using the Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition for this one.

Aaaaaaaand that's it! Let me know what y'all think!

[saintsenara]

For sure and fair play, HP was a long project! But yeah, JKR fiercely defending her inconsistencies almost forces us to fiercely point them. Out of spite. I do get that many issues were out of Harry’s radar and understanding, but JKR trying to convince the audience through interviews that the wizarding world doesn’t have the same prejudices as the muggle world just makes me conclude that she must be herself incredibly unaware of the privileges herself and people in her circle possess. Plus the whole HIV parallel that just sounds so misguided and sours the text to me. Yet here I am! Love your blog xx

the lycanthropy-as-aids metaphor is extraordinary in how tone-deaf it is and it pisses me off...

especially because it doesn't make sense at any point in the story. the complete transformation of how house elves think of their enslavement between chamber of secrets [in which dobby mentions whisper-networks of politically-engaged elves decrying their treatment at the hands of wizards] and goblet of fire is really fucking irritating, but it has some slight defence in the narrative shift that the series undergoes after prisoner of azkaban from children's boarding-school literature to something approaching folkloric epic.

[that is, chamber of secrets needs to wrap up with dobby being freed, the malfoys getting their - comparatively benign - comeuppance, and everything being well, because children's stories always end with that everything back to normal vibe, and so the fact that harry has just learned that the wizarding world has institutionalised chattel slavery and been remarkably unbothered by that fact can be shelved by the genre conventions. after prisoner of azkaban, the books end more ambiguously and are more interlinked, as they start moving towards their big conclusion in deathly hallows, and are also darker in tone. and yet she decided to use this shift in tone... to make elves love being enslaved...]

which is to say, perhaps the lycanthropy-as-aids metaphor could be justified as a standalone plot device within prisoner of azkaban - since the reader does hear lupin explain not only the shame and stigma wizarding society's poor understanding of his condition causes, but also how the state's callous discrimination against werewolves impacts his ability to access healthcare, education, and employment - which then doesn't work after the series' narrative shift, when jkr wanted to introduce characters like fenrir greyback...

except it doesn't work even then! because at the end of prisoner of azkaban lupin turns into a rampaging monster who has a desperate, primal urge to eat children - and reveals his condition to be legitimately dangerous to an extent which entirely justifies why parents would feel uneasy about him being employed in a school.

[and - especially - being employed without dumbledore appearing to put any safeguards in place to keep both lupin and his students safe.]

one part of the tragedy of the aids crisis is baseless social stigma at an individual level, absolutely, and lupin - who is a nice [ish] man who doesn't meet the stereotypes wizards appear to have of untransformed werewolves - suffers from this.

but another is the way this stigma drove a state-sanctioned looking-the-other-way and refusing to act while the bodies piled up - something there is no parallel for in the series' worldbuilding around werewolves, not least because it tends to have a positive view of states and their institutions [state corruption is always located in individuals - fudge, umbridge - rather than in the structures which enable them, which are seen as fundamentally sound, for example] which i would imagine most people who know even a cursory amount about the official response to the aids crisis are unlikely to share...

and another is that - since hiv has a very, very long asymptomatic period - it was spreading without anyone knowing it existed for years, if not decades, before it burst into the public consciousness with death on wholesale scale. and then it continued to spread in terror and confusion - for years, you couldn't know if you had it until you started getting sick, and then, when you could access tests [if you could access tests], you were told it was a death sentence, and you would be unable to pinpoint when and by whom you'd been infected, and you would be unable to know how many people you might have infected in turn.

nothing about the series' presentation of lycanthropy corresponds to this.

but, with this said, i think there are two parallels between the conditions which could be interesting in the hands of someone who approached them with care.

the first is to see lupin's role as the series' one "good werewolf" as a mirror to the fact that public opinion became considerably more sympathetic to those living with and dying of hiv/aids when it began to emerge that people [white! "respectable"! heterosexual!] had been infected via blood transfusions and treatments for haemophilia. queer men and intravenous drug users could be dismissed as having brought their infections upon themselves... but not someone [white! "respectable"! heterosexual!] who went into hospital for a routine operation and came out slowly dying.

lupin - the son of a prominent civil servant [with all the class status that entails], bitten as a child through no fault of his own, hogwarts educated, connected to establishment figures like dumbledore - makes a great poster child for a milquetoast "werewolves aren't all bad" campaign which manages not to offend the state's sensibilities by asking it to stop demonising pretty much every other werewolf in history...

the second is to think about the generational divide.

in countries where access to appropriate medication is widespread [and that there are many countries where this isn't the case shouldn't be forgotten], hiv is easily treatable, easily manageable, easily rendered untransmissable, and easily preventable. the quality of life - and the life expectancy - of hiv positive people is now broadly equal to that of their hiv negative peers. the number of aids-related deaths worldwide annually has more than halved since 2010 and, in 2024, it is possible to say that virtually nobody who is newly diagnosed with hiv will go on to develop aids.

this is - sincerely - one of the single greatest achievements in the history of medicine. and it's completely changed how we think and talk about hiv, what it means to be diagnosed with it, what it means to live with it, and what it means to know [and to love, and to fuck] someone who has it.

if we imagine that there are similar advances in the treatment of lycanthropy - with the wolfsbane potion, which seems pretty bare-bones, replaced with something which made the impact of the werewolf's transformation even less severe [or which prevented it altogether] - then being a werewolf in the 2020s would mean something very different than it did in the 1980s.

and if - say - lupin is right, and teddy inherits his condition, thinking about how enormously different his experience being a werewolf might be from his father's [even at a very basic level - not having to turn down invitations based on the moon cycle, for example], and how he would come to understand himself and understand lupin through this different experience, would be a genuinely fascinating premise for a fic.

but not if jkr was writing it.

[spoiled-fawn]

CoD Western AU and Mail Order Spouse Trope

Howdy!

Welcome to my version of a Wild West AU & Mail-Order Spouse Trope. Introduction of the reader scenario will be down below and a little digital art will be added in to show our lovely options of spouses. This is Gender Neutral.

This was my first Au and trope project I’ve worked on. While I learn and decide how I want to upload this, I hope everyone enjoys or just gets a kick out of this!

Introduction & Backstory

Your life wasn’t awful, per se, but sometimes you wonder if you say that to yourself to cope with what you’ve been through. Simply put, you were your family's breadwinner, caretaker, and damage controller. You were poor-ish, where you had to use scraps of fabrics to make your clothes, but yet your father could always afford a bottle to be in his hand, and your mother out on the porch smoking whatever she needed that day to cope and try to be a mom and wife.

Coat of many colors indeed.

You worked, and you have worked from a young age to continuously support your family as you didn't have a choice if you wanted to keep the roof over your head. Although, you were thankful that your mother was adamant you went to the schoolhouse and got at least a good amount of education.

After attending school for a few years until puberty, you were in the working class; your job as a domestic servant included the taste of farmhand, tailoring, and working to cann fruits that were grown on the farm. After a long shift on the warm and humid spring day, you walked back home to hear your father yelling as usual but stopped when you heard your name being spoken.

“As soon as we sell that damn nuisance, we’ll be rolling in dough. I can’t believe that damn bastard politician wants our kin. Said once he’s back from his campaign up north he’ll come meet ‘em.” He laughs before taking another swig of his drink, your mother laughing along with him as she has a lit pipe in the house for the first time in a long time.

Now, you to truly understand the depravity of this; the seriousness of her celebrating with a lit drug inside the house.

Your stomach drops, nausea rolling over you at the thought of them selling you off to the old and decrepit wealthy politician for marriage to get money. Money that they’ll blow through, having never learned to control their vices turned addictions.

A cold sweat breaks out on you as you swallow down the urge to expel the minimal amount of food in your worn-out body, and promptly turn around and walk back into town.

Walking the dark streets, you navigate quietly and hide behind the shadows of the night with only a few dimly lit light posts flickering their oil flame light. While walking the edge of the closed shops, you see a dirty newspaper thrown on the ground and almost step over it until a small headline catches your eye.

“FRONTIER MEN, LOOKING FOR CAPABLE SPOUSE”

Your eyes scan quickly over the matrimony company advertising for men located in the frontier lands, each searching for promising spouses and wanting to marry soon. You read over the information, seeing that the listed men below are located in newly booming towns out west, a few even located in mining towns or having their own company.

Your body zings with a chill of adrenaline at the thought of diving head first into chance and change, but you knew something much better could be awaiting you…

Should you do it?

looking around, the humid and small town looks back at you as you enter a hardened state of mind; What would become if you stayed here? The disgusting politician's new toy just to break? Your parents are already planning on how to drain their funds dry within a month of letting their addictions take over? You don't have friends, your boss is the closest thing to one just because you spend hours each and every day working.

Yeah.

You're gonna fucking do it.

Taking a seat, your eyes quickly scan down the page of advertisements, looking over the small blurbs of descriptions offered. The correspondence cost would be 10 cents, meaning you have one chance to get his attention and get the new life you need.

Simon Riley Biography, Meeting Simon,

John Price Biography, Meeting John

Kyle Garrick Biography, Meeting Kyle

John MacTavish Biography, Meeting Johnny

Phillip Graves Biography, Meeting Phillip

Alejandro Vargas Biography, Meeting Alejandro

[skzhua]

i like coffee better ('your eyes' series)

♡ "This is disgustingly cute."

pairing: kim seungmin x reader.

genre: fluff, barista!AU.

word count: 7,904

warnings: swearing, your typical barista imagine. (proofread-ish)

summary: seungmin has seen you before, but he never bothered talking to you. in fact, he did not care about you. when you came in the coffee shop in distress, he decided to be a good person for once and to make you a caramel macchiato in hopes to help you calm down. surprise: you do not like caramel macchiato, but you do like the young barista.

a/n: we are done with the series after almost 7 months! thank you for your patience and love on this one. i will surely do a similar project in the future since i had so much fun with this one.

