#it’s been a year so obviously this evening I am going insane and being sad that I am the only one that is going insane | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ashtxrie · 10 months ago

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oh no... am i falling in love? (sunoo)

PAIR. high school!sunoo x gn!reader GENRE. fake dating au, high school au, best friends to lovers, fluff WORD COUNT. 2.2k WARNINGS. none! NOTES. first post kinda nervous!! <//3 i need a sunoo irl he is truly the greenest of green flags

you and sunoo are those friends

you’ve got that type of friendship where something clicked and suddenly you were both attached at the hip for years

because apparently having the same clear muji pencil case with the holy grail 0.5 black muji pen at the beginning of middle school meant best friends ride or die in seventh-grade culture

like, someone who prioritized aesthetics in notetaking as much as you did? even in the confines of this crusty campus? crazy.

but anyway, with you being absolutely intent on making friends, sunoo couldn’t get rid of you if he tried but pls he could never survive without you anyway... who else would he trust enough to exchange his top-tier notes with?

and since then you’ve both been best friends for life! well, ever since the +6 with the introduction of sunoo's other friends [read: the rest of enhypen...]

and at first you were super happy because new friends!

but then they kind of stopped hanging out with you in the middle of sophomore year or so and went off into their own little world

and you were a little sad

ok maybe a lot sad. devastated, even.

but that was okay because that meant you were able to meet new friends and expand your horizons! you even got the chance to focus on yourself and join some new clubs, too!

who even is sunoo anymore lmao you don’t know him

but anyway

it was junior year and you were so tired of your friends bugging you to get a s/o

“[name], why don’t you date someone?”

“you’d really hit it off with so and so, don’t you think?”

“just put yourself out there”

ರ_ರ

ayo... excuse me

so one day you just can’t take it anymore

and maybe you should’ve thought this through but... nope

you don’t pause to think things through

because life is for living in the moment hell yes yolo gang

“umm guys i’m already dating someone!”

needless to say your friends go INSANE

like who tf is [name] gatekeeping from us they’re so fake /j

so like any sane and mentally adept person, you say the first name that comes to mind

“hahaha … sunoo!”

your friends stare at you. flabbergasted, shocked, stunned beyond words.

blink blink

“but … weren’t you guys just friends”

“NO”

you’re panicking but

trust

“we’re in LOVE”

ur friends are really like ok whatever, but go off

and that is how you find yourself dragging yourself over to sunoo's fifth period and placing your hands on sunoo's shoulders

“promise me you won’t freak out”

and ofc sunoo is already freaking out

bc why are you standing in front of the ap lang classroom with this crazily determined face and forcing him to listen to you

and this is how you get into this situation

with sunoo having a literal double take and you doing your best "pls help me out i beg of you" impression

“i can’t DATE you”

what

you give sunoo your best professional face even though inside you’re ???

bc um is it that bad to date you??

you are confused???

you’ve saved sunoo thousands of times in his high school career in both academics and social standing he can afford to pretend to date you ONCE

“WHY NOT”

“BECAUSE”

...

is he being fr rn

obviously you’re not getting anywhere and you turn around to walk away, kind of annoyed

“fine then, i’ll just find someone else to date me.” shrug (dies inside).

as soon as you say that, it’s like you’ve flipped a switch and suddenly sunoo is very concerned and almost a little upset

and when you don’t notice him contemplating something, he runs in front of you and nearly knocks you over

“second thoughts?”

sunoo scowls

although it looks more like a lil pout pushing at his lips and he crosses his arms

lmao who is this and what’s happened to sunoo

you shrug and start to leave for real until sunoo reaches out to tug at your arm

“NO, NO WAIT … I’LL DO IT”

you whirl around immediately and you are needless to say, very relieved!

｡◕‿◕｡

“perfect!”

but apparently sunoo hasn’t recovered from his fall from before

bc he can’t stop rubbing his hand against his neck and his face is all blotchy and pink

kinda cute, but in a best friends way. like wowie my best friend looks kinda adorable look at that boy go

but ofc sunoo has to ruin the special moment because he offhandedly says, “shouldn’t we have rules or something?”

rules???

RULES???

this is fake dating sunoo wdyfm rules? that's so silly goofy

“huh?”

“like … things not to do? maybe one big rule is not ruining our friendship???”

ʘ‿ʘ

he kinda smart for that

“ok easy then, just don’t fall in love with me”

apparently this is the WRONG thing to say?

sunoo is RED like boy is not pink anymore his cheeks are burning red

“you can’t just say that?”

????

you are confused bc what does that even mean

“why not?”

“that’s like ... y-you you can’t just say that.”

you are, if possible, even more confused?

“okay and?”

sunoo blinks

pls this boy has the audacity to just shrug

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

u are dumb af sunoo bout to throw hands here

but he won’t bc he loves u <3

so fifteen minutes later you guys decide to make three big rules

sunoo had a whole list of like twenty but you narrowed it down to these:

1. don’t ruin ur friendship

2. no kissing

3. and ur paying for three rounds of mint choco ice cream after this is over

honestly you think this is kinda rude considering sunoo is richer than ur entire life but whatever, at least he’s not leaving you out to the wolves

so when it’s finally time to put this fake dating thing to the test, you tug sunoo over to your side of the table during lunch and make sure to swing his hand

which actually feels kind of nice??

like you’ve never actually thought about this before

but sunoo is comforting

his hand fits right in yours, and he’s so warm

and i mean haha it’s not like this is a new thing, you two hold hands all the time!! but adjkaldjkfl not in a dating way

ur friends are shocked. bamboozled.

like they never thought you’d actually show up with a DATE

and bc they’re all RUDE they grill sunoo

but sunoo is best boy

best bf

and answers all their questions like a pro

that's my man

i mean what???

ur so proud

you let ur head rest against sunoo's shoulder and BITCH

sunoo presses a kiss to ur forehead

YO........................ insane.

why are u so happy? what is this??

it’s just so gentle and soft and you feel your heart getting all mushy and warm

your friends all give a big collective aww because one, they’re annoying af and yes y’all are cute cute and this is cute

but ur going through some existential crisis

and later when you’re walking with sunoo to all your classes, you can’t stop thinking that hey, this fakedating thing isn’t that bad

but whatever it’s just cause u miss spending time with sunoo!

yes, that’s it!

you’re just sad that sunoo always hangs out with his new group and you don’t get to see him as much

so this is nice!

you’re just going through some bff nostalgia rn... it's just gonna take some time for [name].exe to start working again

anyway now bc of this fakedating thing, you and sunoo just spend so much time together

like you guys have always been best friends, but this feels different

sunoo will run over to you when he sees you and wrap his arms around your waist

the first time he did it, he had the cuteness to go “is this okay? are you okay? is this too much?"

and YOUR HEART WENT !!!!!

you might’ve blushed

okay you did

but you convince yourself it’s just because ur touch starved and bitchless

c’mon... get it together

but whenever you call sunoo and wave at him, his face just LIGHTS up

and you’re pretty sure yours does too

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

needless to say, you kinda don’t want this all to end

because somewhere in the middle of all this, your head has gone from calling sunoo your fake boyfriend to your real boyfriend

and you don’t really want to go back to just being friends if you’re honest

wait hold up

uh oh

UH OH CODE RED

INTERPOL INTERPOL.....

did you just admit you liked sunoo?? in a FOR REALS way?

UMMMMM

so like the only way you know how to deal with things, you avoid it!

you start to act really distant

and now whenever sunoo wraps his arms around you, you stiffen up

and sunoo like the angel he is pulls away so quickly bc ?? is his best friend upset? uncomfortable?

did HE make his best friend for life, his 4lifer, uncomfortable? omg this isn’t ok what is happening

everyone can tell something is up

ofc they can, what with you going to the extent of running away whenever you see sunoo and sunoo reacting like the entire light got blown out his life

and bffr sunoo may be innocent but he ISN'T dumb

he knows your schedule he KNOWS you’re ignoring him

and baby is upset

because lately you’ve been starting to feel a lot more to him

and now you’re just gone??

that’s not okay and sunoo isn’t just gonna sit around and be sad

if there’s something he can do he’s gonna do all he can to try to fix it!

he corners you one day and holds up an angry piece of paper

“excuse me but you broke rule number one which is, in case you forgot, don’t RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP”

“oh haha uh sunoo! hi uhh i gotta go 👉👉 ”

sunoo's face falls

and that was it

you just wanna hold his cheeks and tell him things are fine and that you love him

wait WHAT

but sunoo is still staring at you with that wounded look

like you’ve just ripped up his heart and torn it to shreds

bc that’s kinda what you’re doing

omg what’ve you done

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

“sunoo…”

his eyes lock onto yours so fast that you’re afraid he’s got whiplash

your mouth goes dry, and for a few moments it’s hard to talk

but you finally manage to tell him that “i don’t think we should fake date anymore.”

sunoo's face breaks

his eyes go wide, and it looks like he wants to stagger. and he almost does, just a little bit

“is it something i did?”

WHAT

this boy

kim sunoo is really gonna be the death of you

you’re shaking your head back and forth so fast because NO of course not of course this isn’t his fault

sunoo is Not Okay, and he looks so, so concerned for you. “because i swear i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. if i screwed up just tell me and i can fix it, [name], please”

you shake ur head, already starting to panic. “of course not. it’s not YOU sunoo. i just can’t fake date you because--”

you clamp your hands over your mouth

“because?” sunoo prompts, his voice careful

you just shake your head, already starting to turn and run back to somewhere, anywhere because this is stupid and you’re scared

terrified, actually

but sunoo just takes your hand and tugs you backward a bit, almost like a scene from a movie

you do that little twirl back and are face to face with the one and only

“do you … do you like me?” sunoo asks

that’s it

it’s out

you’re ready for your entire friendship with sunoo to come crashing down

“do you?” he repeats softly

you try to pull away but sunoo isn’t having it

he’s still holding onto your hand, gently, of course, and his eyes are boring into yours

you’re too scared to look because you’re afraid of what you’ll find

but when you can’t take it anymore and finally tilt your head up you realize something important

because his eyes aren’t full of disgust

in fact, that’s further from the truth

kim sunoo is staring at you with the biggest heart eyes you’ve ever seen and you’re confused as to how you’ve never seen this sooner

it’s almost like you’re his whole world, and now you can’t fucking breathe

is this real? chat is this fr rn??

your heart’s pounding in your chest so fast and there’s something bursting at your lungs

you nod faintly. “yes. i like you”

the huge grin that spreads across sunoo's face is everything

he rushes forward to pull you into a gigantic hug, even lifting you up a little as he spins you around and lets out a little happy noise

“i’ve liked you forever, [name], i can’t believe this is real”

what

so u could’ve been dating sunoo before??

“you dork why didn’t you tell me?”

“because you didn’t like me like that!”

BITCH WHAT

“well maybe i was confused” you pipe back

sunoo just laughs, burying his head in your shoulder. “i’m so happy right now.”

and honestly ?

so are you !!

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen blurbs #enhypen fic #enhypen sunoo #kim sunoo #sunoo #sunoo x reader #sunoo imagines #sunoo fluff #sunoo fic #sunoo soft hours #ashtxrie #— ash writes!