SERIES MASTERLIST

"Thank you so much." you smiled at the barista, who only bowed slightly at you.

You grabbed your coffee from him and smiled at yourself. He was cute. You liked to believe you could get along with anyone no matter how different you were from each other. So yeah, the barista was cute, but unapproachable. Over time, you had unconsciously made it your mission to be his friend even though he made the task pretty difficult. Shop crowded or not, he had never paid much attention to you, sadly. However, you weren't the type to give up so easily. His cold façade was only a shell in your opinion.

You didn't have the time to think about this, though. Your friend, Byeol, was waiting for you from outside of the shop, impatience growing.

"Why do you have to take so long to just grab a coffee?" she asked as you began to walk towards the school building.

"I have specific preferences."

"Weirdo." she insulted in a friendly way.

Byeol might be the most careless person you had met in your entire life. First off, you were her only friend from what you could see. Secondly, she was barely listening in class, but still passed with flying colours. Thirdly, she lived alone and had close to no social interaction. It was on the first day of school that you spoke to her for the first time. The teacher had force the students to pair up, so you did so with the girl sitting next to you. Although she wasn't much of a talker, she was a good school partner. So you sticked with her ever since.

Unlike her, you were the perfect example of an ideal student. You would listen to everything in class while taking notes, study for hours, get grades over 90. Within all that, it still surprised you how you managed to be able to have a social life.

Arriving in front of your English class, Byeol whined at the simple fact you had to be there. Linking your arm with hers, you forced her inside and chose two places to sit.

"Be ready for three hours of hell." she complained.

"Come on, it's not that bad."

She shot you a glare. "From 1pm to 4pm, I could be doing other more important things. But no. I'm stuck here."

"With me~" you cooed while putting a hand under your chin to act cutely.

"Babe, I love you, but this class is shitty." she laughed.

When the teacher walked in, she quickly started the lesson. Taking a few sips from your coffee from time to time, your mind went back to the cute barista who had been serving you since you had started going there.

However, being already a few weeks into this school term, the woman in front of the class proceeded to present the main subject of the first big assignment. Unsurprisingly, it was about Shakespeare, which you had studied in previous school years. You put your focus on taking notes, but it didn't take much for you to lose it. Byeol being Byeol, she kept on dropping her pens on the ground as she played with them, bored out of her mind. Shooting her a glare, she smiled with guilt in her eyes and went back to occupying herself. One second later, another one fell off the ground. You ignored her this time, until she did it again and again. This time, you sent her a death stare and she chuckled apologetically. Huffing, you went back to your notes and to listening to the teacher.

"Byeol, would you mind telling us more about Hamlet?" she asked but your friend didn't budge.

You nudged her arm and her head shot straight up.

"Sorry, what?" she said in confusion, which only made you more frustrated with her.

The professor sighed, looking as disappointed as you were, and repeated. "I asked if you could explain the meaning of Hamlet."

The silence she gave was so loud, you were embarrassed for her. In the end, the teacher let go and went on with her lesson. A moment later, she started to explain the assignment. Filling up your notebook with your writing, you wanted to disappear only from seeing how severe her guidelines were.

"If you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out to me. I'll end this class here so you can start preparing your assignment. I'll see you next week."

You put your books in your bag and stood next to Byeol's desk to wait after her. Although you had a pretty good idea of what you would be doing for the project, you couldn't be any more nervous. Tapping your foot on the floor, you impatiently waited for Byeol, who only gave you a look as she pointed to the ground. Following where she was pointed at, you smiled shyly.

"What? I'm stressed."

"You're always stressed." she scoffed as you left the classroom. "It's just a small assignment, nothing to worry about." she shrugged, but you could not believe how unbothered she was being.

"Small? Byeol, this grade counts for 20% of the semester. If I fail this, I'm failing the course. My parents are going to kill me if that happens." you almost yelled out of panic, but she rolled her eyes at you again.

"Says the girl who has perfect marks."

She did have a point. One factor she forgot was how easily stressed you could get, especially for school. Your parents had always been very strict with you when it comes to school and you couldn't imagine how it would be if you were to disappoint them. Hence, you were continually anxious with your grades.

"Okay, fair enough. This time, though, I really have no idea how I'm going to do with this project. She wants us to compare modern adaptations of Old English stories with their original but does she understand how much work this involves?"

You waited for an answer, but none came. Stopping on your tracks, you noticed how she had been ignoring your complaints. This was typical of her. You loved her, but she was always daydreaming somehow.

"Byeol." you snapped her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry. The class was so boring, it tired me." she smiled weakly.

You sent her a glare, annoyed at her behaviour. The both of you started to bicker while walking towards the bus stop. You could walk to your dorm, but you weren't a fan of walking in the cold unlike some others. After your tiny arguing was over, your bus stopped in front of you.

"I'm going to study at the coffee shop tomorrow, you're coming?" you asked but she shook her head no. "Alright, I'll see you next week, then. Have fun alone, tonight?" you teased her.

"Thank you, Y/N." she laughed as you finally went inside the bus.

It was barely a five minutes ride until you got home. Tired, you didn't even bother removing your coat when you plopped yourself down at your desk. Your flatmate, Eunhee, observed you curiously from her own desk, taken aback from your lack of energy. The girl kept to herself mostly, though she had started to open up more recently. She wasn't as much of an introvert as Byeol was, but still not as social as you.

"Long day?" she asked.

"Yeah." you groaned. "I've never hated school so much."

She hummed as she kept reading her schoolbook. "I have only six courses and I feel like it's too much."

"Tell me about it."

But you were going to make it. You knew you would, because you always managed just fine. Everything was going to go smoothly.

The only thing going smoothly was how quiet the coffee shop was for being 7 in the morning. Other than that, you were pure chaos as you had been staring at the project instructions blankly, lost about how you should start.

"Latte for Y/N?" the worker called from the counter, shifting your attention from your laptop.

You stood up and got your drink, thanking him, before walking back to your spot. You started to type some ideas, but it was still very blurry in your mind. You checked the instructions once again, and realized none if your ideas would be working. So you started over.

It had been a few hours since you had started, and you were getting hungry. You walked up to the cash register to wait in line. A muffin sounded tasty, but they had just freshly made new sandwiches. You opted to order both.

"Next." the worker said in a lazy voice.

"Hey! I'd like a ham sandwich with a carrot muffin, please!" you asked kindly, but the man raised an eyebrow at you.

"You're still here?"

"Pardon me?

The question took you by surprise. You had been, in fact, in the café for hours already. You didn't expect the workers to notice your elongated presence, even less this cute barista.

"No, because you've been sitting in front of your computer since we opened. I'm just wondering why you're still here."

Maybe he was concerned, but it came off rather direct. Almost as if he was annoyed about you studying at his workplace.

And Seungmin was, in fact, annoyed. He's not stupid, he's noticed how often you would come to his job location. So much that he had started to ask Felix to cover his shifts when he knew you had a break. Because it was to the extent he knew your schedule; you were always there. Usually, he wouldn't mind. However, you were one of a kind to say the least. You had tried to befriend him on many occasions. Seungmin strongly believed work wasn't a place to be making friends and that, instead, he should be focusing on executing his tasks and on the pay he would get in the end.

"Excuse me, but I like studying here. I have an important work to do." you informed politely, though you were quite offended by his comment.

"Sure." He focused back on the cash register, entering your order. "That would be $8.92. Credit again?"

You didn't bother confirming because you knew he already knew. You paid and stepped aside to wait for your food. In no time, he gave you the bag without addressing another word to you as he went back to the cash, taking the next client's command. Though he wasn't so different from other days, you felt like he was particularly good at getting to you this time. It might have been because of stress, but it still hurt.

Sitting back down at your spot, you stared blankly at your messy brainstorming as you chewed in your sandwich. You didn't even realize you were doing so until you finished your food, the muffin included.

Your eyes left the screen and you found Seungmin out of his work attire as he held onto his school bag. Raising an eyebrow at him, you waited for him to talk. Seeing that he wasn't going to do so himself, you started to talk.

"Can I help you with something?" you asked kindly.

"Why are you so... cheery all the time?"

You tried to muster up an answer but his question took you too much by surprise. As he noticed you weren't able to answer, he sighed.

"Forget it, that was stupid to ask. Good luck with your homework."

As you watched him leave, you found yourself smiling. He was literally the cutest guy you met and he had finally said something kind of friendly to you. Improvement, no?

Your leg jumping up and down, your teeth biting into your lower lip as you chewed the skin around your nail simultaneously, you were on the verge of giving up. This school work was eating your from the inside and everything you had done so far seemed like a waste of time.

"Still here?"

Your eyes left the screen and you found Seungmin out of his work uniform, a bag slumped on his shoulder. It was the third time you went to the shop in only a week, and funny enough, it was the third time Seungmin had finished work not even ten minutes after you settled at your usual table.

"Still surprised to see me?" you replied unexpectedly rudely.

Seungmin was taken aback. Usually, you would simply answer softly with a quick explanation and he would leave you with a shrug. This time, however, you seemed to be more on edge.

"What?"

You rolled your eyes. "You always tell me the same thing every time, I'm starting to wonder why it's such a big deal that I study here." Seungmin wanted to say something back, but you were quicker. "I mean, I'm surely not the only one who comes here to do their homework."

Mouth slightly agape, he didn't know what to say. With a satisfied nod, you went back to typing even if you were writing nothing really. He sighed heavily and left the shop and you saw Felix take over his shift. He walked up to you with a smile.

"Hey, Y/N!" he beamed at you.

"Hey." you responded carelessly.

He frowned. "Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm just struggling a bit with this thing."

He leaned closer to see your screen. Slowly a crease appeared between his eyebrows in concentration as he read your project outline.

"Looks fun."

You grunted. "Real fun."

"Didn't Byeol do the same project?"

Your eyes widened. "Don't tell me that bitch finished before me? I thought she hated this class."

Felix shrugged. "Maybe she wanted to get rid of it as soon as she could. Good luck, anyway. If you need me, I'll be at the cash."

You waved him bye and sighed heavily as you read again your outline. In all honesty, you wanted to cry. You removed an entire paragraph plan and started to type something else. When you determined you had put something decent, you read yourself again and you found it to be no better than the last idea. With a loud groan, you let your head fall into your arms as you slumped on the table. Tears were pricking your eyes but you were determined to not let anyone see it. Still, it wasn't that easy to contain your quiet sobs.

"Here." you heard someone say as you felt the chair in front of you being pulled for them to sit.

You rose your head up and were more than stunned to see Seungmin extending a beverage to you. This was such a small gesture but the built up stress you'd been under made it seem like the greatest thing anyone could do for you. In an instant, you let more tears flood on your cheeks. It was Seungmin's turn to be surprised. Not knowing how to deal with you, he put the drink in front of you and gave you an awkward smile as an attempt to cheer you up.

"Can I do something else? Do you want a muffin like the other day?"

Great, this only made you cry more. In a rush, he went to Felix to ask him to get you tissues. He came back to you with a Kleenex box that you accepted gladly. After blowing your nose a few times and wiping off your tears. You finally breathed normally.

"I'm so sorry." you started as Seungmin straightened his posture as to tell you he was listening. "I've been under a lot of pressure with this paper and I have to submit it next week. I have no idea how I'm going to manage and... I'm sorry, I'm rambling on."

Seungmin chuckled. You thought you were dreaming. You heard the man chuckle.

"I get it. I have my own load of school work these days and it's a lot."

You nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it sucks."

He pointed to the cup in front of you. "I got you this, it might help."

"Thank you." you smiled kindly before taking a sip. As the beverage came in contact with your tasting buds, you weren't able to hide your face of disgust. "What is this?"

"Caramel macchiato."

"A coffee would have been just fine." you said as the weird taste was still in the back of your mouth.

He rolled his eyes. "As if I was supposed to guess you don't like it. Fine, I'll get you a muffin then."

Before you could protest, he was already up and walked behind the counter to steal one of the carrot muffins. Too stunned to speak, you just stared at him when he walked back to your table with the baked good.

"This, I know you like." he sighed as he switched it with your drink.

Carelessly, he took a sip from your cup. In your head, so many things were happening at the same time. One thing in particular stuck; what the hell happened to him to be so kind to you?

"I'm sorry but why are you doing this?" you questioned.

He perked an eyebrow in confusion. "To make you feel better... I thought it was obvious."

"It is but why?"

He wasn't sure exactly what was your question but he tried his best to answer. "I mean, you've been on the verge of crying so I thought you might need some distraction."

"Yes and thank you but I'm a little bit confused. I thought you didn't like me."

You did get him there. He didn't like you, indeed, but seeing you all panicked and helpless did something to him. He couldn't say what it was but there was a feeling within him of needing to help you relax. Perhaps it was simply because he was raised to be kind to those in need.

"I don't despise you. You're annoying as shit, sure, but I'm human too. I can see when someone is not well."

Finally, a smile formed itself on your face. After all of your efforts, he finally confirmed to you that he had the capability of being nice. You almost wanted to believe he did this for a purpose other than simply helping out someone. For exemple, because he actually did like you. However, you were not delusional to this extent.

"Well, I appreciate it a lot. Thank you, Seungmin."

"Sure, you're welcome." he said nonchalantly and took another sip of the caramel macchiato.

"It tastes nasty."

He huffed. "Well, you have no taste."

An insult, but you saw it more like teasing this time. Maybe this was his way to bond. Anyway, you were not going to complain. You got free food and it was more than necessary for you to like him. (As if you didn't already.)

"What is your major?"

He blinked slowly, surprised by your interest. "Biology."

You hummed. "Do you like it?"

He shook it head. "It's not that bad but I'm only in this field to get more opportunities. Maybe I'll change it but I don't know."

You nodded and then waited for him to ask you the same. It never came and Seungmin was still sipping on his drink while staring in the void, deep in thoughts.

"Well, I'm an English major. I'm considering teaching in kindergarten."

He didn't seem impressed. "Fun."

"I used to babysit my little cousins a lot before college." He hummed. "I think this is what made me what to go with teacher as a career."

"I wanted to do something nice to calm you down, not for you to tell me your whole life story." he deadpanned. "Sorry, I don't want to be rude but I'm not really in the mood."

You pursed your lips in an 'o' shape while nodding and you focused your eyes back on your laptop. The two of you stayed like this for a while in silence. You had done close to none advancement in your work but at least you had completed your outline. This was a start.

"I'll be going." Seungmin said and got up on his feet.

You saw that his cup was now empty so it only made sense he would leave then. Nonetheless, you were quite disappointed.

"See you around?"

He pondered for a moment. "We'll see."

There was only the conclusion left for your paper. The rest was completed in the last weeks you went to study at the coffee shop. Seungmin had seemingly stopped avoiding you much to your joy. Unlike what you would have expected, he continued to treat you some snacks once in a while as a way to encourage you with your work. It was always when he was done with his shifts and he'd bring you an ice americano with some words of support such as "looks like you did some good work", "keep up, it's almost done" or "don't stay here too late". At that point, you weren't even coming to the café to focus on your project. You only wanted to see him, consciously or not.

But when you realized so, you called Byeol in panic. Asking her if it was okay for you to stop by at her place on a normal Thursday morning, you stormed in without knocking. Making laps around her living room as she sat on her sofa while reading her notes for her next class peacefully, you were far from being relaxed.

"And then he gives me yet another muffin with sweet words only to greet me coldly again the day after. It's as if he has come around with the idea of me being at the shop all the time but being annoyed at the same time. And Byeol, when I tell you his smile is the cutest shit I've seen, I'm not kidding. And with the project ending, what is going to be my excuse to see him? He's still so distant when I bring up any topic other than honework."

She nodded nonchalantly, visibly spacing out. "Calm down, I'm sure it's not a big deal."

"The deadline is tomorrow, how can you ask me to calm down?"

She only sighed before turning her book's page. "I did it under four hours of work and you know I'm much slower than you. You'll be fine."

You scoffed in disbelief. "You don't get it. I'm not stressed about the work. I'm stressed Seungmin will stop giving me coffee each time he sees me in the shop."

In a quick move, she closed her book and stared at you in confusion. "You know Seungmin?"

Your eyes grew bigger. "YOU know Seungmin? And were you even listening to what I've been telling you for the past 20 minutes?"

Luck wasn't on your side as someone knocked on her door. She left to answer while you continued to groan by yourself. You debated whether you should ask him out or not. You did like him a lot but there were times you only wanted to shove him into a hole for being such an cold-heated ass.

Byeol came back with her mail and you took one of her pamphlets while she read another. Might as well try to distract yourself with boring school news. One thing did catch your attention. You held out the paper to your friend.

"You might want to read this one."

Snatching it from your hands, her eyes went over the paper and she whined. "Fuck this shit." Then another knock came from her door. "What now?"

Seeing that she was clearly not in the mood of facing someone else, you opened the door for her and you were surprised to see Hwang Hyunjin in front of you. From all you knew, Byeol had little to no friends other than you. You sent her a knowing look that she didn't even see unfortunately.

"Hyunjin? What brings you here?" she exclaimed as soon as she saw him.

"Ah, um... I thought we... I don't... I.... Didn't we agree on going to school together now since we have classes at the same time on Thursdays?"

Her eyes widened and you almost wanted to laugh at the two for being such a mess together. "Shoot, right, I'm sorry." she breathed out.

Seeing this as your cue, you grabbed your bag and put your hand on Byeol's shoulder. "I'll be off, then. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

You took off to leave the lovebirds alone and almost ran to the coffee shop. You were almost certain that Seungmin was working. So needless to say you only felt disappointment when you saw Felix smiling at the customers as he took their orders. Still, you needed to get your project done before the end of the day. You sat at your usual spot and opened your laptop before typing rapidly on the keyboard. Having only a couple of details to add, you were done only an hour or so later.

"I can't say you didn't work your ass off on this." Felix said in amazement.

Seeing he had taken off his apron and had his school bag with him, you assumed he had just finished his shift.

"I might have put more time into it than needed, but at least I know I'll submit something good."

"Yeah, at least." he chuckled. "By the way, Seungmin took the day off today if you were wondering."

"I wasn't." you dismissed his saying but he gave you a look. "What?"

"Nothing." he shook his head is despair. "See you around, Y/N!"

You were then left alone with only have the submission of your work left to do. Not having eaten your breakfast and with your tummy grumbling, you hopped up from your chair to walk towards the counter. Only then, you almost crashed into another student who you didn't see coming your way. Halting your moves, you now recognized the familiar features you grew to both love and hate with time.

"Kim Seungmin, be careful!" you exclaimed, slapping his chest. "You almost caused me a heart attack."

He only laughed as an answer. "I'm sorry but I didn't expect you to get up the moment I was about to join you."

With that being said, he sat at your table causing you to do the same besides the fact you were about to leave. Opening his school bag, he pulled out his own notebooks and started to scribble.

"What are you doing?"

He perked an eyebrow at you. "Studying... Isn't it obvious?"

"Yeah, but why here?" you asked while showing the entire place being half full.

"You're the only person I like to bother." he shrugged and went back to writing. "By the way," he said without looking up. "I asked Felix to save you a muffin and to make you an iced coffee but I guess he forgot."

You were too dumbfounded to for a proper response and by the lack of it, he finally looked at you before throwing money your way. You stared at it, still not moving. What the hell was he doing now?

"It's on me, go get something." he rushed you.

Almost afraid of him, you took the bills and walked up to the cash. You came back minutes later and gave him the change. Still not looking up from his things, he dismissed you and mumbled for you to keep it.

"Thank you."

"It's my fault you didn't get your snack, it's nothing." Finally looking up, he frowned upon seeing a cup in front of him. "Y/N, what is this?"