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colorfullyminded · 4 months ago

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TLDR

Okay I cannot believe I'm about to go off like this, but this has been bothering me for awhile, and it's only making me more spiteful. I have been enjoying the influx of Billford art lately. Amazing, great wonderful. What I have Not been enjoying, is the absolute vitriol the Billdip fans have been getting since the influx of TBOB. I was a billdip shipper for awhile. Hell I was a billdip shipper when I was a Parapines shipper-- I liked shipping Dipper with boys. I was also like 14 or 15 at the time. Obviously, if you follow me now, you'll probably notice what my main ship for Dipper is. I grew out of Billdip, and moved on to Pinescone. I have been shipping Pinescone for 10 years. However, not once did I go around saying "Lol, glad I matured and became a better person and shipped something healthier", nor did I post in the billdip tag, condeming people for a fictional ship! And saying mine was better because it was less problematic.

"I'm really glad people stopped shipping Bill and Dipper together. Bill is a 1000 year old triangle demon, and Dipper is 13--" Stop. Repeat what you just said.

"Bill is 1000 year old triangle--"

Repeat that last word to me. "....triangle?" TRIANGLE! I'm sorry what?! This ship is already completely wild enough. You're getting mad at this fictional age gap-- AND BILL IS A FUCKING SHAPE! A FUCKING SHAPE! This ship was weird from the moment GO! And Billford isn't any better. IT'S STILL A SHIP WITH A FUCKING SHAPE! And you're going to sit on your high horse and look down on the Billdip community. On top of it-- they have an age gap too! Bill is still thousands of years old or whatever-- however long it's been, who knows? And Ford was in his 20s or so when he met Bill. That's still a huge, ridiculous age gap-- that Bill could easily use and manipulate; which he did....and then also caught feelings and became a sad ex, but that's beside the point~ Both of these ships are still insane. And again, the bigger thing I think people are just ignoring about these ships--is that Bill is a TRIANGLE! THREE LINES CONNECTED TOGETHER! And this is the hill you're going to die on? ...Cause apparently it's mine. First of all-- as many people pointed out-- Ford Pines did not exist until the second half of the final season. People couldn't ship Fordbill because there wasn't any Ford to introduce.

"Well, even before Ford, I never shipped Billdip! I always disliked it." ...Okay, that's totally fine. Not everyone needs to like or agree on the same ship. Lord knows there's probably people who don't really care for Pinescone either. There's a lot of popular ships that I can't stand. But I'm don't go into a ship tag I don't like, screaming to a void for self validation. I don't go around mocking other people for ships that they had in 2014-- or even still today! It doesn't matter! I did that when I was a kid-- and then realized that was rude, and it was better to just ignore the ships I didn't like and enjoy the ones that made me happy. And grow a community of kind, like minded friends. And listen, I am all for safe spaces and being able to block things that make you uncomfortable. I am not saying people who find the BillDip ship uncomfortable to be idiots or babies or overly sensitive-- or anything like that. I think if something makes you uncomfortable, that is okay and I think it's perfectly fine to blacklist a tag that you don't want to see. I also think it's imperative that people tag things as accurately as they can so people looking at your work can know if one of your pieces has a thing that they don't like-- and therefore can avoid. What I don't appreciate is the fanhate for this ship that is sprouting up like weeds. You can not like something, you can be disgusted by it (I have my Gravity Falls ships I can not stand, nor do I feel comfortable with), but attacking real people for a FICTIONAL SHIP-- two characters who are drawings on a piece of paper and can not be affected mentally, physically or emotionally by fanwork; who still retain the same shape after everything we put them through-- to the point that you send death threats, or threaten to Doxx, or just harass relentlessly, I have always found that more childish and disgusting. You are causing real world pain to people. Me fucking up Dipper Pines is not going to do anything to him-- because he doesn't actually exist. He's a cartoon character. I could squash him and stretch him in Wonka's taffy machine--- I could throw him mock speed at a wall and watch him explode on impact-- but he still exists. He's not dead; I can pick him up and dust him off, and If I wanted-- I could decide that eh, 'Not a scratch on him'. And I'd be right. Because he is a cartoon character, and I am just a fangirl. I can not change anything about him-- I have no ability to make anything I headcanon canon. And even if I was the original artist-- it doesn't change the fact that Dipper would still be nothing more than a creation. A construct of shapes; he can not be hurt or traumatized in a way that leads to real life consequences-- because he is not real. I am not a cartoon character. My friends are not cartoon characters. Artist and Writers who stay in their lane...are not cartoon characters. If you hurt us...it will linger. It will leave a scar. If you can not tell the difference between Fiction and Reality, then I think maybe media might be too much to handle-- and I think you need to really reevaluate yourself.

And just to vent some other things that i keep seeing that are frustrating: You can't claim the twins are only 13-- and then on August 31st go "Happy 20-something Birthday Mabel and Dipper!" And then proceed to drop a picture of them as adults. Well which is it? Do they age or not? Because Gravity Falls showed them canonically aging. If you think the twins age-- then you can't suddenly turn around and go, 'no you can't ship them-- Dipper is a child!' but you drew him as an adult. So sorry, it looks like you can't draw the twins grown up anymore. You claimed they're 13, so better draw them 13 forever--. Aged up stories and works exist for a reason, especially for a fan who grew up on the series. The characters might have grown up alongside them. It's not unlikely for a person to ship Billdip when Dipper is much older.

And on that note, for people who are like 'well older billdip is fine-- it's just people shipping him during the show that deserve to die.' Okay... and like I said, this rant is coming from a recent influx of Billford shippers spitting on Billdip shippers. You know? The TOXIC Old Man Yaoi!

You're still shipping something that is problematic. You are still shipping something twisted and wrong. And I am not judging you. I am here for this divorced arc. I am thriving. But you can't just pick and choose what is and isn't okay. And let me first off explain; if there is something that personally triggers you about a toxic ship, and you want to avoid that-- again, perfectly understandable. Perfectly reasonable. You are the makers of your content space. And I am not judging anyone for that. I want people to be safe. I want people to have a good time in fandom spaces. I want people to not have to deal with the things that upset them or frighten them, or disgust them. But you can not say one is fine, and one is not. They're both bad! They're both toxic. In real life, these ships would both be charged with serious crimes! And yes, there are some crimes that are worse than others, and if you asked me what I thought was more problematic-- I'd say Billdip-- but both of these ships are extreme, and severe in their problematic content. You are still consuming problematic content. If it's a personal thing, that's fine; avoid it. But don't sit there throwing stones from your glass house.

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mulletmitsuya · 1 year ago

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Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, the topic of sex is brought up a lot, mentions of the r word (i don't actually say it i just say "r word"), gayness, mentions of depression, mentions of suicide, teenage boys. also snuck in a lot of personal headcanons so that might not be your thing

Desc: Mikey lost his V-card

Mikey: just had the sex

Mikey: it's not all that, tbh

Mikey: i didn't like it

Mikey: i was quite indifferent to the situation actually

Mitsuya: that's great 👍

Smiley: you're the last one to lose your v-card and you come back with a report like this?😒

Smiley: we want details

Draken: whose we?

Mitsuya: no we don't

Chifuyu: it must have been difficult tackling the whole issue with you being 5'3 and all

Mikey: you're an inch taller than me😐

Chifuyu: "taller" being the key word

Baji: what didn't you like about the sex?

Baji: i think sex is great

Kazutora: i think it's super nice until you get in over your head and freak out about your performance so you end up having a panic attack and she just leaves

Smiley: LMAOOOOOO

Draken: that's actually kinda sad, you good?

Kazutora: no? i'll never emotionally recover. never again

Baji: maybe it should be with someone you trust and have been friends with for a number of years. maybe even your best friend who would do anything for you. that's just my opinion tho

Draken: just tell him ffs. anything but this

Kazutora: i have no girl friends?? the only women i know who're affiliated with this friendgroup are hina (taken), emma (mikey's sister and also taken), and yuzuha (gay)

Baji: why does it have to be a girl

Mikey: bro

Hakkai: 💀

Smiley: mention homosexuality once and here Hakkai comes

Hakkai: 😐

Kazutora: Baji i know you're gay and i support your lgbtq+ lifestyle but i'm not into dicks like you are man

Baji: what about assholes

Mitsuya: what's the point of this, like just ask him out atp

Mikey: you'd let KAZUTORA top???? insane

Kazutora: what's wrong with me topping? also who am i topping??

Smiley: well you're a twink so you're obviously a bottom

Chifuyu: Kazutora are you actually just gonna ignore what everyone else is saying

Kazutora: aren't you guys talking to Baji?

Draken: are you stupid or what

Kazutora: i'm really confused rn can we just to back to talking about Mikey

Mikey: yes actually. i've decided that i don't like sex and won't be doing it again

Chifuyu: bad day for Takemitchy

Takemitchy: what?

Chifuyu: well since you ride his dick so much

Takemitchy: HUH

Takemitchy: i've never done that with Mikey-kun tho??? i'm with Hina? also I'm straight so I don't understand what you mean by that 😥

Chifuyu: i don't actually mean-

Chifuyu: nvm

Baji: are we allowed to call people the r word anymore

Angry: no it's a slur

Baji: you're probably mad because people said it to you huh? lmao

Angry: yes

Baji: oh

Smiley: i didn't even mean it Angry it was just that one time

Angry: several, one times. but okay

Angry: i still love you

Smiley: can you not say that in front of our friends like idk what to do rn cause i can't say it back so it looks embarssing for you

Angry: 😕

Smiley: ...

Angry: ☹️

Smiley: i love you too

Angry: thank you

Chifuyu: very rare Smiley human decency moment

Draken: you guys are such weird siblings but that was great to watch. character development in a matter of seconds

Smiley: you should all kill yourselves

Mikey: man i really want to

Mikey: that was a literal joke before you guys get weird

Draken: you've actively tried to kill yourself tho

Mikey: yeah but like i won't do it anymore

Baji: we must just, believe you?

Mikey: i know that's hard to do because i lie all the time but yes

Draken: not a convincing argument but nice try

Mitsuya: terrible try actually. Mikey should we be worried?

Mikey: miss me with that gay shit, i'm fine

Mitsuya: i hate you guys so much

Draken: not me tho cause i'm your og

Mitsuya: 😐

Mitsuya: yeah i guess

Draken: 🤞

Draken: i'm gonna go out with my girlfriend now

Draken: also Mikey you're probably asexual. or you haven't found the right one to do it with yet idk

Mikey: what's asexual

Draken: google it

Mikey: Ken-chin c'mon i'm having a crisis rn

Draken: basically low or very little sexual attraction to others

Draken: there's a whole spectrum to it tho so you should probably do some research because that was an extremely watered down explanation

Draken: i'm ace too if that helps

Baji: Emma's a whole ass slut so how does she deal with that

Smiley: imagine bagging Ryuguji Ken with his sexy ass and he doesn't wanna smash. tragic

Draken: first of all, Baji i'll fucking kill you, never say that about Emma again

Draken: and fuck you Smiley

Angry: are you traumatized because of living in a sex orientated/obsessed environment so you eventually began to detest any affiliation with the act?

Draken: yes actually

Angry: i see

Mikey: i just don't like it. i'm not traumatized like Ken-chin :(

Draken: it's whatever

Baji: calm down i didn't call Emma a slut as an insult i just mean it as a describing word because she likes fucking

Baji: i've known her longer than you and she's been fucking since she knew what the thing was

Mikey: i probably should have addressed that as an older brother or something

Mikey: yk, cause i take care of my family

Baji: now she takes care of you with your chronically depressed ass

Mikey: 😒

Kazutora: is Emma also traumatized? like the opposite of Draken?

Mikey: wait should i ask?? her mom did abandon her and she did grow up without a father figure so like maybe i should talk to her

Smiley: you didn't have to dish out her problems like that 💀

Baji: she's got the Sano slut genes because wasn't Shinichiro falling in love with different people everyday? then your dad was impregnating people all the time. skipped Mikey tho

Draken: not everything is trauma related. also Emma just likes sex. it's not a huge deal breaker and if it was she would tell me and we'd talk about it

Mikey: what about having kids?