"I thought you might want something too." you answered before drinking your coffee. "I don't know what you like other than that, so you've got a caramel macchiato."

"Thanks, but it was for you to buy yourself something, not me."

"And I got my stuff, sorry for being kind." you rolled your eyes. "What are you so pressed about? It's just coffee and a muffin."

"Who's been getting you that for the past weeks?"

"I didn't ask you to."

"You still appreciate it."

You were growing annoyed. "Yeah, but what game are you playing? I'm not your girlfriend or even your friend. Have that courtesy reserved for someone like that."

He glared at you. "I don't have many friends or even a girlfriend. Can't you simply thank me and let it go?"

You scoffed. "Fine, my bad. Thank you." you snapped at him.

"You're welcome but enjoy your muffin and let me study."

You groaned but he ignored you as he continued to work on his things. You tried to get your mind off this stupid argument by finally submitting your project online and then started to pack your things in your back. Seungmin, visibly surprised, put his hand on your laptop to stop you.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, I'm done with my project."

You thought you caught a glimpse of disappointment in his eyes but you blamed it on the sun that was hitting his face in the perfect angle. Damn him and his perfect visuals.

"I thought it was due next Friday."

"Tomorrow is Friday, genius." you laughed.

You nodded your head in his way before walking out. Taking a breath of fresh air, you had a weird feeling forming inside of you. You opted to walk to the campus instead of taking the bus since it might help with making it disappear. However, someone shouting your name loudly only tightened this strange feeling.

"Can I walk you to your classroom?"

"Okay, Seungmin. Don't take it personal, but what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

Little did you know there was actually nothing wrong with him other than he realized he might had taken too much of a liking to you. After Felix convinced him to stop switching shifts for the sake of his spot as dance captain in the dancing club, he had to familiarize himself with the thought of having you around all the time. He didn't know why but your friendly behaviour you had been keeping up ever since he met you only got on his nerves.

But when he saw you almost on the verge of a burnout that day, something in him switched. Hence, he thought giving you free food would be his way to show that he cares in a subtle way. Only recently did he realize he liked you. And all of the bad and rude jokes were nothing than just some friendly teasing. But you couldn't know that.

"What do you mean?"

You grunted again. "You're acting all... nice. Well, more than usual today."

"Is it that hard for you to think I'm genuinely friendly?"

"Honestly, yeah. I'm weirded out a little."

He didn't respond this time and he took your hand in a quick manner before walking towards the school, still having the caramel macchiato you got for him in his other hand. You would have tried to break away only if he didn't have this much effect on you. The knot you had inside your tummy transformed into butterflies. You almost couldn't believe that he was being this bold with you.

"What time is your class ending?" he asked after he arrived in front of your classroom.

"At 3."

He smiled widely at you, rubbing the top of your head. "I'll come see you then."

You had no time to process what he said as he left. In all honesty, you had no idea what happened and debated on whether you wanted to wake up from this dream or for it to be reality. The voice of your teacher rushing the students to get seated at their desks was what it took for you to understand that this was all real, just really confusing.

Weeks passed by and Seungmin continued to walk you to your classes and get you afterwards only to hang out. You still went to the café often so nothing changed much in the end. You were grateful for him being so sweet but you remained doubtful of his motives. First off, the shift in his attitude was progressive but fast so you couldn't comprehend what caused it. And then, he'd be acting like a child around you at times that you were wondering if it was the same man you met before.

"I have a good idea." Seungmin declared as he dropped his books in front of you.

Startled, you jumped a little from his sudden appearance and glanced around the library to make sure he didn't bother another student. "And what is this good idea of yours?"

"The end of the semester is coming up soon, no?" You nodded. "And I think meeting up at the café or the library has become a bit dull."

"What is your point?"

"I've been wondering what kind of date would be nice and I asked Jeongin to help me with this-"

You held your hand up to stop him. "Woah, there. A date?"

"Yeah." he nodded happily while you stared at him in shock.

"Seungmin, we're friends, right?"

He shrugged. "I thought you liked me. Was I wrong?" You hesitated to say something causing him to roll his eyes. "Okay, so the nice tipping and the cute not-so subtle glances from last semester were nothing?"

Your eyes widened. You did, in fact, try to catch his attention by doing those small things but you didn't expect anything to come out from it since he was being so indifferent. But ever since you got closer, you had suppressed your feelings to avoid things to be weird with him.

"Maybe you weren't wrong." you admitted in a whisper.

He grinned. "Knew it. Alright, I'll do this more properly then."

"Do what?"

Instead of answering, he took your hand and looked deeply into your eyes. You felt intimidated to say to least.

"Y/N, will you go on a study date with me?"

Your eyes grew even wider. "What?"

"You heard me."

You broke you hand away from his grasp and gathered your things quickly. Giving him a quick apology, you ran off.

It was certainly not because you didn't want to. This was too unexpected. And right before the final exams? He chose his timing well...

Catching up to you in the hallway, he put his hand on your shoulders to stop you. "I'm sorry if this is too straightforward but can I at least get an answer?"

You still couldn't form words other than something that sounded like "Uh?"

"Look, I already got something prepared for you. Can you come see it? If you don't want to stay by then, you're free to leave."

Reluctantly, you nodded which earned you a smile from him and he took your hand. Walking away from the school grounds, you were starting to feel uneasy. Where the hell was he taking you to? The further you were going, the less familiar your surroundings were. Eventually, Seungmin attempted to appease your worries by making a couple of jokes here and there. Before you knew it, you had stopped watching around as you let yourself being guided by him.

"I rarely see Jeongin like this but he is obsessed with this girl." he chuckled as you seemed to approach a family house.

"Where are we?" you asked as you stopped on your tracks, growing doubtful.

"Changbin's place."

"Doesn't he live on campus?"

"His parents' place, then. They are gone for the week and Changbin let me use his backyard."

Before you could question him again, he headed towards the fence door that let to the back. You followed behind and he stepped aside to let you walk first. Needless to say, the setup caught you off guard. A coffee table was displaying books and mugs as well as a coffee maker.

Seungmin excitedly walked towards the spot while gesturing for you to sit with him. You complied in silence, unsure on what to say.

"You know that book you need for your literature course?" he said and you hummed. "I know you've been struggling to get a hold of it so I asked Chan to use his model student status to find it."

You looked closer to the book laying on top of the pile. Indeed, it was the one your professor had been telling you to get since the beginning of the semester. With you being the person you are, you thought you would be able to buy it later on since you only needed it for the finals. Lucky enough for you, it was now out of stock and you had begged Byeol to give you hers once she was done. Only this girl was taking forever to finish it which only fed your anxiety.

"Using your friends for me? Man, you must like me a lot for you to do." you chuckled.

"Right."

"This is disgustingly cute..." your murmured, loud enough for him to hear.

His face grew red before he hurried you to start reading. As you began to do so, he served you a cup of coffee as well as one for himself and went on to do his own stuff. It was pure silence but you could hear your heart beating so loud. You glanced at him a couple of times just to make sure he wasn't hearing it.

And Seungmin was doing everything he could to focus on his book. However, your presence made his hands sweaty and he was struggling to prevent himself from looking at you.

Minutes went by, hours went by. And he looked.

And you were looking back.

Panic mode went on in your brain and you squirmed on your seat to find a better position. You attempted to go on with your reading but you just couldn't.

"Y/N." he called out.

You were almost glad he spoke first, diffusing the tension already. And the smile he gave you before sticking out his tongue made you laugh more than it should have. You were about to read again but he made you another face, one so ridiculous that you shook your head while chuckling.

Seungmin felt a rush of confidence all of the sudden. If he had managed to make you laugh, then he definitely succeeded in making this a perfect date. Maybe it was time to test how much he can joke around with you.

"Look at this."

Your gaze moved to the picture he was pointing at in his own book. You weren't sure why he would want to show you a picture of a squirrel, you frowned.

"It looks like you."

You scoffed. "Yeah right."

"No, it does! It's fluffy and you look soft. Squirrels eat a lot, you do too-" he went on to explain but the glare he received shut him up for a second. "And they're cute... just like you."

You didn't know how to react, you were certainly not used to receive this kind of attention, especially from Seungmin. Your lack of response kind of made freak him out, though. Sure, he grew confident but the worst thing after a rejection is no answer at all. Nervously, he took a sip of his drink and resumed to his reading.

"Thank you." you ended up saying. "And thanks for the whole... thing?"

"Date." he corrected.

"Right. Thank you for the date."

And, so, one date turned into two, two dates became three, three became four, and so on. In the span of three weeks, the two of you had almost become inseparable. Remaining his unserious self, Seungmin still showed you in many ways that he cared a lot. The way he would pull the chair for you to sit, order your muffin at the café, prepare your orders in advance as he knew you'd be coming. He checked up on you every morning and night, making sure you either slept well or had a good day. He walked you to almost all of your classes and sometimes even waited outside of the room until you were done.

Although you had never asked the other, it was evident you were a couple. Still, there had been nothing more than holding hands. And even that remained something you were not quite familiar with yet.

"Hey."

You jumped slightly from the contact with your hand while Seungmin was smiling happily. Rubbing your skin softly with his thumb, he looked at you with affection.

"Oh, hi."

"Hi."

"Hi." you chuckled at how ridiculous you two were being.

"So... What's the plan for today?"

Dates were usually planned by Seungmin but you had insisted on your last one that you wanted to surprise him for once. Meeting up at the park near school was the only thing you told him so far.

"I recall that you mentioned liking singing, am I wrong?"

He gave you a look. "What about it?"

"I don't know music much nor do I know what you like. However, I might have arranged something even better."

You tightened your grasp on his hand and headed out of the park. Seungmin let you lead but was quite lost. You were always full of surprises but this one worried him just a bit.

You had been walking for quite a bit. Even if Seungmin was bugging you every ten minutes to ask you where you were going, it didn't stop you from joking around and laugh.

"Seriously, where are we going?" he said, finally having enough of it.

Your smirked. "Karaoke?"

His already serious look turned darker as he glared down at you. "No."

You pouted. "Why not?"

"It's embarrassing."

"I'm sure you're a great singer."

"It's just a small hobby." he shrugged before starting to walk back to where you came from.

With a huff, you grabbed his arm and tried to keep him from running away. You tugged a couple of times but he was much stronger than you and not moving the slightest.

"Seungmin!" you whined as you stopped trying.

Rolling his eyes, he turned to face you. "What do I get in return?"

"My care and admiration?"

He let out a laugh. "I already have it."

"What do you want then?" you groaned.

He looked up as he thought for a second. "A kiss?"

A... a kiss? You opened your mouth but no sound came out. It was evident it would happen one way or another. However, your mind seemed to have shut this idea out. Was it because you were scared? Maybe.

"Hey." Seungmin said as he took your hand. "If you are not ready, I won't push it. I said it as a joke."

You watched his other hand move to your cheek and you felt your breath cut short. You swore you could feel your heartbeat fasten.

"Shall we go?"

You blinked once and twice, and smiled. "Yeah, let's go."

While Seungmin offered to pay, you insisted that it was on you. It was your idea after all and you absolutely didn't mind spending money if it meant you finally would hear Seungmin sing.

When you got into the room, you sprinted to sit on the couch while grabbing the tablet on the table. Seungmin watched you with adoration before joining you. There was something so darned adorable about you scrolling through the songs as your eyes shined. He could see them lit up every time you'd see a song that caught your attention.

"I'll start, and then your turn?" you said as you showed him the song you picked.

"Impress me."

With a grin, you started the music and stood up to pick one of the microphones. As the melody began, you swayed your body side to side to match with the beat. As the lyrics came up on the screen, you lost no time in giving your all. Your vocals were not good per say but they weren't horrible. In fact, Seungmin liked your voice quite a lot. There was a hint of passion in it that was mixed with simple fun. He loved how it looked as if there was no one watching you. You were glowing.

"Done!" you said happily and clapped for yourself. "Your turn."

"Do I get a kiss in the end?" he wiggled his eyebrow only to receive a smack from you. "Ouch! Sorry..."

He scrolled through the songs and it seemed to have taken him hours before he settled to one. The soft music surprised you, you would've bet he was the pop music kind of guy.

You could see he was nervous, that was obvious. The way he fiddled with the mic, how he kept on looking at you, how he bit his lower lip in hesitation. But still, he brought the microphone to his mouth and he sang. It was simply beautiful, you found no better words to describe it. You didn't know a voice could soothe your ears so much, it felt as if they had never heard anything before. You were just speechless.

You almost cried when you realized it was the end of the song, not wanting this moment to end. When Seungmin set the mic down on the table, you jumped up and squeezed him in a tight hug. He held you back automatically while you were attempting at your best to compliment him.

"Why are you hiding this talent? Since when do you- why don't you sing more? This was so pretty! Can you make a career out of this?"

"Woah, calm down." he laughed while hrabbing both of your shoulders. "Thank you but it really is just a hobby."

"Then I'm the only one who gets to hears this, I'm gate keeping you all to myself." you affirmed.

"You're cute."

He laid a kiss on top of your head and you frosmze in place. Slowly, you dared to look up at him and he was much closer than you originally thought. You could smell his minty breath mixed with the cologne he must have put on beforehand.

"And you're very pretty." he added in a quieter voice.

Your eyes moved to his lips and there was no denying he wanted to lean in closer. You wanted to. You ignored the overwhelming of butterflies in your stomach and stood higher on your tippy toes. Results; your lips touched. It barely lasted a second as you pulled away quickly, almost ashamed of what you had just done.

Seungmin didn't waste any time to grab the back of your neck and pull you right back into a kiss. This time, it was long enough so you could feel how his lips felt so perfect on yours. It was better than you imagined.

As you pulled back, you couldn't help but shed a tear, worrying quickly your lover.

"What's wrong?"

You shook your head. "Nothing. It's just, I think I'm in love with you."

His mouth broke into a smile. "I think I'm in love with you too. Why are you crying, though?"

"I don't know, I'm happy?"

"You don't seem too sure."

Your lips turned into a pout, making him chuckle. "Stop, you meanie..."

He couldn't take you seriously, you were too cute like this. Pecking the top of your nose, he brought you closer to his body.

Whilst his cold façade was always something that intrigued you, what you wondered more was why was his body so warm next to yours? And how on Earth did you manage to actually get with him?

Whatever it was, you could definitely say coffee wasn't your addiction anymore. It was him now.

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[valentoru]

|| Limitless ||

[CHAPTER 10]

SYNOPSIS: Gojo Satoru, a big time artist, who’s known for leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he goes. And you, the lead guitarist of an upcoming band, who’s absolutely certain that no one will ever love you. Through an accident in which you happened to kiss Gojo in a frantic state, you both decide, via convenience alone—and zero regard for both of your managers—to pull a fake dating stunt what could go wrong? Any press is good press…right?

PREVIOUS : MASTERLIST : NEXT

You arrived to the second fake dating Thursday late again. But for different reasons this time—all Suguru Geto related.

You had overslept because you had stayed up till some unbelievable hour in the morning practicing the pitch with the group and rehearsing how you were going to sell the project to Suguru Geto. You only stopped when Megumi threw a tangerine at you to tell you to shut up since you were keeping him up from sleep. You ended up moving to your room and carrying on for at least another two hours.

Then if you weren’t already late enough, you had realised that your normal outfit (an oversized shirt, a pair of pants which passed the sniff test and your hair being messy) was probably not the best outfit to showcase your professionalism and sell you as a “future colleague” so you decided to change into more business attire. Dress for success and all that.

You burst through the door whispering the words to yourself over and over and then you noticed Satoru.

It was an okay-ish day for the time of year. You glanced at him, and immediately you knew he was in the nastiest of moods. That rumour of him throwing pens and pencils around his office because a deal was unsuccessful, or because one of his employees messed something up or something equally inconsequential had happened came to mind. You felt the need to duck.

It’s okay. You told yourself. This was worth it. It was all worth it. Things Maki and Yuta were starting to work out, really well. Better than even anticipated actually. They were almost officially dating, they had shown up to your most recent group outing together. You were hopefully going to convince Geto without messing things up, and in the right attire since you had made the last minute decision to change. In addition, you were gaining a free drink out of all this. You just had to look on the bright side. Even if it meant looking past this pitch-black mood of Satoru Gojo’s, it would be worth it.

“Hi.” You beamed. He looked at you, squinting as if you were too bright, with a look of angst and hatred painted on his face. “How are you?”

“Fine.” His tone was clipped, his expression unchanging, as usual. He was waring his usual attire. You couldn’t help but notice his muscles wondering if his clothes had been custom made. You had also taken note that his hair had gone ever so slightly shorter in length. It felt surreal to you that you were at the point that you were taking note and keeping track of Satoru Gojo’s hair and his moods.

“Ready to get coffee?” You chirped.

He nodded dismissively. Barely even looking at you. On a table inside one of your executors was glancing back and fourth pretending to clean the monitor of her laptop.

“Sorry I was late again. I just—”

“It’s fine.”

“How was your week?”

“Fine.”

Wow, okay. “Um…did you do anything at weekend?”

“I worked.”

You got into line and fought off your sigh. “Weathers been nice, huh?” God, you’d made it to awkward conversation fillers.

He grunted in response

It was starting to be too much. There was a limit to what you would do for this fake dating relationship—even for a free coffee. You sighed. “Is it because of the hair cut?”

“What?” He looked shocked.

“Is the mood because of the haircut?”

“What mood?”

You gestured to him. “This. This bad mood you’re in.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not in a bad mood.”

You snorted—thought that was probably not the right term for the noise you’d just made. It was too loud and derisive, more like a laugh.

A snaugh.

“What?” He frowned, unappreciative of your snaugh.

“Come on. You ooze moodiness.”

“I do not.” He sounded almost offended you’d even said that about him.

“You so do. But it’s fine, you’re allowed to be in a bad mood.”

It was your turn so you took a step forward and smiled at the barista.

“Morning. Can I have a pumpkin spice latte and that cream cheese danish over there. Yep, that one thank you. And”—You pointed at Satoru with your thumb—“he’ll have a chamomile tea. No sugar.” You added cheerfully taking a few small steps to the side to avoid damage in case Satoru decided to dart a pen at you. You were surprised when he calmly handed his card to the barista. Really, he wasn’t as bad as they made him out to be.

“I hate tea.” He said. “And chamomile.”

You beamed up at him. “That is truly unfortunate.”

“You smart-ass.”

He stared straight ahead, but you were almost certain that he was about to crack a smile. There was a lot to be said about him but not that he didn’t have a sense of humour.

“So…not the haircut?”

“Mm? Ah, no. It was a weird length. Getting in my way while I was running.”

Oh. So he was a runner. Like you. “Okay. Great. Because it doesn’t look bad.”

It looks good. As in really good. You are probably the most handsome man I’d ever talked to in the last week, but now you look even better. Not that I care about these things. I don’t care at all. I rarely even notice you, and I’m not sure why I’m noticing you, or your hair, or your clothes, or how tall you are. I really don’t get it. I never care. Usually. Ugh.

“I…” he seemed flustered for a second, his lips moving without making a sound as he looked for an appropriate response. Then, out of the blue, he said, “I talked with the CEO this morning. He’s still refusing to discuss a new contract.”

“Oh.” You cocked your head. “I thought they weren’t due until the end of September.”

“They aren’t. This was an informal meeting, but the topic came up. He said he’s still monitoring the situation.”

“I see.” You waited for him to continue. When it became clear that he wouldn’t, you asked, “Monitoring…how?”

“Unclear.” He was clenching his jaw.

“I’m sorry.” You felt for him. You really did. If there was something you could empathise with, it was contracts and how awkward they can be and how awkward companies can be about them. “Doesn’t that mean you can’t continue your career?”