Draken: stop asking me this shit we'll do that when we're ready

Smiley: it's crazy how Draken is one of the healthiest people here. always reacting sensibly to situations and dealing with his trauma normally. he's such a good guy. hate him

Draken: love you too

Mikey: did he deal with it all that healthily if he beats people to a pulp most of the time

Draken: i stopped doing that

Baji: why though, you were an actual unit

Baji: wasted talent. i still beat people up

Draken: Emma said to

Mikey: fair

Smiley: Mitsuya could be on Draken's level too but something went wrong along the way cause he's a boy liker

Mitsuya: 🖕

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demonpiratehuntress · 6 months ago

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love me again

OPLA!Sanji x F!Reader

taglist - @kabloswrld

summary - you were a waitress at the Baratie years before you joined Luffy's rag-tag crew. you shared one kiss with Sanji and when you return with them to the Baratie, you find the cook hasn't forgotten. and he wants more

warnings - was going for fluff but this turned out angstier and longer (i got carried away) than i thought. don't worry, it's still fluffy at the end though

a/n - please request more OPLA!Sanji, i am going insane. my favourite is Zoro (as i'm sure you guys have noticed) but i had a dream about this guy. help

"Are you really leaving?"

"I wish you'd come with."

"You know why I can't."

"I know..."

A brief silence settled over you both before gentle footsteps met your ears. When you looked up, he was right in front of you. Your breath hitched, the proximity causing butterflies to bloom in your stomach.

"This is what I've always wanted..."

"I know," he answered softly, "Look at me. It's okay."

You didn't want to look. If you looked at him, you'd be tempted to stay, just like you'd been for so long. Every time you tried to leave, one look from him made you stay. You'd been delaying following your dreams because of how much you'd miss the only man you'd ever loved.

"(Name)."

You slowly looked up, hesitantly. He was offering you a sad smile, obviously trying to be brave for your sake.

"Maybe our paths will cross again one day."

"I hope so," you replied quietly. "Don't forget about me now."

He chuckled, "Forget about you? Never." You raised an eyebrow, and he took your hands in his. "I promise. Let me prove it to you." And then he leaned in, connecting your lips.

How ironic, your first kiss was your last.

"Is it over?"

Usopp glanced over your shoulder at the far end of the ship, stepping out from behind you and sighing in relief when he saw you were not being chased by the Marines anymore.

You chuckled, leaning against the railing, "That was fun, actually."

"Fun?! You and I have very different ideas of fun..."

Nami snorted, agreeing with you, "And you have no idea of fun."

As the sharpshooter protested, you looked up at your captain, who was sitting on his favourite seat - Merry's figurehead. He was sniffing the air, looking both confused and curious.

"Something wrong, captain?"

"I smell food," was his reply.

You grinned at that, not taking him seriously. Luffy could smell food - more specifically, meat - from oceans away. Most likely, there was another pirate ship passing by where someone was cooking.

That's what the crew needed. A cook. You had worked at a restaurant before, but only as a waitress. You knew a little bit about cooking, but just the basics. Nothing fancy or exquisite. So it would be nice for the crew to have someone who could cook elaborate and tasty meals.

"What is that?" You heard Usopp ask, peering into the distance.

You turned to see what he was talking about, and immediately froze. Every vein and artery in your body turned to ice, blood running cold.

"What's a Baratie?"

Oh god. Before you could stop it, dizziness washed over you and you had to grip the railing for support. Well, you tried. You would have fallen overboard if it wasn't for Zoro, who caught you before you could.

"(Name)? What's wrong?" Nami asked worriedly as the swordsman led you to sit down.

There was no way. Absolutely no way. How could you have found your way back after all these years? You might have thought you were dreaming, but your journey thus far had yielded far worse surprises so you knew you weren't.

"I, um..." You didn't know where to begin. "I..."

None of the crew had ever seen you like this before. Even Zoro's eyebrows furrowed, confusion at your sudden timidness. You weren't known for being shy, quiet or easily flustered. You were loud, tough and one of their fiercest fighters. So what could possibly be reducing you to this?

It was even worse when the Going Merry docked at the pier. The familiar aroma and atmosphere of the Baratie hit you full force, and it was making your head spin - not in a good way.

"Usopp, help her!"

You felt a hand grab your arm, and another gently placed on your back, guiding you off the ship. You were so unsteady it was scaring your crew.

But maybe you shouldn't be worried. Maybe he wouldn't remember you. Maybe he really had forgotten, despite his promise not to. You had changed a lot, after all. You never forgot, but you knew him. His gravitation towards pretty girls might have left you in the dust in his mind.

Despite part of you hoping that would be the case, your stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought.

Sitting down at the table you and the others were escorted to helped put you at ease a little. As the others looked around in awe, Nami put a hand on your arm and met your eyes with concern shining in hers.

"Do you want to leave, (Name)?"

"No, no, I..." You took a deep breath. "I used to work here."

"What?" Nami's eyes widened.

"Cool!" Luffy exclaimed. "So you know people here?"

"I...do."

Nami was about to ask for a better explanation, that is until two guys at a table nearby started arguing and got up to physically fight. Another man approached them, and your heart almost stopped.

Sanji.

You ducked under the table quickly hoping he hadn't seen you. Staring at Zoro's swords was more appealing than facing your past right now.

"(Name)! What-"

You cut Nami off when you saw his legs moving towards your table, "Act like I'm not here! Hide me, please! I'll explain later, I promise. Just don't let him see me!"

"Don't worry, I don't bite," came the cook's familiar voice, sounding amused. "Your shy friend there can rest easy."

With a sigh, you slowly sat up and finally looked at the blond. Your eyes met, and his entire body went rigid. His smile faltered, and you quickly dropped your gaze to the table.

Zoro was first to break the silence, ordering for himself and soon Usopp and Luffy chimed in. You still hung your head, remaining silent as Sanji took their orders. He was so stunned by your return that his attempt at flirting with Nami failed miserably, earning snickers from the swordsman and sharpshooter.

"I need the bathroom," you muttered, escaping the table that suddenly seemed claustrophobic and rushing off.

Outside the Baratie, you tried to steady your breathing. You had not been ready for this at all. Your hands were shaking, your body trembling but not from the cold.

You cursed, running a hand through your hair. Trying to calm yourself down was not working at all. You didn't trust yourself to go back inside, to face both him and your crew again. Maybe you could get away with staying out here all night. You weren't that hungry anyway.

"Is it everything it's cracked up to be?"

Your body stiffened, and you refused to tear your eyes away from the Going Merry. This could not be happening.

"Is-is what everything it's cracked up to be?"

You tried to sound calm, collected, and like you were not internally freaking out. You failed significantly, your voice coming out a little higher in pitch than it normally did. The cook stepped up to stand next to you, and he smelled so familiar your body seemed to relax on its own. But your mind and heart were racing at a million miles per hour, the latter ready to burst out and make a run for it.

"Come on, one look and you decide to run away?" He teased. "Am I uglier than I used to be?"

"No, god no," you breathed out instantly, "I just..."

"I get it. It's been a while."

You nodded, slowly feeling calm settle in again, "Yeah. It has." You swallowed thickly and turned to look at him, trying to ignore how he made you feel butterflies all over again. "You're even more attractive, just by the way."

"Good to know," he replied smugly, "So are you."

God the butterflies were unbearable. You were starting to feel nauseous from your mixed emotions, and you weren't sure whether to run away again or pass out.

"I don't blame you, you know. For leaving." He sighed. "You were the braver one between us, setting off to follow your dream. I'm really glad you did, because you look great. Happy, even."

"Really?" You choked out a laugh. "What part of me right now screams happy?"

"Okay, maybe I'm just assuming that," he laughed too, "I saw what a good crew you have, so I thought that they were making you happy. Happier than you were here, anyway." He looked out at the water, glittering under the light of the moon.

"They do make me happy," you admitted, "But Sanji...I was happy here too. You always made sure of that. I just...I always wished I could have both. You and the sea. I never stopped thinking about you."

"Oh?" He turned to smile at you, "No roguish pirates stole your heart?"

"No, it was only ever a flirty cook."

The two of you shared a laugh, reminding you of when you were both younger and he would always try to make you laugh. It's why you'd fallen in love with him.

"i could say the same," he finally admitted, making your heart skip a beat. "This restaurant's seen many pretty women, but none of them have ever held a candle to you." A light blush, so light that you couldn't see it and he was glad, settled on his cheeks. "I saw you in every single one of them."

You gripped the railing hard, his words taking you off guard. They were the sweetest and most romantic words you'd ever heard, and you had to your best not to squeal and kick your feet like a teenage girl.

But you couldn't let yourself fall into this routine again. You were still a pirate, this was a temporary stop and you'd still leave again. And he'd stay, like he always did, like he did the first time you left.

The first tear that fell barely made a splash in the water.

'I'm gonna go," you gestured to the inside of the restaurant. "Before they wonder where I've gone."

And as he watched you walk away from him again, Sanji mentally kicked himself for not asking you to stay again. No, for not going with you. there was no way you'd stay after getting a taste of your dream.

It was just not meant to be.

The rest of the night you hid from him. Every time he would try and talk to you again, you made an excuse or every time you spotted him nearby you slunk into the crowd at the bar and disappeared from his view.

He found it cute how he could still fluster you so easily. Chuckling every time you not-so-discreetly hid behind a random person, he would give up and move away only to try again minutes later.

"You're hiding from me," he finally caught you at the bar, getting more drinks. There were only so many times you could avoid him.

"N-no," you stammered, blushing. "What gives you that idea?"

He raised an eyebrow, asking for a drink for himself, "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to stay. I already know that answer."

You bit your lip, taking a deep breath, "Kiss me again."

"What?" Surprisingly, he was taken aback by how forward you were about it. "(Name)-"

"Please," you begged, "Just once more. I have a feeling this time I really won't be coming back here. We're heading for the Grand Line, so...if this is the last time I'm going to see you, I want us to say goodbye with a kiss."

He was so conflicted. On one hand, he would never turn down an opportunity to kiss you. On the other...he would be setting himself - and you - up for heartbreak all over again. But if you were really going where you said you were...

His hands found your waist and tugged you to his body, his lips crashing against yours with the force of a heavy tide. He kissed you deeply, fervently, like it was your last day on earth. He kissed you like the world was ending, like he'd never get to kiss anyone ever again. Not that he'd want to, after this. Because you returned his passion, hand gripping his hair and one gripping his shirt. You kissed him so fiercely, it was truly a kiss to remember.

"Be careful," was all he could breathe out when you pulled apart for air.

"I will."

Then the fight with Arlong happened.

You felt a thousand different emotions course through you. Anger, for Mihawk and Arlong hurting Zoro and Luffy, and for Nami's betrayal. Hurt, for Nami not being the friend you thought she was. Sadness, for watching Zoro lay almost lifeless on the kitchen table as Zeff tended to his deep gash. Confusion, for how fast the night had gone wrong.

What had happened?

"He'll be okay."

You looked up at Sanji as he approached you, not noticing you were shaking until he reached out to touch your arm, trying to comfort you without getting too close.

You took a shaky breath, "Of course he will. He's the strongest person I know." You looked down again. "But he's never been hurt that badly before...And Nami's gone..." You buried your face in your hands. "Everything is so wrong right now."

Sanji was again conflicted, but he hated seeing you so torn up so he put aside his own feelings to pull you into his arms, comforting you silently with a hug. It was more soothing than anything you'd ever known, especially since it was coming from him. You had no idea how you'd cope with leaving him again, after all of this.