“I have other plans it’s just awkward.”

“So…the problem is that you can’t remain here?”

“I can. But my contact would change and I like how it is now and I would like it to roll over and be the exact same on my next contract.”

Uh? “I see.” You cleared your throat. “So…let me recap. It sounds like they might terminate your contract based on rumours, which I agree is a crappy move. But it also sounds like now you can go bigger and get even greater deals with better companies, so…it’s not the end of the world?”

Satoru gave you an affronted glare, suddenly looking even more cross.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry I just don’t see how you’re truly missing out, i mean—” you were cut short when the barista handed you your danish.

You took a bite out of it—fuck it was nice—you watched his face, how it contorts, while you were chewing. He was watching the barista.

“Look okay, my point is, it’s not an insurmountable problem. Besides we’re working though it together, showing people that you’re going to stay here forever because of your amazing girlfriend.”

You pointed at yourself. His glare followed your hand, clearly he was not a fan of rationalising or working through his problems.

“Or you can stay mad, we can go to your office and throw pens at each other till the pain of being pelleted overrides your shitty mood? Sounds like fun, no?”

He looked away, rolling his eyes. You could see it in the curve of his cheeks that he was amused. Likely against his will. “You are such a smart-ass.”

“Maybe but I’m not the one who grunted when I asked how your week was.”

“I did not grunt. And you ordered me chamomile tea.”

You smiled. “You’re welcome.”

There was a quiet moment when you chewed through your of your danish. Once you’d swallowed you rationalised a little and said, “I’m sorry about your funds.”

He shook his heads “I’m sorry about the mood.”

Oh. “It’s okay. You’re famous for that.”

“I am?”

“Yep. It’s kinda of your thing.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmm.”

His mouth twitched. “Maybe I wanted to spare you.”

You smiled, because it was actually a nice thing to say. And he was not a nice person, but he was very kind to you most of the time—not always. He was almost smiling, staring down at you in a way that you couldn’t quite interpret but that made you think weird thoughts, until the barista deposited your drinks on the counter. He suddenly looks like he was about to retch.

“Satoru? Are you okay?”

He stared at your cup and took a step back. “The smell of that thing.”

You inhaled deeply. Heavenly. “You hate pumpkin spice latte?”

He wrinkled his nose, recoiling. “Gross.”

“How can you hate it? It’s the best thing your country has produced in the past century.”

“Please, stand back. The stench.”

“Hey. If I have to choose between you and pumpkin spice latte, maybe we should rethink our arrangement.”

He eyes your cup like it contained radioactive waste. “Maybe we should.”

He held the door open as you exited the coffee shop, taking care not to come too close to your drink. You could see through the windows of the lobby that, outside it was started by to drizzle. Some passers-by were hastily putting their hoods up and getting their umbrellas out. You had been in love with the rain since as far back as you could remember. You watched happily, Stopping with Satoru outside the cafe. He took a sip of his chamomile tea, and it made you happy.

“Hey,” you said, “I have an idea. Are you going to the event the company’s been promoting like crazy?”

He nodded. “I have to, if I want to keep this contract I kind of have to suck up to them.”

“Ah. That sounds…fun.” You winced sympathetically, almost laughing again at his appalled expression. “Well I’m going, Yuta says it promotes the band and shows are our bonding, something about us being seen as normal people. Are you going to make any of your big shot friends go?”

“No. I have other ways of making them miserable.”

You chuckled. He was funny, in that weird dark way of his. “I bet you do. Well, here’s my idea; since it’s a closed event, we should hand out. In front of the CEO and contract manager; they’ll see we’re basically one step away from marriage. Then he’ll make a quick phone call and a truck will drive up and give you your new contract right there in front of—”

“Hey, man!”

A black haired guy approached Satoru. You fell silent as Satoru turned to smile at him and exchanged a handshake—a close bros handshake. You blinked, wondering if you were seeing things, and took a sip of your latte.

You knew him.

“I thought you’d sleep in.” Satoru was saying.

You knew him.

“The time difference screwed me up. I figured I might as well come here and get to work. Something to eat, too, you have no food, man.”

You knew him.

“There are apples in the kitchen.”

You knew him.

“Right. No food.”

You knew him.

You took a step back, ready to excuse yourself when the guy turned to you. He looked eerily familiar, even though you were certain you had never met him before.

You knew him.

“And who’s this?” He asked curiously. His eyes were unnervingly black.

You knew him.

“This is Y/N,” Satoru said. There was a beat after your name, in which he should have probably specified how he knew you. He did not, and you really couldn’t blame him for not wanting to feed your fake-dating crap to someone who was clearly a good friend. You just kept your smile in place and let Satoru continue. “Y/N this is my collaborator—”

You knew him.

“Dude.” He interrupted. “Introduce me as your friend.”

You knew him.

Satoru rolled his eyes, clearly amused. “Y/N this is my friend and collaborator, Suguru Geto.”

Suguru Geto.

TAGLIST(29/50): @bbmsxlene @lunavelha @satoryaa @tranzumaki @k-kkiana @luvkvni @lysaray @kalulakunundrum @arysbruv @r4veeen @stillnotherapy @catobsessedlady @colortheoryrocks @minzxec @dazqa @packsvlog @luvvmae @simplysm1le @mintfyi @fushigurosgirl @littlecritteryay @fackeraccount @astro-stars @lavender-hvze @miizuzu @rayrayline @kanaojacksonofc @letsmyy @serenadesvt

© valentoru all rights reserved- do not publish my work on other platforms, plagiarise or translate.

[prettyyoungandbored]

Christmas - Johnny Knoxville

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!Reader (goes by “Babydoll”)

Author’s Note: I almost didn’t write this so happy holidays!

NOT MY GIF

The first Christmas in Johnny and Y/N’s relationship was celebrated the weekend before the couple went to their respective families.

The year after that, Johnny and Y/N decided to do Christmas in LA as Johnny was in the middle of filming another project and only had a couple weeks off.

Y/N sipped her coffee while curled up on the couch. She admired the small-ish Christmas tree in the corner of their living room. The two took advantage of one of the nights Johnny had off to decorate it.

“I’m actually glad we went with the red and green ornaments,” Y/N said, as she hung another round ornament on a stem. “They go well with the lights.”

Johnny cracked a smile. “Those goddamn lights were gonna be the end of me.”

She peeked over at him from the other side of the tree. “My love, you did a fantastic job with the lights.”

He made a face. “You’re just lucky I love you.”

He took a step back, setting down the empty box that the ornaments had been in. “Now this is a Christmas tree.”

Y/N walked over to him, standing right beside him. He was right. Between the lights and the ornaments, their Christmas tree was perfect. The only thing missing were presents underneath that were just begging to be unwrapped.

“I love it,” Y/N said. “It’s perfect.”

Johnny swung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss on the lips. “It’s our family tree.”

Our family tree. Three words that made her look at the tree differently than before.

Every time she looked at the tree she began to imagine decorating the tree with their future kids while they all drank hot chocolate.

She imagined wrapping presents with Johnny on Christmas Eve night while the kids slept. It’s that very fantasy playing over her head as she stared at it on this Christmas Eve.

“Babydoll, what’re you doing up?”

She glanced over to see Johnny walking toward her, rubbing his sleepy face.

“I just like admiring our tree,” she responded.

Johnny plopped on the couch beside her, reaching behind him to grab the folded blanket on top of the couch. He laid it out between the two of them.

“It’s the Clapp-L/N Family Tree,” he said. “Eventually, it’s gonna be the Clapp Family Tree.”

Her eyebrows shot up playfully. “It is, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” he nodded, throwing an arm around her. “Just you wait.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head.

=====================================

8 YEARS LATER….

“And that was the last of them,” Y/N exhaled as she pushed the final wrapped present toward the slightly overwhelming pile of presents.

“One last step, Babydoll,” Johnny said, holding a plate of the cookies left for “Santa” two hours earlier.

“Ooh, my favorite part,” Y/N said, plopping down on the couch.

He plopped on the couch beside her. They each grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and clinked them like champagne glasses before taking a bite.

“We did good this year,” Johnny said, throwing an arm around Y/N. “The kids are gonna flip.”

“Wyat absolutely will,” Y/N chuckled. “June may be slightly overwhelmed at first, but she’ll get into it.”

She paused eyeing the presents. “We may have gone a little overboard.”

“They were really good this year,” Johnny shrugged. “They deserve it.”

Y/N smiled at him. “We do have some pretty awesome kids.”

“That’s cause their parents are pretty awesome themselves,” he reminded her, kissing her forehead.

She snuggled into him some more as she admired the Clapp Family Tree, decorated the same as they first did all those years ago.

[guardevoir]

Fiber arts update time I guess?

Ohboy.

SO. It's been a while! I've actually continuously been crafting, I just hate taking photos with a burning passion and I'm not great at making posts about stuff regularly. Also, there were so many tiny-ass projects in there! And less than an ounce / like, 25g-ish of fiber on one of those nice chonky Kiwi 3 bobbins just never looks quite right, ya feel.

Anyway! I spun up most of last year's fiber advent calendar (and 100g/3.5 oz each of eider wool (Random Dike Sheep(tm)) and Zwartbles) as Trade Goods for a LARP thing I went to:

All of the small ones were chain-plied. Which I hate doing. I can't pull it off straight from the bobbin without more torn singles than I consider acceptable, and pre-plying this shit is so, SO intensely boring.

As far as finished yarn goes, this one deserves a special shout-out:

It turned into THE most stunningly beautiful thing - the color shifts depending on the light, the subtle hues make it look almost opalescent, and it's got a gorgeous shimmer to it. I don't usually like pastels, but THIS thing tickles my color theory sensibilities and I need more of it.

Also, the eider wool is THE cheapest stuff my favorite fiber shop sells, but it's really quite nice - spins up a lot like Down breeds, probably because it's a blend that frequently includes a lot of southdown, and feels more rustic than scratchy.

apparently it also takes dye really well; I unfortunately didn't have time to try that because I was running on a very tight deadline, but I'll get more of this and experiment with plant dyes at some point.

I also got started on a nice, worsted-ish (at a guess, I didn't measure it) merino-with-glitter 4-ply thing:

This is 100g; I've got the next 200 lined up and ready to go, and I'll probably need to toss another 100g on there afterward. My Crocheting Friend(tm) wants to make a vest out of it, for a mutual friend (who is, thankfully, fucking tiny in all three dimensions).

After I'm done with all of this, I have a couple more Really Big projects in mind, so that'll be fun...

[annahxredaxted]

OKAY OKAY OKAY

sam & sweetheart sibling ramble

just so we’re all clear this is just MY version of sweetheart you don’t have to agree and you definitely don’t have to ridicule.

(i am southern so i am definitely projecting a bit)

so if you know me you know my interpretation of sweetheart and sam is that their siblings.

sam left when sweetheart was 9-10 ish

their parents had sam YOUNG like teenagers

but they had sweetheart when they were like late 20s early 30s

sam left bc of abuse yadayada

they were reunited and you can find my other post about that here.

but they have another brother..

***

ANYWAY TIME SKIP TO CURRENTLY

Sam,darlin, sweetheart and Milo and sweetheart are at a random bowling alley and they’re all having fun.

it’s milo’s turn and sam is getting drinks

darlin is sitting down and sweetheart is just watching when their gaze is looking round and they see an ODDLY familiar face with a few people

it’s their brother, hunter (they have conservative, abusive AND southern parents let’s be real)

hunter is a informed unempowered but he’s basically a pro and very knowledgeable of magic and magical races.

hunter is the middle child, sweetheart being the youngest. sam being the oldest

sam came back and saw sweetheart looking shocked and almost scared

he turned and saw him and was very confused

hunter is an asshole, their parents favorited him bc he took the family trade etc

sweetheart ran to the bathroom and was just nervous, milo turned to see something was going on and sweetheart was upset.

milo did NOT like hunter, he cursed him out for a bit .

“what the fucking hell did you say to them asshole? who do you think you are?” he pushed hunter by the shoulder, sam had to stop him.

hunter has a southern accent as well but more diluted than sam’s.

tank was behind milo but definitely ready to throw hands.

sam remembered when he reunited with sweetheart a few years back and they had a very similar reaction.

sweetheart had been abandoned by their family a few times. and it’s hurt milo and sam to see them like this.

“what did i do?” hunter would start and sam would scold him (like the older brother he is)

“do.not.start.” sam would say VERY angrily

“i thought you guys would be happy to see me..” he would be VERY sarcastic.

sam nudged him angrily

“why do you think you can just waltz back here just because- (sweetheart) wasn’t prepared for that!” sam scolded again

“well i didn’t mean to sammy-boy it just happened.” sam would scowl “oh get over it they’ve always been a crybaby.” hunter would say again.

MILO WAS NOT HAVING IT

“you better take my mates name out of your mouth before i put my fist in it.” he got ANGRY

“mate? well that’s hilarious.. (sweetheart)? keeping a relationship? please.”

sam had to hold milo back to keep him from pouncing on hunter.

“down doggy”

suffice it to say sam let go of him.

they got kicked out…

sweetheart came outside and their face was tearstained and they were breathing heavy.

“milo what— hunter— why—“ they were shocked to see hunters nose bleeding and milo with a bruised fist.

“sorry sweetheart i just—“

they were almost disappointed, but they were definitely in a bad mood.

all three of the siblings were standing side by side and their resemblances were uncanny. it was almost funny.

“woah..” darlin whispered.

“lets just go home.” sweetheart whispered grumpily.

hunter sighed, almost upset like he felt bad.

“(sweetheart)—“

“i don’t wanna hear it hunter..” they blew him off..

sam looked angrily at hunter again.

milo and sweetheart went home- not without sweetheart reading him the riot act about how he shouldn’t have punched him how he wasn’t worth it.

“what the hell were you thinking coming to the place you knew we were?” sam spat

hunter didn’t have an answer

“it— i— i haven’t seen y’all in a while..” hunter whispered embarrassed his accent making it hard to hear him with all the mumbling.

sam almost felt bad for him.

“do us all a favor and go back home. your not wanted here, go help dad and be the golden child.” hunters head dropped.

sam almost regretted saying it but he held his ground. hunter walked away.

•••

WOWZERS IT FELT GOOD TO GET THIS DOWN.

erm this is kinda a fic sooo

Taglist:

@darlin-collins @shellssstuff @itsdaifuku @verrverii @youisagayhooman @kuteheadrest @glitchedvariety @hobiesrockstargf @mrsmiagreer

[whoslai]

Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 1)

genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)

warnings: none?? reader has anxiety/social anxiety and a few insecurities here and here. major slice of life for you peeps 

send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.

not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance. 

word count: 3.3k 

link to series masterlist or whatever

next chapter

Chapter 1: “Hey, lol.”

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Fall wasn’t your favorite season. From the stress of studying for finals to worrying about flight tickets back home when winter rolled around, you were never the biggest fan of the autumn months. With the combination of your busy schedule and your failure to get a refill on your anxiety medication, you felt immensely overwhelmed. Another thing to note was how lonely it got; Your family was across the country. Going to school in California was a conscious decision of yours, but you didn’t consider how tiresome it’d get not experiencing the warm embrace of a loved one in your times of need. To even take a trip back home would take you nearly 2 days, and that was simply not a risk you were willing to take with how dingy your car was. 

Your Friday’s typically consisted of this: Breakfast at the café off campus, lectures from 9 am to 12 pm, lunch at 12:30 pm accompanied with a small break, occasional seminars for an hour or so, then you were done. You’d usually study for a little while, but there were no promises. Being a second year psych student had its pros and cons; Less free time throughout the weekdays but completely free weekends. Though the pros outweigh the cons, you could use a bit more time to yourself throughout the week. As you were far from home, you had to make completely new friends. The vibe in California was completely different. You spent the entirety of your first year in your dorm in online school due to your school’s strict precautions against the pandemic, so you’d be stripped of the chance of branching out. While you weren’t the only one who went through this, it was 10x harder for you to go back to normal; Social anxiety had been something you’d struggled with all your life. The fear you felt when in big crowds, when being assigned to group projects, even merely walking to your class on campus…really…sucked. Tasked with the responsibility of your own finances, health insurance was something you simply couldn’t afford. Therefore, you hadn’t been on your meds for God knows how long. But anyway, you wouldn’t stay on such a depressing topic. 

Moving on, you had the weekend to yourself. You’d finished your last lecture around 2 pm and made your way back to your dorm. Fortunately, your roommate hadn’t made it back from her classes, so you had the space all to yourself. You locked the door behind you and took a breath of fresh air.

“Finally.” You sighed to yourself, plopping down onto your bed. Shoes were thrown about and you laid in your bed, indulging in the feeling of relief. But, as expected, it was cut short almost immediately.

Multiple knocks were sounded upon the door. It was nobody but Ningning, your lab partner in Abnormal Psych Stats 2. She was a sweet girl, she truly was. However, she always found a way to be overbearing. But you appreciate her as she was the only reason you ever left your room.

You slowly but surely got up to open the door, greeted by Ningning with a big smile.

“Y/N, were you lying down?” She asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I was, but now I’m up. Come, come.” You told her, moving out of the way so she could come in.

She walked in, closing the door behind her and sat on your bed as you spruced up your desk.

You glanced over at her, noticing that she was biting her lip and she only ever did that when she was holding back from saying something.

“Oh God, what is it?” You groaned, knowing she was about to say something outlandish.

She smiled and sat up, “Okay, don’t be mad but I booked us two tickets at this restaurant over in Malibu. Yes, I know it’s a long drive BUT…it’s worth it. Please tell me you’ll come with me, pleaseeeee…”

You sighed, rubbing your jaw, “I can’t.” Her smile faded, turning into a frown, “I don’t have the funds for that. I just planned on grabbing a meal from the dining hall…I’m trying to save up for a plane ticket.”

She shook her head, “Don’t worry about the costs, I’ll pay, it’ll be my treat. I wasn’t in town on your birthday and I want to make up for my absence. As your best, and ONLY friend, it’s my job to treat you. So, what do you say?”

You sighed to yourself, again. You hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight. You really were looking forward to having some down time to just relax and catch up on some shows. You also weren’t the type to depend on someone to pay for your meal, but one time wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Alright. Fine. When?” You asked her, stacking papers atop of each other.

“Today, tonight, let’s leave before 6 pm since our reservation is at 8:00.” She said, “I figured we could stay the night? If we left by 6 and got there at 7:30 ish, we could check into our reservation and stay at a nearby hotel. It’d be nice to take a break and be on our own for a while.”

You nodded, ‘That sounds nice…but costly? Where’s all this money coming from, Ningning?” 

She smiled, “Let’s just say…my job is treating me well. Now, pack a bag, be ready by 5.” She hurried up and kissed your cheek as she made her way out of your room, closing the door behind you. 

So, a trip. A mini girls trip for a night. You were excited, actually. It’s been a while since you had a chance to take a break. You’ve never been to Malibu either. This should be fun.

Later on, you finished packing a small bag with a few essentials. You changed into an outfit you thought fit the Malibu vibe: A black halter top with beige flowy pants and matching back sandals. You clipped a mango-ish colored flower into your hair after you slicked it back into a ponytail and grabbed your bag. You touched yourself up a bit before walking out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. You knocked on Ningning’s dorm and waited for her to open it.

Once she did, she met you with a smile and walked out with her bag, locking the door behind her. “You look so cute, Y/N. We’re going to have so much fun, trust me.”

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You two soon made it to the restaurant with not a lot of time to spare as it was 8:00 on the dot. Ningning quickly found a parking spot and you both agreed to find a hotel after you ate. 