"Thanks," you smiled softly as you pulled away. "It was really nice to see you again." Your cheeks heat up at the memory of your shared kiss. "I'm gonna miss you even more now."

He just smiled tightly, putting his hands in his pockets, "Yeah, me too. I, uh, I should go help the old man clean up."

You nodded, watching him walk away. It hurt now, but it hurt even more knowing he would eventually move on since you wouldn't be back, and the thought of him with someone else crushed you. Little did you know, he was having the same dilemma, the idea of you with another man making him sick to his stomach.

But you'd both have to learn to live with it.

The next morning, Zoro was still in a coma but the four of you - him, you, Usopp and Luffy - were preparing to leave the Baratie. You offered to sit with Zoro as they prepped the Going Merry for departure, not sure you could see Sanji standing and watching you go.

"I really need you to wake up and knock some sense into me," you spoke to the comatose swordsman, wiping your teary eyes. "You're the only one who won't treat me like a fragile flower, even though I feel like it."

Before you could say more, however, Luffy joined you. He said his own piece to the swordsman, and the two of you sat there for a while before you decided to let him have a private moment with the green-haired man.

You walked to the kitchen, taking a seat and a deep breath.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Usopp sat across from you. "I know how you feel."

"Oh, right," you remembered, "Yeah, it really sucks. I had to leave once before, but this time hurts even more."

Before Usopp could reply, Luffy was yelling for the two of you.

"(Name)! Usopp! Zoro's awake!"

The two of you exchanged looks before scrambling up and to the room, bright and relieved smiles crossing your faces when you saw the swordsman's open eyes.

"I can still knock some sense into you," he spoke, his voice thick and raspy. So was the chuckle that followed.

You laughed and rushed over to hug him, careful of his huge wound. His 'knock' turned out to be a light bonk on your head, making you laugh even more.

A little while later, he was up and about, but you made him sit down. You finally got the courage to come out as the ship was just about to be sent off, and in time to see a familiar cook walk on board with a bag hanging from his shoulder.

"Why are we bringing the waiter?" Zoro questioned, only for you to lightly smack his arm.

"I figured I could follow two dreams at once," Sanji started, moving closer with a warm smile, "Finding the All Blue and...you." He stopped just in front of you. "The old man gave me the push I needed."

You teared up again, this time out of joy, and smiled so brightly your face would hurt afterwards, "Welcome aboard."

Then you wrapped your arms around him and kissed him again, this time slower and sweeter since you would have many other opportunities to kiss him again now. Zoro groaned, but the two of you ignored him.

"Okay (Name), you can no longer relate to me," Usopp huffed.

That made you laugh, and you had to pull away from the kiss to do so. Even Sanji grinned, his hands finding your back and rubbing soothing circles onto it.

After a very emotional goodbye to Zeff, Sanji watched the Baratie fade into the distance before joining you at the front, wrapping his arms around you from behind and earning a smile from you. He matched it as he kissed your cheek.

"Now this feels right."

"Agreed."

"I can't wait to see what this adventure has in store for us."

#one piece #op #one piece x reader #one piece x you #sanji x reader #sanji x you #vinsmoke sanji

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gurggggleburgle · 2 months ago

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As funny as it is to talk about Airplane meme speeching in front of Cucumber bro and being cringe and fail with modern slang a part of me stops and goes:

This man has basically lived an entire second life free from a context where that sort of linguistical expression exists in any real meaningful capacity. Which makes me wonder how much context does Shang Qinghua remember towards any of the slang he says on a regular basis. Like 30ish years is a long time to go without other people to reaffirm you're remembering something correctly. I don't know about you, but I barely remember memes from and slang from high school until someone brings them up, let alone when I was 10. So I am left wondering how much modern vernacular Airplane actually has floating around in his head. How much is from the system specifically saying things? How much is just stuff that made it's way into his novel just by accepted textual dialogue? How much is things he remembers and has held onto.

Does he even remember pokemon? Would he even remember how to use his phone? The system gave him the option to go home but just... would he even know how to function in that space if he did wake up post coma or whatever in it. Is talking to Cucumber bro sometimes overwhelming because man will just start saying stuff at him and just doesn't remember what it means? Or does he have just so much stuff he's forgotten hit him all at once in this terrifying and overwhelming way that leaves him floored? Does he even remember what poggers mean? How much of Airplane is just Shang Qinghua ship of theseused to himself. Where does the break between who he was before and who he is now begin? Does he even rasterize?!! Is Twitter just a vague floating concept that he only has feelings towards?? Could he even tell you what modern music sounds like anymore??

And for Cucumber Bro does he actually have a problem where the slang and expressions that have come to exist in the PIDW world organically simply because of language leave him talking in a weirdly out of touch and formal way that only adds to his old man points? Like does Shang Qinghua say some very specific equivalent of 'rizzing it up' or whatever like ' thats like flower picking on the first date, hell of a move. We'll see how that plays out for you' and Shen Qingqiu starts math guessing what it means. Does he just miss out on small folk actions and fairy tales everyone knows or understands and end up sounding like an idiot or just extremely rich and out of touch. Like sure you know white snake, but what do you mean you don't know The Begger Boy and The red and white Hermit Crab? Everyone knows that! It's asking for what you assume is a classical dish that's been around forever so obviously would make it into the setting but actually this dish was invented in the late 1900s/2000s and therefore doesn't exist and everyone is looking at you like you're insane?

Do the two ever just sit there being absolutely confused at what the other is saying because they're just so unsure how to handle shit? Not in a sad way but in a I refuse to admit that I am confused way.

#svsss #scumbag system #svsss shitpost #shang qinghua #scum villain self saving system #scum villain #cumplane #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #sqq #potentially the middle finger doesnt exist and thats very funny #like imagine being a hater and suddenly you dont have the lingo to sick burn anyone with server specific quips

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rotisserory · 2 months ago

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Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.' They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever – is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?”

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial:

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth.

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over – it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships.

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

#honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #aventurine #hsr #bpd #borderline personality disorder #analysis #character analysis

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mins-fins · 9 months ago

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★̲ YOU HAVE ONE NEW VOICEMAIL FROM . . . 나재민 !

SEPTEMBER 9, 00:22 AM

HI BABY!! okay um before you purge me and murder my entire family i'm sorry for not calling you yesterday.. it was after the first show and i was exhausted but anyway, how was the concert? did you enjoy it? do you think i did well? do you—[a small shout is heard from behind him] I AM NOT "WHIPPED" SHUT UP! ignore chenle he doesn't know what he's talking about, is it bad that i love my dear partner so much? he's just sad and lonely—AM NOT!— ARE TOO! STOP YELLING AT ME!! you're gonna come tomorrow right? if work doesn't keep you in that is, god i hate your job, and i miss you, i miss you so bad, it's going to be hard to do this when international tour dates start, all we have connecting us is some stupid phone..[another shout is heard from behind him] OKAY FINE! it's too late, we have to wake up early tomorrow, alright bye i love you! sleep well!

NOVEMBER 23, 22:45 PM

haechan totally tried to trip me on stage today, that little shit..anyway, hi baby!! sorry for the like— two calls every week but it's been so hard to find alone time for myself these days, i really like japan though, we should come here sometime for a trip! just me and you, maybe on one of my breaks, if i can even get one. i miss you, having jeno as company is beginning to get boring, i mean, i love jeno obviously but i see him every single day!! i'm literally about to go insane without you here, i'm about to pay for your flight here and make up some excuse to your manager about a family issue or something.. will they even believe that? i don't care, it's been a while since we went anywhere together, just the two of us, also, did i tell you your mom called me? apparently she really liked our performance, she called me to tell me about it!! anyway um, i have no time left, hope you have a good night, i love you!!

NOVEMBER 26, 02:09 AM

jeno snores way too loudly, so no sleep for me, and he also complains so much about everything so now i have to whisper for this, but anyway, i know you're probably asleep as well so it doesn't matter if i send this cause you'll see it in the morning but i don't care! whoops, right, whispering. i can't believe that you can't come to the shows, it's all sooooo boring without you. i always search for you in the audience but then i don't see you and i get upset, you being in the crowd would make everything much better, hopefully you can at find time to get here before the final japanese show this year.. is this corny? i don't think so, i just— i miss you, i say that all the time but i do, a lot. um yeah that's all, i should probably sleep now, i love you!

DECEMBER 2, 21:37 PM

I KNEW YOU HAD SOME STUPID PLAN! i can't believe i didn't even notice you sneaking up on me that was….. i can't start, i'll go on and on forever. how did you even get backstage? did you talk to mark or something? i don't know i guess i'm just— i'm just very surprised, you didn't even tell me anything! i'm not going to lie.. it was such a smart plan, i'm glad you were able to make it, seeing you again was so nice i almost cried having to let go of you, and yeah i tried to contain myself in front of the members but i couldn't, they had to get it though! because when you're partner is right there you can't just stand there and be normal, i did mean to trap you in that hug! god being able to wrap my arms around you again was so nice, you give such good hugs you know? i know you won't be here for long but let's make the most of our time together okay? i'm happy you're here, alright i have to go now, good night, i love you.

DECEMBER 10, 09:30 AM

hi hi!! happy to say that i will be back soon! don't be surprised if i just randomly show up in your house one day, world famous idol na jaemin in your kitchen, making himself some coffee, you might have a heart attack, i hope i don't scare you again, not like that one time after hot sauce promotions ended.. your face was hilarious, i'm sorry for that one baby, i was really just trying to surprise you.. anyway, tour picks back up in february, so we have time to be idiots and go on stupid dates, get chased down by the staff.. okay maybe not that, the last time they almost caught us was funny though. alright um— just wanted to tell you i'll be back soon! i'll make sure to pass by a convenience store and get you ice cream, and yes i'll remember to get cookie dough this time, still not sure what you have against strawberry..alright that's it! i'll see you soon, i love you!!

#na jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream drabbles #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x reader #jaemin imagines #jaemin drabbles #jaemin scenarios #jaemin x reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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nightcolorz · 6 months ago

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Going to vent to you because this seems like a safe space for Armand sympathizers lol…

LIKE obviously Armand is doing all the wrongs, he didn't have to agree to literally any of this, blah blah etc etc BUT GIRL. if the guy i had been casually dating for two years because he had great benefits one day revealed to me that he was a child sex slave, the thing i would not do is be like 'wow, i guess what you're secretly saying is you want me to turn our relationship into an unnegotiated 24/7 TPE huh'.

And then when he came to me in a panic to tell me his life is falling apart and his employees are plotting to kill him and his protection isn't going to last much longer and i should flee the country for my own safety because he's the most vulnerable he's ever been since the time he was abducted by the crazy torture cult, the thing i absolutely would not do at that moment is surprise him by introducing that dynamic into our relationship completely out of nowhere and then order him to stay right here because I've got a totally cool plan to outmanipulate his enemies and I'll be his master now :)

And then I orchestrate a series of hot public encounters where i blur the lines of being angry and disgusted with him right up against ignoring the boundaries he sets and telling him to do whatever i want wherever i want. and because i never bothered to ask him, i don't know if he's genuinely into it or if it's because i've weaponised his trauma when he's feeling unstable, but like, he's the one who manipulated me into doing this anyway by telling me his sad backstory, so actually i'm the victim here??

AND THEN when I tell him my awesome idea of turning a nazi collaborator into a human eating monster machine and I want him to do it even though he is clearly revulsed by this idea from every angle, I'll berate him endlessly for refusing and be annoyed with him because by saying no he's making me turn her and that's not cool bro, and when he begs me not to do it, or at least not to tell him because it's breaking the rules and he's vulnerable to the machinations of the coven rn, I'll shut him up with my dom routine, and then tell him to come watch because he'll realize he does actually want it after he does it.

and when he asks me whether this is a genuine invitation in this moment or if I'm ordering him to do it and will be upset if he doesn't, I'll be so hurt and angry with him because wow, I can't believe after months of using my nonconsensual game of acting like his childhood master to get him to do things for me, he's acting like I'd use my nonconsensual game of pretending to be his childhood master against him, fuck you for trying to manipulate me right now you worthless piece of shit </3.

like even daniel, the most neutral and ethical judge of whether it's okay to make someone a vampire, can tell the only reason he'd set his one boundary at murdering and cursing another human being for eternity is because it's not hot or convenient, and not because of 500 years of witnessing the most insane vampire maker shenanigans known to Europe.

and then the entire audience claps because honestly i'm just trying so hard and my boyfriend just keeps fucking it all up for me and taking away my choices. literally what else could i have done in this situation :(

AHHHH ANON U ATE THIS UP ‼️🙏 and Yes this is absolutely THE safe place for Armand sympathizers!! I am the Armand sympathizer king and u have just brought me an Armand sympathizer gift lined with gold and jewels and placed it in front of my thrown and I’m knighting u Armand sympathizer general as I bow before u

ur so right and it’s actually so crazy to me that this isn’t a more popular take. it’s insane to me bcus im remembering how seriously this fandom was taking Claudia’s s1 sexual assault and how sensitively it was being discussed and now these same ppl r insisting that it’s unfair to “demonize” Louis for preforming non consensual bdsm with a csa victim without any safe word or prior discussion specifically because he told him about his csa and Louis found a chance to leverage control in this relationship. I saw someone insisting that it’s ridiculous to interpret Louis as sexually exploitative for being a pimp because he was a nice pimp and he was self aware about how pimping was bad and like ??? 😭😭 how do I even argue with that, that is just so absurd I’m lost for words. No guys he was one of the good pimps because he “didnt take advantage of his position” (😭⁉️) and he knew that it was wrong to sexually exploit vulnerable women and just chose to do it anyway so see it wasn’t that bad. And because Louis knows sexual abuse is wrong and chooses to do it anyway despite this he clearly isn’t mirroring the sexual abuse Armand experienced in his non consensual power play dynamic with him because uh yeah he wouldn’t do that ig 😭. It’s not like Louis canonically is capable of using sexual exploitation to manipulate people’s vulnerabilities for his stability and gain. Like guys book Louis also felt guilty for being a slave owner and knew it was wrong 😭😭 am I gonna hear “it’s unfair to say Louis being a slave owner was indicative of his negative traits cuz he felt bad about it” come out of ur mouths 😭⁉️cuz oh my god I hope not 😭 “Louis was only a pimp because pimping was his way of keeping his family afloat and asserting the masculine identity he felt obligated to preform for his safety” and he is doing the same thing with Armand guys obviously??!! He is taking advantage of armand’s history of sexual abuse to keep himself safe from vulnerability with the coven and to assert his masculine identity as a shield like 😭 and that doesn’t stop what he’s doing from being wrong like no fucking shit. He’s a complex character and his actions come from a place of fear and not straight forward evil, but that doesn’t mean u have to defend literal sexual abuse to analyze that and to enjoy Louis as ur favorite character 😭 I keep saying this but louis is a great character and there’s nothing wrong with him being ur fav but it is pretty mf weird to insist that everything he does is ok when things that he do include like, non consent 😭

I feel ur annoyances so hard anon, it’s driving me a lil crazy rn cuz in s2 ep6’s wake i have barely seen anyone discuss the Louis fucking Armand in the coffin scene like it was pretty shitty and abusive and not like, non complexly hot and fun and nothing else. Like, Armand has been panicking for a while and insisting to Louis that he is loosing respect from the coven and therefore his control and he’s in danger because of it, and Louis decides to stroll into Armand’s office unannounced, demand he strip for him immediately, demand again without any room for argument when Armand says he can’t, and then fuck Armand in view and ear shot of the whole coven in a degrading power assertion that Louis knows will put Armand in even more of a vulnerable and compromising position, like ?? I get it read the pages to me while I fuck u was pretty hot but omg can we talk about this with some nuance 😭⁉️ this is possibly the most overt instance of Louis not asking, *demanding* that Armand sexually submit and preform for him specifically as a grab to assert dominance over the coven. And Armand of course won’t say no, he’s been quite literally trained to believe that he has services that people r entitled to take from him at any time because he’s a product to be used. He also believes that saying no is not an option because submitting to the master will keep him safe, and Louis I think knows this to an extent and knows that taking advantage of this will help him stay afloat. I believe that this scene was a significant contributor to Armand deciding to betray Louis, because Louis’s actions *do* put him in danger with the coven and cause him to loose his position of power (Santiago mocking him for getting fucked by Louis cough cough). And Armand at this point is realizing, I can choose to be in a relationship with Louis that is causing my sense of stability and safety to fall apart, or I can choose to regain my position of power by forgoing Louis and getting to retain my safety. When u think about it like that it makes perfect sense for him to do that 😭 and I’m tired of seeing takes treating Armand like he’s a sneaky little snake and not a cornered animal

on the subject of Daniel because u mentioned him at the end there, oh my god it has pissed me off since the beginning how a lot of people act like Daniel is the embodiment of the neutral, unbiased correct word of god figure who is just telling the audience how it really is. Like?? No??? 😭😭 Daniel is a shitty journalist and a shitty person, he’s borderline racist and ignorant, he is not looking to expand his perspective or approach his subjects with any empathy or nuance because he decided going in that he hates them and they r bad, which is like?? Defeats the entire purpose of the affective journalism that he is trying to preform 😭😭 He is NOT the guy u should be getting ur takes from, he is a character like any other, he is not a source for correct analysis or meta or unfiltered truth.

But anyways lol, not to be personal and vulnerable in the gay vampire sex tv show post but it’s rlly disheartening for me to witness this blatant excusing and downplaying of a sexually abusive dynamic as someone who has experienced a very similar type of “but was it technicallyyy non consensual though..?” Sexual abuse. Like guys pls 😭🙏 I thought that “bdsm dynamic that merges with actual, genuine grabs for control and blurs the line between fun sex and real demands or anger” was like considered unambiguously bad? 😭 There asses do NOT have a safe word. In conclusion anon u r everything to me and everyone else um USE UR BRAIN🔥🔥🔥🔥

thank u sm for the ask OMGG ur so well spoken and correct and I enjoyed reading ur ask so so much

#armand #iwtv #interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv spoilers #iwtv s2 #iwtv amc #iwtv season 2 #daniel molloy #the vampire armand #Loumand #louis de pointe du lac #amc interview with the vampire #sa tw

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kitkats-and-kittens · 7 months ago

Text

I know stan culture is a huge part of fandom and while yes, sometimes I find it annoying it doesn’t really hurt anyone, so I find it okay.

That said I need words with Percy Jackson and Tim Drake stans, because I am sick and tired 😭😭.

I was scrolling through the Will Solace tag because he is my baby and I will defend him for life and obviously as consequence I see a lot of artwork about the battle of Manhattan and all the angst that comes along with it.

I don’t usually see people blaming Percy for Michael’s death which is fine cause it absolutely wasn’t Percy’s fault, even if I personally don’t believe a 12 year old would be mature enough to see it that way.

Still, I saw a post talking about how sad it was that Will got dragged away to heal Annabeth and couldn’t help the Apollo Cabin search for his bother. It was mostly going into detail about how he might feel responsible for not being there when most of his siblings died.

And I thought wow, that’s really angsty and then I went to the comments and the first thing I saw was a Percy Jackson fan saying it’s not Percy’s fault and Will should get over it because it’s war and shit happens.

Like hello? That is a 12 year old??? No one’s saying it was Percy’s fault, but how the hell do you expect a literal 12 year old to get over his brothers death seconds after it happened?!?!

And again in Dc comics.

This happens way too often, but specially in that one scene where Damian finds out Tim has him on like this hit list-contingency plan thing and obviously he gets upset, because he sees it as Tim still punishing him over something he is trying really hard to redeem himself for.

And then I look at the comments and someone’s going.

Well Damian shouldn’t be upset, his actions have consequences and he was the one that broke into Tim’s computer. He shouldn’t get mad.

He’s 10???? Have you met children? Have you met a 10 year old?? They call you names and bully you but the moment you turn it back on them they start crying. Why? Cause they’re 10!

I don’t understand the disconnect some people have when trying to understand children. Like hasn’t everybody been a child? They aren’t mature enough to handle big emotions and nuanced situations cause they don’t have a frontal lobe yet.

I really don’t understand how anyone can get mad at the child character for not being ‘mature enough’ to handle a situation and it drives me insane.

#percy jackson #batfam #damian wayne #apollo #pjo #dc #will solace #tim drake #a bit of a rant #anti stans #these are children? please

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laura1633 · 6 months ago

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Laura please tell me you understands my pain 😭

I know that the collison today was Max's fault. BUT I am crying over the fact, that everybody ignore Lando's insanely desperate and dangerous driving and divebombing! It's obvious that was the cause ofthe collison from Max's part. I hate that people behave like Lando is a saint and Lando behaves like a victim! Crying like a little child and not takes responsibility AGAIN at all! (Like in Spain)

While Max give the interviewers mature answers. And they still say that crashstappen is back, and he went back to his immature self like when HE WAS LITERALLY A TEENAGER!! I can't put up with these people anymore! 😭

They will never acknowledge that he is a grown up mature man now and won 3 championship because he HAS talent...

And for the last note, I am so sad for their friendship 🥺 after what Lando said he seems like such a fake friend and I hate it…

Thank you for reading my rambling 🫠

-🦦

Anon I am with you about the whole Lando being portrayed as an innocent victim and it is the thing that has annoyed me most about the whole outcome of the race. I should say that I am British so I am faced with British media which probably doesn't help!

I'm going to put the rest under the cut so Lando fans can ignore this. I am also going to go on a massive ramble so I do apologise 😂

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I think it goes as far back as the end of last year. Lando obviously had a pretty decent car towards the end of 2023, particularly at some tracks. There was a lot of talk about him not battling Max enough and letting Max go by because they were "friends". What struck me was how Lando then seemed to be quite defensive whenever someone mentioned his and Max's friendship. I think in part it was because he had seen the criticisms online about how he didn't defend hard enough and wanted to distance himself from the whole friendship thing. I didn't really like the way he spoke about Max BUT I know that friends have their own way of communicating so its up to them, they are both grown men. To me though it felt like he was almost embarrassed to say he was Max's friend which I thought was strange.

Fast forward to this year and now Lando has the fastest car but doesn't have the experience or, in my opinion, the skill Max has. Max is a three time world champion and you don't win multiple world championships by accident or by being a pushover. I think Lando is getting frustrated and this can then result in desperate moves being made. He would have been much better biding his time today. Maybe this is a part of his race craft he will develop given he is now fighting at the front regularly.

Today Lando was absolutely not an innocent victim against an aggressive Max Verstappen and I hate that that has even become a narrative. It is why I did not care for Lando's comments straight after the race as he really did play up to the "Max is aggressive" idea. To me his comments were immature. I can accept that he was angry and still probably full of adrenaline but it will just fuel all those so called fans who love to hate on Max.

The crashstappen nickname is absolutely ridiculous. Max came into F1 when he was 17, he was learning on the job. I also think that if you did a deep dive into his results and collisions over his whole career the nickname would be completely unwarranted. When you go wheel to wheel you will sometimes have collisions, it happens to literally all the drivers but for some reason Max gets absolutely destroyed for it.