From the outside looking in, the restaurant was beautiful. It was right beside a beach with a beautiful view of the ocean; Moonshadows Malibu was its name, it truly was something you thought you’d never see in real life. As you two made your way inside, you were hit by the aroma of vanilla and solemn music, only adding to the overall dreamy vibe. A pretty lady at the front greeted you both with a wide smile. She held up two shell necklaces, “Would you ladies like a necklace?” Ningning looked at you before quickly nodding, holding her hands out to grab them. She gave you one as she slipped hers on her head and you followed after her, placing the necklace around your neck.

“We reserved a seat for two?” Ningning remarked towards the lady.

The girl nodded, “What’s the name?”

“Ning Yi Zhuo..” Nigning replied, nodding.

The girl nodded, “Okay, follow me.” She showed you both to the deck of the restaurant, seated outside right above the sand and beside the ocean. You were in awe at how beautiful the sunset was. Ningning thanked the girl as she placed down menus and told you both that your waiter would be over soon.

“It’s so pretty in Malibu…” You sighed, looking at the ocean.

“I grew up right next door to Malibu, actually. I always enjoyed coming here on vacation, such a nice place. Anyway,” She laughed, “What are you getting to drink? I brought my fake just in case…”

You smiled, shaking your head, “I don’t drink, Ningning. You’re always pressuring me to drink.”

She scoffed, “Peer pressure? I’d never!”

You rolled your eyes, “Sure. I’ll probably just get water, I’m trying to be healthier.”

“Aw, okay. I love that for you, but I’m still going to get a Pina Colada.” She sighed, pretending to jut her lip out at you.

You shook your head and looked down at your menu, suddenly feeling your heart dropping. The prices were high! The cheapest thing you saw was $20!

“Jesus, Ningning! These prices are literally so unrealistic.” You told her.

She shrugged, “You pay for the quality, not quantity. They honestly have some of the best food in Malibu, trust me. How about we both share an appetizer and then worry about the entrees later? Sounds good?”

“Okay, well, at least I'll pay for your gas. Deal?” You asked.

“Oh hell yeah, you can definitely pay for my gas.” She nodded to herself.

You closed your menu and took your phone out, capturing some photos of the ocean for later. You wanted to savor the moment. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, the waves lapped gently against the shore. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, while the clouds seemed to catch fire with the last rays of daylight. A few seagulls flew overhead, their silhouettes dark against the vibrant sky. The air was filled with the salty scent of the sea and the distant sound of laughter and music. It was a moment of peace and beauty that seemed to suspend time, as if the world had paused to take in the breathtaking scene before it.

Only, your attention was stricken as you heard Ningning whisper something. You looked back at her and her eyes were wide and signaling to the side of you; A waiter. Your heart skipped a beat as he drew closer, his smile dazzling and his eyes sparkling. He was even more handsome up close, with strong, chiseled features and a confident demeanor. You felt a sudden burst of nervous energy, unsure of how to act in the presence of such beauty. His voice was smooth and charming as he greeted you both. You felt an immense struggle to keep your composure. It was clear that he had an effect on you, and you simply couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way.

“Evening, ladies…” The young man greeted you both, “Can I get you guys started with anything to drink?”

Ningning eagerly nodded, “You most certainly can…Y/N?” Hearing your name snapped you out of your mini trance and you looked at her in confusion. She widened her eyes at you, signaling for you to talk.

“I’ll just get some water for now.” You told him, clearing your throat. 

He nodded, “Water it is…” A small smile crept on his face as he glanced back up at you and playfully remarked, “But I’ve got a feeling you might want something a little stronger later on.”

 You couldn't help but feel a bit flustered by his comment, but you managed to laugh it off. "We'll see about that," you replied, trying to hide your growing attraction to him. Ningning, on the other hand, was not as subtle.

 "Oh, I think we definitely will," she said with a grin, winking at the waiter. You shot her a look, but she just shrugged innocently, “I’d like a Piña Colada, extra coconut.”

The waiter chuckled, clearly enjoying the attention. "I'll keep that in mind," he said before taking your orders and walking away. Ningning leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye.

 "He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't deny that she was right. "Yeah, he is," you admitted, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks.

“He was soooo flirting with you, Y/N.” She laughed, “It’s time you got some action, anyway. 19 and still a virgin? Unheard of.” You shook your head, trying to brush off her comment. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. You couldn't wait to see what the rest of the night had in store.

As the night progressed, you and Ningning chatted about a multitude of topics. Life, college, boys, parties, homework, etc. You were glad you went out with her, it was just the breath of fresh air you had been needing these past few weeks. 

Oh, and of course, you’d stolen some glances at the waiter. When he brought back your drinks, he made sure to place yours down first even though Ningning was obviously positioned in front of your water. 

One thing he did that made his interest almost completely obvious was when he leaned down on the table to speak to you when you knew he could hear you just fine as he was merely a few inches away. You wouldn’t say you were flirting back. Although Ningning was urging you to do so, flirting wasn’t something you were familiar with. Why would a guy flirt with you of all people? Especially as your much prettier friend sat across from you. For all you knew, he simply could have wanted a nice tip. You wouldn’t entertain him much, you came to get a break from campus, not to find a fling.

Ningning turned her attention back to you when he walked away to retrieve you both some refills, “He wants you.”

You didn’t respond to her comment, choosing to turn your attention to the last sushi roll instead. You rinsed it down with the last morsel of your water, sighing internally when he came back. 

“One filet mignon for Ms. Lily,” He said, placing down your food, “And a scottish Salad for-”

“Lily?” Ningning laughed, confused at the name he referred to you as.

He looked up at her as he placed her food down, “Lily Flower, in your hair,” He glanced up at you, “It’s cute, by the way.”

You awkwardly nodded, “Thanks…”

He smiled and rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’ll be around. Call me if you guys need anything. I hope you enjoy your food.”

“Will do.” Ningning said, “One thing before you go…” He nodded in acknowledgment, licking his lips. “You single?”

The waiter chuckled, clearly amused by Ningning's boldness. "I am, actually," he replied, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment.

Ningning grinned. "Good to know," she said, winking at him. "We'll keep that in mind."

As he walked away, you couldn't help but feel a little jealous of your friend's flirtatiousness. But deep down, you knew that there was something between you and the waiter, something that went beyond just a passing attraction.

As you ate your meal, you found yourself stealing glances at him, meeting your eyes with his own whenever he walked by, feeling a rush of excitement every time he flashed you a smile. Finally, as the meal came to a close, he brought over the bill and once again flashed you a charming grin. "I hope you enjoyed everything," he said, his eyes sparkling. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a little shy under his gaze. 

"It was great, thank you," you replied, trying to sound casual, knowing damn well that you were nearly shitting your pants under his intense gaze. 

He nodded, walking away to leave you both to the bill. Ningning shook her head, “If you don’t write your number down on this bill, I’m genuinely never taking you out ever again. This is a threat.”

You couldn't help but laugh at Ningning's threat, feeling a little embarrassed at how obvious your attraction to the waiter had been. But she was right, you knew that you couldn't let this opportunity slip away. As you saw the waiter returning to take the bill, you nervously scribbled down your phone number onto a small napkin, placing it beside the bill. You hoped that he wouldn't notice until you left as you didn’t want to make anything awkward. As he collected the bill, you tried to act casual, but your heart was racing with anticipation. You watched as he glanced down at the paper with your phone number on it, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he interested in you too? Or was this just wishful thinking on your part?

“Thank you ladies, have a nice night.” He said as you both got up. Ningning nudged you to say something but you urged her out of the restaurant, wanting to abort immediately. However, just before you walked out of the door, you looked back at him once more. You saw that he tucked the paper into his pocket without a word, but then he glanced back at you with a small smile, and you felt a surge of hope. Maybe there was something there after all. 

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You two made your way into town with the windows down, allowing the breeze to brush through as you listened to the radio. You pointed out a nearby hotel that looked nice, actually. Pool, multiple floors, adequate priced rooms. It wouldn’t hurt to stay for one night in a nice hotel, afterall, you only live once. 

Ningning found a parking spot and you helped her carry her bag in as she made her way to the front to pay for the room. She made small talk in the elevator but you truthfully found yourself checking your phone to see if he had texted. It was already late, nearing 1 am. Surely the restaurant wasn’t open this late. Maybe he only smiled at you out of courtesy, afterall, Ningning had left a nice tip.

As you entered the hotel room, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that you hadn't heard from the waiter. Maybe it was a mistake to put yourself out there like that, to give him your number so readily. Maybe he wasn't interested after all.

Ningning caught the look on your face and immediately knew what was going on. "Hey, don't worry about it," she said, giving you a comforting pat on the back. "Maybe he's just busy or something. You'll hear from him soon enough."

You nodded, trying to shake off your disappointment. "Yeah, you're right," you said, forcing a smile. "Let's just enjoy the night." Ningning nodded in agreement, and the two of you settled in for the night, enjoying the comfortable beds and the peace and quiet of the hotel room. 

But as you lay in bed, your mind kept wandering back to the waiter. Amidst all of the doubt you held within your mind, you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, and if he was thinking about you too. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but you couldn't help but feel like there was something there, something that was worth pursuing. 

As you placed your phone down on the nightstand beside you, it vibrated. Your heart dropped, surely…a family member wasn’t texting you at 3 in the morning, right? You took a deep breath, glancing to your side to see Ningning asleep. You reached for your phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you saw the notification; An unsaved number. Your heart leapt in your chest as you opened the message, feeling a rush of relief and joy when you saw the text.

+1 424-936-2945: “Hey, lol.”

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authors note: i hope you guys liked this first part of my ongoing series. i was kinda writing outta my ass. i got this out sooner than i thought i would so, yeah! anyway, let me know how you guys liked it and feel free to send in any thoughts you have. i hope to write this series in you guyses vision, not my own. reblog, likes, and comments are all appreciated haha. lmk if u wanna be tagged in the next chapter.

@voidbeomgyu