Max has been unfairly portrayed by the media and certain groups of fans his whole career. Honestly there are times I wish he would just move to WEC or something because some of these F1 "fans" that can't deal with racing do not deserve him.

Max this season has been mature and respectful. He congratulated Lando in Miami and when asked about the unfortunate timing of the safety car he never started complaining that he would have won without it. His post race interview today was so mature. Max has so often stuck up for other drivers and I truly wish he would start receiving the same respect back, especially from people who are meant to be his friend. Perhaps once things have cooled down it will be different but if you can't put up with tough races then you are not ready for a championship battle.

In terms of dealing with it as a fan, I will say that it's fine to get angry and upset and then it's good to take a step back and reset because otherwise it can be too stressful. In term of Max, he is healthy and successful and has people who love him so he will be just fine. He will also go down as one of the greatest drivers of all time.

#laura1633 asks

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laugtherhyena · 6 months ago

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Out of curiosity, Are you able to talk about all the characters in Danganronpa Another and what you do and don't like about them?

And out of curiosity, what is your opinion on the creator?

Be ready for a lot of rambling anon because you just opened the floodgates here.

Ok so first and foremost, I don't really feel much towards Linuj himself? That's sorta of a me thing where i tend to not care much about the creators of stuff i like so you'll never see me go like "wow i love this person they're fucking awesome" or "Goddamn that guy sucks" (unless said creator has done something genuinely awful, in that case obviously I'd dislike them) at most you see me go "that's wild" or complain about writing decisions and that's about it, none of that makes me inclined towards liking or disliking Linuj as a person. Tho as much as i rant about his games i gotta give credit where credit is due, the dude manages to make two whole games prey much all by himself and I respect that honestly.

Onto the opinions on the charcters, I'll just be doing the Dra folks because it's been years since i last went through Sdra2 and since I don't like that game nearly as much as a the first one i feel like whatever I've got to say about the characters would be really shallow in comparison to the first game's cast and that's like,, not fair? In my head?So yeah, sorry Sdra2 fans, maybe some other time.

Kiyoka Maki

Kiyoka is a character i genuinely love a lot because she feels like the most perfect execution of a first victim character in a Danganronpa type game, so much so that i am genuinely appalled that Linuj just randomly decided to pick her as the first victim like, what?? She fits that role so perfect that it genuinely feels as if she was created with the idea of being the first victim in mind rather than creating the character and only assigning the role later, from her personality, to character traits and even down to her design, everything works so well together that it's insane for me to think that he created the pinnacle of first victim characters pretty much accidentally.

Regardless, the way she was written and inserted into the story never fails to amaze me but i already went into more details about that here so go check that out cuz now i wanna take this time to talk about her as a standalone character instead of just her role in the story.

Because really, Kiyoka is such a funny character! She's just this silly girl that wants to chill out and hang out with her besties but she could also shoot you square in the face from several feet away. That immense discrepancy between her talent and personality is something i always found absolutely hilarious, tho if there's one thing i dislike about her is that i wish Linuj would have explained how she got into spining in the first place? Since it's such an out there talent that Kiyoka herself doesn't even like that I can't help but wonder how that happened. Not in a "the character NEEDED this" way, I'm just genuinely curious and I'd love to know how she got herself into that pickle.

Her interaction with everyone else in the cast are delight too, i love thinking about her and the sunshine trio going around and getting into stupid shenanigans and i think Linuj did a fantastic job writtring her and Ryutaro's relationship, it's a very realistic portrayal of sibling relationship which makes me really sad whenever i think back to ch6.5 and how Ryutaro will never be able to apologize to his sister. Fun fact! The ending segment of that chapter where we see him at Kiyoka's grave was the first time I've ever cried over anything that happened in these games.

Mitsuhiro Higa

Higa is in this weird spot where I don't dislike him but I don't like like him either, it's this limbo area where I'm way too indifferent to actively dislike him so he just exists there and I don't think about him like ever and that's pretty much it.

Seriously, it's hard for me to even think about way to say in terms of likes and dislikes when it comes to him because i just. Don't think about Higa-

One thing that sorta bothers me about him is how Linuj tried to make him a bit "heroic" in that one flashbacks sequence we see in Ch6 that shows how the class was captured. It's just comes out of nowhere and it's so jarring considering not even his FTEs try to paint Higa in a nicer light. It's also really weird to me how Kizuna, the other awful person in a similar vein as Higa, didn't got any of that treatment which is just,, off.

Kizuna Tomori

And speak of the devil! Kizuna Tomori my beloved, they could never make me hate you❤️

I actually got this question about Kizuna specifically a while ago, so go read that post so that I won have to repeat myself here.

Ayame Hatano

Do you guys know Dungeon meshi? Have you ever seen people talk about how they've improved their eating habits or are generally eating and cooking more often because of how much they like Senshi, whose main character traits revolve around proper nutrition and cooking? That's literally me but exercising frequently out of how much i love Ayame.

Honestly? I feel a little embarrassed getting to talk about my liking for her like this because this is a character that's only around for like 1/3 of the game at most? If you count flashbacks scenes and extra materials like the FTEs and the IF chapter. At the end of the day Ayame is by no means an incredibly complex character so I'm not here to ramble about how she's actually really a deep and intricately constructed character and you guys just don't see it because ultimately, she isn't.

The older i get the more i realize that this is the sort of character i tend to gravitate towards in any media i consume. Very rarely do i ever become this attached to characters who are super intricate and complex, let alone main characters, i feel like even simpler characters like Ayame who has pretty normal life in comparison to others from the cast and not a lot of crazy stuff going on in her backstory have things going for that the casual fan may not notice but are absolutely worth looking into.

And it's crazy because i like quite literally everything about Ayame from her character to her design, in fact, it was her design that initially brought my attention to her because Ayame's hair is one of my favorite hairstyles to see in any character design ever (specifically the little spiky parts on the side that stick up a little) so that immediately made me like this character a bit before i even knew anything about the game other than the death order and that it came before Sdra2. And for real, i think Ayame's design is really good, simple yet solid much like the character herself honestly.

While Ayame was always amongst one of my favorites characters from Dra, I was much more into Sdra2 back when i first got into the series so for a good while my liking for her wasn't as imense as it is nowadays, but it was definitely more than i liked any other character in the first game though i could never quite place my finger on why i liked her so damn much. It was only when i got back into the another series years later that i was hit with a wave of emotions as i remembered how much i adored this character and looking into her again with a better understanding of things made me finally piece together what made me love her so dearly. Spoiler alert, it went much beyond my dumb teenage self pointing at the phone screen and going like “she's just like me fr‼️” to the point that nowadays i really don't relate to Ayame as much as i used to back then, i guess a good term to describe her would be a comfort character of mine but that doesn't feel that right to me either? I think this level of attachment to a fictional character goes beyond that like she has a special place in my heart and I think by now I've rewatched Ch2 more than any other person in this fandom-

I think what i love the most about this character is the inherent contrast within her, one so prominent that it goes as far as blending into her sprites and expressions, she appears as a serious and maybe even a little intimidating person upon first impressions with Yuki and while those are indeed parts of her Ayame is also a caring girl with a huge heart she's just a little awkward.

She struggles quite often when it comes to communicating and socializing with her peers but i cannot stress enough just how much Ayame cares for her classmates even though she's not the best at showing that, and don't mean just Akane (though she's by far the person she was the closest to). In the Ch2 post trial we learn that Ayame had actually been affected pretty heavily by the first motive video the cast was given yet she kept it to herself which when taking into account how she wishes for the rest of the class to get along as she's leaving for her execution reads to me as Ayame genuinely caring for the others as well to the point she wanted them to see her as strong so that they could also remain strong amidst the despair, and if that isn't enough to show her care then just look at the fact that this girl went as far as reopening an old wound on her leg, one that brought her so much pain and despair in the past, as a means of apology to all of them in case she managed to win the class trial (+ i personally believe this was also a self inflicted punishment for killing Kizuna since Ayame is well aware that she could have tried to save her instead of leaving her to bleed out with a knife on her neck, but that's more on the interpretation side than in-game implications.)

And this is where the nuance of this character comes in because while Ayame is a good person at heart, and a courageous and determined one at that, she's not beyond being cruel and getting her hands dirty in order to protect those she loves, but amidst this desire there's also a heap of selfishness in her acts that Ayame herself admits in the post trial as being the reason why she didn't just admit she was the killer from the start. She killed to spare Akane's life from an unavoidable execution but at the same time she wasn't free from the urge to take that as a chance to leave hope's peak academy herself and that's just,, ough man i love when characters can be brutal yet kind, selfless and selfish at the same time and i think this conflicting aspect of hers is what truly makes this character special.

So much so that i feel like if you just look at chapter 2’s case purely from a “clean” perspective where Ayame wanted to save Akane and there's not much more to that then you're missing out on the most interesting aspect of both the trial and her character and if that's as deep as most viewers tend to interpret her actions then it's no wonder why she's commonly deemed not very memorable and tends to be reduced to her relationship with Akane.

Yes, what she did was noble and it truly showed just how much she cared for Akane when she was willing to give up her own life and dreams for the future if it meant sparing her from a terrible fate, but you can't just gloss over the fact that at the same time Ayame had the selfish desire to use that as an opportunity to escape, and most importantly in my opinion we shouldn't ignore the fact that this sacrifice came in the form or brutally murdering someone she had the opportunity to try saving. It's just as cruel as it is noble yet simultaneously intertwined with Ayame's own selfish desires and wow! This character makes me unwell❤️

So yeah, in conclusion i like Ayame a whole lot and i wish more people would acknowledge the fact that she's kinda of a little freak too.

Kakeru Yamaguchi

So Kakeru is a weird one, in concept i like him quite a bit! I love the gentle giant archetype and i think the idea of him switching into a more assertive and loud personality in trials is really cool, but much like Kakeru as a whole, that is pretty underutilized and results in a character that could have been so much better than what we actually got in game.

I get the feeling that Linuj didn't really know what to do with Kakeru, he had a handfuls of ideas but there was no proper execution for them and he so he was sorta just,, there for the ride. I think what bothers me the most is how dumb he is in the trials, sure, DR trials aren't at all similar to the real life ones he would have been used to going to due to his talent, but that doesn't excuse the fact that Kakeru is surprisingly dumb in both the trials he's in when he should at least be able to argue and bring more to the table than just be another one of the characters that goes "i don't get it" or says something blantantly wrong for Maeda to refute. + If he smarter than that then maybe he could have been one of the characters to oppose Tsurugi more directly, since he is a lawyer and Kinjo has his "all criminals are scum" mentality. It would have fit well in with the characters and storyline but because Kakeru is such a nothing burger that role ended up being passed to Kinji since he's one of the few smart characters in Dra.

Still, none of that makes me dislike him it's just a little disappointing and ultimately makes him one of the people I don't think about very often but he's still a pretty sweet dude who i think it's pretty silly and funny in his interaction with the others from the cast so yeah, he's neat :]

Kanata Inori

You know, Kanata wasn't a character i originally thought much about but the more i looked into her the more i started loving this character, simultaneously, i felt disapointed of how underutilized she was in the story, but I'll get into that later.

Kanata is just such a sweetheart and you can really feel how much she cares for everyone during her interactions with the cast during the storyline, she's also quite useful in the trials she was in seeing as she was able to perform autopsies and give Yuki information that he probably wouldn't have known otherwise which more often than not ends up being pretty decisive in figuring out who the culprit is. I also really enjoy her backstory and how Ando's kindness in working to save her life despite the borderline nonexistent chances of her making out alive inspired her in such a way that Kanata decided to pursue a medical career so she could bravely save people just like he saved her! They're one of the sweetest family relationships in this series in my opinion so much so i get so sad whenever i rewatch ch6.5 and get to the part where Ando talks about Kanata and how she's an amazing kid :(

Much like Kakeru, the one thing i dislike about this character is that she was ultimately underutilized in the story, but whereas Kakeru's came from the fact that his character is an unorganized mess of ideas, Kanata had things going for her, they just weren't shown through most of the time she was on screen for whatever reason. Seriously, why was she reduced to the emotional character who cries all the time? I get that she's very nice and cares a lot for her classmates but c'mon, she worked at a hospital she should be able to deal with the situation at least a little better instead of bawling her eyes out whenever something bad happened.

Kanata hit a yakuza member on the head in the middle of a gang fight so that she could treat him properly once, she can be fierce and assertive when the situation calls for it, so why did she never do that in the main story?? This is absolutely baffling to me because it genuinely does such a disservice to the character and can end up driving people away from learning more about, like if i wasn't writing for an AU where she was a major character during the time she was alive I don't think i would have looked deeper into this character and learned how incredible she is because the main story made me think of her as just "the emotional one who cries all the time".

I also feel like it was a missed opportunity to not have her being the one who died trying to save the other ch3 victim. Like c'mon, her backstory shows us how she can often put other's safety before her own, that would have fit so well.

Kinji Uehara

Just like Kakeru, he's also a character I don't think much about but that comes from personal preference rather than feeling as if he was underutilized in story. Kinji just isn't the kind of character i tend to pay much mind to and that's ok! I do think he's a pretty interesting character, with his deal with the orphanage and also being the traitor in the game, i also enjoy how he always made his opinions clear to everyone like when he left the group because he didn't agree with Tsurugi's way of going about things and how he stood up against him and called him out in his hypocrisy in the Ch3 post trial.

If there's one thing I don't like about Kinji's is how linuj structured his murder plan, his method are SO violent for a character who had a noble motive and wasn't just some kind of crazy serial killer. Kakeru's make sense, since he was trying to stop him as fast as he could but i just don't understand why he still went on to kill Kanata when he had already killed someone (which was all he needed to do according to his deal with Monokuma), we're never told that Kanata saw it was him who attacked her, so why did ge insist on killing her anyway? Just because he had the plan set already? A plan that was also uncharacteristically brutal for a guy like Kinji. Seriously, when i first spoiled myself of all deaths in this game i got to Ch3 and thought "oh so he's the token crazy serial killer character" and while i was happy that he wasn't that, it's jarring that he got so violent out of nowhere + his breakdown in trial also feels pretty out of character in my eyes.

Haruhiko Kobashikawa

See, Haru is a cool guy, him Satsuki and Teruya (for a good part of the game) are essentially DRA's comedic relief characters and I've always had a big soft spot for those in DR games, when my faves inevitably die really early it's there character's inclusion that keep me watching the rest of the game!.. And then they die and struggle to get myself to watch the final chapters because most of the remaining characters are people I don't care nearly as much for- (thank god Ch5 has Mikako and Teruya survived the whole game)

But the thing is, when it comes to Haru himself I don't actually have much to say about him? He reminds me a lot of Kiyoka in the sense that he's a pretty normal guy for his age with a really out there talent that he's crazy good at. I think where Haruhiko really shines is not in his actions during Ch4 (tho that was amazing too, i can totally see why this is so many people's favorite chapter/case in Dra), but in his interactions with the other character because pretty much every single one of them are just so endearing to watch, regardless he's just being a dumbass or getting into trouble, in fact! I quite enjoy how he's a little hot headed (not sure if that's the right term)? The dude stands his ground and is not afraid of getting into fights if something's bothering him a lot, tho his own shortcomings and paranoia can often get the best out of him and he'll be sorta of an asshole and makes him feel so real to me, like he's just some dumb teen bound to make mistakes in a dangerous situation like the killing game and i really like that.

If i had to think of one thing i dislike about him I'd say is how he was characterized in the Ch6 flashback segment, like, by that point him and Satsuki are a couple right? So why was he trying to hit on the random Kisaragi fundation worker? That's not necessary out of character for him, but it's really weird that he's doing that despite havinya girlfriend of her own (smh Haru, i expected better from you).

Satsuki Iranami

Satsuki isn't a character i talk about a lot but i like her a lot! Not only is she a genuinly funny character who i love seeing her interactions with pretty much anyone in the cast, but i find her relationship with her family and the way she goes about it really interesting. I think anyone who've seen Satsuki's FTEs can tell that her family is insanely abusive, creating an environment of making their kids compete and compare themselves to one another on who's the best clown and treating Satsuki like absolutely garbage since she's considered the worst of them. Hell, I'm pretty sure they only sent her to hope's peak so they could get rid of her since she was of age to attend which is just,, damn. This is a fucking awful place to grow up in.

Yet Satsuki herself isn't a sad person nor do we ever see her get really depressed and upset when talking about her family, at most she looks a little sad and, unfortunately, agrees with them that she's the worst of the clows while sticking to not crying or sulking about it, instead she goes on to keep being silly and joking around which has always striked me more as a coping mechanism instead of "Satsuki it's too stupid to realize how terrible her family situation is" because as goofy as she is i do get the feeling that she knows her situation is absolutely awful but doesn't know a great way to cope with it other than what she's already doing.

And this seeing this strange coping mechanism explains so much about the way she acts in the killing game, she keeps joking around even during trials or when faces with murder motives because she just wants to remain happy and tries to see if maybe doing so will lift up the spirits of her classmates as well. Not saying that this is by any means a healthy coping mechanism, like, no, Satsuki girl it's okay to cry and be upset over terrible things, be it her family situation or the killing game, but this is nevertheless the most fascinating aspect of this character to me.

And once you take that into accound, it makes perfect sense why she was choosen to be sorta the "hope beacon" of the cast in Ch4 because really, that's just what Satsuki's Been doing the whole game. Tho i do wish this aspect was given more of a spotlight even in Ch4 itself because on first watch (without going through her FTEs) it felt a little jarring to me how Satsuki "randomly" became really important, but i consider that more of a nippick in comparison to other things I've complained about here.

Yamato Kisaragi

Oh right, this guy! He exists in the same indifference limbo as Higa but only because I don't think about him that often (so much so i forget he exists sometimes) because whenever i do think about him he gets violently pushed onto the active dislike section. Which is really funny to me considering Yamato is the perfect and super cool genius guy of the first another game, and that's a big point on my lack of care for him. The game insists in telling us how awesome Yamato is, how all of his classmates like him and how much of a hero he was for try to save them both in the Ch6 flashback and in the IF chapter, and i think that's exactly what made me feel such insane annoyance/repulse towards this character to the point that I'll see him and just groan and roll my eyes.

He's a character the story actively wants us to like but he's just so bland and generic that this push just annoys me and i feel nothing towards him as a person, the fact that we barely see him be himself in the game doesn't help either since he died almost as soon as he's introduced and all we have are flashbacks, the other character's opinions/memories of the guy and his Ai version. And even when we do see Kisaragi be himself in the IF chapter, his role there is like,, textbook generic anime nice guy protag and i just feel?? Insane???

His bland ass is like a piece of wet cardboard to me that i see people point at and act like it's the coolest thing ever and i just look down at it in my hands and think, i don't get it. I don't see it.

And don't even get me started on how Linuj fucking side lined Mikako's role and character in favor of giving this guy the spotlight by having him come in as if he's the goddamn saving grace of the killing game and solve all the mysteries that were set and build up BY ANOTHER CHARACTER, because nooooooooooo we can't have Mikako do that, it has to be Kisaragi because he's THE. GUY. EVER. ISN'T HE JUST SO FUCKING AMAZING EVERYONE????????

This makes me. Genuinely so mad and since I'd rather not pop a vein while raging as i write this go look at this post if you wanted to see me ramble a little more on this part.

Wow, after this it's tricky for me to even think of a positive to say, uhm.. I guess his relationship with Mikako is nice? I do like how it genuinely seems like they care a lot for one another tho sometimes this care can come off the wrong way and lead to arguments between the two, like how Yamato was avoiding and being rude to Mikako during that flashback sequence i keep mentioning over and over even tho she could tell there was something wrong with him and just wanted to help. They're sweet and tragic when thinking about how they met their ends but I can't feel much on that regard seeing how many,, feelings. I have towards Yamato.

Mikako Kurokawa

You know i feel like we as a fandom don't talk enough about the horror that Mikako goes through during the killing game. She never lost her memories, she remembers these people being friends and having strong bonds with other another and she's just forced to sit there and watch as they forget everything and murder each other without knowing of what she knows, and if Mikako does as much as try to say a few words regarding what she knows her head already starts splitting into two and she'll have headaches so bad they'll make her pass out and puke blood. And that's without counting the fact that she's left completely in the dark about her brother's whereabouts through most of the game and when she does reunite with him is in the worst way possible because Yamato’s mental state is even worse than hers and he dies not long after with her being blamed for his murder. She had the worst time ever in that game and i feel like it really isn't an understatement to say she suffered through the whole thing.

And that's where Mikako's spirit really shines because despite all the pain she went through, both physical and mental, she always held onto hope and wanted to help her friends even if her options were incredibly limited. She cared for each and every single one of them to the point she even wanted to try and save Yuki and Akane even though she knew they were the masterminds because she thought that with their memories erased they could embrace hope as well and come out of that as better people, and in her very last moments she still wished to help the remaining characters and kept talking even though she knew it would kill her. That's such an insane level of courage and determination from her part that it never fails to impress me.

She's such an insane character I can't help but feel like we were robbed when she died, especially when it happened before she could unravel all the mysteries Mikako had help build up through the entirety of the game and instead we get her amazing and so cool brother doing that and getting all the spotlight instead of Mikako herself.. How nice.

But i think what bothers me the most about her death is that it was so?? Unnecessary?? Like, what did it do for her character arc? It feels like she died more because Linuj wanted her to die than because it felt fitting for the character’s journey to end where it did, and you can't tell me it wouldn't have been awesome to see her in Sdra2 and how she'd react learning that her shitty mother was one of the reason why that second killing game happened in the first place.

I explained my thoughts on Mikako's death in a nicer manner in this other post so please go check that out because I will never not be upset over her death in this game, especially when her execution ends in a way that she would have survived if she wasn't already dead by the time started.. that just felt like an unnecessary fuck you from Linuj’s part-

Akane Taira

Another character I've rambled about in the past and so don't feel like reiterating it all here (this post is getting REALLY long), so yeah, check it out but tldr, I think Akane is a really cool character and i think writing her so frequently in -2+2 has made me not only get a better understanding of her character but also like her a lot more too!

Yuki Maeda

As y'all know, Dra Yuki>>>>>>>>Sdra2 Yuki always and forever in my heart ❤️

Seriously, for someone who tends to really not give a fuck about the protagonists in DR games it genuinely surprised me how much i grew to enjoy Dra Yuki after i went through the game's full translation and realized “Woah! He isn't the same universal punching back as the Sdra2 one!” Because prior to that i was under the impression that both Yuki acted and were treated the exact same by the game's storyline and as you can probably tell I don't like Sdra2 Yuki all that much.

Dra Yuki differs because not only does the game not try to force the horrors upon him constantly but he feels very human in his actions, he's just some guy not the embodiment of good or a hope hype man so he's bound to get a little sick of this shit sometimes and make mistakes. We see this during Ch4 in his argument with Akane and also in Ch2 where he decides to break the groups trust by reading the secret note anyway which later comes back to bite him when the cast finds out, and this really stood out to me and made him instantly more interesting than other protags in my eyes, although I'm pretty sure this nuance of his character was done as a way to foreshadow his reveal as Utsuro/The mastermind.

Either ways, it ended up creating one of my favorite protags of any DR type game + i do really like the twist of the protagonists being the mastermind at the end of the day, it was something super unique by the time Dra first came out and it's still something i haven't seen be done in any other fangan (tho to be fair I don't look much into those anymore nowadays-)

It's hard for me to pick something i dislike about him since he's overall just a neat guy in my eyes but if i had to pull something I'd say he constantly taking Tsurugi's side feels kinda annoying at times? Sometimes it feels like he just glosses over some of the nasty stuff Kinjo says, like when he questioned why the group for kicking out Kinjo in Ch3 as if he hadn't just told Akane to kill herself right after she saw her best friend be grinded into minced meat. Like okay buddy i get that you see good in Kinjo and you wanna help him, but he really deserves to get a good slap in the face sometimes and the others are rightfully mad at him.

Utsuro

Not much to say here honestly, i feel like i like the idea of Utsuro and what he brings to the table in terms of world building, how his presence and powers affect the others around him and even the story itself. The idea of someone with insane luck powers he can't control that made his life miserable since he could achive literally anything with no effort and everyone he met only wanted to exploit said powers which led to him falling into the despair ideology since by that point it was the one thing that made him feel something it's just so,, wow man, thats some crazy angst and such an unique way to explore the borderline magical luck that exist in the DR franchise.

I love thinking about him in that vein but as a character?.. Erh, i really don't care nor think much about Utsuro at all. Which in a way, i suppose isn't all that different from how the world saw him in universe? How ironic.

Teruya Otori

By far my favorite out of the survious though I'm not sure how to explain why i like Teruya so much? I feel like part of it comes from the soft spot for comedic relief characters i talked about earlier and the rest from the way he was written in the story.

It's crazy because i feel like Teruya's writing in itself really highlights the changes in the way Linuj viewed and went about characters by the time he started working on Sdra2, i feel like if Teruya was a character that originated from that game he would be portrayed as a bad person who you shouldn't sympathize for even though he has his reasonings for acting the way he does sometimes, sorta like how Linuj tends to punish Hibiki even tho she was the bigger victim at the end of the way.

Just like Haruhiko he feels very real to me and his character arc through Dra has gotta be one of my favorites. Teruya is not a bad person, he's a good kid at heart but the severity of the situation they're in and the stuff that gets forced upon him gets to him a lot which leads to Teruya lashing out at his friends and doing some pretty bad things here and there, yet he's never portrayed as an awful person that shouldn't be forgiven or shit and he does change for the better at the end of the day. He went through a lot and came out bigger and stronger on the other side and is a shame this kind of character arc isn't properly used in Sdra2 since Linuj's mentality became so black and white out of nowhere.

I love this little guy, I'm so glad he survived the killing game though unfortunately the same can't be said for the second one but honestly? Teruya's entire role in that story was such a mess, and sometimes even a detriment to his character in my opinion, that nowadays I can't even feel that sad over his death anymore. While there are a handful of things that bother me a lot about it, like the amnesia plot just because Linuj seems to hate actually building up to things in that game and his entire role in ch4 (seriously. What was that. Why.), i think what i dislike the most is the fact that he ended up being permadead while Rei escaped the killing game fine.

I know Linuj actually gave a good explanation to why it happened (unlike Mikako's barely explained sudden brain explosion), but still, it feels like such a mean thing to do to someone who's been through so much and still tried his hardest while being in a dangerous and unpredictable situation. My guy was done dirty in that game.

Rei Mekaru and Tsurugi Kinjo

Grouping these two together because i feel like my opinions on both of them are not only pretty much the same but they also stem from the same place, so yeah-

Don't get me wrong, these two are very interesting characters and I'd argue they're one of the more complex ones in the cast as well, not only because they make it through both games but also because of their own personal backgrounds and how that shaky upbringing affected the kind of person they became as they grew older. With Tsurugi living under his father's black and white ideologies of criminals being deserving of death no matter what and falling deeper and deeper into that the more friends he loses during his life and Rei being abandoned (albeit unintentionally?) by her parents at an young age which led to her working hard to get where she's at now which not only made her quite used to being on her own but also loathe those who "take the easy" way and want all awnsers handed to them on a silver platter, which explains why she's so rude to the rest of the cast since she wants them to figure out stuff on their own too.

There's a lot to look into these characters and it makes sense why so many people like them a lot, I'm however not the biggest fan of this type of character (tho i feel like that lies more in their personality than anything else?) so i never looked much into them before i started writing DRA -2+2 and decided to look into everyone in the cast to get a better grip on their characters. And man, writing these two really did give me a newfound appreciation and love for them! They're such fun characters to write and have interacting with the rest of the cast. Tho i wouldn't by any means say i have a proper understanding of them, i feel like that's a bit out of my league still.

If there's one thing I'm not a big fan if is that i wish we would have seen more of those two in Sdra2 instead of them just having a major role in Ch6, AKA; the messiest chapter in this entire series. Like, would it have hurt that badly to not have the Void theather segments and instead cut to small scenes at the Kisaragi foundation showing what the characters are doing and how they're reacting and planing to go about interfering with Mikado's killing game? I feel like that would have been so much more interesting than watching Emma bother Hajime with bad puns while Nikei and Iroha continue being the same assholes they've always been + it would have made Tsurugi's backwards development less of a shock to see whenever Ch6 actually rolls around.

Anyways, to wrap up this massive post here's what i hope will be the definitive Carol Dra cast tierlist

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senditcolton · 1 month ago

Text

So Tragic and Rare

January (pt. 10)

previous part 🧡 next part masterlist

Entertainment Weekly Magazine

What would you do if your carefully curated good-girl image was suddenly smeared? Would you go into hiding? Would you completely reinvent yourself? Would you come back, teeth-bared, and declare "if you think I'm a villain, I'll be one"? If you are pop princess turned punk rockstar Keely Halloran, the answer is all of the above. Riding the critical acclaim of her new album 'VINDICTIVE', one of our editors caught up with the rockstar in her Boston home to talk about vengeance, missteps, and all of the complicated feelings that have defined her past year.

Rebecca Coy, Entertainment Weekly: I am sure that you have been bombarded with questions about your reinvention, your personal life, and your new album. But before we get into any of that, I just want to ask how you're doing. Keely Halloran: I'm doing really well, thank you so much for asking. It's been a wild year but I think it was all necessary to go through to get to where I am today.

That in of itself is a powerful statement but I'm sure it's shocking for a lot of our readers. You're saying that you wouldn't change anything about the last year? Yeah. I know that seems insane because obviously no one wants to be painted as a villain for simply speaking the truth and basically be forced into hiding because of the immense backlash. But if none of that happened, I wouldn't have found myself, I probably wouldn't have collaborated with the amazing artists that I have, and my album wouldn't exist.

I've listened to VINDICTIVE - it's been on repeat since it came out - and it sounds like it was very cathartic to make. It was.

How did it all start? It definitely started after my collab with Post Malone. I mentioned it when I announced my version "Die 4 Me" but working with him really made me fall in love with making music again. And this album was very... freeing. It was almost like writing in a diary and that's the mindset I took with me when was conceptualizing VINDICTIVE. I wanted it to be honest, sometimes brutally so. You don't write in a diary expecting people to read it. So, I tried not to overly-edit my songs and make them truly confessional. Even though I was fully aware that people were going to hear them.

Those complicated emotions were something that a lot of fans and critics really latched on to. However, I think a lot of people expected this album to be a whole track-list of 'Without Me' and 'Die 4 Me' - all anger and teeth. I don't think they expected the tears. I'll be honest, I didn't expect them either. When I wrote the lyrics for 'Die For Me' back when I collaborated with Post Malone, I loved it - obviously since a made an additional version with every lyric I initially cut - and I thought, "yes, this is the direction of the new album". But when I sat down to write it, all of the other emotions came. And I knew I had to keep them in.

What was the hardest song for you to write? Ooh, I'd had to say the hardest song to write was 'Doing Better'. I actually thought about that being a title track because it really represents everything I was feeling. I was spiteful - prideful, but there was also this weight of sadness and confusion. I was thinking to myself, "I've broken away from a harmful situation I was stuck in for five years and I'm finally living my life on my terms. So why don't I feel better?" That was all in that song. It's so messy and complicated that I debating even putting it on the album. But I promised myself that I wouldn't force myself to be someone I'm not. So, it's now track seven.

It's interesting to hear that is the song you considered scrapping. If we go with that idea of confessional songwriting, I would think it'd be the angry songs that would be tossed. You know, the therapy advice of 'write an angry letter and throw it out'. I think it's far too late for me to take that advice. [laughter]

I don't want to prod too much into your personal life - Thank you for that. - but I do feel like we should touch on it, at least generally, since it's so woven into he album. Obviously, everyone has heard all the different versions of this story and have made and/or voiced their own conclusions. What was it like for you, hearing all this noise? Well, as you can guess from my five-month absence, it did hurt me at first. That's why I'm really thankful for all the people that stuck with me through all this craziness. I'm also really happy that people have picked up on the hurt that did seep its way into the album. Because it did sting. I ended a five-year relationship. Yes, maybe I was young and more than a little naive but you don't spend that long with someone unless you think it's going to be forever. There is a trust that is built and when that trust is betrayed, it rocks your world. Which is another reason the initial backlash hit so hard as well. Anger is a valid emotion to that situation and I couldn't understand why people were mad at me for having - what I thought was - a completely understandable reaction.

It makes complete sense how you felt blindsided in more ways that one. But you survived all of that and now, here you are. Here I am.

Was it difficult stepping into this new authentic version of yourself? It was. All change is difficult but you need to push through it to grow. There was a moment during this 'metamorphosis' where it hit me that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I always knew that there were parts of me that wanted to escape and bloom but I always pushed them down because I was told that was the right thing to do. I couldn't change genres because pop music sells and doing a complete 180 would alienate a lot of fans. I couldn't come out because of the discrimination and hatred towards the LGBTQ+ community. I couldn't go out and smoke and get drunk and get tattoos and make reckless decisions because I was a pop princess, a good girl. That was my image. I was in pain for so many years because I was denying these parts of myself, twisting myself into so many unnatural shapes, but I didn't understand why it hurt so much. But when I started to embrace all those parts of me, there was this realization like "oh, that's why it was so painful; I was wearing shoes that were totally the wrong size."

It was the relief you feel when you find the right fit. Exactly.

It has been a treat sitting down and talking to you. Mind if we wrap this up with some this or that questions, sent in by our readers? Go for it!

Shower or bath? Depends on how much time I have but shower. Cooking or baking? Baking. Being embarrassed or being afraid? Embarrassed, one-hundred percent. Calls or text? Calls. East coast or west coast? East coast, obviously. Hockey or basketball? Tough question for a Boston girl to answer but... hockey. Thought you might say that. Tattoos or piercings? Both but piercings are a little less permanent. Glass half-empty or half-full? Half-full. General admission of assigned seats? GA, all the way. Dogs or cats? I'll let Gigi answer this one. [Halloran picks up her dog, Gigi, holding the pooch near her ear as if Gigi is whispering to her.] She says dogs, of course.

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for accepting this interview and taking the time out of your day to host as well. I can't wait to blast VINDICTIVE in my car on the way back to New York and I look forwards to seeing you perform during the NHL All-Star game next month!

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